Puck 1916-11-18: Vol 80

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WEEK ENDING NOVEMBER 18, 1916 PRICE TEN CENTS MULL PUTT TF Drawn by Hal. Burrows “ Well, dear, what was the name of the show you saw today?” . ? + “I can’t remember, but the dresses were by Bernice; the shoes by Flammayer 85 the parasols by Smythe and Browne, and the hats by the Maison Mounette!

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PD ea tee eee Confidence and Jobs A New York judge recently saw fit to speak with some sharpness and severity to a white- faced prisoner who declared mournfully that he couldn’t get a job. By way of showing what could be done in the job-getting line, the judge leaped nimbly from the bench, put on his new fedora hat, strode masterfully into the street, ‘ and brusquely demanded a job from the first 1 two employers with whom he came in contact. E In half an hour’s time the judge became the Cc proud possessor of two jobs. Basing his re- marks on this achievement, the judge declared passionately that the prisoner didn’t know what he was talking about when he said that he ri couldn’t get a job. There is, however, another d: acute-angled aspect to the case. The judge, a secure in the knowledge that he had a position de which couldn’t be taken away from him, that “i his grocery bill had been paid to date, that he be had upward of fifty-seven dollars in the bank and that a leg of mutton graced the ice-chest, GEM BLADES P would make much more of an appeal to an em- IR ATOR fe ployer than would the jobless individual who Wray -and that's bi had a hole in the sole of his left shoe and felt in the GEM way. Cost most to make—least to buy and use. Efficient ar his heart the biting fear that there weren't any design and surdy construction make outfit expen : jobs to be had. ‘The judge was a man of affairs, Double-Service it lowest priced real outtit to buy. To pay less is B. capable of meeting any man in the country face Blades folly—to pay more is waste; be wise—buy a GEM. St to face and feeling that he was just as good as Beautifully bal- GEM CUTLERY CO., Inc., New York Be the person to whom he was talking. The job- ak ee Canadian Branch: 591 St. Catherine St. W., Montreal G hunter, after being turned down a few times, pane I = would have been willing to concede that almost mee ey A anyone had the right to take a kick at him. a Any wideawake employer would have given the 7 for 35c judge a position, even if he had to sandbag a | ar faithful old employee who hadn’t taken a va- | w cation for eleven years in order to do it. The | of judge’s experiment didn’t necessarily show that Outft includes w job: i Service ly Rm any man can get a job: it showed that there ive gné cireppiog are plenty of jobs for the person who feels the Dollar. ) ny pe m proper confidence in himself. All that a job- handsome Case. hunter need do is to drink about four fingers of ru essence-of-confidence before venturing forth to wi beard the employer in his den. | Simeon a ne | By the Author of “The Iron Woman” on *‘I saved this Younc Hospitau Nurse: Is he really dead? dress for O.p Hosprrau Nurse: Yes—have you only worked in movie studios? gil ar Bess: Yes—she married Jack, just to get th even with Bob! What she won’t do to him for butting in to her love affair with Bob, won’t be ai worth’ mentioning! = “You remember that awful grease “A new novel by Mrs. Deland, is tir spot? I took it out with— always a joy. When, as in ‘The | Poet: How can a chap get rich on ten dollars ; Rising Tide,’ she brings her talents to y capital? bear upon one of the most difficult mm problems of our time, setting up the Refoarsr: You probably mean, “how can Cl \ Fl id new thought against the old in perfect thi he get richer? eaning Lb ite § fairness and understanding, she not su only gives pleasure, but she makes a th And, my dear, you can use Carbona ; f ag “a distinct contribution to the discussion wi r " bi © rt bec t > ° . V apres W hat do we do — a storythat | a. an Sere Apc - a regarding the changing order. 7 Mrs. the editors reject’as too improbable? color. Deland has lost none of her skill. The Dasuer? I turn it into a scenario, add a few I. like it, too, because ft fe characterization of the strait - laced community who form the chorus in more improbabilities and sell it for the movies. ectly safe to use day or — y poor Freddy’s little tragedy recalls the for night—you know Carbona is the one cleaning fluid the delightful people of the old Chester im; Puysictan: You shouldn’t attend so many that— tales.” —Phila. Public Ledger. ‘i picture shows. They are a severe strain on the will not explode.”’ $1.35 net oe gt 15c.—25c.—50c.—$1.00 bottles HARPER & BROTHERS, New York an Mrs. Dasuer: But think how restful they At all druggists Established 1817 th are to the mind. | ii When writing to advertisers, please mention Puck

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10 cents a copy $5.00 per year Entered at N. Y. P. O. as Second-Class Mail Matter. Copyright, 1916, by Puck Publishing Corporation Trade-Mark Registered in the United States and Great Britain.) Editor, General Manager, Kart SCHMIDT. Foster GILROY. The contents of Puck are fully protected by copy- right, and must not be reproduced without permission. PuBuisHERS’ Notice: Pucx is published every Mon- day (dated the following Saturday) by the Puck Publishing Corporation, 210 Fifth Avenue, Madison Square, New York City; (Nathan Straus, Jr., Presi- dent and Treasurer; Foster Gilroy, Secretary). PUCK is mailed to subscribers at $5.00 per year or $2.60 for six months. Canadian subscriptions, $5.50 per year, $2.75 for six months; Foreign, $6.00 per year, $3.00 for six months. All communications should be addressed to the Puck Publishing Corporation. Puck will use its best care with MSS., but cannot be held responsible for their loss, nor can it be held responsible for MSS. remaining uncalled for after 30 days. MSS. sent in by mail should be accompanied by a self-addressed and stamped envelope or wrapper, otherwise they cannot be returned. Puck is on sale in Europe at the various branches of the International News Co., and the Atlas Publishing and Distributing Co.; Brentano's, Paris; Wm. Dawson & Sons and W. H. Smith & Sons, London; Hachette et Cie, Paris, and Basle, Lausanne and Geneva, Switzerland. London Office: Puck, 6 Henrietta Street, Covent Garden, W. C. Send Puck for Christmas Elsewhere in this number will be found an announcement of the Curistmas Puck, which will surpass in size and in brilliancy of color and contents any double-number we have ever printed. Why not send Puck to someone for Christ- mas? Five dollars purchases a constantly recur- ring gift that each week reaches the recipient with renewed evidence of your thoughtful- ness. For a dollar bill, Puck will be mailed to any address for thirteen weeks, and all trial subscriptions sent in during the holiday season will start with the big Christmas double-number. In every case, where Puck is sent as a gift, a handsome card is mailed, so as to arrive on Christmas morning, announcing the donor. In ordering Puck as a Christmas gift, be careful to state that is intended as a gift, so that the card may be mailed at the proper time, and be equally careful to give your own name and the name of the friend whom you wish to remember. For the three months’ trial subscription, the coupon on the reverse of this page is sufficient — just write your own name on the margin, mark it “Christmas Gift,” and we will attend to the rest. Enter the Autoped Girl The Autoped makes ‘its debut as a subject for cover illustration in the handsome paint- ing by Everett Shinn which adorns next week’s Puck. This is the first time this new “scooter” has made its appearance in print, and the novelty of it serves to make it one of the most striking in conception we have had in many weeks. Look out for the Autoped Girl! The Bunner Books The Ideal Gift for the Bunner Enthusiast More SHort SIXES Bound in brown buckram, gold stamped, 230 pages, 5 x 71% in- ches, illustrated by C. J. Taylor, with autograph silhouette of Mr. Bunner. THE SUBURBAN SAGE Cloth-bound stamped in gold and silver, 175 pages, 5 x 714 inches, illustrated by C. J. Taylor, with autograph portrait of Mr. Bunner. HE stories contained in these volumes have be- come celebrated through years of telling and re-telling in the homes of laughter-loving Americans. For solid, sub- stantial fun-making they have few equals in any language, and as\long as American hu- mor exists you will find these stories by Henry C. Bunner in high favor among those who know and appreciate the bet- ter quality of lighter reading. Some of the famous stories contained in these books are: The Cumbersome Early Stages of the Horse Bloomer Fever Mr. Vincent Egg & 4 = ater-Color the Wage of Sin — The Time Table The Man with the Test Prone Mr. Chedby on a The Ghoolah Regular Nuisance The Suburbanite Samantha Boom- and His Golf coay The Suburban Dog My Dear'Mrs. Bill- The Evolution of ington the Suburbanite These books are printed from large, clear type, with wide margins. They are well- made, substantially and at- tractively bound, and make a pleasing addition to any li- brary. They are illustrated by artists who have made Puck a power in the humor- ous periodical field for nearly forty years. If your Bookseller cannot supply these titles, send $1.00 by check, money-order or currency, and the desired volume will be forwarded postpaid. Both volumes to the same address, $1.90. PUCK PUBLISHING CORPORATION 210 Fifth Avenue, New York

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Wel “ a 3 . Ne Oe,” o7 ah ‘ Mid Hi Wh} | “What Fools These Mortals be!” © (amen — Y . Do your Christmas shopping early! And start out right by heading your list of indispensables with The Christmas Bree Dated December 2— On Sale November 27 In the first place, it will be the largest number of PUCK ever issued — sixty- four pages, many of them in full color. The other fifteen reasons why you should immediately take steps to in- sure the arrival of the CHRISTMAS PUCK are contained in the list of contributors to the right. N\ \ og ~* % \ ty Naha \ ° a Special % c . ollimeniangs eee. \ All trial three months’ te. % ie * subscriptions at $1.00 . & i oie, will include the incom- te ae parable CHRISTMAS Xe, ey NuMBER. Use the i *e, ‘/. * coupon to-day. ; Ae , a, “i °° “ty, \ *., ra. In Text Holworthy Hall Wallace Irwin Arthur Guiterman Chas. H. Towne Elias Lieberman Stephen Leacock Carolyn Wells James Huneker In Picture Oliver Herford Raphael Kirchner Everett Shinn Boardman Robinson Otho Cushing W. C. Morris Reginald Birch

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— Drawn by Blampied of London ie) S > a= fx] ip) > a fo) aa 5 a o =) =)

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Daily lifé fir Germany is such a matter of cards — bread cards, butter cards, egg cards and meat cards —that a card-index has become an article of household necessity for all who wish to eat. All of the state of Virginia went dry on November 1. There will now be a tremen- dous falling off in the number of persons who sing, ‘Carry me Back to Ole Virginny.”’ The styles never change among the women of Sardinia. — The Geographical Magazine. Think of living a life-time and having nothing to talk about! The lives of three Oyster Bay children were saved from fire by a Chinese laundry- man. Thus, right at the Colonel’s doorstep, as it were, we see the humiliating effect of centuries of Chinafication upon the spirit of an individual Celestial. There is such a dearth of office-boys in New York that the situation is one more thing for the tired business man to worry over. Perhaps the dearth of office boys will solve the problem of “what to do with our men over sixty.” —Drawn by Chamberlain “ Was your Hughes Suffrage Special a suc- cess, my dear?” “IT should say so! Every stop, ever so many women asked me who made my gowns.” Sleeves for evening dress are negli- gible. — Fashion item. So, we might add, are fronts and backs. War is not an unmixed evil. For instance, it has given the head-writers a new metaphor. Since the Allies began it, we now hear of great political “drives,” great foot-ball “drives “drives” in values. ” and in store advertisements, great The Colonel’s contempt for those “who keep us out-of war” was conspicuously evidenced in Cuba. So keen for war was he in the campaign at San Juan that he forced his command farther ahead than his orders warranted, and had it not been for the opportune arrival of a certain regiment of negro regulars, it is quite possible that the Rough Riders*would have been completely wiped out. If a}man cannot be trusted with a cavalry squadron, why should he be trusted with a nation? A dispatch from London states that ‘“‘the war threatens soon to become a struggle between mere boys”; that General Haig wants young men; and that “next year the Entente Allies will be facing lads of 17 in the German army.”” Grimly humorous, is it not? On the street, one of the duties of a grown man is to separate boys who are fighting, to reprove .them, and to show them the error of their ways. In war, the man’s idea is to get as many boys to fight each other as possible. E —Drawn by Hansste 1916 IDOLATRY Crown Prince: “I thought I was going to be the idol, and now I have to worship this fellow.” It has long been a truism with Mr. Dillingham and Mr. Ziegfeld that the worth of a musical production is never greater than the face value of its least important chorister. — Theatrical page stuff. Face value? Why, then, such short skirts? The premier of Japan wishes in particular, he says, to maintain friendly relations with China, and ‘‘to place the peace of the far Fast on a secure footing.” If she wishes to keep a secure footing in the far East, Peace will find it advisable to watch her step. The inventor of the steam fog-horn died in abject poverty. Possibly, he was one of those unfortunate beings who could blow everybody else’s horn but his own. If before the next presidential campaign, Theodore Roosevelt shows signs of starting another personally-conducted political party, somebody, we trust, will call in the birth- control squad and bid them do their duty. Because Humanity turned from the Divine to the Bestial, because it looked upon good as weakness, because it acknowledged might alone as Godhead, because it put up tyrants and slavishly licked the dust before their shoes, Humanity was doomed by its creator to be punished by the Flood. — Maximillian Harden. One cannot read the above without coming, willingly or unwillingly, to the con- clusion that the Hon. Theodore Roosevelt, had he lived in ‘those antediluvian days, would have been among the first to scoff at Noah and to/ call him a “coward,” a “weakling,” and, a devotee of “knitting.” At the average rate of gain for the last° 20 months, it will take the Teutons 1,012 years to become masters of France. Which would seem to indicate that on his way to that “Christmas dinner in Paris” the Kaiser would do well to make arrangements for a light picnic lunch at some pleasant spot by the roadside. Cr Ve ~aelaaes

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Verses by Berton Braley From latest advices A submarine crisis Again is impending, worse luck; For Germany’s pledges Are frayed at the edges And U-boats are running amuck. In spite of their raiding, Old England keeps trading, Her nerve isn’t shaken a bit, But U-boats are ripping Through Norway’s best shipping; The bystander ‘tis who gets hit! Von Hindenburg stated “The Frenchmen are fated To perish, their course is all run.” By way of denying This talk of their dying The French gained more ground at Verdun. THE’ NEWS IN RIME Her army all scattered Her pride badly shattered, Greece stands on the verge of a fall. It seems, and with reason, A very bad season For nations that chance to be small. Election is over, The winner’s in clover, We greet him with thirty times three; His name—but why show it? Since all of you know it As well as—or better than—we. And now that the heated Campaign is completed, The weather seems chill, on the whole: Our wool underclothing We put on with loathing, And—up goes the high price of coal. Yet, though it seems funny, From Dixie land sunny The darkies come north in a swarm; The South, lacking labor, Cries : “Dear colored neighbor Stay home, where it’s pleasant and warm. We'll nevermore lynch you, Don’t go, it’s a cinch you Are needed; we've learned that, all right! And though you be blacker Than Japanese lacquer We'll treat you exceedingly white.” Drawings by Merle Johnson Grand opera trillers Were once known as fillers Of plenty of space, but of late, New ways they’ve grown used to And some have reduced to As low as two hundred and eight! This Munsterberg party Is somewhat too smart, he Talks stuff that reads rough in the news; But then, speech is free, just So some folks can be just As asinine fools as they choose. The big games are on now ; The best brain and brawn now Will meet in the shock of the play. The horse show is running, And aren’t the girls stunning ? Do we watch the horses? Neigh, Neigh!

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-~ roel —* Don’t listen to that woman. CHORUS OF NATIONS:— I suppose we mustn MARS

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\ zy We 4, uly fe ty +4 ‘als these WV al ——— 5 Vor. LXXX ~ No, 2072 > mt ra 3¢ 2 eee Week EnpiInG NOVEMBER 18, 1916 eR EA RI ee ae On the Quiet | eee for one thing plays too big a role in college life. If you enter the campus of almost any one of our American universities on a Sunday afternoon, you will not fail to comment upon the almost monastery-like peace and quiet that prevails. The effect of a monastery will be rather . heightened than decreased when you look at the dormitories and notice that the blinds in most of them are drawn. You will, perhaps, if you are a stranger, marvel at the religious spirit displayed by these college students, many of them coming from communities where, per- -haps, a less puritanical standard obtains. However, if you express some of these sentiments to your guide, and your guide is a college man, or a man that has lived long in the vicinity of the college, he will laugh and tell you that the blinds are drawn because behind those blinds the boys are playing poker, which they must do in secret, as it is only under these circum- stances tolerated by the college authorities. Your guide will also tell you that the impressive quiet is not due to any studious atmosphere or earnest thinking going on behind those blinds, but to the character of the tops of the tables on which the poker or roulette is being played. Any man who has been at college more than a few months will, he tells you, understand how to cover the top of the table with blankets so that neither the clink of the chips and coins, nor the merry click of the beer steins and whiskey bottles will disturb that impressive Sabbath campus peace. —o— Putting Them Out of Business VERY once in so often, a bit of statistical infor- mation comes out of Washington, which for bitter irony, establishes a record all its own. We have particular reference at the moment to the following dispatch of a few days ago: Wasuincton.—A 400 per cent. increase in the oper- ating income of nine interstate express companies in the fiscal year 1916 over the fiscal year 1915 was reported by the Interstate Commerce Commission to-day. The figures were $10,560,000, against $2,556,000. A total of $175,- 000,000 was collected in the year as express charges. These pauperized public carriers that have closed their ‘fiscal year four hundred per cent. ahead of the preceding year, are the identical long-suffering corporations that threatened, or promised, however one views it, to go out of business upon the establish- ment of the United States Parcels Post. The Parcels Post is just rounding out its third year. It has done many things well and a vast number of things badly. But no item of its praiseworthy ac- complishments stands out in bolder relief than the degree of efficiency which it has forced upon the express companies. The express companies may thank the Parcels Post for this 400% gain of theirs. Under their previous inefficient, slip-shod and old-fashioned manner of doing business they would have been lucky to have shown a.4% gain. The entry of the government into their chosen field left them no choice but to adopt the same methods of efficiency that they were morally certain would obtain in a federal department. It is this new standard of operation which is responsible for the gains to which they so proudly point. Our sympathies go out to the stockholders of the old United States Express Company, which threw up the sponge in a mental panic long before the knock- out was due. —A— 9 «Do Your Christmas Shopping Early ’ po= would like to join with its contemporaries in giving voice to the above clarion-voiced slogan, but it has made a distressing discovery. So potent is the power of publicity, that the Christmas gift has moved forward with all other classes of merchandise, and is now purchased in the early Autumn. The few frenzied hours in late Decem- ber heretofore given over to the display of holiday things, are now devoted to the exploitation of Palm Beach flannels and summer straw hats for the gentler sex. Our readers, therefore, who are sufficiently old- fashioned to wish to buy their Christmas gifts at Christmastide, are advised to wait until Christmas Eve, when they will find the stores empty, the salespersons fresh ‘and courteous, and a new Stock assembled in anticipation of the following season’s buying.

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Erase Pluwnen — Drawn by Ethel Plummer “ Bob says he has taken his last drink!” “Yes — that is his favorite drink!” Making A Dramatist By K. L. Roberts (A Drama in Three Acts.) Persons TERWHILLIGER Casot — An undergraduate student of the Rah-Rah, or College, Drama. Detancey Lowe.t — Ditto. Proressorn Maxer— Producer of ‘Rah- Rah, or College, Dramatists. Ausrey CourtpLaster — A theatrical star of the nth magnitude. ACT I. (The study of Terwhilliger Cabot and Delancey Lowell: On a table stands a washbowl filled with scraps of paper, a glue-pot, a pair of shears, and a number of bound volumes of Pucx. Cabot and Lowell, in their shirtsleeves, are engaged in manufacturing a Rah- Rah drama for Professor Maker.) Casot: What’ll we have the villain do with the heroine’s pearl necklace after he steals it? Lowett: The Professor wont be satisfied unless it’s something unexpected. Let’s draw a situation out of the washbowl. (He thrusts his hand into the washbowl, extracts a scrap of paper and tosses it to Cabot.) Casot (reading): ‘‘Cold-storage plant.’ Good! We'll have him enter a_cold- storage plant and hide the necklace in one of the 549,000,000 eggs. Then the hero can solve the mystery of the egg. Lowe: Hot stuff! That will tickle the Professor. Casot: Yes; but he wont like it unless we throw in some snappy dialogue. Cut some snappy dialogue out of Puck. (Lowell seizes the shears and attacks the bound volumes of Puck, pasting the clippings on the. manuscript of the play.) Casot: There, thank Heaven: that finishes the second act. ACT II. (The office of Professor Maker at Yarvard University. Professor Maker is engaged in demonstrating his salesman- ship ability to Aubrey Courtplaster, who is hunting for a suitable vehicle for his talents.) Pror. Maker (wagging his finger master- fully in Aubrey’s face): 1 tell you, my dear Courtplaster, this play is exactly what you want! It’s authors are two young men of serious purpose and undoubted genius. The play itself is gripping, original, sparkling, full of the unexpected. It has the punch! You as one of the greatest actors in the English- speaking world, surely must recognize the dramatic value of the great scene in the cold- storage plant, when the villain hides the necklace in a cold-storage egg. And the name — The Great Egg Mystery! Why, my dear Courtplaster, it’ll be. a riot! It'll knock ’em off their seats! Courtptaster: I'll take it. ACT Ill. (The ball-room of the DePuyster Fifth Avenue residence, where a reception ts being held in honor of Messrs. Cabot and Lowell, the young, eminent and successful dramatists, whose first play, The Great Egg Mystery, is turning ’em away. Both Messrs. Cabot and Lowell are wearing horn-rimmed eye-glasses decorated with a black cord, flowing black neckties, and an air of distant dreaminess.) Casot (to a circle of admiring females): The drama must be, above all things, removed from the taint of commercialism. If I found it impossible to write a play which carried a deep, sincere message of cheer to the world, I would starve rather than write one for the sake of obtaining a few paltry dollars! (Admiring murmurs and low gurgles of “‘Isn’t he the sweetest thing!” from his audience.) Lowe tt. (to a similar circle of admiring females): The incidents in a play must be logical, natural and spontaneous. Any resort to tricks or artificiality can but result in failure. Let a man write the truth as he sees it, and his work will live, albeit, the world is often slow in recognizing it. No man should enter the profession of play- writing without a sincere desire to help his fellow men, and a total lack of desire to help himself. (Passionate squeals of enthusiastic approval from the admiring females.) DISINFECTED GAUZE CURTAIN am A new aeroplane gun, in use among the Allies shoots both ways at once and is touted asanovelty. It is not a novelty. The woods are full of guns that shoot like that, every hunting season. HAE- | — Drawh by Held Youne British Sportsman: “Oh.I say, Lady Withington, even if I can’t go to the trenches, I've been doing something for my country, for to-day I caught six blooming German carp.” ed said futil wax, ang mea: hims limit whe tha hav nou app **bi of | cov nou cak pra abl

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old- the the [tll rs): yed ind ld, for ly- his he ed ds ry The Walrus and the Carpenter “Will it be necessary, do you suppose” said the Walrus, “to indulge in the usual futile preliminaries about ships dnd sealing- wax, or shall we proceed at once to business?” “Oh, to business, to business, by all means,” replied the Carpenter, adjusting himself comfortably, “our time is somewhat hmited and my present appetite has been whetted.” SSN MW lp othe Curing “Why,” said the Walrus reproachfully, “there are practically none left/except the very young ones and the very old ones. Neither has a pleasant savor. In fact, that is our business.” ““What is?” “To rearrange the oyster beds.” “Oh, brother!” said the Carpenter. “What difference will that make?” “Brother, you are strangely obtuse. Your 11 cultivation? If we did not interfere, we financiers, the oysters would simply refuse to go out with you again. Thep we come in. We carefully remove the evidences of our re- past, — and a magnificent one it has been since August, 1914. We place the young oysters in slightly different beds where they will be sufficiently uncomfortable to want to leave when they are old and — plump enough for our purpose. NEW HAVEN’S AUTUMN EVENTS — Drawn by Otho Cushing In colonial days it was only wolves — but now they are up against “ Tigers.” “Really, brother? One would suppose that the incredible amount of oysters you have permitted to glide down those cavcr- nous jaws would have taken the edge off an appetite even as formidable as your own.” “T know, I know,” retorted the Carpenter, “but if you had studied even the rudiments of National Dietetics, you would have dis- covered that there is practically no real nourishment in oysters, whatever. Their calories, — I think that is the word —, are practically nil. But they furnish an agree- able sensation as they glide down a gullet and are therefore prized. 1 think,” he went on with a knowing wink, “that we can both. testify to that.” The Walrus licked his muzzle reflectively. “You are probably right, dear brother,” he said, ‘I have myself been puzzled by the curious fact that although I have labored valiantly to make my rate of oyster con- sumption equal yours — ” “But this gets us nowhere,” broke in the Carpenter impatiently, oysters?” “where are our sword dangling, doublet slashed Junkers need oysters, do they not?” “Certainly.” “Well, do you suppose oysters grow without PP ucee. Wie: * Aw, Pa, | wanta drive!” The Carpenter gazed at him admiringly. Then he looked doubtful. “Some of ‘the oysters — the older ones perhaps with long memories, or the very young ones with sharp imaginations, will understand what you are doing, and refusé to let you rear- range their beds.” ‘We shall convince them,” said the Walrus, “that our real purpose is to make further repasts of this sort impossible. You can assert that you have dyspepsia and have been ordered by your physician to live on mush and milk for the rest of your life. As for me, they do not believe that I ever ate oysters at all.” “They don’t!” cried the Carpenter, angrily. ‘Why they havé been going in under those huge tusks even while you have been talking to me! I admit that the whiskers that hide your snout makes it hard to notice, while I aa ‘*Brother,” said the Walrus, “‘do not excite yourself. The important thing is that Junkerism and High Finance shall never — Curt Hansen. want oysters to eat.”

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he writes war manifestoes, kicking his neighbor in the shins, and generally behaving with all the joyful irresponsibil- ity of a lad swinging his shillelah at a Donnybrook Fair of the nations. And he also writes prefaces, which are ini- mitable. He was attracted to the plays of Brieux — dramatic parables, rather than drama — probably because they are “higher” in the gamy sense, and more odorous than any other work of contemporary playwrights. A Serious Sermon This preface of Shaw’s is serious, with an occasional rift of humor in the gloom. “Since Ibsen, Brieux is the most impor- tant” — you know the sort of thing! But Brieux is not the most impoftant. He is clever, facile, a voluble journalist, transforming the ideas of the minute into rough and ready melodramas; an opportunist in the theatre. To compare him with such a dramatic psychologist as Francois de Curel would be an absurdity for anyone save Mr. Shaw. But, as he declares that it is Englishmen who discover to the French their great men (why not say Irishman?) we must perforce swallow the statement concerning Brieux’s superiority over }- ‘ua St. George I have been asked to say something about the new book of George Moore, “The Brook Kerith,” but as I have written of it elsewhere, and at length, I can’t summon up courage from the vasty deep to tackle the theme again. However, this much may be premised: anyone, no matter if he had the genius of a Renan, the erudition of a Friedrich Strauss, or the faith of a Dean Stanley, would fail in an attempt to write a life of Christ. As well write the biography of Buddha Gautama, of Jupiter Pluvius, or Jahveh. And while Mr. Moore’s volume is fiction, it, despite the beauty of its style and its daring conception, can but arouse antagonism from Christians and Hebrews alike. Unbelievers of the Christian mythology, those who have read Smith on the Christ myth will ask: Cui bono? Therefore I shan’t recommend “The Brook Kerith” to church-goers. It will surely offend. But to lovers of imaginative literature from the pen of a great artist this work will appeal. It is a finely spun legend, as are most legends dealing with the birth of religious redeemers. At your peril, therefore, read the novel and mar- vel at the mass of material the author gathered before he wrote the first paragraph. But please don’t write me letters complaining of St. George’s blasphemy. St. George was never of a pious tempera- ment; besides, what is blasphemous to you may be heavenly manna for him. A Preface to Brieux It was another saintly Celt, St. Bernard of Belfast, who has written a preface to three plays by Eugene Brieux. The particular plays are “Maternity,” “The Three Daughters of M. Dupont” — presented some years ago by Laurence Irving — “Damaged Goods,” an inadequate translation for “Les Avariés.” The latter has been done to death, not because of its thesis, but for the salaciousness implied in its treatment. The prefaces by Mr. Shaw, need I say, are his master- works; in comparison, his plays are halting revelations of his cork soul. Years ago when the plays appeared, those labelled “Unpleasant” were singled out for admiration; the “Pleasant” plays suffered by comparison. But all the Shaw plays are pleasant. On the continent he has been listed as “safe,” and as a playwright to whose productions a girl may invite her grandmother. In Petrograd he is considered as old-fashioned as Sardou. The color of his mind is eminently middle- class. Perhaps this is the reason he did not appeal at once to England, where he was suspected of having “advanced’ ideas.” And now the witty Irishman — who tries so hard to get into the skin of a con- servative tax-paying cockney —has confessed that the younger generation is knocking at his door. He feels he is out-moded. So pe cet Sa all French dramatists since Moliere. To be sure, he has written “Les Hannetons’? — shown here by Mr. Irving bearing the silly title of “The Affinity;” and the early “Blanch- ette” and “Ménages d’Artistes.” “The Red Robe” is excellent melodrama, and “The Three Daughters of M. Dupont,” which as Mr. Shaw happily points out is “Mr. Smith,” revealed some admirable strokes of characterization. But think of de Curel’s “Les Fossiles,” or “L’Envers d’une Sainte” — the latter one of the best plays that the psycho- logical school has yet created; as such a conservative critic as Augustin Filon was moved to confess. And what of Henri Becque, whose shoes as a dramatic composer and innovator Brieux has vainly endeavored to unlatch! An entire generation of French playmasters patterned after the master of the ““comédie rosse”; after the thinker who practically asserted (and always in the terms of the theatre, not of the political hustings or the socialistic pamphleteer) that fate and society are the sole causes of the ‘sins of individuals. This.is an attempt to dramatize the Deter- minism of Taine, At a distance, Brieux has followed the original ideas Becque. Not Becque But he is not Becque, not by a long shot. He has a faculty for-putting “en scéne” the floating gossip about serious subjects, the journalistic debris of current ideas. Thus, he has “dramatized” art, genius, social problems, religion, politics, and disease. He is a sensible thinker with the style of a hot-head.. More emotional than Shaw, he is aiso more deft, theatri- cally. A shrewd playwright, he fails when his themes are not drama- tically viable. In “Maternity” and “The Three Daughters of M. Dupont” his thesis is married life — with, or without children? Enforced sterility, and the misery of the unwelcome child are dis- cussed with frankness. In “Damaged Goods” the theme is un- pleasant; The Hidden Plague was hinted at in Ibsen’s ““Ghosts,”’ and Ibsen, being a great poet as well as a profound psychologist, gave us a moving drama in which the soul as well as the body was considered. Brieux has not done the same. His piece is more of a pamphlet, and the last scene is depressing, not only because it is vulgar, but also because it is not drama. Yet Mr. Shaw simply revels in this method of doing things. So little of the artist is in his make-up — with more of the intolerant puritan than people suspect, though he frankly admits it — that he is primarily concerned with the idea of propaganda. If an idea happens to be dramatically unfit for the theatre then, all the worse for the theatre! Form, style, characterization can go hang. It usually does with Shaw, and too often in the case of Brieux. The Note Mr. Shaw thinks that because the ideas of Brieux of Revolt are not, always palatable (they even balked in Paris at “Les Avariés”) therefore they must be somehow good. It is the note of revolt that counts with Shaw. We believe that a play should be playable, then its ideas will get across the footlights all the quicker. His gibe at art-for—-art’s-sake as being the formula of the well-made play is not worth contradicting, nor is his calling stupid the Parisians altogether polite. What might the Parisians not say of Mr. Shaw! What haven’t they said of his “art” and its stale ““modernity”? By the time- Shaw had unloaded (Continued on page 21) mi; fal wt tle th lez th an sel ne en wi

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.An Open Letter WASHINGTON, —A reduction in the size of Sunday newspapers as a means of conserving the newsprint paper supply of the country and possibly preventing the suspension of smaller newspapers was recommended in a letter sent to-day by the Federal Trade Commission to all the publishers of large Sunday newspapers in the United States. To tHe Feperat Trave Commission: Washington, D. C. Gentlemen: Having had its attention drawn to the newspaper clipping reproduced above, Puck begs to amplify the findings of your august body by venturing certain ways and means of reducing the swollen avoirdupois of that monstrosity* of print commonly known as the Sunday newspaper. A conservative estimate of white paper wantonly wasted during the past year is hereby grouped under the several heads under which all Sunday editors pursue their activities: Reams Wasted Moving Picture Actresses Operating Harvesting Machines........... 4,367 Ditto Crossing Rustic Bridge..... 5,789 Ditto Eating Breakfast in Bed..... 6,980 Exclusive Photographs of Elsie Janis on Her Country Estate........ 60,765 Half-Tones of Mrs. Castleinan En- tikely ‘New Poses. ..55.....500% 456,986 Blood-curdling Accounts of Saturday Paskoall Gamide'a, 0.6 fo. 0545055 875,423 Color Atrocities in which Germany found Inspiration for Her Belgian ON snk wht cents cts 546,876 Hair Raising Interviews with Mil- lionaires Who Have Discovered, Late in Life, that Honesty is the ete DOI in bcs A5-} oe Kies cs 976,234 We leave to the statisticians of your Commission the task of estimating how many noble monarchs of the forest have fallen that Lizzie Jenkins might know whether it is comme il faut to receive gen- tlemen callers in her new pink kimono; or that John and Jessie Newlywed might learn how to construct a pergola back of their Bungalow by utilizing two bed slats and a box of matches. We content our- selves only with the figures concerning the largest items of waste. Confine the Sunday newspaper to the printing of mews, and the entire consumption of the nation will be well within the amount used by the government in printing postage stamps. Respectfully submitted, fm At a political meeting of some importance, the correspondent mentioned that the speak- er’s voice reached “every nook and cranny in the big hall.” Somie day a typesetter will make a bid for undying fame by setting it “fevery crook and nanny.” Puck. Love-letters. over 4,000 years old, Baby- lonian love-letters, have just been translated by a Chicago professor. ‘They are said to have been written on baked brick, but this doubtless is a mistake. -It was probably half-baked brick. ~ Drawn by W. de Maris “You kuow, we girls have given up our matinees to make bandages for the soldiers.” “ My word, now! that’s positively ripping!” “It is going to be awfully nice to have a real home who comes home dinner.” Can it be that Miss Russell’s former husbands had a way of coming home every morning for breakfast? with a huskand every night for — Lillian Russell. Café prices are following the up- ward trend, and the greatest complaint heard is that the size of the portions decreases as rapidly as the price moves upward. —— London cable Phenomena of this kind are not to be observed in warring nations alone. =f =: A-WEARYING FOR YOU. Drawn by P.L.Crosby

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a “THE SUCCESS OF THE SEASON” Told in Correspondence, Clippings and Conversation By Robert W. Sneddon (with all due apologies) (Clipping from Tue Sun, January 4th.) Mr. Willoughby Brookes, the author of “No. 23” and other successes, has just completed a delightful farce comedy, pres- ently unnamed, which we understand will have an early production on Broadway. (Letter. June 2d.) H. W. Jones, Esa, The Epithalamium Theatre. Dear Mr. Jones:— Pardon me for troubling you, but have you decided to do anything with my play, “The 53d Week of the Year,” which I gave you six months ago? Yours sincerely, Witiovcnsy ‘Brookes. (Letter. June 4th.) Wittovcusy Brookes, Esq., The Royalton, New York. Dear Mr. Brookes:— I am sorry to say that we have no record of having received your play. Can it be that you are confusing me with someone clse? Yours very sincerely, H. W. Jones. (Letter. June 5th.) Wit.toucusy Brooxess, Esq., The Royalton, New York. Dear Sir:— I have read your play with great interest; but I fear I am so overstocked with plays of this description that I will be unable to produce it for some time. I return it with many thanks for your courtesy in submit- ting it. Henry Witt Jones, ‘ Per V. W. (Conversation heard in front of ‘the Hofbrau.) Tuomrpxins: Hulloa, Willoughby! Whose funeral are you celebrating now. . Cheer up! You damned humorists are so lugubrious. Brookes: That you, Tompky? No won- der. Me cheild is d-dead. Tuompxins: Very sad. But this is a new one on me. How old was the little ’un? Brooxes: Three acts. Old Henry Will turned it down, and I’m shedding the last tear. Tnuompxkins: Comedy? Say! Send it to Gonod. I’m reading for him now, I'll put in a good word. Brookes: By thundér, Tompky, will you? Say! Come and kiss a goblet with me. You etc., etc. (Letter. June 7th.) Constantine Gonop, The Palaver Theatre. Dear Sir:— I beg to submit to you herewith the script of my new comedy in three acts, “The 53d Weck of the Year,”? and trust to have your opinion on it at an early date. I have no doubt you remember me as the author of “No. 23.” ‘ Yours very faithfully, Wittoucusy Baooxes. (Letter. June 25th.) Benjamin Ancet, Esq., Bilton Court, Central Park, West. My dear Mr. Angel:—., You may recollect our meeting at the ‘Players’ when you expressed a desire to try your luck with the first good play which came into my hands. I have just by a great stroke of luck come upon a play by that several others who are confident of the success of the play are prepared to lay down the amount required. Still I want to give you the first call. Can you hasten your reply? Yours, etc., Constantine Gonopn. (Letter. July 2d.) Dear Mr.-Gonop:— I have read the play., It seems all right, but I’m afraid I can’t back it just now. Thank you very much, however, for thinking of me. Yours sincerely, B. ANGEL. P.S.—I enclose the script. 7 : oe a 1 SS | i Mr. Gonod. Willoughby Brookes, which I am positive, both from my own reading and the advice of Mr. Thompkins, my right-hand man, will prove a surprise to Broadway. I have shown it to several others. Their verdict is enthusiastic. I think you said you would go as far as $10,000. Kindly let me know immediately what you think of the propo- sition. Yours cordially, Constantine Gonop. (Letter. June 27th.) Constantine Gonop, Esa. My dear Mr. Gonod:— 3 I cannot at the moment recollect the occasion, but anyway I shall be glad to read the play. Send it along by messenger. Yours, B. ANGEL. (Letter. June 28th.) B. Anceu, Esa. My dear Mr. Affigel:— « Here you are. | must know by to-mor- row, as I think it only right to inform you (Letter. July 10th.) B. Ancet, Eso. My dear fellow:— I wonder if you can dine with me at my little place to morrow night, 7:30. Just a little party — Miss Rayfelle, Miss Dolly Dane, and yourself. Don’t refuse. Yours, ' Constantine Gonop. P.S.— Sorry about the play. Better not, perhaps, eh? (Conversation heard outside Mr. Gonod’s abode.) B. Ancet: I wonder if you would care to let my car take you home, Miss Rayfelle. Miss Rayretie: Oh, Mr. Angel! How thoughtful of you! But what are you going to do yourself? Why don’t you come and see me as far as my door? B. Ancet: Do you mind if I do? Is there room beside you? Miss Rayre tue: Of course, you silly boy. There, now, you may hold my purse, and don’t run away with it. B. Ancet: Do you know I’ve always wanted to know you etc., étc.

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ie oe Me (Letter. July 19th.) Dear Mr. Gonop:— I enclose new script. As you suggested, I have reversed the second and third acts, and changed their ,settings. I hope this version will read bettér than before. Yours, WitLoucusy Brookes. (Letter. July 22d.) My pEAR ANGEL:— Herewith a proper receipt for your first instalment of $5,000. Things are going splendidly. I hope to put it in rehearsal early in September. I think Miss Rayfelle VW Mr. Tooks and Mr. Brookes. is the one woman for the part of Julia. See you soon. Yours most cordially, Constantine Gonop. (Letter. July 22d.) Mis$ Lucy Rayretie, Babylon Hotel. Dear Miss Rayfelle:— Please call in to-morrow morning to sign contract for “Julia” in “The 53d Weck.” So glad our friend Angel changed his mind. It’s going to have a big chance. By the by, hope you liked the diamond ring I sent up this morning—a reward for a good little girl. Yours, Constantine Gonop. (Conversation overheard in the office of The Palaver Theatre. July 23d.) Gonop: That seems fair to you, Mr. Brookes? Five hundred and four increasing to five after the first seven wecks. Brookes: Perfectly. Gonop: Sign there. There we are now. Well, goodbye. You might look in at rehearsal. I’li let you know. (Clipping from THe Mirror. Sept. 4th.) Theatre-goers will remember the succés d’estime gained ‘by, Willoughby . Brookes, a bright young dramatist, whose. short lived farce, “No. 23,” was one of the features of last year’s season. We are promised a new comedy from his pen on entirely original lines, entitled ““The 53d Week of the Year.” Mr. Constantine Gonod will produce it at The Palaver early in October. (Clipping from Variety. Sept. 6th.) Mr. Tinker Grigs will, at the termination of his present phenomenally successful en- gagement in “The Butler’s Nightmare,” take up the lead in| the new farce booked for The Palaver. (Conversations without much bearing on the subject, overheard on the stage of The Theatre.) Mr. Brookes: I beg your pardon, but Mr. Gonod about? o eT Oe! ——- | be. Gos ee ee 15 (Later.) Gonop: How are they shaping, Tooks! Mr. Tooxs: ?!!!!! 2272? trtt?? (Still later.) Mr. Brooxes: I must —er— have had you in my mind when I wrote Julia. Miss Rayrette: You nice thing. Yes, | think tea would be a good thing. (Letter. Sept. 18th.) Miss Seasricut, The Towers, Southamp- ton, L. I. My darling Molly: I have a horrid conviction that your poor little. Lucie has struck a snag. Gonod is putting on a comedy farce by a man Brookes, with a resplendent money-bag in the wings. The lines I have are the slop- — Miss Rayfelle and Mr. Angel. A Grip: No, he ain’t. Git outta the way, there. Hi, Bill, pull on them shorts. See, yuh, yuh can’t stay here. Gonop: ’Lo, Brookes. Eleven-fifteen. My God, where’s everyone? Ah, Tooks, my boy. Mr. Tooks, our producer, Shake hands with our author. Mr. Tooxs: Howdy. Suppose you sit in the box. Let’s have the foots. Juice — juice — the foots. Gonop: My ‘God! My God! Where the devil are they? Ah, there you are, Grigs and Miss Rayfelle. Meet Mr. Brookes. Brookes: How do you do? No, I’ve That’s all. Gonop: Get ’em going, Tooks. only been here an_ hour, Mr. Tooxs: Now, then, everybody: clear stage! Mr. Brookes, if, you please, the box. piest I’ve endured for a blue moon, and to crown all, that creature Grigs is playing opposite to me. By the bye, the money-bag is called Angel— Benjamin is his first name — but | call him Billy. Have you heard of him? Let me know first thing, as the bad boy fancies he has the loving fever. Well, he knows his own mind. I wish I did. I can see a frost here, all right. Gonod tells me privately he has a new piece up his sleeve, to put on if — well, I never was a croaker, but do you remember our last try out just before you landed your millionaire? Anyway, so long. Keep the Israelites burn- ing and you never need to go home in the dark. Your birdie, Lucig. (Continued on page 24)

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— Drawn by W. Pendrell “Did you do as you were told, Louis, and give your little brother the best part of that apple?” “ Yes, ma’am. I gave him the seeds. He can plant ‘em and have a whole orchard himself!” Something may perhaps change the course of things during the autumn or winter, but at the present we must reckon with a continuation of the struggle. The enemy is still standing. — The Berliner Tageblate. But not, as may have been observed on the Somme and other fronts, standing still. The tenement and lodging houses are indeed sinks of physical and moral infection. One of the greatest ob- stacles against hygienic reform is the money lust of property-owners. _ — A report on Mexico. A deplorable condition which is, of course, confined solely within the borders of our southern neighbor. Now, on the East Side, for example — Two suits, for money alleged to be due for loans, have been filed against the Hon. Charles W. Morse. Some folks are awfully hard upon a chap who “cannot live the year out”! THE PRICE OF POPULARITY. Rooster: “ What’s the matter, Gobbler? You look a bit frazzled.” TurKEy: “You'd look frazzled too, if you had posed for 320 photographs, 143 illustra- tions and 67 magazine covers in one week!” Live baby alligators as shoulder or- naments for women made their ap- pearance at the Hotel McdAlpin during the week. — New York Hotel News. Let’s see; when is Billy Sunday due in New York? Athens is filled with appeals calling on the King to draw his sword or abdicate. —London cable. ““Why,”’ says Theodore to himself, “didn’t I think to put that ultimatum up to Wilson?” Professor Dawkins has discovered that the ancient Britons used loaded dice. We expect to hear next that King Arthur's Round Table was a roulette wheel. A seven-hour day is likely to be the coal- miners’ next demand. Relief will come to the consumer when time hangs heavy on the miner’s hands and they mine a little coal now and then for recreation. The English judge who never uses the telephone because people one hundred years ago got along nicely without it, is shamefully inconsistent if he rides in automobiles, burns gas, believes in postage stamps, buys his wife a sewing machine, or takes the “‘tuppeny tube” on his way ’ome. Why not send Dr. Cook to find the Bremen? Age has its compensations, after all. Think of the unborn babes who are going to have to pass examinations on this war some day. P * a Von Hindenburg declares that he can’t see anything but victory, and there is a growing impression that he must have been reading the Fatherland. Germany, says General von Hindenburg, can hold her present lines for thirty years. But about twenty-eight years from now her right hand will begin to get a little tired. J. P. Morgan & Co. announce that there will be a period of prosperity after the war, and there probably will — for J..P. Morgan & Co. f The Happy Interval Most French dramatists write at the end of their tragedies: “The curtain slowly falls.” The New York curtain, if you have remarked it, always plumps down with a speed that makes one think it must be a member of the drop-curtains’ union and is subject to a fine for working over-time. This, however, is not the case. The true explanation is this: the New York public demands a happy ending and the playwrights, prevented by time limitations from beginning their plays, Chinese-fashion, with the\birth of the hero’s great-grandfather and ending with his grand- son, usually give to their public, as a happy ending, this: The hero and the heroine of the piece, after having gone through three acts. of disputing, mistrust, suspicion, misunder- standing and all the other little miseries common to heroes and heroines, patch up their differences at 10.45 and at 10.50 announce their intention to (or actually do, as in the movies) get married. Now, as anyone who has had experience can tell you, marriage is far from being a permanent cure for the troubles of two people who are evidently as_ill-mated as are the usual principals of the usual play. Therefore, in order to give the audience the, required happy ending, it is necessary to whisk the curtain down with all possible speed while the lovers are still happy, and before the row begins afresh.

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Oo Nd UN Once A Libretto Writer Always One Perhaps no person is more loyal to the old order than the theatrical manager. Freshness or originality he cares little about. Especially is this true when a musical comedy is put into shape for a New York audience. One show may have in it no single idea or situation that is humorous and the jokes may be so old that the tired-business-man senses at once that age and not business is at the bottom of his tiredness—and yet, the persons responsible for such a show will at once be engaged to write the “book” of One might think that failure to provide humor for a humorous r— another production. show would send a librettist to seek em- ployment in another calling. Seem- ingly, however, the writers of our mu- sical comedies succeed by their failures. Rarely among the names of the many cooks who have spoiled the broth (see the credited authors on any program) is there the name of a new comer. Credit Where Due Nowhere in the world are, musical comedies or revues put on with the lavishness that they are in New York. Their success, if they attain it, is really the work of the milliner, the maker of the gowns, the maker of the shoes, hats, etc. The Wonder Of It “The Show of Wonders” at the Winter Garden will be a better show when it has run a few weeks than it is now—all Winter Garden shows are. The scenic novelties such as the cavalry charge of the summer show are lacking, but there is the same wealth of costume and the ranks of willing performers are well filled. In a revue called “‘ Hello, East Side” which played most of last summer down near where Second Avenue ends, a joke was decently buried. A bets B that he hasn’t a whole shirt upon his,back. | This, together with the good old gag about the social qualities of the onion was revivedin “The Showof Wonders.” MISS SPRINGTIME WOW 192 They Are Liked Winter Garden shows have the habit of success, and “‘The Show of Wonders” will doubtless live up to -the records of its predecessors. “Girls of the Squares” obviously had its inspiration in a page of sketches printed in these pages a few months ago. We liked this song best. Too Many Authors “Go To It” is founded upon “The Milk of Charles Hoyt. Death —- does not make the best subject for humor. One song called is credited to three cooks and White Flag” even when feigned Emma second time this Janvier for the Paul Clerget in © Pierrot, the Prodigal” YOUR EXIT season has failed to score as she did formerly in musical comedies — largely the work of the authors, Still she has more opportunity than the rest of the cast, for to her falls the line when she refuses a taxi: ‘‘No, I’ll hop on my motor-cycle; it will be less con- spicuous.” The Source of Things The dramatization of books and _ stories goes on merrily. John Drew has appeared in Mitchell’s. “ Major Judged solely as a matter of entertainment Langdon Pendennis.” it is superior to the average performance on Broadway Ah and it gives John Drew a better - than he has had for several years. A Return \fter several seasons in the ever popular “Grumpy” Cyril Maude has returned in a very slight English play The B r} ‘ n the theatre been pent larg in prisons and in court room It was | consequently somewhat of a relicf to change to a London hous and a castle. Mr. Maude as the man who is determined to do nothing, acts with authority and deftness What Makes A Hero “Object Matrimony” by Montague Glass and Jules E. humor if not the drama of the Potash Goodman has the and Perlmutter plays. The hero gets credit for a shaky business adventure by becoming engaged to a banker’s daughter. The heroine, his book keeper, aids him in this. questionable affair. If “Object Matrimony” of its racial humor and deft character fails in spite work, it will be because our theatre audiences lack the sophistication of Sunday color supplements. Only in these the children who read the pictures may the leading characters do wrong and not lose sympathy. moh eee eee Phan a hdieeeean apres oi gre arte aw =

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PK oo } | ]

J

<E COUNTY NEWS / - af r THE PURSUIT OF PRIVACY — EPISODE SEVEN

THE FREEDOM

OF THE PRESS

of w yst Martin Hawkins yesterday. It is ramowred by those ta in the know that Lem is figuring on buying Martin's ‘ big Holstein. If he does the readers of the News can | } © | figure on getting the first wind of it in Ut | as usua if

Not Too Ladylike, Anyway Mrs. J. F. Imbler called at this office to- day and asked modification of the story published last week, in which it was not reported Mrs. Imbler and a young young lady friend had a scrap with Mrs. Imbler’s husband, and the later’s shirt was torn off. It appears that the shirt was not torn en- tirely off. — The Loganport (Ark.) Pharos-Reporter.

True to Form The apple packers were in this locality last week packing apples. — The Brantford. (Ont.) Courier.

Not So Kind Miss Vittum said that she did not expect to speak in Canton during this visit, but would send Mrs. Grubb of Galesburg, an active worker, to spend a few days in an effort to stir up interest in the cause among Canton and Fulton county women. Later a good speaker probably will be sent here. — The Canton (Ill.) Ledger.

The Human Dynamo The Peckham church is having electric lights installed. The new minister, Rev. Behner, seems to be the source, causing much activity among the young people. — The Greeley (Col.) Tribune-Republican. Light and Light On a Sabbath night recently, in the midst of Rev. Mr. Frazier’s sermon at the U. B. church, the electric lights went out and caused considerable confusion. There should be more power at the plant. — The Delaware (O.): Gazette. Fish Stories A man with a large string of sun-fish, perch and other small fish, was seen on the Barry- town dock yesterday afternoon. — The Kingston (N. Y.) Express. What Does She Do? Miss Ethel Wood was confined to her home the first of the week by an attack of appen- dicitis. She is again on the job, however. — The Bloomfield (Mo.) Vindicator.

Sweet, Sweet Her blonde beauty, regal in her lovely bridal robe of white duchess satin, whose simple lines were very becoming to her girlish figure, was trimmed with tulle and orange blossoms. — The Macon (Ga.) Telegraph.

A Cosmetic Vacation Miss Mae Green has a great long furlough on her face now, as she hasn’t seen some one for a long time. — The Cleveland County (Ark.) Herald. ADVENTURES ON THE CLOTHES-LINE

— Jem Hathaway was seen in earnest converse with y

these columns | 4%

Civic Advancement Table Grove has made another advance- ment when Sherman Fordyce, our village marshal, purchased a machinc to pop corn and roast peanuts. This machine is the latest model on the market and surpasses most machines in larger cities. — The Table Grove (lll.) Herald.

Not Inquisitive Our marrying justice tied another knot down on the river last Sunday afternoon, but was not able to give names of contracting par- ties; simply remembers that one was a man and the other a woman. — The Newport (Ark.) Independent. The Course of Education School is closed in District No. 7 for a two weeks’ vacation for potato digging. — The Steuben (N. Y.) Advocate. A Dry Hegira Several from this place will go to Tickville next third Sunday to witness the unveiling of the town pump. — The South Pittsburg (Tenn.) Hustler.

It Pays To Advertise Notice—To the owner of the cow that Hugh Phillips keeps in his barn; come pay for the corn said cow ate out of my stock on Feb. 17, 1916. Mrs. Maud Karr. — Ado. in the Gridley {Kan.) Light.

Where Was Jill? Dan James fell down the mountain and broke his collar bone last-week. — The Leslie (Ark.) News.

“Tain’t fair! \

It’s against the rules to tackle below the knees!”

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FURNITURE SALESMAN: “ Any particular kind of bookcase, Madam?” “Yes; one of those sexual ones.”

The Man With The Face (A Fantasy of the Front Row) Once there was a man with a funny face. It was built on such an original plan, that he always looked as though he were laughing. One night, because he couldn’t get out of it gracefully, he went to an amateur vaude- ville show. It was for the benefit of some- thing. The usher showed him to a seat down in front, and just before the curtain went up, he settled. himself. The first person on the bill, barring of course an wamateur club-swinger, was a youth who had ambitions. He hoped in time to become a professional comedian, and even as an amateur, he considered himself ‘rather good. Though, ambitious, however, he was not immune from stage- fright, and he shook like the “‘light, quiver- ing aspen” when he faced his audience. He had what he prided himself was a scream of a make-up, a red derby hat and a braid-bound suit with checks two inches square, but as he tottered out from the shelter of the wings, his feet grew cold and colder. The one thing that buoyed him up and started him on the right track was a man in the front row, center aisle. This man’s face wore a perpetual smile from the time he came on, and it never once left him. The amateur comedian took heart and put over his opening gag. The man in front continued to smile. It was inspiring. All through the act, which gained snap and gusto as it progressed, the man in front continued to smile-and smile. He fairly seemed to be bursting with laughter, with suppressed laughter, with the laughter which | precedes apoplexy. The young comedian was in ecstasies. Keyed up by this one man’s appreciation, he put through his act with a whoop, and actually made a‘ hit. That first night so puffed him with confi- dence that in no time at all he got what he most longed for — a professional engage- ment. And as he wasn’t so very bad, he made good. (Contintied on page 20)

A included trip.

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The Man with the Face (Continued from page 19) Later on in the evening, that evening of the amateur vaudeville show, there was down on the programme a young lady elocutionist. She had “kindly volunteered,” and as volunteer shows, like beggars, cannot be choosers, she was given a place on the bill. She, too, had ambitions. Her leading ambish was to elocute before Society, and to appear in drawing-rooms at 11 o’clock in the morning. Unlike the young comedian who had pre- ceded her, she had no use for funny stuff. She considered it degrading and beneath her talent, so she selected for the edification of the audience “The Fall of the Pemberton Mill,” a piece that has ‘more sobs in it than “Camille” and “‘ East Lynne” rolled into one. In it, people are burned to death and sing hymns as the flames approach them, the elocutionist doing the singing. When the young lady came out she did not at first notice the man in the front row, center aisle.. The footlights dazzled her and she saw nobody. Indeed, she did not see the man in the front row until she was well warmed up to her work, and then, when she did see him, she recoiled as from a blow. His face was wreathed in smiles.’ He fairly seemed to be bursting with laughter, with suppressed laughter, with the laughter that preceded apoplexy, but differing from the case of the young comedian, his evident mirth awoke no pleased response in the breast of the young lady elocutionist. As her piece grew sadder and more sad, she turned on the tremolo in desperate determination to break the smile or die. In two minutes, she found she was reciting to that man alone. Nobody else in the audi- ence mattered. She raged inwardly. She felt hysterics approaching. The flames were all around the victims, they were about to die, it was enough to wring a heart of stone or to make a statue shed tears, yet the man in the front row, center aisle, continued that maddening smile. Not once did it leave his face. When the young lady elocutionist got back behind. the scenes, and into the dress- ing-room, she threw herself down on the bare floor and vowed that never — NEVER — NEVER — would she recite again. She was through. And she was. Society drawing- rooms never knew her, neither at 11 in the morning .nor at any other time. When she got over an attack of brain-fever, she took up stenography and typewriting. The amateur vaudeville over for the night, an usher shook the man in the front row; shook him once, twice, thrice. “Huh?” queried the man at last; “Oh, all right”; and he went out into the street only a minute or two behind the main body of the audience. He had slept through it all, and heard neither the ambitious young comedian nor the equally ambitious young lady elocu- tionist. And yet, look what he did to their bud- ding careers. Don’t believe all-you see. “Should a wife || be paid a salary?” In “Phyllis Fellowes, 99 Feminist” Josephine Daskam Bacon tells a charming story about a young social leader who suddenly learns that she can earn money by teaching other people’s children. Her husband’s horror when she suggests that he should pay her a salary for taking care of her own children is easy to understand—or per- haps it isn’t. Decide for yourself—it is in the November 18th issue of Collier's THE NATIONAL WEEKLY 416 West 13th Street, New York ae SRT ERE

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The Seven Arts (Continued from page 12) his cargo of intellectual goods fram the con- tinent — the ideas of Ibsen, Nietzsche, Karl Marx, Strindberg, and the rest — théy were already beginning to age, so rapidly do “‘ideas’’ decay in the theatre. Ibsen, perhaps more as paradox than otherwise, asserted that the average truth dies at about the age of twenty. Nevertheless, this statement holds good in the theatre. Where, to-day, are the once astoundingly novel “ideas” of Dumas fils, or Sardou, and many others? What is sound drama in their work has sur- vived, has become dramatic literature. The future will decide Brieux’s claims to being a significant dramatist. At present few of his productions seem likely to survive him. But Mr. Shaw’s crack at the English dramatic censorship is a resounding one. That absurd institution should have been abolished before it was invented —to make an Irish bull. I have always asserted that Shaw is first of all a man of common sense. moral courage in.a superlative degree, not- withstanding his cynical delight in “stirring up the animals.” Hes a victim of what the psychiatrist call the “‘ mania of contradiction.” He even contradicts himself; which is a sign of sanity in an Irishman. He is not the iconoclast he seems to be; yet his cham- pionship of Brieux, like his championship of Ibsen and Tolstoy —the Tolstoy of ‘The Kreutzer Sonata” be it noted —is fairly convincing. It is a pity, however, that art plays so lean a réle in the work of Shaw. He possesses Did we not know him as a lover, if not exactly a satisfactory interpreter, of several arts, we should class him with those philistines he so often berates. He flayed, if you may Max Nordau, and kicked his absurd and vicious nonsense about degen- Shaw is purely cerebral, a man without the viscera of pity But despite his chilly tem- One realizes remember, Dr. eration into smithereens. or toleration. perament he is a’ humorist. this when on page 36 of this preface we read: ‘‘Brieux is not, as the ordinary man mostly is, a mere reactionist against the latest over- sights and mistakes, becoming an atheist at every flaw discovered in theology, and recoil- ing into the grossest superstition when some Jesuit who happens by exception to be a clever and subtle man (about the last thing by the way, a real live Jesuit ever is) shows that popular atheism is only theology without mind or purpose.” The brilliant historical knowledge of Mr. Shaw as shown by these references to the Jesuits surely contains a captivating’ touch of humor. The Truth The theatre has been going About the to the dogs ever since it Theatre came into existence. Yet the theatre still flourishes, and will do so until the last trump sounds. We, all of us, know that thesplayhouse is im- moral, that managers are tricky, that (good plays never get a hearing! Well, what of it? What are you going to do about it? The latest protest, “by one of the best known theatrical men in New York’’—his name is both Legion and Mud—has written an en- tertainine little pamphlet entitled. “The Truth About the Theater” (which we would be tempted to take more earnestly if the word ‘Theatre’? had been correctly spelt). It reminds us of the time in the roaring nineties when Bernard Shaw was writing dramatic abuse in the columns of the London “Saturday Review,” then under the brilliant generalship of Frank Harris) A row was raised in the newspapers over the perfectly idiotic question: Can a woman succeed without losing million words or more were spilled through- out the land. England was enjoying one of its periodic attacks of moral hysteria; as it did during the Parnell affair. Mr. Shaw was asked to say something on the thrilling topic. He did say something and it was to this effect, though not the wording: Why should an actress esteem her virtue more than her art? She can easily dispense with it in the practice of her profession; indeed, she may become all the more accomplished as an interpreter of human emotions if she her virtue? A yhas experienced a few of them in her private life. After that ironical bombshell a distinct chill set in and the controversy died a frozen death. The truth about the Theatre is the secret of Polichinello. Everyone knows it. And it is no truth at all. a And now it is discovered that football is the Presumably the somebody on a most spiritual of all games. discovery was made by winning team. The length of the skirts this season sug- gests that it might be a wise move on the part of merchants to put their advertisements on the sidewalk. Hopeless ! A tear, frank, unbidden, hardened keeper’s cheek, as he stopped with his visitor before a heavily padded cell. “Poor devil!” he, choked, “ most hopeless charges.” “What is his particular hallucination?” asked the visitor, noting the feverish haste with which the unfortunate inmate pawed over a towering mass of newspapers. “For two years, he has been trying to find the news section of the Sunday Herald.” And the sobs of keeper and visitor mingled in common pity. stole down the one of our .Dispatches from Mexico have it that conditions there are rapidly bécoming nor- mal again, and humanity seems powerless to prevent it. Germany insists that she is not going to shorten her lines, but it is noticeable that she is using less bait. Now that. the election is over, a complete set of straw votes may be had very cheaply. The oldest man in the -world has been found living in Mazatlan, Mexico. He is 122 years of age, and probably remembers the day when the cost of living was not going up. Germany has reformed her U-boat policy. Hereafrer she’ will-not. sink German ships. o A) CONFIDENTIAL GUIDE 1} WE ej ey) 9TULATRES \ Wi Gaiety Theatre Haines Vii Saturday at 2.2 TURN TO THE RIGHT * UNDILUTED JOY “—WORLD NEW AMSTERDAM = THEATRE W. 42nd St. Evgs. 8.20. Mats. Wed. & Sat. 2.20 Klaw and Erlanger’s Unrivalled Musical Comedy Success Miss Springtime By Emmerich Kalman-composer of “Sari” After the Play Visit Atop New Amsterdam Theatre NEW ZIEGFELD Of the World MIDNIGHT FROLIC 30 Most Beautiful Girls in the World ELTINGE A. H. Woods aa Cheating Cheaters By Max Marcin REPT IBLI hee atre, West 42nd St., Hg at 8.20 Mats. and Sat. at 2.20 Arthur Hicetien presents GOOD GRACIOUS ANNABELLE! A New Farce by CLARE KUMMER SHUBERT ATTRACTIONS IN NEW YORK Theatre, W. 42nd Street, ——, = . 1 —e Wed WINTER GARDEN (533225 . area . The Flame SHUBERE.......0.- So Lon Letty | erry Taylor Isaienas EE FS Lina Abarbanell ON Re et Emma Dunn BOOTH.......Pierrot the Prodigal MAXINE ELLIOTT’S . .. Wm. Hodue COHAN & HARRIS (Formerly CANDLER THEATRE) W. 42nd St. Evgs. 8.20. Mats. Wed. and Sat. 3.20 William A. Brady presents a new Comedy OBJECT MATRIMONY By MONTAGUE GLASS and JULES ECKERT GOODMAN HIPPODROME MANAGEMENT CHARLES DILLINGHAM Nights at 8.16 Mat. every day at 2.15 “THE BIG SHOW” R. i BURNSIDE With the Wine PAVLOWA NEW ICE 100 NOVELTIES BALLET MAMMOTH MINSTRELS 1,000 PEOPLE WORLD'S BIGGEST SHOW AT THE LOWEST PRICES LONGACRE H. H. FRAZEE proved WILLIAM COLLIER In the greatest of all farces Nothing tye Truth W. 48th St., Eves. 8. a, Mats. Wed. and - at 2.30. THE

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Musician: “Good Lord, Emma! don’t you realize that one of those kids is yelling in F sharp and the other in C flat?” The Tryst of East and West Are the canny Scot and the heathen Chinee brethren under their skins? Judge from the tales of a medical missionary who was born in Glasgow. In a joss house at Bhamo resides the patron deity of travellers. After the sup- pliant oxcart drivers and merchants have prayed and ascertained the lucky days for their journeys, they shake a bamboo vase near the joss and toss out one of the numbered strips of bamboo which it contains. The number indicates the amount _they | shall give to the priest. Strangely enough the strips most worn with use are those bearing the smallest amounts: for the practised votary dexterously shakes the vase until he sees that a small number will fall out and govern his expenditures. On the farther side of the globe is an outlying Scottish parish, whereto came re- cently a new dominie. His complaint of AGENT: “ t part of the small church collection was overheard by one of the elders. “They are close —verra close,” nodded the elder, “Our auld meenister, now, he’d put twa or three saxpence in th’ plate just for example — to gi’ ’em a start. O’ course he took back th’ saxpence after the service.” The dominie followed the suggestion next Sunday, but found when he counted the collection, that there was but fourpence on the plate, — his own sixpence pieces missing. The elder shook his head sagely, “‘Ah weel,” he croaked, ‘“‘Ye maun be a better preacher, but ye’re no’ as canny as your predeceesor. He always glued his saxpences to th’ plate.” niiicee “Trishmen do not have to make any apologies for their conduct.” — One of them. Can.this be the reason why the Inter- borough employs so many of them in the Subway?’ Mr. Hearst’s stand in regard to the Administration’s misgovernment in the Philippines is most admirable. — Some Paper or Other. We have lost our notes, but to the best of our recollection this appeared in either the New York American or the New York Evening Journal. A Bronx pickpocket won freedom by promising the magistrate to wear gloves hereafter to cure himself of the habit. — Local news item. Boxing gloves would be the most discour- aging. “Colonel Roosevelt steered the Progressive ship as long as the sailing was good.” — Amos Pinchot. Or as long as Brother Perkins provided the necessary wind. ow ee car is it that doesn’t seem to work right?” Mororist: “The part that works!” k's no other duly than to please UNNY BROO ner , Lt : =| } '\ oe 1 ee Comics, Cartoons, Com- mercial, Newspaper and Br ORDA = a Pastel and Crayon Portraits. Ontase ae By Mail or Local Classes. Swall sums you now fritter away tui- tin. Write fr terms, list of suecessful pupils and instruction method FREE. ASSOCIATED ART STUDIOS 2202 Flatiron Building, New York Wanted to represent Puck ona Colle € liberal pemunlueloe lan. Easy, pleasant way of making money Men in college. We want a hustler in every college and prepara- tory school in the country, and the first avail- able applicant from each institution will be iven the exclusive representation. Write uCK, Madison Square, New York. Bil tra the wil Ri hus of 1 opt or } the De bri the sur the sett din pig tab kee tha hol tha are for cor be goi pre pai

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“Look, Grandma; I found a leaf in the Bible — 1 am sure it must be Eve’s!” Long Live the Tory In these days of progress we feel almost traitorous to suggest the value of the Tory to the community. Besides, we would not willingly hurt the feelings of Mrs. Nouveau Riche, bless her loyal little heart. Her husband is not a tory. Had he been a dreamer of the dead past, would he have had faith and optimism to manufacture suspender buttons or safety pins on such a scale that he is now the suspender button or safety pin king? Decidedly not. He would still be laying bricks while she takes in washing to help out the income at Poverty Flat. Young Mr. Nouveau Riche, their son, to be sure, may wear a monocle and refuse to see the lure of toil in a sordid factory. He may in fact occasionally tell his cronies in con- fidence that the socialistic tendencies of the day are rapidly sending the country to the bow-wows. But young Mr. Nouveau-Riche is, though he would be the last to agree with us, not an American. He is the mistletoe of our generation; a rather decorative exotic parasite who thrives on the sturdier members of society. His claim to toryism is ineligible. Because it is a pose, it is also negligible. We are referring to the bred-in-the-bone tory; the tory who pays so little heed to public opinion he could not pose; the tory who, a solitary white man in a Gold Coast settlement, respects convention by wearing a dinner coat to his solitary meal. He has been called obstinate and more often pig-headed. But he will go to any length for a cause in which his inherent and old es- tablished rights are involved. That is why a tory is of value to a com- munity. He will see that his taxes are used to keep the streets clean and his home protected; that for his nickel he gets a seat and does not hold a strap from the Bronx to Battery Park; that the city parks and national playground are used for the purposes they are intended for and not encroached on by individuals or corporations. The stand-pat tory may not be so pleasant a companion as his easy- going optimistic neighbor, but his perpetual protest for a continuance of the old order may do a deal of good. Rheumania, it seems, is in considerable pain. tad ttt UT iad UUuegnans.gucaee HM I meant Rant “He rastled with my finger —the d---d little cuss!” About 50 years ago an unknown young man wrote a story. Ina flash it made him famous. The story was ‘‘The Luck of Roaring Camp.”’ The author was Bret Harte; then an impressionable young man, fresh from the mining camps of California. ‘‘The Luck of Roaring Camp”’ would have beaten a path to the door of any writer. It won with its common humanity as the Luck won the sin-blackened hearts of Roaring Camp. Roaring Camp was a rough mining town at the foot of the Sierras. A woman of the town dies in her travail and her soul climbs “that rugged road that led to the stars, and so passed out of Roaring Camp, its sin and shame forever."’ Her baby lives. The male contingent of the camp answers its new born wail. And little baby fingers clutch rough hearts with surprising results. parts of the country the intrepid men and women that have always made the world’s pioneers. They came from hamlet and town, good and bad, with time—some day—you would get the rest of Bret the rough virtues and vices of a young people in Harte’s great stories, “M'liss,” ‘“The Outcasts a new country. of Poker Flat,” “Salomy Jane's Kiss,” and HA Well, h y have “¥ R> e ere you have > q a host of others. Maybe you have read this famous story; maybe you have finished it with tears in your eyes, and your heart pounding? Maybe you promised yourself some- Bret Harte loved them—all of them. \. And if they had collided with a few man- \. made laws or dallied on the primrose \. path he gave them his affection the \ quicker. He loved them for their \ weaknesses because their sins brought them closer to the under- standing of his great heart Learned critics, in later have solemnly praised 4 ~ stories and promised to them the immortality of genius. But before them and greater than their praise was a generation of Americans— the great army—of common folk— the people of Lincoln—who took Bret Harte to their own, who your chance! The Metropolitan has just completed arrangements with the Houghton Mifflin Company of Boston, Bret Harte’s authorized / publishers, for'a special 4-volume edition of Bret Harte'’s Selected Stories—the ones that have stood the test of time. They are in four handsome green cloth bindings— 40 wonderful short stories. As you read each story you will lay down the volume and say,"‘Well, he can't possibly beat that one’’— Presto! The next is even more thrill- ing, closing with a bang—leaving you laughing and sometimes blinking your eyes rather suspiciously. laughed and oried over his stories; whose hearts were touched with his Bret Harte’s stories are of the Far West and the tenderness, whose. sympathy and love for days of '49. They picture for Americans of to-day the men and women, good and bad, was broad- courageous souls and times of a great nation in the brai heart the making. The lure of gold had attracted from all 4 one " ened and deepened by a@ great writer. Here Is How You Can Get ¢ The Four Volumes, FREE ; ¢ Send ten cents with the coupon on this pa oin or stamps will do. On receipt of ir ¢ cou the four Bret Harte volumes will be wcipoed you outhes charges prepaid. 23 ¢ nists Your name will be entered for an 18 months’ subscription for Metropolitan and also ¢ McClure’s. (Subscriptions may be either new or renewal.) F apy Then you pay $1.00.a month for four months—$4. Ae s all! This pays ? wane. for your magazines and you Pay less than newsstand ? a The books are yours, free. If you prefer to pay all at ended only $3.75. . mS Ry - 2 teltiae Best Stories is Christmas Is Coming 7 _coaraee prepaid’, Also eater my subscription for Metro- with its perplexing gift pr “ye? Let this solve at least two of your gift worries. Books or the Metropolitan = the ¢ McClure subscription o . sent to a different address (or 3 ? I different addresses), and at your oie we will mail a pretty 2 g ay ae eee — ed oo will be received : v7 Es ge codbsagecn shapes eamebese A WESeA ’ Ria noth cote eiwededaainiatbans dined METROPOLITAN 4f Pores: you tet to an etree ar 432 Fourth Avenue, - New York 9/ sn=egerinsunie hte * 1 SSUCPTERNSUR AL APUAE MRNAS DAINMEERIONAT TENET | AMURURETT AGATA UNE URET ESSN NNR: 1.94. 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24 The Success of the Season (Continued from page 15) (Clipping from any paper. Sept. 29th.) PALAVER THEATRE Broadway and 00th Street Matinees Wednesdays and Saturdays ConsTANTINE GONOD presents THE 53D WEEK OF THE YEAR With LUCIE RAYFELLE - TINKER GRIGS 1 (Clipping from Tue Rainsow Macazine.) LITTLE INTERVIEWS WITH GREAT PLAYERS. Miss Lucy RAyYFELLeE. Miss Rayfelle, who received me in a won- derful pink negligée, showed all her pearly teeth when I foolishly remarked that she seemed in the pink of condition. “Naughty boy!” she said, wistfully twist- ing the tail of her pet goldfish, and we plunged into tittle-tattle of her forthcoming appearance in “The 53d Week of the Year.” “How do you like your new part?” I asked her, taking one of her special cigar- ettes. She has them made in Egypt spe- cially by the Bey of Bazooka. “I think it is splendid.. Mr. Brookes seems to have given me just the part I have always dreamt of. Of course, it is not quite the same as Dotty Darling in ‘Boysies,’ but if you can understand me — more Shawy and Wildey. And then, again, the modern tendency of the drama is to- wards the simple. People are tired of problems.” “You are right. That is what the great German critic Guggenheim thinks. Back to the woods, and all that sort of thing.” “Not exactly,” she murmured, a charm- ing frown dimpling her face; “but it really doesn’t matter. I think it is wonderful,” she added, at my fifth cup of tea punch, “so wonderful that New York is always wanting to see a poor little girl like me, and it’s all hard work that has done it.” “Ah, you men are all flats or flatterers,”’ she lisped wittily as I made my adieux. (Clipping from Tue Sunpay TELEGRAPH.) Willoughby Brookes, author of ““The 53d Week of the Year” and other plays, is as cunning in making a get-away as a crisp new tenspot, and I had to lie in wait for him. When I did get him on the run his cordiality was excessive, and I escaped accepting a stogie from him by the merest fluke. “The stogie,” he said, thoughtfully, ‘“‘is the poor relation of the cigar. It very often has a lean appearance, an empty inside and a decent sense of its own demerits.” “When did you commence playwriting?” I asked. Mr. Brookes looked cautiously around. (Continued on page 25) HH 1 the brands chosen are “Same for 100 years” is the choice of most hos- pitals, which attests to the merits of this pure, excep- tional rye. Aged in the wood and bottled in bond, the favorite of a century. A. OVERHOLT & CO. Pittsburgh, Pa. ML s OSPITALS use nothing but bottled-in-bond whiskey, and spital their purity and strength as well. Old Overholt Rye Rex Beach’s New Novel \. END © MMMM | $1.35 net Established 1817 RAINBOW’S A romance of the Cuban War of Independence. Here is all the flavor of its struggle against the Spaniards, the cruelty and bra- very of the contest, a lost treasure, Southern beauty and love, fight- ing and filibustering and an Irish- American hero, who was not the kind of man to leave any of it untasted. And, like seeds in the Cuban oranges, humor is in it all. HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK ben IR Ane January $1.50 a year. C. A. AKELEY, New York, N. Y. FRANK S. DAGGETT, Museum of Science, Los Angeles, Cal. EDMUND HELLER, Smithsonian Institute, Washington, D. C. C. HART MERRIAM, Biological Survey, Washington, D. C. American Museum Natural History, Forty-three Years In the Great Out-Doors OREST AND STREAH A Gentleman’s Magazine HE unquestioned authority in America, upon all that pertains to hunting, fishing, wood-craft, the natural sciences, etc., etc. In its long and useful career this magazine has dofe much to promote a healthful interest in Out-Door recreation and to cul- tivate a refined taste for natural objects. It has a strong hold upon the affections of many of the ntost highly repre- sentative American gentlemen, gentlemen who have lived and who want others to live the real life—the life with nature. If you have not seen a copy of FOREST & STREAM within the past month —see one now. At all newsdealers 15c. a copy, $1.00 a year — Commencing To men*who know, the names below should serve as a guarantee that FOREST & STREAM will be conducted not only as an at- tractive magazine, but one of very large usefulness and influence. GOVERNING BOARD GEORGE BIRD GRINNELL, 238 East’ 15th Street, New York, N. Y. WILFRED OSGOOD, Field Museum, Chicago, Ill. JOHN M. PHILLIPS, Pittsburgh, Pa. CHARLES SHELDON, Washington, D. C. GEORGE SHIRAS, III, Washington, D. C. WILLIAM BRUETTE, Editor Forest and Stream Publishing Company Publishers 118 East 28th Street, New York City clu pri tin alr pe TI le:

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The Success of the Season (Continued from page 24) “You won’t tell. You can keep a secret?” I hastened to assure him that I could. “Then keep it,” he shouted, and before I could control my mirth he was gone. Mr. Brookes is a sure winner. (Clipping. New Yorx Tevecram.) Several new plays had their first New York appearances this week. Tinker Grigs and Lucy Rayfelle opened in “The 53d Week of the Year” at The Palaver on Monday night. . . . Some of yesterday’s papers, commenting on the play, said, in part: THe Sun:—“It is rather a crudely clumsy piece of work. We are rather sur- |” prised to find so facile and accomplished a comedian as Tinker Grigs wasting his time in trying to breathe life into this already moribund comedy.” THe Worip:— “It is as frail as the flowers that bloom in the spring, and not so pretty nor fresh. Miss Rayfelle labored hard to get an atmosphere of reality past the front row of the orchestra.” Tue Eventnc Post: — “When the piece finally gets into action, which it is a long time in doing, it begins to be less tiresome than at first, and the last few minutes drew chuckles and frequent bursts of mirth.” TeLecram: — “The play as a cure for the blues is not to be taken too seriously.” Tue Journat: — “Miss Rayfelle’s ap- pearance was greeted with much applause.” ‘Eventnc Woritp: — “The new play at The Palaver is the one we prefer to say least about.” (Clipping from the advertisement column of all the newspapers.) PALAVER Broadway and 00th Street Evenings 8.30. Saturday Matinees 2.30 Lucire RayYFELLeE ‘& TINKER GrIGS THE 53D WEEK OF THE YEAR A Triumph for all concerned. Robin Sant “\y seceemes the glad digits to this p The Werld—Atmoapher of reality. Evening World he play of the year. The Sun—Facile and accomplished. The Journal— Much applause. Telegram—C ure for the blues. Evening a chuckles and frequent bursts ‘of mirth From America, some stunning new SILK Men’s New Fall Furnishings From London Just the necessary bit out of the ordinary to make them worth while. SCARFS, of rich hand-loomed silks; hand- some effects on two-toned grounds; and neat figures, at $1.95 and $2.45. DRESSING GOWNS, of soft woolens, some vicuna-finished, at $13.48. Others, of luxur- ious silks, at $29.98, $34.98 and $39.98. SHIRTS at $6.98. ABRAHAM -» STRAUS BROOKLYN, NEW YORK (Letter. Oct. 19th.) B. Anc#t, Esa.’ My dear boy:— Much against my own wishes I am com- pelled to shut down “The 53d Week” o Saturday, 22d. Better luck next time. By the by, might I ask you to let me have the second instalment of $5,000 in a day or two. We will need every cent to square up things. Yours, in all condolence, Constantine Gonop. (Continued on page 26) MORE SHORT SIXES Bound in brown buckram, gold stamped, 230 pages, 5 x 714 inches, illustrated by C. J. Taylor, with autograph silhouette of Mr. Bunner. THE SUBURBAN SAGE Cloth-bound stam in gold and silver; 175 s, 5x M4 inches, illustrated by C. J. Taylor, with autograph portrait of Mr. Bunner. If your Bookseller cannot supply these titles, send $1.00 by check, money-order or cur- rency, and the desired volume will be forwarded —_ Both volumes to the same address, $1 PUCK, Madison Square, New York The Bunner Books a,j

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The Success of the Season (Continued from page 25) (Letter. Oct. 20th.) Dear WiLLoucusy — What can I say? You took me by sur- prise and I had to plead for time to recover. Of course, I think you are one of the dearest boys I know, but, alas—oh, how sorry I am to say it — not the very dearest. I shall always cherish the memory that you asked me to be your wife and I do hope that some day, when you have forgotten, you will find someone worthy of you. For you deserve someone who would be a greater help to you than I could ever hope to be. Always your friend, Lucie. (Letter. Oct. 20th.) My pear Brookes: I am reluctantly compelled to close on Saturday. Business has been absolutely flat. We couldn’t even paper the house. Perhaps a revised version might be feasible in the future. With all sympathy and condolence. Yours ever, ConstTanTINeE Gonop. (Clipping from New Yorwx Wortp: October 22d.) Mr. Gonod promises a revival of “The Cosy Corner Girl” with an all-star cast at the Palaver Theatre on October 3lst, to follow “The 53d Week of the Year,” withdrawn. (Letter. Nov. Ist.) My pear AncEL:— Can you drop around this week? | I think I might manage to let you in on a good thing. Many thanks for your cheque received to-day. What are you doing with yourself now-a-days? Yours, as ever, ConsTANTINE Gonop. (Letter. Nov. 2d.) Dear Gonop:— I am going on an Arctic expedition. Give my regards to Miss Rayfelle and say how sorry I am that there wasn’t better luck for her. Say good-bye to her for me. Yours sincerely, B. Ance. (Letter. Nov. 3d.) Mrs. Seasricut, Bellavista, Palm Beach, Florida. Darling Molly:— You were quite right about B. A. He is a dub. The poor fellow was quite crazy about me, but you know money would never tempt me. I have found the only man I love. ‘Guess! Yes! Old Tinker. We are to be married sometime in January or later. You see, we can get a top price in vaudeville. Yes, the two a day. But not a word to any- one. I wouldn’t for worlds have it cxme out. When are you coming back to town? I wish you’d give up the society business and come back to the spotlight. Sometimes I envy you, but what’s the use — we've all got our way totravel. Don’t be so stingy with your mail. ; Your Lucte. P.S.—I was right, about “The 53d Week.” Terrible flop. Five Famous PUCK Prints GRAPE SHOT By Lou Mayer THE SERENADE by B. Wennerberg Sent to any address on receipt of $1.00, check or currency. Prints sold separately, at 25 cents each. THE PEARL IN THE OYSTER by Lou Mayer HERE’S LOOKING AT YOU by Lou Mayer The Latest in Evening Gowns by Walter Dean Goldbeck Five charming den pictures in full color, on heavy plate paper, size 11 x 14, sent to any address, ¢are- fully protected and all ] 51.00 ready for framing for Puck PUBLISHING CORPORATION, 210 Fifth Ave., New York

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An Essentially Humorous Act The Kaiser has conferred upon his son a military decoration, as a reward for his violent and hair-raising efforts to take Verdun. This is an excellent example for the Kaiser to set, as it shows that efficiency is not the Ultimate Fetish of all Germans, as we Outlanders have always thought. We may expect to find the Kaiser’s admirers following in his footsteps and conferring Master of Art degrees on young men who have wasted five or seven years in a vain attempt to worm their way through college. We may hope to behold Professor Muensterberg giving marks of 99 to Harvard students who don’t know what he is talking about. We may find golf clubs awarding commodious silver cups to the duffers who hack out the most divots and use up the greatest number of strokes when com- peting in tournaments. Hostesses whose sym- pathies lean toward the Central Allies will have to give their bridge prizes to the players who have the lowest scores. And leading German business houses, if they steer the same course as that over which the Kaiser has started, wil! pay the highest salaries to the men who spend the most money and obtain the least results. If the Kaiser should ever care to make any explanation of his reasons for conferring the aforementioned military decoration, almost any vaudeville man- ager would pay well to have him deliver it in the form of a monologue. Vaudeville managers are eager for all the humorous stuff they can get. The Master Mind Once there was a young married man who came home and found that his wife had made a mess of it. Literally, a mess of it. She couldn't tell, for a fact, what it was she had made, whether it was a stew, a souffle or a pudding. She gave it up. So did he, when he tasted it. A little of everything was in it, but there was no harmony, no team work on the part of the ingredients. Did the young married man get mad and say unkind things, as so many young married men would have done? Notatall. He hada better idea than that. He was a young married man with a master mind. “Do you think you could make puzzles like this right along?” he asked pointedly. “Just like this?” — I guess so,” replied his bride, rather downheartedly, it must be confessed. “S’ nough,” said the young married man. Whereupon he strode straight off to a big store and there purchased six imitation teak- wood tables, inlaid with make-believe pearl. Then he bought two pair of window-curtains, made of make-believe bamboo. And a pair of portieres made of the same. He bought ten Chinese lanterns, made of paper, and a weird dinner set with red dragons ail over it. These he had sent home. When they arrived, he arranged them cor- rectly in the front room, put a sign “CHINESE RESTAURANT, CHOP SUEY” in the window, and installed his wife as cook. They are turning ’em away every night. ck | Le = (me = MED *... on that morning the post brought news from our Richmond friend,—good news in the substantial form of packets of cigarettes of Virginia tobacco.” It is like stepping back into a quicter more courteous period, to di into the aristocratic contents of a box of “good old Richmond Straight Cuts,” No other cigarette is quite like them. They have a subtle charm and quaint, old-time delicacy to be found only in their pure,“ bright” Virginia tobacco, You will find them ; just as appealing today as when the first ones were fashioned over two generations ae RICHMOND STRAIGHT “CUT, ag ee all Cigarettes PLAIN OR CORK TIP Fifteen cents WAN QUADS SAS Also in attractive tins, 50 for 40 cents: 100 for 75 cents, Sent pre- paid if your dealer can- not supply you. a Virciwia,US.A. Mien Gur Cnte’) weet MYERS TOBACCO CO. successor x Do Business by Mail It's fita bl. lists of pros- Our i yp Raye pects. h tion on Mail Advertising quantity on 6, — ational snsiling Note $95, guaranteed. War Manel Mfrs. Wealthy Men Cheese Box Mfrs. Axle Grease Mfrs. Shoe Retailers a ‘armers, Write for "this valuable reference book: also prices and samples of fac-simile letters. Have us write or revise your Sales Letters, Ross-Gould, 806-E Olive St. Ross-Gould on inside. Coins are protected in separate pocket with leather clusp. | Identification card and 1917 a Ke furnished in celluloid covered Loa! . © | ‘ ti ' no pockets. Two extra pockets for cards, siamps, Price 50c. ESeiEtde Feb cies "062 waren st. Chicago, m. | Basts St.Louis A USEFUL XMAS GIFT The “Austin” Billfold. “35 %.cortss,puec* Size open four and one-half by cight and one-half in.; closed | by four and one-half in. For ~~ or gentiemen. iditle fold’ nes nent oly | The fi rst man to advertise Websters Dictionary i Faultless —not defective —free from blemish # — free from incorrectness

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