Life 1921-09-22: Vol 78 Iss 2029

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WALL STRE ET NUMBER Copyright, 1921, Life Publishing Company fPTEMBER 22, 1921 i all PRICE 15 CENTS Stand and deliver!”

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Lire: Published Weekly by Life Publishing Entered as Second Class Matter June 8, 1883 at the Post Office at New York, CHARLES DANA Gipson, Presiden; Company at 598 Madison Avenue, New York, N. Y. N. Y., under the act of March 3d, 1879. Greorce B. RICHARDSON, Vice-Preste Annual Subscription, Five Dollars Entered as Second Class Matter at the Post Office Department, Canada. Le Roy MILLER, Treas. Grorce D'Ur dent Vol. 78, No. 2029. September 22, 1921. Copyright in England and the British Possessions. B. F. PRovanbig, Western Mag; 7 ; ASSY, Se nager

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The Pot of Gold George S. Chappell i days gone by, I call to mind, ‘Twas thus, all innocently, I An ancient tale my elders told Absorbed a devastating creed, Of how, with patience, one might find, Which snatched a glory from the sky At the rainbow’s end, a pot of gold— And put a premium on greed. Which I, in childhood’s greedy way, The promise of a rainbow meant Resolved to make my own some day. To me not less than ten per cent. At night when I was tucked in bed The moral of the tale is plain; It seemed to me I ran and ran, The fair financial dreams of men Beneath a rainbow overhead, Are merely blends of sun and rain Until I’d crossed its shining span That gleam and fade away again, And, counting pennies, fell asleep; And end up in some far-off spot, I had no use for counting sheep. As in the story,—gone to pot. — SS SP. sf fis / 3 5 re eo Tl in ad 1b 1 EE — =>» See i vi { iii: (a ) . ye if ~~ MS — ae Vor '* Wee Nis Nj Sy lew SWS a. oS ‘ > ~ awn x af ~~ * SRS ow ‘Re ~ SS oy oN 7 ~ —— nd = 7 g ~ ‘4 - “Mister, I'm de strongest boy in de bunch. If ye don’t believe it, hold me coat an’ I'll show ye.”

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LIF, The First Things About Investments Written Especially for People Who Don’t Know the First Thing About Investments MONTAGUE GLASS ANY people invest their money in Wall Street without knowing the first thirig about securities. Securities are of five kinds, viz: High Grade In- vestments, Gilt Edged Propositions, Widows’ Securities, Securities That Are Perfectly All Right and Good Investments. Accidents can happen, of course, to any type of security, but in the case of High Grade Investments there seems to be no possi- bility of it. That is to say, no one, no matter how expert in such matters, can foresee that a High Grade Investment is going to go flooey. This is what makes it a High Grade Investment. Gilt Edged Propositions, the next best grade of invest- ment securities, are of such a high character that only one or two people on the inside—at the very most—have any idea that these securities are not of the safest variety. In the case of a great many Gilt Edged Securities sometimes only one man, a banker of wide experience and of the most impeccable character, has the slightest notion of what dif- ferentiates such Gilt Edged Propositions from the class of securities known as High Grade Investments. Broadly speaking, therefore, what does differentiate High Grade In- vestments from Gilt Edged Propositions, is that when or rather if they both go flooey, as to the former everybody is surprised and as to the latter everybody is surprised except one or two bankers. Let us now examine the type of investments known as Widows’ Securities. .As the name implies, these securities are to be recommended to widows for the safe investment of funds left to such widows by their late husbands. Funds acquired by some widows during their widowhood might of course be invested in more speculative types of securities upon the principle, “Easy Come, Easy Go”; but for elderh widows, without hope of acquiring further property, and one might add, without the necessary attractiveness or ex. perience for making widowhood profitable or even amusing, Widows’ Securities form an excellent type of investment. Occasionally Widows’ Securities are of such a nature that they leave practically nothing for a widow to worry about, Under this head we would place the late common stock of the New Haven Railroad Company, but, in the main, Widows’ Securities are investments which may be made by any widow without the slightest ensuing anxiety, depending of course, upon whether or not such a widow is of a san- guine disposition. A little optimism is necessary when making investments in even the highest forms of securities, and if one is going to meet trouble half-way, widow or no widow, one might just as well invest one’s money in the next lower grade of securities, which is Securities That Are Perfectly. All Right. Under the head of Securities That Are Perfectly All Right comes the type of investments made by authors, art- ists, college professors and people who have saved a little money by years of grinding economy. subject to more violent fluctuations than Widows’ Securities and when (or if) they go flooey, any number of investment experts are not at all.surprised. The reason why such in- vestments are called Securities That Are Perfectly All Right is that when they go down fifty or sixty points the investor has every assurance they will come back again, proviced the investor lives long enough—say two or three hundred years or so. To get the best results from Securities That Are Perfectly All Right, the investor ought to put them away in These securities are “A fine traffic cop you are! If you’d arrested me for speedin’, like you should, I wouldn’t a run into that poor fella.” his s also Are list thes soon Tl is Ca into one men not Tha to h tion usua vest

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September 22 ee Native: Artist: D’ye sell them pictures? No; I’m only doing them for Art’s sake. “Well, does he sell them?” his safe deposit box and try to forget all about them. It is also quite unnecessary for an investor in Securities That Are Perfectly All Right to look them up in the quotation list of the Wall Street page of the afternoon paper. If these securities go flooey, he will hear about it almost as soon as the receiver is appointed. This brings us to the next lower type of securities, which is called Good Investments. It is hardly necessary to enter into a discussion of this type of security, except to say that one should put money into securities known as Good Invest- ments only with the utmost caution. In fact, if one does not feel like investing in Widows’ Securities or Securities That Are Perfectly All Right, it is a great deal better not to have anything to do with so highly speculative a proposi- tion as Good Investments. In short, Good Investments are usually rotten. You now know as much as I do about in- vestment securities, and, I am bound to admit, it isn’t much. Competition “ARE you trying to make a fool of me?” he cried. “I never interfere with nature,” replied the girl with the painted cheeks and pencilled eyebrows. Ever Hear Anybody Say This? WAS to blame entirely, officer. I was driving thirty- five miles an hour and that car couldn't possibly have avoided me.” “That fellow can make more monéy in a week than | can in a year.” “I thoroughly enjoy eating at restaurants—never tire of the food, and eat three meals a day in ‘em regularly.” “My car isn’t worth nine hundred dollars but I'd like to have you buy it at that figure because otherwise I won't be able to finance my wife’s trip to the seashore.” “My children are all slow to learn and uncommonly dull. All of them take after me.” “I was a regular sissy when I was a boy—never did any- thing my parents objected to, and loved school better than anything else.” , “Both of my grandfathers were drunkards and several of my ancestors died in jail.” “T have plenty of time to study but I prefer to waste it having a goad time.” “Come right in. I carry insurance but I'd like to take out a policy with your company to help it get a start.”

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| Wm _= .s 7 ~~ SS s Methuselah (on sightseeing tour): dred years ago this place was uninhabited Latest Wall Street Quotations FOOL and his money are parted—Poor Richard. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon.— New Testament. Honor sinks where prevails.—Goldsmith. Many go out for wool and come home shorn themselves.—Cervantes. soon | WALL STREET] commerce long I'll be with you in the squeezing of a lemon.—G oldsmith, God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb.—-Sterne. 2... He has spent all his life letting down buckets into empty wells —Sydney Smith. Flat burglary as ever was committed.—Shakespeare. Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink.- Coleridge. This little pig went to market—Mother Goose. He is brought as a lamb to the slaughter.—Old Testament The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure.— Jerrold, The laws are with us and God on our side.—Southey. In skating over thin ice our safety is our speed.—Emerson. Sympathy Hoxus: You may say what you will of Borrowell, but you must certainly admit that he is sympathetic. Pokus: Yes, he actually feels sorry for the people he owes money to. Everything is changing. and look at it now. That Rapid Age When I was young nine hun- Notes of a Traveler HE maidens of Scotland, so ruddy of hue, Are made out of heather and apples and ce The maidens of Surrey and neighboring parts Are made out of roses and gooseberry tarts. The maidens of Devon, if all that they seem, Are made out of strawberries, sugar and cream Arthur Guitern True to Form CONTRARY to expectations, the silly season of 1921 did not slip by unobserved. Incomplete returns are as follows 4.591 husbands remained happily married to their own Wives. 6,383 visitors from Des Moines, Salt Lake City and points west did not find Greenwich Village “so interesting.’ 248 unionized steam laundries washed, starched and ironed 720,571 turnover collars without demolishing same. 126 summer girls said “yes” to the first man that popped to them, and meant it. 6,288 ordained ministers neglected to preach sermons on the peril of the one-piece bathing suit. 82 life guards got through the season without becoming engaged to an heiress. TueE Boston Minister who says jazz music is the greatest incentive to immorality has it wrong. It is an incentive to murder. Sept:

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September 22 x. ——S =k ~ SS “Me = SS SSS . = SSS i—“—— Sg — a SE ee th , ~~ —— SS ~ SC SS SSB ~~ > Se _ os SSS > . ont o \ (R&S ree Ca t F-4 (Naw ai, “ m AS \ \ ay | AS eau! SALA PNY xs “> . SS = SO Re. ~ ( ) Copyright Life Pub. Co, - © = 5 5b © = 2

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. ELLO, Lire!” “Shades of Lucullus! If this isn't Andrew Mellon—the most modest millionaire in America. What can I do for you?” “I came in to—” “I’m sorry, old man, but I’ve only got a couple of millions in the cash drawer to-day; you see, yesterday I paid off some of the artists and—” “Not that, Lire. In case Great Britain doesn’t pay up I may call on you later. This is only a personal mat- ter. I’m troubled about myself.” “Make a clean breast of it; no matter what crimes you've committed, you've lived in Pittsburgh and I forgive you.” “It isn’t quite that, Lire. What troubles me is that I’m getting adver- Ww “4 \s a | “ee x tised. If I keep on being talked about, I'll be in the same class with Henry Ford, Tom Edison and Nicholas Butler.” “God forbid!” “I know, but there’s no way out of it. Already I’m beginning to have a secret craving for notoriety. Isn’t there something that— ?” “Nothing, Mr. Mellon, absolutely nothing.” “No, hope?” “None, Mr. Mel- lon—not now.” “But the future?” “Ah! That’s different. No matter how hard this notoriety microbe grips you now, are you willing that—?” “Oh yes, Lire; I'll do anything. I'll never get used to it, anyway.” “Very well, then; adopt this sugges- tion.” “Quick! Out with it!” “Never talk or think anything else but money, Mr. Mellon. Shout in bil- lions. Nobody has any idea how unim- portant they are; they'll all think you are really doing something. Talk noth- ing but money for the next three years —and then you are safe. After that you'll never be heard of again.” “Lire! I thank you!” “Don’t mention it.” Ze Ba ae sipijizyt) Ab add L7 Yo Uf ti Vitti Z SEY Ts SSS NY SS “Jack, I don’t want you to eat those berries; they are full of worms.” “I know, mother; but the worms taste just like the berries. LIFE LIFE’S Fresh Air Fund _Lire’s Fresu Air Funp has been Opera tion for the past thirty-four years. In tha time it has expended $191,130.33 and has given a fortnight in the country to 41,505 poor cits children. 7 Contributions, which are acknowledged in Lire about three weeks after their receipt, should be made payable to Lire’s Fresn Air Funp, ang sent to 598 Madison Avenue, New York City. _ Previously acknowledged ............ $2 “In His Name,” New Haven, Conn.. Camp Quinibeck, South Fairlee, Vt... Leonie Danforth, Stamford, Conn Proceeds of a cake sale conducted by Elizabeth Olton, Elizabeth Green and Elizabeth Hoe at Cranford, N. J... Proceeds of a lemonade and orangeade sale conducted by two little girls at Englewood, N. V. G. Gillingham, Newark, N. J In memory of M. B. C., August 11, 1912 In memory of E. B. N., August 23, 19 1, Margaret Williamson, Philadelphia... . Judge E. R. Finch, West eaten Beach, L. I Cash, Los Angeles, Cz Stephen Lane and Elena Doty, Sandisfield, Mass. Ada Keigwin, Mt. Vernon, N. Y In loving memory of Harriet Duncan In memory of C. S. E., Cincinnati.... Julia and Charlie, Cincinnati Janesville’s share of the proceeds of a baseball game held at Janesville, Pa. , South Baird Jack and Catherine, Spencer, N. Y..... Mrs. C. W. Mengel, Belhaven, N. C. Marjorie Van Zandt McQuide, Pitts- burgh, Pa. Collection Sunday, August 21st, at Camp Wyanoke, Wolfeboro, N. H Sixth birthday contribution from Wells Fargo Ostrander, Seattle, Wash.... Bernice H. Sykes, Paicines, Calif.... The Fort Mifflin Sunday School Chil- dren “From Children’s Sunapee, N. H. Quinibeck Jr. Camp, South Fairlee, Vt. Mrs. T. Sheldon, Oakland, N. J.. Credit balance “‘Good Will” account, Z. R. Umbarger, Chattanooga, Tenn. Party, Granliden, ” $21,89 When They Were Children ADAM was always reasly to start a race. Eve was always saying, leaf.” Jonah was always wailing. Noah always knew enough to come in out of the rain. David was always harping on some- thing or other. Goliath was always saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” Ruth was always gleaning—informa- tion. Jezebel was always going to the clogs. “By your Belinda’s Inconsistency Betinpa’s inconsistency Is half Belinda’s charms. May I, through all existence, see Belinda’s inconsistency ! She laughs at my persistency, But nestles in my arms. Belinda’s inconsistency Is half Belinda’s charms. EB. K. S.

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September 22 The Tale of the Irascible Merchant and the Heroic Office Boy William McPherson, a mercantile person, was Intent upon reading quotations—unheeding an walking in Wall Street one morning automobile’s shrilly warning A young office boy named Oliver Joy saw the And rescued the person of William McPher- automobile just in time son, receiving his thanks and a dime Said Oliver—“My! Your coat collar’s awry.” For he’d rather tenfold have been killed than he Merchant with rage was near blind be told that his collar was turned up behind

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No news is always good news to the proofreaders on the Congres- sional Record. a 8 Song of the building trades—Keep the Home Buyers Yearning. aa ° These days the bow-legged girl hasn't much of a show. +L Although their income hasn’t been re- duced, the penny slot machines still re- fuse to work. Taking the “Haig” out of Copenhagen is Pussyfoot’s present ambition, JL A Congressman says one cannot u estimate the intelligence of the Amer- ican public. And the American public might reply—‘Vice versa.” nder- If the day of the specialist continues to draw nearer, men may get into the habit of liv- ing with only one wife. : 3 It is hard to believe the world is improving till you realize that fewer movie are being shown. serials a Peace in Ireland is, of course, just a poetic figure. Like pro- hibition in America. IL The high price of meat shows that the race is not always to the Swift & Co. IL Feminine style is adjusting it- self . . . in front of a mir- ror, of course. me Fake bankers, of the Ponzi order, have succeeded in ex- tracting ten billion marks from the credulous public in Ger- many. That’s more than could do. the Allies What with the Governor of Illinois being arrested, it is getting so that even the presi- + Local Gossip Ebenezer Telefer hes made up his mind to sell off his stock and turn his pasture inter bungelow lots. idee is to go in fer firewood, garden truck and livery JL ae. , ;, , Eb figgers itll be easier to milk them city fellers then thet bunch o’ Holsteins. (To be continued in our next) eS A North Carolina judge has five auto! obile thieves to attend church regu- larly for one year. Was his object to encourage church-going, or meré to make the roads safe for Sun- day motorists ? : JL If they get home rule in Ire- land, maybe it will spread to New York. sentenced JL The trollibus is coming, a sur- face car without tracks; prob- ably the idea is that you can kill more people that wa) JL Bergdoll, wine and beer will probably come back about the same time. JL should be an prophet tax imposed on these “wet” optimists. His Jt When told by a deputy the Communists losing foothold, it is reported that Trotzky “Quit your skidding.” There excess that were last replied, dent of a bank can’t take away the cash without running some JL Let us here highly resolve that gov- ernment of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from thirst. risk. IL “Yale has taken the ‘smatter’ out of all her courses,” Dean Jones is reported as saying. Presumably in answer to the query, “*S matter, Yale?” JL Women’s skirts never could be listed on the stock exchange; the short inter- est would be too great. A ticket scalper thinks nothing of rais- ing on a pair. " These days the principal occupation of New York contractors is having the streets done over into permanent waves. ae Police bring back runaway husband to irate wife.—Headline. Returning the complement, as it were. JL You can get a sap from almost any family tree. JL Lasker says there has been inefficiency in the Shipping Board. Pretty soon someone will be claiming that there has been graft in Tammany. JIL The New York Stock one thing in commor York theatres— All the seats are in the hands of specu- lators. Exchange has with the New JL There is no secret about the fact that Lire is offering a prize for the best Life Line to be published during the next three months. For further en- couragement, see page 31 of this issue.

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September 22 ; | rie t "¢ wy Cie eae oe PS et a2 6&2 = a oe oe oe eS — ‘ Sw OB" STOCK EX NIG KE OFT C3, a a © STO MERC DAN ONT eos \ Drawn by Charles Forbell The Anglers

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A Harrowing Scene at the Bedside of Mr. Josiah Wallstreet GEORGE S. CHAPPELL Josiah Wallstreet, and really, I was shocked at the poor chap’s appearance. I had heard that he was under the weather—a general breakdown.I was told—but I was in no way prepared to find him in such a deplorable condition. “May I see Mr. Wallstreet?” I asked when I presented my card at the visitors’ wicket. The answer was not reassuring. “Possibly,” said the official, “He is scarcely visible to the naked eye. Room twenty, second floor.” I wandered down a corridor odorous of rubber-tiling and anesthetic, and, finding the door half open, entered the room quietly. A sad sight met my gaze. | CALLED at the hospital yesterday to see my old friend, An efficient-looking nurse came softly toward me. “Quiet, please,” she said. “I am Miss Babson. He js sleeping.” In lowered tones we conversed by the window. “How is he?” I inquired. “His temperature was off an eighth at the opening,” she said with professional calm. “Dr. Bullish came in to see him yesterday and he rallied quite sharply, but he has had several sinking spells since. I was just working on his chart.” A glance at the document which she handed me showed the gradual sinking of my old companion; the temperature- curve ran sharply toward the lower right-hand corner. TLL ae ti | Circumstantial “My dear, I’m beginning to think Mazie is in love.” 9” “Nonsense. Why “I caught her trying to light her lipstick.” ae fe

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he ee ad Lis e- September 22 “He can’t get much lower,” said Miss Babson with a smile; “the paper isn’t wide enough.” “You don’t think—it’s not—” I hesitated— “pernicious anemia ?” “Oh, no... he'll pull through. But his gen- eral motors are all run down. It’s the life he’s led.” “Has it been necessary to operate ?” “Oh my, yes,” said Nurse Babson. “Dr. Bear has operated several times and nearly killed the poor clear.’ “How is he mentally?” “You'd never know him; he’s so low and de- presse. But you'll see. It’s time for his medi- cine. She crossed the room and approached the patient's bedside with two large bottles, one of which was labeled “Mixed Collateral,” the other bearing a technical analysis of which I could only make out “tincture of iron, essence of oil, of lead—” “\Vake up, dearie,” said Miss Babson, pulling losiah’s forelock as if it were a door-bell. “Time for meddy.” Josiah opened one eye and instantly closed it Wh Muli WIN | —— - | JRMET MONTOOMERY “FLAGS “I'm asleep,” he announced. Despite his feeble struggles Nurse Babson force! the noxious draught between his lips. “There!” she said triumphantly. “It’s down.” If He Needed Help “Everything’s down,” shouted Josiah in a A landlord named Isador Brent, voice that startled me. Then suddenly opening When asked what the dumbwaiter meant, Replied with a grin, his eves he pointed at me. o - IS ¢ I I hat dot put in “\\ho’s that?” he cried. “A customer?” To assist me in raising the rent.” “There, there, dearie,’” Miss Babson com- forted. “You're out of your head. You'll feel better in a With a promptitude which I could not but admire, Miss year or two.” Babson hit him smartly on the head with a heavy Indian “Call Money,” he shouted wildly. “Call Money.” club which stood by the bedside. Giving me a meaning glance, Miss Babson stepped to the “No, no, dearie,” she admonished. “Mustn't get up. door and called gently down the corridor. “Here, Money, No, no.” Money, Money.” It seemed to calm him. He sank back Poor Josiah! There he lay, babbling insanely. with a wan smile and murmured, “I’m so hungry.” “Please pass the dividends,” he kept repeating. “Please at's good,” she soothed. “And what would he like pass the dividends.” . for his supper?” Then he closed his eyes, breathed a long sigh and lay still. “LAMB!” he screamed, “I want lamb. Lamb-chops, “Poor Josiah Wallstreet,” I thought as I hurried out of laml-steaks, lamb-fries, lamb-pie!” Throwing back the the gloomy building. I haven't dared look at a newspaper covers he stretched an emaciated limb toward the floor. since my visit. He may get over it, but I feel sure that he will never look the same. The Lyric Baedeker Glasgow Tue clamor and clang of the shores of the Clyde, Her forges that flare on the dark of the tide, The fleets that she pours to the sea are the pride Of Glasgow. But drab is the town as a shawl-hooded cronc, And dreary and cold with a chill all its own. You ask them for bread and they give you a scone, In Glasgow. Her eyes never smile; but each Saturday night Her workers get drunk, which is patently right; For anyone would to escape from the blight Of Glasgow, Caught Arthur Guiterman,

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“Well, my little man w SS SASS “Can you put your toe in your mouth?” Our Criminal Department P to the present time there are in the United States only 18,943,212 criminals—not including ourselves and two others who feel that they are not yet quite expert enough, and wish to wait. While it is quite true that this is a greater number of criminals in pro- portion to the population than in any other country on earth, it must be re- membered that we are a great country, full of the highest ideals, which we ought, in all conscience, to live up to. Our new classes are forming all the time. Come into our Bandits’ Club, which now only lacks four to make the circle of twenty-five complete. This club will be coached in New Jersey, which offers the finest field for exten- sive operations like these. If you pre- fer to do lighter work, get a copy of our Kidnaper’s Guide, and learn in ten lessons how to abduct babies. This in- cludes chapters on “How to Ask for Ransom,’ “In and Out of Telephone Booths,” “Keeping a Baby Alive on Only Ten Cents a Day,” and “Working Up the Parental Agony.” We have a few left-over movie babies on hand, which you can practice upon for a minimum sum. Remember, if you keep on trying to be honest you will soon be ostracized by everybody. Come in now while the going is good. Remember our motto: Let us then be up and doing Everybody with a will. Still a-thieving, still pursuing; Learn to sandbag and to kill. Special Legislation Nortu: Did Senator Bulger make you a promise? West: No—a price. Yt bese MD lot WHEL, Yip ee, le LUi¥ ye and what is it you want to ask me?” Who's Who in America HE fellow who can listen to squeak” and tell you exactly ails the car. Whose smile means something traffic policeman. Who knows where to get a quart of the real thing. Who knows of a flat to rent. Who doesn't tell you the plot of the movie he saw last week. Who doesn’t believe that basebal! is crooked or that there is any connection between the girls’ modes and _ their morals. Orrice Boy: There’s a member of the "Varsity team outside. He wants his photo done. PHOTOGRAPHER: Side face? Orrice Boy: No, half-back. Tue man who keeps his friends is the one who never gives them away. nou at h mal air crit G the cou tne}

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September 22 Summer Resort News as It Ought to Be Written RK. JOSEPH HOWLAND GLIMP, of Baltimore, had seven blow-outs during his motoring trip through the Berkshires. Raoul Murphy, proprietor of the Cliff House, Minniwonka, Wis., an- nounced that the shortage of visitors at his hotel this summer was due to the fact that the roof leaks. Harriet Gillick developed malignant malaria during her sojourn at Ocean- air Park, Cal., and is said to be in a critical condition, Guests at Welcome Inn state that they used to think that the food there couldn't possibly be any worse, but that they were wrong. [he average temperature in Sea Breeze, Me., for the months of July and August was 96 F. in the sun. (There wasn't any shade.) John L. Fink, of Ogden, landed a three-pound perch in Trout Lake, Idaho—this being considered the largest catch of the season. This has been a gala year for mos- quitoes in Paradise Rest, N. J., but Hor- ace Mopp, Chairman of the local Cham- ber of Commerce, predicts confidently that there will be an even larger num- ber of the little invertebrates at the popular resort next season. There have been no fewer than eleven cases of typhoid fever this season at Freshwater Inn, Cold Spring, North Dakota. In answer to various critics, Frank- lin Quibble, of the Grandview Hotel, announced that his hostelry would be all that its name implies if he could persuade the railroad company to move the station. Reassuring “Want to take a chance on an auto- mobile, mister? Only a dollar.” ‘But I don’t want an automobile, young man.” “That's all right, mister. won't get _ Maybe you Sonnet To a Bartender’s Guide Q SWEET and precious tome—thou treasury Of wealth my golden youth-tide lived and knew, Now come to wake, and send a-throb- bing through Each fibre, surge of glowing ecstasy! No bibliophile, thrilled with discovery Of some “First the due I render, lovingly, Uncut,” gives it half this night to you, Compendium of vanished nepenthe! No Elzevir, no Aldine can compare To thy chaste imprint, old friend Rich- ard K; No tree rare Holds half your charm, nor calf binding and no missal ever can convey \ tithe the vibrant joy your pages fair Conjure, to haunt me, of your bygone day ! Sarasohn. 3 La | AN, " Ni * =. oat O1aT# My i) A Regular Customer “I think I'll have some fish.” “Pardon, Monsieur, the fish is not well to-day.”

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Yi ay \ a as SEPTEMBER 22, 1921 London Offices, HE world is still much disturbed, especially in the newspapers. There seems to be no more thar feeble confi- dence anywhere in the govern- mental and economic bases on which rests the apparatus of current life. Stocks had a rise out of the encouraging badness of the cotton crop, but people wonder how long the money that they have been used to living on will be forthcom- ing, and those who have invested funds, even in the most conservative securi- ties, wish they had them in something less liable to suffer from bad business. For business is not yet good. Very many important concerns, including most of the railroads, are living partly on their savings or their credit, and the people who own their shares either miss their dividends or live in fear that they will stop. Nevertheless, the feeling about busi- ness is better. The worst is over, they tell us, and next month improvement will be visible. Writings in the abler weekly papers are very curious. In the Villager, the Freeman and the New Republic one finds strange reflections on the times, excellent pieces many of them; inter- esting in their observations and deduc- tions, but the work of writers who seem to be lost in the woods, and unable to see their way out. Curious impulses drive through na- tions and, of course, they do not stop at boundary lines. Government is not government, in the sense that it con- trols and directs mankind. It does something, but mankind is mostly going it on its own hook. This wandering, wondering world cannot yet realize the significance of what has happened to it. Accordingly new organizations -Anti-Roman Catholic, Anti-Alien. “While there is Life there’s Hope” Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY Rolls House, Breams Bldgs., 598 Madison Avenue, New York keep springing up to do something that seems desirable to some people, and some of them wax enormously, for one thing that has come to be understood in this generation is organization. A good many people know how to pro- duce organization. They understand the machinery of it and can work it. They also understand propaganda and advertisement. The New York World just now is publishing the results of an investigation of the Ku Klux Klan, which is the old society of that name which used to regulate the South after the Civil War, dug up and extended into the northern and western states, and controlled by leaders whose pur- pose, so the World says, is Anti-Jew, The World seems to think this organization is important enough to be dangerous, and perhaps it is, but anyhow it is symptomatic of the current disposition to relieve constituted government of the charge of mankind. “x 2 re ; RY QA™sS , : S : v 4 a FO \a co we ~ SS ene nowadays, all regular and au- thorized efforts to keep the peace and regulate the world by the use of mechanisms that existed before the war are embarrassed by the fact of which there are so many signs that govern- ment has fallen into disrepute. The management of the world was entrusted to it and it fell down on its job, and, so doing, lost the respect of mankind. People feel that it is a good deal of a fake. To some extent the Church is in the same boat. Expectations from either of them nowadays are very mod- erate. People who want national pros- perity know that governments can’t fur- nish it, and are looking for it where they may and slowly approaching the London, conclusion that they will have to pro- vide it for themselves, and that the most they can ask of government will be not to hinder them too much. So, the peo- ple who want religion are disposed to get it anywhere they can, and if the churches don’t furnish it to.suit them, they go in the highways and byways to find it. This current indisposition to be fooled by forms and office, and insist- ence on having something real and fill- ing even at the cost of getting it for oneself, is encouraging, though the im- mediate consequences may derly. be disor- N°? doubt this indisposition has to 1 do with the hesitation of the Sinn Fein chiefs in Ireland to accept the British offer of Dominion government. There may be details in that offer that are proper to be changed, but in the main it is the best the British govern- ment could make. Doubtless the Sinn Fein leaders find the control of Ire- land’s destinies an agreeable exercise, and are loath to let go any part of it. An Ireland on the loose with a bank ac- count in New York seems to look bct- ter to them than an Ireland attached by even the most slender ties to “Govern- ment.” Their reluctance worries land’s best friends. It makes some of them ready to exclaim—“Oh, my! Let the Irish have liberty, complete liberty, liberty to go it alone, to see every one wrong but the Irish, to bullyrag Ulster, to flout England, to wag their fingers from the nose at these States, to punch one another, to raise hell—and see how they like it and how it agrees with them! Something more than liberty has been found necessary to other peo- ples in this world—to wit, co-operation lre-

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September 22 and reasonableness, and maybe it will turn out to be necessary even to the Irish.” It is natural to feel so, but probably not helpful. The Irish negotiations will probably work out. The Sinn Fein leaders know that however enjoyable their present importance is, it cannot last unless they continue to have the support of the voters in Ireland and the contributors in these States. They know of course that complete success would mean that they would cease to be ructionary chiefs and leaders and them- selves become Government. And then what? When they get through heck- ling, haggling and head-lining, they will probably come to terms, and Lloyd George is Lloyd George, and knows his job, and can be trusted to side-step the reconquest of Ireland, if it is within the powers of human talent to do it. Ah hh © AGF UR government, though it shares considerably the dilapidated repu- tation into which all governments have fallen, has not yet quit its employment. It still sends out weather reports—very trying ones—collects taxes, and legis- lates after a fashion, There was quite a promising civil war under way in West Virginia between coal miners and coal operators, and our government has intervened with troops and has induced ai appearance of peace, and professes to intend to inquire into the causes of the hostilities and remove them if pos sible. Somebody said the worst of the coal war would be what The New Re- public would say about it, and that may be bad, but a dearth of coal next winter may also be bad, and possibly the West \irginia mines are important. When the French queen heard that the people lacked bread she said give them cake, and in the same spirit we would face a dearth of coal by a resolve to cook with gas. HE American Bar Association has visited its “unqualified condemna- tion” on Judge Landis for being a base- ball judge at $42,500 a year while re- ceiving a salary of $7,500 as a Federal judge. The Association does not ap- prove of having the judicial ermine dragged around the bases in that fashion, The Association has spoken with em- phasis, but, after all, it is a constituted authority, and being more or less under the blight that has fallen on all mem- " Wtterly without scruple, his bers of that family, its fulminations may not have much effect. Judge Lan- dis does not seem crushed by its disap- probation, and at this writing has made no response to it. One good thing Judge Landis has done by accepting the baseball salary. He has given a loud and picturesque publicity to the well-known fact that the Federal judges, district and circuit, in large cities and important districts are ridiculously underpaid and always have been. They are very hard worked; their work is very important, and their salaries are less than half of what they should be. One may almost excuse Judge Landis’s deficiencies in judicial decorum for the sake of his usefulness as an advertiser of that fact. The 15 spectacle of one Federal judge who is paid enough to live on and something over is not entirely displeasing to spec- tators. And the judge seems to have done another highly important service in his extra-judicial decision about the wages of union workers in the Building Trades in Chicago. ‘He was called upon to be umpire in that dispute because the union-workers, like the men, have confidence in him as a man of courage and experience, not closely tied up to capitalism and the existing order. His decision cuts the building in about twenty per cent., and makes first-rate reading for common citizens. E. S. Martin. baseball too cost of Chicago The Truth About Lenine As Revealed by Any Two Interviewers Short and Stocky in build he bears striking resemblance to Lincoln © Hilis simple, childlike demeanor gives him more the appearence of a hyena than a man of the how prosperous Mussian peasentry of terrorism and wholesale masSecre hes won him the affection

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— in a ‘oo tee ese t= es Pe See eiptaAIE EF 2 ea S o n Me v uv = or 4 Drawn by Victor C.

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ee EE EVO a eal Bi ee es a hd ee ~s a Pe a ee ee + . ‘ ae bien Sad 4 : re ; ¥ p

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Nowhere Near All ANNIE HURST is a remarkably successful writer of short so it was only natural that she should write a play. All you have to do is take a short story and have some people recite it frony memory on a stage. The dialogue in the first act of “Back Pay” is written in the manner of one of Miss Hurst’s more elaborate short stories. Everyone in the cast speaks in pulsating similes, each one of which must have taken no less than twenty minutes of literary labor on the part of the author, erasing and polishing-off included, but all are delivered by the common folk of Demopolis, Ohio, with an ecstatic extemporaneousness which. suggests a townfull of hitherto mute, inglorious Miltons suddenly be- coming fervently articulate. The un- tutored young girl, brought up in the red heart of the segregated district of Demopolis, refers constantly to her “crépe de chine soul,” and, addressing the front row in the balcony through the beautiful eyes of Miss Helen Mac- Kellar, describes, in similes, the alarming emotional effects of riding home in a limousine from the store. After the first act the characters stop talking for publication and get down to business, most of it very old business, but some of it effective because it is built of ever-effective material. An author who would use a blind soldier, however, to get an effect on a helpless audience, would kill a little yellow- haired child at the end of the second act with its parents kneeling by the side of the crib. Hasgga 8 OHN GOLDEN and Winchell Smith have such a reputation for picking Broadway winners that it is unwise for an observer of the theatre to look askance at any play on which they have decided to place their money. As they have so tellingly pointed out in their advertisements of “The Wheel,” the critics didn’t go wild over “Lightnin’?’ All we can say, therefore, is that the stories; sensuous roulette scene in “The Wheel” was mildly interesting to us and that we were pleasantly amused at the juvenile love affair of the Jewish boy and the Irish girl (thanks to Harold Waldridge and Leila Bennett), and that two days later we forgot that we had seen the show at all. So, along about the end of the third year of “The Wheel” at the Gaiety, we shall have to go again to see what all the raving is about. ia : Taal Ta oe SILVER “ HE FOX” is one of those society plays which elicit murmurs of polite laughter from those in the audience to whom any dialogue concerning marital infidelity delivered in a drawing-room is considered, of necessity, very clever. It is by Cosmo Hamilton, which statement of fact sat- isfactorily completes any description of the play itself. Mr. Hamilton’s pro- fessional motto is always: “ Adeste Infideles.” The cast is what is known as “pol- ished,” including William Faversham, Violet Kemble Cooper and the delight- ful Lawrence Grossmith. Miss Kemble Cooper would lend distinction to a Hopwood-Collison farce, and completely dominates “The Silver Fox” that Mr. Faversham is gracefully rele- gated to the role of feeder. And thanks to the Arthur Hopkins influ- ence on acting during the past five years, Mr. Faversham’s reading of “me heart” and “me soul” now seems like an echo from the ham days when actors wore fur-cuffed ulsters on the street and carried one hand thrust in at the bosom. now, as she so RTHUR HOPKINS has also done us a splendid turn in producing Zoe Akins’ “Daddy’s Gone A-Hunting.” It is a sad play. Don’t go expecting anything short of an evening of heart- ache. It is almost aimless in its in- sistence on tragedy, for when it is all over, nothing has been proved and there have been no reason for having written it except that it was high time for someone to write a good play which bore no other message than that a well-written, honest dramatiza- tion of*life may be both interesting and inspiring. “Daddy’s Gone A-Hunting” Marjorie Rambeau her first opportunity to do her best, and her best is shown to seems to affords be just about as good as there is. She is so very lovely-iooking, however, that it is difficult to remain sensible in esti- mating her performance. Frank Con- roy is the embodiment of the Hopkins suppressed-desires method of acting, and our own personal feeling is that it is the only kind of acting we ever want to see again. And certainly we never want to see any other setting for a Greenwich Village scene after the vivid simplicity of Robert Edmond _ Jones design for the second act. and his artistry are overwhelming in M* JONES again so “Swords” that it is difficult to appraise the play and the acting apart from the All three blend together in a magnificent picture of the passionate days in medizval Italy when Guelph and Ghibelline were not so friendly and lovely ladies were impris- oned in castle towers for the express purpose of being rescued with as much bloodshed as Clare Eames again, as in “Mary Stuart,” rides with regal aspect through a play pictorially suited to her presence, and Sidney How- ard has written lines which are dignified yet bloody, sounding gratefully on ears setting and costumes. possible. unused to cadences more elaborate than those of Jack Hazzard’s topical recita- tions. It is not always easy to follow just who is killing whom and why, and Miss Eames has one very bad spell up on a balcony waving a_ property torch, but for all that, “Swords” is a fine thing for Mr. Pemberton to have produced. Robert C. Benchley.

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September 22 wing to the time it takes to print Lire, readers should verify from the daily news- papers the continuance of the attractions at the theatres mentioned. More or Less Serious Back Pay. issue The Bat. Morosco.—Thrilling murder melodrama, entirely impossible, but who cares The Circle. next week. Daddy’s Gone A-Hunting. —Reviewed in this issue. The Detour. Bijou, — Old-fashioned rustic kitchen-sink drama with a new- fashioned ending, impressively acted and well worth seeing. The Easiest Way. reviewed next week. The Green Goddess. Booth.— The Himalayas as the scene for George Arliss’ polished villainy. The Hero. Belmont—A novel and daring idea expressed in the theatre’s most stereotyped manner. Liliom. Fulton—Through Heaven and Earth with a roughneck, in as satisfying a performance as any season could wish. The Silver Fox. Marine Elliott's. Reviewed in this issue. Sonya. Forty-Eighth St—All right if looking at bright-colored costumes keeps you awake. Swords. National_—Reviewed in this ISsuc The Triumph of X. wordy play about heredity. Eltinge.—Reviewed in this Selwyn.—To be reviewed Plymouth.. Lyceum.—To be Comedy.—A Comedy and Things Like That Dulcy. Frasee—Amusing comedy built around a conversational young wife who helps her husband out in his business af- fair Incidentally, some genuine satire. The First Year. Little—Little scenes from home-life put into play form for the first time and made hilariously funny. Getting Gertie’s Garter. Republic— Go with someone whom you can nudge. Honors Are Even. Times Square— Lola Fisher and William Courtenay in what might have been made into two plays, one of which should have been thrown away. Just Married. Nora Bayes—Common ed-room farce, made uncommonly by Lynne Overman. March Hares. Punch and Judy—De- licious satire on temperament for those who do not insist on coherence in their drama. Nice People. Klaw.—A warning to our young folks which ceases to be entertain- ing as soon as Francine Larrimore begins to ect respectable in the last act. _The Night Cap. Thirty-Ninth St.— Starting out as a murder mystery, it soon turns into a comedy, making a really en- tertaining evening of it. Six-Cylinder Love. Sam H. Harris — The tragedy of the suburban automobile- Owner, delightfully portrayed by Ernest Truex and June Walker and others of an excellent cast. Two Blocks Away. George M. Co- han’s.—To be reviewed next week. _ The Wheel. Gaicty.—Reviewed in this issue. Eye and Ear Entertainment Get Together. Hippodrome.—To be reviewed next week. Greenwich Village Follies. —To be reviewed next week. The Last Waltz. Century.— Comic opera of a vanished age, with Straus mu- sic, and amusing horseplay. The Merry Widow. Knickerbocker. —A weak revival of the old favorite. Shubert. Put and Take. viewed next week. Sally. New Amsterdam—Taking everything into consideration, still in the lead. Scandals of 1921. Liberty.—Last two weeks, which is quite as it should be. Shuffle Along. Sixty-third St—Col- ored singers and dancers whose vigorous performance has made attendance a fad among the knowing ones. Tangerine. Casino—Julia Sanderson and Jack Hazzard, with pleasant music and familiar jokes. Ziegfeld Follies. Globe.—A ing evening, with plenty to see beautiful and much to laugh at. Town Hall.—To be re- satisfy- that is INTIMATE GLIMPSES OF AMERICAN GENERALS OF INDUSTRY No. 8. Testing the resiliency of Dr. Beeman’s chewing gum

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LIFE Solomon Grundy Profiteers on Monday Votes for Blue Laws on Tuesday N ’ § . « Fie ; . ( / ( J Bet \ BOF $08" ¥ 1$3.00 Ma | But \n on | My WI Raises Rents on Wednesday Dispossesses on Thursday Swears off Taxes on Friday . Yo N \n At \s Drawn by F, G. Cooper it. The Adventures of Solomon Grundy

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September 22 To a Lady Doctor NV \DAM, I've seen you laying low The wild, intractable bronchitis; Fierce morbilli you’ve forced to go, \nd devastating parotitis ! Before you hordeolum flees, And, could praxis doubtless, you give a For stemming the intricacies Of complicated epistaxis. Mayhap your practiced skill disdains Che milder ills we call neuralgic, But, though you conquer subtle pains, Otalgic, ay! and odontalgic, \nd though your art may be displayed In curbing rapid ecchymosis, My case is one in which you've made \n inefficient diagnosis ! Whene’er your Aésculapian lore You exercise in my direction, You seem to utterly ignore My fervent cardiacal action, And only you can cure it, miss, Or give relief in any measure; A neat prescription, such as this, I'd take with something more than pleasure : As, “Recipe; Infus. amor; Of banns 3; or license single; Of parsons 1; of bridesmaids 4; Of ushers 6; together mingle. lhen drop in speeches till they're done, id, as the marriage takes to starting, Of trunks a heap; a carriage 1; ul agua ad—the tears at parting!” La Touche Hancock. Reward Fido! Come, nice dog- Ve ery vie.” \nd the little lost dog's heart thrills at the thought of a friend, a playmate al—a master. whirl Through his dog head faithful hopes of heroic deeds guarding this master from danger. llis little red tongue shoots out in af- fectionate caress as he licks the hand of his newly found friend. He wags his tail until he wriggles all the way up to his shoulders. ‘ome, fellers. Get a can. Here’s some sport.” he men gather ‘round. “More friends!” His excitement knows no bor nds. Past hardships are forgotten. he little tail goes so fast that the burly fellow can hardly fix the thing to it. And the little lost dog pays joyous urt to each of the men stooping around him. cr bn gillian 4 fine Mee Magy J+, Sandy McTavish Finds a Place to Practice A kick, a yelp, a hollow roar of jeer- ing laughter, and the little stray pup is off in frantic leaps through a cloud of dust. “A rotten “musement for grown- up men!” mutters the tall, clean cor- poral as he comes out of his tent. The little dog crosses the drill grounds, stopping now and then to bite at the horrible pursuing monster that clings to his tail. Straight for the road he rushes. A scream from the colonel’s wife, and the truck driver snatches his steering wheel. Too late! William Robertson. Be Your Own Mousetrap A timid lady awoke one night and heard a mouse in her room. young First one slipper was hurled mouseward and then the other, but in stopping the noise only a short time. she wondered what to do she succeeded Terrified, next. She sat up in bed and meowed. Tue Heerer: Well, I see that Jimp- son, them reformers’ candidate f'’r Mayor, is goin’ t’ have all his meetin’s opened with prayer. Tue Boss: Good! knows he’s licked ! That means he

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The Three Musketeers HEN Alexandre Dumas - sat down at his desk, smoothed his hair back, chewed the end of his quill pen, and said to himself, “Well, I guess [ might as well write a book called ‘The Three Musketeers,’ he- doubtless had but one object in view: to provide a suitable Douglas Fairbanks to act in the movies. Dumas did his work well, and he de- serves all the credit that he will get from the millions of people who are destined to see “The Three Musket- eers’ on innumerable screens through- out the world. It is so thoroughly satisfying a per- formance on the part of all concerned that your correspondent, whose lauda- tory equipment has rusted through long disuse, finds it difficult to say anything that is anywhere near ade- quate. Mr. Fairbanks, as D’Artagnan, can best be described in the dashing Gascon’s word—"* Marvellous.” Never has a famous character from a famous novel found finer treatment in motion pictures. D’Artagnan lives in Fairbanks. Fairbanks lives in D’Aria- gnan. Not only is the physical grace and superb poise there—but also the in- tense inner fire, the animation of spirit that was so vital a part of Dumas’ mag- nificent hero. Mr. Fairbanks performs a_ great number of his athletic stunts, with some excellent sword play thrown in for the occasion; but, more than that, he acts D’ Artagnan with a degree of skill that can be compared favorably with the performances that Sothern and Lewis Waller gave of this role in the “The Three Musketeers.” Without recourse to many close-ups, he manages to develop a considerable va- riety of expression, ranging from the familiar Fairbanks smile to a slightly impudent grimace that is remarkably reminiscent of Charlie Chaplin. AS for the rest of the production, “The Three Musketeers” is well worthy of its story and its star. Nigel de Brulier lends a quiet forcefulness to the role of Richelicu, and Marguerite De La Motte is a pretty and spirited heroine. The costumes and settings are story for bec« me own stage version of excellent, and the scenes well staged. In apportioning the praise for the success of “The Three Musketeers,” one is inclined to overlook the fact that a considerable share of the credit be- longs to Edward Knoblock, who adapted the story, and who has made an intelli- gent if free translation of Dumas. All things considered, “The Three Musketeers” is the superior of any of the German pictures that have been brought to this country. It takes rank with “The Four Horsemen of the Apoc- alypse” and “The Kid” as one of the great achievements of the movies. Pilgrims of Love N “Pilgrims of Love,” we find a typ- ical E. Phillips Oppenheim laden with the usual coterie of interna- story, tional crooks, prefects of police, spies, titled aristocrats, molested maidens, thousand-frane notes and Scotland Yard gumshoes. All this is engagingly set forth by a cast which, if individually undistin- guished, puts the all-star lineup in “The Affairs of Anatol” to shame. Every part is expertly handled. More- over, J. L. Frothingham has given it a good production—even going so far as to show a scene in a British nobleman’s home without a single potted palm tree in evidence. We are as yet unable to explain what the title, “Pilgrims of Love,”’ has to do with the story, but then, we never were very quick at those things. Room and Board § p difference between an_ Irish movie and the same brand of musical comedy is that the tenor hero cannot come out and .sing at through his tonsils. Which proves that the much maligned silent drama something to be said in its favor, after all. “Room and Board” is all Irish from start to finish, the only alien in the piece being an American boy, by the name of O’Brien. ‘He rents a mort- gaged castle from a titled colleen, who pretends to be the housekeeper, wear- ing the high-heeled shoes and diamond- tread silk stockings that all quality af- you has fect when assuming a servile role. is a familiar situation and it ends familiar way. Constance Binney is very nice as tl fair daughter of Mother Machree. Forever STORY of rare beauty, acted beautiful people, against beaut backgrounds, is ‘Forever,’ the christened screen version of Du rier’s “Peter Ibbetson.” In fact, t is more beauty lying around in this ture than in any that we have seen since “Broken Nor is it solely zsthetic in its ap- peal. drama, and a deal of pathos—a word, by the way, that has mutilated by persistent mis- treatment in the movies as to be almost Blossoms.” There are many moments of real great genuine be en so unrecognizable. George Fitzmaurice, the reaches greater heights this production than we he could attain. cellent conception of the spiritual qual- ity of Du Maurier’s novel, and has in- direc YT, a . of artistry in ever belicved He has gained an ex- terpreted it on the screen with c mendable reverence technical details, and its faithfulness the period it depicts, Mr. Fitzmauri production is unusually fine. and care. In scene wherein Peter goes to the gall through the morning mists is beauti beyond words, and the effect has b heightened by judicious use of li from “The Ballad of Reading Ga Wallace Reid, as Peter Ibbctson, 1s none too happily cast, but Elsie Fergu- son finds a part greatly to her liking in the Duchess of Towers. The eloquent George Fawcett has little to do, but lhe does it extraordinarily well. E asked a representative of the company which produced “For- ever” why they had seen fit to chang« the title of Du Maurier’s novel. “Well,” was the reply, “if we called it ‘Peter Ibbetson,’ the local exhibitors out West would certainly complain on the ground that their patrons don't want any of this Swedish stuff.” Robert E. Sherwood. (Recent Developments will be found page 29)

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September 22 SAI Si | iChes O ane @00 5; 54 4 4, sek panc (G22 Mure a Ture, (4. 20 Al [29 0 “iva gy q 71000 96 q 500 19 71 OH @y a Iu r¢ . WW \y 4 “Tell Me Not in Mournful Numbers”

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Green Farm Hand: If They Get Any Better F manufactured products get any better and the testimonial letters become more glowing, the following may be expected: “I just wish you to know that the Fearnot automobile tire | purchased of you in 1899 is still in good shape. It has gone 765,- 000 miles and shows no signs of wear.” “Back in 1865, when I came out of the Civil War, I purchased one of your Bulldog shaving brushes. I wore whiskers in the army but decided to shave and bought the brush. It never shed a bristle until yesterday, where- upon I dropped some of your Chain Lightning hair tonic on it and six bristles have grown in to take the place of the one that dropped out.” “I confess I never saw any- thing like the lather your soap makes. My six-year-old boy was crying for snow one day this summer, and, as Nature re- fused to provide a snowstorm “Say! I’m on to you. You want to be the engine goin’ down hill, an’ you expect me to be it goin’ up.” I quit. I didn’t know ye had to plow hornets to raise wheat. for him, I took a cake of your toilet soap and made _ so lather. I filled the front y with rich, lather, average of one foot deep. boy has played in this lather two weeks and it is in as goo creamy shape as when I made it.” “Your silk hosiery is the best ever, according to my opini | have been wearing a pair vour Nevertear hose since 19 and as yet neither stocking developed any I defects wl ( ver,” “I cannot say enough I have one that has been to the laundry 7544 times and it is as good is new.” your Resisto collars. “IT am unusually hard on shoes but I have worn a pair of your Hopover brand for twenty-seve1 years and so far they do 1 need half-soling.” “Ten years ago I had hair permanently waved with your special waver and I am happy to inform you that it has not needed combing since.”

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ember 22 A Sermon lays a week the Devil works— Vorks overtime on Sunday, hen he’s ready once again tart anew on Monday. ll evil you would shun keep your conscience level, ust begin at early morn work just like the Devil. M. E. Beall. Questionnaire RANCE ADJUSTER ((o vic- fire and insurance company) : fire to this house? The shows id you set Int? Preposterous! u had it insured Lf you didn’t know there be a fire why did you stay home 1? This looks bad, awfully bad. erent home, eh? Ah ha! You e house and then sneaked out, fact pre- 1oOn, Vell get a conviction on that ad- sure. ic look at r tonsils. your hands. Show Do you keep a cow? v is dry? Why don’t you give lrink? You mean ilk now, ech? Did you notify when the cow was think- that we could cked on our special rider No. 92 permitting her to do so? You d with this cow to increase the Think of the terribly in- possibility of fire and loss of | not a drop of milk on the she doesn’t pany going dry so +] r ard. This is criminal! old are you? Sixty? You but I think you're younger. ar whiskers. Did obtain from the company cov- is extra hazard? What do you to do with the money we don't Have any of your t wife’s former husbands or their ad any fires of which you know Why? If you answer in the e, state when. Why did you not in some other company? You of (almost) obtaining money disturb- you permit to give you? false pretenses, arson, peace and perjury. ever,in the spirit of magnanim ch has made our company fa- if you will pay your premiums and regularly as in the past, solemnly covenant and agree this matter run along just as there had been no fire. E evil that men do lives after and, what is more, their heirs considerable inheritance + LO pay ; on it, Wall Street ALL STREET is bounded on the north by the Coolidge Farm, on the east by the three-mile limit, on the south by the Congressional Unre- serve Budget Lack-of-System, and on the west by Henry Ford. It is subject to violent extremes of heat and cold, swept by hot air Senatorial siroccos, and its gilt-edged and rock-bound coast line is covered with the wreckage of Napoleons of finance, who have not heeded the storm signals or the cry of “brokers ahead.” Bulls and will over its bears range at more fertile 95 plains, seeking whom they may devout and usually finding them. Those who survive its severe climate take no exer cise except twice a year when they move crops, and live mostly upon lamb and mint sauce. The banks of Wall Street are very high and steep and troubled with floating bonds; its waters and deep pools are infested with sharks. Travelers Visit to Wall Street passport from Mr. Rockefeller, Mr. Morgan or Mr. they should asbestos and contemplating a should secure a Gary; wear light clothing leave all their values behind. “But, my dear Henry, it was only a thousand and I charged it to our ac- count. After all, what is a thousand to people who owe as much as we do?”

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The Dying Thesaurus ROBERT C. BENCHLEY N top of everything else comes the announcement in the newspapers that, unless $10,000 is forthcoming within a month, the great thesaurus of the Latin tongue will have to be aban- doned! And yet the war was fought ostensibly for Democracy ! In case there are a few scattered il- literates who have never heard of the great thesaurus of the Latin tongue, let it be explained that it has been under way for twenty years, that five volumes of it have already been published (even if the whole thing were to collapse now, we still would have those five vol- umes; so don’t take on so), and that the general scheme of the thing was to give the history of every word in the Latin tongue from earliest times to the Middle Ages. And now, for the lack of a mere $10,000, the Thesaurus Com- mission, through Dean West of Prince- ton, stands in the doorway looking up the road toward the setting sun ‘and murmurs sadly: “Well, Dan, we might as well face it now as later. We can’t go on. We've-got-to-stop—(glup)— the-old-thesaurus.,” It hardly seems possible that, in a land of plenty like ours, a project like this can be allowed to fail. Just think what it would mean to have a complete history of every word in the Latin tongue from earliest times right plumb up to the Middle Ages. You may think perhaps that the history that you have is complete enough, but does it bring the thing up to the Middle Ages? Sup- pose, for instance, a dispute were to arise some night at dinner over the his- tory of the word agricola. “T'll bet you the seats to the Follies,” you might say to your brother-in-law, “that the word agricola used to be prac- tically interchangeable with the mascu- line demonstrative pronoun hic. Agri- cola means ‘farmer,’ and so does hic, or, as it has come down to us in Eng- lish, ‘hick.’ ” One word would lead to another, or perhaps even to something worse, and the upshot of the whole thing would be a hurried reaching for your vest-pocket history of Latin words and phrases. And what would be your chagrin to find that the volume began with the First Punic War and gave absolutely nothing previous to that period that you could rely upon! We are a thorough people and we de- mand that our history of the Latin tongue shall be thorough. As the pop- ular song-hit has it: “If our thesaurus The Only Man Who Cleaned Up in Wall Street This Year ain’t a real thesaurus, we don’t want no thesaurus at all.” That's the way the rank and file of Americans feel about it. Home life is the basis of all our national institutions and there is noth- ing that contributes to its stability like a good book for reading aloud. “What shall it be to-night, kiddies?” LIFeE says the father, drawing up his chair before the fireplace in which stands vase of hydrangeas, “the story of how mensa came to have its feminine end. ing?” “Oh, no, Daddy,” lisps little Hazel, “read us about the root verbs which are traceable to the Etruscan ip. fluence on the early Latin language, You know, Daddy, the one about the great big prefix, the middle-sized pre. fix, and the little baby prefix which went ‘huius, huius, huius’ all the way home.” And so the father reads the old, old story of how the good fairy came and told ad, ante, con, in, post, pre, pro, sub and super that some day they would grow up and govern the dative and how it all worked out just as the good fairy had said. And all the little children fall asleep with smiles and post-toasties on their faces. And for the lack of ten thousand dol- lars shall this dream of American home life fade away? Better should Russia starve a thousand times than that the Latin thesaurus should be abandoned, Contributions should be sent to Pro- fessor William Abbot Oldfather of the University of Illinois, who is chairman of the committee. If you haven't any money to spare, send old lacrosse shoes, furniture, or whatever you think a thesaurus would like. Philosophy So, beggared of its worth, the hoarded love I gave so gladly when you asked it me, Comes creeping back to fill my heavy heart With misery. All things change; This too will pass Like sudden winds Across the grass. Humiliated, scorned by my own soul I struggle on to leave despair behind Neglected lies the altar where our love Was once enshrined. All things change; This too will pass Like sudden leaves Across the grass. Leslie Gannon True to His Colors Pat was brought to the hospital, suf- fering severely. “Which ward do you want to be taken to?” the house physician asked. “The pay ward, or —” “Ainy ward thot is safely dimo- cratic,” Pat interrupted feebly.

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a : we i i Wi The a Triumph of the Wills Sainte Claire is its Motor In the Wills Sainte Claire mo- tor with its many distinctive basic features, its amazing responsiveness and flexibility, its smooth, silent rush of power, C. Harold Wills has given to the world a new conception of motor efficiency. And in the Wills Sainte Claire car as a whole—with its superb operative qualities, its remark- ableeaseand luxury ofriding,its rare beauty of designand finish, hehas achieved oneof the signal triumphs in the history of auto- motive engineering and design. There tw The Four Passenger Roadster The Four Passenger Coupe pom a driver’ ss ad ix ry that ‘fo Ids ul flu h whe at a wi le rear seat fa ing forward t nh us for The Wills Sainte Claire book describing the various features of the car, will be sent upon request C. H. WILLS & COMPANY Marysville, Michigan WILLS SAINTE CLAIRE The Mo-lyb-den-um Car

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CIS§OR RS, AVE Lok APA Lath The Unwise — “When I was stern parent, “I working twelve or day.” “Father,” replied the young man with the exquisitely pressed trousers, earn- estly, “I wish to heaven you wouldn't mention it. These non-union senti- ments are making you hideously un- popular.”—Town Topics (London). said the nothing of hours a your age thought fourteen Comparing Notes CocKNEY CLARA (after listening to old salt’s tale of a terrible gale that swept Shrimpton-on-Sea): Tell *im ‘ow I ’ad my ‘at blowed off the tram at ‘Ighgate, Alfred! —Windsor Magazine (London) Ducal Splendor In a movie studio in the Bronx the ducal castle. The director, shi: and perspiring, came in to give final inspection before the camer began to “shoot.” He noticed a white cuspidor near the bed. “Say,” he shouted, purpling rage, “how many times have | tell you that this is the bedroom duke? Look at the cuspidor t! that little bit of cuspidor—what want is a great big, snappy brass toon !’”—Atlanta Constitution. “He Will Learn Something The following recently appeare Chicago newspaper’s advertising umns: “Tf Wilbur Blank, who desert: wife and babe twenty years ag return, said babe will knock his off.”—American Legion Weekly. The Proper Treatment Before the fight, “Carpentier, smiling broadly, slapped Dempsey on the back.” Wish we could do to people who, smil- ing broadly, slap us on the back, what Dempsey did to Carpentier. —Looker-On (Calcutta). “And why child.” 1ultaneous sly in the United States, registered in U. S. Lire _is published every Thursday, sin Great Britain, Canada and British P Patent Office. $5.00 a year in adv Aiditional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.60 a year; to Canada, 80 cents. Single current copies, - cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and i it ustrations in LiFe are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain, apply FE rd Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, fF ssessions. itle UTUMN is all t brilliance and color at this famous resort. Joyous life in the invigo- rating mountain atmosphere. Social charm and comfort at The Homestead. Golf, tennis, horseback riding. Every variety of hydrothera- peutic treatment at the celebrated thermal establishment. fhe HOMESTEAD Christian S. Andersen, Resident Mgr. ‘Hot Springs New York Booking Office -The Ritz-Carltor CROSS-HATCHED dressed this way?” “So they will know Excelsior (Mexico). Thrice Cursed Boy! FARMER'S Boy work): Please, of our farm? Artist: It is, my boy. “Piease, Mister, why?” —Bystander (watching arti little Johnny Mister, is that a p he is our (Lond: ndon Office, Rolls nadian distributor, J. R. 7 Cana The foreign trade supplied from Lire’s L 3reams Buildings, London, E. ( Cc 386-388 St. James Street, Montreal, No contributions will be returned unless ac addressed envelope. Lire does not hold itself non-return of unsolicited contributions. Notice of change of address should reach this to the date of issue to be affected. were filming the bedroom of a duke j; To Meet the World with a Smile and a Bright Face Read Life Like a mirror reflecting one’s own image, the world gives us back very much what we put into it, and a smile carries better than a frown. T: smile easily, read LIFE with its sure laugh in every issue. Try a subscription your self for a year or Obey That Impulse, and for a trial trip avail yourself of our Special Offer Enclosed find One Dollar (Canadian $1.20, Fi reign $1 Send Lire for the next ten weeks t Open only to new subscribers; no subscriptions renewed at this rate. LIFE, 598 Madison Avenue, New York One Year $5 Canadian $5.80 Foreign $6.60

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(The regular Silent Drama department will be found on page 22) Disraeli. United Artists—George Ar- liss d company duplicate the success that this historical play achieved on the stage Perjury. Fox—A dull drama about an innocent man who goes to prison for twen- ty years, with William Farnum’s chest in the leading role. Wedding Bells. First National.—Di- vertiney comedy, with the popular Con- stance Talmadge supplying a good deal of rogu mirth. Cappy Ricks. Paramount—Thomas Meighan scowls like Dempsey and punches like mpsey in an entertaining story of the Pacific coast and points west. At the End of the World. Para- M -Betty Compson and her beaded lashes help greatly to heighten the dra- matic interest and pictorial effect of a picture that is rich in both. A Midnight Bell. First National—A good average comedy-melodrama_ which, however, is not quite up to the standard that Charles Ray has set for himself. Many scenes that are amusing, and many that are dull. Short Skirts. Universal_—A_ terribly objectionable flapper, portrayed with no small skill by Gladys Walton. The Hell Diggers. Paramount.— Wall Reid runs a dredge but doesn't do m else of interest, in a picture which tells of the conflict between a gang of gold hunters and a typical crowd of irate farm- ers Footlights. Paramount—The story of a stave-struck New England girl, who is trausformed into a notorious Russian ad venturess. Well directed by John S. Rob- ertson, and well acted by Elsie Ferguson. Wet Gold. Goldwyn—Most of the scenes are taken at the bottom of the sea, and are very interesting, if you like fish Salvation Nell. First National—A picturt ation of Edward Sheldon’s famous play which is inclined to drag at the Wrong times. The Affairs of Anatol. Paramount.— Mi st f the population of Holly wood, California, appear in this picture and most of money in the United States was expended on its production. Whether you hike it or not, you are almost certain to 1 it. (No—that is not a misprint.) The Toreador. Fox—Clyde Cook in an Ibanez setting. Everybody enjeys it but tl bull. A Trip to Paradise. Metro.—Molnar’s “Liliom” made into a movie, with Bert Lytell as the roughneck. Unrecognizable. Charge It. Equity—Clara Kimball Young gives another object lesson to fool- ish wives and equally foolish husbands. An honest effort, but not particularly ab- sorbing. For Review Next Weex.—“Serenade,” “Beyond,” “Bits of Life,’ “Passing Thru” | and “Vo Woman Knows.” | THE MERCURY TEST A famous American professional golfer employs a mercury test to make certain that the balls he selects for important matches have their centers of gravity in the center of the ball. This professional is authority for the statement that Dunlop Golf Balls show a higher percentage of accuracy than any others put to the test. Only when the center of gravity is properly placed can you expect a ball to fly straight and putt accurately. In the making of Dunlop Balls the cores are moulded round and carefully centered. Winding is done by hand because this method makes pos- sible more even tension. The shell is applied by the Dunlop vacuum process which prevents air- bubbles from forming—another assurance of evenly distributed weight. The Dunlop 162 is not only accurate but also unusually lively and durable. This new Dunlop achieved the same instant popularity on its introduction to this country a few weeks ago as it did when first placed on the British market earlier in the present season. The 162 is the finest exponent of Dunlop skill in the making of golf balls and is the leading imported ball today. The Dunlop line offers you the choice of four excellent balls: The new 162 (small size)............. $1.10 The Magnum (large size)........ ee The Durable (medium size).......... 1.10 The 29 (small size)............ amen Oe These balls are all Standard. They conform to U.S. G. A. specifications as to size and weight. DUNLOP TIRE AND RUBBER CORPORATION OF AMERICA Golf Ball Department, 17 East 42nd Street, N. Y. C.

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EGYPTIAN DEITIES “The Utmost in Cigarettes €Plain End or Cork Tp “People of culture and refinement invariably “PREFER ‘Deities to any other cigarette 25¢ boy ?” he asked. spirin Then It’s Genuine Unless you see the name “Bayer” on tablets, you are not getting gen- uine Aspirin prescribed by physi- cians for 21 years and proved safe by millions. Always say ‘Bayer.’ Aspirin is the trade mark of Bayer Manufacture of Monoaceticacidester of Salicylicacid. , “ — a Ld A Ni Dancing Continuous music. Bub- bling gayety; sparkling life. Cool, refreshing — on the roth floor of The BILTMORE —t\elll NEW YORK yea - aes ; ie Lally 4 ae UNV } va RY (- 4 / p 4 ELL-ANS By Negation A negro patrolman, recently ap- pointed, met a little brown man carry- ing a little brown jug on the “avenue.” The patrolman thumped the jug ap- praisingly with his club. It sounded “ripe.” “What you-all got there, boy?’ he asked suspiciously. “Ain’t corn, is it?” “Tain’t hay,” said the little brown man sullenly. A moment later the zealous negro patrolman was marching the little brown man with the little brown jug down the avenue. They reached the shadow of police headquarters without a word passing between them. Then the little brown man broke the silence. “Where’s this you takin’ me, big “Ain’t jail, is it?” “Tain’t church,” the patrolman snapped.—Brooklyn Eagle. Invidious Aarons had had a beautiful fire, a perfect fire. Curtains, hung ostensibly to keep dust from the shelves, had served to carry the flames right round the warehouse. Into the blackened shop stepped Umpstein, full of condolences. “A bad job, Aarons, mein friend,” he said—‘“‘a bad job.” “Bad job!” ejacu- lated Aarons. “See here, how vould you improve on it?” —Bulletin (Sydney). A Crime Preventive The New Jersey Legislature suggests that all poison tablets should be made coffin-shaped to distinguish them from medicine. There is some talk of farm- ers, in the interest of small boys, trying to grow green apples to resemble little hospital cots.—Punch. Another Good Word Gone Wrong DAUGHTER (on bathing beach): |! simply loved those sandy coves at Lyme Regis. Moruer (sharply): "ave you speaking of people in ’Melia! I won't that | vulgar way !—London Opinion. Adding Insult SocroLocy Proressor (to student): Mr. H I can’t blame you for looking at your watch while I’m lectur- | ing, but I do object to your holding it to your ear to make sure it hasn't stopped.—Chicago Tribune. Internal Testes “My father put down a disturbance last night.” “Is that right?” “Yes; he ate a Welsh rarebit.” Louisville Herald. “Whuy. not,” asks a New York paper, “put Lord Bryce in the disarmament conference?” Why not, indeed? Brit- ain can get disarmament if she has the Bryce.—Boston Transcript.

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Saye Nv ANTI - ee ne Si re) = — ¥s XY —— awFo —s - The Aristocrat of | fine Toilet Soaps a a « CUHNMUUHALLELAAAA TAAL EAL L Are You a Life Liner? OOD greeting ! Beginning with and including the first issue in September, every three months thereafter we will award a prize of one hundred dollars for the best Life Line published within that period. The members of the staff of Lire are of course barred out of this contest. That is to say, every three months in the month) we will award a prize of one hundred dollars to the author of the best Life Line published during the previous three months, the award to be made by the Editorial staff of Lure. A check will follow immediately. In the meantime, Life Lines accepted will be paid for at the rate of five dollars each, on acceptance. Try your luck. Study the Life Lines page in this issue, and you will get a good idea of the I oN SoTL a Ly ¥ =e)". i until further notice, beginning next , . ws December (the announcement to be kind of material to submit. Our motto, . Bac: made a little later than the first issue “A Laugh in Every Life Line.” ” y > | n \ ne il — a , THE RAZOR. THAI e ‘ NY . } 1} SHARPENS ITS OWN BLADES / t j n 4 . J g n SSS a At all — and department stores d A Sn’ Restraint eee 3 - ; 4 p pee & SON, wholesalers, had | S. sold a bill of goods to J. H. West, Just slip the strop A few quick strokes— through the razor the blade is keen again le chant at a little cross-roads vil- 4 n Missouri, and when the goods ' ed at the village Mr. West had d them. The wholesale firm pre- to institute suit for collection and to the railroad agent at the vil- ts lage for information about the arrival le of the merchandise, to the president of m the bank for information concerning n- the financial standing of their cus- | Sharpens itself ona Ig tomer, to the mayor of the city asking le him to recommend a good lawyer to straight leather strop their case, and to Mr. West, * tening suit if he did not make pay- | Less time is needed to sharpen this razor than to nt at once. Mr. West answered: change the blade in an ordinary safety razor. Ten J eceived the letter telling me I had seconds for a new keen edge — a smooth comfortable = better pay up. I am the railroad agent shave every day! 't at Crossings, and also received the let- | This razor sharpens its own blades on a straight at ter you wrote to the agent. I am presi- | leather strop. No knack is needed. A few quick dent and sole owner of the local bank, strokes — and you get a keen, fresh edge morning and can assure you as to my financial after morning. ' The Valet AutoStrop Razor strops, standing. As mayor of the city I hesi- | shaves and cleans without removing the blade. ): a “3 eg see Peng i pay i Save the money you spend on blades each year! “ a rings re pee ben sh oe of With this razor you are guaranteed 500 perfect shaves m ts Metical: dienes © come Olt nn from every full package of blades. Ask your razor n't to go to the devil !” , dealer to demonstrate the Valet AutoStrop Razor for you today. .| Cortez AGaRs “MADE AT KEY WEST— AutoStrop Razor CHARLES G. NORRIS’S NOVEL Silver plated razor, strop, year’s @ F () ef, B RAS S supply of blades, in compact case $ 0 ra A Novel of Marriage Strope and blades may also be bought separately. = is u ” " Read i sl |encatamwetettomesn.erente.ct Saves constant blade expense 31

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Study This Picture You don’t always know how really cheer- ful a situation is when your back is turned to it. The monkey in Mr. Sullivant’s drawing to the right is taking him- self too seriously. Most of us are not quite so bad as that, but—if you take Lire regularly, you are not likely to take yourself so seri- ously. Obey that Impulse \ % \ Special Offer Enclosed ona Une Dollar (Ca- nadian, $1.20; For- eign, $1.40). Send Lire for ten weeks to x Lk 196 . ~: Open only to new subscribers; no subscriptions renewed . at this rate. \ LIFE, 598 Madison Avenue, New York One Year, $5.00. (Canadian, $5.80; Foreign, $6.60.) \ ~ Sa =J7 Mant ~ “My distinguished and lofty position in LIFE,” remarked the Monk, “en- ables me to exert a pro- found influence over my constituents.” 32.