Puck 1898-04-27: Vol 43 Iss 1103

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<= wi fA Je ¥ \ VOL. XLIII. No. 1103. ai bis i gtk UILDING, New York, April 27th, 1898. N CR TEN CENTS. ‘ . be Copyright®. 1898, by Keppler & Schwarzmann ~ , oe ,

ORS Entered at N. Y. P.O. as Second-class Mai! Matter.

COPYRIGHT 1698 BY KEPPLER 3 SCHWARTMANN

THE SPHINX AN UNKNOWN OF THE PERIOD. QUANTITY IN MODERN WARFARE.

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7 I 2 & dive «. Sick : , PATRIOTIC PREFERENCES, . 2 His Wire.—They must be very patriotic in Wall Street. Q 5 THE FARMER.— I suppose si « Ss IFE.—Oh, ves, indeed ! re’s are ; His W ( ‘ H las port with a whole lot in it about +* American 1 Sugar preferred,” and \merican To ; ” J bacco preferred. { ie ‘ IN THE INTERIOR. First CITIZEN.—Is our Congressman goin’ | to do anything for the farmer? : } SECOND CITIZEN, He tole me he wuz goin’ to i introduce a bill to stop the importation of French fried . potatos. LIGHT ON THE .MYSTERY. : THE VICTIM, —Just then, one burglar stumbled and made a great i { noise, and the other one said, ‘‘Say! you ’re a farmer! — THE DETECTIVE.—Aha! a clue! ' THE VIRGINIA people, who are trying to suppress flirting, should take i counsel of the Hindoo law. rhe Orientals resort to no temporary ‘ expedient, but go at once to the root of the matter and suppress girls. Th ; PPLER & SCHWARZMANH NOT SINCERE. :! WHEELER.—What do you think of hin : VAN Byki Oh! he is double-faced. He is all things to all men. 4 WHEEI What makes you think so ? VAN ByKke.—Why, the other dav I showed him a new wheel I r had bought. It was a different make from : : his, and yet he praised mine and,said it 4 was one of the best in the market a4 rOO INTERMITTENT. - : at Her smiles in truth my sunshine are, ie iat But what keeps me repining } Is that I can’t devise a way ; ay [fo keep my sunshine shining. ' 4 A PROGRESSIVE TOWN. : | ‘To what extent have you developed the natural resources of your town?” asked an Eastern speculator ; of a resident of Mudville, ) ~ ae ; ‘«Stranger,” he replied, impressively, ‘‘we ’re only six months old, but we ’ve got a bigger park already than Greater New York! BETTER BE right than be Vice-President. a OOLS MAY rush in where angels fear to tread, but they don’t always : , da is aera Foors may | ANOTHER REBUFF. succeed in rushing out. THE TRAMP.— Beg pardor In stranger in dese part Some FOLKS acquire knowledge for the sake of knowing it, and some THE FARMER.— Well, | dunno of any nts git for the sake of telling it acquainted with ye

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Mrs. H1trRAM DALY.-— APPLICANT HIS UNENVIABLE passing —a picnic They are all smiling as if they greatly pleased about something. LANDLORD RURALVILLE TAV- ERN.—I guess that’s about the size of it. You see, Ezry was one of them well-meanin’ demons who faithfully keep a diary year after year, and always feel in duty bound to pull out their little books and disprove every statement and reminiscence that is got off in their presence. Such a man may possibly be respected, but he can’t be loved to any great extent. AN ESSAY ON LOVE. How openly and frankly and freely people will love when they are old and past the age of loving and can’t love; and how shyly and reluctantly and doubtfully they love when they are young and of the age to love, and can’t help but love. (CCLARA.—Mrs. Hustle does n’t seem to insist very strongly that her daughter’s match with Lord De Liverus was a love match. May.— No; if she did, people would not give her credit for having made it. u any encumbrances ? t mont’, and thin RUMMER.—What is the occasion for this procession which is just thing of the kind? LANDLORD RURALVILLI ERN.—WNo; them ’s the folks re- turnin’ from Ezry Flint’s funeral. DRUMMER, —But, Great Scott! al ot APPA ‘] should think some explo YALLERBY.—Mal ‘Why

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PUCK.

. HIS WARNING. RAN’PA,” began old Grandfather Grout’s youthful relative, holding back a ” P 5 Gs

XN “ec } ope os < giggie of anticipated glee; “say A noisy noise annoys an oyster,’ over four times, as fast as—” 4! ‘*There! That will ; i do you, Charles Au by i i gustus!” interrupted the veteran. sharply. ‘¢Just stop right where : § you are! If you have ' 4 n’t got any more re- i} ; ‘ spect for older people ai than to come around try- ii | \ ing to ketch ’em with that kind | af of a tongue-twister, stop it for your | ‘i own sake, before the habit gets so firmly ii ” fixed on you that you can’t shake it off! ‘* Why, Gran’pa,” rephed the lad, in sur- prise, ‘*there isn’t any harm in that, is there 3: ==seabere 7”

‘Harm !” repeated the old codger, sternly. ‘Is

4 ‘ fl ‘ / there any harm in tippling rum or bibbing wine? + t a! a y 4 Well, this is another kind of a bad habit that is just Mi 4 4 ? iA as liable to grow on you till it completely overmasters .- ‘ a you and can't be shaken off! Once there was a boy 4 who thought it was smart to be getting off word-traps and puns and ober. j j ketches. He knew all of ’em, like the one about ‘ Theophilus Sizzle, vy 4 ; the thistle-sifter,’ and ‘The cat ran up the ladder with a raw lump of . acai ; liver in her mouth,’ and so on. He advanced from ketches to puns and UNNECESSARY ADVICE. if from that he went on, as he grew older, to telling stove-pipe, mother-in- You may g Magistr nd | : law and billy-goat jokes; and when people asked, as people will, seeing a not to threaten ye | funeral passing by, ‘Why, is Smith dead?’ he would answer with a titter, rt | ‘Oh, no! Smith is merely riding in the hearse for the fun of the thing!’ turned away su ; Where do you suppose that boy is now, Charles.Augustus?” \n’ he gits tet usar year fet e dat! ‘ i ‘¢ He —he now stands before us,” involuntarily replied the lad, recall f | ing the familiar answer to a familiar question. have him around in any capacity on account of his reputation for trifling, ‘ ‘¢No, he don’t!” thundered the old man, thumping his staff on the and, finally, he was forced to go to writing foolishness order to live. 7 floor. ‘*He don’t do any such a dratted thing! He kept right on in the He wasted so much of his time studying up jokes that he never gave his \. } downward course when natural sense exercis¢ { he became a man, and THE ABSENT-MINDEDNESS OF MR. COMMUTER. enough to keep it in / soon he got so_ that MGMT, 1800, GY KEPPLER & Scomanzuann working order, and by 7 nobody ever took him = ry L and-by he married de | seriously. When he i= i rn signing widow with threc | groaned with the tooth- — ! ae grown daughters. And ache everybody thought — now he is toiling and he was doing it for fun, slaving, grinding out | and when he talked in jokes for the comic pa prayer - meeting they pers, and trying, on a : giggled; when he sent muskrat salary, to grati for the doctor in the fy the sealskin tastes of middle of the night the three extravagant wo . physician suspected a men. That ’s where that practical joke, and let boy is to-day. Charles him suffer; when he ran Augustus 5 for office the public re- Pas PP - Row rad : garded his candidacy as a huge sell, and elected the other fellow. He tried to get into honest SOME PEOPLE seem business several times, p to think they can but always failed because . I I make a_ distinguished nobody would employ jo = . ser rus ed st ee ary vy Now, let y the name for themselves by f ’ 2 — We are geiting near liome I guess I had b him. Nobody would better be getting my packages together Here is that dress goods for Mary the use of a hyphen.” :

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15 Ill ‘And here is that muslin. So far. so jeigdalt wa i, ff good

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HERE ARE some pcople who do as they ] Sec others do, ind these ere worthy people. They may be stud by philosophers as ants and bee are studied, for the pure, intel lectual joy of discoverin hat first set them going’in their un thinking ways. In their lighter m« determine what shall be occasion they determine, with the fixity ar limity of fate, what shall be de rigueur. By theu combined action they give world-wi certain tailors, brewers, historical, gvovadis novel- ym ike last class of celebrity, but ists and such like rude ‘* mechanicals.”” Th their own choice of the the process by which they arriv t a selection is not yet understood by naturalists. After a hundred years they will, by the strict process of imitation, give fame to a good poet, and sacrifice money in the mystic rite of buying copies of his works. These people establish certain odds and ends of knowledge as constituting the proper ‘‘ classical” cur- Virtues, riculum for colleges. They determine what ar and what are Vices. This is easy for them. They de termine what Happiness is. They determine Happiness, * Great Scott! How it is raining! Where is Mks my umbrella? | certain ight it from the You lool} office! By Jingo! I bet I left i eon You tool of those stores when I i 1 these yur- Mr. Commu’ chases! Confound it a Now I ‘il 1 e to left it ir waik a mile home in all this pour the train! WHAT WI ARI ( \ —=ar —s OMING rO, ——— or

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THE CENTURY RIDER. Ww SARS And’ \ / vedals down the street, Oe ae f “wa Vi cam \ isa \\¥ The breezes, saucy rogues, reveal HEN MABEL mounts her shining wheel hp

Doe Her ankles, trim and neat GA } x rhe The roseleaf flushes in her cheeks, \ * : , = = y Ihe little curls escape her cap, one Ser y : eek ~ poe in The bievele is leagued with her ‘sy y 2 When Mabel mounts her shining wheel Dan Cupid sits before, And you and I h rrows feel And other men L SC \ punctured tire arrests her course, lo aid her gallants rus | vow- But punctured hearts, for of het

\. 8p, pee OAM Must mend themselves, | trow

When Mabel mounts her shining wheel With Mabel ‘tis my hope to make A century, I wil Edwin 1. Sabin MANY A young man who has entered on a career has been vlad soon afterward to get a steady job. A THEORY. SHE.— Poor fellow! He oks so perplexed He.—I suppose he wondering why mebody es n't ng ind finish the AN INCIDENT. ‘¢Ha!” she exclaimed. The mask was torn from the face of the man she had loved. t the ball down to second base quite quickly enough. ‘* Cro kery arm!” But he did n’t ge she shrieked, from thi rand stand, and bought peanuts convulsively. Pages A SUGGESTION ADOPTED. I City COUSIN (in a whisper) Cousin Jacob, in polite society we always eat pie Ww 4 RESPONSIVE CHORD. FIRST OFFICE-SEEKER.— Reading a novel? SECOND OFFICE-SEEKER. — Yes; I was attracted by the title, «* Put Yourself In His Place THE BRUTE! Wirk.—I bought a dream book, to-day. HUSBAND.—You used to call them ** cook books.” THE WOULD-BE TOUGH. First ANGEL.—Who is that de jected soul over there ? SECOND ANGEL.—Oh! he was one of the jeunesse dorée, and he ’s terribly humiliated at being let in without question. Il. RE LIGION WITH some people seems to be every church for itself, and Country Cousin (/oudly).—Well, just ou say, Cousin devil takes the hindmost. Mame; but it's mighty inconvenient, / think

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PUCK. PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY. The subscription price of Puck is $5.00 per year. $2.50 for six months. $1.25 for three months. Payable in advance. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN, Publishers and Proprietors. Wednesday, April 27, 1898. No. 1103.

NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS The contents of Puck are protected by spvrig i woth the United States an Great Britaiu Infringement of this copyright will be promptly aud vigorously prosecuted PUCK’S Illustrations can be found only in PUCK’S Publications. CARTOONS AND COMMENTS. A STUDY re RE has been more than enough ink shed in OF YELLOWISM. PUCK wishes Science teaches the abuse of vellow journalism. to shed a little in its praise. us that everything which is has a purpose, and it needs only an ordinarily fair mind to see that yellow journalism has and serves a very useful put pose. For the sake of demonstration we will take the issue of April 7th of the New York Journad. There are other newspapers whose ideal is

quite as yellow as the Journal's; but none of them, we think, exploits th various phenomena of moral inversion quite so ably. The issue named is not above the Journal's standard; but it contains an exposition of the aim and ethics of yellowness, and is thus especially fit. In an article entitled ‘«By Alfred Henry Lewis” we find the following bits What in fairness, is the Journal? It is a well of trutl Its atmosphere is as moral! as the cloister [pi not sensatior Stop where'you are! D« t talk! Proffer your evi« prove y < ad Thus does one note that ‘*‘ yellow journalism’ is the word which the | ed courtesan bestows upon virtue, Cowardice upon Couragé, Slavery upon Freedon he Wicked up the Ge ‘ Now let us reverently penetrate the cloister and hear Virtue, Courage, Freedom and Good putting Vice, Cowardice, Slavery and the Wicked to shame. Here, first. are some further words from ‘* By Alfred Henry Lewis.” It is nota title that brings understanding to the mind, but it plainly is meant to import authority to that which it crowns

Novick TO RASCALS We are very much engrossed with our duty to flog Spair Ihis enterprise of justice hampered by a coward in the White House into whom we are trying to cuff | bit of nd kindle, by earnest kicking, some heat of decent, manly patriotisn McKinle ill obbingly of the horrors of war as a reason for his conduct of a craver 2 after all, is t vthing w nanly notice in McKinley's r rors ot war gumer = <9 ” It i e hoped that we can begin to drub Spa OR SIMPLY RUN A “CHILDREN’S DEPARTMENT.” ARWICK.—Our government Is a littl too conservative. It has n’t enough push and hustle. WICKWIRE.— Why do you think so? n account of its slowness in its dealings

oO vith Spain? WARWICK. No; but it strikes me that even if it did n’t feel justified in getting out a colored supplement with the Congressional . ' Record, it might, at least, give away a col uessing contest ored picture or institute a as to what Congress would do. LOGICAL. ‘¢ Echos my heart to your sweet words,” She cried. Said he: «I follow. The reason ’s plain. Your echoing heart Echos, because it’s hollow.” QUITE LIKELY. ASKINS.—Let me see! Who was it that said that money is n’t everything? GRIMSHAW. sume. BLoop WILL tell, passes a poor relation. Some poor fellow who had none, I pre- though it does sometimes neglect to speak when it MANY 4 man who thinks he is not appreciated is really disappointed because he is not over-estimated. , THE HIGHEST compliment one woman ever pays another is to say that she is ‘* well-preserved.”

PUCK. te spend the billion dollars incident thereunto within a wee} nd Cc re eart y vised against permitti uny horror wling on McK part to intru elf upor programme to shed Spanish blood It might now be thought that the ideal of yellowness had been achieved in showing up the President of the United States as a temptible coward. But not s He is furthe hown to be a scound: who has acted throughout the Cuban affair « onestly, who has used his high office to manipulate the stock-market, who has played upon th sympathies of his countrymen solely with a view to filling his pockets and the pockets of his friends Here are some |} es, reduced in size or fiftieth, that disclose the infamy of which the rnal has found him ¢ MARK r Re LA N AGE | I l = IK \ RI t k 1 I W q ¢ s SI 1¢ ~ The text under these headlines is more specif to the crin charges against the Pr S P VW \ K ( | ' ( r ' ( ] i a ' S . I r Se) W S MeK \\ ~ ri t is interesting to note that \ ow eves Cal two w Ss, as shown by these two remarks, printed t same day \ ‘ Ox 7 | rs ; UW t } \ | A ath ( \icK x sed } nay ficer ‘ h\ ’ n ar | \fter asserting firm, man t s that w hould not have resented Senor Dupuy d Lon ;*remarks t I t, al that we 1 owe him an apology, Virtue hurls one last word at Vice, thereby betray ing a big grief, nobly repressed for tl! publi \ re \ I \ } G f V Who will now sav that vello ournalis has no missior Of es we put no faith in it ert s that Pr dent Mcki s betraying country for mone W “ d ost as on give cred to tl terly absurd 1 t p r of lourna f ( I wrol side of t CK ar ( t co b ! hout i war to send | | j it rt det nonst n how few ellow p ) l DS r n t of th people to ce i Tl , } decent it mak 1C¢ ‘ ? ck t ts r An Americar paper for Amer n peo] It is t admirably fills the humble but necessary office of \

al , ‘ — 7 Thnx ~ i 2 us ty » ¥ ’ “ale iis | (ill 3 <A ai x : 5 M Ai ky ’ | " a) & son HER PREROGATIVE Mrs. JON Y 1 hi Mrs. |} K MW k MR ] S 1 acer [ ¥ tw l I ow no wor AY , f

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CopyvnriGHT, 1808, ay KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. .TER IT’S GOT TO BE SOONER OR L

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=z o a J o = 5) > a o vo = - a z z «“ SOONER.”’ AND IT LOOKS LIKE LATER

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A aah ahh ee ee ey rere, ee ea cacy aes, LOE « a i i ee ee AEE A in tac EE

aw ilies ae mem ~a Ae

A LETTER HOME. (From An Incipient M. D.) DipLOMA-MILL MEDICAL COLLEGE.

MEAR FATHER:

Your cheering letter, containing proceeds of the sale of the hogs, is at hand, and contents noted » ieee with much __ pleasure. Your thoughtfulness enables me to sin ih: procure the copy of Woe Quadis =z and the set of major surgical in- > struments, which I need so much in my practice and studies. If there is any surplus it may procure me the confidence of my landlady for t- . another month or two. | sare In the six weeks I have been here, . | I have learned lots about medicine and surgery. pm After becoming a M. D., one teels quite set apart from the rest of the world. Like belonging < “z < to a lodge, you feel that every one would like to = know what you know; and yet, how simple it all SS is! Did you know that the right name for pare- = goric is, Tinet. Opti. Camphorata? Writing pre- scriptions is better than knowing Greek. Who that is not a M. D. would ever guess that R. Chlor. Sod. et Aq. a dOct. vel Oct’ i. means a pint of salt-and-water? You will be surprised to hear that us doctors no longer think hypnotism a fraud. We have found that it really has \ NEW. SPECIES a therapeutic value. ‘That means that it is just as good as medicine. We claim that if you can only get a patient to be- I wonder ut kit lieve that you can cure him, he will get well. We call it ‘*Sug- Gee! I ‘Il bet it's a cork gestive Therapeutics.” You just look the patient in the eye ind suggest that he is well, and he recovers immediately. But one that it won’t take me half that long to know all about it. It’s a has to go through our college to be able to do it. shame to make us wait so long when we could save After you know how, you can make your so many lives if we were allowed to. patients believe just whatever you want What will old Doctor Lancet do when them to. I am not perfect in it yet, Ha I come home and get started up? for I tried to make my landlady be- a be VY ; Does he ever say anything about it? lieve that it was safe to trust me h ete VA 1 I suspect I shall have to let him for another month’s board, and I have the unimportant cases. H¢ failed. The patient must have can hardly expect people who are confidence in the doctor, how- really sick to come to a back- ever, and that is, perhaps, the number, if an up to-date phy reason | was not successful. : We have found out that ne irly every disease is caused sician is at hand. If any of the folks get sick, telegraph me at once, and | by microbes. We doctors call will send a prescription that will them ‘ bacilli.” Everything straighten them out. And when you eat and drink, and even you write, address your letter to Dr. C. D. Brown, M. D. Don’t forget the M. D. Everybody calls me ** Doc.” now. Yours, Dr. C. D. Brown, M. D. the air you breathe is full of them. It is a wonder how people ever lived before they found this out. You must not drink out of the old spring any LZ \ . ( , more. !t is full of these germs. Ww \) “i _———S— Tell the folks to boil everything . f \ \ they drink, or even my skill HOPE AT LAST. Ry ‘Will nothing move you?” can not save them. Tell Ma to ’ ‘ he asked, piteously. sprinkle the carpets with car- ‘¢Oh, yes!” she replied, cheer- fully; ‘*I have found a truck man who is to come at Six bolic acid, and to wear a sponge soaked in it over her mouth when she sweeps; and don’t fe | o’cleck, to-morrow morning — any of you go into the reom for : : . ‘ ; ; that is, if you can devend on an hour afterward, or you will him.” ’ be in great danger of breathing grea ie 8 Che Harlem husband breath- in germs that will give you ; - , , ed a sigh of relief. some dist ase Don’t kiss the baby, for every THE ACCEPTED TIME. disease you can think of can ‘Pa, can I go to the circus?” be communicated that way. os ee “tees cael iain dad-« You might put a handkerchief PE ct rn: Ranier soaked in ammonia over the : aoe ad baby’s face, and kiss her through that; but be sure to boil the handkerchief first We have discovered over 2,000 to the circus.”

‘Then | ’d better go while I’m _ bad enough to enjoy it, had n’t 1?” = Ss. Fey ~~ | BLUE. kinds of these ‘+ bacilli,” and every When other sons and heirs arrived, COPYRIGHT, 1896, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMA A BARE POSSIBILITY. a rattlesnake. You can’t even be sure \ one of them is more dangerous than He soinewhat sadder grew. — aguely sadder, that is to say, you are safe after boiling everything, Major BLUDGOOD.— Do you know where Cap'n Smith got A sort of a baby-blue. for some of them get livelier the hotter his title, General ? they are. GENERAL HotTstuFF.—No, Maijah, I don't, unless perhaps (CHARITY SHOULD begin at home; I don’t see why they make us attend he got it in thé war; I can't imagine a fellow getting so i but not until the hous« work is college three whole years. I am sure title any other way, suh. done up.

—

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} 4 gz CON

DETERMINED. uDpOCcCK.— Hello! old man. vot in that haversack? JADDOCK.—Three days’ rations. ‘They say the Emperor has offered a reward Huppock. — And in that can- taousand taels to anybedy who can tell him how Ze teen ? hoodooed.” \ VA JADDOCK. Brandy. : MONEY ’s NoT everything, but the things it n’ , Huppock.— And in the knapsack ? . ; worry you. JADDOCK.—Extra clothing, liniments, bandages, toilet articles, and so forth. HUDDOCK. shoe Ss, tow els, But where ’s your gun? JADDOCK.—Alas! they won’t let me take that. Huppock.—What! going to Cuba without a gun? Jappock.—Who said anything about Cuba? Huppock. —Why, I thought the militia had been called out, and you were on your way to the rendezvous? Jappock.— Certainly not. Huppock.—Well, where on earth are you going, n like this? to Wholeblock’s department And I’m takes equipped for a campaig HADDOCK. tore to get a bunch of hairpins for my wife. right this — Down going to tind the counter time Hf it a week. Alex. Ricketts. JOURNALISM. Cuban news come No; only the denial of it. EDITOR. I DITOR. MANAGING TELEGRAPH

yet?

APPROPRIATE. ‘That submarine boat seems to be a success.” “Yes? I colors.” suppose she goes down with flying WAR COLOR. ‘*The war ships have been painted a shade of gray.” ‘ W! f t as na ' Beeman’s Bi 1 ass ’ z D e savs | \ ( 3 > He j jant 3 The z z 7 . oe z Th’ jan'ter uv our flat ; Original z Don't haf t' wash his face 13 e 5a An eeps down in tl e-ment i Is jus’ th’ dandiest p iz He smokes a pipe, an’ run 3 When I get older-er : If I can't be a p'lice-mar « I ‘ll be a jan'ter 3 ; Edwin 1 S z z a ~ Cures Indigestion and Sea-sickness. } 3 All Others Are Imitations. . WOULD LIKE TO KNOW SESTEEEEESEFEEEFEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEESEOES ‘¢ Here is another rumor from China.” ‘What is it?”

“Or. P. J. Lichholf, t f — r 1end- » P : " npvews “4 . dea e Pig 4. an e U. S pont s, _ MULHENS Pe ROPE, - «= NEW YORK, - N 4 Ne %. SN KA eh ee Ee

HE EXPLAINS. ISAACS.— But, if you t'ink der broperty v doul ler value : A enfin PA , sroc in two vears, vot for do vou \v i 7° wee, nation COHENSTEIN Vell, I ; alvays a kind of aant monopolist hey are a com jentos ep yurms ny it g Sau

of Ctinee

undt I don’t vant to grab everyt'ing

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— wate i x at see ee die. lcs Meta ak, an oz ww MM ee eee a i i sy

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‘HENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS, | PAPER WAREHOUSE, 32, 4 and 36 Bleecker } : . w Yor Bi Branch WARsHOUSE i New York .

20 Beekman Stre« All kinds of aper made to order Send $1 25, $2.40. or $3 50 “a Rs : ages . » . hay # superb box of cana THE CHAMPION SPEAKS. IF we understand it aright, the instal. conn PES wane of :, enver or west of New York THE TER‘IER Iam the manager of the French Bull Dog, three spaces down. a ment plan of purchasing means a dollar Suitable for presents. Sample , , a q ; ; ; ay orders solicited. Address, I bring you his challenge for a finish fight down and a dollar whenever you fail to ScRAPPY DAN Ah, g'wan! He not in my class I him to get a } C. F. GUNTHER, Confectioner, dodge the collector.—Roxbury Gazette. 212 State St., Chicago.

“PROTECTION” SOAP.—What is it?—"* couoruces | WittAnD CHEMICAL BARBER. A GERMICIDE FOR MEN AND WOMEN. AN ABSOLUTE CURE FOR PILES,ECZEMA AND ALL SKIN TROUBLES. SEND FOR- CIRCULARS. |

Page 13

Do not let the clerk sell you any other camesa under the name of “Kodak.” There is no odak but the Eastman Kodak. $5.00 to $25.00. rues free at Kodak agencies or by mail, EASTMAN KODAK CO. Rochester, N. Y. Advice to. Consumptives There are three great reme- dies that every person with weak lungs, or with consump- tion itself, should understand. These remedies will cure about every case in its first stages; and many of those more advanced. It is only the most advanced that are hopeless. Even these are wonderfully relieved and life itself greatly prolonged. What are these remedies ? Fresh air, proper food and Scoit’s Emulsion of Cod-Liver Oil with Hypo- : phosphites. Be afraid of ; draughts but not of fresh air. } Eat nutritious food and drink plenty of milk. Do not forget 3 that Scott’s Emulsion is the | oldest, the most thoroughly , PATRONIZE AMERICAN INDUSTRIES WEAR KNON’S HATS MADE BY AMERICAN LABOR | | Baltimore The Purest Type over for yez She say Druggists specialty of Cafe and Stocks of fine supplies Hunter ALL IMPORTED TOBACCO. HIGHEST IN PRIGE, FINEST IN QUALITY. 25c. a Bunale, ro im Bundle. Trial Package in Pouch by mail for 25c. H. ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. THE AMERICAN TOBACCO CO., Successor

Rye Is the Favorite

of the Purest Whiskey.

HE WANTED TO S. MCLUBBERTY Here some pills, M Mr Hog 4 ifther BBERTY h Be ora, did she say which

Natural Sparkling

NEST PRODUCED RICA dirbana Wine Qo. Urbana, RN. Y. ocktails with Abbott's Angos- ike them now. The Bittersare (,rocers ‘ i SENT ON RECEIPr SEN SEN ( Co. OF 5 ALL n STAMP

Pee cf

Bi! 20MBres U.S.A.

Our Price is the Highest. Perry

PNEUMATIC BICYCLE SADDI ES ell for from $1 to $2 more than other : 1 They cost the diff to make and ure worth i Send for “Saddle | cphy,’ ind have it proven to you. No matter what saddie y ru are iding, we want you to ride the “Perry” for two v It won’t cost you a cent, ind you needn’t | the sacdl in ‘1 thot ye in’t get along with Ss aa nether you are small, medium or large, and we | end saddle | l,and after two weeks’ trial | if you are dissatisfied return the saddle, ind v l refund the gt HARRIS TOY CO, D fo, | DEER PARK HOTEL. “ON THE CREST OF THE ALLEGHENIES” DEER PARK, MARYLAND. RENT fe the season from "ie [st rhese tt ~ pm { rt usek " e if : } = at te iS $4, giving an idea wl Several desirable tag FOR JONES, Manager

‘BREATH PERFUME, DEALERS

P ROC

Page 14

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Quepir ond a | Runnymede Ciub Za , cs) Whisk 2 ONE THIRD | y PS of a Cent! IS BOTTLED IN BOND UNDER DIRECT SUPER- ~~ _* VISION OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERN- Cheap P= MENT, GUARANTEEING THE AGE AND

| ABSOLUTE PURITY, AS CERTIFIED BY THE Isnt it? f | GOVERNMENT STAMP ON EACH BOTTLE. : MAKES ADULTERATION IMPOSSIBLE. or ' IT IS OBTAINABLE FROM ALL RELIABLE DEAL- SURBRUGS nna SME. $= ERS WHEREVER THE BEST WHISKIES ARE SOLD. § ¢ ALL OVER THE U. S. m IF NOT AT YOUR DEALER'S, WRITE TO US. SR US ee. R. F. BALKE & CO., Orde YN ' —" a DISTILLERS AND BOTTLERS IN BOND. Louisville,Kentucky,U.S.A TUdC: : “Se3 are attachin entlemen to th , WHEN people listen attentively to a A BLISSFUL SUPPOSITION. trousers, will chegneen and ae story of a man’s wrongs, it indicates that ‘¢ Mistuh Pinkley,” said) Miss Miami they are wondering what the other side Brown, ** does you know whut a bird of WON-ELASTIC, YET PERFECTLY ELASTIC. of the story sounds like. Atchison Paradise is? A Péseten? Suctt tivet , , seg get . ° aradox? Just investigate Globe. ‘* Well, was the re ply, ** of co’se I the ‘‘ graduated” cord omg does n’t know foh sure. But when I —_— STANDARD HUMAN nature is about as sure to sits ter de nex’ worl’ I would n’ be a bit fe ba my whe ‘Endwell, Manta fe . . P > s JOS ic € wdel t PRICES | crop out in a collection as it is in a horse supprize’ to discuvah dat it was a Spring C.-S.-C.”"for2sc. Scarf fastenerfree, foryourf trade.—Ram’s Horn. | ds %., 20 ashing ate Mlinas nisher’s name ifhe does not keep “‘ Endwell Brace : CHESTER SUSPENDER CO., No. 4 Decatur Ave., Roxbury Crossing, Mas ee a ee ae ee | CRESC { BOOT JACK: Professional ; |= —~ men finding it desirable to use ays P S 4 BICY S | _chewing tobacco moderately are roper CATVCS It FOR WELL DRESSED MEN requested to try this brand. is a gentleman’s luxury. SOE VERYWHERE ag i pa3-F or the return of 36 silver paper strips from 5 cent cuts of Boot Jack, we will O BACCO send to any address free of charge a hand- More of them sold than any other. some aluminum pocket case for tobacco. There must be a good reason for this | JOHN FINZER & BROS., Manufacturers when the same condition prevails every ( Ost L jEST U Ss E ; Louisville, Ky.

= )

= es AL Sie dae. an 4s : SSE as 900 S000 900 SS 090 HM Price and Quality Guaranteed. ; “| - Art Catalogue with “ Care of the Wheel" FREE WESTERN WHEEL WORKS CHICAGO Makers New YORK

‘Do You IKE Ye ae: i poe fs MNEs Ag ne. « >= a The reputation attained by our famous clocks and watches finds the same degree of perfection in our world renowned cycles Qur ’98 Men's and Women's models are worthy of their praises OWIARE 5 Made by THE E.HOWARD WATCH j Cock Co BOSTON ---- NEW YORK Art Bookic ieee ae) Aen Cerna osx

THE =

LOOKING AHEAD. Tommy.—I got to go to work in a noffice nex’ week, an’ vou bet I’m goin’ to lay in a couple o’ boxes o’ dat PEARLINE! BILLY.—G' wan! What good’l! dat do ye? Tommy.—Ah! didn’t I hear me pace “+ say yistiday dat it was de greates’ stuff in de worl’ to save w« ! onati on — BILL. — How long was your frie! Produce each a disease a Aicohol, having definite pacoele the artist. working on that canvas: gy. The disease yields an pte ye a ©pium easily to the Double a oint e ens Jiut Fight yea I k him ’ months to paint it and seven years Chloride of Gold Treat- Tobacco Fag Nn wera Luxurious Writing! H. HEWITT’S PATENT. a half trying to sell it.— Yonkers Stal $ Using we White Plains, N. Y., or ( Suitable for writing in every position; glide over man, 358 Magara St. ,» Buffalo, any paper; never scratch nor spurt. ( 5 bes or o stive organs Made of the finest Sheffield rolled steel, BALL-PornTEI ante wh mag ate ag hy Sart "An

Communications Sintdential. Write for particulars. peus are more durable and are ahead of all others tura Bitters. Try it. BSE ee | See scr, FOR EASY WRITING. ae ' iis saint "pen $1.20 per box of I gross. Assorted sample box of 24 pens for| Vim GOUT 3 RHEUMATISM 25 cts., post free from all stationers, ov wholesale of = Great English Remedy 2 | Hl. BainnRipGR & Co., 99 William St.. Epwanp Kirton. 48 John St. ; B ARAL | a | Rik ND peBALL- POINTED Tours MFG. CO., 7 renivas, How Tort BLAIR’S PILLS 7 +.B Laprtscorr & Co., 7 : Marker Stre et es adeiphia . METAL, POLISH—Sure, Quick. nied mana bor te at 5) Hoorprr, Lewis & Co., 8 MIIk Street, Bo Safe, Sure, Effective. 50c. & dS durable lustre, we ‘Spoils; uaran pound x at > A.C. MeCiure & Co., 117 Wabash a Chicag J ; “iii ers, G.W Garr lad. } Brown Bros., Lim., 68 King Street Toronte, SRUSSISTS, or oe William 8t.. 5. ¥.

Page 15

i ae: leir se. om UM i »* an - <# OL OLE OI TOILE I OOOO EOL LILI OL CLO OL OMe eeee , Sreruruse’ okie cE

Yachtsman may have his favorite bottle with him always by ordering a supply of Evans’ Ale and can rest content that neither tide, wind or waves can disturb his pleasure It is the Only Ale Always Ready for use, and the only ale en- tirely free from sediment. Any dealer will supply it. QOCO OO OOOO OQOOOO0O NTED & 9 MURAT HALSTEAD'S GREAT CUBA BooK. © Oa about ain isaster;and War; aaa excitement; everyone buys it;one agent sold 87 in one day; another made $13.00 in one hour. 600 pages; magnificent illustrations; photographs, etc. O low price; we guarantee the most liberal ter ms; O freight paid; 20 days credit;outtit free; send 10 two- ‘Oo cent stumps to pay postage OTHE BIBLE HOUSE, $2 Dearborn St., CHTCAGO.O OOOOCOOOO0000 DRINKING never hurt a stingy man Atchi- é gi Be VE i hid CATALOGUE “free =_— any COLUMBIA dealer. or by mail for one 2 cent stamp » Kani BOKER’S_BITTERS an appetizer, promensa ¢ gestion, cures dyspepsia, and delicious in drinks, YRONT, 1698, BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANA

UNWARRANTED DISTRUST First OFFrice Boy.— De old cliap I work fer is de most suspicious «1 xiger I ever seen SECOND OFFICE Boy who has dropped in .—I1s he e€ Sale FIkST OFFICE Boy —Yes I've been here t'ree weeks - Xe by aman Spring 13

’ RESTAURANTS.6 CAFES

ai without a cond poqmont Swell °98 Bicy- eles, $14 t 7.40. 12.000 on hand for im J trade. 600 SHOPWORN and used heels, 68 to $12. BICYCLE FREE for a little work in your locality. Special ion to early applicants. E OFFER THIS WEEK — 100 New ’97 Boye’ 1d Girls’ Wheels, M. & W. Tires, 69.75 e and information free. G. B. MEAD & PRENTISS,

” Our idea of a good time is to sce an elocutionist who thinks she can work the goose flesh on an audience, forget her lines and break down. — A fchison Gi | | Dry Champagnes are all the rage; those wh prefer them should try C k's Imperia It 's ex | tra dry and very fruity

Bevel-Gear Chainless Bicycles $125 roau ZuKe. a The Crowning Triumph The NEWEST Bicycle of a long and successful care with the OLDEST name. THE NEW MODELS of the Columbia Chain Wheels, $75 a Hartford Bicycles, - 50 ' Remin ton Vedette Bicycles, $40 & 35 a Standard Typewriter. Machines and Prices ies theese Dems Guaranteed. ™m ade bett “ r yet m3 WYCKOFP, SEAMANS & BENEDICT POPE MFG. CO 327 Broadway, New York Hartford, Conn writer

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT Constal bRCo. OF THE awarv on GILLOTT’S PENS Men’s Wear. AT THE CHICAGO EXPOSITION. Bidine end D

AWARD: “For excellence of steel used Fancy H in their manufacture, it being fine grained and elastic ; superior workmanship, especially shown Dre Ss I , WM by the careful grinding which leaves the pens fr-e from defects. The tempering is excellent i , ant and the action of the finished pens perfect.” Martin » l mbre ilas. Approved; Jonny Borp THacHer, Chairman Exec. Com. on Awards. a7 2 c C; 19th at. BRASS BAND | NEW YORK. Instruments, Drums Uniforms, Equip ments for Bands and Drum Corps. Low- est prices ever quoted. Fine Catalog, 400 | . “ Illustrations, mailed free; it gives Band \N INTER} EETI Music & Instructions for Amateur Bands ‘What did vou cu tt LYON& HEALY, 3i Adams St.,Chicago. Nothir We just talke

This Business Advertises Itseif. One of the unique features of the New York Central’s “Lake Shore Limited” is the fact that it advertises itselt. The magnificence of the service and completeness of detail makes every patron an advertiser of its merits. It is estimated that every person who travels by this train brings at least a dozen new patrons. “The Lake Shore Limited” leaves Grand Central Station, New York, every after- noon at 5.00, and arrives Chicago, via Lake Shore & Michigan Southern Railway the next afternoon at 4.00. Returning, leaves Chicago 5.30 P. M. each day, arrives New York 6.30 next afternoon.

Page 16

I i Tapas The Queen of Hearts, She made some starts, But could n't get away ; And those who laughed, She called upstarts, And thought what she dare n't say. Little Bo Peep, She lost no sleep O’er any high-geared tandem ; She let 'em alone To pedal her home, Then gave 'em a drink and fanned ‘em. Wood Levette Wilson. ; wee Miss MUFFET Concluded to bluff it, So in bloomers she left her abode ; Along came a flyer, And then she went higher For wings, as she no longer rode. To market, to market, And dodge a road hog; In the ditch, over ruts, Jog-ety-jog. Little Jack Scorcher Sat on a porch a- Swearing at his punctured tire; Then he put in a plug Snug 's a bug in a rug, And once more the road set on fire. There was a man in our town, And he was wondrous wise; He bought himself a Just-as-good, And thought he had a prize. When from the wreck he cleared himself, With all his might and main He swore and swore, but could n't get His money back again. COPYRIGHT 1696 BY KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN