Puck 1898-07-27: Vol 43 Iss 1116

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——w. anny OF CONG YW OFFICE of “Fee JUL 2:0 1898

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No. 1116. S PF of Coovt® PUCK BUILDING, New York, July 27th, 1898. PRICE TEN CENTS ey os ——— Copyright, 1898, by Keppler & Schwarzmann. = | ‘i Pe “AISULIVED, a4 oe ¥ t ot

Entered at N. Y. P. O. as Secord-ciass Mai! Matter. oe eT TPS “MINd

PELE ALOT Ys SP ames IND COPYRIGHT 1696 BY KEPPLER 8 SCHWARZMANN

THE ROUGH RIDERS.

THEY ARE ROUGH ON THE SPANIARDS, WHETHER THEY RIDE OR WALK.

t . . SER gen or pee

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APPRECIATED.

HAT DO you people have here in the way of amusements?” asked the critical young man from the metropolis, who ‘¢It seems to was spending his vacation in Kohacl.. me that continued existence in such an out-of-the-way place as this would be little short of stagnation.” ‘¢Oh, pShaw, no!” replied the landlord of the tavern. ‘“*As soon as you git the lay of the land here you ’Il find there ’s plenty goin’ on all the time to break the monotony. You see, in the first place, everybody in the community knows everybody else, and so

we keep posted on and enjoy observin’ each other’s courtships, trades Then, there are peddlers and agents comin’ along

LPS <M sat. and family squabbles. every now and then with new stories and jokes to tell us. There are quite a number of first-rate croquet players here, and there is an interestin’ game goin’ on most of the time. There are a good many funerals, too; then, after it ’s over, there is always a wrangle between the two village doctors and, as we always know the parties, they are real entertainin’; and as to what killed the late lamented; and, as we all take sides, one way or the other, it makes things lively for quite a while after each funeral. ‘* There is generally a church quarrel goin’ on to talk over. once in a while Lyman Stang has a fit in front of the post-office; *most every day, Judge Purdy and Cap’n Hez Tuttle git to janglin’ over a And, all Eh-yah! Every and, LINER LO

game of checkers, and pull each other’s noses quite considerably.

Summer, there ’s the peculiar-actin’ city visitors to make fun of.

! THe Victim.— Confound your impudence Irving to take AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER.—I ‘ve got it, thanks! Much obl and the expression! It ‘Il be an interesting picture, I ‘m sure! 5 { A LWVELY, PLACE. h

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\ ga 4 4 - )\ ft 2 i - \ a = Takin’ it all the way round, there is suthin’ interestin’ goin’ on here most of the time.” Tom P. Morgan. : i THE OLYMPIAN : SHARPSHOOTER. VENUS.— Going out to- day? Cupip.—Yes, Ma; —just for target practice. IN) MADRID. FIRST CITIZEN. — It is a wonder that our torpedo boats have not done some { damage. / \ / SECOND CIrizEN.— Well, the trouble is that those people on the American ships are up at all hours of the night! ; “ shot of 1 =? QO! rOUCH of war mends all a nation’s punctures. |v WiLL be remembered to the credit of the 7exas that she runs aground only in time of peace. ENGLAND Is not anxious to have us go into the colony business; that is to say, England does n’t care about being a grandmother country. ! THERE Is probably not one harmless, inoffensive citizen of the United States who does not think that if he should happen to get into a fight would be a holy terror MILITARY TERMS. YPIGHT. 1896, BY KEPPLER &

“Right about face “ Left wheel!

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the: Sv. VAGHT, 1898, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN THE RESULT. ‘That is Mrs. Somers. She has attracted quite a little attention he " How ? ‘* By making no effort to attract any ON HIS_ DIGNITY. WHY THEY BECAME EXTIN¢ SHE.— No; I don’t believe in encouraging mendicants. Noau.—Are all the animals on board? Hre.— All right, Mum; but yer need n’t ter insult me by callin’ JAPHET. — All but two—the Icthy Icthy names. (Writes, Icthyosaurus and the Pl. saurus ) there ! NOAH (whispering ).-— Don’t say a word about will be missed. iy mt ' % HOW IT HAPPENED. JAY GREEN.—Are you the wild man? | MUSEUM FREAK.— Yes JAY GREEN. H’m! Wal, what makes you wild ? MUSEUM FREAK. The fool questions that are being continually asked m« ¢ ao WHEN TIME COUNTS. SMITH. — Jones feels hurt about your say COPYRIGHT, 1696, BY KEPLER & SCHWARZMANN ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN. MAMA.—It must have been three o'clock this morning when the baby woke up. PAPA.— Yes. He overslept himself! ing he BROWN. and se oO MRS is nearly seventy. B SMITH.— He seven last AFTER THE MASS MEETING ‘“olonel Shouter pediment in his speech.” ‘¢TIs that so : “Yes, It potatos “ you change it THI JOHNNY. —What is a C PAPA.— U’m ut he is, is n’t he? says not;—only sixty July. had an im was int rrupted by egg A CONTINUGUS in order to spt ak it mortal enemy of the Soprano. Ri vimime PERFORMAN( pencil. GABBLETON I only speak my mind POOR GABBLETON (with surprising spirit).—Yes so often that it keeps you talking all the BEST HE COULD DO. ntralto, Papa? can’t define a Contralto, Johnny, except as } u time

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i LINGERING DOUBTS. : i PROSPECTIVE VictiM.— It looks like an easy game. : il THE VictimM.—Oh, yes! It's as easy as rolling off a log. { | PROSPECTIVE Victim. — But I rolled off a log once and got hurt! t ae : 4 hy WELL GROUNDED ON SOME THINGS. “THE EVIL THAT MEN DO LIVES AFTER THEM.” ' HO was the man that never told a lie?” asked the SHIFF.—What caused Grinkam to renounce Theosophy? The last 4 \ new teacher of the boy with the black eye, smiling time I saw him he was claiming to be the reincarnation of his grandfather. | face, and one-hundred-and-forty-seven demerit JONESMITH.—Yes; he firmly believed that he was the reincarnation a } marks opposite his name. of his grandfather; but people began dunning him for money they had / ‘¢| hain’t got so fur as dat yet,” answered that loaned the old gentleman fifty years ago, and Grinkam discarded the ¥ worthy helplessly; and then, evidently wishing to theory in short order. is 4 —_— = age an yt SOUNDED FAMILIAR. as possibie on the new teacher, mMmraADTITY ATL rit rewEee éf ‘ ; he iced hentiin. «heat T knows UNFORTUNATE OFFICIOUSNESS. HiGGINns.—I thought you said you did n’t know il any God's quantities aw filines don eam - : a word of the Russian language, yet you seemed to } f cnn a hint * carry on quite a conversation with that Russian ; peddler. 4 : =, : _ : WIGGINS.—Yes; had a fit of -ezing, a ee ee Sion - . it was that I raised that barrel before I : j terrupts the proceedings will he expelled from the hana 66-Gath Ghiseblian. She hathate ol : ; ; court room. the barrel is entirely out. I'll have to go THE boGs of war show the effects of having been THE PRISONER (enthusiastically ).— Hooray! Se eee ae oe a good while tied up. ) ale

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II IIT MR. KNOWALL Confound women, I ’ say! Mary said she would pack this china “Sh . : “Phew! I wish I had let her do it her- one ~— ) 7 : . . She must have started to pack it, for new! 2 wish 2 Rad ict ner Got her “There! Finished at last! I "ll give and she has n't started it. It's a two-hour here is a bedding of excelsior at the self. It's too hard work for a man. It her a bit of my mind when she comes job, and we have to be out of this house bottom has taken me nearly two hours, and I'm home for forcing me to do this jot y four o'clock. I'll do it myself and put not done yet & 2 do this job, her to shame for her negligence !

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LI i MODERN CONVERSATIONS. * OOD MORNING!” “Oh! good morning, Doc- tor! I’mso glad you ’ve come! I was so nervous, and —” ‘Your hand, please.” ‘¢ Discouraged.” «“We must n’t allow that, really, you know. You need a change.” ‘¢] always need a change.” «+ But you should go away.” ‘¢] ’m always going away.” «< You come back, don’t you?” ««T have to — to consult you.” «‘Don’t make compliments. It has a tendency to excite you.” «< But you are such a dear man! My husband does n’t half appreciate you.” ‘*Nonsense! I must take your temperature. Now, for two minutes, please.” *©O-0O-O, M-m-m!” (A pause.) ‘* How was it?” ‘‘Oh! normal. Your trouble is too subtle to be reflected in a temperature.” ‘*Of course it is. How few understand me as you do ! “8 ‘You must remember that I make a study of you.” ‘*] wish my husband did.” ‘*Tut! he has n’t time. Now for remedies. Do you drive daily?” -*Oh, yes! but it ’s so monotonous.” ‘< Still, it must be continued. Now, fora walk?” «Oh! I’m not strong enough to walk. ENS ‘ N . om ‘ : ; / WO Ns You know that. / \ . ‘‘True. Still, | should advise a block or so a day. And you must not sit up late.” ‘« How late?” ‘* Weil, not after midnight!” ‘¢Oh, dear!’ «And have you taken that prescription regularly?” ‘Dear me, yes! You know I always obey you.” ‘¢That’s right. And now | must go.” ‘¢ Must you?” ‘Yes. Just think of all those who are waiting to see me! Do you wish me to come to-morrow?” «Oh! yes! yes! ! yes! | know [ should die if I did n’t see you!” HE HAD BEEN THERE. DAISY MEDDERS (who reads novels ).— Have you never met the woman whose touch thrilled / every fibre of your being and filled you with in-

describable emotions ? JAY GREEN (who does n’t).—Yep! 1 was operated

on by a woman dentist once. A POINT OF RESEMBLANCE. Jack Dewitt Yes, I can set you free; but it SINCERITY IS scarce, but the supply is equal to the Miss FETCHYNGI How? demand. JACK DEwIt It is taking more time than I th

WHat SPAIN needs is a cabinet with courage enough to make peace. AN EXPERT. |F THE first shall be last and the last first, it shows that destiny is NELLY.—I believe Grace has a thorough knowledge of chemistry to be read a good deal like a Summer novel. IRENE. — Yes, indeed! Why, she could a r ow

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VI I “I wonder whether it is very heavy or MRS. KNOWALL (entering I went MR. KNOWALL » room not? Why, no! I can lift it with ease! é of oa down to get a new barrel, James. For / , Heavens! What is the matter? All the ‘For the love of heaven The barrel goodness’ sake! What have you been « h sj “ la macking appears to be sinking to the has no bottom in it! ing? All the dishes broken! You don't Mi KNOWAI You are corey . mean to say you tried to pack in that bot Mk. KNOWALI Why, ju what you

tomless barrel? Well! thir

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‘e Se “be 3 SS ET a sa Sas ee: CS a 7 = oe Ee er et A aT le cost oo oe % ea HIS NARROW ESCAPE. fer me that | ’m left-handed! n’t a-been home till to-mor’.” his mother. ‘« Why, it is like this: Pretty soon after I ’d got on the train, a feller that looked like one of them smart drummers from the Nawth, asked me whur I was goin’. I told him to Eastville, arid he p’inted out to me that I was settin’ facin’ the wrong way, and said that I ’d better turn my seat right over or I ’d be carried to West- ville in spite of myself. The dad-blamed seat was stuck fast so’s I could n’t turn it over, and I was considerable flustered for a minute; but all of a sudden I happened to think of somethin’, and says I: ‘¢¢ That ’s all right, Stranger; I’m left-handed.’ ‘¢He ’d been grinnin’ a good deal befo’ that, but he quit it then, and whacked me on the back and told me I was’ e the stuff. And I reckon I was, for I jest stuck to my seat till I landed in Eastville, safe and sound. But if I had n’t been left-handed | ’d have found myself in a nice fix when I got to Westville, whur I did n’t have any business and don’t know a livin’ soul.” ANOTHER LOST ILLUSION. ‘« Tears, idle tears,” the poet’s time-worn phrase, Tho’ favorite and familiar, is not true; For tears, I know, can work in many ways, As you can tell when they ’ve been worked on you. PROTRACTING ‘‘How do you make that out, Labby?” asked THE CAMPAIGN. PUCK. Y HECK, Maw!” ejaculated young Lab Juckett, a sag-mouthed Arkansaw youth, who had just returned from making a short journey on the cars; ‘it’s a pow’ful lucky thing Had n’t a-been, I would “And must I walk the plank ?"’ faltered the captive ** Certainly!" imagine I 'm going to supply you with a bicycle, do you?” Piracy is, essentially, an unprogressive industry ; replied the swart corsair, with to the modern spirit. WALKING. a frown. ‘‘ You don't it does not respond A THEY LET HIM IN. BROWN. — So you lost your money in that scheme. I thought they let you in on the ground floor. COPYRIGHT, 1694, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN ELLA. — Polly complains that he is adopting Spanish tactics. Dick. — What does she mean ? ELLA. —Trying to avoid an engagement. ye heyt DP ee Pn, Ba “as hyp ah Fs 8 Ale é aoe) eX y \) a coe ae child,” answered Re fa } We = ' = , eel... the cow, ‘‘is my Ar . & “y ‘ec I brute, ~ Signi atwrtarrnig Af | \i be te i} call You will miss me when I am gone,” she sobbed, after the quarrel. JONES. — Well, they eventually landed me in the cellar! or — me att oP, one a A Be ‘ A CO-WORKER. ok é Paget s «‘ What is that, 5 v a fmm : Mama?” asked the Se « t% observant young “That, my “age gel partner, the pump.” INSTRUCTIONS. BANK PRESIDENT. I want you to shadow the cashier — and ann CF a= DETECTIVE.—Yes, sir ? BANK PRESIDENT.— You might find out if he has shadow me. employed anybody to ART AND DENTISTRY. ‘*The dentist who can draw a tooth with- out giving pain is certainly an artist.” The person claiming to know something about the tendencies of the day, laughed bitterly. ‘*You are mistaken,” he rejoined; ‘in these days no real artist can draw anything without giving pain.” UNDOUBTEDLY. would miss you before you go,” said the ‘if you only kept still.”

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ee litt centr dtent ine tiered womens PUCK. PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY. The subscription price of Puck is $5.00 per year. $2.50 for six months. $1.25 for three months. Payable in advance. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN Publishers and Proprietors. Wednesday, July 27, 1898.— No. III6. rhe contents of Puck both the United States and NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS are protected by copyright in | Great Britain Infriz promptly and vigorously prosecuted will be ement of this copyright PUCK’S Illustrations can be found only in PUCK’S Publications CARTOONS AND COMMENTS. READY B® ATED NEWS of the outside world is trickling into FOR THE Spain. There is a note of pathos in this moan of a VERDICT. Madrid newspaper: ‘‘ This country has been deceived, for heretofore the United States have been represented to be merely a nation of merchants unfit for war, incapable of standing a long struggle, lacking a navy and imbued only with a greed for gold.” And there is also pathos, relieved by unwitting humor, in the succeeding sen- tences: ‘* It was concealed from us that this same nation had fought two wars with Great Britain, one with Mexico, and also the civil war in 1861, which gave liberty to the slaves. The power and strength of that nation have been hidden from our people, as well as our own weakness.” That these data have been ‘+ concealed” from Spain is indeed regrettable. Yet they have been lying around loose in history for a long time, and the onus of concealment must be upon the ill-starred people that have kept their eyes away from them. The Madrid editor would seem to have put the matter correctly: The growth of the world out of the slough of barbarism in which Spain still wallows has surely been concealed from her. She was not only ignorant of the strength of the enemy she took on, but she did not know that her sister monarchies had long since ceased to be the peculiar kind of monarchy she is. She counted upon their standing together with her and for her; whereas, for one cause or another, they leave her to suffer alone the penalty of enlightenment. She has sown the wind well; and now the harvest of the whirlwind is upon her. THE STUFF Sie WORK of our troops around OF SOLDIERS. Santiago has shed some needed light upon the qualities that are needed to make a good soldier. It is a question that has sometimes been hotly discussed among us of late years. The Jingo said war was the one thing needed. Gentlemen in Congress, in the daily prints, at banquets and in all places where large talk is the fashion, said that war was the only remedy that could cure this country of the dry rot that had set in. We were fast degenerating into sordid money-grubbers, they said; and, indeed, they were not quite sure that we had not already passed the saving limit, and that a war would show us to be eternally dead to all manly courage. Still, they did their best to save us, if that were still possible, by seeking war for us. They had not much preference as to the enemy; any enemy would serve to show if there were still good stuff left in us. But there were those that gainsaid the Jingos; who argued that, because a nation lives in peace, its people do not nec essarily degenerate into brainless, sapless, nerveless imbeciles. They could not see why it should be so. They had an idea that the general scheme of the universe has not provided that man shall be at his best only when he is at war. 1 And they had another idea that the fighter of greatest courage and of greatest devotion to his country is 5 the fighter whose very highest ideal is peace. Events at Santiago have sustained these latter arguers. It looks as if some of the finest courage the world has ever known has come right out of a generation that has known only peace. Let guns be what they may, it is plain that the spirit of the men behind them is what tells in war. Does any one now think that peace has sapped the valor of this generation, or that our men at Santiago would have shown a finer quality of patriotism if we had fought two or three wars in the last score of years? Let us see that war has no virtue of itself; that war is vile except as it makes for peace; and that a man can die for his t country only so well as he has learned how to live for it. PUCK. PLACING f gprs AN IS prone to squabble He is apt to THE CREDIT. feel that he is not comporting himself with the dig- nity which his constituents demand in him except when he squabbles. This liking of his seems to have been responsible for the discussion that took place in the Senate over the relative meeds of glory due to Admiral Sampson and Commodore Schley for the s] did naval victory of July 3rd. To the American people, who are the final arbiters in the case, this discussion will probably seem to have been uncalled for. They rejoice with Commodore Schley in the good luck that put him to the front in a stirring fight, and they regret with Admiral Sampson that the fortunes of war kept him off the stage during the last act of the drama ] had managed so ably. But, while according every honor to Schley for h telling work, they would not deprive Sampson of his rightful shar I glory. They have come near to appreciating the rigors of the long block ade under Sampson’s command, they understand that every eming day of that blockade was as vital a part of the victory as the shots that were fired on the morning of July 3rd, and their ser of fair play at any invidious comparisons between the officers who maintained it, re re less of which particular officer was in command when it terminated \ matter of truth, every man jack of our forces off Santiago is a hero, from the man on the bridge to the last stoker; and there was ry enough in the performance to give each hero all he wants and | \ a roe t k over for the rest of us. THE ROUGH RIDERS. I 1 agen WHERE the chaparrals uplift But now, uncheck the A O’er Texan sea of gr In ng ! I \ na cahon rif \r I \ ( ra pa I W Fre Be ein CiaSSi¢ € W ¢ And Gotham sq t I I We ‘ve } by o1 1 e swayed - I ( Rot Riders are we a oO ‘ ° II \ We ken the ways of man and beast — Ir ff We face he |] ie Dea O We 've wat i the t " their feast I j f W ve felt the Nort} bre And We know e realms of t i beaux I € 1y ’ And Fa ns gay con 1 I ( oO ew from Deln S VW ( r to the le I m NOTHING TO CRITICISE. WISE They I I n irmy Mrs. Wis! ] ed! \ why Wise.— The uniforms are k

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DC J OTTMANN LITH THE VERDICT. R I G THAT THE DECEASED COMMITTED SUICIDE. DOUBT

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<OPYRIGHT, 1096, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZWANN JOLLY US ALONG. W"* N WE, without or with desire, Are tangled in the law, A lawyer, then, we needs must hire To find the needful flaw. Our splendid case commands his zeal (Whether 't is right or wrong) ; With writ, adjournment, stay, appeal, He jollies us along! When we perchance have fallen sick, And fever racks or pain, Then send we for the doctor, quick, lo bring us health again. ‘A ~orvelous cose! None ere so ill!” (The same old cuckoo song) ; With lotion, mixture, potion, pill, He jollies us along! But Lawyer Sharp and Doctor Wise, Who work for needful pelt, Can never hope to take the prize a9 3 S— = — a = When matched with one’s own selt With power or wealth or fame in sight, We struggle in the throng; While hope keeps trimmed her luring light And jollies us along! Hunter MacCulloch SOCIAL ‘*Do- you play golf ? ‘*No; COPYRNGHT, 1856, BY KEPPLER & but I ‘ve got so I cz

FOREWARNED, SAM.— Pete done said he am gwine ter bring a rabbit's foot to de pokah game

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ADVANCE. in stand it to see yy we

MoseE.— Den Ise gwine ter bring a razzer!

FOREARMED.

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other people play gg FURTHER CUMSO WHIFFETT. liar. ossified liar? Cumso.—I don’t know

lf | fl / | //f Mf YY / Yo pep il INFORMATION NEEDED. What ’s the matter, Whiffett? Taddells called me an ossified Had he any right to call me an Tell me that! What does ‘* ossified ”? mean? THE ENGLISHMAN. NEW ARRIVAL. — How much is the fare from New York to San Francisco? TICKET AGENT. — One hundred dollars. NEW ARRIVAL. — You bloomin’ robber ! I can travel clear across England for twenty dollars! A FLASH OF SILENCE. HE.— Why so pensive? SHE.— I? HE. —Yes said a word for forty seconds. You have n’t A NOTICE. THE CALLER (sharply ).— Just ask Mrs. Jones if she ’ll see me. THE MAIp.—Well, | ’ll see if she ’ll see you; but I hope, for your own sake, it ain’t for subscrip- tions or collections or such!

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PUCK. INAUSPICIOUS' FATES. What with Sampson and Merritt and Hobson, And the other cognomens with knobs on, *T would seem that the poet — He perhaps does n’t know tt — The dread fates are putting up jobs on. AN AMENDMENT, BROOKLYNITE.—There is some criticism of the signs on the trolley cars ‘*Direct to New York ’”’—as Brooklyn is part of New York. FRIEND, FROM MANHATTAN Yes; I supp it would bx better just to say, ‘* Away from Brooklyn.” A THEORY. FIRST FARMER.—They say there’s a man in New York that never shakes hands with anybody SECOND FARMER P’raps he ’s had some exper’ence with bunco men. EQUALLY EXTRAORDINARY. ‘*“The American marksmanship during this war has been remarkable ‘Not a bit more remarkable than the Spanish marksmanship.” |? 1S reported that Spain’s next move will be the King’s pawn [N WHEAT, as 1n poke r, one may make money on another man’s deal. Don’! BE too anxious to make a noise in the world. The Spanish guns have done that WHEN REPORTING losses the Spanish gencral 1s apt to be short accounts. COPYRIGHT, 1896, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZ DOMINANT RACES. IsAACS.—You t'ink der Anglo-Zaxons vos going to rule der eart’ ? COHENSTEIN.—Vell, may be dey mighd, but dot von't brevent der Hebrews from owning id nt CAUSE FOR INSOMNIA. ¥! p. F j \ MALL VOICE (in the middle of the night). — Papa, man an 73 ; I can’t sleep. PapaA.— What is the matter? Do you want } a drink? SMALL VOICE.-— No, sir; I keep saying over and over to myself that it was Sampson who slew the Philippines; but, somehow, it does n’t . sound right. THE ONLY WAY. (At the bulletin board: ** Cadiz, 9.13 p. m. The officers and men of the fleet were solemnly sworn before sailing not to return until they had conquered America.” ) OFFICER McCTuURK.— Begob! Is it natcheralized they intind to be? AT THE GAS OFFICE. FIRST OFFICIAL.— Braynes is working on an invention to enable us to sell gas at twenty-five cents a thousand feet without reducing dividends. SECOND OFFICIAL.—H’m! A new meter? e THE POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE OF GLORIOUS WAR. JuNo.—Things don’t seem to be as lively on the earth as they used to be. JUPITER. —I know it. Mars has been getting dreadfully effeminate since he took those writing lessons. BUT IT WAS EASY TO START THEM. ‘¢ Yes,” said the Spanish officer; ‘‘ we made the Americans run, but it was hard work for us.” ‘¢ Hard work for you,” replied the great Spanish commander; ‘‘ how ALGY SoOFTPATE.— Ha rom Newlywe so?’ i ! ‘¢ Why, Saint Quixote! Your Worship, they could run almost as fast ETHEL SUMMERGURL. —W as we could!” a boy!

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A SERIOUS PROBLEM. Charley. dear, if you had to die for your country, or for me which would you do first?" The Quek C sooo LOSS has unexcelled facilities for the pro- duction of printed matter in modern style at moderate prices. Catalogues, Business Announce- ments, Art and Commercial Work, Illustrated Books and Pamphlets, Souvenirs and Menu Cards, De- signed, Illustrated and Printed AS THEY SHOULD BE. All branches of the business under one roof, ~y heokeh hak WR RS SS RR ER OCR i te Ne le et ea a ae a a a a ad MAKE YOUR BEST CHOICE Of the Purest Stimulant, by selecting always

ARAM 1: a: Ripened by Age and Mellow Somerset Club Maryland Rye Used by Families, Clubs, Cafés and Hotels EDW. B. BRUCE & CO., BALTIMORE, MD. St tt tt a SO te a ae HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS, THE funniest part PAPER WAREHOUSE, oS hinke he ie re.- 32. 34 and 36 Bleecker Street Leis Seen think is a bore. BRANCH WAREHOUSE ) Beekman Street. | Washington Democrat All kinds of nds of Paper Ta made to order ‘BOKER’S BITTERS _ An appetizer, promotes digestion, cures dyspepsia, and delicious in drinks

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"RADE SER OMRE MILITARY men have no patience with those who use technical terms wrong.— Wash- ington Star "IN nobody Send for Estimate when in need of Prin ing of Any Kind Address, ut The PUCK «PRESS Puck Build:ng New York...

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Iding of nervous prostration we wonder if it is \ieaey | or BBA LEAS OHS WISE, ‘““SHOOTING THE RAPIDS”’ Trust only in an ex- perienced guide—one with a cool head and a ' strong arm. SHAVING is risky, too, unless you have just f the right shaving soap. In many disease * germs, rank poison, smarting and burning sensa- tions are the Hidden Rocks that threaten your safety, health, § and comfort. Don’t shave with soaps you know nothing about. | Trust only in shaving soaps of known purity and Jong-established reputation. is often very risky business. soaps, sreerpeir ein: teeanids IR You can always rely on the adsolute purity and safety of WILLIAMS’ SHAVING SOAPS, while the rich, cooling lather insures a degree of ease, comfort and luxury in shaving afforded y) by no other soaps. Ki Does your barber use WILLIAMS’ SOAP? Do you? Me Williams’ Soaps sold everywhere, but sent by mail if your dealer does not supply Williams’ Shaving Stick, 25 cents. Genuine Yankee Shaving Soap, 10 cents. Luxury Shaving Tablet, 2 cents. Swiss Violet Shaving Cream, 50 cents. Williams’ Shaving Soap ( rbhers’), 6 round cakes, 1 Ib., oc. Exquisite also for Toilet Trial’ Cake for ac. Stamp. & THE J- B. WILLIAMS CO., GLASTONBURY, CONN. 4 London, 64 Great Russell St., W. C. Sydney, Australia, 16: Clarence St A NEUTER GENDER. Mrs. De Sour (angrily). —1 want you to keep your dog out of my house, California Mrs. De Smart. It’s full of fleas. In Mrs. DE SMART. — Mercy on me! Fido! Come here, sir! Don’t you go 3 Days. over a luxuriously appoint- ed railway system. Sight seeing made easy — travel- ing a continuous pleasure. The real charms and natu- ral attractions of California are not known until a sum- mer is spent in the Flowery Kingdom. The quickest train is The Overland Limited, No change of Cars. Via CHICAGO, UNION PACIFIC AND NORTH-WESTERN LINE into that house again. It’s full of fleas. New York Weekly. of the widow of sev- from an attack WHEN we hear ral husbands suffering same old attack West Union out of the the . breaking that killed Gazelle. others. In the Cuban swamps a bottle of Dr. Siegerf’s ~ Angostura Bitters will do wonders to keep your digestive organs in order Leaves Chicago every day in the ear, 6:30 P.M. Tourist tickets al ow stop over at Trans- Mississip - Exposition at Denver, Colorac Springs, Pueblo, Salt etc. and gives you choice of route returning. Any ticket agent will give you detailed information. | Chicago & North-Western Ry. { | Lake City, ure Produce each a disease Alcoho ’ ge pee s yields Opium, ar re disease The Pioneer Line West and Northwest of Chicago. | PRINCIPAL — NEW YORK, ROST CHICAGO, 368 Wesbingice a. 212 Clark St. ? LLL hl to the Double Chioride of Gold Treat- Tobacco m2 25 ste inistered at 461 Broadway. HE.—What is the use of the bridal ‘ Using fe Shee res ‘jutialo, a= anyhow? 7 ’ 4 te "ce ter SHE.—Why, it prevents the man see- | particulars. ing that the woman is laughing at him! | —. i Sorte Statesman. L “PROTECTION” SOAP.-— What is it? her dress Atchison Globe. A WOMAN does not care how warm really is, if it looks cool. Pears’ Why is Pears’ Soap—the best in the world, the soap with no free alkali in it— sold for 15 cents a cake? It was made for a hos- pital soap in the first place, made by request, the doctors wanted a soap that would wash as sharp as any and do no harm to the skin. That means a soap all soap, with no free alkali in it, nothing but soap ; there is nothing mysterious in it. Cost de- pends on quantity; quan- tity comes of quality. All sorts of stores sell it, especially druggists, all sorts of people use it, especially those that know what’s what. there 1s no marriags NEPHEW his ALeatherLesson Thick leather isn’t always durable. Thin leather isn’t always comforiable. Olly leather isn’t always waterproof. Dear leather isn’talways best. Low price leather isn't alwayscheap. Vici Kid is always re- liable. Thisis the reason it is fast super- seding all other leathers. Vici Kid is the g only leather that repels the cold, yet ab- = sorbs no heat. Itis the only leather free = from oil, yet impervious to water. It is the only leather soft enough forcomfort, @ strong enough for any kind of wear. makes the most beautiful shoes for women, the most comfortable shoes for men, the most durable shoes for children (all colors). The genuine never varies in quality, no matter where you get it. Genuine Vici Kid is made only by R. H. Foerderer. To in- sure getting it and not an imi- tation, ask your dealer for Foerderer'’s Vici Kid. Vici Leather Dressing makes all shoes look better and wear better. Ask your dealer for it, A book about buying, wearing and caring for shoes mailed free. ROBERT H. FOER DERER, THE man who ard ought to pass on and giv th writes poetry b\ tne idavw I CMAN WARRANTED A HUNTER eX Si 7 Tonical Stimulant. BALTIMORE RYE. 10 YEARS OLD. ASK YOUR DRUCCIST | OR BARBER.PRICE TRADE MARK == ind Medicinal Use WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. WILLARD CHEMI 50 CENTS MALDEN, M A GERMICIDE FOR MEN AND WOMEN, AN ABSOLUTE CURE FOR PILES,ECZEMA AND ALL SKIN TROUBLES. SEND FO

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ay en yen —" a ge ete - — = =e % = “ “ ane las tit Ba A BA aE alee ue eae aisle. se seman Ste ante an SO a , ee i ED. PE DD pam. ee Te eens ME SS eee sh RS esc dS ir a aes ee es + Si titi ati a ee ee a eee NEVER HAS ANYTHING BEEN SO HIGHLY AND SO JUSTLY PRAISED AS MARIANI WINE, the FAMOUS TONIC for BODY, NERVES and BRAIN. GEN. SIR EVELYN WOOD Says: MARIANI WINE is invaluable at ** Regarding the tnfantr; ft was the best seen the most palatable method of inducing resistance to fatigue. From “The London Sketch.’ MAX O’RELL, Your Yin Mariani is positively marvellous; one glass put on my feet; one bottle made a new man of me. Yours gratefully, ALL DRUGGISTS. PARIS: 41 Boulevard Haussmann. Ir you have n’t enough patience to coolly watch the operations of our troops without finding fault with the government and everything connected with it, then you ought to learn it by sizing up the length, breadth and gen- eral massiveness of your wisdom in con- structing a flower garden under the personal supervision of your wife. — Adams Freeman. THE name of the admiral in charge of the Cadiz fleet is Camara, and not Kodak, as Mrs. Lysander John Apple- ton insists.— Atchison Glote. SHORT SIXES. Stories to MORE SHORT SIXES. A Con- tinuation of the above. THE RUNAWAY BROWNS. A Story of Small Stories. In Paper, 50 Cents— PRICE Any of the above by mail from the publishers on receipt of price. marching in the recent maneuvres, during my command at Aldershot. Many officers availed themselves of the tonie and reconstituent proper- tes of the well-known Mariani Wine, the most certain as well as MAX O’RELL. LONDON: 83 Mortimer Street. Delightful Summer Reading Bunner’s Short Stories IMastrations by C. J. Taylor and others this season of the year, when, owing to trying climatic conditions, the system is especially susceptible to | attacks of debility and prostration. | VIN MARIANI (TIARIANI WINE) has stood the test of thirty-five years’ trial. It has written endorse- ments from more than 8000 Ameri- can physicians, in addition to having received cordial recommendations from royalty, princes of the Church and of the State, and many notable personages. MARIANI WINE is a tonic pre- pared upon careful scientific prin- ciples. It contains absolutely no injurious properties. It gives power to the brain, strength to the entire | nervous system, firmness and elas- | ticity to the muscles, and richness to the blood. It has been aptly de- scribed as a promoter of good health and longevity. MARIANI WINE is specially indi- cated for General Debility, Weak- ness from whatever causes, Over- work, Profound Depression and Exhaustion, Throat and Lung Dis- eases, Consumption, Malaria and La Grippe. MARIANI WINE is an adjuvant in convalescence and a powerful rejuvenator. For Overworked Men, Delicate Women, Sickly Children it Works Wonders. Taken with cracked ice, it relieves Summer Prostration quickly and effectually. It soothes, strengthens and sus- tains the system. To those who will kindly write to MARIANI & CO., 52 West isth Street, New York City, will be sent, free, kk con- taining portraits with endorsements of me Emperors, Empress, Princes, Cardinals, Archbishops, and other interesting matter AVOID SUBSTITUTIONS MONTREAL: 28-30 Hospital Street Thousands have been helped to better pay & po- sitions through amas BY MAIL instruction a Buildings erected ex- pressly fer thi ) pose ate A Mec gineering ; Chemistry; Mining; Mechanical and Architectural Drawing; Surveying ; Plombing ; Architecture: Metal Pattern Drafting ; Prospecting ; Bookkeeping ; Short- hani; English Branches. $2 A MONTH pays fora College Education at Home. 40,000 Stadents and Graduates. Circular FREE. State subject you wish to study. THE INTERNATIONAL CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOLS Box 918, Scranton, Pa., U. 8. A. be Read while the Candle Burns. MADE IN FRANCE, French Tales Retold with a United States T wist. THE SUBURBAN SAGE. Stray Notes and Comments on His Simple Life. In Cloth, $1.00 Address, PUCK, New York and Liquor Habit cured in 10 to 20 days. No pay till cured, Dr. J. L. Stephens, Dept. L, Lebanon, Ohio. WHEN a widower buys false teeth people like to look suspicious. —Wash- ington Star. COULD N’T UNDERSTAND IT. | ‘‘Last year,” said the man with the furry silk hat, ‘*our company paid $50,000 to the government.” ‘Great Scott!” rejoined his friend, whose coat sleeves were too short, | ‘‘Are n't you people rich enough to keep from paying all those taxes?” —Detroit Free Press Evans’ Ale iS $2.50-by mail new Cycle Lamp, for which we claim Beauty wedded to goodness. @ It will give you for ten consecutive hours a only for ‘tied who must | have the best. Highest ne brewing in the world. } for the asking. Cc. H. Evans & Sons, Brewers, Maltsters and Bottlers Founded 111 years ago. IT does n't look well for men to boast of themselves except through the advertis- ing columns. They | one result, - can spread it on thick awards to the there. — Port Jervis Gazette. Wherever shown— Nashville— Brussels — everywhere, with ex- perts and with riders, only highest STERN FATHER.— Why, daughter! that young man is the most bare-faced liar — DAUGHTER. — Oh, Father! how can you say so? Frank has | the beautifullest, soft- | est — er— softest-/ook- ing moustache I ever f — saw, I mean. — flood of white, u It positively will not go out at the bidding of ruts, car tracks, or wind. Its make-up represents all that 57 years of ing, far-r Established 1840, | | Harvard Lampoon. | $100 0 |; 7% For THe CAPTURE ry Viyy / y iT - ‘ ~ y t Ge Ne a 3 Reon pttiw Ruy J (TUT AW Qa OF i “BRICKED ESCAPEU f HAN WW itm & ——e | z COPYRIGHT .808, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARTMANN A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY. hing light. Lamp architecture have taught its builders. More about it in a brief circular, to be had New York City. Oooo | Pickings from Puck, No. 28. PRICE, 25 CENTS THE very prettiest age ina girl is when she is too shy to go anywhere, unless an oldef sister goes with her. This age ante- dates the corset. It is the brief time in a girl's life when she is pretty, and does n't dream of such a thing. — Atchison Globe Bos (#0 TOMMY, who Aas ji t been spanked ) rommy ! THOMAS Yes? Bos Don't you wish you were an ironclad ? — Harper's Bazar “Dere 's a chanst to make a hundred easy if we'd run acrost him.” marl yim mon Hor

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RHEINSTROM BROS. Angostara Bark Bitters Best of ali Cocktail or Tonic Bitters. 5 Bottle of this is equivalent 6 to a bottle of the best of the others. ~ LARK BITTER. 1 Bottle is as good as a bottle 2 of most of the others. =|\¥ . For sale by all Leading Jobbers and Retailers. Pee ou The United States is fast becoming the great rape-growing country of the world Cook's Jm- f vial Champagne is the best. The one satisfying under Flexibility is a feature that men and women appreciate in YPSILANTI‘ HEALTH UNDERWEAR, \ t it adapts itself to every movement. Never outof place. Feels right, unites com- fort with health, makes your clothes set well. Ypsilanti, Mich, “IF you want a thing done well,” re- marked the Philosopher, as he banged the lawn mower into the fence, ‘hire somebody to do it, then sit on the back porch and oversee the job.”—Defroit i ree Pre SS, Don’t blow a steamship whistle testi- mony for a cockle-shell life. — Ram's Hlorn. THE LAW OF CITIZEN.— They say thot opposite dispositions attract wan another. Do yez belave ut? RILEY. — Shure an’ Oi do thot. Oi nivvir kin meet an Orangeman widout clinching A ERICAN a wid him on th’ shpot. Capstan —"—™ Those Fine English Tobaccos siti’. Put up by Put _up by W, D. «& H. O. WILLS of Bristol, England. Westward Ho { > x * ~ ond famous famous the world over for their supe rb fla AVOr and exquisite aroma, can Thre e Cc astles{ be obtained for you b our dealer. ») AT on Ie If he will not get ther, write tot us for price-list Of the well-known brands, Gold Flake,ete.{ J. W. SURBRUG, Sole Agent, 159 Fulton Street, NEW YORK. ‘CLUB ‘PUNCH en, CO | - eee ies IFNTIF SEND a boy out early in the morning, to deliver milk, and he looks like the OUNDED ARTICLE ,MADE devil; but, under the same circumstances a girl looks like a queen, and has an ea INLY OF THE. VERY CHOIC air on her face indicating that she is a rich man’s daughter carrying milk toa EST ATERIAL AND poor family. — Aéhison Globe. READY TO SERVE4N’A MIN T ST THE TERNOON ENING- PARTY; YACHT OR PICN T MAKES P| ENTERTAINING EAS Y FOR SALE BY ALL DEALERS ] SALE BY ALL DEALERS THE man whose hair has come out, can make himself very interesting to any woman by announcing that it came out through a fever.— Afchison Globe. STANDARD PRICES CRESC BICY ] HARTFORD, NEWYORK, LONDON jacket made out of an old one than she is of one made of new stuff.— Washing- | ton Democrat. A WOMAN is a good deal prouder of a SOLD BY AGENTS EVERYWHERE Ofivell“Gp fink The newest me unique s original Nutritious and delicious, Made of queen olives. rare herbs, spices and an appetizing sauce. — §0OLD BY GROCERS. We La - i Sp * = Seville Racking Co Tew York. > 5 EXCLUSIVISTS LAL OLIVES »9 OLIVE “SS PRODUCTS. Give rare cycling pleasure. Crescent Tandems double it, adding qompenion- ship, dividing work - - . Crescent Tandems Are properly built in every way. Strong, rigid, reliable. And the price — an honest one - - - - - $75. CRESCEN TS | are the most popular bicycles made. Art Catalogue, with “Care of the Wheel,” FREE. WESTERN WHEEL WORKS CHICAGO Makers New YORK A YEAR FOR ATTRACTION. Health improves, spirits rise proportionate to regularity or using Abbott's —The Original An ee a REMAIN IN AMERICA. ‘s YOU are a nice little boy,” said the kindly old gentleman at the hotel. ‘¢ Thank you,” said Tommy | greg, Hannay grt As this seems to be a year for most Americans ‘¢Yes,” said Tommy; ‘I ’ve got ‘. — ; i ee hie Coens Sele t tie deadioey deat to stay in the United States it is perhaps ap- }on papas. We ’ve only got one.”— propriate to call attention to America’s Great Harpers Bazar. ‘ : p Resorts, particularly those reached directly by the New York Central and its connections 5 Prominent’ among which are the Thousand ¢ KI Islands, the Adirondack Mountains, Saratoga, ake G ake Ch: ai Niagara Lake George and Lake Champlain, | Hosiery. Falls, the Berkshire and Litchfield Hills, the Plain and Fancy Lisle Thread, Silk and Catskill Mountains, and hundreds more equally | Cashmere Hose and Half Hose = as good and healthful. Summer Underwear. Cartwright & Warnef's A copy of ‘‘ America’s Great Resorts,’’ will be sent by Celebrated Underwear free, postpaid, on receipt of a two-cent stamp George H. Daniels, General Passenger Agent, Grand for Children, Ladies, and Gentlemen Central Station, New York. Proadovay KH 19th ot. 38 NEW YORK. B ARKELPL2 SP RIEND METAL POLISH—Sare, Quick. Easy. — a ay durable lustre; never spoils, guaranteed pound ~e 1 om dealers. G. W. Hoffman, Moafr., Indianapolis, — ae

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AT THE SUMMER HOTEL. COPYRIGHT 10N0.Y KEPPLEN 8 SCHMARE RANA MABEL (just arrived).— What a delightful place! Any men here? Maupb. — Only one;— here she comes now! cal EAS rt ee RE cae ee =— =, i : PL AAS OTE a I TT TO. SENSE me ere - nomen EEE PMS LALO PO OT CO ED ES eT EE LE TO I TO oe ae ee os Eee ome (ocr er or ea er a RNs nN Re oR oe ae Ae ee ER gk ae oe rf = 7 i nen arn merino sm we | “s ~ epee +e Se —, een ¢ -s Si aa Se nO ee SOP yr eo eS fan —