Punch 1862-08-30: Vol 43 Iss 1103

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_——————$ = || - | _ —_——— — lh ae ” PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. ie Vol L of THE COMPLETE LEGAL AND COMMERCIAL RECORD OF BANKRUPTCY. ¥AZETTE OF BANKRUPTCY. (ian. 1 to June 28.) REPORTS, PARTICULARS, BALANCE SHEETS, &c., OF EVERY BANKRUPTCY, WITH COMPLETE CLASSIFIED INDEX. Cursy Orvicn, 26, BELL YARD, LINCOLN’S INN, W.C., rue Distaicr Orrices, amp att Booxseneens, oR tie eo YO . C4 . . @/ N° 1103. cam VOLUME THE FORTY-THIRD. —— AUGUST 30, Width WN Wy Aly «i! ™ lhl, "y th Py!) hp i\i i » \v { WT | 2 > “ «thistinan tig 4 “. ) — ig PUNCH OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET, AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSEL LERS. “Published E Every Saturday, Price 6d., THE ARMY AND NAVY GAZETTE. EDITED BY MR. W. H. RUSSELL. *.* ARTICLES ON AMERICAN AFFAIRS APPEAR EVERY WEEK. Office : 16, Wellington Street, Strand. rPpduemg BONIZdIIIUYHL IOlbd

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beve the presey oe A GUINEA FAMILY LY BIBLE FOR 10s —Jouw Fiein bas now ready a handeome Family Bible with Notes, Keferences, ® Engrevings, and |) Maps, bound io antique eyie, for iG, published at Tie A besatifal gift book, gay te be bad at Jour Freco’s Great Bible Ware ae, &, Regent's Quadrant 50,000 BIBLES, PRAYER: esava ES, Altare, Juvenile Books, and Standard Authors, on Sale, in every variety of binding, at Joan Pra.o’s Great Bible Warehouse, 6), hegent’s Quadrant. Te .shhis SHOOTING, PISHING, or (TRAVELLER'S COAT ( Kegivtered), be the veri- table multam le rvo, A gow oF Gehiee-1ed may be packed of carried in lt ©) bh ease. Game-degs oF fiening neiers ca iepraeed with, & beg con- s'ruet Spos entire ne* principles, with carrywmg ae tes equa! to four or/ioary showing coats.— Vide Field, July ! + rice from 500 To be bad only of J crs, 2%, Cormball, Inventor and Patentes of Troesers wiv boat side seeme, the moet pertect trousers ever made.—Vide the San, Feb. 1), 1861 Registered Dress aed U adress Verts, tae latest and only novelties in London ide the Globe, Feb. ls, | HASTINGS IN TWO HOURS | by the BRIGHTUN KAILWAY.— Express ‘rains leave Vie ora af 950 a.m. 50 rom, aed L weden Brivge Wam. and irae Sic other trains from each etation daily. All these trains run to aud from Kast hourue ROWLANDS’ MACASSAR OTL, for promoting ihe Growth, Kestormg aud Beeatifying the Human iv ROWLANDS’ KALYDOR fr Imorovi and Segutigres | the Complenten eed Skin, and Brads eating newer defect ROWLANDS’ OD« INTO or Peart Dentifrice, for the Teeth, Gums, and Breath Sold at 3), Hatton Garden, and by Chemists and erfomers. FENDERS and FIRE iRONS, | Every New Design always on Show. | Black Fenders .. Kronsed Feuders Fire Irons Every Requbsite for Perniehing at Lowest Prices. Catalogues Free. Orders abowe 4&2 carriage free, | aud packed without eharer Rice. & Jowr Sisce. SH. Strand. SALT and Cos EAST INDIA wed: ® ALE (imperial plats 45. 04. the | Burton Airs, « sarmees** Extre Stout, ta = ¥ of reputed and imperial measires and enske of — e upwards . aed : 7 bet led et pressly wtation.— Moon: & Ce, ed Lime Street, B no H® LLOWAY'S PILLS AND, A. NTMENT have the targest sale eript of four Postage Stamps. Unedoves te bottles, P.O. order ide: or Une Gogee bo. od bontles, Ts. Liberal discount t» Merchante and Traders. Proprietor, Bowaaee Poerits, York. DINNEFORD s MAGNESIA & pure Solution) is an excellent Ke- mely } od Acidity of the Stomach, Heart hurn, Heed *. Gout, aed ladigestion, aud as a Mild «& t for D Weave Constitutions ates ‘ — 172, New Boud Street. London. end all Chemists. HE IMPERIAL W T jo A Imperial Sherr VINE Wheels” Prices Cash oon y > mple lot A be had. Stores, 313, Oxford Street, W., near Hanover

Free. | April, 1862 | Arabica, and

Sq uare.—Cellars, waryledone Court House.

“ We find the safest remedy in DU BARRY’S delicious health-restoring REVALENTA ARABICA FOOD Por Habitual (Indigestion), ae, Acidity, Nausea, Consumption, Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Nervousness, Biliousness, Torpidity of the Liver, Debility, &c."—Andrew Ure, M.D.. F.R.8.; Dr. Harvey, Dr. Shorland, Dr. Campbell. We extract a few out of 58,000 Cures :—Cure No. bs, 216 of the Marchioness de Bréhan, Paria, 17th —* In consequence of a liver complaint, | was wasting away for seven years, and so demlita'ed and nervous that I was unable to reed, write, or in fact attend to anything, witha nervous palpitation all over, bad digestion, constant sicepiessness, and the most intolerable nervous agitation which prevented even my sitcing down for heurs together. The noises of the street, and even the voice of my maid, annoyed me. I felt dreadfully low spirited, and all intercourse with the world had become painful to me. Many medical men, English as well as eribed for me in vain In despair I took to Dc Banny's Revalenta verl on this delicious Poud for three months. The good God be praised : it has | Tagain, andable to make ami receive visits and resume my | assuranee of my deepest gratitude and of my highest consider- French, had completely revived me, lam @ secial position. A ation. —MaRcHIONESS DE a” Cure, No. 1,771. Lord Stuartde Decies, of many years’ dyspepsia —No 49, oes. = “ Pity youry’| Honcng indescribable agony from dyspepsia, spasms, sick and Piuskew, of dyspepsia, constipation, nervousness, and liver eomplaints.—Oure, No. 47,121. Mise Elisabeth Jacobs, of extreme nervousness, indigestion, gatherings, low fancies. —Cure, No. 64,8146. Tne Rev. James T. Campbell, Fakenham, N “ of indigestion and torpidity of the liver, which had resisted all medical treatment ; inquiries will be cheer- fully answered.” In tina, 1 io., 2s. Od. ; 2 Ib., 4a. 6d.; 5 Ib., 11s. ; 121b., 2¢s. Super refined quality, 10 Ib., 984.— Banay Ov Banev & Go., No. 77, Regent Btreet, London : 26, Place Vendome, Paris ; and 12, Rue del r Empereur, Brussels. Also Fortwom 4 Mason, Purveyors to Her Majesty. SECOND HAND SILVER PLATE. 222, REGENT STREET, LONDON, AND 67, & 68, KING WILLIAM STREET, LONDON BRIDGE. MAPPIN BROTHERS MAKE THE MOST LIBERAL ALLOWANCE FOR OLD SILVER PLATE, EITHER FOR CASH OR IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS.

or Hk hic Practitioners, and the Medical Profession generally, recommend Cocoa as beng the most healthful of all beverages. When the doctrine of Home ypathy was firet intro- duced tuto this country, there were to be obtained no preparations of Cvcoa either attractive to the taste or acceptable t» the stomach ; the nut was either supplied in its crude state, or so unskeifatly manufactured as to obtain little notice. JAMES EPPS, of London, H»me@opathic Coemist, was induced in the pear 1839, to turn his attention ty this subject, and at length succeeded, with the assistance of elaborate machinery, in being tee Oret to a article pcR« in its composition, and so refined by the perfect trita- ration tt receives aud 4 most saumanen BREAKFAST BEVERAGE. FOR GENERAL USE, EPPS’S COCOA 18 DWTINGUISHED For rt DELICIOUS ABOMA, GRATEFUL SMOOTHNESS, and INVIGORATING POWER; And to these qualities it is indebted for the ad. ptien it now obtains as a BREAKFAST BEVERAGE. DIRSCTION S.—Bix, in a breakfast cup, two tea-spoon‘uls of the Powder with as much ‘cot Mile as will Fm « otiff paste; then, riLL UP with BoiLivc Milx, or Milk and Water im equal portions, or Water 2 tm., + Ib. and 1 Ib. Packets, at is. 6d. per ib. | Sold inf lnabelied Packets only, by Grocers, Confectiqmers, and Draggista, in every town throaghout the United Kingdom MANUFACTORY: LONDON. : NO HOME WITHOUT AMUSEMENT.

BAGATELLE BOARDS OF THE FINEST MANUFACTURE FROM |< Sis. 6d. complete. Mtustrated Catalogues of Games free on application. ASSER AND SHERWIN, 61, Strand, London, W.C. DEPOT. EDMISTON AND oom, | 2 of Ooat for india, guaranteed not to be sticky,

Te, Loner, See ee no matter the climate it is subject to. From 42s., al) silk 50s, to 65s. Measurement required, | the and size the chest. Knapsacks tor Tourists, 18s. 6d. FISHING STOCKINGS, 21s. to 25s. per pair. 5, OF On aRING _aRoss, late ite 69, & STRAND. 0 GHARGE, MADE. FOR, STANT IES. BALAS a | eream-\ald adhesive ENVELOPES, 44. 100, eream laid sete, full-eise, five TRVEvatiONS w tke Cehe sees, | 5 =cut SAR ie caves D in WL YER, with ABD a ARMS ot caret BLEGANTLY £ ton Besbellte pCEAGY sbStsovne well-known Establishment , 43, Piceadilly, two door:

uwerveusness, asthma, cough, j Marte Joly "—Oure, No. $4,816. Picld-Marshal the Duke of ta, and nervons | OF FINEST WOOLLEN FABRICS AND ucens it passes thrdugh, as to be acceptable to the. delicate stomach, | i

i EXHIBITION OF is62. 7 Jie RODG SONS CUTLERY. — oe — Salty fo sunennee be has opess: Txaist ITION one TOCK uF CUTLERY, fg | the sdveetactory ot A ‘Tory Jossr est End A for operne & Sons’ Bo get ot

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ACCIDENTS ARE UNA ba ape —' — one should there RAILWAT Pat ERS’ “TesURANCR COMPANY Gan jes for sume from £100 to £1000, assur ost ACCIDENTS OF ALL KINvs. i CPA D vie ARONERS 2.24 NE R Se RVICES CLARK'S 8 oo EURALGIC ta, Tic DOULA ABUL. Fe Touts €.—Crses, Dorking hn

cecres CFLERAATID SERBS as ase, is Sold ty the Fy fH, ees yy + 1, 1 - pices G GLYCERINE from any hap tg Stoppers ot whieh are se

rE ted 2. = mark'd ft well,’ twas Black “as jet” LESSEY' S MARKING INK. Established in 1838. An intense blac oo by reshing, as testified by Da. Uae J. Laon, High Street, Marylebone. FOR APART. MENTS INSTANTLY AND MOST AGREEABLY.—The Pastilies Allumettes emit » most delicious perfume immedia’ely on being lighted, cpeusan a ppioe On pene. per epperaten, : & SAMUEL BROTHERS, 29, Ludgate Hill.

| est koosa kr ata et - ow oe EO

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i Aveust 30, 1862.) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 83 | ATROCITIES OF THE LAW, THe Times, with good reason, traces Roure..’s career of crime to the original moral error com- mitted by his father in marrying his mother too _ late. That error, however, might have been ee rectified but for the law which prevented old - Rovrgx. from repairing it. The law of Scot- = land would have enabled him to make the neces- ms | reparation. That law works well there, there is nothing to forbid its establishment | in England but the pigheadedness which cries | Nolumus leges Anglie mutari, right or wrong, and the abstract love of injustice which has re- sisted so many reforms, which taxes earnings | at the same rate as interest, and empowers a ' landlord whose rent is id to seize the goods | of his tenant’s lodger. Evident, Per Se. Wovutp Mr. Cowrsr make a good Chancellor | of the Exchequer ? Certainly. What makes you think so ? Because he would always be able to make both ends meet, How so ? : | Because he never opens his mouth without y) ate his foot in it. | | 4 Real Blockade—That which is keeping Foxp Morusr (alluding to the little Prodigy in the pork-pie hat, who will insist on frater- | Patriots i# America. ant " nising with Jongs). ** Bless her little heart, she is so fond of boys, she is.” | A Paper Blockade.—That which 18 keeping | [No wonder Jones and his cigar disagree after that ! | truths out of America, | sensation h that was ever spiced up at New York to | NEWS AT LAST FROM AMERICA. a a ened appetite in his hebbnessenned cieene. . We trust these omissions will shortly be supplied, as we should be Bn - — of on of the ae York Hoveld, we take the hallowing sorry to look upon the above startling information as having no more ng P | value or reliability attached to it than if it were a common Government Pe. Gin be _— porate Rimew thet when this ebeilion magen the entetocen ~ pate | despatch, or a war bulletin, or “ Anoruen Gioniovs Victory” con- , and joined he: anc . . } with the slovoboitine ae They know that this rebellion was born in Exeter ~ = wnfiie — — = os 4 ay. In yw by Dn — Hall, nurtured by the aristocracy, armed from English arsenals, and sup- mities inflicted on the country war, we hope | 6 soun ported by ck pele ae assistance.” of the cannon has not startled the Truth out of America. The next Sap a ‘ . | mail will bring us comforting assurance that she is still tarrying yet . This is the first genuine bit of news we have received from America| awhile in the Editor’s room of the New York Herald, since the war broke out. It is all news, for we must confess that every set hasp fer eo Unda cha Bee Pee irl ce pockehiy cone : not or the kindness ew York Herald, we probably never . d have heard a word about it. For the future, we shall rely on SOME GOOD ACTING. ’ American papers only for our supply of English intelligence. They con-| A Goop Manst ing with difficulties is said by the ancients to be a tain a great more than our stupid hum-drum home-grown journals, | sight the gods loved. Lt served such ill-natured deities right to be that slavishly restrict themselves to the truth. How true it is that one | abolished. Bat what shall be said of the sight of a good Woman in such must go abroad to learn the news! We wish that our Scotch-American | a condition? Not only the gods of our time, but the pit and boxes also friend, the Herald, had carried its kindness a little further. We should | revel in the spectacle. Mr. Punch owns to having enjoyed it also, an like to have been furnished with the names of these same “ aristocrats | mentions the St. James’s Theatre as the Jocale, and Mus. Frawx of England,” who are so anxious to “destroy” the Northerners, and it | Marruews as the Woman. Go and see her. She has been fitted, and would also have pleased us to have been told who are the same “rebels” | very dexterously, from a Frenci store-house, with a in which a that they are accused of — joined “ heart and hand” with; for it | woman’s gallant struggle — a wife’s sacred duty of submission, is | strikes us that their hands and hearts, to be-able to stretch so far, must | so set out, that, although the accident which gives the rebellious female have properties of expansion not less elastic than the principles of truth | a temporary triumph brings disaster to her innocent lord, you cannot such as are generally observed in an American newspaper ‘office, like the | grudge her the victorious innings for which she has worked so well, and one wé have gratefully quoted from above. Other interesting particu-| you are with her, even in the moment when the truth comes out and lars are similarly wanting, the absence of which leaves the information | she is repentant—or as repentant as a defeated and therefore injured sadly incomplete. Why not have let us into the secret as to who were | woman can be. The contest for mastery is well w _— the majestic lo the nurses and anxious parents who assisted at Exeter Hall at the birth | and elaborate eloquence of her spouse, if it does not s nce her, at least of the above-mentioned “rebellion?” Exeter Hall has many wicked, | keeps her in check—but in an evil moment he ve’s ambassador reprehensible things to answer for, but we little suspected that anything | for a peccant friend—and the battle is given to the hands of his wife. | could be laid at its doors that was half so monstrous as the civil war| It is worth going to the play for the sake of hearing one speech of | that is at present casting a blot on America almost as black as that of | intensely condensed vindictiveness. “That you were a Brute, Mx. | slavery itself! Then, who are the members of “ the English aristocracy,” | Kenn Mupozow, | have long known. That your personal appearance We are anxious to who so fondly nurtured this rebellion? Out of | is the reverse of attractive is beyond ase. But I did—yes—I did justice to the House of Lords, their names should not be kept unre-| believe that you had Morals.” Mr. Punch has not the faintest hesitation vealed, any more than “ the ish arsenals,” which supplied the | in penning a paragraph which is not only a Puff, but meant to be, and arms, should be shielded from ic obloquy. information might | designed to send people to see Bristol Diamonds, and with the same bentedly conveyed through the medium of a Who killed Cock Robin ? | unshrinking co he begs to return thanks to Mus. Frawx, and to and such a poetic form would admit of the additional richness of her brave But ortunate husband, for some of the best comic acting Uustration. future edition, we hope that Mr. Gorpow he has seen for many a night. He has praised Exdymion — but a gliding 1 some Bexxerr will fill up these eae ommend lacunes, and we will promise | silvery vision of Diana, or Miss Hexpent, or both, has him that they will produce in an effect fully equal to that of | through his dreams, and rendering them extra-beatific. VOL, XLII. K

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ARTICLE. | Come, Public, this is} the slack season, and turn about is fair play. Mr. Punch Was peen working joyfully for you all the year, and now the Immor- tal wants to sit on the beach and throw hares stones = smiling waves. p> we work for im a little. You are always sending him tons of contributions and reason whereof seven. o@f his buttermen have successively retired | with large fortunes), and now he will over- haul a handful of the day’s letters from you. | This is the first that comes to hand :-— A MANUFACTURED “Sir,—I send for the | first time a contribution to your journal ‘He Tory oF Eworanp.’—A schoolboy whilst writing out the reign of Mary THe Finest, made a blot om the paper with his} pen, and said, ‘There's a dark stain on the History of England.’—G J. BR.’ A very nice boy, and we shall be glad to hear of him again If it had been red ink now—Sanguinary Mary—ha! ha! ha! bat he will! improve, he will improve. Number 2. This comes from Manchester, and in the corner of the note is a pair of compasses straddling over a square, which accounts for the mysterious character of the communication. We print it intact :— Facetious Swell (taking his morning's gill). Your beer is rather tart, old fellaw. “ Landlord. It's the hage, and not the weathaw (? weather.) ” Punch has not the faintest idea as to what his correspondent means, bat pe readers may be more lucky. Gills used to mean collars, but we don’t understand what beer has to do with collars. But we did not sit down to think, but to make | an article From Manchester to Liverpool is but a step, we believe, and the next we take up| is dated from the latter city. “STREET SCENE. « Prace.—NMusical Inatrument Shop, —— Street, Liverpool **Triwe.—Friday, August 2ist, 1862. isto ¢ Have you any first class instruments ? Oh, best stock in town, ean't be beat, Sir. Can t be beat? Oh, then, you won't suit me, for I want a drum “* Shopkeeper’ s surprise may be imagined.’ Ah! es Sir “ Boater C ** Shopkee Cust ome Please to imagine it antil you are tired, and then you can leave off. Another correspondent :— ‘“*Sir,—-I beg to offer the enclosed incident for your inspection, hoping to see it in Punch if it is found suitable.” Well, let us inspect the incident. What is it? Scene. — Donnybrook Fair, or any other place where rival factions can meet “ True Blue. Down with the Porr! * Roman Catholic. Who said that? True Blue. Shure meself it was. “ Roman Catholic. Take that then. A very pleasant incident, and we are happy to have inspected it. The writer's hope is gratified, and as he is in our debt, perhaps be will allow us to request a} gratification in return, namely, a cessation of his valuable correspondence. wg Our next correspondent is good enough to supply us with a hint for an engraving, which he considers “may tend to put down that which endangers the lives and | persons of the community.” Afr. Punch would be more than happy to supply the | picture, bet the fact is that all his artistic young men are out of town, and he) is unwilling to lose a moment in producing a remedy for a crying evil :— “ My suggestion is Jom~ But. in fear of the Garotter.—A conveyance drawn by a pair, marked ‘ Garotter, a garotter inside. Im the distance a grotto of oyster-shells and a child crying out | * Please, Remembtor the Grotto, G-rotter. The Garotter.’ 1 think it would be apropos to the | season, and with your assistanee, accompanied by the assistance of one of your celebrated artists, | wuuld please the public, at the same time caution them.’ | Punch bas made his apology for the absence of the assistance of one of his cele- [Hits him on the head with his shillelagh.” PUNCH, OR THE LONDON | our friend Pappy Green. | tunate, a very beautiful girl was selected by Mr. Punch, out CHARIVARI. brated artists, and feels that the idea of his correspondent | is so vigorous that it needs no pictorial illustration. He trusts to hear that garotting is at anend. Who comes next! Ha! A Poet. season. “ RHYMES ON THE POACHING BIIA.. “ And now I have a song to sing, a song I'll sing to you, Of occurrences that happened in eighteen-sixty-two ; " Of @ Bill in faet that was brought in towards the close of session, Of course, for the man who brought it in was called Sm Baupwiy ow (late one).” [Aveusr 30, 1862. | Let us see. Poetry isacceptable at this Hm! Well—yes—and there are three more. On the whole, perhaps, we ’i! only taste the Pierian spring this tine, with thanks tothe Yorkshire lad who has turned it on. Ab! this is something |ike a correspondent. He supplies both picture and wit. Bless him! We can’t well use his picture, and regret it, for the work is grand in conception and conscientious in execution. It represents a butcher's boy leaning on a tray, and another boy behind him, pimehing him. _ The letter-press is to be as follows :— ** First Boy singing the song of ‘ The Lively Flea,’ and at the same time pinching the Second Boy. Second Boy was peaceably looking into the window of a shop when the First Boy came up and com wae — him as hard as he could, erying out that it was only 4 Lively flea. Ha! ha! ha! Very smart, indeed. Happy to hear from W.P.H. again. Now come a lot of advertisements. Eh, what’s this? It’s genuine and cut from some local print :— ‘EMABE wanted, with exceedingly thick full lips (it will be quite useless for any others to apply), a8 Attendant upon, and Model to a Gentleman Artist; a coloured woman, or a pow widow preferred ; good wages given. Apply by letter only, st:iing age, address, and particulars to, &c Would not the Cleopatra in the International answer the gentleman’s purpose. She is not, like her neighbour | the Venus, a coloured woman, and Cregoparra was rather |a rich than a poor widow; but the coveted lips are there. | Another advertisement, all the way from Central India | (thank you, Lrgurenant F., and how is the beer at 8S. ?)— A Meeting of the Vaywahar Oopyogee Dnyan Vurdhuc Subha | will be held this evening, at half-past 7 p.«.,4n the hall of the Khet wady Reading Room and Library, when Ma. Kexttvsroo Nowroser will read his paper in Guzeratee, on ‘Man and Woman compared.’ The attendance of the public is requested.” Our correspondent wants to know the meaning of the above. We have sent a copy toSrr Caartes Woop, with orders to explain in a private letter: if he does not, or if, as is more probable, his explanation is ten times more puzzling than the text, he will hegr from us in a way he won’t hike. Seventeen correspondents to-day, twenty yesterday, and about a hundred previously, have sent us an advertise- | ment in which—here it is :— \ ATRIMONY.—A Lady of Rank, having, under peculiar tircumstances, been asked by the friends of a handsome | fashionable, and amiable young gentleman of distinction to effect a | marriage, will be glad to hear, confidentially, from a —— of fortune | X., Poste wishing a Restante, &c Mr. Punch \imself, or rather Mrs. Punch, inserted the | advertisement, wishing to marry off and settle one of their | young men who was getting a little too fond of his club, and The result has been most for- really good and happy position.—Lady } of a garland of twenty-seven who answered the invitation, |and the marriage was solemnised straight off and will | be found announced in the 7imes of Saturday last. He is | | sorry to have given his correspondents so much troubie, but | has charged himself with the imterests of the other twenty- six young ladies, and is open to receive proposals for thetr | hands—they all have money, and eleven of them have brown | hair—eorrespondents will specify the colour they admire. Ur. Punch at the same time inserted the following acdver- | tisement, which has also been sent to him by scores of astounded friends :— LADY of High Birth and Title, will AFFORD any Lady L% of adequate fortune, desirous to become settled in a good post- tion in socicty, the BENEFIT of peculiarly advantageous INTRO- | DUCTIONS to exclusive circles.—Name and particulars (in confi- dence) indispensable. Lady V., &c. Mr. Punch is restrained by peculiar considerations from stating as yet the result of this announcement, but “ Lady V.” (Mrs. Punch) has had wamerous applications in reply, | and has had to decline several propositions on the part of

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i] e ,Tr,s }; =~ s & eo = Aveus? 30, 1862.] ladies of neglected education, and may say here, once for all, that aitches are indispensable. Here is one which he did ot put in:— ATARTHERN TS, with a pension for attendance required ; nearly rent free; coals, candles, and washing (put out) free ; forming a very cheerful and home. A retired old gentleman, who has never been an invalid, offers ymfortable FIVE good-sized ROOMS, furnished or unfurnished, in a nearly new house, at 7a a it, he would prefer a lady past middle age, with a family of . y ape , and very good plain cc , week to each person employed, to ig =p, single pension at the end of two years So ether inlignr taken. Apply by only, describing family, to A. B., &c , Islington. who = H & ! i i; man in eivilised life lives to old age without er- minating im a siugle pension at the end of two years.” Just so, he will have eatem them all exeept one by that time, as the to serve The Islington Carnibal! Don’t go to his house, Sanan Avy, | let your Mamma go, as she is p a lady past middle age, and not _ good eating. Weare glad to bave saved you from being devoured, | and im the satisfaction of hawing done a good action, and knocked | together am article, Mr. Punch will now go and throw a few more | harmless stones into & smiling sen Step! be ben.cun clersions tp than, not into the con, People who _ send him valuable contributions like the above have a habit of asking | bim to retwn them if he net want them. He has repeatedly | said thes, he ia eee! kind, and begs once more to apprise “the Pulblig that what he does not print goes to the Butterman of the | hour Cape a lel te | chance recovering their rubbish is in a stamped | ee on eeeaaye withoay tacking ot B. TWO PRIESTS. | Tux longer Mr. Punch lives the more frantic becomes his admiration | for the Romish Priest. He eonsiders that individual, whether he be | the Porg cursing from the chair of the heathen deity, or the Irish | peasant bellowing anathemas over his whiskey toddy, to be one of the | most remarkable creations ever gent on earth for the improvement and | edification of mankind. This week, Mr. Punch has the felicity of con- | templating the Priest in his most exalted and most debased position. | Cunnously, in both cases, he appears as a fierce enemy of the present | Government. Mr. Macurrg has been making a speech at Skibbereen, at a dinner given to a Roman Catholic bishop, the honourable gentleman said— | “The Pops himself declared to me that the Paitmerstox Government is the worst | enemy of the Church of Gop upon the face of the earth.” _ This is a dreadful statement from the lips of Infallibility. The only | comfort is, that His Holiness has said the same thing of so many | people. Any sovereign or subject who happens for the moment to put | dyspeptic Infallibility into one of these “rages” of which the Romans | make such unbecoming fun, is immediately declared to be the worst enemy of the Church. Vicror-Exmeanvet has long been given over to | Diabolus, Garrea.nt, of course, has not a chance hereafter, and it was | ouly the other day that the Eldest Son of the Church, Louis NaProLzon | himself, protector of Rome, was indirectly informed his Majesty was “in league with the Devil.” Loxp Patmzrstow comes in only for the tail of the storm. But let us be*more charitable than our friend the Popg to have been, and suppose, not a cleri- cal error—that would be rade, bat &pographiea one. Suppose that a mistake has substituted the most { names for the name “ Rome.” We know that whether the Pore said this or not, it was what he meant. In that case, Lonp Patmerston ought ialely to write a hand- some letter to Mn. Macurmma, with the Paemien’s best thanks for pub- lishing so valuable a certificate of his character, and giving him a new as ix yong claim to the regard of all honest and religious persons. light. The amiable feelings of the Irish Catholics towards the son of the man who gave them emancipation are pretty well known. But a little illustration of those feelings may be acce ; curiosities. Some folks pin h vermin into paper boxes, some preserve specimens of Irish priestcraft. Here is one of the latter. week, to avoid the trouble he has had with servants. For the greater chance of a | by the Pore that | ‘AM is considering his course, let us see the Priest in another | to the collectors of | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 85 ! ’ One Jonw Cocuiay, a so-called Archdeacon of Achonry, writes to a | Dahlin paper :— “It is reported that Sm Rowerr Peet is to come to shoot here this season. | on a how! of execration will the fellow be met, if the people can recognise im | _ The “fellow” condescended to inquire whether this letter were really , the production of the person whose signature was appended to it, and the answer is, an admission of the letter, and abuse of Six Rowext for morbid sensitiveness with reference to expressions of grief and indig- | nation wrung from a clergyman.” The priest, however, hastens to repudiate a construction which a Dublin paper has, he says, put upon the passage about shooting, as he did not mean a suggestion that Six ,Rowert “should be shot at.” We might hesitate to accept the — s own denial, inasmuch as it might be tne result of well-grounded right; but to do him justice, we do not believe that he meant to recommend one of those murders, to the “causes” of which the Lrish : have lately announced that they are not blind. We think that he only meant a clumsy taunt in connection with Srx Rowert’s rere Bape indifference to the sacritice of human life. : guilty te the charge of writing what. is an incite- ment to an ignorant rabble to raise “a howl of ion” against an we » let such creatures alone. But should im Skibbereen, and should he be mal- treated, we should think that Ancupgacow Coguian would require | egal sesintence, and we should suggest that its efficacy be tested before } F i an or priest, the minister of Rome is, as Mr, Pusch has remarked, ap extraordinary being, and our frantic admiration for him needs no more justification than is te be found in the above — === SENSATION PARAGRAPHS, Tax roar of the Lion in the forest in the dead stiliness of the night inspires terror—the lightning, that strikes the mast in a storm at sea, produces feelings of the liveliest alarm—the explosion of a bombshell, scattering destruc- tion around, will make thestoutest heart quake with fear—but per- haps no sight in the world is Palf so terrible as that of a hungry man who has been kept waiting more than five minutes for his dinner ! The Maelstrém may be fa- thomed,— Big Ben even may ultimately be sounded — but Wowan’s heart never ! It requires courage to lead a forlorn hope—no little firmness is requisite to break some fatal news to a suffering friend—and a deal of moral heroism is wanted to forgive an injury in one who has La dearly loved—but what are these compared to the superhuman effort that is needed at some fancied sound of alarm, to descend alone at three o'clock im the morning into a kitchen that we know to be swarming with blackbeetles ? Some like Sparkling champagne best, whilst others give the preference to Still; but happy, oh! twice happy, is he whose conscience combines both qualities—one that is, at the same time, both sparkling and still ! A Good Confederate Cry. | AccorptnG to the Correspondent of the New York World in Virginia, | “General Pore’s order for the army to subsist on the country, has | caused indiscriminate plundering all through the Virginian valley.” The | Yankee Pore is worse thin the Roman Pontiff. His Holiness does not at any rate openly and avowedly wage war by means of an army of | brigands. Atrocities sueh as those rated by Genenat Pors’s marauders cannot but provoke a ery of “ No Popery!” | A WARM IMAGINATION. “ Very hot in the Exhibition today?” said one friend to another ‘over his International dinner. “ Very!” replied the latter, “ the Nave i | declare, reminded me of Central Africa—the heat was quite Trophyeal.” 7 _~

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. ([Avousr 30, 1862.

{i zs SS - Pr Ure | y Ai wh

‘_<— - RATHER VULGAR, BUT PERFECTLY TRUE. Boatman (in the distance). “I say, Jack, Got a Mossgt o’ Bair To spare!” Jack. “ Wett, I cay’? Let yer Have No Wums; BUT I DON’T MIND LENDING YER a Bit 0’ Buttock’s Liver To opiice a Lapy!”

, To suppliants what I did not grant — FRANCE TO ITALY. ~ Cla iatmants oom me shall ro wring ITaLIANs, you but waste your breath, 0 stern demand of course I can’ The right you ery for sands no chance ; ae Pa mpeg an You raise the shout of “ Rome or Death !” OuOUr FOLEIES me concede, And “ Death!” is the reply of France. | To menace, what is justly due ; Yes, death, my friends, for 7 strong ; Then how you strike for Rome, take heed : ce is resolved to have her way ; Death is your portion if you do. Her en will is law which, right or wrong, ee The weak must perish or obey. Gf p don’t 1 lead the van? Your claim of Rome I must refuse, Befriend the struggling patriot ? For I don’t want you to become And vindicate the ts of Man ? t 1—~J ndent, and I choose Ah! yes, but I must domineer, you underneath my thamb. So cannot call my forces home. But wt death’ *s a boon I won’t deny, Then Death to every Volunteer If you desire to bite the dust, So boid as to advance on Rome! Brave, then, the might of France, and die ; ™ If die you will, then die you must. My Bourbons I dethroned, ’tis true ; AN OLD FRIEND WITH A NEW NAME. * The Taal na ete not the hope Acruatty, the Eastern Counties Railwa no more! Don’t be To do the like, and aef t the Porg. alarmed, Tomxrys, there still are trains to toft. But there are His power it suits me to maintain, no longer trains a, - the Eastern Counties. By an Act which My cannons the Papal nite; last Session, that Railway is in future to be known as the Great You pray for liberty in vain : = Don’ t a ht by. saying aay me you thought o er to ‘ou now in er are ae Se a trip by the Great Eastern. She might not like the notion of going The Eldest Daughter of the Church New York just my, e+ the chance of the Greet Has you a conscript sen qpenl eat Easter, mind ms ith Mr. Punch i Must needs defend her parent’s Head, for M*CLELLAN. rch, mention the word grit and meanwhile join And keep the Pontiff on his pe Although upon your necks he tread. copes thet he mes 6 es Se Ooget may by her be turned to sport, railway world than that which it succeeds ; whey — 4 as bus bape that express trains will not be Bat Prenes mat Fr ‘ n forty miles, as, Mr. Punch has heard, they used atop fv tine As an Idea, with t oan ; | Armes Counties.

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| Aveusr 30, 1862.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 39 DISCOVERIES IN LONDON. “ Lisbon Hotel, Fleet Street. ~ “tT See in the new: all sorts of letters from fellows who think it will interest the world to know that they have been bitten by | fleas in Switzerland, have tumbled off mules in the Pyrenees, and have | been without clean shirts in Paris’ because their luggage has ' on to | I suppose they sincerely imagine that what is so uncommonly interesting to themselves must del I never did write in that fashion, although I have been to a good | “My pear Puwen, | | many parts, I think he may be allowed Negotistical Hass. “ Of course I was in Scotland last week shooting. Then comes atele- | calling me up to London—then comes the limited mail, and here | [ am. I must mention this because it would create a natural prejadice | against my character as a gentleman, at the outset of my letter, if I represented myself in town now without some extraordinarily good | reason. Fact is, that an aunt, from whom I have great expecta- | tions, had chosen to come up and see the Show, of which she had spoken | and written with the most serene contempt during the decent months. | | It wag the thing for one to come up, old man, and the grouse may go to the deuce. If all goes well I may have moors of my own some day, but not if I neglect Aunt Grazinestock. “ Well, duty is duty, and noways pleasute, and I didn’t expect much gratification from showing Aunt Grazinestock the Koh-i-Noor and Armstrong’s guns. But I thought I — manage somehow, and she | goes to bed about the time one goes to dimmer. “ But, my dear old man, when I called on Aunt GrazryestTock at | this hotel (which I never of before, but it seems her mother used | to go to it, I suppose in the time of Queen Awwe—you'll laugh, but | it’s near your own Office), I found that she had brought up ayoung lady | with her. Pretty girl, uncommon intelligent, and knows a precious | , deal more of many a than yours truly does. I ought to add that | She turned out to be a cousin of mine, whom aunt has adopted means to do the handsome by. Her name’s GrazinesTock too, Hester Grazixestock, if you please, “ Well, her face put a new brce on matters, rather, for I am not ashamed to say that I like the society of a pretty girl who can talk, and her being a cousin of course relieved me (as I thought) from nee danger. So at it we went, sight-seeing like anything you ike. to write about it without seeming a and Miss “The Show was soon done with. I fancy they were rather disap- inted with most things except the pictures. But Miss Grazinestock vad never been in London before, and 1 was ordered to do London sights with her. Aunt chose generally to stick at the hotel window, | and see the cab-horses tumble down, and then open the window and segld right out at the people for not helping the poor beasts up again ; so my cousin and I saw the sights by ourselves. Now | had no more notion what to show the girl than if I had been taking her through the moon, but I had a confidential chat with a waiter down-stairs who had | been showing London to his little boy, and he put me up to a good — ee “ My dear old man, there isa deal to see in London. I have heard the names of some of the places, but of course | never went near ’em, and thought that they were something the lower orders did, like Green- wich fair, where I have been, and ridden in a roundabout with Members of Parliament. But I assure you, and I have seen all the capitals, that | there is a wonderful deal to look at in Do you know that the inside of St. Paul’s is worth seeing—some rummy statues no doubt, but a grand effect, and the view from the top is immense. Did you ever go to the Tower? You must have seen it on the left as you have gone down to your whitebait. [ swear to you it’s a most historical place, full of real curiosities, and something interesting at every turn.’ I thought I should never get Hester out of that dungeon; and she was so awfully well up in Queen Exizapetu, and all that sort of thing, that the show-fellow was quite delighted, and asked her to take his | place; and didn’t she look ty-when the colour came up—what’s that to you, old man? But did you ever go over Westminster Abbey ? Well, now, you can easily get there—take a boat from near your place, and tell them to put you out at Westminster Bridge. You ‘ve no idea | what a fine church it is; talk of Notre Dame, and St. Stephen, and St. Sophia—it ’s worth all three; and there are tombs of all the chaps you read about, and poets, and no end of talent. Well, my boy, there area lot more things. I dare say you never heard of a place called Guildhall. It ’sinthe City, I forget the street, but the cabmen know. Go and see | that. There are two of the most ou Guys you ever saw, called Gog and Magog, and there is a lot of antiquarian things that, if they were in a private house, and only to be seen by interest, everybody would be | after. But there’s another place that we found out. It is in a beestly part of the town, I allow, near Tottenham Court Road ; but, when you | get into the building, you forget all that, and you can go ina close cab. | it is called the British Museum. My old man, there’s no such a col-| lection of everything in the world, from a silver penny to a sarcophagus, | been sent | t everybody else, but | ad | to convert her into an actual kite, | in any part of Europe. Wonderful old writings, autographs, statues, coins, medals. [ can’t tell you what a show there is. ere you ever taken over the Bank? I declare I wouldn’t have missed that sight for ninepence. There’s a thing that weighs soverei and spits out | ats them the light ones, and then a thing that c across it does everything but speak ; if they ’d take it to Piccadill a bob for ee it, they'd be able to pay the national Then we were told to go over Bridge eharch in Southwark. I only know I’ve driven miles in foreign pasts to see something not a quarter so ey oy yet I never knew of this—it is in a hole on your right as you go to the Brighton railway. Hester knew and charge t in a year laces, the Himalayas, Constantinople, Pernambuco, and California | all about it, and the Lady Chapel. Go and see it, old . Well, I: cou them. But when a fellow 4as made a real discovery of unknown | pf vel ee te ae - - scribbling at their table while th comes the soup, so [ must conclude, but I think I have justified my writing to you, and do ye know that I have a good sind book about London, and take credit for having mvented it. Hester says I may have her share of the honour, and she will look up all the facts and copy them out for me. What do you think, old man? “ Agréez, &c., “ Pengo? Fatcon.” “PS. Hester says I might as well her. J don’t know what to say. To be sure we might write delightfal travel hooks together, like Mx. and Mas. Canter Hatt. If she would be as jolly afterwards « she is now, I wouldn’t much mind. But I hear club s say that,wives grow so awful cold and sulky. What do you think, old man’? To-night were going to the Wax-works, Fancy the Honourable P, Faucon at gas-lighted wax-works. But Hester says she wants to be able to say she has seen them, and people in the country think a deal of ’em, Hester says.” CRINOLINE KITES. ike asplit shot— | see a marvellous old | are dressing for dinner, and here | to write a | Txe attention of our junior male readers is called to the annexed | paragraph out of the Dover Chronicle ; -hecause it records an occurrence which suggests a new amusement :— “ Blows tnto THE Sea.—On Tuesday, as a lady was walking down the lower steps of the jetty at Margate, the wind, which was blowing almost a gale at the time, caught under her crinoline, and she fell into the sea. In falling, it is supposed, her head came in contact with one of the boats, as she receive a severe cut over the ey« One of the sailors, as svon as he saw what had occurred, jumped into the water and brought her out.” If the wind will lift a lady into the air by catching under her crino- | line, it will of course, when its force abates a little, drop her, unless caused to sustain her by some contrivance calculated to effect that purpose under the operation of physical laws. | A kite is a familiar | example of an object so constructed that the wind may be made to sup- | port it by being brought to act upon it ina certain direction. Now, if the wind will lift a woman by a common-sized crinoline, it will raise her still higher when its power is exerted upon one of larger dimensions. By a sufficient extension of a girl’s crinoline, in short, it would be easy | Here, then, is a new idea of pas- time and recreation for youth of both sexes. On any fine day, with a | sufficient breeze, boys might be enabled to divert themselves by flying their sisters, and sisters’ young friends. The young lady employed for the purpose would only want to have on a crinoline a very little exceed ing the circumference at present in vogue, furnished with a tail con sisting of bows of ribbon, and with an adequate length of cord affixed by a hook to the centre of her girdle. The cord might be wound upon a winch or windlass; and after she had been hoisted a little way, which would npaee the united pull of several boys, she could be let out by means strong boy. Ifthe cord should snap, she would probably come down like a parachute ; but, to obviate the ill consequences of a too rapid descent, it would be as well always, if convenient, to fly her over the sea a little clear of boats, where, in the event of her falling, she would not be hurt, and sailors, seeing what had , could jump into the water and bring her out with little difficulty. tae A young lady of a scientific turn, whilst enjoying an airing in the upper regions of the atmosphere, might also take advantage of her position to make barometrical and hygrometrical observations, and ascertain the quantity of ozone existing in that situation. ‘The remark may perhaps be made, that a vey ote name for a young lady constituted in the manner above described a Kite, would be ITTY, An Army that is Well-Crammed. It seems that the principal support of the Federal army is salt pork | and “crackers.” We suppose that by the latter a complimentary allusion is intended to be paid to the invigorating effect that M‘Curtiay’s des- patches have had upon the spirits of the Northern heroes; for such veracious documents as generally turn defeats into victories, and retreats into “ strategic movements,” cannot be looked upon otherwise than as most substantial “ crackers.” that engine to any required height by a single tolerably |

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a 90 PUNCH, OR THE LO NDON CHARIVARL [Avecer 30, 1862 ae . \ SS ~ S329 Vi ~~ Wis. a Ni = SSSA OSS . . ~o? ‘ = oo ° MAPPI Ns | COALSCOALS A TABLE COALS! > KNIVES. 2h /-To4 » FORKS LEA Wes } SvunwwiGeaw aan’ = ~* if pawere — —— THE NEXT THING—EVERY MAN HIS OWN A NOVELTY IN JOURNALISM. Tue exploits of Genera Porr, performed on paper, the “ strategic movement” of M‘CieLiay, which proved to be a “stampede,” and the Federal telegrams in general, converting defeats into victories, have suggested the idea of starting a new news , which, deriving its —— from the nature of its contents, shall be called the Imaginary vews, The /maginary News will be constituted on the principle of supplying people with the intelligence they wish to receive. There are many persons who are sick of the abominable battles with their hideous accounts of killed and mutilated, the frightful accidents, the dreadful murders and other atrocious crimes offences, which abound in the existing journals. In their disgust and impatience they are ready to exclaim against the writers who serve them with this everlasting mass, of horrors :— “ Out on ye, owls ; nothing but songs of death !" They hunger and thirst after good tidings. They want pleasant things to read at breakfast to give it a relish, and not y Bere ha facts to spoil it. The newspaper for their money is one which, in the hotel or the railway carriage, would be a cheerful and not a dismal companion, a wet blanket, a damper, a nity anda bore. They don’t want to hear of fires and conflagrations which put them in fear for their own homes, or to be told that the funds have fallen and there is a panic in the City, or that anything else has occurred, or is going on anywhere, likely to ruin them or reduce their circumstances. They had rather not know of deficient crops and potato blights and a terrible Cotton famine, or any other form of distress which harrows their feelings and annoys them with the pape of being called on to subscribe for its relief. Detestable in their eyes are all the narratives of wars, and rumours of wars that make them tremble lest this country should be involved in hostilities, and threaten them with the aggravated penalty of an in- creased Income-Tax. Considering that the disaster apprehended very seldom happens, and that the disaster which does an are is generally unforeseen, they think — bg better be made comfortable than un- comfortable in the meanwhile, Hence the demand for a consolatory and cheering journal, such as is contemplated in the foundation of the Imaginary News. The columns of the Jmaginary News will be exclusively composed of gratifring information. - The space devoted to its ing articles will filled with observations conceived in a joyous and hopeful spirit, - any more. Deaths. | butcher. | PAPAL SPORTS AND PAS- By advice from Civita Vecchia, we learn t * ‘* Yesterday afternoon, being the De- TIMES. legate’s birthday, that j | some aquatic sports for ADVERTISER. crown Victor-EMMANUEL The American Civil War has terminated. | Li issued a proclamation declaring the prolongation of hostilities between North and South incompatible with civilisation troops on both sides are disbanded, the block Commissioners are engaged in settling the bo Federal and Confederate States. + os Half-a-million bales of Cotton have arrived in the Mersey. The representations of the British Government have to evacuate the Quadrilateral, and ——— Venice to Italy. The Emrgznor Naro.zon has promulg: that, in the presence of circumstances which assure the peace of world, France will di ls have gone up to In addition to particulars such as the fo will contain the usual record o d In its editorial remarks the continuance of peace ) will be confidently predicted; a high view of human nature will be maintained, the existence of crime, pauperism, sickness, and every other variety of evil and misery, will be stead é From the preceding statement it will be evi News is likely to take a stand among the works of fiction. disarm. i: aod 1 | where they were | } | almost apaphibious | men,” ’ | = | pontifical sailors were kin Tie subjoined announcements be afforded by the Jmaginary News. We congratulate our readers on the certainty of a more than abundant harvest, in fact the most ample ever known. English corn will, it is certain, ENERAL GanrsaLpi has entered Ro r the people. The French troops have piled their arms and fraternise with the volunteers. The Porz 7 ea on . 7 occupy —e ic of facts, agrees to b satisfied with his spiritual position as head of the Church, and will ing of Italy in the Cathedral of St. Peter. Preswwent Lixcouy has His Holiness has re 994. f Births and sea in the of the public—such as sailors up a soaped bowsprit to get a | tumbling into the sea; his | condesecended also to fling 40 or 50 live ducks from his balcony into the water, prone | pursued by the sailors One wonders how many of the enough | to contribute to the amusement | of the public by tumbling into the attempt to run up a nase bowsprit gratuitously, or anyhow for nothing better than a worthless flag. The Delezate of his Holiness at Civita Vecchia might have created more sport, if, to stimulate competition amongst the faithful tars, he had stuck an indulgence of the bowsprit. Then, after that, |if he had flung the ducks into the water, the beholders would have been amused with a consum- | mation of quackery. late ordered e amusement fag, and reverence on the top ANSWER THIS. Wuew is a needy shoemaker like a dying whale ?—When he is spouting his last. this exported to ily denied “We should always provide of the * * * * * Club said, when “ Prevention is better than cure,” as the away with all its might to escape the killing attentions will exemplify the sort of reading and Christianity. The ade has been raised, and undary line between the gated an ordinance er ing, the Imaginary News = +- \ = that of and plenty dent that the Imaginary ANOTHER MEMBER'S REVENGE. inst a rainy day,” stole the umbrella out of the hall. Pig said when it ran ions of the Pork- a of me amid the acclamations of uced Austria fas the Member to calculated to inspire a happy frame of mind.

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Avoust 30, 1862.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 91

THE LOYAL IRISHMAN IN AMERICA. Is it me neck you’d like to wear your collar ? Meself to be your military slave ? The divil fly away with your base dollar, peg pag peat resave. Com do Il say? Such pay from such paymasters, oan is oe I dike to know who'll get, en for cracked crowns you give your troops shinplasters, Which cover ing but a power o’ debt. My wealth and goods put any kind of tax on, And get me, if you can, to pay that same. But 1’m the fellow-subject of the Saxon, , And to ye own Victoria’s claim. spurn your vile imaginary wages, Will staia my fist for no snch palthry hire ; Benathe Barrann)a’s flag, behind her agis, Conscription if ye threaten, 1 retire. Go, Szenceant Swap, don’t talk to Pappy Caney, Nor tempt me soul wi visionary pay. Of bloodshed, barrim for me Queen, i chary ; Your blarney on this a thrown away. 1’m not to be imposed on by effrontery ; Me nation is the jewel of the sea. Observe, I’m a young man from the old counthry ; But, arrah! sure you don’t come over me.

THE LAST OF THE ’MERICANS. From an Historical Romance preparing for Publication, At length this internecine warfare came to its inevitable close. Of alk the eight and twenty millions who had struggled and stamped throughout the terrific conflict, a Solitary unit now survived. New York and Memphis, Richmond and Pennsylvania, were heaps of broken bricks on which announce boards were erected wiih the pathetic inscrip- tion “ For Sale.” Laxcoun and Davis were locked in a Jast ard (let us hope) affectionate embrace. Stanton alone remained. The celebrated feline duel in Kilkenny was eclipsed, for only One tail was left to tell the dread catastrophe. JonatHan’s big bonfire-America—was éxtinguished, but from its ashes rose a Phcenix-Empire, beariug the negro-classico name of Pompeii. By no servile revolt, but by a natural law of com- nsation, Ham became the acknowledged guardian of the public weal. lis personal representatives, who, like yon on the wood-crowned height, unmoved by cajolery or bribes, had been passive and dignified spectators of the frantic fight, were now absolute masters of the soil | they had so long gratuitously Pompry Tue Fiast was monarch of all he surveyed ! As Stawton emerged from the War Office, his features bore | traces of deep dejection and remorse. “Ob, Siars and Stripes!” he | said, apostropliising a tattered banner which lay neglected at his| feet, “ we thought our Stars were fixed, and lo! like Lucifer, they have fallen, and the Stripes we meant for others’ backs have descended on our own.” Scarcely had he given utterance to these veracious words —the first of a series—when some Irish lacqueys in scarlet and gold |

(the King’s livery) politely requested his attendance before their royal! master. Escorted by these flaming menials, he quickly reached the Saccharine Palace (built entirely of sugar-cane), and as a lion, by in- stinct knows the true Prince, mechanieally the Yankee bowed before the throne of Pomrry, who like Buonpmy—serene though greatly ele- vated—was the first of his line. Penetrated by compassion for the lonely wight, the magnanimous monarch held forth his soft dark hand to which in teken of allegiance, the eager Yankee pressed his loyal lips.* * * “The last of the ’"Mericans,” as Pomrszy tenderly called Wim, was then motioned to depart. He now holds an engagement as Fi to the Press, which in the heyday of official prosperity, he treated as a sick child, and by the velricle of military despatches, had compelled to Wiis sable Majesty heving drvak bi end denned bis purp! is sable y, having drunk his sangaree is purple robes, then set out to open Parliam supported by Silver Stick, and preceded by the Usher of the Black THE ROYAL SPEECH. - * Lords and Gentlemen, io “ In sum you to our Councils, we congratulate you our _— subjects, the coloured } of Pompeii, having set their iberty upon a cast, have independence the hazard of the dye. whom our diplomatic intercourse is indigenous to any part of this great Continent. “ Gentlemen of the House of Commons, by an amenity not provsion for our national defences, we are mot unmindiul that the Government which maintains vast military and naval armaments solely for the acquisition of Giory or Territory derives its inspiration from either a simpleton or a knave. “ Profiting by the exam as the European States to which our ambassadors are } now defray the entire expenses of the embassy. “ My Lords and Gentlemen, “The export of our sta to learn, has immensely in being no longer regulated by physical force. Instead of hoeing wit lash over hrs shoulder, the agricultural labourer now works with a dollar before his eye. Golden syrup is a better stimulant than bitters.

Of this fact we have evidence in black and white. “ Gentlemen of the House of Commons, “The financial affairs of the country, which under democratic misrule had created universal alarm, are now placed on a sound and | satisfactory footing, and that without having recourse to the aid of a sponge. “ My Lords and Gentlemen, “ Our Secretary of State fag Foreign Affairs has received a com munication from the Papal Nuncio expressing the gratification of his | Holiness with his recent visit to Pompeii, and intimating his inten- | tion to take up his permanent residence in this favoured land, where | wise and liberal reforms tend to consolidate our Institutions, and where freedom of opinion is the birthright of all our sons. “ Gentlemen of the House of “ Our eldest daughter, the Paincess or Frortpa is about to | form an alliance with our illustrious Poet Laureate. While recognising the omnipotence of Love, we cannot but feel that our Royal House will derive a lustre from its union with genius, more resplendent than any jewel in our crown. | “ My Lords and Gentlemen, “ Sensible of the impolicy of sumptuary we have never- theless deemed it expedient, owing to the crowded state of our Hos- pitals, to instruct the Attorney-General to prepare a Bill for the im- mediate abolitién of Hoops, and (subject to the approval of Her M \jesty’s Maids of Honour) for the substitution of some efficient mode by which Hearts instead of Heels may be taken captive. “The Early Closing Movement has always received our strenuous | support, and we sould be glad if its advantages could be extended to both Houses of Parliament, having frequently had occasion to remark the evils connected with late hours of business, and being painfully conscious that the evening’s legislation will not always Ge the morning’s reflection.”

Signs of Peace. Mr. Wewpew. Paitirers accuses his President of being “ a turtle.” Mr. Laxcouy has been making a speech at a meeting, so the Bisaor or Oxvoxp will be pleased to think that “the voice of the turtle is heard im the land.”

“We daily receive assurances of ote Soe Foreign Powers, witli | of aa august ally the Emperor ov Jaray, | we have made considerable retrenchments in diplomatic ure, |

notwithstanding ' “We had directed estimates to be prepared with due regard to | economy and the efficiency of the public service. While making ample | ion, cotton, we are gratified | —— ee aa ks supply 1a

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92 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Avcusr 30, 1862. ag, il — VMK, Sit as, Vo Vi YUM? a J ““hf WL7TWTWF ae ‘ ee >” j}assumed that he is about to relapse into crime, and he will be GAOL-BIRD WATCHERS WANTED. jat once apprehended, and recommitted to prison under his original Mx. Pouncn, he scarce need say, has little wish to lessen the liberty | 5°@*€2¢e- , enjoyed by any free-born British subject. But the liberty of knocking} In Ireland, says a writer in the Zimes, who seems acquainted with Mr. Punch upon the head, or of garotting him by gaslight, or of using | the subject, these sensible conditions are rigidly enforced. In England, other violence against his sacred person, for’ such liberty as this r. | he affirms, they are completely disregarded. Will Srm Ricnanp Marve Punch has \ittle sympathy, and fe always will do all within his power | inform us kindly, why? Have we in England not police enough to to diminish it. So, when Mr. Punch observes that the liberty extended | watch the gaol-birds who are liberated? If this be so, Sir Ricwanrp, to incarcerated prisoners, released before the expiration of their sen-| pray get what more men you want, and let us know the cost of them. tences by virtue of certificates which are called their tickets of leave— | Criminal prevention is better far than care: if tickets of leave do cure, that this liberty is used by its fortunate possessors as a means to bruise | which at present there are grounds for more than half denying. To pay and batter helpless a in the streets, and to perpetrate all sorts of | for more police is a less painful operation than to have one’s eye gouged crimes and savage cruelties, Mr. Punch then feels inclined to look upon | out, or one’s neck garotted. So, if need be, let us clap on extra peeler such liberty as a wild and savage licence which ought not to be suffered | power expressly to look after these interesting criminals, who by gam- in a civilised community, and which in common sense and justice ought | moning the governor, and coming the religious dodge to please the to be suppressed. |chaplain, have managed to obtain a leave of absence from our gaols. Oh but, say philanthropists, you ought in charity to give the poor | The police, by the late Poaching Act, will be obliged in some places to unhappy criminal a chance of reformation., Yes, granted, so that this | put on extra bulls’-eyes to see after the pheasants; and were some does not involve the chance of cutting other people’s throats, or using | €xtra men employed to watch the gaol-birds out of cage, ibly there fancy ways to bludgeon or garotte them. It has been ascertained that | might be less of poaching on our pockets, and garotting of our throats. twenty out of every hundred prisoners, who have been set free with inne — 0 aaa ps to crime again = Sa penae md —— ae iberty ; and it is sus y those competent to judge, that more than : _ fifty in each hundred of them actually do 20. A large per-centage this | SER TANEES BAND 65D SOUEAMS, for the philanthropists to fight against, when they try to make us fancy| Woyart shall we say of JonaTHan vowing vengeance and breathing that the ticket-of-leave system works most admirably well, and that fire and fury against his Southern kinsfolk? May we not say that very few, if any, evils are occasioned by it. Surely it is misdirected | Joyarmay is exhibiting himself in the character of Jonataan Wip? sympathy to feel compassion only for those who are criminal. Ought there yan be mene a the a ope nightly ay — risk 0 ing strangied in the streets? And ought not means for their | protection in pity to be thought of, before the interesting criminal who | Fe a Correspondent. threatens them be cared for ? | To a Lady-Correspondent from Reading, who remarks with some Tickets of leave are granted durante vitd bene actéd—upon condition | motherly indignation upon the admiration which the statue of the that those blest with them shall properly conduct themselves. No | Reading Girl lias excited, and who says that she has a Reading boy who, fresh vice is needful to cause their being cancelled. It is legibly | if he were properly sculptured, would be equal to any girl in that endorsed upon each of these certificates that if the holder “ associates respectable Ber shire village, we can only say, that she better send with notoriously bad characters, leads an idle and dissolute life, or| up her boy, carriage paid, to the Stereoscopic Company, who have has no visible means of obtaining an honest livelihood, it will be | bought the girl. We never interfere in local disputes. Printed by William Bradbury, of No. Woburn Place, in the Pasich of 8. of Middlesex, and Frederick Mullett Evass, of Ne, 11, Bouverie Street, in the Precinet of Wsgirtars. Cty of Loodas, Print Mo Ope Salem, Lincs, tho Pariah of Ss. Pemenas Jo, the County of Pissieers. J pukaked ty them of Wo Ob, Pies tweets ns tee Forah of bs. Bein, Cnty of -~Sarvapar, August 3, PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. a Pina 2.2 2. a. ce fad