Puck 1887-05-25: Vol 21 Iss 533

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tr AACZ:/ VOL. XXI.—No. 533. NEW YORK, MAY 325, 1887. PRICE, TEN CENTS. a FI arg =e WE KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN, Publishers. BNTBRED AT THE POST OFFICE AT NEW YORK, AND ADMITTED FOR TRANSMISSION THROUGH THE MAILS AT SECOND CLASS RATES. ON THEIR RETURN. Rep Suixt.—Heap poor-aw-style, heah. Burrato But.—Ya-as. That hawnsom’s weally the only wefreshing thing I ’ve seen, don’tcherknow?

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206 PUCK. PUCK, PUBLISHED 8&VERY WEDNESDAY, Srom the PUCK BUILDING, New York. Publishers and Proprietors, - Foseph Keppler. A. Schwarzmann. Bdifor, -§ - «+ ~ «= «= «= &. C. Benne. Wednesday, May 25th, 1887.—No. 533. CARTOONS AND COMMENTS. HE REPUBLICAN PARTY—or, at least, the conservative wing of the Re- T publican Party, is having a pleasant little flirtation with Mr. Theo- dore Roosevelt. We mention the fact merely as a matter of news —or, rather, ‘‘society gossip”—and neither in sorrow nor in anger. Barring disparity of age, we can see no reason why the two parties to the flirtation should not be happy together. As far as Mr. Roosevelt goes, the party could not have a more desirable associate. Mr. Roosevelt is a virtuous young man with an agile intellect, great conversational ability, and a large assorted stock of lotty and amiable intentions. Though at times his temper is uncertain, he is never pettish for long. * . * Mr. Roosevelt started out, a few short summers ago, to reform politics and give us the blessings of pure government, and he would no doubt have succeeded in his enterprise had he not been frightened No blame should attach to him for this. He is young, probably of a nervous organization, and he is innocent, simple and confiding in character. Perhaps he was **rattled,” as the boys say. At any rate, he meant to reform things; and the circumstances under which he retired permanently from the reforming business were exceptional. It was at the time of the last National Convention, and there was great danger that the Party would nominate for the presidency a man whose character can best be described as shady. Mr. Roosevelt went to the Convention as a delegate, and pro- tested vigorously against the selection of that person. The person, how- ever, was selected, and then Mr. Roosevelt was directed to support him. It is to be feared that the Party was harsh toward the young man. He was told that he would be cast out into utter darkness and exterior chill, and he yielded. We are pained to say that he was sulky for a few weeks; but he yielded, and supported the shady person as well as he knew how, until the election took place. * * * That, of course, was the time when his victory over his own angry passions ought to have been rewarded with a large slice of bread crowned with jam. But it so happened that the Party was defeated at that elec- tion, and there was very little bread and no jam at all to be dealt around. And, somehow, in the confusion, Mr. Roosevelt was forgotten and over- looked until, two years later, the Party found itself in great need of a man to run for the office of Mayor of New York—not to be elected, for that was impossible; but merely to run, so as to keep the Party before the public. Now, it was not easy to get a man for the job, No man cares to run for office for the barren honors of paying assessments and being de- feated. But young Mr. Roosevelt, in his guileless ignorance of the world, thought it would be good fun to piay at campaigning and oblige the Party. So he ran, and came in third in the race, with a wee sad little minority in his dainty grip-sack. And here came his first real enlightenment as to the coldness and cruelty of this hard world. He had known that he could not be elected: he said so—after election—but he had not expected to come in at the finish No, 3, several lengths behind a tramp apostle of Labor from the boundless west. He discovered that he had been basely sold out by his own paid agent, assigned him by the Party itself—that he had been delivered over to his enemies in the most shameless manner— betrayed in the house of his friends. He grieved deeply over this revela- tion of baseness: in fact, it was the persistent plaintiveness of his wailing that reminded the aged and forgetful Party of what she owed the young man, and moved her to welcome him once more to her palpitating bosom. * * * Be happy, Mr. Roosevelt, be happy while you may. You are young —yours is the time of roses—the time of illusions. You see not the rouge on the old cheeks, the powder on the wrinkled forehead. You are all right. Be happy. Do not let it annoy you if we smile. There is an oft-told tale of a Freshman at an inland college who began a letter to his father thus: ‘‘Dear Father: I am engaged to Miss Matilda Smith, of this town—” and who received in return a letter from his father beginning: ‘‘ My dear son: Bless you! You need not tell me anything about it. I was engaged to Matilda Smith myself, when I was in my senior year, and I know just what fun you are having.” Be happy, Mr. Roosevelt. You have read of Pitt, of Alexander Hamilton, of Randolph Churchill and of other men who were young and yet who, so to speak, got there just the same. Bright visions float before your eyes of what the Party can and may do for you, We wish you a gradual and gentle awakening. We fear the Party can not do much for you. You are not the timber of which Presidents are made, even if you were not, at present, disqualified for that office by the harsh law which decrees that the beautiful bloom of adolesence must be brushed from the cheek of manhood ere the doors of the White House open to the aspirant. But we fear that the Party will treat you even as her henchman treated you—the unsympathetic Cregan, whose standard of political morality she has now accepted as her own. For, Mr. Roose- velt, the Party is sadly changed from what sne was a generation ago. The virtue went out of her when she stooped to an alliance with a conscience- less political trickster, who used public office for private gain. From all parts of the country come reports that Decoration Day is not likely to be observed as reverently as it has been in past years. ‘This is much to be deplored. We have no holier holiday in all the year than this that commemorates the cementing of our Union. It had its origin in a noble and patriotic sentiment, and its observance takes a form peculiarly fitting and beautiful. And at this time of all others, when un- American anarchy is taught in the streets and preached in public gather- ings; when American workingmen submit themselves to a government of their own founding that does not recognize the laws of the land—at this time we should not fail to remind ourselves that our dead heroes of the last war fought for that true liberty that goes hand-in-hand with law. We receive many complaints from regular readers of Puck, that the paper is not to be obtained, or only with difficulty and after repeated ap- plication, on the news-stands in the Elevated Railway stations. We know that these complaints are well-founded, and an explanation is due to the readers of Puck. The company which leases or sub-leases this valuable franchise from the city makes a practice of demanding from publishers a fee of $10 a week for exposing papers—that is, for selling them as they are sold on other stands. If the demand is refused, the contumacious journal is either not handled at all, or, if regular customers insist upon it, is kept for sale; but so hidden, in whole or in part, that purchasers can not readily see it. This fee we will not pay. The amount is trifling; but the principle is not. The charge is an out-and-out extortion; and we will not pay it, be it ten dollars or ten cents, In this determination we know that the friends of Puck will gladly support us; and if they are fur- ther annoyed, we shall take what measures lie in our power to satisfy them and to protect our Own interests. He Deservep Ir. Mrs. Kivxitteen, — Afther mar-r-rchin’ all day, wid th’ Shixty-ninth viterans, it’s th’ divil’s own shame, childer, av yure ould man can’t be dicorathed a little loike th’ rist av thim sojers! Peart

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a ee i a \ 7 Ny), \ f Wy \ or) ) \\ IS | 1! a WU (|| 1 UTE ~~ ! ? My I rie WW i l m HIN | VW \y A COMING EVENT. 207 F MTU UTA ; | yt | (During the twenty minutes’? noon intermission, the young ladies of Madame Fintsher’s boarding- school discuss educational matters, and a luncheon of buns, éclairs, etc., sent in by a fashionable baker.) Epirx (munching a cream puff).—Oh, what a lovely spread! Nell, you ’re the boss treater! Nett.—Hear, hear! A graduate, and she says ‘‘ boss ”’— Epirn.—Oh, fudge; Madame is n’t around! Nett.—It ’s a good thing she is n’t, with these méringues in view, Epira.—T hat baker is a darling. Criara.—How does he get them in, any way? Nett.—Why, he has an extra tray quite at the bottom of his basket, that no one suspects, Epirn.—Yes; isn’t it jolly? I would n’t care a sou for the méringues if we were allowed to buy them. Nett.—Edith, you are really depraved. Epirnx.—Oh, I just love to be fast! — Oh, how perfectly dreadful ! Crara,—Oh, girls; mama bought my gradua- tion dress yesterday ! Nett.—Oh, what is it? Crara,—lIndian muslin and valenciennes ; just too lovely for any use! Epiru.—I got mine last week. I’ve a white silk slip, and an Irish point skirt over it. Crara.—Well, Connery told mama Indian muslin was quite comme zl faut for graduation. Evirx.—Comme zl faut nothing. It may do well enough for your blonde infantile beauty; but I need something more substantial. Nett.—Madame wants us to dress simply. Epirn.—A fig for madame! I'll wear what I like. Crara.—My dress is to have ten narrow flounces, edged with valenciennes—real lace, too; and the bodice is all lace inserting sewed together. Epirx.—Just listen; and she calls that simple! Nett.—The front of mine is all lace, too; and the back just quantities of soft, fluffy drapery. Epvitw.—Shall you wear sashes? Crara.—Oh, yes; mine is surah, five yards, Nett.—Mine is awfully wide satin ribbon. Epiru.—I think I ’l] have moiré. Nett.—Are n’t you crazy for the evening to come? Epvirx.—Oh, perfectly wild! Criara.—I ’m to have quantities of flowers. Epirx.—Madame wants us to have a “ pro- fusion.” Nett.—My brothers, and papa and mama each send me a bouquet, and sister May’s fiancé says nothing short of a basket will satisfy him. Crara.—Each one of my cousins will send me a bouquet; and, ofcourse, papa and mama. Epirn.—Well, I am going straight to Klun- der’s, and order as many as I want. Crara.—Oh, I would n’t do that for anything! Epirx.—-Why not? It’s no worse than bon- ing every one you know for them, Ciara (haughtily).—1 never ‘‘ bone.” Nett.—Edith, you do have such a harsh way of putting things. Epirn.—I don’t care—it ’s the way they are. Crara.—I ’m worried to death over my essay. Epira.—Oh, the essay is all right. Miss Barton took mine yesterday, and is going to look it over and touch it up. Nett.—What is the subject? Epirnx.—“ Is Civilization a Failure?” Nett.—Goodness—what could you find to say about that? Eprrx.—Oh, I treat it humorously, you know! Crara.—Mine is “f Watching and Waiting.” Epirx.—A lovely sentimental thing, I suppose. Ciara (with dignity ).—Madame says it has many beautiful thoughts. Epirn.—Oh, madame has got it? Crara.—Yes; she wants to revise it a little. Nett.—Mine is the French essay, you know. “‘Mam’selle” is helping me on it. Evirn.—Well, then, girls, we’re safe any way. I don’t care a rap for the examinations. Nett.— Why? Eprrn.—Oh, they ’re to be private, you know ; and we ’Il be coached through all right. Nett.—I hope so, Criara.—Oh, yes; madame says they will not be very severe, as she considers we have reviewed so often, Nett.—I have to sing, you know. Epira.—Don’t you dread it? Netit.—Not a bit. Why, I have practiced all winter on my piece, and Prof. Staccato says | ’ve got every little shade now, Crara.—My drawing, “The Angelus,” is to be exhibited, you know. Mr, Crayon took it home last night. Epirn.— What for? Criara.—Oh, he thought the figures slanted a little, and the perspective was n’t quite true, and the sky needed different shadings, otherwise it was lovely! Epirx.—I shan’t show my water-color. Nett.— Why not? Forrx.—Oh, there ’s a castle in it, and it tips frightfully ! Crara.—Could n’t you call it the ‘‘ Leaning Tower of Pisa?” Epirn.—I might do that, only it’s a winter scene, Nett.—l don’t believe any one would notice. Crara.—No; put it in a lovely frame, and it "ll be all right. Nett.—What are you going to have for a graduation present? Crara.—A sapphire bracelet. sick for one, Epirx.—I ’m going to have a diamond ring, Nett.—And I—a saddle-horse. Epitn.—Is n’t it just lovely to finish, any way? Crara.—Yes, indeed, I am just crazy to come out in society. Neti.—It is such a satisfaction to feel there is nothing more to learn, I ’ve been just Puiuie H,. Wetcn.

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=a 228 SPRING. Where the snow still lies in the hedge-row down in the lane by the rill, There the primitive oak end the boxwood—like myself and the little Lill— Daily sigh for each other—they ’d die for each other—but the box- wood stands in the shade, And the love of the oak for the boxwood is not a thing for the lat- ter which has what you might call paid. HE JOHNNY-JUMP-UP now in Spring, Will soon jump up and try again. Come on, my John H. Jump, so boid, 1 ’m waiting for you on the wold! And when your head the sod shall prick, . Lil walk with twirling walking-stick, - And twirl your head off double-quick ; While breaks yforth yfrom my throat, This varying, various, changing note. The. bard the breath of Spring-time sips, Tis all he has, in faith, to sip; The sage the warm gin cocktail nips, ’Tis all he cares in faith to nip; { And now the Baptist preacher dips — The converts in the icy slip; “Click, slop!” the sugar-maple drips. PUCK. So I love Lill, and my love dwarfs her, and hides her from the gaze of men— But, oh, for one of Evarts’s speeches, that I might expand into half an Aurora-Leigh Browning line more with my pen! When oranges are all the fruit The which my poet’s purse can buy; afore! So, Boss!! When lamb and mint and shad and peas, And eke, the scarlet strawberries Seem far removéd as the sky; next lot.) When, since I am no money-duke, For me no cucumber will cuque; And by the footman—which is I— AN EMINENT CITIZEN. The rhubarb rides its barb right by— Why, then, ’tis Spring, And then I sing: That, likely, if 1 went at work— Au lieu de \oaf and lurk and shirk; If | would drop my silly pen— Why, I might dine like other men! NEW BOOKS. Wworts winninc—A Jack Pot. THE MONARCH OF DREAMS — A Welsh Rabbit. WO GENTLEMEN OF BOSTON — Sullivan and Kelly. FACTORS OF ORGANIC REVOLUTION —lItalian Street Musicians. THe OLD HOUSE AT SANDWICH—A R. R. Station. FAMILIAR SHORT SAYING OF GREAT MEN—Dammit. Lackep ORIGINALITY. He (after morning service).— What did you think of the sermon this morning, Miss Breezy? Miss Breezy (of Chicago).—It seemed to me to lack originality. Why, some of the ideas advanced are old enough to have whiskers! HEN SARAH BERNHARDT buys material for a dress, she wants it all wool, but does n’t care about its being a yard wide. iste he —a —= 7— VAM 9 iad — { a } | a f; il Tee HH IN / | | i i J MISCONSTRUED. Farmer Gipney.—I’ve seen bees, ’n’ wasps, ’n’ hornits; but dum me ’f I ever seen one fitted with a sting like that (N. B. —The Local Archery Club was practising in the H' Is A GENTLEMAN Of about thirty-five summers, and he wears a plaid suit, a polka-dot shirt, a Lake George diamond-pin, and an air of Wituston Fisu. insouciance. Observe the careless grace with which he stands on yonder street-corner, and receives the greetings of his many friends, He seems to be enjoying rare popularity, does he not? About every fifth man that comes along grasps him warmly by the hand and exchanges a few words with him, That was Professor Giglamps, the great scientist, who left him a mo- Comparinc Notes. Miss Strratner.—I ’m just through with trigonometry, and next week I review the differential calculus for the June exam- inations! How far are you advanced? Mr. Harotv.—I know how many apples John had if he had two and his father gave him one more; and I can knock a ball to short-stop before it touches the ground! ment ago; the youth who is tremblingly addressing him now, and to whom he listens with ill-concealed impa- tience, is young Cashley, the dry- goods clerk around the corner; and the well-dressed, elderly man who is awaiting his turn to approach, is old Deacon Heavyboy, of the Church of the Everlasting Lugs. Why is the society of the gen- tleman in the plaid suit so eagerly sought? Has he carved for himself a niche in the temple of Fame, and won a name that will go whooping down the Ages long after his heirs have done quarreling about his es- tate? No, he has not. He has never done anything in particular to win the esteem and admiration of his fellow-men; but, nevertheless, he is in great demand just now. Where- fore? Why, because he possesses a straight tip on the Suburban. F. A. Srearns. E READ OF A condemned mur- derer losing hope, and he is the first of his kind who ever allow- ed such a thing to happen. It is all wrong for a murderer to lose hope, because it is the only thing that braces him up for the final ordeal.

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tc agpmarerycean, PUCK. THE LITERARY MOVEMENT IN TROMBONE. N THIS AGE Of Pen and Ink every quarter enjoys a literature peculiar to | itself, and a number of writers whose efforts constitute what is known as the literary movement of that territory. We have our California literature, our Southern literature, our Boston literatuie, our Pike County literature, our Eleventh Street between Sixth and Seventh Avenues literature, and what not! It is very gratifying, to say the least, that there are as many brands of literature as of cigars, and that the man with a weakness for any particular quarter can satisfy his longing by investing in the novel of the specialist who covers it. The horse thieves of the California days of ’49 are lifted into realms of poetic ecstasy by reading ‘‘’Tennessee’s Partner,” just as the London thieves in this country for their health are by ‘‘ Oliver Twist,” and the ex-slaves, waiting on tables in restaurants, are by the score of negro dialect romancers of the South. But, to come to the point, we have lately been treated to a few brief histories of the lit- eratures lingering about us; and these histories have been, strictly speaking, largely biographi- cal; have given pictures of the subjects of the biographies, and have been noteworthy for telling us what they have done, and of the golden harvests promised. Now we are going to give a brief history of the literary movement in Trombone, Dakota. This humble, little, out-of-the-way place, situated on top of a sand hill, miles from any railroad, is too modest to speak for itself. It is a place where one would scarcely turn for polite accomplishments; but, in fact, within its tumble-down precincts exists a little literary band whose mem- bers strike ‘‘deep notes” with ‘‘sure hands,” and who have a “sincerity of purpose” which will, some day, see them sleeping with Theocritus. It is pleasant to open this little list of biographical sketches with Emily Lums- den Skatts. Miss Skatts is the only daughter of a wealthy ranchman, and was educated under the eye of a governess, there being no good schools in that district. Her ma- ternal grandfather was a Hindoo and from this relative, Hieronymus Bobo, she has inherited a natural love of all that is beautiful and luxurious, as will be readily seen by any one who reads her charming little. book of essays and sketches recently gathered into book form, and published un- der the general title of ‘‘ Lotos Blossoms.” But perhaps her best efforts are those that deal with her present home, namely, ‘‘ A Trombone Pastoral,” ‘‘ Skeetsy Wims’s Ba- by,” and “The Pine Top Ghost Club.” These stories were written by their author without any idea of their literary value; and the world owes a debt of gratitude to the friend who chanced to read them, and advised her to submit them to a publisher. Herbert Wickliffe Van Dusen was born and raised in Trombone. Having lost his parents at the age of six, he was taken care of by a ranch- man who was a friend of his father. This kind-hearted man was not in a position to give his ward the education which his natural ability merited, and he was literally brought up in the saddle. With the exception of at- tending a district school one winter, Mr. Van Dusen never crossed the threshold of any institution of learning; but during this winter he learned to read. He became very fond of the poems in his reader, and the teacher, learning this, gave him for a prize a copy of ‘‘Scott’s Poems,” Thus equipped, he would ride about the ranch with the bridle in one hand and **Scott” in the other. He then began to dabble in verse, and having one day submitted a couple of his poems to the editor of the Zrombone Herald, that kind- ly gentleman discerned a “‘golden prom- ise,” printed the poems, and gave the blushing author the position of reporter. He then began to: work in earnest, and poem after poem came from his pen only to increase his reputation. His “Trombone at Sunrise” is one of the finest bits of word painting in the language, and having sent a copy of it to Mr. Longfellow, that kindly old gentleman found time to write him a letter full of appreciation and encou ragement, Susan Dollinger Yandell is one of the most graceful and charming of She is not a native of Trombone, but Having been thrown from a horse at the age of twelve, she met with a misfortune which made it neces- This misfortune, naturally, caused her to avoid any exercise that required a great strain, and becoming sed- entary, she first acquired the book habit, and then turned her attention to literature, as much for amusement as anything else. She is also a strong We frequently meet poet-painters and painter-poets ; and, truly, Miss Susan Dollinger Yandell is both, Although she does not employ rhythm and rhyme, her writing is the essence and soul of poetry Reuben Onslow, Esq., the proprietor of the Trombone House, gave her a neat sum to paint a picture of his establishment, with the stage Trombone’s little literary band. has lived there since she was ten years old. sary for her to use crutches for life. landscape painter. itself. coach at the door at the busiest hour of the day. ‘Two of her pictures were also hung and sold at good prices in the Silver City Academy. Anita Wiggery Primrose has been blind since the age of eight. But from her dark world she casts sunshine into this, and makes the flowers seem sweeter and the skies brighter. She loves to be rolled around in an invalid’s chair, and when she is enjoying this daily pleasure she composes her poems, and on returning home recites them slowly to her brother, who acts as her editor. All her poems are characterized by a tender resignation that make them beautiful and sad. She is like the nightingale that sings in the dark, only to bewitch the hearer with her divine melody. Her poems, ‘‘ Comfort in Sorrow,” ‘‘ Resignation” and ‘‘ Above the Storm the Sky is Blue,” all printed in The Christian Soldier, are 209 full of chastened beauty, and show at once the hand and the heart of a poet. Her book, or rather booklet, entitled, ‘‘’The Widow’s Cruse and Other Poems” is one of the strongest first books we ever had the pleasure of reading, and some of the poems in it will go into the anthologies, and become favorites for all time. Trombone is justly proud of its literature and its makers, and, hav- ing such material, it is not to be wondered at. look to this quarter patiently and lovingly for the fulfilment of that ‘‘ golden promise” which is evident in the compositions of its every poet and story writer; and when that promise is fulfilled, as we have no doubt it will be, then will Trombone take its place among the literary centres of the United States, and be even as New York and Boston. Mad y) if hs Sa | And we shall continue to | : R. K. M. | /Y Tuose New Lonc-Stremmep Fye-Gtasses. Victor (tremblingly).—\ wuz a leetle late wiv de tea, Missy Clemmis; but ’r don’ see no ’casion fer ter sprung a raz- zer on yo’ help! é

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210 PUCK. oe oa ce > 7 2 meen SSS AGT we 2 nM aTiTivaet Oo PAUCAT Ut bau seater cantante )) =. ‘eo fl fl Il. HE CHERRY BLOoMs are blowing, For this is rosy May; The drayman’s roughly throwing Your chattels on the dray ; The lamb is gaily vaulting Upon the sunny slope, And man flies somersaulting, Down-stairs upon the soap. Il. The bluebird sweet selections Is singing in the mead; 7" The hen in all directions ww wag Is kicking up the seed; And like a precious nugget The buttercup doth shine, Where Axminster and drugget Are beaten on the line. FOR OUR LITTLE READERS. Tue Poer. Who Is THAT Man Coming this way? Oh, he is a Poet. Why do you look so sur-pris-ed, children? Because he is fash-ion-a-bly dressed ? You were under the im-pres-sion that All Poets wore clothes Cut in the style of the season before Last and had Long hair. Some of them do, but this gen-tle-man is not that kind of Poet. He wrote two sonnets this morning, and is Going to sell them for enough money to pay two weeks’ Board. He is going to sell them to McDent & Co., for they Both sing the Praises of McDent’s Un-ri-val-led Tooth Wash. THe CLer-Gy-Man, H, CHILDREN, get onto this poor, Tired looking gen-tle-man who is ap-proach-ing! Do you Not feel sorry for him? /do, I feel so very sorry that I Would just like to Take his place tor the Next three months. If I were per-mit-ted to Do so, what would Happen to me? Why, I should Goto _ Now windflower and arbutus Unlike the gyascutus, In rapture eats the jimson, Blue, purple, pink, or crimson— SOMETHING. III. v. Now May serenely blushes, And joy ’s each bosom’s guest, While sing the jays and thrushes About the new-made nest; And rapture ’s the despoiler Of every care and ill, While Polly puts the broiler To brown upon the grill. Light up the woodland rug— The blithe potato-bug Or any flower prim, It’s all the same to him. IV. R. K. M. The housewife now is scrubbing The stoop with vim intense— eS The billy-goat is rubbing w~ - His sides against the fence; The dog is joyous rolling About upon his spine, And now it is consoling, On lamb and mint to dine. wl ~ re ow Breathless Suspense, and that he is Going to make Big Money. In about a month he will be Back in the city ex-plain-ing that his failure was Due to beastly Bad man-age-ment. Must it not be Nice to be a Gifted Young Tra-ge-dian? Uncre Wie, A Dry Meat, Customer (at Sunday dinner ).—What kind of liquor have you got, waiter? Warrer.—I can give you some nice Adam’s ale, sir. Customer.—I don’t care for ale. No wine, waiter? Waitrer.—There ’s Crotonheimer, sir. Quire Lixety. Citizen (to New Yorx Gianr).—You will soon make a trip West, won’t you? New York Giant.— a Yes; before long! Citizen. — Farewell Europe at the expense of an ad-mir-ing con-gre- ga-tion, and Stay until Oc-to-ber, and have Dead Loads of fun, I should Also be in receipt of about Seven hundred dol- lars per month Sal-a-ry. For the Weary looking gen-tle-man is a pop-u-lar cler-gy-man. Why does he look So tired, and why must he Go to Europe? Because, dear children, his Health is un-der-min-ed. He always is That Way at this season of the Year, Tue Younc TRa-GE-DIAN, HAT CLOSELY SHAVEN GENTLEMAN, children, is a Young and Gifted Tra-ge-dian. How erect - os . EZ ‘is his Car-ri-age, is it not? Observe with what hau- CS teur he flings a Coin to the son of It-a-ly who has just pol-ish-ed his boots. He is in Funds just now, and he has the Big Head. Next week he is to go on the Road at the Head of a Summer Snap. He im-ag-ines that the country is a-wait-ing his ap-pear-ance as a Star in faces of his friends at the same time! 4A aD In THE Smoxinc Room. De Lancey.—Would you mind changing your seat, sir? Proressor Mitpmay (of the Suppression of Vice Society, who zs stealing a guiet smoke ).—Certainly not, sir! De Lancey.—Thanks! On the trip out, I played with another party of these from home?” Boston business men who had “never been abroad before,” and the clerical looking “Yes, sir,’ gentleman who sat just where you are, read his paper, my cards, and delight in the trip, I suppose? A Wire’s ANXIETY. Mr. Hawsuck (of the New York Legislature ).— I think Ill run down to New York fer a day, my dear! Mrs. Hawsucx.—What for? Mr. Hawsuck, — Oh, jest to see what the town requires in the way of leg- islative statesmanship. Mrs. Hawsuck (anx- zously). — Well, look out for them bunko - steerers, Josh, an’ don’t git lost! Out or Town. **T noticed your absence from your customary place in church last Sunday with some surprise,” remarked the minister to Mr. Hen- dricks, who was out walk- ing with young Bobby: ‘‘I suppose you were away a ? volunteered Bobby: ‘‘Pa was in Ho- boken last Sunday !” Siidaieihetilie sunita’ Miemavets yaad te, 6 chien eS

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———— ae PUCK. 211 How Ir Works. Watxinc Detecate.—Why does not yez quit? The Gov- ernor has given yez a half-holiday! Voice in Fore Dirt.—Shure, we can have a half-holiday anny other day, fer the same price! WHITE HOUSE NOTES. asHincTon, May 16.—(Sfecza/. )—Y our correspondent has received W recently several letters from ‘‘ Old Subscriber,” ‘Constant Reader,” et. al,, who complain because these dispatches contain none of those White House anecdotes which a portion of the daily press deals out so lavishly. ‘*Give us something about the private life of the White House occu- pants, Give us something funny about Hector,” writes ‘‘ Old Subscriber.” Aye, aye, so we will, thou dear perennial bore! not only through love for thee, but also in recognition of the seeming popular demand for this class of news, First, however, the writer must apologize to Pucx’s readers, if the following sketches of private life in the White House should contain one bright thought, or one line that is not insipid and impertinent. They are modeled after the aforementioned. anecdotes in the daily press, and if they were wot drenched with insipidity and impertinence, the reader might justly complain that the sketches were delusions and snares. Finally, it may be stated that the items of news following were col- lected by an enormous expenditure—of imagination. Puck cares nothing for expenses, when it is a question of getting news for its readers: * * * Yesterday, Mrs. Cleveland went shopping. She entered a dry-goods store on Pennsylvania Avenue, and asked a saleswoman to show her some gloves. She examined a sample pair. They suited her. ** What is the price?” she inquired. “Three dollars!” was the reply. . “‘Wrap them up!” said Mrs. Cleveland. The gloves were wrapped up, and paid for. And what did she do then? A novelist would, at this exciting junc- ture, digress into a verbose description of: something or other, so as to prolong the agonizing curiosity of the reader, and thus chain the attention while he padded out his book to the proper size. But one of the rules in Pucx’s office forbids the use of such literary artifices, so—to the point at once, After the gloves were wrapped up and paid for, Mrs. Cleveland took them, entered her carriage, and was driven to the White House. Perhaps some obtuse reader may not be able to see the humor of this anecdote. If, however, he sees its insipidity and impertinence, the writer will feel proud of his imitative talent. ok * * A very funny thing happened at the White House recently. One morning, while the President was breakfasting, the cook entered the room with agony depicted on every feature. He approached the President, as if to address him, but retired confusedly before opening his mouth. A few minutes later, he entered again, looking more determined, and, halting in front of the President, exclaimed: ““Mr. President, I have deceived you. I am an unhappy wretch. But I meant no wrong. I ordered rar preserves to be put on tne table, and that miserable Sally put jam here instead. I didn’t know it till a lit- tle while ago; and when I saw you eating jam for preserves, | knew you would think me the most deceitful wretch alive if you ever discovered what had been done.” “*T knew it was jam,” said the President quietly. At this quaint, witty, picturesque reply, everybody in the room laughed heartily, and the cook stared admiringly. W. L. Ruiorpon. Tue Excise Law. “You are looking fine, Dumley, said Featherly, on Monday morning: “*clear-eyed as a girl!” \ “I’m feeling tip-top,” responded Dumley: “‘ never better in my life!” **Nothing to drink yesterday, eh?” ““No; could n’t get a drop. Isn’t it a blamed outrage ?” A Feast oF Reason, “*What do you do with all the newspapers the passengers give you?” asked a gentleman of a Third Avenue Elevated brakeman: ‘‘I see you have a quantity there under the seat!” “Yes, sir,” replied the brakeman: ‘“‘I feed ’em to my goat. I’ma Harlem man!” DESPAIR. Tangled water-cresses Mat the crystal brook ; And the trout are madly Snapping at the hook. jT*oe THE wooden spigot, Maple sugar flows; And the dewy lilac In the garden blows, And the old book-keeper ’s Shivering with despair, While his pen he’s wiping On his dusty hair, Little boys are playing Marbles in the path; And the morning-glory ’s Twining up a lath. Thinking up a falsehood, Shortly to appall The firm, and gain the absence For a game of ball. ELF-POSSESSION IN A YOUNG WOMAN is well enough for awhile; but she should n’t keep it up too long. HERE WAS A GREAT MISTAKE made in the anatomy of man. The back- bone should have been on the stomach. T 1s saip THAT Mrs, Tennyson, wife of the ex-poet, can make good biscuits. She deserves a better fate. OTHING IN THE way of fruit will upset a man’s stomach quicker than a banana-peel. i i | il ALI ill iit tif THe GLamour OF THE FOOTLIGHTS. Scene in an Intelligence Office? Oh, no; it merely repre- sents an average morning in almost any dramatic agency, and these are young ladies who want to go on the stage and play Portia, Pauline, Juliet, Rosalind, and a few other easy parts.

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— aoe ——e LITTLE The old belated party knights Equip their hero for the fray— ROOSEVELT!!!— THE GRAND ( Yes, they who fought for equal rights, Through all the nation’s darkest day, The A

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K BUILDING. NY Puc place g-jack. * heohs Z Their only objects pay and Their champion—a jumpin And bring the spoilsmen’s slavery back— Their earlier steps would now retrace, RAND OLD PARTY MUST BE HARD-UP!

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214 OF THE KNIGHT. I’m one of the Knights of Labor, I’m going to do as I please; Who thinks like me is my neighbor— My doctrines?—for sample, take these: On principle I despise work, Supported by others I ’d be; No “‘ Heathen Chinee” or vile Turk, SSP A white man, all over—that ’s me! , awe) | think that the workman ’s a fool, ‘sn, Who in honest labor delights; i He refuses to be a tool, 4 He won’t join the Order of Knights. hi But, alas, he sticks to business, Pays his way, while he runs himself; If others did likewise, I tell you I should soon be put on the shelf, But while lots, who refuse to think, Like cattle are driven or led; I can count on plenty of drink; They strike, they go hungry—I ’m fed. For I am one of the Bosses— Work not with my hands, but my jaw; Thrive best on the workman’s losses— When he strikes, my money I draw. I’m one of the Knights of Labor, I’m going to do as I please; Who thinks like me is my neighbor, Who doesn’t, I ’ll bring to his knees. 1 mean what I say, by thunder! Still business shall paralyzed be; I'll rule, if J ’m not kept under— Jail only can paralyze me! James Nye. F THE COACH-DOG SHOULD once get spotted fever, we fear it would be the end of him. ComPLacENcY. Miss Francis (of New Haven, at the Myopia How these Boston women do dress, mama! There’s that I can actua'ly see the slipper-heels ! Mrs. Francis (charitably).—My dear, the more you will realize that distilled molasses can the metallic cartridge as a provider. J Hunt Ball).— a train so skimpy longer you live the never compete with ae A =)” Tue Inevirasre Scutpin. Cootey.—Give me a hand here, Perkins! I believe Filler ’s got an attack of the delirium tremens! Perkins ( who has just caught something new to him).— Hold on to him! Perhaps I can catch the rest of his menagerie if you ’ll give me time! PUCK. TO THE AMBITIOUS. OUNG MAN, never despair in your early attempts at writing for the press. Henry Ward Beecher once offered to furnish regular letters to a certain pablication at one dollar per letter, and his offer was refused. Suppose the manuscript you offer to your local sheet, in return for the paper for one year, is rejected, be not cast down. . Mr. Beecher was finally paid as high as two hundred dollars per column for his work, Fancy that! Two hundred times as much as he once offered to work for, and yet was refused a chance. The subscription price of your local paper is doubtless two dollars per annum. Strive on, and you may yet command four hundred dollars per column for the scintillations of your massive brain. Seize your pen and write how John Smith is shingling his barn. If your neighbor sneeze, or if your star Plymouth Rock hatches out fourteen chicks from a setting of thirteen eggs, use the wire. Let the world know the outlook for a big | hay-crop in your locality, and whose baby has the measles, Ferdinand Ward had no journalistic experience, yet he is said to now have a hand in the printing of one of the largest institutions in the State. If there be no hay, eggs, measles, babies, or other news in your neighbor- hood, try to be funny. It is very easy. CLarence STETSON. A Nice Curmare. Miss Wa po (of Boston ).—You sometimes have very warm weather in Chicago, do you not, Mr. Breezy? Mr. Breezy.—Occasionally ; but last summer the weather was delightful. I don’t think I sat down to dinner without my coat on more than two or three times during the entire season! Miss EDITH M. THOMAS’s poem, “‘’'The Crescent Moon,” in the /ude- pendent, is evidently a parody on the famous lyric: ‘‘ When this Old Hat was New.” But, in all probability, she considered the above re- frain sufficiently well known to be public literary property, and that it would be superfluous to acknowledge it in connection with the burden of her own sweet song: ‘‘ When this New Moon is Old.” Gettinc Even. Srrancer.—What is the most powerful bomb you can make for me? Anarcuist.— Well, sir, give.me money and time enough, and I can construct an implement of devastation which would shake the whole city of New York like a house of cards! Srrancer.— Would it make much noise? Anarcuist.—My dear sir, the concussion would be felt for hundreds of miles. Srrancer.—You don’t say so! My friend, you can build me one of the machines, and have it done next Saturday night, if possible. Anarcuist.—Excuse me, sir; are you a Socialist? Srrancer.—Not to any great extent; but I live next door to a fash- ionable church with a bell-ringing sexton. I want to play a little joke on him when he starts the circus Sunday morning.

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A ReasonaB_e PRICE. Customer (to Boston Bartender.) —How is it you charge me fifteen cents for whiskey, while the gentleman who just went out only paid ten? Bartrenper.—You called for the best whiskey ! Customer.— Yes; but the liquor was from the same bottle! Barrenver.—I can’t help that, sir! We charge five cents for the adjective! COLERIDGE IS RULED OUT. IRST BOSTON GIRL. — We are tired of our F Browning Societies. Let’s start another. Seconp Boston Girt.—That’s so; and the Shelley Societies do not seem to be popular. Tuirp Boston Girt.—No; we must start something entirely new. How would a Walt Whitman Society do? First anp Seconp Giris (7# unzison).—Oh, he would never, zever do! He’s dreadfully im- proper. Tuirp Boston Girt.—Well, how would a Coleridge Society do? First Boston Girt.—He ’d do; he’s written some lovely poetry, hasn’t he? Tuirp Boston Girit.—Yes; he wrote ‘Kubla Khan,” and ever so many sweet poems. Seconp Boston Giri.—If he wrote “Kubla Khan,” he won’t do, either. First anp Tuirp Giris (7” unison ).—Why not? Seconp Bosron Girt.—Well, Ill tell you. I read that poem yesterday; and he actually (/ow- ering her voice to a whisper) says “‘pants,”” when you know any gentleman would say “trousers.” Tuirp Boston Girt (27 con- sternation ).—Does he, really? Seconp Boston Girt.—Indeed, he does! Here is the quotation: “* And from this chasm with ceaseless turmoil seething, As if the earth in thick, vast pants were breathing.” First anp Tuirp Girts (72 chorus). — That settles Cole- ridge’s claim! Seconp Boston Girt.—Yes; we ’ll have to stick to Shelley, I’m afraid. ING KALAKavA has twenty PUCK. THE SAD FATE OF COUNTING NICK. HAVE YOu EVER HEARD the terrible tale Of Nicholas Perkins Poppingale Who counted himself to death? He began by counting railroad ties, And then he fell to counting flies, I’m sure it is n’t any surprise That he finally lost his breath. A promising boy was little Nick, But the counting fever made him sick; I’ve heard of it before. When he took a step he counted that, He counted the purring of the cat, And counted the inches measured flat Of everything he saw. When he tried to play he had to stop For he could n’t keep up the count, and hop As fast as other boys. It’s hard to run and count your strides, And count the other boys’ besides ; And counting the pickets on sleigh-rides Robs sleighing of its joys. At every meal he counted each bite Which sadly impaired his appetite, And made him very thin. He counted each cry the baby gave When he went to sail, he counted each wave, He counted the snores of his brother Dave And the hairs on his grandma’s chin. It’s a pitiful tale and yet it’s true; And that counting boy was always blue, I never saw him smile. It’s all very well to count your cash; But counting the winks of a friend’s eyelash Or the number of bites in a plate of hash, Is really not worth while. N. P. Bascock. . TH WATER IN PHILADELPHIA js s> dirtv that before being used it has to be w ashed. REPARTEE. dancing girls retained in the royal service; and when he gets a little lonely over his wife’s absence, two hundred light fan- tastic toes trip that loneliness away. SerceanTt-Mayjor (a inspection).—Y our collar ’s soiled, sir. Don’t appear on parade in that condition again! Private (za a hissing whisper ).—I1’m goin’ to get transferred to your counter in the gents’ furnishing department to-morrow, so it ain’t likely I will. 215 Fe2 :-Pnrowns Singer rs Its stimulating property, being independent of alco- holic power, its effect as a frequent remedy need never be dreaded. + While it Strengthens and Refreshes the Debilitated in the Summer Season it is not less potent during the inclemency of WINTER, by warming with its health- ful tonic principle, and ena- bling the system to resist the influences of incipient DISEASES WHICH LURK in a CHANGING CLIMATE. WRIGHT & DITSON’S 5 Mh ie Bi, cas Sh y Baie pee Bas’ ADOPTED ‘pa LAWN TENNIS BALL, FOR SEASON OF 1887. Official Tennis Rules, by mail, 10 cents. Send for Tennis Catalogue. 296 fe WASHINGTON ST., BOSTON, MASS. Send one, two, three or five dollars for a retail box, by express, of the best Candies in the World, put up in hand some boxes. All strictly pure. Suitable for presents. ‘Try it once. Address ©, F, ousy ER, Confectioner, 19 adison St., Chicago. — PATENT COVERS FOR FILING PUCK. 75 Cents. By Mail $1.00. |

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eee eS 216 THE CELEBRATED = btu OS Are at Present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists. Warerooms: 149, 151, 153, 155 E. 14th St., N. Y. SOHMER & Co. ehleaee nite PAn ts W/o. Chestnut St St. § PRANCISGO- oC: 0, CAL.. 922 Market St. EPPS’S GRATEFUL—COMFORTING, COCOA JOSEPH GILLOTTS STEEL PENS Soto By ALL DEALERS Turoucnoutr He WORLD GOLD MEDAL PARIS EXPOSITION-1878. 315 CARPETINGS. We are showing this season the largest and most complete line of BODY BRUSSELS CAR- PETINGS ever produced. The quality of the zoods is of the highest class and the prices at which they are offered will com-' mend them as bargains to all economical house-= keepers. W. & J. SLOANE, Broadway, 18th and 19th Street, NEW YORK, 328 CLEAN, SWEET «4 APPETIZING Rae’s ‘Finest Sublime Lucca Olive Oil” we guarantee to be the purest and finest article of the Kind ever sold in this country. It is always of uniform excellence; smooth, delicate and appe- tizing, because made only from sound, ripe and fresh Olives. It is packed by Messrs. S. Rae & Co,, at Leghorn, Tuscany, Italy (where the condi- tions of climate and soil are specially adapted to the Olive wee), from the first pressings of the Olives, and only the choicest fruit is used. It is therefore an excellent article of food; because as eee clean, and sweet as good, fresh cream. very bottle warranted as represented. N. B.—Send your address and we will mail, Sree of charge, a beautifully illustrated book giv- ing full partic ulars about Olive Oil and the Olive tree. Ask your grocer for Rae’s Oil. Lf he dors not keep it, and will not supply you, write to the importers, FRANCIS H. LESGETT & CO., NEW YORK. Please muention this paper 3 S te Publisher, +Rochester.N.Y. PUCK. A woman’s will is strong, Believe it though you don’t; But you ’ll find out ere long, It ’s weaker than her won’t. — Somerville Journal. Kansas Ciry Man.—I suppose you ’ve never been in Kansas City, have you? Omana Man.—I was there last week. “Last week! Oh, but you ought to see it JUST ISSUED: Second Edition. An Illustrated GRAMMAR OF the German Game of Cards. Model Games, German Card-Table Talk and Playing Cards. 324 Crown 89. Cloth Extra, Gilt Top, $1.00, “The most delightfal of all games.”—N. Y. Times. “Skat is a power in German life.”—N. Y. Nation, B. WESTERMANN & CO., NEW YORK, now !”—Omaha World. Tue Seabrook (N. H.) selectmen have decided that a hen is not an animal. All those that have ever dined at a boarding-house will agree with them. The hen is a mineral.—Aurlington Free Press. DEN MUSEE. 55 W6s. 23*4 Street. Munsci Lajos and Prince Paul Esterhazy’s Orchestra. Daily two Grand Con- certs. Admission, 50 cents; Sundays, 25 cents. The Subscription-Price of PUCK is FOUR DOLLARS PER YEAR. wocorac? SAMANTHA @T SARATOGA” By JOSIAH ALLEN’S WIFE. FUNNY HITS. ONLY BY SUBSCRIPTION. Wall, Josiah Allen would an and look at her by the ho’ be eg emia the whirl of fashion at Si: oga, it takes off its follie flirtatio: c, tobous anin ? ete» sr the author's inimitable mirth provoking ing. the water 7 br my to rao dftustrations by é Reet ki ee) curs. SELLS LIKE FUN. there is a sight of flirtin’ done at Saratoga. I ane Mt hear so much about it as Josiah did, aoe ly there are things that are talked of more ‘amongst men than women. I told him from the first on't that he’d better let it gms alone. But he seemed sot. He said “it wuz more fashion- able amongst married nen and wimmen, than more single ones,” he said ‘it wuz dretful fashionable amongst pardnets.” Pe i 8 5% o- pth eh do with it.” ‘Of course,” sa; e “You need’nt have nothin’ to do with it. It is nothin’ you would want tofoller up. And I would ruther see you sunk into the ground, or be sunk myself, than to see you goin’ intoit. Why,” pays b he sav 4 % would Sore man f im, i to flirt with you.” (Josiah Allen w orships me.) “But” says he, more piaciser like, “men feed to do things sometimes that na be eg to do. ere WuZ & YO English aboardin’ to the same place we ‘and. She dressed ine on me like a young man, ee & cane, etc. eorex‘ = one if the pper an i. . upper 0, a Z as a 4 & pil and I see one to try his experiment with. But I could seo hat she was one of the girls who would flirt with the town pump, or the meetin’ house steeple, if she couldn’t ge no aot else to flirt with. 326 8, low neck dressing, ple crazy to get it. Selling Price $2.50. Agents wanted. Apply to HUBBARD BROS. Pubs. Philadelphia. SMILES ARE BECOMING "HTH The shells of the ocean yield no pearl = DISPLAY PRETTY TEETH can exceed iti beauty teeth whitened and cleansed with that incomparable Dentifrice, Fragrant SOZO DONT, Which hardens and invigorates the GUMS, purifies and perfumes the BREATH, beautifies and preserves the TEETH, from youth to old age. ; By those who have used it, it is regarded as an indispensable adjunct of the toilet. It thoroughly removes tartar from the teeth, without injuring the enamel. ONE BOTTLE OF SOZODONT WILL LAST SIX MONTHS. It is an exceedingly economical and mn Ne dentifrice. Purchasers are requested to note the size of the bottle, and particularly to remem ner that, unlike tooth powders and tooth pastes, there is no waste. Each bottle has a sprinkler top, so that any number of persons may use the same bottle. SOZODONT is a shining mark for the unscrupulous who seek to trade upon its = reputation, by representing valueless compounds as superior to or similar to it, but which are nicions to the teeth. Sozodont, on the contrary, beautifies and preserves them. Nofhing resem Jes it in properties or com eo. 1, or is comparable to os rsuaded that anot zodont. it but itself. Therefore, do not allow yourself to er article offered as a substituie will produce the same effects, or is as pure a aes — not

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tion to the South Pole. PUCK. 217 Norpensxjotp, the * Norwegian expjorer who has succeeded ijn making the European nordwest pjassage, is njow con- templating ajn expedi- Mo t il a We shjould think that Soudernskjold would be | a better man for that | trijp. However, it’s a | skjold day whejn Knorr- wegjan gets lejft.— Brooklyn Eagle. Ar THE THEATRE,— Lirtrte Boy.—Papa, what does that man in front of us wear that funny little black cap for? Fatruer.—Sh! He is bald-headed. He wears it so he shan’t catch cold from the drafts. Lirtie Boy.—Are all these ladies bald-headed, too?—Boston Tran- script. A poet writes: ‘I |, know sweet songs I can |, not sing.” ‘There are a ! great many other per- sons in the same predica- ment; but, unfortunate- ly, they insist upon singing them.-—.Vorris- town Herald. HAVE EXPERI- enced great relief by tak- ing Adamson’s Botanic Balsam for Asthma. I would also state I can go up stairs and walk fur- ther than I have in some time without feeling weary, as I have in the past.—Mrs. L. F. Bells, 365 East Broadway, N.Y. Kias- man’s, 25th St., & 4th Ave. en fy / (( I VA tlie @e Dr a ‘ogg GZ ER' ‘AD an My a) @ Q Ci U7 towns te meatrennort | IW DORSED BY THE BEST JUDGES. ESTABLISHED IN LONDON 100 YEARS. CHAMPION OF TWO CONTINENTS. An Interesting Comparison of the digestive organs all over the world. Have it in your house. Ask your grocer or druggist for | Sale Universal. the genuine article, manufac- tured by Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & ons, =“ SANITAS" == Nature’s Disinfectant, THE PINE FOREST at HOME. Should be in Every Household. 100,000 LIVES ANNUALLY LOST IN THE UNITED STATES, from Scarlet Fever, Small Pox, Malaria, Dy- seutery, Enteric Fever, Measles, Diptheria, Whooping Cough and Diarrhoea, can be saved by the regular use in every household of “SANITAS,” THE BEST DISINFECTANT, which is colorless, non-poisonous, does not stain linen and is fragrant. “* Actuated y the same impulse which makes us turn our faces towards a fresh breeze” we “grasp a bottle of ‘Sanitas’ in a sick, room. ” —ANNIE THoMas in “ Eyre of: Blendon.” “SANITAS” FLUID, OIL, POWDER, SOAPS, &c. 40 Cents each Preparation. To be had of all Druggists, and of the American & Continental ‘Sanitas” Co., (Limited.) 636-642 West 55th Street, N. Y. 172 THE WORLDS GREAT BREWERIES. Decidedly the greatest beer producing countries in the world are Germany and Austria, The manufacture of the natioual beverage and its consumption is a matter of investigation and comment for every traveler that has visited and written of those States. Many have gone be- hind the commercial feature of the industry, and have found in the production, fostered and protected as it is by the Government, a solution of the stability of the people. The people themselves, instead of fretting under the ordinary cares of life that carry more volatile neigh- bors into insurrection, absorb a philosophical quiet with the nectar of Gambrinus that saves them from the conse- quences of rashness. Small wonder that they cherish their colossal Brauerein and that the Government fosters them. The last annual official statistical showing of the pro- duct in Germany and Austria has just been received here. According to this report, the output of the six leading breweries of Germany and Austria, in 1886, was the following: Barrets. | 1. Spaten Brewery, Munich, (Gab. Sedlmayer, Prop.). . 363.17 2. Anton Dreher, Vienna....es....0+ +++ (ebihedets sane Ce 3. - go Brewery, Munich.........2.. eesccesecesceccess 252.750) 4 5 PEE, VERE vsccccccccoseess cocseccescoccoses 299.480 ao Pschorr, Munich....... es 6. Liesing Actien Brewery, Vienna.. .-- 170.764 Total, 1. 670, 564. There are ee small establishments, but these six x larger ones serve to give some idea of the magnitede PICKINGS FROM PUCK. _THIRD CROP. Price, Twenty-Five Cents. For Sale Everywhere. of the industry in those countries In the manufacture of the quantity of beer shown in the product of these six breweries, over one hundred and forty millions of pounds of malt were used. To those of our own community who are not tinged with prohibitory theories there will be some satisfaction in learning that St. Louis, Mo., has not only the largest brewery in this country, but the largest in the world. The Anheuser-Busch Brewing Association, in the period covered by the official report from which the above is taken, manufactured and sold 1,312,000 gallons | of beer, equaling 410,000 Barrels. an excess of more than 10 per cent. above the production of the Spaten Brewery of Munich, the largest European | brewery. Experts in the manufacture of beer are not slow to say that the quality, also, of the Anheuser-Busch beer excels that of its European rival in about the same ratio. This opinion is not only that of American judges, but in every European exposition in which the beer of the Anheuser-Busch Brewing Association has come into competition with that of all the above-named breweries, it has been awarded the first premium, In every Euro- pean capital medals have been given to them showing that they surpassed all other exhibitors in the quality of the beer manufactured. These awards have not been | merely occasional, but record a succession of triumphs. PICKINGS FROM PUCK.—THIRD CROP. Price, Twenty-Five Cents. For Sale Everywhere,

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218 | Owe My Life. CHAPTER I. “‘I was taken sick a year ago With bilious fever.” *sMy doctor pronounced me cured, but I got sick again, with terrible pains in my back and sides, and I got so bad I Could not move! I shrunk! From 228 Ibs, to 120! I had been doctoring for my liver, but it did no good, I did not expect to live more than three months. I began to use Hop Bitters. Directly my appetite returned, my pains left me, my entire system seemed renewed as if by magic, and after using several bottles, I am not only as sound as a sovereign, but weigh more than I did before. To Hop Bitters I owe my life.’ Dublin, Fune 6, ’36. R. Fitzpatrick. CHAPTER I. *« Malden, Mass., Feb. 1, 1886. Gentlemen— 1 suffered with attacks of sick headache.” Neuralgia, female trouble, for years in the most terrible and excruciating manner, No medicine or doctor could give me relief or cure, until I used Hop Bitters. “The first bottle Nearly cured me;” : The second made me as well and strong as when a child, ** And I have been so to this day.” My husband was an invalid for twenty years with a serious *¢ Kidney, liver and urinary complaint. «*Pronounced by Boston’s best physicians — « In- curable!” Seven bottles of your Bitters cured him and I know of the «« Lives of eight persons ” In my neighborhood that have been saved by your bitters. And many more are using them with great benefit. «¢ They almost do miracles!” —Ms. E. D. Slack. How to Get Sick.—Expose yourself day and night; eat too much without exercise, work too hard without rest, doctor all the time; take all the vile nostrums advertised, and then you will want to know How to Get Weti.—which is answered in three words— Take Hop Bitters. Hardened Liver. Five years ago I broke down with kidney and liver complaint and rheumatism. Since then I have been unable to be about at all, My liver became hard like wood; my limbs were puffed up and filled with water. All the best physicians agreed that nothing could cure me. I resolved to try Hop Bitters; I have used seven bottles; the hardness has all gone from my liver, the swelling from my limbs, and it has worked a miracle in my case; otherwise I would have been now in my yrave. J. W. Morey, Buffalo, Oct. 1, 1884. Write This Token of the great appreciation I have of your * * * Bitters. I was afflicted With inflammatory rheumatism ! ! ! For nearly Seven years, and no medicine seemed to do me any Good!!! Until I tried two bottles of your Hop Bitters, and to my surprise I am as well to day as ever I was. 1 hope «You may have abundant success” In this great and ” Valuable medicine: Anyone * * wishing to know more about my cure? Can learn by addressing me, E. M. Williams, 1103 16th street, Wash., D. C,

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PUCK. **T near Miss Brown wants the post-office,” remarked Tompkins. “Indeed,” said Brown: ‘‘ Of course, the salary is n’t large, but it will help her some, I suppose.” “‘Yes,” said.Mrs, Brown: ‘‘and there are the postal cards, too.” —Pittsburgh Dispatch. Arter all, the greatest fishery-trouble is when they won’t bite.—San Francisco Alta. Ir is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know you would lie were vou in his place.—Hartford Synday Journal. A GENEROUS OFFER. NO RISK, NO LOSS. Dr. Taylor’s Catarrh Cure is sold under a guarantee th t if pur- chaser is not convinced of its merits after a ten days’ tril, the _price, $2.50, will be refunded on its return to the principal depot, City Hall Pharmacy, 264 Broadway, New York. Send - = stamp for pamphlet. ‘Private Club GRAND CHAMPAGNE. FELIX JACQUIN, EPERNAY, FRANCE,

Highest Grade Imported. L. E. WILMERDING, GENERAL AGENT, No. 3 South Wiiliam Street, N. Y. City.

For SALE BY Leading Wine Merchants AND WHOLESALE GROCERS. DYSPEFSIA muaee. Prove | Collector. | Sent t free to on prob OZZONI’S | COMPLEXION Imparts a brilliant transparency to the skin. Re- a all pimples, freckles and discolorations. For sale by all first-class druggists, or mailed for 50 cts. D E R in stamps. by J.A. POZZONI, gw Ss. Leute, Mo. CRANDALL & CO., 569 3D AVE. Estab'ished 1841. Wholesale and re tail. Odest, largest, and most reliable baby carriage factory in the United States. Newest and best styles to select from. Our patent bab carrtage spring indorsed by highest authority, J. B. Brewster & Co., of 25th St., and by Dr. Shrady, as safe and healthful. Also, large stock velocipedes, wagons, doll carriages, &c. Catalogues free. 322

oo mane the experience of an actual sufferer, H. MCALVIN, Lowell, Mass , 14 years Tax 827

)_ 888

BITTERS. An excellent appetizing tonic of site flavor, now used over the whole world, cures Dyspepsia, Diarr' se Fever and Ague, and all disorders of the Digestive ns. A few drops imparts delicious flavor to a glass ofchampagne, and to all summer drinks. Try it, beware of counterfeits. Ask your grocer or Cpe for ss genuine article, manufactured by DR. J. G. B. SIEGER’ 3. W. WUPPERMANN, SOLE AGENT. R1 BROADWAY. Wy. ¥. HE AMERICAN CYCLES DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE

ON APPLICATION. GORMULLYaJEFEERY tA = MFG. CO.=—- & CHICAGO, iit. 7 | o RGEST MANUFACTURERS IN AMERICA

Its Nature, | Causes, Prevention and

FROM THE SECRETARY OF THE OLYMPIC ATHLETIC CLUB. 93 Nassau STREET, New York, May 1gth, 1886. I desire to publish my unsolicited appreciation of the value of ALLcock’s Porous P1.asteks for strains, stif{ness, etc. Having had a severe strain of an important muscle, and desiring to run ina series of athletic games, I suc- cessfully used an Attcock’s Porous PLASTER as a binder, and with great relief to the parts affected. I have known them to have been success- fully used by some of my fellow-mem- bers for sprains, stiffness and other in- juries received while in the pursuit of athletic honors. I can highly recom- mend Atticock’s Porous PLASTEks to all athletes. S. BisHop Marks.

| “Barry's i Tricopherous FOR THE HAIR. The Oldest and the Best. Removes all impuri-

Exquisitely perfumed. ties from the scalp, prevents baldness and gray hair, and causes the hair to grow Thick, Soft, and Beautiful.

son HOLA, a2 QD) om MONARCH SHIRTS | ,,, |SOLD BY LEADING DEALER6} “FUST THE THING FOR SUMMER WEAR."

OUR SPLENDID ASSORTMENT OF SCOTCH CHEVIOTS, HOMESPUNS, TWEEDS, ETC. IN STRIPES, NEAT AND TASTY EFFECTS. Suits to order from + oe ee $20.00. Trousers ** = ees es 5 00. Wa Gralove 771 Broadway, Corner Ninth Street. (Bowery Business carried on temporarily at above address.)

Seunples and self-measurement rules mailed on application. | iL E Instant relief. Final cure ond never a returns. Noindelicacy. Neither er pe Ven urge, salve or suppository. Liver, kidney andall bowel troubles—especially constipation —cur- ed like magic. - erers will learn of asimple remedy by ad J. H. REEV: ES, 78 Nassau St., N. ¥. 752 Is a first-class trade, be a a learn our school, 2,500 graduates at work. We will teach you thorou ghly; and put you at work in either © ommerctal: or a allroad eigaraphy The or our cire Great West culars, VALENTINE Ros, JANESVILLE, WIS.

Page 15

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Waltham | Timing Watches. With or Without Split Seconds, and Minute Register. MANUFACTURED AND GUARANTEED BY THE American [Waltham [Watch (., WALTHAM, MASS. THE WALTHAM CHRONOGRAPH combines an ACCURATE stop- watch for sporting, astronomi- cal and general scientific pur- poses, with a RELIABLE time- keeper for ordinary use. The mechanism to start, stop and fly back is of the most simple and durable construction and is independent of the other parts of the movement. The Waltham Watch Factory is the oldest in America, the most extensive and best

equipped in the world, and produces the finest and best watches made. FOR SALE BY ALL FIRST CLASS JEWELERS. 260

One Agent (Merchant only) wanted in every town for TANSIES NOY 5 th Demand unprecedented. R.W. TANSILL & CO.,Chicago

BOKER'S BITTERS

The Oldest and Best of All STOMACH BITTERS, AND AS FINE A CORDIAL AS EVER MADE. To be had in Quarts and Pints. L. FUNKE, JR., Sole Manufacturer and Proprietor, 78 JOHN STREET, NEW YORK.

THOUSANDS ATTEST TO THE CURATIVE POWER OF EDWARDS’ for ba Nerves and Appetite. It will itively cure chronic ty per no matter of how = WILD CHERRY TONIC «*" ing. For sale by E. C Hazarp &Co.. C. N. CRITTENTON, 115 Fulton 8t., N.Y., WILD CHERKY M’F'G. CO., Elizateth, N. J. $1.00 per bottle. PROSPECT BREWERY, Cor, Eleventh and Oxford Streets, PHILADELPHIA, PA. Vhe highly Celebrated BUDWEIS LAGER BEER from this Brewery is particularly adapted to Export in Barrels as well as in Bottles. Its keeping qualities are unsurpassed. We ‘Iso recommend our HERCULES MALT WINE as the purest, most wholesome, and cheapest Extract of Malt in existence, 7°99

PUCK. A Cuicaco man has paid one thousand dollars for a copy of the Bible. A swindling Omaha agent told him it was just out.—Zx. OrpHEUS Was a musician whose music had power to draw rocks, etc., toward him. The modern street musician has the same power.— Tid- Bits.

CONSUMPTION CURED. An old physician, retired from practice, having had placed in his hands by an East India missionary the formula of a simple vegetable remedy for the speedy and permanent cure of Con- sumption, Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma and all Throat and Lung Affections, also a positive and radical cure for Nervous Debility and all Nervous Complaints, after having tested its wonderful curative powers in thousands of cases, has felt it his duty to make it known to his suffering fellows. Actuated by this motive and a desire to relieve human suffering, I will send free of charge, to all who desire it, this recipe, in German, French or English, with full directions for preparing and using. Sent by mail by address- ing with stamp, naming this paper, W. A. Noyes, 749 Power's Block, Rochester, N. Y. 772 Fifth Avenue Riding Academy. ANTONY & RUNK, PROPRIETORS, 5th Avenue and 90th Street. THE LEADING RIDING SCHOOL IN THE CITY. Riding thoroughly taught. Special attention paid to ladies and children. Send for circular. FACE, HANDS, FEET, and all their imperfections, including Faciaa Development, Hair and pole, Superfluous Hair, Birth Marks, Moles, Warts, Moth Freckles, Red Nose, Acne, B’Ik Heads, Scars, i Disease=— —= from —= PIMPLES to SCROFULA. KIN TORTURES OF A LIFETIME INSTANTLY RE- lieved by a warm bath with Curicura Soap, a real Skin Beautifier, and a single application of Curicura, the great Skin Cure. This repeated daily, with two or three doses of Cuticura Kr- SOLVENT, the new Blood Purifier, to keep the blood cool, the per- Spiration pure and unirritating, the bowels open, the liver and kid- neys active, will speedly cure Eczema, tetter, ringworm, psoriasis, lichen, pruritus, scall head, dandruff, and every species of torturing, disfiguring, itching, scaly and pimply diseases of the skin and scalp, with loss of hair, when physicians and all Known remedies fail. Sold everywhere. Price, Curicura, soc.: Soap, 25c.; Ra- SOLVENT, $1. Prepared by the Porrer DiuuG ANnp Mevicat Co., Boston, Mass. @@ Send for ‘“* How to Cure Skin Diseases.” P| MPLES. blackheads, chapped and oily skin prevented by Cuticura Mepicatep Soap.

MARVEIAOU S MEMORY DISCOVERY. Wholly unlike Artificial Systems—Cure of Mind Wandering. Any book learned in one reading. Great inducements to correspondence classes. Prospectus, with opinions in full of Mr. Proctor. the Astronomer, Hons, W. W. Astor, JUDAH P. BENJAMIN, Drs. MINOB Woon, REV. FRANCIS B. DEN1O, The Christian Advocate, MARK TWAKEIN, and others, sent post free by PROF. LOISETTE, 237 Fitth Avenue, N.Y.

Hy ALMOST AS PALATABLE AS MILK, The oil is so disguised that the most delicate stomach can take it without the slightest repugnance. Remarkable as a FLESH PRODUCER. - = Persons gain rapidly ws Pag i Li while taking it. SCOTT’S EMULSION Is acknowledged by numerous Physicians in the United States and many foreign countries to be the FINEST and BEST preparation of its class.

— FOR THE CURE OF — CONSUMPTION, SCROFULA, GENERAL DEBILITY, WASTING DISEASES OF = CHILDREN, and CHRONIC COUGHS. walepsten. SCOTT & BOWNE, New York. A. WEIDMANN. No. 306 Broadway, Corner Duane Street, New York.

Importer and Manufacturer of TOYS, FIREWORKS, | Masks, Gold and Silver Trimmings, Spangles and | other Material for Costumes, etc. * | Q is published every Wednesday, wok is Ioc, per copy, of all Newsdealers, The Subscription-Price of PUCK 1s FOUR DOLLARS FOR ONE YEAR. TWO DOLLARS FOR 6 MONTHS. ONE DOLLAR FOR 3 MONTHS. Payable in advance. Subscriptions are taken by all Booksellers, News- | | | dealers, 3rd and 4th class Postmasters, and Tue PuBtisHers or Puck, | Puck Building, New York.

Page 16

«« Fellow-members of this august body, ville Construction Company, to get their real nature and purposes? N ev er ! Our sacred duty shall we permit that bill through before we ide aa . grasping and heartless monopoly, the Boodle- have received a satisfactory explanation of its to our constituents forbids !” oO UR LAW MAKERS-THEY ARE The next day.—**1 feel that you will agree with me, gentlemen, that never in the history of this country has a more satisfactory explanation of any bill been given than the explanation which that courteous and public- spirited corporation, the Boodleville Construction Company, has given of this bill; and I'say to you, gentle- men, that our sacred duty to our constituents requires us to pass it without delay!” ALWAYS OPEN TO CONVICTION.