Life 1925-01-22: Vol 85 Iss 2203

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Eclipse JANUARY 22, 1925 PRICE 15 CENTS ~

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Lave: ne ugd real eekly by Life Ay. . at mn Mag iison Av New York, N ubscription, New $5 Vo of Ma ‘ch’, 18 . Printec din ‘Ul3. A. biter hast Second Class ower os the : Po at Oifice De No ™” n ae —-- Goodrich is the guide to value. Akron, Ohio 22, 1925. Entered as Second Class Matter, pee 8, og at oe Fost Office "Can naga. Copyrignt, 1925, LIFE, in the U. 8., E “Best in the Long Run” SILVERTOWN VALUE~ she product of experience Silvertown Balloons, the latest handiwork of Goodrich experience, are outstanding because the results of more than a half century of rubber manufacturing are in them. They possess the same unvarying value that is found in Goodrich footwear, belts, hose, hard rubber goods. All have the prestige of quality in their respective fields of usefulness. 7 7 * With Silvertown Balloons, or any other rubber product, THE B. F. GOODRICH RUBBER COMPANY Established 1870 ¢ ¢ ¢ d anu British Possess ptt oe fo WIR ae ae ey na = i os ee : oF Fog ree a spies ’ yates ~wRY

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LIFE S P O N S O D B Y H A RGRA F T cA partial list of Ben Wade Dealers Che list of tobacconists selling Ben Wade es has grown to such extent that there room enough here for only the Eastern lers. The Western list will be published our next insertion and in the mean- ne write for the name of your nearest | ler if your city is not listed. BRIDGEPORT, CONN. e Davis & Hawley Company, 966 Main St. HARTFORD, CONN. Steinmeyer —_—" 31 Pearl St. H. eeks, 867 Main St. NEW HAVEN, CONN hn Gilbert & Son, Chapel and Temple Sts. University Smoke Shop, — St. WATERBURY, CO J. K. Jennes, 48 N. Mare St. WASHINGTON, D.C Wm. A. Henderson Co., 1432 N.Y. ” Av., N.W ATLANTA. GA. Royal Cigar Company, 40 N. Forsyth St. ROME, GA., Hale Drug Company. CROWN POINT, IND., Boyce Drug Co. FT. WAYNE, IND., T. Shovlin ee INDIANAPOLIS, IN Louis G. Deschler Company, "e Winois St. Charles Mayer & Co., 29 W. Washington St. KENDALLVILLE, IND. Robert Fisher Cigar Store, 106 S. Main St. LOGANSPORT, IND., The Boston Store. P SOUTH BEND, IND., Miller-Mueller. 4 COVINGTON, KY., L. B. Wilson Company. MADISONVILLE,KY.,Lindsay’s DrugStore PRESQUE ISLE, ME., U. J. Hedrich. BOSTON, MASS. Estabrook & Eaton, 2: "256 Washington St, L. J. Peretti Co., 993 Boylston St. Chas. B. Perkins Co., 36 Kilby St. CAMBRIDGE, MASS., Leavitt & Peirce, Inc. 0. _ATTLE BORO, ASS. Attleboro Dru SP RINGF Ii D, MASS. as ‘Barnett. N ARBOR, “MICH. Van ee, Cress & Thompson BATTLE CREEK, MICH. Main Cigar Store. Skinner & Titus. DETROIT, MICH. Watkins Cigar Stores Co., 1551 Woodward Av. Lilienfield Bros. & Co., 147 Michigan Av. EAST LANSING, MICH., C. A. Washburn GRAND RAPIDS, MICH. M, Pope & Heyboer, 118 Monroe Av. JACKSON, MICH. E. W. Chapin & Son, 170 W. Main St. M. Sanwald, 113 Francis St. P KALAMAZOO, MICH., W. A. Fall. LANSING, MICH., Rouser Drug Company. ; MOUNT CLEMENS, MICH., The Brunswick MUSKEGON, MICH., L. H. Fink SAGINAW, MICH., Oppenheimer Cigar Co. EXETER, N. H., Weeks & Seward. MONTCLAIR, N. J. H. & H. Shop, 482 B joomfield Av. NEWTON, N. J., Frank J. Boglioli. OCEAN GROVE, N. J., Oberman& Trimmer. ALBANY, N. Y. Luddy & Conklin, 9% State St. BUFFALO, N. Y. Joseph T. Snyder, 331 Main St. FULTON, N. Y., Foster Brothers. NEW YORK CITY, N. Y. J. P. Carey & Company, Grand Central Sto. : Charles & Company, 43d and Madison Av. ms Wm. A. Hollingsworth, anon | Building. : Pennsylvania Drug Com Stores. The Stearn Company, Sv ali St. Trinity Cigar Company, 111 Broadway. } ROCHESTER, N. Y. Fred H. Lintz, 326 E. Main St. CINCINNATI, OHIO The J. B. Moos Co., 511 Sycamore St. The Dow DrugCompany, Broadway & 9th St. Chas. N. Krohn & Company, 530 Walnut St. CLEVELAND, OHIO Louis Klein Cigar Co., 1120 Euclid Av. Hu Gellner, 1501 Evelid Av. limar, 163 Arcade. COLUMBUS, OHIO | S. F. Gress, 1824 N. High St. | DAYTON, OHIO The M. J. Schwab Company, Main & 3rd Sts. LORAIN, OHIO, E. J. Kingsley. | SPRINGFIELD, OHIO - Bosart & Co., 120 E. Main St. TOLEDO, OHIO, C.W. Starr, 318 SuperiorSt. VAN WERT, OHIO, Kintz & King. PORTLAND, ORE., Mason Ehrman & Co. BROOKVILLE, PA., Sterck Tobacco Co. HA RRISBURG, PA. Fairlamb’s Cigar sy = Market St. LANCA H.C. Demuth i it Fling St. PHILADELPHIA, PA Bailey, Banks & Biddle, 1218 Chestnut St. Coates-Coleman Co., Commercial Trust Bldg. John Middleton, 1211 Walnut St. Yahn & McDonnell, Wide Meenas. ee M. Schafer, 1200 Market They have broken up that “breaking in” tradition USED to take a sort of hero to break in a pipe. . . a man with no respect for the interior decorations of his mouth. . . a man who could stand anything . . but that’s gone now, even if not forgotten. Because Ben Wade pipes need no break- ing in. . . they are sweet, mellow old pipes from the first day on. The inside finish is Ben Wade’s own patented finish. The pores of the wood are opened and kept open. No var- nish or stain there to hide flaws because the pumice-polished surface gleams unflawed. The full flavor and fragrance of the tobacco is yours from the start. And im- There’s nothing like a Ben Wade pipe for Cigarette smokers, cigai believed that they could have become Ben Wade smoking enjoyment. smokers, men who never enjoy a pipe ‘regulars.’ Forty-eight shapes and sizes to choose from. Long, slim, smart pipes. Short, chubby, smart pipes. Straight and curved, Pipes for the out- doors; pipes for the library and the crackling fire. Like books, and guns, and golf clubs, they become prized possessions . . . personal treasures that a man is proud to call his own. Tell your nearest dealer to show you his array of Ben Wades. If you can’t find him, we’ ll be happy to send a com- purities are absorbed through the open pores, thus enrich- ing the briar’s natural color. plete catalog. But do it now, man. Some mighty good smoking is passing you by! MADE AT LEEDS, ENGLAND

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ho LIFE peeeee ee oe eo) ore eae aaa Pager”) 32 “SS enmeeeesesepeeewmeeeeeemepeeeeepep eee esam = = A LETS iN = i= ACK in the twelfth cen- tury when Richard the Lionhearted started out to visit his constituents and spellbind them with his mighty sword instead of ora~ tory, he had no telephone; radio or telegraph to transmit the word to the city officials and the morning newspapers that he was on the way He pulled up in front of the city gate; sent his trumpeters up to give his call; the gate-keepers knew the blast; they recognized Richard’s heraldic insignia on the trumpeter’s banners And the gates opened So the trumpeter became one of AND THE GATES OPENED His call forecasted the begin- ning of interesting and impor- ' tant events Today the trumpeter on horse- back is still doing his work; not quite so romantic or pictur- esque, but certainly just as im- portant . He is announcing to the world that Hart Schaffner & Marx clothes are good clothes, and where they can be found He is the Hart Schaffner & Marx trademark ~ has been for fifteen years Hemeansnotonly Hart Schaff- ner & Marx clothes; he means style, quality, good value, all- wool fabrics And above all- a good store , er the earliest of advertising men HART SCHAFFNER & MARX Copyright 1925 Hart Schaffner & Marx a a a Ss a a a é s a is 2 4 a] 5 8 I] ® i) o 8 a * = & s a 4 oy . 4 u ° = s sea ea ueeneessetesetentertee_eeexeEetegeaeneesegepeeeweeempenekstsenmernteesaeateeaeeesntereeaeneeee &

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= SIs Coe aaa ‘a The Age of Innocence Somebody has suggested a Be-Polite-to-Everybody Week. Following are several conversations to be expected.) "T’RAFFIC COP: Pardon me, old fellow, but you have just ripped off the fender of this taxicab. Truck Driver: A thousand apologies, my dear chap. low clumsy of me! Taxt Driver: My fault entirely, sir. So silly for me to e driving too close to you. Truck Driver: Really, you must permit me to buy you . new fender. Taxt Driver: Not at all, not at all. Plenty more where hat one came from, old top. How about a little nip together ? Truck Driver: Delighted, I’m sure. Trarric Cop: I do hope you'll forgive me for calling vour attention to this trifling matter. * * * TroLttey Conpuctror: Oh, dearie, dearie! This transfer you have just given me is a week old, sir. PASSENGER: Righto, dear old bean. I was merely trying to see if I could slip something over on you. Conpuctor: Aha, sly boots! Well, as a reward for your ingenuity, J shall insist on paying your fare. * * * Yate Man: Oh, I’m so sorry this distressing incident has occurred, but Yale appears to have scored a touchdown. Harvarp Man: My heartiest congratulations ! * * * First Puc: Oh, this is terrible! I wouldn’t have knocked you out for worlds! I never realized I had punched so hard. Seconp Puc: Not a word, not a word! It is really a pleasure to be flattened by a gentleman so immeasur- ably my superior in the fistic aft. First Puc: Pure luck on my part, I assure you. Fundamentally, you are by far the better man of the two. * * * TENANT: Please don’t think me for- ward, but it’s—ah—a bit chilly in our apartment. Janitor: I agree with you thor- oughly, except that I should say it is bitingly cold. Oh me, oh my, if I only weren't such a lazy dolt! The Self-Contained Reformer At intervals I take my pen in hand And write a stirring letter signed “Vox Pop,” To state that evils which beset the land Must stop Sometimes my pen communicates regrets In re the Younger Generation, which I think Is going straight to Hell from cigarettes And drink. Or into matters politic I stray, And seek the Public’s sentiment to rouse Me In favor of an eight-hour working day For cows. A silly thing to write such stuff, I know. Such letters are quite futile, I've no doubt And so instead of mailing them, I throw Them out. R. Spillman People Worth Knowing “LZ NOW the Smiths? No? “How is that?” “Well, they are the kind you can tell to drop in any time and feel sure they never will.” I'm sure you'd like them.” Tip Bliss. Simplified RMERLY women were always late because they had dresses that buttoned up the back and long hair that needed hours of arranging; now they are just—always late. “l THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING A PICTURE OF UNCLE HUBERT, BUT HE HAS THE PHOTORADIOGRAM NO WHISKERS.” ’ “THOSE ARE NOT WHISKERS. THAT'S STATIC.”

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Mother: pon’r yoU KNOW YOU NEVER GET ANYWHERE BY CRYING? Betty: YE-ES, BUT DADDY DOESN'T KNOW IT. Difficult Work HE consensus of opinion at the = Complete Story of the Eclipse traffic conference in Washington Ps ‘ p was that pedestrians had better keep As Told by Lirr’s Own Headline , out of the way. Writer expression lately. : HRONGS cheer as Old Sol struts Jones: Yes, she’s trying to resemble WO’'S company, three’s another stuff. Lunar disc casts dense pall her latest photographs. movie plot. over city, State, nation. Sun-Moon en- counter lauded by savants. Camera sharps busy as twin orbs keep cosmic tryst. Event hailed as new era by star sharps. Daylight murk causes bridge trafic jam. Huge lenses sweep heavens in quest of new data. Mayor halts transit confab to view odd sight. Light Cos. fix cost at $2,000,000. President wires thanks to Lick Observatory Chief. Kansas preacher, scoring sci- ence, raps solar theorists. “Solar Cock- tail”—latest from Paris. Winsted hen lays dark egg. Aged man, fearing world’s end, seeks death by gas. Foster Ware. The Empty Garage “ZOU say you've had your car three years and yet you can’t identify it?” “It’s been months since I've seen it.” Disgusted Better Half: pDoN’T BLOW YOUR SOUP THAT WAY, HORACE! WHAT “Ah; in storage, eh?” DO YOU SUPPOSE I BOUGHT THEM LITTLE ELECTRIC FANS FOR? “No; my daughter's learned to drive” MITH: It seems to me that your wife has been wearing a strange meee RAR Ng meme ,

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HE world-famous Poet Laureate of Great Britain is to visit the United States: again this winter. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce Mister— ah—M ister—er-—— JIL Now that we have had time to calm down after seeing the pictures of the French lady who insured her legs for $100,000, we are shown a picture of an American girl who has insured her teeth for the same amount. Are the end will find a “No-Parking” sign, a hot-dog stand or a filling station, a 8 During blizzards, news services have been using radio for transmitting news to papers in isolated towns. But what good does that do? They can’t broad- cast the comic strips. A. enterprising opened a Some Americans have chop suey restaurant in Dr. CLype FisHer, who has been t ing Lapland for the Museum of Natural History, reports that the Arctic tern (it's a bird) in migrating makes a round trip of 22,000 miles a year. With stop-offs, he might have added, in 84,978 crossword puzzles. JL Crossword, oh, crossword, pause, Ti: in thy flight. What is the name of the “goddess night” ? insurance agents overlooking something in not getting Preccy Hopkins to take out a policy on her wedding-ring finger? JL Over one hundred million people in the United States escaped being run over by automobiles last year, several of them having also escaped the year before. i. The old cry of “Get a‘horse” seems to have been changed to “Get a pedestrian.” JIL Marshal Focu is excited over the discovery that Germany has an army of 700,000 volunteers. Well, we still have God and a (very) few marines. a And Major-General Patrick wants a larger air force to make New York safe from foreign invasion. Perhaps it would be better if the General started off with a suggestion for making New York safe from itself. A. Attention has been called to the fact that Americans have This Is NATIONAL THRIFT WEEK P. S.—Congressional appropriations for the enforcement of National Prohibition to date amount to $59,652,468. "3 Several European scientists coming here to study the infl enza germ. They might a examine such typical insects the presidential bee, the Broa way butterfly, the crosswor puzzle pest and the radio bu ae A recent estimate places tl diameter of the universe at o1 million times ten million tim the distance of the earth fro the sun. Certainly, the Creat: of anything as stupendous this deserves to be mention in the same breath with Cec! B. De Mitte. JL And yet, if interstellar trave were possible and we could en counter a man on Betelgeus: who knew our friend, Mr. Sim of Seattle, our first words un doubtedly would be, “It’s a small universe, after all.” - The picture supplements of the Sunday papers have shown President CooLincE on skis. The people who got those under decreased half an inch in stature in the last fifty years. They'll have to do better than that if they want to keep pace with kitchenette apartments. "1 Captain Ropert A. Bart .etrt is lead- ing a party in the exploration of the Endless Caverns near New Market, Va. Opinion is divided among explorers as to whether the party when it gets to Shanghai—the first of its kind in all China. This would indicate that civi- lization is still advancing. If we keep at it, sooner or later we'll teach those heathens how to play Mah Jong. JL At this rate, we expect to hear that some young ladies from Dubuque have started Ye Olde English Tea Shoppe in London. him have done something that the Democrats couldn’t do. ft. The Sun god (whose name, as every one now knows, is Ra) has probably asked that the total eclipse of the world be made permanent. JIL And now for the amalgamation of the Sun, Moon and Globe. The Munsey influence seems to be at work in the solar system. Pad ee oe NPN!

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Advice to Young Mothers As Given by Young Fathers on the Following Important Matters Diet "| LL tell you what I'd do if I were feeding that kid and he kept on ing his mush like that. I'd say, t, then, darn yuh!’ and let it go at Weight | don’t see why this infant has to veighed in at the ringside every e day. If the doctor pesters you t it, just tell him the figure on this ted card on what kids ought to rh and that'll hold the old boy for hile.” Clothing Beats me why just a baby needs 1 a raft of clothes.” Entertainment (‘ve done all my stuff and she won't xh at me. Why don’t you give her lump of sugar? That ought to keep r quiet.” Training ‘A little of the old army discipline is at that spoiled youngster of ours ds. I'd show you if I wasn’t afraid d howl bloody murder again.” THE KLEAGLE ENDOWS A STAINED GLASS WINDOW IN HIS CHURCH Mother's Aid “Sure, I'd be glad to bring you some gimp for baby’s dress from that drawer, if I knew what the deuce gimp was and what drawer out of a possible seventeen it is you mean.” Fairfax Downey. \ 7 A Bloc Congressman on the Theory That Two and Two Make Four WO and two is four, eh? Well, how do I know it? Who says so? The schoolbooks. And who makes the schoolbooks? The publishers. And who runs the publishers? Wall Street! Wall Street!! The money barons trying to put one over again! I wouldn't believe those rich scoundrels, those moneyed octopuses, on oath! All they do is filch from the horny hand of the laboring man—the bulwark of the nation—all his wages, earned by the sweat of his brow and his heart’s blood! Two and two is four, eh? Wall Street is trying to screw the lid a little tighter on the free expression of opinion! Free speech, bah! We have no free speech if we can’t say two and two is five or six, as the case may be. Two and two is four? No, sir! I vote for the com- mon people, the sovereign rights of the American working man. I vote NO, a thousand times NO.” John C. Emery. TE she young?” “She must be. husband.” She’s had only one i A Ny ye lhe il, \\\ y hy I my Bhat Seal Decent — =. (\A eo U / DEFINITION WANTED NN Employer: YOUNG MAN, DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WorD “work”? His Youngest Employee: sure, BOSS. WHATCHER DOIN’, A CROSSWORD PUZZLE?

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Friend: ARE YA HoItT? Skippy: ME? No! wHy? Nel ——\ Tay 1 r Skippy: WELL, S’LONG, FELLERS, I GOTTA Skippy: JUST AS I THOUGHT—I AM HURT! BE GOIN’!

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People I’ve Never Met ew novelist whose wife was not his best friend and severest critic. rhe toper who admitted he couldn't yp any time he wanted to, _ [he comedian who really wanted to iy Hamlet. five never after winning at the man who ousand dollars ade another bet. The spinster who couldn’t have had a zen men if she had wanted them. Che races [he man who trumped his partner’s ie Che highbrow who admitted he went , the movies because he enjoyed them. The baby who wasn’t precocious. The clown who was really sad in pri- ite life. The business man whose _ success asn’t due to hard work and honest fiort. Bertram Bloch. Of Course Not! LUBB: One can never tell about a lady's morals. Duss: One shouldn't! The Good Samaritan: I KINDA THOUGHT MEBBE THE VENTRILOQUIST INVITES A FEW FRIENDS IN TO HEAR HIS NEW RADIO CNes Pops Diary Wakened _ this January ie a-shivering with Ce gains eg arose and did on my heavi est wrapper, somewhat dismayed at the reflection I cast upon the looking-glass, but Lord! I do believe that Helen of Troy herself in a quilted robe would have been nought to gaze upon. Thence to the publick prints, wherein I did come upon an attack on Michael Arlen which put me in a great rage. Why a writer should be set upon because he is light morning cold, so cys ~ ewe . i | ae si? we ee jee yi ae egy yt ee —< — . GAA a ARE YOU TAKING YOU FOLKS ‘It HAOUSE IN FAIRFIELD CAOUNTY. US D and glamourous is beyond me, who have long been fed up on novelists with the idea that realism is focussing a camcra This critick did say, too, that Arlen does nothing which Sterne and Fielding did not do. repent me of condemning the younger ap pearing to have read nought that was published before 1900—the defection at prevents their believing that (Continued on page 27) on a pig-sty. I do hereby school of reviewers and editors for least FOR? OLDEST "ROUND THIS WAY LIKE T SEE TH’

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\ ~~ } logan } 4) | Puy 1 NS J U Jiu LIFE - 1 ' Ltt Pl. —- “pO YOU SUPPOSE THERE IS ANY WAY TO GET A DRINK IN THIS PLACE?” The Party Line ‘| NOTICE how folks thet has a lot of ancestors to talk about is like to have no children to speak of. “Cy Moon brought Sarah a box of candy from th’ city an’ it seemed so queer-like of him she got it analyzed. It warn’t poisoned, though, so she’s thinkin’ of havin’ th’ doctor for Cy. “Mary Troy was braggin’ t’other day how her boy got A-A-A onto his school report, an’ I says to her, ‘You ought to be proud, between thet an’ your man gettin’ K-K-K onto his nightshirt.’ “A parcel of automobile folks stopped yesterday an’ bought my parlor rug fer forty dollars thet I got fer twenty-five at ‘The Modern Furniture Store’ a year ago. It looked older on account of th’ dawg sleepin’ on it. I was thinkin’ I'd go into th’ business if I knew th’ name onto it. “I'd ast you over onny they ain't nothin’ happened I can’t tell you over th’ phone.” James K. McGuinness. Deadly “Tt DON’T KNOW—HAVE YOU TRIED ASKING FOR IT?” E: I don’t believe you really American Inventors’ Series Jesse J. Garage OT the least picturesque of the figures of the early West was Jesse James Garage, a gun-toting bandit out of the pages of fiction. He terrorized the highways during the late eighties, holding up rich and poor alike, until he was captured and hanged in 1891. Jesse J. Garage scorned the rough-riding habits of the ordinary highwayman, and early discarded the conventional bandanna handkerchief and leather chaps for mechanic’s cap and greasy overalls. His success instituted a series of atrocities that has persisted to the present day. Jesse’s methods were simple. Under the guise of good Samaritan he would erect a small shack at the side of the road, where weary travelers would hait for aid in their troubles. He was even known to fell large trees or spread broken glass or tacks in the road to attract patronage. When the victims were in the grip of this unscrupulous bandit he would attack them with a small blunt instrument like a monkey-wrench, later sending them on their way broken and penniless. Dens of this type are variously known to-day as “Garage- traps” or “Garages,” or even “Highway Filling Stations.” Corey Ford. You Never Know Your Luck ULU: How come yuh is always lookin’ fer a job an’ neber findin’ one? Mose: Dat’s skill, woman. Skill! hate me! SHE: Don't you? Well, if I had one word still to solve in a crossword puzzle and you were the only person in the world who knew it, I wouldn't let you help me. HE most used expression in America—‘Program com- ing in fine.” THE CROSSROAD PUZZLE

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For Ladies Only ‘Glory does not embellish woman, and I not wish to sacrifice the woman in me. I | always rather render myself inimitable ny way of wearing a dress by Chervert n by all the talent and all the ugliness the Eliots and the Staéls.”"—From The nal of Marie Lenéru.) (Y7HAT price glory from a sonnet Or a page of perfect prose your dolman, when you don it, Looks like Podunk or Cohoes? ir enough to write a letter For which publishers will bid. t it’s infinitely better [hat your stockings do not skid. intillating conversation Cannot possibly compete ith admiring observation From a stranger in the street. weet maid, if you can, be clever (Being good is quite apart), it you mustn't let it ever Keep your clothes from being smart. Viser far to knot a ribbon In the most alluring way [han to master all that Gibbon Or Suetonius has to say. Do not bolt your tea and scurry When your repartee falls flat— Vhy should any woman worry Who is certain of her hat? Baird Leonard. The New Member Arrives HE door of the room where the members of the Club for Discarded Myths assemble opened a crack, and rotund gentle- peered in, adjusting his horn- immed spectacles. He hesitated a mo- ment, plainly embarrassed. benevolent-featured, man “I think you have the wrong place, murmured Ponce de Leon, who was trying to mix something to drink that would resemble the Foun- Youth. “No,” answered the old gentleman, i trifle sadly, shifting a dilapidated kite from one hand to the other as he entered. “I am ousted at last. ’Tis a stout tradition that can survive a century.” “True enough,” commented Washing- ton, as he laid down the cherry-pit he Was carving, and rose to welcome the newcomer. “Hang up your insignia on yonder wall beside my hatchet, friend Ben.” Senior !” tain of “Come over into the chimney corner,” called Sir Isaac Newton cheerily; “I'll Heating Engineer: ABOUT AN UP-TO-DATE SYSTEM INCREASE YOUR HEAT HERE put on another apple to toast; it’s all they be good for.” “Willingly,” said Poor Richard, lay- ing aside his topcoat. “The fellowship of worthy companions—I see there are plenty of such here—makes a man in- different to the ingratitude and skepti- cism of the world. Pershing, brave fellow, will be along presently. The pacifists have e’en concluded that he really exclaimed, ‘I forget why we're here!’” M. E. B. Greatness ““T“ELL me,” said the great producer of musical revues to the back- woodsman, “what kind of bird is that?” “That,” replied the other, “is called a nightingale.” f. ABLE—Onee upon a time there was an honest dirt farmer who owned a genuine antique. He refused to sell it. EXCUSE ME, OLD MAN, THAT WOULD PRODUCTION “ml My Ih | | Mi | | WW" Tretia ~ HH —_— — é {| BUT MAY I TALK TO YOU A MINUTE SAVE HALF YOUR FUEL AND FULLY THIRTY PER CENT? Famous Hopes HITE - Anthony — I —— you choke. chest. Last springs eternal. No — no you like your drink,’ said Gunga Din.” Faith, ——, While there is Lire there’s ——. for Harvard. and Charity ing you are the same. Repeal of Eighteenth Amendment. “And if we strike oil!...” H. W. H. ‘| HE man who used to want to live on Easy Street is almost as well pleased to-day if he can find a place there to park his car.

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Indignant Better Half: WELL, WILLIAM SWONKS, IF THAT AIN’T TH’ LAST STRAW! HERE I GET YOU ALL NICE AN’ INSURED, AN’ YOU GO AN’ BUY A GOOD-LUCK RING. The Tragedy of an Ex-Clubman O far so good. I have kept my New Year’s resolution. I have joined no clubs. I have not become an Adven- turer, a Player, a Coffee Drinker, an Explorer, a Detective, a Yachtsman or an Interior Decorator. I take my lunch in any chophouse or saloon that happens. Of course, there are penalties. I have no longer “a man’s retreat,” which is neither office nor home, where I can receive select communications. I am not able to say, “So long, old man, see you later at the club,” nor can I play squash on any scheduled after- noon in the far future. There are no bulletin boards for me to scan. And I have to buy my own magazines. Yes, there are many temptations, I will admit. But each night I pray that I will not give in. For I know my own weakness....I know how people regard me....I know that, if I join any club, no matter what, I am sure to be elected secretary. Howard Dietz. F the day-dreamers were placed end to end, it would not affect their output. ‘ ere, * and laugh! Song of Perfect Propriety H, I should like to ride the seas, A roaring buccaneer ; A cutlass banging at my knees, A dirk behind my ear. And when my captives’ chains would clank I'd howl with glee and drink, And then fling out the quivering plank And watch the beggars sink. I'd like to straddle gory decks, And dig in laden sands, And know the feel of throbbing necks Between my knotted hands. Oh, I should like to strut and curse Among my blackguard crew.... But I am writing little verse, As little ladies do. Oh, I should like to dance and laugh And pose and preen and sway, And rip the hearts of men in half, And toss the bits away. I'd like to view the reeling years Through unastonished eyes, And lave my finger-tips in tears, And give my smiles for sighs. I'd stroll beyond the ancient bounds, And tap at fastened gates, And hear the prettiest of sounds,— The clink of shattered fates. My slaves I'd like to bind with thongs That cut and burn and chill.... But I am writing little songs, As little ladies will. Dorothy Parker. Unthinkable RS. SCALES: Scientists say that we really laugh and grow fat. Mrs. Drete: Of course! No one would grow fat ALL TIED UP IN A CONFERENCE

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“aND so—! What Is a Bushelman? about once in every so \\/HEN, * often, I am filled with a discon- that is anything but divine and wt scanning the “Help Wanted” imns, I am impressed with the irently insatiable demand for 1elmen. Invariably this — “Bushel- at once, come ready to work, isant conditions, extra scale pay bonus.” | wonder why, when I was picking, HE DOESN'T COME TO SEE YOU NO MORE! THING, DEARIE: or rather, drifting into careers, no one advised me to become a bushelman. I wonder what is a bushelman anyway. Fancy the merry bushelman. On Friday afternoon he may, if he chooses, take exception to the necktie his fore- man is wearing and demand his pay. Saturday becomes an added half-holi- day and Sunday morning he has but to sit down with a toothpick and the Sun- day paper and choose among the em- ¥ “IF THAT SIGN MEANS ANYTHING, DOC, GET BUSY ON THIS DOG.” IT’S THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE ployers. Monday he is blithely bushel- ing in a new bushelhaus. What possibilities of frequent and refreshing change. If ever I have a son (I'll bet bushelmen rear big fami lies; God knows when I'll be able to afford one), I'll put him wise to this busheling business. As soon as he is old enough to sit upright on my knee without the aid of both my hands I shall wag my finger under his nose while I impress him with the desirability of be- coming a bushelman. Later, at the age of five, when he is asked the question that flunks most boys of twenty-one nowadays, “What are you going to be when you grow up, my little man?” the reply will be automatic: “I'm going to be a bushelman.” Say, what does a bushelman do any- way? F. J. Champion. Without Anesthetic ORED VICTIM (listening to oper- ation experience): This hurts me more than it did you. WO and two make four, except when one is figuring out an income tax return.

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ww" \ “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY CuarLes Dana Gipson, President 598 Madison Avenue, New York English Offices, Rolls House, Breams Bldgs., London, E. C. HE Mr. Towser of Phila- delphia who barks in lead- ed type for Mr. Cyrus Curtis on the editorial page of Mr. Curtis’ New York Evening Post took the view on December 29, in his remarkable piece about the French debt, that it was a debt of honor. It was on that ground that he sug- gested that the French “would then and there confess themselves moral bankrupts” if they did not pay it. Well, what is a debt of honor? Is any debt for which no security is pledged a debt of honor? Not exactly. Ordinarily, money is lent on security or credit. If a man cannot pay, it hurts his credit. If France cannot pay her debt to us or fumbles too much about funding it, it will hurt her credit. That is true, it will. But her honor? It is much too soon to talk about that. It shocked many readers of the New York Evening Post to have such sug- gestions made in that paper as were made by the Mr. Towser who barks there for Mr. Curtis. It should be understood that they did not come out of New York, that they are in no sense a voice of New York, and that Mr. Curtis’ Mr. Towser lives and be- comes vocal in Philadelphia and that his sentiments are transmitted from that town to this. Well, that is all in the game of mak- ing newspapers. A man can buy one where it lives, if it is for sale, and employ writers to expound in it what sentiments he will. Mr. Curtis has done nothing unlawful, but he has done something misleading. By the use of current machinery he has made the oldest paper in New York and one of great past renown to speak with a voice of Philadelphia. That should be under- stood by who reads Mr. Towser’s every one remarks. |= pressure on France to fund the debt had all the marks of something contrived. The money was lent to France to help win the war. The debt was a debt of crisis, of great emer- gency. It is a valid debt. It ought to be paid so far as possible when France gets ready to pay it, but there is no hurry and the whole matter is a con- cern of greatest delicacy. It is impor- tant that France should pay what she can when she can, but it is also impor- tant that the United States should not accept from France, much less exact, more than France can afford to pay. It is vastly more important to stabilize France and bring her back to strength than it is to collect money from her. The same is true of England. The British have funded their debt to us and it is costing them rather more than they can really afford to pay or that we can really afford to take. This world is not out of the woods yet. Europe is in better order than she was, but she is not yet bursting with health. She is still loaded up with animosities and unsolved problems. Western civi lization is in the custody of Western Europe, the British Empire and the United States. It is much more impor- tant that all the members of that com- bination should be sound and strong than that this or that one should col- lect dues or over-dues from this or that other. HE basis of the current burst of fervency in the Administration to collect more money from Europe seems to be that the reduction in taxation, which has been a popular achievement of Mr. Coolidge’s Administration and which doubtless helped to win the elec- tion, has cut down our public revenues all they can stand and a further duction in taxes depends on gett something out oi Europe. But such reduction will be dearly bo: if it is gained in any such spirit as shown by its chief advocates, such Colonel Harvey and Senator Reed the Finance Committee of the Ser As has been said before, Senator R is the neighbor of Secretary Mello: Pittsburgh. If he and Colonel Har the Washington Post and Mr. Cu Evening Post here are the valid rey sentatives of the Administration in t sentiments about France it ought t understood, for it is important. In issue of Mr. Curtis’ New York p for January 5 finds an arrai ment of the Herriot Administratio: France for doing a bad week’s w the upshot of which “may be the p sage of that Congressional resolut which will pillory France as a bai rupt and so label her to the wor! That certainly is an extraordinary nouncement. One recalls that M. Px caré is, or lately was, a correspond of Mr. Curtis’ papers. One asks ag who is barking. Is it merely \ Towser? Is it Mr. Curtis? Is it t Administration and the masters w now run the Republican Party? \ Curtis has had two political organs in Philadelphia—the Saturday Evenin, Post, which has long put forth t! sentiment that Europe needs constant watching and will cheat us if she can, and the Public Ledger, which has sup- ported the League and which has had much more liberal ideas about inter- national politics. Now it looks though the rod of the Saturday Ex ning Post had swallowed the rod « the Public Ledger. one O Mr. Attorney-General Stone is t go to the Supreme Court. He ha been very much commended as Attorney General and ought to make a goo judge, and he will escape some embar rassments by going upstairs. He ha dismissed two Federal prosecuting offi cers for failure to satisfy the Extra Drys in Dry Law enforcement, Mr Harris in Massachusetts and Mr. Van Riper in New Jersey. Both were called upon to resign and both refused, pre- ferring to be dismissed, and to fill their places has not been found easy. Perhaps Mr. Stone won't have to do it. E. S. Martin.

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OF PASSING IMPORTANCE ONLY

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LIF Every Dog H

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AnT)N eTl¢ Fiescnre- Dog Has His Day

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18 Purely Local Controversy OMETIMES we think that we are the most susceptible, softest-hearted dramatic department in the world. Other reviewers unite in scornful derision of plays which leave us quivering with emotion, and all that we are able to do is to blush prettily and confess that, in spite of everything, we were affected. Perhaps it is because we have lived, whereas the other reviewers have only read of life in books. Whatever the reason, it is certain that any play which has even the faint glimmer of an original thought, a new characterization, or a novel bit of motivation is worth more to us, even though clumsily written, than the most perfect stencil of old forms ever made. This is all by way of confessing that we liked Molnar’s “Carnival.” We have gone into our closet and have asked ourself as man to man if it was not really Elsie Ferguson’s beauty and manner that stirred us and if perhaps we were not confusing this thrill with admiration for the play. And the answer came back: “No, by Gosh, it was a thrilling play, too.” Then we came out of the closet and determined to say what we felt, the Dramatic Critics’ Local No. 35 to the contrary notwithstanding. a i, = aa, RANTED that “Carnival” is written in spots with a singular lack of appreciation for the line where emo- tionalism ends and burlesque begins. The last five minutes of the second act, with its protracted scene of hurried pro- testations, becomes another version of the old burlesque act: “I’m going away from here,” repeated every forty-five seconds. Small wonder that, on the opening night, Miss Ferguson very nearly clouted poor Mr. Nesbitt on the head in one of her wide-arm jabs. It seemed to be the only way to end the scene. Incidentally, Mr. Nesbitt had one of the toughest assign- ments that can be given to an actor, that of standing still and having a lady make love to him, with no lines to fling back at her except “You know I do” and “To be sure.” It is comparable only with the plight of the male member of a duet during the lady’s turn at the verse of a love song. He must either look coyly at his nails, shake his head knowingly, or break into a quiet clog. Ke ===. ——=~ UT even with all its excess writing and at times spurious language, “Carnival” has a thousand times more to its credit than Molnar’s other play, now such a success, “The Guardsman.” ‘Take away Lynn Fontanne and Alfred Lunt (God forbid!) and “The Guardsman” becomes nothing but a worn-out comedy of domestic suspicion and crimination with scarcely a new line or a new idea to its name. “Car- nival,” on the other hand, has a character in Camilla Oroszy who defies duplication. A beautiful woman, yet genuinely obtuse. Not obtuse in a charming way, either, but heavy- handed and irritating, as in her first scene when she handles her many suitors with that lack of charm which only an extremely beautiful woman can get away with. Molnar has spared nothing to make this a true characterization, not even the pace of the scene. — HEN, with the finding of the lost diamond, something bursts into flame in this stupid woman's soul. With her determination to keep it, to steal it, she gains an exalta- tion of spirit which throws her headlong into a mad dash for freedom from her husband with a young lover whom, half an hour before, she had coldly rejected. But the young lover turns out to be the one who uses his head. He advises caution, restitution of the diamond, a quiet little apartment up a side street. And so the woman’s great adventure falls flat in the face of common sense, and the old husband takes the smoldering stick of the rocket home under his arm. Our contention is that any playwright who has even the idea of such a situation, and works it out with even an approximation of success, is worth more than the most finished craftsman who turns out a perfect reproduction of the work of somebody else. We are willing to shut our eyes during the clumsy parts, or better yet, keep them wide open and just look at Miss Ferguson. OW that the Actors’ Theatre has decided to make its excellent production of “Candida” its regular offering, we may be justified in writing another paragraph about it by way of joining in on the local controversy over Richard 3ird’s Marchbanks. We don’t see how Marchbanks could possibly be made more intensely convincing than Mr. Bird makes him, and while we are not privy to Shaw’s personal conception of the character, except from what we gather from the text, we have a firm conviction that this charac- terization is right. Not that this paragraph will settle the controversy, elate Mr. Bird, or interest Mr. Shaw. In fact, nobody even asked us what we thought. Robert Benchley.

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19 sid Owing to the time it takes to print Lire, readers should verify from the daily newspapers the continuance of the attractions at the theatres mentioned. * Peter Pan. Knickerbocker—Marilyn Miller The Grab Bag. Globe — What price Ed More or Less Serious in a revival of the Barrie favorite. Wynn? Carnival. Cort—Reviewed in this issue. Pigs. Littlk—Small but satisfactory I'll Say She Is. Casino If you can’t Dancing Mothers. Maxine Elliott's — The Quarantine. Henry Miller’s—Pleasant com laugh at the Marx Brothers you probably story of the younger generation plications incident to honeymooning, with can’t laugh at anything. The Depths. Hudson—To be reviewed Helen Hayes and Sidney Blackmer. Kid Boots. Selwyn—Still Eddie Cantor : ; , The Show-Off. Playhouse—A genuine Lady, Be Good! Liberty —The Astaires Desire Oper Se — — a Village American comedy. and Walter Catlett in a darned good show Passio in the rur istricts, beginning . Tr . an O'Neill’ s best aad ending not ~~) aeell — gem Men. Longacre—To be re wo Love Song. Century—To be reviewed The Emperor Jones. Punch and Judy—A lg : ae ; 3 ted a 2 of this Prose ‘aaah _ The Way of the World. Cherry Lane— Madame Pompadour. Martin Beck—The ild be seen if you are one of the few Restored Restoration comedy. score justifies this. haven’t seen it already. Music Box Revue. Music Box—The best Four Knaves and a Joker. El/tinge—To be revue in town, with Fannie Brice heading ewed later. Eye and Ear Entertainment the cast, Ladies of the Evening. Lycewm—Showing ; at = My Girl. Vanderbilt—Fair enough. t Heaven, + will ‘ the in , ‘oo a Times 9 peat Patience. Provincetown—A treat for Gil —. . of > ae ann" girl. ) om J i. a hing yO Fe. usicé ersion 0 Monk mae Maihiede tn y on. iJora ayes -Life among the 100 Te mus, 4 é ° e . rae het a e Cod Portuguese. Artists and Models. Astor — Artists and Rose-Marie. Imperial—Delightful music. Old English. Rits—A characterization by models. Seeniaya Ptitza. /rolic—More Russians rge Arliss. Betty Lee. Forty-Fourth St.—Singing and _The Student Prince. Jolson’s Fifty-Ninth Othello. Shubert— Walter Hampden in dancing. St.—Singing de luxe ething by Shakespeare. Big Boy. Winter Garden—To be reviewed _ Topsy and Eva. Sam H. Harris—“Uncle Processional. Garrick—To be reviewed next week. lom’s Cabin” set to the Duncan Sisters. ~ Chauve-Souris. Forty-Ninth St.—To be Ziegfeld Follies. New Amsterdam—As we es a — = Bie ¥ in reviewed later. said before, Will Rogers is in it. 1e1Or a « C as c { re ery season, Simon Called Peter. Broadhurst The vel by the same name made into a pla y the same name. They Knew What They Wanted. Alaw Excellent fare, with Pauline Lord and Rich rd Bennett heading an equally excellent cast. The Valley of Content. Apollo—To be re ewed later What Price Glory? P/ymouth—A story of w the war came to the marines which ry one should hear, White Cargo. Daly’s—What Africa did to ne white man. Comedy and Things Like That Abie’s Irish Rose. Republic— One good thing about this contest is that no matter how long it takes the judges to decide, the two tickets will still ‘be good. Badges. Ambassador—Madge Kennedy and Gregory Kelly making a detective comedy decidedly worth an evening. Candida. Forty-Eighth St. — Reviewed in this issue. The Firebrand. Morosco—The facile lover, Benvenuto Cellini, played by Joseph Schild- kraut in amusing amours. The Guardsman. Booth—Lynn Fontanne ind Alfred Lunt in a comedy of domestic double-de aling which, thanks to them, is one of the season’s “must”’ plays. The Harem. Belasco—One of those risqué bits, Comnquiches only by the work of Lenore Ulric. Isabel. Empire—To be reviewed later. Is Zat So? Thirty-Ninth St.—To be re- viewed next week. Jack in the Pulpit. Princess—To be re- viewed next week. Lass o’ Laughter. Comedy—To be re- viewed next week. The Little Clay Cart. Neighborhood—One of those distinctive Neighborhood comedies for people who like good stuff enough to travel for it. Milgrim’s Progress. [Mallack’s—Louis Mann as Louis Mann. Minick. Bijou—O. P. Heggie as the old gentleman who goes to live with his son. So true that it hurts in between the laughs. Mrs. Partridge Presents——. Belmont—To be reviewed next week. Teen New Brooms. Fulton—Frank Craven wrote - ” and produced this and is now acting in it. WILLIAM COURTENAY AND LENORE ULRIC IN “THE HAREM

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DAVID the French Government the Lire's BRASS MEDAL THIS WEEK’S WINNER Citation: Mr. Belasco, recently decorated by by producing two of the most unsavory plays of BELASCO . has solemnized the event season. How It M*: SMITH was Born in poverty, Weak since childhood, Forced to help his parents, Denied all pleasures, Married to a scold, Harried by debt, Drafted, Crippled in action, Forced to change work, And defrauded of his sav- ings, so he became sympa- thetic and kind. of Mars, gazing through a Research = HAT a curious organism!” exclaimed the young student, gazing through a microscope at the ameeba. “What a very odd specimen!” exclaimed the inhabitant Happened Mr. Johnson was Born rich, Always strong and healthy, Aided by his parents, Allowed every pleasure, Married to an angel, Untroubled financially, Commissioned, Allowed to see Paris, Glad to change work, And was short-changed ten dollars, so he became a cynic. Wayne G. Haisley. telescope at the young student. OUDINI has so far succeeded in getting safely out of everything except the New York subway. were * Those Inspirational Poets HENEVER I'm feeling badly and more than average blue, When business has come to a standstill and my pet big deal falls through, When the car won't go and the cook does, and existence becomes a smear, I pick up Jimmy Joy’s Poems, and read from that tome of cheer: “Whenever you're feeling badly and more than average blue, When business has come to a standstill and your pet big deal fails through, When the car won't go and the cook does, and existence seems not worth while, Just pick up your courage, brother, and smile, by jiminy! smile !” And when I have read that poem and a dozen similar more I’m feeling so much bluer and rottener than before That I reach for my right hip pocket and (glup! glup! glup! glup! glup!) In less than a minute Jim’s poems have started to cheer me up! Baron Ireland. Love's Geometry CIENTISTS say love is biologic; it isn’t. It’s geo- metric. It makes the world go round, criminals go straight and sober, business men go off on a tangent; it makes maidens angle and arms describe an arc (with a waist as the center of the radius), and gives us the three sides of the triangle. THE STOWAWAYS

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Winter Sports Bob-Sledding \\ ‘INTER SPORTS are all right in their way, so long as they don’t ee: in mine. It isn’t that I don’t go in my good clean fun now and then, somehow I just don’t take it out in now that way. I can stagger from den of vice to another, and tear commandments wide open; but I always felt that a series of snow- to the ear and eight weeks of le pneumonia ahead just weren't nt for me. If there is a Bob-Sled ty to be had, I am usually to be nd at home, before the fire, with a There is nothing quite like a Bob- d Party to come at the end of a wded, happy winter’s day. As the tess herself admits, fun isn’t the d for it; and I confess I have over- ird people suggest better words, my- Strictly speaking, the Bob-Sled Party rts at the top of the hill, though the is more likely to come well towards middle. The first two or three tries 1 suddenly after the first six feet, en the runners get caught in a tree tangled in somebody’s muffler. But last we are off to what I might call flying start, if I were a hound for a rase that way. So off we go, with many a hip and hurrah! The man on the end is lost, erboard after the first hundred yards, d remains stuck ina snowdrift with s feet in the air, until somebody res- ies him or the snow melts. But the st of us go whirling downhill; and we don’t upset a dozen little girls ith sleds, and an elderly gentleman or » with a cane, then the evening is no ind of howling success at all. And you iould see us bring up against the side f a house, and stick there. Ah! we live nly once. In fact, that last is more or less the rgument I have used in urging the bolition of Winter Sports altogether. lf we live only once, we might as well make it last as long as we can. Corey Ford. In a Manner of Speaking USTOMER IN CHAIR (to new barber): I want a shave—can you manage it? Monest Barser: Well, I’m willing to make a stab at it. ‘Dire THE TRAFFIC PROBLEM ) ON , Xx (ey = = ee [Fy ===. zi~ AT STREET CORNERS FOR PARKING YOUR CAR - [I IN 7 | - |, A =| The Ferryman: TAKE YOU ACROSS THE STREET IN MY STEEL MONITOR FOR A QUARTER. A Rotarian in Paradise “Tf AM very sorry,” said St. Peter, “but we can’t admit any more men from Los Angeles. We had too much trouble with the one we did let in.” “I’m sure I’d be a good influence in Heaven,” replied the man from Los Angeles. “Honestly, I'd do my best.” “That was the trouble with the other man,” St. Peter said wearily. “The first thing he told us was that California had on its shores the largest ocean in the world and he objected because we didn’t have any ocean at all. We had the angels shoveling and carrying buckets of water for a year, and then he told us that every Californian had a moun- tain in his backyard, oil wells on his side lawn, an orange grove in his con servatory and an ostrich farm on the roof. So you must understand we can't admit any more men from Los Angeles Go find a place for yourself in the great open spaces of the universe.” The man from Los Angeles sighed “That’s what they told me in hell,” he said. Floyd Taylor. ‘OM: Pleasant suburb you have here. Tep: Yes; nobody knows any- body.

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a ae <7 — NE begins to wonder how long Vladimir De Pachmann will be able to keep up his vaudeville act. It has now become almost more a mono- logue than a piano recital. Since his remarks cannot be heard all over the average concert hall, it is that impatient at his hearers Whether they are worth hearing at all is another no wonder some of grow times. question. Audiences are forming the habit of applauding this little elf much as they used to do it with Joe Jackson’s trick Altogether, De Pach- bicycle act. “IT’S GETTIN’ ON mann’s turn is not unlike that of the famous tramp comedian. -— ig De Pachmann is the original kobold of the concert world, Feodor Cha- liapin is its most romantic giant. This Russian bass-singer has preserved the grand manner as has no other artist before the public to-day. With Chaliapin every move is liter- ally a picture. He cannot come on or go off the stage without a gesture, and even the draping of his huge bulk over the piano is accomplished with a cer- tain conscious grace. He is undoubted- ME NERVES, GETTIN’ NOTHIN’ BUT THE UNITED STATES NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.” ly the only singer in public who beats time for his accompanist throughout a song, keeping the left hand free for the necessary attention to the heart, etc. Counting his falsetto and his bellow, Chaliapin also unquestionably has more varieties of tonal coloring in his voice than any other singer of modern times * * a SONG once argued that “you can’t play every instrument in the band,” and incidentally pointed out the ad- vantage of the bass fiddler over the flute-player when an wrecked at sea. orchestra w Willem Mengelberg, however, almost disproves the lyric axiom. For th musical Dutchman has been known take the individual instruments duri: an orchestral rehearsal and actuall) show each player how it should be dom It is quite possible to claim that re: genius may express half dozen different ways in the same pet son, and that a successful specialist ha merely turned his versatility into on channel for technical perfection. The great Marcella Sembrich for long time could not decide whether t enter the musical field as a pianist, violinist or a singer, and finally chos: the vehicle of song largely because of its more obvious popularity. Violinist Kreisler is known to a lim ited public as an exceptional pianist, and Pablo Casals, greatest of ’cellists, also plays the piano and conducts. A recent experiment was that of Paul Stassevitch, who played the Brahms violin concerto and the Tschaikowsky piano concerto on the same program, with orchestral accompaniment. He did them well, too, with perhaps a greater success in ivory and ebony than in catgut and horsehair. But American audiences do not want versatility, except in the bell-ringers of vaudeville. We have permanently ac- cepted the slogan that a Jack-of-all- trades is master of none. So the old song wins out, after all. “You can’t play every instrument in the band.” Sigmund Spaeth. Asking Around © oceans Has yuh got mah garden I 10e ? itself in Rurus: Yoh garden hoe? Whaffo’ yuh want a garden hoe wid de snow on de ground? “Ah jes’ wants to know where it is so Ah can’t find it next spring.”

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24 Peter Pan” is difficult for me to review “Peter P an” as it appears on the screen and at the same time retain my reputation for bitterness, cynicism and dyspepsia. Were I to cut loose and say what I feel about this admirable picture I should lay bare a vein of maudlin sen- timentality that would grieve my little readers. surprise and However, “Peter Pan” is so extraor- dinarily beautiful, so utterly job, too), was apparently loath to sacrifice any of the speeches in the play—with the result that there is a superabundance of sub-titles. S to the cast—it is all good, with special emphasis on the work of George Ali, as Nana, Ernest Torrence, as Captain Hook, Mary Brian, as Wendy, and Betty Bronson, as Peter. Miss Bronson is just about perfect, in appearance and in general behavior. Although I was the one who cr most loudly for Jackie Coogan to p this part, I am now compelled retract my opinion: no one that know of could match Miss Bron in any respect. Of course, Mar Adams was pretty good, too. Some one, however, should make a point to speak to Betty Brons about the silence of the silent dran and call her attention to the maxi: movie stars should be seen and n heard. She made numerous px true to the childish spirit in which it was originally written, that I have no choice in the matter: I must fall blubber. down and HEN it was announced that Famous Players would pro- duce “Peter Pan,” with Herbert Brenon as director and an un- known cutie as Peter, I experi- enced many qualms. I made det- inite mental pictures of the awful things that would be Barrie's fairy story in the cellu- loid mills of Hollywood. done to I must have been misinformed ; for I now believe that “Peter Pan” is better as a movie than it has ever been as a play. Mr. Brenon and his co-workers have wisely refrained from substitut- ing realism for fantasy: they have not cast Strongheart, the police dog, in the role of Nana, and even if they have equipped Captain Hook with a real pirate ship which floats on a real ocean, Extracts from Famous Baby Books Basy CHARLES SPENCER CHAPLIN Born April 16, 1889 MAY 1, 1889—Baby cried until he was given a custard pi: to play with. JULY 8, 1889—To-day Baby winked and nurse laughed they have caused it to rise from the waves and soar through the clouds in a thoroughly improb- able manner. If they have erred at all, they have done so in the right direc- tion, by following too closely the lines in Barrie’s manuscript. Willis Goldbeck, who did the adaptation (and a darned good herself into hysterics. APRIL 16, 1890—Baby's first birthday. new dolls into a tub of mortar. JUNE 21, 1890—Baby walked to-day, using a lead pencil for a cane. JANUARY 3, 1891—Baby spoke for the first time. Gave directions to the photographer taking his tintype. M. A. T. Threw all his sonal appearances in connecti with “Peter Pan,” and almo succeeded in ruining the remar} able that she ha made in the picture. impression “So Big” N the other hand, Edna Fer ber’s fine novel, “So Big, has been mutilated beyond al recognition. Even if it was, t begin with, poor movie materia! (a fact which is not to Mis Ferber’s discredit), it has bee turned into terial. worse movie ma Except for a few early whatever of inspiration or flaming sincerity existed in the book has been quite obliterated at the unskilled hands of ignorant adapters. Colleen Moore is excellent as the young Selina Peake, but the later developments of the story are too much for her. If there is anything worthy-in “So Big,” Miss personally re- sponsible tor it. Certainly Edna Ferber has no share in the lim- ited credit or the extensive blame, as this is not even remotely her work. scenes, Moore. is Those who read the novel will be violently irritated by this pic- ture. Those who did not read the novel will merely be bored. R. E. Sherwood.

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LES POUDRES CO | smell as sweet, ‘i aul al - / other Srade | A, ‘aie but the COTTECE O72€ does not glea 772 50 l by ight ney. COT ¥ Face Powders in nine shades the li aryer boxes for the dressing~ table, the Compacte jor the purse — b bring to each iype the one true tone for its own colouring ia uu PERSONAL SERVICE BUREAU Chr idancé in choosing the correct Face Powder~ shade and expressive perfume odeur to intensify individuality COT Yn 714 Cfifth Glvenue ,< NewYork ANEW COTY SHADE FOR BRUNETTES —’OCRE-ROSE’ amit: ‘ USS,

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EDP NG Good Morning Miss Margaret, age three, was up and dressed early on a recent morning and before breakfast made a call on her grandmother, who lives nearby on the A Honeymoon Dialogue He: Perhaps I was a little cruel. Sue: Yes, you were! He (surprised): I wasn’t! Well, look here, I'll say you'll say I wasn't. Sue: Very well, weren't. He: Then I’m sorry if I was. —London Daily Express. Sophisticated FaTHER (raging): I'd like to know a son of mine learned to gamble, to drink, Tell me! sister. “yOu —Cornell Widow. FOR BONES, (Pause.) I was cruel if peach blossom, you where to use such terrible language, and to get in so much trouble! Son: From my “What sort of woman is she?” “Has to break in a new set of friends WOULDN'T MARRY ME WOULD YOU, “NO, DEAR—NOT FOR ALL THE BONES you was dead—strite, Know Her? IN THE WORLD.” -Bulletin (Sydney). Same street. “Hello, Grandma,” she said. “I’ve got on my long underwear and we're going to have fried mush for breakfast. What do you know ?”—Indianapolis News. Inherited Weakness Mistress: So the doctor diagnosed “housemaid’s knee”—have you had it be- fore? Maip: No, mam. But the doctor says s prob’ly hereditary, me father being a pavement hartist and me mother a reli- gious maniac !—London Opinion. Cueery Sout (to friend): Lawks, my dear, wot a turn you give me! I fought I did. I've speakin’ well of yer jus! DEAR 2” ’eard several people lately. —Punch. "Louisville Courier-Journal. - “THE wife Correct this sentence: Marriage is a “How out?” every year. gambol.—American Legion Weekly. Lire_is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the U nited States. Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U. S. Patent Office. $5.00 a vear in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.60 a year; to Canada, 80 cents. Back numbers cannot be supplied. The text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain are! 'y to Lire, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. , England. and I had it out to-day.” “Loud !"—Kansas ( A Greek shield recently discovered is said to have an eccentric band round a peculiar central boss. It sounds like an ity Star. News. The foreign trade supplied from Lire’s London Office, Rolls House Breams Buildings, London, E. C. Canadian distributor, The American News Company, Ltd., 386-388 St. James Street, Montreal, Canada. No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unsolicited contributions. Notice of change of address should reach this office two weeks prior to the date of issue to be affected. Established 1874 2and 4 E. Forty-Fourth Street NEW YORK ETZEL are tailors for men desiring to be groomed correctly. in every detail—it has ever been their privilege to serve a distinguished clientele. ©1924, WETZEL Mens Luncheon Service-4/* Street- Entrance Madison Avenue at 47* Street NEW YORK “Confections wot Bonbonnieres: ~ Luncheon — Tea —M ichigan at Jackson CHICAGO

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Mrs. Pep’s Diary (Continued from page 9) izht has been written since “Tom ies’....10 the playhouse after mer to see “The Student Prince,” stirring musick version of “Old Hei- berg,” which moved me to such an indance of tears that Sam was amed and whispered, Pull yourself ether, else I shall not risk taking 1 to Ed Wynn’s show. Up betimes, listening to a January - long harangue from my 16th husband for having ac- pted the invitation of a woman I met bridge whose position he deems 1estionable, whereupon I did remind m of my own integrity and Horace’s le about the upright man upon whom n a wolf turned tail. That may go the Sabine forest, retorted Sam, t a morganatic establishment is some- ing quite different. So I did promise t to go, sensing a good opportunity mentioning my need of a new eve- ing cloak....Reading this day in The Ladies!” by E. Barrington, a fine hook of eighteenth century gossip given for Christmas by Tella Brown, I vas astonished in the chapter devoted an imaginary diary which Mrs. Samuel Pepys might have kept at the poor wretch’s difficulty in getting a new petticoat or anything for herself soever, ecause of Pepys’s enthusiasm in lay- ng out money for his own apparel. I lo rejoice that my Sam is not thus niggardly with me, and as for his own vanity, Lord! if I did not conspire with his tailor he would go about looking like a man out of employment. January Marie Doro come to luncheon, and Sam home, I7th too, a-twitting me for bawling at “The Student Prince,” but Marie spoke up and said she had wept so steadily through it herself that Alex- ander Woollcott, sitting a few seats away, had tossed her his pocket hand- kerchief, Whilst we were still at table, a messenger arrived with a small pack- age from Tiffany’s, which I did open, i of important lon eliness- n D reser settings created fo ennoble the beauty of ] each /ewel —~ > 2 oO DREICER eC ICO fifth Avenue New York & PALM BEACH 7?» (Fan: nette Building Lake “Frail oe / all a-flutter, but it contained nought but a china pig bank with a ten-cent piece deposit, sent, methinks, by C. Dodds to match me for having given him one golf stocking for Christmas. Baird Leonard. Cheerful Viewpoint for Your Family home and have sunshine and cheerfulness in your house, and smiling faces throughout the year! Enclosed find One Dollar (Canadian $1.20; Foreign $1.40). Send Lire for the next ten weeks to To Ensure a Take LIFE Special Offer One Year, $5 Canadian,$5.80 Foreign, $6.60 LIFE, 598 Madison Avenue, New York “LF” | | For a Bright Child Ir in the parlor you should play When Mother’s told you out to stay, And you should break a pretty vase, Or knock a statue from its base So it lies smashed upon the floor, Keep calm and don’t set up a roar. Just run downstairs the cat to get; If there are two, it’s better yet. Then shut them in the parlor, and Go right upstairs, you understand, And read a book or play a game. The silly cats will get the blame. fe. i oe. Tue three -hundredth anniversary of the founding of Boston will be cele- brated in a few years. This, we think, would be a fitting occasion to take up the question of admitting Boston to the Union.

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Prefers these C1 garettes to ones priced higher ROM Stroudsburg, Pa.: “In my estimation, Reeds- dale Cigarettes are not equalled at the price, and I prefer them to some priced higher. The con- tainer is a dandy.” ; (Original letter in our file) Reedsdale Cigarettes are 20c for twenty! They are put upin a new and specially designed pack- age that keeps them fresh, unbroken, and un- : crushed to the last one. AES If not at ge Goes, a carton o pack- \ ea ages (100 cigarettes) : sent for a dollar. Smoke one package. If not satisfied return remaining packages and get your money back. Reed Tobacco Co., 131 So. 21st St., Richmond, Va. Inside Stuff The lion and the lamb had just lain down together. “As for me,” remarked the lion, “I should like to be called at 7:30 in the morning.” Said the lamb: “Don't bother to call me; I'll probably get up when the lion does.” —Detroit Free Press. Young Ulysses He: I wish I had enough money to marry on. SHE (shyly): What would you do? He (quickly): Travel. —London Evening News. THE BOUNDER WHO SAID “ATTA- Boy!” WHEN THE GENERAL HOLED OUT. —Bateman, in The Bystander (London). Reflection in an Art Gallery Even the dreariest “work of art,” Thrice-damned as it may seem, Was once, in its creator’s heart, A beautiful young dream. For each man maims the thing he loves In well-intended toils; Some butcher it in pen and ink, In marble some, or oils. —Keith Preston, in Chicago News. Trials of an Editor Typographical errors and mistakes often seem extraordinarily funny to the great reading public, but in the office where they occur they seem more like trage- dies. We recall that this old palladium of liberty, in an elaborate report of a Jew- ish wedding, once said that the happy pair were followed closely down the aisle by the officiating rabbit. That seemed very funny to the light-minded, but it did not seem funny to us, especially when the bride’s father came to see us about it—Ohio State Journal. At Any College Homecoming Day is the time when alumni come back to the old Alma Mater, criticize the furniture, freshmen and architecture of the house, reorganize the football team, weep mildly at the ivy, declare things weren't that way when they were in college, and express great wonder as to where the younger gener- ation is going. Then it rains. —Colorado Dodo. For busy men and women—Abbott’s Bitters, a de- lightful tonic and — by mail, 25 cts. >. W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. Absolution As the rector was leaving a temper- ance meeting, he encountered one of his flock considerably the worse for drink. “Oh, William!” he exclaimed. “I’m surprised to find you in this state. I’m sorry! I’m sorry—very sorry!” “Well,” muttered the man, “if you're really sorry, I—I forgive you.” —Weekly Telegraph (London). The Eternal Masculine “George, is there anything in life but love ?” “Nothing in all the wide, wide world —where’s dinner ?” —Hamilton Royal Gaboon. A Mexican, age eighty-seven, has been dynamiting trains. He is probably too old to catch them in the ordinary way. —London Daily News. PropaBL_y nothing gets so complete a work-out in this iife as a small school- girl’s first fountain pen. —Detroit Free Press. Watch your gums - bleeding a sign of trouble s Sappers mine the enemy's defenses, so gum-de- cay tunnels through the normal gum !ine and produces tooth decay in its most painful form. This gum decay or Pyorrhea is most dan gerous. The gums come devitalized, ;e laxed. They rece They shrink and the mouth. Gum derness is prese The teeth loosen. / so Pyorrhea pock breed bacteria wt drain into the sys and cause many ganic diseases mid-life. Four people o: suffer from this Py rhea; but Forha sitively prever hea if used Forhan’s harde gums. It co serves the gums ti = the teeth a hold them firm. touches the fund: mentals of too health in fact, A: all this while yc are cleansing yo teeth scientifical! Forhan’s is cool, a tiseptic and plea ant to the taste. If gum-shrinkag | has already set ix | start using Forhar | and consult a der : tist immediately fc special treatmen FOR 35c and 60c tub THE P in U.S. andCan Formule ef > 8.J.Forhan,D.D.‘ >. FORHAN Ci New York Forhan’s, Ltd Montreal The Crossword Puzzle Hits London There is little satisfaction to be de- rived from thinking of a word of two letters meaning “depart” and beginning in G and ending in O, or a word of five letters which means the same thing as H20. but not an exercise of the intellect; not a test of erudition or memory; not a coping with the wits of an ingenious and obstinate opponent capable of the basest stratagems, the most monstrous syntax and the most dishon- est tricks. But I begin to grow heated. —J. C. Squire, in The Observer. A drug, yes; When to Get It “Don’t ask advice,” said Uncle Eben, “unless you has made up yoh mind and feels free to enjoy a little conversation.” —Washington Star. Our notion of a Miracle Man is the Welsh crossword puzzle champion. —F, P. A., in New York World. KOBLER AIR AND WATER PEARL PIPE a reguiar pipe absorbing 19% Nicotin, 85% Pyridin, 33% Ammoniac. $5.90. Literature free. Kebler & Co. Inc., 594 26th St, Guttenberg, West New York, N. 2,

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LIFE is served in the Dining Cars and Pullmans, in every State of the Union. “The Queen of Table Waters” mf ~y at nh Sintet fen book 1 RETR Mouthful Wet, here’s where I have a light h!” chuckled the circus fire-eater, as wallowed the flaming torch. Is your husband too stout? Has he taken on unnecessary Weight? Do your friends make remarks about it— not intending to hurt your feelings, of course, but athena g you nevertheless? Thousands of men and women have found excess weight easy to remove. Why let your husband suffer from it? Marmola Tablets—without exercises or diets—will bring back his natural healthy fi 5 Recommend these tablets to him, Get a box for him. Once he uses them he will al- § ways be thankful that you urged him to get slender. It is your duty to see that he keeps B slender like other successful men. 6 All drug stores have them—one dollar & 2 box. Or they will be sent in plain wrap- Sper, sary ee! by the Marmola Co., 1843 > General Motors Bidg., Detroit, Mich, STAR MOLA The Decline of the Harem “You sayin’ you heard tell Ephra’m Sibley was to be married up to the City and my remarkin’ it looked queer, as Parson Brownell usually marries him, ‘minds me Doc Brady had ’em all laughin’ up to Judge Larcom’s the other evenin’ tellin’ ’em ‘bout the time Ephra’m was a-courtin’ that widow of Gershon Dwinnell’s over to Pillsbury Centre. I never know’d the woman, only to see ’er, but I heard tell she was awful smart, and a great hand for readin’, and they do say she was Presi- dent one spell of that club the ladies git up over to the Centre, an’ Doc says Mis’ Titcomb was a-tellin’ ’im that she delivered a fust-rate essay before the ladies, on the Decline of the Harem, or some sich title. “Well, it seems Ephra’m had been a-courtin’ of the widow quite a spell and Doc ’lowed she was real sweet on ‘im, they do say he’s a great hand with the women folks, an’ they know he’s got a pile of money even if he is so darned close with it. Well, it seems Ephra’m give her an invite to come over an’ see his home, so she druv’ over one afternoon. Doc says she had a real spry littlke mare. An’ Doc says he had it from one of the ladies over to the Centre, who was some kin of Dwinnell’s, that Ephra’m showed the widow all over the house an’ when he come to the kitchen he says, ‘I reckon this here’ll interest you more ’n any other part as this is where you'll spend most of your time.’ “Well, Doc says the widow give Ephra’m just one look an’ walked right out into the yard an’ out the front gate. Doc says he was just comin’ out of Mis’ Smilie’s when he seen ’er git into the buggy. Doc says he couldn’t rightly hear what she said to the mare, but he reckoned it wa'n’t any too compli- mentary to Ephra’m, an’ she made a bee line for the Centre. “Doc says that was the last Ephra’m ever seen of the Widow Dwinnell, an’ he reckoned she could get up a fust- rate essay for the ladies’ club over to the Centre on the ‘Decline of the Kitchen.’ ” Beatrice Herford. The Louvain Library Fund Wits thanks for past favors, Lire resumes its appeal for the Louvain Library Fund. Our national honor really is involved, that America’s prom- ise may be made good and the restored Library be the gift to the Belgians of the American people. We have been enabled to send in $614, and have set $1,000 as our goal, and trust we can count upon friends and readers to that extent for this noble cause. Checks, payable to Lire, marked “For Louvain Library Fund,” will be acknowledged in Lire and duly for- warded. Pleased To Meet You! My friend Barbasol. Takes all the trouble out of shaving. No brush. Norub-in. A new, clean, cool after-shave feeling all over your face. Use Barbasol—3 times—ac- cording to directions. 35c and 65c tubes. 7 UM-1-22-25 For Modern Shaving Lire’s Encyclopedia Tarpon—A marine isospondylous fish common to the waters, but not the fishermen, of Florida. Sometimes called the Great Southern Hoax Usually seen mounted on slab in offices of the upper, or Tarpon fishing, classes. Average cost of capture, including hotel bills, $1,468.12 a pound. Vn —o STONE WALL JACK’S ON

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© What a whale of a difference Just a few cents make No Waste Crossworps continue to be featured jn the daily papers. Railroad trains are beginning to carry dictionaries, the Los Angeles Public Library has set a time limit of five minutes on the use of its dictionary by any one person, and Professor Griffith of Mt. Holyoke College has declared that the students should be asked to make up cross- words at the end of each using the new words they have learned during the year. The Freshman Class will begin with “Petting,” “4:00 a. m.,” “hooch,” “cubs,” “paddle,” “Smooth this,” “Step on it,” “Give me a light,” and “necking party.” semester, 99 6 THERE'S always room for a good man except in the sock his young wife mended for him. Natural History Tue Whang is a bird with a crest of red That waggles its wings and flies, Its beak to the rear and its tail ahead, To keep the sand out of its eyes. The Boggle backs into his hole at night Because he has wisely found That when he comes out in the morn- ing light He needn’t be turning around. When all of our rivers shall dry or freeze And all of our oceans, too, The Porgies and Flounders will climb the trees The way that the Elephants do. A. G. Here to-day and there to-morrow— Milady’s waist. Legato I pon’t know whether or not it’s because I happen to be what the cloth- ing ads call a dressy fellow, but the fact remains that I hate frayed garters. In the old days, every now and then when I’d be dressing in the mornin I'd find my garters soggy and springless and looking as if they were edged with monkey fur. “Ah,” I'd say to myself, as I fitted the decaying remnants to my shapely calves, “I must get a new pair to-day.” But would I, when later in the morn- ing I found myself in the moil 1 turmoil of the wall-paper business ? sir. I’d promptly forget all about ; ters, until late that night, on retir their fuzzy condition would again m me blush. I tried tying pieces of | thread or yellow raffia around several of the more jutting parts of my ai omy to remind me to buy new garte but with no results. I could never | call what a piece of tulle or rope \ doing on my left thumb until bed-ti came, and then, of course, it was t late. But now, fellow garter-wear« my thraldom is all over. And so yours. I have discovered how a bu man can remember when to buy m garters. Like many other great discoveries, seems perfectly simple when you o1 know it. I just don’t know how I can to think of it, but some power great than I must have been at work la Monday morning when the Great Id came to me. And here it is. Wh the time arrives for you to need ne’ garters, don’t put the old ones on th day. You will soon find your soc! hugging your shoes in a manner not t be denied, and after you have pulled them up for the tenth time you will | glad to dash into the nearest shop an buy a new pair of leg-constrictors. N« a word, please. Don’t thank me; am one would have done the same in m) place. (It has just occurred to me that in order to play safe you had bette: have some one remind you the day yo wish to leave them off.) P. W. Beauty “PLEASURE is the most beautiful thing in the world,” said the hedo- nist. “You are wrong,” said the hypo- chondriac. “Sorrow is the most beauti- ful.” “The most beautiful of all,” said the humanitarian, “is life itself.” Yet that very afternoon each had sworn to a woman that she was the most beautiful thing in the world. “So you've broken your resolution already ?” “I guess it wasn’t a resolution. It must have been just an amendment.”

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- LIFE - 31 Students’ Edition of the Classics Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner, Eating a Christmas pie. He stuck in his thumb ind pulled out a plum, And cried, “What a bright boy am I!” 1—“Little’—The use of this wor! is quite general in contemporary liter.ture, and, as pointed out in other volumes of this series, cf. “Little Miss Muffett,” “Little Bo Peep,” etc., it is not to be taken too literally. It is poss le that the author uses “little” here with merely casual intent, as “big” wi decidedly spoil the meter. k”—The first two Quartos give t! ; “John.” It was probably changed to present reading as the public be- Cc more familiar with the literature of the time, and took a few liberties will: it. e 2—“Sat”—In some editions this i en as “stood,” the editors drawing aii analogy between this line and the cmon injunction to children to “stand in the corner.” However, had John H rner been enjoined to remain in the c ner as a form of punishment, he d most certainly not have been fur- ed with a Christmas pie. ne 3—“Christmas pie”’—This is an ression which is rapidly becoming lete. Its most frequent use now is the slightly changed form, “Christ- ; pie-eyed.” ine 4—‘Thumb”—The assumption e is that John actually used the fore- ger in addition to the thumb, although author fails to give proper credit to at digit for the assistance which it ndered. Line 5—“Plum”—Sgqibb says (1901) it he has definitely established the fact it the fruit in question “was not a um but a raisin.” He bases his con- usion upon the premise that Old Man orner, John’s par: sal relative, had en making home-brew, and proves at the chances are ten to one that a isin and not a plum had found its way to the Christmas pie. Line 6—“Cried”—Not to be confused ith the common meaning implying ears, or anguish of some sort. Here he sense is merely “exclaimed.” “What a bright boy am I’—Not an iriginal expression. John’s father was 1 self-made man, ego sapiens, and the child probably picked up the phrase about the house. W. K. Z. Truth in Advertising A New York café proprietor was ar- rested for displaying the sign: “Ales, Wines, Liquors & Cigars.” They prob- ably thought he was faking about hav- ing the cigars, FACTS ABOUT A FAMOUS FAMILY , ‘ € If all the freight cars used last year for General Motors’ raw materials and finished cars and trucks were made up into a single train, the : engine would be in New York and 7 the caboose in San Francisco. 375,000 freight cars The car and truck factories of General Motors used 340,337 freight cars in 1923 to bring in raw materials and to take away finished automobiles. For this ser- vice the railroads received $55,000,000. If the less-than-carload shipments are added, the total becomes 375,000 cars —equivalent to 6,000 freight trains of 62 cars each! General Motors is an important factor in the prosperity of the railroads—and their prosperity is vital to every family in the land. GENERAL MOTORS Buick + Capmiac + CHEVROLET * OAKLAND OupsmosiLe * GMC Trucks General Motors cars, trucks and Delco-Light products may be purchased on the GMAC Payment Plan. Insurance service is furnished by General Exchange Corporation

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LIFE gbos Ales an Francisco Sailing from From San Francisco New York via Los Angeles an.22 FINLAND Feb. 14 eb. 12 MANCHURIA Mar. 7 Feb. 26 MONGOLIA Mar. 21 Apply Dept. C, No. 1 Broadway, New York; 460 Market Street, San Francisco, or any authorized steamship agent. PANAMA Paciric LINE Qureanwationas Mencantits Mannings ComPpany Specialization Very Mucn Worriep MAN (running into office of throat specialist) : Doctor! Doctor! Come quickly! My little girl has swallowed a button. SPECIALIST: What kind of button? Very Mucu Worriep Man: Cellu- loid. It came from—— SPECIALIST (holding up hand): You'll have to go to Dr. Wilkinson if it’s celluloid; I remove only metal ones with an embossed design. eee ww ee EN Coupon T0day cece ee a —— = uy ‘Your Electric™= acuunv Cleaner By mail at wholesale from one of the world’s largest dealers in Vac- uum Cleaners for only EXPRESS ‘297° i ANYWHERE BRAND NEW LATEST MODELS Free trial and easy payments of only $5.00 down and $5.00 per month anywhere in the U. 8. A. No References No Collectors Vacuum Cleaner Specialty Co. 111 W. 42nd St., N.Y.C. Dept. 19A Send full particulars and easy payment plan. Address . My Kiwanis Jane (Up to a Late Hour Last Night, Be- lieved to Have Been Written in Smith- ville) Wuere full-o’-pep Kiwanis meets, I met my darling Jane: Beside the Booster Chart, whose feats Made dry statistics plain— Whose leaping curve, with ev’ry swerve, Was Pep articulate: As Smithville soared in ranking toward The 14th in the State. Enrapt she stood, where all around Enhanced her beauty’s glamour: Her voice more sweet with ev’ry sound; Her form, with ev’ry clamor; Her soul, Kiwanis-like, alive With vim inviolate— As one and all cheered Smithville’s drive For 14th in the State. Ah, always, Jane, you'll be to me As when I saw you first: Your features wreathed in ecstasy, As in the room there burst A lad to say he’d heard, in re Our follow-up campaign: We'd got the plants of Levy—*Pants”— A clear 9,000 gain! Though youth and beauty fade, until But wint’ry Age’s rigor Enshrouds your form, and in its chill Expire pep and vigor; Yet always will my soul revere Its true and cherished mate— Because you helped make Smithville, dear, The 14th in the State! G. R. Jonesville Goes into Conference “I WANTED to get the 11:04 on the Nickel Plate but I’ve got to wait over till the 2:08 on the Monon,” said the gray-haired traveling salesman to the head barber in the Hotel New Trianon, Jonesville. “The proprietor of the New Bon Marché was in three con- ferences this morning and he has two more this afternoon, but he sent out word he would see me for seven minutes at half-past one. “When I started making Jonesville thirty years ago the only place you ever heard the word ‘conference’ was in a spelling match. That was before our business men had been consecrated to the law of service. This hotel was merely the Smith House and business men’s lunch clubs and Thousand Island dressing hadn’t been invented. “The old-timers I called on then didn’t look on storekeeping as an art and didn’t think they had a Message. All they knew was buying low and sell- ing high and discounting their bills. But you seldom saw one of them in conference with the sheriff.” McC. H. WYNKOOP HALLENBECK CRAWFORD COMPANY, NEW YORK 081 uagnoronceennnestasnnnnennngns¥0)t:tsavessnecanesioeies The Five in Golf . THERE is a just limit to everything. In the game of golf it is five. Some- thing about a five in the square of a scorecard is irresistibly, indescribably, foolishly pleasing. It tells so much. It can mean so many different things. Of course, twos, threes, and fours have their places. Who will deny that? They are the glories in life; the unex- pected and undeserved triumphs: We are glad they exist and hope to get a few to-morrow on our morning round, But they, in their small way, indicate merely superlative golf, whereas the five (O blessed number!) may signify a long hole outrageously well done, a less long hole not badly done, a short hole—well, accomplished with difficulty, but still with honor. Sixes and sevens —we shall not venture higher—are the demi-monde of golf. We rub shoulders with them, but we are ashamed. \Ve meet them, but we dislike it. Show me the man, though, who is honestly cha- grined at recording a drive, an iron, a mashie, and two putts, or whatever makes the equivalent, and I will show you one who sees the fairway through smoked glasses and who never replaces a divot....“What did you make there, Bill?” “It’s a five,” Bill says, and the bunkers look a little smaller, and the flags a little nearer, and the day gr a bit sunnier, and he is exquisitely content. D. Mc prrerarecensrnsonernnervennennrsounanenrveensoronnnineescerenn rien Sure Way to Get Rid of Dandruff There is one sure way that never fails to remove dandruff .completely, and that is to dissolve it. Then you destroy it entirely. To do this, just apply a little Liquid Arvon at night before retiring; use enough to moisten the scalp and rub it in gently with the finger tips. By morning, most, if not all, of your dandruff will be gone, and two or three more applications will completely dissolve and entirely destroy every single sign and trace of it, no matter how much dandruff you may have. ‘ You will find, too, that all itching of the scalp will stop instantly, and your hair will be lustrous, glossy, silky and soft, and look and feel a hundred times better. You can get Liquid Arvon at any drug store, and a four ounce bottle is all you will n This simple remedy has never been known to fail. LIQUID ARVON

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Its BOOB Any Way You Look At Ii T is estimated that there are one hundred and ten million boobs in the United States alone. Every one of them should read next week’s issue— th BOOBS’ NUMBER of Lifr’e . | The cover is by John Held, Jr.—with inside contributions from Rube Goldberg, 7 Percy Crosby, Dorothy Parker, Rea Irvin, Robert Benchley and many others. 4 é f/ ) & A trial subscription (for ten weeks) a f ‘ entered now will enable you to follow 4 Starting next week a 4 i the new $1,000 contest and will bring F the Great ; / you, among other notable issues, the / COMMUTERS’, CALIFORNIA and ST. f cine 4 PATRICK’S Numbers. f poe adinen / New York 4 I want to know more about this 4 Boob business Here's 74 my Dollar Piease send 4 Lire for Ten Weeks to e 4 CORTES T 4 alin ieee (367) loBty THAT 4 (With 13 cash prises) canal S | | 4 eeecccsecscsceseses 4 ar 4 By the Year, $5.00 (Canadian, $5.80; Foreign, $6.60)

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