Puck 1914-05-16: Vol 75 Iss 1941

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THE BOOK WORM And Her Favorite Book WEEK ENDING MAY 16, 1914 PRICE TEN CENTS

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Sa pees ee ‘ SS ra STITT TITitigitisiiistitiililiiiii lili) ll sSeeRSESSRGSGSTEUCSTELITCLISEEDISRTETERTOSSE SE a seesoctaceenaceseeeseeeetCREESSSCRESELHIESIESSREROSSORSSSSEUSDSSCGROSESSEIRGEISSRERE SIR EDRDUSEROSOREEDDRARAESROEEDE SET: ————————————— oe ener Published by PUCK PUBLISHING CORPORATION VoL. LXXV. NO. 1941. 293-309 Lafayette Street. New York NATHAN STRAUS, Jr., President H. GRANT STRAUS, Sec. and Treas Art — spelled lower-case or with caps, as Our Art e —has long clamored for a vehicle : or its freest expression, in word or picture. Receives ? Gace has sheaiiteatt endeavored b sever Commendation the bonds of Grun yism that have held poor Art in duress, and it is pleasing to note that our efforts in this respect have not passed unsung. We quote from our esteemed Fiend and contemporary, the Cleveland Leader : “*. . . the rehabilitated Puck, recognizing the new art from the old and fancying it, proceeds to buy it and reproduce it in colors on its WEEK ENDING May 16, 1914 cuesuvassesnes 5) ROIIEIITITITITMIII iri ee =_— Editor. HY MAYER General Manager, FOSTER GILROY Literary Editor. A. H. FOLWELL Business Manager, W. G. NAYLOR At the outset of its career under new guid- Next Week’s ance, Suew promised a bigger and better s periodical the moment its new owners got in 24-Page step with the editorial and mechanical prob- Paper lems that confronted them, and this promise will have its fulfilment next week, when Gace will reach you in twenty-four page form. As we view this number on the presses, we cannot suppress a feeling of pride, in that it comes more nearly to our Neal, and fills its appointed niche in the publishing field more acceptably than any issue that we have heretofore sent out. Those of you : who remember “The Lure of the covers. It is awise step for the new Puck to take, for, outside of the wisdom and artistic value of its proce- dure, it is giving the public at large its only opportunity to see and to learn and to like the new art.” The italics are ours. It is one of the paradoxes of fate that convention- alism, in its application to publish- ing, should have reached its zenith in ademocracy. “We-never-did-it- before” has kept many a periodical at half speed on the sgfotionk of convention, when the broad high- way of freedom in art and letters stretches endless before. The most brilliant piece of biography in a THE SERENE MAID 7 THE NEWS IN RIME - THE LOVES - - - EXAMINATION IN PHARMACY “WITH THE SLAVERS”’ COVER DESIGN - - A NEW RECKONING . TRAVELIES—I_ - - BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP WHO’S WHO IN BARBARIA Contents of this Issue IN TEXT THE SEVEN ARTS (/ilustrated by C. R. Falls) PUCK’S GOLF IDIOT (/é/ustrated by H. B. Martin REGISTER OF A RICH YOUNG MAN - UPS AND DOWNS OF WALL STREET - IN ILLUSTRATION THE RED TO THE WHITE - THE PART HE NEVER PLAYED - - Other drawings by Modest Stein, L. M. Green Eyes” and the “ Blue-bird,” will recognize in “The Butterfiy” and “Singed” (companion paint- ings in next week’s Guex) two of the most masterly pieces from Barribal’s brush yet reproduced in this country. Indeed, the appear- - STOKELY S. FISHER - F. DANA BURNET JAMES HUNEKER - - DOROTHY PAUL P. A. VAILE } é . - = WILLS. ADKINS ance of this clever Englishman’s T. LUMMIS work in recent numbers has done - _- > LEWIS ALLEN much to establish the color-leader- AN INSIDER ship now so unquestionably held by Gee. Hy Mayer is represented with a ‘jutieanae in full color, “Hints to Those About to Take Their First Trip Abroad,” in which this inimitable cartoonist gives un- - WILL HOUGHTON . GILLES - JOSEPH KEPPLER HERBERT PAUS - > 7 HY MAYER | bridled expression to whimsicalities - - HEINRICH KLEY : - Hy Mayer || that have caught his eye on land and sea. Strimpl, the German decade — printed during the past winter — went arm-in-arm with re- jection slips in and out of half the editorial rooms of America before it found lodgment on the copy hook of a man whose vision extended beyond the nib of his pen. DOC Glackens, C. T. Anderson, Will Craw- ford, G. K. Chamberlain, W. E. Hill Copyright, 1914, by Puck Publishing Corporation Terms Puckis matled to subscribers at $5.00 per year,or $2.50 for stx months. Canadian subscriptions, $5.50 per year, $2.75 for six months ; Foreign, $6.00 per year, $3.00 for six months. All communica- tions should be addressed to the Puck Publishing Corporation. Puck will use its best care with MSS., but cannot be held responsible for their loss. MSS. sent in by mail should be accompanied by a self-addressed and stamped envelope or wrapper, otherwise they cannot be returned. Entered at N. Y. P. O. as Second-Class Mail Matter color spendthrift who delighted you with “The Last Quarter of the Honeymoon,” is with us again with a splendid handling of brilliant hues. It is perhaps permissible, in drawing attention to the forth- coming enlarged Guew., to advise CURUCRDAESGRtiiaRatte SUOUCUUECANCGUUEUOREEAUAVUCOUUERUUODILIUERULOUCOUEOR EG DEQRUGLOCOUGOEOLOILSROROEEEOREGSROLIEEE! DELETE TTT TTT ii) | bhbbbdbbbbbbbhdbdb ddd tL ILI IIIT IIIT ITT TTT ity an early order at your news-stand. “No paper but @uex_ would have dared print it,” declared one artist, of our recent pictorial parallel between Futurism and Post- Impressionism. We admit it! Let us see what the New York Times has to say of this very phase of Guow: “‘ Puck has awakened to a sense of aesthetic responsi- bility. It has given a page to James. Huneker’s criti cisms which insures attention from those whose atten- tion is steadily above par, even in a war market; it is getting cover designs from artists who completely attack the eye in the usual pretty girl and Spring blossom chaos of a news-stand, and now it has one of the most enlivening of Marin’s water-color drawings of New York on an inner page.” To the young man or young woman whose oop of humor prompts a timid invasion into the editorial shambles, we would say, “Send it first to @uen,” be the message on canvas, in prose, or in verse. During the past few months, Guew has increased its circulation more than 7,000 copies, and many newsdealers have been unable to adjust their orders to this rapid growth. For the convenience of readers who still prefer to accept Sue on a probationary basis, a coupon is provided on another page, which, when properly filled out and pinned to a dollar bill, brings @uew for three months. Send yours in to-day —just for fun / It is with pleasure that @uex announces George Jean Nathan as a new contributor to its pages. Mr. Nathan is now on the high seas, Europe- bound, where he will make the round of the new shows in London, Paris, Berlin and Vienna. On his return he will discuss for @aea readers the dramatic tendencies of the day with a generous seasoning of humorous small-talk from the centers on which social New York revolves. 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Painted by GILLES THE NEW RECKONING THE FAMILY DOCTOR: How much exercise do you take in the course of a day? A good deal? FAIR BUT FAGGED PATIENT: Not much. About half a dozen tangoes and a dozen maxixes.

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The strike situation in Colorado is appalling, but equally appalling has been the conduct of the strike sympa- thizers in New York. We know nothing of the actual state of affairs in Colorado. We doubt if anyone in New York knows exactly what is going on in Colorado. But this Puck does know: That the treatment that has been accorded Mr. John D. Rockefeller, Jr., in New York is disgusting, absurd and a public nui- sance. As one man well expressed it: “This is the only country in the world in which a man is publicly baited be- cause he is rich. This of all the coun- tries in the world is also the one in which there is the least poverty and the widest distribution of wealth. Those who have suffered and struggled in Europe know this so well that they hear the mouthings of anarchists, professional talkers and militant self- advertisers with something like loathing and disgust. There is only one remedy for this sort of thing—immediate action on the part of the police and magis- trates.” Whoever is right or wrong in Colorado, there is no justification for public abuse and annoyance to a re- spectable private citizen in his home and his business in New York. If allowed to go unchecked, the sort of thing that has been going on towards Mr. Rockefeller can only lead to mob rule and lynch law. It is now only a mild example of the mob hysteria which in its extreme means lynchings and the other horrors of mob rule. ¥ In times of stress or peril the wise man does not know it all. Silence is especially golden when the tempta- tion to shoot off one’s mouth is great. Among the phenomena of the moment is the amazingly large number of citi- zens, prominent and otherwise, who know just what the President should do and should not do in handling the prob- lems of his office. Nothing is too com- plicated for them; nothing too difficult or too delicate. Times of stress invari- ably bring out such citizens, and one marvels at the fact that in great emer- gencies the wrong man is invariably found at the head of the nation. For those who hesitate to criticize for fear the President and his intimate advisors may be better posted than they are, we have but one faltering word of cheer. Posterity frequently reveres whom con- temporaries had hammered. A lot of people knew Washington to be a hope- less incompetent. And nothing was too bad for some papers to say of Abraham Lincoln. Yet both are fairly eee SS ts eS, ¥ “What Fools these Mortals Be!”’ well thought of in this day and genera- tion. When tempted to assign Wood- row Wilson to his place in history, why not let posterity do it? * A lot of enthusiastic Kansas men recently came East to boost their home State and its products. It jarred them to discover that all the self-centered New Yorker knows about Kansas is that it is somewhere west of the Palisades of the Hudson. Drawn sy NELSON GREENE DARKEST MEXICO—-FREE AMERICA What’s a Little Thing Like a Boundary Line?

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a a A a eT OE air aa ——— THE NATURAL INFERENCE MRS. McXIXE: See the lovely diamond ring my husband gave me yesterday. MRS. GALEY: Good gracious! What did you get on him? INVISIBILITY ** Your father,” exclaimed the youth, bitterly, “‘simply can’t see me.” But the maiden was not disturbed. ‘You are all the dearer for that—it reduces the visible supply !”’ she declared, with a charming mingling of love and economics. ¥ * To err is not only human, it is progressive. ILLUSTRATED AXIOM The whole is greater than any of its parts. PRUDENCE MRS. WAYUPP: Are they economical? MRS. BLASE: I should say so. They have just stretched their 1910 mortgage to cover their 1914 car. THE SERENE MAID Maid in the sunshine bright, Maid where the rude wind sweeps, Frocking so thin and so tight -— He peeps! ht ;' ANYTHING TO PLEASE e€ mere man peeps! ater , Pent CITY EDITOR (ironically): I suppose you’d ae like to solve a murder mystery, to begin with? LATEST CUB (promptly): You’re the boss, sir. Maid in the level light, Know you that gown? It creeps — Know you to what a height? He peeps! The mere man peeps! Peeps! Maid in the sunshine bright, Know you the hem o’erleaps Silk, leaving cotton in sight? He peeps! The mere man peeps! Peeps! SENTENCE SUSPENDED MAGISTRATE: You are accused of mis- treating your wife by pulling her hair. MR. COLE: It’s a durn lie, Jedge. Ah tried ' to, I'll admit; but after I’d gone through a pink He _— , wig an’ a wad ob false front, an’ a nest ob wire The mere man peeps! rats an’ ah hadn’t come to it yit, ah jest natch- Peeps! urly got disgusted an’ up an’ biffed her instead. Maid in the level light, Even one petticoat keeps Secrets more witching than sight — a Sabb ADD ahi ES 0H! nag

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PAI HERBERT Drawn By - - ea) Z, e>) = e aa A Pa Fe) = Seats uae: ne ys : - z i : 9s ¥ i PAGE, Sas PE etd * af

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TAS CT ag Toa Ta nes sear epee i Tp es oe ep Oi mam os in EE SSS Sir Funston and the Fifth Brigade Have joined the tropic foment, Regarding which it seems to be A Vera Cruzial moment. The German nation grasped its beer And frowned at Prohibition ; Japan will not Hit us a swat, And lots of folks went fishin’. T. R. would form a regiment To Mexicute the greasers ; The Ulster situation will Be taken up with tweezers. Vin. Astor’s wedding was enjoyed By all the Sunday papers; The cape-cut gown Has come to town, And Fashion’s cutting capers. The Colonel found a savage tribe— No doubt they’re all Progressive ; The British Army said ’twould not Descend to be aggressive. King George beheld his race-horse win, Sir Gorgas got a medal ; The dancing germ Doth gyre and squirm, And all the world’s a-pedal. °Tis said Queen Mary spent her youth A-sliding down the stairway ; The simplest route to Huerta’s camp Would seem to be the air way. B. Shaw said “ bloody” was a word That any child might bask with— Sir Cyril Maude Has flown abroad, And woe is Mr. Asquith. The Alphabet became involved In re the Mexic tangle; Vic. Huerta learned his A, B, C’s, And Rojas left the wrangle. The Wall Street range is so subdued You scarcely hear a lamb baa; John D. was ill With “ social chill,” And war is—er—Caramba! Five million folks are said to dwell In Gotham’s hustling hamlet ; Panc. Villa said he would not thrust His fingers in our jamlet. The Colorado mining war Engaged the troops’ attention; The Becker case Is back in place, Which gives us pain to mention. The battleship New York will spend Some weeks in southern watcrs; An Independence Day was had By Suffrage and her daughters. Hot Springs enjoyed a paper chase, The Polo Team is busy ; The Navy Yard Is moiling hard, And Sulzer’s feeling fizzy. F. Dana Burnet. me eg oenreenN

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THE SEVEN ARTS BY JAMES H The musical season is at an end. Whether it was good, bad, or indifferent I can’t say. I am not a musical—or unmusical— statistician. But I do know that the few operas and concerts I heard I enjoyed; in matters of criticism being a pragmatist I need not add that enjoyment is a fair test of excellence. The extraordi- nary pianist, Leopold Godowsky, at Aeolian Hall, again enchanted me. At times he makes me think of the gigantic Rosenthal— seen (or heard?) through the wrong end of an opera-glass. He is miniature, and he is almost miraculous, technically speak- ing; on the other side, he has acquired since I last heard him a bigger, more sonorous tone, and a ripeness of interpretation, especially in classic compositions, that is gratifying. I recall his first appearance here in one of the foyers of the Metropolitan Opera House, back in the nineties, when, as a youth, he dazzled us with his soft singing touch and finger facility. To-day he is more poetic; above all, in Chopin. Now that dear old Rafael Joseffy has left the concert-room forever (alas! that it is so) there is no better Chopin interpreter than Godowsky— not even Paderewski or De Pachmann. They are different, each in his own fashion. I enjoyed his Barcarolle and F Minor Fantasy, while his original versions and variations on several of the etudes set his audience to wondering if perfection was not present, technical perfection, the im- possible achieved. Moriz Rosenthal, on being asked the other day to name the greatest living pianist, answered: “It is not for me to say his name, but I can tell you the second best— Busoni.” It sounds like the witty Galician virtuoso (didn’t you know he was born in Lemberg?), but I think if he had heard Josef Hofmann in Carnegie Hall at his last recital he would have substituted his name for Busoni’s. Hofmann is another miracle-worker, and as intellectual as Von Bulow, though he can’t boast the pianola-like perfection of Rosen- thal. I hope he never will. I’m weary of \/ of ”, Ks th Fe

human piano-playing machines. And Jozio, as we Called him in 1888, when he was a prodigy of eleven years, has a bigger repertory than Rosenthal, who, privately, plays everything, but in public prefers to cling to his old-time bag of pieces and concertos. I am still skeptical about his Chopin performances. They are irre- proachable, technically; they indicate the appreciation of many qualities; there is the rubato, the morbidezza, the nuance, and a wide range of dynamics; yet the inner spiritual fire burns dimly before the shrine of the Polish music-god: Why? It isn’t any deficiency of musical sense—Hofmann is musical to his finger tips. I like Harold Bayer better in Schumann, because he is more poetic, and his tone more planturous; but Hofmann plays Beethoven and Bach, and also Liszt (this doesn’t mean “‘also ran” in Liszt’s case) with enviable understanding and

KERU numerous, and the public apparently insatiable. Elman is still the violin virtuoso par excellence. His play is warmer, more human—even if not as impeccable—than Kubelik’s, and in the matter of technics he is hard to parallel. His G string sounds like a cello, his harmonics are fluting, and he can do fabulous things with bow and fingers; plucking the strings so that they assault the ear like hail, and up-staccato bowing and a fiail-like attack in chords that all stun if they do not edify the ear. However, this Titan only exaggerates at times. He is very musical, and has ineluctable charm. I fancy that the young people in the hall will remember the joint performance of the Kreutzer as one to be treasured, just as a few oldsters recall Anton Rubinstein and Henri Wieniawski in the same sonata forty years ago. There were giants in those days. Hofmann played among his solo numbers the seldom heard “Funerailles’” of Liszt (composed 1849-1850, and not dedicated, as has been said, to the memory of Chopin, but to the conservation in tone of the sorrowful events in Hungary in 1848, and to the memory of his three friends, the Hungarian patriots, Prince Felix Lich- nowsky, and the Counts Ludwig Batthanyi, and Ludislaus Teleki). With its “‘ Parsifal’”’ bells booming in the bass, this work never- theless reminds me of the funeral march of the Flat-Iron Building. It is quite as huge and as bizarre.

A French lady declares she doesn’t admire American men. She says she has studied them on Fifth Avenue, between the hours of 12 and 1 p.m., for many days. I’ve been on the same Avenue at the same time for years, and I can testify that I never once encountered a real American, though the street was black with men. I note that Knut Hamsun has been “ discovered,” rather re-discovered, for twenty years ago his “‘Hunger,” his best book and a _ personal record of the Scandinavian author, was translated and published by an American house. They even “‘ discovered ”’ last winter George Luks— but that is a story that will hold over. A story, not yet war-worn, is told of the first meeting between Richard Wagner and Karl Goldmark at Vienna. The Ger- man master happened to be in one of his usual vile humors, in this instance caused by the way his “Lohengrin” had been conducted. He abused the world on account of his poverty, and so touched the sympathies of the young Hungarian composer that he exclaimed: “But, master, are you not satisfied with the knowledge that your name will be immortal?” Still angrier, Wagner cried: “Never speak to me thus. People consoled Cherubini, as he lay on his death bed, with hopes of immortality. He moaned, ‘Immortality? Please don’t make bad jokes at such a solemn moment as this!””’ Wagner, being a pragmatist, was not troubled by any fairy tales about eternity. He needed hard cash and it was forthcoming.

hammer, enables him to split granite blocks, weld molten steel and crack the shell of an uncooked egg without spilling its contents. In a word, a muscular as well as a musical genius at his Steinway Grand. Nevertheless, I feel—and remem- ~ ber, this is a purely personal impression— that he approaches Chopin from the exterior; that his interpretation is not alto- gether personal. A virile artist and a many sided. Curious is it that from Rubinstein he never caught the sacred spark; but it’s a poor criticism, and betrays parvitude in the point of view to find fault with an artist for not being like another. There was only one Rubinstein, there is only one Paderewski, and there is but one Josef Hofmann. brilliancy. He is a musical steam-hammer ; his dynamic versatility, like that of the : y < * oaye wee ae ; LR : got = _ =. In the joint recital with Mischa Elman, at the same hall, I enjoyed the reading of Beethoven’s Kreutzer sonata, although if it had come first on the programme instead of the Cesar Franck sonata in A, we would have been in a more receptive mood. The afternoon was sultry, the encores

And, speaking of pragmatism, won’t the nineteenth century bid fair for the title of the pragmatic epoch! It is not alone in the industrial, nor in the political field, we need look; but also in the lofty region of aesthetics, where, if the air is too attenu- ated for the lungs of the workaday world, it is said to be purer. At no period were artists better paid for their creations— and, in this century, too; we sha’n’t say more honored, because one recalls the Renaissance and its worship of great poets, painters, architects and sculptors. Honors were showered upon them though they were often shy as to gold. I have always maintained the ‘heresy? — for many sentimentalists — that a genius need not be poverty stricken to develop his gift. With lyric poets I agree that poverty does spur their imagination. Poe, or James Thomson (‘“‘B.V.”’) — among how many others !— would not have written as they did, would not have imparted to their verse the sinister chill and line if they had been in affluence; nor, I am

(Continued on page 17)

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ROUNDING UP VOTERS Isn’t it perfectly horrid the way some men rave at our Cause. Personally, I don’t care, but for their own respect you’d think they wouldn’t hamper we girls in our noble aim. I never thought much of men anyhow. The Chicago elections, indeed! Well, of course, our sex couldn’t hope to cope with organized crime at first, could it? You know, in these days of enlightenment, with woman struggling for the mastery of man, the papers are just compelled to tell the truth. Of course, they never do the Cause justice and sometimes malign it most cruelly; but then, truth, however small, is always a comfort, isn’t it? You must come to the Strand to-morrow after- noon and hear a powerful discourse on the training of the modern cook by Mrs. R. U. Uptome. It will be quite enlightening, I’m sure. You know, it isn’t going to be exactly a socio- logical problem through and through. There will be a The Dansant in progress in the Gold Room and some of the handsomest men will be there! The lecture? Oh, that will be in a little side room away from the excite- LOW BRIDGE MISS SWEENEY: Where did you learn to dip so elegant, George? MR. McFADDEN: Braking on freights for three years, Libbie. THE LOVES One Love went out with a butterfly-net, Dainty and debonair ; He laughed a laugh that was light and gay, And angled for hearts in a nonchalant way, § But never a heart could he snare ! And one went out with a coach-and-four, And long were the trumpets blown ; Heralds rode east and heralds rode west, And north and south in a diligent quest Yet Love rode home alone! But one there was with a broken wing, And a beggar’s-cloak of gray And a golden heart was dropped for alms, Into the little blind beggar’s palms, By a queen as she passed his way! ment. You know, we of the younger set don’t care to bother about the annoying petty details of the Cause. Well, all right m’dear—then meet me at half- past two. I'll wear my pink chiffon, etc., etc. THE ETERNAL FEMININE ¥ APPETITES More money does not mean the same To both the sexes, I declare; More to the man means more to eat, More to the woman, more to wear! - A prima donna without temperament would be like Broadway without Forty-second Street. Drawn sy C. B. FALLS INDIFFERENT **Let me,”’ some person has exclaimed, “‘ but write the people’s songs and I care not who writes their laws.” That was quite awhile ago, however. In our day the laws are about as silly as the songs, so there really isn’t much to choose from. TUNING THEM UP SKIDS: We are off to spend a nice quiet holiday in the mountains. SKITTLES: Why the gramophone and banjo? SKIDS: Oh, they’re just to break the darned stillness of the evenings. FILM FLIM GLADYS (at the movie): Oh, I saw that play at the Elite Theatre night before last. DORIS: That’s the worst of being an inveter- ate theatre-goer nowadays! SOCIAL CALLERS COLLEGE CHUM (in the doctor's office): Well, how are they coming, old top? YOUNG DOCTOR (gloomily): In the best of health, curse the luck! AWE THE PUP: Gosh! There’s the janitor!

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PUCK’S GOLF (DIOT P. A. Vaile and H. B. Martin, Keepers “There are more fetiches in TRE golf” said the Idiot one fine morning ‘than in all the Fijian Islands bunched together.” FETICH We admitted that we were not OF THE familiar with the false worship of the Southern Seas. We as- LEFT serted that we had suffered severely for it in golf. **What is the worst fetich that you have hit so far?” we asked. “‘Unquestionably the fetich of the left’ he answered, emphatically. “‘This produces more slices than all the bread knives in all the golf-clubs of the world. It is an absolutely pernicious and false idea, but it is encour- aged by Braid, Taylor, and Vardon—and yet people won- der why even an idiot can get good American dollars by writing golf in New York. “Let me ask you right here aquestion. Mind, I am speak- ing to right-handed golfers now, and I want no left- handed attempts to annex my salary, such as I recently had. “A ribald person took a caption from under a humor- ous illustration which said: *You cannot have too much weight on your left big toe,’ and claimed, that as he was a left-hander, he had got me. “He did however have the decency to offer ‘to square it’ for fifty dollars. **I showed him that it was merely a quotation of the futility of someone else, and asked him to keep on trying for my salary. “It’s very trying for both me and my readers, cut I’m bound to fall sooner or later if they use a little more intelligence—judging by the num- bers who have a go at it, not by the quality, although that is improving rapidly. **Well, we didn’t even put him on the free list, but his fiendish ingenuity showed me how much anxiety can be crowded into a hundred dollars a week. “I reckon I have the most stimulating job in New York, and I don’t mind confessing that I have to keep awake. *“*The American golfer uses his brain much more than his English cousin. That’s why we are getting such a large number of fine young golfers. “‘In England, both in golf and tennis, the old men are on top—mark you, I do no longer call it lawn-tennis. “Let the followers of the ancient indoor game find a distinctive name for their comparatively unknown game. Tennis now is tennis all the world over. “*Well, to return to my question. “Do you know any other two-handed stroke, in games or otherwise, whereof it is asserted that the left hand and arm do most of the work? “Certainly you don’t. LL GET THAT $100 LEFT-HANDED THE RIGHT HAND IS CALLED ON TO DO MOST OF THE WORK **Well, do you even know any one-handed stroke wherein the left is more efficient than the right? **Of course you don’t! *“‘Then why imagine that golf is a law unto itself —that there is a whole set of special mechanical laws for it. DID TAYLOR, BRAID, OR VARDON WRITE ANY OF THESE? “This is practically what you are asked to believe and to practice in golf—and it will ruin anyone’s game who follows it. **Now, mind what I am saying. I am almost tempted to be serious this week, for this question is nearly as important as that of the correct distribution of the weight at the top of the swing. “The hoary old fallacy is encouraged by countless old bald heads in the game who ought to know better. Most of the younger school are ‘ getting wise’ to it, but still the spectre of the fetich of the left stalks through the kingdom of golf, leaving its windrows of victims behind it. “*George Duncan gave it a very practical trial once. He drove a number of balls with his left hand and arm, and a similar number with the right. “*He could do comparatively nothing with his left. **He did almost as well with his right alone as with both right and left. om > F any reader of Puck can show that the Idiot is wrong, he will receive from Puck the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, and the Colf Idiot will go without salary for that week. Address PUCK’S GOLF IDIOT, Puck, 301 Lafayette Street, N. Y. All letters, to receive consideration, must be signed with full name and address. Letters received by Puck’s Golf Idiot will be considered his prop- erty, for publication or other use as he may see fit. $100.00 for the FIRST letter each week PROVING HIM WRONG. ** Left-handed slicers, lay this to heart. “Here again we see the trail of the journ- alistic ghost that crawls through half the golf books in England. **England — which also _in- cludes Scotland, Ireland, and Wales when it’s anything nice we’re saying; when it isn’t, it’s just Scotch, Irish, or Welsh— is the home of golf. ** We have, to a great extent, taken our golf literature from her as authentic, even as we took our golf. TAYLOR SAYS pe THE RIGHT We have got beyond that SHOULD NOT now. They have had to take OVERPOWER THE LEFT some golf from us recently on the links. **They have now to take much more from us in the science of the game; for, in the future, we shall take our place in putting both the prac- tice and the theory of the game on a sound basis. “It’s terrible to think that it should be left to a professional idiot to do it; but, after all, the professional is nearly always better than the amateur—and they are amateurs over there. “The fact is, that England has been ‘ guying’ us. She has ‘put it over’ us most shamelessly, and we are not ‘standing for it’ any more at all at all. “*Half of the work of England is done by ob- scure hacks for men with big names and small brains. This is notori- ously so in politics. We are not however, imme- diately concerned with that. “*It is our duty to golf, now that we know that this is so, to try to stem the torrent of nonsense that comes from the enterprising publisher of golf books on the flimsiest of excuses. ‘Practically all of these books preach the fetich of the left. **Is it any wonder that Harry Vardon says that the golf of England is deteriorating? Can it do otherwise when futile nonsense is published broadcast, instead of sound golf, such as your idiot gives you? For you must remember that this is New York, where a pound sterling of Eng- lish money averages $4.85; and, if you cannot collect his salary, his word ‘ goes’ against yours. “*Feahfully vulgah, dear boy, damn it all old fellow, my lad, eh, what! But it’s the fact, and therein lies much of the real power of the dollar —and the right power of it. “They'll put you wrong for money here- if they can. ** And if they can, more power to their elbows. It’s just ‘the law of the club and the fang’— and therein lies much fun, even for your humble servant, the Idiot. **Vardon never says straight out that the left is master, but inferentially he does so again and again. **This is the kind of thing he releases: ‘ This is one of the few shots in golf in which the right hand is called on to do most of the work.’ (Continued on page 19) ONE MUST HIT NATURALLY

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EXAMINATION IN PHARMACY ‘I have been thinking,”’ said the head of the College of Pharmacy, “that our examinations for junior clerks are not practical. We ask questions that seldom or never come up in the actual practice of pharmacy, whereas questions that do come up I fear we almost entirely over- look.”’ ** You are doubtless right,’”” assented the pro- fessor of chemistry. *““So I have been thinking,”’ continued the dean, ‘‘that it might be a good idea to go to some intelligent drug clerk, one who is now working in a store, and who would be willing to compile a list of questions that come to a phar- macist in ordinary life. Do you know of such a clerk?” “t Go.” *“‘Then kindly request him to prepare the questions for our next examination in phar- macy.”’ A few days later the professor of chemistry accordingly submitted the following list: I. What have you new in soda- fountain drinks? II. What car goes to Forty-second and Umphsteenth streets ? III. (a) Was there a blond young man in here this morning waiting for me? (6) Was he angry? IV. Got any stamps? V. May I use your directory? VI. What time is it? VII. Will you look up a name for me in the telephone book? VIII. What’s the best thing to take grease spots out of crepe de chine? IX. Why ain’t my laundry come? X. What’s at the Frivolity this week? XI. What’s in them colored bottles? XII. Does chocolate really make you fat? After some reflection, the dean was compelled to admit that the questions were thoroughly practical, but he did not use them for his next examination in pharmacy. He had to fall back upon the stereotyped stuff. ¥ There are two kinds of women—those who are nice and those who are not very.

CHOCOLATE SUNDAY

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PREHISTORIC GROUCH: You can talk all yer want, but I tell yer one thing right now; the circus ain’t what it used to be! THEY ALL SAY IT Once upon a time there was a fellow and a girl. The fellow came a-calling. He meant business. After a while the friends of the girl began to josh her about him, asking her when it was going to be, and all that. She replied. Among other things she said: **Marry that pill? I guess not.” “That snippy little thing? Not for mine.” **T wouldn’t marry him if he was the last man on earth.” **Oh, he’s well enough in his way, but he’s not my notion of a husband.” “‘I wish you people would stop your nonsense. He’s absolutely nothing to me.”’ **I guess you think I must be pretty hard up to want to marry that———”’ Sequel: And did she subsequently marry a prince? Not exactly—she married “‘that.”” They all do. THE QUALIFICATIONS WILLIS: Did your father want you to follow any special profession? GILLIS: Yes. On his death-bed he handed me a copy of “‘ Humorous Anecdotes ” published in 1814, a season-ticket to the ball-games, and the addresses of the financiers of the country— so I think he wanted me to be a Congressman.

—— , - = ~ mG >. ar rls ~ THE ANECDOTE FIEND “Gee! This reminds me of a story I heard to-day!”

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STARVATION WAGES \) Log Ser REGISTER OF A RICH YOUNG MAN As Kept by the Recording Angel NAME — Harold Archibald Raddingham Cecil Hammond. AGE— Doubtful. Probably either 22 or 47. BIRTH — Regarded as an unavoidable misfortune (vide Hammond, mere). Looked upon as the dream of a lifetime (vide Hammond, pere). BIRTHPLACE— Gold room of the Hammond palace. MOTHER— Negligible quantity. Need not be taken into consideration. MOTHER-IN-LOVE— Anne Mary, nursemaid. Low on the social scale. Not taken into consideration (vide Hammond, mere). FATHER — Rapidly became simply the Man-Behind-the-Money. CHILDHOOD — Nothing to do but sail his fifteen-dollar mechanical boat, run his fifty-dollar electric engine, play in the $10,000 nursery, walk on the Boulevard with his nurse, and watch other children play. BOYHOOD — Increasing boredom, interspersed with monotonous auto rides, polite entertainment of youthful visitors, hackneyed lessons on etiquette, the piano, dancing, and other important functions of life; relieved by * fascinating stolen conversations with the under-gardener on physiological science. YOUTH (so-called)— Augmenting importance of the proper ties, shirts, head-gear, etc., to don for stated occasions. Lessons in the sartorial science. Also a growing knowledge of the fitting cocktails and sports requisite to the life of a gentleman. MANHOOD -— Deficient. Has attained his legal majority. PRESENT OCCUPATION — Inventing new tango steps, naming the new bull- dogs, cranking the moter of his new $6,000 racer—a special form of vigorous exercise. FUTURE OCCUPATION— (See above). Testing the engine of his new $25,000 monoplane. PRESENT RESIDENCE— Opera, cabaret, musical comedy, club; home just before the last allowance gives out. HOME—A mockery. Nice little place to retire to when you’ve too many creditors, though. EDUCATION - Extensive. Rich gleanings from the servants’ conversations ; inquisitive prying into mysterious books; dancing, fencing, social observ- ances; frantic tutoring; pulled through Wingrove Academy by his mother’s social standing; motored through Princeton University ; wore a Brown sweater; used Williams’ shaving-soap; learned the Yale yell; attended a dance at Annapolis; gained a Harvard accent; witnessed a Cornell football game; chummed with a fellow from Johns Hopkins; HIS FAVORITE POEM THE STAND-PATTER: How true are Pope’s immortal words — ** Whatever is, is right!” CHILD LABOR & ries 4 tM) 1 oy * in. ot 4. ebtceceia, WS Ne . ; acquired poker, $2,500 in debts, a frat pin, a taste for front rows and shop-girls, a superior knowledge of how to bluff a prof., and a stunning wardrobe. DIPLOMA— University of Burlesque. DEGREES— M.E., Master of Egotism; Ph.D., Philandering Donkey; F.R.S., Follower of Rank Society; and D.D., Damned Disappointment. NOTES— Remedy: A sudden and timely demise. Extenuating circum- stances: $50,000,000, a steel mechanism for a father, and a wax model for a mother. ° THE BETROTHAL ** Wilt give up smoking, sir,’’ said she, “If I say ‘Yes’ to your petitioning?” “‘T will; no joking, kid,” said he— And puff! He blew a swell engagement ring! DURING THE AGONY PASSENGER: B-b-bub-eautiful s-s-scenery out this w-way, isn’t there? HOPELESS MOTORIST: So I’ve heard. Some day I’m coming out here to look at it.

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Brow “WITH THE SLAVERS” 15 The Making of a Thriller for the Moving-Picture Circuit SCENE 1. — Office of the Fritz Film Company le?" Get your gear ready, Grynder, we do a stunt to-day. GrYNDER.—Awr, gee! Did’je ever seen me when I wasn’t John-on-the-Spot? I’m always ready to pull off a stunt, you make me Baum. — Stow that chatter, Grynder! Didn’t you chase ’way out to Hackensack to do that “Lost in the Desert”? scene for us, and hold us up because you forgot to load the box? =I should GkYNDER.— But that was an accident Crarice.—Oh, Mr. Baum, what is it to-dav? Do I get the centre of the picture? The last time [ only showed up in one scene, and BaumM.—Yourre it to-day; we do “With the Slavers,”” and Moritz. — For the love of celluloid, another slave film? ‘Tl’ cops queered th’ last three slave stunts, an’ Baum.—Who’s director of this comp’ny ? Moritz.—Search me, or anybuddy else f'r that matter, I Baum.— Here’s the auto; pilein. Moritz, take the others. ¥ SCENE 2 —-Front of ancient boarding-house, East 17th Street. GryNDER.—Front of this dump? SKRIBBLER. — Here, Baum, my scenario calls for an aristocratic house; this dump—— CLarRice. — Why, th’ greenest greenie wouldn't be lured into a joint like this Baum.— I’m runnin’ this; now Moritz, lean up against that there iron fence an’ light a cigarette—no, not that way, break it in half to look like you wasn’t posin’. Morirz.—Lean up sort of nonchalantly? Baum.—Nix on that stuff! Just lean up careless like. What’je s’pose a film audience can see if you lean up in that foreign way ? Ciarice.—Where do I come in? Chalk th’ sidewalk for me SKRIBBLER..—No, — Inthe first place such a settin’ will spoil my scenario, and in th’ second Baum.— Cheese it! You’ve been paid} forthat dope. I builtitall over. You prob- ably pinched th’ idea from th’ farmer's almanac. Now, Miss MacWurtz, enter there; Moritz, smirk and lift your lid, talk a few seconds, an’ then give her your arm, point to th’ house and go in. All ready now—no, no, git back, not yet, Miss MacWurtz. GRYNDER (deginning. to turn crank ).— Righto. Now BaumM.—I.ook up an’ down th’ street, Moritz. You ain’t no clothing-store dummy; these are movin’ pitchers, an’—now, now Miss MacWurtz, walk in, walk in—here you / Git back there, please go around, we are making a picture, an’ Woman (sticking head out of window ).— You git right away! We don’t want no pitchers taken, an’ we won’t buy ’em, you're only wastin’ Baum.—Hold up, Grynder. Please git back, woman, you spoil th’ pitcher Woman (angrily).—I may not be no Venus, but I won’t be insulted, | Baum.—We hired th’ privilege of takin’ this pitcher, woman, git back Woman.—Movin’ pitchers! Well, you didn’t hire no privilege of me, an’ I pay rent—— THE CAST MR. BAUM .... . .. .. Director MR.SKRIBBLER ..... Author CLARICE MacWURTZ Leading Lady SAM MORITZ .. . ._ Leading Man WM. GRYNDER The Camera Man Actors and actresss. Supes. People in the way. Messenger-boy. BauM.— Madam, I'll have your picture in this reel as a white-slave woman if you don’t [Zhe window bangs dewn and woman disappears. | GRYNDER.—AIll righto now? CLARICE. — Sure, get busy, I’m goin’ to walk in now. Baum (as Miss MacWurtz walks into scene ).— Here, Moritz, what sort of a leadin’ man are you? You couldn’t lead a lame duck to water. Don’t act afraid of her— smnile, smile’ —— you, why don’t you sinile ? Moritz.—I was smilin’. I—— “Why, you poor simp!” SKRIBBLER.—My scenario called for a handsome girl, I protest. Ciarice (in the midst of the picture, turn- ing to author).—Why, you poor simp, for two pins I’d bust your bean. I never was so insulted in my life! I Baum.—For the love of Mike, Grynder, stop. Miss MacWurtz, ain’t you got sense enough not to spoil a film? Now do it over. Grynder, how much more you got? GrYNDER (looking at indicator ).—Hun- dred an’ five feet. BauM.—Just about make it. Now do it over, and don’t spoil it. GRYNDER.—AIll set, go. Baum.—Talk to her and smile. Ain't you ever picked up—— _ Ah, well, go it, now, Miss—wozw I said, that’s right, hang back a little, urge her, Moritz, urge her, vou simp; that’s better. Now take her in the house; hang back a little, miss—come to life, Moritz, sort of half drag her in and grin all the time. ‘That’s it! | Mforits tries door and it ts locked. He rings bell and five or six heads appear. | 3aAUM.—Stop—sfop, Grynder! Look here, Moritz, walk right in-—— Moritz.—I ain’t no Houdini Door'’s locked. Woman (from window ).—WNV hat is it? 3auM.— Didn't I pay you for the privilege of walking into your front hall? Woman.—Uh-huh. Baum.—Well, why don’t you leave th’ door unlocked ? Woman.—An’ let a lot of door-mat thieves get ine I guess not! | They finally have door unlocked, go through with it again and get in.| SKRIBBLER (as they pile back into auto ).— ] know this is going to be rotten. It isn’t at all like Ciakicr.—Pity you would n’t write some- thing to give me a show once in a while. 5 SCENE 3 —Studio Fritz Film Company. Baum. — Here’s the interior all set. Get busy, Grynder; come on Moritz, and you Mrs. Shea. Now approach, Miss MacWurtz. Have them supes in cop suits all ready to break in and take her away. Set? Go/ CLarIce (struggling in “room” )—\s this struggle enough? No, don’t do it so hard, my hat isn’t on straight now, and don’t ruffle up my hair; that’s too rough, and don’t get in front of me, I’m the centre of this picture Baum.—Do that over. Anyone’d think you was struggling to get away from a million dollars. Now, Moritz, come in! No, no, not with your hat on; help drag her through that exit— not ¢iaZz one, you bonehead, that’s only painted on, the real door is at right, there. Now for the cops. Come on, this is no afternoon tea; break that door down and smash that chair! Everybody bang around now, I MESSENGER-Boy (comes in and steps in Jront of the camera).—Mr. Bum here? CLARICE pauses in struggle and giggles. Barm.—Git out! Git out, you little dev MisseNnGER-Boy.—’Gram for Mr. Bum. Baum (snatching it and reading tt)— Well, f'r th’ love of Pete! Stop, Grynder. What’je know? The big boss wires “Cut out all slave pictures in future; courts making trouble.” Crarice.—What! An’ me right in th lime here? Oh, th’ piker! I SKRIBBLER.—But he wanted this, he Baum.—Shut up. Everybody report in three hours. Skribbler, come in my office an’ write a real thriller about, about—oh, dash it—about a prayer-book an’ a hunk of angel-cake. Ill give up!

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] ; 16 Real competition apparently is developing in the crude oil field. In Pennsylvania the price is down to two dollars a barrel, the lowest price since January, 1913, and in Ohio three succes- sive reductions occurred in ten days. The explanation is the legitimate influence of demand and supply; but strange to say the ultimate con- sumer, the man who uses gasolene and other oil products, has, as usual, not received the slightest benefit. The exact location where the benefit lodges is one of the mysteries of modern economics. v The Interstate Commerce Commission has stated that from the standpoint of economy in operation and facility of future financing of the companies the scheme of consolidating the New York Central and Hudson River Railroad Com- pany and its controlled railway, the Lake Shore and Michigan Southern, together with nine other subsidiaries, was justifiable. !t is noteworthy that during the week of this announcement, while the stock of the New York Central advanced 5% points, the refunding 314’s receded \ point and the Lake Shore collateral 3!2’s dropped a full point. * Holding companies do not appear to hold, nor convertible bonds to convert. It would seem advisable to get back to first principles. > Great Northern has won for itself a rather interesting position. It is one of the most digni- fied of all the railroad stocks and is looked upon as a tower of strength. Generally speaking it deserves this reputation, although in times of stress it also yields to the force of panic pres- sure. It is a fact that during the last eight months its net earnings have shown a decrease of approximately two millions of dollars. Holders of Great Northern, however, are not perturbed. In the first place the road is freer from the effects of competition than are most roads, and as to its financial affairs there is no likelihood of surprises. The stockholders of the Great Northern were far-sighted enough some years ago to authorize enough bonds to supply the needs of the company for many years to come. ~ Wars come to an end, commissions finally arrive at decisions, crop failures do not persist— but the labor question is ever with us. * The earnings of the U. S. Steel Corporation are always interesting. They reflect most graphically the extremely fluctuating character of that field of industry and indicate that not even so huge an enterprise can control the ele- ment of market price. Within the period of the last thirteen years the net earnings for the month of January have fluctuated from the low figure of $2,868,212 to the high level of $12,838,703; those for February from $4,540,672 to $12,- 145,815, and for March from $6,036,346 to $14,684,001. Such violent variations are indi- cative not only of the extraordinary uncertainty of the steel industry but of the handicap as to profits. In other words, if a more stable state of affairs could be established the net results as to earnings would be much more satisfactory. Confining our attention to the exhibits of the suc- cessive first quarters for the period of thirteen years it is noticeable that in 1908, 1912 and 1914 the earnings fell to the low level of eighteen millions, while in 1904 they dropped to thirteen and a half millions, but it is also a fact that in each of these instances for the same period of the following year the earnings improved to a marked degree. Thus in 1909 the earnings advanced to twenty-three millions, while in 1913 they shot up to thirty-four millions. It would seem to be safe to conclude, therefore, that the result next year will be measurably better than this year. : One of the busiest places on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange at present is the golf post. Fully one hundred and fifty brokers are in the crowd, and it is exceedingly difficult to obtain a quotation as to handicaps. - Preferred stockholders, according to recent experiences, are a class of security possessors who find it necessary to go to court whenever there occurs the presentation of a ‘‘melon.” w The May Pole, alas, has been converted into ey Ta Albert Ulmann. Drawn sy JOSEPH KEPPLER MEXICO’S DON QUIXOTE Moen ta . (7 In 1 } n Co! real nition granc pagne is acc The oni Medal France Paris E Austria Bruxell: Ple OLDEST WILL talk abc GILL! The ¢ vast sut to induc Amateu CRAV man is ¢ CRAE his frier with a ¢ Argus **But, the thin cried. SUBU hatch ot thirteen COUN son, tha for lead Popul: of melo are wide as a lig

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In the Spotlight of Honor in France n competition with foreign champagne, Great Western received the highest recog- nition. For brilliancy. bouquet, flavor, fra- grance—forallthequalitiesthatmakecham- pagne recognized as out of the ordinary Great Western Champagne | Extra Dry - - Special Reserve . Very D is accepted everywhere. (Very Dry) The only American Champagne ever Awarded a Gold Medal at Foreign Expositions. Pans Exposition, France. 1867. Paris Exposition, France. 1889. Paris Exposition. France. 1900. Vienna Exposition, Austria, 1873. Bruxetles Exposition, Belgium, 1897. Bruxelles Exposition, Belgium. 1910. Pleasant Valley Wine Co. _ Rheims, N.Y. OLDEST AND LARGEST MAKERS OF CHAMPAGNE IN AMERICA TRUE WILLIS: I tell you it’s nice to hear people talk about you for mayor. GILLIS: Yes; much nicer than to hear Sem talk about you as mayor. ¥ The old sort of wine-agent, who expended vast sums upon the firm’s beverages in order to induce others to buy, is becoming extinct. Amateur volunteers have taken his place. ¥ In the School Room Eyes are Irritated by Chaik Dust, and Eye Strain induced by Faulty Systems of Lighting. Apply Mur- ine to School Children’s Eyes to Restore Normal Conditions. THAT AWFUL TIME CRAWFORD: When do you consider that man is old and should retire ? CRABSHAW: The surest sign is when his friends have a meeting and present him with a gold-headed cane. ; A FEMALE ARGUS Argus was boasting of his hundred eyes. - “But, if you were a woman, just think of the things you could get by weeping,”’ we cried. of 7a IN THE SUBURBS SUBURBAN BOY: Pa, why did our.- hen hatch out only one chicken when we gave her thirteen eggs to set on? COUNTRY GENTLEMAN CLERK: My son, that’s a feminist hen and she’s training for leadership in the poultry Smart Set. HOPELESS **He’s always in love.” ** Cupid’s captive?” **Captive? He’s a trusty!” ¥ Popular songs are the yellow journals of melody. They have dash and color and are widely received, and they live as long as a lighted match. Grow THE SEVEN ARTS (Continued from page 9) tempted to add, if they had been on the water-wagon their life long. With prose- men my argument holds. Tolstoy and Turgenev were born wealthy; Chateaubriand and Flaubert did not have to grub for a living, and perhaps if Walter Pater had had to, he might have written shorter sentences, for, in the hurry and scurry to earn his bread he wouldn’t have found the time for his intricate polyphonic prose effects. As for musicians, interpretative artists, just consider the enormous amount of money spent by Europeans to hear Paganini and Liszt— not to mention oper- atic singers. During the past two decades Paderewski has earned nearly a million dollars at the keyboard, and the greater part of this amount in America. What Richard Wagner thought of the money question a glance at his correspond- ence will reveal. Money, money, more money! was his cry to Liszt and other generous friends. After waiting some years he got all he asked for, and more than he expected during all his lifetime, and that fact gave him satisfaction, for he believed an artist should be tangibly rewarded before his death. Manet was in affluent circumstances; Edgar Degas was always rich, and sold his pic- tures to whom he pleased and when he pleased. Neither of these men painted any the worse for their money. Claude Monet had to hustle, so did Pissarro and Sisley, whose poetic charm grows with the years, was very poor. At first Paul Cezanne was poor, but that was because his father tried to extinguish his ambition for painting by giving him a small yearly allowance. He seldom sold a canvas, but after the old man died at Aix-in-Provence, he left Paul a fortune, acquired in the banking business (he had begun life as a hair-dresser and barber). I am not at all sure that poverty always fits the crime of genius. As for merely talented men — they are all rich. Look at our fashionable portrait painters, operetta composers, “‘ best sellers’? and ——! Did you ever hear Rodin’s estimate of Bernard Shaw? After modelling the rather sleek and conventional head in marble, at present exhibited in the Har- court Street Modern Gallery (a gift to Dublin of Sir Hugh Lane), the great French sculptor was asked his opinion of his Irish sitter. His reply was rather cautious: “He is perhaps a ‘fraud,’ as you Americans put it. But the first victim of Bernard Shaw’s charlatanism is Bernard Shaw himself. Susceptible to impressions, as are all artists, he cannot do otherwise than deceive himself.’’ Thus Rodin. For me Shaw is not even sincere in his insincerity. He was first recognized in America, and, of course, has abused us, ever since. ‘“‘ Release the theatre from the thraldom of money,” he cries, and “‘ counts the house”’ (as they say on Broad- way), as carefully as a mere “‘ commercial” dramatist, or as the only Richard Strauss. And like most socialists he dearly loves a bank account. S43 » : SAME MODUS OPERANDI TEACHER: William, this must stop! You are absent at every session, we are obliged to send out after you, drag you in almost by main force, and then after you’re here you don’t know enough about the topic under discussion to pass an intelligent opinion upon it. What do you ever expect to be when you grow up? REDDY BACKROW: A Congressman. San Derby ine e Wiocr (ip Gold Lobes Beer NEW YORK **Football is a Brutal Game” More copies of’ this print have been sold than any cover of Puck ever reproduced. It is printed in full color, without advertising of any nature, on heavy plate paper, 12x14 inches Sent prepaid anywhere on receipt of 25 cents in stamps. Great for dens, frater- nities and clubs. Quow 301 Lafayette Street New York Vaseline Wy Ps Ye / Price of Quality does not include ocean freight and import duty or a foreign label. These things add noth- ing to the flavor, life or bou- quet of a champagne. Buy quality alone, am Champagne staeece cc ~~ [v exquisite of bouquet, delicate of flavor, full |i of sparkle. The dif- ference between the cost of Cook’s and imported champagnes } pays ocean freight and import dut AMERICAN WINE Co. ST. LOUIS Wan Uj Z UY Yy LL “Uy Uy Keep Your Hair Healthy Reg. U. S. Pat. Off. Hair Tonic A health-giving dressing for the scalp. : Prevents dandruff and fall- ing of the hair. Gets right down to the roots and gives just the necessary stimulation needed to keep the hair in perfect con- dition. For sale everywhere. Send 10c. for trial size bottle CHESEBROUGH MFG. COMPANY {Consolidated] 51 State Street New York USE THIS COUPON You will get more than a dollar’s worth of Entertainment and Fun ? PUCK, 301 Lafayette St., New York: Enclosed find one dollar (Canadian, $1.13, Foreign $1.26) for which send Puck, for three months; to One Year $5.00 Canadian $5.50 Foreign $6.00

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ge Pears Pears’ Soap makes white hands, gives clear skin and imparts fresh- ness to the complexion. A cake of Pears’ is a cake of comfort. Comfort by the cake or in boxes, Our APARTMENT House. The night shall be filled with music. And the cares that infest the day Shall seem very small when the singers baw! | d 5 And the pianolas play — Kansas City Journal. NoFF SaIpD. “You are charged.” said a magistrate. “with talking back to an officer. Have you anything to say?” ‘*Dayvil a word, Your Honor,” replied | the culprit. ‘* Oi’vesaid too much alreddy.” —FPittsburg Dispatch. ‘THE PARADOX OF PARLOW ‘Parlow is a most tiresome and inces- sant talker. He’s really a mystery to me.” “ How so?” “] can’t understand why, being such a | bore, he never gets through ”— /%i/a- delphia Public Ledger. FOR » MEN OF BRAINS NGARS “MADE AT KEY WEST A REMINDER. The Suffragettes who become so en- thusiastic about Molly Pitcher should remember that there was also a Martha Washington. She let George do it. — Hartford Times Wuat HE Wants *There’s a young man that is full of promise.” “That so? “Why not?” “I’m looking for one that’s given to performance.” — Detroit Free Press. Then he won’t do HopPrFUL PROSPECT. Kecent experiments proved that it is possible to talk six hundred miles by wire- less. Perhaps Mr. Bryan will remain in Washington next summer a little while, anyhow.—Cleveland Leader. MepicaL Humor. A Boston doctor is out in a warning against the general use of radium by the masses. And yet it is said doctors have no sense of humor.— Baltimore Star. . TEN o’CLOCK, eleven o’clock. t welve o'clock, and then what comes, Bobbie?” “Daddy, without his boots.”— Zuzler. BLAIR'S PILLS E.GENTLE.EFFECTIVE..FOR RELIEF OF RHEUMATISM Pro PUCK’S GOLF IDIOT (Continued from page 12) “*He is speaking of the approach shot with the mashie; yet, although Vardon says this, he has never yet specifically shown or described any one stroke wherein the left hand ‘is called upon to do most of the work.’ “Therefore we may safely assume that he doesn’t know one—and there isn’t one. “‘Taylor says: ‘My contention is simply this: that the grasp of the right hand upon the club must be sufficiently firm in itself to hold it steady and true, but it must not be allowed on any account to overpower the left. The idea is, that the latter arm must exercise a predominant influence in every stroke that may be played. As regards my own position in the WHY DON'T LEFT-HANDERS PLAY WITH RIGHT-HANDED CLUBS AND RETAIN THEIR ENORMOUS ADVANTAGE? matter, my grip with either hand is very firm, yet I should hesitate before I told every golfer to go and do likewise.’ **Well, I am, professionally, only an idiot, but if those methods had won me five open championships in England— Britain and Ireland in this time of course—I shouldn’t hesitate to tell my pupils and readers to go and do likewise, especially as both Vardon and Braid do the same. “‘As they also have five open championships each, they are not so awfully bad to follow, what! “Taylor says that the left hand ‘must have the predominating influence over the stroke.’ “The truth about the left and right, and the relative power thereof, is that the right is immeasurably the more important of the two, but that it is absolutely inexpedient for the golfer even to think of trying to apportion the relative amount of power exerted by either hand and arm. “To do so is absolutely fatal to good golf. “One must just hit naturally as one would with a baseball bat, a cricket bat, a hockey stick, or any other two-handed implement, and leave Mother Nature to attend to the apportioning business. “If there were anything in this silly theory how is it that left-handers are so foolish as to give up their natural advantage and play with left- handed clubs? **Why don’t they use right-handed clubs, and retain the enormous advantage of having their most important hands in the most important position ? “*Pretty cute, eh?—but doesn’t it sound idiotic all the same? **Why do these stupid persons reduce themselves to the level of right- handed players by getting left-handed clubs and turning ’round about? “It is an amazing thing that many who believe in the power of the left advocate the straight left arm in the swing-back. In other words, they say the left elbow must never be bent. “Forget it. *“*The pace of the drive comes from the unflexing of the elbow joints and the turn of the forearms. “Pace never came out of the shoulder. **It would have to do so to justify the straight arm theory. ‘**Forgive me, brother bugs, if I seem to be somewhat more serious than usual this week. My excuse is that the subject really is of the greatest importance to you, and that I have lately had another keeper put on to watch me. **If he cannot find you some fun I shall try to make him come into the weekly risk with me. **That’ll stir him up.” ‘Prepare for Your Outing and summer vacation by getting your body in good trim for long jaunts, fish- ing, hunting, tramping or climbing. Evans Ale will be of great assistance and benefit. It will give you the health and strength that will enable you to accomplish more and enjoy more. Try it at home NOW, Leading Dealers or ©. H. EVANS & SONS, Hudson, N. Y. Hap EXPERIENCE. I.ASHER: We're going to have some amateur theatricals at my house next week and a big supper afterward. Can you be there? DASHER: Oh, I'll be there, old man, but —er—I may be late.— Zhe Bystander. WouLpn’r Do. ‘‘Now let us put our heads together and see if we can’t arrange matters ” ‘‘Put our heads together? ‘hat would hardly do, Maud. Your green wig wouldn’t harmonize with my purple hair.” —Kansas City Journal NOTHING DOING. **Can I interest vou in an attachment | for your typewriter ?” asked the agent, as he entered the office. “No chance,” replied Mr. Grouch. “]’m still paying alimony on the strength of the attachment I had for my last type- writer.” — Cincinnati Enquirer. FOND DELUSIONS THE THIN ONE: I’m putting on weight every day. Don’t I look fat? THE FAT ONE: And I’m losing weight right along. Don’t I look thin? COMPARISONS. Bix: Getting into debt is as easy as | falling out of an airship Dix: Yes, and getting out of debt is | about as easy as falling into it again.— Philadelphia Public Ledger. BLack: Gavboy says he is going to take a wife. Wuitt: Whose ?— Ginger HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS PAPER WAREHOUSE 82, 84 and 36 Bleecker Street ss » . New Yo Reancn WAaRKHOUSE: 20 Beekman Street § as All kinds of Paper made to order

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By HY MAYER «WHO’S WHO IN BARBARIA?”