Life 1883-01-11: Vol 1 Iss 2

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VOLUME I. JANUARY 11, 1883. NUMBER 2. ‘ ae ‘ \ SAY ‘. ny NY ei] AVN - ‘ NYY \ N \ a4 N , ~ = Issued every Thursday a ‘Ten Cents “Copy: ublished at the Life Office - 155 Broadway — - New yor: JF Entered ati NX:Rost Office as Second Class Mail Matter- COPYRIGHT 1862 BY LAMIICHELL.

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i. ~DLAPRR Flenry Ffotre Co. PUBLISH Mitchell’s Summer School of Philosophy at Mount Desert. Twenty-four Pen and Ink Drawings, by JoHN A. MITCHELL, one of the conductors of ‘* LIFE,” 4to, $3.50. ‘* From the first page to the last itis a revel of fairy fun and mischievous grace. The wisdom taught is that of love, and the young men and maidens created by Mr. Mitchell's humorous imag- ination wander through the book under the ingenious, the saucy, the benignant tuition of the quaintest band of Cupids who ever skipped from an artist’s pencil. All the characteristics of Mount Desert—the charms of the summer sea as viewed by twos, the vigils on the piazza, the bouncing and abundant buck-board—are suffused with that delicate wit of the pencil in which Thackeray was the great, if untrained, master.”’—N. Y. Tribune. In the School and on the Road. I2mo. On Horseback: By E. L. ANDERSON. The ‘‘ New York Tribune” says of it: “ The instructions are so plain that a tyro can understand them, and so sensible that pleasure riders, for whom they are intended, will at once perceive their usefulness. Almost any genile- man who owns a moderately good mount might follow these instruc- tions with ease and comfort, and with great advantage to both him- self and his horse.” There is a chapter on ‘‘ When Ladies Ride.” $1.50. Christ’s Christianity. Being the Precepts and Doctrines recorded in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John as taught by Jesus Christ. Analysed and ar- ranged according to subjects, by ALBERT H. WALKER. 1I2mo. $1.25. ‘* The present work has been so carefully prepared that it cannot fail to be of very great value.—The Churchman. Goodholme’s Domestie Cyclopedia. $2.50. ** Many single articles are worth the price of the work, and there are few households in which the compilation, as a whole, would not have a daily usefulness.’’—The Nation. 8vo. SYMONDS’S RENAISSANCE IN ITALY. THE AGE OF THE DESPOTS. $3.50. REVIVAL OF LEARNING. $3.50. THE FINE ARTS. $3.50. ITALIAN LITERATURE, 2 vols., $7.00. In Leisure Hour Series, $1.00 each. Hardy’s Two on a Tower. Mrs. Parr’s Robin. Stevenson’s New Arabian Nights. Mrs. Alexander’s Look Before You Leap. Kinley Hollow. A New England Story. FOR SALE AT THE BOOKSTORES. “Ete A NEW ILLUSTRATED WEEKLY, Humorous, Satirical, Refined, ISSUED EVERY THURSDA Y. AN ABLE CORPS OF CONTRIBUTORS. W. L. ALDEN, Author of ‘‘ The Moral Pirates.’ W. H. BisHop, “ “The House of the Merchant Prince.” J. CHEEVER GOODWIN, ‘“‘ ‘* Evangeline.” sis ‘*Confessions of a Frivolous Girl.” ROBERT GRANT, A. A. HAYEs, " ‘*A Symposium on the Chinese Question.” a ‘* Fables Out of the World.” “An Echo of Passion.” G. T. LANIGAN, G. P. LATHROP, J. B. MATTHEWs, = ‘* French Dramatists.’ H. G, PAINE, - “* All on aSummer’s Day.’ ARTHUR PENN, i ‘* The Rhymester.” J. S., of DALE, ee ** Guerndale.” F. D. SHERMAN, ‘* Her Portrait by Sarony.” J. T. WHEELWRIGHT, ‘‘ ‘* Rollo in Cambridge.”’ ARTISTS. F, G. ATWooD. J. A. MITCHELL. CHAS. KENDRICK. GRAY PARKER, H. W. McVIcKaR, And many others. SUBSCRIPTIONS, $5 PER YEAR, POSTAGE PREPAID, IO CENTS A COPY. ADDRESS, OFFICE OF “LIF®,” 1155 BROADWAY, N. Y. CITY. FSTERBROO! SoENS PENS Leading Nos: 14, 048, 130, 333, 161. For Sale by all Stationers. THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN Co., Works, Camden, N. J, 26 John St., New York,

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eae Lan ps aa ee Sl ee aan, FSR Ae & lata ; 2 JANUARY 11, 1883. NO. 2. 1155 BROADWAY, NEw York. fs) ’ CONDUCTED BY JOHN AMES MITCHELL AND EDWARD S. MARTIN. ANDREW MILLER, Business Manager. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. CONTENTS. EDITORIAL. WHAT HAPPENED TO LORD LOVELL. THE MACAULAYFLOWER PAPERS, WHERE IT COMES FRoM, AND WAS HE RIGHT ? SOMEBODY, ‘ : Frank D. Sherman. THE SUNDAY PENAL CODE, : . A. A. Hayes. THE Facts 1N THE MCKETTRICK Case, J. T. Wheelwright. REVISED ANECDOTES, W. L. Alden. G. T. Lanigan. N answer to a query as to whether we shall touch upon Science, we would say that if we do our touch will be like that of a moistened finger ‘upon a hot flat-iron, very short and to the point, and re- maining no longer than absolutely necessary. ‘There is more science than good digestion in this country al- ready, and one of the objects of our existence is to rectify that evil. AMONG the things put into Gambetta’s coffin was a letter of invitation to his own funeral, signed by his father. Certainly, the French are a polite peo- ple. When they give an execution we wonder if it is customary with them to send a perfumed note, with R. S. V. P. in the corner, requesting the favor of the victim’s presence. rr eiatoen ‘n THE immediate cause of Gambetta’s death is said to have been a wound in the hand, received from a pistol ball fired by Mme. Leonie. ‘This woman had com- mitted the indiscretion—we believe it is thought indis- creet, even in France—of leaving her husband in order to live with M. Gambetta, with whom she maintained relations for eleven years, being at last publicly known as the head of his house. Her husband died in due course, and then she expected marriage from her lover. But, it is said, that he, being a very ambitious man, and recognizing that such a marriage was not adapted to further his schemes of advancement, declined to recognize Mme. Leonie’s claims, and even contemplated a different alliance. His mistress quarrelled with him, and in a fit of jealous anger, drew a pistol. He seized her arm, and was shot through the hand. The wound was not in itself a very serious one, but his health was in such a state that it produced his death. The details of this story may or may not be true, but they do not appear improbable. When Gambetta concluded that on general principles it would not pay to marry Madame Leonie, he showed the same nice perception of the line between theory and practice that had made him famous in other situations. But he did not show it quick enough. It came to him about eleven years too late. In affairs of this nature, an ounce of previousness is worth a ton of afterthought. And the moral of this tale is that it is questionable policy to cultivate an irrepressible affection for another gentleman’s wife. But Mr. Frederic Gebhardt does not seem to think so. He has written to the press a letter which, while not less creditable to him in orthography than in sentiment, does not lead us to form so high an opinion of his judgment as of his heart. Mr. Gebhardt complains of the im- pertinent comments of newspapers upon his attentions to Mrs. Langtry, which, he says, are such as any gen- tleman should, without comment, be privileged to pay to any lady.

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14 Justice is blind, but we question if it is justice that has upset Mr. Gebhardt’s ideas of decorum. For, cer- tainly, as to the handsome Englishwoman, his head is not what is termed level. Mrs. Langtry is here in a public capacity, which subjects her conduct to minute scrutiny. If Mr. Gebhardt so identifies himself with her as to share the publicity which she enjoys, he has no one to blame but himself. What Mr. Gebhardt ought to do is to turn his notor- iety to some account. Not since Oscar Wilde has any young man been so thoroughly advertised, In Mr. Bunnell’s interesting collection of living curiosities we have no doubt a salaried position would be offered him: Or he might lecture. But the difficulty is that the young ger.tleman is a sort of Fortunatus, and has no need—we understand—to earn more money. Some- thing must be done for him. If Othello felt depressed because his occupation was gone, how much worse must be the feelings of a man who has never had any occupation. Why should not. Mr. Gebhardt turn his mind to literature and write for Lire. With some practice in composition he would be able to get even with all the newspaper men who have criticised him. We shall be happy to place a corner of this paper at his disposal for St. Valentine’s Day. THE pastor of the Pigeon Creek Presbyterian Church, of Nothingham, Penn., has undertaken to discipline his flock for dancing. ‘They have been at it, heel and toe, and he has suspended them from the enjoyment of religious privileges, and threatens excommunication. It may seem absurd to interfere with the diversions of the country brethren and sisters, while city Presby- terians are debarred neither the waltz, nor the still more unsanctified polka, nor yet the pleasing terrapin and champagne which punctuates the dancing. But there is a reason for thus discriminating. Dancing in the country is attended with no distress- ing circumstances sufficiently palpable to be a check upon the sport. People go early to the balls, dance till they are tired and come home betimes. The amuse- ment is so innocent and wholesome that there is dan- ger that it would be carried to excess if now and then a Presbyterian clergyman did not fall afoul of it. But in town the conditions are quite different. The parties do not begin until very nearly midnight, and continue so late that persons who participate in them either lose their proper complement of sleep, or fail to appear until noon of the following day. The objections to dancing under these conditions are so self-evident, and the disastrous results which fol- low are so readily traced to their source, that Metro- politan clergymen, whatever their notions of the pro- priety of the sport, have long felt it needless to de- claim against it. Efforts have been made, we believe, this season to make social amenities less hazardous in New York by having parties begin earlier. But it will be loug, we fear, before the most earnest reformers will make pro- gress enough to do any harm. LIFE - WHAT IS SAID OF US. THERE is a chance for LIFE, a new and not too humorous weekly paper, conducted by John A. Mitchell and Edward S. Martin. It turns a bright, attractive countenance toward the intending purchaser. It fills him up with reasonable fun, sensi- ble comment, clever verses, and still cleverer pictures. LIFE, we take it, is to be made on the lives of the smartest of the col- lege periodicals; and there is a fair opportunity in the bigger world for the sort of wit that has been developed into distinct in- dividuality by certain alert young men at Cambridge and else- where, But we find nothing amateurish about the newcomer; it seems to have been born grown up; it is workmanlike in every part. It is fresh, vigorous, gentlemanly, genial, and satisfying. We commend it to at least fifty thousand readers in this town.— The Sun, LIFE is the title of a new weekly devoted to fun, persiflage and sarcastic illustrations of passing events, which its conductors, Messrs. John Ames Mitchell and Edward S, Martin, announce has ‘‘ come to stay.’’ There is room for it, and the first number is full of artistic and literary promise.—V. Y. [Vorid, ‘* LIFE is Glorious."—A Woman of Fudgment. A NEW WEEKLY PAPER. A BRIGHT and crisp little sixteen-page paper, called LIFE, has just made its appearance in this city. If the first number is a forerunner of what is to follow, the reader will not fall asleep over its pages. It numbers among its contributors some well- known “itterateurs of this city, In addition to the reading matter there are some very creditable illustrations. — The Graphic. LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE. A NEW weekly paper made its appearance on Thursday, and started well on a prospective course of fun and philosophy. It is pretty and bright in appearance, of convenient size and neat shape, well and clearly printed, and adorned with cuts which are so tar ahead of those in other publications of its sort that they seem works of high art. In verse, comment on current affairs, wit and theatrical and social matters, it gives promise of unusual bril- liancy and cleverness.—Wai/ and Express. WHAT HAPPENED TO LORD LOVELL. ORD LOVELL he stood at his cwn front door, Seeking the hole for the key ; His hat was wrecked and his trowsers bore A split across either knee : When down came beauteous Lady Jane In fair white draperee. = O, where have you been, Lord Lovell ?” she said, “Where have you been ?” said she. ‘*T have not closed an eye in bed, And the clock has just struck three. Who has been standing you on your head In an ash-barrel, perdee ?” ‘*T am not drunk, Lady Shane,” he said ; ‘* And so late it cannot be. The clock struck one as I enter-ed ; I-heard it two times or three.* It must be, the salmon on which I fed Has been too many for me.” “ Tt was not the salmon, Lord Lovell,” she said, With some asperitee. ‘* You have looked on the wine when it was red, x—. OL ag ee Pe pee ee Pe OS hs ee ae ee ee ee en mse ee

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ISAs ate a elaine aes eT ae 4 dog hs > i eae: og 4 i" | oy. Se gi Ke wa Ls an aie NOT A HOMCEOPATHIC DOSE. Mrs. Stone: IT WAS TAKEN WHEN I WAS EIGHTEEN, DocToR; BUT, ALAS! I HAVE CHANGED SINCE THEN. Dr. Littlebat (who never allows a wealthy patient to Fm in shallow waters CHANGED! YES, BUT HOW IMPROVED ! _Eicut EEN IS SUCH A LANKY AGE, Or on the eau-de-vie. ‘* Most pitiably were my trowsers shred,— O, woe is me that I ever wed Lo! View them at the knee! A man who goes on a spree !” And I lay in the puddle like one gone dead “ You are wrong, my dear,” Lord Lovell he said, Till officer 5-4-3 ; As he had a bright idee. Happened along and rescued ‘*T know in the papers you must have read Me from my miseree. Of the Steam Heat Companee, ‘*Go tell your tale, Lord Lovell,” she said, Whose pipes beneath the streets are led— “To the maritime cavalree ; Thash whash the mar’r with me! To your grandam of the hoary head ; “ Along the street as I swiftly sped, To any one but me. Eager for home and thee,’ The door is not used to be open-éd A pipe beneath me exploded, With a cigarette for a key!” Most unexpectedlee. My eyes were blacked, and my nose it bled— A plague on that Companee ! repeat this venerable fiction, * His condition may be premised from his having assurance enough to

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16 *LIPre - THE MACAULAYFLOWER PAPERS. A History oF OuR Own TIMEs. CHAPTER II. EFORE proceeding with the political history, let us for a moment glance at the social construction of the America of the Nineteenth century. Here we are be- set with a difficulty at the start, that of repicturing with any degree of certain- ty the moral state of the people. We can generally predicate pretty closely the manners and character of an ancient race from their literature and drama. But there is no evidence (except the satires of a certain Talmage, which is wholly inadequate) to show that the Americans of the Nineteenth century had any drama If we turn to literature we are equally at a loss. The mystic and imaginative James gives us the sub- jective impression which the impulse of a hypothet- ical being to inchoate action would or might contin- gently have produced upon its own and the popular mind; he tells us how people struck each other (that is, mentally, not literally), but he never tells us any- thing that people did. Moreover, it is difficult to conceive that the men whose statues as- sault us from behind every corner, the men who fought the Civil War, the men who per- petrated the moenad lines of Whitman and the New York Post Office building were in fact so weak and ir- resolute as James has made them out. Fur- thermore, there is con- siderable doubt wheth- er James was an Ameri- canatall If tradition tells that nine cities claim to be Homer's birthplace, we ourselves have seen one hundred in Europe, claiming to have been the place of residence of Henry James. When we turn to another popular author of the time—the flamboyant and epic Howells—we meet another difficulty. The licentiousness of his works is such that if, as is claimed, they were once openly dis- played upon parlor tables, we can draw but a gloomy and thirteen towns, all - inference as to the morals of our grandmothers. There is one book in particular where the hero,in all the sanc- tity of the domestic fireside, gives himself over to the unbridled consumption of Tivoli beer, offering none to his wife. We may even endure this person; he had one amiable weakness—he could not shoot straight, and perished miserably in Arizona for want of a “ draw.” But, with every allowance made for heroic fiction,what shall we say of Halleck—a villain before whose de- signing arts the very Heathcliffs of fiction seem as little children—how excuse the Saturnalia of passion with which the book closes ? However, we hold there is an escape from the sad conclusion forced upon us by the literature of this century. We concur with our great critic, Whitman, in his judgment that James was probably an Italian Jew (a race notoriously mystic and subjective), and that Howells’s writings were meant only as /facetia, to be locked in secret shelves in the libraries of the curious. We are inclined to turn to Oliver Optic as the true exponent of the times in which he wrote. Here, in deed, we find, even in his youth- ful heroes, that manly self-confi- dence of mascu- line character; that glorious in- dependence,com- bined with true feminine suscep- tibility, in his girls; and in the boy-lover, aspir- ing to the heir- ess’s hand, that fine commercial instinct which has made Wabasha what it is. Some will perhaps object that no one ever was so sagacious as Optic’s clever urchins seemed—but what of this? Is it not the true romantic glamour of a master of fiction? Optic has but put his action in that fine light of imagi- nation which Wordsworth so well described, and the master hand of Bierstadt so cunningly painted—the light which never was on land nor sea. A younc father returning home oneevening found his young wife with the baby in her lap, and surrounded by fragments of crockery. He picked up the handle of a cup and said, “So the baby has broken a teacup of the new set.” “ There is no harm done,” answered the young wife; “he has broken the saucer too.” I crossep,” said Mrs. Malaprop, “on the White Star steamer Rheumatic and returned on the Dys- peptic.” “Oh,” replied Mrs. Partington, “we went by the Pneumonia and came back on the WVeuralgia.” eee Re Ss tated heen =e [SES ae

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oo adel BRS Sabie: Teak hee 3 | NW) i ——— Wh; We Y] LL i E NOT A “MAUVAIS QUART D'HEURE.” Impecunious professional man looking at neu ly received Dentist’s bill: Wuew! I say BUSWELL, THE BEGGAR CHARGES TEN DOLLARS AN HOUR FOR TORTURING ME. I wisH I COULD GET THAT FOR MY SERVICES. Buswell: I po. Imp. prof. man (with incredulity in every feature) : THOUGH ? Buswell ; CERTAINLY, BUT THEN YOU SEE I ONLY WORK A QUAR- TER OF AN HOUR A DAY. ee s No! po you, SLow rises Poverty by Worth oppressed. GODLINESsS without contentment is great pain. AN esteemed contemporary asserts that there are no classes in America. True: And the Family Circle Dancing Class is only the exception that proves the rule. . A powN town photographer who evidently has not the fear of Cerberus before his eyes, advertises “ Photographs of deceased persons taken at their residence.” * 17 WHERE IT COMES FROM. [* appears that the astronomers were all mis- taken about the comet. In- stead of being a rapid transit comet that will return in four or five =months and fall into the stn; 1t is a long-distance comet that will not reappear to us in more than seven hundred and fifty years, by which time every human being now living, except a few coachmen of Jeffer- son Davis, and Oldest Living Freemasons, will be safely dead. This is very en- couraging, especially since Mr. Ignatius Donelly has just published a book in which he endeavors to prove that comets are very dangerous, and that more than once the earth has been severely in- jured by coming in contact with a comet. Mr. Donelly’s book is certainly a very ingenious one. He bases his argument in support of the theory that the earth has been struck by comets upon the fact of the existence of the “ drift.” In vari- ous parts of the earth are found immense deposits of gravel and sand, called by the geologists “ drift.” - The geologists have various theories for accounting for the existence of these deposits, all of which theories Mr. Donelly examines and proves to be false—at least to his own Satisfaction. He then proceeds to show that the drift is nothing more or less than fragments of comets’ tails. These tails, astronomers tell us, are com- posed of myriads of small bodies that are constantly grinding against one an- other. Where the tail appears thickest it is composed of pebbies, and where it appears thin towards its extremity, it is composed of sand. The earth has from time to time passed through the tails of comets, and vast quantities of gravel and sand have rained down upon the earth’s surface, thus forming the drift deposits. This is a very nice theory. In fact it is one of the most interesting theories —next to Mr. Pickwick’s theory of Tittlebats—that has ever been invented. The only trouble with it is that it is too large. It is a great deal larger than the problem which it undertakes to explain.

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— RE, we eter ee AA a AG BD A a el aD 18 >. ae: * Now, a theory should always fit its subject. If it is too little to explain it satisfactorily, or so large that it explains it too much, it is a failure. Mr. Donelly’s theory is far too large, for the origin of the “ drift” can be explained with half the trouble and not a third of the expense which his use of comets’ tails involves. Everybody has noticed that people who visit the seashore inva- riably bring home with them quantities of pebbles. The pebbles of the sea-beach when wet are of many hues and much beau- ty. Children and women are always attract- ed by them. Children on visiting the sea- shore are nearly always Suppli- ed with little wooden or tin pails which are always brought home full of pebbles, in ad- dition to the pebbles with which the grown-up peo- ple are laden. Vast quanti- ties of sand are also. brought home from the sea side. This sand is brought in the shoes of children and adults, in the hair and the in- terstices of in- fantile cloth- ing, and in the lunch _ baskets of older people. The sand and pebbles thus brought home are thrown Faint on his lips a sigh expired: 2 He said, “ Dear Heart, you-make-me tired . Not for the perfume of the rose Would I live near to where it grows; If not for me the bud has blown, I'd rather leave the flower alone. Who by the bush sits — forlorn © feel the thorn,” Is only fit t D ekd. away sooner or later, and new drift deposits are in this’ way constantly forming all over the continent. From the fifteenth of June to the fifteenth of Sep- tember, fully 1,500,000 people from New York meet the different sea breezes of Long Island and New Jersey. Nowa very moderate estimate of the quantity of pebbles brought back, is a pint for each person; and a pint and a half of sand is rather less than the average amount brought by each one; so that 750,000 quarts of pebbles and 1,125,000 quarts of sand are annually brought into New York city alone. But New York is only one town of many. We should doubtless be per- fectly safe in estimating that there are brought from the seashore every year, on the Atlantic slope alone, enough pebbles and sand to cover a tract of fifty square acres to a uni- : form depth of tm Ye a foot and sev- - nat en and a half AND WAS HE RIGHT. inches. Here we have the average of the drift depos- its, without making any use of Mr. Donel- ly’s theory. The Be drift deposits in ees Soruipr tee cai oe aha the interior of As I'll be to you whenever we meet! the continent And in my house there’ll be a seat were undoubt- Where you can sit and warm your feet, And your contentment shall be complete. edly very old, She said. . and were Come! Isn't it a divine conceit?” brought from the seashore gS li perhaps mil- e yi lions of years 3 ago, where the sea covered the whole of the re- gion now cov- ered by prai- ries. Of course the people who lived at that period went to the seashore, and of course they brought back with them sand and peb- bles. At the rate at which drift is now forming in New York and its vicinity, the whole city will be buried out of sight in less than eighty years, and the only thing that can possibly save us will be some slight increase of prices on the part of the Coney Island restaurant people, which will prevent every body who is nota millionaire from visiting the sea beach. “[™M going to marry—not you,” she said, } “But a better fellow in your stead. You're not so bad—not bad at all; I'd like to keep you within my call, But not to take you for good and all. A wRONG Larfe that needs turning (out). The Park Commissioner. ele ee Pees 2" he Spas on hse & ptotte iy aah ane es

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| | _- — ae PE ET EST Se ie oh can CATT ; i 20 -LIFE- SOMEBODY. / \\\ AAS: \ | HAVE seen you once or twice ; Ay I have seen— \n Like an image carved in ice,— You a queen, Draped in satin, stately statue ; Dazzling diamonds that scratch you Just between Neck of rose and hair of gold, Like twin stars, I have called them lovers old,— Venus, Mars ; One gives kisses and caresses, One your shapely neck distresses Warrior-like. Excuse my guesses ! Love unbars All the barriers that stay Cupid’s speed, And he gallops fast away On the steed Of extravagant emotion,— Of delight and fond devotion. Pleasure’s boat pays Duty’s ocean Little heed. II. I have seen you, dainty,—fair, Foot the dance And I’ve longed to leap and catch you. Like some spirit of the air,— Gay Romance ! Pert, perhaps,—a princess haughty, When he asked to kiss you,—ought he? And I noticed something naughty In your glance. Is it strange I stole a look, Queen of girls, When the merry laughter shook Yellow curls— Sunlit ripples down your shoulder? If you’d been a summer older,— If I’d been a button bolder,— Giddy whirls Would have wound you in my grasp Firm and tight ; I'd have felt. your fingers clasp,— Slender, slight. Would your countless conquests miss you In a space as short as this? You Might have let a me, me kiss you Just good-night. Ii ie het Gar Baan II. But my fancies are in vain, Beauty’s child ! Like the frostwork onthe pane, Wierd and wild, Fragile, fanciful, fantastic,— Jewelled feats of frost gymnastic, You are sweet, anon sarcastic,— Mad, and mild; Yet it matters not to me, I can find Only loveliness ; can see Deep behind All these masks of mirths or hushes,— All the soft, exquisite blushes, And a warm affection gushes Through my mind. You're a strange, uncertain sea— I’m the skiff ; You're a pipe of peace for me— I’m the whiff. See the smoke of adoration ! Smell the fragrant incantation ! Yet ’tis all anticipation Hung on “ If.” IV. Reader, listen to my rhyme,— "Tis about One I worship ; say that I’m Daft,—devout ; But remember love will whistle In the ears of rose or thistle. Which one hears my brief epistle ?— There’s the doubt ! RL aeehee 2

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ae ae AB Re THE SUNDAY PENAL CODE.

A SYMPOSIUM.

[The writers of the following essays will be recognized as eminent experts. Their treatment of the subject is calculated to add to their reputation.—Eb. ]

I WOULDN'T be writing about the thing but, I’d loike to say a wurrud on me own account. Oi’m an Irishman, sorr, and a public character, sorr, and if the two togither, lave alone the one or the other, isn’t to be rispicted in New York, phwat the divil is to become of the counthry ? Now, sorr, I rose in me place in the Board of Aldermen, andI read out me spache (made up for me by as dacint a young gintleman as ye iver see, who, I’m tould, comes from Thrinity College, Dublin). There was two points in me spache, sorr, that covers the enthire mat- ther of the thaving, ondacint business of closing up the places where a man could get a sup and ashmoke of aSunday. There was Magna Charta, sorr. I’m tould that this was asort of a risolution passed in the toime of the Irish Kings (me ancesthors, sorr), and sayingthat the poor man should have his whiskey of a Sunday, especially if he was the consti- thuent of an Irish Alderman, and the same was himself in the liquor business. Then, sorr, ye’ll not forget me deloight that the next Ligislature was fortunately Dim- ocratic; for, begorra,whin an Irishman wants anything, it’s a Dimocratic Ligislature that’s the boys to give him it. Shure, sorr, betwanethim and the Aldermen, we'll have a new Magna Charta; and as for the codes, or whativer ye call ’em, that would kape a man from doing what he loiked of a Sunday, why we'll thrate ’em as me frind Mr. Rossa will thrate the British toirant— doinamite ’em, sorr, dotnamite ’em.

PATRICK DUFFER. Alderman of the Irish Republic (New York.)

II. [We translate some obscure Mongolian expressions.—ED. | That Zzfee newspaper man you chin chin mi (ask me to) w'litee some ting long (about) that Sunday shuttee shop pidgin (closing business). *LIFs <

21 Melican man talkee one day wantchee chin chin (Joss worship) talkee mussee (must) shuttee shop. Mi talkee “alla litee”’ (all right) mi shuttee shop, inside makee washee washee alla same before. Mi thinkee Melican man no talkee t’lue (truly). He alla same foolo. What for so fashion ? llishman makee sel- lunr samshoo (liquor seller). That Ilish- man no chin chin Joss. That shop had got outside door shut- tee alla p’loppa ; ’no- der side hab_ got smallo door open. He go inside catchee (get) plenty samshoo, come mi shop, lickee mi alla same before. So fashion how can do? Mi blong you numbah one good flea’, alla same you young b’lother.

AH SAM, China Wash- Man, No. — Mutt Street.

III. Vell, mein vriend, I haf leetel got to say. Mein bardner he dell me I better don’t write one vord, but I say yah, I vill yust a leetel spheak about dat law vich dey call de Gode, vich say dat we must on the virst day of de veek no pusiness do—not one goat or bair of drowsers sell. Vell, I dell you vot it ish—I ogsplain to de public. Ven I haf dat law understhand und de bolice dell me I can nicht dot schop on de Sun- day open, I feel very pad, I say 1 blenty pusiness lose, und on Monday I go to de yudge und get an in- yunction und serve him on dat boss of de bolice. Und he say “ Das ish allrecht und Iam glad you get him,” und de next Sunday de bolice do not near mein shop gome und I do goot pusiness. Dot oder American und Eng- lish glothing man he say to me “How ths dish?” und I say dot I do not meinself de Gode make, but I got no fault to vind mit him. Dot yudge got a lefel head on him, und he say dot I geep de Saturday, und I must nottwo days inde veek lose. Das is all recht. I say to meinself dot I alvays one maxim brac- tice, und dot is to do in Rome as de Romans do, I

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\ \ i \ \ - ith 4 WM Cty i | | \ bey y y BQ AML Yi WN Capp zeat tins ly A DISTINCTION. Lucy : UNCLE FRED, is NEw YorK A HIGH LATITUDE? Uncle Fred.: NO, 1 SHOULD SAY NOT, ALTHOUGH IT IS A HIGH OLD PLACE AND THERE IS LOTS OF LATI- TUDE THERE. must not on de Saturday mein good gustomers disap- point, so I sell him de goat und de drowsers ven he him vant. Und I dell mein pardner yust vot de leetel poys in de Powery say, dot it vas a varm day ven I get cold. IsAAC ROSENSHIMMER, No. Chatham Street. IV. I ain’t much on the wr'te, but I haven’t been ’round the streets of New York ten years for nothing, and what I don’t know about Codes ain’t worth knowing. This ere code’s just ridi- culous, anyhow. Lots of men would like to shut up or not work Sundays, but if any one does it, all of em in that line must, or they get left. You’ve got to treat ’em all alike. Then what in thunder’s the sense in a man up-town getting his ice cream easy on Sunday, and a poor devil on the East side having to skulk home dodging the cop with a drink of milk for a sick baby? Such foolish- ness can’t last. People pitch into the police, as if they’d anything to do but mind the cap’s orders. Isee a man sweeping the snow off his steps last Sunday, and I told him I’d run him in, and he up and tells me he’d been warned that he’d be took up for letting the snow stay. “Young feller,” says I, “ You’re too fresh and I'll run you in for that too.” I ain’t judge and jury and assembly- man and all. As the soldier told the officer who was sitting on him for getting drunk, “you can’t expect all the cardinal virtues for thirteen dollars a month.” Now I’ve got one more word to say. A code that ain’t enforced all ’round is worse than no code at all ; and for them that’s responsible for things as they are now, there’s just one plan that’s fit, and that’s Bloom- ingdale—and don’t you forget tt !” Joun Situ, Patrolman — Precinct.

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tad oi ee THE FACTS IN THE McKETTRICK CASE. OME few weeks ago, the Associated Press sent out the fol- lowing despatch: ‘* INDEPENDENCE CiTy, Ono, Dec. 10, 1882.—Palmer M. McKettrick, Cashier of the Spread Eagle National Bank, has gone to parts unknown. Reported deficit in his account $100- 090. McKettrick did not superintend a Sunday School.” Except for the last sentence this announcement would have been no more startling than the weather reports, but its paradoxical char- acter excited intense public interest. From a psychological standpoint» the facts in this case are remarkable. Mr. McKettrick lived in a New England town up to the year 1880. From his youth up he had been conspicuously pious, and at Sabbath- school bore away many prizes for excellent de- portment. He was a constant attendant at church and at meetings; and regarded the theatre and round dances with unaffected horror. His clothes were invariably black and badly cut, and for a necktie he never wore anything more frivolous than a black butterfly cravat. In fact, McKettrick was such a model of decorum, that he could obtain no situa- ty NY) AN SAE NE t NS ui Sg tion of trust or respon- sibility. He had a natural leaning to- wards the banking business, and sought employment at the local bank; but its di- rectors would not have him, for they had lately trusted implicit- ly to a deacon, whose silver hair is now kept closely cut at the State’s expense. His recommendations were too abundant, and his reputation for vital piety too great. In this awkward position, finding that he had no chance of success at home, he bade farewell to his native town to seek a fortune in the wide, wide world, - RFE - 23 He appeared next in the lobby of the hotel at Independence City, dressed in a chain-lightning plaid suit, a vivid purple cravat and a white top hat, adorned with a Bowery weei. Entering the hotel he tossed his gripsack across the counter and took the short cut to the bar-room, where he invited ail present to liquor up. The boys cheerfully rallied to honor his proposal, but were struck somewhat aghast when McKettrick poured out for himself three- fingers of brandy which he sprinkled with cayenne pepper, in order, as he expressed it, to make it take hold. In the course of the afternoonhe acquired such ascendency over his associates as to make them receive with acclamations his proposal that at night- fall they would break the memorial stained-glass windows in the new Baptist church. When Mr. McKettrick applied for a situation at the bank, the Directors removed their aged cashier and installed the impetuous iconoclast inhis place. Such a man was not to be had every day, and they felt it. There began McKettrick’s life of hideous hypocrisy; when, beneath a mask of worldiness and dissipation, he concealed his real nature, and passed on to fortune. On Sunday evenings, when he longed to be at meeting, the need of maintaining his false position compelled him to play draw poker with the Bank Directors, and it is but justice to remark that he played ex- ceedingly well. Wine made his head ache and cigars shatter- ed his nervous system, but he indulged in them manful- ly. To joinin round dances was opposed to all his training and abhorrent to his nature, but at the cof- fee parties there was no more agile foot than McKettrick’s, no arms more hospitable at the fireman’s ball.. It was odious to him to wear a purple cravat, and he would often shudder as he hung up his plaid suit at night. But when he thought of the sagacious manner in which he was arranging the bank’s accounts a pleased expression would come over his face, and he would even smile. The directors were delighted with him, The'town rang with praises of his frank, outspoken manners, and his freedom from cant. One evening a belated reveller saw a very respectable looking man, dressed in sober black, and with a heavy carpet bag, take the midnight train East. He told his friends that it was McKettrick, but his friends replied, ‘‘Go to. You have been out with the boys.’’ But the next morning the bank directors discovered. that that institution no longer required the services of a cashier, as the popular Mr. Kettrick had taken all the cash with him to Brazil, which empire has a defective extradition treaty with the United

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f See a nae — re SOT owen

States. Pale-lipped citizens of Independence City ask each other *‘ Whom can we trust now?” The bank isin the hands of a Receiver.

REVISED ANECDOTES. MAHOMET AND THE MOUNTAIN.

HE prophet Mahomet, having engaged in some conscientious practical researches into the nature of intoxicating beverages, in order to decide whether or not their use should be permitted to orthodox Mus- sulmans, felt a strong desire to go to a neighboring mountain, and sleep it off in a cool and shady glen. His legs, however, refusing their office, the Prophet philosophically lay down on the side-walk, with the remark, “If Mahomet ishn’t able to go to the moun- tain, becaush mountain goes round and round, Ma- homet had better lie down and let the mountain come to him.” Upon re- covering, the Prophet put on his favorite night-cap made of the hair of the dog that had bitten him, and composed the well- known chapter of the Koran entitled, “ The Snakes,’ in which the use of wine is forbidden to all true be- lievers.

McPherson, thinking he recognized his Brother-in- Law in front of him, has just muttered in the stranger's ear, “I SHOULD KNOW YOU WERE AN IDIOT FROM THE SHAPE OF YOUR HEAD.” BALLIOL AND THE ANT. ‘THE Scottish patriot Balliol, having concealed him- self in a cave, the better to study the natural history of some of King Edward’s men-at-arms and royal bloodhounds, became interested in the move- ments of an ant which had secured a grain of corn much larger than itself, and was endeavoring to con- vey its prize to the nest. Sixty and nine times the lit- tle insect failedin its arduous task, but so far from being discouraged it attempted it yet a seventieth time, and failed again. “I see,” said Balliol to himself, “that people can spare themselves a great deal of bother by finding out early in the day what it is they can’t do,” and hastening to Berwick he made his sub- mission to King Edward, by whom he was loaded with honors and chains. (A garbled version of this anec- dote is told of Bruce, but both stories repose on the manifestly absurd theory that the canny Scot would have wasted his time watching the ant when he might just as well have taken the grain of corn.) G. T. L. THE petroleum brokers know how the Forty Spec- ulators felt when Ali Baba’s slave unloaded some oil upon them. ingen So: cst Ca St

bins Shniyg SSG gene

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* 4 a mH a + q ot lpg 3 01 MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY OF NEW YORK. F.S. WINSTON, President. No. 144 BROADWAY, New YOrRK. * For hym was levere have at his beddes heed Twenty bookes. clad in blak or reed, Than 1 obes riche or fithele or gay sautrie.” COLLEGE CUTS. SECOND EDITION NEARLY EXHAUSTED. A collection of humorous and well-drawn sketches by HERzoG, MCVICKAR and others, illustrative of amusing episodes in College and Society Life. ‘“*Punch has never presented a better series of small cartoons, and the text is better than the average of our friend across the water. ””_ Washington Gazette. Tastefully bound 5 : : , : ; $1.75. An exquisite little edition of The Poems of Charlotte Bronte, clear type, wide margins, wholly uncut edges. Cloth, novel design in silver or limp vellum, design in blue, $1.00. WAYSIDE FLOWERS. Poems of flowers by Longfellow, Whittier, Stedman, Trowbridge and others, with eight colored plates, by Miss Emmet. Floral covers, tied with ribbon, $1.7 To be had of any bookseller, or will be mailed at our expense to any a on receipt of the advertised price. WHITE & STOKES, Publishers, NEW YORK. LIFE A rtistic Presents. MEssrs. M. KNOEDLER & CO. invite attention to their fine collection of Modern Oil Paintings, Water Color Drawings, Engravings, and other art products suitable for Holiday pre- sents. The list of paintings comprises the works of all the best known artists of the day. GouPIL GALLERY, 170 5th Ave Cor. of 22d St. OPEN EVENINGS. POLLOCK & BIXBY, BANKERS AND BROKERS, No. 25 NASSAU-ST., N. Y. All issues Of Government Securities, Bank Shares, Railway Stocks and Bonds bought and sold on commission or carried on a margin. Special attention given to investments. Interest allow- ed on deposits. WILLIAM POLLOCK, Member of N. Y. Stock Exchange. ANDREW J. BIXBY. CAVANAGH, SANDFORD & CO., Merchant Tailors & Importers, 16 West 23d STREET, Opposite 5th Ave. Hotel. NEw YorRK. All the latest London fabrics regularly imported. A. G. HEMINWAY. TRUMAN A, HEMINWayY. A. G. HEMINWAY & CoO., BANKERS AND BROKERS, 11 Wall Street, a New York. ‘* Not that we think us worthy such a guest,” ‘* But that your worth will dignify our feast.” ‘““ Common Sense” Lunch Room, 135 BRoapway (cor. Cedar St.), * JAMES P. WHEDON, Manager.

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SS i. - LIFE - Henry Hotre Co. HAVE READY | Mitchell’s Summer School of Philosophy at | Mount Desert. | | Twenty-four Pen and Ink Drawings, by JoHN A. MITCHELL, | one of the conductors of ‘‘ LIFE,” 4to, $3.50. “There are no dry-as-dust essays, no fine-spun disquisitions in | ‘The Summer School of Philosophy at Mount Desert.’ From | the first page to the last it is a revel of fairy fun and mis- | chievous grace. The wisdom taught is that of love, and the | young men and maidens created by Mr. }. A. Mitchell's humorous imagination wander through the book under the ingenious, the | saucy, the benignant tuition of the quaintest band of cupids whoever skipped from an artist’s pencil. All the characteristics of Mount | Desert—the charms of the summer sea as viewed by twos, the | vigils on the piazza, the bouncing and abundant buck-board—are | suffused with that delicate wit of the pencil in which Thackeray | was the great, if untrained, master. Mr. Mitchell is the young | Bostonian who several years ago left architecture for the painter's | easel, and whose pictures have had success in Paris.”—N. Y. | Tribune. WALKER’S (Francis A.) POLITICAL ECONOMY. By Francis A. WALKER, President of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, late Superintendent of the Census. (Vol. V. of The American Science Series.) 8vo., $2.25. President Walker's economical works on ‘‘ The Wages Question” and on “Money,” not to speak of his great statistical Atlas of the | United States, have given him a prominent position on both sides of the Atlantic. In contributing the present work to the ‘‘Ameri- can Science Series,” he brings to bear not only the powers shown in his former writings, but the experience of many years as teacherof political economy in the chair he occupied at Yale before accepting the presidency of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. LYRICAL AND DRAMATIC POEMS, Selected from the works of ROBERT BROWNING. | Edited by Epwarp T. Mason. Lg. 12mo. TEN BRINK’S “EARLY ENGLISH LIT- ERATURE (to Wiclif). Translated by Prof. H. M. KENNEDY, 12mo., $2.25. | In the Series of LIVES OF AMERICAN WORTHIES. 16mo., $1.25 each. LIFE OF WILLIAM PENN. By Rosert J. | BURDETTE. LIFE OT CAPTAIN JOHN SMITH. By CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER. LIFE OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS. By W. L. ALDEN. Despite the humorous character of the books, the truth of history | is adhered to. FOR SALE AT THE BOOKSTORES. COMMENTS OF THE PRESS. [The Sun.] THERE is a chance for LIFE, a new and not too humorous weekly paper, conducted by John A. Mitchell and Edward S. Martin. It turns a bright, attractive countenance toward the intending pur- chaser. It fills him up with reasonable fun, sensible comment, clever verses, and still cleverer pictures. LIFE, we take it, is to be made on the lives of the smartest of the college periodidicals ; and there is a fair opportunity in the bigger world for the sort of wit that has been developed into distinct individuality by certain alert young men at Cambridge and elsewhere. But we find nothing amateurish about the newcomer ; it seems to have been born grown up; it is workman- like in every part. It is fresh, vigorous, gentlemanly, genial and satis- fying. We commend it to at least fifty thousand readers in this town. [¥Y. Y. World.] LIFE is the title of a new weekly devoted to fun, persiflage and sarcastic illustrations of passing events, which its conductors, Messrs. John Ames Mitchell and Edward S. Martin, announce has “‘ come to | stay.” There is room for it, and the first number is full of artistic and literary promise. [Zhe Graphic.] A BRIGHT and crisp little sixteen-page paper, called Lire, has just made its appearance in this city. If the first number is a forerunner of what is to follow, the reader will not fall asleep over its pages. It numbers among its contributors some well-known /itterateurs of this | city. In addition to the reading matter there are some very creditable illustrations. [Mail and Express.} A NEw weekly paper made its appearance on Thursday, and started well on a prospective course of fun and philosophy. It is pretty and bright in appearance, of convenient size and neat shape, well and clearly printed, and adorned with cuts which are so far ahead of those in other publications of its sort that they seem works of high art. In verse, comment on current affairs, wit and theatrical and social mat- ters, it gives promise of unusual brilliancy and cleverness. [Buffalo Express, Jan. 9.] .~New Yorxk’s new “ funny paper,” LIFE, has made its first appear- ance with a show of contents that speaks well for its future claims on the attention of the reading world. * ey command al- ready the pens of some of the best known humorists, such as C. T. | Lanigan, W. L. Alden, G. P. Lathrop and others. The engravings of the number are contributed by distinguished artists, and are beau- tifully printed. The general press work and paper are also notably fine. [Rochester Union and Advertiser] ‘‘ LIFE” is the name of a new comic paper started in New York, the first number of which is before us. It is somewhat after the style of the London Puzch, and gives excellent promise for the future. Its illustrations and subject matter are admirable. [Syracuse Herald, Jan. 7.] THE first number of the new humorous weekly has appeared in New York city. It is entitled Lire, and has a very attractive appearance. Its fun is of the sort which appeals to an educated taste, and its illus- trations aré clever without bordering upon vulgarity. The title page is a particularly happy hit. The list of contributors includes names as well known as William L. Alden, W, H. Bishop, J. Cheever Good- | win, George Parsons Lathrop and J. Brander Matthews. Our good wishes to the newcomer. : [Brooklyn Daily Times, Jan. 6.]} Lift is a sprightly new illustrated paper, published at 1155 Broad- way, New York, and edited by John Ames Mitchell and Edward S. Martin. Its prospectus shows the names of some of the best maga- zine writers of the day, and the contents are cheery, satirical and full of lessons for snobs. [Norristown Daily Herald.] WE have received the first number of LIFE, a new humorous and | satirical illustrated weekly published in New York. Its typo- graphical execution is excellent, and its list of contributors con- tains many prominent names. * * * Some readers may object that it doesn’t give enough for the money—1o cents a copy—but they should remember that ‘‘ valuable goods come in small parcels,”

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ii iesdanae ee aint cs a de ai otis! ewes te. x i ae VOL. I. JANUARY 18, 1883. NO. 3. 1155 BROADWAY, NEw York. CONDUCTED BY JOHN AMES MITCHELL AND EDWARD S. MARTIN. ANDREW MILLER, Business Manager. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. CONTENTS. EDITORIAL. LIFE IN SOCIETY. MAXIMS FOR TABLE TALK. THE Froe, 7 : PROGRESS IN BAGDAD, ‘ : From A LETTER POSTMARKED PARIS, THE DEMOCRATIC SANCHO PANZA. THE FATHER AND THE S-N. Mr. AND Mrs. RALPH ORMISTON. NEWTON AND His Doe, OF GENTILITY. J. W. RILEy. W. F.*ALDEN. G. T. LANIGAN. A younc wife who had acquired the habit of calling upon her husband for a statement of his receipts and expenditures for the current week, was after a while met with the impatient exclamation, “See here; I support this house, don’t I? I earn the money, don’t I?” “Yes,” answered the young wife reflectively, “but then, you know, I save it.” A CERTAIN precocious baby had been keenly watched by his fond mother, who wanted to discover the first signs of future genius. If he scratched the furniture with a pencil he was to be an author. If he opened a book, and made a noise with his mouth, he was to be a preacher. If he imitated some action of an older person he was to be an actor. One day he had been forcibly emptying the pockets of his “ big brother,” who, struck by an idea, ran to his mother and cried: “Oh, mamma, I know what the baby’s going to be—a pickpocket !” # THE truth well stuck-to is as good as a lie. Ir is reported that the obtainer of the Obelisk has been ordered to Alaska. Can it be that the citizens of New York wish to have the North Pole brought here and set up in Central Park ? Ir cremationists are in “dead earnest” they should introduce some: new, cheap, and effective mode of spontaneous combustion. Then every man could be his own undertaker. It is considered vulgar to whistle—probably because it is possible to all, and it is held to be impolite to whistle in the presence of ladies; but a New York lady recently expressed herself in its favor, and de- clared that when alone in a deserted street she never has any fear of a passing whistler. This statement shows a profound knowledge of human nature, and is purely philosophical. Anything in the world except whistling presupposes some brain action; but the whistler “whistles as he goes for want of thought,” and will pipe the latest popular air sixteen times in succession, pleased that he has caught the melody, while all in his neighborhood are in an agony of mind. NIAGARA FALLS must not be abandoned to manu- facturers: Oh no! The Falls must be kept for people to go and look at. Else, what shall we do with our brides ? Can any one contemplate undisturbed the prospect of allowing the newly married to be turned loose upon the community, with unrestricted liberty as to destination as well as behavior? The horror with which such a pros- pect imbues us is unaffected and sincere. When we travel, if our attention is attracted by unusual behav- ior in a fellow-passenger, our annoyance is changed to sympathy if we discover he is going to Utica in charge of a keeper. And in like manner distressing demon- strations are overlooked in persons of opposite genders, whose attire is noticeably new, and whase tickets are stemped “ Niagara Falls.” The object of the “ Niagara Falls Association ” is to promote the restoration and improvement of the scenery of Niagara Falls. We wish the association all success. Has any one suggested to them how effec- tively it would promote the attractions of the place to have an assortment of its hackman hung about on the trees of its primeval forest?

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| - LIFE: W. & J. SLOANE, LOS" AMES oe V faa Carpetings. NOVELTIES IN Axmiunster, . PFARLINE Brussels, Wilton, AND The best thing ever invented to make washing easy, in T hard or soft water, without harm to fabric or hands. Requires no soap, and does the work much better. No family should ANCIENT AND MODERN be without it, but see that vile imitations are not pushed upon Oriental Rugs and Embroideries, you. PEARLINE always bear the name of JAMES PYLE, NEW YORK. BROADWAY AND NINETEENTH ST., GRADY + ere New York. RENNER & COMPANY, FINE ARTS. FAIRBANKS’ Designers and Manufacturers of EVERY DESCRIPTION or PICTURE FRAMES, No. 719 SIXTH AVE., NEw York. STANDARD Wyatt & TRIMBLE, ae C A L E S —_— Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, 160 Broadway, N. Y. Wn. E. WYATT. WALTER TRIMBLE, NINTH SEASON, Spring House, Richfield Springs, Open from Fune 7th to Oct. rst PRINCIPAL WAREHOUSE, FAIRBANKS & CO.,, NEW YORK. Its well known standard of excellence will be fully maintained. T. R. PROCTOR.