Puck 1900-10-31: Vol 48 Iss 1234

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65197 VOL. XLVIII. No. 1234. PUCK BUILDING, New York, October 31st, 1goo. PRICE TEN CENTS. 4 Congress | Copyright, 1900, by Keppler & Schwarzmann <8 REcewen CT 24 1900 Copyright entry y f F ¥ - | y ae | Tiree , 2» Copy Delivered to ERIODICAL DIVISION ANY Entered at N. Y. P. O. as Second-ciass Mall Matter.

es

IT WON’T TAKE.

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PUCKOGRAPHS. —LXXVI. BELIEVES IN THI typhoon which was encour pects sup riative,

cent. cent, y= ee — = ts a

eV ae oo ed THE OINTMENT. cote even while we drain the cup of pleasure, that these blissful moments are so few PE CEI as Sais a THE AVERAGE MAGA- ZINE ARTICLE. ‘ is far from possible to present more than a passing glimpse at the funda- mental facts anent the great mineral and vegetable wealth of the Katsu magazine article of this kind. A few of the virtues of the archipelago Islands in a more salient will, however, be timely. The latitude 64° W. whic h Katsu Islands lie in 96° N The rain precipita- 9 longitude tion, occurs during what we class as the Summet months, attains astounding proportions. lc would re- quire a volume several times the periph ries of this maga- zine for us to enter into. this

phase of our subject to the length it deserves; but, 1 being impossible in such limited space to devote more discussion to it, we will pass on to the historical and commercial value of these tropical lands. WUT ER

In the year 1800 Katsu was 900, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANWS notonthe map. In 18go0 an English company — secured, after some lively and event- BRYANISM ful the natives, a mixed cargo of bartering with » ship with her entire crew foundered ina tered several days after putting to sea, to this dav not a word has come of the But to go into the pros- * disaster. 5 which are now opening up for profitable trade with the tsland group demands a more exhaustive treatise than presentspace permits. climatic Turning now to the and sanitary conditions encoun- tered we will, at the risk of being statistics. Ig per In 1899 it rose to QI per quote a few » death rate in 1800 was Ihe size of our article for- bids a more extensive elaboration of these figures. From the foregoing facts the reader will be able to deduce (with a considerable amount of imagination) opinion as to the intrinsic Katsu and the many grand opportunities offered a comprehensive worth of the Islands to young men by them. CHOPPING HIM OFF. POLITICAL SPEAKER. No doubt, you have all heard the old storv about THE AUDIENCI heard it! (in one vot é )-— Yes; we’ve

SOMEWHAT LARGE.

First FLy. That’s what they call the fly wheel. SECOND FLyY.—Strikes me they should

have named it after the elephant.

BLOOD. Sar The Spaniard could not help but observe that ( we were shedding quite a bit of blood in this A

work of assimilating the Filipinos. —— ‘¢ The stuck pigs!” he sneered, his habitual . hauteur not unmingled with malignant glee. J Of course, we did not admit having been stuck, the < $20,000,000 notwithstanding. i 4 COMMON RESULT ‘* When I passed,” said the man who was talking about the incipient riot, ‘there was a great deal of suppressed excitement.”’ | ‘¢ Yes?” said his friend. There frequently is after the police have used their clubs.” 4 RUMOR. - ‘ks 2 ° Aguinal 1o, Of Course, will be A Ava get early news of the result election. li i ‘*Oh, yes! He has made arrange- ‘ ments to receive ; { the returns in his r | | , private swamp.” - 7 ’ ‘ ‘ ' U ¢ f 4+

- 7.100, cPman & vonwnarnm HE KNEW. SuE Bretre.— I had an offer to go on the road but I would n't accept. FATTINGTON HAM I don't blame y« It 1 bad place to be out of a job

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INFORMATION. THE NEW INHABITANT.— Ye DECOY DUCK. ‘¢ What is a political issue, Pa l, Sammy, a political issue is the point FRIEND.— You don’t believe in the rule ‘* Never prophesy unless you politician gets the voter to fix his ey ‘ Never prophesy unless on while the strategic politician puts in good work you ’re paid for it.” CONTEMPTIBLE WEAKNESS, In some other dll 4 SEX DIFFERENCE. Mrs. COBWIGGER. When men turn around the street to look after a voman it shows that sh nas a pretty fac COBWIGGER. That o, my dear! And wher vomen turn to look her it shows that she has pretty aress BRICKS. 7 You al t br ( k ! . shouted, and drank to The man smiled sardo without discernment ‘The road to perditior he muttered, as to hin NO] 4 LABORING -( JUDGE.— You ‘re prof vour PRISONER-AT-THE-BAI uin’t makin’ no. busir I’m a decaved gint t up as a fad BEFORI rH Mrs. ISAACS \ , oudt ? Mr. ISAACS \ assets undt | Al MOS’

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The case in the court; ‘tis of other import —

BRADLEY BraNnes.— Ha! Ha! Aschemel have to do me hated rival. Her father is full of the campaign. I will read up on the issues of the day and win his admiration. LAW. HE FLAWS in the laws ot the land are the cause Of lawyers’ existence ; And they who may stray from stern probity’s way Must seek their assistance For lawvers will show —and prove that it's so— That no law was made for That 's what fees are paid for And then when we see defendant go free Released, proudly gallant, Held guiltiess by law, we say with much awe "T was lawyers’ great talent! The flaws in the laws of the land make us pause For Society's state ; If law had ro flaw and its drag-net could draw All guilt to just fate! Wood Levette Wilson THE BUSY PUBLIC. ** Another open letter from the Hon. Mr. Whoopemup!” exclaimed the Public, looking over its mail. ‘* Why don’t he cut ’em down Pat! and send postal cards?” DUST. ‘«*f am a vile worm oi the dust!”’ groaned the penitent The Church was in a very magnanimous mood to-day. ‘You Il beal) right if you give up the dust!” quoth the Church, benignly. SETTLED AT LAST. May. —Do you think one should marry for love or for money ? CHAPERON. — My dear, iove is an CX- cuse for marriage, but money is a justifica- tion. |v Is a waste of time to brood over your wrongs unless you can hatch a remedy,

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PUCK. POLITICS VS LOVE.—A ROMANCE OF TO-DAY. |

(the next evening, aside/.— ‘* Now for thecharge! I'll MR. SWEETMAN.— Yes ; I understand what you say make me rival look like thirty cents. (a/oud’/.— Yes, Mr but you base your entire argument on an absolute false Sweetman, the political contest now waging is one of the theory. Now when we took those islands, etc., etc., etc most momentous in our history. Now take this doctrine BRADLEY BRANES (aside) Me rival sits there like ef Imperialism,” etc., etc., etc aclam ;

THE KENTUCKY DRUG STORE. First DRUMMER. I saw a funny sign in a Louis- ville saloon, lately. SECOND DRUMMER. What was it— ‘‘No Shooting Allowed?” FIRST DRUMMER.--No; — « Phy

sicians’ Prescriptions Carefully Compounded.” EVIDENT. FIRST SPECTATOR. — It ’ silly to get so ext ited. hye SECOND SPECTATOR. MR. SWEETMAN.-— But it 's of no use sitting here arguing. Come up to my study where I can show — Silly o its plain that you all the facts and fiyryures and I can prove what I say. you ’re no golf player ! al | Bet ie TURES , P -

MAY.— Belle is very giddy for her age. CLARA. —I should = % say so! If she lives to be old as long as she ‘ fs r= “— ] ] George, it is sudden, but I knew all along Each of Us, said the _moraust, could do that you loved me. }ou would n’t talk politics something to make the world better.” to Popper in preference to saying sweet things 4 ” : } } ] to me, would you, dear? s¢ Yes, said his friend, with a Sigh; ** only our personal affairs do seem to kee p us hustling!” POINTING THI WAY OUT. ‘‘What do you think Miss Popkins did when I staid late last night?” ‘¢What?” ‘*She got up and hungan ‘Exit’ placard on the pal lor-door.” NO NEED OF BAIT, CRABSHAW.—] don’t $€.€ where woman acquired her extravagance in dress. Eve was n’t that way. Mrs. CRABSHAW. —Of course not.

There was only one man in the world thenandshe had him. SOMETIMES EX- CUSABLE. FIRST BOARDER.

COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY KEPLER & SCHWARZMANN GROUNDS FOR THE OPINION. A man should n't quarrel with his bread Miss WUFFINGHAM.— She t'inks ' 'm too mussnary. and butter. Mr. MoKEBY.— How ‘s dat ? SECOND BOARDER, { Miss WUFFINGHAM.— Well, I done advised her not to marry a man what ain't got a Not unless he i } ' an’ no prospec’ ob a jol boards

_@is@a*

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them! Catch him! Catch Hurrah! Hurrah ! What ’s the matter? Slugging, you say? Well, 1 don’t care; those big brutes Oug At to be slugged. And _ that horrid old referee is so mean!” STILL LATER.—** There! That ’s the third of those detestable prize-fighters laid out. It serves them right Phev ’re regs far beasts! Our boys ought to pound them whenever they cet a chance See Reddy Run! Run! 1 snow they piled on him on purpose.” THE END.—*‘“Oh! was n't fine, though! Go again? Of course! Will vou, really? And when is it?” Edwin 1. Sabin

CROW. Phe Red Rooster hiled the place y ¥ with his dehant clamor. ww ‘1 ’ll make you swallow your words! a * hissed the Speckled Rooster, losing hi » temper completely. { e ‘What! Me eat crow?” hissed the a Red Rooster ‘* Not on your tin | "a 7) > type. a ve. 00 9 the situ age ition yet more strained, the a beautiful Pullet with the me Rose Comb giggled at this a ~ /~ ~ vidimaneiilaidinias cl ae ai a WISE. * SHOWING HIM THE PICTURES. SuBBURS.— What you got Ya, ; that man’s ear — it’s positively t bleeding! Do you think we ’ll iM beat? I hofeso!” r SECOND HALF (KICKOFF). ‘Run, Reddy, run! Seehim! See him! Isn’t that fine? How much does it count? Reddy’s just a duck! I coul uw hug him!.” SOMEWHAT LATER. — ‘‘Is it their ball ? What a shame! That Aorrid referee! ‘There! I ‘ve let out more string I hate him! Hold them, boys; hold “Tt APPROVED. it's right A kite is like a man — you don't wat tl n t ‘ ull the time

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his name back to hustled for paid back what it a job. in the shade and “Oh, no; you ’re small. let me pop corn when I| was your size.” ‘««Wouldn’t he, Grandpa? Did de want to have all the fun himself, too?” . a + 4 {ea awe a} = i Se 48 ee PROBABL-Y. 3m. ‘* Who was it charity begins at hom: Sald that oF: “ ‘I suppose it was someone who did n’t want “or to contribute.” ~% [ZR 4S) av NO Chings EARLY might Nt Hiram C., And cost me to keep him eatin’ He is all right now; for a considerable spell ! AN INQUIRY. ‘*Could n’t I do that, Grandpa?” too My grandpa would n’t have said the convicted burglar, and went out and since gettin’ it he has regularly while he was waitin’ to find out where he was at; and if he has still got an idea that the world owes him a livin’ he has got over expectin’ it to back up to where he may be lazin’ around h’ist itself for him to but I ‘ll snum if he looked it milk it. ADVANTAGES. with me,” different ‘if I had been a good edadl- cation an’ good Sunday-school training.” ‘¢ Poor man!” said the visitor, sympathetically. «Yes; —I might have been a trusted cashier an’ og age. skipped out with the funds, an’ I might be livin’ M7 a, , — 2 ° 3 — ; = V4 = like a fightin’-cock somewhere out of the countrv. ee - a Say" — i ‘ Se a AS TO THE CADDY. HIS METHOD. 5 ‘Aha!’? exclaimed the editor of the Datly Sheutes SHE.— Oh, no! | don't think he was laughing at vou . pr ey ‘¢at last | have discovered the secret of journalistic success CHOLLY.— But — But what else is there to laugh at oncherknow 7 3 . . s Publish so many reports that it will be physically im possible to contradict more than half of them, and_ then point triumphantly to the uncontradicted other half.” . THEY HAVE .TO COME TO IT. And then he set to work vigorously on Extra Number ‘Twenty-six. = . T’S JUST like this,” said shrewd old Uncle Ezra Jingleberry : A CHEAP PRESCRIPTION. ‘«‘For a good long spell after he slopped over out of college my nephew, H. Claud Petty, wore his hair in wild Mrs. CRABSHAW.— You seem pleased that my doctor recommended and lavish luxuriance on his head, tolerated his humble a five-mile walk and moss-grown relatives as sort of necessarv evils. CRABSHAW.— Yes, my dear; I was afraid he would recommend an spouted more or less Latin and Greek and whole tomes automobile. of ancient history, A FIB. ‘ gave us Oh, no! He does not write : ponderous — for gold, and unsolicited information Sy Nor vet for any clory; on all things, facts, theories and in the heavens above, and conditions on earth, under the earth, and condescendin’ly in the waters considered the advisability of ultimately acceptin’ some congenial and genteel po- sition. ‘But took a tumble he considerable of the good old Jingleberry blood in him, though might not have suspected it till lately, to look at him; and I may say, in confidence, that mebby I had a little somethin’ to do- with pushin’ him off from his perch —anyhow, when he finally took a tumble to himself, and also my ad- when he finally Ye s got you vice, he cut his hair and COPTRENT, 1000, BY SEPLER'S Som his association with the de- NEARSIGHTED. funct languages, changed He TOUCAN.— Dear me! Now I wonder where I could have put my eveglasses ? is for the fun of t— He claims ’t But that’s another storv. THE GREATEST objec- tion to many of our best friends is their friends. SOME FOLKS have a mistaken idea that a philanthropist must neces- sarily be wealthy EVEN WHEN we bow most politely to the inevitable it is apt to treat us with scant courtesy. [MAGINATION, as Na- poleon said, rules the world; though its reign is always threatened by coa- litions of hard facts which occasionally force it to ab- dicate.

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PUCK. Payable in advance. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN, Wednesday, October 31, 1900 No

are protected by copyright in both the United St Great [Britain Infringement of this copyright promptly and vigorously prosecute CARTOONS AND COMMENTS. 1234 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS rhe contents of THIS | EADINGS toward lunacy are powerful in the last two if CRAZY riIME. all sition have been viewed with alarm until the eves ache. the telling points told, and the foul designs of the is really not much else to do but go crazy, and plenty of us do would be well if we could all go into cloisters and think about not} that our whirling wheels could regain the rhythm of sanity. Then might be fresh and rested and clear-headed on election morning, the office of that day in a becoming manner. There 1 PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY. 2.50 for six months $1.25 for three months The subscription price of Puck is $5.00 per year Publishers and Proprietors. Puck’s Illustrations can be found only in PUCK’S Publications Ww eeks facampaign. All the arguments have been worked out, oppo- t. ing al nd It we do Mr. Schurz, we think, is a man that would be helped by this retire- 1e1 ment It might restore him to sanity on the subject of the German-A can. It is Mr. Schurz’s present hallucination that all German-Amerik were born headless; and that, bv divine fiat, they use the Schurz brai acommunity affair, thinking with it and controlling their actions by To change the minds of all German-Americans it is Mr. Schurz’s that he needs but change his own mind. lo mass all German American votes at one point, he has only to give the word His mind at present should be a feast for the alienists. A man who b lieves that Americans of German birth or descent will vote against the present administration because the Kaiser is displeased at the policy of that administration in China, has been let to run at large too long. A timely seclusion might restore him to the sound vie that a German-American is quite as apt to do his own thinking and his own voting as any other kind of American. . . A new kind of temporary idiocy has appeared on the other side It believes, or, perhaps it merely seeks to generate the belief, that Mr. Bryan’s election would be fatal to the

known as the United States of America. In support of this it collects and publishes data of the most pessimistic character. Contracts for building railroads and factories are to be void in the event of Brvan’s election. Capitalists, merchants, manufacturers anda professi mn men are putt ng themseives in readiness to leave the country in apprehension of this calamity One scared soul discloses that he had meant to make an extensive exhibit at the Buffalo Exposition, but that fears of Brvanism have « sed him to abandon the plan. He thinks there will be no Expositio Buffalo; he thinks there will be no U. S. left, —if Bryan is elect He is not fiction of this sort relates that in a prosperous manufacturing towt going o take any < ces A particularly winsé in Ohio some unscrupulous person declared that Brvan would surelv be elected. Che resulting panic was such that a run on al the banks ensued Everybody drew out his savings and packed up his belongings, ready to flee ata moment’s notice. Now, surely, it would n’t be so bad as that It will be surmised that one of the persons for whom we most urgently counsel a temporary retirement is Mr. Bryan himself. Having pointed wrong he naturally gets farther from the right track as the campaign proceeds, He scents his coming defeat, of course. He knows the signs, and he perceives them to be more numerous and more emphatic than they were four years ago. And so he is trving to discount his failure Not by the admission that his doctrines have been passed upon and rejected by a free people. That would be honest and sensible and manly, but it would n’t be Bryan. No; this American people wants Bryan with all its heart, knowing him to be its only salvation, the only man under heaven that can save it from moral, phvsical and industrial decay. But it is going to reject him because of Republican bribe-money ‘*If the election were h Id to-day, ther is no doubt that we would have a majority” says Mr. Bryan. But the wicked Republicans

ire going to buy all th votes. Going to bribes Ameri peop it two dollars a head to continue t fd t ta pretty picture of the **p n peop that! raw er B D iaps he does n’t mean it; perh ps he ist tr to t niu t a

ciuding th t 1 \ " I t I I t De redressed by fo moment violent is had H now ) t 1s i vest I ! i ne I i ih ess n this cour t t | S the necess f t \ il to c abo ( to rryv \ ‘ ire oO | l ( free citizenship take I ! to devastate and t oO I I | I ! labor men, if the é | ‘ yuick cond st ind \ re burden. Would that we migh ep { ek fore election ! , a Fi = ||, La \ Cl ie rh

TRAMP No; de Boxe I'ma Chi vy. Mum!

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Aa he SL _ Re; COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. J.OTTMANN LITH.CO. PUCK BLDG. N.Y THE REAL GERMAN-AMERICAN. He DogEs His OWN THINKING, AND WILL Do His Own VoTING - = . . > 7 —— wat a we . = F: —z > : a A a EE EE PS OP PET SAF ga er ee ; — 22:2: ee eee age ae ten ee ee — ac i aca ET

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PUCK. MG isiitiscarme seit

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! ? f | { a Ne pees ~ tail llth it PUCK. JANICE NARYPITH. To Li HUNG CHANG: NTO THE warp and twist of every book an author weaves many asso- ciations which even the subtlest readers do not discern, far less, care a continental for. To them it is but a cress and pile balderdash cut in slabs to imitate chapters, and punctuated with shots and sabre-slashes and alarms without to simulate the elang and g’lang of a regular novel. But to the writer everv filament (or hunk) has its associ- each piece of fustian, cottonnade and silkine was laboriously woven in the brain; how each piece of history was scissored from Zhe History of the Rei Young and woven into the complete work by the shuttle of the paste- ation: how olution for the brush. And so (or, rather, on the other hand), as I have read the proofs the pages have faded out, and in their stead I have seen the ramp and terrace and other expensive features of Biltstillmore House. 1! have seen the French Broad Yang Tse Kyang sweeping up to your gate, and the Himalayas in your back yard, just as I saw them when I was there writing and pasting on this book. With this costly vision has come a recurrence to our long talks, to e books, forts of them, to our games of tiddledywinks, our cups of orange-water. our work among the making houses and rhis is my subtle memory of our delicate intimacy. Excuse me for printing it in the front of my book All rights reserved, in case you and China collapse, to inscribe this work to the next richest man. CHAPTER I, Her father, the Charles was his Janice Narypith was a beauteous girl. 1 doubt it. Probably of noble birth. I doubt that, too. and lasts through the book. He falls in love with Janice the first chapter and has to hope and fear all the way through. Heros will learn after book. peasant named Onion and his hobbiedyhoy son, squire, owned 30,000 A. of land. about 8o. bend-servant, but Charles is the hero, 1 while not to fall in love till the last of the Dramatis personae, a homely pastor, a a coarse lawyer supposed to be cunning but who could not win a bathing-suit. Also Washington, to trammel them and can come in whenever needed. stirring sauce in the kitchen. Howe, Clinton and others, who have no special affairs ‘I love you,” said Charles, ‘*Do you?” said Janice, much pleased. ‘* Leave the kitchen,” said Mrs. Narvypith. ‘«She would n’t wed a servant!” roared the squire. The squire can not speak: he always roars. ** Indeed I would n’t!’ ‘¢She must wed the savs Mrs. Narypith. ‘She shall not!’ squire, savs Janice. pastor,” roars the must not wed Onion,” says Mrs. N. ‘She shall!” roars the ‘¢ Buss her, my lad.” ‘+ She young squire. Thinking no ill, climbs out the window and Janice starts eloping with Col. Teavatt. (He is another man.) This keeps Charlies up all hours of the night to intercept her back The troops (misprint and bring for supes) now begin to march across the back of the stage with Washington at their head. Is that so? Washington? can you tell which he is? Youcan’t. Keep still. The tr oops sasionally take H ow all the squire’s property. - Give me Janice and I will save the property,” the repeats this savs lawyer. He good offer every other chapter. He never thinks of it be tween times. Young Onion dons a British uniform and a new and saves the property. roars the set of manners, ‘You shall wed Young Onion!” squire. ‘No, no,” ** You shall, says Janice. vou wicked girl,”” says Mrs. N. Visttor.— Ah! What MOTHER.— Dear me! I} ad n't noticed The door is thrown open and four armed s ipes arrest squire. asks iit e man’s curiositv. ‘* For with a we treason,” replies the supe. CHAPTER NEX1 Washington, Charles being on his staff, turns the squire Then Wash- that spared loose. ington, finding he can be awhile, starts out to fight a battle, he explains his plan to but first Janice, so that she won miss any Teavatt money points. Cx loans the sqt ‘You shall wed the ‘What for?” )- t |. ire Te: i- vatt!” roars the squire. * Yes, Dada,” Onion rushes in the squire a turn. ‘You shall wed Young Onion!” roars the squire. ‘Yes, Dada,” says Janice. As the love affairs of his into Winter quarters. The door arrested and condemned ington Everything now squire roars, Janice contributes a French Washington, keep up Six lovers have been foresees the end. Back at the Old Home. takes position 4 ° i THE SIGNIFICANCE. a picture of innocence that child Gertrude, wh: says she. ren and does to death. and the squire goes free. takes up promises, iark Yorktown to the a clatter to represent the on ‘ey Wray STRAINED RELATIONS. THE ROOSTER.—I wish you 'd introduce me to that aristocratic cousin of yours THE Duck.—Oh! she and I are not on good terms any more. She's got her canvas back up about something. aide do not culminate Washington goes is thrown open and the squire is again Charles forges a letter from Wash- a double time. The lovers assail, the is besieged, a French general horrors, the six supes, includi: army. The surrender. killed, or have lost their money, and Washington ais Gy, at | “CHAPTER The lawyer makes his offer, — ls 7), The surviving lovers appear. AST Washington Charles canters on his horse, Old Onion the farm,— Young Onion hangs onto lines to steals into the soften him. The Stage is lit with red _ fire Shots, cries, Old Onion killed, lawver taken as Spy. Young Onion is taken, too. Alas! what will be his fate? Washington Janice at breakfast at the Old Home, ing with old-time and repast courtesy from. the empty dishes. rhe door, et and Charles marches In. ‘Sir, I report Young Onion a pris oner of War He might have re- ported him as a Spy, of char- There is no one left now but Janice hastens to take him be- but nobility icter prevailed. Charles, and \\ yf ah Ms fore he is sent to the A guard-house for forging the letter and making a false report. EN! IGHTENMENT, un- fortunately, is not exactly the same thing as progress. I oO! In- stance, we may know just ma Scmwanru ; what sort of government we ought to have without been doing? taking any steps to getit,

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V te senwanr REBUKED. SON (gleefully).—O Fader! der drug st lame Ve vill be purnt out, sure! FATHER.— Mine son, don't unt your hatched TO MY 5 oan OF MY EYES, you ‘re a godde ove of my Life Ir if we Just to be near you is blessed proxit I ugh it disturbs my avowed « ( 1 \ \ ( ning nel linged wi 1 Ww Whi uen V © you And the felic Of y Y eine € Dowered by N \ nn \ W o 1} p p eyes glows the glance of a leopardes ur spirit is certainly jeopardo would dare it, O Oueen of my Hear Fatal vicinity Of your d When a man 's in it he vinity ; Can not depart Look not so terrifie Say, would you care if | Make my words verifie Queen of mv Heart ? if the times were Colonia lived as in old days Baron next snicken HIS WASTED EFFORT Tomes evesight and onsiderable p of his Hair had dropped « Ultimate Result that he was ab inquire¢ I my aint r-time secn \ door vas all in pefore dey vas limuty Mrs. BIGBUG.— Did t port p our adventure with tl burglar at three o'clock this mort % rect 2 Mr. BIGBUG (with ¢h paper \ He states that «botl Mr. and M Bigbug w f 1 ! lite ebt mt i Wy, A if y-

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i % ] a lj “ta h it nu 7 - om THE “SOHMER” HEADS THE LIST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. SOHMER PIANOS Sohmer Building, ©"!y Sa!esroom in Greater New Sth Ave., cor. 2d St. York , SEAMANS & BENEDICT, 327 B’way, New York E FOR 3 AGARS | “MADE AT KEY WEST— These Cigars are manufactured under the most favorable climatic conditions and from the mildest blends of Havana to- bacco. If we had to pay the imported cigar tax our brands would cost double the money. Send for booklet and particulars. CORTEZ CIGAR CO., KEY WEST. Pears’ To keep the skin clean is to wash the excretions from it off; the skin takes care of itself inside, if not blocked outside. To wash it often and clean, without doing any sort of violence to it, re- quires a most gentle soap, a soap with no free al- kali in it. Pears’, the soap that clears but not excoriates. All sorts of stores seil it, especially druggists; all sorts of people u use it. and Liquor Habit cured inlo to 20 days. No pay till cured. Write DR. J. L. STEPHENS CO.. Dept. I. 1. Lebanon, Ohio. we ciehen me.” SOE UMATION Ursthe Great English Remedy , BLAIR’S PILLS Safe, Sure, Effective. 50c. & $1 DRUGGISTS, or 224 William St, N. Y. Pe Established 1823. | WILSON WHISKEY. | That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore Md WHat Dip SHE WANT? MRS. YOUNGWIFE.—I want to get some salad. DEALER.—- Yes, Ma’am. How many heads? Mrs. YOUNGWIFE. O Goodness! I thought you took the heads off. I just | want plain chicken salad.— Catholic Standard and Times. THE man who failed to get an education is not to be pitied; because he gets }a great deal of satisfaction out of the thought that he gets along just as well | those who have an education.—/Washington Democrat. & scrw FROUBLE IN THE AIR. First YOUNG Faun.— Gee! We'd better skip along. The old man has promised us all a first-class walloping | SECOND YOUNG Faun. — Ard he’s a prophetic divinity at that! } Mountains of work dwindle to mole hills when the Buy it and try it if you wz ant a delicious wine wit! | body is stimulared by Abbott's, the Original Angostura a beautiful bouquet Cook's Imperial Extra 1 ry Bitters—the great mvigorator. Druggists and grocers ( anpeg ne CALIFORNIA. Affords every variety of scenery and climate; abounds in mountains, lakes, rivers and forests. Every American should know something about it. The way to reach it— go by the NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES. Copy of the Illustrated Catalogue of the ‘‘ Four-Track Series,”’ New York Central’s books of travel and education, will be sent free, post-paid, to any address on receipt of a postage stamp, by George H. Daniels, General Passenger Agent, Grand Central Station, New York. TRADE MARK Hunter Baltimore Rye This trade-mark title represents The American Gentleman’s Whiskey The Purest type of excellence. 10 Years Old, Rich and Mellow. Sold at all First-Class Cafés and by Jobbers w M. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. for information leading to the conviction of any dealer having refilled empty bottles of ED. PLINAUD'S world- renowned Eau de Quinine Hair Tonic, or adulterating and tampering in any shape or form with the original contents of the same This offer is bona fide, and is made in order to protect the consumer of ED. PINAUD'S Toilet Preparations. An immense fraud has been of late practiced, espe- cially by a large number of unscrupulous barbers, who have made it a practice to use on their customers spurious and often injurious preparati« INI oe the same off as PINAUD’S EAU DE QUININE. he Parfumerie ED. PINAUD have decided to pro- tect their rights, and we have been instructed to pros- ecute to the utmost severity of the law all those who will either imitate their packages or refill their bottles Any communication relative to the detection of such frauds will be treated in strict confidence. PUTNEY, TWOMBLY & PUTNEY, ATTORNEYS, 115 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. YPSILANTI HEALTH UNDERWEA IF HAY NOT & SEND TODD FOR \ MFG. CO BOOKLET YPSILANTI MICH | | Whether you ‘re big, or whether you ‘re small, | Whether you ‘re short, or whether you 're tall, | Whether you ‘re fat, or whether you ‘re lean, | Whether excitable, or serene, Whether a woman, or whether a man, You ‘ll find taking R.I.P.A.N.S a very good plan. ‘LIFELIKE ARTIFICIAL EYES. Our KOKF™ eyes, made specially to } match the natural, defy detection. Write for | prices and full particulars. W. T. GEORGEN, Dept. P., 32 Eag: 23d Street, New York City. — w den ind am * CBBC oo ee i eee ee. oe ine anc phy V dor

Page 13

x Soy A REFLECTION. \ 7G y) ‘

CAUTION—Don’t accept a substitute for Williams’ Shaving Soap on which the dealer . akes a little more t You will not only get an infer ‘ t probably ‘ HE KNEW HUMAN NATURI ome dager et ie oe sone it with Williams’ Sos ” STRANGER. — Here is a little poem which I submitted to a number of my nearest Williams’ Soaf 1 everywhere, but sent by mail if your dealer does not supply you and dearest friends, and they all said it was worth printing. WILLIAMS’ SHAVING STICK, 25c. LUXURY SHAVING TABLET, 25c. EDITOR (who has frie nds himself),— 1am delighted to get it, sir. A thing which GENUINE YANKEE SHAVING SOAP, 10c. SWISS VIOLET SHAVING CREAM, 50c. a man’s bosom friends fail to criticise must be about perfect. — New York Weekly, WILLIAMS’ SHAVING SOAP (Barbers’) 6 round cakes, 1 ec. Exquisite also for toilet oO 0 DRESDEN ns THE J. B. WILLIAMS CO., Glastonbury, Conn. 9 Svnwev FEAF COIS FH EEK EE KKH FERARAERRELRIA SLR AAERSARA FMI PSAARAARAERHRARH RK ERR KATRIN M iM Q . Q : What p E: ; — ee Are l 0C al S! \ Jes?Ter’s APOLOGY : = uy ¢ c p : “A MODERN ECSTASY” is a: l 5s 5 'S1 niss Shakespearian definition for a “ Cocktail.”’ ¢ Sh - AAT e! “Kings it makes gods, and meaner creat- ¢ sana ; : ures kings.” M prov orse [toc ne Wherever good livers are found, ; Det) } ) wherever conviviality exists, even to the most remote corners of the earth, A PERSONAL sent in says that « iid died the “CLUB COCKTAIL” reigns seriously tl Spring of goil to Europe Wi have t iraw the line on supreme as a fashionable drink. SE iranian that gunnls thaneht of on magyar te . aaa . The “ CLUB COCKTAILS ” ros gar incl ha ! " 1oUu¢ la S) ¢ : never vary; they are always the same. Atchison Globe. egy he ag — or nly bre THESE are the day \ n the reful other bo t a Kin vater and p they are kept six months before being . : ie da copy Bp rinkin ond . drawn off and bottled. roasts the water company, just on general principles Fuadinun \ “ Cocktails” that are served over (ee eS ERERERESESSS SESE CEES E ESS SSEOESOS © @ S

* the bar do not contain these indis- AN American architect bout to i pensable qualities. erect a brewery in ] pat t ¢ a Seven Varieties: Manhattan, Mar- lways strongly suspected tl * tini, Vermouth, Holland Gin, York, Leg bit “— : Tom Gin, Whisky. —_- = — — - » ff ace toe // ™ For sale by all first-class dealers. the Chine Vorrisi i fi ~ . G. F. HEUBLEIN & BRO., Sole Proprietors. ECONoM\ 2 29 Broadway, New York, N. Y. Hartford, Conn, London. , Vin ¥ . Pec e ec C CeCe SSS SCSSOSS SSS CS SIOSCSSOS SS CRES SSS SSRSSES ESSEC CSCC SSS ESS SESE SSE TSS SSS BILLTOP. you must , caoing lmiohty well, « man. to be able to 2 teaches by mail, with per- te oc} Alois P. Swoboda (227°... hie nna harter a yach and scientific method of CaAPTon.—Not at all! I’m doi Physiological Exercise without any apparatus whatever and re- quiring but a few minutes’ time in your own room just before t« l retiring. By this condensed system more exercise can be obtained . aad in ten minutes than by any other in two hours, and it is the only How ic one which does not overtax the heart ’ ; t | 1 t ‘ 1 r to eep mv wit It 1s the only natural, easy and speedy method for obtaining per- I’m Soin Kee} , fect health, physical development and elasticity of mind and body. sea for a whole month Harher ABSOLUTELY CURES CONSTIPATION, ” INDIGESTION, SLEEPLESSNESS, . DAY 5s so ) \ cal 7 ' NERVOUS EXHAUSTION, ee and revitahzes the whole body ‘ ] 1 ou Ry P ry ro i Pupils are of both sexes ranging in age from fifteen to eighty-six, : - and all recommend the system. Since no two people are in the same — ee physical condition individual instructions are given in each case vias , FOLLOWING UP HIS ADVANTA( 3E. Write at once for full information and Booklet containing en- l HE counterfeit 1s oft } etter dorsements from many of America's leading citizens to . than the genuit Ran’ CHE RABBIT By Jov that nerve tonic I'm KING nt £ line 4 , ‘¢ rows ia ne s ALOIS P. SWOBODA, H 93 . taking is great thing If this timid person torn. uns I shall certai:

34-36 Washington Street, CHICAGO, ILL.

Page 14

AN AUTUMN IDYL. | A GREAT DISADVANTAGE ’ The man who thinks he knows it all To trouble sure is turning, Brown October! Al! the world H wi Warrant to -The Queen od Gold Medals Awarded Seemeth dead As the earth beneath my tread Or the leaves that hang up-curled

For he gets lazy and forgets

While other folks are learning. Overhead. Vashington Star. Brown and quiet as a mouse THE decrease in the population of CAR RRR RRR Is the town; Omaha in the last ten years is 26.99 And arraved in brownish gown per cent., and the decrease in the people’s good opinion of the Census Office is 99.99 per cent. —/udianapolis News. 3 Comes my loved one from her house (House is brow n)

Ah! how lovely is her hair, peop phe, 1 i tru Iv is every woman’s private opinion And her eves so deep anc e— Who’s that with her? Brown, I swear! Jove! I’m blue! Catholic Standard and Times. that the first thing her husband will do

when he gets to heaven, will be to find fault.—Aschison Globe.

4HE GRAND PRI (HIGHEST POSSIBLE AWA Has been awarded t© A copy of ‘* Our Presidents, and How | to Make Them” should be sent to Wil | liam Jennings Bryan. Norristown se L | | |

FULL OF WATER.

‘¢ How do you feel now?” asked his Herald. | rescuers. | |

‘¢Like a Jersey trust,” gasped the 1s John Dewar & 7 ay" ; 8 vo half-drowned man, faintly. OMEN ave mete pleased with board- ig stud. Then they rolled him on the barrel iS N ing than the men, because it is easier ia some more; for they, too, were finan- | 9 for a woman to smile when she does n’t 2 ANI ciers.—/farper’s Bazar feel like it.—Asfchison Globe Fd [HERE is a good deal of talk nowadays as to 32 OF course, the new starch trust in- K who o overes Kipling Tt ° ; ict is however, boratasys tends to stiffen prices. — Indianapolis Fred Classup,Sole U.S. Agent ,New York. yiic5.P!°* “eeoretet Bimal telente Com News. . " - DEWAR’S SCOTCH WHISKY is distilled and bottied by Messrs. JOHN DEWAR & SONS, LTD., at their distilleries, PERTH, SCOTLAND, under the supervision of HER MAJESTY’S EXCISE OFFICERS. The flavour of RED TOP RYE «“ e Canadian NG Rupees vor Tuan. et Tee. wmexey ” a ‘ : cs a | Cl b MOTHER.—I don’t see why you and vour husband should have so much | a Xl trouble. You don’t belong to different churches, do you? 4 fs OF Whisk DAUGHTER. — No, Mother. y MOTHER Then there is no excuse for fighting like dogs and cats. — is distilled with it, Ve" Yr Metiy not added after- ——_ sai WHEN a girl engages in a new love-affair she opens a top bureau-drawer ward, and water and burns a few letters and bunches of dried weeds, and calls this burying the cannot wash it dead past.—As¢chison Globe. out. A High Ball

F you are thirsty

made f m “Can- ies ppg i. nc gp va —_— sing at : a Mins a Know for a good whis- ~ wach ther 1ere,’ who refuse to know each other here fchison Globe, key, why don’t adian Club” is an you try extension, not | an extinction, of RED the perfect quali- | | ae, | TOP ties which have \ fal! ; RYE made “c nadian - It is made for dis- if | ee rh . ave OR AS. i 4 ops ew tk poate on x criminating people Club” so popular ia with a thirst. 19 with connoisseurs “all MA DIAMONDS and WATCHES nt” _— r wn =a eno vew A SPECIALTY. = ewe wew v carning a al IMPORTERS AND MANUFACTURERS. PURENY 16 — < . ‘ . 7 | p f * i OR Watches, Diamonds, Chains, and \N IMPORTANT DISTINCTION, | Proression ors met < ho OLD DocToR If you can manage it, get your name in the papers uF gon De ee yrs J wil poy & way foe - me oe My SWE “- 3 af ers “ = 0 © earn & good salary while learning the Is our patent Sleeve and Collar Button strong, durable and YOUNG DocToR But etiquette for bids a phy sician to advertise | profession of your choice, You can become @ easy to adjust. In Gold, Silver, and OLD DocTorR Yes: but not to be advertised Mechanical Engineer, Electrician Architect rolled gold | ’ 200, r . BENEDICT BROTHERS, - as Betabtiched 1901, Coptial pirtco es. ENEDICT BUILDING any petty trade-mark pirates trade on reputation SABIES are just like grown-up people they INTERNATIONAL 171 + oo. 7 of Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bitters unequalled South alwavs want to eat what is not best for them. — | Box L Sengeavensenes sensei, METAL Cor. Cort! dt St NEW Y . , — - dt ’ Soe virw a EerAucareup 1821 ENO view American toni Refuse imitation Washington Democrat pe me

Page 15

\Eye-G ass -Comfort™ CAN ONLY COME FROM STEADY, WELL-SET GLASSES

. »>k Xe ae EyYE-GLass JOINTS Lens Lock Screws iaT Won't BUDGE. Not an optician in the land but knows it. Some of them will frankly say so —and advise you to use Lens Lock Screws. Some won't. They 'd rather dodge a little trouble and a pinch more of expense to them selves than give you the best of best Let them dodge —send your rimlesseye-giasses ss i i % * i ho 8

MOREA ER RT I Re A we m Time Works C ¢ ~ ¥ onlublec (: andere ale, and to-

Exposition judges classed Carpets. gether with the careful : selection of the best ma- Lowell Brussels Carpets, terials and the employ- Playing Cards Bigelow Axminster Carpets, ment of the best methods in our new and specially prepared designs in brewing produce the

SO superior as to be ‘‘above competition” wonderful result shown in for the gold medal. “Card Games, and How to Play Them”’ a 120 Oriental Rugs. An unsurpassed assortment for Libraries 7 Dining Rooms and Halls ] 1 ll trade

page book mailed for six flap ends from . . ‘ . Designed exclusively for our Fa Bicycle boxes, or five 2c. stamps. Dept. 25, THE U. S. PLAYING Carp Co. Upholstery. ALE-«§ I ( sU I Cincinnati, Curtain Materia!s, Tapestrie Furniture erings Lace Curtains. There ’s no sediment due to yeast

cells or foreign germs EVANS’ Goddess of Liberty ¢ ES 19th ot. BOTTLING PREVENTS THAT. ~ Any Dealer Anywhere. trade-mark ace on every pack.

Grand Prize, Paris Exposition,

NEW YORK — sen 35.3 | HONOR WHERE DUE. oe |

Lens Lock nickel) to us with \ y Screws so cents and we Ghe eeder ODOMETER | x e€ W | will fit them with FOR CARRIAGES, We y Lens Lock Screws. Look for “L”’ on the } Automobiles, and all Vehicles. Aside from Odometer Scotch W} D cS stud. | the pleasure always found in knowing the with . : Descriptive Circular Free distance travelled and accurately measur- - I ! ae , “3 c | = the es your Renee. Se V eoser attaching For \ a“ ometer enables you to oll the running fixtures 38 J #1 partsat known intervals of distance, in- I ae ANDREW J. LLOY D & CO. ee | stead of * hap-hazard,” avoiding wear and t \ Fr bd - R mri } tear enough toe save many times Its cost G S \ ( a OPTICIANS } Gdom- equally true of automobiles, ' he \ 5 a | VEEDER MF6. CO. 4g high- 4 cheraggs eatin : ol ia beverage \merica 323 Washington St., BOSTON, Mass. cote ds ts

“* Don’t worry, my friends I'm sure you ot me than you seem to be outside ! TRINIDAD AT THE PARIS EXPOSITION. 4 God Medal Awarded to Dr. J. G. B. Siegert 4 & Son’s Angostura Bitters.

was not sufficient that this li island of the Lesser Antilles and the richest Great Britain's crown co lonies should have tch-lake yielding enough to supply the wor ) asphalt streets for centuries tocome. | its vast sosiadias ‘ wealth, Trinidad he seat of the manufactory of, the Ang | : ¢ CANDY: or =e *s ) a r present : t of OG DENSBURG, N. Y¥. PA i | iel

. Hartford, Conn,

“ I

C. F. GUNTHER, Confectioner. 212 State St., Chicago Throat Ease and Breath

Combines Perfection Of Quality Absolute Purity CONSOLATION will be a great deal more comt pe aang nee atiiaaatiln Alcohol, Opium, | wed Drug Using. ssc 0 § is easily to the S. RAE & CO., ride of Gold Treat- 1 yINGTON, MASS. & Leghorn, Italy. rm " in t these ul e" KE ELEY INSTITU TES. | PROVIDENCE, R. IL. i Established 183¢ on ce dential ymmmunicati - : WEST HAVEN,CONN,

~ ‘ , Ww rite for particular le Die ai Oo DODO D'OD' OD: An Autumn Suggestion. Bitters, which has been awarded im ghest excellence at the present Paris I sition. For over h alf a century this article idened with the fragrant arom is of the tropi« _ — : : : : ‘ 1s been winning its way more and more int k b k HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS, iit ten wie popular favor. In competition with similar arti nic er OC er PAP E Ro W ARE HOU ISE, f gs, come the last

cles at the international exhibitions of e ‘ forty ycars, it has, in every instance, « btained S ecial and sn Fee OB a gh ee kw Yore of from impartial judges the highest awards they MN aie © oe wane a cond only oul =StOV ying r ly eserved . on { ndw } A be “a thus bringing cer’ ¢ Me * South-Western Limited, the Famous Trait W , : ri nor and renown to its manu ue ure rs, the between Boston. New York Washingto Cin : : well-known firm of Messrs Dr . G. B. Siegert cinnati, Chicago. St. Louis. via BIG 4 RO TE much ambirc ttch i of « Evan: Son of Port of Spain, Trinidad, B. W. I. and New York Central. Bost & Albany of Amer | ! ae & Ohio All the canentee of caft EVEN piar tune I bee e for moret and library as well as dining and sleeping cars ome people Wiashir , } . H

durable lustre; never spoils: guaranteed pound box dealers. G. W. Hoffman. Mnfr., Indianapolis, Ind

BARKEEPERS RIEND METAL POv.1ISH —Sure, Quick. Easy. Gives a brilliant, the. at BOKER’S BITTERS = es The best st«

Page 16

OCT 24 1900 = = . ~ — = oe _— iy F a F "e —- = "ha onc! 2 —— ati tin is a ag oe tease Sg Se —— COPYRIGHT 1900 BY AEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN ITS CLAIM TO DISTINCTION. ‘¢ Remarkable bird, is n’t it?” ‘«¢Why, no !—it ’s common enough.” ‘But you shot it!”