Puck 1887-08-03: Vol 21 Iss 543

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NEW YORK, AUGUST 3, 1887. PRICE, TEN CENTS. oe aa. ‘ Gs : KS x \ SN ee —— .--£ a ~ ~ en Te a tals be)” £ Se ae ~~ ¥ =. oan FE rene Romeo en ne iS eae VN > ath © n pene — - a4 . - KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN, Publishers. oe TRADE MARK REGISTERED 1878. PUCK BUILDING, Cor. Houston & Mulberry Sts. ENTERED AT THE POST OFFICE AT NEW YORK, AND ADMITTED FOR TRANSMISSION THROUGH THE MAILS AT SECOND CLASS RATES. ! “SPOTS ON THE SUN.”

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| | i orem 366 PUCK. PUCK, PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY, Srom the PUCK BUILDING, New York. Publishers and Proprietors, - Foseph Keppler. A. Schwarzmann, Lditor, H. C. Bunner. Wednesday, August 3rd, 1887.—No. 543. CARTOONS AND COMMENTS. r 1s rather difficult to picture to one’s self the intellectual life of an in- | veterate reader of the New York 7rzbune. How does he manage to exist among men of the nineteenth century? How does he exchange ideas with his fellows? Let us try to fancy in what a world of extrava- gant unrealities he lives. Of the actual condition of his country, of the opinions of other citizens, of the character of the men who compose the national government—of all these things he knows absolutely nothing. For instance, three years ago he believed for weeks that a certain man was the President-elect, when a certain very different man enjoyed that honor, beyond all question, And when his chosen journal at last told him that it had deceived him, why, it made no difference to the invet- erate reader. He went right on believing all it said, and living in the gloom of its profuse and variegated mendacity. * * * Just think of what that poor devil believes as to public matters. He thinks that the President of the United States is of a character so vile and vicious that history scarcely furnishes a parallel for it. He believes that this monster lives only to revive the Southern Confederacy and to betray the Union into the hands of the “‘copperheads” of 1861. He believes that these copperheads are still living, in the vigorous prime of life. He has had to believe—perhaps believes still—that the President is in a deep and dark conspiracy to place Southern men in power, and to in- flict every possible wrong and indignity upon all loyal citizens of the North—especially upon the veterans of the Civil War. Yes, he really be- lieves all this, although he must know—he can not be wholly shut out from other sources of information—that this same President has been all his life, until he went to Albany to act as Governor of the State of New York, an esteemed citizen of Buffalo, N. Y.; that he does not even know what the South looks like, and that by birth, breeding, education and every association of life he is a Northern man, * : * A man must be a fool to believe such things, you say? Well, it looks a good deal that way. But a man may be quite sensible and fair and honest in all other affairs of life, and yet be an irrational, disingenu- ous fanatic in politics or in religion. The 7rzbune reader believes all this nonsense—or makes believe to believe it—because he wishes to. He has been disappointed in the game of politics; aman has been elected who was not his choice, and he is trying to make himself think that his duty lies in opposing the will of a majority of his fellow-citizens. He does not care to take the trouble to find out whether they were not right and he wrong. He only seeks an angry man’s revenge, and he will do anything, say anything, believe anvthing to ease his irritated mind and keep alive in it the idea that he was right and his opponents were wholly wrong. It would be a curious experiment to isolate a 7rzbune reader for a few months—long enough to let his brain recover, in some measure, its normal functions—and then to lay before him the unimpeachable statistics which would show him that the President elected in November, 1884, had proved an excellent, faithful, sensible, honest, patriotic public officer. He is not, like the defeated candidate, a great and perfect genius, a hero, an un- equalled statesman and a plumed knight; but he is a good President. The worst that can be brought against his administration is that he has made some unfortunate appointments to minor offices; of these the most have heen made at the instance of one shrewd, specious, plausible poli- tician of the unscrupulous sort—Arthur P. Gorman. That President Cleveland should listen to this man is much to be regretted. That his having been deceived by Gorman gives anyone a right to question his honesty of purpose mot even a 7rzbune reader would assert, if he made even the slightest investigation with a view of finding out the truth. It is with pleasure that we submit to our readers the following list of direct answers to Puck’s appeal in behalf of the children of the city- bound poor: Previously acknowledged, $206.00. Beo der Butz, N. Y., $5.00; Seven Read- ers, N. Y., 35 cents; El. de Coppet, Narragansett Pier, $100.00; Ab’m Mills, East Hampton, $25.00; C., Providence, R. I., $3.00; W. F. Ustick, Maple Beach, N. Y., $3.00; Dr. F. C. Van Vliet, Shrewsbury, N. J., $3.00; S. G. Bayne, Bradford, Pa., $75.00; A Friend, Cohoes, N. Y., $5.00; Anonymous, Marlboro’, $3.00. Total to date, $428.35. Mr. S. G. Bayne, sending $75, says: ‘If you prefer it, you can use this as a starting subscription to a ‘ Puck’s Readers’ Fund’ for sending out a St. John’s Guild Excursion.” What do Puck’s readers think of the suggestion? $175 more would be needed for the purpose. * * * Our friends may wish to know exactly what the Guild does for the poor. Each excursion on the Floating Hospital, a large, clean, comfort- able steamer, takes from 1,000 to 1,400 mothers and children down New York Bay to a point opposite the Guild’s Nursery, near New Dorp, Staten Island. In this Nursery extreme cases of illness are cared for. Tickets to the excursions are freely distributed in the poor quarters of the town. Any dispensary physician will examine a sick child free of charge, and will, if the case warrants it, fill up the blanks on the ticket and certify that the child’s ailment is not of a contagious character. A staff of com- petent physicians accompanies each excursion. The mothers and children are well fed on the boat, and many a feeble, flickering young life is saved ‘by a day in the pure salt air. * * * The energetic gentleman who has charge of this work states his case with a hearty eloquence upon which we can not improve. ‘‘ What,” he asks: ‘‘is the most helpless thing on the earth? A baby. Now if you can refine that idea of helplessness, it’s a sick baby. Yow can tell the doctor what ’s the matter with you. But the baby can’t. The baby can only cry. There you have before you the visible image of utter helpless- ness. Now, what does a sick baby in a New York tenement in the sum- mer want most of all? Air! Fresh air! Ozone! ‘That’s what these babies are dying for. Why, three weeks ago I got down to the wharf, and I found a woman there with a baby that the doctors were afraid to take on board—it was so near to death. It looked as if it was going to die there, on the dock, and the mother was crying. * * * “They referred the case to me. I said: ‘If it goes back, it will gasp out its life in a rear tenement ??—‘ Yes,’—‘ And if we take it, there ’s just a faint, slight chance that it may pull through ??—“* Just a possible chance,’ —‘ Well, then, we ’Il take that possible chance. That ’s what we’re here for—to save that baby! That’s what kind-hearted people are sending us money for! That ’s what God sends His life-giving ozone over three thousand miles of Atlantic Ocean for! Well take that chance.’ And, gentlemen, I saw that baby when I was down at the Nursery on my last trip, and it ’s doing well—it ’s going to live!’’ We again inquire: what do Puck’s readers think of Mr. Bayne’s suggestion? We have discovered, with regret, that a trifling error has been made in the transfer of our Mipsummer Puck Prize Puzzle to the engraver’s plate, by which one section has been duplicated. The head thus wronged is composed of Nos. 45, 15, 66—which will be accepted as correct in spite of its disfigurement. Of course we do not count our own error against our puzzled readers. A POINTED PROTEST.

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A SPRING POEM. - was McNulty’s royal goat Went forth to sniff the air; And he bucked the buzz-saw in Murphy’s Mill, And he left his two horns there. And great was McNulty’s manly grief, When he saw his royal goat; And the tear was in his bright blue eye, And the husk was in his throat. But he was a man of quick device, As well as a tender heart; And he knew that a part of his house was built From the wreck of a C-spring cart. [’Twas the lordliest house on all Goat Hill, And was pitched without with tar, And some of the wood from the ship-yard came ; And the top of Maginnis’s bar It made the roof of the balcony, Which had once been a bob-tail car. ] And McNulty he took those two C-springs And he riveted them like sin To the two little bare, defenceless stumps Where the horns of his goat had been. For he thotight: ‘The pride of all Goat Hill Shall allow no goat to strut And wag a derisive alien tail, * Without a protesting butt.” And he put it thus: ‘ Ye ’re a gawt agin— Gwan an’ butt Clancy’s gawt!” And thus in direct and simple phrase Was clothed a noble thought. * * *” Th: McNulty goat went forth to butt, With his brand new C-spring horns; And he knew no more of tensile reaction and textile strain and the arc of the parabola and trajectories and things than the che- rubim know of corns. * * * And he met the goat that Clancy kept, Far down in the woodbine lane; And he went for the goat that Clancy kept, With the most of his might and main, And the goat of the Herr von Clancy set His spine against a rock; And lowered his simple, natural horns, To await the coming shock. * * * There ’s a trace of goat in the heart of that rock Which beholders view with awe; te * % And a flying goat, going backwards West Has been seen over Omaha. 367 DEVOTION TO AN IDEAL. | KNOW A WOFUL tale of Cat— A tale of deeply brindled woe And if you drop a tear thereat, *T will prove that I can make it go. A young man near my humble cot Plays on the low harmonicon; All through summer evenings hot He plays and plays and then plays on, And as he played, my Thomas cat Would listen—’twas in years gone by— Would listen, with his ears laid flat, And love-light kindling in his eye. He thought it was a feline voice, Of some Maria in the spheres; And that is why he would rejoice, And horizontal lay his ears. He pined for her who never lived ; He pined, and of the pine he died; His soul to Death he gently gived, With just one sigh unsatished. He died. Beside my neighbor’s door One eve | placed my wasted pet— I wail a cat who wails no more— But the harmonicon wails yet.

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Miss Brown.—Those Jones girls seem to do noth- ing but exhibit themselves here. I’ve seen them when- ever I’ve been down this week—eleven times, I think. Carrit.—Oh, I do hope Mr. Poodle will bring the favors for our german! I’ve come on purpose to meet him. Kare.—It’s not a very brilliant scheme to order them by a young man who isn’t invited. I would n’t bring them if I were in his place, I’m sure. Mitty.—No, indeed! Now, I was wiser than that. I ordered those for the last german by a young man who thought he was gozng to be in- vited—but was n’t! SHarp Lanpiorp (fo Runner).—Patrick, mind what you’re about! If there ’s a lot of young fellows aboard, yell ‘‘ Family Hotel!” and “‘Quietest Place on the Beach!” till you ’re fit to split, for they ’ll think all the girls Il be there, certain; but, if there are more middle-aged parties, spread yourself on the bar and billiard-room, Seconp SHarp Lanptorp.—Mike, you know the house is half empty. Well, wear your badge conspicu- once | pe

ous, have some of the boys round you when she lands and tell ’em we have n’t a room to spare and a (Waves handkerchief, v 2) and smiles beamingly. )— \ Goodness, I do hope none of these gossiping old maids will hint anything to him about Mr. Masher! He ’d be just raving if he knew. (Rushes forward. ) Oh, George, dear! Encacep Person (on boat).—Yes; that’s Molly! (Lifts and flour- ishes hat, bows devotedly.) What an ass I was not to persuade Minnie to wait aweek! If she gets here before Molly leaves, I’m done for on both sides of the house. (/eets Mouty’s rush half-way.) Oh, Molly, darling! [Landing takes place amid general excitement. | Cuorus.—What do you think of the girl in yellow? Slack away that head-line, some of you! If I had such legs I’d never wear Knicker- bockers while I retained my reason, That old boy in the Panama is worth a million. Rustle out those boxes of eggs lively, now—they ’re at own- er’s risk! All aboard for Hotel Thalatta—free coach! Get off my toes! Step over there, sir—green barge with a nigger driver. Oh, Sophie, I’m awfully glad to see you! Checks? All right. You ’ll have to stack those eighteen trunks of yourn on the lawn, mum —no room in the house. If that is n’t Miss Amoureuse, I’m mistaken! I thought she ’d gone into a nunnery, or something. Well, old chappie, how ’s life? You ’l!l be nicely accommodated at Mrs. Squeezer’s; only four cots to the room there. Why didn’t you bring down those mosquito nettings, John? Harry, the governor says you can’t draw on him any more, Why, Alice, you old splendid! Clams six times a week and baked blue fish on Sunday— better try the other house. [And so on till the pier ts cleared. |

Manley H. Pike.

LE

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SONG OF THE SEA-SIDE BELLE. The complaint is more general than ever that there are no men at the sea-side resorts.—Current Item. H! For a sight in this age effete For the eyes of the feminine clan, Of that well-nigh extinct and obsolete But innocent biped—man! Those traditional myths, once common as Smiths, That belonged to the genus Man! They ’ve become extinct like the mastodon, In Pre-Adamite distance they fade, But in olden time, so the histories run, The man was the slave of the maid; In that ancient day, historians say, The man used to worship the maid. But I fear that the species is fading away; It is fading away like a dream; It will shortly become, so the maidens all say, A mere archeological theme. No blushes, no smiles, no flirting, no wiles— A mere antiquarian theme. And so we sigh in this age effete, To gladden the eyes of our clan, For the sight of that fading and obsolete But innocuous biped—man; Those traditional myths, once common as Smiths, That belonged to the genus Man! S. W. Foss. THE C. G. Y THIS TIME the new settler in New Jersey thinks that he has got the Commuter’s Glare down fine; but he has’nt. What is the Commuter’s Glare? Come hither, friend, and stand here in the ferry-house where we may watch the people filing through the narrow alleys past the ticket- takers’ windows. This is rare sport, for you shall see the fat old lady who thinks she is late for the train when she is just one hour and forty- seven minutes ahead of time; and you shall see the wicked boy, whose head just comes up to the window, and who crouches down low and skims through free in the old lady’s wake. Now mark the folk as they go through that alley. Here comes the mother of six children. She comes a-zoonin’, and she would go clean through the ferry-house if the ticket - taker did n’t stop her. Then she fishes out an old leather purse, and keeps a line of seventeen hurrying people stretched out behind her while she tries to make change. Never mind her. ‘The people in her rear will pay her all the attention she needs. Hear the pretty cuss-word! How it rip- ples on the sultry air! Ah, here is our meat! Here comes a young man who holds up a nice, clean, new commu- tation-card. He holds it up as if it were a banner for a politi- cal parade. He lingers a mo- ment to be sure that the ticket- taker has seen it. He seems to expect that the ticket - taker will nod, or say “‘all right,” or take notice of him in some way. But there is no more nod about the ticket - taker than there is about the Sphynx. The young man goes on, in a doubt ful, disappointed way. That is a new—a very new commuter. Now here comes one who is not quite so new. He is just in his novitiate, and® he is ac- quiring confidence. He shows his card, but only in an off- hand, airy way, with a confi- McManan.—J-Julie! Mrs. McManan.—J-John! THEIR FIRST BATH. McManan.—D’ yez know the feelin’ 0’ thot? Mrs. McMauan.—It’s like a watherin’-pot, it is! the Interstate Commerce Bill McManan.—G’lang wid yez! It’s like phin Mulholleran, th’ gang- PUCK. 369 skims lightly through the alley. He is proud now; but in another week his pride will be brought low, for he will be even as this wretch who now advances with an agon- ized assumption of ease, like unto a man whose shoes are too tight and whose best girl is look- — ing at him. This is the half-fledged commuter. This is he who has concluded that the ticket - taker must Y/) : ages know him by this time, QZ2)”}'—’!H[DX- and who has taken the i GEA (ZG plunge, and has resolved Yj | Y not to show his ticket, _Z WY iV, Oh, see him! Semen caw {| He has an ingenuous | mf ] \\ | flush upon his face. His [| a | \ acAll eyes are set straight I \) ahead. His neck is so stiff that you would think ON ’CHANGE. he had two sore throats, one in front and one be- Brapssy.—Say, old man; heard the hind. He makes a wild new ‘*Boulanger March?” J7’ll whistle dive for the alley. He it for you! (deg7ns. ) has passed the awful win- FURLONG (with an ear for music ).— dow—no, see him shiver Is that it? an” waver. A ferry-boat Brapssy (between puffs).—Yes! has just slammed into the Furtonc.—I should think the poor fel- slip with a bump that low would march! shakes all West Street. He thinks it is the ticket-taker rapping on the window-ledge to call him back—to expose him before all the people. He feels a bitter brief moment of abasement and mortification. All these two-cent people—these common casuals—these poor folk who stare with awe at the freedom of the com- muter—they will all witness his shame. The ticket-taker will say ‘‘I do not know you—show your ticket!” And the dark waters of humiliation will go over his head. No —out of the corner of his eve he sees the ticket-taker, cold, icy, impassive. He has passed unheeded as a summer fly. He emerges from the alley into the waiting-room, with a shaky step, and sits down to wipe the perspiration from his face. It was a wasted agony, young man. That ticket-taker knew you the second day that you showed him your commutation card. He could pick you out of the crowd. He has been enjoying the show you have ; given. He has had real fun, down in his soul. And now you may sit down and see the real com- muter do it. Here he comes. He walks with the steady march of Fate. He has just two seconds in which to catch the boat—but he will catch it. He slackens not nor hastens. Past the window he goes, firm steady, looking proudly ahead. You see his clear eye set on va- cancy. You do not know that in reality his visual angle just takes in the ticket-taker —that from somewhere back in the tangles of his retina a little flash of recognition strikes forth and catches a simultancous flash from the official in an electric shock o* greeting. ‘To you he is as the president of the road; and the populace stares and admires. The emigrant family, waiting for the western train, thinks that he must be the Emperor of the United States. And the aged Methodist minister, who has been all the afternoon bucking the company for a free pass, makes up his aged mind that can be got around, somehow. And that is the Commuter’s dential, how-are-you-old-boy ? nod to the ticket-taker, as he boss, pits on th’ fan-blower bechune th’ shaft an’ th’ headin’ in th’ aque- dooct. Do it some more, ’r Oi ’ll have yez excommycuted ! Glare.

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370 PUCK. MOCK TURTLE SOUP. N ADMIRATION FOR magazines is implanted in the breast of sneering, A irreverent man. Besides what they are of good, magazines are the white cravats of respectability and importance. Two monthlies on a man’s table mark him as a thinker; let him add a quarterly, and give out the impression that he is keeping the record of a rain gauge, and he will be (almost) voted into the Academy. The magazines for August, 1887, are out, read and digested. Think- ers are full of unrest. They have no thought-food for their thoughtful- ness; no thought-work for their thought - power. Following the figure which represents them as be- ing destitute of thought-food, we state our purpose to give maga- zine-readers an intermediate lunch. Not a lunch of the real things, the real magazine articles to which they are accustomed (we are only hu- man); but a slight repast of imi- tation viands with chemical wines, which may not prove altogether un- acceptable. First we will have that ever enjoyable dish—biography : THe Wasuincton Famity IN ENGLAND. When Hengist and Horsa first descended from their stormy north- ern seas upon the “‘ right little, tight little island,” it could not have been without a certain swelling of the heart and a certain exultation of mind that they turned the prows of their ancient but serviceable craft into the estuary which now forms the ample bay of Dorchester- upon-Tyne. The reader must not imagine the introduction of Heuagist and Horsa to portend the presentation of that pair as the progenitors of the Washington family — not at all. They are introduced because maga- zine writers have a “‘ready wing which carries them over all the rich fields of human knowledge.” The above is ‘‘ready-wing” literature. After a brilliant flight through the rest of the encyclo- peedia, the writer casually alights on the Wash- ington Family in England, locates them all in the Peerage, and introduces a cut of the ‘‘old home.” The cut, which is true to life, repre- sents the house where Burns, Lincoln, Webster and Roscoe Conkling were born, and seems to be looking about the same. Concerning the first building of this mansion, the writer advances the following plausible theory : Washington’s great-great-grandfather little thought when the stout yeomen laid the corner yule-log of this modest edifice, that in that very home would be born the great-grandfather of one who in a new world would be known as the Father of his Country. There are ten more splendid pages. They show that the writer possesses a “‘strong vigor- ous grasp, coupled with great delicacy of touch and consummate ease of expression.” The necessary amount of ‘‘indefinable humor”? is evinced in a very original and quaint description of the amusing calls of the hackmen at the sta- tion at Dorchester-upon-Tyne. ‘There is also a guide who “seems like one of Dickens’s inimita- ble creations in low life.” ‘The writer caps the article off in the usual way by meeting Emerson on his way home. We next have a whirl at Art. nave—that ’s it! Porrery Amonc THE Romans, When Giacomo de Juez, in the middle of the 14th century, mur- mured his memorable dying wish that when his spirit should go forth into the unknown, his mortal ashes might repose in a Roman cinerary urn, he only expressed in beautiful—¢. ¢., magazine—language a feeling which, so far from being extraordinary, is found in every age and clime; in every country and among every condition of people. And yet it is only within SHOCKING REPORT. Guitecess Country Lap (fingering trigger with his tce).—Mister, have you heard the latest report? SrortsMman.—No, What is it? G. C. L. (who has “business elsewhere” ).—Now you the past two hundred years that this feeling has gained sufficient force to make itself felt among the art-productions of contemporaneous generations, So that, while among the Romans there is a lack of distinctive Latin traits, there is, it must be admitted, a subtlety of touch—we had almost said grasp—which would now be sought in vain, even in the past. Apropos, Basileus tells us in a charming little anecdote, that when Pliny first ventured into literary circles he drank to the success of his “Sophocles” from a pocket-flask (ocudus) about the size of a modern bottle. We furnish the above as ‘‘the light, easy, graceful and withal schol- arly style which seems to take us \ ith the writer in his delightful incursions into the ruins of ancient Roma.” We should be glad to give the article in full, but space forbids and hurries us on to that fascinating part of a magazine generally labeled **THe Eprror’s Vest Pocket.” A very dear clerical friend sends us the fol- lowing: Elder C of M., who a few years ago was guite noted for the advanced position he took on the question of Spring Conference meetings, was always possessed of a sharp tongue and a wonder- ful power of retort. Perhaps there is no better instance of this than is narrated in the following characteristic anecdote, which was given by an eye-witness for whose integrity we can vouch. When C was on the circuit in the south- west, it happened that he one day filled the pulpit of a brother clergyman in the town of L . He was about half-way through one of his timely and pertinent inquiries into the character of the an- cient Pharisees when a hardly-suppressed titter broke out in the rear of the sacred edifice. “‘ Wha haud ye, mon?” sternly inquired C , who al- ways spoke with a strong Scotch accent: “‘wha glaikit?” No reply, and C continued his dis- course. Again the noise broke out— We break the anecdote in two here in order to al- low the reader to get a drink and attend election. —the noise broke out, and this time C detected the cause: a lad on one of the back seats was mimicking him. C feigned not to see this, but a moment after, when the church had become quiet, he said, with a sharp twinkle in his sparkling gray eyes, as he fixed them on the trem- bling culprit: ‘‘ Aweel, mon, canna ye be stillit ?” It may be well imagined that such a retort is still re- membered of eccentric and humorous old Dr. C . We have no doubt ma- terially lessened the keen enjoyment that might have been found in this story by neglecting to inform the reader at first that the old man was really eccentric, and that, as a matter of fact, he possessed actual humor, A friend of the Vest Pocket, traveling in Eng- land, sends us the following from a tombstone in Shoe- buryness: Here ’s me and fam’ly quite laconic, Brought here by Mrs. Gingham’s tonic. If we hadn’t stuck to Yours for Health, We wouldn’t been here till August twelfth. Williston Fish. CHIEF OF DIVISION in the ‘Treasury Department has recommended for dismissal one of his clerks who bathed his feet in the office wash- bowl. Let this partisanship stop. If a Washington man can be induced to ablute, reverse the Capitol dome for him, if necessary. HE CLOUD OF Dust, mingled with odor-of-garlic, brass ear-rings and staccato oaths, which arose from the lower part of the city recently, caused considerable excitement until it was discovered that two Irishmen from Naples had had an argument with a Mulberry Street policeman.

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HE KNEW HIS BUSINESS. Sick Man.—Am I to take all that medicine? Wire.—Yes; all of it. Sick Man.—There ’s enough in that bottle to kill a mule. Wire.—No, there is n’t, John, or the doctor would n’t have prescribed it. ; Wuat To Take To Picnics. SuHe.—Are you going to the picnic on Tuesday, George? | He.—Oh, yes. } Sue (with feeble indifference ).— Alone, George? He.—No; I shall take an umbrella. Panninc Out WELL. He (a la vintage of 1710).—At \ast, darling, I may call you mine! Sue (pulling herself up by his moustache ).—I1 should jubilee! Pop gave me his blessing just after hash-tackle, and blew me in for three hundred shares Calumet and Hecla. Droprrinc Into His Spuere. STRANGER (approaching donkey-driver in Central Park).—Is either of these—er—animals spavined, ring- boned, poll-eviled, string-halted, hoof-bound or foundered ? Driver (taking him for a Police Commissioner ).— Yes, sir; that lop-eared one leaning against the hitch- ing-post is indisposed a little in those ways. I was going to pasture him to-morrow. Srrancer.—Take his saddle right off and put it on me, my friend. My name’s Tuttle, from lowa! Loose tv THE CounTrRY. Unc ie Joun (to his niece, who ts vistting him from Boston. ) —And so you have been out to see the cows, Florence ? Fiorence.—Yes, Uncle; and I think that great big curly-headed cow is just lovely! Futite Errorts. Cater (fo old Mrs. Bently).—The new minister is making himself quite popular, is he not, Mrs. Bently? 4 Oxp Mrs. Bentty.—Well, I ain’t much sot by him. Fer the last three Sundays he’s prayed fer rain, an’ there ain’t a drop fell yit! Taxinc a Rest. ‘I say, Dumley,” remarked Featherly: ‘‘ you look tired and worn out. Why don’t you take a vacation?” ‘I’ve just got back from one,” replied Dumley wearily. An Expert Opinion. Wire.—In the game of lawn tennis, my dear, what is the most difficult thing to acquire? Hussanp.—T he lawn. HE PARTICULAR PEN with which the Gladiatorial Editor whips up little ‘items like the attached, has grown very rusty and must be paper-burnished. Sena- tor Hat and his Evarts are summering in Vermont. F THE COLOR LINE QUESTION at Asbury Park should accidentally reach any of the leading African journals around the equator, it might go hard with Stanley. “AH, THERE!” PUCK. 37! A TRAGEDY FROM A COMEDY. NGAGED sHE,—I wish, darling, you ’d take me to see Mansfield’s new play. Encacev He (a Uittle afraid to venture on the title).—Oh, yes, at the Madison Square! What’s the name of it? Sue (also dubious ).---1 forget; look in the paper on the table, He (boldly ).—Here it is * Mongsewer.” Sue.—That ’s it; but it ought to be called ‘‘ Monseyeoore,.”’ He.—Oh, no, dear; that’s not quite it. I remember now; I know a Frenchman, and he always says ‘‘ Moshoe.” Sue.—Nonsense, George; it can’t spell that. There’s no “h” in it. I read an English book the other day, and it spelt the word ‘‘ Moosoo,.” He.—That don’t matter; I read one that spelt it ‘* Mounseer.” Sue.—You seem to forget, George, that I studied French under a Parissyhon. He.—This dictionary says that it is pronounced ‘‘ Mooseyou.” Sue.—Oh, that’s nonsense. I know it’s “ Monseyeoore !” He.—I suppose you know better than the dictionary. * * * And now they meet as strangers, T Does not make any difference which breed of cow produces the great- est amount of cream. who dispenses it. The standard is always regulated by the man TRADE INSTINCT AT LAKE GEORGE. Mrs. Co Henn is going down for the third time. Mr. Co Henn (who can’t swim a stroke).—As you loaf me, Leah, t’row dem earringks ashore! Dey gan’t pe madched in der cidys! T EXACTLY TWELVE O'CLOCK, midnight, on July 31st, the population of the United States, according to Professor E. B. Elliot’s computation, was 59,893,000. At one second past twelve, on the same night, Colonel Ochiltree escaped from the Hoffman House rectory, and the population jumped to 101,762,54734. The Co- lonel saw the whole thing, and says there can be no mistake. OME OF THE Catskill summer board- ing-houses have such smal] bed- rooms that a guest, on entering them, always looks for the sign: ‘‘ Standing Room Only.” DAKOTA MAN, while on, his way to borrow a neighbor’s paper, was struck by lightning and killed. We have no comment to make here. To intelligent people it is n’t neces- sary. “STAY THERES”

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Ware doa we taeag ! i ‘ AOttwoun, Cith. PUeK BUILOING, N.Y. A VETERAN RECRUIT. New York Trisune.—‘ We must re-enlist you!”

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\ oe Wve vinin AT THE SiG. | A 4, | Pg Py ED me | nent ee mm. : “—~, _ = 4 ISSUE Ss

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374 PUCK. NOONDAY IN FROG HOLLOW. LL FROG HOLLOW was asleep and dreaming. It was the noontide hour, and the whistles had blown without disturb- ing any body or any thing. The machinery of the mills had fallen asleep, and the mills them- selves seemed as dead as the Pyramids, or the paper of the day before yestcrday. The trees were motionless; thcre was no smoke curling from any chimney, and the cows stood in the fields as if they were either paralyzed or stuffed for ornament. It seemed as though the village of Frog Hollow had dropped dead. A moment after we had stepped from the stage to the piazza of the Frog Hollow House, all seemed dead again. The horses were stabled, and the stage itself allowed to stand in the road to dream with the rest of the place. On the hotel stoop there was a large hound standing fast asleep. As we stepped on the piazza she opened one eye about a thirty- second of an inch, and then closed it and was snor- ing again. On the ground, just below, her pups were gathered as sound asleep as herself. There were eight of them, and they were huddled so closely that they seemed braided together in such a way that they would shortly grow into a door- mat or a rug. The place seemed to be sadly in need of an earthquake. The only sign of real animation was displayed by the waiter, who was working for a tip.* As we started away, the horses’ hoofs and the wheels made no sound. They sank in the sand and moved along as softly as the summer wind. On the outskirts of Frog Hollow the stage stopped for the Frog Hol- low mail to convey it to the first post-office. The keeper of the grocery stepped out lazily, and saying, ‘“‘ Howdy, Pete!” to the driver, handed him an ordinary paper-bag full of letters to bear to the proper destination. Just back a few feet from the door stood a common wood-stove so tanned with rust that it had a Queen Anne flavor. On this stove an old yokel in top boots was sitting smoking lazily. He seemed about as dead as anything could be without being absolutely dead. One foot rested on the piece that projected in front to catch ashes, and the other swung idly * Which he did not get. i Z VWs Ward VHA ; GAY Y t, (746 ee AS SENN ~ s NN NW Wi WG 404084 y s By ] Za V/A: ee LS LE a | rn S HY, a Sy eel THE IRISH AVENGER. **Oi’m wullin’ thot bloomin’ hair-butcher shud have a fit, av he wants; but av he don’t come out of it in tin minutes mure, dommed av Qi don’t go out into the shtreet an’ spake agin him in th’ face av the whole warrd!’’ A FAIR WARNING. “*The racing association will give you one hundred dollars an acre, Deacon, for the lot!” “To build a race-track on? No, sir. I don’t believe in horse-racing; it ’s sinful!” “*Say, one hundred and fifty!” “‘ Well, Ill take a hundred and fifty; but if they build a race-track it will be against my earnest protest!” about in the air. His back rested against the pipe, and as he blew the smoke from his mouth he was the picture of happiness. A very small boy wanted to know why the smoke came out of the man’s mouth instead of going up the chimney. The old fellow was half asleep, and seemed to be struggling to get the other half in the same refreshing condition. And I have no doubt he is sleeping there yet as sound as a top; and there I have no doubt he will keep sleeping on, a fitting human illustration of the sleepy old town in which he lives, until about the 15th of November, when he will fly in the air as though he were assisted by dynamite, with both hands where they will render the most good, and utter a shriek that will inform all the other loafers of Frog Hollow that the grocery fire has been started for the winter, R. K. Munkittrick. A Sense or Security. ‘*John,” said a Harrisburg lady to her husband, after they had re- * tired for the night: ‘‘did you lock the front door?” “*No,” said John: ‘but I guess it will be all right; the Legislature, you know, has adjourned !” ROMANCE BY THE SEa, They were eating sausage sandwiches at West Brighton. **Coney Island is a delightful place, dear,” he remarked. **Don’t say Island, George,” said the girl, with her mouth full: **Call it Coney Isle; it sounds more romantic.” A ProciamartIon. ‘“We command that the kicks directed against our august person shall not be sent in with any more force than the infallible judgement of our dearly beloved subjects shall determine is necessary. si —Kalakaua, A aed At THE Army Hop. Mr. Den Saupe (c#vilzan ).—Do you notice how sallow Mrs. Colonel Shrapnel looks to-night? She usually has such a brilliant complexion. Lieutenant Gatiinc.—You must remember, sir, that the appropria- tion for powder for garrison use has been exhausted. His Faruer Tarxkep Unwisety. Sunpay-Scuoot Teacuer.—Can you tell me where David got the sling with which he killed Goliath ? Lirtte Epmunp (quickly, and getting the bulge on the rest of the class ).—Hoboken! Think of Of tre Of mtrro Amid Mia-stre A rogt And me, And t ** Sketch How | Or saucy With « Well, ke To cat Will any Girl-si Now, the With : And ther l can 1 Just drop Then | That clo From : Took AmeERI a modern Spirit. tion; so A. M.. see? . S.—I sons left « out about died that the gloric and I wi: happy. A. M.- cult for n to get at to go to get an ¢ Shaughne men Mt and O’D« and Mc( arty, and S.—TI mistake. ing for us States—t Columbu A. M. find the l several | south, HE GC the C some pen

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How prettily mama has pinned That knot of blue beneath your collar. You tied it there?—why, then, I’ve sinned Against a most accomplished scholar: While others prink and plume in vain, And end by looking ‘‘dressed” and dowdy, You, with a single touch, attain Think of a quiet river; think : Of trees and terraced lawns and hedges ; Of mirrored isles where herons blink sp Amid the lily-pads and sedges. Mid-stream, a skiff, slow bearing down <3 ae

a A roguish romp of years a dozen - And me, an exile from the Town— And thrice the age of “ Pet,” my cousin. wee Perfection. W777 you stop? you rowdy/ “Sketch me,” you savy? I’d like to know That ’s better. If you'll sit like ¢za?, One single moment, while I make How I’m to draw a face that ’s laughing; It won’t take half so long to sketch you. The outline here a little bolder— Or saucy lips that mock me so I’ve got the ribbon on your hat, My reputation is at stake— With endless merriment and chaffing! I’ve got—don’t splash! you little wretch, you! Don’t move !—I want to get your shoulder, Well, keep quite still, and I will try There! there are eyes—such deep blue eyes— There !—done at last! Why, look! we’ve reached To catch that sunny smile and dimple— And perfect nose—no, I’m of “joking ”— The boat-house ; there comes Rover, splashing, Will anybody tell me why And mouth that all my art defies; And there is Jim’s outrigger, beached, Girl-sitters always look so simple? I fear I’ve spoiled it—how provoking! With ripples round its rudder plashing. Now, there ’s your dainty rose-leaf ear, What ’s that? you think it “‘ very like?” Now, when the boat just scrapes the stair, With soft brown curls behind it flowing; Now, little girl, I can’t be flattered. Imagine it ’s the “‘ Tower” at London; And there ’s your jaunty hat—my dear, The rest of it we may not strike— And you ’re to lose your head up there 1 can not sketch while you are rowing; And won’t, if I’m to be bespattered ! For something done you wish was undone. Just drop the oars and let us drift, Please stop! And now to get the shade I’m the grim headsman—f/ease don’t rock— Then look at—anything—intently ; Your forehead shows beneath your hat-brim; I charge a kiss, the legal Court rate, That cloud will do, that looks just whiffed The hatter must have been afraid Your head is laid upon the “block,” From some mild giant’s meerschaum gently. Of time and straw when making ¢/at brim. And—swish !—it’s off; a perfect rome C, H. LUveErs. Witt Go Lixe Hor Cakes. Book Setter (/o CLERK ).— Have n’t we an overstock of **Jack, the Giant Killer,” on hand, James? Cierx.—Yes, sir. Book Setter.— Well, take ’em up to the Polo Grounds, this afternoon; they ’Il sell fast enough there ! Took THE Wronc Train. American Mepium.—Are you a modern spirit? Spirir.—I fell in the Revolu- tion; so did my six sons, A. M.—Whom do you wish to sce? . S.—I left daughters, and my sons left children. I wish to find out about their descendants. We died that our children might enjoy the glorious heritage of freedom; and I want to know if they are happy. A. M.—-It would be very diffi- cult for me to find them. In order to get at the records, I would have to go to Mayor O’Hooligan and get an order on Recorder O’- Shaughnessy, and have Council- men Mulligan and McCafferty, and O’Donegal, and O’Fardowner, and McCallahan, and McMori- arty, and— S.—There seems to be some mistake. The country I am look- ing for used to be calied the United States—the country discovered by MONG THE LIABILITIES Of a merchant who recently failed was a bill of two thousand dollars due for painting his advertisement on fences, HEN A SAW Hears itself being filed, its teeth are naturally set on edge. We have a few of these jokes bottled expressly for Sunday use. Aovecs TO YOUNG GRAVE-DIGGERS —Begin at the top and work down. OME MEN are born fools; but the majority of us achieve

Columbus, you know. foolishness. A. M.—Ah! I see. You will A SINECURE find the United States of Colombia ‘ OLA MAKES sixty thousand very several thousand miles further Tramp (recognizing friend ).—Is that yerself, Tooley? An’ dirty dollars from his writings. south. what are ye doin’ in that hole? Frienp.—Don’t say a worru’, ’tis a foine job I have; the HARLEM GIRL WHO has read felly what runs the summer hotel below here pays me siven dol- the Bible through eight times, HE GOVERNMENT Ought to allow lars a week to live here, an’ he calls me “‘ The Hermit of Scrub- surprised her mother the other the Century Magazine a hand- Oak Hill.” The boorders comes up here be the dozen to luk at morning by getting down to break- some pension. me, an’ it’s good cigarrs I’m shmokin’ the whole day long! fast in time.

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PUCK. Bur He Is, Now. Mr. Staylate has been entertaining Miss Lila with an account of the doings of the Kit Carson Rifle Club and is just entering upon the preface to the introduction of the ninth chapter of the second volume. Miss Lita (with weary but heroic interest). —And you are a good shot, Mr. Siaylate? Mr. Staytate (modestly).—Well, rawther; they do say that yours truly spoils the bull’s eye every time he draws a bead. Miss Litra.—I should think you would make a splendid target. (Appalled silence of an in-

terrogatory nature.) Because you never would | be missed. And after that, like a good smooth-bore, he went off.—Brooklyn Eagle. AncienT FLyers. Clara Morris rides a saddle horse 27 years old. That is n’t quite so old as Anna Dickinson’s hobby; but it is n’t so apt to buck and throw its rider into the tanbark.—Brooklyn Eagle. A wuiskey famine prevails in Chatham County, Georgia. At least we infer so. A man in that county recently died in forty minutes after being bitten by a rattlesnake.—orristown Herald. UNDERWOOD SPRING WATER. The Best Table Water in the World. PREVENTS BRIGHT’S DISEASE. N. Y. Cry.

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GLUETT’S ROWN ews AND f ee SHIRTS 200 ARE THE BEST. Ww. L. DOUCLAS $3 SHOE. }.z The only $3 SEAMLESS Shoe in the world. Finest Gals, perfect fit, and warranted. C ss,Button and Lace, all re les toe. As Oy stylish and durable as °F those costing $5 or $6. WP Ww. L. DOUGLA AS $2.50 SHOE excels the $3 Shoes adver- tised by other firms.

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A Nationa. Inpustry. There is a manufacturing establishment near Chicago that makes buttons from blood, utilizing about ten thousand gallons of blood from the slaughter-houses daily. When we look abroad and realize that every time a human man tries to pin his collar or suspender he sheds enough of the raw material to make a dozen buttons, there scems to be no rational necessity for all this use- less effusion of gore.— Brooklyn Eagle. PUCK. A rounc woman in Middletown was killed a few days ago by a peanut shell lodging in her throat. As she was not munching peanuts in a place of amusement at the time, hcr death is deeply regretted.—Norristown Herald. Aw Arkansas paper tells of a man of lofty soul who once remarked: ‘‘Every night I get down on my little knees and say my little prayer, and I don’t care a who sees m2.”’—Arkansas i”. THE ABOVE DRAWING ILLUSTRATES THE W 377 Tue Promistinc AMATEUR. He was an amateur yachtsman, and he looked around the store in a timid way before he hesi- tatingly asked : “*Got any tacks?” “Yes, sir, plenty of em. How many papers?” **T guess Ill take a paper of starboard and a paper of port. I’m going a-sailing, and I want to be provided with both kinds.” —Defrozt Free Press. ELL KNOWN LINE IN LORD TENNYSON’S LOCKSLEY HALL. ‘SEWN THE BLACK AUSTRALIAN DYING HOPES HE SHALL RETURN, A WHITE.” I HAVE FOUND PEARS’ SOAP MATCHLESS FOR THE HANDS AND COMPLEXION.—ADELINA PATTI, i LT oeer H BRUSH soulgiopoLenee QD Endorsed by the Profession. Has the following advantages over the old bristie Tooth Brush: More Cleanly, Perfect Poi Ish- er. No Loose Bristies. Non-irritating to the Cums. Powdered Ready for use. For sale by all dealers in toilet articles, or by mail for 60c. by THE HORSEY M F'G CO., Utica, N. ¥. 380 MerwinFulberté & — GENS 000s PORT? crcu8S TricyclES Send 20 @ valogue 26 West 23° STREET om my Advantages of Heating with a HOT WATER APPARATUS. [Continued from Page 361, Puck, No. 542.) SECOND.—A Steam Apparatus requires constant attention, for should the fire be neglected and the temperature of the water in the boiler fall below 212° Fah., Steam Radiators will cool in- stantly, although the fire may be burning and the fuel wasting, whereas the Hot Water System will continue to give out heat, not only as long as there is any fire under the Heater, but after the fire is completely out, until the water in the apparatus be- comes of the same temperature as the surrounding air, which re- quires several hours to accomplish. The greatest fault with Steam Heating is the inability to keep down the temperature in mild weather when but little heat is required. (To be continued.) Send for Descriptive Catalogue and Circular to the GURNEY HOT WATER HEATER Co., 237 FRANKLIN St., Boston, Mass. JOHN A. FISH, Managing Director. Works at East Boston. Sgiiinc AGENT, M. H. Jounson, 140 Centre St., New York City, N. Y. Rick & Wuitacre Mrc. Co., 42 & 44 W. Monrog Street, Curcaco, Js+.. Mention Puck. THE MIDSUMMER PUCK. Mechanically, this generously-paged pamphlet is a wonder. Any practical lithographer will sustain us in the somewhat bold statement that no such triumph of tint and color printing was ever before turned out by the publishers of a periodical. can equal it in this country. Some of Prang’s work alone The Christmas Puck was merely a sort of dress rehearsal for this production, and the English colored Christmas supplements would look coarse and botchy beside it. There are three full-page cartoons, all different in style, but each perfect in its way, and beside these every page is a picture to delight any who can appreciate artistic press-work and make-up. The literary quality of the number is excellent, quite above Puck’s usual not low standard, «A Border Ruffian,” is worthy a place in the Century, and Mr. Bunner’s, ‘* A Successful Failure,’’ and at the particular request of Mr. Frank R. Stockton, is not only a charming story but a marvelously exact imi- tation of Mr. Stockton in every respect, subject, title, method of handling and style. Every one should own a copy of 7he Midsummer Puck, Janvier’s story, written for and remembering how quickly the large edition of the Christmas number was exhausted, make no delay in se- curing one.— Zhe New York Commercial Advertiser. copy, or will be sent on receipt of price by THE PUBLISHERS OF PUCK, Puck Bui_pinc, New York. . ‘Turk MIDSUMMER PucK”’ is for sale by all Newsdealers; price, 50 cents per

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He Seulore SPLENDID ASSORTMENT OF WOOLENS FOR SUMMER WEAR FOR SEASIDE AND COUNTRY. SCO7'CH CHEVIUTS, HOMESPUNS, ENGLISH SERGES, MOHAIRS, ETC. Suits to order from - - + + = = $20.00. Trousers “ e 6%, gece 5 00. 145 & 147 Bowery, and 771 Broadway, Corner Ninth Street. Samples and self-measurement rules mailed on application. iL Instant relief, Final cure and never a returns. Noindelicacy. Neither ere urge, salve or suppository. Liver, kidney and all bowel troubles—especially constipation—cur- ed like magic. Sufferers willlearn of asimple remedy by addressing, J. H. REEVES, 78 Nassau 8t., N. Y¥. 752 THE OPIUM HABIT thout pam, De OF SLEEPLESSNESS on byt the method of Dr. H. H. Kane, Author 3 “Drugs that Enslave,” ge Pale Lindsay & Blakiston "¢ Phila ) Desorsptive Book wit endorsements by 300 phy- sicians, description, prices. &c Dr. KANE (formerly Bas __ Be Gainny Hospital), 164 Fulton Street, New York. “PUCK S LIBRARY, 10c, All Newsdealers. PUCK. PorTry OF THE PERIOD. “To-day,” said he: *‘I graduate. What shall I do, will you advise? Shall I stay here to try my fate, Or seek the West where Fortune lies? “*Tt rests with you what I shall do; Say but the word and I will stay. But if you bid me go from you, Again my heart must needs obey.” “*I think,” said she: ‘‘ were you to go, You ’d find that plan by far the best.” Then in his ear she whispered low: “I’m very sure we ’I] like the West.” —Harvard Lampoon. PUCK’S PROGRAMME is sent /ree to any Address by THE PUBLISHERS OF PUCK, New York. Send one, two, three or five dollars for a retail box, by express, of the best Candies in the World, put up in hand- some boxes. All strictly pure. Suitable for presents. ‘I'ry it once. Add .F. aunT ER, Confectioner Paso ay . adison 8t., Chicago. BOWERY BAY BEACH. The most beautiful and popular family summer resort, with excellent fishing, boating, bathing. Accessible byelegant summer horse cars from 92d 8t. ferry in 20 minutes. Fare 10 cents, including ferriage; and from Hunter’s Point ferries in 40 minutes. Car fare10cents. Also by steamboats direct to Grand Pier. See principal daily papers. 345 Print Your Own Cards! PRESS, $3; Circular size frat $8; Newspaper size, $14. Type-setting easy, printed instructions. Send 2 stamps for catalogue presses, type, cards, &c., to the factory, 27 KELSEY & CO., Meriden, Conn, PARKER’S GINGER TONIC The Best Cure for gy Ast! Indd- gestion, Inward Pains, Son Coebieian tes most aluable medicines with Jamacia Ginger, it exerts a cura- unknown to other remedies. tive pros over disease Weak sing ligofthestomach, L . Female A HT a = po em | jusands to a 9 ct: po the’ are dragring tho the timely use His ae oy pa ToNIG, It is new lifeand stren; 50c. at Drug- [S00K & Con 168 Willians Barcoe: Ne Y. 357 *SANITAS? === The GREAT ENGLISH DISINFECTANT. The First Requisite in all Dwellings, The most POWERFUL and PLEASANT of all PREPARATIONS in use. Fragrant, Non-poisonous, does not stain Linen. “SANITAS” Disinfecting Fluid, for sprinkling about rooms, disinfecting linen, and general house use. **SANITAS” Disinfecting Powder, a powerful and pleasant preparation for stables, kennels, ashbins, &c. “SANITAS” Crude Disinfecting Fluid, a con- centrated form of ‘**Sanitas,” to be di- luted with water for flushing drains, “SANITAS” Disinfecting Oil, for fumigatin: sick rooms, treatment of throat com- plaints, rheumatism and ringworm. “Sanitas” Disinfecting Toilet and Laundry Soaps, &,, &. THE REGULAR USE OF “ SANITAS,” THE BEST DISINFECTANT, and Deodorant, is a sure preventive of all contagious and infectious diseases. It is invaluable in the sick room. “A PROPLE’S HEALTH IS A NATION’S WEAL\H.” “SANITAS” IS NATURE'S DISINFECTANT, To be had of aH Druggists and of the American & Continental “ Sanitas’”’ Co., Ltd., 636-642 West 55th street, N. Y. city. Serious Consequences. Habitual Costiveness predisposes to Dyspepsia, Pulmo- nary Consumption, Nervous Disorders, Headache, and indeed almost every form of disease that flesh is heir to ; and when it does not actually develop disease in youth, it lays a foundation for it in after life; everybody should have an action of the bowels once in twenty-four hours. Tutt’s kus: will produce this result, and do not require any change of diet or interfere with daily dutics. Cured of Constipation “IT had Dyspepsia with Constipation eighteen months, and during that time I have tried ten different kinds of Pills, and Tutt’s are the first that have done me any good. I find them cheaper than others, as one pill acty better than three of any other, and do not weaken me like other kinds. W. D. EDWARDS, Palmyra, O.”’ Tutt’s Liver Pills ‘ CURE CONSTIPATION. DENTAL OFFICE OF Philippine Dieffenbach-Truchsess NO. 162 WEST 23D STREET, Bet. 6th and 7th Aves., N. ¥. CHAMPION OF TWO CONTINENTS. ' An Interesting Comparison of THE WORLDS GREAT BREWERIES. Decidedly the greatest beer producing countries in the world are Germany and Austria, The manufacture of the national beverage and its consumption is a matter of investigation and comment for every traveler that has visited and written of those States. Many have gone be- hind the commercial feature of the industry, and have found in the production, fostered and protected as it is by the Government, a solution of the stability of the people. The people themselves, instead of fretting under the ordinary cares of life that carry more volatile neigh- bors into insurrection, absorb a philosophical quiet with the nectar of Gambrinus that saves them from the conse- quences of rashness. Small wonder that they cherish their colossal Brauerein and that the Government fosters them. The last annual official statistical showiny of the pro- duct in Germany and Austria has just been received here. According to this report, the output of the six leading breweries of Germany and Austria, in 1886, was the following: or 1. Spaten Brewery, Munich, (Gab. Sedlmayer, wane - -363.017 Be I, WIR nce ccincouss- decessenenceeees 348.603 Oh er I, MUO vvcciceccccesnsccoscnscosececed 252.750 Be I icp ncece cebadtn:. s00eitsiessemegene 299.480 6. G. Pschorr, PE bids. 01 Csasrieammineentenaeet 235.950 6. Liesing Actien Brewery, Vienna.. -- 170.764 Total, 1, 67 0, 564, There are innumerable small establishments, but these six larger ones serve to give some idea of the magnitude of the industry in those countries. In the manufacture of the quantity of beer shown in the product of these six breweries, over one hundred and forty millions of pounds of malt were used. To those of our own community who are not tinged with prohibitory theories there will be some satisfaction in learning that St. Louis, Mo., has not only the largest brewery in this country, but the largest in the world. The Anheuser-Busch Brewing Association, in the period covered by the official report from which the above is taken, manufactured and sold 13,120,000 gallons of beer, equaling 410,000 Barrels, an excess of more than 10 per cent. above the production of the Spaten Brewery of Munich, the largest European brewery, Experts in the manufacture of beer are not slow to say that the quality, also, of the Anheuser-Busch beer excels that of its European rival in about the same ratio. This opinion is not only that of American judges, but in every European exposition in which the beer of the Anheuser-Busch Brewing Association has come into competition with that of all the above-named breweries, it has been awarded the first premium. In every Euro- pean capital medals have been given to them showing that they surpassed all other exhibitors in the quality of the beer manufactured. These awards have not been merely occasional, but record a succession of triumphs.

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TT Waltham Timing Watches. With or Without Split Seconds, and Minute Register. MANUFACTURED AND GUARANTEED BY THE American Waltham Watch (., WALTHAM, MASS. THE WaLTHAM CHRONOGRAPH combines an ACCURATE stop- watch for sporting, astronomi- cal and general scientific pur- poses, with a RELIABLE time- keeper for ordinary use. The mechanism to start, stop and fly back is of the most simple and durable construction and is independent of the other parts of the movement. The Waltham Watch Factory is the oldest in America, the most extensive and best equipped in the world, and produces the finest and best watches made. FOR SALE BY ALL FIRST CLASS JEWELERS. MARVELOUS MEMORY DISCcCovERY. Wholly unlike aan nae of Mind Centotne. Any book learned in one reading. to cor e classes. Prospectus, with o alone in full of MR. Proctor. the Astronomer, Hons. W. ASTOR, JUDAH . BENJAMIN, Drs. MINOR, Woop, REV. FRANCIS B. DENIO, The Christian Advocate, MARK TWAIN , and others, sent post free by PROF, LOISETTE, 237 Fifth Avenue, N.Y, BOKER'S BITTERS The Oldest and Best of All STOMACH BITTERS, AND AS FINE A CORDIAL AS EVER MADE. To be had in Quarts and Pints. L. FUNKE, JR., Sole Manufacturer and Proprietor, 78 JOHN STREET, NEW YORK. PUCK. Tre Tramp. | Slow paced, with listless step he moved along, To where the woodbine mantled all the door, | __ And tossed its restless shadows on the floor; | His idle breath, escaping in a song, Bore scents of Old Tom Juniper along ; | Upon both feet he limped, as travel sore. | For alms he asked; ate them and asked for | more; And lingered yet, the banquet to prolong, While I felt envy of his bone and brawn, And his glad life, so free from toil or care; And did not know, till after he was gone, That he had taken with him my best pair Of summer clothes, and other things, to pawn, And drifted idly off—we knew not where, | Ah, would that I, like him, might come and go, As birds and winds and shadows go and come, Careless of all things sad or burdensome; Living as idly as fair lilies grow Beside the dreamy river’s slumbrous flow ; At morn, awakened by the hollow drum Of partridge in the thicket; by the hum Of over busy bees at noontime’s glow Lulled to my midday slumber in the wood; Drone like, to eat the sweets by others stored ; To live with birds and winds in brotherhood, ¢ My fashion plate the clothes line, and my board | The farmer’s care—but, ah, it is no good; | I have no luck; I would get caught and scored. — Robert J. Burdette, zn Brooklyn Eagle. | For « Private Club,” for « Private Club” They now go crazy at “¢ The Hub,” | So when to Buston now you go Don’t fail to visit Fones & Co. In Phila., Pa., it’s Merino, In Newark Mister Beetchenow Who sell this daisy of a Wine, This ‘* Private Club,” grand, superfine. In New Haven, State of Conn., Of “ Private Club” they make no fun, For Reynolds is the Agent there; They drink this Champagne everywhere, In Brooklyn Wadker it will bring, Yours truly, L. £. Wilmer ding. Ten drops of Angostura Bitters impart a delicious flavor to all cold drinks, and prevent Malaria and Summer Diseases. Try it and you will never be without it ; but be sure to get the world-renowned Angostura, manufactured only by Dr. J. G. : B. Siegert & Sons. A. WEIDMANN. No. 306 Broadway, Corner Duane Street, New York. Importer and Manufacturer of TOYS, FIREWORKS, Masks, Gold and Silver Trimmings, Spangles and other Material for Costumes, ec %* FACE, HANDS, FEET, and all their importostione, including Facias poral ment, i air and Benlg, Supenepess Birth arks, Moles, arts, Moth ae Ra "Red — ‘Acne, B'lk Heads, Scars. nee Pitting and es treat ment, ert S. ¢ for 197 book of 50 4t tion. r. John 87 North pies ri 8t., Albany, N. Y., Established 1870 | And Time f | Each Stick i in My, leatherette. } } } post-paid, for ¢ THE J. B. Very Portable fcr Travelers. FOR ALL WHO SHAVE. » |) SHAVE with EASE. You often Suffer needless pain, pain, iY Through fault of yours, you can’t deny it; Before you Shave yourself 4 Buy ILLIAMS Pleasure unknown! and Comfort, Ease Its use imparts; to all who Shave NGS" SHAVING STICK, and try it. Its Richness, Mildness, Fragrance please, ‘and Patience tend to save. a neat Case, covered with red morocco A LUXURY For Sale by all Druggists, or sent 25ets.in Stamps. Address, WILLIAMS CO., - Glastonbury, Conn. FOR 50 YEARS M’F'RS OF FAMOUS GENUINE YANKEE SHAVING SOAP THE NATIONAL GAME PUCK'S LIBRARY} scce nest teen ance ne. Be Of all Newsdealers. Ten Cents per Copy. BASE-BALL. One Dollar per Year. By mail on receipt of price from THE PUBLISHERS OF PUCK, Puck Building, New York. SKIN & SCALP CLEANSED PURIFIED ano BEAUTIFIED BY ( ‘UT ICURA. OR CLEANSING, PURIFYING AND BEAUTIFYING the skin of children and infants and curing torturing, dis figuring, itching, scaly and pimply diseases of the skin, scalp and blood, with loss of hair, from infancy to old age, the Curicura REMEDIES are infallible. Cuticura, the great Skin Curs, and Curicura Soar, an ex quisite Skin Be utifier, prepared from it, externally, and Curicuna Rxsotvent, the new Bloo.! Purifier, int rnally, invariably succeed when all other rem dies and the best physicians fail. Cuticuna Remepigs are absolutely pure, and the only infallible skin beautifiers and blood purifiers, free from poisonous in- | gredients. Sold everywhere, Price, Curicura, soc.; Soap, 25c.; Rr- SOLVENT, $1. Prepared by the Porrer DruG anv CHEmMik AL Co., Boston, Mass. ss Send for ‘* How t+ Cure Skin Diseases.”’ BA BABY’S 1O Skin and ~calp preserved | and beautified by Curr. CURA Mepic ATED Soap. Yee CATALOGUE ON APPLICATION. ORMULLY@JEF i> =- MFG. CO.=- CHICAGO, Itt. 7% ~ COLEMAN NAT’L BUSINESS COLLEGE. NEWARK, N. J. Gives the pest, sHorrest, CHEAPEST and most THOROUGH course of B USINESS | Trane of any school in America. For catalogue, address 372 H. COLEMAN, Pres. JOSEPH GILLOTTS STEEL PENS GOLD MEDAL PARIS EXPOSITION 1878. Nos. 303-404-—170-604. THE MOST PERFECT OF PENS, ROZZONI’S MEDICATED COMPLEXION mparts a brilliant transparency to the skin. Re- moves all pimples, freckles aud discolorations. For sale by all iirst-c class druggists, or mailed for 50 cts. in stamps, by 43.A. POZZONI, 13 4 @ 8t. Louis, Mo, LADIES Dr. Urlin’s Discovery Produces a Beautiful e Crear Skin. By Mail $1.00. P. O. Box 1669, . Dr. Urlin’s Headache Powders are grand. By Mail 25 cts PROSPECT BRE WERY, Cor, Eleventh and Oxford Streets, PHILADELPHIA, PA. lhe highly Celebrated BUDWEIS LAGER BEER from this Brewery is particularly adapted to Export in Barrels as well as in Bottles Its k eping qualities are unsurpassed, We also recommend our a rT = HERCULES MALT WINE as the purest, most wholesome, and cheapest Extract of Mait in existence. 709 Q is published every Wednesday, Nok | is toc, per copy, of all Newsdealers, The Subscription-Price of PUCK is FOUR DOLLARS FOR ONE YEAR. TWO DOLLARS FOR 6 MONTHS. ONE DOLLAR FOR 3 MONTHS. Payable in advance. Subscriptions are taken by all Booksellers, News- dealers, 3rd and 4th class Postmasters, and Tug PuBLisHERS OF PUCK, PucK Building, N. Y.

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At one time he thought ne would like to be known as *¢ Deadshot Johnny, the Red-Skin Frightener of Dakota.” ter on 2D naa ad of rillian’ at: \ Career . ‘ can Se 4 *4 pn ina mer arich hewbas no Cone ' ese nL ER i a ¢ oe Once he almost decided ° join Humili ating circumstane i m to accept a position ‘ ae ie ape / the Fire Department, and distin- w oblig! ‘ Then, again, he became convinced that he would 4 At another period he saw a great future before him * quit himeclf ve oe trol, however» haw jiar-and-a-balf Per beta Opber make a first-class Pirate Chief. as a Champion Pugilist. 1 Office-Boy at 4 ” elall . P as => Prtias sae JOHNNY’S AMBITIONS, AND HOW THEY WERE NOT REALIZED. ne em en ee ~ a = eres eneneetetapr gnome Dy