Punch 1851: Vol 21

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“VOLUME We nie Iii i" LONDON : PUBLISHED AT THE OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET. AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS, 1851.

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LONVOR : BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WHITEFRIABS.

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a! SS v : ie XQ ORO IRIS STN Re \\ yi > - f /f Vp \\ NA a N\ h\ NS SSS AT sun-rise this morning,” PuncH was alarmed—for one minute only, by the repeater, taken from the head of his bed—by the sound of guns. “ Bless us!” said we, “have Lisgrté, Ecauirt, Fraterntrf& come to London, and are they at it in the streets?” More guns! Hushing our beating heart, we listened. Hark! That ’s the Tower gun—and there —that’s the Park gun! It must be another royal arrival. Well, we have seen no promise of it in the Morning Post, but it must be another “addition to domestic happiness ! ” We laid ourselves back again with the thought ; when a knock came at our bed-room door, and we heard the sharp, eager voice of the Printer’s Devil—* Wish you many happy returns of the day, Sir!” cried the little Devil. “Day!” we answered, “what do you mean ?” “Mean, Sir! Why, please, Sir, have you forgot it, Sir? This is = Birth-day, Sir. To-day, Sir, you’re One-and- Twenty Volumes old. ey ’re a-firing the Tower guns, Sir ; and the Park Sir ; and they ’re going to roast bullocks in the Green Park, Sir; and Barcuay AND PERKINS gives away three hogsheads on account of what they call the ’spicious day, Sir ; and we ’re to have rockets and blue lights, —and now they're a-ringing all the City bells—don’t you hear ’em, Sir !—hurray! hurray!” And the Little Devil, carried off his legs by his feelings, seemed at one jump to reach the bottom of the stairs, We again fell back in the bed, subdued, yet grateful with the thought that warmed our heart. “It is true, true as Time: we have attained our majority of paper and print ! Yes; this present Christmas Punca is Onz-anp- Votumes Onn!”

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PREFACE,

| first, Sir? Lorp Jon Russet or the Lorp Maron?” * given the Company. How all the City Bells did i ae ee oe ery eee Spr Sa Be tte tee rots, elves the i in the streets! And our own bell of Sr. Brrpz’s,—with what a sweet si snee it wagy ere geamig Aocon 2s Bie rejoicing at the Owz-axv-Twewviets Birth-day of Puxcu. We are proud to confess it: we did feel our heart-strings tremble, sweetly responsive to the music. We arose at our tisual wintef hour ; and~there was the finger of Inck im the matter—we unconsciously put on our court suit ; that very eut velvet worked with amaranths adown the borders anid po¢ket-holes, and spotted with fi me-nots on the bod ether with the satin Waistcoat with those life-like halcyons worked in it—the whole to de with the amber-colo inevitables. (Yes; we endued ourselves in that very court suit which we have had prepared for us, when—at- a minute’s notice and upon the last emefgencyHer Masesry may to swear in the Privy Councillor) We had scarcely breakfasted, when ouf joeund Publisher stood before us. He wore a wreath of mistletoe, and carried a wand twined its full length with holly. “Ifyou please, Sir,” said he, “they ‘re come.” “Who’s come?” we asked. “ Everybody ’s come, Sir. The have fired—the bells afé ringing—and everybody’s come. Which will you have “Lorp Jony! Why, you never mean ”— “They ‘re all here, Sir; but one and all, Sir oh sae in the fough, and insist upon no ceremony. "Twill be more hearty and like yourself, they say, Sir. Which ‘ise, Sit? Loxp Jons, or the Lory Maron !” And not awaiting an answer, oat Publisher vanished, and the next minute we heard ceretionious footsteps treading the stairs, Another minute, and Lorp Jonmn, with“all the Ministers in town,” stood im our modest apartment, We all bowed to each other. Lorp Joun then approached us—took us by the hand, and said, in his own epigrammatie way“ Mn. Ponctt, as a Pe fecognition of the value of your counsel—coumsel, so modestly advanced, but that ever has its weight at a@ certain Table—nry colleagues and myself are here to ~ eae you. It has been said, Sir, that the literary mind ie ‘the dnagktowledged legislator of the world.’ The wig © true ; I hope the acknowledgment will henceforth be made as manifests Mr. Puncn, you have this day One-andTwenty Volumes on your head ; may every new Volume, like every Volume past, be only as & new curl upon the head of Samsoy—so that with a hundred Volumes you may stand like the giant of old, the stronger with every growth!” (Cry of “ Hear! Hear!” from Lorp Patmerston.) The Lonp CHtancettor aid the Junces next presented themselves. “Mr. Puncn,” saidhis Lordship, “we are here to congratulate and thank you as @ great law reformer. When Heftcutes cleansed the Augean Mews he had (besides the river) a broom. You, Sit, are mightier than Hercenas, What can withstand your river—sable stream !—flowing from your ink-horn 1 Aad whilst your mighty oose-pem supplies at one end the power of the HercuLean besom, does it not—pointed and endowed like ImmURtEL’s spear—to false seeming into true reality, with the other?” (Cry of “ Very Good!” from Justick TALFOURD.) The Lory Maton and Atounmen (in theit rébet) were next shown up His Lordship said, “Mr. Puncn, from the first hour that you condescended to take wp your abode im the City of London, which, Sir, I will venture to call metropolis of the world—(" Hear ! Hear!” from tin La City has felt, in a thousand ways, the beneficence of your whereabout. Sir, since your wit has shone in Fleet Street, Street has never known a Fog—(cries x: Oh | ”)—that is, not a Fog to speak of. It i to you, Sir, that we owe the abolition of twopence taken heretofore at St. Paul’s—it is ¢ to irresistible pen that the pens of Smithfield have no an existence, And, Sir, to conclude, I feel that I cm only poscessed by that traditional spirit of propheey that has all ‘ors, from Warrrixeron to Hunter, to predict a, er future good shall d upon the City, that good will full upon it fall—as from the feathers of a Bird of Paradi the pen-feather of Punca.” (“ Hear, hear!” from*Str Peter Lavne; who also says, aside, “ An excellent speech ; I shall certainty put it down.”) And thus was Puncn congratulated by various bodies, until, at four o’clock, he was left grateful, de , and exhausted, alorte im his arm-chair. He was lapsing into slumber, when his faithful Publisher aroused him. “Sir,” he, “you must not forget the dinner—five, punctual ;—everybody will be there.” Enough ; we went forth and dined, dined with—but our Artist has However, we rose from table early, and accompanied by many of our friends, sallied forth. It was about nine o’clock in the evenimg when we visited Hyde Park. ‘Even at Apsley House, we be to smell the bullocks ing in honour of our Twenty-First Volume. Nor could there be, throughout the breadth and length of the land, a plan~pudding bi than Puncn’s heart, when he beheld, after shcwers of fire-works, these burning words in rainbow-coloured lights,

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a4 i SO s488essedeers seri tS << cami <a A aint:

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heel A WICKEE-Wo hase for cold heel exh anions been. ore an inspection of this wicker before it is admitted into the precincts re else a pe ma pe aoe | theme ro onl og bel oy. Who Ba knows thee Bote HaAM—may net Lone Bacgonau may net be con at night, and take a , unobserved, of thi sgt iti r THE LAY OF THE LONDON WAN T tired of the season, am fate ts sweets ; am getting sick cf Lon thie somes at he streets ; ¥ ny. I have danced till I am dizzy. *d till I am lame ; Near h ‘nn in the Crystal Palace I cat almost tell b name ; roe have feasted in the City, crammed ys turtle toe thrast, st me rash on board the steamer—let Ao Fp Margate boat bot pad in a cab I hurry, and the Havin corned Bie Ko perpeeniiges ha I inves gained the gallant yessel, and the d Funnels in my ear are shrieking—blacks are Now, the Skipper skips before me,—on the faves with his features, makin » With bronzed complexion, erp oft Tn the little Greenwich epee, an eed Hant tar, that brought the Bei ll hen the water at its lowest covered hf tp ep Donon Pier, Gallant tar, that beens bg maar a! Ay the bo a ' With the Meteor slap afore ery tar, that has presided ne rioy ¢ed the bacon, cut th yooys pt thea, and omred the veal; faye the lady sitting near war § of under-done, ng the dainty morsel with the lightly utter’d mt: se lant a, that, after dinner, : ai ee and b is bis thumb driver puts me down, eerie me -A-Crowil, I boldly pace ; kes the old familiar penn "orth Chee Gallant tar, that gaily paces both the fter decks, Taking—for the fares—the money, pa exchange—the checks. ward, through the muddy waters, goes =the rowel yang her course, maging *gainst o’erladen barges A: Hath, the a the shout o of * Awkward fool!” Following each fresh ¢ollision in began seems to swim around us as we walk ioe the deck. riba now are growing little that were lately very big; Til rin Soon th ce Nore wé shat be be pamine~ Toate itself ot last gay ; Looking out, we can’t help asking, “ Who would always be buoy ?” glide 'o the windward of the v hanging helpless o’er Now the Captain comes before us—every inch a gallant tar ; Round his throat a woollen kerchief, with a iit Ke rew in his eye es, * Tn his — 4 tone of hoarseness as he t bids ¢ “ stand or pumas: we urge, wh “ NEPTUNE seems to ledge us it in a Bay of Herne we Where the architect's invention saw in plans, alas! have ended nm We have left the Bay behind us; ect mitt its Jetty on the ocean, and its w ae There the Camera Obscura in its well-known ; ery of “ Now then, ry imehouse we have left behind us ; Kenan a speck ; is disappea’ underneath the Captain’s Roe the water ’s getting rome I pale-faced people gins s On his head an old sou’-wester, in his mouth a cheap cigar; Throngh the water rides the vessel ; Where the sineeure pelvomen & ‘ations ° he But his WS RMON Eton a a ae ERR: With a coat. whose ouffs apd collar le with inter oe it thee the ad ?’—No, a stamp Ke oa Momane ne Mpen Basacy 05: ited OA ey t j i penta’ 8 St Lowther Arcade. — the baths; bazaars, and dortkeys eat aboun le? VOL, xxI, B ~

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1, OR THE LONDON, CHARIVART.

Margate’s Harbour-Master! Porters tremble at his frown ; ‘lcd hoa b Sawer © he’ Aplewrmes - hha 80 we who ela Soe 3

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pate’ f ing. I’ Let me seek the mad excitement—let me deine oe i sickle audios jes ome oats me by eka. a ee 8) in am 3 ital the Y be York,” var Ship,”’ Sir!—last, not} When she wares, In eS in weet ek me halloo, “You| | a he “Pi a’am, yes +9 treatment when from home would meet, | Buy me heaps of M slippers, and novels old ;— Pi mye teak hoe are the delights of Margate, a8 Thar always told. ag sword will wear the scabbard, so my brain has worn my head. aiter! boots! or anybody! see me safely up to bed.

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A NICE LITTLE GAME—TO BE PLAYED ON A FOREIGNER! commited tm be pkey of = be in the least astonis. fearful occurs after the warning we have the fat wis rest auide on the heads of = Police. we think they ought to a stop to the oie. Healy we think they ought, to naeg daily played by. by ytbe street vendors who are te Bear in ast ye SS eee i ret eir fun upon the poor foreigners w rye kom from the Richmond Busses. Their favourite game ? They. select Bn poor unfortunate who longest . They surround him on all sides with open razors in their hands. The oy follow him from street oeing their oat. e shrugs his shoulders—per- haps laugh —then looks fierce—and im i the most pn al pantomimic gestures that he want any. They still follow him, recommending their wares,—‘ Monseer will find a razor will do him a deal of good.’ The A 4 a oe They flourish théir razors in his face. He = ‘ 3 1% be a Foseel Saih be ensee swears. A coneeeeee’ é, r collects. a The little blackguards | contri sua VEL \; | unconsciously to the fun, he losing 1 command of his ial i = A\, | temper. If he raises his aks with anghter, The rase ) [mob knows no bounds— it shrieks with laughter. are brandished still more vigorously in his face, accom with witticisms which our — forbids ue This game is carried on in th iest manner, all Regent Street,—till at last -the dbiset of refuge in some bil liard- -room, or a cigar and cnt an. end to the fun.” Now, we are only afraid if. erator. should ‘ to touch a hair of the Frenchman’s beard that the fun t take.a very different turn. We are very reluctant to*i ‘with the amusements of the people,:and have no desire to i them of one of their sports and pastimes; but the game in question we denounce ‘gs & cruel one, and, i bree certainly lead to the ‘most serious cheoguene. sider, for instance, what would, be the fearful result if “the game were accidentally attempted upon Caussiprékz!

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oS phalmesgle ongmsa : Wagga» |, One Way of Getting Through the Exhibition. 188. NT KEEP IT. ou caAN Have « Srrawpenry Ice snp A AFER We hardly think it on be twee that @rowi aor wes in the = ow a a bon gt wey fell through ip be ¢ thing is so absu: we can scarcely THE WAGGERIES OF WAGGETT, and yet 7 have believed many absurd things of the ola i = 4 Tue House of Commons is in a fix for want of Waccerr, the missing | his time. . The “stupid rumour is, that the Hon. ‘4 witness i in the St. Alban’s Election case. . A reward :of pounds has ‘been | Lincoln was anxious to_visit the Exhibition t ; but Mz. Waceerr not mean to allow hi to go—or, rather, | that he had chosen the Balloon ,.in order to give tet to come—at such a shabby figure. The fact i act is, he seems waggishly disposed, and | an opportunity of “ dropping in” on the sly! nati A —— * Fonplinge y ne moan weed epee ary sgh we ir, who e round the witness, and into the compan , of the witness, thout being ial the witness. r LABOURS OF THE ABODE OF LOVE. ; Soug ine F in 4 French hotel Aw illiterate. defending the . inmates: of the. Agape-

i witness loves to dwell, mone from the charge of idleness, argued that they were never | — in fact, Mn. Wisseer ed France so much, that he contemplates, it is | in want of hockey-pation. ee a mi So would ran’ aftee Wi they would after the Hippopota who would run a‘ter WAGGETT, as wou mus, ‘ the Elephant, orany other lion of the day, must expedite their movements if thi PROMOTION FOR THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF! wish to see the interesting object within an easy distance of London ; for he A Mesientst peeks to convert the Inow Dui into steel not, as he tells the Inspector, remain much longer “on view” at Boulogne. in order to magnetise

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b Sa sh PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAR ae WOMAN’S| EMANCIPATION. (Being a Letter addressed to Mr. Punch, with a Drawing, by a strong-minded American Woman.) 2 FE : ite easy to realise the considerable difficulty that the natives try are like to have in estimating the rapid progress of subjects among us, the Anglo-Saxons of the Western travels with us on a rail-car, or a high-pressure river- eee i ap os Ed sepntion, mpien ponder a ey e’s y river, whose water-power has topple i wths of the world, without being able to. detach congenial mud from which they draw their nutriment, or run down in the headlong career of the United fi i 3 asi 5 Fs i Fs “f de to scorn the dangers of popular effervescence. Our wed and cavernous-eyed statesmen sit, heroically, on the and the mighty ark of our vast Empire of the West moves the square inch which would rend into shivers the of your outworn states of the Old World. which the refined manners of our ladies have : _ yt ee and ag ep of oe oe house, #¢ go a- our progress is the progress of all—not o high and lew. for we have abolished the odious Gtinotion—but of man, woman, and child, each in his or her several sphere. sharp, and highly independent from the cradle. The high-souled American boy will not submit to be whipped at school. That punishment is confined to negroes and the But it is among owr sex: ma my is Tuzoposia Evpoxia Bane, of Boston, U.58., Principal of the Homeopathic and Collegiate Thomsonian Institute for developing the female mind in that in’ ual city)—that the atranger may realise ip, the most incing manner the progressional influences of the ee institutions it is our privilege to live under. ican female—for I do not like the term Lady, which suggests distinctions of { EE it e ; AG md | Ht women—(for I am a woman, and fe —can travel alone from one en to the other—from the majestic waters of Ni to the of the Yellow-stone, or the rolling prairies of Texas. The American female delivers lectures—edits newspapers, and similar organs which exert so mighty a leverage on the national mind of of opinion, ; r our great people—is pri to become a martyr to her principles, d | may see this banner by the si Wann and to utter her soul from the Poz or the immortal Peanoby. A peculiar privilege of man, as opposed to woman. signed to the slavish duties of the house, In America the degrading cares of the household are pomeeratony. unknown to our sex. The American wife resides in a ing-ho' and, consigning the petty cares of daily life to the helps of the eatablishtent, enjoys | _ pursuits, and can follow her vast aspirations upwards, 0 er direction, We are emancipating ourselves, besege other badges of the slavery of feudalism, from the inconvenient dress of the European female. With man’s functions, we have a our right to his garb, and especially to that part of it which invests the lower extremities. With this great symbol, we have adopted others—the hat, the cigar, the paletot or round jacket. And it ig generally calculated that the dress of the Eman- cipated American female is quite pretty,—as. becoming in all points as it is manly and independent. I enclose a drawing made by my gifted fellow-citizen, IncreAsen Tanpox,. of Boston, U.S., for the Free Woman's Banner, a periodical under my conduct, aided by several gifted women of schapiiiolest progressive genoa. I appeal to my sisters pf the Old World, with confidence, for their sympathy their. countenance in thes i en , that I have a mission across the broad Atlantic, and the steamers are now running at reduced fares. I hope to rear the standard of Female Emancipation on the roof of the C; Palace in London Hyde Park. Empty wit may sneer at its form, which is bifurcate, And why not? Manomet warred under the Petticoat of his wife Kapica. The American female Emancipist marches on her holy war under the dis- tingsisling omg of her husband. In the compartment devoted to the United States in your par my sisters of the old oper e of a uniform of female fr —suc as my drawing represents,—the garb of martyrdom for a month; the trappings of triumph for all ages of the futare ! Turoposia EB. Bane, M.A., M.C.P., ¢4.K., K.L.M., &., &., (of Boston, U.8.). or in any The St. Alban’s Emigrant. WE never ¢ any unfortunate individual went to Boulogne as a matter of choice, but ota of necessity. But it seems different in the of Ma. annie ope el Waceerr, Bens _when_asked wie -at-Arms, chose Boulogne? replied, “ Because it was aply his (selection.” Q ConstituTiIoNaL ZooLocy.—In one and the same colama of the Times we read that “ An Ereruant Car and its Morner” have been to the Zoological Collection in Regent’s Park, and that “His Eminence CarpinaL Wiseman in Full Costume” is to be seen at Tussaun’s. The propinquity of these announcements excites the ion, how much pleasanter an importation is an elephant calf than a papal

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= ‘pe seinen ie Wades this impression he book on Homceopathy in his wife’s ly ; she read it ; became a convert, to the doctrine of HaHNBMANN ; discontinued the medicine Si te eee ed de nae tetead | waither has he Pit ike Fosmern, with weler, nas if > eee and . co o feeinter ebay aoa alge as - eae dies Le ietioant of Farum pe gg * > rise above one another, like the s in the Duke “irae nila aceon Me, ate Soy ak cos, nat ara eet | wonky ther sdminisered Homeopathic. ah with se ie and seems as if it had been ae laid ine maids-of-all- | 4 from taking the former rather than the latter. U: tionably, per praeace in infinitesimal doses may remove the effects of of debauchery Sodio eet ety on mischief i from over-fondness 2 oe ew hic | ™ SUN ba Tehnitonoet doses are next to.n0 p Y at to that, they are the best Penny or Tor having taken’ too much ae Peet has no doubt that diseases. He only hopes that ete Father ny py he a ae ot Oe 4a lose some of its members t his wil bottle containi te, headache with which he had risen on the m ing aftet & inier-party, by a globule which she had given him cland it is no child of Punch’s, SS ae ee alleged facts. Moreover, as sces fo off ina fo hours when eft lon, he does not would be proved by the ebablenss of us napracable genni ofmedine at an aconite bottle, or swall “It is quite provehian:™ onye Toor, to Pihocbews PoE pee Sect Be m so little understand.” But who does understand ? She hopes Puc Taal wil uot sasin © teas Ticking hy” until he has tested| ! ya aed in the recommended by | Mr. Punch must Paling wat ne wae tilt or yO oa is made ont & or vi rue 80. this, expected to investigate a whic cpparent absurdity onthe ego He is not bound to Ww ether can really be whispered away, or toothache remov oh gies “te ae to Rs at such itious quaeke t rests of whi ve Puach areerand ‘Sed vite say but eee be sure, ee es se 0 powerful than their have no pe ible operation on 0 th infinitesimal terial bees ‘ oD wong phe Te fe chi Phe a polls “4 Punch to all Police Magistrates. GunTLaMeN,—In the erent of any future attempted ascent by Mr. and Mus. Granaw in particular, or anybody else in general, i} oe L not be as well that you should first see how the wind blew, that should not fa wafted into Hyde I Pak, and iam dropt y le: 4 = te pal i a He jewels of the Quzzn or ‘Sate, mayhap, among t ae a oe ck of the Quan o ing out the erequdls, sisy- ee cote luggage of : eS ‘4 JOURNEY ROUND THE GLOBE. $n, did net oven take suatiies, mE pagent a The latter we a ith at the end et oy our ny that we been the Globe i We have our doubts whether ladies will = B. Bs ti: i S23. approve tyle of travelling. It dis with everything in the shape of luggage. "Our only passport was's ing. This passport is very convenient. It no viséing. No St Ie ee ee es ae saked about your = oe door ; We ik tare it in lala sat was as as ng ound the Clk of 7 te road. There is no dust, nor any throwing of eggs nor so om ng je fos Boome gs Fil there == no beggars, monks or “ ead 5 no Saag as in sian as easy as going w a and coming Beg " ‘on is made on foot. aoe oe 1 ee sat who cannot travel any. where fet) in their own qerhen, ae thoughts of travelling eae Of Globe. Ibis try ¥ gery! er mie made - herein re me — taut ht to ‘addon t ste ich are ta om i eo ere. inion a pon traveling, i must be confessed, 4 i an py Be the —— fe ier cre aries yr - e pecul terior. Tn this ly ay Wain has fo has eatisfactorily ear that the interior oat the lobe’ is not ‘lied with work, or poor relations on a visit. Our first me See through the bn pe oer is to sai + when 3S pp emnepr yg that the be mech regnbled he crust of a beefsteak overbaked. ea ere = a surface, where the Fo age are supposed to rise by the potatoes sambering below aloes eh hilst the ¢ rivers are i pateah ey he em we ingenious fancy the bumps caused | car minds ee ment tempting glimpses of the rich y that is flowing nee OTs notion of the pie is not ‘th the least overdone ; for “| heat of the Globe is equal to that of any baker’s oven, wonder at this, when jets of gas bursting out of the Earth, in a number roast a prize ox at an these several gases pa aaa we — confident that if an he Earth, took we observed at every which the a We dont turn that ¢ pee of the ensuing elections, The shes the saeapiored of the Earth almost to boiling his dinner wit spot, free of expense. The most curious ¢ is, that the er ~ at oo that when ie World, the hotter it becomes for him ; sO Ps elevation . ‘man Can ettain, b he suddenly finds the ourselves. We felt the 80 encceslve, Regions must be of all regions the coldest in the always to be ft early peas ny districts; and hom fast as we could, in our panting way u pus) eS oT ont ~ phd Pole,—we could e climate eh dy ee eign those ts of the Globe where a person can that we (et anticipating a jong journey compelled to run down Tropics as cndee 0 $0 Gal Uglies it lucky that thare * Rn. WYLD would have made us regret World at all And of this we should have been d fe i truth, this World is a most beautifal one. It is most dgrec im the centre of the Barth, and and continents,—first, to feast with your eyes a whole Atlantie- will, you cannot take all the water in. Yo he| close in around ou, and vend you u a water-butt. You Hy : fo in ou dread lest the waters should p like a cork in the middle of railings for. ; but the sight of is before you; land cheers you the next gerne All the W have to choose where to go to Tun to cupies so Pais’ your on With Get or sis he oh i | ert ple that bad boxer eoneidevebie epee

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not before, a world-wide renown. climates—dead of which little is known; whilst a those parts where the Sun it 0 ot Ldsoss stascese, Bet this mx that “one half the Globe THE WATERLOO BANQUET. N the 18th inst.,; Frexp- Palace, ‘the Committee, and the most distinguished of the foreign issi Prince Atsert, as the originator of oe Gand cheered by the assembled multitude in Pi ly; , and cartied in their button-holes sprigs of artificial olive. Mn. Paxton was enthusiastically greeted by ot Se ented of ee Deke's wise on . Fox and sed ito the court-yard of the mansion. The band of the Grenadier various airs on the arrival of Pan eo “ God the Pamos; “Af Beauty's of glass,” UE oe of a mountains, and the comparative sizes of the di i meas ured to the nigety of a fashionable 0 we ; but Ma, Wri», wi that in no worldly q moderation of his m ty ¢ in some parts red and tawny, like a lion’s—and in others a rich yellow, with beautiful black marks, like the stripes on a leopard’s back. hundred others, hung ste blue-water, and you will have a vivid con & very picturesque one, of the Globe which like a fine, suggestive, picture, on the wall, for us to look at. The great the picture all at once. , is scarcely the ine of cab leaf; and Koen tds the sentoe of certtioms to sk 1 remarked by moralists hefore, then, if it were not, we could never have seen is very lucky; for it has enabled Mz. Wrip this purpose Mz. Wp has called in the of eae whose brush must now enjoy, if it did _ Warm colours are given to warm colours to barren districts—neutral colours to countries generous couleur de row is of Civilisation is supposed to shine the Fancy these, and many up in monster frames with endless margins of ition, though perhaps not Wri b have been run up purposely to show us doesn't know what the other half is doing.” hical globule, which swallow. You see the com ive | frosted silver, adorned the of t | various than the dresses of foun as suspended, It is cut in two by the 4 many of whom i. white ribands. “i ts As 2am By ~~. | Dake’s victory in te, Loud applause was like- DERSON as arm-in-arm MARSHAL THE Duke oF Wet- LINGTON gave his customary grand banquet on the ~ anni of the = battle of Water- > loo—with a slight ™: difference. In the year 1851 it was thought better to = ealobente the vic- = tory of peace— ~ ay (the result of the war)—by enter- ing in Apsle Seite mnilders of the Crystal incensed with gunpowder and to by “‘a pellet of lead, ae rounds of Lond RANELAGE, at Polke; nor should we belie Tinsans. Cospsn and Bricxt inconsistent as were themselves even to assist at the ceremony. past seven the dinner “ was- “i of “ The red, red rose,” as the There was the greatest ena in what we have seen for walls; and MAN’S leaves, A splendid model of the ec BER His Grace believed there was had truth that would prove in the er than cold iron; and he Beech ew lee eee oc ra a wou soy him fo say as mucha eal \ dive onthe teuiel. Other speeches were made and at 10° o’clock the ead | guests departed, the band playing, you seen my Flora pass this ” way ? FAREWELL TO THE MOUNTAIN. A SMASH FOR THE KOH-I-NOOR, ; By 4 Shilling Visitor. FaREwet1 to the Mountain—the great Koh-i-noor, | The gold-caged old brilliant is bore ; a ; All hite, all so dull ight think it a sell : Tis a bale to oto Puewell! oh, Farewell ! Farewell—more attractive a hundred things near, The snob and the here. 7 hum and whoertuoug Ya they ell: Such a price is mere fable— yell! oh, Farewell ! Farewell to the Mountain—its are but pale,— sic of ie le ne ay de 80 Whl 80 ee and Science fe ae Farewell! ob, Farewell ! “THE GOD OF BATTLES,” Lord Raweiacn has held some solemn ings at hi Fulham. The needle-gun has done its wonders, and, Boab Cpe : “ Mr. Couven and Mr. Bricut, ee es ee ee in ascertaining that 2. Pollet of lead of a certain has a greater rectilinearity when driven through a rifled tube Denes, Coy eo en amount of gunpowder, than when placed iu the ordinary ” " With all submission, Punch believes that should feel & slatuaas “dis pe ' egal pene eyise be showered thiek as hailstones, al better; men would have less S y Pipe dies Ts whale eee and Fenda se ' ” “ But, in all honesty, until Mussns. C. and B. avs brought about the abolitica : of the dread appeal ta the ted at hoa ead have oa ths arbitrator has 80 occasion arises. The God of Battles, then, inevitably favours the “ greater momentum and ee of the weapons of those mo practically worth him. The “ of Battles” is ever on the rah the " and the strongest. It is very right, See, that Divinity al ‘and. oe

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~~ 7 ee NEVER MIND oLo HAW WELL BGATH em YET &£ SIBTHORP, IN DESPAIR, THROWS HIMSELF UNDER THE WHEELS OF THE VAN “ JUGGERNAUT.” i ' iit ‘A 4g ail | TVIPPANORWM A Mons | Ps \\\ ' a* \ a bay V/) i — SIM : re Til ff) \ ms MN, \\ \h\ THE SAINT OF ST. ALBAN’S, Very jollily, indeed, lives Mz. Gzoncr Seater Wacoetr at ; when he ought to be im custody of the House of Commons touching certain doings at the late election of St. Alban’s. Wacertr was invited back to England by a Policeman despatched for that purpose. “ Wacortr, Waecett, Wacortt, Come and be cribb’d.” But Wacextr would not come; and France would not commit a breach of hospitality; and so, without Waceerr, returns the Police- man; the majesty of the British Parliament being set at nought by the Briton who, from the heights of Boulogne, may put his tongue in his cheek and make contemptuous mouths at the white cliffs of England. He may “take a sight” of Dover Castle, and then wend jooundiy to ig he eo de |’Hépital to swallow a dram of cheap cognac. What’s to Punch—as wsual—solves the difficulty. Let Canpmat Wiseman be courteously invited to repeat the miracle, upon the best authority, worked by St. Alban, os Protomartyr, and in an hour or so Waceerr is in the grip of the English law. For when St. Alban was condemned to be behended, in his road to execution was a “ river, and the stream in that _ which was pent up by a wall and sand, was exceeding rapid.” Now the multitude was so great, that St. Alban— impatient of martyrdom—feared he could not have ae the bridge evening had he waited for the multitude precede him. Whereupon— “He went to the bank, and, his eyes to heaven, made a short prayer. this the stream was miraculously du and the river dried up in that part, so as to afford a passage to the Martyr and a thousand persons.” "Why should not Canpmvat Wiseman be solicited to take an early train for Dover; and there—for the nonce—make a clear road ag the sea and over the dry shingle for the capture of Waccrrr? Maz. Sreaxxs, pray send for the Cardinal. A Goop Morro ror tHe Kou-1-noor.—Flare up! THE PUNSTER’S FATE. How true it is that the man who makes a pun will pick a pocket, may be ascertained from the reports of last week’s proceedings at the Old Bailey. It will be found, from reference to those dismal records, that a man has madea pun—that he has picked a pocket—that he has been tried, and found guilty. The facts are these :—An infatuated wretch, of the name of Corrow, stole a handkerchief ; and, on being called upon for his defence, he declared “he thought it was his own, because it was a Cotton one.” Judge and Jury felt at once how much the atrocity of the pun added to the enormity of the offence. Who, after this, will dispute the soundness of the axiom, that the man who can make a pun will pick a pocket? The thing has been logically proved ; and henceforth, whenever a punster is known to be t in a large poe cry will be, as a matter of course, “Take care of your MAKING SMALL BEER OF IT. As two jolly draymen were taking their round In the Palace of Crystal, enjoying the sight, A number of curious people they found, ‘ Inspecting a thing valled the Mountain ef Light. s one to the other, “ There ’s nothing so strange sage gh Yeo nl PY eel ech s the other, ou’re right, e uch a Mountain of Light for a Fountain vy. How the Whigs Get Rid of the Public Dust. _Lorp Szrmovr, in answer to a question from Mz. Hume as to the disposal of a sum of £1260, “explained that the vote was for x getting rid of the dust, of which the House had in former years so much com- lained.” Now it strikes us, if the Whigs had more Dust than they vee what to do with, that the easiest way of washing their hands of it would have been by remitting the Duty off Soap! . a a Fy i Meg hg FOE Te mee age See ee

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ce Sati weit) | ‘ \ ~~ ——~> ee | SS ono — sallll —_— THE AMAZON (B—G—M) ATTACKING CHANCERY ABUSE. (BEING HIS L—D—P’S FIRST APPEARANCE THIS SEASON.) | | |

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ae

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» TS HIS GHOST AT THE QUEEN'S an: vO has to than his old Sculiciioation froie the Shades June 18, 1851.+-From Elysian Fields pap eee to the great Ball, which deli foe Tune to Time, and ae what goes on, and is i @ Plea- sure, 1. thi de have, and more ¢ cou! for L. expect. tate Rooms t open for the pa and all petra med wi Ladies, 4 cre the CE wi y a, ee Velvet or te ‘4, and a min Cop the Top, and lined with Satin and eer 3 and the Quzzw and Paros sitting on Se pring, with so much Gold and Silver, ] and Muslin, and ae Satins of all Colours, and Diamonds, an Pearls sparkling everywhere about them, and flowering Shrubs behind their State Chairs, that made, I think, the finest Sight I ever did see eh the be nad and much finer than any Thing I saw when I lived there ; snd fhe Com to think what Splendour and Magnificence the World ps Court vb come to! e Gentlemen’s Dresses as fine as the or finer, and their Doublets, Trunks, and Sleeves decked out with ig Teer and Lace, and the Fashion of their Clothes for the most : Part quite right and proper, and did do my Eyes good to see. The Quzen did wear the grand Dress of the Court of the French King that was in my Time, mig ies splendid, and more than it was then, which I did not think possible, of grey watered Silk, trimmed with Gold and Silver Lace and Bows of rose-coloured Ribands, fastened with Knots of Diamonds; and the under Skirt of embroidered Cloth of Gold with of Silver Fringe, and the Gloves and Shoes embroidered, , with Gold Roses and Lilies, and four great Emeralds shaped like fs ex and —— as as big, on the Front of the Dress, cost more Money see the Parycer in a Coat of Cloth of Gold with ogee and semaggh and pink and white Featlers in his . ig and grey ighty handsome, beyond what I ever saw the en et and 1 dc a Shink to get_me a Suit like it, Bye- and-bye th % px y a March, and in come the Spanish rds and Ladies almost all, and then French and ‘oa on noe is Quadrilles, and then my Lorp Stewarp walking backwards like a oun with great Reverence, did lead the Seu oot the Seas from the Throne Room to the Room, and

"\ Sut mmethi

e CountEss oF Winton’s Quadrille with other great bag Gentlemen, and after that the Queen did lead d the Company followed two and two, which was j a, at both the QuzEN and the Prixce do dance rarely. na ef think how different the Fashion of Dancing, what with Waltzes, , ad Polkas, and Gallops, is to what it was as ” remember, and how _ anlike the Prince do ve to the King, in dancing with the Ladies, . wad the Ladies too, to Sapa tay S Time; which is more handsome ; not so much Sport. ad and ‘pleased mightil tol hear so many Tunes ave yed that I knew, but did not hear ““ Beauty Retire,” which Srepesied to best but did not, which vexed me to the Heart, Ididalso to see them dance the Brantle, but they did not, nor the Country- which I did hear the King at his Great Ball at Whitehall onee ¢all | t by N: did see the Duke or Wexiineron in the Dress os a the * Troops =~ m tie Yeon glad Md pare a Sight of hi nd. to ny how well hat did most delight Ime was to see rhs ono Gutsy Jos USTICE in tie cm of Jupen Hap, did hope therein. 1. did also ho au he there in the Dress of the King’s Lord © rome on seeing him dance the Polka, which methought te Merriment, tad Pats mary I could oF aie éé or the Quzzn RINCE to sup eartily, 1d. then back to the Ball Room to danee ; the Q Quen did dance Beas rp thy in a gold Brocade Waisteoat and Velvet which I did mightily admire. The Dancing up, do them’ da t. two in the Morning, but I away at Cock: ving them and I mighty delighted at what 1 had

leasure to see ; and have to Tr: Home to Supper off Nectar and oe hear me talk so much of the Court

Pee eras ife, and very merry we were,

qr gees we are in. datetime, MEDITATIONS IN THE EXHIBITION. BY MR. DOLDRUMS, I vistrep the tal ‘And thre A sag crowd t great Sedbtacaiinn. Thought i i a amg Seems of ¥es, but in ee ae cs fi, i wonder where or how a they ’ll be! Those foreign goods are very ‘well, As enmetiing merely to "behold: hs ontaca chess Dr "ll und 4 And so will drain away our gold : Tt something may the mind enlarge | To view the works of every clime ; But then a shilling is the charge— And so one spends both cash and time. The Arts encouraged thus, indeed, To many must afford employ ; But then to luxury they lead, ee os + the ae eee e people’s taste But, on the other hand, is. Sons They ‘ll cause the to repine, And wish to live e their sphere. We may learn somet. good, ‘tis true, By wines with ros Loree nation } But we shall catch their vices too. It may be that fraternisation With those from whom we stood eloof Before, will foster peace and union But—here a Clown with hobuailed hi Neat Trod right upon my favourite bunioii.

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE INDUSTRY OF ALL NATIONS ! Snourp the Great Exhibition be bs pre the scree | department “~ Be enriched with greg oo which will put the nose c con’s B razen ead quite out of joint. Mn. Atrrep Seer, ee: #¥ work beak ae ay has just published another volume, hi, wherein he says, that— “From the laws which have heen ng evantage fetalian, 14 vit ia amenable to fixed principles. By me that mechanical contrivances migh formed wey give those results which some may have hy the of the mind ftself.” Tn plain terms, Mr. Smee conceives it ques to construct thinking apparatus ; and he actually talks of 4 ” gad & dif. ferential machine,” by whose combined action Ragen proposes to. imitate the operations of ‘the mind. If Mz. = on ony: these contrivances of his to bear, he will confer'a great boon as sess who have lost their wits will then perhaps be pone to 10 have arti brains made for them, as easily a8 a person who has suffered re = is s supplied with a wooden leg. leis: ge will invite our attention “An Entirely New Description of Intellectual Faculties,” or “A New Diseovéry i in Brains,” or Mr. 86 anv So's wen The tre Suecedaneum, Warranted "Never to Decay a Carponce of greater aud’ grester ,Gclcuys badl-e" Madt Mite ahbaaiae r er we 8 aol poets and nualene-al SHAKSPEARES and : actuated by steam and electricity, instead of genius ; ied bards and composers as much as @ ea Cabinets will be literally by. ee making, and the <TR evolving legislative wi At present, however, it does not appear machine equal to a nl donkey power be ben realy } and perhaps, P Sees Se brief epigram, to the author of The P: se of hgh eS ee eee me | general opinion of his that process by mecha. eens ee nism:

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F : Hi 4 Q i ; here a Statue up, laughing like a child, with joy. i chapter of Boccacio read aloud with the eyes. But we must descend from our imaginative balloon, and The cynosure (or rather, the sinecure) of all eye: Koh-i-noor diamond. Poor Fo arg is cuunathing it, for it disdains to shine. it has been lately served up wi this, aqpereny, has only subjected it to more roasting There is something touching m the fact of a the assistance of one of its poor relations—f ‘ are descended from the same family of coal—which said | the-bye, must be about the oldest family in r und than any A i bi ¥- : : 7 if cob & fs ,

AN ORANGE INSULT. [For the Tipperary Fire-eater.] P of P PRCT aR ee 3 aoe wey \\ ‘ | h } if ! af © ars Pac

y Because—can because he drove from the rightful divinit; i test sovereign the brutal Saxon has in reality “to boast AMES THE SEconpD! “Our Protestant faith!” But with Canpma in Westminster, we may afford to smile at the insult. that bright, devoted band, our own Irish brigade—for <_< ie term as a distinction—our own brigade “ in burning row” ina —— —— = of Commons, we wil/ smile; we say, we will smile; smile, and ‘ swear—swear ! |!

Do you see what a crowd hems in the monster hg ey ?—which poy eo many 6 Ses lady would rose her 0 eee THE /FRONT ROW OF THE SHILLING | there would be jumping up after it, to be sure! wre GALLERY.

like the sun, and “giving,” as we heard a stage Frenchman “ about - much li ht . pF = . Lo ory isi : : im setting, however, ma illus various ups that are being quietly exhibited | Gowns’ the diamond has had in ite day. ‘This lump of crystalli the a0 cunnen-of fh Buen ab Se Co ip ag ay ae nee : scenes same time—and peeping e Evening Paper—for i seems icchash loess teeta tees: the ace His an cal peuk, aud’ giaok: chair way’ Galle Ga eeps an immense sea 0 eir way am one eee You ne a them owes inking. It i away, wih hear as crushed ag their bonne ours—a Reel of prismatic rays—w! 0 a of it the following Koh-i-noor pale with or. There they are yom Ren i who are Retunate tasugh to be smiled fantastic figures—Poules—Pastorals—Pantalons i Diamond, are made happy for the rest (o Grandes » Rondes without end round the Crystal Fountain—Cavaliers | rising and setting are made matters of as Seuls i i fashionable world, as the rising and setting of ( ilding. on the top of Mount Righi; and we must say ildly | do Soe oe 5 hage. rs no hat = present at its morning levee, rushes home, in exclaims—“ Oh, Mamma, I’m so Kob-i-noor rise this morning!” e hay who was old enough to know better, bursting into a

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i eee \\y PeLDT BA | ed i. \ aS ees z = prt ip ———_—__ * Nervous Father. “‘Minp, uy Dears, 17 we Miss ONE ANOTHER, WE att Mazer, at Six o’Ciocn, at THe Crrstat Fountain.” all appointments are directed. It is a depdt for stray children—a little receiving-warehouse for all live articles. “Oh! meet me at the in,” seems to be the great song of the Exhibition; and the pathetic scenes that sometimes take place there between husband and wife, after an agonising separation, perhaps, of four or five hours, are more than enough to a eyes with water, more especially if you are standing close to the brim What a good view you have from the Gallery of the little dinner-party 2 gs that is given once or twice a day in the neighbourhood of the when the Shilling guests are invited to the Exhibition. | E NY rank on the premises,”—so the poor )'/’R “ Beer is nor allowed to be people are obliged to drink water—faute de M(1)zvx. But there is something to regale all the senses in the Exhibition— i the sense of touch ;—and yet Portugal allows that nee denies—though we always understood that F uped Wik the Wests Giapuyed ta erory direction’ your cars our is in every ; ears , With the gad fountaths that’ are’ playing With buch ‘around and olfactory organs, with | the that’ makes of Urtcal & hitipy ladle led of feadeante atid contentment, wh (as we heard a “ nobody. Fra : ute Bf me | E Fe Hit I iy : 8 well pleased with the result. still to be educated to a Cologne ;—but one rural the new olfactory a before the Hxse of the fountain amusing view —-; from the Gallery is to a the stall of American re- volvers. The sense of touch there—so liberally, that we . and HH li! i Hie SAHNI) ry! FS! \/a >> } da + eth that they are not loaded— else, with the American of ing like slavery, she wo elevation as’a Mi The gentlemen, who the revolvers, are individual pressing to instructed in the use Eg at E $ BEE H i i i Bees: E ul | ’ Hi

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; of ' eae its as uch an we can oo discern objects dis child attract our attention to the Amazon Statue, and there we discover a young gentleman, in feathers, who has lost his maternal parent. The Police take him up tenderly, and, olen, to-morrow, we shall read an advertisement like the * prouxp yesterday, near the Amazon Statue, a Young Child, in pink Hat and red Feathers, and . his possession tn tn ne Wey ound Mra ratio tn ove hand d ‘plane of ataaatieaaa in the & in ani Sane ‘Aey one giving full to thé Police, Prince's Gate, os t¢ the ownership of 400 may — it a gene) yee i on . it requested t t jild may be removed as soon as possi as he dons nothing but cry since he was taken. si THE THIEVES’ KITCHEN AND THE CUSTOM HOUSE. ed Petition has been laid on the table of the House of by Mr, Punch :-— The Petition of Wit14M, otherwise Brit, Douty, otherwise Nix, otherwise Faxn, and commonly called the Antist, and others, Humaty Saewers, That your petitioners belong to aclass of persons of highly respectable ior, whose ter, from acquaintance, can be vouched for ® Maszsty’s police. “Phat the body of well-dressed and decently-conducted individuals whereof your tioners are members, are de nt for their sub- sistence on their manual dexterity applied in relieving Her Mazesty’s subjects at +e of proprietary encumbrances by a peculiar process of extraction, eonveyance or transference. That your petitioners thus levy on the subjects of Hen Mazesty a qpesinn of contributions somewhat of the nature of taxes, and differing raw a enly in the circumstance of being generally gathered without when any objection is made to the said contributions, levied, as aforesaid, by your said petitioners, an appeal lies to the nearest magis- trate, who usually disposes of your petitioners’ case by a yery summary process of justice,—if justice that award can be called which usually inflicts much laborious exertion, and other severe hardships on your tioners. there is another class of persons not gt all superior to your petitioners in respectability, and who cultivate a similar but, a less in- offensive branch of industry; such persons being conn in divers official capacities with Her Masesty’s Board of Customs. That the persons in question are wont and accusto to seize and take various and sundr is, chattels, and merchandize, in excess 0 their warrant as defined by statute: that is to say, after the manner of your petitioners: only that they, the said persons, very frequently make tite and seizures enormously larger Neo Ralf gatas ever he value of the said captures and seizures amounting In many i to thousands of pounds. } whereas a mistake made by your petitioners in the abstraction one Ray banakenokih boc toct ee S a ow sha gs, renders a m amen. Imm: ju ction of a police-officer, commonly entatlir on them unpleasant consequences, those other obs, should case they commit (as they continually do) a like error in the ma aca of s, valued at : are not capable of being at all, except a most expensive process, termi in an action in the Court of wer; insomuch that those said ot racti- toa extent, from the mere necsedity of date “onanivan rE ee ere consequences of ut pickpockets and the swell mob, will ever pric. THE UNCOMPROMISING PRIESTHOOD. “My very pear Sim, “Tue Arch Deceiver has been this week—to use a homely cau at it again.’ His organs, the newspapers, now state that he suit of Merarrre v, Wiseman has been compromised by the division of M. Cannk’s bequest of £7000 to the Roman Catholic chapel and school of Sr. Atoysius at Somers Town, in the ion of £4000 to the testator’s next of kin, and £3000 to the charity. You, my very dear Mr. Punch, do not require to be told that our uncompro- mising ony noves coneneeeny anything, nd “Te com- promise on the of her clergy. e fo a re of a lawsuit, which bya deluaten similar to that produced by the oh tro-biologists, he had contrived to foist into the endeavoured to make the public believe that old M. Canné Church, away from his relatives, because he was so on his deathbed by the menaces of a priest, compromise has been conjured up by the Donan in to exhibit the reverend defendants as trying to make the best of a very bad job. But the truth shall be told, and the Evil One put to shame. “The fact, then, is, that M. Cann& made will, thing his wealth to the pious uses above named when in robust and apes being at the time in the general habit of consu two pounds and a half of rump-steak daily, except on Fridays and other days of fasting and abstinence. This was satisfactorily proved in evidence on the trial, and a verdict was of course given for the holy men, who, so far from terrifying the dying philanthropist (not miser, as been slanderously termed) into leaving the bulk of bis "ee for ecclesias- tical purposes, actually persuaded him to devise a sum to his relatives, whom he would otherwise have cut off with a shilling. To falsify a law-report may seem beyond the power even of the Prince of Darkness; but what is that to the perversion of whole ehapters of history, by which, for example, he has palmed off on Protestants the acts and character of the sanguinary Brss as those of the good Queen Mo ty ? just as he might occasion the fictions of Muncnavusen to be ascribed to the same suthor as the plain unv: tales of Verax,” STARVED-OUT AMBASSADORS. GovERNMENTS guilty of extravagance have been subjeet to so much cutting up, that cutting down has become a ere branch administrative policy. Phere is, however, a good of tact to leave in-tact those expenses which are for the public pb. diminish ihose that exist to the public detriment. There can be no doubt that the reductions in our diplomatic establish- ments are very wholesome; and though we should not wish to see our diplomatic relations reduced to very poor relations, a good deal may yet be done—or, rather, undone—in this department of our outlay. Ambassador to Paris, Lory Normansy, who likes to do things ona liberal scale, has undergone a reduction of income which may, as hiated by Lorp Patmerston in the House of Commons, lead to some curtail- ment of the dinners that a certain class of the English in Paris expect to be invited to. ¢ We don’t see that the dignity of England is enhanced by the in- dulgence of a few travelling gourmands, and we are , therefore, that the country will be spared the expense, and the Ambassador the trouble, of entertaining them. We do not, however, wish to see the Marquis or Normansy, or any other Ambassador, cut down to an inconveniently low figure, which would prevent him from cutting any re at all; and we will take Lonp Patmenston’s word for it, that, since the Republic has thrown Paris so thoroughly out of luck, there has been more /uee than ever. Of course, when in France, the Ambassador must do as France does, and it must require a large amount of English gold to keep pace with the French Capital. Lenten Entertainment at the Mansion House. Ma. Puwcu begs to offer his Puseyite friends his condolence on the circumstance that the Lozp Maron eve the other gia dinner to the Society for the Propagation of the Gospel, w. BisHor OF Cantexsury, the Bisnor or LonpDoN, an , helped to eat. Punch wou'd console his genuflective y the suggestion that one of these days we may rejoice in a Ti le our petitioners therefore pray that the same protection . r —es ly 8 the civic chair be filled chandler—who, inetend of splendid banquets, will give ber Bi "fue phantom of «|

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a PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI- THE CRYSTAL PALACE-TO THE RESCUE. Me. PAXTON me of the Crystal Palace?” And Mr. Paxrow replies to the question in a manner at once de- pghttal and practicable. He says, t the gs Palace “Winter Park under Glass.” find jw im at own a e, characteristic way, he pro- ceeds to show what a Gard Eden for the sons and daughters or — Apa me “oa - ook green in Hyde Park; the while an English winter shall rage outside the Crystal panes, and with “ —___ the secret ministry of frost Shall hang them up in silent icicles, Quietly shining to the silent moon. With a few sentences our Crystal Magician fills the palace with every condition of natural and artistic beauty. Fountains leap up, and fall in diamond showers ; orange groves blossom; statues —a whole Walhalla of English worthies—gleam whitely from among the trees; the atmosphere is fraught with odours; and sti . WS 4 Wife 8 without biting almost the heart of ~— oak. i 0; itis igner; 2 monument, a thousand questionable memory of its architect. old English winter, in his most savage mood, may bluster, The Crystal Palace, then, is not to melt away like the silver mist of a summer morning. to stand, a brilliant and enduring monument of the genius of its des times TL peers Pg him than is the Great Pyramid to the The shall outshine the granite. For there can be no doubt that Mr. Paxron’s question, “ What is to become of the Orystal Palace?” wili be answered by a consenting, and, we may add, a grateful people, in the words of the querist himself: “let the Crystal Palace become a Winter Park under Glass.” Already, we can anticipate somewhat of the ceremony that shall inaugurate the opening of the Crystal Paradise: that shall give a fitting welcome and an enduring home to English Flora. There is Queen Victoria, with a wreath of roses around her brow, Prince ALBERT with the olive branch, the Royal Children with buds and blossoms, and all the officers of the Court and Household in appropriate costume, and bearing floral and sylvan emblems. And now, Paxton turns up the soil; aa presents to Her Masesty a sapling —slim as the | Chamberlain’s wand—and the QuEEn plants the young tree in commemoration of the day, and— j “From yon blue heavens above us bent, | ee old gardener and his wife | upon the act. For that tree shall stand for hundreds of iain the green monument of the happy, ; humanizing thought that caused the nations of the earth to come together in their works beneath a | crystal temple ; to engage in the contest of commerce and art; and thence to take away a solemn lesson continually teaching peace and good-will towards all men. " And Prince Atsert will also plant his own monumental olive—and every one of his children some tree henceforth to bear the name of the planter, to flourish for generations “a kindred grove.” This, Punch, with his old, prophetic eye, already sees: meanwhile, let the great Gardener Apam Paxton speak in the present :— “In the Winter Garden I propose, All the furnishing and fitting up would climate would be the Lepeg thing studied. have special reference to that end, so that the pleasures found in it would fe of a character which all who visit could share. Here would be —— the climate of Southern Italy, where multitudes might ride, walk, or recline, amidst groves of trees ; and they might leisurely examine the works of Nature and Art, regardless of the biting east winds or the snow. “Mr. Paxton never failed in anything he undertook,” is the testimony of the pinoy DEVONSHIRE ; and we already see the ing statues, we already snuff the fragrancy of the trees in Paxton’s pamphlet, even though at present they stand only in words, and are redolent of nothing more odorous than printer’s ink. Mr. Paxton , laying out his en in type: asks“ What is to be a en of object to a of the t Sre- THORP if Mr, Paxton will condescend ip either or hornbeam into an evergreen Secaml would be a touch of re a 0 magnanimity in the act, if Mr. Paxton would thus—and = thus—cut the But the expense of t P £ s. d. are the snakes Rhyl ep to trouble our outer Eden. Well, Mr. Paxton gives in his estimate of “ ANNUAL EXPENDITURE. “ Labour, Water, Im Sanne, isha e the above, constant Paint- — Renewal be re- “Making atotalof . . £12,000” It is calculated that, on the close of Exhibition, the Commissioners will eee eS er Sy Rag ray Sans ett SO Aaa] | NeTOMA rary, roe nan ron abe heanty of the nme, eden would, mile pon the uted winter. Ms, Tacroy i Oil Metropole, bute push Aner was anxious for the co of the ite nei urs e en, annoye *turmoi , so, vast an eeting 28 the Great ibition,” “ead therefore shows that no euch discomfort could " > On Sas SO June, My sla, Tt would, thevefore, be “a thing of beauty” and "a joy forever” without, tad within, “for| xs Mazzerr, through which. she wo erefore, a 0 uty” and “a joy for ever” without; within, “ for , the six winter months, a climate eqaal to Southern Italy!” Seanad SD the save, of the, Crystal Bat Ma. Paxson ia not yet: done with the Garden. He further proposes to stock it with animate ee ne ee “There might be introduced a collection of living birds from all temperate climates, and the science of , 80 closely St. Barnabas’ Flowers. connected wit the stndy of plants, might be Ulastrated on « large and natural scale, thus making Botany,| A LITTLE while ago the Bisnor or Ornithology, Geology, familiar to every visitor.” Lonpow objected to the fact, that in Who knows? We may yet see live humming-birds in London; see them building and sitting,| the church of St. Barnabas was “too as we now see ies? At present we are fain to be richly content with the feast| much flowers.” Let his Grace take of beauty daily set before us ye 8. Goutp’s ificent collection—jewels in feathers !—nevertheless, | another peep: we think he will now we cannot forego the aapes olding the live London humming-bird feeding upon the honey of the} discover one sort of flower in full flower blossoming in Hyde Park. blow; namely,—monkshood. VoL. XXI,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

THE GRAND HATCHING YEAR. { hatched this twelvemonth would require a Catalogue al- most as long as the one of the Exhibition to detail them Su we: describe the as we would a visit to Mr. Canteto’s Incubator, in Leicester . We are shown into a room Pyered with patterns of the Palace — that being the Great Im: : Oven whose magic heat every, = was to be hatched, e is, the year 1851 was looked upon, as a great with the Golden Eggs, was to lay a golden egg»for every one. It remaing: now to be proved—and that i,the object of our present visit— i, — how many of these golden.egge:), have brought forth anything ? In the. middle of the room are large chests of drawers, 8 away like the grating ey : 0 e those of any other chest, and are found to be full of large eich ates ue, and a sprinkling them green: sound, and others cracked—so in fact, as to let any one see ¥ nothing , ed eggs are. very pitiful to view, and suggest ridiculous ideas, that the geese who laid them must have been anything but = ons ! a «The heat of the place is intolerable. We are sure it is at fever-height, as if it had been lated by the expecta- tions of those who had expec- ted to realise large fortunes. We were standing opposite to one of the open drawers, and were ing our ~~ and our fingers—the latter most tenderly, lest we should get them burnt— ong the surface, when a gentleman, with a CaaRLES MatueEws tone of familiarity, came up, and volunteered the following explanati — ; lange egg, Sir, was sent to us by a Theatrical Manager. Y6u see it is marked at the top ‘Overflowing Audiences.’ It burst in less than one month after the. Exhibition had -—_ “The manager has never been to claim it. I have heard that he expected £200 on at least to come out of this egg. We took the test pains with the hatehing, and + puffing and puffing at the fire all day; but, somehow, nothing would make it draw. I am sure we put on all the steam we could. We fed it with the best French pieces, but they only went off in smoke, and did more harm than good to the poor egg. Sad thing, Sir,—but we were afraid the egg was a little add'ed This nest of ens, Sir,” continued our lively cicerone, “ was presented to us by a lodging-house keeper. You see they are of all sizes. ter represent the different floors in the lady’s. establishment. ‘The largest marked ‘£10 10s. a-weex, WITHOUT PLATE OR ATTENDANCE,’ represents drawing-room ; the two smallest, labelled respectively, ‘10s. ax 15s, 4-WEBK—BOOT-CLEANING EXTRA,’ are the front and back attics. Poor woman! We paid every attention to her eggs, but you see there is not a sound one amongst, them, except the back attic, which is occupied by an Irish M.P., and which can scarcely be called a nes , for he will neither pay nor quit, Floor after floor gave way ; foreigners were slow in coming, or else wouldn’t pay the sums that were ili, as h ~ 7 season advanced, the mye me fell in, en ae and the back attic is all that remains of the splendid mansion the lady had raised in her mind of this year’s « It’s a pity, Sir; but some. people are not content with hatching their eggs, but must attempt to foree them ; and the consequence is, they —* like , | cratic.” CHARIVARI. ‘was before the light, ‘‘ was )Wall of China. It was Chancery. The proprietor e I ready-made, out of it. He took a large room, and, relying upon the proneness the English have for rushing into any- thing like Law, expected that thousands would flock his Exhibition. But, curiously enough, the thousands per- sisted in stopping away. Probably they thought that if they once went—ench would be the natural representation of the Chancery pi i less than a lifetime i Sir, that a proj ioe P has ‘anorama to make workhouse suits There; was,.a whole a Panorama nearly as long as the to be pac arc of a suit in it would require nothi _ it. Tt’s: painful: to h hme looked ed ‘all tomothing’ in singe been cut up for the canvas " Ww , had turning it into a tombstone to be expected to. pick out of it. “The t thus brokemon the head, and lying together hep, has never been surpassed; sopher, “ singe the days of eee heer Mane 7 “We now-come to anotiier drawer,” he-continued, “as peculiar as. ony ofthe others, but a little more cheerful in its aspect. You see it is full of eggs, black and ill-shaped as they can be. They are too foul even to be thrown by a Gentleman on a Derby Day. They are ominous-looking crs and I am very piad they never came to anything. ose eggs they are, I cannot tell, but I should imagine they were serpents’ a of the most venomous reptiles—eggs, 1 hope, that never will be hatched in Eng- land. The names, written in red marks on the outside, er us, luckily, some clue to their origin. You observe some are labelled ‘Socialist,’ and others ‘ Demo- a This large monster of an egg, that looks as mis- chievous as a bombshell, bears for inscription, you remark, the word, ‘ Mountain,’ “These titles lead me to believe that they were intended, when hatched, to scatter over England a brood of the most isonous doctrines that ever laid waste a beantiful country. ou know the report that was widely circulated before the opening of the Exhibition, that all sorts of conspiracies were being hatched in this country. It was said we should have armies of Republicans. first fighting us, and, after we had been all killed, fighting amongst themselves. We were to have troops of Socialists carrying about with them the torch of discontent wherever they wandered. We were, to have bands of Red Democrats soaking she the country like wild beasts, deyouring every master that fell in their way, and distributing his well-earned his servants. The Crystal Palace was to : a thousand pieces, and its aisles to be desecrated with the horrors of Civil War, instead of being soli » a3, NOW,

with the blessings of Universal Peace. Im lien of being the cradle of international civilisation, it was to have been the tomb,—amidst the ruins of {which, it was prophesied Prince AuBert, like a modern 8, } be heard mourning in six different languages. Ali these vile thin it was said, were being hatched in this country; and, for what I know, those broken egg-shells before you, may have contained the germs of them. What I do know is. that nothing I could do would rear them; from which { a oe that there is something in the jatmosphere of England, let it be heated at times as much as it will, that is not favourable to the growth of such doctrines, and that there is no chance of their being propagated to an extent in a free country. “Therefore you see, gentlemen,” said our moralising guide, before showing us to the doer, “that fully as much Good as Evil has attended our hatching operations this year. If most of the theatrical, commereci and social eggs, that were laid in this prolific Asnus aiaatile, heme failed in -P- erly hatched, = = yielding that large-amount of gain that was expected reared from them, still we should remember that all the’con- spiracies, of which the Orystal Palace was to have been the arricade-ground this year, havealso as signally failed in the hatching—which will be a lesson, L hope, to its ‘never

80 many railway bubbles.” — He pursued his moral j round the room, cracking an egg at every step Pp journey with the sharp edge of a trath. “This one,” he said, holding an egg of all colours to count their chickens until they are hatched,’—at least, not in the English market.”

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/PUNCH,OR THE LONDON OHARIVARL iin te “ What ’s to be done? nobody, arora, FHE SAILOR AND: THE TAILOR; How to return the pirates fre? pi hare tow 4 res The thought was quickly acted OB, THE BATTLE OF THE THAMES. With gravel from the eravelwalls, ed pebbles te pedir ir. “ Now at ’em!” cried the tailor, as lightning, ‘flew sharp- A shower of stony pebbles midst the P The mate he danced his ho bold; pens ee crow of two, caboose salt ti, ‘took ‘in the ald; Chronicle the deeds of | Le brave te pheno gh gi about the ‘ i Meet | ‘ fighting men. fee tila peble~one are hae ‘the test— ‘iti nah Be Fierce battle’s the” aoe Btrvck him upon his doabl and id dropp'd apon his breast. all in t hy | Be ae ag © poet's! 4. flint will raise the yore spark, so rose the seaman’s ire ; We Ua EY How the Vnlor wis ‘the tos vee ine —_ ee his beat ers indinaio' fr, ’ p e pi ands, ani t crew, guailer before thesailor’s | 175 mate, caboose, loblall iboy, atid British seamen two, On the banks ‘of ‘old “ Return the rascal’s fire,” he Breque a bold attack ; dhe there “a 6 Upon the fellow’s chimneys into yonder stack.”” untry seat on ber the a= of pottery,. ome. -was the eo oe e tailor o’er his weath chimneys, A “tailor had selected it, But, not content the house-top. with bricks and tiles to stat, ee The bold Whitechapel seaman summon’ Raf one pote ape hea eee np= h ed asc 0 suddenly was calle m to cook a Upon the work of days | A landing they effected—at ther Retreat fr pat Tho mate and the inbaliboy made had oon to ah mate and the loblol ea Wilkin the oy ake The tailor setting up a whine, ran to the nearest bush ; In cutting oat the stits of green—the liv oo an. ” | But speedily they captured hi him ; Th took him from the land; Ki Ee . ah tee hee His trial by court-martial they st ph made him stand. ind Nature he adored ; for she, to bless his later life, The old Whitechapel ad stead ie Reths the, chain Took from him, in a generous mood, a Vixen of a wife. the fag of Brite to to insult, how sould the eulprit dare ?> — nateh’ gypsy Slight the | a the he , Inaudible his answer—for fear, in wildest f — ne Se Oe Had gumm’d the tailor’s mouth up, and blanch’d the tailor’s cheeks. He ie kort it ever afterwards, and with the rising sun They ound the tailor guilty; then what shall fine ? er’d in his vp my with jo 1a Wi proclaiming gun. A tarring and a feathering forthwith ie was a gallant sailor, an old Whitechapel ag He red aloud for merey—he knew 01 nl me con bose ioe Seeceene hat .s cppositiok’ s war; He could not plume him a one boast . e’d seen the fares g—and he ono} he railway, wilh iroe role, Sdod it o'ce the toa Then asa the es 7, thea to iful to nas =, over i mate put on-h He call’d on deck . ‘| orem ge-peel meh fasion of of juvenile but we are indige Se eonilis bee a , ‘Puin@h’s Prophecies for the 9th of July. They weigh’d out six hi a precision Hee’; penmgent fee tt London. But the fire will take « harmless They ramm’d it down with walking-sticks, and at the well-known word atid“wternctive form, showin itself over fronts .of a Proceeding from the gallant craft a loud report was heard. in jets of light, thus“ U. with The tailor and his company were véized-with fear antl ire ; ‘ Siit paitit oillapgeanst!emeple “ Pirates assail us,”’ roar'd 4 the host ; “let us return the fire, hn Msooe ip a ew ” aed Gar itscmann, to the LOCO am yand nd some grape hae "ew nt be shown andra mienenp Gul CHARD, to the ouse some zape. Bat if they were, we might sat bask none veal swan’ coachman. Thus said the frighten’d tailor; his guests were just’as If the hot weather cotitinue, Wimrrmeton’s Cat will take her cream With anger, flurry, and alarm, ‘the host was almost mad in an ice.

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16 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE LAST DAYS OF SMITHFIELD. Su eB agra lig Syl peti eee se ing oO mo! Of ring-droves in oguuy stentio tho wn. No longer the squeaking, the squeaking, the Of pigs, with lambs’ bleating, will tunefally blend ; Nor females with shrieking” with shrieking, with shrieking, ‘ de ty 5 See fe mad ox, our ear-drums will rend, Thedrovers, bysweari swearing, ing, Nolonger vill beightentheohocp dog's herve bark, Whilethetorchesare flaring, are flaring, are ‘ On each market morning, so early, by dark. Those crnel brutes’ oak sticks, their oak sticks, their oak sticks, No more on the horns of the oxen will ring; Shag, Sense oeege to pee Geeky, Pe paar, e sticks, Armed with goa, in the flank the poor creatures sting. The Market’s Committee, Committee, Committee, Let - ho will not e the Lords throw out e bill; So, preserving the City, the City, the City _ In its old vested rights, and its nastiness still. TRIFLES (NOT S80) LIGHT AS AIR.~ We understand that the Commissioners of Police are about to issue orders for the tion of the now nongrenteetty crowded traffic of the — So me the intrepid voyagers were likely to confine collisions to each other, it was not ~——— for the authorities to interfere, as evil was likely to correct itself to a certain extent, and so mitigate the mischief. There was not so much objection to the inconvenience falling upon the heads of the aeronauts, but now that the aeronauts seem likely to fall on to the heads of the public, some- thing should be done to put a stop to the nuisance. We believe it is in contemplation to give directions, that no balloon be allowed to set down, or tumble down, within a mile of the Crystal Palace. Had that volatile daughter of air, Mrs. GrawaM, let out her grappling-irons, the other day, upon the Exhibition, they would have proved the most serious ies it has yet had to grapple with. An Error Corrected. At the War Medal dinner, Lonp Saxrovn, the Chairman, said— “When he alluded to woman—he begged pardon, he meant ladies.” Ergo, a \ady is not a woman, im Le Si eh rae

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ay +} 4 ee igs V) AA de i =a ce ~ x —z = OF SMIFFEL. THE LORD MAYOR—IUS MOURNING OVER THE RUINS An Affecting Application of an Ancient and Classical Incident.

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Page 23

PUNCH; OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 19 ——— “ CONVERSATION AT THE EXHIBITION, Between an anwious Mother and a Policeman. Fountain dis ii3 9 ” ce this h Whaison ms tk oe “ She may of she wat Deve ry t0 vee the Ro Or insist bar Gene Over such a And to find each strayi Or if warm, a Chiny fan, OGeeidiien Shp Darter mea, Will refresh her as she goes Where, the Crystal Fountain flows ! ses the silver things, ean ys be vos chains, and Wi th pean ao she play ; ere the Monster Ho Or the music, of all sorta Great and small pyanny-forts, here the, Crystal ve gone in hope coma she? she’s i Tings ; may stray * Well, Policeman, certainly You ’re the man to have am eye as this, g Miss! Pray, my daughter tell Wien ete boa thom ring the bell, — find her, if she goes he Crystal Fountain flows! ” The Softer Sex in Smalls. Tue revolution in female attire which has co fr extend to this coun butes of the husband are ted. It me +3 that ladies me blah it is continually e hand in the breech poet Rev. Canon in Liv ~~ P; ry aa Meamerism for the Me for Iw order that he hibition si in without the should recoi magnetised with the Sas Pee AE ela consist in merely seeing magnetiser. Toe Great American Hit.— Youth may sometimes afford a lesson to meee. y the revolvers of a Cott. in America Well—no natant the attri- ’ party since Ee ’ In betog cheated as to ; cheat,” e individual liable income, he te ids and abets Government in to the fraud as aman must commit either he not better psoas of the | be is attended with a saving? ost true it is that if Tos placa is , Government, in ex- acting Income-tax under Schedule D., acd persons liable to the tax under that schedule in returning their in- comes—with ave- accuracy—to Government, must equally delight themselves and | 9 culpable Too Good by Half. he had been over it, he asked to see the other _ exclaimed the c “ Don’t tell me, Sir)” ee Globe? It’s w Companion ! Leicester: Square. When . “The other Globe!” Tt is the only one, Sir.” Us ara spi pa of lees San me te id ian dance man” would be jus Trine are of a se We cannot: wu he te os herself to a shilling ignoranee of Chinese manners nately to fathom, how a “Lady of: fashion im which she a foreign ca = English Lady tae oF is no doubt an Celestial Empire as the C doubt if it could boast of so io | from Belgravia,” occupying t Any EuizapetH Bioomsseey, of Beauty, with the largest foot in cane will eat a hot luncheon A CHINESE PUZZLE. pack asa ac z St tie us edo her —nor do. we the smallness of her foot. Her as Ohiness sin, + It is supreme, to shi stared at “from 10 t and fashionable li ia anal be very, = to enchdgr 7 for we cannot conceive Canton, A ve her foot, at so napa on jes Poa ed sand per sn aig GosEMoucHEs lish Collection would be as attractive ia the pomlig ee abn by at . Lady of t ston ¥ 4 ry bills. “The id—will be pea a a 0 crclock.” Sue a advettisaments oon! ve surprised us more than Rae one ae o tear dt goer ou Oy poe . Naraay at a cherville >| Canton, and exhibit ere as a meek Noblemen is celebrated “hornpipe Caparo yey aa ue s fortune, in, suet a comm: made ; and who oom his rep .* rns fo to \ life as in re know af in h life pyserhe cle es seat - it re China would rapid of “ hina, woul rp Ie. a bape of Fx-F1-0-Yu-Nav-T1- amongst the tea- Serve him Right—and Left! Ax advertisement. appeared on Wednesday last. in the. Times, ad. understand on whose pwns Pigott ergs “To oom mer ne TO SERVE ANOTHER.” We: — very numerous, were all from Sheriffs’ - serve another, and another, if necessary,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL *THE ATTENTIVE HUSBAND IN HOT WEATHER. AUCTION OF SOULS.—PULPIT AND HAMMER. In the imperial salt-mines of SéwAr, in U EK one thing,” writes a traveller, “very remarkable: nam which may easily contain a hundred people cut in the rock-salt an altar, pulpit, sacristy, chairs and forms, cut in the same rock. Now a shereh of salt—of salt in its typ pees the Church of England; and yet the auctioneer will now and then usurp the of the parson; and sometimes the pulpit will resound with the hammer of the rostrum. The custom is to be deplored; for may it not, in light and superficial i deprive the salt of somewhat of ita ox savour? When souls are made a matter of auction, the charge of the aforesaid immortal essences loses a trifle of its divinity, The shepherd who buys his sheep with the act of purchase may think 8 an undoubted right to sell them. , ‘there is , & chapel ; with A few days ago certain Christian flocks were submitted to the| \4=> hammer at the auction-mart, and knocked down to the best Christian pastors; namely, to those happy shepherds who could best afford to offer the highest price for the chattels. Not being present at the ceremony, Punch does not pledge himself to the most rigid verbal sovnray in the report of the transaction ; but no doubt the auctioneer did his best in the disposal of the goods, after the approved method of auctioneers in general. , “Gentlemen,” says the man with the hammer, “the next article I have the honour to submit to your emulation is the advo with patronage, &c., of the sectery 8 Trettire and Michael Church, Here- ‘fordshire, net annual value £250, — incumbent seventy-four yeas of age. What shall we say for the rectory of Trettire and Michael? Herefordshire, splendid county ; mageitcent hills, that lift the thoughts of Churchmen to the devotional altitude; beautiful thymy pasturage for sheep. Malvern mutton, for instance, un leled. ow, an offer, if you please, gentlemen, for Trettire and Michael, net value £250, gentlemen. F =e ager apes & — is pth deat years of age—seventy-four, gentlemen; so be quick with your ~~ First Bidder. Ove thousand pounds. ‘ Auctioneer, A thousand ds! What, and present incumbent with one leg in the grave? Think of the country, gentlemen—the feet of the everlasting hills of Herefordshire, and mend your bidding. Second Bidder. One thousand two hundred. Auctioneer, And present incumbent seventy-four? Pray, gentlemen, do not forget ; one leg in the grave, gentlemen ; at one leg. Third Bidder. Fifteen hi F Auctioneer. e, we're getting on: but fifteen hundred; only fifteen hundred, for Trettire and Michael ; going like a drug, gentlemen —like a drug. I should be sorry to find nc devotion in the company than—thank you, Sir,—sixteen hi ; no warmer enthu- siasm for the Established Ch and that at the present time, when rampant popery threatens—one t d seven hundred, thank you— our altars and our homes—seventeen hundred and fifty, thank you ;— and present incumbent—seventy-four—seventy-f ocwed oe to the course of all sublunary things, with one leg in the grave, gentlemen —a human and commercial fact cannot too well consider, gentle- men. a. advance on seventeen hundred and fifty, and one leg in the grave Fourth Bidder, Lighteen hundred. Auctioneer, Thank you; hut consider, gentlemen, the span of life ; Pintl Bidder. Bieteen hundred and fi ifth Bidder, Kighteen hun and fifty. he Bidder, Nees Auctioneer. Thank you: eighteen hundred and ninety for Trettire and Michael; salubrious county—seventy-four—one leg im grave—and the best pasturage. No advance on eighteen hundred and ape four t No advance ?—going—going—one leg, gentlemen; I must call your attention to one leg in grave. No advance? Goin ing—(Hammer fatis,) Advowson, with rectory of Trettire and Michael, yours, Sir— and dog-cheap—sold for a song ; Sir, a very song. A short. pause. Auctioneer. The next lot I shall have the honour to offer to the competition of the company is the advowson, , &c., to the rectory of Lianwarne, also in the sublime salubrious county of Herefordshire, net annual income £359, and the present incumbent— I must be allowed to dwell on this qrersing circumstance—present incumbent the over-ripe and patriarchal age of eighty-four; fourscore four; so, gentlemen, confident in your enterprise and specu- ation, I do—I must—expect a handsome offer. Shall we say a couple of Seeeeted pints to begin with? Reflect—fourscore years and four! First Bi Auctioneer. Thank you, § . Fifteen hundred. ir, for a beginning. Fifteen hundred and eighty-four—that is fifteen hundred, or advowson of Llanwarne, a favoured spot where the tares of dissent have never shown themselves among the corn of—thank you, fifteen hundred and fifty. No advance upon fifteen hundred and fifty; and present incumbent white-haired patriarch—eighty-four ? Various Bidders. Sixteen hundred. And fifty. Sixteen, seventy, (Long pause. Hammer descends.) Auctioneer, Advowson and rectory of Llanwarne, yours, Sir. A cheap penn’orth in such a county; with such a flock; such sheep past ; and incumbent every day of four-score years and four— Another pause. Auctioneer, The next lot, gentlemen— But here Punch must break off: assuring the reader that the auctioneer, ere he quitted his rostrum, di of in all seven sacred lots to the glory and lasting profit of the established church of salt, and—let us hope—to the enduring advantage both of sellers and buyers, THE CHEMISTRY OF SLUSH. work upon the great Water Ques- tion, and have just now made their formal rt thereon, which con- i i refutation of the popular belief that the donkey is ly nice as regards his drink. t may occur to some of our read- ers that this document might have been published under the title of “ Pumps upon Water.” The es is pronounced by these sages to be uite weak of the nitrogen whereof, if nitrogen can, in any of its combi- nations, affect the that stream is obviously strong. They say that it contains “animalcule” only when they are in season; whence, _ the conclusion would be that it is little worse for “ infusoria” than it is for whitebait. Admitting it to be, as “the main drain of a large and populous city,” full of corruption, they assert that it possesses within i the power of self-purification : but they forget to notice the remarkable allegorical f the Thames is exactly lel to the British Senate. Cheap tailors are bad enough, but the Water Companies are the worst of slop-sellers. The Harmonious Blacksmith. ICHARD COBDEN desires to assure the World in general, and England in particular, that, as “The Harmonious Blacksmith,” he is prepared to bend Swords into Sickles—to turn Bay into ee Helmets into ae —to adapt Mortars to Flower-pots—and in other way to transform dhinn et Bamied Mannaee to the uses of Looe and Baena. 4 *,* An —* Wanted, Any young man of the name of PatmensTox particularly eligible.

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PUNCH. OR: THE LONDON CHARIVART = A SECOND JOURNEY ROUND THE WORLD. E have read somewhere the profoundremark ofa ‘that there was no place where so much was to be | 22 seen as in the World.” This profound remark has NY induced us to take a Second Journey round the World in Leicester Square,—and the following are the valuable |. discoveries we have made. There are but nine fixed inhabitants in the World. These consist of one Check- pe oar Guides, with ; one Page, neat ond two rand oF battens nt any one setting Ra cot on fire ; oe the World 4s is stirring, put their scrubbing- orld in quicker time than 4rie/ could put her} bates round it. The spoken ohvthe inhabitants is a singular mixture of theca oe Irish—the latter predominating very largely in, uths. of: Tt is false. to. sagthat the the Globe moves. We hope we shall not be ipprisones for = new truth, as GaLiLeo was for his. We maintain the Earth does not re Gated it is lucky it does not—er else the ied underneath in the centre estrian Statue, w of would come tumbliny out of the top, and be smashing all one the falc, — of the ce we by so = at we never tried a single anperinnes Phe only rotation we witnessed was performed a could not find the entrance of Earth, ee Leicester Square at least ozen, ol find i of Mz, Wrip's Barth differ from. our. night: inasmuch as the morning commences when the. gas is ight begins as, soon as the gas is turned off, which is the reverse with the world we live in. t night a heavy dew falls upon the Earth from the watering-pet, h which the Night- 1d Boe from floor to floor to sprinkle the. quarters of the for, as there are four staircases inside ual distances, we pene they are put up to represent the four of the, Globe. lien ai . orning, or day, on the turned on his bullseye 10 With the exception of those > brief! | reigns upon the Marth from eae rally from 10 until dusk,” The is gpoersllr » vot eae lng not a person comes to Ra ut mare sent qui He on of the varies: 9 great o Sometimes it: is Sip eal sometimes less. however, is taken every evening The Treasurer, who who fetches th ‘uot.’ "Ae hiliogs as are found in the box, x0 — ike oon been in ao he World The a gy for = Sking the Gradhey resembles the toll-gate at has one drawback, for it marks just the same for ie rod Paes fae ive Koncks » Hamen being off the Nad, Sailings vers tke, the Retr fhe of the World, for that day, which tthe Wes eth ay won ; for as the big staircase hrough it for a minute. The cltited fhe ca eas re peor by a person g by his Leesa fo reach the summit af the Exniuition Bathe dears Tatitude vary © great ¢ ent is oo that + Me va aie - i t lila ie 4 Sunday paper. person, ly if he be a medical will take, so much more a Chita than another. he Sun th h by at least 150 Det bith we ns the —_ of the building. ” his will account for its nang so much hotter at the North Pole than ‘it is at the vement, in Leicester Square. ‘There is no fear, Farth os = contact eng = Sun, any it has the vantage, we oTaly meet ene ming Ht doe that name. | my ty | wen shah teen, if you are at the ye Pole. an we are walking over your head at the N you are our An t then, we are not subject to the same laws as the Antipodes o this Globe. For instance, if it is summer with tor, or on however, of eae soon than tne re of beng of pogeiision tuna iy by Raw take t shillings suff u8, if is not winter with you. If we are strolling about in the broad lare of noonday, rg are not tenting over each he | in the pitchy | kness of midnight. We bask in the same joy the same | stifling heat; neither do we walk, as we should g on this | Globe, with our feet directly opposite to pa ae feet ehick might be | “ inconvenient for you, unless you had ty, peculiar to flies certain dwarfs, of t walking @ along the cling ht tumblin of Mr. Wyrp has shown a — great impartiality. think, in extendi in his tre the omnes ected fading es —which is % superiority over many itionsy where, yourse e very | antipodes of intelligence, you hardly know whether you are standing on your head or your heels. Mr. Wyr1p’s Globe has another immeasurable superiority, and that | is, a person can remaimin it a whole.day, and it will only cost him One Shilling. When shall we be able to live in this World for» Shilling | a day SHOOTING FOR THE POPE. (See the Romen newsin.the Times of June 18.) Ly Rome, some daya sg0, was d deed Place “ * B “ese trot ie men i blest , To the ka-, who ekg mM? a tine k These mw octane hikes The leaders of the land, m. be is we ame present hope, 0 pene eer a eae the Porz, His Viceroy of this world whose realm is not, - in judgment by the right ’s identical with: wight condemned each re’ To heshot! - + is beatae a 8 grave tolie Who would wish a death: cath more: blk Than “pro and oan b be ‘Phat the mufled so drean Sure, the Frenchmen played * Mourir ba: Patrie?” by Sr a een the: p J He Cir Where the victimes % were to All silently the crowd From the scene of blood. di en ee mm * Dit thay pachir-ebsetieipenloiie: wo hegee ink that sanguinary dreneh, Besinge on the Preach , Blessings on the Fi etme .

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE MODERN TANTALUS. oz a capital maiden bran-new M.P. for the town that cherishes Netson’s old \ Am eed PEACE!—-A SKETCH FROM THE CRYSTAL PALACE. of Nutson’s daughter ? the dis should be inflicted by an artist from Truerirr’s, and HOUSE OF CORRECTION FOR GENTLEFOLKS. should Be physically limited to the o ti op tions of the ha rd r. 5 couvi Sce-court : e prison-uniform of ‘the emen is to consist of a suit of plain By a. een onmeee at Sf hers pose Sent black, with white neckcloth. That of the ladies—for ladies, occasion- individual’s teeth out ; nay, sometimes when he has even caned a con- | #lly, commit themselves, so as to deserve committal—should also be a ! stable,—the rule, with few exceptions, is, that he is sentenced to the | Simple morning dress, without ornament. The former shall be employed | option of or imprisonment. If he is a gentleman—that is, a | 2 compiling statistical tables for the use of Government; the hard member of the Gentility—of course the fine is “ immediately paid,” and | our of the latter shall be crochet-work. bss | off he walks or drives. But in case he is one of the umility or| The diet shall be strictly confined to plain axyoagpusy seve Ny oc | Mobility, not able to make the disbursement, he is forced to submit to | 24 Bic Hepes ap Some ep stimulating than tea or lemonade being the more unpleasant alternative, and is removed in the van. The Genteel Prison shall afford no indul what ey 7 This is, practically, a very uneven-handed sort of justice. Durance , | is Semmes: band Wabear to hawk tohone:: A. fine, to those'who do not | US nature ; but the cells shall be decently Coane and each furnished feel it, is less than a flea-bite. To mulct a rich man of five is | With an arm-chair, a sofa, and such other acco as fashionable | like Reesine a fellow in armour, The needy offender, who —_S habits render absolute necessaries of lif of life. : : F : ‘,| The silent system will be so far enforced, that no conversation between forfeit and incarceration, is sure to suffer something. This respecting 4 balls, the O or any other amt t, will be of Rhadamanthine ri ion is obvious ake a magistrate onzs and - reg a — allow aA: bet wil any polit discussion be rm ong. r : a = —- ”| gentlemen; and any attempt at the . regulations adjndgee peace breaking Gentility to the House of Correction. justice | Will be visited by the seclusion of the offender in his own nt. of justices is sometimes over-just. Total ruin of hopes and prospects ‘Thus the chastisement received in the Genteel House re : sah 3 -.¥9. | Will be rendered exactl ivalent to that endured in the Common may result to the patrician, from a punishment whieh, in tho plobelan’s | F- Il" aad will mo longer involve thet lose of cate by, which ianpel- Se ae M, simply, in eo many days’ or weeks’ confinement sonment, when awarded to peerage 6 is now aggravated. r The question, then, is, how to visit upon misdoers of the Gentility | ‘tes will give those delinquents whom they think a | the exact amount of ing, inconvenience, or annoyance, due to their | Vetience, a genteel week or ten days instead; which demerits? For instance, how to treat persons of that class, for pelting tend greatly to the discouragement of mtr | people with broken precisely as any nasty fellows ought to be able outrages. Mr. Punch offers his suggestion F treated, and no worse events have incited Mr. Punch to the | #3 the solution of a problem of which he will venture to say “ Quop consideration of this difficulty, which he has settled, to his own satisfac. | ©" randwm. tion, by, plan which he has devised of a Gente! Prison. ee i Prison, as conceived an r. Punch, 1s erected , Fe yy oa osth-sig-tis enchants | ol ess, are in o ; une t i i at 1— | Genteel Prison supplied with warm Paths, out of consideration rt the a ais line te ne the eee ee bekcen : illustrated _ more acute sensitiveness of skin, possessed, generally, by a class accus- | by the following items :— tomed to luxury. Each prisoner, however, on entering the establish- Cen. cicnmillihia di lin dealt wes ts of ide the. and these wenn 288 ent | Immersion, In the aame apick of soveriey, fairly proportionste tke [fale em Portand sherry inabundanee” | chevelure of every new-comer should be submitted to thescissors. But) Out of compliment to the Pope, the beef was, no doubt, bull-beef. Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 13, Upper Woburn Place, in the Parish of St. Pancras, and Frederick Mullett Evans, of No.7, Chureh Rew, Stoke Newington, both in the County of Printers, at their Office, in Lombard Street, in tne eof Whitefriare, in the City of London. and Published by them at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride's. m the City of Londoa.—Saronoat, unr Stn, 1861.

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én PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 23 Emotion or oun Frienp Sistuorr on Reapinc in a Pusiic Paint tae ProposaL THat THE Crystat Panace sHovtp remain 1N Hyper Park. THE EGGS-EMPLARY HUSSARS AND LANCERS. the present time, withstanding a tremendous siege. They are sum- moned by Justice to surrender ; but they hold themselves impregnable in their contempt of equity. It is enough for them—gallant fellows !— that one Henry Frazer Dimspa zg, a youth, should take his trial for theiz common act of gallantry, when, on the Oaks Day, on their return from Epsom, they added another achievement to the brilliant onslaughts s. bp British army, by pelting men, women, and children with etid eggs, Young Mr. Dimspate—“ from a feeling of honour”—says his counsel— “ Refused to give up the names of several officers belonging to the 15th Hussars and the 16th Lancers, who were vastly his seniors, and who were the principals in the cowardly and affair.” This is, doubtless, very chivalrous on the part of Mr. Drmspatz; but we must also pay a due tribute to the determination of those gallant men, who, in defiance of every summons of generosity, continue to hold themselves in a condition of siege; refusing to capitulate, “No surrender” is the heroic motto that at the yore hour surrounds, as with a halo, the men who officer the 15th Hussars and 16th Lancers. even as in a warlike siege, in a real battle, where whole regiments bear the shock of an attack, or make a terrible onslaught, even as then the acquired glory is associated with the whole body,—so, at the present hour, is every individual officer of the 15th and 16th an object of — interest, as a. the renown of the exes of the glorious Ss. ge rfumes a whole corps, so does the odour of those pel cope sree _every such officer in the nostril of Public Opinion. But , what is Public Opinion in the serene and lofty thoughts that elevate a military ment What a poor, paltry, squint- aged, pooees, bandy “snob” is Public Opinion, despised and laughed y e withering scorn of Lancers and Hussars ! erefore, let young Mrz. Dimspate comfort himself as he may in the Queen’s Bench Prison, the while his companions in eggs, leave him | —says his counsel— PG a beeen ep brunt me Ee te of ho eats oy while ——— They joined—these fine fellows—in firing the eggs—but since then | have permitted Mz. Dimspate to pay his own and their shot. It is | one g to find foul eggs for the persons of women and children, antes to supply money—the sinews of law as of war—to barristers attorneys. Mr. Peat, the army-saddler in Bond Street, may in like manner | contemplate the rosity and heroism of the picked officers of the 15th ; and 16th. Mr. Peat—guilel trustful man!—on the day of the ess, | Oaks, when the offi with all their shell practi in th | tells af the vulgar ond ole; pospered inl resking ‘With were y CzRTAIN gallant officers of the 15th Hussars and 16th Lancers are, at Fun the shot of the assailants—Mn. Prat stood between the mob and the officers. He— eteah on the following ter? and they all Geuated, they come tyre Mn Desens wae emong them. They did not appear.” Doubtless, they were too modest: they waived the solemnity of a public triumph. ‘The victors’ car (the probable police van) they would not mount. Jonn CoLuins gave it in evidence,— “ That on the evening of the Oaks day he was returning from Epsom, with his wife and children, and on reaching Lower Tooting, he was pelted with eggs by the gentle- ' men on a four-horse coach.” i | CoLLmNs was, moreover, unmercifully whi by these heroes in ithe shell; whereupon, to appease the Prat gave his word ‘for the appearance of the officers, in the confidence of their pledge. Mr. Pear is forthcoming: the gallant 15th and 16th still hold themselves ae in their barracks. It should be for them that | youthful Dimspate has been consigned to the walls of the Queen’s mch. Dr«spaLz only breaks his egg to be put into a cage; but the jenqats of the 15th and 16th crack their shells to soar above the world !and the world’s opinion. | May we suggest to the Horse Guards, that, in default of the surren- he heroes, the respective flags of the 15th and 16th should hence- ri ay 5 ae 2 Se egg, with the word and figures— |AKS, ‘s And as regiments, in their pacific march, have been headed, some ;an ostrich, some = elephant, some by a Lay fn the gallant 4 Lancers! and 15th Hussars should, in memory of Epsom, have hence- forth driven before them a certain number of cocks and hens, PAXTON’S ATMOSPHERIC HOSPITAL. a “HERE conan sue omntiiete fed the e Grove.” This, says |ASIL is the frequent gree en Greqnent erecting ei : the ar ow, Englis w chal; the Orange Grove being the church-yard of the island. Mr. Paxton—if his plan of, what we venture to call, an Atmospheric poogte of Madeira—an Hospital, be adopted—will pein the jocose ; island, no doubt, famous for as for fennel—of the time-honoured jest. For Mr. Paxton proposes to have Madeira in London; not to import its sunlight in air-tight tin canisters—but to have a Madeira of metropolitan manufacture. At the late meeting in the matter of the projected Consumptive Hospital in the East of London; Mr. Paxton exhibited Ais design of a Sanitarium, which secures to the patients the same atmosphere both in winter and summer. Mr. Paxton shows. how London, in its worst winter, may have its fogs filtered and warmed; how London smoke may be purified into an atmosphere that shall feed and sustain the rarest plants known to give out the greatest quantity of oxygen; such atmo- sphere being continually supp and purity to replace that consumed by the lungs of the patient. This Atmospheric Hospital will be constructed of lass ; and, at a very small additional cost, make—in fact—a Madeira in Shoreditch or Whitechapel. Who, then, need land at Funchal, with the Orange Grove in the distance ? ho, delaying the time of departure from home and friends, until the separation be almost inevitably final—who will take ship, when he may take a cab for a delicious climate? It may no longer be said, “ Poor fellow, he went to die in Madeira; he is laid in the Orange Grove,” but, “He gave the fogs the slip, and h feeding his lungs in the thick of London, he found health and s jn Paxton’s Atmospheric Hospital.” THE GREAT NEEDLE CASE. Tuere was a short discussion the other night in the House of Commons, on what may be called the Great Crzopatra’s Needle-case. It seems that Meumet Axi has given to the British nation the cele- brated Needle of Cizorarra; tut the Government, looking at the Needle with an eye to economy, and coming directly to the point, have decided that it would not pay to bring the affair home; and, indeed when we hear that it would cost several thousand 8, we do not wonder at the reluctance of the CHANCELLOR OF THE ExcHEQUER to incur the responsibility. We inly cannot advocate such an enormous outlay for the transfer of the N to England, and we should suffer severely from the be a of conscience, if we were eat pert to 4 it into the public to the frightful extent that would be required. We are rather surprised that the veteran economist, Mr. Hume, who is generally as sharp as a needle in all matters where the outlay of the national money is concerned, should have in this ete Sis ae come: a ee ; to r our pinning ourselves eedle at an expense for carriage quite fearful to contemplate. insolent people, VOL, XXtI. D

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. PUNCH UPON PORTRAITS. urine the present Season London Hi YJ == is determined to be cosmo- ? Hy y iS ¥ Wy 3 Vive Base al \ aes of all Nations is collec under Paxton’s eighteen acres of glass roof in Hyde Park; the cookery of all Nations scents the air 'Y) of Kensington ; the mounte- ) bankism of Rane is 4&2 jumping over ers, flying thro hoops, kicking its infant family through the air, or tying cowed nt upon carpets, e Hippo- yo and Astley’s, at Vaux- hall and Cremorne’ Gardens ; the Costumes of all Nations A enliven our ‘streets; the yy Penn -wliners of all Nations Ba! a our newspaper read- to speak the | ‘of all Nations ay count ope in ate sony tment me cae of all ations alight, like locusts, upon —— no eat every green-thing, but to be eaten as green-things themselves); and last, not least, the modern pictures of all Nations meet pleasantly, and for the first time, in Lichfield House, St. James’s Square, while the lorious old masters of all Nations have their annual gathering in the ritish Institution. ; , That good will come of this multifarious rubbing of shoulders, we do devoutly believe. In industry, in cookery, in hats, in coats, in pictures, and in sculpture, in horse-ri and penny-a-lining, in street-ord and hotel-dealings, there is not one of us, nations of the nineteent! century, but has a good deal to learn of some one or other of bis hbours. ' j ay to pictures, now. ‘The elder art of all nations, happily, we have original phaelites litan in all thi The ‘ " ers; unde always among us. Poor as we are in the ol inal Pre-Ra Rapuazt himself, and Leonarpo, and Gran Beuiii, Trrmay, and Francia, Luni, Giorerone, and the Caraccis, Connecero and Det Promso, CLaupe, and the Poussins, Remprawpt, and Rusens, and Vawnprke, the whole tribe of Siguesediyyie Netherlanders, and tulip- loving, salt-water Dutchmen, have long their homes in our private galleries, more or less accessible to such fraction of the public as could achieve, by any means, the honour of a private introduction, at first, | second, or third hand, to the gentleman-gaoler in charge. Every year, a draft of these illustrious captives is'assembled in the rooms of the British Institution, and allowed to receive the visits of such friends and admirers as can apply the silver key that opens all doors. This year is, as it deserved to be, especially favoured. _ Let me beg of you, my dear young friend and rising portrait-painter, to walk in with me, for a few minutes’ chat with the old worthies. Don’t blush, pray, nor be so long cleaning your boots. We can under- stand your little awkwardness. Yes ; it was a collection of villanous daubs that your brother brushes lately sent in here; and you may reasonably expect a wigging from those who now ~ me | same quarters more worthily. But mastery is ever indulgent. me in, my young friend, without apprehension. And first, my dear young portrait-painter, let me introduce you to Houser, here. This is CarnprvaL Fisner. Tuke a good gaze. The Carpinat will return you stare for stare; but the fixed sneer is not meant for you. ‘There—what do you say to this masterpiece of hard- hitting, straightforward, determined mastery in portraiture? Is there any mistake about the man there? Is there any thought possible, while looking at that picture, of anything but the man on the panel before you, strong of purpose, ruthless of will, scornful of scruples, with a old on i.is inferior clergy as firm as that gripe of the Cardinal’s cap in his hand? One doesn’t think of the dress, somehow,—one doesn’t see it, even; and there is no inkstand, no table, no chair, no pillar, no eurtain,—in short, not one of the indiopennaiile requisites. that go to upon canvass now-a-days. make up a we And now shall we pass from grim and gaunt. Horsei, to Rem- BRANDT,—that master of the Black: Art—magician. w. were light and shadow? I think, ae Some youn ‘rien that. in the dozen heads by this master, to which I shall have the pleasure of presenting you, there is rather a remarkable absence of manner. It is curious, one can always recognise the broad handling of our own Danster, R.A. One never misses the same spot of light on the-tip of every nose,—the same snuffy smear on every upper lip,—the same Indian red-brown shadows on one side of every face,—the same dashing landscape of every back- ground. Whoever encounters a canvass‘from the hand of that elegant and gentlemanly creature, Fiixsy, A.R.A., that he doesn’t say, at. the first glance, “Ah, that’s Frmesy!”—seeing in every frame Firmsy | always, and his original never, except as quite an accessory. In fact, | one might almost fancy that our Fimmsys and Dasstens turned their | ictures out by a patent process, as Mr. Barry multiplies decorations or the New Houses of Parliament, growing a remarkably rich crop of ornament at a curiously small expensesof fancy-seed. And now, with the performances of Dasster, Firmsy, & Co., in yon mind’s eye, look at these Rempranpts. Take that old man’s ead (contributed by Lonp Cozorwe), unwashed, the wear and tear of rough life visible in every broad, coarse, commonplace feature of the face, till, as you look at it, it grows into a living reality,—not by force of anything remarkable in the. maniwho sat for it, but by dint of the resolute mental insight*with which the painter conceived the personage before him, and the daring mastery with which he dashed, and plastered, and splashed the coloursof that rugged.and.unlovely flesh upon the canvass. Here is a pair from the same handjthe portrait of Burco- knots | MAsTER Srx, and his dainty wife, the friends‘and patrons of the painter, as commonplace a couple of citizens asever looked on at a frolic on the ice, or received their friends to pipes, tea, and gingerbread in a lust-haus overhanging a canal. But:look:how:the painter has informed the phy- siognomy of that samdy+haired, saeyemerches, sandy-eyebrowed burgher, in his plain black dowblet and white band, by the play of light upon face and hair! He has‘caught him bowing—for‘doubtless Bur- GOMASTER Srx was a polite man—either to a deputation or a customer. His lady sits there placidly—to be admired ; nothing remarkable in her but her pons and comely trimness in look.and dress. What is it makes these pictures so-interesting ? Simplest they are visibly Bur- GoMASTER Six and his:wife,and nobody e Every feature im each belongs to every other feature, and to all the features put together. Each is a harmonious conception, and masterly reproduction of the original, and no other possible burgomaster and burgomaster’s wife in the wide world. You agree with me, my young friend, I see. So let'us pass to the Vanpykes, if you please. No wonder you come to a stand-still before that portrait of Snyypers. You are quite right. It is the most gentlemanly portrait in the world. Even the elegant and accom- plished Firusy never got upon canvass a more unmistakeable air of goottending and refinement. But observe how utterly indifferent is all in the picture, in comparison with the sad, somewhat sunken, but still most sweet and serene face. That this should be the painter of boar and wolf hunts, whose bold brush dashes in howli ear-cubs and disembowelled dogs, and bristly porkers, struggling, and goring, and gnashing in a ruck of hounds, by the side of which LasDsEER’s anim subside into curled and combed drawing-room pets! ‘Those are rather a remarkable pair of full-lengths, I think, my young friend, on either side the Manusz. Arts and arms, the gown and the -coat, in quiet contrast,—the Spanish officer of VeLasquez, and the Asse Scacuia of VanpykE; the former by a and sturdy, with his leading staff in his hand, and his helmet by his side, ready to be braced on, when the word is given'to march at the head of those irresistible pikemen against the breached redoubt, or into the grande gg upon those rebellious burghers, who have hoisted the town flag on the ffroi, and are holdmg their frightened burgomaster prisoner in his own Hatel de Ville; the latter pale and rather drooping, but with eyes full of thoughtfulmess—the impersonation of subtle intellect, in’ whose hands the brute force of the soldier is a tool. Kither these painters must, on the whole, have understood their — better than Friwsy, Danster, & Co. understand the crop of -coated generals, and black-coated clergymen, who yearly blossom on the walls of the Royal Academy rooms, or the soldiers and clergy- men of the days of VeLasquez and VanDYKE must’ have carried more of their character and callmg in their limbs and looks ‘than ‘their respective brethren now-a-days. Of course, my dear young friend, you jump at the latter alternative. The fault is in the sitters, and not in those they sit to. Will you walk with me into the South Room, and see the Str JosHvas, hung here in worthy neighbourhood with the works of Rempraxpt and Vanpyxg, HotBeErn and Rusens? Let me beg your attention to that sweet little Lady Canonine Howanrp— “ a rose ’Mong roses—mingled with her fragrant toil.” Was. innocent girlhood ever better coneeived, and more: gracefully nted? Or was boyhood ever better put upon canvass than in asTER Henry Bunpury—staring open-eyed .at Sin.JosHva, no doubt—his hands upon his knecs—a boy capable of any amount of tarts and toffy, but a little gentleman withal ? Was all this in the sitter, think you? Asif to beat you out-of your lines, my dear young friend, be good enough to give a ing glance at e LawkEncEs,—at that staring and. tea-boardy canvass of Mrs. AncersveIN AnD Son, for example; — remembering that Siz. THomas’s sun rose as Sin Josuva’s ~*~ and that Sim Tomas was the crack.and Court. portraits of his time, more unmis- takeably popular among the fine la gentlemen than even

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PUNOH, OR) THE LONDON CHARIVARE Dasster, R.A., or Furmsy, A.R.A., now-a-days, be assured, that what ieture is to be, depends the:pi on what the artist i is; that the work. rises or sinks with the man us thinking, d ; the infernal gods, than oot hy the fatal: fortune artificial flowers’ the:paltryxand untruthful palettes of the Demers and the Friusyxs. WHAT’S IN AIN (ARISTOCRATIC) NAME? “the most recklesmatyle, for ‘the sake of:redeeming him, association with -his A more desperate effort has been made by the a to redeem themselves ‘fromthe horrors:of their nominal ce y describin themselves as “of” some — or ane of which one never hear bo pa and never*wishes to hear again. For example, there is) our hé-givin: "pepe who advertises herself as “Mrs. Jones of Plate Glass,” we wo just as respectable, in our eyes, if she were “ Mrs. Jone: of Window abe ” for one distinction is not a bit more silly than the other. When will people be contented to found their claims to respect on what they realivare are, instead of upon the absurd claims to fashion or title, which they: attempt to purchase in the columnsof the fashionable newspapers ? —_——— THE SUN TO PUNCH. see Don’t. start, wd I write this upon your study mond-pointed be * Frrenp Pon walls with my bes “Well, haven’t I done the Sina. thing this summer of 1851? Haven’t I sent a magnificent specimen of an English summer to the Great Exhibition? ‘Shall foreigners henceforth flout at your summer; when .I have seen. tho them scorched as they never were scorched before ? “Mr. Paxton -himself—who, .as a gardener, must know the: true value of my. power—Mr. Paxton must feel that I have done his Crystal Palace great honour, having daily illuminated it with my brightest. “As Pua@sus and ‘Puncn are equally engaged in enlightening the world, ‘I have thought ‘that this brief communication—written in _ light on your study walls of 86, Fleet Street-—would, whilst. doin, more than a rightful courtesy, be also ms to the esteem of your fellow-labourer, Mr. Punch . Extraordinary Liberality in a Prelate. Tue Westmoreland Gazette has published. the fact thatthe, Bisnor or Durwam has subscribed. As towards an Independent chapel in Neweast!e-upon- eae With the farthest. intention possible bom a nonchalance with which Sou pas ie —"MOMBER of persons delight! _ | oape with, this coalyrsee without a ’ |hhe-writes, fen | th this: subject, it: has:appeared to me £10,000, under if possible, from the:-vulgar}; ECCLESIASTICAL CROAKINGS, (Onthemotiomof Sm Benzamm Hatt we have anoth «bh ion. Reclesisatieal matters, in which th the crosking-wt the “ Bios es | their incomes:should-not come w bg, cnn i “«" the difference :when Ihappen to be above it, The-exertions eee, a very. First the-croakers is poor Dunzim. He'seems to have con- tracted for Durham:on a vacancy in 1836. He -was phen Sieaor-on swvithsome £3500 a year ipavitheatine a ich, he cannot income of “Tn the:very numerous and large subsprigtions and ehetihite af Diliminish one half, it may eppear mean, and I must do siderable: For instanee —- per annum to the Sons of’ the ‘here, oy tothe A ‘Anniversary. I believe eae e same e Jemma f| It seems thateitrwas first of all that his. Lordship: should have his clearsumembarrassed Bo py etay and pay over ie esis of the See to the Gommissioners. On. second thoughts, however, the cettiatn fora: EGS aamll: pagans temey the the Bishop ; onl to-tone “T shall: ect object to: -any-sum that they (the Commissioners) Pe | determine upen, notexceeding £12j000. ‘TD aonfess I think it t-not to: exceed . Ber since I have‘ been co om to thi upon na the cireumstances, fwnacva:reasonable sum: to ‘Mepanciadisiabensste) | erty is, satis to add that’ his ey ae wees 211,50 Wall done, Desa “* pounds, not —last,, Dunena ! ties to cut him A. hie ‘pecuniary al the ooleaiastieal Estates,” excessive and illegal ] wyear” wants to = ers having been rae to reduce to. his £5000 a sale aie beat other Bishops are ~_ than th their fe fixed re, but ‘not less,” seems to "Cornscceiael ane _ out of £500 a-year. ‘He expec cted' £4500. “Tt is not pleasing, ”h “to com his situation with that of any + ‘but becker t that the Bishop: or Riron has £4500, Sif Ripon is, tarther ro eels ae S aaiconguasrel ipon is; arther from London i ex: living oN Duwe~m does not seem to have allowed for this in ons. Ripon has been desperately done. He has had to:ereate:an entire new , place—new pleaeneneeannen, , plantations, roads, walk fencing, . and hopes the Con will assist him. Creal predecessor, ” yi oe mmissioners ‘ones | Of, that, they reduce him £200 a year, hinting that it ought:to: be-2400, a balance-shee His Lordshi ip then sends the t, ~which ‘he pleasantly calls ‘‘ Conscience o. Purse,” to-show that Golomattunen to be mulcted ;—and as there the matterseems to-rest, why, wewill rest too— feeling, as we must all do, that suchvextracts.require:no comment. A CALL ON MR. CANTELO. Certarn “ gentlemen” belo to the 15th Hussars and the 16th Lancers, who lately Motingeiibed t me ore a dro-Incubator, the other day, the manner, paid Mr. Canteto’s:Hy “honour” of a visit. It was cheered: that they wore ets, a peculiarity in the uniform of officers, prescribed » by command, to commemorate their cclehratechachievement at tt Tooting South Lambeth G Gate. The gallant heroes : to ‘take much interest in the exhibition, evidently: wonder, as sources of animal life, siveets which they:had: hi —; accustomed: to view principally in the light of ammunition. They requested that any Ag on which CaNnTELO’s process might prove inoperative, might sent to their quarters, Chemists. and Druggists. Tre, Member for'St. Alban’s introduced a bill—afterwards withdrawn , until-next Se anes ee of chemists and druggists. | Mx. Besnat said— “ There were but: too. many pervons employed as chamists!amistanis who did: not comprehend the difference between oxalic and Epsom salts.” i We believe this tobe true. Woale | baigendthehoaith betten odnee. paneny sinned ce ttn, tt an ali, do te better . present know not the difference aay ti ahs Pave ty impenahing ng the ’s churehmanship, Punch will thathe i | mt ee whe wp He of grooms and —-

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. AN ILLUSTRIOUS FOREIGNER. FoNn)—at posent hold- ing his levee at the rote the leak “eat eis the " hit” of the season; and, if set free in the unds, would, no oubt, have “a prodi- ous run.” It is said t wall aoe than oue rical manager gazed upon the illus- trious stranger with contemplative, specu- lative eye, as Soo earning to sna im Into large type in a play-bill; that more han one dramatist, or has visited the : part, lating the native of Borneo into the best London Eng- lish. But the fellows of the Zoological So- ciety, not wishing to e the ape to the drama—witha delicate ard to the animal's fee have hither- to stoutly resisted all offers. ‘Ihe resolution does equal honour to their heads, hearts, and pockets. The Uran, on his departure for England, was accompanied by that “ Honey-drop in of life, A charming wife” who died, it is said, half-seas over. The Uran, awhile disconsolate, is at the present time in the best health and spirits; lyin meen his back, and “ letting the world de.” But then the Uran is in his boy- hood: his forehead has the intellectual de- velopment that marks his early years; a development that becomes more purely THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—THE DIVING-DRESS DEPARTMENT. IN THE FOREGROUND IS A™ TROUBLESOME BOY (WHO HAS STRAYED. FROM HIS PARTY) AND COME SUDDENLY UPON THE FIGURE. HE IS HURRYING AWAY—FEAR DEPICTED ON HIS COUNTENANCE. , 4 4 BOG aie KEY TO TABLEAU. ° 1, Diving-Dress complete. 8, 4, 5, 6, UA 7 Ves “ae This strange hatred of all crystal develop- ment, and intense dis- gust of music in the open air, are, however, as the smallest foibles in the animal when ral i PH) | {it} || Hit | with his gene- ; and, moreover, with the unceasing amusement that he affords the Bri- tish public. t is re —but we give story as that of ramour merely that the U about to 1 rights of naturalisa- tion; and thereupon | will, on the next disso- ! lution, start for Parliament. upon the wide world from his cage, the Uran is said to be a stanch Protectionist. It is said that Mr. F——p has, in his own philan- thropic way, offered to teach the stranger the graces of language and the force of logic. Blow Out for Fire. It is very seldom that the devouring ele- ment can get a bellyful. Abundant refresh- ment is, however, provided for it in the Ex- ition, by means of Puriiirs’s Fire Anni- ator, which operates upon its appetite as such a regular damper, as, in a few minutes, to render it unable to manage even a tank of tar. 2 -_ > J> 2, A Troublesome Boy. His Party. PROPOSED ADDITION TO THE ARMY. Tue glorious exploit performed by certain iant piece of service o' 7 gallant officers occasion of the late famous retreat from Epsom, is well known. ught to be commemorated. on the This Two m o— mselves to Mr. Puach, whereby an object so of Her Masesty’s army might be Division. The other, and ent of a se wa drafted, an 8 intel hein + i : © troy ior fo se or more reasons that by valour ae wpe bw alone could we to be brought completely under the yolk. accom: addition to each of the regiments whereunto the heroes the more eli corps, into which all distin by “THE VOICE OF THE CHARMER.” THat men rule the earth from their graves is an acknowledced truth. Gzoncz Rosrns still —— through Det, of Brighton. For Det informs us, through the 7%mes, that on him— “ Devolves the pleasure of letting one of the most desirable shops, with dwellin house attached, in the North Street of the capital of the south of England, euphoniously named Brighthelmstone, but more commonly known as Brighton.” . The pleasure of letting a shop must be intense ; but with “a dwelling- house attached,” the delight quickens into perfect bliss ! “The proprietor retires, after an industrious and prosperous career, to that retire- ment classically termed otium cum dignitate.” Persons desirous of communicating with the late proprietor must lore address him in his retirement. Why did not Dstt “ Direct to — — Esq., Otium Cum Dignitate.” Truth has ¢ her well for the ink-stand of a house-agent.

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\ se a nie ae ee ae ee ' AN APPEAL TO THE PUBLIC. | Lord John. “ Lavtes anp GeNTLEMEN,—IN CONSEQUENCE OF THE DECIDED Success OF THE NEW PiECcE, ENTITLED ‘THE GREAT EXHIBITION; orn, THE CRYSTAL PALACE,’ rr wut se Repgatep, with Your KEE-IND PerMission, uxti, Furtuer Notice.” [Loud cries of “‘ Author! Author!” who makes his bow.

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' THE FEMALE STREET ORDERLIES. _® know of none, among the numerous, VV acts of utility performed by ladies in| the present day, involving so much self-sacrifice as the practice adopted | by our fashionably-dressed women, of | cleansing the public thoroughfares. | have not watched the elegantly-habited female pedestrian passing thick and thin, to assist in swee the a Neen - form = i _ hat she carries in her train w sets the example we have siluded. to All that is requi to render the ladies the efficient and constant scavengers of the Metropolitan foot-pavements, is to —— orgamise them into a body of female orderlies, and though the City Court of Sewers rejected Mn. CocHRaNnz’s proposition to cleanse the streets by means of his a | objection bemg founded chiefly on the class to which its members belong—we have little doubt that the services of the ladies, should they be tendered, would be accepted with Since the commencement of the shilling days has admitted to the Crystal Palace a majority of those belonging to a class who are self- interested to —_s economy and personal cleanliness, the building gets only on Saturdays the benefit of that thorough sweeping | which the five shilling classes are p 0 fice of their dresses, and at the cost of accumulating about themselves all the dust and dirt that would otherwise remain on the floor of the Exhibition. Unfortunately, the fine-lady scavengers are chiefly among those who consider the payment of five shillings nece: to protect | them from the contact of ; attend in large numbers on the shilling days; so that the only pe A secure their seavenging services would be to have a second five sh ing | day, when, released from the fear of all association with what some of them would call the scum of the earth, they might take away all the dust and dirt of the ground on their legs and petticoats. d to administer at the sacri-| THE CANTING CHANDLER. (A New Version of an Old Story.) To the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER. Paxpow, Sr Cuarxes, if I relate a tale, Which, certainly, is rather antiquated ; But statesmen like their wit a little stale : Jokes that have been for some time celebrated Always obtain the loude Both in the Commons and the Peers.’ A certain i : A credit to his trade, or his “ connexion,” Address’d his ’prentice thus, with nasal drawl : “ Joun,” snuffied this pretender to “ Election,” * Jonny, bast thou water-ed the rum ? ”—“ I have sanded ?”— gc ~ & 3 | 5 3 | S 2 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 29 | to buy the number that contai 8, hat, should be of the most:eorrect if possib jhat, ak should be continually a him, with the ; and they do not, therefore, | | would be to convince in LITERARY SAMPLES. We notice a great improvement in the shop-windows of some of our literary contemporaries. Oneof in Fleet Street, has displayed a | most miscellaneous stock of toys) and perfumery. It consists of Anti- - bottles of “Raw-de-Cologne, children’s “ tiddity-iddity” boots handkerchief; . ’ relieved tempting wax. The cflect is very attracts many a passer-by’to look-in at the window, where after stopping for half-an-hour over a wondering how ever it is possible for “ White to win in three —— rushes into the shop in despair, tains the solution. We think the ideacis so excellent that it should be imitated by all the newspapers and periodicals of theday. We throw out, at rancom, the following su which any of our contemporaries are welcome to, if they think them-worth adopting: They may pull in a customer or two, besides beimg looked upon by the public as fair average samples of the usual contents:of the paper :— A Prorectionist Newsraren should exhibit in its window a ry ae me or. in selecting Km ome eanest 0 im Pp up a semblance o' appearances, the cpusmmanasieeted chould.zther © igh under than above Danie. Lameset: The top-boots, corduroy eee a jolly custom tankard of foaming ale, to enable him to enjoy his pipe after dinner. “tt the tankard were sufficiently large, and no expense were spared in the dinner, the readers of the would not fail to imbibe a proper notion of the terrible state the Distressep Farmer was reduced to, and the tableau vivant would conjure up before his mind a truer picture of the agricultural wants and necessities than any amount of Leaders upon the same subject. A Sroxtive Journat mighthavea small stable fitted up in a window | —where the “Favourite” of the app race might be on view for so many hours a day; or better still, the stick, or stone, that broke | the poor Reporter’s head, when he was busy soperting the “ Grand Mill for the Championship of England,” could be laid out on a velvet cushion for the admiration of all lovers of Fair Play, Doctor’s bill, for mending the same n public a notion of the liberality of the paper. “‘ ‘I'he Champion befor her with a copy of the | in order to give the | and after the Fight,” might also form, once a year, a very attractive A Ganpewtne Parer might show us a few of the “ Enormous Gooseberries” and Cabbages which we never see anywhere but in print. A Literary Revrew could show us an sthetical Contributor writing an zsthetical article, in a purely wsthetical spirit; and a Mepicat Journat could not do better than lay before the publie the various noisome i ients of teration that, upon ysis, had been found to assist in a pound of the Best Mocha. The Provryctat Parers should have a stock of wonders perpetually on view, which might be remitted to 1 nas their attraction began to fade in the eyes of country subscribers, in order to feast those of | olitan readers. Thus we should have an opportunity of witnessing for ourselves those wonderful whieb are so often read of in the count nepes, het never, by any accident, met with in our rambles throu ature. Each separate wonder should be labelled, and the identical paragraph that i its incredible pramtions or attributes should be a rere” isplayed underneath. | n this manner we should see exhibited HIs EXTRAORDINARY Snower or Froes,” from the Tipperary Moderator, \ying by the side of “A Wowperrv. Taxe or Satmow” that had been sent up by the Manz Cat. Country compete with each other, in contri- | buting the most startling phenomenon; and, after a time, a paper like a egen 4 ms fo ts bOnpeny aes ich w the Morning Herald (or rat of Gobemoucherie) would be able to collect a Museum w make Barwum leap over the Falls of Niagara (in his own exhibition) from sheer despair. But the great advantage of these shop-window exhibitions, after all incredulous readers that the v ble and other wonders which they read of from week to week, did not sprout | out of a Penny-a-liner’s prolific imagination, but had really grown and Here We Go, Round and Round. A Lerrer in the Times states that there is, after all, nothing new in he idea of Coxt’s revolving pistol, there being one on the same prin- ciple as.old as the time of Cuakius THe Fast, in the British Museum. | 1 is the case, the American revolver only comes round to the point | from which Re he seth Roten ye emp or, in| other words, Cot has found a mare’s nest. ished in some less fabulous soil. If we read of a “ Steep with ten | legs and two tails,” we should all of us be too inclined to doubt it ; but where is the man who could refuse to swallow the sheep if he saw S in eeeenne enabled to count the legs and tails for And wae pat phenomenon should Punch exhibit? Why, nothing but his weekly number. Admiring millions see it every wok, and are happy and content, knowing too well that it would be impossible for Punch.to show them any greater Wonder ! ———oorr Gy . ‘ armceabaiiliniacnen ~ SS ee et nee at et te Peers ma he

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

MORE ABOUT CABS. “ Srr,—The Hansoms of the present day are nothing to what ov used to be. I had a whole day's ——— lately in a Hansom Ca in Epping Forest ; so I think I can tell what there is in a Hansom, and what there isn’t. “ First of all, there isn’t room enough. They are not built wider than an arm-chair. Formerly a Hansom would hold two if two persons wish to ride together, they must eac Hansom. ; | “Szconpny, the entrance is not high enough. You can’t get in without knocking your hat, and it is the same if you wish to get ; out, “Turep.y, the roof is not high enough. You cannot sit inside with your hat on, unless you wish to have it jolted over your face till the brim rests on your shoulders. To save your hat, you take it off, and the consequence is you catch cold. “ Fourruty, the splashboard is not strong enough. As a general rule, T have found that Hansom horses are more given to kicking than any other breed of cab-horse. I have sat behind Hansom horses that have kicked through everything. 1 can assure you, Sir, that the worst thing | that you can have flying in your face (next to your wife), is a pair of | horse’s legs. I have been for two hours in that awful pootqunens curled up in the corner of a Hansom, with no possibility of petting out, and afraid to move lest my nose—which, from its extreme length, is particularly unadapted for Hansom travelling—should come in contact with a big hoof. They say it is lucky to fling an old shoe after | one on a Leow x i but still 1 do not like a horse to be the person to fling it, especially when you are sitting not the distance of the hair of a whisker behind him. . “ Freruy, the present race of Hansoms jolt too much. You not only have your swing for your money in one of them, but rather too much of aswing. You are knocked like a ball from side to side. If you were not wedged in so tight, from the narrowness of the seat, you would be bruised all over, like a bushel of Many WELDAKE’s oats. | “And tastty; I mean to say it is very un-hansom treatment to be pinched for room; to have your hat injured; to be knocked about like a cricket-ball; to sit in peril of losing all your teeth; to be jolted up and down, as if you were in a churn; and then to be expected to pay double fare—for no Hansom cabman is contented unless you pay od twice as much as any ordinary cabman “ Unless the above nuisances are remedied, I shall be driven to ride in | that infernal machine called ‘ BLatueranskatinski’s Patent ’—whieh looks like a cab-stand of Hansom’s that had been panes up all together —I may be stared at, but, at all events, I shall be safe. “Yours, Sir—without another word— “Aw Otp GrumsBieR.” P take a separate ple; but now, | ; | MESMERISM AT THE CUSTOM HOUSE. 'To Da. Wiuatam ~Grecory, F.R.S.E., &c., Professor of Chemistry in the Unswersity of Edinburgh. | Leagyep Siz, A apy, under the signatare of “D.” writes to the Times to ‘complain of the treatment which some packages of hers received in | passing through the Custom House. She declares that her boxes had | been broken open, although she had sent the keys; and her clothes and ‘other property thrown about as if they had been wholly worthless, and then forced back into the boxes in a confased state, and covered with the dirt of the warehouse-floor. Her dresses were valuable ; none of her | property was chargeable with duty; and for having had it thus | seandalously damaged, she was forced to vay 26 13s, : | In your lately published “ Letters to a Candid Inquirer on Animal Magnetism,” which | take to be addressed exclusively to myself, who ,am the only individua! that inquires candidly into anything, you state } that Mason Bocxier—you ballove--hae produced in upwards of 140 | persons a degree of clairvoyance enabling them to read, with almost invariable accuracy, printed mottoes enclosed in boxes or nutshells. | Do you think Masor Bucxter could tise the Custom House | officials, so as to give them the ability to see inside of trunks? You | have ourself known some persons in a state of “lucidity,” you say, |deseribe the interior of the human trunk. If it is in the power of the | gallant Mason to develop this faculty in the persons in question, it is | desirable that he shou!d he employed by Government to enable them to /ascertain the contents of ladies’ boxes, without rummaging the boxes land spoiling the things. But [ am afraid that, in order to obtain c/air- | voyance, the Mason would require subjects with a much more delicate | system than that of Custom House officers. I am, Learned Sir, your recent reader, PULCR. THE SPIRIT OF EXCHANGE. <n ERTAIN news; adopt the system amongst each other of “exchanging.” This does not consist with copies of papers only, but frequently with long articles and reports—though the ex- change is too often all upon one side ; for we have known articles of ours repeatedly taken by ae ree without their giving us the slightest chance of taking one inreturn. We have been told of a person who is so fond of “exchanging,” that he carries it out on every possible oc- casion. If he goes to a public dinner, and finds his name at the bottom of the room, he does not in the least scruple to “exchange” it with one at the very top. If he is travelling with a large party, and has a bad bed allotted to him, he never hesitates a minute in “exchanging” it with a friend who has a good one. If at a picnic he meets with anyone who has a silk umbrella, he is always too ready to “exchange” his cotton one for it. Again, if three persons, of whom he is one, are walking in a ses shower under one umbrella, he will not wait to be asked, but with the greatest willingness will “exchange” his place outside the umbrella for the one in the middle. He has been known to “ exchange” the leg of a beautiful fowl for a liver-wing; and even to pass his iced pudding on to the young lady sitting next to him, if there was only ‘a bit of one ” to be got in “ exchange.” Nor do his “exchanges” stop here—for at an evening-party he never misses leaving his old hat behind him, ex g it, if he is reduced to it, with a better one. Nor is this all—for it is really believed, that, if he met with a handsome, amiable young lady, related to the nobility, with something like £10,000 a year settled upon her and perhaps as much more at the death of an old aunt, he would not object, if it was agreeable to her, to exchange names with her, and to let her take his name simply in exchange for her property.

‘4 1 i

More Papal Bishops. Tue Pore is manufacturing English bishops as fast as they make | buttons at Birmingham. He bas, within a fortnight, made a Bishop of | Plymouth—a Bishop of Southwark—a Bishop of Saiforth—a Bishop of | Shrewsbury, and so forth. They will, we hear, enter upon the full enjoyment of their dignities when the following other primates take the Bishop of the Moon—the Bishop the Great Bear, and the Bishop of

| possession of their sees : yy of the Dogstar—the Bishop o

Saturn and his Ring.

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PU NCH; OR THE LONDON c i. \RIVARL. 31 7. is “Tf r evi to provide the vilest, ‘the most atroglil HYPERBOLES OF THE HOLY SEE. |crimina!, a passage to the realms of endless i 2 jare we not told that almost every villain, who, by Ly the late Papal “ Appeal to the Piety and Charity of Italians,” urging them | award of law, exchanges this wor! A for the next, has . subserib: to the erection of a new'grand Koman Catholic Chureh “ in the contro ydied devoutly penitent—brought, “by the exertions of of London, Roden position, in one of the most majestic streets in the City,” it is savaent plain who attended him, to a due sense that -- oi cwfa taation “wg _ AK nneryy _—, , P e mat instrument by whi is great feat o Fe ee tenis too lie emer “tua eliberwites Gd anton at ker ioe ene es of Gabtianity, if society — not hen, is it not either by an hopes of the immediage return “thee prodigal danghter within the bovom of its afllicted Coeoeenialie Sresiglds or a wonderful inconsis- mother, the Roman Church. teney, that, whilst there are plenty of fountains, there Fexvrvasp Mrsvcct, also, “Ancistswor or Frorence, of the Holiness of our is postively not one Drop in the Great Exhibition ? it i Prinee of the Holy Roman ire, and Knight Grand Cross-of the Order of Merit, ———— == under the title of Sr. Josepu”—and Punch doesn’t know what else—in his “ notrfica- tion” on the same subject, headed with the ag: orld! SApuatleahy ia titles just; THE DOOM OF TIE DIRTY OFFICERS. uoted, talks of “the success of t in the United le Geota aat 0k eth rete of th ott wn f th : Pca | true e un e simple of the r . but especially of the most Talightesed, of the most learned, and of the “or Sewus, stripp’d of lance and sabre, honoured personages ;” ame glee _~ “the sweet hope” of Great Britain’s With our uniforms, too, O, gone, | pt pein SFOs ‘the marvellous tendency of that nation ios aes eet Did you ever, reader, meet with the like of this? Why, yes; for of course you read Look—our hair-is cropp’d like: ec Shakspeare as weil as Punch, In Richard the Third, Ket HII, Séene 7, you wil Our moustaches they have shorn. recollect Buckingham gives Gloster the following hopeful ‘account. of his attempt to enlist Yow ———— here m. trouble, the citizens of London in behalf of their design upon the Crown -— to toil, and.shame, and scorn | “When he had done, some followers of mine own, shel enous Seber seccrepettaeaeare: _ Llores ate fr fast And thus I took the vantage of those few : eee "ihe pub aoower, fy . oa Argues your and your love te Ricnamp.” | Well it suits such eonin a you.” | What only makes the cases not precisely similar is, that whereas, when Buckingham Throwing eggs in wt oynes tried chy ‘or — =the itn -_ mum, said not a word,” and —x What you see has brought us to. ype to his solicitations but a few of his own flunkies, a similar manceuvre on t' he part of Carpixat Wiseman in the cause of Ais chief, elicited a tremendous roar. of We ee eee — ‘ No Popery!” all over the kingdom. And when | yevenl'd as; Manwecr’s assertion about the “numerous restorations” to his church, /* especially Baselp did pan * of the most enlightened, of the most learned, and of the most honoured personages,” Slaving th tha, all. ’d and shaven, | really ail os seasonable it ie sogeel, a Mrsuccr omy na ae oon the ornaments 0’ Benen, the Colleges of Physicians geons, ay sneak and craven. the Institution, the and Army and’Navy, are the kind of who fon Bs te Hora been turni age Pe oe Mursvcci has deceived himsell--if not, —— Minvcct pt to deceive Punch. ae 4 place beubuilt under the — of of Bandon is by aa i si we the cen ‘axfine positions” evcentre of London is Smithfie and what positiaaesald Aiartinamese for the Gifich of Quuax Mit? | THE TRUTH SEEN THROUGH A WINDOW. | In a im the: the. following imseriptéon ae ™ = “IChON PREND LARGEST OE lt krnaneen/’ | | our tradesmen upon the poor foreigners, we have not the slightest doubt that ‘the “argent de Uétranger” | has been taken in more shopsthan one in the City, and taken, too, in the greatest abundance. But the candour of the announcement deserves some praise, and has only been exereded in its touching naiveté by an an- nouncement. we. remember. seeing..over a Gasthof in Vienna to the followimg confidential effect :-— “ ENGLISUMEN TAKEW IW Wen.” A-GAP IN THE GREA? EXHIBITION : | Tuenz is one great omission in the British contributions to the mdustry of| sqteittesent - humanity. Among all our astonishing machinery, we have not one specimen, nor | To Mr. Punch, | even model, of the Beszvorent Macmine. The reader, peradventure, says he has never heard of such an invention. It isno invention, however ; at leastro modern one;| “ Sunr,—I hears as how Ma. Jacos Bat ba bronght but he has heard of it often re ay og another name. We exhibit machines | a bill into the House of Commons called the Farmacy simply destructive ; guns, pistols, artillery, shells, all kinds of devices intended to bill. 1 be told Mm Bets io 8. gaeat great druggister. ‘They smash, pierce, shatter, Sniae. and kill, perhaps with horrible agonies, brave and| tells us ty lock to drugs as the chief remedy good men, or to dismiss bad ones—suddenly it may be—to such fate as may await them|for agricultur. I spose this here Farmacy bill of his where. coneerns both drugs and peat oer ey I thinks he’d better The Benevolent Machiae, it is true, is associated also with the idea of physical — his own bisnus, and stick to druggi-try, and lave in connexion with the Great Change; but how much ~~ than muskets, | Farmacy to farmers. I be: field-pieces, and mortars! Its intention is—returning on the part of society good “A Vauwrn” | a he nn ENN ect ne

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—— ervgned_& ® e of Italian secular pri Rome, that the spirit may influence the same.” We on: when may we expect It Bamsrvo to be carried in state to Westminster ? | But Punch has to s t to his old friend the Pops a plan by which | time may be saved. At the quickest, many months must elapse ere the new Italian Church can be erected. Wherefore, then, not at once Royal, Drury Lane? Certain we are that the 8 eye. scenery forth, with a very little expense, and possession—we doubt not I i Wes ips Dinas Lee Teen 5 ae o the of the Pors, “in a fine position in one of the most majestic streets in | the city,” but it is, nevertheless, a magnificent fabric, and may no | doubt be had a in. | And whereas it | at heart a true Catholic, ay the Pore accept or make that fact, and PUNCH, OR 1 THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

pocket, seem to be altogether lost sight of. “little accounts,” the learned gen “ Winding-up Act.” late Drury Lane Theatre, once become an Italian Church, be duly) === dedicated to “ Saw Gueiizimo.” “ VENUS’S LOOKING-GLASS” IN THE WINTER GARDEN. By all means convert the Crystal Palace into a Winter Garden. If you incur expenditure thereby, you will dim consumption. What oo cree we oats of resort afford to the out- Brompton Hospital ! (air) in December, in any part of on. cured in a week.” Ma. Paxtow will then have built a conservatory, only for the industry of all nations, but for the health of our citizens. Well; but if this magnificent pee is carried out, believe the boarding of the side aisles of edifice will be and glass put in its Si} Pit, fa, should be coated on outside with an amalgam of quicksilver. interior of it will then at a series of i

P reflecting s in of fact, of mirrors—and besides trees, and shrubs, and flowers, building will always afford agreeable objects of contemplation to ladies.

combinations, the principles of protection as applicable to the public We may add, that Duwvp, having been worried by his creditor’s tleman has under the

Because they aod green and gold. Conundrum for the Crystal Palace. War are the Russian malachites in the Great ition” like young gentlemen who have just come into a lot of money?

Printed by William Bradbary, of No. 13, U Wobdurs F im tne Pariar of St. O@ee, in Lombard ‘athe Ps hao mat Street, Preemet of Whutefriasa,tn tae Otty of London, and at Na, Re. 7, Unurea Stoke Newington, Semen the Purten'es te Makoe ete Cover ta Printers, at (heir 12th, 1961,

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 5-4 Os diate the enn you wonid nab in it. then that Hock I know, as I hope you do— THE QUEEN IN THE CITY. ELL, oh my Muse! of the P of Royalty into the City : Teli though ‘ou ’ve not any ted to do it—the more 4 the pity— Why wasn Bunch Poet-Laureate, and not lazy-bones ALrrep Tennyson ? Still, if I’ve not got the sack, | Aave had the turtle and venison; Therefore 1’ll sing, free and full, as /mprovvisatore of Naples; Something for love of my Que#N, and much for regard to my Starres.* * Ma. Stapces supplied the supper. Lend mé thy pen, mighty Goo, and, Macos, a dip of thy standish— ow to astonish the natives, and visitors, also, outlandish. hat shall it be, Epic—Lyric—Tom Moorish—W ordsworthian—Byronic ? Just what you please, little dears, so it’s lively and also laconic. Was I invited ?—Of course, Sir; for what City glorification But has its cover for Punch, and his laugh at that dear Corporation ? Up into Fieét Street I strove, fromi my house in historic W hitefrints Carelessly TT! my staves, while of theirs the Policemen were pliers ; Clearing the way of the small boys, who crowded round Punch in his glory, Taking a sight at their King, e’en as I at my Queen—my Vicrory ! Thwack apes crowns fell their Jd/ons, as mine upon crowns oft hath fallen ; So through the hustlers I passed, and the hustled, the mauling, and mauden.+ + There is no auttiority whatever for this past-participle; but there ought to be: fall—/allen; maul—maulen Gallant, indeed, was the show, as forth into Fleet Street I st: ; ’*T wixt a fat charger’s fore-legs my person | cautiously smuggled, Into the pares emerged, from the shade of my country’s defenders, And to the world stood revealed, ‘neath the gas-stars’ illumining splendours ! First came a chill—then a cheer—and the cheer and the contagious ; “ Bless you, my people!” I cried, and their loyalty Outrageous ; Handkerchiefs waved from the windows ; fam waved their daddles,+ t “Hands,” Vide” Ben's Life in London? And with the greatest ado the Life- still in theif eee. et ay may pass by wes “= tan the Crowns and the Laurels, tars, and T'ransparen wi ully obvious How the gus flickered and flared, and bow (for the f9ét theré’ no blinking) Thousands of coloured oil-lamps most ly ott liké Winking. Pass we the Royal cortége—with its its slow ; Don’t how bright was Cheapside, or how dark were the approaches, Pass—with the single remark, that ten thousand ana there, Might, with advantage, have come from Vaux and the find the damps there, SN Ee ee ral aettddte iSn Na Ki Sto Goon Strct ich for this t sho’ ave C name into Queen Street ! Now—for I’m tired—take a spell—you, Masoe and Gro there % roe | Giants, Tell how the Queen in Guildhall was received, by your Corporate clients. Gos, go in first, like a Briton, and afterwards I ll lay a tax on terful Macoe, in turn, to take up the burden in Saxon. Goe loguitur. Sing, Muse, by Gos, how from the prog, the Crypt’s dark cells adorning, The odour rose into my nose, since this here Wedeouier morning. eet praise my voice I’ll raise, to sing, as best 1’m able, bill of fare and fowl as were upon the Royal table. There was Purée de Volai And Maeédoine of Caille,. And Aspic de Levraut 4 la Beile-vue, Noix de Vean 4 la gélée, And a Hure de Sanglier, (I might have said a wild boar’s head, but, as English, that won’t do), ° There were Boudins de foie gras, And Compote d’ Ananas ; Buissons de Truffes and Giteaux a |’ Artois ; Then there was Mayonnaise, And such 8uédoise de raises, A PAté monstre, and Cotelettes d’Agneau aux Petits Pois! Ti Poncnu. I'll take my oath— ld! + courteous of Giants. En said of eating and drinking. And comes ey Marchanudo. ele) mashes ae ough And hark!—pop—pop'— | Gos. _ Sans stint or stop— | And of what else, Sir, should we, as Corporate Giants, be thinking ? Tis Baccuvs’ own artillery— Where foams, and creams Porc , Tn nectarous streams, Tell of the statues so graceful, enwreath’d all in roses and myrtle. a my om” SO hael ! Macose Celt, Erse, Ga ‘ We knows no statue but one, and that’s Peace, cause her emblem ’s Old Macoe gives ing ; a turtle, Drink, Cit ; Pouncn. i How of the music ? And oreignere, Gos. _* i oo We heard none ; the Aldermen’s buzzing so loud was VOL, XXI, | | | |

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SEIT REI Sie ORES Tle) | ny PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARI Ponca. How of the dancing ? Macoe VARI. Goo (sulkily). Don’t you ask any more questions—we’re tired, both Macoe and ? . me is. There was none—so pushing and ill-bred the crowd was. | [f you are pleased with the turn things are taking, it’s more, Sir, than Puncn. ed h ‘Tell of the strangers who thronged —Represeistatives there of all nations! | aly ‘ Ca . pre volutions ! All as I know is, they kept City people without invitations. Puncn. Tellme, oh tell, of my friends—the ill-used ones—the ex-Men in Brass, Sir! tested ! Macoe , But me and Macoe don’t see Bless ’em! why, they was down stairs, round the table, a-holding the | Loyal we has been, and is—and But to bid us to “ move on” —I’d just recommend you, Sir, not to. | gas, Sir. A FRENCHMAN AT THE SCOTTISH FETE. (Being part of Mowstexurn Ciatnvorant’s feuilleton to “ Le Cunard de Paris.’”’) , “\ 5 jm HAVE seen with my eyes some 4% | ~ Scotchmen. Not the Scotch- man of the Opéra Comique, who sings, and makes love, and fights in the manner the most approved, after Mons. Scrise but the Scotchman, such as yon may see him on the top of is mountains, hunting the wild rabbit. Oh! I have felt one joy shoot through me, when I did see this fine Boy of the Old | Scotland. He is big—he is strong—he is gentle. He do what neither you nor I, nor the best peal of Frawxcont, could be able to do. He take in his hand a tree, and he throw him over his shoulder as I throw away un cigar de trois sous, which ~ [can no smoke; but with more - of ease, with less of indigna- tion. He live in a world of - trees and rocks—and they are + his playthings. The trees, they ——~= «Care bis walking-sticks — the rocks, they are his marbles. He makes them jump in the air, as we do the sous when we play at school at the game which you call pig-tails. He run quicker than any Kumour on the Bourse, and without any stockings. He spring more high than any of the waters at Versailles—and without any pockets. Oh! he is a study for Praprer to cut him; for Detarocue to paint him! He has no trousers, not no more than my beaugiful countrywomen of the fish, at whose legs Jes = Lords take much of pleasure to regard all the day at D. and Boulogne, when they can see better legs in Scotland! I have made one great discovery why the Scotchman is so mean, as the proud Englishman delights himself in calling him ; it is the reason because he has not any pockets iato which he can put his hand like the Englishman. How is it a for any man to be charitable without pockets ? Many of us know not the charity, even with them ! ee The day was glorious; that is to say, it did rain at great pours—but, then, it always rain in Scotland —and I tell you it was a Scottish Féte. I did get myself wet all through, but I make not any regrets ; for it was a Scottish Féte, and one is always soaked to the skin in Scotland, excepting in Mons. Scrrse’s Operas. The music was much different to that in La Dame Blanche, though that is full of beautiful Seotch music, written by Borto1ev, one Frenchman, who write better Scotch music than the Scotch themselves. Oh! it was too much. It did break open my head, it did split my ears, it did inflict pains on my stomach with recollections of the cholera, It was the Baseypipe| it instrument / It must be the music of the spheres below. It must be the veritable Violom du Diadle; different to the one Sr. Ltow plays with Cerrro in that charmant ballet. I am told there is not any nightingales in Scotland. On my faith I understand it well—the ipe has killed them all / y I did not see Mowsizurn Macxistosu—whose habits the English carry about with them on their backs everywhere. He is the most famous man alive, and must be the man the most popular in England, for every one speak of him as My Mackintosh. I must tell you, that Mae means “The Son of”—so Macxintosu is the son of Krvtosn—but I seratch my head with wonder, for all the Scotchmen are Macs. Thus, Scotland must be a nation of all sons, with not one single father amongst them! I leave with you the enigma. The Scotchmen also play like children, with wheelbarrows—like our coryphées, with village dances, round poles with flowers— ike our Professeurs of the Savate, with flingi their feet in the faces of both other; and this they do just all as well as nous Francais, qui ont a 1 hanteur, and have, with the agility of our feet, always put the noses of all nations out of its joint! They i” NJ] FPL PES. heads-and- | | Smithfield’s to go—so I’m told—with all of its interests wested, | Though in the City we planned, and petitioned, and prayed, and pro- Paxton is all werry well, and the Palace of Crystal, and so on— how things is a-going to go on. ' | | | | 1s. 7, a-laying rash hands on our wen’rablest old institutions ? avons themselves is’nt safe in these days—talk o’ red re- | i ] | Gop save THE QuEeEN is our motto; Et Vhospitalité Ecossaise ?—1 hear | you ask me. Ah! It was nobly sup- | ported L was one of the invited to | olland House—the Palace of Lop Hoxwanp, one of the most great Lords | of Scotland. Oh! I[ feast, and drink in th conmervateny, which was stream- ing with light, all the night, and did porter beaucoup de toasts to the health of Scotland, and of every ; ! it was Une Nuit de Eté, as SHAKSPEARE says—but what did please me more than all the rest, I did dance one Ruile with her Lapy or Hottanp and the celebrated Bust of our gra Empereur by Canova did smile on your humble feutlletoniste for so doing. But | what did make my blood mount to the | face, was that one dblacquiard wanted | to persuade me it was not her Lady 1 | dance with, but her Lady’s Ma‘d. | Why am I a republican, if [ no know | the Noblesse when I meet him? Jnfame defamer, I did send him quickly to the me arte a So Ge Panne | in enjoy myse a wonder | at the Scottish Féte, but it is a | thousand pities one must be wet | through before one can enjoy him. The Crystal Palace Doomed. No hope for the Crystal Palace. That brilliant bubble is blown out by the breath of wi fairy fabric is “‘ put down” by the strong arm of an Alderman. solemn vestry of Marylebone, Str Peter Lavnrre has declared against a winter-garden. Fragrant trees, and aromatic flowers | suse tube to cage te bees cause 8 in n Street. How can palms bananas and Swan and Epear flourish to- gether ? The world looked to Stn Prrer Lavrre for some such demonstration. For Str Peter Laurie is one of those men who seem made only to perform the office of mile-stones; for no other purpose than to mark the _—— that the world goes beyond them. NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THE PLACE. Viztr, the Prime Minister of Persia, means li Porter, from the nume- rons burdens a Prime Minister is sup- posed to carry. This, however, will never a Bly to Lorp Jouw Russet; for, considering the number of mea- t ce noble jeu a la plus pan + sures that have been defeated this Session, the Prime Minister of England likewise play and dance with the sword ; but unlike fus, ma foi; for whenever a Frenchman take the | does not seem able to carry the smallest sword, c'est pour faire danser les autres. thing ! we ~ SS a = a oe PE

Page 39

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. . a \\ \) sf . m\\) AWFUL OCCURRENCE AT AN EVEN “ My Goopyess, Eutty! Harm’ comine pows!! Wuartever saa | THE FORTHCOMING ECLIPSE. Everrpopy is in expectation of the Eclipse of the Sun which is | coming off, or, more properly, coming on, on the 28th instant. Stories | are in circulation of strange freaks ‘ormed on similar occasions by | the lower animals, who began to make a night of it under the influence of delusion. For ourselves, we expect the following cognate phenomena :— When the darkness begins, Fiurr will put on a dress “front,” and | stroll away towards the Casino. Finding that establishment shut, he will think that “it must be infernal i | boots will be visible in the open daylight, to the astonishment of the | first-floor, who patronise Mechanies’ Institutes soon afterwards. Piumsy will wander forth in a “ wide-awake,” with a pipe, and being | met, as the obscuration clears off, by a respectable relative, will be cut peremptorily. Members of Parliament will go down to the “ House,” wondering how the time has flown so fast. A few will stare when they find nothing being done there: the majority, however, will find ‘iat so natural, from experience, as probably to go in and lounge there, while the darkness lasts. ‘ A few Protectionists will attribute the eclipse to the repeal of the Corn Laws, and will watch it angrily through smoked glass—as they do most t ; Rahted bulls’-eyes, will cast sheep’s eyes in the hings. Policemen, having direction of favourite Punch will make on the occasion various moral reflections ; thus :— _ The moon’s darkening the earth by hiding the sun—results from the littleness of the two first, not from that of the latter luminary. Bear | this in mind, Joon.z, whose reputation gets between the reading public | and Mrurow. | An eclipse is favourable to the observing of spots on the sun—as _ People at defects in the ruined Tomx1ys, which they did not trouble b> atateieiaieninn Flowers sometimes shut uring an pse. geniuses languis' | when the figure of BLUBB, the critic, passes across the sky. - Eclipses are periodical, and Punch’s periodical ec!ipses every periodical. THEY ’RE BEGINNING THE QUADRILLE, ly late,” and will go to bed. Fiurr’s | 35 THE TAX UPON ATTORNIES. Tae Crancetton or tue Excue- Quer will not give up his tax upon attornies. Like sportsmen, attornies must still take out a license to bag their game, This is very hard upon the lawyers : because it is an admitted fact pulsating in the heart of every man who ically knows what law is, le — out of - pe et. It is a yearly offering jmade by himself to the conscious | dignity of his profession; a matter of enjoyment in no way con- | pe | tributed to by his clients. In fact, the | parallel of sportsman and attorney is, as we conceive, perfect. The sports- man his license to kill game: it would be absurd in him to expect of irrational | hares partridges to subscribe the amount of such purchased permission. | No, being licensed to kill, the sports- |man kills; and having killed, he eats | what he has hit. ‘The lawyer bein licensed to practise, practises; an | having practised, eats what he has | In both instances, the | blue-bagged. | game never pays its own powder-and.- | shot—never. The Bishop of Bristol and Gloucester, Bisnor Mowx has so ordered his “just in proportion as his family will broht after his decease, so will the Church lose.” The Bishop, with such an eye to excess, has earned an en- News, ING PARTY. AND HERE’s ALL My ‘ Back po?” instead of Bisuor or GLoucester, GLoucestTeR.” THE FIRE OF GENIUS. Amone the various inventions of the day, there is one that has extremely puzzled us. We allude to a Pocket Stove, which is being pretty extensively advertised. A man must be able to take it extremely | cool who can afford to have a fire in his pocket; and, indeed, he can | never draw out his handkerchief or his purse without running the risk | of burning his fingers. Perhaps a pocket stove may be intended to keep | off the light-fingered gentry, who, if they attempt to pick a pocket | furnished with a stove, would at once find themselves in hot coals, instead of being thrown, by the more uncertain chances of detection, | into hot water, We should be glad to know which is the ket in | which the stove is to be carried—whether in the waistco all the pockets at once, with a view to the equal melting down of those | who are inclined—against their own inclination—to be corpuient. stove, we think the present is poy! | weather, in which the public will be di the time of year, or the sort of | up, if they touched it at all, would induce them to set it down again. When winter comes round, we shall be y to fill our pockets with |as many stoves as the Life Insurance | about us, without increasing our having become doubly and trebly “The Tvrant Customs.” Board is anything but tyrannical. Of course we are bound to believe so high an authority, and indeed we have no objection to go so far as to the good opinion the Board has | words—the cloak—of justice. for his own delectation, takes out | renewal of leases that, says the Daily | larged title for bis see. Henceforth, | let all men read “ Bisnor or Dousie for the | | purpose of warming the heart, or whether a stove should be carried in | With every respect for the inventor of such an article as a pocket sposed to take up the stove with | | much warmth—or, rather, the warmth with which they would take it | will allow us to carry | eoatees, on the ground of our lives | Wuew Suaxesreane spoke of the “tyrant Custom,” he could not have | foreshadowed our own system of Customs, which we are told by the | of itself, and to invest their | Chairman, Six Tuomas Fue-mantiz, with the mantle—or in other | |

Page 40

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

A FORTUNATE ATTACHMENT. PHELIA, a young lady, has written to us in a deeply sen- timental strain, complainin of the reckless way in which | amo attachments are severed, and new ones formed, by the phs and pane Tiger, whose cyber — n so completely conker’d that he is havin’ e 0 rog wit the Swiss Shammy. On the left, the Great India Elephant is amusin’ his-self by feedin’ the Chinese Pig with gingerbread nuts. That large black-looking bird yonder is the Danish Raven; he has got a Turkey Pullet under bis wing. Yonder snug little friendly party is composed Ties . the Ruiner iron th Rew Worl god the Ranges fron the Haapoden To ey ‘re

judge by their actions, t in cheerful conversation, arter their fashion, amongst theirselves ; and there’s no doubt whatever but what they understands each other perfectly well. : _Eastwards in a elewated situation, we us, you view a Fenatic bird of the rapacious order, witch is the famous American id le, with a bag of breadstuffs in his claws, and a holive-branch , witch is the hemblems of that Peace and Plenty witch reigns the Members of this Happy and United Family. Walk in, walk in, ladies and gentlemen, and see the Happ in his and » fe | United Family of Ali Nations, under the immediate patronage of Hre unromantic interference of| Most Gracious Masesty and the Royal Famil the Foreign Office. She calls |’cept Sundays, from 10 till 7, admission one shillin Monda our attention to several para-| Wednesday, and Thursday; and announcements, | Saturday y. Open every day, | y, on y; half-a-crown on Friday; e bob, for them as wants to be genteel.” THE NOBLE MILLER; On, NOBODY MINDS H.B. Tere was a noble Miller, who With no one could agree; _ He mill’d and sang his whole life long, A slap-up Slasher he! And all the burden of his song Was, as they tell to me, Oh! I mind nobody, no, not I, For nobody minds H. B.! This Miller was a learned Peer ; Not many such have we; Full well he could ex und the law, And justice could decree ; But in a Mill was most at home, For then he’d sing with glee— Oh! I mind nobody, no, not I, For nobody minds H. B. ! “ Miller would with all set to, if One o matter their degree, is measures they presumed las thing wrong to see. man Co’ on He sang so bold and fee Oh! I mind nobody, no, not I, For nobody minds H. B.! He sometimes proved the’ better man, Sometimes the worse, a wee; But, worse or better, never once Was brought upon his knee; _ And still would sing, though in his ear He rather had a flea, Oh! I mind nobody, no, not I, For nobody minds H., B.! The Miller used, almost each night, To mill with one J. C. : Those mills have stopped, and no one knows The reason what can be. J. ©. is Lonp Curer Justice now; What ’s that ? says B. and V.: Oh! I mind nobody, no, not I, For nobody minds H. B.! When Truro trod spam his corns, — - grand ie +. he: e got the poor Lonp CHANCELLOR Himself in Chancery : And as he fibb’d him, still he sang, Amid the sport and spree, Oh! I mind nobody, no, not I, And nobody minds H. B. ! The Bottomless Safe. is one of the last contributions to the Exhibition; and has alpen e the » attention of thousands EA woes. The safe is ru upon s unerr w be th amount of a once ermine prec not a fething © oe matter to whomsoever it may rightfully belong—can be removed vithont the srnemt of him who has deposited it, Te was eare- inspected y ISHOPS OF DOS. DungaM, GLou fully pronounced to be perfect, Vitter by such etolore the uascription—. Tus already to call vethe Buhoe Own; with, this

No Money Returned.

Page 41

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Page 42

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Page 43

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Page 44

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Page 45

| or Dersy won’t speak out; and Mr. Disraewr has a great deal too | —but no less a subject demanding the co-operative attention of every man who would once i | visit to the City. Here are dress and head-dress : PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 41 ARISTOCRATIC SPORTS EXTRAORDINARY. HE Lornp CHuaMBERLAL, on the ocea- sion of Her Maszsty’s state visits to the Coosa, boo lately gone through his unique interesting feat of walking backwards, up-stairs and down-stairs, through the lobbies, and across the cor- ri holdmg in his hands—during the w time eceupied in the pe ir of massive silver icks. feat was got serenge a the usual clean and masterly style, the great admiration of all who wit- nessed it. The Chamberlain wert off ata ing pace, turning all! the cor- ners with his us adroitness, and taking the stairs as pleasantly as a regularly-trained hunter would take a hedge or a hurdie. We know of nothing eqval to this exploit since the splendi Judases of their country)—induce their gp Sovereign to bear upon her pageed head “ golden ot * wheat-ears ”"— (with oats and wheat at t by the Cabinet to a Veeding fond— Gee f “rents,”)—demands instant impeachment with that, in the good old times, followed on approved ‘ “* Poppies—golden oats and wheat-ears—with diamonds! ’ * No doubt Lory Joun—for he once try—thinks this as pretty and significant as the love-posies made in the Fast, by which girls talk through flowers. But, my Lord Duke, I tell you how the eountry—the wronged and outraged country—reads the Royal head- dress, which, like the Royal Speech, is not Her Masestr’s, but her Miister’s: it reads it thus :— “ * Poppres.’—Oblivion of the Agric interest, “*Gotpen Oats anp Waeat-Eags,” bread—gilt by the capital of the farmer. **Diamonps,’—The tears of— termination “ Your's, in ire and sorrow, * Prorgction.” = == THE SCHOOLMASTER’S BEST ASSISTANTS. achievement of the Chelsea Chicken, who ran a mile forwards, f-a-mile backwards, six yards on his hands, three furlongs in a sack, and an acre on stilts, picking up by the way six new-laid , a pound of cherries, placed fhres yards apart, and conelu- * ing by throwing three somer- —— ee saults over a clothes-basket. It will be observed, however, that the Chicken had nothing in his hand, and m comparing the feats above described, great allowance must be made for, and great weight attached to, the massive silver candlesticks. We must confess that these feats, however well adapted to such places as the Hippodrome, are in our opimion unsuited to the atmo- | sphere of a Court, and particularly a Court so distinguished as our own for good sense and feeling, as well as for the banishment of al! etiquette, save that which, without the humiliation of the subjeet, tends to the dignity of the Sovereign. An excellent proof of this good | sense, on the part of Royalty has just been shown in the expressed wish | of Hern Magesty, that the ceremony of presenting the Keys be | dispensed with on her entrance to the City. These now unmeaning focladias are well enough in a stage spectacle ; but the Queen naturally feels averse to taking a part in such an absurdity as the presentation | to her of a pair of property Gilt Keys, which fit no lock whatever. We hope to see, as a further proof of going forwards in the same direction, the necessity for the Lonp CHaMBERLAIN’s going backwards done away with very speedily. THE QUEEN’S HEAD-DRESS. To His Grace the Duke of Richmond, “My Lorp Doxg, “To you as the hope and pride of Protection—for the Bart much of what is called wit really to feel for anybody—to you, I address myself as a stanch Protectionist on a subject, delicate, | own see wheat at 70s. per quarter. I allude, my Lord Duke, to the head-dress worn by Hex Maszsty on her late | these are Light, Soap, and Water. insult offered | through such or SHAFTESBURY—pro- | Weak is the schoolmaster, without the aid of certain ushers; and | | moted to the House of Lords—takes with him his | and in their tatters they do him at least as mueh honour as his robes of rere one pao’ It is well when the Rak fee sae pe | leaves of the rag, rimer thus together. ws that | what the bay or ya atte af the Ragged eg hy child unlearns at | its Pigstye ome. In the houses of the poor, five or six families | degraded by the communion forced upon them; the child, fresh from | the Ragged School, where he has been made to con the theory of human decency, pemes at onee into the practice of human debasement. What ‘lessons of goodness have passed through his ears; and what sights of filth and abomination are nakedly ted to his eyes! Theory with its book, and Practice with its foul reality. What hope for the moeked and confounded pupil? Therefore, the noble Earl, confident im his pur- | Pose, moves the second reading of the Lodging-House Bill; and it is | read accordingly. | We may, therefore, hope that in due season—the sooner still the | better the ragged schoolmaster will be supported and assisted by } ushers heretofore almost unknown at the hearths of the veriest poor. | Light will be busy with its continued teaebing: and Soap and Water do their daily ministrations ; and that to the partial discomfiture, it is | to be hoped, of fifty-seven millions, at present triumphing through the land; and the more especially, pillaging the cupboards of the lowliest. Gin, Tobaceo, Beer, says Mu. Porter, give to the Exchequer an annual amount of fifty-seven millions of money! Now Light, Soap, and Water, arrayed against Gin and Tobacco, must have their victories They may not wholly defeat the forces of fire and smoke; but there jean be no doubt that, with fair play, they will quench much alcoholic flame, and clear into sunshine clouds of stupifying smother. We are to have Light for nothing. The fiat of the Exchequer has gone forth—“ Let the sun shine gratis.” And Water—almost cheap as Light—is promised to the people. Let the CuanceLion or THE ExcHEQueR in his next Budget complete that work of cleanliness, next attribute to holiness, and earn for himself an immortal statue. Not a thing of marble, brass, or bronze, but a statue—to be honoured in every household—a statue of Untaxed Soap! From such soap may be blown a bubble of reputation—a bubble that shall endure longer than granite. American BRifling. ‘' Her Masesty wore a white satin dress, embroidered in gold, trimmed with gold, | silver, and white satin ribands, and richly ornamented with diamonds. The head-| dress was composed of poppies, golden oats and wheat-ears, ornamented with diamonds.’ | “The Queen—Heaven bless her!—can do no wrong. But inas- much as the Majesty of England is considered constitutionally infallible, so is an English Ministry held jarly accountable for the nominal acts of the Sovereign. Therefore, the coustry—which is the landed | interest, at once the heart and backbone of the nation—the country expects of your Grace an immediate impeachment of the Ministry for | the insult insidiously offered to the Agricultural interest in the QueEn’s | head-dress ; for the cruel jest of which our Royal Mistress was aiaad | the innocent and unconseious expression ngt ness. This was bad enough, but when an unprincipled Ministry—(the| “Your Grace is aware that that glass bubble blown in Hyde Park— | ({ understand it is to be kept up as a garden to grow nutmegs, ginger, | and cinnamon at half-price, so let the grocers look to it)—was blown in honour of Free Trade; that the dinner, or supper, or whatever it was, spread by the Lory Mayor, was in glorification of that unrighteous principle which, in this present month of July, has made England throughout the h, breadth and depth of the Led a howling wilder- | — Aw ingenious correspondent in Noles and Queries, asks— “Ie there any one use for which an American rife is to be preferred to an | English one?” Punch makes answer for bis pleasant and useful contemporary, and answers “Yes.” Since the decision of Loup Camrseit, who, very properly, wil! not suffer foreiqn visitors to be Bohuned, cost free,—the American rifle is superior to the British one; inasmuch as, m the hands of the Yankee bookseller, it inevitably brings down the Knglish author. Plax v. Hemp. Oxz of the transparencies exhibited in Cheapside on the occasion of the Quzzn’s visit to the City represented a crop of flax, with the inseription, “Plax the Remedy of Ireland’s Distress.” It is to be hoped thet this plant will prove more efficacious than a kindred one has been found im the treatment of Irish disorders. in “ the land of misrule and half hanging and flame,” hemp has been abundantly tried without suceess. There is promise in flax of answering considerably better than hemp.

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PUNCH’S BULL AND INDULGENCES, Puncu, LXXXV, Freer Srazer. From the first moment when we started in Wellington Street, Waterloo Bridge, and afterwards, when we removed to the Strand | opposite to St. Ciement’s Church, after that, also, when, for the better | regulation of the affairs of the world, and especially of the City of | London, we fixed our seat at 85, Fleet Street, and from that blessed | and ever-memorable period until now, we have not ceased to devote | ourselves, with all the anxiety of our paternal heart, to the emancipation of opinion, the promotion of civil and religious liberty, and the diffusion of useful knowledge, as well in foreign countries as at home. For not only did we, in verse and in prose, and by large or small woodcuts, always, as occasion required, expose the erroneous designs but we never hesitated to assail, both with pen and with pencil, foreign Potentates, whenever they were guilty of tyrannous or unjust conduct towards their own subjects. We have, indeed, nothing so much at heart as the progress of mankind in morality and true knowledge : in which two things, the happiness of an intelligent being chiefly consists. Both the experience of ages, and the opinions of the wisest men, attest the truth that there is no greater auxiliary to the inculeation of virtuous | precepts, than instruction in the laws which govern the system of nature, whereby it is rende manifest, even to most obtuse understanding, that what is a man’s duty, that, likewise, is his interest. To disseminate this so-much-to-be-desired information, we are con- vineed, by the undeniable evidence of a multitude of facts, that Mechanics’ Institutes contribute in no small measure. Seeing this, and internally groaning, and sighing, and grunting, in the most vehe- ment manner, to behold the deplorabl pmo Fy benighted, and bestial state of Italy, and apenaty of Rome, whose inhabitants, | in as far as concerns natural and political science, are for the most | part overspread with Cimmerian darkness, we, in the plenitude | of the license which we have assumed to interfere with other) people’s business, have determined, on mature reflection, and after | many grave consultations with our Dog Jody, to decree the esta-| blishment of a M ics’ Institute in a ituation, i

of our own Ministers, | Pp their conversion to tle sublime principles of Newrowy, and the wise and reasonable views of Jeremy Bewraam; nor do we doubt that the great truths of Apam Sarrtu, if only due diligence shall have been used in their propagation, will in no long time be received beyond the Alps. In honour of the principal founder of modern philosophy, we ordain that the new institution to be founded at Rome shall be called the Baconian Mechanics’ Institute ; and that it may be the more thoroughly actuated by the British spirit, we have settled that its Professors and Lecturers shall be all Englishmen, and selected from among graduates of the University of London, distinguished for their attainments in physical science, and remarkable for the liberality of their opinions in politics and matters of faith. By these means, we confidently trust that not only will the dark clouds of superstition which have so long overshadowed the country of Italy he speedily dissi- ed, but also that the Italians, imbibing English ideas, will m the end submit themselves entirely to the salutary influence and | control of England. As nothing in this world can be done without a certain amount of money, and the execution of the proposed laudable project will cost above six thousand pounds, we have thought fit to appeal, hereby, to the benevolence and omen of English- men, aud especially of those sojourning at Rome, and to exhort them to contribute, according to their ability, to this glorious and patriotic undertaking. And the more to stimulate the generosity of the affluent to aid, with their pecuniary assistance, so desirable a scheme, we have determined to unlock our aérial treasury, and accord to the bountiful who shall have subscribed towards the end in view, the following indulgences. We grant indulgence in a box at the Opera to any one, on condition that he will stand on one leg and repeat Chrononhoton- thologos three times, and Heautontimorumenos twice. We grant an indulgence in a glass of brandy-and-water and a cigar every evening to every one whose health shall permit him to enjoy it. And we grant an indulgence in a hearty laugh to anybody who shall read his Horuvess THE Born’s last Bull. Given at our in the Cpe oe Volume, and the Five Hundred and Twenty-third Number of our Periodical. (Signed) PUNCH. Dick, Nuncio in Ordimary to the Office. Tom, Legate a /adere to the Contributors and Artists. (Countersigned)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 7 ———————— HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. Nosopy has a right to a “ coat” who has never had a grant of one: but many assume raped 2, on credit, or get credit for them, we should say, on very questionable grounds. When you marry an heiress, you quarter the arms of her house— | when she has money, you quarter yourell j in her house, likewise. Various ugly animals are borne in Heraldry, as they are borne with i in society—conventionally. For instance, a man may carry a “ boar” about | with him, 4 then he isa Fecal boar wir or - a boar with money ; or r; or “in chief,” a we to-do eminent boar He bears ee lion ” in his field (or garden) but the “lion,” besides joey a joc ah one, is usually a salient, or leaping- up-in-the-world lion, and displays conspicuously a dezrter (that is to say, dexterous) paw, or is couchant (snugly placed), or gardant, taking care of himself, or otherwise ia a very * position.” In Heraldry, as in life, everything depends on a defined position. Every | “creature” is known y that; and, except in defined ition, not | known or borne by anybody at all. A few years ago, as we all remember, the Stag was seen everywhere—in very good coats indeed. The stag trippant went about very gaily; the stag “displayed,” most houses patronised: soon afterwards, however, the stag lost his conventional position—and was ruined. Astag pauperised i is not known in Heraldry ! e in parts, are used a good deal in Heraldry: thus a lion’s a | ag oly claw, may stand sof power. by t emselves—the otal ies in their being the the wer. So in society, one is tolerated for his satire; another for his Bay Be careful to gy in describing “ creatures,” their attitudes. Thus a bird volant, , looking towards you. For example—if pace aeell see a py regardant, take very good care to be rolant directly ! “ Differences” in Heraldry, like differences in life, have their origin in family matters. A difference is worn by a son to show his numerical order in the family. Thus, a third son wears a “mollet” for his difference ; though many a younger son in life finds that a difference leads to his having no mollet, mullet, or other fish, at all accessible. HOHENLONDON : The result of an Awful Engagement on the part of Her Masesry fo honour the City Ball with her presence. Iw London, when folks’ taste was low, They used to like the Lorp Mayor’s Show ; But now ’tis voted very slow— A dull affair, decidedly. But London show’d another sight, When the Queen came on Wednesday night, Escorted, through a blaze of light, To join the City revelry. , | THe Pore ma | improvements o very heart of England— of the English Church. enrolled at eo —s) yet the ee Lo gos . To Guildhall, t —— a To see her hosts dance heavily. The concourse thickens! Heroes brave, Who flash the bull’s eye on the knave, Wave, Crushers, all your truncheons wa And charge them with the roen ~H The Hall is gained ; but, lo! what fun! As to a ball, the Sovereicn ’s done! Except her suite, there’s room for none o dance before Hern Masesrv. Few, few can polk where many meet, And have no space to kick their feet ; The Hop a failure was, complete ; The Supper went off decently. THE POPE’S ARMY. the same; for the Porz y an an army hting i in the cause of Fag tot English Bishop but is —— langh at Lorn Jonw’s Bill, and at the Tuxsicrn ting in the confusion his own banker’s—in the Porwr's service. Searcel if wae A ff At every window, smart arra: Sat Civie lass and Cockney 3 And all the populace hoorayed To see the Royal pageantry. Then shook St. Paul’s, with Sealing riven ; Then rush’d the steeds, up Cheapside driven ; 7 And still more stunning were given , By noisy ‘Brith loyalty. English Bishop who does not—it may be unconsciously—bring hee | sands of mercenaries in aid of what he loves to denounce as the Scarlet | Harlot. And nevertheless he does her service, blindly battling for her abominations. Here is one Bishop—let him wear the mitre whom the mitre fits—one Prince of the Protestant Church; a Prince professing | | the meekness and self-denial of the Christian state, who, in the course | of fourteen years, has received no less than £79,639 19s. 84d. over his | salary ; such annual salary—for the purchase of camel’ 8 hair, locusts, and | wild honey—being only eight thousand pounds per annum ! With the Pore invading us—invading and proselytizing—do not the | very Bishops fight for him? Unconsciously, no doubt: nevertheless, every pound so retained by a Bishop is a mercenary on the side of his | Holiness. And this admitted, at this hour Porg Pius rae Nuwrm has an army of hundreds of thousands fighting for him—actively battling — although locked up in the coffers of Protestant Bishops. We would advise them, with all speed, to disband such unhallowed forces.

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PUNCH, OR TH THE ROTTEN EGG THROWERS. uneny there must be something very rotten, besides rotten eggs, in the atate of the army, when we find it disgraced by such affairs as have recently happened. Some persons, calling themselves “ officers and gentlemen,” —though the term “ an officer and a gentle- man” will soon fall into ridicule, or disuse, if matters go on as they have done—are on the point of being made to pay the penalty of their cowardice and blackguardism in the shape of a sound thrashing, about to be administered by some of those who had been assailed, when there is a geceral cry of “Craven;” and happening to recognise a respectable London tradesman, they take advantage of his knowledge of them to éntreat his protection, in saving them from the just, but about to beeome illegal, indignation of the public. The respectable tradesman, whose word had weight with all who knew him, and who, luckily for thé trembling “officers and gentlemen,” was known to some of the by-standers, consented to pass his word for the appearance of the “ officers and gentlémen,” who had pledged their words to him ; and they were then permitted to sneak away, or get away as they could, without any retaliatory violenee having been inflicted upon them. Having got out of their dangér, the “ officers and gentlemen” slip far more easily out of their promise, and though they had pledged their honour to Mr. Peat, they have left, until this day, the worthless article, like an unredeemed pledge, on the hands of that gentleman. — Round robs have, it is said, been signed and addressed to the colonels of certain regiments, declaring the determination of the “officers and gentlemen” not to deal with Ma. Peat for saddlery, | because, when called upon to answer in a court of justice, he most properly, and, indeed, unavoidably, put the saddle on the right horse, or, taking a more charitable view of the juvenile egg-thrower, let us say, the right donkey. Now we do not for one moment entertain the idea that the colonels, or the Commander-in-chief, would permit a piece of black- guardism on a race-day to be consummated by a piece of dastardly malignity, which, in these days, at least, would be happily without a parallel, | Mr. Peat has acted straightforwardly towards the public, and kindly | and considerately towards the egg-throwing “ officers and gentlemen,” whom he might, if he had chosen, have left to be dealt with by the excited numbers who had beén outraged by their disgusting violence. It is true that the police would have protected them, but it could only have been by their removal to the station-house, involving the | certainty of their appearance to answer those complaints for meeting which, as their “ honour” only is pledged, they evince no readiness. Fortunately for the “officers and gentlemen” involved in the egg- throwing nastiness, the days of barbarism are quite gone by, and such practices as these can exist only among a limited number of “gents” of their own mental and moral calibre. If it were not for this happy fact, we know of no offence that would so richly deserve the “x /alionis of the pillory. the stain of these eggs will, we feat, stick to the army, if the delinquents are not discovered and repudiated by the general y—to whet we are disposed to give the credit of being all that they ought to be, REPEAL OF WINTER IN HYDE PARK. Tue folks of Marylebone have been, as a body, the first to declare in favour of a total repeal of the fogs, sleet, snow, and wind, of an English winter; Ma, Paxton having guaranteed the absence of the terrible old | tyrant trom, at least, eighteen acres of Hyde Park; where Eden may be raised under the Crystal Palace, and kept in perennial bloom. The|by printing the following earnest letter received from | City of London is expeeted very soon to speak upon the matter. The civie taste for exotic turtle will—who can doubt it?—declare for congenial orange-groves, and for other lemons than those to be found | in winter-time in certain mouths in the larders of certain taverns. No FE LONDON CHARIVARI THE COSMOPOLITAN BEFORE AND AFTER THE EXHIBITION. “Dear Mu. Poncu, “| like the Great Exhibition very much; there are some things im it that are really beautiful; and if you would confine your remarks to them, I shouldn’t mind. But I wish you and others would not go on so about its leading to universal brotherhood, and all that kind of thing. I am afraid it is the papers, particularly you, that have | put such stupid ideas into Ma. Veat’s h He was a a: what he | calls a cosmopollytan; and now, from continually reading about peace and friendship with all mankind, and cultivating good feeling between ourselves and foreigners, he has become a regular Potty. Before the Exhibition he end shave nicely, wear a proper hat, and dress in a leoat, waistcoat, &c., like any other person in the middle station of life; | |had his meals regularly every day, and enjoyed a good plain dinner: he was moderately fond of company, and we had a few friends that we | were very intimate with to come and dine with us, and so on, now and then, “He sometimes, but very rarely, would smoke a cigar, when I had ino objection, just by way of a treat. Sinee the Exhibition he bas taken regularly to that dirty habit, and now does nothing bat smoke, smoke ifrom morning to night. He has let his beard grow as long as an old clothesman’s, and his moustaches too, which is particularly unpleasant ; jand, to make himself look as much a fright as possible, he has his hair cropped quite close to his head, like a prisoner, and is altogether such jan Chcet that I am really quite ashamed of him. He has had his coat | and waistcoat made to fit quite tight, which does not become him at | all, being stout, and his other things with pleats at the hips, and | pockets, like a sawney’s, half-way down: and he goes about with his | | hands in them, and a cigar iu his mouth. Instead of a decent, respectable jhat, he wears a thing like a flower-pot, the colour of soot; it looks | really dirty: and, I must say, he does ot ee that attention to his | hands that he used to do. He has left off Welli ns, and taken to Jane boots with little leather tips, and gloves the colour of gingerbread. He can’t be contented now with his plain joint, but wants this and that 4 Ja—I don’t know what ; and, because he cannot have it always at home, goes every other day, almost, to what he calls a ‘ restarong’s.’ “To see how his ¢aste has altered at times makes me very unha when I ¢hink upon it. When he does come home to dine, he joonan. brings two or three of those foreigners with him that he has picked up | at that Exhibition, where he has learned to copy from them. He calls | this cementing the bonds of universal brotherhood ;—it will come to | universal sisterhood next, I suppose; but ¢ha¢ I never will stand, I am determined. After they are gone, I always sprinkle the floors with | vinegar, and I am thankful to say that we have caught nothing yet, and —that I will admit—they have not taken anything. He calls me now ‘mon amie,’ instead of Saucy, as he used; but he does not pay me | 4alf so much attention, and is so taken u with the whole human | family, as he terms it, that he seems quite indifferent to his own. Dear | | Mr. Punch, in your observations about the Exhibition, pray say no | |more of universal brotherhood, but direet the attention of husbands to the manufactures of domestic utility which are to be seen there, and |tell them that family affection should begin at home—and if you will add that it ought to end there, I own you will express the sentiments of your attached Friend and Admirer, “Sapam Vea.” | A Sentiment Pro Bono Publico. May the monopolist Gas Companies have ali their pipes put out, and j}may the dealers in impure water follow the course of the element in which they deal, and speedily find their level. | — _ | TO CORRESPONDENTS. | Punca cannot better “do justice and the thing that’s right, than i “THe 108 Srreet ORDERLIES WORKING IN THe City.” “ To the Editor of ' Punch. | “ Sta,—We have seen with surprize and pain > have thought proper to speak of us as if we are bad characters. You say in Punch, of the 12th, page 29, the ‘ Commissioners | tume is to be lost; for we understand that Cotonen StsrHore is about | of Sewers object to have the City cleaned by Street-Orderlies, on account of the CLASS to present a petition declaratory of the vested rights of an English | %° | in winter, as shown, time out of mind, in coughs, colds, blue noses, chilblais, and chapped fingers. A TIMELY CONUNDRUM, Wnury do Bishops make the best sailors >— Because,—however vexed their see, they give up nothing. Sorer’s Feasts.—M. Sorer advertises his suppers of the Aradian Nights. And folks do begin to talk of the cook’s ecide Feasts. We believe you to be too good-hamoured to be cruel—too manly, do a wroug to a Poor Man. We are sure you have written this attack on our character a hurry, and without thinking. You never could intend for to desire to spread abroad, and to encourage any thoughtless or wanton attacks on the Working Classes. A character for Honesty is our only Stock in Trade. Rob us of this, you rob us of our | Bread. Mark the Thief and the Rogue with the brand of infamy, if you like; but spare the honest man struggling with adversity. Our Enemies are many, but we can’t believe you are one of them. We are sure you will be sorry at what you have done. You could not have really meant to injare us, nor hurt our feelings. We send you the account im the Papers of our Complaint to the Loup Mayor against being called * Questionable Characters and house-trespassers, and other vile names. We are sure you will do us justice, and the thing that’s right, so leave the matter in your hands. “ From the 108 Street Orderlies working in the City.” which they belong.’ “ Taz Corvee Hovss, Cannon Street, City. “ July 11, 1851.”

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at | he id in n | \S is A glance shows the st r that he is not in presence of the veritable British Consul ; for the cry for cheapness and its conventional companion has not yet led to the necessity for reducing the re sentative of the Government to the sort of article we have described. Taking one from a number of documents in blank, but already bearing the official signature which is to give it its validity, and is the guarantee to the French Government that the bearer of the passport is j entitled to aid and protection, the individual in the immovable cloth Te off a slice, and pushing it towards the stranger, exclaims— |“* Write your name there.” The ceremony is performed. The stranger | writes his own name, if convenient, or abel else’s name, if he pre- fers it. The name given is inserted in the passport, which is handed over, with a demand for 5 frances, 14 sous. The printed form provides for certain particulars, as to hair, whiskers, | eyes, and nose, the description of which used to be thought a complete | precaution oat fraud ; but since hair-dye has enabled every swindler to travel under false colours, the colour usually devoted to the éai//e, nez, front, bouche, visaye, cheveur, &c., is left in a state of blank ambiguity. | It is difficult for the stranger to resist an exclamation of, “ What a | farce this is!” Upon which the deputy deputy-representative of the | | British Government will probably observe, with a sudden sense of the | dignity of his occupation, “Ob, no! it’s very necessary; the roads | wouldn’t be safe without it. There’d be all sorts of characters going | about.” It is probable the stranger will not argue the question with the man in the immovable cloth cap; but it will not require much con- sideration to arrive at the conclusion, that a port, signed in blank, to be delivered by an underling to anybody who chooses to give a name, and 4s. 6d., cannot protect the roads from any bad characters whatever. We do not join to the full extent with the economists in erying out for the curtailment of useful expenditure, but we do object to the system of eking out the pay of a Consul by imposing a fee of 4s. 6d. }on such a miserable mockery as the obtaining a passport at Boulogne. We do not say that the British Consul is, or is not, overpaid; but we | do say, that it ought not to be necessary to keep on foot the wretched | one-pair frent over the fish-stalls at the Saucepan-ery, Pot-ery, &c., &c., | for the purpose of getting the four-and-sixpences out of the pockets of Angelina (the Wife of his Bussum). “West, Eowrs, w You can’t wane | the British pone to Paris. If the Consuls are to be paid, or rue * Turnes, as vou cate Tamm, Mezt, You xeep wot Swear so. Ir ‘| partially paid, by a tax on travellers, it might be all fair enough; but | e PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 45 | } Restty eorts Dasseves!* t the tax be claimed in a straightforward manner, and not in the name of as gross a piece of humbug as ever was gone through in the name of constituted authority. One of Lorp Patmerston’s reasons for paying a sufficient sum for the diplomatic service, is the necessity for hospitality to Englishmen A VISIT TO THE BRITISH CONSUL'S jabroad; but the arrangements at the consular establishment on the AT BOULOGNE. | Boulogne port, with its two rush-bottomed chairs and little deal table, (From our own Correspondent.) |are anything but hospitable in their external character. We must do | the a the justice to py. that the = a ae . a | Bax. distant and inconvenient part of the town is sufficiently imposing for a ae ph yin og ty toe a the Indge by pr teary consular residence ; but to the traveller who sees nothing of the repre- British ie ox the port. The localit eam tee an air of | @tative of the British Government beyond what he finds at the | extreme cheapness, for it is ked by the fish market on one side, and| Tin-ery, Saucepan-ery, and Pot-ery over the fish-stalls and the fly-stand he hackney. come chan’ on the Fhe on thet Hho Consular extablich will feel that the dignity of the crown, descending through several nent i woin eorahot of the language of the poissardes we — to the immovable cloth cap on the head of a not very distingué quarrels of the fly-drivers, besides being within nose-shot of the articles individual in less than demi-toilette, is rather poorly provided for. in which the former individuals deal. The establishment itself is upon a eee scale which would afford the utmost delight to the lover of retrenchment, Tue demand for economy in our diplomatic establishments has been | though the concern is not of a nature to set the British bosom bound- ’ , ing with national pride. At small house, inscribed with the words CAMPBELL’S PLEASURES OF HOPE. Ferblanterie, Chaudronnerie, Poélerie, Plomberie, or, in plain English, (Rendered into Prose for the Eahibition.) Tin-ery, Saucepan-ery, Pot-ery, and Lead-ery, the British Consulate , , oecupies a room, which cannot be entered boldly from the front, but is} Tuat the constitution of the Crystal Palace is much too light ever accessible only by going “ round the corner,” where may be found the | to last! Consul’s bell. That it has not a frame that is not completely shattered ! _ On opening the door, the traveller seeking “aid and protection,”| That it has fresh panes breaking out every ing be ; in the name of Her Masesry, finds himself in a dark entry, when| That the air of Hyde Park is not sufficiently bracing for the girders ! the noise he makes in tumbling about the passage will elicit a femelle} That the body of the building is as delicate as that of a fashionable ery of “ Walk up,” if his _ of distress oe to be heard. | young lady at the end of the season! . The would-be protégée of the British Government having groped his| That one season, in fact, has regularly knocked it up! way up @ narrow staircase, with a sharp turn in the middle, comes face! That, above all, the building is much too beautiful—far too clever— to face with a female, to whom the noise of the tumbling about serves | ever to live long! ‘ as a convenient summons, and who desires him to “ Walk in there.”| ‘That the idea of turning it into a Winter Garden is a tremendous lhe traveller obeys the order, and enters an apartment sufficiently light | Plant that never can flourish ! ; to show him that he has carried away a considerabie quantity of white-| That a Winter Garden will hey rheumatisms, coughs, and agues, wash from the staircase wall of the establishment on his clothes. He is| and can be nothing more than a huge hot-house for consumption! _ now in the office of the Consulate, the furniture of which consists of| That unless young ladies are dressed in Divers’ costumes of oil-skin two rush-bottomed chairs, a very small deal table, and a sort of deal| or tarpawling, they will be infallibly drenched to the skin—as has been box, elevated upon four articles resembling broom-handles, which serves | painfully proved to be the case with all the young ladies who frequent for the official desk. | the Jardin d’ Hiver at Paris—every one of whom has died in consequence. The British traveller waiis with due respect for the entrance of the| That, in order to prove the idea “ will not hold water for a minute,” British Consul—the representative of the British Government, acting it is highly necessary to pick as many holes in it as possible—for it in the name of Her Masesty—when in runs an individual whose is very clear that it the holes are only large enough, the rain will tctlette is anything but soignée, and who wears a cloth cap, which is|come through, and by that means the concern may be eventually probably glued, gummed, or otherwise fastened on to his head, and | swamped altogether ! : exclaims—“ Want a passport? Sit down here.” That, moreover, and especially, and above all, a Winter Garden VOL. XX". 6k + mn ee ms eae by eve ek cepa a ee ee em tase ro ere Sal i ae

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46 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL would te a summary nuisance to Stratheden House, in which I live, | and one or two houses opposite, who do not want it at all, and think it a bore, which, in the wae of a celebrated Alderman, whose opinion, I rejoice to say, agrees with mine on this glass case, ought to be “ put down;” and f expect the moment it is stirred up, that it will fall to the ground, as flat as an omelette souffiée; and I hope, with the generous aid of Sin Peter Lavatr, never to be at aloss for a Spoon to stir it! And these are Camrvetw’s “ Pieasunes oy Hore”!!! | THE GREAT DOWAGER QUESTION.—THE WINTER GARDEN. Lars Jouw Camppett has made a speech and presented a petition against the Crystal Palace as a Crystal Winter Garden. Plain Joun Campsert—(alter his speech on the occasion, we should rather call him high!y-coloured Joun)—assured the House of Lords that the proposed garden was objected to, not only by the DowaGcer Countess or CLAREN- pow, but by—the sister of Lorp Avucxianp! Great are Dowagers and mighty the sisters of departe AUCKLANDs! But there is more than this. The Winter Garden was not ap- proved of by—“ Mr. Justice CresswELL, a lawyer, a scholar, and a gentleman !” The Dowager smites the Crystal Palace with her fan; the lawyer, scholar, and gentleman hurls his wig at it, and it is vanished— gone like an exhalation! Tremen- dous in its crushing effect is that triplicity, “lawyer, scholar, and gentleman !” Once upon atime there was a conduit of sweet, crystalline water, that gave health and com- fort to a certain quarter of an Eastern city. And suddenly, the conduit ceased to run; and men were begrimed and athirst. And after a despairing time, there was long and diligent search | made for the cause that had! stopped that flowing water; and | the cause was discovered to be an| old slipper, the cast-off property of neither lawyer, scholar, nor gen- tleman, but of an old muckworm, choking the main-pipe of the conduit. Ob, people of England! shall a Dowager’s fan—shall the wig of lawyer, scholar, and gentleman, be permitted to choke up and destroy your expectations of your Crystal Winter Garden ? TO BISHOPS OF NEGLECTED EDUCATION, Cocker, THE YouNGER, having opened a School of Arithmetic, in the neighbourhood of Fulham, begs respectfully to address himself to the Parents and Guardians of those Bishops whose apparent ignorance of | the First Principles of Arithmetic imparts to them a character of child- like simplicity, in beautiful harmony with their mission, though—such is the condition of a corrupt society—susceptible of the worst misre- presentation by unscrupulous and unchristian men. Cocker, Tue YounGer, is a lineal descendant of tde Cocker, whose | name is immortalised in the hundreds of thousands of ledgers of this great commercial and great shop-keeping nation. Therefore, it is with | a pardonable confidence, that—seeing the lamentable arithmetical mis- takes committed for a series of years by certain dignitaries of the Established Chureh—Cocker, THe YOUNGER, proposes to himself the task of their Guide, Aceountant, and Friend. Extremes meet: an ignorance of arithmetic may be alike a distin- guishing defect in the most benighted and savage as in the most pious | and simple-minded of men. It is well known that whole nations exist, continual contemplation and performance of their divine mission and | duties, that they are altogether at sea (or as it Is sometimes spelt, see,) in a matter of worldly figures. In the Romish Church, penance and flagellation are often matters of wholesome self-discipline ; and the Pro- testant Bishop is not without his whip of thongs. Here it is:— Multiplication is Vexation, Division is as bad ; The Rule of Three doth Puzzle me, And Practice drives me mad.” Cockzr, THe YouNGER, ventures to analyze the emotions of a Bishop of neglected Education, his brain ever haunted by this jingle; even as we know a jig tune will, at times, possess itself of us whether we will or not. “ Multiplication is Vexation.” This truth the Bishop of some £30,000 per annum of accruing leases acknowledges, with a groan that must tear the very Sanctuary of lis heart. Vexation, indeed, im banked and hoarded treasures, which his very simplicity permits hum not to count! “ Division is as bed.” Quite as bad—er worse; and so the Unedmented Bishop cannot | bear to think of it. “ The Rule of Three doth Pugale me.” The Rule of Number One being the rule predominant im Episeopal | innocenee, “ And Practice drives me mad.” |. Of course; and is therefore to be avoided, even as a rabid dog. For, imagine a Bishop of £30,000 bitten by the Practice of Division! In his insanity he might shower about him all the results of his Multiplica- | tion! What a deluge of Loaves and Fishes! In conclusion, Cocker, rue Younes, in dedicating himself to the service and improvement of Bishops of Neglected Education, and con- sequently in Embarrassed Circumstanees—for their arithmetical mis- takes have not tended to strengthen their credit with the country at large—pledges himself to enable any pupil, in only three lessons, to strike a just balance between his own allowed ineome (according to the Ecclesiastical Commission,) and the sum due to the Commissioners. Cocker, THE Youncer, begs to assure all Parents and Guardians of Bishops—for, considering Episcopal innocence in the ways of arithmetic, he cannot look upon Bishops but as babes and sucklings—that every |attention will be given to their morals; especially to that morality which is intimately connected with a just rendering of accounts. Cocker, THE YOUNGER, proposes an early examination of his Pupils, whom—he pledges himself to this—he undertakes to prepare for the most satisfactory solution of the most difficult questions. (Mr. Hors- MAN is invited to attend Address, for terms, to Cocker, tas Younczr, Bishop’s Walk, Fulham. INCIDENTS OF THE LAST WEEK AT THE EXHIBITION, CarpinaL Wiseman, much interested at the Statues in the Milan Sculpture Room. He is evidently much rejoiced, as a clergyman, to see that so many lay figures have taken the veil. WippIcoms, very indignant at the Statue of Mazeppa, more especially at the figures holding the horse. The noble Hero of a Thousand and One Fights was heard to remark, that “Supers like those wouldn’t fetch sixpence a night at Astley’s!” Extreme simplicity of an Elderly Lady, who, when she arrived at the United States, inquired “where she should see the American Sea- Serpent?” A mad wag, humouring the notion, pointed to a pile of India-ruljber. Great consternation caused by Mazzrs1’s card being found on | Rapetsr1’s Statue. : Wonderful liberality of a white-headed old gentleman, who carried a couple of gold fish ina small bowl, and dropt them in the Crystal Foun- tain. He is afterwards waited upon by a gentleman from Messrs. Spicer anp Clowes, “for the kind favour of his name, in order that it might be inserted in the future editions of the Catalogue.” Two Ladies, calling for a Shilling and a Sixpenny Ice, are much sur- prised to find that they are exactly the same size. No little merriment created by a gentleman out-of-elbows (supposed to be a ruined suitor) going up to Lonps Expow and Srows 1, and asking them for their signatures to a petition for Chancery Reform. Infamous practical joke of a fast young man, who places on the Refreshment-table, in the midst of all the tarts and pork-pies, a large inseription, purioined from some other part of the Exhibition, and the face of which is only displayed towards the customers. Explosive rage of Ma. YounenusBanp, who, when he turns the imseription round, incapable of counting more than ten; that ray d higher number is ex- | after the lapse of an hour—during which not even a penny bun had been e pressed by a hopeless appeal to the hair of their heads. In like manner, purchased—reads, that “ VisiroRs ARE PARTICULABLY REQUESTED NOT it has been proved that men may become so rapt and sublimated by the| To ToucH ANY OF THE ARTICLES.” ae ee ee a ae a a ee a a

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 47 | JONNUBIAL QUERY. $ awoman, Mr. Punch, I should | hope that I am a_ constant reader of what I consider to be the most interesting part of the newspaper; need I allude to the Births— Marriages—and | ? s| “Well, Mr. Punch, T now} constant] y see the names of the | c en, who tie the holy) together with the names —= Other members of the same family, of prodigious bulk, were stuffing | themselves, and at the same time groaning =alsenain as if for very | hunger, both as loud as they were able. In short, they were enjoying their agricultural dinner. To complete the parallel, they were evidently neither starving, nor likely to starve; and in the determination— | amounting, perhaps, to obstinacy—so strongly displayed, both in their utterance and their features, there was a correspondence to a quality which, doubtless, will bear another description of grumblers through their difficulties. But did Mr. Punch observe no animals like himself? Suffolk Punches. There is one thing which is a certain promise of prosperity to the Agricultural Society. Its exhibitors are terribly in earnest. A number of gentlemen had gathered round an enormous bullock, and were Fle saw the of other clergymen, who are} S@uging its huge dimensions with their walking-sticks, This was done said to “ assist’ at that blessed jas seriously as if they had been pagan priests, consulting over a victim “Now, Mr. Punch, this brings me to what I took up my pen for,—which is this. When I was married to Sra- cox — (for I don’t hesitate, why should I? to give my name)—I needn’t say how many years ago, we were married by only one clergyman, not “assisted” at all by any other clergyman soever, and we have both of us—at least I wi// answer for my- self—considered that knot as binding. Still, when I see every day that it now takes two clerzymen to perform 1oly matrimony, where before one was considered quite enough,—lI can- ; not but express my fears, that as 3 only one parson tied me and Simcox, ; Aa, the knot may not be considered ' — _ } quite so strong as when tied bya cout i 7 + couple. Are we, then, to consider ar PB 2 that with only one clergyman the . -_ tie is single, but with two, the tie’s all the stronger, as it then Yours, a little nervous, ey 1) aah becomes a double knot ? Cupid Cottage. “Puma Sruvox.” “ P.S.—I know you ’ve interest with him. Oould-you get the Bisnor | or Exerer to give us his opinion on the subject ?” PUNCH AMONG THE PENS. | ‘Tar Show-yard of the Royal Agricultural Society, in Windsor Home | Park, afforded Mr. Punch much food for contemplation in the beef, mutton, and perk, which he there beheld, all alive and lowing, bleating, | squeaking, and grunting. . To diseuss the a of — = ae and Short- horns, is peculiarly within the province of those whose talk is of oxen —and therefore quite out of that of Mr. Punch. Soft-horns are the only cattle on which he can expect that his observations would meet with much attention. ; There was o e point, however, about the prize pigs and buils, and, | indeed, the swine and animals generally, of which Mr. will venture to express his admiration. One human beme, by the long- continued habit of gazing on the countenance of another, sometimes | comes at last, it has been observed, to acquire that other’s expression. and the buils—the fact was striking!y obvic well as in their forms and contours, a wonderful | style of generally characteristic of | ing the farmers, or the farmers | that an unpersuadable and a negation of fancy, the exact of an aspeet often observable among the British yeomanry. The same traits were exhibited by the'pigs, and were accompanied in them by an appearance of distress and discomfort, the result, indeed, of a plethoric habit, but evincing a sense of suffermg under persecution and wrong. This sentiment was further expressed by a continual grunting and squeaking in tones of angry complaint and indignation ; which by no means lessened the similitude. One great hog was making so frightful a noise, that it might have been supposed that he was being scalded alive: but he had stuffed his head into some litter, out of the way of the sun, that he might go to sleep; and the uproar he was making was oceasioned by the attempt of a spectator to get him on his legs. He seemed to have settled it that he was down, and could never rise again, alid to be exasperated by the attempt to convince him to the contrary. | fluous exclamation | intended for sacrifice; nay, more so; for their looks betokened a reve- ‘rence for the object of their attention, which would not have been shown by the heathen clergymen. Some labourers, leaning against a neighbouring rail, and looking on, behaved with equal decorum. One of them only cried out, “ Hailoa, Morncin!” to which Moret replied with an inarticulate noise and a grin; and this was the only approach to levity made by any of the party. Several Frenchmen were present, exclaiming loudly with admiration, and declaring they had never seen such beasts in their iife—as the cattle, they meant, of course. Not a few fair damsels were also there, and Mr. Punch saw some of them patting the pigs in a most affectionate manner; insomuch, that he could almost have wished to be a pig himself. How delighted must Coppett have been, if looking on im spirit, to see these sensible girls improving their minds and exercising their limbs at a cattle-show, instead of crawling about a fancy fair! The solid nature of the | refreshments provided for the visitors, consisting chiefly of pork-pies ) and beer, instead of your wafers and ices, must also have gratified the shade of that lover of the substantial. By the pounce of the agriculturists at the refreshment-shed, | as well as by their bodily condition, Punch was delighted to see that, ! | notwithstanding Free Trade, they are as great in consumption as in , production, THE LIBERTY OF THE STAGE AT BERLIN. Prvssta would ve justified in looking its Prussian-bluest at the atrangements recently made for the theatres of Berlin. It is fortunate for us that our actors borrow nothing but their gloves from that | country, for our stage could never exist under the conditions imposed | by the Prussian Government, In the first place, the actors are forbidden to introduce anything of their own, or deviate from the wathorised text. What would become of all our faree actors, if this rule were applied here, and if every super “ Believe you, my boy!” “Bricksey, Wicksey, | Picksey |” or other spontaneous ebullitions of humour, were to be pro- hibited to the actor, whose notions of wit are completely ——— on | his having full liberty to say these things, or any other equally amusing | things, whenever they come iuto his head? In the case of all proces- sions, the manager is to send to the authorities all the masks, banners, and mottoes thatare to be employed. We can fancy the censorship gravely employed in perusing the features of the masks intended for a Christas pantomime, with a view to ascertain whether sedition mig) lurk in some goggle eye, whether treason be curled up in some monstrous omer want te Seenedint het a sus- picious nose. e same 4 every dance 1s to be described beforehand, lest the dancers should take some revolu- tionary attitude. . We should like to see a of a sailor's hornpipe prepared for the edification of the or the programme ot a pas de deur submitted to the deliberation of a Cabinet Oouncil, We think a minister would be a litthe pazaled by some of the information he would i number of or shuffles, backwards, ; y know how to decide intended would *¢ dangerous to the State. The only way would be to summon the inane themselves before the Government, who could then see exactly what no verbal description could zive an adequate idea of. It is almost impossible to imagine such things occurring under our happy constitution; but for the absurdity of the thing, we will suggest the possibility of Rosati, CarnvoTta Grist, or Marre Tacuiont, being sent for to Downing Street to acquaint the Cabinet with the nature of their intended new pas. QUITE A CHURCH QUESTION, Q. What is the meaning of the word “See?” 4. An Ocean of money. " — Ame * NS RAMEE TEN ME fae TUE IMRT

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48 | THE BISHOPS AND THE “TIMES.” Tuere has lately been a rush of Episcopal Corre- spondence to the 7imes ; and, indeed, if the letter-writing of the Right Reverend Bench is carried much further, the columns of our respected con- temporary will afford ample specimens of the literary styles of all our Bishops. We have no objection to offer to their Lordships becoming contributors to the public journals; and, indeed, it is one of the most agreeable signs of the Times to find the position of the thoroughly acknowledged as it is by the Right Reverend portion of t's Peeraze. To find the Biskcps pleading at the bar of Public Opinion— in person, though certainly not in formd pauperis—is a Press so | Bt 1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. PF alg Pic Bray a J | A> } Fi ’ Ya iW pie LAY *. | , Mr. Briecs, anxious To BEcoME A “CompLeTe ANGLER,” STUDIES THE .‘ GentLe Ant” or Fiy-Fisure. Stee es ~ wal = great triumph for the repre- | sentat'ves of Public Opimon; and it is all the more glorious from the fact of its being a triumph nobly gained, by | spirit and independence, free | from any of those qualities by which the Press—or rather some contemptible part of it —has heretofore been known | to degrade itself. The power of the Press exists because it is not abused; for, like every other power, it is sure to fall unless a right use is made of it. We hail as a great fact the Bishops wri- ting to the Times, and we only hope that it may never have to become a precedent to others in high positions ; for “‘qui s’excuse s’accuse’’ is a motto we are sorry to be obliged to quote in reference to any who from their station ought not +o stand in need of self-justification. ye RS = 7 - Whe at > = > Ma. B. cogs ovr. Ts curer Dirricurry 1s, THAT EVERY TIME HE THROWS HIs Line—tTHE Hooks (OF WHICH THERE ARE Five) WILL STICK BEHIND IN HIS JACKET AND TR-Ws-RS. “ Over-crowded Steam-boats.” Is there any remedy for this? Yes—and a very simple though com- | prehensive one. First drown a hundred passengers; if amon the victims there should happen to be two or three people “of dis- | tinction,” the remedy, by Act of Parliament, would as perfect. be as summary “ Errors Excepted.” Ma. Horsman informs us that “a quarter of a million has gone into the pockets of three Prelates, to which they were not ueouly entitled.” But Mr. Horsman should not be too hard on the poor Prelates. ‘The absorption of such asum cannot be viewed too charitably, for depend upon it, it is nothing more than a Clerical Error.

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| DEFEAT OF THE JEWS BY LORD NELSON. _— for our homes and tars; for the gallant and reverend Earl ennobled by Trafalgar has led the van against the Hebrew host, now thundering at the gates of Parliament. The old shot- pierced coat of Netson lies a bit of moth-eaten woollen in Greenwich Hospital ; but the indomitable will that worked beneath it animates and inspires the parson Earl of the House of Lords. Heroically beautiful was Netsow, “flaming on the quarter” of the Spanish three-decker; no less “lovelily dreadful” was the Netsow still spared to us, boarding the Synagogue! When shall his triumph be celebrated at Exeter Hall ? When shall white-robed no sing his praises—when shall rejoicing elders chant his name? True it is—aceording to our Netson—that, “the Legislature was not now bond fide Christian.” And— “ The relations between the Church and the State had been greatly shaken by this | circumstance, and was it right to add to this source of danger at a time like the present ?” | No doubt of it: the relations have been shaken. There has been such | pushing and jostling by certain folks for thousands and tens of thousands | shaken; the pillars of Church and State have somewhat rocked. boys for nuts—that the relations have been And —all eager as scramb | then our Netsow thunders this question— | Of their indifference. For, if you ee | “ If they admitted the Jews, where would they stop?” Where, indeed? Toe Emperor or Carwa—for purposes best known to himself—may swamp the House of Commons with flowery members from the Flowery Country. The Sutran—of course in collusion with the traitorous PaALMERSTON—may send a score of Mahometans—(think | of the fez in St. Stephen’s!)—for no other purpose than to beard SistHorr himself with their bigotry. Nay, the Kine or Dawomey may | forward his Africans (a Colonel or two of his Amazonian Light Horse, cunningly disguised for the occasion,) to advocate his own particular | interests in the slave trade. “Where would they stop?” How far-seeing, how profound, the human interests involved in this question! And how comforting to remember, that the time-hallowed query has never been in abeyance! | The Ancient Briton, when he doubted of mere paint as his only wear, | was met by the awful in ion of his more ancient countryman— | “What! dress in wolf-skins! Where will you stop?” “Travel ten miles an hour by railway, Mn. Srernenson! Bless us and save us! Where will you stop?” “What! Cover eighteen acres of Hyde Park with a skeleton of iron and a body of glass, that shall not be rolled up like a scroll by the first gale of wind—shall not be broken to atoms by the| first storm of hail. Where, where, Mz. Paxtow, will you stop ?” It is a great comfort, a great conservative delight, to know that the world—in its worst ness of great men—has ever a supply of those sages endued with the bon 1p | sagacity that can compass a| question. “ Where will you’stop?” In the infancy of every society, when the first step is poke was ever a wondering grannam to| exclaim—“ Where will you stop?” And so the world went on. The! w asked it of the mail-coach—the mail-coach of the railway-) train—the railway-train of the electric telegraph, and—as an astounding climax of interrogatives, the RevenenD Eanu N exsow of the audacious Loxp Joun Russett—“ Where will you stop?” The Earl, moreover, clenched his ment against toleration of the | Jews—(when Jews were no longer muicted of their grinders or their money; doubtless some Nexson of the middle , marvelling at the clemency, fasked—“ Where will you stop ?”)— the world at large cared nothing for the Hebrew. Certainly, we anticipate no riot from | the fact that the Jew Bill has been defeated: Christians will not fraternise with the denizens of the Minories, and march upon the Lords. Ne.son’s windows are safe; nor will he be given to the flames, in effigy, in Holywell Street or Houndsditeh. But the Lords’ majority will not settle the question. Still Morpgcar will sit on the steps— sit and sit on the outside—until society insists that he be allowed to take his seat in the Commons. _ Meanwhile Eant Netsow believes that the people care not for justice to the Jew: and in such case leave the people to the enjoyment do pestis an hour before you are | — What! be just of your own coerced into the act, what accord! “Where will you | CLauprus played her pranks under the assumed name of Lycisca. and fidelity to—another gentleman than her lord and Emperor. old Cuavprvs, her relation to him is about as sacred as that of a ward A TRAGEDY IN HIGH LIFE! Ovr friends the French have some reputation for pro’ ciency in a | particular branch of industry not represented in Hyde P. rk—that is, | Punch was going to gay, in dramatic literature ; but the daysof Racrvz, and Commerce, and Mourax have departed. Well; , instead, | that they are considered te be rather clever playwrights. At any rate, the article whieh they manufacture competes successfully in the market | with British preduce ; and a new tragedy from Paris holda, presumably, | a decent rank among imports. Sueh a commodity has recently arrived in | this country, and may be pronouneed to be avery pretty piece of goods. MM. Aveuste Maquer and Jutes Lacrorx are fabricators of this work, which they call “A Drama, in Five in Verse.” Being of a dismal and melancholy nature, with a suicide for the catastrophe, it has thus all the elements of genuime tragedy, 4 that the verse in which its five acts are written is not —, remarking on a production of a tragic nature, Mr. Punch may be thought to step a little out of his way; but not so—no: there are some tragedies which are strictly in it. There is the amus and Thisbe of MM. Quince and Borrom ; there is also the Valéria of MM. - 17] and Lacrorx. Valéria, the heroine of this nice play, is the wife of the Kmprnor Crauprus, The lady so denominated 1s called by her second name— her first having acquired an odour of which the ventilation of more than eighteen hundred years has failed to deprive it. MM. Lacnorx and Maquet are evidently not the sort of dramatists to apprehend the fact that the nomenclature of a rose does not affect its fragrance, nor to understand the converse of that S#aksPEARIAN proposition. The subject of their glorification is better known by her primary appellation of MessaLrwa. The history of the person alluded to is in general so sufficiently noto- rious, that, for further particulars, the reader who does no/ understand Latin, is referred to the sixth satire of JuvenaL, where he will find an account of the conduct of Mrs. CLauprus as intelligible as it is proper that he should be presented with. He may, however, be informed, that, according to Juvenat, M ~ Jn this foundation our Gallic dramatists have built. They have repre- sented Valéria (that is, Mas. Cravptus) and /ycisca as two persons, only bearing an extraordinary personal resemblance to one another ; whence it happens that the acts and deeds of the “thing of naught’ get attributed to the amiable and interesting Empress. So far, perhaps, there is nothing in this but an eccentric taste,—a taste in French dramatic writing allied to that sometimes shown in French confectionery. The idea of making a heroine out of a Messa- tina, Punch takes to have been conceived by the same kind of imagina- tion as that which devises sweetmeats in the form of loathsome insects, and the like; apparently regarding both interest and appetite as stimu- lated by the suggestion of the abominable. But the peculiar manner in which MM. Maquer and Lacnorx whiten their Roman sepulchre with their French stucco, merits farther notice. Valéria (Mus, Ciavprus) is rendered a pattern of = s for | to an imbecile old guardian in an English farce. The sentimental affinity of Valéria to Silius is coolly taken as constituting her appeal to the sympathies. : whee The points—to use a technical phrase—in the tragedy of Va/¢ria are not numerous, amounting just to one; and that one has not the com- pensating advantage of being seleet. 1t is a scene in which Lycisca, the courtesan, gets tipsy, after the manner of the ancients, in a revel with Mnester, a pantomime dancer. When the Bisnor or Lowpon has been told that the described has been acted in this town, his Lordship wil pay wortder at the progress which he will imagine the French language must have been making in the Metropolitan slums, and will be, perhaps, | for bringing a bill before the Peers for the better lation of tavern layhouses. Valéria, however, has been played no farther out of the 1suor’s particular beat than the St. James’s re. Racuet sus- tained the several characters of Valéria and Lycisca, and certainly wore her two pairs of buskins as well as their fit would allow. She appa- rently delighted large and fashionable audiences; and she certainly | interposed ber genius between the arms of Mosrngvs and Mr. Punch, | Well, at any rate, the emancipation of the stage is now safe. Now | that Valcria has been allowed to be enacted, what possible performance | will be prohibited on the ground of its moral tendency? ‘The office of Dramatic Censor will of course be henceforth a sinecure—the sole function of the Licenser of Plays will be to confer s license, . play above = lll SS An Aldermanic Salute for the Artillery Company. Twe reason the “H. A.C.” was excluded from the Guildhall | Entertainment was, because the Aldermen and Common Councilmen | thought such “great guns” of themselves, that it did mot require the aid of any other Artillery to make the Ball go off weil.

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Sa lat Se 2 Clg li te e =e a ee ae ~ el = 52 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI — | MRS. HICKS’S PETITION. (See Times Police Report, Marlborough Street, July 17th.) Prry the sorrows of a poor old soul That never asked your charity before, Nor seeks it now—reserve your paltry dole— Make her amends from your abundant store! Thin, tatter’d clothes her poverty bespeak, She, who a decent living earned for years, Is ruined, and forbid her bread to seek, By affluent gentlemen and wealthy peers. She kept a stand in Hyde Park’s royal , A grant from Royalty for rescue owed ; Her grandsire saved the Kine from being drowned, Whose gratitude the privilege bestowed. Hard is the usage of the helpless poor! she a castle owned, entailed instead, Official flunkeys had revered her door, That now have driven her from her humble shed. The Woods and Forests bid her quit her home ; She begs them hard their cruel hands to held; And Seymour, to confirm the heartless doom, Writes her an answer miserably cold. Vainly she tells the story of her grief ; The Board has nothing like a human breast ; They grant a twelvemonth’s trumpery relief, And leave her to starvation for the rest. MANIACAL PAS DE TROIS, DANCED BY POLICEMAN MAC X. AND TWO FRIENDS AT VAUXHALL, BOOK OF ETIQUETTE FOR THE CITY. She tries the Quzzn, who not a single line Of her petition was allowed to see, | two thousand, all the better. | clear s | any ceremony, but upon the first a that comes in your way. If you are not (To be consulted when the Queen attends another Bail.) Noumsenrs prove respectability. So collect as many peo ther as you | can, If you can cram three thousand people into a es wil act contain | Your Ball may not be so comfortable, but it will | be all the more respectable. Dancing at a is not necessary. If you have no room, it is better to | dispense with it. Let the band play the music—first a uadrille, then a polka | —and after that a waltz—varying each tune a little—and the forms of society | are quite complied with. People are tired of dancing, especially when there is no e to dance in. Talking of the forms of society, it is usual to stand upon them whenever the Seep (that is to say, when you catch the Queen again) is coming in your irection. If there is not a form, take a chair—or a table—do not stand upon | in jumping up, the Queen be out of sight, and you will miss seeing er. Should you miss seeing the Queen, run after her; do not lose heart or breath —waylay her—lie in ambush for her, until you su in meeting her face to face—and then take a good stare! Hen Masesty cannot fail to be well pleased with your earnestness. From Putrrs’s answer, if we may divine, By Bewi transmitted from Her Masesty. Her little lodge, on her paternal lot, Built with her all, away from her is torn; They seized the very bricks that formed her cot, Unpaid for which, she wanders forth forlorn. Her child to keep, and hunger to assuage, She bore a basket nigh the Crystal Dome ; But stern policemen war against her wage ; Poor cake-women are there denied to roam. 7 walk her off; to Marlborough Street they bear This hapless victim of a cree, To forty the World’s luxurious Fair, bbed of her right to live by industry. Redress the wrongs, then, of this poor old soul, Or never talk of “ vested interests ” more ; | thing in it. to make you h, but laugh at everything. an Alderman attempts a witti-| | cism, 4 h. af a Common — ventures on a joke, and falls down | in the middle, and smothers it as flat as himself, never mind, laugh all the same | eg is nothin ! there is a door to go in by, make a point of Ye who the Exhibition’s funds contro! If iy see a number of persons hurrying in one particular direction, join them by all Repay Ax» Hicks from your ab t store ! means, for you may be sure they are running either after Parvce uzEN—and it may be both. The chance is too valuable to be thrown away. The QuEEN may smile, the Prrvce may nod! When supper is , ali hurry down together. Press forward as much as you can—or else the wings of all the chickens may have flown away before your arrival, and have ied off everything with them. At supper you must take care of yourself. Where there are so many mouths to feed, you may be sure that every person’s hand is raised against hisneighbour’s | late ; so if you get anything on yours, you had better make the most of it as, ong - yo = keep it. If you don’t help yourself, you may depend upon it no one else will. It is customary at a City dinner sometimes to pass the bottle, when asked | for it. But it is different at supper. It is laid down as a general rule, that if you get a bottle, you had better keep it—that is to say, as long as there is any- | If empty, of course you pass it on to your neighbour. It is not necessary to preserve silence at supper—far from it. Noise is a loud Do not wait for something | ALBERT or the AN ARTFUL DODGE. uncu has heard that the Alder- men have been | _ ingly busy in circulating, in news and everywhere, the contualidlien to a report that the EN was going to visit Guildhall a second | time. They need not have dis- tressed themselves so unneces- sarily. The contradiction was quite useless, for not a soul be- heved the rumour. When the recollection of the first Ball has died away, then the Queen ma; be induced to try ‘a second, but not before. The fact is, Her Masesty had so much of sign of gaiety—so be as noisy as you like. —laugh all through the supper—without knowing why or wherefore. A City | without roars of ter! Sune no Gur to.g0e ~ A ing out ty 2 the ome _—~ ‘twas highly probable to principle, if there is a door to go out by, do not fail—as you love City regularity y» —to go in by that very door. ° ; ; Z ; | last her all her life ! As 4 GENERAL RULE, every one invested with a little brief aate nest | ———————— ——— ——— make himself, when the Quexn visits the City, as big and as ridiculous as Har-awp-Hatr.—Cotonet Srstore constantly complains | he possibly can. that he can get no one to divide with him. We should be | God save the Queen ! | glad to know what the Colonel has at his bankers. | en - RZEEO| peEG owl Baas e.

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ee MS @OOTSa@ Tt + BSSePrPes Shee my PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL conceive how so much m | hospitality, unless he were contin | ficence Ww | being accused of parading my charity. My object would be to vindicate | the character of my order. i | Horsman, confound the politics of Sim Bensamin Hatt, and scatter | all our enemies. That a that I know of has excited of late years. Therein should | be manifest that [ was | required any fi | the | Race.” THE INCOME AND EXPENDITURE OF THE RIGHT REVEREND DR. PUNCH. latter word being large enough to be read by a short-sighted man without spectacles from the opposite side of the way. Further on, a Coiffeur de Paris intimated to us, through the mouthpiece of a pink label, that a beautiful brown Wig was “Selected by Paince ALBERT lat the EXHIBITION ”—the largeness of the latter word being such as Ir I were a Bishop with from £5,000 to £28,000 a year, I would soon silence any remarks that might be made about the largeness of my income. In whatever ignorance I allowed one of my hands to remain as to the actions of the other, I would take care that the Public, at least, should be acquainted with the operations of both, I would—or |} my name is not Punch, | At present, a single hand only of a Bishop is seen at work. Every- body beholds his right pocketing money: nobody perceives his left disposing of the cash. | Consequently, an opinion has become prevalent that out of upwards of £20,000, perhaps, of yearly revenue, the greater portion is expended on the appetites, desires D pg men and affections of the episcopal individual. A good deal of it, having first been transmuted into fluid and solid aliments of a luxurious nature, is supposed to be converted bodily into Bishop. Some P ng is estimated to be spread over the surface of the prelate im the form of canonicals. It is reckoned that the earriage runs away with another share. Not a little, it is surmised, is turned into ribbons, silks, satins, lace, and other articles of attire or ornament, investing or decorating the Bishopess, and the other females of the Right Reverend family. A considerable portion is ed to be absorbed by the collegiate education and accompanying ulgences of his Lordship’s eldest son, or is conjectured to be more legitimately laid out in the purehase of a commission, or in procuring a post, for another of his offspring. And a handsome remainder is imagined to be deposited at the banker's, The world cannot well can be kicked down except by yachting, betting, driving four-in- coaches, keeping a stud and a pack of meme E undertaking the management of an opera-house. People know that the Bishop could never get rid of it by using any degree of y giving Lonp Mayor’s dinners and Champagne suppers. They do not reflect that the establishment of a | Bishop is not quite so splendid as that of a Sultan, and that the whole ever large consumers of good things, would Episeo ni y be found to weigh less than an equal number of distressed | Tarmers Now, then, if I were a Bishop, the low-minded world—which never | dreams of the possilalier of such a thing as devoting riches to bene- my money went. I should not care about would publish a book that should confute book would create a deeper sensation than any revealed the butchers’ and bakers’ bills I had paid for feeding the h , the tailors’ demands that I had settled for clothing the naked, and all the various expenses I had gone to in scattering plenty over a smiling diocese ing wives and children happy. It should ; the almoner of my see; merely a con- duit for the distribution of its revenues, and that of the stream of | opulence that passed through my hands, very little indeed stuck to my This most interesting publication, in short, should be a Bishop’s Account Book—a work showing, in the most satisfactory manner, how I relieved myself of the encumbrance of my wealth. Whether or no | ~ ~~ relief from that burden, it would be for the nation J HANGING ON TO THE EXHIBITION. WE notice that several tradesmen have adopted the trick of hanging on to the Exhibition. They could not command admission by their own talents, so they endeavour to hang on to the building the aid of some little miserable They pin these falsehoods on to the corners of their shawls, or let them dangle fancifully | (the ribbons of their They print them in brave bold letters on the pieces of pasteboard that give the public the novel information that such and such a Visi¢e is “ Cuaste,” or that the pea- green Pardessus, which is opening its arms in the most affectionate manner the whole breadth of the window, as if it wanted to embrace earliest opportunity of meeting with a purchaser, is “Quire THE These fashionable announcements abound mostly in Leicester Street | othe late Cranbourn Alley—and in all the ticketing-shops along | Oxford Street and Holborn. One fact, printed in large | letters, at least the thickness of a red-hot poker, made us quite start a. It revealed to us the i vermillion secret that a Beaver Bonnet, enough to be the coal. that feeds the fire of the Palm-house _ at Kew, was “Worn by Hen Magasry at the EXHIBITION ;” the! would have done no discredit to one of JULLIEN’s monster posters. The wig was curly, and beautifully full—and well it may have = if only to cover the baldness of a story on so large ahead, We were next stopped in Holborn to admire a Shawl, the pattern of which must have been taken from a lobster salad, and which a printed card informed us was “Too Lares vor tHe Exursition;” meaning, we suppose, that some one had attempted to wear it on the opening day, but had“been so stared, and basket and hooted at by all the little boys, that the lady, venturesome as she had been obliged to turn back, and so the Shaw! had arrived “ Too Late for the Ex- hibition,” These are not half the tricks with which tradesmen dress up their ugly goods, only the dressing does not make them look any the prettier. One bold genius has drawn a sort of landscape in teeth, whieh gives you the toothache to look at. Underneath it is written, “Tae Onienan ov tHe Exursitioy.” We have not seen it —nor do we wish to, particularly—but we imagine the view must be in Tus(k)cany. Meciies genius has displayed a Fire-Extinguisher, which is described as being “In Use at rue Exurmirion.” Now, as we have never heard of the Crystal Palace catching fire, we cannot understand how the instrument in question can exactly be “in Use at the Exhibition.” Probably a part of the Exhibition is set on fire regularly every day to prove the superior merits of this wonderful | * Fire-Extinguisher.” Perhaps it is kept in close attendance upon the Koh-i-noor, upon the authority of scientific men that the Diamond is “a combustible body.” If so, we can account for there being so little fire in the Koha-Noor. The fact is, the “Fire-Hxtinguisber” has | completely put it out. | So various are the schemes for hanging on to the Exhibition, that we expect to see Mus. Grawam’s balloon announ to make an ascent under the title of “Tue onLY BaLLoow THAT HAS BEEN UP IN | THe ExuiBirion.” THE CROWN AND THE MITRE. “There’s a divinity doth hedge a king.” Touching and beautiful is | | the practical recognition of this truth by the Bisnor or Gioucesten. | With a loyalty, whose source is in the breeches pocket, the Bishop | renews a lease “ for three lives;” and it is erroneously given out, that | these lives are the youngest lives of the Bishop’s own. family. Not so; the Bishop, with an affecting devotion towards the Crown, chooses “the lives of three infant children of the royal family!” A family— | says Mr. Horsman—“ notoriously one of the longest-lived in this country.” Surely, there is an ungenerous insinuation conveyed in this remark ; a worldly-mindedness that smacks of the profane layman. If the Bishop selected three of the royal children in preference to any of his own olive branches, it was from no unseemly calculation of com- parative longevity ; but solely from a wish to vindicate to a stiff-necked | generation, the necessary connexion of the Crown and the Mitre in all things: from no remote desire to endow the weekly prayer for the long life of the royal family—a prayer put up in all pulpits—with a monetary interest; but solely to prove the yof the churchman in the devotion of the lessor. There was once a Bishop who said toa King, “Sire, you are the breath of our nostrils:” now the Bisuor or | GLoucesTER proves, in a manner, what the by-gone Bishop declared: | for three of the Royal Children, by the conditions of the lease aforesaid, | are litera'ly made the breath of the nostrils of the lessee. In them, he lives, and moves, and has his being. Were it possible there could be a condition of society, in | which leases were granted not for a term of human lives, but of lives | of irrational animals, it is not unlikely that some astute bonze would measure the duration of his leases by the lives of three tortoises. “ notoriously of the longest-lived in his country.” Nay, if an old tian priest, he might take three lives of three of his sacred cate— in all, seven-and-twenty lives ;—but then, such astuteness would betray the benighted selfishness of the infidel. How different the operation of what the profane know as , in the serener soul of the Christian accountant ? Nil Admirari. We really feel called on to admire a gentleman, who, when examined on a trial, the other day, about a “ ” at Oxford, deponed of himself thus— “ km 21. Am nothing.” This is decidedly ingenuous. It seems « ult to say what will become of the youth, if it be true that ex nihilo, nihil fil,

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ete zx cide :— | the noble Lord.” ) | to direct his instant attention to a recent overwhelming letter o OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES.—No.1 GIBRALTAR TAKEN BY THE ENGLISH, JULY 24th, 1704. Conscience Money. E . CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER is happy to acknowl the sum of £250,000 from three Bishops, whose names, from obvious feelings of delicacy, he refrains from mentioning. The mu- nificent donation was sent under the A Most Difficult Question to Decide. Or all Diplomatic ques- | tions, the following, we think, | is the most difficult to de-| “Ma. Unquaart said (on July | 17th) the noble Lord (PaLmeasro~ ) thought he knew better than he did, | but he thought he knew better than | “ Monies overpaid. t was accom- panied with the reqnest that the sum might be handed over to the Eccle- siastical Commissioners, with the view of its being applied to the in- crease of incomes of poor curates. These generous instructions have been complied with. We cannot help agreeing (for onee) with Mn. Urqu#aRrt— | he decidedly ought “to know | better.” | —__ 2 THE CLERK OF THE ECCLE- FRIENDLY ADVICE TO THE | a Sa KOH-I-NOOR. KEY TO THE ABOVE. Mr. Horsman has been ; , ce described “as a Weathercock, “ ’ . 1. Sir George Rooke. 5. The Marquis de Salines, Governor ot : . . Ir you’re a Diamond, 2. The Prince of Hesse-Darmstadt. Gibraltar, with the great Keysof the | to point out to Bishops which why don’t you behave as| 3. Sir John Leake. Town. way the wind was-~ blowing sich ®” 4. Admiral Byng. 6, and 7. Two Spanish Nobles. over the Established Church.” THE GREAT EGG MYTH. | ‘The wise Pivrarcw has propounded this question (not yet resolved), | @€Whial 4 + ” Tue Reverenp Mr. Augan Preectay— Chaplain to the 209th |“ Which was the first, the bird or the egg ? Greens—presents his regardful complimen's to Mr. Punch, and begs | Mr. AvBaw Preectay, in consideration of the high claims of the f the | army upon the gratitude of Englishmen, suggests that they had better Colonel of the 8th Hussars, who—curtly as becomes an officer—denies | first determine the above question, ere they accuse of ungentlemanly the popular conviction (though supported on oath) that any of his corps | conduct the mythical officers of mythical forces. - When it is determined was engaged in the Battle of the Begs, on the day of the Oaks. | which—from the beginning of things—was the first, the bird or the Since then—Mx. A. P. observes, that—one Mixes, who “ encloses his | egg; then—Me. A. P. respectfully submits—then will ‘be the’ proper card,” assures the Morning Herald that, “with one exception, no officer | tame to investigate the causes of an assault which, in the opinion of of the 16th Lancers” was present in the apocryphal affray. | every military mind, is purely mythic and fabulous. But there will be The Revexenp Mar. A. P. submits to the consideration of Mr. Punch | a wholesome re-action. Yes; another fortnight, and the eggs of the this question—* Is not the whole matter a myth? Dothe Sth Hussars | 8th and 16th will take their place with the roc’s egg of Sinbad the exist ? dre there any 16th Lancers?” At atime like the present, | Saor. “‘Such”—as Mr. Auban Prrecuay, after much thought upon public opinion cannot be too cautious. | the inatter, conceives—“ such is life !” Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 13, U Wobdura P er St. Paoeras. 4 Mullett # 4 No. 7, UP Row, Stoke Newim nate tp cho County of SAtenss, Pemene net ° - bury ty veer ace, in the Pariah of creas. acd Frederies Mullett F vama, o Urarer 0. gton, a daly 20eh, i201, ot Wahitefria: s, ia tae © ty of | Ocdou. anc puotiones vy thes « Now, Peet Street, acac Pa isd of St. Sride’s, im the City of Tae “

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err ertri ae, 8 oN 4 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 565 THE “DOOK” BONNETTING HIS “ EMINENCE.” THE PEACE MOVEMENT AND THE All that's Bright won't Fade. to have it in our power to in- | timate, that there was a total eclipse on | the 28th instant, the ts were made | for preventing the gaiet nations from being | eclipsed—for the weekly number of Punch ap- peared as usual. adele Ted wih ease illuminated copy, 4+ 44 read with ease by the light of its own brilliancy. “Tus Deer, Dezr Sea.”—The Durham See. — = Pa coer Ors I & PUNCH’S CONCORDAT. Now what 5 lt mee you done with your blundering “ aggression,” Double-negative Prvs, us 2 Nowno of Rome ? Why, you ve done us, or nearly so, out of a Session, we ve spent in the labour b cropping your comb. Our Premier, instead of removing abuses, Has been occupied gist in — ring the storm By your Hotuvyess brew’d, which, of course, his excuse is or not having got on with the work of reform. a pe fo your attention, friend Pius, I’d crave you large fact that concerns our late row,— The majority, ig Som that declared ” “We won't have you! Your pretensions that firmly refused to allow. So | *gainst a force so o’erwhelmi how held you ? How brook’d we oe a of your Irish “Brass Band,” When we —— osen, at once have expell’d you, With ishops ma B Brief, from the face of the land ? Bane bstructing nati wa: A don't thik nivone the. tiee os entitled “ fair play.” Wout your Hoxtness stand as much argumentation we ip we had foisted a Bishop stay P toleration, a ty apy a ey: do ? , Well; Satie oo it.ssnes, pon. ere no pemnention prelates or pastors in England to fear, Secured by the shield of a free Constitution— bay Sonne a ee See tall Lae wim: ; of doctrines or diet, they beet of dot leave us alone. Young Water-Birds. a ee Se er ening at the Holborn Baths, A FOX IN HYDE-PARK. vane the past week GewenaL Fox—who has qe cam- paigns in ving seen an ot + ni is veto t ote the Crystal Palace. There no Winter ion, } mg #3 Mille fees iit our vines! How- ever, with the instinctive justice of a great mind, Genera. Fox suggests of the fullest | measure. says, away with the Orystal Palace—it has cog, aly. ‘But let there unsightly, Bu uring marble or bronze to commemorate the fact of its nena nat And what so fit , —asks GeweraL Fox—as a statue of Paince Arpert, and a statue of Ricuarp Caur pu Lion! When we consider the beautiful significance that is borne to the Crystal Palace by the traditional reputation of the | battle-axe King of the Lion’ s Heart, we must confess the idea to be is rofound as felicitous. The worshipper is worthy of the worshi £UR pv Liow of Ceur pu Renarp., - sure, we have of an individual —by name, if we mistake © Gra Josern Paxton—who i is said to be associated with the “— of the Crystal Palace, but it is natural that Gewerat Fox—with his Probe nti tendencies —should forget Joseru THE First in favour of the earlier Ricuanp Any way, we trust that the idea of Corones Fox, ‘if carried out, will furthermore be made to redound to his individual honour. If we are to have a statue of Paince ALsert (to which we object not, if erected in the Winter Garden, standing amidst olive, and a statue of Ricwarp in bushes of dragon’s-month,— cfigies of Generar Fox, accompanied by the bird, with which foxes are commonly ‘The Church Militant’s Man and Metal.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI —=——=—[——[—[_[_$_ $_$_=_=_=[[|$ == _ i “ SSESS>—>>___—_—_—=—== .. HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. N treating of animals borne on the shield as o ch ” (and the charges for which, -the-by, come to some- ing, in ease you want a) * grant of one, now), we notice | »* a peculiarity in our friend the Stag. He isrepresented as tripping, when an ordinary animai would only be passant. He is af gaze—that is to say, fooking about him with com t le intelligence and curiosity—when an ordinary creature is gardant. Andhe is often found in a position i ae marked as ed. Who shall say that Heraldry is meaningless, or ne wh in modern times? w ———~ 3 ten has the Stag been ‘i bo | only too securely “tae H(t within our memory ! Animals are often blazoned ee in characteristic honourable attitudes, in preference to others. A pelican feeding her young, for instance, is in her piety. This symbol is borne by lofty aristocrats— of course symbolises the care with which they provide for their young ones out of the public money. A peacock, avain, with his tail displayed, is described by Heralds as bein in his pride—which exaetly tes to the case of a Premier. An “ small birds” are generally drawn by Heralds with a dignified indiffer- ence to particulars, “ like birds ;” for of course your smaller sort of birds need not have much attention paid them anyhow: and thus every gathering of the mass of English is conventionally named “ the ihc thie f i wi . . P There are a lot of i inary animals borne in Heraldry ; and perhaps the most imaginary of fl are the warriors named as the founders of families im “ Toe Peerage.” Too often, the griffin or the unicorn are as really historical as these persons. It has been supposed that grifins, unicorns, &c., were once believed to have been met by ers during thew journeys in the East; and haps some centuries hence, a policeman azure, passant, and P=, with a ddton in his dexter paw, will be borne by the deseendants of some London families on the same pretext. At all evemts (6 propes of this idea), “a a sans beak and feet,” is still known under the name of a canne/ in raldry. Perbaps the said descendants will bear a duck still further demolished, in memory of the exploits of the same animal in our rr The heraldic word “* r” is applied to birds when borne of their natural colour. Thus, ene youn birds whose e recently annoyed the Kennington people on Oaks Day, would suuply as goslings proper—meaning : It is well-known rule in Heraldry, that metal must not be put on metal, nor colour on colour. You cannot with ey Sow thas— Argent, a chevron, or; that would be false ; or sadie, t anythings, azure. Doubtiess, it is preei oy Wangan Oe wieten #8 cm ae this regulation, that none but ever say, “1’ll put twopence to your twopence ;” a well-known plebeian form of expression. And ess, also, SHAKESPEARE meant to illustrate the second of these rules when he forbade us to “ paint the lil : deal might be writien Gif anybody woul would read it) on the i i produced in the science of by the Crusades. the introduction of escallops, or shells, so frequently borne on “ ies ” “ sub-ordinaries ” in shields. Panmure bears eight escallops ina “ border;” and Gaanam three, on a “ chief.” | Now what are these escallops? ‘We, ourselves, have a theory of no| ordinary ingenuity on the subject. In the first place, is not the French word for “scolloped”*—escallopé? 1s it not common to scollop | oysters? The deduction is obvious. These shells are oyster-shells. The Crusaders liked scolloped oysters; and the reason escallops are found usually om what heralds call “ordimaries,” is plain to any! | frequenter of London dining-places! To the Crusades, also, we owe the introduction of wafer-bogets—such as those borne by the name of Bourcutee. These, of course, came on the apis, very naturally, when | the oysters did. A PALINODE. From Puscu éo Higway Brovenam. “ During the last five or six weeke, he hed with the utmost diffienlty, and against the opinion of his medical advisers, attended the service of their Lordships’ House. During the last ten dage the difficu to the jast, until be foun’ beeowld struggle om Law Be form in the Meuse of Larda. Asp is the busy brain een uet Has the sharp sword fretted the sheath so far? Then, Hewny Baovenam, in spite ef all that’s past, Our ten long years of ali but weekly war, Let Punch bold out to you a friendly And speak what haply he had left Had that sharp tongue lost nought of its command, That nervous frame still kept its sprimg unbroken. F the changes of thy later years, more be knows the Isamaz. ones he knew, Drinki ight of the Peers,— Your Lent etiesd oll men, oll matipieende pein you. He knows the Orator whose fearless tongue Th —t iam Ts Ulschesing cenndel Seng } ne Wi thew Upon a Queen—of women most forlorn. He knows the lover of his kind, whe steed Chief of the banded few that dared to brave The accursed traffickers in negro blood, And struck bis heaviest fetter from the slave ; The Statesman who, in a less happy hour Than this, maintained man’s right to read and know, And gave the keys of knowledge and of power With equal band alike to high and low; The Lawyer who, unwarped by private ai Denounced the Law’s abuse, chicane, : The Chancellor who settled century's claims, And swept an age’s dense arrears away ; no more.”—Lerd Brougham s The man whose name men read even as they run On every landmark the world’s course along, That speaks to us of a great battle won Over untruth or prejudice or wrong. Remembering this, full sad I am to hear That voice which loudest in the combat rang Now weak and low and sorrowful of cheer, To see that arm of battle all unstrung. And so, even as a warrior after fight Thinks of a noble foe, now wounded I think of thee, and of thine ancient might, And hold a hand out, armed for strife no more. The Way they Sarves the Navy. pendent :-— “ Commanper.— W. K. Hans (1848) to command the Styx.” ty bad imeremsed, and become more severe. In the | great measure, in a cements which his life had been devoted, he | WE find, in the list of naval appointments in the Hampshire Inde- Vice Cuaron, superseded, of course. This service must be worse than Captain to command the Styx, it is evident that the Navy is going to | the deuce. THE MAN AND THE HOUR, _ Mr. Brotrertor’s great objection to the House sitting “ after 12,” is, that it scarcely becomes so great a Legislature as that of England to get through its business “like one o’clock.” | Spam im the Exposition. Wrrn paim we remark that Spain makes rather a mean in the Exhibition. She has not contributed those links t were |expected from ber to the bonds of universal brotherhood ; which she | might easily have done by paying her Ir the Roman Catholie Cathedral of St. Peter's is ever built in Reruxctson ror rue Peace Cowenrss—The true way to enjoy the wine of life is to accompany it with olives. London, on what ground will it be erected ? On the Ground of [adudgenee. a cruise off the Gold Coast. If the Admiralty wild send a British | Then out ag Then Withe sixty-t won't and th In 1 House it wai

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___ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. PUTTING THE BEST FACE ON IT. THE TEACHER AND THE COOK. Loox here, reader, on this advertisement :-— T° GOVERNESSES.—WANTED, a LADY, not under 25 years of of sound Charch to conduct the an my attached ene Ao) — be pry have a Rader wr o; mabe Agocd muckeh intmcchingloopenasiin, Gummy On Addons We are a highly practical |sm@en this:-— people. Everybody Says 80, 5 Nigh SISTERS WANTED, as good PLAIN COOK and HOUSEMAID, and therefore we believe it. —- w eS ee os oie ae of onl tao Lady “A practical people,” We | ening. ‘The Housems id epenstenes to walt wal ab tunle, te ~ tote conclude from what we see, | and fine things: Wages £17, including extras. A means a people that disdains bal ride, end peopreaaain. i ccrict. pesoumal Gin eat ry. | Country not objected to. Those gees & ee oan ouses of Parliament is an both extracted from imes, presented to Mr. , pan. with the following Punch, togethe LINES BY MOLLY. Now as you ve cooked the goose of your Porzs and Canpinas. Wisr- for MANTS. ‘ of |I dare say, Mr. Punch, you'll find room for these here two advertise- i ments. Ay ly a What is your opinion about them as a candid man ? the house | Number two, you must know, concerns myself and Hawn. iin Beteds net tes ccadiomaber ens 1 seems teh comet s . / that care one, Is say, but some fiat. _ : ef) y to thimk how very much improved the age is, | And what a rise has took place in poor servants’ wages ! don’t mind the word, though it sounds rather more like the galiery the boxes ; 21 pound wages is better than 90 pound salary. hat I say is Ge, Eel Rous ay eee Sees, Plain as gets more than a Governess kas no call to grumbiec. Jookery seems to be getting into hestimation; = ry folks thinks more of it than others dees of heddication. some folks is gentlefolks, and others the reverse. ary woulda’t leave much in the my 5 z = oe i e i = architects ’ head; so we cut dow Then she floats too much by the stern; so we take off her purse Then she is found to be over-masted, and we put in lighter young lady, whe im course would be expected to appear Then it is fownd she can’t carry canvass en and we take them uch, when her things was paid for at the end of the year. out again. Then she rolls too much, and we increase her iron ballast. | 20 pounds a year, and to be always Prench—what a shame ! Then ber lower-deck ports are under water, and we plug them up. | They coulda’t get a parrot for less that could do the same. | Without her lower tier she doesn’t carry metal enough; so we clap two | What siteh people gives their servants I should very much like to know, sixty-fours at her bows, and two sixty-fours at her stern. Then she Seeing they pays their Governess so low. . won't make any way at all, and we are forced to begin all over again; |! shouldn’t think they wore out many pots and kittles and the account concludes with an awful bill to pay. \y pas mae fo pony in the ape ot aha en In very much the same way, our landsman architect builds us a) 42¢ getting their tooltion so werry Cheap, House of Commons. It is a Ceutifel building, only before it will do| That the scollards of this establishment was about as well taugh! as fed. it wants a new roof, and new windows, and new galleries, and new : : nail lobbies, and new floors; and alter all this we are warned that its acoustic properties have been only partially tried. A REGULAR STANDSTILL. - 0B is ‘ _. Aw astronomer, speaking of the effeet of the last Eclipse of the Sun | im 1812, says, “that horses came to a stand-still, and neither whip nor | goad mduee them to move on.” We ed come gules) | parties who seem to labour under the influence of asort of moral eclipse ; for, remaining in their darkness, they cannot be induced either by or to move on. Among other remarkable 2. |e mupedl kaunaives ino-ciela, an te alienate” | surprised that im the absence of een Beka tah have not gathered themselves into a circle ia tion of their market. The Enemy of Intolerance. rm... sa po gy deme te the a a wong = Ry Be to Se The ineoe ove’s hierarchy is that which renders them liable to procee , . Valen of me Eeb- ; avainst, for infreagement of its provisions, under the sanction of the THERE is a vast difference of anes se Ge poms value of the | Arronwey-GewERat, by a common informer. No wonder. From the Mourtain of t im the Great Exhibition. Many are inclined to| conduct of the Popish Bishops in Ireland with respect to the Queen's | thirk we have making @ mountain of a molehili. A Spanish | Colleges, it might have been expected that the papal prelates would jewelier of some experience has estimated it at upwards of a milion under any circumstances, object to common inf reals; while an English friend of ours, so far from appreciating it by reals, has set it down at ome enormous sham. A TAKING TITLE. TueRe is a spirited little Italian contemporary of ours, published Touching Liberalities. in London under the name of the Boo di Savonarola. We suppose Tae newspapers tell us that— | they call it the “ Echo,” because they think it likely to “ answer. “ At his recent rent audit, Gronex aes ee, ae mincesh @>RiSSEEInED Geen nt Day Tae, Canty The Astronomer Puzziecd. | Punch be allowed the question—when does Gronce! Little Boy. “ Wuar’s the use of an ‘ose ?” | Hopsow return to certain railway innocents 10 per cent. upon their Astronomer, “Qh, 1 don’t know! ft gives the Sum time for | Tespective losses ? reflection.” be i

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE BANQUET AT GUILDHALL—TRUE Alderman Gobble, “Now tux, Gats! I’VE QUITE DONE. POLITENESS. Can I Get rou any Grup?” THE END OF AN IRISH TALE. Tre announcement has just been made in the House of Commons, that Mr. J. O’Conneut has accepted the stewardship of the Chiltern Hundreds. We cannot conceive a more entertaining volume than would be produced if every steward of these celebrated hundreds were to publish an account of his stewardship. Considering the frequency of an application for the office in question, we are prompted to inquire, why Chiltern and its Hundreds cannot be invested with a few other dignities, such as a butlership, cookship, or footmanship, for example, in order that the stewardship might no longer remain the only position open to applicants. We think, also, that the Chiltern Hundreds might have a housemaidship added, for the accommodation of such ladies as may feel | anxious to give Chiltern the benefit of their services. | In cnguneins Mr. J. O’Conyett on his ambition having led him | toa post for which he is no doubt duly qualified, we may, perhaps, be | allowed to felicitate the Commons on the fact, that “the floor of the | House” is not likely to become the scene of that melancholy event to which Mr. J. O’Conwett had at one time destined it. Instead of dying on the floor of the House, the Honourable Gentleman is now at liberty to select any one of the Hundreds of Chiltern as his final resting-place. We, however, wish him long life to cultivate the | interests of that locality with which he has chosen to connect himself, and health to devote himself to those duties which he has adopted as being better suited to him than the functions of a Member of Pa-liament. A propos of this new dignity of Mr. J. my ns we may add, that a simple correspondent has asked us, whether the Chiltern Hundreds, whose stewardship seems so enviable, is the name of a steam-packet. Child Dropping. Lert, tied to the knocker of the House of Lords, two promising male children, apparently of the Hebrew-Caucasian family. The party deserting them is known. This is to give notice, that the children so left will mo¢ be taken in; and the Police have orders to apprehend any persons making a similar attempt. as the promotion of genuine rationality and the t of f, | veracity, we have thought it fit to stimulate our faithfal Public to the | blushes on account of the City Ball; and if, t BLUSHING STATUES OF LONDON. Brief by the Metropolitan Pontiff. Srxce the most extraordinary and magnificent wonders are now daily happening, to the confutation of incredulity, and to the diffusion of true enlightenment, in an age dazzled by the false glare of philosophy ; than which splendid marvels nothing can be more conducive to the delectation of the cockles of our paternal heart, and the glory, honour, and interest of our Office; we are by no means surpri to hear of | the stupendous miracle which has lately hap at Guildhall, in the City of London, in the presence of many millions of spectators. For, | considering the utter failure and most miserable, so to speak it, mull, which was perpetrated by the Corporation in the Ball lately given by them to Her Masesry, we thought it very likely that some prodigy would | happen before long to render that absurd transaction the morememorable. | e therefore received as nothing more than what was to be expected, the | intelligence of the notorious fact, that the statues of Goo and Maeoe, | ever since that ridicu!ous event, have been seen from time to time to be suffused, as to their faces, with a rosy hue; blushing for the mis- | management of the body corporate. Having nothing so much at THE observation ‘of this illustrious portent. Wet ore grant an ur ; indulgence in turtle-soup and iced punch to any one who, having g paid his due respects to the Lorp Mayor, or other civic personage of the requisite influence, shall have procured a ticket of admission to the next Dinner given either in the said Guildhall or at the Mansion House, on condition of his making a pilgri to Guildhall aforesaid, and np asight at the City Giants, that he may have ocular demonstration o the shame and confusion they are affected with, in beholding — a ved eretical obstinacy, he will not acknowledge that do blush, let | be Se. (Signed) PURER. | him (Countersigned) { P{** } Missionaries General to the Punchifical Office.

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RTION. ) 4 — N ea ~ — DISTRESSING CASE OF

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—= Se ee etl oe . ee ee not hw tolerate “ l y author! man m be sure Anda “ Yc Geners is “int searcel into g them | feastec ae eee es & I recor a Coro! port— these barge | Horn, thing | a are far abroad sea, lil at hon When travel eee ain

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 61

LECTURES ON YACHTING. By Puoresson Aquanius Buick. “_ wo & were present when the 7 Si accomplished PRorEssoR @ Brick santy delivered We the part of the advocate; and, 7 | DETEPLESS declares he knows of no other not have much difficulty. The Mediterranean is your proper spot. ' tolerate its being made a French lake—its proper vocation is that of Bagtish | “I would advise all to be very particular in not letting your * ski authority. Remember always, that are the owner—high-spirited man may sail his own yaeht, if any may! It is as much his as hi be sure, when the weather is very bad, I would let the fellow take odd difference between the Bay of Biscay and ,the water inside the Iske of Wight, And a skipper too much snubbed gets rusty at awkward times. “Your conduct in harbour will be regulated by circumstances—which means, Generally s ing, the fact of having a yacht will you everywhere. As is ‘intrepid’ by courtesy, so taman is a ‘fashionable arrival.” This searcel i in I have known very worthy men spend im trying into great society in London, sums a ee invested ax @ yacht, would hav them to dozens of ~ . You will get asked to dinner; feasted well, iy. Anything in the way of a y good, rich, excitement—ts heartily welcome m our colonial ee ee eee ee Se ae ae to have a [ recognise also an imperial class of yachtsmen—tne swams of the flock of | a coronet on a bi before now. I have seen a |arge stately schooner sail into a. port—as into a drawing and serene. The harbour-master’s boat is on the alert these mornings. The men-of-war send their boats te tow; the dandiest lieutenant goes in the barge; the senior captain his services. When sucha yacht as that goes into the Golden Horn, the Sultan is shown to these yachters—like amy-euriosity in his capital—like any odd thing im his town! They are p to him, as it is that Ae may be looked at. “To this magnificent elass I have not much to say. don’t snub their skipper—they are far too fine to do that. They are scarcely distinctive as travellers, for they are the same abroad as at home. In them, is represented. England floats in a lump through the sea, like Dexos used to do. As they say and do just the same as they have always said and done at home—see and mix with the same kind of I often wonder what they learn by it. When they go to visit Thermopyl# or Marathon, it 1s with a lot of tents, donkeys, camp-stels, travelling-cases, guides, and servants—such as Xenxes might have had. They encumber the ruins of temples with the multitude of their baggage. The position seems so unnatural, that | can’t famcy their gettang any moral or intellectual profit from it. They are too weil off for that—like a fellow who cannot see for fat. Depend on it, you cannot see much tlirough a | painted window, however fine it is.” Paoresson Baicx coneluded his first sketch amidst much applause.

THE BAR IN DANGER. _ _CowstpEraBie consternation bas prevailed among the members of the Bar—and particularly the outer portion of it—sines the publication of the Report of the Commissioners on Proeess and Practice. The Lawyers’ Protectionist League, under the presidency of Mn. Bareress, has already been joined by Messas. Horwap and Fiorip of the Criminal Bar, as well as by Messnes. Monarr, Nowarr, a Fiorrer, Mammon, and Gasuon, of the Courts at Westminster. _ ‘Though the report is signed by the Chief Justice of the Common Pleas, and the Attorney- | General, who already given all the weight of his official position to the cause of Law Reform, Mn. BrisrLess is to maintain—though a maintenance of any kind from that | quarter is a poor | his own @pinion ought to be taken in preference to that of Sim | ALexanper Cocxsury. Ma. Barer.ess pastiontanl insists upon the impolicy of the recom- mendal to abolish the Rule for Compute, which he declares that he regards as a sort of Palladium of British eloquence; for many a orator has exercised his carly pions on thi Tule, and prepared himself for the maturer ights of his full-fledged rhetore. Ma. Baser.ess insists that the Rule to Compute should have been preserved for the sake

of its elasticity, inasmuch as it admitted of bemg applied for in every ible form, from the enthusiastic Sood enpel, or the | and silent bew to the burst of impassi elaborate well for mem - | Si 7 taken | vented from jollingam the benches, continually running rill of forensic argument, Mx. Briercess is understood to insist on the fact, that +s —_ commenced his career moving for a C te, a8 a reason wh the rule should be ee as the ma the side-door, the back-gate, the area entrance to future greatness. The learned anti-re- former also declares that to compute is, by no meaas, the insignificant matter of course that some people imagine ; for it requires a certain amount of iency in arithmetic on in fact, Ma, that offers a sort of guarantee the of education specified has been attended to by the Barrister. The Protectionist League of Lawyers pur- pose holding an gate meeting as soon @s a convenient site cam be found, and the Thames ‘Tunnel has already been spoken of. . JEWISH NOTE AND QUERY. Query —S ing none but Jews were re- turned to at the next election, what would be the result ? Note.—It would be rather curious—for as aJew is not allowed to take his seat in Par- liament, we should havea House of Commons that could not sit. The 7 ow to compro- mise the matter would be for the House to legislate on its legs. This would do very were accustomed to

tanding Committees;—but it would be rather tiresome when the House was kept up to -\a late hour im the morning by the squabbles Brigade. One a the Irish mpereninge mans that probably it would shorten the lengt of the debates—for the House, when pre- e and going to sleep, would be less inclined than ever to stand a long speech. The most obvious result, however, would be that England could literally boast then of +> most Up- right Legislature in the W

Infant Rhymes for Church Reformers. Brsnor Jack Honwen | Sat im a corner, Eating his Christian pie; ~~ in his thumb, he ao out a plum, And said, “ What a rich chap am I!”

Fashionable Movements during the Eclipse.

Mas. Jowes, of Plate-Glass Street, <4 ton, by omnibus, on the morning of the 281 for Leicester Square, where she remain \during the Eclipse. The Thames Steamboat | Company had it in contemplation to issue jreturn tickets at a far -a-lalf between | Chelsea and London, to enable suburban visi- |tors to view the Eclipse by daylight, and arrive at home before sunset. In the Park several temporary scaffoldings were erected, land a front seat to view the Fclipse was | im some instances known to fetch {rom haif- a-crown to five shillings.

TEAM VERSUS STEAM, A rwo-nonsez Omnibus has made a that it will leave Hampton Court at the time as the railway, and arrive at the Water- loo Station half-an-hour before the comes in. Long odds have been | favour of the Omnibus.

~ ee i eee eee : 0

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI > Ly ; MORTMAIN. THE RACES OF MAN. We recollect a very instructive, quasing book, a + under the above title. It contained one de; omission, aouerer, © w be partly accounted for by the fact, that S the time the book was published, Mx. Barrr’ Y = Ppepeame was not in existence. We at being able to repair that omission, and to increase the value of a clever ouk © with the addition of the following Races of Man, which, we must premise, ieee only | ¢ been recently discovered. These important discoveries were made in a ci buildi at the top, and the interior scooped out, like a Stilton Cheese. Cs it was set eanlibe 4 a Roman Amphi- theatre. It is situate somew about Kensington, and any one, by paying a small trifle a ot ld a shilling, or a couple of shillings—will be shown wah | great civility over It was inside the walls of this monster Stilton Cheese that we made our discoveries. At one corner of the Stilton there had been nibbled a larze hole, and in and out of this hole there kept runni many rats and mice, a number -) Be and poneys, ostriches and monkeys, whose principal amusement con- sisted in rumning round and round the bottom of the cheese at the very top of their speed, and then running out again. With our nataral , We soon discovered that there was aimethod in these wid evgutiona found out oe oot object in the running was to see which horse, or poney, or ostrich, or mon should come in first. gp ktm they fo’ a number of Races; and we raf 1 little proud in this matter-of-fact world, in which has been turned, not only inside out, but also outside in, as in Leicester Square, to have suddenly opened the door, in such a strange out-of-the-way cu as Kensington, upon several new Races of Maa. The iieving is a faithful description of these new First of ‘all, there is the Caantot Race. Several warriors in tub-like chariots gallop round the circle. The warriors have all Roman noses, in order to give the entertainment the most classic feature of ancient times. Wreaths of artificial laurel are round their brows, and silk stockings shed over the calves that animate the scene a tiful couleur de rose. In each chariot are four horses, and they have Roman noses also, and the Jaurel-wreath round their brows. Twice they gallop round the merry circle. is run, almost before it has commenced ; and the shouts of the applauding multitude prociaim that Jones, not of the Seven Hills, but of the Seven Dials, is the victor. The next Race is on horseback; not as in Rotten Row, seated quietly i in the saddle, but stan upright on the backs of :wo naked — Ss wensicns ase sguis foom Rome, and | rainbow. | like a pack of cards in the hands of a conjuror. their gay scarfs stream behind them, like a flying They shuffle backwards and forwards, At last Red is the turn-up card, and again JoNEs is ps trump who wins. gain the dustman’s bell is rung, and a pair of bish® wnettled Ostriches plunge into the saw-dusty jarena. This Race is unquestionably the funniest | Race of Man—funnier even than the French bring your heart into your mouth. | Ostrich 1 Race only fills it with laughter. The | Ostriches do not run; they fly. The Bedouin, who follows on his Arab vain to catch them. sd |have wings to them. You | tempt to catch Mercury et |of them. The boy seems to sit as light as an ‘ostrich feather on its back. The riding, too, is bye A yrs ee wanted to make them turn to the right or the peepee corte ch must: be very pleasant siliag for the Octrich |never throws his rider. e does not kick either, nor plunge, nor rear, a= jib, nor roar, nor is he subject to any of the ills which horse- flesh is heir to. a? 2 Sa riding very popular. We may hear of more im- probable things iy Ostrich te the door ‘Jonx, bring my Ostrich to Semel o'clock.” At all svente, a Derby, but Seeopemell Ostriches in i we remely amusing. We must sar that. the Ostrich affords the very best game—by a run! ep cece ste, Ostriches, they was the race of ~ by ay wah L | dedi dy wai re was Race ockeys; bu not so good as many young Lords whom j = | tual Ereeg§ ee ek £ é way a i 4 gorge

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 63 have witnessed in a 3 ene a were Races with female | charioteers—carrying gold cups with immense ecstacy; but the . CHITRO — brought no pease to ear B . and we turned ou beads way | THE CHURCH AND THE DEAD. with the peevishness of satiety, ere were Kiaces also with horses| “ Seemve that we are all equal before the throne of Gop ”’—such was with and without riders, and a heap of other Races. In fact, we do not |the tenor of the Queew Dowacer’s testament—“I desire that m know when we had seen a greater mixture of Races. funeral may be ucted with as little ceremony as ible.” Sue The Great Exhibition was to have brought every member of the| was the meaning of the Queew Dowacer of England ; but the Dean human family together; but the only Exhibition that has effectually and Chapter of Windsor—by virtue of their funetion—knew better. done it, is Barry’s Hippodrome. It has succeeded in doing what Money—mo is a necessary consecration of the dead ; and therefore Fine gy suppose, will do some day—for it has brought all the thoy demmaiial the Government the fee of £220 for opening St. George’s Races of into the same Circle! vault, that upon oneef its shelves so much Royal dust may be deposited. EE —— ________—. | The Dux ov Sussex aomaly baulked the Dean and Chapter, and . | chose a cheaper resting- in Kensal Green. | But the dead seem to be the especial property of Churchmen; who ‘will turm ra dead men’s dont, bet upon dead men’s memories, is done im the Royal vaults of Windsor is imitated in the churches of hamlets. Once upon a time—let us say a few months ago—there man in the historic village of Putney; made histori 6, alighting from his mule, went upon his knees, and royal tyrant; historic by Farmpax, who had head-qnarters there; historic by Samuet Perys, who would cat his dinner and chirrup his song at Barn Elms; histeric by the birth of Grepow ; and still and stil] historic by the ecclesinatical ingenuity of a i brings us back to the death of our benevolent take counsel how best te enshrine the recollection of his benevolence. Oe UIT agg Remy Neg Mi > ae \ a est marble NN Mh bad eS | he of thas Mecah skanete our philanthropic ) friend was wont to offer up hie Sabbath ?” Felicitous thought ; the laudatory lines were written; cut im marble; and the marble placed for ever in the churgh, to delight the eyes and touch the hearts ot xt unborn tions, And so the ceremony finished ? PY fa i GF tty certain you put upa et, mo bigger a - ina church, you must pay the suggestive churchman, “Good peonle, tikeen pounds, if you please : — In a small way, is not the church of Putuey worthy of St. G ’s Chapel, Windsor? Churchmen—we doubt ew, be delighted by that better system of things, surely arriving, that shall no longer make the dead such a very marketable commodity, Beautiful is the figure of the Christian dove! And otherwise than beautiful the uncleam bird that feeds on carcases. SCENE—A GREENGROCER’S SHOP, LONDON. THE VESTED INTERESTS OF OLD WOMEN. ean ao OE Te Lords’ Committee on the Smithfield-market Removal Bill—in a Old Lady—(holding a very small Cabbage)—loquitur. “ Wuat! 3d. vor’ tenderness for vested imterests which some of their Lordships have not such A Smaty Caspace? Wuy, I yever HEERD 0’ suca a THING !” | shown to poor Aww Hicxs—have decided that, for the loss which the . “Werry sonny, Manu; ser rr’s alt alone 0” TmaT! Corporation London will sustain by the abatement of their lucrative Exuisition! Wuat with{tHem Forgicners, ayp tax Gets 4s DUlsance, Suoxzs, Cappaces Has R1z.” | “The City are entitled to compensation, to be caleulated on an average of five years of the tolls prior to its closing. Should the site become valuable, and built on, the tolls = —— to make up the deficiencies, as in Clause 60 of the Islisgton-market Bill.” Ann Hicks. | To be caleulated at what rate per cent? Deficiencies in what? __| Really, there is more to be understood in this specimen of lordl Taur paet Pan of the Woods and Forests, Lory Sermovr, will composition than we can possibly understand ; except the general fa next week lay the first brick of a small house dedicated to the matron that the City is to be indemnified for the loss of Smithfield out of the by the penance of certain sylvan authorities. The house, in commemo- tolls Considering that the City has had the fullest warning of the ration of the woman's just pull upon Government, will be denominated inevitable fate of its filthy ottoans, sa might, had it chosen, easily Hicks’s Haul! |have made a fair arrangement with to the new market, we should say, let the tolls out of which it is to be compensated be those A FORM THAT WANTS REFORMIMG. ‘ of the knell which has so long been tolling Smithfleld’s doom. Tue favourite objection with several Members against ALDERMAN ee Satomons taking his seat is, that there is “no form for it.” The! | objection is not a bed one, for it stands to reason that if there is “no The Parliamentary Treadmill. _ form,” the Honourable Member can hardly sit down upon it. Tue failure of Ma. Hunnres’s motion respecting the Navigation ee eae | Laws, suggests the question, bt ay the Protectionists like a squirrel Idem in a cage ’—to whieh there can be but one answer—That they are always per Idem. moving, and never getting on. Cotoyzt Sretrnorr presents his oenaate to the Editor of Punch, | | and begs to state, that the statutes of Winiram and Many, which im- the Abjuration Oath, were clearly directed against the Jews. | PROPERTY POR_ZIOUS USES. | Israel-ites. Q. E. D. all the money they are trusted with. | —— PROTECTIONIST DRAMATICS, | Evening Dress for Ladies in the City. | | fRorEcTion recently a little “draw” by the performance of} Tum Zimes states that at the Guildhall Ball many of the ladies’ | Ma. G. F. Younc’s Tip to Scarborough By duties such a man, in | dresses were ripped up the back. We do not doubt this—for to believe | triumph, Protection shows her love for another play, too—She Stoops to| Mz. Daxiy’s statement—the Ball must have been “a perfect ripper: Conquer—with a vengeance ! |—Bell’s Life. _ The statutes were meant to exelude the Jacob-ites; but Ismazt and! Mr. Puxcn on being asked what was the meaning of “Cathedral | | Jacop are identical, therefore the statutes were meant to exclude the Trusts and their Fulfilment,” answered—Deans and Chapters pocketing | 1 RE ot ~

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see ee To Mis: Ciara pe Were. For the prettiest drawn bonnet of pink | dre adful waste of time that is squandered in going a simple journey of | ik, eet Oe —- ese sad black buses, completely spoilt by the} 15 miles. We have been shown Stowe’s picture of “ Cross Purposes” te | most effectively worked in Berlin Wool by a young lady, who was | with pinked flounces, and mantle em suite, slightly edged with Honiton | town every day. This will give some little notion | Enea Medal. _enabled the fair Arachnea to have completed so laborious a piece of | oer by by the wet—The Howett anv James’ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE TREASURES OF THE DEEP. (SEE OF DURHAM.) After Mus. Hewaxs, What —r-5 thou in thy treasure-mines and cells, Thou See of Durham? Wall’s End; Eden Main- Black diamond ery whose s th Bisnor sells? Best screened, that bring himn exceeding gain,— ‘ Tt ufty AT Ares Ay. a N\A uh ‘iM . / aA oo ey‘ j My we! ne OL eae These are thy riches, Apostoli * estat mil Ti iy —- We get our coals from thee ! , } | ; HOLLAND I GY ath Yet thy have more !—What tin untold arr 5 ane | | SRR ees te = 6 *) i | ‘Thou hast the farmer’s cash, the grazier’s gold Rich as a lot of | Yet — thy are have more !—What parchments Up Be eiee us hope, kept dry— pect lowe for will statutes old Hessel to tay sroke robate in thy ve ate y | Pocket -_ Doasan—sow’ ’s your Lime of day, Before they ’re ta’en away. Yet more, thy See and Diocese ba‘h more! The souls in thine episcopacy They are thy chiefest wealth, most precious store : Treasures are they by far worth all the rest. Hoard up those riches ; but the dibs, we crave Give back, which thou dost’ save. Give back thy surplas wa Bim of whom The monstrous income quizzed so long— La Punch—enlight ner = the — gloom— its at in s , harps upon Hold fast thy ecent p Ross Aer that — For all is not thine own ! | To thee the love of Iucre hath gone down, Donning a golden mitre on its Sead, A thing oft worn above a prelate’s crown ; Ss Yet must thou hear a voice—e’en now ’tis said “My Evr, Tommy! Ir ’erne arnt toe Scorcumaw Hout or Taz SyuFF | Jouw BuLi coat things from thee. Suor a TAKIN’ A WaLk.” Disgorge thy thou See To Miss Lavga Apeieisa Stusss. For the most A Mysteries of the Deep. 8 ? Amazone to vale a teat earn, S| Rs oa pete er emepes ~—- on be f J t up in the Diocese of Durham others ex- | Fotused by her maid—A Buhl Box, To wy - of Jouvin’s polonaed Daest se ty mented . » PRIZES AWARDED AT THE HORTICULTURAL FETE. | USEFUL EMPLOYMENT OF WASTE TIME. Tue weather is always so canevelfel at the Horticultural Féte, that | A Lapy, living at Wintiotey presented ne week to her husband a we think that the company, ly the ladies, deserve prizes | | handsome waistcoat as a om! present. It was most beautifully being distributed to them for their} ihood in making their appearance embroidered, and had Be as by her. during the ob half-hours there. ‘that would otherwise have been wasted, whilst waiting at the various stations on the South-Western Railway.’ So numerous are the delays We expect next July to read an award of prizes somewhat similar to | on that sleepy line, that ladies, who are compelled by necessity to travel the following :— by it, make a practice now of taking their Poepearng with in the railway carriages, so that they may turn to some useful account the sim To Lapy Avousta Tuumrer. For the most delicate crape dress, | -ogaged on it only for one month, and performed but one of lace, 80 soiled that it can never be worn again—The Silver SWAN AND | time which that one journey must have consumed per diem to. bai To Mrs. Cuzrry Bounce. For the most chaste dove-coloured oi , . rasol, with muslin embroidery and silk — oe completely washed a in so short a period ! pair ecclesiastical matters, none of us know one of the treasures: that To Mapeworsec Soe ee Vee raiy ect thie na Ber al] = we tered at the bottom of tho Boe Bonbon from the Pete Beg ecoured. guitl —e-- s Naxcissvs VeRisorat. ais qooubine tainaeiinn made ote ine the fines both sprieed The Great Day of the Session. to the inclemency of the weather—A Tae 28th of July was expected to have been a grand day in Parlis | Onse and Silver Vinaigrette, ig for, considering the many laws that are made without adequate To Ma. Hexcures Suirn. biesniatameeesii vial information, a day legitimately allowing of lelation inthe dark, wou, | hopelessly ruined—A Pair of Silver-Mounted it was thought, ha taken full of. Primed oy Wiliam Brady. of N>. 1, Urpar Wobare Place ‘nthe Pui of, Panera ond Prateret Men Bowne, of Re. 7. Ceara Rew See BTS Ca eae Senne hacees tok i i ia ie ae les eeamesn

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ents Fasegce = ~~ toe eras atast removal of Mr. Satomons the order of the House, that it was | singular an objection should be made to the Member for Greenwich on | Jew after all. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL movement, much as if one leg had been shorter than the other. But the refinement of suffering in this case arises from the cireumstancs that here we have men of education are BIRTH-PLACE OF PAXTON. and high feeling chained incessantly together. For no purpose undone ; and the meaning of these last words must be well considered ; they are to be . taken strictly... .. Among these, | myself saw a political , Romeo, chained, ‘i great men. The Beriiet | ie muntor I have demid, an seeary cooutoree young man with 2 vertiser now Claims JOSEPH | Neapolitan criminals.” ping way | oa SE, de: BP Once upon a time, runs the legend, there ve 8 Dunse !” tod —- Roseart or Sicity; a worthy wir subjects—his y images of Gop—even as the living Kixe out ens ae NAPLES AND rue iw wo Sicrires, the triple Monarch—the legitimate was born at Paisley; Corer-|C#&BERUs. Now, this Duxe Roserr, one day falling asleep, woke u wicus at Aberdeen ; Bacow | ®° longer outwardly a Duke, but as the Duke’s fool and jester—a at Peebles: Mitton at In- wpirit, sent by the orgy of Haaren to tako for 0 time the shape _ ) gy # Perth; : ow the real Duke, in the despised bod continually com- Samer at Kelso; Joser =| peoeeee with a joathsome ape, in the fulness of time, his Grace ™ Apr ia the Se t-market, | rned his better lessons of mercy and humanity, and was restored to Hasgow; and Homer in| “imself;—the angel, his task completed, Skye ! Ob, that our Kine or Tue Two Sictures mint, for awhile, be made t is, perhaps, not ge co-mate with an ape even as he manacies his Ministers with felons ! ’ ’ ER Though in truth ee mt orginal Duxe Roxsert; being brute and potentate in one. fully appropriated by nh a aE new ~~ fr was whelped ie Edinburgh Castle. PUNCH’S CHALLENGE TO MR. HOBBS. A Lock that cannot be Picked, Ir was a general observa- tion in the House of Com- mons, on the night of the to accept or not, , just r# he pleases. It is to operate on a Lock that cannot be picked! It has hitherto defied all attempts to turn aside one of its springs, which are most numerous, and of such a comp nature, that no one has ever able to pick his way ae om, Pe | the score of his religion, when the Speaker himself had turned out a yl Te the h — sae te a. though fortunes have been spent in the numerous trials. It is full of Wards, | whose movements are guarded with the \" most jealous scrutiny, so that it requires THE FRIENDS OF ITALY. “Nownere in all Italy, save now partly smong the Piedmontese, Ite ne Greer _sieaty So ot sae ae can a man think, ay or ht, aw bela made the image of Gon; I I certain other i x imeem, & Roman, and Neapolitan, forbidding y™ es ee golden, sublime privilege Gop are apt to become perplexing, has A tried in vain to open it. The troublesome ; and therefore are to be overthrown as idols of a es of| eases which are anid to be enclosed religion ; —an infidelit blasphemous to Pope and Emperor. Images of | Gop the subjects ofa King ot Naple ! Let the images be made to crawl | '™ ¢ large money-chest which it defends, are reported to amount to ae millions ! | oh tea” whncs hee the twowmnod yalty when they show themselves on | °°N ow" Punch challenges Mx. Howse to open the shove celebrated incarnation of devilry to do with the| 7 7:1’ He may take what time he pleases. He ma ; y operate = images of Gen, if not to outrage and destroy them? Fenoraxp of what BS he chooses. He may take it home with eed | Naples and the snag S Sep! p oeeeris ties of the wests, with better to study its many eccentric forms. In short, he may do w club. Nevertheless, there are Englishmen— |i, 0. with it: and if Mx. Hopss opens it, he is s much cleverer ph made smug and comfortable by the sea that rolls around them, insuring | 1°" Duus (ales him to be. aor ony bd day and night : in their counting-houses and in their sheets As for the reward for so much successful ingenuity, Punch will not | —who by no — e of the discontent of those Italians, who) 6°11. amo t, like Ma. Braman, at £200, or name any amount at all. = walk i . their —_, my Aaa ie an | He will not pick a quarrel with Mx. iets af any such trifle. Let such unseem hey are re = = us| him only open the Great Chancery Lock ; De ae help himself to why, we sadly havé our own taxes to pay ; and when we dispassionately par wt oe amount he pleases! What would “tte to. a aa satisfactory oe ey | xo hp Jacent queri more or less, be, when taken out of the tlegue oe ey bee which, we that 2s tuelets & tituted ; o Society numberi apy pe know, are locked up in Chancery ! Let him only succeed, and we are names of ‘ end truth, On the deer 19, Southampton | ¥7¢ the nation would think the operation miican. at a million. Stocsh, Ghoned, oo dani Cenapeiate, mn be read, “Ovrices oF THE : se s Society or tHe Frrewps or Ivaty.” The members of the Council ped ne thy TK A EG pring ae ' DOR CREADY, yw D DUDLEY STUART. We have all seen and admired, in the Exhibition, the beautif The of this Society is not to make war on Italy—“ not a war | Statue of * The Amazon,” which is to be the chef 7 auore of of arms, but that kind of war ‘which ail acknowledge to be itimate ; ’ Eo the Ki hich hibited a war of intellect, of sentiment, aad of political action.” With this |!" Limerick plotters by Loup Aaseuen, snd eich, i b sperted, mal Kise Lacusmn op Mathes ery ned thongs Uenoring & net | Cain a arce 2 ho Say, Thane oho have witnaesed bo Bet OPE unc Luctrer or NaPies may ieving it not, |); declare they are which Kiss to give erence to. even on that small brass-plate, the text that, in his might, ded | To avoid ram aang however, in the future —_ of Art, they suggest “ that The Kiss in the Exhibition should Soy its name Men are lived over again,” says Srz Tuomas Browse ; vd vy ” whereas Loxp AnuspeL's might be deservedly distin- the Kine or Nartza, another Sova, is re-made of blood sad mire. A | guished by the name of “Tue Amazin’ Kiss.” ruthless savage, he ought to wear a crown of feathers, with his regality | tattooed in his portentous countenance. What is he more than a New, sg wy Aten 5, TA A VERY SIMPLE QUESTION. destroy them? Mr. Guapstowe saw the late Prime ter, PoERIo with others, chained to felons : chained and clothed in the infamous _ Everrsopy seems to think that we know everything, and the result convicts: their declared offence Republican aspirations :— that ked all costo of qrataane, Sy aS aane people. The prt tc : tte ston ast individual who nae se + re I from me, eee fo bnew Bains, | enfemmtend, J gdaary Ty o Dewey ante ther, nt o Palace turned into a winter tive each prisons py yh aap tat 0 bene ioe seen, he exit of machinery wil eave their plants ? with one of the most ferocious and sullen countenances I have seen among many hundreds of the ; A Shabby Turn-out. Puwcu throws out a challenge to Mr. Hopas, which he is at liberty | | give each prisoner his half of the longer one. The prisoners had xX VoL. . H Editor—Dunce.) |or only in the ‘of the story-teller—who played the fiend with his | or uke, that he might bless the wondering ple. Whilst of the a) was coal DINAND may be taken as an improvement upon ona ea pena = 5 ape ote ‘ile ee ee Bk = a

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PUNCH, OR THE LQNDON CHARIVARI. OUR OWN VIEW OF THE ECLIPSE. _ We regret to say that—with reference to the late ecli ticipate in the views—amounting to no view at all—of t bec nr smoked a large piece affair before-band, we should ve public in reeeton for the ceremony, and had we seen through the ere we threw a stain on that it is a matter of com the fact, that we see everything. The whole affair remi us | of the intended feat of the man who was to get into a pint bottle. The sun was to have bee - = oye tion was to consist in ; but as he never | all, his powers—like those of the bot Extreme Gmppentnent was occasioned to the public; for the per- | formance which was to have taken place before the eyes of | which were glazed expressly for the sight, ended in a sort of hole and-corner meeting between the sun and moon, behind a screen of vapour. The Safest of Railways. | ‘Tee Midland Railway Company has had the misfortune to be muleted in £4000 d on account of the death of a lady’s husband, which occurred mismanagement on their line. No doubt this sum will be soon made up to them again by increase of excursion- traffic; as a railway whose proprietors have pe aesoery cose for their servants’ , is just that which one prefer to travel on. Fashionable Movements in Rome. Tue Seventh Battalion of French Chasseurs, newly arrived from Beaaee, ‘0 quarter in the offices of the Holy Inquisition ; turning out t ribu The Tribunal of the Holy Inquisition—willy-nilly—to the Palace of | the Vatican. A few more such movements on the part of the French army, and it may recover somewhat of the ground lost since its occupation of Rome. | li —_ tuents, whose fault is that ? on this occasion, the performer, and his attrac- | at) tle conjuror—were not tested. | PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES.—WNo. 2. FIRST CONTEST FOR DOGGETT'S COAT AND BADGE, AUGUST Ist, 1715. HIBERNIAN REPRESENTATIVES. Iw the Committee on the Petty Sessions (Ireland) Bill, Ma. Scuity is reported by the Times to have “ Protested against proceeding further with it at so late a period of the session, when | there were but very few Lrish Members in tewn.” which had hitherto been perfectly spotiess. At exhibitions in general, weep eee foie cause of our dissatisfaction with the solar exhibition extrao was | But what is to be done, if the-majority of the alluded to will run away the moment they suppose that ish affairs are disposed of for the Session? If they choose to devote themselves exclusively to the Porg’s concerns, instead of minding the business of their consti- Mr. Scutty ought to are those to be found who will attend to poor old But if English Members are to manage Irish matters the representation of England ought to be rather that the result of the next election will Europe, | an additional number of so-called Irish - | represent nothing but the See of Rome. A Stand for the Crystal Palace. It was some time ago debated whether the Orystal stand. There is no doubt that it will, if the mation keep it up. The question, therefore, now is simply as to of the people standi d surely they will preservation of one of the chief wonders of the modern Corporation Catch. Crown ye your brows with But ~ me my plate with - our out my 5 And 1”Ii swill and 1 "ll muneh, Till I’ve filled out my jolly red kirtle. SANGUINE EXPECTATIONS. ij Te Medical Faculty have certainly very Sanzuine Expectations, if | they fancy the “ Leech” is ever likely to supersede OU3 | ving one !

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PUNCH, ‘OR THE ‘LONDON CHARIVARL THE CASE OF MISTRESS HICKS, ly tale I will you tell, cease of Mistress Hicxs; Methinks it shall content you well To hear about her tricks. In Hyde Park she had owned a stall, In sooth, hers yh? os And there she sold to children small Fruit, cakes, ripe tay B held the Bo “had I 3 ¢~\ [ had heard nought of such a claim Till some few weeks ago. But not contented with the shop ote on did a a a place to keep her ’ And iock her bottles in. Saad Should have a She wrote to thank them for the stand ; But wood for Mistress Hicks Would not suffice ;—with taste more grand, The lady asked for bricks. But all this while, of Royal grant No mention did she make, But urged her prayers exorbitant For fifteen children’s sake. A BALLAD FOR LORD S—YM—R. They granted bricks instead of wood, ith somewhat more ado The fact is, they were much ies good; And see what that led to! Her stand she found was now too small Therein her wares to stow, And where to put her hotles all, Forsooth, she did not know. Again oo wi ielded here, And said, to her store, That Mists Hicks her stand might Just “five feet high ; no more. She thanked pane cad rate, A grateful woman she Now might she have a ‘ite grate To a cup of tea? To this they never could assent ; They said her nay, right flat, “Your hut was for your bottles meant ; A grate ?—we can’t stand that!” The wily Mistress Hrcus, again, Preferred another prayer Her little hut let im ona rain, The roof might she repmr ? They said that she the roof might mend, From wet to guard her stall, But they would not ihe leave extend To alter it at all. But give an inch, and here ’s the proof Old wives will take an ell ; She very shortly had a roof And chimney built as well! HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. myce our last number, we lo | selected. And into office when I came, Besides all this, I found A little which our dame Had ‘vith hurdles round. The hurdles Mistress Hicks had raised, forsooth, quoth she, The pe pa vexed her as they gazed, And watehed her at her tea. The burdles kept advancing still, ws ~~ = could sa a. y spoke r extrem I could not let her stay. . The Hero of a mth fe wah I spoke to He told me ate Get rid of Mistress A notice served on her to quit She boldly did withetand « She vowed she would not stir a bit, And said it was her land I Uy rigs, The law did Mistress Hicks displace ; We gave her something down, Allowing, for # twelvemonth’s space, , too, » weekly crown., Such compensation will Another stall and site For those she holds not by a sure And certain legal night. Moral by Puxcu. To titled Rangers large amends ial Justice makes, But little to the dame that vends Poor ginger-pop and cakes Wer never hae of anybody's 8 basing a a of voutenn, for example, which would look as if he was descended from some jolly respectable fellow. But stags’ heads are often carried with the horns ing very threatening: where the head is severed clean off, it is have discovered that water. bougets are, indeed, singular objects. It would be easy to bring a subscriber to the water, but it would take a good deal to make him drink out of one of them; for we never saw one blazoned that looked at all fit for use, or could compare, for practical purposes, with an ordinary jug. Indeed, the charming feature about Heraldry now- a-days is just this inappli- eability of everything about it to anyuse. All the beasts look as if they were cramped up by some Wombwellian ar- rangement ; lions are drawn of imbecile appearance ; and warlike birds appear to be stuffed. Some people, in- deed, looking at these repre- sentations, fancy they are “all stuff” in a still more comprehensive sense; but perhaps they are just as like the animals as their bearers are to the original called couped ; when torn off, erased. Alas! to allude to our friend the Stag onee more, how often has he been both cut and erased from society within these few years! By-the-by, we may remark that a Roebuck’s head 1 is not un “4 carried ; there is a Seotch family that carries “three Roebucks’ heads” im its shield, though we never heard that any of them claimed to have three times more valuable a headpiece than the honourable Member for Shoffield. With regard to inanimate objects, there are, to begin with, nine “ Honourable Ordinaries’’—daily, by-the-b at six o'clock, or 80 visible, variously, about the Park and the Westend on carriages and cabs. There is the Chief, the Pale, the Fess, Bar, Bend, Bend Sinister, Chevron, Saltire and Cross. Each of these is marked by limes on the shield. The Chief is drawn horizontally, from left to right, across the up part of the shield. It is sometimes “ indented,” and looks as if it had been rather roughly rubbed against—which has happened to many Chiefs, Whig and Tory, in our day. This is perhaps the most dignified of Ordinaries: how natural, therefore, that the Louctasses, who have an Ordinary of this class, should sport, as they do, three “ mallets ” on it! The Pale is formed by the perpendicular lines — down the wily area to the base—as occasionally happens to the of common life, The Heralds tell us that the Pale was derived A sae — a stake— and what better foundation than a steak could you have for an ordinary? he old Eants ov Mar carried a Pale; but they, poor gentlemen, have long since kicked the bucket. When a shielc 1s divided by a vertical line, it is called party per pale—a division not without a meaning; many a party being kept out of the social pale by a line equally clear. | A Chevron is that curious-looking figure which the reader may have | | people who adopted Sol And so, perhaps, Heraldry may be said | observed on shields, looking something Ube 2 letter A in an imperfect be somewhat typical still Hitherto, we.have spoken chiefly of the bearing of animate objects, animated manner. | and we hope in an borne in | animals of parts are in general life. *Setet we regret that it is mot generally the eatable part that is have produced, we are not p to say. ~&,- us say a word of beasts = in Heraldry as attend the carving ; | state. [t is so called from its resemblance to the rafters which support \* roof—ealled by the French a chevron. It is a curious coincidence, which we state on the authority of Nispetr’s Heraldry, that certain Seotch Paxtons wore two chevrons on their shield, long ago. Whether | they ever boasted of so much as our contemporary “ rafters” |

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PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARIL. LATEST FROM AMERICA—QUITE NEW, AND Tue Free anp Enticntenep Continvations. FASHIONABLE IPTELLIGENCE, Orgxa-Grasses have grown to suck a size, that a young Fop, fresh from Fop’s . distinctly, that i longed to a Debating Club (which Heaven forbid ' he certainly should put up for discus. sion the f subject :— “ Whether any amount of Beanty is sufficient compensation for the immense fatigue of carry. ing about with one all the evening such « heavy load as an Opera-Glass ?” | Poor young Fop, he is greatly to be pitied! We shouid advise him to put an advertisement, like the following, in the papers :— ANTED, A STRONG IRISHMAN, to carry a Gentleman's Opera-Giass. | Rack Ponche 4 la Romaine. | Tue Times correspondent at Rome | states that the French cavalry has been lately reinforced there, and adds— “More herses are |, and, the actual | accommodation not being sufficient for the in- | creased number of troops, the Inquisition, or | Santo Officio, has been taken possession of, and ' | that historical converted into a caserne, ; | This is as it should be. We are, glad to hear that the Roman Inquisi- tion is turned into a cavalry barrack, and hope that the rack of the Holy | Office will henceforth exist only in | connexion with the manger. VERY CHASTE. THE BOOK OF BISHOPS. | Punch believes it to be his mission to write The Book of Bishops, with | portraits of the most distinguished arithmeticians that at present adorn | the Bench. The Book of Bishops: a weweay, Cine volume, contain- | ing a simple and withal 8 of manifold doings of the | men of lawn in this wicked world, with their dail strugglings with those sinewy giants of life L.8.D., that now and then will throw the | strongest in the dirt, the yellow dirt, that clings to, and yet begrimes not. | The Book of Bishops—printed be -note in ruby type— | bound in —_ velvet, with gold edges; gold, inch-thick, and to be had at all Cathedrals. The Book of Bishops, uniformly printed with the | service of that Church, whose self-denying ordinances prelates | thousand per annum. so ingly illustrate. The hero of the past week—for every week has its episcopal move- ments, even as it its police reports of vulgar fraud and embezzle- | ment—is the BisHop oF HESTER; who, when Dean, showed the | | profoundest respect for the spirit of antiquity, in the matter of twenty | | grammar boys; as thus— “ By the Rochester statutes ( the Times), amongst other allowances, there ere | allotted to the different classes of at that cathedral pay ments as follows : —to the dean, £100; to six |, £20 each ; to six minor canons, £10 each; to the master of the |, £13 Ge. Sd.; to the master of the choristers, £10; to | the second grammar master, £6 11s. 10d.; to twenty grammar boys, each, £1 15s. 4d. ; | and to four students at Oxford and Cambridge, £6 13s. 4d. each.” | Now the income of the Dean in 1840 is increased from his income of | 1542, with a fine sense of the relative value of m at the two periods, | thus:—The Dean or Rocuester (the present Bishop) in 1542 has £150; but in the year of profit, 1840, his £150 expan , ! But what is sauce for the is not sauce for the goslings ; inasmuch as the scholars are not advanced a shilling from the sixteenth to the nineteenth century! The Rev. Ma. Wuiston stirs in the matter; and the dignitaries of the Cathedral call him “ atheist.” The man does not believe in the righteousness of Church embezzlement, and he is a — = infidel. as Dean and Chapter any RK up wenty grammar no blessing asked upon yearly feast by the Reverenp Mr. Wuistow, shows in the minister a want of that Christianity that said, “ Suffer little children to come unto me!” In a very few days Punch will issue his us for The Book of Bishops ; meanwhile the subj itself. atter,” says Srerwe, “grows wu our ; therefore let no man say, I will write a duode- cimo.” Nevertheless, Punch will endeavour to make his Book of Bishops no thicker than a Bishop’s thumb—his golden thumb for all pockets. | of ten | THE ECLIPSE OUT OF ENGLAND. usc has received from is own astronomers —and that, too, with | the greatest despatch | fullest account | of the late eclipse of the sun, as seen from | different points of . Some of these reports, di- = vested of astronomi- | cal terms, are simply * as follow :-— Roms. — Very | dark, indeed: the : speemegpemedsene- ; thing like a Fisher- mans ring — our readers are, 10 doubt, familiar with the trinket—on the dise of the sun; wherever the ring was visible, the light sun was alto- gether intercepted. Napries.—The sun was edged with blood; and the moon itself, now looked like a bomb-shell, and now—as the man-in-the-moon showed | himself—a portrait of Kine Ferpuvann. Maprip.—Here the moon appeared upon the sun elongated, thus, 0: whick cipher was interpreted as having some significant relation to Spanish bonds. Viexxa.—Total darkness: clouds shaped like a huge double eagle blotted out the sun: birds went to rest; and even the Ministry ied off their boots for bed, believing midnight come. Panis.—The moon—as described by M. Anaco—appeared like a | pitch plaster upon the face of the sun. Certain deputies, however, declared it to be like a monstrous blot of censor’s ink.

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NCE. » Suc! 7 a eK see - +4 from Be sot | most rbid ! iscu s- ficient f earry- such « to be LO put wing, MAN, ass. Rome ) been the in- ion, or into a NOR f seat SANA | | i ee LL Sa Sane: - ie ' u —\ NYY ° —\\ ge NW ‘foo is MW) y/ Ir} rN \" \\\ he A) \

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 7 PARTICULAR REASONS FOR PULLING DOWN THE CRYSTAL PALACE. polis might be proud of—is no reason at all why it should be preserved. That Lendes , in fact, has so many 1 buildings that an additional one is not in the least wanted. _ That the building, ~~ it i a perpetual eyesore in eyes Belgravia, and blocks up the view from the garret-windows of the houses Ra it would be perio ridicu- lous to maintain a building which only took six months building, when there are the Houses of Parliament which are not finished yet, after the lapse of as many years. : That the building, if ined, would only cost £140,000 ; which would be a downright absurdity by side of the Houses of Parliament, which have cost upwards of £2,000,000. That, above all, it will be a perpetual source of temptation to the little boys to break the windows. A PRETTY LITTLE PICTURE FOR PRETTY LITTLE PROTESTANTS. (To be Admired some Twenty Years hence.) Suppose we shift on the slides of the Magic Lantern of Time, and look forward some twenty years hence. What do we see pictured beforeus ? We see a view of a i t Cathedral. It is embellished with all the resources of Art. Saints are pointing their marble fingers in hundreds to heaven. Its mighty dome towers over [the crouching city, and spreads far and wide a long black shade, that seems to wither up all the churebes that surround it. Their lofty spires look shrinking to the nd with fear, as if they felt themselves overawed in the presence of such a monster rival. The interior is no less worth of admiration. ‘The eyes ache to look at it. It is one blaze of g The altar shines like the front of a silversmith’s shop, beautifully illu- minated. In front of it is drawn out a long grenadier army of candles —all burning to do honour to the brilliant scene. What is the name of this magnificent Cathedral, that is pictured in such gorgeous colours before us? It is St. Peter’s, erected most appropriately in the centre of the old Smithfield Market, and built by express command of His Sacrep Hicuygss Pore Pivs tue Niytu! By the side of it poor -|of weighing by ia waiter desirous of enlighteni THE WINTER GARDEN IN PARIS. Loxp Camrsett, anxious to know how the Winter Garden “worked” in Paris, sent over a 1881 expressly to make inquiries. The following is his report : instead of doing them good, only makes them worse. “You see nothing but pale faces ; you hear nothing but coughs, and sounds of pain. combination is anything but agreeable. “ The debilitating effects are so w awe, thee young laliee ex = by their parents to attend the Garden, any pretence w er. “Physicians arealways in attendance to pe attention to cases of extreme exhaustion. Physicians have already made their fortune. dere is & canal Tesirmary attached to the Garden for the reception cases. Bills of Mortality have increased fearfully at Paris since the oe — iy = “A person who visits it mo once mever escapes paying penalty of death ieciide-seshness. * “si is not the slightest doubt ‘that ‘the establishment of a inter Garden im London would be attemded with precisely the same the facts I have been able toacoumulate, as collect more information, having “ Your ‘Honoured Commissioner, “ (Signed) Mewny Sraercuza, M.D.” WONDERS OF THE REFRESHMENT ROOM. Weare surprised at the apathy hitherto shown by the critics to the wonderful efforts of art, which have been met with in the Kefreshment Room simee the opening of the Exhibition. Our attention was, on a recent visit, particularly directed toa section of a ham sandwich, con- taining a small —— of ham, so beautifully attenuated as to be worthy ‘ machine of appreciating the weight of a millionth part of a scruple. We have also met, occasionally, with an | object—not very rare in the metropolis, but still, in its way, curious— namely, a lukewarm ice. Some electrical experiments may also have | been met with, occasionally, on the part of a waiter, who has now and \then exhibited a very shocking article very highly charged. These | experiments have occasionally given rise to a uitous lecture from the public, but the result has not St. Paul’s lifts its head no higher than a toadstool. It is crushed— always been as satisfactory as might have been desired, reduced to a mere oyster-grotto—which every one passes, and not a sou! remembers The next slide shows us a new view of this Cathedral. The people begin to feel the tyranny of its oppression. The City longs to cast it off. It seems to press with a heavy weight omits lang, that ents its Moral Reflection on France. We see that Lotteries are tolerated again in France—but the greatest breathing freely. You see a tumult takes — — = _— Lottery of all is pay | the Government itself. We are afraid this ere is uslon—smo to bow any | to the Cardinal’s hat. fire—bloodshed ; and we pass on to the next slide. _ This shows us the Cathedral surrounded with French troops—the interior is likewise filled with them. Church service is performed at the point of the bayonet. The altar is supported on French cannon, ready charged. Canpiwal Wiseman goes thro High Mass with a lighted match in his hand. Infidels are immedi converted by being shot. Conversions take every day in hundreds and thousands, till the Holy See is into a Sea of But at last the truths of Po are triumphant. St. Peter’s is as great in London as St. Peter's at Rome—thanks to that new Army of Martyrs—the Army of the French Republic Here the slides and all beyond it is darkness. But do the slides we have y seen, a od the truth, or ure they only pictures of our own imagination? ‘Time, twenty years hence, will best show. For ourselves, we cannot help fearing that if we have a Porr’s Cathe in London, the Porz’s soldiers must soon follow. If the Romish Church cannot maintain its ground in Kome, without the aid of French guns, why should it do any better in London? Ifa soul cannot be cured in Italy without the assistance of French om. how can Pivs rae Nuvu cure souls without calling in for us the same remedy? In fact, this mixture of Romish pizty and French gunpowder seems to us so highly probable, that we suggest that the new Cathedral, instead of being simply called St. Peter’s, should, out of compliment to one of its ts, allow itself to be christened St. Satr Perne’s!—There is abundance of food for hope, however, in this state of things; for the Church that has a Powder Mill for its is sure at some future day to blow up. | is a Lottery that is full of so many turns and strange revolutions, that it will take years to alter it, much less suppress it. Every statesman plays at it im the hope of gaining the Grand Prize. For instance, who can tell what may turn up next year? In the meantime, Louis NaPOLEzon is buying up as many tickets in the great Lottery as he can. GREAT RIVAL TO PRINCE ALBERT. Te clever performer at the Hippodrome, who aseends on the Bae me and then goes down again, bas described as “a Great Kival to Pamsce Atsext—for he moves in the | very highest circles, and every day of his life walks on the Slopes.” A Refreshing Conundrum. Why do young misses, and boarding-sehool young ladies, at Exhibition, refuse to lunch at any other refreshment-stall than the one in the Transept ? ; : Because they like a “ Youwc-muspawp,” and object to having “ Masters.” F THE BEST MAN TO SETTLE THE MINUTES, As Mx. Brornmenron has his eye generally upon the clock, we should say he would be the best man in the House “ to settle the minutes.” Movements or tHe Anistocracy.—Logp ARUNDEL has gone down to Bishopstow (Bishop’s-toe).

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PUNCH, OR THE 10! J+. LA hdd Page. “Fancy Bawt, Simm? Last Toospay, Sir.” SAVE MR. PAXTON AND THE CRYSTAL PALACE FROM | ITS FRIENDS. Puncu regrets to see a spirit of destructiveness among the Peerage, | the other night, on the South-Western | some of whom are for Pulling down the Crystal Palace—an act that would have the effect of bringing a ne pees of iron, and a still | larger quantity of well-merited irony, about our ears. We have great | respect for Lory CaMPBeLt, as a very good judge, but he has s Own | himself a on | bad judge in this one particular ; and though he acknow- | ledges himse d of the friendship of Mr. Paxtow, we are afraid | we shall be obliged to save the latter from his noble friends, if they evince their friendship by endeavouring to destroy what ought to be a age monument to his merits. Lorp CampPsext ought to have a ittle fellow-feeling for a brother architect, who has triumphed over difficulties—for his Lordship, as the truly illustrious architect of his own fortune, should sympathise with Mr. Paxton as a labourer in the same school of architecture—and protect his work against the ignorance and prejudice of those who think an aristocratic neighbourhood could be injured by bringing to it a place of popular recreation or resort. The million—for we may here use the word in its literal sense—who have frequented the Crystal Palace, have shown, by their conduct, that there is no reason in either repelling or running away from them, inas- much as Royalty itself has suffered no inconvenience from the closest a. We _— are Comenans, in his energetic di - — . judicial duties, the strongest objection to anything in 8 o! a remanet, but the Crystal Palace should at least be an exception to his scruples—against allowing any to remain. We cannot, for a moment, imagine that the fact of Lordship living immediate! opposite, is the cause of his opposition to the building being preserve Wuar’s To BE pows wits THe Crystal Patace ?—“ Let Smith- field Market be held there! Ha! ha! ha!”—Common Councilman gone mad since the Quexn’s Bail, ‘DON CHARIVARL BRICKS WITHOUT STRAW. Tue Board of Health has been as having done little or nothing tow the prevention of intramural interments, The Eart or Suarressuryr, on his legs the other night, satisfactorily vindicated the Board from the charge, by a statement facts, which he con- cluded by saying, “ That was the sum of their p ings,” | By the noble Earl’s account it seems that the sum of their | proceedings amounts to £0, Os. 0d. which in order to | carry out the requisite proceedings under the Metropolitan | Interments Act of last session—is all they can get from | Government, Great Diamond. Tue Koh-i-noor to the wall has gone, Neglected now you'll find it, With scarcely any one looking on, But the Constable set to mind it. How oft some silly wight, When prejudice has bound him, Gapes o’er the Mount of Light, ith pickpockets around him ! | A String of Poetic Pearls, Apropos of the | All eyes and ears, the gem he nears : Away the crowd has started ; While he look’d on, his purse is gone, And all but he departed. The Rival Fathers. A urttte Boy having asked his intelligent Papa what was the difference between the Papal Hierarchy and the Episcopal Bench, the parent replied, “ Now that the Eccle- siastical Titles Bill has , my little dear, our Bishops are the right reverend, and the Pore’s are the wrong reverend fathers.” SHoutp the Constituencies P on returning Jews to the’ t House of Commons, and should the Lords persevere in re- | fusing to admit the elected to Parliament, a row of stalls No, Sm! Missvs’s Fancy Bat, Sir, were | should be partitioned off in the Lower House, for what | might properly be called the “reserved” seats. and vilified for | LULLABY ON THE RAIL. Tae Globe contains the particulars of an accident which happened, Railway, near Bishopstoke, in consequence of the engine-driver and fireman both falling asleep on their posts. We never heard of a more remarkable case of somnolence than that of an engine-driver sleeping under such circumstances, and his fireman helping him in so doing. Morpsevs might assume these slumberers as supporters to his arms: for which they would be more suitable than lions dormant, or dormice proper. ‘The Seven Sleepers were less extraordinary fellows than these two: however, we hope to hear of no more such sleepers on a railway. certainly deserve a testimonial, which, it may be surmised, should be the sack ; but, as our contemporary states, that “ Both men were perfectly sober when they started with the train but were greatly fatigued, having been up, they stated, for two days and nights,” it may be a question whether the compliment should not be paid in the shape of a new velvet-nap apiece: and, as of one of them were severely injured, if not broken, whether his employers ought not to put some additional remuneration into his hat. Strange Difference of Antipathies. RacueL was compelled to discontinue her performance the other evening in consequence of the opposition of a Dog, which had been accidentally introduced into the theatre. With French performers it is the bark of a Dog, apparently, that puts a stop to an now, with English performers it is, generally, the Gazette Extraordinary. Her Mazesrty has been pleased to allow the Rev. Mz. Wuzat (of ' flogging notoriety) henceforth to use the name of WHEzaL-aNnD-woE. = FSS _ fe SREB as &- pp

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I what d the iccle- shops yrong © the’ im re- what ened, ke, in ‘D OD fence these more epers rve a S our n the O put

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 73

AT PARIS. Says old Squrre Crop unto “ Here ’s the rummest news I’ve The Lonp Mayor of London, and a lot more Be gone over to Paris, nigh a week for to bide.” Sa young Dope Puss wile OS Sysmes Cuan, “This bores in mpm ne poe t what be ’em gone for ?— y you explain.” — | BOu te feast ws chap called Pery/oct of the Beine. | “There is goin’ to be a terreable to-do ; I read it in the paper, which always speaks true : Balls, concerts, sham-fighting, and fountains at play, And singin’ at the Uproar, where they turns night to day.” “ And what is the reason of all this set-out ?”— “Oh! the Crystal Zibition; that’s what it’s about ; | Return eatin’-matches, ’tis what you may call— | Squire Pou of since I was a foal ; | THE RURAL MIND ON THE RETURN FTES To come off agin them as was play’d at Guildhall.” “ For eatin’ and drinkin’ I never would roam, And I think a Lord Mayor med as well bide at home.”— | “Yes, I see, they’re to feed off a Paris quizzeen ; That’s fridemmees frogs, mun; we knows what they mean.” “T’d touch none of their messes.” —‘‘ No more wouldn’t L.”— “ For a rump-steak and inions, is what I would ery.”— “ But I wish you med get it.”—“ And then, only think Of the varjuicy wine that they’ll give ’em to drink.” “ But I don’t bepity ’em one mossel nor mite ; They'd no business to go there; it sarves ’em quite right.”— “ Ab, hey ’ll find their mistake out !—they ’d better stopt here, Instead of gallivantin’ where they won’t get no beer.” “But when they returns, mun, what figgers they ’ll be! ”"— “ Such scarecrows, on’t, as never you see.”— “ Just fancy a mayor in a and a blooze ! ”— “ Kes, and then they will learn ’em to wear wooden shoes.” “This Crystal Zibition, I always had fears, Would lead to our mixin’ with French foreigneers.”— “That ’s true, but then quiet and pace it per-motes, Which is better than cuttin’ of each other’s throats,” “ There is rason in that : I hates bloodshed and scars ; But just think what wheat was a load in the wars.”— “ Weil, and that’s true agen; but then what did we get ? Why, the answer to that is the National Debt.” “Zo, though hopin’ we never shall learn foreign wa Peace and comfort ’s my maxim.” —“ And that’s what I says. — Vother bottle ; a tooast I’ll * The for Lincoum !?”—“ Ah, long life to he!” THE INDEPENDENCE OF THE CAB-STAND.

are literally “earriage folks;” for the trae men of — ee F et we eee ans t be keeping of agig; in these a cab—especial a Hansom— begins tobe 0 test of Siiemen, un of suu-—that is | to say, of yo —_ - i. eepebenp Geir | earnings in t -time, that, in the night, there is searcely a cab to be had either for love—if it is not an absurdity to talk of fawn towards | cab-driver—or for money. No sooner have the toils of the day gone | by, when all a cabman’s best feelings begin to possess him ; he casts his “rank ” aside, and mixes with his fellow-men, giving up to mankind what was meant for parties—inasmuch as at parties the guests have to walk home, for want of a cab to carry them. We are always ready

to rejoice in the prosperity of a class, but we really wish the cab-drivers who have made their fortunes retire totally, instead of partially, and leave the stands to those who would find it worth their while to Fa + Mages demand of the public y- b Legacy Duty Unpaid. Nztsow left his daughter as a legacy to the Nation. The legacy has been left now for several years; but we have never yet heard of the Legacy having been taken up, or even the Duty attended to; and this in, mind you, spite of Netson’s well-known injunction that “ Eos | land expects every man will do his duty.’ INDEPENDENCE SoD Te Se _temee vias | of the in the evening as well as im the|y AN EXCLUSIONIST JOKE. | e T is not often that we have an of an exclusive spirit about our jokes, except the peculiar brilliance which makes them exclusively our own; but we cannot for- bear from the following, even though it savours a /eet/e of what might be termed illibe- rality ‘at the num- Re, eH that have been made in vain the return of a Jew, the eee < oe discussion has set the House of Commons in a flame—a Jew

ist temptation of repeating to cancion, thakquabititnde inves clitendiaaaaa A YOUNG LADY’S OPINION AS TO WHAT 8HOULD BE DONE WITH THE CRYSTAL PALACE. “On! my pear Puwcu,—I am a young lad felt diffidence in telling you—only you every besides, I go to all the Fétes—and so, where would have been the of hiding the truth from you? I must tell you, then, that my money is exceedingly s : papa says he can’ more; and, though dear mammna is as ki fond of going to the Fétes as I am; and you don’t know what a deal of Sool knwo bapey, and oneal tp oonyeines Wad penty of &, so happy, and would go everyw. y of money. As it is, I am frequently obliged to stop at home—and | don’t like it. “ Tt isn’t so much the money we spend in tickets that we care for, as the expensive dresses we are obliged to wear. I don’t half like q to you about such things. I’m foe wm heemns 2° msi but T dont nied, ond wil oon to om the dresses are wearing our hearts out; and I don’t know what I shall do for a new bonnet (not “an ugly,”—I hate them) to to the sea-side with. I have had so many new dresses, that I shall have no left to read a novel this year on the sands. It’s all the fault of our climate—and why we have such a climate I cannot tell. It’s always at the very time you don’t want i to rain—just ao if did it parpoasty to apite yon. “It rained the first Horticultural Féte—and my dress was spoiled. “Tt rained the second Horticultural Féte, and a beautiful new bonnet —quite a duck, with the exception that it wouldn’t take the water— was completely sacri ‘ “ And the third Fate you know jow it rained! There wasn’t a bit of room in any one of the tents ; and the consequence was, that every- thing I had on was ruined—so much so that I could have cried, if I wasn’t afraid some one would have seen me. / “ And, we fared very little better at the Botanical Fétes. Iam not clever at counting. I can only tell you that each time the rain came down (and didn’t it come down ist last Wargeomsy (2 had to pay for | it most dearly, in the most provoking sense of the w A lady cannot | wear a waterproof bonnet, or a Mackintosh pélérine, as you gentlemen fw One drop of water, and, like a bright stove (pray excuse me), our | lustre is gone! | “ You must confess, my dear Punch, that the loss of so many dresses in one season must be very heart-breaking to a mod gy whose money is as low as my spirits at the posse moment. T couldn t help thinking how nice it would have if the Botanical Féte, last Wednesday, bad only been held im the Crystal Palace! I shouldn’t have cared for the rain then. I shouldn’t have got wet feet. My parasol wouldn’t have had all the colour, Git was a light cerise) com- pletely washed out, and we could have walked in comfort, and have | enjoyed the society ever so long—till tea-time. . |_“T am told that the Crystal Palace is to be pulled down. Dear | Punch, if you allow it, I will never forgive you. It is the only place in | Londow where we ladies can walk about in, without fear of getting wet. \It is a large glass Parasol, under which we can laugh at the rain that is pattering over our heads, and snap our at our wretched English

Hf

climate. Pray let it remain up, and then—who knows—the Horticultural Fétes may be held inside it next year, and we shall no longer have to |go all the way to Chiswick to be —. ina reg rain, and we | shan’t have to buy so many dresses, which is not t, in the course iof the season. Do this, and you will confer, like a good fellow, as lam sure you are, a great favour On “(ys who Lowes rou DeaRtr.”

RRS Ra aka ye

Po aa 4

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THE CRYSTAL FESTIVAL IN PARIS. » Pants and London embrace, '' and give and take the kiss of the re-| of the! Ville, Paris, are | celebrated the trium t Saf vavide | All| “ . ¥ e tilities of the wo | full and very various. A dinner and a concert on | the Saturday; waterworks and fountains at Versailles, ~ on Sunday; on the Monday, Vee at St. C oan / wiucnising toe of the President; on Tuesday, a ball—multitudinous as a geometric | dance of summer 8000, shakes the foundations of the | Hétel de Ville; and on Wednesday, as a conclusion of fireworks | and finale of smoke—“A review and sham-fight in the Champ de Mars!” Of all sham-fights that were ever fei y fought, this Wednesday fight—circumstances considered—should be registered as) the greatest s of all. The powder white powder; noiseless, smoke- | less, the battle of a dream; a visionary y-in-the-pan, with no true fire. For, says the programme, the occasion of the visitors so honoured and so regaled,— | “May do much to cement the more intimate connection between the two nations, | whose mutual relations must be beneficial. In fact, following up the impression made | by the Grand Exhibition of Industry of all Nations, this visit to our Parisian neigh- | bours may be made the real Peace Congress, divested of long speeches and Utopian ideas.” There can be no doubt that the sham-fight was fought, not only in| | honour of the Peace Congress, but in illustration of the madness and | folly of war, as set forth and preached at its gatherings. Mr. Cospen might use the thousands of soldiers with their arms and artillery, even | as a lecturer employs manipulations to prove his arguments. “Im lad says Mr. Cospen, “ that‘ these roaring guns have belched and| spluttered showers of shot into compact masses of human creatures ; | believe that those mortars have flung shells into a city, blowing up the habitations of industrious men, and burying whole families in a fiery | tomb! Behold the smoke cleared away; and then picture upon the | field ten thousand human creatures, dead, or dying, in every orrible | condition of ‘human agony, and then make answer, and—as you are a. rational creature, wed with an immortal soul for an immortal | destiny—say, wherefore such strife, such sacrifice, such cost of blood and cost of wealth (which, y taxation, may be blood, though not shed in war)—when the ing aspirations of man should make reason, not ‘force, the arbitrator? Brains, not balls—hearts, not howitzers?” And in this way, as we conceive, Mr. CoppeN, as a) member of the Crystal Palace Commission, may turn to profit the | sham-fight of the Champ-de-Mars. Haply, too, Mz. Tuomas Cartyte may eloquently preach thereon. For has he not sent a letier—a veritable palm-leaf—to the Peace Congress sitting in Exeter Hall? A letter in which—said the news- paper reports—were weighty words of sympathy and approval? There- | ore, it was not too much to hope that CantyLe himself, smiting with root of olive tree, the hollow drum, would prove to a reflecting world - hat tambour is ! what an empty wind-box ! ; ¥ and Utopian ideas!” Poor Utopia; ever ee. at ; though in some way ever palpably under our feet | Do we not live, and have footing in what ancestors? Call up Georcz Tue Turn: take) : let him receive a letter by the veeay-past y then, aforesaid letter by electricity. Thas topia , of prejudice, omnes te solid globe of practised i i ight be collected of the portraits of — ack ieee as GALILEO and aver, and | enner, and Wart, and Sternenson, and WuHeaTsTows | and Row ianp “H and—(he is now the newest; for he—poor entbndiatt-—doeuns oF6 Winter Garden)—and Joseru Paxton ! Ir would seem that the Lords, in resisting the admission of Jews to Parliament, would convert every Jew so elected into a standing PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. annular Condenser, and admi:ed some | Telekerephona, which was very curious. joke, rather than allow him to be a sitting member. RAILWAY DIALOGUES. Ax Ecprary Lapv, very nervous. Finer Crass Passewouns. (A Youre Gewrieman, full of the Exhibition. A Ditto, Ditto. First Gentleman. You are speaking of the gold-embroidered cope? Very noble, was it not? And that beautifal crosier of jewels? _ Second Gentleman. Yes; the canonicals, take them all in all, are exces. sively costly ; but the crosier searcely seemed to me rich enough. Elderly Lady (to herself, very frightened), Jesuits ! ’ (Sereens herself with her pocket-book First Gontinee (after a pause). Did you examine the instruments in allery ? Second Gentleman. With particular attention. I liked that sphero. tes exceedingly; and a wonderfully ; as well as « id you try the Persuasive Bone-crusher ? Elderly Lady (very faint). Will you allow me to open this window, Sir’ __ Second Gentleman, With pleasure, Madam—(continuing). It’s a pity if you did not try it. The action of it is sweetly pretty ;—as well as a improved Salmometer, which I examin rst Gentleman, That Zinickotimodai, for the waistcoat-pocket wasn’t bad ? Second Gentleman. Nor the Autophlebotomon for children. But | have my doubts whether the Lyra Ventura would not be too much for a person with weak lungs. Elderly Lady (paler and paler). Gentl—— First Gentleman (suddenly), There are some capital pistols down stairs Elderly Lady (groaning from corner of the carriage). Ob, dear ! Second Gentleman. W here ? First Gentleman (pointing in the direction of a parcel, by the side of which the Expenty Lapy is sitting). Why, under the—that— Elderly Lady (who has taken a ticket for Sout. on). Here, Guard let me out instantly. I stop at Vauxhall —(She ts helped out, more dead than alice—and, as she is leaving, says, very acidly) Young gentlemen, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves ! First Gentleman (when she has left), Curious old lady ! Second Gentleman. Very—but, d’ye know, I noticed something ver queer in her whilst we were talking. I think she was drunk. [ They resume their conversation as the train proceed: new kind of Scalping-Knife seized my Uncle. “So, you’ve Been To Tae Crystat Patace—Have rou, Ges!” Gus. “ Yes, Unciz.” Uncle. “ Weir, vow, I’tx etve rou Sixpence iF YOU WILL TE ME WHAT YOU ADMIRED most 1x THaT Tempte ov Ixpustry!” Gus. (unhesitatingly ). “Vest anv Amu Piss, asp tas Gincen Bex Give us tae Sixpence!" - ————— “Pull Inside.” Tux Lowther Arcade, in wet weather, is always crowded with ladies waiting for conveyances. A facetious conductor of our acquaimtanc calls it “The Haunt of the Rein-Deer.” Printed by William Brilfbury, of No. 13, U wi Ofhes tn Lombard Strecs:in the Procises of red both in the County of Proaters, # vans, Middlesex, Ay t= t of Lendos.—Saresn.t, August 9b, b>! Stoke Newingtor Nor S, Pinct Street la the Pariah of St. Bride's inthe Gy at, ah Bie ne oF r= &. ow =— o.T,

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pocket But | uch for 1 stairs | of certain Churchmen, whose creed PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 75 THE PROTESTANT GRANARY IN ROME. [3 Re we to have a Protestant Church in Rome?” This ques-| \ tion put to Lory Laxspowye| was finally answered by his Lord- | gh ship, “I am afraid not.” ‘The| Minister also wisely said—“ It was an established maxim of the | Court of Rome to have one degree of toleration at Home, | and another for itself in all other countries.” Even as it might be an established custom | with bishops in Utopia to preach the loveliness of self-denial to all other persons, the episcopal preachers themselves taking some ten thousand a year for the “== sermon. : “ Shining lights deserve pre- cious candlesticks.” A very good saw, this, of the old divine, full of the belief of the Christian uses of splendid bishoprics. Now the Bisnor or Loxpon is fast in this creed of sumptuosity; not even Mr. Horsman shall convert him to the pauper faith of the primitive fathers. Buomrtecp is a shining light; and of virgin gold fiashing with many a carbuncle, with many a healing, episcopal amethyst, is the candlestick of Fulham. How could Bishops burn the true light to the nations, unless set up in plural candelabra of gold of Ophir ? Aptly, beautifully, did Bisnor Bromrreip plead for the necessity of a Protestant church at Rome, “where the external and internal decorations are proportional to the important sacr:d objects to which they are applied :’’ and—can we doubt it ?—the Bisnor or Lonpon can lay his hand upon his pocket, and avouch his belief that a bishop of £20,000 a year— ground-rents and leases included—is at once a proper external and internal decoration of a Christian temple. Self-denial being the spirit of Christianity, money-changing, lease-granting bishops are the best, the most exemplary illustrations of the humility of their faith. And this is now a daily spectacle, at which the profane laity | stare with something more than wonderment; a market-dealing in the | Temple at which backsliding dissent thrusts its tongue in its cheek, and wags is irreverent peor Do we want a constant farce—an hourly burlesque for the laughter of the heathen? We have it in the doings it is to be simple fishers of men; | but whose acts are the rapacity of rovers. Peter's boat has too often become a privateer; nay, when it is very hazy weather, it is difficult | always to make out the Lamb in the ensign of the boat pushed from the willowy bank of Fulham. But to return to Rome—(by the way, not so great a distance as | + ey one time reckoned from the Thames, Fulham side, to Tiber).—| he Bisnor or Lowpow said : “It is true that there is a granary at Rome used as a Protestant | chapel by our countrymen: and that it is large enough for those who usually attend it, but—” | And here the Bishop—as becomes a Bishop of his yearly in-comings | —touches upon the want of external and internal decorations ; a want, | no doubt, acutely felt by a prelate with a particularly fine eye to church | effect ; to what the p bd of criticism calls the mise en scéne of a Protestant temple; as exhibited to overflowing congregations at St. | ma and originally got up under the smiling sanction of BLom¥ieLp | imseil. Pio Noxo—it is believed—will allow no better temple to Protestants than that afforded by a granary; whilst, at the same time, he has published proposals for building a rival cathedral in London, pitting against Gop’s St. Paul’s, a Pore’s St. Peter's! And, it is said, the subscriptions are coming in; brought down by indulgence—the Pore’s’ old lightning-rod set up to make comfortable commodities of Heaven’s judgments. The spirit of Terze1—if we may believe London's Bachan —goes about England with his pediar’s box; selling salvation to all purchasers; and snipping bits of redemption to fine ladies, as a mercer, Snips rl | nd if this really be whose the fault? If we are to have a St. Peter’s in London, who really laid the first stone of that Porr’s fortress, another battery thrown up to awe the liberty of human thought? Have no prelates worked both consciously and uncon- sciously at the edifice? Worked with their own hands ; worked with their own worldly avarice ? Sr. Baxnazsas had flowers stuck in his button-hole by a Protestant prelate ; —— put between the | Saint’s fingers? Let truth work this sum :-—Gi ey: A ayear. In one year, how many nters are made! The Speaker shall Lawl F Re . ny-pieces, and | _— ates y t ishop’s yearl ld: a sum levied in the name of Christian large pewter-pot, in which he shal! shake as as leases, self-denial ; and ott collected in the spirit of = ihenan Prator? What | which, in A e of the assembled House, he fei d throw them on the KD FALKLAND said, may now be repeated with even a more sor-|green-baize table. to is, a8 applied to what is still called the Established | Church—“ Religion has produced riches, and the mother has devoured! then the “ Heads” of the House shall be ven, a Bishop with and the Irish Members, and public agitators, the “ tai the daughter.” Many a Protestant is the spiritual father of thousands of backsliders. An Establi Chareh, with her founda- tions laid in the Bank cellars! An Established Church, with ber Bishops, so many eyeless Samsons, tearing down her pillars { And with these thoughts, the Christian of London's Bishop on the granary temple, the Protestant c at Rome, does not melt us. We are even content that Protestants (“it is enough for those who usually attend it’’) should continue to prefer their prayers beneath the simple roof, where grain was hoarded: grain, it may be, winnowed from chaff and husk; a type of purity not wholly useless to the thoughts of pious worshippers. nm = that granary church may, in its rudeness, in the very nakedness of its poverty, preach the intrinsic purity of Christianity : may show in beautiful contrast to the Cathedral lof St. Peter’s; that spiritual stithy where, amidst Soaring pew, at which the heart sickens, with muttered incantations, mystic dronings, the spiritual fetters of the human soul are “1+ ; made red. | y hot in purgatorial fires, and hammered and fashioned and his Cyclops Priests. Opposed to St. Peter’s, blazing with gold, and foul with incense,— how much more like a Christian temple, that naked, unadorned gra : even should it retain some odour of its past uses, some hint of the bread by which men live ? Nevertheless, let us believe in the sorrow of the Bisnor or Lowpon that a Christian service should be performed, shorn of what he believes to be its internal and external decorations ;—gold and velvet within, and Bishops and Pluralists without, being of them. Let us believe in the Bishop, and then, must we not ask of him—“ Are there not in England churches no better than granaries? Are there not English ministers with salaries no higher than the wages of millers’ men ? Why weep over the granary Church at Rome, a the granary Churches of England and Wales may, at your own will, be transformed to temples?’ And then, how many well- inted Preachers of the Word —men whose office should be their best worldly pomp—might be obtained from the superfluities of the Bisnor or Lonpow ?” In the meantime, we can bear with the Protestant Granary at Rome. It may seem in us wicked infidelity to a Bishop of £30,000 per annum ; but we can calmly entertain the idea of worship offered up in a granary, to that Divinity that first beamed on men from a manger. uLcaw P10 THE CHEAPSIDE LADDIE. On, where! and oh, where! is your worthy Worship gone ? ] bave gone to see the French, and I’ve nothing to put on ; And it’s ob, in my heart! don’t I wish I’d stopp’d at home ? Oh, how! and oh, how! was it such ill luck befel ? Oh, my luggage it was left behind, and where I cannot tell, They were in so great a hurry to ring the railway I ope, and I s’pose, a French you must try? And how expensive that will be, to have new clothes to buy ; And |’m sure when I’ve got them on, I shall look a precious Guy. RULES FOR THE BETTER BEHAVIOUR OF HONOURABLE MEMBERS. Lorp Jowx Russet has brought up An = of the Committee appointed to inquire into the order in whieh Hon. Members should roceed to the House of Peers, whenever their atten is requested y Her Masesty. The recommendations of the Committee are so curious, that they remind us more of the instructions given by a Beadle to a troop of charity children, as to how they are to fall into procession when they go to church, and how they are to behave there, and in what way they are to come away from it. On our wor of profound ridicule, no one would think of doubting—the recommenda- tions of the Committee are fully as ridiculous as the following :— As not more than a certain number of little boys can attend the Bar of the House of Lords at the same time, every little boy who wishes to go must send in his name to bis Master (the Sreaxen) a full week in advance. a (the SrzaxeR) shall the On sane and for oom name he shall take a penny-piece, w number ny-pieces he shall divide into an equal number of “ heads and ‘ails Hf “4 As a general rule, the clever Members shall are t the “ heads, ost after the throw, If there is a greater number of heads ed to go and stare at VoL. XXI. | hich, on a matter |

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| 76 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIV ARI Hen Maseety. But if there is am jority of “ Tails,” then the House must not get more than it can help at being represented, during the royal mterview, by the Irish Members. Daring the interview, the following rules must he "strictly attended to:— The boys must form in a ion of four abreast. The big boys must go first, and the little boys afterwards. They must not sing, nor whistle, nor catch flies, nor make faces, nor crow, nor bray, nor give way to any juvenile imitations, as they enter the House of Lords. ‘ ; No little boy must jump on the shoulders of another little boy in the | presence of Her Majesty. — y All games of peg-top, pitch-and-toss, highcockalorum, and scratch- cradle are strictly forbidden whilst Hun Masesry is speaking. Any little boy found “ taking a sight” at the Loxp Cuancecton, or any of the Peers, will be instantly expelled the House. Mr. Alderman Gulchin—Ugh! (he is swept away in a rush of Porters | and Passengers.) Oh !—my—lug—(he disappears.) | [A ery without, “ The Lord Mayor!” | Enter the Lonp Maron and Suite. Powtcer exert themselves. A line is made to the Train, The Lond Mayor enters a carriage. A Sheriff (striving to follow him). Now, then, I’m one o’ the Sheriffs. Policeman (without any respect). Stand back, will you ? ‘Shoves him back with his bdton. Mr. Alderman Portsoken (wildly, from window of carriage). There’s a green paper box—here—there it is—hollo!— | ( His voice is drowned by the engine-whistle, | Mrs. Alderman Portsoken (with a wild cry, which is heard above the | whistle). It’s all my things. Oh, please— (The Engine gives three eager whistles. A rush of Passengers takes place. Several combats of four and upwards. Luggage is seen vaguely passing through the air. A bell rings loudly. Other Engines in the Station begin to scream in the general excitement. Trains And lastly, any little boy convicted by his Master (the Srzaxen) of breaking any of the above rules, will never be allowed permission to attend the Howse of Lords a second time. Really, from the very grave manner in which the Committee has laid | down its absurd recommendations, one would imagine that Members are no better than Common Councilmen, and that they are in the habit of “mobbing” the Queen every time she goes to Parliament, in the same vulgar manner as aldermen and tradesmen do, when she goes to a ball im the City, There is very little difference, it would appear, between the House of Commons and Guildhall ! THE ALDERMEN’S WEEK IN PARIS. A Very Bad Entertainment, in Several Tableaux. Scawr 1.—T7he South-Eastern Railway Station.—The Speciai Tram is ranged alongside the platform, with its steam ALDERMEN and ther Ladies, Common Counct.men and their Wives, Rovat Com- missioners, Executive CoMMISSIONERS, distinguished persons, and undistinguished persons, are seen jammed into an incredibly small space, behind the barriers. From time to time a desperate attempt is made to call them. Imggage is seen passing towards the Train on the other side of the barricade, Pollesman. Now, gents—it ain’t no use a-squeeging. Keep back there, —keep back ! Let \ sidernan\willle'. recognising a portmanteau), Hi!—holio!—them ’s my things! (He leaps at the barricade, but falls heavily back. let Common Councilman (on whom he has fallen, with a yell of agony). Ob, my toes! Oh, confound it !—I say, you, Sir— [ His voice is suddenly squeezed out of him. Qnd Alderman (who has the Chair, addressing himself with dignity to the Police Force). Here! Open the gates, somebody, this instant! Here’s pretty treatment of the Corporation—ish—ulch— He is violently pressed against the barriers. lst Alderman’s Lady (who has been anxiously following the fortunes o a bonnet-hox, now threatened by a heavy portmanteau). be careful—oh ! (T'se portmanteau descends). speak to them, Ma. Guicur. let Alderman (endeavouring to obey orders). pressed between two of the Executive Commitice). Common Councilman, Now, then! it’s scandalous. ‘Ere, you, Sir. Stand off me, will you? A Send ie person as a batlering-ram. B. n the ! Gunace Cnclinns Shame! Where’s the Lonp Mayor? be. be. oe. Police! Oh!—uagh!—ere! ee ee Now, then! o-pen the gates! Oh! oy! [The gates are opened, and the flood burats in with a rush, spreading Right upon my box !—Do Hi—you—(He is com- | sn ang the platform, and a strong lide setting in towasds the uggage. 3rd Alderman (laying violent hands on a carpet-bag which a Royal Commissioner is walking off with). Now—you, Sir—drop that ; it’s mine. Royal Commissioner, *s a gteen one. Eh ?—beg your pardon. Hollo—there it is! (Rushing after Common Councilman, who has appropriated his carpet.bag. 2nd Common Councilman, Where’s my black trank? Anybody got) ny ings won, by — re Dot.or ? dee } [Fanishes = @ tmanteaus, trunks,and hat-bores, from | which the words, “ Fount _— name of Dour,” are heard to} proceed, , abi let Porter eal pee Sond box). By your leave, (Hits Ma. Atpenman Mr. Alderman Gulchin. On! 2nd Porter. By your \eave, (Hits =. | ULCHEN tn the Lack. | fin ALpERMAN GuLCHIN ti te ahdomen. begin to move gradually. Terrifie struggle of Potice, Poxters, Atpgeamen, ond Executive CoMMIssiongrs. Mr. Alderman Gulchin (slowly emerging from a mass of luggage, in @ tome of despuir). Mus. G.’s gone, and all my trunks. He seats himself sadly om somebody else’s portmanteau. | Tableau.—Bereaved Passengers lamenting the loss of their Luggage. Scene closes as second Train slowly moves into the Station. Scewz Il. —TZhe Steamer—The Deck of the “ Princess Helena,” in a bobbingjSea, The rest of the picture is left to the imagixation, } Oh, man! pray | | Pain Commoner (wildly clinging to the tulwarks). Ach Gott! | '0-0-0-0! Chorus of Foreign Commissioners. O-0-0'—O-0-0! | The Lord Mayor (tothe Captain, ina compressed manner, endeavouring to smile). Uncommonly pleasant day, Capt’n—delightf— (He rushes to the side. Mrs. Alderman Portsoken. Oh, take me down—somebody. Mx. Port- SOKEN, | insist on being took down this min—— (She follows the Lord Maror. | Mr. Alderman Portsoken. Oh—Manrtanr— {He follows Mas. P. (The Band strikes up “‘ Rule, Britannia, Britannia rules the Waves!” Tableau.—Civic Authorities sacrificing to Neptune. (Scene closes on the utter wretchedness of everybody. Scewe Ill.—The Landing—The Jetty at Bonlogne, erveded with Douaniers, Visitors, Matelots, Matelottes, Touters, Seidiers, the os or BouLoeys, the Sou-Pravret, Boulogne Rathoay Directors, e., Fe. | The Loxp Maxon fechly climbs the ladder, followed by his Jockey, in his | splendid gold-luced jacket and cap. M ' . le Maire (seizing the Jockey by the hand), Permit—My Lozp Mayor—that I welcome you—— e

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVART. 77 io Ga anion. No, Sir; that’s the Lonp Mayor (poiating _ ii Le m sure I'd rather have cohen Sateen if L’d 10 Ats Lr tp). R, &. M. le Maire (confused). Ah, ga—comment—(recovering himself, oF Hes, Alderman Portsoken (sharply, and with a hind of seizing the Lowy Mayor). Permit that I welcome your Lordship to the | ¢rinmps). Well, Mr. P., and what’s to ee done now, we if you a port of Boulogne !—(A complimentary Address.) Mr. Alderman Portsoken. Weil, ° *d better go on to the Crowd (to the Jockey). Vive le Lox Marne! Hotel de Wille, where we’re to ‘ole, ad I'll send down alter the (The Jockey is surrounded and overwhelmed with respectful con-|\trunks—they ’re sure to come on by the next train gratulations. | Mrs, Alderman Portsoken (bitterly). Oh, Tdow't | t feel sure of anything lst Matelotte. Est-il chonette le Lon Marae ! \of the kind. 2ad Mateiotte, Oh, la jolie ! | Commissionnaire (who has comprehended the situation). Cab, Sare >— | The Jockey, who does not French, resigns himself to general Yes, Save! (Rushing to the remise, calls) Fiacre—ohé ! admiration, Aldermen, Common Counciimen, and their Wives,| Driver of Fiacre. V’\a— Foreign Commissioners, Royal and Lreculive nihtee-men, S-c The Piaere drives ap. Mins. P., Vins. G., and the luggage are put in. &e., fhe ascend the ladder, looking very lump and unsteady. Mr. Alderman Portsoken (mounting last, with pride). A \e Hétel de voli he fom = fos Fae — sonnet 8, the only Wille. | ic 13 ge). Point ’ meur—l|aissez-la— ; ispersing in Search dgings Mr, Aiderman Portsoken (who 1s generally believed able to talk French Tableau. Civic Dignitaries ¢ aa ele | and believes so himself, clinging to all that is left him). Qui, oui, c est : 3 mon carpet-bag—il n’a riensmuggled—N on, non—Je suis un A) derman. Scene V.—Ontside the Hétel de Ville-—The doors are closed, Piles of Dowanver (brutally). Laissez, dove! cré nom d'un a ice luggage strew the : [His carpet-bag is torn from him, Aldermen, Common Council- Ars, Alderman Gulchin (ditractedig), Ol Ob, » Aor sGuicwm? Has men, and their Wives, are seen anybody seen him ? disconsolately seated wpon disappears in the crowd, in search of her Husband different articles. Gamins are A Voice. Au chemin de fer ! gathered round, watching [The Lory Mayor is ushered off. A general rush to the Railway them with curious interest, Station. and indulging in speculations Douaniers (darting among the crowd, and laying piolent hands on trunks, about them. Mr. ALDERMAN | carpet-bags, and hat-bozes). Les bagages ! ! les bagages! Sac-r-r-r-é PortTsoKEN and parly have (Several desperate but ineffectual attempts are made to speak French. | been just set down, Tableau.—Civic Authorities being deprived of their lst Alderman (boiling over with remaining Luggage. | outraged dignity), Here’s Port- — |SOKEN; he can tell these chaps Scene IV.—The Station of the Boulogue Railway at Paria —A crowd [that we're the Aldermen, anc assembled. The Carriage of Ceremonial in “<5 the Prevet or _ _ wae poe ou THE Seine is attendance. The Train arrives. The Lomp Mayor |) but when we triedito follow him, descends from the first carriage with his Jockey, Tesine, the Mandarin of the Junk, descends from the next carrvage. they sbut the door in our faces. ls¢ Common Counetlman Crowd (divided between the Jockey and the Mandarin). Vive \e Tox’ think, Max. P., there don’t seem RB! \to be amy rooms ready for us; M. le de la Seine (embarrassed, and aside to the Prench Com- | but I dare say they don’t under- — "est Ini ? (He ts about to seize the hand of the Jockey.| stand who we are. Just tell*em. French Commissioner (rapidly, and aside). eS celui-la—le vieux. Mr. Alderman Portsoken. Qh ! M. le Préfet de la Seine (with @ profound bow, and making a violent | [’\\ tell ’em fast enough: it will f —_ to embrace Hzstnc). Permettez, M. le Lom Marne be all right—you ‘ll see, he Lerd Mayor (thrusting himself forward). Here—\’m the Lord ' Exit into the Porter's Mar A lapse of ten mi le Préfet de la Shine (ouch relieved Ah! (Delivers himeelf of a and appropriate address. Exit the Lonp| Reenter Mn. Aupeaman Port. Mayor malic to to the carriages. The Aldermen attempt {o| S®EN, very much crest fallen. ima eevee fy Guards. Clumsy Alderman. Weil! Have Mr. A You talk F . Portsoxex. ‘Tell him| yon explained to ’em? It’s all | we're the Aldermen; and say, I’ve passed the Chair; and we ve as —— much right totee tweaked with reapeot.as the Loup Man. Alderman Portwoken (sa- Mr. Fortuton (ote Yok thet das clock of Prewch:i being a 4 It’s toohad. There’» only unduly drawn upon, but ia deteruined to keep wp kis credit). Nous| room hese for the Lown Mayor. sommes ———— nous aliens with le Lomp Maron—s’il vous plait. | Chorus of Circ Digni- | Municipal Guard. Ko arriére—Messieurs—En arriére | faries, Shame ! (They are forced back. | Mr. Alderman Port- Mr. Alderman Candlewieh (indignantly). Look '|—Lhere ’sthat Chinese| sokem. I said we were chap a-getting in— | the Aldermen; but they Mrs. Alderman ye Gieguated with the want of respect shown to wouldn't hear of anything the Corporation). I said how it would be, Mr. P., if you didn’t wear| but the Lonp Mayor. your gowns and chains.—You’d Were put ’em on now—you had. | lst Alderman (with aw- | Mr, Alderman Portsoken. Egad! (think we had, CanpLew1cx—here! | ful dignity). Did you ex- | —( Eagerly inspecting the luggage, which is being ‘umbled down.)—Hoilo!— plain what an Alderman —a brown portmanteau—Kh ?—No—that ain’t it.—Now, then—Sir— | was Turning orer the pile. Mr. Alderman Port- Mrs. Alderman Gulchin (discovering Mus. Portsokes). Oh, my dear,| soken. There ain’t any

|| | rhhbid “Ug j AA iii

[ hope you haven’t lost Mr. P.? French word for it—but Mrs. Alderman Porfeoken. No—he’s there—but I should n’t wonder|{ described the sart of | if we’ve lost our lu e— thing—and they said they = | Mrs, Alderman Gu mend. erg 4 to a pile of trunks and band-boxes).| believed there was lodg- x | Oh—I’ve all the th Ma. G.’s been and got left behind at|ings provided for the _— | the = Landen Bridge Station. |Lorp Mavyonr’s guard in c Alderman Portsoken (rushing back frentically). Confound it, | the ¢ Javalry Barracks. = Mae ns. P. ! I'll be hanged if all our boxes ain’t lost. Every one of them!| Let Alderman (in tow- , Site Mrs. Alderman Portsoken (shrilly). What! the green box, with my | ering indignation), Bar- ie things for the ball ? lracks! Put us im the P= Mr. Alderman Portsoken. Yes—and the brown portmanteau, with my} Barracks! Let’s insist gown—and the Lieutenancy uniform! (Slankly.) Here’s a go! lon seemg his Lordship. Mra, Aiderman Portsoken. A go—imdeed! Just like you, Mx. P. [t’ 8 his business to see Whatever is to be done ! | we’re treated with pro- Tne Buriss ALORRMAN ACCORDING TO THR

Mrs. Alderman Guichin. Oh, Mas. P.; but at all events you’ve got! per anenets RivicoLoos Paer.

rtm a

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i3 PUNCH. OR TIIE LONDON CHARIVARL Gow of Civie i. Ob, it’s too bad! We won't stand it!— | men’s waistcoats you could get into. But I vote we impeach the Mrs. A orlsoken, Weil, Mr. P. 1 laae Mayor or not—I — yo we we get back. amadae . so tenet i ppose ain’t to sleep in the streets? [ insist on being taken to s derman. \t’s scandalous ment, us to ro it in lod ng this sieate, 4 . this way—twelve in a room, and our | cht behind, and nothink | rs, Alderman Gulchin. Ob! this is dreadful, to be exposed in this way | comfortable! Catch me pleasuring at Paris again! | among the foreigners, and no Ma. G. ay ; lst Common Councilman. And there’s the dinner to-morrow, and ever | #7 Pontsoxex, radiant, followed by Commissionnaires and Palas | map Adit, ont gy oo the hotels are all full. | on va - oa mint : | Common man, t sa are ail £ orus . there's TSO u Ss Mrs. Alderman Gulchin, Ob, 3. b, is to be done! Portsoken. With dresses for all of you. Now, then, look alive! I’ve | lst Alderman. And this is what they calls entertaining the Corporation! | had precious work to find your measures, I can tell you. — lst Alderman (with dignified reserve). *re Court ey The ? Tableau.—The Lodgingless and Luggageless Ones. Portsoken (slightly taken aback), Not exactly our kind of its, ——_______- you know; bat the style that ’s worn in high society here—so I’m told. ‘ ‘The bundles are unpacked, the clothes distributed. And as words are | Scenz VIi.—Dressing for the Ball.—Time, five o'clock om Saturday. A incapable y dearitiag what the Aldermen looked like when Barrack-room in Meunice’s, packed with every variety of shakedown. | dressed & la mode de Paris, we leave the task to our Artist's | Luggageless Aldermen discovered in various stages of deshabille, pencil. lat Alderman (stout). Five o'clock !—and the dinner ’s fixed at half- Tableau.—Dressing for the Banquet. six! Whatever is to be done, if Pomrsoxen can’t find things to (The rest of the adventures of the Aldermen’s Week, the Ball at the Hétel | ? | de Ville, the Water-works at Versailles, the Féte at St. Cloud, and the us! Qnd Alderman (thin). I say, Cawpiewicx! there ain’t many French- Review ia the Champ de Mars, must be reserced for our next.) , Nee 2h w/a re) a 3 Oy LL ra! V, ~# > | bd aa "2 -* => — a ae \=— Ps = iS — - listes —— “ Pot 3 mais os St BSS Ss SSS S NY S S YY THE UNHAPPY ALDERMEN, HAVING LOST THEIR LUGGAGE, ‘ARE OBLIGED TO BE RIGGED OUT IN FRENCH CLOTHES. The Long and the Short of it. An Aldermanic Joke. Ma. Cuariin said, at railway meeting, that “it had been remarked| W® have already sent twenty pounds anonymously to the Cuav- that when the speeches were , the dividend was always short.” C&LLOR or THe Excurques, to try and quiet our conscience for having This is not unlike our Houses of Parliament, where the speeches are | perpetrated the followmg:—During the late Paris fétes, somebody much too long, and the dividend (of public good) far too short. We | *5ked, in the hearing of an Alderman, what was the cause of the wonder if reversing the system—which has been tried long enough— | residence of the Préfet being called the Hotel de Ville. “Clear would be attended with a contrary effect. Perhaps if the speeches | @®0ugh!” was the Aldermanic reply: “it’s called the Hétel de Veal were shorter, the dividends might be longer ; or, better still, perhaps if | because it’s so beautifully ca/eed all over. there were no speeches at all, the dividends might attain that extreme | lied Ge an a length that nothing short of the abolition of the National Debt would | wrest aie 4aee" be the end of it! . Tse Mansion House is to be enlarged immediately ; for it is rumoured We recommend a trial by all means, as there is everything to gain, | that the Loxp Mayor has grown so big since his vis:t to Paris, that it and nothing to lose by it! will be much too small to hold him.

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' | | : \/ = ae Wald : BET un NT) r D\. =— Ba) ae Hyg ,, 7S f \ ee i = >) MR. JOHN BULL IN HIS WINTER GARDEN

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL PUNCH’S LUMBER-TROOPER IN PARIS. RACIOUSLY wishing to give a most original account of the sham-fight fought in honour of the English visitors at Paris, Punch wholly regardless of expense, entered into arrangements with Captain Fiasn- rvpaw of the Lamber Troop, to supply the article. The Captain has served (as defendant) in several actions; and has also seen some service in the Fleet. “ Hotel de Caniche, Auguat 7. “Mr. Puncu,—I have the honour to sit down, covered with dust, to give you the details—from a bird’s-eye view—of one of the most glorious sham-fights ever yet fought upon the field of fietion. If I know the yourself and readers, you will, I know, pardon me, if at the earliest raph, I state ‘that the Lopp Mayor is safe! His left whisker was blown off in an early patt of the day; which necessitated the shaving of the right; his Lordship, as a ish merchant, knowing the propriety of a r balance. ALpgrMan SaLomons—(he im- velealiy appeared in real gold epaulets as a City Artilleryman of the Reed Sea division) —was surprised, and carried off by the enemy on the | first attack; but was returned ‘better as new,’ in the manner to his hotel in the eveni “The morning broke beautifully; and—it being 95 im the shade— there was every belief that the river would be hotly disputed. The Champ de Mars was on the left of the Seine; the Trocadero and the Bois Boulogne, on the right. Out of eomplin ent to the Lozp Mayor, who was dressed as a full ral of Lanceis, and se ina tribume, flanked on each side by a of London troops on the left to move en echellom across the river, to the ‘ Roast Beef of Old England? Their fire was gallantly received—as much of it as came—by the t: on the right. “ Here, however, the troops from the Trocadero deplo quick time, all but turning the flank of a pontoon. have been certain, only at this critical juncture a battery threw off its mask, and played away in real earnest. To form a hollow square, an | so cover the counterscarp—materially weakened by the artillery of the | enemy—was only the act of fifteen minutes. And then * * * * |* * * But here, I to say that the increased firing prevented my seeing anything but elouds of smoke, that rolled in the most magni- ficent manner to the other side of the river. “At this moment a splendid movement was made by the Cara- bineers, determined to carry the post of the enemy, or perish in the attempt, when—[J am again compelled to omit details, the smoke being thicker than ever was made, when—[ Smoke) at double- would “ Here a brilliant charge 1. : | .“Covering the heights, and then deploying to the left, the artillery of the enemy blazing a and—{ Consequently more smoke). ‘The smoke clearing olf here occurred one of those heart-delighting, soul-subliming incidents that make war the game of demigods. I have already said the day was hot: at this moment the mercury stood at | 120; when—the smoke cleared off. Then might be seen both armies nearing the banks of the Seine. The men approached each other fear- lessly ; threw down their caps and muskets ; Le grand Maire de Londres—ie Palais Paxton—Ponche—and so forth. All asperity of feeling seemed forgotten! Cigars were about to be exchanged, when suddenly the bugles sounded; the drums beat to arms ; the rival soldiery embraced; parted with mutual expressions of fraternity; and, before could say ‘Jack Robinson,’ were again | at the bayonet’s point. Then, the stupid philosopher would have th t, why not shake hands for ‘ever? But the cannon roared: Smoke—smoke—smoke war—was—{ J “ Returned to my inn, I have the honour to remain, “ Yours, in shirt-sleeves and slippers, “Hawwrpat Fiasnuvpay.” again war—magnificent, glorious CAUTION. \WHEREas &@ quantity of FRENCH MONEY is in Circulation, this CAUTION is given to ali young - =ey - who are in the habit of going to — of Publie Amusement, to look carefully at the Silver receive in exehange ~ their Gold ; or, otherwise, they will pocket a loss ot One Shilling and Th Bot more, upon every Five-Frane Piece they to say nothing of the additional loss of reepe receive in lieu of a Five-Shilling Ditio; Frane that - > preeiation at the very least, for every miserable is palmed upon them for an honest Shilling; in addition to a further im the value of , caused ber of Little ten-sous pictes being substituted for am equal number of valuable Sixpence,” (Signed) COLONEL PUNCH, Inspector- General of Moral Police. THE SONG OF THE PUMP; As supposed to have been sung at the Grand Teetotal Demonstration of August 4, How sad the delusion—how great the mistake— That om ny cures gout, cholic, and phthisic ; That it heals any ailment, relieves the least ache,' Or in any way answers as physic! And, oh! how fallacious the doctrine they teach— Those unphilosophical thinkers— Who would make you believe that care never can reach The souls of deep-swilling wine-drinkers ! *Tisn’t true that the lover, when pallid with grief, Can from toping derive consolation ; Taking glass after glass will afford no relief, But = | to intoxication. When they tell you there’s nothing to tipple like beer, That it best suits the human interior, Don’t believe them; pump-water, salubrious and clear, Is in ev'ry respect far superior. Cups of kindness to quaff is completely absurd,— t is silly to pledge friends at table ; Why not be content to wish health with a word, Since to wish it is all that you’re able ? What an error with drink when you servants repay, Or workmen excite to exertion! . ~ care not for grog or malt-liquor,—not they ! 0; they hold such rewards in aversion. How erroneous the notion that funerals are made Less m ul, or weddings more merry, By anything stronger than nice lemonade— By your claret, champagne, port, or sherry !| A hospital, playhouse, or church Le a a found, Ah! why must the liquor be flowing When a beadle 's sworn in, or a bishop enthroned, Why are bottles and barrels set going ? When you christen a baby, what need you to sip Strong liquor? you’d better not take it. bad. bangs do as you do when you christen a ship ? ve your bottle, but fling it and break it. This, this is the way, boys, your bottle to crack, In pastime so genial hearty ; And 1’m sure a companion you never will lack, If L can be one of your party. PALMERSTON THE FRIEND OF ITALY. Lonp Patmerston—he announced the fact amid the cheers of the House—has had copies of Mr. GLapstowe’s pamphilet on the atrocities ked to one another about | , and throw away bayonets for | of the Kuve or Narues sent to our Ministers at the various Courts of Europe. When a murderer, a burglar, or a footpad commits a crime, the description of the culprit is printed in the Hue and Cry, and sent to all police offices. Kiyo Ferpivann’s portrait, drawn from demoniac life, is by this time in the hands of our Ambassadors and Consuls. How is it painted ? “ Head, big as biggest bomb-shell; and filled with the same diabolical materials. Mouth, a faux Averni—nose, the Bridge of Sighs.” Lonp Patwenstow praised Mz. Gtapstows for not diving into voleanoes and exploring excavated cities: but, on the other hand, for ing to Neapolitan Courts of Justice, and ng into dungeons. lis Lordship counselled other Buglish gentlemen to copy Ma. GLADsToONR’s example ; counsel more easily given than followed : for, doubtless, the Kine or Naries will not feel so much flattered by the GLADSTONE portrait, as to sit for other copies. Any way, the Kiwe FerprsanD, gibbeted by the English printer, now in the office of every English embassy. And ¢his is something. ¢ trust that the Friends of italy will lose no time in electing PaLMEeRsTON an honorary and honoured member. é : By-the-way, Ma. Cocuraweg—who has written a book, in which he shows the Kine or Narizs as a King of a most charming and, to his subjects, most nutritious King— Mx. Cocunane threw himself between De Lacy Evaws and the Royal Bombshell. There nee, | is an old proverb— Un Ingtese Ltalianato E un diavolo incarnate. As Mr. Cocwraye nominally represents an English constituency, let him cultivate English Soolings. If the Kive or Narces is to have a lucifer to show his merits, let not the match be British oak tipped with Neapolitan brimstone. s

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PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES.——No. 3. HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND, LANDED AT MILFORD HAVEN, ON HIS ENTERPRISE AGAINST RICHARD THE THIRD, AUGUST 7th, 1485. LORD MAYOR’S ARRIVAL ON THE SHORES OF FRANCE. THE moment it was known that the Civic Mayoralty had selected | Boulogne as the spot which the civic pumps should first press on their visit to the shores of France, that impulsive watering-place was all alive | —from the tip of the feather of the hat of the tall Swiss to the lowest welt on the highlow of the smallest drummer. By an early hour, the | flags of all nations—among which we recognised some decided Bandannas—were floating round a square apace on the Part, presenting | the gay appearance of an extensive pocket-handkerchief drying-ground, on the morrow of an enormous washing-day. — During the forenoon, an immense sensation was created by the bringing out of the steam-boat ladder, dressed out in party-coloured calico, and giving it the aspect of the car of a balloon—an incident which gave rise to arumour of some intended aeronautic exploits on the part of the civic authorities. Curiosity continued to heighten with the | tide; and when the paguebot was signalled in the distance, enthusiasm was with difficult fept within bounds by a square of ropes enclosing the space reserved for the authorities. It was gratifying to observe the immense number of officials who turned out upon this occasion ; almost every one of whom seemed to have entitled himself, not only to a cocked hat, a feather, and a sword, but to a medal, or series of medals, for some services rendered to his country. . : The head Custom-House officer was in the fullest ible regimentals, and his vusom groaned under a perfect galaxy of stars, in token, no doubt, of his having been present at the taking of all the lugzage—and at other similar exploits. Whe gallant corps of Douaniers, or Custom- House officers, whose swords have no doubt pierced many a question- able parcel, and whose guns have battered many a set of contraband crockery-ware on the spot, attended by their powerful band of five trumpeters and fourteen drummers; a detachment of the line stood in a state of zig-zag, which seemed to be the result of eagerness | to catch an early view of le fameux Lord Maire de Londres. At | the one cannon on the port announced, avec explosion, that the boat had entered the harbour; and on the signal beng heard, a trumpeter, rushing to the front-door of the Custom House, blew a blast, which, by THE bh! |running rapidly to the back-door of the building, he ingeniously | contrived to echo, | At length the vessel came alongside, and the authorities, all scrambling | for front places, for a time blocked up the gangway. The first glimpse ' of the distinguished party presented something like the chequered as of a chess-board; an effect produced by the alternation of black hats | and white basins, which were the most conspicuous objects on the deck | of the steamer. A way being at last cleared, a little gentleman with a | white head was conducted off the vessel; and on its being known that this was the fameur Lord Maire, a feeling of disappointment seemed to pervade the French; and the old saying, “ Partariunt Montes, nascitur ridiculus Mus [grove}” was almost literally realised. Notwithstanding the disappointment of their expectations—for the French were evidently panpene to receive | a live Goc at the least—the Lorp Mayor was welcomed with several | warm shakes of the hand, and a speech in French ; the purport of which was explained to him, to signify that there was something to eat at the Railway termious. Upon this, his Lordship at once made for a fly that had been in waiting for him, and six having got inside, with three on the box, the vehicle proceeded at a severe pace—severe, considering the load—towards Capecure. . It was a subject of much surprise among the French that the English did not receive their Lonp Mayor with more enthusiasm ; but, althoug his Lordship did what he could to distinguish himself, by ap off his bat and bowing, it was found impossible to get up a hearty cheer for one of a party of nine in a hackney carriage. Hey-Sine was in attendance, as usual, to represent the Temple Bar Junk ; but we saw no prospectuses of that interesting exhibition delivered, and it is possible, that the Mandarin, like some of the other illustrious visitors, got separated from his luggage. Diamowp cot Diamowp.—It is a curious fact, in connexion with |the Great Koh-i-noor, that, in spite of the penalty incurred by the | jeweller charged with the cutting of the precious stone, everybody, | almost, on seeing it at the Exhibition, has been disposed to cut it also

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nh usly ling ipse nals eck tha that i to THE GREEN ONES. Tue Vegetarians have dined with a moral end. As Zeal-in-the-dand- Busy ate roast pork publiely in Ba w Fair, to demonstrate unto Pe OE i, by eschewing flesh, and friends shown Sarcop , by ewing . con- suming vegetables only ; carrots being the roots of all goodness. We. cannot but feel great reverence for these public exhibitions of virtue. If aman set up within himself any particular rushlight morality, the | taper burns with additional lustre, if burning before the mid-day luminary. Why should excellence be its own dark-lanthorn? We yet | hope to see the time when all and every of the domestic virtues shall have their public gatherings; and the Faithful Husband Club, and the | Affectionate Father shall have their mid-day processions in common with the Brass-workers and the Glass-blowers : nay, we shal! be only the more delighted, if, like those material artificers, they—the | moral doers—shall be able to earry before them some type and evidence | of their domestic worth and industry. Now, taking it for granted that a man’s household virtues—like a man’s clothes—are kept from the moth, by being occasionally turned | inside out to the suh, we object to the principle of the Mo meng as | altogether short-coming of their avowed end. ‘They declare the act) cruei and barbarous that turns s) into mutton: they will eat of | nothiog that has partaken of animal life. Why stop here? Is vege-| table existence exempt from pain? Can Mx. Broruraron lay his) hand upon his heart or head, and declare his conscientious conviction | that there is no blood in a turnip ?—That a ip bas no dilacerating throes when torn from the bosom of its earth? What says the | poet f “ For ’tis my faith that ev'ry flow'r Enjoys the air it breathes.” no hearts? Are not heads of broccoli a household | figure of ? If Mr. Broruertow gives up his mutton—if he) will no longer have a leg to we cannot see how, as a man of sensibility, he cam honestly sit down to turnips: he cannot renounce every morsel of gammon, without ing every blade of spinach. Moreover, can Mr. Broruerton } y eat of any vegetable marrow, without a thought of the animal transmuted into its green flesh ? Why, the Vegetarian may consume garbage at second hand. The very | — of the — turned a penny upon animal refuse: for, says a| bbi, “the bi at the foot of the altar flowed into a pipe, | and emptied itself into the valley of Kedron; and it was sold to the gardeners to their gardens.” Now the blood of sheep, and now the pulp of Again, has Mn. Brorwerton ever fairly balanced his mind upon a cocoa-nut? Certain Indian sects have a poetical belief, that of the refuse of the red earth of which Anam was made, was made the cocoa- tree: a touching truth, marked and preserved im the cocoa-nut itself: | in its fibrous hair; in its marks of and mouth. We have a lively faith that it is only necessary to a the sympathies of Mz. Brotu- eRTON towards the claims of cocoa-nuts in general, to make him fear- fully eschew them as most sinful food; as little other than the fare of | cannibals. Indeed, we believe that the same philosophy that renounces animal food because of the pain inflicted upon animal sensation, has only to follow its inductions, when it must give up the beans along with the bacon. It may be that the Vegetarian hugs himself in the belief of the innocence of his diet, because cauliflowers do not, like capons, cry under the knife. But, it may be asked, do fish cry upon the hook ? Still, we do not believe that the Vegetarian would eat even | carrots if, upon leaving the earth, carrots screamed like mandrakes. | As the V jans spread their table-cloth in public, and osten- tatiously display their capers (without the mutton) to the world, we infringe upon no private right of by criticising the vegetable fare. We merely contend that the Vegetarians do not go far enough : | they have not proved the want of sensation in the things they gat for their plates. why they not improve upon their benevolent intentions, wholly eschewing — meat, g! pebbles ? In the last century, there was a man who distinguished himself by) boarding u tena: © mag, wear poems bap ed to us, as| The Stone r. Let the pari begin modestly with gravel ;| and their next amended meal will, we doubt not, have, if possible, a greater moral influence, and e a more lasting social good, than their ‘ate banquet on meal and lentils. Ind we yet hope to see the day, when certain philosophers—for the benefit of the human race—will entirely subsist upon air. Nay, it is our belief that, in the next century, children, set apart to become the sages and teachers of the world, will | ey upon mere wind: yes, taken from the month, and brought up | vj ws, _ Have cab) Reasox way Taz “Goop Tree” 1s so Lows “Commerc.” —It started, | very foolishly, by an Express Train on the South-Western; so it woul be premature to expect it for a long time yet ! PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARTVARIL. 83 so have Ma. Brotuertox and | POPERY COURTING PERSECUTION. To the Editor of the “* Tablet.” owounaBLe Srx,—Mrowr I | ask you ‘o consider, whether, * a literary .—P the ‘opish cause, you not show rather more zeal than discretion? A recent number of your en contained a statement of the objects and intentions of a confederacy calling itself the “ Catholic Defence Association.” There must be some mistake, = Sir, in this title, I think. The “sy Offence Associa- tion,” surely, is the prope r ——— of this worthy raternity, organised as it apparently is, to annoy and e to the utmost the peopl of this country, and to rustrate the laws of the realm. I need not ask your pardon for identifying you with a body of wh ou are ostensibly the mouth-piece. You, then,—I address you as the representative of the Catholic Offenders — have thought fit to proclaim and publish to the world that you are about to engage in a — struggle for the subjugation of the British nation to the power of Rome. Don’t you think, my loyal Sir, that you had much better have kept e designs to yourself? First, you announce, with a bravado which cannot but consider injudicious, that you must have the Ecclesias- tical Titles Bill repealed; next, the penal laws against the Jesuits | abolished; and, lastly, the acts for securing the Protestantism of the | Regency, and of the Succession itself, done away with. You candidly tell us, in fact, that, to use a sporting phrase, Papal Supremacy. ow, loyal Sir, is it really your intention to procure, if possible, the repeal of the Catholic Emancipation Bill? Are Pe indeed desirous that the people at large should rise, and the suppression of all your monasteries, and the expulsion of your whole hierarchy from | the country? Is it a fact that you are to oecasion a renewal of the London riots? Because, practically, these are most certainly | a Serer oo wees 2 4 roduce ? G A 3 5 : 5 to p ; | Are you, on of your co-religionists, making love to persecu- tion and martyrdom can it be that yon are the tool of some | enthusiastic but unscrupulous Protestants, and in that character are | doing your very best to render the Roman Catholic religion and its | professors as odious as possible? A Bishop who, at the instigation | of your church, was roasted alive, said, at the stake, that he should, | that day, light such a candle in England as should never be put out. It strikes me that you are trying hard to kindle as lasting » con- flagration. Only let me advise you to mind what you say about meddling with the succession. This is dangerous ground: another step or two, and you will put your foot m it—perhaps not your foot only. Be warned in time, loyal Sir, by your occasional reader, A Vulgar Error. Ow the appearance of the Lozp Mayor in the streets of Paris, the populace is stated by the papers to have shouted, “Vive ¢ Grand aire de Londres!” Was not this a mistake? Should it not have been, | “ Vive la Grand-mére de Londres ?” Owe ov tue Triats or Gewriity.—Being had up at the Old | Bailey for throwing eggs. Putting their Choler up. It is said that Acorruan Howrrnry, having lost his Inggage, was obliged to borrow a shirt in Paris. We are surprised at this, when it d| is generally understood that the Lomp Maror gave a-front to all his brother Aldermen. ec neti: Eat ee mt ae = © mpegs en 1 cence: oe

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PUNCH, on THE | LONDON CHARIVARI. MR. PUNCH’S REVIEW OF a An by dint of outtine Bille oreak onal on with unwonted progression ; Til‘ in by hard working, and Len by burking, The mons have managed to wind ap the abn the sam ~ Ly o4 with profession the sum of formance, com : , we call on on outa Sor ollow us through a slight sketch of the Session. | We'd That ayo tie fac vento Papal Aare | That slap on the face given to And that once recorded, and praise for ’t awarded, One scarce knows what else we have from the Session. | The old Income-T: Sir, is still on our (And it’s not Srxr Caantes Woon’s fault we haven’t afresh ’ an); | And for Window-Tax gone, Sir, there ’s House-Tax laid on, Sir ; And that 's the financial great coup of the Session. | If See | 4 arog od d, oe comes, are n’t abolish’d ; e’vet ater Monopolists sti in possession, And mast still take Thames sewage for drink and for brewage ; And the question of Water ’s hung up for the Session. % dead ~L ¥. mie om 5 ae to be buried | vey tight at a xton’s discretion, awd ithe Board oP iicalth can’t act, when told that it shan’t act: | Ani such are the sanit’ry gains of the Session. THE SESSION. There was much talk of movement towards legal improvement, Of quick’ning the rate of And Leading, on Practice end Pesding, In Commission have sat for the Pee of the Bet this incubation, of lengthen’d duration, Bs with so much alatm by the Learned Profession roduced nought as yet, 7 rt the es we may get, Sir, Hy hatoves it be, can’t be scored to Wes Reed a Jew Bill, we thoaght "twas a true bill, to see RoTHscHitp in quiet possession orn his bee = in the House, Sir, but the was a chouse, Sir, For, thanks to the Lords, that’s put off for the Session So, instead of one Jew, Sir, we now have got two, Sir, a make a still louder appeal ’ Tone 3 oppression ; And City votes hustle poor dear Lonp Jonm Rosseut, To take up once again his dropped Bill of the Session. On the whole, looking back, Sir, one feels there ’s a lack, Sir, (L think one may say so without i io.) Of much to be proud of, or boast very In all that ’s been done through the whole of the Session. But there's one consolation for Punch and the Nation, If one turns from performance away to profession, The less that ’s done now, Sir, the more, you li allow, Sir, Is left for that wonderful period—next Session. awe#ia @& Seer e + we a Ot REFORM REMOVING THE BANDAGE FROM THE EYES OF JUSTICE. Sad Want of Refiection. lant Colonel, whose name will be given u inquiry at the} Mr. Urquuanrt gave notice that next Session he we “for bg go required, has "declared his doubt as to Wistar the Exhibition | the hs roe of Public Vapour Baths.” This cepa: tl like Balding i Teall of glass ; for he insists on its being quite impossible |a job. Does Ma. Urguaart wish to be nominated the head of the We mast confess our surprise at this | new establishment ? i justice to the Hon. Gentleman we must sa: cast upon the Crystal - parm hi mt so well qualified in all matters connected wit apour as his own ! Vapour. should see himself in it. assertion, considering the number of Palace by the gallant Colonel himself. mae tan tora here See l98ms See SE8éen ®@. Parish of 8. Pancras, and Prederick Mullett Bap of Bos, Chures Row, Stoke N bor the City of London, and Published by them at No %, Fleet sO ef Ln Sa ra | ewington, Street, in the Parish of St. Bride's, m the City of stuaeat, Avogst Lith 1%

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ee | was). |r) ——— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 85 i iessat her out. Eye-sore—nuisance—low women— CABINET HOURS OF IDLENESS. of rendezvous—and all that. et | d unrool told (From the Woods and Forests to the Right Hon, ———.) eye my Tate: poche i and the “ : hag t to a vagabond My Dzan——,— Yes, I am glad to be upon the Moors. Anywhere but in the Woods | wen ae va and Forests, where, but for my happy constitution, and for the rigid observance of that golden | ——s that _ See like - yy maxim of my own—‘ never to do anything until —— and then to do as little as possible thetic, —_ isical tehers of — fn —I might have been worn, w badgered to death, like any vermin of the underwood. | I have cultivated true official indifference. Nothing hurts me. I am the alligator | fools and their money _— ~ aay ee But, no. without the soft place in the alligator’s stomach. T Ls. 6d. from J B “ We have an infernal Session of it. Nevertheless, my genius kept me fresh as a two- Bus Slee Wie “ey year-old. My dear Boy, should you ever arrive at office, make yourself detested: ’tis the —a dozen P Hey pe from « Hatzn oF only way to ensure comfort. There’s a sweet asylum in public dislike. For instance, how | Typawat, and go Ss was an Au Hscxs dchate! rarely was I bothered with those stupid formalities, called deputations; things that mean | y..\ yr ther Hic EAA Sine bettie in amber | nothing more—that have no other purpose—than to put the names of certain traders and ed in H. shopkeepers in the Court Circular,—names that ought never to be seen, except over their own | “7 in Hansard, . | shop-doors. came pretty thick upon me, when I first took office; but after afew) owever, the Session is over, and the birds A : markably strong on the wing. tastes of my quality, a deputation would as soon enter the bear’s pit at the Zoological | *"©, 7°™ : Gardens, as show its mane te my office. I have been called the egieet names, and made f i a been preciously ae, . happy—quite delighted, I assure you—by the abuse. When in office, get well abused; the | st the 7 ine el ty Stee "Newer do a hin elepbant delights to roll in mud—it keeps the flies from his skin. A Minister may take |*) 17° Viied and then do as little as posmble. lessons of the half-reasoning elephant. pens of this golden law that — makes me, at the end of the Session of 1851, = Yours, in contem health “ And most Arrogant Spirits, Red-Box Moors,, “Woops axp Forests.” USE THEM AS YE MAY! RAILWAY SONG AND CHORUS. Am—" The Ohough and Orow.” CHAIRMAN, Te old Stage Coach to rot has gone, Together with the Mail ; Conveyance, now, the Public’s none, Unless they go by rail: The grass grows on the turnpike-road ; Our own’s the only way. Uprouse ye then, my merry Railway men, And use them as ye may. Chorus of Directors. Uprouse ye then, my merry, merry men, For now ’s your time of day. The crowded train the station leaves ; Another went before, Stuffed full of people, thick as thieves, To swell out good men’s store. A few short minutes ’twixt the two Is all the time we stay. Uprouse ye then, my merry Railway men, And use them as ye may. Chorus.—U prouse ye then, &c. With scream and whistle on they go, } The second class is cramm’d ; No matter, let the overflow Be in the first class jamm’d ! | Gents on their knees can ladies take, And so complain away ! WHAT I8 ONE MAN'S MEAT IS ANOTHER MAN’S POISON. U t P } rouse ye then, my merry Railway men Swell, “1 wonper wHat THOSE Fetiows can Sez To Apmine 1n THAT WuAt-D0-YE-CALL-1T !” nd nd them as oS may. 4 ‘ The by na Palace has been a great bore; and I suppose will become one of the ty aa, S. established bores, that is, institutions, of the country. I am told they’re going to grow bread-| See, yonder engine’s off the line! trees there, in case of war, to keep us independent of the foreigner. I believe—at least I’m} The hind-train thunders on ; told—that Barow HvuMBo.prt writes something about Cotton-Shirt Trees. Couldn’t Paxtoy| And, crash! right down yon steep incline, give us a plantation of ’em, 2 to spite the school of Manchester ? } Into the first has gone! You must have heard of the hubbub about Kensington Gardens. What a capital joke!| The crush’d and shatter’d wretches scream ; nu were to be ridden over by park hacks, and a daily murder of the innocents No matter—since they pay. under the hoofs of mounted grooms and outriders. Why, there has not been so much as Uprouse ye then, my merry Railway men, one old woman killed—no; I believe I am right—not that it much matters—when | say And use them as ye may. notone. And then the joke of interfering with the meditations of young ladies! But i Chorus.—U prouse ye then, &c. think I met ¢hat with a facer. ee women, who would live under a constitution—if he hadn’t the pluck to} We ve some six months before us yet, | Snap his at it—where any old harridan, properly represented by a Member of Parlia- However Time may fly ; ment, may get up in the House of Commons, and call a nobleman to account, as if a| At least, till Parliament bas met, nobleman had anything to do, except to fold his arms, suck his teeth, and give no answer ? Opinion we’ll def, There was a woman named Aww Frx, or Dicks, or Hicxs—or some pigstye name of that| Till then our sun will brightly shine, sort—who sold Serpentine water (I suppose mud and sticklebacks included) to pale young And we’ll meanwhile make hay. | ladies. I believe, too, the old hag t in ginger-beer—yes, [ believe that’s the sort of| Uprouse ye then, my merry Railway men, | stuff ; workhouse champagne, isn ’t it ?—yes, ginger-beer—and, ’pon my life, too, I think the And use them as ye may. | Creature had cakes, and oranges, and things of that sort, for halfpence. Well, we turned Chorus.—U prouse ye then, &. xX VoL, . K ' | | ramet eter sear ste s —— ee oe + ° a

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| not the work of benevolent petentates like Fexprsanp, but are attri- | newseam, that all the mogarchies of old Europe are-worn out and : | monarchy. The crown of Queew Victoria and the fetters are—at least and

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL.

SLANDERED KING BOMBA. R. Puxcn, Does the Kine or Naruts wish to confound his slanderers, by rewarding—at the shortest notice—a disinterested advo- cate? Here he is: one Cw antes Mac- | PARLANE, @ person | singularly fitted to | shine at the Court} shine, | THE

of Naples—s like a last week’s mackarel. MACFARLANE is} not unknown to} the worldof letters, | as an industrious} workman. He now comes forward to “catch the eye” | of Kine Fexpr- WAND, as his ad- mirer. “The Devil is worship- ped for his burnings} throne.” The al miration of Mila) MAGPARLANE ip doubtless, extorted from him by the natural nobility of the Neapolitan King: he loves him for what he is: and it is for the-rebuked and instructed werld to pay homage to the idol and the idolater; Musso. Joumpo and his sacrificing priest are-worthy of each other. Mr. Grapstons, in his letter to Lonp Aperpeey, speaks offtarture inflicted for political offences. “The-mode of it being the theustingrof sharp instruments under the finger-nails.” Ma. Macrartane, in Ais letter, thus disposes of the charge:-—“Tie insinuation that torture has been employed, is too monstrous amd too absurd to merit one moment’s attention.” And, no doubt, Ma Mac- PARLANE disbelieves it; justas Mn. Macrartane would refuse credence to “a sharp instrament” under his own “ fimger-nails,” if thenst there by the order of the Kure or Narres. The “ insinuation ” a po one—would not “merit one moment’s attention.” One would anon wish that Ma, Macrarnanp could give warranty of such disbelief. Mr. Giapsvowe—says Macrartawe—in his tales about gaol doctors and sick prisoners, talks “‘aperfect fable.” The miseries.of Italy are butable—thus speaks the awful Macrannane, whose re shines like the Kot+i-noor to allbwho know him—“to.vagabonds lilt Miazzivr.” When a Macrar.ase would lick away the blood and minmthat inerust a King of Naples, he must, of course, spit “vagabond””at men like Mazzint. Some way, he must empty his mouth. But Mr. Gtapstowe has a reason—a. selfish, worldly reason—for the slander he has dealt upon Kixe Bowsa. * the:visitors by jumping over the: tables, and performing other feats, atmosphere. We are not worthy of him. Can the Kixe or Napies offer no retreat? No comfortable box. » little: below the cinders, on Vesuvius? Or, probably Ferpivanp has a royal menagerie; if so, does not his ape need a groom or chamberlain? Q

THE CHINESE IN LONDON. Lowpow is beginning to be reguiarly overraw with Chinese, either genuine or otherwise. If things go om at this rate, every large grocery establishment will have its owm “ Native of the F Land;” and Joun Bot will begin to fancy himself, on account of the numerous emblems of China around him, a regular “ Bull ina Chinashop.” The Chinese Exhibition afforded the first instanceof a native being converted into an article of commerce, whem a couple of flowery youths, said to have been breught to England te finish their education, used to amuse evineing jess of mental cultivation tham of muscular activity. Feeling a-sort of parental interest in these:youths—announeed as: the-sons of a | Chinese noble, who had sent them to receive the: last. Karopean- polish | —we have watched them rather narrowly. We regret to say that we | think we discovered one about three months:ago behmd. the counter of | a tea-dealer’s in the New Cut, where he was employed to give a genuine | eppearance to the grocery. Of course it would be difficult to suspect that the “ Fine Old Twankay at Two and Four” bemg weighed out by a veritable Chinaman was nothing better than rare old sloe, or that the “ Hysom recommended for Family Use” was nothing but Birch, which certainly is adapted occasionally for family use—though not as a beverage. Te comerto the point, we do not believe that half the Chinamen we see about town are more genuine than the Congou and other deleterious eompounds: said to have come from China. e think there ought to

theseme authority given to detect a counterfeit Chinaman, in the same | way'as a.counterfeit sixpence, by snipping off his tail, or trying the effect: off seap and»water upon his countenance. We cannot suppose that. s@ many mandarins can be spared from their official duties in China, taspeculate im Exhibitions of Jimks, or other specimens of their | —— <a — Lor» Jomw aga going out to _— meoal barge, and: remaining away three or four at astret to exhibit it. ones os his Lordship getting up a balk on.board, in one | of the Climese rivers, a» our Essex. Street im: does on beard | the Jimmy or fancy his Lordship, or ampother nobleman; taking: out a | quantétyof upholstery, with his wife and children; and sitting in the midst ofitiall, week after week, as an “ Exhibition ” at Hong-Kong, like | the “‘ family of rank’ that are honouring us with a long visit—im return | for oursitiilings—at Hyde Park Corner. It is rarely that ang members of our amistocracy condeseend to make shows of themselves, in the wa we are called upon to believe that the mandarins and persons of ran in China are aceustomed to ao when upon their travels. The worst | we can say of any of our lords is, that one of them, occasionally, will | take pills by the hundred, and rub in ointment bythe ton, to-oblige an | advertising “professor;” bat evem»this, to the: credit.of our own peerage, is.a solitary instance.

THE. TEA AND SHRIMP NUISANCE. We beg leave to call the attention of the Knightsbridge authorities —whoever they may be—to the unpleasant fact, that it is impossible | to. pass

along:tae K nightsbridge road after ten o’clock in the morning |

“Ma. GLapeTrors looking for a popular — ee would be eaptivated by his strange letters.” This is an admirable touch; but only what we should look for from the genws Macrantane. There is no creature so low, so helpless, who cannot make dirty motives for other people. Mr. GLapstoye speaks from the fulness of a noble nature, outraged by a contemplation. of | human tyranny and humana =. | and—Mr. Guapstons. does not | want a remedy for atrocity; no, he wants a popular constituency, What other motive could be imagined by a motive-mongerig Mac- PARLANE? Yet hear him:— “ Again, other good men tell me that the Rien How. W. E. Gtapstows, M P.—firet known to me as a Conservative—has suddenly conceived a strong dislike of all monarehical institutions, and that he is now in the habit of say aod itself is rococo, and that the seoner we approneh the United States of North Ameriea, the better it will fare with us ail.” _ Hence, conservatism, in the Grate eyes of Cuartes Macrartane is admiration of the Kine or Narzues and his ghastly doings. To condemn FrxpinaNp is to revolution ; to sympathise with the victims of a crowned monster, is to wish the downfall of the British of the late Prime Minister in the twisted brain of Ma. Macrartawe—strangely, yet indivisibly, connected. However, we hope that Macrantaye will have some measure reward that will snateh him far away from England. Naples.is his eof being unseated by his 4ima Mater, andiimy of | Street, dinning into the ear of the passenger the disagreeable cry of without being imvited, and almost dragged by the collar, to a me \of “tea and shrimps.” The road near the Exhibition presents all the |horrors of Greenwich at about teatime, and the struggle round a | perplexed foreigner, whom it is desiredto cram with areguiar Gravesend |\jorum of all sorts of coarse and cheap eatables and drinkables, is |sometimes most intense. To say nothing of the. nuisance of being | red to take tea at all hours, we want to. know where is the affinity | tween the — ae We can understand ~~ aw - , bub t can nothing partieularly fresh in. shrimps of tsbridge, even supposing them.to be-caught as near at. | j hand as Cheisea, which is famous for nothing in. the: fish: line, except | | oyster-shells,—whieh may be sometimes fi seat om pants of | the coast, Om several oceasions we have been carried, off inte: | seme. way-side house, after leaving the Exhibition, amd been theust down | opposite. a large pile of that fishy abomination, which, next te the | periwinkle, we hold in the supremest contempt. If we. do not make a firm stand against the Shump, we: shail be ing the Whelk thrust upom our disgnsted attention, im connection with Tea,—a beverage we would fain protect against the unpleasant contact. At ail events, if there is agrowing ite on the part of the. publie for the inland Shrimp, let those who ne taste for it be aé.leasé secured from the amnoyance of bemg by a swarm of teuters, who. line the road between the Crystal Palace and Sloane

* Tea.and Shrimps.”

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<< 5 econ? ‘ ae =e oe ®

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL og? ————— — ~ —— CITY PRIVATE THEATRICALS. < -

Tue following scene has, we understand, been performed in private, with no very great success, at the Mansion House, sinee the return of the citizens from the Paris Fes. Lorp Mayon appears to haa his part, and by his cubis to have been Private Thestrieals at. the Mansion House have been linnated to t—as his brother actors—in the recent Parisian performances. THE CELEBRATED QUARREL SCENE FROM JULIUS CMHSAR. Baurus, bythe Lord Mayor. . . Cassius, by an Alderman, Alderman, That youhave wronged me doth appear in this— You have brought to the fées your miece and nephew ; Taking them out here, there, and everywhere ; Wherein their betters—twho should be your pride, Your worthy Aldermen)—were slighted of. Lord Mayor. You wroug yourseives—you should have paid your share. Alderman, At such atime as that—twould have been low For the Lorn Mavow to ask for each man’s guinea. Lord Mayor. Yet, let me tell, you—you are all of you— Said by the Times—to have an ‘tchmg palm, To job and mart-your offices about. . To undeservers. Alderman. We an itchrin You know you are the Leap Moe ti that speak this, Or, by St. Paul’s, that speech should not be pass’d! rd Mayor. The-gown of office wraps up this corruption, And chastisement doth pocket both its fists. To bully me !—I am an Al Older in office—abler that yo head commissions. Go to——vyon *re-not, I say. Lord Mayor. Alderman. Lan Lord Mayor. Tey, again, you ‘remot. Go te— —) eee Alderman. Urge meno more Is’t possible ! eoc and Goc! must Lendure-all this? Lord Mayor. ‘All this! Ay, more! Pret till your waistcoat burste ; Go tell your ward how choleric you are remble. Must budge? ou wrong me every way, my Lord. You wrong me. Hear me, ‘for I will speak. | I said an older Alderman—not better. Did I say better ? Lord Mayor. If you did, I care not | Alderman. When Faancomne ruled, he durst not thus abuse me. | Lord Mayor. eyed peace! you durst not so have bullied h T durst not ! Lord Mayor. No. Ahdernsay What! ders: not bully bim ° Lewd Meyer you durst. not! Adermas:. Woo not presume too much upon | I may for. Lovd Mayor, Vex here tame that you sou! | ‘be sorry for. There is no terror in your noisy threats. For T am armed with such se! ence, That they pass by me ve Policeman y Whom I not. | didhint to you You —_— subscribe some cash, bai you de- clined it, the ‘fo I deserved the glory, by atl means. By Jingo! I had-wather Le, Or pawn my mace fer cab-h From the whole Court of Aldermen their tras), — towards paying my expenses, that like the Oity ’ Should I have spared the Oity coffers so?

pieces. Aldermen. We denied you not. Lord Mayor. You did. Alderman. We did not! he was but a fool | Who brought our answer bac _ very'great dissatisfaction by the manner in which he acted | Lord Mayor, Well! hold your nonsense now. of endeavourmg to keep in the back-ground those who ought | Be angry when you will—I do not care, The | | earry anger as Champagne bears babbles ; Which, sturr’d with.crust, doth quickly effe srvesce, -— straight is flat again. Alderman. Oh! have I lived To furnish food for laughter to my Muscaove, When indigestion or ill-temper vex him ! Lord Mayor, When 1 spoke that, I was ill- temper’d too. Alderman, Do you confesssommeh? Give us —_ hand. Lord Mayor, When the Lona Maron is ask’d again to Paris— ( Aside) a won't be my tasn—though it may be Aled The Aldermen shall have their proper places. [Breunt together, arm in arm, Parliamentary Returns. Mz. Txomas Breonmorz, and Ma. Jaros 'Sue6G, (labouress,) from Bonlagne, to St. Adbans (calling an the way at the Mansion-House). ‘The — — a in the suming oS | Polecat, electi tavern of the i \ferous borough. Jacas bats, daa, M.P. was |to hawe taken the ehair, bat was prevented. However, ry should be wanting to the of the banquet, the Hon. Member contributed a handsome transparency, on — were painted two stri portraits, wit e ee —— tke dogs return to —— — — — Puncn was never more annoyed in his life than by the receipt of the following :— “Tf the Father is the Head of the Bamily, what ’s the eldest Son? “Why, the Heir, to be sure.” If the writer will call at the Punch Office, he will find our Thick-stick in waiting.

ail renee tienes a apparel a

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. MR. BRIGGS GROUSE SHOOTING. — “TO NOBLE WRITERS.” Tere is a great i A benevolent pos cot Mle L | publisher at the West-end has issued is advertisement “to Noble Writers.” The address has but one fault—it is too succinct. Why not try another sort of flourish? As thus: “Mr. Saewsvuit having had up- wards of twenty years’ experience of the short-comings of noble authors, offers himself as their guide, _ sopher, publisher, and friend. 8. will undertake to have their manu- scripts so printed that the dearest friends of the writers shall not know them again. Distinct gentlemen con- stantly employed upon style and grammar. All ?s punctually stroked, and 7’s carefully dotted. , “ A handsome assortment of subjects on hand, which—at moderate cost and with the best promptitude—may be adapted to the peculiar genius of any Nobleman desirous of appearing either as Historian, Novelist, Political Eco- nomist, Poet, or Auto-Biographer. “ Secrecy may be relied upon. _ “No individual under a Right Honourable will be dealt with. “ga Please pull the right-hand bell. Brass knob.” hope for our | A Frower vor a Lover’s Burron- | Ho“z.—A Lapy’s cheek is described as 9 a.m. His Angtvat on tHe Moor.—Mr. Baicos says THAT THE FINE BRACING AIR MAKES | the poetical abode of the Rose ; but we HIM 8O VIGOROUS THAT HE SHALL NEVER BE BEAT. Is ON “sis Native Heatu,” anp THat nis “ Nawe tis Macorecor!” The Result of the Days Sport will be communicated by Electrie Telegraph. fie ALSO FACETIOUSLY REMARKS THAT HE | are not told what kindof Rose. When | an ardent lover steals a kiss, we sup- | pose it is a “ Cabbage-Rose THE POPE AND THE GRANARY. To Mr. Punch, “My very pear Sir, “ By introducing into the dominions of Her Masesrr, through ye impartial pages, an authentic copy of a Brief of his Horiwess *1us Tax Nintu, I suppose I shall incur persecution. No matter; I | will—smile—and bear it. May the subjoined apostolical address unde- ceive the benighted heretics, who accuse the Holy Father and the Church over which he presides of intolerance, of their dreadful error. PIUS THE NINTH, POPE. “*To the Bishops and Clergy of the Roman Catholic Church in | England : Benediction. I have a twofold object, brethrea, in addressing you. In the first place, I wish you, if possible, to disabuse the public | mind in Great Britain of the notion (Lam afraid maliciously propagated) that I am the author of certain absurd documents calle¢ Bulls and Briefs, published in my name, replete not only with the most ridiculous arrogance, but also with inflated phraseology and pompous rhetoric. In the next place, | wish you to contradict the unjustifiable assertion, that I will not suffer the Protestants to have a place of. worship Within the walls of Rome, and have restricted them to the use of an extramural granary. I desire that you will have the goodness to notify the fact, that Protestants are welcome to erect a Church at Rome in as fine a position and as central a situation as, claiming for ourselves that toleration which we extend to others, I have recom- mended you to build a Roman Catholic Cathedral in, by public subscription, in London. We have our own opinions, of course; but I wish you to convince the English people that we, nevertheless, most religiously observe the principle of doing as we would be done by. I shall be glad if you will explain that the only reason why the Protestants have hitherto been con to a granary out of Rome is because they have not yet raised the funds necessary for erecting a church in the city.’ “ The usual signatures follow. This is the language of bi intolerant, bombastic Porz. Buat—alas for British poabalion | Pa 7 the document will never be credited to be genuine, though vouched for by your scrupulously particular corres} ti Verax.” A CITY LYRIC. Gatty the Alderman, smoking cigar, Skipp’d through the door of his back-shop a-jar, Singing, “From Paris fine hither I come ; Mas. G., Mrs. G., welcome me home!” ** Ob, gracious! Goppe, love!” shrieking his name, Scream’d out his startled wife, “Is it the same ?” “ Pa!” cried his daughters, “how smart you ’ve become !” Such was the Alderman’s welcome to home. “Ha!” said the Alderman, “ carpet-bag lost— Rigg’d out in Paris ; some money it cost.” “Ah!” Mrs. Gosste sighed, “never more roam, Alderman, Alderman! now you’re come home.” THE AUSTRIANS IN ITALY. Owe GorczskosHawsky—chosen, no doubt, that bis name may never be uttered—is the Austrian Military and Civil Lieutenant of the Venetian provinces. He has issued a circular, of which the subjoined is not a very free translation :— “ When you are requested to furnish information of any person, you must supply the following indications : “1, When he sees the double eagle of Austria, what are exactly his feelings of gratitude toward the House of Hapsburg. “2. What were his dreams last night. “3. What will he dream to-morrow. . “4. When he holds his tongue, what are commonly his reflections. “5. When he does not hold his tongue, does he talk what he thinks. “6. If not, what does he think when he generally talks. “7. Does he mean ¥o when he says YES. “8. Does he mean res when he says No. ‘ “9. When was his hair last cut. How many hairs did he lose. ‘10. Does he sleep on the right side or left ; or both. “11. At what hour of the night does he usually turn. “ Venice, June 7th, 1851. “The Military and Civil Lieutenant of the Venetian Provinces, “ GoRczsKOSHAWSKY.”

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% oe. a a ni a lap OOO es ner eo ae TN ONE Cool ha ITER ge ~ tg pt of i 5 4 : —— a - - — ove PR Re 0 can men ~” \ aN arm Peat Prvendetenme fee py te meter a Yj, Yj i] = . feawerr®. CH KL . - 7H i ANNA MARIARGOB THE RETURN OF THE ALDERMAN TO HIS NATIVE SHOP. —————

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of e whe! have at th Som then that a @ hom For wh exce to th my § is med:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 91

/A NIGHT WITH HAHNEMANN AT THE FREE-| MASONS’ TAVERN. “ Mr. Puwcu,—Healih, Sir, health, aa some sage observes, is the first of earthly blessings. next, as I say, is the means of recovering it | when lost. I have taken, Sir, lange quantities of Moneisow’s Pills. have also had extensive recvurse to those of Proresson. Houtoway, at the same time — copious use of the Ointment of that philosopher. Some years ago, | u went a course of brandy and salt, and since then subjected myself to the water-cure. I should have told yeu, Sir, | that ] am a valetudmarian, and rather considerably past that age when. a man is said to be either fool or a ysician—for my part, | am a) homeopathist. I have studied the subject, Sir, in my own person. | For years I suffered greatly from severe nervous depression; for which | was im the constant habit of taking medicine without effect except that I got worse and worse. Nothing relieved me til! I resorte to the infinitesimal globules—leaving off my mixture three times a-day, my sleeping powder, and my two pills night and morning. The result | is my Frm convietion Homeopathy ia the only true system of | medicine. And now, Sir, as a friend of science; let me direct your atten- tion to the Zimesreport of the late meeting of the English Homeopathic | Associations af masons’ Tayern. Fee Sir, you willl see that our views are sound and solid arguments. [ook upon the speech of Sm. Jomn Kegnyaway, the Chairman, as a masterpiece of jones, Expressing exactly my own sentiments, ” HN ‘‘ He was nota proftesionalman ; bat he asserted the claim which was granted to all in their imdividmal positéom-—that of judging for himself. “This is just what I onestold my medical attendant when | was laid up with the gout,.and we had a dispute on the subject of malligatewny. He said that the rahe ty Jaden for one’s self did not always imply | - ability. Idid ne®sumderstand this insolence, Sir, and [discharged | he The worthy Cliaimman also observed, with remarkable | that “They 7 could not enter intoas | the painciplas-of the science—of its | themastwenppthbeh af the coe tay — “To beeure. A:maw has been physieked, bled, and blistered, and gets no better. He leaves off his medicine, takes infinitesimal doses, and recovers. Why take the trouble to inquire whether his first treatment was a fair sample of the regular system, or what influence it had on his recovery, or how far that happy event was due to the simple discontinuance of pills and potions? Never creep to conclusions in this way. Jump at => Sir; jump with seven-leagued boots. The patient tools gidbulée and r; is: net enough? It is all very — iy medical —— car and question whether the mae was or propter as t making a mmare a plain, fact with their technicalities and their Latin. No, Sir. Give me sucir| as logic as Sra Jouw Kewwaway’s, or the logic of Mr. Susew, M.A, another of the enlightened speakers, who “* Said he was a living proof of the benefits.of Himopatlty. Eight or nine years, ago he was constant! in the doctors’ hande, but sinee he adopted this system he very seldom had to visit ; and when he did so, it was with satisfactory results, beth to his poeket aud his heaith.’ “This is the way to argue, Sir: Here you have no quibbling as to ones a rm —F an hea er ert circumstances. were s t was Im Cause and effeet, Sir. i. coincide. aise with the sentiments of Mra. W. Hasuuxst, ws ——_ O AS **He —e Before powers w known generail laity, iowupebtna ae aee Land treated silopathically, He m hgh and seoured till he was cagried about the. house wrapped. in bl kets, and expected hourly ta died “No exaggeration this, Sir; of ordinary practice. “* Hie was taker ill about ten years ego, and he thought it was allover with him. | “ Ketined phraseology, Sir, rather. ‘ But his old doctor was dead, and an homeopathic doctor was cailed in. The. con- was, he.stoed before them, reseued from death, and in good health.’

1 know, las been laid down with Syven nay or Manver, ow eee pe en They got ridof long, & great dread), aad saved money.’ } “ Instead of lawishing it-on that easy-living, little-working, overpaid | medical praetitioners, aaaatins tion be other members of Ee Recinh Memeapethin Assasiatien coltthom, > & casien,. |. mest a. word to express teste whieh so.semenhelie distinguisied this

| house-room. | brisk demand, when they wul grow as scarce as they had been during assembly in general, but was more particularly and conspicuousiy manifested by Dr. Epps, who, says the report, * aown’ om the C onsumption Hospital, and another medical charity, and then ‘* Sang a poem in boneur of Homeopathy! * Bravo, Da. Brrs! Thanks to Eppa, we may have istodeoed from the F reemason’ s Tavern into the Coal. hole. “The Chairman, | see, ‘regretted that the chair had not been filled be their Noble President (Lonp Ropeat Grosvenor)” So de I, Sir. Noble Lord, who bas been deelared by an ine constituency & Sed proper person to represent the county of Middlesex, comi forward. publicly as the patron of would de much ‘o remove an impression, unfortunately prevalent, who believe in infinitesimal Stes must be a simpleton, — = * Your humble Servant, Aytt-Hosve.”

EXTRAORDINARY VISION AT THE MANSION HOUSE. MYSTERIOUS disappearance of the witnesses in the St. Alban’s = months strangeness by than very myw Chese witnesses ave, in fact, 80 may Ombres Chinoises, or dis sight, until the Queen goes down.ta. the House with the view of dissolving or proroguing They axe like clown and pantaioon, who are to be seen, as bold as brass, before the door of the house, when the door is closed; but who, when the door opens, and the Serjeant- | at-Arms issues forth, mace in hand are nowhere visible. It is but a little while sinee that the Commons, indignant at the breaches committed against their privil were offering rewards for individuals, who, with the bills still poste ed about for their apprehension, are walked "quietly into custody, and as quietly walk oufiagman. Nobody will have anything to do with them; veg = y next ieociok there will be the same indignation in the the same threats of vengeance, the same horror at the breach of privilege, and perhaps the same, or much higher, rewards offered to net hold ofthem. An active officer, othe he has = Deine, with.a couple of the much- sought-after parties, and instead of themeager!y clu'ched at on all sides, and paid for a eeudowe,” ba legibors left upon his hands, “stale, flat, and, ungpofitable””” aa a cou buns baked the day before yesterday. the gpes to tike of House up; though thene im am Outside, wito ~ ’t have the prize prisoners at any ppi@en ——— is Out; there is nobody who will give a dump fim the captives ab the Treasury; the Solicitor, when applied to, knowmaetiting at all abou it; and, as a last resort, an attempt is made to sege whebher the witmasses, lately so valuable, will fetch a trifle at a Mansi: Hoan All is in vaim; as railway gene down as rapidly scrip after the toes f ae bubbise as aad thoi they would have been worth fifty - et a fi will now make the smallest biddmg for them. They n quite a curiosity, commanding a hig price at aay moment di the Session; but now, like a luxury out of the oysters in May, sprats in June, or hares in March—no one seems to consider them worth In February next they will no doubt be once more in the past Session.

STRANGE INSHOT IN THE CROPS: ALL accounts from the country continue to assure us that the wheat, is visited by, what the Knglish farmer insists upow considering, the most fatal blight. A curious kand of inseet is te be seen in every ripe ear of corn; and the riper and larger the corn, the Jarger the insect. Several of these have been forwarded to My. Pw Punch, who—the real farmer's friend —has submitted the insect to his micr of peculias power. It is tolerably well known that various things of insect es marked. There is the death’s head moth—the monk Now, the insect at. the t time infesting the whestceope of 136 ~an insect almost invisible to the naked eye—shows, when submitted to a baek, the white marked thus glass of 1000 power, oaubite space om ite By which Puach divines that the bhabt = found “sq” among the British Feamens’ wheat prediets—“ The, Best price 5d.”

terious he other | iy atthe Macion Howe. solving views, of whom we lose aun, Evanleren: be equalled in|

. and finds it shut |

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“aah ale ah om Rae :? [Or oe teeneme ay reginemne: as ly

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL “A HIGH SHERIFF IN DIFFICULTY.”, Tae ~ ty of Suffolk has been an object of sympathy. At i seemed no help for it, but that he must — his legal function of executioner; no deputy being obtainable. Mary Cae, for poisoning her husband, was to have been yoy Saturday, at leswicn : but Cavcrart, the , had to do office on the same morning at Norwich was also pre- of Suffolk ! “To have had the lew carried into effect on Saturday [says the newspaper grove would, beyond all probability, have been rep it to the f lit gs of the High heriff; for, as no person could be found to supply the place of Catcaart, the High Sheriff must have performed the horrid duty himself.” And why not? If the ay oy mee © be a wholesome punishment —if the sacredness of life is to be taught by the taking away of human existence—who can be too exalted to teach to the nations the awful lesson? Wherefore “horrid duty?”” Why not—solemn sacrifice ? “The unpleasant position of the High Sheriff, not only on this, but on « former occa. sion, may be attributed to the usual course not being adopted—the makirg sure that Ca crart can attend before any day be appointed for the execution.” We altogether dissent from the principle that makes the office of an executioner a “ horrid duty,” and a reproach. If—as the advocates of the infliction of death avow—the taking away of life be the fulfilment of a solemn behest, solemnly pronounced, t why should the High Sheriff, or indeed any much higher functionary, be considered too nice, too dainty, to carry out the injunction? But, no; human instinct is greater than human sophis rT. Our very loathing of the function of executioner is the irrepressible condemnation of his office. . The Warwick engaged. Great was the dismay of the High THE RETURN OF THE ALDERMEN. How drearily, how seedily we steam across the sea; The billows are all tumbling up and down, and so are we: The Stewards with their basins are rushing left and right, Like creatures in whose eyes Lord Mayors are quite a common sight. The Press rings with our triumphs: of France we’ve had a peep ;— We thought ’twould be all gratis, but it wasn’t oo 80 cheap. We've dined and danced, and seen Versailles, the Waterworks, and Park ; Ob, proud must be each Alderman of such a jolly lark ! proud must be the Aldermen of their glorious seven da: Wear with speeches, sights and soldiers, and compliments ad praise ; They ’ve seen the sea and crossed it, though sure it is a bore, They ’ll talk big enough about it all, no when safe ashore. I would I were an Alderman, to come to be “ my Lord,” And ride in a gilt City coach, with Ci word ; I'd show the ion that Yet the Aldermen were sulky, and sulkier still they grew, Till, on nearing Folkestone Harbour, it was all black looks and blue ; And, from their distant tone with Lonp Mayon Muserove, it was clear At coming Common Council some unpleasant things he ’Il hear. He ’d treated them, they all declared, in the free-and-easiest way ; He hadn’t got them rooms; he kept them waiting at the play ; At the Versailles lunch, along of him, they came in at the death, And to get good seats at the Review had run till out of breath ! All night some had to walk the street, without a place to sleep ; Some into loose French habits had been obliged to : And all through Lory Maron Muscrove—so I’m thankful I’m not he, If the civic wigging is at all what I expect ’twill be. THE DISCONTENTED ALDERMEN VOWING VENGEANCE. TOTAL ABSTINENCE AND MODERATION, Aw average meeting of Teetotallers was held y evening in Spoaters’ Hall, to enjoy a little excitement derived from hearing every- body abused, instead of from the abuse of fermented liquors. Welsh choristers attended, and sang, at intervals, some of their national choruses, oom coming among ad more ae of the assembly paroxysms of enthusiasm approac to ° Mr. Bstiowar took ‘the chair, sw by the principal pro- pagandists of the Pump, who would employ the die of that useful engine as a lever, with which to hoist clean off the world its whole load of vice, misery, i ; and who advertise the water-cure as a panacea for all conceivable evil, from infidelity to measles. The CuarnMan congrat the meeting on the immense success which was attending the mighty Temperance movement, and which would soon produce a magnificent deficit in a rascally revenue, swelled by the atrocious Excise duties imposed and perpetuated by an unprin- cl Government that the ion of ardent spirits. e concluded an impassi invective against Hex Masestr’s Ministers, amid loud cheers, by calling on his hearers to make a solemn resolution not to vote for anybody as Member of Parliament who, t other pledges, would not take the pledge of total abstinence. A Welsh song was then sung, and twice encored. A demand for its third repetition occasioned a tremendous uproar that lasted several minutes ; after which, Mar. Screamer said, the House of Commons was as bad as the Government, and the House of Lords as bad as the House of or worse. An election never took place wi soul-destroying fluid, beer, being drunk; to say nothing of more abominable liquids, gi noone, on , Wi vile and paralysed the intellect and the morals of a debased and slavish constituency. —could not ale, one long years, on purpose to : and thus to make —of the inhuman oli i example, too, these minions of rank set those pam - SSESE sy i

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~ MRRPRLT TURTLE LTPP T ET aee eater” J PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARE 93 business it was to wait behind their chairs at dimmer, and keep replenishing their glasses and those of their pot companions with per- nicious champagne! The drunkenness of the lower orders was mainly owing to the pattern afforded them by a boozing peerage and a gentry of sots (Cheers). / Mr. Eanspuit said, that alcohol was the principle of evil. It was against that, in ay that the i lazy, worthless set of sensual sinecurists, the clergy, had to contend. hat had those clerical drones done? The reverend impostors had done nothing. There ought to be no Temperance societies. The parsons—those hireling shepherds— were bound to have 3. the Fg What = the use r. those hypocrites in canoni ing against drunkenness? That was mere cant. Why didn’t join the Teetotallers? (Cheers.) Why, because the wolves in s clothing couldn’t give up their glass of “old crusted ” after dimmer. Let nobody talk to him of moderation. It was much better to get. dead drunk every now and then, than take | one glass of wine every day. At public dinners the Church was drunk, | and a bishop would oftem respond to the toast. If the mitred swindler did his duty, he ar the occasion, by denouncing the deadly, f . the diabolical le custom of drinking healths altogether. (Tremendous c: ) Mr. Stunner inveighed inst the medical profession for witl their sanction from the ciple of total abstinence, which | he imputed to a selfish interest, on their part, in disease and suffering. He understood that these licensed quacks employed, in their practice, wines of iron, aloes, and other medicinal substances, besides a variety of tinctures; which were medicated grog; and he insisted that the administration of such liquid poison amounted to murder. The Army, = Navy, and the Bar were Sevesly assailed by various | speakers for € ing them from their sev: messes. A Ma. Letnernen also ferociously abused the brewers, the distillers, and the publicans, whom | he appeared to confound wi class of persons who, under the | Roman empire, were so odious among the Jews. | After another Welsh song, followed by a renewed disturbance, | The CHaramay, having pro a resolution to the effect, that | PRINCE ALBERT should be requested to patronise the Total Abstinence cause by taking the pledge, | Mn. Puwcn said, that though not quite a convert to total abstinence, | he believed that ce was a necessary virtue. He would not go 30 far as to object to ev: ig strong; but there were some strong | things he did object to. objected to strong language and intemperate expressions, which, though among the worst effects of drunkenness, he | perceived could be produced without liquor, | This brief remark occasioned a general row, in the midst of which | the meeting separated. ing the use of fermented liquors, by _ | THE SIEGE OF GIBRALTAR AT CREMORNE. the same view at the Surre Zoological Gardens, the Roc peared altogether. the water. help thinking, as we witnessed the Siege, that it was con- ducted with a tremendous waste’of gunpowder, when any two scene-shifters could have taken LL persons that the Rock of Gibraltar is not very | and Patwer’s “ Compositions,” to consume their own smoke, we never high. Viewed from Batter- sea Bridge, it cannot stand a ~~ ba ee as we listened to the music, that This is rather curious ; for we recollect when we saw Wheels, we puffed ourselves into a state of hig was at least a hundred feet high; so that, in less than four years, Gibraltar has lost more than nine-tenths of its) «WHICH IS THE BEST WAY OF TESTING A BLADE?” altitude. In another year we | suppose it will have disap- The Kock is exceedingly ) anager 80 perpen- ieular, that none but a cat could possibly scale it. It wouid be a question, however, if any one but a cat would give himseif that trouble, as @ vigorous push of the elbow would pitch the entire Rock with the greatest ease into We could not Gibraltar at a moment’s notice simply by carrying it off on their| shoulders.’ . | “try it on” him! The scenery about Gibraltar is exceedingly flat, reminding us ex- | tremely of one of the “ wings” that shut im the Robber’s Cave in the | Miller and his Men. We \ooked out for the monkeys that are said to |run about the topmost heights of the Reek, but not one did our eye— jexperienced as it generally is in picking out a monkey—succeed in catching. We immediately ialerved oll the monkeys had gone to dance on the platform. _ The thing that surprised us the most in the Siege was the introduc- tion of steam. We never knew, before we went to Cremorne, that Gibraltar was taken by the aid of steamers. This fact burst upon us, | |the other evening, wit all the brilliancy of a sky-rocket ; and, as such. we hand it over to Mz. Macavuay, that he may illumine his historical | pages with it. ‘The names of the steamers e in the action were the Bride, the Bridesmaid, the Groom, the Wedding-Ring, assisted by the Parson, the | Beadle, and the Parish Clerk. There seems to be a strict intimac between the Naval and the Matrimonial Services on the Thames ; | | by way of parenthesis, we humbly hope that the engagements of the - will always terminate as as the engagements of the | Other ! There was a reserve squadron of the Citizen Boats lying off in the offing, with an extra stock of fireworks on board, in case the attendance at the Gardens had been sufficiently to have called in their |assistance. It would be invidious to mention names, but we plainly distinguished the cotton pocket-handkerchief of ApmiRaL Joxxs fying proudly from the mizen-mast of the Grocers, whilst the brave Admi himself was standing with the greatest unconcern on the paddle-box, | quietly smoking his pipe, as if nothing at all was going on! We re- | marked to a bystander, “ That is exactly like Juvxs !” | The action began about 11 o’clock, r.m, by Commopore Jowzs igiving the signal to “Kase ’sR.” iately his flag-ship, the Bridesmaid, advanced to the Rock as near as the shallowness of the water would allow it, and discharged such a broadside of squibs as made Battersea Bridge shiver again in every one of its timbers, All the other ships followed, each of them firing, as they oes the Citadel, with the most admirable precision. The firing was |, for, to judge of great results by little causes, we know we on. a white waistcoat at the time, and in less than three minutes it was completely black. The smoke, too, was so intense that we were obliged frequently to close our leyes to the beauty of the scene. We regret we lost, im this way, a great | deal of the Siege. The consequence was, we heard a deal more than |we saw. However, if we can ing in this world which we hear, tie Bombardment must have been one of the fiercest on record, for we have not heard such a noise since the opera of Floriada. When we opened our eyes again, a flag was being waved behind the battlements of Gibraltar—an unanimous discharge of sky-rockets leapt up from the port- holes of every ship, as if they wanted to set the sky on fire ; we hearda voice (we think it was Jowes’s) crying “Stor’sm!”’—the Thames turned from red ink to black,—and we were told that the impregnable Rock had surrendered. The Siege was over in about ten minutes, and it was as pretty as fireworks shot right and left, and then left and right, and | then both together, could it; but we registered a vow on the spot, that until cannons and Roman candies could taught, like chimneys, | would witness another, ’ | We afterwards strolled about the beautiful Gardens of Cremorne, and us ge 24. more agreeable way than the cannon balls, and enjoyed a cigar, w smoke was much leasanter in our eyes than the most herpes. 4 Susillade of Catharine philosophic enjoyment, and rather startled the company by ex , that “We would not aare a single one of the Arts of Peace for all the thundering Arts of War!” We find in our friend, Notes and Queries, an article with the above | title. They recommend various ch as pressing him with all your strength upon an iron bi and knocking him against the fire- grate as hard as you can; and doubling him up by bringing a weight of 400 lbs. to bear upon his side, and a multitude of other agreeable tests, which we should be very sorry to apply to any “ Biade” of our acquaintance. There are various ways of testing a Blade. You can ask him to stand security at a Loan If he shrinks, he is not a good Blade. The best way, however, is to try him with a good Bill. If the Bill is a very heavy one, and you find that, without much pressing, the Blade gives way quietly, and allows you to make a handle of him by putting his name to the Bill, and moreover takes up the Bill when it becomes due, you may consider it a very fair test indeed, and that your Blade must be a first-rate one for not ¢ rusty, or snapping, during the experiment. The softer your Blade, better, of course, he yields to the test. In fact, if your Blade is excessively scft, you may bend him to anything you please, and it becomes difficult to say whether there is any test so severe that you may not safely venture to a ee a es

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PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | | THE CRYSTAL PALACE UN-VISITED. (After Wompswortn.) By an Honourable and Gallant Member, PEACE DISABLING WAR. Turoven Piccadilly we had been ; The mazy throng unravelled ; The hideous mounted Statue seen, And by the Corner travelled : And when we came to Albert Gate, In earnest or in eae. My comrade cried—“ We’}] turn aside, And see the Crystal Palace!” “ Let foolish folk who come to town, And leave their buying, selling, _ There spend their money, ’tis their own, Each unit pay his tins! Let Farmers join the less race, To Free- ruin callous ; But we will down by Wilton Place, And shun the Crystal Palace ! “ What is it but a shed of glass, With idiots flocking under ? Outside I happened once to pass, And thought it no such wonder! ’— Strange words they seemed of slight and scorn, My friend waxed somewhat jealous, And whistled when he heard them said About the Crystal Palace ! “Oh, dull,” said I, “ the Koh-i-noor, The greatest humbug Fine! The fountains may be bright and pure, Yet we will leave them flowing. By Belgrave, Square, or through Mayfair, e’ll wander for our solace ; But though so near, we will not turn Into the Crystal Palace. “ Let those who can afford, partake The sweets they dearly pay for; Where ice, unless you’re wide awake, Costs double—ice and wafer ; We will not have it; let it go, Theit lemonade in chalice ! Pnough if by repute we know The viands of the Palace. “* Be all the Show unseen, unknown! It must,or I shall rue it; I have a notion of my own, ~ wh —~ undo it ? ® e pledges Session past, With all my tiery sallies, mo: Would melt in ai-, if | went there, To see the Crystal Palace. “ Some say, when wintry days shall come, And out seems foliy, Yet'we are to stay at home— A garden t! were jolly. But I'd bave oy ae Ere they should keep in Rotten Row This beastly Crystal Palace!” Ss Ge THE UNHAPPY CHILD. WISDOM PREACHING IN THE STREETS. A ¥ew years ago it was a frequent spectacle in and about London to see a concourse ot pean collected in some Open space, listening to the exhortations of a preacher in shal black, with a rubbish-heap for his pulpit, and the sky for his sounding-board. The Police to have su a ce, oecas ft conversions than cases of pocket-picking. We may, however, ant a revival of sermons sub Jove, if there be truth in the statement of the correspondent of a morning contemporary, who says, “ As I was passing along Orchard Street, Portman Square, last (Monday) evening, about nine o'clock, | was surprised to see a great crowd assembled round ‘ Kell Mell Buildings,’ and, oa inquiry, I found that Cazprvat Wiseman was preaching from « platform in the open air. The court, through which there is a thoroughfare into Duke Street, was illuminated, and filled with Irish. After waiting some little while, the Canpivat came into the street, to a carriage, w was waiting for him, attende by | boys and men wearing white surplices, and bearing lighted banner? and also an immense crucifix. There were a great many police standing around, but none attempted to interfere with this illegal procession.” Of course the license which is conceded fo CanprwaL Wiseman will not be denied to Esexezer Brown. The sincere Jumper has quite as much a right to promulgate his doctrines in the streets as the zealous |Romanist. It is not because Mr. Broww is a shoemaker; or indeed a | repairer of shoes, that he is to be comppelled to “move on,” and the CaRpINaL permitted to proceed. Should either disobey the mandate j to fp about his business, the oleaginous collar of Esgnezer is no less and no more sacred from the cluteh of the nan than the what-d’ye- call-it at the poll of Nicnonas: and British Justice contemplates with equal eye the rusty sables of the former, and the —— of the latter (with all his properties to.,boot) in the station- ’ | Toleration for ever!—but let it be universal toleration. In field vreaching let there be a fair field, and no favour. If the Romish saints are to have a hearing, let those of the “Latter Day” have the same. Now that the example has been set by CarpiwaL Wiseman, we may jexpect that the Reverewp Bo’s’y Sairu will re-enter on his itinerant |mission, The CarprsaL may consider himself to be a commissioned officer of the Ship of Peter: but the Law of England takes no more | aecount of him than it does of the Bo’s’s. The wisdom of anybody has as much right to ery in the streets as the wisdom of Wisemaw. | = ———— | It's an ill Fire that burns good to Nobody. | Aw accident by fire has just deprived France of a quantity of that flimsy rag in which she centres much of her glory. The flags taken ia battle, and hung up at the Invalides, were the other day nearly all re- | duced to tinder. We hope the circumstance may turn to the of |our neighbours, who might have a great deal more to be of than their military trophies; and we trust it will now occur to them that in pre their ambition with an old flag, they place i+ at a very low ‘ standard. \) Be to Lombard Street,m the Pears by William Bradbury, of No. 13, Upper Wobura Place ia the Parish of St. Pancras, aud Frederick Mullett Brana, of No.7, Charch Ro”, Stoke both im the County of Middl-sex, Printers, st thei? Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of Louden ond pabilohed ty than or er ah Plant Suart, to ae Deano? ae Briar emet Lendoa.—Sate ty of Boat, August Ded, lov!

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SSS ous the late less "ye- nth tter ield ints may rant nore that nm in | Te- it of than at in low ra, at thelr , baw! PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 95 THE STABLE MIND. mI WH} {| ih, % ag ; “Dear Mr, Poncn, “T am ‘The Wild Horse of the Pampas ’—at least I am the unhappy quadruped that Ca ‘ Mi a | nm tae Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. | Nasal and low his voice became | The while he tipp’d the Cross with flame ; | And the few words that reach’d the air, | Although some saintly names were there, Had more of than prayer. But when he brandish'd o’er the crowd Its pion points, he cried aloud, Woe to the thief who turns his rear, When summoned by this symbol here ; For, as its points these Congreves sear— | say no more—the faithful near Full well my meaning 4 | Ye understand the hint of flame, | L’il say no more about that same ; | And lads and lasses on ~ name Shall spit and trample, dd ery shame Upon our Ponts ‘oe ie ' Then rang the tongues of females, til) It seemed the clacking of a mill, Everyone scolding with a will ; And children, you’d have thought them ill, Did squeak and squal! also ; Answering, what to repeat we dread, And likewise “ Punch the sinner’s head; A couch of nettles be his bed,” And “ sorrow take him, oe, # they said ; “ Bad luck to him, and woe!” A sharp and noisy echo gave The Porg’s Brass Band of fool and knave, Who for a while have ceased to rave ’Mid outeries of “Oh, oh!” Then paused the holy man anew, And c! hard he puff’d and blew, While, with swoln cheeks and shaky hand, And trembling so he scarce could stand, Worse than he had already said ; and any one, to see the way I am pulled and hauled about of an evening, | goes by name would think I was the most vicious, unruly beast that ever was crossed. Now, it really is not so —I am perfectly quiet, and although, what with ’ Busses, and one thing and the ‘other, | have seen porkape, I good average animal, and have no objection to amuse a public | outed. a British h Publis’ by any cleverness [ possess. as a finish, in as neat a manner as some hunters, I have seen, ut, however, what I more particular] apid act, and am Teall y more ready for five in trousers, too, | some work recollect, a a dew A, pee with very good every time [ pote om a Iam seized by a gigantic Frenc I recollect in poor Ducrow’s time?) who almost actually do so, if a7 rider — i tug as vi am supposed to be raving mad that nothi than you, Mr. Punch; much pluck and nerve as Ma. Eaton Srowe. I jump very well, and, as you may | | And eyes that started from his head, } He strove to say, against the blade Sedition’s call who disobeyed ; And thus again his voice was heard, In language perfectly absurd :— “ Now bear this Cross, boys, in your van, And it on from man to man. | Blind be the ear that fails to heed ! Deaf be the foot that shuns to speed ! orously in a contrary direction —an ing but the most violent opposition prevents me leapi ee i out of 4 circle and —— about the pit. I wish you, by a wor No one “Tam, Dear Mr. Punch, “ Your very sagacious servant, ’Twas all prepared ; and from the flock An oaf, the biggest of the stock, The needful articles conveyed, For any row a ready blade. The scowling Priest, with grin and glare, Sedition’s Rood did’ next prepare ; A helter’s length in measure due; The shaft a torch; the limbs were two - The Cross thus form’d he shook on high, With felon hand, and evil eye, And fierce and frenzied f. woke In imprecations whilst he : “ Woe to the spalpeen who shall view This symbol of our native stew, And not resolve that he will do Whate’er he can a storm to brew For England’s overthrow ! ” “Tue Wiip Horse or tue Pampas. — —-s THE FIERY CROSS! See “ The Lady of the Lake.” Deserter of his Prelates’ trust, He ne’er shall profit by our dust ; But, from each shrine and relic thrust, The faithful’s execration just Shall doom the wretch to woe.’ He paused :—the word his vassals tech, With grinning teeth and wolfish look ; On high their dingy fists they shook, Their shirtless bosoms wildly strook ; And first they mumbied low, And then, applauding his discourse, Their ill blood heai ing at its source, They roared and bawied with all their force, And yelled and screamed, till they were arse, “ Woe to the divil, woe!” Hush’d was the scream, and stil!’d the yell; The Monk resumed his mumbled spell ; write to you for, is this :— | on rest than anything else, | alas! where are the dear old top- boots | ulls my head off; and I really believe would d this because | | from | Driven in exile to reside ! I am sure, can feel for a dumb | or two, to abate, if rossible, | the terrible pulling and ellen I have alluded to. Mind, I don’t object to the galloping and | jum r=: rather like it—and I may say that it isa pleasure to be backed by a fellow with so Confusion seize the wl np = eyes! Scorn make the heartless soul its prize ! Drive the black traitor through the earth ! Scout the am coward from each hearth ; And be a dwelling him denied, As dies in gloom this brilliant spark, So live his name in odium dark !” He ceased ; and all his hearers then With one accord exclaim’d “ Amen!” Jeremiah, You needn't blow the Fire. AmoneG the recent inventions, is a venti- | ‘lating stove, intended, we suppose, to enable | a fire to blow itself. This may be a con- | | venient arrangement, though it lays the in- | |ventor open to the imputation of blowing hot and cold at the same time. We presume | the ventilation is by a downward draft; for it would be awkward to have a stove that would blow up. Perhaps, after ali, the object is to save the ex of advertisements, by | enabling the veneens stove to puff itself, 4 Legal Intelligence. Mr. Duyvr has lately provincialised with the Insolvent Court, and has casually joined the Cireuit; for he begins to feel that his | proper ition is as a member of the In- solvent Bar. It is doubtful whether he will join the Bar-table, or remain as usual in a mess of his own. Ma. Duxvr will not avail himself of railway communication, but will ‘proceed on foot to the places where a Court is held, as he prides himself on limiting his | attention to that of his profession which \is entirely within his own walk ——— VL. EXE t L orinewmmne = rnc st apie et ee ee ee aise PIT S99 ~

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI BLACK LETTERS ON A TABLET! To Mr. Punch. | UNCH, in the itinerant drama, proves, my dear Sir, more than a match for the Prince of Dark- ness; yet—with pain | observe it—the Foul Fiend occasionally de- ceives even yourself. There is a Catholic pemeir children's children are bastards by the laws of England!’ newspaper, called the Tablet, and published at Dublin, conducted in a spirit of singular meekness, charity, and /Omfan loyalty. It is indeed, our leading newspaper; and its co- jumns, accordingly, are pervaded those sentiments of moderation, : ness, brotherly love, and respect Law and Government, by which our } Church is contradistinguished from all | other denominations of Christians— | if any other persons can be called Christians but ourselves. __ “Now, my very dear Sir, you oc- easionally quote, as from this religious Catholic organ, language aud expres- sions the most atrocious and abomi- nable: and, as parties are commonly | judged of by the tone of their journals, | these quotations are calculated to throw extreme odium on our sacred cause. “I know that your extracts from the 7ud/et are true for you. I am quite aware that you copy fairly the appearances of type ; inform you that these ap are merely diabolical illusions: such | as in older and better times were quite familiar, and among the Scotch were designated by the term ‘glamour.’ They can now, as the same sort of phantasms could then, dissipated in an instant by being sprinkled with holy water: you may try this experiment any day ; but, in order that it may succeed, it is necessary that you should first) believe in holy water. A in the Zablet—seemingly the} expression of the most currish rancour, the most frantic hatred, the most venomous malice—by the slightest spargefaction with the con-| secrated protoxide of hydrogen—becomes in an instant (to the believer | in that sanctified fluid) a gush of the warmest benevolence, an emanation of the heavenliest love. . “ Here, for example, is a specimen of the celestial manna of the Zadle¢ —transformed by demoniacal agency into fellest aconite ; which baneful | plant, by the way, Protestant malignity calls monkshood. It appears— to eyes that have not been opened by holy water—in the 7adlet of August 16th, under the head of ‘Fifth Letter of the Rev. Dr. Canttt to the People of Ireland.’ And thus runs the Devil’s perversion of the epistie of the holy Dr. Canrit :— “* But, fellow-countrymen, England shall not have everything her own way. We, are now forming a society, such as never has been seen in Ireland before. It will be a society fairly embodying the mind, and the heart, and the service, of every man, | woman, and child, in these kingdoms; and we shall live and die in defence of the deci- sion of this new, and glorious, and (with the blessing of Gon) triumphant association. Depend upon it that England has sapped her own foundations; depend upon me that France is not settled, and that Europe owes Eng'and a grudge, which never will or can be forgiven. Be convinced that, if Parvce Aupeat originated one hundred Exhibitions, and that the London Corporation dined, and slept, and lived with the French function~ aries every day and night for seven years,—be convinced that after all this display of artful civilities, there is not one Frenchman. or one Frenchwoman, or one French child, who would not dance with frantic joy at the glorious idea of having an opportunity before they die of burying their eager swords, and planging the erimaoned French steel into the inmost heart of ewery man bearing the hated name of Englishman. Therefore keep up your courage, and wait your opportunity in a strictly legal attitude, and England will be very soon in your power. We shall now demand perfect equality from our oppressors. We shal! demand the complete annihilation of the temporalities of the Protestant Chureh; | and I tell you that we shall have all England at our back support of all EB , and the sympathy of the civilised world. We are now com- mencing a struggle which shall end either in our entire emancipation, or in a conflict shake Great F merely, in the above, are mine ; which «heads Britawm to her centre. “The itali the language is the devil’s own. “Here ou have, apparently put forth in the chief Catholic | mewspaper, ostensibly with the authority of a Catholic priest, a manifest 8s tion of desertion and treason to our Catholic t ; and not y that, but an evident revelling in the idea of English bloodsh wherein, with half an enlightened eye, may be detected the workings the diabolical mind. What must the poor Protestant, whose feelings of natural indignation have not been mortified by the influence of the only | true Church, say, on reading this devilish stuff? What! but that the| only answer which it deserves, is such as may be given by twelve men! | ’ ! | ut I must). We shall have the moral | ref, in a jury-box, and a judge on the bench! The poor natural Protestant | wo wrong, of course. Instead of resenting the fiendish ferocity of the pretended priest Camt.i, he ought to weep over it, and pray for the conversion of the supposed savage. But, alas! it is only Catholics who bebave in this angelic manner under similar circum- stances. Then, how truly Satanic, to palm off upon society, as the writing of a clergyman of our Holy Church, the following inter- mixture of falsehoods and devil’s blessings, whieh I also extract from the appearances of Dx. Canriy’s fifth letter inthe Tadbiet :— “' Lonrp Jouw Russett has a a festival, to be held every year on the 4th of November, to burn the blessed Virgin, and to spit om the Cross; and the British Com- mons (long life to them), snd the British Lords (glory to‘them), and the illustricus ~ ov Ewouanp (may Gop bless her), have, with omeweice, decided that al! the lie ladies of Great Britain and Ireland are (this is the word), and that “Tying ‘beast!’ indignant exclaims phemous, detestable traitor! (Catholic priest, is it, as ’ im your great Catholic > 1 have simply to reply, my very dear Sir, ‘thatthe only genuine ionsf the foregoing paragraph are the benedictions it contains, ithewhich the rest of the Rev. Dm; Canrcr’s real letter is-quite in \keepimg. The demon has transfigured that gentleman’s phrases into for *semblances of evil, as he metamorphosed himself once ito a form of when he appeared in the desert to St. Aytowy. As to the weal Cani.t, the origmal Smson Pune, s0 mild a is that holy man, that butter literally will not melt in his mout fact which has been proved by the evidence of seven millions of witnesses; to which I may addithe humble testimony, my very dear Sir, of “ Your faithful Servant, “ Vumax.” “PS. The Tempter, under the mask of Dr. Cant, writes nonsense as well as wickedness. Speaking of England, he saye— “* She has added fifty-two millions of money to the field of her commerce, filched and extracted from the weakness of her neighbours; and she has been enabled, at the same time, to strike a deadly blow at the Catholic Church, which has disabled her for the moment “The Evil One clearly made this last assertion with a ay." e English prejudice against Bulls.” THREE MONTHS AT SEA WITH A PIPER!!! _ We saw in the 7imes (August 6th) an advertisement from a strange individual, describing himself as “a Piper,” and, amongst other recom- mendations, saying, that he was perfectly ready for N ENGAGEMENT, te go to the Shooting with any Gentleman, or would g© to sea as Piper on board any of Her Mavssery's vessels, and would make himself generally useful. Amongst “the pleasures of travelling,” we doubt if a Scotch Piper was ever before included as one of the requisites. We would as soon travel with a German Brass-band continually at our heels, or take the monster Italian Organ, on four wheels, as a travelling-companion. Besides, wouldn’t “the Piper” be a little in the way of the shooting? Instead of helping to bring down the game, wouldn’t he only frighten it away? A bird might stand fire, but we doubt if the boldest specimen of the whole feathery tribe could stand the Bagpipes! But, if a plan should be wanted for driving all the game out of England, in the same way that Sr. Parricx drove the reptiles out of Ireland, we beg to recommend the above proposal of “the Piper” as the one best adapted for that object. Let him only walk through England, with his instrument in full blow, and all the poulterers might as well shut up shop, for not another head of game will they ever be able to sell after the experiment ! We should see the poor distracted birds flying, in large clouds, out of ey never, never, never to come back in! As for the second half of the offer, we cannot conceive any individual insane enough to shut himself up in the same yacht with a Piper! nd upon it, if he was not already stark staring mad at the time of sailing, that he could not help, before he had been three months at sea, coming home in a hopeless state of incurable lunacy. As for ourselves, we would use to sail in any vessel that had the Bagpipes on board. The knowledge of having such an instrument of torture in the same vessel with us would produce in our breast such a feeling ef sea-sickness as would be the death of us in less than one week !—which would not be, we are afraid, the pleasantest way, for either party, of “Paying the Piper.” 4 The Chinaman and his Wives. Cuunc-Arral, and his brace of wives—his two better halves— | have been introduced to the Quesx and the Prince at Osborne. An illustrious lady was heard to remark that for one husband to have a couple of wives, seemed an odd way of matching China; very like | giving one cup to two saucers.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. oF |to % wig: Ut goed, a np wives, and unexceptionable peers’ ¥ | ughters always on hand in every variety. THE WINTER GARDEN Felicity is guaranteed “ on the he oe of inviolable seoresy ;” Am.—* Curw's Garden” (Rustic Melody). wil vouch for it, neither party ever dreaming of their happiness. There |is, moreover, this advantage : .“ applicants may sign by initial or motto.” AS down the Winter Garden in the bliss being more intense if obtained anonymous! fancy I did go, “ None but a parties can be treated with.” Imetagallant Cotonetthat| Such is the declaration of the “ Secretary,” whose bill is before us. x of you —_ know ; woe this intimation, we es . hand the an ow to the attention wore a magnifier, lo! that very respectable y—the “ parties” new police. Perhaps held it to his eye, Inspector A. will favour the Secretary with ds initial;, and with it, A And at the Ingy and | motto—" safe bind, safe find.” trees continually did. spy, | Continually dist spy. = = SSS Ss

AWHEUL FIRE AT DUBLIN. (From our own Reporter.) Ow Tixesday morning, August 19th, an extensive: fire broke out in «| Dubiiiw; and, Rough happily unattended: with losw of life, there ane too | grounds fo that it will be ultimately found to have te property, as the real victims of its of wealth ; that is to say, the industrious suspicious ous-looking columns of smoke had been tt» iseue ffonp the office of the 7as/et newspaper; and a smell “ Exeuse me, gallant Coronet; there’s no offenue design! of fire Had! beem distinctly eptible in various quarters of the city, I think as how I’ve heard that you Warn t al wayssoff tits: mind.” especially in and about the an Catholic Chaps: but on Tuesday, “You speak the words of truth, which [ freely wallialliow;; at Dam, the oolomer beeame: general, and by flames were seen But my opinion ’s alter’d, and f feel quite different mows,” ascending in several directions. A t placard was in a few eel quite different. news” ‘moments reduced te ashes, aud’ a shop-front, of the same persuasion, “ a stared’ a similar fate. For a short time the flames were —— ressed by a What ehang-ed your opinion, might 1 beg you for to state ‘ the praiseworthy efforts of the Police; but, between 1] and 12 o’clock, Oh! Lm open to convietion ; though ’tis sometimes rather late ; | they agai burst forth in the Rotunda, which, being filled with the But there is no resisting this fair and lovely view ' most inflammable materials, rendered a conflagration unavoidable. > ry * Of plants from Madagasear, and Chayny, and | eru, | Under the names of the Most Reverend Dr. Cuvcen, calling himself And Chayny, and Peru. Axc y+" or — Dx. M’ ” the Hiymen of C titerseme sort of thimg: We almost wonder it is still attractive, for as | Lane is no less serupmious im his office ; beit of the two functiome tite! ttterattracuemisin the danger, and it does not seem. te be dangerous, | latter might be even more disastrous to those who fell into the handS' since nobody has yet broken his neck, and the thing is being done some | of the match-maker thirty or forty times a week in different parts of London, we are However, at the . Matrimonial Alliance Office ”—(it might have been | surprised people go on paying their money on the chance of a neck the Hand-in-Hand)—every body may be matched, “ from the tradesman | being broken.

— =

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL THE LONDON PONS ASINORUM. Our bridges used to be one of the prides of our Metropolis, but they are now, alas! becoming our disgrace. We have no right to quarrel! with the bridge that carries us safely over, but we feel we have a right to quarrel with West- | minster and Blackfriars, for their carrying us safely over has long been a matter of doubt. The bridges may be all very well in the abstract, but they are so shaky in the concrete, that if we trust ourselves to the premises, we may | have to lament a premature con- clusion. ‘The fact is, that it won't do to let a bridge rest upon its own merits alone ; for, if it does, it is sure sooner or later to give way. The Ory is still They Can't Come. Tae New Road has taken the complaint of so many of the London streets and thorough- fares, and a general breaking-up of the system has been the result. The fact is, that in the parish of St. Pancras the Wood Demon has been at work. It is all very well to quote the maxim, that “ Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” but the traveller who has a will to go from Euston Square to King’s Cross will find there is noway atall. | FE APES 8% BEGe are F i | f 7 WIT IN ERMINE. *t ural consequence of our print- of the J will name him, so the laurel opinion MR. BRIGGS GROUSE SHOOTING. ll a.m. Ma. Baices secins to show Symptoms or Disrress. A VERY DIFFERENT THING TO BIS Native Frac Sronezs. yispjs unis “ Native | Tas Li critics make a | great Pig hen few nights | i enerabl ap- since—a vi le he-goat d Julius Casar, on the Liv Do our | Liverpool brethren. that a | was the primitive 3 4.m. Torat Prosrration or Ma. Baices.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 102 PUNCH AT THE PLAY. A VISIT TO DRURY LANE. Ir a modern THomsow were to wish to write another er = ‘on the “ Seasons,” he would find novelty—at least of subject—in the Seasons of Drury Lane. Some people are said to live a whole life in amsbour, and |. Drury Lane, most certainly, lives through several seasons im a single bof his age ; and, when we say that, we.amemn that she . the t man of the present dag,zand,Sor Lape decidedly ike the year. It generally begins about October, as the “ Home of Drama,” and finishes, about A as the “Stable of Atar It starts with a “Popular T scarcely any callers, except a few renters, who drop their compli- mentary cards at the door, while the horse, “Atar Gull,” can boast a nightly crowd of visitors. The “Popular Tragedian” gets plenty of j i t the “Acknowledged Man- Monkey” receives substantial proofs of acknowledgment at the hands | edge of empty—ruinously empty— praise ; of nightly crowds. We will not ask why it is? but so it is; and declining to ask the question, whether it is cau the dinner hour, the expense of keeping the house dusted, the Italian Operas, the want of actors, the Y= salaries, the dearth of pieces, or any other of the hundred-and-fifty reasons usually sail for the ruin of the large theatres,—we pass on to the fact, that Drury Lane answers very well for nearly everything but the purpose to which it is conventionally assigned, We paid a visit a few evenings aD, and entered a crowded house, just as the “ Acknowledged Man-Monkey” was going through his “ delineations of the monkey tribe.” Asa zoological study, we should say the “delineations” would be rather deceptive, and the student of the habits of monkey life must not trust too implicitly to the “ Acknow- ledged Man-Monkey”—is the acknowledgment in writing ?—at Drury Lane. Afterwards, we fe the “Brothers Ectiorr,” with their “Drawing-room Entertainments,” which caused us to wonder where the Drawing-room may be in which such entertainments could be con- veniently carried on. The “ Brothers” throw themselves, and each other, about in a manner that would be fatal to any of those little objects of knick to be found in drawing-rooms of even the humblest pretension. e cannot imagine ourselves sitting in a salon, and being bounded m upon by three youths in spangles—and scarcely anything else—one of whom throws himself down on his back on the hearth-rug, while another jumps on to the hands of his recumbent brother, and is pitched, head-over-' , into the middle of the room. The foreigners who visit Drury Lane will, we trust, not go away with the idea that our drawing-rooms are the scene of such proceedings ; and we must particularly warn them against the idea that at Her Masesty’s Drawing-room there are any entertainments of the kind. There never was so much horse-riding in the Metropolis as at the might easily be divided, like Yorkshire, into present moment. London its North and West Riding. Drury e might rank as the capital of the former; whilst for the latter, Cremorne, the Hippodrome, | = Astley’s might each claim the same epithet in its own peculiar circle, At Drury Lane, the Riding takes a higher bound than we have ever witnessed in a similar arena. Their ambition seems to be of the most vaulting deseription; the merit of which, often as it leaps, until counting becomes a , is that it never “o’erleaps itself.” There is a grand , called “ Battoute ing,” in which the art of leaping is catall to the very greatest height. “One fellow leapt so tarnation high,” the American clown informed us, “that though he went up quite a boy—in the spring-time of his existence—he never came down till he was an old man, with a family of ten children.” The acronauts must be rather afraid of this new Yankee sect of Jumpers; for they a. up as high as sky-rockets, and then whiz round and round i the air like so many harine-wheels. If one of them came in collision with a balloon, the boulerersement might not be exactly pleasant. _ The Clowns belong to the talkative genus of clowns ; but then it must be recollected they spring from an American race, which may account somewhat for their loquacity. If anything, they talk too much. I talk so fast,” said one of them, “that it takes Echo six months before it can give me an answer—and that’s a fact. I talk so tarnation juick that no steam-engine can follow me; and in Kentucky, nineteen old women, at a tea- arty, died on the spot of vexation, because they couldn’t put in a word, and if that isn’t the truth I’m blessed if my wife mayn’t run away, and never come back again.” Bat still they ean be as nimble with their feet as with their tongues. The funny way in which one of them a quadrille all by himself, was proof of this facility. The difference between the Ancient an Modern Quadrille, was given with a degree of point which we have rarely noticed im the toe of a Clown before, excepting, perhaps, the present wearer of Grimatpr’s mantle (and very hot it must be to wear in this weather), Ma. Fizxmorz. es ” m Autumn, and comes to the “ Acknowledged Man-Monkey ” before the Summer is at an end. The worst of it is, that when it is the “Home of the Drama,” there are The Lane play-bill gives the names of the horses and the riders, but the names of the Clowns are studiously buried in the deepest sawdust. We think this looks a little like jealousy. The same mystery is preserved with the Master of the Ring. If the same exclusive spirit been acted upon m ; the world would have lost the renown of a Wrppicoms. Wecould ‘feeling how superior that |great Master was to all other Masters of the Ring. For instance, the American of , lags at least dly the first man n.pomt years behind him. Wa apreoms ds“ Au rectoen emnmrenth, the Deuary Jaane Company boasts of the same number of wonderful horses as any of its wonderful rivals. There-are horses who fire off pistols; who dig Bp hidden purses; pick up handkerchiefs and hand them, on their hind legs, to their legitimate owners; who grind a.burdy-gurdy (“that ’s a fact,” as the Clown would say), and dance the Golitska or the Cachucha, or any dance you please. They jump through hoops, and over bars and scarfs, and run along the the barrier of the Circus. In short, the wonderful creatures | do everything but =. We imagine, however, that this accomplish- ment, even, they will soon be tutored to acquire, and that before _ we shall hear Hamlet played by an highly-trained stud of horses, we will be bound that they would Lag Ag quite as well as any company | dos since which has been at Drury ACBEADY left it. Inthe mean- time, until the horses learn to speak, the performances are well worth |going to see, for many of them are so clever that they speak for themselves. A FAMILY PARTY. Tre Times, of the 18th instant, had one of the oddest advertisements we have seen for many a day; an advertisement summoning all people lof the name of Jewxmves to a public ing. It seems that some |property has been left by a Jewwives, and question is, which ENNINGs is to have it? The entire body, consequently, are to meet | together, with their pedigrees, to determine the matter. Hami/e/ talks of his being.“ a little more than kin and less than kind;” the passage is obscure, but we think the forthcoming meeting likely to illustrate it. | Considering the party and the object, we there will be more sople there than are likely to be “kin,” something considerably ess than kindness existent among them, How is business to be managed? Mn. Jewxryes must take the chair, and Mz. Jewsnryes must move the first resolution, and Ma. Jexnincs must rise to move an amendment, and Mr. Jenyrnes must appeal to all the Jewwivases to be heard against Mn. Jewwrnes in the | chair, who insists on order. If two tlemen rise to speak together, |who is to settle which is to have the ing? Will the partisans ‘of both ery out, “Jennrves! Jewnrees!” How can any speaker designate the last speaker with clearness? He cannot begin, “ Gentlemen, Ma. Jewnrnes has told you ”—there will be a cry from everybody present, “No, I didn’t!” As for personality, that will luckily be nearly impossible; it will be impracticable to insult a Mz. | Jewwixes in the presence of so many. Exchanging ecards will be of no use in this case. Out of the dozens of JewyrxGszs on every variety of pasteboard, how pick out your Jewwmves? how select the man you | desire to call to account? The thing is awful to contemplate ! Christian names are not various enough to meet the difficulty; there |must be dozens of Toms, and Jacks, and Hamrys, among the multitude ! | They are called ostensibly as relatives, these Jewwiycses. But who does not see that it will be the interest of everybody to repudiate his neighbour? Call ong yous first cousin, and you admit the possibility of his; being from an elder brother, and so nearer the common aneestor. No. Everybody will insist that he is the only genuine Jewnivas; that, | like a bottle of the real Krxc or Ovpe’s sauce, he alone has the ge | name of the producer. There will be a fine aint the pedigrees, |we may be sure. “That ’s my great-grandfather, Sir!”—* No, Sir, mine!” Parish registers will be at —s and tombstones precious | stones, indeed, on the occasion. any a J ENNINGS, we fancy, will 'feel inclined to hang himself on the genealogical tree before the | business is over. ; One consolation, at least, suggests itself—that the bearers of the name of Surra have not yet been summoned. No, no! The darkest | malignity only could suggest a step like that. If that comes off, why, we must shut our shops, call out our specials, and prepare for the worst. The Railway (no) Dividends. Ar the recent meeting of the Eastern Counties, it was anounced that there would be a dividend of £0 Os. 0d. This really looks as if the | dividends were getting quite round. Semen

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! YANKEE DOODLE AT COWES. | Saar Bee the Newspaper Paragraphs shout the Yacht “ America.” Yankee Doone came to Cowes, With temper rather skittish, Slick and trim from stern to bows, And bound to wop the British. Loxp A.’s craft is rather smart; Lorp B.’s cutter’s handy ; ' — till you see our boat start,” Says Yankee Doopte dandy. “O, Yaxwxee Doopte, doo, She’s the boat to win, Sir; * When it only blows a few, Crikey, how she grins, Sir!”

“Yaxxez Doopte’s run is clean REMAREABLE CROCODILE FOUND IN IRELAND. As a Repudiator’s— She walks through the etarnal green ——- --—— : Sle } As he does from his ‘ Her masts point upwards to the skies, LITERARY ECLIPSE. —e — a or ; ile down below " We hope the printers will take the precaution to damp, with additional moisture, the To represent the al sheets on which our present number is printed, as we are about to introduce a piece of | O, Yayxee Doopte, doo, brillianey from a Sunderland paper, which is really enough to burn everything else com- | You'll wish the clipper farther ; pletely out. The writer, wishing to communicate the fact that the sun set on a certain | She walks as fast as does the lizht day, bursts forth into the following literary blaze. Our Sunderland contemporary can | From every Yankee star there.” scarcely be safe with such a fiery genius on the premises, which we trust are amply insured. : We feel it a sort of duty to throw cold water upon this luminary, and put him out. Now,| “Yankee Doopir’s pennant waves, reader, take care. If you have got a pair of green spectacles, put them on before you Flapping like oe read the following, or get a piece of smoked Bony Are you ready? Now, then, let the Won’t your Swells look black as slaves? Sunderland luminary fire away :— Won't it make ’em skip, Sir? “ The rest of the evening, and ly before sunset, the heavens presented the most glorious aspect we | ya Wy ty afraid - ever remember to have witnessed. he blue expanse beyond, seemed more pure, stainless, and incorruptible, } = you ; us ¥ 1 . than ever feasted our visual orbs before. Interspersed, as it was, with calm companies of gold-fringed, curling I can’t help saying, when you ’ve weighed, cloudiets, that reposed in the most tranquil and holy rest on the breast of this stainless canopy; and the You’re likely to be wanting! floods of golden light that st d with tremulous, wavy motions from the mighty orb, as ‘he stood trembling O Yaxxez Doop at the gates of the west,’ electro plating with burnished gold every hill and tree, every house and spire ; and, as | : LE, he rolled down among the mountains of clouds that seemed to gather there to form a magnificent temple for | She’s the boat to wop ; his reception, and which his setting beams invested with such brilliant tints and golden effulgence, we You ’re too fast by half, at Cowes ; thought that this was surely a scene enough to make any one, not absolutely irrational, to feel a struggling of } We’re the boys to stop you 1” emotions too sweet, and too big for any other utterance than that of silent worship.’ } ,

We have only one suggestion to make about the author of this yonenee. Let him be | save placed in the centre of his own parish, where his brilliancy wou! the expense of A Cardinal Would-be. gas or oil, and realise the most sanguine idea of what might be done with the electric light. A Comaesrompenr of the Morning Advertise | asks— “ Would ay pee Sat, be are F mann -< he THE POTATO IN IRELAN D. rs ow ‘age oh @ volver cushion, ‘= whieh ‘is the Cardinal's hat! Would not Wiseman be a Woxser if he (For the Kilkenny Cat.) could ?” re © pom |The could, a real Wousmr. As he ean’t,—a Linsey. the breadth of the Wolsey. ciiiieiniliniininlaanaaediie Ry Fay if| ARTICLES LOST AND FOUND IN THE CRYSTAL in defiance of the , seme. scorn and tyranny! Amone the articles lost and found in the Crystal of the Saxon. Yes ;' Palace, there have been two that would form the we shall be spared greatest curiosity in the whole Exhibition, could they the exultatious of, be embodied in the collection ; we allude to the time the bigotted crew,| lost by the various clocks, and the level found by who have too long, the water in the numerous f oA dominated over this | ogee’, but now for ever hence- forth indignant THE CHINESE LADY’S SONG. country. .| A Curves lady of rank has been singi The potato is! Her Masesty at Osborne. Wehave been saved. Had it pe-| with a copy of the song, which we beg rished, we should| tancous! ished in China. have met with sympathy from Turkey—with consolation from the land of the Great | a pom Ba - te secure Mogul. R= Hindoo would Fy eet Minot 2 y- of rice is ee —yom right. orth a helping hand across the sea to Ire ; the uimaux would have wept like a brother. All nations of all corners of the earth would have sympathised with stricken Song of the Chinese Lady. Ireland,—whilst the callous, brutal, and calculating Saxon would have gorged himself with Ohe o metoth ete asho pwit hme. the beef of Ireland’s sons. We are saved from this insult, for the potato is sound— Andb uya po undo fthebe st. sound as the hearts of Ireland’s patriots, beating as they do with brotherhood and peace. Twi lpr oveam ostex celle ntt ea. Itsq ua lit yal lwi lla tte st. ENTERING vor THE PLats.—A burglary was committed the other day at the Bridewell | Tivo nlyf oursh illi ngsapo und. in the City, and two or three of the constables were robbed. ‘The burglars carried off a _ Soc omet othet eama rtan dtry. uantity of and the only wonder is, that as they were in the humour to carry off all! Nob ettere anel sewh ereb efou nd. the spoons, they snould have left any uf the constables behind. Ohs ayth eny ou’rer ead ytob uy.

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riser ut, he | ARLE, if be | ssp -ystal n the they time d by Saag s 3

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARTV ART. 103 |

HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. F singular heraldic objects, there is one | har so; we mean a dymphad— which is the heraldic name for a ship. One of these looks as fit for sailing’ as if it had been built by a modern Admiralty. The Dukes or Arcyie) bear a “lymphad with sails thirled) in the second and third uartems'| bce shield, as representatives of, the Lords of Lorn—to indicate, we | suppose, that they rowed im ‘tthe same boat with those old potentates. We confess that we should be gorry to embark our fortunes m a lymphad minute— ee Se own the = hee Greenwich—even although i disp flags and pennants flying, guien, = tentious!y as it does m the And we are afraid, with = disposition to exclaim, “ , brothers, row,” to any worthy master of a lymphad Pa that these vessels will be symbolicallg, as they have been literally, er em na ee the superior powers of modern steam vessels. poimted out the Chief, the Pele, the Chevron. The Fess is not so sus- ible of a festive style of treat-| | ment as other heraldic objects. It is, however, rather an important one | | odd theory —it encloses a third Antiquarians grow ; And gleaming through the meh ae grass, Sweet Bourbon lilies proper blow !

We invited our meaders last week to’! m Christian) —the Sours certain Honouratile Ordinaries. We ‘thing ; ibrt, having given jis the shield horizontally across the centre. Be to the Surraw. I should dike

When the dark hatchment on the wall, All black in ground, shows both are gone, When crests > leon faletiy faintly on the pail, Our honours merge into our son. He, q our bearings shows, Ay first and fourth my !ymphads sail ; Second and thard with pride disclose The crescents that you bear in pale. A TESTIMONIAL TO THE SULTAN. | “Mr. Porcu,—I write to you from the vats of Banctay anp Pemxmss ; and amemtbeldened to do so by the circumstance that, upon = occasion—to which I needn’t more partic’larly allude at this | ne a the pictur of two or three of my mates, had the honour to themselves in your widely circ’lated columns, But that’s not what I’m going to write just now. “Mr. Punch see by the papers that the Surtan—iike a jolly as he is—is going to let out that brave fellow Kossura aud ‘ns companions : let em out safe and sound, with not a hole pecked in their precious skims by that vammiut.of a double-headed eagle, which is kept m Austria to feed — aud vitals of brave men, for ee wultures on garbage at the “Logical ens. KossuTs and his —~ the Porr was as into the ite 1 Fey diamond all | —and the up- pe, but is alive, and what is called a

‘s 1 ree af ae 5 being shown | Loe Sy - 8 ia, Kossure isn’t to hanged . i hu will some day be found once again Fi ll, I should like us, as Enel Joun Butt call him—for he could look at when he chose ; and see in i \loved and honoured him—Turk and i standing like a noble fellow—and that, too, as 18 he was none of the strongest—between the butcher and “the “Me and some of my mates have been thinks the pe: and it’s our opinion that we could give no ) the Sultan would be more grateful to his feelings as a Su i, rains A. a | soad ae - he oT aa —_ aa ey on tankard, silver-gilt, or all gold, if there ’s money es, a os like a barrel, gallon tankard, carved outside with ; and writ with a proper inscription, that t! me A down thing, any of the all his family as long as Turkey stands.—Tw wouldn’t it? Always ry = = the sideboard *bassadors from Austria or Russia dropt in upon bus’ness? Do you know, Mr. Punch, \ do think Old England — be worse represented in what is called the eyes of foreign powers. “ Any way, Mr. Punch, just re; ‘thing geing, and you may rely upon subscriptions from one and “Your humble Servants, “ Banciay and Penxine’s Draywen.” “P.8. We do think that the tankard shouldn’t go to Constantinople without a butt of our XXXXX. (and stronger than that, if you like). I know that Mussulmans don’t drink wine; ’a no law pias hops. At least I should think so; ie 0 pool Sor Te woe "" then, have come to see us; and don pewter ! m Public Works and Public idleness. A nerumy, extending to thirty-six fadlio ares, has has just been published on the subject of public works. We think we produce a companion volume, amounting to many more folios of speeches in Parliament, by way of showing the extent of public idleness. That which occupies more time im the doing ti everything else put together, is undoubtedly the doing of money thrown away upon nothing, would pay the National over and over again ; and as to a report on public works, let it occupy as many pages an | cost as many pounds as it will, the whole falls into insignificance before | the extent and the cost of public idleness.

A Check to Blooming. Ir is said that three females—wife and danghters of an innocent sea- captain now on blue water—have appeared in the public promenade of | Belfast in full Bloomer costume. Punch hes received various intima- |tions of an attempt in certain quarters of England at full Blooming ; | and has been asked his advice upon the exigency. Punch has to pro- pound an instant remedy. If women assume the dress of men, let them undertake men’s duties: hence, every Bloomer shall be liable to be trawn for the militia, without benefit of substitute,

something, that |

eed Shey cont

—

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FANNING A FLAME! THE SONG OF THE NORTH KENT RAILWAY. The Station Master sings. Come issue the tickets, and open the wickets ; To see the folks crowding is funny—quite funny ; By pushing and shoving just keep the mass moving, For all that we want is their money—their money. The RatLway PoLiceMan sings. Now don’t be perverse, Sir; though dropp’d is your purse, Sir, | We've something to do but to mind it—to mind it; _ To-morrow from Town, Sir, you ’d better come down, Sir, To see if we ’ve happened to find it—to find it. The Raruway Mowey-Taker sings. It’s useless, Sir, talking; you’d better be walking ; Your change | put down, and it lay there—it lay there ; If somebody snatch’d it, you ought to have watch’d it,— Move on, for you really can’t stay there—can’t stay there. The Rattway Door-Keerer sings. Keep back, and no pushing ; now, where are you rushing ? Your ticket, it’s very well, showing, sir, showing; _ By the train that’s departing, you can’t think of starting ; In an hour another is going, is going. The Ratuway ConsTaBLe sings. Come, none of your airs now, you’ve paid all your fares now ; Though waiting may be a vexation, vexation, You must stay where you are there, squeezed up by that bar there, Or else be walked off to the station, the station. The Raruway Porter sings, Your trank I can’t find it, and how ’s one to mind it ? * You ought to.know better than bring it, than bring it ; I just saw another, [ thought was your brother, _ To a man with moustachios, Sir, fling it, Sir, fling it. The Ratuway GUARD sings. Now, anywhere jump in—that carriage go plump in. Sit down on the lap of that gent, mum; that gent, mam— Sit down by the dustman ; [ tell you, you must man : You ’re wondrously to content, mum—content, mum. | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI a wistful eye at the defiant man; but—says Mz. Rerw hands off— " to other and more ‘ pence were subscribed here to the a bishop, he (Mr. Rerwotps} would be applied fete —* aay hg | “ See the ball I hold! Let the chemists toil like asses ; Our fire their fire surpasses ; And turas all our lesd to gold.” | Reywotps-or-tue - Dusii- Mover. | sings another version. His Irish al- chemy is not to turn lead into gold, but coppers into bullets. The Moors. ' | | Our Cockney correspondent says pata yg te the ing extremely sil ; the attempt to run after them is to be attended with numerous falls, | especially in patent-leather boots. He says the exercise is fatiguing in the extreme, and complains that t are no cabs to be on the hills, though there are plenty of flies. ; Lavy PassENGER sings. There ’s somebody smoking ; it’s very provoking ; My purse from my pocket is going, is going ; But = mid so many, to fix upon any, . . In the dark, too, of course, there’s no knowing, no knowing.” | The Ratuway Ticxet-Cottector sings. Why, what a collection! it baffles inspection ; [ wonder they managed to ride’em, to ride’em ; The different classes are jumbled in mas: And so | shan’t try to divide ’em, divide ’em. The RaTLway PAssEnceR sings. Well, really, [ never—did any one-ever See aught that can equal their capers, their capers ? Instead of remaining for useless complaining, I'll go home and write to the papers, the papers. ANOTHER PERFORMER OF “LA FIGLIA.” Ovr fashionable and Protectionist contemporary, The Herald, had the other day the following funny passage in the notice of one of those deeply interesting events, a “ Marriage in High Life.” It ran thus, “ We also noticed Mz. B. Houwms, the father of the Irish bar, and grandfather of the bride.” Why, this beats the old story of the “father of modern chemistry, and brother of the Ears or Cork.” The young lady, who has just become a bride, must, according to our ry be La Figha— | not of a regiment—but of the whole Irish Bar. course, the ion ship, if it exists, can only be by adoption, though we never yet heard of the lawyers in a body adopting a young lady, unless she happens to be | a ward in Chancery—which we trust is not the case with the bride of | the paragraph. An opera called the Daughter of the Bar might make | a pendant to the Daughter of the Regiment—though the interest of the | former would be serious in the extreme. A Rataplan, with the usual | Chancery refrain of “Tin, tin,’ would be highly effective; and as to accompaniments, the dominant instrument would be the Gross case, of | which the Court has always an abundant supply. | = | A Query.—Can anybody tell us whether Crzoparra’s was the needle that took the stitch in time that saved nine ? — Printed by W Sradbary, af No. Wobure Pince, im the Parish of St. and Predertek Mullett E of No.7, Charen Be O@ee, '» me pag ty ke Ay at a ee Ede, by them at No Se. Phoct Strect, in the P Stoke Newington, both in the County of Mid \'esex, Printers, at their of St. Bride's, m the City of Londoa.—Serun >a1, Avover 3th, Imi- butte beaut, think bigott the © I he Russi Cun hundr of the

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| = ial & & QSEE Teg 2, as ne|_ FROM OUR LONDON CORRESPONDENT. (For the Kilkenny Cat.) F course yeu will not be sur-| actor in the dark may be the best way of teaching acting. Ma. Banwum PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. 105 | | they play, among other things, Richard JIT. and Richmond, and make the very least of them. The public is further assured that the little girls can neither read nor write; a fact at which the public must rejoice mightily. I have heard that the way to improve the notes of singinz-birds is to put out their eyes; and, in like manner, to keep an prised at another attack by | has, however, delicately suppressed one fact—it is this :— i the Saxon upon the last shred | he liked—(and, for ail I tae to the contrary, may pcm of prosperity that, fluttering, | prove the little Baremans to be lineally d from the distin- hangs upon our insulted coun-/ guished Lorp Bateman, “who was a noble peer,” and who, in his try. Yes; the measure of our! pilgrimage to various countries, contracted a private marriage in wrongs is now full and run-| America; from which union have descended Richard III. and Richmond. ‘alace, as it is called, would | have passed away, without | leaving another wound on the bleeding breast of Ireland ? It was not enough that that fabric was raised by Irish skill — that Lrishmen hammered the iron—and Irish glaziers, as our own Moors sings, “cut their bright way through” a million panes of glass ;—not enough that, to the very struc- ture of the shamrock, Mr. Paxton owed his notion of the form of his Crystal Temple —(though, of course, all the honour and glory of the idea was given to the Victoria Lily) —but, that a new prize ex- pressly awarded by the fed 1 | missioners should be added to the list, in order to outrage our beloved country ! Will it be believed—but why do I ask ?—that a prize of enormous | value has been adjudged to a person of the name of—lI forget, but no doubt of an Irishman—for the invention of a machine (an infernal machine!) to be worked by steam; a machine that, in one day, shall reap as much corn as would fall beneath the sinewy arms of a hundred- power Irishman? Yes; the corn of the Saxon is to be cut by steam ; and loud is the brutal rejoicing at the fireside of every Saxon farmer. At every harvest-home, the most exulting speeches have been made— the most insolent toasts drunk to the success of the steam-labourer, and the consequent and well-understood confusion of the outraged Irish r. “to Irish industry and Irish benevolence, the Scotch and English farwers have owed the gathering of a thousand harvests. Irish riches have gleamed like sunbeams in the corn-fields of the despoiler,—but wait awhile, and “no Irish need apply.” The armies of Ceres that, for many a season, have Janded at: Liverpool, and Bristol, and Glasgow, spreading themselves over the breadth and length of the land ; econo- mizing their wages, on their return, by condescending to sleep at nights from Union to Union,—these armies wil! be disbanded by the mechanical reaper. The Saxon farmer is delighted with the prospect; and—I speak upon the best authority, or would I speak at all ?—every night drinks success to the mechanical reaper, and confusion to the Celt. Our venerable Docron Canttt has, of course, been outraged at Leeds. Benevolently disposed to teach the benighted Englishman the true principles of astronomy—as set forth by the College of Rome, and about to prove the sun one mile and a half in diameter, according to the authority of His Hotimvess—that astral luminary was attacked by| the bigots, but has since come out from the contest in all the triumph of intelligence and purity; having eaten his words like a mess of! buttered beans, to the confusion of his accusers. Oh! it was a| beautiful seene to behold—a great moral aspect to contemplate—to| think of Doctor CanrLt, as an astronomical lecturer, teaching the | bigotted Saxon the machinery of the heavenly bodies, as accredited by | the Court of Rome! ! have algo to inform you—and I do it rejoicingly—that Lorn Joun Russern has already directed a Government prosecution of Docror| Cutten! The Premier will have his £100; and if it were a hundred | hundred, all the better ; for wouldn’t the money leap from the pockets of the flocks for the honour and glory of the martyr? Of course, the| jury will be packed. I may next week send you the names of the| Protestant slaves selected by the Government for the dirty doing! must—in my duty of your own reporter—allude to other matters, [ must tell you that London is flat, collapsed, dead, laid out, after the diate return to her own country, finding London so mighty dull. And I had nearly forgot—the drama is taking a start. Ma. Barnum _ has enriched the stage with two little girls of the name of BaTeman: To8-TOR-TALLER.” VOL, xxL M ning over. The emerald—like|There can be no dou the pearl of old—is dissolved | this ; %, in the nitric acid of England. | family You a berry ———$————_——— 4 SAMBO TO THE “GREEK SLAVE.” pretty image ; ob dat dere am no doubt ; And Hiram Powers him clebber chap, de man dat cut you cut ; And all de people in de world to Jook at you dey go, And say you am de finest ting dat ’Merica can show. But though you am a lubly gal, I say you no correct ; You not at all de kind ob slave a nigger would expect ; You never did no workee wid such hands and feet as dose ; You different from Susanwan, dere,—you not like coal-Liack Rese. Dere ’s not a mark dat [ see ob de cow-hide on your back ; No slave hab skin so smooth as yourn—dat is, if slavee black. down in Tennessee In such a skin as that of yourn is where Id like to be. Gosh! if | war a slave again, al I ’spose de reason why your face look mellumcholly sad, Is ‘cause dey gone and torn you from your lubber and your dad. How hard! say Massa JonaTHan—oh, what a cruel shame ! Ob course you know him nebber serve a nigger gal de same. But now no fear of floggee, nor from lubly wife to part, And here | stands and speaks my mind about de work ob Art; De nigger free de minute dat him touch de English shore, Him gentleman ob colour now, and not a slave no more ! MASTER JOHN BULL IN TROUBLE. Mr. Punch. “Wavy, Jounny, waat’s Tue warren?” : : . - Johnny. “Ie vou visser, Sin, THene's & NASTY UGLY Amenican neem Glass Show. The greatest news, is a giantess from Lapland ; she has gestina me.” only been here a week or two, but [ understand contemplates an imme- _ bt, had Baawom minded, he might have proved and have hee her ‘eee | * fact, by showing the Bareman > nit arms marked in the nape of the neck of either actress. P. Was it likely that the Crystal | however, this may remain over until the “ benefit.” ”" erhaps, New Trr.e.—Lonrp Agunpet goes by the name, now, of “Tue Great 7 = -— —

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ijl igi —* Mmm PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES:——No: 4 BATILE OF BOSWORTH FIELD, AUGUST 22nd, 1485. STORIES OF RAGGED SCHOOLS. To the Editor of “ Punch.” “TI pox’? know whether poustion j surdities you deal in. I dare say they are. bate popular education | detest philanthropic associations and all such humbug. ‘Then, possibly, it was you, or some of your writers, wheplayed me the trick of sending mea copy of the Hampshire n containing the report of a Ragged School Meeting at Southampton, with a number of passages im it, considered, 1 su; contrary’to my views, and therefore marked, and underlined. Whoever the jackanapes was, he has not succeeded in provoking me—rot. at ail, Tf the object was to convince mé, | can only say that it has equally failed. imposed upon by sucit ridiculous anecdotes as: these related by the | Rev. J. Brawom | troubled with synvpntiiy, aw they call it—aud are foweled. Yah! touched, indeed, by swattstull audi nonsense ag this, whieliis calculated to solten—the feelings, they sag, but I say the “A short tine ago, a Hem. aliout! tiirteen years of agp, ca'led'at-Hts (Mr. Brawcn’s house, and seid be wented’tecer lita Mie was shown in) much to the terror of the servant, who by no meanwrelivtied his rance, when, seid the reverend gen'ieman, the (-llowlng colloquy teol® place:— my bey, whae do wane?’ ‘Why, Sir, I heard you preasly a aertionplast night” ‘Did you? " *At the Rageed School, and your tem@ wae ttitem—@ise to him that asketh of aw; and from him that would borrow ef thee (tar-not Gimmaway. Now, | am come to bervew of you, and I hope you will set up to your text! (Laugier). ‘Well, my boy; what do you want to borrow? and what heave you been tm te habitof doing for wiiving?’ ‘Why, Sir, I have been a thief and have beemdagge® four times; bat if I hind ninepence, to set me ip to selling ingame FT would earn honest grui’ ‘1 lent the poor bey a shilling,’ said Ma. Baaycn, ‘which Nerinsigted! ow repaying me, atthe ratwof threepence a-week, and because [ would not take amy iaveress, he one morning, umebserved, threw a busch of onions into my room.’ “Never would have’ paid a farting. Timew im the onions out of mere impudenes. Idle young rascals have served me the same way— unobserved. Only wish I could have caught ’em ! , “ Ma. Baanca may be a weli-meaning man ; but—don’t suppose, Sir, [ aim at a paltry witticism—I must say I think this Baayca extremely green. He observes, that “* The answers given by some of the boys in the Ragged them, were most remarkable for qnickness and pathos! “Sir Schools, to questions put to } pie okes are among the ab- | @Uc@ess and im Tam not to be! But others are—weak-minded persons who are | | | | | people find to ery at in. a playhouse.. Ragged Infant. Roscroszs, [ | suppose—much good they will come to! Quickness?—Yea, Sis, | especially on the approach of a policeman, [’ll warrant you. But, now | fox theexam which. is. what. L. should call simply an instance: of pertinence. “*One peor little fellow, whe waa very ragged, when: asked. if he had. a: mother, replied, ‘Do I look as if | had aamother, Sir?’ “ A mere piece of street slang, Sir. ‘Does. your mother know you ’re out ?’—‘ Oh, don’t I love my mother!’—all. the same sort of tiing— what we hear every day of our lives from the little ragamuffins. who stand on thei head and walk on thrir hands about: the pavement; # most dangerous practice—as the sight is enough to give @ nervous person a vertigo. “ Again :—Under an archway,.one. winter's. moraing, Mz. Bnasen observed. what.be mistook. for a bandle of rags; but, “* Oo approaching it he found two little beys, the oneaimost nine, the other a] mostsiz years of age, huddled together, and almost perished with the cold. The arm of the elder boy was round hie be ther s neck, and was quite stiff with the frost ; and when he was asked wiry he kept it se long in that position, he promptly answered — Sir, my brother is younger than I, and I am trying to keep him warm’ Here was a toucis of natural affection that had never been : urpassed, “T beg Mr. Brawen’s pardon, Sir. I have seen these young moukeys surpassed im the same way by thosein the Zoological Gardens, often, Su—very often. Imone part of Mm Brawen’s address I rather coincide. Appealing in behalf of Ragged Seiwels to persons of ail denomiuations, “*If my house were on fire,’ said the speaker, ‘I should notask the men at the engines whetl»r they were Churchmen, Raptists, Westeyana, or Independents; bat | should s*y— Pump, away, leds, pump away.’ (Loud cheers), He would also say, is this great and good work-—’ Pump away. “ So should J, Six, if any amount of pumping would make the liitle varlets. clean. But you might as well try to wash a blaekamoor white, Sir; for ail your baths and. wash-houses,, which are another innovatson, and, |:ke yeur Ragged. Schools, will soon, I suppese, extend into the provinees, and we shall have all the lower orders, at Southamptor and everywhere else, indulging in luxuries and aequ‘ring learning above their station, through your philanthropie system of ‘ pumping,’ “Tam, Sir, by several years, your “* Sew ror. *,* Our Sexiow appears to be # Pump, that wants to throw cold ” “ Pathos !—the sort of thing, I believe—whatever that is—+hat some | water on Ragged Seleols. ——_$$——$

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 107 ANN HICKS TO F. M. THE DUKE. (Favoured by Mr. Punch.) Mrs. Aww Hircxs—through Mr. Punch—presents her duty to Field-| Marshal. the Duxe and Conqu’ror in 100 Fights; and having had her} eve drawn to F. M. the Duxe’s letter, which appeared in the news-| papers reflecting upon her; and feeling that the meanest subject as is | can plead a habeas corpus, having in the poorest Hnglish garret the strongest castle, Mus. Aww Huicxs offers her duty, and as a lone| woman hopes to be permitted one word. Strike but hear, is the motte of every Briton; and Mas. Awn Hicxs—saving the presence of | ¥. M. the Duxe—trusts, whatever Lonp SzeymovuR mag insinuate to the contrary—that she has not, and never will, forfeit her proudest birthright, which is to feel that the newspaper press is like the air she used to breathe in Hyde Park, if she has it not, she dies. F. M. the Duxe takes it upon him to write to Ma. Gaupritus of the Anti-Enclosures— “The Duke does not exactly understand what connexion is supposed to exist between his house in Piee«dilly and Mas Hicxs’s cottage, The Dune purchased from the Crown his pr: perty im Piceadilly.” Mrs. Hicks is the last woman upon the earth as would dispute an | account with F. M. the Duxe, who no doubt has filed bis receipt for Apsiey House, which may it cover F. M. many Waterloo Banquets, the | Grenadiers pever giving up the Congu’ring Hero Comiag, with God Suve the Queen and the rest of the royal family. Mas. Hicws says nothing against the Duke’ house in Piccadilly ; woman (which she no wish to be, oue way or the ether) if she dido’t feel the following as a stab :— “Mes. Heeus is neither more nor Jess than a squatter on the setaining banks of the Serpentine river.” That ’s it—“squatrer!*” That’s the blow! Mrs. Ann Hicks mast feel it: to be cal that, moreover, in print—a “ squatter ” by the “ Hero of a Hundred Fi ” and many more than that, she’s bound, if they were all told—to go to her grave as a “ squatter,” —which even Loxp Sermoun, which is saying a good deal, never called her before—is too much, with theeyes of Europe, as Mas. Hicks feels every ome of ‘em, looking at her, and at F. M. the Doxe in the bargaim. Mars. Hicks, moreover, eammot but feel much hurt at what comes next, as she reads it im the newspapers :— “The Doxe has frequenthy considered it his duty to inquire, and he could never find that Mus. Hacks bad any susherity whatever to establish herself there.” Mrs. Hicks does feel it partic’lerly slighting of F. M. the Doxe that he didn’t ask her own self about her rights to her stand, which would have proved to the generous heart of F. M. His Grace that she was no more a “ squatter,” with her humble ginger-beer and inoffensive apples, and her happy tea-kettle, that would have been singing still but for the spite of a nobleman as slia!l be nameless. Mes. Hicks says, she dees feel that she could have proved herself no more a squatter to F. M., than the Duxe is a equatter to himself; though, as she hears, F. M. has, perhaps, set down leon more piaces than she ever dreamed of. But to eonclude, Mus. Hicxs presents her humble duty to F. M. the Duxe, and shall be proud and happy to wait upon his commands, and to tell to His Grace the vanhien story of her wrongs, beginning with her first standing—(not squatting)—at the bank of the Serpentine, until she was crushed to the earth by the Woods and Forests. P.S.—Mars. Hicks sees by the papers that Lozp Sermwovn has put his keepers in the Park in livery: green frocks—gut buttens—and red stripes. Mas. Hicks bas no dowbst that they leok very fine ; but for her own part, she wonders how Lory S—eu—r ean look upon those buttons without thinking of the widow's team: (who was no squatter)—and to conclude, how he ean behold those searlet stripes without taking to his ved, and dreamang of am unprotected bieeding heart. Not far from the Truth. A snort time back, on the first night of a mew piece—that is to say, a new trauslation—at one of our theatres, (we could name it, but have no wish to be spiteful), loud cries were raised, wheu the cur‘ain fell, for ~ Author, Author!” “These cries were continued for some time, when, no One appearing, a Freneh gentleman rose in the dress circle, and said most seriously, “ Ladies and , de auther of dis piece is in Paris.” It is seareely necessary to state, that after this announcement the English Author did no¢ make his appearance. The best Scotch Joke we ever Heard. A curwer Seotchman, being told that Demostuemes was im the habit of making specekes at the sea-side with small stones in bis mouth, exolumed, “Hoot, mon! then be must ha’ been thedirst Member for Peebles.” (Loud proceeds to groan.) cries of “ Apology,” whieh not cep am, SpBeate | “THE LAST NIGHTS OF JULLIEN.” ORROR-STRUCK were we all last week to see the walls of London placarded with the above terrible announce- ment. We could not imagine what fearful erime Juuiren bad committed, that his nights should be numbered ae Oe of cs on cri- minal, Knowmg that he was a leader of the greatest exe- cution, our first impulse was to send off to Newgate to what sort of nights t ill-fated Maestro had lately passed. We were most anwiows to know whether, in the ogy of the penny-a-limer, “ his appetite bad remaimed good | to the last,” and whether, “ asthe termination of his career approached,” his usual firmpess had m the least deserted him? These inquiries, | however, were never made at Newgate, or Horsemenzer Lane Geol, s bargain about his | or anywhere else; for, m the meantime, our forebodings bad been but Mrs. Hicxs would be less or more than a/quieted by the agreeable discovery that the “Last Nights” whieh ‘had so much alarmed us, had reference merely to an en t at the Surrey Zoological Gardens, where Juctaem has intely been flourishing his éd/om, Tis ambrosial curls aud moustachios, aad | spotless white waistcoat, have not been seerifieed, we rejoice to say, to | tl ] ! t f ! ' Our Josaren © severe requirements © _ prison regulations. USAAEN, thank Heaven! is stil preserved to us; but really mana ors should be | careful not to shatter our nerves by such startling announcements. CROUCH, BRITANNIA! |_4 Disloyal and Unpatriotic Song, for the Rotunda: with Accompaniments by the Porn's Brass Band, For Britain, when a monkish band, With boast triumphant, forged the Popish chain, This was their blessing on the land, And barefoot friars sang the strain : Chorus. Crouch, Britany, Barrawyia, on thy waves, 3ritons ever, ever, ever, ever, #e our slaves ! Nations far more vast than thou Before our Pent iff’s footstool fa} . And shalt theu only scorn to bow, A-glvame aad scandal to them all? Chorms,—Crouch, Bevrammia, Me. Shall thy free spirit steenger rise, lhe firmer for our fereign stroke ? At least we'll do what in us lies To make thee wear the Pore’s “sweet yoke!” Cheres,—Croach, Baitanntia, &. CHEAP PERFIDY! “Dear Ma. “I~ a delence of the Lomp Maron's | Solicitor,’ in the money article of the Times (etieb | ie always 6 | imteresting), | read, the other day, that, im that Court “* The costs of an attachment as above, inelnding two counsel's fees, seldom amount | to more than £10 or £12 on each side, let the debt be ever so large.’ “A perjured wretch owes me at least.a thousand a year—which I know he has got—for blighted hopes and wounded feelings. I suppose, from the werd attachment, that the Lona Matou’s Court is intended to do justice to those who have been wr like me, im the /enderest point. But would you, if you were me, bring an aguenJor breach of promise in a court where £10 or £12 is all the cost-of am attachment ? “ Devotedly yours, “ Divan.” $i: STG sigued ‘A RAILWAY INTELLIGENCE. msidered to be looking up; yet reilway-business is decidedty inamumate; for m is utterly am Lhe eum of ous iness— panebuality. Rati ways are eo

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_ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVART. 1} ius ’ a = ONLY A PENNY! A SENSIBLE AND INGENIOUS TOY FOR CHILDREN. HERETIC DEATH “NATURAL AND NECESSARY.” HE Univers is the avowed organ of the Jesuists; but for all that, it has, just now, the grace of plain-speaking. The Fire-the-Faggot (one Louis Veuttsor who edits that meek and humanizing print, writes thus of heretics :— “A heretic, examined and convicted by the Church, used to be delivered over to the secular power, and punished with death. Nothing bas ever appeared to us more natural or more necessary. Happily this is only mere Jesuits’ bark ; But, take the muzzle off, and the Jesuits’ bark would cert ainly not be worse than the Jesuits’ bite. To burn a heretic is the natural and necessary way, according to the Catholic Church, itch shicts: the only sort of pitch ragrant to the Fisherman, and neces- Fisherman’s Boat simplicity that must charm the Jesuit mind :— s &@ For three loads of wood-fagots to burn Ripiey and Larue 12 0 Tiem, one load of furze-fagots P . . ° : 34 Fr ur the earriage of these four loads : ; , : ° . ‘ . : ; . 20 lum,apost . ‘ : . ; ‘ ‘ . : : 14 Item, two chains 34 Item, two staples 06 Item, four labvurers 8 £1 5 2 The natural and necessary death of Cranmer was brought about at somewhat less than half the cost. what more ineffaceable than Cardinals’ scarlet; but the loftier, the serener Jesuit snuffs the — smacks his lips, and warms his hands at the comfortable blaze. To him, what wood more | Does the Dove of Galway coo over it ? (See London St -eets.) | than the cedars of the house of SoLomon?—The wood that burned Ripuer and Latimer! What likely to catch her if it ran after her. | _ — —$—$$$_________ | j the ine links of cherity and peace ? | —The e hains that bound their charred anatomies. ls Wiseman a reader of L’ Univers 7 WHAT AN EYE DEAR. Amose the recent inventions of science is a false moveable eye, war- ranted to open ome shut, squint, stare, wink, cry, aad perform the other operations of which the human eye is capable. Unfortunately, the inventor | cannot promise that the false eye shal! see, though we are well aware that looking at matters with a false eye is |a very common practice. Ingenuity certainly goes a very great way in these days in supolying, by means of objects of art, the deficiencies of nature. We cannot enter an omnibus without being told, through the medium of a con- spicuous placard, that there is “ No more Grey Hair:” though we cannot help taking it into our head that there is, for our own locks give the white lie to the flattering announcement. It is true we have not accepted the ‘nvita- tion to xo to some ymporium, and have our poor old head placed in the dyer’s hands; for though we would do | almost anything to render ourselves lee mot in the eyes of the world, we are not yet prepared to dye for it. | Besides, we have seen specimens on lsome of our female friends, and we have a great objection to a pri-matic head of hair, which is the usual con- | sequence of an attempt to turn grey into black, or a decided carrot into a delicious chestnut. We should like to see the experi- ment tried of how far the false might be made to supersede the true, in that decided matter of form, the human body. Legs and arms may be, and are, replaced by artificial means; teeth, hair, and eyes are to be bought singly or by the set; and who knows how many people we sould find with false tongues, false hear's, and wooden heads, if we had but an opportunity of det: cting them? We must confess that in the notion of faise eyes we see something very hard to real—ise. Railway Returns. to rule the roast. Sweet the odour of Amonost the “Railway Returns” of the last week, there has been the singular omission of a most important sary as fragrant to make water-tight the aan: teaiie-tien ante of te. Hupson to railway affairs. _ Hon. There is, in Strype, a pleasant bill of} TS touching the deaths of Rip- M. P. attended, and spoke at, a rail- LEY TIMER, and Cranmer—deaths ee . P natural and necessary—that even now eng (Hymne ti ly may grateful to the contemplation of the editor of the Usivers. The items are made out with a to get from Mx. Hupsow. way meeting last week. We are afraid, Britannia Ruling the Waves at Cowes. Tue result of the contest for the Revel Yacht .-— Cup at the Cowes Regatta redounds much to our maritime glory: for the America ran The heretic mind is apt to shudder—the heretic heart to thrill—at this account of blood—of blood some-| clean away from her British compe- titors. It would be better, however, s| if we possessed a yacht that would be

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PUNCH, OR _THE LONDON CHARIVARK. —— THINGS WHICH Mi.. HOBBS IS. A” PERFECT LIBERTY | 10. PICK. © Pick all the undeserving | Lords and Ladies out of the | Pension List. To Pick the Locks of the | Prisons that confine ABD-EL- | KapDeR, Kossurs, and the poor | Hongarian exiles. ‘!o Pick as manyholes: as he pleases in | the lioly Coatof Treves, amd-al| other false — of the Romish Church, or other- | "To Pick the Locur om thedrish Under- | standing, if it has now been too much | hampered by the keys of Sv: Peter. ‘Yo Pick the Padlocks that fetter poli-| tical prisoners: te: felons and criminals at Nan'es. Yo Pick as: many of the Wards in| Chancery as ave: likely to: fall into the | a of Priests, and Mothers, and Sisters; for the enrichment of Romam Cathelie Convents and | Nunneries, lo Pick a Quarrel with Lory Jome Russew, ifsemething is net | done by Government to-check the seditiomof the Cu Lumens and CaHILLs, aud other-would-be enthusiastic martyrs-im [reland: } 'o Pick @ good opportumty—and the earlier the better—for stopping the trade of Agitation that is: pursued, im all religious and poiitical matters, in the Sister Kingdom, to its ruin and degradatiom Yo: Preke aw Capital out: of Kurope that contains as many bad sere and Publie Monuments as London. fo Piek the Jmsh ‘Thorm out of the British Lion's: Poet. And jastly—to jump from painful subjeets-to come—ta Pick aillever the world a better Peri codieal if if he can, — PUNCH! & NOBLE NOVELIST. Mn Swopens. has reason to be proud of at: least one of his noble authors.. Our friend the Post speaks of Percy Hamillom, a novel from the head of Lono Witt Leswox. [lt must be now some seven aor since Punch honoured that distinguished: writer by a peculiar notice of his merits, It would appear from the Post—for Punciis: not a cannon-bail, and cannot go through every book—that the bold Lamaox is as Original as ever. ‘ He [saith the Post] plagiarises right and left, and stows the stolen goods of other writers into his own boule wich #8 Jittlee-nscience as OLiveR Caomwer thrust the key ‘ the House of Commons into his breeches pocket, after seuding, the Barebones Parl ament about their business.” That a noble lord should stow stolen goods into his own book” is an original way of making a book “his own;” pocket-handkerchiefs may beeome personal property by the like process. However, some- thing, it appears, must be admitted; and it is this:— ‘ [t-must be admmitted, however, that he often throws a. new grace around an old story | } by lis (tee and grapbic manner of narration, and that many a gem, whose lustre had CAHILL’S. TRAVELS: A GopLr pilgrim, meek and poor, I travell’d France from end to end: I rapp’d at many a cottage door, For France was ever Erin’s friend. The farmer's cot, the noble’s hall, ‘Piecurate’s comfortable thatch, — They apse me shelter, one and all— I needed but to lift the latch. Piseiocih nd em, and ate Theefarmer’s soup, the nobie’s feast ; tee ae ty, ‘The poor and: Mod Eri And offem I’ve told tlle tale of Eis And bloody England’s gus i And pray’d acurse—as who wanldiénot ?— On them that holds the tyrantianed-- That sent the fell potato-rot, And persecutes the memof Gedb. And as I did my grief assuage, And, sobbing, told ———. we * audience wept with honest Their gentle bosemathrill’dowi Yes, lovely France is Erin’#ftiend’; And from Marseilles to Pimisterre, (I seen the land from end to end) By ali the blessed Saints- L smear, There ’s: not a man in lovely Framae> Thats Jand, so full effeliarms, Witte nitions of inhabit ants, ANY bold im war, and bred. arimer— There is from. Burdeaux to Par’, (L tell yay, fir Bseen the to There’s: neitam jionest Son of But. wants to:shoot the English down. Tiere’s not a lady, soft and mild, A speechless baby at the nurse, Or biessed priest, or + ng child, But does the bloody E ish curse. There ’s not a lovely adil or wife, Or lady there of any note, Bat she would take mangving-knife, And cut.a bloody Bixgiab throat. ‘und. this i= what [ seem aljroad, When fae away from: Dpnisfa:!, As: suneas [’m a man of God, By namethe Reveneny Doctor Cantrt. : = an by long usage, shines outwith fresh briliancy when set off by his lucul _ A QUESTION OF STALE EGGS. In the like manner that stolen jewels—many a pilfered gem—are set’ Mowrus, in these rapid times, become centuries, and therefore we at the receiver's by the free and graphic manner of the would-be may ask, a8 @ question of aretaeclogncal interest, what has become of ‘or. Happy the maa—and valuable to the tradesman in the Oobali? The Oobali were certain raons, or, to speak more bie brains—who, by his luerd: ty and ease, can turn an old story into correetly, a set of fellows, whose name is ved {rom meng rr — | a new one. By these means, the oldest Jow Mutua becomes tue @ am egg, and AdAdw to throw, by reason of their havi youngest Broz Lewwox. themseives by throwing foul eggs at people in returnin scteming ome the he Dake, arabia A Fe 2 | last Epsom races. One of thew number, it was understood, was to have | SE ee | been tried for pom nthe Ol aya has not yet | taken place. e repeat, t w beeome egg-throwers Alexander the Little. | fam, as their offence was not only filthy matself, but followed by conduct Avex. Dowas; 4/3, writes in this jaunty fashion to the Freneh of equally disgusting baseness, they ought. by this time to be all of | journals: — | them at werk pickimg Oakum. ‘ Plosieurs journaux annoncent que M. Arexawore Dowas se porte candidat s| ' Académie. Mon pére, qui na pus le temps de s occuper de ces choses-la, me charge de Vv us prier d annoneer que ce n'est pas lui ni moi nun plus quoique je termine cet} tre par une faute de [raugais, “ A vous, A.ex. Dowas, fils.” a m Tue papers stated, that during the Lomm Maron's Who has not time ”’—my i!/ustrious-father—“ to oceupy himself with Paris he had arranged to sell by auctiom many of the sue Unngs” as the French Academy. We aiways thought ALexaypeR im the Crystal Palace. We could not: believe that his pere, ALEXANDSR the Lutie; but ALexaspen file ig ALEXANDER combined business with pleasure, as to make his visit mc Very Least. |job, or that he would knoe down with the hammer of we Looe oF | the whele of his civic dignity. It so happens, moreover, Sema Mawtac’s Last.—An ordinary domestie clock having unfor-| ship has retired from the rostrum, as the ts ‘alely rua down, it was observed that uhad come to an untimely GaDspEw (late Muscnove and Gapspex)” will testify, ui! pan a A

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NDON CHARIVARL.

armed with a sting, and its habits are analogous to those of the gad-fly and the hornet. The Zpiscopus Vastator must nxt be confounded with ‘the Episcopus Pastor, or true Epi-sopss, which it resembles in nothing but external appeara’.ce. THE EPISCOPUS VASTATOR. A Lecture addressed to the National Entomological Society.

EXCITING RACE. Tue American “Liners” are, undoubtedly, very fast vessels, but we think that we know a class here able a-head of them—we mean our own newspa who are capable of lengths to which most o! tion are unequal. During the whole of ing at Cowes, our “liners” have been going the pace, and showing that their craft are undoubtedly more than a match for the craft now in the Channel: so intensely nautical have the worthy fellows become, that common comprehension is incapable of keeping up with them. We used to think that fire was the natural element of the liner, but he now shows himself equally at home in water, which, for that matter, is equally, to be sure, a devouring element. Let us hope that it won’t be necessary to interdict him from both fire and water—as the Romans were wont to do by those whom oy declared enemies to the republic. ; hat can be more ludicrous than to see the liner run- | ning a race with the sailor, and becoming more nautical | than the nautical themselves ? to have honest WiLt BLuGsBy informing us that the Screamer “ hauled her wind,” while ithe Poppet “ wore at two,” and “with gal topsail shiver- f= — \ing,” got the “ wind on her quarter?” hen we find him ANP —S }holding forth on the fact, that the Tifanzia “lost way,” a a /on a certain occasion, it only leads to the reflection, that ER Episcopus ; but is even more mischievous: for it is

4\\ i) NNN fitted. at rin ES j TD rte | : Ve : » YY YY wi, Mp) wy ; [a who has, of course, been at Cowes during the recent cruises, Vy : | has written to us, severel —— the assumption of 2 WY WR nautical airs by everybody. e makes our blood run cold y VY) nin | by informing us that an old stager, recently paid off from / ws => y~ West —, ir jenn = to ye . the UY Y : - America, was told by young Gostine (0! of Fiorr Lh Vy = |anp Gosiine) that “no square-rigged man could sil y ; | a fore-and-after !”’ ¢ ‘4 i Good News for the Nostrils. | Tue other morning, at the first General Court of Com- | missioners of Sewers held under the recent act of Parlia- ment, Ma. E. Lawes, the lately constituted chairman of the Commission, said—according to thé Times, that “He would take that opportanity of stating, that he should give his personal attendance at that office every day. “ A new broom wag a2 declares the adage. Now that Mr. Lawes has been appointed to preside over our sewers, may this proverb be exemplified in the state of the Tue, Vastator Eriscorus—orn, Toe Buicut or THe Swamaock—(may BE | eager. SEEN WITHOUT THE AID or a Microscope). Hagiol in 1851. Tue Episcopus Vastator—some specimens of which have been lately exhibited in| a. , Parliament—is a variety of the Moth tribe, and is peculiar! cones for the| It is the boast of Popish controvertists, that all the damage which it does tothe cloth. The creature may often caught sleeping on saints exclusively belong to their persuasion ; which is so the Episcopal bench. In size it sometimes exceeds the largest beadle. It often, far true that no other sect at present pretends to make any. commits great ravages on Church property, which it gets hold of, and appropriates | Rome, however, continues to do so occasionally; and the to its own purposes, by the most crafty m ment. Such is the voracity of the | political line taken by her priesthood in Ireland renders | Episcopus Vastator, that a single individual of the species will consume the fat of |!t highly probable that—as Assizes are still among the | the land to the value of £10,000, £15,000, £25,000, or even more, per annum. |t institutions of the country—the Papal Church, although it | is a lepidopterous insect ; the wings with which it flies away with its booty being' may fail to augment the army of martyrs, will soon afford | exposed. The head is defended by a whitish pi/eolwm, presenting a cleft appearance : some additions to the Calendar. the body is invested with a mantle of snowy hue: and a similar covering, but | a finer tater, ~~ the two plete stent, —_ ay in _ of great strength and tenacity: the two hinder or lower limbs are black; as also| ’ the whole body is found to be when its exterior investment has been -emoved. Its | Don't Bun Ses Sate, throat is garnished with two white bands. It is furnished with az¢enne, or fee'ers,| Tue latest intelligence from California seems to show that which it sometimes puts forth during its periodical visitations. On these ocgasions,|the golden age is by no means, the most virtuous, for | it emits a peculiar hum; whence, among the vulgar, it has obtained the name of|incendiarism, robbery, and murder are every-day occur- Hum-Bug. Another variety of the Bpsseopus Vastator is met with here, but is/rences. As the ordivary tribunals cannot keep pace with more numerous in some foreign parts. It is distinguished by the peculiar briliiancy | the extraordinary amount of crime, the inhabitants have of its colours, which vary from gold and purple to scarlet, exceeding in splendour established Lynch law; but it is a bad symptom when it is those of a shiny beetle. In Ireland it is common ; and is one of the principal causes|only by the use of a Lynch pin such as this, that the of the blight which prevails in that country. It is less voracious, perhaps, than the |common wheel is kept in regular motion.

\\ < iN} i — S . he himself is losing his way m a subject for which he 1s not ; Proressorn Aquarius Brick, the accomplished lecturer,

BIS Hey eh g? coma t r Ti The Teaver Sauuy Bu

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- rPa@ae’-’ @eeeonm: * PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. THE IRON DUKE AT THE IRON BRIDGE. Wy O—tnz Dvuxe has |, eI heen to lock at Ropert Strepuen- son’s iron triumph —the Britannia Bridge. “He re- mained,” says the reporter, “ for some time in one parti- cular spot, and ap peared wrapped up in his thoughts.” A very natural cause of meditation. The iron soldier was con- templating another sort of iron con- quest which—in the sure progress of time — will make alls iron of the| very oldest sort. The engineer will supersede the ge- neral: the stithy| take the place of| the camp, In an! old Turkish revolu- | tion, in which a) blacksmith became | J leader, his leathern apron was used as the standard: and the apron is still destined as the type | and ensign of the noblest achieve- ments. Rosert Srez- PHENSON has been ted in the ns and cannon-| * OUR PAROCHIAL PATRIOTS. ERTAINLY if ever the country should want to be saved, we suppose we must look for our patriots—if their own account of themselves is to be believed—in the vestries of the Metropolis. Judging from the estimate they form of their own importance, in a national point of view, the Cockney vestry- men are the only champions of our liberties, and we must go to Pancras for our Pyms—should we ever require one—or to for our Hamppey. ne, Rooms of Marylebone and St. Paneras aping to airs, and affecting to deal with all the busi Lords and Commons. The “debates,” as given in the columns of a Sunday contemporary, are racy specimens of British eloquence British grantmar, and the disagreements between the members them- selves are no less striking than the want of agreement between their verbs and their substantives. One of the strongest weapons that ceuld be used by a foe to the system of self-government is put into his hands by the fact, that the metropolitan rate-payers will entrust their interests to a set of gar- rulous simpletons, who meet to talk about ooeryting and, as an almost inevitable consequence, to do scarcely anything. ‘Lhe headings of the subjects discussed might be mistaken usually for the titles of the topics dealt with \—— while the bickerings of the ng dis- tinguished nothing but perhaps ’ altercations between real Members neighbourhood of | attached himself to the his triumphal bridge. It was » great and’ glorious occasiom; and met with cha- racteristic intelligence energy by the iron conqueror. Joszru Paxton was of course present, A teactsings of Gzores StePmENsoN ; teachings shown im the instructed genius of bis son Hosemt. Crystal amd iron were duly honoured : and we hope the Palace im Hyde Park may prove as enduring as the lubaiae Bridge of the Menai. “ ”—says the proverb—* will last as long as iron, if you take care of it.” BRITISH DERVISHES. A Few years ago there was produced at one of the theatres a sort of Operatic performance, with music by BeeTruoven, called Zhe Ruins of Athens, One feature in the performance was the celebration of) Mahometan service by # band of dancing dervishes, whose worship| consisted in spinning round upon their heels till they were giddy—| singing in the meanwhile a frantic chorus of Kaaba / ! From that time to this, Kaaba! Kuaba! has not been performed on the stage; but something very inke it has been repeated Per we and | continues to be, according to the subjoined statement of the Times— ‘hough this Kaaba seems taken, not trom he Ruins of Athens, but from the Kus of Kome :— “Tre Ancrersnor or Cawrenerar avy THe Hien Onveca Parry.—The Ancu- ersHor of CawteRsury hax, fr seme time part, been in communication with several cl gemen im his diocese, in reference te the manner in which they are in the habit of, onducting the ordinary se: viers of ‘be Church. It appears that the clergymen a/inded t Tertise many of the ceremonies for which the Bissor or Lowpom recently econ- mned Ma. Bexwert ; such, for examyp/e, as having lights on the altar during morning Preyer. preaching im the surplios, inv ning the prayers, and turning from the congre- ssGeu during certain portions of the service.” But our British Dervishes do things by halves; they turn only half round. Why don’t they go the whole hog, and regularly waltz, and sug Kaaba! instead of burlesqung something else, by intoning it?! tod mn spinning aud pircuett ng while they are about it, it would be al! ¢ — if \ ons reverend mounltebauks would dance themselves out Of Lhe Church, | parochial affairs, instead of hurling back the lie in each other's teeth, We have no doubt that most of them mean well enough; but labouring, as they do, under the effects of that most fearful compound, excessive ignorance mingled with excessive conceit, they become guilty of those absurdities which have the dangerous tendency of bringing self-government into and ridicule. ‘The ratepayers of the Metropolis ought really to stir themselves, and send to the vestries men who will do the business that it is really their duty to perform, and leave state matters for discussion in other places, and om other oceasions. We do not deprecate public discussion, by any means; but a body appointed to do one thing, should not always be discussing some other. The vestrymen of Marylebone and Pancras should stick to their casting defiance in the face of Lorzp Jony, and throwing down—that miserable piece of patriotie propert e “gauntlet” at everything and everybody. We should be glad to see among the curiosities at the British Museum the “gauntlet” that the metropolitan vesisymen are always taking up and throwing down again. ed A Sister of Charity. Fxetayp and Treland are called Sister Kingdoms; and England, though she has reeeived nothing but ingratitude from Ireland, has never in the hour of need forgotten that she was bound to assist her (a Sister).

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FRENCH GENTLEMAN GRATIFYING HIS HATRED From a rough Sketch, by that amiable Jack-Priest, Dr. Cahiil.) PRIESTCRAFT VERSUS LAW.” Tue “Catholic” Offenders—for so they boast themselves to be, by whatever title they may call their confederacy—defy the Government | to prosecute their prelates for infringing the Ecclesiastical Titles Bill. | Mr. Mitcuett also defied the majesty of the English law, as frantically, rancoronsly, viperously, quote, and childishly. Ma. Mrircwett | preceded the Offenders, and if the Offenders do not take care, they will perhaps follow Mx. Mitcnet. | The Offenders, of course, mean to threaten that, if Ministers should enforce the law which they have broken, they will do something | dreadful. What will they do? Fight—of course— bat with the old weapons of chicane and pettifoggery ? Then, if successful, their hierarchy will triumph—precisely as many a rogue does at the Old Bailey. 1s | it really their magnanimous intent’on to commit hizh treason? If so, | the campaign of these members of the Church Militant will, most likely, | be preliminary to a mission to a colonial district, where they may, | possibly, effect the conversion of Ma. Suita O’ Baizy—and thus Rome | will triumph. Or, is the battle to be fought in the jury-box? Will the law be | defeated by jurymen, sworn to decide according to evidence, giving | their verdict in the face of it? And so, is the day to be gained by verjury? In that case, great indeed will be the triumph of the “ Holy Yhureh.” ;

Sale of the *“‘ America” Yacht. WE are informed that the® America yacht is about to be purchased by | a distinguished bookseiling-firm in New York, for the purpose of run- ning between that city and London. This is characteristically wise of publishing Jonatuan. If you will live by robbing the brains of others, it is only the more —~— to outstrip all competitors in the earliest possession of the stolen goods. BADEN-BADEN. [ue GRAND DUKE OF BADEN is happy to announce that the Season of Baden-Baden is at present in fall De ng and that be has the greatest plea- sure in presiding every day at the head of the Table d’Héte, and taking wine with any of the wealthy strangers who may honour his never-te-be-too-much-admired | Casino with their presence. After dinner there is generally a little Gambling, when every facility is given to Foreigners, especially young Englishmen, to lose their Money. The Conversation-House hes been re-decorated in the most sumptuous style; and the muste is entrusted to the well-known taste of one of the finest Bandsin Germany. The Croupiers speak «1! the Continental Languages ; and there is vo charge for Admission to the Gambling-Kooms; on the contrary, all those who have money are heartily welcome to enter, and to play as long as they like; and the more who come, the better pleased is the Granp Duke ov Baven to see them. English Bank-notes t«ken in any

quantity; and Montebello and Mo& Champagne (lére Qualité) to be had on the premises. | N.B.—No Money returned. CHARIVARI. SERENADES FOR JOHN BULL. No. 1. Ou! rest thee, my Jounny, thy Navy’s all right ;' Thou ’rt Lord of the Ocean, entirely and ey If Yankees outsail thee, old King of the Sea, Let that matter nothing, my Joun Butt, to thee! Oh! rest thee, my Jomwwy, contented and wise; Believe thon ’rt unrivall’d for bold enterprise ; And don’t think that Jowaruan flogg’d Ris Papa, When he steam’d it before him across Panama. Oh! rest thee, my Jonswy; the time will ne’er come When thou it wake up, and find thy position is rum. Ob! rest thee, Jonw But, my boy, sleep while you may ; Sloth leads not to sorrow, as night s to day.’

No. 2. Lallaby, Jom~wy, upon the tree-top ; When thy ships fail, thy Navy will drop;’ When thy fleets yield, thy glory will fall And down comes Jonny, and Commerce and all! Military Intelligence. It may not be generally known that Loap Arunpet, only or |* short time back, was in the 2od Life Guards; but, after the notable achievement at Limerick, where his dship flung his whole soul upon the railway platform to kiss a Bishop's toe, Loxp ARUNDEL imenadiion we Guards, and joined the Foot. y retired from the 2ad_ Life

GOING BEFORE THE WIND. Ma. G. F. Youne has been lamenting very bitterly over what he alleges to be a falling- off, through Free Trade, in the amount of our ship-tuilding. Weare always ha to be able ‘o eau the afflicted, and we + therefore beg to re- mind Mr. G. F. Youre of one ship which he has quite overlooked, ¥ — *\ 4 2 LT ball aN

OLD ENGLISH BULL-BEEF. A GeyTLemas, named Greennow, an advocate of Protection, writing to the Times, says, in reference to the Legislature, “They have laid aside every true and independent Englich feeling, and have pa>- dered to the selfish and grasping spirit of a very small minority.” Of the same body, in the same paragraph of the same letter, the same gentleman complains, that “They have, by the vague, visionary, and captivating theory of ‘free trade, enchanted the onthinking part of our community (anfermunately much the larger ortion), who, carried away by the irresistible influence of this spell, have heedlessly a in the cry to destrey everything Bcitish, in order to advance and elevate the What with pandering to the spirit of “avery smal! minority,” and also enchanting “ much the larger portion of the community,” the Legislature must have gone a very considerable way towards pleasing everybody. If Ma. Greennow were a Papist, and would hold forth at the Rotunda, he might outshine Messrs. Rerwotps, Keooa, Moors, and Company, on their own ground. But with all due deference to the Protectionists, the necessity for importing foreign cattle is, in no measure, disproved by the exhibition, however large, of this splendid variety of the British Bull.

Printed by William Bradbury. of No 1. Upper Wobure Place in the Parish of St. Pancras avd Prederick M Office te Lombard Street, a in tee Preeanet of Whitetriars, tm the City of Londos and published by them ullett Evans, of No. 7, Charech Row,.Stoke

lewington, both in the County of Middlesex, Printers, st th? Ne. &, FiaebStreet in the Parish of St. Bride’s ,im the C:ty of Londoa.—Sarcapar September sta isl

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 115 THE FIGHT FOR CUBAN FREEDOM. UST now American views of Cuban affairs are very contra- dictory. According to recent Transatlantic news at a “ mass meeting” of 18,000 persons held at New York, to sympa- thise with the Cuban invaders, it was resolved, amid tremen- dous enthusiasm, “ That in the opinion of this meet- ing it is consistent with the peace, neutra'ity, and honour of our Govern- merit for the people to assemble to- gether, and express their sentiments and feelings of a free people, but is more particularly honourable to the character of a nation who were the first to declare and establish the prin- , ciples of freedom. P Also, “ That our Cuban brethren . . of the liberty which our example has taught them to long for.” Likewise, made by the downtrodden inhabitants of Cuba for aid and assistance in the are worthy of being responded to by the American people.” 3 , _ _Now, “Ma. Asuper Surra, of Texas,” in a letter to the Zimes concerning the movement in Cuba, thus writeth :— “The main cause of the Cuban movement is the uncertainty of their property, and the insecurity of their social and political condition, and even of their lives, arising from the mischievous intermeddling of British abolitionists with Taw SLAVE INeTITUTIONS oF CuBA.” And thus :— “ It is a conviction of the truth of this charge of intermeddling that has roused the sympathy and enlisted the co-operation of numerous American citizens.” So the “ mass meeting” at New York sympathises with the Cuban revolutionists because they assert “the principles of freedom,” because they have proved themselves not unworthy of “ liberty,” and because they were “ downtrodden,” and engaged in a “holy cause”—the cause of that same liberty. Not a bit of it, says—or seems to say—Asnpet Suitn, of Texas. The Cuban movement, and the sympathy of American citizens therewith, has been occasioned by the attempts of certain officions Britishers to procure, in Cuba, the abolition of s/avery. Further declareth doughty AsuBeL Situ, on behalf of his compatriots :— “Nor will we suffer the institutions of Cuba to be destroyed by secret fraud or by open violence. The attempt to do so by the first means is the true cause and origin of the present convulsion in Cuba.” He has already explained that the institutions he means are slave institutions, and these he declares his countrymen will defend; whilst sympathising as well as himself with the Cuban insurgents, they profess to be actuated by a zeal for freedom. ' Can the lege intermixture of Irish with Yankee blood, which has been occasioned by emigration lately, at all account for this confusion of American ideas ? _ One fact seems certain. The “sympathy ” of the Americans is most eloquently repudiated ~ bags among the inhabitants of Cuba who are most interested in the “holy cause” of liberty. Four hundred and fifty gentlemen, zealous for Cuban freedom—the model freedom of American citizenship—headed by Gewenat Lopez, and CoLonweis Pracay and Cieny- DINNIN, landed near Cabanos, had a battle with the Spanish troops, were beaten, and some fifty of them captured. Having gone to war on their own account, unsanc'ioned by their Government, from no motive intelligible to their captors, but the desire of pay or yt ew the prisoners were—not unnaturally, though rather severe!y —treated as brigands taken red- handed, and forthwith shot. And then—but let the New York Herald conclude the tale : “ After shot dragged by the feet b os, wh need stripping them of their clothes, whieh any conta poy armen — on anos yelling like s 80 samy oft Gonena?” — Very horrid this; barbarous; disgusting; revolting. The atrocity, however, on the part of the negroes, clearly shows that the Cuban slaves have rather a strong detes{ation than any love of the propagandists of Yankee freedom. Strange—is it not?—that they should evinee such savage, furious hostility to the “ holy cause.” A Beal Nut to Crack. | Ma. Dowur has, in order to en ingenuity, resolved on offering a very handsome | reward to any one who will pick his et so eff: ctuaily as to get anything out of it. The learned slemen states, fairly enough, that he has tried the experiment frequently on his | own et, and has never yet succeeded; but, that if any one else should prove more | fortunate, he will be most happy to share the produce with the lucky individual. The profes- upon the subject of Cuban independ- | ence; that such an expression not) only comports with the magnanimity | -| take to do as much for have proved themselves not unworthy | | will promise to pay him the £500—or the A CHALLENGE TO MR. HOBBS. S = gy | be per “WILL you ind enoagh to t _my challenge to Mz. Hosas ?— - “I him to open s lock—for £500 | a side—or a box of cigars—or a dinner | for a dozen—or anything he pleases, t isn’t the money | want, but merely the principle of the a en i Rn. Hopes vi Braman’s Lock with twent tumblers “This was done im the day-time, Can he do as much at night ? old Punch, but I “I don’t wish to boast, mean to say that I have been in the habit, for the last three Ping going from the Coal Hole, or Cider Cellars, of opening a lock— a patent Cuuss—with at least 25 Tumblers !— Tumblers of Gin-and-Water !—hot!! mind you —and this I have done, not with a set of instru- ments, but with a simple latch-key! and | am | proud to say, my hand has never failed me once ! “* Now, my dear Boy, if Ma. Honus will under- consecutive years, lor the box of cigars—or the dinner for a dozen ait the anything he pleases—in the event of sional pickpockets have, it is understood, long ago abandoned the hopeless task, so that amateurs have now a fair opportunity. his being the winner, which | doubt very strongly ; eq “That the appeals so frequently | for very few men, | flatter myself, are the task of opening a lcck with five-and-twenty holy cause in which they are engaged | tumblers of hot gin-and-water ! “This is a fair challenge. In proof of which I have the pleasure of subscribing myself, to the extent of three-pence every week, “ Your constant admirer, “ Fevix Fastrzor, D.D. “Tand my money—or my dinner—or my cigars —as the case may be—are tobe heanhel of exp time, between the Loumel 4 and 12, at the Albion and afterwards, first at the Cider Cellars, and then at the Coal Hole.” An Old FPogey’s Grumble. Most things that are to be bought are obtain- able by young men upon credit, excepting Expe- rience, which, as a yo man buys it, he must pay ready money for it. This may be one reason, perhaps, why the young men of the present day show themselves possessed of such very little experience! ‘They spend their money in other things, and refuse to buy the only thing worth paying for. But only let a shop be opened to-morrow, where Experience could be had upon credit, and the doors would be blocked up by the crowds of young men rushing to buy it! The Congress at Verona. WE take the following from the Daily News:— “ The imperial, royal, and ducal gaolers of Italy are about to be gathered together at Verona, to consult and to confer.” Verona has a poetical mausoleum. The “ gaolers” having, as they believe, given a sleeping draught to Italian liberty, would bury it alive in the tomb of the Carutets, DON’T HANG OUT YOUR BANNERS, A Geytiemax, who, from his position in | society, ought to have known better, has just insulted us by asking whether the Stancard of | Natural Sherry was destroyed among the flags recently burnt in the Invalides, A Difficult Question. Her Masesty, the Queew or Narizs—(so writes the cv of the Daily News)— “ considers political offenders should suffer death, instead of being tortured in idols.” Given, the Queen ov Navies and the Kise. Which is the better half of the other? , VOL. XXI.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARTV ARI.

THE PAPAL TIE, QUITE THE FASHION IN NAPLES ‘P A - Sy

Tue Pore and Krve Bomsa are linked together by a tie of the closest amity. How would Prvs like Bomsa if their mutual bond consisted of | the iron fetters which link together the political victims of that amiable | monarch in their dupgeons, and which are never loosened, day or night, on any account whatever ? THE HOLYWELL STREET CRUSADE. | Te spasmodic morality of a parish is pleasant to consider. How long will a St. Molly-le-Strand, or St. Bacon-cum-Beans nod, absolutely snore, over the most fetid, crying nuisance, as though the aforesaid St. Molly or St. Bacon slept on roses, iulled by by silver brooks. Here has Holywell Street been a long- lived abomination; sinners there have grown grey in their nastiness; nevertheless, the filth has been respected by the authorities as though it were a vested interest, and moral atrocity an allowed marketable commodity. In Holywell Street Infamy took up its freedom, and was a protected citizen. And now, housewives taken with an annual fit o cleanliness, and resolved to whitewash the house from top to bottom, are not more energetic in their niceness, than are the parish authorities with Holywell Street, | suddenly discovered and denoaneed! The housewife takes her bed- | stead to bits, and sulphurs it, and soaks it, and kills the very larve of the noisome abominations. In like manner Parish Authority now resolves to take to bits the infested Holywell Street. Well, there may be bedsteads that fire alone can purify; and there may be some streets that—that—well, there may be some streets that may be very like some bedsteads., One Good Turn Deserves Another. Tue America is said to have won the race at Cowes, thanks to her | “superior rigging.” Now, as America was finely rigged by England for being so lar behind every other race at the Great Exhibition, so England must not feel angry, after having been fairly beaten in a naval a. if she ie made to feel m her turn the smartness of America’s gg. RUN FOR THE DOCTOR. Tere has been so much said and written on the Lock question, that a medical student of our acquaintance calls the controversy a great case of Lock jaw.

Tse British fleet have arrived off Pulermo. The Queen “ saluted the Neapolitan flag.” Neapolitan thas ! ought the atrocious bit of bunting to be “ a its rightful salutation ?

THE SONG OF THE SHOE-BLACK. I was born—I was bred—in the midst of the dirt, With mothing for stockings, and rags for a shirt. I’d newer a father, and as for my mother, She never was sober from one day to t’ other. My “lallaby baby” was swearing and din; My earliest sweet-meat a mouthful of gin, Direetly 1’m able to move on my feet, To pick up a living, I’m tarn’d on the street. I’m bumgry, and often in want of a meal; So, of course, I must work, or beg, borrow, or steai.. But work there dns ny — “employ. A shoeless and parent. I meet with companions,—there ’s a Bos Good-naturedly offers to give me a job. Says he—* There ’s the pawnbroker’s, over the way; Take the coat from outside—there ’l] be nothing to pay.” I do as he bids me; he tells me, with joy, He’s glad to have hand such a promising boy. And as without money I buy things so w He thinks I shall make a good hand at a So he takes me at once to a kind-hearted = With a beard rather black, and a nose very Who gives me a shilling, and calls me “ good And asks if there ain’t any more to be had. The game I continue,—with this thing and that; To-day it’s some boots, and to-morrow a hat : Though less | keep getting for each thing that goes To the gent with the beard and the bend in the nose. The game it goes on, every day after a But more gets the trouble, ol less gets That it comes, very soon, as a pleasant To be sent for three months as a juvenile thief. When turn’d out of prison—the season is cold— Of a School for the Ragged I somehow get told. I think that 1’li go there ;—if nothing | gain, At least I’m kept out of the wind the raim. At first when I go there I’m ready to laugh ; I turn off the gas, and the teachers I c But as nothing their temper appears to provoke, I very soon find there’s an end to the joke, The lessons they teach me, I try and repeat, But my want, as I tell them, is something to eat. They ask if L’ll work ; | answer—‘“ Of course ; If 1’m fed like a Christian, [’ll work like a horse.” So they give me a box, and of brushes a set, And a bottle of Warren's superior jet, And start me in | fe in the polishing trade, } By which, ever since, a good living I *ve made. And often my memory earries me back, Comparing myself to the shoe that I black ; I think how the dirt might ~ stuck to me still, For want of a little hard work and good will. So, honour to those who are on the alert To raise up poor fellows like us from the dirt, And cause all the rubbings through which we have past To end, like this boot, in a polish at last. There is nothing so black, but, if pams we bestow, With something like sunshive will speedily glow ; And, though deep in the mud, if exertion Ane use, We may walk, very soon, in respectable shoes. The Neapolitan Flag. This, of course, is mere routine courtesy. As the pestilent rag at present taints the air, The ciank of chains, and the yell of <t¢ hangman. A Tsovenr.—Imitation is the homage which Mediocrity pays #0 | Superiority.

But the What would be

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL . il7 THE POPE ALL SMOKE. HERE there is smoke, there must be fire.” So runs the proverb; and the Porz— it would seem—inelines an ear to proverbial philo- sophy. No smoke—no fire. The Romans have ceased | to smoke ; ergo, religion has | died in their hearts: the} true faith is spat from their mouths with the last end of the last cigar. Bat awhile | since, the Roman could not away without | tobacco : in its leaf was Ais whole catholic that the weed was a precious burnt | offermg to the exehequer of his Holi- | ness, the Roman flung it benee, patrioti- cally setung Ot teeth against renewed temptation. Quenched, extinet is state tobacco :-— “The breath of heav'n has Hlown its spirit ont, And spewed repentant ashes on its head.” A serious meaning—even to a solemn Pore—ties in that ineh of charred to- bacco, the waif of a Roman hi : ‘ailtbility, like a Paris: rageyi | be leawes of the Sibyl. Even in such small rejected fronds is written revolution. : | Let the Porm have due credit for his sagacity—his foresight. Unsmoked tobarco is not | lost upon him, The Vatican is in dismay; for men breathe no tobaceo clouds. ‘The cry is | not, “the saered chickens will not eat,” but deeper, louder the wail, for—“the Romans will | not smoke”” Now, cerfes, without smoke, there can be no fire ; and least of all, without such | smoke, that en fire that—stolen, or taxed, or both—informs and animates the heart and | bran of the an government, | Sadiy, indeed—as we gather from Rome—does the Pore take this obstinate temperance of | his once brave “tobaceo-boys.” Had we'the heart to dally with the state distresses of an| | Infallible, we might picture the Pope aloft in his chamber, taking a vain sniff of Romana | atmosphere ; in that sniff faintly hoping a pleasure of hope. “ — and his broad nostrils wide upturn'd; Seented the ‘ Koman’ air.” No: not a leaf is burned in the street to the profit of his Holiness: quenched, and cold is | the altar of his Exchequer. And now the Pors cannot see his way for want of smoke. Nevertheless, something must be done. ‘Lobacco, being a government commcdity, is sacred | to state purposes. | Assuredly—says the good Porz—we have discovered that the people are the breath of our | nostrils; for we only live while the people smoke. Not to smoke is, therefore, to conspire | against our vitality. In the time of witchcraft—a time all but brought back by the accursed | republicans—men were consumed in their living flesh, as their small waxen effigies melted before the fire. With different means, sinners would, in our person, compass the like atrocity. Our state is tobaeco! our chair tobacco! J, your father, am tobacco—lI, the Pope, And you} will spit us from your mouths! No, my children: rather you will worship us, as in the good | old time—worship us with fiscal incense, and in treasury clouds. pet , But the Porpe—a wiser man since his travels—reso!ves to work upon nicotian backsliders by | the force of example. He makes smoke a test of right of office. He who eats the loaves | and fishes of the Vatican sball no longer eat unless he smoke. Nay, he shall smoke abun- dantly; putting all his heart, as well as all his Jungs, in smoke. This is soberly true. The | order has gone forth. All who heretofore smoked, are now to smoke with greater zeal; and they who never smoked before, are to give their qualms to the winds, and are immediately to | learn to live in clouds. Who knows? The English Cabinet may, in some future day of trouble, take counsel of | this last doing of the Porz. Last week only, the Queen, through her minister, acknowledged the receipt of the address voted by certain Temperance societies; all passively opposing the revenne. In some time of trouble—may it be cycles distant !—the great body of the people, for a political purpose, may renounce wine and spirits, as the Romans now close their lips against tobacco. ‘I'hen may the ruler of these realms remember the wisdom of Samvt Pivs— | (for he will no doubt be canonised by then)—and compel ai! ministers, and clerks, and all the | army and the navy to drink double of all strong drinks. The behest may bear hardly upon | the officials of that time; and may they be spared the trial! Nevertheless, Pius tux Nivru | Makes the experiment historically practicable. | To be sure, the Pore has at his hand thousands of men abie, and no doubt willing, to| become tobacco-teachers; we mean the meek, unclouded priesthood. Pretty, to contemplate | the Roman youth, conning its first tobacco-leaf under the monk-master. To teach the young | | idea how to smoke! And as the priests of Naples have published a new Political Catechism, | | the purpose of which is to deify a King of Bomb-Shells—why may not the Roman youth be exercised with a Dialogue om Tobaceo, for the giory and profit of a Porzg of Smoke? Some- thing after this fashion : es Q. What is tobacco ? 4. Tobacco is a leaf from the only lawful Tree of Knowledge. Q. For — owt was tobacco created ? 4, It was created to be to the honour and glory and profit of the being to his Holiness what myrrh and frankincense were to SoLomon. ae How do you best honour your Father, the ope } 4. By thinking him tobaeco—still tobaeco— and always tobacco. @. And how do you show yourself a trne son of his Lge 2 A. By continually putting his Holiness (which is tobacco) in my mA. and amoki — iis is but a samp Nevertheless, there can present moment, tobaceo being his i great difficulty, he is taking strong 3 conquer it. All his friends must smoke. Pipes for the Roman Government, The Porz’s true circle is the spittoon. THE LAST APPENDIX TO “YANKEE DOODLE.” , Yaraez Doopus sent to Town His goods for exhibition ; And laugh’a at his posttion : They thought him ail the world behind ; y A muff, or noodle ; Laugh on, ood Chorus.—Y amg Doopie, &c. Varker ra had a craft, A rather tidy chpper, And he challenged, while they laughed, The Britishers to whip her. Their whole yacht-squadron she outsped, And that on their own water ; Of all the lot she went a-head, And they came nowhere arter, Chorus,—Yankex Doonie, &e. O’er Panama there was a scheme Long talk’d of, to pursue a Short route—which many thought a dream— By Lake Nicaragua. Jony Buxt discussei the plan on foot, With slow irresoiution, While Yanxer Doone went and pnt It into execution. Chorus.—Yanker Doovie, &c. A steamer of the Corrs line, A Yanxeer Doopte’s notion, Has also quickest cut the brine Across the Atlantic Ocean. And British agents, noways slow Her merits to discover, Have been and bought her—just to tow The Conanrp packets over. Chorus. —Yaxkee Doonte, &c. Your gunsmiths of their skill may crack, But that again don’t mention ; [ guess that Cots’ revolvers whack Their very first invention. By Yankee Doopts, too, you’re beat Downright in Agriculture, Wirh his machine for reaping wheat, Chaw’d up as by a vulture. Chorus, —Yaxkex Doon, &e. You also fancied, in your pride, Which truly is tarnation, Them British loeks of yourn defied The rogues of all creation ; But Cuvess’ and Baawan’s Hopes has pick’d, And you must now be view'd ail As having been completely licked By glorious YasKkex Doopia. Chorus —Yas%xe Doop.s, &o.

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| Bever seen a more complete beating since the day when on boa PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI UL; a = z= Vv = h — § SLL LLLLLELL LESckLL LI PELE | | NI MR. BRIGGS IS OFF WH \ oars cies i = 2 9 LL hdhebedialtdadd Oe wow f y, HNN) ™), SS ») WH | AGAIN SHOOTING. { ' THINGS LEFT BEHIND IN THE EXHIBITION. | Tue list of things left behind in the Exhibition would really make a | very curious little exhibition of themselves, and we would, therefore, propose that the police may be permitted to open, for their own b -nefit, this extraordinary cabinet of curiosities. The ladies, in particular, have shown a singular amount of forgetfulness ; one, in her absence of mind, having left her petticoat in the building; and another, having gone, | not leaving her bustle behind her in its usual place, but having actually allowed it to remain in the Crystal Palace. Poco victorines, cuffs, and children, have been picked up in large numbers by the police ; and, indeed, there have been so many boys and girls found in the building, that there is some reason to doubt whether the Crystal Palace has not been selected as a convenient spot for child-dropping. It was perhaps considered that the infants thus abandoned would become, as it were, wards of the Commissioners, and get supported out of the surplus. Two ladies left their pockets ; and the police also found a spirit-fiask, which, of course, belonged to one of them. ‘Those who are curious as to female carelessness may, at any time, pick up a great deal off the floor of the Ex hibition. WHY DID THE “AMERICA” BEAT US? As numbers of our contemporaries have given accounts, more or leas | scientific, of the build of the America yacht, and the causes of her| superiority to our own vessels, we have the pleasure of laying before our nautical readers the following letter of Cartars Netson CoLtine- woop Sarvt Vincent Situ, of the Royal Navy, with whose reputa- tion for gallantry, as well as for science, every person is acquainted :— “My pear ApMrraL, Sheerness, September 6, 1351. “That the Yankee has beaten us is perfectly clear. ape t old Borysthenes we took the Maraveai, 74, in Tapioca Bay. Neither of us, nor any of the survivors, are likely to forget ¢éat day. The next | best thing to pe we have done on this occasion —we have taken our thrashing with perfect -humour. No men were ever oe who bore so little malice as Cowes gentlemen. a | “But I suppose they don’t intend to be thrashed again. Sameness ro as they say.—Let us see how to prevent this sameness for the alure. “I have gone over every inch of the America from athwart her hause to the utmost shiver of her timbers. You have but to compare her gannets and trunnions with those in use by our shipbuilders, and to see what an immense advantage in a 6-knot breeze, at N.S. by S., she must have. Her clewlines are 28 feet by 11, while ours are of the ordinary register of 13 to the dozen. Any schooner so rigged (let alone cutters) must clear the water-line with her log, and so get an advantage of a common buffer-rigged boat, whatever may be the pressure of her scuppers. The old Catawampus was so coustructed; it was notorious in every dockyard in the Queen’s dominions, that this build was the only one possible in a trade-wind ; and of course, in consequence, it was thrown out by the Admiralty. {It wouldn’t suit the patronage of my Lords to build vessels like the Catawampus. “Look at our halyards, and then go and look at the America’s spanker-boom! Our gaffs are brass: whilst, hers are india-rubber. Every inch of canvas in her cuddy is as taut as a deal-table: to reef the commonest caboose in an English yacht takes 79 seconds, whilst her parabola is never calculated under an hour. “How could we expect, under such circumstances, that the issue should have been otherwise than as it turned out ? “ Always, my dear Admiral, truly “Netson CoLLiInewoop bd +} ant Vinceyt Smiru.” Annexation. Tae American “ Liberators,” who have failed in Cuba, are most respectfully and earnestly requested to annex an island lying off the American coast, called Ireland. A LINE POR A YOUNG LADY’s COPY-BOOK. Jhe Wife's Pleasure is too oftew the Husband's Ruis. Tue Worxs or Sap (with Iilustrations..—See the Bathing at Ramsgate ! «lI LXUN WOAOA-ALNAANS ‘AUVHS MOOT LNOdG “yoo UDI AK | P ‘SSTND Ip» NNHOSL UNLSVW i ay ‘3 NOA NOA MOHS TKI OL MOH aMVW Vv

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10st pitt. «li LXUN WAOA-ALNAAAS V SNYVW OL MOH NOAA MOHS TKI ‘ANVHS MOOT LNOG NOA Al { MUDIMIAM Vr “ymo, ‘SSHNYD I» ‘ANNHOSL UTLISVA WOH LAO MOO'l i STTVQOOS Tz Ree: | Wi ) 1 (ii i , I Wa i ‘ " . ; ) i - wo Rg plore a — + same onamaaneninerte amon s

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N SEER ESE

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WHO’LL BUY OUR INDULGENCES? uncH intends to ~~ a shop for the Sale of Indulgences. It is a good profitable busi- ness, and we do not see why the Porz /\ should have the monopoly of it. The pro- | ceeds of the sale we intend, of course, to devote to some good purpose. It will be the purchase of a handsome estate —or — we may build a yacht with it, for purpose of beating the America. How- ever, there will be no difficulty in spending 3 first consideration is to get it, when once we have got it, we will pledge our words of honour that every farthing of it shall be t. For fear of any misunderstanding, however, we beg most age = LH that = very +~ r to which the money is likely to applied, will be—a Cathedral ! . This is the plan of Sale, which, after mature consideration, we have determined upon, as the one most conducive to our benefit. For every husband who takes his wife to the sea-side, or abroad, we will grant an Indulgence of domestic peace for the period he is absent ion ieee during his wife’s pleasure. + during the Session, we will award an grouse-shooting as soon as the Session is over. To every Lawyer who is honest, and to every Barrister who pleads for the love of truth and not the love of money, we will grant an Indulgence of a trip on the Continent during the Long Vacation. To every Cabman, who does not charge a Foreigner more than twice his fare, we will award an Indu of fourpence in every shilling. To every lazy Seboolboy, who is born with a talent for gettin: into misehief, we will grant an Indulgence of at least six weeks a of i that is to say, providing his holidays continue as long. To every old maid, who abstains from scandal at a tea-party, we will present the Indulgence of the strongest cup of tea. To every gentleman, who gives himself the trouble of exposing the impositions of cabmen and omnibus conductors, we will promise the Indulgence of finding a policeman on all the occasions he will be in want of one. To every lady who buys a copy of Pusch on crossing the Channel, we will graciously award, as a special Indulgence, our most fervent hopes that she may not be visited with sea-si , or detained more than two hours at any English Custom-house. The above Indulgences will be sold at the most moderate rate, at No. 85, Fleet Street. The sale, we expect, will be something enormous; and the proceeds we intend to devote, as we have honestly said, entirely | to our own benefit. If the English people are foolish enough to bay ai Indulgences—and when a humbug is started, we think the English people are foolish enough for anything—we do not see why we should, not reap the advantage of it as well as the Porz, or Canpiwat Wisz- MAN, or Mz. Pucis, or any one else. So, with all our lungs, we cry, “Who ’ll buy—buy—buy—our fine Indulgences ?” PEACE FOR IRELAND. For the quadrature of the circle—pardon! We mean for the paci- fication of Ireland, a correspondent has sent us a very good suggestion. The Irish, he says, are continually abusing and opposing the Govern- ment under which they live, and as constantly extolling that of the Pore or Rome, and yearning for subjection to the papal despotism. The Romans, on the other hand, he observes, are equally hostile to the dominion of their Pontiff, and as anxiously desirous of a consti- tutional government. These undutiful children of the “ Holy Father,” turned their poor Papa out of doors the other day, and would repeat the deed, were it im their power. Just so would the sons of Erin, if they could, expel their Sassenach tyrants and oppressors. e therefore that—with the consent of the respective Parties, which would be a matter of course—Her Masesty should| scheme her Irish lieges with the Porg, for the temporal subjects of oliness. This proposal looks feasible. In addition to the pleasure of Wearing the “sweet yoke of Rome ”—Inquisition and all—and of seeing others who hate it obliged to wear it too—there would be that of To every Minister and Member of Parliament, who has worked hard | Indulgence of OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 121 The Porz would gain vassals who would rejoice in kissing his shoes. What arrangement could be more convenient for QuzEN, Porz, Pappy, and the Roman people ? | But, recollect, there is a large powtinnaa larger than is com- | monly supposed—of Irishmen, who are no Papists ; and the noise that _is made by the Pore’s brass band is no criterion of the numbers of the | enemy’s troops. Moreover, it is a questidn, whether, if we wished to subvert the pal power in Ireland, the Pree plan would not be to establish | Popery there; and whether, if Irishmen became the lawful subjects of | the Porg, their most violent Papists would not all turn Protestants, A NEW MINE FOR THE PENNY-A-LINERS. Tae penny-a-liners have long ago exhausted the monstrosities of \ the berry, the precoeities of the and the other freaks in |which Nature has sometimes indulged for the purpose, apparently, of supplying the newspapers with paragraphs. Starvation seemed staring them in the face, when an ingenious member of the fraternity has happily hit upon an idea, of which the following extract furnishes an illustration : “ Coronet —— of ——, now im his 86th year, on Tuesday week was out with his {gun and dog, and after five hours returned home to dimner, with seven and a half brace of grouse in his game-bag, all shot by himself.” Here is sixpenn’orth for the penny-aliner from an entirely new source ; and we have no doubt we shall have a large crop of venerable or late colonels to supply the deficiency in the harvest of early peas or }monster gooseberries. The public may expect the above specimen to be followed by a glut of admirals of 106, having been on their legs for 27 hours at a stretch, and having bagged their hundred head of game, without having hoisted a signal of distress of any kind. 8T. LOUIS AND LOUIS NAPOLEON AT ROME. IvD Pops Prous has paid an oblique compliment to Louis Napotgow, the President, through Louis THE Tweurrs, the Saint; whose (7% da, was on the 25th ult. The saint’s festival was held with due pomp in the Sacred College, the French Am- bassador attending. We furtherlearn that “a detachment of the 2lst Regiment of French Light Infantry with ile band, oceupied the nave the Church.” In the afternoon, the Pore offered prayers in the chapel of the holy monarch ! There is a significant delicacy in the whole arrangement of the festival, highly creditable to the Porz, and— a5 it cannot be otherwise—very flattering to the President, whose saint’s day is marked with such especial favour. Very beautiful, too, the thought | that summoned “ a detachment of the 21st Regiment of French Infantry” to take part in the ceremony. They no doubt attended as repre- sentatives of the whole French army; and took—on the part of their | brotherhood in arms —an acknowledgment of that debt due to them |by the Pores, lifted back into his chair (at the best, by the way, an uncomfortable hoist,) at the point of Gallic bayonets. Delight/ul is thankfulness in high places. A fourth crown is gratitude to a Pope! Thus, his Holiness mixed thanksgiving incense with French gun- powder; and —the band being present—with the ise of French sanctity, did not forget French kettle-drams. It would be difficult to show to a pure imagination, a more delightful, more touching, more earnest picture than that of the aforesaid detachment of the 2lst French Infantry; upon whom, no doubt of it, Sarwr Louis, on the 25th ult., was looking mistily down through seven centuries. We earnestly trust that Louis the President, all the circumstances considered, will take as peculiarly complimentary to himself, the attention | nominally paid to Lovis the Saint. | Prererwert mr tHe Cavrcn.— We hear that the Revenewp Dexwis CamiLt is appointed Loup Bisnor or Butiscscats.—From the Pope's Eye. yrig An the warmth of sunny Italy; which, to a considerable portion] Wuar xusp or Tasies po Vecetanians KExr?—Vege-tables. » ibernian ion, wou'd be the greatest in life. Said sunny | Htaly is much too hot to hold the Romans, for whose constitution the air | of Ireland would be considerably more suitable. The Queen would | | Squire subjects who would be too happy to enjoy free institutions. | ——es Tue Most Uwrreasanst Vistt or ALt.—Being visited with sea sickness !!! o

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL FIRST INTRODUCED INTO ENGLAND, SEPTEMBER 2nd, 1666. PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES.—No. 5. TEA A CASE OF INGRATITUDE. A person, by the name of Jounw Henny Newsoy, was brought up before Ma. ALpenmaw Moses, in Worship Street, charged by an old | lady with obstruction of her trade, and indecent and riotous behaviour. | the complainant, whose name is Mas. Cuurcu, by trade a robe- | maker and haberdasher, is an old lady of great wealth and respectability, and bas ashop in Westminster, and another large shop in St. Paul’s, besides branch establishments in various parts of the country. Jouy Hewnay had been in her service, and much trusted by her; till about four years ago he left her business, and joined an opposition establish- ment, kept by one Mus. Hitts, who has brought over a great number of | foreign workmen, and has set up an establishment for the sale of the Babylonian Shirt, the Scarlet Chemise, the patent Haircloth Dicke (which Newsor himself wears), the new thrashing-machine (for English | use) at the sign of the Winking Doil, in St. Mary Axe, with a great number of branch houses in the country. " Mas. Cuvacu came in such tribulation to the magistrate, that her statements regarding Newsox were o quite incoherent. She said she had brought him up quite as a son of her own; bad employed him as a foreman in the robe-making busi and set him up at Oxford, | (where the celebrated Oxford choker had been of his invention ;) that | thousands of her shirts and chokers had been sold t the young | gentlemen of the University, and were worn in many of the genteelest | pulpits in London, until a decree from the Ordinary against preaching | in shirts put an end to that practice—and reverend gent!emen now only wore black robes. ‘ Rony worthy Alderman asked whether Mrs. Cavaca did not make these too ? She said she did, and that she was robe-maker according to Act of Parliament, and that her dresses were of the real original silk and cut, and that none were genuine but hers ;—on which Newsoy cried out, O venite! questo e¢ un poco troppo forte—in the midst of a guffaw from his friends, who were all silenced by the Court. “And,” continued Mas. Cavacn, with much volubility—“and if something is not done, the robe-making trade of Britain is ruined— there are millions say there is no use in wearing robes at all; there’s even Docron Lamsstu that dares to say that your common cheap Geneva stuffs is as good as ours; and that there ain’t two doctors in the whole College as won't say as much—and there’s this horrid old MotueR Hits has come over with Aer traps, and brings in pink shirts, and blue shirts, and yellow shirts, and shirts embroidered with flowers.” And finally Mas. Caurca d from the worthy magistrate for protection and for justice against Ne wsoy. Hibernian ments. ; One of the Newsor party here bellowed out in a st le persecu- accent—“ Be dad, that ’s not thrue—there ’s a most intawle the oppressor is at the troat of poor old suffering Oireland, which indig- |nantlee hurruled back the double-dyed malediction in the fiendish teet | of the toirant’”’—but the others begged Fatuer MuLtican to be quiet. Mas. Cuvuncn. instead of an English Snirt, with lawn sleeves, or not, how can | prevent him?” “ But,” said Mas. Caurcy calling me bad names, and making fun of me.’ “ What is this Newnor?” asked the Magistrate, said, ; : “ My name is not Nezwsor.” Sir. 1L’ve seen you, myself, in Oxford—Jonw Henny Newsoyr.” “My name is Giovawyt Enrico Nuovo Fancivtio,” said the other, meekly, and persisted in speaking all the time in Italian. “I went by a name before, but | had no name. I was called Bachelor of Divinity : but [ was neither Jonn Henny: nor was I a divine, nor was [a bachelor: that is, I was a bachelor being a man, but not a bachelor, being a divine, nor a divine being a bachelor: I could not form a part of a whole which has no existence: and there being no whole, there is no part. I could not be before I was born, or have a name before it was given me. Having most undeniably had no name, [ have a right to assume that I was not. A gross material evidence, as of my person, as of my bodily recollections, as of my having had a fever, and taken physic, as of my bills _ and docketted, &c., might lead me to infer that I formerly was; but an undeniable | conclusion shows me I was not. A man has a name; I had no name: therefore I was not born. I have a name, therefore I am. Call me Giovani Ennico Nuovo Fancrvu.1, Dottore.” “ Where do you live, Dottore?” ALDERMAN Moses said he could not see as yet in what Newsor had | broken the law. There was a Free Trade in these, as in any other vest- | tion against us by the beese, brutal, and bloody Whigs, and the sword of | “I do not see,” continued the Alderman, “how I can help you, | If a gentleman has a fancy to a Roman Camiccia, | “ your worship can surely prevent him The person addressed, a sly-looking man, with a look of great mischief, | “Stuff! ”* said his worship; “a thousand men in Court know you, | } |

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PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 123 | it more difficult to credit a marvel which ——— yesterday, than to! re nkia ?” asked the Bench. Aes ADVANTAGES OF THE AUSTRALIAN GOLD “The Winking Doll,” said the Doctor, meekly. “It is a known | FEVER. _. oop friends, let us all shake hands; but that is not enough, Let us all embrace as our foreign friends do, and make a Great Exhibition of our- selves, by rushing into each nny apes tan, people; send up your rockets, let off your crackers and your cannon, blow your trumpets, beat your drums, hur! your hats aloft, and hoora hearts ; yr _ and wit We —- a California of our own, ‘1 is a colonial though sceptics have asserted that there were no cabs on the stand at | PG, the time, and that the waterman who saw the sign, was intoxicated; Z yet a waterman might be drunk, and there might be no cabs on the stand: and a statue might wink—the latter proposition is quite distinct from the former. Statues have been known to wink: statues have been known to fly: statues have becn known to swim: and to talk like other . Our island is full of wonders, which come down embalmed to us in tradition. On a peculiar emergency Sauvt| Guy, the arithmetician, made two and two into five; Saunvtr Watkinc- 3 HAM was im three places at once; Saryt Frvwan was in the habit of | | 3 reaching to the fish and the mermaids at the bottom of the sea; a oxtus and Sarvr Poxivs took refuge in a quart bottle when | pumas or ruids, and being uncorked in presence of Swoxto, | ing of Little Britain, converted him and his whole court. Why is) believe a wonder which oceurred thirteen hundred years ago ?” Dorado ‘ The magi said this had nothing to do with the complaint made : _ South ge ew, against Newsoy, and begged Mus. Cuuncn to state at once what was | says that the Morning | her vance. |i ? AR- The old iady complained that her late foreman was publishing libel Borel) ey Ge te Ye ee ee ae against her cha and against her shop: that he said her goods Mountain Ranges to an indefinite extent in the imterior, is one were not genuine: that he was constantly talking against her, and immense gold field.” Literally, no end of gold in a Brité ! making funof her; to the detriment of her trade and her respectability. |The most precious of minerals—Britannia-metel! mother indeed Naty was ning, eas, R ape | country! Happy iest of colonies! AvsTmant a observ: y ut his tongue in his mouth, and | gina! . | hip! hip! bip! heoray r more— handed round to his friends (a set of smug-looking t le in black, with ee moony! bp! kgpue -_ heads which looked as if they were afflicted with the ring-worm) | And what are you making all this noise about, Mr. Punch ’—you, a caricature of old Mus. Cuuncu, at which they all laughed. ‘The old philosopher—at least, | always thought so—to fly into these ecstacies lady’s nose was trebled in this design, her corpulence was enormously | about a discovery of yellow metal—of which—not to call the substance e ited, and her look (which has of late been a good deal puzzled | itself dross—the very abundance will soon destroy the value !—I am and bewildered) caricatured in the most ludicrous manner. surprised at you. You, who sell me—give me, J should rather say— _AupeRMaN Moses checked this unseemly jocularity, and said, “ MR. | your weekly miscellany of wit, poetry, and wisdom, for 3d.—4d. stamped Nezwsor, it may suit you to make fun of old Mus. Cuuncu ; but you|—for mere copper—whence ali this enthusiasm on your part at will please to remember that there are other people besides her whom progpect of gold ? some folks consider ridiculous; and I should say that this tone of My dear Subscriber! only think of the rush to the diggings. In levity does not become you towards an old lady who acted towards | Australia, crowds of persons, of every description on horse, or foot— you asa mother. As for you, Mus. Cuuncu, I don’t see how I can| with pickaxes, wonton, cradles, shovels, spades, rakes, grubbing- help you : ~~ must remember that you have been calling Mus. joes, hung at their saddle-bows, or at their backs, or around their Hiiis names all your life, and very ugly names too. J’ve nothing to! waisis—hasten to the mines. The blacksmiths can’t make picks fast , do with the dispute between your shops; and can neither prevent | enough for them—and fathers of families take their wives’ fenders and Mrs. Hi11s from selling her ents, or you from vending yours. 'fire-irons for mining tools, and run off with the pokers and tongs, and A voice here, in the crowd, erying out, “Clo! Clo!” in a joeular| domestic cullenders, and pots and kettles, like travelling tinkers, tone. said, “ Yes, if it is a question about clothes, | Away they go—" people of all trades, callings, and pursuits.” It will you know that our have the rea/ old clothes—that we are — soon be the same im this country. and; [ don’t see why we should congratulate ourselves on the [| treated, and yet we don’t complain : that we are persecu yet that we don’t threaten to rebel, or call foul names, or utter false- of the gold fever—which you yourself seem to have caught, Mr. Punch, ! »' ; or incite to hatred and fury against those who do us wrong.” N dear Sir ! . Think of the emigration that must And, another case being called, both parties left the court, perfectly = " Sa» of all callings, and pursuits. hat people? Of dissatusfied. course those to whom is the prime obj Ali the lawyers gins _— and doctors who practise ebiefly with a view to All the divines who look, im the first place, to the loaves and fishes, Ail.endsundry who ‘The respectable PIUS’S FICTIONS. — in their vocation principally to get money. att ne From a correspondence that has recently appeared in th papers, it| solicitom, henoussible hesristen, exemplany gansens alr unpilineaetiie named Tee ny has ~— letters | dealers, reasonable tradesmen, disinterested authors, and well-paid to the AncuBisuor or CanTeRBuayY and others, sometimes in the | Workpeople, will all be left behind—and will be, if not very numero character of a dissenter, sometimes in that of a high-churchman, and| how very select! What a blessing it will be to have all the sordid sometimes in his own—that of a papist—signing himself at one time, S¢ifish members of every profession at the Antipodes ; self-transported ! Francis, at another, Rezs, and at another, Wittiam Rees Faaycis| What a clearance of the system by the Gold Fever: what an extremely GawrHory, in full, The excuse of Faancis, alias Rees, alias| 00d riddance of bad rubbish ! Gawruory, is thus stated by himself: “I cavare yet hed | no object in writing the | lettar (besides complying with the re- m 5 am w great yut to bh he conversio ot toe profess High Chureh princtples to de Cothslio Chueh I pa ovens | We all have our Hobbies. might tend towards the conversion of those concerned, whieli we believe te be the| THB philosophical world, being rather addicted to the dreamy, has greatest blessing they can receive.” | only just woke up toa eH of ——— that a a : on readers wi . | the great Lock question. e unders owever, the subject | a a Dea Men ae! wy aa — } wy J ae meet - ~~ _ will be thoroughly investigated, and that the next number of the under the signature of “ Vexax”—who scorns deceit and imposture, |, _2Jo#0phical Transactions” will contain f= rofound treatise on posture, | the relative merits of the philosophy of Lock BS. and does not pretend that his epistles to Punch are signed with his per name. Really, scarcely a week passes without some monstrous t, fabricated in behalf of “the Church,” being brought home Tue Rue or Tuner.— Liberté¢-—Egalité—Fraternité” to some Romish ecclesiastic, agitator, or zealot. Does the “Holy Father” of Rome know of this ?—if he does, Mr. Punch will be obliged to establish a story-tellers’ corner, in which to put the children of that} THe Lowe Vacation.—The Long Vacation will shortly commence naughty Papa, who are continually qualifying themselves for the| at Cowes, for it bas been observed that most of the English yachts are Positicn. already breaking up. A Paecaniovs Lryrvg.—No Professional man lives so much from| Extrewe Dexicacy or Tasts.—An earthquake has refused to hand to mouth as a Dentist !—Our Rejected Contributor. i swallow the Kine or Naruzs! | j alt Gees EI

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' | altogether uninteresting one ; tho | them the shield, like the sbield of | times indulged in pale PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL yin D apaneee A STAGGERER FOR AN EXCURSIONIsT. Foreigner (with profuse gesticulation). “Panpox, M’stev! Favut-t atten A DROITE, A GAUCHE, OU EN FACE, POUR ME RENDRE A Peex-a-Peex-a-peeLer? (Piccudil/y) THE CABINET OUT OF LONDON. Lowpow never was_so quiet, and the reason is—ail the Ministers, except Lorp PaLMERSTON, are out of London. The fact is, the state, like an eight-day clock, can be wound up for a certain time, and goes just as well by itself, as though its hours were watched. Never- theless, this is all very well for a time; but imagine what might be the result if the Ministers, so happy with their holbday, resolved never to come back at all. What would be our to calculate. With Lonp Jouw Russett, we should lose—that Bran-new ith Sir Cuarntes Woop—the Income-Tax. With Lonp Grey—the Cape of loss? Let us 7 Reform Bill! | Good Hope. With Six Geoncz Gazy—Nothing. HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. Tue intelligent reader (for, of course, every reader of Punch is intelligent.) has now some notion how a shield is divided, and what sort of things are upon it. The subject is not—when treated with a certain, &c., &c, (here we blush modestly, gules)—an h too often heraldic books are so terribly dull, that in EDvsA, petrifies the lookers-on. ‘ 7 From the words “ pale, bend, bar,” &c., are formed adjectives of corresponding meaninz. Thus, when the field is marked with vertical lines, it is called “pay,” and paly of so-and-so, according to the number of them. If _ wanted, for instance, to blazon the face of a fast man of loose habits, you would say that he was “paly of three,” meaning that he had three ale, and looked accordingly. In the same way, you might accurately describe the window of a spunging-house as darry; meaning that it several bars across it. Combinations of these, also, are not unfrequent; a well-secured spunging-house window i be arry-bendy, or paly-bendy, according to direction of the bars. Were a human face to be seen, anxious!y, from within, against the said window, the whole field might be described as a human face debrwised of bars, for any animal having an ordinary /aid over it, is said to be debruised. Yo say that our very friend, that r animal, the pop 1 yey debruised in every possible way, lately, is to venture on a jest of a character as obvious as the said Stag’s want of character. jobjects not to be treated with contempt. | pile is one of them. | minating ina jis in the shape of a diamond. jmay be inclined to try our patent lozenges, will | | himself with liquids of a bri | Bezants” are said to have been Kas | assumed from the Crusades. Whether this im- jplied that the ancestors of our old families | Note, that all these ordinaries are subject to little modifications, which make the science, delightfully complicated. A bar may be aiuled or indented at the edges, though one would think jthe worthy object would be quite sufficiently | | irritating without anything of the sort. Among swb-ordinaries we must notice a few The It consists of two lines ter- int. How we must all wish that our worthy pile, the New Houses of Parliament, would only terminate with definit eness ' And another sub-ordinary is the /Jozenge, which The reader who find them sufficiently attractive as bearings ; and, | indeed, a shield /ozengy is caleulated to remove | the coldness with which a less pretty one would | be regarded. We must not _ the gutter, | or drops, which also belong to this class. These drops are of various tinctures, and if you are | inclined to take a d must particularise | jaccordingly. A shield Sten these on it is | described as guété — de sang, &c., accord- ing to their colour. fast man above men- tioned, would be gutéé d'or, if his countenance betokened that he was in the habit of charging t colour. There are some odd little things, called roundles, also, which include bezands, oranges, pommes, ke. tern coins a themselves to the money of the natives, and then adopted this figure as emblematic of the exploit—or whether they received the bezants as loans when in pecuniary difficulties—we don’t know. There is something very humiliating in the idea of a knight's exclaiming, “ Two bezants more, and up goes the C ”—yet surely coins could not have been honoured as symbols, if they had not been. found by some of their bearers of very vital importance. When a shield is scattered over with an indefinite number of roundles, it is said to be semée of them. Thus, poor Aww Hickxs’s stall in Hyde Park was semée of oranges, pommes, and torteaur (cakes). Sutely, LorkpD Seymour ought to have sympathised with so honowable a ing ; per he was heightened in his zeal,as guardian of the Park, by knowing that he bears three Lions passant guardant—as part of the “ augmentation ” gran to Lapy Sermour, by: Heway tHe Eronrs. The pel Loans ng be much more ere 4 employed, however, than in capsizing apple-stalls. It has been suggested to us that Mz. Paxtos ought to assume (besides the chevrons we men- tioned some weeks ago) a portion of the Crystal Palace, with motto, Sic traxsert gloria mundi / —We have some thoughts of “debruising” the suggester with our “baton sinister” for the awful perpetration. Invasion of Cuba. Geyerat Lorez has been penetrating into Havannah. Let us hope that, in return, Havan- nah will soon be finding its way into Lopez; for we are sure an invasion of that kind will be hailed with delight by all cigar-smokers at who have been accustomed lately to look upon Lorsz as a cigar that would stand neither fire nor smoke, and whose only exploits in Havannal were celebrated, like those of Surra O’Bries, in a cabbage-garden. ONLY HALF A BISHOP. Ir has just occurred to us that the number of Bishops is not quite complete, for the Brsnor or Lawp-’aLr cannot represent an entire see. Tae. FOR SALE.—A great quantity of Plaoks, Sticks, Masts, and Spars, to be had cheap.—Inquire 4 the Royal Yacht Clab- House, Cowes. Churen Row, Stoke Newington, both i= of Middlesex, Printers. st (ae Brans, of No.7, ’ : ‘tm the Parish of St. Bride's, m the City of September Lith, |S: Crineed be +) a +7 Upper Place, Paree of St. Pancras, and freder Omen te Leaked Soon peyde A bP D be ty - Set gt Pieet Street, in

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SAFRIES SHRSS || RES Sea BSP teks s POLITICAL PHILHARMONICS. OME days ago, a Correspondent | of the Times, under the signature of “ Viett,”—who appears to be sufficiently wide-awake, — states that he saw some 2000 people in Victoria Park, the other day, listening to some fine music, which a mili band, sent by the Government to play in the Park twice a week, was perform- ing. The assembly, says Vier, was composed chiefly of mecha- nics, many of them weavers— one of whom made the following patriotic and political observa- tion :— “ Foreigners may boast of oui liberty, equality, and fraternity ; but is not this something like fair play and equality? The Government send one band to play to the nobs in Kensington Gardens, and they send another band to play to us here. “Surely,” adds Viert, “the Government have touched the right string in this case ;” with the tenor of which remark we agree, though, musically speak- ing, we object to the word “ string:” as no instrument that can warrant the use of that term is employed im a military band. The best music requires, for its execution, violins, and we do not think that Ministers would be chargeable with fiddlefaddle if they were to establish com- plete orchestras, with a view of playing on the higher feelings of the ¢. Neither—we trust —will this suggestion be re- sponded to by the derisive exclamation—" A fiddlestick | ” Perish also the vile punster who would, in the remotest manner hint that the idea of the musical reformation of society is a—we cannot write the word—the equivalent of half a minim. If those who have no music in their souls are fit fer “treasons, stratagems, and spoils,” it follows that the cultivation of the popular musical must, on the other hand, tend greatly to create a general unfitness for such atrocities ; thus materially to diminish the num re of ginger-beer-hottle patriots, rogues, and pi kets. It would, therefore, be a cap’tal thing to send a band of Missionaries, with a Conductor at their head (and a Leader besides), | into the lanes and alleys, and up the courts, to charm savage breasts, and humanise brutes, as | Onrnevs did, Such a f with the brave JuLisex as Commander-in-chief, would ensure | poy ay ng tho its services should sometimes be required in a Row Polka. E jection to this scheme: and Government, perlaps, at present does yyy 7 Radoying the only musicians at its command. It is pleasant to see our army engaged in pteserving order with drgms and fifes instead of with bayonets; and we like the| comical notion of eioaising the ro classes in this way, by the aid of the military. HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. THERB is one practice rigidl observed in Heraldry which we should be glad to see intro- duced iat Gamentn lide. Fi the senstioe of desceiing what hes to be deseribed inthe | brief . i ing a Hh $e much as tautology. “ Blazoning,” | or her. i is ate . : precise. us, if you bear ona white shield a black the fold oe Wyott mo 4 are three red roses on | on a chevron sa. between three roses cross-crosslets, of the first. The term | the first,” avoids the repetition of the colour—the eolour ought never to be repeated, nor the description prolonged. To illustrate from common life,—if you wanted to describe Canttt, as a boar more dangerous than the generality of his order, but restrained from biting by legal penalties, you state bis case quite simply by saying that he was a boar, sable, | tusked,—muzzied, or. How many “patriots” might be happily tauched off by the expression 2 a oye ” How clearly it defines a certain mercenary taciturnity! This heraldic pointed- | ness is estimable in its way. Why take pains to delineate at length some unworthy impostor unworthily enriched—when the expression, a , or, settles him in three words? For, gorged describes the ornament encircling t of a bird; and the ornament | is almost always a rich one. A goose gorged with gold, is no infrequent phenomenon in | lors wiviiean ' arms ?—Simply,—arg —— VOL. xx. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. _ 128 The word issuing is also susceptible of remark able application. We hear of “a cross-crossiet —— issuing from a crescent, sable,” as the crest | acquired by an old family in the Crusades. But our days have witnessed the cross issuing from all sorts of quarters. A remarkable cross has | issued from @ square, or—we mean Golden | Square. The varieties of the cross are very | numerous. Sometimes, it is a cross, Teury—as im the case of a dandy ecelesiastic, or a gaudy church. Sometimes, it is roided—which means, | as the heralds tell us, that the “inner part is taken out ping 9 charch that has lost | met; i charity and purity. signifying that the bearer desires to present a approaches. Sometimes, it symbolising—what ? Certainly not any church or ecclesiastic mild, modest, and celf-deaging bat worthy to be the token of bodies indivi- duals altogether the contrary |—And so, Heraldry may have a meaning and applieation in our days, as in former ones. THE FRENCH GIRL, ROSE. A Song of a Modern Saint. Dedicated to Tm, Newman. On! my Saint is like the French girl, Rose, Tamister by surname, And leads me gently by vhe nose, With wonders just the same. A heart, tattoo’d upon her »reast, Stains handkerchiefs and c'othes ; Of course through miracle imprest, As by the Freneh girl, Rose. Her angel wakes me with a knock, Each morn, at her command ; And puts new buttons on my frock, At times, with unseen hand ; Suspended in the air she prays, When on her knees she goes : And | believe whate’er she says, And in the French girl, Ross. What Mr. Lewis could not teach, With all his pains and art, My Saint, by means above his reach, Can instantly impart : She ’!l cause a simpleton to write, To read who not e’en knows ; And that by superhuman light, Just like the French girl, Rose. A round of toast was seen, one day, Into her mouth to jump. These marvels, seorn them as ye may, [ swallow in a lump From holy pictures, at her word, A wondrous ichor flows : True faith no statement deems absurd, Nor doubts the Freneh girl, Rose. My Saint shone brightly in the dark, And flew across the sea, Convey’d by an obedient shark, So great a Saint was she! Not half hysterical, half “do,” As hereties suppose ; Oh no, my brothers !—more than you, Or than the French girl, Rose. A Question on Criminal Jurisprudence. Wuerner, in “ing criminals to imprison- ment, or transportation, for life, it would not be much better to condemn them to the works going on at the new Houses of Parliament ? The expenses of transportation abroad, or main- tenance at home, would be done away with whilst the term of their punishment w remain precisely the same. imes, it is engrailed, | j and torturing edge to el whom he | is al

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. a j DEBT AND GLORY. | EcENTLY the papers have published | a list of the amounts of the public | debts and standing armies of all the states of It seems, from this document, that glory, as ae yy by the military, does not | ; for ev ‘anding army match, wees state that has a! a running debt to not discharge its | we run our eye! equal to one. what is owed by all Europe put together, we may naturally start at the penalty of greatness, and almost pel the ioalities, a of the Y principalities, w py con- ition is described by the mi “No debt, no army.” re are a few of the places men- tioned whose standing armies must be r as standing jokes, for what could Lichtenstein do with its sixty men? which is the number of its entire soldiery. We defy the sovereign of the to get up even a res le ballet with such a very limited corps of supernumeraries; and as to war, should such a thing be declared, the idea of sending sixty men into a field of battle is simply ludicrous. Lichtenstein seems to us to be about a match od Herne Bay; and should that ambitious watering-place ever wish to measure the trunchecn of its policeman with the sword of the warrior we think there could be no fairer contest than the little shingly bathing-place with the shabby little Duchy. We should not be surprised to see an advertisement in Bell’s Life some day, on the part of the Bay, intimating that “if the Duchy means business, the Bay is to be heard of, any day, at So-and-So’s sporting house ;” nor should we be astonished at the arrival of a parcel by the South-Eastern Railway from Lichtenstein, declaring the Duchy to be in a state of perfect readiness to post the rhino at any bank of the Rhine, on receiving proper notice. We were rather astonished at finding Darmstadt pretty strong in numbers, both as to debt and soldiers; but when we remember that during the summer season every watering-place has its “Duke of Darmstadt’s brass band,” we can easily account for the army being numerous, to admit of its being cut up into green-baize bands, and sent about collecting, perhaps in the summer, sufficient to support the expense of winter 2 og Hesse Homburg has an army, which seems large for the place, amounting to 350 men; but when we recol- lect how many waiters are required at the baths, and at the other national establishments, we see at once how such a force can be made available. The Duchy of Baden has also an army, large in comparison to the importance or non-importance of the place, and its debt is heavy ; but cre or two good seasons at roulette would pay off the national debt ; and the troops are always available as croupiers, and in other kindre capacities. OMNIBUS REVIVALS. TALK of the revivals on the Stage—they are nothing to the Omnibus Revivals, An Omnibus plays many parts in its day. It first comes out, spick-span new, all gold and y colours. It runs its brilliant career—goes to the uk regularly five or six times a-day—till at last it retires with rheumatic springs, or a pain in its side, arising from a broken panel. It is sent to the oem ape put, as soon as it is allowed to go out again, on easy work that will not test its strength too much. It is next tried on little journeys where there is no opposition on the road. It is “let out for the day.” It takes Y Gentle- men’s Schools out on picnics, or is entrusted with a valuable load of old ladies, who are making their annual visit to the Opera, and have made an express stipulation with the "Bus to be taken home before eleven. It does its work steadily—despises all the pomps and vanities of gold letters and pretty colours—and walks about—it can scarcely be ed running—in a plain suit of quiet Omnibus drab. It mostly moves in the suburbs, where it is in great uisition at nights, at ing at the various evening-parties of the ssigtbeutbnelt besides being a constant any Professor from London h visitor at the Mechanics’ IY. whenever comes down to exhibit the last ionable quackery of the day. But the Omnibus is getting old. It begins to get more shaky every day. [ts windows rattle—its doors are seized with odd convulsions, that allow no one any rest—and it is as much as it can do to get one wheel before another. It disappears one wet night—having fallen, from extreme weakness, into a ditch—and we next see it on Epsom Race- course. It is plying for hire from the Railway Station to the Downs. It is a poor Lunliiedions, crazy concern— persons who get into it, from pity, are sure to get out of it quickly from disgust. It looks terribly cut up, and as if it were tied together ‘ by strings, like a ready-carved fowl, and you imagine, if one string was cut, that all the limbs of the poor thing must tumble t on all sides in different directions—when it would require the cleverest surgeon in *Bus anatomy to put them together again. We thought that some such fate as this was always the last stage in the career of an Omnibus ; but we were disappointed. It seems that there was another torture in reserve for the poor tortured, expiring vehicle—and that was the Exhibition ! “ ; é Look at the long string of decrepit, invalided, emaciated, worn-out mibuses, as they stand any | outside the Crystal Palace. Was there ever such a melancholy lot of Omnibus Revivals? Some witha little paint to make them look spruce—as they put a young actress in an old comedy, to make it go off better. Some with a new set of | wheels—as they advertise a lumbering old me with “new effects,” to make it run a little longer. Others are up in the most piteous fashion—the patches barely hiding the scars and wounds with which their mutilated bodies are gashed all over. Every artifice is resorted to in order to conceal the ravages of time and | ill-usage ; and if there was a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Omnibuses, not one of the unsightly carriages—whose miserable | sides are made to carry a long plank, on which is painted, or chalked, | or pinned, the word ‘ Exhibition ”—would be allowed to make such a | painful exhibition of itself in public. Al! the old omnibuses in the world | are here collected together; and if you have missed a favourite old ’Bus for more than ten years,—one which you are confident must have been condemned to the odie dex long wes down to Kensing- | ten, near the Symposium, and there we will wager you the best dinner Soyer can give, (and that is not saying mauch,) that you will find your | favourite old ’ Bus still plying, crawling for hire, frisking - ~yasamed about, and attempting all the freshness of a one-year-old "Bus. An Omnibus is noted for its wonderful tenacity of life; and we | really believe if you were to cut one up into half-a-dozen pieces, that, like a worm, they would all join again, and that it would still go on rupning. Notwithstanding these wonderful attributes, however, we | fear that ithe mortality amongst ’Busses, during this Exhibition Year, 1851, will, when it becomes known, be something frightful ! MAZEPPA (NOT FROM THE EXHIBITION). Agri “ Master Poncu, “Tis all very well to talk o the Mericans woppun we wi their reapun masheen. I’m bo to say ar a one O my men as you'd like me to bring forrad, will beat their new fangled invenshun at reapun any day, wi a hook. “Your sarvant to | “Bomex.” | Bee ae &3. E a o x ey E68 FE 5 oy | Fees

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ig- er ur lly we at, on ve ir, ee

| their number down on his back, and poked him with their canes, and | Millions. Come carly. No bigotry! All religions taken in. _ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 127 i

MR. BRIGGS ON THE FIRST. FortTuwaTeLty ror Mr. Brices (wHO WILL LOAD HIs OWN GUN BECAUSE THEN HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS ABOUT) THE KEEPER DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS PUT ABOUT THREE QUARTERS OF A POUND oF Suor INTO HIS RIGHT-HAND BARREL. ————— ee

tried to keep him there. Another of their diversions consisted in push- ing one another about, in such a manner, that, if the handle of the left- hand door had, by chance, been unturned, the door might have been thrown open, and one or more of the gents out. LARKING ON THE RAILWAY. Mr. Puncn, afew evenings ago, between half-past eight and nine o'clock, was travelling (with his characteristic valour) in a second-class , ; : carriage of an up-train on the London and Windsor Railway. In the midst of an animated intermixture of conversation and song, : : . the sibility of a collision was mooted among the gents, to the no it ae Bn tan ent toe at fay tay ay small aggravation of their mirth. A gent remarked that “ it would be eldest of them might have been some four-and-twenty, the rest two or | * reat loss to society” —alluding to himself and his companions, who three years younger. Their exterior was fashionable after the fashion | laughed inordinately at his observation; but rather, it seemed, in of the Minories—their manners were, perhaps, rather less gentleman- | —— of his manly levity, than from any appreciation of his uncon- ‘ P ° | scious satire wThece ects ted “cvidently been ey their infatiotte—s00 Indeed, Mr. Punch never heard so much laughter, with so little wit, t 1, a : * ee 9 aay | in any society, as in that of these gents. rel = Ke ramp be 3, om a that sort of bant sl fzee expressions and riotous demeanour (one of the gents, by-the-by, tonal the lo Ls vd a “ 1 aft” wie of the es - ties used this word, and pronounced it demeansour) is, Mr. Punch believes, Was uni y isible to * 4 end the < hol —¥ - ee b od = | called in the gentish dialect a“ Lark.” Let there, then, be added to all her ay jedi F. +4 like “x We e, Wl fort ad A be i , the | trains another class of carriages, to be called “ Larking Carriages,” where carriage — dus wise the misiortune to be im 'He! birds of a larkish feather may enjoy ay ee —— = sting . oe P _| those of a more sober plumage. None but themselves shou con- ane op ay ye oe by a I ie ao demned to the company of gents under the influence of Natural Sherry Sir, that that’s my at.” Occasionally their “ats” were knocked over into and Oc. — a oe Mr. Punch’s compartment, and were smilingly banded back to their —— . counlly aut by that —— who happened to be in even a more than } ASTE PAPER.—PARTIES desirous of giving the largest price for Waste B . . pee Paper, are earnestly requested to make the speediest application for bits of the y way of variety in their sports and pastimes, the gents got one of New Austrian Loac. Persons may be accommodated to the amount of at least Seven

re hd a —ahe a R ahe N t apn ree

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_ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | AMERICA VERSUS ENGLAND. HERE i » hope for England ;

passricsn comes our | the ae: we say every is ever Renceforth, for thing in will be carried off by our big brother Joxaruax. We really m about us «9 little, if we do not wish to be pitesly odigeed '7 y the and flogged by the stripes of America. We are Jonw Butt iss little self-sufficient at tines, and a wholesome tub on that gh point—his vanity—will have a very beneficial We are not, however, quite disposed to alige Bo Tashess, 7 al ay superiority |‘qu+ they claim; and we gre not m mind _—— of the result of the pd Days fiaeee Riis Gallows that the American horse which is to be: drole tomes © tba the America which will never be —

MRS, BLOOMER TO THE FEMALE RACE. (Fucoured by Mr, Punch.) ™ Women AND Sisters,— ‘Tue great Questi ion that has slumbered beneath the /gnorance and Idleness of Ages is at length awake, and erying. Need I say, that Question is Petticoats ? “ Petticoats have been the Badge of our Slavery to Man. But the dawn approaches—the hour ts o to strike—when with one accord ~ may snap the Strings of our Yoke, and stand erect in the face of our *ersecutor “My Sisters, it is my wish to deal with this Conrulsing Question—a Question destined, as I believe, to shake ¢he ae the Earth, to 7 nothing of every Fireside—with a Mildness t convince, and oftness THAT SHALL Disanm, With the Bolduess of the Eagle, | would unite the Tenderness of the Dove. Revertialoss, it is impossible, if we cast a look long backward at the causes of P cain, pes over = to behold the Hand of the Tyrant and the yr knows! I should be the last Person—if I know myself, the very ——— to say a word that could offend—but this I masé from the Dawn of Time we have been crushed fo the Earth by the heel of our Oppressor ; and at length—the Worm has Turned ! My Sisters,—The Cunning of our <Arch-Destroyer is benofalls developed in the Fashion that Jike an Tron Manacle he has smilingly forced upon us—the Fashion that makes any distinction whatever between the Dress of Man, and the Garments of Vonen ! You ba: p bag er aed perceive that this Distinction—the Cunni Device r inning of Time—was invented as a cat of = which shat Intolerant Bigot, Man, (if 1 may be allowed the expression) has, for | Ages, Yoked us, as Trophies, to His hand Car ; trailing no ad hoe minions Petticoats in the Debasing

our / he true Equality f Lo can never e until ¢, i | Kgualily of Costume. ndence of by amp shown bye Liberty oi ro oom Dress. liar me an Enthusiast; but I to live to oni possible, even much T look) when ’twixt there shall be no Ouéwar Wistinetion paapy an Me Fleet may be mistaken for Ais Wife ; and i ward aprgarances be hay dy us good us Fd flesh of flesh |’ Gen | is Ermine twin el Bred al -" e —? of oad-cloth, Then thes ill be the true and never until then! But all this in Good re tly disturb the Bigotted Prejudices of our oppressors, as | must be po to call them)—the Prese ar Move- ment is with Petticoats, “From this moment, let every woman seals, wosthe of that oF rape and still improving title—let every fe when things of the Past ; ules of the ‘aa cast off = rect ate f ts if € F a e ili ment (that we may not too violen!

iit wil, 1 mae be

Flattering down the Abyss of Oblivion. Yes: * see o Wemen rise from her Petticoats, as the long-imprisoned Butt rises from its crippling and LE sheath ! That Butterfly in its ilar Condition crawled upon the Earth, and ~~ up the Mud and the Dirt. And now behold it, openi we shutti ts Beautiful Wings in the Air ; now balancing A upon 4 Rose. That Butterfly be bold enough to say as much)—that sf is to You. To You, future ? Wine and Mothers,—my first A ap pend a forward for from their Bonds. TT and therefore, in this Vital of Petticoats, you and stirring. are timid. It is mot my mission to hide anything. Women It is the fault of their social state. But the time will come true woman ie) the like with her present oppressor, worries, (for I will not disguise the )}—at present woman u Ob, for another Aalf-century, and there will be rill be just as weak and as strong as the other | —Women are timid. Especially Therefore, wives and s, my is in re fs not paint to you ‘ear, ‘ie “Teeay of (3 Tnsulting pie af bene of Petticoats. How it peers from its nest. Now on this side—nov See that w it tries a branch of its parent tree. And now it i» ] looks abroad—abroad—into the And now i rst adventurous sad its little heart my ana utterfly is « y? Yes—no! its wings, and taken it guage, she ¢tosses the oung Bloomer is ts ! “ And, ae she Aas a soul, she feels herself in a complete suit of maii armour ; and the oo and jeers of men fall harmless as sugar-plum about ber urges w “ But—for, as I tave said, it is ot my mission to hide anything—but every virgin is not made to become, of her own accord, a Bloomer Therefore, my hope is in the Married ; yes, and the Widowed. 1n this great social Question of Petticoats, none ean be too old, by precept and example, to assist. J confess it, in the Bloomer Movement, I count greatly upon the Dowagers : “And wherefore? Zzperience has given them courage. Time bas taught them all the Arts of the Oppressor! Yn this War against the Bestel : Tyranny of Man—let this be understood—no Woman is Exempi y “And now, Wives, to you I addtess myself! And I ask you w women, beginning even at the twelfth hour aa Sifty-ninth minute to fee! your own strength,—I ask you, what have you fo fear? Compassion may he shown towards those—weak and timid—who have yet ¢o get husbands ; but having pot them,—you. are, or ought to be, every one of you, your own mistress ! ou will remember—for it is not my wish to strain the tenderness of any conscience—you will remember that there is nothing ia the Marriage Ceremony that does directly, or indireetly, touch upon the point costume, Not a word. The Gactieg of of Petticoats is never agitated Of bone,’ implies not one would begin with the ay And I earnestly exhort t no woman consent to not take his Bride ful have any who has not ‘i y bys oe 4y ceremonious disavowsl Church—whea W oman vy Steps of the “Altar then, Woman ma i ae Gres te Pepasty don her place ! “Women and Sisters, I Rest “Your Sister and Champion,

A Very Qdad hot: a Common Commniiaen, no en the public would soon ceasé rs and that there would 2 no ing articles as| Common Council credit philosophy, if it can feel | with ts Lore .

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PUNCH. OR THR LONDON OHARTVAR! 129 PROCLIVIOR, (A slight Variation on Loscraiiow'’s “ Baerisi0n.” *) Tue shades of night were falling fast, As tow’ ie face there pass’d A youth, look in a trice That his “% chose 1 device— His hat, a wide-awake ; He tapp’d a cane His eye was Midst beneath his teeth ; and there rung, of mn unknown tongue, 'ROCLIVIOR ! In calm first-floors he saw the light Soars are r . He turn’d his , and murmur’d “ Slow,” Procuivios ! “ Come early home,” his Uncle said, “ We all are early off to bed ; The family blame you far and wide ,” But loud that noisy youth replied— Proctrvior! “Stay,” said his Aunt, “come home to sup ; Early retire—get early up.” A wink balf quivered in his eye ; He answered to the old dame’s sigh— Prociivior ! “ Mind how you meddle with that lamp ! And mind the pavement, for it’s damp!” Such was the Peeler’s last ight. A faint voice stutter’d ont “ All right.” Proctrvior ! At break of day, as far West-ward A cab roli’d o’er the highways hard, The early mover stopp’d to stare At the wild shouting of the fare— Proctivior ! And by the bailiff’s faithful hound, At breakfast-time, a youth was found, Upon three chairs, with aspect nice, ‘True to his young life’s queer device, ROCLIVIOB ! Thence, on a dull and muggy day, They bore him to the Bench a, ay, And there for several months he While friends speak gravely as they say— Proctiivior! CURE FOR RAILWAY CARELESSNESS. We continually read in the of an accident occurring on this or that railway, “ which might — been attended with serious con- sequences.” Somewhat less frequently—but still very fi tly indeed—we read of a railway accident which “has been attended with serious conse- quences ;” namely, with the death or mutilation of a large number of human beings, the loss of parents and friends, and with them of the means of subsistence to various persons ilies, more or fewer. An accident whieh jas been “ with serious consequences,” renders any railway compeny, on whose line it may have occurred, from negiect or want of reasonable precaution, liabie to heavy ages. _ How if Parliament, in its wisdom, were to impose the same penalty. in the shape of a fine, on any company, similarly culpable, in the case of any acci quences,” whether it was or not? — And if, in its higher wisdom, Parliament were to declare ine getting off the I shall te eed’ my oy ae aad engine off t i be presumed to imply an carelessness, and coneidaged to be an “accident which might have been attended with serious consequences,” and shail be attended with a ferious fine ? * A reference to the “A t ” of our childish years—when we first began dimly to imagine that the was the Birch—will explain why “ PRoCLAvIOR here used im due to the “ Excetsion” of the aspiring Professor. W, t far into the pros and cons, the words pro and clivus wilt show the rt ves @pplication to a youth bent on going “ down- hill” in life. = see Faccio.ati's Leawon, Fuxvivs de Ling. Lat, Lasin without | * Master,” de., dec. “7 | | | | i >? | § - i ia, am ¢ that “might have been attended with serious conse-| pe ape wae B. OUR AUSTRALIAN AND KENSINGTON COLONTES. Mz. Barry, we understand, has made arrangements for ex- pediting the communica- tion between the and Kensington—a journey which has hitherto had many incidents to place it on a par with the voyage between England and Aus- tralia. While ecorom time has been a considera- tion on nearly all our home foreign routes, the 3 from London to , and from Kensing- to the Bank, have the two discredit- ptions to the acceleration of the travelling, The con- a? which the eom- on ey geen may be tendered for are already before the public ; but we have the pleasure to submit the following heads of stipulations to be observed by any one meditating the transport of the mails to or | from Sydney, and the males and to or from the Bank and Kensington :— The tenders are to be made for steamers propelled by screws, and omnibuses not propelled by screws, but by cattle that can peg away at a rate to be agreed upon. The journeys are to be made without stoppage of steamers at the Cape, or of omnibuses for the cape—of the conductor or driver, in case of a sudden shower. The steam-packet contractors must be prepared to go six times a-year to and from Sydney ; and the omnibuses must be ready to start | six times a-day to and from the Bank and Kensington. The steamers must go eight knots an hour; and the omnibus drivers | mu travelling. | &e.; and the omnibuses to be supplied with tables of fares, cushions, drags, and either pumps or highlows, for the conductor to make a decent ap nee in. ‘he vessels not to loiter, deviate from the course, or put back, but 'to proceed at once to the line; the omnibuses not to loiter, go os of their course, or put back, but to get into the line at the Mansion | House. | The above are a few of the most salient points of the conditions to be observed in tendering for the new contracts about to be entered into ; d we trust that arrangements will soon be carried out which will | bring Australia and Kensington within the sphere of those improvements in travelling of which almost every other portion of the civilised world | has long since enjoyed the benefit. A SOVEREIGN OF A DOUBTFUL STOCK. | Tae Austrian Government, according to the Vienna Correspondent de Times, is negotiating a loan, to be raised by general subecription ; ut a land, bably as @ hment for its itieal hostility, is to be denied the priviions of innnatng ife hand each into fd am paper.” . English capitalists may ider themselves insulted by the Austrian | Government’s refusal to them; but they ought, at the same convert their money into Austrian with that material would be to feared that the creditors of the limited dividends ; since, for faith, there is probably at | i | MPEROR OF Avustnia will receive t tyranny, and barefaced band a day of reckoning which will leave 4 crown. Naples Dissatisfied, Tux Correspondent of the Daily News writes that the Krvo or Nartrs is not satisfied with the pamphlet of the Anglo-Neapolitan, Macrarzano: he did not go far enough. This is a little too bad, The pamphleteer went over head and ears; dyed himself in his ink- ' bottle. It is plain the King of Naples would have an Ethiop more than black. | hang upon a sweep? How much soot does his Majesty think can be made to | of | st have cight knots in their whips to ensure the same rate of | The vessels to be supplied with charts, furniture, anchors, pumps, | despotic Masvsty wi! hout

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es "PUNCH, “OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

THE CINDERELLA OF 1851. THE SCHOOL-ROOM. N the workhouse school-room, aay and smail, That looks out on the workhouse wall, Sit the pauper children, drearily, r the pauper mistress’ rule, Mumbling, and stumbling, and stuttering wearily, Over the tasks of the workhouse school ; While the = light smites uncheerily Sodden faces, blank of thinking, t yes that cannot keep from blinking, Little bodies, sore and sinking That scarce hold up on bench and stool. *s ~ NOS A .y- ‘ ~ > Jt. ~\ >) Y La SNOT . But on the side that’s out of the sun, In the furthest corner, and darkest one, Two little pauper heads are mi Their scanty growth of pauper curls,— Two little pauper faces tingling,— Two pair of pauper eyes rain pearls, As two little hands go slowly singling y word, of those tattered pages, Hoary and brown with the thumbing of ages. What is the lesson that so engages The thoughts of those little pauper girls ? Never, I ween, was so eager a Fasten’d on Primer or Spell No—’tis the school-room’s babion tee treasure, Bann’d and banish’d, but loved the more,— The book of mystery, awe, and pleasure,— — glorious book of fait a ? at charms even pauper childhood’s leisure, With its marvellous tales of dwarf and giant, Of ladies distraught, and knights defiant, And a world of wonder that moves compliant Tofthe waving wand of the fairy corps. ont 6h Mn. yay’ j 6 si i t a & 1 hy le’ ‘ 4 } P afi J %F, . PAY as eX i =| a

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PUNCH, OR THE And the two are reading the story old, Wherein of Crvperexta is told How she crouch’d at the kitchen fender, And how, in her poor clothes and worn, She was fairer than in their splendour Her sisters, stately and full of scorn ; For loveliness lives not with hearts untender ; And how, with gd geey and trains a-sweeping, ae drove to the and she went creeping to her ashes, and there sat weeping ; And how, to the maiden all forlorn, Came the fairy godmother true ; And then—oh, wonders ever new '|— Of the pumpkin-coach, and the mice that drew it, With its old grey-whi d coachman rat, And the green-coat lizards for footmen to it ; And how in the ball-room, where she sat, She was the fairest, and never knew it ; And how, of Pime’s flight, Twelve struck, to her, And she fled, and left her glass-slipper behind ber, And the Prince sought the wearer, and did q And she lived a Queen ever after that ! Oh, blessed Fancy, that chases the gloom Even of that blank workhouse room ! Their little heads and hearts are working, And wond’ ring if fairy god-mothers now Tn chimney-corners may be lurking— hen comes the sharp word and sharper blow: “ Drat you! take that, your tasks for shirking!” Alas! the chiding and cane so ready Are Fact’s stern warning to fancies heady, That back to the workhouse jog-trot steady The world’s poor paupers is quick to cow. THE SLEEPING-ROOM. Little breaths come hot and hard In the crowded children’s ward, Where three and four in a bed are sleeping ; While our fairy-ridden pair Vigils of the brain are keeping, For the fays are busy there, And in night-long revel sweeping, Scatter Fancy’s treasures, hoarded In the workhouse, sad and sordid, With a liberal hand afforded— Wealth of dream-land, rich and rare ! THE WAKING. Hark! the workhouse clock strikes five, And the crowded room’s alive ; Careless hands of pauper nurses Shake the sleepers out of bed, And that done, with cuffs and curses Bows each little pauper’s head, d its parrot-prayer rehearses ; Then, their breakfast bolted, wandering, The half-conquer’d slumber blundering, To the yard they ’re march’d, while thundering Through the gate the vans art led. THE RIDE. What the journey they ’re to go, Little do they care to know,— Blunted by their workhouse training ; So the vans they roll along, Without question or complaining ; But the power of > strong, And, as now the Park they ’re gaining, Half the troop is sunk in slumber, (Our two friends among the number), Denser crowds the way encumber, Scarce the vans can cleave the throng. THE VISION. The vans have come to a sudden stop, And their sleepy freight they drop ; And our little ones’ eyes, im blank amazement, LONDON CHARIVARL. 133 Fountains of glass in sun-light glowing, Great green trees and bright flowers growing, And beautiful men and women flowing In an endless stream from aisle to aisle ! Wonder on wonder—more and more Gema, and jewels, and sparkling ore— ae real, Ad » —- # | 1is world of marvels wander throngh ? “Oh yes! I know we are not dreaming ;— The book we yesterday read is true : Tis . so bright ane ing ; The fairy god-mother of the Beeause we are friendless, ons sad, and sorry, Has changed the workhouge into a glory, For pauper children like me and you.” FLOWERS OF THE ORATORY. LL pe readers are aware that there was held, the other day, at Birming- & Roman Catholic ting in honour and glory of the Very Rev. Dn. New- adi BP aa er himself & speech, and that the Goines is an extract from he reported oration of the Father of the Oratory :— “ Tt was a curious thing for him to say, thongh he was now of mature age, and had been very busy In many ways, yet this was the first time in his life that he had ever received any praise. He had been in other places, and done works elsewhere hetore being a Catholic, bet there was no re sponse, no sympathy; it was not the fault of the people, for they could not respond, Da, Newman, in this ob- servation, affords a singular instance of the truth that extreme simplicity may ac- company great abilities, Considering what the great Tractarian jeader had been | doing all along at Oxford, } can it be wonderful to any- body but Dr. Newman that he met with no approbation until he found | himself at Rome ? The Very Reverend Father is represented as having proceeded to | say— | Some instruments could only make beautiful music, and some from their very | nature could only make a noise. So it was with such a body as that to which he once belonged —they contd only make a noise—no echo, no response, no b iful muate. But it was quite different when a person went into the Catholic Church.” What does Du. Newman think of moans from Neapolitan dun- |geons? What of howls of sedition, rancour, and malice from a certain party in Ireland? The body to which he now belongs bas made |some noise in the world ; has it at all resembled these noises? There is a very general impression that it decidedly has; but Dn. Newman | appears to have closed his ears to the noise, to hear a singing in them instead, which he mistakes for beautiful music. When we re- member, also, his extraordinary confession of faith in relies and modern miracles, we cannot but entertain a serious " | labouring under a delusion which may be termed New—mania. Uniform Friendship. Tre imperial Reo—Feanz Josera of Austria and Hun —has met and embraced Wi1114M THe Mystic, of Prussia, Valorous | Promise-Breaker, Press-Compelling King. utiful must both | potentates have looked, mirrored in the eyes of one another, For, says wore an Austrian uniform.” The Austrian colour is white—the Prussian, blue. Could their Majesties appear turned inside out, we doubt not they would be both of the same colour; both wear indelible court- mourning for murdered constitutions, prehension that he is , the self. | appointed soul-and-body Keeper of a few millions of featherless bipeds the account, “the Emperor wore the Prussian uniform, while the King | Be a Me ete artim rae hae ren ru “a

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PUNCH, OR THE EXHIBITION 3 ‘| —_. lous TAL PALACE BAu'kK Conductor. “Horn Harp, Bru! A NICE MESS FOR MESSMATES. “ Puwcn, ahoy! “Here’s a precious paragraph for one of the newspapers, put in by some land-lu “'Tea yor Tue Navy.—Maesenas. W. 8. Sucrriewortm & Co., of 36, Fenchureh Street, have again taken « contract to supply 50,000 Ibs. of tea for the use of the Navy.’ “Avast there! I sung out when first I read this. Tea!—éea for British Seamen! What next? Bread-and-butter, I suppose, as though they were young ladies at a seminary; and a pretty Tosndine cobeal d’ ye see, that will make of a line-of-battle ship. Or, mayhap, Jack is to have plum-cake with his tea, or belike, bread and jam. Tea in the Navy! Why—shiver their cups and saucers!—’tis making the sea- service a tea-service. Tea! by-and-by, I expect, a carpet laid down on the fore-deck. Bless my eyes, if ever I thought to live to hear of such slops as that for a seaman’s chest! Well, I am blest, says [, split my top-gallant mast! for certainly I was took quite aback by the notion of tea on board a seventy-four—turning a man-of-war, d’ye mind me, into an old woman. _ Howsomedever, when I’d chewed the matter over a bit, I twigged it all. Steady! thinks I to myself. Belay! How about the truth of | this story? It can’t be. No, Puach, my hearty! I don’t believe a word of it. ’Tis a tale only fit to tell the marines. Depend upon it, twas hatched by some swab of a reporter, through hearing that the Navy was to be served with canister and gunpowder. A pretty son of a sea cook, to think that anything but grog would ever go down with “ The Old Ship, Sept., 1851. “ Saut Junx.” you, that I’ve cut out of ber :— A Challenge from Bell's Life. Tue Ex-Oxrorp Pert, now called the Braurvonau Swatiower, backs himself against any old woman in England. He offers to take down pictures, statues, or all Mapame Tussaup’s wax-work, if need be. His money is posted, and his backers ‘ready, at ULLaTHoRNe’s, the New Mi irmingham. , tre, B LINES (NOT QUITE NEW) WRITTEN IN A COPY OF THE DISCOURSES OF THE MIRACULOUS DOCTOR. Accept the book by subtle Newmay writ, And take a miracle instead of wit. A Cuttey-ary Orzration.—Sending the Earth and Planets, all to pot. sigedmaredme. LONDON CHARIVARI. Hene’s a Covurtz mone Leicester SQuaRES A-COMIN’. The Miraculous Cabbage. | Rose Tamisizr, the Miracle-monger | py rir was or- e y wen to t a cabbage in a convent-garden, and that in a few | days the miraculous vegetable grew to so enormous a size that the whole community dined off it. Vast as this vegetable must have been, Farner Newman, of Birming- ham, is ready to swallow the cabbage and all the community who ate it, and the story into the Lespain, to preach without inconvenience after- | wards to a select congregation. A Nation of Shopkeepers. “Ts it not enough to make the sword leap out of every Frenchman's | | seabbard when he witnesses the cor- | rupting influence of England’s Gold ! ill it be believed that within the last | week—and we can state it as a posi- | tive fact—that America has been pur- | chased — yes, vilely ee |‘ Perfidious Albion.’ How the spirit of Wasuterton will gibber, when he | 'is told that his darling America has | pasond into Sctente ot an ishman | \for the miserable sum of £7,000!” From an Anglo-maniacal French Paper, A Nixcompoor.— One who pays a-Nincome-Tax when he might avoid it. ’ SOMETHING TO TAKE A SIGHT AT. Wewuax ice is tolerably cool, but it is positively tepid compared with the coolness of the following advertisement :— zn icaL—w ANTED, by a Surgeon, in Town, a Visitinc AsstsTant. , He must be a member of the Hall or College. A young man wishing to see prac- tice would be preferred, as no salary will be given. Apply to —— —— A young man may have an intense desire, perhaps, “to see practice,” but the look-out must be dismal indeed if unaccompanied by any prospect of salary. We should like to know how the surgeon, in town, would like to give his services upon the same terms as those offers to his assistant; and whether he would take a practice offered to any duly qualified surgeon “ wishing to see patients, as no fees will be given?” It may be all very well to “see practice;” but, unless the oung professional enthusiast can see his way pretty clearly how to ive without an income, the mere fact of “seeing practice” would amount to a very visionary sort of benefit. The worthy assistant must, it seems, put entirely out of the ~~ all idea of serving himself, for the very superior satisfaction of seeing, and, of course, assisting in another person’s practice. After this, we shall not be surprised to read advertisements for partners, stating that those will be prefe who are desirous of “seeing business, as none of the profits will be given.” The Pick of the Exhibition. Sovce Mr. Hosss has succeeded in picking Cuusp’s locks, we have not been able to sleep. We have been tortured with one great fear, which, as loyal subjects, has robbed us of rest, peace, appetite, every- thing. It is perfectly well known that a certain Diamond, as big as a walnut, is confined in a “safe” (the word seems to mock us), which is secured by a lock, or a spring, or something of that sort, which has been manufactured hy Cavss—but Cuvss offers no impediment to the burglarious skill of Hopzs. Therefore, in an agony of anxiety—for while we are asking the question, the very thing may have ~we put it to the Royal Commissioners—we ask the nation the following tremendous question: “Is tHe Kon-1-roorn Sarz?” A Regular Sell. Tae Sale by Auction of the materials of the old House of Commons, suggests the idea that if the immaterials of the new House of Com- mons were to be cleared off, the result would be very profitable in one sense, even though no money might be offered for any one of the ex- tremely odd lots that would be comprised in such an arrangement.

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or- ge ow le ve er- . a 4 ry PUNCH, FOREIGN FAMILIES OF DISTINCTION IN LONDON. EOPLE have cried out that there were no foreigners in London ; et London never was so full of them as at the resent moment. We almost lieve there are more foreigners in our metropolis just now than Englishmen e only hope that F.-M. the Douxg, and other alarmists of a Foreign Invasion, have taken every precaution that the guards at night are doubled at the Tower, and that the Bank is sufficiently defended to resist a nocturnal attack. We not only have foreigners in units, and parties, and clubs, but we have whole families of them coming over, and exhibiting themselves, it may be, for the purpose of ying their expenses. Lon- on is presenting to the mind of the philosopher a pleasant picture of “le M en Fa- mille.’ There is the Syrian Family at the Egyptian Hall ; the Iroquois Family at Cat- lin’s Exhibition ; the Chinese Family at the Chinese Gallery ; the Bushranger’s Family at Cremorne ; the Al- gerine Family at Vauxhall, or somewhere; the Italian Bro- thers at Drury Lane; to say nothing of the India-rubber Brothers, from all parts of the elastic world, who go bounding about our public streets. If this continues, we may shortly expect the arrival of the following foreign families of distinction :— Tue Russian Famity, They will drink a pint of train oil every two hours. Tue Frencu Famity. They will take up their quarters at the Dramatic Authors’ Society. They will go through their wonderful performances of a French Revolution, erecting a barricade, planting a tree of liberty, with national songs, &c., twice a day. Tue Timpuctoo Brorners, in their native costumes and sheep- adornments. Tae Brorners or THE Desert, who will exhibit themselves in the Exeter "Change Arcade. A camel has been hired to give due effect to the celebr: tableau of “‘ The Death of the Camel.” Tae German Cousins or Unitep Fatuer.ann, to the number of 1032, each little State sending its Cousin. Each Cousin will sing a song about “ Was ist das Vaterland ?” claiming it, of course, for his own little individual State. The whole to conclude with the celebrated farce of 4 German Constitution, which will be the signal for all the 1032 German Cousins to take his pipe, and to begin talking and smoking as vigorously as they can, which will continue for several hours, and only be concluded with a general fight, and the entry of Rassian soldiers,—giving altogether a most striking idea of “ United Fatherland,” as understood by our German Cousins. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 135 THE CUSTOM-HOUSE FILTER, Tus is the slowest Filter on record. It is for the use of steam- vessels. As soon as the steam-vessel arrives off the Custom-House, the whole contents of it are poured headl into the Filter. It is most amusing, then, to watch the process of filtration. For two hours, rather more than less, are the contents kept locked up in the Filter. This is to allow them properly to settle. The space in which |stowed away is not large; it being necessary to keep the body as | closely packed together as possible, so that nothing may be lost in the | process. As soon as the two hours have expired, a small door is opened lat one of the extreme ends, and the rush is tremendous. The object is to prevent this rush, and accordingly the opening is made smaller and smaller, till at last it is with diffeul anything can be got to through it. The filtering then begins. « It is extremely slow—so slow, that if is only after hours that you can perceive that the body of people locked up for filtration has in the least diminished in density. Only one person is allowed to drop through at a time—so that if there are three hundred persons waiting for thew turn, it can easily be imagined how long it will take before the whole mass can be cleared away, until not a drop remains behind. Sometimes a heavy trunk blocks up the narrow aperture. ‘The filtration is then suspended, and the whole forces of the Custom-House are brought to bear upon the removal of the heavy trunk. Portmanteaus and carpet- are squeezed more easily through; but reticules and ladies’ boxes are sad stumbling- blocks, owing to the number of bottles (whether of Haw-de-Cologne or -vie, we cannot discuss,) that impede the free circulation. A bit of sponge, placed in the palm of the hand in contact with a piece of silver, will sometimes expedite, it is said, the filtration ; but though the Custom- House officers will lend their hands freely enough to the sponging system, it has but very little effect upon the Filter itself, which seems to take so many hours to empty itself, and will not be emptied sooner. This Filter will keep in any climate; but nowhere does it act so well as at the Custom-Llouse in London. The following Testimonials, which we are happy to subjoin, will prove its wonderful efficacy :— “ GENTLEMEN, : “T have used your Custom-House Filter, and am bound to say that it acts slower than any other Filter I know. It is true it leaves behind it a slight deposit of 6¢. each package; but then the settlement of this is got right rid of so very quickly, that 1 am sure no one can possibly object to it. “T remain, Gentlemen, your grateful servant, “ Exenezer Ovpriie.” “ GENTLEMEN, “T have been in the habit of using your Extraordinary Filter, now, for the last ten years ; and | must say that I know nothing like it in the world. ‘This is high praise; but not more than you deserve ; for I can safely say, that though I have been a traveller all my life, I never met with any Filter that did its work half so searchingly, or so slowly, as your Custom-House Filter; but the very slowness of its operations is the strongest guarantee that nothing escapes it; for your Filter has the pastleniar aculty of clearing the smallest thing that passes through it. (Signed) “(Caprary Cann. (Zravellers’ Club).” “ GENTLEMEN, ; “T can answer for the cleanliness of your Filter; for when I went into it I had as much as fifteen — in my pocket; but when I was ‘cleared through,’ I was so beautifi cleaned out, that I had not a single sixpence left. “ Jack TOWELL. “To Her Majesty’s Officers and Commissioners of Customs.” A Neapoxitan Famity—all in chains—fettered by the leg to felons sent over by the kind permission of the Kine or Narues). A Romaw Famuty, with a French soldier standing over them, com- manding them—women, chi all—to smoke “in the name of| the Pops.” Should these and more arrive—including specimens of the newly- | discovered race in the interior of Africa—men and women who are said | to have tails, just like monkeys—all the different members of the lar Y: ee ily” will yg LA — v1 in a = wo an interesting sight collect them together in t Crystal Palace, and give them a dinner, with Wippicoms in the chair, be being confessedly the oldest member of the Human Family. The Cabbage Rose, Tamisier. Wuew the brothers of the Oratory met to discuss the last miracle of the Cabbage, and agreed to receive it, Faruzn Wacstarr said meekly, Which of us, dear brethren, would not embrace the Pore’s chou?” A faint smile passed round the refectory-table, and a table-spoonful of | split-peas was awarded to him as a recompense for the mild joke. CmeSunsemetien We have desks full of other testimonials. Some from young ladies, sighing to reach home; some from elderly ledigh ommemnins after a long voyage of sea-sickness and fatigue, but still testimony as to how wonderfully the Filter had relieved them ; and others from poor foreigners, alluding in terms of comical distress to that same relief— “for when they landed in England,” they say, “they might be full of apprehensions as to the future, with only a few shillings in their pockets, in a foreign country; but they no sooner left the Custom-House Filter, than they felt relieved of everything.” All these testimonials breathe the same sweet tone of unequivocal ; but, after those we have y printed, no one, we think, can ve a doubt as to the admirable workings of the Custom-House Filter. If he | only let him take a journey to Ostend and back again to London, we are sure he will be convinced at once. Tea for the Navy. Somezopy has just undertaken to supply no less than 50,000 pounds of tea for the use of the Navy. This is a good sign, and the next piece of agreeable news we expect to hear is, that tea w be the only sort of gunpowder that our Navy requires. —— —" diiientouatnae . an aaeer os Ee a ae ge ee

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL. | simplicity in business transactions, and Mr. Punch, asa capitalist, would | LIGHT AS AIR AND STUPID AS LEAD. have been delighted to lend a few hundred thousands on the Lmperial is and Royal word of His Majesty the Emperor and King. ue most wonderful instance of the fitmess| Under these circumstances, Mr. P. is deeply vexed to find that there of things oveurred the other day, by the is no office in the City of London where he can subscribe to the new accidental descent of a bailoon—con- joan ; and the more so, as he is aware that the cireumstances of H.I.M_, taining the veteran Somebody or other, the delegate of Heaven, are such as to render pecuniary accommodation and a few other somebodies or nobodies— mtly necessary. in the grounds of an Asylum for Lunaties.| The traitors in his Imperial Majesty's Kingdom of Lombardy refuse The only improvement we could have his Imperial paper money, and will, for the presemt, only be paid in suggested in this arrangement would bullion: this rebellious spirit drains bis Imperial Exchequer, and, of have been, that the balloon should have course, adds immensely to the expense of the wast armies which are started from the Asylum, instead of required to keep order m the rebellious p of North Italy. For, making the home for |unatics the end of if the rebels consented to receive notes of the Bak of Austria (which its journey. The other day, another of has issues pretty much like those late d k of these expeditions terminated in the im-| Elegance in this City) in return for produce, it is ifest that mediate neighbourhood of a cemetery at | the army of the gallant Ravetzxy could be fed and at a much to lend such @ sum of ready Majesty Fulham: and as the aéronauts, in con-| cheaper rate than at present. sequence of the bursting of the balloom,| Mr. P., and several other influ were within an inch of their lives, it was | London, would, therefore, have been appropriate enough that the piace of money as should enable his I. descent should have been very near to| Lombardo-Venetian territory a force a burying-ground. It is strange that| question at rest—that shoud be able te these airy enthusiasts will not take) paper or lead: and that should at anes Selng send into the paper-money fans a choice of t immense warning, even when it is administered by charge to the empire of paying troops and d w bels ix corn, persons dropping from the clouds, im the | And, this difficulty got over, one ¢ (that e of Elegance) very sudden manner that we have lately | might be established throughout the vast dominions of His Imperial witnessed. We presume that the recent | Majesty. accidents will give a zest to exhibitions of | ne currency—one government—one truth i m ~ the same sort; and we shall not be sur-| (accountable to Heaven only) are thus the adi ges whic oe to see shortly a line or two im a/ little seasonable ready money, might be secured for the Empire. vill, announcing that Mr, Mus., or Miss; As there is but one truth; it need be told but by one organ: and all So-awp-so will ascend on a certain day, with a balloon warranted to | newspapers might be done away with. burst in the air at a certain altitude. As but one faith: Jews, Turks, Protestants, Infidels, &c., and their pastors, must conform, or take the conseque One Government, and the humbug of Chaat Diets, debates, votes, and rubbish, might be put an end to. ewspeper ickerings and palavers of local assemblies cause half the sments of Govern- ment. Books propagate most of the errors which inflame weak and A BID FOR THE NEW AUSTRIAN LOAN. Mr. Puxcu presents his compliments to His Excellency the Austrian Minister. Mr. Punch has at this minute the sum of Three hundred and fifty- | three thousand nine hundred and eleven pounds, three shillings, and four pence, lying unemployed at his bankers, Messrs. ALpGate Pump and Co., of this city, as reference to the boats of those gentlemen will fully prove. ’ , ‘ It is Mr. P.’s desire to invest this sum as advantageously as possible, as part of the fortune of his twelfth little girl. In this country, the Chartists and the high price of the funds; in! France, the Ked Kepublicans and the doubtful issue of the Presidential Elections, rendering investments in English or French Stocks un- | available; the King of Prussia being clearly not in his senses; an the ilastrious Spanish nation having already absorbed three million one hundred and nineteen thousand seventy-six pounds of Mr. Puach’s loose capital, without making him any return, Mr. P. naturally looked to Austria, as to a maligned but flourishing country, where demagogues were suppressed, order was restored, Hayrwau in a} | graceful retirement, and a spirited and excellent young monarch | established on the throne, blest with the vigour of youth, and the instructions and advice of a religious mamma. It was, then, Hern Vow Puncn’s intention to invest this portion of his youngest child’s fortune in the New Austrian Loan, having the greatest hope and confidence in the good faith and prosperity of that | mighty empire. } Not good faith in promised constitutions—promised constitutions be hanged !—but in the solvency and stability of the Imperial Government— a good faith very much increased by the late [Imperial declaration, that his Imperial and Royal Majesty, having dissolved all previous engage- | ments made with his people, was, from this time forth, accountable to | Gop only for any measures which he might do, or undo, and for the sole | | and supreme conduct of his empire. Knowing his Imperial Majesty to be eminently religions, this direct | mode of settling aceounts gave Mr. Punch (as a commercial man) the deepest sense of security and satisfaction. For what could be more | | deliehtful than to think that the next world was answerable for the new | | five per cent. loan ? or, in the event of the terrestrial non-payment of the | dividends, his Imperial Majesty, acting under the immediate sanction | and authority of Heaven itself, referred his creditor to the Great Firm | of which he was the sole Agent and Commissioner? A heretic Go-| vernment, or a borrower, who had no sense of religion, would offer some | sort of gross earthly security for a loan; whereas it is far better to | transact business with a religious Sovereign, eelestially delegated, taking his most religious promise in striet confidence, and allowing him to act without a complication of accounts, without responsible ministers, with- out chambers, without consulting hi i without what are called securi‘ies or embarrassments wicked minds. Books, sowapenet, and local assemblies being abolished, the course of Government would be clearer, and infinitely less costly. Had the Hungarians never debated, they would never have rebelled; and never have been punished ; and the expensive Russian would never bave been called in. Had Mapame pe Maperspacn never been able to read, she would not have had wrong thoughts; she would not have been flogged. What money, what blood might have been spared! No. Let there be one currency, one government, one newspaper, one catechism of polities and religion, and one Emperor—accoun to Heaven, of course What efforts will not Herr Punch and all right-minded men take to secure these desirable ends: what an Elysium will the Austrian empire be when these ends are secured! And why are there not offices open in London where English capitalists might exchange their money for Austrian Paper ? Mr. Punch entreats His Excellency the Austrian Minister to accept the assurances of his most profound consideration. Whitefriars, Sept. 15. Elegant Extract from the Unpublished MS. of a Distinguished Penny-a-Liner. Tue following is a bond fide extract from the MS. of one of our most distinguished Penny-a-Liners. It has been sent to us by the Sub- Editor, under whose critieal scissors the manuscript fell, as being, in his opinion, “far too good to be lost.” The subject was a “ Fearful Conflagration,” and our author, after expatiating very warmly upon it, proceeded to say :— “The affrighted female jumpt out of bed, but the pevocnrwc rLewEnr PuRsTED ER ROUND THE ROOM We have heard of many curious literary pursuits; but, of all the Pursuits of Literature under Difficulties, we may justly say, there never was such an extraordinary pursuit as the one above. A LITTLE NURSERY TUNES. (To be whistled in any Key you please.) Picxery, Piekery, Lock, Mr. Hopss knows what ’s o’clock ; For Hoxss has won, and Brawan 8 done, Piekery, Pickery, Lock. (Bis.) ‘Ws Reatty Covtpy’t Hew t.—Lorp Mawsrretp said that “A Dinner was the lubrication of business.” The jubrication was appli _— indeed, wit rhat a any sort. There is nothing like | of course, to the yoin#s/ Ha! Ha! Ha!

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ere new M, tion fuse d in 1, of are For, hich c of that yuch y of Pedy the ney e of ense "OT n, nce erial efor by a d all their ates, } and rern- and shed, stly. led ; ever able have one le to e to apire open y for cept most Sub- z, in arful yn if, RATED li the never PALMER'S LEGS, A council of footmen has been held at the Whee! of Fortune, Ma. Jeames in the chair. Several gentlemen who are out of place, and thia about the calves, have expressed their determination to amputate against the season, and are going into the Saint George’s Hospital | forthwith. It is thought that families requiring tall footmen, will be better pleased to have i jage, than the unequal calves, the thick ankles, and the unartificial uniform behind a carriage stuffing, which so often disgrace the foot boards of the aristocracy. The Corps de Ballet is much excited. Miss Baypineu.i talks about chloroform and the| knife, which a young Surgeon of Guy’s offers to employ gratis ; CrooksHaNks, Srinpie, and recourse to this admirable American artist. Indeed, Mn. Pater thinks that he can perfect his invention, and construct not only | legs, but whole bodies, which will perform ryt execute piroueties, entrechats, and 80 | “ R as the very best coryphcées. And we hear that) HEALTH OF LONDON DURING THE Mz. Lumuey is in treaty for six dozen of these danseuses, which will perform in the ballets perfectly : which, after the first expense, will cost the enterprising Impresario nothing: which Bad guage behind the scenes: which, if they sprain their} Wesrwusrer Bridge is as well as can be ex- mended easily, in ten minutes, by the Carpenter of the ‘Theatre: which will! pected; but, as nothing has been expected of the forth; sigh, grin, pant, leer, and ogle, as wel will never quarrel, tattle, or use ankles, can LaNky propose to remedy the defects of nature by having| PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 137 In the Russian service, the surgeons are com- |pelled to act as barbers to the troops; but the N American gentleman, named ™°Fe barbarous task which has been allotted to Pater, having lost | CX” Own military surgeons, shows the authorities one of his own lower | oS the Doe Guards to have improved very con- limbs, has invented a leg, | of the Ny ooies J idea of the dignity Fe Jeet te wll sides| Probably « course of studies under Mn. Cat- as well, kicks as well, as ™4*7. with a view to acquiring proficiency in with the original member, “8 pplication of the cat and the halter, will We hear that bushels of 200 be prescribed as a necessary element in the legs are ordered for Chel- education of the British army-surgeon. pl ; that the ser- vices are very much A HIGHLAND CORONACH, annoyed, because persons | (Or Lament over the Acts and Slate of the Duxe losing a limb will not be or ATHOLL.) pensioned in future, but After Scorr. il itte : — wy yy = He has shut up the mountain, their ships and regiments. He has locked up the forest, ADMIRAL Lore and He has bunged up the fountain, Cotowe, Hopper. CB When our need was the sorest ; at the United Service| The traveller stirring Club, have expressed To the North, may dogs borrow ; their determination to | But the Duke gives no hearing, No pass—but to sorrow. have each his leg taken | off (the Admiral suffering | The hand of the tourist much from gout, and the | Grasps the carpet-bag grimly Colonel, who is still the | But a face of the dourest dandy of 1815, from a Frowns through the Glen dimly. tight boot and corns), and | The autumn winds, rushing, to wear not hing but Ame- Stir a kilt of the queerest, rican legs for the future. | Duxe and gillies come crushing W here pleasure is nearest ! Queer foot on the corrie, Oddly loving to cumber— Give up this odd foray, Awake from your slumber! Take your ban from the mountain, Take your lock from the river, Take your bolt from the fountain, Now at once, and for ever ! MespemorseLies Kwox, LAST WEEK. not lead young noblemen and men Of fashion astray: and which, if wanted, can be hired out | Bridge, this is not saying much for the state of for parties to Greenwich, Kichmond, &c., perfectly dressed, and capable even of taking cham-| jts health. pagne, lobster-salad, &c., as well as the present ornaments of the Terpsichorean stage. An THE DIGNITY OF MILITARY SURGERY, As Estimated at Head Quarters. | Blackfriars Bridge has been sinking for some they will not grow old, thin, fat, ugly, as the best of the living machines must do: time past, There was a rumour that it was getting and when gentlemen are tired of them, can be put away without any inconvenience. | stronger, and would soon be able to rise from its | bed ; but we have learned that,unfortunately,there | is not the slightest foundation for the rumour, | Bagwer Beaumowr’s Pump in Piccadilly has been laid up now for the last month, and, what is worse, gives but little hopes of mending. It | still carries its handle in a sling. Ture is a certain mean, worthless, despicable set of fellows, who have never, until lately, ‘The New Houses of Parliament are still ex- | been treated with the scorn and indignity which they deserve. tremely low, and do not seem to advance in the These vile and infamous wretches get a disgraceful living by administering to the hard least. The Architect is said to be the Basuy-er | exigencies of those distressed individuals who, overwhelmed by the misfortune of bodily to their not yogesne ‘aster. injury, or loss of health, are reduced to the necessity of seeking relief under their sufferings The Punch Office still shows the same extraor- alluded to are, in common called practice, in which nominal remuneration. The “ practice,” as it is termed, of the degrading employment styled the “ Medical from the resources of a paltry science, or of a low mechanical art. ‘The caitiffs and miscreants dinary sights of vitality, every publishing morn- , called physicians and surgeons, or medical men. nder Medical men—if men a class so debased can properly be called—alter a few years spent steady circulation it has got. in the easiest possible of studies—enter on a life of idleness and freedom from anxiety, labours, of a menial character, are attended with immense ing, and no wonder, when we consider the very New Title. Sovce Srr Hanry Surrn’s cattle-lifting ex- Profession,” is the dirtiest of all Pay on work, and is pursued altogether from the equally ploits in Caffreland, it is proposed to create him sordid desire of gain. Hence it is the followers of that ignoble avocation are regarded 4 baronet, with the addition of a syllable to his i so odious and contemptible a point of view by persons who pretend to be high-minded name, as “Sta Hagayine Surrm.” gentlemen. render to society. A vulgar Public, it is true, from a principle of selfishness, entertains a certain sort of respect for these fellows, out of consideration for the magnitude of the humiliating services which they VENICE AND ENGLAND, Tue Venice Official Gazette abuses England in The spirit of military chivalry, however, has a proper sense of their dishonourable position. | very choice Italian. “ Lonp PaLmenstos is an From the head-quarters of that lofty sentiment—from the Horse Guards itself—bas issued an object of repugnance for every rational man ! order, comman | branding deserters with the letter D. that the army medical officers shall henceforth perform the duty of Weill, liberty hopes for no light from Venice ; inothing, at the best, but a Venetian blind. | | | VOL. XXrI. * a ey angers . =

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sinews of war on human liberty; — e | their money peta | y PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL FRIENOS IN THE CITY. mame City, erties of the Times, in reference to the new Austrian loan, says that gtenesce it is alleged, deter. mined 16 subserthe to the extent of all the available means of the convents; and the principal Jews tave siso been influenced to ‘ recommend all of their profession to snbscribe libe- rally.” And why not? Is not money like any other commodity? Am I to be debarred from selling £. s, d., because my customer is likely to make a bad use of the article, &.? Must I decline to export iron, because a despot might have fetters made of it, to chain patrists together withal—or cotton cloth be- cause it might serve an absolute prince for a nightcap, &c., &e., &c.? Well, my commercial moralist, suppose you have the right to supply a tyrant with the your conscience need be disturbed by no such reflections, as t very penny you lend may be a bullet for a true heart,—a knot in a scourge for a woman's back, &c., &c. Let all that pass ;—there are other points in question. Are the Jews recommended to subseribe liberally to the Austrian loan as a good investment merely ? Is it simply as usurers that the Roman Catholic prelates have deter- mined to devote all the available means of the convents to the same AUSTRIA’S Zt purpose ? Will the Jews be likely to expedite their emaneipation by lending to abet the Ewrenon or Austria ? atholic Hierarchy, by pressing the cash of their nal credence for their Will the Roman > Church into the Austrian service, gain any additio | constant assertion that they are merely a spiritual, and not a political | organisation, and by no means hostile to human liberty, and not at all desirous of confining the intellect and enslaving the soul ? THE NATION AND ITS MONUMENTS. Tue National Gal holds its place In Trafaigar’s noble Square, And being a national disgrace, Will remain forever there. The Duke om the Arch was raised, in spite Of all that the world could say ; And because he stands on an awkward site, We of. course shall let him stay. The Palace of Glass is so much admired, Both in Country and in Town, That its maintenance is by all desired : So we mean to pull it down. The Flower of Politeness. Teere is now growing, ata nursery-ground in Chelsea, a Victoria Regia, so gigantic as nearly to fill up the garden. A’ person of cere- monious habits, in passing the flower, put it gently aside, exclaiming at the same time, “ Now then, by, your leaf.” ANOTHER AND ANOTHER STILL. Tre novel cable just prepared for the Electric Telegraph may justly be called the greatest curiosity in—new—rope—(in Europe). [The maker of the above atrocities, if he had a little more rope, would undoubtedly hang himself.’ No Wowper !—After all, we-cannot be surprised that the American invader can’t get the Cubans to rise on bis side, How very common is| there is not such a palace. a Lorez that won’t “draw!” PANORAMA OF THE INGLESE—AN INGLESE PAMILY. (From the Beyrout Banner, Joppa Intelligencer, and Jerusalem Journal.) Tue renowned and learned Sage and Doctor of Beyrout, the excellent | wonderful ee in a a nome tg ated — - | people of Franghistan. e is familiar wi deeply studied the customs and manners of the Infidels. He has caused skilful limners amongst them, at the expense: of millions of piastres, to paint pictures representing the chief towns-of the Franks ; which works are so wonderful, life-hke, andi resembling nature, that true Believers, without leaving the eushiom of repose, or the of meditation, may behold the: towns of Europe ted before them, Hapsee Asoo Bosn, has just returned to his beloved country from his | | | j ' | i and have the mountains to come'to them, which would not advance in | former ages, no, not even to meet the Prophet. | The famous and skilful Hapsew has arr: |the Rope-makers’ quarter, in the large vacant the baths of Ev Tuawer, a vast commer, im extnonts. the wonders which he bas brought from foreign countries. money to a negro at the door, you are intsednced th ure passages into a chamber as dark as Gehenna,and: into a place which they call a pit, where: you sit in expectant terror, before am awful curtain, lighted but by afew faint lamps. | Many of the stoutest Agas and Effendis: im Beyrout entered! this | gloomy apartment not without: awe. womem: of the hareem of | Paroosa Pasna.were placed imabox, guardedibymgilt cage ; aswere near the Bazaar, | the ladies of the Bivesearp Bey, | of the Gaawp Mosse: Women’s curiosity, indeed, will go any- where. As the poet has sung— There is no secret so dark, but the eye of Zutuxze will pene- trate it. There is no tangled skein, but the finger of Leta will unravel it. There is no lock so cunning, but the crooked nose of the old’ hag, Fartrma, wil! piek it. —Indeed, a vast audience of the officers, lords, and topping merchants lof Beyrout were present to behold the Asoo Bosa’s wondesful pictures, Before the curtain drew aside, and our eyes were dazzled, our ears were diverted by a dexterous slave, who executes the barbarous music of Europe, and the favourite songs of the unbelievers, b ly turning the handle of a smail chest, called a Hurridee Garridbe. The hanale | operates upon a number of bulbuls who are confined within the box, | each of whom at lis signal comes forward and pipes in his turn. One sings the hymn of the French Feringhees ; he is called the Parees Yenn : | when he is tired, anéther warbles the war-song of the English; he is | called the Roolbretawnia: this over, a third mightingale begins to pipe the delicious Jove-song of the Yangkees, who are a kind of Ingleez, and | the name of this song-bird is Yamgkeedoodool. The sweetest of all the songs is tlis, and fills the heart with delight. | hen the birds are tired, he who turns the handle of the box stops | turning, and the music ceases with a melancholy wail. And then, as - : _— of splendour, the pictures begin to pass before the astonished | Denoiders, The city represented yesterday was the City of Lundoon, which lies upon a river called the T'ameez: over which are twenty thousand bridges, each twenty hundred parasangs in length, and to which there come daily a hundred thousand ships. In one quarter of Lundoon, during the winter months, it is always night. It is illuminated, however, with fire, which gushes out of the bowels of the earth, and affords a preternatural brilliancy. This | quarter is called Stee; twenty thousand carriages rush thither every | minute, each carriage holding forty persons: the drivers and grooms crying out Stee; Stee! In this quarter the Shroffs and principal merchants reside. The palace of the Lorp Canpr is here, and eacit ward of the City has an Elderman: who becomes i in his turn. They are ail fat in titis district, drinking much of an intoxicating liquor made of citrons and rakee, calied Panj, or Poon}, amd eating of a stew of tortoises, of which they take many platesfull. Asoo Bos owned to having tasted and liked the stew, but about the liquor he was silent. After seeing the Merchants’ quarter, the view changed, and extribited to us the great Mosque of Paul, whereof the dome is almost as high as Mount Lebanon. The faithful pay two to enter this Mosque ; which sum goes to the support of the t Within, it is sur- rounded by white images of captains, colonels, and effendis; whose figures show that the Ingleez were but an ill-favowred people. In the court is an image of a beloved Qneen: the “Queew Any is dead;” and tear their beards to this day, so many they love her | memory. and the three wives | | | | | | | } | | | | i | | The next view was that of the building in which the Councillors sud _| men of law of the kingdom meet for their affairs. In all Stambool It is carved without, and gilt within. The ‘Chambers of Council are endless: the chair of the Queen is a treasure a

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| ase Azaat. 8. Fa

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 139

of splendour; and ABoo Bosn says, that when she comes in state, and surrounded by her vizeers, this intrepid Sovereign of an island race) THE RAILWAY TRAVELLER’S FAREWELL TO that governs provinces more vast and distant tian Serendib and Hind, — carries — arms — — pine Hadjee did not see the HIS FAMILY. OBEN OF THE INGLeRz, a of this story. *Twas Business call'd a Father to travel by the Rail ; Besides the Mosque of Paul, there is the Mosque of Peter, whereof His eye was calm, his hand was firm, peli his cheek was pale. we likewise saw a view. All religions are free in this country, but only | He took his little boy and girl, and set them on his knee

a piece of white cloth round their necks, all are dr in black—we ; saw pictures of these, as also of the common peo | the carriages, the |1'm.going by the Rail my dears—Exza, love, don’t cry— Quaes's janissaries in scarlet, with silver — their heads, and | Now, kiss me both before I leave, and wish Papa good-bye. cuivasses made of a single diamond. These giants are al! temfeet high : | I hope I shall be back again, this to tea, therr =. anoons ie said that each consumes a sheep, and drinks | And then, I hope, alive and well, that your Papa you'll sec. a’ barre! of wine in t y. Sait : dears. where ‘ — Anoo then showed us the tri larch, near to the house of Wat- {Tm oes te svar are that he Aa par a bay a; sameneee E10cs, wee ela from eee and see —e And incom imetent quick as thought—belore wb awed» cry ant” image on bor: images of WELLINGTOON are pla accitient eceurs, and—say good F | gbout the town, ‘wesities: ‘the'Hagiish being so proud of him, —_— he {a= tye to peor Papa! | conquered ‘the Fremeh Jenznat Booxaroont. But lovers of poetry ‘Sometimes from scantidlous weglest,:my dears, the sleepers sink, kmow the opmiondf the bard-:— Pam 7 ed wi . o_o 2 progress of the train, sometimes, a truek or -bax checks, eee {on zisk der poor Bapdle,anth belitinnathe. An eagie is-shot down, antia)leqpard runs away with the spoil. Or there may'be a serew loose, a hook, or'bolt, or pin,— Near this is'the Maidaun, wtheretthe young lords and ayes ride, with 'Or else an ill-made tunnel may give way, and tumble m ; pymphs.as beautiful.es:thoseatf ‘Paradise, arrayed in tight-fitting robes, And in the wreek the passengers and,poor Pepa: remain ant smilmg from prancing ¢haggers. | Confined, till down ypon.them comes*the next Bxeursion-train. ‘and now came @ buzz df wonder im the erowd, and outeries of 5, : ff nate , from the women’s homes, which made theennuths move dhout J eélieeman ‘ecaréion,tens,-orff netioveriorigit, iskly with their rattans, when the a dawned ee ee ae wn ee Soret i npon us, Tepresenting the prodigious Castle of and pavilion of If poor Paget aay Seal ete 1c levis indy in tho oneal , Ste mites ‘long, and ‘in. height several furiongs. It is built af Point be badly managetl, as th the other day, sotkampattieatl steel], without putty, wood, bricks, or nails. On tthe —— apts cnn wot pa walis are fiegs,in number one hundred and seventy-cight | . | Over and over the off the Weeeitl “Prame to Allah?” ‘when swe saw the sentist tenilartl,with | And poor Page's unable, when'iee“sileund, to tell the tale the-ereseent and star of our august master, AspuL Wiens. . anal This palace was built in a single nigit ty = ceneianiter named And should your poor Papa cocupe, aay attingn, with his life, Paxtoox. ‘his wonderful man possesses:all ‘the secrete df mature ; he May he return on two to his anti bis wife,— can make a meion in ten minutes grow as'bag-asca camel, a rose spread With both bis arms, my little. dears, return your fond embrace, = a ape — the size of an mee ok Lately, maeonvent-of And present to you, unaiter’d, every feature of his face. ervishes, he cau in one evening @ ca to «0 (beg, that | Gense—but, mi insure after hearing a sermon from one of their Moliahs, Seo got u x, the 4 I = — a. ru : y~ . Tr : a boughs, axes were brought, the plant was felled, and the whole com-|* a, b : wills leo Ii ron nian —' te gga munity dined off it; several ‘bursting with reoletion, so delicious ‘was | —— t aude b + t yolk apes er . - the food. This was told Azoo Boss by a Mollah of Birmingham, a Su Gant lenges to Sting S--en aeeeEms < poor Sage. twisting dervish, who had seen many wonders. : <= Having seen the exterior of this Hall of Light, Anoo Bosu now showed to us the wondrous interior. All the treasures of the world are there, MAZZINL. surely. Ten hundred and ten thousand persons come thither daily, and they all go first to see the saddles and embroidery, from Beyroot. What arcades of splendour! what fountains! what images! The) tallest trees grow in this palace. ‘The birds cannot fly to the-roof: it is | so high. At one end, is a place where travellers are served with cakes | and sherbet by ravishing houris, with moon faces. O, Asoo! O,} Hapgez, I suspect that Fatima, your one-eyed wile, has not heard the | end of those’taies! What says the poet ? | The best part of the:tale is often that which is not told. A woman’s truth is like the cloth which the Armenian sells you in | the bazaar: he always cribs a portion of it. And now, having spent several hours in examining this picture, the | bulbul‘box was again set in motion, and the greatest curiosity of all | was represented to us. This isan Ingleez family of distiaction, whom | Asoo Bos bas brought with him, and who will be exhibited every day | | at three hours before, and three hours after sunset. But the aecount | of their strange behaviour shal! be reserved for the next Intelligence. |

continental papers, Bigwor Mazzini albeit in England—continues to be the prime disturber of the peace of the world. The matter is not yet thoroughly searched to its head, but, we fear, there now remains but |itile doubt that the late earthquake in the Kingdom of Naples originated in the dark mind of the triumvir. His Majesty Kine Fer- DINAND has been heard to express him- self very decidedly upon the port. Galignani —that original and high principled journa!—iaments the banis!i- ment of families from the sky of Paris all the fugitives being victims to “ Maz- zint-tsm.” ‘There can be no doubt that descent upon Cuba originated from the same cause; and should the plague break out, within the next ten years in Constantinople, the pest will The Greatest Miracle of all! Roman Catholic priests.are very fond of boasting of their wonderful | miracles ; but there is one miracle which they have never yet been able | to accomplish. ‘They have been trying at it for a wearisome number of |

; & virulence. ears—at least, they they have; but hitherto their holy efforts | , on not been attended with the slightest success. The miracle we | be — ot would wy ay! ——— “ allude to, as still waiting for fulfilment, is no less than jour bappy count upen r guard. - | proverbially over-frank and eonfiding. A great proportion of the THE PACIFICATION OF IRELAND ! |, potato erop is gone in Ireland. We make no accusation; but we must When Ireland is restored ‘to and «quietness, such as England - | enjoys, ont sul. tan, ie noe agency of Roman Catholic A priests, we u py realization as the greatest miracie “ ” | of all Roman Cethclee eusecion and shail almost prepared to Latet Anguis in,” &c., dec. a as believe in winking statues, bleeding pictures, S81. Peven's r, St.| Tae Pore is so well known at Rome:for the extreme slipperiness of | Janvagius’s bicod, and enormous cabbages—even though the ecab-|his dealings, that some heretical wag has been scribbling over the | bages. may be larger, a.d have as much Leart in them, as Campusal door of the Vatican the following mseription :—*“ ‘Tux CeLesaaten | Wiseman’s sanctity! |OnigtwaL Eex-Pivs! — a

one.is paid. Some dervishes shave thetop of their heads, some tighten | And their mother hang shout hienesk, end her teare flowed fast and free. | CCORDING to the authentic reports of the | mevitably be Mazzini in his worst that Muzzmui will not ultimately be found at the root of the matter. | _

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ANGLING IN THE SERPENTINE.—SATURDAY, P.M. Piseator, No.1. “Hap nver a Brre, Jiu?” Piscator, No. 2. “ Not Yet—I onty Come Here Last Wepwespar!” DON’T OVER-RIDE A COCK-HORSE. LONDON POLITENESS. ; | Tue Glasgow Examiner has been to London, and has returned to Pieces may have long runs without any fatigue to themselves—how- ; ever tiring they may be to the audiences—but when we hear of a horse ¥ — with ‘ ae Sag Ss _ 2 eae hes having had a run for 83 consecutive nights, we begin to wonder the Leadon ~All on uy fh _ A Se af sithnour Base poor creature has a leg to stand upon. We perceive that our old friend | “O80°R; At Our cabmen are P wrens od cads pass for noblemen. In fact, all London society, like a cabinet-pudding, is Mazeppa is still upon his legs at Astley’s, after having “urged on his | fare: : ro : covered with sweet sauce: but then, the Cabinet itself, is a great cause wild career” without interruption since the beginning of June last. | { this; for, says Examiner, When the poor brute became sensible that the drama was henceforth | ° ‘ to be his peculiar walk, he never could have calculated on a run of such | mt LO oe a ee hy, -- 44 ys duration. Since the introduction of railways and omnibuses, few horses | selves, and to avoid all rudeness and iasob bat too in the provinces.” are brought up to the stage, and the stage of Astley’s seems to be the| Zraminer has pounced upon the cause of our good-breeding. Our | most arduous stage of an animal’s existence. little Quzzw bows and smiles us into gentleness, and the QUEEN'S Though the poor creature was sane enough when he commenced | \finisters, “ moving about among us” in all directions, have a benign delineating the arduous character of the “ Wild Horse of the Desert,” we | infuence upon the crowd. Gopwis has well said, speaking of the can readily believe that he has been driven wild at last by over-exertion ; | . niversal operation of Suaxspeane, that even a Chinese Mandarin may and the insanity that used to be once feigned, may have become at last |}. in some sort humanised by the poe’, even t he shail never natural. Like the maniac in the song, he may now exclaim, with|).¥» heard of him. And. in like manner many an ish coalheaver terrible earnestness—" They ‘ve driven me mad!” No horse can stand | may be softened by the men of Downing Street, though he may not such continual nagging as this one has been subject to. | know their names. The shilling passed by Lory Jouy to a cabman see ~ a may carry with it a civilising touch—the penny vouchsafed by | PALMERSTON to a crossing-sweeper may fill the unconscious man with The French President and the French Press. | thoughts of pvace. A Sin Georce Grey may be cordial in a coster- - : 4 al ; | monger; and the radiant benevolence of a Can.isz be reflected from Atmost every day brings its triumph to Louis NaPoteon over the | , shoeblack. rae press. He bas a nest ad mtg ae Pw in he oN As the} - _ | Tyrian dye is a lost secret, so hopes the President to make his world . forget the printers’ black. In a few years, with the nephew of his uncle Brougham Himself Again. at the Elysée, men will have retrograded to scribes and parchment. In| DeticwTep are we with the evidences of Lonp Broveuam’s renewed | the meantime, a monument is to be erected to the glory of the President. | health. He has been the soul of hospitality at Brougham Hall; and— And as Naporow had statues of himself cast from the cannon he had | after a look in at the House of Lords—is off to winter at Cannes. He captured, so will Louis Naroizon have a colossal figure cast from the will there enter upon a course of boar-hunting ; not for any love of the _ types he has made waste metal. As the spoil of twenty battles was | sport itself, but merely to exercise himself for the severer sport of bunt- molten for the glory of the Emperor, so will the lead of twenty news-| ing the reform of the Law: for the whole boar in the forest is nothing papers commemorate the reputation of the President. | to the whole hog in Chancery. + — a — wr — S _ _ =~ — 2 _ — og —_ “ _ = — ~ - V OTS HH TA V A] "RT ri Fon

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 143 A RIVAL TO ROSE TAMISIER. q = = uwen has had his attention Sh ?, . called to certain miracles ‘ j Ye) performed in this country by — 2 @ young lady, which are quite as remarkable as those of Mapemoiserte Tami- STEk, and a good deal more credible. He feels certain that, after hearing them, the reader will no longer trouble himself about Rose, but will exclaim with Horace, “ Mitte sectari, Rosa que lecorum Sera moretur,’ and withdraw his attention from her at once. The young lady’s name is Erten B—. From her childhood there has been something peculiar about her ae a strange lustre of eye, and a peculiar tint and form of mouth, which marked her as one destined by fortune to make some im- pression in the world. While a child, it was observed that people loved to take her in their arms. Nay, when only nine, she cast a glance ata young gentleman, a friend ! — of the family, the effect of which was to make him abandon his hoop, | and quite withdraw fora time from his usual sports. And whereas the only thing” miraculous t the youth, previously, was the romptitude with which he converted of copper into lollipops, — turned his lollipops into gall ; into gal/, we say, advisedly, for he rejected them. con y, and, soon after, burst out crying. How did she achieve this last result? Simply by taking her parasol (she has been. known to do wonders with /4aé instrument), and walking away from the door, homewards ! But it was when Miss Extz~ B—— returned from school, aged seventeen. years and six months, that the exercise of her miraculous powers became most noticeable. Statues have been said to wink on various occasions; but what was the effect of Extzn on a block—head in H—— Street? She caused, by simply coming into the = _— rj figure to iall , and its eyes to ing. a degree of expression a bes ef whieh = one believed it capable! And the wooden figure in question afterwards would “imitate,” or nod—in what was conceived to be intended for a knowing manner—at the mere mention of her name ! Rose Tamister awoke a youth, we are told, through the medium of her guardian angel. But it is a well-known fact that our Ertew—b her mere influence, unseen, and absent—kept awake al! night a yout from Oxford, who had met her at an evening party. The same youth, A PRETTY KETTLE OF TEA! Blysian Farm, Sept., 1351. _ “Temp celebrated work, called ‘Cortage Ecovomy,’ of which | fifty million cogseswere sold in this country, and twice that number | in America, [ very sensible ions on the subject of ‘that ruinous and deta stuff, ¢ea, I proved to demonstration |* that it contains nothing nutritious; that it, besides being good for / nothing, has badness im it, because it is well known to produce want of sleep in many cases, and in ail cases to shake and weaken the nerves.’ But, notwithstanding the amount of information that I possessed on every subject, I little knew Aow much badness the body and soul destroying tea-trash contains, although my wonderful sagacity gave me | an ieunael persuasion that the quantity of the Porson must be immense, | And so, indeed, it turns out. Read the Lameot;and make your wife |and your daughters readit too, if they can be indueed to rea: anythin but foolish novels and unmeaning poetry. here they will see wit | what a delicate beve they wash down their dainty slices, or rather, shavings, of bread-and-butter. Prussiam blue, indigo, turmeric powder; China clay, Chinese yellow, tone, catechu—these are some of the less loathsome of the filthy and virulent and deadly Porsome, with which your éea, nasty and pernicious as it is in itself, is adulterated. Black lead, red, and carbonate of /ime or chalk, are o—_ in the list of rs and the 7imes, in —, menting-on Lancet’s: disclosures, says that, in a particular sort o this tewrubbish ‘there were found little lumps’ resembling what ladies, who fritter away their time in keeping silk-worms, would recognise as the sweepings of those insects’ cagess Other nice messes consist of what is called ‘lie tea;’ which is a hedge-podge of tea-dust and sand, made up with rice-water; a very fié mixture, with a ve suitable name, too, this ‘Lire Tega,’ to enliven a party of Ae = mongering old crones of an evening. | “As to what is called green tea, the greenness is a mere dye, com- municated by Porson. The stuff, moreover, sold as tea, is, in many cases, no such thing, but a parcel of leaves of the beech, elm, horse- chestnut, plane, oak, willow, poplar, hawthorn, and sloe, which, how- ever, | should say, are rather more wholesome than the thing which they are meant to counterfeit. Mixtures, indeed, called ‘La Veno Beno’ (whatever that means), and ‘The Chinese Botanical Powder,’ composed of sumach-leaves, wheat, flour, and catechu, are sold under the name of ‘tea-improvers,’ and may improve the tea for aught I know. ‘The commonest piece of tea-dealers ity, however, is that of mingling with the ‘genuine’ Chinese weed re-dried tea-leaves, and these are ‘ f ,’ to give them ‘abloom,” with dlack lead, as grates * Puen, j chalk, exactly as a ‘ bloom,’ when wauting, is imparted by ‘facing,’ to the faded cheeks of a scraggy, wrinkled, superannuated beldam of the aristocracy. ‘To be sure, if it were not for the black lead, and so forth, these ree an would be preferable to |at least, beem pretty weil stewed out of them. It is right that the | reader, and especially the lady reader, should know that they are prin- cipaily up of charwomen, whose perquisites they become, when are ‘faced;’ or they are ‘faced’ with rose pink, or vegetable red and | other, for the badness has, | | those old cormorants are employed in a ‘genteel establishment’ to | clean up the furniture, and scrub the floor, owing to the piggish indo- lence and sluggish laziness of the lounging mistress of the family and | | her lolloping daughters. | “ A Pp when he returned home, on that very evening assured his sister most farce, called Macheth, represents three old witches as compounding a firmly that he had seen an angel. his is-afaet to which dozens of his| diabolical mess, of which the ingredients are too nasty to be spesilied ; fnends are willing to depose ; indeed, his reiterated assurances of it had hyt [ will venture to say that the cauldron of those hags contains vecome rather a bore. When asked what sort of a figure it was, he nothing half so horrid as the contents of the 4eapot, which certain others replied—“ A gentle, stately figure, with dark hair, and deep blue eyes.” are accustomed to croak and mumble over. I would not have been so There can be no doubt that it was to the influence of Kiiuw B-—— that crye| as to force such a potion down the throat of Castiexeacn we must attribute his belief in that apparition. — hi ELLew bad Visions; and these were very variously represented—and | misrepresented by some people,—ladies, were wont to assert that she saw visions of herself, with her head senses, eh ? and over which your Missionary meetings and your serious encircled by a halo in use-among'the Englisit aristocracy on state ocea- families sit and soak? Por my part, | consider serious drinking to be sions, and called a coronet: that she loved to see herself in the state of’ g jess injurious habit than such guzzling as this. Bad as spirituous vision, encircled with a small kind of golden crown, bearing five is. liquors are, they are not so bad as Prussian blue and black lead, which Uthers add’ that she fancied herseif borne along in a sumptuous chariot. are worse than any spirits that inhabit the Shades in a quarter entirely But it is vehemently asserted by others that all her visions were of remote from the abode of objects of real beauty aud purity: Numberless were the phenomena which this young female produced. Her name appeared on the bark of trees, w put there, nebody knew. ‘Tears, visions, | hearts, were the ordinary results of her miraculous doings. If the ‘Tamistmm did wonders with cabbages,! Wy read that certain pawnbrokers have of late received bmshels of E.Lew sometimes prevented people from dining at all. .,| watches from people pledging:them for money to visit the Exhibition. Such was—or rather is—our countrywoman, ELiewx B—, a rival That watches should be disposed of for sack a rpose is a significant a LaMIsizR heeall sukonenedip the cause of much rivalry 10 proof that the Crystal Palace is not intended for a season, but—for —- | all time, Meng Cump’s Pray.—The Performances of the Barawax Infants} Hvusoun m Viewwa.—We learn that “the Humorist is to suffer Under the management of BaRNUM. |three months’ imprisonment.’ —Henee, in Vienna, rumour is no joke, a “Wx. Consett.” The Crystal Palace for Ever! y-writer of the name of Snaxerzanz, I think, in a Scotch mself, “And this is your ‘draught that cheers but not inebriates,’ is it ? generally, we believe. Some This is the drench im whieh your teetotallers:would have us steep our |

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PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

| making a long stay, the Hipp mus has wisely | | determined to smother ” ithe public favour with the new comer. jeonduct of both towards the Uran Utan is | beyond all praise, for they seem to have asked | | themselves, “Is he not an Ourangotang and a |

| brother?” and answering the question in the ‘affirmative, they have established a state of liberty, equality, and fraternity, which is quite detightful to contemplate. |

MODERN SEA-SONG. Harry, put the kettle on ; Let it stand a little on; Then we will settle on Our beam-ends to tea Cut the bread-and-butter, Dick ; I don’t like it very thick ; Tom, fetch the sugar, quick, And bring the bohea. Hand the cream ; now, pray, take care; A hand, too, with the teapot bear ; And if you ’ve the slop-basin there, Pass it to me. British sailors have a knack Of swigging down the green and black, Which colours in the union-jack Henceforth ought to be ; British sailors like to sip Their tea, instead of grog or flip, ‘The naval hornpipe whilst they skip Ashore or at sea.

(A SERIOUS DIFFERENCE OF DOCTORS. Tue London Pharmacopeia, just published, differs rather widely in some important points from that of Edinburgh and Dublin. The Vinegar of Colchicum of the Dublin is three times as strong as the same compound as prescribed in the London and Edinburgh. The st h of the | Vinegar of Opium in the Edinburgh is thrice what it is im the Dublin. The Edinburgh’s Prussic | Acid is twice stronger than the London and Dublin’s; and the solutions of Hydrochlorate of Morphia and Acetate of Morphia of the London, bear the same proportion to those of the Dublin | and Edinburgh. As these particular medicines are dangerous or fatal except in very small doses, the chances against a patient who has the mis- fortune to be prescribed for, according to one | Pharmacoperia, and compounded for according to | aaother, may very possibly be three, or two to | one ; a consideration, which cannot but suggest | the remark, that what is one man’s physic, may | be another man’s poison. |

The Truth is hard, but must be told. | Ewseoranp has been called “a Nation of Shop- | PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES.— No. 6. THE FIRST BALLOON ASCENT IN ann ge Since by fri ay oq —e , of the Lancet, by which i been prov: ENGLAND, SEPTEMBER 15th, 1784. the’ a | jy nine out of every ten poe 3 2 London VINCENT LUNARDI THROWING OUT A LITTLE BALLAST. ee pep epee re oH ars STS Se = —.— | of Shopkeepers,” but something more. In fact,

THE HIPPOPOTAMUS, THE ELEPHANT, AND THE URAN UTAN.|vwe are afraid that some new —o . : ? : : . Napotzon of Truth—will arise, and very politely We perceive by the announcements in feet that the little differences be-| tej} us, “You are not only a Nation or Suor- tween the Hippopotamus and the Infant t are made up, and that all professional KEEPERS, BUT oF Rocuss also! ” rivalry being set aside, they are advertised as exhibiting together in the Regent’s Park. | Lae et as it ty! be, and sets an example to other public performers, which the latter | PHILOSOPHY OF RAILWAY ACCIDENTS. wou Well to umitate. , ‘ ‘ , P Ma. Stentor will often refuse to play Richmond to the Duke of Gloucester of Mn.| It Js sai with to railway accidents, LeaTwEx.unes, and thus Richard the Third cannot be performed efficiently, though at the that “it is t a that kills.” This is particu- Zoological Gardens we have the Hi us a ing in conjunction not only with the | larly the case Companies go it too fast in Elephant, but side by side also with the Uran Utan—known familiarly as the Ourangotang. | the pursuit of profit. Considering the length of time during which the Hi us led the business, and gambolled ECE IEEE < , in his to repeated overflows, some allowance might be made for his jealousy of anew| Query.—Why is Honss like Rawmonun Rov! favourite ; but as the young Elephant has evidently brought his trunk with the intention of |—Because he has attacked the belief in Baamad. |if these dishonest practices = yawn in, APOLEON

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dents, rticu- ast im Ror? AMAL. S——$—— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 145 SMOKE-COMMUNICATION WITH AUSTRALIA. sd Tae ears of the delicate are A sometimes shocked by a cer- , taim vulgar, but expressive phrase; namely, “to choke off?” It is a metaphorical form of speech, evidently borrowed from the vocabulary of the sport called “canine” and, in . itsprimary sense, denotes the oovene act by which a dog, in fight- S ing or badger-baiting, is com- to let go his hold. justice, is pa ingenious in devising reasons for i this be true, the hedgehog ought to be borne a Such being the etymologi- months, by the Ca Hogs, at a speed of eight- -wlinif knots per hour; ing te the civie correspend- ridiculous,” as, probably, paragraph But what act of the Admi- ralty’s is not, and has not ~ ridiculous, and ridiculously simple? Did they not build war-steamers of cast-iron, without trying whether their rusty inven- tions would stand shot? and is it not notorious that their expe- rience of irony has alone deterred them from applying to the con- struction of line-of-battle ships the materials of the Crystal Palace? Nay, did they not, at one time, contemplate establishing a dockyard in Staffordshire, and building vessels of crockery ? To proceed, however—still ing in view the point in etymology. Facts and are not w here to prove the commercial importanee of the Australian etnies, sae the necessity of a steam communication. with them ; so that it will, of course, be under- stood that the absurdity of the Admiralty’s advertisement only consists in proposing a plan which would not at all answer the purpose. That the wishes of the colonists ought to be consulted, must also be evident ; and, because the Antipodes are our feet, there is no reason why they should be trampled on. Whereas—the /imes tells us— “ The public meetings of the colonists, which were almost confined to petitioning for steam commaniecation, and protesting against convict immigration, were answered by steady obstruction in the former case, and, in the latter. by the introduction into Van Diemen’s Land, during the past year, of no less than 2894 criminals.” This brings us back to the etymology of the phrase “To choke off,” which, though derived from the inferior classes of society, evidently expresses the intentions of ernment towards our Australian colonies. cal fact, the Admiralty issues | an advertisement for tenders | for asteam communieation to | Sydney, at intervals of two of Good! whiel.advertisement, accord- be cardinal wears a red one—is not, ps ent of the Times, “is looked | upon in the City as 4 will be by those whe see a want of connexion! in it, and’ will not. read om/touch in all for the explanation thereof. | strings “ plaited in truedove: mete” ( been for some time, simply | HERALDIC FRAGMENTS. A Yew incidental heraldic points are the fragments of this week’s article—crumbs from our heraldic table. Our memory is seme of — little facts, which we now bestow with due commentary on the reader. There are a few things used as “changes” very rarely ; odd articles of strange appearance—rarely “borne”—and, by-the-by, rather un- bearable. Such are gal-traps, for example. The Drummonps wear a mound semée with gal-traps.”” incautious young ladies. Not so. are now only known in Heraldry—weapons scattered about the field of battle to wound horses. It is clear that they were very dangerously | useful. The enemies who came galloping up suddenly, found that they had put their foot in it, with a vengeance ! , ple grifin, the tell us with a very amusing candour, is a| chimerical” creature. He is “with large ears and no wings.” But we are far from being sure that he is so very chimerical, alter all—if these be his proper distinctive characteristics. Poets and politicians of the deseription are still found in Rurope. And perhaps it is some real modesty that induces people who have no riglit to arms, to assume griffins, as they not unfrequently do. Pray be particular about ‘he ears, gentlemen! Punch begs it of you, as a favour. ee is ofr ie any ordinaries are raised above heir usual position. Brnow “ argent, three bendiets, enhaunced, gx/es”” —and very considerably he enhanced his family ingly. The reader will be surprised to hear that the homely “hedgehog” is borne in this noble seience of armorie. Old Guitiam, whe, to do him t If I and who loved heraldic animals as an Arab does his horse—says, “ the hedgehog signifies a man expert im gathering of substanes, exten - sively in this country—and, we may add, that the prickles of the animal ought to be very distinctly defined—to signify how difficult it. is toget at the “substance” which our “ expert” men gather. A Cap of Maintenance is an honourable cap, of crimson velvet generally. But a fool’s cap might with propriety be called so, iit maintained him as part of the furniture of his buffoonery. The cape maintenance is worn by nobility, and if the cap fits, of course they have aright to wear it. Is the public aware that “a cardinat’s hat, with strings, peudént! and plaited in true-love knots, the ends meeting in base, gules?” —axe honoured—wetL Lhe ares of Sclavonia?—Happy country—so kmewn to be the happiest amd most enlightened in the world! Why dessa miller weara white hat? is a question familiar to us fromthe pagesofJoz. But why miller d it, keep _ aod nowadays i er does 16, we are aware, to warm, wuuliiccmpen if the ential ith to Bane the warm—t, #, i hot water. But the orthedox amswer is not so No. cardinal wears the red hat to signify that he “ to shed hes if required, im the defence of iastical liberty.” —Beamsiful i course, the red colour never typifies the blood of other symbolises the episcopal claret. We have rarely seem our experieneesof blazoning, than the sweet ru for whieh see CLank’s . 105). was positively thw last notion that a cardimal’s hat lave suggested to us—or to else, we = detieronasly the strings intertwine, like the tresses: of the: Babylonian lady! Ti be sure, there are i of fresh from. dungeons of Italy, and other fabulous places, who would believe rather that they better symbolise—the ropes of the hangman and the knots of whips. This — be too absurd. As well ask us to believe GLapsTone ! F Ps it d i u 7 THE SCHOOLMASTER AT ST. ALBAN’S. meaTLy have we been delighted with the intelligence from St, Alban’s. Mx. Jacon Bert is an example to MPs. does not stalk his recess in the Highlands; or throw away himself at Baden-Baden. No: he goes down to his own borough— (whatever a man pays for ought to be his own) — and, busy in_ interests of education, he examines school-children : the little ones who, some day, will have the borough at their own disposal. We hear that many of the youngsters dis- - marvellous precocity. Babes and sucklings gingerbread alphabets the letters BRIBERY AND COR- RU PTION, eating the letters with a relish that delighted the hearts | of their parents. It was remarkable, too, that the letters thickest gilt were soonest swallowed. The “Court Newsman” Corrected. Tue Court Newsman tells us that “the Provce or Wares took his usual exercise, attended by Mx. Bracn.” We have authority for adding that study is not altogether sacrificed to recreation, but that, at a fittimg period of the day, “the Prince or Waxes did his usual One would fancy, from the name, that | €Xereise, superintended by Ma. Bracn.” these were a kind of Oe, ae to ensnare ~~ ‘ They are, or, rather, were—for a THE DUKE OF ATHOLL’S SHILLING. Tue North British Mail assures us that the Doxe or ATHort exacts one shilling a bead from every person taking a walk in his ground at Dunkeld. ‘his is rather dear; but the impost would he insupportable if his Grace insisted upon also shewing himself for the money. An Express Train for Ladies. Tre charms of English ladies were formerly so irresistible, that | they enjoyed what is called “an European reputation” for sweeping everything before them; but, at present, the only European reputation which English ladies enjoy, is—thanks to their long dr sweeping everything behind them. eel a ate ‘ 1 pamcoapter “po ilgili metre areata at em enely eet

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

Enough to Bring on Premature Decay !: We read that a Parliamentary Com- mittee has been sitting for the last seven years on Westminster Bridge. Now, as we all know what a very heavy thing a Parliamentary Com- mittee is, it cannot be much wondered at if the Bridge bas been regularly sinking under it. It says a great deal for the strength of the structure that it has not sunk long ago. But few metropolitan buildings would be able to stand up again, after a Parlia- mentary Committee had been sitting upon it for seven years. By-the-by, we wish the experiment could be tried, as soon as possible, upon the National Gallery—first removing the ictures to some place of safety. If Trafalgar Square is “the finest site in Europe,” it is a thousand pities it should have its sight weakened by such a tremendous eye-sore as the National Gallery. By all means get a Parliamentary Committee to sit upon it!

oe NS &

Tractarian Wiseacres. Because the Arcusisuor or Cay- | TeRBURY will not deny the validity | of the ordination of foreizn Protes- dine i Caayem, he? Puseyites = abusing him for a lati e THE NEW GROOM. | gentlemen who, in this instance, have Gentleman. “Do YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE Cane or Horses?” | discovered the latitude, are not very Boy. “ Wait, Stn, I nap ovent To—ror |’ve BEEN amoNGsT "em aLt my Lire.” ' likely to find out the longitude.

_s , r _ | PUNK’s quarter! No. 3, a full and particular account of the means by THE FITZFUNKS IN FRANCE. — he a and hm i by funded property, or by the Tue French President, taking especial care that no harm shall come | gnoble sweat of his brow or brain. No. 4, a certificate that he is a to the Republic, has given orders for a pon registry of that mis- | man of good conduct ; moral, peaceable, and obedient to the law, as by e : t ident English in | the President established. . . ae Sra ee Ac Te scat ahs | MR cn ont vk tems dw a conspiracy did exist—it is now crushed, like the broken egg of a) directed to go straight home and wait for a permis de séjour, a sort of cockatrice—to seize the person of Louis Naporzos, and to convey it | ticket of residence ; or for a notice to For two days was the far from France (the very island in the Pacific was confidentially named | household of the Firzruwxs in the most state of anxiety lest as the future prison) ; and this diabolic plot—we blush again as we write | they should not be permitted, by the benevolence of the government, to it originated in the circle of an English family! It would seem that remain and lay out their income upon the tradesmen of Paris. Once the hope, so darkly fostered, of the conspirators, was to bring back | f twice old Fimzrowk grew savage, and the dormant patriot awaken- Lepru Roxx at the very nick of the Presidential election. “ Rouge | ‘Bg in his breast, he clenched his fist, and looking up at the ceiling, gagne” was the secret password of the traitors! The plot had most muttered someting about shaking the French dust from his shoes, extensive ramifications, branching under the hearthstones of hundreds | betaking himself and Mrs. Firzrunx to lay their bones in Tadcaster. of the English. ‘Therefore, the President of the Republic can hardly be | Whereupon, Mas. Firzronxk—who is the most patient of creatures— accused of trepidation, in taking the strongest and most summary mildly requested her husband not to make a fool of himself, as the means of defeating the conspirators. Let the reader, hasty to condemn | President—(she had herself seen him salute one of the market-women) caution as pusillanimity, imagine himself now snug in cotton (gun-| — WS the most perfect gentleman, and, consulting the true interests of powder cotton) in the Elysée, an object of a people’s love, and of the | France, would do the thing that was proper. : embraces of the dames de a Halle, and—presto !—dropt upon an island | | After another day and night prose in the most terrible suspense, “far amid the melancholy main,” his rations raw turtle, cockles, and | Ma. Frrzruyx received from the Commissary of Police, his permis de cocoa-nuts! For ourselves, friends of order, we heartily thank the | #97. Yes; all honour to the enlightened policy of the President! French President for bis vigilance. We believe that he is every day | The English Firzrunxs are graciously — to spend every endearing himself to the ordained owners and masters of the human | farthing of their income in /a beile et bonne France ! race, the Fraycises, and Wittiams, and Fexpinanps, and Novos. | Though as yet a humble lay-brother, he is doing their work submissively and industriously ; and—who can doubt it ?—will have his abiding An Idea for Greek Street. reward. : . ’ ’ . . : Taene is a loud and general outery against the delay in constructing The family of the Frrzruwxs have long sojourned in France. Indeed, , tery del Turoraite Firzrowx and Evuatie Firzrowx were born in the Rue | PVPS! i wet for the metropolis. Old tod without eff =a 4 ee St. Honoré. Old Frrzruw« himself has forgotten half his English, and | S8?¢eded, and new commissioners appointed without effect ; but we in twenty years has learned just half his French. Mus. or Mapae Frrz- | ®8¥® 00¢ pian to recommend, which we think might answer the end so rUNK—she was the daughter of an attorney at Tadcaster—is foué-a-fait | much desired. Let the unt - —— meee Ne the poe bes. hog Francaise. Nevertheless, this respected family—(the Fitzrunxs have age am ot Ba pe on eee on th camel ts, or anyt —< , had their house twice gutted by two revolutions,)—have been compelled | ¥° ™4Y J84ge Dy their proficiency im the art o} draining our pockets. to wait a whole day at the gates of the Prefecture of Police to obtain | : leave and permission to remain in Paris, to have, in the event of Revo-| A Tittz ror Hosss.—“The Leviathan of Locks.” [We insert lution No. 3, their household gods once more turned upon the par¢. _| this out of respect for the learned Prelate from whom we have received Mr. Firzruwk has been required to arm himself with four humili-| it; but we must really ask him how many of the readers of Pusch does ating documents. No. 1, a rt! No. 2, a certificate of residence, | he sup are aware that Hopses, the metaphysician, wrote a work duly attested by the beneveltnd Osehasineea of Police, residing in Frrz- | called the Leviathan 7)

Peiated by Wiliam Bratbery of No. 18, Upper Wobure Place tn the Parish of St. Pancras aud Predorice Mullett Evans, or No.7, Chures Row, Stoke Newin both im the County of Middlesex, Primers, «t ‘nol OGce ia Lombard ‘ireet..o the Preemet of Whitetriare tm the @f Lados.and puriisned vy teem at No. G, Fleet Street, 'o the Parish | St. Bride's. in the Diy of Louden —Sasenmas, September 7:2, |

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SacRTaeastnene aT eT as || &SSSE285 Se is RES 1 FEe Ol ert red rk at tae », ial | | be to Heaven that we live in Beyroot ! PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | M7 cheeks pale, their eyes heavy—nev comely damsels, that AN INGLEEZ FAMILY. would fetch a round sum of piastres in the market. “ Why don’t you come sooner?” growls the Father. LL along, the Exhibition was explained to us|. “ They were at Lapy Porx’s, at Mus. Wat's, and were not home til! by a Frank Interpreter, who under- | four: the girls must have sleep, Ma. 5.” stands perfectly our language. |_ “Why do they go to those confounded balls?” asks Bnowx Among the Ingleez, he said, men| Errexpi. The Interpreter explains that a ball is a dance where are allowed but one wife: a hard many hundred women assemble. case, O Agas! for these poor women;| “They ought to be in bed at ten,” growls the House-father. for as the bard has remarked— | “We do go to bed at ten, when there is nothing at night, papa,” “When I am in a queer temper, Says the eldest. “We couldn’t live if we didn’t go to sleep on the in my hareem, I may beat Zvterxa | Off nights.” : ; with my slipper, but I smile upon|. “ You don’t wish them not to go into the world, I suppose, Mu. B. ? Lerta and ZceTupe. You don’t wish them not to get establishments? You don’t suppose “When Letia’s fatness becomes it is for my pleasure that I go about night after night with these poor disagreeable, then ZvTuse’s lean- things, whilst you are drinking with your male friends, or at your ness commences to be pleasing. clubs?” (The Interpreter explains that a Club is the Coffee-house of “When both annoy me, then little the Ingleez: they sit there smoking until late hours.) “ You don’t ZuLerKa resumes her reign; for —_— that J go to dances?” strawberries ripen at one season of nowN Evrenpt bursts into a laugh. “ Yow dance, Potty!” says the year, at another time figs, at| he. “Do I suppose the cow jumped over the moor ?” another time water-melons. But! “I wish Papa wouldn’t use those expressions,” says Miss Loxa to always strawberries would be weari- Miss Lota. — ; : ie some: as to hear bulbuls all day| Papa now sits with his face buried in HJ Tims, and when he has read would cause one to yawn. it (only in this Exhibition, or play, of course, the actor did not read the “Man takes delight in variety,| Whole of the immense sheet, or we should have sat till nigh!)—this as the bee sips of a thousand labour over, and his breakfast done, he goes away to Stee. flowers.” “That is the commencement of the day with thousands of English So, for any poor creature to be| Effendis in Lundoon,” the Interpreter explains. “ He rises at eight, subject always to the caprices of| He shaves. He meets his family: kisses them, but rarely speaks, one man, is cruel on her; as to| except to swear a little, and find fault. Hereadsthrough H/ Zims, He compel one man to have but one/|gives money to the Khanum. He goes to the Stee: where his ' wife, as amongst the Ingleez, is a counting-house or office of business is, and which is often a long way tyraony unheard of amongst civilised from his house. He goes on foot, while his wife has a chariot.” nations like our own; and we may| “That I can understand,” says Poor Atter. “A man will not thank our stars that we do not live jallow his womankind to go out except in an Aroba, guarded by the in Lundoon, but Beyroot. slaves. Even an anbeliever is not such a fool as that.” If all the old women among the) “ Youare in error, O Effendi,” raid the Interpreter. “The women Ingleez are no better-looking than the | are free to go _whithersoever they please. They wear no veils, They one whom AxBoo Bosna showed to us, | go about the City unprotected, save by a male servant, and even he is I do not envy the elderly gentlemen | not necessary. They frequent the shops, and bazaars, and public of that nation, and can quite under-| gardens. I have seen ten thousand in the Spring time basking in the stand their habitual ill-humour. gardens of Kensington. | In the first part of the play ap-| “O my eyes! I will go there,” said Poor Ate, stroking his beard, ‘ this old woman,the Khanum of | that sly rogue. the house, or “ Misseez,” as the Interpreter says she is called; her two| “They are to be seen everywhere,” continues the Interpreter, “ and daughters, Lota and Lota; her son, the young Aga; and the Father of at home, too, receive men into their houses.” the family, called Brown Evvenvi. | “This, I suppose, is one,” remarked a looker-on. “ He is splendid ; he Brown Evrenpt is fifty-five or six years old. He is tall, and of a is tall; he has richly-carved buttons on his coat. He takes up the silver portly shape, and, like all the elderly Ingleez, is bald: nor bas he the | urn. Is this an officer of the Suitaun ?” decency to cover his baldness with a couple of caps, as we do, but) “That?” lt” Fn appears with his shining pate without any shame. | “That is a servant,” said the Dragoman. “ He is bringing breakfast His wife is two or three years younger; they must have been for the young Effendi, who comes down later than the rest of the family.” married these thirty years: no wonder that they quarrel together,“ That,” cried Poor Autes, “a servant? Why, he is a pearl of eaaely, and that the Kffendi is tired of such an old hag ! He is a Roostum. He is strong, tall, young, and lovely. Does an old The Interpreter explains that it is the beginning of the day. A Ingleez allow such an Antar as that to walk about in his Hareem ? table is set out, covered with a snowy damask cloth, with urns and Psha! friend Interpreter, you are joking. e vases of silver for tea, cups of porcelain, one for each of the family, It is even so, Sir,” said the Dragoman. “ So strange is the pride bits of roasted bread, hot cakes, meat, boney, and butter. ‘This meal of certain classes of the Ingleez, and so barbarous—blasphemous, | had the Ingleez of distinction take in common. An Effendi often does not most said—their notions with regard to rank, that the aristocracy behold his family (always excepting the old hag of a wile) except at among the Ingleez take no more account of the persons below them, than that hour, your honour does of the black slave-boy who fills your pipe. And of “ Before the girls come do and you go away to the Stee, Mr. ‘ate, one of the lootees—or buffoons among the Ingleez—acquired no Buows,” says the Misseez, “will you have the goodness to give me Smal! share of popularity, and received from his bookseller ten thousand some money? Look at these bills.” pieces of gold, for a book of jests, in which a servant was made the “ Jehannum take the bills !” roars out Brows, rising up and stamp- principal hero, and brought to live among Lords and Agas—the point ing. “Can’t you let a man read his newspaper in quiet ?’ of the jest being, that the servant was made to feel like aman. O Allah! read his newspaper in quiet! {t is an immense sheet, as| Here came in the young actor who, the ete said, represented big as the Capitan Pasha’s mainsail. I should think it has as many |the Son of the house. He drawled into the apartment, nodded ters and lines as the Koran itself. The Interpreter says, every, languidly to = ope kissed his mother’s forehead, and sank into the ngleez reads a paper every morning—it is called in their lan , vacant chair by his sisters. ; El Tims—from beginning to end, every day, before going out. Praise, He called to the servant. “Jom!” he said, “ pale ale.” “ My love!” said the Mamma. , “Well, don’t swear at a woman, Mz B.,” she says; “don’t swear| “ Tell the cook to devil some dam thing,” continued the youth. | when the children and servants are coming in. How can I help t, if| “My darling!” said the old lady. | the house is expensive ? I lived in a better, before I came to yours. “ Hot coppers, Ma’am!” said the young man, pulling a little tuft of My mamnma— | hair on hischin. “ Keep sad hours—know Ido. Out on the crawl till Confound your mamma! How much is it?” says Brow Errewnt;| five o’clock this morning. Last thing I weckolect, shandy-gaff. and drawing a paper from his pocket-book, he writes an order to his| “You'll kill yourself, child!” cried Mam ma. _ +- vt Po much money “So much the better for brother Dicx. Youth is the season of : ters now come in—there was a great sensation among us, enjoyment. © dam! what a headache L’ve got! ‘Gather ye roses especially im that rogue who sate by me, Poor ALLEE, who is always on| while ye may.’ Youth is the season of pleasure.’ ‘he look-out for almond eyes. virgins were young and fair, of} “ What sort of pleasure?” asked one of the sisters. line shapes seemingly, wearing a sort of loose gowns buttoned up to the} “ Well—I think it was with two cabmen off the stand, at Bos neck, with little collars, and little caps, with little ribbons; their|Cwort’s,” said the young man. It’s not very good fun, but it’s VuL, XXI, Q oper atiiemeey POs homo iy neds - Pid See oe pre

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148 PUNCH, OR THE | DNDON CHARIVARL | better than those dam balls that you go to every night. Here comes | the breakfast.” And the curtain-bell ringing, the first part of the entertainment was over. During the interval, the Interpreter continued to explain to us the manners and customs of this queer people : and the curtain again rising, showed us a view of the Queen's Palace (before which there is a figure of a Lion and Unicorn, which makes one die of laughing) ; the Courts of Justice; the Castile of Windsor, which seems, indeed, a vilion of splendour in a rose-garden of delight; and an immense hole ered under the sea, the dark appearance of which made Poor ALLER shudder. And now, having seen the Ing'eez in the morning, and heard how the men pass the day in their offiees and couating-houses, the women in the shops buying, in their carriages, in the gardens, visiting one another, and receiving company at home,—the Dragoman said, “ We shall show them as they are dressed of an evening, expecting visitors | for the even'ng.” ; | The curtain drew up. Brows Errexpt was now dressed with a) white band round his neck, that made his eyeballs start out of his| head, and his red face blaze like the standard of the Sultan. Mas. | Brown appeared so changed since the morning, that you would not | know her, and Poor Attex (that rogue) said, “O my eyes! the old! woman to-night looks quite young, and | always liked a stcut woman.” | They stood one on each side of the fire-place—the Loterpreter said, in | the attitude of receiving dinner-com pany. Scuauy, the servant, came in with a rote on a silver salver. “It’s from Wace,” said Baown Errenpi—“d—n him! he says | he’s ill; but he’s asked by a lord, and has thrown us over. Take away | one cover, Jouy.” How splendidly attired now is this Scuaun! His costume of the | morning 1s nothing to that which he now wears. A white coat barred | with gold lace ; a waistcoat of red and gold: shulwars of plush, the colour of butter-cups—and has he grown grey since the morning? No, he bas put powder into his hair. He 1s beautiful to behold; a k is not finer. | And now, who enter? Who are these two houris? Who are these | moon-faced ones, with the lustrous ringlets, the round arms, the shining | | shoulders? The heart beats to behold them. Poor ALLE®’s eyes brighten| | with rapture. They are the damsels of the morning, Lota and Lota. “ This is the habitof Ingleez damsels,” says the Interpreter, with rather | asly look. “ All day they cover themselves up, but at night, because it is cold, they go with very little clothes, They are now going to dinner ; they will then go to a concert; they will then drive fo a ball or dance.” “ But a ball, of course, only amongst women,” said his Excellency | Paroosn Pasua, Governor of Beyroot, who was smoking his kaboon in| a box near the stage. } | “Among women, excellent Sir! There are men, too. If there were} = men, the women would stay at home. This is the way that the ngleez——’ “ Silence, shameless!” roared out his Excelleney. “Kuistar Beco! Carry my women home this moment. Stop the Exhibition! All the | principles of morality are violated. Women in that dress show them- selvestomen! Never! or if they do, it can only be amongst barbarians, | and such a fact must net be known in a avieed country. Hapsee | Anoo Bosn! this part of the Exhibition must be no more represented, | under pain of the bastinado.” And his Excellency flung out of the room in a passion, and the Exhibition ended abruptly. As for Poor ALLee—that rogue—he has gone off to England by the last Peninsular and Oriental steamer. | A BOLUS FOR BAD JUDGES. Rerort says it is intended by the Coliege of Physicians, who are daily making such valuable contributions to science, to establish a Chair of Psychological ‘Therapeutics, or Medicine as applied to moral | and inte'lectual diseases. A malady which bas recently exhibited itself more conspicuously than usual in a sister profession, that of the Law, | has, it is stated, oceasioned the design. Judicial wisdom has lately | been doing its best to nullify Lonp Campseti’s Act, by declaring it cannot see how pecuniary compensation can be assessed for the loss— | by a wife or chiidren—ot the parent or husband who earn their bread, | and by whose loss they lose so much a year. Judicial wisdom, never- | theless, can estimate the amount of damages due for a broken heart, | when the breakage is involved in a breach of promise of marriage. It sometimes puts them at a rather high figure when the heart itself | is a mere fiction of law. It rates them, perhaps, at some buadreds of pounds, when the heart alleged to have beea broken is the hypothetical property of a Miss fresh from a boarding-school, and the heart-breaker a rich old fool. There is plaimly, then, something the matter with Judicial Wisdom. Its eyes are in fault. It can only see things by the light of precedent. It is purblind, and squints. What a blessing would be an extract or infusion of euphrasy, that should purge and purify }t toa sound vision! ‘To discover some such remedy, and other cures for ailments of the inner senses, is the object of the College of Physicians in establishing the Chair of Psychological Therapeutics, A| learned professor of that branch of science has already, it is said, invented some Prejudice Pills, and Emoilient Pectoral Ointment ; strongly recommended by the faculty to their Jegal brethren, and | especially to the elder members of the Bench and the 7 fallacies have become chronic, through sedentary occupation and want of exercise. It is known that blue pill will often cure blue devils: why not expel other evil spirits? How do we know that oxide or chloride of mercury would not have cast the demon out of Nero, or that Bompa might not be exorcised by a course of taraxacum? Black bile may be the cause of more atrocities than you imagine. Of course, the principle of psychological physie may be extended, and the progress of discovery may enrich the Materia Medica with sedatives for envy, sialagozues for hatred, expectorants for malice, and diaphoretics for all umcharita bleness, together with stimulants of all the cardinal virtues. __ It is to be hoped, at any rate, that the Professor’s Pilia and Ointment will rectify that derangement of common sense and disorder of moral perception, with which certain Judges appear to be so sadly afflicted. E BISHOPS. ERTAINLY the Ecelesiasti- cal Commissioners have treated the Bishops as if they were no better than common men, with souls tinged with the jaundice of filthy lmere, ‘This we hold to be a seamdal. All Bishops appointed after the 1st of January, 1848, are aceountable to the Commission; and, as w: think, im the most inde cent manner, are liable ‘o be pulled up om poimts of vulgar arithmetic, hke money-takers on a turn- ike trust. Fortunately, owever, for the dignit of the rch — whieh we hope we w the money of the Esta blishment—there are not many ps open to the insolence of the Commis- sion. How few, in comparison. are Bishops of three years’ growth! Thus many years may elapse ere the whole bench can be subautted to the indignity offered to the Bishops of 1848. Again, what chances may in the interim occur? Beautiful and provident is the dogma attributed to Pater—‘* Never pay money antl oon can help it; some- thing may happen :”—A bit of wisdom even worthy of a Bishop; espe- cially of certain Bishops translated prior to 1848. Again, the Commissioners commit a gross affront, when, in the matter of fines, they will not suffer the renewing lessee to pay the amount into hands episcopal ; but into the treasury of the Commission itself. There is a doubt implied in this order cruel and scandalous to the reverend body. For when did a Bishop refuse to pay, even fo the | last farthing—and something in superflux—to the Ecclesiastical Com- mission,— whose new orders in the matter of fines and recoveries smack of the vulgar distrust of the coarse and the profane. It is with pain we confess it; but the published determination of the Ecclesiastical | Commission, for the fature conduct of the reverend bench, has a sort of charge of constructive embezzlement. The Spaniards have an uncharitable proverb, touching the weakness | of folks in peeuniary trust :-—‘‘ It is with money as with oil; some of it always sticks to the fingers of those who measure it.” Now, this hard es may apply to the money-taker at a toll; but hardly to 3 Bishop: to a Fulham turnpike-man, but not a Fulham shepherd. MAMMON AND TH “ There's Poison in the (Tea) Cup!”— amiss Mother. Tere is a spurious tea sold, called “lie tea,” which is simply tea-dust and sand made up with rice-water. Thus, when a lady enters a grocer’s shop, and asks for a pound of “ genuine” tea, the worthy grocer smiles, and thinks nothing of deliberately giving her the “lie.” The Grocers may almost be called “THe Poisosers or THe NINE- Teenta Centvay.” Lf they continue in their present deleterious practices, they should be classed with Chemists, and prevented from selling green tea, as Chemists are prevented from selling arsenic. In short, we now move—and we hope some influential Member will seeond | our motion next session—that “The Act for the Prevention of the Sale of Poisons” be applied most stringently towards Grocers, or else, our | word for it, we shail not have a single washer-woman alive next year! | ir, whose | whose consciences are indurated |

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—— aid, | nt and Lose tpel mury ght the e of ery ues ent oral asti- lave s if -han Ouls dice we All fter 848, | we nde- e ‘0 s of Lke urn- ery, ol ys tae not the mis- rth! d to gma yme- spe- the $100 is to the rack pain Lical sort of hard 0 3 dust ers INE- PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 149 THE MONKEY TRIBE OF THE METROPOLIS. | Awonc the mamers and customs of the pre- sent day, there is none more startling than a| PUNCH AND HIS CORRESPONDENTS. E are not surprised that there should practice that has lately grown up among the | neral desire pervading children in our stree‘s—if anything can be said | whole world of to be grown up which is met with nowhere but | those who can wield a in the juvenile of the community. The pen, to get a joke into practice to which we allude is that of in‘ro-| y ; for, to be the | author of one short line in that periodicai is higher honour than to boast of a connection with the longest line of illustrious ancestors. ' Feeling the power we possess, of conferring immortality on the smallest emanations from the humblest ink- stand, we are obliged to use it very cautiously ; - and though we should be delighted to contri- bute to the happiness of all our correspondents at once, by admitting something from each of ducing the feats of the Bedouins into the public thoroughfares ; for it is impossible to enter town by an omnibus from any suburb, without having the vehiele accompanied by a parcel of children whirling round on their hands and feet by the side of the wheels, after the pattern set by the Arabs at Batty’s Hippodrome. It is really a lamentable thing to see so many children thrown upou their own hacds at such a very tender age, | and venturing so near to the wheels, that the omnibus seems threatening every instant to| “~~ /_ do the work of the car of Jucounnaut. We) cannot think what kas got into the j juvenile : : : . populations heads, that they should select that them inte our imperishable eolumns—the portico to the true temple of Pame—we regret that | very unusual portion of the body to stand upon. | ne The str: > aie along the Westminster gratifying our benevolent desire. : Road would faney that the world bad been, We have at this moment before us a perfect Mont Blanc—we might truly say a Mount tuned upside down, so many would he meet Blank, as far as their value is conesrned—of correspondents’ letters; and we put it to the with their heels where their heads ought to be. | ¥orld—we put it to the writers themselves, in thew lucid intervals, (if they ever have any,) Progress is an excellent thing, no doubt, bat we whether we should not be compromising our high position by mixing with the brilliauts do not sympathise with the advance that is being \of Punch the pieces of rs—of which we will give one or two specimens :— there is scarcely ever—certainly mot mo.ec than once in five million times—an opportunity of | daily made m such arts as running up inclmed| Number One is from an individual signing himself “Young England,” who may, perhaps, | panes on bails, jumping about on the ground | put in a plea of infancy, to save himself from liability on account of the fallow enormily. ke a frog or toad, and going round on the | Phe agey suiging tareustenet to ask us— ; . se ae ian eet a a aes ther at tn“ Why is'« beefatesk like a locomotive engine?” And he has positively dared to add the nen.” -cur Gupdern eteedt boys will become the reply — Becanse it’s of little use without it’s tender.” prozenitors of a race of India-rubber Ineredibles,| Number Two is from a verbose caitiff, who has not the courage to attach a signature to | New Cut Arabs, or Lambeth Acrobats. We) his dastardly attack on our patience. He writes us two long pages about an alleged j ke, suspect that what are absurdly called the | perpetrated by an apceryphal hairdresses, on a fabulous old gentleman who has married a “ Drawing-Room Ente-tainments,” introducing | mythical young lady,—the whole party baving been, no doubt, trumped up, to form the data the eontortion of infancy into all sorts of | for our assailaut’s truampery. ‘The “joke” consists in the pretended remark of the apocryphal | most painful positions, have given rise to that hairdresser on bis fabulous customer, that the latter has “ the patience of a block ;” aud the mania for acrobatising in the streets, which | cailiff who sends it to us finishes with these atrocious words :— preenve A —— ba Ag pases vee her) « [ am fully confident the witticism, and any illustration you may give to it, will cause aurchin is standing on his head or his heels | merriment to your readers.” when we see him in a public thoroughfare. , , , | Merriment! Reader, have you lauzhed? Do you think you can ever smile again after our artist by the base suggestion, might he not break his pencil, chop up his wood, or lay AMERICA AT FAULT IN IRELAND. | his head hopelessly on the block, and withdraw from the world, refusing henceforth to draw | for it? Tue American Ambassador, in his zeal to be . , , , : , : Though bad begins, we are sorry to say that worse remains behind; for Number Three to Ireland, bas overshot the mark, and bas, therefore, been piously rebuked by the nominal! - Axcnpisuor or Tuam. Ma. Lawrence, in} uncontrollable, It runs as follows :— answer to a Galway address, begged to be per-| “A CuaLtence To Att Nations.—Shame a Railway Director.—Mr. Puneh, If you can nitted to hope great blessings for Ireland; and make anything of the above, it is at your service. “ Yours “ Sugan.” me of these blessimgs—the Bible. Yes: in a ; a : hasty moment the American hoped that “all! We turn from SuGar, with the bitterness of excessive disgust. Irishmen would be instructed in the book which! Number Four proceeds from one who, with remarkable rashness, has actua'ly given his real al! Christians revere.” UponthisJoun M‘Hate name and address, and who “begs to hand” us what he terms “ a few Enigmas, with the nforms the imprudent diplomatist that this onee | answers, for insertion in our journal.” this melancholy exhibition of human imbecility ? Give it an illustration! Were we to ineult | outrages all our best feelings, and excites all our worst to a degree of irritation almost ¢ is forgiven for the impropriety : he was doubt- The novelty of those Enigmas consists in the fact that the answer is the most-enigmatical — less taken by surprise. Henceforth, however, no more émpromptu replies; but well-considered, * ,, ,.. : ‘ , cut-ard-dried answers, in which there shall be| “ Why is the Crystal Palace like the Moon ?—Because it’s borrowed.” no word about the Bible: a book not to be vul- We were not aware that the moon was merely out on hire; but probably our correspondent, garised amongst the ignorant laity. Bishops,| who lives more immediately under the moon’s influence than ourselves, may know more of if you please; but no Bible. When Terirer— its arrangements. But will any one believe that the following has actually been committed to who, as Louis tue Pourrzewrs’s Confessor, paper, as one of the “ few enigmas” ? had charge of the royal soul, which, to royal satis-| aw) - 5» 9 Tell.ink? T ” 7 ge ol y , ‘ | , ‘ >. Because it ( , -un) We.Lixeton. faction, he fitted for its future flight—when Why is Punch so highly esteemed | Be bea Wehake a . leLtren was opposed by a citation of the doc-| The man who would assai! another with such a dastardly blow as this, deserves—but we part of them. The following is an example :— trines of Sarst Pau and Sarst AvcGustin, he | cannot say what he deserves, for our Crimmal Code is happily too merciful to enable us to | was—|like M‘Hate—vebement in his wrath. | extract from it any adequate punishment, Sant Pact and Saint AuGustix,” exclaimed) Quy readers will admit that we have gone far enough for one day; and as lunatics can | - Jesuit, “were hot-headed fellows, who, iD see the insanity of others, though they are not aware of their own calamity, we believe that Bat a, — «4 —_ oe Tete the | oar correspondents, having seen the specimens here pat forth, will acquiesce in the justice of .. ust as—in tiese Gays—the LELLIEKS | 4 general exclusion of all such effusions from our columns. of Ireland would thrust the Bible into a| “ dust-hole. | Tre Discrace To DowsxtxG Srree?.—Our South African and other Colonial Dependencies Hovsesory Woxrns.— “Mamma! I want) give us a great deal of trouble. Joun Buwt should remember that when a family of children some more bread and butter.” turns out ill, it is too generally the fault of the Governor. EEE Beas amt a SE Se ea TR ee perry he oO oho —_

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iy vee ae wt i} i ’ a | i \\ \ GOOD WINNING HANDS. Tae American leg is ikely to have such a suc- cessful run, that an inge- nious inventor is trying his hand ata false arm; for he declares that enterprise and talent can always find elbow- room. There is no doubt that if he succeeds in pro- ducing the article he con- tem and can offer a zood practicable arm, the public will take him by the nand with the utmost cor- diality. The Railway Com. panies will be excellent cus- tomers, for their difficulty has always that a man has by nature only one pair of hands, while a railway servant is expected to do the work of at least twenty. If by any new invention the directors may be able to take on an unlimited number of extra hands without em- ploying one additional man, the great — will be i of getting the work of some ten or a dozen pair of hands performed for a : Another branch of the ex- A PROBABLE INCIDENT IF THAT BLOOMERISM ISN’T PUT DOWN. Maid. “ ly vou Pugasz, Miss, raz DagesmakeR Has BRouGHT Home rour New—anem—Faock! AUSTRIAN JEWS AND THE AUSTRIAN LOAN. THE CAPTAIN SMITH OF PROTECTION. nere is agrim bit of humour in| A» M. P. bold, but rather lax, who led the county martyrs, the Jewish Chronicle, in a \etter | Deceived Protection, who put trust in corn at high-priced quarters ; froma Jew, bearing date, Vienna, | His tricked supporters smited him ; he lost adherents daily, Sept. 15. It touches on the Aus-| Who took to calling “ Rat” if he appeared; and hiss’d Disnazx. trian Loan. The Jews — says Ob, Disnazir! unfortunate Disraeit ! the droll Israelite—would have Oh, Disrazit! unfortunate Disrazi ! nothing to do with the loan of | £38,000,000, because they feared | future persecution. Where- u the Government assured the Jews that they would be left in the enjoyment of their pre- sent liberties. “Sines this assurance, the rich | Jewish bankers of Vienna have ex- | erted themselves with ail their might in aid of the loan. This is an im- portant fact in Jewish history.” A very im t fact, and very illustrative of the Hebrew mind. But let us proceed : “Prom this ean learn that the acquisition of civil and religious liberty is in their own power, if they will but Aeve moral courage enough to exert the power | they possess—holding, as they do, the purse-strings of Europe.” } There is a fine philan in this; an enlarged sense of the! blessings of religious liberty. If the synagogue may stand, money will be supplied for the destruction of Christian cities: if the halter be kept from the neck of the Hebrew, the Hebre gemo-ciinge of Europe to buy any number of halters for the lungary. Certainly, “an important fact in Jewish history ! patriots of | "—as the St. Pancras Vestry- “ War! it’s a stupid way we've got came to pave the New Road with man said, when asked how they Wood. w will undraw the | | Braca. | the Usher of the Black Rod will follow. One night, as he lay wide awake, in terrible dejection, To think of the mistake he made in flirting with Protection, Apparelled in a rural smock, with cheek of turnip Rely: Its Ghost stepped up to his bedside, and cried, ‘ o, Disnagii!” Oh, Disnaziur! &c. “Thongh [ be dead and buried, I be come again to haunt you ; Deserting of me as you did, |’ve got a right to taunt you; | little thought that ever you’d behave so mean and scaly, When first you came a-courting me, you naughty Baw Disrazui!” Oh, Disrazti! &c. Says he, “ With our constituents we accounts at last must all close ; You'll find my farewell speech in my worn-out Bucks-skin small clothes; Take that, and bother me no more.”—The Ghost then vanish’d gaily, Crying, “ Blest are we in parting with our Member, Bew Disaazui!” Oh, Diszazur! &e. Outgrowing the Rod. Tue Standard informs us that “ Ma. Bincu has resigned the si of preceptor to the Parncz oy Waxes.” The fact is, that his Rorat Hicuwess has grown to such a height, that he is very properly considered to be too tall for the discipline of Now Bracn’s occupation at Court is gone, perhaps that of + A Sunczon writing to the Times, asks if there is a deserter. We beg to inform him that we know that if there is any it must be a brand new one. law for no such law,

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om- Cus- uty man pair way do nty tion e to aber em- nan, be the zen 1 for p eX- false iblic for ; wo w of d up dd of me & #8, *. ¥,.* "wy ims i > ? ~ THE GHOST OF PROTECTION APPEARING TO MR. DISRAELI.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 153 Testimonial, No. 2. A SCHOOL TO FORM SCOLLARDS. “ Mn. Duwvr presents his compliments to the Inventor of the Hydro- F uxcn thought he should| Electric Chain, and begs to thank him for—what he never enjoyed a never hear again of the edu- | before—a pleasant interview with a creditor. Mr. Dunvur, hav cational establishment at | Observed his tailor coming up the court, felt one of his usual attacks which instruction in “man- 2¢Tvous depression coming on, and was about to shut his outer door, ners” formed an extra of When he was induced to try the effect of the Hydro-Electric Chain, “tuppuns moor.” It has Which he found so marvellous, that he was not only able to face, but turned up once more, how- |¢ven to threaten to kiek down stairs his unfortunate creditor. As ever. The subjoimed adver- | Mx. Duwvup has several bills coming due very shortly, he will feel | tisement, at least, can hardly |Obliged by a dozen of the Hydro-Electrie Chains, to enable him to , >» relate rs —_ other Aca, | meet the bills —or rather the presenters of the bills—with becoming | demy :— fortitude.” B SCHOOL, con. ducted by , MA, SONG FOR HARVEST-HOME. Adapted (0 the Improved System of Agriculture. Now harvest is carried and hous-ed at last, And we’re met to partake our accustomed repast ; There ’s all hands of us here that’s employed oa the farm, And a cup of good ape wun't do us no harm, Member of 8t. John's, Cambridge, and Light able and experienced Masters. Members limited and select. Term divides on the 29th | inst. The best parts of public! education are retained, and the | ~ Ghjectionable disearded, Three | young Gen’ jemen finish their edu- cation this Michaelmas: one the a e Nephew of a Solicitor holding a Tol de rol, under Corporation of London, and Cousin to an eminent Queen's = the other, son of an eminent Stock-broker ; the third, a Merehant, Me has | Here ’s a health to our master, the founder of our feast, two of Vacancies filled by the Sonof a Physician, who places his Son because he Two pound of fat bacon a head at the least; is acquainted with 2 late Pupil of 4s, who is about to take honours at the Lourion | Likewise for each man haif a gal’n of strona beer : Univessity ; and the other by aC an’s Son, who is a Rector. References to a rales 8 ’ Preneh Gentleman in Paris, whose will also leave B——— for France shortly. Yet our harvest-home wun’t ruin master this year. These Parties the Principal will cheerfully refer any parent or Guardian to as to Tol de rol, &e. their Bdueation, Domestic Comforts, Sound Health, Prineiples, and the of haraeter and Disposition, which cannot be done with large and indiscriminate numbers. Though many ’s the labourers that he entertains, Terma moderate. There ’s very few on ’em as ever complains ; aw a , P : . More work and less grumbling | never did know ; Dotepesun pw Ae! a od be this ee — a / On So let’s drink to ~ master, and mistress also. rion. Be John’s, Cambridge, or Blank School? What are the objectionable ol de rol, &e, ic education 9° parts of public that are discarded? The parts of speech, in The like of our ploughmen you never see before, matical arran seem rather likely to be discarded by the Doing ten times in one day what took three, or more ; Card who conducts the at Blank. Of the three young gentlemen | Just to keep their pot bilin’ is all they requires— | who finish their education this Michaelmas, is the first mentioned nephew Works from morning till night—yet not one ever tires. of a solicitor, and aiso cousin to a Queen’s Counsel ; or is it the solicitor Tol de rol, &c. who is the Queen’s Counsel’s cousin? Is the third really a merchant ? There ’s our sowers, and thrashers, and winnowers likewise: —this must be a commercial school indeed, if so. Has the merchant I warrant our mowers would also surprise ; , —that is to say, the young gentleman, if the young gentleman isa But what, most of all, would a st confound, | merchant—two of the vacancies filled by a physician’s son? How can Is to see how our reapers gets over the ground. the physician’s son fill two vacancies? How can the merchant have Tol de rol, &c. even one of the vacancies filled by the physician’s son, if it is the physi- . | cian who places his son? Does a lace his son because his son is acquainted with a late pupil of Dr. Bian x's, or because he himself has that advantage ? two of the vacancies are filled—-no matter how—by the physician’s son, is the other, apparently described as filled by a s son, the third; and are there only three? Is One reaper of ourn, mun, will rip e’er a field, And the largest of crops it can possible yield ; He euts, and he binds, and he pitches the sheaves : And here is confusion to them that deceives. Tol de rol, &. it true that the ’s son isa rector? Of how many parties does the French gentleman, to whom we are referred, consist? And is it for information touching their own education, &c., simply, that we are referred to the parties constituting the French gentleman? Lastly, what is it that cannot be done with and indiscriminate numbers ? —the whole business of education as conducted at Blank School, or the formation of character and disposition ? The terms of the Blank master are stated to be moderate— considered in the relation which forms language, they may rather be deseribed as low. They certainly make very imperfect English, if they do not, indeed, make perfect nonsense. Yet Dr. Biayx’s style is not exactly foreign; on the whole, it would seem to be Irish; that is to say, such Irish as might be expected from a successor to the original Insh Tutor. | NO MORE LOW SPIRITS. Somesopy has invented an article ealled “a Hydro-Electric Chain,” to be worn by nervous individuals. It is to be worn round the neck, | and is to have the iastantaneous effect of raising the spirits, dissipating de ion, and neutralising every feeling of nervousness. e have no doubt we shall soon be inundated with Testimonials after the following fashion :— Testimonial, No. 1. | But searce would folks credit the tale I relates, If | told ’em how little we drinks and we ates ; Six pound of fat bacon, six quarts of strong beer, Though we ’ve all had enough, is the whole of our cheer, Tol de rol, We mates, that our master maintains in employ, Amounts to no more than two men and a boy ; The rest is Machines, strange although it may seem, And the chief of his servants is osses and steam. Tol de rol, &e. When the gentlefolks dined at the fat cattle show, They once used to drink to the Labourer, you know; But, since such a vast alteration there’s been, I suppose that henceforward they ’ll drink the Machine, Tol de rol, &. Success unto farming !—come ? me, you two; For [ can’t say, all round; and I likes to spake true. And to think | should ever a barvest-home see Where the whole of the party is Engines but we! Tol de rol, &e, I Wish I did Know a Bank. | | | | | | | “ Sir,—Having a motion of course to make in the Court of Queen’s| Some of the Proprietors of Bank Stock are very angry with the | Bench, [ suffered so severely from nervousness, that [ could not utter a Direetors for their prudent determination to keep in hand a large | word. Happily the Usher observing my distress, lent me one of your amount of “rest.” ‘The agitators, however, are so noisy at every Hydro-Electric Chains, which was no sooner round my neck than my meeting, that in one sense they are determined the Directors shall have utterance, which had been previously choked, began to flow so freely, that | no rest at all, spoke with the utmost boldness for upwards ofan hour. | think your| re ee ee Chain ought to be round the neck of every Barrister. | A Rasnve me THe Loxnow Sraeets.—To prove how the “ Your obedient Servant, Wood-pavement is, we need only mention that, wherever it been “J. Berseruzss.” | laid down, the very stones have risen again !

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI.

; Jf f A Qe / PPT hd ys i j om <i

SU eer

PUNCH’S ANNIVERSARIES.—No. 7. SEDAN CHAIRS FIRST INTRODUCED INTO ENGLAND, BY SIR SANDERS DUNCOMB, SEPTEMBER 27th, 1634.

Pe eee. 4 q _— Both the bride and bridegroom behaved remarkably well. The bride- AN INTERVIEW WITH THE SYRIO-LEBANON |groom showed immense courage, which we could not help admiring, FAMILY | and the bride did not cry, nor go into hysterics, nor faint, nor commit _ ’ - as affectations ——_ — — . = We called at the Egyptian Hall about two o’clock, and found the | US t this a great improvement on an English weddin » though t family at home. We sent up our card (which is our passport all over wedding-breakfast was a sad falling-off. It consisted of more noise, the world), and were introduced to them at once. more pipes, and more coffee, without a single bottle of champagne ; but We found them in a first-floor back. The room at times is very | then, to make amends, there was no proposing of healths, and no dark, but, perhaps, the view from the window is all the more delightful | ‘85** - no crying, when the bride was — home. She a a for that. From this window you enjoy the most charming Panorama | P®P@ abl _— in the happiest manner, an ™ not seem im the “lish of the Holy Land. We must say the Eecto-dahenen Family have been |miserable because her husband was going to ae her away. English most fortunate in their choice of a lodging. One would imagine it had | brides might learn a great deal from a Syrian wedding. been purposely constructed for them. Let them look out of their large| The coolness of the bridegroom, we must say, vastly surprised us. green-baize window, at what hour they will—at twelve, or three, or | He did not look in the least sheepish, nor ashamed of himself. If he even eight o’clock in the evening—and there they will see the beauties | had been going through the Insolvent Debtors’ Court, he could not of their lovely country unrolling themselves peacefully, like a picture | have taken it more coolly. This cou was all the more surprising, from a cylinder, before their enraptured eyes. | as a Syrian bridegroom is not allowed to see his wife’s face till after As we entered the room, a piano was playing. It was strange to | the ceremony is completed, when it is too late, of course, to change it hear the sounds of civilisation carried so far as Syria. We little | Fancy marrying a young lady, whom, in your mind’s eye, you have | expected to fall over a Cot on the top of Mount Lebanon, or to be | actually imagined to be all perfection and finding, when the veil was followed by a Broadwood through the gorgeous aisles of the Great | lifted, that she squinted! Whata dreadful blow to your mind’s eye! Mosque of Omar ! We are afraid that, if the Syrian ceremony was prevalent in England, | We were received most politely by the Syrio-Lebanon Family. They | we never should get married at all The mystery would be so awful, are fourteen in family; and a very fine family, too, as far as we can | that we never should have the heart to face it. The ceremony is quite judge. Their dress is very much in the Bloomer style, with the | terrible enough, as it is, without an additional terror being thrown, in addition of the Turkish fez. The ladies wear Bloomer trousers, with | the shape of a veil, over it. By-the-by, this custom says but little for | ankle-jacks, and look very comfortable in them. | the beauty of the Syrian women. Are the young ladies that play at To oblige us they got up a wedding. A Syrian wedding is gone | bo-peep round the cedars of Lebanon, so very plain that it is thought through with a great deal of noise, and a great deal of smoking, and a| prudent not to let their husbands see their faces till after they are great deal of drinking. The noise resembles in shriliness the sound married? It is very lucky the custom does not exist with English which we have heard little field-boys make to frighten away the crows. | ladies, for very few, we are sure, would give their pretty countenances The smoking is the finest Turkish tobacco ; the ladies smoke as/|to it. The veil would be torn to pieces im less than a week, or wot | well as the gentlemen. Fancy marrying a young lady who has just | be made so transparent that any one, “ with balf an eye,”—as the say been smoking a long clay pipe, though the clay pipes which the Syrians | is, though we never recollect meeting any one who only had “h smoke are beautiful Narghiles ; but, comparatively, it is all the same. | an eye ’—would be able to see through it ; and if any one did take the The drinking is coffee and arrack, and they drink veil, it would be because she could not get any one to marry her, oF | we wonder the happy couple are not sometimes carried because some designing Roman Catholic priest had persuaded her, | stretchers, | girl, for the sake of her fortune, to go into a convent. Thus do the

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 155 | customs of far distant countries ron differ. In Syria, the veil is| | thrown aside when a y girl takes a husband. In England, is the | veil taken when a young girl renounees all future hopes of one. Of the _ two, we decidedly prefer the Syrian veil. _ After at a couple of b we prepared to take our departure, with > going, a little Eastern story- entertained us with a long story, which | and hands making as much noise a fault, it = a trifle too long, for it this, it was very amusing, of Arabic, that we could not is still in London (we write this a ), but if there is any one, we pay @ visit to the Syrio-Lebanon | entertaimed, and can have no cause to as, at this time of the year, there cannot worth paying a similar compli- is a Syrian lecturer, who talks lect, that many of our English and yet not talk half so well, 4 ’T wixt the Bxhi- bition entrance and the end of Knightsbridge reen. Y Knightsbridge | Green, how few | would know thee ! even should thy name a on thee ough t in shoals thy een. ner, where ts sold the dog and bund. [ have trod the Road of Nations every morning since the day When the Exhibition opened, on that glorious first of May. Let me throw my heartstrings open !—artist’s touch I don’t require ; Let the hand of Recollection ly stray across the lyre. On the day the Palace opened, ’tis not now the time to dwell ; Other bards have told the story, others yet will live to tell Guinea days I can remember, when the coronetted throng, In the flunkey-furnished c like a torrent poured along. Gay the sight ; but soon it : admiration quickly starves When ’tis fed on nothing better than a footman’s padded ealves. Sympathy was more attracted when the prices had come down ; They are hke myself, | thought me—they who go and pay their crown. Then there came the one-horse carriage, and the smart guburban fly, With a family from Clapham, or a group from Peckham Rye. Peckham Rye! that-thought is rss—for twas these, in early youwh, I believed Matrtpa Jomwson to have been the sou! of truth. Yes, I see her now in fancy, as her form I used to see, At her father’s homely table, pouring out the evening tea, With an elder sister’s kindness—(ah, how clusely love observes !)— Watering her brother’s teacup, to protect his little nerves. Often at the square piano, with her sweet contralto voice, She would warble, “Still so gently,” *t was the aria of my choice. But ’tis past !—Martitpa Jonson gave my heart a sudden stab, Marrying a horrid Quaker, in a suit of dismal drab. Recollection ! thou hast wander’d—straying idly thou hast been; ake me to the Exhibition—lead me back to Knightsbridge Green. Ab, where was 1? But no matter—Mem’ry, pursue thy ways ; Set me down about the middie of those wondrous shilling days, | ‘ . | course, be the last one would expect to see going up—such as Spanish bonds, Mr. Hupsow’s reputation, Protectionist principles, or Caledonian |glory: an inundation came, and the Prince was Every class and every station, young and old, and rich and % Privileged alike to enter Industry's taviting door. 1% Great, indeed, the Exhibition; great in more than one ! Not to Art can be conceded ail the good that it has done : Mueh that’s good in human nature it has also served to show ; Witness vans of pauper children in a long continuous row ; Witness wagons fili’d with workmen, in a liberal employ, Going the Exhibition wonders gaily gratis to enjoy; School-boys, ro homely tenants, jabourers upon the farm, By the bounty of the richer, to the Crystal Palace swarm ; Some in carts, and some in wagons; some in dress of every style: He is only out of fashion who neglects to wear a smile. Though ’twill all be shortly over, the impression will remain Of how one has help’d the other—and can do the same again. BALLOONING AT HOME AND ABROAD. conversion of the ark garden an ‘ purpose of coming down in a full, and ’ true, Tat -_ Gaeex,” with his shabby who have clubbed their cll look “plucky” as they into correspondent,” of course, to report any blow up, or break down, that occur. mW hen the balloon is onee filled, and its swag-bellied oscillation over, has shot up into the air, and Gagew has saluted with his flag, and the gents, holding very hard by the rim of the ear, bave waved their ha’ and when the sand of the first ballast-bag emptied has come down into the upturned eyes of the crowd, there really is nothing left to stare at. But in France they manage these things mueh better. In the first the aéronauts of France are not veterans, but green exceedingly, have none of those scruples about risking their necks, which “ Veteran Gazzns,” with wives and families, may be excused for indulging. The notion of going up in a common-plaee car is quite exploded. I have just come back from Paris, w in a fortnight 1 have had the pleasure of seeing borne into the air, at the tail of 1. An eight-car boat, with its crew and steersman. 2. A four-reemed house, with its furniture and oceupants, == 3. A phaeton and a pair of horses, with the a¢ronaut and lady inside, and their mounted groom underneath, 4. A car, with “the intrepid Twevermy” ona slack-rope suspended from it, throwing innumerable somersets and “ roasting the pig” in mid | air, till we gould see him no longer. ae a 5. Ditto, with an allegorical group of young ladies, in aérial suspen- | sion, bearimg wreaths of flowers and other graceful devices. Do net let our readers imagine that this is a joke. bills of these various pecformamees may be inspected at the { this periodical. I dout speak ef the bulls, asses, horses, and estriches, on which M. and Mapame Porrevin are in the habit of disporting, as animal | ascents are now used up, and it is supposed that not even an acronautic | elephant would draw an audience in Pavis. anal ere is a fine field opened for English imitation. Let Mrssns. Batty, Simpson, Ev.is, and Soran, to work and show us what a balloon may be made to raise. objects to be chosen must, of Railway shares. | Prince Metternich on Dry Land. “Apren me, the deluge,” said Parsce Metrexwicn in his hour of | floated to England, | the waters have somewhat subsided, and, on his way to Vienna, “ Paryce Metrerwicu has arrived in Stuttgard.” We have litle doubt, however, so astute is the Prince, that he does not trust in the con- tinuance of dry land, but, ready for another deluge, has duly prepared Whea the "busses, overloaded, brought the Million daily dows From the country’s far recesses, from all corners of the town ; himself with a cork-jacket. — © Fainctiate pcan satws hy rte ar en eR eee gama area

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL — iu “ni x Va) p 7 \\ War AW — - a THE CRUSH ROOM AT THE OPERA, SEPT., 1851—“ MR. CHAWBACON’S CART STOPS THE WAY.” Precious Stones from St. Patrick's Parnassus. A GENTLEMAN, whose name has the prefix | of Mac., and whose local habitation is Dublin, | has written some verses, recently published, with the title of “ God bless the Turk.” | Amen to the blessing: which is invoked on | the Sublime Porte for the sublimity of its | behaviour in the matter of Russia and Austria | against “Turkey, touching the Hungarian and Polish refugees. The spirit of this poem | must command sympathy : admiration is also | due to a magnificent rhyme, which occurs in | the subjoined lines relative to the Turk, and may be pronounced as delicious and charac- teristic a concord as ever was twanged on | the harp of Erin :— “ His spirit, in soaring, Shall hover, adoring, And rest with the lowly, And kneel with the holy, Who kiss the bery And moon-white pearl.” What Englishman could string his pearls of versification together in this way ? “ Beryl” and “ Pearl,” whether to be enseneed as “beri” and “ peri,” or as “ beril” and “peril,” are gems of such lustre among the rich things of the Emerald Isle, that Purch felt in duty bound to give them a setting, which he has supplied with his appropriate and usual brass. Odds Fish. will probably regard it as the electri to one of their own species. ~te Mr. Caawsacow “Comine powy.” Some fears have been expressed as to the possibility that the fish | may injure the submarine telegraph. We are happy to have it in our power to allay those apprehensions, by suggesting that the finny tribe eel, and pay it the respect due Primed oy William Sradbury,of No. 1, Upper Weeura Place, in the Parien of St. Preeimet of ®ee, 3 Lombard Street. in the “NV We Nyy REAL BLOOMERISM. Ar the meeting of the Family Colonisation Society, the Eant or SHaPrresBURY gave a good definition of Bloomerism, in speaking |of Mrs. CutsHorm, the foundress of the Society, and, we may add, its guardian spirit. His Lordship said— “Mes. Cursnous had attained the highest order of Bloomerism : she had the heart of a woman, and the understanding of a man.” The noble lord never gave a truer evidence of fine judgment than when he paid this tribute to a lady, whose unceasing work i the amelioration of the condition of the poor —and whose invention of the admirab’e machinery that regulates her Emigration Society—elevate her as a benefactress of the human family. “ The reason firm, the temperate will, Enduranee, foresight, strength, and skill, A perfect woman, nobly planned, : To warn—to comfort—and command.” We would advise ladies to copy the Bloomerism defined by Lonp SuarressBvRy, and developed by Mus. Cutsuorm: the heart of the woman, and the unders —(not the smal!-clothes)--of the man. —$—$_$_ The Defence of Naples. Tae Kixe or Napues has come out with his defence against the charges of Mr. Giapstonwe. The defence is long as a tape-worm ; and, like it, may be said to have neither bead nor tail. It is, moreover, proved that the hands of Neapolitan Justice are so filthily dirty, they are not to be made clean by any government outlay of Naples soap. Pancras, and Prederick Mullett Evans, of No.7, Cauren Row, Stoke Newtmagton, doth in the Covey of M ddlesex., Printers, at toe" Whitefriars, im the City of Lendoa, and Published by tnem at No, %, Fleet Street, im the Pare of St. Bride's. a "be Lity of Lome —Sseunvat, Ocvover 4h, 1%

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 157

—? — a he, oad overs to ost the noble A free. He straightway to Kine 111P’s court, and begged him to release the Turk from Amboise Fort. Purure, a courteous and astute old Prince, when charged with bis crime by the Marquis or Lowpow- peery, no doubt felt his conscience wince. “Most Noble Knight,” he said, “ and doughty_ English famed at Vienna's Congress, and likewise in Spain! — I have locked up this here valiant Turk it is most true: a dirty piece of work. That I have promised his release is true, yet (though perhaps no business ’tis to you) I give my royal word from dungeon vile I quickly wil! set free this Arab child.” He did not keep his word, and what ensued ?—a bloody revolution p!unged his land jin blood! The fierce Republic raised her sanguine head, and perjured |Paruir called a cab, and fled, until us Britons bold he refuge with, under the vulgar name of Mr. Suita In the meanwhile poor Anp-e1-Kaper lay locked in Amboise Castle, as close as ever: and his untiring champion now came to “ the nephew of the Emperor Napoueow, now,” as Lord L., finely remarks, “ the | President of the French Republic,” and asked him to let out the Arab captive. Entreaty, eloquence, passionate appeal, elegant compliment, homo tu quogue, brilliant and astounding metaphor,—cut—thrust—carte tierce—upper cut—under cut—run you through the body, horse and toot !—Never was there such an assault as that. of the Knight of Garron Tower, and he publishes the result of the transactions up to the present moment. “ My despatch,” says he to the President, “ was official, and sent through the Minister of War.” You see this single Knight, alone yonder in Garron Tower, county Antrim engages, de ps ren pair, with actual Governments,— with great Presidents of publics, who have five hundred thousand men at their back, besides National Guards. —- ~ cries a ! “I’m not ~ 4 says y= Garron ower. “ Witness, Europe—witness, world ! lenge you to CRUEL! . |answer why Asp-tL- Kaper is not set free.” ail, in 2 Cis Ge | And what is the consequence of this manly conduct? The admiration ‘even of Frenchmen is extorted. Swell * Busman. “ No, tuanxez—I onty suoxe Tosaccen!” ' | “1 ought to state, in the course of thie affair I have been greatly assisted by « — : . = " noble and distinguished prrsonage in Paris, to whom | have sent @ copy of my letter of | August the 26th. He requested leave to publish it in the French journals, and it may | he known in France prior to your doing me the of noticing it in the Morning | Post. I subjoin what he says »—

THE KNIGHT OF GARRON TOWER. votre lettre ; il dévire la publier dans son journal, Le Pays, dont Lamantin& est anext le Who says the age of chivalry is extinct ? As long as Garron Tower 1edacteur. Avutorisez-moi par le retour du courrier, Voici ce qu'il dit de vorre lettre: — th the ye or Antrim, and so dap A that oan Piet who | ‘C'est avec émotion et bonheur que it & Fotutpabte ee ett cad le wields the a states and sword-point of a knight—so | Marquis oe Lowpowornny; Jest un , "ouvre, écrit avec ume dun me long Chivalry cannot be said to be actually Gifeges.. Cie tag be on ber ee ee ee eee a a ee Ge ast legs, and those the limbs of CHARLES WILLIAM Marquis OF! “You will not, Sir, accuse me, l em sure, of quoting the above from vanity: the

favour ‘M. pe La Gorenowtann, qui est notre plus grand écrivain politique, vient de lire LowpowpERRY. But there he is yet; there he is on Garron Tower ; | advantage, in my object, of such men and such authority as I feel | possess, enables | HARLES WILLIAM, the good knight; sword and axe—plume and sur- | ™¢ ‘ support any personal criticism or cvat, lance and pennon—hurray, hurray—on a great thundering wooden The great Guerronrtee has read the Marquis with emotion and rocking-horse—LowDosDERRY 4 /a rescowsse—pounding down pon | bonheur. He says his Lordship’s work is a masterpiece, written with jou, driving his iron through P slashing your head = one, tW0,! the pen of a statesman, and the sword-point of a knight. He has three, whack, carte, tierce, St. Georee, into your midriff, off goes your the President (and I but he is done f ead; and the prodigious combat with the giant Nobody over, the | ome thrusts truly. ts Lore rEaeey Fae ee Cre brave old victor canters round to the bower where the Queer of Love (Copy.) - Beauty Lay my gracefully receives the guerdon. Since the days “The Tower of Garron, Co.of Antrim, Ireland. August 2%, 1861, when a certain i = d, ‘ Le 29 Mars. D ourd bul méme mon nouvel ambassadeur & C.netant! e <a like Cuan.es Wiitiam for a happy Sravity, & courteous ot duet par — d Gober extta qpestien ‘ls mise en liberté @’ Ano- ox-K smn)’ ete bee i and ee of dealing with giants, which only | {,. much, Sire, under our former rela‘ions, to eotiets information at your beets + eh. our true the progress of your amb dors neg vtiations, what has been, or is likely to be, It on that some men say ther e is also SistuoRr.— SiptHore ! | = Mere, aes and words do not belong to Lowrs Napotzow, unless prosperity pro- pook ! A to a is }. ... bog ae and o- me _but he | duces a different nature from adversity. Your Chambers are about to be prorogued ; veans himself pleasan —he a mad —go to!

Now the your splendid /étes to the Industry of all Narions are past; there is surely now time to Knight of Garron Tower never jokes, any more than did the lover of | turn « thought on the poor prisoner y satetes. ppl, i + of Ge : Howl de Ville, when bundreds and thousands is poured t w stream the peerless lady of Toboso ; he salutes you with a grave grace before | flattery and incense around you, did the thought never A ‘Where was Aspe. be is at you; and drives his lath weapon through you with all the} koa? Inthe splendid array of the élite of the warlike and noble army of France, courtesies of war. It is because he is so grave, he is so irresistible. |in her Champ de Mars, amidst the enthusiastic cries of ‘ Vive Narowzow f did no Given, that yonder post is a giant; yonder empty tub in the yard | pang shoot scrows your bosom, * Where was Aso-ei-Kaven?’ In the d licious groves ' ero of La Mancha used to go a-riding, there has been| “Mon Prince,—A considerable period has now elapsed since I received your princely | of 3t. Cload, surrounded by the Commissioners of the Industry of all Nations, with | roaring dragon ; the pole which the warrior bestrides a galloping destrier ; flattery of diplomatists, and ladies hanging on your smiles, while the most conspienons, and the hher a he ne or — axe, not a stick | from her temporary position, hung upon your arm, _ tt over cover to you, Where with a ti at its end: ou have before you courage, | is Aep ei-Kaven? In these hours of glory, may I not of the nephew « eenerosity, courtesy—a hero. ‘The combat with the post over, be takes | Earsnon,N-rouuon dey che, Praidcnt ofthe Rapa) whether it may ett off the saucepan which has served him for a shining morion, wipes his nature) to save the honour of France, by observing the capitulation of the Emir?” fevered brow, and gallops round gracefully for another career at the tub. Lately, in his wanderi in quest of dragons, giants, and virgins in} Can a man hold his head up after this? No, “mon Prince,” no distress, the Knight of G«rron Tower came to a certain castle, called |“ Sire,” you have not a leg to stand on. Fancy that man, in the Amboise Castle, in which he found, confined and guarded, a Mahometan intoxicating fairy-land of the Hétel de Ville, actually bathing in the Knight once famous in battle, and who had met and conquered the! wide streams of flattery and incense, and the thought crossing him of best French warriors in a bundred fields. But being overcome by |the lonely Arab prisoner! In the review on the Champ de Mars—on an num the gallant Turk had given in, and had yielded himself) Arab horse, very likely didn’t mon Prince think of the forlorn Arab up with his family, to the French King: on a promise from the latter horseman? In the delicious groves of St. Cloud, “surrounded b that he should quit the King’s pretended dominions in Africa, and | Commissioners of Industry—with ladies hanging on hs smiles, while be set free. But the treacherous monarch of France, having in his | /he most conspicuous from temporary position hung upon his arm” —did [ossession the doughty Chieftain of Mauritania, refused to set him free, | that simple thought never occur to him, where is ApD-41-Kaver? You according to his kingly word, and locked him in the castle of Amboise, | see, the Kuight of Garron gives his opponent no rest; he is at him | where he pined, to the disgrace of chivalry, so that the very minstrels|everywhere. At a Mansion House dinner, out of an enfrée pops | of England sang his valour, bis capture, and bis traitorous captivity.| A»p-e1-Kaper; at the review, the columns open and discover Aup- | This knight, this captive, this bravest of the followers of ManounpD,'rL-Kapen; at St. Cloud, turning to the lady banging on his arm | m his captivity the noble Knight of Garron found. A crying sin and! (whom the gallant old Kaight of Garron salutes in the very beat of

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158 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHAR | her fair shoulder the wan countenance of the Emir. Can you refuse, mom Prince, after this? No, the Emir must be free. He shail be free. And when he comes to Garron Tower, may we be there to see. And, noble knight, honest old Knight of Garron, when you ask why one man who fought bravely for his country against immense odds, may not go out of | IVARL battle) —turning to speak to that most conspicnous female, the President sees over! partisans, on the one hand; and on the other, fron |Mas. Gattxy Gasxyns: and thanks having been voted to the Chairwoman for her conduct in the Chair, the fairy-like meeting vanished. France : ask why another, who, too, was a chief in a noble and unavailing struggle, | may not pass through France? App-e1-Kapenr is at Amboise, because KossuTu is on board the Mississippi, O, mon Prince! O, Sire! that such a pilgrim as that should knoek ,at the gate of the French Republic, and be turned away ! BLOOMERISM AND BUNIONISM. IMPORTANT MEETING OF LADIES. Nowerovs and Fashionable Assembly of Ladies was held yesterday, at Puy.uis’s Rooms, to consider what course it would be expedi- ent to adopt in regard to Bloomerism. Lapy Parke Lane was voted into the chair, re- marking, that though she certainly had been in service as a maid-of-honour, she little thought ever to be a chairwoman. Mas. Tyrpurwe said, the question before them was one which affected the wives and daughters of England. Miss Ruopa Evceware thought it affected the daughters more than the wives. Married ladies had accomplished the principal object of all dress; what they wore was compara- tively unimportant, except to their husbands. Mas. Wittow Crescent | thought the Bloomer cos- tume decidedly a wives’ «ame question. The principal int in dispute was precisely that which had been the subjeet of contention tween man and wife from the beginning of the world. ROMAN CATHOLIC MIRACLES. We may be partly prepared to believe in Roman Catholic miracles, as soon as we see thé following miracles accomplished :— As soon as Dm. Camrr is taught to keep in his head a respectful tongue. ; eS soon as the Roman Catholic Priests cease instigating the poor Irish against Exgiand, and impressing them wit) the wieked notion, that England is the source of all their poverty and woes. As soon as Carpin as Wismasaas hawencceeded in rearing the “little Paradise” round Westminster Abbey which he talked so beastingly about in his Address. As soon as the Porw practises im all his actions the ex- treme benevolence be professes in his words; and, as | the first proof of it, releases the hundreds of poor prisoners now confined for political offences, im the dungeons of Naples and Rome. As soon as the Porg allows an English Cathedral to be built im the centre of Home, as we a Roman Cathe- dral to be built in the middle of London. | As soon as the French soldiers are driven out of | Rome, and the Porr’s body-guard consists of none but Romans. As soon as the above extraordinary events are accom- | plished, we shall be better prepared to believe any impos- |sibility in the way of pictures that wink, or statues that bleed, or cabbages that sneeze, or anything else they please; |for nothing short of a miracle can bring to the accom plishment of events so utterly improbable, if not perfectly impossible. When they are accomplished, we will promise to be amongst the most stubborn believers in homan | Catholic miracles; but till then, we must be .llowed the | healthy privilege of a little rational ineredulity. SS | Miss Kensinoton said, not quite from the very beginning. The controversy | | commenced precisely when married life ceased to be astate of Paradise. Mas. Gaity Gasxyys would assert the rights of woman. Mrs. Faineretp observed that property had its duties as well as its rights. | Would not those ladies who might appropriate the article of dress alluded to, be liable to certain inconveniences affecting its pockets ? Miss Tirrexton wanted to know where they carried their watches. Did they’ wear waistcoats as weil ? The Cuatrwoman thought these details were irrelevant. The question was, would Bloomerism effect a reform in costume or not ? | Mas. MyppeLtTow approved of moderate reform, but looked upon Bloomerism | as a revolution. | _ Miss Licurroors was of opinion that the present dresses were much too long. | Everybody said it was a great pity. She had heard it remarked, that they gave | the idea of being slipshod and slovenly—anything but what was cleanly neat. She did not think them at all nice. Mus. Hoore thought the present fashion a very sensible one. Comfort was the great thing—at least, at her time of life; and a good long gown enabled her to wear a warm worsted stocking and a list shoe, which was a real blessing for her poor corns and rheumatism. Mespames Hopeter, Limpxtns, and Sptayroor, and Misses Hatter and Ciuss, expressed similar sentiments to those of the last speaker. Miss Punch agreed with what her papa said, that the real question was one between Bloomerism and Bunionism. The Bunionists wanted long dresses, for an obvious reason; the Bloomerists short ones, for a réason equally obvious. Gx taste lay between. Miss Licurvoore had said on a former occasion, she bad no notion of being fancied to hide a “cornucopia” under her flounce. That was natural. Still that was no reason why she should go about in a frock like that of the celebrated “little old woman cut shorter.” Gowns of a fashionable length, however, were certainly mere veils to conceal ugliness and untidiness; or, if not, | TOPOGRAPHICAL PROBLEM. Givew: A Mar or Loxvow.—Froem Your Way rrou Seves Diats to Easteaw Counties Restway Station. } | Declension of Bloomerism. | Te names of Ma and Mus. Dexrer are associated it was only because they served for brooms as well. Her opinion, therefore, as| with the Bloomer costume. Thus we have Dextes and well as her papa’s, was that they should concede an inch to the demand for the reform in dress, but oppose the Bloomerists’ clamour for an ell. These sentiments having been generally approved of, were embodied in a|—that is, to neither in particular, or to resolution, which passed without opposition, except from Mas. Hoors and her| wearer ought surely to bs Dexraum. Dextra, masculine and feminine; but as the dress i | question seems to belong indifferently to either gender the neuter—the oF ee aoc Ff ww

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| | | | Their aéronaut, so trim and taut, PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL “HOW THE GREAT PROTECTION BALLOON BURST, AND THOSE IN THE CAR WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.” Being @ New Song to an Old Aylesbury Air, “ Bucks, have at ye all!/”*) Witu woe and wail, I tell the tale of the Great Balloon ascent, Sirs, When, in a fright, to dizzy height, the British farmer went, Sirs ; t lacking circumspection, | Was Bensamin Disraett, of the old Balioon “ Protection,” Bow, wow, wow; Foll de roddy, oddy, oddy ; Bow, wow, wow. “ Get in like men,” says downy Ben; “the gas is on you see, Sirs, And up sky-high you’re safe to fly, i "ll be steered by me, Sirs. We'll first let go, the ballast, so—and then the valves we’|! fasten ; The one makes light the car for flight, the other keeps the gas in.” w, wow, wow, &. The farmers start ; soon inside out had turned each bag and pocket, And towards the moon the big Balloon shot upwards like a rocket ; The ballast gone, the valves tied down—when sudden Ben reflected, | That doubtless those who with him rose, to be brought down expected. | , w, wow, wow, &. The farmers sat, each broad-brimmed hat Their fists hard eleneh’d, their fore spiration ; While ina speech Brew proved to each success the ascent must crown, Sirs, | And sotto voce asked himself, “ How the deuce sliall we get down, Sirs ?” | sed down with desperation, drench’d with anxious per- Bow, wow, wow, &c. “ Huzzah, my boys! don’t mind the noise.” rumble.) “None e’er did soar so high before.” (Aside) “ Lonp, when we tumble! And when restored to friends adored, you ’}I boast yourselves the first, Sirs, | Who reached the moon in a Balloon. (Aside.) By Jove, it’s burst, Sirs.” Bow, wow, wow, &c. (The Balloon here gave a The simple men, whose faith in Bew was something quite affecting, Sat still at first, blow-up or burst, not in the least suspecting ; The silk it gaped, the gas escaped, while they, their eyes upthrowing, Cried, “ Loxp, how high into the sky Protection be a-going!” w, wow, wow, &c. Quoth Bex,who knew what was to do, (old Green, is not more’ cute,Sirs), “ The thing for me, I plainly see, is to make a Parachute, Sirs; jut, when it’s made, how to persuade my friends in’t to be stowing ? ‘Talk as I will, they ’li argue still, it’s up, not down, we’re going.” iw, wow, wow, &. CANDIDATES FOR THE CHARITY OF THE EXHIBITION. We have received a number of suggestions for the disposal of the | Exhibition surplus; two of which follow :-— No. 1. To the Editor of Punch. “ Srr,—Might I venture to suggest that a part, ‘at least, of the vast amount of profit which will have accrued to the Royal Commissioners from the Receipts of the Great Exhibition, shall be applied to the foundation of an Asylum for decayed C. ma? «Sencon” | No. 2. _“ Srr,—When the question of the disposal of the proceeds of the Exhibition comes to be considered, I hope the debt of England to her sister kingdom will not be forgotten. I propose that the whole of the sum be devoted to the liquidation of the claims now made by Govern- ment on Irish Poor-Law Unions; and that the remainder shall be | applied to the more effectual relief of Irish encumbered estates. I throw | out this suggestion as a demand of justice, and 1 hop: that my natural diffidence has not prevented me from explaining my opinions as “Aw [nisp Lanwpiorp.” Nautical Parce of all Nations. Everrsopy is familiar with the phrase “ performing quarantine,” but few, fortunately, have endured the performance. A Congress has met at Paris, with a view to pronounce judgment respecting this serious infliction on the merchants and travellers who are condemned | to sit or sleep it out. The prejudices of a section of medical men have | been ab: urdly humoaured in the piece of useless precaution alluded to ; | and therefore much argument and many words may be wasted in the attempt to preserve it on the stage of nations. But, im the simple fact that no worse plague than itself is ever known im the Lazaretto Theatre, where it is enacted, the Congress has sufficient reason to determine that it isa worthless farce, wach ought not to be pe: any more. |appointed Bishops are to be made to MEETING (VERY) EXTRAORDINARY OF THE BISHOPS. rTeR the notice appeared in the Gazette | on the subject of the incomes of the Bishops, a meeting was held by the Right Keverend Prelates, who came together spontaneously for the pur- pose of doing as an act of grace, what is declared to be honest and just, though the law cannot make their honesty and justice imperative. We do not mention individual names, where the conduct of al! is so much alike, and where all deserve to be viewed im the same light as pat- terns of seif-demiml, humility, and ail the other virtues which it is their gacred duty to practise and incul- Bichege's was by one of the is 1 viously to 1848, - though the Tow would allow them to go on pocketing a large surplus beyond the income they were intended to receive, still, after the late Order im Council, it would be impossible to go on doing so without bemg guilty of a rapacity im the pursuit of superfluous wealth, which is highly unbecoming in a body of men so remarkable for an utter abnegation of ~* getnetgie of worldliness. The Right Reverend Prelate admitted that he and his brethren had been for some years appropriating thousands of pounds more than had been appointed for their incomes; but they had done so in @ spirit of submission to circumstances; and if these circumstances happened to be particularly flourishing ia a pecuniary was no help for it. feeling of the Bishops that the late Order in Right Reverend Bench as a class to describe as “ better known than trusted ;”’ 1 = , for the — but to appointed. itherto, i ; Bench wouid voluntarily do what was right; but their opposition to the voluntary principle has ints, and therefore the newly what is right—at least, with regard to their incomes. At the very extraordinary meeting to which we have alluded, some very extraordinary resolutions were carried. The following—we have | heard—was the principal point on which the Right Reverend Prelates | unanimously agreed ; and we hope to see the following printed shortly | as an authorised advertisement um all the newspapers :— “At a meeting of the whole Bench of Bishops, called by Common Decency, and presided over—on this oceasion—by Good Sense, it was “Resotvep UNANIMOUSLY, “That though, by a late Order in Council, those Bishops only, who have been, and may hereafter be, appointed, since the Ist of January, 1848, are to be redueed to those paltry pittances, beginning at £4200, and ascending to £10,000 a year, which absurdly thought adequate to supply the very simple necessities of the titled teaclers of humility—they, the Bishops appointed iously to 1848, do voluntarily put themselves on am equal footung with their poor bereaved brethren, and will pay over, half-yearly, whatever they may receive beyond the income they are in justice our entitled to. “ It was further resolved unanimously, That any other course than that prescribed by the above resolution, would place the Bishops, appointed | previous to 1848, before the world as a Kight Reverend body of men taking advantage of an accident or oversight to retaim excessive incomes | which they were not intended to enjoy, and which—particularly ater the late Order in Council—they could got retain without a violation of the dictates of morality aad honour. “It was further and finally resolved unanimously, That all pecuniary | sacrifices are contemptible in the eyes of the Bishops, when compared with the interests of the holy!religion over which they preside, and | which they cannot bat feel would suffer most materially were oy to | continue—partieularly after the late Order in Councii—in receipt of the enormously excessive revenues, which, though perhaps secured to them by the strict letter of the law, as it now are considered | rformed universally as a disgrace, rather than an honour, to the Right Keverend | recipients.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL KOSSUTH ! 4n Impromptu Lisped in Numbers, by a “ Swell.” Some fella said the papers say . | That patwiot, who so vewy neeaw Was being banged the othaw day— KossutH—is coming over heeaw. I wondaw why they make a fuss About his landing on our shaw ; I don’t see what it is to us : I only think the man’s a Baw! i has he done, I want te =» t against tywants P—vewy well — There ’s other fellas have done so : Faw instance, there was WituiAm Te. say the man’s a hewo—twue— But we’ve had he lots, befaw— Lycavuevs, and I don’t know who— And too much hewoism ’s a Baw! Now Lopez, I should wathaw say, He pe day a! been the man to cheeaw, Su ing got away, _ his coming over heeaw. One can’t admiaw a mauwal man That fights faw libaty and law; A bucaniaw one wathaw can: The othaw is a simple Baw! You ’ll have no end of songs, no doubt, About Kossuts, the bwave and fwee ; The Bwitish mob will waw and shout For this Hungaywian wefugee. Hand the cigyaws—the wosy pasz— That ’s a good soul—I’ll say no maw— | In shawt, I feel |’ve been an ass To talk sa match about a Baw! cea 2 ree | | —————— aes CLEOPATRA’S NEEDLE. | | TweRE seems some difficulty in getting the | public to have an eye to Cleopatra’s needle, | | which is, nevertheless, valuable, on account o! | | its connexion with the thread of history. A |recent writer in the Zimes suggests that the needle should be allowed to remain sticking in the mud of Memphis, in order that we may bring over from the same spot a statue of Rameses, | the Sesostris of the ks, who only wants a | new a and —_ pair of legs to place ib ti i APROPOS OF BLOOMERISM. - n° 5 gaia peep tae 9-w aaeamaans | We, r! no means, coincide with the suggestion | to leave Cleopatra’s needle behind; for considering No. 1. (who is looking at the Print of the Bloomer Costume). “ Wei, sow, UPON MY WORD, I pow’? see anyTuine Ripicutous my it. J SHALL CERTAINLY ADOPT IT.” the tremendous piece of work she was always No. 2. “For wy pant, I so THOROUGHLY Desrise ConvewrionaLity, THAT I uave| getting up, the needle of Cleopatra must always | ORDERED aLt MY New Tutnes TO BE MaDe IN THaT Very RationwaL Srruz!” be an object of interest. bili es advertisements in which the universal effects of quack medicines are | THE MARVELS OF MEDICINE. | stated. There is something melancholy, and yet mirthful, in the idea : , of a young lunatic jumping out of bed, “ swallowing the entire contents BALLY the Quack Medicine Vendors | of thirteen-penny-halfpenny box of No. 2, which had been inad- seem terribiy put to it for some-| yertently left in his room,” and waking up in the morning with all his thing new in the shape of acure. mental faculties restored to him. We can, very well In the dearth of other patients, the believe, that if any insane person should enter upon a course of quack Lunatics have kindly and appro- i i i priately enenh Sheena to pelseaies pills, a single box =o enough to bring him to his senses. the quack medicines, as will be ' ; seen by the following extract from BOMBA’S DEVOTIONS. a country journal :— Ly the Morning Post it is recorded that— “ Mapwnae.—Samcvet Crasn, of Pinhoe, “ At the recent celebration of the annual solemnity of the Holy Virgin of Piedigrotts, near Exeter, who had twice been the | at Naples, the King reviewed 54 battalions of infantry, 42 squadrons of cavalry, and | inmate of a Lunatic Asylum, was tho- | 9 field batteries, in honour of the ‘Queen of meoven’?” | —— A —y + Y, Mn. We know who is meant here by the absurd title “Queen of Heaven ;” Krrr, landlord of the Heart of Oak Ino,| but is that Heaven Bompa’s Heaven, and that personage Bonsa’s | Pinte, Tenshes ter thie ae a all We should pr a not. In the nw book of a = Sutete. &. we en, | comtat an account of certain spirits, who, ascending out another cured, in 0 cinghe tight, y place, established themselves on earth as heathen deities. Among swallowing the whole contents «f « thir-| them, sings MILTon, teen-penny-halfpenny box of No. 2 Pills, which had been imadvertently Inft in his “Came Astoreth, whom the Phonicians called bed-room. Astarte, queen of heaven.” We suspect, however, that there is nothing very new in the con-| his we should rather take to be the goddess ‘of Bowsa’s idolatry ; nexion between the pills alluded to and the Insane ; for we should | the divinity in whose honour he let off his murderous canon, and burnt imagine none but madmen could have beea attracted by the puffing | his sulphurous incense. —_

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CLOSING OF THE EXHIBITION. fi, | The Amazon Putting on her Bonnet and Shawl. | ‘i ; | Amazon (to Greek Slave). “Wet, uy Dean! I'm very cian rr’s oven. It’s veny Hann Wonk xegpinc ix Ove . Attitope ror Five Montns togetuen, isn’t ir?”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. PUNCH’S NOTES AND QUERIES. UR curious and enter- | taming contempo-| rary, bearme the} title of “Notes and Queries,” seems to have notes addressed to him occasionally, which ought to have been forwarded to| us; and we sball| take the liberty, | therefore, of now} and then writing re-| plies to them. An individual in a recent number, who signs himself “L. L. L.,” — (id | ever three ells go to sueh an absurd | length before ?)—in- | quires into the al-| leged insanity of| arch hares. We! beg to assure him that there is no au- thority for the say-| ing, t hares ac-| tually go mad in| March, though it is! about the time of the year when each very particular hare may be to stand on end—which is, perhaps, | the origin of the old saying. Daxstowt14, in the same number, inquires, “Who wrote Morin! Bowcn’s Tales?” Need we tell him that Mormer Buwcu’s Tales all came out of Mormer Buwcn’s head in the usual manner ? One A.C. writes a short note to inquire what is the meaning of “ Boosing Grass.” We never heard of “ boosing grass,”’ but we have no hesitation in explaining it to be any kind of grass that a man, in a state | of intoxication, to lie down upon. We shall, from time to time, furnish answers to the notes—as well | as the queries—sent to our contemporary; and those who do not find a| satisfactory reply in the pages of our ingenious little friend, will, | perhaps, meet with enlightenment in our own periodical. | AN HISTORICAL TEA-PARTY. Tue English Comet Civendar ie the most vital bit of English history; and ay any other piece of literature exalts us in our own eyes, and in the eyes of the nations as a most philosophic and witha most methodical . By means of the Circular—which is a note | written to the world and the world’s posterity—we and future | generations learn that on such a mg, on such an hour, Majesty or minor Royalty took a ride oo aes knowledge, that doubtless | enhances the value of —_ > the beeasts of the loyal and the con-| | templative. With this ing faith in the exalting uses of Court) | news as shouted from the minarets of a e, we are happy to find that the visits of two of Hem Maszsty’s little boys are already deemed | of sufficient national importamee to begravely chronicled for the present | and the future: | “The Parwce ow Wates and Purves Arramp honoured Sin Jawes and Laor | Crarx with their company AT THA, at Birkhbail, on Saturday afternoon!” | This announcement is affecting by its very simplicity. “At Tea!” Two monosyllables set forth the whole ceremony. As two clerry-stones | may be made to contaim a double service of tea-spoons; so do two words shut up all the pomp and circumstance of a princely tea-party ! Yet, we fear that the very brevity of the proclamation, however sufficient for the severely wise, may fail to satisfy the more curious and news- mongering of our generation. Busy thousands may ask—and vainly ask—“ was. it tea?” Another multitude may anxiously inquire —“was the tea black?” A third impulsive host may emphatically ire to learn—“ was it mixed?” History having chronicled the fact of the “Tea,” ought not to have omitted the particular canister. This) _* pe A let us wings that 2 = _ past oubt, present future, tea was stirred, si , a swallowed by the Pauvce or Waxes and Prisce Arnep, at the table | of Sir James and y Crark, at Birkhall, on a Saturday afternoon ! historical knowledge this is something. _ of the doings of baby and boy princes upon the | | folks they are in due season to control and govern. How much of our | veneration towards Paryce GarGaNnTUA may we owe to our knowledge of his doings with his nurses; who, every morning, to cheer him up, “would play with a knife upon the glasses, on the bottles with their stopples, and on the pottle-pots with their lids and covers!” And when we learn that, in his infancy, Prince Pantacnog. “at every meal supped up the milk of four thousand six hundred cows,” we are wisely prepared by such knowledge to await and expect the full-blown lory of his after-time. Thus, we shall consider the tea-table of Lapy JLARK as the starting historical point of the little Parvce oy Waxzs | and the lesser Panvce AupRep. LINES TO BE RECITED ON THE CLOSING OF | THE EXHIBITION. At last the Exhibition closes—but Most things that open are obliged to shut ; Its knell is tolled by its electric clock, Which strikes—and everybody feels the shock. “Happy,” cries Cocowen Srstuorr, “the release!” Weill, well !—the Exhibition’s end im pasee. That end was gained, and SesrHomr must confess The whole affair has been a great suecesa. Among ourselves—with folks of foreign lauds, We've had one general scene of s hands ; Joun Baas embraced, The whole World’s arms have great But failed to compass his enormowp waist. Grim Disaffection ne’er has ee With beard, and blouse, and Ph @ap red; Nor formed the pike, nor forged of fear By loading bottles meant for cages Still London stands, her thous sewers And Liverpool—exactly where she did, "Twas order everywhere, and quiet alls There ne’er were better manners at @ ball.’ Oh cabmen ! mourn the Exhibition’send ! You ’busmen, also, should lament your friend ; The arts it fostered—they were not a few— Qua prosunt omnibus—were good for you. Alas! ye worthies of the whip and rei, When can you hope for such a chance again? With such a multitude of fares to meet, And such a lot of foreigners to cheat ? Time, the great Showman, soon will let us know The grand results of this gigantic Show. A finer taste—there ’s reason to suppose Will carve our furniture, and cut our clothes ; Will o’er our glass, our plate, and crockery reign, And dye our fabrics with a nicer stain ; Enhance each ornament which Beauty decks, And add attraction to the female sex. Meanwhile, a new machine our harvest mows ; foes A novei fire-arm threatens But all that’s fine must have its day, or hour— The World’s great Fair, or garden’s little flower ; And still less time can | afford to » So thus I bring my verses to an THE EXPECTED REFORM. My Dear Lonp Jouw Rvssext, What are you doing ? i have net hened 0 wand from oe for an age. It is said that you are at work on a plan for ex ing the representation—how do you get on with it? Mind what y are about : as it is, you will have trouble enough with the Irish Brigade next session ; but that wil! be nothing to the difficulty - will encounter from the manceuvres of the papal enemy, if you allow Parliament to dissolve without having considerably increased the representatives of true Britons. t my dear Lord, everybody’s adviser, but more partieulariy, at the present moment, yours, PUNCH. P.S. The Conservatives and Proteetionists may, perhaps, think desirable that the Irish element should possess more influence in legislature than it has already. Im that case they will, of course their utmost to defeat any such plan of Reform as that which recommend you to bring forward. 4 . i

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI : a yarn, oe should have s short at the point of AGE BEFORE HONESTY IN THE CHURCH. interest ; and though the incident does not exac'!y amount to “spoiling the ship for a hap’orth of tar,” it realises the N Advertisement, of which! idea of injuring the metal rope for a little copper. the following r| a — a - appeared in the! —=—> Conbridge Chronicle of | the 13th of September,| NEW MANUAL FOR MILITARY SURGEONS.— 1951 :— REVIEW. [0 AGED CLERGY- «Poycn’s Ovriiwes or Mititany SuRcERy.”—This Non ere eecs, ts | publication is from the pen of Mr. Punch, who reviews his senght, for presentation to «| Own book, in doing which he is not lar. The work vacant Benefice. His views | was called for by the Horse Guards 4 ing the ee from | duty of branding deserters on army surgeons. It is, as its «It is desirable that be | Bame may be said to imply, a treatise on the tracing of out- should possess some small Pri-| |ines on the surface of the human body; an art of which vate Means —Referenees will the process of branding is an application. In it, however gy __. care of Mr, the subject of branding, generally, is fully discussed ; and —, Cambridge. |sound practical directions are given to military authorities “ N. B.—No applications exn | for inflicting a stigma or mark of disgrace upon an honour. Fe elie tn aeePt sot able profession. With refcrence, further, to the probable ertionr’e views ” | transference of the other duties of the executioner to the “ : | military medical man, the various methods of administering It is quite clear that corporal and capital punishment are also described; and it here is @ case In whieh may be affirmed that this volume will prove of material “age before honesty ” is | assistance to the young operator, whilst learning how to required in the character | adjust the halter or to wield the cat. No mere book, of aclergyman. He must | however, will afford the surgeon that qualification for be not less than seventy- jem ployment in the British Army, which, in accordance with | seven ; or, in other words, | the views of the Profession entertained at head-quarters, he must have one foot in| it will be incumbent on him, henceforth, to acquire from the grave; and as it is clinical instruction in the school of Jack Ketcu. quite impossible that the} Wr Punch does not fail to call the attention of the poor old victim will be | Medical Profession and the public to the fact, that the aole to teach his parish-’ tattoo, which has hitherto exclusively devolved on the ioners how to live, he| drummer, has now been allotted, in a great measure, to may at least make up for | the army surgeon. the deficiency by teach-| ing them how to die very speedily. “Ts views must not differ materially from | * To prevent mistakes, the unillum!nated are apprised, that this those of the Primate.” | is simply the letter A. The views of a poor old | gentleman of seventy-| seven can scarcely give much trouble to his clerical superior. But at all events | the advertisement gives him a hint that if he does happen to have any convictions if his own, he must let them remain exclusively his own, and keep them to| \imself accordingly. It is also “ desirable that he should possess some small private means ;” from which it appears that the unfortunate veteran is not to expect from his benefice ' enough to ive upon. His “private means” must, however, be sufficiently “ small” to make his independence impossible. Though the clergyman of seventy-seven must subjugate his own views to those | | of others, it is clear that the “patron” is resolved on a will of his own; for no ar — except from those “likely to meet the advertiser's views” will be) replied to. One of our objects, in calling attention to this disgraceful advertisement, is, to give the “ Primate,” whose name, or, rather, whose title, is introduced on the | occasion, an opportunity of looking into it. We say nothing of the niary part of the business; for the surplus moneys of the Bishops appointed before 1848, | if retained at all, in opposition to the principles declared by the recent Order in| Council, will, of course, only be held im trust for objects of charity ; and, espe- cially, for the preven'ion of such scandals to the Church as are shown by an) advertisement requiring a clergyman, who is not to be paid from his benefice a sufficient sum for his support, but who is expected to have private means to supply | | the deficiency. The point to which we would direct the attention of the Bishop of the diocese, is the age of the required incumbent, whose capacity for his duties is altogether put out of the question, in order that he may be prevented from encumbering too long a position which he is evidently only required to fill tem- porarily, as an old warming-pan, the ashes of which, it is expected, wil! very soon expire. THE SUB-MARINE TELEGRAPH. , ; ; : THE FOREST ROSE—MR. JOSH. SILSBEE. We confess ourselves not a little disappointed at the non-carrying out—or, | : aaa ather, the carrying out and non-carrying home—of the sub-marine telegraph. | . — Ve had hoped to have been able to talk from London to our friends in Paris ; and The City's Feelings towards Austria. though the voice employed would have been what the critics call wiry, or ropy, we ; s - hould have been perfectly satisfied. We have been longing to see England and| A ®2cent Times Money article said, rance bound together by the tie of this extraordinary cable. The long and short | “There was, generally, = better feeling in the Foreign Stock Market f it seems to be, that the rope is not long enough; and after “laying out twenty- | °4*7-” var miles,” two-thirds of a mile remain still due to enable the rope to meet its} This must have been rather a bad job for the Austrian agagements. It is a great pity that, while the manufacturers were spinaing| Loan.

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—evearee 2 & ee PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARE 165 | solve ; namely, how it is that he is not an inmate ANOTHER BATCH OF CORRESPONDENCE. Cotte mye = | om fy a Li 7) . A Third Delinquent is one who has stabbed us he—perhaps HB stern justice we were com-| in the dark ; for pelled to do to ourselves last —appends i week, by holding up to public | nor signature. Who will ishing | indignation the perpetzators | to preserve his é ito, when the following is a ie? Of @ series of ts upon specimen our patience, has not yet had | aimed at us? of the the desired effect; for our); « ‘ ’ Why may a Curate hope to be a Bishop?” Because -~ | letter-box has again been assailed by| _« a shower of offensive missiles. We) have “half a mind”—as the saying is| he has a for-lawn hope!” “Monster, away!” is the only reply we can —to set a steel trap at our scraper,or | deign to one who has so far forgotten what ia plant a spring-gun in front of our pre-| due to himself and to society as to indite a | mises. In the meantime, we proceed | conundrum which would Jay him open to an in- | with our work of castigation, hoping | dictment in the Court of Common Sense—whi that each victim may prove “ To guilty minds « terrible exampie.” . Delinquent Number One is not only a monster in human form, but he as- sumes the name, as well as the shape |™. of humanity, by daring to sign himself Av@pwmos, He ventures also to intro- | 8% We. : duce the name of a highly respectable | %¢ttings im Equity; and we eam on nobleman, and asks, “Why is Lonp Portman like one of the heavy coaches?” way of reply, his boot.” | own toes tingli | atroeity? Who not long to see - + . « “im every honest boot s foot, To kick the roguey-poguey through the world?” f “ Because he never goes out without several Portman-toes im Does not every honest man feel his} _., to administer that decisive kick which should be the reward of sueh| Wi letter D, I wants te is certainly not at Live l. We can go no further at present in this catalogue, for we have already “ supped ef horrors,” and shall no deabt be punished whole stud of night-mares galloping over come Se retire to our nocturnal | asse. We sO many arrears, that we shall, on some future day, eontinue our | y hope that we shall have no new y are not a great deal better trials tham the old—to dispose of The Present Question of Protection. “Ma. Prwcu,—Zen, Do ’em brand Deserters , cause D stands for “A Denoopen Faamun.” Adding, by Dismagu ? A PERTTY POLKA, Number Two can have very little respect for number one, or he would not | We have observed two Polkas, Pape by , awe Ss ‘Lipper expose himself to our just The writer accom ion by such an act of assmanship as the following:-— “ Why is sleep like a Tournament ? ”’—“ Because it ’s a Knightly pastime!” ies this insult to our understanding by what he calls some other! whether those two words do not mean the same | the same gentleman, advertised—the “ |and the “Bloomer.” Considering the operation of Bloomerism on petticoats, may we not ask real enigma his letter has suggested to us, is one which we cannot! thing? HINTS ON DESPATCH WRITING. (ILLUSTRATED BY EXAMPLES.) Being Mr. Punch’s Advice to a young General, My pear Geyenat, As you are now leaving the important business of garrison duty, and dintriat napestion, for the still more arduous responsibilities of a colonial command, the following hints on one part of those responsi- bilities may be useful to you. ; You may be a T have no right to presame so —ae there are in the neighbourhood of the colony to which your appointment takes you. The existence of these savages renders it probable that you may sooner or later find in a war. ; The extension of British territories is, of course, an objeet which you will never lose sight of. No colony can be comfortable with a horde of savages on its frontier. Yon will, therefore, of course keep perpetually advaneing that frontier into the district ocewpied by the native tribes. It is trae there will still be a frontier, and that the savages will still be on the other side of it. It is probable, also, that they will make an obstinate resistance, and that your sitions, worthless in themselves, can only be purchased at a great of money and men. You will also hear it said by a disaffected colonial press, and echoed, perhaps, by radical journals at home, that the existing frontier is a larger one than can be protected, that the ground you gain is barren sand, and that no settlement upon it can eyer be safe from surprise by the dispossessed natives, I need not + the answers to shallow objections like these Savages know no argument but that of force, and a wholesome terror _ of the British arms must be inspired. Besides, opeoyer regard for your requires that do something in your command, eS at reviews, and writing general orders. Without a war, you will have nothing to do, and without doing something, you will have nothing to write to the Colonial Office about ; = wis welling to the Colonial Office you will soon find yourself v upawar. The occasion may easily be found. Invite a powerful chief to meet you, and when he comes, bully him. He will probably retort, and you may then punish him for his insolence. This will provoke reprisals, which a regard for the credit of the British name will not allow you to overlook. Or you may prefer the plan of recognising native rights to the frontier territory, and insisting on the same recog- nition from the out-camping settlers, whieh will, no doubt, refuse; whereupon the native landlord will, no doubt, distrain on their cattle; and a quarrel is pretty safe to ensue, which will require an armed interference on your part. ” The war once begun, you will, of course, keep it up with British pertinacity, and prosecute it with British valour; and your efforts will, no doubt, be crowned by that suecess which British valour rarely fails to secure, But, as you, in your well-earned character of a thoroughly educated soldier will, no doubt, prefer to adhere to the rules of regular warfare, while your native adversaries will, no doubt, follow their own savage fashion of fighting, you may occasionally meet with checks, and even temporary discomfitures. ‘These will furnish you with an opportunity for displaying the qualities of the great general—I do not mean 40 much in overcoming, as in reporting them. Your literary training has probably heen imperfect. But a general’s literary duties are by no means the least important nowadays. It is an easy thing to conqner; but it is not so easy to report a defeat, so that it reads like a vietory. 4 I have no doubt of your capacity to get out of a dangerous position, but I am not so sure that you can describe how you got into it, so as to leave the impression that it was rather by a profound stratagetic move- ment, than a hursiliating blunder. #. It is this feeline which induces me to venture on giving you these hints on the art of military composition. , For proclamations and general orders, NAPOLEON is the great model. Do not suppose, because he commanded an army, and you mancuvre only three regiments, that his style would be unsuited to your position. Follow the example of a recent [ndian Commander-in-Chief, — say the least thing in the biggest words. The soldier likes to addressed in a composition that reads like a platoon fire. , Suppose, for example, your soldiers have into a slovenly habit of I take it for granted, therefore, that you will lose no time im getting taking off their stocks, which in a hot climate is very likely, your | ee

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| | , 166 —— es -- - . zal onder, cometiatag displeasure at this, and forbidding Oe the futere, may vas . “ GEWERAL ORDER. “Sorprens! Ease is for the Civilian : Disciplime is for the The Soldier's uniform is # part of himself. The Soldier who his stock will next make away with his necessaries. He who with his kit deserves the cat. “ Head Quarters.” (Signed) “ Homwsiowen.” Or if the weather be damp, and colds in the head prevalent, you may, perhaps, desire to put down an unsoldierly use of the pocket-handker- a. which you have observed on march. Instead of issuing a simple order thus— “ The men are forbidden to blow their noses ”— a might provoke ridicule, yoa have but to express your wishes thus :-— “GENERAL ORDER. “Sotprers! Cold in the Head bespeaks cold in the Heart. His _ Country’s Flag is the only pocket-handkerchief for the Soldier ! “ Head Quarters.” (Signed) “ HonnBLoweER.” and you enlist the imagination and esprit de corps of your troops against an effeminate practice. | But it is in announcing checks, defeats, and those accidents which will oecur in the best regulated armies, that your chief difficulty will be found. The problem for you is to state the fact correctly, but so as in all cases to save your owneredit. This is, of course, to be done without ' in any way risking that character for veracity which belongs to the British soldier. I should recommend to you, for this purpose, the study of M. Turers’s work on the Consulate and the Empire, which, with a careful study of all contemporary bulletins, you will find of great service. Briefly, you will, perhaps, prefer examples to principles. Take this case. You have adv on the scene of the war. You can- not find the enemy. Your men are suffering from heat, exposure, want of water, want of food, and the other hardships inseparable from a campaign. Instead of saying—“ We marched on such a day, but have not yet come up with the enemy,” &c., &c., &c., you may express exact! | the same fact, in substance, but much more creditably to yourself a your men, thus :-— “ The Bo-gee tribe is in fall retreat before us. Indeed, so precipitate is their flight, that [ have not yet been enabled to come up with them ; but I trust that my next despatch will enable me to announce that 1 “My ement in advance on the hill district of the Bo-gee tribe, am glad to say, has met with the success I ; . Krex-a- LILLI, their most formidable chief, is hemmed im, in the Rot Mountains ; and the brave troops under my command haze borne down all resist. | jance in the advance. I am not able to report the taking of ail their eattle, as this region is so barren that none have been driven here ; but | I trust that the operations of CoLowgL Swetrer, on the plains beyond —" — Pooloo, will result in the capture of enormous herds of cattle sheep. : | “Kurcx-a-tittt is, I have no doubt, most anxious to treat; but, | with the usual dissimulation of these sa he has pot yet taken any 'step which might betray this anxiety. t his desperate position ‘cannot be maintained much longer; and the rapid and successful ‘invasion of this, the most inaccessible part of the Bo-gee district, by the British arms, wil], I feel pe , convince this observant savage of the hopele-sness of further resistance. x ¢ | “The health of the troops, I regret to sav, is indifferent; but nothing ‘can surpass their steadiness under fire, and [ trust soon to prove this | in an encounter with the ekulking foe. | “Of course, the advance of the troops left the frontier to some extent _ open, and advantage has been taken of this 4 some of the outlying | e British settlements. | They have now, however, retreated, terrified, no doubt, by the news of | tribes near the Seut river to make a foray on our operations in this quarter, and carrying with them some 6000 head of cattle. “I should have despatched that most intelligent and active officer, Masor Squasasa, after these wretched plunderers, tut the necessity | of striking a vigorous blow at this crisis of the war has hitherto pre- | vented me. I trust, however, in my next despatch to announce the | ‘utter annihilation of these marauders, and the restoration of their booty | to its owners. This will, in all probability, conclude the war, and I am glad to think that my advance on the hill district will have conduced to an end so glorious to British valour. | “The conduct of the officers and men under my.command is beyond all | praise. To Coronet Swetter, Mason Squapasu, Captains Toozey | ,and Maccoottour, and all the subalterns engaged under them, I am ‘Teney. No words can describe the value of the services ered to me by these officers, without exception. The men alsé have been admirable. The only difficulty has been to restrain their ardour amid the dangers and difficulties of this arduous campaign, and to encourage them in the | pursuit of an enemy whose miserable pusillanimity did not allow him once to show himself.” Now, who but a man accustomed to this sort of thing, would ever guess, from this description, that you had been humbugged, bood- winked, and drawn on to the ruin of the colony by the very savages you fling so much ink at ? This, I take it, is the object to be kept in view. . Of course you must be prepared for the grumbling of Colonial mal- contents. But do not let that discourage you. It is the lot of every faithful servant. of the Colonial Office. And provided that your despatches are so worded as to stand the ' serutiny of newspaper-readers, you need not apprehend anything from ‘the sternness of official criticism. The Office are quite sensible of the duty that lies upon them of ae their servants in their too often thankless duties, and all they ask i in return is that their servants should ‘do as much for the Office. Then, as for the troops under your com- | mand, only take care to praise eve y, and nobody will be dissatisfied. Attention to these hints, will, | trust, ensure for you a glorious coni- mand, and a good pension. Zn Atlendant, Believe me, my dear Honwstowen, with best wishes, Your faithful Friend, pUNcD. | How to Wash out a Horse's Mouth. Tux following is the mode in which the mouth of an omnibus horse ‘is usually washed out, while the passengers are kept waiting. The driver, having drawn up at a public-house, descends from bis box, and retires with the conductor into the bar, where a pot of porter is called for. Both drink alternately till the whole is — when have inflicted on those treacherous savages the punishment they hawe| the driver resumes his seat, the conductor his perch ; and the horses’ richly merited, and which the brave troops under my burn to|mouths are to be considered as “washed out,” to all intents and = to have an opportunity of directing the attention of your Excel- | Trimted by William Bradbu- OGe ts | y of No. 13, Upper Wobure 13 ie No.7, } im the Prem Londos,and published by them at No. %, Fleet Street, ia the Paish of St. Bride,ie « ¢ l Newington, both in the of Middle City of Uerover Lae SOoRmey COS SOS Swe ees sc SBSdawe ese Ss ws Ss SG

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ma a&6a? |

| o’clock on Sundays. | inclined to put my und 83 | boy!’ His cigars smelt offensively, but I envied him rather—not that | | any’ | Macass. Your’re v | Coming your waist. } | | |

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 167

POOR PUGGY. hh | ("hts Tuose who know Top- HII HAM Sawyer MH } ' i! / I fy! (P| Hi young EaRL OF = YH ‘il | ‘| | "oe and VV <. U WELLMORE, are ' | ( P yall i | , hides considerable powers of acute- ness and observa- tion. His letters are much prized, i), not only amongst Kult the friends of his own rank, but by his Bohemian ac- 4] quaintances in the J Coulisses, Of a Hii) tr } (hy | Baul 1 iy il H it 2h " | } Av ‘ly | hy il : q Ml ot Il —S— sarcastic turn, be \ — === is yet not without ) r x ——~ a natural benevo- NIT vated his talents ¥ ) and his good qua- | || lities insecret, and An if he was } rt WN \!! ashamed of them; ' \ f lence; has culti- | | }, ' iN | \i\\) and not blameless, ' 1 HH wi Ti alas! im his life, ot he is correct, even to fastidiousness, in his spelling—in this affording an example to many of the younger nobility ; and may be oned some of his bitterness, which may be | set to the account of well-known disappointment, two years since | (when he was, as yet, but the penniless and Honovraste Tornam Sawrer), when the lovely Lapy Barbara Penpracon, daughter, we | need scarcely state, of the Marquess oF M—NGELW—RZELSHIRE, threw | him over, and married the Roman Prixce CorroprBacco, nephew of | the Cardinal of that name, Trifles from the pens of the great are| always acceptable in certain circles; and the following extract of a) letter from Lory Swetimore to his intimate and noble friend the | Marquess or Macassan, though on a trifling subject, will be read not without: interest by those who ire our country’s institutions. The| noble Earl, whilst waiting at his Club to see Messrs AmInaDaB and NeBUCHADNEZZAR, on pecuniary business, having promised to write to the MaRQuEss oF CASSAK at Paris, (indeed, concerning Bills of Exchange, on which both the Noble Lords are [iable), dashed off a letter, y on private affairs, and concluding with the following lively passages :— -

“T sit here, my dear Macass, and see the people go by to the Exhi- bition. It’s better than going there. Suave mari magno : you see the ocean devilish well from mp Bong You ’re only sick if you go to sea. I wish they’d give us a smoking-room fronting Piccadilly. Why don’t the new men who have been building, have smoking-rooms to the) street ? I like those fellows at Brighton who sit on the cliff, in a ground- | floor room, smoking—after dinner—having nuts and port-wine at three | I saw a fellow there lately—his stout old wife! went out to church—and there he sate, with his legs on the second chair, | unbuttoned, and looking out of window with a jolly red face. | felt | in and take a glass, and say, ‘ Your health, old 7 aneny much, or pity anybody, or despise anybody, or admire y. nothing w you call to live for—now you have, fond of your whiskers, and anxious about over- ou have an aim, my boy, and a purpose in your existence ; coax your whiskers, and struggle manfully with your corpo- | ration, my poor old Macass, and thank your stars that you have these | to interest you. ; j | “ Here ’s a fellow who has had an object in life, too, it pees. I, cut his advertisement out of the Times. It’s a devilish deal better I’ve | than the leading article. | seen at Mr, Harridge’s Forge, Pitt Street UTCH PUG FOR SALE— very fine specimen of this almost extinct breed. He isone year and a half old, and very gay and lively, and is the bond | ” from continued ill-health, is unable to keep him. iy, either directly or indirectly. May be Park Lane. | “Now, I say, here’s something to excite your sympathy. An announcement more affecting than this can’t weil be imagined—a dog. of an almost extinct breed, and the owner of that rare animal obl rom continued ill-health, to part with him. Think, my dear Macass, | f a tender and benevolent-minded man, his fine faculties overclouded | aware that, under a mask of languor | which obli levity, he! invalid’s ill-health is ‘continuous,’ the ad by disease, fondly attached to his darli ; ing that between | him and that beloved being a supendion’ pe ! last inter- views are now taking place between them: the last breakfasts: the last fricassée of chickens ; the last saucers of cream ; the little darling is now lapping them up, and licking the hand which shall soon pat its black quite unconscious of his coming fate—but eighteen’ months’ heart-rending. Ain’t it ? “What degree of ill-health is it, or what species of malady can it be, a gentleman to part from such a bond fide darling? This vertisement says, Do the | caresses of the pug increase his master’s complaint? does continued anxiety for the pretty favourite prevent the owner’s return to strength, and must he wean himself from the little black-nosed, cock- cream-coloured innocent, as delicate mammas do from their babies ¢ What a separation, mon Diew/ Poor P’ ! , poor Master | “ Of course, le won’t part with him to a , directly or indirectly ; no, no. Fancy a man’s feelings, the separation over, at seeing Puggy some day in the Quadrant, in the red waisteoat-pocket of a dirty-looking blackguard, with six other dogs, and a wide-awake hat! An invalid, as this gentleman is, couldn’t stand such a sudden shock. He would be carried off to a chemist’s; and we should hear of an inquest on a gentle- man at the White Bear. Pusey in the Quadrant— Puggy in the company of all sorts of low dogs, brought up in the worst habits, and barking in the vulgarest manner! Puggy, the once beautiful and innocent, in the Quadrant !—Oh don’t—I can’t bear the ’orrid thought ! | “ But must a man be in high health to keep a Dutch pug’ Does the care and anxiety incident on Dutch keeping make a man of (naturally robust habit, ill and delicate Mee 80, it’s most generous of the owner of the little Dutchman to warn the public, You pay thirty guineas—the very lowest price—you incur responsibility, infinite care, | unrest, disease: You lose your peace of mind, and break your heart in cherishing this darling; and then you with him. You recollect what happened to the heroes in Homer, how they were made to dogs a | prey—here is a modern torn in pieces by a little pug. “A little Dutch pug, with a little turned-up black nose, And is there no other pretty possessor of a nez-retroussé, which man coaxes and dandles, jand feeds with cream and chicken, and which he parts with after a struggle? Ah, my good fellow! Ab, my dear Macassan! We are sad dogs! we are cynical! You take my allusion, and your knowledge of the world will enable you to understand the allegory of “ Your affectionate “ The Marquess of Macassar.”’ “ SwELLMORE.” A BILL FOR THE BLOOMER COSTUME, Mus. Srrarren To Mus. Dexten Surrn. Gne Pair of Pettiloons, with military braid down the sides, &e,,&e.£2 2 A Pair of Braces to ditto . ; ; . ° ° e « oO ! A Pair of Straps to ditto . . . : . ° ° , 0 A Valencia Silk Waisteoat, cnt in the Gent's last fashion , 1 A new Velvet Greek Polka Coat, braided, and lined throughout with Silk . ‘ ° ° ° ; Cigar Case for inside pocket of ditto ‘ . 6 ; 0 Cigars for the same ‘ ° . ‘ 0% Joinville Tie, birds’-eye pattern P P . ‘ 0 Pair of Buekskin Gloves ; . ° ‘ , 0 5 W alking-stick with Silver top . , ° Beautiful Corazza Shirt, with Studs, dec. . 0 Noble Resemblance. Tue old French Garde boasted that “ It dies, but never surrenders.’ The same with our English Guards of the present day. After dis- tinguishing themselves on the Oaks Day, by throwing eggs, the brave | fellows were summoned to appear at the Old Bailey; but they all ss to a man, that “they would die first, before they would surrender,”

DONE CBYING, Tue old Irish cry of “ Ireland for the Irish” will soon be lulled, and heard no more; for if the emigration keeps up its present enormous rate, there will soon be not a single Irishman left in Ireland, and the cry must be changed to “Ireland for the English,” or any one who chooses to live in it.

Note and Query for the Post Office, Note.—A \etter from London to Paris costs 10d., but a letter from Paris to a only eee 8d, — am Query.—\s the distance from London aris greater—and pray many miles greater ?—than the distance from Paris to London, that you should have to pay twopence extra for it? Or, if the distance is by accident the same, how do you account for the above difference in postage ?

VoL. XXI. 8

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PUNCH, OR THE | (By our own Reporter.) ded, a few even- ote Comm at Miss found the house full, and chairs gave promise that com * A decanter table in the centre; but a little § «spontaneous great as if the promised MEETING OF THE BLOOMERS. nou a polite invitation which we reerived, we , to a meeting Yommittee of Lon- Ket.y’s Theatre in Dean Street. On entering, we the stage empty, though a dozen rushi-bottomed the stage was about to be graced by a “ goodly pany.” full of water, and six tumblers, stood on 4 the tumblers could not favour the audience with tumbling, and the impa- tience became almost as performance had been a Christmas pantomine. : : At length a young gentleman with moustachios, for which he was in- | debted either to nature or burnt cork—and we leave the parties to | | settle their claims in the court of the young gentleman’s own conscience —rushed on to the stage, and striking his hand upon his heart, indicated energetically that that was the place upon which to touch a British audience. The appeal was met by silence; for when did an apologist punch his white waistcoat in vain, or plant his fist on his own ribs, without giving a dig, at the same time, to a body of impatient Englishmen? He ap sled for a little delay, which was granted, and | in a few minutes, the omen in a body of twelve, ranning—like a set | of jugs—in sizes, made their amid that laughter and cheer- ing, which are the signs by which Jonw Buut invariably indicates his sense of the ludicrous. The Bloomers had been announced as a Committee, and we were sur- rived to find such an early aptitude for business in young !adies yetween the ages of seven and eleven ; for there were at least three or | four of the Committee who were evidently in the early milk-and-water- hood of extreme juvenility. A middle-aged matronly Bloomer, with a good-humoured twinkle in her eye, as if she could see and relish the absurdity of the whole business, occupied a chair in the centre, while under her wings clustered the younger Bloomers; some trying to look very demure ; others on the point of going off into one of those bursts of nature in which a propensity to laugh is incontrollable. The very young Bloomers looked rather frightened until the self- ion of an | American lady, who seemed to be the only genuine of the party, appeared to re-assure the whole of them. Pouring out a glass of | water, she proposed “Success to the Cause,” amid ing as loud and unanimous as if the toast had been the health of the Queen, long life to Pwach, or any other favourite sentiment of the British people. Anxious to give Bloomerism fair play, we would have scrutinised the dress; but there were so many varieties, that we found ourselves even | more perplexed than the looker-on at the peep-show representation of | the exploits of Narotsow and the Duxs or Wetiineton. We would have mapiens on the spot, “ Which is the Bloomer costume?” but a dread of the — yhichever you please, my little dear,” put a curb on our tongue, if not upon our curiosity. Bloomerism, as represented by the . Protection, she died on one day, Sweet Dizzy on the morrow; Proteetion, she died of true, true: love ; Sweet Dizzy died of sorrow. eg ee them both in the queer old street ere the politicians talk ; And from her grave there grew some wheat, From his, a cotton-stalk. They grew and grew, and gain’d the top Of Banry’s new Houses’ spire; And there they tied in » true-love knot, Which made the country admire.

Hearts or Evrors.—The Eursnon or Austria, it is said, is 30 mes pom. sae for him, just at present, to get up | a loan.)

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ll te ee ee ee i PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARTVARI. 169 ! THE ROMANCE OF THE MARKETS. Ve know of nothing so sentimental in the columns of a pager as the article devoted to the state of the markets. We seldom | | peruse it without a tendency to tears, which are only checked by the rcollection that it is only on bags of coffee, bales of cotton, parcels and sacks of flour, that we are exhausting our useless pay sJ ny. e, however, defy any one to be otherwise than moved by the , deseription of the markets, which is evidently the production of a writer who luxuriates in a strain of melancholy tenderness, that is excluded by universal consent from every other portion of the news- | saper. The literary sentimentalist finding no market among the book- sellers for his goods, has gone to the very markets themselves, and has secured a corner in the journals, where he may:indulge without restraint his tendency’to pathos. Let us take a specimen of that Gating of writing, which has found its way, appropriately enough, to Mincing Lane, ever sinee the mincing manner been banished from the publications put forth | by the West-end publishers. “ An improved feeling had again begun to show itself in the eeffee-market, where ijulness had until lately prevailed, and sugars began to assume a livelier aspect.” | daily news- Ww Surely this must be written by some fashionable novelist “out of uck,” whose Rosa Matripa-isms, that once used to cloy the circula- ting libraries with their sweetness, have rushed to the sugar cask as the only alternative to avoid the pewy A AUGUSTUS | Danvers for the “coffee-market,” insert Liz in the place of | “sugars,” and we get a sentence that woulil seem to form part of a sentimental novel of ten years back, when the writers of the same sort | ot stuff could com their three or five hundred ‘pounds for an | adequate |et of it. The paragraph, as amended, will stand thus : “ An improved feeling had again begun to show itself in Avewerus Dawvens (the ffee-market), where dulness had until lately prevailed, and\Rosacre (sugars) began to | assume @ livelier aspect.” We know nothing of the mysteries of what is termed the * staff” of a daily paper; but we certainly picture to ourselves the writer of the ts, as a pale gentleman, with a forehead shaved up to its highest, a Byron tie, a turned-down shirt collar, and a melancholy cast of countenance. We can imagine him walking moodily about the markets, looking out anxiously for a glimpse of gloom in sugars, and feeling an indescribable satisfaction in the duiness of peppers. Why is it necessary that Wool should be “flat,” Bengal figs “low,” Indigo “dull,” Rice “ depressed,” and everything that seems nice and eatable so wretchedly low -spirited ? It is seldom we meet with a bit of sensible “firmness” m something or other; but, even if we do, we are told of a “tendency to give way,” before we get to the end of the article. We earnestly entreat our daily contemporaries to get rid of the dull sentimental dogs who howl and moan over the markets, and put them nto the hands of some of the more lively writers, of whom there is no ack on all the newspaper establishments. We can never venture to ook at the markets in any of the morning — without feeling a con- sciousness that our spirits are going to be damped by some details of “dulness” here, “lowness” there. and “a feeling of depression” everywhere, in which we are only too ready to sympathise. Electric Compliments. . to es down of the Submarine Telegraph is to be inaugurated by a féte. “Parcs Ataset is to flash an electric spark from London, which is to fire off « cannon at the Invalides; and Louis Naroizon, by the same means, is to fire off a cannon at the Tower of London.” | And in order to give a double significance to the ceremony, the gun | of Panvog Acsert will proclaim to Paris the arrival of KossuTH in England ; whilst the gun of Louis Naronzon will publish the de- parture of Amp-gL-Kaper from France. ae ~catigel } THE SEYMOUR MOTTO. We have it now upon the authority of the Times, that it is the motto of Lorp Seymour “to do nothing until he is forced, and then to do as little as possible.’ This speaks the determination of the animal enshrined in the ballad; the identical animal “that wouldn’t go,” forced, and then, as little way as possible. Wits jump! House of Commons Relics. Some of the benches of the old House of Commons have been purchased by an imaginative upholsterer, who proposes to work them up into easy chairs, warranted to provide sleep for any sitters, together | with bedsteads that shall —— a sweet oblivion to whomsoever may | lie in them, however great their difficulties, and whatever the confusion of the House. untij | and elsewhere. SUDDEN INDISPOSITION OF THE FRENCH TELEGRA PS. - lar 5 is 8 a mane coe + tions as the ele- ea There is never any- g of importanee to com- municate, but it is sure to be | laid up with some timely com- = that ives it of the use of its limbs. The great cause of its many illnesses seems to be the fog. No over- id Prima Donna in Eng- d has been so often “ /#- terrompu par le Browllard” as the Frenea ‘l'elegraph. An interruption of this sort occurred the other day, when Kossurn wished to travel through France. The Pelegraph was entrusted with the message that had tobe carried up to the French President. About half way, aviolent crampseived its hands arms, and prevented it pointing a single finger, excepting the finger of seorn, which people say they saw the Telegrap) deliberately pomtt in the direetion of the Elysée. A fog was the cause of this sudden paralysis; andwe have no doubt that Louis Naponeow would see many more ‘things, which, if he were wise, he should see, if it were not for the tremendous fogs in which his reason apparently delights in losing itself. ‘Phe fog in question lasted some four or'five days—which is the more curious, as fogs are not in the habit generally of stopping at a place so long inthe month of September. land, even—which we always thought was the pays de prédilection of all fogs—is rarely favoured with so prolonged a stay. However, it must be very con- venient to have a fog always at one’s command; and, to do be NaPoLHon justice, he rarely throws one away; for he understands the art of keepmg France in a perpetual fog, as well as one who has , preceded him in pulling the strings of Government, or the French l'eclegraph. But when this wooden old Telegraph is done away with—for electricity must soon splinter its crazy limbs into a thousand pieces—what will he do then? He will miss his affectionate fog. He will not be able to say that the Electric Telegraph was “ [nterrompu par le Browillard”’ for a whole week ! Some new fog will have to be biown into the people's eyes. It will be a flock of geese which has snapped all the wires, or some thievish bell-hanger who has stolen them, or perhaps the galvanic battery will be found too ill to work. A “sudden indisposition” of some sort will be found somewhere, if only to support the ancient repu- tation of the French Telegraph. In the meantime, a number of cele- brated physicians should be appointed to watch over it, with stringent directions not to let it move out, under any circumstances, in a fog, for fear of its catching cold. If some such precaution is not taken, we shall be having the result of next year’s election “ /nterrompu — le Browllard,” which would be very provoking at a time when Louis Napongeon would wish to see his way perfectly clear through France ; though, on the other side, the greater the fog, the greater the President's chances of re-election, as the people would be prevented from scruti- nising too closely his claims to the office. A TERRIBLE AND PROPHETIC SLLENCE. Tue Times gives the following from its “own” Italian correspondent, relative ‘to the reeeption of the Austrian Emperor in btaly :— “ An eye-witness, a military man, assures me that the silence of the Milanese was terrifying. When the Emperor was at the theatre at Verona, bat one Italian lady of distinction was present.” What says the Italian poet, Aurrent, of silence? “ Silenato, figlia d alta vendetia |" ‘‘ Bilence, the d of deep i ” Such silence—let Faawcis Josern be assured of it—was at Milan ‘te, +s Many a True Word said in Jest. Wuew we recollect how many broken-winded horses have been employed in the omnibuses during the Exhibition, we are struck by the literal truth of the remark, that the proprietors have been driving a “roaring” trade. A ee Caanocy pon THe Boomers —JuLiuen opens Drury a ; NT IR 1% to | ee Dh, «Vie 9 EO: li CII ilo 8

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PUNCH. OR THE LO —_— j VY | -* 4 —— pave = |4 REAL CURSE TO MOTHIRs. | Somesopy is in the habit of adver | tising some farinaceous stuff as fod | | for infants, and publishes, among othr | testimonials, the following :— “TI consider you a blessing large. My little boy cries for a food every morning.” We trust this sort of “blessing” | will never em for if every- | } to society at | saucer of your i] ARAL LA hee ———— z : ; 22 > > GRANDMAMMA IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE GIVEN MASTER TOM SOME PLUMS. Vaster Tom. “ Now, tues, Granny, I’ve EaTEN THE PLUMS, AND IF YO" Srxeence, L’LL swaLLow THE Stovzs ! WHAT SHALL BE DONE UNTO THE SULTAN? Crrres, and towns, and boroughs, are wp ey do congratulating honour to Kossuta. Well and good—but what shall be done unto the | Sultan, who, at his own peril, harboured and comforted the patriot, defying the beaks and talons of the double-headed Eagle? Poor fare was it for the carnivorous, obscene bird, to try to glut itself upon that | hard bit of board—hung a short while since at Pesth—with KossuTs | painted upon it. Tasteless, unsatisfactory food—literally dry as | chip !—Hard, indeed, for the bird to make a meal of a bit of wood, flavoured at the best with resin or turpentine, when it might have had | the heart of Kossura for its garbage; and would have had, but for | the gallant Asput Mepurp, the Infidel Sultan, who manfully defied a Most Christian Emperor. And therefore, What shall be Done unto the Turk? Punch makes | answer Let every city, every town, straightway send to the Sultan some fitting, significant Testimonial. What can London do? Well, his Sublimity, to be sure, will never need it; but’ London might send him her freedom, in a great gold box. No revolution is likely to cast | Asput Mepstp from his throne, flying as Asput Situ a-down the} Bosphorus, to take his seat in England; or rather his stand, with Turkey rhubarb, in Cheapside. Hence, the golden box, though con- taining the right of opening a shop, would be of no intrinsic value of citizenship ; nevertheless, let the gold box, with the civic freedom beautifully painted and engrossed by Owen Jones, be forthwith sent. And Birmingham shall make a sword for the Sultan: a sword with Koran texts, teaching human mercy to the fallen, hospitality to the helpless, gleaming on the blade. And the handle shall of copper ; solid copper, wrought from the penny-pieces of the English ion. Manchester shall weave the Sultan curtains, wherein shall be told the story of his beneficent doings—curtains for the ‘Turk’s Divan! Sheffield shall send him razors—with handles of British oak, exqui- sitely carved—for his noble head. From every town of the United Kingdom let there be some testi- monial—however small—straightway voted for the Sultan. A park of artillery cannot be too large a present (he may want it), a pocket revolver too s a one, And when every city every town have made their individual offermg,—then let there be collected throughout the length and breadth | } : neral, body’s infant s begin to cry every morning for a saucer of food, society would be thrown into a state of fenpine ‘the’ whole ind the ie infant po of the country in full ery at a certain hour every morning for a saucer of some stuff or other, which not one family in a million is likely to be pro- vided with. Every parent in d of such a fearful result as an infantine squall set up punctually every morning for a saucer of food, will take care | never to introduce into the house that terrible disturber of the peace of families. An Appropriate Present. Tae Emperor or Austria has for- warded to Louris Napoteow a poodle of extraordinary docility. It will, at a word, sit up and beg—lick the boots of the Austrian Ambassador, picking out his boots from any other boots of the corps diplomatique—bark and wag his tail for the double eagle, and give | three distinct howls, one for /iberté —one for &alité—one for fraternité. pon’t ctve we | The dog carries a gold collar, en- s graved on it—“ Ham.’ | of the country, subscriptions, no matter how much or how little, so that the total be large, as large it must be. And with this sum total, let a three-decker be built, rigged, armed, and provisioned. And let this ship be manned, for the occasion, by British tars. And as the ship sails into the Bosphorus, let the Turkish guns answer the salute of “Tue Kossuts; three-decker, a thanks-offering of the People of England to the gallant Asput Mepsip, the Sultan of the Turks.’ And in this way—according to Puach—should honour be done to him who preserved Kossutu, and defied Francis JosEru. THE MAIDA-HILL NO-MOVEMENT. Rumours have reached us by the last omnibus which arrived—over due—from Maida-hill, that considerable agitation exists in the neigh- bourhood, on the subject of the na ga of the place, and that a separate legislature is even spoken of in some quarters. We can searcely be surprised at even this insane idea having got about in a district maddened by a sort of forced separation from the rest of the civilised world, and dependent for occasional intercourse with it on the rare and fitful efforts of a dilatory body of ’bus-rangers. We have, however, reason to hope that a closer approximation will speedily take place, by virtue of some arrangements now in progress, for expediting the means of transit, and that besides looking upon the Maida-hillians as men and brothers, we shall be able to regard them in the still nearer | light of neighbours and visitors. We have long thought it a fearful ievance that Maida-hill should be severed from the rest of us bya isgraceful species of "bus craft. In the Press, CAMPAIGNS OF F. M. THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON IN THE CRYSTAL PALACE; With his Grace’s Retreat therefrom on the 7th inst. BY COLONEL SIBTHORP. A Nattonat Pecuiiariry.—The largest | of discovered at Bathurst has been found by—a Scotchman ! omen

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it, » , “4 oN ae ‘\) * ay &: ij) Me /) * 28, 3 SSS aay = N . - >** : SS SS ¢ _—— : ~ SSS = = 2 SY NS Tw ~~, &¥ h—s—H. YOU CAN’T PASS HERE!

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THE POLICE AND THE PEOPLE. but the people at large—that the soldiers and sailors used to occu vourites. of omnibuses and cabs going foreign. fort seems = ry cal — | do not. care for foreign forts 3 & it Military engineering has nothing to the eee difficulties im | I’ve had a crack or two that have rather spoiled my beauty ; | And with SurexnvTenDENT See have paraded to and fro ; and physiology. | And sometimes had to jog When from my Cook to I first weighed anchor, toe to kiss. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON “CHARIVARI. PAPA, AND FREEDOM OF OPINION! Ir is evident that the pelice-are beginning to take that = ¥ou should read Para’s Allocution. Tt is published in that nice affections of the people—we don’t mean the cooks and housemaids only, | geper, the Tabdet. In it, Para says how kind be bes bes ear Daughter,” Mania Euizazern, You know that Mania Burza- In the old war-time be j was a sort of enthusiasm for the “ ue | BETH is t ¢ QUEEN oP Sraiv. Para tells us that his religion “ is so jackets,” the defenders of the country; but in these ler of | singly as Seiten to flourish and be dominant” in Spain ca ; , the blue coats—the defenders of of order—are beco nwt _ other worship is altogether removed and interdicted.” fe what a dutiful Daughter Mania EBuizanern is, in having promised to Veterans, whose boast it used to be to have cadens themselves help his good Bishops to restrain those at the lines of Torres Vedra, find their glories eeli by those whose vert the minds of the faithful,” and also when the Bishops “ shall have pride it is to have been present and performed service at the lines | to scatter and drive awa to and from the Cr vstal Palace. The plague, and ruinous e to sink into insi cance before the E.izaneTu must be to have such a good Para, and how glad the man’s number—for the but reason, that Spaniards must feel that their Quezw’s Papa has given them dear mut our raat Bishops to drive away the naughty books that contradict all their ; : : “—_ be ey = behaviour of our native cab favo urite winking pictures, and teach them not to worship pretty from their flocks the detestable and dire ae of perverse books.” How happy Manta ages | that have been surmounted: by our police force in effecting the-passage ‘Then Para also describes what a good boy his “ most beloved Son,” of the crossings, and carrying elderly females. with. their stores and Leoroup [!., Grayp Duxe or Tuscany and Duke or Luoca, has baggage from one side of the way to Y he other. Every one has been been, in asking Papa to settle his laws as to Church matters for him ; charmed. during the Great Exhibition. by the mode in which this.trnly and how Para has rewarded him for being so good. PAPA says civil power has. been rendered effective; and if England. expected, she that his Bishops in Tuscany, too, are to “ exercise censorship over has not been disappointed in the expectation, that every policeman | writings and works which et of things aatiog to — hould should be every day on duty. ou not like to live in Tuscany, with no or-nothing Locker and We nous not be surprised to find the soldiers and sailors of oo acon to put nasty reason into your hi and no wicked Punch to stage displaced from their as heroes of some of the stoek find fault with poor Para? dramas, and superseded by the more heroes of the bull’seye| Para ends by saying that he has great hope that a “ convention” and baton, Our adapters-will y be setting to work very soon may be entered into, which may answer the purposes and prosperity of on the alteration of the old of the Recruiting Fed into the | Para’s Church “ in a distant region.” Para means this country. Do Police ; and the little interlude of the Poor Soldier will possibly you not wish Para may get it ? be revived somewhere or other under the new and more attractive title _[n the very same 7ad/et that Para’s Allocution — in, there is of the Poor Policeman, Qur nautical drama will be superseded. by a also published an Address to all Para’s children in Great Britain and new order of pouinsiion, in. which, instead: of My Poll and my Partner \reland, signed “Pavun, Ancunisnor oF | and “ WiniiaMm Joe, we shall be having My Cook and my Inspector Jones; and The Lass Kzoou,” two of Papa's big boys. am, will find a that Loves a Sailor, with » few alterations, may be revived as The Gai funny resolution passed at a meeting of a ~~ which Pau. and | as Loves a Peeler. | Wrttiam belong to, and which society has been got up between them Some modern Drspry Aas = doubt, be found to. respond to the and their brothers, on paps te defend Pava’s cause. The resolution | national feeling towards the > has lately taken such a says, that the roy L _—¥- ipen to ene heats te | high position. in _—_ of encouragement. to other | of Parliament that have to make a pen “having for its | poets,—some of whom, by by the oon too ready to copy, and too | object the maintenance of civil ee the British empire.” often, alas ! to disfigure any new idea we throw out— | Of course, Paui and a oe x J hot mean the | we give the pn ote a net a song in honour of the Police liberty to believe and teach what you please, —— and ious [ | Force :-— liberty.” If they said they did, they would no bs JACK ROUGH Irish boy, especially if he is a true somof his Para ever ill “They f ; mean the liberty to believe and teach what Para seen, cae nothing | Suggested by Disprx’s Naval Song of “ Tou Tovan.” else. And, if oF ty have hey way, Para —s able 7 ~ magistrates an udges restrain t naugh * perv: My name, Eye 20s, bere pe mg ae ~ oe minds of the faithful,” and we should be a eed with de dear Bisnors, with the lovely law’ a back them, “ seattering and driving away “ » | perverse books,” and “ exercising censorship” over the paw-paw press. | ne i a e, moveon there! Now go!” | And so we should heave no more fie-fie about divinity, and | +e An the chition, am, philosophy, and history, and astronomy, and geology, and chemistry, And then, if Jon~wy Buus would be a good boy, and own his Para, ive him a pretty string of beads to play some nice images to amuse him, instead of his sanahiy books, and a little rod to whip himself with, and Papa’s and obe hum, Para would | As [ smiled Ry +t + my FMove on! Go!” with, and a lot of alt fl, on been to his “ most that every Je shows us ie i naughty men who try to “ per- And she was smiling down in the area below, | For the meat and d bread and butter I paused first to thank her, Ramshay Translated into German. But I junget 5 —_ the pavement with my on! Go!” Private and Confidential. | Folie meat and bread like other folks, We understand that the Ambassador for Austria, anticipating a | Though their they mustn’t neglect, they kno change in the fortunes of Mu. Ramsunay, Live County Court wo {seized my truncheon new, Judge, has taken upon his excellent self to offer R. a post in the apy ey Law = at «. V y~ with — = > x; - : = spite sung o Pues quain wit nk. RaAMSHAY eve the air of Austria | —_S Go! a — aah, “Who's theref—-you must move would be far more constitutional for the learned gen’ than the | : mild atmosphere of L With a few essen, the Emrenon And now at last retired with a —— ~ ee might snap his fingers at half-a-dozen KossuTus. Which is due telong service, aes se ~~ = tal tafe and cnten — SYMPTOMS OF A SEVERE WINTER, I takes my pipe, and as | smokes, Tse Ewrenor oy Avstnis has been compelled to return to Vienna, | L crack again jokes, | having found his Italian cities below freezing-point. Two or three | That I when in the from facetious Joz. distinguished generals came back with frost-bitten noses, so cold was | to Quien | the breath of Young Italy. No danger can he seen | ar nse mS Go!” Good News for Mr. Disraeli. | Tue Durham Advertiser says— mm € 9a ; “ In « cover of the Durham County Fox Hunt, the gamekeeper one day last week | A Forcorren Fzast.—A feast in the Castel Palace to the work- | %*¥ * fox suckling ten cubs.” men who built it. | Such a large family must acknowledge the benefit of “ Protection.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON | CHARIVARL THE LAST NIGHT IN THE CRYSTAL PALACE.

THE time is close on midnight ; above the roof {a With a tremulous touch of silver the Autumn doth pass ; Ar , ry Now with paly fire w lighting » ctreteh of exeiel wa, d /, ’ bes And anon her level giories on the Transept letting é \ i.) f 4) But with the night she waneth, and her lamp is getting low, A \ . ' And her fair head she hath hooded, forth from the sky to go ; [ge My y, / Bat timidly, and tenderly, she first hath raised her -% ww , } / y J . Y. That in the Crystal Palace look down so chaste and Wt i//) Now the ar have ceased their booming, and toy groaning gongs ) +S J are sti And for buzz of myriad voices, and tramp of myriad feet, There reigns so deep a silence you may your own heart beat. *Twas in this awful silence I stood within the place, And thought of all this toiling and triumph of my race ; Of the weary stretch of ocean, the w waste of That for this wondrous gathering must have been travelled o’er ; What toiling hands and thinking Seas what wealth, and want, and woe ; 4, What age and fears, and joys and griefs, have joined to make the show; How, under contribution, my country, ~——y of will, Hath laid both forge and workshop, quarry, and mine, and mill ; How into Art’s high studio she hath come with bold demand, And all she found there worthiest, hath ai from every land ; Through the wide field of Nature hath sent — everywhere, To garner up the harvest of water, earth, and How, not recking creed or colour, ‘her summons wine sent forth From African Saharas, to the snow-fields of the And how, with hand all weaponless, and with a naked breast, She folded in her “aye embrace the whole World for a guest— And my heart sweil’d high with thankful pride that [ was England’s son, When came the sad and sudden thought—what ’s done must be undone ' That the day now on its closing the day was to be, That those flood- gates would open to let in their human sea ; That with to-morrow’s sunrise the might enya de a, Reared by the Industry of Earth within t

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ke on, ne

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARE 175

Sad with this thought, T measured the nave sang _ midnight solemn thro the place, And the best ofthe inet stzalie was still i ~ ing in my ear, When all was life and motion, of a sudden, far and near. Thererwas en ies, and slamming of doors; Tossing of andicreaking of floors, There were pianos a-singing, <a of — a-stringing, farniture tumbling, And asvlaward. 4 -pipes rumbling, machines o’er each other a-stumbling, ing, and!porcelain a-smashing, candelabra through mirrors a-dashing, carpets, and’ floor-cloths, a-rolling themselves up, dresses a-folding their breadths on their shelves up— a shindy, and.rumpus, and riot at once on the night and the quiet, to save, [ fled down the nave, at once—pray don’t fancy | rave,— in motion.—Have you e’er seen a Statue, ight, at midnight—a-coming right at you? horse the Amazon bold, pped, much relieved, from her hold ; the Horse gave a shake, as if thankful to break From the pose he’d been forced for a six months to take. Then tripped up the nave Hinam Powen’s Greek Slave, In a Bloomer costume, most provokingly grave ; -_ 4 sweet Vestal came swathed in a 9 veil, eeping out from its wrappings, so pensive e, Like a belle from the crush-t60m or -~ And, oh! how I longed just to offer my arm! Mother Eve from the wall whipped a large:-India shaw), And folded herself up the closest of all. Andhere, with a clank, fit to stave in ~o— Came, with Hacen and Gunter, the Niebelung rank. And sans-culottes Cupids, a plump little throng, From the Milanese Room, trundled, scampering along, N i go’d and beseech’d ot heeding Vv ho be They’d —< = 4 eter —e E F prt é if FE i F Ff t EF little boys, to be breech’ d. came “ Hinow” and “Strowei.,” both stiff with the gout, And I heard “ Bion” whisper, while looking abont, With a shrug “ oy of No good willicome of it, I doubt!” At last, lest [ might be by accident crush’ d By the Statues that hitherward, thitherward, rush’d, I made myself small, and shrank into a nook, And plucked up a heart on the chaos to look : When all was suddenly still as before— The movement in each compartment was o’er, And a shadowy form stood at every door ! And something within reveal’d to me "Twas the Spirit of each land’s Industry, Which had gather’d itself from the objects there, And now stood reveal’d to my wondering stare. j Franee [ knew, by the red cap she wore, And the tatter’d and trailing: tricolor : Austria, by her scowl of pri On sad, sweet Italy, crouch’d by her side : _ = meme barbarie of mould,— All te and Ural gold : Germany, by her flag outspread, With its motley of yellow, and black, and red ; Which Prussia slyly strove to hold back,

Her eyes wens deep and dear of look, and id was her cheek ; ws And in her bearing that high calm to which all else is weak ; And as | bow'd before her, her chaste lips oped to speak :— ’ “ Sem, buttnow I heard a murmur in that shallow heart of thine, That this ering of wonders must henceforth no more be mine ; Andbamhard thing to thy folly it appear’d te.seatter forth A tte qeaer'd fruits of labour, Bast andi West, and South and orth. Know,, vain heart, it is not only what they irought unto my shore That myguests will take back with t were they than before; No, astore of mighty import will with and all return, Till theworkdsh a scattering—more than by the gatheri b | As the seeds of costly spice-trees by the Indian birds are — | Se, by all my guests returning, precious seeds will wide:be shed ; | Seeds of peace, good-will to nations—seedief. useful arts untried, With whiose growths the world hereafterrwill be glad.from tide to tide.” The deep voice ceased: and, whemI rai head, Gtey morn sat.in the Kast, and I was !

DIFFERENT VIEWS OF THE BLOOMER COSTUME. Delivered with judiee (0 (he real merits of (he Question.)

on’t a lady’s dress of the present day take so many lengths to make up —according to the taste of the wearer ’—but, with tie Bloomer costume, I should poseemnimeny to what lengths the ) Wears it, might feel inclined to» gp te!’'— An Indignant Milliner.

“ Should the Bloomer costume be adopted, petticoats will go out, and petticoats going out, there may be an end, at last, to Petticoat Go- vernment !—of whieh no one will be more heartily rejoiced than ’— Zhe Hen-Pecked Husband, “?Ere’s the jolly good health of the Bloomer costume! For [ tell you what, Bri, our ’Bus, with all the shaking in the world, won't carry more than sixteen ladies, = ’em as tight as you will; but find that it will take twenty Bloomers comfurrably, and allow each on ’em a Bloomer Baby on the lap! It’s the dress, m bor vot makes the difference,”— ’ Bus Conductor,

“Oh, dear! how delightful it will be for jumping over the:stiles '”— The Fast Young Lady, “1 ’m in favour of the new costume; because if my wife bothers me for 2 new dress, | shall refer her to the tailor, and | can make out a

Pro before it her white and black : Switzerland stood like a mountain queen, Sturdy of li and free of mien : By broad- Holland, haif fish, half maid, ith radder, and oar, and dyking-spade ; While Denmark and Sweden were Nonwas fair, With ice-blue eyes and amber hair ; Ameriea full weil | knew, By her stars, and stripes, and her Eagle, too, But her hand a scourge, and her back show’d scars, And somehow the stripes seam’d to dim the stars ; Persia, on her cushions lying, . } And ‘Darkey, balipper'd and shrosied i Ln 2m dame, Flash’d from her yashmac a — of flame ; While India show’d, with a lazy \ From shawls and muslins, a dusky face, Large eyes half of languor, and half of light, __ And a brow that blazed with the Koh-i-Noor’s light. But in stature far above the rest, I mark’d one spirit tower, The spirit of my own spirit of peace and power ; not adverted to the “Kast Riding Hlection,’ tailor’s bill, and | know al! his prices; whereas I defy any man to under- stand a milliner’s.’—The Mean Husband. “ This new dress will take all opposition off the road—for, really, the long dresses of the ladies swept ev: ing so clean, that there was nothing left for us to clear away after them. In short, [ look upon the Bloomer as the very best friend to the Broomer.”— Zhe Street Orderly. “ L don’t care how my girls dress, as long as | dress ont but | am sure—as sure as quarter-day—that they will hang on to t skirts of this new Bloomer costume—that is to say, if it has any skirts —if it is only for the sake of getting a new dress: for I never knew any girl of mine let a new dress slip through her fingers when she had a chance of getting one.” —The Good-nalured Papa, The Senate and the Circus. Ir is a wonder that La Patrie, or some other French newspaper, has ” as an instance of Jonuw BuLw’s irreverent humour, supposing it to be an equestrian burlesque jon our representative system, performed at Batry’s.

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PUNC H, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL HEADS OF THE PEOPLE ON THE REMOVAL OF rHievstaL PALACE. “We, | pow'r ome avy Easnruty Use om rr Remainine Wry, Tuene’s tuat Back Roow I wavs weven Ler since rT 84s BEE orux!"’ “Ir's very Iserevctrvs, I con- ress; sur rr Lowexs rus Neron- BROURHOOD DEUCEDLY : IT HAD BETTER Comm Dows !” “Tue Crystat Patace comme Down!— Lon Buses wz !—Wuat A Piry !—Geeat Suame !”"—&c., &c. | WONDER WHER®E THEY 'LL Gusss?” Lor! r Tus nuGEe Looxime THE CONSTITUTION DEAD AGAIN. Tue eels at Billingsgate are accustomed to the inconvenience of being skinned ; they merely twist and wriggle a little more or and there an end. The British Constitution is used to death—at the hands of Whigs or Radicals. It has been murdered outright twent times within our memory; and is about to be killed again. Bngland, instead of having the Lion and Unicorn for her arms, should Cats; this would give her seven-and-twenty accredited lives, so that, after the next life taken by Lonp Jomw Russet, England, with the twenty already lost, might have six more to spare; which, with moderation, might last our time. The Quarterly again weeps drops of | ink over the threatened death of the Constitution, a death menaced by the Russex. Reform Bill of next session : “ And it is at this moment—this awful moment of doubt—while not monarchy only, but even republics, are trembling before an invading democracy, that Lory Jom» Russe. has bad the weakness, or the rashness, to announce "— In his own words, says the Quarterly, “a new revolution!” And— “ This fatal menace—fata! to the ministry if not exeeuted—/atal to the monarchy if it w—was thrown out, as it is said, without the sanction of the Sovereign or the concert of his colleagues, for no better reason, and with no higher motive, than to help him th: h & paltry party scrape ; to rally, on a pinching vote, a few Radicals back to his , Poor monarchy! Dead again! What then? When duly killed, and tying im ito blood, will it no like Bombastes Furioso, rise again upon its legs, and blithely sing (for the especial comfort of the Quarterly)— “ For ‘twas better far Thus to end our sorrow ; But, if some folks please, We'll die again to-morrow?” As, no doubt, the English Constitution will die again and again, and again and again sing its own epitaph (though we may not be here to listen to it) and its own resurrection. Lorp Lexwox’s Last.—“ It’s aclever book that knows the Author of its existence.” “ Lon !—Ex' prriow CLosep ; awn I witnis THREEZ-HALFPENCE OF THE Smitiixe!—Biow rr!” “Lor, Jouxw, wHat a Prry!” “ My Dear GieL, THE ANNOYANCE 15 REALLY Degaprc.!” “Comuz Down ?—Or Course !—Sovio NEVER HAVE BEEN Raisep!—RvINatios | To Busuwess!” &c., &c. OUR REJECTED CORNER. | ae Map as A Marcu Hane.—Cutting your hair off with a ling | Apvics.—Advice is like a policeman, often to be met with when not wanted ; but, when really wanted, never to be found. Tue TeeToTaLuer’s Best Farewp.—The best friend of Temperance, —and one who doesn’t injure the cause by talking—is the quart bottle; for, as it gradually gets less and less every year, the time must come, when Man will be compelled to renounce the Bottle, from the very simple fact that he will have no bottle left to fly to! ETAPHYSICS.—Metaphysies is like riding in a cireus. You ke going round and roun and jumping, and plunging, and taking hi flights in the air; and after ali, you only come back to the point which | you started from.— Widdicomb, Green Tea.—An injurious bev , since proved to be a rank ison. This may account for the number of characters that have | n poisoned by old maids, whilst they have been drinking it. How to rly a Krre.—Those kites fly the best which have a five- shilling stamp upon them. “Deats’s Door.”—It generally has “ Railway Station” written over it. “IL PAUT QU'UNE PORTE SOIT OUVERTE, OU FeRMEE!” * The above proverb of ALrrep Musser has been verified recently by the movements of Kossutu. The Porte Fermée, which refused him permission to travel through it, was France, but the Porte oucer/e, which allowed him, in spite of menaces, to cacape from it, was Turkey ; and, if we will say it, a very Sublime Porte too! “ Comz Dow~ ?—to as Suns, uy Boy; WITHOUT, INDEED, THEY TURN IT INTO A Castwo. Tuew !—An, THEn ! "—d&c., &c. 8 The Flower of Yankee-Land. Ir is natural to inquire what sort of flower is the Broomer? An American Aloe, probably, as it is of tic origin, and is hardly likely to come out in bloom oftener than once in a century. Prumted by Witam Bradbury, of Fo. Utiee, (a Lem? ard Street, im the eeeey Poationed ty them at Ne.t, Brana, of No.7, Chureh Rew, Stoke Newington, both in the County of M Printers, at the Fleet Street, in the Pariah ee Be ted leaden avonnes, Oonsber isthe, 1!

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI ' A BANG WITH A RIFLE. | uRELY the decidedly great | hit that was made, once| u _ has been immea-| surably surpassed by M. | Juces GeRraRp, surnamed, “The French Lion Killer.” | Ashow? Why, that is not very easy to say, ex-| actly. In a letter ad-| dressed to a friend, which | has been published in the} Journal des Chasseurs, M. | Gerarp thus describes a remarkable shot, by which, he says, he slew a lion :— “T did not hesitate a moment, and fired at his mouth. The animal fell on the spot, as if struck by lightning. My men ran up at the shot, and, as they were eager to lay hands on the | lion, I fired a second time be- | tween the eyes, in order to se- cure his lying perfectly still.” | A very needless pre- caution, it seems: for “ The firet bullet had taken the | course of the spine throughout its entire length, passing through the marrow, and had come out at the tail.” Thur, you see, there is | no doubt that M. Genarp beats the patriotof Switzer- | land hollow : indeed it may be questioned whether his achievement with the lion does not equal the exploit rformed by the cele-| rated Banon Mouncuav- sew on the bear. The) only doubt is whether he is to be considered as having eclipsed Tz.1’s marks-| manship (and rivalled that of the other hero) with the rifle or—the long bow. “ He’s Hit, I'm snaw!” SACRILEGIOUS OUTRAGE AT WINCHESTER! (To the Venerable Mr. Punch.) “Ven. Sir, “ Attow me to call your . attention to an attack on Winchester College by | the Winton Correspondent of the Hampshire Independent, who, from his complaining that the reverend administrators of that institution appropriate two-thirds of its revenues, I conclude, as a pious canon says in a similar case, is an Atheist. For- | bearing to quote his painful remarks on a subject so sacred as clerical income, [ will content myself with refuting his assertion that the object of the founder of the establishment is not carried out. Affirming, with an audacity smacking rather of ester than Winchester, that this College was founded by WiLtiam oF Wrxenam for the children of the inferior classes, he says :— “*The very distinct and plain terms of the statutes, ‘poor and indigent scholars’—pauperes et b we no doubt on this point; and that the class now educated are not poor and indigent but the sons of rich men, moving in « sphere far above the class for whose benefit Wyrxenam's charity school was intended, nobody will, we think, be hardy enough to deny,’ “Now, Venerable Sir, I deny that by ‘pauperes et indigentes scholares,’ a8 above quoted, are meant the sort of scholars that are the proper objects of the charity | | of a charity school. If Wiiiiam of Wyxenam had intended them, he would have called them sordidos et pannosos scholares—dirty and ragged scholars—or something of that sort. The superior orders can be poor enough—poverty and the | sense of superiority, often go together. Many of them—some who are even members | f Parliament—possess less than nothing by several thousands of pounds, which | they owe. Others are y i by the infidel revolutionists who are | ng for financial and ecclesiastical reform, as state paupers. The children of are the only poor and indigent scholars, in the literal sense, whose plated A. WrxenamM. Intellectual pauperism—from which the happily are not exempt—was the destitution principally alluded to : s inchester College. The children are pauperes and indigentes, ting learning: the same words, as applied to their parents, may very possibly else. standing thus, Venerable Sir, what business has the disciple of y inscrutable ways of clergymen in the Hampshire to complain as follows :— well-known fact that no son of a tradesman is admitted into the College of Winchester. is the lowest social grade a man must hold to qualify him for obtaining « scholarship, na time, by et for his son at Wverwan's Cotteg, founded indigent boys.’ It is well known there has century « tradesman's son admitted, and that ‘poor and | y scholars at that time on ‘ the fouadation,' drove him by persecution from the sehool.’ ““ What would this wicked murmurer against clerical dispensations have? Did not the holy Bisnor or Wiy- cHEsTeR found his college to teach, all things, the Christian virtues—and especially humility? Is not this the very lesson, which it teaches even children of tradespeople, who do not ! and which it taught that upstart tradesman’s son did ? Venerable Sir, are getting above their station. A vulgar liberalism derides the good old dogma, that there is an in t baseness in Commerce. We even hear of the dignity of Trade! But the —_= of chivalry yet haunts the old walls aad towers of our Cathedral cities. There, at least, the tailor, the cheese- mon are regarded with the contempt due to their meanness. There the mighty difference between the man : ‘ ibes physic, is yet There society still believes in the great gulf between two persons, one of whom can trace back his pedigree three generations nearer than the other to the first man. And from the triumph of Trade which we have just witnessed in Hyde Park, it is refreshing to turn to the glorification of Industry, as Industry is glorified at Winchester College. I say, Venerable Sir, this is refreshing to the mind, which is constituted like that of your humble servant, “Supersus Biackstror, D.D. “ Mouldwarp Rectory, Oct. 1851.” SINCERE GRIEF AT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE, Omnibus Man. “On, WHAT A HORRID SHAME, TO PULL DOWN SUCH A &B-B-BE-AUTIFUL »-B-B-UILDING!” “ Accidentally Speaking.” Acctpents have become so numerous on railways, that they almost pass unnoticed. The only railway which might be likely to excite the smallest notice, would be the fact of a whole week possing without a single ac- | cident—for that would be the most Exrnaoxvinany Rat wav Accipent that has occurred for a jong time, and which no one will believe until it actually comes to pass. AN EXOTIC THAT WON'T DO, BLoomenisM to be a plant not likely to thrive in this climate. A few specimens come out here and there: but the majority of the Bloomers have been nipped in the bud. T

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J | and adaptation to the Little Puffington market, of the ARTICLES | and His Rorat Hicuwess Paice Avsert, will continue to merit | the approbation of his Friends and Patrons, by combining in all the | RecoMMENDATION or Eunors. | the merits of tl ARTICLES SELECTED FROM HIS Extensive AssoRt- | hopes to secure the Patronage and Support of Little Puffington, and | cessful season with a regular splash ! } ' | poulticed with mud, kicked up by the heels of each other’s horses; and | it ma | | placard, | be responsible for any delay either in the starting or arrival of the trains as stated in 178 HOW TO WORK YOUR MEDALS: HIT OR MISS. % novucn all the contributors to biti d not | as sad, dull presages of the doom of the wondrous fabrie itself—a doom the late Bxbibition coul he | resolved upon, and relentiess|y pursued by the stern wisdom of the great to take honours in t Greet industrial Tripos of 1951, | some may feel disappointed 4 having missed a simple plan is hereby proposed, by which the winners make all the use they can of their success, and the losers derive ~~, advantage as rom hand, and the medalless on the other, put announcements in their windows like the following -- No. 1.—For the Medallists Shop-window. Mr. Rossow, having had the | fortune to have gained a vaL Mepat by the award sa | Authority seemed to be remorseful of the jocumd bearing held on the | | lst of May; and therefore did a sort of dropjaw us ° t the ‘medallists on yd attributed the wet and murk SHALL THE CRYSTAL PALACE STAND? Anz we to take to ourselves the closing ceremonies of the Exhibition Pax of the Woods and Forests? If so, most pertinently, most admir- ably, were those ceremonies ordered : for the very genius of dumpishn of sullen wilfulness, presided on the Saturday, amd on the final | | Wednesday. Not a man appeared in the lack-a-daisseal pageant, not one, | from the Prince to the Bishop, but dulness marked him for her own. | on the 15th of . Humdrum was paramount! And skies sympathised with human gloom, making all as dim and comfortless without the stal walls, as authority was dark and glumpy within. A loyal super. | y to the absence of the | ween. Had she graced the pageant, all would have been light and | ire; Her Masesry, according tothe cheerful faith, - a concentration of sunbeams. Bat the fact is now unalterable; and let us, assober, melancholy wind-the-main-chance Britons, rejoice We have our character—our inalienable right—of dulmess. If we did let loose somewhat in unseemly gaiety on the Ist of May; have we not recovered ourselves im the substantial stupidity of the 15th of October ? If we did mum and flaunt it m the spring, to the astonishment of the stranger— who wondered much at jocund Buiit!—have we not returned to our of a jury of his country, and national sackcloth, our characteristic ashes, in autumn’ Yes; we hope several others, for the utility, beauty, cheapness, durability, CONTRIBUTED BY HIM TO THe Great Exureition or Aut Nations, 1851, under the immediate Patronage of Her Masesty the Queew Goons supplied at HIS SPLENDID EstsBLisHMENT qualities which have earned for him the TesTimonaL oF YALTY at the No. 2.—For the Shop Window of the Medalless,” Mr. Bonson, having not succEEDED in obtaining a MepaL ALLOTTED BY THe Koyat ComMIssionERs OF THE GagaT Exursition oF 1851, for “ent, and which elicited the Apwtmation oF MiLLions at the WonLp’s Farr, considers the exclusion as no ALARMING Faiturs. It will only stimulate him to study to the very utmost that Compivation oF Uriurry, Beavurr, &c., in the Srtenprp Baaearys comprised in the Maoniricent Stock of his Empornrum or Att Nations, by which he pery Competition. Thus, medallist or no medallist, the advertiser’s goods will equally sell. THE LAST DAYS OF BATTY’S HIPPODROME. Nature took care that Mz. Barry should finish a brilliant and suc- ; for the rain poured down in | torrents during the last two or three closing performances, and gave the opiites proprietor the benefit of a few—too literal—overflows. The Grecian youths, on their Thracian s' had their faces literally be said, without a pun, that on their arrival at the winning- the ildren of Greece were dripping. The fiery coursers of Bar might have felt their fire by the pelting showers that fell | upon them ; and though unfettered by bit or bridle, they were exposed | to the heaviest rains. an py he been too us to be marred by the confretemps of a little bad weather at ; and we shall look forward to meet Ma. Barry again, im all his glory, accord- ing to his promise, in the summer of 1852. It may be cited as a proof of the loyalty of the company, and the good nature of the horses, that when calied on to perform in wet, the former never said “ No,” and the latter never said “ Neigh.” Humours of the Bail. “A Baxzisten,” complaining in the Zimes of the gross want of punctuality of the London and North-Western Railway, writes thus -— “ On going into the Station, I beheld a stating that the company would not with me that the oat erode Hnscos ee + MMOS Si, You will agree Indeed it does out-Herod Heron: as is likely to be ed by greater slaughter than the massacre of the Innocents. , = aby Majesty makes a p in pelting shower, En ee And a bran | we have redeemed ourselves im the doubtful opinion of the foreigner. We have every faith that the st our shores with the strengthened conviction, that w in authority makes up his mind to be freezingly cold, and s he may triumph- | antly compete with all the human race. There was, as the cere- monial was acted, one prize medal wanting. A medal, with a whole pig of lead in it—for the dumps. And this medal—who can doubt it? | —must have been carried off by the Royal Commission. — And yet there may have been a kimdness intended in the gloom of | the ceremony: benevolence may have lurked in the doldrums of authority. ‘The utter blankness of — which the Exhibition was declared at an end, may have been jously, yet, withal, tenderly affected to prepare us for the grand consummation of the most pro- found, the most triumphant, and most barbarous stupidity (spiced somewhat with wickedness), that ever made ape kind gape at mankind; —to wit, the destruction of the last wonder of the world, the mar- vellous fabric that, at a glance, bas won the homage of millions. Not that the sensibility, masked in coldness, of authority, was all undignified by a high, patrician omg! a stoicism that would see the crystal wonder break into nothing, ike a prismatic soap-bubble. Not, moreover, that Lonp Seymour is to be thought the great original of official insensibility : oh, no— “ Bre wild in Woods that noble savage ran,’ — we had many and many high examples of the rabid contempt of office | for the wishes and sympathies of the . Loap Sermoun, able as | he is in his way, is only a large contributor, not an originator. ever, when the Palace shall ba Jouy some effigy head Minister of Woods and Forests for 1851. statue of—The Snarling Faun ? However, taking it as foolishly and wickedly determined by authority | —and no less stupidly and criminally granted and accepted by the country—that the wondrous fabric shail be broken up, having served its | turn, like a child's money-box—how about the reward for the inventor of the new marvel? Great was the exity of the isi blinded and smothered by visions of bricks and mortar—no more to be got apie by the appointed time than the final bricks of Babel— | when Joseru Paxton shot like a sunbeam upon the darkened council. An outrolling of a sheet of pa a few master JosEPru Paxton became the deliverer of his Prince and his Prince’s Magi from | difficulties that threatened to be inextricable—making for himself a — — renown, and leaving his name, “like a wild-flower to his , Well, Josera Paxton, at this writing, has been offered knighthood. | What ? Knighthood may or may not be a valuable nominal : the word—the sound—takes its worth from the estimation of | Some men may make no more aecount of such title than | i others may consider it still to | vibrate with ravishing music. . But knighthood—mere knighthood! Have we not accidental knights —knights of luck? Royalty goes into the City; and, virtue of that oy insident, two aiieemanbiewtatolaionte . “Wing at our shoulders seem to play!” On a sudden, spurs jingle at our civic heels, delighting our civic ears. L and isiti g i . id ; fire-new knight presses its . of the jingling of pebbles in a tin-pot :

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i FTES we TT eRrr ak | & ae Be of n y — ' Pr os = eeaonc re & eo al Se Prrmr | aoe CF ee | >= oe. @ ene Te ee,e FS Ee ‘the Liverpool bolster—a kni ght, of newest print, is stamped upon the | cotton city. And it may be , With our institutions, that this should be. Where the Queen of Beauty set her foot, flowers sprang at the touch; where Queen Victorta travels, let honours blossom. But these are ories—hardly of marked account, when fed upon men whose official life is not an accident ; butewhose position in the eye of mankind has been won by the inspiration and the labour of their souls. Surely, the case of JoserH PaxtTow is a case of “Genius versus Mayors and Aldermen.” All dues pad, Be Exhibition Commission are encumbered with a uarter of a million of money. How much of this is owing to the Lissibeus genius, inspired at the jest: moment, of Josep Paxton ? | Beautiful as were contents of the glass, the glass itself was the | prime glory 5 bearing the same relation to the things it covered, as does | ag ea in the sun's J ¥ unyo His chariot-wheel staads mid-way in ‘enware,” to the fish within it. Of the millions of visitors to the Exhibition, how many came to the aa thither by what they had heard and read of the Palace? That Palace, dimly shown in printers’ ink? Di PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARTVARI. 179 THE EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA TO HIS TREK. On! lovely Tree, whereon, delighted, gloats Fond oueey > vision; oh! thou only Tree Of Austria’s Constitution, that by Croats on eis | rave fruit have hung : I fancy they adorn 4 * wondrous Tree—that blossom’st not to bear—" ‘bere was a sad shortcoming in thy load : | miss’d a Louis Batrnyany there, Cheated of half the debt to vengeance owed ; I hoped in vain to pluck a Bem, Ripe, also, from thy hempen stem ! But worst of all, my own Imperial Tree, The choicest burden that thou should’st have borne Hath ’seaped my cluteh, and now defieth me, Safe in a mightier fortress than Comorn. Ha! what avails thy heap of fruit, ict outlined in Displace that beautiful Tree. could’ . fabrie from the mind, and in its stead the teitieand mortar moun- amen, im ae st not bear Kossurn ° tain that wasetor ing it could have been piled by the My Christian curse — the Moslem fall, | of May—and-how many: thousands may be deducted from That, like-a blight, hath robbed me of my hope ! the millions of ims- who for the past five months ~ ew _ Th rye _ ———— streets wending Park ; there, at one glance, to ow a ut for the bs cu rope wonder of beauty that seemed to. realise{the: fiction-of fairy-iand : fs Which fondly [ believed would be structure raised: rather ated Suppap, than the materialised A bond between himself and me. _ Ey te Cacon a Boman sn hi 7 fies, ee, = eae | "a ast made up—and the fiscal imflnence of the Oh uel supporter _— _ a rus, my Drop! ’ deniak: rT eee i man jac 4 THE JOKE MARKET. | muinon What, then, for: P' Gourt ginger. | ost sto be able to | bread, with so gilding? This-wilf newer do. Somersmall per-centage = iares feeling ™ the Joke | from that quarter of a million is as much the due of Josera Paxton as was his day’s wage to any Josern the glazier who worked at the fabric. All England must grant this truth ; and to the will of England to insist upon its application, we ully leave it. Finally, shall the Crystal Palace stand ? This is a question to be answered, once and for all, by the people. A certain knot of the aristocracy, strong in their faith of official sympathy towards all that is exclusive, all that is contemptuous of the masses, already rejoice in the certainty of the demolition of the five months’ wonder of the world. If the people do not speak with one loud, unstammering voice, Lonp Seymour and his merry men will rush to the destruction; joliy, and full-blooded as the Goths rushed into Rome. And they will do Goths’ work, to the —— of England, and the scorn and the amazement of the nations; if the voice of the country do not with one acclaim ery,— Houp!” A FEW WORDS ON WINES. “Art this season of the year,” as the advertisements and puffing circulars have it, we feel it a duty to give the world a little advice upon wines, and if we cannot tell them exactly what to drink, or what to buy, we cam at least inform them what to avoid. We therefore offer the following hints :— l. When you see wine advertised:as “an excellent wine to lay down,” be sure it is not worth picking up. 2. betes J ae read of a wine that is described as “full of body,” you may conclude that it is half spirit. ; 3. When you hear of a wine being particularly “racy,” you may set | it down as sloe. * When you are asked to purchase a fine old sherry with a nutty flavour, the notion of the nut may suggest the idea of what is commonly termed a cracker. a . When you read of a wine-with much beeswing, you may fairly say, uzz ! Comicalities of the Corn-Market. Iy a recent Birmingham Trade Report, it was stated, “ We had a fair consamptive demand for beaus at the rates of this day se’nnight. “Peas were less inquired for.” What unsophisticated mind would not conclude from the above, that beans were in a bad way, and peas were better ° Market this week; and we have seen some specimens of very fair middlings or seconds, which are likely to command some attention. The following are the latest quota- tions in dry humour—a species of dry goods that will always be in de- mand, if the quality is respectable :— “A Fee Simete.—The Guinea paid to a Quack.” “A 200 Guiwea CHALLENGE TO Mr. Hosss.—To pick one of the Dead Locks in Fleet Street.” The Conundrum Market has not yet recovered from its flatness, and, indeed, the facility with which any stuff can be manu- factured, will give rise to those constant gluts which the public taste naturally revolts against, In this way some of the most respectable manufactories are often left with a large stock of a really quality of Conundrum on band, with no means getting rid of it. The following are some of the best samples we have lately met with :— “Why is a very old umbrella, that has been lost, as good as new when | found?” “ Because it’s re-covered.” There is no doubt that the excessive depression in the Conundrum trade arises partly from the ignorance of many of those who embark in it, and who inundate the markets with worthless paper, which no le house will look at. The following stuffs have been offered ; we only give the quotations for a of warning young beginners against having anything to do with them :— “ Why is a Review like an inferior species of tobacco-pipe?” “ Be- cause it’s a meerschaum (mere sham). It will be seen that all the first principles of orthography, on which every literary transaction ought to be based, are entirely disregarded in this dishonest attempt to gain credit for an article which is really worth nothing. We have ourselves been sometimes asked to make advances on produce similar to this ; but we have always avoided doing business of any kind with the parties who have to us. * Kossurn is properly pronounced to rhyme with rau. are re

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BS 5 J) aif y a SS ~~ Vi ) TAL iad a 4 ~ 4aPt (hi (Mahe Ase) * Few THINGS ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN TO BE SHORT of PowDER WHEN THERE Is 4 cHANCE OF Goop Sront. Mn. Butcés, FEELING THIS, ORDERS A PLENTIFUL SUPPLY, TO BANG AWAY AT THE PueasaNTs TO-MORROW. He sUGGESTS TO Mas. Briecs, tHat IT SHOULD BE PLACED UNDER THEIR Bev, 70BE OUT OF THE WAY OF THE CHILDREN !! THE PRETTY PAGES OF KENSINGTON. Tue neighbourhood of Kensington has lately been inundated with pages, of all sorts and sizes, from Sorer’s Symposium. These pages are in a most dog’s-eared condition, with their embroidery torn from their jackets, and their stripes strip from their trousers. Autumn has acted upon the pages as if they had been so many leaves, and as the leaves have been Sowing about the road, so have the pages been —to use a forcible figure—found kicking about the town and neigh- bourhood of Kensington. The ce of these pages partakes of the melancholy and the absurd, in about equal quantities. Some of them retain portions of their old page’s costume, but a highly-buttoned jacket frequently goes off into a pair of the seediest corduroys, and terminates in a highlow of the most sole-less character. Even when on full duty and in full uniform, the Symposium pages | added wae little to the dignity, but a great deal to the noise, of the | neighbourhood. We have frequently found them plying the light peg- top on the pavement, or urging the easy-going marble into a Pole | scratched in the thoroughfare. Ever and anon, the wild hop-scotch has interrupted our morning walk, and the Symposium pages have proved to be our impediments. Sometimes, the volatile rupted our path; occasionally, the ponderous pick-a-back has barred| Writer.” our way; but the Symposium as at the bottom, of our out-of-door annoyances. turned loose upon society, we hardly know what will be the state of the Kensingtonian suburb. Kven in their busiest da s, when they used to go in parties of six or seven to put one letter in the post, and when they would wait to vault over every street-post in their way, it was bad enough ; but now that they have nothing to do, the prospect one. If it took seven i | THE OPENING AND CLOSING OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE. (A CONTRAST ) Ir opened on a smiling morn in May ; It closed upon a thorough soaking day. *T was opened grandly by our gracious QUEEN ; It finished wih ceremony mean. It opened when the air was brisk and dry ; It closed beneath a damp and dismal sky. But of the contrast would you seek the cause, You ’ll find it clear enough in Nature’s laws. *T was natural enough that tears should fall On losing what has been endeared to all. *T was natural to find a rainy sky So sympathetic with the oo eye. But, oh !—most natural the heavens should frown, To hear it said, “the building will come down.” Preferment for Cahill. r Twat pretty-spoken pastor, the Rev. Dra. Canna, frog has inter-| famously with what promises to be a Romish “Com He has just addressed to Lonp PaLwenrstow have been _ - at the top, as well | mild and dignified epistles which have rendered his nameso famous, . Now that they are all | done so much to recommend his religion. We advise the Pore to vere in his “ aggression,” by creating Dx. Cant Bi EXTREMES MEET. is afearful| Is passing by Bell Yard, Chancery Lane, the other day, we observed to do little, how many will it take to do | 4 hosteiry call Heavew’s Chop-house. We had no notion that Chancery nothing at all? is a problem we will not venture on the solution of. | ¥4s so near Heaven—we should have imagined it to be in another place. One seems to have settled himself on a crossing near the scene of his former dignity, and the snoe-black corps may receive a few, but y — A be a frightful surplus that we see no means of ing with. Errects or Broomertsm—We understand that a claim for com- ion for injuries sustained by i y the inhabitants of Petticoat Lane. is about to be made

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My Ay VM / “POL HY) /} V4 // Yj | WY Yj WY / fi V, 4,/ vil | Mi BEEN HEAPED Ie | NC AND PUDDI PRAISE H.R.H, Pr-nce Albert.—“ Master Joszeru Paxtron—In Appition to tHe Honours THAT HAVE uron You, I mave mucw Preascxe 1x Pagsentine You witru tuis Piece or ‘Soir Puppine.’”

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J RR OR ERRRERSSEEES SEEPS SS REGES Ea sdGes & Beebe |

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183 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. - dispersed wy: navies of vpslous etion, A beve ‘oined, H.M.8. “PRINCE OF WALES.” Excellent, at Portsmouth, to learn gunnery ; my will gradually depart—to teach science j \ - ——.. ymm the closing of the Exhibition, among they eM qracellydepert—to ” octet other ee, we must not omit to “T am Lords, mention naturally excited by the “ With, ke. &e. fact, that Apwinat Bensow Hazy, the hee che lient —— Commander-in-Chief of the Serpentine | ,, ole le ~ — Station, has hauled down his flag. The | To the Secretary of the Admiralty. Bewsow Hazy.” gallant — — a> _ carrying wit im” (says Hoaz’s Nautical | doc: ts at a fut od. Record) “ those regrets which have usually | ages oe attended his departure from the stations | = on which he has served during his naval | career.” Without inquiring too closely into the of a double meaning—we | SCALIGER, junior, “who killed r whose career has thus Admiralty reguiations—which require the transmission of all journals, , es Ca Ee down. general Report of his, which alone would | siways eaten at Christmas; but a Margate, PUNCH’S NOTES AND QUERIES. Editor’s phrase—susceptible, at ee | Cock Robin.—“ Cam any of four on a tell me,” asks oc in ?” An under- We may possibly glance at others of the late Commander-in-Chief ’s graduate, some may be ed to express our regard for | writing from St. Bees, asks, “whether Cock Robin can be the same the gallant office ‘as Rosry Hoop?” An antiquarian friend » that the come toaclose. In conformity with the | with his bow and arrow, belonged to the old i | who used to occupy a house over the archway om since pulled Sparrow, of the Sparro : Archery-gro Se «—s=_—=iéduring, 4 commission, (o their Lordships—| the Horner Family.—We have been unable to trace aX the Admiral has forwarded to Whitehall | farther than the eorner iuto whieh as oes Ele ae , Variety of documents. We extract @ little Jack Homwen, the eater of the Christmas fe were not Buenos from may have been the pie - = suffice to prove the attention he has to his dstios, and which is curiously i a suggests that Mag-pie tantise a the present state of =— — = y may ae ha ~ al good occu a ‘ miral of irony, oceasionally ; we m rotest against any uy, Enoug —_ agree with correspondent, interpretation of his valnalie dhoumant. ities 4 Crenicus, that “enough” may bea that “REPORT. excess of filial piety, taught their “My Lorps, “ H. M.S. Prince of Wales, Serpentine, —! to suck eggs. | “Tw fi ing to you the Log of H. M.S. Prince of Wales with my 3 eos the opportunity of making some general ob- servations, founded on the experience of my commission. A TEA-TOTALLER’S WISH. “1 am to_inform Lordships that the Prince of Wales is Move be a cot beside a rill, quite of sailing. When yon heave up her anchor and put sail Where | can always drimk my fill, upon her (which three of your hips, at least, know to be the And underneath an osier’s necessary preliminaries), proceeds to move through the water, Give me a good pump. according to the usual laws of motion. When you put the helm down, Let mes pl and ease away the head sheets, and so gradually ‘ raise tacks and sheets,’ Where I — eee, ay bend, and haul round the after-yards—‘ hauling of all,’ when the after sails ‘ fill’—she tacks according, also, to the usual laws—known to three of your Lordships. I have not observed that she rolls at all remarkably, or groans, or tears herself to pieces. It may surprise your Lordships, but such is the fact. Your Lordships are aware that you rarely have a Or ask—for lack of other mug— The nightingale to lend his jug. ¥ A stream should run from north to south, O’er which I’d hold my watering mouth ; -m |an egg is as as a feast. ar me renga a grandmothers: vessel (capable of sailing faster than a collier) which does not roll, groan, And if on more I fain would glut, and tear, whenever it comes on to blow. Give me a good-sized water-butt. “I have to thank your Lordships for not having caused any altera- : F : tion to bo: mado is the qeneeel bald of HW. 5. Prince ¢ Wales, while Let others sing the joys of wine— __ under my command. your Lordships made a change in the The cistern’s wholesome draught be mine ; baild of lueatem Swear fuse times, as you did to the ia, it I only need a small estate, would possibly have spoilt her, as it the Caledonia, 1 thank Enough to pay my water-rate. ou for your abstinence in this matter. It is with great deference that 1 hon idly o’er the ask o.question—bat, Do your Lordships take 20 maach pains about the Of come fi De Ap ts meg —_ Sg co rege tna etree ivieinaieitente w . . “7 guepenaiv any Seenin, chien E found thet H.M. 8. Prince of To cateh the fluid on my lip. Wales was a good , to that were about to have her Wealth has for me nor charm nor bribe, changed into a steamer. I remembered fate of the Penelope (with While water I can still imbibe ; all her architectural suitors), and expected to have had my vessel Let poets other seasons sing, lengthened, in order to undergo the said ‘sea change.’ 1 am But give me a perpetual spring. to your Lordships for your kindness in this particular. “ The Prince of Wales was supplied with the masts and rigging intended = = for her, and suited to her size, and not with those of any other of Her ipcaiibeminiesstaiisicbas. | mon your in future. 4 Lees : ‘ SE ee waar y PEE a enirtin hel at inter, a to em fa Re Sereeeinees soatenens ty Reteee, cael Oe ath ot wuts) deeetignen; a portion of Russia has left in cabs; fragments of the ae ld ee duty prompted, have generally 7oliverein have been carried off on trucks; and we have seen bits of given the preference to the latter authority. But 1 would (with per- France on the top of an omnibus; the Greek Slave was driven off in a mission) suggest to Lordships that these authorities be| spring-cart; and Cain and his Family took their departure in a very Oceasionally and harmonised. : : | -wheeled wagon. ae ae Se jun Soe -ceeaiions which 5 tase & submit to you. “ With regard tomy ic duties, as Commander of a British force, I : Mot a Bad Dodge. : leave them to your ips’ kind consideration. My conduct in the| By a curious coincidence, the name of one of the United States difficult matter of the of the compensation of the boy| Commissioners at the Exhibition of Industry was Mu. Doves. The Syoee, for the seizure of his by the Humane Society, was, {| Americans could not have selected a better representative, as far as trust, worthy of a British Sxoee-was compensated. Hnough,| name is concerned, for they have shown uss great many clever my Lords. I remember AtuEns; Liszon ! Dodges that were quite unknown to us before we dare say the = have paid off my crew, under the usual regulations, and they are of the whole. ere ree mei ae etre AE oe iin 5 SS ae ete ae Tire eee eetg eye Seba aches niaiemaneeeiell me

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI WHAT IS THE WATER-BAILIFF ? Tuat “had the honour of to Her Masesry, at Windsor. a fine living Sturgeon, P of one hundred weight.”_ Morning Post. On, Proresson Owey, surgeon, Pray inform us what they mean By the Creature with a sturgeon That was sent before the Quezx ? It is called a Water-Bailiff ; But, oh dear !—what cam it be? Did Haroun ALRASCHID, Caliph, Such a monster ever see ? Has the thing got fins to swim by ? Has it fangs within its jaws ? And the sturgeon, it caught bim by What legs, pincers, “ons, or claws ? London City keeps it, don’t it ? Is it skinn y-like—or fat ? Will it bite d’ ye know, or won’t it ? Is it round, or long, or flat ? Is it fish, or reptile rather ? Like a turtle, or aneel? ‘ Seems this nondescript of Father Thames an otter or a seal ? Has it bones, or only gristles ? Does it squeak i in any mode ? Has it horns, or spines, or bristles ? Is it spotted like a toad ?, What, suppose you, may its size be ? Is it white- blooded, or red ? Can you tell me if its eyes be In the hind part of its head ? Will it sting you ?—has it wattles ? Has it feelers, that will swathe Human beings’ limbs or throttles ? Will it seize you when you bathe ? Tell us if it has a tail—if Gills, or lungs—if scales, or not ? One strange power the Water-Bailiff —— on ae in got. s Anatomy “ diskiver” BLOOMERISM IN A BALL-ROOM. Anything that will explain How it lives in that same River, Which is one enormous drain ? Bloomer. “Max I wave tae Preasure or Dancixe tHe wext Poika witH rou?” 7 upon. But to have been enabled to form a conclusion on the subject, PRUDENCE AND MESMERISM AT HUNGERFORD hea have required the magnet to be suspended in its cas, HALL \instead of being set on a stand; and I should have wished Muss a 25 | Prupence to place her head leisurely on one side of the m and Ma. Ponca, ‘on the other—without =— and hurry. ‘So the 1 the power, | was “I went, the other eee to ha a heer Hall, Strand, to | told, was evanescent, and haste necessary. the magnet an but see an exhibition of animal magnet Lassalone and Mize. my mind, Mr. Punch, waanel in philoso Paupence, whom M. Eee | iy ‘oat her to sleep, causes to | “ A display of thought-reading follow do things that make her appear extremely wide a awake. |ten or twelve paces beh ind Miss Prupewce, im | “Miss Prupgnxce was soon made to slumber by the usual passes, | his mere will—to the that young lad which, though not at all aa by in themselves, are, in their | by any one who chose to come forward. effects—if they produce any—passing strange. to whomsoever he aon Se mired to send her “ The first feat Miss PruDENCE was to perform was that of causing an made her talk and ges as if she were | actual magnet to move without touching it. She had been divested of or what not—the = I might have been that of | her rings, and other ornaments, which might have been steel or iron | if Mr. Punch had chosen. | under a mask of gilt. I had satisfied myself that the magnet was a process by which the last-named wonder was worked, bond fide magnet, by applying my latch-ke hap thanpente, Miss Paupence— | | in the s ter of the idea to be impressed grasping = before being magus parently tried o make it move without | somnambulist, and willing the same thing as ' effect. She passed her forehead ye aed asked Mn. Lassaiowe to make her believe A from it; and the m no more stirred than if her head b been a} "serpent. In the mean time, I took her blockhead, instead of the knowledge-box of at least a very td young ~ might, _~ she should fancy herself —— —m . serpent, but not on qa fter she had been. magnetined, an on repeating the movement of her | |e efiect, on her whatever, that I could see. forehead near the magnet, the latter —— t, unmistakeably | process — unnecessary—then, why resorted to? oscillate. I was convinced that Miss Prupence imparted motion | though I was convinced that an idea was Snparted by Mn. LassalGNeE to the magnet. But | remarked that I was not sure whether Miss Miss Paopence, somehow, I could no more draw an inference as Provence did this by magnetic influence or by communicating | how it was done, than I could yn ge vibration through the floor. and stage-- “Miss Prupence very dramatically, of magnet to another | were whispered to Mn. Lassaiene, ” as he ter at of those who tested her, ) to be 5 | nor fools. t here, again, I wanted to analyze; and if I am it was » cumeined hy -~B- and could not yy nd othe miracle, merely because I cannot imagine F BS g85F F272 _

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V indsor ight.” — PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 185 died in a hat. Such an operation is not more incomprehensible than | at that period. wishing a series of ideas into the head of a person asicep a dozen} These | DENCE enacted attitudes, after divers statues and pictures. | alluded to. i U | thought Jim Crow’s ‘impossible—a caricature.’ “So I came away little wiser than I went; for I knew beforehand circles; and, that mesmerists show let you apply the rather necessary process of analysis. reference to their most which a chemist—or any other phi fact, scepticism. Nobody elsetalks thus, except friars and a. As | for it enables him to perceive the storm coming on, and to pass out o! long as mesmerists continue to resemble them, I am afrai i wonders, however authentic, reasoning men, than the relics of the one, or the panaceas of the other. | and the craft will frequently begin to heave in every direction. | rm by well be called upon to acknowledge that a tae | be | difficulty about Christmas time, domestic came are most prevalent of “Similarly, at the mental command of Mr. Lassaicne, Miss Prv-! of those fearful ups and downs which are met with at the time Anybody such as he chose. This I did, not out of buffoonery (which I despise), but because I safe in these storms; though the less substantial craft, unable to meet an unlikely figure to have been preconcerted. | an unusually heavy The interpreter, with a bland smile, told me that Jim Crow was /| the head above water. storms are not felt to o; so severely on those who are | provided with a heavy balance, which prevents the agitating influence I proposed Jim Crow.| Those who are protected by the shelter of a bank are comparatively t, will frequently be found incapable of keeping It is a singular fact, that domestic, like other storms, prevail in indeed, there is no circle in which they are not to be phenomena, to which they seldom | found; for they visit the family circle, the higher circles, and the lower ah They —— | circles, with — equal regularity. prodigies, the common caution with; A ugh understanding verifies the least remarkable | invaluable to a master having the © domestic hurricane is of course of one of the weaker vessel led by a great deal of puffing gradually to a regular blow up; Some i that their|it. A domestic storm is y no more credit amongst |and blowing, which leads more or “Yours truly, “Tue Scerrica, GENTLEMAN.” ST. PATRICK’S JOURNALS. on™. OMB days ago the Times quoted a f 8 h of Lorp Lucan’s from . Irish Daily Express, which speech, itturnsout, Lonp Lucan never made. Punch might have done—nay, has done—the same thing. Irish papers should be careful. A mistake in the Times may be rectified with- out much harm; but a blunder in Punch must remain uncor- for a week, during which, it is of course acti like a blunderbuss. Mr. Pune. would like to see an Irish re- rt of a Parliament om Col- ege Green. The London re- are picked men, and do their spiriting accurately, as well as gently. But were their places supplied by some of their yen at home, we should probably find now and then, of a fine morning, one of Mr. W. J. Fox’s harangues ascribed to Srx Roperr Inows, or a speech of Coroner Sip-| THOR?’s saddled on Lonp Joun Russet. THE LAW OF DOMESTIC STORMS. Watzst scientific men are very laudably devoting themselves to the | storms in general, we propose investigating that particular branch of the subject which is ieable to every-day life; for a know- domestic storms must be useful to all porters from the Emerald Isle | masters endeavour to meet the storm by heaving to; but this often doubles, without subduing, its violenee. ‘he damage done daring a domestic storm of this nature is always very great, and a family wreck is not unfrequently the sad consequence. The numerous different airs that prevail, and form, as it were, the elements of a domestic storm, would form a long and lament- able chapter of themselves; but we give the heads of afew of the | principal. Sometimes a storm begins with trifling airs, but these often Increase suddenly to a squall of most c ter. Some- | times a storm commences with vapours, which egrees dissolve into | moisture, and a squall springs up, accompani by torrents of tears | rushing down the face of nature, or ill-nature, with fearful fury. A | storm of this kind passes over more quickly than some of the other | sorts, though the craft often right over on her beam-ends ; and under these circumstances, if allowed to lay-to for a time, she will | most probably right of herself, without the mate or master taking any trouble. If he is timid, he will probably begin to try and bring the craft round, by taking her out of cutting away her rigging, or | some other desperate process ; but the way is to leave her alone, though it is sometimes justifiable to ° her jib well into the water, for the purpose of keeping her steady. the domestic storm threatens to be d bly durable, and the squall continues, it may be advisable to lower the gaff, by reefing the throat-rope or cap-st under the jaws, and make all taut and quiet. This process is termed, in nautical hraseology, bending a spanker; and there is no doubt that the most ormidable spanker may be bent by a firm adoption of the plan suggested. If she labours much, you can ease the throat-rope, so as to give room for everything to work fairly aloft; but if you see a squall getting up, clew her down immediately. the ruin caused by a domestic hurricane, in | writer first conceived the idea of giving is head to a subject about which his head had been broken more than though he had never before thought of collecting together the | He had observed that the various domestic storms he had encoun- troublesome craft, though sometimes sudden y some d i cause, and frequently took | the same direction, by concentrating towards himself al! their vielonee. He resolved, therefore, on keeping a log, or journal, in which he} Punch’s Game of Definitions. Emrry Gnreatsess.—The Crystal Palace with everything taken out of it. Tue Howow Woxtv.—Mx. Wriv’s Great Globe. HOCUS VERSUS POCUSB. : i | noted down, from hour to hour, the state of the craft to which he acted | as mate—with the nominal rank of commander. : Accorpine to the Rambler, the Holy Office—as our papistical con- | He described her| temporary calls the Inquisition—has probibited the practice of Animal | , her behaviour in rough weather, the| Magnetism. Clairvoyance, perhaps, is an infringement of the patent of | sorts of airs; and, in fact, he collected | 8. 5. (?) lewarrus Loyvoxa and Rose Tamisten. The mongery | t any judicious mate, attached to a line does not, more than any other trade, admit of rivals. ; | similar craft, would find little difficulty in her management. ry Erg | same hurricanes ail ic experience, is the fact, that the | Arrrnwoon Eurrorment Waxrep—by a Gentleman, who, in con- | il at about the same periods of the year; and it| sequence of the Closing of the Great Exhibition, doesn't know what on | | § remarkable, that though the wind seems to be raised with immense! earth to do with himself. Address, A. Lounorn, Esq., Fop’s Alley. | sao aa tata ' ni De er er petas ny neta NS ce) —~ vr es

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CHARIVARI. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ug oe i . a > j vs i Wn Se ol i THE GRACES. (After Canova—A very Long Way.) NEW EMANCIPATION OF THE BLACKS. We are happy to observe that there has lately been a new Emancipation movement, which has en in freeing those unhappy objects, the Ethiopian Serenaders, from the fetters of soot and butter which for some time they have laboured under. Formerly our streets swarmed with these miserable slaves to circumstances, and there was scarcely a room or a thoroughfare which had not a party of those Ethiopian Serenaders, concert- who, by blackening their own faces, may be said to viheation—in public taste—has rel The advance of civ from their former degradation, and they can clean faces, if i no sconer pu on iterated; but it m be our pride to sooner puts his ond washes end the Ulask tense of head under the British pump than he y ah amy Bf wears the com have causeda stain on humanity. thousands of these poor creatures in our streets with comparatively the boast of England, that the difference in colour was virtually think that the —— Serenader no ion of freedom, What Language do they Speak in California’ Taene is a at the present moment in France (tickets 1 franc 25 centimes each), which is called La be gee It is established for the purpose of sending fornia aT aw Pm very where the Lingot D'Or would be of the California would be the for think greatest benefit ; we do not know WHAT TO DO WITH PART OF THE SURPLUS. A conresPonDEsT has sent us the following, and though we cannot agree with the orthography, rhythm, lor rhyme, we do with the sentiment, and therefore print the poem in its entirety :-— thank Gop the Exhibition s closed And may we find it true that something is to help the suffering few first is the case of poor Aww Hicks deprived of food and home together let us put her Bricks nor longer let her Roam these are the wishes of her friends and they are not a few that she may yet be made amends and they A Cottage viea with pretty garden with flowers Bright and gay as all who past could see the ground, ere she was turnd away and as she lost her little all By that most cruel deed— we hope to hear that not A small sum s granted in its stead next is the case of the poor man who 17 years and more in Hyde Park earnd his Bread let him go Back his heart is sore | he wishes he d a been dead ; eg « - of A workhouse he parted with Bat was compeld to enter one throgh losing of his stal let s give him some assistance nor to wrongs thus show resistance Justice for him let s gaine thirdly Lacy near Victoriar Lodge oan La got But through the Palace ” Way chery eaten exp eitiihnet y where hunted away let us hope that some help may be granted ther soon to hide such actions tis wise nor let it be said at the end of next moon that charitys claims despise No 4 is Sercer A Cri for life with children to keep and A sickly wife where sure to be seen at there stall every day A neat little tent and not in the way their goods where all choice the people were civel those who turnd them away where workers c! ivel— for want of there Rent their furniture took give a few pounds at once send them back to their nook so that if justice take Place and say only one laid out as it ought my Af the tears of those now in sorrow w many are a yr truths in this tale nov I am one that can suffer a deal of anxiaty So if thiss not approved of Ill Remain ver Quietely Owe or 5. TO CORRESPONDENTS. *.* Will “Poor Old Soul” let us know where « letter can be sent to him? | Es so Eze .35 Fre ?

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, and thm, efore with ther ay were tk to PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 187 EDUCATION IN THE ARMY. o> UNCH is ‘\ happy tohear 4 £ 4 Hye \ that the sys- Gert, }} tem of edu- cating the wis’ Army an- swers, ex- ceedingly well, and that the candidates answer so well the questions proposed to them, that it is in contemplation to submit to the grow- ing intellects of the rising mili gene- ration something of a more difficult na- ture than has yet been offered. Their advance in tables has been so rapid that those who used once to under- stand nothing be- yond the billiard table and the mess table, have their minds now furnished with half-a-dozen tables besides, in-| cluding the multiplication table, the interest table, and a quantity of other tables, the leaves of which have been furnished from the books of the best authorities. The following are a few pete s thrown out for the benefit of | those who are entrusted with the delicate task of teaching the young | military idea to do something more than shoot, which was formerly his | sole accomplishment. If —- pounds make one stone, how many stones will make one | stone wall If five yards and a half make a Pole, what is the height of « Hun-| ian ? Test with two birds the accuracy of the arithmetical propositions, that | thirty and a quarter square yards will make one perch, and that two | gallons will make one peck. If \uere are sixteen nails in one Pes how is it that there ought never to be more than five nails in a foot ? If a certain number of make a pipe, is it possible, with any quantity of bird’s eye, to make a cigar? If he earth takes twenty-four hours to get round the sun, how many hours will it take for a son to get round an angry father ? _Keduce pounds to shillings, by billiards, brandy-and-water, and cigars. Ii fifty-four gallons make one hogshead, how much pig-headedness wil he necessary to make one butt? ‘ If twelve dozen make a gross, how many dozen make a publican’s seore f If seventy-two words are required in common Jaw to make a sheet, how is it ror one word will sometimes make a wet blanket, when a favcur is being asked ? If Tre eee dyers earn three pounds a day by dyeing, and spend it all, what does it cost each man to live? SERMONS IN (BRIGHTON) STONES. One of the female and puerile amusements of Brighton is the picking up of pebbles on the beach, and cheating oneself, or being cheated by \ocal lapidaries, into the belief that the -tones are, to a certain extent, precious, and that they are worth the expense of polishing. A lady, or a child, tarns up a round pebble, runs with it to the lapidary, who ims it to be a fine emerald, and sends home in the course of the day a piece of green glass similar in size to the stone that had been left with him. ——— seems to have as many heads as te ; for, long si an end to the old notion that London is paved with gold, the kindred idea that the Brigh‘on ious stones seems to be still prevalent. As the deed, his countenance and bearing impress me with an idea that he is a fine, noble fellow ; but you know that appearances sre fallacious, Nor has he, as yet, done anything ridiculous; but a foreigner, who to be connected with him, is going about braided with red, looking like a fireman waterman, This man is : tionably melodramatic; and Kossurs himself could not deny that he is a supernumerary. you that I have heard no less than two res him as a rebel, and I am credibly informed that one young this. It will be an awful waste, both of sympathy and victuals; | for his Worship the Mayor, under whose-auspices it is got up, is gold,” so all that the lapidaries are| notorious for going the entire animal, not only in liberalism, but in - prepared to cut, polish, and charge for, are not jewels. | THE SKY-BLUE SONG. Suggested by Auynup Texwysor's Bugle Song in “ The Princess,” Tue Milkman calls at the outer walls, And many a maid from upper story Comes down the stairs in the dress she wears, In all her afternoon-tide glory. “ Oh, milk below!” sets the wild echoes flying, “ Ob, milk below!” crying, crying, erying. Ah me, oh dear, how thin and clear, Thinner and clearer daily growing ! I almost deem that I hear the stream Of water into the milk-can flowing. * Oh, milk below!” I’m surely never buying, * Oh, milk below!” lying, lying, lying! Oh, that is the bue of the pale sky-blue, hat ’s made from cistern, pump, or river; No cow in a field such stuff would yield, The sight of it makes me shiver, shiver. “Oh, milk below!” thus I send it flying— Go, Milkman, go! lying, lying, lying ! KOSSUTH AT SOUTHAMPTON, (By our own Reporter.) | Your own reporter ought to be at least one of a thousand, Your humble servant is one of two or three thousand, who in genteel language | may perhaps be called a mob, that followed Kossuta up the High Street | of Southampton. When I say I followed Kossurn, I mean I followed Kossurn’s | carriage. When [ say I followed Kossurn’s carriage, I mean | followed | the Mayor or Sourmampron’s carriage, which contained the Mayor, | several other gentlemen, and Kossutn. And when I say I followed | the Mayor or SourHampton’s carriage, I mean I followed the last of three post-chaises which followed in the wake of the Mayor's carriage, if the carriage of his Worship the Mayor, or any other carriage, can said to have a wake. | Followed only by the post-chaises and the people, Kossuru may be said to have cut rather a mean and shabby figure in bis progress up the High Street. No splendid line of vehicles, driven by liveried eoach- men, filled with rank and beauty, and adorned with scutcheons, formed his train. Their place was supplied simply by an enthusiastic multi- tude, whose vociferous cheers, and the waving of handkerchiefs from every window, constituted the only welcome of the Hungarian chieftain. A considerable number of persons assembled to witness the present- ation of the banner, and the addresses to Kossurn, in the Town Hall. But it is a mistake to suppose that these comprised the entire popula- tion of Southampton and the neighbourhood, as many as two or three retired Admirals and half-pay officers stood aloof from the proceedings, and denounced them with imprecations. In acknowledgment of the honours paid him by the corporation and the inhabitants, Kossutu made a speech, which candour compels me to admit was decidedly eloquent, and replete with feeling that may be described as noble and generous: but his warmest admirers must confess that it was disfigured by a slightly foreign accent. It is true that he did not express any Red Republican, Socialist, or Communist sentiments, nor did he violently abuse even his enemies; but he elicited | a strong expression of disgust and detestation against the Emrxnon or Austria, the more remarkable because it was accompanied: by manifestations of the most fervent loyalty towards the Queen ov Great Britar ! I cannot conscientiously say that Kossutm looks like a humbug: in- Reo ioe belch ond a baat nes- In spite of the alleged popularity of the Magyar leader, I can assure ble persons condemn gentleman gy that he ought to be hanged. Kossuta banquet will have taken place before you can print liberality. Vou. EXI. U ie .

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PUNOH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. A DISTURBANCE IN HADES, BY A COCKNEY GHOST. Iw the regions below, I have oft heard it said, They preserve, with great care, all the clothes of the dead,— That a ghost, when it visits this world, ay a In the very same garments it wore when ’twas For since in our dressing ’tis always the plan To conceal our proportions as much as we can, The ghost of a Riend would be strange to our eyes If it were not arrayed in its former disguise ; And a husband would scarcely remember his wife If she hadn’t the bustle she wore in her life And much as we ‘ve read of the and sages, The heroes and princes who lived in past ages, I very much question if one of us knows Half so much of their forms as he does of their clothes : ‘The shade of Naro.zon would pass without note, In a wide-awake hat, and a cut-away coat And so would Queen Bess, if nt es of her ruff, And dressed in a victorine, polka, and While if Casan bad one of the palette i in vogue, a Mere snob he would look for the want of his toga. For reasons like these, ’tis abundantly clear They preserve in Elysium the same sort of gear As they wore in the time of their eartlily career. In Hapes there lately was whispered a rumour That Cuarow had just ferried over a Bloomer. Up jumped Atexanper, Deror, and Leanper, Betsuazzar, Bon Maya, and wise Peatanpe Carrats Cooke, Mr. Bourxe, Epictetus, and LEMY, And Cassar, who cried out to ——— “ Come, follow me: : Mosane left off junuine a scena to Tit +" Core. stopped pla mi a a Sr. Virus: Sr. Antony quitted his seat Tumbled over his pig and ran t ~ 3 And so did Cettint and Hirax of Tyre, And pious /Eszas, who his sire On his back, as he did from Tro ~—™ . Penevore threw down her and her Clothes up for a race with the GRISELD«; And Hexen cried loudly, “ Ho! ee A Bloomer is coming '—Mfy dear, “ness her?” And on they all hurried in haste ; 5 Dut ry In her zeal to be there first, let nobod pt Till at length, with much pushing, LA -—t squeezing, A pastime too hot in that place to a § With a thousand ghosts more, whom | cannot "enumerate, They contrived to arrive the unfortunate Bloomer at. Of course, a tremendous discussion arose On the style and the cut of the new-comer’s clothes ; For although Jzanyz pz Montrort, Joan D’ Arc, and Semina xis Had worn them before her, and n’t think her amiss, Yet Lats, and Tats, and Ninow pz — Thought nothing so modest and as long clothes ; And Muvos observed to his friend nanameanenee, If they dress up Jawe, Eurty, Potty, or Aww thus, *Twill breed such a constant confusion in Hapzs, We shan’t know a gentleman’s ghost from a lady's, Here some of the men wished to speak in her favour, But Aspasta bade them learn how to behave, or Not all their endeavours from vengeance should save her. And Mapame Du Barry and Mapame pe Pompapour Much wondered how any one could such a romp adore. But if she fared ill with the belles and the toasts, She had better success with the blue-st ghosts ; For though Hannan More, Tames: ~~ ESEY ’ might scorn er, Sarrno took Mary Worstowecrart sents 0 And whispered—“ Had I but ys I might not have died in ae oe And Mapame pu Georrrot, and spi Gamazs, hed Masann 00 Ia >, ough acy cach “i Teg had ‘en, 1 nd Mapame pu " em, Might have done for a fore 4 ~' By this time the ghosts all That PLuto—who usually lets ss eueaall Bade the famous Count p’Bom take ae ee Joax, sO gay, on, his chair, SEEEE SBERPSSE

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PUNCH, OR THE put on the ——— a shame, is no secret to us at all ; the Court make a fuss at all, not only to fool us, c orld bow completely they rule us, Tis time such a baneful and gra itati Should be marked by our serious di We therefore decree that the culprit feeling of sorrow comes o’er us, a woman so nice-looking—(here lis = ; : When we think t WW VM) Mi) Bs) 1 b amen A dal BLOOMERISM! Strong-Minded Female, “ Now, D0, PRAY, AL¥RED, PUT DOWN THAT Foo.isu Nove, to yield all? May we no anp po Soweruine Rationat. Go axp piay Someruine on Tue Piano ; Practise, now rou ne Manaizp.” THE BLOOMER CONVULSION. LONDON CHARIVARL 199 | Eyes furtively glanced to the daughter of Cenzs)— Should so early be lost to a sense of propriety, As to think that a lady may court notoriety ;— We therefore decree that the culprit return To the place whence she came—that her comrades may learn (And the lesson, perhaps, will convince by its rarity) That we cannot bear those who affect singularity.” Thus spoke the grim Judge ; and then, quitting his seat, Said the Court would step out for a mouthful to eat : And the ghosts highiy pleased with their ruler’s behest, Bustled off to their several places of rest. fair play. How could it? The panting, dove, pent up and pinched by steel or whalebone! What an organ it might have been, left, like a wild gourd, to grow in freedom! There can be no doubt of the fact, that the heart of Mas. CoLoweL Buoomgr, since her emancipa- tion, has waxed twice its size. The Colonel has scarcely known it for his own, Stays have our heartiest abhorrence. But for petticoats? Well, it costs us a struggle ; but—Mars. Boomer has triumphed—we give them up; and with them all the privileges that, upon the despotic strength of the biforked garment, we have hitherto taken to ourselves, As men, we propose to become ive ; and if possible interesting. e will change sides, duties, obligations. Woman has hitherto been d to the earth—such | | is the avowal of the American Bloomer Priestess, from | Miss Ketty’s Tripod, Dean. Street, Soho-— pulled towards the very centre by the weight of her petticoats; | but she now throws them to the winds, and is straight- way free and buxom as Drama. oman—says the | Sibyl Bloomer—makes the best ruler; witness Exiza- | petu, Anne, Vicrorta, Even so: but ‘then, they did not rule in small-clothes, We are bound to look at both sides of the question. If a Queen regnant take to pantaloons, may she not, with male attire, assume masculine weakness? But the answer of the Bloomer is ready and confoundi “Tyrant, the women were great and good despite of their petticoats.” | The Soho Bloomer declares that the‘original fault of | | Eve, that for a time made her the serf of her husband, | has been pardoned; and to start from the present, that |*she was equal to man; and as she had never con- | sented to the several laws enacted in her behalf, she | | ought not, in justice, to be bound by them.” This may | | be true; but, unhappily, the like argument applies to | millions of men, privileged in all the Le of tailorship. | Nevertheless, we are still reminded of the great moral | questions involved in the Bloomer leggings. With | trousers comes social and political freedom. Forego | the cumbrous, degrading i and the woman is emancipated—equal with her sometime lord. “ The Mountain Nymph, sweet Liberty,” at one bound, asserts herself by going into small-clothes ! “The nineteenth century”—says the Soho Bloomer —* is to be one in which women are to have their own way. As yet they have never fully developed their powers.” But is there to be no co’ mise? Are men t cages f-and-half? For you wvER | instance, may not the House of Lords be enlarged into the House of Lords and Ladies ? a May not the House of Commons divide with the women ? Bioomer is right : there is an intimate connexion, a subtle sympathy, between| At the Horse it would be pretty to see, on Mas. ! liberty and smail-clothes. Who remembers not the early burst of inde May not the Judges seat their wives in equal power beside them ? ence upon | one side a giant G a the other a giantess Keclesiasticus? “ He put | ect glory, and | Guardswoman—a big h b ‘ Pit nant aitfer inpaation, the| And there can be no doubt that the wives of the With pantaloons, comes equality. We! Bishops could fully share the Bishops’ duties; only now threaten to toe the came line at a| they} must never think of demeaning themselves by being breeched? What says 5 fale Sp not tn thems, but tn. Chair pottiooete is have shamefully women back, but they — had their day : it a part of his dail it is now the doom of earing the Bishops’ aprons. i ~ as the Bloomers are to have all their own way, thanksgiving that he was | and very properly too, may we be permitted humbly to | to spin = few months longer, and the | make two or three inquiries upon a very and | ul acknowledgment, eritor of that bad conditi wildly pulling | delicate subject ; fo In love matters,—Is the Bloomer to pop the question ? is enemy’s| In the marriage ceremony,—Is the man to vow to | obey the Bloomer ? remorse, that the laced and swathed, and And—(we are half ashamed to make the i iy, tas : P _

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. A DIRTY FINGER IN THE PIE. ‘Tue story goes that once upon a time a small, impudent chimney- sweeper entered & pastrycouk’s shop, and laying bis sooty finger amid the jam of a tart, inquired knowingly—" What do you ax for this spiled tart ?” 8. Francs 0’ Conyor, like the chimney-sweeper, would spoil almost every political and social pie he thrusts his finger into. He has put his finger in the Kossutn and if not with damaging effect, it is not his fault. He at the Hanover Rooms meeting, and in allusion to that “ infernal old ruffian, Harwavc,” benevo- lently remarked that Banctay any Peaxtns’ draymen “ really ought to have put him into a brewing vat, and boiled him.” Boiling Harwav, and welcoming KossuTH, have, of course, one and the same social in- ference. When we consider what the brewers’ men merely did, with what Feanous O’Coxxon would not have left undone,—how much exalted are the draymen above the chimney-sweeper ! PORTRAITS FROM THE LATE EXHIBITION. ——_@ As a popular contem portraits and biographies of gentlemen conne ) whose families and friends will naturally provide themselves with copies of their relatives’ lives countenances, Mr. Punch, ever anxious to benefit self and public, has it in contemplation to ornament journal with LIVES AND PORTRAITS OF THE EXHIBITORS Who have not gained Prizes at the Exposition of 1851. And to this highly interesting class he strongly recommends * ere 4 cation, of which if but six copie weekly be taken by we ky hibiter a decent remuneration cannot fail to attend the labours of | J As specimens taken at hazard , Mr. Punch offers for the present week, pictures and biographies of— has given a number of highly interesting | nected with the Exhibition, | his | 7°** were studying there. It does not appear that any pilose of Harrow, any more than at the Exhibition of 1851; hi genius, though useful, not being brilliant, and his powers of application being only trifling. Mx. Poperrs was removed from Harrow to Copperpore Col Oxford, in the year 18—, and here, though not distin ished he classical attainments, he was very near gaining the prize of valour ina single combat with a gigantic bargeman at Iffley Lock ; but the mariner proved the better man, and an injury to Mr. Popozns’s nose was the only permanent consequence of the rencontre. It was not till 1823 that he inherited, by the demise of the fallant Major, his father, his estate of Hodgers-Podgers, Hants, where he now resides, occupying himself with agricultural pursuits, and with hunting, although increasing years and weight have rather wearied him of that occupation. Ma. Poncers is a magistrate and a man ; the father (by Eurty, daughter of the Revenzsp Feirx Raserrs) of thirteen children. His spud was invented towards the close of the year 1850, and it is unnecessary to particularise this invention, which bas not been found to answer better than, or indeed to differ yreatly from, implements of a like simple nature. Mz. Popcers’s opinions as a politician are well known. Not noisy he is consistent ; and has often been heard to say, that if all England were like him, we should get Protection back again. England being of the contrary opinion, no such result is expected. He is three score old, and weighs, we should think, a good fourteen stone ten. F Mas, Freperica Giinpers, Avtuor ov a CounTERPANE. Mrs. Guovpers retained, by marrying her cousin, her own maiden and respectable name. Mr. Giiwpers, her father, has long heen known as a distinguished medical practitioner at Bath. Ma. Frrzror Girvpers, her husband, is a solicitor in that city.’ In Bath, or its charming neighbourhood, the chief part of the exist- ence of Mus. Giiwpers has been passed. It was here that she con- tracted, in the a 1836, that matrimonial engagement with the Reverend Ma. FippLesury, which was so seandalously broken off by the Reverend Gentleman, [who married Miss Burr. The jury of an off country awarded Miss Giispers £500 for the damage thus done to her affections, which sum she brought as dowry to her’cousin, the (then) young Frrzrzory Guy pers, who conducted her case. Their union has been blessed with a considerable family: and indeed Mx. GLINDERS’S oper ings fb of them, that he has been obliged to take another pew c ‘ The washerwoman of Bath has evervhad a constant friend in Mas. Samort Ponorrs, Esq, Exmisrtorn 1x tue Acricutrurat Derartwent :| GLinpDeRs. The thoughtless chimney-sweep, the ignorant Rey Sete J An Inprovep Srvp, Nor IN THE Least Noticed BY THE CommITTER. } means for bettering their the third child, of Mazon | dingoes have found her eager in their behalf. Mr. Ponegrs is the eldest son, t Poverns, of the Horse Marines, which he commanded on the death of their Colonel, in the flotilla action in the Bay of . The Major married Betta, seventh daughter of Sra RoceLEs, of Wrogglesby, Northamptonshire, in which county the old Saxon family of w since the days of ALrrep. ' iqui Mr. Poperrs received Reverewp Da Gare, at Northam -on-the-Hill, where he would have been a of man of her own city have always been plentifully i I The counterpane sent for previous exhibition to the national Expo- wollen strigpd Use cad piah, Cont enh Reapel poey son poppe 8 ue ink, with a rich fri and It occupied Mus. Gtaseaet two handred and ebentp-teae evenings, Sp pat wander tho ches 02 bar cal Sesame ofartae tos oleae pass r eyes own ign, over t though a benighted, m Mus. Giuspers thoucht ¢ was not to be She had fits prize list, and had even entertained i i Da. Pann, Sir Wittram Jones, Lonp B and Sir had he beem placed at this fumnows echoed while thoes eminent indivadeals mniiite [ et tiene bee, a aii

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Leesa sera? FERS PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 191 of her family and friends, it is to be hoped that she will be, in the words (lightly altered) of car temsavtal bard. “herself sgn.” | } } Proresson Stamcozs :—“A Katonatuas,” on “Stamcon’s Gent's | own Heap or Harr,” Horatio Netsow Stamcoe was born in the New Cut, Lambeth, in| the year when England lost her greatest naval hero. His mother having witnessed the funeral of Trafalgar’s conqueror, determined to bestow on her child, if a son, the glorious names of the departed ; hence, in due time, the two Christian names of the subject of this memoir. The parents of Mr. Stamcog were in humble life ; and for | the eminence which he has subsequently acquired, he has to thank his | genius rather than his education, which was neglected for the \abours B | necessary to one whose own hands must work his own livelihood. “SOMETHING IN THE CUPBOARD.” Mr. and Mas. Jomw Burt sat by the fireside. “My dear,” said Mas. But, “you must make mea greater allowance for housekeeping.” “ Really, my dear,” said Burt, in_his kind, stupid way, “ really I did think of to take a little off.” “ A little off!” exclaimed Mus. Butt. “ A little off. For, consider ; bread cheap—meat going down—candles falling—soap lowering,” —and so BULL was going on, when Mrs. BULL ground herself upon her chair, as she Wag wont when much put upon, and declared she would speak. “ Cheap or not cheap,” cried Mus. Bors, “all I know is this ; it takes rome: fg keep the house than it did; things don’t go half the way they u . Ma. Seis looked into the fire—looked down upon the hearth-rug— rubbed his knees, and said, “There must be something in the cup- “ Nonsense,” cried Mus. Bot; strange, and [ gan’t make it out can’t think what it is.” “Is it mice?” asked Burs. “Is it a fiddlestick? Look at our Grey Cat: and what that cat's cost us, nobody can tell. Still, for all I keep the key, the things do go strangely.” “It must be mice,” said Buxx, “ Tt can’t be mice,” said Bui.’s wife. “Rats, then!” said the good man, “Jou, my dear, you ’re enough to aggravate a saint, It’s neither rats, nor mice, nor cockroaches, nor nothing of the sort; still, for all that, if it was the last word [ had to speak, [ know there's something in the cupboard,” But was a little touched by the carnestness of his wife, for the tears were coming into her eyes. Therefore Joun rose from his seat, opened the cupboard door, and though Mrs, BuLt saw nothing, Buwt himself beheld, in his mind’s eye, neither rat—nor mouse—nor cock- chafer ; but— But what ? long, black, sinewy Kaflir! The sav grinned maliciously at ULL; who, with a groan, shut the cupboard door. “And that rascal savage ”—said Bus to himself—* will be in my cupboard for many a then she added, “ Yet it is things don’t goas they did, I Well and skilfully, through five-and-thirty years, have the hands of | j., Horatio Stamcos toiled. Early taken under the roof of a tonsorial practitioner in the Waterloo Road, Mr. Stamcor learned the rudiments | of a trade which by him has been elevated to an ert; for if to imitate | beautiful Nature be Art, what man deserves the proud name of artist better | than the elegant perruquier? At twenty-one years of age, Mr. Stamcoe | his young hands, and offe had the honour of attending at L—mb—th Palace, with a wig made by to a late reverend Prelate of our Church. Proressor 8. — ill for Episcopacy when those ornaments of our dignified divines fell into desuetude. As Napoteow crowned himself King and Emperor, so it was, we) believe, that Horatio Stamcoz dubbed himself Professor. His inventions are known to the world, and their beneficent influence is exemplified in his own Before he ever attempted continental travel, his “ Balsam of Bohemia” was discovered ; just as America was discovered by Cotumsvs before that philosophic Genoese put foot on shipboard. His Tuscan Dentifrice ; his Carthaginian Hair-dye; his Fountain of Hebe, are world cosmetics, without which (he says) no toilet is complete. They are to be procured at his establish- ment, -_ College of Beauty,” with —— liberal —— to the | trade, who should beware of unprincipled imitators, only too eager to | adopt the discoveries of the Professor. That the Kalonaturx, or Gent’s own Head of Hair, should have been | unrewarded by a Medal, is one of those instances which cries shame on the awards of the Committee. Let us hope it was not a conspiracy on the of rival wig- (enemies of Mx. Stamcos through life), whi Pr defeated the object of his ambition. But if there be any individuals blighted like himself, whose hair turned white in a single night, as some men’s have through disappointment, the Professor re- commends to such his Carthaginian dye, which will prevent the world, at from ing what ravages _ has , and manly pride would hide ; ough it will scarcely be credited, the Professor's own hair is indebted for its rich jelly colour solely to the Carthaginian discovery. | | Tux Sort ov Lec vuat Looxs Weir in Bioomen Perriioons. | The Grey Cat, curled in a round, slept unconcernedly upon the hearth-rug. “ Get out of that,” cried Buu, flinging out his foot. “ Why do you kick the Grey Cat ?” said Mus. Buit, “If something’s in the cupboard, it isn’t his fault,” on it?” cried Buxs, and with an unbelieving groan, he shook his hea “YOUR VERY HUMBLE SERVANT.” Tue emigration from Ireland is beginning to show its effects in a demand for servants from other countries; but the demand will be greater than the supply if the vacancies are as thoroughly vacant of all advantages as the following. The annexed advertisement certainly shows that there is an “ opening’’ for an industrious man ; but it is an opening which is only calculated to let in an unfortunate oecunant. The extract is from the “ Ayr Observer,” and one would imagine that the servants in Ayr are expected to live on the local atmosphere. A SCOTCH BUTLER FOR IRELAND. y TANTED A BUTLER, or General Inside Servant, who is strictly honest, sober, and orderly in his habits. He would have the assistance of a Boy to clean shoes, and bring water, &c..4e. He should be a good attendant at table, and understand the care of furniture, and keep bimself reat in his person. The terms given are £20 per annum, with a suit of plain clothes ; to pay for his own washing ; and there is neither beer nor tea given to any of the servanta, Apply to Mx. J. , Ayr, or Mu. A. J. ——, Parsonstown, Ireland, We do not exactly understand the meaning of the term “inside” servant, unless it is intended that the butler should act also as cook, and thus promote all the “inside” arrangements of the family. He must be sober, and, indeed, he can hardly be otherwise, seeing that there is “neither beer nor tea given to any of the servants.” He is to have “a suit of plain clothes, to pay for his own washing,” from which it would seem that he is to be continually pawning his coat to meet bis washing bill. This is an Irish mode of discharging a liability, which | may answer once or twice; but if this practice were general, a suit of clothes would at length get so déeply mortgaged, that it would be necessary to extend the operation of the Encumbered Watates Act to the coats, waistcoats, and trousers of the Butlers of Ireland. Cazryet News.—It is said that Lonp Sxrmovn is to be called to a seat in the Cabinet. Common humanity for the other Ministers in- duces us to make this inquiry—Is his to be muzzled ?

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL MISCHIEF OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE. Tue Crystal Palace baffled man phecies. ae did not tumble A ana it was not blown inside out—it did not humours of the body politic. But the | Crystal Palace has — occasioned the Kaffir war! A profound man in the | Morning Herald has, to national be- | | wilderment, discovered this ! | “The Doxe or Wetimvetow was afraid to | | send out above 1500 troops, because it was | feared all our small army might be required | | about London. Had 6000 or 7000 troops been | | sent out on the outbreak of the war, all migit \ | now have been settled.” And now, says Mencaror, the ex- |penses of the war will cost a couple lof millions! And all along of the | Crystal Palace! With this conviction, \it is to be hoped that Corowen Sie- | ituone (who may be “Mercator” |himself) will move, that the Royal | Commissioners pay into the Exchequer ithe quarter of million balance, in part liquidation of the two millions to be expended. If Sin Josera Paxtoy, as | the great originator of the Crystal | mischief, were also sent as a life, prisoner to the Tower, it might bea | warning to future projectors. on = we — - n oO ~ = ° ae = HIS Seperate, is r > + : no doubt that the recent scientific | ONE OF THE DELIGHTFUL KESULTS OF BLOOMERISM.—IHE LADIES WILL casieiie of Mu. Hozns will place him | POP THE QUESTION. where Hopss always ought to be— | | Superior Oreature. “Sax! Ou, say, Deanest! Witt rou sz Mrs?” &c., &c. by the side of the Great. rrwarT fr, fa, Oy FT AsA THE EX-UNPROTECTED FEMALE, UNDER THE UNITED INFLUENCE OF A STRONG-MINDED FRIEND, AND THE INSULTS OF MR. JONES, DISPLAYS SYMPTOMS OF BLOOMERISM. | Scenze.—The Back Parlour in Great Coram Street. Time—October, 1851. | The Ex-Unrnorecten Femate discovered in téte-a-téte with Miss| Miss Rust (recalling the Ex-Uxrnorecrep to the point). I spoke of | Ruwt, @ most superior and very strong-minded woman, settling into| woman in that country. I’m told they have institutions there, and / the forties, and owning to thirty-six, with a long nose, a loud voice, a | female gymnastics, and public meetings, at which women address the large foot, and a general boniness of build, full of enthusiasm for | audience ; and what is the consequence? A woman may travel by “isms,” and of scorn for conventionalities, herself from one end of the United States to the other, and have the | best places in the coaches, and the best cabins in the steamboats, and | Miss Runt (rising). And now, my dear Mrs, Jonzs, I must really be | the best of everything, in fact. i soing. | The Ex-Unprotected (pertinaciously recurring to her prejudices). But | Lhe Bx-Unprotected, Oh, don’t say so, Miss Runt! Jones will be in| [’m told they spit dreadfully all over, wherever they are; and carry to tea directly; and he is always so glad to see you. You know he | bowie-knives and pistols in their pockets, with ever so many blades— | does so admire your conversation. He says you talk ust like a man— | I mean the bowie-knives, you know— I think it is—or like a book. 1’m not quite sure. Now,dositdown| Miss Runt (with condescension). You are speaking of the men, my another five minutes. dear Mus. Joves. The men in America, I presume, are like the men Miss Runt (with modest self-consciousness, and sitting down again). 1) everywhere else, egotistical, vain, ignorant, and presumptuous. never could see, my dear Mas. Jones, why woman should not talk like| The Er-Unprotected (mysteriously, but with swperiority). Ab, my dear! man. : | you’ve no notion what they are till you’re married. JowEs was quite The Pe Mapretacted, So I’ve often said to Jones, when he wil/ have | a different man to me, that 1 can assure you, before and after. Oh, if the last word. | you only knew— Miss Runt, Or why woman should submit to man, in general, as she | Miss mal (breaking in). Yes; and it’s our own faults. Why don’t oes. | we combine ! The Ex-Unprolected. So I always say to Mr. J., when he will have| The Ee-Unprotected. Why, you see, my dear, we always quarrel. his own way. Miss Runt (becoming inti ont ef off into triad), Why do we Miss Runt (proudly). I have made a point of never submitting to the | not unite, act, and agitate? First, there’s our education viewed as other sex, Mas. Jongs. | moral, physical, and intellectual. The Ex-Unprotected (with a dim sense that this may not be altogether| The Bev; otected (kindling at Miss Ruwt’s frre). Oh, it’s dreadful | attributable to Miss Ruwt). Well, my dear, | didn’t for a long time; | At the school where I was, we had always necks of mutton, and not but there's no knowing what may come. half enough—and such chilblains as I had. Miss Rent (with virgin dignity). Mus. Jones, I beg you will not con-| Miss Runt (over-riding Mas. J.’s school-day grievances). Then there’s ceive the possibility of my changing my condition. _ | our pone in society—viewed as private, social, and political. _ Lhe Bx-Unprotected. Ou no! my dear; I don’t think it’s the least| The Ex-Umprotected (with equal warmth). Not allowed to have an likely. al : agra | opinion of one’s own, scarcely, about what there’s to be for dinner, Miss Raat. The position of woman is deplorable—in this country, I | even— : should say—for | understand it’s very different in America, | Miss Runt, Then there’s our dress, viewed as sanitary, economical, | The Bx-Unprotected (clasping her hands). Oh! I'm told it’s dreadful | and esthetic. : there, with the bowie-knives, and Greek Slaves, and picklocks, and! The Er-Umprotected (who has never viewed her dress in that light things. Don’t talk to me of America, there’s a dear! before). Misth—what? Is it a new French stuff, my dear ?—

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Miss Runt (drawing breath). However, there’s some hope of an im-| > provement in that, Mus. Jonzs? The Ea-Unprotected. Bh ? Miss Runt. Yes, thanks to those very superior women—Mas.| BioomeR in America, and Mrs. Dexter, here. The Ex Rimes (Gifls ap her hands in horror). Why, you don’t mean to say, my dear— Miss Runt (with a martyr’s exaltation). And why not, Mus. Jones? Yes, Ma’am, I do mean to say—I think Bloomerism is a great and a glorious reform in the dress of Woman ; and [ mean to adopt it The Ez-Unprotected (who has At ol a Mies Row on - (w caught glimpses Miss Run's feet occasionally, and is familiar with the general character of her figure). You! m Miss (calmly). And why not, Mus. Jones ? The Ba-Unprotected ( feeling that if Muss R. does not see the why not, | making it apparent). Ob, my dear! 1 don’t see | there can be no hope of ~ if you don’t—I’m sure—oh, no— Mss wear stays, Mus. Jones ? The Ex-Unprotected. Certainly. Miss Runt (producing a highly coloured illustration of the awful consequences of tight-lacing, enforced by the “Venus de Medicis” in j ition with a Modern Fine Lady). There! look here, Mus. Jones! that’s your diaphragm. Ex-Unprotected (in horror), You don’t say so ! Miss Runt. And those are your lungs, which you see are all up; and that’s your heart, whieh you see can’t | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. } dear ! = | Miss Runt. Sir'!—I beg to differ from you; I think it’s a most | becoming and rational dress. Jones, You do, do you? All very well for school-girls, and the lady who rides in it every night at Miss Runt (disdainfuliy). Well, Sir | Jones (implacably). Or Martha there ! The Ex-Unprotected defyingly). There ’s a great deai to be said for it! Jones, On, L’ve no doubt, with half-a-hundred female lecturers talking one next door to the Egg-hatching Machine, in it up all at once; Leicester Square —Capital place for such a precious mare’s nest ! Miss Runt (rising with dignity). | am quite prepared for the sneers and the bigotry, for the prejudice and intolerance of the male sex, Mn, Jones; it’s what women must expect from you whenever they try to raise themselves in the social scale, ung rury Lane; and |’m told Miss | WooreaRk looks very well in it at the Adelphi; butfonly imagine gow in it! Well, Mr. Jones, and why not? | i i ! Jones (testily). Then, why the deuce, as we’re so bigoted, and pre- | ‘ _ |judiced, and intolerant, and all that, will you strong-minded women | . I see every reason for it, on the contrary, Ma’am, You | insist on making yourselves like us? Eh! breeches, Miss Runt, yet awhile, I can tell her. The Kx-Unprotected (statelily), be coarse, as well as rude, at all events, Jones. Coarse—raude—my dear ? The Ex-Unprotected (bitterly). 1 understand your allusion, Sir, and 80 , ap |does Miss Runt, L’ve no doubt—(in a spirit of alls + revolt), play up and down as) we both think the Bloomer dress a very becoming and sensible dress, it ought; and that’s the liver—and there’s the ribs—(¢4e [x- | for all that, Mn. Jonzs. UNPROTECTED ts overwhelmed with be like if we didn’t wear stays. [ The ka-Unprotected (rather horry —and—no nothing—and you wouldn’t— Miss Runt, Then there ’s the length of our dresses. streets when it’s wag The Ex-Unprotected. That’s true. Miss Runt (with redoubled energy). And they don’t keep us warm, | when it’s cold; and they blow over our heads when it’s windy. Bei, The Ea-C (interjectionally). Oh! on the bridges it’s dreadful. | Mies Runt (rising with her theme). And they get draggled when it’s wet, and they trip us up when we waik, and they entangle us when we | run, and we can’t get over a stile with them, and we ’re forced to hold them up at a crossing, and to put trousers on when we ride; and gentlemen set their chairs on ’em at dinner ;—and, in short, I ask you, Mrs. Jones, what can be said in favour of ’em ? The Ex-Umprotected (taken aback by the interrogation), Oh, \’m sure | I don’t know, my dear, unless it is that they hide one’s feet, when one | hasn’t pretty ones. Miss Runt. You ought to be ashamed of such vanity, Mas. Jones. | No; Bloomerism is a ¢ fact, Mas. Jones—and it mast, and will, triumph! Look here, Mus. Jones (producing a print of the Bloomer Costume). 1’m sure it’s very becoming to a tail pk commanding figure | (unconsciously ing herself up). And we may wear the prettiest things; and only six yards to the dress, instead of twelve. The Ex-Unprotected (examining the print, and considerably shuken by Miss Runt’s argument), Well, it really ts rather pretty; but L’m afraid I’m rather too—that is—not quite young enough for (sig/s) blue silk trousers ! Wiss Runt. Pettiloons, Mus. Jones, is the name. . The Ex-Unprotected. And then I must say 1’ve a horror of American things, ever since [ read about the way they scalp people. — , Miss Runt. You confound the Anglo-Saxon American with the Red- man, Mrs. Jones. ‘There’s no connexion between them. 1’ll leave the _— with you. I must be going. Me Aad The Ex-Unprotected. Do wait for tea. Jonzs will be in directly. Miss Runt. No; the lecture’s fixed for eight. The Ex-Unprotected. Which lecture ? Miss Runt. The lecture on Bloomerism at the Soho Theatre. The Ex-Unprotected. Why, you’re never going— Miss Runt (meekly). The Committee have requested me to say a few words, in the costume. . The Ez-Unprotected (clasping her hands). No! you—never. Oh, l’m surprised, Miss Ruwz, that you should; and you’re going to wear the —the pettiloons? Well, I’m sure! Miss Runt, And if youll only come, and hear the lecture— The Ex-Unprotected. Oh, y—but here ’s Jonzs. Enter Min. Jones, from the City, rather tired, and disposed for anything but a grapple with a strong-minded woman, ted. Well, my dear—(rings the bell)—here’s Muss They sweep the The Ea-Ui Runt. We'll have tea directly. Jones. How d’ye do, Miss Runt ? * (Zukes his seat in his own chair, | and stretches his on the fender: sees the Bloomer print which Miss | Rus has left.) Th? hat’s this? Oh, Biloomerism! Pack of stulf and nonsense ! j—and that’s what we should | inting to the “Venus de Medicis.” | Runt lecturing upon it next— » Well; but she wears no stays | : Jones (laughing sarcastically), \’ve no doubt we shall have Miss Miss Runt (rising). Perhaps, Mn. Jowes, Jones, And Mantua listening to you ? The Ex-Unprotected (rising also), Perhaps, Mu, Jones Jones (to Miss Runt) i Miss Runt (calmly). No, Sir, thank I’ve an t at eight, Sir, at the Soho Theatre, as one of a Committee of “8 united to advocate and introduce the Bloomer Costume, (Proudly.) I’m going to lecture on the subject. Mr. Jones (whistles). And where are you off to, Mantia ? The lix-Unprotected (with awful composure), 1’m going to hear Miss Ruwt’s lecture, Ma. Jones. Jones starts up in speechless amazement, Curtain falls on Mu, Jones—FOUDROYE |! FANCY PORTRAIT OF THE GENTLEMAN WHO HAS BEEN HONOURABLY MENTIONED BY PRINCE ALBERT. “ Honovesstx Mewrionen, weep! Is tase Ate Scampacous |” iss Ront ?—(Miss Rowe | tries to find a smart repartee, but can’t; so boils silently, while Jones | continues.)—And as for Bloomerism, I don’t mean Manrua to Wear the Mx. Jonss! there’s no occasion to But Kh? why, you’re not going ?— (Awide.) Thank | goodness, she’s off —You won't stay for tea? he can recover his breath to forbid the ¥&x-Unvnorecren leaving the house, the two daring and devoted women have got out of the house, The ’

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Mz. Puycu his cord hearing that his Reaping 1s Machine is the best for corn oe bang a obliged by one bei sent immedi- ately, as wishes to cut his own corns. Mr. Punch would not have troubled the | celebrated American Hvs- | sey, but his own wife, Judy, is such a lazy Hussy, that she will not perform the operation required. A Miracle Wanted! Last ‘week, according to the 7 Advertiser, a twenty nuns was cukerhed at Gravesend, for Valparaiso. What a need- less waste of ship-room! | Where was Faruer New- |Man? According to his be- lief and authority, has not |many a saint swum seas |} upon a cloak? Why, then | in these days of stiff- seepticism, why di | Farwer Newmaw spread | - of the yA ert upon | the Thames, 8 the fair ones upon the oa ‘lin—why did not wish | them a fair wind and Jos | voage to Valparaiso ? SOMETHING MORE APROPOS OF BLOOMERISM. A CURE FOR BAD LEGS. (Bentxp Tax CounTER THERE Is ONE OF THE “IwFERIOR ANIMALs.”) Bloomerism. | . ’ . . « | . , wennwe w —_— | China clay? Why must the sweepings of silkworms’ mingle in | A CHEMICAL PREVENTIVE FORCE WANTED. | ue Sebieat-oun ? Simply Sones these dam —A a —s EENLY alive to the appointed at the different Custom-Houses to detect cat chek the | welfareof our coun- | — of adulterated articles of food. _ : try, we are sorry to | e swarm with excisemen of every species, each consuming the | hear that the moraj | "evemue which he is paid to secure, and inflicting more or less annoy- | health of the metro. *2¢® im his vocation. Our coasts, to resist the mtrusion of undutiful | is, and, indeed, | brandy, are lined with a preventive force, much more than sufficient to | of the nation in| %¢fend them from the French. Shoals of Custom-House officers lie in | has | wait for every one who enters our ports, and keep you waiting balf quae, * | the day to feel your pockets, or rummage your carpet-bag for a few | last fortni cigars. Why all this trouble, to keep a little contrabrand tobacco out of Hex | Masesty’s dominions, and no care to prevent the introduction of black | a _ - Prussian blue, in large ‘quantities, into the interiors of her | | subjects | cd ‘These questions are suggested by an article in the Liverpool Journal, | complaining that at Liverpool, that enormous inlet for imports (at pre- the | Semt largely adulterated), the Customs are unprovided with a Chemist, | infusion | Whose business it might and ought to be, to search the various articles for the more excit- | '™ported by testing them for rubbish and poison. ing beverage | As our Gasteatn ae ey a en, nuisance to the com- and other kindred spirits. A great diminuti place | mercial world, a pest to travellers, and an object of detestation to every- i os and a large —— a ae of | body but those employed in it, and as it probably costs twice the : : consequent *™mount that would be lost by the smuggling it prevents, the only satis- factory reason for its maintenance, that can be conceived by the think- | ing mind, is, that it affords scope for patronage. This last consideration |may perhaps induce the Government—however indifferent in respect poached | of Prussian blue, or anything else in connexion with tea, so long as the soon | Whole pays duty—to add to the Custom-House officials, at Liverpool, j}and elsewhere, a Chemical Officer, to be employed as a Preventive | against that sort of smuggling by which our food and medicines are poisoned and polluted. ‘ SBME ESE fod | Vang Haan We hee Gat oo elt bs cine to haa hn One eee

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- oer te _—o ert eS eS PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARTVAREL THE LAST DODGE OF THE RUINED FARMER. Y far the strongest ar- | ment we) nave yet seen | in favour of | with s Protection, is to found in the following | advertisement, ex-| tracted from one of the Manchester news- papers. Farwer’s Davontea, 4+ im the 27th year of her age, is desirous of meeting with a PARTNER FOR LIFE. On her marriage- day she will be entitled to a property worth upwards ot £5000, which has recently been left by a deceased relative. She is by profession a Baptist: and, under very peculiar cl . advertises thus through a friend. None but respectable parties, whose character will bear the strictest investigation, need apply. A pious, well-meaning man will be preferred. Any person requiring information on the subject, must send a Post- office order for 8s., the amount of this advertisement,— Address, After this, who will deny that the Farmers require some protection or at all events, some looking after? How touching is this picture o filial devotion, in which the farmer’s daughter comes forward with one desperate effort, to save the ruined farmer by an appeal to the unmarried portion of the public—not for a husband to take an encumbrance off a struggling parent’s hands—but for an unlimited number of Post-oflice orders for eight shillings ! Who can resist the demand which is so speciously blended with the prospect of a wife with 5000/. on her marriage-day, and who will pause to think about a paltry eight shillings for even the smallest chance in such a splendid —— Every farmer who a daughter may hope for much more from filial duty than a five-shilling duty; for the former may have all the advan- tages of a sliding-scale, and the produce, in Post-office orders, may ail go into the farmer’s own pocket. We can understand the preference which the advertisement expresses for a‘ serious young man, as no one capable of seeing a joke will be likely to part with eight shillings for the promised information. FUNNY MARKET AND WITTY INTELLIGENCE. As our daily contemporaries are in the habit of giving an article on the Money Market and City Intelligence, we think that for our readers the latest accounts of the Funny Market and Witty Intelligence will poses some interest. The English funds of humour have been very yuoyant' to-day, ‘and Stock jokes were qnoted at an advance. Long ambiguities were not much in active or practical jokes left | off with a downward tendency. There is some talk in facetious circles of establishing a Pun Exchange ; | — , Se suggestion is said to have the support of some of the old | jo . An uneasy feeling has been excited by the failure of an extensive operator in chaff; but as he was known to have derived al! his supplies | lately from one Miller, the failure was, in some degree, looked for. The Conundrum fever has broken out again with great violence ; | and we think it right to warn the T eom: against being deceived by | specimens which are being daily thrown upon the market, as the | precious ore of wit, when = examination it will be found to contain | none of the true metal. We have ourselves received a few samples which have been left at our office by reckless adventurers, and which are placed here as a warning to others. ‘Ihe following is so palpable that ne for itself, and convicts its author at once of getting funn false pretences :— eee Venice went to a masquerade, after telling his wife the evening with a sick friend, what sort of a would you call it ?”—“ A Venetian Blind!” The Joker’s Protection Society have just issued their half-hourly | cireular, in which they caution the public against receiving stolen jokes, | and _ the opinion of Ms. Dusur on the important question whether a person may be for receiving a joke, knowing it to, len? The intimates that as the act mentions, as there are many persons whose sole pro-| ists i wits, which they are obliged to live upon, a would be wi - the statute. What would — > oi is, i Duxvur’s opinion, a very nice point; and he thinks | axe lengh, josh ling an overt act by the opening | the receiver liable. He is inclined, also, to at hearing a stolen joke, has not even | learned gen tleman suggests a very | Puach, though there have been a be | drums, one hundred repartees;” ‘and ingenious difficulty in drawing an lindictment the thief =“ om are both a joke on the tip is tongue, which case, one may be said to other. The difficulty then arises laid in the indictment as a joke, therefore, that there should be two ing “two hundred jokes, aut BF: feel s Lat ge — paving stolen some bread; it: ty half-quarterns, one hu cottage loaves,” &c. usual form of an indictment. Our private letters give us as about the average of this week’s |i :—"* Why a coat larger when taken out of a carpet-bag ?”—* Because when you find it in-creases.”’ | i Es a F 7? z MAGIC OF HORSE-HAIR. Tue Judges of the County Courts do not care for attornies ; —(we give this upon the authority of Mn. Cranxe, solicitor announced the gratifying truth at a late attornies’ meeting)—-whereas the Judges of the Superior Courts had “ trembled ”—trem was the word—" before the independence of the bar.” And the cause this salutary fear and trembling was in the wigs of the ‘advocates. Mr. Crarke “Thonght tha nauphall, of or mutt Menten, ant ouge Oe OMe aon would pay much more respect to thotr opinion than to a mere attorney.” There cannot, upon a fair amount of contemplation, be a doubt of the mysterious fact. What a small, perked thing is a wigless attorney to a wigged barrister ! “ And justice draws us with a single hair,” says amended Pore. Man’s respect is caught, springed by horse-hair, like woodcocks. “,When the law lays down its full-bottomed periwi a says the prophetic CumBERLAND, «diy find less wisdom in me than you are aware of.” be truths! The origin of uristers’ wigs is popularly attributed to the device of the monks, who with such covering hid the tonsure, when they turned advocates and pleaded in Court. For ourselves, we have no doubt that the beginning of lawyers’ wigs is to be discovered in a very remote antiquity. The genealogy of wigs is yet to be given with, the like precision as the pedigree of Arab horses, traced to the mare of Mauometr. When this is done, we doubt not that the first horse-hair used for the first Chancery wig was hair grown in the manes and tails of the horses of Diomepe; and they—it is allowed—lived by devouring men, FREE TRADE IN MARRIAGE, We understand that a parish in Bethnal Green is placarded with an | intimation that there has been a nepucTion in Manuace Fees, oo the = neg eg oat, be tied at a oy low pm yo charges. It seems that, for the purpose, probably, of carrying out t maxim, that “a good wife is a crown ‘to her husband,” the prico of obtaining one has been brought down to exactly five shillings. The following is the new tariff :— Publication of Banns . Minister's Foe ‘ Clerk's Fee Sextoa's Pee We have already got the “cheap loaf,” but the idea of giving the ‘The laudable public a cheap wife is rather a novel one. example set in Bethnal Green will, most probably, lead to much competition; and we shall see hand-biils headed, “Look wens! Wives positiveLy Given awar!” distributed all over the Metropolis. It will be rather ominous to allude to a marriage as an “ Alarming Sacrifice,” but when the tide of rivalry once sets iu among the parsons, there is no knowing where it may carry them. We shall not be surprised to find widowers tempted by offers of a marriage at half-price, and, perhaps, it may be held out as an inducement to whole families to marry off at once, that there will be “a great reduction on taking a quantity.” Weare friends to cheapness, even in taking a wife, though she may often turn out dear in more senses than one; and we therefore submi: to_the clerical profession, whether a still further reduction may not be effected by cutting off the sexton, for whose services at a wedding we can see BO necessity. LOVE AND PUNCH, Ture is but one Love, says Rocugroucausp, though there are a thousand vile copies of it; and, in the same way, there is but one thousand stupid imitations of it. $$$ AT TT

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL COAL AND KOH-1LNOOR, Being a Dialogue Poscn heard in the Orystal Palace.) Tae Crystal Fount was sleeping, And hushed the merry tune Of its streams, that, tired of leaping, Lay broad beneath the moon; And near, two Shades were keeping Their watch at midnight’s noon. One, a giant, smirched and wizened, Uneouth and buge of size ; Like a great furnace gliste The red fire in his eyes ; In his voice methought I listened To a volcano’s sighs, The other was a maiden’ Of beauty dusk and dim, Luscious, and languor-laden, Was flung each rounded limb; ’Mid shawls, and hair gold-braiden, Her eyes did flash and swim, Now, list to my rehearsing, As | tell you, sooth and sure, Of the Indian maid’s commercing With the giant dark and dour— Of the Gnome of the Coal conversing With the Gnome of the Koh-i-Noor. Koh-i-Noor Gnome. Do homage to my beauty ; The diamonds’ Queen am I; Fealty, and Faith, and Duty, Bow down when I go by: But thoa art scarred and sooty, loathsome to come nigh. Coal Gnome. Though lovely to the gazer, Maiden, I may not be, Greater than King or Kaiser, I travel land and sea; Nature, and what obeys her, Are subject unto me. Koh-i-Noor Guome. Much blood hath flowed around me ; I’ve lit men to their graves ; Their conqueror conquerors found me ; I have turned saints to knaves; Though many lords have bound me, My masters are my slaves. Coal Gnome. Peace at my birth presided - I forged her chariot wheel ; Though to ill hands confided, lve toiled at murd’rous steel, The loom by me is guided, And turned the rattling reel. Koh-i-Noor Gnome. I bask in Beauty’ Wi breas The poor man’s dress I cheapen, I cheer the poor man’s hearth ; Tunnel and mime | deepen, Bring wealth from under earth ; By me the corn is reapen, ; Ground, baked, and stored ’gainst dearth. Koh-i-Noor Gnome. It was a cage all golden That high for me they raised, And my bars were still enfolden By a crowd that and gazed. I was weary of being beholden, And weary of being praised. Coal Gnome. These crystal bays that sunder ‘Those western engine piles, From where the organ’s thunder Rolls through yon eastern aisles— This palace, with all its wonder Is my work of leisure whiles. ANOTHER DEMAND FOR JUSTICE. “Mr. Puwcna, “ Avren the neglect I have experienced, it’s of no use at all | | to equeel to the a Commissioners ; not the least. I shan’t petition Parliament, or trouble Patnce Apert. I scornsuch meaus. P sppeal | to you for justice, which I feel sure is my only “ All sorts of people have been yknighted, and have had medals and honourably-mentioneds, and all that—and been asked to Windsor, and received bracelets, and letters autographed and |ithographed—except me. Not that J would take a knighthood, mark you—not I. That would be | putting myself on the level of an Alderman or a Sheriff —if nothing better | came with it; and City men, though they do boast of their feasts and their eating and drinking, | look down upon from my loftier position | with contempt. But I have not even been offered that. Mr. Paxtow planned the building, and a very beautiful thing it’s been, and he deserves al! that he’s got or will get—and more. Then there’s Cusrrt | —he told them how to put the thing together; and then there’s Fox— | (I speak of ’em in this familiar, matter-of-fact way, b-cause they ’re all | friends of mine)—there's Fox, I say, he built it all up—iron, and glass, and the rest—and trouble enough it was, no doubt. But what’s their trouble and labour to mine? Nobody koows what [ have gone through ; and nobody could know till the whole thing was finished. But now the sum total’s been made out, just look at it. Just look here, Wr. Punch —see it all in black and white, I say, and ¢hen tell me who has had the toughest work to do :— Authorised Statement of the quantity and kinds of Refreshments sepplied in the Central Court (under the Transept) of the Great Exhibition, and to the adjoining Exhibitord Dining- Room, caclusive of food sold in the Eastern and Western Refreshment Courts. on nag { quartera | Cheeolate . : 3,783 pounds Bread. - + «+ 26506) “\caves | Soda Water 40,800 Biscuits . 3,783 Leinonade 130,698 Penny Cottage Loaves. 57,528 Ginger Beer 365,050 French Rolls . rer Total 536 617 bottles Banbury Cakes 34,070 Milk + + 17,257 quarts Threepenny Pound } 36.960 Cream . . e - 4oa7 Cakes 5" . Pickles . ° * . 1,046 gallons Currant Pound Cakes . 28,828 pounds Kongh Ice 180 tons Savoy Cakes i, @ ee. on Salt A . ——* 6, Italian Cakes ; . ae a Potatoes P ; : Bath Boas . . « S078 Ham é 4 oe ee Pisin Buns . . . 400.667 Meat . . : . 113 Coffee s 9,181 pounds “Did you ever eat three thousand seven hundred and eighty-three tain’s biscuits, Sir, and no beer allowed? And then the pound- cake—that’s dry work, too, let me tell you, when you have to get through thirty-six thousand pounds weight of it. That with the plums was a little easier; but even plum-cake, when you have to dispose of it 7 oS hundred-weight, is no joke. en there’s the sand wiches— _ (don’t mention it, but between you and me, they never could have been ' all got ready, if the Reaping Machine hadn’t beem brought to bear, to _ cut the twenty-four thousand five hundred thirty-six quartern | loaves into slices, whilst the [//ustrated News Machine spread the mustard.)—It was, indeed, warm work, though I say it ;—but the ice— the hundred and eighty tons of ice—enough to make a fine Alpine avalanche, or an awkward Polar berg—helped to keep me cool through the continued effort. And through it all I got: the three hundred and sixty-five thousand bottles of ginger-beer, (Ugh!) the lemonade, the milk, the soda-water, the cream, the mixed pickles, buns (plain and Bath), the salt, the coffee, the potatoes, the chocolate, ham, penny- loaves, Banbury-cakes, and all. And yet—when will the world be just ? —here | stand, Mr. Punch, un-decorated, un-knighted, un-medalled, un-honourable-mentioned, un-C. B.-ed; and unsatisfied, “ But always yours, “Tus Apretits or Aut Nations.” PROPOSAL FOR A NEW GOOSE CLUB. ur readers are aware that the period has arrived, when the homely goose, depicted in water-colours, announces to the neigh- bourhood from the windows of public- houses, that a “ Goose Ciub” is in course of formation within. Punch proposeth to establish a New Goose. Club, whereof the commercial principle shall be the same, but whereof the ultimate benefit will be to the sub- seribers much greater. ‘The common Goose Club undertaketh, for the weekly sixpence of instalment, to provide to the subscriber at Christmas, a Goose and a bottle of Gin. a, Punch proposeth to receive an instal- ment, but to provide to the subscriber 3 something more nutritious than goose, : something more beneficial than gin. For Puxch proposeth that the Fast Man, or the Idie Youth, shall pay his weekly sixpence, and that at Christmas he receive some de- lectable intellectual nutriment, highly beneficial to him. Let the Fast Man, or Idle Youth, pay his sixpence, and receive— A Copy of Whately’s Logie ! A Copy of the Vicar of Wakefield / : Consider, my brethren, the sad intellectual destitution that prevaileth amongst you—the long Christmas nights, wherein the tedium of vacancy will make you mutiny against the nature of things, and bi y declare this noble Planet “slow!” Consider this, my "iTuis io the true Goose Club—which doth not the slaughter is the true se Club—whi of the Goose, but rather the benefit, aud lnguucell coals the same. SE Fag BR BSBess

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 199

INDIGNITY TO GOG AND MAGOG. : HE herovie Kossurn, ex- ee of Hungary, as, it will have been ‘ , in his clever and judicious speeches, laid particular stress upon our municipal in- stitutions, whilst laud- GROSS f = 7 constitution at large. \ Ss AL / By a curious coinci- f bf p- Ma dence, a case occurred

»

ing the glorious British | COUNTY COURT POETRY. * Sim : “Awxiovus to combine pleasure with instruction lin every work of life, and knowmg, that without poetry that life would be dark and wearisome indeed, it has often struck me that our police reports, were they metrically, and, at the same time, faithfully rendered, might afford much plea ure to many elegant minds which are now turned away from that wholesome reading by the repulsive style of the narration. “T have turned the report of a late speech of Mr. Ramsnay’s in the Liverpool County Court into a blank verse, which is not without its charm; and shall be happy to do the Chancery and Old Bailey reports in the same manner, for any journal that may be in want of a rhythmical reporter. Gents are invited to inspect the original report with mine as amended, and a single trial will prove the perfect adaptability of the most stately decasyllabic verse to the most intricate and crabbed questions of law. “| am, Sir, your obedient Servant, “ And I wish | might say, “Your own Reroxten.” Mr. Rawsnar—Sorrcrrors—Orricers, insulted in the person | Scens—TZhe County Court, Liverpool. cers.| Mr. Ram whay. Whose duty is it to unclose these windows ? Mr. Statliam. The duty of the Keeper of the Court. Mr. Ramshay. 1 gave an ordér of a general nature, Enjoining that the windows should be opened. [ will not waste my time, and that of the Courf, With interruptions ; but I do maintain | My orders shal! be punctually carried out. | Improper conduct, whatsoe’er it be | That I will flne—in every instance fine ;— Aye, most severely fine. I will teach those parties | Neglectful of the orders of this Court,— fines will force attention to their duties. Here we have been two hours half suffocated, ‘This morning, by the windows being closed ; | And as there be a many persons here, L’ll mark my sense of disobedience strongly, Because [ deem ’tis not the Judge’s business To waste his time with such a matter as this, “The Court-Keeper, Joun Wurresipe, then appears, | Judge Ramshay. Why oped ye not these windows, Court- | Keeper ° | The Keeper. \ ad no orders. | Judge Ramshay. Say ye, ye’d no orders ? | The Keeper. \ thought that it was very cold this morning, | Judge Lonshay, What! cold ?—and with a crowded Court like this ! |T shall impose a fine, Sir, of ten shillings, | For not attending to my orders given— Aye, and repeatedly given, on this subject, [ hold it must be most uncomfortable— Unpleasant—for all persons in this Court. [ shall inflict a fine, then, of ten shillings, For disobeying my orders on this subject, And teach you to attend to them in future, Which now have been neglected, and without Any whatever justifiable ground. [ think, for life and health, fresh air’s essential. Skt in close Courts, | well-nigh lost my life, And don’t intend to have the thing again. END OF ACT I. SCENE I.

The Christmas Pantomimes. To make the character of Pantaloon still more ridiculous, we are informed that all the Pantaloons in the fortheoming pantomimes will be supported by Bloomers. This is said to be the first time that the Pantaloons will ever be assumed by women in a pantomime, and it is expected that the effect will be exceedingly rich ! Bloomers have been studying the character for some time past in pahlic, and are already deciared to be extremely ridiculous in the part.

. f ; owinnip, ar | last week at the Man- ka i= sion House, which 3 = \9 must exhibit to the “ éyes of foreigners, in =. a striking lizht, the importance of corpo- rate bodies, as in- stanced’ by the vin- ; dicated majesty of the | municipality of Lon- don, that had been! of one of its o monster of inso- lence, named Winatam LIGHTERMAN, was = er brought before the -" Lorp Mayon, charged he with having used language calculated to provoke a breach of the peace towards an “al individual of the superb and splendid band of watermen employed in rowing the ne civie barge. The language in question consisted of irreverent expressions reflecting gh on the tasteful and picturesque costume worn by those fine fellows, who carry the nd Casa of the City and his fortunes. The defendant set the waterman a nick- he name, which, though qualified with the title of ““My Lord,” is one regarded as nd contumacious even when applied to tlie most inferior description of bailiff. 1y- By this derisive appellation was the waterman of the Lonp Mayor continually 4? saluted by the little boys—too prone to express their disrespectful sentiments to .d every official habited in the faintest guise of a beadle. Not content with jeering, F and instigating these youthful scoffers to jeer the Lord Mayor and Aldermen, as represented by their servant, this wicked Licurexman had, on several occasions, put his thumb to his nose, and we miay safely conclude had also twiddled his fingers, at that highly respectable and decorated officer. For this high crime and | misdemeanour he was fined ten shillings, and held to bail for good behaviour for six months, being threatened with heavier punishment m the event of similar mis- conduct in future. Kossurs#, who has so grand an idea of our corporate bodies, and who knows what it is to struggle for municipal rights, will doubtless feel interested in observing how the Court of the Mansion House, if it has not tyrants ad and despots to contend against, can nevertheless assert its dignity on occasion : as h- against impudent fellows and little boys who “chaff” its watermen. ic- . of the Press” the private opinions, delivered in private letters, by private indivi- 7 duals. It is a little too bad that the civil expressions of an author should be made b, public to puff a book—just as the letters of patients are used to magnify the merits rs of a new pill or old humbug. : Besides, it is to be ao. that a copious use of asterisks on these occasions he too clearly me aD ge qualifying C »ssiOn ve been omitted. If the eor- nape ior example, expresses himself thus :—‘ Your poems, were they as fine - as LION'S, could seareely redeem the ill taste of your preface,” &c,—the puffer | = coolly puts down “as fine as Minton” to the tail his advertisement, and 4 WwW a ‘my cee a h lelivered in th e suppose t any courtesy phrase delivered in the street, or y at table, to these puffers, will soom be brought uito the advertising columns in the : same way. We may expect “Opinions” like these :-— , “ An interesting work.”—Hucexes (to my wife “at Jowns’s party”). “ Pleas.ntly written.”—Pnoreston Busy (at dessert). “ Really an extraordinary performance.””—Kinpe® (in the Park). h “ Worthy of the author.”—Puncu (with aie). Tn print, too, any gestures or looks with which the said plirases were accompanied, : are lost—miuch, doubtless, to the puffer’s advantage. d i _ The Universal Inn. | € ubiquitous hostelry, “The Marquin of Granby,” ought, in compliment to | | Pow the dusti | ptaty Beno be eantiod Ske oun of Cal fr Sqeizea champion of the landiords’ interest, whose name it so appro- the “ Sitting Member.” No wonder. Ti fired of “ standing,’ we fancy, by this time!

Several of the the hero of St. Al is, we observe, called Ma. Bett, the mg ecbey m :

VOL, XxI.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVART MRS. GRUNDY ON BLOOMERISM. 1ry-torry !—don’t tell , me about the nasty creatures’ parent. Bloomers are they— forward minxses ? I’d soon Bloomer em, | warrant. | VERSES ON HALF-A-PINT OF BEER. BY A HEAVY VETERAN. On,’ that the brewer’s noble skill Could concen’ ious treasure | P omg od ryt swill— m yey id pleasure. The fluid it touched my li seid wn tine with cloered feo; Baggy His tag ote coy ot His drop of Mux axp F entire ! Sweet is the half-and-half at night ; Bringing shame upon their sex, by aping of the j Yes; and then you’|l have them Lot Prancing all so pert and portly at their Derbys and their races. Out they ’ll go with dog and gun, perhaps and a- Aye, and like as not, you ’ll see, if you’ve a Bloomer for your Her ladyship, so fine and free, a-pulling matches on the water ; Sitting in a pottus tap, a-talking polities, and jawing ; Or else a-reading Punch, mayhap, and hee-hee-heeing and haw-hawing. 1 can’t a-bear such flighty ways—I can’t abide such flaunty tasées. And so they must leave off their stays, to show their daint —_ and waisées / a min’, oung women. d, dress’d half-and-half, as a young feller ; are bad umbereller. To set their ankles off, indeed, they wear short trousers wi 1’d not have my feet fill for ever so, li No; you won’t see me, J’ il be I'll stick to my old shawl and gownd, my pattens, and my I’ve no patience nor for Wearing what-d’ye-call-’ems—Gracious! brass itself ain’t half so brazen. Why, they must look more audacious than that what’s-i-name— Amazon ! Ha! they ‘ll smoke tobacco next, and take their thimblefuls of brandy, t eo See, ly showing off pe id bare faces, Oh! when once they have begun, there’s none can say where they’ll be stopping,— THE TOP-BOOTED SCHOOL. For the Relief of Agricultural Destitution in Useful Knowledge. | How shocking, says Mx. Apam Ricarpo Sarra, the fact, that there | are at this day in this kingdom hundreds of Agriculturists all ages— from the earliest years of discretion, so called, to seventy and upwards | —running wild about Protection! How painful to think of so many minds possessed of but one idea, and that the idea of dear corn! What an awful thing to hear them actually grumble at_ because wheat sold at so high a rate during the war, or complain of the abundant har- | vest, on account of its Geapening oun | ow pitiable the state of these poor creatures, who believe that machinery is ruining the country; who are persuaded that no way is so as the old one—not even t railway—and who denounce Free e, condemn the repeal of the bread-tax, and execrate the memory of Sim Ropert Peet in terms that | will not bear repetition ! And why—demands Apam Ricarpo Smitu—are these rough—yet | honest—victims of prejudice and delusion to be abandoned fallacies? Must they on up as wholly impracticable? Shall no friendly hand be stretched forth to grasp their benumbed fists, and help their dead-weight out of the mire? Well, Anam Ricagspo Sirs, you will be rejoiced to hear that such a benevolent attempt has been made; with what success if you would know, come, ApaM, and accompany us to the ‘Top-Booted School This ak ney eer seteion, Me, Cones, was founded = enterprising philant: ist, to w 1 it was sugges the success of the Ragged . Enter. No, you are not mistaken, good Sir: it «s conducted in a public-house. The founder was a man of the world, Sir. He knew he should never induce sought to instruct to assemble in a Mechanics’ Institu room. So, like a sensible fellow, he took the Barley ow Inn, close | purpose in the natural—we may say, of landlord. You may suppose that, in the execution of his design, he at first encountered some opposition. Who was 4e? what did de know about | it? what call had 4e got to “intervere?” were the most moderate of the | demands that were roared at him, when he made a beginning 1 project by stating a few of the simpler princi of Political jn the common room. Gibes, if not hen i to! their | t those whom he/ and will be or a lecture- | d to the Corn Market, and set about the accomplishment of his humane | crusher endearing—character io 0 Paes Se t blossoms s More calmly—beautifally bright— with Than any other kind of wine. +. | Restorer of the thirsty soul ! Bias cant ’Tis thou the weary frame canst cheer; dress like their mo-| Grief owns the powerful control thers was content to Of thee—thou thrice X-celling beer ! dress afore ’em,— stage ; Then let me drop a silent tear Into the mi of the measure ; Though, weeping o’er a much-loved beer, iz. hter, The tears are not of grief, but pleasure. Irish Male Milliners. The Belfast Mercury has a notice of Ribbonism in Belfast. The Cork Examiner adverts to Bloom- erism in Cork. Women to Bloomerism enough ; but men who to Ribbonism are undoubtedly worse. and tumblers would probably have followed, but for fear of the expense of breakage. And now, Sir, behold the result ! Before you is a School for adult farmers, based on the principle of mutual instruction. We have called it a Top-Booted School—however, you see there are leggings and gaiters in it as well as top-boots. Hark! A member of the society has just read a proceeds to deliver his opinion on the leading article. Hear his facts and figures— had you any idea that such an amount of statistics and arithmetic could be contained in that bullet head? He is interrupted by an opposite - ear with some degree of politeness—who denies that land can be considered as raw material. A discussion ensues—none the drier for good liquor, nor the more obscure for a little smoke : for in this school they allow grog, beer, and pipes—Bacco and tobacco, as the Italians say. Mark = naa = oor supported by yy — ms. It indicates little philosophy—except, as you might say, the od yet the owner of it has arrived very oll to the perception of the law of supply and is a urned toward us; its breadth, you see, is| remarkable. Yet the oe principles are broader than his loins—as broad as they ormerly were narrow. Listen—he joins in the conversation. “If we takes ”—he has but recently comm grammar—“ if we takes their carn,” he observes, “they'll take our mannifacturs; and zo it’s as broad as ’tis long.” He is, you perceive, Sir, as Mz. Dismazxt called his South Bucks audience the other day, a man of as well as aman of sense; though the latter has only begun to glimmer. But then it has but just been illumined by That burly y now grinning from ear to ear at the 8 refutation of a protectionist f , Sir, is “up” in bh i rainage—or wi ein the RA to 7 if — t wil ex ou fer Our frend in the nailed boots i ici Tad hae i which is even more effective than his ¢ i stable-minded | the hobby of yonder gentleman of siognomy. Hear him talk about the su ago, Sir, he didn’t know the di ween the carbonate of that i 2 || oe S645 SSSEE ;

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_ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. WHERE IS EQuesTRIANs can, we know, ride almost any number of horses at once ; for we have seen the artist by the hand to the mane of | one animal, me py fig bag feet to the tail of a second, with his arm | round the ear of a third, his elbow on the back of a fourth, and the of his toe resting on neck of a fifth; but we cannot unders how the same feats can be going on in two places on same evening. We have, however, lately lazeppa at AsTLEY’s, | and Mazeppa at the Marylebone Th on the same night, and the | wild horse of the desert has been on his wild career through the | Steppes of Tartary near the steps estminster Bridge, as well as | — other Steppes that have been lately got up, for the purpose, - ington. We see by the ae that the Young Chieftain (Hicks) and the | original old Khan (Crowrner) have abdicated their Lambeth domi- nions, and sought a new territory in the neighbourhood of Portman Market, where the young Khan and the old Khan are causing, in managerial phraseology, “ a succession of overflows.” Whether there has been an emigration also of the “ Tartar hordes” we are not aware, or whether there has been a local horde selected at a shilling a night » Reis ‘ >. | might imagine t the | that nothi MAZEPPA? from the supernumerary population of Paddington, From the frantic enthusiasm which AstLey’s Tartars always exhibited towards Mn. Hicxs and the patriarchal old Khan, his father (Ma. Crowrwenr), we e that the secession of the chiefs had been accompanied by the secession of the underlings ; but the recollection comes upon us is more hollow than the adherence of a theatrical popu- lation to a dramatic hero, and that the old original Tartar horde that has been hailing Mr. Hicks as its hope, and clinging to the knees of Mr. CrowrneR as its father, for 5a7 successive nights, will hail and cling to any other youthful heir and sire that Mr. Barry may thin a to place on the throne of Tartary. Such, alas! is life in general; but theatrical life in particular. We can imagine, however, some little difficulty among the unaccus- tomed horses, for Mazeppa, entrusted to the hands or legs of a new | stud, will entail the necessity for a new study. We can, nevertheless, | imagine the groom, with a few yards of pack-thread, enticing the unaccus- | tomed animal into a “ wild career,” and the ~ carpenter behind the | brute with a couple of property wolves in profile, with “practicable” | heads, serve as a persuader to the “ horse of the desert.” hac } \ i ad OEE Mazeppa. “ Acars we UnGces on wis Witp Career!!!” THE LANCASHIRE COUNTY COURT JUDGE AND JURY. | To the Judge and Jury of the Lancashire County Court. | Srr,—May rr PLease your Howour :— I wave not hitherto taken much notice of oe, because I feared | ion of the Lorp Cuayceton, who | now inary | ou have discovered that for winking his eye at of power sufficient if you choose, and to compel | , L would beg you to tell me| Lorp CHANCELLOR is not to look after you, you do not | CELLOR oF THE DucHy oF CASTER ought to —somewhat otherwise than at present—of your Honour’s Your Honour’s astonished Beholder, PUNCH. OUR INCREASING VOCABULARY. “Ma, Puycn, | “Tie word solidarity’s \ately come into fashion. Muster | u made use of’t in hiss tother day at Southampton—I What’s the meanun of this here new speciment of frazi- It seems to mane some good thing for the people, by the way they talks about it. There was a feller once as guessed that felicity | was summut inzide a hog. In like manner, I should take it that so/t- darity was solid fare if I didn’t know it comes from abroad: for what solidarity is there to beat our own plum pud’n and roast beef ? “ The Lodge Goose and Gridiron Unity. “Aw Opp Peter. November, 1851. “P S§.—There’s a lot moor a, oo vigosee which be eg cum from forei s mostly, ieve, ’s ‘accepting the situation,’ for — Any one would think, naterally, that meant going into servus; but stead of tl it seems to signify gettun s allowance, and putt’n up wi't. Kossoor heerd un. olodgy ?

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THE SWEETS OF LOYALTY. PaB,orarn in the newspapers informed us, the other day, that a Mas. Some- poor, of Everton, had sent a few ounces of Toffy to the juvenile mem- bers of the Royal Family, and that in exchange for these ounces, a few

The » Unprotected. at you ’re never going to y - all the way to ean Street, Soho, in these things P—(pointing in deep affliction to the pink pettiloons, alias pantalettes). a eihnaned » Pe Wiss Runt (with awful calm). Such is my intention, Mrs. Jones. The Ex-Unprotected ‘halting, and inclined to kneel to the strong-minded one). Ob, dear me, Miss Ruyt! Oh, please—it’s very quiet here in Coram Street; but when we get into Holborn, there ’ll be the naughty black guard little boys, and the cabmen, a Miss Runt (with lofly resignation). If [ must be a moral martyr, Mrs. Jones, | am ready. Eg Br Unprotected, Oh, but I'd rather not! Ob, please, do let’s Cail & Cah Miss Runt (with awful serenity). You can do so, Mrs. Jones; but I shall ride upon the box. : he Ex-Unprotected (wringing her hands). Oh, that will be worse than ever. ‘They ‘li think there’s another inside. They ’ll throw mad and things at us, Miss Kuwr, and call : think how your feet show ! us sueh names, Ob, really, you can’t

Miss Runt (unmoved). If violence is resorted to, I shall appeal to the | laws of my country. they put us in the station-house. : ‘A moving panorama of a hideous cell, followed by the Old Batley and id succesmon. (At this moment they have reached } with a ana basket, comes out of Lattle Ormond Street. Small Boy (calling to Brit, ’ere’s a Bloomer! : : Bill (appearing, as usual, from nowhere in particular), Oh, Crikey ' wad Unprotected. Oh, it pS bec ad or ; iss Rowt—(stopping short, imploringly clinging , the demand), [ shall drink my cup to the dregs, Mus. Joes. ~ Small Boy (delighted with Miss Ruwt’s lower extremities). Ob, what The Ex-Unprotected. There! you ashame : Bill (with the street boy's war-whoop). Oo-ray! *Ere’s bunnions! (Small Boys collect with rapidity, only to be equalled by the grains of Miss Runt (who feels, from the increased weight on her arm, that the Ex-Uwrrotectren is gradually sinking). Be firm, Mrs. Jones! a Pothoy, several Servant Maids, on pressing errands, a Mil- liner's Girl, with a basket, and other street waifs and strays, Policeman (sternly to the Ex-Omprotectep). Now, then, you musn’t be making no disturbances ’ere—old ’ooman. for insult). How dare you? Pot-boy. That’s a reglar arf-and-arf. [’ll toss you (¢o Policeman) man Miss Runt (descending from the martyr’s pile for an instant). Now, mind, I'll have you boys taken up.—( Resuming her dignity) Police! | Policeman (with a vague sense that he is being “ chaffed”). Come, old 7o0man—we can’t have no playaetorin’ ’ere—move on!—Come, now, all Ex-Unprotected. Miss Ront—I’m going to faint. Policeman. Now, then—none of that ’ere—we can’t ’ave nobody The Ex-Unprotected. Oh, please, man—(makes an abortive attempt to touch the heart of a sententious Cabman). steady surcey of Miss Ruwst). Well—you ort to be a good ’un over the stones, you ort. (Divertissement— wild dance of Smali Boys, with the usual accom- iments. Miss martyrdom.) Now do make an effort, pray, Mus. Jonzs, and come The Ex-Unprotected (feebly). Ob'!—and there’s all the gas in Totten- Waterman (conclusively). One’s a good plucked ’un—t’ other isn’t. ?Bre—’ave a cab, mum. = Runt, No—no. I feel strongim- the good cause. 1’1| go through with it. you ’d better ’ave a cab, or you ’l! be gettin’ yourselves in trouble, I can tell you. | The Ex-Unprotected. Oh, if that’s the police, I shouldn’t wonder if the scaffold, passes before her in 7 his invisible, but invariable, associate). Biu'!—ob, Ain’t she a rum “un? I said they would. Now, Miss Runt (whose supply of strong-mindedness increases with rummy trotters! It’s your legs, Miss Rowr. Oh, ain't of yourself ? wheat in the favourite arithmetical sum. A Powrceman, the Waterman of the cab-stand, two or three Cabmen, drift together to the spot. The Ex-l —— (roused, even in her far gone state, by the uncalled. or ’ooman ? invoke the protection of the law. you boys, stand back tod oe them with a secret sympathy), fainting ’ere, and creatin’ obstruections—Move on ! First Sententious Cabman (removing his pipe from his mouth, after a Second Sententious Cabman. Queerish about the ’ocks, Jam. unt (who begins to feel that one may have too much even of ham Court Road '!—and market-night, too! The Ex-Unprotected (gaspingly). Yes—yes— Policeman (impressively). If you’re a-going to the Casino de Wenus, (Four cabs have driven up on the intimation of the Ex-UNPRoTECTED’s desire ; the respective drivers are eng in the usual conflict | over her body. M She is at last pethano- by one, and deposited, in a prostrate condition, inside. Miss Runt. At all events, I will go outside. Chorus of Small Boys, Ooray! ooray! (Muss Ruwr takes her seat om the box, in all the majesty of strong- | mindedness and woman’s mission. The Small Boys form themselves | into a guard of honour, and follow the vehicle, org ing | the fantastic mode of locomotion called the windmill, ° pat up the windows on the state of the Ex-Usenorgctep inside The Proto-Bloomer. Joan or Anc may be said to have been the first Bloomer, as she

}wore a short tunic with tights, and was otherwise also clad in mail attire. But Joan was executed for witchcraft. Now, the Bloomers seem to be conjurors ; and at least there is nothing very bewitching do not in appearance.

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- oto ie sees BLOOMERL:

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| DS ee ; y) i lll ¥ / 4a, baw “eee > =

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 207 TO HOBKINS BLOBB, ES@., Penny-a-Liner, §e., §¢., Fe. y pean Sux,—I to your delight- ful versatility ; to the active way in which you all suit your reports to the tone of the ia you report guns. my dear , jou Ww what I am dink. 5 ing of. Of Kos- : suru, eh? Just so. Don’t you, all of describe his appearance, his recep- tion, his crowds, his voice, &e., favourably, or unfavourably, accord. ing to what the political writers of your journal f him yet, you ought to be aware that your busi under your eyes ; the writer has to i the matter, which is quite a You, Mz. Bross, for exa for @ ares which dislikes the is . in & slighting, sneering way—in’ to help (as you Mar. Brows, did you ever hear what Socratzs said after a hearty scold, drenched him with an unsavoury | observed, that “after thunder, there generally came rain.” Such as that unsavoury shower, Mr. Bross, is your unhappy effort at sarcasm, after your employer's thunder. You remind me of the sign-painter, whose “ Angel” resembled a “ Red Lion,” as he remarked. Your way of painting a high apparition, is to make it look like a grotesque animal, Then, Mr. Brogs, you talk of the “ populace,” and “the rabble!” What is your notion of a populace or a rabble? Daint q and graceful aristocrat ! bel dear me, Mz. Bogs, who are you? Who was your grandfather ? hat are your arms? When ~~ = date from? What clubs do you belong to—what houses do you dine at? Mr. Bross! Why, this sneering at the “rabble” would be snobbish in a gentleman of — a But in you! It is really unkind—heartless of you—the oracle of the “ parlour”—to be thus severe on your own class. Come, Sir, be alive to the claims of kindred. “ Blood is thicker than water,” says the proverb; and yours ought to be a good deal thicker, for it seems considerably obstructed by bale. - Let theorists as they please on theories, Ma. Brows. But don’t let us have any falsity about public facts. Don’t you and your compeers go on Heropotus) were wont to treat the captured _ How was that—you don’t remember it in Hzrondtus (as you call him)?’—Why, to bo altp to cneunn ban all anh—tiey Mnaer him by flinging mud in eyes! PUNCH. Yours, PUNCH’S SANITARY COMMISSION. Tue inquiries of the Lancef’s Commission have struck terror into the hearts of the eating public. siveness of a system of adulteration which pollutes our coffee-pots, de; our loaves milk, Porg asked long ago— “ Why has not man a microscopic eye?” and proceeded to answer the query in conformity with his system, by saying— “ For this plain reason—man is not a fly.” We should be inclined to answer, that it was for this plain—or, indeed, ugly reason, that if man had, he would be obliged to die from rom the impossibility of eating his daily food, as his daily | food is now prepared for him. : ; | But shall not the thinking, the reading public, be protected as well as the eating one? Yes, wereply. Punch recently inted a Commis- sion to examine the mental by some packages were purchased at various shops, and the public as certain yptians (vide | ad. They have revealed to us the exten-| rs in the metro-| w ote —e analysis of some gifted contributors. We extract from Lot l.—The Comic Penny Titillator! (This was announced by the sal in the thoroughfares to be Adulterated. With bythe ‘ ad th 2. kay ' . ith muc : wi i tly com- posed of brass filings and common mud. Also, granules were found of old jokes, in a state of decomposition, ground. Lot 2.—The Secrets of the Bosphorus! (Sold to the poorer classes as a “ stirring romance,” and we believe in large quantities.) Very much adulterated. With \ead as before, and with impure ma- terials. Also with an odd stuff that seemed to your Commissioners to |be the parings of asses’ hoofs. Traces, or hints of blood, also, occa- sionally, Lot 3.—The Moribund (Called a “ sound religi Gees, Cant, three grains a to ee mmissioners, in affirm that such pe er Ray, Be of exists extensively among the intellect to be sure, is qooeienely wimed my | but the adulteration like all adulteration, most presses, KOSSOOTH. comp pice - casa pluay ee Jove! “WW, he is,” - Blow’ if he ain’t a A precious That one as he made at “Yes,” Dick replies, “’twas all on ’t fair ; There warn’t no Commonism there ; There warn’t no treason nor sedition ; His words ’\i all bear repetition.” “ Ay,” answers ghey agree ; But yet some says, What is ’t to we ? They argues he’s a foreigneer, lolwe *ve no call to interfere With other folks and their affairs ; Let we mind ourn, and they mind theirs.” “Ah!” Dick says, “ yes: look on and see The wust oppression as can be. Let Austria — *em— Russia knout ’em, And never take no thought about ’em ! Stand with your hands in pockets, chinkin’ Your cash—of nuffin else a thinkin’. Let ’em alone, men’s wives to leather, And chain chaps day and night together. Let tyrants torture—victims linger— Nor raise to help ’em woice nor oo one “No, no!” cries Brit; “no, I’m be blest ! Whilst I’ve a heart inside my breast, For patriots, whether French or Dutch— Providing they behaves as such— That lands vpon old England’s shore, Ill holler—if I can’t do more.” “ Well, come,” says Dic, “a pint 171i stand ; Welcome Kossooru to Britain’s land ; To drink good health to such a chap, Barciay awp Perxrys is the tap; That is the proper stuff to tope To one as ’seaped from Haywav’s rope.” “ With all my heart! So let it be; , “ His health!” shouts Bris, “ with three times three !” gives bitterness to our sugar, and danger to our | JUDGE RAMSHAY ON LAW. Ramenay still sits on the Liverpool bench. To be sure, his case, at | the time we write, is to be considered on the 5th of November. The | | appropriate 5th. Ramsway and Gunpowder Fawkes. But Ramsay, | ere he departs for that official oblivion whence no Raney oes to | ‘return, has enlightened his court with his opinions upon English law. “ He said it was generally supposed that the law was a system of chicanery. It was, however, the result of the deliberations of the wisest men, and the essence of | ‘There are great popular mistakes. The English Judge, for instance, |is generally supposed to be always the “ essence sense ; hereas there may be exceptions to this rule ;—some J being the |“ essence” of RamsHay.

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LONDON CHARIVARL A POSER FOR A BL Old Gentleman, “ Berone I caw Entertains your Proposat, asp Give my Consent To rouR MARRYING my Soy, | must ask You, WHETHER YoU ARE IN A PosiTIOnN—a—TO—a—KEEP HIM IN THE STYLE TO Ane!” wHich—a—l may saY—He HAS ALWAYS BEEN ACCUSTOMED? BEAT IT IF YOU CAN. } | Huis Grace the Lorp | Primate of All Ireland has written a letter, in | which his Grace says :-— “The Catholic Church is animated with the purest Spirit of Charity; and her entire career throughout past ages has been marked by works of mercy and hume nity.” Orders are given that the above inscription in Latin be pasted up in Smithfield: at Oxford, at Ridley’s Cross: at the Louvre, under the window whence Charles TX. fired the shot of the glorious victory of Saint Bartholomew : at the Vatican, Rome, under the inscription commemorating the above happy event ; and at the gates of the Inqui- sition at’ Madrid. Gentlemen doubting the fact are referred to his Grace the Lord Primate of All Ireland, All Ireland —to his Eminence the Lord Cardinal; and to the Reverend the Principal of the Oratory, Birming- ham. LSS srs¢xy JW. A THovenr ror THE Temperance LeaGue. —Total abstinence may improve the Customs of the country, but will ruin the Excise. OOMER. KOSSUTH. Kossutn has made his triumphal entry into the city of London. | The Austrian Ambassador, with wise forecast of the reception that awaited the great Hungarian—who ought, many a month since, accord- | ing to the legitimacy of despotism, to have filled a grave—the Austrian, | turned upon his heel, and for a while went his way. That Kossuru | ought to have saneies a meal to the double-headed Eagle—never to be | gorged to the full with such provender ;—and the rebel had balked the destiny prepared him, had foiled young JoserH and his master Czar, | baffled all odds, and was here—to utter a discourse confounding the policy of the would-be “ gaolers” of the human race. A most pestilent, most perplexing change! When the rebel should have been in his grave,—and there he was, breathing words of flame,—a living P apostie of man’s freedom, in the Guildhall of London! had good right to bite its nails, and curse the SciTay. Kossutu’s progress from his home in Eaton-square—made, for the | while, entirely his, i the true-hearted Englishman, whose roof-tree is for ever honoured by its sometime tenant—Kossutn’s progress to | Guildhall doors, was a triumph swelling and deepening at every step. There was no attempt at show; the man himself was the display: the noble spectacle. The man, whose master-mind had held all Austria at bay—the man, whose voice was as a trumpet to his country’s heart— the man, outraged in his nation, whose living principle he embodied and represented, was revealed to the eyes of .— and they hung | upon that glorious manifestation, with looks of reverence, of love, and | = pA 8 ty upon ; it was ; i but still hopeful, resolute, delying Hungary. | Kossutn was nobly attended on his way from his home to the Guildhall ; for the hearts of Englishmen went along with him: of the men who in their ag, make “the people.” It is true that Kossutn had with him no ish Peer; no star, no garter, made a part of the show: the great Hungarian was not by any of reaching | gitimacy | | the mighty ones of the House of Lords; no, Kossoram had with him | for his escort the people; nothing more ; simply, the people. “ Why is it,” asked Cospew at the Southampton Banquet, “why is it that the name of Louis Kossuts is heard at the firesides of the middle classes, and I would fain hope of the higher classes, one of whom we number among our visitors to-day?” Oneof whom! That “one’ was, of course, Lonpv Dupiey Stuart; whom we can scarcely consider “one.” Surely, by this time, he has disfranchised himself; for so many years has that strange Lord associated his active sympathies with the oppressed and down-trodden of all lands, that he must have almost read himself out of the Court Guide. Has he not sadly compromised nobility by his doings with humanity—has he not well-nigh forfeited the Lord | in his zeal for the people ? “One of the higher classes!” Yet how many talking units of the aristocracy in Parliament, and, at certain seasons on the hustings, are loud and animated in their advocacy of popular freedom! The great champion, great and glorious in his passing defeat, escapes the car- nivorous Jaws of despotism ; a man of consummate genius and of noblest worth—a Gop’s true man evades, by grace of infidel, the hangman’s hands of Christian Emperors, and—save and except that eccentric one, Lorp StvartT—there is neither Earl nor Lord to bid the exile welcome ! But their absence is their own shame ; the cause of KossuTH, as it is cause deep and wide as humanity, can do without them: though, in these days, it may be scant wisdom in themselves to aid in the hing of that social lesson. And yet, among the aristocracy, there might have been found men, with at least a traditional respect for suffering patriotism. There have been heads on the Temple Bar that Kossut# passed through, that even now s to us—there was a head that fell | m Lincoln’s-lnn-Fields—a few paces to the left of Kossurn, on his way to Guildhall—that now utters and will still utter solemn teachings. Yet no live Peer—no breathing liberality of the House of Lords—said welcome to Louis Kossutu. Well, the people of London did the honours ; and so the great Hungarian may excuse the 0 | be sure, if Kapgtzxy or Paskevitcu were to come to —nay,

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putting aside the dread of sheriff’s officers for certain anpaid damages, | Howsoever these things Bloomer : j were SCHWARTZENBURG himself to visit the Met i would be} Not for me the rhombi jelli = and all the weleome of the illustrious new-comers. doors of palatial |Comes an odour up a staircase—savouring of wine; mansions would turn on their harmonious hinges to take them in. | Let it make another’s head ache, for it shall not fuddle mine.” ~ How, fe istenes, did English alates Di e haste ¢ ocwnee sat it fall, the Bloomer was a thing so slow. —how di ‘air aristocracy man’ ush, sublimated for | Now the gents are getting noi ing, hooting—off ! in life, b ihe eonlanaelinicemeneiiiioemmeat: tac ieedl take ao - mere human blood became ichor ? le KossvTH went his victorious way to Guildhall ; and there, in a brief i est hour, did good battle against Austria and Russia —There, in that vm through the glorious halo of his deeds and sufferings, is a sight that for ESS ‘ 7 = time ——_ — ae paid him by th sla of th i. - ee d OssUTH went to receive the homage pa: e people of the ; $ e eS at City of London, without pomp—without display. The straight-forward - OP? s “ simplicity of the man found fitting harmcny in the unstudied welcome val Xa Y) z - that was given him by the mere . The people were at once his Y Ge oe Ze = of guards and his entertainers. for the foul, miserable lies, made to U3 “7 2 = of blacken the name of a man whose reputation is unspotted—lustrous as Gg { “YW = t a sunbeam—they, too, were represented—typified, and to be found in| [AU 2am Yi : the dirt in the path of Kossura—the dirt trodden by the feet of 24 m4 KossuTa’s horses. =Z ; nominal 22 d = \ - THE BLOOMER BALL. SF EG s ia (Suggested by ALynep Tanxyson's “Locksley Hall.”) ce Fa = : Gents! produce your fifteen shillings; take a cab, and the fare : = h- , Bid the driver wait till wanted, near to Hanover’s f uare. — ae z= a ’Tis the place; and all around it crowds collect, who shout and call At the people driving onwards to attend the Bloomer Ball : Bloomer Ball—that in the papers promised much that might attract Quite an overflow Lin, rushing like a cataract. Many a night to y r building have I journey’d, nicely dress’d, To a ball or evening concert, patronised by all the West : Many a night I saw the broughams coming forward through the shade, Glittering, with their lamps all lighted, like a line of silver braid, “ * * * * * ST a i Oh! the dreary, dreary aspect of the barren Bloomer Ball ! By a higher range of clothing and a somewhat shorter skirt ;

For, the latter to the former, are as one to ninety-nine.

I remember one on Monday—heavily she moved about, With a foot that might be taken for a martyr to the gout. Rat Fe Sta, a CR Be anything on eart As I stepped into the ‘ Saw the crowd of men on town, closely pack'd as close could be ; Saw the patent leather-boots—saw the coat with well-cut tail— When that rarity, a a‘ Not in vain the Bloomer movement. Forward! forward, let us range! Set the world of fashion spinning—all improvement comes from change. *Twixt the two extremes of folly common sense is always found, ’Twixt the skirt above the knees, and the skirt that sweeps the ground.

-room, far as any eye could see | “ Brew your q one who calls ieee ted ony Saw the Gibus hats, white chokers, and the embroider'd shirt of male. | «4 mans ox paradise is imperfect ; there are no beds in it! Heard the rooms all filled with shouting, and there rose a mocking cheer,| “ (hristmas comes but once a year ! . ’mongat them to appear. “Still it is most difficult to say—and we must again repeat our THE LEADER OF A FRENCH NEWSPAPER. Fresca Editors (if there is such a thing as a French Editor stil) exist- ing—out of prison) are puzzled to know what to write about. If they Oh! my Bloomers, chicken-hearted! Oh! my Bloomers, what a fall!| write about politics, their paper is sure to be , if those polities are not exactly to the taste of the President. Still their paper

Seedier than fancy dresses ; dirtier than Showman’s stocks, must be filled—and, to avoid imprisonment, and at the same time fill Half-a-dozen pairs of trousers, half-a-dozen school-girls’ frocks. their columns with something, it is not unusual to meet with a Leader Tis as well, perc that ladies should avoid the London dirt, like the following, dressed in all the honours of the largest type : “WHAT WILL BECOME OF FRANCE? ’s new. | “Iti 1 Brew your quarrels ai home, if 70a like, but do not expect question, which ends our “thirty = it cannot a one we om he} the day en, in gent oper they’ guring away. “ We have asked—and asked—until we are tired of asking. As the hus shall the wife ~, « will have to wear a gown, “ Where’s the use of asking, if you never pet a reply ? If he does not quickly make her put her Bloomer short-coats down. “ Echo would answer ‘ Where ’—only she has got the influenza. Who can say—what aesthe to go to—’tis too difficult by half; “ Yesterday there was a new moon, Some are higher than the knee, some are lower than the calf. “Do you think the Hedgehog is happy, beeause he hasn’t to shave saw P Tis the Ball! but, oh! how dreary !—men and women don’t combine ; | ve Hark | ‘what fearful cry was that ? ; - “It the ery of ‘Marchand d’ Habi-i-i-its’—but the Seine will not Thinly scattered are the females, scorning custom’s decent rules ; Py poy Ae the less for that to-morrow ! Dense the pack of men assembled, looking like a crowd of fools. “ ies of Paris, S the greatest!!! Well! ’tis well that ’tis a failure ; had it more successful proved, “ Fall tie — ye ams oy wy gg Perhaps the hateful Bloomer nuisance for a time had onwards moved. | “Twice happy is the man who can cut his own hair! Where’s the beauty in concealment of an ankle neatly turn’d? | ” ©The san Pt rise to-morrow, and rise the day after that,”and”per- Though they ’re right in closely hiding legs that are as awkward spurn’d. haps the day after that, and yet the Pm — te - | hands upon him for inciti “ And yet upwards of s wer Garde Champétre upon the plea of their Rovezs!!!! will not dare to lay people to Rise! carrots were pulled up yesterday by a Yearning for the large excitement that a Bloomer Ball might yield, “ : complaints lie at their doors, but Many thought, for some amusement, they might in it find a field ; aan nee wag kone aes aes a And at might one Se pee, near the corner of the Square, “Two and two make four—and we hope the Procureur-General will At om sow oe . reer © ties groans 00 clase ; not soseoute us for saying so—for really we Know no better, an u' crow! was disappointed, seeing what nessed nm; j “ . in renchmen Scarcely half-a-dozen nearly seven hundred men. waaiens so § ’ ' y Bloomers, . J Men the Guardsmen, men the idlers, men with oe earth to do, a a political article in baste, and repent fa peioen at leisure. married couple, both of squint. ts are lost in his nighteap. Leader— “ WHAT EVER WILL BECOME OF FRANCE ? (Signed) “ Victron Trmcanorrs. “gee. Pélagie.”’

ee te “ .

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PROGRESS OF BLOOMERISM. concn has been informed a gunsmith that some 4 attired in the Bloomer dress, called at bis shop, and asked to see some caps. The Bloomer costume facili- | tating walking very much, it is’ in contemplation that young | ladies assuming it, shall walk | into various situations hitherto | appropriated to the harder sex. | We understand that » banker has been favoured with a cir- cular, inviting him to take Bloomer clerks, Bloomers talk | also of demanding admittance | to inebiy they ue -j Fa pro y wou ept | out of these professions by | their own objection to the | gown. smart, active | | A young Bloomer, with a character fro her last place—a lady's maid | —wants a situation as a| tigress. H. M.S. “PRINCE OF WALES.” Amone the documents from which we extracted lately, belonging to this vessel, were found the following letters. They appear to have formed part of a kind of hostile correspondence, arising from a dis- agreement between Apminat Benwpow Hazy and one of his officers. We are given to understand that they illustrate with some clearness the nature of those disturbances which lead to the courts martial not unfrequent in Hem Masesry’s service. No, L : H. M.S. Prince of Wales, Serpentine. “T have the honour to call your attention to the fact that, when the hands were on deck this morning, you , in relation to myself, while duty was going on, the words ‘Son of a Sea-cook.’ I beg to ask you whether you intended by the epithet in question to detract from my reputation as an officer and a gentleman ? “Tl am, Sir, your obedient Servant, “To Apminat Bewsow Hazy. Guimty Sroox, Liewtenant.” o 2 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. No. 2. 1. M.S. Prince of Wales, Serpentine. « Sir, on Her Masesty’s service, of yesterday’s date. “ Nothing more tends to promote insubordination in one of Her language of their superiors. “If you wish it, I will commun may give you an opportunity of causing a Court of Inquiry to be held to investigate the circumstances. “T am, Sir, your obedient Servant, “ To Lisut. Gurmiy Sroon. Bexsow Hazy, Admiral.” No. 3. “Sir,—I cannot consider your explanation wit reference to the epithet, ‘Son of a Sea-cook,’ satisfactory under the circumstances. feel sure that, = further reflection, you will seé the propriety of modifying the sive expression. Otherwise T a you to forward copies of this correspondence to their | ips of the | | Admiralty, that they may act in the matter as they see fit. “Your obedient Servant, Gauuty Sroonx, Lieutenant.” No. 4. (Latter from Admiral, acknowledging receipt ) No. 5. (Letter from Lieutenant, calling attention.) “ To Apwrsat. Bewsow Hazy. No. 6. (Letter from Admiral to Admiraity.) Hi. “T have the honour to acknowledge the receipt of your jetter, Mazesty’s ships than the custom of compluint by inferior officers of the , : ‘ . | the icate to their Lordships your dis.| satisfaction with your Admirals conduct, in order that their Lordships | conducted. driven out of his mind by the repeal of the Corn Laws. No. 7. (Admiralty to Admiral.) (Admiralty to Lieutenant (Lieutenant to Admiraliy) ' (Admiralty to Orown Lawyer, on the meaning of the epithet”) (Crown Lawyer's Opinion” on “ Som of Sea-cook.”) (Admiraity to Admiral, leddahhsailieg an “ arrangement.’”) No. 13. HMS. Prince of Wales, Serpentine. “T have to communicate to you, with regard to the subj-ct of our correspondence, that in using the epithet, ‘Son of a Sea-cook,’ | had no wish to detract from your family, nor to —- that you were incapable of discharging other duties than those which devolve upon sea-cooks generally 1 am sorry that your warmth should have led to a controversy disturbing the harmony hitherto prevalent on board H_MW_S. Prince of W ales. “ Your obedient Servant, Bewsow Hazy, Admiral.” ** Sir, “To Larvur. Griwuy Spoon.” No. 14, M.S. Prince op Wales, Serpentine. “I beg to express my satisfaction at the fact, that your epithet, ‘Son of a Sea-cook,’ was not intended to depreciate me personally or professionally. ; : “Your obedient Servant, Gay Spoon.” So the affair appears to have terminated amicably; and, imdeed, Apmixat Bewsow Hazy expressed himself gratified with the result, at the dinner-table of Sim —— ——, K.C.B., when the affair was last mentioned. We believe that the Fn state of the active list has, how- ever, prevented their Lordships from again employing LiszuTenayt Garmy Sroon afloat. *.* We have made several inquiries ourselves, on the origin and real meaning of the epithet in question; but we have been unable to learn why a “ sea-cook” is more contemptible than other cooks, and has any peculiar degradation which can be supposed to attach to his geny. Mr. Spoon, we believe, is from a branch of the Sroons of amish, in Suffolk. “ Bir, “ To Apminat Bexsow Hazy. GRAND PROTECTIONIST GOOSE CLUB. In consequence of the great suceess of the Goose Clubs, which are prevalent at the present season of the year, it is in contemplation by the country party to establish a Wild-Goose Club, for the exclusive use of the Protectionists. One of the main objects of the club will he the getting up of a grand wild-goose chase alter Protection during the ensuing session of Parliament. The wild-goose chase will cali into requisition several of the old Parliamentary h and fine sport is expected. In order to give as much variety as possible to the attrac- | tions of the Wild-Goose Club, many of the members of the country party are prepared to go upon any number of wild-goose errands. The promoters of the club are im treaty for an extensive mare’s-nest, whcre rocess of hatching the reqnisite number of Wild Geese may be The Wild Geese will be fed upon Wild Oats, sown by an Measures will be taken to secure the well-known bird in hand with the celebrated two in a bush—the search after which will, it is expected, turn out to be a most exhilarating wild-goose errand. Further particulars will be duly announced ; and in the meantime al! letters may be addressed to Goosey Goosgzy GanpeR, Esq, Old Bond Street. SOMETHING LIKE A MIRACLE. Tue following wonderful passage occurs in an account of a prize- fight, given by a sporting contemporary. It may be premised that one lot the combatants had his jaw broken. At row “ 4 Srevens led off with a spanking hit again on the riba, which was heavily returned by Sarra on the left ear, aad Srevess went down. 5. Srevens hit out with his left, catching Surry above the left eye, whith bled freely. A scrambling rouad to the ropes, where beth were dows, Serra ander. 6 A short and sharp round. They closed for the fall; both down. Strxvews ander. 7. The men ail alive.” All alive! Well, realiy that does seem rather . All alive, after such a pommelling! Who shall say that miracles have ceased? The actual bruisers may vie with the leg confessors who walked with their heads off, and, we believe, (with a slight mental | reservation) came together, and came to, after having been cut into little bits. Nevertheless, two fellows beating each other “es although they should remain all alive, form = not very Exhibition in 185).

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI 211 FUNNY MARKET AND WITTY INTELLIGENCE. | “THE FIVE NIGHTS OF ST. ALBANS.” } Norwrrnstaxprxc the im-| We remember, though very hazily indeed, that years ago, a romance provement in the funds of of the above name, exercised a most awful power over our young j umour, which we have re- | imagination. The effect, if we remember right, was in a great measure cently noticed, they made a | produced by the mysterious lighting up of the old Abbey, night after further advance in conse-| night of the “five” which were the subj of the tale. How it was quence of a large transac- lighted ; what went on there ; what would come of it; all these specu- tion in stock jokes, sup-| lations kept us in a haze of mysterious wonder, scarcely dispelled posed to have been made in | altogether by the birch which rudely woke us from the dream when anticipation of the Christ- | We happened to indulge in its fascination “during school-hours.” mas pantomimes. The| Now that we are come, however, to mature years, we clearly perceive burlesque writers have not | that there exists in the St. Albans of to-day the materials for an equally yet begun to operate; but | Stirring romance. The commission sitting there affords the subject : | when they do commence, | and as for the “ five nights ;” five nights, there, at least, were recently the better sort of puns Occupied in proceedings of a character as secret and as interesting as will go rapidly up; but it |ever were the materials of romance or novel yet. A novelist ought to is expected they will go take up the notion, and he would find that it would lead him quite out down—with the audiences |of the common track (including the (Mrs.) Radcliffe Highway) of —at about Christmas time. | fiction. A gloomy feeling | Of course there would have to be a love story for basis. Young was caused by the | Dispamont is devotedly attached to ADELINDA; has courage, con- rumour of the fail- |stancy, &c.—everything but — ApgLinpa’s parent, Sixanwarto ure of one of the | (of noble Italian origin), is an electioneering solicitor, who sternly oldest jokers in the | forbids the union. Lovers are in despair. Dixpamont soliloquising City. The fact is, | near the Abbey, and, being told to “ move on,” suddenly observes strange that the trade has/|lights ina house. Lover enters; is down and hustled out. been for some time | Grief of Apetovpa. This would occupy one night. = thoroughly inun- The second night arrives. DiypaMont steals off to watch the strange dated with his jokes, | house again. Dark figure apprenchans in cloak—moonlight ad lid., of - ye and he has long been | course. Driypamont nears him; packet falls from stranger’s hand. “” dealing; in accom-| Ha! the gleam of gold! ‘ modation jokes, got| The third night Srxawarro (in disguise) steals to Dixpamont; | up between himself and another, whose name we will not at present | takes him off with him to strange house, Groups, wax-lights, mysterious mention. Their dealings were almost entirely in chaff, and the Millers packages, &c. “Dost thou vote?” And the youth, raising his eyes | —Joz—and company, into whose books they had gone very deeply—| to heaven, replied, “ Yes!” will be the chief sufferers. Some light comic business about the beer of the , and the | ‘There was an arrival to-day of conundrums and other dry goods, speci-| “ merrie jests” of the “host” of the Keys, might gradually up mens of which were handed about rather freely. Several parcels were | to the proceedings of the fourth night. “ Drpamowr happens (any- consigned to the Punch Office, but few are above the average. The fol-| thing “happens,” you know, in novels) to be the dangerous witness lowing are the best quotations :— against Srxanalto by the machinations of i ey solicitor “If figs are sold at sixpence a pound by the ‘drum,’ how Sak so rival. Banquet. Proposed flight. Passionate scene between they be sold by the trumpet ?” Srxanaito, DiwpaMontT, and ADELINDA. a ; : 7 ; | And, on the fifth night, Despamowt and Apgtiwpa, who have been in eer ton is the price of lead in sheets, what would it be worth | married in the morning, fly of with Srxasarto’e blessing, and some i , . : elp from the “ Sitting Member” to the honeymoon at Boulogne. aon — = be Bang with small yarn, some of which was | A. means ne this eubyet. ;4 hand cg better bes quiet u () g:— about it. For, as part of the interest w iti it wi we “An individual says that the following translation struck him (it| ‘to bring out the k while the Bo: oe Albans has still a would have served him right had it knocked him down) during a three- | political existence,—which won’t be long ! hours’ journey from Kensington to the City :—Nemo omnibus horis sapit, | No one knows the times of an omnibus.” | There has been a perfect glut of the lower quality of stuffs, which ; , Taw . are oflered of any 47 the dealers would have nothing to do with | COUNSEL’S OPINION ON THE APPROACH OF WINTER. them. The following will suffice to show the kind of article that some | A LAY BY A LAWYER, NOT A REGULAR LAYMAN, unprineipled persons, trading on such capital as may be found in the : = hi — alphabet, are desirous of foisting on the community. “How,” asks Wuenezas the wind is turning o’er the leaves one of these unprincipled rey my in a —y circular, Hay can | ‘ is nature J guy: oprnadiog them fore and aft ; you express in four units is or man’—l. 0. 2. 8. nd, Inasmuch as everybody grieves Oue—onght—to—eat,” is the reply he hazards.” We are not sure that | To be so soon perusing such a draft ; an indictment for to get under false pretences would not | And. farth the t of the lie against the person thus committing himself; or, at all events, for | r; t ahh epee an thus pay sed —— joke, as the following goes to show a second case | Renders it needless that we should be told P ’ «KF ( 1 “Why iss “ lhe a chicken welking?—Because it’s 2 Jack Frost approaches, (here the writer sneezed) owl proceeding ! ” Truly, herein-before recited frost There can be no doubt that the person capable of hatching a thing | will lead to herein-after mentioned ice ; of this ot deserves to be completely beaten up with eggs in the | = apsinat — ice at any Lay nearest pi i | is poetic Counsel’s vice, There had been no packet from the Isle of Dogs when we went to | press; and a funny dog we had expected from that quarter bas | accordingly not arrived. ‘ Kossuth and the Doctors. ann eo, hoe eat hem, gounted = . by oT 4 dos . our! Tue Globe says that Sim James Craxx has called at Eaton Place— , who, with his « commi at once e kennel. S site ” Why is = bald man like an invalid?—Beeause he wants fresh avail blmecif therest "The eomry i arent nde 5 ao oem es aotinay (b)air.”’ | which suggested this visit, not without its sign’ | After this it will be to keep the reader any longer in the} Sim James Crank, the man whose healing fingers are wont to encircle Oppressive atmos the Funny Market, and we accordingly | the wrist of Queew Vicromsa! Truly, there i# significancy in such a | Telease him from his painful position. visit. And yet Kossura might, we dare say, have royal physicians in | sabe plenty, if he cared to take their . Can we doubt, for oe | instance, that Russia would refuse copay sore ; or that the Emrznon Ax Oxp Provers Imrnovep.—A Wink is as good as a Nod to a ov AusTmta—the Hungarians’ “ beardless Nexo "—would fail to Blind Auctioneer. |bim an Escutarivs ? Vou, XXI, Y

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL MR. MOLONY ON THE POSITION OF THE BAR AND ATTORNEYS. (To the Editors of Newspapers in general) —Tae Times newspaper: | in te articles of Friday and Satarday u the position Attorneys, the hopes, as it the sentiments, of torious, ' : I blash not to’ own it—hitherto a briefless one. Of what avail have been my genius and my toil, | my presence in the C | at the lamp ? write—sitting solitary. Hall f yee let Me al ply all (not for choice, t t pass) ribald jokes of my brethren, regarding a subject which concerns us so nearly. But yesterday, as with a heaving breast and an - flashing with indignation, | commented upon the statement of t Law Review and the Times, that an Attorney had settled a practice to the amount of a thousand a-year upon his daughter, the wife of a Barrister—W ice.ns, of the Western Circuit, a flippant member of the with the heartlessness which characterises him, said, ‘I recom- mend you, Motony, my bog. to see if the Attorney has got any more daughters to marry” And he added, that he himeelf intended to take lodgings in Bedford Row, and create an early interest in the girls’ minds, by giving lolli to the Attorneys’ children as they went out to walk. remarks of a similar nature were made. Mr. Hvueson’s name was mentioned amongst others, whe has thrown over a young lady who was tenderly attached to him, for the purpose of marrying a young lady who has a large Old Bailey connection. “ Sir—these remarks sickened me. I come of arace that holds honour Sacred, and likes not to jest with Sacred thi That the Attorney may be cast back into the perdition from whieh reptile sprung—that that livid and low-born wretch shall no longer interpose between the ay wor Barrister and the distressed public, is the wish and hope of | my heart, “Cast away this intermeddler, and anew era commences for a profes- sion. Talent henceforth speaks for itself. Parties interested in litiga- tion are therefore interested in selecting their own Counsel. That an Attorney's wife should be his mother-in-law, is no longer considered to be a requisite part of the education of a Barrister-at-Law. The pro- fession is to oe relieved from that incubus ; and walks forth in its high | mission, erect and free. “ Except upon terms of hostility, I, for one, declare upon my honour, I have never had dealings with an Attorney. I have known such men but as the extortionate agents of unscrupulous tradesmen. Kather | than receive the emissaries of Attorneys, the writs of Attorneys, I have quitted my chambers for the country, or the apartments of a frend, or | have simulated absence, and closed my door. “In court, and on cireuit, | have preserved the same independent line of conduct. 1 have passed briefs across the table to other men. | myseif was too proud to have dealings with persons belonging to the lower branch of a profession which is at once the noblest and the mcst | debasing in existence. “In the country where | first drew breath, and over which my | ancestors reigned sovereign—in the green land of my fathers—(need name thee, my beautiful, my 7 my uted Ireland ?)— Attorneys have been shot, bave been ustled have been ducked to! death. My dying sire left me scarce any other legacy than hereditary enmity to that race. In my heart of hearts I cherish that hatred: in my bosom’s depths I nourish that holy and unquenchable flame. | Attorneys brought ruin upon me and mine. Vampires! how long have | they fattened on the red blood of the noble and the brave! A coward, | skuiking, and in disguise, a janissary of a firm in Dublin, penetrated my | grandsire’s ball, and served a writ on the unsuspecting old man. Ruin) followed on his ruthless footstep, The halls are desolate now, where | the great feasted, and the poor found shelter. The Attorney passed | over our threshold, and the child of kings was a . There is a grass-grown ruin in Connemara—there is a quenched hearthstone among the weeds there—where the fires of princes smoked for a thousand years. In a lonely chamber, in London, their descendant struggles against fortune. Something tells him that she will visit the Exile! i “The time has come, then, when the At and the Barrister may present bimself with open breast to the world. I am ready. Iam here. Men of my seek ye redress? Here is one will help ye. Unfortunate, n ye a Champion? need ye eloquence to aid your cause? Orphans, are ye deprived of r rights? Mothers, wives, children! tremble ye for the fate of usband, father, pursued by vindictiveness? is one that wi shelter ye in his immaculate robe, while he does battle with the yelling | heli-hounds of the law ! “My written style is feeble in comparison with my spoken ; | the torrents of my native mountains are not more Rmpetaons the | cascades of my oratory. Rainbows play around their irresistible flow— they fructify as they roll. I aderm every which I touch. | ind enriched with classie tore, and native tradition, | Lam ready. I am here, “T beg to announce that I shall be at home he eee 3 wy chambers, 5, Gutter Court by fearth floor—from wine @’clock till | eleven every morning : and in t evenings after the Courts of West- were closed. —_ ot ee ; “ As I have never yet receive visits of any Attorney, the public may have confidence in me; and | shall be happy to advice and take fees DIRECTLY, and without the mtervention of middie man, so | ruinous alike to counsel and client. ’ : “ My staircase is proverbially easy of ascent, and occasionally lighted | at night. My sitting-room is airy. A bench for clients will be found | im the passage, and gentlemen coming on business connected with the Old Bailey will be treated privately in my clerk’s room, by one who hopes the public will soon better know the name of “ Temple, Nov.7. Taapprvs Moxoxy.” torney may be dashed aside, AN ELYSIAN TEA PARTY. Iw bright Elysian bowers a troop of dames, Such, first of Georces, as thine era claims, As stil] their custom, blest as sprites can be, Met to partake in tattle and in tea, A purer Hyson scatters fragrance round ; With choicer China stands the table crown'd ; A sleeker Cat is purring on the rug; Upon the sofa snores a fatter Pug; More hideous Ido!s goggle on the shelf, And tea is handed by a blacker EIf. Oh, happy they, im that delightful place, With endless cards and everlasting lace, Unfading silks, and charms that never droop, And all the glories of the train and hoop, Where, fixed for ever in their proper sphere. They ’re more at home than ever they were “What news from Earth ?” Betrvpa first began ; “ What ’s the last folly of that monster, Man ?”— “ Not Man’s,” fair Cetta said, “the last new freak.”— “Indeed! What is’t?” cried Cutoe. “ Prithee, speak !”— “A revolution "—“ I sw no PuyY.uis exclaim’d—“ has broken out m—dress. A Colone!’s Colonel, Fashion’s law defies, And lifts the name of Broomer to the skies, A hat, like some gigantic mushroom, shades The head, whose locks are bound in closest braids ; A light surtout invests the female beau——”— “ Gracious |” cried Darmwe ; Cretaia murmured,“ Oh !”— “The flowing form no stays coercive bind ; No tasteful art sets off the form behind. Scarce to the knee the tunic’s skirt descends, And the attire—in short—in trousers ends.” — “The strife is won at last!” sharp Bringer cries, ** And woman gains the long-disputed prize.” — “ Nay,” replies sage Cianissa, “ child, not so! Ne’er to those—things—the sex will influence owe; Still let them keep—if they ’d retain their sway— Those flowing robes, that most mankind obey. Power's empty badges leave the men to bear; Nor, save in figure, what-d’ye-call-’ems wear. But see, here comes Stn PLume’s conceited ghost : Czsaz !—my fan, and more ambrosia-toast ! ” Sporting, British and Foreign. Tue Swe reports thati— “ The long-talked-of fight between Loro H "s two owls—TJron Beak and Young, and twelve rats—came off at midnight, om the 27th of October, ia the drawing-room of the Jockey Club. Is not the venue of this transaction a misnomer, as the lawyers say? Drawing-room ? ,, Should it not have been Badger-drawing-room ?

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THE GUILDHALL FEAST; oa, OD ON LORD MAYOR'S DAY. (4 Fragment. After Duxven.) Seems deaf as clod, Cam only nod, If question interferes, The rites of Harker now ’tis fitting shoulid be "Twas ab the civic feast, on having wou The chair of Wurrtincron, Aloft, in lordly state, The worthy Hunter sate On his official throne, The Ministers were placed around ; Their minds to capon and to turtle bound ;— So should desert in Whigs be crown’d. The plucky Premrer near his side Sat, who the Porg or Rome defied, When he the Hat on England tried. Happy, happy, happy Mayor! None but a trump, None but a trump, None but a trump deserves the fare. Musicians, placed on high, Lest waiting guests should tire, With soothing airs allay’d desire ; *Till fragrant fumes ascend the sky, And rapturous thoughts inspire. The feast began—by Jove !— With sonp that might be rank’d above Ambrosia, which the Immortals love. The turtle’s shapeless form supplied the prog, Sublime repast of MaGoe and of Gos. The banquet was by Buaret drest : Two hundred and a half tureens—enough to feast a world! The serving men quick hand the plates around, And sighs of ecstacy and smacking lips resound. With heedless ears, Each gourmand hears, sung: Of Hanxenr ever jolly, never sprung, Lo! with the loving-eup he comes ; Twang the trumpets, thump the drums. Now sip the spicy bow!; he comes! he comes! Harxer, jolly, but ne’er sprung, Over civic toasts doth reign, Hagxen’s richness is a treasure ; Drinking is the City’s pleasure ; Fine the treasure, Vast the pleasure, Patriotic cups to drain. Here, long ago, Ere yet iced punch had learned to flow, While pines were unknown fruit ; The Aldermen, in antique suit And quaint attire, Their paunches lined with beef from oxen cooked entire. At last great FrancaTevti came, To renovate the human frame : Refined gastronomer, whose precious lore, Enlarging ancient cookery’s bounds, New notions constantly propounds Of kickshaws, and tit-bits, and plates unknown before. If Buraes will not yield the prize, Let both contest the crown, And, while his best each artist tries, Let Punch to judge sit down.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL Iv ANSWER TO NUMEROUS INQUIRIES, WE ARE HAPPY TO SAY, THAT Mz. Baicos Is Quire WELL, THES OPPORTUNITY To Give HIS Famity a yew Riprse Lessons. AND at Brieutrow. He ts TAKING WE SHOULDN'T WoNDER WF HE WENT OUT WITH THE HARRIERS Is a Day on Two. T. COPPOCK AND ST. ALBANS. Ir the revelations made to the Commission Soguising into of election in the case of Bett and Canpew disgust a clean cleon mid with, the foulness of the borough of St. Albans; at least ‘there is a com- pensating comfort in the “ horror ” of the “ ‘solicitor and parliamentary | agent,” Sr. Corrocx. Soothing and beautiful, as. matters of irritation and disgust, was the evidence of our Sarst (Punch cannot but canonize him while yet in the flesh) James Corrocx. Sr. Corrocx said :— “ If, instead of going through the register of voters, as Epwanps had done, marking the name of everyone who sold his vote, he were to go through the list of British boroughs returning members to Parliament, beginning with Abingdon and ending with Stafford, and if he were to put opposite the names of the respective members, ‘bought his seat, he should make a more extraordimary disclosure than that of Ma. Epwaaps himself.” Sr. Sterueyw must have held his nose at this denounced corruption of his children. But what follows is sustaining from its beauty, its generous frankness. Here C orrock expands into the saint, with the melodious twang” of AuBREY’s departing sprite - “ He stated this, to show the system, of which no man had a greater horror in the kingdom than himself.” How wholesome comes St. Corrocx’s horror upon us—what a note of melody, and whiff of violets from amidst the mosey cheese corrup- tionists of St. Albans! We tie a few flowers together, culled Sr Corrock—sanctified as he is by his horror : “ £2500 was to be Ma. Bet stood, and witness had heard that £1500 was Sra Rosser Carvey s limit. “SU 1s A i - t didate simply for the ee meiple of ‘bleed and bribe’ had always been the ruling ple. ° i to do with the arrangement —— > en derived no advantage but a poli- tical one Great is the capacity of the “ _- ”"—the political “ but.” No money down ; dxé the future com “but; ” as appears further on :-— “It was not unusual with him on similar ‘occasions to recommend to Government | ss post people in his own office, on the principle of serving those who | served him -}on the | Sr. Corrock, surviving his ‘ | reciprocate services bestowed ! “ When Sia H. G. Warp stood for St. Albans, it cost him £2400. When he stood for Sheffield, containing some th is in population, it only cost him £150.” ‘horror” at bribery and corruption, to And here comes the remedy :— “You caxwor,” Samp Tax WITNESS, EMPHATICALLY, “PREVENT THIS SPECIES OF EXPENDITURE, UNTIL YOU ALLOW THE BALLOT, WHICH WOULD BE THE ONLY PRE- VENTIVE aGaIner Barsesy.” Mr. Corrock has, it ap n practice as a parliamentary agent, for twenty years; an ane time ina a of horror at the wickedness, the human dy e has been doomed, by his fees, to entertain. For twenty years he has handled piteh, suffering twenty years’ horror at the defilement! Wonderful is the ‘self-adaptability of the human animal to circumstance. Men have entered ovens with shoulders-of-mutton, and sucking pigs; coming out alive and well | though perspiring somewhat, with the mutton deliciously browned, and the pig m a complete armour of crackling. Str Jouw Matcotm speaks of a man whose daily diet was a certain allowance of corrosive sublimate; and the man ate, and was merry. And it now appears that, albeit horror may turn white mt ym — my lpoae =a , to —_ (especially if and seasoned with a poli * bu lor t years. seem the rigours of Sr. Srr.irzs on his desert Sr. Coprock ight bolster? What the anguish of the self-inflicted scourge to the poignant recollections of human baseness! And yet man (especially when a parliamentary agent) may be brought to flourish upon horror, turning it by the alchemy of custom into gold—to sovereign The Crowns of Hungary and Austria. Ir has been asked, “ Where is the Crown of St. Stephen?” Punch | is unable to say where: but of this, Pusch is certain. Wherever it may be, it is far better off than the Crown of Austria; for that (at present) is on the head of a perjurer, named Faancts-Joserd. | |

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GSE $545 1 Yee 2. ‘nnn lt 4 ’ ; i KK AMERICA, Kossutu. “FAST FRIE N DS.”

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 217 BLOOMERISM. A Latren-Day Faacuent. By Tuomas Swanyiez. A map world this, my friends, a! world in its lunes, petty and other ; in lunes other than petty | in petty- lunes, pettilettes, or about | these six weeks, ever now for some time; pantalettes, since when this ram- call Bloomerism ; fashion of Sister Jowatuan’s. Trou- | sers tight at ankles, t == 5 ‘tums Pa kim, as Tout a oe some degree 4 brevity, knees, | What I’m told is nothing but canvas and with ultra-marines ; ‘which, whatever they may be, ain’t fit to \ peragrey berm gr Guards ; frilled ; scending with perhaps 4scending to throat and open at chemisette-front, 0 or Dastened there ; Collar down-turned over ; and, crowning all, broad-brimm hat ; said garments severally feathered, trimmed, ribboned, variegated, | according to the fancies and the vanities : these, chiefly, are the outwar differences between Bloomer dress and customary feminine Old Clothes. Not much unlike nursery-uniform you think this description of costume, | but rather considerably like it, [ compute, “To me,” writes GiumM, in his own —a Bloomers seem to resemble, in great her in her wages, and backwards, as Hd eat | Mamma, for Young see tn at all v9 parry for my part, but much — tol be admired on any account, and look upon com at the best, as mere | strapping hoydens and unfeminine tomboys.” Nor will y most likely, more than Giomm, discern aught laudable in exte Bloomerism : a frippery: an excrescence of the conceits| and the coquetries. Invisible are the merits of the Bloomer diss, | such as it has. A praiseworthy point in Bloomerism the emancipation | of the ribs: an exceeding riddance the deliverance from corset, trammelling genteel thorax with springs of steel and whalebone, screwing in waist to Death’s hour-glass contraction, and squeezing lungs, liver, and midriff into an unutterable oe Commendable, dood pe a sous-jupe bouffante, or ineffable wadding, invented suppose, by some Hottentot to i e female contour after the type | of ENvS, his “fatherland” s, and _ Gythera’s. Wholesome, moreover, | and convenient, the abbreviation of trains, serving in customary female Old Clothes the purpose of m, and no other: real improvements, doubtless, these Prepaid ruinous shams, ri us unveracities, and idolatries of indescribable mud- ——— But Bloomerist inex- pressible affectations, and mimicries of masculine garments, nether and upper, such, my friends, I take to be no more than dumb, inarticulate clamo’ for the io a ° of Women, ape Sanp phantasms, and mutinous meri te and transcendent. The last new madness is this a tie Ben latest species of insanity epidemic from time to time : ing been the mania before | Disputes about surplices in pulpit, ame elsewhere, give place to controversies in theatres and Poture-halls concerning petty lunes and frilled tenemra: paraphernalia, however, 7 less important than | canonicals, as ‘or one. Better, I say, Mus. Buoomer im her| petty | Rev. ALorsivus QuippLepor® in dalmatic and chasuble. by oa are we, my friends, m this mad world, amid the! halloomgs and bawlings, and guffaws and imbecile simperings and , blinded we rye November E suenates of coxcombries and vanities, stunned by the of flunkeys, | Maniacs and simpletons in peers pret Ics and the petty lunes ; ; here, | say, do we, with Bloomerism h us bubbling uppermost, stand, hopelessly upturning our eyes for Ls daylight of heaven, upon the unfathomable guif of brink of a vexed ¢ : apehood and asshood simmering orever ! Not exactly the Man of a few Words. | Louis Napoxeon has just delivered a little Message to the Assembly | —only five columns long. If Louts Napoizon’s Messages run to that | extraordinary we should like to know the extent of one of his conversations. wee ng meet tee aap ore | the term of his office extended ; for he wishes to “say a few words” to a IIIS - shat teree youre are bap ng a b ect for life, and then he ’ll speak his mind! beset by a ascertaining a man’s walk in life than ‘by reference to KNIGHTSBRIDGE BARRACKS—BROMPTON KITCHENS, “Mx. Puncn, Front Kitchen, No. —, Brompton Crescin, “I waure to you as one who won’t see women put upon (there’s three of us, Exiza, the under Maanrua, the \g00k, and me here, at No. —, Brompton Cresein)—I write write to you for the wicked hardheartedness of Times cook all | built—a sort of one ‘things, win ea oF bl ike it, always whet tought to bo, and what woulda? be lang ap in tommy decent families 1’ ve lived in. “Do away with the Barracks for picturs! As if there could be such a Li them bullworks of their country—the Guards ; both Blues Reds ! Fran it my ‘lod don't thirty wollte, wen I, thlals thet three in his blessed stockings, with a colour like a moustarchers soft as any mouse’s back)—nnd to think thet kien end ench as him checld to cust Gun eabe coum for ed |—why, to think of it—but never ! “IT don’t write this without knowing what I’m about. round the Crescin, and there isn’t a maid in the p one—for th re all of a mind; and they say, if’ the barracks is to be removed, an the dear soldiers sent into country quarters—there isn’t a servant that won’t give warning, unless railway expenses is allowed days out more than doubled, “ Fine Arts, I hear they call ‘em. ee Rid. . "| Arts in the world—as fine as they might t be—could ev to the sweet, sweet Blues; for why should [ hide it—thet is is Hewny’s | regimen ! ? “You will, therefore, Mr. Punch, give warning that if the Barracks | is removed, the streets that embraces them—as far as housemaids is | concerned—will be a howling wilderness. Me, Exiza, and Cook are all of a mind; and if they move the barracks, are, to a woman, ready with our boxes, to move with the first blast of the trumpet. 1 am, “Your humble servant, Mr. Punch, to command, “Sama ——. “Such fun! Missus has just sent in another goose ; which won’t we singe with half-a-dozen Zimeses to-night. Henny, and ’Gustus, and CuHakLisz (this is tween us) is a comin!” CARLYLE ON NOBILITY. Ma. Canty e says, in his recently-published Life of Jouw Sren.ise, that if asked how a noble life is to be led, the heart’s anouee will be, “* Nonsense! Noble life is in Drury Lane, and wears yellow a ne We can fancy some p shoemaker adopting this ss — it in his hand and advertisements, afier the followeae im: — NOBILITY FOR THE MILLION! Those who wish to walk in the footsteps of Nobility, should hasten to the GOLDEN BOOT, NEAR DRURY LANE, | And supply themselves immediately with a pair of our Kight-and-Sixpennies. According to Canuyie, the Gotpen Loot, wean Davuny Lane, is the only way to a noble life. *." Copy the Address !|—Come Barly { We certainly were not aware that there was any particular virtue im a boot or a shoe; but perhaps Mu. CantyLe may recognise about the | foot that peculiar nobility of sole which he ma | 2 Nobililas, there is no more ready But perhaps, after his shoe | Stamp of his character. The Worst of British Bloomerism. We do not feel much alarmed by the probability that Barramwia will leave off her Petticoats; but the news from land makes us seriously apprehensive that she may give up her Cape. * Page 92. regard as the Sola | We may certainly look to the boot or the stamp of the | | man himself, but we should never have — of seeking in it the | ee x ea mane 2 it Cee Toes pa ah AT ii US ROR on Bon silh a mn ’ - ares os ae Fs Sesh Ming? “ ~— - Senne RCTS rt caer. alt * : “— mw - “eo SE ae , — . a egypt YR PR en

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PUNCH, OR THE Ni i \ y a} Mi nl. il ih \ af ml Me ys ————— 4 ——— + Lae THE ALDERMAN’S ADVICE TO HIS SON. Mr. Gobble. “You see, Sam, vou ane a werry Youne May; TOOK AWAY, rUsT), YOU WILL ovr ADWICE TO GIVE You. HAVE A GREAT DEAL oF PxRorertr. ix rour Otp Ags.” LONDON CHARIVARL AND wHen I am (WHICH, IN THE COMMON COURSE OF EWENTS, CAN'T BE WERRY LONG Now, I've onty one Piece! It’s THIS—AND BY ALL MEANS ACT UPON IT:—Lay pown Pienty or Port in your Yours, tuar you may wave a Goop Borris or Wine CHURCH BELLS AND THEIR USES. | Beavrtirvt are church bells, with their melodious in tions—their solemn farewells! And, doubtless, the bells of “ St. Mary’s, Cheltenham, are of most ious times most melodiously employed, Here is, at least, « = proof of their beautiful use :— “ Bart Frrzmarpreer arrived at his Cheltenham residence, German Cottage, on Friday afternoon. On his Lordship’s arrival being made known, the belis of 8t. Mary's rang their customary peal of welcome.” There can be no doubt that the noble Earl, so significantly welcomed, brings with his customary visit, a buge accession of all the household virtues to lnere-loathi heltenham. Yes, the bells of St. Mary’s do not cry, ° be ee oh | Karl! mighty of purse, to the shopkeepers and traders in | Mammon ; but thrice weleome, oh chrysolite peer—and for | ever welcome the virtues in your train! We , meek- ness of heart—welcome, humility—welcome, bright example | —for all these are with Kart Frrzwarpryes!* When church bells can ring such a welcome, they bless | and are blessed ! Popish Remedies for Irish Evils. Tue Irish “exodus” is still going on, and, concurrently with it, two Irish subscriptions are gomg on also. The pa, Catholic Prelates of Ireland are calling on their | | flocks to subscribe, first, to a Catholic ence Associa- tion, and next, to a Catholic University. The Association, we presume, is to defend, and the University to = the Roman Catholics whom the said “ exodus” is taki the other side of the Atlantic; as it seems likely t hes a very short time, there will be none remaining ; the depopulation of Ireland will probably be rather expedited by the two subscriptions. THE EX-UNPROTECTED FEMALE TAKES PART IN A BLOOMER LECTURE, Scenz.—The Green Room the Soho Theatre, into which the Ex- Unsprorecten Aas just been supported by Miss Ruwt. Her presence of mind has not been restored by the remarks of the crowd round the door. The Band of Martyrs in attendance, comprising the well-known Elderly Bloomer, the strong-minded American Lady, a heroic British Female, half.a-dozen Painters’ Models, hired at half- a-crown per head to exhibit themselves in the Costume, and an equal | words, certainly; but I couldn’t think of rising after Miss Pasama- of bygone fashions, who receive | number of unhappy “ illustrations” fice shillings apiece in consideration } waking themselves frights. Miss Runt (introducing the Ex-Unrrotecten ¢o the Martyrs). Mrs. | Dowsicers, Mrs. Jones—Mas. Jones, Miss Crusner—Miss Vir- oma M. PASAMAQUODDY, Mas. Jonwes—a lady whose convictions are | with us, but who has not yet adopted the costume. The Kx-Unprotected. And never, never will, ma’am. Oh!—you’ve no idea what we've gone through—with the boys, and the horrid women, and the low people ; but she wou/d ride on the box— Miss Virginia M. " Pasama quoddy (with a voice pitched so high that it scorns the ordinary way through the lips, and comes out a story higher, through the nose). Ryn Bonig, A Rouwt, ma’am, you will realise the holy satisfaction of the earl Christian Martyrs, ma’am. Don’t you fee! it a great and holy a= bn to suffer for the good cause—for the elevation of woman—moral, physical, and intellectual ? [V_B.—Miss VinGINia he PasaMaQuoppy insists on looking at everything in a moral, physical, and intellectual point of view— from human nature to a hearth-broom. Miss Runt (meekly). 1 am prepared to suffer for the principle, Miss Fegan VODDY. ‘irginia M. Pasamaquoddy. And then, ma’am, you’!l feel the ounine enthusiasm, which only comes from tion, ma’am. I never knew what it was to feel earnest for the great Abolitionist rinciple till I was nearly tarred and feathered in Lynchville, Old Gees. The Ex-Unprotected There! you said America was such an enlightened country, Miss Ruwt, and that . woman might travel from one end of it to the other—and ‘Rouge see one t be tarred and feathered ! Miss F apis Do not misunderstand me, ma’am. I am prow pple The ited States io certainly === and most enlightened nation of HP og New World. Bu’ is free with us, ma’am ; and when its might, I calculate they were all on the Anti-Abolition ticket in thanks to that remarkable woman and true Trrruzs; but the sainted Ixcrease F. Peasopy was caught in a corn- bunker, and the way they tarred and feathered him was a caution. The Elderly Bloomer (meekly). I think, ladies, it is time to begin the lecture. Miss Virersi1a M. Pasamaquoppy will address the audience first ; and if Miss Ruwr will then oblige with a few Miss Runt (with some asperity). I understood I was to say a few quoppYy-——. The Audience (outside). Now then—toon up ! —now, Bloomers !—Hoy | | —Er—-Moo—oo—-sic ! —s Bloomer (marshalling the Martyr Band). Now—if you please— | ies Miss Runt (to the Ex-Unprotected, who is chilled to the marrow of her | bones by the wild cries of the Audience). Now, Mus. Joxxs, be firm. | The Ex-Unprotected (aside to Miss Runt). "Oh! I wish to go home. | The Elderly Bloomer (under the impression that Tue Ex-UnrrotecteD is one of the strong-mindea). This way, madam. [The — jile of in procession. Tue Ex-Usrnorecren follows | Miss Royt, t the vague belief that she is going to take her out of the Theatre. (Scene changes to the stage. The drop represents an apartment ina | Gothic Palace, with a range Of bilchen chairs, rye 7 with a decanter and tumblers, and a Bust of Hen Majesty. Enter the Bloomers in single file. Audience (greeting the Elderly Bloomer). Oh, there’s an old ’un ! (ELper.y Bioomer seats herself with calm dignity. Audience (welcoming Miss Vincista M. PasaMaquoppr). Oh, ’ere’s five foot nine! Enter Miss Ruyt, followed by the Ex-Usrrorecrsp, who blunders on, dazzied by the lights, and bewildered by the sudden revelation of the — faces of the Audience in the pit. All beyond is a swim- ming chaos Audience. Hollo, old tans Pa *ve forgot your trousers. Oh, come, => out, old “un !—hoo ‘eir). Oh dear, , /nprotected ( ~ + ). it’s the ! it was the way out. Oh, didn’t mean to !—Oh, Mise Howe I thous Mr. Jones ones (rising im the pit). Martha, come down this instant ! Sit down! Turn him out! Throw him Audience (tumultuously). ). It a's ng wile, indies andi quatiomen. She ’s TE Tame poeaiaghy rT. Jomes | been inveigied here by these humbugs.

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SO rower FF NOS -- eS | b ( ised the voice of Jonus, clasping her hands). Oh—I didn’t mean to—I wanted to go home—I aan caeowl | of them. Oh! Mn. Jowzs—oh! my ee it’s all your fault. | Mas. Jowes, I wash my hands of you !

Miss Runt (loftily Ex-Uwrxorecten (0 the wing). Miss Virginia M. Pasamaquoddy. \ appeal to a British public for that protection which, as an American lady, | trust | shall not ask in vain! ————— have your wife, Sir. I did not know she intended to appear . No—I didn’t—indeed, I didn’t— Mr. Jones (with terrible wrath), Take her round to the stage door, | then—some of you—not that Miss Runt—or | shall forget myself— Here—TI’| come for her. ‘ (Exit Jowxs. Audience. That’s old feller! Give it ’er when she gets home— Shame, shame! off, off! *Ear, ’ear!—now, marm ! 'The Ex-Usrrorectren, helpless and crushed, is borne off the stage by two of the Bloomers. [Miss Vineryta M. Pasamsaquoppy comes forward and addresses the Audience, in a speech of two hours and a half, in which, to use her own words, “ she feels a great deal of liberty,” and showsit by reading seceral passages of Buackstone, on the tenderness of the law to women—giving an outline of the life of Mus. Joww ¥. Davis, wife of Joun F. Davis, whose name is revered by every lover of humanity, but unluckily not known in the Theatre— proving, what nobody is inclined to deny, that tight lacing is a bad thing, and that Elizabethan rujfr, hoops, short waists, and gi are ugly and ludicrous—demanding for women a e rights with men, in the social, physical, and intellectual tons of life—and, in short, doing everything but make out any good reason for ladies dressing themselves like ballet dancers, and ing themselves to ridicule and insult, at from three-pe to a shilling a head, on the stage of a public Theatre. Throughout the lecture, Miss Vincusta M. Pasama- quoppy shows an alarmingly keen sense A impropriety, and | every time the Audience h, begs that she may not be mis- construed. She also exhibits throughout a most comfortable conviction of her own superiority, and a magnanimous condescen- sion to the weakness of the stronger sex. The Audience listen with pati or some time, till, finding there is nothing to laugh at, t ually drop off, and Miss Vincixta M. Pasama- qu oppy closes her discourse to enpty benches

WHAT WE MAY SEER. The Lakes of Killarney. Tre Daily News tells us that the Fini or Kewmane is taking | measures, that if permitted, will make him the keever of “The Lakes of Ki , to which the public cannot approach without the permis- sion of a landlord, which of course may at any time be withheld.” It is a great comfort that a Seotch Duke cannot hide the sun in his bonnet, or an Irish Earl the firmament in his cloak. Otherwise the

— eT world would be as comfortless and as dark as—as their own selfish souls. A REFLECTION OUTSIDE MOSES’s WINDOW. Tue French proverb says: L’habit ne fait pas le moine. This may be true of the Monk, but it is perfectly clear that, in most instances, it is the Dress that makes the Monkey New Version of an Old Nursery Song. Carrer was a huntsman, Carrer was a thief, Carrer came to Harny’s house to steal a piece of beef ; Hazey went to Carren’s house, Carrer wasn’t at home; Carrer came to Haxry’s house, and stole a mution-bone.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI ELECTRIC LYING. | | “That Loup Pataxrsrow has | H A addressed a note of excuse to the Austrian Government in the mat- f ter of the Kossorn mania, in : 4 which he states that the agents } A of the Government had no sort of | : ; ‘ share in it, and promises to take | YY is + — is very like Lonp | 4 ¥ dor in his modest request that the i dori, hin madent re Of the ‘Heapetikagiah sohict 'Macramuawo. ‘Dhe Vienna papers, a not given all lassuranees of Iyomp Patwensvon. Punch 4 course, enabled jrepruit them, im the order in which they shot ‘through the electric | wires, warming~and delighting the heart of Paros Scuwanrzen suns. Here they are -— “TLomp Pxcarensrow’s humble respects to Parxce Scmwanrzen- BUKG, and intends forthwith to put down Kossutu.”— meetings.”— “The Tvord Mayor and Aldermen have been sent to the Tower.” — Guards ; and twenty regiments drawimg round London.”— dispersed with severity.”"— “The offices of Daily News and Lraminer ave closed, and editors | in Newgate.” — “ Baton-place is invested, and Massiveperp in the hands of the police.”— | “ Kossur has, for a while, eseaped, at a garret window, and igno- miniously fled over the tiles of adjacent houses. Justice is hot upon | his heels.”— “Kossuts no longer cumbers English ground. He was stealthily conveyed in a rum-cask on board the Washington, American steamer, in Southampton Water, and is bound for New York.—Gop save THE Emperor ! ”—

SHAKSPEARIAN FRAGMENT. (As sung by Faruxn N—w—n.) Hark, hark! the Clerk the service sings, The candlesticks arise ; . We’|l soon have water from the springs, In salted fonts that lies, And winking Mary’s heads begin To ope their canvass eyes, With everything that Roman bin, My Joun BULL, arise— , Arise, arise ! Unpublished Anecdote of Mrs. Bloomer. Mas. Bioomer declares that she will never be able to summon courage to visit England ; for it would be most painful to her feelings to cross the Atlantic, and see so many vessels—even though they should not be of the weaker sort—going about in stays / REGENERATION OF THE BRITISH DRAMA. THERE are at this moment three English Managers in Paris “in search of novelty!” More: three distinguished members of the Dramatic Authors’ Society started for France last night, Open Locks when Hobbs Enocks. Ix consequence of the suecess of Ma. Hows as apieker of “ Locks,” he has, we believe, been consulted on the subject of one or two mys- terious “bolts” that have lately been made by persons rather over- burdened with pecuniary liabilities.

“ Lomp Ps:commps. ‘to P. §., and will immediately forbidall Kossuru “The faithful troops of Hex Masesry are under arms at Horse “ Copenhagen-House shall be razed to the ground, and the wretched

fe Pare Naa ae veer Te ET TS ea po aT I EY ‘caste isi o< Se at aur gala a ae

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL yy a | i, NORTH-EAST WIND.—THERMOMETER SEVERAL INCHES BELOW FREEZING. Brighton Boatman, “Dip rou want a Pieasure-Boat tTHIs Moryine, Sin ? Nice pay ror a Row!!” THE “SPECTATOR” ON KOSSUTH. Is Kossurn a great man ? 4 We are not prepared to say that KossurTH is a great man. If, on the contrary, he is a great man ? ; . Why, after all, and looking at the matter from all points of view, we must nevertheless put this question to the dispassionate sense of the reader—that is, the reader untouched by the exaltation of the hour | and the circumstance—what is the use of a great man? And this question, in its deep consideration, suggests another— Since the world began (if it ever did begin), has there ever been a great man ? ; d For ourselves, we candidly admit that, for an unlimited time at least, | we withhold our opinion. A Doctrine there's no Dissenting from. A NEWSPAPER paragraph states, that, in the Church rate Committee of last Session, “A number of witnesses were examined, of various opinions, on the subject of Chureh-rates.” What! Can there be more than’one opinion on the subject of Churel-rates? Namely, that every farthing of the Church-rates ought to be paid—by those who belong to the Church. ’ ADVICE TO THE BLOOMERS. Wuew the Spartan youth complained to his mother that “ his sword was too short ;” the heroic matron answered, “ Add a step.” When ladies, who would be Bloomers, declare that petticoats are worn too long, laconic Pusch says—“ Add a tuck.” | they have never been so condesce: : | admiration of the world through the medium of the rh pa We an | THE JUDGES AT A STAND-STILL. Un ess something is speedily done to fill the gap left |the absence of business from the Superior Courts, by shall have fifteen learned Judges dying of exaui on the | | floor of Westminster Hall. The other we rushed into | | the Common Pleas, and found their Lordships with literally | nothing before them but their hands; and on turning into | the Exchequer, in the hope of more activity, we discovered, | in addition to the Barons on the Bench, a barren void. The | | Justices of the Common Pleas have grown quite impatient | | of a life of indolence; and, the other were cooptteling |m ers right and left to hunt up business rom the | | other Courts. There was, in fact, a regular batiue of the | | legal preserves; but, though one or two very old birds of | juniors were turned out, they had no motion in them, and | could offer no sport. | After some difficulty, a Q. C., was bagged ; but he was not instructed, and would not favour the great guns on the |bench with an es nee ee | flight. To. see four or five venerable legal luminaries all of a row—the Chief occupied jin nothing, and the Puisnés helping their Chief—is a melancholy spectacle of Judicial much-ado-about-nothing- ness. If a solitary “compute” happens to drop in, the judicial mind, famishing for want of fodder, flies to it with all the alacrity of a starving crew at the last biscuit. There is scarcely a bone of contention left from which the Judges in Westminster Hall are enabled to pick a bit; and so | great is the dearth, that of even the and most insignificant bone they insist on getting at the marrow. The bringing to bear of so much judicial power pop amount of work, reminds one of a team of noble dray-horses harnessed to a child’s toy wagon. We have sometimes | wondered at the policy of keeping up a war establishment |of Judges in time of peace; for never was ghting or | litigation in Westminster Hall; but we have come to the | conclusion that five Judges are still necessary in each Court, |to keep each other company. As there is no public, no | acting bar, and no business, the only mode of keeping the |look of life about the Court is by a strong corps of | Judges. It is true that the crew the passengers have | all left the ship; but the officers still cling to it, which is jall right enough. Though we hardly see the necessity for | filling up—particularly at a cost of five thousand a-year |—every vacancy that arises in the command of an o | lete hull, which has got stuck in the mud, and is superseded | by lighter, cheaper, and faster-going vessels. A Postaumovus Worx.—Some one (whom we will not dis- grace by printing his name) says, that “ The Lobster is a post- humous work of creation ; for it is only red after its death.” ALL ROUND THE LORD MAYOR’S HAT. THe newspapers have favoured us lately with a rather elaborate description of the Lonp Mayonr’s hats, inel his cwn three-cornered affair, and the richly cocked castors of his flunkeys. From the latter depend massive tassels of lace, and the postilion’s os surmounted with a huge stag, under which the poor fellow would be not unlikely to stagger. We have no doubt that the splendid official hats will be generally recognised as the most interesting part of the official heads of the City. All round his Lordship’s hat he wears a white feather, and from the top of it rises a plume which quite puts our humble goose- quill out of countenance. The civic dignitaries usvally favour the public with descriptions of their livery coats, waistcoats, and breeches, but ing as to hold up their hats to the must confess that we never yet heard of such a = hatty Mayor, though we have frequently heard of a Hatti-Scheriff. HE PARLIAMENTARY SAFE—JOHN RUSSELL begs to call the attention of an enlightened and particularly discerning public to his new Parlis- mentary Safe, about to be patented. It is a frequent complaint, that certain Borough Constituencies (like veal in July) will not keep sweet. J. R. might instance St. Albans, Aylesbury, and other places, too corrupt to mention. J. R., however, trusts that by his new invention, Constitu- encies to any extent may be kept in the highest state of purity for seven years. It is of very simple construction, and adapted to the st capacity. In fact, J. R.’s Safe is merely an improved form of the Ballot Box that has been so —— and with such complete satisfaction to the parties concerned, at the Club- of the Nobility aad Gentry. « J. R.—in returning thanks for past favours—confidently looks for patronage from the country at large (even including St. Albans.) SB S483 S588EE Ff 7 —-= | gee rae Printe! by Willam Bradbury, of N U Wobdure Place in the Parish of St. and Prederick Mullett Evans, of No.7, Churen Row, Stoke Newington, both in the County of Middlesex, Printers, at Othe te Lombard Streak, in the Procter af Whinetriane, tu the Clep of London, ond pablianed Uy thom at No.8, Plowt Strect, im the Parish oi St. Bride, in the Gity of Lenten 8 Heth, 1864.

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Sam earmouscaan eOeanra’ » GaAs S'4 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL FAGOTS FOR FREEMASONS. NE Mowstewor Pavi Cotuey, head meee of the Irish Roman Catholics, has _ lc - one of those les called Pastorals, which merally very little resemble anything of, or be- longing ie. a shepherd, ex- cept the barking of the oomree , if even that ; or perhaps tone may all. be compared to the yelping and snarling of a less | brother generous varies? of the ca- nine species. Howhbeit, after a bow-wow at secret societies read fi in general—for which Ireland is rather famous, in spite of her Romish hierarchy— Mowsicwor CuLLen modn- lates into a yap yap against a fraternity which not many people but CuLtexs would class with Ribbonites and Whiteboys. He says: “ And alse all Catholics who join in the society of Freemasons, as has been repeatedly decreed by the Roman Pontiffs, are subjected to the penalty of excommunication, cut off as rotten branches from the Charch of Goo, and if they die in that state, doomed to eternal per- dition.” Pray, Mowsicnon Pavi Cotzen, does your Church condemn Freemasonry without knowing an thing "shout it? If not, how did said Church procure its eemaiies? tes Masonic oomte = secrets in the Confessional? And what have you to say against Freemasonry, after all ? The Church of Rome can only excommunicate the ‘Freemasons. It dismisses them with a hearty curse, and, speaking in the person of CuLuen, sighs that it can do no more. Mowsienor continues— “ It is a sad calamity that a system so pernicious in its effects, and so hostile to Christian charity, should be tolerated or encouraged in any district.’ See — you may expect, Freemasons, with Popery dominant, and Mowsiewor Curten for Grand LIBERTY OF CONSCIENCE FOR LOAN-MONGERS, CIVIC MODESTY. Srizxce, if you please, for the great Oracle of the City | It is Sm Perer Laurie who is speaking :— S| ministration of Jumiae bythe A aes | City of London was not surpassed muta Now, when we consider that Sim Peter is himself one of the Ce strators of justice in the Cit don, and that a thee bg ty is speaking of ha.-1 well as of his we must say that very oh oe es us as one of the most modest things we have for a long time, If we mistake not, the = act of Sim Peren thing. ‘ rh he & carried out this determination so — Se he is known as the Greatest Putter Son of the present day, He has worked so strenuously, 1s thine Leg o- not re- main a single ‘or him to put down but one—and we wish he wood end his magisterial career by putting that down as speedily as possible. It would be a fit termination to a public life that has been maintained with such admirable consistency throughout, As Sie Peter began, so let him finish. He began some twenty wae ago by utting down others, and we do hope e will leave off now by putting down Louis Napoleon and his Marshals. Tue splendour of the reign of Na- poLzow Buowarants was greatly enhanced by the ements of Ney, Murat, Sourt, and other dis- tinguished Marshals. The - (To Mr. Punch.) ; = —I am a gentleman—at least so I consid self—of the Capitalist ot the Church of Bex ‘chiming that toleration wh utus; and I address you, claiming that toleration whic is accorded to men of “ At the Romete! Meeting i in honour of Kossutu, the other day, Mx. ~~ thought proper to make some remarks in of conduct grossly illiberal to individuals of my communion. He is reported to have he these words—His Maszsty or Avustaia being the Emperor alluded to :— , with all his power, could not raise as much money in the London market as the humblest merchant in Cheers.) And here he must say, one of the most mag and ¢ acts of Ma. Coppun's life was meeting to denounce the system of foreign loans to carry on war. (Cheers.) In that one act he had done more Aen AT Wes tae te ener on om, fo Sebel ( Cheers.)" uasion; a member in this free country achieved an eminent reputation for his eo expeditions through and so highly is he esteemed, a he system of forcign loans to carry on war, is denouncing my creed. I hold thet i si orr"3 right to my money, no matter for what purpose, to anybody whomsoever. For the matter of , indeed, I have a right to sell myself; and | and my co-capitalists do virtually sell our- | selves to the Ay wy eee and, if we did so by actual compact, we are not to be burnt or hanged now-a-days for the transaction. It is not fair to endeavour to coerce us into compassion for oppressed nations, a for human freedom and happiness, and hatred of tyranny :—our religious | sentiments are “ For our protection the assaults of persecution wearing the mask of Liberalism and Free women fe to a Defence Association, or Universal Loan Society, which, in principles of our faith, will not only afford pecuniary assistance to despots struggling with Freedom: bat = to the class of profitable customers injuriously styled thieves, rogues, pen in behalf of our interest, and against Mrssus. Coppew or oat to worship according to our conscience, as regulated “T remain, &c., “Aanon Gotpstzzn.” ty Marshal—this es UIs — reign—is, we scarcely 5 pom Maatiat Law. aa -——™ Voters and Bloaters. War are St. Albans Voters ‘ Like unto Yarmouth Bloaters ? cause both are for sale: and the =~ Will pronounce that the Bloaters, As much as the Voters, Are worthy of representation. ——————————_— omen wage: te @OeoerO yy ae Oo eae ® he Fo sacl we eatiiicla: allele — eetasesiahtien teehee “ TES Te + rs. Sa ae; + meme coxe a Sequel of the “‘ Kossuth Fever.” ind” ee Voom of the Times says, that the “ KossuTH fever in England ” “ com- ” at Vienna. It is to be hoped that Francis-Josera is spared with oul: i brimstone and treacle; for the “ Kossutu Fever” is one of an exanthematous ad canny 1 Ue Elewes by ah breaking out in Hungary. VOL. XiI. ‘ HOPES AT LAST FOR THE BRITION DRAMA, Ma. Hacxert has returned from New York!

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PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVART

| I will add, Se candid—with myself,

THE WONDERS OF HUNGERFORD HALL. for sending me a letter, toa eames the —_— “ Your cumeneniant hes begins by eomplaining that I violate, wit respect to Mesmerists, the law maxim, that man is * be accounted a So complain hists, so com- nack-pbrenologists, so complain as 80 0 complain Papist fanatics : so complain mmcbange & all classes, against ey world at large. The marvellousness assertions induces close scrutiny of their facts: and this they take as a yaaa affront. You, Mr. Punch, like all other rs, when you have made | pots: some extraordinary discovery, test it in all manner of ways, before you confirm yourself in its belief ; not, Sir, with your mens conscia recti, that you suspect yourself to ‘be a rogue, but you are aware that you are fallible. Mesmerists expect to be trusted more implicitly than you would trust yourself, In the meanwhile, men of common sense = this canon :—Intolerance of scepticism, in matters of science, is presumptive evidence either of imposture or enthusiasm : your correspondent is a smoker, | commend this screw of philosophy to his pipe. “ Your worthy, but ——- dent writes as if I had denied the verity of the exhibited b i io PRUDENCE, or pootness between and a. Lassalona. Not I, Mr. Punch. } srmply argued that they were leube proven.’ I will believe in transmission of thought, or enytting the public market ; Two Shillings and Sixpence, wherein Mesmerism just now is Bases AND INCLUDED. somewhat quoted. St, Pailigle Vestry, Now. 9rd, 1801.

6 destined in his oun pat peculiar science. Unless, Mr. Puach— sie Dm. Faxapay should set you down for a credulous ass. “ Your correspondent insinuates that, because I do not understand I believe in | because I can verify its action at any time for the Magnetism, to

To this notification no printer’s name is affixed. Mr. Punch can therefore hardly imagine it to be a bond fide document. He rather sus- pects it must be the composition of some wag of a clerk, reverend or parochial, who intends to satirise a system of underselling ursued at the opposition church. But Punch sees nothing disgraceful in a cag marriages at two-and- six. The goods needs must be riage can’t be supplied cheap and nasty. It is grati tifying te to m. — — bringing wedlock down—making even matrimony reaso t us hope that — will soon be reduced to a figure aecommo- dated to the wants of million; and that Bethnal Green will offer —_ — to the public which have hitherto been afforded only by retna ditto

SONNET ON THE SUBMARINE TELEGRAPH. At last between the French and English coast Extends the Telegraph’s eleetrie wire ; Beneath the salt sea waves conveying ‘fire, Which may be truly called the li post ; Fire, which—it seems incredible alfhost— Lanched in & moment from the Gallic shore, At Dover bade a mighty cannon roar.. What greater marvel could a wizard boast ? No worse explosion, no more fearful shock, May that conductor in our island mr ' Transmitting news, which, could the fi =e a Around it, read, ’twould make them ope their Wider than life, and gape with all ther — O’ercome with consternation and surprise.

PUNCH’S CRIMINAL COURT. ~ Ma. Puwcu sat for the Putas cf trying offenders, some of -

when brought to the bar o -——— “poner — ave Sea Ge he ee per yout bead it w monte y ing ba “4 2 ae | National Anthem ? oe —~y nruaees re bay liyma (bim).”— Verdict, Guilty. ntence J aa A shabby-genteel ing person was next charged with uttering the | following counterfeit joke :-— “ What tree is it which is not affected by the season, and brings forth neither blossom nor fruit ?—The Boot-Tree. After the jury had been absent for several declaring that there was no chance verdict. The Judge told them that, under these exrcumstanees, ey | had better go home.

= A youthful individual, with a vacant stare, was next put to the bar | under the following melancholy circumstances. Having passed the evening in company with a friend, he was about to bid the other good | night, when, turnmg suddenly soem be he tiene | im a very unusual | tone of voice, “When is Fleet Street like the country The dary a | be too! immediately returned a verdict of acquittal, on the ground of insanity. ‘|

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. OUR POST Bag. Puwcw has been favoured with a “The Ent or Betpenrow presents his compliments to Pune to direct bis attention to the enclosed a 7 The “paragraph,” thus laconi i out to i sanguine 02 ua of to Sonakly Wt of Goes ek One qe bateh of sympathisers away —across eountry. ‘a. 2 is a dashing, flippant little note; as follows -— Dean Puwca,—lIf you would d confounded thi Justice and Freedom, and that Kea of thing, you coal bee : deal more amusing. How can [ attend to Kosswoor (sic) | when Cuancer wants me over at Paris to see his Bustard eat | tem Guinea Pigs; and | ’ve got to raise money before I start ? “Bearptey pe Cass.” so to > es yan ay vm = po writer, it, r less is | quad ive, Sieduel. Wie eral bees, quoréerty, | , a chevron between three trivets, sa,; second and | ée. A most respectable bearing! sebollars, panting to rise ; _ oe on yen ' ~~ «ts —_ he's @ very ellow, plucky, an quent—as anybody ean see I gaze round the world im its utmost mt in atwinkling. And really these Austrians are a set of” (here a word aRD Janw and his minions in Council I ask, | is rigidly erased)—“I mean not the men I like—not such men as my Was there ever a Government-pleece (with pinsion) ancestor in 1688, who came up to town to back old Somers and Suspen- But children of Erin were fit for that task ? _" os 80 - Then, ae what a figure any of us would make hold- ‘ A ces ing forth in Hungarian! But then there’s a grandmother of mine, Whet, Tein tele, & Sy pasnghascr se rh ond bassen and there’s my aunt—and—and is not KossutH somehow mixed up To think that our ptt ae hes ne'er a logician ' with the Socialists, and the first French Revolution, and so on? In the hour of her deenger will surrev her turrun ! 7 Yours very truly, oe logic onan pn tg ay-aa “P.S.—Does Browrerne ©’ Baten belong to the Tuomonn family ?” | I’ stamp under feet the base book of his sei No. 4 appears to be written by # quiet —— gentleman, who | And spit on his chair as he taught in the ! informs us that he is of the Rewpuzs of Rendle, and is claiming the | of Tubton. He passes bis life among the Record offices O, False Sx Jons Kawe! ip it and Collections of wills in the empire. We are sorry that we cannot I think all your Queen’s Universitees answer his final question with regard to the marriage of Maritpa pe And if you ’ve no neetive Professor Br.zoxs with one of the Mowzmomancrs in 1381. | | scawurn to be learned by the Saxon We over such jes as gout, weather, and the : state of agri airs.” One gentleman is preserving hts game ; another, is achurch fora Puseyite; a third, is looking ~ ero election , a fourth, eceaeetering jection; = — - ne family mansion ; a sixth, H is son’s ege debts. We oioes of taking a charitable - 2 of these various excuses. And, after ail, it has beem a very good shooting season ! ‘ ST. ALBAN AND HIS FLOCK. St. Acnay’s Agricultural Show has been largely attended. Among the company several persons of political notoriety were daily ay orto amous . The was elie exhibited after pasture z: quoted at from £5 to £10 a-head, but it is worth little or nothing when Session ; for they are known to in fact, little better is . " . | our sticks, Lay we will « y seeps . disse. | is is not fair to Downing ; ever sent to Sinitictety be cxsved | Cape of Good Hope, or to but Sticks 7 i won't accept the | ee? all fcoumpetent to| Monat Maxm vor Exromawrs.—A Sovereign in the hand is worth |a lump of gold in the Bush.

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BCAUSE HE 1s AFRAID OF GOING OVER His » Wisu! BASE HIM—anp Down HI B NEB OOUL S80 MUC *HAT HE 18 OBLIGED TO Leap unis House ve Hit ro © THAT HE DOESN'T GET QUITE Heap—so Tua —__——— ee 255 u Hoxse Exercise as - HORROR OF THAT RESPECTABLE SAINT, ST. ALBANS, At Hearing the Confession of a St. Albans’ Elector. | . —

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} | » adeiie WL ~ ‘Bee @ DS S BSRSPSSIPSSAGSS Ma: Pam Pra bos |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. POLITICAL REFLECTIONS. (By a Fast Man.) HE Ewrsnor oF Avs- TRI amuses himself ill! The Pore is ealled | people. But absurd their “ Governor. NaPoLzon’sposition ; positi bar sbhie value about him— © ways reminds me of = the old man in) isor’s fable. When | Petwe Lives of the English Saintes. BY A. NEWMAN. | CRAP. &.—Being y¢ Lite af yt blessed Sainte Albans, with pt Miracles that he wroughte, and p¢ cruel Martyrdome of the same. y* lives of some bm y* most ee meseemeth it e, use such Englyshe as learned and reve- , in times past, albeit I write whenne y* and writinge is so changed for new- may scarce reade y* true have hadde y* same im- Wr21m Caxton, Tec aie he g ij &3 | a if i , 7 e other little chil- ief they were; one ie,” and another the Father of his| Withoute handes, and were putte in y* office of under | thatte no one saw any that broughte them; existing cireum-| manere, also without handés, and came into y* pockettes of stances it would be and none knew whence they came, nor whither they to call him | all in goode werkes. No wonder Lous Jato 1) | Sainte, being resolved to turn their heartes, London, with its | owne snl puosion Gaeta ime pi tell | 22 | St. Albans caused af Re rough the sire wethout bared. y* monie migh where they of y* same. Then y* Sainte, for y* monie to come; and beholde, packettes soverei said departéd in i A: Lf and wente ; St. Albans marbellouslie took awaig ye fiemorie of Hundrie. Sundrie menne having promised their voices to @ certaine feilowe : | that was a candidate to serve in Parliament, y* Saimte, that woulde not to get everything of | that fellowe should be i od We for y* saide menne, and, whenne from his “Uncle’s!” | they, came, they sade,“ We vote for such a fellows.” Thenne the tooke hands into his imparted to them, for thatte they had pocket fue ee vere chadiont to 7 ain y* Sain to him y* Sainte wolde that they oftentimes. Sainte couse? ane weme® Uleggetie utierlic to ulsaspear Grom Setere Bt. Bergben- ” Saryte Srermey once on a time wished to have speeche of one Wacerrte, that was a frend to Sarwre Atpaws, and Wacoetrs wolde not. Then the Sainte didde mi cause y* saide Wac- GETTE suddenlie to disappeare, so that when t of Sr. Stermens householde soughte him, ke mote not be anywhere founde; so that those of St. SrzpHeNs householde marv thereat. But when Sr. AvBays wolde, then caused he the saide Wacortre to appeare as suddenlie as he had made him to vanishe awaie. And this miracle he wroughte also with manie that he wolde not shoulde be founde of his enemies. | : 2® ¢ oe was foullic Hw x Sxinte oftentimes caused the Streetes to lower w Sean an® miraculously opened pt Boores of ye liche Y° Sainte, of his tender hearte, wolde pox y* poorer he sawe them thirstie, and no coine to buy drinke withal. he wroughte upon y* publicanes by his miraculous drewe their spiggottes, and turned their tappes, runne for all that had neede, and manie were nothinge. And also at the worde of the Sainte, y* doores houses } =e = Oo ne, Nn -_ entered eate and dranke of the beste, none, noughte therebie; for y* Sainte, by cag men power, to come into their pouches, whiche whenne eee fi whanne they wente to bedde, they marvelled , and knewe whence it came. of manie such goode workes the Sainte boasted nothinge. betrapes EVwardes, and ppocke that pretended to be bis poem es. Now y* Sainte having passed a long life in goode workes such as I have tolde, it befelle that Sr. Srerwzy’s householde, who had long borne him an ill wille for his goode workes of charitie, caste aboute to destroye him; and, finding two lewde knaves y* Sainte had oft-times used for his almoneres, (ycleped Epwanpes and Cor- pockE, of whom I "7 already,) they suborned them, and on their witnesse, condemned Sr. Atzays to die, and he was y* firste martyre of those that were slaime by the heretics, cal Reformeres, from whom, whether in Churche or State, may the Saintes deliver us. I am| Ff ye last and chiefe Miracle that Sainte Albans wroughte. manie of them the false gods Being broughte to die, they chose one Russzit to be his execu- tionere, that had not before then been an enemie of the Sainte. And the saide Russette and Corrocke standing bye, were so moved by y* bleseed dethe of that martyre, that they were suddenlie converted therebye to y* faithe in ye Ballotte, and straightwaye confessed the same. And methinks of alle the greate mizacies wroughte by this Sainte, this is the greateste. cathe) paige is Se ere eT tS es oreo

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~—% — PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | A VOTE-IVE OFFERING. | Mn Epwanps, of St. Albans notoriety, is said to sport “a massive | silver snuff-box, the result of Tay subscription among one thousand | of the electors, and presen to bin op 0 mak of colon, well ao in totes of fae gavegsebetion of the persecution to which he has been subjected.” W like to know the sort of snuff the | electors were up to, when they presented Mx. Epwaxps with this box, and whether it was filled with “ blackguard,”’ by way of reminding him | of themselves. Undoubtedly, a very capacious snuff-box must be | required by a man who has constantly so much corruption under his very nose. Great “Tom or Lincoty,’, anv tHe Litriz Bevz or St. ALpans. HOW ENGLISH IS SPOKEN IN FRANCE; @ French Brama, in Two Acts. Act tHe Frast. Scunz.—A Milliner’s Shop. In one of the windows is written, in large letters, “ Exouisu Sroxen Here.” Enter an ExGuisumay. utelane. Can you tell me, if you please, Madame, the price of that nne Brolich my tw ih Messin ¢ Zs on), The un ishman (poi 0) object in question), rice of t bonnet, Madame ? - F French Milliner (shrugging her shoulders), Bien fachée, Monsieur—je | ne vous comprends pas. a 5m inting to the inscription in the window). Don’t you 8 English here ? French Milliner, Ah, ci, Monsieur. Donnez-vous la peine de vous asseoir, Monsieur, et d’attendre un petit instant. it, running. A lapse of ten minutes between the First and Second Acts. Act tue Seconp. French Milliner (out of breath). Bien désolée, Monsieur, de vous faire attendre, mais le fait est que le jeune Boulanger & No. 73, qui parle Anglais généralement pour pane, vient de sortir pour la journée. Si | Monsieur voudrait avoir la bonté de repasser par ici demain, sans doute que le jeune homme serait chez lui. ~~ Ray me vy muttering to himself—“ What a stupid lingo Unwarrantable Assumption. Tue following insidious announcement appeared the other day in a newspaper :-— ENTRILOQUISM.—Unrivalled N. will of his popular V enti hanna ate - We are afraid this Mn. Newman wants to “come the old soldier over the public, by giving his has no right to ELECTRICAL CLOCKS, Iw Berlin they have Electrical Clocks—and in Stockholm, all the public | clocks are put in motion by electricity. Why could not the same plan | be adopted in London? By this means various contradictions | that exist amongst our public clocks might be remedied, and there | would not be the difference of five hours, as there frequently is, between two clocks, in two neigh ing streets. We would not simply bave our Bay my clocks regulated in this manner, but also our private clocks. Wedo not see why the clocks on every floor, in every man’s house, could not be brought under the controul of electricity. Surely, it must be just as easy to lay on electricity as water or gas, and there is one comfort, that it would not cost one hundredth as much. Our plan is this. Let there be one grand central Electrical Clock in the Metropolis. Say the Horse-Guards, if you like—though that public clock , in a great measure, lost its mili reputation for punctuality, ever since it fancied, because it to the Guards, that it could go on as it pleased, and keep whatever hours it liked. However, say, for old association’s sake, the Horse-Guards Clock. This would be the Grand Electrical Depét, and would te all the Electrical Clocks in the Metropolis—nay, = all the Kingdom, if it were necessary. The electric fluid w be turned on every morning with no more difficulty than the equivocal fluid which is given us as pure water by our water companies. The clocks would never want winding up, and there would be one uniform time all over London. Differences as to Greenwich time, and Railway time, and London time, would all cease, and our church clocks id no longer be able to play off those absurd vagaries which, for a long time, put at sixes and sevens all those watches that put faith in their professions ; for every servant should have an electrical clock in her , and would no longer be able to make the usual mistake of an hour in getting up of a morning; and cooks, when they were late with the dinner, would no ro be able to place the fault on the kitchen-clock. Greater method by these means would be preserved in every household, whilst out of docrs the advantages weal be equally numerous. So many persons would not be late for the train, from finding that there was a difference of twenty minutes between railway time and the time- piece they had left at home on their mantel-piece. A greater degree of >» Hy would be observed in our daily ts, and a man who broke an appointment thro unpunctuality, or kept a dinner- nod waiting, or wasn’t in time for a picnic, or a wedding, would be ooked ry as an unsocial monster, who ought to have lived in the days of the slow coaches, and not in a period like the present, when, —— & electricity, everything goes, or promises to go, exactly “like clock work.” THE TYRANNY OF CUSTOMS. (To Louis Kossvutu.) test. The Company stoutly maintains and is Wie tees had _ -_ to cause. y, t uu id it compromise sccmmel eran’ teh sede ict, i let in Pp him ra ademnily bint —— KossvutH formation, from . to h inf Tae Last Cawpipate ror CaNxonizaTion.— ) = ge dark, cross the sea on their Albans, by the style and title of St. Epwargps truz Co

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= STSSMSSTST PASSER SPEER ET pEE ee ee ES etree L | PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 229 THE LAW OF DOMESTIC STORMS. Y a long series of observations it has been found that Domestic Storms, like other storms, are rotatory; or, in other words, move in a circle, and come intervals. The | Wi Kf y Uf 4, Y, as we have already | S seen, rages fre- =" quently very high | is at about Christmas trade winds are prevalent. There is reason to believe that these trade winds, which come in counter diree- tions, are preceded by much heavy swelling, and b the extreme lati- tude into which the master has = - been driven by the a: - } : eccentric action of = his craft. This was the case in the instance of the Eliza, which, after being first set in motion by gentle to the wind, and the mate lost all diary—is full of ln ) Chim, \ | | ai ve her head completely — over her. An extraet from his | instruction for those to whom the Law of J Deeelie Storms is a matter | of interest. Monday. — bes j om with a enly aspect. Tuesday.— Her head beginning to All sarts of airs. Nothing in view. Wednesday. more clear. Dificulty im keeping her from running on to bake Stormy at night. Squalls, and appearance alto- gether threateni Thursday.—In fined to be more calm. Changed ber tack. Received a slight check. Towards —— stormy again. Spoke Policeman, A 1, but could render no assistance. ie wn pe — day. Split her stays. Squally at night. Carried away the sheet, and went over on her larboard side. Saturday.—Violent gusts. — head carried away, everything dashed to pieces, and every attempt to “ wear” the craft quite unsuc- cessful. Tried to aoe but ut she became so unmanageable, that cutting away from her was the tting clean off, and left her to her fate, when she was seen at a Sceanee to be tusught to of hepesmecmnt antes aati. Domestic Storms do not always proceed from the highest points, but frequently arise from the — 4 some curious phenomena have been remarked -ground, where a ons | blowing-up begins, such as may be sometimes noticed in d other great authorities. These storms are often preceded by the sudden carrying away of stores, and by the accumulation of a sort.of dripping in the hold, which when called to the attention of the master, causes him to prepare for a hurricane. Some remarkable faets are mentioned vary travellers as accompanying storms, such as showers of fish alin 0 an on land — been cast up by the violence of the sea; but im Storms nothing is more common than a fete cups —— saucers, wine glasses, books, and candlesticks. In a very violent Domestic Storm that happened in the neighbourhood of one of the squares, the convulsions of nature, and of ill-natare, were so fearful, that during the raging of the storm, which = — pelting and pitiless shape, four looking were sinashed to The agents by which storms are sometimes ueed in the domestic circles are sparks, which strike, with influence, the heads of ay of the lighter craft, and "render them very difficult to manage. e law of magnetic attraction will affect the heads of craft of this jE tion, bringing them round and round, and exposing them to that sort of whirl which is so notoriously dangerous. round at regular | Domestic Storm, | astonishing. After pills had had ther time, when the these cases is a good conductor, or by meeti opposing battery. Sometimes a AL ins ry will agitate + oy at » ; but in ee cases it is better to let the swell pass by, merely keeping the head of the craft in the right direction. MEDICINE FOR THE MILLION. Tuan jo = halite fo quateny, oie over ates Ses and medicines go out and come in just like hoops, nnene Heese, Or oy other article that caprice may one hg de mm next day repudiate. Formerly pills carried everything before them, and people swallowed their hun of No. 2, with a "9 to No. 1 that was really day, there was a slight move- until the he poblis suddenly turned to oint- The last new mania ment in favour of ‘ ment, and stuck to it x per gy for Sarsaparilla, which is said every kind of humour ;” and os Lauer beteean to te apa we take some interes wo mash ab Ge hee cen con GE en he ist destroying it. We should be glad if the Editor of Notes and Queries would answer a little problem we will ay ap to to him. We would ask “7 how it is hee sapied et poy several h of quae pean, 28 to save ay so many millon of lives, that a oun them, it ooull seem that the lives ren of th the Eacose puaes saved every year; and yet the of deaths will go on emmy fe same rate as us The stvertiing catia statistics oie also show S.outty of children cured of juvenile maladies by one sort of we tee will exceed the whole number brought imto the eal specified. We can only solve the difficulty same child is cured over and over agaif, ip ab ae ism at KOSSUTH FOR THE MILLION. To the Genteel. Swetts, the higher walks that tread, Sneer away—’tis under To applaud the Man who led The Mob of Hungary ! Now’s , and now ’s our hour! Tiseat'2ing douiie mo \owr; oamee—in sas ane tid) the People be. Who will call Kossura a knave ? Who traduce the and brave ? Who will be that Russian slave, But Gentility ? Who for Hayrwav’s martial law, Fiction’s bow will boldly —- % Cat with woman-seratehing cla Here may ive to see. Smile at Exile’s woes and pains Seoff at vanquish’d fonouPs ne Keep your cool and quiet veins From excitement free. mene iil : 45) ecalan Only hearts of orders low F’er with sympathy can slow, lasses, no No, Superior C Fiddle olde-dee! ! An Extreme Publican. Tue following extract from the examination of Mz. Brawxs, land- lord of the White Hart Inn, at the St. Commission, is worth preserving :— “ Ma. Forsven.— What are your ?” “ Witness —To spend money in all legitimate " age p ene “Me. Foursrta.—You mean spending mosey —— —_— (Laughter .) “ Witness. Well, I don't know. We all look to our trade, of Ma. Braxxs means to say that, in his tical views, he sip | regards the good of the public. - A SIMPLE QUESTION. has been going the round of the “What ies | Tue question best remedy in; Pound?” Every donkey on a common, we should eould tell that. _

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_ PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL CHURCH AND STATE. LAW INTELLIGENCE, WESTMINSTER HALL. (ren cur con Biperter) New Tarrats.—There nothing immediately before the Court, the Chief Justice said ag Fe es were ready to proceed with the New Trials; and a new trial y made of the warming apparatus, that had been es te hr lee exo at tho Onast, end bad aad satisfactory. It having been intimated that their Lordsh gn eng he = d+ - with whatever was in the paper,—the gad them. In the course of the day, a rule was euaies i oe had left it behind when measuring one of the on the day preceding. Chief Justice. You may take your rule. The rest of their Lordships concurred. Rule Granted. Srrtmves rv Exror.—Their Lordships having been Lah tee to under- stand that Counsel would be ready to move ses, Be lee remained in Court all day; but no learned gentleman mr the learned Chief intimated that it must be considered as the first their Sittings in Error. After some delay, the following conversation ensued between the Bench and an emiment Queen’s Counsel The Bench (to the Q. C). “T fancied you intimated, just now, that you were about to move. ony ey Aw advertisement, “To Vecrtanians.—No Anaad have Vegetarians not only of leather ; ~- >? ribbons. Th clothing PR, the "est extremities. reins, the en Sit. cae eee be said to be carrying Vegetarianism COMING TO THB rOwnT. Tue practice of “ for Sheriffs” to the edintienls cheats the sbrieval office, that there is only a pin to choose between them. ee Ow a red sword her ili-knit bulk up-propping, The Anarch pe. 8. cross was a Beneath her feet was Law. Fachwith his heel a nation’s forehead, Her arméd on tend pound; guards Nations—that, stri ’d of all wherein they gloried, Were Sine Senend ond Gonealt There, Fe ger still lovely hzeagh bev anguish, Her obs were nan wii this who languish For years in dungeons Cums OO ber Mins feos, mate fis Tesiag, sour, Lay, —= aon er are ib moving their power. Passionate Poland her chained hands was clenching, While her full Eastern eye , perennial and Glared upwards to the sky. int Hoe wequtaiiie faint and breathless, nny ooaded to the death; tbat deathless defiant stare. At first, the A om - Anarch Force was sitting, living stone, And all those mail-clad hone lad gar spate king But, lo! the clamps which chair to base did fasten eS oan And the blood from the knout did hasten A change of rock to clay ; And those h : Seemed proof ’gainst overthrow, On foot-hold wet with gore of their own shedding Slipped, swaying to and fro. Then she and they, with jubilant acciamations, Their song of trium An impious Ze Dewm o’er the nations That ’neath their feet were flung. But all at once that song, dia check and waver, Then stopped with sudden jar, As a voice came, low first, but swelling ever— A voice, heard, from afar, Singing like a caged bird, in spite of chains, And calumny, and wrong— inging like one looking from the plang Singing like ono win, lst ong The mountai and tells how with the P wualignt will 0 And chase th et chahe the valley c the mists t 10 gray, as to end. Anon, from hope rising into defiance, It spoke with te trumpet tone, mankind to holiest alliance ‘Gainst Brute Force on ber throne, Lay, sr That decp voiee filled the Till Anarch Force upon her throne did cower ; Her sword shook in her hand ; uge guards were sudden terror-stricken, my dull brows ashy-white ; While those down-trodden With new-awakened eit Thailied by the power Gat in thelr Ralipente members Aroused the Like roast the Fie Linde’ lils’s eed embers In the dry bones again. THE VOICE OF THE EXILE. guards, whose firm and even treading a > Ge land, ations seemed to quicken Bradbary, 1A Upper Wooers Place, Parea of %. Fanerna, and Predenek Muiiett } ht. — fF — yay tt ideas ta tas Og of London and Penioned ty ammat Chures Bow, Rowtngen, beth both in theCounty of Middlesex, Printers, «« ‘he yy he ay te ag Fy = of London.—Savoneat, Nevemoer 22n4,

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MRS. BAKER’S PET. Showing how she came by it ; the hold it established on her affections ; the serious nuisance it became to Mn. Baken; Ais generally brutal conduct in respect to ut ; and its ultimate influence on the family relations of Mx. and Mus. B. DEDICATED BY MR. PUNCH TO ALL LADIES HAVING ADOPTED, OR FEELING DISPOSED TO ADOPT, FOUR-FOOTED FAVOURITES OF ANY DESCRIPTION. — = Scene 1.—Mas. Baker Purcuases a Per. Place—Regent Street. Time—Two r. u. The usual Loungers and Passengers —Mr. Cutrrins, a quiet man, with an ex- pression of face half horse-jockey, half field-preacher, and a dress compounded of the prize-fighter, gentleman’ s groom, and gamekeeper, is walking up and down ; a “ King Charles” under one arm, a preternaturally clean under the other, and a knot of soi-disant Skye Terriers, questionable Spanie extremely uncomfortable Italian Greyhounds, in a string, about his feet. Baker has been out shopping. She has recently lost a favourite Cat, and the vacuum left by the bereavement is not yet filled up. She has always ha ness for dumb animals. Mr. Chiffins (whose yg has detected Mus, Baxen’s weak point), Nice dog, Marm! Kine Cuawis, Ma’am—there’s ears, Ma’am—ekal to floss silk— (continuing to walk the side of Mus. Baxen, who tries not to betray her Buys buns, Marm, and Or, if you’d like a Skye errier, Marm, there’s a pictur’ ! Can’t see out of his eye for ‘air, and a coat as Ah! you’re a-lookin’ at that Italian greyhound, Marm, I can see; he is a beauty. Only four pound, Marm. Come, what do you say for one em? Make me an offer, now. Bless you, Marm, name your figger. ibility) —Or a Poodle, Marm ?—do anythink but speak. —s penny on the counter as nat’ral as a Christian. 8 the Mrs. Baker. No, thank you. I don’t want one. Mr. Chiffins. Ah! you’re a@ lady as loves dumb hanimals, J can see. there’s a l, ; you shall ’ave him for one pun’ ten—a finebred dawg as ever was: sweet as a nut, and wonderful fond of his missus. Mrs. Baker (with a faint to Utilitarianism), |s he a good house-dog? Mr. Chiffins. ’Ouse-dog, ? Bless you, nothink can’t come near where he is, arter —he’\l tear the place down. VOL. XXI. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 231 4 Mrs. Baker. Oh! then be might bite somebody. Mr. Chiffins. Lor, Marm! he knows the difference atween = party and pee rae never 4 his teeth * the right sort o’ ie, 0 + ae cadgers, and | such fice, as is en - poe Fae distemper, Ma’rm, these six months, There ’s a hye, Marm. Bless the cretur ! Wouldn’t you say he was a talkin’ to ? Mrs. Baker ey strongly inclined towards the ex- tremely hi animal about which Mx. Cuirrins is so enthu- siastic), What is his name ? Mr. Chiffins. Scamr, Marm, is the name I ’ad with him —leastways from the party | bought him ov. Mrs. Baker. You’re sure he’s not been stolen ? Mr. Chiffins (with much horror), Stolen! Marm? Nobody never could say of Tom Currrivs as he ever bought a dawg wich he didn’t know all was (shaking his ). No, no; none o’ them games for Gemmunot Mrs. Baker. But 1 should be sure to lose him, Mr. Chiffins (steadily, and with conviction), Lose that dawg, Marm? 1’ll be you couldn't do it, if you tried | —leastways if you takes care on em, wich I see you ’re « lady as loves dumb animals. Bless you, they knows when they’re well orf, them kind of dawgs. They’ll eat their way through anythink, them dawgs will. Mrs. Baker, Thirty shillings, you said ? Tw Chiffins, Thirty bob is the lowest price | can take for me Baker, Oh, I wouldn't think of giving more than a pound ! Mr. Chiffins. Well, Marm, you mustn’t be ’ard on me. Say twenty-five, and it’s a deal; but the dawg’s worth two pound, if he’s worth a fi Mrs. Baker. Weil, if you like to take twenty-five shillings for the dog, and if you ’ll bring him to my house, No. 6, Blossom Terrace, Bayswater—— Mr. Chiffins. A\l right, Marm—I knows the ’ouse. Ali! that’s a hout-an-out cheap dawg, that is; but you ladies i» so knowin’, there’s no getting a profit out o’ you, Mrs. Baker (introducing herself to her new acquisition, and trying to pat him on the Lack), re, Scamp! Scamp! (Scamp cowers between the legs of Mn. Cuirrins, and resents Mus. Baken’s familiarity by showing his teeth, and growling. Mrs." Baker (repeiled by the dog's manner), Oh, he doesn’t seem at all good-tempered ! Mr. Chiffins. Oh, bless you, Marm! it’s only’is play. ’Ere (tn a tone of affectionate command), Scamp, ’ere, speak to the lady,—there’s a good dawg! (Scamp, at the solicitation of Mx. Curr¥ins, condescends to wag his tail slightly, which Mus. BAKER construes into a mark of incipient attae to herself, and goes on her way much pleased with her bargain, TIME’S OUT OF MIND. Ir used to be said that time and tide wait for no man ; but no man need wait for time and tide; nor is there any occasion for him to be tied to time, now that we have ot the Submarine Telegraph. On two or three occasionr, 4 ast week, the papers intimated that the French mai! had - not arrived at Dover; but the public cared little for the French mail, when all the important French news was con- centrated in a single line—that line being no other than the telegraphic wire across the Channel. The strong winds may blow and crack their cheeks to the fullest extent, but it matters not as long as they do not affect the still small voice of the Submarine Telegraph. ae sew There has recently been some discussion as to uniformity of time throughout England; but really we take no interest in the question; for now, that news can go from one end of Europe to the other in no time at all, we shall begin to think that watches and clocks are getting obsolete, and time itself so thorcughily set at nought, as to be unworthy of being noted. ‘ The idea of getting knocked into next week used to be a vulgar absurdity ; but when we find ourselves, in rela- tion to news, at least a week in advance of what was thought — possible a very little while ago, we begin to regard the notion of knocking into next week as one very capable of | being realised. ae eget te eer + | ae | ‘ : ' :

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——$ —_—__—__-—— ‘ PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI nh ~ b | middle of the stage, declaring he has “lost everything,” which signifies little, as he had netwing—not even a carpet-bag—on his arrival. THE BLOOMERS TO THE TAILORS. An attempt is then made upon his fidelity by a young lady in p'nk d { PRousE ye, each bold and spangles, who, in a grand pas de fascination, hops away, or Tai'or ; ; beckons him on, in the approved fashion of the bailet. He endeavours ’Tis Woman claims |to win her good graces by captivating attitudes, clasping his hands, your aid; turning up bis eyes, drawing his fingers down his face; then with one The craven that! of his arms supporting her waist, while the other arm forms the would fail her, | segment of acirele above her head. All is vain, and taking from a Oh scout him from | supernumerary, who enters, a square tea-cadddy, he offers it as an in- your trade ! ’Gainst Prejudice an Fashion pions, go; | , dash on To the rescue, ho! As Youth pursue his pleasures, So rush ye to you lists ; measures your fists. wielding, shielding - : ae With the bal crocodiles rather more benevolent, or fore the breast, Brandish your trusty scissors Yes, onward with your stitches, Knights of the Thim- | make the best use of it. Gripe ye ‘your trusty Right closely in Forward! the bodkin | needie firm in| The po of valour (224 the landscape opened to the extent of the round mark, in order ducement to the young female, who rejects not only that, but a comforter d for the neck, which he also tenders in the tenderest manner. His suit appears quite hopeless; but it eppears from his proceedings that he Go, gallant cham- cherishes a certain scarf, which he keeps alternately pressing to his heart and his lips, though in reality his nose seems to get it oftenest, and to The young woman in spangles playfully takes it away from him, when he goes nearly mad, and tears out of his hair Ladies’ the little roset/e of pink ribbon with which it has been trimmed, buries his face ir, his fists, and ultimately so misbebaves himself that he . is ordered to be thrown into the Nile as a sacrifice. Six priests are . dimensions, foolishly left within his grasp, and begins flourishing it about axe, and at the same time lays down the axiom, that “the cold heart can never feel,” and he announces the fact of his readiness tor the Nile, “with its icy bosom crammed to the very brim with hungry > to the “ Mighty Desert,’ f n the ensuing act we come to the “ Mi ” consisting of a ir of flats, with a large round mark in the eentre of the landscape. Memphis,” was soon explained when a whistle was heard, that 4zael—who has survived submersion in the Nile, and found the jous, than he expected— may witness the appearance of the Dream Spirit. dzael expresses a wish to go in search of his father; but, instead of doing so, he goes through some difficult contortions, Gucing Bae along the ground, Till coat and vest are done, “fill Beauty gains her own, tottering a little way in one direction, an staggering back again— And, spite of gibing quizzers, That phaneone | brave, the —which is oe ep ey met ee exertion and physical T ize | ! _~ , much time strengt I'he Bloomer prize is won ! Now worn by Man alone ! _ have takes him o mile st least on his wap, he declares his s ————— inability to move a step further. He is, somehow orother, dragged of. when his venerable father appears in a wig of black velvet, with a small AZAEL! AZAEL! blue piping run through it here and there, to give it a dash of grey—the Arrractep by the scenery, dresses, and scene,” we p over | Nile, and entering, a few doors down on the right, we procee: ded straight on till we found ourselves opposite “the owned and Vast Square of Memphis.” On reference to our hand-book, or play-biil, we perceived that the “ Memphian Games” vere supposed to be going on ; and in one corner of the square, on a small wooden platform, three feet six, by two feet nine, we observed three men, engaged in playing at nothing for nothing, with some blank dice, which were vehemently shaken up in atin mug without a handle. While the were at their height, a procession made its appearance, headed by Egyptian warriors, who, it is to be hoped, were on the retired list, and not likely | to be called into active service; for their shields were of about the size _ in Mazeppa ; or sidle about among the thumps and shoves of a hostile| | soldiery in the Wars of Afghanistan, “'The Golden Altar with the | | undying Fire” is cer and quality of paper kites, their only armour was a sort of square fan-tail, or “curtain,” as the ladies call it, of cloth, attached to the back of their dark woollen night-caps. These were followed by priests, in white night-gowns, that ought to have been down to their heels; but as one very tall priest had accidentally exchanged night- gowns with one very short priest, the former oak pable the fact, that the legs of the w of the priests were in long leather gaiters. The procession introduces, of course, the whole of that “ unrivalled collection of rare animals,” which is always d kicked, poked, and pinched through every q ¢ of the globe, in which the Astleian authors lay the scenes spectacles. Our old and refractory friends, the two singe without tails, writhe through the grand square of Memphis, as wu ortably as they wriggle over the Steppes of Tartary a gorgeous affair; but on the night we saw it, the tow was either p, or the spirits-of-wine deficient, which | caused the “undying fire” to be ve speedily at the point of death, | and it went out rather early in a binek cngtbiag ti | Procession bad scarcely | Cob, and expresses a desire to witness “ the gorgeyus cerimonies.” He when dzael enters, on a clever is, Without much ceremony, dragged on to the orm, where the vigorous game at nothing is still going on, and having taken his turn at| It has been | the tin mug, and thrown out from it t blank dice, but triumph. The) it should not be properly spelt “ Roewes.” ne rushes into the | up to auction. result of two whole acts of suffering. Beimg an agriculturist, his sonien of 0 tacle, with not only “new! Presence is required at a harvest festival, represented by about a ecorations;” but with “new camels, zebras, Brahmin bulls,” and “ everythmg which can tend to give reality to the : : ahm . Weskwmster Bridge, to the Bank. of the | t ® suit of fleshings and a door-mat, the father does not know him, and quarter of a truss of real straw and a dozen painted haycocks. The son and the father meet ; but as the son’s wardrobe has dwindled is going through the usual preliminaries to a recognition by tottering backwards, when a ery from a benevolent “wag” in the | gallery, of “Come, come, hold up, old man—hold up!” restores the | broken-hearted t to a consciousness of the necessity for preserving |the perpendicular. Everybody, of course, rushes into everybody’s |arms, the scarf is hugged and kissed, the old man’s black velvet hair | piped with blue, is parted on his forehead by his enraptured son, an | by the aid of a magic lantern—happily at hand in “ the Peaceful Valley” | —there is a Grand “ Superhuman reappearance of the Nocturnal Vision of the Desert.” | Our account of Azael, at Astley’s, may be somewhat too literal for | those of a poetic imagination; but when we say that it is gorgeous! got | wp, with all the liberality and spirit of an Astley’s management, we are | sure we shall send many more to the theatre than we shall deter from | going there, by our very common-place view of an y mag- nificent spectacle. | NOTES AND QUERIES FOR COMMUNISTS AND RED REPUBLICANS, | A Corresronpent wishes to know how and whence eould have origi- pated so extraordinary a proposition as the dogma that “ property is theft.” From the cireumstance, we should say, that the gentleman ren first propounded it, had no idea of aequiring anything except by stealing. } Another Correspondent casts a doubt on the correctness of the or- thography of the word “ Kouges,” the French name for the ultra- | republicans, and by us translated “ Reds.” He suggests that “ Rouges,” as applied to the party of disorder, is a corruption of an Anglicism, to be rectified by the transposition of two letters: and inquires whether | HOW TO TREAT ELECTORS. that the voters of St. Anpans should be put rtainly; and all of them knocked down. preparing to lead bim away, when he seizes an axe of pantomimic | the bewildered heads of the Memphian clergy. Suddenly he lays down the | his mark, which at first struck us as one of the “Mysteries of |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 233

| ing the son of another poor man—and —— aa = — = == == Navy Quadrilles, under the title of the cs gh ym mea » Oe School | was : U ‘ore, say | we, to the Blue coat Schoo | acts up to those noble principles of charity, | noble. princi have never been deviated | > t | like to see a published statement of the | in the Blue-coat School owing to the

| A PROPHECY THAT REQUIRES NO GREAT

| Prophet.

THE SCHOOL FOR POOR CHILDREN. THE MONS. JULLIEN IN LABOUR AGAIN. We have always maintained that the Blue-coat School was an Tue JULLIEN era of music must always form an important epoch in the institution Bm but children were received. Here is Calendar; and the Mows is at this moment rearing his lofty head high another proof, in addition to a hundred others which have already been above all opposition in Drury Lane. published, that there never is the slightest departure from the charter We never see the Mons. JuLuzen without thinking of the famous of its benevolent donor, no matter in whose favour it may be exercised. Alpine Mons; and Braon’s lines om the latter are capable of easy The School is known to be a sacred spot where the rich have no adaptation to the former : influence—where the poor only are allowed to enter—and London | ought to be proud of having within its monied walls such a holy | The Moxs is the King of Conductors ; lace. . j ; ss They crowned him long ago, This is the proof in athe, which we cut out of the evidence given | With jet black hair, before the St. Albans Bribery Commission : And moustachios rare, “ He (Mz. Epwanps) had a brother in the Blue-coat Sehool. Ma. Bowp Cansrut, And a waistcoat, and stock of snow!” who was once member for St. Albans, and for whom his father acted as agent, presented a him to the school after be was elected for the Borough. | We only can thet the Mons should be visible for so brief a period Now, Mra. Bonn Caspext, it is sufficiently known at all the |@mong us, and that he should only visit us like the “glimpses of the guinea dining-places in the is, is a very poor man. In Moon” for the brief month of November. He is no sooner come than ‘a member for St, Albans, is the 4¢ is gone, and we have only just arrived at the knowledge that it is short, the mere fact of his bei 4 ove ~4 stuempest Quad of hie poverty. Mn. Evwarvs’s father, if we may the “first week but one,” when we find it is also the “ last week but two judge from the questionable practices to which he lent himself at | of his performances. the St. Albans election, must be a very poor man also. lIiere,! We understand that the Mons has in preparation for his next season then, we have a poor man recommend- a sort of companion to his Army E no higher recommendation than that of | | their Jount poverty is requisite for the son i to be instantly received into the Blue- coat Sehool. This is most admirable! | There is no wealthy influence at work | here—no bending the knee to the Golden | Calf! No election-bargaining—no con- || science buying or cheating! No! it is the finest _e to Poverty— in whose stables, | _ Figure 2.—Rattling of the area rails. | Triangle solo. of the cold | mutton, Oboe Cook. Figure 3.—Assembly of the Chartists on Kennington Common. “Come if you dare!” Speech of the Chartist Orator, introducing the new drum called the hum- drum, brought over by Mons. Juiiien | from France, expressly for this occ«sion. Figure 4—The crowded thoroughfare. Politeness of the police to the female

, a8 as it |

which are the text of its charter! Those

from smmce the School has been a School, and we are so confident that publicity || can ouly more and more glorify the in-

| passengers. Love and duty. Figure 5.—Gathering of all nations and |, all vehicles at the entrance of the Crystal Palace. Fiagellation of the cab-horses. Solo, flageolet— Mr. Commer. The

tegrity-of its hat we

number of children who are at present

recommendation of Mr. Bonp CaBBe.i. Who knows? the number of little Ep- WARDSES may be infinite. obligato, Trema, trema, scelerato, A purse is lost im the confusion, J/ mio tesoro Running accompaniment. Blocking up of the thoroughfare. Grand Concert Stuck, until all burst forth in the glorious ery of “ Move Ow.”

PROPHET TO PROPHESY. Ir is not at all improbable that at the | approaching “festive season” called Christmas, Mr. Frexmone may dress | himself up as a Bloomer,—and it is pot unlikely, either, that, in that elegant cos- tume, he may dance ee seul, very much to the amusement of the Gallery.— Our

A Legal Contradiction, Te only day of the week in which the Sheriff’s Officer has no power over the poor Debtor is the Sunday—and this is most curious—(though I am far from eom- plaining of it)—for the Sunday is essen- tially, in the eye of the English Law, the day of a-rest.— Briefless.

=———3

A NEW STATUE FOR ST. ALBANS. (A Pendant to the celebrated Eifigy of Bacos.) INSCRIPTIO, TRANSLATION. Auctore Tosti nostro, Canino-Latina. | Dog-Latin Inscription, composed by our Tony. JACOBUS BELL, JACOB BELL, APUD PARLIAMENT: BRITAN: BURGI STI ALBANI PROCURATOR, | REPRESENTATIVE OF ST. ALBANS IN THE BRITISH PARLIAMENT, SEU WOTOKIBUS TITULIS | BETTER KNOWN as VICI OXONIENSIS PHARMACOPOLA SPECTABILISSIMUS, A MOST RESPECTABLE CHEMIST AND DRUGGIST IN OXFORD STREET, SIC SEDEBAT : SAT IN THIS War: WHO, APTER PENETRATING ALL THE SECEETS OF MR, COPPOCK’S OFFICE ABD MR. BPWARDS’S BACK PARLOUR, FELL A VICTIM TO THE ACT OF PARLAAMENT FOR THE DISFRANCHISEMENT OF ROTTEN BOROUGHS, QUI, POSTQUAM OMNIA COPPOCKII PEWETRALIU x ET EDWARDSII ARCANA EVOLVISSET, PARLIAMENT! DECRETUM EXPLEVIT, BURGI CORRUPTI SOLVANTUR. — —— <a = = ee

meeting of the coal-wagons. Sax-horn |

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THE CRISIS OF AFFAIRS. _ PUNCH, OR THE 5G looney yy \ ae “all SRE - ay LONDON CHARIVARL | Th a ’ i } \ } a “ , a A (¢ ’ a Mona yo) \ ue i EN . RECREATION FOR THE HORSE GUARDS, WHEN REMOVED FROM KNIGHTSBRIDGE : AND HOW MUCH BETTER THAN IptING Im a Pusiic Hovsz, on Firetine wire Mam Servants! | | | ERTAIN Editors are always writin about the “Crisis of Al- fairs,” and we believe no Editor could write unless he had a crisis; but what the Editor of the Go-a- head Journal really calls a “Crisis of Affairs,” is— “Having to write whilst the baby is crying,—your wife is asking you for the hundredth time what you will have for dinner,—the te hall, loot = fa for the Deaf Asylum to hear a the cy is knocking at the door for Copy. That is something like a Crisis of Affairs,” he says, “which America ma playing ite your win- | ow,— KOSSUTH FOR EVER! War do the millions cheer Kossutn, that gave No greeting to the Democrats of France ? Because they feel the difference of a brave Struggle for Freedom from a frantic dance Round trees of Liberty, doom’d ne’er to bud, Wherein the sole reality was blood. An opera-dance—Terpsichoréan show— To music of “ Mourir pour la Patrie,” The bailet ending in a grand tableau Such as at Rome we saw, and still do see ; Crush’d by French arms a twin Republic’s And restoration of our Lord the Porz. Between such heroes as a Writtam Tei — Or Wasutxetos—not our foe, but our king’s— And ill-conditioned dreamers, who reb Against the natural ordinance of things, Britons distinguish ; wholly scorning these, And all their mad pedantic mutinies. A strife against the fetters and the lash— _ Chaining free thought—inflicted on the fair : A ane, om t, stern es — es ing wrong too to . This, the io what we ish understand ; This was the battle fought in Magyar land. Therefore, among the Kossut we class, | thank its stars it isn’t the Editor of a paper, or else it might be troubled with such a Crisis regularly once a week.” We hail him as we s Our guest, arisen from And hope his eloquence of honest Kurope may urge her tyrants to abate. } | Hr! Cam !—We are told that anew Economic Cab Company is in the field; but what is the use of its being in the field, when it is wanted in the street and City ? men, : Who fairly, truly, fought for Liberty ; Lzon1Das "iu Tt TTCQHITATYW TOC £AANTAT SAV ATT AA TT |

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& bead 28a S8nd 228 38 | Fre ii Rib. NY Ft S3sd3 sad

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| PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. TO MY BROTHER BRITISH DRAMATISTS. gaR Brorners!—The con- ditions of an international copyright law have been settied between the Foreign Ministers of England and France. An attempt will be made to embody these con- ditions in the form of a law during the ensuing session. If they are so embodied, the days of the British Drama- tists are numbered. “For among these con- ditions is one, that protection is to rd to translations executed by or for the au- thor—and this Vision is expressly ex matic compositions. Consider the ences. “Hitherto the French répertoire bas been the common property of the British Dramatist. This was, indeed, the only field on which the old war between France was still hess up. The bayonet of Briti ier no invaded the French frontier, but the scissors of the British Dramatist still walked proudly into the pages of the French Vaudevilliste. Need I say that the advantage was ever om our side; that British pluck bore off the Drama of the Porte St. Martin, or the Vaudeville of the Variétés, to the friendly ports of | the Victoria or the Haymarket, just as the British frigates towed the French first-rates into Plymouth or Sheerness ? what he likes with the Frenchman at an end. | hard-earned But, who ever saw France making reprisals, either on our stage plays or our ships of war ? “Thus viewed, the function of the British Dramatist becomes a national one. He is the solitary wpholder of the Briton’s right to do ’sown. This great patriotic prin- cipl or by neki was still upheld by managers, and a British ie could sti the translations of the salute the trophies of British prowess in British Dramatist. ‘ But if this iniquitous compact be carried out, all these triumphs are The French Dramatist will not lack traitorous co-o ion among our writers for the and henceforth an unnatural and unholy alliance may be looked for of the French author and the British adapter! Brethren, is this to be borne “* Englishmen, are the rights of the Briton thus to be tamelyabandoned? “ British Dramatists, arise one man, and swear upon + that you will never submit to share with Frenchmen the ittance wrung’ from erial rapacity. Hitherto French rolls have been our bread,—but fet this atrocious compact become law, and that bread is baked for ever | “ British Dramatists, be up and demg! Let the Frenchman, when he comes to ask payment for his shot, find his own piece turned against him, with a determined British Dramatist, match in band, ready, if necessary, to blow the invader into immortal smash ! “ Your Brother, “ Ropomont Frtz-Scripe, “ Who has taken upwards of \Q) pieces from the French at the point of his own scissors,” OLD KING COAL. Oup Kise Coat paid a very high toll, adi in the bottle, and it went in tke bowl; ! callipee. what a shame! said the people, What a wrong that this should be ! ’s none whate’er that can compare sons of gluttony. to dra-| re YOUNG NERO’S LAST! ) Tae Emperor or AvustTaia was known to be an enemy of progress, | | but until ne sent the police, the other day, to regulate the Money | Market, few could have imagined the lengths he was prepared to go in | emer to Change. By this manceuvre he has driven the Bears out | of his kingdom bodily, as if they were actual quadrupeds: a proceeding which, however, he might have improved upon by setting a price upon their heads. Some may be surprised to find this Monarch displaying | such hostility to the Bears, considering the obligations he is under to | one of the family. But the Bear that lowers Money Market, and | the Bear that tramples down Liberty, are two different animals; and | his Majesty knows the difference between Bear and Bear, if not be- “— wt bg bp physical the attacking the Bears ysical force, | measure of wisdom for whieh he is not likely to much credit, as it | | is little calculated to inspire confidence in the stability of his throne, or | indeed of his senser. With a view to show that he can control the | exchanges by violenee, he will next, perhaps, be sending polieemen to the weathereock : or to repeat CawuTs’s experiment upon the tide. Cawutsz, though, or anybody conneeted with England, may be out of his good books just now: as, after the reception this country has given to Kossuru, he doubtless hates a Butt as much as he does a Bear. has shown a | THE HONEST CABMAN’S COMPLAINT. Come, noble lords and ladies, and gentlefolks also, Attention to my story I pray pan to bestow ; | A Cabman’s is the calling and trade which t rsue, | And though I say ’t as shouldn’t, I’m an Sodan Cabman, too rhe the sum of eightpence is our lawful fare per mile ; And wherefore go extortion more with greediness and guile, Accompanied by insolence, as mostly is the case? I will not aet so brutal, and I won’t behave so Why is it, in ic’lar, that we expects to screw A price out of our customers above the stated due ? Why is a Cabman’s bisnis the sole and only trade Wherein a blessed cove can’t be contented ven he’s paid ? 8 ing a physician receivin’ of his fee Sad" Wot's this here ?” or, “ This won't do!” why not, as well as we? And then, suppose he foller’d his patient down the street, Abusin’ and insultin’ him, I wonder what he’d meet ? I don’t see why a Cabman’s must needs be a —- ‘To make a man a ruffian, a blackguard, and a brute, A savage, foul-mouthed bully, a villain, and a thief; | But thas’s our general character, which I relate with grief. What ’s wanted is Protection, whereby I mean Free Trade ; Defence in competition which rascals would invade : Who threatens for to smash our cabs, and drive us off the stand, For offerin’ civility with cheapness of The system of our guv’nors too, ’tis proper should be known, | Because the vehicles we drives is few on ’em our own; | So much a day, make what we may, we ’re bound to bring ’em back ; Vich if we fail, by consequence, in course, we gets the sack. Now by this here ment, the chap wot drives a cab Is tempted all he ipo any means to : On which ent ton moral coves he mw A in ~ a line, And them few finds it uphill work, aa is the faet with mine. I am an honest Cabman, as I before have said ; | And ’tis hard lines, I ’sure you, for such to yarn their bread ; | By means of proper management what soon would cease to be, | And the Public have the benefit as well as coves like me. The Tree of Knowledge. ’ ery curious—and we onl ion i curious—that two of the highest branches of the T should be occupied at the moment by a Professor and a Doctor answering to the names of Kane and Biacu ! “WHAT SHALL WE HAVE BOR Di~wen?” Lapy Mazi Civrrexsvcn writes to us to say, that “ the i ing the Blanket is easily

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI. THE BALLAD OF SIR T. TEA-LEAF. (Being a humble Parallel to the Ballad of Six Joux Baxteyrcory.) It was three gallant Chinamen, With long tail and pig eye, And they have sworn a 4% oath, Sra T. Tea-Lear must die. And they have ta’en and flung him down Upon an iron bed, And underneath, with cruel hand, Have heaped the ashes red. They ’ve spread him out, and pressed him down, And turned him o’er and o'er, They’ve dried him up, until he curled, And writhed in suffering sore. In vain he twisted and he turned, In vain he cried for grace ; They kept him so, and scorched him till He grew black in the face. But finding he was still alive, Their malice waxed more keen ; They dosed him first with Prussian blue Tul his poor face turned green. What sparks of life might still remain Determined to foredo, They gave him next a bitter draught Of gum and catechu. And on his death his name they changed, Lest men their crime should know And when men asked, ‘‘ Who’s that lies there ?” They answered, “ Young Pexog.” Whereas his name and family, It really was Soucnone, Related to the old Concovs, A race both rough and strong. Lest men should recognise his dust, To dust when passed away, His calcined bones they kneaded up With lumps of China clay. Their poison’d victim then they wrapp’d In lead, with well-feign’d grief, And wrote the epitaph outside, “ Here lies Sin T. Tea-rear.” And though their grief was all a sham, The epitaph was true, For “ here” it said, “a Tea-.ear lies,” And “lie” such Tea-leaves do. Now Tea-tear’s name is in repute In lands beyond the sea, Where maiden ladies love him much, Under the name Green-tea. Ah! little dream these ancient maids Of Chinaman’s vile craft, Nor think, while chatting o'er their cups, There ’s poison in the draught. And little know they of the fate Poor Tea-Lear had to dree, Or in their teapots they would weep Tears bitter as their tea; Till with the water of their woe E’en the first brew was spiled, And the presiding maid would be Obliged to draw it mild! Then to poor Tza-Lear drop a tear, By poison doomed to fall ; And when there ’s green-tea in the pot, May I not drink—that’s all. IS THE LORD MAYOR IRRESPONSIBLE ? Tue proposal of a vote of thanks to the late Lorp Maror—founded on the absurd old princi ised the important question—Is the Lonp Maron irresponsib of “thank you for nothing” —has The feeling at the Court of Aldermen seemed to be, uite embarrassing. Even his logists | eclare that he had got inflated ; n being inflated, they regard him as a fit subj to be blown up, which has been done most | unsparingly. } e don’t exactly understand what the | yt = — a ed the lateLonp Mayor | to do, by way of giving a more imposing aspect to the viel of the Corpemtion t | Paris. Even supposing that he had caused Goe and Macoe to be meluded in his suite, | or taken over with him the State : got up a Lord Mayor’s Show in Paris, he © would not have succeeded in astonishing a population who see such things better done — ovary if their — H Y a aps he ought to have gone nowhere with- out his Aldermen ; but, as it was, he left Boulogne as one of a of six in a small fly; and i added to the dignity of the City if | been one of a party of six-and-twenty in an | omnibus. That the ion was imperfectly re- presented by the head without its right and | left hand—the Sheriffs—is true enough ; | but why the whole of the Aldermen should take offence because they were not dragged forward on ev by the Lorp Mayor, is a tan! Ma for which we find no solution. THE BLACK EAGLE’S SWOOP ON THE STOCK EXCHANGE. Tue British stock-broker ought to be vist places of Capel Court, London, tnxtend | sant B ins pd, le SB -b- leountry the “ ” are on | bayonets, and the “bears ” baited by police- | men, till dealing in the stocks comes toend | in sitting in them, and all the business trans- /acted is in Austrian bonds, in which, to use the slang of the Money Market, | | there is always too much tightness to be | pleasant. | It is certainly a brilliant notion in Barow Krauss, and his friend the Town Captain | of Vienna, by way of preventing a panic in | stocks, to get up a panic among stock- brokers, and to make a rush on the ers, | as a means of —— the banks. But as the Austrian Government, instead | of making money, can only spend it, they | will find it easier to arrest bankers then bankruptcy; and may shortly look to see Austrian ideas as much at a discount all over Europe as Austrian paper currency. | Sign of a Very Severe Winter. Some weather-wise Murrny has been seizing hold of the Boa Constrictor at the | Zoological ens as a sure token that we — |are to have a very severe winter. He de- | clares that “ the Boa Constrictor swallowed |the blanket entirely, as a matter of in- stinct. The sagacious creature felt we were | going to have an unusually severe winter, | 0 it swallowed its blanket to keep its inside | | warm.” ple | GOING SHARES IN THE NAME OF NEED. ©: | We perceive that the Secre of a | that the elevation to the Monarchy of | « Pal coer ong and Quicksilver Mining Coenen is too much for anybody’s head, or at all events for any citizen’s head, to stand ; | Company” is “Neep awp Co.” Let us | and per on coming to the throne of the Mansion House. The late Lonp Maron gave great offence to the rest of the Corporation, by the isolated attitude friend in Need is a friend indeed he assumed on the paddie-box of the Folkstone steamer, the coach-box of the Boulogne fly, and the refreshment room at the Railway Station, on the celebrated civic expedition to Paris wrath of his brother Aldermen, which has been bottled up for some months, and has become ] crustier on that account, has been poured out upon him at last, with a fulness of body th-* is aps the fur cap is an emblem of that softening of the upper story which is likely to ensue hope that all the shareholders will pocket | large dividends from the old proverb:—“A | . The} all the| 70 CORRESPONDENTS.—“Navenrr | Bor” has not sent his address. i —

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eo.’ & rer eR BP

ewe ~F oO neoteeen — In January. Loum Napotzon escapes from the Elysée in the basket of a chiffonier. | elected Perpetual President. Acting upon the old law, that La Propricté eat le Vol, he scrambles all the money found at the Bank, , from the top of the Arc ad o— Aristo found wearing shoes is In hebruary . rand distribution of the pictures of the Louvre. The famons —— of the Deluge sus over the Bains Chinois. Expedition to Rome: Louis Napo_eon caught in the same = DT with Asp-e1-Kaver. The Por lands in England, and sues protection Marek ep ceteatetip temas tun, enim tate! wi . | c Every Aristo found guilty of wearing « shirt, is condemned to death.— Jubilee. ' Every Aristo detected with a pair of trousers, forfeits his head to the outraged

.—Another Jubilee. very Aristo who puts his bead under a hat, is condemned to forfeit both to Jubilees | ers, beot-makers, hat-makers, blouse makers, and tailors, rained in France.— Another Jubilee. All the silver of the rieh melted down, and every Demoerat in France presented with a silver spoon. Failure of the harvests, and general famine.— Another Jubilee. August. Expedition of everybody into Russia sent to work in the minesof Siberia; AusTaia and Puvsera brought to Paris, where they are confined on parole in the catacombs. September. Monster army invades England, with floating jackets. Provpnow crowned, at Highbury Barn, President of United Democratic Europe. Londow surren- dered te three months’ plunder. Death of 500,000 English tailors from fright. The Qvueew takes refuge in the Thames Tunnel. October, Triumphal entry into Paris. Ten Kings, six Emperors, three Queens, ; 2.688,506 Enrepean noblemen of all ranks, with the Loup Mayor at their head, walk | bare-headed im the with their crowns dangling round their necks. The | crowns are then taken away, avd with the precious stones a monster Eagle is mannfac- tured, and placed on the top of the towers of Notre Dame. A grand afterwards, in the Champ de Mars, with the crown of England. The Lorn oat | refusing — ~ his mace, only escapes death by consenting to act as Fool to the President's November . uanave OCs O'Comwon appointed Pro-Consul of England, with Low 18 | Reepentts Saaetane Sign! act of vengeance of Lepav Rov» upon all the erities | ho laughed at hie Decline of England. They are shut up in the Tower, and con- | Guna for seven years to write paragraphs upen the book.— Not one sur- vives ‘be first day's torture. Glorivus downfall of the Wealth of England. The Manquess or Wesrurveres is taken up at Temple Bar for writing “1 am starving,” on the pavement. ber. The Dem tic Flag floats from every steeple in Europe. Universal Jubilee and Carnival of all nations at Paris, terminating with the Grande Féte de la Guillotine, at which the Kixo oF Narirs is appointed Master of the Ceremonies. The Monster Eagle stohn from Notre Dame by the Boy Jowes, and Razzia made in England in cons quence. General Bankruptcy, and Flight of = zARGUS () Conver to China, with the Keb-i-neor. Concluding Tabieau of “ Punch found mourning over the ruins of Loudon.” } Rassia, Prussia, and A ustria.— Exreroe =

Such are the horrors which are apparently in store for us, according to Democratic prophecy, during the “; ood time” that is coming this | next year. We have so frightened ourselves merely by enumeratin them, that we have just sent off to Mr. Gueey, to inquire what he will charge fora twelvemonth’s board and !od,ing in the Nassau Balloon. If bs charges are not too high, we are thinking it will be just as well | to keep out of the way till 1852 has safely blown over.

Is. At all the Electoral Com-| lace—the pectin ery | 1852.” | sometimes delight in acon te] he whole of the ensuing year ; | , brought back to Paris, and condemned to be shut up in the} ¢ wame at football | q | leave to repeat, in the place of spirits, take

THE COUNSEL’S TEAR. Iv Farapay’s or Lrenre’s art’ Couid erystallise this legal treasure, Long might a pleader, near his heart, The jewel wear with chuckling pleasure, | The native brilliant, ere it fell, A squeeze produced i in WatxeEr’s Which, winking, dro vhe liquid ‘ oe,” The spring of plausibility, Nice drop of rich and raey light, In thee the rays of Humour shine ; Almost as queer, all but as bright, As any gem or joke of mine, Thou fine effusion of the soul! That never fail’st to gain relief, Whieh barristers can ne’er con When thou art like to help ae brief : The farce-wright’s and the jester’s theme, In many a joke, on many @ stage, Thow moisten'st Cuirry’s arid theme, And BuackstTone’s dry and dreary page. ber nee by —ooten Can shed, as the bosom’s source, With feeling only sincere Could weep on t’ other side—of course.

REE ALCOHOL SUPERSEDED. (To the Temperance League.) Y Excetteyt Fatesps,—In the Times of November 12, you will find the following passage, under the heading of Consumption or Sprairs :-—

“In the nine months October, 1850, the quantity of spirits—rum, brandy, and geneva—was 3,521,988 gailons ; and in the nine months ending 10th ult., the quantity entered for home consump- tion was 3,449,089 gallons, showing a de- crease of 72,549 gallons. pi consumed during the time the Great E xhi- bition was open, than in the preceding year.”

or to stand on your and processions, buffoonery on platforms in oppositien ‘only ask you to contribute im some sensible way to the amusement of society; and if you call upon me to ex eir- culation of my a! periodical, with a view to limit that of the battle If you know any better scheme, candidly » ines it; if not, this with me; as Ma. Cocxxe says of his pills, in ¢ onace, as if Horace were Honativs Cocuzs, and not | But, however, depend upon this, that when Loup Brrow wrote— “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk,” he (being probably in a state of gin himself) meant— “ Man, being miserable, must get drunk.” And your great problem is, to diseover an effectual means of keeping the spirits up without pouring spirits down. Inthe mea: time, I take PUNEH. far gon; map anip four ty thasth wal you; my only fear is, t i of you to make a Exhibition

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, — Zz Tu

= —— —= oO —! —— ~ eo — > = —<—<—— AWKWARD CONSEQUENCES OF REMOVING THE SOLDIERS FROM KNIGHTSBRIDGE. —_ ae ee ——»~——— PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARE.

THE RESPECTABILITY OF \3© look out—and keep the peace at the

papel == wt ae : ogg a in general, not t by the jon of beer. Mar. Nee TUNE Smita at any rate cut as re- spectable a as any witness 'who appeared before the Bribery _ Commissioners. It is gratifying, however, to have Mx. Brace's assurance that cuere is one respectable connected with the Borough of St. Albans. THE ERO OF UNGARY. | . Aw inhabitant of the heart of this | metropolis, hearing the Empzron or | Austara called a Nero, denied his | Majesty’s claim to the insisting that it was Kossurs, not the

Housemaid. “le vou Presse, ’M, Me, ano Cook, axp Mary, wisnes to Leave, tu1s Day Montu, Ma’am.” | tyrant, who ought to be styled an’ero.

VESTED INTERESTS IN KNIGHTSBRIDGE BARRACKS. (Claimed by the People over the way.) Ar a suburban Court of Common Council, convened at the Noted House for Old Ale, and attended by the majority of the pot-house keepers, licensed or unlicensed vituallers, and other inhabitants of that | ornamental border of the Knightsbridge Road opposite to the Barracks, | | Mr. Griiums in the chair. Mra. Maxwewt submitted to the court a motion of which he had | ven notice, relative to the proposed removal of Knightsbrid arracks, to make room for a National Gallery. He was sure achele there present wouldn’t impute what he was going to say to interested motives, for they was all rowin in the same boat (dear), and had but one object, which was the good of the public. (Hear, hear.) A proposal had been started to move the Barricks from over the way (groans). What for? ‘To build a pictur gallery in the place of ’em—a pictur gallery, to hold, what they called, the old masters. He knew nothing about the old masters, nor old mistresses neither; but this he knew, | that he bad the greatest respect and admiration for the British sojer ; and hoped he might never see the day when that neighbourwood should be deprived of the advantages attending on the Life-Guards He would move, that this meetin views with serious alarm the idear of moving Knightsbridge Barricks, the benefits of witch institooshun the inabitants of this districk have so long enjoyed: and considers the attempt to deprive them of the privilege of the military a unjustifiable interference with their wested rights (cAcers). Mr. Pewrers said he seconded that are motion. He rejected with scorn the foul himputation that the Barricks was injurious to the morals of the neighbourin population. He would pledge his reputation for Hot Elder Cordial to the contrary. He had a family, and if he might, would send them into the guard-room to take exercise in behaviour (dear, hear). lus firm conwiction was that the atmosphere of the Barricks was, in a moral pint of view, salubrious. (Much cheering.) Mr. Harpy felt himself compelled to oppose the metion by a sense of duty. (O4/ oh!) The British soldier was the finest fellow in the world on the field of battle (iromical cheers), but he was the greatest possible nuisance at the area of domestic life (disses). By removing the

| Barracks from that side of the way, they would remove drunkenness |and debauchery from this. (Zremendous uproar, and cries of “ Turn him | out!” amid which the speaker resumed his seat.) | Mr. Jusrrer would not sit quiet and hear sich a unwarantable | stigma throwd on the carrickter ‘of a ‘respectable row of ouses and | the British Army (cheers). . He oaly wished the gallant fellers as |had bin abused (Acar, hear), and the British as had been | insulted, by that indiwidgle, was now present, and they ’d soon teach him what it was to attempt to black their good names with falsehood. ‘Order, order !) Mr. Harpy. I did nothing of the sort (Confusion), Mr. Juniper. You did. (Yes, yes! and No!) Ma. Harpy. I did not. Ma. Jowiver. It’s false! Mr. Hanpy. If you say that again, 1’Il punch your head. (Uproar, disapproved of Ma. Harpy’s x. JuNTPER had come it rayther | and cries of “ Chair /”’) ; | The CHarrmany, though he a | remarks, thought, howsomdever, that | too strong. Everybody wae free to state his own opinions, never mind how much they went agin the feelins of the majority. Mr. Tarr said the agitation for movin the Barricks was all the work of a humbug paper.. For his part, he didn’t care a dump for the Press not he. Who wanted pictures at Knightsbridge icks? They had one picture close by, the picture of a British hero, and that was —he meant the sign of “The Life Guardsman.”—But why fret them- selves afore there was occasion? There was nothin to be afeard of at resent; the thing couldn’t be done except by Act of Parliament ; and he know’d that the Metropolitan Members would give it their deter- mined opposition (Cheers). Mz. Jospixs could produce the opinions of several officers and gentlemen that the present site of Knightsbridge Barracks was the very best that could be chosen for the purpose to which it was now applied (hear, hear /). There might be some little room for improvement in the contiguous dwellings, which, if pro attended to, would remove all objection. He would, if such was the feeling of the meeting, prepare 4 model of the Barracks and the neighbourhood, with the alterations he had in view, to be deposited, in some convenient situation, for public inspection. ‘This proposal was received with loud and the resolution having been put and carried, with but one tient rinking parties. voice, the meeting broke up into several dri

Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 13, Upper Woburn Place ia the Parish of St. Pancras, and Frederick Mallett Evans, of Ne. 7, Churea Row, Stoke im the County of Middlesex, Printers, at *h<* Newington, both UGee is Lombard Street, im tte Preeimet of Waitefriars, tn the City of Ledon.and publisaed by them at No. %, Fleet Street, im the Parish of St. Bride, iu tne City of Londoa.—Sarenpat, November 20th, 195'-

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gS eke? SEPTELSSRABSSS +E ® &@ - aR ae * = eRe ane -" [evr Fees 6 ~~ &@ a i PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 241 LOUIS NAPOLEON AND THE ALMANACKS. very Almanack maker has been laying violent hands upon poor Lovis Napo.zoy. There is no doubt that “If Zapxrer.'’s fit to live, Lovuts must die.” Old Moore seems de- termined to dispose of the President in the very first month of the year, and ZapKIeL, with scarcely more consideration, pre- dicts that “serious trou- ble seizes on Louis Na- POLEON in February, if he have outlived the violent influence of last summer.” In ordinary cases you cannot eat your cake and have it; nor does it seem reasonable that you should kill yoar Presi- dent and still have him,to be used in future months as a subject for future prophecies. Neverthe- | less, after dooming poor Louis Naroveon to death in January, or February at latest, he 1s galvanised for further use in March; and we are told that in April, Louis Naproteon may now say, “ Adieu to all my Greatness.” How he is to mae this neat speech in April, after having been dead two or three months, is a problem which none but a profes- sional prophet would be bold enough to attempt the solution of. It is quite clear that if anything should unfortunately happen to the} | President of the French republic, Old Moore—though, by the way, there are three Old Moongs—a sixpenny Old Mooxe, a twopenny Old Moore, and a Penny Moore, who is, in fact, a penny less—would be liable as an before the fact to a very grave accusation. The hieroglyphic shows a pair of compasses pointing to the portrait of Louis Napoteoy ; and surely this may be called compassing his death, when we take it in connexion with the letter-press. It cannot be a very comfortable thing to have one’s death and downfal prophesied in all directions ; but we dare say the President will survive the pre- dictions, which will be explained away next year by the intimation that from and after January, Louis Napoteon ceased to be alive—to his own and his country’s interests. ENCOURAGEMENT TO GRETNA GREEW. To persons about to marry in the neighbourhood of Manchester, the Morning Post affords the following important information :— “Tas Law or Margiace.—The Manchester papers state, that in consequence of the refusal of the Vicar of Leigh to marry any one who cannot repeat the catechism, or who has not been confirmed, or become a regular communicant, marriages have ceased to be solemnised at the parish church, at which previously nearly 200 marriages were solemnised ; not a single marriage having taken place at Leigh Church during the quarter from June to September.” To require submission to an examination in theology of candidates for marriage, must rather tend to promote morality in the manufac- turing districts. It is fortunate that there are some churches where lovers may be united without being obliged to repeat their catechism. How would such a requisition work in “high life?’ What would be the effect, as matri statistics, if the Bisnor or Lonpox, or whoever 1s t ron, would promote the Vicar of Leigh to St. George’s, Hanover Square ? National Compliments. (By our Discontented, Uninformed, Stupid Correspondent.) Tue French certainly understand the art of paying compliments. At the time of the French Revolution—we mean, at least we think, for we cannot be sure, but we imagine it was the last one—the word “ Royal” was altered on all the public buildings to “National.” Thus the “ Palais Royal” was changed into “ Palais National;” the “ Académie Royale” into “Opéra National ;” and so on, all throughout Paris. This change, it may not be generally known, was effected out of compliment to the National newspaper, by whose influence, it will be recollected, the Revolution was principally effected. We wonder when an English | news r will have a similar compliment paid to it ?—not until, we are afraid, there is, in such matters, a very great Revolution in England! ROMANCE FOR A ROTTEN BOROUGH! (To be sung by the Free and Independent Voters of St. Albans.) Wart, Jacos! wait, till again united Then all the vows we boldly plghited, *n all the vows we 1 Abjuring — 4 , Will, there ’s much ground to fear, be slighted, And we shal! part from thee. Fare thee well! fare thee well! fare thee well ! We soon shall be orying with sorrow, Jacos Bett! Jacos Bett! Jacos Beis! | Ah! Disfranchisement waits us to-morrow — Jacos Bet! Mate, mute, and dumb, as Death’s cold valley, Will be that tuneful scene ; We need not call it Sovereign Alley, Where those sweet hours have been, When we were wont to shilly-shally Two candidates betw Jacos Bett! Jacos Bett! Jacos Bet! Unable on either to settle, Fare thee well! fare thee well! fare thee well ! Till we heard the sweet chime of thy meta’, Jacos Bei! Fare thee well! mone the recent “improvements,” we have to notice the introduc- some of the metropolitan omni- buses. plan is certainly a good one for beguiling many a weary hour, that would otherwise hang heavily upon the passengers of some of those loitering vehicles, am phy short Journeys, and very long stoppages. It is not a bad dodge to put a book into the hands of an individual, who, by getting interested in the conteuts of a volume, forgets to ask the conductor when he means to go on—a query that often leads ch tness to mu . We have had Reading for the Rail—some of which, by the way, seems adapted for railway sleepers—but we did not expect that literature would so soon find its way into our street conveyances, and turn every | omnibus into a vehicle for knowledge. No doubt some enterprising | publisher will speedily be found to bring out a series of works espe- cially adapted for the use of omnibus travellers, and we would suggest the following as a few with which to try the experiment :— An Abridgment of the Crescent and the Cross; for the use of the omnibuses from Charing Cross to Burton Crescent. | Lives of the Chancellors ; for the use of Cuancettor’s Chelsea con- | veyances, | Butiter’s Geography ; as a Companion to every Atlas. | Perexsporry's A-bridge-ment ; for the line in connexion with the | London Bridge Railway Station. | Should the prpetice of reading be introduced into the metropolitan cabs, we should have no hesitation in recom ing that every water- | man should be supplied with a complete copy of Rawk, and that every . | passenger hiring a cab should be entitled to the perusal of Lanpwen’s | Cab-inet Cyclopedia. j Professor Palmerston. A Faenxcu paper, taking up Lorp Patmenstow’s expression of “judicious bottle-holding,” accuses him of being “an eminent Pro- fessor of the Art du Bore.” We never heard of his Lordship putiing on the gloves in public, excepting in a political sense; nor are we ex- actly aware that he is in the habit of figuring in the Ring, unless, per- chance, it is the one in Hyde Park ;—but then French papers are always so nuch better informed upon these matters than we are. The on thing in which we can say for certain that Loup Patmenstow excels in Boxing is, in Boxing the Compass of political affairs in Europe, land we hope he may long continue to he an eminent Professor of that 1 “Art du Bore!” voL, XXI. B tion of books and newspapers into | Werte >

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242 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL FUNNY MARKET AND WITTY INTELLIGENCE. UR news from France| has spread a gloom over the Funny Market ; | and the threatened ex- | clusion of French plays | has created a panic the dealers in dramatic stuffs and | small piece-work. As) the burlesque orders | are now in the course of executior, there has been a briskness in the demand for puns of an average quality ; but the supply is limited im consequence of a searcity of the material. The head of a well-known facetious . firm was in the market | all last week, but there | werejvery few bond fide | transactions, and those | were of an insignificant | character. Conundrums were heavy, at a fraction lower than the previous rates, | and several hundredweight of damaged puns changed hands at a small | ‘ imaane | diminution in prices, | | | their paper had scarcely any circulation. that purpose. An order came in during the day for five thousand articles equal to | the following sample :— | “Why is aman who does not bet, as bad as aman that does?| — Because he’s no better.” | The commission was taken by the — firm of Wace & Co., | | at 2iths, which is somewhat under the figure There have been one or *wo small! failures in the Funny Market during the week, but the transactions of the parties were so smail, that Their chief issue had been in conundrums, which could not be answered on their being offered for One of these consisted in a demand— “ Why will there be no reason to make a Tunnel in the neighbour- hood of Islington?’ An attempt was made to meet this demand in the following desperate manner :—“ Because there’s a Holloway there already !” The parties to whom this was offered, refused their acceptance, and an immediate determination to wind up the concern was arrived at. It would have been obviously quite impossible to have gone on, with nothing more solid than this, with which to meet accruing liabilities. An application is to be made immediately for protection, which is really much required, as there is much indignation against those involved in this lamentable failure. RATHER TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. We see advertised some “ Crying Dolls.” We must protest against this new kind of amusement. Just as if the real thing was not enough, but we are to have an addition to an evil, that is already suffi- ciently “crying” in every household. We wish the inventor of this new toy (which might be called “the Disturber of the Peace of Private Families”) to be woke up regularly in the middle of the night, for the next twelve months to come, by one of his own “Crying Dolls,” and then he will be able to see how he likes it! Let one of the Dolls, also be “Teething;” for we should not be astonished now to hear of “ Teething Dolls,” and “Coughing and Choking Dolls,” with other infantine varieties, and then the punishment of this “monster in human form” will be complete. Dr. Guritotive perished by the instrument he invented. The inventor of the “ Crying Dolls” deserves a similar fate. He should be shut up with all his toys “in full ery,” until, | like Niope, the erying was the death of him, he was turned, by | some offended mythological Deity, into the “great pump,” of which his invention proclaims him to be the effigy. | } | } A Sr. Atsans Elector writes :—“ Pray what is the meaning of the phrase Beut’s Letéres? Which particular members of the alphabet are they?” We believe the Letters in question to be £.3.d. We leave our Correspondent to infer whatever meaning he pleases. Nore ror Santtary Rerorwers.—lIt is probable that the Metro- litan Interments Bil will soon be im’ itself, as it certainly has come a dead letter. PANORAMAS ALL HOT. By way of attracting the public to the very interestin Jerusalem, at Hyde Park Corner, during the very co’ roprietors announce that— “ THE HOLY LAND IS WARMED.” Other Exhibitions will, of course, adopt the same mode of —— the public of protection against the inclemency of the weather ; Panorama of | senson, the we shall be informed, no doubt, that— was ; The Arctic Regions are heated : ; ied with warm-water pipes ; The Falls of Niagara are su The Nile is kept dry with hot air; that The Great Globe is never without several large fires. Of course, during the hot weather, the tone of the advertisement would be necessarily reversed; and instead of stating that provisions have been made for warmth, it might be announced, that— The Arctic Regions are kept cool by a ventilating apparatus; raw and that— A patent refrigerator has been added to the North Pole, for the comfort of the numerous visitors. THE WONDERFUL WHALERS. (See the Bedford U.S. Mercury.) \ YZ at Fatuers of the Oratory, List to my surprising tale, Hearken to a wondrous story More than very like a whale; Each mesmeric marvel-monger, Lend to me your ears likewise ; If for miracles you hunger, You shall ope both mouth and eyes. In the ship Adan Alexander, Cruising in pursuit of whales, Bold Jouw 8. Destots, Commander, With a crew so gallant, sails. In the South Pacific Ocean, Reaching to the Off Shore Ground, *Mong the waves in wild commotion,} Several monstrous Whales they found. These two boats did follow after, Larboard boat, and starboard too, And with shouts of glee and laughter, The Leviathans pursue ; When the larboard boat, commanded By the stout First Mate, did soon In a Whale, with force strong-handed, Deeply plunge a sharp harpoon.

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LONDON CHARIVARL PUNCH, OR THE Off the mighty monster started ; Pain and i i gave him cause ; Suddenly he backwards darted, i the boat between his jaws ; Into smithereens he cracked it ; Who'bebeld the t G) thing transacted, Bits no bigger than a chair ! In the starboard boat, the Captain Quickly to the rescue struck, And, although the bark was snapt in Pieces, saved the crew—by luck. Now the good dna Alexander To their aid the waist-boat sent ; Half the band then having manned her, At the Whale again they went. Soon the ocean-giant nearing, They pre to give him fight, Little thinking, never fearing, That the beast again would bite. But without their host they reckon’d; At their boat he also flew ; Like the first he served the second, Snapped it into pieces too. Sure his jaws, together clapping, the gallant seamen crushed ; But, when they perceived him snapping, Straight into the sea they rushed. To afford the help they needed, Bold DeBLots repaired again ; Once more, also, he succeeded In the aim to save his men. Tired, perhaps, of sport renewing, To their ship this time they hied, When, behold, the Whale pursuing, With his jaws extended wide. Gloating with revenge, he sought ’em ; But, with blubber pierced, and gored, was crippled, or had caught ’em ; But they all got safe on board. Risk the heroes little cared for ; Speedily they set their sail In the ship herseif—pre for One more tussle with the Whale. Now they reach’d him—plunged a lance in The infuriate monster’s head ; Then—of conrse they had no chanee in Close encounter—onward sped. For the ship they saw him making, But the ase he soon gave o’er, Which the animal forsaking, Down on him again they bore ; Fifty rods below the water There they saw the monster lie ; So, despairing him to slaughter, hey resolved no more to try. At this time, Des iors was standing Sternly on the larboard bow, | Ready, with harpoon his hand in, To inflict a deadly blow : : Up he saw the monster rising, mt lot and power, | the rate of s: surprising Of full fifteen knots an hour’ | | | JOHN BULL, TAKE CARE OF YOUR POCKETS, Tae United States seem to be getting united into one state, which is likely to be a state of bankruptcy. The model republic is so fond of | freedom, that America takes every opportunity of throwing off its bonds; and in repudiating its bonds, it repudiates the liability to pay the interest. New Orleans has just joined the repudiating fraternity, in conse- quence of the municipal authorities having got up a quarrel, as certain parties sometimes get up a fight, to give an opportunity of picking the pockets of the bystanders. Until the authorities have settled their dis- putes, they will not think of settling their debts; and as the Americans owe remain as a standing obligation, which they are not disposed to cance]. We have heard much of the banks of Ohio; but the bank of 1.0. U. is that which appears to be most in character with the transactions on the other side of the Atlantic. owe everything to England, they appear desirous of letting what they | a ‘ cata

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PUNCH, OR THE SSS . SSS ~ i ‘win | SIN NNN ~ ‘3 . = Ry f HL yh hh .. ’ ays * iy ; a @ Ss { Di UL as \ SF ca EY 1 = bie LM yy i Nig RO - = = , = a ee. =~ ——————— —— A HORRIBLE BUSINESS. Master Butcher.“ Dip rou Take Op Mason Dumsiepore’s Riss Boy. “ Yes, Sir.” Master Butcher. “Taew, cot Miss Wicetzs’s Suoutper anp Neck, anp wane Mr. Foopie’s Lees TILL THEY ’RE QUITE TENDER! ” “OLD PAM,” ALIAS “THE DOWNING STREET PET,” (THE WELL-KNOWN JUDICIOUS BOTTLE-HOLDER.) Ly presenting our readers with a portrait of this celebrated sporting character, we have no intention of going into a detailed account of his nny pe in the Diplomatic ring. He may be strictly called “a veteran;” but he has been such a remarkably steady man, and, thanks to this, is still so fresh, and in such good preservation, that no one would think of clapping on his head more than two-thirds of the sixty-seven years he carries with so much | pluck and liveliness. “Op Pam,” as he is affectionately called by the nobs of the Fancy, with whom he is deservedly a great favourite, entered the ring in the | - old milling times, when a fight was a fight, and no mistake. | WEY the bruiser was still open to fight all the world, any weight, size, | LONDON CHARIVARI. THE TYRANTS OF THE CAB-STAND. A powERruL sensation has been created in the Metropolis by the announcement of a panic having seized upon a would-be public benefactor, who, having announced his intention to start some cabs at sixpence a mile, was for some time deterred by the threats of a selfish whipocracy, consisting of men of that particular rank, known as the cab-rank. We must confess we always thought there was a d of unnecessary | nervousness in the mind of that man who could | be intimidated by the idea that his horses would be maimed in their stables, his drivers murdered in the public streets, and his innocent fares mas- sacred in the midst of a sixpenny drive in the | Metropolitan thoroughfares. We do not anticipate any further mischief from the establishment of sixpenny cabs, than an increased interchange of that “chaff” which forms the circulating medium of the intellectual resources of the cab-driving community. We are aware that anything new in the shape of a public conveyance turns every opposition vehicle into a vehicle of abuse; but we must be prepared to stand a few personal allusions, for the sake of a beneficial change, until it ceases to be a novelty —when even a cabman will grow tired of making insulting comments. As the Protectionist party has nearly dwindled away, we might suggest a reinforcement by a coalition with the Protec- tionist cabmen, which would at least introduce the element of vigour that is so much required. | A Pleasant Neighbour. | Amone the new publications recently adver- |tised in France is “ The Criminal History of the English Government, from its Massacre of the Irish to its Poisoning of the Chinese.’ This must be an entertaining volume, and would, at all events, possess one charm for the English reader—the charm of novelty. One who Will Swallow anything. Srvce the performance of the Boa Constrictor | in swallowing the blanket, Ma. Ferranp has written it a letter full of compliments, saying “ he has had great pleasure in enrolling it as a | member of the Woor-Leacue.” e€ poor reptile has not been well since the receipt of the letter. to No. 12?” combining with the neat sharp countering of the Canniye school, a good deal of the straight-forward go-in-and-win-style, which never fails to insure a man backers in England. It is not, however, as a fighting man, but as a second, and still more | as a bottle-holder, that Pam is distinguished. He is great in arranging the preliminaries of a mill, though some have complained that there is a good deal of bounce about him, and that as a backer he is not to be trusted, being apt to desert his own man at the last moment, and hedge. [t was no doubt a good deal owing to Pam’s services that the “‘ Constan- | tinople Slasher” (whom Pam both backed and acted as bottle-holder to) | gained his victory over “Old Egypt” in 1840; when “ Little Thiers,” who did the needful in the same way for “ Old Egypt,” was such a loser, that he quite lost his temper in the field, and wanted to make a match to fight Pam in the same ring. However, Pam never lost his good- | humour with the little fellow, whose tendency to chaff was well known; | and nothing serious ever came of it. ’ 7. ; Pam was very busy in 1547, arranging the preliminaries of a mill | between Jounny Buu and the late Lewis Purtirps, on the occasion or odds, and Paw made his bow in St. Stephen’s, the Tennis Court of | of the latter entering into a match with “The Don,” contrary to his | those days, just after Bowgy’s great mill with “the Prussian,” which }engagement with Jonnny. Many, however, thought that neither he | came off in Austerlitz Fields, and on the event of which so much | nor Guizort, who acted as Puriiips’s “ friend” on the occasion, ever | | changed hands. . meant fighting, and that neither one nor the other could have made the | Pam was trained in the sharp fast-hitting school of poor Gores | neces deposits, though they both talked big es Caxwive—that brilliant favourite of the Fancy. The style of this} Pam is always to be found in his own well-known sporting crib in | school, though very showy, was rather deficient in “slogging,” and| Downing Street, where most of the matches and fights to come are punishing qualities, and Pam early showed considerable judgment in| negotiated. Recently there has been a good deal of talk about an

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@ae-'ans - Ea OWE SS Sl ww eee" SS THE “JUDICIOUS BOTTLE-HOLDER ;” Or, Downing Street Pet. “ Buess rou! ir’s aun Caarr—Wown’t come to a Fient. Oxp Nicx’s cot no ConstiTootion—axp ten I’m ’ Botrriz-Ho.peR ON T OTHER sipE, TOO!

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| See a@seseads Sud SSR BNE CO BSE

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL interest, to come off between two well-known | ” and “ Young Europe,” in which both | always hitherto been looked upon | if he has any regard for his own | , will certainly have nothing to ised a rival house. holder, it will be on the right | othe on! Pant in which he can fhiends an ublie. im, unless it . thi ‘beliying men that he thinks can’t wants to get up a mill au character of the man he bac “ Pactrico’s” fight with “the Greek,” the Jew, ‘it was felt ay ae that Pam did not deal quite fairl that though the battle-money was paid over to the Jew, “the eek” would certainly have won, had Pam gone quite “ upon the square.” Asa fed om Pam is a great favourite—great at chaff, sings a Is seen to Stephen’ s, Westminster, where he is the life and soul of the table. and where in the sparring soirées, for which the House is so celebrated “the Downing Street Pet,” with the gloves that ever stepped oecasion of his own benefit, ; his quickness in stopping, | his sharpness in countering, and, above all, his style of getting away | = his worthy "of the best days of the A BEAUTIFUL CLOSING SCENE. UR province is not to deal with melancholy subjects. To brighten, not to dim, the eye; to elevate, not to depress, the angles of the meuth; to excite coneus- sions of the sides, rather than suspiratory move- ments of the chest; to titillate in the ribs, —s than to touch the heart ; our business ; + to adept the f Genius, (supposing itself heaven- born) our Mission. Three- pence — fourpence, stamp inclusive — is more than —y are inclined to for being made miser- a. Few customers would be found for three penn’orth of melancholy. Closing scenes, therefore, are subjects which, for the most part, we eschew. And yet there is one Closing Scene on which we might dilate to the pleasure of many readers, especially some of the gentler sex, to whom such a scene would afford the sight of ahusband’s—a father’s face, for a few short hours, by da: - once in a w besides on Sundays. The Closing Scene to is the scene of Wholesale Warehouses closing at 3 P. m., hich might be managed by letting those employed in them work A up to that hour, instead of dining at one. LOUIS NAPOLEON AT ALL IN THE RING. mn seems as if all the great events of modern history are destined to acted as “ scenes in t in the Champs Elysées, and Astley’s at the foot of Westminster | the world are now being, Lovis Napoteon distributes crosses of the in oy Parisian Cirque, just as his the sawdust of Astiey’s. Both establishments possess an interest far beyond the mere acts of for which they were originally somewhat no hae when their ipal arena is ordinarily an arena It must be said for ourselves, that in England we are A. = Los in which the great events of national interest actually tab place; but it will be long before | the chief of our ss ing. he circle” of an equestrian establishment. The Grvce are the two localities te which the great historical dramas of illustrious uncle—m rte person of Gomersal—made field-marshals amid por nd and, in fact, history and politics must have come down to a cal Sve tte demain versions of history at our Amphitheatres; while oes is nnd adde oe public from the “ ring,” as the President Vor(e)aRIEs OF Maxnox.—The Electors of St. Albans. at he certainly is great advantage at the harmonic ordinary i in | ” | priv ite his seven-and- sixty summers, is still | | LITERARY INTELLIGENCE. (Exc.ustve.) Awxtors to maintain our supremacy as the leading literary journal of the day, we are happy to announce that, at an utter recklessness of expense, we have secured the services of an — clairvoyant, with whose prophetic revelations we shall occasi startle the literary world. By means of a aa he has recently invented, Sam Wrus's great ocular stairs and a 2-inch deal bea wil be reaihiy walls of Grub Street become — | Palace itself. Indeed, it is y and | fen th qualities of the instrument the heads, as well as the houses, | $0 tha no not merely their actual doings, but | mentions also, will be clearly visible to voyant.” We shall thus be enabled baw meri puffs of the newspapers; i i ileged readers with a frequent insight into the middle of the iterary next week. Our readers must have a little terials = Popes Ti “e lan indulgence cannot be ligh j obviously, childish to expect that so novel an appliance of mechanism should be reduced to perfeet working order, as at | rolling-pin, or cne of the stereotypical hippodramas Seller's. may, however, state, by way of whale-tub to the eurious, that we were | interesting experiments were effected, with a success that encourages us to hope our fullest expectations soon be realised. For the pass. we must content ourselves with laying before our readers a rief statement of the facts already elicited as a sample, in some sort, of what they may hereafter expect. the House of a well-known The first experiment we made was upon publisher in Gr—t M—rlb—rgh Streets proof sheets of a new novel by the Author of similarly entitled, Rooksrocke ; while, at am positors were busily employ ed in setting ap rhe Bricks ; a Tale of Ideal Tape nduce, no owt, by the very favourable aw to The Livingstones. e also thought we perceived, in the hands of one of the attendant aio of the a new historieal ~—. : an France as it sed fo rae—probaly emanating from the e, somew well-stoeked preserves ; but. all we could fish out here was The whose wake it is probably intended to follow. A peep at No. 22, Albemarle Street, ever, proved decidedly more fortunate. Besides a whole host of tricoloured additions to the shelves of our circulating libraries (of whieh we shall omly notice The Spermaceti , as being, we think, a gross upon The Amber Witch), our telescope distinetly revealed the accepted M.S. of a Pamphlet, quaintly entitled, “* And Betty Martin :” a Sequel to“ Ali my Hye ;” which our readers will have no difficulty in aseribing to the same eccentric hand, or rather invited to a trial of its powers the other day, when several highly | our mental eye to the small extremity of the instrumems, we — iscerned the | , the com- | Powe ay | Se live ot a of ~ Ma. B—nrti—y’s generally a small duodecimal fraction of Ma. Henman Metvunte’s Whale; in | head, to which we are indebted for the Buddies that burst upon us a | few years since, as well as the Stokers and Pokers that have sub- | sequently made such a stir in literary circles. We next popped in, like a mesmeric Pav Pry, upon the Messne. | L—NGM—wn’s establishment ; but, although we strained our telescopic eyesight to the utmost, we regret, to say we could discover no signs of Mr. Macavtay’s Third at present. It is needless to add, that on leaving these great “‘Leviathans of the Row,” numerous shoals of small five-shilling fry golden sides proclaimed them of the ordinary shall not waste our valuable space in more aa oe ya he as the newspapers will so soon save us the trouble. We ma well just mention, however, that we see no prospect as yet American sequel to The Oricket on the Hearth, Hockey on the Hobbs. ' we encountered | Ses sn backs the title of The From this slight prospective sketch, our readers will see they need | fear no lack of literary novelty this Christmas, if our telescopic prognostications be verified. reputation, we hope they may. Moles Indigesta. And, for the sake of our prophetic | Tere is no truth in the report that Count Motz has any idea of | joining the Republican party in Paris. Though the Count occupies a high position, he wishes the distinetion to be preserved between the Conservative Mole bill and the Socialist Mountain. “ Att 1s Lost Now! "—Ma. Duwvr, who formerly “ pot a banker,” compares his late balance to “ linked sweetness—ilong drawn out.” | } \ |

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

MRS. BAKER’S PET. Scere 2.—Tux Pet’s Finst Nicut m wis New Home. Piaee—The Dining-Room at No, 6, Blossom Terrace, Bayswater. Time—5, rm.

Mrs. Baxer is awaiti from the City—wit husband, The table is laid for dinner, A ring is Enter Mary. Mary. Please, ’M Mrs. Baker. Oh yes! it’s a dog I bought to-day. PPE Tam , it’s a man with a dog; he says he’s to wait. Ask him to bring it in. a= aa (4d —_—Js (Ati Aited a ae, % ei a — —<— Fe heh tet FE \ i N y : ’ ; {

Mary (at the door, to Mx. Cuirriss, outside). If you'll step this way. SS the arrival of Scar from Regent Street, and of Mx. B. | more anxiety, it must be confessed, for the dog than t ard at the back door. he Eater Mx. Cutrrtns, bringing in with him a strong smell of dog, and anise-seed. He carries Scamp under his arm, Jorelock respectfully. Mrs. Baker, Oh! you’ve brought the dog. I think. l Mr. Chifins, Thankee, Marm. It’s giving on him away. He pauses on the door-mat, and touches his (Releases Scame, who instantly takes refuge between his legs, and growls at Mars. B. in the most unprovoked and bitter manner. Mrs. Baker. Good dog, good dog ' fe—ll—ow ! Oe: eoinuate Mr. Chiffins. B's a - Marm; but they ’rea we: they takes, spannels is. No Mrs. Baker. How can you, man? Here, poor fellow! poor fellow! Mx. Cutrriws) | did mean to have ordered you some beer, but I shall not do so, consequence of your brutality. Mr. Chifins, Bless you, Marm, one must be sharp with them, nows and thens. | you know. r. He couldn't abide to part with me, if | made much on ’im, pretty cretur ! Mrs. Baker (appeased). Well, that’s true. Here, glass of ale re ” : P -—~ Scamp, Samet peor Biow! poor _[nsinuatingly. Scamp continues his hostile demonstration, . . at ‘ ' | eiiesticdete dame whats have a design on his caloes—uneasily). Yes, yes! but 1 must w, then, a’done, will yer—and go to the lady, can’t yer? (Untroduces him to Mus. B. by a sharp kick, which Mrs. B. feels keenly. him anywhere; but 1 think we’d better let him get used (Sternly to | to us first before we put him out. in Mary, give this good man a \ | | Mr, Chifins (touching his forelock again). Thankee, Marm, and I wish you joy on | and scraps ‘im. And if ever e’s lost, Marm, wich it ain’t likely—but one never | veh he. 'T’ll thank you for a little gravy, my dear B. (Ma. Baker ss | | | | land I can’t a-bear ’em.

It was to be twenty-five shillings, | (Produces her purse, and pays the money. | | lcome to me, Marm, Jem Canzerse, Two of the white dinner-plates gose! Kensal New Towu, Padd’ngton; and I dessay I shall him for yer, someo.#s or another. [ds Mr. Currrivs retires, Scamp makes a violent rush | a him, = ong kicks him hn 1 ie ining-room. Scamp indulgesin a é of blended grief and pain. ” Mrs. Baker (much moved by this display of feeling in the animal), Poor fellow! did it ery after its master? There, then—here, good dog! (Scamp retreats under a remote article of furniture, | and howls in a subdued manner, obstinalely refusing to meet Mas. Baxer’s advances. Mus. Baker | consoles herself by the reflection, that he certainly is | a dog of very strong affections, and commences a vigorous course of é , 0 which Scamp makes no response beyond alternate whining and growling. The clock in the Lobby strikes half-past five. Mrs. Baker. Half-past. Baker will be home directly. (Rings the Bell. Enter Marv. Mrs. Baker. You may te!l Cook to dish the dinner. (Exit Many, leaving the door open behind her. Mr. Baxenr’s latch-key is heard in the lock, followed by his step in the Lobby. As he closes the door | behind him, Scamp rushes out from his retreat, and planting himself in the Dining-room doorway, com- mences an infuriated assault of barks and springs, meant for the inoffensive and astonished Baken, bud which have all the appearance of being directed against Mary, who is entering at the moment with the dinner-plates. Many drops the plates, smash- ing two, and begins screaming. Scamp excited by the row, redoubles his barks, and bounds to and fro upon the door-mat. Mr. Baker ( faintly heard through the tumult). What the devil ’s all this? Whose is that dog? Mrs. Baker (to Scamp). Be quiet, Sir—lie down, there’s a good dog! How dare you, Scame! lie down this instant ! Mr. Baker (seizing an umbrella from the stand, makes a wild blow at Scamp, who retires terror-stricken under his remote article of furniture). What the deuce is that dog®* (To Many, sharply.) What are you shaking at, you silly goose?

Mary (agitated). Oh! it was the dog jump at me— Mrs. Baker. It’s the new dog, my dear, that I bought to-day. You know you said it was very unsafe, with the buildings going on all about, and that fair near Notting Hill, and I thought we had better have a house-dog. Mr. Baker (impatiently). Well! weli! have a house-dog ; but let him be kept in the yard. Mrs. Baker. Oh! he’s strange, yet, but he’ll soon know us, and then he ’ll be quite a companion for me while you ’re in the City. Mr. Baker (who is of a peace-loving disposition and punctual habits, cashier to a City bank, and usually submissive in his home). Very well, my dear, "ve no objection; only | must protest against being worried in this way, every time [ come into my own house. , Mrs. Baker. Oh! that won’t occur again, I’m sure. Here, Scamp, speak to master, there ’s a good dog! (Scamp, who is accessible to kindness after all, gradually ventures the fore part of his person from under the article of furniture, and begins a close and suspicious observation of Mx. and Mas. Baxgr, which, at last, } emboldens him to walk round Mn. Baker, and smell | his boots very curiously, to the great delight of Mas. Baker. "y* Mrs. Baker. There—you see, my dear, he’s quite friendly already. What a very intelligent eye he has! Mr. Baker (who is not quite sure whether Scame may not

say I think he would be better in the yard. Mrs. Baker, Ou! when once he us, we may keep Mr. Baker. Very well, my dear; and now do let’s have dinner, for it’s getting on for six, and I can’t bear to wait, (Mas. Baxer rings for dinner. The meal is placed on the table, and proceeds in the usual way. Mrs. Baker (who has been assiduously putting aside bones during her meal, now adds potatozs and bread).

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| Very tenderly.) Oh, you

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

please. (Presents the plate with the| mess intended for Scamp.) Here, Scamp, = fellow, come here ! Mr. Baker. Now, my dear, you ’d really better not feed the dog here— | ’s a nasty habit. I can’t bear having) . Baker (insidiously). Ob, my dear, he’s strange, you know, now ; | when he knows us, they can feed him imthe kitchen, = eee Aenea conn inte Hi, Housing the greater the contents om the carpet, and then selecting Sime Lovin oo off bo the contre of the hearth rep, and commences it, with the aid of his fore-paws. ; Mr. Baker (sharply), Row, look at the dirty beast, greasing the

hearth It’s really very nasty (/estily). ‘Mire, Baker ‘eaahngy Weil, oo dear, he’s strange now. We'll) teach him better when he knows us a little. : [Scamp, having his bone bare, returns to the plate, and begins scattering the contents under the table, in an apparent embarrass- ment between morsels of nicely-balanced attractiveness. Mr. Baker. Now, there, all under the table—fat, and potatoes, and things: one won't be able to walk across the room without treading it into the carpet. Mrs. Baker (to the old tuae). Oh, my dear, he’s strange, you know. dog, to spill the things on the carpet. (Scamp pauses, to look Mus. Baxen in the face, and wags his tail gratefully.) 1 declare he seems getting quite attached already. Do look, my dear—he’s wagging his tail, I declare. Mr. (between has teeth). Dirty beast! (He perceives that Mrs. Baxer, absorbed in the dog, has quite forgotten the duties of the dinner- table.—Sternly.) Are you going to help that pudding, Mas. Baker ? Mrs. Baker. Ob, I beg your pardon, my love (helps him.— Musingly.) I suppose he won’t eat sweet pudding ? vA Baker (puts down his fork violently, for him). Really, my dear, | must insist on your not — the experiment. [Dinner proceeds and concludes—much interrupted by Mus. BakeEr’s viva voce studies of canine character.

Enter Mary, to take away. Mr. Baker (whose dinner has not been a great success), And Pet bring in a dust-pan and a broom, and sweep up the mess that dog’s been making under the table.4 * > * * * [4 lapse of four hours; during which Mn. Baxen, after several attempts to read, which have been utterly defeated by Mas. | Bakenr’s conversation with Scamp, has given himself up to a| snooze in his arm-chair, leaving Mus. Baker (¢o a téte-a-téte with her four friend, which has been amazingly successful

in all but Mus. Baxer’s efforts to kindle an enthusiasm on the sulject of the dog in Mr. Baxen, like that which she is already giving fearful way to. Mr. Baker (waking up). Well, my dear, 1 think it’s about time for Rings.) bed. ( Enter Many, with bed-candles. Mr. Baker (taking his candle), Are you coming, my dear ? Mrs. Baker (pausing). Directly, my love. By-the-bye, about the dog —I suppose you wouldn’t like him to sleep in our bed-room ? Mr. Baker (breaking out, and peremptorily), Certainly not; I’ll put him out into the yard. Mrs. Baker. (nto the yard! Oh! Mr. Baker! on sucha night as this, and while he’s strange to the place, too! Oh! it’s cruel; it really is quite cruel ! 5 m3 Me. Baker (in a tone that admits of no argument). 1 insist upon it, my | dear. In fact, I won’t allow of his staying in-doors—he can go into | the knife-house, if he’s cold. Come here, you brute! (He roughly seizes | the unhappy Scame by the neck, and proceeds to carry his intentions into execution.) Mrs. Baker (to herself). Well! I never thought Mr. Baxen a hard- hearted man, before. “She retires in a saddened mood. « * | * . * * (A lapse of three-quarters of an hour. Scene changes to the Bed- room of Mz. and Mus. Baxer. Mrs. Baker (in bed, and after a long interval of silence, during which the sulject has been fermenting in her mind). Yes, Mx. Baker, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself, turning that poor dumb animal out of the house into the cold ! (At prolonged howl heard under the window, which looks on the back- yard, shows that Scamp is of the same way of thinking. } Mr. Baker. \t’s that d—d dog. | Mrs. Baker. Serves you right, Mn. Baxrr ! | How! repe through every note of the canine gamut, | Mr. Baker (turning restiessly over, and drawing the counterpane over | his ears). Confound the noisy brute ! (Scamp runs up and down the howling scale, winding up with a pro- | longed shake in © above the line. * * * * A lapse of several| system were to hours, during which Mn. Baxen’s broken slumbers are made‘ required. miserable by the continuous and agomising — victim, rom 5

WHAT’S THE USE OF THE GAZETTE? Somzzopy has lately asked the question, whether there is any par- tiewlar use in continuing that celebrated periodical called the Gazette ? which it is itted, on all hands, that nobedy ever looks into. As a newspaper, it may be worth preserving, as ® curiosity im these days; for a journal without leading articles, without reviews, without dramatic notiees, without accidents or without reports, and, indeed, without everything in the shape of i or instruction, is to the newspaper press what Hamiet, with the part of Hamiet \eft out, is to the drama. The Editor of the London Gazette must be a very remarkable indi- vidual; and, indeed, we know of no journal, except our old friend, Lloyd's List, that can be at all put in competition with it. The literary stalf of Lioya’s List do occasionally get an opportunity of showing what they can de with the pen, for they are suffered now and then to grow eloquent upon the state of the wind; but the corps of the London

aes Gazette can never be permitted to make a remark on any subject | whatever. If the publication is to be continued, we think something ought to | be done to render it amusing; and we would sugaest, aman os t a man shou the B should be done in blank verse; permitted to declare his insolvency in a song, or that a lively duet, | with original music, should be the medium of announcing a dissolution of partnership. Uniess something is done to give vitality to the London Gazette, it must eventually die away ; for a journal, with nobody to write it, and nobody to read it, is an anomaly in li exist in the present advanced state of society. OUR CITY AND OUR COALS. terature which cannot long | As coals supply the wherewithal for the civie improvements, it is | not, perhaps, too much to say, that the Corporation’s new buildin will be rubbishing affairs; seeing that the principal material to employed in their construction will be Wall’s End. The Great Fire of London stands every chance of being repeated ; for, instead of renderi would enable them to do, the City authorities are rearing their edifices out of coals. Within a circle extending twenty miles round London, the ery is, that the City Barge is a mere coal-barge, and ought to be scuttled. It is also loudly declared that the brightest jewel in the crown of the City monarch is a black diamond. their architecture fire-proof, as modern seience | n fine, the general opinion is, that the Lomp Mayor and Aldermen — must be called over the coals. Don't do it Again. WE understand the hackney and job interest in the Celestial Empire would oppose any proposition for railways, on the ground that if the > siento there would be no Co(a)ch-in-China

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Cavalry Officer (who rides about five stone). “I's poocen Gran wear | m the Heavies; armw’t vou, Cuantey? Ir woutp se « norrip Bore To} BE SeNT ovT To THE Care Like THOSE Foor Licut Bons.”’ * ; * Light Dragoons.

THE REIGN OF TERROR IN WESTMINSTER HALL. It will soon be necessary to add a policeman to the more dignified paraphernalia of practice attached to the Superior Courts in West- minster Hall. In every case where plaintiff and defendent are ex- amined, there is almost certain to be contradictory evidence ; and as the jury cannot decide in favour of both, the unhappy individual who fails | in getting a verdict, is at once packed off to the Quveen’s Prison for | perjury. Of course, if there should be a new trial, and a new jury should happen to give a new verdict, the unsuccessful party in the second action would share the fate of the unsuccessful party in the first action ; and plaintiff and defendent may both find themselves under a charge of perjury. It is true enough that one must be wrong, but then the other must be right; and until it is reducible to a moral certainty, | which is wrong and which is right, a committal for perjury may fall to the lot of an innocent man. Juries are not infallible in their estimate of the value of evidence, though it is certainly their sole province to decide upon it, and the jeter can only be guided by the verdict in presuming where the perju es. Their Lordships are bent pretty earnestly on testing the “working” of the new ‘law, which seems Tikely to cause a good deal of additional working at the Central Criminal Court. ly a day passes, during the sittings at Nisi Prius, on which some unfortunate party to a civil suit is not packed off to the Queen’s Prison—unless sureties are at hand—on a criminal charge. _ The judicial practice lately entered upon is energetic; but we fancy it is somewhat new, for when conflicting testimony p ed from the mouths of ordinary witnesses, it was not, we think, usual to convict for rjury the witness, against the tenor of whose evidence a verdict may ave been returned. Westminster Hall is already pretty barren of business; but we may ex a further diminution r the new) orem: for no man, who not the fullest confidence in the infal- | libility of a jury, will run the risk of being put into a witness-box, though he has the fullest desire to speak the truth. COURT GRAMMAR. ConstpEeRIne the attention paid to science and education by the | highest personages in the realm, we think that similar respect should be shown by those about the Court to the ordinary rules of grammar. We |fear there isa little laxity in these matters some of the Court functionaries}, and we have a great deal by the following | : copy Of a letter from one of the equerries of Her Majesty, which is exposed in the window of a West End pastry-cook : “ Ma. is commanded by the Queen to thank Maz. M‘Iwrras for the cake of gingerbread, baked by his own hands, which accompanied his letter.” Now, according to this intimation, it appears that Mz. M‘Iwrrne’s own hands possess all the baking properties of an oven, and that such hands, being curiosities in their way, he has actually sent them for inspection to Hen Masesty. Such is the only interpretation that can, consistently with the rules of grammar, be put u the equerry’s phrase, “his own hands which accompanied bi ” We could understand a man’s forwarding his happened to wear cork instead of real; but we have never moveable hands as belonging to anything but a clock, and we call upon Mx. M‘Iwrrar to lay his hand upon his heart and tell us how the letter of the equerry can be accounted for. We have heard of people turning off old hands and taking on new, but we cannot understand such a feat with the hands as has been attributed to the ingenious confectioner.

THE POLICEMAN’S HOME. Ur courts and round palaces long they may roam, But ancient policemen have no sort of home To offer them shelter, and comfort, and care, The curbstone no more when their highlows can wear. Home! home! they ’ve no home : For poor old Policemen there’s no place like home! The Great Exhibition a surplus has stored ; And surely its funds could a trifle afford, That body to help im their age and distress, Who did such a Beal to achieve its success. Home! &c.! The World’s might have been like a Donnybrook Fair, In case the Police had not managed there ; A sharp look-out keeping, for ruffians and knaves, Who wisely stopp’d out of the way of their staves. Home ! &c. Our Force, too, whose gallantry, sorely malign’d, Is fancied to areas and kitchens confined, Behaved with such mingled attention and grace, They charm’d all > 5 went to the place. ome! &c. Karte talks quite in raptures, and Emtty. bay Of these pinks of courtesy—pinks, though in blue— They call them—could damsel say more of a knight ?— The dear Police, who were so kind and polite. Home! &c. They tell us how promptly would Z., X., or A., Inform them, direct them, or show them the way : When tired, bring them chairs ; call their cab from the stand, Or take them safe over the road by the hand. Home! &c. Then let a snug Station await Life’s decline, When once sturdy fists must their truncheons resign ; And ere his worn frame is consign’d to the loam, Oh, grant the Policeman a few years of home! Home! home! short, short home ! Let worn-out Policemen have some place like home !

An Old Maid’s Question. We see there is an “ Aytwat Assurance Socrery.” This must be & prosperous concern, if, amongst the animals whose lives are q it numbers many Cats, as it is very well known that every Cat has nine lives. Consequently, an Old Maid, who wanted to insure the lives of eight dearly-beloved Toms, would have to pay for seventy-two policies— unless the Society consented to make a slight reduction upon its taking so large a quantity.

A Recxtzss Wretcu insults us with the following :-—“ Why’s the Brighton Coach like a negro’s fist >—Because it ’s a forrin’ hand” We shall submit the matter to the Police. b cels’ deliv if he <: ‘heard of |

Printed by William 8 ot Ro. t Ww radbury, 01 ‘3, Upper Wooers im the Parten of St. and a Lombard Strert, in the Place, Paneras, Prederick Mullett Evans, of No 7, Churen Row, Stoke Newington, both in the’ of Middlesex, Printers. at their of Whirefr'ars, im the City of London. aud Published by them at No. %, Fleet Street, in the Pariah of St. Ly jh Deeem er Sth. | 3).

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PUNCH, OR TI

THE MODERN GODIVA. I warren for a Dean Street lecturer ; I sat among the nutshells in the pit, Watching the table and the water-bottle ; And shaped a modern legend into this. Not only we, the tyrants of the world— We men, that for the flying of their wheels, Cry down the passed and passing omnibuses When we cross streets—have loved our trousers well And loathed to see them oversplashed ; but she Did more, and underwent, and overcame ; The woman of a thousand miles away, Ametia, wife to that grim Colonel, who Was ris far West; for, when the drapers brought Their bills for dress and fixings for his wife, He laid his heels upon the mantelpiece, And said: “ You critters, if I pay, darn me!” She sought her lord and found him, where he spat Before the fire, inverted and alone. His boots six feet above him, and his hair A yard behind ; she told bim of her éears, And pleaded: “ If I wear these tucks, they must Go dragging in the mud, and so get torn ; You didn’t ought to have your dander ris By such as these.” —* Then cut ’em off,” he said - “TI guess you won’t do that.”—“ Alas!” she said, “ But prove me what it is I would not do.” Then, riled as rough as any ‘coon, he said “ You walk in trousers thro’ our city, an I'll pay it, slick!” and then expectorating, He whittled, as in scorn, his rocking-chair. Then fled she to her dressing-room, and there Untied the knotted shackles of her form— The E= man’s gift—and severed one full breadth ; Nor lingered ; looking like a semi-man, Half clad in skirts ; anon she shook her dress, ' And shower’é the flowing flounces to her knee. . . + * * Then she walk’d forth, clothed on with pettiloons : The loafers stared upon her as she walk'd ; And all the while she scarcely breathed for fear. The little foul-mouth’d boys along the street Had cunning eyes to see the unwonted ankles ; But she through all bore up, till last she saw A rush of cabs come thick from off the stand ; So she rode back, clothed on with pettiloons. > . . A Vowear Yanxerisu.—A Yankee Catholic is so fond of a winking Mapowwa over there, that he calls her a “ canvass-backed duck !!”

ONDON CHARIVARL

THE THOMPSON. TESTIMONIAL, Ricuarp THomrsoy is a man of whom we should say, that he has well deserved of the commonwealth, because he has started sixpenny cabs, and thereby reduced the common expenditure twenty-five per cent. The idea of a Tuompson Testimonial naturally presents itself as o tribute due to a great public benefactor; and a statue of the hero, mounted on his box, would at once confer a graceful compliment on him, and an elegant ornament on the M is, if placed on the enta-

| |answer the purpose; to blature of Hyde Park Gate, opposite to the Burton Arch, where it would match admirably with the equestrian figure of the Duxs of W e.iiwerton. | Expense, however, is the wet blanket which envelopes the ideal |seulpture. The present of a whip has been proposed ; but in the opinion | | of most people, the whip would be more deservedly given to the extcr- tionate insolent rascals, whom THompsow, it is to hoped, will run |down. On the whole, we believe that a Sixpenn testimonial will best quietly presented a ride in one of | Mz. Tuomrson’s vehicles, all the drivers of which will be empowered to | Feceive subscriptions. EFFECT OF THE SUB-MARINE TELEGRAPH. We have received a letter (we regret to say an unpaid one) from Boulogne, complaining of what the writer calls our “ indecorous exulta- tion” about the Sub-marine T . He argues, that unpleasant facilities will be given to some for interfering with other people by this invention. “A dreary sea now flows between,” says he, quoting Cotertpes. But soon the mage wire may be made the means of ensnaring the captive, who, under the old state of a could escape to a wild freedom. The lightning flash from a dun d certainly have a thundering effect on the unhappy debtor, and he would | find himself followed, through fire and water, in a very literal manner. Surely, our correspondent does not expect that the progress of science shall be stopped—for fear he himself should be stopped—does he ?

<_ Sm Hi! | = | it,

Trse—Tuesday, Dee, 2, 1861. Old Gent, “Lon Bress ue! Panis in State ov Siece! Wuar, wuen pip taat Harres !” Young Gent. “On! asout Twentr-Five Minures sco.” |= |

Hazardous Descent of Louis Napoleon. Tue other morning—says the Parisian correspondent of the 7imes— “the President of the Republic descended into the streets.” This may be said to be climbing the ladder of ambition the w way. Descents of this kind are not only dangerous in themselves, but they furnish a | precedent to the party of disorder. By-the-by, our French friends | Should not complain of the smoke of ; it is better to have the Blacks descend into the streets than the Reds. QUERY BY CROMWELL’S GHOST. Taz new Kixc or Hayoven has offended the heralds of Germany by laiming himself as Groner V., inasmuch as Hanover has been « Fagden under only three ing monarcus, What will mere milk- and-water Republicans say, when they find a King turning Fifth- Monarchy Man?

VOL, XXI.

cc

an delle: cen rare

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

| I had paid down at the Gate, nay’ » a en ” A A

Seemed hung in Heaven. To Newron’s Eye (As Master of the Mint,) A Splendid, yea ( ‘elestial Shilling ! I was alone, with Nothing to Speak of But Creation! , Yes! Gigantic Noan’s Atk ofttwenty times her tonnage, Lay crouched, and perring, and velvety, and fang About me ! | Cane-coloured tygneee-remopoiied Leopards— Snakes (ab, Curtp!) k interknit—to true love knots Semblable ! Striped de bra -Onager Calcitrant—Common And I- ~~" all were there ! | The bushy Squirrel with his half-cracked Nut, | Slept. The - of Allemagne snored. The Lion’s Cage was hot with heat of blood :

Doves !

In Gardens Zoological and Regent, d !

| I, meditating, sto

Shilling Impartial Moc n, that showed me all!

It is talked of Now! Was talked of Yesterday ! May be muttered to-morrow! What ?— Tue Boa tuat Botrep THe BLANKET. Speckled Eothusiast ! It was full moon’s full moonlight! The Shilling THE BOA AND THE BLANKET. AN APOLOGUE OF THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS.

Oh; the balmof Paradise that came and went! | Did she think of him a bit the less ? | The silver of Eden shooting down the Thoughts crowd upon me—ery move on! trembling strings Of my melodious heart And now I am here; and whether I will or no, | | Down—down to its coral roots ! I feel I’m jolly! ‘ 4 | I dashed: aside the human tear; and—yes—| The cameleons are new and, like the Cabinet, pre myself F (Ofscourse I mean the Whigs,) | With will, drunk from the eyes of Hope, to _— not, when they rise VenerEOe, ase upon the Snake ! Law baal they will wake! The Boa! ! t seems prematurely old : 3 The Python!!! He inte h ideal corrugate with thoughts. The Anaconda!!! ! Ofcakesand oranges given it by bores Alas! in Clianeery now, and paralytic A Boawas there! A Boa’neath Crystal Roof | This iswexy sad. Nownore of it! And — taking the very moonlight in thew | Had hat here sits thie Ape—tite mamy-coloured

Washed tei meek faces. Washed, then Tiiou hast ae hieny with of isceziet | “And so, (1 coulda’t help it) so,” I groaned} ans plus at a ne oe amailitatenct Setsieoneteets tose | And area "Siding and wipimga fresbepeimted raimbow! | —— eee a it is—it ise | enetes T henewned ices je! Dead shred of living thing.thiag:cropped the} Magee Snak e-House-once sonin-Lbtand DreadfuhAse:- And, thoes blestedé feitin. its littiey ME’ Ob’ Hisipt: Mande! TO be comeeived—Oh, ~- Cy paring Away! I'will'not tarry! Let the Boa sleep, Desenbed—Oh, fee Tabbit, that have given bills to destiny, _Kcpereare en tnd erowd — a, eet hs’ | Lhe Boa’s box—with unconcern s ty at three and six months | Not vo the Boa! Look ir 1 (Wek h } | And where the, et | (We know such Weevand rabbits, | In the Boa’s inside: ! The Monster mark ! Let me pass on ! | How hosunioes wrestles with the wool, as And here ’tis cool; nay, even cold joug | Without the Snake-H ' He had withim him rolls and rolls oe | Of choking, ——_ inflnenza,} Tee ioe still glistens, and again I think | That - ins eyes from out their sockets !— O ultitudes who’ve paid 1 stared, and eecy yawned and ceadinel ay — | That will —— out, but mid-way Thecitygmuck worm, who | Seem to strangle! From peacock orient, scarce could tell a cock | Silenee and wonder settle on the crowd ; Of hay ! From — instinetively, and breathless!y, Thongs be ye sure, a gr fro - ~| Ascend two pregnant questions! He knowspand (a: for i rom a guinea-Pig | << Will the boa bolt the blanket? — has his sque ak for ’t! Will the blanket choke the boa? ’— + wie paused the wise, sagacious man, Sueh the problem! probabilities ! Ne. sees the tusk of elephant—the two tusks— And them men mark and deduce And, with a thought, cuts ’em into cubes— Differently. And wth janether thought — another — “ The blanket is England: the Bowthe- Pope, | ovner and Will the Pope disgorge his Bull?” Tells (to fo hinseld) how oft, in twenty years «“ Those spotted squares shall come up sixes ! -_ — i. Rive, Tanti Mb. Gira gorges And this in living elephant ! Is the Bow with plenty stifled.” And Her Mavsesry has trod these Walks, “The Blanket’s Reform to gag the mob, Accompanied And nought to satisfy / | But I, a lofty and an abstract man, Proyce Aubert, | A creature of a higher element, Tae Prince or WatEs, Than ever nourishéd the wood

And Peace in C urtain Ring linked two Ring | By | And still the Moo n looked wondrous like a/ | She saw the Tyger! | Didshe think of Treroo Sarn’s Tyger’s Head Tue Pamcess Roy AL, Ordained for bailot-boxes—I And P | Say nothing; until a Keeper comes to me, and, The Rest of the Royal Children !—| Hooking his fore-finger in-his forehead’s lock, . Says— What ’s your o Sir? 4 | If Boas will bolt Blankets, Boas must - | She saw the Lion! al | ‘Thought she of one of her own Arms ? Mt Snak h upon their why not ?” My heart fluttered as tho’winged from Mereury! | She-did seé see the Unicorn ; but wy eb s cad, why Be L moved—approached the Snake- House ! “My friend,” said I, “Ther Blanket. and the With her gracious habits of condescension) Boa—

Page 257

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIV ARI 253 You will conceiveme—are a type, yes, justa type, Believe this vital truth ; Ever can or ever will, Of this our! | The stomach may take down and digest Reader, I have sung my song The dumb monstrous, tasteless.appetite And sweetly, too, a leg of mutton ; The Boa and the B——, teen new-found star, Of stupid Boa, to"gobble-up for food That would turn at reject Is mine mo ; but the world’s |— ee Ser or. suffocate, One little ball of worsted! ” | Tell =: I sung it? With what My fa "trend ieetherwedl Ofthat one blanket | | On saying this, I turned away ; With note akin to that immortal bard but the baek of one live ve heey. | Feeling adown the small-o’-the back The snow-white Swan of Avon ? And the Boa would bolt’the animal entire, That gentle warmth ‘that waits upon us, when | Or. haply, to that And flourish on. bis meal, transmuting flesh and WE KNOW —Rara avis, bones, We have said a good thing; _ —That has And‘turning them to-healthfal nutriment ! Knowing it better than the vainewarld —“Tried Warren's?” | ‘SLGNS OF THE TIMBS. WILL WATCH IN THE CITY. Wuew a man makes his wife a handsome present, it is a sign they ne name of “Writ Waren, have been quarrelling recently. the Bold Smug- | When a young lady “‘has a very badeold, or else she'd be delighted, gler,” is familiar &c., it is rather a! (sign that, when once she sits most of us. the. piano, she will probably mot: deave it for the remainder of | Some of us have— evening. perhaps towards the close of an om recrea- tion the waong wherein that When a gentleman loses his temper in talking, it is a tolerably correet | sign that he is getting “the worst of the argument. | When a lady falls into hysteries, or faints, you may safely look: wpon | it, without bemg in the least eccuséd of want of charity, as a sign’ of |

extreme weakness on her part. hero has been cele- | When you see the servant-carrying uader her apron a bottle of s0da- | brated. The pre- water into a house, you — seize. it\ asa sure sign <7 esentabode of Mr. one has been over "Wiuusm Warcn | When you see a iug out’ with a violent eruption:6f | is supposed to be bills, and posters, and placards, proclaiming “a Blaze of Triumph,” mer | rather’a solitary ‘an Unprecedented ~ wh you may view itas a true sign that that one; ‘a small re- Theatre is not doimg much ce some When you see a shop out in the sameway, you may follow where von some it as a sign whichwill safely you to the same conclusion. sea-beach, over | When the children are always up in the nursery, you may constraeit | = —— ewhich the waves into a sure sign that the mother does not care much about them. oe dash, and the wind When an author invites a number of his literary friends and crities*to wwhisiles, and near dinner, you may take it*as an infallible sign that he is about to bring }whereuntoltherelectric fluid has smitten. aweprtaintree.!This is ineorrect. out a new book. WridWarcresists at present. in the.@ity of London,ander an a/ias When you see.a pursy old. Sprenger rise on his legs, and request | indeed, but alive and kicking,as:hardeas hevean kielowith his bee's, “the ladies and te: tlre | their glasses,” you may consider it a | against public opinion, whieh of him. "Rancy pictures this | henalians sign that he is about to propose a toast,and you may as well | eminent contra andist as an seaman in fierce mustaches, make up your mind that from that moment there will be an end to the | long curls, a Flushing jacket, a white kilt, ye boots, and a leather waist- amusement of the evening. band, whereby hangs a cutlass, and wherein are stuck a dirk and several When you see the “ of the’ house” *casting her eye anxiously pairs of pistols, Bat'the real Mn. Weatewis remarkable for the ro- round the dinner:table, in hope of catching the other ladies’ eyes, tundity, rather than the muscularity or ppamaatey of his proportion. His you may ah it down as a prophetic sign that yourwill shortly lose “ the | costume is that of a respectable citizen ; y but not otherwise loose. society of the ladies,” ro omg rising in a y, and retiring into the | About his person he sometimes wears a vo chain, mueh excveding , drawing-room, will “leave the gentlemen to enjoy their wine” (as if | in circumference the belt of the ideal Warcu. He differs from the | gentlemen eould enjoy wine by themselves) ! imaginary smuggler, also, in generally ing gaiters instead of jack- | When-the host ill you have any more wine, gentlemen?” | boots; his lower extremities being subject to an affection requiring you may take it’ as a etty, broad sign that you are expected to “ go attention to warmth. Such is the Witt Warcu of the City, whose

up-stairs aad join the ladies ”—and that his next speech will be, if not | last great achievement consisted in mmnaging | four words into an Act of in those very words, very nearly to that effect. | Parliament, and thereby enabling himself and his crew to levy black- When ayoung couple are seen visiting a “ Cheap Furniture Mart,” | mail on all the coal brought within twenty miles of London. This is you may interpret.it:into a pretty fair sign that “the happy day” is not | the smuggler Witt Warcu, whose exploits might most appropriately far distant. _ be sung at a Coal Hole. When you ‘see a °man‘go-up'in a balloon, or turn Director of a Rail-| As the City Wi. Warton eannot much longer be suffered to commit | way, or the Lessee of a Play- House, you ,have a right, if you like, to | his depredations on our hearths and our homes, it is probable that he look upon it as a sign of Madni will soon be “done up” in his nefarious business; and then, perhaps, When the-boys begin to roe up their ‘books, it is a sign the holidays in our visits to the Bank, we shall seean Aldermanic figure, of dim nished are about to commence. | corpulence, slinking about the purlieus of the Mansion- House, and When the subject of an article is exhausted, it is a sign to leave off. | inviting the passenger of ‘bras or agricultural appearance into the | slums, to inspeet a box of foreign cigars. Curious Coincidence. Wonpswortu tells us of his hero, Perzx Bet, that— pe a liana ne We are told in the papers that the Council-room of the Mansion A yellow primrose was to him, ouse wants ventilating. ‘Lhis is not the only Room for improvement, And it was nothing more. | we are afraid, in the Mansion House ; for, if you ask us, we thik that the whole system of management that is pursued there, and in other flices of the Corporation, stands in the greatest need of ventilation. City Reform. A likeness to Peter may be found in his namesake, Jacos Bett, M.P. As Peter looked with indifference on the beautiful objects of Nature, so doth Jacos on séntilasly beautiful ones of Society. May we not say of the hero of St. AtBans, that— | Consolation for Oxford. A sovereign with «yellow rim | Oxvonap-has, hitherto, been considered as a nursery for statesmen ; 4 “aadicwe eine mm but the fact that not one individual has heen found to take the mghest ee honours there this year, has given rise to some apprehension that, Alma a r | Mater bas turned out no future Premier, or Lord Chancellor, in 1851. Aw ImpupeNt Cage —A Calman rebuts the charge against bis | But though no Oxford man has taken the first class, it is expected, on fraternity of extorting more ‘than eiht-pence a-mile, by the argument the whole, that there-will be an average number of Oxonians in the that eight-pence-ds their mean fare. Parliamentary train.

ee ie .

i es en ee pean ed

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PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL | | | FREE THOUGHTS ON A CERTAIN EVENT AND A CERTAIN PRINCE. Wet !—ne’er I knew, till taught it thus, —Till this last news flashed o’er the wave— \ The worst harm that a Tyrant does, ir, i wl Is what he does when in his grave ! ue It seems, the corpse of Greatness dead, Like vulgar co here in town, May such a ghastly vapour spread As serves to knock a nation down! It floats about—they call it Glory— Its sickly haze enshrines a spark, And—oh, fine moral of the story— Shines clearest when the sky is dark ! The people watch the sparkle fair, Within the vapour in the night, And think the ignis fatuus there A steady, useful, n-light. And, Oh! fair spark, and purple haze The people cry, who watch the tom Till, in the middle of their gaze, It chokes their Freedom into gloom! Well! I’d prefer the former lot, And live upon my little wits, Rather than shine—conspicuous Spot— Upon the sun of Austerlitz ! [’d really rather slink about From idle house to gambling den— Than send a stolen Eagle out To lap the blood of gallant men : —Than steal along, with muffled spite, To catch France sleeping on the watch And wreathe with laurels, prigg’d at night, The bow! of my debased abeack | Perhaps, though, Paris up will bring, To ie the most of her disaster, This little image of a King, Made of her very poorest Plaster: mM DISAGREEABLE TRUTH. | Perbaps, she’!l stick it up thus, yet, Soldier. “ Now, twen ! You must Move away From HERE.” Rude Boy. “Anu! Bor rov musty’r, Otp Ferien !” And go to play,—for some suppose Such fickle people only fit For dominus and dominoes ! A FEW SUPPOSITIONS. | other prints that would write or omit just what he, the Minister, Suggested by the “state of things in France. a sprinkling of the Homes, the Waxuers, the Wamsters, the| “Ricut How. Sin. — Lk & A 8, de ut How. Stx,—The duty on cabs amounts to ight please : uppose, when it occurred to the public that these measures were not | exactly in conformity with the law, the Minister were to go or send uppose the head of the Executive, some soldiers down to Westminster Hall, shut up the Courts, send or the Minister for the time | the Loxp Cuawceior about his business, and tell Lops Carnet, being, were to take it into his |CRaNwoarrs, and all the rest of the high judicial authorities, to make head one morning to abolish the | the best of their way home: : ¥ Houses of Parliament : Suppose a few Members of Parliament were to sign a protest against Sup some of the members | these proceedings; and suppose the documents were to be torn down elected by large constituencies, | bv soldiers, and the persons signing them packed off to Coldbath Fields were to think it a duty to go ~ Pentonville: : . " and take their seats, and were, Suppose all these things were to happen with a Parliament elected to be met at the doors by swords | by Universal Suffrage, and under a Republican form of Government : and bayonets, and were to be| And lastly— . Saag? wounded, and taken off to prison| Suppose we were to be told that this sort of thing is li and for the attempt : | what we ought to endeavour to get for our own country;—Should we Suppo? the Minister, having | look upon the person telling us so, as a madman, or a knave, or, both ? been harassed by a few Parlia- and should we not be justified in putting him as speedily and as un- mentary debates and discussions, | ceremoniously as possible—outside our doors ? gi Se cope such as the | Our Duty as Regards the Fare. pwr By Oh — ha * (To the Chancellor of the Exchequer.) ts to eighteen-pence a y. Couldn’t you divest the tax of its oddity? I mean the odd six- pose the press having been found not to agree with the policy of pence. Don’t you think that the reduction would be compensated by | inister, he were to peremptorily stop the publication of the Times, the public oy By quantity of cab? If you would trust , Post, ‘Advertiser, Daily News, Globe, &e., &c., and|to me in this business, | am as sure I should satisfy you as that limit the organs of intelligence to the Government Gazette, or one or two | «Tam, Owe & Bos.”

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LPIA ea em« * * wa eee -——F or My va i Se. a, Mh syn ‘ Soa | <x

mt

LOUIS NAPOLEON’S COUP D’ETAT. Cutting up his Goose for the Golden Eggs.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI FROM JOHN THOMAS, IN| PARIS. Vang Deo, Rew River Ie, Paris, 3 December, 1851. O, Mary Aww! O, Many Ann! Well may you bless your stars, You ’rediving in-a quiet Away from Coodytars. You’d never sneer at home, and wish. — you — — instead,. ou only knew what petty pangs: aw Frenchman’s pt ag Oh! her > - . what foolish folk This C I can’t — ‘tae why it’s cal?d Department of the Sane. Tot ve been. and filled the streets with troops, ith Marshal Lor to.lead,’er And you. may guess iieemoeliliendalie Great liberties. with freedom, For ’twixt the Assembly and the Prince There ’s been a final q And he has changed the Law of May Into the Law of Might. Long while, it see: these silly men. Did nothing but dis But finding talking-did.no peed Resolved to have a Mute.* * Mu. Jouw Tuomas probably means émeutes: The plotters far and ~ took ’em all away And cal. I say you shan’t,’ “WHO IS LE NEWTON?” ATE naval intelligence from Lisbon says :-— “The vessels left) at Cintra; in the Tagns, were | —Prince Regent, 90% Leander, 50; Arethusa, 50; and Dimantiess, 33; and Le Newton French steam-sloop.” Who: is Lew Newton? We had umonce: a. NEwTON —Isaac: Newaon, iff we do not mistake—who discovered things inrthe heawems;, and so | forth. Amd thie: Frenct: have | the, ill-taste: and: the ill-mamners: toy give | theename. ofa ‘by astromomer—a. sky sweeper—to awtean sioop, Let them Onr | Adimralty snap, its | » fifigers» ~| such: fop- ' pery;.and very pro- 9 i aon Why should | we christen sbips| after sages and philo- sophers,; when we have in our voca- bulary such glorious, heart-i ~~ s names as Blazer, Boxer, Growler, | Spitfire, and Cat-o’- Mountain POLICE EXTRAORDINARY. | Great excitement was occasioned at Guildhall, a few mornings ago, | by the a nce of a c before the sitting Alderman | with shooting dry rubbish into Mr: Punch’s \etter-box. The case was that of “an unh youth ’—he would give no other name—who pleaded guilty to the of having thrown the following missile into the office, to the great aa of the inhabitants :— “When is a hunter-like a carpenter?— When he scours the plain.” A Solicitor who attended for Mr. Pinch observed that this was not the only offence; for the same individual had asked, “Why is the-new seat of Government: in India like the: old one?— Because it is similar (Simla).” The worthy Alderman regretted to seea person so young in:a position so degraded, The prisoner, who had nothing to say, was fully committed. Leaper on THE, Last Frencn Revo.wtion. > eee NAPOLEON is a Sehoolmaster, who finding that Young France has got. lus sum all | wrong, has made him rub it clean out and — it over again. } So, at vee house of Mister Baze, These foolish:plotters met; (We’ve-got green: Biize at home you know, But none-so green as yet). Their schemes thie Prince don’t tell us.yet, For fear we :should:abhor.’em But says, they meant to break the law; | Amdso hebroke itifor ‘em, And one Johm Darms he sent to seek With. bagnets in.their rear. And Tr ns, the cause of all this woe, He managed to secure ; And sent him safe away to Ham; His. wicked: tongue to cure. And then to:lessen our alarm; He made a proclamation; A-bidding all the army m our hagitatiom L’ “These fellows said a be slavesy— ’ sez he “And L’ve got fifty thousand men, Whao/!l force you to be free,’ |@ speech, wherein he represents certain Irish emi Now what will be the hend of this There’s no one here can For some folks think they "ll make the Prince An Emperor as well. o For i isn’t he as eed, “ iy say, “ As him we-had before? If he was a Naroueom This one's a.Louis Done? Some think thesfiéeialistaswall rise: And end histrembled And send him imachaise Away to Pare la shays, Some wish the Antiwes party back, Some hope-they may miscarry, | And in their love for Hewry. Sink, Quite sink the Covwrne_Parry. But as for me, I’ve seen enough, Nor longer wish to roams And while they make so fepelicond, ll be a slave at home. ” near ; in vans, ‘pair rise: Jouyx Toman, Valet to the, Ma noyis oy CARABASB, Her Madgesty's Chargy dafoir, To Miss Many Ax» Sroxes, | Lepper (/usemaid, No, 30, -———— Square. BILL OF THE FRENCH PLAY. > THEATRE FRANCAIS, ELYSEE! Sole Manager, M. Louis: Narorzow Bowararte. ni Day, until a farther Coup @’¢/at, willbe presented the Laughable: arce, entitled, THE’ PRENCH REPUBLIC; or, FREEDOM IW PETTERS |! P Toreor, St. Annaup, Ducos, &c., and M=«. Fortunes together | with a large corps of, Supernumeraries. | In addition to whom, the Performance will be supported by THE ENTIRE STRENGTH OF THE FRENCH ARMY!!! rinerpal. Characters by. MM. Lovis.Naprotgon.Bowararte, Rovner, | To give every facility for Criticism, and the exercise of Unbiassed | | Opinion, ENTIRELY SUSPENDED ! ! ! ! | THE FREE LIST, WITHOUT THE EXC ae oa THE PRESS, 15 *.” In preparation, and will be duly announced, A Revival of the grand serio-comic-melo-dramatic Spectacle, THE EMPIRB!!!! Liberty, Equality, Fraternity / | (No. Money Returned. THE CHARGE OF A TITULAR ARCHBISHOP AGAINST HER MAJESTY’S GOVERNMENT. Tue ‘“‘ Lion of Jupan,” who pretends to be “Ancnsisnor of | Team,” is reported b the Freeman's Jowrnal as having, at a public dinner, or rather, we should think, considerably after the dinner, ts as having been sent out in an unseawortliy vessel and dro Hibernian contemporary, the Lion added : “This is not a scene drawn from faney. The vessel is seid to have sailed from the next headland, almost within sight of your own town; and Hen Masxery's Secretary for Foreign Affairs, in his next despatches to the Kixo or Narva, or the Eurenor or Avernia, or the Pore himeelf, may be able to instruet them on the economical » by which Whig sentimentalists can dispose of the nuisance of a poor population,” If this language means anything, it is an accusation against the Queen’s Mimisters of having got rid of Irish peupert murder. Was it really uttered by the Laon? te we believe all we read in an Irish paper, even eee him. Assuming him to have spoken it, we should say-we could only hope he was drunk, but were very much afraid he was sober. =| According to our by wilful |

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258 PROCLAMATION OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE LITERARY REPUBLIC TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE. S self-constituted Dictator of the British Empire, Mr. Punch the following lama- tion to the Poltce -— “ Policemen! Be proud | your mission; you will save the country ; for I count upon you to take up those subjects that are too dangerous for me to handle, and to cause to be respected the rights of ket-hand- kerchiefs, of which I am the representative. “ For a long time you have suffered, like me, by the obstructions cre-

ated about four o'clock | * every afternoon by the vehicles in Fleet Street. Those obstacles shall be | broken down. The Loxp Mayor and Aldermen have disregarded the authority which I hold from the whole nation. The Corporation has | ceased to exist. _“ T make a modest appeal to the people, and I say to them—Either | give me the means of controlling the cab and omnibus men, or choose | another in my place. } “You have been treated as cupboard-lovers, and consumers of broken | victuals, Your heroic disinterestedness having been thus branded, you | were stigmatised as Crushers, and yet you are the ¢/i¢e of the Alphabet. | “ Remain immovable within the rules of your Inspector and Super- | intendent. And, by your imposing attitude, encourage the drunk and disorderly to exert their powers of timely reflection. Be ready to resist any attack on the windows of 85, Fleet Street. ' “ Policemen, I do not speak to you of the associations which my | name recalls. They are ape on many wood-blocks. We are | united by indissoluble ties—the principle of wie mm is yours as well as mine. In urging society to move on, there been a community between us of glory and misfortune. There will be in future com- munity of sentiments and resolutions for the order and tranquillity of Fleet Street. “Given at the Corner of Bride Court, this 11th December. “Louis Naprotzon Powcu.”

MRS. BAKER’S PET. THE MORNING APTER THE PET'S FIRST NIGHT AT MR. BAKER’S. Scene. 3.—The Dining-room at Blossom Terrace, with the table spread for breakfast, Ma. avd Mus. Baxer Aave risen, dressed, and come down to breakfast in silence. Ma. Baxen’s feelings on the subject of the Pets over-night | performance are too big for words; Mus. Baxer feels deeply the brutality of Mr. B.’s conduct in comsigning the Pet to the Yard, but | is rather afraid to approach the subject. Mrs. Baker (sternly). Another cup of tea, Mn. Baker ? Mr. Baker. No—( pushes his cup from him, coldly). Mrs. Baker (making a dash into conversation, with forced cheerfulness). He got quite quiet towards morning, my dear. Mr. Baker (fiercely). 1'll tell you what it is, Mrs. Baxer, some- thing must be done with that dog. Mrs, Baker. 1 was sure he oughtn’t to be put into the yard. If he stays in-doors at night, he’ll protect the premises, and we shan’t have the noise we had last night. Mr. Baker. \ really think—— He is interrupted by Mus. Baxer’s rising and going to the door. Mrs. Baker (calling). Scamr! Scamry! I wonder where he can be? , Mr. Baker (with a momentary gleam of cheerfulness). Perhaps he’s ost! Mrs. Baker (nercously). Ob, dear! | hope not—(rings the 4eil)—though, I’m sure, after the treatment he had last night, poor thing— (Ma. Baker mentally compares his sufferings, p ab the night, to those of the cause of them, Enter Mary (labouring with emotion), Mrs. Baker, Where is the dog this morning ? PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL ied into | the streets, and issued | lon a painful subj

Mary (exploding). Oh, please,’m, Cook was trimming the |for breakfast, ’m, and I was a-washi kstabioemen! |dog,’m, he went right into the kite in, ee took a chop clean off plate, ’m, and run out of the ’ouse, through the front door, wich the baker was a-coming into the front garding, and we never seen nothink ie’? “pahtr Uriemphent! ). There, dear ! | r. y). my ! Mrs. Baker (sadly). Oo—then, he’s lost. Dear, dear! and only the | second morning, too! Mary. Yes, ’m. . Mr. Baker (with renewed cheerfulness). Will you give me another cup of tea, my dear?—Ah !—so that dog’s lost? —Well, now, do you know—my dear—I don’t think he would have suited us. Mrs. Baker (following the erratic Scamp in imagination). Did you see which way he went ? Mary. No,’m—he went right over me as I was a-washin’ the step, and [’m sure | was all of a trim’mle, and never looked to see where he went to. Mrs. Baker (angrily). How often have I desired you to shut the garden gate in the mornings? And what could Cook have been about wo let the dog get out of the kitchen, when you know he was strange, too ? [Brit Many, feeling that there is nothing to be said. Mr. Baker (rising from table, in order to conceal his exultation). Well, well, my dear! let’s be thankful it’s no worse, . Mrs. Baker (bitterly). No worse, indeed ! Mh... 7] PN a ats Mr. Baker. He’s only taken a chop; he might have bolted with a | whole shoulder. Mrs. Baker (rising). Well, Mn. Baxen, if you are done, I’ve some little > - to buy in the Road, and 1 may as well ask if they ’ve seen the panne og. Exit Mus. Baxer, suddenly. Mr. Baker (alone). Confound it all! She’s gone to look for the noisy brute. However, | must be off to the City. 1t’s getting on for nine. (Going. <Aring is heard at the front door. Enter Many. Mary. Please, Sir, it’s a gentleman. [Gives Mn. Baker a card. Mr. Baker (stopping, and reading name). Puppicompe? Puppt- compe? Don’t know any Puppicomss! Show the gentleman in. [Mary shows in Mn. Puppicomss, a gentleman of 54 = es of age, with a bald head, an imposing person, @ bulbous umbrella, and a long great coat. Mn. PuppicomBe ws agreat orator at Vestry Meetings, and is in the habit of relieving his feelings on most social and domestic subjects by —y to the “ Times.” Mr. Baker (bowing). Ma. Puppicomss, | think? Pray, sit down. | Good morning, Sir. [ Looks interrogatively. | Mr. Puddicombe (bowing). Thank you. Mr. Baxer, I presume? | (He sits in a dignified manner—A pause.) 1 have called, Ma. Baxen, ect.

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———$———— i ————— -———— PUNCH: _OR TH: LONDON CHARIVARE always painful. We wn Mx. Baxer. (Mn. Baker bows.) I , 4 two a r indeed Mr. Peddionmbe Nom Mas. Porproomspe:is in delicate i, Ma. Bakrr | —extremely delicate healthy Sheis'the mother ofnine Sir. Mr. Baker. Ab; indeed!’ | —Muss Sounsor, | seen the | that Baker (alarmed). Painful subject, eh ? ea Dail Mr. Puddicombe (orat between neighbours are Mr. Puddicombe. And you may, therefore, naturally conceive, very (Mr. Bar ipooepidied of meatal arithmetic, endearours to arrive at a notion how dear.) Rest is essential to Mas. Puppicomse ; for myself, | can make sacrifices. Bit, for Mus. Poppicomse, I never make sacrifices, upon 1 Sir, you may remark we’ve not had any" Punches in the he Row, r. Baker. Why, I ‘m from home daring the day, and so— Ry" he ser wt me we tm Ag not —_ 5 — t! unches ve disappeared from Ww. m down, Si Mr. Baker. Ah! - Mr. Puddicombe, And you have: probably observed: that. there is a ms gt in "Wing, really Me. Puddicomber in ~ ne during the day, yor you i not | noticed it. There is a falling off nuisance, id it. I! wrote three peel eters to the Sir; tod gave two a them | i —I mean the organ-' refusing to move o Mr. Baker (c ‘The neig ought really to beobliged to you, Mr. Pupprcompe. Mr. Puddicombe. | trust.so; but) the public good is m ctpect, and the comfort of Mrs. Pupprcomng. T shail continue to 74 duty, Sir—(pla ee hae umbrella firmly belween his legs, and Joobtagelee steadi at Ma. } me eet to discharge my duty. Mr. Baker (aililljy ies ve no.doubt of Mr. Puddicomibe | ). And in the Eothege of that duty, Sir, I am come to: ‘ai-pem , that you are-amuisance: Mr. Baker (shartled at be iaaaieds A nuisance?) Me? Mr. Puddicombe ( ly). Ss Sint Wien I say you, ages Sir; whiex, howled the le night’ through in your - Mr. Baker. Oh! you heard it too, did you? Well, I assure you, I never got a wink of sleeprall Mr. Puddicombe. 1 am come; Sir; to’say, that deg must/be-pnt down. Mas. Puppicomse’s comfort’ and a senseof ymblie duty alikerequire it ( a ts heard you ’li be Mr. Baker: 1 quite agree with you; Mk. Povnrcomsr; happy to hear—— Enter. Mawx. Mary. Please; Sir, it’s adady ( avcard), Mr, Silent “tenon Show: her. in. (Exit Many. | Corfound it! I shall be late in the City.. You’ll excuse me, Mx. | PuDDICOMBE. Enter Miss Sourseraladg of, acertoim age, wie hutas-dogs, having long ago taken: tovcatsy.. Miss Soursop (rapidly). Good Sirx Wa» Baweny I believe ? Good morning, Mr. Puppicomme. u name is Seunsor, ! oy and four’ doors. up, the Row, sain tree, feat I ve| t this, mar see the landtord, and: say; that either | 1 Mr. hat dog agai vam '—tliat is, it’s Wks. Baxrn’s dog. | Miss Soursop. Réally, Sir; [in astonished at Mis: BAxen,—and in =~ i neighbourhaed too! may may. haveay deb —for I am sure sno may t ac? = ) SaRINS y hawe, judging from the = Baker. Oh, theny yom ‘ity, Ma/am iss Soursop (i ), Heard it, oo It’s shameful, Sir ! i Baker. | assure you it kept me awake all night ; it was just under our window. But-there’s:one -yow will be giad to hear Enter Maxx. Mary. It’s a gentleman, Sir: Mr. Baker. Oh-—Well? (Aside). There’s: the: seeond omnibus gone by! Enter Mason Panxryws Hawker. The Mujor is a gentleman with a reddish nose, nose, fh a oo Jrock, and a’ itary. appearance, 2 once belonged to the. militia. ; aed of a cone ” and is beliewed:in. the neighbourhood. to have served. with: distinction. through. all the pata wars ote alee a alia habit. of expressing a ‘or satisfactron..on. s provocataom, He looks on. Mu. Baker aa a snob. Major Parkyns Hawker (bowing stiffly). Mm. Baxzn,I presume? My name is HawkeR—Parkyne-Hawkea—Masor Pankyns Hawken. (Mm Baker, daly |, bows at.cach recurrence of the name, with its Selanne additions. ———— | Mr. Baker (restraining ——— nobody suffered last night fi dograsem Major Parkyns Hawker. B gad, | ~ it’s scandalous ! Mr. Baker Scandalous ! What scandalous ? Major Parkyns Hawker. That te yh last ut night, Sir. Major Ponigue Hatter, iotoaiesaiatn Sin I'm ajor Par. r. Asan ’m used to rough it; but, by ad, L'd sooner sleep, om: a ten-qun: fied battery; than two doors off that dog of yours, Amd I mean ==> as a gate. man living ems and having: propertyyin the —_ to st I have come to the same conclusion, Mayor wt. Paddiconbe, Miss Soursop. We certainiy will not stand’it. Mr. Buker, Well, but-don’t | tell you,itannoyed me more than any- — nearest =, Sie, dé Major Parkyns Haw one you mean to shoot the dog? Yes, or no, Sir? No raeerntge ag question, Sir. Yes, or no? Mr. Baker ( (warming). Sir! I don’t understand this sort of language —_ me “~ — ~~ oat ajor Parkyns Haw y) Mr. Buker (boiling over), fa di rg A da. you mean by pooh, Sir ? Mr. Puddicombe. Now, Mis Basseny restrain:yoursel. Miss Soursop. \t’s no wegettinggntoaspession; Sityas you re clearly in the wrong: Don’t I tell you there’s mch as I did? But, as tewhooting the dog, ittisniftumesssary; {6r1’m happy to tell you ‘he ’ss lost. Vajor Parkynediiaoker. ©}, ' roe withdraw theword “ Fooh!” In that case { shill berqui'¢ satis fibdd - —eee ga ‘Tithktwlters:tiescase: I didintendito have written to the Times Miss Soursop; ea’ $ loste— Mr. Baker | pjéasantiiiy Yes ; cenit tell you how glad I was to learn that he’d run aoa (& ring is heard. Mus. Baxen is heard outside.) ry my wifépwho will tell you the same. And [| mustléaverher:tessettiéethe matterfer I really must be off to the | City. Mrs. Bhker , nt)... Weipmy déar !—(sees the visitors.) Oh! a Te stantrng reptune- Hand hat do dor 7 Mr. vee ibe rage). og! (dn omn' Ine | Aid. there?s mmies gone .. : Mol ng ah rrr re may acc umbrellz), Tn that Me drawing himmastt up pro icd lp, Then:L t peat Capantinanpatiiient” Poowil?”’ aH Vice Tide tedden oe ~~ bate: ’s a_i sgain'| SOP reekees 1 joyousdy | Pomd henassager ERenakes a wild shad abt him. with at PARK WR Baker, Mus. Baxen, ana the dog alternately: Tableau—and Seem closes: wal Mu. THY TRU AND THY BEAUTIFUL. veny’one knows that the —— is > markable for takes, whem etl a new? quadrille, ie co ae By it per- characteristic and genuine. It is well known that for the Swiss Qua. frag rr teeernd pe. fro that the horns- on which the Kitna déa Vaches wos played, were cows’ liorns, picked” up: on the~ spot, and seleeted on a-cou-stic Whenever he sits down to write a Valse de deur —_ he has before him two clocks, quite at va- am with. each other ; and so.great. is his enthu- siasm in everything he undertakes, that he could not write the Indian —z_ | Quadrille in anything but Indian ink, which he caused. to. be all | the way from Deihi, im. order: that. the composition: should be, his ‘fame, In-del(h)i-ble. Mane Bane forks. Mae Puppiweomeny Mason | ow ntanne emote cae nsansnery coms hemetayne epee

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_PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 4452" = * ame “tp - THE MODERN DAMOCLES. THE MAN OF THE DIAMOND JACKET. Paice Esteruazy, whilst in this country, made the most brilliant reputation on record by means of his jacket, covered as it was with diamonds. A starlight night in a com rost was nothing so resplendent as be-diamonded Esternazy. There was enough in, or on, the man to set up ten armies of glaziers for ten Crystal Palaces; and, therefore, Prince Estexnazy has an especial claim upon the credence | of Englishmen, when, after late consideration, he takes up the pen to! assure us that Kossuru is altogether unworthy of our sympathy, and | in fact, that “that person” is not a bit better than he ought to be; | being of low origin, and, of course, not born to a diamond jacket. Then | the Prince lauds the House of Harssure; and of course we believe all that the Prince says. Who would dispute the respectability of Peachem, when vouched for by Mat-.o’.che-Mint ? And then a Battuyany, dating from Brighton, writes to thank the Prince for his admirable letter. Batruyany is a noble name; has been nobly borne ; and is nobly enshrined in the gratitude of Hungary. But does ‘hat Batruyany date from Brighton? The race of the’ patriot is hardly run at Newmarket or Epsom. A Conundrum for Young Nero. May it please your imperial majesty, Why is your magnificent empire of Austria—according to the last accounts of the money market—lik | unto a Maintenon cutlet ? Of course, your imperial _ Because—may it plone in its own paper. majesty “gives it up.” your im it is done brown eS THE REGULAR FLAT. Tcxe.—" Donnybrook Fale.” common a buck is a reckless young heir ! brains, but with money to ao last crown ; phates deskey planteaen a Alle os euuen. Regiment To his College or the poe, he ° Loses ae Bees "With his bores joey iaaiieen, AUN MING s0 green. A stud of fire horses—black, chestnut, and erey, A four-in-hand pony-chaise, dog-cart, and sleigh: He sports, quite regardless of cost and expense, Till his cash is all gone, and his debts are nmmense, With his horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. Of a raseally set he’s the king and the tool, Who flatter, and cozen, and rob the poor fool ; And cocker’d whilst duped by the villanous crew, He sneers at the steady, and honest, and true, With his horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. at manhood arrived, he has spent his estate ; he raises with bills at post-date ; Goce the Kenn, im carriages, races, and play, With oeeeniey diteen ond RET or gece. Plate and pawned, now the needful ; Fil ot ist bo's selene pemer entrees at t he’s a ’ ’ Overloaded with debt,—not-a coin in his With his horse-jockey pleasures, and 30‘green. To his mother or sister the prodigal hies, And vows reformation, and snivels and cries ; His debts he prevails on the women to pay, And runs into others the very next day, With his horse-jockey pleasures, folly so green. By this loving brother ahd dutiful son, Again and again the poor creatures are done; Their resources, at length, are exhausted, fail ; Writs are out ’gainst our friend, and he’s clapp’d to gao!, With his horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. The youth figures, lastly, in one of the Courts, And shines in the Law or Insolvent Reports, That tell us the same story, day after day,— Of rascals’ and simpletons’ betting and play, With his horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. How strangely alike are these silly young men! As closely as sheep of one b in a pen; There ’s one stamp on them all—every dolt of the class—. Like the uniform stripe on the back of the ass, With their horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. It were something to be an original fool ; But these blades appear boobies by measure and rule : Would they read but the papers, their pride it might shame, To see themselves looking so basely the same, With their horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. To his Troop or his College, before they admit Any youth, he’s examined, to see if he’s fit ; And they ought to make sure that he’s fully aware Of this every-day case of the silly young herr, With his horse-jockey pleasures, and folly so green. To Provident Frenchmen. By the late coup @’ééat of Louis Narotzon, the members of the French National Assembly have lost 25 fr. apiece per day. The number of individuals who are continually reduced to destitution through the uncertain tenure of political existence in peng Bs it ve advisable that the French should get up some itutional Life Assurance Society, for affording some security to those whose means | of subsistence depend upon an existing Constitution. Great Want or Carasrirry.—Sre Harry Surrn’s Ability at the Printed by William Bradbary, Office to Lombard Street, of No. 13, Upper Woburn Place ia the Parish of ta the Preemet of Whitetriars, im the City of Loedon.and Pancras and Frederick M pubiisned by them at allett Bvana, of No.7, Charen Row, Stoke Newington, both im the County of Middlesex, Primers, at tae!r No. %, Fleet Street, m the Parish of St. Bride, im the City of Loudon.—Satenpat, December Lith, IS6i.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARLI MUFFIN BELL v. CATHOLIC BELL. Lease, Sir, I’m the little boy as was taken up and brought afore a Justice last week that was, for doing nothing but ring- | ing my muffin-bell in| Southwark, if you please, Sir, to sell my muffins, and nothing more, Sir. “And, Sir, if you please, when the police- man laid hold on me, | and the parish-officers | said as how I were to be | prosecuted and locked | up in gaol; if I didn’t for the time think I was the wickedest boy as ever was, and believed | | should in the end be hanged, like Jack SHer- | | i, )6PARD, and all along of | t the muffin-bell; break- | ing respectable people’s | UU it m| rests, and going and | living upon a nuisance, | which was muffins with a bell, as the gentlemen of the parish very se- verely saidtome. _ “ Howsomever, Sir the Magi as I was taken afore, like a kind gentleman, said he knowed i shouldn’t do it again; and so the parish folks let me go, and didn’t 1 run home? and wasn’t my old grandmother pleased to see me safe and sound again, as she said, out of the lion’s den? But the muffin-bell is never to tinkle no more; it’s to bea dumb-bell from this minute; and I’m not to ring to folks who wants muffins, but to holla. And as that’s the law, Sir, made, as dmother says, by the QuggEy, with the crown on her head, and the Lords and the Bishops, it isn’t for a little boy like me to ring my bell (though, Sir, if please, it’s a nice bell, and sounds like ~ aataaiins the faces of what pabdinaiies says, is Lords Spirit’al and ~ Well, Sir, if you please, they’re very good at the Black Horse, and always grandmother last week’s paper; in which Ireads to her. And last night I read about some monks at Clapham who ’ve got a monkery (grandmother calls it), where they ’ve a bell which they ’re always ringing—a bell a hundred times bigger than any m bell that wakes in the morning, and worries ’em all day, calling the monks to prayers; as if they couldn’t go about their praying, grandmother says, like decent, quiet people, without stunning the whole world with their bell- metal religion. “ And her (who got in such a pucker!) says to me, take up a pen, and write to Mr. Punch, and ask him what he thinks? Whether the Clapham Monks | shouldn’t be made, at once, to stop their bell; when muflin-bells is muffled and | | put down—or whether they should allowed to go on, ringing and ringing, while | all the while they ’r worrying people by making ’em, in hope to stop ’em, go into! Vice Chancery. — “T remain, honoured Sir, | “Tue Murrix Boy with wo Murr Bert. “P.S. Grandmother begs me to ask, if you don’t think there was more real reli- gion in the dustman’s bell, than the bell of the Immac’late Lady of Victories (who- ever she may be)? That her says—did make you think of your latter time, whilst the word ‘dust’ was a healthy warning of your last resting-place,— she say, the grave?” THE SWINDLING BILL SYSTEM. | _ We have been appealed to by several correspondents, to protect them from the| bill and prospectus nuisance which prevails in the public thoroughfares. It is| ingens to drive off in a cab from a railway station, without being pelted by uffing pamphlets, whose pages fall “thick as leaves in Vall Ombrosa” on the oor of the vehicle. It certainly is very hard that those who have a horror of pling See hands to a bill, cannot walk the streets without being involved in some dirty bill transaction, by being almost forced to at a bill, presented by me of the numerous walking nuisances that throng the Metropolis. We recom- as the only mode of yx d the om it every bill intended for distribu- tion in the streets, should be li to a bill-stamp—though even this provision might be evaded, for nearly all the bills in question have upon them the stamp of | umbug and knavery. or 5 a AR (Pants).—“ Until further notice, all free admissions Press Suspended.” DD THE NEW CAB PARE. (Suggested by the “ Old Arm Chair.”) I*tx hail it! I’ I hail it!—who calls me a shab For taking a pocey o! I’ve wish’d for it long; so I'll jump inside, nd take an economical ride. A They ’li hoot me, I know, before I depart ; But what care | when once I start ? Would you know the spell that takes me there ? An excellent thing is a sixpenny fare. In a rainy hour I’ve linger’d near, And whisper’d in many a cabman’s ear, And said what I could afford to give. * 1’ ll not take it,” said he, “ as — as I live. He told me with him I should never ride ; That I wasn’t fit to sit inside. And the imposition made me swear I’d wait till he came to a sixpenny fare. I’ve stood and watched, on many a day, The cabs from the cab-stand call’ away ; And I’ve often been made extremely wild When at me the cabman sneer’d smiled. He roll’d away: and I ’ve often said, There ’s a victim going to be bied ; For | felt most ey | aware There ’d be half-a-crown for a shilling fare. ’Tis past! ‘tis past! but the cabman now Is glad to take me with smile and bow; Where once he cursed me, and turn’d aside, He civilly asks me now to ride. He sees his folly; and now, each week, He’s making a fortane—so to speak— For the public saves of its shoes the wear By often taking a sixpenny fare. “OUR CORRESPONDENT’S” MEDAL. As the world wags and wars, it is really unfair that whilst medals are given to warriors in red coats, there is no dis- tinguishing mark for the heroic soldiers of the press. We are convinced that many a veteran with a Peninsular medal at his breast, must have felt even the injustice of his own decoration, when contrasted with the unrequited bravery of “Our Own Correspondent” of the daily press, coolly, magnanimously, taking notes in the bullet-shower raining about a barricade—in the drench of g saturat- ing brick walls—and in the very cannon’s mouth seeking for “latest intelligence.” So y, 80 courageously, has “Our Own Correspondent” done his work, that on the next French revolution—say to-morrow, or the day after —we should not at all be surprised at receiving, by electric telegraph, something like the subjoined :— [FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT. | “ Arriving on the Boulevard Italien, we have just received a bullet. . [PURTHER PARTICULARS. | “ We have received another bullet.” [LATEST PARTICULARS. | “We are dead.” The Clock Epidemic at St. Pancras. Tre London clock disease is evidently chronic, and not | local, for it has gone in a circle nearly all round London. The malady has now reached St. Pancras, where it has taken a peculiar form, for the bells strike, though the hands never move—a phenomenon which Bel/ on the Hand gives no explanation of. The St. Pancras clock must be m a very wretebed case, for it is continually striking itself, without any motion of the hands—a state of things that savours of derangement. We do not understand how a clock can strike and not f° unless, as the electric clock had something to do with lightning, the St. Pancras clock may be literally thunder-struck. How He Svurrorts It.—Lovis Napotzon is called the most important “member” of his he is the principal “leg” of it. family. Undoubtedly | aes scmempianee. son ES

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A A le 1 te SO ii | closely closeted. with himself for some considerable | | ' auriculars and—| regret to add—temper. PUNGH, OR, THE LONDON CHARIVAREL ALARMING INTELLIGENCE! | =~ | OUTBREAK IN THE CITY! ! Mk. PUNCH IN A STATE OF SIEGE!!! Punch Office, Wednesday, 5 a Mi. N outbreak of a serious nature has just occurred, which threatens to affect the tran- | o quillity, not merely of this y* etropolis, but of the whole J Civilised World. We have most extensive ar- rangements to secure the! fullest possible intelligence, and shall continue to receive hourly, half-hourly, and, if need be, half-minutely re- ports, which we shal! hasten to lay before an interested Universe. Our first account = | (From our Proliz Reporter.) At an unpleasantly early | hour this morning, Mr. Punch was disturbed. from | his.slumbers by the advent | ot his, faithful Zody, with intelligence that startled him (Afr. P.) out of the, wrong side of his bed, in a fraction of time considerably Jess than the twinkling of any one. of its posts. From the hurried bow-wows of his ry poe me i all that Mr. Punch could gather was, that an émeute of an ing nature had broken out, whieh seemed to threaten the mental peace, not only of himself in particular, batof the World at large. Having instituted a brief but ineffectual seareh for his dressing-gown (which was unfortunately “at the wash”), Mr. Punch, with bis usual readiness of invention, happily improvised a substitute by means of an old railway-wrapper ; and after performing a rapid act of toilette-ship, he dashed at once with daunt less energy to inspect the seene of action,—choosing the remotest oi bis garret-windows for the purpose. - P With his usual sagacious penetration, Mr. Pusch rapidly discerned how matters stood, A single glance from his eagle eye served fully to reveal the true state of the ease: to assure him that the centre of this great Charybdis of humanity was—Himself! Conscious that its con- tinuance would, of course, materially impede his circulation, Mr. P.’s nex? object was to effect a speed Dissolution of the ye This he hoped to achieve by a simple p Ren to the People from his.first- floor window; but upon opening it for that _ such was the roar of the ophicleide-tongued crowd beneath, that e found it would re- quire a speaking-trumpet of ten-million-Stentor power, at least, to render his natural squeak at all audible, In this desperate emergency, Mr. Punch was forced to hold rather a protracted Council of State; and having remained time, he at length resolved on the perpetration of a violent and decisive comp d'état. Despatching his canine aide de-camp with instant orders to summon the whole of his Household troops (consisting of Cook, Hlousemaid, Nurse, and Seul- lery ditto, and the Knife-and- errand Boy), Mr. Punch openly declared himself in a State of Siege; and, assuming his Marshal’s baton, proceeded forthwith to lay his entire establishment under the full rigour of strict martial law. A Proclamation was accordingly issued to that effect (signed Punch, coun- tersigned 7ody), and publicly affiché to of . conspicuous part of the front shop shutters. (From our Rapid Reporter.) : Ten o'clock. — The. Proclama*ion {has been favourably received. A few faint cries of “A dae Puach/” were heard, but promptly suppressed. A better feeling seems to prevail, ” Five Minutes past—No it doesn’t. Another tremendous volley of chal” has just been discharged, completely shattering Mr. Punch’s . P.is in a state of im-| | mense agitation. Half-past.—Mr. P., in the disguise of a poli attempts a move- 5 fen ment in the back-ground (behind his premises) to create a diversion. Mr. P. receives an unexpected ts “bonneter,” which effectually achieves his object. eek (%— the merriment of the bystanders is excessive. ‘ Soar Nooa.— — are forming in 2 te | neighbouring streets. are composed, chiefly, of Bank-bound "busses. Fleet Street is still in the undisturbed possession of the Garde Mob-ile. Our circulation is completely s y topped. 33 Secomda past —Lotelligemeabas just reached us, with our usual pamlo-post-meridian chop, that a ) perfect panie-has-ensued in the Joke Market, in —— consequence of our last anpouncement. depression is tremendous-—Puns have fallen 99} per cents One 0 clock.—More rows! There-has been a between two rival newspaper-boys, and beth have get sanguinary noses. | 20 Minutes past —A stronee of the a hy Ke oad Blue) has.just arrived. 7 x saluted with ironical cheering, cries af “ Vive le Bobby |” Cia amd 27 Minutes past —A ravid gnoseasion cfstregaions peng | shindies, end sovlmmesen, hag. emsued; and there has been —— | mendous sally in an adjacentalley , resulting in the arrest-of the Members of the Assembly, 4 Quarter to —The Guagd(Black) have rallied. pn irene they’ve been getting some. beer.) They are evidently coup de main. he crisis isfagt approaching. " : hk. 49m_13s., Pv. w.—Our positi mamnantasiitienenaieiees lA. 49m. l4s., P. u.—They have forced. the out-(door)-posts. is ost now! 1A. 49m. 17s., vp. u.—No it isn’t; though; for I rejoice. to hearthat Mr. Punch remains perfectly tranquil ! ! ! 10 Minutes to Two.—A mighty shout is heard in the distance, and a so am buzzing pervades beneath. The “Insurgents” seem agitated. A Minute and three quarters later. —\ breathe again. A strong body of the. Street Orderly Brigade is ap- roaching at a rapid trot, headed—un- ess my deceives me great —by F. M; the Duxe or Weiiovetow himself. 574 Seconds later—I am not de- ceived. It is his Perrapinass Dope And the troops seem gallantly inspired nie poeeaniy to either do or: die. ey advance unflinehing\y—brooms as bras! The soul-thrill‘nz word of command is given—“ Swe-e-e-e-ep !” Just upon the Strike—The struggle is terrific! The ral evidently object to be routed. « Just after ditto—Hazza! We are saved! The Broomers haye won the Brush! The streets are swept completely—not a vestige of be sieging creation remains. + 8+ 4; past Two. —F.M. Punch advances with: his Staff to salute his brave victorious allies. The two greatest Generals of tie Age are fondly locked in each other’s embrace — affecting incident for history! The eee |Troops are ordered either to stand or sit at ease, while beer is served out. +2:—4 o a Second later —The two ’ FP. M.s repair to a neighbouring “ Public,” and pledge each other in a quiet pot of humble half-and-half. Sentiment— All's well that-ends well. _ Three o clock,—A\\ fears of farther dis- , turbance are now at an end, and Mr. Punch’s usual world-wide circulation is completely re-established. SECOND EDITION. BY EXTRAORDINARY FXPRESS! We have nothing fresh to communicate at present. We are, however, | in less tham balf-momently expectation of highly-important intelligence from the provinces, which we shall lose no time in pu THIRD EDITION. BY XX XTRAORDINARY XPRESS!! RISING IN THE PROVINCES! ! Per Horse-Marine Electric Telegraph.) Punch Ojee, Half-past Three.—The émeute has, extended to. the | provinces. Violent agitation prevails throughout. uo Spe eS ron PO’; & wie OK ns a | ove Qoetrm poms &e®= ce® we a oe hom UCCUROhCURRCUOCUU

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON’ CHARIVARI.

In the agricultaral districts especially, the rising commenced this | sy ge very early hour. At ingham, no less than Le erg News-agents have been attacked, and their shops turned inside out by an eager and infuriated mob. Blood was to have been shed, attended by a severe slaughter, and much of life. On , however, the rumour was | Saad Se: bees from some purely business transactions at an 8. 8. The origin and object of the outbreak are alike still locked in| mystery. P.P.S. We hasten to state that we have just found the key. From | reliable information, received five seconds since, we may safely venture to assert our firm conviction, that the disturbanees have one and all originated in the circulation of a malicious and unfounded report, that this was the day fixed for the recurrence of that great National Event— the publication of our Almanack ! This timely discovery will, of course, materially lessen the alarm and astonishment which the readers may possibly have felt at the otherwise extraordinary occurrences we have been describing. As it is, they are certainly not so much to be wondezed at: indeed, we almost question 4 they may not be received as a perfectly natural and inevi-

THE KING STREET ARCADIA. HE principal Lious of Londos, t season, are Lions with horns and hroofs—the fateattle. All the great people have been «gomg to see the great brutes. t «=6At the King Street Bazaar, they have feasted ‘their eyes on the living beef, mutton, and pork, destined shortly to afford them a more substantial banquet ; on the sheep, oxen, and pigs, ‘within a month to be bodily transnruted principally into the superior elasses of society, and partly, let us hope, into dis- tressed as = journeymen ors ‘working ander diaphoretic circum- stances. Even Beauty has, in # mea- sure, brightened with its smile the huge mountains of flesh, some fragments of which will very — be identified with its own substance. Now, the countenance of Beauty is very desirable for any Exhibition, both in itself, and considered as an auxiliary attraction. Therefore, the more general attendance of ladies at the Smithfield Club Cattle Show is to be wished for But if that) this spectacle must cease to be a ar

advantage is to be reali prosaic exhibition of hogs, and beasts of the field. Sux James GaanaM has said that we are to become a pastoral and a zing, instead of a corn-growing people, and his prediction, to judge | Fy the yearly increasing magnitade of the Smithfield Club Show, seems) in course of fi . By carrying out, in the arrangements of that! show, St» J#mes Grana’s prophecy more fully, its managers might) invest it with the elegant and refed ebaracter requited to obtain for) it fashionable and female patronage. Their plan, for that purpose, | would be, to convert it, one evening, at least, intoan exposition costumée, | aa. - ite = pee sap oe ew cei ies s®enic an accessories. The idea of such a display *mmy, to some minds, htly extravagant ; but . — be remembered that this _ oa the year is a warrant for a little extraordinary gaiety. “ It is not often we db omg 4 only at a fi “ene? © bat what is reasonable at Buckingham P. cannot be prepostérous at King Street. And then, not only would hilarity be promoted, but trade would be encou the execution of the schene here advocated. Imagi- nation easily realises the scene that would be presented. The King Street Bazaar is enlarged, and by aid of Sin Joseru Paxtos Ma. Sranrtetpisconverted into an Arcadia in Urbe. The spectator wanders amid a pleasing variety of mossy banks, umbrageous trees, grottoes, waterfalls, and fountains, some of which play Zau-de- ; particularly is the viemity of the porcine department. illustrious and noble personages, and other gentlemen who are the chief prize-holders and contributors to the Exhibition, or are otber- interested i ther with the ladies belonging to thei families, real tebneed” hey a a and shepherdesses, either

in the old classical attire, or in the style of Warrzav, or in a com- promise between the garb of the original rural swain of antiquity and the modern agricultural gentleman. The diversions of the evening — of . “emetns ae ay one and the oy of Terrsicnors, which, as the assembly may to represent count. , are principally celebrated in country dances. _— His Rovat Hiewwess Parnce ALBERT perhaps condescends to appear as MELIBaus, g@ardian of oxen: he has well earned that distinction. He engages in anetlogue with Loxp Jouy Russens, who, as TiTyRvs, is meditating the affairs of the nation under the shade of a —- beech-tree. The Duxe or Ricamonp, Covowet Sternorr, M. P., an Mr. Mecut, compare notes as Menatcas, D and PaL#mon. Payiiis, AMARYELIs, Catoe, Dapuye, and nymphs, are impereae ee, the Lady Patronesses of A her ladies of quality. M./Junurew and his band are in EETHOVEN’S “Pastoral hony,” in addition™to’ their usual: per- formances atthe Nobility’s balls. Now and tle shepherd obliges the with a solo on the join in a grumphony, + Punch contributes to ony ‘with his Pandean A reveren tlemamand classical holaryas™wellvas an emine breeder, reads Teco " re +

Punch translates the same for the benefit ntlemen. | —_ musical pértion of the company j 8 charming chorus, “ Oh, the pleasures of the plathe!” from Acis and Giltea : and, after that, sing thé ational Anthem + and then the plump-ealved variegated domestics annownes the carriages.

WHAT NEXT? : coxIGat the present ‘state of affairs in Europe, { it seems that we are to put up with the @ previous period. volves upon certain individuals as a family property. it the Governor’s diadem, who claims through the Ont#axs Princes through their papa; Louis Navoteon through vis unele. The Legitinnsts claim on the ground of their “family respectability,” whieh, -the-by, was retently appealed to in e mean the County Court at Liverpool—by Mu. Rawsuay. Lovts ‘Napotgon claims, beeause his uncle ens of abilities. —~ as sw grandson of a Corsiean attorney, he ought to have known better, and to have been aware that he can’t steceed to the possession of what was only a “ life- rent.”

only one thing more to expect. Our fi rowe Bavce, of the Scotch Greys, isa descendant of King Ropeat Bavce ; and why don’t he claim the crown of Scotland ? O’Nera, of the Outer Temple, represents the ancient royal family of Ireland ; and why don’t he issue a proelamation to his subjects in Erin ? Yet, though both these illustrious — more ate figured on a kelf-erown stamp, neither of them yet been ap ed to a edict ! Puitasey Srewaat, of Sasuiey" Cimaane whose blood is a pure royal tap. Twice has the’ Hanoverian me Me him to their dangeon—the Bench—and yet, the poor never summoned the subjeets of his ancestors to the rescue ! Sarely, they manage these things better in France ! Nursery Rhymes for the Times. Tuene was a little Bart., And he took the little part Of the man with the ballets of lead, lead, lead. He wrote to the Times In defence of the crimes, . Disgraceful to the tieart and the Head, Head, Head.

HEAD’S TALES. Sta Prawcrs Heap has written a letter to the Times in justification of Loutrs Napotzow. Sie Faaycts appears to be quite moved and affected at the idea of the danger the ex- President wagplaced in. The Head is clearly touched. poaeens of anybody whose relation | appens to have seized upon a crown at The government of the Continent de- | With the Governor’s hat, | they i There is the Count pe Cuaponp, | his ‘grandfather ; Now, what next ?-<If things are all tobermenayed like this, we have | Or, look at the case of | |

ON rh shemale cea ho ye ~ re et RI cman yap em ram ———

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PUNCH, OR THE L | ONDON CHARTVARI NG 4 ,? + oe Ti > “ ACADEMIC COSTUME. Dr. Bear. “ Put ox town Gowns, Sin.” Undergraduate. “Gor 17 on, Sin.” UR PARIS LETTER. (From our own Correspondent.) Sir, INSTANTLY on receiving your unmistakeable hint that there was “ going to be another shindy in Paris, and the sooner I was off the better,” | was off. It pained me to think that a promised payment of rent, and a couple of Pills which had fallen due, must be ; but such is ever the result of private interests, when nations plunge into broils and discord. How finely has some great poet remarked upon such matters, in words which, as your office library is at hand, I can’t say that | remember. : I found all in confusion here—cannon roaring, musketry crackling, | | the French journalists under beds, and the correspondents of the | English papers hopping about from barricade to barricade, taking notes in the thickest of the fire. The Zimes writer had three cabs killed under | him, besides the inconvenience he sustained by the omnibus, in which he next ensconced himself, being upset to make the centre of a barri- cade. The architects refusing to let him out, he was somewhat annoyed | by the fire of the artillery upon him, but managed to obtain much information. The Daily News gentleman was also [oe deal jeopar- dised, by his going into the hottest part of the fire, insisting that the | conflict should not go on until he had taken down the names on each side, with notes of any family anecdotes of the combatants which might be interesting to the general reader. The correspondent of the Chronicle gave so much offence by forcing his way into the Elysée, and taking the pan of military operations out of the hands of the rals, that he might make a copy of fico tracing paper, for England, that he was furiously ordered out of France, and it was his threatening that he would have war declared by return of post, | make his copy quietly; and ail the sentinels still fire at him whenever | he out for a walk. Indeed, not one of the English writers a a single article of dress which is’ not riddled with balls, but they have not as yet had time to account for the fact of their not having them- selves been shot through and through. As for me, | went off at once to Lovrs Narotzoy, whom I used to know in Leicester Square days, and, being anxious to send you a com- | plete account of the military proceedings, I requested to be placed in communication with the Generals. Louis NaPoLeon recognised me instantly, and said, coldly, “An emissary of Punch, I think?” I would not at that moment cavil upon a word, and accepted the phrase. “ Mais, certainement, your wishes shall be complied with,” he continued, writing a few words on a piece of ; : “ Tn confidental communication B f said, “if your Highness pleases.”’ “Have no fear,” he replied, his nostrils quivering in their usual remarkable way when he is excited; “ Monsieur’s is not a thing to be neglected. Swivez cet homme.” O I obeyed, and in the second ante-room I found eight officers of police- | One of them invited me to accompany him down the ier, and, to my astonishment, the others closed around us. I hate ceremony, but said nothing. A carriage was at the door. I was handed in, and all the policemen got into or upon the vehicle, three inside, two on the box, and the others hanging behind. Those inside up the | shutters, and we were in darkness; but I distinctly heard the cocking | of three pistols. Thenceforth I was silent—the journey was long— | very long—but it ended. The carriage stopped. I was handed out. It was midnight, and | saw the stars glittering coldly above us. In janother moment | was hurried through a grim iron ay, and along passages, and through vaults. At len another door was opened, and I found myself in an apartment, w poor military men were playing at bowdllote. They laid down their cards, and rose to receive me. | “ Monsieur wished to be placed in confidential communication with The Generals. M. Le Prestpent refuses no wish of his friend, M. Punch. The Generals are before Monsieur.” Sir, before me stood the stern CuawGarnrer, the stern Cavalcwac, the stern Bepgav, and the stern Lamonicrernz. And behind me, as he spoke, banged the sterner Gate of the Fortress of Ham ! Sir, I am in the Presrpewr’s hands, and yours, and am also, Hotel Ham. Your own CoRRESPONDENT. FUNNY MARKET AND WITTY INTELLIGENCE. mille in the City, and one ious metal alluded Tue pure ore of wit being five shillings per hat the to shilling at the West End, it follows t is four times dearer at Guildhall it is in via. 700 bags of coarse jokes were delivered during the week at our establishment by the Post-Office. No price was named, and the articles remain in bond; but there was afterwards a consignment of a better sort, which readily found a market. : A gloomy feeling was created by the following :— _“ Why is a hotel-keeper making a fire at the gable end of his hovse like a man drinking gin ?—Because he’s warming his in-n-side ! ” A still further despondency ensued, when one of the oldest jokers in the trade offered to supply any quantity equal to the following, at an eighth lower than last week. “Why is an errand-boy like an old horse put up to auction ?—Be- cause he’ll go for what he ’ll fetch.” After this the jobbers gave up the whole affair as a bad job; 500 defaulters were declared. Settling day was adj sine die; the bears disappeared ; and the Bulls—from Smith Market—speculating for a rise, threw up everything to a most —— pitch—when our own reporter, flying as fast as he could, clim to the top of a neighbouring pump “ for safety and for succour.” SKETCH OF THE PATENT STREET-SWEEPING MACHINES LATELY INTRODUCED AT PARIS. Taken on the Spot (A, the Spot) by our own Artist. (Who being naturally rather a nervous es that the peculiarity of his position certain little shaky ; at ] did make hima feel y e a : and, 4 his sketeh, we think our readers will not be disinclined to believe him.)

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) : | yay : oy \ > WS Wns tl N A V ‘1 il} pam at om a Se st. RSS e/a OS SED. "4 — rs —_ : 7 ~~" ———— Serr “ z ve = “=-

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a

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL 267 THE FRENCH DICTATOR TO HIS ARMY, IN PLAIN TERMS. UR contemporaries the news- papers sometimes, though seldom, translate French very badly. Strange to say, not one of them y rendered that very: per- spicuous cous Se rench: Dietator’s A aint to his Army; which, done 1 Bi into runs umple-has at last. arrived. For i — 4 of my design, 80 10) Pod of overtrowing the and seizing on 4 i of d i ¢ power, I feel that I can count u ou. You wilt not have for- = 1 tien thewplain of 7 —— our t tingle with a » the flavour of my sausages; Yen will act your —_ still dance, - livened champagne. You will not cease to taste the sausages ; the spirit en will not from your heads, till you have rendered me the service for which I stuffed you with the one, and a the people. Bayonet—shoot down —all who resist-you. Fire at the windows of private houses; hesitate dwellings of your fellow-citizens. Strike terror hearts of your countrymen; show yourselves more formidable tham you ever were to the enemy. It is you who, for me, must into submission the people of France. and you shall not miss your reward. You kage Every fellow-citizen you ican you run through the body, and pints for the blouses ; for down the throat of the nation, t' igath ith d ch ’ “3 Sf No. IT. Emrrnor. ® st TT 1 ties iEy fii tH ; - t i i rte i I | _ Ig io} » gpt ING Teh Newnbe F did. not. fall upon et nm the pescent outheeak The. troops and portes cochéres, and the idlers in the.streets; and even | storming a gesvtond, mig bane been attended with a different result, 4 seen the distance of his. musket before the of the ays ey and. the of Louss Narotgow (and we.do not think we should have peperints seen Ae stae® bed eho pees, pige* bere | suddenly cut short, as was too often the case with the French Telegraph, _ by the old familiar amusement of “ Interrompu par le Brouillard.’ ————— | The Great Peace-maker. t Tax. quartern loaf—a hard trath for the Protectionists!—is the aay ye Sub- . i inly a teristic of the country, that the f marine f Telegraph had to transmit from France should have been "| THE CONVENT BELLS OF CLAPHAM ; OR, SOLTAU v. DE HELD. On, Mr. Sortav! what are you about, Against the Saints an action to be bringing ? Mind Dunstaw doesn’t —— by the snout, Beeause you strove to stop De Hexp from ringing. How he served one Old Gentleman you know ; Take care he doesn’t also serve you so! Know you what sort of fellows you provoke? I scarcely can imagine that you do, mani: Why, Sir, they cross the sea upon a cloak, And shine, like Gove in the dark (ask Nitwaray, In case you won’t believe my friendly rhyme)j-— They ’re seen in several places at a time. They ’ve power, dear Sir, to knock you into fits, ut you in a state of catalepsy; To drive you wild, or take away your wits; Plague you with colie, phthisic, gout, d7speDey 5 Cause you, in short, more ailments to endure Than BaBBace could compute, or physic cure, Why, don’t you know that when:his head was off, e good St. Dewss was observed to toddle, Holding beneath his arm—although you scoff— Holding, I say, beneath his arm, his noddle ? Nor how it rained like mad to please 82. Swrravy ? Peace, as the Saints’ own townsfolic say, be with ’un! You would repent, if Swrrauyw turned hisspout U ipon your pleasure-grounds, and swamped your flowers~ Or Dewis were to make you walk about Without your pate, soused by the other’s showers, That you had ventured to indict the usance Of ringing in Saints’ honour as a nuisance ? What, if the bells keep jingling all the day? hat, if you can’t sleep, converse, or write ? If. you don’t like the noise, you needn’t stay At Park Lane, Clapham; but don’t tempt the spite Of Saints who—as St. Alban’s case will settle— 8o0-dearly love the musie of beli-metal, Tis very true the law’s relentless spell Has hush’d the muffin-vendor’s little tinkle ; Also, that the Redemptorists’ big bell To that, is as a lobster toa winkle : But monks, exempt from every statute’s compass, Expect permission to create a rumpus. Unless you ’d have the Saints about ears, —— ears you still must tite to be split ; though a grievous it appears, To such a dire infliction to submit, So—if your worthy neighbours in their cells Wear caps—why leave them to their caps and bells ! TIGER SENSIBILITY. Lous Napoweon visited the wounded soldiers at the h of the Gros Caillou. The wounded were in eestacies to behold him | It is said, preparatory to shooting down peaceable citizens in the streets of Paris, rad fring into drawing-rooms amidst women and children, every soldier received a five franc piece; the human machine fired with a silver bullet! And the _— _ at the pa maimed, “ All he ” says t vertizer correspondent, “on receiving their eresees, kissed them tilltheic eyes moistened.” ey furt! “ tears filled the eyes of the President.” Creature of sensibility! If he can weep over the wounded, how shall he sorrow and how! over the dead ?—Over the murdered of the families who had reeeived their . ” after a different fashion, in the loss of father and. husband, son and brother? How.many has the President “ decorated” “cross” of an agonized heart ? f ; One of the Wrongheads. Sm Fraxecrs Bown Heap has to keep. ui 2 ie for . marvellous and eccentric. Therefore, the French Feet, enkng with civil glory, is an object of especial interest to the author of a co Sticka—and—(it may be added ina seeond edition) — ut Lovis-Naroteon has no need of a Heap; what the Monkey wanted is—Heaar. eee ee arene

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+ wea. aden ee PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL PUNCH’S MUSEUM OF EXTINCT RACES. re, iti ' ‘ ‘ Mt HM Mar. Catoy, so celebrated for having made a book on all the Indian| Number three in the catalogue of our Museum, will be the old | races, has proposed to collect a Museum, consisting of individuals of all Watchman; a sort of human sloth, whose constant repose was so little the tribes that are now rapidly ing away; and he contemplates | interrupted, that he could, in a state of somnambulism, ery the hour. visiting all the principal cities of Europe America with this Red- | Though inoffensive himself, he was the cause of offence in others; for Men-agerie. The idea is so good, that we rather think of adopting it, bis presence, instead of quelling a disturbance, always | a by forming a collection of all the numerous races that are on the eve of temptation for raising one. The only specimenof the tribe that still becoming extinct among our own countrymen. exists is to be seen in the private watchman, whose physical imbecility Number one in the catalogue of our Museum will be the Protectionist, is usually enhanced by the feebleness of helpless i iety. The night | who may, perhaps, be seen “ Alive, Alive!” for a short time longer. watchman was supposed to be unfriendly to the tribes of nocturnal The animal is getting every day more scarce; and it is only by walking depredators; but he was in fact the ews friend, for he always gave up into our show at once, that the public will be “now in time” to | warning of his approach =A melancholy ery, and by the illumination witness this greatest wonder of the world, this freak of human nature, | of a lanthorn he carried about with him, causing him to be seen at a which is fast disappearing from the British soil. The creature has | distance, and preventing him from seeing others. become so scarce, that it is no longer to be considered as the friend of| Number four in our Catalogue is the greatest curiosity of the whole man, but is wild, snappish, spiteful. Nevertheless, it may be | from the fact of the sudden disappearance of the tribe, which, unt approached without danger, and may often be led by the nose with | recently, was very numerous. The animal alluded to is an Irish Re- wonderful facility by those who understand its treatment. | pealer—a member of a class that was more than plentiful two years | Number two in our Museum will be an animal so rare that there is ago; but, as some tribes recede towards the setting sun, this tribe has scarcely a specimen left, and that is the Stage Coachman. This harmless | been rapidly disappearing before the rising sun of intelligence. The | creature used formerly to scour the country from one end to the other, | creature was extremely mischievous when the race was in full vigour; | until it was driven out of its usual resorts by the iron hand of invention. | and we certainly should not think it worth while to preserve a specimen The coachman was an important character when all the world was a| of such an inferior article, were it not for the curiosity which may | stage, but has sunk into insignificance since all the world has been | hereafter attach to it. / | arailway. The animal used to be in some degree a beast of prey,| Our Museum will include numerous other objects of rarity, and we preying on the pockets of travellers to a large extent; but it has shall add to it from time to time; one of the magnificent itions we gradually disappeared from the face of the country, and it would be | contemplate—as shortly coming within the scope of our collection— impossible to say what has become of the lost genus. A votary of the | being that meey disappearing animal, which is not only dying out, | Pythagorean doctrine would, perhaps, look for the lost stage coachman | but getting violently exterminated nearly every day—a French in the stalls of the Smithfield Cattle Show. Republican. ; LOUIS NAPOLEON, EMPEROR. HOW MUCH FOR THE IRISH ATLAS? Marvewtovs is it to find of what things certain of the English | T#® gentleman who bears the World upon his shoulders—as editor of Press will, at times, “— a and darlings! wale yeh A Ane Stiegl peels } godt a Ps | Sawwey Bean ma ve his ists, as a human factor | P : » pro! ’ - seuse, desirous to keep , &. over-po' ns ; as a Louis Naporgzon has ‘aff rds no lel. The following extract is from the case of been eulogised for making dead bodies the steps to his loftier eminence. | “ BIRCH °. SOMERVILLE :-— | If it be true that the President aims to become Emperor, he has| “Ms. Bazwstxn—Upon your oath, how much « year ought you to get for your 34 prepared himself for the dignity. Already his robes drop 1c, Witnees (after some deliberation).—I think £5000 a year would not be too much ; ee ( ter).” id z If one were Lonp Lizvrewayt or [netayp, and could but buy the A DOUBTFUL LEGATEE. | Irish ATLas at,the market price, and sell him at his own, how much sss . uld one gain ? We observe advertised a book, reprinted from the edition of 1625, | ba : culled “yx ‘Mornge'yLecacte’ to her Usnonsn Onion, git if"ece cum camtot, era, be calolated ith, compete LizaBeTa Jocetine.” From this work of Mistaess Joce.tye’s it £4099 - transaction would seem that in the good old times there was some ground for | Re wanipts atadip Sy the good old caution—“ Don’t reckon your chickens before they are oe ined ian hatched.” Tue Worst or att Srorms.—Storming a barricade.

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PUNCTL. OR. THE: LONDON! CHARIVARIY THE NEW NAPOLEON CODE. Tue following Code will be given by me to my loving count is my fervent desire that it mag tend to the Honour and Glory -) Tr 1s DecrEep — I.—That any person who looks out of window shall be immediately shot. | Ls ' who refuses to look out of window shall be L—That any — who has blinds to his windows, or letter- ventilators to to his walls, or harbours a balcony in shall be liable to have that house blown about his fred pla igh aig Ry a lor “Abe in his or benefit of court- ere ed po = to be shot smoking a cigar be the street, shall, for guil g the ins a with ni —— eee th anne t Lo a : shout Vired 1 not walk with his hand. Sey towel prove he carries no weapons hout him, fae oe eh oy to the State. ty of to.the Champ de i eceed re to be persons discovered talking wet tal b(t rere oie nis dbannand ot Louis Naponeox, and, without fail, fusilléd sccordi who om a party of a suerée, without the pee ss true list tt ne shall tnd prised hee, a let fo off to Mazas, and im sit —That any _—_ or ov h’s door shut at t, shall be ay ee re of bed, and pronounced guilty of giving refuge ey ~t.. 4 traitors against "the State. Il.—That any person who sends, either aan the ha: or b private a letter or pareel with a wafer or a hall be hel responsible for the seditious, and tried ar for holding ing calumniating libels against the XIIl. That wo' or child, who lives at Paris without oe oe a finding two respectable sureties for his the a will at be treated as a felon, who has no right to life, nas ite of eer. or anything, and, consequently, will meet with very 0 XIV. anything, even a hand-bill (offer- MeL meg 4 oy ' or a dearly-beloved THE (BLOOMER) BARMAID.+ (Slightly altered from Tiwwyson’s “ Mermaid”) Whe eit oe who | loves not me? Otimg velvebeoat@hould my | o.-.. Le Fim — my peey~ceae or beaver—erown;.. my collar aro Aad the arta of my around i ould bé.trinmeddbidliipea 1’d shine hike a star, Midst taommepeusal: Over the Bar, In the midst. of the Hall !! Till the biggest coal-heaver one.could see epee: pei ee 5 of And would In front of t a a star, With his muzzy e ee ielordiny And the fierce Policeman, A. _ 3, Would feel his great authorit Sink in his boots, for the 4 of me! But at night I would chatter away, away ! I would fling on each side my curling hair, And lightly trip, like a page From the screws, and pints of beer ; And I'd throw such a , 80 sly and deep, That the soft young gents, with satin. tie, And their wide-sleeved coats, and scraggy throats, All the live-long night should have no sleep, Tit orth their woes on pink-edged notes. For not be tied by all who list, Ofte tar set who. came to see; sue me, and woo = flatter me, in t tet of the tubs marked caniche,) without first submitting a proof of such document to t! ¢ police, shall pare Ss printing-presses broken up, and his printing establis liohment V. That. going to the theatre without a permis de police, nee be quapested oh tancher ar and dealt with teen om as 5 PP -y any person correspondence or sending a \ is ipso facto amenable to any and all the pe-| es for by panagge rab ee be astonished if be loses bis head. XVIL ding, much less daring to express, an onarinn, anfarourale Yo the to the Eanes will have to answer for the .. wit XVIIL—That any dog found in the presence, or within the hearing, of the Emperor, = oll be loo i upon as an enemy to the State, | and shot according ey. XIX.—That any baby found og cain Ge mex same circumstances, will be treated, “" ¥ — sex, with t ble rigour of the law. | XX.—That other offences, charges, and misdemeanours, not in-| cluded in the above cases, shall be punished by Death. (Signed). Louts Naporzon, Empéreur de tous les Frangais. Given at the Elysée, this Sond Bag Seater, (the Anniversary of one of my Vides Battles), 1851 Satz Copictt to THe aBove Copz.—The Emperor confides to the élite of his beloved Army the proper Execution (the Emperor can think of ne Sites pod af tha shae Laem, poet o trusts, will tend to the | Glory and Happiness of his dear France. Vivent les Saucissons et le Champogne ! i But the licensed “ witler ” should marry me— Woo me, and win me, and me.. Then no more would I wear the trousers rare, es such as poo be too bard to see, mean a wife’s authorit And my husband would. ari i for the love of me. Testimonials to Louis Napoleon. Lovis NaPpotgon’s apologists say, that he knows his eve. Very | likely. He is believed to have handled it often enough. Punch coment tie presentation to the Dictator of France, as a testimonial to him on hemien triumphed over the liberties of his country, of a billiard-table, with balls of lead. A rouge-et-noir board might be added ; | the rouge suggesting the fluid which has been shed in the late .coup | @ état, and the noir expressing the eharacter of that, transaction. “In the Name of Folly.” Tue name of the French Minister of Finanee (for the present) is | Fou. Weare afraid, that before many weeks are over, not only | the Minister of Finance, but the entire Ministry will find that. it | has been completely Foutp—“ fooled-to the top of Louis Naroizon’s | bent.” In fact, the Footep Musisrry wouldn’t bes bad name for it. * Country readers may be unaware, that those intelligent men, the Publicans of - don, bave entirely put an end to the Bloomer fever, by their Barmaids the dress. —

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« ae © Wii ; 1) Ni a, im | Dl @ 2 i AL WL | i veen Acc eee ee = NARROW LANE NUISANCE. Noisy Bricklayer. “Take taat Donkey Back, can’t rou?—I Hottarep Lone arore I came yicn THE Lane!” Polite Costermonger, “1 maxes 17 A Rue tw Lire never TO GO Back; ann My Donkey roriters My HexAmrre.” RBESESEE BSOCPESE EESES 3B 5 THE ALBAN’S PIPPIN. ORIGIN OF THE PHRASE “HOOKEY WALKER.” } We understand that the St. Alban’s constituency are complaining of | Ovr ingenious contemporary, Notes and Queries, (the Editor of which | the busy meddlers who promoted an investigation of their electoral must have a most inquiring mind; for he seems to inquire into the | affairs. We advise our free and independent friends to oy as little as truth, meaning, use, and origin, of almost everything), has favoured us possible about mea Jers, as that word suggests a species of fruit which with the origin of the term “ Hookey Walker,” whieh is certainly is anything but a complimentary emblem of their . The only | very ingenious, but we doubt if it is exactly correct. difference between the thing signified and the symbol is, that the iatter The true origin of the term is as follows :—“ It is well known that is for something when it is rotten. Henceforth, perhaps, the| Mr. WaLKer is the name of the gentleman, by whose influence and | mediar will be dedicated to Sr. ALBan, under the title placed at the exertions, continued for many years, at the peril of his own health, | head of this paragraph. the horrors of intramural burial were first brought before Parliament. To carry out the idea above started, the different varieties of the fruit! When the Metropolitan Interments Bill was passed, the claims of | might, according to the ae system of horticultural nomenclature,| Mz. WALKER were naturally laid before the Government: but Govern- be styled the Corrock, the Epwarps, the Wacegrtt, &c. ; of course, ment pretended to have no knowledge of him whatever, and indignantly not omitting the Jacon Bex. exclaimed, “Mr. Watker?—Hooxey WaLker.” Hence the term has grown into popular use, and is generally adopted as an. easy one, when a petote vine to shift Oe an ——- . to pretend " eke. | | ; ' one who may have just claims upon him. It is a term frequen , BED OF PEACE! and the more’s the pity, by Government officials towards sonaltille Pzorie never know when they are well off—they always require the or from heroes deserving well of their country. aid of some cunning man or other to point out the blessings which have | 5 ae escaped their own observation. Our lively neighbours over the water in « a are not altogether exempt from this obtuseness, especially since they | Abolition of Capital Punishment. have been so occupied. Paris, however, is not without its prasens P oe : ’ aurilium, Its (ptevs is one M. P. Curistiax, who appropriately Tie Government has come to a determination to abolish capital , enough makes his appearance, among other places, in the Moifear.| punishment. Smits, the monster, who murdered an infant under the | He heads his manifesto “Conviance!” and, after afew other cheering most revolting circumstances, is to be transported for life—not assurances, informs us, “ Paris s‘appwie sur cent mille baionnettes fran- Of course, after such commutation of sentence towards such an offender, caises.” So Paris is safely reclining on a couch of bayonets—Bed of | we shall hear no more of the gibbet. Who can be worthy of the halter, | peace! we sup t there’s some crumpling. At this rate our if Samrrn’s neck has escaped the noose? As we have ever advocated | old friend the Toad will probably discover that he has been labouring | the abolition of the gallows, we are, of course, happy to learn that Jacx | under a slight mistake, and that his position under the harrow is an | Ketcu will be duly indemnified for the loss of fees. enviable one, after all that has been said on the subject. ae Re Rs Fe RA tlh As IT SHOULD BE.—We understand that Mows. Jriiren’s Mons-ter { men, | Concerts were brought to a close with the singularly appropriate air of New Morro rom ae Napoteoy.—Aut Steerer, aut Nihil. “ Farewell to the Mountain.” | Pr ated by William Sradbury,or No. 1%, Upper Woders Pisce, in the Partem of St. Paceras, and Frederiex Mallett Beane, of Re. 7, Charsh Row, Stoke Newington, both in the County of Middlesex. Printers, at Uffice '2 Lombard Street, im the Precinet of W hiverr.are. im rhe City of Leadon. and Peblished by them at No. %, Fleet Street, in toe Parish of St. Bride's. im the City of Londen. —Saevaray. December Ta 1%.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 271 NAPOLEON’S BOOK OF FATE. sone with all the confi- dence +a a clairvoyant. He can w is likely to and what will y be the con- sequence if that which is likely to happen, happens. By the time these words appear in print, Louis Na- POLeon either will have by the French Dictator hed the Frenc ie, or on’t. Whether’ r he mm. “boseme, though the to ay and control the election will, yet justice sometimes overtakes a , Fleet Street, were an for one week, However, if Mr. Bowararte gains his election, it is pretty certain what will then e place. Mz. Bomwararte will get = a = public ceremonial. He will be that sanguinary corps dramatique, the of ecclesiastics also to attend in | ae short, he will exhibit a regular | obra. with the normal and customary array of “ Guards, Officers, Priests, and OE such as we see at Astley’s, wherein GomenrsaL sustains the character of the hero; namely, that of Mr. Louis Narotzon Bonararte’s ce apes There will be a solemn procession, ve . Bowaparte has maple! patronise religion so much of late, since become wy piece of policy which he may have learned | sojourning in oer es at the theatre, of Richard the Third. Mn Bow aPaRTE will go down on his knees, and pray for the souls of the victims of ber 3 and 4; the victims not of ambition, t of an unfortunate necessity. A scene of weeping will probably be likewise by this eminent tragedian ; he will embrace some person, i ‘ning to somebody who has been assassinated by his certain tears over the object or individual, as the case be. These crocodile’s roy having been sup to have washed ~ LY}. i ae coon, OSes re will be a general of Matboring, sgenuece a universal "it of enthusiasm, itself in ! Vive ? Empereur! A bishop he whole cs ceremony ce Naplo lemnities will conclude with a then the revolution will begin over again ; and there will be more more hter, more public works, 4 dances. likely, to some church, as | All these things are written on the open page of the Book of Fate: and will inevitably come true, unless France turns over a new leaf. Wonders will never cease. Tue following remarkable occurs in a letter in the Morning Post, on French affairs, s' J. Rrpex Burros :— catastrophe of the decapitation of Louis XVI, the body marching about without a insinuation thet th the body politic of France i VL, and that t h i still enacting the miracle of Sr. Denis. pb. 344k when he penned the passage? to which we beg to call the attention of Da. Newmay and the fathers of the Oratory, as something rather more their way than in ours. FRENCH NUTS TO CRACK. Gopelition of Pe! houses on the riddled all the windows, has that all the ingenuity of the Parisians PROTECTION FOR LAWYERS.—MR. DUNUP’S BALANCE SHEET. Ay stent has bons secendle sade Sp chow the vase of uno Toad by the publication of the Balance Sheet of Ma. Mecu, a epirited E. in the country, and an en yo hey whose blades of penknives and blades of grass are — y famous for their excellence. In order to show the fearful want Protection to the stuff and horsehair interests of the Bar, Ma. Duwvur has determined on giving to the public—he has little else to give—his last year’s Balance Sheet. Crepiror, A Pair of Scales, including a balance (not A Coat, running to seed, intended for Turnips (a bunch) for fatiening Clerk Stock on hand, and other Stock ( A small thrashing machine (cons! Two Horses—one for clothes and One Wagon (a mahogany Dinner tan Standing Tree (a boot-tvee) . at bis Banker's) . sewing . . — ofacane) . for towels cococooc® eoror craweo nr = = | ts | ale = Depror. It would be hopeless to attempt to give, within the limited dimen- sions of our columns, anything like a detailed account of the per contra side of the affairs of Ma. Dunvr. There a however, one healthy symptom about his case; for it is clear the learned gentleman’ 8 credit was at one time good, or a respectable amount ‘of liability. In stating, however, that bis gains this year have been NIL, and that his losses being also NIL—representing everything he had to lose—we allege sufficient to show, by Mz. Duwvr’s —s, = urgent necessity for a restoration of Protection to the Britisl rister. “ Base Exception,” (loquitur). “V sure I pow’r cane ’ow vinty ’is Boots 1s. Ir’s quite «a PLEASURE TO DO HANYTHINK FOR SUCH A NICE Gent as Mounszzr Bonvrart.” Pantomimes and Politics. Punca, on behalf of his friends, Messns. Mennymay, presents his compliments to the Lonp CHAMBERLAIN, and having understood that his lordship intends to enforce a rigid “censorship this year on the pantomimes, in reference to allusions to foreign affairs, begs to inquire whether it will be considered as a personal affront to Louis NAPOLeos, if the Clown shall, this year, perform bis customary and time-honoured feat of swallowing a string ¢ of sausages ? A BITTER CUP. Tue friends of Louis NaProtzow ingeeey tenants Be aie a8 ; for if the military, he did not ope eee | | he would never have been Ole to show such | |

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272 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL LORD CHAMBERLAIN AND LORD AAkLeOUIN | Wer “at | the last ay 9 lg the | chfi Of the | taap Cu .. His of | is the of cian ; and | with the motion hid- den mischief, latent —, reveals = . Very properly wen hid Loraship made the guardian ot public morals ; or, rather of that section of public = morality that visits ae ue the playhouses. It is 7 st pi seseraly wn t the CuApen car licenses all the muslin petticoats of the dancers , and his Lordship, being on his native hills a kilted Scotchman, has, of course, an instinctive sense of what 1 the longitudinal propriety of a petticoat. Ele measures the muslin with his wand of office as rigidly as a linen-draper measures web by statute yard. This is very proper ; hence Her Majesty’s Theatre—the ballet being on—is the somewhile abode of all the proprieties. Prudery herself may be seen in stall or private-box, with an instructed Quakeress dotting the pit. The Lorp CuamBeRratrn has, moreover, doubled his moral value as a conservator of public decency. H.s watchful spirit is ever mani- tested in the delicacy of the text of every new and every translated drama. Hence, the parable of the Prodigal Son is presented to us as— according to play-bill English—“‘ a shrieking” burlesque, and Mr. Sitspee—an excellent actor, if he were not too much encumbered by | refinement ; a little weighted by an over-sense of delicacy of gesture and expression—and Yankee SitsBee permitted te invocate “ Moses in the bulrushes” as a familiar acquaintance. Yes, the moral value of a Licenser | of Plays is evident to the lowest capacity that pays its sixpence at the gallery. However, heretofore pantomimes were not licensed by the Cuam- BERLAIN ; that is, no more than the fairy opening of the revel : for when Harlequin and Clown started, they were tacitly sanctioned as char- tered satirists. ‘I'ricks and transformations went free; and our easy, jocu: d CoamBer.ay took no heed of them. But itis very different now. BeeaDALRane, like any Weasel on Hills—supposing that any one weasel can get a living ADALBANE is awake. Yes; the CHAMBERLAIN goes mime; insists upon having every trick and change Official eye, that he may duly consider Whether the: isaffected epigram | hidden in the mat a Se igram as to a thistle—some rebellious j . _ But here is| the official command, as i CHAMBERLAIN'S Office — | “ Lordi Chamberittth's Office. “Sir,—IT am directed by the Lonp Cuampratars to inform you, that ig consequence of complaints havtug been made to him respecting the introduction of certain cha- racters or allustoms fmto various seenic to whith no reference is made ia the maneseripts submitted for examination, bia future all such additions, whether seenie or pantomimie, be noted in full on) the manaseript as stage directions.—I am, Sir, your obedient servant, N. H. MacponwaLp, To ———, Manager of the . It appears that last season MArsuat HAay¥At was made the butt! —the brewer’s butt—of the pantomimists, and Austria talked of with-| drawing her ambassador. With impunity, become more audacious; and we have before us—we shall not say how obtained, or from what theatre it emanated—the MS. of a Pantomime sent to be licensed by the Chamberlain, with the withering and indignant remarks of the censor BaeaDALBANE on the presumptuous production. The Pantomime was audaciously called—“ Harlequin Property-Tax.”’ “T consider this title”—writea the Noble Official—“ of a seditious tendency. The ty-Tax, | am assured of thie fact, is to be con-| sidered an everlasting institution of the country. Satisfactory Sevenpence ! “ Scenz [.—Séreet in Lambeth. Buil in a China Shop. Wuter a tittle gentleman, dressed as a bull-fighter; he , flourishes a paper knife—throws fire- works at the bull, that fizz, but won’t burn; bull turns round, when [little gentieman leaps a door, wh? changes to door of in Street; large READALBANE.” Change title for Tie| “This scene must be cut out—out—out. It is very offensive ; there can, I think, be no doubt of the parties intended. It must be Docron Wiseman | ime Minister ! 1 val and the Prime the scene may as thus—make the Bull yy 4 Bail, with Doron Wsmwax on hi back, through ring in his nose. — Fe “Scene [1.—Bond Street: Office for Protection of British Produce. Curly-headed Juggler from Bucks enters: down square of carpet ; makesa office; and declares that eid. i wg absolutely famish, ealbssiecs renee will Yanko op he wil eupa show them = it 4 be io_ — — juggler, in a with a coronet, with which goes round to collect the halfpence.” “ There can be no doubt of the tendency of this scene. The Hon. Member for Bucks, with a Noble Duke, is pointed at. The scene must oe copia, ene ene ines con be i who will really and truly jump down his own : the thing may then stand with this deserved compliment te the powers of Mr. DisRaBLL B—.” ‘ “ Scene a Enter the Wiid bien Ad gts me i im with his club; w! in . the rebounds from the glass as from the vulgar and mali a resemblance to Loan Seymour (although noble L more like a shepherd of Arcady; he is So gentle, a wine wed to have tts Snahing mite ight t is allowed to have bis noble wa and ieft, and then, to show at onee his hardihood triumph, dent a hornpipe among the pieces. . “T have further to object”—writes the Lono Cramsertary—* to of what are calted tricks, as containing in them innuendoes dan- gerous to tite Government. Why, for in ¢, should the CramBrn- Larx’s wand be tarned into a snake, and é to eat up Gold Stick and Silver Stick? Besides the profane ty of the alfusion, can only see in that trick a low and radical advocacy of retrenchment, “ Again, wherefore should the noble Master of the Backh be turned into a Windsor stat, to be hunted and worried ‘OBDEN Bricnt, and Hvwe, as 7ray, Blanche, and Sweetheart? is ‘an invidious blow at the post and salary of my distinguistied friend. “* And the Maids-of-Honour! Are not they even sacred avainst the levelling spirit of Retrenchment? Tf not, why should they (in the [ _ | Must be omitted. |Richmond scene) be turned into Maids-of-Monour cakes, and so te eaten up by Stk Wwat's-n1s-yamre Wartrsrey? Cot it ont. “That the Guards’ mess should be changed into a Quakers’ Meeting is an insult to that gallant corps not to be endured, “I mast also protest pola the incident iu which Cor. S—n—?, | order to obtain a pure supply of water for the M lis, is set the Thames on fire. [ believe such an insinuation to be Wh undeserved by that individual as a member of society, and unworthy of him as an officer and a gentleman. : “The last scene, I pereeive, ends in the Garden of Hesperides, with a Shower of Fire. You will be pleased to change the scene to Downing Street, with all the Ministers upon marble }; Peace and Plenty, with garlands, dancing round them ; Joun BuLi, in grateful attitude ; the whole saturated in a shower of sovereigns. BawapaLBane.” fa ; Parisian Fashions for December 1851. Ar the beginning of the present month the favourite colour was a ot SR So te ee tae deal of — SH - - - “of my he a It seen in points by way 1 The material most in requisition has Seon Meesta’ Soe eo bee much worn by members of ttre Assembly and the writers for the news- papers. Lours Naporzon’s Prnawrp.—“ Soldiers, forty centuries of Cham- pagne bottles are looking down tpon you! ” Bur roo Tavz.—Lovis Naroreo® Was stopped thie Sizcle. be changed, with a striet to truth, |

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ere ties [AN nay ith, ck 3 o #2, go asese meee fsa PSSe Mr. and Mus. Baxen are discovered seated at Mrs. BaKER. certainly was a flea—if not seve I may say [ didn’t sleep a wink, in consequence. Mr. Baxer, of course. But I it. I’m sure you snored to that from sleeping. Mr. Baker (pertinaciously), You are well aware I never do snore, Mus. Kaxen. But of the existence of one, if not more fleas, in the Of bakker to a quart 0’ water, ‘ot, house, L’m positive ; so we is Me Baran 1’m sure | ed I’m quite aware of that. dog in any house we have been in, Mrs. . Oh! of smoke Da the way from there’s nothing I hate in the world so much as the smell of tobacco. subject ; but you seem to every thing PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 273 We | ane ~) - W TAKING A LEAF OUT OF THE FRENCH BOOK, THE LICENSER OF PLAYS INTERFERING WITH THE PANTOMIMES. MRS. BAKER’S PET. AN INTERVAL OF A WEEK OF CONTINUED ANNOYANCE, ARISING MORE OR LESS REMOTELY FROM THE PET, BETWEEN THIS SCENE AND THE LAST. Scenz 4,—The Baxens have hired a Page. The Pet breaks out in “ licks,” and means are taken lo remove them. ast, which has now breakfi @ joyless meal, from the grievances which the Pet has established in the Samily, and which are invariably paraded at): breakfust time, Mr. Baker. By the way, Mus. Baxwr, do you know, I think I noticed a flea last night. Mrs. Baker. Oh, stuff! Mu. Baker, You are always fancying something or other. Mr. Baker (aggravatingly), 1 don’t fancy them, 1 can You know how anything of the kind annoys me, ie. hers ral—last night, Mus. Baker. Mrs. Baker (in the same Offensive tone), You my ieving you don’t insist on my , the nuwise quite prevented me | as well drop the subject. associations). Ah! there’ - thatllll, t0-—thnt page, that I was fool | h to jet you talk me into lazy young vagabond Wes. Baker (rising with dignity), >? you use language like that, Mz. Bakes, you might remember that J am in the room— Mr. Baker (rising Sarcels). Oh, pray don’t trouble yourself to go, Ma’ a= m going. I’m glad to say, there’s the omnibus. Mrs. Baker, Make me feel that your home is distaste‘ul to you, = Baker—by ail means. { Mam/fests of cryt Mr. Baker (rushing owt). An! you'd better accuse me of sobien it so, next. Exit. He is seen to climb Sapte. re with the air of one who escapes from a disagreeable sit Mrs. Baker (looking out after the pose I’m | I can’t think | what has come over Baker. He used to be so easy and good-natured, land now he’s as snappish, and disagreeable, and peevish, and un- | pleasant in every way. —(A seratching is heard al the , and a whine.) Ah! there’s Scamp. (Mus, qa 4 the door. Scamp, who is Kastte tar hich ott Wel olin chattsee 8 postlive orders—obeyed afler a but utterly Subrie of the Baxuus’ hes in, and ‘testifies wr iagi at the sight of his the pleasure), Poor Scamp! poor fellow | Was it giad to see its mistress, then ?—down, there sa good dog It mustn’t dirty its mistress’s gown so; down, then! Fieas!—I’m sure he no more has fleas than Ma. Baker has himself—and he’s particular enough, |’m sure. Did its master say that it had fleas? poor dog! but it hadn’t—had it, then? (She feels that Scamp is dearer than ever, under this unmerited accusation However, SPRIGGLES may as well look. (She rings the bell) Mu. i = can’t abide him, either; though {’m sure he waits very well and is a great comv@nicnce in every way—and understands dogs so well, Eater Svriccies (the ver rly (James Spriccies is the son ‘3 ews, and “re as i Geum of sport A snr varie professes (0 Sarr re se on the pron manf etary hm by Scam. py Stee, short hair ; an accurate r may detect Pc ik Tow Liee inthe the g's buttons. Mrs, ~~ a. pine ak oben . —- 1‘ flea ot oon en the beds. jollt pa Mrs. Baker Sj pr Look here! "tm. ‘Catches SCAMP, who is lites 3 Patianeicle, about Men dex divs thows Miicled ris ara Gea he ha a an = chyna Sul thas would do credit to an hee third term. Mrs. Baker (in it tan Ord —. fone an heey Stator” 2.5 Jered aaron Sie’ wich ther ee TK dun arshic, wich they ~~ it’s dangerous is arsnic r into the bones and kills ’em. Mrs. Baker (eagerly). Oh! ! we won't try that, Sraricoiezs. Spriggies. But our guy’ nor he always used bakker-water—two ounces let it stand; and wash ’em twice well over, and don’t wash it orf till about ap hour arter—that ’s wot we Mrs. Baker (bitterly). Certainly. I’m sure it was not I introduced | always used at the uy ’nor’s, and that always settled ’em, | know, ’m. house. Mr. Baker, There, Mus. Baxer! You won't rg hee subject, you see. Mrs. Baker. Because you know perfectly weil there never jas been such a thing in any house we have ever been in. Mr. Baker (eagerly his hit at Scamr).tNo, Mrs. Baker; | But there never has neither. course it Ps the dog, as usual! _ .. Me ede at Ppa irrilation), Yes, you'd better blame me fais | ary ahs sone of clerks on the outside of the omnibus, will Bank here; as if you didn’t know ~* Mrs. Baker. Weil, 1’m sure L dn wish for any more words on the | ure in making words about | Spareeres to look for the flea Mr. Baker (in whom the name of YerIec es appears to wake painful} whatever, now. rll t never have imagined anything 80 (With intention). | 3 a next, it will be that poor dog that brings the smell of cigars Mrs, Baker, On! well—yon ’ re sure you can make it, Spaigeiys ? Spriggles. Oh yes, ’m. Mrs. Baker, And you know where to get the right sort of tobaceo ? Spriggles (grinning involuntarily), Well, ’m, 1 rayther think so, Mrs, Baker. Then, if you will, Ton Mg? have it done to-day. Spriggles. Yes, ’m; I’ve got to go to the Libery,’m; and I’ve the been such a thing as a| ~~ , ~ things, and the ’ouse *m; but then I will— , SmicciEs. ’m' sure I hadn’t the least idea the ~ ¢- Fann re fleas. {Eri Spacers, yy deep ramp! poor dog' Had it nasty fleas, then (A lapse of several hours, during which M ASTER SPRIGGLES has been employed more or less actively in his various avocations, His visit to the Library, in partionlar, has taken him a long time, as he prefers a circuitous route, which takes lam a mile ont of his cae but enables him to gratify his filial feelings ings by a call at the paternal Mews, where there are + Sows ore generally rat-hunts, badger-Laits, or other interesti Natural Hisiry going on. = visit to the Ti 5» Posing 8 rape occupied some time, as he has taken the opportunity of try ral varieties of lobacco, no doubt to find out which is Scame’s purification. compassion.) Poor

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ow —— — 274 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARL

Mas. = = Enter Maxx. Mrs. Baker. Has that boy come back with that tobacco yet, Mary ? se naan Mary. Yes,’m ; pe pe m. Beri of bald pons St eee | (At th ioment evidence of the fact is afforded, by an © you enjoy a bit genuine acting touch pooad ow, oT comes j AP Bd Iz niin ta that is not dealt with a roiling-pm—a point, not made the elbow of actor in the stomach of his brother Kalter Scamv, bounding along before James Srnice ss Sepouiiansbesl y You do? of one in the si wag | Then go see Cuantzs Matuews in Mr. | a large bowl of tobacco-water, the scent of which overpowers Mus. Baker. Affable Hawk, \t is the triumph of effrontery: the alchemy Mrs. Baker, Good gracious me ! how very strong it is! of impudence, turning brass to gold. Hawk has the cool Sprigoles. It ain’t no use if it ain’t stiffish, ’m. purpose, the subtlety of self-assured genius. The swindler Baker. But how ever are we to hold him ? eg poke yy enlarged into a great moral presence. His sophistry Spriggles.Ates it like pison, ’m. I'll ’old him, ’m, if you'll rub it im, and makes his black quite as candid as his neighbour’s white. Mile. Baker, Ve rod: bat it reall heir ith light, they would rs. Ba ery well ; bat it almost makes me sick. t purse-strings ; and wii so , wo 7 4 not brush the — from wing of ——. Hawk twitches and draws = R.. almost pity his creditors—rascals though the } presence of the peed ct borrower. He would, beguiling | the snake, coax a rabbit from the folds of a boa. A creditor enters, a coarse abusive rascal. Hawk presents to him that serene face, that ample brow brazen as a door-plate ; and, at a word, the brute is the most obsequious of lenders. Another whining creditor appeals to Hawk's compassion ; and, dropping upon the hypoerite with the softest swoop, — my A. is ibe ioe’; his oe Nothing . e from Mr. 4 ey y nius an | fine art of the actor. Reed ar od’ lncade laid her ‘one daily golden egg by ete could a have refused to retreat to So — aad lay Aim a second,

A BATCH OF INSULTS. Nosopy does know, nobody can know, and nobody ever will know, what we are obliged to suffer from the hands of a set of persons who are always stabbing us in the dark through our letter-box. For example: we have been asked, at this festive season of the ear—and we confess it has ‘a little dashed our spirits” to have the question put to us —“ What is the antithesis to good nat ?— art-ed.” We had scarcely recovered from the shock offered to our feelings by the above outrage, when we were laid prostrate by the following “ Why are persons born blind unfit to be carpenters ?— Because they never saw.” We do not know what we have done to deserve all this ; but we lay it before the public, that it may be seen what we have to endure in the service of our country.

Solo for a Civic Festival. | Frow on, thou tidal River! But ere thou reach the sea, Turn back to Town, and give her } Back all she casts in \ Along thine oozy borders, Corrupt and taint her blood, Diffusing dire disorders From foul malarious mud!

The operation begins. Scamp is caught and secured by Spniceies, while Mus. Baker begins to wash him with the powerful detergent, and — assists, The er ube a Louis Napoleon's new Legion. Louis Napo.zoy, following, after a fashion, in the steps : S th = iesieied 5 Ye ay at the windo hee f t ws 0 Mr. Baker (in ‘the page. Eh! b wel, t have brought a strong smell in with me armel po mnt As yet ov doves this new order of cigars

from those nasty fel It seems stronger in the house, too ivalry is unprovided with a cordon, as there is only one | (Enters the parlor. | | that oral be suitable to it; and they ne imme chines Mrs. Baker (starting up). Ob, it’s Mr. Baxer! ‘differently in France, where the reward of Mr. Baker. Good gracious ! what ’s this horrid smell ? deliberate murder is 20¢ a <A Mrs. ae, pang s only a ues Semaees-outen, my dear. You were quite right ; | Scamp ew fleas, we ‘re ing ‘em Ligh ations. Ma. Baker glares wildly for a moment—is about to ee sieaie himself, ‘od seas + ee rushes ond of the house. Scamp howls for pity BaKER, SPRIGGLES, | France is like the Sun. Her brilliancy is Glory and Many gaze upon each other with that this is rather vesembies the hee Aegan anh 7 Lc too strong. enlarge ‘ml — - |system. All the Bates of the Continent move around her, — So tion, . , the mean time France, fixed in endid posi Oh, Name Him Not ' | yet rotating on her own axis, exists in a continual state Vaniovs titles have been given to Louis NaPoteon, and some people have called | of revolution, without ever getting on. } him all mannerof names. By some he is termed the Prince President ; by others, the Dictator; but perhaps the tet title to in allusion to the game he THE FRENCH PRESIDENT’S DRILL. has been playing, would be that of U simited Eon “4

So completely is France a military uation, | that bodies | of its private citizens even, have been drilled by Louis Review or “ A Fascor or Fazycu Sricxs.”—Very good fuel. NapoLzon—with bullets.

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A BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK; Or, the Brummagem Bonaparte out for a Ride.

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r Interview with the Syric-Lebanon Pr Asgentnts ou SOR eta tne, | ST ie rely ny aeige wr 123 City Private Thentzicals, 67 Female Street Orderlies (The), 29 Invasion of Coe, 124 before esty Chareh, Suppositi A), 266 p> hn Peer bon ies - Fe Secmpetacls Hatin i6u Hd Warde ~~ (a), 179 Iron ones the Iron Bridge, bss jesiast 4 Is the Lr Alarming Sacrifice in Hymeneals. 222 Cenk of the Bec ical Weather (The), | very Crose (The). ie din ins | eee ea cake prea aah meh y | Clork Epidemic (The), 261 Fitzfanks in France (The), 146 | It’s ao lil Fire that Berns Good fo ——_ ~ ay | Coal and Kob-i Noor | A dislogue), 199 * Five Nights of St. Albans” (The), 211 Nobody, 94 a m. Weok | (The) ; ver of the Corn Market (The), Flowers of the Oratory 133 Janemian, you Needa’t Blow y r ae oe a, ~¥ “ | — + Foreign Families of Ovstiaction, 136 106, : - eis “~T Lord, ’ cert vent a) Joh ‘Ball, take care of your All Roued the Mayor's Hat, 270 | Conpabial Guovz Nd ye oe an B and ~— nae y Teg A = be + io Poste tp i 149 a eee Desa oguie The), 176 French Dictator to hie Army (The), 267 | Journey ee one 3%), 4,15 = . 125 Judges at a = ee Sa a ans vd yan oa = Yor ~y wte y Prisadty nauaae onthe Bett-aeek, Lay Kine Street Arcadia ( 263 Another ek lye we Soavene BOs of C-aam (The | 267 Friends of Italy (The). 65 —— Garrun Tower (Wie), 187 4 ightebridge -_ Another Performer of “‘ La Pigtia,’’ 104 Corporation ** Caren,” S. ion — —— aw vy tad ome 257 aA po +7 Barracks pasmtat Prisnde is the er Sten: rhe a: ws | Prout Row of the Shilling Kossuth, 160, 207, 908 Austria's Friends in the City, 138 W inter ¢ rs be 7. Oe Gallery b meme Ny . wane eae t Poetry, 299 Funny Market (The), 197 Kossuth for Ever, 234 ee ioe ae on -_ Fuony Market and Witty Intelligence, | Kossuth for the dition. eee aes sie ** copverted (The), 195 211, 266 Lanes of Killarney (The), 219 een been Bees tee | eal, faire (Th ), 234 ” GaP i. the Great Exhibition, 31 Larking oo the Railway, 127 Ballad of Sweet Dizzy The), 163] | Crisis of Affairs (The), pa Alp ty meme oy cnenan te taaen B (The), Ballooning at Home and Abroad, 155 | Crouch, Britannia ! = = = ee Se -—, oodle Barg with a Rifle (A), 177 | Crown and the 7s ( " a a af Rastian™ (Sees, 5 A a — a yao tag | ee Pune Oe ie 4 (The), 94 Good News tor the Nostrils, 112 178 pon ~ be Recited on the Closing of the an sy Saartyle, ber Doom of the Dirty Officers (The ,a a of London during the Last Week, wT. = H pag ot oy Lg By eee Coeaks io =. Herdlbte Fragments, 67, 103, 124 Literary intolinenee (Exclusive), 247 Boa and the Blanket (The), 252 | Eccyesiasticat — ne, m t=) 4a Aes: ponea, #9 re pee og Dont --f ~~ — > ag - preety hates, andy 187 hj Heretic Death Naterai, 118 Little Nursery Tune (A), 156 Deeb af hones rh comeérism, 1 aa ves, London Politeness, 146 Book prt ay Sees tens far Qsears pnt Lancers, 23 | High Shere 2 ~~) a Lord Chamberlain and Lord Harlequin, of Etiquette for the City, 52 Eggs- lary 4 + te —~ " vish. ~~ he | ss _ as inte on rcing, 166 Lord Lennox’s Last, 176 tng ~~ Foote + hs tg ’ a Party (Aay, 168 Lord Mayor's Arrivai oo the Shores of in The) Siegen Ree 185 France (The), 62 } es ay neal ee | = , Ss * sat See | Hol r (The), 116 Louis Napoleon and the Almanacks, 24) en eh tama ." ces Us 4% Louis Napoleon at a!| in the Ring, 247 at Ae te oe ~ Party (Am), 2)4 Complaint (The), 237 Laliaby on the Rail, 72 pen ma Shean by I poy oh 179 en in France, 228 Macic of Horsehair (The), 197 oin@uutaun oo aa ee i Irish Atlas? 266 Man of the Diamond Jacket (The), 260 Sestan Gamh of aD ey 146 to Get on fh the Army, 32 Marvels of Medicine (The), 160 Senvie. myth ons ee ag romeo The), 112 . How to 6at a Horse's Moath, 166 Mazzini, 139 Sener be anak ls Ue x (Tv . 240 How to W rk your Medals, 178 Medicine for the Mi lion, 229 Sepa Salas th us ithe “2 mh A ‘ How the Great Protection Balloon burst, Meditations in the Exhibition, 9 _. roy ae a oes —# Lecture on 159 | Meering of the Bloomers (The), 166 c ’ oss = eh ue” (A), 134 | wth : Huamoars of the Rail, 178 Meeting (very) Extraordinary of the Chalienge = "s (A), ° Aap Sebeee 180 Cocareite Leadie (The). 78° | Be Sevsstectss Remate (beh, 168, S00, | Srpmestan of the Hcty Gon, 9 Mesmeriom at the Custom House, 30 sam nery - 4. part loome: - ‘ m) | Miraculous Cabbage, (The), 134 tokeeeenereiesd eo puta oO | Modern G-diva (The), 261." - Londoa pected acome € Right Modere Sea-Song, \44 } h tu ay ty le2 on Teaie tor ~14 145 ' Reverend Mr. Punch | Tos) = | Moles Indigewe, 7 pray = + the if yf the Cabstand, 73 Monkey Tribe of the Metropolis (The), Charch Bellis and their Uses, 218 Extraordinary Vision st the Mansion Independence of Chureh latelligence, 32 House, 91 Ingiese Family (An), 147 4g

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278 INDEX. Mons. (Jullien) io Labour Agnin (The), a3 More aboat Cabs, 30 Most Difficait Question to Decide (A). 54 | Mr. Molony on the Position of Bar and the A'torecys, 212 Mr. Pepys bie Ghost at the Queen’s Ball, 9 Mr. Panch’s Review of the Session (A), 194 a@ Cab Pares (The), 261 | Opew Locks when Hobbs Kaocks, 219 | Opewing end Closing of the Crystal Palace, #0 | ; TG 3 Panch’s Notes and Queries, 163, 193 Punch’'s Senitary Commission, 207 Punster’s Pate (The), 6 Quear a 's Gho«t, 251 of Stale Eggs (A) 1)! Race Ponche a la Romaine, 66 Pius Police Extraordinary, 257 Policeman's Home (The), 250 74 Railway Traveller's Farewell to his Family (The), 139 Rather Too Much of a Good Thing, 2423 Real Bloomerism, 156 Real Curse to Mothers (A). 170 Real Nut to Crack (A), 115 Road to the Crys’al Palace (The , Miracles, 158 h, 241 — (The), 169 )e Better ‘Bebeviour of Hon. Raral Mind on the Fé:es at Paris (The), 73 Sacnitsctous Outrage, 177 Sad Want of Reflection, & Saint of St. Alban’s (The), 6 Sambo to the Greek Slave, 105 Save Mr. Paxton, 72 School for Poor Children (The), 233 School to form Schollards (A), 15s Serenades for ye Ball, ile Serious Diff 144 Sermons in Tataneon) Stones, 187 Shabby Turn-oat (A), 66 Saskepearian Fragment, 2!9 Snail the Crystal Palace Stand? 178 S-ege of Gibrait+r at Cremorne, 93 Signs of the Times, 253 Sky- meng Sons ( The), 187 Smoke C 145 Something Lixe a Miracie, 216 Something io the Cupbosrd, ig! Song for Harvest Home, 155 Song of the North Kent Railway (The), 106 Song of the Pump (The), 31 Song of the Shoeblack (The), 1'6 Siancered King Bomba (The), #6 Sonnet on the Submarine Telegraph, 222 220 trali with A St. Louis and Louis Napoleon, | 21 St. Patrick’s Journals, 195 Stabie Mind (The), 105 Starved-out Ambassadors, 12 Stories «f Ragged Schoois, 106 String of Poetic Pearls (A), 72 Submarine sone (The), 164 j i of the French Tele- | ~— 169 San to Punch (The), 25 Sweets of Loyaity (The), 202 Tea and Shrimp Nuisance (The), 96 Tea. Totaller’s Wish (A), igs Terrib’e Silence (A), 169 Testimonial to the Suitan (A), 103 “There 's Poison in the (Tea) Cup,” 14 Thieves’ Kitchen (The), 12 Things lefc behind, 118 Thiegs which Mr. Hobbs is at perfect liverty to Pick, 111 Testimo. jal (The), 251 Three Months at Sea with a Piper, 106 Tiger Sensibility, 267 Time ’s oat of Mind, 231 Yo Bishops of Neglected Education, 46 To Hobtins Biobb, Esq., 207 To my Brother British Dramatists, 237 “To Noble Writers,” $8 Top-booted School (The), 200 LONDON : BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WSITEFERLARA, Vested Interests in Kaightsbridge Bar- racks, 240 Visit to the British Cousul’s at Boulogne, (A), & “ Voice of the Charmer ” (The), 16 Voice of the Exile, Vote-ive Offer ng (A), 228 Voters ard Bioaters, 221 Vulgar Error (A), 63 Wacerntas of Weggett (The), 2 Wanted, a Fog, 267 Waterloo Banquet (The), 5 We ail have our Hobbies, 123 What an Eye dear! 108 What is the Water Bailiff? 194 What Language do they Speak in Cali- fornia? 186 What Next? 263 What shall be done unto the Sultan 170 What to do with Part of the Surplus? 186 What we are to expect in /852, 239 What 's in an (Aristocratic) Name, 25 Wheat "s the ase of the Gazette ? 249 Where is Mazeppa? 201 Which is the best way of Testing a Blade? — 93 Who is Le Newton? 257 Who'll buy our Indulgences? 12! Why did the ** America” beat us? 118 | Will Wateh im the City, 253 Winter Garden (The), 97 Winter Garden in Paris, 71 | Wisdom Preaching in the Streets, 94 Woman’s Em'gration, 3 Wonderful Whalers (The), 242 Wonders of Hungerford Hail (The), 222 Wonders of the Refreshment Room, 7: Yanaee Doonus at Cowes, 102 _ Nero's Lest, 237 * Your Very Humble Servant,"’ !9!

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