Puck 1880-01-14: Vol 6 Iss 149

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VOL. VJ.-No. oe, JANUARY 14, 1880. Price, 10 Cents. NG en OS stroge hota <\" r phe Teak 9 = Mowals el" PS yeaa x x ’ ee ee - - == i —— = “. eh 4 <e

PUBLISHED BY See Pee YORK Woe ome «OOF FICE No.2) - 23 WARREN ST. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. “= TRADE MARK REGISTERED 1878. — “ENTERED AT THE POST OFFICE AT NEW YORK,AND ADMITTED FOR TRANSMISSION THROUGH THE MAILS AT SECOND CLASS RATES”

DOING DON QUIXOTE AT A DISTANCE, Uncie Sam.—Why are you coming here to tilt with that windmill? Don QuIxoTE-PaRNELL.—Well, it is safer than the plan of my prototype—and more remunerative.

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728 PUCK.

PUCK. Nos. 21 & 28 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. ERMS Jo SUBSCRIBERS In the United States and Canada.

One Copy, one year, Or sa mUMbers.......cceeseeee « seve 6685.00 One Copy, six months, or 6 numbers... .......6+sseecerereees 2.50 One ow ee pe i cimiibeks. oxpderpeashs: seenes 1.25 dn England and all Countries in the Berne Postal Treaty: One Copy, one year, Or §2 MUMbers ....-.sseccesesccssceces $6.00 One Copy, six months, or a6 numbers ......scceseseeeeesees 3.00 One Copy, three months, OF 19 MNUMbETS 46. cscceeeessceeees 1.50 Inctupine Postacs, ILLUSTRATED BY... 666 ccccceeeeeeeseess JOS, KEPPLER, Businass MANAGER...... 6666055 A. SCHWARZMANN, BEBITOR, 0000 000 cs0: cocccccccccccooces H, C. BUNNER.

SFECIAL NOTICES. , Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to K LER & SCHWARZMANN.

Pucx id on Sale in London,at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY F. GILLIG & CO» 440 Strand, Charing Cross, and at THE INTERNATIONAL S COMPANY, 11, Bouverie Street, Fleet Street; in Glasgow, at G. F, ALLAN’S, 31 Renfield Street; in Paris, at TERQUEM’S, 15 Boulevard Saint Martin, and on file at the ‘‘ Herald’ Office, 49 Avenue de l’Opera. In Germany at F. A. BROCKHAUS’S, ide, Berlin and Vienna, NOTICN TO DEALERS.

The 4th Edition of Pucnx’s Annvat will be ready for delivery within the week. CONTENTS. A Careful Crusader, We Have Got It Right. Heap Good Talk. Unsolicited; But Appreciated. Quite the Correct Ki-bosh in its | Snow in Paris—illus. Way—illus. Electric Light—illus. PucKkeainas, Morning—poem.—Arthur Lot. Fitznoopie in America.— Mormons on the Rampage. No. CXVI. Quite an Invalid--illus. The Paper Bank. ore Bails. Song of the praised Re- | The Chess Congress. publican.—F, W: Literary Notes,

The Lion. The Theatres. A Remarkable Case—illus, ANSWERS For THE ANXIOUS. Diurnal Devotion (poem)—Ed- | The Adventures of Colonel Lie- ward Elton, big.— Arthur Lot. Mr. Mugeins Organizes a Soci- | Laurel Leaves for Puck’s AN- ety for the Prevention of Cru- NUAL, ty to Insects. Eph, Muggins.

Wy E all laugh at the famous old gentleman ( , who tilted at the windmills; but it is only fair to him to remember that the combat was a serious thing for him, if it was a joke to the structures tilted against. The last lingering belated flower of Spanish chi- earth; his poor old bones were sore bruised, and his ancient sinews stretched and strained. Yet he was honest in his pitiable folly, was this Don Quixote de la Mancha, and courage- ous withal; and his memory has a snug corner in our hearts, and a lofty niche in our respect, even though there is a chasm of centuries be- tween his hapless crusade and our practical, successful present, We may be matter-of-fact, rough-and-ready, brutal, even; but we still have it in us to respect courage and sincerity, even when courage and sincerity take it into their heads to “run to fool” in the matter of carving up chimeras or slaying extinct satans, Yet, to alter the famous words of Mr. Oliver Johnson, we may be sympathetic; but we are not blim-blanked fools, We aren't ready to expend that gift of the gods, divine sympathy, on any windmill tilting got up solely and ex- pressly to make our hearts and our purses bleed. We appreciate Don Quixotism, We are will- ing to give it all the admiration to which it is entitled. But it never was a marketable article; and we don’t propose to give any solid encou- ragement to the manufacture of worthless imi- tations. We commend these few casual remarks to a Mr. C. S. Parnell, who has lately landed on these shores, with a big tale of Ireland’s wrongs, and a bigger contribution-box, which we under- stand he is passing around in a very energetic style. But it won’t do. Our fellow-citizens by de-Dublinization will, no doubt, chip in freely, as every impecunious Fenian leader well knows. But they are learning, day by day, that their interests are with the country that now shelters them, and that Ireland gets neither good nor grace of the dollars they drop into the hat passed around by professional patriots. And they are quite likely to turn around on Mr. Parnell before he has gushed through one-half of his drumming-tour, and send him home a very much discomposed Irish agitator. It is all very easy, of course, to practise on the innocence and ‘“‘warm-heartedness” of the Irish exile. It is a good enough game, so far as it goes; but there is a limit to it. The heart of the Irish exile and the purse of the same have been pretty well pumped dry by several generations of traveling enthusiasts who “loved Ireland”’ for a business; and we doubt if there is very much for Mr. Parnell, either in the way of sympathy or in the way of shekels, Irishmen do not think too deeply about such matters; but when they do think, they act. And if they do not at once see that Mr, Par- nell’s ferocious tilt is directed against no more objectionable enemy than a harmless windmill; it probably will occur to them, sooner or later, that a battle-royal with an ocean between the alleged champion and the alleged danger is not, at the best, a very respectable or credit- able affair. HEAP GOOD TALK, Wo tr Point, M. T., Dec. roth, ’79. To the Editor of Puck—Sir: Enclosed please find 25 cents and 3 cent stamp, in return for which please send ANNUAL for 1880. Your paper is eagerly looked for by all of the Sioux Indians at this Agency, and when two of our chiefs here saw your cartoon on Indian troubles, they exclaimed: ‘‘ Wah con tonka, wingahack!”—(Big medicine and true). Respectfully, C, GILBERT HEDENBERG, Fort Peck Indian Agency, Wolf Point, Montana. Via Fort Buford, Dakota. P. S.—I inclose 25 cents in postage-stamps, as I cannot get a 25-cent piece on the Agency.

QUITE THE CORRECT KI-BOSH IN ITS WAY.

Eugene’s unique device for escaping the at-

at first. They are always too apt to slop over at the first mention of the name of Hibernia; tentions of “those howwid leap-ye-aw girls, Puckerings.

Sinc Haigh, the merry forger and the star! [variety.]

THESE good men are going wrong to an ex- tent that is seriously overworking the reporters,

Mr. Cyrus Figtp is on his way back to weep over the tomb of his ancestor—by purchase— Major John André,

From Beaconsfield, London, to Roberts, Cabui,— Liberal mass-meeting at Stoke-cum- Bubbley. Hang another Afghan.

How thin-skinned some men are! Here is Mr. Bogert has killed himself just because he embezzled $31,500. He must have been an amateur.

No, we don’t care to prosecute him. And we’d rather not talk to you. /Y%ease let us alone, You'll have somebody investigating ws next, if you make such a horrid fuss.— Various Banks,

PARNELL ought to hire Generals Beaurear- guard and Getup Early to hold the hat for him, and certify to the correctness of his distribu- tions, ‘They may be disengaged within a brief period of time.

A BoLp, bad, base, utterly untrustworthy man tells us that the following advertisement recently appeared in a city paper: ‘Wanted for adoption—a baby with a father. Address ‘Widow,’ Station Z.”

WE wish we were policemen. We would grab all the unsold tickets of the Looseyourhonor Lottery, just before every drawing, and haul in all the nice little reserved prizes of that noble institution that never scales or postpones,

‘I CAN cast a pitying eye upon an erring sin- ner with an imitative handwriting; and I be- lieve that the infinite mantle of charity should cover the little eccentricities of a habitual forger; but an improper theatrical female per- son I can not stand,” —A. Hewitt.

WHEN the enterprising swindler isn’t swindling, —isn’t swindling — When the ‘‘sinner” isn’t occupied in sin, —pied in sin— He loves to watch the big bank assets dwindling, —as it’s dwindling— And calculate the sum that he is ‘‘in’’, —he is “‘in.”

THEY are going to hang the man who sup- plied rotten wire for a big bridge over which thousands of people are to pass every day. [This is a lie. We wrote it to give foreigners a pleasant impression of the country; but we are afraid it is too attenuated to gain general credence. The man who is to be hanged is a wretched little ignorant Italian, who killed his wife in a fit of jealous fury. He is poor and unfashionable. ]

Very IrisH.—Mr. Dillon, Mr. Parnell’s Sancho Panza in this country, said in the course of his speech to the reception committee: “In Ireland we shall have something like 250,000 people without food for five or six months,” This is very sad; but we imagine that if these unfortunate persons are ‘without food”’ for about two weeks it is of very little consequence to them how much longer they remain in that

, you know.” condition.

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PUCK. ~ FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No. CXVI,. MASKED OPERA BALL, | Ya-as aw, gweat pwessure was bwought to bear on me to honah with YU, "ay pwesence a ball 7 ziven undah the dirwection of some fellaws who invar- wiably have we- served seats in the operwa house he-ah—in fact, are aw in the nature of a species of pwo- pwietahs of the establishment. The arwangement was pwoposed faw the purpose, I believe, of pwocurwing newscenerwy faw fewchah operwa wepwesentations, and the wesponse fwom the comparwatively wich fel- laws, I have weason to imagine, was tolerwably satisfactorwy. Miss Marguerwite pwewemptorwily wefused to go to this aw ball, although a gweat numbah of her fwiends were interwested. She ex- pwessed her opinion that public masquerwade was not the corwect thing, and aw I think she is not wong. They are all verwy well faw Fwench or forweign fellaws, but not at all adapted to people who come fwom Gweat Bwi- tain, or to Amerwicans who affect English mannahs, Aw there was only one solitarwy male cwea- chah wanderwing about :n a mask and some outwageous costume, and he naturwally looked verwy quee-ah. What an ass he must have felt, and pwobably was! The decorwations were composed of bwanch- es of twees, and were aw flowerwy and quite wespectable; and there was a faint wesem- blance to a bwidge ovah some watah in the ex- tweme backgwound; but black dwess-coats cwossing and wecwossing it did not have an extwemely artistic effect. There was a we- markable deficiency of bwight colah. Such was the pwivate opinion of Jack and myself. Some of the young women wore cwimson, and others verwy black dominoes. But the spirwit of the masquerwade which I have ob- served in Eurwopean affai-ahs of the kind was entirely wanting, and aw, on the whole, I was wathah glad to see it. It is a good sign, and is an indication of a pwopah elementarwy ide-ah of good bweeding, and well-meaning ef- forts to be wespectable, among these Amerwi- cans, As usual, I felt considerwably bawed, but it was almost necessarwy faw me to go, in ordah to encourwage othah aw men by my pwesence. Gilbert and Sullivan, fellaws who wite music and poetwy, were there. I even felt sorwy that a me-ah scwibblah and musician should carwy away with them such a verwy unsatisfactorwy impwession, fwom an artistic point of view, of Miss Marguerwite’s countwy, if this ball was to be looked upon as a wepwesentative Amerwi- can masquerwade arwangement, I am irwesistably constwained to make a few wemarks on some of the men pwesent, because, on the whole, they were of a bettah class than ordinarwily fwequent such entertainments. The gweatah numbah were aw young, and not so verwy bad-looking, were verwy fai-ahly dwessed, and in some instances looked like gentlemen. The pwincipal dwawback to their being altogethah in this categorwy is what Jack Carnegie calls their atwocious self-conscious- ness, An Amerwican wich club-fellaw who wants, and weally twies, to be a twemendously heavy card, cannot dwess himself faw the eve- ning without verwy often making himself widi- culous. If he we-ahs that verwy ill-looking single stud in his shirt-front, or a white waist- coat, etceterwa, he does it with an air of as much as to say: ‘‘See what a h-h-howling swell I am! Iam indeed aw, and vastly superwiah to any othah tellaw.” Then they also wevel in such caddish fopperwies as having their names or initials emblazoned and embwoidahed in gold fwinge, or something of that sort, on their cwush-hats, Aw horwid. Aw might just as well hang their names wound their necks. Our fellaws at home, ye know, always seem easy in their evening clothes, no mattah how extwavagant they may be in style or detail of dwess, The averwage Amerwican fellaw doesn’t aw. THE PAPER BANK. HE citizens of New York are not altogether unaccustomed to the collapsing of Banks; consequently the late melancholy failure of the Grocers’ Alleged Monetary Institution has not caused much more than a ripple of excitement. Why this particular bank should be coupled with the name of a respectable trade is not very clear; although a successful grocery-store- keeper is said to have had something to do with its foundation, We could have suggested many names for more appropriate. The Absconding Cashier’s Bank would not be a bad name, for the con- cern can boast of at least one cashier who ab- squatulated with a large amount of the bank’s fund, Every well-regulated institution ought to be able to do this, and the Grocer’s Bank did not intend to be out of the fashion; not much it didn’t, But the Steel Wire or J. Lloyd Haigh Bank, in view of recent developments, would have been much more appropriate titles. Mr. J. Lloyd Haigh, the gentleman who has so freely and promiscuously put his name to certain pieces of paper—not always in accordance with strict business principles— has been using the deposito s’ money as if it had been placed in the building solely for his special benefit. The sequel to his vagaries will probably be a little General Ses-ions, a dash of Tombs, and a con- siderable quantity of Sing Sing. Now, we trust, we shall not cause a monetary panic in Wall Street by expressing our con- viction that there are at least a dozen insti- tutions in this city in as bad if not a worse position than this miserable ricketty concern which has so deservedly come to grief. The principle on which these banks are started is simple enough. A successful trader or peddler is ambitious to be a bank president or director. He and his friends get a few dollars together and go to work to use the money of confiding depositors for making a splurge; and then, when they have permitted some rotten-wire swindler to overdraw about five dollars, the bank ‘‘ busts.”’ Moral.—Don’t put your money in weak banks, unless you have the inside track, can discount all the paper you please, or have the use of a hundred dollars for each ten cents you nominally deposit. SONG OF THE DISFRANCHISED RE- PUBLICAN. *Lonzo and his council were a set of cheats, They went to the State House and stole me all my seats; I went to the highest bench, complaining of my wrong; Said the bench: ‘Keep quiet, we’ll settle that ere long.” He went to ’Lonzo’s house, ’Lonzo was inside, He took the Constitution and whacked him on his hide; But hjs hide being manufactured of garcelined rhino- ceros-skin, He made no impression therein. F. W. V. THE LION. HERE is a very old Lion, who, in his youth, was a very terrible leonine article; ’ and is still, or ought to be, if his system Isn’t undermined by too much heavy Port and overdone Roast-Beef, quite a healthy old Lion. He used to do a great deal of fighting; but we are sorry to say that now, in his old age, his conversational abilities seem to be developing themselves rather at the expense of his material muscle; and he exhibits yearnings for Peace with Honor, in preference to War with the same accompaniment. So people in general are beginning to doubt his claims to the awe and reverence of the world. They see that the old Lion’s claws are growing long from disuse, and, indeed, curl- ing up and growing into his soft, fat paws. They see that he sleeps, very often, now-a-days, when the welves are abroad, coming down, as is the habit of wolves, on the defenceless sheep- fold. They see that he finds it convenient to open his awe-inspiring eyes only when some poor little jackal comes right under his big front foot; and, altogether, they are beginning to think that he has grown to be little better than a “circus lion,” after all. We think that if this Lion could only under- stand how his present way of behaving himself shocks his friends and celights his enemies, he would wake up and feel ashamed of himself and put aside what he calls his “ policy,” for the sake of what he calls his “ prestige.” Let us therefore whisper in his drowsy ear the tale of a boy with whom we used to go to school. He was the senior of all the boys. He had been so long at the school that he had more privileges than the other boys. He had several of the little lower-class boys for fags. He didn’t call them fags, for the cruel old sys- tem of fagging had long been abolished; but he constituted himself, as he said, their guar- dian. In many ways this was a good thing for the little fags; because, though he was severe, and took away almost all their toys and candy and pocket-money, yet he was not wholly un- kind; he made them learn their lessons, and behave themselves properly; and, between the boxing that he taught them and the name of his protection, they were pretty safe from the aggressions of the other big boys. But there came a time when our big boy seemed not to care to fight with the other big boys. He talked as loud as usual; but in one whole school-year he fought only once, and that was with a strange boy in a fur-cap. And then our big boy had one or two other big boys to help him. And he was careful not to interfere in the fights of the other boys. When two brothers fought with each other, he hit one secret blows from the rear; but he publicly announced that it was none of his fight. And when there came a terrible fight between two of the biggest boys in his class, he stood aloof while one was pummeled quite beyond pugi- listic propriety. Then he began to behave still more queerly. Once we all thought he was going to fight once more the fur-capped boy, who had a little dif- ference of opinion with a red-hatted boy who was generally supposed to be one of the “‘ pro- tected.”” But our boy only waited till these two had fought it out by themselves, and then he stepped in, and was very war-like, and took away some fags from both combatants. And finally he began to find his little fags rebellious, and to fight them most valiantly. Of course, he always whipped them in the end; but we noticed that the little fags very often got him down, and that they did not always stay whipped. So, by-and-by, somebody took heart and— Would the big British Lion like to know what happened to that boy? We'll finish the story for him some day. RS ENO

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ne a ce ee PUCK. ‘‘ This, gentlemen, is a remarkable case; he is subject to fits any moment, and—” A REMARKABLE CASE. ihe! } Hy s UO Ay The ‘‘case” suddenly takes a fit. DIURNAL DEVOTION, LUDLOW STREET JAIL, Dearest Maud: Jen; 12th, 1880. My pen shall Hera/d every hope, Pll Post you through the A/Zaz/, And some 7imes send a Jelegram While I’m confined in jail. At night you’ll Witness our bright Star, And through the day the Suz; But I am shut from all the Wor/d, With Mews from only one. A just Zridune will soon Express Some Graphic speeches pat, And be the Advertiser of An injured Democrat. | EDWARD ELTON. MR. MUGGINS ORGANIZES A SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO INSECTS. Dear Mr, Puck: I have felt, for many years, the need of some organized system of protection to that infini- tesimal class of beings whose limited sphere of action and deficient muscular development in- capacitate them from defending themselves against the inexpressible assaults of their more powerful, extensive, aggressive and implacable enemies, their human brothers in the Darwin- ian scale of existence—Men. Mr. Bergh has done much for society by throwing a halo of protection around the horse, the jackass, the hog and other noble works of nature, but it has been reserved for the under- scribed to project and develope an association of men of homogeneous minds and tender pro- clivities, whose whole lives will hereafter be devoted to the care and protection of the hitherto unprotected and uncared-for insect. Even dogs and cats, that eat of our subsist- ence, without affording us any adequate re- turn for their support, are comfortably housed, while the unfortunate flea, the industrious mos- quito, and even the diminutive gnat, have not only to shirk for themselves, but are relentlessly crushed out of existence on every possible oc- casion. All this is wrong. It is very hard, particu- larly on the flea. It is a solemn thing to be a flea, and never to know at what moment you may run your nose into a cloud of extermina-. ting bug-powder; and it is a sad, sad thing to be a mosquito, and just at the instant when bliss goes dancing through your veins as you drink in the ecstatic fluid that nourishes your vital frame, to feel the weight of a swift and savage palm mashing you into a shapeless and lifeless mass. For these, and some seven hundred and fifty- three other reasons, I got a few convivial friends together, and we proceeded to organize our SocIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO INSECTs, of which I was made the first honored and dis- tinguished President. I don’t know whether I shall speak to my friends any more, hereafter, or not. All things considered, I think I’d better not —at least, not to those of whom I have lately borrowed money. We appointed a Committee on Legislation, to visit Albany and Washington to secure the passage of necessary laws to authorize us to ar- rest any persons found inflicting bodily injury on any insect. Also to legislate against -the manufacture or sale of bug-powder, borax or Paris-green, for the annoyance or extermina- tion of potato-bugs, fleas, or other useful insects. We also appointed a committee to look after the personal welfare of the whole great family of insects, to take care of the maimed and wounded, to brush the powder out of the eyes and throats of such as have incautiously breathed the vile stuff, and to build a hospital where all the injured members of the persecuted race may be properly housed and cared for. Any contribution to aid in the furtherance of this benign and benevolent object may be sent direct to the office of Puck, where it will be at once taken care of. . Yours mercifully, EPHRAIM MUGGINS. A VALUABLE SUGGESTION. MR. Puck Your Reader Says gives us a Picture on Irish Starvation one Picture all Starveing with no help from Rome and the Priests then wher they get asitstence from America why ther are Milluns of them to Save ther (Soles) Soals (from there feet) Yours Respectfully READER. |WE HAVE GOT IT RIGHT. THAT “ DISINTERMENT ODE.” The Savings Bank of New London, Conn. New Lonpon, Jan. 5th, 1880. Editor of Puck: Dear Sir—I send you by this mail a copy of the Ze/egram, which will at least set me right in this rather disagreeable piece of business. The manuscript copy was furnished to a legal friend, who wished to send it to one of the counsel in the Hayden case. To my great an- noyance, he also sent it, without my knowledge, to our local luminary, and hence this dilemma. I suppose that all hands meant wed/, but it has placed me in a rather disagreeable position. With sincere regret at any annoyance that you may have suffered, I am, Yours very truly, WALTER LEARNED. 1fT HAPPENED THUS. Puck didn’t steal those rhymes, after all. While they were in Pucx’s hands, pending publication, a friend of the author became possessed of copies of them, and, not knowing that the original was with Puck, sent one copy to the Ze/egram and another to the counsel of Hayden. Being an exceedingly clever bit of rhyming, the Ze/egram published the lines, in blissful ignorance that Puck had the prior claim.—Mew London Telegram. UNSOLICITED ; BUT APPRECIATED. San Francisco, CAL., Dec. 20., ’79. Proprietors Puck.—Gentlemen: If the opinion of a professional ‘‘funny man”’ is of any value, permit me to compliment you on your ANNuAL, Take it all through it is the freshest and most genuine book of humor I have seen for many a long day—and it is my melancholy business to see them all. ““W. Jackson’s Treat” is worth “the price of admission” twice over even in these hard times. For this locality it hits the nail on the head exactly; and I hope you will pass along to its writer—whoever he is—my distant but em- phatic Bravo! Sincerely Yours, Derrick Dopp. (San Francisco Post.)

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PUCK. SNOW IN PARIS. Hi | ja The Parisians are so unaccustomed to good, sound, healthy, genuine winter weather that when the thermo- meter does get down below zero, they preserve it in spirits, and keep it in a Museum. Hence the horror of the Robinet-Dubourg family, when, on leaving the house of M. Emile Lagarde, where they have been passing the evening, they find 1% inches of snow on the ground. ie: oe ¥ \ 1 alt ) Out of pure humanity, and on payment in advance, the charioteer agrees to convey them to the happy home of the Robinet-Dubourg family. Progress is, hgwever, painfully slow. The driver declares that the drifts block his wheels. Summoning up all their heroism, the various members of the Robinet-Dubourg family advance through the de- serted streets, the younger Robinet-Dubourg being taken pick-a-back upon the paternal shoulders, so that he may be safe, as well as acting as a look-out. 6 xe f as And after half an hour has been spent in making a distance equivalent to three New York blocks, the driver declares that his horse must have assistance. Robinet- Dubourg, senior, promptly furnishes the assistance. After a difficult journey of nearly a hundred yards, the courage of the devoted family quite gives out, and, no St. Bernard mastiff appearing afar adown the chilly vista, it is decided that the only practicable expedient is to hail a passing hack—called in the beautiful French language facre. Wr i} NRE 4 iy inl tt But after another block has been passed, it becomes absolutely necessary, according to the Parisian Yuba Bill, that the load should be still further lightened. So the eldest son and heir of the Robinet-Dubourg family goes to the rear. ‘* Sorry to trouble a lady,” is the next utterance of the gentleman on the box; ‘but your missus has got to get down and lend a hand, boss, if you want to get that infant of yours home.” : ‘‘That’s a heavy boy of yours,” comes from the driver’s perch: ‘‘ couldn’t you folks behind there kinder utilize him, as it were?” And the pride and hope of the family steps down and out, and bears a hand. ‘¢ Jerusalem, how did that happen, now? ‘The in- clemency of the elements is a fearful thing, ain’t it? Well, I’m a-goin’ back to the stables. Would some of you mind gettin’ up and givin’ a feller’s kerridge a boost ? ’Twould be powerful easin’ on the hoss. What say ?”

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732 PUCK,

ELECTRIC LIGHT! EDISON DISCOUNTED! THE CHEAPEST GENERATOR. A Light That Costs Less Than Nothing. WONDERFUL UTILIZATION OF WASTE FORCE! FULL PARTICULARS. zw ALL FOR 10 CENTS.“

HE first two hundred lamps made by Mr.-Edison were, as everybody knows, used in the Puck office, and were found in many respects far superior to other systems of electric lighting that had previously been tried. On the visit of Pucx’s commissioner to the Paris Exposition in 1878, he was much struck by the brilliant appearance ot the Avenue de I’ Opéra, illuminated as it was by the Jablochkoff Candle, which literally turned night into day. The Puck commissioner, thinking it would be suitable for the editorial rooms of the Puck office, with the assistance of the Amer-

of the most remarkable triumphs of modern science. We know this: and we are handling the subject with all our characteristic modesty. ; Other people— ostentatious people—might indulge in vulgar boast- ing if they had so brilliantly conquered an all but overwhelming diffi- culty. Indeed, we know that many professional inventors will stamp and rave and tear their hair, and say wicked words, when they hear how stupidly they have neglected to make a discovery that lay right under their eyes, They will feel jealous that the honor has been reserved for Puck of finding*out how to utilize a vast and hitherto-wasted force— THE POWER OF THE FRONT DOOR! On an average, the large door of the business office of Puck opens forty times in a minute. We do not say that it opens and shuts; for on windy days, whenever there is a strong draft, it is very sure to be left open nine times out of ten. The Superintendent of the Distribu- tion Department, who sits near the entrance, is a profane man; and habitually wears red flannel around his throat. But the door is pulled open 40°times a minute, as we have before stated, (50 times on Wednes- day, when the paper comes out, and 61 times on Saturday, which the same is pay-day,) this being done at an expenditure of force which may be roughly calculated at 7 lbs. per pull. We were seriously con- templating the advisability of making the door lighter, so that it would require only a five-pound pull to let the air in on the gentleman with the red flannel around his neck; which would have been equivalent to presenting our visitors with a clear two pounds of power per man; when an idea struck us. It will at once be seen that in this tremendous aggregation of 7-lb. pulls there is a terrific amount of raw force running to waste. If it is not at once seen, the heed-

brilliancy, it is true, was ican Minister, entered into Zh less or unobservant reader a contract with Marshal may take it in as he gazes MacMahon, Mr. Victorien = on the following calcula- Sardou and Mr. Alexandre € tion: Dumas fils to transport all , Door opens forty t these Jablochkoff street- ‘in see © Y hes oer lamps to New York, where — Ain tT oe na et 280 Ibs. they soon became objects |_[al — 60 minutes in one hour of admiration of many r =Ibs. per hour...... 14,400 distinguished visitors to TS “(a\ 5 Puck. 1 b ath laaains tase : “<a ie the Puck editorial rooms, (Se O +) — | || | rrr ™ zi But the lights were far <M) al i ays | | That is, in the course of from being asuccess. Their 7 : alt | one solitary day, 144,000 4 : Ibs. of dynamic and plain a very great, but the carbon points would burn but for two hours, and the contin- <avyeN-

was exceedingly trouble-

some. Besides, the cost of running was very great, for the twenty-eight full- sized street-lampsthat were - gracefully grouped round =

ual necessity for renewal |

the editors’ desks involved no less an expenditure than 843 dollars and five sixths of a cent for each quarter of an hour’s burning. Even for the wealthiest paper in , the world, as Puck is ac- knowledged to be, this was a little too much of a good thing. The Brush System was next tried, but, as there was no building in New York sufficiently ex- tensive to contain the boilers of the generating steam engine required for the flood of light indispensable, especially for writing Puck edito- = the Siemens plan was substituted, with equally unsatisfactory re- sults. The Edison invention was an immense improvement on all of these, but it had its drawbacks, The light was brilliant enowgh, and its efful- gent rays permeated every rat-hole of the establishment; but the enor- mous generating power required to keep alive the electric current was a serious difficulty. One pecul'ar feature of the Edison light is that it is absolutely necessary for the generator to be in the building, and, un- fortunately, our cellars and basement are limited in size. _ What was to be done? That the Puck office must have the elec- tric light was several sine gua nons. Every man on the Puck staff is a natural scientific.expert. In fact, he is not permitted to contribute a line until he has proved his ability to the satisfaction of the Editor-in-Chief. The office-boy began to grumble at his salary being reduced to help to defray the expense of the costly Edison light, and things in the illuminating department looked blue generally, when one of the devils suddenly conceived the idea of out-Edisoning Edison by the method we are about to describe. We are well aware that the solution of this problem constitutes one

\ old-fashioned untrimmed force are spent in opening and shutting that door, and in giving one of the most valued members of our business staff a perma- nent sore-throat. Now, we said to our- selves, why should we pre- sent our callers with two pounds of force which we “ wi might just as well use, our- ee selves? Why should we pamper an ungrateful generation ? Why shouldn’t we strike ° these hapless sons of clay fora little of their spare dy- namics? Why shouldn’t we? There was no reason why we shoulda’t and we did. The accompanying diagram will not show at a glance how this re- sult was accomplished. It is not everybody who is smart enough to get an intellectual grip on that picture at short notice; but we will try to talk it clear. A is the door, lightened by two pounds in weight. It is half-open; and there is a draft going through on the young man. The young man is not shown; neither is the draft. We don’t want to complicate the situation any more than is absolutely necessary. B is a wheel with cogged flange, with disconnecting shaft passing through upper cog-wheel, @, which in turn connects by system of wheels ¢ with drum or cylinder f, wherein the force is stored, which is com- municated, by the mechanical fixings on the left, to the Faradic appa- ratus down in the south-east corner. The force is stored in the drum, which contains a gigantic spring, capable of receiving the 48,000 lbs., which are doored into it in the course of every ten hours—being the 2 lbs. saved by the lightening of that front portal. And when we add that our paper-carbon horse-shoes are supplied from our waste-basket—being worked up principally out of the Spring poems, it will at once be seen that Puck, by one glorious stroke of transcendent genius, has solved the problem of [practically] FREE LIGHT!

Page 7

PUCK.

MORNING. IGHT flits away; Morn rises in the East, And all the. — sky grows hot and red; For Nature’s morning is of rosy hue. The early cock takes perch to make a crow, And reckless flings good notes on every side; The hen leavesstick on which she’s rooster been, And gravely scratches round the lichens green, Or, seeking gravel, sharply pecks the quartz, And from a stony field a full crop takes. And lo! the lowing kine rise from their beds, And past your gardens to their pasture go; The sheep good wether far afield pursue; The ducks sit down to lay the morning eggs; The turkeys gobble up the early worms; The cat pursues the birds far up the trees; The grunting pig goes swiftly to his pen; While on the path,. before the kitchen-door, The house-dog idly sits and prints his tail. The husbandman goes swiftly from his wife, So as to sow the crops he’ll later crop; His wife, to husband well her consort’s goods, For breakfast gives to all the Indian meal, And fills the hungry boys with boiling mush; The cowherds boldly drive afield the cows That lack their lactage, which fills full the pails; And though the stars have faded from the sky, The dairy-maid has still her milky whey. The sun soon mars the splendor of the East By farther moving up in heaven’s vault; Soon cloudsare missed as swift they fade to mist; From off the trees, and shrubs, and plants, and grass The morning, with Sol’s aid, collects its dues; While little birds send into fruit their bills, And bees wax busy round the honey flowers; And though the eastern sky is full of gold, ’Tis plain to everyone that morning’s broke. ARTHUR Lot.

MORMONS ON THE RAMPAGE. [See cartoon on centre pages.|

to the happy hunting ground his succes- sors and his widows have been singularly quiet ; indeed so much so that many people had well nigh forgotten the existence of such an eccentric people as Mormons. But of late there have been premonitory symptoms of a greater interest being taken in their proceedings. Mr. Cannon, the energetic and conscientious delegate from Utah Territory, has recently had a few words to say on the subject of the people among whom he is a shining light. The Mor- mons will not allow themselves to be wiped out with impunity, in spite of Mr. Evarts, the whole Cabinet, and Mr. Hayes to boot. They are going to stick to their round dozen of wives apiece—whether anybody likes it or not. Of what use is it to live in a free country if there is to be the slightest interference with one’s voli- tion? Surely the authors and expounders of the Book of Mormon ought to know more about what is right and wrong than Congress, and all the other inhabitants of the United States put together. If they don’t they must learn to know, and the Mormon, his sisters and his cousins and his aunts, will take a hand in giving the lesson. Uncle Sam naturally trembles in his boots at the polygamous threats, and is doing his utmost to resist the Mormon onslaught, and, at the same time, to get in a little offensive work on his own account. In such a campaign it is obvious that the Mormon forces would have the advantage. If Uncle Sam’s troops are armed with Sharpe’s or See the departure of Mr. Brigham Young

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Remington’s rifles, of what effect would be such weapons against a well-drilled corps of reserve wives, who would keep up a heavy, raking fire of pillows from their bedstead stronghold on the vanguard of the enemy, who might have the temerity to make an attack ? An old guard of superannuated female spouses would now be ordered up on the right, and their martial appearance in coal-scuttle helmets, and armed with broomsticks, would be calculated to scare Mr. Leonidas’s treble century at Thermopyle. And when the extra reserve, in the shape of harridans with a breastwork of kitchen-utensils and artillery of wash-tubs loomed up in the dis- tance, there would be nothing else for even the bravest U.S. troops in the Union to do but tocut andrun. Mr, Elder John Taylor, as the chief rooster of the territory, could then crow vigorously, and shake defiantly his luxuriant tail-feathers. This is the humorous side of the picture, and we don’t object to having our joke about it; but we really think if the demoralizing and disgusting system of Mormonism were abolished to-morrow, the effect would be a wholesome one on the country generally. It is not a question of mere narrow church doctrine. It is not a question of Monotheism, or Polytheism, or Deism, or Materialism. It is simply a question of common decency and common sense—a question the settlement of which must show civilized man’s superiority to the brute. No, Mormonism ought to have no place or recognition in this country.

Mr. FERDINAND P. EaRLeE, proprietor of Earle’s Hotel, New York, is a practical philan- thropist, and his efforts for the alleviation of distress deserve liberal encouragement. He sells tickets for food, coal and wood in packages of ten for one dollar to such kind-hearted citizens as object to giving money to applicants for charity. The tickets, the value of each one being ten cents, are honored by. respectable dealers in the various supplies required. Every food ticket ensures a fair meal to the holder.

MORE BALLS.

La Société Frangaise l’Amitié de secours mutuels des garcons de Restaurant de New York will give a ball to-morrow night at Irving Hall. WE must not forget the Old Guard who have fixed their entertainment for Thursday night. Those who are fond of the pomp, pride and circumstance of glorious war ought to be on hand here and prepared to enjoy the military spectacle. Of the Liederkranz, the Arion, the Martha Washington reception and others, Puck will have more to say anon. THE Palestine Commandery No. 18, Knights Templar, are not going to be left out in the cold in the matter of balls. Their particular annual festival; exhibition-drill and reception circus will come off on the 28th of January, at the Academy of Music. And brilliant is to be no name for it, to say nothing of its promise to be awfully select. Grafulla’s 7th Regt. Band is to furnish the music. THE Metropolitan Manhattan Railway Aid Association gave its second annual invitation ball last night at Ferrero’s Assembly Rooms, There were no collisions worth talking about —although there were many trains—but the bright signal lights of the eyes of the fair crea- tures present made the entertainment pass off without a hitch, although some metaphorical ones may follow. Mr. George D. Davis, Jr., is president and Mr. J. B. Elwood secretary of the association. Tue Cercle Frangais de l’Harmonie gave its usual enjoyable dinner at the Brunswick, on Monday evening of last week. A brilliant com- pany assembled, including several distinguished members of the press. This affair is a sort of prelude to the society’s grand ball, which is to take place on the evening of Monday, January 19th. Everybody is so prosperous now; a good masquerade is so popular with Frenchmen and many Americans, that we should not be very much surprised to find the Cercle 1’Harmonie ball of this year the best it has ever had.

Page 8

UTAH DEFIANT—THE MORMON @M\

Page 9

S. OUNG RECRUIT Y

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Page 10

; i | | | 8 i 4 i / i ' a or. ie 736 PUCK. - THE CHESS CONGRESS. E went last week to see the opening of the great Chess Tournament, which was held in Mr. Christopher O’Con- ner’s Billiard Rooms, on Union Square. We looked on for four hours, and then took a re- cess, which has lasted ever since, and will probably continue to last for some time to come. We left several men there, however; and, from the appearance of those men, we shouldn’t be at all surprised if they were there still. For ourselves, we are free to state that we do not understand the attraction of the game of chess, It seems to us a very inferior style of amusement. ‘There is no variety; and very little activity about it. It calls into play none of the muscles of the human frame; and the only physical exertion it appears to require is that of expectoration; which is not an elegant or graceful pastime, though cheap, and within the range of the humblest. There is very little style about chess. It gives a man no opportunity to balance himself on one leg, lean half over a green table, and jab a real ivory ball with a cue held across the small of his back. There is no running to first base, or going over three fences for the ball, in chess: and there is no bull’s-eye to hit— which are disadvantages, in a way. Then, a mean little six-by-nine man, with a bulging forehead, and a watery eye, and spectacles, can whip a man twice his size; which is an anomaly calculated to disturb the equilibrium of nature, Altogether, we do not think much of chess, and it strikes us as eminently improper for ten big, healthy men to spend ten hours a day in pushing little toy Noah’s-Ark figures about on a checker-board. It is an awful waste of time. Those men might just as well be forging ac- ceptances, or working on returning-boards, or getting shaved, as some of them need to be. These are, however, our general impressions on the game of chess, in the abstract. We sup- pose that, such as it is, the gladiators up in Union Square play it for all it is worth. We don’t know, to tell the truth. However, we took notes of the game, and these are at the service of our readers, whom we leave to judge for themselves. ° General Congdon opened with the Scotch gambit. [We heard a rather shaggy amateur on one of the back benches say this.] Then Mr. Cohnfeld moved his King to Rook’s place, Queen to move and mate in eleven moves; and Capt. Mackenzie came in on a small pair, put- ting Mr. Mohle out on second, with a bad daisy- cutter a little to the left of centre. Then Mr. Ryan caromed on an easy lap, taking Mr. Del- mar up, and covering his point; Mr. Ware took a reef in Mr. Selman’s jib-boom; and, Mr. Grundy having lit out with his left, Mr. Max Judd came in on the homestretch and the umpire declared all down. LITERARY NOTES. The F ‘komo 7Zridune (Ind.) holiday num- ber is in get-up and literary value in every re- spect a credit to western journalism. From T. B. Peterson & Brother we have re- ceived a delectable novel translated from M. Emile Zola’s French and entitled ‘‘Nana.” It shall receive attention. We believe that a festival, popularly called Christmas, was celebrated last month. The Wheeling Leader issued a very handsome holi- day number on this occasion, whereat we feli- citate the bright and caustic Leader and its editor. The Hour, a weekly journal devoted to so- cial interests, has made its appearance. It is a very attractive specimen of typography and will be successful. There is plenty of room for a paper of this character if it does not overdo the society business. What member of the National Guard has not heard of “Who was G. W.?”—a truthful tale of the Seventh Regiment in the Armory during the Railroad strikes in July, 1877? It isareprint from the Wor/d, and the well-known and bright journalist Mr. Townsend Percy is the author. The New York Séar has issued an Almanac —a marvel of neatness and cheapness, and of an exceedingly useful character. It contains, in addition to the calendar details, a perfect wealth of information, including a Sporting Record, Democratic and Republican platforms, National, City, and State Departments, Con- gress, etc. THE THEATRES. ‘The Tourists in the Pullman Palace Car” have reached HaveRLy’s again, and a large number of people have reached the same place to view the tourists and the car. Everybody is waiting for Mr. Fawcett’s ‘‘The False Friend” at the UNION SQUARE. We hope we shall see something of it before we go to press, but we fear it will be after. It is a little monotonous to remark week in week out that “An Arabian Night” at Mr. Daty’s beautiful house is perhaps one of the greatest successes of the season, but it is never- theless true. Mr. Levy still toots on his cornet at Koster & Brav’s Concert HA tt, and Mr. Rudolf Bial’s excellent orchestra is much more than a back and fore-ground to the tooting—and both a source of enjoyment to visitors. The STanparp is drawing excellent houses, for ‘“‘ Evangeline” is certainly the best speci- men of old style American burlesque that we have. Mlle. Jarbeau is quite at home in the title-réle, and Mr. Fortescue is as funny as ever. : “London Assurance’ succeeded “A Scrap of Paper” at WaLLACk’s on Monday last. Crit- icism would be supererogation—for it would be difficult to find any company in the world where either play could be better performed. Other good old comedies are to follow. The FirtH AVENUE THEATRE has never had, since it has been in existence, such audiences as nightly crowd it. ‘‘ The Pirates of Penzance” will prove a veritable gold-mine to its manu- facturers, Messrs. Gilbert & Sullivan; for every- body who has seen it once must see it again, and everybody who hasn’t seen it, must at least see it once; and there are nearly fifty mil- lions of people in the United States. Miss Roosevelt, as aée/, General Stanley’s young- est daughter, is charming. Our expectations rose considerably when we entered the Broapway Opera House, the other night, to listen to Mr. Crossey’s military opera, ‘‘ First Life Guards at Brighton.’”’ We thought we were about to strike an unappre- ciated ‘‘ Pinafore.’’ But it was not to be; and we fear that the “ First Life Guards ” will con- tinue to go to Brighton and tltimately disap- pear, unwept, unhonored and unsung. We have, however, no objection to give two or three of the Guardsmen a point with regard to their helmet chain-strap. It is not considered the correct military Ki-bosh, at the Horse Guards, to wear this arrangement at the ex- treme point of the nose. NOTICHEH. Number 26 of Puck will be bought at this Office, No. 21 & 23 Warren St., at 25 CENTS per copy. ye@™ In sending copies by mail please roll lengthwise Answers for the Aneions, HASELTINE.—She did not testify. CHARLES Morris.—Jokes on Hash were called in A .D. 1300; on ‘ Beautiful Snow,” B. C. 908. IncoGc.—Same trouble. Your case does not seem to improve. Try a good dose of hard study; and if that won't do any good, you will have to fall back upon ar- senic and oblivion. MisteR B.—We are very sorry that we can’t do our cartoon of half-a-year ago all over again for the sake of your little joke; but don’t be down-hearted. The joke is good, what there is of it; and we'll print it all alone by itself, and see if it won’t stand without a picture to hold it up. A. LuHER.—It can scarcely be illustrated; but it can be thought of, and worked out; and is a sound and valu- able suggestion. Thank you. We wish one-quarter-of- one-per-cent of our correspondents would put into their communications one-quarter-of-one-per-cent of the thought which you have given to yours. Then we should be hap- pier mortals, and this column would be less sulphurous. Nick, Hamilton.—The trouble with you is too much point, of the wrong sort. Your versification is nice and careful; you rhyme all four lines of your quatrain in a proper manner, which shows the right idea; but what under the sun was the use of writing seven well-rounded stanzas simply to bring in a worn-out old effect that wasn’t very funny when it was first invented; and is only weari- some now? We don’t want to ‘*be hard on you”—far from it. All we want is that you should consider whether it wouldn’t be worth your while to be hard on yourself, to the end that you may brace up for better things. G. V. S., Somers, N. Y.—Very good. We should have printed it, with the necessary editing, if it had n’t been about an age too late. Don't you know that New Year’s matter is generally written about a year ahead; and that the professional muse-wrestlers have Jong ago completed their 1880 invoices of Spring poems, and are now well ahead on their regular orders for the June and August trade? Try it again; and remember that cold print has a fearfully chilling effect on manuscript—an effect which can be discounted only by careful work and through revi- sion, which will stand you in good stead whether you are writing funny sketches or an appendix to Macaulay’s Hist- ory of England. MARX MAXx-WILL.—You may be the modern Anacreon; but your poem gives us reason to doubt it. Here is the poem: WITH A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. To MISS.....sceeeee Sip from this sparkling cup, love, Sip from this sparkling wine, Drink from this sparkling cup, love, In it shall my soul meet thine. Oh, drain this sparkling cup, love, Drain this flowing wine, From its honied [sie] brim, love, Shall flow thy soul to mine. Oh, may we drink life’s cup, love, Drink life’s sparkling wine, And from the brimming cup, love, Our souls shall melting twine. Marx Max-Wit. In the first place, it is not at all the cheese to send a lady a bottle of champagne. We don’t believe yon ever did it, really; but if you did, she must have thought you were drumming for a wine house. The probability of her having this idea is increased by the style of the literature with which you favor her. It is a very noble product- ion, that poem of yours; but its altogether too economical on rhymes. You rhyme ‘cup, love’ with “ cup, love” almost too often; and *‘ brim, love” is n’t much of an im- provement. ‘Then as to the alleged sense of the product- ion. Why do you insist on that young woman’s sipping from that sparkling cup, and draining that flowing wine? She'll do it if she wants to: and we are afraid the wine was bad, anyway. Then we have seen sugar-edged cock- tail glasses; but we never heard of drinking champagne out of a cup with a honeyed brim. You must have writ- ten that after you had some ‘‘melting twined”—to a considerable extent.

Page 11

PUCK. 137

THE ADVENTURES OF COLONEL LIEBIG. WRITTEN EXPRESSLY FOR PUCK By ARTHUR LOT. (Continued.) entered the tent and found General Grant just about to sit down to dinner with four other gentlemen. “Ah, Major,” said he, “just in time. Gen- tlemen, Major Liebig.” The other officers and I bowed to each other. ‘< Sit down, Major,” said the General. I drew a chair close to the table. ‘So you had a little affair to-day, Major ?” said the General. “A trifle,” I answered briefly, for the soup was turtle, and I do not enjoy cold turtle-soup. ‘‘T looked into it,’”’ said the General, “‘ and you were in the right; but you must be mod- erate, Major. Lieutenant Smith’s face is spoiled.” I said nothing. The fish had just been served; it was salmon, and salmon should be eaten hot. Very little conversation was indulged in dur- ing the meal, but, as soon as we had finished dessert, cigars and Bourbon whiskey were placed on the table. My fellow-conversationalists were not par- ticularly entertaining. However, one of them had lately visited an insane-asylum, and he told of an inmate who thought he had a clock in his stomach. ‘‘T think,” remarked I, “ that we all have a clock there which strikes three times a day— meal times.” Conversation ran on in a light, easy vein. General Grant spoke little, but he smoked in- cessantly and punished his share of the whis- key. As the evening ran into night, one after another my fellow-officers slipped under the table. Finally Grant and I were left alone. It is very difficult to talk to a silent man, and so we remained quiet, smoking and drinking. When the General would fill his glass, he would pass me the bottle and I would fill mine. Then he would raise his glass, point it to me as if he were saying that vulgar formula, “ I looks to- wards you,” and we would drink together. At length he would point to the bottle and I would fill his glass. Daylight was just breaking when I happened to look out of the tent door for a moment. I glanced back at once, but mean- while the General had slipped under the table. I sat there quietly smoking and drinking till | the General’s servant came, and then I went to my tent. About noon I received orders to report at the General’s tent, with a notice that I had ‘been premoted to a colonelcy and been put on the General’s staff. I hurried to headquar- ters at once. ‘¢ What does this mean, General ?”’ I asked. ‘¢ What’s your head made of ?” asked he. ‘¢ Head made of!” I ejaculated. “ve,” respgnded he, ‘* you saw us all under the table last night.” ‘‘ That was due to the mildness of the whis- key,” said I. “I have been used to Scotch whiskey. In fact I drank it in with my mother’s milk. The bourbon was never distilled that can overcome a Liebig.” ‘‘ That’s why 1 want you at headquarters,” said the General. ‘I can drink down all my staff, and I want semeone to look after things when I’ve reached my notch.” I bowed gravely. Such a request could not be refused. Thus I became a member of the military family of General Grant.

It will be noticed that both my promotions had come to me through sheer head-work. In- tellect will tell, if you give it a free field.

V. MY WORK AT FORT DONELSON, ‘¢ Gallus tuus ego et nunquam animus.” —HORACE. Gladly would I detail every event of my life that happened during the war. There is not a single day between the time when I entered the army and the time when I left it to which I cannot point with pride. Was there a gallant deed to be done, a dangerous journey to be undertaken, an outpost to be surprised, I was called upon to do the work. So well known did this become that I would often hear the soldiers remark, as I dashed through the camp: ‘There goes that dare-devil Liebig. There’s something big on hand.” Unfortunately I am compelled to skip such details, and to narrate here only the grander events of my military life. It was not my fault that the army had no hand in the capture of Fort Henry. I begged, almost prayed, that the army might be hurried forward. However, there was compensation at Donelson, for there the army did almost all the work. I was in the advance guard, and, under the directions of the commanding gene- ral, placed the different divisions, Perhaps a sketch of the fort will aid you in understand- ing the situation.

~ me -_—_ A BC represents the Cumberland River. D represents the fort. At F, I placed Smith’s Division, at G Wallace’s Division, and at H McClernand’s Division. General Grant was in favor of placing McClernand’s at F and Smith’s at H, but I convinced him that he was wrong. As the gunboats commanded the river, you can easily see that all we had to do was to sit still and wait till the enemy was starved out; but that was not in accordance with my no- tions, nor, for that matter, with General Grant’s notions, after I had argued with him for half an hour. : At about noon of the first day an attack was ordered at each extremity of the line. I had designed to ride with the officer bearing the orders to McClernand, but I had gone hardly four steps when my horse fell dead under me. Poor fellow, I had ridden him always on aegal- lop since daylight. I obtained another horse as soon as possible, but before I cq@ild reach the field the attack had been made, and it had failed. Fortunately I remained with McClernand’s Division during the night. The preservation of the whole army is due to that fact. Racked as I was in my hours of leisure with thoughts of my lost Evangeline, I could not sleep on that night, and, at about four o’clock in the morn- ing, I went out of my tent and walked up and down. It was in February, and the morning was as dark as Egypt. I had walked there for an hour when my quick ear heard a slight sound. I threw myself upon the ground and listened. I was willing to stake my reputation that it was the tramp of armed men. I hurried through the camp arousing the men every- where. It was done just in time. We were scarcely ready when the enemy were upon us. The struggle was a bitter one; it lasted all the morning, but we drove our opponents back to their trenches. After this struggle, Generals Grant, McCler- nand and Wallace met for consultation. As an aide of Grant, I stood near them. There was a doubt among them whether the forces were strong enough to attack the fortifications. “If that gun were out of the way,” said Grant, pointing to one of the guns of the en- emy, which was so located as to have an en- filading fire, ‘‘ I’d order the attack.” “It will be out of the way, if you wish it,” said I calmly. “Yes, and I’ll lose fifty soldiers out in the open, in plain view of the army,” said Grant. ‘*No,” said I, “ only one shall risk his life.” “You ?” asked the General. ‘*T,” answered I proudly. *€ Will you try it ?” asked he. “‘ Order them to let me have as heavy a gun as possible; let it be loaded, and have ten horses fastened to it,’’ was my answer. . ‘‘ Then you'll want some one to drive?” “No,” I responded; ‘I'll drive.” Can you drive ten horses ?” asked the Gen- eral, “Two years ago,” answered I, “I drove twenty-three horses attached to a chariot” — “« Twenty-three!” exclaimed the General. “How the mischief could you make twenty- three horses into teams?” “‘ There were seven spiked teams and one regular team,” I responded. ‘I drove them up Broadway, in New York, from the Battery to Union Square on a bet. No other man in the world has ever driven seven spiked teams,” “I believe the devil wowld succeed,” said Grant in a low tone to his companions. ** Let him try it,” said McClernand, ““T hate to risk his life,” said Grant. ‘“ He’s invaluable.” “Let him go,” said Wallace; “ he'll pull through.” General Grant gave the necessary orders. The gun was mace ready and loaded, and the horses fastened to it. I did not hurry matters, but drove the horses at a gentle gait. I had been examining that gun for some time, and I had selected in my mind the exact spot from which I would attack it. I drove at once to that place. Having placed the gun in position, I unfastened the horses, turned their heads to- wards our camp, and, drawing my long whip along their flanks, sent them galloping towards our army. I had no further use forthem. I am not foolhardy, and so I wasted no time there; but I did not hurry, for hurry would have spoiled my aim. The bullets pattered around me as I sighted my gun, but fortunately none of them hit me. Having finally satisfied myself that my aim was correct, 1 arose, fired the gun, and moved swiftly towards our camp. ‘With a huge report the gun went off. I turned and watched the effect of the shot. It was something simply marvelous, The enemy’s gun, at which I had fired, was split exactly in two pieces throughout its length. As we afterwards learned, the pieces flew out of the embrasure and crushed 30 men, When I reached the spot where the Generals were standing, I found they had been watching my shot, ”

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eanttmactctnnt sta Rt ace ae Fn ee ee ee TS = = spect aie ined: sg o <A A ee OE: CARS eR Sn

F i738 PUCK.

‘Make the attack,” said General Grant. “‘Liebig has shown us what we can do if we ” The Generals joined their respective com- mands, while I took up the same kind of work I had been doing for the last two days—bear- ing messages, putting troops in position, etc. I may state here that during those two days I lost five horses; three fell dead from exhaus- tion, and two were torn, so to speak, from un- der me by acannon-ball. The last one killed was a peculiar case; the ball entered at his chest, crashed through his body, and came out at the small of his back. The first intimation I had of his injury was when his back, having no support, fell down into his abdoment and I fell with it. The attack was made at about four o’clock. At five o’clock General Grant sent me with a written order to General Wallace to retire his column, as a new mevement had been arranged for the following morning. When I reached General Wallace, I found that he had success- fully advanced to within 150 yards of the ene- my’s works. He showed me the order to re- tire. ‘* What the mischief am I to do ?” asked he. ‘“‘ The General doesn’t know how successful we have been. If I retire, the enemy can steal out during the night.” “‘ T advise you to disobey the order,” said I promptly, ‘* Will you explain ?” asked he. “At once,” I answered, as I put spurs to my horse. As soon as I had explained the matter, Grant assented to what I had done. It happened that the enemy tried to steal out that night, and if Wallace had not, at my suggestion, dis- obeyed that order, every soldier would have es- caped. At daybreak on the next morning an ad- vance on the fort was to be made, but before the troops had started an officer bearing a white flag came from the fort. The énemy, we found, had determined to surrender, I was standing beside General Grant when the officer approached. He stated that they were willing to surrender, and asked what terms Grant would offer. The General looked at me and I whispered: ‘‘ Unconditional surrender.” The General smiled as he said to the envoy: ‘My terms are unconditional and immediate surren- der.” The enemy concluded to accept the terms, hard as they were, and the surrender was made. When we had entered the fort, General Grant turned to me and remarked: ‘** Liebig, we owe this success more to you than to any other living man.” I bowed my head for a moment. Reflecting, however, how short-lived memory is, I remarked: ‘¢ General, will you put that in writing this evening ?” “‘ Certainly,” he replied. That evening, after everybody but ourselves was under the table, I had him write those words on a piece of buckskin, so that it might not wear out. That piece of buckskin I now have, and when General Grant returns from Jerusalem and Madagascar, I mean to say to him: “ Why did you neglect an old friend? If there were offices enough only for your imme- diate relatives, why couldn’t you have given me a fat contract ?” Vi. 1 RESCUE EVANGELINE. * His single arm spread terror through the foe.” — JOHNSON. After Donelson, matters were dull, and | again grew low-spirited. Pouring spirits down every evening somehow would not keep my spirits up. 1 yearned for Evangeline. It was springtime, and some poet has said that in the

spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Ah, it was not lightly mine turned to Evangeline! If I had only known gg she was, I could have been—less miser- able. Suddenly light was poured in upon me, as when the moon shines through a hold in the ‘blanket of the dark.” I received a letter from Evangeline. Oh, wha‘ an epistle it was! It would have wrung blood (metaphorically) from the heart of an anchorite. It wrung blood from mine (metaphorically), and all who know me know that at that time I was a stern man of war. She was at Buncombeville, Wahoo County. Her father had died, and she and an old aunt were living in a house far from any town, hav- ing no man in the house except an old negro servant. She begged me to find some way to get her back to her Northern relatives, and concluded by informing me that she was per- secuted by a Confederate major, who was eager to marry her. I hardly waited so finish the perusal of her letter before I presented myself in the tent of the General in command. ‘* General,”’ said I briefly, ‘‘ 1 want leave of absence.” ‘¢ Come, come,” Colonel,” said the General, “that will never do, Situated as we now are, it would never do for us to suffer a reverse, and I feel sure that we should be beaten if we went into a general engagement without you.” ‘Your opinion is flattering, General,” said I, ‘ but I must go.” He urged me strongly to remain, but I convinced him that I ought to go. Finally, after wringing from me a promise that I would return as speedily as possible, he consented re- -luctantly to my departure. It was no small undertaking for a man to go into an enemy’s country and rescue a maiden; but love has set for men many strange and dangerous tasks, and men have undertaken them. Not for one moment did I dream of shirking the task, though I well knew that my life would be at risk every moment. Disguised to-day as a pedlar, to-morrow as a purchaser of horses, the day after as a plantation manager, and so on, I wandered through the Southern States in search of Evangeline. Wherever it was possible I avoided the confederate soldiers, but occasionally I fell in with little squads, and all my well known af/omé was necessary to en- able me to sustain my assumed characters. Finally, one evening, I reached the house wherein dwelt my Evangeline, It was not a very large house; it was two stories high, and a wide piazza ran around it on every side. It stood in the middle of a cleared spot contain- ing about an acre of land. That cleared spot was surrounded by the woods, I fastened my horse to the fence, stepped on the piazza, found the front door wide open, and was about to knock, when I heard some one speak. mistakeably the voice of Evangeline. (To be continued.) LITTLE LEAVES OF LAUREL SHOWERED UPON PUCK’S ANNUAL FOR 1880.

A funny almanac, highly amusing in both text and en- gravings.— Alla California. The publishers of that bright and successful comic paper Puck have issued zn Annual. It contains a melange of anecdote, poetry and humorous sketches, profusely illystrated, and is withal a witty and amusing publication.— Waterbury American. All those persons who intend to purchase copies of Puck’s ANNUAL, must prepare to pucker, for the comical work is as full of good things as anybody could desire. The illustrations, of which there are many of a high order of merit, are fresh, for the most part, and excruciatingly laughable.—JV. Y. Clipper.

‘“« Leave me, sir,” said a voice which was un-.

Puck’s ANNUAL is simply admirable. It is in maga- zine form and contains 120 pages, filled with bright and witty text, and crowded with capital illustrations. The calendar leads off, and the mirth-provoking tone is kept up to the end, with verse and prose, short stories and charming sketches. The ‘‘ City Types ” are excellent — San Francisco News-Letter. Our humorous friend Puck combines with the fun of his Almanac, which, coming from Puck, is of course the main feature, a good deal of useful information. It is, the purchaser is told, ‘* besides being an almanac, a city directory, a universal gazetteer, a guide to draw-poker and Wall Street, a table of logarithms, a cold collation, a jack-knife, and a toothpick.” —Forney’s Progress ( Phila.) THAT spirited comic and satirical publication, Puck, has become a power in the land, and its ANNUAL is a pamphlet so full of excellencies that it is well worthy of its title. The merry little work is full of the best humor- ous efforts, and its illustrations are from the pencils of a score of the best native artists. Every one should have Puck’s ANNUAL, and every one with sense will.— Sz. Louis Spirit. What Puck is among papers, PuCK’s ANNUAL is among ‘‘almanacks.” The ANNUAL for 1880 before us makes us laugh to look at it (and that is why we haven’t written this notice before), and it keeps us laughing until we have to quit writing about it or bust. Get one and see for yourself. It is a sure cure for all the diseases that flesh is heir to, and a half-dozen other complaints not down in the books.— Keokuk Constitution. Puck’s ANNUAL for 1880 is out. PUCK, as everybody who loves a good joke is aware, is published in New York, and is the wittiest, brightest, and most fearless weekly issued from the United States press. Its ANNUAL is in keeping with the excellent reputation enjoyed by its jolly weekly, The cartoons are first-class, and if we could say more of praise than that we would. The ANNUAL is in all 121 pages of pointed cartoons and witty reading. It only costs twenty-five cents.—Port Hope ( Ont.) Times. We have received Puck’s ANNUAL for 1880, and if the same amount of good things can be found in another single volume, we don’t know the fact. The ‘ Excava- tions of Schliemann von Brummenschneider, A. D. 41,144, on the Site of Ancient New York,” are worth the price of the book. The ‘ Leaf from Vassar,” «* Con- gress,” ‘‘Medizeval Amenities,” are but a tithe of the feast spread for the people. By all means get Puck’s AN- NUAL.— Colorado Independent. The ANNUAL is characteristic of the popular serio-comic weekly which has taken decided hold upon the favor of the people of this country—the only humorous publication which has been able to hold a permanent place in this field, which has been essayed by so many ephemeral journals only to show that the resources of their writers were soon exhausted. ‘The humor is in considérable part in the *‘cuts” with which the 125 pages abound. There is plenty of fun and many a good and fair hit, given without malice, but effective enough. This is the best of the funny ‘‘almanacs.”— Rochester Express. Puck’s ANNUAL comes to us with its roguish namesake peering from the illuminated cover; its province being to edify and amuse us. The dry calendar details of sun, moon and weather prophecies are interspersed with a de- lightful jumble of comicalities by pen and pencil; the same being, as in the popular weekly, a series of mis- chievous thrusts at worldly fallacies and follies, which reprove without injuring. The dimpled sprite peers from every page, and the mythological heroes of the Zodiac must feel a commendable indignation at Puck’s illustra- tion of their respective functions, which make amends for their want of reverence by their humorous application.— Boston Times. Among our exchanges we must make special mention of Puck’s ANNUAL for 1880, which among all papers of that style, published either in Europe or America, has no equal. It is full of bright, original, witty, and artistic matter; its engravings and caricatures have never been excelled. We have never seen yet any illustrated journal and ‘‘almanac,” of the genre of Puck, edited with so much prudence and refinement; we can therefore freely say that the most fastidious house-mother can safely en- trust it in the hands of her daughters. Its immense suc- cess must teach the editors of sensational journals that only ‘‘moral” jokes are palatable to th@large majority of Americans.— Fewish South. Puck, the humorous and satirical weekly paper of New York, has had a remarkable success—not remarkable when we take into account the decided ability with which it is conducted, but from the fact that it is the first journal of its character that has been a success in this country. So Puck’s ANNUAL for 1880 will be an immense success, because it gives 121 pages of the best of humor, sand- wiched with a goodly amount of sentiment, It should penetrate every family in the land as an antidote to dull care and any leaning towards shams. It has some ex- ceedingly keen thrusts at many of the foibles that obtain in society, but they are too good-natured to give offence. Almost every page gives a characteristic picture.— Boston Home Fournal.

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PUCK, 739 THE CHARITY BALL OF 1880 WILL TAKE PLACE AT THE ACADEMY OF MUSIC, Thursday, January 29th, under the usual Management. Boxes are in charge of Mrs. KinGsiLanp, 116 Fifth Avenue. Singing Pinafore. A patient had four teeth extracted at Dr. Colton’s, in the Cooper Institute, and, on awaking, exclaimed, ‘‘ Didn’t I hear somebody singing ‘Pinafore!’’’ The most delicate and feeble can take the gas, as it exhilarates instead of depressing. We have givenit to 114,000 patients, at this writing, without an accident. We never supply other dentists with our gas. CAPSULETS. Safe and reliable cure for Kidney Com- plaints, and Diseases of the Urinary Or- gans. Recent or Chronic. They will cure any recent Case in seven days. The word Doecutai is on every box. Price per box, with full directions, Capsulets (small size) 75 cents. Capsules (large siz+) $1.50. At all Drug Stores. Mailed on receipt of ne by DUNDAS DICK & C@O., 35 Wooster Street, New York. Circulars free. TO THE PUBLIC. BOKER’S BITTERS. Beware of Couanterfeits and Imitations! In accordance with the desire frequently expressed, both in the United States and abroad, these Bitters, so long and justly celebrated for their fineness as a cordial, and for their medicinal virtues against all diseases of, or arising from the digestive organs, will henceforth be put up and sold not only in quart, but also in Pint Bottles, for medicinal, family, traveling and other purposes. To be had at all the principal druggists’, grocers’, liquor merchants’, &c. L. FUNKE, Jr., Sole Agent, New York, 78 John St., P. 0. Box 1029, ANGOSTURA BITTERS, An excellent appetizing Tonic of exquisite flavor now used over the whole civilized world, cures Dyspepsia. Diarrhea, Fever and Ague, Colics and all disorders of the Disgestive organs. Try it, but beware of counterfeits. Ask your TY or pony for the enuine article, manufactured by Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons.—J W. Hancox, U. S. Sole Agent, 51 Broadway, P. O. Box, 2610 N. Y. City. st and most popular COOK'S CGCRAND EXCURSIONS TO EUROPE! 1880 FOR THE SUMMER OF 1880 ANNUAL MAY PARTY. GRAND ANNUAL EDUCATIONAL VACATION PARTY. ANNUAL MIDSUMMER PARTY. Pamphlet containing full particulars, WITH MAP OF EUROPE, sent free on application. Tourist Tickets, for Independent Travelers, by all routes. Cook’s Excursionist contains fares for over 1,000 tours; by mail, 10 cents. Address, THOMAS COOK & SON, 261 Broadway, New York; P, 0. Box 4197. Puck's Ferchanges. DESCRIPTION OF A HORSE-RACE. Brown’s description of prize-fights and horse- races were unique and full of genuine humor. In the summer of ’59 a great trotting-race came off at Cleveland, between Princess and Flora Temple, the two most famous horses then on the American turf. The following account of this I have copied from the Plain Dealer of that date: First Heat—The horses started about the same time. Fiora soon got a slight advantage and shot about forty rods ahead of her. When she came home Princess was nowhere to be seen, and the impression was that the driver had stopped somewhere to water her. She made her appearance, however, coming home at the rate of speed usually observed in well- conducted funeral processions. It was officially announced that this heat belonged to Flora, and from that moment we decided not to bet on Princess. The grooms sponged out the horses’ mouths and put on the blankets. The bucket con- taining the water was made of wood with cast- iron hoops. The sponge was an ordinary one. The water was drawn from a well near by. We endeavored to get the name of the gentleman who owns the well, but were unsuccessful. Much credit is due the grooms for the gentle- manly manner in which they sponged out the horses’ mouths, About this time the driver of Flora was observed to speak toaman. We subsequently endeavored to find this man, in order to learn what the driver had said, but as- certained the honor so elated him that he had adjourned to take a protracted series of large drinks. Second Heat—-About the same as the first, only more so. If the horses had gone round a few times more Princess would have been ahead. It was officially announced that this heat belonged to Flora. Third Heat—Flora went around like a loco- motive, Princess like a load of wood. It was officially announced that this heat belonged to Flora, as did also the race. There were a few cheers, and a grave man in green spectacles (said to be a professor in Oberlin College), was heard to faintly ejaculate ‘‘ Tiger.””—Artemus Ward, per Cleveland Voice. Fair skin, rosy cheeks, buoyant spirits and the sweetest breath in Hop Bitters. See notice. GERMAN LIEDERKRANZ, 27th Annaal MaASQUUVERA DE BALI ACADEMY OF MUSIC THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 65th, 1880. Tickets—$10.00 admitting gentleman and one lady (additional ladies ticket $3.) Boxes and Tickets of William Steinway, 111 E. 14th St., and Const. Schmidt, 33 Broad St. Photographer, 1162 Broadway, Bet. 27th & 28th Sts. Vienna, Philadelphia AND American Institute Fair, New York, MARTHA WASHINGTON RECEPTION OF ST. JOHNS GUILD, EVENING, JANUARY 20, 1880. Boxes can be secured at Wheeler & Wilson’s parlors, and Guild Rooms, No, 5 Great jones-st. STANDARD THEATRE. Broadway and 334 St. W. Henperson, Proprietor & Manager. EVERY EVENING AND SATURDAY MATINEE, at 1.30. RICE’S EVANGELINE COMPANY. Mile. JARBEAU............- AS,..c0c0cccccees EVANGELINE RICE’S EVANGELINE COMPANY. Admission 25c., 50c., $1 and $1.50. SANDIFER, DIAMOND «=~. 6th Avenue Hotel. NO FANCY PRICES. IMPORTERS AND MANUFACTURERS OF Gentlemen’s Hats, 174 Fifth Ave., 179 Broadway, 3eTWEEN 22d & 23rd STREETS, Near CORTLANDT STREET NEW YORK, G. H. MUMM & C0.’S CHAMPAGNE. mportTation 1x 1878 35,906 Cases, or 16,270 cases more than of any other brand. MATHESIUS & FREY, MANUFACTURERS OF CABINET FURNITURE Upholstery, Decorations, éc., . at Prices to suit the times. Every Article guaranteed. No. 1567 & 1569 Broadway, cor. 47th St., N. Y. Collection of Ornaments. A BOOK CONTAINING OVER 1000 DIFFERENT DESIGNS, SUCH AS CRESTS, COAT OF ARMS, VIGNETTES, SCROLLS, CORNERS, BORDERS, &c. ’ Which will be sent to any address on receipt of $2.00. PALM & FECHTELER, PUBLISHED BY 403 BROADWAY, New York.

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ne e 740 PUCK. WEBER, MANUFACTURER OF GRAND, SQUARE and UPRIGHT PLA WO Ss. = ‘WAREROOMS, it 5th Ave. and West 16th St., New York. ‘ THE COLLENDER BILLIARD AND POOL TABLES have received the first premiums, the latest triumph being The Grand Medal—the highest premium over all nat ons—awarded to the Collender Billiard Tables and Combination Cushions, Balls, Cues, etc., at the Paris Exhibition of a At the Centennial Commission, Philadelphia, in 1876, the Com- bination Cushions were reported the only ones scientifically cor- rect in the angles of imcidence and reflection. New and second-hand Billiard Tables in all designs at lowest “*- MHE H.W. COLLENDER C0,, 788 Broapway, cor. TentH St., NEW YORK; 84 & 86 State St., CHIGAGO; 17 Sout Fietu St., ST. LOUIS —! iti f D. A. MAYER, . HUNGARIAN WINES. 526 BROADWAY f ALSO, we yee, 103 & 105 E, 14th St., New York. pits THE ONLY HOUSE IN THE UNITED STATES WHERE HUNGARIAN WINES ARE SOLD, WHICH HAS BEEN AWARDED FOR “PURITY” AND “SUPERIOR QUALITY” BY THE GENTENNIAL COMMISSIONERS, 1876. No connectirn with any other House in the United States GREENFIELD ’S, 909 BROADWAY, near 20th St. CARAMELS A SPECIALTY MOLASSES CANDY, BLACK WALNUT CANDY, MAPLE, VANILLA AND COFFEE CREAM WALNUTS. FINE CHOCOLATES AND BONBOXS ALSO A LARGE VARIETY OF' FANCY BOXES AND BASKETS. The best Cigarette is the ‘Puck’ brand. Manufactured by B. Pottax, New York. How do you account for this? In the lodge, the marshal is directed to retire to the ante- room to introduce Bill Smithers and Tom Brown, in language something like the follow- ing: ‘‘ Brother Marshal, you will retire to the anteroom and respectfully inform His High Mightiness and Most Puissant William Smithers and His Ineffable Potency the Very Venerable Thomas Brown that this very reverent body awaits the distinguished honor of their irra- diating presence.”” ‘Then the marshal goes out and says, ‘All ready Bill; come, Tom, hurry up.” In the army, on the contrary, this order was reversed, like this: General Bom bastes yells out to his aid, ‘‘Go down there to the forks of the road—and go as though the devil was after you—and ask Colonel Sordnot what in he means, so long getting into line!” Away goes the aid on the gallop, which mode- rates first into a sober trot and then a walk as he nears Colonel Sordnot, whom he addresses with great formality, saying, ‘‘ Colonel, Gene- ral Bombastes sends his compliments, and de- sires that you move your regiment up into line as speedily as possible.”-— Boston Transcript. ‘*Wuat’s fame?” yelled an excited orator “‘What’s fame?” that ghost of ambition! What’s honor?” And a weak-minded man in the crowd said he supposed she had clothes on her, as any fool ought to know.— O7/ City Der- rick, A POET asks: ‘‘ Where are the dreams of the days gone by?” This is a singular query, even for a poet. The dreams of the days gone by are like the days themselves—gone by. A dream can’t be preserved like quinces and pears and other fruit. The poet can witness just as lively and startling dreams as those that have fled, if he will eat a mince-pie, a dozen raw oysters, and some pickled pig-feet, and drink a pint of cider before going to bed.— Norr. Herald. To restore nerve and brain waste, nothing equals Hop Bitters. Believe this. Established 1838. PACHTMANN & MOELICH, Eg Importers, Manufacturers and Dealers in Watches. Diamonds, Jewelry, Solid silver & Plated Wares, 363 CANAI, STREET, Betw. 8. 6th Ave. & Wooster St., NEW YORE. Bargains in every department. American Watches, $7. Siem Winders, $12. Solid 14 k. Gold Amcrican Stem Winders, $50. Diamond S.uds, $10. and upwards. Wedding Rings, $3. and upwards. The largest assortment of Jewelry at lowcst . prices. Repairing of every description neatly executed. GOODS SENT C, O. D. TO ANY PART OF THE U.S. B77 7 Address PO 8 CELEBRATED FOR THE MANUFACTURE Fine Silk Dress, Stiff | and Soft FELT HATS FOR GENTLEMEN’S WEAR. S62 Gold, Crystal, Lace, Perfumed & Chromo Cards, name in Gold & Jet roc. Clinton Bros, Clintonville, Ct. ents. Outtit Free ugusta, Maine. nses to CKERY IMPURE BREATH is the most disagreeable result of de- cayed teeth, as well for the afflicted one as for his surroundings. The cause may easily be removed by cleaning the teeth daily with the popular, fragrant SOZODONT. It sweetens the breath, cools and re- freshes the mouth, hardens the gums and whitens the teeth._—Gentlemen that smoke should regularly use SOZODONT. It removes the disagreeable smell of Tobacco. ALL DRUGGISTS SELL IT. @GREAT BARGAINS WM. NEELY’S FAMILY Boot & Shoe Store, 348 BOWERY, Cor. Great Jones Street, Opposite Third Street. Wholesale House: Cor. Church & Duane St. ONE PRICE, ALL GOODS MARKED in PLAIN FIGURES We believe we have the Largest Stock and the Lowest Prices in the City. E. C. Burt’s best French Kid Button......ccccsescecees $5.00 PED OEE EE vccccose cccccwsccsscsesesoseceoesns £3.50 LES ees $2.00 and $2.50 ES McORE ooo Gol (70, LARGE REDUCTIONS DRESS GOODS PREVIOUS TO OUR SEMIANNUAL INVENTORY OF STOCK. SUILLCLNGS, ALL WOOL AND SILK AND WOOL MIXTURES FOR 35c., 75c. AND $1.00 PER YARD. GRENADINE, GAUZE, MOUSSELINE AND CASHMERE ‘ FOR V7 TSIN XIN Cr AND RECEPTION COSTUMES. POND’S EXTRACT. No home, no school, no hotel, no sea- side cottage, no country farm, no board- sng-house should be without this Ime valuable Family Remedy. It 1s astonishing what cures it effects. It does not profess to do EVERY1HING, but it not only professes to, BUT WILL. cure all diseases that are of an inflamma- tery character and stop all bleed- ings. Hence its wondrous efficacy in Catarrh, Hoarseness, Rhen- matism, Neuralgia. Diph- theria, and Sure Throat, Caution —Ponp’s Extract is sold only in bottles with the name blown in the glass. Ge It is unsafe to use other articles with our directions. Insist on Ponp’s Extract Refuseall imitations and sub- whe —a= = = a im) a. (—] > i] —_ = m o o —_— -_ =z 2 SDS” = ce => m > L.DEVENOGE, w 2? South William Street, New York. - = CENERAL ACENT. on j= For Sale by all the Principal Wine * Merchants and Grecers. CURED PROMPTLY and PER- , T MANENTLY. | send a bottle of my celebrated remedy, with a valuable trea- tise on this disease, free to all sufferers who | \ send me their P. O. and Express address. Dr. H. G. ROOT, 183 Pearl Street, New York. Try the “PUCK” CIGARETTE, Manufactured by B. Pottax, New York.

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meen FS PUCK. 741 _ IMPERIAL GERMAN MAIL. North German Lloyd STEAMSHIP LINE Lik BETWEEN (i, New York, Southampton & Bremen. ois Satling every Saturday. Company’s Pier, foot of Second Street, Hoboken. GEN. WERDER, Sat., Jan. 17] RHEIN...... Saturday, Jan. 31 DONALU ....Saturday, Jan. 24 | NECKAR....Saturday, Feb. 7 Rates of passage from NEW YORK to SOUTHAMPTON, HAVRE, or BREMEN: First Cabin....ccccccccccce $100 | Second Cablin...cccccccoses $60 Steerage, $30. Return tickets at reduced rates. Prep aid ~~ 4 Certificates, $30 N. B.—Steerage tickets to all points S the South of England, $30. OELRICHS & CO., General Agents, No. 2 Bowling Green. WILLIS & HAUSER, 149 PEARL STREET, junction of Wall & Beaver Sts., keep constantly on hand a large assortment of WINES, LIQUORS AND SEGARS AT MODERATE PRICES. Our friends are invited to supply their demands for the coming HOLIDAYS. ALEX. FROTHINGHAM & (C0., BANKERS AND STOCK BROKERS, 12 WALL ST., NEW YORK, Stocks bought and sold on the New York Stock Exchange, on 3 percent. margin. Puts and Calls secured on responsible arties at favorable rates. Full information on all matters re- ating to Stock speculation furnished on application. Weekly Report of movements in the Stock market sent free. TAPE WORM. INFALLIBLY CURED with two spoons of medicine in two or three hours. For particulars address with stamp to H. EICHHORN, No. 4 St. Marks Place, New York. A. WERNER & CO., 308 Broadway, N. Y. (A. Werner, formerly with G. H. Mumm & Co., Reims, the well-known Champagne House.) “1 $7 8. out. PATENT COVERS FOR FILING ‘PUCK’ Price, $1.00 FOR SALE AT THE ‘PUCK’ OFFICE, 21 & 23 Warren St., And through any newsdealer BACK NUMBERS Experts will a find a difference between this and MOMM EXTRA DRY, or G. H. OF “AMERICA” can be supplied on demand xtra Dry CHaAamMpagsne. | orneo of «PUCK? Per Case, 12 Quarts, $7.—Per Case, 24 Pints, $8. 21 & 23 Warren St. 15) HUNGARIAN Liguers and in the United States and: and personally attending to directly from the Wine-growers districts of Hungary, and are of Wines and Liquors for at reasonable prices. Orders be promptly attended to, and nYVOGOCS OVO ap, VOGCIODV AOC OW OOCH x CODON GOGONGO Schmitt & Koehne, Central Park ~——_- 4 BOTTLING COMPANY. ; Brewery, Bottling Department and B® Office 159—165 East soth Street. Ice- ae house and Rock-vaults, 56th and 57th \ Street, Ave. A, and East River, N.Y. BOHEMIAN- AND LAGER-BEER The finest Beer for family use. The best Shipping Beer in bottles, warranted to keep in any climate for months and years. DENTAL , OFFICE hein Philippine Dieffenbach-Truchsess 162 West 23rd Street, bet. 6th and 7th Avenues, N. Y. Late 389 Canat STREET. SHE The i Clothier Cor. Broome & Crosby Sts. Fifth Ave. Tailor’s Misfits Half Price. Evening Dress Suits for Sele and Hire. VANITY FAIR cstirres Always Uniform and Reliable. 6 First Prize Medals— Vienna, 1873, Phil., 1876, Paris, 1878. sar ADOPTED BY THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT. NOW ON SALE IN PARIS. Peerless Tobacco Works. WM. S. KIMBALL & CO., Rochester, N. Y. ORCANBEAT TY New Organs 13 stops, Sset Golden Tongue Reeds, 5 oct’s knee — walnut case,w arnt’d G years, stool & book $98 New Pianos, stool, cover & book, $143 to 8255. Before you buy be sure to write me. Illustrated Newspaper sent Free ‘Address DANIEL F, BEAT1 Y, Washington, New Jersey. Waldstein, Expert Optician, known in Vienna, Paris, St. Petersburg and London for up- wards of a Century, 4nd in New York for forty years. Eyes fitted with suitable glasses. Consultation, inquir and correspondence solicited from those, whose ~ is impaired. Only the finest Optical Goods kept on Stock, which the Public are respectfully invited to inspect. WALDSTEIN, 41 Union Square, Cor. Broadway and 17. Str. “PUCK” CIGARETTES are the best. Manufactured by B, Pottax, New York, Ly A. HELLER & BRO., 9 35 & 37 Broad St., and 39 & 41 First Ave., are the only Importers of ~ EDWARD D. BASSFORD, HOUSE FURNISHING STORES, WINES, Crown Champagne, Canada, who are regularly he selection of their Wines in the most renowned Wine able to furnish the very best Family and Medicinal use, left at the above places will delivered free of charge. BRANCH: “Hotel Hungaria”, No 4 Union Square, WITH ELEGANT WINE ROOMS AND RESTAURANT. Se - es IOLe "THE § FAMOUS Vienna Cofiee Pot. Beautifully finished, of burnished brass, with burnished brass bow, porcelain base, porcelain handles tolamp and extinguisher, porcelain knob on cover and spout, and one brass and one glass cover. IMPORTED FROM VIENNA ONLY BY US. PRICE. | SIZE. PRICE. coerevcccccecoccecese $5.00 i ET scsndinds. ©°edsnsser 5.75 I F souscccccesocccoscses SRD 00006680 000s ee6ee00 — 12 cocccvovcccccscccc cee’ SHMD ianiteadmececpinin Ol The Trade supplied. China, Glass, Cutlery. Silverware, Cooking Utensils, Woodenware and Refrigerated: | 1, 2, 3, 12, 13, 15, 16 and 17 Cooper Institute, N. Y. City. NICOLL, the Tailor. 620 Broadway, ci Houston St., AND 139 to 151 Bowery. N. Y. a@a@- BRANCHES IN ALL THE PRINCIPAL CITIES. 9 GRAND DISPLAY ww OF WINTER GOODS. vanes TO Ai SUITS TO O - $15.00 to $40.00. OVERKCOATS AND ULSTERS TO ORDER from $15.00 upw. Electric Light used.—Colors seen as distinct as in day time. Samples sent to every part of the United States, with instruc- tions for self-measurement. CONSUMPTION I have a positive remedy for the above disease; by its use in my practice {have cured thousands of cases of the worst kind and of long standing. Indeed, so strong is my faith in its efficacy that I will sead TWO BO’ TTLES FREE, together with a VAL: UABLE TREATISE on this disease, to pene sufferer tun, their Express and P. O. address. r. T. A, SLO $4.00 to $10.00, 181 Pearl Street, New York. Red No. 9 Maiden Lane. HAMANN & KOCM. NEW YEAR’S PRESENTS, AMERICAN AND SWISS WATCHES. WATCHES. WATCHES. A FINE ASSORTMENT OF FRENCH CLOCKS. Att Sorts or FINE JEWELRY anp DIAMONDS. DIAMONDS. DIAMONDS. J STEEL Coens. Sold by all Dealers throughout the Worid. Gold Medal, Paris Exposition, (878, CHEAPEST oorsen MAGNIFICENT 435,892 English Gite Books, Beautiful American Hol ida y Books, Gorgeous Paveaile Books almost given Mi Holiday Catalogues free. LECCAT BROTHERS, 3 BEEKMAN ST., OPP. POST-OFFICE, NEW YORK. The “PUCK” CIGARETTE beats all. Manufactured by B. Pottax, New York.

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4 /s > ——— 3 .%8 ae weer we yest a A ae +38 PAPER FOUNDATIONS. BANKING ON A FRIENDLY’ BASIS. — Mg ie =e A | . H LION THINKS HE WILL REMAIN IN CABUL.” (We think so too.) Vide English Papers. 23 WARREN ST NEW YORK. MAYES MERKEL & OTTHANN LITHOG. 23-25 WARREN STH Y