Life 1927-11-03: Vol 90 Iss 2348

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NOVEMBER 3, 1927 PRICE 15 CENTS a oe ~=esting : = -—3 PS ae TREE ee SD ee

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' t . Still | Nothing has so stirred the motoring public in years as the Chrysler Hi high-compression en- gine. Through it the immense vitality and brilli- ance in speed, acceleration and hill climbing of Chrysler have been accentuated. Now, for the first time, the virtues and values of high-compression are available in fullest measure, to Chrysler owners, new and old alike. The ‘ is standard on the roadsters of the “52,” “62” and *72,”’ and on the Sport Roadster of the Imperial “80.” It is available at small extra cost for all other body models of these lines, and may be ap- plied as well, to earlier Chryslers now in the hands of owners. — JE FL Yee SN > PITRWa LOLI AGL GU High Compression Power ~ —_—_- —_—_— ~ IMPERIAL 8O

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The Good Things in Life .... Among them—and well t front of the list s Grebe Natural Speaker $35 Grebe Soapet Power for ‘B” and “C” power $ supply {less tube} 50 Grebe Synchrophase Seven $y 2 >) Grebe Synchrophase Five $95 di set A Grebe dy nchrophase Seve gives the unfailing performanc« you enjoy in a fine motor « It is reliable. This is because it is built completely in the Grebx factory The workmanship is able to that in a good timepr j Pride of ownership ot a Grebs asserts itself for two reasons One is because of the s if reception it affords ts un rivaled naturalness of tone anportene f in combination witl a Grebe Natural Speaker yO Another is its refined beau the result of quality mater ind dignity of design, enhanc« Dy a oe sa quetry ir lay anel, ex juisitel y wrought Hear a Grebe. Not unti ‘ can you understand how C srebx engineers interpret the wor performance. Send for Booklet L; then have a ¢ srebe dealer prove, in your home, that you car “get it better with a Grebe A. H. Grebe © Co., Inc 109 West 57th Street, N. Y. ¢ Western Branch: 443 §. San Ped » Los Angeles, Calif Factory: Richmond Hill, N. ¥ Makers of quality radio since 1909 erior ReEB) ess sn YNCHROPHASF, TRADE MARK £00 VA MT OFF “RADIO

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Stinset t limited Wf ay ex this world-famed train or the Argonaut speed fa L your journey through the balmy air and superb climate of the Golden Southwest. Daily from New Orleans to Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco, with the Apache Trail as an enchanting motor link along the way. nom For the representative arrange your return over the eward trip have a Southern Pacific Golden State Route: through El Paso, portal toOld Mexico; via Apache Land, Kansas City, Chicago. Overland Route: American River Canyon and across Great Salt Lake via Omaha to Chicago. along the Shasta Route: North via Klamath over new Cascade Line— Mc. Shasta, Portland and the Pacific Northwest. See the whole Pacific Coast from Mexico to Canada— Metropolitan Cities — Movieland—Chinatown—dquaint Spanish Missions—smiling valleys. Southern Pacific offers you four great routes for trans-continental travel uthern Pacific — For information and literature, write, phone or call your nearest Southern Pacific representative New York: 165 Broadway and 531 Fifth Ave. at 44th St. Chicago: 33 West Jackson Blvd New Orleans: Pan. Am Bank Bldg. Houston: So Pacific Bldg. Los Angeles: Paci- fic Elegtric Bldg. Sam Francisco: Southern Pacific Building lished Weekly by Life Pub. Co., 598 Madison Ave., N. Y, Y. t of March 3, 1379. Printed in U.S. A. Ent io ae lass Matter at the Post Office Dept. Canada, Copyright Sut seription, $5.00. Vol. 90, No. 2348 Nov. 3, 1927 The Phrase-Makers YHOUGH he brings tears of an- guish to my eyes, And makes me wish he rested a ‘neath the clover, | I do not crown the coot who coyly cries: , “You must come over!” And though with rage he makes me leap and dance And burst out into grim and gloomy song now, I wreak no vengeance on the chump who chants, ) “It won't be long now! Yet patience has its end, like other things In Charon’s craft a humid, hot and muggy rid " Is what I wish the sap who sweetly sings, ‘Thanks for the buggy rid D’ In nuns io Cohen. Another Chicago Crime world! \ reader Tribune: “A few to pun this wicked writes to the Chicago found it dauchter Yesterday used it in a | On, ago I my little a | ully.’ critic d vs necess for your moving re ary using the word picture iew.” | —Kansas City Star. Phoenix ettret » ouglas on NOGALES T tT Ss j x h “a ha wo hours, ov h XN Ss I rizor : Lot f her Hot s } g and Mex N pe j i time Nog 'y f INOGALES WONDERLAND CLUB, Inc., Nogales, Arizona. Please send free booklet (104) ‘Name \oMddress Ent'd as 2nd Cl 1927, Life Pub. Co., in

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A anh essiOr

Life selection is complete. as received and shipped at once. will not be reprinted. Buy now, while the Orders will be filled MUST empty my warehouse shelves, in preparation for a new series of better, larger, more beautiful books at a higher price. Little Blue Books é° [hao .

re 40 Brightly Colored Tales of Pas $80 Polar Exploration and Ad 196

Passion Stories of Many Hues 602 My e Letters of a Parisiatr mid Actress 698 Tales of Chicago Streets 2093 cit Love, ete. Boccacs Hecht € re steries of Egypt's Pyra- 208 ;

ae Q each (Postage prepaid Ghosts Jokes Entertainment I Will Pay the Postag to clear out the last of the little Blue Books at 673 Tales of Love and Life. Boc- 770 Adventure f Kit cact Her 676 More e Letters of Parisian 795 Gunga é ve A eRs h “ 707 Epig s of Love, Life 79720 Yeas A g Af 746 Daughter of Eve Frank 927 St scillus, et H f Mass Product Harris Wells ality Prod he 817 Her Burning Secret. Val- 939 Poe ‘ f Imag howing this t | the dagne Science i { transporta ‘ 892 | es | ¢ Fre h 944 Mas ece f Ad to adition of the 929 French Love Ma Sten- 945 Tales of Oriental Lif g mn t factorie dhal 946 Tales of Desert Place e world 987 Art of ¥ g 956 Italia es words 1045 A Mad Sweetheart. Belza Revenge g Y: 1039 Cor ense of Sex. James 1001 Italia sdit 7 Onnenhe 1024 Tales of | 3 We 1) not want to save t 1166 Infat and Other Tales Londor t f sa g Hecht 1053 G le t N : St sality. We are willing t 1174 A Mad Love. Frank Ha Sections more for wt get 1190 What Price I t Anton 1124 On the I Tr led it . ‘ t Chekhov Shetmhe sndards 1195 First Tove and Other Stories 1168 Ad style 1292 Forbidden Love. Ba Palr Londot n. be ere 1244 How Write I e Letters 1169 Tale f &s t exclusive 1247 Pevcholoey of Love and Fate Londot Ret sgaising cold fact we 1249 Best Jokes About Lovers 1201 Desert Is \ ede tute ist Wyss Ve shal! Murder . | close ek a eg Better English = por Man. Hye 86 Dictionary of Americar ‘ we sus 1) J nad Me vde Common —_ * - eaperetcnatboons | 28 D4, Jexyll and Mr. Hyde. $2 Common Faults in ne K 1 books rut mot to sel! Redauns oe acer ° oo tho - t 5 cents per coy Wes 46 W “ eM ler. Osca 367 aon aah e' - Rag on ayy e lat! 66 Cr ‘ f the Borgias Du 437 How ¢ Write , books caref se ecte 7 : . ~— , ‘ arlJs efit ra Aman. : 107 Drea V ind Yellow 514 How to Write Poet ee peg Be rige ( t 639 Most Esse Eng ' very. 149 H ( and al aes Ghoake all tines . 823 « ro ait Self r ~ . . 883 Capital Punishment Clar- 855 How to Write Letts © DOOK ence Darrow 992 Foreign Words I 1019 Blveheard ar Unhappy 986 How to Talk and De Wives 1042 Crime at Red Inr Ra i 1087 Truth about N's ss Sex Hygiene e towr ‘ P 1086 My Favorite Murder. Ar 01 Mankond: Fe ta rose Bierce - . 127 W Expe é : h t 3,000,000 Books $36 What Women Past 4 must be sold to make 653 What | rk t room for the new Know a : series! 654 What ¥ g tes while we K 655 W \ ¢ ¥ Know 656 W xe Know 657 W {a w g y e661 A Ne Dreise 689 WV : ~ I 690 M Se Life. } 691 « Se fe. } 692 H wexual J Fic 717M lern Se M 4 ent Wood 726 Venereal Diseases. D 800 S« Ps t Ana W ood 804 Fre Sleep a 5 Ire e11 netics Beg 812 Here } Fentor B46 W ct I 903 AIlA S ; —_ 904 Sex & File g 950 Det nation of S« 4 1250 Judee Lindse nate Marriage

22 ‘ 1197 2 } 7 66 | ‘ 292 - 304 W j 4 417 P 556 Hi ‘ 644 \ 666-607 ‘ 4 4s "8 : 730 i 806 9 731 z3 4 eee M +4 901 W : 6 822A W 947 } 955 01 \ } , , W43A ‘ - 6 Comp'‘et2 Your - Lidrary ‘ 658 . é ‘ ee ~ t 847 10444 k 1048 Z 1067 BK 96( 1070 How 1079 I 2 1092 8 3 4 ose Hi 1 S 82 1: 93 46 31 84 22 ‘“ of " 35 I 20 1187 ~ ‘ 182 2 246 133 09 k ; + 9 { 44. 233 Better Meals tf 518 ° 668 Marriage 4a M Me I 67 ale 4 83 g - 1 ve Ra 1761 893 , 89 228 I 995 ¢ f 645 4 "i 19 648 A ~ 063 727 . 03 Tes Z 82 A 118 864 9 953 ‘ 948 e644 hi Y Ma 988 Art of t W om $978 Re i 1031 How 1032 H e Ve re 1041 Hiow t te hairs 1148 Sex es a A 1189 How to Make M Hi

oe - Buy your last supply of Little Blue Books during this sale. will not be reprinted. Send only 5c per book—we pay postage. aa They Dept. X-132 How to Order

Haldeman-Julius Publications Girard, Kansas

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c2is Lp y hes v4 fd Th ERE are more millionaires on Park Avenue, New York Than any other thoroughfare or section in the world That’s what the Income Tax men say. Go there some morning or evening and note the men who go into thé $45,000 a year apartments And you’ll see a Starched Collar crowd. Or look at the Aristocrats of Manhattan taking their ease in the big chairs at the windows of the Avenue Clubs— All Starched Collars. And look again at the men in the execu- tive offices of the big banks— Starched Collars again— And Arrows at that. So it only takes a few cents To dress like a man that counts. ARROW COLLARS Conditions in Hollywood According to the Public Prints THE motion picture industry has never been in healthier conditio: and prospects are excellent except for the fact that all the large pro ducing companies are on the verg of bankruptcy. A meeting of pic ture people proved conclusively last night that perfect harmony prevails throughout the entire industry. The meeting terminated in a riot which ended only with the arrival of Police Rese rves. Every one in Holly wood is busy and prosperous with the ex ception of sixty thousand people who are starving to death. Wall Street reports that never before hav motion picture stocks attained their present high level and Stupendous Pictures Corporation stock dropped from 109 to 2%, in less than an hour All the big studios are working night and day to complete their next vear’s programs. ‘There will be no motion picture production in Hollywood for the next year because the studios ar closing to save operating costs. Robert Lord. H E (at football qame): Your ¢ ves are wells of mystery. Your Sue: Hold that line Ir is undoubtedly true that its in- gratiating service and superlative cuisine are responsible in large measure for the popularity of THE ROOSEVELT among discerning folk. It is equally true that THE ROOSEVELT dispenses such hos- pitality without the penalty of excessive cost. 1100 Rooms — Single or En Suite BEN BERNIE and his Roosevelt Orchestra Write for a complimentary copy of Rooseveltiana , containing interest- ing anecdotes im story and picture, from the life of the great American The ROOSEVELT Madison Avenue at 45th Street NEW YORK EDWARD CLINTON FoGG M anaging Director

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Life The revolver is an effective instrument in the promotion of law and order. It is an invaluable factor in the conservation of life and property and creates a cling of security > - , ' oe ' Protection for those who go ... protection Wesson—in which accidental discharge by for those who stay—is it fair to yourself and adult or child is absolutely impossible —can your loved ones to leave it entirely in the be as readily and expertly handled by a woman hands of others? Sp any a Oe ee as by a man 2 bid pu 4 How few among us are immune, 2,,4 {Awe would rather attack an unarmed pe- With its possession comes a tran- upon being left alone in isolated 77. )°") init the manufacture ond eale of we. QUil feeling of satisfaction. The places, to an inward feeling of (2juttient: ‘prokib fing the manufacture ana feeling that, while the chances are dread? Fearful, apprehensive vceidenta, chapeticanaaeten ; you will not be molested, the cer- thoughts, too, for the one who has ~aled reap min " m tt x i rim tainty is that you are at least pre- departed on a journey which may = 5'"1" °/ Protation or suspended sentence. pared for very vigorous self-pro- take him, alone, to unprotected QU yPreper means Jor reauena crime tection in the event of frightful and dangerous places before he 7 ishisythe people te hacen At ayes need. returns. het Gaasiee aap anédeeed af te hich od Gown Yoda neneratine ‘nat snave peen handed Somewhere, every day, the things A revolver of the modern super- (Company. J" times af eee eee ting te are happening which go into the safety type made by Smith & cnabied ‘us to protect the tniteuune et! newspapers the next day. Our Descriptive Booklet S may interest you—it will be sent free up« SPRINGFIELD, MASS., U. S.A. THE: REVOLVE BR MANU FACT U BE BR

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€ 4 f ‘ : ( > ; ; : LY B+ 4 it Oo 4 = mn =e o 1 . = , EE a; & & i = 3 = | = hi = = | } \ j Yr Wed } — { \ Send Ceaeeeet * |) ajo She ‘‘Made’’ the Team w A Movie Director Discovers Roget’s Thesaurus is OUT!” eries the director. astounded! You are startled you staggered! You are throw ir “Knit the brows! Frown! are dazzled—you are dazed! You beam end! The other end! Now Seow]! Snarl! Growl! Gnarl! are dumfounded! You are electri- again! It turns vour head! It strike a little more gnarling, Miss Del fied! You are stunned! You ar you dumb! It ike ir tongue \mour: ho-o-old it!—Snap! Redden! stupefied! You are petrified! You cleave to the roof of ir t] Color! Well, try to! Look black! are confounded! You are bewil Hold that cleave You are aghast Look daggers!!! Bite the thumb dered! You are flabbergasted—not You are breat! Ye ire opel Show the teeth—! Grind the teeth—! too much flabbergastion you are mouthed—-show r dimple Yo loo bad, that ‘bite the thumb’ won’t ire awe-struck You are thunder go in Pennsylvania. : struck You ar nst k “All right, Miss Del Amour! planetstruck spellbound! Yo r You've just learned that Boris is lo-o-ost in amaze { Yo re secretly your husband. You won- lo-o-ost in astonishment! You ar ler—you marvel—you admire! You struck all of a heap Chat's ire surprised! You start — you wonderful —marvelous — miraculous tare! You open your eyes! You rub colossal— overwhelming — beggar our eyes! You turn up vour eyes! ing description—CUT! You gloar! Ah! Gloar again. You YF. Teedicin. gape—enough, enough! You ire all agog ! You look . blank - pe-erfect ! — You Typical cannot believe your eyes! > ( )™! COMMUTER You cannot believe your ’ reading paper): Well ears! You cannot believe well, what do vou know! | your senses! You cannot | says here that Jack iccount for it! You don’t | “Gene Cartilage, th know whether you are stand } 9 ‘% heavyweight pior W ing on your head or your *” ad married last night heels — no, stay on your te te Rapip Figut Fan: May heels!—You are astonished Gladys: po you KNOW THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT? be—but I'll bet the wedding —you are amazed—you are Beth: HUMOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER, ISN’T IT? was “fixed

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The Flagpole Sitter’s Manager: BILL! ING riits MAS St \) { a yy J, NORMAN LYND. HEY, THE MAYOR OF THIS BURG IS GO rO BE BURIED AT THREE O'CLOCK AFTERNOON yo GOTTA HALI YOURSELF DURING THE FUNERAL. From the Rumanian (THE little king was trundling his scooter about a patch in the Royal Gardens He llo, Mickey 2 der-hedgeclipper “Here! Here!” king’s equerry. greeted an un stormed thre “You will pleas to refer to our gracious as ‘Your Majesty! sovereign “Like fun I will,” an swered the hedgeclippe r. = “Why, I’ve known that kid Mihai to a H.W.H since he duck !” was Force of Habit TEW ROOMER I want = to report a robbery Last night a fellow came into my room, turned \ the place upside down, bor ransacked it, abused me ites y ind took thirty-seven dol- ; " lars away from me. LaNpLorp: You mustn’t mind that; it was only the customs on inspector the floor above you who WwW ilks | The Dentist Becomes Slightly Confused gos see that the fellow ‘\ Patagonia is open wider please and one of my patients gets it for me by the case genuine pre-war ibscessed condition of the gums so when Coolidge refused to run again | don't think this will hurt you muc!l but the Cadillac is a darn good car and you can always trade it in for a removable bridge between thos« two teeth I knew all the time sh was married open wide r please ina the movies are getting so te rrible that I never go any more this oughtn't t hurt very much when the Irishma saw the Englishman speaking to the girl about the middle of next I'll send you the bill for the balan we tuned in and got Cuba just as had local sta tion and some orchestra was pl iving mont clear as if it been a that wisdom tooth is impacted let's I’ve changed m that slice b to block the ne Robert Lord. vank it out because stance and corrected using Novocain rve BOSTONIAN SHE: Let’s d something exciting All right. Let He: BosTONIAN re id a book. in his sleep. | 7 , . (oA H: Win this game in a business like } manner to-day, men eee! there’s a scout from a big New York bond house in The Driver: LEND ME YOUR CIGARETT! the stands LIGHTER A MOMENT—I VE RUN OUT OF GAS who tried to fly trom Siam to

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“Lovers, Loiterers, Etc.” or Take That, Miss Oelrichs! The reading time of this article, in case you're interested, is 4 hours, 18 minutes, 32 seconds, which is equal to the time you will save by not re ading this article. Wars the matter with Amer ican Men? What is the matter with American Men? What, indeed? This question was recently raised, in Liberty, by Miss Marjorie Oecel richs. Her article presente d a soul

stirring struggle between two ti Pilot: ury! THE WING’s BUSTED! OPEN youR PAI HUTS tanic forces—the Man of the Old Passenger: B-B-BUT 1 DON’T KNOW HOW TO OPEN 11 World vs. the Man of the New Pilot: ALL RIGHT—1I’LL JUMP FIRST. YOU WATCH AND SEE HOW I DO I World in which the score at the end of the last period seemed to be Surely, surely, fellow Americans, Come, come. my brethrer (re we ibout 81 to O in favor of the Old we must not stand here idly twirl to allow this stat t to go wi World. I am left, after reading it, ing our thumbs, while this fair tested? torn and bleeding, every bone in my Flower of the New World (our New body broken, every atom of my con World!) slings this mud of insults ] OVERS, hul ] rs And ir ceit crushed, eve ry spark of my pride in our very taces “ vel newspapers scre ng t extinguished—th« pathe tic remains is every da\ ind especi yons of my former magnificent self. QOMETHING must be done about lay such br lliant re rds of he glory that was Rome.” Ah, *” it! Off with our coats ind Native Lovers as S sS] es! I, too, have been on the Conti vests, too ind let’s show these wit \x Strangles Sweetie nent greasy foreigners what stuff we Mate with Picture Wir r But, summoning my scattéred en Yankees are made of! Hubby Traps Bride’s Boy-friend ergy as best I can. I am pre pared to | ipprove of them is lovers | e Nest Can Euro boast raise the cudgel by the way, where loiterers, dancing partners ind inv Lovers like th Name t can I get a nice new, shiny cudgel? sportsmen and because they are wit! the foreign lover w has chopped in defense of America’s Manhood. out imbition, announces Miss the object of s affection into litt Oelrichs, referring to European met 5 1 the ‘ wist ind } care, has wrapped each ] parately and, tears sti ng dow I rugged t hrow1! par nto swamps and st fled araim pipes Show e the f rh er who, wit! g g ! rtitude, has ted rival vit] hweig I 1 J OITERERS Ho, | Don’t mak 4 me laugh Why. I « 1 na I loz pro nent ger l ] n, 4 r I t tocratic class, for I do not know other kind Paragraph No Miss Oelrichs’ articl i g le eae “ < 1, ia tow the hes = Ree s to ter Let | } r any of those far lands r here the best a I loit t t I d n r rea nd let try t pete with a f r hor t t He'd t TRYING IT ON THE DOG, loitered Please turt page 37

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Mart. Mental Hazards THE ROUGH,

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L Two Inspirational Writers Have a Little Chat “| ELLO, fellow human being. How are you?” “Well, I'm not so good just now. But the sun is sure to break through the clouds before long “Ah, you hav stumbled upon a truth The reisanoppor great tunity for every man and woman in this country.’ “Yes, and the slums ire i bad environment.’ “Yes, and war is bad for the race and should be abolished Spark: DON’T sTEP ON THAT INSECT. “And a prize fight is but a test of brutestrength, ifter all.” developed brain is what Pluq: wuy nor? “IT MIGHT BE THE NEW FORD CAR.” “That’s correct. A hi distinguishes man from the apes.’ “Yes, and Prohibition would be can't be We all the birds and animals.” Yes, and from the ghis but it from a good thing: enforced. can learn something fish too Let's a drink Scott yo get W.H MOTHe WHERE DOES A MOTH PUT IT ALI 1 Ha fe SUST EEIWEEN US GIRL | “MY a ir, he's been CALI yme uj li beSEECH . ing me to go OUT with him but I HON ! think I OUGHT to because ] thn FRIGHTfully FAST and |! in HEAPS simply LOATHE him because I mean thev sa SIMply VILE but | bet vo AN Ything thev are prol just JEALous of him because he’s so awfu good LOOKing and all—vou know the typ But I r think it's AWfully sort of ODD that he sort igNORES prac ticably EV'ry girl in TOWN YES my dear, it's the FUNniest THING ] WHY should he just sort of CONsecrat: ME when ther ire HEAPS of TERribly attractive girls round who would prob'ly go OUT with hi 1 MINute he asked them because, 1 dear, | KNOW Svlvia EARL is MAD about him and s certainly NEVer bee verv parll ibout who she lets BEAU her aROUND do vou know what | meat But I bet ANYthing the whole REAson that ¢ the rep for being terribly FAST and all because he's been sort of SNOOTY to a of girls like SYLvia who r buncl HELL-cats and SCANdal mongrels cause, ANYways, | KNOW SYI i been MAD about him for ages and he's NEVer given her a TUMble: so she’s just turned iGAINS' him, rt of whicl s exactly ] Ik} her, m\ ae ir. d \NYwavs. I HONestly think the ON wav t rt of form an oPINion of anvbod s to sort of JUDGE them for vourSELI stead of b’LIEVing what a lot of poisonous GOS Sips say VGGAINST ther | meat | \¢ tually DO! I Va One Hundred Per Cent Plus +} Je ROM the hall where salesmen 8s ¢ vention was being held came roar roar of applaus« What's all the noise about?” asked policeman of a man who had just stepped out ~~ They've been making speeches,’ replied B tat the latter, ind somebody just introduced - the man who sold Mussolini a book on how to self confidence ad quire

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- Bride's Fathe pe PROGRAM IS COMING TO YOt 1po. AND NOW, THROUGH FATHER OF rH! LOVELY BRIDI AND AND WINCH CORP., MANUFACTURERS MILADY DAINTY BUSHINGS, AT ALI

FOLKS, rHE COURTESY OF PRESIDENT OF rit HARDWARE

Minister: WHO GIVETH THIS WOMAN...? Lr \ f 4 y oad yY ‘t el a | > x , j on oF, SNe ( ome x a2 pe ‘3 \ “ 2 \ L. -2 \ \ | \ pt — inf. L/h } ~ ae j TT win //| & r | <— YY I WISH TO REMIND YOU THAT TO DAY'S WALTER Q. BLUBBLAH, BLUBBLAH BUSHING rHE LITTLE WONDER WINCHES AND SHOPS OF THE BETTER SORT. Such Language! AS the truck came to a sudden = stop a natty little roadster be hind it, in spite of a violent appli cation of brakes, ended up with its front bumper giving the rear end of the truck ever so slight a jolt “Well, blankety-blank blank it! Don’tcha know how to drive, ya so and-so? What's the big idea, huh?” I put my hands over my ears, but t did no good. “Who in the this-and-that you a license, ya filthy something-or gave other? For two cents I'd What crass vulgarity, I thought, now slightly irritated Is it any wonder that such people stay in the

same old rut? Imagine one of my profession using profanity like that! Xx—x—x *** |__ 1” still the din kept up. Finally I lost what scant patience I still retained. Miss,” nity is | I said with as much dig- “I'm I had to stop so suddenly, but I to run over that three- dashed Now go along to could muster, sorry had no desire vear-old youngster who across the street. vour tea or vour bridge party—your car isn’t damaged, and as I said be tore, And with that I climbed into my truck and drove away. I'm verv. verv sorry.” Parke Cumminas. Novel-Reader Bares Pogrom Plans You Lt find me hair tearing out the And salting down the pelts Of authors who say Instead of “othe rwhere”’ ‘somewhere else.” I'll fracture every slat of him, I’ll mash him like The a rat, scribe who writes thre h it of him” Instead of just “his hat To Hades I consign the crew ( May Satan kee p it hot there Of writers who employ “won through, When all they mean is vot there.” And, last, I'll mix a flock of drinks And stick some lethal herbs in them For ev'ry fanniehurst who shrinks From sentences with verbs in them! A. M. S., Jr. At the Sign Painters’ Union “I'M going to report Jake and Ed die to the going to have them suspended committee, I am. I'm “What they been doing now “Me and Tom was painting a sign had a bi watching pretty looked around and the crowd had gone.” Where'd it go?” “They all went to watch Jake and Eddie block os “So you're jealous, eh?” “It was a dirty trick to take our from us and we crowd or us, and soon we paint a sign in the next crowd away Take vour crowd away from you! How in blazes can blame them for that?” They misspelled a word on pur- you pose so as to get the crowd to watch them “They ought to be lynched!” Bill Syke x Titles in Moviedom \ THEN think of Mae Mur- ray you think of a tall prince. When you think of Gloria Swan son vou think of a tall marquis When you think of Este lle Taylor vou think of a long coun’ you

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An Ad. Writer Buys a Garbage Can A D. MAN: Just a little thing it £m ij s, but one which only the for tunate few may possess and vet it solves one of the world’s oldest hy gienic problems in a newer and better way. Consequently, it will enhance: my prestige with the neighbors, make me the center of attraction at our country club and show the world that I understand the gentle art of living. Because it keeps away those foul minions of disease which pre- vent health from playing on my side, it is a great service to humanity, a boon to the tired housewife I mar- ried and something which my daugh- ter should know about. I am look ing for one in bright, nickel-chrome tin-plate with extra-heavy detach ible “Swing-Shut” lid, guaranteed to keep off prowling animals for Frantic Wife: I've Gor To GET A piIvoRc! ’ VE WIT three years. Mounted upon a be au ANOTHER WOMAN tiful Renaissance base made ot Lawyer: AND WHO, MAY I ASK Is THE OTHER WON \ choicest woods from the Old World, F. W.:1 pon’? KNOW WHO SHE IS, BUT HEI , EI this receptacle for kitchen refuss will harmonize with mv Early Colo Choice of Desserts nial backyard. 7 ‘ . s . “dd t } i mz «| ‘ Se j nrne lve GARBAGE CAN SALESMAN Oh, vou ( EMME 2 cussed pi , wiya, M i¢ ; tha papuzzZ, 1) y ine! S want a garbage can! minur awgone Yuh, cussed SC7 Nemmine tha cussed . Ap. Man: Ina word. ves Onness, Mae. my feeta sa tied | SCZ I'll hava cho KI itmoker, Cee ‘ 1 drop, I onnessly could Sa dog's - nnn she gimme a Oia al ’ life, issure is...1 tole im ta gimm« But onnessly he hant otta bes , three cuss¢ d annee semmee up on dun m Yi ssum we Vv Sportsman’s Luck | ! sae. cussed an two crambry mrangs; on ippul, = minss ppercut, chock \t NT CLAIRE: Well. Helen, ] nesta Gawd. he’s tha dummess thing moker, crambrv mrang and cussed 4 see you ve landed a man at last .He’s sa dumm he otta be deffar Heman Fay, Jr. AMATEUR FISHERMAN’s DAUGHTER: bline I tole im three cussed Yes, Auntie, but you ought to see the Annye hadda woman jussa lil while ones that got away ago that wanned cussed, annve sezz ‘I’m sorry, but I aigottenny,’ I sezz SN I got appul, minss, appercut, chock lutmoker, and crambry mrang, | sezz, bushee sezz, “Welliss very fun nv, illa other countersa got cussed annye sezz, ‘“Yessiss funny, I tole tha boy I wanned three cussed,’ I sezz, ‘annee brommee on & & { cussed and two crambry mrangs, SCZZ. affer I tole im three cussed, I sezz anshee sezz, ‘Welles muss be stoopid,’ she SCZZ ie rt ] annye S€ZZ. ‘Stoopid aina wuyd,’ I sezz. ‘Heza dummess e thing,’ I sezz. ‘He’s sa dumm he otta be deffan bline,’ I sexz Laff?...Onnessly, Mae, | thawshee wuzz gonna fall offa : - “WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, SANDY?” tha stool! She sezz, ‘“Thass rHE MECHANISM FAILED TO WORK offal funny,’ she sezz Sa Teacher: AND Now, \ND I'M LEAVING MY NAME AND AD dumm he otta be deffan blin« DRESS SO THEY CAN RETURN THE she sezz, anonness, va shoulda Johnny SS\VY? RSSAY? OM, VES, MA’AM coin.” seena laft! Yorta rvefa SEX TOHNNY CAN yo rr ME WHAT AN ESSAY IS PPRAI

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ides | lithe Ps . ms ame The Gay Nineties THE HEYDAY OF THE CURE-ALL MEDICINE MAN WHOSE CONCOCTION WAS GUARANTEED To “FATTEN THE BABIES, BEAUTIFY THE LADIES AND MAKE THE MEN GROW TALL.” A Complete Sell-Out OR the fifty-sixth time the visiting Englishman was invited to a luncheon club his chair “\\ hoop ! W hoopec ! Yeow Y He seized his head in both hands and spun around like a top. The first speaker got up and said: “Gentlemen, we “What on earth’s the matter?” asked the astonished must sell our geographical location to the outside in- Rotarians. vestor.’ ‘““All I’ve heard since I’ve been over here is. ‘Sell, sell, The second spe aker got up and said: “We must sell sell.’ My word! Don't you ever buy anything?” our sunshine Then the Rotarians, perceiving what was wrong with the poor man, gently led him away, and he was locked up in a quiet, cool room with padded walls. The third speaker said: ““We must sell our pure water ind milk supply he fourth speaker said: “We must sell our schools Paul Cook and churche S The fifth speaker said: ‘“‘We must sell ourselves. The She Would Be United States has been sold to the world. It’s now up ARKER: Who is that stunningly dressed lady? to Chiggersville to sell herself to the United States.” Benper: The fine-looking brunette? Oh, she’s “Whoopee!” shouted the visitor, leaping wildly from the wife of that worried-looking little man.

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TY Advice to About 20,000,000 Lovesick Maidens yo to whom his protestations, Though the y are devotional, Seem, well, rather grote sque rations, Lacking the emotional Element you think you're needing, Listen to this simple pleading: } | ~ rhink of him as one who'd nearly Die for you ecst itically ; One who loves you quite sincerely But not cinematically ; Then, unless you're off your filbert, Marry him and not John Gilbert ( arroll ( arroll. System HEAR they collected five thou- sand in the charity drive.” “Yes, but the superintendent of the charity bureau gets three thousand a year, the assistant fifteen indred, office supplies and bills for vast supplies, together with ex- penses of the drive, amount to four AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT—THE ELEPHANT WHO FORGOT hundred—so only a hundred dollars is left.” A Business Man Views a Football Game “What are they going to do with Yy! AH, great crowd Must be erage f say henna. that?” more than a hundred thousand Over three hundred t sand dollars Start another drive.” people here...Let’s see, at an av- And it sell seid ch te put an yg ( ' ' lon’t ha r t Big chance for the | to Heard of I wil g » t i-d veck offer Ho W ler rgan g N ich over! ] . ‘ nothir nd ‘ ‘ ‘ Runs like ckworl Must |} taker t of conferences Mak lling stat \, ' roads Wi! { pend fifty d ne million d Wonderf ry | g bye ' ly ; { siness W t? Ss tg low! () ] s DeA Weather Report , da RB Chere were eignt 5 ! ser s motor accidents mn Sur weee— Dus: My! What a beautif Ume. Thérése ( proprie tor of Thérése, Inc., Gowns): You WILL REMEMBER t must have beer THAT THE EXCLUSIVE NATURE OF OUR CLIENTELE DICTATES THAT YOU SHALI WEAR THE FORMAL MORNING COAT WHEN ON DUTY. M a joke writer part The New Clerk: yes, MADAME, AND WILL THE FIRM FURNISH THE CUSTOMARY Oh, I see; you write the Ford BOUTONNIERE, OR MUST I BUY MY OWN GARDENIAS? jokes

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GERT?” ALND ED “STEPPIN OUT TO-NIGHT, YES ro A CONCERT. MI DIE ARE GOIN’ TO STAND IN FRONT O} rHE ELITE RADIO SHOPPI AND LIs TEN TO BEN BERNIE’S ORCHESTRA BROADCAST DINNER MUSIC “Mes Th eps Diary influx of letters first Another by the pr rsons attribute in October 12th that I did to Jl should have been credited to Lyci- that I am glad than ever of the slip of the pen where- post from eager to tell me my journal Pense roso something which das, sO more from so many have derived satisfac tion, to say nought of my own pleasure in marking, amongst a na tion which supports the Pelman method and sings “It Made You Happy When You Made Me Cry, such a goodly number of citizens Only one communication in an evil spirit, too, who are Milton-conscious ind that the only one without a sig The mail at this season is truly and I fatuousness oft nature. circular astonishing, am amazed at the merchants who put any trust in it soever, my own custom being to toss most of it unopened into the waste basket with a silent prayer that I be not casting aside inquiries from the a hitherto unheard-of uncle in New Zealand or Australia. In_ this should set that laundries are far solicitors of the estate of connection | down the appeals superior in to those of the Avenue, some from style and substance merchants on Fifth conveying such a subtle desperation at some to do our linen that I am shall WwW hich them, but I establishment pains to resist never quit the we patronize at present so long as it Sam's shirt continues to put under bosoms the kind of boards which are indispensable to me in piecing to gether jigsaw puzzles. To luncheon at a publick with Margot Wiltshire. and she did drive me near to distrac- tion by conversing glib- ly on abstract subjects whilst we were en route, find cannot be so “Yea, when I am for I do that my discourse much as yea’ or “Nay, nay” Borgia: THAT’S GENUINE PRE-WAR STUFF. Victim: WHADDAYAMEAN? ““1’M TALKING ABOUT THE NEXT WAR.” crossing a street or disembarking from a seated at table and our order placed, motor, but once we were I did find her diverting enough, and apropos of the literary criticism which she does write for various journals, she confided that she would leave D. H. Lawrence, Anderson, James Cabell and such to those re- viewers who could understand them, but that when Mary Roberts Rin hart made a hero out of a cowboy and Sherwood deliberately gave him a gold tooth in the midst of the action, she knew it was time for her to step right in. October The telephone a-ringing 13th early, Marge Boothby : heseeching me to go out with her to look for a chauffeur who Seventh Day Adventist, she having more need of her car on Sun- day than Saturday, and, greatly to my amazement, we did find, at the bureau to which she had been di rected, a likely fellow who said that his religion was a great convenience had free on Saturday, when more life is stir Is a to him, since he liefer be ring, than on the Sabbath, and he did mind me of the girl in “Th Return of the Native’ who did never enjoy leisure unless other people were working. Thence to the shops, to search out material for a teagown, and greatly depressed because the only stuff (Please turn to page 38) —D THE LABEL sAys 1926!

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Love Sonnets of a Lap Dog 'M sorry, Love, I bring so small a bone To put here as a tribute by that it your feet. Iwas buried collie down the street: | marked the spot and dug it up, alone. He might have fought me for it, had he known, But thought of you made e’en that danger sweet You'll note it still retains a shred of meat Which I had thought of keeping for my own My daily meals are cereal and cream Which have ind tend to make no bone Ss. me fat. Often and often do I lie and dream That I have snatched a drumstick from the My heart is in this gift, though it may seem cat. So small a bone, that. and slightly soiled, at Burges Johnson. The Wise Guy ‘ HE Tunney fight? That bout wasn’t a surprise to me. Not at all. W hy, ] cked Tunney to win three weeks befor Dempsey never had a_ look-in | hances and tipped off my friends Phe ‘I ilden? Bill's that he he (nvhow, I doped it out several days in the match. a friend of knew ld the crowd to bet on the Frenchman when General Motors hit the ceiling a Sure, | i SUPprise lot of jack lor my isk ind of I saw that coming too was It wasn't to me { that pool. Yeh. I've to time. made The \ alw avs and Say, The the - iit bout fights contests irket. time | youd be n cleaning up a few extra dollars on t Yeh? I'll tf Oh, that’s just any get 1 hunch would you interested be glad to tip you all By the as a favor, could you let have five until Saturday, when I expect to clean up on certain railroad stock that’s good for twenty points? It n't often I ask anybody [ it I had two grand on a right. vaV, irse out at Belmont vester- | iv and the plug hasn't J N 4 me in yet.” | Y irthur L. Lippmann. | ; Off with the Old HIS is your new father, dear.” But, mummy, had irdly used the last one!” we e the an ily zed the cleaned id ince te lew on the friends ‘ SHE fiasco bovs was going to lose ind Ine mie r months inside trom up Well. I got it direct from a friend Channel Cheating WAS ASSISTED BY THE BOAT WHICH ACCOMPANIE!I HER.” An Original Scenario Still Unsold Sune psis TH! last pe riod Fortv-eight seconds t play [he score tied [he home team's | I} cheering sectior ells for a touchdow The « apt of the team and here the day is t ry the ba Che ball is sn pped | hero clut it He ru He dodges...He avoids tackler He slips He gains his teet He straight-arms an opponent He reverses his field He is tackled .He is throw: lor a twenty-vard loss Not o1 ly that. he drops the ball 4 member of the other team scoops up and races six feet for a touchdown.. .The whistle blows The ga er ly there’s no girl in the stands to pro iny ) nterest! B Sykes. ~~ More Than i So Brotherly Love ‘ Rg } TOWHERE is the spirit ‘ 4 4 of good will and im I plicit faith so strong as it \ 5 } is in Chicago In no other es city do the people so rever —_——— ently keep their faith alive ind hold each other up. | | | | | COLLEG! DEAN FS anges inding uy l1dress ) Ries" freshmer And now. are A Vay ™ the ré ny que stions I SWEAR I'LL LOVE You ALWays! Voici Yes. Who's the She . 1toOW MONOTONOUS! best bootlegger in town?

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NNV 197 eR AS NOVEMBER 3, VOL. 90. 2348 “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by PUBLISHING COMPANY 598 Madison Avenue, New York CrHarirs Dana Grnson, President R. E. Suerwoop, Editor F, D. Casey, Art Editor : 1 HE pa ding dong, etc. see =” vote so ] segzee Pe | share of § sensational their most Cols picuous news ot one another, that the portant concerns of life are space s to sort and more im- always in danger ot escaping public notice There was the fight of Ruth Elder and her man; something only impor sensation: a undertaken there tant as a parently what was in it for the tabloids and the headliners. Of course it was a daring adventure, Hight ap primarily for tor notoriety _ and it was a relief that Miss Elder was not drowned, but there was a taint about it, as there was in the recent prizefight, of over-attention to advertisement and through advertise- Whether it promoted by agencies who wanted to ment to business. was sell papers or pictures on it does not appear, but since the Hall-Mills trial all great sensational proceedings are under suspicion. The great charm ibout Lindbergh was that he was so entirely free from that taint. It is the organized agitation of the con- worth considering how far temporary mind can proceed without upsetting it to a greater degree than life can afford. It will be recalled that about a dozen people who had bad hearts died of the ‘Tunney-Dempsey contemporary fight as re- produced by radio. That is not in but it is interest- about the physical effects of organized sensa- itself so very scary, ing for what it shows tion on sensitive people. An enormous industry sustains itself nowadays by No doubt agitating the human mind Cram Maxwe.t., Vice-President L.ANGHORNE Gipson, Secretary and Treasurer that needs to be done, but there are limits to the extent to which it can be don profitably. One of the forms of it is the big electric. alter that succession of pictures or of invita Whether ire licensed or not is not worst nating-current signs make a tions to buy. such signs within our knowledge, but they ought to be un- that they seem to be unwholesome, licenses der much restraint, and when should be denied them. The privilege of driving people crazy by noises or by violent and ceaseless assaults on does not seem to be a their vision necessary detail of human liberty. HE Bishop of London, talking the other day to the Legionaries, protested against teach- ing American children to hate Great Britain. He had going on and he objected to it very American heard of it as strenuously. In so far as it exists of course it is objectionable. It seems to exist in Chicago by instigation of that droll campaigner, Mayor Thompson, and that is probably what the Bishop has heard of. But that is not a very can pretty left to be handled by and ridicule. Certainly there is a movement in this country important and safely be publicity case, to promote amity between the people of the United States and the people Britain that far of Great exceeds any power and activity of any other movement of the sort. The British have not fully reinstated affections of the Irish or of the Germans, two people 3 themselves in the with clashes. whom they have had recent Some of the Yankees stil hate them moderately but not near] sO large a proportion of the mas d so sixty years ago. Language, litera ture, law, commerce and religion operate to keep Great the United States in the of the international boat The Bishop of London need n Britain and same sectio worry. Organized and = advertis effort to make the British and th Americans love one another may sti: up so much suspicion as to fail of it end. Possibly as good a w iv is to | Nature take its course, but any how Uncle Sam and Mr. Bull are n going to fall out. Fer one thing neither of them can afford to. Onl, polities of the most absurd and ras cally sort finds a profit in playing Anti-English, & THE RE seems to be proceeding ir the Gulf States a really energeti With = the waning of the Ku Klux the tloggers anti-flogger campaign. have lost authority can no. longer bully and terrorize th communities they live in. Witnesses dare to tell on them and juries to convict them, so their nasty brutali and apparentl) ties of being cleaned up. They represent one of the baser seem by way and more forms of the propensity ‘4 these States at this time, to shape one's repulsive widespread — in neighbor’s life according to one’s own That is one of the Constitutional sense of fitness. things that ment is intended to prevent, but Bill Govern of Rights go for nothing unless there is courage and strength enough it the populations the \ affect to enforce them. such courage seems to be deve loping In various parts of this land TEWSPAPER been discussing what has in creased Mr. Pulitzer thinks it is the human interest stories that have made families take in mor papers than they used to. Maybe so publishe rs” hav - their sales. but families also may have taken i more papers in hopes of finding on that did not spread its human inter est stories all over its front page hk. SNS. Martin

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er Chicago ¢ Op: WHAT VE YOU GOT IN THAT CAR? Gangster: NOTHIN’ BUT BOOZE, OFFICER ( op i BEG YOUR PARDON 1 THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE HISTORY BOOKS

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Lif — ‘\ We IF

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Life do you want to join our team? We could use a good, fast quarterback.” r

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2 Lis LZ 1 e 7 we Ap or EF tia ASS a a? 4 More or Less Serious Hidden. / um—Tt The Spider. Mu S The Arabian. Flt Ww W u bs ae tay . _The = of Mary Dugan. \ I re le wr at The House of Women. f ; “ = The Belt Pi righ : ‘ ( -~ an head t ca F Women Go On Forever r? M If. Li t eas doayys . Civic Repertory. F a E Le ¢ ‘I Abraham’s B ; n raham’s Bosom. ” Good Hoy ’ é Comedy and Things pied That Dracula. / Interference ‘ ‘ q Abie’ s irish Rose. Re put " , ; Jacob Slovak. A» r—] Ruben ir by anoth PI , An Enemy of the People. Han i ‘ ; J , oe ; oS And So to Bed. Comed Sar I | The Letter Vf a ( 1 ~~ rh oes wed next h Escape. / By (¢ at Ma The Baby Cyclone. Henr Miller ( t ‘ Mitcl n a farce reorge M. Col Four Walls lohn ( n—A d Porgy. Gu G t i our fa ‘ tt juct ft Broadway. Sr ur ki Phe cast eg! putenyee. i i 50 Hal Ske B k * The Command to Love. l re Ma lash and Basi R Her First Affaire. M The way Door. ( hur H - The Mulberry Bush. Repu The 19th Hole. I Pickwick. Ne \ a The Road to Rome. hou : howing how R , ' } nave e! aved vag ed W The Shannons. Martin Be S Gleason and Lucille Web: The Springboard. Ma» A comedy) with Madge Ke S Blackmer The yy ms of the Shrew. Garrick Ant +} 9 M Weather Clear, Track ‘Fast. Hudson viewed next week. Eye and Ear Entertainment ABes- eae I Ma have bee " trl Carroll—Ce« f thar tha 1 Chauve- ‘Souris. Ce “The Five Girl. Re “Follies of 1927. \ 1 re Cloc k Good ean. ! = the Deck. Be The fact that 7 just Sane. Cast Manhattan Mary. W } The Merry Malones. ( in per I 4 _ The “My Mikado. R ~d re Maryland. Jol on Shubert I Wint My Princess. iR W x A Night in 1 Spain. Wit Ge ie, Rood a . Mario ee my of New York. nd 7 Ani Lie whi er fur ‘Yes, Yes, Yvette. /-—Still NY fe | Rio Rita. ght in t t Whe € W alter Catlett mh tne ¢ Off-Stage LION with Famous Vaudevillians ‘H. Harri Herbe Sam a with Pik PAMER PUTS THE CAT OD ian

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Washed with Hyssop FEW months ago, this column in which we in our youth, we wrote a piece in é wondered why it is that town’s wise-crackers and wits write a show it turns out to be no better than the Now know. We have musical comedy ourself. No one is going to believe this, but also wrote whenever one or two of the average. been working on a at that time we a paragraph, which had to be cut out on wondered if per haps it might not be that somebody s idea of “what the do with it. We now give a million dollars, or at any rate ten dollars, if we had kept that paragraph in. » account of lack of space, in which we public wants’ had something to would tee — wrot BEY show from the AFTER seeing our own front. we S have decided that, from now on, this department must of necessity be very, very lenient with all other musicals. There can be no more of this sitting b iCh with a snooty sneer ind saving, “Conventional musica comedy,” or, “The cast did as well as they could with th Bolton, Otto Harbach and become our heroes and we her material at hand Guy Harold Atteridge by apologize to them for any little nasty digs we may have have taken at them in the past. Practically any musical show is going to get a great break in these columns from now on. Any line, no matter how old, which gets a laugh is going to send us into a paroxysm of huzzas If the throwing of the first stone was made contingent on the presence of a spectator without sin, then readers of this page will have to wait until the Holland Vehicular utter the est Word of disparagement against any show listed under lunnel has crumbled to dust before we slight In fact, we may give up One can get just so self “Eye and Ear Entertainment reviewing plays altogether. must retire yey and then one a (=¢ > ah ae Oi NE of the biggest success: s beer The Five O'Clock Girl The very t that it 1s }j the Forty-Fourth Street Theatre ery night is, ac cording to our present standards, ¢ y t stily t being acclaimed herewith In tl ia we mig have beet ist " bit bored at “'l Five OF Girl” but » “ the sight i i ing their hands it Niaz taton Osi Shaw lau ng heart it | s Jol Bart d Shaw Lee arouses the greatest rever rG B ind Fred Thompson, to say tl y Bert Ka r Harry Ruby. They tell us t Five O' Girl” does between £40.00 1 #4 yn week \ great show Don’t miss rr CLELS LELLL Fg aie - marvelous entertain: oe ll New rk wl ich Is doing uy Knickerbocker Hitherto we | he r lulg with Mr. Eddie Dowling’s oper tting were tor the great American wu vt trifle banal, shall we sayl Banal me ‘ Ir to g in and see whether “Sidewalks of New York’’ is na When we saw little Ray Dooley, as th pathet la IY worker in “Hop-o’-My -Thumb” of Maud Ad orv, and realized that she stood fair W S the man she loved, we cried ba And w Dale and Smith came on and talked Jewish, wit of sure-fire gags that we'd | v t t life to have written, we screamed wit! ghites \ 1: matter of fact, we have alwa scl i with laught at Dale and Smith. We 5 t! for ourself e 3 vi eg rr , im wy — a te, —f es VW! can not close this n ww survey of tl si comedy field in New York wit! word of prals for Mr Joseph Santley s Jus ka v. il which he himself and Ivy Sawyer, together wit Raymond Hit cock and Eric Blore ke up ar together chart evening. We | 1 f y t we had been in this Panis Te! we si a liked \I Santlev's show ln r present st we Ie wit! ple isure in conte! plat m of it And now ll that we I t t think funny gags tor r own show j bh

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Lie WW, Mii 4), | | at ‘ iy Hp tt a “I ti ‘hy ly, 44, The Aésthetic Dancers Go ‘‘ Back to the Farm’”’

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How to Get a Ticket for the Big Game f ] EMAND ticket from Athletic Association on ground you are great friend of the president . Demand ticket from president on ground your contri bution to Retirement Fund would have already reached him except for fact you were waiting until able to send louble reque sted amount Demand ticket from football « iptain on ground you ure professional football promoter Demand ticket from football coach on ground you are one of alumni who favor giving him ten year contract. Buy ticket from spe ulator Cie ae And the Jury Voted Not Guilty! TILL you have some more meat, Mr. Zipser?” “No, thank you “Oh, do have just a little bit mor No, thanks It’s delicious. But I really couldn’t.” Oh, now, Mr. Zipser. You had such a small helping. You must have just a bit more “No. Really It's awfully good But I couldn't.” See. This nice, tender, brown little slice Please. No. I've eaten so much and Didn't you like the meat? Yes! Oh. my, ves! But I had rather a late lunch ind ‘Oh, come on, Mr. Zipser. Just another small piece “No. Really I couldn't I really mustn't.” Please do have just a little bit—it’s good V4 for you.” / A I know, but really | ay ff Here's a nice rare piece I'm sure you 1] é J like . No, really, I couldn't eat another mouthful “Of course you can—Jjust one. Pass your plate.” The Tactful Tailor: a poirect rim \N’, Y'KNOW, I No. Really FUNNY THING, MR. BECKER—OUR CUTTER LOST TH but if vou’'ll be MEASUREMENTS WE MADE OF YOU, 5 Ek CUT THIS so kind as to pass FROM GENE TUNNEY S MEASUREMENTS THAT HE GOT OU me that carving OF THE NEWSPAPER Knife, I'll Io rtecr - , Robert Lord. Perfect Harmony 7 ESPIT} the prevailing pinion that we g An 7 people ire seldom u itrimonially successful I : » have never regretted my choic: I conti | rg Enthusiast wife to make me her confidant nd aide nd to b TORTH: Is ae 1 4 to me for inspiration In the little disputes that befa - Webster a a every couple I have cheerfully borne the eaviest wet? ; +. den of blame, and not one serious quart is West: Why, he , : ‘ marred our conjugal happiness never not only wants | tempted to shirk a task or take advantag the Eighteenth A j privilege to rule In the twenty vears we have appear | \(mendment re . ’ = | before the public don't omit tl point r t pealed, but he - view ple ise she has know) for her ost wants the repr al / supporter ind generous critic That's r coming dow! made retroactive ! as — the stairs now—come right in. dear. | . sur \ introducing mv wife billed in all tl better vaude a TERE you =— ville houses - Miss Cloud Dever woman champ personally Fiisenea. 27 weight-lifter and spike-driver of the world conducted on He: MAY 1 HAVE THE NEXT DANCE? Harry Eps vour tour?’ She: BuT 1 DON’T KNOW you. ‘Yes, my wift Hle: THEN MAYBE WE HAD BETTER OLICEMAN: How did the accident happen went along.” SIT ONE OUT FIRST. Mororist: My wife fell asleep in the back seat,

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26 Life To Her Lover In the Right Spirit Who Writes Her Poetry “King Albert of the | Rot PARDON, pray, Sweet William, Scene: A Rotary Club Lunch Well, well. Alw LVS wanted to meet m\ ‘y R. TWOOL (entering suddenly 1 guy in the king game Must be Mi ntioning such a touchy sub 4 with the King of Belgium): interesting. How's business? Ject, but there's no use de ny Boys—meet Al ’ ALBERT (mod Ing that you deserve my rub bert, Rex estly): Well, | Bing it in about your vers Tue Boys (in got . pretty Es which you, alas, contin- chorus good order last Ue to pen despite my curs How d'ye_ do, week from th Ing you out because you thin Albert Rex, Em pe FOr ot K that I'll be simply flat how d'ye do; Japan. What Tered by this peculiar froz How diye do, was it now En pretentious sort of chat Albert Rex, the Order of the Ter. hy don’t you write in prose / how d ve do; Impe rial Rice onest F Seon How dye Cakes” with do, Al be rt Crosse d ( he rry . Rex, Blossoms. All Over the Country Don t take SMEEDY ° | lr “y! S,” said the Young Man any rub- They all help “T’ve traveled over fifty thou berchecks, Say—lI see they sand miles and have never seen thi How d'ye do, got a five-vear ocean.” Albert Rex, old kid at the My goodne ss!" exclaimed th how do ve do head of the firn Fat Drummer. “Is it possible? \ Mr. SMEED\ in Rumania “Yes. I'm a Notre Dame foot comingu P Gantry: pID You ENJOY EUROPE? That's a hot one ball player.” Sit down here, Babbitt: no. soME OF THOSE CON Twoo! You Mr. Rex. Glad FOUNDED FOREIGNERS HAD THE NERV! said it I'd like to meet you. ro SAY “IF | DIDN’T LIKE THEIR CouN- [to see a_ five Smeedy's my gry wuy pipn’r 1 Go Back wuHere Year-old kid run name. Shellac. CAME FROM.” my business x T woo! Al is Why, 1 five year in the king game, himself. Hey, Al? id kid can’t even play a decent SMEEDY The king game, eh? game of golf SMEEDY Well, he isn’t exactly rm, running things, is he? I figure, + e now, a king is sort of like a bank Vice preside nt. these days i sort of a doo-dab on the letter head no offense to you, Al You probably make a pretty good thing out of it. don't vou: AvpBertT: I make out. That is, | make out Twoo.: Still, it’s a comic thing ibout that five vear-old kid in Ru mania. Sort of like having Jackie Coogan on your board of directors SMEEDY: Say—that isn’t a bad hunch, J. D Mind if I use it Twoot: Go ahead, D. J Cant see how you are going to tie up Jackie Coogan with shellac SMeEEDY: That's up to my exect tives Tie anything up with shella if vou have good executives You got good executives, Rex? AtspertT: Best in the world. You know my business is very peculiar Very individual Fact is, we're all \e just like one great big happy family : Pp 7 N . po Sa . : > Him: No, 'M NEVER GOING TO MARRY UNTIL THE PERFECT WOMAN IS MADE. Smeepy: That’s the stuff Pro Her: OH, MR. MARCHBANKS, THIS IS SO SUDDEN! mote good (Please turn to page 39

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t }

essentials have been done awa

Get these thrills ——OOK around you! Pictures | everywhere. Trag Dail. , eau.’ . The Drama of Lif How ‘ — i ! 1 7 closely t C sa tus EEE : a oo rea And now so easy preserve. For today, by just press the of a marvel Ss ¢ i \ ca e life as itis na to repro e whenever and wl ry please The rhythmic act of your children Ly . the fun and thrills of your out rtrip... the dramatic second when | games are won or lost are v easily registered for all time on a strip of film, to flash into light and again in the quiet of your darkened The Magic ef the Silver Scr e- Pai ti i 7}. ‘ } re t i u havent made at \ ve ed one of the biggest thrills ; ¢ | s so simple now, anyone can do it with assurance of professional results Into the marvelous Cin lak camera weighing only unds, Eastman Scientists e concentrated every vital cessity of Home Movie luction What a triumph in sim ! No need to focus ) tripod No grinding + 1 } ink. Everything is th ICity

hat you need... the n Just sight the camera, either from waist height or ey ¢ level Then just press the button 4 shut ter whirls inside, and the film slides

’ n the s " ry cha s ht 1 A » extra 1 return t » Then with al ¢ } f si Ow \ ur K tor a j if tl S< I e with ac cr i < see the pict y "ve Dra dy ure... ron t people you k wand « 1¥ parade bef rey ir¢eyves "\ oflightand shadow \ f n They are as easy as that to! For the day of the 1 sport, t Ciné-Kodak Simplest of All

Drama... Adventure... Romance... ‘in Home Movies that you make

yourself nr x \ C s ; né-K ft) ci4 ( “ f T ( ‘ ia a ‘ k ‘ “ “

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28 TheSILENT DRAMA is because — — ih

js Pa » ‘* “wy \ is _— = —

in treat King is occasionally handed, it he

Ethel: WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY ON THE TEAM? Disqusted Sub: ou, 1M JUST ONE OF rit VICE-PRESIDENTS Recent Developments though Richard Barthelmess thrilling one, tries hard. Carmen. Dolores Del Rio and Vic- tor McLaglen in a terribly strenuous and excessively amorous retelling of the cele- brated story. Soft Cushions. Wisecracks in old Bagdad, with Douglas MacLean pranc- ing about and Sue Carol looking very alluring The Cat and the Canary. Laura La Plante in an effective spine-chiller. Hula. There are many things that — eae é . Sie tard f, has tried to stress the it the tial comedy. g) mourous To mance expense of the poten In other words, Mr. King has es sayed to make “The Magic Flame a good box-office picture . which it Is undoubtedly “We're All Gamblers” ‘THE breaks seem to be against Thomas Meighan. In “We’ All Gamblers,” ill the elements good picture, re he h is that make for a includ director (James Cruze that ing a fine and a story is rich in dramati material. Nevertheless. ““We're All Gam

blers’’ manages to be about as incon sequential an offering as the season has vet yielded. It seems ineredi ble that Cruze and Meighan b tween them could have countenanced, let alone participated in, such a thoroughly illogical, inconsistent and puny effort as this The title, by the way, has nothing to do with the story and, if you take my advice, you'll have nothing to do with it either R. E. Sherwood. Clara Bow does well but dancing th Hula is not one ! Old San umaloce. Dolores Cos- tello in a melodramatic mess Service for Ladies. A gay, flip pant, well-bred comedy, in which Adolph Menjou is superb Sunrise, The Student Prince, Wings, The Garden of Allah, Sev- enth Heaven, The King of Kings, What Price Glory, The Way of All Flesh, The Patent Leather Kid and Underworld are all good — especially Sunrise.

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/ T is deeply gratity- / ing to the Fisher Body ¢ orporation { J that Bodies by \ Fj -_ isher and Fisher- Fleetwood play a major part in the brilliant suc- ess of the New Cadillac.—Presenting a radical } ' he n - . icsign, the new Cars are u mistakably the most luxurious and distinguished 7) leparture from past « r created for the fine car owners of America ~The bodies of the New Cadillac cars are the lest creations of master custom body artisans. But Fisher resources and manufacturing efficiency nable Cadillac to present them without the isual price-penalty—a fact which contri making the New Cadillac incomparably the rreatest investment value in the fine car field.

AT THE CUSTOM BODY SALONS

here will be presented at the Custom Body Salons latest body ati and | I Cadillac and a Sal to 7 a mb j h of c " if P 9 tt I u c1 1 of « bed a bea and < bro ( at Nature's St hich w be gladly t to you jucst New York, H 1¢ re. N ber to December 3, 1927; Chicago, H D Janua 8 to ary 4; Los A s, Hotel B ll to 18 San Francisco, Hotel Pala Fet y 25 to March 3, 1928 Body by FISHER fe

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Our Foolish. Life

\ Contemporaries

Another Linguist My friends looked at me pityingly as Hung Woo, the Chinese produce mer chant, asked my order in his native tongue, but with an inscrutable Near- East-Side smile I shamed them when I calmly said: “"Lo, John, me likee sloup veg’ble, clabbage, plawsly, cellaly, tlamotto, pla- totto, sling bean, sklosh, klon, ladish, cluclumba and slawbelly.” V. 4. P., in New York Sun

“ Aut Scissors aut Nullus”’ The Nile Tabloid \nt the notoriety that Cleopatra got Was a two-stick story with X marks the spot. lragically she moaned with her dying gasp, “I'd have made front page if I'd bit that asp!” Stux,. in New York World We Thought It Killed, *Twenty years Ta Tr was a tre ente f gambling-dens and sq lered a te s ‘ | brf ‘ | t | y ca I lper We tt, he ought to know all there is to know about it.—Humorist (London) Because a girl refused to marry him a man in Essex has stayed at home for fifty vears;: but we've known a man to do that just because the girl did marry him.—Punch.

WAITER rut ABSE NT- MINDED Seen on the Highway It was a little Ford car, and it was full of children, and it bore this sign on the stern: “Packed in tin and always fresh.”"—Argus (Seattle)

ny f-\F

Srories about movie people getting / ; ] 3 married should end with a comma or B* Arkansas Gazette. AND Imrration is also the flattest form of On the Road sincerity.— Detroit News. “I~ my younger days,” the old actor ; said, “I traveled from . 4 one end of the coun Cae trv to the other.” Jon “Well, well,” the young actor replied, “just think of that

And there were no rub ber heels in those days, unagatown either.” Ve Telegram ee

MOTHER MAKES THE FAUX PAS OF DAUGHTER WHAT HER FRIENDS WILI —Ladies’ rimMt H ASKING BRING HER HOME HER YOUNG riit ome Journal COMBINING

or Pelican THE BEST FEATURES BOT II California No Shock wife she is going to leave “My me.” SaVvs “Distressing !” “At least, gently. She nights a week in the last month.” the home news three she has broken hasn't been Washington Star

One of the famous Sitwells wrote book on “All Summer in a Day,” in spite of the fact that he had never spent a single afternoon at Coney Island Baltimore Sun on “a — 2 eae -_—_ /--., \ 9 eV <7 YHE ABSENT-MINDED CUSTOMER Buen Humor (Madrid).

ICEMAN’S ELOPEMENT. Siindaqsnisse-Strix (Stockholm)

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Viewed in Perspective Price Stanpino transfixed, a man watched Expansivety Mr. Elmer Davis, the intently the antics of two tiny toy wres- write entered » te the other d tlers which a street fakir was operating and =picking uy I 10 by means of a black thread in a door- from a é I way. on the fivl H er ed the “Come on!” his wife exclaimed. ileslady d ked the “Didn't you ever see those things be- “That i two-do d the fore?” lesl “Wait a minute, Mary,” the man re- Oo two dolla t he thor’s plied. “They look to me just exactly iutog »} it " he author the way Tunney ind De mpsey did from \! damaged ¢ the clerk. where I sat in my six-dollar seat.” That will be fty —Youngstown Tele gram. Ve kei Cutting In Ww ° Tue effect of the movies on church- ‘ a 4 going is shown in this Sunday morning conversation: Precautionary Mornuer: Hurry dressing, Ethel, dear. Since reading that a yvoung Southerne1 Services start at eight sharp. knocked a man down on Sx | (v- Ernet (age eight): 1 can’t hurry, enue the other day because he didn’t lik Mother. Let’s go to a temple that is Mrs. Jones (to husband who has his looks e have decided to have our continuous.—Chicago Daily News. ventured to assert himself): Now face boarded up for the GEORGE, UNDERSTAND ONCI AND New } k » Post \ Burotar recently broke into a sub- FOR ALL——JUST BECAUSE YOU VE BEEN urban bungalow and shaved himself with ON A TEN-DAYS’ TOUR IN ITALY, Fortunes of War in China the householder’s safety-razor. The own- DON’T GET THE IDEA YOU'RE A SEC- [Tur widow of Chinese general has er has informed the police that the crime OND MUSSOLINI! me married another Chinese general. Or- was committed with a blunt instrument. London Opinion, dinarily, it the Chinese generals who Humorist (London). change sides De tf Ne I is | ed « y 7 sin ane in the 1 St I fore trade ‘ H ( B ( B } sessions Title reg ere i I S I I { \ Pate Office " € Ad ]1 postage t f N ( I 8 S ( : I I to a, So ce Bach ers . I ’ or nation a Rae Bintid ’ reat Brita apf to | , Rol House, Breas Building Fetter \ 2 ’ Y , London, E. (¢ j and tot date of 1 e¢ to be | Bagoage loss doesnt = ) financial loss |! you ¢ irr\ dependabl in surance on vour bag A World-Wide Reputation What thousands of users know of Kermath performance and what they -4 | gage and contents you art , Say in praise Ol that performance is | protected against the high the solid bed rock upon which the good name | cost of replacement in such of Kermath is founded. It is an enduring and time-tried reputation that has been built around Kermath through its many years of events as transportation | accidents, fire, or theft North America Tourist Bag manutacture | seme Insurenct saad ‘ Let us help you in the selection of the proper | tainable ‘ tthe power plant for your craft. Gur advice is free. Any Nort America Agent | Illustrated catalog will be sent on request. will tell you how to use it to | best vdvantage Or the it 3 to 150 H. P.—$135 to $2300 tached coupon will bring you , . per full information, without obli- Kermath Manufacturing Company 2 | gation 5870 Commonwealth Ave., Detroit, Mich. 7 py ' 90 King St. W., Toronto, Ontario. New York Display Rooms — 50 W. 17th St., New York City “A Kermath — Runs” the North America | quay meee ee = ee ee EEE SS See ee eee ee ee ' Insurance Compar f North America » | } Sixteenth Street at th Parkway ' “The Oldest American + I adelphia, Pa., Dept. I ; Fire and Marine ; — ' Insurance Company” . ee ' Founded 1792 { Street. ; ; Vity. st i § Wants information on Tourist Baggage 1 ' ee meeeeeeceenooad

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32 Life | ET MUNSINGWEATK COVER, YOU WITH SATISFACTION UNSING Hosiery (Wear Underwear Munsingwear union suits, because of the correct manner in which they are designed, the satisfactory way in which they fit and cover the figure and the unusual service and comfort they give the wearer, are for sale by one or more of the leading merchants in practically every trading center of importance in the United States. Munsingwear hosiery like Munsingwear underwear is a quality product made for every member of the family. If you want the utmost in underwear and hosiery value, ask for Munsingwear. Munsingwear Quality Assures Comfort and Service THE MUNSINGWEAR CORPORATION MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA Oh, Henry! \ perpLexine phenomenon is noted in slips up to the library and draws these Baltimore, where at the public library books out himself. It is recalled that his branch nearest the home of H ] hero and model, Nietzsche, was in private Mencken, editor and critic, the greatest life peculiarly mild and gentle And demand is for books on raising canaries! while urging homo boobiens to a diet of Such ji fame, such is influence! \ literary raw-meat, most likely this ter- man send his voice thundering to the ror of Hollin Street in the secrecy of farthest corners of the land in praise his den pores over endless volumes on of Lewi . Cabell and Nietzsche, and right how to make the wee birdies sing. in his own precinct people re reading Elmer C. Adams, in Detroit News. how to mix bird seed and when to hang the cage in a sunny window. It would A Good Trick If He Does It be easy to understand if the man had Ye Chastes Velsk, a8 ever written a critical boost for canary ct { the raising, but a hoy ful search of all the k . ’ a... f periodicals shows he has not c t me No doubt the explanation is_ that ArMLess though he, etc Mencken pastes on a_ false mustache, —New Yorker. Busy Days in Hollywood (Special Dispatch to Lirt ] OLLYWOOD, Calif—Super Sappy Features, Inc., will start work next week on “The Moriaritys and the Finkleheimers. At the Blotz All-Star Studios work of titling ““TheO’ Hannigans and the Horkowitzes”’ is being rushed Actual filming of “The Fla nigans and the Feigelbaums” ha been completed by Bigger and Bet ter Films. A cast is being assembled at th Blatz Studios for “The O'Rourke ind the Rosenheime rs Nanook of the North” will be r issued soon. A slight change is be ing made in the plot, and the new edition will be titled: “Izzy’s Eskim« \MIama Chet Johnson NeiGuBpor: Now, hat I'm tellin’ ver Mrs. Horan, is no gossip, becau-e ever body's talking about VO -MO-LAY- For SHAVING WITHOUT BRUSH OR LATHER Just Try This Wash your face to re- move dust and dirt, apply MOLLE with finger tips, shave once-over and then dry your face. It’s a revelation in quick, easy shaving with perfect face comfort. One tube will convince you.

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Life UTOMATIC lights at the me a trigger T IS not recorded how Sitting Bull lit his pipe. But the absence of matches and uncertainty of light- e in his time would indicate that this champion old rester either had o break training or sit close to the fire. What brings up the subject is that bridge tables le se nights some times look like an Indian camp- burned and smouldering matc h sticks cluttering every ash tray. 4 Tt L + Theres a new Douglass now—the Silhouette model. It is thin The present praiseworthy dislike for jaturally so. for with Douglass such sights has sent people hunting _ straight line construction no work dependable lighter. And finding ing part was reduced to make this it, too, in the Douglass. mode slender It fits your vest The Douglass is not only depend. ° soar Pome - ; A eT wee ible but entirely automatic. Press “" © ” the trigger —there’s your light! Press the trigger—there’s your light One displays a Douglass, there fore, with an air of assurance, makes it an accessory as important as a watch (or a compact Charming leathers, glowing metals encase Douglasses in many varied styles. Standard models are priced from $5 upward, while Sil houette Douglasses range from $10 to $1000. You'll find one immensely pleasing to your pride and purse at some well placed jeweler’s or to- {@P 93. ie Douplass Lighter Ph bacconist S. ao] |. Ask to see the new windshield attachment A ut for Douglass Lighters; #’s a wonder / The Douglass Ligh ler SPONSORED BY HARGRAFT, Wrig Bidg., Chicag 4. W.W ibutor: Kyte Co. 3 St. Nicwota MONTREA t ‘ anadian Distr

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You men make too much work of shaving Because you think it easier to take a new blade than tu strop one, you make shaving just about twice as hard as it need be. | | You forget about the time it takes to | unwrap a new blade. You don't think about the bother of changing to another if the first one isn’t keen. You ignore the time it takes to go to the store for new blades. You don’t count the extra time it takes to shave with a dull blade. | Now consider the easy way. You start with one new blade. You spend 30 seconds a day Twinplex stropping its edge to shaving keenness. You get a marvelous shave in two minutes less time than you required the old hard way. Daily gain 90 seconds. Keep using that one blade at least 30 days. Gain 45 minutes and 30 cents At the end of a year you will have saved four or five trips for new blades, 9 hours shaving time and about $3.00 cash more than enough to pay for a Twin plex, which costs only $2.50. Other models $3.50 and $5.00 If you want to shave the easy wavy, get a Twinplex Stropper NEW Stropped Blade FREE | Name your razor and we'll send vou free. a new blade Twinplexed. We would like to show you what real shaving is TWINPLEX SALES CO 1685 Locust St., St. Louis NEW YORK CHICAGC MONTREAI os winple troppers FOR SMOOTHER SHAVES Ensemble A LL the fair damsels in “Artists - and Models”’ Have more in their stockings than is in their noddles; Though there’s a considerable lack in their noodles Of motors and jewels they've oodles and oodles. fe se = ALIBI CONTEST PRIZE WINNERS DO IT NOW a ry , 4 =~) rasviovet ALIBI NUMBER FORTY-TWO Stern Parent: wuat! COLLEGE ALREADY? Ex-Freshman: WELL, DAD, You SEE, 1T’s THIS way... I went out to set the world on fire and I came back for.more matches. This Alibi, which wins the first prize of $50.00, was submitted by BACK FROM S. Luis Youne, 1726 Taft Avenue, Hollywood, California. Five second prizes of $10.00 each have been awarded to the following: Ernest M. Berry, Lowell, Massa- chusetts, and Lorin Kusty, Chicka sha, Oklahoma, for variations of the Alibi: “I sustained a serious injury; I sprained my ukulele finger.” B. Harrison Winrietp, Wood- cliff, New Jersey, for the Alibi: “I’ve joined the ‘College-a-Month’ Club.” Biaine C. Bierer, Scenery Hill, Pennsylvania, and Wittiam M. Wr- LEY, Santa Monica, California, for variations of the Alibi: “If I go to college you must make allowances for me.” Watch for the New $2,500.00 PRIZE CONTEST which starts in two weeks Pipe Smoker Enjoys Can of Tobacco Sixteen Years Old Of course, all good tobacco aged before it is packed, but here is a case of “aged in the can.” is On the strength of Mr. McDonald’s letter we certainly owe our packing department a vote of commendation. For no tobacco could retain its flavor and goodness lying in a dark musty corner for sixteen years unless it had yeen properly packed in an absolutely air-tight can. So while someone was deprived of this particular can of tobacco for six- teen years, it did provide smoke enjoy ment for an appreciative railroad cashier when it finally came to light Mr. McDonald’s letter is reproduced | below: Waxahachie, Texas May 18, 1926 Larus & Bro. Co. Richmond, Va. Gentlemen : The agent while going through his plunder stored in our baggage room came across a can of your tobacco, and account of his not using a pipe he made me a present of this tobacco. You will note the revenue stamp and your memo which was _ inclosed The tobacco was put up in 1910, sixteen years on ago. But it was in good shape, of re- markable flavor, and was greatiy enjoyed by me. : i Thought you would be interested in knowing how your tobacco held out in these days of fast living. Yours very truly, (signed) Gordon McDonald. To those who have never tried Edge- worth, we make this offer: Let us send you free samples of Edgeworth so that you may put it to the pipe test. If you like the samples, you'll like Edge- worth where- ver and when- ever you buy it, for it never changes in quality. Write your name and address. to Larus & Brother Company, 16 § Zist Street, | Richmond, Va. We'll be grateful for the name and address of your tobacco dealer, too, if you care to add them. Edgeworth is sold in various sizes to |suit the needs and means of all pur- chasers. Both Edgeworth Plug Slice and Edgeworth Ready-Rubbed are packed in small, pocket-size packages, in handsome humidors holding a pound, and also in several handy in-between sizes. To Retail Tobacco Merchants: If your jobber cannot supply you with Edgeworth, Larus & Brother Company will gladly send you prepaid by parcel post a one- or two-dozen carton of any size of Edgeworth Plug Slice or Edge- worth Ready-Rubbed for the same price you would pay the jobber. On your radio mond, Va. the Edgeworth Station. tune in on WRVA, tion. 254.1 meters) 1180 kilocycles. Wave length

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False Modesty ‘HE: Gosh, I’m simply terrified this skirt of mine is too short! He: I don’t think it is at all. Sue: But, my dear, simply every- body seems to be He: Oh, about it. Sue: Well, I’m this skirt is too short. He: Well, reasons for wearing a short skirt. » staring at me! you're just self-conscious terribly afraid you've got two good Sue: I think you're awfully fresh. He: No, but I really mean you have awfully good-looking le gs. Sue: Don't be absurd, my dear. You're just trying to flatter me. He: I’m not at all—I really think you have. Sue: Well, anyways, I’m embar- about this skirt—I really think it’s terribly short. He: I don’t think it is at all. Sue: But look at the rassed to tears just way CAsk Them How They Reduced How do you suppose the countless people you meet have come to normal weight: Excess fat is not nearly so common as it was. unnecessary. Some employed abnormal exercise or diet, but the results were hard and not enduring. Others used Marmola Prescription Tablets. That is the scientific method, based on modern research. used for 20 years. So many have used It is recognized as | It has been | it and told the results to others, that | people now are using a very large amount. | The user of Marmola simply takes She watches the re- ults. New vitality comes with reduc- tion. She ceases Marmola when she reaches the desired weight. You should Jearn the results, as mil- already know them. They are four tablets daily. noms rarely too rapid, and they mean that the cause ts corrected. We urge you to try this modern, sci- entific method, then tell the results to others. That is how so many have been relieved of excess fat. Go now and learn what this right method means. Marmola prescription tablets are sold by all druggists at $1 per box. If your druggist is out, he will get them at once from his jobber. MARMOLA Prescription Ja Yhe Pleasant Way to Reduce Life e = here (Lrnter is Confined tothe Almanac: - - - ALMY days and bracing days, flood- ed with sunshine—fall days and spring days—‘“winter” at the Broad- moor is out-of-doors weather. Horses, motors, golf and the Rocky Mountains! Distinctively metropolitan service. Open the year around. = BRO4DMO OR COLORADO SPRINGS Ory Breaking a Jranicontinental simply everybody stares at me, my dear! I mean they couldn't be ruder. He: Well, it’s probably because you have such beautiful legs. Sue: Honestly, my dear, you simply slay me! He: But you really have, you know. Sue: My legs are awfully skin- ny, I think. He: They’re not at all. You've got awfully well-shaped legs. Sue: Don’t be absurd, I haven't at all! He: But I really mean it. I think you've got swell legs. Sue: I haven't at all, my dear— but it’s awfully sweet of you to say S80. Lloyd Mayer. The Fortunate Thing Tue young bride had promised to take care of Barbara, a neighbor's child, the afternoon. When tea Barbara was given her milk in the “com- pany china” cup along with the other guests. A sudden crash, and the new set was minus a cup. The child looked down at the wreck, and then up at the hostess. With her face wreathed in smiles and a little of relief, she said: “Gracious, lucky I drank all my milk before it hap pened !"—New York Sun. tor was served, sigh wasn't it At W. F._YOUNG, Inc Jou rr Here / THE ANTISEPTIC LINIMENT all DRUGGISTS , Send for free trial bottle . Springfield, Mass

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36 — matches dropped in the window boxes - « « under the clock... on the bathroom shelf may not cause a conflagration, but if they’re discovered by one’s eagle-eyed spouse, the result is apt to be no less fiery. Insurance against this sort of domestic disaster comes in the form of an Approved Golden Wheel Lighter-dependable-smooth -and smudgeless. In every way a better lighter. Almost any smart shop can supply you. i $7.50 and up GOLIDIEN WHEIEIL Approved Lighter HENRY LEDERER & BRO., INC Providence, Rhode Island bane Books Received Dimple Diggers. By Robin Chris topher (Elm House) Mother Goose for pean Col- lectors. B \ A arTi ck and Ro son ti son ( l Your Growing Child. By H. Ad dington Bruce (/ > & Wagnalls) —s Window. By Elmer Davis - jJ ] i ) } The Dividend. By Joseph Knox St Hello Everybody! This ts “Outside Eden. By Gertrude ni Johnnie Walker Carver (Dorrance ) The Gypsy Trail. By Goldmark and Hopkins (Mii nner ) High Snow. "By M.L.A Gompertz (Doran) Man Possessed. By William Ros Benét (Doran) Crude. By Robert Hyde (Peyso Clarke, Ltd.) The Cannoneers Have Hairy Ears. Anonymous (Sears) Selected Senene of Bertrand Russell. (The Modern Library.) = Gay ‘ere By Roger D« ne (Of “Dick Turpin's Ride. By Alired Noves (Stok The Wages of Peril. By Jack Becl dolt (Alten The Saati. By Gerald Bullett (Doran) Julius. B ‘A Gentleman with Duster” (Doran). Camels! By Daniel W. Streeter (Putnan A Doctor Looks at Doctors. B; Joseph Collins, M.D. (Harpers). Lady, What of Life? By Lesley Storm (Ha ) Avarice aes. By Julian Green (Harpers) Are They the Same at Home? B Beverley Nichols (Dora ,_ Tinin Jane. B A. P. Herbert (Double- 1", Page). ° Movies frequently strain Eyes. Use Murine for relief When you return from a picture show with strained, tired eyes, ap- ply afew drops of soothing Murine. Almost instantly they will feel strong and rested . ready for anything! A month'ssupply of this harmless lotion costs but 6oc. URINE: FOR Your EYES Speaking! “I’m usually successful in secur- ing a permanent customer just by persuading the smoker to buy one package! Not everybody, but most every- body, saysafter trial that Johnnie Walkers are really remarkable. And they are only” 20 for 20c iC I Extremely Mild | Crs — Te eferences Unnecessary Jane: An’ just because I sauced ‘er, she threatened to sack me wivout a char acter Annie: An’ wot did you say Jane: Told ‘er I didn’t want no char iwcter, seein’ I was goin’ ter be married Passina Show (London “Law or no law, it’s gittin’ t’ be th rule in this country that a feller is inno cent unless he’s tried by a good jury. fhe Martin, in Indianapolis News. Canpip notice sent in to Society ce partment: “During the ceremony a friend sang, O, promise me and others.” New York World

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COMFORTABLE. and better looking Here’s a watch strap that, five years from now, will be just as comfort able, just as good-looking and just as new as it is the day you “discover” it WRISTACPAT FOR MEN With the latest improvement—a center catch. No need to drag it on and off over your hand. The patented center catch permits in- Stantremoval, and is doubly safe when locked. Most good jewelers can show you Wrista- crat For Men in these decidedly masculine designs. In 12 K Green, White and Yellow | Gold Filled. Literature upon request LOUIS STERN CO., “Bell. Ans ae Used Friend Tells Friend of Wonderful SURE RELIEF for Indigestion Samples on Request PROVIDENCE, R. I. | For correcting over-acidity, normal- izing indigestion and quickly relieving belching, yas, sourness, heartburn, nausea and other digestive disorders. The great value of BELL-ANS has been proved by over 30 years use. Doc- tors, Nurses and Dentists recommend this tested Safe, Pleasant, Sure Relief for Indigestion. Not a laxative. 25c and 75¢e packages sold everywhere. Send for free samples to: Orangeburg, N. Y. Bell & Co.., | Inc., | Vite _ ‘‘Lovers, Loiterers, Etc.’’ (Continued from page 9) at the very start and would probably go home crying (the big sissy !), com plaining that the fight was fixed. Oh, no, Miss Oelrichs! We have you there. ND dancing partners. Now, - Miss Ox lrichs Danceland’'( or it is known as “Charlie Crash and His Rarin’ Redhot Ragamutffins’ let tell ibroad shi h is VW here 9 Europe Just let step into the nearest * really! maybe Palace of Jazz’), and her us, if she can, where seen such steps as ours, please, in any part of she find a dancing partner who could can even approach the intricacies of posi tion which our modest music-mad youths master without even trying? Could she, anywhere but right here in America (God bless her! Amer ica, | mean), find a dancing part- ner who could dance the Black Bot tom without moving a muscle above the hips? No, she could not! Well, Miss O6clrichs, I guess you're feeling a little silly now. Fess up—you are, aren't you? Yes, 1 thought so But don't go. We arent through with you yet. Now is to sportsmen. Who won the polo? To what nation does the world’s greatest golfer belong? How about tennis? No, we'll drop tennis. But after all, we can't hav: everything. And surely we would be the last people in the world to be grudge a splendid nation like La Belle France the possession of La Tasse Davis. Wouldn't we, bovs? There! You see, Miss Oelrichs! | SHOULD like very much to quot to you, gentle reader, some of the richer plums from the literary pudding under discussion. But space forbids. Perhaps the best thing to do is to read the article vourself. In the meantime, if we could just all get together and talk this thing over. How about meeting at my house to-morrow night it = nine o'clock? Well, that’s fine! I knew I could depend on you in a crisis like this. We true Uncle Sam will, I in working out a plan to prove to the blue im sure, nephe ws of succeed world that as Men, as Lovers, as Loiterers, as etc.. you can't beat us Well, see vou to-morrow night Be sure to bring American flags. Thomas B. your Wanamaker, Jr. Salvaged = AS the operation successful ?” “Yes—the patient died, but the doctor recovered from the estate.” 3 a Rs ae ene Te ble "| a T $ 4:50 in White or Green Gold Filled $1.50 in White Metal At your Jeweler’s E SUREFIT Metal Watch Strap is a dainty, stylish bracelet made of this remarkable flexible material, in which no springs nor links are used. It holds the watch securely and is comfortable always. Your jeweler will show you several models. Made for men’s watches, too. . ' . Safety ( last § Insure Security

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Enchantment Morocco The Garden of the East | Land of the Farthest Sunset... Days of Nights of Mystery A the other end of “the long- est gangplank in the world” ... North Africa...there... strung through all its wonders of exotic cities of mirage-haunted desert and palm feathered oases .. . the forty-one famous Transatlantique hotels every modern comfort and luxury...in the midst of primitive beauty where all the smart cosmopolites of Europe gather for a gay winter season. And the glorious adventure begins at the very moment you leave New York ... ona French Liner ... with all its radiant charm of atmosphere the cuisine of Paris itself! A weekly express ser- vice the de luxe liners, Te De France, Paris and France... first to Plymouth, England ...then Le Havre de Paris. e+ Four One-Class Cabin Liners sailing direct to Havre -.. no transferring to tenders... simply another gangplank ...a waiting boat train... Paris, in three hours. Overnight... the Riviera. One day across the Mediterranean .. North Africa! Information from any French Line Agent or Tourist Office, or write direct to 19 State Street, New York City The Woodchuck he slew as a Life Mrs. Pep’s Diary (Continued from page 16) suitable for sleeves was twenty-six dollars a yard, but I do mean to have it nevertheless, being deter- mined to economize in some other direction, albeit God alone knows which one it shall be. Looking also for some new stays, I was minded, when the saleswoman departed with my measurements, of the injunction Hergesheimer’s “Linda Condon,” “Always remember Mama in Joseph telling you that the most expensive corsets are the cheapest in the end,” that such advice does not apply when the is not likely to once. To the “The a piece so and was thoroughly conscious garment in question than night to see be worn more playhouse this Shannons of Broadway,” blatantly of the candle-in-the-win- dow school as almost to defy recep- with pre- tense to sophistication, yet the acting of Lucille Webster and James Glea- son was so natural and diverting as tion by an audience any to send me home in a pleasing glow, and somehow confident that the stock which I bought unbeknownst to Sam and which has dropped steadily since my purchase will eventually turn into sunken gardens and a yacht. Baird Leonard. A Rabbit Parable In Wildwood, a socially eminent Rabbit, Of dignity, substance and girth, suitable hole to inhabit— burrow or Had chosen a An excellent earth, When up came a Woodchuck, a genuine groundhog, Who wanted the place for his lair; The Rabbit, impressed by a seventeen- pound hog, Abruptly departed from there. But shortly thereafter a virtuous Badger Slid down from a neighboring shelf; robber and cadger, Bequeathing the hole to himself. A Fox who believed in the law of requital Appeared through the bordering fern; He questioned the Badger’s title, Demanding the burrow in turn. manorial A battle ensued in a terrible smother, Affrighting the hardiest soul; The Fox and the Badger abolished each other, The Rabbit returned to his hole So here is appended the mildest of morals, Accept it for what it is worth: “When all of the Haughty are killed in their quarrels The Meek shall inherit the earth.” —Arthur Guiterman, in New York Times. | | Unless you see the aye r Cross’’ on package or on tablets you are not getting the genuine Bayer Aspirin proved by millions and prescribed by physicians over twenty-seven years for Colds Headache Neuritis Lumbago Toothache Rheumatism Neuralgia Pain, Pain [DOES NOT AFFECT THE HEART) safe Each unbroken “Bayer” package con- tains proven directions Handy boxes of twelve tablets cost few cents Drug- gists also sell bottles of 24 and 100. Aspirin is*the trade mark of Bayer Manu- facture of Monoa-et.cac.dester of Sal.cylicacid Disgusted Tue following was found pinned on the door of a deserted shanty in North Dakota: “Fore miles from a _ nabur; twenty-five miles frum a_ post offis; twenty-five miles frum a r. r.; 180 miles frum timber; have a mile frum water; God bless our hom: We're going East to get a fresh start.” Florida Times-Union. Four useless things in the world are professional weightlifting, shoplifting, facelifting and uplifting Louisville Times. Sruite: “Futile as subtle humor in the movies.”—Youngstown Telegram. FOR THAT COUGH!

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MIXTURE table. For 39 Years Carreras have supplied tobaccos to the ND today men meet over a pipe, ¢ RAVEN | will be found on the CraveEN MixTwuR! chosen pipe tobacco of discriminat- ing smokers the world over. A pure cured in way. 1oc Dept York City. 20 Fifth Ave., and unadulterated tobacco the old-fashioned natural For a liberal sample tin send American Office, 11, Carreras, Ltd., New in stamps to Craven | MIXTURE Imported from London = ¢ ; 18-HOLE COURSES # ROSS ‘M FOUR FAMOUS DONALD J. GOLF ~ POLO Vu ~ DNLLOOHS ~ AYAHOUV ~ SINNAL ~ ONIGIN Y& Good times are not hard to find know where to look for if you them. Now an easy 1514 hour trip from N. Y. City brings you to Pinehurst, N.C., the Golfer’s Paradise, the Center of Outdoor Sports. Leave N. Y. at 6:40 P.M.., arrive Pine- hurst next morning. There you'll find good- fellowship, health, cli- mate and regal comfort at the Carolina Hotel. Write for illustrated booklet or reservations to General Office, Pine- hurst, N. C. pinehurst z NORTH CAROLINA SPORT CENTER Wi connoisseur | | wherever English- 1s the} Life In the Right Spirit (Continued from page 26 Crack jokes. But be Your people respect you mort feeling. seri- ous. Your people respect you? Twoo.: Respect him. hell! They love him! AtBert (blushing Aw, now, J. 7 tell you, all I want to do is to make Belgium the best little ole kingdom on the face of God's green footstool. And with every last on of us working together to that end, with co-operation and faith and loyalty and good hard work...and .and.. .every last one of us work ing together. ..why why... Smeepy: Fine! Fine! That’s the old fight MeEMBERs: Twoo.: CHORUS OF Here's to you, Albert Rex, here’s to you; Here's to you, Albert Rex, here’s to you; We mean it when we sing, You're every inch a king, Hinky, Dinky, parlay-voo. Avsert: Well, thanks, boys. It’s I'll been a great treat. have to go Miss now. Katz, my _ secretary, | gives me the old dickens if I stay out for lunch more than an hour and a half. So long, boys, and God bless foe (He goes. Twoo.: Great fella, D. J He's got vision. He's going to make good in a big way. Smeepy: Yes, sir! That Little impromptu talk he gave was a great inspiration. He's a fella looks like he’s got both feet on the ground. What did you say his name was? CURTAIN. Henry W Hlanemann ' illiam Quick Shave A WELL-KN and mustache, OWN magician, who wore a day t double double goatee happened one to see a man who was his perfec The magician expected to use the in a substitution trick. “When I said, the trunk,” he “you jump out of your chair in the jump into audience and come up on the stage, and the people will think it’s me.” That evening th into the trunk and closed the lid, and at the same instant the double arose yelled, “Here I “flopped” miserably. magician jumped in his seat and um”—but the trick The whiskers, off his new hired man had shaved -Youngstown Telegram. A Familiar Cry “Dappy,” called the doctor's small son, “T want a drink.” “Sorry,” murmured his dad _ sleepily, “but I'm all out of prescription blanks.” Cincinnati Enquire The loutish-looking football player who piles on top of the other twenty-one for effect, after the play is complete.—Detroit News. PARASITE large, Gi € fragrance Ar the R & ¢ will t gift tor ( Gift Box containtit i¢ t Pavots d’Argent ROGER & GALLET Parfumeurs PARIS NEW YORK

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Life MEN’S PORTRAITS BECAUSE THE ANNOYING FUSS-—-THE UNNATURAL- NESS OF A SITTING--HAS BEEN ELIMINATED BY BACHRACH. LEADERS IN POLITICS, THE BUSINESS WORLD AND THE PROFESSIONS HAVE PREFERRED OUR STUDIOS FOR HALF A CENTURY. TELEPHONE FOR A SITTING BEFORE THE RUSH OF CHRISTMAS BUSINESS Bachrach PHOTOGRAPHS OF DISTINCTION 507 FIFTH AVENUE VANDERBILT 7400 Most cordial, thank you. . . Countrywide, PICKWICK is is pleasing the most fastidious. Tune in on the finest of brews. There’s a tang and mellowness which bring back memories of famous old com- positions. Sew NGLANO swe. o. meee i?) e ‘ ©, |42 Gracechurch 5 t Cad At the better Clubs, Hotels and Restaurants HAFFENREFFER & CO., Boston E and STOUT The Tang of Good Old -Ale PICKWICK the huddle Life FOOTBALL | NUMBER | ON SALE none | 4 rp oie ail ig =\ There ll be one of these at every news-stand next Tuesday—and we advise you to snap into the huddle good and early if you want your copy of the FOOTBALL NUMBER a Lire production, which is always the high- spot of the football season This year, it will be higher than ever, what with a PEN- RHYN STANLAWS cover (and such an eye- ful!); a double-page cartoon by JOHN HELD, Jr.; drawings and other things by RUSSELL PATTERSON, ROBERT BENCH- LEY, COREY FORD, DOROTHY PARKER, LLOYD MAYER and other All-American wits, * In two weeks we shall announce a new $2500.00 PRIZE CONTEST which will be unusual, fascinating and pleas- antly profitable. This wiil continue through twelve issues—with new prizes each week! The TROPICAL NUMBER appears on November 24. Cover by JOHN LAGATTA —cartoon by WALLACE MORGAN. And THEN — Ye CHRISTMAS NUMBER, with the best of everything that Lire has to offer. read Life regularly (7— EVERY week! BUSH TERMINAL PRINTING CORPORATION, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

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The Improved Knight Engine — For carefree motoring. No carbon troubles, no valve-grinding. Remarkably economical. The only type of engine that actually improves with use. 7-Bearing Crankshaft—For smoothest possible operation—no vibration. Skinner Rectifier—Keeps your oil at highest pos- sible lubricating efficiency. Prevents dilution. 4-Wheel Brakes—Mechanically operated for positive results; also for simplicity and ease of adjustment by average mechanic. Belflex Shackles—An invaluable feature —they prevent squeaks or rattles in the chassis—re- quire no greasing or adjustment. THE ENGINE IMPROVES WITH USE —IN A fo W— Extraordinary Improvements / x Willys-Knight Great Six 5-passenger Sedan at the Capitol, Washington. D.C This illustrious motor car, world famed for its brilliant performance, now attains new and unprecedented heights of excellence. New top speed, flashier acceleration, your choice of beautiful colors— all at no increase in price! 8Timken Bearings in Front Axle—Easiest steering. Narrow Body Pillars at Windshield — Greater vision means greater safety. A vital safety fea- ture in these days of crowded roads. Adjustable Front Seat on Sedan and Foursome models for your greater comfort. Light Control at Steering Wheel— Right where it belongs. You dim without lifting your hand from wheel. Shock Absorbers — Air cleaner — Thermostatic temperature control — Finest quality upholstery. “70” Willys-Knight Six, $1295 to $1495 reduced prices range from $1850 to $2950. Prices f. o specie ations subject to change without notice » Ohio. Will lys-Overland Sales Cow. Lid. Willys-Knight Great Six, b. factory and Willys-Overland, Inc. Teronto, Canada. WILLYS-KNIGHT SMOOTHNESS, QUIETNESS AND ECONOMY

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Here’s to Camel—on a million tables! HERE’S to Camel. How much added pleasure it brings to the world. Wherever congenial friends gather, or in the solitary hours of work or travel, Camel insures the enviable mood of enjoyment. All of the mysterious powers to please of the choicest Turkish and Domestic to- baccos grown are brought to fulfillment in Camel. This is done through a smooth and mellow blend that cannot be found anywhere else. For America’s largest tobacco organization concentrates its abil- ities in Camel. Into this one brand goes all of its power to select and buy and blend for taste satisfaction. There simply are no better cigarettes made at any price. Camel’s mildness and mellowness are the favorites of particular modern smok- ers. So much so that Camel’s popularity is greater than any other cigarette ever had. For your enjoyment of the smoothest smoke ever made, “Have a Camel!”’ R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO COMPANY, WINSTON-SALEM, N. C.