Life 1926-09-02: Vol 88 Iss 2287

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The lvory Spoon of Ah cient Egypt, expressing in its decorative motif, the ele rae mystery A series of aucient Eagan —~ The one at the left is of grayish-green slate. The others are of wood. The fab which forms part of the ban nnn We Chet of Wakeheld Silver. Genuine American walnut — blue velvet lined. Will hold combinations of f twenty-six to eighty pieces. —~ le on t, rom the Great Ivory Spoon of Ancient Egypt third spoon is removable. Beneath it is a small cavity, used, possibly, as a container for salt. to the Graceful Reed & Barton Spoon of Today | Zee came fingers! Then came the spoon!—which is just another way of expressing the fact that when Man reached that stage of development when fingers ceased to be an entirely satisfac- tory means of transferring food to the mouth, he created the spoon. Time was when the spoon was but a shell picked up at the seashore. Again, it was a piece of crudely hollowed wood or slate. Ancient Egypt carved spoons from ivory similar co the interesting example of one of the first spoons, illus- trated above. Early Greece hammered them from bronze or gold. Britain fashioned spoons with folding handles so that they might be carried in the pocket when one went out to dine. But, in all lands, some form of spoon was FIRST among eating utensils, for it had certain natural qualifications that REED & BARTON, e} Se eit 2 - . : Vy La —— .- Ul ESTABLISHED ad =i SOLID SILVERWARE ~— PLATED SILVERWARE Q OOOO LETTE re \e , i appealed to a world that was much more utilitarian than delicate. Obvious- ly, the spoon alone could do what the fingers could NOT do! Perhaps, then, there is good reason for the degree of finished beauty you find in the Reed & Barton spoon of today. That graceful bowl and that perfectly formed handle have been four thousand years in their development. Reed & Barton, alone, have contributed more than a century to this evolution of the spoon. *# eH HH One of the finest expressions of the silversmith’s art is to be seen in the Wakefield Design in Reed & Barton Solid Silver. Your jeweler will be glad to show you this as well as many other patterns in Reed & Barton Solid Silver or heavy durable Silver Plate. TAUNTON, MASS. AN 1D’ a ol rele YEARS Wakefield Tea (Actual size, Sy COTTE S (FFF 0FCFEC OSCE HESS SS Bee ay

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ser Tr ees ®, a acti ST i } } | Automobiles VOL LXXV No 142 Copynght 1926 SUNDAY JULY CHRYSLER adopts BUDD-MICHELIN wheel equipment on all models... Offers demountable steel discs on the “50”, the “60”, the “70”, and the Imperial “80”; now on display in show rooms. New wheels bring greater safety, cleanliness, make tire changing easier, and enhance beauty of car. The Chrysler organization, noted for progressiveness has scored again through the announcement that Budd-Michelin All-Steel Wheels have been adopted as equipment on all models of the four types of Chrysler cars—the ‘50, the 60", the 70", and the Imperial “80” This will be good news to the large body of motor car buyers who are alive to the advantages of all-steel construction, and have followed its progress during recent months. In many respects the structure of the wheels is most vital to safety, as the collapse of a wheel, in skidding against a curb, or in a collision with another car, is a mishap that no motorist cares to face. Budd-Michelin All-Steel Wheels are the only automobile wheels ap- proved by the Underwriters’ Labora- tories. They were developed during the War, when the conditions of the roads near the front in France made Fey om | a sturdier type of wheel than before been available The Budd-Michelin was adopted by the French Government for all official cars, and solved one of the vital problems of war-time transportation After the War, the engineering ad- he = of Budd-Michelin Wheels, and their beauty—the beauty of clean stream-lines—appealed to European motor car manufacturers, with the result that they are now used on more than half the cars in Europe, including such famous makes as Rolls Royce, Delage. Panhard, Peugeot, Renault, Fiat, and Isotta- Fraschint These wheels also won immediate recognition in America, and are now used on a dozen American makes Five wheels per car Each set of Budd-Michelins in- cludes an extra wheel that carries thes tire - It is usually mounted on back of the car, and adds much to the attractiveness of the Detroit [ — makers of the Budd In the same h ub as the Budd Wire Wheel, which fits Michelin All-Stee! Wheel car's appearance from the rear. When a tire is punctured, the wheel with the flat tire is removed un- screwing the cap nuts around the hub, and the spare wheel is put in Its place. This operation takes ohly three or four minutes for a pergop of ordinary ability Budd-Michelin Wheels hide che brakes from view. and provect chem from mud, water.anddust Because of their smooth surface. they afe easily cleaned. and tend to keep clean They are the last step in bringing to the motor car the safety and durability of all-stee!l construction— the type of construction which has made a passenger on a fast express train safer than in his own home ] Philadelphia

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| Life > | Ballade Ultra-Radical FEEL, O Muse, in lusty fighting | trim, Crusading fires are kindling in my eye, A Surge of Life is tingling in my limb, Into my breast the prods of spirit pry. Up from my soul there leaps a loud defy That rings across the world for men to hear (No pink-heart radical with me shall vie): and beer! Mine is no cause to warm the breast of him From Armageddon conflicts who would fly; | No shindy serving those —ad in- | terim— Who make the shifting wind-straw their ally; Great heroes here are sword on thigh, From this hot plain goes forth the Trojan cheer, | The dogs of war have slipped their kennel-tie : clanking, Allons! Hurrah! for HEAVY wines and beer! Let politicians pet a rabble’s whim! Let Faint-heart make his compro- mise with “dry”! Let pleading tears the nidget’s eye bedim, And Dives for his drop of Bevo sigh! Ours is tle strength a nobler trade | to ply! | Ours is the shout of peer unto com- peer! Ours is the lusty-sinewed battle- cry: | Allons! Hurrah! for HEAVY wines and beer! REG US PAT OFF The Shoe thats Different L’Envor O Prince, your honest wisdom won't deny Old chivalry is grinding in low gear. EN walk much more than they think they do, and nearly always on concrete, tile or macadam—the best substances known to resist wear and the worst for the well-being of your feet. No wonder you are tired out at 5 o'clock at night—no wonder thousands have availed themselves of the comfort of FOOT-JOY Shoes, to overcome these conditions You cannot avoid walking, but you can wear FOOT-JOY Shoes and walk in_ comfort. FOOT-JOY Shoes are made in styles for all occasions, and are the last word in smartness. Ask us to send you the FOOT-JOY book—a valuable aid to those who would keep their feet in good condition FIELD & FLINT CO., Brockton Massachusetts Also makers of The famous Gnatloméf, Shoes for Men high: Allons! Hurrah! for wines and beer! Leo J. Ryan. Consistency . HAT did Biggins do with the thousand dollars he won with his essay attacking the modern me- chanical age?” “He bought an automobile.” Allons! Hurrah! for HEAVY wines | This trumpet-call should shift it into HEAVY | Play the SILVER HEN you are tired, when the last 2 holes haven’t been all they should be, try the fresh stimulus of a brand new Silver King. It’s wonderful what psychology can do for a sick golf game! Most golfers find they get 15 to 25 yards farther with this best of all good golf balls! STILL A DOLLAR -no raise in the price PHILADELPHIA a7 Wholesale Golf Distributors

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The Raymond-Whitcomb Cruise ROUND THE WORLD A CRUISE pre-eminently comprehensive and at the same time notably well-balanced—including rarely-visited ports—omitting none of the essential world-cruise countries. The splendid new Cunarder “Carinthia” (ne of the most popular of Raymond-Whitcomb cruisers) is conspicuous for her comfort and her luxurious equipment. The *Carinthia”’ leaves New York. while capitalists, cooped in sky- scrapers, and old Liberty, ironically nailed to her pedestal, wave *“*bon voyage’’ to the perspicacious Ray- mond-Whitcomb world-travelers. ee | = —s They gaze at Kilauea and bathe at Waikiki; they cross the ridiculous 180th Meridian and spend hundreds} Hiof happy hours amid the gardens They cross the Caribbean (after a party at Havana) and obsequiously piloted by prominent “‘canalists” do the gay towns of Panama, then head north, in the Pasific Ocean for ff / Los Angeles and San Francisco. and geishas and the gilded temples and gracious tea-shops of Japan. NS Fe “~ LAS 2 GN tit es LB, AG They pay a 0: visit to Korea, the Hermit Kingdom, whose rarely seen capital—Seoul—is a lounging- place for haughty chaps, crowned with fly-trap hats and gowned in immaculately starched white linen. They come to Peking with its man- and coolies, ‘Forbidden Cities" and shrines, and travel further to the Great Wall, a giant serpent of masonry forty feet high and fifteen hundred miles fong. darins a - After Peking, Hong Kong—then the Philippines, with busy Manila and authentically idyllic Zambo- anga, whose houses stand on stilts and whose motley townsfolk stand just as infrequently as it is possible. At Papuan Port Moresby the trav- elers meet woolly-haired black-boys (delightfully reformed cannibals) who can step a mean war-dance, compared to which the Charles- ton is an insignificant minuet. New Zealand is a vast museum; the travelers see geysers and gum-trees, fjords and falls and aboriginal Maoris with villages protected by rather underbred gods with a bad habit of sticking out their tongues. Next comes luxuriant Tasmania; then magnificent Australia, land of the '*Bush”’, the boomerangand the kangaroo, and the up-and-coming under” cities — Sydney, Melbourne, Fremantle and Perth. “down In Java, land of batiks, is the world’s most famous garden. Town and rice-paddy, highway and market-place arc lively with coolies, farmers and hucksters, weighted down with blue mushroom hats. A day at Singapore—*Gibraltar of the East’*—then Colombo and Ceylon—with men that wear combs and skirts, elephants that are al- most as numerous and tame as dogs, and scenery that is superb. India is a country of fakirs, enake- charmers, monkeys, bullocks, pea- cocks. The Taj Mahal, the huge Delhi Mosque, the Ganges at Be- nares and deserted Fatehpur-Sikri are among the world’s great sights. Through the Red Sea and the Suez Canal—and the travelers arrive at Cairo, for a glimpse of ancient}5 Egypt and a journey (probably a be supercilious camel) into the desert to see the Sphinx and the Pyramids. wb die \ i i Then the Mediterranean and a visit to Athens. Though battered, the Acropolis and the Parthenon are peerless, and except in comic operas there are no uniforms to rival those of the Greek soldiery. On to Naples (near Pompeii and across the bay from Vesuvius)— a city with a reputation of being determinedly cheerful, despite the fact that whole families burst vio- lently into: **Funiculi! Funicula!”’ anion sy a ~ ‘SY 0% ‘Gs iN / = = ‘ ——) The Riviera, Gibraltar, Cherbourg and Southampton—then the U.S.A. again and the cooped-up capital- ists and Liberty enviously welcom- ing home the perspicacious Ray- mond-Whitcomb world - travelers. From New York, October 14—from Los Angeles, October 29—from San Francisco, October 31. Cherbourg & Southampton, March 8, 1927—with opportunity for a prolonged sojourn Abroad. Booklets —Ship-plans— Schedules of Rates ($2,250 and up) from Raymond & Whitcomb Co. 16 PARK STREET—BOSTON NEW YORK BOSTON PHILADELPHIA CHICAGO LOS ANGELES SAN FRANCISCO

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“7 > \ Po) St Beh A eZ S re cs she ) — Ie it CE fom b. } \s ee HH \ rah: 4) * The Book of Hosiery Z } : — - - S052 LE” SS CLA, YS Ae ha. EN whoare particular about Te gateentsestre ata, f Cr - how their feet are dressed ay " alalalalalaala: have made this Phoenix number HY CHY CAY AY Be ‘ 284 one of the most popular ¥ socks that the markets of the 4 world have ever seen. It has had | ZIBIBGYIGIIIEY = Viveriy WEY Pay o Fa)

aUgategatsgataynt Yala vi a remarkable success, even for MYYY. iain ea a Phoenix product. Made of pure WNT) Japanese silk, and adroitly rein- forced, it comes in a variety of alainalala’ smart colors—colors that have WY TL) Cai) Saad Ce given it the season’s vogue. Mil- 3 PIGIGIO II SGI GI GY vir lions of discriminating men ¥ a choose it because it gives them ¥ ~ longest miles of hard wear at low ¥ = @ al = = = *. - = - > F2 = > -~ = > a = ~ ~ 3 . 2¢ = x te = : > - = = - =. singh = a, a x cost—and its elegance endures. ¥ No. 284 75 cents a pair SSCS Yt7h) Ga yay BIG GV"Y a — WTF) ¥ nin alate avalavavaé BESS ASISASIOANLS (SSUES he f =— SILK SOCKS MILWAUKEE

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Cav bdadtarrateat ra) Fivdvasivsegiviireir [fads ver BONE ENT AY age Vv ~ - = = - ~ ~ - ~ = we — Ps < J ~ ‘~ ~ _ - = - . FOOTIE GVEG UE CEG Lifre Travel brings the tourists AUTUMN A home From Paris, London, Munich, Rome, Their trunks tight-packed with sou- venirs Of Venice, Budapest, Algiers. How worn they look! How sad and thin From tramping Berlin! Florence, ‘Tours, But view the muscles Acquired in Pisa, Baden, Brussels ! splendid _ hiking- Within three fleeting months they did Vienna, Naples, Omsk, Madrid, And their survey was no less thor- ough Of Deauville, Prague, and Edin- burgh. From Hamburg, Brest, Palermo, Cork, They now sail homeward to New York, Eager to get the first good look At Queens, Nantucket, Sandy Hook, And see their friends and parents line Piers 30, 40, 59! With happy faces they entrain For Georgia, Minnesota, Maine, Resolving never to forsake Grand Rapids, Council Bluffs, Salt Lake. Norman R. Jaffray. The Nonconformist “T} OLD him! Don’t let him away !” The crowd was shouting such warnings as I approached, my curi- osity aroused by the hullabaloo which I had heard two blocks away. Obviously, something serious was happening. The streets were tilled with idlers, it being Labor Day. “Tie his hands and feet! Gag him!” roared the burly leader of the crowd. He was dressed in bright, ret 5 clean overalls, as were all the rest of the mob. “Now we'll go lock him up. That will keep him out of mischief,” the leader continued. “What has the fellow done?” I asked one of the denim-clad men. “Has he robbed some one?” “Robbed some one? Well, not exactly. He’s a revolutionist!”’ “A revolutionist !” “Yes. He wants to upset Amer- ican institutions!” “Not really !” “Yes. He insists on taking the name of Labor Day seriously, and wants to work.” John C. Emery. Among Her Books 4, IRST FLAPPER: Who is your favorite author? Seconp Farrer: Tolstoi. First Frarprper: Oh he’s perfectly wonderful ! Seconpn FLaprer: Yes, what I’ve heard. they say that’s UZZLE—If exercise will elimi- nate fat, how in the world does a woman get a double chin? LOE La bf fe 7 aS s Sunday School Teacher: aND WHO CAME TO NOAH’S ARK ON THE FORTIETH DAY? y Pupil: THE REVENUE OFFICERS.

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Mother: coME ovuT oF THAT MuD! “NO, MAMA, I WON’T COME OUT’N THE MuD!” Mother: coME OUT OF THAT MUD OR I'LL TAKE THAT STICK TO You! “NO, MAMA, I WON’T COME OUT’N THE MUD!” Mother: 1F you poN’T COME OUT OF THAT MUD YOU’LL HAVE TO TAKE “<< The Unknown IT E was a confidant of Wall Street millionaires. He rubbed elbows with and con- soled many a man who held the making or breaking of an empire in the hollow of his hand. He knew the family histories and skeletons of scores of the bluest of the blue-blooded gentry. He called Governors and Mayors by their first names. He was a friend to all of human- Senators, Tent Colony Commuter: A BATH. YES, MAMA, I GUESS I'LL COME OUT’N THE MuD!” ity that crossed the gilded threshold of conviviality. Yet when he died, he went to his humble grave unsung, and mourned by one little woman in black. He was an old-time bartender. E. E. Garrison. F the swimming vogue continues to gain momentum, there is every prospect that the Channel boats will be forced out of business next sea- son.

WELL, DEAR, WHAT’S FOR DINNER THIS EVENING? Wife: DIDN’T HAVE A CHANCE TO PREPARE ANYTHING ; BEEN HOUSECLEANING ALL DAY. Lucid Interval in the Love Life of a Newly Married sat Couple H" thought ; beside His eyes were beds of glowing em- bers; He had the mien of some one caught By reveries he half remembers. her, deep in It seemed an age... .She waited long For him to speak....At last he muttered, “I think, my love—or am I wrong?— That muffins taste much better buttered.” Her face lit up....Her soulful eyes Flashed up to his with ; cheery ; She kissed away his vague surmise And said in angel tones, “Yes, dearie.” message Elias Lieberman. Pardonable Pride ROWN is a very rich man, but his name is never mentioned in connection with the various banks, factories and other enterprises in which is interested. He writes books on economic sub- jects, and magazine articles on in- dustrial problems, but he never signs them. He never grants an interview. He avoids photographers. He to speak in public. He is the anonymous donor of vast sums to charity. There was but one occasion when he willingly allowed reporters and photographers to approach him. He posed in several positions while the cameras caught him from all angles. He read a prepared statement to the reporters. What’s more, he cautioned them to spell his name correctly. He had just won the deciding match for the cup offered by his club to players with a handicap of thirty or over. retuses Bill Sykes. Unimportant ss OW could they have the wed- ding if the wasn't there?” “Well, no one noticed his absence until the ceremony was over.” groom

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Li LIFE’S Gris Nez-to-Dover Tour A Pleasure Trip for Hot Water Babies (Speaking of the recent successful swimming of the English Channel by Miss Gertrude Ederle, Mr. Hand- ley, her coach, declared that he mapped out her route care ully beforehand and that all she had to do was to follow the “complete set of instructions” which he had ' n for her.) writ Take off from Cape Gris Nez, using your dis- (), cretion as to what you take off. 1.6. Turn sharp left, following whale s to abandoned rotor ship. Continue to Detour to the right to avoid jellyfish, eelwives broken glass. Be careful of floating pineapples, rmelon rinds and semi-submerged grapefruit. Come nto International Marine Parkway at Permanent Base 17, Rum Fleet. Picture ahead | what a head! Take middle current (if it happens running in your direction). Mermaid Marie’s. Hot dogfish and salt-water Beware of the sea serpent. Turn left past d clam lying against bell buoy until you get into 2. Rough water. Put on your skid chains and over on your back. Look out for sharks. 6. Detour. Channel under repair. Skirt iceberg ou are still wearing a skirt) and bear right (if there vens to be a bear on the iceberg) to 1.2. Bad water. Don’t drink it. Go back to 6.0, rmanent Base 17 of Rum Fleet. (Just say you are end of Mr. Ware’s.) Full steam ahead to 21.5. Coral Gables. Engine trouble. Miss three s of the tide and then go to 1. Large patch of floating seaweed. Get out and Look out for needlefish in occasional haystacks. inue to 4. Uncle Joe’s. verfish. Water ice-cream cones and hot Ladies’ parlor. Rest here until a red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbin’ along. Follow robin to IPeNERME VWrte “DON’T YOU GET TIRED OF COMING HERE EVERY SUMMER?” “WELL, YOU KNOW—WHILE THERE’S A LIFE GUARD THERE’S HOPE.” Pocahontas (to Powhatan): your sTANCE IS ALL RIGHT, DAD, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO KEEP THAT LEFT ARM RIGID AND OVER-LOCK YOUR GRIP. 29.5. Large Yellow Barn. Don’t ask me how that got there. Look out for splinters and protruding nails. Go under bridge to 33.1. Appomattox Courthouse. Turn to the left and then to the right and then to the left and then to the right and then to the left and then to the right, bow, dip and shake your feet—Ma-a-a-a-ammy! (And they call it the Charleston!) This will bring you to 35.6. Dover breakwater. business opportunities. 36.3. Choice lots, homesites and Keep right on going to Main Street, Dover. Ye Olde Anchore Inne Hors Dovers a specialty. Shore din- ners, dancing and antiques. And what of it? Henry William Hanemann. Different Standards ETERSON, having formed a liking for his caddy, got him a position for the winter months as head pin-boy in the bowling alleys of his club. Two nights later he missed him and inquired of the steward, who said: “Sorry, sir, but we had to let him go. Five balls disappeared the first night he was on ‘duty and when three more were missed this after- noon it became to take action.” necessary E: Are you averse to necking parties? Sue: Well, who are the parties?

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Life ee R H I N O R H A P $ OD Y bo, wl C ss era . O our Subject condensed to fit this frame pronounce em —vusses WELL 4 © Swooe tage Suen So It seems that this Rhinoceros packs quite a beefy overplus; _albeit he 1S vigorous, for all his carcass mountainous. ~ Wp. | | QO" c@eer cross section of our Subject’s front pins. AW, GEE-various letters.| His skin is something scandalous. 9 > Twould seem ’twere Quite crusteceous, as On his torse sO ponderous it hangs in folds ridiculous. love yOdel of an old bachelor rhinoceros. “But what”, says you, “is this to us, that you should up and babble thus?” Come, come now, do be serious. —within a certain radius. For lo! these here inoceri, though combative, are rather shy and very seldom greet the eye. They want to concentrate, that’s why. cA Cross-section of Our subject's tail L-cross section of our subject's tail They trill their truculent defi across the Afric alkali, 2 mooing, whinny sort Of cry. And they can yodel, if they try. em a p381 cross-section of our subject's mizzenprong,| RU-from above, | UR-not. $0$-your old man. | Our subject are Surprising spry and awful hare to pacify but they'll be goners by and by, like dodoes and the roc supply. - of ” H- actual of bevy. I- . K-manifold, L-spare. P-bees. Q-running $-depot. T-fusilage. U- age. V-master’s bedroom. W- =the spot. Y-I don’t know. one aibino rhino. , | @$ many brunette ditto. I love to see inoceroses astoking their cesophaguses with succulent asparaguses, the perspicacious little cusses. A ~ _ “I ‘A QOHQ \ TG. AA WN AAA KE cross-section of (see succeeding line)— A-cuppa cawfee. A-earth. A-bum cigar, That's why this essay here discusses, like all such highbrow syllabuses, these epidermic omnibuses, these horny-snooted incubuses. 7 P ofessor t. hesperian ‘ogers, Our informant, in a deep study. The Rhino's famous for his fusses and when he fusses, how he musses! That is the time to grab the buses and start your hasty exoduses.

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“’vE GOT SEVEN CHILDREN, THIRTY-NINE GRAN’CHILDREN AN’ “ evident that calamity had fallen zreat city of New York. was reflected those who still remained to go about their daily tasks. It had been a terrible week! Steamship piers had _ been crowded by vast mobs fleeing to foreign lands to escape the awful thing. The Pennsyl- vania and Grand Central Sta- tions had been thronged as never before by multitudes who had heard of the impending doom of the great metropolis and were hastening to Canada and Mexico before the stroke fell. Business was at a standstill. Long lines of deserted trucks blocked the silent streets. T was some YES, AIN’T IT? upon in the sober faces of GRAN’ CHILDREN.” “WELL, Now! ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL!” AN’ THER’ AIN’T ONE 0’ THEM I'D WIPE ME FEET ON.” The Evil Day dire the This In the vicinity of business collapse. AN EAGLE!” Broadway and Forty-second Street, boarded win- dows bore mute evidence to the tragic o-_, 7 \es = «4 y wiih)’ & * = — — y ! f V4 — > © 5 ouateye, OS sf TWENTY-TWO GREAT- The park benches were crowded with men thrown out of employment, among whom two types predomi- nated: swarthy, foreign-looking men 2D? TT Carlisle - 2h with furtive eye and shifty air, who carried ministerial-looking gentlemen with white bow ties and eye- glasses. Together they mingled their tears; together they mourned as those who would not be comforted. Yes, the blow had fallen: THE PROHIBITION LAWS HAD BEEN ENFORCED. F. G. Steelman. How He Felt “T\ID Miss Hihatte make you feel at home?” “No, she made me wish I was.” suitcases, and

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x ss Bawa 7 ye Fair Patient: wy //: My Ne // ‘ 4 x WHAT IS THE BEST WAY OF REDUCING, DOCTOR? Young M. D.: wuy—stor EATING, MADAM. August Lay late, pondering this and that, in especial how 9th witches have come to stand as the epitome of nervousness, and why blotters enclosed by tradesmen with their bills are never any good, falling eagerly upon the mail when it was brought in to me, my pleasure in receiving communications when I am away from home being so great that I do even welcome commercial tidings from rug cleaners and dairy merchants, albeit the treasurers of organized charities do put up to me a fine point of ethics by enclosing stamped envelopes, for I do not like to cast their tuppence into the scrap basket, nor basely divert it to my own use, nor return it to them with- out a contribution. So now when I come upon a letter which I suspect to be from such a source, I do dis- pose of it without opening it, foras- much as by that course I do not know whether or not it contains postage, and I do pray that by so doing I may never spurn the in- formation that a hitherto unheard-of Fair Patient: OMes Peps Diary died A letter from the child of one of my servants, asking me to kinsman hath and left me a legacy. answer various questions for her about the reparations dispute so that she might acquit herself creditably in the secretarial school: which she is attending this summer, and one of them being, What has Mr. Mellon been doing of late to make the peo- ple angry? I did ask Sam if his own ire were up and if so, why, but he did put me off lightly, as is his cus- NOW YOU TELL ONE A ankle peeped out from beneath the hem of her skirt. BUT HOW DO YoU DO THAT? tom when I demand aught which: he deems beyond my comprehension, until I did twit him with evading me through lack of knowledge, which was more than his vanity could with- stand. But the incident did bring me up sharply as to the average citi- zen’s lack of interest in world af- fairs, for Lord! I do confess with shame that it is of greater moment to me that the underhangings be laundered frequently enough or the beef done to the proper turn than to keep au courant with what the min- isters of church and state are seck- ing to bring about through their in- numerable and well-nigh incompre- hensible conclaves....At noon to a tennis party at the Blanks’, where I did encounter several pleasant ac- quaintances, one man hailing me with particular joy because he declared me to be the only person from whom he had seen his wife win money at bridge. Usually when she finishes play, he quoth, she comes up to me and demands, Have you got nineteen (Continued on page 30)

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A Labor-Day Oration OR Labor-Day orators who Pave been making the same speech every year for twenty- five years, and who may feel the need of new material, we append a few points that so far have never been used : 1. Labor creates all wealth. (While this is a little daring, don’t be afraid to make the most of it. The idea is so new that no one will be in a position to contradict you.) 2. Labor and Capital should go hand in hand. (This is perfectly safe, and will make a big hit with the advertisers in the Special Edition of the Labor Press.) 8. Labor wants nothing but its just deserts. (Should please everybody. The conservatives will say, “That’s reasonable,’ and the radicals will mutter, “Absolutely, and we know what they are.’’) 4. In Union there is Strength. (Unique. Should get big hand. Tell story about man who unsuccessfully tried to break bundle of twigs, then broke them easily one by one. Quote Lincoln.) A. Watkins. , Vy hE cap PI Gog Zp PE Adie ds Se Sceratt AAA, a. * 4 +) AS a \ 4 Ry WEs 4 oi Lt WwW Le fF fb P44 Va ENN SSN SS SI J = ~~ OS ; / Yj} 3 9) ¢ | his | ii loft x Sate After the Brawl Mother: pip you FORGIVE JIMMY? Freddy: naw! 1 COULDN’T CATCH HIM. The Meeting MOLLY PITCHER’S GREAT-GREAT- GRANDDAUGHTER KEEPS HER POWDER DRY. (Bill, an author, who has just received his first check for a story, meets Jack, who is the father of a new-born baby.) ILL: Hello, Jack. B Jack: Hello, Bill. Birt: Whattaya think, Jack, I just— Jack: Just a minute. Didja hear the news we—? Biti: It’s been a hard grind, but = Jack: along— Bit: It was a story with a Chi- cago locale, and— Jack: He weighed eight pounds, and— Bitt: What weighed eight pounds? The Missus is getting Jack: The baby, our baby; it ar- rived this morning. Birt: Yeah? Well, I just sold a story. Jack: Yeah? Bitt: Well, slong. Jack: S’long. (They walk in tions. ) Britt: Conceited Jack: Conceited ass! opposite direc- ass ! S. A. S. Poorer Richard “TN this world nothing is certain but death and taxes,” remarked old Benjamin Franklin in 1789. “He probably meant death by taxis,” corrected the side-stepping pedes- trian in 1926.

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Life 0 BN EEE pee SOE ~ Pre. bse © pane noe The Gay Nineties BEFORE THE DAY OF THE SOCIAL REGISTER ONE FRONT LAWNS. FOR INSTANCE-——-A LAWN MEANT COMFORTABLE RESPECTABILITY. GROWING FLOWERS WAS ANOTHER STEP UP THE THESE MEANT COULD TELL WHO WAS WHO IN UP BY THE ADDITION OF A CUT SOCIAL POSITIVE A TOWN BY THE MERE STAR-AND-CRESCENT FLOWER-BEDS RUSTIC TRIPOD WITH A KETTLE OF LADDER——-BUT AN IRON STAG ADDED TO AFFLUENCE, The Pilgrimage A® atmosphere of solemnity surrounds the old home of the hero. Even as the morning sun gilds the tablet upon which is graven the great man’s name, a group of pilgrims is seen approaching from the dis- tance. For this the hero’s home has been set aside; for this the yews, the cedars and the spruces are decked with dew. The song of a bird, clear in the morning air, contrasts with the hallowed stillness of a nation’s shrine. How near the scene approaches unto sublimity! Now the pilgrims are at the gate. Strange sounds fill the air. The Hubert P. Grossman Corporation Fm- ployees’ Benefit Association has arrived for its annual Feed and Field Day with plenty of sardine sandwiches, ice-cream soda and chocolate eake. H. B. Hl. Life and Limb “HIS suspense is awful,” said the flapper when she noticed that her garters allowed her new silk stock- ings to wrinkle.

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Life -b. —- ° Ve Lines Wa Life. Ti Navy Department proposes to build a dirigible three times the size of the Shenandoah. Bigger and Better State Fairs are evidently in order. JL The Army’s mosquito expert says the person bitten should never slap the offender. We knew pacifism was prevalent but we did not know it had penetrated so far. JL The Federal Government announces the perfection of a machine for slicing artichokes. This is misdirected energy. What is needed is a machine to prevent novices from ordering artichokes in the first place. ‘ JL “World’s Oldest Play Unearthed in Egypt.”—Headline. We knew that, if those archeologists kept on digging, they'd eventually get down to “Abie’s Irish Rose.” JL And by the way, the richly deserved success of “Abie’s Irish Rose” seems to be unimpaired by the recent state- ment that forty per cent. of all divorces are traceable to intermarriage between races. +L A burglar broke into a Kansas City store and stole lingerie worth $2,500. The police are searching for a man with a cigar box under his arm. JL Congress has at last discovered a good reason for ad- journing: it has to give the Anti-Saloon League a chance to straighten out its accounts. JL OSxot edo __" Kid: ya GOTTA GIVE ’IM CREDIT FER BEIN’ GAME, BOSS. TH’ PUP’s ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD. The Thin Edge ITH you, my heart is quiet here, And all my thoughts are cool as rain. I sit and let the shifting year Go by before the window-pane, And reach my hand to yours, my dear.... I wonder what it’s like in Spain. Dorothy Parker. Brief Essay on the Automotive Industry HE motor car has increased the ratio of mortality, created appalling traffic problems, contributed to juvenile delinquency, showed half of America how to live beyond its income, and relieved us of the horse fly. There is this distinction, we gather, between the Senate and the House of Representatives: Senators have to buy their own nominations, whereas Congressmen may have theirs bought for them by the Anti-Saloon League. JL “Mr. and Mrs. John Beverlin are rejoic- ing over an eight-pound daughter, their sixth child, since last Saturday.” —Newton (Ill.) Mentor-Democrat. Fast work in the Great Middle West. -L Coo.ipGe economy for the first time has invaded the field of crime, the American people having decided to make a four-year-old murder mys- tery do for another season. The Clock Watcher A BEL: Those are beautiful clocks in your stockings. Maser: Yes, and they don’t need any hands on them, either! Da a Pt oe ~~ a eWA cm. y , See) ~~ — i a Mrs. Boyshform: your HUSBAND HAS GROWN TERRIBLY THIN. Mrs. Stylish-Stout: yes, pooR FELLOW—yYOU SEE, I WAS GETTING 80 TERRIBLY FAT, WE HAD TO DIET.

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Said the Idea Bird to the Motor Kar Kamper

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Jane: THERE’S ONE THING I DON’T LIKE ABOUT JOE— HIS ENGLISH IS BAD. Joan: YES—AND HIS SCOTCH IS TERRIBLE. home. Not that those we saw at $15,000 weren’t good, but we thought that if we had one built we might be able to save money. \nd we certainly did! First of all we got one of those magazines; you know the kind—one hundred pages, eighty-eight of ad- vertising and twelve of reading mat- ter. We didn’t care, though; this time we were after the ads. We had figured on “paying an architect $500, but on reading the ads we found that we could get the plans, specifications, pictures, and what else do you want? of our very house for twenty-five cents. Net sav- ing, $499.75. Neat. Wife had thought we’d save money by having a frame house, but after reading a few more pages we learned that to keep the cold air in or out, and the hot air out or in, we’d have to have the house asbestos-lined, cork-insulated, metal-framed, and stucco-finished. Expensive? Not at all. We could get the whole thing supplied in rolls ready to be nailed S* we decided to build our own Why Pay Rent? on (nails thrown in with each order) and save exactly $1,425 in wear and tear, upkeep and repair. “Would You Save $1,000 If We Showed You How?” That was the headline. Would we? We would. All we had to do was to install their latest heating apparatus; self-light- ing, self-adjusting, self-feeding; everything self except the installing. And plumbing? Nothing but the best; invisible, non-corroding, for- everlasting, at a cost less than the usual plumbers’-delight kind. 20 DEGREES COOLER INSIDE And wear-ever flooring, and steel- framed and paint that never wears off, and insulated pipes, and copperized spouting, and no more coal bills, and save on ice bills, windows, and no fire insurance necessary with this roofing compound, and - Why, the better we bought, the more we saved. ’S the truth; read the ads yourself, The house is all planned now, and by actual savings promised, we'll not only have it built free, but some one is going to owe us $3,426. Elliott Lester. Got a Lot Out of It “WV HAT is your favorite Scrip- tural passage?” the child-labor employer was asked. “** ‘Suffer the little children to come unto me,’”” he replied without an in- stant’s hesitation. GS MALL DOROTHY: What kind of berries are these? SmMaLterR Jane: They're poison- ous. I ate some yesterday.

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AAW Ger) WY yf] a \ | SEPTEMBER 2, 1926 VOL. 88. 2287 “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 598 Madison Avenue, New York Cuarites Dana Grisson, President R. E. SuHerwoop, Editor F. D. Casey, Art Editor EYWOOD BROUN in the World quotes William McFee, the novelist, iPr: as writing to e) him: “Not one of you news- paper men seems to have the slight- est inkling of what is going on in Mexico.” Perhaps not, and how about Brother Supreme Knight James A. Flaherty of the Knights of Colum- bus, who makes demands on our Gov- ernment to protest against the policy of President Calles, and confers with Secretary Kellogg on that sub- ject? One reads that the Knights are raising a million dollars to fight “Russianism” in the Mexican re- public, but does Brother Flaherty really know much about the Roman Catholic Church in Mexico? Has he any information about it that does not come out of clerical sources? One may suspect that the main thing Brother Flaherty knows about the Catholic Church in Mexico is that it is the Roman Catholic Church. Does he know the story about the Spanish friars in the Philippines as told by Herman Kohlsaat in his_ political memoirs published by Charles Scrib- ner’s Sons? Mr. Kohlsaat tells how one day he got an S O S from Roosevelt and dutifully packed a bag and went to Washington to the White House. He found the Presi- dent in trouble. Since we had taken over the Philippines, reports had been coming through the State De- partment of the misbehavior of the Spanish friars. They kept coming and coming and they leaked out Crain Maxwet., Vice-President LancHorNne Grinson, Secretary and Treasurer into the public prints. “John D. Crimmins has been down here,” Roosevelt said to Kohlsaat, “and as good as shook his fist under my nose and told me that if these slanders on the friars did not stop he would see that I would be beaten the next time I ran for office. Now, what am I to do?” Kohlsaat told him that he knew an Army chaplain, a Cath- olic priest, who was a suitable man to send to the Philippines to investi- gate. They sent him. He came home and reported that the half had not been told about the friars; that they had three or four concubines apiece, lived dissolutely, and were unconscionable tyrants. Forthwith they sent the chaplain over to see Cardinal Gibbons. Cardinal Gib- bons was appalled at his stories and sent him to Rome. The upshot of it all was that Congress appropriated seven or eight million dollars and our Government bought out the friars’ lands, shipped the friars all back to Spain, sent over a lot of teachers, and American priests so far as was necessary, and saved the face of the Catholic Church in the United States. Mexico is not as far off as the Philippines. It is much easier to get information about that country. But whether Supreme Knight Flaherty knows any more about the Catholic Church in Mexico than Mr. Crim- mins did about the Spanish friars in the Philippines is quite an interest- ing question. Knowledge of Mexico is not necessarily implied by .Brother Flaherty’s job as Supreme Knight of the Knights of Columbus in the United States. HE record of August with) its wet heat, wind storms and mon- strous rainfalls should have notice from the authorities. Dog days are all well enough but they should not be overdone. Any one who thinks that our behavior about the foreign debts has so dis- turbed the human mind as to bring on the violent storms and extremes of heat that we have had is entitled to that opinion and should be encour- aged in it. Either because it has been so hot and so wet and uncom- fortable or for other reasons the American mind does seem to have forged ahead considerably towards a wiser attitude about the foreign debts. One thinks with satisfaction of Mr. Mellon at Evian on Lake Geneva turning over in his mind what he has gathered in his discourses with European financiers. What looks more likely than it did is that the United States will be a party to a general agreement that will take eare of all the war debts together. Much better support could be had here for a settlement that would clean up all the debts than for such partial settlements as we have had up to now. Mr. Borah, even, might favor that. PUBLIC opinion is moving about those foreign debts and also about As a detail of the Methodist . Inquisition it has gone along prosperously, killing five or six hundred people a year, but the recent round-up of thirty-seven poisoned alcohol. deaths in Buffalo and_ thereabouts made quite a scandal. Mr. Coolidge is a Congregationalist and the Con- gregationalists have no bishops to punch them up and get them excited and organize them for political ac- tion as the Methodists have. Mr. Coolidge keeps quite cool and there has been evidence, though he has said little, that poisoned alcohol as a means of law enforcement does not look as good to him as possibly it does to the Methodist Board of Morals. E. S. Martin.

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The King Can Do No Wrong

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2 Sh, A Fa x aw. is Wort oma WE OB FRAT > At Ne as GF —> ‘aaa bat

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20 se ential Owing to the time it takes to print Lire, readers should verify from the daily newspapers the continuance of the attractions at the theatres mentioned. . The Home-Towners. Hudson—To be re- More or Less Serious ak Gee = Craig’s Wife. Ww Pulitzer Prize Honest Liars. Harris—To be reviewed later. play, and still or st est in town. The Little Spitfire. Cor!—To be reviewed later. l = Donovan Affair. Fulton—To be reviewed Loose Ankles. Bilimore—To be reviewed later. alter. My Country. Forty-Sixth St.—To be reviewed The Great God Brown. KAlaw—A pla later. oe " = Oe ee of it. —~ Sunshine. Lyric—To be reviewed later. Vv good as all th: Lulu Belle. Bel 1... 9 + + At. aifter Comedy and Things Abie’s Irish Rose. Cc going } ba vi ries. At Mrs. Beam’s. am af , as y Cradle Snatchers. Henry, Behave! ( The Ghost-Train. Time The House of Ussher. Ma Re How this sur- What Every Woman f the Ha just as g l as: so in Barrie’s pleasant play. é i Knows. Biiou—Helen nvone wuld 1 iblv be h Len re Ue Eye and Ear Entertainment Americana. Be are ) The Girl Friend. Van ert ilt—Puck t sc } having a certain entertainment value. Tolanthe. Plymouth—Gilbert and Sullivan hat is Gilbert and Sullivan. Good, healthy Kitty’s Kisses. Playhouse—A thin show with good dancing re A Night in Paris. Forty-F: ‘ .¢ nce’ Gi ian 1 + LOW atu R } Scandals of 1926. Apollo—George White has gathered together. Ann Pennington, Willie Howard, Harry Richman, Tom Patricola and Frances Williams, in his biggest and best show. Sunny. New Amsterdam—And speaking of good shows, here is that one with Marilyn Miller and Jack Donahue which you will have a hard time beating. The Vagabond King. Casino—They have been singing this almost a year now. Vanities of 1926. Earl Carroll—To be reviewed later ALCL. Ziegfeld Revue. Glohe—James Barton, Rae Yooley and Andrew Tombes, among others, in a very pleasant bill, with colored lights. Committee of Welcome A NEW YORK man was robbed of $200,000 worth of jewels as he stepped from a taxicab in Minne- apolis. After all, there is no par- ticular reason why a New Yorker should not be made to feel at home in any of our enterprising Western cities. ~HE: I’m on my way to the beach. He: I hope you have a pleasant strip! nw ne ‘ ny mh Ni - Ou iin a WAY NY AT 5 \ i i Was he Mad ? was he Sad? Did he get in bad with Dad? =~! a ey L.ry pe ery ’ le” > GS \j} } Z . TMD Wh & igen a ih iy? tH) = ‘ — ail, SHAKESPEARE SEES HOW “HAMLET” CAN BE MADE TO PAY a ———

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,ife 21 Repétition Générale Preparatory to Going Into Our Dance | begins to look now as if there were going to be ] nother theatrical season after all. For a while there, during the humid spell, there was some talk of never having any more plays at all, just stereopticon In some theatres the ushers outnum- lectures in caves. bered the patrons to such an extent that the latter demanded a ten-yard handicap—and, what is more, got it. ‘Che whole situation was very critical. But now there seems to be some idea of opening up new plays whether people are coming to them or not, which, you must admit, shows a fine spirit. B' FORE taking up, in our next lecture, the plays in the vanguard of the new season, let us consider for a moment several fundamental principles of dramaturgic success. Vote to patrons who have already begun to walk out, Stick around—we’re only kidding.) lake Aristophanes. The scene in “The Canaries” be- tween Epaminondas and Clythus: t.paminonpas: And yet, Clythus, you say that you not brought to Libya any-desire for gain. Is this lilosophic system? LytTHus: You argue at cross purposes, Epaminondas. Vhat I said was that no eighteen-year-old girl was going o make a sucker out of me, Chrysler or no Chrysler. EpamMinonpas: It’s the same thing. of this through and including Beaumont and Fletcher, in trace the progress influence up WE whose “All’s A Merry Wrinkle” the entire action is built up, cone-shaped, to a climax with the entrance of Robin and his fellow bucklers when he tells Maid Margot hat he has captured the falcon and that if she wants it ck she can come and get it at his chambers that night midnight. This, in a way, marks the definite shift es uM 2,5 ZAIN from the Sixteenth Century romanticism to the clear- cut and healthy vulgarity of Congreve. In Congreve we find the logical root,of our modern realism. Long paragraph follows, ending in “—-with the possi- ble exception of O’Neill and Brieux, and the rest of the Twentieth Century realists.” “e HIS brings us to the strictly modern development of the metaphysical drama, or the “You-Must-Guess” School. Here we have the entire responsibility placed on the audience. The audience must guess what it is all about, and if it can’t, it just proves that it isn’t ready for such things. In this branch of dramatic writing, Man, or the “Man-Objective,” is paramount. The author says, in effect, “I am thinking of a word—a phase—a state of mind. It has to do with Man and his mute strivings. You have twenty questions, none of which I will answer. What is it?” A good way to disguise the aim of such plays is to have the characters either wear masks or else call one another by the wrong names throughout the play. If you have a hero named Ralph Rascal and you have every one call him Luther Romney, you not only show how Man in his futile struggle with Fate seeks refuge in the escape of an alias, but you throw your audience off completely and show them up to be a lot of saps. This counts ten. SRAIR=SFG ALL of which brings us to the opening of the present season, 1926-27, and the announcement that “No More Women” opened at the Ambassador Theatre on a Monday and closed on the following Saturday, and that “Pyramids” and “The Nic-Nax of 1926” were also in the obituary column. The first real success of the season seems to be “Americana” at the Belmont, which we will take up next week in this very space. The outside reading for the week will be to the bottom of Page 43 in “The Lazy Colon.” Robert Benchley. CSS PEBRZSSD

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" HE UNEARTHLY,” by Robert Hichens (Cosmopol- itan), reminds me of that im- mortal stanza: “King Solomon and King David led very merry lives, Their concubines were numerous, and numerous their wives; But as old age o’ertook them, they got religious qualms, So Solomon wrote the Proverbs and David wrote the Psalms.” Because, after making his reputation through exotic atmosphere and warm Y ou'll Know them by their fasée/ OLD HICKORY FLAKES oa Gaede oe. Life and Letters 2 eet et i= a ee eee tee A= = A. — = SSS and worldly heroines, one of whom inspired our Mr. Arthur Guiterman to his deathless line, “I hope to God a lion bit her!” he has now, in the twilight of his career, turned to the second coming of Christ for mate- rial, and written a novel around a Russian Jew, Peter Kharkoff, who makes every one he meets long to be a better boy or girl, and uncon- sciously draws an elderly woman from the comfortable fastnesses of her cathedral town and a young one Gosh hore the name ‘ 4 You'Lt KNOW THEN BY THEIR TASTE y— The Forgetful Customer PROVING CONCLUSIVELY THE VALUE OF A WELL-CHOSEN SLOGAN. “iD _ from the gaieties of the London season at a time of the year when Geneva, his temporary headquarters, is no place for any individual not vitally concerned with the League of Nations. It is all very spiritual and noble, even if, in ordér to make an ending, the most attractive character in the cast is forced to commit suicide. I must state frankly that the Mes- sianic motif in fiction is one of which I prefer to steer clear. There is money in it, of course, as the tre- mendous box-office success of “The Fool” proved, but the trouble is that the modern perpetrators of the theme fail to give the Apostles credit for an Third floors back may come and go, but the Sermon on the Mount is still available even in our fifth- rate hostelries, and if I am to be given any Gospel, I want to take it straight. If, however, you care to watch a London Society girl journey from things that are seen and tem- poral to those that are unseen and eternal, “The Unearthly” is the book for you. The course is five hundred and twenty pages, but you can skip the frequent passages in which she merely looks out the window and thinks. Even though Mr. Hichens dismisses Imogen as cured, I should not like to wager on the outcome of her next encounter with an attractive young man. assist. - HE CABALA,” by Thornton Niven Wilder (Albert and Charles Boni), is something really choice, and I recommend it herewith to all those who are eager to keep in touch -with the best in modern lit- erature. On second thought, I recommend it even to those who aren’t. It consists of five episodic sketches of members of the sophis- ticated Roman group which gives it title, who, when functioning nor- mally, “blocked, from a purely dis- interested love of Church tradition, the canonization of several tiresome nonentities;...saved the taxpayers of Rome the purchase of hundreds of modern Italian paintings;... (Continued on page 32) let re) do sh ve th th be

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on en ‘ot of ad an er ~ ch . he ne un nt h- be to Cy nd ok ed ip he nd ns ld of ve ds Historic Note EACHER: What happened in Europe in 1914? SamueL: My Papa and Mamma left Russia. Yes; It’s a Great Educator ETTYSBURG: The Lincoln Highway along there is a great relief after the mountains. You can do forty easily and don’t have to shift gears. We would have stopped at the battlefield but we wanted to get to York before all the rooms in the new chain hotel were taken. Philadelphia: The Sesquicenten- nial didn’t bother us any. We knew a short cut across the city so that by turning over to the northeast we missed all the traffic. The children were a little disappointed at not see- ing the Liberty Bell but we got them some ice-cream cones this side of Trenton to make up for it. New York: Why, driving in traffic York is no harder than driving right here in Jonesville. And having the car with you gives you a better chance to get around to all the historic points. If we hadn't been in a hurry to get out on the Boston Post Road before dark we'd have seen some of them, I'll tell you. Boston: There’s a city that stirs your patriotism. Did I tell you what the traffic cop said to me there? Well, if I hadn’t been going on to Gloucester that night I’d have stayed over just to report that gentleman. Jonesville: Well, touring is a great educator, all right. But when in New DEVICE FOR ELIMINATING BACK-SEAT DRIVERS A WY jy { Hf y hl, WGEY ~ ey Mr. Woof (the Club’s chronic kicker) : sex HERE— YOU'RE THE CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE COMMITTEE. RIGHTS. Chairman (wearily): WeELL—wuat Is IT Now? Mr. Woof: THERE ARE NO it comes to living in any of the towns we saw I wouldn’t trade old Jones- ville for all of them. McCready Huston. The Mountain Gets the Jump on Mahomet *“(XOLONEL” Jerry Conklin has abandoned his plan to run an excursion from Woodpit to New York City. When asked for an ex- planation he said: “Well, arrange- ments were about completed when I learned that ‘Abie’s Irish Rose’ was booked into the local Strand for a three- nights’ engagement. ‘Course that killed the excursion idea, for why should any one go to the city this hot weather when a company playin’ ‘Abie’s Irish Rose’ is comin’ right here to town?” E. T. C. Definition RY DOCK—the process of dock- _ ing naval appropria- tions for further ex- penditures on Prohi- bition enforcement. 299 “‘w’'s IT’s UP TO YOU TO PROTECT THE MEMBERS’ IN THIS ALPHABET SOUP. If Ibsen Had Written It T’S easy enough to be morbid When one has a paralyzed gall, But the one for my own Is the one who can groan When nothing’s the matter at all. “FRHAT’S about, Sé something to uid Mr. blow West Wind when he saw the flapper’s knee. Chauffeur: WANT TO TAKE A JoyY- RIDE, SWEETIE? Maid: NoT ON YOUR LIFE. MAID MISTRESS. MEMBER, 1M HOUSE, NOT THE THE RE- IN THIS

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He (on the first day in camp): She: yes, BUT HURRY BACK. = OSH, but you’re looking fine, Gelzer, old boy,” I ex- claimed, wringing the hand of my associate. “How did spend the so-called ‘heated term’ ?” “Motoring.” (Gelzer is quite laconic. ) “Motoring?” I questioned. “You haven’t purchased a car?” “No,” replied Gelzer, as calm as President Coolidge landing a fish; “the first Sunday in July I was out for a hundred-mile dem- onstration in the ‘Pulsing Titan’ —fine car, that. The following Sunday Jim Godshalk, who handles the ‘Velvet Six’ agency, took me out demonstrating his car. A great little bus, that, old man. The next two Sundays I was be- ing shown the marvelous riding and hill-climbing qualities of the ‘Jupiter Eight’ and the ‘Frisky Four.’ I guess we covered about three hundred miles those two you I WANT YOU TO HELP PN ON A fA SA ME OPEN ONE SE SS Sk a ay ee How to Tour Economically days. pared the relative merits There were five Sundays in August, so I split them up and com- of the ‘Leaping Six,’ the ‘Super Eight,’ the + Nr Awea wen “VvEeP, BETTY IS A REAL HE-WOMAN. HASN’T A SINGLE FEMININE THING ABOUT HER.” “WOW ABOUT HER LITTLE DAUGHTER THERE?” no HAVE I TIME TO GO FISHING BEFORE SUPPER, DEAR? OF THOSE CANS OF SALMON. ‘Silky Four,’ the ‘Purring Powers’ and the ‘Silent Standard.’ There’s finer pleasure than speeding through the country with the wind in your face and a rib- bon—” “Which bought?” “None,” answered Gelzer. “I can only get away on Sundays and there are about fifty-three other cars that I haven't had demonstrated to me. Figuring nine Sundays to the season, that should take care of my touring requirements for six more years. Where did you spend the so-called ‘heated term’ ?” Arthur L. Lippmann. winding did you say you summer Deciding Factor “T)O you believe it is right to rob Peter to pay Paul?” “It depends entirely on whether I am Peter or Paul.”

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Life CHRYSLER Standardized Quality the Car ~, Guarantees Greater Value to Chrysler manufacturing, like Chrysler engineering, different from ordinary manufacturing—radically and immeasurably different in principle and practice Merely building several cars is one thing. Building four lines of cars under one name and one management in one unified group of plants on a rigid system of quality standardization is a totally different thing. Quantity production has long been standardized — quality standardization has been accomplished for the first time in motor car manufacturing by Walter P. Chrysler. 50, 60, 70, Imperial 80— These car numerals attached to the name Chrysler mean miles per hour and they mean something vastly By J. E. Fields ee... Quantity production has long been standardized — quality standardization has been ac- complished in motor car manu- facturing for the first time by Walter P. Chrysler. At one step this eliminates **purchaser’s risk’’ and makes possible the purchase of either the lowest or the highest-priced Chrysler car with the positive assurance that the quality in each is equally unquestionable. more important than that in creating value. They mean a common basis of quality for all four lines of cars—a rigid system of close measurement and fine manu- facturing applied alike to each and every one of the four lines —a common source of engi- neering skill—a division of overhead and operating costs into four parts—a combination of buying resources—a mag- nificent system of special machines and special proc- esses devised to insure in- variable accuracy in the manufacture of all four lines of cars—a positive protective process of guaranteeing the owner exactly the same basic quality no matter what price he pays or which Chrysler car he buys. Certainty of unsurpassed performance is thus built into every Chrysler car, no matter what its price classification. The Chrysler plan makes possible greater value for the investment than has here- tofore been dreamed by the automobile buyer. At one step it eliminates ‘‘purchaser’s risk’’ and makes possible the purchase of either the lowest-priced or the highest-priced Chrysler with the positive assurance that the quality in each is equally unquestionable. CHRYSLER SALES CORPORATION, DETROIT, MICHIGAN CHRYSLER CORPORATION OF CANADA, LIMITED, WINDSOR, ONTARIO CHRYs TER “BO — 60 —'70- | cuRYSLER MODEL SEER ERS MBO. 88 BER. HOUR 80”

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Te SILENT DRAMA “The Scarlet Letter” ISS LILLIAN GISH—that M lovely lady—adds several cubits to her artistic stature in “The Scarlet Letter.” This, it seems to me, is her finest perform- ance. She generates a mature power, a sense of genuine, grown-up strength which increases enormously the force of her appeal. She has always displayed the fragile charm of a tender bluebell; here she shows that she possesses some of the qual- ities of the sturdy oak. It would be inexcusably indelicate to suggest that Lillian Gish has guts —but she demonstrates in “The Scarlet Letter” that she has. As Hester Prynne, the Iris March of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, she stands up to the best of them and takes punishment with all the heroic endurance cf a Battling Nelson. (The foregoing paragraphs prove that it is dangerous to involve your- self too deeply in metaphors. ) ITH the great work of Miss Gish—and equally great work by Lars Hanson, the leading man, and Victor Seastrom, the director— “The Searlet Letter’ establishes itself as the first fine production of the new season. CC — The Duchess of Buffalo. Constance Talmadge in a frothy farce about an American dancer who gets mixed up in Russian politics. Amusing, some of the time. Into Her Kingdom. Another one about Russia, describing the love affair of a Grand Duchess and a Soviet leader. Corinne Griffith is as ornamental as usual. Don Juan. John Barrymore proves that the world’s foremost lover didn’t even know his strength. A sloppy pic- ture, but an entertaining one. The Son of the Sheik. Back to the burning sands where gentlemen forget themselves. The Wise Guy. A gang of crooks running a series of revival meetings— It has beauty and vitality, in great quantities; it is a true and searching picture of the Puritan period (which is still going on, they tell me). Furthermore, it has been constructed, as to story, with remarkable intelli- gence and appreciation of dramatic values. The credit for this is due to Frances Marion, who has never done a better job in all her profitable career as a continuity writer. ARS HANSON, a recent arrival from Sweden, is splendid as that sad lover, the Rev. Dimmesdale, and there is some effective dramatic re- lief, contributed by Karl Dane, late of “The Big Parade.” I recommend “The Scarlet Letter” without qualification. It is harrow- ing but it is great. “One Minute to Play” OU may not believe me when I teli you this, but Harold (“Red”) Grange has made his début on the screen, and both he and his initial picture are knockout successes. For the first time in history, an overpraised, overpaid athlete has made good in extra-curriculum ac- tivities. The galloping phantom of the gridiron is a gay, likable and utterly unself-conscious figure in the Recent Developments high-powered drama most of the way, but feeble at the finish. Nell Gwynne. Dorothy Gish as the girl who upset the home life of Charles II. Mantrap. Sinclair Lewis's satirical slant on the great North woods, with good work by Clara Bow and Ernest Torrence. The Road to Mandalay. Run for your lives, everybody ; Lon Chaney is out again. It’s the Old Army Game. W. C. Fields wastes his unlimited talents on a very tepid comedy. The Devil Horse. Rex, the hero of this melodrama, is marvelous! Up in Mabel’s Room. Strange go- movies; even if he were to be de- prived of the vast benefits of « col- lege education, he would still deserve to be hailed as a competent film actor. “One Minute to Play” tells of Red’s visit to Parmalee College, which, a sub-title explains, “hasn't won a football game since the Dead Sea took sick.” (The _ sub-titles, which were prepared by Neal O’Hara, are all excellent.) I leave it to the reader to answer the following questions: Does Red get into the game be- tween Parmalee and its traditional rival? Does Parmalee win the game? At what point in the game is the winning touchdown scored? (Hint: See the title of this picture.) Who scores the touchdown? ” NE Minute to Play” is actually far better than “Brown of Harvard,” or any other college pic- ture that I have seen. It is expertly written and directed by Byron Morgan and Sam Wood—who, in- cidentally, were responsible for “Fascinating Youth.” They are hereby forgiven for that atrocity. R. E. Sherwood. ings-on under the bed, and not so funny, either. Men of Steel. Milton Sills breaks a few girders with his teeth. Ella Cinders. Comic-strip with Colleen Moore. Aloma of the South Seas. Ida Gray dances and acts delightfully. Mare Nostrum. U-boat villainy in the Mediterranean, directed by Rex In- gram. : Ben-Hur. The early struggles of Christianity in million-dollar surround- ings. . Variety, The Black Pirate, Moana, The Merry Widow, Sparrows and The Big Parade—these titles are on the re- quired list. cry drama,

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FISHER BODIES hp” Ee caine * + ae © We etn Se TE i THE VOLUME OF FISHER BODIES THIS YEAR IS FAR EXCEEDING ANY PREVIOUS YEAR IN FISHER HISTORY. BUT VOLUME IS NOT GAINED AT THE EXPENSE OF SUPERIOR CON- STRUCTION OR VALUE. EACH FISHER BODY, IN ANY CAR PRICE DIVISION, IS SUPREME IN QUAIL- ITY, SAFETY AND LONG LIFE

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A SUGGESTION TO JEWELERS. —Le Journal (Paris). The Story of Prohibition A PROMINENT New Orleans man aboard a ship leaving New York for Europe called the steward and asked: “Are we outside the twelve-mile limit?’ The steward said they were. “Can I get anything I want—cocktails, whisky, wine—anything without violating the law?” He was told that he could. “Then bring me a lemonade.” New Orleans States. , Don’t Bother Daddy Joan: Daddy, may I——? Dappy (busy): NO! ... may you what?—London Opinion. Tie trouble about being too good- natured is that other people list you as one of their assets, Milwaukee Journal. “l pDIDN’T HEAR A WORRD YE SAID, MRS, MURPHY, BUT YE’RE A 11AR!” —Sketch (London). “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Californiana ApvertisEMENT of an aged bootblack at Long Beach: “Have your shoes signed by a nice old man.” Added inducement offered by the Tebo Restaurant at Indio: “Stove Heat on Winter Nights.” Local Angeles candy store: “Our candies are fresh every day from the studio.” Ethical motif on signboard of green- house: “Chrysanthemums of character.” —Spokane Spokesman-Review. atmosphere in Los Our Weekly Scotch Story A Scor was playing a round of golf with his daughter. “Maggie,” he said, “is to-day your birthday? Weel, then, I'll gie ye this hole."—London Daily Express. Noruine recedes like success. Collier's. “THE LITTLE DONKEY LOOKS RATITER BAD.” “YES. IIE ISN’? FEELING VERY WELL, so WE ARE TAKING HIM FOR A JAUNT IN THE OPEN Arr.” Le Journal Amusant (Paris). For His Ear Tne young married couple had been quarreling, and the wife had retreated into her room, slamming the door be- hind her and maintaining an audible sniffle. summoned the maid and inquired: After a quarter of an hour she “Is my husband still in his room?” “Yes, ma’am.” “Then sit here and cry a few minutes I'm so tired I must take a little rest.” -Klods-Hans (Copenhagen). Her Best Efforts “You have a wonderful cook. She has taken such pains with everything. I could never get a cook like that.” “Tt’s the one you discharged last week, dearie. I told her you were lunching with me to-day.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Romance and Veracity Mr. Kirrtne says that fiction devel- oped when a man told tales about a woman, When a woman told them, of course they were simple fact.—Punch. The New Typist Senior Partner: mow Wwovtp IT Ke IF YOU WENT OUT AND GOT A FEW orpeRS? Junior Partner: wow wou ir BE IF you pip? Starr Wood’s Annual (London), The Era of Mechanics Faster and faster still The wheels go ‘round! Fashioned with wondrous skill Machines abound; They bear us on our way, Strange things to view Which, after all, display Not much that’s new. Where is the gentle lay Of simple grace? Where is the dance so gay In courtly pace? Where is the thoughtful skill, Smart, or profound? Faster and faster still The wheels go ’round! —Philander Johnson, in Washington S Too Many Angels “Tre new patient in Ward B is \ good-looking,” said the nurse. “Yes,” agreed the matron, “but dow He’s had that done by four nurses this morn- ing.” —Tit-Bits. wash his face. Wuartever else may be ailing Illinois, it isn’t cheap politics. —Arkansas Gazette. ”» “THAT CASTLE THERE LOOKS PRETTY OLD. “| SHOULD SAY IT IS PRETTY OLD. I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN IT JUST As IT Is.” —Le Rire (Paris).

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Great Pate cour Hitting Out Mr. Boom and Mr. Steady were busi- ness enemies, but chance had placed them on the same board of directors. One day, after an important meeting, Mr. Boom was holding forth. “There are hundreds of ways of making money,” he said provocatively. “Yes,” put in Mr, Steady, “but only one honest way.” “What way’s that?” asked Mr. Boom sharply. “Ah,” retorted Mr. Steady, “I thought ouldn’t know it!” —Weekly Telegraph (London). you Calling Him \ DISGRUNTLED Composer met a Broad-* yroducer and demanded: “Why do keep reviving Gilbert and Sullivan? Is it to save royalties?” wa) you “No, and Tl hing better.” —Louisville prove it. Write me soni Courier-Journal. “ARSOLUTELY, AND \ golf courses, » similes: As searce as abandoned New Orleans Times-Picayune. Conclusive “RE YOU QUITE SURE YOUR Is NOT AT HOME?” ITERE’S PROOF OF IT—1’M SMOKING ONE OF I1IS CIGARS.” —Le Ruy Blas (Paris). 29 Compromise A gued for months as and his bride ar- to whether they should go in for bicycles or a motorcycle. Meeting a friend one day, the husband told him it, “But, thank goodness, we have agreed at last, 1” “And what have you agreed on?” “On proudly, younc husband about and added: my wife and a baby carriage,” he replied, Fliege nde Bliétter (Munich), Nothing better tor sluggish appetite than Abbott's Bitters. Sample by mail, 25 cts. C. W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md Natural Talent I'ue boy who used to catch more fish with a bent pin than a man with fifty dollars’ worth of tackle,” server, “now has a son who can play better golf with stick rubber ball than a man with matched clubs, nine-dollar caddie.”—Det roit ur says an ob- a shinny and a seventeen socks and a News. MASTER cates LonDOoN theatre in which it will be possible to dine, sup, dance, and see a play. We thought there'd catch in it. (London). is to have a be a Hlumorist published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, tain, Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U. S. ‘fice. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign n the Postal Union, $1.60 a year; to Canada, 80 cents. Back nnot be supplied. rt and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. Britain apply to Lire, Rolls House, idon, E. C., England. For Reprint Rights Breams Buildings, Fetter The foreign trade supplied from Lire’s London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. ©. Canadian distributor, The American News Company, Ltd., 386-388 St. James Street, Montreal, Canada. No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unsolicited contributions Notice of change of address should reach this office two weeks prior to the date of issue to be affected. THE BOY WHO LEARNED TO RUN AN APARTMENT ELEVATOR BY CORRESPONDENCE, Wetzel stablished 1874 2and 4 E. Fo rty -Fourth Street NEW YORK = ——— ! The prestige of WETZEL as tailors | for gentlemen is rec- | ognized throughout the world. Copyright by Wetzel

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There’sanEversharp for you in any style and size you want. This one sells at $3 Wahl Pens are made ' . 7] 4 in new shades of mot- tled, red and black. This one sells at $7

A great team is the hand and brain, no matter what your goal. Train them together,in school and in the game of life, for your victory. Out of the shifting play of the mind, select and perfect that flashing thought which promises Success. Drill yourself in the practice of fining it down to fighting trim: Put st on Paper! v v Success waits on the man who keeps in line with his thinking those best friends of an active brain, EVERSHARP WAHL PEN > 1926, The Wahl Company, Chicago

Life Mrs. Pep’s Diary (Continued from page 10)

dollars on you? It always seems to be that very sum, so that I do believe she loses but part of it and holds out the difference. August Up betimes, and off by motor to Schoharie, where 10th I did spend so many sum- mers in my childhood, finding, to Sam’s intense interest, the names of some of my forbears carved on the Old Stone Fort, but when we did fare on to Middleburgh and discover that the handsome old interior of the Dutch Reformed Church there had been redone, and the high pews of black walnut supplanted by hideous modern benches of Methodist-looking light wood, highly stained, it was all I could do to keep back the tears, and Sam was at some pains to re- strain me from going to the Town Hall and protesting to those in au- thority. Arrived back in time for tea, for which a small and cheerful company was gathered, amongst them a woman who did tell me that a wag in the recorder’s office who procures passports for the citizens of her village had remarked to her, the last time she arranged to go to Europe, Isn’t it the most curious thing, Mrs. Apthorp, that Mrs. Bis- bee, your twin sister, should be seven years younger than you? We did speak, too, of the things which lie about us to which we give small heed, most of us being so unobserv- ing as not to be able to answer the simplest question about objects which we encounter daily, but Lord! such an accusation cannot be made of Sam, who does look about him so alertly in order not to miss anything when we stroll the streets, that it would seem as if he were a fugitive from justice, and a companion less wise than I to his integrity and inno- cence would not be surprised to have him tapped suddenly on the shoulder, with the remark, Now come quietly along with me, my man; it’s useless to resist.... Bridge after dinner, and so, after reading a little in Robert Hichens’s “The Unearthly,” to bed. Baird Leonard. The Day to Marry CTOR: Let’s get married on Friday the thirteenth, just to show we are above superstition. Actress: Good—then we'll always have something to blame it to. AIRY, STORY—Once upon a time there was an after-dinner speaker who did not pretend that his

| The dread Pyorrhea | begins with bleeding guns UST as the strength of a building is depend ent upon its founda- tions, so are healthy teeth dependent up- on healthy gums, Permit the gums to come inflamed of tender and you weak- enthefoundationof the teeth. This condition is called Pyorrhea, Loosening of teeth is a direct result. And spongy, recedinggums invite painful tooth decay. They act, too, as so many door- ways for diseasegerms to enter the system— infecting the joints or tonsils—or causing other ailments. Pyorrhea attacks four out of five people who are over forty. And many un- der that age. also. Its firstsymptomistender ms. So you should k to your gums! Use Forhan s, which sitively prevents Py a if used in time and used con sistently. It also scientifically cleans the teeth—keeps them whiteand clean. Brush your teeth with it. If gum- shrinkage has already set in, Start using Forhan’s and consult a den tist immediately for special treatment. 35c and 6c tubes All Drv Rgists Netw YORK } «SPECIALIST IN” } DISEASES OF THE wm PREPARED FOR THE PRESCRIPTION oF THE b oewrau PROFESSION rhanys| FOR THE GUMS

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Life | : —EE———— 222 out of 325 Bankers express the usual preference—Gillette | BANKERS are famous for accuracy of judgment; their whole training and experience have taught them to be sure before passing an opinion. So when actual interviews disclose that out of 325 bankers, 222 name the Gillette as the means they take to a smooth, com- fortable shave, it is another proof that, based on the perfection of its shaving service, Gillette pre-eminence is an indis- putable fact! Whether you have a beard “like wire” or as soft as silk, your GOOD shavwe will become a PERFECT shave if you read “‘Three Reasons” —a new shaving booklet just published in a new edition. A postcard request and we'll gladly send you a copy with our compliments. “GILLETTE SAFETY RAZOR CO. BOSTON, U.S.A. $5 0 $75 The New Standard In Gold Plate, $6. In Silver Plate, $5. “The New Improved (; I llette SAFETY <@i RAZOR THE @QVUAtLTIO TY RAZOR oF ae WORLD

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How did you make our dull looking car so beautiful?” “| SIMONIZED IT’ There’s no need to have a dull neglected looking car. SIMONIZING easily and quickly removes ULM ettetmmel tae) ese telesee tere! restores the luster. SIMONIZING is in a class by itself. Save time and money by insisting on SIMONIZ. THE SIMONIZ CO. 2116 Indiana Avenue, Chicago NEW YORK LONDON PARIS

Life

Life and Letters (Continued from page 22) interested public opinion in the faint smell of drains that is wafted through the Sistine Chapel’; and had the sense to send to Berlin for a doctor when an oak forest fell ill in the Borghese Gardens. All of these worthy activities against the most sumptuous and frivolous _ back- grounds, some of them “in rooms which, though the originals of hun- dreds of bad copies on Long Island, were here the secret shame of their owners,” whose ideal residence was a hotel on the Embankment. An in- teresting parade of personalities, from the Princess d’Espoli, in whom “there was something that a little prevented her making friends; namely, intelligence,” to Dame Steuert, who “seemed to be forever surrounded by a ballet of curates and widows who, at her word, rose and swayed and passed the scones.” And all of it lightly presented by a young man who most certainly knows where to look for his material and how to whip it into shape for jaded customers. | °° OT SATURDAY,” by Harvey Fergusson (Knopf), is a tale of woman, the huntress. Its setting is a Southwestern town where eli- gible young men are virtually non- existent, and its plot is concerned with the sardonic attempt, the action of which covers only a day, of a per- sonable young woman to land as a husband an Eastern visitor who will take her “‘out of it all” to a civiliza- tion of bright lights and butlers. She is a heroine with an amazingly natural faculty for dramatizing her- self, and with the philosophy to re- flect that “if she had done everything she got credit for, life wouldn’t have been so dull.” It is only after the pitiful fiasco of her day’s effort that she recklessly commits one of the in- disecretions for which she has been | getting credit. When her Easterner | eame back the next morning to dis- count the seeds of doubt which had been sown in his soul by jealous rivals,and proclaimed, “I don’t believe a word any one says about you.... Ruth, I know you're good!” I turned hopefully to the next page, but all I found thereon was some Italic be- ginning: “The type on which this book has been set is based on the de- sign of William Caslon,” ete. So the reader will have to figure out Ruth’s future for himself. “Hot Saturday” is a good piece of work—what Miss Loos’s Lorelei might consider “quite a little con- tribution” to American fiction. Baird Leonard.

Is This Tobacco a Part of Every College Education? Considering the recent discussions pro and con on the value of college educa- tion, it is interesting to hear from an old graduate who found at least one subject useful in later life. That was pipe-smoking. Read his letter: Larus & Bro. Co. Richmond, Va. It was at college that I learned to sn Edgeworth. Of course I also learn few other things at college. One wa play football. Another was to study t dead languages. Now, fifteen years la have given up playing football studying dead languages, but have not given up smoking Edgeworth tobacc: It was a sort of tradition for each fi as he threw off the toga of boyhood ; l put on the cloak of young manhood + adopt the smoking of Edgeworth as ; symbol of his entrance into man’s estat Being fortunate enough to enjoy the passing mildness and sweetness of Ed worth right at the threshold of his smok- ing career, each young fellow as a general rule found any other tobacco unsatisfyi and adhered to Edgeworth year after y« When I have met some of them m years after I have often inquired: “Still smoking Edgeworth ?’ Almost invariably the answer has beer “Yes; I still like it better than any ot! it’s got a very pleasant flavor. And i mild; it never burns the tongue.” (signed) Frank H. Wilson. Let us send you free samples of Edgeworth so that you mdy put it to the pipe test. Ifyou like the samples, you'll like Edge- worth wherever and whenever you buy it, for it never changes in quality. Write your name and ad- dress to Larus & Brother Company, 16-U S. 21st Street, Richmond, Va. We'll be grate- ful for the name and address of your tobacco dealer, too, if you care to add them. Edgeworth is sold in various sizes to sult the needs and means of all pur- chasers. Both Edgeworth Plug Slice and Edgeworth Ready-Rubbed are packed in small, pocket-size packages, in handsome humidors holding a pound, and also in several handy in-between sizes. To Retail Tobacco Merchants: If your jobber cannot supply you with Edge- worth, Larus & Brother Company will gladly send you prepaid by parcel post a one- or two-dozen carton of any size of Edgeworth Plug Slice or Edgeworth Ready-Rubbed for the same price you would pay the jobber. Richmond, Va.—the Edgeworth fi On your radio—tune in on WRVA, ] Station. Wave length 256 meters.

ri. wala uit

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“I’m sure of a perfect drive now—always out of tie rough and on the fairway.” “How’s that?”’ “Kelly-S pring field tires.”

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Life It’s the only face you’ve got The only face, too, that you’ll ever have. The question is: Do you like it well enough to treat it right—give it, every morning, the comfort of a Complete Mennen Shave. Take it from me, you'll feel a whale of a lot fitter and peppier if you do. It’s one of those things which you can’t begin to appreciate until you’ve actually tried it out. I tell you what you do. Go around to the drugstore tonight. A tube of Mennen Shaving Cream will set you back only 50 cents for the big size— a size that spells true economy. Then tomorrow morning, lather up and go to it. Honest, men—it makes all the difference in the world. You’ll get the big- gest, quickest lather you ever built. And the Dermutation process will take every ounce of fight out of your whiskers. Swish! Your razor goes through as clean as a fire engine through traffic. Your face is left smooth as a new dollar bill. After that, Mennen Skin Balm. It costs only half a buck for a big tube that will last you months. A little squeeze rubbed over the face and boy —it’s the freshest, pleas- antest sensation you ever had. A zippy, tingling coolness — allaying all skin irrita- tion—toning up the tissues. Takes away all the shiny look. And it’s all absorbed in half a minute. For the final touch—Mennen Talcum for Men. A quarter a tin and atin goes a long way. Dust a little over your face—it doesn’t show. But it does dry out all the moisture the towel doesn’t reach. It’s antiseptic. Spreads a soft, gossamer film that protects against the elements or collar irritation. You go down to breakfast feeling as if you had a personal valet working for you. And that’s that. Come on now, fellows. Get next to yourself. Your face—the only one you’ve got—will welcome 365 Mennen shaves a year. Why not reach out and get the best there is? tse Hew (Mennen Heng. MSAASN Lire’s Fresh Air Fund Pleads for the ‘‘Left Over’’ Children [F we could only think of some great, awakening words with which to stir you, so that you would help us over these last few terrible weeks of summer! Words that would show you, as never before, the plight of the little boys and girls of the Lower East Side of New York. You have heard of slums—and tenements—squalor— terror—illness—heat—panting little bodies—city-sick little souls! What is left? No words that we know of —but they themselves are left. They, the little ones who have not had a single breath of country air all this long, torrid summer. But even now, if you rally to the cause, we can give them a bit of green earth, cool air and fresh milk. Lire’s Camps for needy children will remain open for a while to take in those weary little stragglers who come to us, stumbling, at the end of the long procession of youngsters who have been your guests and ours this summer. Because the heat “broke” for a bit last week, don’t think that summer is over. It didn’t “break” in those stifling rooms behind the baked walls of the slums. Out of these high, nar- row tenement windows little faces are peering to-day — little eager, hungry eyes are looking to see if you will turn your heads, and your hearts, their way just for a moment. Will you? Don’t hide away from those young eyes. Just smile into them and—send us what you can for the Camps. Twenty Dollars ($20.) pays for one child for eighteen days at either of the Camps. Anything less than that goes to make up the sum neces- sary for one child. No amount is too small to receive our deep and ap- preciative thanks. We need — these little “left over” children need— every penny we can get. If your name has not appeared this year upon the lists of great-hearted donors to the Fresh Air Fund, put it on now. Join us. Help us. Let us give the little “left overs” a taste of undiluted joy. L. A. F. Previously acknowledged............ $13,034.38 S. R. Spencer, Suffield, Conn 20.00 Hamilton Abert, New York 50.00 A. Teasland, San Francisco 1.00 Nirs, Walter Reade, Deal, N. J 5.00 : Falbe, Milwaukee, 1.00 Sin memory of Doctors Tom, Dick and Harry,” Rome, N. Y 10.00 M. B. M., Sharon, Px 10.00 Fred L. Gross, Brooklyn, v. 25.00 Sue Carns, Hartsdale, N. Y 20.00 Watertown Lodge : a N. Y 10.00 W. Alexander, Seattle, Wash 10.00 Mire A. Krause, Chicago 2.00 Dr. May H. Sampson, Berkeley, Calif. 5.00 Memory—Alice C. Kirkwood, Colorado Springs 10.00 =| Hugh Bahlert, Pound, Wis.... 2.00 Ella J. Robbins, Fostoria, O WHITING’S Celebrated Brushes ADAMS Superior Brushes They “break in” quicker and last longer than any other you can get. That is the reason why they are Standard Equipment with all good painters. WHITING-ADAMS BOSTON BRUSH MAKERS FOR 118 YEARS Florence B. Currie, Columbia, Mo... Helen Wilson, Cincinnati Martin Screen & Metal caster, P E. L. Starling, Jr., W. J. Littlejohn, heeniene. Dr. A. V. Salomon, New York. “In loving memory of Estelle man,” New Miss Roberta Donak Ison, Cleveland.. Miss F. M. Underwood, Mechanics- burg, Pa. “W. H. M.,” Suffern, N. Y C. L. Goldthwait, Winchester, : Gladys W. Brooks, Marshall, Mich.. T. S. Sullivant, Philadelphia seveesas (Continued on next page) still quenches thirst, cools the parched throat and by its de- lightful flavor and refreshment restores the joy of life. Nothing else can give you so much en- joyment for so little. G43 Remember Wrigley’s After Every Meal At | =—— or ss ga | eee) | 2 oh . | eS ee oO

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Life

Headache Corner Edited exclusively for those who are occasionally afflict- ed with headaches. ey are our best people, the ones with the superiority complex. X -/ A Ww \ i Edited by HENRY HEADACHE Gladys Glimp of Missouri writes: “Why do you make a joke of headaches? They are not funny, you poor simp.” * * x Gladys, old dear, a sense of humor means you know when the ke is on yourself, * * * \nd the joke is on you if you keep on having headaches— cs 9 *” If you let them make you look prematurely old, distract you from work or enjoyment, and put your nerves and digestion on the blink. * *k * he following information is not wr ladies only: * * * There is a sure, quick and easy way to chase the stubbornest idache—and without harmful or depressing after-effects. * * * Just ask your druggist for “the fe, balanced prescription that has been relieving headaches for ver 35 years.” * * He'll hand you Kohler-Antidote. Kiss the nice druggist!

Cream of Scotch Homespuns, direct HARRIS TWEED yomrepuns,. ciret lengths by post, £2.00 per yd. Samples free on stating shades desired. NEWALL. 277 Stornoway, Scotland. Gis (oar CLARK’S FAMOUS CRUISES JAN. 29 MEDITERRANEAN, $600 up; JAN. 19 ROUND THE WORLD, $1250 up. SPECIALLY CHARTERED STEAMERS. REASONABLE RAT ES INCLUDE HOTELS, GUIDES, DRIVES, ULSD. F. C. CLARK, Times Bldg., N. Y. 63 KN Se IMPERIAL ee] a a For More Than 50 Years the Same Quality—Formula— Virtue Never Has Been Changed Be fair with yourself. KNOW the facts and face them fairly. Write for free booklet, ‘“‘How to Have Beautiful Hair and a Healthy Scalp.” H. CLAY GLOVER CO., Inc. Dept. P 66 119 Fifth Ave., N. Y.

C. A. S., Cambridge, Mass A. van Horne Stuyvesant, Jr., Yo Mr. Wash. Mrs. F. T. Hunt, “For N. . O.,”" N. Manchester, Ind. 10.00 Mrs, S. M. Haslett, Alameda, Calif.. 20.00 Mrs. Thomas F,. Baxter, Stockton, Calif. 20.00 Mr. and Mrs. S. Mitchell, Visalia, Calif. 5.00 A. V. Cady, New Rochelle, 5.00 ; W. Mersereau, Portland, Ore.... 25.00 Robert A. Hetler, Conyngham, , 5.00 Julius Reich, New York 2.00 John Edwin Lutz, 2nd, Tenn. 7.00 Brown Atkin Craig, Knoxville, Tenn. 6.00 C. O. G, Miller, San Francisco 25.00 Mrs. H. W. Hemphill, Atlantic City, N 10.00 . Ottenheimer, New York 3.00 , a ® Boerner, Port Washington, Wi is, 5.00 Juliet M. 10.00 Mrs. B. Cc. F incke, a ‘air Haven, N. J. 5.00 D. H. P., Ashland, 10.00 Mrs. Francis H. Swi ft, 20.00 Jessica Bayliss, Huntington, 10.00 Mrs. John C. Kirby, New Brighton, N. Y. 3.00 An anonymous lover of children. 20.00 Ethel M. McIntosh, Plainfield, N. % 10.00 Janet R. Parker, Salt Lake City..... 5.00 Grace C. Hulbert, Windsor, N. Y.. 15.00 Mary Killjou, Windsor, N. Y 10.00 Mrs. Julia McD, Ky. 5.00 Cornelia D. N. Y c arrie B, Beall, Hampton, Va.... sae “2 “In memory of E. E. B.,” Springfield, Mass. 20.00 Dr. $20.00 30.00 50.00 5.00 East Weymouth, 25.00 20.00 5.00 2.00 Helen | Hurlburt, Albuquerque, N. Mex. 2.00 ieut.-Com., ms @ Steiner, Phila- delphiz 5.00 Frank P. Rand, Amherst, Mass. 5.00 V. A. Crossman, Brooklyn, N. Y. 25.00 Mrs. F. S. Foltz, Washington, D. c 10.00 Gertrude B. Whittemore, Naugatuck, Conn. 50.00 Brooklyn, N. Y 20.00 S. Shriver, New 25.00 Mrs. W. Ladd, Philadelphia 5.00 John H. Hewitt, Seattle, Wash 20.00 G J. C. Je., Philedelphia......<00 1.00 Mrs. H. W. Phillips, H: ardeeville, S.. C. 10.00 Mrs. Louise M. Remington, Boston. 20.00 Ida V. Jucks, i 20.00 = vA Be” P 20.00 Tex. Mrs. R. Bates, De 5.00 Mrs. Jane M. Chiles, Evansville, Ind. 20.00 In memory of brother—J. H. Ma- huken, Anonymous, Mrs. Maude Bayonne, N. 25.00 Albert and Constance Brumley, Pel- ham, N, Y Betty Howe, Islip, N. Kate M. Walker, St. Louis, In memory of George J. Hartford, Watchman—Los F. Worrall Ecker, Jr., W. T., New York Mrs. E. F Mass. Emma C, Mass. 75.00 Mrs. Calif. Dr. J. L. Bower, Philadelphia. ace. L. C. Kleinhaus, Tom's J. Kaw W. Blake, Quogue, N. Y. Mrs. Edward Crabbe, Tom’s 25.00 10.00 10.00 Capewell, 25.00 pS 2.00 Rye, N. Y. 10.00 15.00 20.00 15.00 . 20.00 River, 10.00 ere 10.00 River, N. 5.00 Irma ‘and Elizabeth Smithton, cinnati C. K. Barkdull, Mrs. Spencer Cosby, Miss S. Grace Fraser, = R J. Leonard, 20.00 Lakewood, 5.00 ( Cenk 5.00 Hastings, N. 10.00 Pelham Manor, 10.00 Mrs Franklin Dexter, Prides C rossing, Mass. Mrs. C. Alvord, Torrington, Conn. 25.00 Miss Priscilla Mason, Whitinsville, Mass. ccccccccccese 12.00 10.00 $14,416.38 Lire’s Fresno Arr Funp has been in opera- tion for the past thirty-nine years. In that time it has expended $322,822.71 and has given a happy holiday in the country to 48,647 poor city children. Contributions, which are acknowledged in Lire about three weeks after their receipt, should be made payable to Lire’s Fresu Arr Funp, and sent to 598 Madison Avenue, New York.

Rakish and distince tive is this new Mie lano. Smart, what? —It's No. 1780. ‘The Sweetest Pipe In The World Your Pipe costs so little for “up- keep” that you deserve the best there is. And the best suggests — Its bowl, hand-fashioned from ce tury-old Italian briar, is as ge as a Stradivarius. So sweet a smoke, so comforting and cool a smoke will not be met in any other pipe! Marry Milano to your favorite tobacco and they'll live happily forever after! Milano comes in 37 smart shapes, smooth finish, $3.50 up. Rustic mod- els, $4.00 up. All are “Insured” for your protection. Look for the White Triangle on the stem. Ws. DEMUTH & CO. World's Lae Manufacturers of Fine Pipes 230 FIFTH AVENUE NEW YORK

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INVITE our readers to work with us in the preparation of the LIFE CARTOON COMEDIES. These comedies are short and snappy —about half a reel each—but we are trying to pack into each one of them as many bright, original, mirth-pro- voking ideas as are to be found in the av- erage feature picture. The readers of LIFE have contributed much spontaneous humor to the magazine itself. e We now want e* them to collab- MIKE—the Hero orate with us on the LIFE CARTOON COMEDIES. Each of the LIFE CARTOON COM- Fd EDIES has a definite plot, enlivened with sparkling gags. The plot is based on that firmest of all dramatic founda- tions—the Eternal Triangle—with a good man struggling with a bad man for the love of a good girl. The three principals of , that triangle are presented in the accompany-

> ing close-up views. The ideas that animate the LIFE CAR- ‘© TOON COMEDIES are derived from LIFE. SA Look through the files of LIFE and see Or if you can find any jokes or cartoons MYRTLE— the Heroine Liferw== rreryr Cartoon Comedies Mawr Fifty Dollars Apiece for Comedy Ideas! that you think will lend themselves to treat- ment in motion-picture form. Absorb these ideas, and work out a brief scenario from them. Or develop ideas of your own—ideas that have no connection with anything that you have seen in LIFE. But don’t send us any second-hand ideas, lifted from other publica- tions, from vaudeville or musical comedy acts, or from the movies. The scenarios that you submit should be as brief as possible, not more than five hundred words in length at the outside. They don’t have to be in continuity form, or in any other set form. We will pay > $50 for each scen- ario that we can use in the LIFE HIGH-HAT CARTOON HAROLD—the Villain COMEDIES. It is understood that if we use any part of any scenario that is submit- ted, we will pay the full amount of $50 to the author of that scenario. The following LIFE CARTOON COME- DIES are now ready for release: ‘‘Red Hot Rails,’’ ‘‘Flaming Ice,’’ ‘‘The Yellow Pirate,”’ **Missing Links,”’ “‘Balloon Tired’’ and ‘‘Cut Price Glory.’’ Watch for these comedies at your favorite theatre. They will give you a clear idea of the type of material that we are using. 74 © F YOU are anxious to try your hand at comedy scenario writing, fill out the corner coupon and mail it Editor, LIFE, 598 Madison Ave., New York, N. Y. Please send me full particulars about the scenario ideas for the LIFE CARTOON COM- EDIES. It is understood that the signing of this cou- pon involves no responsibility on my part. to the Scenario Editor, LIFE, 598 Madison Avenue, New York City. Full instructions and a sample scenario will be sent you, postpaid. involves absolutely no responsibility on your part. The signing of this coupon “J - >) ( 5 Oducationak Jictures ) ; D) ca THE SPICE OF THE PROGRAM The LIFE CAR TOON COMEDIES are distributed throughout the country by Educational Film Exchanges, Inc. If your theatre owner has not already arranged to show them, he can obtain full information from the near- est Educational exchange.

BUSH TERMINAL PRINTING CORPORATION, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

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