Life 1927-01-13: Vol 89 Iss 2306

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Price: january 3 15 cents AUTOMODRILE sad | NUM VBI

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or nine consecutive years Buick has been first in volumeofsalesamongallthe members of the National Automobile Chamber of Commerce. Only a very superior motor car could have estab- lished its leadership so conclusively. THE GREATEST BUICK EVER BUILT BUICK WILL BUILD THEM

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ot Tons eed eae Ore ~~ —-- =~

ad tea” PRU ae

AMERIC A’ FINE MALL Cc AR isp

Marmon now presents to a waiting public—the Little Marmon —z— On view at leading automobile shows throughout the country —z— It represents an entirely new and advanced type of transportation—a truly fine and distinguished car compacted —, June 8, 1883, at New York Post Office, under act of March 3, 1879. Printed in U.S, A. Ent’d as 2nd Class Matter at the Post Office Dept., Canada. ©, 1927, LIFE, in U. 5., England and British Possessions,

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CHlexibility * To say that the improved Packard Six now has forty per cent more power, does not adequately impress its truly remarkable performance. To add that even the largest closed models, fully loaded, will easily reach 75 miles an hour does not sufficiently explain the enthusiasm of new owners. For few men wish to use such speed. But translated in daily use, this surplus power, this capability of great speed, PAC KARD,

“The supreme combination of all that is fine in motor cars.”

means supreme flexibility —a thrilling, effortless response to the driver’s will— a lithe agility in traffic and on hills, pre- viously unknown. It means easy, restful driving—the constant delight of smooth, silent motion which recaptures the lost zest of motor travel. With this matchless new performance added to its traditional comfort, beauty and distinction, the improved Packard Six is converting new thousands to the economy of fine car ownership. E

"7 <opeamaing eS ent ee ee ee

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LES POUDRES hat | OL wes ee Me ategret »' « — | IN ALL THE COTY ODEURS SUPREMACY OF PERFECTION omer why o delivht in Luxurwes — who align ther beauty — know Les Poudres COT Y yor the perfect Face Powder. Srvariably tt 1's to be seen on their dressing tables — because of i tts rich fragrance, 2£S w72t- form purity ats delrcate, exgursile , faneness . y “ROUGE Crt booklet tllustrated oy CHARLES DANA GIBSON 77% az led upo 72 rm’ gGlke ) £ cs i INC 714 fifth Doenue, New York CANADA —55-M°Gi!! College Ave, M Address “Dept. L 1-13" Montreal

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Life

uck him in~

AT a joy it is to tuck him in his warm, fleecy blankets—happy

in the thought that everything that can : ' be done to keep him safe from harm has been done. today. They can tuck their babies in bed and rest secure in the know- ledge that many of childhood’s greatest enemies need never touch them. For one thing, their babies probably will never have smallpox. These wise mothers have seen to it that their little ones are protected by vaccination. Precis. They are the mothers of How different it was before vaccination was discovered. Then mothers were powerless against this terrible disease. Among children who died, under 10 years of age, smallpox was responsible for one out of three deaths. Smallpox was more prevalent than measles. Few escaped and the children suffered most. Over and over again it swept the world, leaving its thousands of dead, thousands cruelly disfigured, thousands blind and deaf. Then came the history-changing discov- ery—vaccination—and the number of deaths from smallpox went down and down. The end would have been reached but for the well-meaning, but misinformed persons who clamored that “vaccination is a crime’’—that “sunshine and cleanliness, not vaccination, drive out smallpox”. If such reckless statements are believed and parents do not have their children

vaccinated, smallpox may again attack the children as it did a little more than a century ago. In certain parts of the country, smallpox among children is again on the increase! In the past, when arm to arm inoculation was common and persons were inoculated direct from smallpox patients, there were many deaths following attempts at pre- vention. Today, vaccination is safe. The only mishaps that can occur are due tc carelessness in protecting the vacci- nated area. The vaccine now used is pro- duced under the control and supervision of the United States Government. Smallpox comes from unsuspected sources. Because it takes 12 days to develop, it is possible for immigrants or returning travellers to bring smallpox into the country with them. Smallpox can be stamped out only by systematic vaccination. Every child should be vaccinated before he is one year old and again during school years. Immunity wears off in time—anywhere from five to fifteen years—and leaves one again susceptible. Is it more than seven years since you were vaccinated? Now—before the danger is upon you— make sure that you and yours are pro perly protected. Be safe. Published by

JAMES mCerowery Tag Before the Philippine Is- lands were occupied by the American Army in 1898. thousands of persons died from smallpox every year. Vaccination carried on un- der the direction of Army officials drove smallpox down to only 273 deaths in one year. Then came a iod when vaccination of children was neglected. Asa result, the worst epidemic of modern times broke out in 1918-19 with 60,855 deaths—75 cent of which were of chil- dren under 9 years of age. Our 48 states can be classi- fied in three groups—those in which vaccination is compulsory, those in which it is optional and those which have no laws for vaccination. Statistics show the lowest average number of cases per 100,000 of population in Inthe’ “compulsory” states, the next highest averag: in the “o nmal”’ states and the highest in the “no-law” states. The —y Life Insurance any will — = mie out cost, aot the man who re covered vaccination. Send for them. HALEY FISKE, President. ~

X NP, OO <3 Me etewene Paee «

Pag is METROPOLITAN LIFE. INSURANCE COMPANY~NEW YORK Biggest in the World, More Assets, More Policyholders, More Insurance in force, More new Insurance each year

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Lif’e To a Coddled Coupe Lines of Exasperation Y OU pampered, petted, temperamental car, You upstart with your own importance smitten, You autocratic, automotive czar, Demanding more attention than a kitten— Your needs we all must serve with fervent unction Before Your Highness even deigns to function. Such slaves as I must spend our days in toil; And evenings to your many wants we cater; We slake your thirsty throat with engine oil And give you gas to feed your carburetor. At times when you grow obstinate we crank you, Without your even sparing us a thank you! ai Se ee “NAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS? IM GOING TO MARRY My little son is not so hard on shoes FREDDIE VAN DYKE.” (Although sometimes the rascal kicks a toe out) “BUT I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY HAD A HUSBAND.” But you, sweet-tempered wagon, always choose “oH—I TURNED HIM IN.” A rainy night to have your little blow-out. You helpless mass of shimmering resplendence— What They Expect in a Car Wake up! Achieve a little independence ! HE SPEED-DEMON—Gangway! Arthur L. Lippmann, The Family Man—An occasional chance at it. . . The Traffic Cop—No back-talk. Logical Deduction The College Man—Fifteen passengers. REDIT MANAGER: Do you own a ear? ; The Taxi Driver—A forgotten wallet once in a while. APPLICANT For Crepit: No. 7 : The Flapper—Affection and respect. (Credit manager writes, “Has a car.”’) A. M. §&. —_— eee GHEIK: I never knew what love was until now. HERE’S something about girls’ legs these days- " Suesa: Neither did I, but this is about what I but it isn’t clothes. thought it was. ~s » hu ce. zg i so : 9 ~ . MOLINGK , ae , TUN t WF uu S a. —= -_ i a.) A LD — AW || W . = ee = Hard-boiled Traffic Cop: coME ON, BEN-HUR, THE ROMANS IS GAININ’ ON YER.

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IN YONDER LOFT MILLIONAIRE JONES HUNG HIMSELF, AND c ORNER 1S WHERE Tue COCAINE PEDDLE nto a = TOS ag 2 o RIG TED Divorcee AT THe NExT DWAY Ra KweED THE BRCM UTTERFLY: Will It Come to This? EXPLAINING HISTORIC POINTS OF INTEREST TO TABLOID NEWSPAPER READERS. ‘‘She Was All Attention’’ HE: I’m simply mad to hear all about it—do tell me! He: Well, you see, we were just coming to that spot between—— Sue (with a blank expression): I just remembered that dress of mine; it hasn’t come. He (floundering): You know that bad corner between the old church and Spotty’s Lane where Sue: Oh, those fowers you sent— they were simply exquisite. He: And Jim was driving, you see, when Sue: How frightfully exciging— where did you say all this hap- pened? He: Well, you see, we were just coming to that spot between Sue: Was that the door bell or the telephone, do you suppose? He: Well, you see, Jim was driv- ing, and suddenly Sue: Did you answer the door? He (perspiring visibly): Between the old lane and Spotty’s Church we were just coming to Jim’s driving when suddenly the door bell Sue: I'll bet it was the telephone! But where on earth did all this hap- pen, I mean? He (dully): We were driving along between Spotty’s Road and the old Lane Church when suddenly Jim Sue: It was the telephone, I’m certain! hear anybody The Sporting Instinct “GIVE IT AN EVEN BREAK, JOE. WAIT TILL IT GETS TO THE TREE.” He (groggily): You know that bad turn between Spotty Jim’s and this other machine we met when | was driving before we passed the old Sue: Jlonestly, my dear, I can't bear it—I mean I never heard any- thing so thrilling in my life! Lloyd Mayer. Can’t Electrocute for That HE defendant had just pleaded guilty to murdering his wife and was before the bar to be sentenced. “Have you anything to say as to why the sentence of the Court should not be passed upon you?” asked the Judge. “Nothing, Your Honor,” said the prisoner quietly, “except that my wife always referred to the comic strips as ‘the funnies.’ ” “The Court considers that justi- fiable homicide; turn the prisoner loose and call the next case.” An Arabian Night APTAIN OF THE FORTY THIEVES: What do you mean by crashing into our cave like this? Aur Basa: It Mustapha been two other fellows. XAMPLE of useless expendi- ture—giving a new maid a ten- trip suburban ticket. OBBED hair is one of those things that grow on you.

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at nd he n’t iv- ose SEW toate oer Life Such Fun! “ZY dear, we motored all the way to Boston, and I never had such a wonderful trip in my life! Oh, ves, of course it rained—it would have to rain that day of all BEVEVRN Hn OFFICE OF THE MAN NUMBERS days! Oh, and that reminds me of the funniest thing! There was a little hole in the awning on top, you know, and Leila was under it and she was absolutely deluged! So she made George change seats with her and so George was de 1 ug e d, too! I nearly died! Oh, and the funniest part of it was that George had his new suit on and he hadn’t brought any raincoat and by the time we ‘ got to Boston he _— was the funniest- looking sight! I 4 - just had to it scream! Oh, I Dist almost forgot, we WHO THINKS UP THE LICENSE FOR AUTOMOBILES. had a puncture or a blowout or some- thing just this side of Hartford, and George and Will had to get out and fix it right there in the pouring rain and I never heard such language in all my life! I said to Will, I said, ‘Will, if you can’t drive a car and be a gentleman, too, why, you ought not to drive a car.’ But it really was ter- ribly funny! Really! “Oh, and then some- thing happened before we got into Worcester —the carbon or some- thing broke down, you know, and we had to get a garage man and when he got through fooling around he charged Will thirty dollars! Well, my dear, that made Will simply blow up, and the way he talked to that garage man was a caution! But I said to him, I said, “Will, the garage man probably knows his_ business, and you don’t see me complaining, do you?’ And Will gave me the nastiest look! But finally he had to pay, of course, and all the rest of the way to Bos- ton we simply razzed the life out of him about it! “And then when we got to Boston it was so late that all the restaurants and hotel dining-rooms were closed and we had to eat at a funny little place where you sat on stools! And racted Husband: -vHERE DID MY WIFE DRIVE FROM HERE? Luella: wuy po you ALWAYS KEEP ONE ARM FREE WHEN YOU NECK? Casper: WELL, YOU SEE, SOME DAY I HOPE TO OWN A CAR. the one George was sitting on had something the matter with it and it just collapsed and George got the most awful bump and we simply howled! “Why, I wouldn’t think of parting yo? with that car for a million dollars: Tip Bliss. Automobile Mathematics ADVERTISED cost of the ON TE Oe eee oe #1199 Freight on buyer............ Q41 en a 182 Extra equipment ....... 125 NS en 200 ID ainiinny «644000 %%0% 75 Actual cost of the car... .....$2022 Cash paid down by the pur- Gove dies Cc kiacvacaee 25

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SUST BETWEEN US GIRLG as Y dear, ’'m SIMply LIVID—I mean I'm com- PLETELY nonPLUSSED because I mean I have NOT been asked to the Yale PROM yet and I mean if I am NOT asked I shall ACtually ROLL over and BUTter myself with FURY—I mean I HONestly WILL, my dear, because I mean I'm all hot and BOTHERED about it, I mean I ACtually AM! But, ANYways, my dear, I HONestly do not think that college men have any MANners any more because I mean I know this man at YALE who is on the PROM committee this YEAR, my dear, and I mean I thought he was per- fectly SWEET and everything and I ASKED him to a HOUSE party because I mean I thought it was kind of diploMATiec to ask him, I mean, but I mean he never ONCE mentioned the PROM the enTIRE time we were THERE— did you ever HEAR of any- thing so RUDE in your LIFE, my dear? I mean I think it was ACtually ee VILE of him to ny kind of deLIB- wy erately aVOID , the SUBject the , way he did be- Nubbville Spark cause I mean it kind of LOOKED as if he THOUGHT I was TRYing to get a BID to the PROM, I mean, which was ACtually the LAST idea in my MIND, my dear, because I mean I ACtually think college men have really not got good TASTE in girls any more, ANYways, because I mean they are always asking CHOrus girls and POISONous people like THAT to PROMS NOWadays, my dear, instead of really atT RACtive girls who are well brought UP and everything—I mean they ACtually ARE!” Lloyd Mayer. LOTS 0’ SPEEDIN’ MOTORISTS HAVE NOTHIN’ TO DO AFTER THEY GET THERE. The Reason OTHER: Jimmie, why didn’t you get your wrists clean when you washed your hands? Jimmie: The soap wasn’t long enough. Life Prelude HE siren shrieks, and the klaxon blows— A big red blur, and the engine goes Like a drunken giant through the traffic jam, Hell-bent for the flames on Amsterdam. The pavement trembles, red sparks fly As the hook-and-ladder comes pounding by. ; For Commerce is dead, Romance holds sway-— Rome again on a holiday! The grocer leaves his counter, the policeman leaves his beat— Half the city’s urchins racing up the street. All the world is young again—flames are leaping higher— Levy and Sullivan tearin’ towards the fire. And the rabble all eager howl and shout As in the arena long ago When the lions and Christians put on a show. Up go the ladders! Up go the men! Fire and destruction must be met again! Up go the hoses on the water towers And the flames are drowned in their streaming showers, * * * ‘ And now black smoke comes pouring out, } This is the prelude to the tale Of Moe Levinsky’s fire sale. Leonard Bronner. f Apert LEEKiNy Pe. | “DID HE HIT you?” “YES, BUT YOU OUGHT TO SSE HIS FRONT FENDER.” for tri of pla of an fift Re 9,2 fill; Cit ate bot Pai ing the wit the If a and Los Cal Un Ep) aste cre: ima bu tea the “A Cr: A d Las had wa}

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his ers, e4 We enn | ae an — > OE ee LS, Life Lines HE dry forces in Washington are now inaugurating Nation- wide Drive for Stricter En- forcement No. 108364—thereby con- tributing their mite to the celebration of National Laugh Month. JL Captain Harry Granam, London playwright, is making a collection of the world’s fifty worst books, and our only wonderment is which fifty volumes of the Congressional Record he will select. 8 A plan has been formulated to add 2,200 acres to New York City by filling in a portion of the East River. Citizens should be asked to co-oper- ate by dumping their empty gin bottles into the stream. BR Paris has decreed that ladies’ stock- to reach four inches above their knees, or, in other words, just ings are within two inches of the hems of their skirts. +L If the next dirigible isn’t named “San Francisco” and isn’t bigger and better in every way than the Los Angeles, the northern half of California plans to secede from the Union and annex itself to Japan. A Epison predicts a new era of dis- asters on account of heavily in- creased air traffic, but we can hardly imagine any surviving pedestrians bursting into tears on reading the headline, “Aerial Taxis Crash.” L Add Famous Last Lines — “I \ eS Se \ a. / } ) BN ~» a\ .\ a Affi Ve Mh jal S ‘al [7 | | / | pet aad | oO Ilostess: WUAT’S THE IDEA OF BRINGING TWO BOY FRIENDS WITH you? Guest: OH, I ALWAYS CARRY A SPARE. After a Thorough Workout in All the Other Depart- ments the Star Salesman Takes to Selling Automobiles “YES, sir, and madam—something in an automobile? Right this way, please. Light, medium or heavy weight? Here, slip this one on. Ah! Look how that drapes over the shoulders! A little tight in the back seat for the lady? We can easily hzve that let out. Walk up and down in it a few times. The color, I think, is perfect. What's that, madam? Well, if you'd tilt it a little more over your left eye... lined with genuine asbestos. Just feel that material! No, sir, it can’t warp or crack—if you find a bit of putty anywhere, we'll give you a new one. It’s cool to the last puff, holds its edge indefinitely and is ab- solutely accurate—fifteen adjust- ments, stainless and the sun can’t fade it. Certainly, we can change the buttons if you wish, but I’d ad- vise you to keep it in a cool, dry place for the first week, after which it will sort of conform to your lines. Yes, I know it seems kind of strange, but then you've so! Now that’s what I'd call a nifty effect. Yes, indeed, the brakes are oS hello ~~ we had the right of WN way—” = 9 o) P2 Another 2 Alexander “DOP, can’t we move soon?” “Move? Why?” “Well, I’ve licked all the been used to wearing a derby. ...Ah, thank you. Shalll send it, or will you take it with you? Caa-aash!” H. W. H. KG Historical G Note HE Battle of ° Princeton was fought one hun- dred and fifty years ago and : the British didn’t kids in this neighborhood.” JUST A REAL GOOD CAR get the goal- posts !

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Life i0 — TUPPENCE Y ——S |First “% MILE - SIXPENCE SECOND the Natives Walk the First Quarter-Mile and Ride the Second To Save Money in Aberdeen, Scotland,

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Life The Automobile Horn When It Is Used and Why—How It Protects Drivers— Other Advantages HE automobile horn is an electrically operated sound- ing device by means of which the driver of an auto- mobile notifies the party on the third floor that he has arrived, without ringing the doorbell. It is also used as a signal to pedestrians. In the latter instance, if the driver has his car in such a position that the pedestrian cannot possibly avoid be- ing struck by hastening his gait, stopping or side-step- ping, the motorist sounds the horn as an indication that he has seen the victim and knows he will hit him. If, however, by signaling, the driver can warn the pedes- trian in time for him to avoid being hit, the horn is not sounded, as it would be wasted effort if no defense were needed. The motorist there- fore waits before signaling. The automobile horn is also sounded at dangerous crossings where accidents are likely to happen. If no answering sound is heard from another car, the driver continues across the in- tersection at the same speed. If, however, there is another machine approaching, this sec- ond driver sounds his horn, and then both drivers, knowing that another car is approaching, quicken their speed to cross te B ahead of the other. ™ There are many other uses. THE GIRL WITH THE In heavy traffic, for example, TRAFFIC EYES. where a police officer is detain- ing a line of cars, the sounding of a horn will indicate to him that the driver thinks he has waited long enough and that the line he is in should be permitted to proceed. No traffic officer has yet been known to agree with a driver in this respect, however. It is used, too, when the preceding motorist has killed his engine and is having difficulty in starting it. The motorist immediately behind sounds his horn repeatedly, the theory being that, as in football contests, where the teams are spurred on by noise-making, the first driver will receive the hearty encouragement so necessary to attain his goal: the starting of his motor. No car, therefore, should be without a horn. Jack Auburn Pennmann. Left Off the Signs “EF REE air and water’’—to remind you that you need gas. “Crank cases drained free”—because you will need more oil. . “This car has been thoroughly overhauled”—but it may be a piece of junk in a week. “Your credit is good”—if you have the reputation of seins steed. B E And Now Look At It “Our twenty-four-hour garage service has been estab- “1 CAN REMEMBER WHEN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY lished for your convenience’”—but if we find it doesn’t WAS PRACTICALLY UNCIVILIZED.” pay we'll quit it. > William Sanford.

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Life | legt Shon Conditions of the Contest Read these carefully: hy ACH week we will publish a different picture in the ALIBI CONTEST —the picture this week being marked “ALIBI NUMBER FIVE.” The first prize of $50.00 will be awarded each week to the contestant who, in the opinion of the judges, furnishes the cleverest and most con- vincing conclusion to the sentence which starts, “Well, you see, it was this way...’ Five second prizes of $10.00 each will be awarded to the runners-up. Answers must not exceed twenty- five words in length; this word limit, however, is not intended to include the captions under the Contest pic- tures as originally published in Lire. There is no limit to the number of answers to each Contest picture that any one contestant may submit. Nor is it necessary for a contestant to submit answers to more than one of the Contest pictures to be eligible for a prize. The judges will be three of the Editors of Lire. In the event of a tie, the full amount of the prize will be awarded to each of the tying contestants. Answers should be typewritten or clearly written on one side of the paper. The judges cannot under- take to return any of the manu- scripts that are submitted in this Contest. Answers to ALIBI NUMBER FIVE should be so marked, and sent to ALIBI CONTEST EDI- TOR, Lire, 598 Madison Avenue, New York City. All answers to ALIBI NUMBER FIVE must reach Lire’s office before 12 noon on January 27, 1927. Announce- ment of the winners will be made in the issue of February 17, 1927. The Contest is open to all and is not limited to subscribers to Lire. Members of Lire’s staff, and their families, are barred from competi- tion. $100 in Prizes HIS is the fifth week of the Great Alibi Contest. Even though you may have missed the pre- ceding Alibi Pictures, you can enter the Contest now and be eligible for this week’s prize. Study carefully the situation de- picted by Conacher below. Try to evolve an Alibi for the woman driver involved in this predicament. Express this Alibi in twenty-five words (or less) and send it in to the Alibi Contest Editor. Remember— the twenty-five-word limit applies only to your Alibi, and does not in- clude the printed caption beneath the picture. Each contestant may many answers to this Contest as he or she desires. But all answers to send in as ALIBI NUMBER FIVE must reach Lire’s office not later than twelve noon on January 27, 1927. The prizes are as follows: First Prize, $50.00 Five Second Prizes of $10.00 each These prizes will be awarded to those who, in the opinion of the judges, submit the cleverest and most convincing Alibis to fit the situation in the accompanying picture. ALIBI NUMBER SIX will be published in Lire next week, with a new set of prizes offered. Read the conditions carefully— and go to it! ALIBI NUMBER FIVE Cop: + — | ad) Ay S| Ig {| f {ws yi ‘. = ae = = =i 7 Ye. DINKY SHOPer \j3t Deca tae G. Shoppe 77 A ad - ay oh — wert = hs = Sicha. Lay | “fl r I HELD UP ME HAND AN’ BLEW ME WHISTLE AN’ STILL YE GO AHEAD. WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA? She: WELL, CFFICER, YOU SEE, IT WAS THIS WAY..... . 1) oon Se REE I nt _ te ey Bad, idan. tetra et co

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SS ee eS pe ENF Lines to a Taxi-Driver Wee with all-night dancing, I lie deep Within the softness of this cush- ioned seat, Grateful that you supply your car with heat, Happy to think of home and ease and sleep. O hardy cruiser of the long dark streets, No frost could ever numb your cer- tain hands; Though winter holds the world in iron bands, We move as smoothly as an ode by Keats. Emerging from the fetid place where I Had danced, I felt myself the only soul Alive: puny and helpless. Then the whole Cosmos grew bright, for you came gliding by. I saw you come, out of infinity— Driven by man’s recurrent need for bread; And I rejoiced I'd quickly reach my bed, While you rejoiced you'd earn a coin from me.... These fleeting glimpses of the frozen park, This marvelous kaleidoscope of tall Buildings and houses—I enjoy it all Immensely, seated warmly here. But hark: It’s longer than an hour since I first took Your cab; you’ve sampled every single road; How about driving straight to my abode? isn’t five eighty-five enough, you crook? : Simonetta. Several Ways to Eliminate RailroadCrossingAccidents ] Sell your car. 2—Sell your car. 3—Sell your car. 4—Sell your car. 5—If you can’t sell your car, junk it. F.R Lfielten ~ “WHAT'S THE IDEA OF THE JONESES HIGH-HATTING US LIKE THAT?” “HAVEN T YOU HEARD? THEIR CAR HAS BEEN EQUIPPED WITH SNUBBERs!”’ Retort Courteous “A Japanese instructor in English has advised his charges to learn English expressions of politeness by bumping into Englishmen or Americans in the street and saying, ‘I beg your pardon,’ ”—News Item. AKING Teacher's advice just as he gave it, the bright Japanese schoolboys went forth and collected the following gems of English: “You wanna sock inna nose?” “Do that again, ya squinny-eyed chink, an’ I'll flatten ya through the sidewalk !” “"Op it, Chop Suey, afore I brykes yer blinkin’ neck!”’ “Kveet pooshink, Hi'm tallink gyou! Hect like a jantlemen, not likea kike!” “Get the so and so and so and so to hell out of my way!” And that, children, is one of the many reasons why that great patriot, Mr. E. L. Doheny, got the oil con- cessions in California. H.W. H. The Big Mystery Reckless Motorist: my CAR 18 PRACTICALLY WORN OUT RIGHT NOW, AND You TOLD ME IT WOULD LAST ME A LIFETIME. Salesman: WELL, I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT HASN’T.

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L NOW, WOT D'YE SPOSE HE SAID? ‘NEN WHat 01D THE G-'! @x +7 a10n _~ ‘Ex! Bunny SAY, PAPA? ME SEZ TO OLD MR, TURTLE, HE SEZ: SAY, You D—t!@ «'_! waHirre Livered ~ ¢_-t_.7z2+—! GIT OvTA: HERE! yveRE . BLOCKIN’ TRAFFIC! THE BEDTIME STORY IN THE TRUCK DRIVER'S HOME CMs Pepi Piart y December This day I did weaken, as is my annual cus- 21st — tom, in regard to the packages which have arrived, and the first so undesirable a gift that I was at some pains not to burst into tears. I had liefer feel sorrowful over it now, however, than on Christmas Day. And when did try to cheer me up with the original sug- gestion that it might have been worse, I did ask him, As, for in- stance, what? whereto he responded, An elephant’s tusk with the entire history of Japan carved upon it. Then to the second parcel, and lo! I was in transports of delight, for it was a complete assortment of Toujours Fidéle, one of my favorite scents, from Irances Hartmann of Chicago, and I was on the point of wir- ing her that my Yuletide was made, even though I should receive nought else, my pleasure being so great that I did forego further re- searches. The morning gone in petty tasks during which I did have an ear open for the postman, for I am al- ways a-twitter over Christ- mas cards, however formal and stereotyped, and do not hold with those who deem their exchange a silly busi- ness. Reading in the vari- ous journals which I had saved over from Sunday, I did come across a paragraph by Alexander Woollcott on Sam tabloid dramatic criticisms, and was reminded of how an usher had said, He’s a damned good critic! of a man who was actively ill during a performance of Billie Burke in “Rose Briar.” To luncheon at an inn with Lydia Loomis, who is in love again, poor wretch, and she tells me that she has ceased tempo- rarily to associate with Enid Libby and Beth Whittaker, because this time she is so gone that she cannot listen to detailed conversation with any patience, but Lord! if there be any individual more boring than a person in love who longs to talk about it, I have yet to discover him. (Continued on page 28) (REGULATING Cars (After Joyce Kilmer) . THINK that I shall never smash A car as lovely as a Nash: A Nash that looks at Fords all day And turns disdainfully away: A Nash that’s every bit as natty As a Hispano or Bugatti. I like a car with lots of guts, That doesn’t run by fits and Stutz: A ear that labors without stint: A Studebaker, or a Flint: A bus that shuns all earthly cars, And intimately lives with Stars: That grips the road with its bal- loons, Whose windshield mingles with the Moons! Poems are made by fools like me, But only Packard can make a Packard. Norman R. Jaffray. Incompatibility OB: What’s the trouble between you and your masseur? Bos: Oh, he rubs me the wrong way! USTICE is surely blind when avi- ators, who are rapidly conquering the air, are frequently killed, and saxophone players, who are attempt- ing to poison it, go unharmed. a “ ) PARTS | ee ee (eoa0s (TERESA || TASTE || (OP IONS | @© [ | ooze TI © An Industry Epoch CHANGING THE WORKS IN FORD EMPLOYEES TO FIVE-DAY MOVEMENTS.

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The Cutest Thing My Auto Ever Did TS: other night I was sitting in the living-room listening to the radio when I heard a noise outside the door. The door opened slowly and my little Chevrolet, which is five years old, rolled slowly into the room. Then it reared itself up on its hind tires, put its front tires in my lap, looked up into my face and said, softly: “Honk! honk!” I rushed right out to the garage and gave it a quart of oil. J. Tuursspy MistTreen, Sautt Ste. Marie. The other day I was arrested for speeding. The policeman insisted I was going forty-five miles an hour. Turning to my car, I said: “Dodgie, were you going forty-five miles an hour?” Like a flash, the bonnet shook violently from left to right (1 had the motor on at the time), mean- ing, “No, of course I wasn’t going forty-five miles an hour.” Well, you should have seen the policeman’s face! Joe Crprotti-Jones, c/o Crry Jair, BeRNARDSVILLE, N. J. [ have seen automobiles do some pretty cute things, but I never heard of one pulling a stunt like this. Just as | got to a railroad crossing, last Tuesday, my car stalled. I pressed on the self-starter, but nothing hap- pened. “I'll fix you, you ~ ’” T said, and getting the crank out of the tool box, I started to crank the car. How- ever, with the first turn, the car kicked me clear across the cross- ing, just as the southbound limited came thundering by. What do you know about that? Morton P. PENNYCRACKER, Twin Oaks, Texas. We had driven a long, long ways to watch a display of fireworks. Everybody was happy until it was all over, and then my youngest child, Edible, started to ery. “Daddy,” she said, “me want tum (some) more foireworks, bedad and _bejabers.” Just at that moment the radiator cap on the Maxwell blew off with a loud bang! and a cloud of scalding steam - enveloped us. At the same time, the gasoline tank caught fire. You can’t convince me that that Maxwell didn’t know what it was doing. Mrs. (Wipow) O’FLanenrrty, Montauk Pornt, L. I. The other night I was out in my Mercedes with a blonde. We went along a while and finally she said: “If you so much as try to kiss me, I'll get right out of this car and walk home.” Whereupon the front half of my car sort of turned around and the left headlight went on and off like it was winking at me! And darned if the darned car wasn't perfectly right, at that! IsHMAEL CLAaupE GoonTz, Devtaware Water Gap. Henry William Hanemann. “vou MISSED HIM, ED— I DON’T BELIEVE YOU'RE HALF TRYING.” A 100-to-1 Shot HE three men in the smoking compartment were marveling over the fact that one of them was from Boston and did not like beans, another was from Reno and had never been divorced, while the third was from Detroit and had never ridden in a flivver. This group ceased to be unique when two more men joined the party. One was from Herrin, the other from Chicago. Bill Sykes. From Year to Year GATHA: Every January Algy goes on one of those Round-the- World tours. HarrRIetTrT: notonous ! _ How frightfully mo- WHY NOT SYMPATHY PENNANTS FOR MOTORISTS?

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. W NUE) 4g ” JANUARY 13, 1927 VOL. 89. 2306 “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 598 Madison Avenue, New York Cuartes Dana Ginson, President R. E. Suerwoop, Editor F. D. Casey, Art Editor wi watching Secretary Kellogg in his proceedings in Nicaragua, and the State police of New Jersey who shot up the Meeneys, and the impending controversy between Smith and Walker, the New York World and Heaven knows who else about the subways, and the constant stream of suggestions and replies about for- eign debts, the year opens with con- siderable activity for minds more or less impaired by holidays. Scores of deaths due to holiday drinking of alcohol poisoned by the Government call attention anew to the propensity of Enforcement au- thorities to break the command- ments. Henry Ford has spoken. He is not going to make any violent changes in his output. He is going on with the old car, meeting the demand, willing to sell to Russia, India, China and any points East from which payments can be collected with reasonable certainty. Henry is probably waiting to see how much the world is going to change before he meddles very much with the existing type of his indispensable mechanism. He is quite right about that, as the world is very liable to change, and may relapse quite promptly into a state where the cheapest conveyances will again be in most active demand. The Navy men want more cruisers, and are trying to poke up the Gov- ernment to build more dirigibles. Dirigibles are awfully like eggs. Eggs do not keep well in cold stor- age and if you keep hens setting on THAT W ith Crain Maxwe tt, Vice-President LANGHORNE Gipson, Secretary and Treasurer them they spoil. If they hatch out and go loose the motor cars run over them. Dirigibles are the most pre- carious property now known to man, but that is not a fatal objection to having a couple more of them for exhibition at State fairs and other decorative purposes. F this world would get adjusted to something it would be a consider- able relief. Letters to the papers disclose sore spots in many hearts. One has sympathy for some unknown person who writes to the World that parents now spend all their money on education for their offspring and have nothing left with which to ac- quire homes to grow old in. There is something in that, but the concep- tion of homes has changed. A home used to be a place where one lived. It is now a place out of which one issues to make a living. A home that is not in due propinquity to em- ployment and regular payment is not a home that any modern person wants. The reason why education looks to be more in demand than homes just now is that it seems easier to cash in. If one sees persons labelled educated drawing pay without seem- ing to do much work, one’s opinion of education as an investment goes up. But possibly when everything has been sold and collections grow slug- gish, education may be less coveted and homes be reappraised. What first shook the old sentiment that a home was the first thing to get was the motor car. People who could not have both homes and cars pre- ferred cars. Then homes have had to contend against the growing dis- illusion about the value of fixtures. It costs more to run homes and keep them in repair than it used to. The disposition of the rising generation is to be foot-loose. The older gen- eration clings to the tradition that it is not respectable to sleep in the station house, but even the elders prefer nowadays to express their prejudice in favor of settled habita- tions as simply as is reasonably con- sistent with having them. Museums are more and more used for storage, and homes less and less. The great current interest in having things drifts more and more to the expecta- tion that they will make a nice auction. E seem to be slowly grinding along to a careful consideration of how the affairs of this country have been run since the election of Mr. Harding, and what is going to be the effect on American life. So far people have cared for nothing but prosperity and they have had the prosperity. They have had begin- nings of it under Mr. Harding and large helps under Mr. Coolidge. Mr. Harding’s administration was at- tended by more disgraceful incidents than any since the cleaning up after the Civil War. Mr. Coolidge’s has been better, much better, but these questions about cruisers and diri- gibles result from a condition of the world for which the foreign policy or lack of foreign policy of these Re- publican administrations is consider- ably responsible. Another enormous source of evil is the contemporary rum laws fast- ened on the country by legislators too frightened to withstand the de- mands of fanatical reformers and of industrialists. Prohibition seems to have helped prosperity but it has done shocking injury to public char- acter and public order. It is a mess to be cleaned up; difficult and deeply complicated. The sooner we can get to use our voices less about it and our wits more, the better for all hands. E. S. Martin.

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Life — 17 **Beat it! There ain’t goin’ to be no core!”’

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A Glance at the New Models (By LIFE’S Automobile Editor) TROLLING about the Automobile Show, one sees any given number of ‘J cars that are unexcelled for speed, service, roadability and general good fellowship; one also sees any given number that one wouldn't accept as a gift. In the ranks of automotive vehicles on exhibition, the following attract particular attention—particularly because all of them happen to be adver- tised in Lire, and who are we to give publicity to those who don’t pay for it? When you visit the show, don’t fail to inspect the Buick. Look first under the hood—you won't see any- thing; but, remove the burglarproof penthouse and observe the gasco- lator, percolator, dise cultivator and mummy of King Tut’s second wife— all new features. Next, study the body lines and then see if you believe that only Packard can build a Pack- ard, * * * The Cadillac is now accepted as a pretty high-class offering by the General Motors Corporation, who also manufacture the Pontiac, which is manufactured by the General Mo- tors Corporation, who also sponsor Fisher Bodies, which are sponsored by the General Motors Corporation, who also produce the Buick, Chev- rolet, Oakland and G. M. C. trucks, all of | which are Gen- eral Motors Cor- ae poration produc- tions. Ever been all mixed up in the trafic? Try a Chandler, with its “Traffic” gear - shift —and _ see where that THE LAST WORD IN gets you! And when next you climb Pike’s Peak, come down in a Chan- dler; there is an awfully convenient railway which takes you up. * * # Chrysler is theftproof! Have you noticed those little numbers on the instrument board? Well, they jump out and bite the thief on the lip, much to his discomfiture. Don’t try to go thirty miles an hour in a Chrysler 20. There is a 30 for that purpose; and so on up to a hundred, or until you get yourself damn well smashed up. * * It is untrue that Dodge will do without a motor this year, relying in- stead on Clarence Dillon’s personal- ity to make it go. We looked under the hood for the motor only yester- day, and there it was—the cute little thing! * * * The Fisher Bodies exhibit admira- bly reflects their advertising policy. Did you ever see a Fisher Body ad. which actually showed a picture of a Fisher Body? Well, neither does their exhibit. There are views of an elderly financier leaving his office, a snappy couple leaving the theatre and a wife leaving her husband. Ingenious, isn’t it? Or isn’t it? * * * This year’s Franklin is a feature of the show. There it stands, among the automobiles, following almost as closely as ever the body lines of its famous ancestor, the Franklin If you wish to raise a laugh among your friends, get someone to try to unscrew the radiator cap. stove. A CAR. “Allez, Hup!” You will die at the amu of the trained Hupmobile. When the man “Now look distinguished!” its expression i killing thing you ever saw. There is only whose presence the Hup won’t perform. costly Italian Straight Eight. * * * Be sure to let the kiddies see the new mon, “Isn’t—that—darling!” they will ¢ it stands up on its wobbly little chassis “Mar-mar!” Its mother, the handsome ' affectionately. ‘Well, well!” you will refle are times when only a Marmon will do!” * * * Around the Packard are grouped, as usw owners waiting to have you ask them We asked one for a match and he s unpleasantly at us. “How do you Buick?” we then shot at him, and | Served him right—the big snob. * * If, in these days of high ground haven’t space for a house and garif same plot, buy a Pierce-Arrow. Yo build a cozy six-room bungalow 1 Pierce and live comfortably. “It’s achievement in motordom.” Bot 0: hing. quite your stily b YOu the ther you rhes

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fe amuwagigntics mansmeto it, ion i most ynly iar in rm. HBt’s a w far- ill aii, as sis . leats ne " ks it refle here ; usulfiot of em hing. , SCO quite vou M™ your d Id stily. nd you rargim the Yo then y we your ’s tilichest If Looks Could Kill Renault has a novel exhibit. A six-day bicycle race goes on around their longest model. The men start at the radiator and three days later may be seen rounding the tail light. Clever, too, is the radia- tor cap ornament—a tiny French cabinet in which a franc fluctuates up and down to the amusement of all. * * Among those present is the Willys—Red Bird— Black Bottom—Overland—Whippet, which under a lot more names would still make the same funny Persons who purchased Whippets from side- walk vendors were informed at the Over- noises. have Broad Street’s Rating M* PECK—Crystal set. Mr. Magill—One-tube set and a flivver. Mr. Hunter—Six-cylinder car and a mortgage. Mr. Watson—Three children and a mother-in-law. Mr. Pratt—Bungalow, lawnmower and accessories. Miss Crabb—Four cats, high board fence and an unknown amount of first mortgage bonds. Mr. Briggs—Four-tube set and an eight-cylinder car. Mr. Bickers— Eight-tube set, twelve- cylindercarand a valet. Mr. Snyder — Four servants, three cars land booth that they could not expect free service on busted mainsprings. A. M.S., Jr. OME people are always taking the joy out of life, and Congress is almost s entirely composed of them. =9, ? “Isn’T IT DANGEROUS TO GO SO FAST! - “I sHOULD say NoT! LAST INSTALMENT ON this Bus!’ and two divorces. Bill Sykes. No Regrets : UNT MARY: When I was your age I didn’t carry on with the boys the way you do. “Well, Aunty, you didn’t miss much!” I'VE PAID MY

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20 Owing to the time it takes to print Lire, readers should verify from the daily newspapers the More or Less Serious An American Tragedy. Longacre—Heavy- handed opery-house stuff, trying to act sexy. Beyond the Horizon. Bijou—Not quite so impressive as it was, owing to (see opposite). The Bottom of the Cup. May/fair—To be reviewed later. Caponsacchi. Hampden's—-Walter Hampden in*something romantic and slightly tiresome. The Captive. /impire—A fine play dealing with sex pathology which may mystify the more sheltered but can not possibly offend them. Chicago. Music Box—With Francine Larri- more. To be reviewed next week. Civic Repertory Theatre. Fourteenth St.—Eva LeGallienne in a worthy venture. Search papers feverishly for this week's offering. The Constant Nymph. Selwyn—A surprising amount of the spirit of the novel caught and produced with varying degrees of effectiveness. We cried at it. The Dybbuk. Neighhorhood—This alternates with ‘‘The Little Clay Cart’ and several others, and we refuse to make any attempt to tell you which is going on this week. Whatever it is, it is likely to be good. In Abraham’s Bosom. reviewed later. AY Provincetown—To be continuance of the attractions at the theatres mentioned. _ The Ladder. Waldorf—A great deal of money is being spent on this which could much better be used. in a certain household we know of. A few minutes with the producer and we might convince him. Lulu Belle. Belasco—It's almost a year now since Lenore Ulric began showing how far a colored girl can go when she tries. _ Moscow Theatre Habima. Mansfield—Russians in Hebrew repertory. Interesting for a while. Ned McCobb’s Daughter. John Golden—A thoroughly interesting play about New England bootlegging and sich, with Clare Eames, Alfred Lunt and the customary good cast. The Noose. Hudson—Fairly conventional melodrama with a good performance by Rex Cherryman. Sex. Daly’s—A seventy-five-cent taxi ride. The Squall. Forty-Eighth St.—Even the Span- ish have to contend with bad native girls. Is no man safe? The Trumpet Shall Sound. tory—Reviewed in this issue. What Never Dies. Lyceum—With E. H. Sothern. To be reviewed next week. The Wooden Kimono. Martin Beck—To be reviewed next week. Yellow. National—Type-B melodrama. American Labora- | i t s MY Yi Ys j THE ROMANCE OF A TRAFFIC COP’S DAUGHTER. Comedy and Things Like That Abie’s Irish Rose. Republic~-Sometimes we wonder if there really is any Directing Force at the back of the universe at all or if everything is just Chaos. Broadway. Broadhurst—A perfect example of a well-made, smartly directed melodrama. The Constant Wife. Maxine Elliott’s—What is meant by “high comedy,"’ with Ethel Barrymore showing us. Daisy Mayme. Playhouse—A characterization which ts almost cruelly good. The Devil in the Cheese. Charles Hopkins—To be reviewed later. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Times Square— The book to the life, with June Walker and Edna Hibbard as the two Rollo girls. The Honor of the Family. {n this issue. Howdy King! Morosco—Produced by the pro- ducer of ‘“‘Abie’s Irish Rose.’’ We refuse to com- mit ourself on advice of counsel. The Little Spitfire. Cort—Certainly not. Mozart. Forty-Sixth St.—The Guitrys. reviewed next week. On Approval. Gaiety—Good entertainment, with Wallace Eddinger and able associates. The Padre. Rits—To be reviewed next week. The Play’s the Thing. Henry Miller's eioosk: Blinn in a light but at times hilarious arce. Pygmalion. Guild—Lynn Fontanne in the old haw favorite. This Woman Business. Wallack's—A pleasant evening for the not-too-critical. Genevieve Tobin and O. P. Heggie. Two Girls Wanted. Littlh—No harm done. We Americans. EFitinge—The affairs of East Side citizens made into a good show, well done. Booth—Reviewed To be Eye and Ear Entertainment Americana. Belmoni—At least, different. Betsy. New Amsterdam—With Jimmy Hussey and Belle Baker. To be reviewed later. Castles in the Air. Century—The regulation thing, a bit better done than most. Bernard Granville and Myrtle Schaaf. Countess Maritza. Shuberi—A dressy Vienna score, with production to match. Yvonne D’Arle, Walter Woolf and George Hassell. Criss-Cross. Globe—Well, it’s Fred Stone. What more do you want to know? The Desert Song. Casino—Vivienne Segal and Eddie Buzzell in something considerably above the average. Gay Paree. Winter Garden—Chic Sale sur- rounded by a big show with now and then a French touch. Honeymoon Lane. Knickerbocker—Good, fair- to-middling entertainment, with extra dancing and Eddie Dowling. Iolanthe. Plymouth—Thursday nights only, but worth waiting over for. Katja. Forty-Fourth St.—High-class but fairly dull. The Lace Petticoat. Forresi—To be reviewed ater. The Nightingale. Jolson—With Eleanor Painter. To be reviewed later. Oh, Kay! Imperial—Gertrude Lawrence, Vic- tor Moore and Oscar Shaw in a show which has class if nothing else. Oh, Please! Fulton—Reviewed in this issue. Peggy Ann. Vanderbili—With Helen Ford. To be reviewed later. Piggy. Royale—With Sam Bernard. To be reviewed later. The Pirates of Penzance. Pl ymouth—Winthrop Ames’ second great gift to Gilbert and Sullivan lovers. ‘“‘Iolanthe’’ on Thursday nights. Queen High. Ambassador—Still holding its own as a good all-around show, with Luella Gear, Frank McIntyre and Charles Ruggles. The Ramblers. yric—Clark and McCullough with a big show in which to do their excellent stuff. Scandals of 1926. A pollo—The one big revue in town, thanks to Mr. George White. Twinkle-Twinkle. Liberty—Fair. Vanities of 1927. Earl Carroll—A new edition, with several Charlot stars and Julius Tannen. Also Moran and Mack. To be reviewed later. . one up. It that Hor yet, Old som ask be Ci like his | oi t on 1 swil seen who Hor seen ner up prec pres vent ing pe ct S! had beer feed tion in “ I Stag

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After All, Old Plays Are Worst F ever you get a longing for the good old plays they ] used to put on when you wore collars that came close together in front, just drop in and see a revival of one of them. It may depress you, but it will shut you up. t can’t be entirely an advance in dramatic technique that makes the old favorites seem hollow. “Beyond the Horizon” and “Pygmalion” certainly aren’t old-fashioned yet, and even they suffer slightly from the Blight of the Old Plays. And “The Honor of the Family” is like something you might see at a Lambs’ Gambol. If you ask us (and hearing nothing, we will ask ourself), it is because, after a play has been copied innumerable times like “Beyond the Horizon,” or after an author has stated his case innumerable times like Shaw, a mere repetition of the original formula becomes an automatic burlesque on itself, \T EITHER of these alibis applies to “The Honor of 4‘ the Family.” It must have been a burlesque when it was written. Or perhaps Otis Skinner has been swinging it along on the tip of his walking-stick all these years. At any rate, as revived to-day, from its opening scene of stark naked exposition about “Moosier Rouget, who is, as you know, a friend of Moosier Whosis,” “The Honor of the Family” makes “The Judge’s Husband” seem like the work of a necromancer. True, Mr. Skin- ner is there with his dynamic presence, and this makes up for a great deal, but the aroma of mothballs is still predominant. This effect is not lessened any by the presence of several very red comedy noses and one zentleman who becomes interested to the point of execut- ing a minuet in front of what he meticulously designates as “that pick-tschure” hanging on the wall. We sus- pect that J. Rankin Towse directed the performance. “TILL, if we had never had this old school of acting, \“ we should never have had Beatrice Lillie, and if we had never had Beatrice Lillie we might better never have been born. For it is upon this meat that Miss Lillie feeds, taking all the old lines and gestures and intona- tions and turning them into solid gold clowning. And in “Oh, Please!” she has plenty of nourishment. If for no other reason, Miss Lillie should go down in stage history as the only human (if, indeed, she is human) 21 who ever made an Anne Caldwell book funny. Con- fronted by one of the toughest jobs that ever a comedian had (a Caldwell adaptation of a French farce—a de- pressing combination on the face of it), she has kidded the thing into a hilarious entertainment which is all the better for its banal beginnings. Perhaps, after all, it is wise to give her a bad book, for bad lines are her dish. Here she is nothing short of magnificent—and, incidentally, quite beautiful. This last is only fair exchange, however. Miss Lawrence has come to town in “Oh, Kay!” to do a bit of clowning. Miss Lillie should be allowed her sex-appeal. ND, speaking of tough jobs, we could want no tougher one than the assignment of being a come- dienne in the same company with Beatrice Lillie. Yet Helen Broderick, in a scene played with Charles Win- ninger, makes herself a very definite contribution to the comedy of the season. With so few funny women on the stage, “Oh, Please!” would seem to have more than its share. Mr. Winninger, while always an agreeable person to have around, has even less to work with than the rest and is forced back to the old trombone which at least gives him a chance. As for the score, it is pleasant, but Mr. Youmans, like Mr. Gershwin in “Oh, Kay!” seems to have been takin it easy this season. a (CONSIDERING that in the American Laboratory Theatre the audience is not only in each other's laps but in the laps of the actors as well, “The Trumpet Shall Sound” manages to be comparatively effective. We do not mean by this that we were so worked up by the performance that we went home and trembled all night, but we did get some illusion of reality, which is more than we get out of most of these seven-month theatres. And above all, several of the actors gave promise of their being good enough some day really to act in a commercial theatre in a nasty old commercial success. And that certainly establishes a record for little art groups. Maybe we said just the wrong thing about there being an illusion of reality. Wouldn't it be tough if that was just what they were trying to avoid! Robert Benchley.

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AM coming a little late to “The Sun Also Rises,” by Ernest Hem- ingway (Scribner), concerning which my curiosity has been aroused by the fact that it has received more consistent notices than almost any recent work of fiction. The title put me off it, in the first place, and I was not especially encouraged to learn that it dealt with that group of English and American expatriates who frequent the Quarter in Paris, for I happen to have been at the Rotonde and seen a few of them. However, I am now willing to sub- scribe to the general verdict that Mr. Hemingway has done a fair piece of work, if you can stand for his material. Those who do not like to encounter in a novel’s pages indi- viduals whom they would never think of inviting to dinner are warned to lay off. The leading lady, although very lovely, both a drunkard and a nymphomaniac, and the author is never quite certain as to what she is going to say or do. Modern, of course, is hardly the word. Gertrude Stein, in a moment of lucid conversation, once referred to the set pictured in “The Sun Also is Rises” as “a lost generation,’ and the epithet is an apt one. How casually, for instance, young Amer- icans in Paris slide into phraseology and psychology of which the mere contemplation ten years before in Kansas City would have caused their very hair to stand on end. And what a time Mr. Hemingway must have explaining his book to the old folks at home, if any! They say that all the characters in “The Sun Also Rises” are taken from life and may be easily identi- fied by those who know the Paris group. The best patches of writing, and almost by that same token the least interesting, are those descrip- tive of the excursion into Spain. There is no moral attached, but after finishing the book, I evolved some- thing like this all by myself: Un- conventional people probably get that way because they cannot act otherwise without being dull. O-MORROW MORNING,” by Anne Parrish (Harper), is so much of a disappointment that those who take such matters seriously will be justified in bursting softly into tears. The red band around the out- side says that it is as great a novel of the American family “The Perennial Bachelor,” but you mustn't believe anything of the kind. It is a mother-and-son novel, to be sure, but the principals are ordinary small- town types without sufficient distinc- tion to make them interesting as ma- terial forcopy. Kate Green is a woman who sincerely _ be- lieved that she gave up a ¢ca- reer as a paint- er in order to marry the man she loved, and was just as wrong about it as are sO many women who make their families mis- rable for years by cher- ishing the same illusion. Kate didn’t make any- body miserable about it. In fact, after Joe Green died -just three or four jumps ahead of something simi- lar to a penitentiary sentence, she went bravely to work and did “hand- painted” knickknacks in order to eke out the slender income on which she and her boy had to live. About young Jodie there was nothing re- markable save that he persuaded young woman of the beau monde to marry him, and her ultimate deser- tion of him, however hard on him, (Continued on page 33) as INTRUDE, Hard Hit ZOU hit me in the eye! I might have guessed That you would make me cry, If too hard-pressed. And yet I loved you so, Each morn I fussed; My spooning riled you, though— And hence, this thrust. I burn to follow suit, Defeat is bitter; Say, for a mere grape-fruit, You're some straight hitter ! Sally Hager. Considerate Rear Driver: HERMAN, DEAR, I DON’T WISsII TO BUT I THINK WE HAVE A FLAT TIRE. Window JATCHES, $1, with unbreak- able crystals...shaving cream .aluminum shoe _trees...taleum powder...chewing gum, mints, candy bars...safety razors, safety razor blades...clocks, one day... witch hazel, special. ..hair clippers, anybody can use them... pocket flasks, glass-lined...fountain pens, very special...this and that, that and this... Yes—it’s a cigar store! W. G. H. A STOCK MODEL er eee ED Sate a re Nis nia sian Mima And And May May May May Wh Fat Dai HIM ‘6 OL POS

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Life Assorted Curses ! OW a curse on the pests of the highway that drive N better men acerb! A murrain on her who constantly parks at least three feet from the curb! And another on him who turns a corner without ex- tending his hand! = b And may she who stalls in a ferry line get a cop’s stern reprimand ! , May they run out of gas on a desert ten miles from a ; filling pump! May they drop the plug in the bucket when draining the " crankease sump! May the coldest morning of winter find their batteries out of juice! May filings scratch their cylinder walls and their cotter "pins all work loose! Aye, a curse on these pests of the highway—the Curse ; of the Blown Out Tire, The Curse of the Shorted Spark Plug and the Curse of the Hubdeep Mire! But a blacker curse and a bitterer curse on the unre- generate pill Who won't pull in, though I honk and honk, to let me pass on a hill! And the blackest and bitterest Curse of all (though I don’t know what it may be, Yet it’s not too bitter and not too black for him and To such as he) Descend on the head of the blatant, purse-proud, loud and glittering ass Who honks and honks for me to pull out on a hill to let him pass! Baron Ireland. k- im 1 m | F you like s, music, tune ty | in on Chicago . some night and hear the singing Little Girl (entertaining her small friend): anv Tuts Is ~ | bullets. OUR TIGER. UNCLE RAN OVER IT IN AFRICA. e : | Ford Chassis No. B1378X a satisfied with my car; it has given excellent service for over two months; and I only hope that other Ford owners can say as much.” Chassis No. B1378X was sold to King George V in April, 1925. Sub- sequently it became the property of the Birmingham Old Junk Company, who traded it to the Indians for $12 and a string of beads. Mr. Dahant bought it at a rummage sale in June of that year. A SPECIAL Ford representative | *«* calls every two or three years at each Ford owner’s home and in- vestigates the welfare of the car, thus checking up on every automobile that leaves the factory. Ford Chassis No. B1378X, in the possession of Mr. Alfred M. Dahant, of Schenectady, N. Y., has cost its owner but $630 in repair bills since 1925. “I cannot seem to wear it out,” writes Mr. Dahant. “I have ne 7 4 ~A : Father: way poN’? YoU DANCE WITH run it over cliffs; I have hacked at it Don't sell your Ford! N.R.J. YOUNG PERKINS? with an axe; I have tried to give it . Daughter: 1 WOULDN’? DANCE WITH away; but good old No. B1378X, as Epoch-Making HIM IF HE WERE WORTH A MILLION. [ call it, is still knocking away as )\AIDTOWN: What's all the ex- 33 “HE IS. ‘OH, WELL—INTRODUCE ME. I SUP- POsE somebody’s GOT TO DANCE WITH THE POOR MAN.” well as it ever did. This chassis has outworn three engines: one of them I threw away; the other two were lost in the Chicago fire. I am fully 4 citement down the street? Uprerwest: Ye Olde Brassiére Shoppe is having its first Anni- versary Sale.

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24 Life ae pat : wol hap wit] that gin. of s gues mini abou turie "| C] narrt “] I hay men tical] —on gene} the o —wh not s the b anal a a aS. \ Revolt of the Pedestrians u THI

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Meetings in Heaven Gentlemen Prefer—? BEAUTIFUL young woman f% with a mass of golden hair was walking down a street in Heaven, BS cmiling gaily to herself. Musing as she walked, she failed to notice the approach of a lan- guorous, ebon-tressed damsel with a scarab at her breast. fF “Well, if it isn’t Helen of Troy!” exclaimed she of the dark locks. The blonde beauty looked up. “Cleo!” she cried. “Put your asp away and I'll kiss you.” , The asp was put back in Cleo* patra’s vanity case and the two F women embraced. “What was making you smile so happily?” asked Cleopatra. “Was I smiling happily?” “By Isis, you looked as satisfied with yourself as a sacred crocodile that has just dined off a sacred vir- gin.” “You do use the loveliest figures of speech,” said Helen. “Well, I guess | was smiling. I heard a few minutes ago that all Earth is talking about something I’ve known for cen- turies and centuries.” “And what’s that?” “That gentlemen prefer blondes.” Cleopatra snorted and her eyes narrowed. “Is that so?” she hissed. ‘Well, I happen to know a couple of gentle- men—of course,” she added, sarcas- tically, “they didn’t amount to much —one of them was only the greatest general the world has ever seen and the other was a soldier and an orator —who preferred a certain brunette not so many miles from here to all the blondes in the world.” ’ “AND PUT MING INSIDE THE CAR WHILE I’M SHOPPING—HE MIGHT BE COLD.” Helen smiled sweetly. ‘“‘My dear, if there aren’t any blondes around, of course gentlemen will take bru- nettes.”” “No blondes around!” cried Cleo. “My .ourt was just cluttered with blonde slaves!” Helen sniffed. “Slaves,” she mur- mured, scornfully. “Isn’t compet- ing with a slave what you might call shadow-boxing?” Cleopatra saw that she had made a break and became angry. “A wise-crack is always the de- fense of a lady that knows she’s beaten,” she said. “Don’t lose your temper, dear,” murmured the Grecian queen; “you get so red in the face, and then you look your age.” At this point Queen Elizabeth hove into sight. “Girls, girls,” she said mincingly, “why these angry shouts?” They explained. A chill glitter THE MOVIE QUEEN DESIGNS A CAR THAT WILL EXPRESS HER PERSONALITY. came into the queen’s green eyes. “I was always under the impression,” she said, coldly, “that gentlemen pre- ferred to see red. I may be wrong, perhaps, as I have only my personal observation to go by.” Words were extremely plentiful after that. Nor was the situation helped by the entrance of Du Barry with her white powdered hair. When destruction to life and limb seemed imminent, Lilith, that con- summation of all women, strolled by. “You darlings,” she said. “How naive you all are. The fact of the matter is, my sweets, that men never even notice the color of our hair!” Bertram Bloch. Two Popular Magazine Editors in the Front Row Discuss an Actress “TANTHRALLING!” ~ “Poignant lure!” “Wonder girl!” “The sweetheart of my dreams!” “Holds millions spellbound !” “A woman who has drunk deeply of life, and suffered !” “Husband or lover—which she choose?” “I can never forget this throbbing drama of misguided love!” “You're right; she’s a classy actor. Say, let’s get out for a little smoke.” W. W. Scott. will Post-Prandial Reflection ByAc# and every orator, In each and every speech, Always puts an “every” With each and every “each.”

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“The Fire Brigade’ , CRITIC should never make any admissions which will injure his standing as a disillusioned, worldly cynic, in whom no purely emotional enthusiasms are allowed to exist; nevertheless, I’m compelled to say that I broke down and sobbed con- vulsively when, at the end of “The Fire Brigade,” an old, horse-drawn fire engine went charging forth to do battle with the flames that were en- veloping the orphan asylum. It seems to me that this is the greatest single thrill that the screen has ever yielded. It may be de- scribed as ridiculously sentimental and shamefully juvenile, but the vio- lence of its effect can not be denied —not in my presence, at any rate. “The Fire Brigade” is a singularly fine picture—straightforward, true, exciting and commendably elemen- tary. It deals with a subject which is definitely associated, in every mind, with childish hopes, ambitions and romantic imaginings; its appeal, therefore, is to basic and uncompli- cated emotions. Its simple senti- mentality, its very juvenility, in- crease its effective truthfulness. The director, William Nigh, has done an amazingly skilful and im- aginative job with “The Fire Bri- gade.” Aside from one absurd bal masque episode—dragged in for practically no reason whatever- Recent The Winning of Barbara Worth. Beautiful photography, good work by Ronald Colman, and a Harold Bell Wright story. Faust. Emil Jannings as Mephisto in a visually effective but over-operatic ren- dition of the famous drama. Old Ironsides. Another James Cruze epic, containing many stirring views of America’s most famous warship. The Great Gatsby. An unsuccessful attempt to be naughty and, at the same time, nice. What Price Glory. Victor McLaglen assumes heroic proportions in a great war picture, directed by Raoul Walsh. The Flaming Forest. You can have y) the ( fA) /S every scene in the picture has the flavor of convincing reality. The pictures of the fire apparatus tearing through the crowded streets, of the interior of the fire station and the firemen’s homes are all essentially, indisputably honest. The cast includes splendid per- formances by Eugenie Besserer, Warner Richmond, Tom O’Brien, Bert Woodruff and Charles Ray. LMOST all small boys nourish the none too secret ambition to be firemen when they grow up, but few fulfil this worthy destiny. Many of them turn out vice-presidents of the Guaranty Trust Co.; others, offivial sales representatives in the northern Michigan territory for the My Lady Dainty Paper Towel Corp., and still others, motion picture critics. All such who see “The Fire Bri- gade” will realize that their first impulses were right, and will wish they had the opportunity to go back and start all over again. “Tell It to the Marines” FTER “Tell It to the Marines,” there can be no further doubt of the fact that Lon Chaney is an ex- traordinary actor. In this picture, he casts aside his make-up box of tricks and appears as a Sergeant of Marines. Furthermore, he walks, salutes and gestures precisely like g J that 5 It is f an uncannily perfect characteriza- man who has been doing steadily for twenty-five years. tion. “Tell It to the Marines” is prac- tically an uninterrupted duologue be- tween Mr. Chaney and the competent William Haines. A rather tepid love story is injected at intervals, with a general rattle of musketry at the end, but all the interest is concen- trated in these two characters—the rugged sergeant and an excessively raw recruit. The Marines in this film are very much more lady-like than the leathernecks in “What Price Glory.” In one scene, the recruit takes his girl friend out to supper at a road- house and the audience is assured (by means of a close-up) that he drinks nothing more alarming than Pale Dry Ginger Ale. This last touch was inserted, no doubt, in def- erence to Gen. Smedley D. Butler, who aided in the preparation of “Tell It to the Marines.” BS ll obs GA AM With two such upstanding Gala- hads as Gen. Butler and Gene Tun- ney as models of conduct, the Marine Corps must have changed materially since the bad old days when Capt. Flagg and Sergeant Quirt exchanged compliments across the bar at Cognac Pete’s place. R. E. Sherwood. this, with “The Ice Flood” thrown in, for all I care. Upstage. Some interesting direction by Monta Bell, and a good performance by Norma Shearer. We’re in the Navy Now. Beery and Raymond Hatton with the gags they started in the Front.” The Sorrows of Satan. Some of it is marvelous, and some of it. . . Tin Hats. Just one war comedy too many. Bardelys the Magnificent. One of those rollicking Sabatini affairs, with John Gilbert giving an effective imper- sonation of Douglas Fairbanks. The Canadian. Thomas Meighan in Wallace going on “Behind Developments the wheat fields—and just the least bit dull, too. The Better ’Ole. the British lines, Old Bill. The Temptress. Greta Garbo read the review of this picture in Lire and promptly struck for more pay. Horse-play betiind with Syd Chaplin as Don Juan. Acrobatic necking in a Renaissance setting. Potemkin. George Jean Nathan has endorsed this, making one more person with whom I shall have to argue. : Ben-Hur. Ramon Novarro as one of the earliest disciples of Brucebartonism. Beau Geste, The Scarlet Letter, The Strong Man and The Big Parade. Still on the “must” list. Stas. asouin 4 | > ed

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| | [= CaprLLac’s program of 50 Body Styles and Types in 500 Color and Upholstery Combinations was the first genuinely new note in motor carsin five years. It made the motor car once again a thing of personal pride and individual distinction. But color and body variety are not the only new and finer elements in NEW 9 0 All eyes are focusing on the great new CADILLAC Priced from $2995 upward, f. 0. b. Detroit DECREE CAD | DIVISION OF GENERAL this new Cadillac. In every per- formance detail; in speed and power; in value and dependability it surpasses any former Cadillac. Proof of this is found in the fact that the demand for the new 9o- degree, eight-cylinder Cadillac is far greater than that of all other cars at its price, or over, put together. LAC MOTORS CORPORATION

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28 Life want to know to zet a better Shave N the last analysis this shaving business all gets down to soap, water and a brush. Why lather softens your beard isn't half so interesting as a quick shave and a cool, comfortable face afterward. Fougere Royale (Royal Fern) Shaving cream is a natural beard softener, thoroughly neutralized. It never leaves a soapy after-shaving odor. Delightful to use and beneficial to the skin. Made to soften wiry beards but works just as well on tame ones. Try Fougere Royale Shaving Cream today in the economical 50¢ tube at druggists or send a dime and the coupon below for ten of these better shaves. ugere oyale Shaving Cream Pronounced Foo-Zhaire Royal Shaving Cream, 50c, Shaving Stick, 75c; Talcum, $1.00; Eau Vegetale, $1.25; Facial Soap, 50c.. = HOUBIGANT, Inc. Dept. L6 539 West 45th Street, New York City I want to try Fougere Royale Shaving Cream. Here is my dime. Name Address Mrs. Pep’s Diary (Continued from page 14) Nor would I satisfy Lyd, neither, by any inquiries as to the current object of her affections, having nought to remark in the matter be- yond a subtle insinuation that if her grandfather had another stroke it would probably be fatal. So we did concern ourselves chiefly with com- monplaces, Lydia concealing well her inevitable chagrin at having in- vited me, and the most profitable outcome of our discourse was the agreement that to order salad at a publick is a triumph of hope over experience. December Fdith Banning _ to luncheon, very doleful 22nd because Bobby has been dropped from his school, and for- asmuch as the child is by no means stupid, I did hearten her con- siderably by setting her at the head- master with inquiries as to what he can be thinking when he accepts a tremendous tuitional sum and then falls down on his part of the con- tract, and, apropos of the letters which he has been writing about Bobby to the Bannings, how he would take it if he had paid a law- yer a large retainer, and then be solicited by the lawyer as to how legal business should be conducted. The main fault with these secondary schools, methinks, is that they are manned at starvation wages by unin- spirational instructors, the latter be- ing chosen largely for the fact that they were graduated magna laude in their subjects, and as Sam says, You know what kind of bird it usually is that heads the class in Latin. It does seem a pity that pedagogy is the least remunerative profession, when it should be one of the best, and were its profits more considerable, I am confident that more young men of suitable calibre would embark upon it, for surely not every college graduate does want to be a bootlegger or a bond salesman. Edith greatly set up by discourse to the foregoing effect, until she was almost able to go over to her dress- maker’s and plan for a new evening gown, asking me if I thought the woman would deem her demented if she took in a magazine cut of Irene Castle to aid in her explanation of what she wanted, to which I did tact- fully reply in the negative. Baird Leonard. Slightly Misunderstood PTIMIST: I like to see a broad smile, don’t you? Frienp: If she does it at me— yes. cum When YOU DONT GO When Canfield was something more than a game of solitaire, when Annie Roonie was a a wm song on the Bowery, many a gay New 0 rker saw the sun come up before he rolled up the Avenue behind old Dobbin. For 82 | the Hurley boys with a glass of Tarrant’s Selt- ears New Yorkers have chased away | zer-Aperient on the mornings after the nights | before. It clears the head promptly ahd puts one in the mood for his grapefruit. | Tarrant’s is a marvelous saline that you drink | like mineral water. It is pleasant to the taste and brings almost immediate relief. Since 1844 doctors have prescribed Tarrant's forindigestion, constipation, headache, dyspep- sia and rheumatism. 154,627 physicians’ letters in our files testify to its effectiveness. A little of this perfect blend of basic salts and other harmless in makes a wonderful drink. Get a bottle of time-tested, time-proved Tarrant’s from your dients in a.glass of water gist today. ake a it a regular morning ae Just ask for Tarrant’s. FIRST THING IN THE MORNING TARRANTS SELTZER APERIENT ask FOR 3 bd TAR RANTS IRST OIL MAGNATE: ness is terrible! Seconp Om MaGnate: You said it. Let’s go out and save the country from another Japanese war. Busi- ’ ~ Clark’s Famous Cruises By Cunarb-ANcHOoR new oil burners at rates including hotels, guides, drives and fees. 62 days, $600 to $1700 MEDITERRANEAN s s “Transylvania” sailing Jan. 29 23rd cruise, including Madeira, Lisbon, Spain (Madrid—Cordova—Granada), Al- giers, Tunis, Carthage, Athens, Constanti- nople, 15 days Palestine and Egypt, Italy, the Riviera. Europe stop-overs. 7th Round the World Cruise Jan. 19, N. Y.; Feb. 5, from Los Angeles; $1250 up. 3rd Norway-Mediterranean Cruise July 2; 52 days, $600 to $1300. FRANK C. CLARK, Times Bidg., N. Y.

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nniversary ranklin, ‘this great car is the climax of the Franklin policy of always keeping ahead ON VIEW AT ALL DEALERSHIPS. Now offered at the most favorable price in Franklin history, with a special 25th Anniversary Easy Ownership Plan also available. FRAN KL FULLY EQUIPPEDF.O.B.SYRACUSE,N.Y. COUPE NOW %$2490—SEDAN NOW $2790 OTHER TYPES IN PROPORTION

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“DRIVER—THE GARE DU NORD—AND HURRY! I'LL DOUBLE YOUR TIP.” a ee “RIGHT YOU ARE, SIR. YOU WATCH US TRAVEL.” “wHaT! six sous? 1s that YOUR DOUBLE TIP?” « 9, Bs Ruby o ““CERTAINLY, MY FRIEND. GIVE ONLY oe I USUALLY THREE.” The Literal-minded Fare “How do you tune these jazz instru- ments ?” “You don’t.” Louisville Courier Journal. “yp WALK A MILE FOR YOU, DEARIE.” —Ohio State Sun Dial. —Le Rire (Paris). Aid in Preaching Two colored men down in southern Indiana were bewailing the hard times being felt in the agricultural district there. “Times is tighter than I ever seen them before,” said one. “I can’t even get hold of a nickel! If something don't turn up I’m going to start preach- ing. I done that once and I ain’t too good to do it again.” Indianapolis News. Declined “McDonat, will ye not have a ciga- rette?” “Thank ye, no. I never smoke wi’ gloves on. I canna stand the smell of burning leather.’—Harvard Lampoon. “I pon’? like it,” said the prospective tenant in Chicago. “No conveniences— not even built-in window-ledge pivots for machine guns.”—Columbia State. “Jane, it’s eleven o'clock. Please tell that young man to shut the front door from the outside.”—-Red Cat. To an Orange In days gone by we thought you rather vulgar, Playing a humble—tho’ not hidden—part, The darling of the undiscerning many, Sold from a stall (at two or three a penny) Or coster’s cart. And yet at times, caught by your golden beauty, One wondered—“Was't perchance such fruits as these That tempted Atalanta’s feet to dally, Or burned among the boughs in some bright alley Of the Hesperides?” But all things change, and you are scorned no longer, But honored, sought, acclaimed on pic- tured page; No more your lovers are apologetic; To be concerned with matters dietetic Is all the rage. And now you yield to neither pines nor peaches, To muscats pale, nor delicate nectarines, But cheerfully adorn the proudest table, Since yours it is to bear the glorious label “Richest in Vitamines !” —Rose Fyleman, in The Spectator. Off They Come! A PaRTICULARLY stout lady, attired in very tight riding attire, was taking her morning canter in the Row, accompanied by her husband. Suddenly a button, un- able to withstand the excessive pressure, flew off the lady’s coat. “Dear, dear,” said the wearer fretfully. “What makes these buttons come off?” “Ahem...force of habit, my dear,” murmured her escort. —Sporting and Dramatic News. More Coolidge Economy Ir the President has been reading any of the college novels that have been published in the last few years, he is exercising remarkable restraint in assign- ing only one Secret Service man to guard his son at Amherst. New York Herald Tribune. ANTRACHITES “SURELY IT’S GOING TO GO DOWN.” “coat?” “~O—THE TEMPERATURE.” —Le Canard Enchainé (Paris). 7 pret Fs Jo th ot lio th th ge hu

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31

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This is ‘Uncle ‘ In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE Requiring Two More Bottles “Din that patent medicine you bought cure your aunt?” “Mercy, no! On reading the circular | that was wrapped around the bottle she y got two more diseases.” —Boston Transcript. NAPOLEON Tirexe is always a suspicion that some- TIME

The Visiting Doctor: I WAS HERE YOU sponsible. Mrs. Brown had returned in triumph with a massive brass name plate with an inscription on it. Mr. Brown pressed hard for an ex- planation. “Well, dear, it was such a bargain,” she urged. “But what on earth can you use it for?” Mrs. Brown stuck to her guns. “You can never say anything may not be very useful some day,” she said firmly. “Sup- posing our daughter man named Ernest dentist, how valuable it will be to have the name plate ready.”—London Daily News. marries a Jones, who is a Glass Ginger Ale with tablespoontul Abbott's Bitters delightful tonic and palatable. Sample Bitters by mail 25 cts. in stamps. C. W. Abbott & Co.. Baltimore, Md The Inmate; saLute mE! 1 The Spender AM LOUIS “Why do you never trust your wife BONAPARTE OF FRANCE! with anv monev?” WHY, THE LAST -— - ; : = : “She hé ale “ ance. ween autont, he has no sales resistance

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32 Life Commercial Candor (From the Houston Chronicle) 1925 HUDSON COACH New paint, trunk, bumpers, seat covers. This car won’t last long— $875. Terms—No Brokerage. A. C. Burton & Co. 1400 Main. Preston 222. HERE’S one consolation for Har- vard graduates: they don't have to stay awake nights worrying about the number of first string Princeton football players who will be eligible for the team this year. ea! ° Artie's getting on in the big city Being up to the minute in the ways of the world, Artie knew, was the secretof making the big town his oyster. So he got ahead. He cast away old-fashioned een the slipping, temper-raising, raiment-spoil- ing squeezer that wrung juice from citrus fruits with such reluctant awkwardness. Artie signed on the dotted line and got himself a Seald-Sweet Juice Extractor. So he is getting on in the big city. Without fuss or mess, without casualties, the sparkling nectar cataracts into a glass. With a simple turn of the hand a Seald- Sweet Extractor robs a plump Florida pam or orange of its juice. . . all is ready for the tall frosty glass. What drinks! How wonderfully the juices of Seald-Sweet grapefruit or oranges blend with other beverages. Enticing, pi- quant and refreshing enough to capture Loreli Lee. Serve up refreshing drinks this modern way—the only way to keep up with the demand. Sign on the dotted line, today. And remember, there's one-quarter more juice in Florida Seald-Sweet fruit. The Seald-Sweet Extractor gets all the luscious juice from each Scald- Sweet orange or grapefruit. Its re ular price is $;.co—postage grepall, $3.25 West of the Rockies. We will send it to you for $1.50 and 36 Seald- Sweet orange or grapefruit wrappers. Check & mail the coupon The Florida Citrus Exchange 1003 Citrus Exchange Bl Tampa, Florida My check here i b My check here is for one Seald C] for one Seald- Sweet Juice Extractor. Sweet Juice Extractor. $3.00—$3.25 $1.50 and 36 Seald- Sweet orange or grape- fruit wrappers enclosed Name. Address. Rhymed Reviews The Orphan Angel By Elinor Wylie. Alfred A. Knopf H's bark was wrecked waves ran high; Yet Shelley wasn’t really lost on The raging sea, but rescued by A Yankee ship and brought to Boston. when With David Butternut, in looks And deeds a masculine two-fister, He marched to rescue “Silver Crooks,” A late-lamented shipmate’s sister. They didn’t really know her name, Her residence, her place nor sta- tion; They went to find her just the same Through slowly gathered infor- mation. And Shelley kept his princely a The sudden trick of going ies ra The women loved him everywhere. The name he traveled on was “Shiloh.” But he and David bravely strode Through forests dark and marshes mucky ; By peaceful river, trail and road They made their way to old Ken- tucky. They crossed new deserts, plains and streams And, after sufferings horrific, Beheld the maiden of their dreams Beside the ultimate Pacific. Still, Shelley wouldn’t stay and take The gentle Miss La Croix’s de- votion ; He vanished like a garter snake— Eloped to China, I've a notion. Just think of climbing all the shelves And getting neither jam nor jelly! His work aside, between ourselves, I never did think much of Shelley. Arthur Guiterman. Now for the Armistice (CF ‘NE: Bob and May quarreled so much while they were en- gaged that they decided the only way they could stop it was to get married. JEAN: I see. A war to end wars. VERY American is interested in some kind of game,” the European visitor observed. “One can always safely begin a conversa- tion by asking, ‘What was the score?’ ” icy! Makes a $150 Drawing ina Few Hours! —and now teaches you his original methods in a series of 20 snappy lessons — brimfu! with sparkling interest from the very start — a de- parture from the purely conventional. This training consti- tutes the last word in Humorous Illustration, teaching a New Art for a New Age—a pleasant relief from the old style, standardized instruction. Learn to draw the dashing, peppy types that are all the rage as exemplified by Mr. Patter- son’s numerous contributions to maga- zines. Let him teach you his clever technique. What profession could com- pare with this in its irresistible appeal or sheer earning power? Write now for full information. Russell Patterson School of Humorous Illustration Michigan Ave. at 20th St., Dept. 5 CHICAGO - - - ILLINOIS : _ 3 4 2 lo Three Out of Five Have These XCUSE the paper. Excuse the pen. Excuse the pencil. Hope you are well. Colder than usual here. Write soon. Terrible cold. Can you read this? Such a racket going on. Did I tell you. In haste. P. S. CALLOUSES Quick, safe relief for callouses and burning on bottom of feet. Atall drug and shoe stores—35¢ Dr Scholl's Zino-pads Put one on— the pain is gone! ACTING PLAYS amateurs Monologs, Recitations, Drills, Minstrel and Vaude ville Jokes and Sketches: ideas for entertainments, Send for free catalog. DRAMATIC’PUBLISHING CO., 542 So. Dearborn St., CHICAGO Old Money Wanted #3: — of 1913 + ~ oy head (no a ry emiums for all rare coins. Send 4c for Large Goin ‘older. ce mean in muen to Ft to you. 0., Dept. NUMISMATIC a , ' s \ I LRmiae ii at. Ob

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NORTHEASTER EM agRer cHorn ie When the Doctor must get through — WIRLING snow—slippery pavements— trafhic-choked streets—crowds pressing at cross- walks — B-E-E-E-P— B-E-E-E-P— heads up'!—the Doctor isanswering ahurry call—somebody’slifehang- ing in the balance —every second counts—B-E-E-E-P — B-E-E-E-P — the way is cleared—on he goes with pace unslackened. The Doctor knows what itmeans to be in a hurry. And he knows the NorTHEASTER can get him there without a lost moment and in safety. You’re in a hurry sometimes. Havea NORTHEASTER on your car. Tho‘Horn with that Smart Vibrant Tone The*Horn with the Quick Response The“Horn That Lasts ~S* TheHorn'You Want «~ There’s the right NORTHEASTER at the right price for every car. VGH TINS + IGAHTION - HORNE EPEEDOMETERS flac TOné. 1.8 MoToRs | with a nest of cut-glass bowls. | of a vague narrative | considers | through the psychology of a child | who | The continuous bickering of Michael’s Life Life and Letters (Continued from page 22) was inevitable. The only charac- terization even approaching Miss Parrish’s customary form is that of Carrie, of whom Kate said that it was too lovely a day for her to spend indoors, after she had put the broom handle through the china- closet door and fallen downstairs ITTLE PITCHERS,” by Isa Glenn (Knopf), takes its title from a sentence exasperatingly rem- iniscent of childhood and tells about a little boy who had a terrible time because he was dragged all over the earth by his parents and never got more than the beginnings or ends of broken sentences. It starts off with Michael’s “remembering back”’ in the manner with which Miss May Sin- clair innocently incited so many lesser scribes to riot, and if you can get through the childish prattle about “Muvver” this and “Favver” that, you will emerge into as much as the author suitable to be filtered was admittedly moonstruck. parents is therefore not much clearer or more interesting to us than it was to him. I never did get quite what was the matter with his “muvver.” She was beautiful and discontented, and held it against Michael’s father that his work kept him in parts of the world where she could not ex- press herself. Just what she had to express is not given out. So she philandered outrageously, and why her husband didn’t give her the good beating which she so rightfully mer- ited is one of those mysteries on which there is no time to ratiocinate on the day before New Year's. She is supposed to get her come-uppance through the untimely death of Michael’s father, and so we leave her, with the ardent hope that her son grows up and marries a chorus girl. EAD ’EM AND WEEP,” by Sigmund Spaeth (Doubleday, Page), is a history of American from the days of John Adams’s_ political campaign to “There’s a New Star in Heaven To- songs _ night” (dedicated to the late Rudolph Valentino). It has the words and treble clef of most of the “songs you forgot to remember,” and in this connection fills a long-felt personal want, for now I can sing “The Little Lost Child” straight through without “la-la-ing” for two lines. Baird Leonard. WENTY onal rience of caterin of worry, you travel! ex- actly asin your own a vate auto, with our staff ~acting..as your sera Spend. winter or. spring in Southern Spain, Italy, Sicily or in Southers France. Write for book let “Highways and Byways of Southern Europe.” MOROCCO, ALGERIA and TUNISIA The Motorist’s Mecca. Book- let “North African Highways and Byways by Motor Car” on request. Our staff of ex-- perts at your service to help and advise you plan your tour— without obligation. Plan Early for Your Sum- mer Tour. Booklet “Seeing eo. by. Auto” on request. The FRASER- McLEAN co. | (Estadlished 1907) 667 Firth Ave. New York |

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Lt Py KD A GT) CSS / S My that little extra touch WE of enchanting quality Stores approved as Reymer Agencies are supplied direct from Reymers’— ensuring freshness and careful hand- ling. Dealer in- quiries invited. MADE BY REYMER & BROTHERS HAVANA | ye over night Sport ES tan PrN? BY train or steamship the trip is . delightful and at the Sevilla — ie Biltmore you taste the charm of Havana life. Here is the gayety of Paris within easy reach. Cuba’s delightful climate inten- sifies your enjoyment of outdoor sports. There are delightful shops, historic places to visit, the Opera, ‘ a racing and Jai-Alai for your en- tertainment. For reservations cable or write the Sevilla Biltmore, Havana. Americans require no passports. (a '! ® SEVILLAS BILTMORE in oO ON THE PRADO Al Bowman Biltmore Institution JOHN McENTEE BOWMAN~Arese EBoOUFFRET~Vice Ares. Short-Order Fiction The Adolescent Odyssey & O it came to this; life had a meaning only when you exalted it beyond mere breath, mere earthliness; when you made of it a symbol and a goal; when you personalized it and identified it with the throbbing ego within you. “For,” he told himself, “we live fully and significantly only when we know we live. The majority of mankind is irrational; he who refuses to accept life in isolated fragments, who blends it all into a reasoned, compact entity, holds the secret of happiness within him.” He told himself a great deal more. He was an excel- lent listener. II. and furthermore, Bernard Shaw says ” the young girl was saying. Shaw? Who was that? She had mentioned a number of other authors equally foreign to him. He felt ashamed of his ignorance. That year he read Shaw, Ibsen, Hardy, Conrad, Gals- worthy, Maugham, Maeterlinck, Dostoevsky, Gogol, Phillips, and anybody else that will make this sound like an authentic literary autobiography. III. No, there was no sympathy to be gained from his parents. Both wanted him to be a business man, prac- tical. Practical! They were fools, crude fools who could not understand him. Outside the dusk fell, softly, insinuatingly, like a fine rain of powder. Yes, he would go for a walk. What else was there to do? He went out. His mother bolted the door behind him three times, and clamped the windows tight. Now he could never get in again, ; The Russian Translation Avexis Dirrovitcn KirisHeNKov thrust open the moldy door of Katerina Ivanovna Prokofieff’s damp rooms and met the sneering eyes of Lyov Pavlovyef (who had only two names and was accordingly held in low repute). His thin lips held a wry smile. “You might have knocked at the door,” he said acidly. “The door?’’ muttered Alexis in confusion. “Oh, the door—there. Well, then. So. The central character in a Russian novel never knocks at doors. He runs in and out of houses without order. So. Now. Didn't you know that, you earless loon?” he screamed, by now thoroughly enraged. “See here, I want you to listen. It is only a brief story, illustrating Kropotkin’s—or is it Turgenev’s?—theory that progressive life is founded on mutual aid. Well, I was watching a little boy near Kosciusko Square kicking about a bright pebble, and I asked him, ‘Why are you here?’ Now listen. He looked up smilingly and answered, ‘Even so, little father.’ Do you hear? ‘Even so, little father!’ See here.” By now Alexis was in a perfect frenzy. “Where is Rinushka?” The sneer on Lyov Pavlovyef’s face deepened. “Do you mean Katerina Ivanovna Prokofieff? So. Well, then. How is the reader to understand your quaint abbreviation?” The question sent Kirishenkov into a raving fury. With a hoarse muffled cry he leapt forward, and seizing Lyov by the throat, swiftly strangled him. The bedroom door opened and Katerina Ivanovna peered anxiously in. “Oh, have you killed him?” she called gaily. “Thank Heaven. These Slavonic stories never get really interesting until an inexplicable murder occurs—afterwards, of course, to be elucidated by subtle psychological processes. See here. Well, then. So. Who is your next prey?” Simonetta. RS eee eee ws

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Che JOHNSTON & MURPHY oe ; Shoe for eMen “he } | Significant . . . So many men who desire quiet . distinction in dress, n year after year, favor . ] the Johnston & Murphy l Shoe. Their individual e tastes find unfailing ex- pression in the notable ; character of J & M a stylesand workmanship. e at Newark, N. J. wid White buckskin oxford trimmed with tan calfskin ... Near you, a leading store features this superior footwear.

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pes . EL = = TP? Service All the Way An Advertisement of the . Ir 1s impossible for a rail- road train or a ship to call at the doorsteps of its passengers when they wish to take a journey. To take even a trolley or bus ride, one must go to some definite point where the conveyance stops. On the other hand, the telephone goes all the way to meet the public’s convenience. Each telephone call may be compared to a taxicab, whose destination is controlled by the subscriber. The telephone com- any extends its wires to the Sauce and offices of those who desire service, placing its tele- phones within immediate reach. The call is made at the time, from the point, and to the place American Telephone and Telegraph Company that the subscriber de- sires. He speaks to the person he wants—wher- ever he may be. At the disposal of each tele- hone subscriber are the talk- ing channels of the entire Bell System. He may make a call a few or thousands of miles, and he may extend his voice to any point, to any person who has a telephone. This is the essence of com- munication. Because of it, the number of telephones has in creased in the last five years three times as fast as popula- tion. Because of it, the Bell System carries more than twenty billion messages in the course of a year. Two Dtiaiinias Men See the Eiffel Tower ” U* NUSUAL!’ “Exceptional |’ “World famous!” “Shaped in steel!” immortals!” “Will go down the ages!” “Backed by a great name!” “The trademark of a nation!” “More than one million satisfied users !”” “Tower of the | @ 17284 Ws Ws “Highest peak of man’s achieve- ment!” “T’ll bet it isn’t. The Woolworth Tower’s higher. Let’s look it up.” Scott. WE read that motorists in New Jersey will be required to have their eyes tested before they can ob- tain a 1927 driving license. This is an excellent reform. They’ve been missing altogether too manv pedes- | trians lately. W. W. BUSH TERMINAL PRINTING CORPORATION, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK Scott. | Skirt and Shoes IME was when you were close to me. You'd sometimes stroke my face, But lowly though I still must be You're in a higher place. But, oh, remember as you sway Above me, blithe and _ pert, You made me what I am to-day!” The Shoe said to the Skirt. “Why, yes, indeed. Yoa sight, Untidy and unkempt, And you're trig and trim bright, From patches quite exempt. To help you on in life I’ve tried, And all you've said is true. And so I hope you're satisfied,” The Skirt said to the Shoe. were a now and Still girlish craft defy the Although life's grim; The mariners shortened sails And underpinnings trim. To change the trope: though critics rage The girls their notions flout, And while their Skirts are still Up- stage Their Shoes are Stepping Out. G ri ffit h gales sea is show Alexander. What Time Is It? “7 JHAT time’s it? -My watch is fast, what time you got?... watch says twelve-twenty-three, time you got?...Mine after. You must be fast my watch is fast. Twelve- you say?...Yeah, seven- after—or maybe eighteen after; not more than eighteen after. You're fast....Yeah, I know I’m fast. My watch is fast.... You're six minutes fast. My watch is right....Yeah, I set it that way—fast, six minutes or seven minutes fast. I always like it fast....Yeah, you're fast, all right. My watch is right. I always set it right. You're fast....My watch is six minutes fast the way I set it. I can always tell....Yeah? Why don’t you set it right? You're fast....I know I’m fast. I like it that way—five or six minutes fast. Then I’m never late....You’re six minutes fast by my watch... ..What time you got?...Twelve-twenty- three just....Then I’m fast, all right.... Yeah, six minutes fast.... That’s right, minutes fast like I set it.” Foster Ware. My what seventeen . Yeah, seventeen, teen Says six USTOMER: Fifteen dollars and ten cents a quart? Why the ten cents ? Bootr.ieccer: That’s the for the last gang fight. war tax

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