Life 1928-02-16: Vol 91 Iss 2363

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cf BREATH of the Northlands in Luesday Nights Music The Seiberling Singers, with their male chorus, their soloists, their orchestra and their organ, form a combination new to radio. Listen for their Tuesday evening program at 8 p. m. (Eastern Standard Time) through WEAF and_ twenty-six associated stations. On Tuesday night there will be two French-Canadian songs, an exquisite fairy tale of the snow-mountains ‘‘Kikimora,” told in music by Liadow; also unhackneyed numbers by Grieg, Bullard and others. But all of the music isn’t of colder climes; listen for “‘The Hand-Organ Man” and a little Italian overture. Whenever the talk turns to ‘Tires When skis glide over the hard- packed snow — when a brilliant, graceful figure flashes through the air and breathless watchers tingle with excitement, the talk is of sport and of the great out- doors. But when logs crackle and flame in the great fireplace and its warmth pervades the room, the talk will turn to many things: to travel, to roads, to cars—per- haps to tires. And those who have traveled many roads in many weathers will probably mention Seiberling All-Treads. And if you have seen these tires or used them you will know the reason why. SEIBERLING ALL-TREADS Whatever the Weather — Whatever the Road Sand, mud or snow —they’re all the same to a Seiberling All-Tread. Here’s a tire to whose one-piece tread and side-walls are added sturdy side-bars for extra traction and protection. The Seiberling All-Tread is built under the direction of F. A. Seiberling, who brought to it the knowledge and skill acquired in the design- ing end manufacturing of overfifty million tires. Never before has a tire met with so great a success in so short a time. Yet, not content with what had already been achieved, Mr. Seiberling increased by twenty per cent the quantity of rubber in this tire, and added twenty-five per cent to the strength of its cotton carcass. The Seiberling ideal is: **Not the cheapest — but the BEST tire that Seiberling knows how to build.”’ THE SEIBERLING RUBBER COMPANY, AKRON, OHIO In Canada: Seiberling Rubber Company of Canada, Litd., Toronto @ ® « Sei aS

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0W, cruising enthusiasts will have a new thrill THE ELCO 1928 FLEET The Twenty-Six The Thirty-Four $2,975 $5,950 The Fifty we till you see the Elco Thirty-Eight —a new Elco model—a triumph of grace and speed and sturdy dependability. Luxuriously furnished, generously equipped, the Elco Thirty-Eight is designed for one- man operation, yet has ample accommoda- tions for a party of six. Itisadoublecabin boat, thus assuring greater comfort and privacy. It is easy to own the Elco Thirty-Eight or any other unit in the 1928 Elco fleet. Elco’s system of standardized pro- duction keeps Elco prices down to a minimum. Liberal terms of purchase will readily be arranged and Port Elco Park Avenue, at 46th St., The Thirty-Eight The Forty-Two - $70,750 . $75,500 + $25,500 upkeep costs will be found surprisingly low. For a real trip, far away from dusty roads and crowded highways, there is nothing like an Elco. More than 26 years’ experience in ) building fine motor cruisers goes into every model. Graceful, roomy, dependable, secure, the Elco is indeed a floating home. You can see the Elco Thirty-Eight and other Elco models at Port Elco, 247 Park Avenue. Pay us a visit—inspect every inch of every boat — let us explain Elco’s superiority to you. If it is not convenient for you to call just at present, write us 4 for Catalog L New York 4 MOTOR BOATS =————S———Ss— Fe ep ee _ _an The Elco Works ... PORT ELCO (Permanent Exhibit) 247 Park Avenue, at 46th Street, New York City ve., N.Y. + N. Y. Subscript tedin U.S. A. Ent'd'as 2nd LIFE: Published Weekly by Lite Pub. Co., 598 Madison A Office, 2nd Class Matter at the under act of March 3, 1879, Prin pian, 95.08. Vol. 91, No. 2363. Feb. 16, 1928. Ent'd as 2nd Class Matter, June 8, 1883, at New York Post ost Office Dept., Canada. Copyright 1928, Life Pub. Co., in U. S., England and British Possessions.

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O MATTER how excellent your shave may be—no matter how pains- taking and thorough your after-shave washings and rinsings, there is nothing that seems so thoroughly invigorating and refreshing as the skilful massage of an expert barber. Now, however, you may get precisely the same effect in a few seconds’ time—at home—and do it yourself! Simply apply a few drops of Houbigant’s Fougere Royale Lotion after shaving. The effect is instant—and delightful. Due to its sty yptic qualities, it instantly stops any bleeding from cuts or scratches. Your Fou ugcre Ko by ale —. FERN) After-Shaving Lotion After-Shavin, Lotion, | 75¢ ~~ ream, 5 Shaging Stick, "56° aloum, 50¢ ay Eee St $1.25 Soap, 5 face feels cool, refreshed, comfortable— yet strangely alive. And the clean, stimu- lating, well-groomed freshness seems to extend to your whole body. But Fougere Royale is more than a cleans- ing refreshant. It is a mild astringent. Chases away fatigue lines, small wrinkles, sagging tissue, and gives you the keen youthful look of an athlete. Try this remarkable lotion—and with it Fougere Royale Shaving Cream—the non-caustic, non- irritating, perfectly balanced shaving cream that eliminates all smarting and after-shaving burns. Both are mildly perfumed with Fougere Royale (Royal Fern)—a pleasing, wholesome fragrance that suggests the great outdoors. A generous sample of each if you mail the coupon below. HOUBIGANT, Inc., Dept. L3 539 West 45th Street, New York City You may send me without charge trial con- tainers of Fougere Royale After-Shaving Lotion and Shaving Cream. ssf’? (With Pretty Insincere A pologies) F you can look like forty million dollars, And draw a “Thank you, sir” from Henry Ford; If you've the face for ads of Arrow Collars, You’re certain, son, to reap your just reward. If you've a build like Hercules o Samson; If you resemble some one “Who's Whose,” You do not need to care a single damn, son, from For your career is open if you choose. If you can cow a man when you address him; If you've the manners Prince of Wales; If you've the tact of our late King (God bless him!), Why, do not give a hoot about details. In short, if you can stand a close in- spection, of the A nd pass one hundred—not a fraction less; If you have reached true masculine ; perfection, You're certain, son, to be a great success. Dame Fortune real ability espouses, And you will find (this is no idle gush) That managers of all the movie houses Will pay you twenty-five a week to ush. Tip Bliss. First Aid HE sandwich maker ran for a glass of water. The blonde cigar clerk got one, too. The saleslady left her candy counter and called for the same. The demonstrator of thirty-nine- cent fountain pens cried, “Give me glass of water!” The soda shaker drew another and joined the crowd avound a prostrate form. An accident victim had been car ried to the nearest drug store. Bill Sykes. Surprising Result ILLIS: I sent my girl a val- entine inscribed, “From Yout Only Love.” Gituis: Did she get excited over it? Wituts: She sure did. She called up a dozen different fellows to find out who sent it.

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Life Sore throat while you wait Working in stuffy quarters, sleeping in over-heated homes, mingling with crowds and using appliances that others constant- ly use, people run an almost constant risk of a cold or sore throat—or worse. At the first sign of either, use Listerine, the safe antiseptic, full strength. Gargle with it repeat- edly. Rinse your mouth with it. Employ it occasionally as a nasal douche. This simple precaution may be the means of sparing you a trying—and possibly—a costly and painful siege of illness. In thousands of homes it has checked colds and sore throats before they had a chance to be- come serious. Being antiseptic, Listerine im- mediately attacks the countless disease-producing bacteria that lodge in the nose, mouth and throat waiting until body re- sistance is low to strike. Remember that while you are thus helping Nature ward off disease, you are also putting yourself on the polite side so- cially, for Listerine, as you know, ends halitosis (unpleas- ant breath). Lambert Pharma- cal Company, St. Louis, Mo., U.S. A. Do something about it ~~~ THE NEXT TIME! The next time you buy a dentifrice ask for Lister- ine Tooth Paste at 25c the large tube. It has halved the tooth paste bill of more than two mil- lion people. More than 50 diseases have their beginning or development in the throat and nose. Some, of mild character, yield to an serious, do not. At the first sign of an irritated throat, gargle frequently with Listerine, and if no improvement is shown, consult a physician. LIS TERINE - the safe antiseptic |

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Ee \~ ON he \\ \— ae — ~ Aw \\ Sf individualized patterns! In none but Phoenix can) you find the particular harmonies of new design and color that distinguish this long-mileage hosiery. You will like its lasting good looks. (PHOENIX HOSTERY )

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- i | TUM } TM “T hear that Romer’s Flea Circus got stranded in Allentown.” “Yes—the leading lady ran off with a poodle.” The Vaudeville Master of Ceremonies Officiates at a Wedding ° RIENDS, I am glad to see so HH nasy of you out to-night. I don’t know what you're out of but I hope it is nothing important. You look happy, so I presume you are not out yet. Thank you. “I guess everybody is here, most of you hoping for the best and some of you thinking it serves one of them right. The bride’s mother is sad; it certainly is hard to part after so many years. Thank you. Her father is bearing up well. How- ever, I have it confidentially that they are not going to lose their daughter. Thank you. Must be a lot of fathers here to-night. “Well, here is the big marriage and funeral man. Let me introduce the Rev. Oswald Chubb, all dolled up like a plush horse. Take a bow, Oswald. You know why I said Os- wald was all dolled up like a plush horse? There wasn’t any sense in that remark, was there? Well, speaking of horses, I was chatting with the Prince of Wales in London a few weeks ago. He asked if I Wwouldn’t try, when I got back to the States, to correct an impression about his riding. He said, “You know, Jerry, old chap, these mis- haps are not altogether my fallt.’ Think fast out there, friends! Use the old skull. He said to me, ‘It’s not altogether my fallt.’ He has to “What is the shortest distance between two points?” “Lindbergh.” take the fall for the horse. THANK YOU! It took two minutes for them to get that in New York. In Chi- cago, they never did get it. “Now, we'll have a little thing from the organist. Here Comes the Bride and how! Boy, she’s a knockout! Imagine her say- ing she’d obey anybody! Give the little girl a hand, friends, and now one for the Bridesmaids’ Chorus! “Has any one seen the groom? Ah, there you are! Come out from behind that palm, you little devil! Friends, this is why girls leave home. Thank you. Henry, are you sure you can support her? What? Help! Henry says he garter! Stand back, men! Don’t shoot now. Where's the best man? Ah, Sheriff, keep your eye on him....Everybody set? That’s great. All right, Oswald, do your stuff. Thank you.” B. F. Sylvester. some- “T DIDN’T get a wink of sleep last night.” “What was the trouble?” “The tap dancer in the apartment above mine was walking his baby.”

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“Let’s go over to Joe’s house. He has some good pre-war liquor.” “Really ? I didn’t even know he was sick.” Going Down! HE audience sat enthralled at the magnificent scene. A Greek god- dess appeared from nowhere and touched a lighted taper to a fire- cracker held by a silk-clothed Chi- nese page. There was a blinding flash, followed by a shower of sparks which, by the magic of the camera, were transformed into myriad-col- ored drops of water spraying from a fountain in a fairy garden. Little Cupids played gleefully, throwing balls of crushed flowers at each other. Suddenly the balls came together and dissolved into one large sphere, which broke into many parts, each forming a beautiful girl. The girls danced —a slow and stately minuet at first, and then a ravishing tarantella, the dancers swaying and turning at such a pace that it was all the eye could do to follow them. Once again the Greek goddess ap- peared. Smiling graciously, she sur- veyed the bewitching scene, then slowly raised her beautiful arms. The dancers stopped dead in their tracks, and as their lithe and grace- ful bodies formed the words, “WORLD NEWS EVENTS,” the scene slowly dissolved into a picture of the Elks Marching at Sacramento. Joseph Fulling Fishman. A Day with a Hotel Detective 6 A. M.—Gets up, eats breakfast, tells off-color joke to waiter. 8 a. M.—Sits down in lobby of ho- tel and listens to traveling salesman tell off-color joke. Accepts drink. 10 a. M.—Follows suspicious-look- ing character out rear exit, only to find he’s the iceman. Accepts drink. 12 m.—Shoots craps with bellboy. 2 p.M.—Tells off-color joke to elevator man. 4 p.m.—Follows _ suspicious-look- ing character upstairs, only to find he’s a District Court Judge. Ac cepts drink. 6 p. Mai—Becomes slightly polluted and retires to room for half an hour. 8 p.mM.— Tells off-color joke to waitress and gets back two in return. 10 p.M.—Bawls out patron for putting gum under chair. Accepts drink. 12 p.mM.—Tells off-color joke to hotel ‘clerk. Accepts drink and re- tires for the night. V.C. 0. To the Last Peso IRST CITIZEN: Do you be lieve the war debts ought to be collected ? Seconp Citizen (slightly misin- formed): Yes, sir. Nicaragua should be made to pay in full. A PATHETIC figure—the fellow who went to Scotland to get a liberal education. “Well, Sammie, how about entertaining the customers with a little juggling?” “Not to-night, Joe. I’m not in a juggler vein.”

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“Was that hair tonic you bought any good P” “T'll say it was. I had fur on my tongue the next day.” Life Ladies and Gentlemen: THIS number doesn’t make much sense. It isn’t meant to. Its sole object is to glorify the Great American Gag. The Great American Gag was born in vaudeville—many years ago. It has now reached a _ venerable age, and wears whiskers. It is still in vaudeville—and in the movies—and in what is humor- ously known as the “legitimate drama.” It is also in all the comic maga- zines and comic strips. It has even made its début (po- litely and apologetically, of course) in among the Campbell’s Soup ads and the “How One Man Solved His Roofing Problem” ads in the Satur- day Evening Post. Here, in this number, it is pre- sented in its most primitive form—in its native setting. It is placed in the mouths of a Typical Vaudeville Team, whose various antics have been depicted by our Mr. F. G. Cooper. (This, by the way, is the first time in history that one artist has illustrated an entire issue of Lire.) The Great. American Gag is apt to be crude, vulgar and foolish. It qualifies as Low Humor. But then—any humor that isn’t low isn’t humor. Lire. Sport Model AY, don’t you hate The wistful whines Of those ornate Old valentines That supplicate With sighs distraite, All out-of-date, Like clinging vines? Your shingled pate, Your wit that shines, Your lively gait, Your modish lines All indicate That you’re my fate— Why stop to prate Of valentines? Corinne Rockwell Swain. “What caused the fight between the circus Fat Lady and her husband, the Tattooed Man?” “He found the Living Skeleton in her closet.” CSCcULATION is the sin- cerest form of flappery. “I see they've barred pistols from the mails.” “What about the women?”

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“In my house we have a Colonial bed that belonged to my great-great-grandmother.” “I suppose it was one of those beds that Washington slept in.” “Well—mebbe—but you could never get Grandmother to admit that.”

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The Man Who Writes the Lucky Strike Ads and the Man Who Concocts the Blurbs for Campbell’s Soups Meet “"Vh/ ELL, well, this is indeed a surprise! I agree with Lind- bergh that it’s a small world after all. as Knute Rockne said to Kemal Pasha, Harpo Marx, Jeritza and Benito Mussolini, who got the idea from Gertrude Ederle and Nathalia Crane, before leaving to inspect a trainload of football helmets at the Notre Dame siding.” “T also thank Fate’s happy prank That brought us thus together, And now, therefore, just what is your Opinion of the weather?” “It has been a bit unusual lately, I'll agree with Queen Marie, as One- Eyed Connelly said to Mrs. Reginald Vanderbilt, Ring Lardner, Paulino Uzecudun, Louise Fazenda, Senator Hiram Johnson, Walter Johnson, and the Mayo Brothers, while he was preparing to crash a gate, disguised as a birth-control journal.” “The bright new year at last is here, And to the careful reader It looks as though we're going to know — Another national leader. said to King George, Big Bill OM: What do you think of Cool- “Yeh, it does and then again it Thompson, John Erskine and Chic idge’s Pan-America policy? doesn’t, doesn’t it? as Milt Gross Sale at an informal little gathering Jerry: I thought the pan-America in the New York Public Library.... policy was Mencken’s. Well, I'll be getting along, as President Coolidge said to John McGraw, Edgar Guest, Suzanne Lenglen, the Princesse Marie de Bourbon, Grantland Rice, Gatti-Casazza, and Samuel Goldwyn, as he was giving orders for liver and bacon to be served for luncheon.” “Did you and your girl give each other presents at Christmas?” “Why, certainly! I gave her a vacuum cleaner and she gave me the air.” “T, too, must hike adown the pike Because I dine at seven: This téte-a-téte has made me late— I’ll miss the soup, thank Heaven!” E. B. Crosswhite. HE: I don’t like to be “Who was that poor fellow who starved pawed over and kissed. “One of the newspaper critics said that I'm a to death in Hollywood?” He: All right—I’ll kiss real wit.” “He was a mind reader!” you first. “Well—he was half right.”

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“They say he’s a great guy on the links.” “A golfer, eh?” “Shucks, no—he promotes chain stores.” Thoughts of a Girl in Her Boudoir OSH what was it I promised to do this afternoon heavens my hair looks poisonous imagine a hun- dred dollars for that ondulé I should have gone to Mme. Gypp’s I’ve actually got wrinkles in another two years I'll look like nothing human funny sometimes when I look in the mirror I almost believe I’m really as beautiful as men keep telling me I “What’s your advice to women on this clothing question?” “Don’t give up the slip!” am but all men are awful flatterers what was it I promised to do this afternoon well anyways what’s the use of trying to remember engage- ments life’s too short and God knows I’ve got enough on my mind is to-day Friday or Saturday I swear I can’t remember gosh that fiancé of Sylvia's is attractive only he’s a terrific flirt I'd be seared to death to marry a man as flirtatious as he is I was actually embarrassed to tears at the way he pursued me last night I'll bet Sylvia was furious because she pretended to be entirely disinterested so she must have been boiling well it certainly wasn’t my fault I'd never lift my finger to take any beau of hers away imagine his asking me if I’d let him call on me I hope he realized I was joking when I said yes but it would be screaming if he came honestly I’ll have to have my face lifted or some- thing at this point I look simply lousy gosh I’m tired I wonder what on earth it was I promised to do this afternoon anyways it’s too late now and I haven’t had a minute actually I’m exhausted I wish I didn’t think so much I think it ruins your looks.... Lloyd Mayer. Bis : 4, Lae 4 oR “I have a fine gold watch that cost me eighty-five dollars.” “Ts that so! What’s its movement?” “To and from the pawn shop.”

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Sub-Titles from the Great Medical Movie “Motion pictures to teach surgery and medicine have become a reality, accord- ing to an announcement made by Will H. Hays.”"—News Item.

| Down THROUGH THE AGEs, CuaNnGceLess, ImmortaLt, Enp- tess, Hay-Fever Has Taken Its TeRRIBLE ToLu or VIcTIMs.

a ——

———— MeANWHILE Firty THovsAND GALLANT Puacocytes Are Rip- inc Heti-ror-LEATHER TO MEET tue Insrp1ous For or INFECTION.

| CAME THE ProrusE PERSPIRATION

“Goop-By, Otp APPENDIX. We’vE Been Great Pars, You anp I.”

_ “Tue Sooner Tuose Tuirty- sEVEN TEETH Come Out, Mrs. Mvurpnuy, THE Better It WILL Be ror Your ARTHRITIS.” =

Dr. Devo Was So Dums He Tuovent DouBLeE INTERNAL SrraBismus Was THE SysTEM OF Gear SHIFTING ON THE NEw Forp.

—

— “Onty a Tonstttotomy Can Save THAT Tiny Sout FROM A Harvarp Accent.”

“From THE First Moment I Looxep Into Your Eyes, E sir, I Knew You Were DveE ror AN Arrack oF JauNDICcE.”

“Never Minp, Dappy, We’Li Get ALONG WITHOUT THAT Rigut Patetia...SomMenow...” L

r “Horace! How Hanpsome You Loox in THAT Ptraster Cast!”

Anp So, 1n a Quiet Littie Sane | TARIUM HippEN AWAY FROM THE | Mienty Bustie or tue Bie Crry, Harry anp Louise Were Vac- CINATED. _—

“Mac got hurt trying to ride a horse yesterday.” “TI don’t understand. Mac’s an awfully good horseman.” “I know—but this horse belonged to a policeman.”

Gop’s Greatest Girt To MAN- KIND, Raisinc Its MEANEST CrEATURES TO NosBiLity—PErR- rect ArcHEs!

) With tHe First Appie BLos- somMs CAME A GENERAL EPpiIpEMIc or GERMAN MEASLES.

“Let Me Ger You THE Bicar- BONATE OF Sopa, DEAREST.”

| He Breatuep DEEPLy AND His | Bosom Heavep. <A _ STRANGE, MappENING PerFuME Mape His Senses REEL. |

“Owance Juice! Won’r Tum- Bpopy Bwinc Me My OwancGe Juice?”

“TuHank Heaven, GENEVIEVE! Dr. Scarsoroveu Says It Is No Worse THAN A Bap Corp!”

Wuose X-Ray Puorto- Grapu Is Tuis?” “Joun!

Wuite Oruers Covutp AFFrorpD TO Have Tuer Faces Lirtep For Tuem, Dora...

“Hett anp Damnation, Dr. BLooMBERG, THE INTERNES HAVE MutTIniep!”

Henry William Hanemann, Virtue Disguised “you contemptible insect,” thun- dered the Prohibition Agent to the bootlegger, “‘you vile slayer of thoughtless youths, you peddler of poison, you maker of widows and orphans, you breaker of God’s Own Laws to America, you nullifier, if you don’t slip me twenty-five dollars I'll run you in.”

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o a) THE DIP OF DEATH “They tell me you have a trial wife.” “Well, she’s a trial to me.” At the AMMA, when does Tom Mix come on?’’...““The saleslady said there wasn’t another model like it “N 4 in town but Lucille found one just like it for three seventy-five at The Boston Store.”...“No, Grandma, those aren’t boy scouts. Those are the United States Marines.”...“Can you see, Frances? Would you like to trade seats with me, Frances? Frances, are you sure you can see all right?”...“Mamma, will Tom Mix have his gun?” “This ain’t ‘Flaming Flappers.’ Let’s get our money back.”...‘Frances, did you hear Movies that John Gilbert was Jackie Coogan’s grandfather?” ... I love the prologues at this theatre. Sometimes they last for two hours.”...“Mamma, is Tom Mix an Indian?...“Behave! People are watching you, Hubert !”...“ ‘New York—Where It’s an Ill Wind That Blows No Saxophone.’ I don’t know what that means, Grandma. Maybe it means that they’re in New York now.”...“Let’s talk. I love to talk at the movies, don’t you?”...“Hubert, keep your hands to yourself!” ... ‘When does Tom Mix come on, Mamma?” R. L.

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“The Heart of a Clown”’ ; or “The Show Must Go On’’ Scene: Back-stage at the circus. Three clowns—Tito, Zrro, and Diro—are sitting on trunks. All three are weeping silently. A mes- senger rushes in and hands a tele- gram to Trro. T ITO (reading): God! My old mother! Ailing for years— only the money I’ve sent her from my scant earnings has kept her out in the green fields and golden sun- shine...and now...(He breaks down.)...But hark—there goes the music! It’s my cue! The crowd is calling for me out there. They count on me to make them laugh— to bring joy into their lives. So I must go on, rain or shine, twice daily, big free concert and Wild West show...and my old mother is ....But never mind that....The show must go on! Ziro and Dito (together): A grand old trouper, Tito! old trouper! (dnother messenger rushes in and hands a telegram to Zito.) Zivo (reading): God! My wife! A grand “I hear you married a gold-digger. Did she take you for better or worse?” “She took me for everything I've got.” “Harry’s quite a sheik, isn’t he?” “Yes. She has eloped to Spokane with the Human Pincushion and the family bankroll. (He swoons, but revives quickly.) But what is that? It is the strains of the band. It is my cue! Although my heart is break- ing, I must go on. That’s the way it is with all of us—troupers first, and husbands, fathers, mothers and sons afterwards. For the show must go on—twice daily—general admis- sion seventy-five cents—reserved seats fifty cents extra. Tito and Dito (together): What a trouper! What a trouper! (Another messenger enters hands a telegram to Drro.) Dito (reading): God! My little girl! (He falls flat on his face, but bounces back.) But there they go —the music—the gaiety—the cheers. It’s my cue, boys. I must go out there and bring laughter into a world of sadness and misery. Even though my own life is empty, I must go— the show must go on—twice daily— special excursions on all railroads— children under twelve half-price— children! My little girl!...But the show must go on.... Tito and Zito (together): Once a trouper, always a trouper! (All three of them rush out into the ring, shouting hysterically, “The Show Must Go On!” They discover that all the seats under the big top are unoccupied....The Ring - Master steps up.) Rine-Master: Take off the make- up, boys, because they ain’t gonna be and When better girls are made—Harry will make them.” no show, because they ain’t no customers, all the hicks in this dog town has gone to the movies to see Greta Garbo. (The three clowns drop dead.) CuRTAIN. John Forbes. because No More Theories HE I: Why hasn't Ella been at- tending our Better Housekeeping League meetings recently? Sue II: Oh, Ella got married. “How do you know that gin you bought is O. K.P” “Because my bootlegger said that I could pay him later.”

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14 Life “They've just put on a play in New York that will run five hours.” “It'll be a flop! How can you expect an audience to cough that long?” The Weatherman Hires a Movie Press Agent to Write His Forecasts ONDAY AND TUESDAY: | grandest, prettiest, sweetest, most States Weather Bureau by special The most superb, gloriously glorious and gorgeous weather of all arrangement with the Department of fair and marvelously mild weather time!...Released through the United Agriculture. Chet Johnson. of the century. Whispering westerly imate winds!...Tempting temperatures! .. .Skies as blue as a baby’s eyes!... A riot of soothing sunshine and mirthful merecury!...Two wonder- ful, daring days and nights you'll never forget! Wednesday and Thursday: An amazingly meteorological achieve- ment!...See the colossal, gripping struggle for supremacy between a powerful, mighty, ruthless low bar- ometric pressure area and a sweet, tender high pressure zone!... You'll thrill!... You'll laugh!... You'll ery! ...And you'll never guess how it is going to end! Friday and Saturday: The storm supreme! Don’t miss it! An epic of the elements that will have you cheering one moment and cringing the next!...Positively the most stupendous climatological climax since the Biblical deluge!...Shriek- ing hurricanes!...Merciless gales! ...A crackling, thundering electrical display that will make you tremble! ...Never again will you see such a brutally astounding blending of rain, snow, hail and how! Sunday: Clearing and Warmer! The last stand of the mighty storm, beaten to its knees!...A heart-throb- ber that will out-humoresque “Hu- “Is Mabel really as dumb as she looks?” moresque!’’... The biggest, mightiest, “Why, she’d die of old age in the midst of the Head Hunters!” cou con a k ope pri fur Th Ir int sal bot an It’ up ve rat

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Getting at Some Facts oo. who pays for these expen- sive radio programs?” “Why, the big corporations, of course.” ek: “What big corporations? “Oh, any big company, like a soap company, for instance.” “Soap company ?” “Yes, just for example.” “How can they afford to pay for a big orchestra, and announcers, and opera stars and—” “Why, it’s advertising, dear.” “But how can they pay such big price s—?” “Out of their advertising fund.” “Where do they get such a big fund, John?” “Out of profits, of course.” “Profits? That much profits? Then they get it from the people? From me?” “That’s logic; now you're getting into—" “The idea! Me paying five thou- sand dollars an hour for the neigh- bors’ entertainment. I won't buy another bar of soap—”’ “But, dear, that’s business—” “Yes, what you men call business! It's robbery—I’m going to take it up with the Ladies’ Auxiliary at our very next meeting. Turn off that radio!” James A. Sanaker. “LIAVE you a cigarette lighter?” “Yes, but he’s at college now.” 15 “And what was the idea of driving your car right into a telephone pole?” “Well—I had to do something to sober up.” The Street Car Conductor Goes Movie Usher but Recovers “€‘\ OOD morning. Welcome to Fairview and One Hundred Thirteenth Street line. Let me as- sist you. May I take charge of your packages while you enjoy the ride? A pleasure, I assure you. Would you like these seats or some toward the front? I can recommend these. Between the wheels, you know. Would you like the morning paper? “Do you s’pose my sweetie will be pleased with the pearls I got for her?” “Sure! I'll bet they'll Tecla to death!” “Yes, madam, your transfer is perfectly satisfactory. Of course the other conductor punched it two hours ahead f time. Mistakes will happen. Sorry there isn’t a seat at this moment. I shall be happy to find you one at the next stop. Is the ventilation all right? It’s a pleasure to be of assistance. : “Ladies and gentlemen, I should like to observe that there are some good seats forward, so why in Sam Hill don’t youu MOVE UP FRONT? This ain’t no observation platform. Honest, some people would drive a guy nuts!” B. F. 8. Nubbville Sparks NV RS. GAMMY GROVER didn’t i . , get such a good job o liftin’ done, after all. Gammy says she looks like she tried to sneeze durin’ the operation. * * face- Eb Bitters came into the drug store to-day looking for some eye-lotion. Seems Eb had been having his first set-to with a grapefruit. * * * Neptune Tyler swooned Thursday when he caught his wife washin’ a dish. Later investigation showed that she was only removin’ the price- mark. a we

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Vol. 91. 2363 “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by Lire Pustisuinc Company, 598 Madison Ave., New York. Cuartes Dana Gipson, President; Cram Maxwew., Vice-President; LanGcHorNnE Ginson, Secretary-Treasurer; Henry Ricnrer, Business Manager. R. E. Suerwoop, Editor; F. D. Casey, Art Editor; L. A. Fiynn, Managing Editor; Ek. S. Martin, R. C. Bencutey and F, G. Coorer, Contributing Editors. R. HENRY MORGEN- THAU has said that the ~" “simple truth” is that if Governor Smith, instead of being born in Oliver Street of Catho- lic parents, had selected some Prot- estant parsonage to be born in as Cleveland and Wilson did, nobody would doubt for an instant that he would be the next President. It is not so simple as that. Alfred Smith had great advantages of birth; advantages to him as a politi- cian. Emerging from a Protestant parsonage he might never have got into politics at all. Coming up where he did, politics was his daily bread from the time he could chew. He breathed politics, saw polities, talked politics. When he needed to learn to swim, there he was always in the water. As he developed, his development was under constant observation of skilled men, and he had Foley for his adviser. When he had ripened enough, there was a machine handy to send him up to Albany to learn more politics. The attractive thing about Alfred Smith is that he is not the kind of minister’s son that Cleveland was ond not a Scotch-Irish Presbyterian like Wilson. He is altogether a dif- ferent line of goods; not a Puritan, not even a Protestant, but apparent- ly a man of Christianized spirit, probably quite as much so as either Cleveland or Wilson. As a sym- pathetic handler of men his gifts far surpass those of either of the last two Democratic Presidents. The World chided Mr. Morgen- thau for intimating in the passage above quoted that the only thing that stood between Alfred Smith and the White House was religious bigotry. Oh, well, if Mr. Morgenthau supposes that any one can have relig- ion to amount to anything without having his opinions affected by it, he is probably mistaken, but a good deal of nonsense is talked about big- otry. If a man really has religion it affects his character; usually af- fects it profoundly. If a voter does not like his character as thus af- fected, or even does not like the line of character usually produced by the line of religion he affects, it is not bigotry to vote against him as a candidate for office. The objection may be wrong but it is not necessari- ly bigoted. If you object to a blown- in-the-glass Methodist, hell-bent for legislation affecting personal de- portment and habits, fully possessed by the idea that the Constitution is an instrument for the limitation of liberty and that character and con- duct of a satisfactory quality can be produced by secular laws, would that be bigotry? Religious liberty is in no danger in this country, but personal liberty is fiercely attacked. Alfred Smith may run as _ its champion. 2 [% a picture supplement of Janu- ary 29 were two pictures, one above the other. On top President Cosgrave of Ireland standing up behind a lunch table shaking hands with Big Bill Thompson, whom he described as a “great, kindly Ameri- can with ideals.” Below a picture of the said President of Ireland lay- ing a wreath on the tomb of the Un- known Soldier in Arlington Ceme- tery. These pictures ought to have been kept far apart. Big Bill was ap earnest opponent of the War which put the Unknown Soldier under- ground in Arlington Cemetery. A man who disapproved of the War might approve of Big Bill, but a man who approved of the War and went out of his way to pay honor to the Un- known Soldier does not look pretty shaking hands before a camera with Big Bill Thompson, of Chicago. That, however, is politics, the same animal that made President Coolidge so polite to Mayor Thomp- son when he came to lunch the other day with his Chicago delegation at the White House. Perhaps both of these cases were instances of the attention of an of- fice to an office rather than of a man toa man. President Coolidge seems to have felt it his duty as a Republican President to be polite to the most successful politician -in Chicago, and President Cosgrave's sense of his duty to Ireland doubtless constrained him to do the same. So long as Big Bill controls more votes in Chicago than any one else, he will continue to be important. . y , fax 2\ eg CY G3 ke F it is true, as the papers say, that Jack Dempsey is going blind as a by-product of his last fight, and that his doctor has forbidden him to go into the ring again, it should not leave the country incon- solable. The fight that was to have been next summer between Jack and Gene Tunney looked so big on_ its money side that its sporting side had been somewhat obscured. A prizefight as a means of determin- ing which of two men is the best pug is one thing, but a prizefight as a means of earning about a wil- lion dollars in the course of maybe half an hour is quite something else. It seemed as if Gene and Jack might be willing to continue to fight as long as a million a will was forthcoming—or even two wil- lion maybe. But if Jack’s doctor says the game is too rough for him, the continuous-performance plan is blocked. E. S. Martin.

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The Bottomless Hat

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Owing to the time it takes to print Lire, readers should verify from the daily newspapers the continuance of the attractions at the theatres mentioned. More or Less Serious Behold the Bridegroom—. (Cori—aA clear case of old-fashioned death from unrequited love, with Judith Anderson as the modern young lady under interesting analysis. Caponsacchi. Hampden's—Last week of Walter Hampden’s revival of his last year's costume orgy. Civic Repertory. Fourteenth Street—Eva Le Gallienne and her company hard at work to do something for the Theatre. Coquette. Maxine Ellioti's—The tragedy of a young belle who got out over her head. Helen Hayes and an excellent cast play it to perfection. A Distant Drum. Hudson—Something good for two acts—then not so good. Mary Newcomb and Louis Calhern are in it. Diversion. Forty- Ninth St.—An intense and, at times, moving story of a boy who got himself into a jam from which there was only one exit. Richard Bird,Cathleen Nesbitt and Guy Standing. Dracula. Fulion—Creeps which may get you and may not, but creeps nevertheless. Escape. Booth—What would happen if an escaped convict ran into several different types of people, interestingly set forth by Galsworthy and very well done by a company headed by Leslie Howard. A Free Soul. Klaw—Honor among gamblers and such. Kay Johnson and, by an odd quirk of Fate, William A. Brady himself in person. La Gringa. Littlh—With Claudette Colbert. To be reviewed next week. Interference. Lyceum—One of those good old- fashioned melodramas where ladies take poison in London chambers. Distinguished by A. E, Matthews and a good cast. Laboratory Theatre. Last 54th Sit.—Good experimental repertory. The Ladder. Belmont—The chief change to be noted in this drama of reincarnation is that the free seats are given out at six o'clock instead of in the morning. Or maybe it is the other way ‘round. The Merchant of Venice. Broadhurst—With George Arliss and Peggy Wood. Very good, if you like “‘The Merchant of Venice.”’ Mrs. Dane’s Defense. Cosmopolitan—A re- vival of the old favorite, with Violet Heming and Robert Warwick. Next week: ‘“‘Sherlock Holmes.” The Mystery Man. Bayes—One of the lesser mystery plays of the season. Porgy. Republic—An impressive production, taken part in almost entirely by Negroes, and decidedly worth seeing. The Racket. best of the crook-and-cop dramas, with Chicago as its locale. Salvation. Empire—To be reviewed next week. The Silent House. Morosco—To be reviewed later. Strange Interlude. John Golden—Reviewed in this issue. The Trial of Mary Dugan. National—The courtroom during a murder trial with all the dull features removed. Ann Harding in the box. We Never Learn. Fltinge—Murder and infi- delity in fairly conventional combination. Comedy and Things Like That And So to Bed. Bijou—This pleasantly bawdy comedy of Restoration days was+ to close some time ago, but it seems still to be running. Broadway. Ceniury—Unless this moves to another house, it looks like the last week of one of the best shows New York has had. Burlesque. Plymouth—Hal Skelly and Barbara Stanwyck as the hoofers whose love-troubles make a very satisfactory play. ock Robin. Forty-Eighth St-—Trick murder mt with several moments of delightful comedy from Beatrice Herford. The Command to Love. Longacre—One way “You beast—you tricked me into a companionate marriage.” “That wasn’t no companionate marriage, honey. That was a Chevrolet.” to preserve world-peace, illustrated with amorous gestures by Mary Nash and Basil Rathbone. The Doctor’s Dilemma. Guild—Shaw and the Theatre Guild in satisfying combination. Excess Baggage. Riiz—Showing that vaude- villians have the same troubles as burlesque comedians, with a ti htrope finish thrown in, Miriam Hopkins and Eric Dressler as the tear 57 Bowery. Wallack's—Hardly important The Ivory Door. Charles Hopkins—It prove the public's taste for whimsey that this fairy-t by A. A. Milne has lasted so long. Meek Mose. Princess—To be reviewed later. The Nebblepredders. Mansfield—We haven't any idea what this means, but we wil! review it as soon as it opens. Paris Bound. Music Box— Madge Kennedy in a comedy dealing with infidelity in civilized and delightful dialogue. The een’s Husband. Playhouse—A delix ful réle for Roland Young. set off against a s souialion in the best tradition. The Royal Family. Selwyn—Patrician act folk at home and behaving in a highly amusi manner. The Shannons. Martin Beck—Rustic con with a Broadway flavor, made into a swell sh by the Gleasons. So Am I. Comedy—A translation from Italian which isn’t quite so naughty as it sets to be. The Taming of the Shrew. Garrick—Basil Sydney and Mary Ellis showing that even Shake- speare can be made funny in modern dress. Eye and Ear Entertainment Artists and Models. Winter Garden—A good show for what you go after at the Winter Gar There are Florence Moore, Jack Pearl, J Osterman and Ted Lewis. A Connecticut Yankee. Vanderbili—: A mod version of the Mark Twain book with swell mu combining the creative talents of Messrs it Rodgers and Hart. William Gaxton and Con- stance Carpenter head the cast. The Five O’Clock Girl. Forty-Fourth St \ couple of nice tunes, Mary Eaton and Oscar S! and considerable class. Funny Face. Alrvin—The Astaires at the ) of their form, with Victor Moore and Wi Kent for comedy. Golden Dawn. Hammerstein's—A sincert 1 successful attempt to do real operetta, with L Hunter as prima donna. Good News. Forty-Sixth St.—The standar peppy musical shows, with Mary Lawlor Gus Shy. Harry Delmar's Revels. Shubert—Frank surrounded by a good, standard revue. Harry Lauder. Knickerbocker—Well, know Harry Lauder. Hit the Deck. Belasco—Last two weeks « highly successful show, with Louise Gr Charles King and Stella Mayhew. Lovely Lady. Sam H. Harris—Edna Lee asa starin herown show. For Edna Leedom f The Madcap. Royale—Mitzi’s latest. T: reviewed later. Manha‘tan “Mary. Apollo—That odd charac- ter, Ed Wynn, at his best. The Merry Malones. Erlanger’s—Georg« Cohar in person in one of his type shows. My Maryland. Jolson’s—Stonewall Jacks troops in singing contest with Barbara Frietc« The Optimists. Century Roof—With Lu Gear, George Hassell and Bobby Watson. be reviewed next week. ) Rain or Shine. Cohan—With Joe Cook. To be reviewed next week Rio Rita. Lvric—Don't tell us you haven't seen “Rio Rita”—and Walter Catlett, Ada M and Bert Wheeler! Rosalie. New Amsterdam—Jack Donahue jecting his own inimitable comedy into a luxuri affair, aided by Marilyn Miller. : he’s My Baby. Globe—A An evening wit Beatrice Lillie, than which— Show Boat. Ziegfeld—A mammoth produc- tion with such high spots as Jules Bledsoe: singing, Charles Winninger, Helen Morgan an Norma Terris. Sunny Days. Imperial—With Lynn Over- man, Frank McIntyre and others. To be reviewed next week. Take the Air. Waldorf—Will Mahoney’s comedy is the cuit asset of this and it is considerable asset ite Eagle. Casino—A good musical version of “The Squaw Man.”

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Life 21 4. 4. All About ‘‘Strange Interlude”’ W E might as well get this out of the way right at the start: Eugene O’Neill’s “Strange Interlude” is a highly important play, probably a great one, and one which is bound to mark a turning-point of one sort or another in dramatic history. Personally, as one who sat constantly interested from 15 in the afternoon until 11 at night, with an hour’s recess for dinner, we were at first irritated to the bursting-point by the pretentious banality of the lines, then gradually caught up by the sweep of the thing, until, in Act 6, we were completely under its spell, and finally—Mr. O’Neill having gone burlesque, as is his custom of late toward the end of his plays—thrown back into a state for which “irritation” would be too strong aname. The total impression on us was that something big and fine had been slightly muffed—maybe by Mr. O'Neill, maybe by us. UR irritation arose from the method which the author has chosen to use in writing his drama—a pompous resuscitation of the old-fashioned “aside.” The reason that the play takes so long is that each character, in iddition to speaking his lines, must also speak his thoughts. This would not be so bad if their thoughts were worth speaking, but, for the most part, they could easily have been guessed by any alert child in the audience. In certain scenes, notably the one in Act 6 where the woman sits with her trinity of complementary male units, all thinking out loud, this method justifies itself and gives a hint of its possibilities in the future. But throughout most of the play, especially during the first acts, when soliloquy seems simply a lazy man’s method of writing exposition (and essentially false as well, for no one thinks expository thoughts—unless per- haps he is waking up after a hard night and is trying to satisfy himself as to just who he is and whose house he is in), Mr. O’Neill’s “asides” are scarcely dis- tinguishable from those of the old-fashioned melodrama, and are certainly not much more subtle. When Darrell enters and Nina says aloud to herself (Darrell con- veniently waiting until she is through thinking): “My old lover...how well and young he looks... now we no longer love each other at all...” there is more than a passing similarity to the speech of Richard Rackmorton in “The Wolves of St. Agnes,” where he steps to the foots and says behind his hand: “I wonder if she suspects that I am really her father. I will test nf ge 7 se yp 8a, her,” and then, turning to Dora (with slightly more bass in his tone): “Little girl, do you remember the swans in the lake at Passy where you used to play?” There are few of these “asides” of O'Neill's which any good actor or actress could not indicate without speaking a word or any good playwright get into his lines without resorting to tricks. Some day this method will be used by an author whose characters don’t act as they think and who also has the gift of humor. That will be something different. 3 . = a HERE is a certain effect of having lived the lives of the characters in “Strange Interlude” when you finally emerge into Fifty-eighth Street which is likely to be confused with having believed in them. This is simply because you have been cooped up with them so long. You can read one of Dreiser’s novels—or rather, if you can, you get the same effect, just from continued prox- imity. We used to feel that we knew the characters in James Fenimore Cooper’s novels, not because we liked them but because the English Department made us finish them. Any playwright who can make his audience stick with him for five hours has an advantage over his rivals. He can impress them by sheer tonnage. VIDENTLY no author except O'Neill can make an audience stick for five hours. If Samuel Ship- man had written the first act of “Strange Interlude” (and he could have) the play would have been laughed off the stage. If Mae West had written the boat- race scene in Act 8 (and she wouldn't have) every reviewer in town would have taken the day off to kid it. It is natural that O’Neill should command respectful attention because he is our foremost playwright. It is natural that “Strange Interlude” should hold people in their seats, first, because of its intrinsic interest and am- bitious scope and, second (and no less important), because of the fine performance of Lynn Fontanne, to- gether with those of Earle Larimore, Glenn Anders and Tom Powers. No cast ever had a tougher job. But since O'Neill is our foremost playwright, and since the pretensions of “Strange Interlude” are so great, it is only natural that we should expect it to be practically perfect. And it isn’t—not by a million miles. Robert Benchley.

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January Awake late, after as ; sleepless a night as ever ain put in, nor would any of the proverbial mental sedatives avail me, neither, the slow recital of “Robert of Sicily, brother of Pope Urbane,” ete., being a distinct dis- turbant, for when I did reach “’Tis well that such seditious words are sung Only by priests and in the Latin tongue!’ I could proceed no further, for the life of me, and the inability did so rack me that I knew I should never slumber unless I wakened Samuel and was prompted, and he, poor wretch, was so wroth as to threaten me with divorce for such doings, for he could not think of it, neither, so we both up and stalking the shelves for Longfellow’s Poems, which we did not find, and both so sleepless thereafter that we did sit up awhile over beakers of ale and stuffed celery, Sam feeling justified by the occasion in taking me to task for this and that, and I was indeed astonished to learn that the point in my recent conduct to which he takes chiefest exception is my having dis- patched a dozen wrongly marked handkerchiefs to a perfect stranger whose initials in the Social Register coincided with the mistake made by the embroiderer, but Lord! I, like W. E. Hill’s old lady who couldn’t “Are you angry with me, Joe?” “Of course not, Sammie, old pal.” “Then why did you cut me last night ?” see why they made so much fuss over anybody's sending violets to the heroine of “The Captive,” thought it was a kindly thing to do, and do know well that should I receive such a handsome, anonymous present out of a sky which might possibly be gray, Mr. Browning’s Pippa would have nought on me for the ensuing twenty-four hours, at least. But I “Women use more powder than men.” “Yes, and they’re better shots.” did not contend with Sam, for how- soever effective his reasoning may be before juries and magistrates, it sel- dom impresses me even when | do yield to it, and what is the sense, at such an hour in the morning, of bringing up the facts that he occa- sionally uses my pen and never turns out the light in his clothes closet? Marge Boothby in this morning, a-begging me to accompany her to Atlantic City, she being in so nerv- ous a state that she does even fly into a fury at a triple bromide tablet when it does not dissolve speedily enough. But I did plead several im- minent afternoon bridge engage- ments, which I do regard as seri- ously as I should regard jury duty. The journals still print- ing various items about Thomas Hardy, whose death does mark, meseems, the fall of the last outpost of our civilized literature, and getting down “Late Lyrics and Earlier,’ which Mr. Shipman gave me, I did read here and there in it with extreme satis- faction, and was even obliged to shed a tear over “An Ancient to Ancients.” Then up and off to lunch with Mr. and Mistress Westman from Dan- ville, Illinois, in the dining-room of the great (Please turn to page 34) January 25th

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Two Employees Tear into Work While the Boss Is Away OE: So the old boy is out of town, eh? Well, that means we can get things done around this of- fice now for a few days. Tom: You said a mouthful. Be- lieve me, it’s a real handicap to know that some one is standing over you with a club all day long, watching every move you make. Jor: I'll tell the world it is. All you and I need is a free hand and let me tell you things would hum around this office. Tom: Nothing different. Give a couple of good men like you and me responsibility and things are done right. Jor: It’s a fact. Watch my smoke on this Bliffkins correspondence, if you wanta see some unbridled exec- utive action. Tom: Atta boy! You take care of the Bliffkins matter and I'll clear up the Tompkins mess that’s been er Oo Ney S W Steet : A Skss p>) ~ Ziq “T’ve had only two girls walk home on me.” “What did the rest do?” “Ran ” hanging fire around here for lack of a decision. Jor: Go get ’em, kid, and then we'll have lunch together. Tom: QO. K. with me. Then we'll come back and tear into things again this afternoon. Joe: Righto, only we ought to “So you want a job in the Mint, eh? What salary would suit you?” “Well, I'd be willing to pay about fifteen dollars a day.” walk around a bit first and get some fresh air. Nothing like pepping up a bit before a long afternoon of of- fice routine. Tom: Yes, we could take a walk or we might drop into a vaudeville show for a couple of acts, just to relax a bit. Joe: That’s a darn good sug- gestion. There’s a peach of a bill on at the Palace this afternoon, too. Tom: Yes, I’ve heard about it. Still, if we go there it might be too much of a temptation to stay for the whole show. Joe: Well, what’s the difference? The boss is out of town, isn’t he? James L. Dilley. The Desert Mariner HE dragon ships the purple oceans plow! (Hot dog! That’s sure a dandy line to start.) The spurling spume sprays spang against the prow! (I’m not so sure about that spur- ling part.) The silken sails — the gulls that sweep the blue! (Oh, boy! I'll bet my smell the sea.) And hard alee the drifting caribou! (Now where in heck would you call hard alee?) O ivory masts! O drenching tropic rain! (That last remark exhausts my ocean lore. You go ahead and sail the bounding main ; Pll just roll up my pants and wade ashore.) readers Carey Holbrook.

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“The audience booed me the other evening.” “Never mind, old man. The first hundred jeers are the hardest.”

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Theatrical Guide for Non-Theatregoers EFERENCE to the following list will enable any one at any time to post him- or herself on the latest and most successful Broadway productions. Slight variations may oceasionally occur, but as Alcibiades remarked to the harbor master at Pireus, “a fish is always a fish.” Musical Comedy. Maureen O’Con- nor, sixteen, pretty and invariably Irish, leaves her modest home in Happiness Alley (Scroggsville, Grand Street) to seek fame and for- tune in the Follies. Her childhood sweetheart follows and discovers her being kissed by one of those rich and dissolute Wall Street men who make our night life what it is. Her child- hood sweetheart will not let her ex- plain. Sadly they. go their separate ways until the constant repetition of the waltz hit drives them into each other’s arms. Add one or two comedians, a sister act, a hoofer and a cabaret team which does a spe- cialty in the second half. Nine chances out of ten Maureen will do a little toe dancing herself, backed by the male chorus. Mystery Melodrama. _ Gregory Vincent is found dead between the leaves of an old copy of Prescott’s “Conquest of Peru.” Who did it? The audience is asked not to divulge the ending, but it was either the head usher, a plot which the unknown young playwright stages in order to interest the great producer, or all a terrible dream of Mr. Vincent’s. The detectives will be comic. The butler (maid) will be either comic or sinister. Farce. If from the French, the play will be about seductions and un- “Do you believe in dieting for beauty?’ A woman cannot eat her cake and have IT, too.” “Absolutely. faithfulness in the formula of A: B =B: C=C: D=D:A, with permu- tations, sorties, surprises and goings- on in the next room. It will be dis- tinguished by having any given name —say Francois—pronounced differ- ently and incorrectly by each mem- ber of the cast. If American, the play will not necessarily deal with unfaithfulness, but will mention red flannel underwear ‘and babies, and will contain at least one person in a state of intoxication. Society or Problem Play. Maud- rey Wilkinson bites her fingernails. Her husband is therefore attracted by another woman, and after the dis- closure of his perfidy, Maudrey goes to the Riviera with a Czecho-Slovak aviator, leaving instructions about feeding the cat with her husband, thus implying that it is all a lark and she will return to him after her holiday. At (Please turn to page 32)

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26 ‘dds ~_ Vale LO yw dart hh } **Chicago’”’ A’ interesting and commendably courageous picture has been made of Maurine Watkins’ fine play, “Chicago.” Here was a highly melo- dramatic story that required a sub- stantial degree of hard-boiled wise- ness in treatment to make it any- thing more than just another highly melodramatic story. That point of view, which ob- tained in the original play, is strongly evident in the picture. Roxié Hart remains the cheap, sor- did, headline-crazed Jazz-Murderess that Miss Watkins made her. As played, shrewdly and uncompromis- ingly, by Phyllis Haver, she becomes a unique and vitally important char- acter on the screen. (Note to Mr. Lasky: The next time you produce “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” get Phyllis Haver for the part.) There are other excellent per- formances in the picture, and Frank Urson’s direction is, for the most part, admirable. —_— Life WISH to file one complaint against the logic in “Chicago.” When Rovwie is acquitted and her good name cleared, she learns that she is yesterday’s news, and that she must go out into the great, cruel world—friendless, penniless and in- conspicuous. No mention is made of the obvious fact that Rovzie is now free to contribute (via a ghost writer) her life story to the tabloids; that she can sign contracts for twenty weeks in vaudeville or for a tour of the Publix Theatres; that she can even have a try at the movies themselves. Any girl who has garnered that much publicity doesn’t need to starve, even though a jury has damaged her reputation by pronouncing her “innocent.” ‘‘Simba”’ HE struggles of Mr. and Mrs. Martin Johnson against the wild animals of Africa are much like the recurrent ring battles that used to be staged between Sam Langford and Joe Jeanette. Theoretically, when you have seen one of them, you have seen them all; and yet there is a peculiar fascination in each repeti- tion of the old formula, and you are always willing to come back for more. “CY IMBA,” the latest Martin Johnson film, impresses me as the best of the lot. Mr. Johnson and his comely but obtrusive wife have gone to extraordinary lengths to build up their familiar act. They have added vast numbers of lions, elephants, rhinos, crocodiles, etc., to the troupe; indeed, one scene shows us no fewer than four- teen lions at once, which is a large enough chorus for any show. As is regrettably often the case in Mr. Johnson’s products, “Simba” is marred by instances of brutality that don’t sit well on the stomach. R. E. Sherwood. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. A fre- quently amusing but none too satisfying interpretation of an American epic, with two very young and very cute girls in the leading roles. Beau Sabreur. Noah Beery, William Powell, and the desert are in it, but that doesn’t make it &nother “Beau Geste.” The Devil Dancer. Several effective views of Gilda Gray strutting her stuff, and very little dramatic interest. The Silver Slave. Irene Rich as the usual dewy-eyed, self-sacrificing wife who is ever so brave in the face of ad- versity. Wife Savers. Low humor on Alpine peaks, featuring Wallace Beery and Ray- mond Hatton. Recent Developments A Texas Steer. lone star of a comedy. The Dove. Virtue and villainy in a mythical kingdom, with Norma Talmadge being a trifle too refined. On Your Toes. Reginald Denny in a regular Reginald Denny farce. The background, this time, is the prize ring. Serenade. Intelligent and well-bred entertainment in a Continental setting, in which Adolphe Menjou is always entirely at home. West Point. William Haines goes through his inevitable chastening process at the U. S. Military Academy. Will that young man never learn? Man, Woman and Sin. Will Rogers as the strangely amateurish Realistic melodrama in a newspaper office, with John Gilbert as a pathetic sap. The Gaucho. Douglas Fairbanks works hard to enliven a slow and stodgy picture. Uncle Tom’s Cabin. The old stuff— and still good. Get Your Man. Put on those clothes, Clara Bow—we know you. Love. John Gilbert and Greta Garbo stage a return engagement of | their popular grappling routine. My Best Girl. Mary Pickford in the type of role that made her famous, and why not? The Circus, Sunrise, The Student Prince and Wings are all exceptionally worthy.

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What A Shakespeare says about Coca-Cola ‘‘Your name is great in mouths of wisest censure’ ~ Mr. Othello was always very serious. Naturally, Mr. Shake- speare, writing for our day as well as his own, picked him to utter the remark above — a fitting caption for an opin- ion the United States Supreme Court was one day to hand down on Coca-Cola: “ «The name now characterizes a beverage to be had at almost any soda fountain. It means a single thing coming from a single source, and well known to the . ~ 3 - ~ ‘ : : Y community.” Othello 8 millions J The Coca-Cola Company, Atlanta, Ga Act II, Scene 3 a day [Tt BAB TS 2B. Ceerde tt. Crt + SB228

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Reproduction from a painting made on the estate of Mr. Alfred Prichard Sloan, Jr., Great Neck, L. 1., by Frank Swift Chase © The D. T. E. Co., Inc g prominent persons and in- stitutions served by the Davey Tree Surgeons are the following: MRS. THOMAS A. EDISON ANTIOCH COLLEGE ATWATER KENT MANU- FACTURING CO. ATLANTA-BILTMORE HOTEL R. R. M. CARPENTER CHESAPEAKE AND POTOMAC TELEPHONE Co. FORD MOTOR COMPANY OF CANADA LARCHMONT YACHT CLUB R. M. WEYERHAUSER JOHN DAVEY 1846-1923 Father of Tree Surgery Reg. U.S. Pat. Office DAVEY TREE, Are your trees worth saving? Davey Tree Surgeons will not treat any tree for you that in their judgment is too far gone. The reason for this is obvious to them, but you with your untrained eyes must depend on their professional honor. Davey Tree Surgeons will not give com- plete treatment to any treeforyou that isin questionable condition. Such a case receives first aid treatment until theresultsindicate whether a larger investment is warranted. Davey Tree Surgeons will give nothing but first aid treatment to a tree that is starving. Such a tree is properly fed and cared for until its vitality is built up. There are many trees that are starving THE DAVEY TREE EXPERT CO., Inc., 926 City Branch offices withtelephones: New York, 501 Fifth Ave., Phone Murray Hill 1629; Albany, City Savings Bank Bldg Exchange; Boston,70 Statler Bide-; Pittsfeld, Mass., Stevenson Bidg.; under semi-artificial or lawn conditions. Davey Tree Surgeons will do only that kind and quantity of work that they be- lieve willrepresent real value to you. Many clients urge them to break this rule by treatment of a hopeless case. The client argues, “It is my money that is paying for it.” They answer, “Yes, but our reputa- tion is at stake.” Davey Tree Surgeons live and work in your vicinity; they are quickly available for large or small operations. No carfare is charged; you pay only for workingtimeand the necessary materials and expressage. Writeor wire Kent,Ohio, orthe nearest office. Bank Bldg., Kent, Ohio rovidence, R. 36 E xchange Pl.; P. hiladelp Baltimore, American Bidg.; Wash sngiton, Investment Bidg. ; Pitusbureh, 331 Fourth Ave.; "Buffalo, 118 Franklin St rc Bidg.; Columbus, 30 N. ‘ashin oe St; ; Toledo, 429 Nic Cincinnati, Mercantile Library & Trust Bidg.; ‘Chicago, Westminster Bldg. t. Louis, Arc Bidg.; Detroit, General Motors Bidg.; Grand Rapids, A n Trust Bidg.; pomeae Todd Bid dg. :Charloiie, N.C., '1002 First N ational Bank Bl dg.; Indianapolis, Fletcher Sat ings Bidg.; Kansas City, Scarritt Bldg.; Minneapolis, ‘Andrus Bidg.; Montreal, Insur- ance Exchange Bldg.; Toronto, 71 King t., Wests Stamford, Conn.,Gurley Bidg.; Hartford, Conn., 36 Pearl St.; Memphis, / 34 Exchange Bidg Send for local representative to examine your trees without cost or obligation Martin L. Davey, President SURGEONS

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“Is THAT BOTTLE THE ONLY CONSOLATION YOU HAVE LEFT IN THE WORLD?” “OH, NO, MA’AM—I GOT ANOTHER ONE IN MY POCKET.” —Le Rire (Paris). ; Sententious y Tue World AIl- manac began to be our favorite reading matter ever since it printed, in its “Short Dictionary of Ameri- can Biography,” the following item: “Han- cock, John: born 1737, died 1793; occupation: signer."-—New York Evening Post. ~~ ——— ae COLONEL LAWRENCE A caricature from Everybody's Weekly (London). Lament How long the song of sorrow rings Through mortals’ melancholy soul— How swiftly fade the worldly things: A smile, a rose, a ton of coal! —Buffalo Courier-Express. A Man’s House, Ete. He: After all, I am sure there is no place like home. Sue: Why, has something unpleasant happened at the club, dear? —Pearson’s Weekly (London). THE FISHING ENTHUSIAST GETS A NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY. —C. C. N. Y. Mercury. “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Installment Restrictions A woman asked her daughter one afternoon recently to stop using a vacu- um cleaner which the family had just acquired, “TI don’t want her to use it,” the mother said to a caller, “because we are paying for it on the installment plan.” “Well, Mother,” the girl complained, “can't I play on the piano, either?” — Youngstown Telegram. 1928 Version Ix time of peace, prepare four more detachments of Marines. —Brooklyn Eagle. Tue difference between colleges and nations is that colleges sever relations to prevent trouble.— Detroit News. PTAs Titania Lady: Wasy’t IT YOU TO WIIOM I GAVE A GLASS OF ELDERBERRY WINE NESDAY ? Mendicant: yes, MA’AM—1’VE COME TO SEE IF YOU COULD SELL ME A BOTTLE OF IT. Passing Show (London). LAST WED- Impatience Bossy was getting impatient with his sweetheart and said: “Betty, how is our romance going to end?” “Why, Bobby, why did you go and bring that up? You don’t want to skip to the last chapter yet, do you?” was the apprehensive reply.—Indianapolis News. Why Be Ashamed? ““*My husband is not ashamed to admit that he likes his whisky and sodo.’’’—Daily Paper. “Awnp so do I,” she meant to say, no doubt.—Humorist (London). A man has less courage than a woman. Try to imagine one with twelve cents in his pocket trying on seven suits of clothes.—Detroit Free Press. Children should be Mopern Version: seen and not had.—College Humor. Our Office Boy (out for a birthday eve- ning, to dignified head waiter of fashion- able restaurant): 11, GARsONG! —Tit-Bits (London). Country Life in America “A number of Coeburn and Tom’s Creek people accompanied by a few from Norton were at Pound Gap Tuesday night attending the lynching. Names of those present were un obtainable at the time of going to press.” Crawford’s Weekly. Next week the church supper, then the Community Chest drive—these are busy days!—New Yorker. Had Seen Enough A Fuurrno, after visiting the United States and observing our various re- strictions, went home and advised the gang: “Keep still about liberty.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Accorpinc to an ancient etiquette book, “When alone with him, a lady may ad- dress her husband by his Christian name.” Yes, and how! —Arkansas Gazette. Re ermer®*slen ne 4 FB “AND DID YOUR POOR HUSBAND SUFFER VERY LONG?” “EVER SINCE THE DAY HE MET ME.” —Buen Humor (Madrid).

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31 Ten Years After Ir was inevitable that we should finally run across that old college friend whose life ambition had been to write a novel that would cut deeply into the world of American letters. Sooner or later our path was bound to cross his, and we would again see the man who had gone forth from the campus to scotch literary bugaboos, to create new forms, new ideals. Well, it happened. We the street. “What are you doing? inquired, stupidly. He cleared his throat. advertising,” he replied, a sock in the eye.’ met him on we “I am writing “and I will give you "—New Yorker. I busy men and women—Abbott's lightful tonic and invigorator c. W. Abbott & Co., Bitters, sample by mail, Baltimore, Md. a de- 25 cts. Fifty-Fifty I nove my neighbor as myself, But sometimes, you can see, When I am feeling on the shelf, I don’t think much of me. —Youngstown Telegram. nr Y “AND \ cynic recently said of his wife: “At the end of the evening she was so tired | she could hardly keep her mouth open.” | —Tit-Bits (London). WIFE'S AND MY YOU—WHAT ARE A Patient MAN LEARNING THE DAUGHTER THE VIOLIN.” You PIANO, LEARN- ” ING? “TO SUFFER IN SILENCE.” —Gutiérrez (Madrid). Grammatica Africana From Georgia comes this contribution to the science of Afro-American gram- mar: Tue Garvener: Miz Pukins, kin y’-all lemme git off fo’ de aftahnoon now? Mrs. Perkins: Well, Zeke, you done everything I told you to? Tue Garpvener: Yass’m. Leastways, I done swope off de po’ch an’ roke up de leaves—Emporia Gazette. have In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE In the Dim Past Grior1a Swanson is said to yearn, now and then, to return to slapstick comedy. Miss Swanson, if you remember, once the dark lady of the Sennetts. —New York Evening Post. was Exodus “The party was one long riot from beginning to end. were Story. It’s just like them to do that. —Humorist (London). cooks Short Even before dinner popping off in all was served, ” directions Awnorner attractive kind of flight across the Atlantic is a non-start flight. | —Detroit News. is published every Thursday, Britain, Office. text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. cat Britain apply to Lire, Rolls House, London, E. C., England. Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. contributions will be returned unless accompanied by simultaneously Canada and British Possessions. For Repr Breams Buildin sta in the U nited £tates, Title registered in L. S The foreign trade supplied from Lire’s int Rights gs, Fetter mped and addressed envelope. non-return of unsolicited contributions. Lire does not hold itself porn for the loss or Notice of change of address should reach this office two weeks prior to the date of issue to be affected. addressed to LIFE, 598 Madison Avenue, New Yearly Subscription Rate, $5.00 (Canadian, $5.80; } Foreign, $6. -60). All communications should be York. PERSONS YOU'RE SIMPLY MAD ABOUT The Chap with the snappy line about moths Oswald's the sort every hostess adores. He upsets the ash trays all over her floors. “It keeps out the moths,” smiles Oswald. How ever Can Ozzie think up things so killingly clever? If you don't find NevasMok at your favorite smoke shop just send us $2.50 and we will ship you one postpaid. EVASMOK bears the highest endorsement of the Modern Hostess’ Protective Association and the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Moths. Furthermore, it is absolutely smokeless and odorless—and we're not fooling. You can stand a Nevasmok on its head without spilling the flake of an ash. Yet it is as quickly cleaned out as a butter and egg man in the clutches of a hard- working blonde. You can tip a Nevasmok over but you can’t keep it about Nevasmok is the w It’s In—It’s Out” isn’t just a catch line. It’s the sta way it neatly smothers a glowing cigarette end. down. But the best thing “When tement of a profound truth. YANKEE METAL PRODUCTS CORPORATION, 507 W. 50th St., New York Specialists in artistic smoke accessories New York Showroom 353 Fifth Avenue Room 708 NEVASMOK . Smokeless and Odorless Ash Receiver =. = * ———— ll Po Pontos ht Mart 666 Lake Shore Drive Space 618

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Life the vogue in present-day dress Mannish, sturdy, safe —and so convenient. Nothing to pinch, pull or loosen up after long wear. Simply two bands of metai held together by a friction-bar. * Ze ‘Lo 4, Your jeweler has a complete range of Wristacrats to show you—in 12-K green, white * and yellow gola-fillei—for © both men and women. §& ‘Priced from $5.50 to $6.50 ae LOUIS STERN CO. Providence, R. 1. \ AL DANDRUFF A Sure Way to End It There is one sure way that never fails to re- move dandruff completely, and that is todissolve it. Then you destroy it entirely. To do this, just apply a little Liquid Arvon at night before retiring; use enough to moisten the scalp and rub it in gently with the finger tips. By morning, most, if not all, of your dandruff will be gone, and two or three more applications will completely dissolve and entirely destroy every single sign and trace of it, no matter how much dandruff you may have. You will find, too, thatall itching of the scalp will stop instantly and your hair will be lustrous, glossy, silky and soft, and look and feel a hun- dred times better. You can get Liquid Arvon at any drug store, and a four ounce bottle is all you will need. P a simple remedy has never been known to ail. Theatrical Guide for Non-Theatregoers (Continued from page 25) the last moment a mysterious some one sends her an alligator pear, thus causing her to take her Hispano- Suiza and drive it off a cliff. This one will probably be pinched by the police. The Clean, or Hick Show. Daughter has a young man who is about to propose marriage in his own sweet time but the family will stick in its oar. So with great en- terprise the young couple secretly raise mushrooms in the dead of night and pay off the mortgage, the young man becoming mayor of the im- proved city of Wellville as the cur- tain falls, heir to $78,000,000 made over to him by his crabby Uncle Ben (a great character role). The con- stabule (delivery boy, man-of-all- work) will be comic. The Political Play. A fictitious president of the United States is the head of a ring of bootleggers, in secret alliance with Mexico and up to no good with a blonde stenog- rapher from the Patent Office. He refuses to have her likeness put on a new issue of two-cent stamps, so she spills the beans. The president drinks a large glass of uncut Scotch and dies from the shock. Back-Stage Life. Good-hearted women in scant clothing contend against black villainy or domestic discord, showing in the main that if these people are pungent, wild, ungoverned and salty, underneath it all they are just folks like you and me. Relieved by frequent musical interpolation, but not much. Highbrow Stuff. If at all worthy of the name, totally incomprehen- sible, but distinguished by the leap- ing, weaving, tossing, surging and general messing about of a large, in- tense group recruited from the per- sonnel of the dramatic school of the organization putting on the play. General idea is that the over-soul revolts through symbolism against convention to the dawn of a greater understanding, not necessarily shared by the audience. Henry William Hanemann. The Tale of an Osculation HE: No.—passively. \" He: No?—interrogatively. Sue: No.—emphatically. He: So!—derisively. Sue: Go!—haughtily. He: No.—decisively. Sue: Oh!—ezplosively. TocetTHER: Oo.—ecstatically. J. R. D. To break a cold harmlessly and in a |hurry try a Bayer Aspirin Tablet. And |for headache. The action of Aspirin is |very efficient, too, in cases of neuralgia, neuritis, even rheumatism and lumbago! And there’s no after effect; doctors give Aspirin to children—often infants. When- ever there’s pain, think of Aspirin. The genuine Bayer Aspirin has Bayer on the box and on every tablet. All druggists, with proven directions. Physicians prescribe Bayer Aspirin; it does NOT affect the heart Aspirin is the trade mark of Bayer Manufacture of Monoaceticacidester of Salicylicacid Sere: - im _ t ¥ t The Jones Farmstead |\1 ONES DAIRY FARM SAUSAGE Sold by good dealers every- where. If you haven't eaten it, write us for nearest Jones Dealer or see your marketman. JONES DAIRY FARM Fort Atkinson, Wis. Owned and: Operated: by the Jones Family since 1834.

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Life Glossary of Popular Song Terms OPULAR SONG: Any superbly idiotic collection of words, pref- erably without the germ of an idea, gathered, borrowed or invented by a popular song writer and set to Popular Music: A tune uprooted from classical music and _trans- planted into an accompaniment con- sisting of a pandemonium of dis- cordant notes, shrieks, screams, whistles, ete., by an alleged Composer: Any _ boilermaker, blacksmith or steel riveter who can find a word to rhyme with Baby: Feminine, any female who is not a baby, preferably one who is unmarried or married to somebody else, synonymous with Mamma; Any woman who is not a mamma; that is, not in your own immediate family, a term usually preceded by the word Hot: Having a high temperature, being in a febrile condition, feverish, in rare instances brain-feverish, the rare instances being when there is a brain present, this organ not being necessary when the subject is in Love: The tender sentiment which keeps popular-song writers’ parents from shooting them when they show signs of breaking into the Song-Writing Game: Mailing your verses around the country to all the publishers till they get worn out and you decide to Publish It Yourself: Pay for the printing and then carry all the copies around in the bottom of your trunk for the rest of your days, un- less you happen to have an uncle who is a Song Publisher: The fellow who makes all the money in the song business anyhow, and what every song writer is going to be as soon as he makes one Big Song Hit: Any popular song that lasts over ten days. Asia Kagowan. «AIRY Story—There has been discovered a detour sign that looks like the work of an expert sign-painter. EUROPE $7.22 ai, 200 All Expense Tours $195 up. Booklet Free. Mediterranean and Scandinavian Cruises, $390 ALLEN TOURS, Inc., 154 B treet, Boston awall-:- Waikiki Romantic places you’ve always wanted to see Go now on the Malolo N EMERALD set in the blue Pacific... an island paradise — Hawaii. Four days beyond the Golden Gate its pleasures are waiting for you; its fascinations are eager to claim you. Think of swimming off Waikiki in the moonlight; think of golf on a famous mid-Pacific course—think of strangely deli- cious new foods to eat, new sights to see,new sports to enjoy! Why not go now? Glamorous Hawaii is now but four short days from the mainland. Even from New York it is but three weeks’ round-trip. The splendid new MALOLO, swiftest and most luxurious passenger vessel ever built in the United States, sails from San Francisco every other Satur- day. She makes the passage in the amazing time of only four days. Let this year mark the happy event of your Hawaiian holiday. There are one or more Matson sailings from San Fran- cisco every week. Regular sailings from Seattle, too. All-expense inde- pendent tours of Hawaii from $275. AUSTRALIA and the, South Seas ONLY 19 DAYS VIA HONOLULU Sailings from San Francisco every third Thursday «Matson liners offer— FASTEST TIME, FREQUENT SAILINGS, COMMODIOUS QUARTERS, SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT, ALL DAY AT HONOLULU. Features of the Malolo Accommodations for 600 first class passengers. Seven decks for passengers’ use. Elevators serve all decks. Motion picture theatre. Ballroom, completely equipped gymnasium, children’s playroom and huge Pompeian swimming pool. A telephone at the head of every bed. 150 private bathrooms. More deck space for its size than any ship afloat. Excellent meals. Dining room seats all passengers at one time. HARRIS TWEED :=*%23s-!s2 Matson line lengths by post, $2.00 per yd. Samples free tt il h s A li Guin" dauat” NEWALL. 27 Seoteoway, Seotaess Hawaii - South Seas - Australia FOR g MEN OF BRAINS For information about Matson tours inquire at our nearest office or at any travel agency OF | / ds | G A RS Write Matson Navigation Company, Dept. 29-B. at any of the following addresses: 215 Market Sr., - > San Francisco —535 Fifth Ave., New York—140 So. Dearborn St., Chicago —510 W. Sixth Sc., “MADE AT KEY WEST Los Angeles— 1319 Fourth Ave., Seattle.

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© 1928, P. Lorillard Co., Est. 1760 EMBARRASSING MOMENTS When you take your fiancee, who lives forty miles from the city, to the theatre and a supper club, and then miss the last train that you assured her she’d be sure to make, be nonchalant, light a MURAD Cigarette. TT Mrs. Pep’s Diary (Continued from page 22) bank to which their son Horace belongs, and it does seem to me a pity that the place is not open to the public, for the clam-juice cock- tails were finer than those from Sam’s club, and the shoe-string po- tatoes different from and better than any I did ever eat in my life, being cut flat like apple parings instead of round like matches, and had I the secret of their preparation I could turn many a table guest green with envy, which, after all, is not too worthy an ambition, but one indig- enous to the best of my sex. Home betimes, Sam bringing in a few cronies, and in pooling our concep- tions of life’s greatest tragedies Sam quoth, “That the achievement of near-beer is reached only through the de-alcoholization of the genuine article.” All the evening at home, reading in a fine book called “The House Made with Hands,” written anonymously, I know not why, for could I turn out anything half so good, I should have Sam dashing about town like Paul Revere. One minor point which pleased me in particular was a small boy’s com- ment on his first glimpse of his new infant sister: “When it’s bigger it can clean the rabbit hutch.” Baird Leonard. EW Version—All’s fair in love and Nicaragua. - > No matter whether you plan to spend $300 or $3000, our specially prepared descriptive booklet, sent free on request, will be invaluable. Tours with escort. Independent Tours. Private Auto Tours. DEAN & DAWSON, Ltd. 500 Fifth Ave., New York, N.Y. Established 57 years 40 European Offices PARIS ROME LONDON CAIRO Books Received The Bridge of San Luis Rey. By Thornton Wilder (Albert & Charles Bont). Tom Masson’s Book of Wit and Humor. By Thomas L. Masson (Sears). The Spirit of St. Louis. Edited by Charles Vale (Doran). My Pious Friends and Drunken Companions. Edited by Frank Shay (Macaulay). The Ugly Duchess. wanger (Viking Press). The Imperial Orgy. By Saltus (The Modern Library). The Life of Jesus. By Renan (The Modern Library). Old Calabria. By Norman Doug- las (The Modern Library). Opera Synopses. By J. Walker McSpadden (Crowell). Hands Up! By Capini (Stokes). A Fairy Leapt Upon My Knee. By Bea Howe (Viking Press). By Lion Feucht- Edgar Ernest Vequin FREE TRIAL Grows Hair AMAZING NEW ELECTRICAL — urgeon has discovered an amazing o grow hair, called Dermo-Ray. In 30 —— no more — ruff Scalp tissues are given new life. Then within a few weeks, luxuriant new hair! The startling discovery of the almost magic effect of Infra-Red Rayson the hair-growing tissues was made by aleading surgeon. Two years ago be was self bald. Today his hair is full and thick. FAMOUS SURGEON’S DISCOVERY Here is his own personal, home treatment, called Dermo- Ray. Attast a home method endorsed by science. Guar- ansesd to bring you these same results in 30 days— you pay nothing. You can use De in any ase thelectricity. The warm, soothing Infra- Ra yiteiinn the scalp while you rest—a few minutes all the time required. SEND NO MONEY (7 oitundine cw srtentific tremens SL eviniogs of enter mcontrovert- ties, rial offer sent free, a. oot it your name mail the coupon NO’ scalp and hair es plainly -==—----FREE TRIAL OFFER-----~ The Larson Institute 216 N. Wabash Ave., Dept, 182, Chicago, Ill. . full pisia a Ne ce act Spey hues Titel of DERMO- Name Address City

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rr 2 (eG ee hUmTllCU ' = a Life Excess Fat - Bars Goodies |SB Jus Get Thin without Starvation Excess fat causes many constant self- denials. Every day brings a new fight, and only a small percentage gain in those ways what they seek. The real cause is left uncorrected. Over 20 years ago medical science dis- covered a great cause of excess fat. It lies in lack of a substance which controls nutrition. A factor which Nature em- ploys to turn food into fuel and energy, rather than into fat. Then that factor was embodied in Marmola prescription tablets. Now peo- ple have used them for two decades— millions of boxes of them. They have told the results to others. Today every- one can see that excess fatis nowhere near as common as it was. In almost every circle slenderness prevails. The use of Marmola requires no ab- normal exercises or diet, though moder- ation helps. Users simply take four tablets daily until they correct the cause. They know what they are taking, and why. The formula is given in every box, also the reasons for all results. Every user knows why the benefits come, and why they involve no harm. You should try Marmola. Consider what it has done for so long, for so many. Watch what it brings to you in new beauty, new health and vitality. Learn the easy, pleasant, right way to a normal figure. As long as you live you may be glad that you hen this scientific meth- od. Order now—before you forget it. Do not wait. Marmola prescription tablets are sold by all druggists at $1 per box. If your druggist is out, he will get them at once from his jobber. MARMOLA Prescription Jablet. Pleasant Way to The Leadi CharteredC NORWA Yj tnrrennaneaN ss “Lancastria,”’ June 30 52 days, $600—$1300; Lisbon, Spain, Tangier, Algiers, Italy, Riviera, Sweden, Norway, Scotland, Berlin, (Paris, London). in. Mediterranea 65 da World Cruise, pg ig pt Soo up Frank C. Clark, TimesBidg.,N.¥. Lessons in New Yorkese A Tragedy Along the Main Stem “ T AHEAR about Ginsbaum fella?” “Ginsbaum amannaja tha Gar- lix moonpitcha theayta?” “Yeah. He gessem anoo head- usha see? Wella fois night thusha goes owside tatake alook aroun annie seeza lawn line accustimus stannin inna lobby annout innata street.” “Sure wattavvit? Ta Garlix izza good house. Itmakes money. Slike at alla time.” “Thass jussa pernt. Watta zanoo usha do busstart shoutin, “‘Steppup inna front! Plenny aroom! Plenny aroom! Inside ovva minnit anna haff he jamsa whole lottovvem in- side atheayter. Lobby as bare azza choris goils back.” “Feryin nout lowid!” “You seddit! Anna big boss comes alawn annie don’t see no line out- side annie sensfa Ginsbaum an tells- im heza ninsult totha whole moon- pitcha indistry anta exhibitis in general witno lawn line outin frontof his theayta annie fires him!” “No kiddin! Wawas eatin Gins- baum heshould hire a _headusha likeat? Ginsbaum_ shoulda noo betta.” “Sure he shoulda noo betta. But could he tell tha guy had woiked f’four years annahaff azza suwway guard?” a. W. @. The Lass Who Loved a Salesman OOD-BY, and off you go again Through Wichita, Wheeling and Fort Wayne, From Mio, Mich., and Monson, Maine, To N. Y. C. Oh, why must our love ever be Devoid of all propinquity, And mailed about, from you to me, By R. F. D.? Why frustrate us with “Postage Due,” “No such address” and t ”” For I am here, but where are you? R. S. V. P. “Return D. M. Service [% an Indiana penitentiary, a con- victed murderer was told by his wife that he was doomed to die un- less he could get a pardon from the Governor of the State. She asked: “How do you go about getting a par- don from the Governor?” “That’s easy,” he replied, and raised his voice: “Hey, Governor, how about a pardon?” was the reply that came from the next cell. The Smart World of Sport | is getting ready - - Now! | for the Grand National | Steeplechase at Liverpool | --...in March The Grand National — the most valuable steeplechase in the world, and the most spec- tacular—is an event that no “sporting” family of any importance, here or abroad, from Royalty down through De Brett’s and Burke, will willingly miss... Of course, you'll want to attend the brilliant Race Ball at the Midland-Adelphi. . . Cunard’s unusual facilities in- clude . . . furnished country homes within easy reach of Aintree... hotel accommoda- tions in Liverpool ...or on the Caronia and Scythia specially held at their docks for Cunard patrons. We've been flooded, the last two weeks, with bookings for the March sailings of the Caronia and Tuscania on the 17th and the Aquitania - - on the 21st - - which docks at Southampton just one day before the Race... Why not also attend the Fox- hunters Steeplechase over the same course, Saturday, March 31st and if you like, sail back home that evening from Liverpool on the Caronia? Ask about the GRAND NATIONAL at the Cunard Line Offices. . . or send for a little folder, about it - - CUNARD LINE ® See Your Local Agent 1840 « Bighty . Eight . Years . of . Service - 1928

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36 L 1 fe read Li fe regularly EVERY week! There are a lot of special numbers on the way: ST. PATRICK’S, EASTER, TRAVEL and BURLESQUE NUMBERS. You can get them at the news-stand every Friday (if you get there quickly enough). Or they will all be delivered to your home by an obliging postman—if you fill out the little coupon below. * * * There will be a series of unusually comical and decorative covers by JOHN HELD, Jr.,. RUSSELL PATTERSON, JOHN LAGATTA, GARRETT PRICE and others. * * * Beginning in March, we will introduce an inno- vation in the physical appearance of LirzE. The magazine will wear a new typographical dress. Watch for this improvement, and let us know what you think of it. * * a Why not try a trial subscription NOW? Ten weeks for one dollar. Ten weeks of the best humor—in text and pictures—that America can produce. Remember—a sense of humor implies the sense to subscribe for it. Obey that Impulse! LIFE 598 Madison Avenue, New York, N. Y. Please send me LIFE for ten weeks, for which I enclose One Dollar (Canadian, $1.20; Foreign, $1.40). By the Year, $5.00 (Canadian, $5.80; Foreign, $6.60) 4 The Winning Answer to Kay’s Seventh Letter EAR Kay: The Montmartre Café must have overwhelmed you —because— To see the Golden Gate at San Francisco—you took the Sausalito (not Oakland) Ferry from the Ferry Building at the foot of Market Street. Passing Alcatraz Island you saw the military prison (U. S. Disciplinary Barracks )—the State (not State’s) Prison is at San Quentin. Bridges have been proposed across Golden Gate, the entrance to the harbor (but not to San Rafael, ten miles north), and across the harbor to Oakland or Alameda. In San Francisco you saw the Cliff House, the original of which was built long before “The Gay Nineties” and the present one in 1909. The one mentioned in Frank Norris’ serious novel, “McTeague” (not “MacTigue’), was built in 1895. The “troupe” of seals (not trained) are on the rocks offshore, not on the beach nearby. After leaving San Francisco, you flew over Monterey and Santa Barbara (but not Coronado—near San Diego) to Los Angeles. You landed on Clover Field—in Santa Monica, not between Hollywood and Culver City. The Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios and Pathé-DeMille Studios (formerly Cecil B. DeMille Studios — where DeMille’s Biblical dramas were made) are in Culver City. Sennett comedies are made at the Sennett studios in Los Angeles. Norma Talmadge is with United Artists and “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” was made at Universal City. Over in Hollywood, the Fairbanks and Chaplin studios are much farther apart than just across the street from each other and the Montmartre Café (not “Cafeteria’’) is on Hollywood—not Sunset—Boulevard (spelled with- out the extra “e” Tom Mix makes his living as a movie star and writes for Lire incidentally. Gilbert Roland (notice the spelling) is probably still wondering how you mistook a waiter for him. On the way from Hollywood to the business section of Los Angeles (Hollywood is part of Los Angeles) you would hardly go through Pasadena (where the Busch— not “Bush”—Gardens are). You might go through the North Broadway tunnel or the tunnel under Bunker Hill (not Telegraph Hill—in San Francisco). Four blocks from there is the Biltmore—the Ambassador is four miles away. Tia Juana, which is across the border (San Diego is not), might more readily be called “The City of Fallen Angels” than Los Angeles, the name of which, in Span- ish, means just “The Angels.” Truthfully, Exmer D. Busune tu, 1124 Church Street, Evanston, Illinois PRIZE WINNERS (Kay’s Seventh Letter) First Prize of $75.00—won by Ermer D. Busunett, 1124 Church Street, Evanston, Illinois. Five Second Prizes (two more than were offered) of $25.00 each—won by: Mapet Crarr Deerine, 2709 Larkin Street, San Francisco, California. James W. Granam, 427 Waldo Avenue, Pasadena, California, Mrs. Harvey Roney, 1816 Laurel Avenue, South Pasadena, California. Martin SHEPHERD, Chevy Chase, D. C. Guienn D. Wuister, 11334 Mayfield Road, Cleve- land, Ohio. | 21-5406 Connecticut Avenue, THE DEVINNE-HALLENBECK COMPANY, INC., PRINTERS, NEW YORK