Life 1923-01-04: Vol 81 Iss 2096

Page 1

SUARY 4, 1923 \ BY PAoAs RICE 15 CENTS JANI ARY 4, 192 PRICE 15 CENTS

Page 2

Second Class Matter June 8, 1883, at the Post Office at New York, Cc “ SHARLES Dana GrBson, President March 3d. 1879. Printed in Bethlehem, Pa., U. 8. A. GrorcE B. RICHARDSON, Vice-President Entered as Le Roy MILLER, Treasurer Live: Published Weekly by Life Publishing N. Y., under the act of Company at 598 Madison Avenue, New York, N. Entered as Second Class matter at the Post Office at Bethiehem, = Annual Subscription, Five Dollars. Entered as B. F. ProvaNpie, Western Manage Vol. 81. No, 2096. January 4, 1923 Copyright, 1923, LIFE, in the United States, England and the dies ee : ssi Second Class Matter at the Post Office Department, Can British ‘Posecesions

Page 3

AMERICAN RADIATOR COMPANY The Institute of Thermal Research of the American Radiator Company Buffalo, N.Y. The largest laboratory in the world devoted exclusively to the problems of better warmth. May we send you a useful little book entitled “Betrer Warntu & Better HEALTH?” It contains ten definite sugges- tions for saving coal that are applicable to your home, no matter how it may be heated; and other information that makes it well worth sending for. Your request mailed to either address below will bring a copy at once. ~ From a drawing by Cant Hecx © ARCO 1923 “What are these chimneys in my life?”—you ask Ace collection of chimneys, isn’t it? Some big, some little, some tall, some short. But because of them your architect feels perfect con- fidence when he writes “AmErIcAN Radiators” or “IDEAL Boiler” into the specifications for your home. He knows that every new boiler designed by the American Radiator Company is tested by being connected with these chimneys before quantity production begins. By these tests, with varying types of chimneys, the en- gineers of the Company can certify in advance precisely how much warmth a boiler will develop under varying conditions from a given amount of coal. Naturally your architect likestospecify a boilerand radi- ators whose performancesare definitely known,eventhough the initial cost may be a trifle more. And you will do wisely to accept his counsel—together with his assurance, and ours, that the trifle more you pay at the start will be returned to you again and again in the fuel saved. Iprat Boilers and AMERICAN Radiators for every heating need ,——- me 816 So. Michigan Ave., Dept.5 CHICAGO |

Page 4

Athin sheet of dark blue paper has saved American business men billions of golden minutes It has tremendously speeded up the world’s work. It has advanced the fine art of duplicating typewritten forms. It has cleverly engineered great short-cuts in commercial and educational institutions throughout the world. It has made possible the print- ing of five thousand exact duplicates of a letter, or other typewritten page, in an hour— forty thousand a day. It has given craftsman-like skill to untutored and inexpensive workers. It has made practical the easy printing of drawings, diagrams, etc., on mimeographed pages, thereby opening new fields. There is downright romance in the story of the blue Der- matype stencil paper, by which the mimeographing process has been expanded. From high up on the moun- tains of old Japan come the long and fluffy fibres from which it is made. . And we use bright sunlight for transforming them into tough and almost indestruc- tible stencil sheets. Let the A. B. Dick Company, makers of the Mimeograph, Chicago, send you a sample of this paper—also booklet “W-1” with information as to how the Mimeograph will save both time and money for you. MIM ESE APH ee J

Page 5

Page 6

VOLUME I. ROUKIVUAVYA ATG H Uj ' ‘ t ‘ ' ' ‘ f ‘ ‘ ‘ ( ‘ U U t ' ' J U t t ‘ 1 ' ' ‘ ‘ { t ' ‘ A ‘ ‘ 0 ' ' i i \ i ‘ ! | \ ' ' t ! ‘ ' ( ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ i] J \ ‘ Oa Lt $ OMIT V JANUARY 4, 1883. wi 4 ’ Ri \ \ \ AN \ Fy ‘ ‘ AN \ i Birth ND Lire is middle-aged! Can it be but fifteen years since it celebrated lustily its twenty-fifth birthday, and Mr. Gibson drew for us a cheerful, charming winged child, crowned with laurel, and tossing off his champagne “to those who have gone.” A thousand years, instead of fifteen, might have passed since those bright days. Toasts are still proposed, but not drunk. Speeches are made, and listened to with bleak attention. A for- tieth birthday in a dry land is a sober and serious affair. The world, shaken by the impact of the Great War, has not yet achieved the Great Peace for which she fought. Irishmen are killing Irishmen in the same genial, whole-hearted fashion in which they once killed the hated Sassenach. Turks are dis- posing of vast numbers of Christians, while we shake our heads, and murmur faint ad- monishments. France has a heart full of bit- terness. Germany is teaching us the gentle art of defalcation. America holds the purse- ublished at the Life Office - , Entered ati NX-Bost Office as Second Class Mail Matter. AN t et \\ i fais days strings of the world, and is doing her best, with the help of a prohibitive tariff, to keep her neighbors poor. England, never too proud to fight, a1.d always too proud to owe, is crushing herself with taxes to pay us in- terest on her debt. And it is up to the forty- year-old Lire to quicken our spirits and make us laugh in the face of circumstance. Well, ten years ago (Lire was then celebrating its thirtieth birthday) Mr. Mitch- ell said truly that no pessimist could run a humorous journal. It takes a deal of courage as well as a deal of fun. Not the “meaning- less and derisive laugh” which Henry Adams charged against American society, but the gay jest aimed at folly, the sharp jest aimed at wrong, are Lire’s contributions to the art of living. Forty years of laughter lie be- hind it, and a Golden Jubilee gleams ten years ahead. Lest I should not be here to raise my empty glass that day, I send my greetings into the misty future, to meet Lire as it steps lightly over its first half-century. Agnes Repplier. - New yYorr. NUMBER 1. 155 Broadway — COPYRIGHT 1662, BY JAAITCHO..

Page 7

Home Town Questionnaire HEN you first come to New York from ‘way off some- where, do you wonder: If you look as countrified as you feel? If any Jews are left in Russia? How soon the bell boys can enter Wall Street? If every one feels that way about Hylan, why some one doesn’t do something about it? Why they call them drug stores? When they first began to get that way about Brooklyn? How the Prohibition officials ex- iin themselves ? How they can look at their funny ttle surface cars without laughing ? If any small town could produce iything more distinctively small- H wa sos rin 1 A | } a . itl " | i. \) | ox Dy 4 Wa ? | ) | 3 ( SIZ’ 5 tha sl | Za sik Bee rire wet eee VIA resem j | i I\ Gi i | | amit | —— PLE MUL - . | TMTWAA M ||| AZZ | ee LIFE town than the average “colyum” in the daily papers? How they train their policemen to answer politely so many fool ques- tions ? If it would not be interesting if some catastrophe were to cause every one in Greenwich Village or at the Ritz to revert suddenly to type? If any warrior, patriot or aristo- crat ever displayed a more deter- mined courage than those who daily enter the subway rush? If any thoroughfare in all the world could be more thrilling and beautiful on which to take your walks abroad than Fifth Avenue—even your own Main Street? If you are going to see anything really wicked enough to whisper truthfully about back home? Sew . Sy . wn! SS . 4, =z ec —_. te ' ih ‘ a Lady: Are you the electric light? Worm: No, ma’m, I’m the gas. Gratified Ambitions HEN Francis Patrick John McGhee Was but a little lad The height of his ambition was To be a pirate bad. He dreamed of looting merchants, and Denying tearful pleas From helpless, hapless maidens to “The Terror of the Seas.” Too often childish visions must With childhood pass away; The lovely hues of Might-Have-Been Replaced by dull to-day. But kindly Fate saved Frank McGhee From such a future drab, And happy in his piracy He drives a taxicab. A. H., Jr. Rus: Dobbs married an heiress. Dus: For better or worse? Rus: For more or less!

Page 8

December All the morning at an 28th inventory of my Christmas gifts, among them being many brave and costly things, albeit the yard of German sausage and the jar of cu- cumber rings sent us by Mary Jos- celyn pleased me most... . In the afternoon to visit Mrs. Giddings, who is come from Boston to spend the winter in our city, and she did mention no less than six times that she had let the apartment furnished, implying that her own taste was not reflected in its investiture. Nor have I ever encountered a sub-tenant who did not make the same apologies, as if he would have you think his own zesthetic sense to be superior to that of his landlord. Which, God knows, is not always the truth. . To a dinner at the Blacks’, and thence to “The Texas Nightingale,” I greatly perturbed at our being late. I have not yet lost my youthful fear that if I am not present when the curtain rises I shall never catch on to the hang of the plot. December Lay late, ruminating on this and that, and amused to recall Miss Akins’s suggestion in last night’s piece that a poet’s imagination bathes everything in beauty, and that perhaps Helen of Troy and Beatrice were not actually the sirens which Homer and Dante made them out to be. . . .Hilda Flagg for luncheon, and she did talk of her unhappy love affair until I regretted having asked her. Lord! methinks that a tendency to be monogamous is the real curse which was put upon wo- 29th man in the Garden. It is easy for me to rejoice with them that do re- joice, but weeping with them that weep is another matter. I did give Hilda some sage counsel, however, albeit I doubt gravely that she will follow it. . . . Sam home early, in high Spirits over our invitation to Lire’s fortieth anniversary din- ner at Sherry’s next Wednesday night, and my own enthusiasm would equal his if I could be sure that they would not call upon him for a speech. December Did on the costume 30th which I am to wear to to-morrow night’s re- vel, and thankful that it needs no let- ting out. Nor should I go to such a party were it not for the Browns’ friendship, since I have no heart for masquerading. Why we should spend money on foreign mission- aries when such festivities still pre- vail in our own civilization is be- yond me. . . .In the afternoon to see John Barrymore as Hamlet, and so moved by his performance that tears sprang to my eyes. . . .After dinner to Marge Boothby’s for bridge, and the fourth was Commander Ows- ley of the navy, a young man who talked and laughed and made such outrageous bids and plays that the late Mr. Elwell must have turned in his grave all evening. And yet the sailor did win everybody’s money. _ Verily, Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered... . The New Year upon us now, but no old desires revived in me, my new ones being much more profitable and diverting. Nor shall I make but one resolution. And that is never to go to another tea. B. L. On a Birthday OW that you've finished your Forty Year, Gainer in things that are always fine— Memories each of the days made dear, Even the salt of the inward tear— What do you miss like the good old wine? Friends that have passed like the fading day, Soft as the dusk on the mountain pine, Shrouded in gray as they went away, Silently vanishing from the play— They were alive in the old, red wine. Those that you loved and those that you wooed, Twilight, and ease, and a smile benign, Bringing them back to a thoughtful mood; Maybe there’s something you've al- ways rued— You could forget in a glass of wine. What if the leaves that are shading red, Flashing to gold in the Autumn’s shine, Winter will reap in a harvest dread? Always in life there will be the dead— But grapes are ripe for the future wine. Now that you’ve ended your Forty Year, Which of the things of a long time syne, Even the joys, do you hold as mere Items (which most of them are, I fear )— What do you miss like the good, old wine? J. K. M. What We May Expect in the Millennium OTORISTS exonerating each other for an accident. Boys abandoning the idea of throwing snowballs at us. -Taxicab drivers avoiding holes. Successful flashlight pictures. Milkmen doing their work noise- lessly. Everybody economical with park- ing space. Checks in every mail. Parents discouraging their off- springs’ recitals before company. Paris copying our styles.

Page 9

Robert C. Benchley EMORIES are all very well Min their place, and that, if anywhere is in a fortieth anniver- sary number. The present Editor could vie if he chose with Brander Matthews, “Droch”, and even E. S. M. in anecdotage and recollections of the speeding decades. He could tell of his first contribution to the paper in 1887, and of his acquaint- ince and friendship with all of his predecessors and most of the con- tributors; but he restrains the rush of reminiscence and turns the back- ward-looking eye forward for a glance at the present, and a pro- phetic glimpse into the future. Of course Lire is not what it used to be; and the mystery of that —which is no mystery at all—will be explained for many as_ they glance at the distorted creatures whose semblances adorn this and other pages. And yet whatever short-coming is betrayed in these presentments of Lire’s staff, none may be accused of vanity, for each —— Louis Evan Shipman The Staff of Life Robert E. Sherwood freely accepted martyrdom at the point of Mr. Wyncie King’s pen; the wife of only one protesting! Oliver Herford, associate editor, the blithest and most youthful spirit in this company, deserves his fate, for in each of Lire’s forty volumes will be found testimony to some as- sault of his; his victims strew our pages. With a happy recusancy, he spurns reform, and has promised to contribute to the next forty. The rest of us are, in some sort, merely innocent bystanders, spatter- ed as it were, by the venomous ink intended for Herford. Casey the art editor, who guides and mitigates the steady flow of illustrations that pour through the offices, whose urbane re- fusal is more welcome than the curt acceptance of another ; Lucinda Flynn, gallantly spared from caricature, but nevertheless the invaluable guide and censor of every editorial activity; Benchley, Shakespearean, and 49er, who loves the theatre, and guys and guides the drama; Sherwood, the longest member of the staff, for some strange reason enamored of the movies; Hanemann, the youngest, whose philological studies have en- abled him to interpret New Yorkese, and rescue exotic fairy tales; Ware, political observer and ironist; Gray, Oliver Herford lynx-eyed, meticulous, final arbiter as to when an old joke is a new one; and finally to prove, if proof were needed, that the old tradition of Lire is perennial, are Gibson and Martin; philosophers; satirists, artists both of them. So there they are, joyous spirits all, never solemn except in their sense of obligation as temporary, fortunate custodians of Lure’s high, gay purpose. And what is that purpose? With the changing years, it has not changed. To paraphrase the definition of the founder of Lire it is to support wholeheartedly Cheer- fulness, Justice and Charity; to chastise Melancholy and Humbug; and may I add, to interpret this coun- try of ours to itself in terms of fun, gaiety and humor. Luckily the duty of performing this ambitious task is not entirely in the hands of the staff. Theirs to (Continued on page 36)

Page 10

LIFE WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE'S A WEIGH Resolved to weigh less every day | | (HA, /\IC. > .. 2 / . \ / { ——— ' j - ‘ ~~ ( - / x xz VU _ = } > v ‘ ss r fe : 5 i St | | } —, 4) \- {p> 3 Hyp i Jan LF > a nan SSN And lesser and lesser-- And lesser in every weigh.

Page 11

T was, I think, early in the fall of 1882 that Henry Holt asked me to lunch to meet a ~ young artist, John @% Ames Mitchell, who had made some delightful decora- tions for a volume of society verse Holt had published. I must have told Holt that I had a scheme for a new weekly, because when we were at table he asked me to expound my plans to his other guest, informing me that Mitchell was making ready to start a paper of his own. My scheme was only a visionary project and I saw no im- mediate opportunity for putting it in- to execution. Still I was willing to expound it; and Mitchell was willing to listen. *** E asked many questions which I answered as best I could. I soon got the impression that he had no warm admiration for what I was proposing. This did not prevent me from liking him or him from liking me. We did not begin by swearing an eternal friendship; but in the next few weeks we met occasionally and I was able to suggest the names of several available contributors. Either he asked me to provide the theatrical criticisms or I proposed myself to do so. At last, with the New Year, the first number of Lire appeared; and I was not surprised to see that Mitchell had borrowed little or nothing from the plan I had outlined at our first meeting. Lire was Mitchell’s and his alone. He knew what he wanted it to be, even if he was not able to attain his ideal in the first number or in the twentieth. He had many difficulties to overcome, not the least of them being his lack of adequate capital. When success came at last Lire be- came what its founder had intended before it began. *x** * Y own contributions in prose and in verse were not many, although I continued to deal with the drama for a few weeks. My theatrical reviews were not exactly criticisms; they were condensations of the dialogue of the pieces I was considering, interspersed with sup- posed comments by the spectators of LIFE FORTY YEARS the performance. I had taken for my model the theatrical reviews which W. L. Alden had written for the short-lived Punchinello of 1870. Punchinello was the latest of a long list of American imitations of Punch— “Like the English, no doubt, Just the lemon and sugar and spirit left out.” As Lowell aptly put it. What made Lire viable was that it was not an imitation of Punch. Not to imitate Punch was Mitchell’s fixed princi- ple, from which he never departed. * * OR some reason—I cannot now recall what it may have been— my contributions became more and more intermittent. But my friendship for the founder of Lire never less- ened. Although I did not see him as often as I should have chosen, we always met gladly. Now he has gone, and I suppose that Martin and I are the sole survivors of the score of contributors to the first numbers of Lire. Well, that first number ap- peared two score years ago; and Lire is not extinct, even if our days are now numbered. Lire began as “a pretty page with a dimpled chin,” as Thackeray said, and at last it has “come to forty year.” May it at- tain to three score and ten! Nay, why should it not achieve the hon- orable years of the venerable Me- thuselah ? Brander Matthews. —— “Laugh, and the world laughs with you.”

Page 12

- LIFE - For Debtor or Worse So Sounder Summarizes the Allied Obligations ASHINGTON, January 2— It is high time that something be done about the Allied Debts, which are threatening to disrupt our na- tion. Only last week I read of a wo- man who took her little family of nine children to live at her brother- in-law’s, because her husband favor- ed the debt-refunding plan whereas she advocated cancellation. The Plight of that unfortunate husband, and that even less fortunate brother-in- law, made me realize that we must settle the problem once and for all, if we wish to preserve our family life. (That last statement seems to open another field for controversy, which I shall not deal with here; one thing at a time is my motto.) In looking into the problem, I have brushed aside the more obvious as- pects of the case, such as that to can- cel the debts might help things a lot in Europe and so here; that it wouldn’t hurt us as much to cancel them as some of their war contri- butions hurt France and England; and that most of the debtors can’t pay anyway. My Way is to go deeper, and go- ing there I find that we can do one of two things: first, we can cancel the debts; sec- ond, we can ask the Allies to pay them. Either course, I solemn- ly declare, after mature study, is the course to ruin and calamity. Never must we so far yield to generosity and sentiment as to cancel the debts. And under absolutely no circum- stances must we ever be trapped into letting them be paid! To my mind, our prosperity, indeed our national life and gov- ernment itself, is dependent on the debts’ remaining exactly as they are. The American business man, for ex- ample, has benefited more from them than from any other product of mod- ern civilization. It has moved him from the “Arrival of Buyers” column to the first page. W ould the Name of Julius Knittwittz mean anything to the nation if he had not stated in a _ two- column interview that the Allies should be made to pay and that he manufac- tures Infants’ Health- ever Sleeping Gar- ments ? If we had not read * that A. W. Bling, re- turning on S. S. Olympic, Urges U. S. Cancel Debts, should we ever have known that Mr. Bling stands well in the Christmas card trade? If you should convert the other 672,516 expressions of opinions into dollars and cents, you would find that the Allied Debts save our It has been suggested that returning business men simply file their opinions along with their passports. Without the Allied Debts as an opening wedge, how can Senator Borah bring up foreign disarma- ment and the Soviet every day? business men several hundred thou- sands a year in advertising. But of Even Greater importance are the Allied debts to the nation at large. With those debts either paid or cancelled, we should be practically on the same footing as any other nation, a position intoler- able, of course, to any patriotically minded man. It is in their bene- fits to Congress, however, that the Allied Debts attain their greatest useful- ness to us. Since al- most all our legis- lation involves the spending of varying amounts of money, some impractical ob- structionist not in- frequently wants to know how the money is to be raised. We have often had to give up beautiful vote-getting § measures merely because we could not, off- hand, think of some way of getting the necessary funds, without also getting the taxpayers’ goat. The War Has Changed all that, for the interest on the Allied Debts stands as an inexhaust- ible fund for such proj- ects; it can’t hurt any- one to spend something that isn’t. We have fi- nanced the bonus from it; if worst comes to worst, we can make it pay the ship subsidy. I confidently expect, therefore, that under my leadership Congress will definitely settle the question of the Allied Debts by an act prohib- iting any settlement. Sounder. cw zx oa al = , Nets

Page 13

ee Nf ~ ice = ai\N ee A | | ee Ay

right after you've *t think I’m goin’ to pull ye ll have to walk. Ye needn ° sis, you “See here, yer dinner.” had AN AN Ys ii ase — 1 ON ae ‘ ie ‘a ‘Ww SNe, ~~ — ——_— wv = x " « \\ me. ; ats — —\ > =< — NN f O- — ve z _ E eS z z Ls) 2 ia c _ 3 a a a n _ 5

Page 14

Things LI FE& CWould Rather Like to “Know } President Harding has begun work on his memoirs. * * * What the U. S. stands for bonus. * KOK Why Dr. Coué doesn’t offer his services to the European situation. * * * If Mr. Warren’s bootlegging. profession is * * * Why Congress does not pass a law making it a crime to misrepre- sent the age of whisky offered for sale. x * * Why some enterprising transpor- tation company does not organize tours to the scenes of all the latest song hits. x * * If Washington would have told a lie had he lived under Prohibition. x * * Whether James Joyce entitled his novel “Ulysses” because of the hero’s or the author’s wanderings. x * * Whether, now that Miss Winifred Holt is married, she will take up Light Housekeeping. Why government of the people, by the people and for the people can't ever get along with the people. * * x How cows that supply milk to the city make the grade. * * * Whether, in the dissolution of his law partnership with former Presi- dent Wilson, Bainbridge Colby was awarded custody of the waste basket. ** * How the Supreme Court became convinced that the Bill of Rights was drawn for ninety days, and had run out now. xk * Who teaches lame ducks to mix whitewash. * * * How many ticket speculators have gone into bankruptcy since the Producing Managers’ Association put them out of business. x * * How many hours of labor there are in an eight-hour day. ** * Whether Mr. Tumulty, in advis- ing us to get back to the Ten Com- mandments, is quite loyal to the Fourteen Points. ** * What Isadora Duncan thinks of the Anti-Salome league. Dividing the Spoils (A Bedroom and Parlor Drama) Act I Scene: Parlor of the Jones apart- ment, Time: 7.15 P. M. Characters: Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones: I shall expect you at twelve o'clock. If you're late ¢ time don’t come home at all. sick of these all-night poker part Mr. Jones: Don’t worry, dear. ||! be glad to get away. I wouldn't even go if I hadn’t promised the boys Act II Scene: Living room of Smith's bachelor apartment. Time: 3:25 the next morning. Characters: Sam _ Jones, Smith and others in the game. SmitH: That makes one hundred and sixty-five you owe, Sam. Sorry you can’t stay and get some of it back. Jones: Well, you see, Mary hasn't been feeling well lately, and I don't think it’s right to stay too late under the circumstances. I'll write a check for that—one sixty-five, you said. I need what cash I have. (Writes check and hands it to Smith.) S'long, boys. Act III Scene: Bedroom of the Jones apartment. Time: 4:55 a. M. Characters: Same as Act 1. Mrs. Jones: Well, what is it this time? Didn’t I tell you not to come home if— Mr. Jones: I wanted to leave, my dear, but I was winning and I sim- ply couldn’t walk out on the boys. They'd think I was a cheap skate if I did. Mrs. Jones: I don’t see why you couldn't. How much did you win? Mr. Jones: Fifty, dear. I’m going to share it with you because, really, you won it just as much as I did by letting me go. Here’s the twenty- five. Mrs. Jones: Well, all right this time. Are you sure you only won fifty ? Mr. Jones: That’s all, my dear. CuRTAIN 5. &.

Page 15

- LIFE - My Husband Says HAT he knows I have a lot of things to do and that I must get awfully tired some- times. He says it makes him tired just hearing about it. I went to a fair the other week. It was to try to raise money for a new vestment =a. tor the janitor, and a shade for the lamp in the ladies’ parlor. [ hope they select a purple one. I think purple casts such an interesting pallor over the face. [ didn’t buy anything; but I think fairs are even more tiresome when you don’t buy things. he excitement of selecting and looking for change an! everything keeps one up. \!y husband says it must be awfully wearing the next ing when you look at the things you fell for. overheard one of the head ladies, who had charge e holder booth, say to the fat lady on the miscel- us table that she hoped people would come to buy Christmas gifts. y husband says that he thinks the things they sell at are not suitable for Christmas gifts, if you care hing for the people you give them to. | a a One Perfect Rose Fg ye flow’r he sent me, since we met. All tenderly his messenger he chose; Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet— One perfect rose. I knew the language of the floweret; “My fragile leaves,” it said, “his heart enclose.” Love long has taken for his amulet One perfect rose. Why is it no one ever sent me yet One perfect limousine, do you suppose ? But no, it’s always just my luck to get One perfect rose. D. P. Judging from Advertisements Proressor: Can any one tell me the secret of Napo- leon’s success? StupDENT: I suppose he took a correspondence course in something or other. He (passionately): You are trying to forget me! “No—I'm trying to remember you.”

Page 16

As He Leaves Our Own Market Letter for Town Solomon Is Givené Few Errands to Do Unspeculative Favorites for the Current Year ILLIONS of dollars are annu- ally lost by unwise speculation in stocks. If all those who buy or sell securities had acted on the in- side information furnished our clients their profits would have been enormous. With the knowledge of future conditions so clearly fore- shadowed by our expert predictors, everybody wins and nobody loses. Under our system speculation is eliminated. Making money is a cer- tainty. We strongly recommend purchase of all high-grade railway stocks, ex- cept those affected by the recent strike. The possibility that the rail- roads may have to continue to pay wages based on war-inflation condi- tions indicates reduced earnings that will probably result in declining val- ues. It will be advisable to sell rail stocks wherever high freight and passenger rates have diminished net income. *x* * * The bull movement in Raisin Pre- ferred has been traced by our Egg Harbor correspondent to the lack of fog along the New Jersey coast, ac- companied by increased activity on the part of the Volstead bootleg fleet. When it is realized that 4,062,880,317 raisins are required for the normal home-brew production, the value of this stock is manifest. In the principal rubber stocks we confidently predict a period of ex- pansion and contraction. The in- genious suggestion by Professor Irv- ing Fisher of Yale, that instead of the gold standard the United States should adopt an india-rubber wam- pum that can be stretched or con- tracted so as to stabilize prices, will, if adopted, create a demand for old motor tires far exceeding the supply. ** * Amalgamated Hops Common is likely to move in either direction, as the result of unsettled conditions in a large number of family wash- boilers. By buying just before an advance, or selling before a decline, our clients are sure to make profits. Belgian Hares, Limited, will show increased earnings sufficient to pay a dividend of 1000 per cent., if the experiments in using rabbit fur as a substitute for wool are successful. The high tariff taxes on wool and woolens will have no terrors for the people who wear clothes, so long as merino sweaters can be grown in every backyard. We invite special attention to the prospects for the One-Way Steam ship Company, which is building a fleet designed to carry freight out of the country and bring nothing back. As this eliminates the expens« of loading goods for the return voy age, it is expected the Company’: earnings will be double that of all rival shipping concerns. *x** * Our chart of comparative values suggests an upward swing in Winter Skirts, as soon as desirable elements of the population discover that less attention is being paid to their sup- porting conditions. The above are merely a few of the many opportunities for buying or selling stocks. Write us for book- let giving full list of attractive propo- sitions, every one of which we guar- antee will go either higher or lower sometime. Why work, when you can get rich by the judicious purchase or sale of hand-watered securities ? W. G.

Page 17

To Old Doctor LIFE EK [HEREAL wavelets, wires and ticker-tapes ', Convey the pregnant news that Lire is forty! Then, at the word, ten thousand picture-shapes Wit Tl lt WI! om Lire’s own pages make a joyous sortie; dignity, with merriment and japes, Sententious, witty, tender, shrewd, or sporty, hey march, these art-begotten simulacra, : triumph up Lire’s private Via Sacra. at multitudes of every known degree \mid that throng the dazzled eye discovers! hat beasts that never were on land or sea, \Vhat hosts of pretty girls from painted covers, t packs of all the breeds of dog there be, \Vhat troops of rich men, poor men, lawyers, lovers, And children—bless their hearts, the little stupids! | what a very avalanche of cupids! “Hail, Doctor Lire!” begins in stately tone he well-drawn Senator who acts as proctor; (ail Doctor Lire! Though not to you is known he lore possessed by every pill-concocter, Savacity has marked you for her own nd you are forty—hence you must be ‘Doctor,’ e every one, by popular admission, t forty is a fool or a physician. ‘> we your creatures, we your true allies, our mammals, reptiles, feathered bipeds, fishes human folk portrayed in every guise, resent our fondest birthday hopes and wishes: ong may you flourish! while—(though peevish-wise, A A ‘erchance some priggish dullard poohs and pishes )— rrateful Nation owns itself your debtor | adds that every week you're getting better!” A.G. All I Know Is What I Read in the Papers EE where the Allied Debt Conference in London iJ broke up. Getting harder every day to pay debts ul li ‘ss one of the Parties has some money. ** * they could just think of something to use for money. ** & xcrmany did, they thought of Marks. ** * ll, Clemenceau has gone back after telling us what thought of us. Only bad feature is that it might en- rage Lloyd George to come over and give us Eng- l's version of us. *** menceau is certainly a novelty among Politicians. says what he thinks and NOT what he thinks he ught to say. ine now. ** * is the Senator Borah of France. ** ype war don’t come, it would strike us at a bad All our men are busy fighting Prohibition -ither on one side or the other. ** * lt must astonish the ex-Kaiser to realize that he has inally had a successful engagement. Will Rogers. A TINT Tati for to-morrow. The Perennial Plaint “LIFE isn’t what it used to be.” Unavoidably Postponed Turkish PasHa: A massacre of Christians is set See to it. CuieF Orricer (pale with consiernation) : Impossible ! The American official observer cannot arrive until the day following.

Page 18

vO JANUARY 4, 1923. London Offices, Rolls House, Breams Bldgs., IFE, whether you spell it with a capital or otherwise, when it really wins is a triumph of spirit over matter. That Lire the paper, being born, went on living, was a spiritual exploit. It had the will to live, and it lived. Its main material asset at birth was ten thousand dollars that John Ames Mitchell had in the bank. An Ames relative had provided it for him to invest in an experiment that he had in mind. Mitchell had done several things and acquired a good deal of educa- tion in doing them. He had spent four years in Paris studying archi- tecture, a year or two in Boston try- ing to practice it, and about three years more in Paris learning to paint, and had come home 2nd es- tablished himself in New York in a studio at 1155 Broadway with the intent to transmute his talents and acquired knowledge into means of support. He had a publisher friend, Henry Holt, still a publisher and still a friend. Holt brought out an il- lustrated edition of “Vers de Societé” Mitchell made illustrations for it. He made a picture book about the Sum- mer School of Philosophy at Mount Desert, in those years just emerging as the Wild East of fashion. It was an amusing book, running over with Cupids and courtship. Holt published it. So Mitchell, when he had finally determined that his best line was humorous drawing, and that he would like to start a paper in which to express himself, went to Holt for advice, and even negotiated with him to publish the paper he wanted to start. But Holt had common sense, also experience. To attempt to do what Mitchell wished to do in the way that Mitchell wanted to do it did not appeal to him as a business pro- posal, so Mitchell, after taking more advice and negotiating with more Nae ne aera “While there is Life there’s Hope” : Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY London, 598 Madison Avenue, New York publishers, and being duly admon- ished not to throw away his money in a perfectly hopeless venture, con- cluded that he would have to start his paper himself and began to look about for hands to help him. His first need, he thought, was a literary editor who would attend to putting the reading matter into the tr ; ora x : — ee oe Charles Dana Gieon publication for which he expected himself to attend to the provision of pictures. It showed the simplicity of Mitchell’s mind that he should have thought his first need was a literary editor. He had not a large acquaintance among literary editors, and if he had known of one who gave outward evidence of being com- petent he would doubtless have had to pay him more than he could af- ford. Being himself inexperienced he engaged an editor of like quali- fications. I remember Holt’s exami- nation of me after I appeared in New York in answer to Mitchell’s summons. Holt in his concern for Mitchell tried to discover why I thought I could do the job. Now the edit a humorous paper best evidence of ability to do a jot is always that one has done it a similar job, but I had no evidence of just that sort to offer. The be title I had to being competent was tl I had come rather nearer succeedirg in an employment of that sort thar I had in anything else. I had bec: in Harvard College when the Law- poon was started and had been in- cluded in the first editorial board that paper, and I had learned make verses and to write paragraplhis and liked that employment as well as any, and after studying law and picking up malaria and having mis- adventures of health, and taking a preliminary course of diplomacy in the State Department at Washing- ton, I had gone back to Cambridge and spent about three months in an effort to have the Harvard Lam- poon graduate out of Harvard Col- lege into the large outside world and become a humorous weekly paper with pictures in it. That effort had failed, but Mitchell, in his quest for an editor, was told that I was a perso who had been affected by a delusix almost identical with his own, a might be a proper man to help hi out. So he wrote to me, and late in the fall of 1882 I came to New York, sat down at a table in the studio on Broadway, and began -to take thought as to what to put into the paper. Having got himself an _ editor, Mitchell next felt the need of a bus'- ness manager and there I helped him, for I knew Andrew Miller of the Class of ’80 in Harvard College, and knew that he had a job in an adver- tising concern, and knew that ad- vertisements were one of the things that it was desirable that the new paper should have if it was to con- tinue to subsist. So I caught Miller

Page 19

and put him into communication with Mitchell, and the arrangements be- tween them being satisfactory, Mil- ler was engaged. At that time, late in 1882, Miller had been out of college two and a half years, and I three years more. Mitchell divided the imaginary own- ership of the paper into four parts— two of them he kept for himself, one he assigned to Miller and one to me, and that was the understand- ing—that Miller and I were each to have a quarter-interest and Mitchell a half-interest. Besides that he paid us wages enough to keep us alive. There was another matter — to name the paper. That was import- ant. The possible names were con- sidered and Lire was chosen—a comprehensive title that left nothing out—and Mitchell proceeded to make drawings for the cover and the top of the editorial page, of which the latter is still in regular use, and the other one, in which Time is fiddling to two dancing cherubs, comes out of its retirement on oc- casion, [llustrators did not abound in the early eighties. From the staff of the Lampoon, which by that time had temporarily suspended publication, Mitchell annexed Atwood, very valu- able then and always as long as he lived, both because he could draw delightful things that were suitable for a humorous paper, and because of his active mind and gallant spirit and integrity of soul. Atwood was always interested in politics, as well as in current life. The standbys for society pictures, besides Mitchell himself, were Harry McVickar, who belonged to the po- George B. Richardson LIFE lite world, saw polite people and could draw girls and depict patent- leather shoes with a wonderful pol- ish, and W. H. Hyde, who had McVickar’s social qualifications and pe. ; Edward Sandford Martin a better control of art. Besides those four—Mitchell, Atwood, McVickar and Hyde—one finds in the early numbers of Lire frequent con- tributions from Palmer Cox, who was a valued and popular contribu- tor almost from the start; from E. W. Kemble, strong in comic negroes ; from Gray-Parker, strong in all horse pictures and in Anglo-maniacs ; from W.A.Rogers, Dan Beard, René Bach and much from Kendrick, who could draw likenesses and was already a working cartoonist on the Graphic and was brought in by me, if my memory is right, to be our reliance for cartoons. With these helpers the numbers as they came along were furnished with pictures. As for writers, I cast about to find whom I could. Besides my own contributions to the first number there was a poem from J. T. Wheelwright and the first of a series of articles by F. J. Stim- son, both of whom had been editors of the Lampoon. Other contributors were G. P. Lathrop, Cheever Good- win and G. T. Lanigan, and Brander Matthews, who as “Arthur Penn” took charge of the theatres, and when the theatre season was over contrib- uted verse and other pieces. John Kendrick Bangs, just out of Colum- bia where he had to do with the Spectator, came very promptly to the help of the new paper and was a fertile and versatile contributor for many years. For a time later he wrote the editorial paragraphs. A good many of Jim Riley’s early 17 poems appeared in those early num- bers of Lire, the first of them in the third issue, and some of them were illustrated with charming pic- tures by Atwood. Frank Dempster Sherman, the soulmate at that time of Bangs, was another provider of good verses. Henry Guy Carleton began with verse, and another poet was Curtis Guild, Jr., afterwards a distinguished leader in the politics of Massachusetts. E. D. Beach, of the Sun, sent us stories. George T. Lanigan sent fables, verse and any- thing else our space required. Henry A. Beers, of Yale, wrote condensed novels, and a Yale Undergraduate Diary, which was very funny and afterwards was published as a little book. So the infant was fed and kept alive and began to find its legs and gain its strength. As for me, my bolt was soon shot. Some years before, as I have said, I had picked up malaria and that was a troublesome acquisition, slow to eradicate and a bad impediment to holding a job. In the spring it would come back and pinch me, and my mental machinery would pretty well cease to function. I got through the winter, but along in April | had begun to sag. So presently | abdicated my editorship, returned to Mitchell the greater part of the proprietary interest he had assigned to me, and went up the state where, after completing some law studies, I hired out as an editorial writer for a newspaper. But Lire by no means collapsed when I did. It was a going concern and able already to draw to itself the men that it needed. My succes- sor as editor was Henry Guy Carle- 2 or ae LeRoy Miller

Page 20

18 ton, who had pushed in as an active contributor, and made himself valu- able especially as the historian of the Thompson Street Poker Club. As an editor, Carleton was proba- bly the most irresponsible ever known, but the contributors contrib- uted, and new ones came along, and their pieces and their verses got into the paper, and Lire went on until some time in its second year it turned the corner and actually began to make money. Mitchell gradually ceased to draw much himself for his paper, and gave his time and strength to editing it. I have said that his book about the Summer School of Philosophy at Mount Desert was overrun with Cupids and courtship. His interest in the great impulse which, as the basis of life, has been defined by a Boston philosopher as Topic Number One, was always lively, and to the end of his days never weakened, much less went out. He had a vast sympathy for lovers and that was one of the things that kept Lire young and commended it to Youth. He LIFE loved jokes and never grew solemn, though he did grow very wise in the management of Lire and its re- lation to society, and in his dealings with all the people who read it or helped him make it. What followed the editorship of Carleton is not my story. When presently Carleton broke out as a successful playwright and left the paper, Frank White was editor for a time. John Bangs was editor for a longer period. Presently I began to renew contributions, and a little later to write the editorial para- graphs, sending them in by mail. When I got back to New York in November, 1896, on the morning af- ter McKinley’s election, Lire was a very well-established institution, thirteen years old. It had moved twice, had sojourned a while in 23rd Street, and had built itself a house in 3lst Street and settled down there. Gibson was a veteran contributor of ten years’ standing. Metcalfe had come on the paper, and as dramatic critic was fighting most of the the- atres, putting up, usually, an ener- : a { ae 7-22 202 SS ——_ getic assault in a good cause, with Mitchell’s hearty backing. Masson had become managing editor, with Lucinda Flynn not yet visible, some- where on the way to become his as- sociate editor. Mitchell and Miller were the owners and Miller the busi- ness manager. So it went along through many prosperous years, through the Spanish War, through the coruscating years of Roosevelt, and through the Great War, in which Mitchell, who dearly loved France, was an incensed and indefatigab\ supporter of the Allies, up to June, 1918, when, his heart’s desire for France being far on the way toward accomplishment, he passed away. The headship of the paper devolved upon Miller, but when Miller followed Mitchell a year and a half later, the control of Lire became a serious and difficult problem. As the for- tunate result of much thought and many efforts, it passed in the spring of 1920 to its most famous contrib- utor, and under his direction has since proceeded and prospered. E. S. Marti: “s = enn =~ Young Mother (examining baby with magnifying glass): Harry, I’m simply tickled to death! I believe that when Baby grows up he’s going to have a dark mustache.

Page 21

mories Me BO AS) Gah ¥ ay se ee ee a.¥ USA rs WN -.

Page 22

Birtida Life’s

Page 23

s Birtiday Party Key e page 28)

Page 24

i | ce “Ooh! Look at the great big moon!” “So! 1 ain’t good enough to be asted to this party, huh! “Do I look like a d—— fool? Well, some day Vil run off a party o° me own ’n nobody’ll get invited!” —* Yip pat bre WN\p “ae (yj { NA quell 4] 1/ i, Hy, y WZ “And this is the birthday present ya gived me, huh, Freddie? The very exackly book I gived you for Chris’mas!” Speaking of Birthday Parties me SA a eer —

Page 25

i ne SO wor NE day in the spring or summer of 1883,- I > came uptown early from the office of the Evening Post on a lit- erary adventure. I had sold a poem some weeks before to a very new periodical called Lire. Even although I had been in the business for several years, I was im- patient to know why a poem like that was not published as soon as pos- sible. I climbed two flights of stairs in a building, at the southwest corner of Broadway and 27th Street, found the name on the door in the semi- darkness, and opened it into a new world. It was one large studio room, high in the ceiling, with a great deal of the usual studio junk around. I think there were even a suit of armor and a plaster cast. It was entirely different from the offices on Park Row. A large screen divided it into a front and back office. In the front of the screen was a desk for the business manager, Andrew Mil- ler, Harvard 1880. * * * THINK it was Dick, the office boy 4. (who afterwards managed so many ‘hings, including authors and ar- tists), who ushered me behind the screen. That was the editorial depart- ment, and there I first met John Anies Mitchell, the founder, principal own- er, and editor of Lire until his death in 1918. He was 38 years of age when he founded Lire, but it seems to me that he changed very little from that first glimpse of him until his death at the age of 73. There was a kindly gleam in his eyes be- hind his glasses, a humorous quirk to his mouth, and a genial voice and pleasing way with him that made me feel at home. * * * ™ OU took a poem of mine some time ago, and I dropped in to see whether by chance, it had been published and I had missed it.” This is an old device, and I have been accustomed to hearing it ex- pressed for many years. Of course, I had read every number of Lire from the beginning and knew it had not appeared. Mitchell reached for a hook con- taining galleys of material in type LIFE The First Years By Robert Bridges (“Droch”) and showed me that he had poetry enough for months. He promised to keep mine particularly in view. He asked me what I did on the Eve- ning Post, and I explained the work of the news department, and said that I wrote besides a good many brief notices of new books. Im- mediately he said: “I want somebody to try a hand at brief satirical reviews in LiFe. How would you like to attempt it?” That was the opening wedge, and beginning with November, 1883, ior seventeen years, I wrote “Bookish- ness” in LiFe over the signature Droch. The very first number of Lire made an appeal by its appearance, attitude, and associations, to young college men. There was no periodi- cal appealing to that spirit of gaiety, satire, and humor which the Harvard Lampoon had been the first to culti- vate. Mitchell surrounded himself with a Harvard Lampoon crowd. Edward S. Martin, who has written editorials from the very first number, was associated with Mitchell from the start, and other announced con- tributors were John T. Wheelwright, Robert Grant, and J. S. of Dale (F. J. Stimson). + * + ITCHELL was an expert pen- and-ink artist and grasped the possibilities of the new process of di- rect plates fromlinedrawings. He had studied in France at the Beaux Arts, and had grafted on his New England business ability a fine Gallic wit. Until long after that date, Punch had its line drawings engraved on wood —a laborious and expensive process. Mitchell seized the chance to use the new process and encouraged a fine group of new artists. Those early numbers show Harry McVickar, F. G. Atwood, Kendrick, and Gray- Parker, who, with occasional draw- ings by Mitchell himself, founded a new school in America. Wheelwright, author of “Rollo’s Journey to Cambridge,” opened the first number with a bright poem, “What is Life?” Martin evidently wrote the first editorial, for it con- tained his well-known philosophy: “Fun is very good for men, and provided it is the right sort, the more they have of it, the better.” UT there were many other con- tributors in addition to the Lam- poon crowd—very well-known hum- orists of the day. They included La- nigan, Matthews, the eminent critic; Frank Dempster Sherman, supreme in the realm of light verse of the school of Calverley and Dobson. From time to time poems by James Whitcomb Riley appeared. Some of them were afterward quoted every- where. Recalling those earlier years, the most vivid memory is of the unusual personality, the pleasing manners, and the genial humor of the editors and the contributors. The General, as we all soon came to call Mitchell, had the faculty of picking the right people for Lire. They were not only good fellows, but good writers and good artists, and many of them achieved a permanent fame. It was a great thing to be in the same num- ber with men like Edward S. Martin, Oliver Herford, and Charles Dana Gibson—a privilege which the pres- ent-day contributors to Lire are for- tunate in still having. Each one of them has won a distinct place and a national fame. : 2s NE of the editors of Lire for a few years was John Kendrick Bangs, a man who added to the gaiety of living by his books and lectures for many years. There were many literary dinners in those days, and at one of them I found on my dinner card the following tribute from Bangs: Hor Scotcu ror Me He sits in judgment on our works; One in a hundred wins caresses, The other ninety-nine he dirks And spurns our well-beloved MSS. It was a delight to meet men like Metcalfe, W. H. Hyde, Herbert Sat- terlee, Louis Evan Shipman, T. S. Sullivant, W. A. Rogers—meetings which led to life-long friendships. We have been so accustomed to read with admiration of the men who made Punch that we have over- looked the splendid quality, as men and artists, of those who made and make LiFe. May that high standard long con- tinue, and may it be celebrated by our successors many decades from now !

Page 26

ST SA

Page 27

| Ct i yom ——

Page 28

HE wind blew gently along the porch of the Home for Aged Jokes. It was a pleasant time for sit- ting about and recalling the old days, the days when Puck and Judge were championing Grover Cleveland and the Full Dinner-pail respectively, and when Lire had the same cover-design every week. “T remember,” said the heavy trage- dian, who wore a shabby fur-trimmed ulster with one hand thrust in at the breast, and whose name was Junius Brutus Hamfat, “IT remember the time when I was held to be one of the leading features of the magazine and was placed in a preferred position on the right-hand page following the poem of Cupid. It was the rather absurd pleasure to depict me walking along the railroad ties by a mile- post reading, ‘New York-200M,’ but I assure you—” “Say, dat don’t go wid me,” said Dusty Rhodes, the tramp with a tomato can tied around his waist. “Me and my pardner Weary Willie seen you practically every day hittin’ de ties when we wus cookin’ our meals down in de hollow by de tracks. An’ you was aluss in de same place, two hundred miles from Noo York. A fine walker, you wus. Nit!” “Aw weally, you chaps make me vewwy ill,” \ het uss ail i HH ie ‘ N came a RAN “~~ WS Beatrix: LIFE Visitors’ Day at the Joke Farm Quite impossible, my dear; the score direction is it like a married man. voice from behind the back of a large rocker where Cholly Sapleigh was sitting with the end of his cane in his mouth. “I was considered—aw-weally-doncherknow— to be the-aw-best thing in the whole bloomin’ field. A gweat many times they wan me in colors, with a weal yellow chrysanthemum in my button-hole of my box- coat, doncherknow. I have that box-coat upstairs in my trunk now. Shall I go up and put it on? Just for fun, you know ?” “If you do that,” said Dr. Goodbody, the missionary, “I shall go out into the barn and get my old cauldron which I haven’t been cooked in for twenty-five years. I understand that the cannibal chief who used to work with me in the pictures (by the way, he never returned that silk hat of mine that he used to wear) has a job over in town at a restaurant and we might persuade him to come over for an afternoon when he has his day off. He was really a good chap at heart, and in spite of the skulls and things scattered around his place, I don’t re- member his ever really eating me.” “Tt would have been all right with me if he had,” mut- tered an angry man who came in from the street rubbing his toe. “That’s the five thousandth time I’ve kicked that old hat out on the side-walk without guessing that the boys might have put a brick under it. You'd think that I'd have learned by this time not to give in to my impulses ae What do you + think of him? “con amore” and he’s playing

Page 29

The Rebels Speaking of self-determination of small people like that. It used to be only on April Fools’ Day that the boys did it, back in the old funny-paper days, but the town boys here have got wind of my failing and never let a chance slip by to humiliate me.” “T used to be like that, heedless. fter day, just as near as I could come to the sign marked I used to skate, day Danger.’ But here I am to tell the tale.” The fact seemed hardly worth boasting of, however, as the speak- er hadn’t even a name. He was just The Man Who ed to Skate Near the Danger Sign, and was sitting ith The Man Who Used to Turn His Back to a Charg- ig Bull and Say, “I Have a Feeling That I Am Going to e Raised To-day.” Nameless heroes both, and soon orgotten. As the sun grew hotter, the talk fell off. From the ield in back of the house came the sound of pistol shots. Little Willie Bostonbeans, seated on a large volume of Srowning, became philosophical. “Isn't it incongruous,” he said, “that, deprived of a means of obtaining suste- nance, we should be thrown thus on an eleemosynary in- stitution, while those ordnance vibrations in the back yard would indicate that Alkali Ike the cow-boy is out there practicing shots at Willie Tenderfoot to make him dance, hoping that some day they may be called into service again. When one reflects, there is a bitterness about it all which—” “Lydia, hasn’t that young man gone yet?” called the Irate Father from the top of the stairs. “It’s past eleven o'clock.” But there being no Lydia to answer, and no Young Man to go, the rest of the characters looked at each other silently and tapped their heads, indicating that the Jrate Father was having another one of his spells. Suddenly there came the sound of tiny feet pattering down the hall-way and across the porch and down the steps tripped a little girl holding onto her mother’s hand. As she swept by with the cruel aloofness of youth, the pensioners heard her ask: “Muver, what did Daddy mean when he said—” The rest was lost in the slamming of the door of the limousine into which the ever-young joke had flung herself. “Where is she going, like that?” asked the tragedian. “They are making up the first February number,” said Dr. Goodbody, “and the editors have sent for her to come over and help them out.” R. Cc. &,

Page 30

LIFE Entertains a Few Friends and Members of the Immediate Family 1—sENATOR WILLIAM E. BORAH of Idaho; 2—MASTER JACKIE COOGAN of Hollywood; 3—SECRETARY OF STATE CHARLES E. HUGHES; 4—VICE-PRESIDENT CALVIN COOLIDGE; 6—THE CHIEF EXECU- TIVE and—5—MR. HARDING; 7—SENATOR HENRY CABOT LODGE of Massachusetts ; 8—eLIHU ROOT, free-lance conference delegate; 9—CHIEF JUSTICE WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT. 10—MAYOR JOHN F. HYLAN of New York; 11—FREDERICK MACMONNIES, the Mayor’s favorite sculptor; 12—RosE O'NEILL, sculptor of the kewpies; 13— WILL ROGERS, vaquero of the Follies; 14—MRS. OLIVER H. P. BELMONT of the National Woman’s Party; 15—jouNn DREW of the Drews; 16—WALTER CAMP of the Daily Dozen; 17—pnouGLaAs FAIRBANKS of the Gruelling Gross; 18—MRS. MINNIE MADDERN FISKE of the American Stage; 19—RING LARDNER of the American Language ; 20—cCHAUNCEY M. DEPEW of the American Dinner- table; 21—aRTHUR BRISBANE of the Evening Journal; 22—sENATOR OSCAR W. UNDERWOOD of Alabama. 23—JAMES BRANCH CABELL; 24—JOHN S. SUMNER; 25—BEN HECHT of the Chicago literary outpost; 26 —WILBUR GLENN VOLIVA, Dowie’s suc- cessor in Zion City; 27—ELINOR GLYN, author of “Three Weeks” ; 28—ANpDREW VOLSTEAD, fiction writer, author of the Eighteenth Amendment; 29—pon MAR- guis, author of the “The Old Soak”; 30—WILLIAM H. ANDERSON, superinten- dent of the Anti-Saloon League; 31— JOSEPH HERGESHEIMER, author of “Cytherea” ; 32—pR. JOHN ROACH STRAT- ON, arch-enemy of Jazz; 33—paAuL WHITEMAN, archduke of Jazz; 34—wt.- LIAM JENNINGS BRYAN of Nebraska; 35 —GERTRUDE STEIN, vers-librist ; 36—kEp- WIN MARKHAM, author of “The Man with the Hoe”; 37—1RVING BERLIN of Alexander’s Ragtime Band: 38—MaAry GARDEN of the Chicago Opera; 39— BABE RUTH of the New York Yankees; 40—ALLA NAzIMovA, the Salomé of the movies; and 41—(though not on a silver charger) the head of JoE CANNON. yy! \\li/ 42—GIULIO GATTI-CASAzzA of the Metropolitan Opera; 43—MorRIs GEST, impresario of the Chauve-Souris; 44— DAVID BELASCO, collector of objets d'art; 45—B. F. PROVANDIE, LIFE’s West- ern scout; 46—HENRY WILLIAM HANE- MANN, LIFE’s interpreter of English into New Yorkese; 47—ROBERT C. BEN- CHLEY, LIFE’S dramatic critic; 48—Ros- ERT E. SHERWOOD, LIFE’S cinematograph- ic expert; 49—EDWARD Ss. MARTIN, LIFE’S’ editorial writer; 50—wmrs. CHARLES DANA GIBSON, Mrs. LIFE; 51— LIFE HIMSELF drinking to everybody’s good health; 52—CHARLES DANA GIBSON of the Gibson Girl; 53—1LouIS EVAN SHIPMAN, LIFE’s editor; 54—FRANK DE- SALES CASEY, LIFE’s art-editor; 55— OLIVER HERSORD, LIFE’s caricature, coup- let and cat adviser; 56—LEROY MILLER, IFe’s business man; 57—CHARLES SYKES, LIFE’S cartoonist; 58—BAIRD LEONARD, LIFE’s Mrs. Peps; 59—THOMAS ALVA EDISON, responsible for the phono- graph. 61—JUDGE KENESAW MOUNTAIN LAN- pis, bashaw of baseball; 62—yoHN D. ROCKEFELLER—gas 28c; 63—CHARLES SPENCER CHAPLIN, a motion picture ac- tor ; 64—J. PIERPONT MORGAN,pawnbrok- er by appointment to the crowned heads MaAM=MA of Europe; 65—pAvID WARK GRIFFITH the Michelangelo of the movies; 66— JACK DEMPSEY, fisticuffer extraordinary - 67—ETHEL BARRYMORE Of the Three Barrymores; 68—WILL HAYS, mahara- jah of the movies; 69—GovERNOR | SMITH of New York; 70—RICHARD LE GALLIENNE; 71—THEODORE of Sher- ry’s, world’s champion maitre d’hétel: 72—OTTO KAHN, the artist’s angel; 73 LUTHER BURBANK, inventor of fruit; 74 —MRS. LESLIE CARTER, the great Zaza; 75 —GEORGE BAKER, the banker ; 76—HENR\ FORD, populator of highways; 77—sIn- CLAIR LEWis of Gopher Prairie; 78— SAMUEL GOMPERS, the laureate of labor: 79—CHARLES SCHWAB of Bethlehem: 80—BOARDMAN ROBINSON of the race of artists; 81—yJUDGE ELBERT H. GARY of the U. S. Steel Corporation ; 82—1GNaci JAN PADEREWSKI, pianoforte virtuoso; 83—WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE of Emporia Kansas; 84—SHERWOOD ANDERSON, au thor of “Tha Triumph of the Egg” ; 85— CLARE KUMMER, author of “A Success ful Calamity”; 86—EUGENE 0’NEILL of the wharves and sand-dunes; 87— MAUDE ADAMS, alias Peter Pan; S8— DR. FRANK CRANE, the people’s philoso pher; 89—wmrs. w. K. VANDERBILT of the Vanderbilts ; 90—wooprRow wILson, historian; 91—1DA M. TARBELL, a wom an’s woman; 92—iRVIN CoBB, humorist and matinée idol; 93—MARY PICKFORD, the permanent movie actress; 94— FKANK CROWNINSHIELD, editor of Van- ity Fair. 95—EDWARD BOK, Americanized editor of The Ladies’ Home Journal ; 96—GEORG! PALMER PUTMAN, the publisher; 97— CONDE NAST, publisher a Vogue, Vanity Fair, etc.; 98—EDITH WHARTON, the novelist; 99—BOOTH TARKINGTON, the other novelist; 100—LEE sHUBERT of the Shuberts ; 101—ceorcE ape, philologist ; 102—JOHN BARRYMORE bursting Booth’s shoes; 103—cCLARENCE MACKAY of the Postal Telegraph; 104—MARGARET ANG- LIN, Euripides’ favorite actress; 105— HENRY BLACKMAN SELL, editor of Har- per’s Bazar; 106—HENRY MILLER from the great divide ; 107—DANIEL FROHMAN of Mr. Frohman’s office; 108—FRANCIS WILSON when knights were bold; 109— AUGUSTUS THOMAS, the sultan of the stage; 110—GEORGE BELLOWS, the ring- side lithographer ; 111—vicToR HERBERT, the composer; 112—FINLEY PETER DUNNE, Mr. Dooley. "UAl Ti Conferold V olstead Inspector: Oh, a doll; pass on. “Not a bad idea, taking the works out of that Mamma doll”

Page 31

Eveready Spotlight with the 300-ft.Range » .“THAT’S RIGHT. MY EVEREADY FLASHLIGHT IS AS NECESSARY AS MY TRAVELING BAG” Wherever you are, wherever you go, an Eveready Flashlight is the one light you can have with you. Always ready to meet every need for light It needs no imagination to picture its countless uses in sight-seeing. It helps avoid mistakes. It prevents accidents. It is the only light you can carry in wind and rain, as steady and clear in a gale as in a calm. Whether you travel by land or sea; whether you are fishing, hunting, sailing, boating, or just motoring near home, it is common prudence to have an Eveready Flashlight. Instant light when SJEREAIN you need it, right where you want it, it is liter- | FLASHLIGHTS ally the light of a thousand uses. Eveready Flashlight Batteries fit and - improve all makesof flashlights; they & BATTERIES An Eveready t costs trom $1.35 to $4.50. One use give a brighter light, they last longer. often repays the cost a thousandfold. FLASHLIGH} —- ti] ai ew (Cu - = A i 4

Page 32

In a London ne Scene—The gallery of the Old Vic. during a performance of King Henry First GALLERYITE: When that cove id, “I saw young ’Arry with his Seconp Ditto: He’d seen the Prince shaved "isself.—_W indsor Magazine. Al Smith says he’s going to put on his George Harveys and do a lot of hard work in Albany, and New York doesn’t know whether he means shell- rimmed goggles, knee pants or cap and bells.—Detroit News. Wall, how ye feelin’, Jed? : Oh, purty good. =: What? Purty good, after me ’ four miles to see ye? now.” —Argus Wheel-Chair Diversions Old Brown had had a terrible morn- ing. He could not walk, and had en- gaged a man to pull him about in an invalid’s chair. Twice they had nearly been crushed under a tramcar, and once what did ’e mean? one morning before ’e'd Ambiguous the invalid-chair man had _ almost dropped his charge into a river. They halted at the top of a very steep hill. At first Brown welcomed the halt. But at last he began to get restless “Why are you stopping here?” he asked, nervously. “Tt’s all right, guv’nor,” the attend- ant replied, unconcernedly. “I’m only waiting for my mate, with another old gent. We're going to ‘ave a race down the ‘ill.”—Tit-Bits. In Extremis Doctor (at bedside): I fancy he is about ready for the Kingdom of Heaven. MINISTERING WIFE: Will you be quiet . and him so good a republican! —Le Journal Amusant (Paris). Effective Approach —Kansas Brown Bull. (Seattle). “Why did you let that book agent _ Hostess (a great collector of pet ani- into my office ? “T’m going to give up cigars.” mals): Major! For the third time, do “W ell, sir, as you saw, he had S enough! I need one right you take sugar? stuff in a golf bag. —Humorist (London). —Louisville Courier-Journal Lire _is oo every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U. S. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.60 a year; to Canada, 80 cents. Back numbers cannot be supplied. The text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Lire, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter 2. C., England. » foreign trade supplied from Lire’s London Office, Rolls H Breams Buildings, Loco News Company, Ltd., 386-388 St. James Street, Montreal, Canada No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by stampe addressed envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the ! non-return of unsolicited contributions. 2 of change of address should veech this office two weeks pri date of issue to be affected. on, E. C. Canadian distributor, The Am TREMONTCOR. BOYLSTON ESTABLISHED 1818 l acm. > Le LOTHIN IN ING« Gentlemens Furnishing NEW YORK Telephone Murray Hill 8800 Clothing for Winter Sport in the North or South Ulsters, Tweed Suits, Fur-lined Garments Wool Sweaters, Mufflers, Gloves, Stockings Flannel, Silk or Light-weight Homespuns Summer Haberdashery Hats & Shoes For the Traveller: Complete Outfits Ready made or to Order Steamer Rugs and Holdalls Special Light-weight Trunks Collapsible soiled linen bags Dressing Cases with only the necessary fittings Send for “The Packing of your Luggage” BOSTON ons, MADISON AVENUE COR. FORTY-FOURTH STREET NEWPORT 220 BELLEVUE AVENUE BROOKS BROTHERS Building, convenient to Grand Central, Subway and to many of the leading Hotels and Clubs

Page 33

SSS CSO A = = FHS IS LINCGEN PURPOSE : It has been the candid purpose of this organiz- ation to make the Lincoln the best motor car it is possible to build. Energies and resources have been applied, un- sparingly, to the creation of a mechanical master- piece, such as could only be possible’ to the wealth of creative influences employed in the perfecting of this magnificent car. We have not spared, nor will we at any time limit or stint, in any way, or in any thing, which will further that purpose. This is a settled conclusion which merits re- spect because there is behind it the very certain and definite conviction throughout this Ford organization, that all the strength of our man- power, all the talent, experience and material things we command, are to contribute whatever may be needful to make the Lincoln, in actuality, the finest motor car in the world. a) = ie ( * ; . ae ht OU eh! ! Aes ON EXHIBITION AT THE NATIONAL SHOWS

Page 34

PHARMacAL COMPANY $7. Lous.o.u 5.4 j Stop sore throat before it starts ORE throat often leads to more serious ills. You know that. Better be on the safe side during these influenza days and don’t let it get even a slight start on you. There’s an easy, pleasant way. Simply use Listerine systemati- cally as a gargle and mouth-wash. Several times a day is a wise pre- caution. It will put you on the safe side. Besides, then, you'll be sure your breath is right—sweet, clean. Halitosis (unpleasant breath) fresh and can’t embarrass you when you use Listerine regularly. LAMBERT PHARMACTIAL ° SAINT LOUIS, U. S. A. COMPANY LIFE UR FOOLISH CONTEMPO ARIES A Tactful Answer A certain woman is blessed to an unusual degree with both discrimination and tact. The first of these admirable qualities she has displayed by her two marriages. Her first husband was a minister, a most delightful man. He died, and after a lapse of some years, she married his only brother, a success- ful lawyer. Now on her library desk stands a picture of the first partner of her joys and sorrows, and one day a curious caller asked who it was. “That,” said the hostess, with evident emotion, “is a picture of my husband's brother, who died some years ago, and who was very dear to us both!” —Harper’s. Too Many Customers He was one of the youngest recruits who ever graced the Army and his voice was in the process of changing. Into the company barber shop he drifted and, in tones that were at one moment a promising bass and at the next a feeble treble, demanded a hair- cut. “Hey!” ejaculated the bewildered barber, looking confusedly about him. “One at a time, please, one at a time!” —American Legion Weekly. Ina Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE Free Speech “You tell me I can’t have wine? I tell you to go to hell,” Tony Reniole told the judge. “One hundred dollar said the judge. “IT tell you to go to hell two times.” “Two hundred dollars.” “And ‘I tell you to go to hell three times.” “Three hundred dollars.” “What I care? I no got three hundred dollars.”"—Argus (Seattle). Local Improvements Mrs. SoctaAt CLIMBER: We're going to live in a better neighborhood after this. Mrs. SHARP TONGUE: So are we. Mrs. Socrat C LIMBER: What, are you going to move, too? Mrs. SHARP ToncuE: No, we are going to stay right here. —Carolina Boll Weevil The Fledgling MortHeER: Little Georgie is very slow about walking. FATHER: Don’t worry about that. Twenty years from now he’ll probably make a hundred and fifty miles an hour.—L’/llustration (Paris). A LitTerAry TRIANGLE: Haggard’s “She” McAndrew’s “Hymn” Wallace’s “Hur” —Bosto:: Transcript. “Tus is the most unkindest cut of all,” said the engraver as he made a half-tone of his mother-in-law. —Washington Sun-Dodger. | t k . ast smokes best : Dire Wherein our correspondent And | takes a long shot at st Zanesville, O. When we printed a letter from a sm ‘keri \ pe who professed a preference for the earl And morning smoke, apparently we starteil something. Almost the next mail |rougly I say along a batch of letters, amony whic La the following is a fair sample: ; Dear Sirs: Che Will you allow me to take issue with your A. K. K. from Zanesville, who insists it thee To best pipe of the day is the one smoked rivht afte: breakfast? Dow Of course, I have no intimate kn ze off > local conditions down in Southern Ohio, but wl As B here the majority of us regular pip« okers have a decided leaning towards the last pipe o the evening. Here Take a night when you are sitting front. +5 «4 of the fire after the neighbors are go. You While wife suggests it is bedtime, and while admin il it is, you have a craving for one last s1 Shee And goes on upstairs and* you promise to folloy directly. But instead you take out your pipe ap S light up. You smoke slowly and ; efull - calling out at intervals that you'll be there in OI minute. Only you don’t go until the last ash has died in the bowl of your pipe. = That’s my idea of the best smoke of the da one Yes, sir, for every smoker A. K. K 1 prom For s duce who likes his after-breakfast pip: st, | guarantee to name a dozen men who prefer thggShe t last smoke of the evening. And most us ar Edgeworth smokers, too. But | Yours very sincerely, (Signed) T. S. Flint, New York Cit Turne Yes, as we suggested above, when wa gave space to an expression of opinioggf Artist about which is tii. 4 best pipe of the day we started something t But we are glad @ Ay open our columns t friendly discussion about pipes and smok ing in general. So if you have an particular n ry tions, fads which fancies, sen qumatr them along. . ai And iif yom 2°’ aren't an Edg worth smoker, sure to tell 1 about it. For want to send free samples, g¢ erous he!pin both of Edgeworth Plug Slice and R Rubbed. Edgeworth is sold in various sizes suit the needs and means of all purchase Both Edgeworth Plug Slice and Edgew Ready- Rubbed are packed in small, pockt size packages, in handsome tin hu: mide and also in various handy in-between sit For the free samples address Larus Brother Company, 63 South 21st Stre Richmond, Va. If you will also add# name of the dealer to whom you will if you should like Edgeworth, we wo appreciate that courtesy on your part. To Retail Tobacco Merchants: Ii jobber cannot supply you with Edgewe Larus & Brother Company will gladly you prepaid by parcel post a one-or dozen carton of any size of Edgeworth Slice or Ready-Rubbed for the same you would pay the jobber. a

Page 35

been three different times from ht a Samovar for tea it. a la Russe to me. try Her Grace to please rchoosky” when I sneeze; for me is drearier. . ballet, then away 1 to eat stuff in decay iks around us play; umed cigarettes are smoked ernments are rything but I'm growing wearier. to send acro kolinsky, wol if nothing else at table an, Russian—my poor Ma- iitor for a lot terroristic bunk, von't cease, bel it, “SIBERIER.” Capital ER: Now tell us, Johnnie, the least-used bone in the ody ? NIE (promptly): The head! Russian It Moscow ) ars with ease, ilress she wez me to a cabaret “Chauve- lightly joked hands are ss a cable f and sable; of junk, I'll pack her S Bt. TIFFANY & GO. PEARLS JEWELRY SILVERWARE WATCHES CLOCKS INSEPARABLY ASSOCIATED WITH (JUALITY PURCHASES MAY BE MADE BY MAIL FIFTH AVENUE & 37" STREET NEW YORK i th HI sto Dire ry ™ t And | | ‘ noker \ pr early And farted | av mught which La She ; y . t th s| Oo alte Dowt As B Here » | fron, \ While adm Shell And fc low pe anc efully - e ing =O! ash has) She \ e day one n prommor si 7 fer thi She t But R b k Cit Turne en we ypinioggy Artist is th If } tt An r ne TEA ds which = humar g. ‘i Jou Edggaqj —— Ker, 1 ell 1 ] For d es, ge | pin Rea izes chasel WHITING-ADAMS BRUSHES Demanded by Master Workmen. Advertised by All Usors as the Best. Methods of Construction Render SHE lf ew Fo \ure Impossible. > pos Send for Hlustrated Literature 1m JON L. WHITING-J. J. ADAMS CO., Boston, U.S. A. If 11 Sie Bosh Manufacturers for Over 113 Years and the If sarus Largest in the World If St TT OT li will _ self. May painted barn): Jones put most of the paint on him- Day: He Eben Gray to put what was left on the barn. loves you she flirts with you. she pursues you. How a Man Can Tell If a Woman Loves Him Compiled by a Bachelor After a Lifetime of Observation she appears indifferent to you. f she spurns you. f she says she doesn’t. f she says she does. f she says nothing at all. (looking at Jones’ did. I understand Then he newly that hired

Page 36

Front View farner S WRAP-AROUND Invisible Corseting, Obtained Only by the Wrap-around Back View Trade Mark IT produces flat, smooth backs, close- fitting thighs, and assures success for the new type of closely draped gowns. No lacing annoyances and no in- correct fittings. The Wrap-around Invisible Corset is produced by closing the back of the corset and inserting firm sections of surgical rubber, which will ex- pand to the requirements of fitting and will contract closely to the figure when adjusted. The Wrap-around Invisible Corset is made in all sizes and in all types, from the slender figure to the heavy, full figures. Price of style shown is $4.00. Other models $1.50 up. THE WARNER BROTHERS COMPANY New York Chicago San Francisco An Easy Way to Remove Dandruff If you want plenty of thick, beautiful, glossy, silky hair, do by all means get rid of dandruff, for it will starve your hair and ruin it if you don’t. The best way to get rid of dandruff is to dissolve it. To do this, just apply a little Liquid Arvon at night before retiring; use enough to moisten the scalp, and rub it in gently with the finger tips. By morning, most, if not all, of your dandruff will be gone, and three or four more applications should completely re- move every sign and trace of it. You will find, too, that all itching of the scalp will stop, and your hair will look and feel a hundred times better. You can get Liquid Arvon at any drug store. A four- ounce bottle is usually all that is needed. The R. L. Watkins Co.. Cleveland, Ohie. the a LIFE Who’s Who in LIFE oe Franklin P. Adams . A., Anastasius C. M. Azoy Charlotte Becker Robert C. Benchley Morris Bishop Berton Braley George S. Chappell Mabel Haughton Collyer Marc Connelly George K. Denny Weed Dickinson Caroline Duer Arthur H. Folwell Corey H. Ford James L. Ford Montague Glass Arthur Guiterman LaTouche Hancock Henry W. Hanemann Jennie Betts Hartswick Hildegarde Hawthorne A. P. Herbert Beatrice Herford Oliver Herford Don Herold McCready Huston Wallace Irwin C. Perry Ivins Ruth L. Jones George S. Kaufman Stoddard King Edmund J. Kiefer Rollin Kirby Richard LeGallienne Baird Leonard Tracy Hammond Lewis Newman Levy Mabel Cleland Ludlum Lawton Mackall James K. McGuinness Leo A. Marsh Edward S. Martin Thomas L. Masson Neal O’Hara Dorothy Parker Barrie Payne Gardner O. Rea Agnes Repplier Ted Robinson Nate Salisbury (Baron Ireland) Clinton Scollard Charles G. Shaw Robert E. Sherwood Mark Swan C. K. Van Riper Edward S. Van Zile Foster Ware Carolyn Wells William W. Whitelock = Bo hy SPO h by “ta AA . BATONS So oP rs y Aa teayn 7 - TARA ROR SO bom Re me SS a G.F Ke S.. =. a ae KX. ma n. £8. Rane r. ao Su Flaccus | a ee L. M., 1m. . A. M., S. M., L. M.., . OH., — THARANN BN AVSSANRH C.W.. W.W.W., He Missed a Lot! West: Jenkins has had a disap- pointing life. Nortu: Why so? “He prayed not to be led into temptation and his prayer was ; | granted.” SOFT TIRES | are hard on the pockethook, Runaing on under inflated tires not only wears out the tires long before their time, uses up a lot of gasoline needlessly. You can s fifty per cent on your tire bill and 25 per « on your gasoline bill by testing your tire inila- tion regularly with TWITCHELL AIR GAUGE Price$1.25 The Twitchell Gauge 1516 So. Wabash Ave., Chic Saves lires | inehurst NORTH CAROLINA § Winter Homes For Sale and for Rent A. S. NEWCOMB & COMPANY Taught By Improved Methods Many art school adverti ts tell about | the great and ever increasing demand commercial artists—big pay—equal opportun- ity for both men and women, etc. Very good! This is all quite true, but you must first be properly taught. Understand? Properly taught! Few top notch artists are good in- structors. Very few. By searching through many studios we have found them. A Master Course Is Offered Endorsed as the official training schoo! for leading Commercial Art houses, employing hundreds of artists. Correct educational meth- ods applied. A practical educator and a corps oftop notch commercial artists, offer students the benefit of 20 to 30 years of high grade ex perience. Only the best instruction is good enough for you. Students finishing half of this unusual course can secure and hold desirable positions. Course can be made to pay for it self many times while studying. Either clas A Credits. If ay 4 \ you like to draw, let's ta ver. Commercia! Art oe ee oe eocmaition ft preasnts AS WE TEACH postage. and the rm, 6 cents in stamps for NATIONAL ACADEMY ‘SS OF COMMERCIAL ART 230 EAST OHIO ST DEPT. 4 Met iler-Uel’ iLL

Page 37

(co / Wt ELLOW) i NsDEVON-ENCLAND / Jf 422 PARRACOMBE HILL* “Oh, Larry, do you think we can get down this wet hill without a smash?” “Of course we can, dear; I’ve put her in second, and with Kelly Cords under us we can’t slip.” _—— is no more sickening sensation than to feel your car sliding after you have applied the brakes. The driver who rides on Kelly-Springfield Kant-Slip Cord tires does so with the comfortable assurance that he * Drawing by Laurence Fellows, Devonshire, England can depend not only upon their mileage but upon their surefootedness. It costs no more to buy a Kelly. -._._..,

Page 38

distinction. GBranch De Luxe 677 ~Fifth Avenue Between 53rd and 54th Streets IN our new models for Sports, Southern and Evening wear, you will find smartness and in- formality charmingly combined. Whatever your costume, Cam- meyer footwear adds to its All white kid; Black Suede, trimmed with Pat- ent Leather; Nut Brown Suede, trimmed with Brown Calfskin. CAMMEYER An illustrated Brochure wi be sent upon request. New York's Most Beautiful Shoe Shop Voter (to canvasser): Are you for the working man? Canvasser (cautiously): I—I’m cer- tainly not against him. Well, I am. Me ‘usband’s one of ’em. —Reproduced from Punch (London) by arrangement with the proprietors. Voter: Sure Relief FOR INDIGESTION 6 BELL-ANS Hot water Sure Relief 25¢ ano 75¢ PACKAGES EVERYWHERE The Staff of Lire (Continued from page 7) select and set the pace; but the honor of carrying Lire’s standard for- ward eagerly, buoyantly belongs to the small army of contributors, who from ,North, East, South and West, fill our columns, write our jests, and draw our pictures week by week. Many of them have questioned the editorial policy of using only initials as a signature; but all have loyally acquiesced to something which is not so much for the greater, and more selfish glory of LiFe, as it is a pro- test against the blatant publicity of the day, which seeks to promote the negligible into something notable. Once a month hereafter, the pleasing enigma of initials will be solved in a “Who’s Who in LiFe”, when meagre letters will blossom forth into full names: an honor roll. Louis Evan Shipman The Fundamental Famous Economist (after lec- ture to gathering of housewtves): And now, if there are any questions you ladies may have, dealing with the economics of the household, I shall be glad to answer them to the best of my ability. Timp Brive (hesitatingly). You see, I have not been married long and my husband and I do not seem able to save. But don’t you think we could make a good start if he should buy his cigarettes in .one of the shops that gives coupons? THE SILENT DRAMA Recent Developments East Is West. First National—A fairly amusing comedy of life in the chop suey belt, with Constance Talk madge chewing gum and winking vigor- ously. . The Toll of the Sea. story of “Madame Butterfly,” with Chinese characters, photographed ig color that actually looks real. Outcast. Paramount. — A rather weak drama, enlivened by the strenuous work of Elsie Ferguson. Hungry Hearts. Goldwyn. — The tribulations of Jewish immigrants, be- fore and after their arrival in this glorious Land of the Free. They found that there was but one Czar in Russia, whereas there are millions of them over here. Lorna Doone. First Nationa!_—A swashbuckling melodrama of the days when brigands roamed the moor and spread terror in the hearts of the siurdy country folk. It goes along splendidly for about four reels, and then wilts. Thirty Days. Paramount. — \Val- lace Reid as a sympathetic young man who becomes involved with a gang of Italian stilettists. There are moments of excellent farce. Tess of the Storm Country. United Artists—Mary Pickford in one oi the roles that made her famous. It doesn't help her reputation vefy much now. Anna Ascends. Paramount. -- A typical success story about a little J Syrian girl swho climbs through the American social system, and reaches the top—by reason of her literary abili- ty and a_ well-directed knife-thrust. Alice Brady is excellent as the ascend- ing heroine. One Exciting Night. United Art. ists —This Griffith melodrama is aimed at the spine rather than the intellect. Its chilling effect can not be denied. Robin Hood. United Artists—-We have said a great deal about this mar- vellous picture but, in all fairness to our readers, we haven't said half enough. Metro.—The It WAS Hell! and we're all glad it’s over. But you and Buddy, both feel mighty good to know th we did our part when we were neede: it’s going to be a lot of pleasure to us whi our kids get to the history class in scho and can say, “My dad helped lick ’em You can show them how their dad looked by having a “spirit of the American Dough- boy” statuette or lamp, the only representation of the American soldier there is showing him as he really was in action. An _ exact reproduction of the famous life size bronze statue of the same name made only by us. Your name on a _ post- card will bring FREE and without obligationa beautiful gold embossed book telling the wonder- ful story of this attractive statue and lamp that ev- ery true ex-soldier wants. AMERICAN DOUGHBOY Dept. 32 Atlanta, Ga.

Page 39

In the West Indies and South America i} Panama, Venezuela, Nassau, Bermuda /: e Canadian Pacific has once more pleasure in offering elightful cruises by the superb “EMPRESS OF BRITAIN” & liner of 22.000 tons displacement. Oil-Burning, Dustless and Immaculate. From New York Jan. 20th and Feb. 20th » the blue waters and balmy skies of the Spanish Main, Cuba), Port Antonio and Kingston (Jamaica), a), La Guayra (Venezuela), Port of Spain int (Trinidad), Bridgetown (Bar bados), and St. Pierre (Moertinique), San Juan assau (Bahamas), Hamilton (Bermuda). This Floating Palace luxurious suites, cabins with baths, cabins 1 toilet, electric fans in every room, spacious . “4 swimming pool, verandah cafes, choice or- tra Everything Canadian Pacific Standard *h Cruise 27 days—Fares very moderate, from / $250.00 upwards. No Passports required } r ratesand full information apply to local agents or } CANADIAN PACIFIC New York, Madison Ave. at 44th a pot Chicago, 40 No. De henge Stre Boston, 405 “Pe »yiston Street Montreal, 141 St. James Street AS re) B ercmicl Good Ip fh appreciation of the Hollenden, its services, its character, courtesy and conven- ience, commences with the first time you register as a guest. The charm of its parlors and lounges, the excellence of its rooms and accommodations, the dignity and refinement of its restaurants, the quality and variety of food and the real men and women you meet—all make pleasant living in one of the most pleasing cities of America. mS ITS THE == Pex | # OLLENDEN We a

Page 40

Unlock the best thatS in you Life is quicker, more exuberant, more healthful in Tucson, Arizona, Warm sunshine, ciear skies, dry, invigorating air unlock new energy and vitality. No snow, ice, or cold chains up the best that’s in you.

Flowers are Blooming Zinnias, chrysanthemums, and roses are blooming now. Pink-cheeked children play out of doors, Golf, hunting, motoring, horseback-riding, hixing are every- day sports in Tucson. A golden procession of sunny days, with little rain, no fog or wind, make just living /uxurious, The mean monthly temperature from Octo- ber to May never exceeds 72°, nor falls below 49°. ' Good Hotels—Reasonable Rents A modest income commands every pleasure and comfort in Tucson. Furnished cottages rent from $40 and up per month, Town and country clubs are open to visitors. Twenty-five thousand hospitable citizens invite you to enjoy the sunshine-climate. Reduced Fares Reduced fares (main line Pullman service) are ef- fective via Rock Island, El Paso and Southwestern or Southern Pacific. Tucson—and sunshine—are only 53 hours from Chicago, 73 from New York. Illustrated Booklet —free “Man-Building in the Sunshine-Climate” contains a story If you want to rest or play, build up of surpassing interest. physically, or vanquish pulmonary troubles, send for it New, Just mail the coupon. TUCSON Sunshine~Climate Club ARIZONA

TUCSON SUNSHINE-CLIMATE CLUB 164 Old Pueblo Building, Tucson, Arizona. Please send me your free booklet, “Man-Building in the Sunshine-Climate.”” Name Address — aoe

An Old Year Prayer O glad New Year, take not these things from me— The olden faiths ; Of Friends that long and search- ing years have proved— the shining loyalty The glowing hearthfires, and the books I loved; All wonted kindnesses and welcom- ing— safe, hard-trodden paths, to which I cling! O young New Year, fresh with the thrill of spring— Leave me the ways that were my comforting ! All L. S.

* LIFE - Township Ahoy! ONE are the days when the stranger motorist was grumped at by the townlets he traversed. The posted warning from the Selectmen that once baldly threatened him is now, if it survives at all, but a pret- ty inscription in quaint lettering on a pleasant tavern-like signboard of cheer. The suggestion about moder- ating one’s speed is just a_ well- groomed Old English hint. Even the “Slow Down” notice heralding a school is really an invitation to pause and view the new educational build- ing in its landscape-gardened set- ting. Such hospitality! “Welcome to Quagmere, the Suburb Beautiful.” “This is Sparrowhurst, the Town of Nestling Homes.” “Gumfret Bids You Greeting.” And all in the most refined letters of introduction. Even before one really arrives, the hand of fellowship wields its paint brush.. “You are now approaching Duston, birthplace of Samuel T. Pretzel, inventor of Holeproof Ma- caroni.” History is unfolded by yards and yards. “Here in East Blueberry in 1687 William Longface signed the treaty with Chief Whif- fling Bull, granting the Whoopaloo Indians the right to move on.” But the spirit of the precious past is brought yet more pronouncedly into the present by the indefatigable Ye Oldes—Ye Olde Crumble Inne, Ye Olde Gifte Shoppe, Ye Olde Tea Roome, Ye Olde Bun Parlor. To say that the innocent motorist is wel- comed by them is to put it blandly. He is fairly gobbled. To a person of a different nature this extreme cordiality is discon- certing. He hardly knows how to reciprocate. And even a car has its sensibilities. Fancy a_ Rolls- Royce, wiih that polished repression which characterizes all Britishers, beset by such importunate affability. Enough to make its radiator boil over ! On behalf of both car and master it would be salutary, when visiting strange townships, to carry a tail pennant with a suitable P. P. C. de- vice; so that in departing one might respond to the “You Are Now Leav- ing Wunkchussett” sign by fling- ing back: “Thanks. We are deeply affected.” L. M. First Waitress: That swell new customer who favors your locality is certainly built on generous lines, Maud. Seconp Waltress: And there his generosity ceases. right

& PAT Orr Time to Re-tire? FISK

Deaf Can Hear Says Science New Invention Aids Th. wsands

Here’s good news for all who suffer from deafness. The Dictograph Products Corpora- tion announces the perfection of a remarkable device which has enabled thousands of eo

Page 41

What’s the matter? Blind at your age?” my hat’s too large for me, so ss bought me a dog to lead me around.” —Le Rire (Paris). The One Hundred and One Per Cent. American H E drinks “Scotch” whisky that as made in the back room of a drug store in Newark, New Jer- sey He wears suits of the finest “Eng- lish’ worsteds, raised in the fields of South Carolina and woven in the ; of Lowell, Massachusetts. : smokes genuine “Havana” ci- that were manufactured in tucket, Rhode Island, of tobacco n in Connecticut. e is familiar with all the classics ‘uropean literature because they been vividly interpreted by a nuity writer in Hollywood, fornia. e eats “French” pastry that was ired in the basement of a Jewish atessen in Long Island City. lle smokes a certain brand of ' York-made cigarettes because are said to cost a shilling in lon. le sits in “Chippendale” chairs noted specialist. Tells how to FEED AND TRAIN d KEEP HIM HEALTHY Ness, cure scratching, ma: dis- tcmper. Gives twenty-five famous Q-W DoG REMEDIES an? 150 illustrations of leads, training collars, harness, stripping combs, dog de. Mailed free. Q-W 5 Hoend Bank, New Srey Dept. 19 Bound Brook, New Laboratory tests have conclusively proved that For- mamint actually kills throat germs — thus prevent- ing infection Ifyou could see the germs in your throat wea the naked eye cannot see, the micro- scope reveals—literally millions of germs even in a healthy throat. You need not feel alarmed because of this. But you should realize the hidden danger of infection which may become real, the moment weakness or exposure breaks down the re- sistance of the body. Be prepared and use For- mamint, the germckilling throat tablet, which acts as the 4—= guardian of your health by destroying the germs of infection that ever seek — to invade your system by way of the throat. Littletablets,scientifically com- pounded, which pleasantly dis- solve in the mouth, release a powerful, yet harmless, germicide that penetrates with the saliva into every fold, nook and crevice of the throat, checking germ growth, killing germ life with never-failing thoroughness. If you have a weak or irritated throat, Formamint will soothe and relieve it. Whenever there is danger of infection, Forma- mint will help protect you. And remember— thousands of physi- cians in Europe and America recognize the principle of Formamint as scientific and thoroughly effective, and have so stated in letters and text books. Write today for trial tube To acquaint you with Formamint we will send a trial tube on receipt of 4c mm stamps, to defray the cost of mailing. Address The Bauer Chemical Co., 118 W. 28th St., New York, N. Y. GERM-KILLING THROAT TABLETS Formamint is our Trademark—It identifies our product that were constructed in Grand Ra- pids, Michigan. He sports a gray felt hat from Danbury, Connecticut, because he once saw a similar model in a photo- graph of the Prince of Wales in the rotogravure section. He sings a popular song entitled, “Kiss Me Like My Daddy Does,” published in New York, but written originally in 1738 by Johann Sebas- tian Bach. He hates everything that may be classed as “foreign.” He believes in isolation. He voted for a high protective tariff. R. E. S. Propaganda! ScHEMER: As I see it, there is only one way by which we may hope to secure a repeal of the Volstead law. TurrstLy: What's that? “Make the women massaging their faces with bes light wines will be good for the complexion.” Stop, Look and Listen Wits: There goes Bump, the man who made a million out of an idea. Gittis: So? What was the idea? “That he didn’t know it all.” that Tr ana believe

Page 42

Watch your gums — | bleeding a sign of trouble EDICAL oienee knows how onlows is sign oO gums. For it that tender and Gnadieneens are the + ante ners of Pyorrhea, that dread disease which afflicts four out of five people over forty. Be | If the disease is unchecked, the gum- — line recedes, the teeth ey loosen and = fall out, or must be extracted to rid Saga the system of the Pyorrhea poisons generated at their base — poisons which seep into the system and wreck the —" Tapers rheu- Matism, nervous disor: , anaemia, and many other ills. To avoid Pyorrhea, visit your dentist often for teeth and inspection, and use Forhan’s Fee the Gums. Forhan’s For the Gums will prevent Pyorrhea—or check its progress—if used in time and used consistently. Ordinary den- tifrices cannot do this. Forhan’s keeps the s firm and healthy —the teeth white and clean. | Start using it today. If gum- ’ shrinkage already set in, use Forhan’s according to tions and consult your dentist immediately for spe- cial treatment. 35c and 60c, in the United States and Canada. ” gS Formula of R. J. Forhan, D. D. 8. FORHAN Co, New York Forhan's, Lid. Montreai LIFE - would I have such an opportunity. I must make the most of it. I must get Witherby in a crowd. “Witherby,” I would then begin casually, “have you ever met Lady Lumme ?” “No,” Witherby would say unsus- piciously, “who’s Lady Lumme?” Then—THEN— “My dear fellow,” I would reply, “don’t tell me you’ve never heard of Lor’ Lumme! Lor’ Lumme!” And that would be the end of Witherby. Poor chap, after all— with his ideas of creative integrity. But when I saw him at the club, I was merciless. I waited till the gang were within earshot, then I pounced. “Witherby,” I began casually, “have you ever met Lady Lumme?” “Never, old man,” retorted With- erby, “but I know her husband— Lor’ Lumme!” And as I tottered: “Hey, fellows,” he whooped, “did you hear the dandy I just got off? Enderby here asked me if « Poor Witherby’s widow: the in- surance company called it a plain case of suicide. ’ G. R. Why Not? Orrice Boy: I want a little time off to get a hair cut. Boss: What! Get your hair cut in Company time? “Sure; it grew in Company time.” Love is flighty. When Poverty comes in at the door, Experience locks the windows. My Joke Be always envied those inspired devils who can say “now for a joke,” and then sit right down and think up a howler. I’ve always en- vied Witherby. Witherby is fuller of cracks than the Liberty Bell. But don’t ask him to give you one. I did. “Enderby,” chided Witherby, “misappropriation of creative credit is the most heinous crime conceiv- able. For your own sake, I must refuse.” And I was so darned mad I went right home and read every oath in the Then suddenly— right out of the dictionary—sprang the incredible: the subtle, glorious wheeze of a ! And in my dictionary. century : rapture I knew Witherby to be right. If any man ever tried to take my joke from me... All that night I lay awake, rolling my miracle over and over- on my tongue: savoring it—smoothing its edges—preparing it for Witherby’s annihilation. Never again, I knew, Summer Hotel Preston, “4 S ee ww, Be G \} \. as ts SS ~ MADISON AVE., 43rd TO 44th STREETS NEW YORK Tea in the Palm Room ‘Dancing in the Supper Room ~ HAMILTON HOTEL BERMUDA Open January 8.—3 Golf Courses Fireproof—400 Rooms—250 baths; The Hotel de Luxe of Bermuda Management of J. A. Sherrard N. Y. Office, Spur Travel Bureau, 425 Sth Avenue. " Booklet. each Bluff, Mass. | Cables—‘‘Hotel Bermuda Aspirin Say “Bayer” and Insist] | Unless you see the name “Bayer” on | package or on tablets you are not get- |ting the genuine Bayer product prescribed ; by physicians over twenty-two years and proved safe by millions for Colds Headache Toothache Lumbago Earache Rheumatisn Neuralgia Pain, Pain Accept “Bayer Tablets of Aspirin” only. Each unbroken package contains [J proper directions. Handy boxes of @ twelve tablets cost few cents. Drugzists also sell bottles of 24 and 100. Aspirin is the trademark of Bayer Manufacture of Monoaceticacidester of Salicylicacid. The Dying Year (She: First Traveler) OMRADE mine, with a plaintive sighing, Mark ye not that the year is dying? Comrade mine, amid swirling snow- ing, See ye not that the year is going? Mark ye not that the year is dying With wail of wave and the sad winds crying? See ye not that the year is going With the sand in the hour-glass swi t down-flowing ? (He: Second Traveler) Yea, I know that the year is dying; But what of the one that is hither hying ? Yea, I know that the year is going; But what of the one like a bud out blowing? What of the one that is hither hy sng? ing! “Hope!” says a jubilant voice reply ing. What of the one like a bud out-blow- ing? “A flower of Joy in Life’s garden growing !” eo

Page 43

No 2—Julius Caesar Julius Caesar Makes Good ULIUS CAESAR had his faults; but he cer- tainly was no coward. Profli- gate that he was, he feared no living man or set of men. On one of his Syrian war jour- neys, it is told, he was cap- tured by Egyptian pirates who coolly informed him he would remain their prisoner until his friends produced a million dollars. “A million dollars!” he exclaimed, “why, I owe personally more than that. Let me go or I’ll come back some fine day and crucify the whole bunch.” But the pirates held him, never- theless, until Rome notified them that the million was ready for Caesar’s return. But once back at his marble desk, the General refused to ship the money. “Hold it until I die, and then pay my debts. I’ll co back and fix up this other thing.” So he went once more to Syria, as he had prom- ised, crucified the necessary pirates, and ’ SS ‘& . t fell in love with Cleopatra. The ransom fund was kept for his creditors after death. Nowadays one does not have to argue with pirates to accumulate a stated sum as a guarantee for creditors. He can get an in- surance company, for a stipend a year, to make this guarantee for him. Many busi- ness men find life insurance a very great convenience in matters of this sort. The Prudential Insurance Company of America EDWARD D. DUFFIELD President IF EVERY WIFE KNEW WHAT EVERY WIDOW KNOWS—EVERY HUSBAND WOULD BE INSURED HOME OFFICE: NEWARK New Jersey

Page 44

| eee oo TTT OO CA av 0A eeaeeanecentetaceetenee ene ceeuuueeeenetqeneeeneeaoyeenesaeernievesvenayeevevauistinveeeeenneananeeceecievaveseeaeng ae reareyeeuaeeeceeouvenueeneteceven anneavveervacncoveenecevoniotttreeerrHemeNMARRORTROM MARMON “The “Foremost (fine Car~ “+ THE supreme enjoyment of mo- toring is to sit at the wheel of a Marmon—a gentle turn guides it. Many women who have pre- viously found motoring very fatiguing, have changed to Mar- mons and drive them without the slightest exertion. And there is the assurance that this finest form of transportation costs less per mile, + Norpyke & Marmon Company . Established 1851 INDIANAPOLIS PEPIEITITITITITIITET TT Ti VVUSESVED PDBULOSBISADEOANEDOOLSEUBRAUNOAURDDADE DEOL DBAEDADU BEL VAAUAANOUAT DVOAAAAOOBOOA:I#UHT\SHAANGNGAOGOODUDOAERINALANNIAUADA LAUERDUNETTONEEUIGNARDUDUEREDIDVEIORLTERLUERDLUNEODLORUELADAISDCLELDULDATASETLARTELI/UPREDDRLUDTCALOGOUUDORODODUDEDEDFREDEERREA/ (AEDEEOEA EERDELTEUASRUEELULEELELEDUDPROLEUED UL LLEDILTEULLLUIE Hf E : | E = : i | TUTE MINIM I NNI®# AL ASe BAIN a> A@i-a WNins