Life 1927-01-06: Vol 89 Iss 2305

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JANUARY 6, 1927 » 8 fe, —_ 8) we a _ A

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NADN 37 , dK pene

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Abbott & Son.

A masnificent hotel on Tampa Bay in the heart of the Gulf Coast’s greatest playground. Management of Frank H. New. rooms with bath. Everything one could desire in appointments, cuisine and service. Write or wire for reservations. 450 Fireproof.

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we expense, with the Art Crafts Guild Collegiate Tours. Our Vex can go abroad for thirty-seven days or more, at modest congenial parties are composed of college students, teach- ers, artists, club members and professional people—each party personally conducted. A dance orchestra from a famous Amer- ican University accompanies each tour. Plenty of deck space on shipboard for dancing, games, rest and recreation. See England, Holland, Belgium and France—37 days, All-Expense Trip, Per- sonally Conducted, $385. via Canadian Pacific “World’s Greatest Travel System”’ Weekly sailings from Montreal and Quebec during June, July and August. Two days down the picturesque St. Lawrence. Only four days open sea. A week in London. Eight days in Paris. Three days in Ostend. Fascinating trips to English castles, the Shakespeare coun- try, Oxford, The Hague, Bruges, the battle areas, and other placesfamed in history and liter-

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LIFE: Published Weekly by Life Publishing Company, 598 Madison Ave., New York, N. Y. Subscription, $5 New York Post Office, under act of March 3, 1879. inted in U.S.A. Ent’d as 2nd Class Matter at the Post 00. Vol. 89. No. 2305. Jan.6, 1927. Ent’das 2nd Class Matter, June 8, 1883, at Office Dept., Canada. ©, 1927, LIFE, in U.S., England and British Possessi Ons.

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LEE Consho ? o OU may not know or care what or where Conshohocken is; but if you own a car you ought to know and care who Lee is. Conshohocken is a town; the Lee Tire & Rubber Company is one of its principal industries. A genius named Lee started it; he had the quality idea; a true craftsman. Fifteen years ago Lee made the only real Puncture Proof tire; still making it. We make also the Shoulderbuilt balloon; the DeLuxe high pressure cord for passenger cars, trucks and buses; we’re making them better all the time. The one idea, always, has been to make as good a tire as the best materials and the most scientific methods can produce; to make your tire-money go farthest. If you believe in this sort of spirit in your own product or service, you must believe in Lee Tires; and if you believe in them, you'll buy them. LEE TIRE & RUBBER COMPANY Conshohocken, Pa.

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<8 THE NEW, FINER CHRYSLER MODEL NUMBERS MEAN MILES PER oe { “3 ee ee bs EC SEAMS TH ~% eer ee eee Ce redede a | et am aan ENDURANCE & / . " Hi Pi More and More the Motor -Wise Demand These New Standards More and mote dis’ of Today cerning and motor’ wise buyers are refusing to accept less than Chrysler standards and are turning naturally to the advanced standards of the new, finer Chry- sler “70”. While the industry is still emulating the beauty, smartness, luxury and the engineering and mechanical superiorities of the first Chrysler of three yearsagowith varying measures of success, the new, + te Chrysler

“70” is now further widening the gap between itself and the common- place. Newer, more graceful bodies— newer, more distinctive silhouette with military front and cadet visor —newer luxury of comfort—newer, greater riding ease—newer richness of upholstery—newer perfection of appointment — newer refinements in controls and lighting — newer, more attractive color harmonies far in advance of current blendings. The first Chrysler was years ahead in speed, power, symmetry and long life. And this finer Chrysler “70” with its new eye-compelling beauty and alluring luxury and comfort, joined to a performance still as fresh and unrivalled as in its very begin- ning, only emphasizes the leadership which for three years has meant nothing but Chrysler. aids Phaeton $1395; Sport Phaeton $1495; Two-passenger Roadster (with Rumble Seat) $1495; Brougham $1525; Two-passenger Coupe (with Rumble Seat) $1545; Royal Sedan $1595; Cabriolet $1745; Crown Sedan $1795. All prices f. o. b. Detroit, subject to current Federal excise tax.

All Chrysler models—“50”, “60”, “70” and Imperial “‘80”—will be exhibited at the National Automobile b Shows; at the annual special model display at the Commodore Hotel, during the New York Show, P; Jan. 8-15, and at the Balloon Room of the Congress Hotel during the Chicago Show, Jan. 29-Feb. 5. CHRYSLER SALES CORPORATION, DETROIT, MICHIGAN —— CHRYSLER CORPORATION OF CANADA, LIMITED, WINDSOR, ONTARIO R (eee eee

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History Professor: US WHAT YEAR DID CONSTANTINOPLE FALL? Girl: 1453. HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO REMEMBER THAT? Girl: ou, | NEVER FORGET A DATE. Professor: A. D. 1926 (1s a slightly dotty newspaper reader might describe it to his grandchildren in 1950.) ] IDING the calling card which bore the finger- prints of the White House spokesman, Kenneth G. Ormiston and Mr. Kellogg decided that a Mexican invasion of Somerville, N. J., was imminent and called out Waynie Wheeler to reprimand Senator Simpson and his Cinderella who were trying to wheedle the bluefish away from Aimée Semple McPherson and Henry Ford was thrown off “Peaches’”’ train because the “pig woman” was forced to wade through slush in Pennsylvania and Illinois and Willie Stevens issued a statement in which he said there were two Demo- Philadelphia but it rumored that they had fled to New Brunswick to hide in a blue trunk with Edward S. Browning shortly before the choir singer denied that it was another Los Angeles earthquake when District Attorney Asa Keyes found Loey Fuller’s footprints in De- Russey’s Lane and the “lame duck” Congress convened early in Decem- ber to sleep through testimony that President Coolidge, was imprisoned in Senator Simpson’s bungalow fifty miles southwest of the spot (See X in upper right corner) where Babe Ruth found “Two Gun” Norris and y Queen Marie astride the Jenny mule. J Gerald Cosgrove. Uy crats in was f Vv CAg Bad to Worse dy fé EW WIDOW: Oh, what could be —— worse than losing your husband? a. Otp Wipow: Not being able to collect the insurance. | } j ‘ \¢ \ > f oa “S “1 DON’T. - ol , 1 ’ ] i The Age of Innocence OW I sigh for the days that forever are past, When, a happy and innocent lad, I looked on the world from my doorway, aghast At all that was evil and bad. To be quit of the tricks and devices of men All the wealth I have won I'd give up. How I long to be back in the barn-yard again, Tying cans to the schoolteacher’s pup! The heart of a child bears no malice nor guile, His conscience recks nothing of wrong; But he kindness that softens his smile As the callousing years speed along. The days of my childhood were sunny and sweet, But alas! I shall know them no more. How I wish I were back in our elm-shaded street Throwing rocks through the neighbors’ front door! loses the We soon grow accustomed to ways that are base As we join in the soul-crushing strife lor power and fortune, distinction and place In that gruelling battle called life. The dreams of our youth are all hoarded away In a room that no key can unlock. How I yearn to return to that wonderful day When I pushed Reggie Green off the dock! I soon must arrive at the end of the quest But by dreams I’m no longer beguiled, For no more in my troubled and storm-beaten breast Throbs the pure, trusting heart of a child. Could I only be granted one poor little boon, One gentle and childish desire, I should ask to go back to that great afternoon When I set Perkins’ woodshed on fire! James J. Montague. “T SPENT ten dollars on a canary last week.” “That’s nothing, I spent fifty on a lark.” NEVER KNEW YOU WORE GLASSES, CHARLIE.” THAT MARK ON MY NOSE IS FROM DRINKING CIDER OUT OF A FRUIT JAR.”

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Li Abello Swain: sO YOUR HUSBAND SUSPECTS Us? Fair Lady: yes, THE KNIGHT HAS A THOUSAND EYES. The Composite Advertisement Reader Visits the Composite Drug Store “ATTENTION, Mr. Progressive Dealer! I am an American better-class consumer of high buy- ing power and I want some of that well-known product which and cash for my spare time. It must come in a handy-sized, sealed container, be the acknowledged leader in its field, and the choice of nine out of ten business executives as well as the man voted most likely to succeed at Yale University. There must be a written guarantee with each package, I must accept no sub- stitute, and if you, my dealer, do not carry it I may order direct from the manufacturer. I am acting now be- cause the offer will be open for only a limited period. However, on sec- ond thought I guess I won't have it to-day, and could you give me a drink of water, one match, and the right time? Thank you. Good morning.” W. W. Scott. From a Club Chair Q* E thing I look for as a result of Queen Marie's late visit is a lot more municipal holidays, be- cause, otherwise, what are our alder- men going to do with their new top- hats? * * * There is consolation in reflecting that in a decade or so the flapper will be looking on her daugliter’s actions and wondering what's come over the Younger Generation. * * * The British Commonwealth of Na- tions has decided against a sweetens the breath, soft- ens the beard at the base, removes the film, strength- ens the hair at the root, saves one half of my fuel bill, guards against fire and poverty in old age, destroys dandruff, keeps the gums healthy, ban- ishes blackheads and the stammering habit, gives sound, restful sleep and real shaving delight, stops that cough, stimulates the scalp, teaches piano play- ing a new, easy way with- out notes, shapes the cuticle, washes without in- juring the fabric, de- velops culture and a per- fect-looking nose, contains no chemical preservative but all the body-building elements, is friendly to the tongue and throat, good for the digestion, and safe for baby’s skin, is not a drug, brings pipe peace, popularity, a beautiful complexion in fifteen days, ~ “9 y } Nuns written constitution, which is about as subtle a slap at the Anti-Saloon League as has been administered in some time. * * * I used to think Turner LTT TTT | | HAIMA MLV | mae Il M4 ver | eae os LH Wax had a unique gift for vivid color until I saw what has been done by the artists who mix lip-stick tints. James Kevin McGuinness. The Wrong Arm of 4 the Law IRST LAWYER: What are you looking so sour for, Cavendish? Seconp Lawyer. After I got all through getting my man acquitted on the most eloquent plea _ I've ever made, I find out he was really innocent. Me} ee ae) y ROFESSIONAL Loy- alty—Not a sex story broke that day. so the edi- tor of the tabloid engaged big money in cartooning, THE LADY WHO WOULD HAVE A REPRODUCING PIANO, an actress to slay him. —— __

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ives cely ere ith ub- not the be- nly seC- e it £4 the ood sult is a be- ler- Lop- ting yper er’s ome Na- sta hich

Life ,,,,,,,—————eeeeEEEEeeee A_N_E N_T AR M A DILL O'S

HAT ho! ’Tis the squat Armadillo! Rolled “E in 2 ball like a pill, oh! His teet on his face, Like a rat saying grace, With nary a whisker or quill, oh! onaliat Na- Q) He digs in the dirt with much skill, oh! And. eg icy his song with a trill, oh! > is hide, since you ask it, ’s ; a The toughest of baskets: armadillo besket fell of Much tougher than hiccups, or willow! live armadillo. = ae | eA 73 He’s hard as the dickens to kill, oh! 3 jo —— e laughs at the whack Lethe If you lambaste his back grmadillos serving as cannonballs Or bash him ga bat on the bill, oh! in 2 central american revolution. xy ey! Re ambalaees ely and ball ob Zap) .9_ ~~ When taking a fall , ) ater which they trot Dock tobe ory, INE Foes than Jack id, or Jill, oh! yess ee

a asl He nibbles the sweet daffydil, oh! And doodle-nuts give him a thrill, oh! Consumes Cheshire cheese Just as brash as you please And sighs when he’s guzzled his fill, oh! _ AABN 3 // He drinks jungle gin by the gill, oh! And nary-a drop does he spill, oh!

He caches the makings —<— For these undertakings ae And waits for the stuff to distill, oh! ee 1. - - by snake

He sleeps with his tail for a pillow To keep it from having a chill, oh! He spits on his hands, When occasion demands, And watches his diaphragm billow!

An Armadill seldom is ill, oh! At least not in Armadillville, oh! as 3 ao Sas 4 ee eds the rain and the girt. he leggadillo, If that won't suffice nothing will, oh! “apenas een

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SUST BETWEEN US GIRL® - Y dear, I was ACtually too imPRESSED because I mean I heard this sort of FRIGHT fully HIGH- brow ARtist person talk on the new ART or something last NIGHT, my dear, and I mean it was ACtually the most FAScinating thing you’ve ever KNOWN be- cause I mean he sort of ILlustrated what he SAID, my dear, and I mean I simply HOWLED, my dear, at some of the PICtures and things because I mean they were HONestly the MOST poisonous-looking things you’ve ever KNOWN, my dear—I mean they ACtually WERE because they are of the baZAR school of painting or something, he said, my dear, which means that they are kind of peCULIAR-looking, I mean, and I mean I ACtually got BORED stiff looking at all kind of dis- TORted PICtures, my dear, with kind of POISonous COLORS sort of RIOTing all OVER them be- cause I mean I ACtually think he was holding HALF of them up- side DOWN, my dear, because they kind of looked less POISon- ous that way. And I mean I HONestly can’t HELP it but I ACtually think that these NUDE effects in the baZAR school or the baZIRRE school or whatever it is are SIMply VILE because I mean the TORsos and things are all out of proPORtion and I mean I think ARtists who do those kind of PAINTings are ACtually sort of NUTTY or something because they are ACtu- ally the most reVOLTing things I’ve ever SEEN, my dear—I mean they ACtually ARE!” Lloyd Mayer. From Chagrin INKS: Why are you so sure Julie wasn’t kissed when they turned out the lights? Jinks: Because she was the only girl who was blushing when they were turned on again! “; WANT A MAGAZINE THAT COMES RIGHT OUT AND SAYS THINGS!” Life Invocation OME tune their lyres to chords of grief; to heartache and to pain; They sing of lives no sunshine cheers—that only know the rain. In misery unspeakable what countless millions live Without the gleam of happiness a merry song might give! Ah! may my song breathe life and hope; of flowers and God's free air! For me the lays of faith and youth—not dirges of despair ! With bards of gloom and mournfulness oh! let me claim not kin! I'll sing the songs of sweetness—they bring the sugar in! Baron Ireland. Special Dispatch NEAR-RIOT developed to-day at a meeting of the National Association of Editors of Tabloid News- papers, when it was proposed that the organization's annual medal of appreciation be awarded this year to Aimée Semple McPherson in recognition of her evangeli- cal work among the California kidnapers. Put in the form of a motion by a Boston editor, the suggestion met immediate and determined opposition from Bernarr Macfadden of the New York delegation. “There can be no doubt,” said Mr. Macfadden, doing a setting-up exercise, “that this year’s medal—forward, up, back —should go to—three, four— —Frances Heenan Browning— bend, up, turn—for her notable contributions to English—one, two—literature. I move——” “Motion already before the house!” interposed Editor Payne, also of New York. “And anyway, I think we ought to find some one in the Hall-Mills E “Speaking of motions,” put in Mr. Hearst, “why not give the medal to Gilda Gray or Marion Davies? Say Before he could finish, the Countess Cathcart was proposed, to be followed in close succession by Joyce Hawley, Earl Carroll and their majesties Queen Marie of Rumania and King Ben of the House of David. At the time of going to press, the situation had got entirely out of hand; threats filled the air, and several of the associated editors had even gone so far as to inti- mate, boldly, that there were among their number some not wholly given to truth-telling. Richard L. Turner. EACHER: And who was the Father of His Country? Pupit: Daddy Browning.

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he OW he 78- n’s li- he d, yn yi] he ss ut id rs re ot The Italian Government in Session ENITO MUSSOLINI: Gentlemen, we have met to- day to debate and vote on the proposal recently made that a heroic-sized statue of that great national savior of Italy, Benito Mussolini, be erected in Rome. We will first hear what the Minister of the Interior has to say. Bentro Mussoxini: Yes, a thousand times yes! But before taking up the details should we not hear from the Minister of War? Benrro Mussoxini: I am heartily in favor of the project. But while we are about it, why confine this treat to the citizens of Rome? Let us also have a statue of Benito Mussolini in Naples. What do you think, Mr. Minister of the Navy? Benito Mussouini: Huzza! And in Florence and Benrro Mussouini (interrupting): Oh, yes, indeed! And in Pisa and Venice Benito Mus- soLini: And Milan and Turin and Pal- ermo and Benito Mus- sotintr: And Ravenna and Fiume and Fer- rara and Benito Mus- SOLINI: Come, come, gentle- men, let us not allow our en- thusiasm for this truly noble undertaking to run away with us. But stay! Let us pass an edict ordering the erection of a statue of “SORRY I CAN’T GO WITH you, BUT I HAVE TO GO HOME AND EXPLAIN TO MY Wire.” egee Musso- ‘Is SHE DEMANDING AN ExPLaNa- ‘17! Im e nied TION ?” city and every town in Italy. ce a”? CERTAINLY. Benito Mus- “WHAT FOR?” “HOW DO I KNOW? I HAVEN’T BEEN Senewes And ies tana” possessions . Benito Mus- soLtnt: To be sure. I shall now call for a vote. Those in favor will say “aye.” Benito Musso.in1 (tumultuously): AYE!!! Benito Mussoxint: Those opposed? (No reply.) Benito Mvussouini: The motion is carried. I now declare this meeting adjourned sine die. (And, vociferously cheering, Benito Mussolini takes off his shirt and goes to bed.) Tip Bliss. Fairy Story ()NCE there was a man who heeded the annual warn- ings against holiday liquor. Life CARL. = AN DER LON — “WHAT YOU HOWLING ABOUT?” “BEEN HAVIN’ MY TEETH EXTRACTED WITHOUT PAIN.” Page from the Diary of a Farm Hand U P and dressed and to the barn where I milked eleven ~ cows and fed the chickens, gathering the eggs. I renovated the stables and fed and watered the horses. Then I repaired the harness and hitched the gray team to the plow, driving to the field, and finishing up the North quarter. On the way back, I turned the water into the big ditch, changed the team to the wagon and brought in a load of potatoes to the spud cellar. While the team was hitched, I drove to town with the hides and brought back the sugar and things the missus wanted. When within a mile of the house, I thought I heard the bell ring but was mistaken, so I shod Nelly the big mare and put up some hay. I thought the bell would never ring. Just to kill time, I greased the tractor and put a new fan belt on the Lizzie. While I was doing this, I discovered that we had two flat tires but before I could fix them the old bell rang out clear and I went on in to breakfast. The Great Calamity Which Brought a Stigma to a Famous Hotel and Forced it into the Hands of the Receiver | OTEL CLERK: Good morning, Mr. Smith. How is everything in South Bend? Would you like to have number 562, the same room you had a year ago? Mr. Smith, of South Bend, picked up a pen and wrote in the register: JOHN A. MULCAHEY, KALAMAZOO, MICH. Bill Sykes.

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10 The Friend: The Mother: If Houses Were Built the Way Streets Are Paved AFTER months of labor and great expense, the house is finished. Contractor discovers that windows have been omitted. House is torn down and built up again with the proper number of windows. Contractor discovers have been omitted. House is torn down and built up again with the proper number of doors. Contractor discovers that floors and walls have been omitted. House is torn down and built up again to contain the proper number of floors and walls. The long-suffering family which ordered the house to be built finally moves in—two years late. It begins to rain. The foundation of the house crumbles and the house collapses. The same contractor is hired to clear away the ruins and begin all over again. ad Robert Lord. that doors Overheated IRST TAXI DRIVER: I hear Shorty Manusco is in the horse- pital wit’ a noivous breakdown. Seconp Banoit: Yeah, th’ poor sap took his wife out in his bus and let her drive. 15th WHO MINDS THE BABY? I DO——FRIGHTFULLY. ‘THE great question of to-day is, Who had the right of way? “Was DEY ANY CUTTIN’ IN AT DE DANCE LAS’ NIGHT?” “VERY LITTLE. ORDERLY AFFAIR.” Aish x. Grape ONE OR TWO OB DE BOYS GOT SCRATCHED, BUT, ON DE WHOLE, IT WAS A VERY December My husband, poor wretch, awake too betimes with a fearsome thirst, so up and out to brew him some seltzer lemonade, of which he did quaff four beakers in swift succession, until I was certain that the hart that pants for cooling streams could have nought upon him. Then to the pub- lick prints, reading therein how a gentleman headlined as “of Brooklyn and Philadelphia” was to give his bachelor dinner, and it did remind me of the time when Fifi Fitler went to Boston as a bride and told an inquiring dowager that she came from Texas and Missouri and the old lady answered, Mercy! must you mention both? The tele- phone a-ringing, and it was the Bloodgoods, whom we adore and see far too little of, wanting us for din- ner and the play to-night, and | was obliged to refuse because we had asked the stupid Bixbys with an eye to the Recording Angel, so now I am resolved never to invite any- body whom I do not really want on more than two | hours’ notice. To luncheon with Harriet Deans of Buffalo, and then to see “On Approval,” and whilst we waited at the ticket window, a woman ahead of us asked if she might have a glimpse of the opening scene before cashing in her hotel slip, because she was from Detroit, and couldn't remember whether she had seen the piece before. They did let her, too, and did she recognize the commencement, I doubt gravely if she did sit through it again, the whole play being duli and obvi- ous to a provocative point for anybody viewing it at speculators’ prices, the tempo at moments being so slow as to call up an image of R. L. S. driving his leisurely donkey. But Kathlene MacDonell -was in it, very good, too, and 1 I did recognize her as a patron of the gymnasium I once attended, and re- member that once we did hold a perfect strangers’ (Continued on page 28)

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The man who twenty minutes before had said, ‘“‘Well, to make a long story short--’’

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12 MARVEL oy, AS | LIVE THERES coon, WATS | m TAPRER Dan ; ( ‘ORs BEEN lowing For CARY, THAT BIRD e- Ke oF AGS 3 ( ANEW DuNaie wity GE REWARD. ee aa L SHALL PURCAASE mysELF SAN AND WON'T KOTAND ‘ YARD BE SORE, | j EX, WATS ? | f Au HA! YOONG MAN , T A curses ! 075 sno ONE oF 705E ne NEW FangléO Y ) HE-\WNOMEN A Different Sherlock Holmes Story

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LiFe’s Polar Expedition By Robert Benchley Continuation of the log of Bobby Benchley, Juvenile Yeoman on Lirr’s North Pole Expedition. T. Kisco, N. Y.—En route to M North Pole by bicycle. Things have been going from bad to worse in this expedition and I doubt very much if I can stick it out any longer. My father has been unbearable ever since we left North White Plains, harping contin- ually on the fact that I am only seven years old and small for my age at that. If parents only knew it, it is that sort of talk which makes for radicalism and debauchery in the younger generation. Then he began insisting that I mention the names of firms which have contributed stuff for our expe- dition. When I say that we stopped at the road-side for lunch I must add “which was so kindly contributed by the Alexander Hamilton Peanut Butter Sandwich Co., of 1145 North tumsey Street, Chicago.” Or if I mention tipping our hats to a lady, acknowledgment must be given’ to the “Bon Ton Arctic Hat Co., who were generous enough to supply the expedition with hats.” \] OW this is a lot of hooey and I ** told my father so and refused point-blank to lend myself to any such cheap advertising gag as that. t was then that he brought up the point that I was only seven and that should busy myself with only those thoughts which a seven-year-old boy hould have. And he added, further- ore, that I could keep a civil tongue in my head. So I have determined to stop off here at Mt. Kisco and spend a week or so with the Barry kids and then go on back home to Scarsdale. That expedition is never going to get to -the North Pole any- way. My father and Lieut.-Com- mander Connelly are too fat—espe- cially my father. You ought to see him. Insert in log made by Benchley, Sr. Bobby has proved quite a disap- pointment to us so far, and I am not sure that I would be sorry to see him leave the expedition here. Our idea in having him along was to give the boy a little publicity and to have him write a book which could be sold to the juvenile trade around Christ- mas time, but a little boy who be- haves as badly as he does doesn’t de- serve any publicity and he can’t write for a darn anyway. Furthermore, I am not getting fat. I always put on a little weight in the winter, because I _ the can’t play tennis, but every one says that it is becoming to me. I weigh only 160 when I am ready for my cold- bath (which I very seldom am, _ these mornings) and for a man of my height, that is not a pound too much. As a matter of fact, Bobby is prob- ably a little sore because he is so small for his age. You'd never think that he was seven. He looks more like a child of three. He must get that from his mother’s side of the family, because all the Benchleys have shot right up to a good height before they at Mt. North explorers The Lire Bicycle Expedi- tion to the North Pole is now N. Y., thirty- eight miles from the starting point in New York City, and approximately thirty-three hun- dred and some odd miles from Pole flies, provided there is a crow who would be sucker enough to make such an absurd test. Further bulletins from the in will from time to time. Kisco, 13 were seven. His older brother Nat is a fine tall boy. And a great deal smarter in school than Bobby. HEN, too, another sign that I am not too fat is that people who haven’t seen me for several years all remark “How well you look!” You don’t say that to a man who is too fat, do you? But there is no reason for having our expedition torn with dissension just because a little boy has no re- spect for his father. I suggested sending him back to Scarsdale, but Lieut-Commander Connelly said why not give him another chance, he is so cute. It is all very well for an outsider to call a child cute, but when a man has reached my age he is entitled to a little respect from his own children—it seems to me. (Resumption of the log by Bobby.) It is very nice here in Mt. Kisco at the Barrys’ and I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole expedition stayed here until the snow gets out of the roads. Mr. Barry has some very good stuff that he brought from France last year and I heard my father say last night that he wouldn't care if he never saw the North Pole or anything else for that matter. He and Lieut.- Commander Connelly think they are pretty good at two- part singing and as Lieut. - Commander Connelly said, “It looks as if it were going to be a fine winter for two-part singing, especially ‘Sleep, Kentucky Babe.” Mr. Barry as the crow hasn't said anything yet except that he has to take his fam- ily to Cannes early March. All he expected us to do was stop here over- night, and while he is very about it, I guess he knows what he is in for, all right all right. On the way up from North White Plains I saw a_snow-bird, but didn’t say anything about it as I knew it would mean taking out pencils and making notes for the Museum. A hot lot of good the Museum is going to get out of this expedition. be published nice

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‘SG us Gp. XN ax 6 yee Conditions of the Contest Read these carefully: fy Ac# week we will publish a different picture in the ALIBI CONTEST —the picture this week being marked “ALIBI NUMBER FOUR.” The first prize of $50.00 will be awarded each week to the contestant who, in the opinion of the judges, furnishes the cleverest and most con- vincing conclusion to the sentence which starts, “Well, you see, it’s this way...” Five second prizes of $10.00 each will be awarded to the runners-up. Answers must not exceed twenty- five words in length; this word limit, however, is not intended to include the captions under the Contest pic- tures as originally published in Lire. There is no limit to the number of answers to each Contest picture that any one contestant may submit. Nor is it necessary for a contestant to submit answers to more than one of the Contest pictures to be eligible for a prize. The judges will be three of the Editors of Lire. In the event of a tie, the full amount of the prize will be awarded to each of the tying contestants. Answers should be typewritten or clearly written on one side of the paper. The judges cannot under- take to return any of the manu- scripts that are submitted in this Contest. Answers to ALIBI NUMBER FOUR should be so marked, and sent to ALIBI CONTEST EDI- TOR, Lire, 598 Madison Avenue, New York City. All answers to ALIBI NUMBER FOUR must reach Lirr’s office before 12 noon on January 20, 1927. Announce- ment of the winners will be made in the issue of February 10, 1927. The Contest is open to all and is not limited to subscribers to Lire. Members of Lire’s staff, and their families, are barred from competi- tion. $100 in Prizes HIS is the fourth week of the Great Alibi Contest. Even though you may have missed the pre- ceding Alibi Pictures, you can enter the Contest now and be eligible for this week's prize. Study carefully the situation de- picted by Leonard Holton below. Try to evolve an Alibi for the girl involved in this predicament. Express this Alibi in twenty-five words (or less) and send it in to the Alibi Contest Editor. Remember— the twenty-five-word limit applies only to your Alibi, and does not in- clude the printed caption beneath the picture. Each contestant may send in as many answers to this Contest as he or she desires. But all answers to ALIBI NUMBER FOUR must reach Lirer’s office not later than twelve noon on January 20, 1927. The prizes are as follows: First Prize, $50.00 Five Second Prizes of $10.00 each These prizes will be awarded to those who, in the opinion of the judges, submit the cleverest and most convincing Alibis to fit the situation in the accompanying picture. ALIBI NUMBER FIVE will be published in Lire next week, with a new set of prizes offered. Read the conditions carefully— and go to it! ALIBI NUMBER FOUR The Boy Who Came Around Anyhow: so you WERE TOO sICK TO SEE ANY ONE TO-NIGHT! The Girl, with His Hated Rival: we.1, you ser, 1v’s THIS WAY...

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Ves, Wiighiza| 4 WUAt wee: OLB EN | Sot BE Zs —<—— oF Jeg GE Sago “WHEN DID THE SHOOTING BEGIN?”

‘“‘WHEN SOMEBODY UP AND SAYS, ‘I KNOW A PLACE WHERE WE CAN GET SOME - 7 GOOD NEAR-BEER. Thoughts of a Popular Belle at a Dance ’'M certainly having a whirl to- night that’s my forty-eighth cut- in already and every one attractive gosh look at Emelina Stodge she’s been stuck for an hour with that coal-heaver from Passaic why on earth will unattractive girls keep on going to parties anyway I bet he'd gladly throw her off the balcony to get rid of her funny she’s not so bad-looking either just doesn’t get away that’s all I wish I could do something about it guess I'll tell the next man who cuts in on me to cut in on her unless it’s somebody I want to dance with me again and gosh I want them all back I’m going to break my record for cut-ins to-night this dress gets them it’s so slinky and I have got a stunning figure and gosh I’m pretty gee it’s nice to be popular poor Emelina I actually feel terribly sorry for her but why on earth does she come to parties I wouldn’t if I didn’t get away like a breeze here comes Teddy Wyman back for more he’s frightfully sweet but I wouldn’t dare sit out with him he always wants to pet and it musses your hair gosh but he dances divinely but I don’t care how they dance as long as they keep cutting in there

Douglas: po You BELIEVE IN ELOPE- MENTS? NO; I WOULDN’T EVEN IMAGINATION RUN AWAY WITH ME. Dorothea: LET MY that makes fifty-two and fifty-one is the club record my God I’m happy poor Emelina I wish I could do something about it. Lloyd Mayer. A Shopping Tour of New York ue Bowery—“Come in, lady. Come in and try it on.” 14th Street — “Dearie, it looks swell on you.” 34th Street—“A good, serviceable coat.” 42nd Street—“It’s what every- body’s wearing this season.” Fifth Avenue — “Five thousand dollars.” Park Avenue—‘No, Mrs. Ma- zuma, that is not suited to you.” 57th Street—‘“An imported model, madame.” 181st Street — “It takes three yards and five-eighths and you cut it so and so and sew.” Fordham Road—‘“Come in, lady. Come and try it on.” K. M.

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YH" VOL. 89. 2305 “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 598 Madison Avenue, New York Cuaries Dana Ginson, President HERWOOoD, Editor asEY, Art Editor R. F. E. S D.C ee , WO oe people Ss ‘I change their minds and do worse. Not so Mr. Cool- idge. When he anges his mind, he “= + usually does better. There was that matter of the sur- plus taxes. He favored having the surpluses get back to the people who had paid them. That was talked over. Sentiment transpired in consid- erable force that having gone through the operation by which these surplus taxes were removed from us, it would be more acceptable to have them de- voted to reducing the public debt than to have them dribble back into the systems of people who had paid them. These operations for taking taxes out of people are a great deal of trouble to the patients, a great deal. Indeed, they are an awful nuisance. One does not want them to go for nothing. No doubt Mr. Coolidge will see that in time, if he has not seen it already. Anyhow he left it to Congress, and Congress seems disposed on the whole to spend the money on the public debt. Still more lately there was the mat- ter of the cruisers. Under the Wash- ington agreement England, Japan and the United States limited them- selves in the building of warships of over ten thousand tons burden. But England and Japan it seems have been building cruisers within the limit pretty generously. Mr. Coolidge naturally wanted to build as few as possible. He does not like to put any more than is necessary into warships. Nobody ought to, and few people do. But order in this world is still in a speculative state and it was felt even outside Cram Maxwe tt, Vice-President LaNnGHoRNE Gisson, Secretary and Treasurer of the Navy Department that we ought not to let our apparatus for keeping order run below what might be expected of us in an unforeseen emergency. It was also felt that we ought to be up to the ratio agreed upon between our navy and the navies of Great Britain and Japan, so Mr. Coolidge let out a few tucks about ships by approving in addi- tion to those authorized in the build- ing program of 1924 ten more light cruisers at a cost of $140,000,000. Maybe they will never be built. Perhaps the real use of the bill may be to help with the treaties that will keep construction down in other quarters. Nevertheless, any symp- tom of a disposition in the United States to take care of itself and do its share in taking care of other people is a symptom of health and not of disease. JrorTY-TWwOo professors of the faculty of Political Science in as- sociated schools in Columbia Uni- versity issued on December 19th a formal call for a world conference to consider the international danger arising out of existing war debts. It is the’ feeling of these observers in Columbia University that our in- sistence on debt payment is having consequences that will be more costly to us than can be offset by any money we may collect. A great many people will be of their opinion, including presumably the Secretary of the Treasury in Mr. Coolidge’s cabinet. There is no trouble about getting opinions from intelligent ob- servers that it is impolitic for us to be such strenuous collectors of war debts. The trouble is to get power to do anything else. That can only come from Congress, and Congress won't give it until the country has given evidence of wanting it given. Maybe the testimony of the forty- two Columbia professors will be ac- cepted as evidence, as far as it goes, of what the country wants, but it will need to be considerably supp!e- mented from sources not academic. OMEBODY who lately spent a couple of months in California, returned with the impression that the people out that way were mainly concerned in having a good time. This informant did not feel that they took life quite seriously enough. It is probably, though regrettably, true that a large proportion of the people of the United States, especially west of the Hudson River, do not take the foreign debts as seriously as they ought to. Whatever problems there are about those debts will solve themselves after a while just by the course of nature, but it is the prov- ince of statecraft, when there is any, to reach solutions in such matters a little ahead of nature, as nature's solutions, though very thorough, are quite apt to be careless of the com- fort of such human beings as happen to be alive when they arrive. Leaving things to nature is bet- ter for some problems than for others. Mr. Clarence Darrow would treat Prohibition by that method. “Prohibition?” he says. “Forget it! We shall never get rid of the Amend- ment but we will get rid of Prohibi- tion. It will just die out like any other law ever passed that became too unpopular.” A lot of people are very solicitous that our conduct and human conduct in general should be legal, that it should comply with existing laws. They think that when you obey the laws you are good: when you dis- obey them you are wicked. The best minds do not share that opinion. It is true that the best minds do not make laws; perhaps if they did they would think better of them. But any mind good enough to be a best mind must have some sense of its own fallibility. E. S. Martin. w

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Judge: THEN YOU ADMIT ROBBING THE BANK. HAVE YOU ANY DEFENSE? Prisoner: PATRIOTISM, YOUR HONOR! THEY WAS LENDIN’ MONEY TO TH’ JAPANESE,

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4 vu wy iv) a on

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Owing to the time it takes to print Lire, readers should verify from the daily newspapers the continuance of the attractions at the theatres mentioned. More or Less Serious An American Tragedy. Longacre—Adolescent drama made from the story by America’s Largest Child Novelist. Beyond the Horizon. Bijou—Not quite so impressive as it was when it made Eugene O'Neill famous, but still good and gloomy. The Brothers Karamazov. Guild—With Lynn Fontanne and Alfred Lunt. To be reviewed later. Alternating weekly with “‘Pygmalion."’ Caponsacchi. Hampden's—If you care for poetic drama, with the Walter Hampden touch, this is better than most. The Captive. Empire—Lesbianism treated with mach more delicacy than is usually accorded to good old-fashioned infidelity. A fine play, with Helen Menken and Basil Rathbone heading the cast. Chicago. Music Box—With Francine Larri- more. To be reviewed later. Civic Repertory Theatre. (14th St.)—Eva Le Gallienne trying to do something for the Drama. Give thi> little girl a hand. The Constant Nymph. Selwyn—A strangely uneven but affecting dramatization of the novel. Opinion seer divided on this one, with ours favoring it. The Tf ouk. Neighborhood—A return en- gageme1 f Ansky’s creepy ritual of Jewish mysticis In { anam’s Bosom. Prorincetown—To be review: iter. The L.. der. Waldorf—An elaborate outlay in presentation of the doctrine of transmigration of souls—and a fairly unimpressive one. Lulu Belle. Belasco—A colored Carmen in her career from Harlem to Paris. Lenore Ulric at her best, ably assisted by Henry Hull. Moscow Theatre Habima. Mansfield—Re- viewed in this issue. The Noose. Hudson—A good performance by Rex Cherryman makes this one a little different from the general run of Willard Mack melo- dramas. Seed of the Brute. Forrest—At least one act which brings thrills to the spine along with blushes to the cheek. Sex. Daly's—You can’t imagine how unim- portant this is. The Silver Cord. this issue. The Squall. Forty- Eighth St.—Enter the young native girl who doesn't speak English very well but who makes herself understood with the men- folks nevertheless. The same old routine. The Trumpet Shall Sound. American Labora- tory. To be reviewed next week What Never Dies. later. The Wooden Kimono. reviewed next week, Yellow. National—The dramatic material. John Golden—Reviewed in Lyceum—To be reviewed Martin Beck—To be customary melo- Comedy and Things Like That Abie’s Irish Rose. Republic—We are going to try a whole new set of tactics ~n this during 1927 and 1928. A certain cold dig..cy tempered with occasional high-class blasphemy. Autumn Fire. Wallack’s—Personally, we are not very strong for native Irish comedy, but this is less offensive than many. Broadway. Broadhursi—Still the wonder-play, and justly so. The Constant Wife. Maxine Elliott's—Ethel Barrymore's opportunity to show how high com- edy can still be played. season's Daisy Mayme. Playhouse—If not George Kelly’s most spectacular characterization, cer- tainly his most poignant. A memorable evening for those who like to take their drama quietly. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Times Square— Most of the characters in the book brought to life, especially those played by June Walker and Edna Hibbard. The Great Adventure. viewed later. The Honor of the Family. ieee Otis Skinner. To be reviewed next week. Princess—To be re- Howdy King! Morosco—Good 100% American comedy. (discovering the dummy): My Gop! WHAT WAS IT WE THREW OVER THE CLIFFS? Movie Director ‘The Judge’s Husband. Forty-Ninth St.— William Hodge as William Hodge. The Little Spitfire. Cori—In a word—no. Mozart. Forty-Sixth St—Mr. and Mrs. Guitry (née Printemps). Allin French. To be reviewed next week. New York Exchange. later. The Night Hawk. later. On Approval. Gaiety—Light but entertaining banter, led by Wallace Eddinger. The Play’s the Thing. Henry Miller's—Hol- brook Blinn and excellent support in an unbe- lievable but at times hilarious comedy. Two Girls Wanted. Little—Not a headache in a barrel of it. We Americans. Eltinge—An honest and un- pretentious story of East-Side Americanization which is both well done and effective. Klaw—To be reviewed Frolic—To be reviewed Eye and Ear Entertainment Americana. Belmonit—A tiny revue with sev- eral good features. Betsy. New Amsterdam—To be reviewed later. Countess Maritza. Shubert—One of those high-grade Vienna scores with Vienna comedy to match. Yvonne D’Arle, George Hassell and Walter Woolf. Criss-Cross. Gilobe—Fred Stone delighting Fred Stone fans. The Desert Song. Casino—The Riff uprising made into a good musical comedy with Vivienne Segal and Eddie Buzzell. Gay Paree. Winter Garden—Winter Garden de luxe, with the added attraction of Chic Sale. Honeymoon Lane. Knickerbocker—Pleasantly undistinguished show, with Eddie Dowling. Katja. Forty-Fourth St.—Not one of the best Oh, Kay! Imperial—Gertrude Lawrence, Vic- tor Moore and Oscar Shaw in something not so good as it ought to be but better than most. Oh, Please! Fulion—With Beatrice Lillie and Charles Winninger. To be reviewed next week. Peggy Ann. Vanderbili—To be reviewed later. The Pirates of Penzance. Plymouth—Another of Winthrop Ames’ solid-gold Gilbert and Sullivan revivals. “Iolanthe’’ on Thursday evenings. Queen High. A mbassador—A tuneful musical comedy, with Luella Gear, Frank McIntyre and Charles Ruggles. The Ramblers. Lyric—Good old-fashioned burlesque humor from Clark and McCullough. Scandals of 1926. Apollo—George White's collection of stars and popular music in a great big show. Twinkle-Twinkle. tainment. Vanities of 1927. including several Charlot stars. later. Liberty— Moderate enter- Earl Carroll—A new show To be reviewed The Bandits Got There First EW YORKER: Do you know, I actually had a check returned to me yesterday marked “No funds.” Cuicacoan: That's nothing. I had one come back the other day marked “No bank.” Will to \ coun follo Fras ever they on t! the was iF wou exct how: swal to : 3 ol soni alon \\ tren met) ning equi \ ove! wit had alo wo! wo Dy kn Zu at Ha in

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x Good and Not So Good N the program for “Hangman’s House” appeared O a quotation from Donn Byrne’s novel which evi- dently had been a source of great inspiration to Willard Mack in making his dramatization. According to Mr. Byrne, whenever a wandering Irishman meets a countryman, be it in Shanghai or Berlin, he asks the following questions concerning that widely advertised Fragment of Heaven: ““Toll me is the Three Rock Mountain as purple as ever? Are the three-year-olds as wonderful as ever, as they charge up the Curragh mile? Are there swans on the Liffey? Are the fields still green? Tell me does the Irish wind whisper gently among the Irish trees, or was it only a dream of exile?’” In spite of the fact that we are half-Irish ourself, we would be unable to answer any of the above questions except in the most general terms. It would seem safe, however, to take a chance and say that there are still swans on the Liffey. And if the three-year-olds referred to are the blooded stock used in the steeplechase in Act 3 of “Hangman’s House,” we should say that they are something just short of “wonderful” even charging along. the old “Ben-Hur” treadmill. We have an idea, however, that by the time these trenchant items appear in print the answer to a supple- mentary question, “And is ‘Hangman’s House’ still run- ning at the auld Forrest Theatre?” would be the Gaelic equivalent of “No!” PENSE! le \ ’ shall always remember “‘Hangman’s House” pleas- antly, nevertheless, as the play in which the villain, overheard by his fiancée in the next room in conversation witli a suspicious stranger, convinced her that he really had been talking to no one by explaining that he was

alone in the room telling himself what a lucky fellow he was in having her for his bride. If there were more women who could be as easily convinced as that, the world would be a much happier place to live in. Oe § THE only performance of the Moscow Theatre Habima that we have seen so far is that of “The Dybbuk.” And even making allowances for our sketchy knowledge of Hebrew (we recognized the word “ma- zuma”), we didn’t like it so well as that given last year at the Neighborhood Playhouse, with Mary Ellis as the Haunted Bride. In the first place, had the acting been in English and not in the dark, it could easily have been —_—<« a :° * yt ri* a’

rated as ham. A ham is a ham the world over and there are several of them staggering about in Hebrew in this group. Secondly, if they are going in for a stylized produc- tion and we, personally, are all for it) they should go the whole hog like their countrymen in the Kamerny Theatre and make the thing good and crazy, with noses that are noses and scenery that isn’t scenery. Here it looked as if some of the actors had been told to make up funny and some to come just as they were. But the Beggars’ Dance was pretty creepy, at that.

FTER all our worry about taking “Ned McCobb’s Daughter” off to alternate with “The Silver Cord,” it turns out that “The Silver Cord” is quite as good a play as “Ned McCobb’s Daughter.” In it, Sidney Howard has written a fine and intensely interesting story of fanatic mother-love, which gives him the unique dis- tinction of having two of the best plays on Broadway at the present moment. While the problem presented would have been a bit more thrilling had the mother been a little less explicitly classified as a downright Bad Influence, this was offset in our mind by the fact that the young wife, who proudly designated herself as a sort of “scientific Nemesis,” was almost as sinister a figure as the mother. Perhaps Mr. Howard did not intend her to be, but personally we would almost have preferred to be coddled by a doting mother to having the “arid wastes” of our mind worked upon for the rest of our life by a lady scientist who wanted to “bring us out.” To our way of thinking, David let himself in for a pretty slim time in New York with Christina and her buddies in the Rockefeller In- stitute. If he was the kind of architect we suspect he was, he would have done much better to let his mother set him up in Phelps Manor and leave those comfortable “arid wastes” in his mind alone. A “scientific Nem- esis” is no fun to have around the house. Both women seemed to us to be pretty terrible people. The high grade of “The Silver Cord” as a play is enhanced by a performance which leaves little to be desired. Laura Hope Crews as the mother, Elizabeth Risdon as the militantly modern wife, Margalo Gillmore in several superb moments as the jilted fiancée (and here again we protest that it was much better that she and Robert did not marry, Robert being what he was), Elliot Cabot as the refreshingly arid son, and Earle Larimore as the mother’s boy, all deserve higher praise than we can give them in this space. “The Silver Cord” is certainly something to be seen and acrimoniously debated. Robert Benchley.

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Li “MY ENGAGEMENT TO HARRY IS ONLY A SORT OF MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING.” “THAT MEANS YOU CAN BREAK IT OFF IF YOU WANT TO?” “OH, SURE!” “BUT SUPPOSING HE BREAKS IT O0FF—— “THEN I'LL SUE HIM FOR BREACH OF PROMISE.” ” £e Life. HIS is National Laugh Month and any one taking it seriously will be awarded a certificate of mem- bership on the Committee of Arrangements for National Goofy Year. Lines i, ay al al JL “England, one of the first countries in the world to adopt four-wheel brakes on motor cars, is now putting this equipment on motor cycles.”—A utomobilist. Tricycle manufacturers please copy. JL Now that the newspapers have statistically proved that most people still believe in God, it might not be bad journalism to send a questionnaire to heaven to see if God still believes in us. JL Taxes in Italy being what they are, bachelors in that country would doubtless welcome any suggestion as to how one can live as cheaply as two. JL Of course there may be no connection between the two incidents—but it does seem odd that the announcement of Musso.in1’s tax on Italian bachelors should have been followed so closely by the report of Crown Prince HumsBert’s engagement to Princess ILEANA. JL Home is where the college student home for the holidays isn’t. JL Incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial as it all appears, we cannot help wondering what becomes of the war with Japan in the intervals when our more patriotic oil barons are not keeping this country out of it. JL Having read that A. H. Cromaie, South Da- kota minister, has been unfrocked by the Pres- byterian General Assembly, the Joun Hexp, Junior’s Favorite Model Union have passed resolutions demanding to know why he should worry because nobody will probably notice the difference anyway. JL Forty-two Columbia University professors have signed a petition for the reduction of war debts, and every European observer will have to admit that Columbia certainly has a happy faculty. Camouflage “(NREAT Cesar’s ghost!” shouted the editor of the tabloid newspaper. “I can’t make head or tail out of this dispatch from our special correspondent in South America.” “Neither could I,” said -his assistant. “Jimmie,” called the editor to the office boy, THE FIRST CIRCULAR LETTER “ask the South American correspondent to step in here a minute.”

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Rondeau of Pretty Violent Repudiation for all of me, you may be caught In choking nets of grief, O taut Slim girl that was my heart’s delight And made the misted world seem bright— Now I know well how you were bought With jeweled speech and thought... . See what your easy capture’s brought! All tongues may rot this very night, For all of me. Too-fluent mouths have never fought With cleansing doubt: their nought. worth rounded is You should have seen beyond the trite, Smart epigrams I used to cite; You should have plumbed; you should have sought For all of me! If It Keeps On Growing — T is a Sunday morning, 1967. A huge van is parked in front of the house, and four men are pull- ing on the ropes of a block and tackle. Perspiration streams from their faces and necks. They pull and curse and pull and curse. A fifth man, standing on the load, ealls down: “Hey, Joe, scrapin’.” Joe pulls out on the guide-rope. . .. At last the hoisting is over. The men relax, panting. They take out handkerchiefs and mop their faces. Suddenly the man who went up with the load sticks his head out of the window into which the load disap- peared. “Hey, Joe, it ain’t all here.” He lowers the hook. Joe turns to his fellow workers. “Come on, you guys. Look—we forgot the Rotogravure Section.” So the men strain at the ropes again, and the subscriber gets his Sunday paper complete. T. G. 7 HAT has be- come of the girl who used to say, “Mother, do I look all right?” before going on a party? out — we're pull Simonetta. B. K.: WHAT’s THE MATTER WITH YOUR PARROT? Jollet ~~ HE KEEPS REPEATING THAT ONE WORD ALL THE TIME, H. J.: 1 KNow. HE’S A TOTAL LOss. HE WAS RAISED BY A “YES” MAN. Window Left of the entrance: EARLS...collar buttons... beaded bags...waldemar chains, heavy gold-filled...“Genuin Pin Seal Wallets & Pocket Books’... Elks pins, Masonic pins, Odd Fel- lows pins, Affiliated Order of Your Affiliated Order pins.. MORE THAN ANY OTHER LOAN OFFICE”...beaten brass flower vases, slightly turned russet ... Genuine Saffire’...‘‘ Unre- deemed pledges,” rosaries, wedding rings, engraved hunting - case watches, diamonds ...three balls in gold leaf, * some- what russet.... “25% “’LL TEACH YOU TO JUMP OUT AT ME!” Right of the entrance: Police whistles...hand bags, Gladstones, brief cases, trunks (fit- tings a delicate russet), Boston bags, twenty or thirty pocketbooks... footballs...electric fans...saxo- phones...ukuleles, banjos, gui- tars, mandolins; banjo-ukes (or may- be it’s uke-banjos), banjo-guitars (or maybe it’s guitar-banjos), banjo- mandolins (or maybe it’s mandolin- banjos), banjo-banjos. ..cornets... accordions...suit cases...fishing outfits, trimmings rather ru—no, just plain brown. ..planometers (no foolin’)...umbrellas . telescopes, brass fittings as above. ..poker chips ...clocks (and such clocks!) . . .dol- lar—no, dollar-fifty watches. ..rare old violins. . . feather-dusters. . .cym- bals. ..symbols.... The world must be full of a num- ber of things. ... Wayne G. Haisley. Proof Enough ORTENSE: And do you think he was in earnest when he pro- posed to you? Marsorie: Yes — his cigarette went out and he didn’t notice it. DD Similes—‘“‘As self-controlled as a man who can let his wife murder his favorite story without in- terrupting her.”

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Life Ae * . —— aay } te To corm _ OE rea Ang, COR ss 4 ve. F, me ting, © 83 4 a 3 byt i A fy TS =* + OF oa} Ryefie ete 2 ‘» is i, dey MS Bae Aree WHETHER IT WAS A TERROR OF THUGS, MASHERS, PERFECT LADIES OF THOROUGHFARES WITHOUT MALE ESCORT. PUT YOUR AT ALL EVENTS, ABLE YOU The Gay Nineties PURSE AND REPUTATION MESSENGER BOY. IN THE OR JUST WHAT PEOPLE THE WARY NINETIES NEVER WALKED THE PUBLIC AND WHEN NO OTHER GALLANT WAS AVAIL- HANDS MIGHT SAY— OF A TRUSTY *“*The Voice with the Smile” OMLINSON hello, honey, is that you?... Yes, I’m pretty busy now....No, I said I was pretty busy now....Well, of course not, honey. I always have time to talk to my little wife.... I don’t see how I am going to get time to do that, honey. Not if I’m going to catch the 4:57....Well, that would make dinner late, wouldn’t it?...I know, but I’m afraid anyhow that I wouldn’t get anything that you liked....Of speaking... .Oh, course, honey. But you don’t seem to appreciate that I have anything to do here. Why don’t you try Gersheimer’s Antique Shoppe? Their sign says, ‘Complete Line of Antiques at All Times.’...No, honey, I’m not trying to be funny. I know you have to find something for Aunt Eunice’s birthday... .I know, honey, but I really haven't the time....Well, listen, sweet- heart, you are all wet....Well, I can’t help that, darling; I have more to do than rush all over town look- ing for birthday presents for your eccentric relatives... . Of course not, precious, but you ought to under- stand. ...Well, she is eccentric, isn't she, darling? And you know damn well she’s no relative of mine... .Oh, not at you. Listen, angel, you ought to have better sense than to think.. .. Listen to me, sweetheart. It was not at you, dammit....Well, I know, but, honey, I have so much to do.... Thank God, she rang off !’’ S. P. Ne cy nic Tl W the amat the ¢ love M the wher Yo and cisco “] been pete manc mon take supp abou y ou you! Yi logic Afte duty Yo

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OY IL OF ee >

10k- our not, ler- sn't nn Oh, cht not OW, J

Some Day I Shall Write a Novel— N which nobody will press his hand against his throb- I bing temple. Nobody will toss away a cigarette stub with a bored, cynical smile. “No man character will have iron-gray hair, a sardonic face, long, slender hands, or a long, low car. No woman character will have an exquisite boy’s body, a heart-shaped mouth, or sleek, closely cropped hair. No child character will have an odd, dark, elflike little face. Nobody will be either betrayed or divorced. have the bad taste to speak of it anyway. The hero will be given his choice between his love and his legacy, and will take the legacy. The heroine will be modest and retiring, gentle of speech and very domestic. There will be no chapters introduced for the purpose of displaying my skill at reproducing the atmosphere of a small town. Or of New York, or Chinatown, or Greenwich Vil- lage, or a backwoods school, or a tenement, or a uni- versity. No character—man, woman or plain face but a beautiful soul. And nobody-——man, woman or child—will buy the book. Nor child—will have a Dorothy R. Kissling. As One Fan to Another \ TELL, old timer, I see where the Amateur Athletic Union has forbidden visits of foreign athletes to the United States until after the next Olympiad. An amateur, you know, is supposed to compete for love of the game, but the A, A. U. doesn’t purpose letting that love lead to his becoming wedded to a sport. Maybe the troubles they had with Charlie Hoff gave the dear A. A. U. officials plenty of occasions to ponder whereto love of a sport might lead. You remember that they said to Hoff, “Now you go and compete in San Fran- cisco’—or was it Los An- geles? Hoff answered, “Gentlemen, I don’t wish to.” “Don’t you know you've been advertised to com- pete?” the A. A. U. de- manded. “Think of all the money the promoters have taken in because you're Life

Of All the Mean Tricks “YES, SHE WENT OUT IN THE SNOW IN HER BATHING SUIT, AND NOT ONE NEWSPAPER SENT A PHOTOGRAPHER.” simplicity was all for the good of the game, but it escapes my memory if ever an official of the A. A. U. went abroad for an Olympic meet, or on any similar mission, in anything but the bridal suite of a crack liner. But, of course, they aren’t professionals. They're business men. I will never forget the late Tiny Maxwell's definition of an amateur as a man who wouldn’t take a check. It appears that an amateur official is a man who won't give one. James Kevin McGuinness. The Real Estate Salesman Goes Crazy he greatest opportunity of the age located in the exact center of the fashionable Gooseberry Bog residential section where the kiddies can breathe the pure air and trust deeds with a fifty-foot frontage in escrow why help make your landlord rich when the Schnitzelbaum Ice-Pick Company is going to build a twenty-million-dollar branch factory next to these lots warm in winter and cold in summer right on the crest of the hill in a sheltered val- ley you'll regret it all the rest of your life if you don’t buy sewers gas-mains and street-lights executed in me- dieval Aztec design where nature did her best all the great fortunes made in real estate by grow- “< —_—_—_——— have been

supposed to appear. What about the gate receipts— you dirty professional, you!” You can’t get away from logic like that, old timer. After all, an amateur’s first vegetables and ing your own handy to churches we're not trying to sell you we're doing you a favor by permitting you to invest in perfect freedom schools

duty is to the gate receipts. You will recall that the A. from mosquitoes where only the very best people live

A. U. brought Paavo Nurmi over here second-cabin, and sent him home the same way. I suppose such Jeffersonian

‘THIS PISTOL FIRES SIX SHOTS.” BUT I HAVE ONLY ONE HUSBAND.” with a second mortgage al- most around the corner from the railroad station.” Robert Lord.

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VERY year I am compelled, by law, to go back through the files of my reviews and select therefrom the Ten Best Pictures of the preceding twelvemonth. Not that any one seems really to care. So far as I know, no snake dances through the streets of Holly- wood are held by those whose pic- tures appear in this annual list; nor do any of those who fail to make the grade go forth and dash themselves from the summit of Mount Wilson. My selections, indeed, are received with almost complete calm, and are forgotten by every one (including, I regret to say, myself) before the copy of Lire which contains them has been stolen from the Public Library. Hy OWEVER, it’s a tradition that is not to be violated, whether any one likes it or not; so here are my nominations for the best pictures of 1926 (arranged in no_ particular order): “Variety,” the one importation of any great significance, deserves to be ranked with those previous Ger- man films (notably “The Last Laugh’) which have done so much for and to the movie business in America. It was directed by E. A. Dupont, and the great Emil Jan- nings was its star. “Beau Geste,”’ directed by Her- bert Brenon, is perhaps the finest spectacular melodrama that has ap- peared on the screen. It possesses all the romantic sweep that made of its parent novel a best seller, with an added quality of effective realism. Excellent performances were contrib- uted by Noah Beery, William Powell and Ronald Colman. “The Strong Man” served to bring Harry Langdon forward as the first of contemporary comedians, not ex- cluding Charlie Chaplin, whose dil- The Celluloid Crop of 1926 atory tactics have made him now al- most a thing of the past. “What Price Glory” proved to be a generally worthy reproduction of one of America’s greatest plays. Raoul Walsh, its director, endowed it with immense vitality and rugged honesty. Victor McLaglen was superb in the leading réle, with able assistance from Edmund Lowe and Dolores Costello. N “The Grand Duchess and the Waiter,” Malcolm St. Clair main- tained the fine record which he had started in 1925. With two such ac- complished performers Adolphe Menjou and Florence Vidor, this managed to be the best light comedy of the year. Mr. St. Clair was also well represented with “The Show Off,” played by Ford Sterling and Lois Wilson. “The Black Fairbanks’s one as Pirate,’ Douglas contribution, was notable chiefly because of its color photography. The story was none too good, but the scenes were extraor- dinarily beautiful. “The Scarlet Letter,” directed by Victor Seastrom, gave Lillian Gish her best réle, and she played it with great and admirable power. She was well supported by Lars Hanson. “Moana” was produced by Robert Flaherty, who had been responsible for ““Nanook of the North.” It was a simple, unexaggerated and exqui- sitely lovely picture of actual life in Samoa. “Old Ironsides” was the story of the U. S. S. Constitution in its en- gagement against the Barbary pi- rates in Tripoli. Here, as in “The Black Pirate,” the gorgeousness of the pictures atoned for the feeble- ness of the story. It was directed by James Cruze, with Wallace Beery and George Bancroft con- spicuous in the cast. foeSILENT DRAMA HESE are the pictures that de serve to be characterized as “outstanding,” and (conveniently enough) sthere are exactly ten of them. j Others ‘that should receive citation are: “cr The Sorrows of Satan,” a woe- fully uneven allegory, directed by D. W. Griffith, with Adolphe Menjou, Ricardo Cortez and Carol Dempster, Sydney Chaplin in “The Better Ole.” “Silence,” with H. B. Warner Mary Pickford in “Sparrows.” “Memory Lane,” with a great per- formance by William Haines. “The Volga Boatman,” directed by Cecil B. De Mille. Harold Lloyd in “For He Sake.” “Mare Nostrum,” Ingram. Buster Keaton in “Battling But- ler.” aven’s directed by Rex SUCH are the principal features of the 1926 celluloid crop. It is not a particularly imposing list—being considerably below the record for the preceding year—but it does indi- cate that the motion picture industry is continuing to progress and that & there is still sufficient cause for optimism. There is certainly enough talent in Hollywood to keep the movies moving ahead, and enough money in the coffers to keep this talent from starvation. Eventually, the silent drama will assume the dignity of a full-grown art; hokum and stupidity will be stamped out on the screen; every- thing wi'l be too lovely for words. And where will us poor critics go for our wise-cracks then, I'd like to know? Well, there’s always R. E. the radio. Sherwood. vy fe vat UID yy " ' ; ¢

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Life CRE ATT Ore re

Uy] a y upped de- as fj ntly | q What Will You Get Out of Life This Year ? IQ ‘2 7 —a big year for those properly radio-equipped. Are you one? With programs the best ever, make sure of 100 per cent enjoyment (now and for years to come) by getting your Synchrophase at once.

Several exclusive Grebe developments will prevent any discount- ing of your pleasure: viz., Colortone keeps the tone clear and natural; Binocular Coils get the desired station and prevent others from interfering; S-L-F Condensers make station selection easy by preventing crowding; Flexible Unit Control makes this A One-Dial Control Set for convenience, or a three-dial set for precision tuning. Send for Booklet L which explains every thing es of clearly. Then have a Grebe dealer demonstrate. s not , s FE re { At Your Service A. H. Grebe & Co., Inc., 109 West 57th Street, New York for for 1937 and the Western Branch: 443 So. San Pedro St., Los Angeles, Cal. indi- Factory: Richmond Hill, N. Y. x istry wt 2 Pi that VSI Veh Q Cj Didi A for ey = This company nd ee roadcasts y through sta- lent tion W ABC. ale ovies ‘vy in Un 4 TRADE MARK REG. US. PAT. OFF. from will rown 1 be very: / \ WLM ~ ‘ ‘TRACE MARK = set All Grebe apparatus is UO. i, : . ae ey Oh ‘ =< , ee covered by patents ‘ as bs , , Stanted and

e's Timmy ye “ To UU Typ SitHHH NL ian ea Oty SUNY NICK Vy rp head Gui Vea UR oop ¥ (i NUD Md sigu ty . Nt UN) Af) Y Ne ay Xi fe aui'y (4 ae feap Ve) S)} Dt matt ener on Ah | Taeee cfm Als Soni ai <i || = = Sar ilissecntl-aae Ssh il ant moti tillipeersratl lbetirreeel Ai

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Life the Mrs. Pep’s Diary IZ ELESCELETNTEN) Continued from page 10 Doctor Recommends i conversation about horoscopes. . ' a Stopped at Marge Boothby’s, and Thi T b H : we did gossip about this and that s 0 acco 0 onea until I did arrive home with barely e . time to dress for dinner, and Lord! Pipe-Smoking the house was completely black save for a few candles glimmering here P ~ and there, with Katie even going atients about the kitchen with a torch, for Samuel, having bought an electrical a ee gypt picture machine for his godson, had b able to resist trying it himself ana ee ee ee There seems to be an unwritten law a 7, Mediterranean and had blown out all the fuses. among pipe-emckers. When ene ait Whereupon I did berate him roundly | discovers a way to get more enjoyment and with just cause, too, for it is bad | out of his pipe, he feels obligated to tell Sailing from New York Feb. 21, 1927 enough to sit with the Bixbys in the | the “pipe-smoking fraternity” about it, Reaching Cairo at the height of the Season room which I call a bit of old Ver- So it is not surprising that when Doe. sailles because of its chandelier, but | tor Gardiner of Florida found a tobaceo 7 that really enabled him to enjoy a pi HE renown of the to do them in the dark would be ter- ine the aa time, he made M oint Mauretania is world- rible. So it was a good thing for | recommending it to all his pipe-smoking Sam that the electrician did keep his | patients. word about coming over at once. You'll find his letter interesting. wide and her distinctive Winter Cruises to the Mediterranean have Deceuher This morning one of lage © Bae, Om become an outstanding 16th torture for that I did go Dear Sirs: e to have another perma- No harm done, I hope, if I feei like I event in pleasure travel. : . rant to s d of praise for Ed The M P i. Sol nent wave put into my hair, being of worth Ready-Rubbed. eninge “ fhe auretar 1a 7 no mind, after the comfort of the = son, bok entll't eet to enabtay ited olfers a most gratilying past few months, to be at the mercy = i aover sealty. enjoyed a - : : u sa oO ents Ww us! Winter voyage to the of the elements in regard to the ap- smoke : “If youre going to smoke your ever - fascinating Inland pearance of my coiffure, and I did ei Coe it whole-heart- Sea. where sunshine and mark, in paying off my cabman, that edly to anyone who enjoys smoking. d h ‘land the time of year is again at hand — =o —— oe §00d weat er preval an when my transportation expenses ate elie h ht ash : wnere every sig t ashore show a marked increase, for if it be Let us send you is a new pleasure. The raining or snowing or near to a holi- Snes coupes , i we. : oe geworth so tha comfort and recreative day, I do overtip taxi drivers . : ie e you may put it to activities aboard are such scandalously, albeit when they light the pipe test. If you . “nl , a cigarette whilst conducting me, I . Aman: like the samples, a y & sumptuous should like to give them nought. a | NSU a Is you'll like Edge. Cunarder can provide. Much surprised to find Sam home at | [Ag Salim §=worth wherever and 4 0 CoANT whenever you buy it, noon, but he had remembered during ' De for it never changes 43 Glorious Days the morning that this is the date on oa:1)) ABE, in quality. which the rye whiskey he is making ~~ Write your for $830 and up from a preparation that was given f ~~) name and ad- Calling at Madeira, Gibraltar, him must be opened, and was so ca oS Brother Algiers, Villefranche (French eager to view the results that he Cos) Company, Riviera), Naples, Athens, could not keep away from them. So : . 21st eee aes he did mix up an old-fashioned cock- ~ Street, Richmond, J outhampten (for Loudon). tayle, which I drank, like a fool, Va. Many comprehensive shore excursions. forasmuch as I was so drowsy after P hat be be grate- Stop-over privileges in Europe. luncheon that I did fall asleep over ul for the name One-way bookings to Naples, etc.,$275up 4 L = ‘ile “ 11 - ti and address of Round-trip tickets via North Atlantic. & DOOk, a pFivilegt rave been re- | your tobacco dealer, too, if you care to ame : rvi y anility. Id Passengers carried in the Second Cabin serving for my snility. But © | add them. to Madeira, $135; Gibraltar, Algiers, recall one sentence from the Hard- Edgeworth is sold in various sizes to Villefranche or Naples, $150; Boiled Virgin’s animadversions that | suit the needs and means of all pur- Piraeus, $165; Haifa, $170. pleased me highly : “Even Nathaniel chasers. Both Edgeworth Plug Slice . eae i : paki “eae : ‘ and Ed th Ready- Rubbed are We cordially invite inquiries and Hawthorne was obliged to admit that cael & anal wnihakdian saaegeh suggest early reservations. sometimes men and women are hap- | in handsome humidors holding a pound, pily married. Baird Leonard. and also in several handy in-between sizes. UNARD To Retail Tobacco Merchants: If «. LINE N®*t week—another your jobber cannot supply you with roadway. Edgeworth, Larus & Brother Company ae jon mith snappy, speedy, sport will gladly send you prepaid by parcel 4 in coo, ‘ion with y iN \' EER a THOS-COOK © SON model of Lire—the AUTO- post a one- or two dozen carton of any 28 MOBILE NUMBER—with a size of Edgeworth Plug Slice or Edge- cover by John Held, Jr., and worth Ready-Rubbed for the same price a new picture for ALIBI you would pay the jobber. CONTESTANTS. ES your radio—tune in on worth} mond, Va. — the geworth station. Wave length 256 meters..,

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Cars with Body by Fisher are recognized by discriminating buyers to have a greater value, as plainly evident as their supe- rior beauty, comfort and safety res 72.2.2 80 04-E S G

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Yesterday “fronroRS! BABY IS KNOCK-KNEED!” Well Connected *Arry (a successful man, to his better half): And I ses to *Is Lordship, I ses, “If you are a county family, I’m as good as wot you are,” and ’e ses, “Yus, you're a branch of the Rodent family, ain’t yer?” ’e ses, and I let ’im think so! —London Opinion. The Setback of Notre Dame Knute Rockne is in Hollywood writ- ing a football melodrama for the screen. It is understood the entire Carnegie Tech eleven is pushed over the cliff in the seventh reel.—Detroit News. Aw American author has made a list of the world’s ten worst writers. But surely there must be more than ten of them ?—Punch. Viewrpornt is everything. A Chinese official says the white race is a menace to civilization.—Toledo Blade. Ir is never too late for a woman to keep an appointment. —Everybody’s Weekly. ate, “SIERBERT IS QUITE A DUDE, AIN’T HE, WILL’uM?” “veH, HE ALLUS WEARS A DERBY ON A CITY Jos.” —Harvard Lampoon. “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Personal Experience Tue teacher in a high-school Eng- lish class had asked the pupils to write an editorial for the foliowing day, and in giving suggestions had said that “puppy love” would be an in- teresting topic to work up. A mem- ber of the class, who was busy copy- ing the assignment when the above statement was made, looked up and innocently inquired: “Does it have to be a personal experience?” —Indianapolis News, We like the lady who remarked, “When I have been talking to her for an hour I feel as though I have been moving heavy furniture about.” —Bystander (London). “srop, CAPTAIN! mY HaT!” —Tit-Bits (London). Back on the Billboards Ronert Grecxter tells of an actor whose steady failure to get a part had no effect on his sublime ego. Encounter- ing him the other day, Gleckler inquired what he was doing. “Got a fine break,” enthused the fel- low. “I’ve cast for a cigarette testimonial.” —New York Morning Telegraph. been Our Times Again In the old days it was the self-abas- ing man who Wasn't Fit to Touch the Hem of Her Garment. Now it’s only one of the Singer Midgets. —New York World. Figure That Out Wir11am was taken ill and unable to go to schovl. His mother wrote to the teacher as follows: “Biles got the beleak.” —London Daily News. “Tight-fisted, is he?” “If you came in with a message from Mars he wouldn’t accept it collect.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Memsers of a Georgia lynching mob have received sentences of from four years to life. They lynched a white man. —St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “yr ARVELOUS! BARBY ‘LAS had LEGs ! —Lustige Blatter (Berlin). CHARLESTON What's a Couple of Years? A snip news reporter who shall be nameless here has been associated with a morning paper for several years and is extremely popular with all skippers and seamen because he is a genuine guy. His only fatal habit, they say, is drink. Not a few times he has been carried across the pond and back because he didn’t hear the call of “All ashore!” When he failed to return to his news- paper after an assignment the mob took it for granted that he was drunk and Europe-bound again. Once, however, while visiting the crew of a steamer he got brutally plastered. When he came to he discovered that he was on a world cruise, the first port being Rio de Janeiro. He decided to complete the long voyage. Two years later, after seeing the world, he returned to New York, has- tened to his office and went straight to his desk. “For the love of Mike!” he bellowed. “Who the hell moved my type- writer?”—New York Graphic. You never know how much a man can’t remember till he is called as a witness.—Detroit News. “on, DON’T BE SUCH A BORE, GLADYS. ILL TELL YOU WHEN I’M THROUGH HAVING YOU LEND IT TO ME.” —New Yorker.

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31 Lines from One Aspiring Parent-Bard to Another Wuewn that most promising of gents, Your son, adorns the so-called nursery And rends, with raucous eloquence, The quondam quiet of your versery; When that steel-lunged, lusty mite Expands his chest—as babies should— Then, Boss, if poesy you can write You're good! Just wait until he first explores [he fascinating realm of noise And heaves across the hard-wood floors His battered, uncomplaining toys; Ah, wait until—what’s even worse— He tumbles, yawping, down the stair— Then, Chief, if you can fashion verse You're there! Though graceful be your lyric gift As any band-conductor’s baton, Into prosaic prose you'll drift When Tony muffs his college Latin. And when his bills for divers debts Begin arriving at your desk, Will these inspire your triolets? Dunt esk. Vy. D. Plume, in New York World. MR. PYGMALION “Tyem house is mortgaged, isn’t it?” “Up to the auto.”"—Boston Transcript. EXPLAINING TO MRS. P, THAT THE YOUNG LADY IS ONLY HIS STATUE COME TO LIFE. Humorist (London). Shakespeareana “My niece is quite theatrical,” re- marked old Mrs. Blunderby. “Next week she is taking part in a Shakespeare play at college.” “Which of his plays is it?’ asked. “Edith mentioned the name of it, but I'm not sure whether it’s ‘If You Like It That Way’ or ‘Nothing Much Do- ing.’”—Boston Transcript. , her caller Cellarette, sideboard or ocean steamer kit is incom- plete without Abbott's Bitter Aids digestion. Sample by mail, 25 cts. C. W. Abbott & C Baltimore, Md For the American Girl Ar the ceremonies of the new Ziegfeld theatre, a busy young woman was ob- ip we served in eager search for something. ial She was asked what she sought. “Where,” she wanted to know, “is the glorifying department?” New York Morning Telegraph. In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE Sufficient Evidence “How do you know Jenkins’s wife is away?” “He carries a can opener on his key ring.”"—Detroit News. is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Britain, Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U. S. Office. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign s in the Postal Union, $1.60 a year; to Canada, 80 cents. Back s cannot be supplied. text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights it Britain apply to Lire, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter London, E. C., England. The foreign trade supplied from Lire’s London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. Canadian distributor, The American News Company, Ltd., 386-388 St. James Street, Montreal, Canada. No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unsolicited contributions. Notice of change of address should reach this office two weeks prior to the date of issue to be affected. Established 1874 2and 4 E. Forty-Fourth Street NEW YORK XPONENTS of fashionable conservatism in gentlemen's ap- parel. Copyright by Wetzel $8 33Ke @ Tex “Strike, PesxsFfect.— To Readers of LIFE D° YOU play golf? Do you fish, ride, play tennis, bowl, pitch horseshoes, sail a boat, dance, swim or enjoy lying on a glistening beach, watching the sky and soaking up the warm sun- shine? You can do all these in Daytona Beach this winter—if you'll come. Such great artists as Schipa, Galli Curci, Kreisler, Heifitz, Homer, Schumann-Heinck, Zimbalist, Martinelli, New York and Cleveland Symphonies, Will Rogers and Elsie Janis will entertain you. (Not by radio but in person.) Doesn't it sound great? Plenty of room at reasonable rates. Address Room 78, Cham. of Com. Bldg., Daytona Beach, Florida. a Chamber of Commerce, Deytonse Beech, Florida: Send Book Explaining Way Your winters are Perfect. a

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Life ® ; Nes g Al pot! Win Tat es oS Pirate the Gold of Southern Skies French Line Cruise to the Caribbean from February 5th to March 6th Co isles looped with jewelled foam — spiced fragrant winds that stir the fancy — ports flaunting exotic color—all while the North is bleak and grey. Down towards the South- ern Cross, where the Spanish Main rolls in its haunting beauty. Thrill to its spell—hold it to dream of— through the thirty magic days of this eventful cruise. THE S. S. LAFAYETTE sails to this clime of palms and bou- gainvillea—out of the cold Atlantic into the Gulf Stream — where golden seaweed floats lazily in sapphire waters. Throughout the cruise, the ship is your home —its comfort and luxury welcome you back from each joyous shore trip— with continuous gayeties— parties—dances aboard. Stops at Nassau, Bermuda, Kingston, so smartly British, Havana, La Guaira, a touch of old Spain, Curacao, Colon—No passports required. Sailing from Philadel phia February Sth Just at the season’s rawest—a few hours—the decks blossom out with light summery frocks—gone is the winter—left far behind. Fares $325 to $1200 including shore excursions, Treneh Line 19 State Street, New York City Write us or any French Line Agent or recognized Tourist Office for brochure The Stranger’s Tale E was gaunt and lean and hag- gard, He was ragged past belief, And his face was seared with fur- rows That bespoke a poignant grief. Yes, I’ve had my share of sorrow (He exclaimed in plaintive tone) ; For no man has ever suffered Half the suffering I’ve known. I was young once—rich and hand- some, I had wealth at my command; Titled ladies tried to woo me, Lovely maidens. sought my hand. But their beauty failed to move me, All their charm I brushed aside, Till one night, ah, fateful evening! I beheld my future bride. Like a thistledown she floated O’er the polished ballroom floor, And I vowed in adoration She’d be mine forever more. Oh, how ardently I wooed her! How I worshiped at her shrine! Till one fragrant night in springtime She consented to be mine. Came the day when we were wedded ; As we left her father’s door Little dreamt I, in my gladness, What the future had in store. “Dear,” she said to me that evening, Giving me a fond caress, “Dear,” she said, “I have deceived you; I have something to confess. “Don’t despise me, love, I beg you; I scarce know how to begin. I have long kept something from you! Sweetheart, I’m a Siamese twin!” Quickly I recoiled in horror, Back I started from my bride. Then I noticed for the first time Some one standing at her side. "Twas her younger sister Ethel, Standing there beside my wife, Little Ethel, three years younger, Fastened firm to her for life. "Twas the blindness of my passion That had kept me from the truth, And I always had been rather Unobservant since my youth. Then I spoke with bursting sorrow: “You must choose ‘twixt her and me! Though the parson made us one, dear, Now it seems he made us three.” A Sure Way To End Dandruff There is one sure way that never fails to Temove dandruff completely, and that is to dissolve it. Then you destroy it en- tirely. To do this, just apply alittle Liquid Arvon at night before retiring; use enough to moisten the scalp and rub it in gently with the finger tips. By morning, most, if not all, of your dandruff will be gone, and two or three more applications will completely dissolve and entirely destroy every single sign and trace of it, no matter how much dandruff you may have. : You will find, too, that all itching of the scalp = will stop instantly and your hair will be lustrous, : glossy. silky and soft, and look and feel a hun- = red times better. i You can get Liquid Arvon at any drug store, = and a four ounce bottle is all you will need. This simple remedy has never n known to fai LIQUID ARVON FOR RE MOW 06 wad “Ah,” she cried, “don’t drive me from you! Don’t you see you break heart? For I pledged my dying mother From my sister ne’er to part.” More in anger than in sorrow Out I plunged into the rain From that tragic wedding evening— I ne'er saw my wife again. That’s how I became a ruin, That’s the reason for my fall. Never trust a woman, Mister; Double-faced deceivers all. Newman Levy. BERMUDA “Metropolitan Comforts in a Re- sort Hotel of Distinction.” Larg- est in Bermuda—400 outside tooms,325 with baths. Orchestra, allsportsall winter. Ratesattrac tive. Fireproof. Opens Jan. 10. J.A. Sherrard, Managing Director . J. Sherrard, Resident } Manager or le vr reau, yer

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The Master Craftsman LL his life, it seemed, Horace Q. I% Elbow had suffered from the joke about plumbers. Even as a little boy, he had often cowered in fear behind his mother’s skirts when his father, as good a man as ever wiped a joint, would suddenly explode as he turned the leaves of a newspaper or a stray magazine. “Don’t ery,” his mother had con- soled little Horace, “it’s just another joke about plumbers forgetting tools. | do wish Papa wouldn’t read the papers—they ‘upset him so.” ind now on the morrow Horace was to become a plumber in his own name.. He was about to become the butt of all the crude humor of the jokesmiths. Was he? Not if he and his little wife could help it, Horace reflected. lor all the last fortnight his little helpmate had worked on his great idea. When morning came, and he was ready to start to work, Horace was arrayed in a fool-proof plumb- er's costume, fitted with scores of vol- uminous pockets for tools, none of which could be removed without the key to the master lock. Horace was about to do his share to annihilate the canard that plumbers are for- getful. Ten minutes after arriving at his ofice the first hurry call for a plumber came. Horace waited only long enough to finish the morning paper, telephone his wife, polish the furniture and chat with several of his neighbors before responding to the summons. He would show them, he resolved, that here was one plumber who was on the job. A moment’s quick inspection of the plugged sink, and Horace was ready to swing into action. With a supercilious glance at the cynical householder who stood by, sus- piciously watching his every move, Horace reached for pocket 1 A K of the Complete Plumber’s Costume. “Don’t pull that old one,” Horace warned, “because I want you to know—” He stopped suddenly. He had remembered that the key to the master lock was in his other trousers. Roy H. Fricken. ‘7 ERO in sales _ effort—sending * something to Dean Inge on ap- proval. “She Shifted for Herself.” Watch for the John Held cover on the AUTOMOBILE NUMBER, neat week! CeVAce Mis «. ...and so to bed” They come, these captains of the earth, to this huge Detroit sprawling from Erie to St. Clair, they come laden with the affairs of statesmen, players, authors, engineers, men who plan and build and sell, and at night they return to this inn of tranquillity to eat andtorest—‘‘ANDSOTOBED."’.. . Insucha place, with such hosts to serve you, the wears of the world retire for a little while and you find contentment. Only here, we have been told, are beds as soft and as pillowy as these beds; and every one is seven stories at least above the street, high enough to transform the noises of the night into a low musical murmur, a murmur that lulls you into a deep sleep, a sweet sleep, a sleep profound and all- consoling. There are twenty- nine floors, there are twelve hundred rooms, all have bath, all are outside, and 560 are priced at four and five dollars a day. Here you'll find a true welcome in one of America’s great hotels. THE BOOK-CADILLAC HOTEL COMPANY DETROIT Roy Carruthers, Presidents , will receive $25.00 weekly over a long term for wholly disabling injuries; $2500.00 for loss of limb; and those depend- ents of yours would receive $5000.00 in case of accidental death. Such an accident insurance policy is attached to your receipted bill at the Book-Cadillac Hotel. It protects you and yours for 24 hours from that minute, until you are safely home again.

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Among the New Books The Hard - Boiled Virgin. By Frances Newman (Boni & Liveright). The story of a good girl who didn’t get along very well, in spite of her efforts and equipment. To-morrow Morning. By Anne Par- rish (Harper). Sprightly vivisection of an American family, but not so good as “The Perennial Bachelor.” The Plutocrat. By Booth Tarking- ton (Doubleday, Page). The hero is another man from home, and his story is almost unbearably good. Tin Wedding. By Margaret Leech (Boni & Liveright). An _ interesting elaboration of the old idea that song before breakfast means tears before eventide. Galahad. By John Erskine (Bobbs- Merrill). An irreverent Yankeé at King Arthur’s court. Murder at Smutty Nose. By Ed- mund Pearson (Doubleday, Page). The chronicle of dirty work at fourteen vari- ous crossroads. The Best Short Stories of 1926. Edited by Edward J. O’Brien (Double- day, Page). And one of them was writ- ten by our own Mr. Sherwood! Modern Library Additions: Dub- liners. By James Joyce. New Grub Street. By George Gissing. With re- spective introductions by Padraic Colum and Harry Hansen. The Way. By Princess Lazarovich- Hrebelianovich (Stanford University Press). A study in play form of the bearings of scientific discovery on the in- terpretation of Christ which amateur comedy clubs should have considerable difficulty in laughing off. Read ’Em and Weep. By Sigmund Spaeth (Doubleday, Page). A diverting history of balladry in America, with the words and treble clef of most of the old song favorites. A World Cruise Log. By Joseph H. Appel (Harper). Just what the title specifies. The Casuarina Tree. By W. Somer- set Maugham (Doran). The best book of short stories on the current market. Preface to a Life. By Zona Gale (Appleton). The saga of a small-town citizen. The Life and Times of Martha Hepplethwaite. By Frank Sullivan (Boni & Liveright). Hilarious reading matter. Little Benny’s Book. By Lee Papé (Macy-Masius). A scream in the real- boy’s-diary line. B. L. Books Received The Sacred Giraffe. By Salvador De Madariga (Harper). The Bad Samaritan. By Justin Sturm (Harper). Piano and Gown. By Fred E. Weath- erly (Putnam). My Heresy. By Bishop William Montgomery Brown (John Day). Philip and the Faun. By William Bowen (Little, Brown). Highroads of Peril. By Alfred H. Bill (Little, Brown). Into the Void. By Florence Converse (Little, Brown).

SPEED demons and pedes- trians — attention! The AUTOMOBILE NUMBER will be out next week. Don’t miss it, and don’t let it miss you!

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Life

A Little Interview With a Modern Heroine OOD evening, madam. May I ask what you are doing here?” “I am dining luxuriously amid the white lights of a notorious cabaret.” “And who is your companion?” “He is a man attracted by my beauty and sparkling wit.” “What will you do to this man?” “I shall drag his proud Southern name to the dust.” “Will that be enough?” “No. I shall also drag it through the mire of a divorce court.” “Have you no shame?” “I have none. I wreak destruc- tion and exult in my wickedness.” “Were you always like this?” “T was not. Not until I was wronged by the man I thought my mate.” “Was he your mate?” “No. I was wrong. There was another woman.” “Who was she?” “She was once my friend.” “What happened then?” “I became a vampire, preying upon men and scorned by all I re- spected.” “Will you be redeemed, do you think?” “Yes. Love will redeem me. It will work a miracle.” “What will you do then?” “I shall write my story and send it to a magazine.” “Will it be a magazine of fiction?” “No, stranger than fiction.” “What will be the purpose of this story?” “It will serve to warn young girls of the pitfalls in life.” “And what will happen to the magazine?” “It will have the largest newsstand circulation in the world.” W. W. Scott. Saal or consul, admittance or admission DO YOU SAY—between you and I; long off; ® setting hen: ee wee cals © wheres; those kind of men; that coat he don’t know as .Y can; a mutual friend: - back? Improve your conversation, letters ae ition. A home course in ntials of of greens rhetoric, letter-writing. pro- lation of 525 ———— English words. peech Cultured Conversation, Poise + Personality Agents here organize classes \NTED in clube," stores, factories and inde- pqadentty. Teachers and should ask fer circular, ‘How te Conduct a Moncy-Making Study Class.” Club

Or do you only think you do? “Can I take you Sor lunch some- wheres?” “Sure, but I don’t know as I can tell yet. Let's you and I meg} at about one.” ATTRACTIVE? YES, UNTIL THEY SPOKE! HOW MANY MISTAKES DO YOU SEE in this brief conversation? There are nine com- mon errors. —_— Ct es Se -t—— Oa — Miller System of Correct English, Room iii, 1341 Beacon St.. Bosten, Mass. Please send, for my inspection, parts 1 and 2 of your 15 lesson COURSE in CORRECT ENGLISH. I enclose $1 down. If I decide to keep the ey I will send the balance of $4, and receive Parts 3, 4, 5, and the SELF- pa NG KEY. Otherwise I wili return the les- within one week. «@ you will refund deposit. (Ref. U. 8. Trust Co., Boston.)

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Life WOOL OLA OOO LG GLO LVL GLO GLO LOLO LO LG Lo} One Hundred Things to Do GOLF. Two lovely courses, bathed in Florida’s per- petual sun, invite the golfer to his favorite sport under conditions almost ideal. Built and cared for by the well-known Carl H. Anderson, the Venice course offers sporty difficulties but no tragedies to the average golfer. Across the picturesque Tamiami Trail from the first tee are the hotels and the Model City; beyond them the sparkling waters of the Gulf and the shining sands of Venice’s Mainland beach. Inland from the tee are the fertile farms of Amer- ica’s most interesting agricultural development, and the tropical beauty of the Myakka River, teeming with fish and game. Good roads, hunting, sailing, THE game fishing, tennis, speed boating, horseback rid- VENICE COMPANY ing, home-grown fruits, vegetables and milk. Hotel 103 Venice Bivd., rates fixed at $5 to $15, with 60% of rooms $5. Venice, Florida Apartment house space available.Write for booklet. VENICE FLORIDA THE ONLY WEST COAST CITY ON A MAINLAND BEACH | rr ee ee eas LSAT TATOO TO TOTO TOTO TOTOTOTAT OT OTOL OTOTOTOTOT OOO OO OTe Ot OtGl A Rabid Movie-Fan Chat AN: My dear, have you seen t new “Useless Picture” produced by the Gargle-Bozo-Strudel Com poration? Fannie: No, but I want to if Gage ton Axelrod was the Supervisor. FJ adore everything he turns out! Fan: Well, honey, he was—and [J know you'll be even more anxious tg" see it when I tell you that Eric Blah} wrote the scenario. Fannie: That sounds just dandy) —who was the photographer? Fan: None other than Ferdinand) Pilsner himself, and _ believe me, | every cn. of the 8,657 feet is a per) fect gem! Fannie: You have me alfJ a-twitter. I can hardly wait until [7 see it. Do you know who did the cutting and editing? a Fan: No—imagine some stupid) employee leaving vital information like that off the film! Fannie: It is a shame. I hopeg they credited the titles. ; Fan: They're positively enchant- ing. H. Oswald Gump and Flori-9 enne D’Trop did them. Fannie: From all you've told me,; this must be one of the best photo- plays of the season. Incidentally, who directed it? Fan: It is a Simon Asthma Pro- duction, and the Assistant Director) was—oh, yes, Cecil Flopp. Fannie: Well, I must hurry. I'll phone you to-morrow and tell you how I liked the picture. Good-by, Fan—oh, by the way, what’s the title of the picture, and who is in it? Fan: Glad you asked. It is “Get-9 ting the Money,” and the cast in- cludes Charlie Chaplin, Thomas} Meighan, Norma Talmadge, Adolphe Menjou, Bebe Daniels, Richard Dix, J Mary Pickford, John Barrymore, Eddie Cantor, and others you'll probably recognize. But don't worry about that—the costumes by Eunice Kwepp are gorgeous. So long, Fannie. B. J. i Special Post-Holiday Offer For a short time only, Lire will enter subscriptions in combination with the magazines below at these unusually interesting prices. Regular price Special together Offer ‘E with American Mercury ; $9.00 $7.50 E with Forum 8.00 6.50 ‘-E with Harper's Magazine.. 8.00 6.50 ‘E with Golden Book 7.50 6.50 ‘-E with Scribner'’s....... Linhcaiabhes = 8.00 6.50 'E with Cosmopolitan ......... i sa 7.25 6.00 with House Beautiful ' 7.25 6.00 with Arts & Decorations..... a a 9.50 8.00 LIFE, 598 Madison Avenue, New York City I enclose check (we will send bill if you prefer) for which picase send magazine checked at left Name Street City State BUSH TERMIMAL PRINTING CORPORATION, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

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