Five Cent Wide Awake Library (vol. 2) (1893 09 30)
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et = AANED Gtr Entered at the Post Office at New York, N. Y., as Second Class Matter. 1" , 1 ma ‘ FRANE 'TOUSEY, Pusrmisuer, 3 & 36 Norra Moore Sr., N. Y. PRICE - No. 1183. {compere } New YORK, September 30, 1893. ij IssutDp WEEKLY. {5 CEN'I'S. Vol. ITI. . 7117 Q 7) ON THE ROAD; or, | 1 |i IN THE OLD BURGESS BST FOR FUN, . : gti Pap. — _ oi, . Sere ~ ; " | TT Se i m7 Uh if t : ] : ee eT. “i His mouth was all drawn down to one side and tears chased each other down his face, each trying to be first in.the race, . He kept his feet going, but it was a funny sort of dance and had nothing to do with the time or the musi¢e + or anything else. ‘“*Dat’s right, Pop, keep it up,” said Shorty, no one but Josiah hearing him, of course. ‘* Yer doin’ splendid, grandpop,” echoed the kid. ‘*Keep her going.”
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ipti ice of Tee Wink Awake Liprary by the year is $2,50: $1,25 per six months post paid, Address FRANK TOUSEY, ee a PusBiisHER, 34 & 86 North Moore Street, New York. Box 2730. , THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD: OR, - IN THE OLD BUSINESS JUST FOR FUN. By PETER PAD, Author of “‘ Little Tommy Bounce on His Travels,” ‘‘ Little Tommy Bounce; or, Something Like His Dad,” ‘*The Shortys Minstrels; or, Working the Same Old Rackets,’‘‘Our Future President; or, The Oak That Came From the Acorn,” ‘‘ Mrs. Brown’s Boarding-House,” ‘* Our Landlord; or, Lite in French Flats,” ‘* Boarding School, or, Sam Bowser at Work and Play,” ‘‘Henpecked,” ‘*Bulger Boom, the Inventor,” ‘Sam; or, The ‘Troublesome Foundling,” ‘‘The Funny Four,” ‘‘Joe Junk, the Whaler; or, Anywhere for Fun,” **Behind the Scenes; or, Out With a New York Combination,” ‘*Smart & Co., the Boy Peddlers,” **The Shortys Christmas Snaps,” ‘‘The Shortys in the Wild West,” ‘* Jack Ready’s School Scrapes,” ‘‘A Rolling Stone; or, Jack Ready’s Life of Fun,” ‘‘The Shortys Christmas Rackets,” ‘*Those Quiet Twins,” ‘‘Sam Spry, the New York Drummer,” ete., ete. ‘ CHAPTER I. ' wise the i voice of some one else, who, nojthe Old Man. ‘Ginger knows all our old ac- OF course you know the Shortys without myjone could tell. quaintances and would not refuse admittance to telling you. “Yo' can’t see dem I tol’ youse,” the butler re-jany of them, no matter how poor they might be.” Some few of you may not, however, and so I willjmarked, “‘an’ dat settles it. Heah, yo’ Mike, whar} ‘“ Maybe so,” mused the Kid, “but I’ll go you a introduce them. am youse?” ten spot he was wrong dis time.” : Their name was not Shorty, althouga everybody| Mike was the coachman, and a regular Sullivan| The kid was right, as he usually was. called them that. in physique. . Ginger Jones had made a big mistake, First, there was Josiah Burwick, a bald-headed| “ Wot’s de matter now?” asked Shorty, getting) He had fired out one of the earliest and most old runt, the father of the original Shorty and|up. faithful friends the Shortys had ever had, x usually’known as the Old Man. The boys had already gone out into the halito|] The supposed tramp was Shanks. Shorty himself was originally christened Georgelinvestigate affairs. ¥ : You all remember Shanks, don’t you? Burwiek, but hardly anybody called him that, “Mike has just.thrown a tramp down-stairs,”| He was the original manager of Shorty when that _ Then there was his son Charlie, known as’ thejsaid Cal, the Old Man’s son and heir, y young joker first went into the minstrel business, Kid, and as mischievous a little rat as you would) His name was California, but that was too much|and made lots.of money both for himself and his - meet ina day’s march. of a mouthful, and Cal became his regular appella-|star. After traveling around the world and every-|tion. Afterwards he managed the Shortys’ minstrels, — where else for some years the Shortys agreed to) Shorty’s son, by the way, was called Peter, in|headed by the Old Man, Shorty and the Kid, and settle down. Shorty married a widow with twojhonor of myself, although the young scamp has|made another pile. i daughters, and then the Oid Man and the Keidach|never reflected any credit on me that I can re-| Just now he was down on his luck, ; took one of the daughters. member. ia He had lost all his money on a show, and had You can imagine the mix that the family rela-| The Kid’s son was calléd Ed after my young|been obliged to walk seven hundred miles more or tions got into after that, friend with the ears, and I am very grateful tojless to get back to New York. Things were more mixed when each one of the|Charlie for having thus avenged my wrongs on Mr.| He did not look very stylish to say the least, and trio became the happy father of a bounejng boy. |Ed, for his namesake is as mischievous a young|Ginger, not recognizing him, flred him out. _ . These boys were the Shorty Kids and were threejruffian as you want to know, and I feel that 1am} Shanks was bound to see his old friends, how- regular chips of three jolly old blocks, square at last with Ed for his many detractions ofjever, and he began to think how he was going to all, at the time I introduce the family to your a ier and farm. do it. f _ notice once more, the boys are jolly young fellows, ell, to return to the subject. **T want fixing up, that’s what’s the matter,” he _ old enough to know better, but as fullof funas| ‘ That fellow just got the bounce, and no mis-|said to himself. ‘I was in too much of a hurry you can imagine. Pater ; take,” said Peter. «‘*Ginger and Mike gave him|to see the boy and that’s why I got bounced.” ' _ The whole tribe lived in a big house on Madison|the razoo in fine style.” Then he went to a barber that he was acquainted _ avenue in the city of New York, each branch hav-| ‘ Dere must’vye been some mistake, pop,” saidjwith, got a shave and a hair cut, likewise a paper — ing its separate apartments, and yet ali living injShorty, returning to the library. ‘That fellerjcollar and a necktie, brushed his coat, polished his ‘common, wasn't no tramp.” / hoes and started out. t 4 It required an army of servants to run that| “If he was not Ginger would not have ejected) He was still De seedy, but looked respectable establishment; but the most of them had been in|him,” said the Old Man in decided tones. “ Myjfor all that. Once more he went to the Burwick the family a long time and they knew just what to|butler knows his duty perfectly.” mansion and rang the bell. ; ais - expect, ‘Dat coon is just an old stuff,” said rarpine 8 When the footman opened the door. Shanks — ringer Jones, the colored butler, and Norah, the} The three boys would have echoed this sentiment smiled, presented his card and said in a loud _ Irish cook, were the longest in service of any, and!for'they were always getting into rows with Mr.|voice: ; might have been expected to live harmoniously,|Ginger Jones, and he had secured them lickings| “Please tell Mr. Burwick, any of them, that Mr. _ but they didu’t. more than once. . Shanks wants to see him.” ee ‘They were forever getting into rows, and each} ‘ Maybe it was one of our old pals down on his} ‘The library door was open this time and Charlie _ had threatened to leave, if the other were not dis-|luck come to see us,” suggested the Kid, Burwick heard the remark of hisold manager: 4 — _ charged, a score of times, “‘ Well, we don’t keep a poor-house,” grunted the} “Strike me silly if it ain’t Shanks!” he cried, — __ However, we have nothing to do with that justiOld Man. “Let the authorities take care of|jumping up and rushing out tothe door. ae now. , them.” At did not take long, afterthat, to get Shanksin _. The Old Man Shorty and the Kid, likewise tho} ‘‘I was down on me Inck onst myself,” muttered|the library among his o!d friends, A _ three boys, were all seated in the cozy library one/Shorty, “and de fellers dat helped meis allussure| “ Hallo, Shanksey, old man!” said Shorty, “Glad evening in the early autumn, when a disturbance|of a square meal whenever dey want it.” tosee you. How is things?” a was heard at the front door. **Dat’s me, too,” said the Kid; “and if datfeller| ‘ Very bad,” said Shanks, : It was this very disturbance that caused me to|was anybody we know I’ll puta flea in dat coon’s| ‘ Wot’s der matter?” : : eam _ write this chronicle of the Shorty family. ear fur bouncing him,” 2 | “Show busted away out Wesf, and I had to walk ~ The angry voice of Ginger Jones was heard, like-' “It was only an impostor, I tell you,” persisted seventeen hundred miles,” _/ - -* 4 5
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~ ing the wretched condition of poor Shanks in|in the pr was so pig-headed. “That’s bad.” ** Yos, it is,” assented Shanks; “but I can get on|very day. my feet again and be all right if you will only help| Shorty and the kid did the patheticactand helped|for Shanks had taken the biggest theaters an me.” the thing on first-rate. “You know that we are always willing to help} Those young raseals went to the Old Man with tears in their eyes and made a dead set at him. “Yer just a hard-hearted old duffer, dat’s wot yer are, boo-hoo, to let oleShanksey go to de poor our old friends,” said the Old Man. * Blowed if I don’t sign a check and let yer fill it up just how yeu like,” put in Shorty, «Just say how much you wantand you kin have|house,” blubbered Shorty. it, Shanksy,” added the Kid, ; “No, I don’t want to take any money,” said/ter do with, boo-hoo-hoo, and yer won't Shanks, “ but I tell you what £ wish you would do,” |dis. ting rhe for fun and help yer ole ** Wot’s dat?” asked Shorty. sobbed Charlie, “Let me take you out on the road again. If you'll do that and start the show going Til pull up in two weeks, and I’ll never leave you again,” Shorty winked at the Kid, and the Kid grinned|man,” ey at his funny little dad. The faces of the boys beamed with delight, but|Charlie when they had nothing.” the Old Man looked very solemn. ‘ Finally Shorty broached the subject. ““What do you say, pop? Would yer goon der|I’ll take Cal and go off by myself.” they were honest about it all. The whole lot of them got at the Old Man that} The whole crowd migrated to Philadelphia thi “ Yor’ve got more money now dan yer know wot ‘0 inter riend,” Then the women put in their oars, although “It’s just a shame that you won’t help the poor “Just think of what he did for George and “Tf you don’t help him out now, Josiah Bur- wick, Pll never speak to you as Jong as I live, andjacknowledgments from a private box, while the following week and opened at the opera house was doing things on the grandest scale. The curtain went up, showing a packed house on one side of the footlights and a fine stage pic- ture on the other, Our old friends were all in their accustomed pee and the big house cheered when the three hortys were recognized, The Old Man was in the middle, the Kid had the tambourine end Shorty rattled the bones. The balance of the horseshoe was filled in with ne singers, twenty of them, and behind, on terraced — platforms, were the musicians and a choir of boys, all first-class artists. After the opening chorus in skipped the three Shorty Kids, dressed in nobby suits, and did a jig in the center of the stage in front of the semicircle, ‘That took the crowd and Shanks had to bow his boys danced their prettiest and the three older road with Shanks?” Josiah was not adamant, and when Shorty and/Shortys had to put on their broadest smiles, “ No 1? There was no doubting the determination of that little word, It meant business every tima, and all the time. Shanks looked blank, the boys let their jaws fall, and the Kid stopped grinning. Shorty would not give the thing up so easily, however, siah, decidedly. “Oh, come on, pop,” he said. ‘ What have you got against Shanks?” “Nothing, George,” said the Old Man, relaxing a little, grunted Josiah. eit a, “He may tell on us,” said Peter, “but he can’t “That old coon will be spying on us all the/get us licked any more.” : “We'll do him up,” said Ed, “and if he kicks ““Won’t we roast him, though,” observed {my|we'll do him up 8g Dee £ Dg That point settled, it was necessary one up. ; %: The coon used to go with the Old Man to th him and wait on him, but especially to prevent e Ginger was a high-toned moke, as was quite le old gentleman Jike Mr, Burwick, and no fault eat He wore a dress suit and a high pide ete ny shirt front in He was not going to let anyone take any | The Shorty Kids seldom worked off snaps The old man, in the middle, looking as wis ‘“What is that, George? Please repeat.” “faxed you what was de diff between a loa “ Why, there’s no sense in that, George.” “Dat’s why he said it,” piped up the Kid. ‘ “Den you've caught it from me, Kiddy,” “’}l smash your jaw.” muttered the Kid, ** Boys, boys, oe | that racket,” cried oth out if you don’t.” top sassing me,” said Sh “If be does that you ought to punis “Den make “ Ha-ha, Georgey used to get licked +S ay 0 a :
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ha-ha, got licked |” : “Stop your noise, Charles,” said the Old Man. ‘Now then, George, what was your question?” _ That wasn’t any good,” sneered the Kid. ‘“ T’ll - give you a daisy.” : : © Very well. What is it?” ““What’s the best time to go hunting?” Shorty. font Ae you shut up, dad, and don’t be so funny.” * Ain’t that the answer?” “ ”» ** What is it then?” * Don’t you know?” “When you’re out of a job, Ittakes a lot of hunt- ing to get one these days,” Weil, dat ain’t it,” “When is der best time to go hunting, smarty?” “When the old woman wants some money for a hew bonnet.” : “What do yer have to hunt then for?” «To find der méney. If you don’t, she'll hunt — you.” Z here that’s nd good. My one was better than that.” «What was yours?” “ What’s de best place to plant corn?” “On some other feliow’s toes.” “ Nixey.” ’ “Where is the best place to - “Jn the ground, stupid! lant it?” f “Well, where’s der best place to plant your “money?” “Tn the bank,” “es Nope.” “Tn a house.” “ » lant corn then?” ““Sealskins, I guess.” ° “No, I mean what for?” “?Qanse she'll never look for it there,” Well, now, what's the difference between a load ay and a cart wheel?” Give it up.” Jan’t you tell the difference?” No.” ou must be blind, dat’s all,” and Shorty , and tried to poke his head through his tambourine, “Little Anaie Rooney,” remarked the Old Man, odding to one of the star vocalists, 1 know dat gal,” chirped the Kid, “Her “Mother used to go hunting for butts in the gut- ters,” “No, sir, this is not the person you mean,” said he Old Man. .‘* This is a song—a ballad.” i “Yes, I know dat. Annie was in der ballet, but “she mashed der fellor dat beat der bass drum, and he come in at der wrong time, and got bounced.” at all. Well} den it’s her sister, and they’re twins. I ~ know all them Rooney girls. Dey was de Rooney- ‘ ‘eat ofall der peanut men on the avenue, au a pent up, Kid,” said Shorty, inie Rooney won’t stand no show at all when I nae warble.” } Well, I s'pose we are got to let you just to keep quiet, Go on with the execution, the opening of acoal cellar, cet ig: nar once wasa fellow who thought it was fine To talk back to his mother-in-law. \. ut she gave him a racket and dusted his jacket auc Janded him one on the jaw, € thought it was clever to make an endeavor ‘To make her shut up, the big dunce; ‘The snout, And he only tried it once. air,» @ cause all the folks for to wonder; to hinder, , a he went right straight tothunder. . thought it was worth trying to do a little fying, The wooden headed old dunce. tS 3 da he only tried if once, i vother fellow’s name to a check dit the Kid. “Ha! ain’t you ashamed? Got licked! So he forged for several hundred, on, dear! how he Shorty, ‘* because you don’t know how, no more “When you lose your collar button,” sang out " here else would you}|Ca "No, sir, you are wrong, This is not that girl it distinetly understood that I would not go on this ” oe “swipe ahandfull every time dey went by der|° on’t doit. Waittill you hear mesing. Little Meee asleep in my room and I enn’t go in.” oid woman laid him out with a blow upon the|tion in him. 2 was another fellow said he’d walk upon the! property bricks. 30 he jumped ont of the winder when there was none ert Brest bricks where he desired. ‘ood at writing took the notion of inditing n't like to work and he didn’t want to|for the door. tit right in the neck. i ¥ THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “Why, it’s Ginger!” cried Mr. Burwiek. «Stop, boys, stop, don’t you see it’s Ginger?” The boys saw that plainly enough, but they did not stop all the same, ’ Shorty used up all his bricks, and by that time Ginger had reached the door, Then the kid warmed him with the club and Qimade him jump. “Now! yo’ stop 0’ dat!” howled the coon. : The kid only pasted him all the more, and Gin- gor, in his haste to get away, upset the old man, biundered, The cenceited little dunce. He was caught and sent to prison, a hard time is his’n, And he only tried it once,” } “Don’t you try to sing any more, Kiddy,” said cat,” However, the audience langhed, all the same, and the Kid re pe put on ne or ki i ad to his song before they would let upomhim. —_— [and fled down the passage. Just about this time the Shorty Kids, having! yo Shorty kids eke waiting for him, and each finished for a time, took a look into the Old Man’s)nag something to give him when heappeared. dressing-room., —__ * | Gallet him have a bucket of water in his shirt The door was wide open, and so there was DO/front that just took away his breath. harm in doing so. ss f Peter gave him u kick in the shins, and Ed There sat Ginger Jones in a big arm-chair, fastioyaciked him over the head with a split stick used asleep. in one of the farces, What a picnic! “ Wow!” howled Ginger, making a break for the first door. “ It led into the street, but he did not know this till he was outside. Greer! Jones, the colored coon sat fastasleep| ‘What de mattah wif all dem fellahs anyhow?” in Old Man Burwiek’s dressing-room at the theater,/he muttered. “Just ’causel took a lilly bit ob a while the three Shorty Kids stood watching him|nap dey gotter club de head off me, I tell de Ole through the open-door, : Man ’bout dat, see if I don’t.” Those boys had promised themselves to get} Just then, however, along came a Philadelphia hunk on that moke, and now here was the OPP9r-|copper, who seeing Ginger under a street lamp, tunity. é ' |got right onto his penitentiary rig. : s “ Doesn’t he look dizzy in his swallow-tail?” said|" «Aha! an eseaped ict!” he muttered, ‘CHAPTER II. convict “ Here is a prize, sure enough,” Then he waltzed up, grabbed Ginger by the col- lar‘and remarked : “JT want you, my man, Just you come along peaceable, or I'l blow the whole top of your head’ Le ‘He'd look better in a Sing Sing jacket,” return- ed Peter. ; *Let’s give it to him them,” said Ed, A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse, and all that those boys wanted was a suggestion. Off they ran to the property room of the theater,| “*I ain’ done nuffin’, boss!” gasped the poor and presently returned with a pot of white painticoon, beginning to tremble. ‘I b’igngs in yer, I and three brushes, does. I’se Mistah Burwick’s col’d ge’man, I is.” Then they proceeded to stripe that boned eoon’s} * You belong in jail, that’s where you belong,” Sey omg for him in the most approved Sing Sing|said the copper, ‘ You’ye got your convict clothes ‘ashion. on yet.” y Coat, vest and trousers got it, and Ginger looked th en he proceeded to lug off that unhappy coon, like a real convict when the boys had finished with/despite his protests. him. ; It would have fared badly with Ginger Jones, “There! I guess Pop will be surprised when|Msquire, if Shorty and the Kid had not come to bis he sees that coon,” laughed Cal. rescue just then, “ He'll give Ginge fits inthe bargain,” added Ed, ‘They had seen him dash cut of that door, and . ‘and that’s what we want.” —_ knew the sensation he would be apt to create on The musie of the final chorus in the first partithe street. } was heard at that moment, and the boys skipped} «Hold on, !pard,” cried Shorty, rushing out as out in order to avoid meeting the old man, the copper was running Ginger off. ‘* That coon is Josiah presently came in, saw Ginger sittinglall right. He belongs to the show.” there rigged up like a jail bird aud instantly dusted.| «Oh, Marse Gawge, don’ let de pleeceman took “George, Charlie, come here quick,” he gasped,|me off!” cried Ginger. “I hain’t done. nuffin’ as he hurried along the passage. tall’ “What's der matter, Pop?” asked Shorty, who} “ He’s all right, Mr. Cop,” said the Kid, ‘‘ Dat’s was taking off his dress coat, on’y a show vig he’s got on, dat’s all. He ain’t done nothing.” “ There’s a conviet got in my dressing room.” ‘Oh, I say, ain’t yer Pots up a job on us,| Just then Ginger caught sight of his striped F clothes, 1 ; Grandpop?” asked the Ki ; or." ees scornfully repeated the old man.| “ Fo’ goodness sakes, wha’ de mattah wif my “No, sir! You know [ never put up jobs. I dis-|elose?” he gasped. ‘De Ole Man be bery mad approve of them entirely and you know that I had/when he see dat.” 8 As Josiah insisted that Ginger should always trip if anything of the sort was tried.” jattend him in a dress suit, and as the pres- “Oh, yes, you're a sober old duffer, you are,”lent one was hardly the thing, und a new one must muttered Shorty. ‘You would not play a trick on|be procured, it would not be surprising if the Old Used|us if you had a good chance, would yer? Oh, no,|/Man were wrath at the change. (course not.” The copper surrendered his charge and Ginger ‘But I tell you there’s no trick about it, George,”|went into the theater where the first person he protested Mr. Burwick. “‘I'here’s a great big black|saw was Josiah. . a ‘ Whatdo you mean, sir?” demanded that angry ell fix his jiglets for you,” said Shorty.|Old Man. ‘ Do you think I can buy your clothes “Qome on, Kiddy; you geta olub and I’ll take alfor you toruin in that style. Go and change your brick.” : i things at:once,” Shorty loaded his arms with red morocco prop-| Josiah could get very mad upon occasions and a ( hi h j ikelerty bricks and Charlie procured a big stuffed|this was ono of the times, parse then opened Rag ate sitsomedune elub, and then they preceded the old man to his i r He lifted one of his short, fat legs and planted ‘oom, his foot at the base of Ginger’s spine with no gentle Shorty looked in, for Josiah had left the door|touch. ; ; Open, ‘« Wow !” yelled the coon. “ Don’ know nuffin’ The little runt tumbled to the whole racket at)’bout de close an’ how dey get dat a way. Reckon once, — some ob dem bad: boys do dat when I was asleep,” Hoe recogrized Ginger without having to put on| “You had no business to go to sleep,” spluttered specs, and guessed who had made the-transformn-|Josiah, giving Ginger another raise. “ Your busi- . ness is to look after me, you lazy nigger. Take “Dat’sa good gag,” he chuckled, ‘and here’s|that, and look out in the future that you don’t go another.” » |togleep in business hours.” — - ‘ Then he proceeded to pelt Ginger Jones with the inger did not catch that last kick for the ver good reason that he thought he had had Apeadke he put every one ofjand suddenly slipped out. . The Old man kicked the air and of course that . ‘|made him sit down with considerable violence, nearly dropping out his false teethin theact. «Great Cesar!” he ejaculated, and that made — e was a dandy shot, an ‘Smack! ’ ’ Whack! ad f The first took Ginger on the nose, the second|Shorty and the Kid laugh, while Ginger dusted — ht he couidn’t fail, he was picked up in ajearromed on his right eye, and the third bouncedjout. 3 ) ) 8 : ‘The paint on the coon’s clothes was nothing more There were more after that, for it fairly rained|than whitewash after ‘all, and he managed to get bricks, and every one hit the mark, k it off after scrubbing at the duds for an hour or so. Up jumped Ginger in alarm, and made a break| However, we must return to ‘the Old Man and his boys. j That laugh made him than sitting down so solid off his forehead. nore mad by a good bit ily had done, 8 ma) “ \ “ Ho?’ on, boss, hol’ on!” he yelled. ‘Wha’ yo’ doin’ on anyhow? Tisn’asleep.” 7]
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “This thing has gone too far,” he muttered,|week’s sfay in Quakerdom, those funny fellows got] ‘‘ No.” “and Iam going home to-night.” Shank’s to advertise a triple song and dance by| ‘Oh, oh!” and the two little runts held up ** What fur, pop?” asked Shorty. the three Shortys, and to seatter dodgers ali over|their hands, “T said I wouldn’t have any practical jokes, and|the city announcing the same. “No, you didn’t!” repeated Josiah. here you are beginning them in spite of my pro-| Shanks thought it had all been fixed up with] “Oh, Pop! And you de super in de Sunday tests.” ae hear ten fs the ae raved # course, and, as ho See! it would/school !” “We don’t know nuthin’ ’bout that,” said|be a big thing, he gave it an extralargelineonthe| « p;3,% y, 1a lia lik rr Charlie; “and, anyhow, de job wasn’t on you at/house bill for that evening. . Pee saa eg By peer ences ! x all.” It had not been fixed up with the Old Man, how-|« and I hha dance, P an, “That doesn’t make any difference. I’m goingljever, and that ancient and highly respectable party i home to-night.” knew nothing‘about it. “Oh, yes, you can and you gotter. You don’t “You-ain’t got no place to go to,” said Shorty.| That is to say, not at first, though he was bound|Want ter spoil der show, do yer? ‘*Ain’t de house shut up?” to bear of it in the end. At this juncture Shanks came along and re- “T ean go toa hotel, I guess,” sputtered Josiah.| ‘ve first part was over and a musical moke act|/Marked: “‘ And, besides, it’s my house. I shall take Angie) was on when Shorty and the Kid, dressed as dan-| “Ah, getting ready for the dance, are you? Ivil TOT TETEOEUTECUTOOTOTOTOOTU ONE TOAMPTUGAT OT OEE PO TATE a i | He = i f l a HANALEI ll T Mm ia MMEMTNNTT iT mit ih am WIE ll ll | ut ul HE His mouth was all drawn down to one side and tears chased each other down his face, each trying to be first in the race. He kept his feet going, but. it was a funny sort of dance and had nothing to do with the time or the music or anything else. ‘‘Dat's right, Pop, keep it up,” said Shorty, no one but Josiah hearing him, of course. ‘‘Yer doin’ splendid, grandpop,” echoed the Kid. ‘*Keep her going.” and Cal and Ginger and go right back this very{dy, faney coons, went to Josiah’s room, taking afbe a great act, and the folks outside are expect- night.” ; funny wench’s costume with them, ing a big treat.” 7 hy All right,” said the Kid. “Go home, if you| It was a short white dress, all frills and tueks,)° “I never said I would dance, andI don’t know ~ like, you ole stuff. Der show kin get along with-|striped stockings and long frilled pantaloons andlanything about it,” said the Old Man. out you. We'll put Shanksy in der middle and’ goja big white sun-bonnet went with i “ Oh, my, what stories that old duffer kin tell!” right on fust-class.” Anybody else would have looked funny in it, but}remarked the Kid. Now Josiah had an idea that his presence added |just you imagine Josiah Burwick rigged outinsueh| “Just listen to him,” added Shorty, “He says to the drawing powers of the show, and to be told,jan affair, he won’t dance,” therefore, that they could get along just as well] ‘Come on, pop,” said Shorty. ‘‘Here’s your}. Shanks began to get alarmed. ad without as with him, was a big blow to his pride, jdress. Putit on quick. We’re in a hurry,” He knew what it was to disappoint an audience, * Well,” he muttered, getting up, ‘as long as} “Put that thing on!” gasped Josiah. ‘I! Youland always avoided it, the joke wasJnot intended for me, I will overlook|must be erazy, George.” The big house expected that dance, and he it, but I want you to undersand that I won’t have} “No, Lain’t, It’s fur dedance. Don’t yer re-|meant that they should have it. a any more of it, no matter whether it is meant forjmember?” “ Why, you must dance, Mr. Burwick,” he said, + me or not.” ; “The dance! What dance? I don’t dance,'eagerly. ‘ You’ll ruin the show if you don’t, Its Then he went away with the air of the Grand|George.” * on the bill, and they are all expecting it.” Mogul, while George and Charlie just chuckled| “Ah, go on, yes, you do, you and me and] “But I can’t dance,” sighed Josiah. “I’ve got and thought that was the best thing yet. Chawles.” ! '|the rheumatism, and I haven’t daneed in forty — It must not be supposed that those two jokers| ‘I can’t dance,” said Mr, Burwick, ‘and Ijyears.” i would refrain from playing rackets on Josiah mere-|jwouldn’t, if I could.” * But you ‘must,” said Shanks, ‘The people ly because the latter had said that he would not) ‘Ah, yes, you can. It’s easy, and it'll be a great|will never forgive me if you don’t.” ds 3 have it. ; r act,” “Oh, yes, stick to it and bust up poor oki Shanks, They might be more cautious in working up} ‘“ But you never said a word to me about it,|pop,” said Shorty. ‘“‘ Dat’s just like yer, goin’ back their snaps, but the snaps would be there ali thejand 1 ean’t go on. without a rehearsal.” on a old friend.” ey, Same, i ‘Never said nuthin’ about it, didn’t we?” cried) ‘Yes, and after he’s done so much fur yer and On Saturday night, which would end their first'the two jokers. all,” put in the Kid, taking the cue from his funny ald "e4-y 3 aah "5 aaa ats ; 7 3 Gib ; ee M, a wi ”; var 4 > 4 “wry 3 we “ 28 *,. eee s ear Be i
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’ THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. : little dad. “ZI didn’t tink you’d be so mean,} “If der Ole Man can’t dance, he can strike out} Just before dinner he went to the Old Man and - grandpop.” putty good, can’t he?” suggested the thing. “Well, I don’t see why you can’t let me wear| ‘“ Reckon we're de blokies wat’s been struck out,| |“ No, sir!” said Mr. Burwick. ‘‘ No more dances the same kind of clothes you do,” sighed the Old|dad.” forme. I got ahead of the boys that time, but Man. “Just think how I’d look in those things.”| ‘Take yer base, Chawles.” they’ll be laying for me the next. No, sir, you The poor old fellow was nearly crying, but those} ‘I’ve got it, dad.” can’t catch me twice with the same bait.” two bad boys would not let up on him, These funny chaps had worked off one on the} ‘You don’t really think I had anything to do “Why, that’ll make it all the funnier,” said/Old Man, but he had got square with them, and with it the other time, do you, Mr. Burwick?” said Shanks, who did not know that the whole thing/that was something after all. Shanks, was a job. Shanks thought that the whole thing was regu-} ‘No, of course not, but I’m not to be eaught “Of course it will,” said Shorty. lar, and resolved to have that act in the bill every|again.” * Gert!” added the Kid. night. “Well, I’ll let you into a bit of a secret, though “Dat’s de funny part of it. Me and do Kid is} The Old Man would probably have something to|I ought not to say anything at all about it, I sup- _ both in love with yer, and goes to see yer and den|say about that himself, however, and Shorty and|pose.” we all does dis dance.” the Kid would no doubt want the finale changed a} Then Shanks told about ths proposed watch . “But I can’t dance, George,” sobbed the Old|bit before the act was repeated. presentation and how it was to be done. *-Man. ‘Can’t you get one of the boys?” Josiah went off to the dressing-room, got out of} Josiah was visibly affected and even sniffled. * Well, well, and so they’re going to give me a ere: Ue he said, wiping his moist nose. i) es,”” “ Too late, Mr. Burwick,” saidShanks. ‘ You’re|that costume in ahurry, jawed Ginger for laugh- on the bill and the public don’t want to see any/ing at him, and then said in peppery tones: one else,” “Well! I gave them one dose anyway, and I “ Dere goes de bell for de encore of de musi¢aildon’t think they'll want to get off any more jokes| “Well, they’re pretty good boys after all, and I _ moke act,” said Shorty. ‘‘ You ain’t got no timelright away.” ought not to blame them for: letting their spirits to lose, pop : *«Dat yer jig was dé funnies’ ting I eber see,”|run away with them at times,” observed Josiah ‘The Old Man looked very sad and tears began|said Ginger, beginning to laugh again. after a pause. _ to make tracks across his blackened cheeks. Josiah grabbed up a cake of soap and let fly with) “‘ Oh, they’re all right, Mr. Burwick,” put in Shanks helped him dress and he certainly did|it, taking Ginger slap in the mouth, look very funny in that short dress, long panta-| “Don’t you dare laugh at me, you black rascal !” _lettes and big sun bonnet. he sputtered, “and don’t you express your opin-|bl. g - He did not feel funny, however, and he looked |ions until they are called for, confound you.” “Oh, that’s only natural, of course. You'll do decidedly solemn as he took his place behind the} Ginger dug the soap out of his mouth and he!ped|this dance, won’t you, to-night? You seo it will . - door of the set conan on the right of the stage. his master to change his clothes without any re-/facilitute matters,” ~The flats separated, showing a pretty landscape| marks or laughter after that, : “ How so?” That coon had been a Jong time in Mr. Burwick’s| “Well, there’ll be an encore, of course. You service, and he knew when it was wise and when|can slip off your dress, put on a dress coat, and go _ In came Shorty and the Kid dressed as dandy/not, to open his mouth. : on with the boys, and then the presentation will coons and looking Pane? *Confoun’ dis show business anyhow,” he mut-|take place. You mustn’t let them know that-you They talked about their gal fora few moments|tered, when he was at liberty. “De Ole Man|know anything about it, though,” and then both made a break for the door of thelamn’t hese’f at all dese days. Neberdidsee him| ‘‘Oh,1 won't,” said Josiah, “ After all they’re cottage. 80 Gross. od boys, if they do cut up now and again.” They grabbed the Old Man by the hands and led] «“Reckon Marse Gawge an’ Marse Charlie do} “ To be sure they are,”“retorted Shanks, hearti- him to the middle of the stage, and then there|suffin’ to stir bim up mo’n common, else he wouldn’|ly, ‘‘and you need not be afraid that they will kick was a racket, and no mistake, ; light out on me like o’ dat. you to-night,” -- Shorty and the Kid as fancy coons, and the Old| “It am all de fault ob dish yer business anyhow,| ‘‘ Well, I’ll do it, though you know I can’t daneo, Man as a funny wench was enough to set thejan’ I knows de ole ge’man don’ like it, an’ no mo’at least not very well,” answered Josiah, feeling use in a roar, and it did. , does I, but dem two fellahs jist does wha’ dey likes.|tickled and flattered and touched, all at one time. hen thedance began, the Old Man in the mid-|Reckon now I won’ hab no peace ’tall till we gits| Shanks was to be imposed upon as well as the die, Shorty on one side and the Kid on the other. {home agin.” Old Man, but he did not know it. y u never saw such a doleful looking old Job as} He was very likely in the right, for of course,| The Old Man could never have been induced to _ Josiah was, however, Shorty and the Kid would not allow the account tojgo on and do that wench business again, if Shanks is mouth was all drawn down to one side and/stand against them that way. ‘ had not persuaded him, and those jokers knew ars chased each other down his face,each trying ‘ to be first in the race. He kept his feet going, but it was a funny sort anks “ Yes, I think they are, although I do get terri- y angry with them sometimes.” / - with a vine-covered cottage, a white picket fence and flowery banks at the rear. CHAPTER III. it. When the time for the act came, Shanks stepped ia front of the footlights, and said with a smile: dance and had nothing to. do with the time or} Tux Shortys opened their second week in Phila-| ‘Ladies and gentlemen, the three Shortys will the musie or anything else. ~ delphia to as good a business as casio the first,|now do their celebrated and unrivaled triple song “Dat’s right, Pop, keep it up,” said Shorty, nojand could have stayed all the season if they hadjand dance, by universal request, and will conclude ne but Josiah hearing him of couree, chosen. the act with a surprise.” “Yer doin’ splendid, grandpop,” echoed the Kid.| As Garncross and Dixey were about to open} That fetched down the house, of course, and eep her going.” , their own season, however, and they were both old|then the scene opened and the stage was shown Tho audience thought it was very funny and|friends of Shorty, ourjolly young runt would not\set with the landscape and the cottage and the — eered and clapped and stamped, run his show counter to theirs, and this was to|flowery banks, as before. z Mr. Burwick did not think it funny for a very|be their last week in Quakertown. The dance was gone through with, Shorty and The Old Man concluded not to go home immedi-|the Kid as the dude coons, and the Old Man as the ately, although he had threatened to do so, funny wench, greatly to the amusement of the e The fact was, he bad got the best of Shorty and/large audience. ‘the Old Man in the rear, : the Kid in their last little racket on him, and that] Then they all skipped out, and of course there ‘Yer doin’ bully, Ole Man,” said the Kid. put him into a fairly good humor. was a big demand for more. the same time he also spurred that poor old} Those two jokers were not beaten, however, for] ‘ Put on yer dress-coat, pop,” said Shorty, in the in lividual, his grandfather, one repulse was not a campaign by any means. |wings, ‘“‘and come out and bow. Yer won’t have - ed Then Shorty got in another kick, followed by| They let one day go by without playing any|ter dance any more.” ~ Oharlie a moment later. jokes on the Old Man, but they were laying for] Josiah knew what was coming, or thought he ‘he crowd in front did not get onto it but Josiah)him just the same. did, and readily consented. id, you bet. “Say, Shanksey,” said Shorty to the manager] There was aloud outery for the three favorites wonder that he looked and felt sad. one night, ‘‘ de Ole Manis putty Riess ain’t he?” and presently they all appeared, the Old Man in _ “Stop that, boys,” he whined. ‘You hurt.” “ Yes, oh, yes, quite 80,” said Shanks, full evening dress and the two boys in their danc- ‘The boys went on dancing and the Old Man had} ‘Den it would be a big ting for der Kid and meling rig. to do the same, despite the kicks and spurs he got.|to make him a present of a watch on der stage,! The three bowed, and the big audience ap- * Stop that, I tell you!” he at last vociferated,| wouldn’t it?” Jauded until Shorty put up his hand to obtain si- ting mad. “ Yes, indeed, it would bea great go, George,” lence. y Patience was a virtue no longer, and Josiah hadjsaid the delighted manager. Pop,” he said, when all was quiet, ‘“me and “ig is back very much elevated. Ho was in for anything that would draw atten-jder Kid wants to make yer a present to show how Shorty and the Kid each gave him one more sly/tion to the show, he was. much we thinks of yer. Will yer take it?” é k, and ibe ones they were too. The papers would be full of accounts of the) ‘Really, my dear boys, you do me too much — By this time Josiah was rip-tearing, raving, stay-] presentation, he knew, and that would be a good/hgnor,” said.the Old Man, smiling and blushing rei * Dat’s right, let her go!” said Shorty. Then he threw back one of his feet and caught ‘ - eset advertisement and help along the business. and feeling just too deliciously happy for anything. He pulled away his hands and struck right and| ‘ Dat’s wot we thought,” said Shorty, “ and s0|‘‘I accept your gift with pleasure,” ae taking George and Oharlie smack in the face.|der Kid an me, we thought we'd give the governor] ‘All right, den,” said Shorty. ‘Kid, feteh out his time Josiah tallied, with a two-bagger to his|a watch onder stage some night just as a mark of/der ticker.” our esteem an’ all dat, don’t yer know.” ~ | | The Kid skipped into the wings and hauled out “ A yery good idea, George, and I know the oid/a huge watch three feet in diametér, to which was fastened a regular cable. : ““Dere you go, Ole Man,” he said. “ De watch credit, = mack ! gentleman will be greatly pleased.” Thack { : “Oh, yes, cert, he’s bound to be, of course,” re- hose were no gentle love taps, you may be sure. Those two jokers suddenly sat down on the stage, | plied Shorty. * lis yours, and when you wear it, tink of us, looking pretty silly, and the mad Old Man made] . “ Well, how ara you going to do it and when?” | The crowd howled with delight, and cheered, — : k for the cottage door, “De watch is all ready, and ® guess to-night will/but the Old Man looked disgusted, \ ‘stage manager thought that was a good|be as good as any time.” Suddenly Shorty touched a spring in the watch, 3 to stop, and so he had a scene shoved on in| /“‘ Cortainly, just as a good. How will you do it?/the case flew open and out jumped Cal, in black” nt, and the female impersonator went on and Call him on the stage and give it to him?” tights and red trunks and began whirling all over bled operatic melodies. - “No, dat’ll be too stiff. Couldn’t you get him tojthe stage. ; fsorge looked at Charlie, and the latter grinned|do that wench business over again? We could| He had beer curled up inside the case of the big emarked: 5; give it to him then, after der dance.” watch, which wag sufficiently roomy for him, t any jaw left, dad?” “Hm! I’m afraid not. He would not let me putjonly awaiting the signal to do his new act in- n’t know, Kiddy. How 'g. yours?” that in the bill again.” . et ? vented by Shorty. nd of all broke up, dad.” yt Well, you a ia Ba him, eo fe a The Old Man was very ane : DEVES: . kee aor i 0 do it, : pee it. Dat’'ll be d was going to ha | © Well had only been m i ast ee
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ——— ~ st Away he went ina rage and then Shorty and the| By the time he had recovered, wiped and re-|. “Take something for what?’ asked Shanks in Kid skipped out, leaving Cal to do the boneless|placed his crockery masticators, he had some-jastonishment, wonder act, being presently joined by the other|/what gotten over his rage and said no more about) ‘ Dat paralysis of yours. You are got it bad, two Shorty Kids, one in red and th other in greenj|it, old man.” tights and made up as imps. The gymnastic act of the boys was repeated the| “Paralysis!” shouted Shanks, ‘I hayen’t got Those three lively chaps went through a regular|next night and took immensely, and as Cal gotiparalysis.” bd acrobatic act, posturing, tumbling and all that sortjthe most applause, the Old Man was greatly mol-| ‘* Well, I never see the signs of it so plain ona of business, and lastly, Shorty and the Kid madellified. feller before,” up as black-faced clowns, came on and helped to! He still said something about going home, how-| ‘Nor me. Yer ina bad way, I tell yer.” wind up the act. ever, and he might have done so if he had notjust}/ “But I tell you I haven’t got. it,” protested It took first rate and was quite new, not having|now found a chance to play a dandy return snap/Shanks. ‘I’m as strong as ever I was.” been announced, but Josiah was mad all the same./upon Shorty, “You certainly ought to do something for it if After tha show he went to Shanks and said,} . However, something else happened before thatlyou have got it, Mr. Shanks,” remarked Josiah. angrily: came off and I must take things in order, Shorty and the Kid looked so sober that the Old “You're a nice friend of mine, you are. You’ It was not often that Shorty or the Kid roasted|Man was completely deceived. i! ih Me | | Te ee | : \ : ct \ i Ta ul \ | | eta) y Ve A en a vith ult ei ee Z: | ne i) Al l Us | ll | bok lhl i : i iu = l i iC = —— Hn 3 | I il | An ih i “*Fuadies and gen’men, I comes befo’ youse dis ebenin’ to disgust you on the question of de rights ob ebery man to hab ‘ Bi Sa & equal share in dish yer earth and enjoy de same privileges dat every other fellow does never- ; theless, notwithstanding, however, moreover, on the other hand.” is, just helped those two fellows to make a fool of/Shanks, for he was usually too full of business, but{/ ‘Yes, but George ought to know. He wouldn’t me.” , f occasionally they did so, and then there was fun|say you were if——” at ee “Upon my word I did not, Mr. Burwick,” pro-|alive! “George is nothing but a chump,” retorted — tested poor Shanks. A day or so after that racket on the Old Man|Shanks, getting mad. _ “Fine sratels pipwentation that was, wasn’t it? Itjthe two jekers got one up on Shanks that stripped}, “Dat?’s all right,” said Shorty, “but if I had just made a fool of me, that’s what it did.” the shirts off the line. something de matter with me and a friend told me ‘Really, Mr. Burwick, you——” The manager was in the habit of hanging hisjabout it, seems ter me I’d do something.” “T know what Pil do, though, Ill just take my|bat up in the box-office during the day, when he) “Ah, Shanksy’s got der swell head,” muttered son and go right back to New York, I didn’t want|was selling tickets for the evening’s performance,|the Kid. ‘Yer can’t tell him nothing, ‘causa he him to go into the business anyhow,” and Shorty and the Kid had got onto it. : knows it all, but if [ everseen der signs of paraly- — *¢ Yes; but think how successful—_.” One afternoon Shanks came on the stage during|sis gn a feller, he’s got——” wih “ T don’t care anything about that,” sputtered the|a rehearsal, leaving his hat hanging on its peg,| “Ah, go soak your head!” sputtered Shanks, Old Man. ‘If George and Charlie want their boys|and a young man to eell tickets. leaving the stage. - E to go on that’s all right, but my boy is made for| I'he Kid skipped ont, and presently returned,| ‘Why do you want to tell him that for, George, » something better, and I wan’t allow him to be dis-l whispering a few words to Shorty. when you know it isn’t 80?” asked Josiah. - graced. I’m going straight back to New York to-| When the rehearsal was nearly over, Shorty said) “It is so, pop.e He ain’t got no strength at all, L_ night.” ’ to the manager: tell you.” ; é* The older Josiah grew the more irascible he be-| ‘ Wot’s der matter with yer, Shanksy? Yer look| “Oh, this is one of your jokes,” A came, and when he got his mad up he was a terror,|kind o’ funny.” i “Do yer think I’d joke about a thing like dat?” Shanks tried to reason with him, but the more} “Mel” said Shanks. “Why, there’s nothing atljasked Shorty, indignantly. “I tell yer he can’t he talked the madder Josiah grew. all the matter with me,” : lift nothing, he can’t.” ‘ } Finally that mad Old Man began to,cough and| ‘ Well, you look pretty bad anyhow,” remarked] ‘’Course he can’t,” added Charl grow red in the face, and finally he coughed out|the Kid. his false teeth. , ie “Shouldn’t wonder if yer was going into a de- - Without them he could not utter an intelligible|cline,” added Shorty. _ sound, and of course he had te stop, for jabbering| ‘Yes, and you onght to take something for it, I by vent for nothing, + reckon,” said Charlie,
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By ‘THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. \ ‘Very well, but I shall be very sorry if anything} Then Shorty came in, and all hands began to is really the matter with the poor man.” laugh. ‘* Well, come on and see.” he little runt wore a checked vest with squares} ‘‘I’/] make you sweat!” said Shorty. “Wot yer. The three then proceeded to the box office, whore] on it as big as dollars, along blue coat, cut swal-|\want ter play roots on me fur like dat? Ain’t you Shanks was looking over a stack of tickets, with|low-tail, whieh reached to the floor, and had regu-jand me pardners?t” in expressiun on his face sour enough to curdie}lar butter plate.buttons on it, a pair of striped) “Cert, dad.” d : milk. ; : trousers and a high white hat, and carried a blue] ‘Den wot yer want ter go back on me for, I “ Hallo, Shankéy, feel any better?” asked George. |cotton umbrella, want ter know?” ‘Gee! but you do look bad!” added Charlie. Taking his hat off suddenly, the lecturer dropped| “‘ Me?” said that innocent Kid. ‘He doesn’t look like himself, that’s « fact,”}upon the floora pack of cards, a ham bone, halt) “ Yes, you.” murmured Josiah, ; a pound of crackers, a towel, a cake of soap, two| ‘ Wot makes you think I done it?” | Shanks wheeled around on his high stool, glared jvigars, a brush and a comb, a mouth organ, a top} ‘ Well, didn’t yer?” P { at the three. visitors and snapped: and cord, a lead sinker and several chestnuts. “Did you see me, dad?” “You're a nice lot of jokers, youare. Can’t you] “ ‘Seuse me, ladies and gen’men, I’se just come| ‘ No, I didn’t.” find something better to make fun of than afel-jin trom dinner,” he remarked, gathering up the) ‘Den what makes you think I was in it?” low’s health? I didn’t Vil ose you'd go into it,| miscellaneous collection and shoving it all back in| ‘‘ Well, wasn’t you?” f though,” scowling at the Old Man, the hat and placed the latter on the table. **T ain’t givin’ nuthin’ away,” chuckled Charlie, “Gomme,” said Shorty, “I bet you ain’t got} Then he proceeded to take off his gloves which} ‘‘ Well, they was two of you init anyhow, and Vl stren enough to take your hat off that peg.’ | proved to be very long, white cotton stockings, do-|bet der Ole Man was one and yon was the other,” “ Ah, go on. What are you giving meanyhow?” ling this with such an air of gravity that everybody| ‘‘ Well, go ask grandpop,” iaughed the Kid, * Bet you a bottle of fizz you haven’t,” pursued|/had to laugh. * He'll tell you allabout it, I guess.” _ Shorty. After this he cleared his throat, tooka pull atthe} ‘* Allright, young feller,” said Shorty; “‘ but you “ And I'll make it another,” put in the Kid, bottle ané started off: just wait till it’s my turn. You'll get drowned, “Ah, don’t give me any guff or I’ll fire the lot} ‘Ladies and gen’men, I comes befo’ youse dis/that’s wot.” of you out of here. I’m strong enough for that.”|ebenin’ to digust youon the question of de rights} Then he went off, and in passing the Old Man’s “You daren’t take it up.” ob ebery man to‘hab a equal share in dish yer earthjroom heard that ancient individual chuckling to “You're crawling, Shanksy.” and enjoy de same privileges dat every other fellow|himself. “Put up yer money if yer think we're codding.’”| does nevertheless notwithstanding, however, more-|_ “Ho, ho! that was the best yet. I don’t think “Yes, show der dust if yer spose we don’t know|over, on the other hand.” ‘igo home now. Didn’t he getsoaked, though? - wot we're talking about,’ Then he banged the table with his umbrella, took}We worked that up first rate, me and Charlie, I “Tfyou are not sick, Mr, Shanks, you ought to |another pull at the bottle and resumed: don’t think George will want to fool with mo after prove it to us,” said Josiah, anxiously. ‘* As T was saying, the influence of steam rail-|this.” “Go on,” said Shocty. ‘‘ Bet yer can’t take dat/roads and patent bullgines upon the dairy inierests| ‘‘H’m! den it was pop and der Kid wot done hat off der rail der fust try,” in a great country like dis, is not to be considered/me up,” muttered Shorty as he went on, “All _ © Prove it, Smarty,” chuckled the Kid. ‘Go on,|in de same light as de great preponderosity ob dejright forthem. Just wait tillT get a chance and athens. man,” colored race in de cultiwated regions ob de No’th/you’ll see what sort of a racket dem duffers will » Well, I will prove it,”,growled Shanks, jamp-|Pole, although, moreover and cireumpectly, wejget,” . 1g on the stool. ‘ may foresee great damage to the water melon] The first oneto get even on was the Kid, for that ‘Phen he bounced across the room, grabbed his|crop, while conversedly, considering the incredse|was harder than squaring accounts with the Old dieer by the lower part of the brim and gave it ajin epelarns, you can’t evade the customs lJaws|Man. ‘ yank, ‘ without some day reaping the benefits thereof,| Shorty put on his thinking dicer, and presently notwithstanding the ratio of ingrowing toe-nailsjevolved something good with its aid. to the inerease of crime depends largely upon a| There was to be a rehearsal the next day, and all: Papper understanding of the subject. Am I right|hands came to it, the Kid among the rest. or am I wrong?” Are you going to dothat stump speech again, Another sweep of the umbrella after this quo-jGeorge?” asked the Old Man with a chuckle. tation and away went hat and all off the table. | Thejoke was too good for him to keep to him- “Talking about the Chinese question, some|self, and he enjoyed roasting Shorty exceedingly. folks would never be satisfied with an equal dis-| ‘No, I guess not,” said. Shorty; “but maybe oking. 3 |tribution of land all over de seumfrence ob dejyou’d like to do it yourself?” MY “T'll show you whether I’m paralyzed or not!” earth, de fack is dey wants de hull earth dem-| ‘No, George, I’ve got enough to do without growled Shanks, , x selves and, segtting this point diametrically con- that,” returned Josiah. aay . * Then he grabbed that hat flercely and gave a|tiguous to the question es Yiviag © before stated,| ‘‘ Yer don’t catch the Old Man like that,” laughed « terrible tug. : that of woman suffrage, I think it behooves us to/the Kid. “ He’s up to snuff, he is.” z Rip! bring up our chillen to respeck deif elders an’| All the same, that little seamp was thinking how neber talk back to de ola folks, unless de club am|he could work a snap upon his respectable grand- los’ on de rawhide am down,de well, and even den/father. : it strikes me dat de wrongs ob de wo’kin’ classes} Shorty was laying for the Kid, the latter was in dis country am not at all disproportionate to dejready to soak the Old Man, and Josiah was plan- “Hallo, dad,” said that little raseal. “ Did it make you sweat like dat to get off dat speech?” ry No good! The hat stayed there and the manager’s fingers came away. _ “Yah! wot did we tell yer?” = net dg you’ll believe us, now?” Shanks turned pule, but he looked mad as well. - Old Man’ Burwick was astonished for he had always half believed that George and Charlie were p _. ‘This time the hat came off the peg and Shanks ‘sat on the floor rather suddenly. The whole hat did not come away, however. A portion of the brim remained on the wall just above the peg. metits ob de case, dat is to say, dat when publicjning how he could warm both of these jokers at one ‘It was nailed there and that was ‘the reason it|opinion comes attah youse like de tide ob de ocean, |shot and thus get square on them. & stayed. like a great oberflowin’ flood ob waters, it am| He did not approve of practical jokes, of course, Phe Kid had putin the nail while Shanks was on|time——” F but he wanted to give George and Charliea lesson the stage taking in the rehearsal. There was a sudden check to the orator’s flow ofjfor all that. ae The manager’s assistant knew all about it, of/eloquence, ° It made a big difference to him where the jokes eourse, but he said nothing, ( came from, you bet. — C “There! hayen’t I got my hat?” demanded CHAPTER IV.’ Well, the rehearsal proceeded, and everybody » Shanks, getting up. _| SHorry was in the middle of the stage making a/forgot all about rackets except Shorty. “You didn’t take it off der fust time, though,” |stump speech. ; Presently the Kid walked ee the stage to look laughed Shorty. He had just reached the point where he de-jat some new scenery that bad just been run on, it “And yor haven’t got der hull of it now,” tittered|scribed public opinion as like an overwhelming/having been painted expressly for thisengagement, — the Kid. flood of waters when he suddenly stopped. it It was Shorty who had run on the set, knowing eects looked at the wall and then at the dam- : It was that same overwhelming flood that/that the Kid would want to see it, ed hat. stopped him. i F : Charlie started up the stage, as I have said, but He took a vig tamble and began to langh. he Old Man and the Kid, one on each side of|he only reached the middle thereof when he ~ “All right, Petey!” he said to Shorty, “ but|the stage, suddenly appeared in the wings, each/disappeared. Zi i Bip -that’ll cost you the price of a new hat.” with a nozzle of a garden hose in his hands. He had stepped upon an unsupported trap, tnd © **And you a basket of POP. see?” f : Shorty gave them the cue and atthe mention ofjdown he went. d % “Oh, that’s all right. I'll set up the wine, but|the overwhelming flood they let drive. In another minute he found himself sprawling I know who’s going to pay for it, “That was the Old Man’s little racket on Shorty.|in a net held by half a dozen stage hands. Sy _ “You are, of course.’ He got that water right in the neck and on both} He had not fallen far, nor was he allowed to re- “Yes, you thiuk so,” laughed Shanks, ‘ but I|sides at once. main long in suspense. ; s ow how to flx up my expense account so0’s that] There was no more stump speech after that. Those six shifters shifted him in a jiffy, yi ‘basket of flzz’ll be there and yet not show,” and| The table was upset, and so was Shorty, in more}, They gave him the bounces, tossed him in a then they all laughed, : ways than one, blanket, as it were. ' og Just about now the Old Man’s big joke upon e sat down plump on the stage, whilethe water) Josiah ran toward the trap as soon as Charlie ae shorty came off. nad . soused all over him and the audiencefairly howled|went down, expecting to hearthat the young joker Josiah got Charlie to help him, and the Kid had} with delight. had broken bis leg. - ibs i ‘no objections, although he did not often put up| The crowd thought it wasall in the bill,and they] No such luck! } ght aie jobs upon his dad. — 4 cheered and yelled for more, ; ; Before he reached the trap the Old Man saw The thing was sure not to miss fire, however, if| The stage manager shoved on a front scene and|Charlie come shooting up chrough the hole in — he Kid took part in it, and maybe that was thelcalled for the sweet singer of ballads,swhile the|spread eagle style. ‘ ses ason that the Old Man got him into it. crowd still yelled, t Down he went in another moment, and then in It all came.about in this way, The Old Man turned off the water, se Be hisja jiffy he came up again, kicking out like a frog, Shorty used to baa good burlesque stump speech | hose and went away, remarking to himself with a) ; : atte ae eshe what does this mean?” thi old fellow demanded, : : aker in the old times, and he now. coneluded to|chuvkle: Shorty appeared at the back of the stage and W - putin an act of that sort in order to revive old| ‘“ Well, I don’t think Pil go back home just emories, : : ‘ answered : ‘© It means that that’s one on the two supers|silly.” Which was Bbot| Then: ti
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they let him down, and then skipped off in half a|‘t Nobody’s going to play any tricks on yer. What/Shorty were trying to pose them was something dozen different directions, THE SSHORTYS ON THE ROAD. are yer scared of?” Consequently the Kid could not tell who they} Just the same Shorty meant to work up a dandy wore, for by the time he had disentangled himselfjone on his poor old pop the first chance he got, from the meshes of the net his bouncers had fled. The engagement in Philadelphia was drawing When he went on the stage again, looking ratherjto a close, and Shorty determined to make the sheepish, Shorty said to him: show better every night, so as to go away in a “Great flight through the air by the Kid, per-|biaze of glory as it were. formed only with a net, Chawles.” “Didn’t know you was Spanish before, dad,” re- marked the Kid. ‘How so, Chawles?” “Cause you did der cast-a-net act, that’s all.” “Do you give maps with them jokes, Chawles?” Big act of yours, that is, nn I ll That night, when the curtain arose, the whole company was revealed, the Shortys, Shorty Kids and all, and the first part went off in rattling style. The best ballads, the funniest comic songs, the newest jokes, the latest thing in jigs, and the finest finale were all crowded into that hour, and the people got their money’s worth and no mistake, | a ———————— NY AN iS ae | iS il In The Old Man and the Kid, one on each side of the stage, suddenly appeared in the wings, each with a nozzle of a « “ Yes, full directions on each and every bottle. Before taken, to be well shooken.” ‘Well, you got the shake that time, anyhow.” “That's all right, dad,” said the Kid, “but 1 didn’t think you’d play roots on me.” “Oh, no—of course not,” laughed Shorty. ‘‘You’ve got a claim on all der snaps, I suppose? I gotter let you play me fora sucker all you, like, but I can’t do nothing, Oh, nol” “Well, we’re square then,” retorted the Kid with chuckle. “Yes, but there’s one due on the Old Man yet,” thought Shorty to himself, = Josiah evidently had an idea of what Shorty was thinking about, however, for he said crustily: “J.should think you’d had about enough of these practical jokes, Understand that if I see away up, but there was more to come, The monks were taken, and then the showman — skipped out with them, and Josiah was given his cue to go on. He knew what he had to say, and it was not very much, Shorty gagging his farces to suit himself, and so in he went and announced that he had come to have his picture taken. : i Shorty sat him in a chair and took aim at him ~ with his machine, when in popped the Kid, gotup as a dude, with a white hat, a young tree for a cane, and a-single eyeglass as big as a plate stuek in his right optic. : The Kid couldn’t see where he was gojny, of r ina | i isi / If y} garden hose in his hands, Then after the acrobatic act of the Shorty Kids, a song and dance by six comedians and a banjo exercise by four exponents of the art of banjo playing, there came the time-honored fake of “ The hotograph Gallery” by the Shortys, assisted by everal members of the company. Shorty was the photographer, Josiah was the countryman, by general request and for this oc- casion only, the Kid was a dude and the three boys were three monkeys just escaped from the museum over the way. Wies The Old Man hated farees when he had to take part in them, and always wanted to be let off after the drawing-room part of the show. Shorty persuaded him that the people wanted to see him, and insisted that the farce would not oy more of them I shall go straight home to New ork,” “You can’t go straight unless you fly, dad,” chuckled Shorty, ‘anda fine old carrier-pigeon you’d make, wouldn’t yer?” ‘More like a big goose,” added the Kid. “ All or J erseyites would get their guns when he came along. “Ah, you needn’t be afraid, dad,” said Shorty. goat all if he were not in it, Josiah, therefore, agreed to play the part of a countryman who comes to have his picture taken, Shorty assuring him that he would have very lit- tle to do. : Well, the thing opened with Shorty waiting for’ business, and being visited by a showman who} wanted his three monkeys photographed. The fun those kids made while the showman and course, and he fell against the Old Man’s chai and sent him sprawling. Yas Josiah began to growl, but George whispered that it was all right and to go on with the piece, Mr. Burwick had scarcely seated himself wh: in bounced those three apes, each by a differe door, and made a rush for him. He had not se6n the boys in their monkey make ups and he thought that three real babboons wer after him. Over he went and the chair was smashed to bits - while the monkeys went tumbling and eapering about the stage in the liveliest fashion, : Josiah was mad and frightened too, and he termined to get out of that without more ado, He started for the center door, when in came German band to get its photograph taken. _ : Josiah collided with the bass drum, and he a the drummer were both upset, the drum itse! rolling down to the footlights. Instantly young Cal did a balancing act on it, not in the bill, and got a round of applause. He dusted as soon as that mad Old Man got however, and'he, Pete and Ed skipped ont, Josiah was about to attempt flight a ent
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ; ei time, when the Kid whispered that the thing was|as the show was about to pull up stumps from! “ake the stage,” said George. ‘ Now, then, not yet over, and that he must keep up the fun. |Philadelphia and go elsewhore. Jimmy.” “Pun be blowed !” gasped the Old Man. “ You’re| They flnished up on Saturday night with a first-| Jimmy immediately lifted the young fellow off making a regular foolof me, and I won’tstand it}class programme, and on Monday took the train|his feet and steod him on his head, any longer.” for Pittsburg, where they opened on Monday| The orchestra made alot more noise, and the The crowd in the house did not hear him, how-|night to a big house. amateur got up, looking very red in the face. ever, and they thought this was the funniest thing] The next morning, as Shorty was standing in} ‘ That ain’t right,” hesaid. “ You want to give yot. front of the theater, having had business there, aime a chance.” ; It was not much fua to Mr. Burwick, although/smart-loozing epee: rather loudly dressed and} “ All right,” said Jimmy. “ You go for me now,” the Kid and Shorty were haying lots of it, wearing a good deal ofshowy jewelry, camealong,|and he'stamped his foot and stepped back. “Dis is my fader, boss,” said Charlie, and we|stopped and said: The young fellow went for him, but before he got wants our picter took, wif the brass band ahind| ‘I say, yon’re the boss of this show, ain’t you?” there fell through a trap upon a feather bed placed us.” “ Cert,” said Shorty, who had no mock modesty|beneath. “Oh, dat’s yo’ fader, h’m?” asked Shorty, put-jabout him. Jimmy’s stamp had been the signal for the trap ting on a huge pair of spectacles, “ Well, Isay, you givea pretty funny show, but/to be opened. “ “Yas’r, dat’s my fader,” answered the Kid, with|I can give you points.” ‘**Ouch!” yelled the loud young man as he land- ' agiggie. ‘Kin yer?” asked Shorty. ed on his back. Wall, he am bettah lookin’ dan yo’ is, an’ he| ‘ Why, yes, I’m a funny fellow myself.” He was immediately seized and placed on the ain?so much ob a dood,” sdid Shorty, and the| ‘Oh, you are, eh?” platform of'a star trap and suddenly shot up erowd howled, “Yes, lam, and I’d like to travel with your|through the stage. “How much more of this infernal nonsense is|show. Mp» and you ought to work it up toa good| He appeared to the sound of a erash of drums there?” growled Josiah, “I’m sick and tired of] pitch.” , and cymbals, in the manner of the harlequin in a Eeothte; There was nothing modest or retiring about this|pantomime. : “Only a little more, grandpop,” said the Kid,|young man, either, when cia came to size him up.| Unlike that spangled gentleman, however, he ~ “Come on; don’t be too breezy. It won't hurt| “Oh, you think you and me could make a pretty|came down on his seat with less dignity than good show, do yer?” asked Shorty, never letting|force, and gave a grunt. » eT DOes yo’ wan’ de brass ban’ behin’ yo’, son?”|OU that he was guying the young man with the| ‘Then two scene shifters, one on each side, grab- asked Shorty. , noisy clothes. bed the two halves of a flat and ran them on, “ et tant , "| «| “ I’msure of it. You wanttosee what Icando,| That fresh young man was just getting up, ney device besiden? eee ee a I’m just a la-la,I am. All the companies wanted|when he was caught between the two flats aud “@way, chile! how yo’ ’spects I kin fotygrab a}Me for this season, but I ain't giving away any pinned there. - tune? H’m!” ; talent, see?” ““Wow—ow—ouch! Let me out!” he howled. “Q9’se you kin, an’ I waw’ it too, elseLdon’ get| ‘No, I wouldn’t if I was you.” “Davs fust rate!” cried Shorty. “Dat’s der my pleter tooken,” ; ‘Of course not, I wouldn’t go with any jay|funniest thing I seen yet. You'll be worth about “ right, son, yo’ jes’ put yo’se’f in a nice gronp|Shows. I wouldn’t, but you've got a good one,|two dollars a week to this show.” r an’ I do de res’ ob it.” you have—that is, it could be made good if I was} ‘‘ Let me out of this, I tell you!” bawled the “Suppose you show me wot yer kin do,” sug-|right into the regions above. gested Shorty. ‘‘I can’t engage a feller unless I hen he got there two other fellows grabbed _ time, a puff of white shot out from the muzzle of| know what he is, you know.” him and sent him sliding down the steep and dusty the camera, : “ Ob, you'll find me a la-la, I tell you,” said that/stairs leading to the stage. ‘ That was flour and Shorty had shot it out with a|Young man with the hard cheek. | By the time he had made his way among pig gun he-had, right in the Old Man’s face. “Of course,” muttered Shorty, “‘ but I want terjflats and furniture, wings, set cottages, throne ‘fhe scene was closed in on this sudden change|See for myself. Come on.” steps and practical wells to the open etiee and from black to white and the audience just yelled, |, Then he led the way to the stage with a twinkle footlights, there wasn’t a soul in sight. fhe stage was cleared in a second and it took|im bis eye that meant a good deal, if not more. | Moreover, the lights were out, and only a glim- Josiah somewhat longer than that to recover him- aro ef ave Bice 5 per ie pone ae Nerd ae, Seen > CHAPTER VY. ‘Jpirant, as he brushed the dust off of his demon- ah Renaak ones, «. iG TAISEAKS and: Shragteled to Saonrr led the way to the stage, followed by the pteativy trousers: area caer 5 H , thought himself a la-la, an obody denice 6 soft impeachment, and nota “Dat’s most as funny as squirtin’ a hose plump SRC GOS aE ae earl b 7 ; in a teller’ face, ain’t it, pop?” chuckled Shorty, by Was anxious to give a specimen of his abili att panies ony ine bb hittik civ oh yon nesta : eo Beco ene: That little runt intended to put the aspirant forjgether,” continued the stage-struek comedian, as “You might have blinded me!” sputtered Josiah. Ms P’ . Be-8 , «Why aianee you tell me what was coming?” histrionie honors through a course of training whichjhe advanced cloar to the footlights. h w ahaiz q jin it.” novice, struggling to free himself, 4 bee aa the pabiclntemeaipod themnselves| Shorty admired the fellow’s cheek, but still he| ‘Chen Shorty gave the shifters the tip, and they behind him. ~ kept mum, removed those flats so hurriedly that the other “Phen Shorty rolled his camera up quite close andj,“ 2’m looking for a good man,” he remarked./flat fell slap on the stage, - swent off to get his plate, as he said. ‘ “How would you like to come with us?” Jimmy immediately grabbed him by the seat of 3 That was only to give the boys their cue, and] ““ Well, my terms ain’t the kind that ten cent his checked trousers, and lifted him up with the also to give the stage manager his, and then he|Show managers can touch, you understand?” ease of an old eat toting one of her kittens. game back and proceeded to take his group. “ Certainly.” A fellow up in the flies suddenly let down a rope He got under the black cloth, waved his arms| “I come high and if you must have me you’ve|with a hook on it, Jimmy slipped the hook into frantically and touched a bell. got to pay my figure, see?” the hamfatter’s waistband, and then up he went -» In came the three monkeys and perched them- selves on the Old Man’s chair, while at the same “Spoil half the fun, pop,” chuckled Shorty. that pertained thereto : wasire i peated to the empty air, i _ “ You never told me you was going to turn on the Tf ease ths young man showed any talent, he| ‘Play me for a sucker, willyou? Well, you're water. would be spared, but Shorty was pretty good atjall jealous of me, that’s what’s the matter. I can “That was different,” sputtered Josiah, as he ’ A ; fajszent off to his room, pretending to be digging the Ca Zane gia B sa at? bet lay clean over any man you’ve’ got in the show, _ flour out of his eyes. ny Dat's a good one on pop,” muttered Shorty, nie 2 | Pores haa don’t think he'll want ter go home/+oung fellow with the stunning clothes to wait aland at last, getting tired of talking to an empty In fact, Josiah never mentioned the subject, al- three of the into th h i 4 though he made Ginger stand around in lively heateal. . Se eee Note cluueheaas te re fashion when that coon came in to fx him up. He found the leader of the band, but all the] Then a door was opened, and aman came in. Neber see Marse Burwick so cross afo’!” mut-| others that he picked up were stage hands, door tered the nig. *T specs dem boys, Marse Go’ge|;-agpers and such. Roy wis n’ Marse Charlie, done been playin’ tricks on de) ‘The leader and three of these fellows, who had|that? What do you want here, anyhow? Trying My ole ge’man, I wouldn’ stan’ it if 1 was him, but|/peen given their points, went into the orchestra|to steal some of our scenery, are you? Well, you eae no sg he Sd gib me fits.” p i ‘Serves me just right for trying to get even on!” «Now, then, give us a sample,” said Shorty,! Mike was a sweeper, and he and the other man — i se boys.” the Old Man said to himself after-ltr5m a seat in 9 er tty box. grabbed that funny minstrel boy and shoved him a, wards, “It just encourages them worse than! ‘ho man with the dizzy raimentand the super-|into the street in short order. : the rockiest that he had ever listened| He knew well enough now that he had been r £ Ns e “Give us knock-about business,” said Shortyjit. i ie. Of course, he meant to tell the Kid about it, but before he could doso something happened, That mad young man left the theater ina rage, — ap flying. ; ou may have guessed, and inimed the embryo
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. — Thespian. ‘He thinks I went the other way. Vil] Josiah did not see the joke, however, and was/the crowd separated to allow those three fellows — fix him, I will.” now red in-the face with indignation, the unusual|to get their legs and arms out of the tangle, Poor Josiah was once more mistaken for his bad|exercise and surprise. The loud young man with the sample jewelry boy George. ‘ However, his time of deliverance was at hand. |shop was the first to get out of the muddle, Before he knew where he was or what was the} Shorty had just met the Kid on the other side of} As he arose his eyes lighted upon Shorty, matter his hat was sent flying into the gutter by,;the way and was about to tell him of that latest] Then he realized the mistake he had made. that mad actor’s fist. racket, . Oh, you’re the one, are you?” he asked. ‘Til fix you, confound you, just see if I don’t!”) Just then they both saw the crowd opposite and} Then he made a pass at the little runt, expecting eried the man in the gorgeous clothes. wondered what it was all about. to wipe up the walk with him. ag He was muscular, he was, and he grabbed Jo-| ‘ Let’s go and see,” they oth remarked in a} The Kid suspected as much, ran between his siah up, held him at arms’ length and began to|breath, a‘ legs and sent him sprawling. % shake him forall he knew. Ginger Jones was also out for a walk, forit was} Then he and George ran to the assistance of “« Play me for asucker, will you, you little sawed-/his custom to keep not far away when his master|Ginger, whom the Old Man was now kicking and off?” took his strolls, so as to be ready in case anything|pounding, jabbering away like a monkey the whole Shake! happened, : jtime. a «*Play me for a sucker, will you, you little sawed-off?” Shake! ‘‘ Put me through a course of sprouts again, you unde sized runt, will you?” More shakings. Poor Josiah could not speak, he was so astonished. More than that, the loud young man had fairly shaken the false teeth out of his mouth. With- out their aid the Old Man could not utter one coherent word. “Put me through a course of sprouts again, you{ That coon had stopped to flirt with a colored) Shorty got onto the whole business ipa undersized runt, will you?” nursery maid, however, and that’s how he had notiling. ae , More shakings. seen the first of the fracas, “ Ho, dat’s funny,” he chuckled. “ Dat bad acto “Think it mighty funny to make a guy of me, He saw the crowd now, however, suspected that|took der Ole Man fur me and gave him a laying you half-grown chump, do you?” Mr. Burwick was in trouble and put onaspurt. out, Well, if that ain’t good.” aa Another shake and a good one. When he beheld that poor Old Man in the air,| Between them the two little runts lifted Josi Poor Josiah could not speak, he was 80 aston-|above the people’s head, sputtering and struggling, |off of Ginger, the loud young man went his- ished, he was just boiling. bre unrejoicing, and Ginger struggled to his feet More than that, the loud young man had fairly) Regardless of consequences, he dashed forward,|2Ug himself out of his hat. s f shaken the false teeth out of his mouth. broke through the crowd, lowered his head and|, Josiah went on jabbering and Ginger kno» Without their aid the Old Man could not utterjwant f ‘ the cause, looked around for those store teeth, went for the loud young man full tilt. He found them lying in the gutter and cl ih one coherent word. . The latt it li A fi Hoe could only jabber and look indignant. like a Lodedeinted atts in pale Po aang "Pithem in the old man’s mouth, without first | The man with the noisy suit and the big watch| ‘That was not all that happened either. the trouble to wipe them off. : “Nice fellow, you are, to look after me tered Josiah. ‘Let anybody murder rs; chain pee his hand in now, and evidently meant to} Ginger’s shiny high dicer was made into a crush »keep ere. ; aii ? ; a iy ap you whether I ama goodcard or not ae TERY SORE CAG Ye ACOR AER er oo and Matt a hes chat ; eae b or your old show.” x x : ; snJe.| What have you done with those—ugh !” nea + hatu shaking Josiah did get! The loud young man dropped Josiah in a twink He fairly spit out his crockery masticators, ar : c i : ; : ling, aud that respectable old party straddled Gin-) : : “Don’t you look black and jabber at me, youl,..3 Ps while he was wiping them and his mouth Geo wiser neck. ce and Charlie eapommod: eh fen homely old midget! Make a sucker of me, will f ; Ginger found his master’s hat and tongue-lashing besides, the Old Man call you? Well, I guess not,” : Down went Mr. Jones, down went Josiah, and There were plenty of people looking on now and|@0w" went the loud young man also. 1 f they all thonght the thing was very funny. At this point Shorty and the Kid arrived at the/a)! the stupid donkeys and fat-headed ¢ . ‘They laughed and chuckled and took on at a|Seat of war. sould think of. | Thore was a great laughing and giggling, and’ Mr, Ginger Jones felt very unhappy, and if 7 St iss tay, 5 2 2 ne a Oe
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eas 7} THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ——_—————— ee OO TTeenn.nmnmnnmnnnAAAL_LE_L ne ad dared would have taken a round out of Jo-|mit me once before I clubs dat head off you, ain’t pons -no attention, however, to the cvon overs --siah, but.then that would have lost him his place,|it?” ead, and that was not what he was looking for. ‘‘ What yo’ want me fo’?” demanded Ginger, be-| Then there was a lot of operatic business by the ‘Shorty told the Kid all about the racket on the/ginning to tremble. “I hain’t done nuffin to bejfemale impersonator, and still no reference was would-be minstrel star, and the two jokers had|took up fur,” made to poor Ginger up in the air. lots of fun over it. “ Don’t gife me some more shin moosic once off] A farce followed, the scenes being changed sev- * And 0’ course grandpop had to come along just}you don’t want me to broke your head. Shustjeral times, and through the whole business Mr. when that chump was looking for blood,” chuckiedjyou come mit me, and don’t say noding about/Jones was in a state of suspense, the Kid, ‘ Beats everything, that old duffer’sluck|dat. I knows my duty, I bate you.” He couldn’t fall, being held by a broad, strong does.” “ Won’ yo’ wait till [gets my stick?” asked Gin-jbelt, but he could not get down either, and when- “ Regular Jonah to himself, that old chump is,”| ger, as the cop laid one big hand on his shoulder.|ever any one came on the stage, he would howl to jaughed Shorty, ‘and that’s where the fun comes| “Nein, you don’t was want a cane in dot chail|be let down, ba in.” once,” retorted the copper, At last a front scene representing a gorgeous % If we'd tried, we couldn’t ha’ worked up a bet-| Ginger had no notion of going to jail, however. drawing-room was shoved on, and in came Shorty - ter snap on him.” He had expected to make his escape by strat-jand the Kid in full evening dress to sing a topical “Oert’nly not, we couldn’t, and them kind o’/egy, but as that door was closed, he looked around)song. ; i _ snaps is the best after all.” for another. Hi-hi, Mistah Go'ge, Marse Charlie, lemme “Yes, and grandpop can’t blame us for ’em If strategy would not avail, force might. down outo’ dis,” yelled Ginger. ~ neither.” Not caring to risk another hat in butting, that) Shorty paid no attention to the nig but advanced The Old Man went back to the hotel very mad,| wily coon suddenly lifted one of his big feet and|to the footlights and rattled off these lines to a and began to talk about packing up, going home, meee it rene pe ahaa petals : lively air: and all that. ; own went that copper on the sidewalk, and). : ; 7 i a What’s the matter now?” asked Angie. “ Haye|Ginger took to his heels, z , eae ta paspendee hats ieapene eee George and Charlie been playing any more of their} The officer gave a yell, however, jumped to his| When all his affairs are just ina stew, tricks? It’s just a shame, that’s what it is.” feet, and gave chase. ; He’s in suspense, he’s in suspense; “Oh, it’s something George did to a young fellow| It began to look now as if that c6on would not] -When things go dead wrong, and to fix ‘em he tries, “with alot of cheap jewelry, and he took me for|get away so easily after all. feveney fo tal, aber Dnnon tes wink aS ji 5 ; ot very wise, ‘ eptse and gave ae declare, I won’t stand That he certainly is in suspense.’”” CHAP ges Vi. r This catch line seemed very Sup onEEns, consid- Down the street went that dandy coon, Gingerjering the state of suspense poor Ginger was in Jones, at full speed, pursued by that big fat Dutch|overhead. policeman, Having finished the first verse, Short The Shorty Kids followed close behind, for they|chorus, baice joined by the Kid: iy ic agp wanted to see the fun as well as the next fellow. “ Hels in suspense, he’s in suspense Cal picked up the nobby eaue which Ginger had He’s in a stew, don’t know what to doz dropped, and it was just as well that he did: Though wise lie may be, lie’s just like a baby, »| ‘That Duteh policeman was fat, but he could run, He's in suspenSe, he’s in suspense.’? she remarked, ‘You say yourself it wasn't|®04 that’s just what he diddo, : Neither of those jolly jokers looked up or seemed George’s fault.” 1 pe a ag suede vip ned we ate ge Bo to know that Ginger was up there in the clouds, “Well, then, he’s got to stop his everlasting eg where he asic Be rey Seo sake Sales as and so every time they said ‘‘He’s in suspense ge ae ip aerict, with eine er he ran plump into aman coming towards aie eo housewas convulsed. j vigor, told him I wouldn't go with him e . ell, there was a second verse to that ballad, didn’, and he keeps it up right along.” Bok Diack cenne os nocrlonae er itis got UPland the Kid now unwound it. nie tallies playing any tricks on you,” said)" ss where Cal and the cane came pon. the ig ee {boodie’s in the bank and the cashier “T can’t help it if he wasn’t.. I got it all the/Scene. ; You're in suspense, quite in suspense; same,” snorted Josiah, and he began rummaging], The Old Man’s hopeful, ac fleet of foot, had) when at the pst you stay too late, and your wite’s ‘through his trunks, as mad as blazes, followed that copper pretty close and was now on the scout, ~ Angie let him rummage, while she went out for|#bout up with him, You're in suspense, you're in suspense. a drive, taking Cal and his cousins, or whatever}, 92eing Ginger’s danger, the young scamp thrust] When you go to see your Sunday girl and press your Jse you could eall them, with her. the cane between the fat legs ofthe Dutchman,| _ | | little suit, The Old Man did not return to New York, for|@nd gave it a turn. : Not Knowing if she may prefer some other fresh ga- z That was something the man had not expected. © could not do all the packing alone, nor could : he find Ginger Passist him, that wise coon keep-|_ He was tripped up as fine as you’ please, and for fear of a went down as solidas a house, ‘ ‘perhay : caadnaie aa = wig Ss sawing, ‘gad It behooved the boys to stir their stumps after ts If Ginger escaped the Old Man, he did not get|that, however. - away from the three boys, however. Ginger heard a thump, turned and saw the cop- When they returned from their drive they saw| Pe sprawling on the walk, let out a horse laugh, him, dressed up in his dandiest, just starting out and seooted off as fast as his rather rheumatic for a walk, t limbs would allow. : The Dutchman did not cateh him, and the boys ee A lark wits hen track, and Pote suggested | oot away also, leaving a very mad policeman por . ‘ ingafter them, — esticulating and saying ‘“‘ He’s in suspense,” and a ? ” “ee Pas si) it rattle ah auseg nat Coa ‘ Wait till I cateh dem boys once,” he remark- eat paying not the slightest attention os the poor ead thas won. da ) ST hi Habbing Ad 7j;ed, as he shook his fist at the runaways. ‘‘ Der/eoon in suspense over their head. id Do ae pe Bence ” 1s il ae 4 ans whole beesness was a skin, once, und I don’t be-| They sang another verse with the same refrain Benge COS CRO LOOM LONO YT -LOMBERS: ° “ellief me dot black mans was a escaped confict at/and then skipped out, poor Ginger yelling in vain inks he’s the dandiest coon in town, he does.”|a}j, already,” for them to come and let him down. Ginger Plan Bra enaality see ec with his|.Luere Were others waiting to give Ginger the) The old man had long ago gone home, after L Digg) x a at on es reel opie * x4 razzle dazzle, and if he had known about it helwaiting in vain for his valet, and 6o he knew ae sy “ie stuc r a 4 ea 018! would not have gone back to the hotel at all. nothing about the little racket. f | id 1 6-Wwale cu aves coat, his light trousers} Mr, Burwick, on account of his hearty exercise} Ho called Ginger all sorts of things in his ab- wor eee ee be ar Npecy al fairly] of that morning, did not feel particvlarly well thatisence and declared that he would fire the lazy ered with watch chain and seals. evening, and when the first part was over began|coon the next day and there hung the poor to get ready to go home and'to bed. moke unable to help himself and yet being con- “Won't stand being taken for George? Well, I’m ~ sure nobody but a fool would do that.” __ * Well, I’m not going to be at the mercy of every - fool,” snapped Josiah. “I’m going home, and you ¢an get yourself and California ready just as soon _ as you can,” . rs, Josiah did not like this, for she wanted to see more of the country, *T don’t see what you want to go home for now, loot, Or bec you’ll go spinning at the toe of dad’s big 100: : You’re in suspense, you’re in suspense.” = This brought out more cheers and laughter, and then Shorty joined the Kid in the chorus. * He’s in suspense, he’s in suspense, ‘No fun he’s had, it’s quite too bad, Though he may sigh, to get down try, He’s in suspense, he’s in suspense,’? There they were, those two scamps, smiling, i ae Efibeas his attention being taken ‘ hat shaking : ie received was too much|sideréd a part of the show. ¥ hs ee ‘or him, and he felt like a rest. George and Charlie were cailed back, not b: gee Bokaoa the a e Der of cele street! He called Ginger, but there was no Ginger to be bine but by the audience, and had to sing hoe ic be ot td flocs 6 aa rant dis ey meti found, or five more verses, the crowd singing the is. of po: par who Bak mi a tee te There was a very good reason for this, which I/choruses with them and laughing to split them- al ‘Ae on man woo Mp Seed te h ‘it earth and | will explain. |selves over Ginger’s sad predicament. i Be: ps omaha Cal ry or “he that dandy|,. S00rty and the Kid had thought up a dandy| That was not all of it, either, Je oar {dst passed? Uae RO Bd ge Bir op: es ae ga serena Ginga donee Pees np ees jendee the ust after the first part was over an 6 curtain|borders 6 curtain went down for the last x Af seen him once, What was der metter| was down, LamobOay walled Ginger. {times a He started for the stage, thinking it was Mr.| None ofthe performers seemed to notice him “He's an escaped convict, and if you take him| Burwick, is . and after a tims the people in the house evidently ou’ll get a reward of a thousand dollars.” ; 5? said the Dutchman. ‘I dinks I vas got a As he was going across it, he was suddenly|thought that he was only a dummy coon and they So ip on dot money already once,” hen he wheeled around and hurried after the his arms, and then he was suddenly hoisted up in|subsijed and did not make any more noise. the air, : When the curtain went down he was out of sight, ‘ a crs Lins ape cit he the at ys ne and ee hou’ began ie ee rapidly, ia orders in rst entrance, that is, behin e| ‘Hallo, dere, you fellahs down dare, wha’ de SE eg toed be Foe xan a hurried|curtain apd in frout of any scones that might be mattah wif youse?” he yelled. “Lemme down out : aght 1 . < run across. ob dis.” ; : d ubled him up, and the stick was knocked) When the curtain was rung up again, there he] ‘ Who’s making all that noise up there?” de- “s ; : _. }was, up in the air, in plain sight of the audience,!manded the janitor of the house. , himmel!” muttered the Dutchman, with] yelling and kicking for all he was worth. “Tt’s me, boss, lemme down out 0’ dis,” yelled “ Vot you vas trying to do, ain’t it?” A coon in full dress, hanging up there like a|Ginger. é spider, just overhead, was something to make any-| ‘ Hallo! there’s a nigyah up there,” cried one of body laugh, and the andience howled, while at|the stage hands, beginning to put out the lights. - the same time they wondered what he was there] ‘’Co’se dey is. Dis de fus’ time yo’ fin’ dat out?” for. | __janswered that disgust | Asong and dance team min’ ‘“ a f- Ginger was ha his stick without regard to grabbed, a belt was thrown around him, just underjforg to look at him, particularly as he gradually © - ted coon, “I’se been yellin” —
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ox)... THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “Make that coon come down and then fire him| Thestage hands hauled him up and let him down|at the time, enjoying a smoke and telling aselect out,” muttered the stage carpenter. half a dozen times, and finally, when he was noticompany of their friends all about that little — They were very innocent, those fellows, and you|quits so breezy with his chin, let him down forjracket on the coon. would have supposed by their talk that this was the/good, Ginger went home alone and turned in, feeling first they had known of the poor coon being up| His trip tothe top had not been a pleasant one|that life was very dreary to him, especially when there. by any means, 6 was obliged to travel with a minstrel troupe, = cy | | ] | Hii oe A a oes Aad Se uae Fm ul ; by i _T_Tiriiimn tim. B There they were, those two scamps, smiling, gesticulating and saying ‘‘ He’s in suspense,” 2 c. and yet paying not the slightest attention to the poor coon in suspense over their head. fon They sang another verse with the same refrain and then skipped out, poor rate Ginger yelling in vain for them to come and let him down. : a Pa They unhitched the rope, which had been carried] He was hot, tired, cross, covered with smoke and|and he made up his mind that the sooner his boss to the flies, and let Ginger down so suddenly that|dust, and looked as if he had been crawling through|got sick of the whole business and made tracks for he thought he was going to be smashed into bits. |gas pipes. \ ; New York, the better he would be pleased. ee He gave-a yell as if he thought his last moment| They let himago, and then he went about trying| That song, “ He’s in Suspense,” was a great go” was due, and then they went easy on that rope and|to find Shorty, the Old Man, the Sid or even thejin Pittsburg, and Shorty and the Kid sang it every _ let him down more gently. : boys so as to make a complaint against the stage|night after that, but not with the coon swinging Then they were about to release him, but he got/hands. t over their heads, as upon the night ofits firstin- buffy and threatened to lick them all as soon ashe} The Old Man was snug in bed at that time, and|troduction, ia Ey had a chance. ' Be: did not know anything about the matter and| The show itself was a great go also in the nat- — “Oh, that’s how you feel, is it?” said one of the|Shorty and the Kid had left the theater. ural gas city, and Shorty was sure ofa good full — crowd, witha laugh. “ Haul away, Tom,” That luckless coon had no one to listen to his|week and longer if he had cared to stop, = Ginger was, yanked off his feet and danced onjtale of woe and be went away feeling very sad| Mr. Burwick had forgotten all about haviagy ' nothing in a jiffy. and | go home without Ginger the next aay, and th at “Lemme down agin, yo’ fellahs !” he demanded, Tright, for iy. ee aa 4 id lonely. ; George and Charlie were in a neighboring hoteljcoon escaped a scolding, which was a Ne DI «hab epae ctor Pe
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ON THE ROAD. “THE SHORTYS and were|splurttered, when he reached his dressing room, “Why, I might have been killed if that thing had © struck me.” Ginger Jones presently reported that the thing was nota cannon ball after all, and then the Old Man was madder than ever. “T just declare! I won’t stand any more of this nonsense,” he growled, ‘It’s getting worse and worse every day.” “Yo’ didn’ get hurt, did yo’, boss?” asked Gin- “in the event of his getting it he would probably|snaps on each other, turned flip flaps, have told all about his being strung upall the even-|presently summoned to the school-room by the ing, and-then the Old Man would haye made ajringing of a big bell. great kick. In the second scene, which was the school- _ Pop,” said Shorty, a day or so later, ‘‘ we want jroom, the master was discovered at his desk, the you for the farce to-night.” boys were all in their seats, the Dunce was on his ~ Now Josiah had played in too many farces, and|stool, and all hands were busy. learning their les- he was not going to be put in any more of them. sons. : There seemed to be a fatality connected with| The Kid, as the good boy, in a big, ruffled collar, farces and every.time he played in one something|short, white breeches and lace frills, sat beside the “unpleasant happened. “Twon’t play in your old farce,” ** You'll play some trick on me if I do, “Oh, pop, we never play tricks,” said Shorty, seriously. “Course we don't,” added the Kid. ‘ We’se - good boys, wo is.” , ei yy - — “How about that photograph gallery farce?” asked the Old Man, with considerable vim. “Well; what about it?” -“Yidn’t you blow flour in my face and nearly _ blind me?” he snapped. is! eh the whole sehool, . his deepest voice. ae Yas’ ‘ What’s your excuse this morning?” “ Slippery.” “Oh, it was, eh?” Josiah had a pretty good momory sometimes, it ’ Yas’r, an’ eye’y step I took frontways, I slipped two hind ways.” appeared. ; «Then how did you get here at all?” _ * Why, dat was in it, pop,” said Shorty, soberly. You had a right to keep your eyes shut,” “Course you had,” * Any fool but you would ha’ done it.” “Well, I don’t play in any more farces,” as- ‘serted Mr. Burwick, positively. ; He would have been wise if he had stuck to that decision. “Ah, go on, you old Jonah,” sneered Shorty. What yer seared o’?, Yer know very well theland sat down. folks like to see yer, and’ you’ve got lots o’ friends in Pittsburg,” _ Yes, and they feel sorry to see mein this busi- ness,” answered the Old Man, shortly, «Ah, go on,” snorted the Kid **Oan't take a seat,” “Why not?” *« Well, then, sit down,” umping up. ! L Well, what is it?” “ Patsey Bolivar am eatin’ apples.” es get mad. “Make Shanks get out a} “Just yo’ min’ yo’ own business,” lot of expensive printing, bill you big, spenda hep Buoete. “Tattle-tale, bob tail, ride him t’s|tattle-tale,” ©? money on you and then go back on him. allright, you can do as you like, of course, but it’s rough on Shanks,” ® That settled it. Mr. Burwick liked Shanks, because the latterjand Shorty Sang out, never worked off snaps on him, and because he} The teacher always treated him with the utmost respect, } 7, Therefore, when Shorty accused him of not e¢ar-|board, _ ing if Shanks Jost money or not, he was greatly Bang! touched and felt guilty of having done something mean. _ Shorty turned to go away, hotel, and the Kid joined him. Then‘Josiah relented and called them back. -* Hold on, George,” he said. ‘You didn’t tell - me that about Shanks before.” ginning to cry. with a terrible racket, to laugh. ‘ ee Sf) down. - eranky.” and hurled it at the Kid. _ Well, I'll play in your farce if I don’t have much to say.” J thought you would,” said Charlie, Yes, I'll play, but there mustn’t be any funny _ business,” “Ab; yer make me tired, always suspectingjagine the result. omebody,” said Shorty. ; ‘ “Tf them Kids plays any roots on yer, we'lljpulled out a lot of stuffed bricks. > on 7em,” said Charlie, * particularly that Cal of _ yours. es That was a point upon which the Old Man wasjtoés, apples and tomato cans, he most cranky, That is “California is a good boy,” he sniffed, your boys, Peter and Edward, who teach him badjthe same. Babits.” Well, * Teacher, he’s firing things!” yelled not continue the subject, cept - Josiah would get rattled and at ¢e business altogether, ou remember that old negro sketch of pre pont i course you do, with Patse unce, the old schoolmaster and all that, That was the one they were going to do, with| ‘ Hold on!” he yelled. orty as Patsey Bolivar, the Kid as Hambone Mis-|going to do any funny business.” ts, the good boy, and the bass soloist as Dr.| He might have known better. hrashem, the schoolmaster. The Old Man wanted a api where he have to say much, you will remember. _ That settled it, and the Old Man gave He was Aven the character of the Dunce, and |jumped off the stool and dusted, Ba fo stand ona stool with a big white cap on his ~~ Shorty always played those old sketches to suit ack out of thejthick and fast. . ; head with a brick. ; § CHAPTER VII. the book, ‘ t first the Old Man objected to playing the Dunes, but when Shorty told him that it was “en thinking part, and that be would not be obliged|s - ‘to say anything, he withdrew his objections, Ail the same, he ought to have known better. Old Man was concerned, took to his heels was a caution, enting a street with the boys and girls going toljig. ool, and here was introduced a lot of the old- ime minstrel business, which everybody still|have seen that big football strike the bounce uy master, who now called up the first class, Just then in came Patsey Bolivar, the butt of “ Who discovered Ireland?” asked the master, “ Patsey Bolivar!” yelled the entire mob. “You are late again, sir,” said the pedagogue, in r, but I got a ’seuse,” said Shorty, taking an envelope two feet square from under his arm. “Caught a ride on a sleigh. He, he, thought I|to leave the theater. supplemented Charlie.|was going to get off dat ole gag, didn’ you?” . «Make a seat, Sir, and stop your noise,” “Cause dey’re all screwed down to de floor.” “ Why didn’t you say so?” and Shorty grinned “MTeacher!? suddenly yelled the good boy, , ' Shorty was on One side of the stage, the Kid was * All right, then, don’t play in it,” said Shorty,jon the other, and the Old Man was in the middle. “Teacher, make him stop,” cried the Kid, be- * Gome out here, Patsey,” said the schoolmaster, id him across a bench and pe Age on the back door of his baggy breeches with a the scene being the} Then Shorty went back to his seat, crying andjlina,” wailed that holding on to his stern, while the good boy began|the worse if I don The Old Man’s dunce cap was sent flying. is took the Old Man in the back of the neck. ag neh the shot with a big fat sponge. As it happened to be full of water you can im-|grandson’s Shorty and the Kid both snickored, but they didjthat those two jokers took aim at each other. that if they did) The Old Man got every shot, and they came Then the school-master hammered on his desk “§chool,”|to enforce silence, and Shorty took him on thejintroduce a little novelty in our show, for in- Bolivar, the| The Old Man tried to dodge those many missiles, but could not, and the shower continued. “JT thought you weren’t “himself, and put in a lot of new business not in} Tax old-time minstrel farce of “‘The School in an Uproar,” ended in one, for a fact, so far as the Shorty, with a comical grin, Hoe thought that Shorty was going to throw albroad guage smile. ure-enough cannon ball at him, and the way he yy 4 up. ‘ ys and girls did a song and dance, playod “T won't submit to any more of their jokes,” he \ TE hes 4 ; ce Weal £ ifn . at nea | ‘hoss,’ you stupid tlockhead. I won’t have it. Do you understand?” “Yas, b——yas’r, I reckon I do,” stammered the coon. : “Thon see that you remember it, you worthless old nigger. I won’t have anybody calling me spoaae I ean help it, and just you remember that.” M “Wow! de ole ge’man am on him ear an’ no mistook!” mutteréd Mr, Ginger Jones to himself when he got away. “That’s just the last practical joke I’m goin to stand,” continued the Old Man, as he pecnieet “The idea of George throw- ing that thing at me! Why, it was enough to scare me to death,’ “J won’t have any more of it, I say, and they’ve got to get along without me, or do the next best thing.” When he reached the hotel he told Angie about it, and said that he was going to pack up and re- turn to New York that very night, and that she and Cal must go with him, ; “ Yowre not going to do anything of the sort, Josiah Burwick,” the lady replied, with ¢onsider- able acidity. “Iam not going home, I’m going to stay here till we leave for Cincinnati and then I’m going there.” : “™hen I’ll take Cal and go alone,” sputtered Josiah. - No, you won't, for Calis going to stay with me, * But those wretched jokers will be the death of me,” sobbed Josiah, * Then let them alone,” returned Mrs, Josiah, ** [ never touch them !” * Yes you do, you piay tricks on them and then they want to get even, as they call it. If you paid no attention to them they would soon stop their muttered on a rail, There was a big torpedo there and it went offjnonsense.” “You don’t know themas well as I do, Ange- poor old duffer, ‘* They'll be all t mind them.” “Well I’m going to Cincinnati anyhow, for I fix you fo’ dat,” muttered Shorty, sittinghvant to visit some of my ‘friends who live there. You ean do what youlike, but I’m going to stay.” “Well, I didn’t think you was going to be so| He took a bigred flannel,tomato out of his desk] Josiah did not go back to New York that night. He did not go the next night either, and when the show went on to Cincinnati he went with it. the good} His wife’s words had given him an idea, and he meant to act upon it. ‘He would not be passive under his son’s and jokes, but would play one upon them that would just make them sick for one while, Shorty jumped up, ran to the fireplace and| Give him time, and he would get up just as good a joke as Shorty and work it off just as well, too, With these he began to bombard the Kid, the aan then he’d see who had the best right to giggle, latter retorting with bottles, cannon balls, pota- i When Josiah set out to work off a snap he did not care how much money it cost, and this one to say the real articles were not used,|necessitated the outlay of considerable boodle be- “Tt is|but only theatrical properties made to resemblejfore it was finished, He stumbled upon the materials for his gag on there was something funny about the way|the day of their arrival in Gincinnati, but he said nothing to anybody abont it. The next morning he said to Shorty as they were all at breakfast in the Grand, *T have been thinking, George, that we might stance——” “We are got everything new dere is, pop,” said orty. : i Here!’ some old chestnut coming, I s’pose,” snickered the Kid. “Why don’t you let your father state what his Just then Shorty flred a big, fat, rubber foot-ball,/idea is, 1f he has one, George?” said Kate, Shorty’s would not|which looked like a cannon-ball, plumb at his head.|wife, “Yes,” added Caddie, “you and Charlie won’t one howl 5 He ought to have as give him any chance at all. good ideas as either of you,” *« Better, I think,’ stu¢k up for the Old Man, : *Ohawles, we are sat on-vyery m \ uch,” said “Yes, popper, we are,” said the Kid, with a “My idea is,” continued Josiah, “ that if you and Charles came in and took your seuts after all Of course the rest of the fellows all howled, and|the rest of us, instead of being there when, the Mhe first scone in the farce was a front one, rep-|the scene was closed in with all hands dancing ajcurtain goes up you would get more applause.” “ Dat’s old, pop,” erjed Shorty and the Kid to- Josiah never looked behind him, or he might|gether. 7 f floor and} ‘* You never did it if itis old,” remarked Angie, “Thus, you see, instead of doing all that ol U 1 3 “Thare’s no harm in trying it, that [ean see.” ger. “Yes, I did, and don’t you dare to eall me * } ut in Angie, who always _— gray 4
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. business of’ banging your tamborine on your head|all been studied up beforehand, but it had nof, all/pretty soon. It won’t hurt yer to be a little — and rattling ‘the bones in the overture, you come/the same, and that’s what made it more funny. obligin’, I reckon.” in after the overture and a fine opening chorus,) The Old Man now signaled to two stage hands,| ‘* But I shall have to black up again.” and there you are,” said the Old Man. who had been previously instructed, and they| ‘‘No, yer won’t. Dey won’t see yer face.” “Dat ain’t so bad,” said George. *‘‘ You kin say|came on, touched a couple of springs, the fronts of; ‘ Well, I’ll help you out this time, but you must dat we’ve been playing at a mat in New York, and|the cages swung open, out stepped the prisoners, /get the other man to-morrow, sure,” dat you expect us by der next air-ship.” and then in a jiffy the chairs folded up again re-| ‘‘ Oh, yes, pop; we’ll get him.” «That's it, and then you’ll ba sure to get a lot ofjsumed their proper shape, and the music boxes} ‘To be cert we will, goy’nor,” ‘ applause all to yourselves,” played “We've both been there before many a) Having persuaded the Old Man to act the hind The ladies were all in favor of the change, and|time.” legs of the prize mule, it was now only necessary this fact greatly aided the success of the Old Man’s|. ‘The laugh was on Shorty and the Kid, but thejto give him a few instructions, snap, for there was one hidden away under thisjact was a funny one all the same and Shorty deter-| He wore black tights, and only his legs showed new idea of his, you may be sure. mined to have it done regularly every night. when he got inside the mule’s body and caught “All right, pop,” said Shorty, “we'll try der} New chairs were brought on and the performance|hold of the cross seat .of the frame upon whieh it new biz to-night.” proceeded as usual, was built, “Guess der ole snoozer ain’t going home after} ‘ Wonder where pop got der.tiwo infernal ma-| The curtain went up upon a rural scene, with a all,” remarked Charlie to George. chines?” asked Shorty of the Kid, after the first/house, and a well, and a fence, and all that, and” Neither of the little jokers suspected any racket,|part was over. then 1n came Shorty and the Kid, each armed with and, having secured their consent to the change,| Charlie had been investigating affairs and he re-|a split barrel stave. the Old Man was happy and felt that his snap/plied: ae “Mo’nin’, Brudder Flapjacks,” said the Kid. was already ali assured success, * . “‘Dere was a sale of trick scenery and other|‘ I’se come down yer to do a lilly bit of tradin’ wif That night when the curtain went up, there/stuff yesterday, things belonging to a busted uplyouse.” was a vacaut chair on either end of the semi- ppectonle troupe and grandpop bought them two] ‘ Wha’ yo’ got ter trade, h’m, Brudder Sunfish?” circle and the audience wondered thereat. chairs, Had to pay dear for ‘em ’cause a couple o’|janswered Shorty. : They seemed to be just ordinary, every-day, cov-|Jew dealers ran him away up, Stage carpenter} “Jess de eutes’ muel yo’ eber see in, yo’ bo’a ered chuits just like alltho rest, but they were not,!was dere, but the Ole Man told him not to say|days, Flappy mah boy.” all they same.” Jnuthin’ about it. He fixed der chairs up so they’d}] ‘‘ Bet yo” he ain’ no eutah dan de muelI got The Old Man beamed upon the audience, arose,| work,” adready, boy.’” ; swe advanced a few steps, and said: ‘* Wull, that’s one for bis nibs,” said Shorty, “and} ‘“Ijuss bet yo’ a ba’l ob cider he am, my fren’, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to an-|a good one too,” an’ don’ yo’ fo’get it.” ee nounce that Shorty and the Kid have performed} “So it is, dad, and now it’s ourturn. Don’t you} ‘‘ Trot out dat yer muel an’ lemme'see him, den. the astonishing feat of ving an afternoon per-|think so?” ~ {Dat am de on’y way to settle der ’spute.” ; formance in the city of New York, and that they) Shorty did think so but nothing was done about! ‘‘A’right, I foteh um. Hi dere, Jimmy Brown, will appear this very evening, after having ac-\it just then, s come in yer,” bawled the Kid, stepping to the complished the return trip by telegraph. They) “T say, dad,” said the Kid to Shorty, a day orlwing. , are now coming a the wires, and will be herejso after this, ‘I know a good snap that we kin| That was the cue forthe mule to come in, and in afew minutes. We will now begin the even-|work on grandpop.” in he came. F | ings entertainment with the overture.” **So do I, Chollie,” answered George. ‘‘ What’s| He was a comical looking mule, he was, and — that set the big crowd in the Grand Operalyours?” ; everybody giggled. . House to cheering, for they expected that some-} “Mine's ginger pop’ with a stick in it, dad,”| He had ears like wings, his head was as big as a thing good was coming. ¢ chuckled Charlie. barrel, his legs were short and his body was seven After the overture and opens chorus, Shorty} “Ah, goon. I wasn’t asking yer to have some-|or eight feet long. i and the Kid walked in, took their seats, and were/thing. I only wanted to know what yoursnap| No wonder the people laughed when he came greeted with great applause, was.” . on, and they laughed louder when his tail sud- “Fastest time on record, hey, boys?” said} “ Well, it’s just this,” said the Kid, and he whis-|denly stood up straight in the air, the forelegs Shorty.. pered a few words in Shorty’s ear. man having pulled a string whichwas out of sight, - “Had to black up before we left York, didn’t we,| ‘‘'That’ll do fust-rate, if der Ole Man wiil onlyjand which worked the caudal appendage. | : pep, didn’t have time to do it on der way?” bite.” “ Whoa dar, yo’ Jimmy Brown, whoa!” cried : ‘Phen both the little runts had to get up and bow] “*Oh, he’s sure to do that.” the Kid, banging that mule under the tail with his their acknowledgments, sitting down when the| ‘“I’d’n know; he’s pretty skittish about going|split stave, . ; applause had subsided, into any farce snap after we’ve worked so many| Josiah Burwick a that crack just below th hen Shorty sat Gown, a music box of very|rackets onto him,” - |base of his spine and he gave a dandy jump when strong tone was heard playing ‘‘ Razors in the Air,”| “Well, we can fix this all hunk. Don’t sayjhe got it, too, jen right under his chair, nuthin’ about it till we’re nearly ready.” He had ‘not been looking for anything of that . Strains of music also issued from the Kid’s cor-| ‘*That’s s9, and then tell him the other fellerjsort and be was considerably surprise 1. ee _ nar, the tune being ‘‘ Johnny get your Gun,” play-|was took sick and had to go home.” + “Ouch!” he grunted, as he gave a jump,- By ed very loud. “That’s the ticket, dad, and der Ole Man’ll bite} ‘* Whoa, I tell yer!” then cried Shorty, giving That was only one feature of the chairs uponjsure enough,” " him another crack, oes which the little imps sat that night. That evening after the first part, when Josiah} That made Josiah jump again and the people They were somewhat astonished, and the audi-|was dressing, Shorty and the Kid entered hisjroared. — ‘ \ fy ence yelled, but Shorty resolved to stick it out. room and Shorty said: * Never did see such a or’nary bad actin’ muei The Kid coneluded to get up, however, thinking] “Say, pop, we want yer to be de hind legs of ajas dat,” muttered the Kid, “Keep still, can’t that the music would stop if he did, mule,” ‘ ouse?” 3 Up he rose, and tho anthem ceased in an in-| “Yes, de oder hind legs has been tooken sick,| Then he whacked the mule again, as if that _ stant. and had to skip.” would mend mattersany, — B i Shorty likewise got up, and both boys bowed. “ And you ean do it just as well as he can.” « Just yo’ let me get at him,” said Shorty, and “Dat'll stop der music, I reckon,” remarked] “You ean play de hull mule easy enough,” put/with that he basted that mule’s hind quarters. Shorty. in the Kid, “and der hind legs oughtn’ter be any} “ Wow!” snorted the Old Man, kicking out one “Oh, we're all here, fellers,” said the Kid. trouble to you.” leg in the hope of catching Georgie or Charlie in — The erowd howled, and then George and Charlie] Josiah looked considerably astonished at this re-|the shins. sat down, x quest, and asked in surprise: This was not the sort of thing he had expected - The music continued playing until the end of) * Play the Mind legs of a mule? I don’t undez-jby any means... E the tune was reached, and then there came some-stand,” : ( “No wonder the other fellow was taken sick,” thing like an explosion. ““Why, dat’s easy enough, pop,” said Shorty. jhe thought. c gee Then the bottoms of the chairs dropped out, the| ‘ Kasy as breakin’ yer neck,” added the Kid. “ Don’ tink much ob dat mue! ob yo’n,” grunted backs shot up and then tumbled, over, and there} ’‘ Well, you must explain, for I really do notjShorty. ‘I got one m’se’f, an’ yo’ don’ hab te were Shorty and the Kid, each in a cage. know what you mean. How can I be the hind legs}whack um eve’y time yo’ wan’ him todo anyfing.’ “Up for Six Months,” was the legend on Shorty’s|of a mule, I’d like to know?” : *Can’t Vink wha’ done got into dat muel,” mut prison, while‘ Dude—Very Dangerous Case” orna-) * You kin be the whole mule, pop, when you getitered the Kid. ‘He neber ack so befo’, neber.” mented the front of Charlie’s box. yeriback up,” laughed George. : “Wull, he am standin’ still now, anyhow,” r The house just got onto the snap in a jiffy, and) ‘Oh, it’s this way,” explained the Kid. “Twojmarked Shorty. ‘Show me what he kin do, Brud howled itself hoarse. fellers gets intoa dummy what looks like a mule’s/der Sunfish.” 4 ‘That was Josiah’s gag, and the boys hadn’t tum-jhead and body, and one is der front legs and der| “ Whoa, mule! come roun’ yer,” cried the Kid, bled, s oder is der hind legs. Can’t yer see dat?” and the mule came. - can «Ah, glad to'see you where you ought to have] “Oh, ah, yes, I begin to undgrstand.” ‘Stan’ on free legs,” and the mule did it, raising _ been long ago, George,” said the Old Man. ** Well, the feller that does*der hind legs haslone foreleg, zs “Hey, grandpop !” yelled Charlie, took sick,” said George. “Jump upin front,” and the forelegs left the © Well?” = “And we want you take his place,” added Charlie.jground for an instant. 4 ‘« Fetch Georgie’s cage over next to mine so’s we] “ All yer gotter do is ter get under der Gummy| ‘ Now jump up behin’,” commanded tho Kid, kin play checkers wid our noses between der bars.”|and kick,” Josiah knew that he was expected to jump, bu “You won't have any chance tO do that till your} ‘‘ Oh, he can do that fust class, he’s a dandy|he did not do it, all the same. ; a time’s up,” said Josiah, - kicker, he is,” He was not going to run the risk of tumbling al “Hallo, pop!” bawled George, “Den me and Chawles brings dat trick mule injin'a heap on the stage, —~ ; * Well?” and shows o*f his good points.” _~ "| What he did do was to kick out one leg. “You can’t see us now, you know. Can you tell] “ Dat’s all dere is to it, grandpop, and all yer} “H’m! I gotter teaeh dat yer muel suffin’, T why?” Ph ; gotter do is ter jump sean when we holler.” reckon,” said the Kid. apes “Why can’t I see you, George?” **Can’t you find somebody else to do it?” asked} Whack! “Because we're eneaged. See der joke?” Josiah, trying to hunt up some good excuse for} Whack! oe “Tf he letus out after dat, pop, der people would|sneaking out of the thing. |. Josiah got two famous cracks in the rear kill us,” wailed the Kid. “Dero ain’t any one small enough, pop,” saidjtime. . \ “Perhaps you will behave yourselves now?”/Shorty. “De oder feller is just your size.” Shorty gave him one and the Kid presented hi asked Josiah, p : v “Why can’t you get one of the boys?” pursued|with the other. ‘ : it) “Sey, Ole Man, we're going to argue dis ting/Mr. Burwick. - | “Wow!” he howled, jumping three feet. - out—we’re admitted to der bar, you know.” “Dey ain’t big enough.” That's just all ’m going to stand of this _ ® Behind der bars, you better say, Gawgie.” | “Oh, come on, grandpop,” interposed the Kid,jof thing,” he growled. - The audience supposed that this business had “ What yer beefin’ about? We gotter do dat and —_——
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. cg ; GHAPTER VIII. “Well do that act every night,” addedjit over, he made up his mind to do something r Shorty. “It took immense.” that would make them tired of fooling him. ‘JostAH Burwick had all the fun he wanted! ‘‘ You'll be sorry for the way you've treated) It took time to think up good snaps, how- out of that mule business. me,” growled the Old Man, starting to leave thelever, and besides, he would have to get lim- -Shorty and the Kid had been pasting him|stage; “‘ when I go away and your old show|bered up after the basting that Shorty and the with barrel staves on the bosom of his knicker-jhas to break up.” Kid had given him before he could settle down bockers until he was tired and sore. “When yer goin’, pop ? asked Shorty quietly.|to the business of revenge. _ He would not be the hind legs of a mule any|‘‘ Leave'us a lock o your hair when you go,| Jy the meantime something else took place longer, if he knew himself. won’t you ?” which Isball have to tell you all about The way he chucked off that dummy body] As Josiah had scarcely more than one lock of f : ee ad was surprising, and out hecame in plain sight,|hair altogether on his head, you can imagine Tt had been some bate ae the Kid ee a as mad as a hornet. \the effect this flippant remark had upon him, Shorty had played a trick upon Shanks, an He shook his fist at George and Charlie, and} He was so mad that he could not speak. they both concluded that one was about due sputtered angrily: | Away he went to his room, and George re-|2OW- : “T tell you I won’t have any more of this|marked to Charlie: They did not bother him very often, but they Whack! Whack! Josiah got two famous cracks in the rear that time. Shorty gave him one and the Kid presented him es ah with the other. ‘*Wow!” he howled, jumping three feet. ‘‘That’s just all I’m going to ss stand of this sort of thing,” he growled. funn business, and I told you I would not inj ‘“ Dat settles der score with his nibs, don’t it, felt that they had to stir up old Longlegs now the first place.’ bub?” and then, just for the sake of old times. _ The front legs of the mule now skipped off,| ‘I guess it do, pop,” said Charlie. ‘“ He’s as} This was one of the times, and those two a ening and carrying the wreck of the rest of}mad as a cat with wet feet, though.” jolly jokers did not waste much time in ce eseatee imself with him. “Oh, he’ll get over that, sonny. Der madder ready a regular biscuit purloiner‘for old Shanks. _ ‘he-people in the house roared and howled\he is der sooner he gets glad again.” One day the latter was sitting in the box and clapped and cheered, and you could not} ‘He'd go right straight back to New York ifjoffice selling tickets when a lady came up to the ear a word that the Old Man said: it wasn’t for yer mother-in-law, dad, but she window and asked: He was in a white face, a white shirt and|won’tlet him.” “Say, are you the man that advertised for a lack legs, while Shorty and the Kid had black] ‘‘ Well, Mr. Kid, you better go and’get ready lady to join your company? I want to goon faces and were made up like two comical coons.|for that next act of ourn, or you'll keep der/the stage. I do, and my friends say I can do _ * What do you mean by banging at me with|stage waitin’ an’ get fined. See?” first rate. T've acted out in our town lots of oficks like that?’ sputtered Josiah. ‘‘ You! Josiah was as surly as a sore-headed bear thejtimes, and if you seen me you’d say I was the idn’t tell me that was in the act.” next day, and wouldn't have anything to say to|best you ever seen, and so I am. I can act _ Shorty was era swear ready to split, and so!any one. ou ” one Kid, but the Old Man was rip-snorting e was literally rather sore also, for the boys} “For heaven’s sake, gi i cs ve us a rest !” howled mad. : eS had given him some jolly good whacks with|Shanks, who was afraid he would be talked __ “It’s an outrage, that’s just what it is, and|those barrel staves, and the Old Man still felt)deaf, dumb, and blind if he did not look out. “Em going to leave your old show to-morrow, /|the stings when he went to sit down. - Well, if you want to hire me you got to pay ou see if I don’t.” “What's the use of trying to get square on|me big money,” continued the woman. “ You Dn =a Shorty now gave the sign to the prompter in|those boys?” he asked himself. ‘Even if I do,jcan’t get me for nothing, you can’t, and don’t the wings, and a flat was shoved across, closing|then they get Mi something a good deal worse,|you forget if. You never seen me act out, in the scene. _ land I get left all around.” didn’t you. Well, you——” i ; -“ You done that bully, grandpop,” declared) That was about the size of it, but Josiah had) “I am not engaging any ladies,” shouted: 1e Kid. ‘Did you see how the folks was ajlearned that the boys would pla jokes upon|Shanks, “and I don’t*want tosee youact. Step in’? : him even if he did nothing, an alter thinkinglaside please. You are keeping those ladies ® we, 5] $
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yo Le aL eae Y a! Rey - NS ere, How many seats would you like, ma’am?” Shanks thought that the woman hé saw standing behind the first one wanted to buy|stammere tickets, and he hailed the event with joy. Judge of his astonishment, therefore, when|ladies walked in and began to talk at the rate one torment slipped aside merely to make room|of forty miles an hour, all arguing their claims for another, who said: “Tf you want a first-class singing lady for your company, you want to take me. jay, I ain’t, and if you take me you'll get-——” *"Fooled !” piped up a lady in the background.|bly he could get out that way. ‘ “You don’t want her at all unless ing for fakes. If you take me you'l ik 5 look- I ain’t nojlooked around for an avenue of escape. “ Great oe how did you get in here?” the manager. “YT don’t want——” Just then the door opened and two more as members of the new company. Poor Shanks was nearly distracted, and He ran up the window, thinking that possi- ‘The moment the window was opened he saw three women standing close to it, and all three “Ahem, if you want a good tragedy lady,” \began to talk at once. i ul | mn | | { ¢ What do you mean by banging at me with sticks like that?” sputtered Josiah, / eee TUTTI orton Troe CTH remain Tees iets aa atin Sat ee AS Re ee is a OTE THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. r head from a black bag on her arm, and cleared} “Ora tragedy—" fee her throat. They were all talking again and Shanks could not hear himself think. “For Heaven’s sake, hush up!” he bawled. — Come on the stage and I’) talk to you.” ; Shanks said this so as to get rid of the gang, for as soon as he got out of that office he meant to make a break. “© Oh, that'll be nice !” screamed all the girls. Those in the rear fell back and Shanks was given a chance to get out. As soon as he reached the lobby he made a dash for the door leading to the parquet. The tragedy woman seized his coat-tales, the leading woman caught on to tragedy’s wrap cas - ih | cl STMT “Now, what in thunder do you want?” asked the distressed manager. The racket began ing at{the tops of their voices. “Shut w on the she eard. in front of him. Once more there easier. oc I and 5 “Oh, what a story !” “What made you advertise?” “Tt’s just a fake.” _ “* You're real mean.” ““You’re just a skin.” “Tf you want a leading— “Or a good singing —” women, and|member of it han body talked at once, and in a dozen different|thought. again, all the women talk-|Shorty and the Kid. was silence in the ranks, and Shanks breathed|Kid. ‘ “Sh! let me get away,” muttered the mana- — ‘*Now then, don’t all talk at once,” he began.|ger. _ tell you Tm not engaging any company|waiting for me,” ging on to the one in front, like the tail of a kite. Shanks could not get away as easily as he™ Down the main aisle he ran, the gang t ing splitting|after him, till he reached the orchestra railing. ‘Great Scott! I'll never get. rid of them,” he muttered. , ie However, he gave a jump, leaped the rail and : dove down under the stage where he found ~ ‘Hallo, Shanksy,” said Shorty. ‘‘ What's ” howled Shanks, banging his fist/this? Practicin’ for a knock-about act, hey?” “You done dat dive immense,” remarked the “Let's see you do it again.” ““There’s about forty women out there ‘What do they want of yer, Shanksy? You ain't going to marry ’em, are you?” ““No—no, of course not. ’ I was going to get up a new company and they all want positions.” , “Going to get up a female minstrel troupe, F ny 7 omebody told ’em are you? : “ Haven't you got enough to do already?” rs : mss
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. fs \ ae - “idn’t think you'd go back on us like that,] In came Mr. Burwick, attended by Ginger, flag in the face of a bull would be to that short “Shanks.” and straightway went to his dressing-room. tempered animal. uy ~“Wait till de Old Man hears it and he'll] The coon was the first to go in, of course, so| “Keep it up, will you, in spite of my express kick.” as to turn up the light, et cetera. orders, eh?” } “But I’m not going to do anything of the| The goat had become weary of the solitude of Whack} kind,” stammered Shanks. “It’sall a mistake,|the place by this time, and Ginger’s coming AS id you want is a good basting, you do!” T tell you.” : aroused him. hack—spat ! __1)on’t believe there’s anybody there at all,”| ‘The first thing that the dandy coon was aware “Til teach you respect to your superiors, I said Shorty. of was a punch in the stomach from some invis-! will !” hy “Of course dey ain’t,” said. the Kid. ‘“Dat’sjible object. © | Slash—smack—whack ! . only a guy Shanks is giving us.” “Wow! Wha’ dat?” he ejaculated, striking} The old man had not lost the power of his “TDat’s all it is.” out blindly with his umbrella. good right arm by a large majority. “But L tell you the women are there,” per-| Billy got a crack between the-eyes, and that| He had lots of muscle left and he knew how to sisted Shanks. ; $ made him mad. ; : put it to good use. “© Well, then, let’s go and talk to them,” said] Up he got on his hind legs and made a charge Every remark he made was backed up with a Shorty, starting. at Ginger. crack of that shoe, and each crack was put in ‘Not that way!’ cried Shanks. ‘Let's goon] Ginger was hot when he got a biff in the where it would talk. ee the stage.” chest from that goat’s horns and went down. Poor Ginger tried to make himselfpsmall and He led the way, followed by Shorty and the), He fell against the Old Man in his sudden squeezed right up into*the corner, but Josiah id, ; : ifump backwards, and Josiah immediately sat|reached him at every shot. *Dere, what did I tell i? !”’ remarked Shorty|down with a force that loosened his false teeth.|. “ Hol’ on, Marse Burwick,” he grunted, when when they were all on the stage looking out} ‘Bless mah haht, wha’ dat?” sputtered Mr.|he got a crack in the hand he put up to shield upon the house. ; Jones. . his face. ‘‘ Dat’s ‘nuff, sah, dat’s nuff.” “Where's yer women?” asked the Kid. ‘I! Mr. Burwick had come provided with an um-| “Don’t you try to tell me what is enough and _knowed it was only a fake.” brella as well as Ginger, and he began to use it.| what isn’t,” sputtered Josiah, parting inger - "There were no women sure enough, only a| ‘Ginger got a crack on the.skull with it, but|in the ribs with his handy but very unusual ' dozenorso members of the company sitting|that was nothing. weapon. : _ about in the orchestra chairs. ‘ When the Old Man took him in the ear with| He was beginning to get weary, being unac- J Shanks looked very much surprised, as welllit, however, it was more of a circumstance. customed to violent exercise, and the sweat 4 as delighted. ’ “What do you mean by knocking me down poured off his bald head and down his fat iy Thank goodness they’ve gone!” he ejacu-jlike that, you clumsy fool?’ demanded Josiah. cheeks in big drops. ‘ lated. ‘ ‘ “Didn’ know I did it, ’t all, Marse Burwick,”| Poor Ginger was cowering and trembling in _. Suddenly a chorus. of shrill voices assailed!said Ginger, getting up. the corner, wondering what it all meant, for him: “Well, you did, you big clown,” snarled|he had not seen the Old Man in such a temper “There he is again!” Josiah, “and you want to be careful—” for years. ' F “ Now we ve got him)! t Just then that goat made a rush, missed Gin-| ‘* Don’ hit me no mo’, Marse Burwick, please ae Come on girls. F ger, and set the Old Man down again. don’,” he wailed. “TI don’ know wha’s de mat- { ye want that job, you fraud ! This time Josiah dropped his false teeth out|tah, ‘deed I doesn’t, but ef you ’scuse mé dis a Leading lady !” ;; : of his mouth. time, I won’ do it no mo’. idn’ go fo’ to call S ss Singin, comedian. Mr. Billy did not stop to pick them up, al-|yo’ out ob i? name, ‘deed I didn’, sah.” Saf Tragedy ! a 3 ; though they would have been a ‘choice morsel The Old Man was satisfied to let the thing - Shanks nearly jumped out of his shoes. for him, but skipped out instead. stop now, for he was Peery, well used up, _ _ He looked around, expecting to see that army| Those three Baa boys were on the watch for} “See that you behave yourself in future, of women behind him. : : F _ {him, for they didn’t care to let him roam around|then,” he sputtered, ‘‘and you won’t get pun- _. There wasn’t a woman in sight, either in/at will in the theater. ; ished.” - front or behind, or anywhere else, They captured and carried him to a safe He was not particularly good-natured, even | _ Then the minstrel boys in front let out a roar|place, gave him some old scenery to chew on, then, and Ginger was mighty glad when the of laughter, After that they all yelled again,jand left him. : dressing was through with. each in a female voice, just like those that had Josiah secured his teeth, replaced them and| Presently, being aces and blaeked up, Jo- so frightened Shanks, ‘ got on his feet, very mad. : siah went down to the green-room to wait un-* - Then that poor deluded man smelled a rat. When that quiet old gent got really mad, his|til it was time to take his place on the stage | _ ‘There never had been oe lady applicants for temper was far from angelic, let me tell you. for the first ire of the performance. places in the bites at all. Ginger had gone heat: lighted up the dress- Then Mr. Ginger Jones let himself loose. ; ‘Shorty and the Kid had got some of the com- ing room and was getting out his master’s} ‘“‘Ifdat ole ge’man don’t beat de debbil,” he pany to make up like women and roast poor old|things when the Old Man came in. remarked, ‘‘I wouldn’ say so. Wha’ fo’ he wan’ hanks, that was all. Fe at do you mean by knocking me down,|ter get mad like dat an’ pas’e me wif he shoe fo’, Shanks tumbled at last and all hands laughed. you black rascal?” he demanded in business-like|I like to know? That'll cost you a supper, Shanksy,” said/tones. “ Ain’t nebber gib him no cause fo’ to treat _ Shorty. , 6 “ Clar fo’ it, [couldn’t help it Marse Burwick,”|me like dat, Lhabn’t. "Pears ter me he gota “And don’t forget der pop, ole pard,” put in|stammered te Ginger. heap ob cheek to take him shoe to me jess like the Kid. - @ ; “ Couldn’t help it, hey?” snorted Josiah. I was a yaller dog.or sumfin like dat! Te 4 Then Shanks was disgusted, ; © No, sah, deed I couldn’, Suftin’ wen’ smash} “I jess tol’ yo’, dat_ole ge’man hab gotter go ‘““T hayen’t got any time to waste on you fel-linter me an’ done frow me down on de flo’ an’ I|slow wif me, ‘less he get inter een Se Ole 4 lows,” he sputtered, and off he started for the|done bunked inter yo’, sah, dat’s de way it really fambly serbants like me c’n stan’ a heap, but box office, ? i ( : Bape. | ; dere am some tings dat yo’ gotter draw de line ‘He was not disturbed again that day by am-| “You ‘didn’t have to do it twice, did you,|at, an’ pastin’ fellahs wif heaby shoes am one ; bitious actresses, but whenever he met one oficonfound your black skin?” spluitered the Old|ob dem.” _ the company after that, for a week, he heard|Man, removing his hat and overcoat without} Shorty’s dressing-room was next to that of . flippant remarks about the new company he Gilgen help. his dad, and the little runt heard Ginger’s re- as getting up, and it made him very tired, “No, sah, an’ dat am de mos’ mysterousest|marks very plainly through the partition. Shorty and the Kid let him alone after that,|paht ob it. Couldn’ tol’ yo’ wha’ dat was, but| Having finished dressing, he strolled in and — giving their attention to the Old Man instead. |suffin’ rush a pas’ me, an’ de nex’ tin Thyarlasked: \ Josiah had not yet tried to get square on thejyo’ set down on de flo’ patty solid.” eae “What's the matter between you and th y boys for that last racket on himself, but he was)’ “ H’m !” said the Old Man, with a grunt, sit-/Old Man, Ginge? Been lambastin’ yer, has he?” _ thinking of it all the same. Z tine down. Ginger Jones was not the coon to tell tales ae “What I want to do,” he argued with him- “ADeed, I couldn’ tell what it was,’ boss,”|out of school, and he replied : ~ ( self, “is to et up some joke which will makelsaid Ginger. ‘ * Ain’ nuffin’ ’tall de mattah ’tween me an’ de them so sick that they will never try to play| That settled things for that coon. ole ge’man, Marse Gawge. We'se de bes’ ob _ ff any more rackets on me, and then I'll stop.”| The Old Man had especially charged him|frien’s, we is, sah.” He did not seem to remember that those little|never to address him as boss. . se go on,” said Shorty. “De ole gent ykers would never stop joking till they were| Troublesome times were coming for Mr. Gin-|busted yer in der snoot with his shoe,/and said ead, by the way. ger Jones. er was no good. Didn’tI hear der hull of it! © me good snap would cure them, he argued, : ; Wot er givin’ me?” : and he began studying up to|/see what that j “Wall, Marse Gawge, some times I jis#’can’t — would be. CHAPTER IX, = make out what am wrong wif de ole'ge'man,” _. In the meantime, however, those three lively) Mr. Burwick was area st in his shirt}said Ginger, finding that Shorty knew about ~ »oys—the Shorty kids—concluded to try theirlsleeves just in the act of taking off his shoe/the trouble. “yy i. ands at ys beer and chose the Old Man as|when Ginger used that forbidden expression. “Oh, he’s a crank, dat’s wot he is,” laughed — ; their fun. Off came that shoe in a jiffy and up jumped|Shorty,.“ but that ain’tno reason why he should hey did always take him for a mark, for ob-|the Old Man, red-hot mad. belt you with a shoe.” h e German quarter of the city, and procured a|you, I won't have it f. * Don’t see what you want to stand it for. 13 goat. ; The irascible old arty emphasized these re- anyhow, ” said Shorty. ‘‘If Iwas you, I’d get a Josiah Burwick what waving an auctioneer’s|to tell the Kid about the racket, is. e nd td : y Se Bor ere
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “A97 t Later on he heard some of the stage hands Jaughing about a goat that had somehow got into Josiah’s room, and had scared the coon into fits, and made him upset the father of all the Shortys. Then Shorty tumbled a little bit, but not to the full extent, for he never suspected Cal, Ed and Peter of putting the Billy into the Old Man’s room. “Dat’s what made Pop place,” He chuckled, “and den Ginge said some- thing and got it in der neck. Well, dat’s a good foundation to work on, and der Kid an’ me orter get up a dandy snap from that much.” The Kid thought the same, and when those cu ee mad in der fust | hy TMM TTT Me CT fTocome Tr imu) whole gang) pressed forward to see what was in the box, ! Of course the men could not work undersuch circumstances, and they did nothing. “Well, why don’t you take out the straw?” cried Mrs. Josiah. “‘ Just like a lot of men to stand there doing nothing!” snapped Mrs. George. “Td have it out in a second, I would,” sput- tered Mrs, Kid. “Oh, yes, you’d do lots,” snorted the Kid |himself. “‘ Why don’t you get o’ der way and let der men get to work?” The ladies took the hint with not a very good grace, and all hands fell back. et | ts Seal Ihave it opened for you?” asked the clerk. “Why, yes, I suppose so,” niuttered the Old Man. ‘One has a natural curiosity to know what's in a box, of course. Yes, youmight have it opened, I suppose.” The clerk called a couple of porters, and the work of getting the box open was started. The top seemed to be screwed on, and it was, therefore, not much of a job to get it off. While this was going on, Shorty, the Kid, Shanks and the three boys came along and watched the proceedings. Nobody said_a word, but all seemed very much interested. | TTT) | | WL | || AA | ) Hl ae" i | = il | h, —————— | ** Hol’ on, Marse Burwick,” he grunted, when he got a erack in the hand he put up to shield his face. sah, dat’s ‘nuff.” to work up that particu- lar snap, you can bet your shoestrings that it was bound to be very fine and large. Somebody made the Old Man a present a day or tn later, but who it was he never really found out. One morning a box came to the hotel ad- - , dressed to Josiah Burwick, Esq., all the charges paid, et cetera, the ig aera leaving the same in the rotunda in front of the desk. When Josiah came down-stairs, the clerk called his attention to the box and asked what should be done with it. The Old Man looked at the box, but could not tell where it came from, as it seemed to be “marked all over with half obscured directions, ’ and with different labels, one over the other. “ What is it?” he asked blankly. ; “Don’t know, sir. It came this morning. , feet you might like to unpack it down . ere,’ two jokers got seedy “Tm! yes, that’s good idea. It may contain & **Don’t you try to tell me what is enough and what isn't,” sputtered Josiah. : **Dat’s ’nuff, / Presently, also, the wives of the three Shortys joined the group, but they did say something. Can you find three women or even one who wouldn't say something when a box was bting opened. If she did not want to diwé&. the work, she would certainly oo es an opinion as to what the thing contained. The Burwick ladies did both, each in her own way. y Angie said she knew that those clumsy men would smash something, Kate declared that it was a shame George and Charlie did not offer to help, and Caddie observed that if the Oid Man had a present he ought to open the box himself. sift Josiah’s wife was sure that the box contain-|* JY: Me ed dresses for herself, Shorty’s better-half ex-| The way that that Old Man put for the stairs pressed the opinion that it was just another|Wwas a caution. ; ee joke of George’s, while the Kid’s partner assert-| He was sure that the monster would envelope Then the porters took out a layer of straw and threw it on the floor. es *Tt’s China, I know !” cried Angie. “No, it’s a picture!” said Kate. **T know it’s presents,” shrieked Caddie. “Reckon“it’s a cake,” said Shorty. “Dad allus did take that.” eee Out came some more straw, and then one ok | the men loosened a slat nailed across the box inside. ) ; epee In a jiffy there was a terrible yelling and — screaming. Ye The women howled, the boys danced and laughed, the men guffawed and the Old Man looked seared. Ras Out came a big snake and went for Josiah in — picture or a statue or something like that, and we wouldn't like to break ib taking it up- a) er ise it j i \ ed with great positiveness that the package con-|him in itsslimy folds before he could escape. f places to fall in, Shanks remem- es tained Christmas gifts for all hands, although) The ladies fainted as soon as they could find the holidays were still a long way off. convenient The cover was removed at last, and then thejbered an appointment he had down town, th
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. Kid “Sit ox upon the counter, and Shorty hid|programme, and one of the features of this was} . The old man landed on his back and was not behind the box. the old farce of “The Robbers,” with varia-|hurt, but he was mad all the same, and when The Old Man hoofed it in lively fashion for|tions. he got up he looked around for some one upon the stairs, the snake following, a good second,| The Old Man was asked to take a small part,| whom to vent his wrath. and after it chased the rau kids. simply to fill up, and, as the thing seemed in-} He could not see a soul, the trap above him They reached the snake before the latterjnocent enough, he consented. was closed, and from the house could be heard caught the Old Man, and Peter jumped on its| All he had to do was to sitin a safe and be|the sound of rapturous applause. tail. discovered when the two bold burglars, Shorty} ‘‘H’m! ’most break a man’s neck and then _ “Bully for our side!” laughed Cal, running|and the Kid, forced it open. pay no attention to him,” muttered that wrathy in front of the monster. He did not know who the burglars were, Ott party. ‘‘Those boys don’t care any more Then there was a whirr like a clock running|however, when the proposition was made, or/for me than if I was a total stranger, but I'll _ down, and the snake wriggled a little and then|he might not have consented. _ get even on ’em, see if I don’t.” lay still. The safe was simply a big box, properly; The music continued,the laughter swelled and The Old Man looked down from the top of|painted, with a false back to it, so that the Old} went down and swelled again, and nobody paid the first flight and yelled ; Man could get in without being seen, for thatthe least attention to the old man under the Bs Senpiabioreg my son, go away from that dan- ae sy be a eocie to oS audience. stage. erous beast.” ° Vhen the farce began he came in, wearing a} «7 ” ¥ “ Ah) go take a walk!” answered that dis-|long dressing ao and a big night cap, and Bie pe ictngee oo He eee wen 4 op. Carn yates ce Cary le, 2 go right away home to-night.” Scared into fits by a fake snake!” laughed am terribly afraid of burglars,” he re-|” when he looked at his pocketbook, however. Ed. “ Well, I wouldn’t tell it !” marked. “ To-night I have brought home the|h» found that he did not have money enough. “Letis save it to scare Ginger with,” sug-|money for the salaries of the men in the mill,)anq if he meant to go home he would NaRete gested Peter. forty-seven ‘cents, and I am almost afraid borrow money from Shanks, for of course Short ‘Then those boys picked up the serpent which|to have it in the house. I think I will put it] ~ould not lend it tohim. en y was a combination of India rubber, clock-work|in the safe.” 3 “Well, I can’t go to-night ” hé muttered and wood, and carted it towards the reading-| Then he opened the safe, threw in a very|«pyt just assoon as I can get word to my room. small bag, which made a very loud noise as it|pantkers I'll get the money and leaye.” qn “Put down that nasty thing, Peter!” cried/fell, and closed the door. However, when he could get the: money he Kate. ‘“Aren’t you ashamed to handle it?” Having done this, he hg de 9 out a bunch of!j_q changed his mind about going home “Tt won’t hurt, ma,” laughed Shorty’s hope-|keys, each two feet long, and proceeded to lock| “phis state of things was partly rought about ful. “Tt’s only a toy snake.” the doors, after which he went away, taking|},. ‘a jittle racket which te worked off upon Then all the Shorty women suddenly recov-|the light with him. Shorty and the Kid in the course of a day or so ered, and had something to say. Then he went around to the back of the scene} yoy see, those little rants did not always + The idea!” zs and got in the safe, the false back being fast-| reckon upon the chances of the Old Man fume i It’s just too mean! By ened securely. . ; ,.|bling to a snap before it was over with, and _ Some folks are too funny! Then to slow music and the light of a bull’s|;hat's where t ey sometimes got left - “T can’t see the fun of if myself.” eye lantern enter Shorty and the Kid through|” This was the case in the instance which Lam a You just ought to be ashamed of your-|a trap in the stage. about to put on record. selves!” i eee zy _.|, ‘I disguised myself as a ton of coal, got put)” Shorty put. the old-time pantomime farce of _ “Frightening us all into fits with that horridjinter de suller, and yer Lam,” said Shorty. [the Black Statue” in rehearsal for the sole thing and calling it a joke!” “Hush!” shouted the Kid. ‘Make no noise. pu e of gettin, - _“T¢’s just the meanest thing I ever heard of,/The boss is stone deaf and might hear us,” You all know. a that’s what it is!” : ‘Aha, ha, ha! yonder is the geeold!” cried “Oh, I soy,” said Shorty, “don’t you get rat-|Shorty, making a Henry i la éan’ Charlie didn’t have nothin’ tolacross the stage. “Come on, ie ” : ace i > respectifu youth. ‘It’s only a cod, pop.’ up a snap on the Old Man. e story, of course, the thing ii 1 having been done no end of times. OReilly: MS es A young fellow loves a girl and gets fired out et mys 1 18\by her father, and afterwards gets in the house “Well, you're always playing tricks,” snap-| Then those bold, bad burglars fot a pair of Hn tga ED es nergy ie Batik bela ped Angie, “and it’s just too mean.” 2a ahem and two big spikes, drove in|” phis statue has a club, and when the ola gent “Oh, yes, and pepecy never uae any on us,|the latter and proceeded to play “ The Anvil es to grind’ the thing’ after the exhibitor has oe He Sa ope he a “How about that|Chorus” on them to the accompaniment of the Baste, he gets a crack in the rear, and that’s racket w er chairs ?” A : ; 4 The three boys, carrying the trick snake on| “Ha, ha, ho, ho! we waste time,” remarked Mantocma hoy thantatod the Kid was to elena marched up-stairs, scaring the|/Shorty. ‘ be the bad boy who gets him. fired out, and the Old Man away, and reaching the first landing| ‘What's the matter with taking it with us Old Man was'to be the stern parent other char- just as Ginger Jones stepped out of the elevatorjand openin’ it at home?” asked the Kid. acters to be taken by the company coming down, ' ‘ : _, Here’s where the joke on the Old Man made} O¢ course Shorty would knock the Old Man _ The first thing he knew a snake's head wasjits appearance. silly with a crack of his stuffed club when he poked into his face and he heard a hissing} This part of the sketch had not been re-| went to wind up the figure, and then there sound. earsed, by the way would be a grand laugh, and Mr. Burwick _ His hair stood on end in a jiffy, and he shook} ‘‘ You're right. ha, ha!” cried Shorty. ; like a cat in a fit. Then he and the Kid grabbed hold of the safe ibe ebis rpdetnaren al 6 cole home Old Man “De lawd sabe us! Whar dat ting comejand pare it over on its side. took a tumble 4 Le sauisrerort having been ‘om !” h The Old Man was inside, you may remember. |+aken in by that same farce once before, though ” he gas ed, unable to stir a foot. That made i e boys laugh and they dropped _ the snake on the floor. “Hold on! Stop that!” he howled. Shorty forgot it. Shorty and the Kid paid no attention to him.|~ « y, yes, I Bi pose I might play in it,” he ‘Then Shorty and the Kid appeared on the| They gave the safe another turn and that said, in Ke A ainohare tone, “though you Enowit cene. _, Saye Josiah another shake-up. j don’t like farces, and you boys are always cut- Here, young fellers, take dat. fing and put it) “Let me out!” he bawled, and the audience|ting up some monkey shine or other.” pacer pat a eaey **and don’t go to sear- eee Ae Brent as sa Reacud th 7 “Oh, no, honest Injun, we sinth pop you e life out of folks. P en the two little runts tippe e safe pas Nea STL : %e ing tn boys dusted out and Shorty suspected ain, putting {ether cow wade know we ain't!” declared Shorty. 4 os wouldn’t do it for der world.” - them of getting up the snap, but nobody ever was getting more fun than he had| « en yfound out whether they had ob tat bargained for. = of?” sai ph haar eg pene ae oe They said they had not and their daddies were} The jokers gave the safe another turn and|jothin’ to do but play gags on you? Ah, go on, liged to believe them. pn the front was now to the audience. Later on a noté was found in the box which} Then the Kid opened the trap in the stage fe eined matters somewhat. while Shorty threw open the safe door. ; - It came from a novelty dealer in New York,| The safe, by the way, was right in front of and was substantially as follows : the open trap. _ “Send you per express one mechanical snake Be think you can use in farces. If do, 2D 7 you old stuff.” . ; The Old Man finally said he would play, and,” as there was nothing to say he weuld have no trouble. Shorty put the thing on as a pantomime spec- tacle, and not as an epee nigger farce, and the whole company was in it. The first scene showed a garden with a set cottage at one side and a green carpet down, and if opened with a village dance and festival. A dozen song and dance men in dandy cos- ” oee gives line on programmes,” - CHAPTER X. : ~ How the man happened to send the thing to| The moment that the door of the big property osiah, however, was a mystery that was never|safe was opened out came the Old Man as m ' satisfactorily explained. > as a hatter. 2 5 pyre of the boys of the profesh in New York| He bounced out, shaking his fist and scoldin must have oti .” said Shorty, “ 12} h Kid who stood down toward |tumes, six couples in all, set the ball a rolling. u erase poy Ee rg see nay heute. oe Then Shorty and the female im ersonator as always a running him.” = The house laughed, for they thought it was pera song and dance, the Kid catchin aie Well, we can play de old farce of ‘ Meta-jall very funny. f th as y hs ede and rushing off to tell the , pop, what Archie Hughes and John| Josiah did not, and he took a couple of steps|{#ber of the te ; ligan used to be so great in,” suggested thejintending to o down and tell the audience how| That brought in the Old Man and he stormed and use dis snake for de wood scene.” he had been abused and imposed te ie around in pantomime and had Shorty fired out or fake up a new one, only you won’t| He went down, surely, but he did not tell the of the place, this being followed by a burlesque i in the house anything. , ballet dance in which the shorty kids figured as it snake.” oO I in black tights, short fluffy skirts Den we'll get up something else for him,”/front of the safe? e other fixings of a ballet girl. gested Shorty. The Old Man went down that and landed on he trick snake was ig sent to pop n doing with a par
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shoul 5 THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. woman, the village lads and lassies and the bad boy, otherwise that same bad Kid. The crank was turned, the jerky music was played, and Shorty went through his exercises. Then the Old man bought the statue, the three kids did an acrobatic act, and all hands went out leaving Shorty alone on the stage. . In came the Old Man, and here was where Shorty expected to get off a good joke on him. The slipper covered another set of corns this time, however. Shorty stood as still as a lump of coal, his back to the Old Man who came in with a big, overgrown stuffed club in his hands, Shorty thought the Old Man was going to | turn the crank in the pedestal, and he chuckled inwardly to think how he would whack him. ee else got whacked. H ; Shorty suddenly got a crack in the neck that sent him flying off that pedestal in a jiffy. “Ha, ha! I knew you were a fraud!” sang out the Old Man, as everybody laughed. It certainly was not what Shorty had ex- pected, and for a moment he was all broke up. “TJ don't care how you finish it,” laughed Jo- siah. ‘I’ve got square on you, George, and that’s all I care about.” Then he marched up and off the stage with the club on his shoulder, and Shorty discov- ered that he was still in the soup. However, the Kid came to his rescue, for he called on all hands, Shorty got his girl, there was a grand walk around by the company to lively music and red fire, and down went the zreen baize. The Old Man was ahead that time, and no mistake, and those jolly jokers had to acknowl- edge it. *“Pop stole a base on yer dat time, didn’t he, i ll il | | ! | Then he gota touch of the old rheumatism, ‘which made him as cranky as a bear with a sore head, or a woman without a new bonnet at Easter, and this put things in good shape for a return racket, that accounts might be squared. One day Shorty and the Kid met Ginger |Jones on the street, the Old Man having sent {him ‘on an errand. Shorty winked at the Kid, and then said to the pgon: “Hallo, Ginger, how are you and the Old* Man getting on together these days?” ae we gets on aright, Marse Gawge,” an- h swered Ginger, with a puzzled expression. ial ha dad?” chuckled the Kid, when the show was over, “*T guess you put him up to ~-Jidn’t yer?” Uy Not didn’t. Wish Imay ie if I did.” “Then Shanksy gave him a tip, I guess.” “Maybe he did, pop.” “We'll have to give his nibbs one for that, hen. ¥ Maybe grandpop took a tumble himself, po¥) 2 ’ He sat on the stage with his legs stretched boat and a most rueful expression on his usually jolly mug. coming. down with the olub over his der, ‘Ain't so funny this time, is it?” “Well, I'll be blowed!” laughed the Kid, in Man the wiiigs, “if der Ole Man hasn’t scored onej|have to swear yer won't fool with on pop dis time and no mistake.” “2 rs uddenly Shorty grinned and said in a low how are you going to finish der piece ?” The house Jaughed at this, for the. a: the whole thing was intentional. di i “Want some more, George?” asked the Old/going to run, y thought es nor growl at anyone for at leas 5 Maybe he did, but it’s der faust time he ever “Oh, you can’t always tell which way a pig’s ell, let’s say dat der Ole Man got it up himself. It wasn’t a bad gag, anyhow.” “No, but if you play der piece again © mu 66 WES ee Pop, or you'll get biffed again yer own self.” “Yes, dat’s so, Chawles.” The Old Man had the laugh on Shorty any- ne: “Well, pop, now dat you've knocked me out,/how, and that made him feel so good t at he oin, £ eee marked the Kid did not bullyrag Ginger Jones, nor talk of ays. “F’'m! you're a big stuff to stand all his guff, I think,” grunted Shorty. : “Course you are,” put in the Kid, him baste you with his shoe or der bootjack or anything else, I reckon, just as much as he wants ter.” “Yes, and bimeby he’ll walk all over yer, and yer won't say nuthin’, I s’pose,” said Shorty. . “Oh, but you're der kind of a coon dat don’t’ — mind dat,” sneered the Kid. sp a you ain't.” wey. o, you_ain’t got n o spoatin’ bload, you~ said Shorty. I ain’t,” aa V stammered the coon. “Qh, you don’t know o’ course,” Shorty, elevating his nose. “No, sah, ’dee plied the coon. “You'll just let that cranky old duffer paste you and lambaste you and knock you round, — and never say nuthin’, 0’ course,” said pS “Tf it was me I'd soak him in der jaw,” re- — , putting on a particularly tough look. yi “ia “Youlet — “You ain’t got Vha’—wha’ you mean Marse Gawge?” — retorted = I doesn’, Marse Gawge,” re-
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “Dats der only way ter fetch him to his} This was a declaration of war, and that was} Ginger followed, and the Old Man wasn’t so senses,” added Shorty. what Ginger was ready for. very far ahead after all. - “Cert,” responded the Kid. ‘Give him one| He caught the brush and sent it back again. Josiah did not look to see where he was go- good wallopin’ an’ he won’t bother yer no more.”| Smash ing, but went, the idea most prominent in his “Yes, but Ginge ain't got de sand fur dat,”| If the Old Man had not ducked, he would|mind being the getting away from the coon. sniffed ieee have got it right on the nose. Consequently, what must that perplexed and “Ha, he didn’t orter be named Ginger at all.| As it was, the mirror had a hole smashed frightened old party do but make straight for Der kind of ginger he’s made of wouldn’t selljright out of it. the stage? for ten cents a ton.” osiah was not so lucky the next time, how-| The curtain was up, and the phenomenal “No, dere ain’t no snap in him, dere ain’t.” _jever. tenor with the high C was singing a ballad. “TLettin’ a old crank like dat hammer him| That was when Ginger grabbed a shoe and| Suddenly there appeared at the prom t en- wid a shoe and throw things at him! Dovyerjsent it spinning across the room. . trance, which is the one nearest the footlights, _ know what I'd do?” ‘ Josiah got that on the shoulder, and it made/an old man dressed in a pair of socks, drawers : Soak it to him, right in der neck, of course,/jhim jump. and a shirt, and with one half of his face black just what any decent man would do.” Ginger followed it up with the plate, and this|and the other half white. That coon was somewhat stumped at receiv-|took Josiah on the chest. _ He was in a hurry too, and the way he hoofed ing such advice from Shorty and the Kid, but} Having now got his hand in, that coon was|it across that big stage beat the record. _ he swallowed it without grease all the same. |settled right down to business. He was closely followed by' a real, genuine He never tumbled to the fact that they were! A pair of rubbers followed the shoes, and|no-cork nig, with a big razor in his hand and only guying him, but took everything they said|poth of them rubbed up against the Old Man’s|blood in his eye. for downright up-and-down truth. ; cheek. _ The old fellow was Josiah, and the coon was “Tra-la, Ginge,”: said Seg turning to go.| Next came a 9 of ame but that carromed|Ginger Jones. _ Ffere's a quarter for you. They have bang-upjagainst the looking glass. They were not before that audience much stuff in der place around der corner.” "A cake of soap was the next thing to slide off|longer than would be required to take their i “We ain’t tellin’ yer ter get full, of course|the Old Man’s head. pictures, but the house got on to them all the not,” snppieectiee the Kid, “but if you was} The dressing table was convenient to his|same. _ doin’ it, there’s prime stuff to do it with in der|hand just now, the Old Man having changed You'd better believe that there was a howl place der govnor fold you about. Here’s ajhis quarters, and Ginger took advantage of it. |when they ran across the stage. quarter dat belongs to you. Wonder how it got} The poor Old Man was now cowering in a] Josiah didn’t know tliat he was going on the inter my pocket ?’ corner, while Ginger began to pelt him’ with all|stage until he got there, and then it was too bet coy could see through a brick after some-|sorts of things. : late. body had kindly made a hole in it for him, and| The first was a big sponge, full of water. He could not gO back, for there was that after bidding a kindly adieu to the two runts,| Splash! angry coon behind him. he sailed around to that certain place and be-| Josiah got that right in the ear. ll he could do was to make tracks as rapid- gan filling up. i “Ow! Sonn ” he howled. ly_as possible. ~ Aman can get howlingly intoxicated on fifty| Then came a pair of slippers, which took him] It so happened that ate ele in the oppo- -eents’ worth of fire-water, provided he takes|in the stomach. site entrance when the Old Man made his sud- : ' the right kind, but they were not selling fusil| ‘How yo’ like dat, h’m?” growled Mr. Jones.|den appearance. , oiland aquafortis at the place where Ginger| “Oh, save me, save me!” gasped that wretch- The situation dawned. upon him with the went. ed Old rapidit, of snap-shot photography. FD a All he could get was three portions of liquid) A box of prepared burned cork now plastered Well, I'm blowed!” he ejaculated. - “ Dat - refreshments of a very good kind for his demilitself on his nose. . I coon must have been going for pop. red-hot.” ‘piaster, but that paved the way for more. - A shoe brush followed it up, and a box of| The little runt got out of the Old Man’s way _~ He did not get it until he was about to go to|blacking succeeded that. just in time, and then he laid for Ginger. _ the theater with the Old Mah, however, and| ‘ Yo’ will’buse me, will yer?” demanded the} When that raving coon reached the entrance, then somebody carelessly left a small bottle of/mad coon. Shorty hada et put out his foot. booze in his room. “Oh, dear!” sighed the Old Man. Over went . Jones all in a heap, and then’ “That coon promptly annexed it and then he| Then a whisk broom whisked through the|he slid three or four yards on his nose. _ began to think of what the. boys had said tojair and took him in the jaw. ¢ Meanwhile the audience was yelling itself him. ; * D% pans why don’t baa re ae ” e poe ee rie oF more. ee 1 eae Wh i «| “I got yer now jus’ whar I want yer,” mu osiah had fetched up agains e wall, an | i a borgent ene i; en a al tered Gin er. then sat down very suddenly all out of breath. _ out for. hie theumatism and|. Lhen followed a box of powder, which hit the “Save me—save me!” he gasped. ye lack chump and an ebonized Old Man like a shot. Shorty beckoned to a stage hand and told, pudding head more than once. \ “ Will call me names an’ knock me ‘bout an’|him to hustle the Old Man back to his dressing- That also set Ginger to thinking and it was frow tings at me, will yer?” demanded the|room before the coon saw him. . not all that did so, either. l moke, The audience was still crying for more, and i , “Oh, Lord, what shall I do?” groaned the Old|laughing to split. er may Leotnut ot See eaeecs bi te ai Man, trying to squeeze himself into a corner. Shorty stepped out on the stage, did two or — _ him to pay a visit to his Satanic majesty “T got yo' dis time, an’ I’se gwine ter make|three steps of a clog dance, and said : ee In fact, the Old Man was not feeling just\Yer Ory, Lis.” y : .“Fust, last and only appearance of der wild right for his business and that made Ginger A box of cold cream now went hturtling|man of Kentucky and his pet coon. Give der — vaps ones feel more that just right for his. > |through the air. eet : ert one os se perp ; : _ ” “ Bressed if I stan’ any mo’ ob his nonsense,” The Old Man got it hot, right in the teeth. Then the crowd stopped. Jaughing, Shorty left ~ mnuttered the coon as he let the Old Man go in-|, A hand glass chased it up, but the Old Man|the stage, and the high C tenor went on with — ft Bethe Lp ie apohe black fool rina eens not many more things that the Glin aches began to realize what he had i to Abe ne pel up Deke atone: pipst by Ly n angry coon could throw after that. ~ |done a this time, aut he felt very much — : Josiah. ie Hace ote ate tne more. Se, iad ati ides Mat: Naiwould gee tae m P gal i ig juice beginnin; et in its. fine wor! He also * an idea that hewou e sit gear: aaa eating byt he let Josiah go)" candle and 4 tick of cosmetic ‘sailed in|bounce, and he kept out of the Old Man's way, ; Rea? the Old Man reached his dressing- Kitt ea oy fee Me Josiah’s Ven head. aneaking home to'the hotel and going at once — u ; ; e next thing that Ginger pic up was a|to bed. ; * 4 Pala iene Ginger to turn up the ga8h 55 ove Frown meee » P ; uA hen and the Kid Merah on. oe 8 ane me = Theteoon had dropped on. the: way to drink|... Now Tse swine. ter Kkyarve yo. inter lilly| ils ere een eee ead bappshed, thous Sree ini ieces,” he growled, going for the Old Man. sorrow for what had happened, though all the os te contents of that small bottle of Pierre was where’ t As tcighinuod old gent|time they were layin bt their sleevés at the 3 drew the line. racket. ee “Tt’s just an outrage,” sputtered the Old — Man, who had now resumed his dressing. tek is assistance. , CHAPTER XI. “So it is, pop,” said Shorty. —_- ; When he did come in Josiah had got off] wun Ginger Jones started for the Old Man,| “It's a shame, so it is,” echoed the Kid, . e 1p bea except his shirt and was remov-\g pig razor in his fist, Mr, Burwick thought| “The idea of that miserable nigger presuming ing the burned cork, with cold cream and althat it was time for him to leave. to treat me in that way.” ee towel, one half of his face being white and the] ‘The razor was nothing but a fake and could| ‘Terrible, ain’t it, pop?” : oe ae f not even eut cheese, but neither the Old Man} “I wouldn’t stand it, granddad.” Fy When the coon appeared, the Old Man wentinor Ginger knew that. “Making me run across thestage in my — f rv him. | It was the coon’s national weapon, and as shirt !” muttered Josiah. Watt | “Now then, you confounded black jack-ass,”|soon as he caught sight of it lying on the shelf| ‘That was the worst of it.” aie he sputtered, “what do you mean by keeping|he went for it. “ Pubty bad, that was, pop.” ay me waiting like this till you get ready to come) Jt was only a property razor that had been| ‘Yes, we draw der line at dat.” i, ; tome? left there, but Ginger sought it was all-tight.| “I won't have him in my employ another “Took yer, boss, don’ yo’ talk to me like o') So did Josiah, and when he saw it inGinger’s}minute. I’ll disc ange him this very night.” 3 en for the first time he saw, what he had|straight home to New York.’ before noticed, that the dressing-room door} ‘“ Well, I don’t know but you 1ish | ‘ _ lover, and he would not have to pass the coon to|neither,” said the Kid. iol} ie he hair-brush flew across the room, aimed/reach it. : J osiah was disposed to be obstinate when the _ aight for Ginger’s head, i He m t and dashed out at fine|boys sided with him, however. ciel settled i ; Oh, you want to get rid of me, do you?” he — 45 heey, z 4
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. a - grunted. ‘‘ You don’t want metoseeanything?”| ‘‘ Why, sir, what can possibly be the matter|Shorty played an unpremeditated gag upon “No, you make us tired.” with you ?” : Kid, just for the fun of the thing. f . “Goon home, you old duffer.” s “Why, every time I get up, I’m sure ter sit] The first part concluded with a grand comi¢ “Der show kin get on without yer.” down again.” j . \finale, entitled ‘Scenes in the Circus,” with “You only keep us from enjoying ourselyes.”| ‘‘ Indeed !” 3 the Old Man as ringmaster, Shorty and the Kid “You don’t need no valet anyhow.” “Yes, and eyery time I sit down, I get up|as clowns, the Shorty kids as tumblers and the ‘Course you don’t, you’re a regular baby, youjagain.” rest of the company as attendants, spectators, are.” “Is there anything else the matter with the band, et cetera, bee , The Old Man did not like this sort of talk for|You?” 3 |, 5borty and the Kid held up paper hoops for acent ; in fact, it made him very mad. Yes, every time I open my mouth, suffin’|the boys to jump through, and also brought in “You're a couple of jealous chumps,” he snor chairs and tables for them to fall over in a ed, “and I’m going to stay with the show just as}. manner very much unlike the way they do long as it’s on the road, and I'll take Ginger back|! things in real circuses, the whole thing being.a to-morrow and get two or three more men to howling burlesque from start to finish. 3 wait on me besides.” Then Shorty ran out and presently came in “Yer can’t trust dat coon, grandpop,” hoop in his hand and told the Charlie, ‘an’ if I was you, I’d fire him out de athe Think wee all Hiaitt te a ¢-/gets in it.” “ Dat’s gin,” chuckled Shorty ; “I know what is. had T'llgive yer a slap in der jawif yo’ don’t “Oh, yes, pitch into us,” said Sh : : bel oh Be pehee i: di a@ warran ms ‘Charlie banged his head against it full tilt er knowed what ter do, ite aon Indeed ?” : and the thing rattled like stage thunder, cS er bounce directly. “ Ah, come on, Gawge,” said the Kid. sf Grandpop's an old stuff, and der ain’t no use talkin’ to him. If he went home we'd have a good time.” Then those two little rascals skipped out, for’ they were in for an act about this time, and their furlough was nearly up. > The Old Man did not go home that trip, and neither did he fire Ginger. The coon did not show es at all the next day,| 2 but in the evening Josiah found him and said:|_ “ Ah, you're “ b j|Lcan sing.” e cocoanut. eau da: en sear asedaaier ec erably, bree mops oe DEL I have never had any reason to suppose that| Later on Charlie got the very chance he want- y 7 : F Se % ick, sah,” id Gi .|you_ could, sir. ed, and it was all in the way of business, to & scare. Piet aa coke ter die fo’ sho’ aad « Well, kin you tell me wHat’s the difference which made it all the funnier. i dey did n’ nobody come a neah me, Did n’ between——” _ ; He and George were in the nigger sketch tink yo’d let Ginger die wifout comin’ to see “ Between him and a chump,” put in Shorty. |arranged from the old farce of “ Monsieur To um, sah.” 3 Dereain’tno diff, a a ine : ae vate rete ‘t Gere ener Son is oie say? . ‘ll broke yer jaw if yo’ don’ shut up,” mut- e an was the poor fellow whom Fhe ee eet prise pee Fe Bee anes oues tered Charlie. “‘ ‘ had a good one dat, fine and|two bad boys of the, piece worked all sorts of Bee Vow! Cider eOr mata MBG What Winned yo’ made me fo’got it.” : f sngps on, ringing his bell, asking for Mr. John Sia T Ceeald Bisse Havd-héavted an (tRAe Pr ie i got off a good t’ing de oder day, a ; Segue feasent his window and do . - 4 ’t yer?” all sorts of naughty things. . Of course I'd go and see you die. I would be Hs ; goon anes going ter say I got off me ind Old Man looked ey Sees bt big 3 : “7 ; shirt. Dat’s o at is.” ni, ap as he stuck his head out of\the prac! lite aah muttered Ginger. “Glad to see me ae No, I Suber! goin’ a gay yer “4 of er Fa cal win ow in se and scolded at the bad — 2 ‘ skin overcoat, got it off der shelf at der hock|boys who annoy im, pe” eae wares Talay regen aot oat if youS2op. Dat was a good ting, wasn’t it?” e stood on a platform behind the scenes an / ‘were going to die, but you ain't. because Twant|,. Yes) but you can’t get yours out this win-/had all the ag he used arranged 0 you with me, to keep those two bad boys, George rer a mere 1” ber Are seer ON @ pail filled with sawdus d Charlie, from playing jokes on me.” ‘ Ae . ” . R Pp ¥e fis = ay y BR Fe Cause you ve away der ticket. which he was to empty upon Shorty’s head w “What did I give it away for?” the latter went to ring the bell for the fourt! “Because you never was known to keep der|fifth time. br ; pledge, you wasn’t.” “Well, having the idea of revenge in oe en on epee had ois over laughing saa the ceed hey pets une magteg pe : 3 ‘lat this sally, the Kid gave them something in|on, skipped up and put something besides a for Shorty was going to stay only anothes Weel tho shape of a comie vein, not too comic, but|ofaudust om the table, 7 ¢ i en the farce sorry that he was going, and to ask him to come Medel cera ri. a .. lola man bein elpeciatty. gate, oo Very Aus “There are many tliings we do that violate propriety, | At last, and for the wind up, the Kid sa preliminaries Like waddling home at night in a state of inebriety, Shorty : 4 ‘what's der| 0% mstering cujuneauons when some beardless youth)" «Sav McKinley, let’s hab one mo’ joke on: ery a ole man befo’ we goes home.” ‘ Puifs cigarette effluvia across our tired olfactory; h y I ; Or when some heartless landlord, in manner repre-| _ ‘A’ right, Mistah Carlisle, wha’ yo’ gwine ti do?” asks Shorty. he siah, swelling up and looking a rr wry hensible, ! “Well, why don’t yer answer it den, if it's so| Insists upon our paying with acleek quite indefens-| ‘ Go up dere an’ ring de bell and tol um ¢ ble; it wasn’ Mistah Johnsing yo’ wanted, but easy, pop? ible What's the reason that a blind mule can’t} But although these things are dreadful, they’re within |tah Jeff’son,an’ dat you am berry sorry yo’ ’ ** Yes, Tare.” Down sat the Kid on the floor, rubbing his ““ Why, what has he been doing ?” . _jhead and looking all sorts of strange things at “Been taking high notes all der week, and|Shorty ,who rolled the big sheet of iron all he’s peing te take some now.” _ jaround the stage like a hoop and finally ran it When Mr. Johnson had finished warbling|off at the entrance. the Kid rattled the tambourine, and said : “Tl have to soak pop for that,” “Did yer never hear me sing a ballad, pop?’|the Kid when the curtain’ went down. “No, Ineverdid.” . getting funny again, he is. Said he woul “Well yer don’t want ter.” * Tdon’t think I do.” play no kids or cods on me and then goes right jealous, Maybe you don’t think ae going tage hunk for that li i on and does’em. All right for you, Gaw; ttle crack rf “Yas’r, I do dat,” muttered the coon, but-he was very glad when Josiah dropped the sub- ject. and told him to get ready to go around-to he theater.” That night the | eS pepe was a dandy one to) again. \ — - “T say, pop,” he asked, after the had been gone through with, reason dat a blind mule can’t see?” “Why, that’s very easy, George,” replied Jo- i our comprehension, : ; ” BeOS: what I said, gov’nor.” Far more so Thad soine others to which I'l) call atten- at eae dat am a good one. Spe ms “Why, any fool knows that.” eases mad as de debbil when I tol’ him dat, hey Yes, but you don’t seem set Bea “Co’se he will. Yah—yah, oh my! Pl the reason a blind mule cannot san i LM nad ebss and begins tor 800. ; 5 There is really no occasion for resorting to profanit ike ossessed. inks “Dat’s der proposition before der meetin’- z ere *1- The Old Man is waiti house Roe i: : i et Why, ecause he’s blind, of course. “No, sir; dat ain’t der reason.” ; _ “Well, sir, will you be so kind as to tell me, then, why a blind mule can’t see?” “Because he’s out ob sees in, of course.” “Take me back to home and mother,” marked Josiah. “Ah, Be One said the Kid. ‘“Can’t yer get But the biggest Tnalefactor tha: ever yet was born | | o¢ $s the idiotic, undering chump who treads upon y your corns.” 3 E 96 ‘Down he went, as wet as a drowned rai j bic much surprised as well. \ “Little moss rosebuds twine ‘round the} The audience thought it was all ri 4 re- along without yer mudder at your age, you oldjdoor,” remarked the Old Man in a pathetic|shook their sides with laughing when t eet You make me weary, you do.” tone, winking at the female impersonator on|was closed in, or “That's a song, sir, and you must not inter-|his left. s When Shorty got his breath Pee * rupt.” | \ Yh “Yes, dey do—like fun,” snickered that irre-|the middle of the stage, with Charlie | Oh, it’s a,song, hey?” ‘ jpressible Kid. “Skunk cabbage and pig-weed, | him very sympathizingly. ; ae ** Yes, sir.” you mean, don’t yer, grandpop ?” Abt first the Kid was going to’ ackno . “Are you going to sing ib?” — “Be quiet, sir,” said Mr. Burwick, with althe corn and cry quits, but somethi © No, sir; Tam not going to sing it.” frown. ‘This is a very pretty song, and you|Shorty said induced him to change that bill “Cause if you was I was goin’ to ax you if Ijmustn’t interrupt.” conduct for another and most decidedly could go out. I’ve got the nose Blood, or der} ‘ Let her go, taper at Roses come high dis|one. z ae teeth-aches or suffin’ or noder.” | : time o’ year, but it’s your funeral, so if you| ‘‘ Der Old Man is gettin’ awfully f “Nonsense, sir! there is nothing the matter|/must have ’em, it ain’t my lookout.’ ' |the drowned runt. “‘ Guess he thinks ‘with you.” , a The programme proceeded, and everything|playing in tank dramas and dat I. “Yes, dere is, honest.” _ Cea in it was good, and at the end of the first part/mind getting soaked.” ; iit DNs - iy theo Pea} = i = ; : rant ; Ne ee * sh i J $i. ow My a pater * Ragenaryar its Wx SES et . heer ks
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. —_ “Oh, he knows you get soaked, Dad,” laughed the Kid. ‘I’ve seen you try to open a door with a buttonhook myself.” “Tt looks funnier to throw a bucket o’ water on a feller, stead of a pail o’ bran, but I didn’t Suppose. dat old duffer would think of it.” No, yer ops have fetched yer umbrella if yer had,” laughed the Kid. He tumbled to the fact that Shorty suspected the Old Man of playing the trick on him and he did not let Shorty know any different. “Dad will want to make a date with Grand- op after that,” he thought to himself, “‘and hen there'll be more fun. Guess I won’t say nuthin’ just now.” snap. Charlie mig he never sai other fellow do the talking. ““Grandpop doesn’t know but what it was all right to chuck that pail of water,” he.chuckled, there’s going to be some fun.” “The governor is ore Shorty, to himself. “ Vhowt another one to pay for it, that’s all.” and he at once began to think up a return ht have put things straight, but} a word, preferring to let some ‘“‘and dad thinks the Old Man done it and funny,” remarked ever supposed he’d think o’ that snap? Well, I gotter give him Having settled in his mind that there was) going to be some fun, that jolly Kid concluded | ldon’t step on them right, but Shorty did not know that, his snap on the Old Man being of another sort. In came Shorty with the Kid, having a dis- cussion. “Dat am de place I tol’ yer,” said Charlie. “No, it amn’t. Yo’ am mistooken sah, bery much.” “ Tol’ yo' Lain’. Yo’ jess go up an’ brace de man wha’ libes dere.” Shorty went up those steps, got to the top and suddenly slid down to the bottom. Josiah then appeared at the top with a grin jon his face. Ta A A, i fp ETUTUALL TA i Dulin | | i EA crc | eé, which is the one nearest the footlights, an old man dressed in a 7 Suddenly there appeared at the prompt entran ; d with one half of his face peck and the other half white. pair of socks, drawers and a shirt, an aaa _ “Mighty funny old bloke pop is,” said Shorty.|that he might as well have some himself and} Hetthought the thing was regular, but he _ “You and me wants to oak out for ourselves : how or he'll get the best of us.” aoe “Right ‘ou are, dad,” said that ‘bad Kid; as _ he went off to his dressing room. _ As Shorty was leaving the stage he met the Old Man, who had just come down from aloft. Why, bless me, George, how wet you are!” eried Josiah in unfeigned astonishment. _ Oh, yes. You don’t know how I got dat way, do you, pop?” laughed George. \ “OF course not. Is it raining outside?” _ “How about dat pail o’ water you dumped on e Bor ” “Pa of water!” echoed the Old Man. “Cert.” “J didn’t throw a pail of water on you, eorge. It was sawdust.” at won’t do, pop,” and Shorty walked off, en a word or two would have convinced him the old gentleman’s innocence and have put e credit of that little snap just where it be- CHAPTER XI. so make things all the more lively. «T know what I'll do,” he mused. ‘Po thinks grandpop played roots on him. Well, Tll soak dad again and make him think the Old Man did it. That'll stir things up, sure enough.” ; < The next day he proceeded to work things up with that end in view, saying nothing to any- body about it. Shorty put on the old farce of ‘‘The Coal Heaver’s Revenge,” with the intention of rig- ging the Old Man in return for that bucket of water the night before. : The Old Man was to play the doctor, and George and Charlie were the two bad boys, other characters being taken by the company. The Kid suspected what Shorty’s little game was, and he prepared himself ee domme pf The farce was put on along in the mi de of the bine} giving the characters time to dress for it after the first part. After a song and dance by the three boys, the flats drew apart and disclosed a street scene with a set house at one side, approached by a soa was sure that the Old Man had pur- posely dumped that bucket of water on him, ee of steps. hese steps were the kind that shut up if you could not help laughing all the same. “That’s another one pop played on me,” Gunehe Shorty. ‘‘ He put up them trick steps.” Wie hat do you want, boys?” asked the Old an. “‘Dat’s de fellah, shu’ nuff, ain’t it?’ whis- pered Charlie. **So it am, an so’s I fall down. he done put lard on dem steps ““Say, boss, are yo’ got any wo’k fo’ a fellah to do?” asked Charlie. - ‘Why, certainly, you'll find six tons of coal around at the back gate. You can put it im if you like.” “ A’ right, boss, we do um,” said Seige? 8 oe the Old Man went on, and Charlie said : “Yo? know wha’ dat snoozer do ef we frowin , dat, coal ?” “Gib us free dollahs apiece.” ‘ ; “No, he won’. He won’ gibus nuffin’.” Dat’s de way he serbe us de oder time, don’ yo’ ’mem- bah?” **So he did.” : . : “ An’ I’se gwine to get eben wif um. Yo’ knew how?’
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‘ THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. poet t 25 ** Co’se not.” **T’se gwine ter get dat coal an’ break all him!) windahs.” “Huh, dat am good. Reckon dat fix um fuss rate.” “Come on, den.” Then they skipped out and a great crash was heard outside. Presently the Old Man came in again, but not down those steps, looking very mad. He had a big fat club in his hand, and he handled it in a way that meant business. “ There’s them bad boys breaking all my win- dows,” he sputtered. ‘Tl fix them for that, see if I don’t.” : pen, but it did not. a brick in the end of it. Shorty had fixed that club, and when the Old Man whacked him with it, it would burst, and} Mr. Josiah would get a lot of flour in his face. That’s what Shorty thought was going to hap- The Kid had changed clubs, and this one had The Old Man stole up behind Shorty when he was doubled up and let him have a good one} right in the stern sheets. } Jerusalem ! Y Shorty slid six feet on his nose and thought that a mule had kicked him. When he got up, thie scene was closed in and| ay cy l rr ML tibiae AINANVA ii CTT TESA ready in his collection, and he was on the look out for more. Shorty thought it was about time to work off that return snap on his dad, and Chicago was as good a place as any and Christmas Hve the best time in the world. On the morning of the day before Christmas the Old Man received a letter which threw him into a fever of excitement. It was signed by no less a name than that of - the boss explorer and Nile source hunter, Mr. Henry M. Stanley. Of course, the Old Man was excited over it. Just think of the honor of getting a letter $:8g WM IT mm mill sn LN . & rT : Josiah put his hand on his heart, advanced a step, smiled and said: ‘**I am deeply touched, my friends, at this manifestation of your regard for me, and your appreciation of the great honor done me by . ; _ bad boys came in again, laughing at a greatig ms rate. \ as “ Am dat de way ter get even on him? _ “Specs it am, Jeems. Yah-yah, how mad hejnow.” _ get.” % “Reckon he pay us fo’ de nex’ coal we putin _ fo’ him.” - “Oh, Lor’, yas. Oho, i ting I eber done.” ie 1h meant it. , ' He doubled up, straightened out again, ‘slapped his leg with his hands, and doubled up ‘again, laughing all the time. Te had the middle of the stage, the Kid was on the right, and the Old Man was on the left behind a tree. ay. _ “Yah-yah, dat was de bes’ ting I ever see,” he ‘roared, shaking himself. ; - Then outstepped the Old Man with the club. _ The Kid saw him, but Shorty did not. ; | The latter was still laughing, being all doub- Jed up with mirth, his back to the Old Man. The thing for the latter to do was to beat ‘Shorty with the stuffed club. ; Pet. OAS Sry re my friend Stanley.” ~ rin on his face. “Well!” muttered Gawge, “I reckon po gettin’ too funny forme. Dat’s two I owe at is im The Cincinnati engagement closed a day or so *¢Open the box!” howled the crowd. Then he stepped behind a tree, and the twojthe Old’ Man was leaving the stage with a big|from the great African tramp and cannibal walloper, Mr. Stanley ! aed think it mighty fine yourself, wouldn't — you : At all events, Stanley’s name was signed to the letter, and that was enough. after this, and the show went to Chicago for a| It was somewhat in this style: solid month or longer, beginning with Christ- dat was the funniest}/mas week. : The Shortys were prime favorites in the breezy en Shorty began to laugh as if he reallylcity, and Were sure to draw e the date. business, and Shanks well knew when he ue) They opened to smashing bi the promise was that it would in the city, and so did the Old Man. The latter had lately been developing as a crank of the worst sort; to wit: a collector, his being. rare specimens in the line of specialt, natural history. He had already shipped on to New York enough stuff to stock a three-story dime mu- seum, and there was more to come. Six-legged mer-headed beeti raccoons, and all | i. ; ; eep up during the run, for the little jokers had lots of friends cats, red-white-and-blue mice, ham- : es, flying squirrels, fan-tailed/ural histo sorts of gueer objects were al-[now ? ve “New YorK, Dec, 2@. “My Very ESTEEMED FRIEND,—It gives me supera- ood houses, asjbundant pleasure to assist such a well-known collector as yourself, and I therefore send with this a very rare and valuable specimen of the rarest bird found in equa- torial Africa, the ‘ hennipenni-altitudinus-vulgaris,” © knowing that yon will be pleased to have one in your collection. Full directions for the care of this valuable | and most delicate bird will be found on the box. “Yours to command, STANLEY.” ** Well!” exclaimed the Old Man when hehad ~ swallowed the letter, “I think I’m somebody after all.” d He lost no time in finding Shorty and the Kid and then showed them the letter and said: “There now! maybe you boys think my nat- researches amount to something Maybe you'll make fun of me after this? i I
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Poe i: THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. , % } “That's great, pop,” said Shorty. ‘ Where is|though he never knew how, he was so nervous der bird?” and excited. z “Tt has not arrived yet, George, or possibly it} Why wouldn’t he be nervous and excited may be at the express office.” when he was about to receive a Christmas pres- ‘**Let’s go down and see,” said the Kid. ‘‘Ifjent from the great Stanley? ' der thing is delicate yer don’t want to leave it} Of course he would be, and so, he was. in no express office.” abe : “T tell you what let’s do, pop,” cried Shorty,; went the curtain. CHAPTER XIII. Sfrorry took the cloth off the box containing — Mr. Stanley’s wonderful present. r Well, if you called that thing a bird, it was — certainly the funniest-looking one you ever * % s saw. The first part was over at last, and down Tt had a big head, a ve long body, four very > A “ » cat ee short legs and a stump of a tail. mats ave w presentation oh des sage to) Hurry uy pon” sid. Shorty. lip tnt "Naactiewarno more no ies han a brown RD ready when I give der word. Shanksy is going Bee et of ee bind, oe vlaaghal Short ter say suthin’ to der crowd so’s ter kind 0’ let Do you think Mr. Stanley would like it, George ?” -“ Cert’nly he would, and he'd be here if he|’em know what's coming, don’t yer know?” | could, but he’s got engagements.” Josiah could never have got the cork off his oa Why, I know Stanley,” put in Charlie.|face that night if he had been left to himself, ‘He'd come sure, pop, if he could. Go on,jhe was that shaky. ; have der presentation. However, Ginaer Jones was there, and he re- - Well, if Mr. Shanks, thinks it would be ajmoved it in a jiffy. oe good thing, and if Mr. Stanley doesn’t mind,”|) Shanks went in front of the curtain, and said Josiah, hesitatingly, ‘“‘perhapsit would bejsaid: _ 2 ht a good idea.” “Ladies and gentleman, it gives me great ‘Of course it would, pop, and I tell yer, pleesuces to inform you that Mr. Henry M. Stanley would be just der boy ter have it dat|Stanley, the greatest living explorer, has pre- way. Ain't him and me pals, and doegn’t hejsented Mr. ‘Burwick with a rare specimen of know you, the biggest collector in de country ?/African ornithology, knowing his reputation as *Course he does.” a collector and desiring to show his apprecia- At this juncture, though quite by accident,|tion of services former! y rendered him by our Shanks happened along, and the matter was|esteemed friend.” i referred to him. Of course.there was a storm of applause after Shanks had an eye to business every time,|this, for Stanley was almost as big a card as the and he at once declared that the proper thing to/Shortys themselves. : : do was to have the presentation on the stage. ||“ ee the esteem in which you all hold The astute manager knew that there would|Mr, Burwick,” continued Shanks, “we have be a big hause were Stanley's name mentioned|concluded that it would be highly proper, the in advance, and he meant that it would be,|box ie te grin Mr. Stanley’s preeent having knowing more ways than one by which tojonly just arrived, to make the’ presentation spread the news. here on the stage, and let you.all see the won- ‘“* Of course you must have the pes narag # on/|derful bird brought from the heart of Africa by the stage,” he said, “and read Stanley's letter|Mr. Stanley, and now to be presented to our and all. I-wish he could be here, but I sup-jold friend, Mr, Josiah Burwick, the father of pose that is impossible.” all the Shortys, the progenitor of a race of fun- “T never dreamed of such a thing,” gasped|makers.” Josiah. ‘That would be too much honor.” There was a lot more applause at this, and “He can’t come anyhow,” said Shanks, ‘for|now the curtain rolled up and Josiah Burwick, he is away out West, or East, or somewhere to-|in white face and evening dress, came forward. night, I remember reading something about He was followed by Shorty and the Kid, and it in the papers.” then by two pupets carrying a big box covered “T only wish the bird were here,” sighed Mr.|with a cloth, which they placed upon a stand at Burwick. “Yd give anything for a privatejone side of the stage. : Beep of it in advance,” Then there was some more noise, and all “Wish yer meet pop, but if it had come,|hands had to bow. 5 ‘ expressmen would have sent it up by this) Shorty came down to the footlights, the Kid time.” on one side, Shanks on’the other, and the Old “Let's go and see, George. I am sally Man alongside. a fraid thatesomething may happen to it, and “Ladies and gents,” said the comical little wouldn’t have that occur for the world.’ runt, “dis is my pop, good old pop! You all fe had to the principal express offices and in-|know me, to be course.” ~ quire, Mr. Burwick,” suggested Shanks, “Bet yer life! sang out the galléry. “T wish you would,” muttered the Old Man.) “My pop’s going ter get a present, and dere “You don’t know anxious I ato about it. Thisjit is in der box, 1 is really the event of my life, and you don’t) ‘‘‘This here is a bird, and Stanley sent it_to know—you can/t know—how nervous lam atjmy pop. It's a very particular bird, and Pll , this moment.” read yer what Stanley says about it.” “Keep your shoes on, Pap, laughed Shorty.| Therewpon Shorty took out a long roll of “Der thing’ll come all tight—don’t you be paper an began to read : Sey a ay ‘ “This is a specimen of the hennipenni-cocka- “Why, certainly it will,” added the Kid. eo ne eansie sean dos Africanus. «When Hank Stanley says he’ll do a thing, yer|_ “‘ Keep dry and use no hooks, for he is a yery bet yer life he'll do it.” __|delicate creature. However, the| Old Man was not satisfied! till) ‘Do not feed him on brickbats, tomato cans Shanks had assured him that he would look|or nutmeg graters, for his appetite is very sen- the thing up and had actually'started off on his|sitive. arch. y ; “ Never let hinr go out in the rain without,his That long-legged manager raced all over the|umbrella, overshoes, waterproof and muffler, city of ri ea ut he did not find the express/for he is extremely sensitive to heat or cold. package all the same. “Don’t give him more than sixteen meals a At any rate, he manged to let people know/day or you might overfeed him, and he is pretty that there would be a big surprise at the thea-|fat as it is. ter that night, and that it would be worth) ‘‘Don’t let him die by any means, for you! _ while for people to be present. won't get another one like him in six thonsand _ It was not very surprising that he did not\years.’ _ find the box sent by Stanley, however, seeing} The audience began to catch on and scent a _ that Shorty had it all the time. gag, but neither the Old Man nor Shanks had % The little rant hung on to it also, and it did any idea of taking a tumble. not appear until just before the curtain went| ‘“ How very extraordinary,” muttered the Old up. Man. i 4 eae Burwick was informed of its arrival as}! “I wonder how much of all that Shorty -. he was busting pn the finishing touches to his|made up,” thought Shanks. make-up, and his relief may be imagined. “ Speech—speeeh !” yelled the crowd. “When didit come, George?” asked that ner-| Josiah put his hand on his his heart, advanced vous, Old Man, j * a step, smiled and said: , * Just now, pop. _ It. came to the theater.” | ‘I am deeply touched, my friends, at this “Can't Llook at it, George?” * manifestation of your regard for me, and your “ Ain’t got time, pop. Der box is covered alljappreciation of the great honor done me by my _ over.” friend Stanley.” . ; “Open the box !” howled the crowd. he box. BAS fy atone “ Ain’t he a bute, gov’nor?” asked the Kid. The Old Man looked es Badlg Shanks seem- — ed puzzled and the crowd howled. ay “Those boys have brought in the wrong box,” iti eap tiica dry, pops" anak led Sort eep him dry, pop,” chuckled Shorty. sf Dee nO hooks,” adda Charlie. j Josiah began to look mad, for the audience was shrieking with delight. d Then Shorty opened the box, and the dog — jumped out and made a bolt for the Old Man. This was a little more than that ancientparty could stand. : : ~ He gave one howl, took to his heels and got _ away as fast:as he could skip. é 4 The dog followed, and Shorty and the Kid — took after the dog, while two supes lugged _ away the box. : “‘ Well, those two jokers are really too bad,” muttered Shanks. “I wonder what they a F with the bird?” Even Shanks did not tumble to the snap yet. He did tumble to the fact that the whole house was laughing at him, however, and he dusted as a lot .of song and dance men rushed — on and began to do their great act, ; Josiah escaped from the dog, which Shorty — and the Kid collared and hustled out of the — way, and then he looked around for those two _ jokers. “The idea of their bringing that thing on,” he sputtered, as he went to his room.. “They — they did with the bird. I’d really like to see it.” hen he reached his room he heard Shorty ~ and Charlie laughing in the room next to him, i and from their conversation he vealized just BS how he had been sold. es There was no bird, no Stanley, no nothing, just a plain sell, by those two comical runts. y Of course he was disgusted, not to say mad. >, made a regular fool of me. I wonder what. “That settles it!” he said with a grunt. “Tl go home to-morrow.” ft - When he reached the hotel he told his wife % of his decision. ony “Go home on Christmas!” ejaculated Angie. — 1 aa all day ona holiday! Well, 1 guess not.” —~ \ f “a ' “Ah, pop, what's the matter with you?” = cried Gal. “Don’t you want me to haveany fun at all? Whoever heard of spending Christ- — TAS OH the cars? It’s too mean, and I won't i o it.” ; Ge “California!” said Josiah, sternly. nat “‘T wish you wouldn't call the bo ridiculous name,” said Angie. ‘Ca: very well, but California is simply absurd.” *“Yes, you might as well call me New York or South Carolina,” put in Cal. ‘“‘ Why didn’ were not spent i you, pop?” , “ Beeause my early Li tg those States,” answered the practical ol duffer. ‘‘I named you California because——” — “Because you didn’t know any better,” in- terrupted Angie. ‘Cal, go to bed. e are not going to New York.” X me ooray !” yelled the young scamp, rushing’ off. ie ‘“Angeling,” said the old man, “TI do not lik you to dispute my wishes before that boy. . weakens my authority over him.” qt “Don’t be absurd,” was Mrs. Josiah’s on answer. - : clang “And, moreover, we are going to New York to-morrow, Christmas or no Christmas.” i “You can go if you like,” said Angie. “Iam_ going to stay in Chicago.” Moreover, she did stay there and so did the — old man. . He sputtered and scolded and blowed for time, but it had ‘no effect, for Angie left him sputtering and went off to gossip with other ladies, “Tt’s really toobad,” muttered the old hink of pla ing d, but it did o t might be wo
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es ‘, writes wv THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ea ae “Tl just soak it to those jokers,” he mused, aud make them tired, onte forall, of playing jokes on me whenever they see fit.” _There was a matinee that day and it was upon this cécasion that the Old Man got off his little gag on Shorty and the Kid, Shorty had put on the farce of “The Rival Lovers,” in which he and the Kid played the amorous coons, the Old Man was. the’ girl’s father, the Shorty Kids were three mischievous monkeys and the female impersonator was the black Venus. ; It opened with the lovely Clementina getting her dad out of the house on a wild goose chase so that she couid spend the evening with Sassa- tain meal, but it held something quite differ- ent. As a matter of fact, Josiah had hired some of the stage hands to’:put an old bath tub full of water in that box; and before. he knew it, Charlie went sousing into it. The audience took it for a part of the piece, and laughed, but Charlie did not find it so funny. He jumped out as suddenly as he went in, and just then in came the Old Man, At the same time Shorty came up from below looking like a drowned rat. He saw the Kid, and burst out laughing. Shorty and the Kid were even with himaf- ter all, and he had intended to make them tired of working off rackets on him. Those two runts guyed him like the dickens after the show, and he had to stand it, for when he threatened to go home they just laughed. “We thought yer wanted a bath, pop,” chuckled Shorty. ‘What's sauce for us ain’t sauce for you, is it, grandpop?” asked Charlie. “Oh, you go to thunder stamping away ina rage. That evening, when he came to the theater, ” snapped Josiah, the Old Man found a big packing case standing . RES _ Ak | ; Shorty opened the box, and the dog jumped out and made a bolt for the Old Man. ‘This was a little more than that ancient party could stand. He gave one howl, cook to his heels and got away as fast as he could skip. 3 oy fras Eelpot, her favored lover: whom she ex- pected. Then in came Shorty, and began to make fu- rious love when a tremendous knock upon the door was heard. : Miss Silesia Grosgrain screamed, went into a fit, let down herback hair, kicked over a wash- boiler and otherwise let loose her emotion and finally opened a trap in the stage and bade Shorty hide in the coal cellar till the old gent had gone. 4 Here was where the Old Man got in his little racket on Shorty. ‘ As that littl runt went down the ladder placed under the trap, the Old Man yanked it away and down went Shorty into a barrel of water. 3 “Here's a pretty business,” muttered Shorty, as he got out. ‘‘How’mI going on again, all Mey like this? Wonder if that fresh Kid did at?” a - Meanwhile the Kid, as Mr. Honeycooler Lim- burger, the other lover, was wooing the dusky ‘damsel up‘above for all he was worth, when there came another knock, and the maiden pro- ceeded to hide the Kid. He was to be put in a box supposed to con: ma Ea es is MET earache ive (Ve | “Guess dere must ha’ been a flood, hey Chawles ?” he asked. ; “Or dey took us for tank actors, Gawge,” an- swered the Kid. ‘ Aa The Old Man was smiling mii more broad- ly than his part warranted, and those two jolly jokers caught right onto the snap. Charlie winked at George, and pointed to the bath tub, Both then suddenly made a_ dive for Josiah, guns him up, and chucked him into the tub in a jiffy. ‘The O14 Man spluttered and yelled, and kicked, but Shorty gave the sceneshifters the wink, and he and the Kid grabbed the blushing maiden and waltzed down to the footlights, while another scene was shoved on. ready to split. _ Ginger Jones got his master out of the tub, and gave him a good rub down and something id besides, but Josiah was too mad to take cold. . His little snap had worked all right until it) |kicked and. caught him on the recoil, and then it wasn’t so funny. ; IVI cape minim Then all three did a jig, the two Shortys| \dripping wet, and’ the other fellow laughing came +s : in the middle of the floor in his dressing-room, _ ““ What's this ?” he asked Ginger. ““Donno, sah ; neber seed it befo’, sah,” said the coon. { ae “It’s very singular to put a big box like that ny AF I in one’s room,” muttered Mr, Burwick, putting — + on his glasses. } : re “So it am, sah, bery singulah,” assented Ginger. ; po he eae He wasn’t disputing anything that the ol gent said nowadays. t “There must have been some reason for it, 0 course,” continued Josiah, walking around the — other side of the box and surveying it from an. other quarter. “ * Spec’ dey mus’ hab been, sah, else de bo wouldn’ be yer,” remarked Mr. Jones wisely. — ** Aha, I see, why yes, to: be sure, this must be the box after all,” suddenly exclaimed the — Old Man, glancing at the top, which came nearly to his shoulders, so that he did not hay to stoop much. titres “So itam, it am de bery box,” put in Ginger, ho had not the slightest idea what he was Ww talking about. It wouldn’t do to argue with the Old
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latter said. : ‘Why, to be sure. Here is a card with my name on it, and here is a label from the express company, and here is—yes, it must be, the mark of the African shipper. I really believe that this is my wonderful bird, after all, the—m m —what-do-you-call-it Africanus. Certainly, that’s what it is.” ‘ “Dey ain’ no mistake about it, sah, dat am de bery one,” exclaimed. Ginger. + “Run and get a hammer, a chisel, a can- opener, no, no, | mean_a case-opener, a screw- driver, anything,” cried the Old Man, excitedly. “Tam dying to see this rare bird. Hurry up you stupid black blockbead, and don’t stand staring like that.” Ginger got an acceleration of motion upon him very shortly when his toss began to speak like that. \ He dusted out so suddenly, in fact, that he nearly upset the Old Man, and ran smash bang into one of the stage hands who happened to be passing the door. When he returned he brought a big sledge hammer, an overgrown screw river, a chisel, a tack lifter, a patent nail extractor, a saw, a center bit, a plane, a drawing knife and a small tool chest. : z “Heah yo’ is, sah,” he exclaimed, depositing his small carpenter shop on the top of the box. “Well, well; bless-my heart, you need not have brought all those things,” muttered Josiah, ““and you'll have to take them off the Lae they're in the way there, you half-baked idiot.” Ginger hustled those things off that box in a jiffy when the Old Man took that tone, you bet. In fact, he hustled themso quickly, that he came within one of dropping the Peer Mr. Burwick’s bunions, and did, in\point of fact, tickle his ribs with the saw. “Now then, look sharp, you pudding-head !” yelled Josiah. ‘What are yu doing? Can’t you see what you are about? Here, give me that thing, you black jackass.” That thing was the patent case opener, and Josiah took it and tried to use it. : He was a little too short, however, and he had to give it up. ¥ “Bring me a ¢hair or a box—something to - stand on,” he sputtered, getting mad again. “Haven't aoe any sense at all, you smoked dromedary?” . Yes, sah, no, sah--heah yo’ is, sah—dis am de ting, sah,” sputtered that rattled coon, fetch- me chair from a corner, f course that was the very chair of all that he should not have brought. ‘Tt had been placed on the sick list, and was at . stuck away in the most remote corner, so‘that|pead -no one would use it, That was probably the reason why Mr. Gin- ger picked it out from half a dozen, any o which was nearer to hand than it was. He stood it alongside the box, and then as-|o¢ }; sisted the Old Man to mount. Josiah gave just one yank with that patent machine of his, when smash went that chair, falling apart like a moldy cheese. 2 -- The-nail embezzler went one way and Josiah - the other, coming down solidly on the biggest part of him with a thud, not a dull, sickening one, but just a plain every-day thud, something like the sound of dropping a rotten apple from _ the gallery upon the bald head of ‘a man in the orchestra. Oof !” remarked Josiah, when he sat down. That was about all he could say, his crockery BS a ade having been jolted out of his mouth. If he had had them in he would probably have’ saida pS deal more, and it would have shock- ed polite ears also, for my estimable old friend Mr. Burwick, is a rattler when he gets his m up. BS However, Ginger recovered his teeth for him, scolded the manager of the theater for being so careless, and then hustled around _and brought a chair upon which three men of Josiah’s build _ could have stood at one time with perfect safety. Being fixed at last, the Old Man got to wor THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. +; ‘however, and so he agreed with everything thelcbatr, coon, the father of the Shortys, and the| whole business. When the Old Man got upon his feet after the wreck, there was that rooster’s head and neck sticking out of the top of the box, as straight as a ramrod, but not a sound did the bird utter. “Wow! Dat am de bigges’ roostah I eber see!” exclaimed Ginger. ‘‘Reckon dat am de reg’lar Shanghae breed.” he bird’s head was nearly as big as Ginger’s, and his neck was two or three feet long, his comb being a good six inches in height. There he was, however, perfectly motionless, never uttering a sound, never even winking, and Josiah was puzzled. “Tt must be a sort of ostrich,” he muttered. * How am I going to get him back in the box? He may be savage. Goodness gracious, I wish T hadn't opened the box myself. “What doit say onde kyard, Mistah Bur- wick?” asked Ginger. “Tt says ‘Merry Christmas,’ but that dosen't tell what sort of a bird it is, Ks idiot.” “TI go get some co’n an’ mebby he go inter de box ag’in,” muttered Ginger, who was as much frightened as the Old Man was. ust then a voice was! heard outside, the voice of Shorty, asking : “Hallo, pop, ain't you’most ready? We're going to ring in five minutes.” _ “Bless me, if I hadn't forgotten all about it,” gasped. Josiah. “Come in here, George, I am in trouble.” In came Shorty made up for the first part. “That's a bully rooster you got there, pop,” he remarked. “Yes, it’s a present, but he dosen’t seem to want to go in his box and I’m afraid to touch him and I can’t get by ‘to get to my dressing table. What am I going to do, George?” “T'll fix him for you, pop,” said Shorty, and, oing up to the box he grabbed that bird by e head, shut him up as you would close an opera hat, put on the box cover stuck in one kids determined to give Josiah a surprise. There was a matinee, of course, as it was a holiday, and the old duffer was not in the best of humors on that account. He thought it bad enough to have to black bet and sit in the middle six times a week, and ha kicked against matinees on Saturday even, and so when it came to having two mats in a a week, and for two successive weeks, he was madder yet. “Thank goodness there won't be any more holidays until Washington’s birthday anyhow,” he muttered, as he got into the carriage to drive to the theater; ‘‘and that’ll be the last of ‘em, for we ain’t going to keep this thing up all the year, I hope.’ “Don’ know ’bout dat,sah,” put in Ginger. “T done hyar Marse Gawge say dis mo’nin’ dat he reckon he take de show plumb roun’ de worl’ aftah he get ter Frisco, sah.” “T won't go around the world!” declared Josiah, explosively. “ What do I want to go around the world for, at my time of life? It’s all nonsense. I’ve been around once and it nearly killed me, and I’m certainly not going around again. It’s too ridiculous.” “Well, I don’ know nuffin’ ’bout it, sah,” stammered Ginger, getting scared at the Old Man’s emphatic manner. “I on’y juss tol’ yo’ what I heered Marse Gawge say, dat’s all, sah.” * George says a great deal more than is neces- sary,” sputtered Josiah, “‘and you needn’t pay any attention to what he does say. I am not going around the world, and that settles it.” Ginger did_not a any more, and they pres- ently reached the t y the stage entrance. hen they arrived in front of the Old Man's dressing room eee found the door locked. Here is where the little surprise fixed up by the boys put in its appearance. eater and went in CHAPTER XIV. nail and then skipped out, Ginger Jones had watched this process, and now he began to laugh immoderately. “Oho-ha-ha-yah, oh, see Oh, fo’ goodness sake !” he ejaculated. “Well, ef dat amn’t de bes’ ving yet. Well, well, yas, indeedy, dat am de bes’ t’ing I eber see.” “What are you laughing at, you born idiot?” snapped Josiah, shying a shoe brush at the laughing coon. “Dat rooster ain’ live ‘tall, sah, it amn’t no rooster anyhow, it am on’y’a make-b’leve roos- ter juss like a jack in de box wha’ de chillens play wif. Oh, my! Neber had so much fun in all my bo'n days.” “ Shut up, you gibbering idiot,” yelled Josiah, letting fly a bottle of shoe polis at Ginger’s e If he had wanted to make his mark he should have thrown powdered chalk or condensed milk for putting black stuff ona darky is as super- fluous as gilding refined gold and all that sort usiness. ¥ ‘However, Ginger did not get hit and the wall did, and the mark was made just the same. ““Tshow you what I mean, sah,” said the coon, skipping over to the box and releasing the nail from the cover. Up flew that rooster’s head as before and crowed like the mischief, be enene d perfectly rigid when the crowing was finished. he thing was nothing but a big mechanical toy, that was all, and Shorty had given it to the Old Man for a Christmas present. Ginger started in oe in, Old Man chucked a hair brush at him and made him dust out of that in a jiffy. ; Then Josiah fixed himself up without that coon’s assistance and took his place in the middle just before the curtain went ane é The performance went off in rattling good style, as did everything that Shorty got up and the big audience went away delighted. The holiday season was_a lively one for all hands, for Shorty and the Kid were full of their okes and rackets ; everybody had to be on the ookout. Josiah was left alone for a time, as he had lately received something more than his share 0 again, and the > and ere the nails out of that box one after _ the oth of rackets, and the jokers did not want to give him too big a dose at one time. “Wat's the matter with this door?’ sput- a, et Old Man. an Reckon somebody done locked it,” replied Inger, “Lock a dressing-room door! Ridiculous! Never heard of such a thing.” em “All de same, yo’ cyant get it open, sah,” re- yor Ginger, putting his shoulder against the oor. ‘Well, see if it’s locked, then, you great stu- pid,” sputtered Josiah. “Dey ain’ no key init ifit am, sah,” answered bia ; x “ Well, then, try the knob, you idiot,” ped the minute. “Done toned de knob a’ready, snap- Ola Man, who was getting mad by the sah,” said Ginger, ‘‘an’it don’ do no good. Reckon de do’ am locked.” “Well, then, burst it open. I can’t stay out in this cold place all night.” Ginger pee his shoulder to the door, when it suddenly flew open, and he went flying into the room all in a heap. ; ““Bress mah soul, wha’ do dat?’ he gasped, as he went sprawling. Then he saw three white fl; : j res coming to- ward him wavin their arms and groaning. It did not take him long to ad up after that, “De Lawd sabe me, look o’ dem_ free chao he yelled, jumping up and making a reak, Lay ; Josiah was just coming in to see what all the fuss was about. ; Ginger fell all over him, and down he sat very sudden. “Ugh!” he clean over his yards oe “What do you mean by knocking me down like that, Burwick, Ginger was fortunately too far off to *““Didn’ meanter do it, sah, deed I di dem ghostses done frikened de sense out’n me, sah.” 2 “ What ghosts, you idiot?” “Dem free big, white come out ob de room, sah. : “Nonsense! You've been ‘drinking, sir, Syne while the coon pitched ead and landed on his own t aying about him with his stick. et hit. ’, but — clean hostses wha’ done © still in Chicago, and on this occasion the three SG i big black fool?” demanded Mr. r. "When he took the last one out, Ginger stand-| The Shorty Kids were up to as much mis-/There are no such things as ghosts,” snapped _ ing alongside holding on to the chair to keep itjchief as their capacity for that sort of thing|Josiah, getting up. 3 F ie from tipping, up flew the lid with a bounce. would allow, but they very seldom troubled the| ‘’Scuse me, sah, I don’t like ter’spute yo’ — Out popped a big rooster’s head with a cardlelder members of the family for very good and|wo’d, sah, but I done seed ’em m’se’f, sah, very tied around its-neck, and began to crow like one|sufficient reasons. lain.” s * clock. ; However, they had tackled the old man be-| Then where are they now? ; “Bless me!” ejaculated Josiah, jumping back-fore now without getting caught, and about) True enough, where are they ? * wards, . '|this time they concluded to ne it on again. Mr. Jones looked into the room very cauti- inger did the same thing, and over went New Years day came around, : ie Fir 4 Ls s 4 the show being ously before entering. i A pe.
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THE SHORTYS ON. THE ROAD. a e There wasn’t the first sign of a ghost, or any- thing else out of the-common. Ginger scratched his head, went in, looked all around and finally muttered : “Wall, I don’ see’em now, sah, sure nuff, but maybe dey am a scared ob yo’ sah, an’ done run away.” ‘ “Nonsense, you've been drinking, I tell you, but if this thing occurs again I’ll discharge you; on the spot.” “Deed, sah, I ain’ teched a drop ob nuffin’ to-day, sah,” protested that poor coon. Josiah would not believe him, however, and he once more declared that he would discharge that coon on the spot if he offended again. Meanwhile the. show was proceeding at a rattling rate. Shorty had told a story, the Kid had sung one of his best ditties, the balladist had charmed all hearers by his sweet notes, and the bass singer was getting down to the sub-cellar of his voice in a song about Dublin Bay or something ‘of that sort. “Tsay, grandpop,” said the Kid suddenly, “what's the difference between a ton of coal jand a wooden leg?” “That's a strange question.” ‘Never mind dat, grandpop. ference?” “Tm sure I can’t tell,” What's der dif- * | « Ah, goon,” grunted Shorty. ‘Dat ain't na sort 0’ answer.’ |. § Well den, ’'U give yer another one. Der diff ‘is dis: You put de coal in a place in de yard, but de wooden leg goes in de place of a foot, see?” | Call me back again,” said the Old Man, noa- ding to one of the singers. : “Dere ain’t nodanger of your getting called back, grandpop,” said the Kid. ‘* We'll let yer istay when yer go.” “Don't interrupt, Charles. That is a song which Mr. Castle is going to sing.” “Who told him he could sing?” “* Nobody, of course.” LN ** Hold on—look out where you're going!” bawled the Old Man. Right ahead-~directly in the course they were going— was a danger post. That sudden, setting down had shaken him up in temper as well as in body, and poor Gin- ger got a fine, large dose of him before he was ready to go on. Ron’ see wha’ de mattah wif de ole ge’man to-night,” he mused when alone. “I ’elar ter _ goodness I see dem spooks just’ plain as any- fing a hol’in’ up deir ahms an’ sayin’ ’boo! an’ dat obst’nit ole ge’man say I’se been a-drinkin’, _ Neber did see de likes ob it, neber,” He wasn’t made any. wiser, either, for the hosts did not show up again, being at that ime engaged. in putting on the finishing touches to their make up. : : Of course you will have guessed that the three Shorty Kids were the apparitions, but neither the Old Man nor Ginger fonnd it out. é As for Mr. Burwick he did not ‘believe that 4 there had been anything, and Ginger did not _ know what to make of it. ; “Know bery well I see dem spooks,” he re- seemed to be totally deat just then. **T know,” “Well, sir, i ence.” Ket “Why, a ton of coal is a ton of coal, ain’t it, pop 4 “Certainly.” “And a wooden leg is a wooden leg’Of course, ain’t it?” : .““ Of course.” - “Well, dat’s der diff. Yer wouldn’t buy a ton o’ coal if you wanted a wooden leg, would yer?” ‘ “Very true, George.” 5 “Ah, dat ain’t der answer,” chirped the Kid. ““Youse fellers ain’t so smart as yer thinks,” ““ Well then, Charles, perhaps you can tell us the difference betweerl a ton of coal and a wooden leg.” ed out Shorty. me hear you explg<. the differ- “Course I can. I ain’t blind. You fellers|’ must be I reckon, if yer can’t tell der diff. Better go buy some specs.’ i peated, upon thinking it over, “but dey ain’ no Use ter say so, ‘cause dat pip-nesded ole ge’man ‘he won’ b'lieve me. I jist lay fo’ dem ghostses de nex’ time, dovgh, an’ smash ‘Snoots, dat’s wha’ I do,” dem in de ‘Well, but what is the difference?” *T don’t know.” ri Den yer an old stuff, dat’s all I gotter ter Say. j { 4 ** Look out!” roared Mr. Burwick, unable to help himself, but the Kid and Shorty “‘Den how did he find it out ?” # “In the natural way, of course. Who told — you that you could sing ?” a “ Nobody ever did, grandpop, and I know I can’t, but I’m heavy on speakin’ pieces. Ever hear me speak a piece?” ; ‘ “No, sir, and I don’t want to hear you speak a piece.” ‘Oh, but ’'m a on dat.” “But Mr. Castle is going to sing, I tell you.” _ “ Ah, no he ain’t. Folks don’t want ter hear him sing when I’m around. Just listen ter dis piece once.” ’ “Well, you must speak only one, then, and not take our time.” Just get onto this, grandpop,” and the Kid began to spout : * My little boy he’s asleep in his bed, Tired out with romp and play, The candle light falls on his curly head, As he dreams the hours away. His small jacket. thrown across a chair, His white, ruffled shirt doth mide; And his little slippers, placed with care, On the hearth, lie side by side. , Oh, littie shoes, may you never lead My boy from his duty astray; f
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_ business was a snap, as he 30 Oh, little feet, may you never tread The stony and thorny way; Oh, iittle goloshes, may you never go In the road thick with stones and thorns; And oh, little feet, may you never grow _ A full crop of bunions and corns,” The house laughed, but the Old Man looked disgusted. . “That's really too"bad,” he said, ‘I thought you were going to give us a sweet. little poem when you started out.” Then Shorty giggled. “Does dat young duffer look like a feller dat: could give you Say thine sweet, except taffy ?” he snickered. ‘‘ Ah, go on.” “Dat’s all right, grandpop,” laughed Charlie. “Dat’s de way dey write machine poetr tooth powder, soap and St. Bridget’s oil, get yer interested and den spring a a ae a Dere’s no patent on dat, anybody kin 0 16.” *© Gall me back again,” sighed the Old Man,}, erate Charlie, sah,” suggested Ginger. ‘ Dey’ll know and the show went on. It was a big success that night, and every night in fact, for all Chicago knew the Shortys, and the big theater was always eee The merry party was booked for a long stay, and so they made themselves at home and pic ed up a lot of acquaintances in addition to those mney already had, , The Old Man did not suspect that that ghost did not believe in such things, but he was getting rather ‘cranky just now, eet so that Shorty decided to get up something to settle him. If he had known about the ghost racket, the et would have had a talking to, but he did not and of course bye kept quiet about it. However, he and Charlie agreed to roast him on something else right away, to see if they could cure him of his general cussedness. There was'no use trying to soak him in the way of stage business, for he was gettin independent that he wouldn’t do anything but sit in the middle in the first part and would kick like a mule if asked to appear after that. As for getting him to do an Lapa: a farce ou might as well have asked him to jump off he roof, er wouldn’t listen to it. Well, Sho: and the Kid posted the door- _ keeper of the theater and everything was ready = he had the impudence to ask him if he wan _ to see anybod, aged to say : - Mistah = i y for their little snap, One cold, blustering winter's night in yard ‘ January the Old Man drove to the theater and, eet amg by Ginger, started to enter as usual. The man at the door barred their way and said gruffly : ; “Do xy want to see anybody ?” The Old Man was simply paralyzed with astonishments p The man had let him in a score of times, yet . “Of pource, Laat to see somebody,” snapped ‘osiali. oeoe is it, then? Gotacard? Who shall I The Old Man was speechless with surprise. Ginger Jones was astonished too, but he man- se aid ch sah, don’ yo’ know us? We am urwick and him wally, dat’s wha’ we The man look incredulous, and said with a chuckle : “Oh, no, you ain’t. I know Mr. Burwick, and I know his man. [let them in ten minutes 0.” ee eWhat ig “No, sir, not you, sir, but Mr. Burwick and - Ginger Jones.” ~ “But ’m Mr. Burwick myself.” “ An’ I'se Ginger Jones !” ; “Oh, no,” said the man. ‘‘ You can’t try any of that on me. I’ve been weaned, I ain’t no baby. You'll haye to tell some other story to have it'go down.” “Why — wales —you’ye seen me a d-dozen {-t-times,” sputtered the Old Man, scarcely able to control himself. “Yas'r, you, you’se seen me fifty times,” put in Ginger. _ “Never saw you before in my life,” said that ‘unblushing door-keeper. “If you want to see, anybod send in your names.” * Well, I neber did!” _. “W-wh-what do you mean, sir?” growled the ola Man, nearly dosing e. Do you know w for djall engaged. separ Josiah. ‘You let me in ten|in ' minutes ago?” his false teeth in his}goo ‘THE SHORTYS ON THE’ ROAD. —— is ie ROE a SC SM OR “Don't get gay, old gent,” said that inexora- le door-keeper. ‘‘ Mr. Burwick is inside, I tell you, and you can’t give me any fairy stories like that. “ Oh, he’s inside, is he?” sneered the mad old gent, with a sudden idea in his head. ‘‘ Well lease tell him that an old friend of his woul ike to see him.” : 2 Ee gage sir. What name?” “Josiah Burwick—same name as his own. Very singular coincidence, isn’t it? Ugh! I won't stand any more of this farce. Let me pass, sir, or I'll have you reported.” “Yas'r let us pass, sah, or yo’ git bounced, sah,” said Ginger. “That won’t do at all,” said the door-keeper. “You're only fakes and can’t get in.” “Send for Mr. Shanks, then, and he'll tell you vertisement| who I am.” “Mr, Shanks is too busy, and he won’t see no ope. “Tellum to sen’ fo’ Marse Gawge, or Marse us of course.” ; “To be sure. Send for Mr. George or Mr. Charles Burwick, either of them,” sputtered the Old Man. “I never heard of such impu- dence. The man must be drunk or crazy not to know us.” ““You wait here till I bring ’em, then,” said the man, passing through an inner door and closing it behind him. He returned in about five minutes. “You can’t work that snap on us, partner. Shorty and the Kid are busy and won’t see any- body, and Mr. Burwick says you're a skin.” Josiah was astonished beyond anything. He began to sputter away and makea great fuss, and at last tried to force his way past the door-keeper. The latter gently but firmly took the old man by the arm and led him outside, where he left so|him to coolhis heels and his anger on the coldjdoes,” sai pavement, ; Ginger Aes ere to cut up nasty, but the doorkeeper hustled him out into a.snow drift in short order and banged the door shut in a jiffy. “Now! Whade mattah wif dat man any- how?’ muttered Ginger, as he picked himself out of the drift. ; : “The idea of ejecting me from a theater where [ have been playing almost a month !” stormed the old man. “It’s preposterous. I shall see Mr. Shanks about it at once. No, I won't. Pll goright back to New York. Ginger, call the carriage.” “De car’'ge done gone away, Marse Burwick,” said the coon. ‘Well, then, order me another. We can’t stay here all night, freezing to death.” ‘Don’t spose yo’ could find a car’ge for love not money dis time, Marse Burwick. Dey are “Don't care what you think,” snapped Josiah. ‘4Goand lookfor one. I'll wait on the corner.” : There was a drug store on the corner, and here Mr. Burwick waited while Ginger hunted for-a carriage. That coon did not care to run about the cold, windy streets of Chicago looking for a coureee very long, and he presently hurried back to the drug store and told his boss that no conveyance was to be had. “Til #° and give that doorkeeper a piece of my ite »” he muttered, starting off at a tan- gent. 3 t When he reached the stage door peratn there was no one to oppose him and he w 1 ed right He heard the sound of music, and Sralleliie ¥0 the wings, he looked on the stage and saw that, the first part was in progress. Shorty and the Kid sat in their accustomed laces, and, yes, there he was, in the middle, fis own image, another man as like himself as you can. imagine. when blacked u he muttered, “Well, I must be going crazy ! as he went to his dressing room. Here he found the three boys getting ready for their act. ; ; f wee papa,” said Cal. “I thought you were sick.” “Pop had to put another man in your place,’ “He said it didn’t make any differ- ’ \ said Pete. ence anyhow.” z ““My dad said anyone could do your part, added Ed; “and when you didn’t show up, pose got one of the stage hands. He’s just as “H'm! no doubt!” growled Mr. Burwick. “He'd better take my. #9 ace allthe time. Cal, you're going to New York to-night. Ah, Gin- one for a carriage.’ AaEEO ES x * Ginger went off but did not do any telephon- ing, for he met Shanks and explained matters. hanks looked in at the show a minute and then laughed and took a tumble. “Those two jokers take the cake!” he observed, ‘‘ but I’ve got io smooth things over with the Old Man or he’ll leave sure enough.” Josiah never really knew the truth of the matter, for Shorty and the Kid and the door- keeper all made him believe that it was a mis- take and not a put up job, but he nevertheless was as cree as ever after it,on account of the injury to his pride. Shorty did not mind how much he kicked, nor did the Kid, but it bothered the women, and Shanks did not like it at all. Being the manager of the show, he had got all — the best dates he could, and had advertised the thing big, giving the.Old Mana Bred puffing, and of course he did not want that irascible old frand to skip. j He could run the show with George and Charlie and the boys, and make money, but he had advertised the whole family, and wanted to keep his word. When the Old Man kept threatening to go home, therefore, it worried Shanks, for the lat- ter thought Mr. Burwick might possibly be in earnest, and he didn’t want any such thing to arp “1 declare,” said Mrs. Josiah, one morning after her husband had been fretting and mak- ing all manner of fuss, ‘I do wish to goodness you would go home, Josiah Burwick, if you are going to bother the life out of all of us in this wer ; “Well, [had it distinetly understood, when were to be no practical jokes, ahd we don’t get ree ag) else. I'm sick of it and I'm going ome.” “You play just as many jokes as George f Rate, “only you don’t do them so if you’re going?” well. “ Why don’t you go home sh to goodness*you spoke up Caddie. “I wi would.” “You're just worrying the life out_of us, and out of the boys and Mr. Shanks and keeping us in a Hea of trouble all the time,” added Angie “and Ido wish you'd go if you're going an have an end to it.” ¢ “ Well, lam going,” snapped the old crank, “and you and Cal and Ginger are going with me. e'll leave to.night by the limited.” ; “You may, if you like,” spoke up Kate, Shorty’s wifeand Angie’s mother, *‘ but Ange- lina is not going to be drag; ed away from bala lant ust on your account.” ‘Indeed Mrs. Josiah. “ You make that boy’s life weary talking so much about going home, just when he’s enjoying himself so much.” ‘“Well, I'll go home alone, then,” snapped Mr. Burwick. re: “Then for heaven’s sake go now!” cried the three women at once. , Just then in came Shorty and the three boys and Charlie. ** Yer look sick.” ‘Oh, he’s been ee that he’s to New York,” said Caddie. “Better go out and get some fresh air, pop,” ‘‘Nonsense |” “No, it ain’ nonsense, good.” hile mn ; } “But I haven’t had skates on my feet for forty years.” : “Come on, anyhow. Come on, it'll do yer All yer want is fresh we started out,” said the Old Man, “ that there ’m not and neither is Cal,” added f “What's der matter, pop?’ asked Shorty. : going back is % said Shorty. ‘Me and der Kid and der boys are going skating. Come on, it'll do ap PR : “T go skating!” exclaimed the Old Man. — oy re. F iss air to blow de crankiness out o’ yer. I¢’ll make — a new man o’ yer.’ ; “Oh, yes, come on, pop!” cried Cal. The women all urged him to go, because they would not be bothe knew that if i morning. with him an 4} he did the more thab “What's the use of my going when I can’t skate?” objected Josiah. “Well, me and Charlie kin push yer, can’t we? We'll Bet one of dem chairs on runners and take yer all over der pond.’ y that,” said the 1d ou'd better take Ginger for fan. en “All right, take Ginge along if yer want ter, but come on peck e ur ue The three boys all had something to say abou it, and finally Josiah consented togo, They all went to Lincoln Park, where the lake was covered with a solid coat the ground all around had on its winter ov: coat of snow. , : i i 4 zat f of ice and
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ROAD. me See: Lt OS i git AA Vi Es. y THE SHORTYS ON THE OAD. = - The Old Man, ina big fur coat and a two-| They had skates on and he did not,‘you must/the rheumatism and the whole lot at the bottom story fur cap, looked for all the world like a}remember. : of the lake. E 3 Laplander or Esquimau, he was so round and} They didn’t lose any time either, but struck; He was glad when Josiah was out of his — short and fat. right out. hands and had gone on the stage, to sit in the Ginger Jones was not dead mashed on that osiah’s short, fat legs shot back and forth|middle and listen to those old gags. and weary sort Of weather, and would have much preferred |like piston rods, and he puffed like a alee jsongs as he had often done before. a omg 3 at the hotel and flirting with the| He was soon blown out, of course, the sweat} Ginger had had a pretty good day of it, and yellow chambermaid, but as Josiah had ex-|pouring off him by the buckets, when the Old Man had gone, that coon pressly ordered him to be present, there was no| ‘‘ Hold up, not so fast!” he snorted, trying to|stretched himself out on a lounge in the dress- ing-room, and proéeeded to fill’ in the hour in which Josiah would be absent, in the most reeable fashion. getting outofit. stop. Shorty and the Kid quickly fastened on their] ‘The two jokers kept right on, and poor Jo- skates, and, after gliding around fora few min-|.jah’s Jegs just trailed after him on the ice. : utes, came back and got the Old Man. : “Hallo, pop, you ain’t half running,” cried|. 1» four minutes Mr. Jones was fast asleep They hee him in one of those big, high-backed Shorty. Oe stad a foot.. You don’t want ter|22¢ eos himself. chairs that slide on runners, and then off they|take sick and kick the bucket, do yer?” Shortly afterward the three Shorty Kids started. ; “Yer a nice feller, you are, to make us do al]|c#me along, saw the door open and looked in. _ Ginger, being relieved of the res haat of! der work,” sniffed the Kid. “Get a move on| ,~ney beheld that colored sleeping beauty and looking after the Old Man, betook himself to|yer if yer don’t want ter get sick and croak,” _ |Chuckled. one of the houses of refreshment along the|" ‘thepoor Old Man could scarcely gasp and}, . Well,if that ain’t cheeky,” said Cal. “He shores of the lake and proceeded to enjoy him-)ihe two jokers stopped, being now near one of|"#kKes the cruller.” self to the best of his ability. — the Jake houses, H 7 “Yas’r, yo’ orter be ’shamed of yo'sev’s, bofe Poe fo’ anyting? Bress me if I oe membah: and saw that ob youse,” added Ginger. Then he happened to look u ‘“Hold on—don’t go so fast—don’t go so fast!” howled Josiah, The two scamps never heard him, or at least they didn’t seem to. They just let things go for all they were et. : nee no, they were too. fly for anything like at, They gave the chair a shove and then let go, coming to a stop in a few moments. Away went that chair with a rush gliding over the ice like the wind, and the Old Man yelling for it to stop. It did stop, sure enough, but not until it had © banged right on top of the sign post. . ‘ . . ‘ , d 5 * "Bien ifambled ber and dat went Josiah Ing alg aa mennt'yge abou, the Tag Gat bide ansing abons By He Uhre n again—| vould nor have happelion: “A up his hands to hit it, but could not reach it. = An the water, in tact. htm whed hel, That abut Ginger up, and hekkept quietatter| mae ie peutit up cco ot thee bie Makar "struck it and in he wont into the eald air *|that.. The Old Man got thawed out and dried|y:5 and sent the insect flyin BAe He was likewise in the soup, exceedingly pve ay ae jc wvasbent homein " foe foes vb be he went lying himself, hay- _ uch. 3 ? ‘ ¢ ; n overbala: ‘ 4a Se tabiuinkes all you could see of him was Catch me, Ponce out with those fellows Pier he went. atelicing: 4 bie stone cuspidore cS the top of his shining bald head floating on the|#82i0s” Be said more than once on the waylwith the back of his woolly head ; : inthe ah & Gonthelhome. “It's a wonder I haven't been killed!" 7 didn't hurt the head worth misnitlen aged Paharty and: the! Kid. #toodiba thiegood teapoe Se ere hte ea 5 tell hg! 2 93 fie cuspidore got it bad. aa gazing ab the sad s ectacle, while the three] 4° QC? tin Go amine nial side: shintod eis és ee ina eeoy Bs trubble, | er, sifting up. “‘ o de dooce; — Fi ter bath, but he had a touch of his old rheu- boys, not. knowing what had happened, were)" °' *4, ? * : Beilae tithedintence Ppened, were) matism, and when that got hold of him, he did put: dem han’cuffs on mah wrisses, an how's I} _ gwine ter get dem off.” autalibobhar ashi eo antante and an| not have the temper of an angel, unless it were Met - yelling like blazes. P beg pte ot Sg gore ea Lage ~sheab Se Se The boys just then heard the band playing _ '” “Help, help, save me!” he bawled. ear. ar and take » YOUlthe music which brought them on, and away The water was not really over his head when ‘| 7 _ __ |they bounced, leaving Ginger alone. bo Cie he stood up, but he thought it was. Ginger had cause, that n oy A regret the re-| ‘Ain’ gwine ter stay yer an’ let Marse Bur- At any rate it isn’t very great fun standing in turn of the rheumatism, the Old Man making|wick see me dis a way,” he remarked. “May- ice water up to your neat it decidedly hot for him. a _ |be one ob dem stage cyarpenter fellahs getdese — “Save me, save me !” he howled. Really, that coon was as good at fixing his|tings off’n me.” ; ae Shorty and the Kid wanted to laugh, but master up abet seth as Fee Cyan ress but Josiah sp he went and hunted up one of the — + they restrained themselves, so as not m5 give} Was cran lla id not think so. stage hands, who promised to attend to him .— “Hold on, pop, we'll fix yer;” cried Shorty. ; red he. “Can't you put tha ing, +h 4:32 + “Keep yer head u gov'uor, and we'll be|¢ork on without getting it all in my AE es” anattingeeece fred eaiting Wei tower ‘there in a minute,” added the Kid. , Kean’t help it, Marse Burwick, if yo’ keep!’ Moreover, the man skipped away and Ginger _ __, Half a dozen or more people had assembled|{G CGS Ober: said the coon, apologetically-|could not find him when he finally went to _ by this time, and more were arriving every| 1,d0n’ go fo’ ter do it, sah. fi \|hunt him up. ore second. Don’t tell me you can’t help it, you black! {hen he asked another man to help him, and _ Somebody gob a plank and ran it out to the|tascal. You can help it, and you know it.|the latter grinned and said he rome] presently. — Old Man, and it a little while he was hauled in|Don’t you know it, you scoundrel?” Presently was aslong in coming to time as | out of the wet.‘ - i 2 Yas r, [knows it, I kin help it, ob co’se,|girecti was, and Ginger went off to find some — _ “Come on, dad, you'll be sure to catch your|S#h. other fellow. : 1 ea e death o’ cold if yer don’t hustle,” said Shorty. This giving. in did not suit the Old Man any| By that time the first part was over, and the _, ‘Yes, grandpop, yer gotter run ter keep up|better than disputing him. Old Man went'to his room to fix up. Bast der circulation,” said Charlie. “Well, then, if you can help it, why don’t) In he went in a hurry, and the first thing mie ah _ Then those two little runts grabbed that poor|you, confound your black skin. knew a big, fat, seven legged spider was’ bob _ old dutfer, one on each side, and hustled him] “ Yas’r, I’se bery sorry,” muttered Mr, Jones,|bing up a his nose. ee ee aes, if SANTOY: jin a twinkling. wishing the minstrel usiness, the Old Man, “Great san!” observed Mr. Burwick, ; ice eee a, teen NR ba Sal ee i ra) Kis, siere i 45 Hiom
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ing back so suddenly that he sat down on the floor, made a compound fracture of his. sus- penders and nearly vomited his false teeth. ““Hi-hi, Ginger!” he bawled, “come here, quick, help, help!” Ginger heard the summons, and forgetting all about the bracelets, rushed to his master’s assistance. He rushed in so quick withal that he took a header over the Old Man and dove clean under the dressing-table. The Old Man got a biff in the ear from Gin- ers big feet and that put him in no pleasant ame of mind you bet. ome THE SHORTYS ON ‘THE wrists for?’ he demanded, angrily. ‘‘ What have you been doing?” “ Nuffin’!” “Then what made you put those things on |for, you idiot ?” | .“*Didn’ put dem on, sah. How’s I gwine ter put dem on m’sef I like ter know? I couldn't do it, sah.” | **Then who did do it, you old fool?” snarled |jthe Old Man, who was losing what little tem- {per he had started with. . | Don’ know, sah. Habn’t no idee who done done it.” y i ; That was just a shade too much for Josiah. “Got arrested, serves you right.” : “How long are they going to give you, Cooney? It ought to be six years.” At first Ginger was inclined to be uppish with those boys. ’ He realized, however, that ifhe was he could not expect any help from them. “Somebody done put dem tings on mah han’s when I was tookin‘ a lilly bit ob a nap in mah room,” he explained. “I spect it was Marsa Go’ge or Marse Charlie. Dem two fellahs is have you, Jones? Well, i always up tersome mischief or noder. Jess took dem t’ings off’n me, won’ yo’, young ge’- men ?” = ** Help, help, save me At any rate it isn’t very great fun standing in ice water up to your neck. He was not feeling very well to start with, “You don’t know, you black bedlamite!” he _ and _you can imagine how he felt after that. paapped. “ You're not blind, are you ?” *Yer Lis, sah,” gasped the coon. ‘ Wha’ yo} ‘No, sah.” i wan’, sah ?” “Then why don’t you know who did it?” _ “What do I want, you big fool ni To te!'l this would be to expose the secret of sputtered Josiah. “Is that the way told you to address me? What do “Scouse me, sah, I didn’ saw yo’ when I come in, sah,” apologized Ginger, pulling out from under the table. Josiah got up, saw that spider again, retreat- _ ed, grabbed up a boot from the floor, and let the _ reptile have it. : That is to say, he meant that the spider should get it. ; + he boot colliding with his nose. _»_ “ Hol’ on, hol’ on !” he yelled. Wha’ yo’ do - dat fo’? I ain’ done nuffin’ !” 7 “4 _handeuffed. : _ “What have you got those things on your oe Me ‘th you mean|room. by coming into the room in that fashion, you} That would ne lunkhead?” Ginger got it instead, however, the heel of|me no _ Then Josiah tumbled to the real character of oy he spider, and also to the fact that Ginger was|and s er?” eae the coon’s having been asleep in his master’s ‘ proceeded to invent a story to fit the occasion. ** Dey was leben or seben of dem come inter de room aftah yo’ done wen’ out an’ when fixin’ tings,” he replied, glibly, Cs suffin’ ober deir moufs, an’ I couldn’ tell who “You don’t say!” gasped Josiah. dey was.” “They must have been burglars. Did they take any-|ger,” snickered Pete thing, Ginger ?” ; ** Don’ know, sah, I didn’ see ’em, but dey tol tter say nuffin’ ef I didn’ wan’ mah haid blowed off.” s “The wretches!” gasped Josiah, beginning to mmage through his clothes. ‘ pie thought this was a good time to skip, ip he did without further ceremony. In the passage he met the three boys. _ “ Hallo, Ginger, what have you been doing?” ver do, of course, and so Gingerjis to turn it. . mah teef,” muttered Ginger. xX : he bawled. The water was not réally over his head when he stood up, but he thought it was. “*Save me, save me!” he howled. ** Well, you area big stuff !” “ And asblind as a bat!” Fest: “ What's the matter with your doing it?” Ginger looked surprised. es Wha’ yo’ mean ?” heasked. “Why there’s the key sticking in one of the things now,” laughed Cal. ‘All youhave to do “How yo’ spect I’se gwine ter do dat when. bofe mah han’s is tied up?’ demanded pe a I was|when he caught sight of the key which he ‘an’ dey all had'not before noticed, “What is your big, ugly mouth for, I'd like to know?” asked Cal. i “You haven’t just a little bit of sense, Gin: vie Not enough to last you over night, “Dat’s so, sure ‘nuff—I kin tone dat key wif Then he put his wrists up to his mouth and proceeded to business, Just then, however, those three bad boss ave him ashoye, sent him sprawling on the oor and dusted. F P About that same time Josiah came out of his "added —
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room to tell Shorty and the Kid about the bur- lars that had visited the place in his absence. it would not have been at all like the Old Man to get through without any trouble. Consequently, he must needs fall over Ginger just as that mad coon was getting up. Down they both went, and Ginger, thinking the boys were still bothering him, let fly with one of his big feet. Josiah got it in the neck and collapsed, utter- ing a loud grunt. “Dere! I’se just glad yo’ time !” declared Ginger, ‘Ser yo’ lilly debbil !” eet it good dat ® yo’ right, too, l li et In another minute th ‘ Josiah jumped to his feet, with anger in his eart. There was no convenient weapon at hand, but he had his feet, and knew how to use them. You will kick me, will you?” he stormed, “Well, how do you like that?” Thump , ha ban’ $* ae right, doesit? How’s that, then? ack ‘How dare you talk to your master like that, you black rascal ?” iff “Shall I ever teach you to treat me with ‘proper respect, you old fool?” Smack ! _ Every remark was followed up with a kick, planted in the best place possible. __,_ Mr. Ginger Jones shortly realized that it was _ the Old Man who was doing the kicking now. * Hol’ on, hol’ on, dere, Marse Burwick !” he _ yelled. ‘I ain’ done nuffin’ to youse. It was dem free bad boys.” «+, What three ‘bad boys?” demanded Josiah. “Do you mean to include my son California in the list?” * “Yas'r, he am de wussest in de hull lot,” sputtered Ginger, THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “Oh, he is, eh? that?” Then Mr. Jones got another bash in the rear, just as he was getting up. ‘No, sah, I did n’ mean dat, I meant ter say he was de bes’ ob de lot, but. that marse Petey an’ dat marse Eddie am de wussest young loafahs in de hull business.” —* Along came Shorty and the Kid in time te hear that remark. “Pll smash yer jaw, Ginger, if yer talk like dat about my Kid,” said Shorty, pretending to be very mad, “Yer'll get frowed off der roof if yer say dat! How dare you talk like + an’ I was on’y just takin’ de leas’ lilly bit oba nap.” “ Don’t tell me!” thundered Josiah. ‘If this happens again you'll get bounced, do you un- derstand ” i ; Poor Ginger felt as if life no longer had an joys for him, and he went away with the Old |Man feeling very, very sad. CHAPTER XVI. THE Shortys were on their last week in Chicago and intended to make it a booming one and no mistake. It was the middle of January, the weather i IM i" about my young un,” put in the Kid, threaten- ingly. E Neber said it,” hurriedly declared Ginger. “Dat was anoder Petey an’ Eddie I was talkin’ *bout, an’ not yo’ chillen ’tall. Dey was good lilly boys, but I juss like ter know how I’se gwine ter get dese bess off mah han’s, dat’s wha’ I lak ter know, sah.” “*Oh, dat’s all right,” chuckled George. ‘ Der Black Maria is coming for yer in a few min- utes,” . “Yer won't get dem off at all till yer get in der jug,” added Charlie. ‘“Ta-ta, Ginger, old man, see yer when yer do yer time.” Then away went those jolly runts, leaving’ Ginger alone with the Old Man. ‘Here, you old fool,” snarled the latter. “I'll take those things off you, but if you ever get drunk again and let people make a fool of you, T’ll discharge you.” G “Oh, Marse Burwick, I neber did!” protested inger. “Don’t tell me!” snapped Josiah, when the il e Old Man was flying down that banister-rail ike a@ good one. ‘‘Hooray! Don’t say we old fel- lows can’t do anything!” he chirruped. He had not reached the bottom yet, I os / i SS \ HIN | | | i was cold and bracing, with plenty of good clear weather and lots of snow and everybody but the Old Man felt tiptop. The three boys, when not in the theater. were sliding and skating and frolicking about to their heart’s content, the three women went sleighing, took in numerous matinees and night shows, besides entertaining their friends while George and Charlie always foun enough to do to keep the ball rolling. Ginger Jones and the Old Man had made OP, for Josiah really needed the coon and was only cross with Mr, Jones when his rheumatism got the better of him, at which times he was not responsible for anything he said or did. Shanks, the manager, had been exempt from ~ rackets for some time, and so George ‘and Charlie concluded that the last week in the breezy town on the lake, the world’s fair city, should not go by without Longlegs having a send-off. The manager was sitting in the box-office one day, when the door opened, although it — nippers were off. ‘There never were any bur- ylars. You just made that up. You got tight and went to sleep in my room.” “'Clar to glory, I neber drunk nuffin’, sah, was supposed to be kept locked, and in walked a pig, stupid-looking Dutchman. “You vos Mr. Shanks?” asked the man, _ “Yes,” said Shanks, shortly. , »
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ? _ “My card,” and the Dutchman Pe over a/be a corpse lying around here pretty soon, and| He was evidently very much absorbed, and four-inch-square bit of pasteboard. you won't know anything about it.” the debators paid no attention to him, although At first sight Shanks thought he had got’em| ‘‘Ah, then it is that you like ze nd wit|two of them meant that he should hear all that sure. i . which I possess to myself, is it not?’ and the|was said. He rubbed his eyes, turned the card up-side| fiend fica | smiled. ‘“‘ Yes, I always make an| ‘‘ Well, yes, 0’ course,” said Shorty, in an- down, and then sidewise, then right-side up|impression, I.” swer to a statement made by Shanks, ‘fsome again, and then stared very hard at it. hanks had by this time found a big ebony|old men is all right, but yer can’t say der whole “Great Scott! What sort of aname is that?”}ruler and, brandishing this, he now remarked :/of ’em is.” * he muttered. “What do they call you when] “Yes, you idiot, and I'm going to make an} ‘I’ve seen ole duffers of eighty or ninety - they ask for you at your house.” impression now, Get right out of here or you'll|split half a cord o’ wood afore breakfast my- ; “You haye difficulties with that name, is it|be taken out feet first.” self,” put in the Kid, “but dey ain’t many what é so?” asked the Dutchman blandly. “That isso] ‘(It is that you are excited, ha, and that tojcan do it.” plain like anything.” defend myself to my life tis for me necessary,) ‘Oh, yes there are,” said Shanks, ‘‘more than “Is it?’ gasped Shanks. so?” youthink. You couldn’t do it now.” Tt did not look so at all events. Then that stranger pulled out a pistol and| ‘‘ Well, I guess not,” said Shorty. ‘‘Some ole The name on the card was as follows: sae ed se tard: ; Lege of riage! ee fe chipper as erik tage oe! kin : “Don’t you dare to pull a pop on me, you|box or kick a football or play tenpins better’n Derzo SMRLGOTHZQ. half-baked. idiot,” exclaimed that mad mana-jfellers of twenty-five, bub ay ain't many of No wonder that Shanks thought he had ’em./ger. ‘If you give me any guff I'll split you|’em.” “What is it?” he asked. _ open.” ‘Oh, you’re mistaken, George,” said Shanks, “Dat is an old Hungarian name—I am a] Then he pushed a button connecting with a|‘‘ The old men of this age are really better than Czech.” : bell on the stage and rushed at Mr. Smrlz—, etc./the young ones—that is to say, there are more **Oh, you are, eh? A bank check or a laundry|, Pop! hii er ones than young ones.” check ?” The pistol went off and Shanks sat down| ‘“ , 0 on,” snorted Shorty. f : _‘‘No, sare, not a sheek, but Czech, a Hunga-|very suddenly. ““T’ve heard of old fellers skating and runnin’ rian. Iam please to have some business mit} ‘Great cesspools and sewers! What wasjand doin’ stunts an’ knockin’ out der young fel- ou.” that?’ ; lers,” said the Kid. | “Sit down, Mr.—Mr.—I beg your pardon,| ‘There was reason for the exclamation. “Yes, and you can find plenty of them, too,” what did you say your name was?” The place smelled like a Polish Jew board-|put in Shanks. “Thomas Harris, sir, at your service.” ing-house, the New York docks at low tide and} ‘‘ Where you'll find one. of dat sort, ye’ll find “Jumping Methuselah!” yelled Shanks, “‘and|an Italian residence all lumped together. a dozen dat ain’t no good,” retorted the Kid. does it take all those letters to spell Tom Har-| It was as if a Chinese stink-pot had ex-| ‘ Yer can’t tell me dat der ole men is better ris in Hungarian? No wonder your country|ploded, the odor was so intense. dan der young ones,” snorted Shorty. “Idon’t — could never get her independence.” ; Limburgér cheese, garlic, rotten eggs, decay-|swaller dat.” : : “Tt ees very simple w: en you know ze roles ed vegetables.and putrid cats seemed to have| “Yes, sir, it’s so. Why, some old men will off pronouns ay ear sare,” said the man. combined all their strongest perfumes in/do anything that they ever did.” “Very likel , but life is too short to induce|making up that effluvium. Josiah began to get interested in this con- me to attempt it. Whatis your business, Mr.|| Naples, Cologne, lower New York, Barren|versation. ; Alphabet ?” Island nor Chinatown could have rivalled that} He allowed that he was saat as young as he “Mr. Thomas Harris, eef you please. You|stench in its strength and density. used to be, and that he could show George and “Oh. qs, T've got a show, but we're all full,”|poorShanks. . any means. ; gasped ha: ‘ The man with the insane asylum name had} “Do anything?” said the Kid. o amount of money would have induced|skipped out when Shanks got his breath| ‘* Yes, of course.” him to put that infernal machine of a name on the office fumigated. not one of that sort:? not so?” “Oh, that’s your Big 108s; is?” asked Shanks.| The man with the jokes as musty as thecon-| “Oh, you are only an old stuff!” giggle “Whose barrel of chestnuts have you been|tents of the bottle never showed up. Shorty. : ‘ pte ; Good reason why. He was a bit of a wag of} “Indeed!” snapped Josiah in great dud- “ Zat is ze fine one, is it not so?” asked that|a druggist. whom Shorty had put up to the|geon. ; ie: ros stolid Dutchman. snap, and he valued his life too highly to pre-| “We don’t count in old duffers like you,” “Oh, yes, it’s very good, too good, infact, and|sent himself before that very mad and very in-\continued the Kid. : 3 $ as for its age, well I think ten thousand years|dignant manager again. : *©Oh, you don’t, eh?” replied Josiah, “‘ That’s — would be a low estimate of its age.” hat week closed up the engagement in|pretty talk!” Se “Oh, you make ze grand mistake; zat is|Chicago, and on the Monday following the} ‘Come, come, boys, you must not speak - fraish t coined from——” . show opened in St. Louis to big business. about your father like that,” interposed — “Well, exe us another,” said Shanks. Things went booming, and the seats for every/Shanks. , ts a iewal t ** Zees ees ze new choke. You are ze|performance of the first week were all taken up| “Ah, he’s no good, he ain’t,” Shorty answer- very first to hear zees spark off my brain, y Wednesday morning, the Shortys being asjed, ecRUDe 4 ee. ‘Ze man have ze mansion to dispense in ze|popular in St. Louis as anywhere else on the] ‘‘He couldn’t beat der kids at stunts, he - market, and he take ze leetle stone for an ex-|route. couldn’t,” said Charlie. : = ample. Ah, zat eez ze grand wit which I hafe,| Along in the middle of the week Shorty Ba “Oh, I say now, Charlie, George, you mustn’t ees it not so?’ up a BoB on the Old Man, which was warran’ say that. ; igh ee ‘Shanks pessics to tear out what little hair|to knock out anything. t ‘Don’t you mind them, Mr. Shanks,” said he had left. _ he whole party, including Shanks, stop ed| Josiah. “ They don’t know what they’re talk. — “oly smoke ! what sort of an idiot are you,|at a small ves hotel, where there were few|ing about.” : yee _ anyhow?” he yelled, jumping up. ‘That joke|other boar ers, and where, with “all the com- Come now, pop,” said Shorty, putting his was old before time began !” forts of home,” as the advertisements say, ourjhand in his pocket, “talk is cheap, but money — - Oh, youare mistake, zat ees ze last thing|/friénds could feel just like a family, and not bejdoes all der shoutin’. I’m bettin yer dat yer. zat come from ze work-house off——” - simply a drop in the bucket as they would be|can’t do dem stunts yer used ter could. us Shanks began: looking around for a club, |in a big hotel. Pr Ne : “Nonsense! I’m just as young as you or ‘striding up and down the room ina state of ag-| One afternoon Shorty and the Kid had a dis-|Charlie or Cal. I can do anything you can,” _ itation bordering upon erate : cussion with Shanks as to the liveliness of some} ‘‘ Can een slide down der banisters like yer “You have the.excitement, the emotion, is it|}old men and the uselessness of others. used ter?” asked George. 2 Hing SO He not?” asked the Dutchman with cool placidity.| The discussion took place in the parlor, Mr.| “Of course I can,” declared the Old Mi _ denly as you can,” said jae ae 4 ts t ot. “You just want to waltz out of here as sud-|Burwick being concealed behind a big news-|putting on a lot of side, and trying to bluff ‘the Shanks, “or there will’paper, over in one corner of the room, i SVR iMG (eae hing out. he tN Toit
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. flight is all yer'll do, and yer won't do dat. I’m bettin’ yer won't slide from der top to der floor below, see?” “ Oh!” answered Josiah, very much relieved. “Come on,” said the Kid. ‘‘ We don’t want} «Bet yer ten dollars yer can’t slide from der top of der banisters to der floor,” said Shorty. “T’'ll take a slice o’ dat on my plate, too,” put in the Kid. “Bet yer can’t slide from der top to der floor, Saver anu : Josiah would have liked to back out, but hejeverybody in dis.” | could not very well do so now. However, by the time they all got to the top} “Of course you can do it, Mr. Burwick,” said/landing, there was a pretty good crowd to wit-| Shanks, with mistaken zeal, iness the famous slide. He did not really believe it, but he had his) Shorty, the Kid, Shanks, Ginger Jones, Cal, side of the argument to maintain. {Pete and Ed were all assembled on the top That little remark settled the thing then and flooring, waiting to see the fun. ] there. | Josiah took off his coat and handed it to} “T know I can do it,” retorted Mr. Burwick, |Shanks. “and I'll prove it, too.” ‘No going on yer hunkies, pop,” said Shorty. MITT A i | In another minute the Old Man was flying down that banister-rail like a good one. 4 ‘Hooray! Don’t say we old fellows can’t do anything!” he chirruped. He had not reached the bottom yet. CHAPTER XVII. LIKE a comet whizzing through space, like a cannon ball making its best time, or like an arrow in its giddiest flight, went the Old Man down the banisters. ‘ top to the floor. fe thought he could and Shorty knew he oculd not. / | # | « uy (| i i The Old Man plumped right into the middle of it, and there was a Vig splash. All you could see of that misguided old party were his heels, his suspender buttons and a shower of spray. ; Come on, then, said Shorty. ‘Put up your money, pop. Shanksy will hold der stakes.” _|in the Kid. Nobody wanted to know who would hold Shanks, for they could all trust him. Three dirty ten dollar bills were put in the manager’s hands ina i . It’s customary to talk about crisp, clean, new notes in novels I know, and that’s the rea- son I didn’t say so. istriding the rail. ; L “Come off, young feller,” said Shorty. ‘Give iffy the old gent a chance.” “Yer gotter straddle der rail and go down sittin’ up,” said the Kid. “No sneaking now.” the banisters,” ee the Old Man. “Put a piece of breeches, grandpa,” said Peter. won't have to have them half-soled.’ “You let “ tone. dled the railing. ** Now we're off !” shouted the Kid. ‘ ‘Here, Pll show ‘you now, papa,” said Cal, eather on the seat of your|si “Then you “Clear the track,” said Shorty, in a loud|course. Old Man had not reckoned upon. This was a big tub, full of water, at the bot- tom of the first flight of stairs. ‘It was not there when the gang went up, but life. Shorty had fixed a couple of the waiters in the “Just as if I didn’t know how_to slide downjhouse and they had ha ged me tub where it , when Shorty gave the — would do the most goo: al. is hands for his 3 en then bounced off like a rubber ball. - _It was just his luck, of course, to right into that tub, as Shorty had intended, ~ 2 The bet was that he could not slide fromthe | He gave a yell, tried to grab the rail, only 3 t pains, and slid down the steeper it got of Z two-thirds of the way down he went — All hands stood aside, and the Old Man strad-|flying off, rolled down four beth five steps, and — {ieee <0) sousing 5 “Yer gotter go down in der reg’lar way,” put{_ There was one obstacle in the way that the — it was when Josiah began his terrific slide for | 4 ven if Josiah did nét ‘fall off he could not ; ne be 4 in “%S Ee D
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36° THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. _ Swash! Oh, dear, oh, dear, I’m. a wretched old man, Splash! that’s what I am.” 3 It was no baby tub either, you can bet. _ Shorty and the Kid came in during the fracas, It was a good big one, wide and deep and full|knowing that something was up from seeing of water. Shanks go tearing out of the room in that The Old Man plumped right into the middle| bombshell fashion, of it, and there wasa big splash. — , “Well, if you ain't a dandy!” snickered All you could see of that misguided old party|Shorty, ‘‘Does him want Georgy ter-wipe his were his heels, his suspender buttons and a gs posey, poor lickle deary ?” shower of spray. “Tf you don’t give me a pain in der face ter In a couple of shakes, you could not see even |look at yer,” laughed the Kid. “Get out, you that much. old cry baby. .What yer done with yer nurse “Hallo, pop is drowned !” cried Shorty. and yer bottle? Well, if you ain’t der worst.” “He's in the soup, I'll take my beans,”| ‘‘ Does it want its mommy, poor little dear?” laughed the Kid. — sang out Shorty. ‘‘ Well, soit should. There ‘“Bress mah haht ef de ole ge’man ain’|there, tootsey-wootsey, don’t ee ky, Georgie'll crazy,” said Ginger. take der baby.” “Dear me, what has happened?” gasped| All this made the Old Man very mad, and he Shanks. got right up on his ear. “Oh, my, what fun !” He didn’t want that kind of sympathy, he “That's a bull = didn’t, and he wasn’t going to have it neither.” “‘Come on, fellows, le **Get out of here!” he yelled; jumping to his . yelled Cal. !” howled Pete. t’s fish him out,” shout- ed Ed. feet. Then all hands rushed down stairs pell] Then he began to chuck things and make it mell. pretty hot for those two little jokers. When they gathered about the Old Man he| Shorty got it with a hair brush, the Kid got was sitting in the middle of the tub looking|a belt in the ear with a shoe, and all the moy- very mad, able articles in the room began to fly around at ‘““He won't be happy till he gets it,” criedja t rate. Shorty. ‘‘ Use one kind of soap.” hose two runts dusted out of there, burst- “Picture of baby in der tub, fipence a copy,” |ing with glee, for it was fun for them to see * Any bally dancin’ and tights in it?” asked the first girl. d “No, of course not! Don’t you know what a minstrel show is?’ ** Don’t aa talk like that to me, you bald- headed old sneak!” retorted the giggler, getting mad. ‘My feller’s a p'liceman, and he'll give you the razzle-dazzle if you give me any lip.” “Ah, come on. I wouldn’t go-to the old show anyhow,” said the other girl, and the two went away giggling. The Old Man was just a bit rattled, but there was more to come. j An old man in a white choker and a funereal eebeey presently walked up to the box, and asked: ‘ ¢ snickered the Kid. ‘* None ginniwine: without|the Old Man in that state, even if they did get - our Jabel.” hi r ri it. : “ Wull, fo’ de lan’ sake, sah, wha’ yo’ doin’| It was better to see him in a rage than in the ie a and the symptoms were favorable and = raed Cricketts, I ain’t had so much fun|poin dtoas y recovery. since I left school.” “ Pop’s all right now,” said Shorty, laughin “When he gets real nad “Dear me, dear me, how fortunate there was|as he got outside. ‘ something there.” like dat, dere’s some hope for him.” By this time Josiah had recovered his breath| ‘‘ Ain’t he a dandy, though, when he but had lost his temper. riled,” chuckled the Kid. “ Nak - Who put that tub of water at the foot of the| hum, doesn’t he?” stairs?” he sputtered. ‘ You're alla lot of fat-| “ Bet yer life,” and then the two comical heads, just nothing but chumps, that’s all!” — jrunts ed away, for the Old Man was coming “T won't give it, I won't, it’s a put up job, alafter them hot-f swindle, a cheat and I claim the stakes andI’m| The old gentleman did notsay. anything more ing right back to New York.” ~ labout going to New York, he made it up with a little more derapase you|Shanks and matters were soon going on as at’, : “Get w » can go ait de way in der tub. make a|smoothly as before. bully steam boat.” _ |. The second week of the St. Louis engagement ‘Feel just like yer used ter wher yer wasjopened up all right, and, but for other dates, young, don’t yer, grandpop? Makes yer think|they might have stayed months in the place. of der time when de ole woman used ter give] Josiah now n to think of revenge’and he yer a Sat’day night wash, hey?’ made up his mind to give those bad boys of his a’ “T’ll take dem stakes, Shanksy. Didn't I tell|/regular soaker in the way of asnap, somethin, er dat he couldn’t slide from der top to der|that would take the starch out of them an floor? He ain’t got to der floor yet.” . |make them leave him alone after that. Then all hands except the manager and Mr.} While he was thinking about it, however, Burwick, indulged in a good old fashioned|Shorty was getting to work on another snap. oe sigale. One morning there was a rehearsal and in the won’t give it, I won the bet, it’s a regular| midst of it Shorty.came running in suddenly swindle,” sputtered Josiah, shaking his fist at|from outside and said : the crowd. “Say, pop, go out and ’tend store in der box The gan continued to laugh, however, until|office, won't yer? Shanksy has gotter go ter the Old Man, realizing what a ridiculous figure) Kansas to try to fix things for our opening. _ he must cut jumped out of the tub and skipped} You can sell tickets easy enough,” off to his room as rhad as he could conveniently| ‘ Really, George, I haven’t done such a thing} be and not explode, ears. You'd better send some one else.” Shorty did not want the Old Man’s ten cases, hen the Kid spoke up, with his nose ele- haying had more than that much worth of fun, | vated : and the money was returned. | “Don’t let dat ole duffer go in der box office,” That did not suit Josiah, however, for he was|he remarked, ‘He'll get tings all boxed up.” still mad, and still regarded the matter as a} After that you could not have coaxed the Old serious wager. Man out of the box. “JT elaim a foul,” he explosively remarked to| ‘‘H’m! I guess I looked after money matters Shanks, and the money is mine. I won't take ms 2 before ever you were born,” he snorted, just my share; I want the entire stake.” making toward the stage entrance. “But, my dear sir, you don’t need this money,} ‘‘Come on, we'll go through der house, pop,” tp I said Shorty, leading the way into the parquet. Josiah took his station behind the window and waited for business. : Shorty returned to the stage to look after the rehearsal, and presently the fun began. Two giggly girls came up to the window, one of them said: “Say, is there a mat’nee to-day, mister ?” ‘No, m’am, not to-day, on Saturday,” replied Josiah, politely. ; “Why, ain’t that funny? Don’t ples have Thursday mat’nees ?” **No, ma’m, only Saturday.” Then the other girl put her gum in one corner of her mouth and asked : : ts es things just in and— } “Bah! it ain't the money I care for; it’s the principle of the thing. I really won that bet, and I’m going to——” : ** But can’t you see that the whole thing was - nothing but a joke? George and Charlie don’t _ care about the money ; it was only the fun they were after.” “ Well, there’s been too many of these jokes, and I’m not going to stand any more of them. _ I'm going right back to New York to-day, and 4 your old show can go to thunder for all I care.” { Even Shanks, patient though he was, had be- «gun to get tired of this everlasting threat. “Very well, go back to New York, you old crank !” he sputtered, year his temper atlast.| ‘‘ What yer got fora quarter? Good reserved *“Nobody wants you in the show, anyhow.|seats down stairs?” _ You're only an old nuisance. A dummy in| ‘‘No ma’m, they are in thegallery. Orchestra _ your place will do better that you will, you old|seats cost you a dollar.” c ~ehump!” — “Oh, my goodness, a dollar! Why, the ‘Night __ Then out went Shanks in a temper leaving|Hawks’ give you the best seat in the house for the Old Man alone. four bits. Say, this show ain’t as good as that, Then that silly old curmudgeon began to cry :/is it?” 5 _ “yen Shanks goes back on me,” he whim-| ‘I should say it was!” snapped the Old Man. ‘pered. ‘‘Those cruel sons of mine play jokes|‘‘ There isn’t a better show on the road than /me and nobody cares anything for me now.|!ours.” and youse peo- ‘At what hour does the lecture begin? I ant ye you admit the profession free ?” line?” ‘My line, sir?” asked the solemn old gent. res. Your business. operatic, variety or minstrel ?” hend. Iama missionary, sir, and I wish to at- tend : lecture on the sinfulness of dancing, to e “Not here,” muttered Josiah. “And aren’t you ashamed, a man of your aed and respectability, to be selling tickets do you expect to bring up. sir, in the end? Oh, my dear sir, consider the sinfulness of your ways and——” ; Well, it ain’t my fault that I’m in the busi- arest myself, but the boys were just set on taking the road again, no matter what I could , hen the solemn ye make it hot for the Old Man in the way of a He told how wicked it was to go to the theater, how the Old Man was setting a bad ashamed of himself, and more-to the same pur- pose. what or what not his duty was, and he pres- — ot blurted out : zou want to buy tickets, get out. your money. — f you don’t, clear out. Youare keeping folks — The old fellow went away, and a lady stepped up and whispered : Pah = ertaiply, if we know’em, What is your be Are you dramatic, “Sir!” gasped the other. ‘I do not compre- be held. “This is a theater.” or a theater?” asked the missionary. ‘‘ Where ness yet,” snapped Josiah. “I wanter to take Say.” x duck proceeded to moral lecture. example to the young, how he ought to be — Josiah wasn’t going to let any one tell him haven’t got any time to waste on you. If — ee “Three seats in the orchestra, please.” es, ma’m, three dollars,” and the Old ~ assed out the tickets and the change — from ten dollars. : ; The lady counted the bills four or five times, — looked at the tickets, pat her money in her | “ieee gi looked at the tickets again, and — hen left the line, crowding in again at the — head in three seconds exclaiming excitedly: = ‘‘ Why, these seats are for to-night!” “Yes, ma’am, for to-night, That’s what you wanted.” : ‘© Why, no I didn’t; I want them for Saturday. Popper can’t go to-night, you know, because this is his late night, but he can go on——” “Tf you want them for Sa - TH cha them,” snapped the Old Man. ‘You shouldn’t have said you wanted them for to-night.” i” “But I didn’t, you know, because I knew I couldn’t go to-night, and of course I wouldn't ask for to-night. Didn’tI say Saturday? I’m — “oy, Man sure I shone t that I did, for se per can ‘0 that nigh , and we are going to take Cousin — eorge, W o—” *Can’t give you the same tickets for Satur — day, ma’am,” grunted the Old Man, getting nervous. ‘Give you two rows further back, The others are taken.” : ‘Well, I liked those, and I reckon poppe would too, but if you haven't got them— — Now, where did I put, those tickets. Did you — take them?” — Sa ““No’m, I did not. Please step aside till you — ae them. That'll be all right. Tl save you — ese. The lady wasn’t go reasonable as that, however, it _ No. She preferred to keep ten people wait- ing while she hunted in her pocket-book, in her — satchel, in her handkerchief, and in her pocket — for the missing pasteboards, Finally she found them Ls 4 ing to do anything so un- in her muff, and’ asked to see the plan so that she would know — get rid of her — eginning to just where her seats were. It took five minutes more to after that, and the Old Man was get tearing mad by that time. i
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if , ‘ . THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. 37 The next on the line was a solid-looking man, who was buying for a big party, and wanted thirty seats, all together if possible. The Old Man picked out some seats, some f scattered and some near, and said those were ' the best he had for that night. The buyer was satisfied, however, and gave the Old Man a bill for a hundred dollars to rs ge. Sf Nothing smaller?” SYes.” “Then let me have it, please.” “How’ll ten dollars strike you?” “But I want thirty.” * Well, I haven't got it.” le i NW bal Van | That evening, when the show was nearly over, Shanks came rushing into Shorty’s dress- ing-room, and said very excitedly : “Who took in a hundred-dollar bill to-day, George?” “Tyon’t know, Shanksy. with it?” Josiah was in the next room, and he called out: “T took it this morning. A man_ bought thirty seats.” “Well, it’s bad, that’s what it is, and the show is out a hundred dollars.” Josiah came hurrying into the room half- dressed, exclaiming : Wot's der matter ** Yes, gentlemen, I repeat that this is one of the proudest moments of my life,” continued the Old Man. LOTTA “But I tell you I never took it!” snapped Josiah. “You must have,” said Shanks, “for I found lit in the cash.” | ‘*Dere goes dis week’s salary.” “T wouldn’t be such a gilly, I wouldn't.” ‘Get stuck on a ole fake like dat! Well, I wouldn’t tell it, I wouldn’t.” * But I tell you I didn’t takeit, The bill I took was good.” ‘Kin yer swear to it, pop?” No, he wouldn’t, and, come to think of it, he was a bit confused, not to say rattled, hav- ing had alot of cranks bothering him just be- Hore that. Tn ea Tn «When I see around me the shining lights of science, the arts, of the stage, and of that grand pioneer movement which seeks “Then why didn’t you say so?” “You didn’t ask me, You asked me if I had sy smaller money.” f there hadn’t been ladies on that line Josiah would have said something strong, but he re- frained and handed over the change. The man went away, and Josiah sold tickets * to four or five people, having no more trouble. | Then up came Shanks himself, who said : _ George would look after it,’ “T wish he had!” growled Josiah. “Well, I'll relieve you now,” said Shanks, coming in. “But I-thought you had gone to Kansas ity ? Oot atall. I stepped around the corner to See a man on business. He sent for me, and I had to go.” “George said you had to go to Kansas City.” “Oh, no, indeed,” and then the manager smiled and passed out some tickets toalady on the other side of the window. The Old Man erantiod and went away, but » could not find Shorty, the rehearsal haying - come to an end, 4 “Let me see it. I guess I can tell good money from bad. Who told you it was coun- terfeit ?” “Look for ee, said Shanks, Shorty passing the bill to Mr. Burwick. There wasn’t the slightest doubt about its being bad. In fact it wasn’t a treasury note at all, but « Ah, you in the box, Mr. Burwick? I thought|{¥st an advertisement got\ up to look like a hundred dollar bill, but it wouldn’t have fooled a blind man. “T never took that, thing!” gasped Josiah, “You must think I’m an idiot.” “That leaves you no salary dis week,” said the Kid, who had entered. r “‘Didn’t think yer was so full as that, pop,” said Shorty. } **The cash is a hundred dollars short,” groan- ed Shanks. “I don’t see how you come to do it, Mr. Burwick.” “Oh, pop got to mashing some of der St. .ouis girls and got rattled, I guess,” chuckle Charlie. “Why, my boy Petey wouldn’t ha’ got stuck on dat bill,” snickered George, ‘ to make a home for the civilized world where now there is but a howling wilderness, I must say that the occasion does me honor, and I am doubly proud to say it.” “Well, I suppose I'll have to lose it,” mutter- ed Shanks, “as I’m responsible for all the money that comes in.” “H'm, Ill pay it myself,” snorted Josiah. “T guess Tain’t going to let you lose anything through my carelessness, but if you catch me feces tickets again for this show just let me snow,” CHAPTER XVIII. Mr. Burwick did not lose that hundred dol- lars after all, though he thought he would have to. The fake note had been passed in, sure enough, and the Old Man took it, and there the ae ended. Those thirty seats were paid for and Shorty |knew the man who bought them. Sher, had put a friend of his up to the dodge, the seats being regularly bought and. the money turned into the treasury, though not at once. Shanks had been sent out of the way just so the snap could be worked upon Josiah and the ‘giggling girls, the missionary and the absent- - t -
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i 38 THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. 3 minded woman were all fakes to get the Old} ‘“‘ Lift you up by your hair,” snorted the Old Man rattled, these characters being imperson-|Man. ated by some of the minstrel boys, at Shorty’s} ‘‘ Dat’s ap sic for you, pop, and here’s suggestion, . janether one, at side of a mule do yer ride 12” “The outside, of course.” ‘“Nixey, dat ain’t it.” * Well, then, what side?” “Most folks find dat it’s der left side when ae it first, pop. Ain’t dat right?” “Love's golden dream,” sighed Josiah, glanc- at Mr. Montmorenci. Soy, grandpop cried Charlie, when the was ended, “who was der strongest man e whole worl The show closed at St. Louis in a couple of | days and went on to Kansas City where they started in on a week’s engagement with the ‘most flattering prospects. The Old Man thought it was about lime to play that return snap on Shorty and the Kid, though he did not grasp the fact that Shorty]. had just worked off one on him in addition to}9§ several others for which he sought revenge. However, he presently evolved. something |8°2. which he thought good and proceeded to nivale int sea room at once. ‘ 2 ar” a Sampson has that reputation, I believe.” It required some outside assistance to work] { By e don’t, I’m stronger dan him.” it properly, but Josiah was willing to e. d so?” = little ae in order to ish bite pee gre ““Why, he brought down der house once and it grandson, and stage hands are never so well killed him, ee a <in do it every night and eat per after. id that th ill refuse to tak my su Sapien Geta ages spe ascot raat Weg Kin tell you a kind o’ house yer can't One night as Shorty and the Kid, all dressed,|4raw,” said Shorty. “were about to take their places on the stage,| ‘, What kind is dat? ‘they were seized, one in each entrance, by A lighthouse. mysterious hands and suddenly bundled out of| {. No, and I don't want ter. Soy?” the way. s ae Lae ; hee In another moment the curtain went. up and] « tf ace = ery berate aa ea there was the Old Man in the middle, the sing- ersin a half-circle and the musicians on the raised aoa but no end men, Shorty and the Kid were missing from their accustomed places, but the audience said noth- ing, expecting that some surprise was in store] yer expect dey went ?” for them. 3 bres , “ Sweet evening bells,” remarked the old duf- _ “We will begin the evening’s entertainment fer in the middle. with the ibn remarked the Old Man, and!’ «Yes, I like the evening belles myself,” said the orchestra tackled ‘‘ Poet and Peasant” in Shorty. “’Cause den dey’re all fixed up purt fine style, ; »._,,/and have got their gaslight complexions on an “Chorus from the opera of Fra Diavolo,” said|jook so stunning.” the Old Man, and all hands began to sing. “ Don’t interrupt,” said Josiah. Then J: osiah looked at the empty chairs and|are not girls, they are bells.” separ i ; : “*Scuse me, but I thought they was. Let I do not see our friends this evening, but I} me sing you about an evening belle I met the haye two dummies who are perfectly capable) other day: i P of taking their places.” | Then, without further ado, the little runt got There was a. shout at this, for the laugh was} off something like this : upon: those jolly jokers, ae eet “Bring in the boxes containing the wax rite lovely mie Hel night ” ; j y ia a figures,” said the Old Man to some one in the Har disakasratuted. heewes were WIDgs. - She wasa queen among the girls. - Twomen entered at either side, each couple}. Shé looked too sweet for this rude earth Dee a trunk between thei i So graceful as. fairy. Man, ** Ah, get out!” ** Well, dat’s der nigger heaven, ain’t it ?” ** Dey don’t go there, I tell you.” _ “Where do dey go when dey die, den?” _ “To deir own funerals, of course. Where did bright; m. “ ies.” sai I knew she was of noble birth, ; <e out the dummies,” said the Old She was Ko iptiAu airy, with a broad smile. ka ed I thought it was the sweetest dream Then the trunks were opened. And I longed to hear her speak, _ The birds did not eee n to sing, When some one dropped a plate of cream case of the uncovering of the pie befo Right on her damask cheek, Then out she spoke, my passion fled At the words my angel spoke. ‘I've a darned good mind to punch your head, You onary clumsy bloke,?”? _plaud. ; s Then Mr. Smith warbled about those sweet The Old Man began to feel like the man fired|eyening bells, and the performance moved on out of his house for non-payment of rent; he ergy. wasn’t in it. ; Shorty had not intended to get off any gags Suddenly, from the rear of the parquet twol/on his poor old dad that evening, but since Jo- voices were heard. ‘ j siah had been so fresh, the little runt concluded “Dem dummies didn’t work, did dey, He ® \to get up an impromptu one just for the fun of “Don’t yer want us ter help yer, Old Man?” it. s) Then Shorty and the Kid, in burnt cork and rat were doing a farce later on, in which all he| the Old Man had to do was to look out of a window and shout. He had done the thing before and nothing had i dha and therefore he suspected noth- as in the re his ma- jesty, however. : f The trunks were patty and a blank look ap- peared on. Josiah’s facile features. | ‘he audience howled again, and began to ap- dress suits, came down the aisle toward t stage. ; ' Josiah’s little snap had failed to connect through the treachery of his accomplices. 2 ‘Shorty and the Kid had been bundled intojing this time. | : the trunks all right, but then the stage hands ehind the window was a ladder on which had a chance to make more money, and the|he goad, and when the scene was closed in he came down. This time, however, as he was leaning out of determined to get the laugh on him, . the window and shouting, he suddenly realized They therefore told the men to take in the|that the ladder had been taken away. trunks, as agreed upon, and in the meantime) Theframe of the flat was strong enough to they skipped around to the front of the house. |hold him, but he did not think so, and he began “Ah t ere!” they warbled, as they waltzed|to yell louder than there was any occasion for. down the aisle. He kicked also, and presently his feet came Two ushers helped them to get on the stage,|through the side of the house, the flat being an and then they executed a few jig steps, and|old one and the cloth covering it being thin. finally took their seats. ; “Hil hi! let me down!” he bawled, kicking _ “Pop thinks he’s awfully funny,” said Shorty, |and struggling. : i hy - addressing the house, “‘ but he ain’t.” The house paid more attention to him than ‘*Dat’s der time we cornered him.” added the|it did to the piece now, and roars of laughter Kid. ‘‘He thought he had der turn on us, but/‘were heard. f we sneaked out.” “Yer gotter get w ee! to fool me and Kiddy, bet yer socks,” said Shorty. “Putty good dummies, ain’t we, folkses?” chirped the Kid. ; pale, - The laugh was on the Old Man this time, and|of laug 16 BS mad enough to stand on his head and| Josiah d his o rate tra jokers were let out. ; They tumbled to the Old Man’s scheme, and be the Old Man musing “These bells|” Then, all of a sudden, he felt that the mimic house was falling and he yelled louder than ever. ae Down it went, flat on the stage, but not too suddenly to do any hurt and the old man was not injured, f In fact, a couple of scene shifters had lowered the thing instead of putting up the ladder, at Shorty's euepesion. Josiah rolled away from the wreck and got up shaking his fist and prepared to make an indignant speech. Just as he opened his mouth, however, the two halves of a flat caught him, one on each — side, and he was pinned fast. Then there was some more laughing which .|did not cease until a front scene was shoved on and the Old Man was hidden from sight and then released. : : It was during the Kansas City engagement — and towards the end of it that this thing ~ happened. — \ % ne morning Mr. Burwick found the follow- ing nice little note among the letters placed at ~ his plate at the breakfast table: Weis “Mr. Josiah Burwick is expected to make one ofa small party to dinner at 5 P, M., at the St. James. I M. T. BUCKErTE, ght to be very nice,” said y. “The St.Jamesisa very fine hotel, I believe.” oH ‘Bet yer life it is,” chimed in Shorty, “Regular swallow-tailed place. Are you inon this, pop?” “cc h with M “ A’m—ha, that ou y, io: I have an invitation to dine ther r. Buckette this evening.” “So have I, Pop, said Shorty. ‘‘ Covers for eight, very swelland all that. I guess der Kid has got a invite by der way he’s smiling. Ar er, Chawles ?” “Course I are. Buckette, and me is good ~ friends, we is.” ip Fe ‘But who is he, George?” asked Josiah. ‘‘Have I ever met him ?” i . “Guess not, Pop, but he’s a swell, he is, got lots of money, don’t do nothin’, owns real estate, interested in shows, base ball, racing — and all that, likes to give swell dinners to sw: folks, putson no end of side, but a jolly good feller. Better take it in, Pop.” ‘ ! “Cert, you had,” added Charlie, “He thinks — lots 0’ you, he does, told me so, yesterday. Dis’'ll be the tip-toppest thing of der season pop. We can skip at de end and go right o der stage. Better not let it slide.” At five o’clock Mr, Burwick, in dazzling f dress, presented himself at the St. James, quired for Mr, Buckette, and was shown in an ante room, where he found seven other ge tlemen, including Shorty and the Kid. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Burwick,” said'a tall, pleasant-looking eee advancing and taking Josiah’s hand, ‘*lam Mr, Buckette these are my friends.” 5 ai 0 the famous naturalist ; Mr. Nimrod Hunter, finest shot west of the Mississippi, an Hon. W. H. H. Slopperton, better known Bad Lands William, the celebrated scout explorer. Gentlemen, this is my esteemed friend, Mr. Josiah Burwick, whom we all light to honor.” osiah bowed and shook hands all feeling as proud as a peacock. : Professor Stuffer did not look like a learn man, although he had a very bald head, a: Mr. Grubber looked more like a pawnbroker than a naturalist, while Mr. Hunter , have been a broker instead of a crack around, sts filin, pity winks Mr. Kid, the big e@ Josiah had the
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. est of damask, the most shining glass and the finest silver that could be found, a big mound of choice flowers occupying the center of the table, while a pink wax candle was placed at each plate. ; Everything was very swell, the waiters moving noiselessly about and conversing in whispers, nothing being done to offend the re- _ fined taste of even the first of the cultured four hundred. The head waiter approached Mr. Burwick and said respectfully : “We have some very choice sardines, sir, of our own importation. Ican recommend them as an. Saab ol Mr. Burwick smiled, and the gentlemanly servitor whispered his orders to his subor- dinates, After the opening act came some choice clams on ice, and then a clear soup served in cups, ac- companied by a light wine, Mr. Burwick being consulted as to the propriety of producing it. “Your very good health, Mr. Burwick,” said Mr. Buckette. ‘Gentlemen, our friend’s good health.” “May I never shoot another buffalo if I don’t urink that.” **T’d sooner take that toast than kill forty Indians.” “Science pays its respects to you, my very dear sir.” j «Pleased to drink your health, sir.” ; oF Che do us proud, pop,” said Shorty, with a augh. “Hear, hear !” cried Mr. M.’T. Buckette, with his face on the broad grin. “Rather dine with you, Mr, Burwick, than have killed Sitting Bull.” “Finest spread I’ve had in years,” said the hunter. ‘Beats elephant trunk and camel hump all out.” “Here’s my regards,” said the bug hunter. “Yes, Heurismnen. I repeat that this is one of the proudest moments of my life,” continued the Old Man. ‘‘ When I see around me the shining lights of science, the arts, of the stage, and of that grand pioneer movement which seeks to make a home for the civilized world where now there is but a howling wilderness, I must say, that the occasion does me honor, and I am doubly proud to say it.” *““We have some very choice cigars,” insinu- ated that wily head waiter. ‘‘Perhaps you would like some, and another bottle of wine.” “Certainly, certainly,” whispered Josiah. “Gentlemen, I must beg. you to have a cigar with me, and then I would like to hear!from my polite and entertaining host, Mr. Buckette.” ‘Time was creeping on, as it were, but the fun wasn’t all over yet, by any means. CHAPTER XIX. Mr.BucKxerre, being pressed, made a speech, 39 _——_— learned joblots, ‘‘Excuse me, friends, but this needs my immediate attention.” Out he went also, and the intelligent head waiter suggested another bottle of wine and some more cigars, “Really, I ought to go and see what has be- come of Grubber,” said Mr. Hunter inva few minutes. ‘Iam afraid that his spider ma have bitten him, and I know the danger of suc things. You must really excuse me,” “Pray don’t mention it,” said Mr. Burwick. “T can readily understand your solicitude for your friend,” In the course of five minutes more, Mr. M. 'T. pir tg arose, looked anxiously around, and said : ‘It’s really too bad that they don’t return. I must go and see what detains them. Make yourself quite comfortable, Mr. Burwick.” Then away he skipped, and the Old Man was left alone. He emptied his glass, finished his cigar, and then began to wonder why no one came. reeetG that he suddenly thought to look at his watch. Great guns! It was a quarter to eight, and he had to goto the theater and get ready for his part in the show. He jum up, and at that instant the head waiter entered. : “There is nothing more you want, sir?’ he asked deferentially. y “No, nothing, thanks. Tell the entlemen ‘Gentlemen, you honor me, indeed you do,” |starting off as follows : said Josiah, blushing like # giddy young girl.| “Gentlemen all, and particularly my old/when they return that Iwas called away on That polite and. ubiquitous head waiter|friend, Mr. Burwick, it does me honor to be|busingss.” touched his elbow at this moment and whis-|called upon to address you, unused as I am). “You will look over the bill before you go ered : ; ‘ to public speaking, and not expecting to beland see if it’s all right?” asked that most attent- “Would you like a little Columbia, river|called upon this evening!” ive servitor, salmon? I can recommend it.” é '“Dat's a good send-off!” piped up the Kid. The bill! : “Why, yes, I shall be delighted,” smiled the} ‘Sounds old,” added Shorty, “but Chauncey|, Yes, that was the what the gentleman gave .Old Man, and the fish, placed on a napkin and Depew allers says der same t ing.” im, and a good long-one it was. 3 “Sh! George, don’t interrupt,” muttered the], “ What does this mean?” gasped Josiah, put- aac with parsley and slices of lemon, was ; rought on; Josiah serving it. “T must compliment you on your good taste in ordering good shings. yas dear sir,” smiled e fo an. “TI feel, however, gentlemen, that my appel- lation is somewhat of a misnomer, for, far from ing on his gold-rimmed a 4 ‘Dinner for eight, with wine and cigars, two hundred and seventeen dollars and fifty-five Mr. Burkette, from ot of the table.) bei the M. T. Buckette, I am at t alcents.” «You are a bon vivant of the first water.” vant tall spanieot fill with the aeharode tate These were the er $217.55, in good, plain After the fish, the head waiter ang pertes: with which our good friend has provided us— characters at the bottom of the account, sure ape fruit, in glass cups, and then an olive, tojand full also of pride, happiness and generaljenough. all of which the Old Man acquiesced. There was nothing niean about that dinner, you bet. ; A couple of beautifully browned roast wild ducks and a salad came next, Mr. Burwick - being consulted as to the propriety of having them, as well as some excellent claret of a for- gotten vintage, very fine and large. All hands enjoyed that dinner, and witty re- marks flew around like sparks from a telegraph wire in a thunder storm. The ducks gave way to some of the dandiest - Cumberland ham you ever ate, fairly melting in the mouths of the feasters and then came some green beans, piping hot, garnished with crusty croutons, and resently ee Soummartia by stewed celery heads and snipe done to a turn washed down with. some extra dry fizz with a gold ulster on the bottle. _ The Old Man had not eaten such a swell din- ' ner in months and he wished that it might last till morning. | _He was in high feather, too, for he was con- sulted about everything, even to the kind of _ olives, the particular brand of wine, the proper sauce to be served with each dish and the exact quantity of bread to be consumed. - Wouldn’t you like another bottle of wine, Mr. Burwick ?” asked that awfully polite waiter _ presently. i Why, yes, Josiah thought another bottle would go first rate, and he forthwith ordered it. ; Then came some oyster, patties, at the waiter’s suggestion, flanked E beef with jelly, all of which were very nice. Time was wearing on by this time, but there was still an opportunity to discuss another good will.” “ear, hear!” cried all, while the glasses clinked and the smoke wreaths curled graceful- ly upward. mee ‘*My esteemed friend, Professor Stuffer, who has by no means belied his name on ‘this occa- sion, will now sing one of his select operatic melodies, after which, Dr, Grubber, well named that, will oblige with a comic recitation.” sf Hooray !” shouted everybody. Just before. the song began, however, the head waiter entered, and in a soft, very aris- tocratic and most apologetic voice, said : “Pardon me, gentlemen, but there is a mes- sage for Mr, George and Mr. Charles Burwick. It is important, or I would not think of disturb- ing you.” hen he handed Shorty a note, which the y salantines and some cold’ latter showed to the Old Man. It was ffom Shanks, and ran thusly: “DEAR GEORGE,—Must see you and Charile at the theater at once, SHANKS.” “Sorry to go, gents, but ee me and der Kid,” ard Short: rising. gee yer later.” Then he and Charlie skipped and the festivi- ties proceeded, In a few minutes, however, the Chesterfield- jan head waiter appeared again with a note for Bad Lands William. “ What's this?” muttered the scout. ‘ Call- ed to the frontier to rescue Buffalo Bill—must! leave a first train! Well—well, this is sud- ee ixcuse me, gents, but I haven’t a second 0 lose. In two shakes the swallowtails appertainin to the coat of Mr. Bad Lands Wilkam, otker wise the Hon. W. H. H. Slopperton, were in a I “But you shouldn’t bring this to mé,” mut- tered the oldman. “I was mvited to dine with Mr. Buckette.” ‘. “Pardon me, sir, but you ordered everything andI was told to look to you.” 3 “T ordered everything! Ididn’t order the first thing !” ; “Tt grieves me to dispute the word of a gen- tleman older than myself, sir,” answered that suave official, but I must beg leave to tell you ee did. ““ What did I order?” snapped Josiah i Bye oe PP getting ma The hors d’céuvre the soup, the fish, the salad, the entrees, the game, the roast, the entremets, the dessert, the cheese, the coffee, the cigars and the wine.” Tian : ; “ But I didn’t order them at all!” shrieked J osiah. ‘You asked me if I would have them.” And you ordered them. That is the custom. If you had not, desired them you could have declined them. You certainly did order the dinner, sir, and you will find the bill perfectly correct,” ** Josiah could not get it through his head yet. “T ordered nothing,” he yelled: “I came here by invitation.” / I took no orders from anyone but you, sir, ani here is the bill.” “T won't pay it!” snapped Josiah. outrageous and I won’t pay it.” 13 3 The other was perfectly calm and icy all this ime. : “The billis not. excessive,” he said. “You have had the best the market affords. You have had Little Neck clams and Columbia Riv- er salmon, and strawberries and young celery Le “Pardon me, but you ordered everything, — course consisting of a pati de foie gras with|horizontal position as he glode from the room. jin the dead of winter, and the very best of — : - truffles and some red hot young carrots, onthe] The famous hunter then proceeded to nar-|wines. It is not often that a better dinneris side, as Shorty expressed it. rate some of his experiences in the wilds of|served.” lee Then that ane fi affable and gentlemanly|New Jersey, and was full of his topic, when] ‘That's all right!” snarled Josiah, “Iam | head waiter sugges da _roast loin of pork, there came another interruption. ) not finding fault with the dinner, which was sauce Hollandaise, and Josiah agreed that it} “Great Scott!” cried Mr. Grubber. ‘I havelexcellent, nor with the charge, which isreason- __ would be very nice. jonah to feed my seven-legged, crimson-|jable, but it’s preposterous to make me pay it.” Then an omelette souflee and a glass of rum|beaked spider since last night, aoa he must be} “But you ordered it,” reiterated the gentle-_ came on, and after that some ices, a bit of Gor-|nearly starved. Excuse me, gentlemen, but|man with the bill, onzola cheese and a biscuit, and some excel-|this must be attended to at once.” “T did not, and I am not going to pay the lent coffee. E Then out went the naturalist, and there were|bill!" vociferated the Old Man, ar ing his — - Now came the speech making. “pce now, besides Mr. Burwick, only Mr. Buckette,/fat fist on the table and making all the wine ‘Mr, Burwick arose, good humor shining from|the professor, and the erack shot. glasses dancé, ; Peis kh every pore, and beaming upon the crowd, said:| Five minutes passed and the professor re-| ‘ ny well,” and the head waiter departed. \.‘ Gentlemen, I am pleased to have met youjceived a telegram. Josiah was about to do the same, when in all, and feel that this is one of the happiest mo-| “Ha! what’s this? A call to the chair of thejcame the proprietor, the head waiter, and three _ ments of my life.” Philogical Instoot of Nevada!” muttered his'or four other waiters, whiteand black, bili / RAR ll Astigee te Pit.
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4 and he meant to kick. : teen dollars and fifty-five cents.” “hom 40 THE SHORTYS ON THE. ROAD. | be “What's the matter with you?’ demanded the boss of the place, who was a big fellow with bushy whiskers and a fat stomach. ‘Why don’t you pay your bill like a gentleman, and not make all this fuss?’ . “TJ was invited here to dine and I won’t pay a cent,” blustered Josiah. Then they all got at him at once. *“You won't leave the house till you do.” **T will swear that the bill is correct.” “T heard de ge’man o’dah ey’ryting.” “T shall hold you responsible, sir.” - T protest that the bill is right.” *«-¥ou ordered the whole dinner.” Then they were all talking at once, the head I i vi ys | “That's outrageous,” sputtered the Old Man. ‘*Send for Mr. Buckette, Professor Stuffer, Mr. Hunter and the Hon. Mr. Slopperton and ask them if I was not invited to dinner.” ““T don’t know any such gentlemen. These are citizens of Kansas City, and well known to me, and you invited them to dine with you to boom the show.” “ Yes, and the curtain will be up in five min- utes, and I’m not ready,” gasped Josiah. “You can’t go till you pay the bill,” said the landlord. : joni saw that he was in for it, and no mis- ake. “*T don’t carry two hundred dollars around in mM ‘‘ What's the matter with you ?” demanded the boss of the place, ‘“s Why don’t you pay your bill like a gentleman, and not make all this fuss?” jnvited here to dine and 1 won’t pay a cent,” blustered Josiah. stomach. waiter pointing to the bill, the other waiters backing him is as the proprietor gesticulating like a windmill gone mad. ‘*For heaven’s sakes shut up!” howled Josiah at length when most crazy. Silence fell’ upon the scene, and then the landlord said : “Your name is Burwick, isn't it?” *‘ Certainly.” “Then you ordered that dinner for eight, and you’ve got to pay it, two hundred and seven- “But I tell you I did not order it!” “And I say you did! “My head waiter went to you, as you were at the head of the table, and you ordered the entire dinner.” That was true enough as the Old Man realized, but he knew there was a swindle somewhere, ‘1 was invited, I tell you,” he protested, “and T have the invitation in my pocket now.” He did not have it, however, having left it at @. hat won’t do,” said the proprietor. ‘I “ec dignant, but hé suspected Shorty of having put ay a jobon him, and he wanted to know al} about it. He got to the theater in a few moments, and then Ginger took him in hand and fixed him up ina jitty, so that the performance was not de- layed more than ten minutes. He did not have time to say anything then but when the first part was over he tackle Shorty in his dressing-room and asked, “Did you tell the man at the St. James thatI was to pay the bill for the dinner?” “Me?” ‘said Shorty. ‘Course not. Why was you doing that, pop? I thought Buckette Jinvited us,” iM TT my waistcoat pocket,” he growled, ‘Call in the morning. “That won't do, Mr. Burwick,” said the other. ‘Give me an order on the box office. Your sig- nature will be quite sufficient.” “That's very shabby of: Buckette,” muttered, the Old Man. “I didnot think that Professor Grubber or the Hon. Mr. Slopperton would do such things, and I'm sure I never expected Mr. Nimrod Hunter or Professor Stuffer to descend to such baseness.” “ *T don’t know what you are talking about, yociferated the landlord. “The gentlemen who dined with you are prominent citizens of Kan- sas City, and there isn’t a professor or an hon- orable among them. Come, I want that order. You are keeping me waiting and [have lots of business.” : The Old Man could never haye forced his way out against-that burly landlord, to say nothing of the polite head waiter and his assistants. He yielded gracefully to the inevitable, there- fore, signed an order on Shanks for the amount who was a big fellow with bushy whiskers and a fat «IT was ‘Didn’t you leave just so I would be alone?” demanded Josiah. ‘‘It was all a practical joke, that’s what it was.” “You saw der note Shanksy sent to me and ; Kiddy, didn’t yer?” asked Shorty. ‘We had ter come around and see about some new music. that and left me to very mad old duffer. ‘Dey did, pop?” “Yes, they did.” pay the bill,” snarled-the ~ YA “There wasn't any Buckette, ny ‘i mT “Ho! den it must ha’ been a reg’lar put up job by Buckette, dad,” laughed aoe : or Stuffer, or — Aa ee “Yes, and everybody else went away after > Grubber, or Hunter, or Bad Lands William at all,” sputtered Josiah. sumed.” *“ Well, Pll be blowed !” He was very innocent of course, Shorty was, — and was very much surprised. “Yes, an of the ill, ordered a carriage and drove like know these gentlemen, and _they all told me panes, to the theater. . they went out that you would settle the bill.” He would not have gone at all, he was so in- “TJ just wouldn’t pay it, pop.” f But I have paid it !” stormed the Old *€ Oho, you have, hey ?” Ss “Those names were as- the landlord wanted me to pay the bill.” ‘
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. 41 “Well, I gave ’em an order on Shanks. "I couldn’t geb away without.” : Shorty laughed and then said soberly: “Send around and tell Shanks not to pay it, pop. Dat’ll fix’em.” Mr. Burwick did so, but he was too late. Shanks had already paid over the money for the dinner to the landlord of the St. James. Josiah sputtered and threatened tohave the man arrested, but he thought better of it the next day. In fact, upon reflection, and from remarks that he heard when the speakers did not know that he was listening, ke finally tumbled to the fl ll re db | if i Ws = SS Sy ‘“ DEAR SHORTY,—Meet me at the theater this morn- ing, I’ve got a pleasant surprise for you, ‘AN OLD CHUM."? “Well, I don’t know who dat is,” muttered George. “ Why don’t he give his name? Dat’s only a fake, datis. I ain’t going.” ‘“Going where?” asked Kate. “To der theayter. Somebody wants ter see me, but I don’t know who it is.’ “Why don’t you go and find out? He says there’s a pleasant surprise,” for Kate had read the note which Shorty passed to her. “Well, he’ll be surprised then, for I ain’t going.” ““ Where is he ?” ‘Gone around to the theater.” Once more Shorty vent to the theater, this time to the front entrance. ‘ Shanks was standing therefsmoking a cigar, but no one else was visible. ““Man been looking for you, George,” said the manager, “Who was he?” f Tl never tell. Don’t know him.” “Where did he go?” - “Over to the Nebraska House.” That was a hotel across the street; a place Shorty had not yet visited. Over he went, and when he got in, he asked : ant } hy fo i y ne i ? SS Up he jumped and began bowling along the snowy road as fast as his fat legs could carry him. away and leave me!” he yelled at the top, of his lungs. n Ai) \ lai i Ain TA a il nt } AN Wi ** Hold on—don’t go Weither Shorty nor that wicked Kid paid any more heed to his cries than they would if they had been deaf, dumb and blind. ‘sr that the whole thing was a put up job on} “If he can’t say who he is, I wouldn’t either,” im, said Josiah, Then, more than ever, he resolved to go| Shorty did not tumble to any snap, but he Straight back home. nally made up his mind that he would go to He declared his intention just before the)the theater after all. sHe put on his fur ulster show that night. like, but dere ain’t any trains runnin’ out 0’ Bbicazo now; derroads areall blocked up with now.” t - That was true enough, and the storm was|knowed dat thing was a fake.” working west besides, 2 pare. out of Kansas City and|to warm himself inside and out, and us business. Short; st time he mine 3 On “All right, pop,” said Shorty, “ go on if you|stuck a cigar in his mouth and set out. in time, Kowever, and they pro going go around to the stage door and wait.” and big cap, got inside a pair of warm gloves, When he got to the theater, he found it closed‘ ne of the men having arrived. “T don’t see nobody,” he said to himself. “I Then he sauntered into a neighboring tavern ere the rietor said : ‘arty looking for you just now; said he’d Do you know him?’ “No, never saw him before.” Out went Shorty and hurried around to the 4 one to help stage door of the theater. a # Feller been here looking for me this morn- Yes, and he went out mad.” ‘Where did he go?” ‘*T sent him to the theater.” Back to the theater went Sno finding the front door open, but no one in sig In he went, but had hardly peer inside when he was suddenly seized an down the steps, across the walk and into a big ‘lsnow’ drift. “There, you duffer, make me go trotting all over for you, will you?” cried an angry voice. can Shorty looked up out of his bed of snow and saw a big six footer, who was a total stranger’ to him, squaring off as if ready for a fight. “Wat's der matter wid you, stranger?” asked Shorty, as Shanks came running out. fired out- ees can’t make a sucker out of me, you — “You're George Burwick, aren’t you?” asked s the Nebraskan. 1 Py _“ Dat’s what I allus cade at mar “And you wrote me a letter telling me to meet you here this morning, and then sent me | over town looking for you?” ee hustling all ad rete:
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ain't no a — a 42 “Did 1?’ asked Shorty. know it if I did.” «There must be some mistake,” said Shanks, THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “Well, I didn’tja ballad, it is more than likely that he would have flatly refused. When they said he mustn't sing, however, it “Mr. Burwick doesn’t know you at all, sir, and| was another matter. vite ot have written you a letter.” * Well, a challenge, and then made me go all over town after him, and I'll lick you both if you say|hurried into Josiah’s much. Then he chucked a letter on the walk, and went off very mad. Shanks picked up the letter, and read: ** George Burwick will meet Tommy Meacham at the Donte to arrange for knocking him out to-morvow at nine.” “Why, that’s said Shanks,’ “Tally one for pop,” laughed Shorty. ‘‘ Won- der how he worked up der snap. It’s great,” your father’s handwriting,” CHAPTER XX. c Suorty found out eventually how the Old he couldn’t, eh?” said the other.|and then singing a line or t f he did, that’s all. My name’s Meach-/the Garden, - ballad am, and I’m a fighter, and this chump sent me|popular some forty Presently they heard him gpg Pees voles, “Come into aude,” a ballad that used to be ore ago. id a wink, and they both room. ““Wot’s der matter, pop—are you took sick?” “ Dat’s an awful cough you are got, grandpop, Yer orter take something for it.” “T haven’t any cough,” said the Old Man, spitefully. “Didn't I hear you barking just now? Of eras I did.” . ‘ *-T was singing, sir, and I’m going to sing in Mr, Castle’s place.” por “Guess ye're crazy, dad,” said Shorty. ‘‘De idea of your singing! Yer ain’t in it, just a little bit.” “Yer couldn’t sing at a nigger funeral, you ouldn’t,” said the Kid. & “And yer ain't agoin’ ter sing here, neither,” horty gave the Man had worked up that last snap on him, and|declared Shorty, in a positive tone. he gave the latter a good deal of credit for it. It seemed that Mr. man Meacham. er, in the hotel the night before, P good many lugs, and he thought that he might get ae a oe snap on Shorty through him, He had written the note to the Burwick had seen the/the Old, Man, testily. who claimed to be a prize-fight-|show, and I'll do as ge utting on ajabout it and will find out if I can sing or not.” ghter and|through “You've got nothing to say about it,” said “I’m manager of this ease, I'll see the leader} Then off went the Old Man and at once com- municated with the leader of the orchestra, the speaking tube, telling the slinger also one to George, and had then gone to a lotjof the black stick to play ‘‘Come into the Gar- of gO in the neighborhood of the theater den” for him, as he he olke to sing it. an told the proprietors that if any one calle for Mr. Burwick he had gone to such a place. The leader did not care, of course, and as soon as the act then on was over, he whispered That is how Shorty and Meacham happened |around what was coming, and all hands started to do so much chasing around that morning. The fighter did|the most of it, and it made him mad because he thought the whole thing|/shoved on, and was a job on him. Shorty did not find this out all at once, but eff on the introduction to the ballad. A front scene, representing a garden, was in came Josiah in a dress suit with a sheet of music in his hands, ‘Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, advancin, by degrees, and he gave the Old Man credit for|to the footlights, “our tenor is sick and I wi having fixed up a pretty good aoeP on him, As for curing him of working off other snaps, however, there was no such likelihood, When Shorty turned up his stumpy little ‘ _ toes to the 4 pe sagt ! oming daisies, he would cease to play rackets, but not previously. “JT must give one ° pop for that,” he re- marked to Charlie, when he had learned all about the Meacham snap. “He's getting too ‘gay for an old duck of his age.” “You ain't no chicken yerself, dad,” said the Kid with a grint “None o’ yer sass, ae feller,” said Shorty. “Tf yer give me any lip I'll take yer acrost my knee aud wallop yer.” : “Maybe yer t'ink dat’s a kneesy job, dad, but I giles not,” j ‘Tl call around to-morrer for der map 0’ dat, Kiddy,” said Shorty, “I ain’t got time now.” eal 1 oe ; ” sai arlie. Per et’s have it straight.” ‘Put a bent pin in his chair. He’s new enough to get stuck on a old gag like dat.” _ Shorty winked the other eye, and remarke something about the Kid being too fresh to keep long unless the weather grew colder. ou a good one to play on grand- ing take his ie for this occasion only.” The Old Man may have been a good ballad singer once, but those days had long passed ‘The leader waited for him to begin so as not to get ahead of him, the musicians watching for the signal to chime in. ‘ Josiah cleared his throat, threw out his chest, opened his mouth as wide as possible and bawled : “Come into the garden, Maude!” Then he forgot the next line, although he knew the one that rhymed with it. ; The band went right on, however, making as much noise as possible. raz nl Josiah came in with them on the third line, however. He could hardly be expected that it was: Come into the He also manag which was: “T am here b to miss that, see- arden, Maude.” to get out the next line the gate alone.” ever. Just then in Paste a female figure most daz- owever, that evening, at the theater, Shorty ec arraye fixed up the Old Man in good shape. There was no use asking play in any farces thought of. : the aid fellow tojof a for he would not do it and}hind hin that settled it, and so something else had to be and a high w. It was Shorty in a red dress with a train made een shawl, trailing out three yards be- see a cue thie wig, three feet shoes ite . “Yer's yo’ Maudy, sweetness,” he said. “ My After the first part Shorty and the eee oe gone down suller ter get a jug of cider an’ ¢ 0! their dressing-room began a discussion w iS Old Man could not fail to hear, his room be-|de - ing the next one to theirs. fill up der gap,” said Shorty. 3 “Yer might get grandpop to sing a ballad in Castle’s place,” suggested Charlie, ed Shorty, “ Well, he ain’t very sick.” he couldn’t sihg ’em if he did know any.” : _ “ Well, he’d make der folks laugh, anyhow.’ “Don’t beli¢ve he could do that even. ood except to sit in der middle.” ow F osiah fancied that he could ee ballad as well as any one, and he did not _ this sort of talk. : He gust meant to show those two runts that he no : sige pha erorno, : : If they had gone to him on their hunkies and with weeps in their e nem over the gap in t We'll have ter do something ourselves ter|gusted and Shorty let out a laugh that fairly ‘|raised the roof. od at it, but he might Sy 2 ? do on a pinch, now that the other feller is|gal I cutcher deep, see, nigger. “Kh, get out, he don’t know any ballads, and|white hat, whi He] were ajaside to Shorty. ike q es, begging him to help|snoozer, | e programme by singing ishing his razor, ne locked de do’ on him an’ come out yer in \ 0’ honey.” den fo" to see eaudienc , Mr. Burwick looked dis- The audience howle Then in came the Kid'*fixed up as a Buffalo Bill cowboy, with a big hat and boots, and ; “ Ah, go on, pop can’t sing for a cent,” snort-|shirt and pistols, and a razor three feet long./keys were in his pocket. “Dat's my Maudy, yo’ old snoozer,” he sai the razor, “an if yo’ foolin’ wif m At that Se gavea yell, and off flew his e up went his yellow hair at least a foot. The band had stopped playing, for all hands laughing too much to attend to business. “Get off the stage,” growled the Old Man Then once more he opened his mouth and re- uested Maude to come into the garden. “Heah I is, honey,” said Shorty, trippin; ; i his train and nearly falling over the Oldjhe desired. pt Eee : only could sing, but that he meant tojover his trai y gs “Where is that stupi d@ darky of mine?” dew: an. “Jest don’t yo’ hab anyfing to do wif de ole I tol’ yo’, Maudy,” said the Kid, flour- “Tf yo’ does I cutcher bofe.” “ Oome into the garden, Mand, For the black bat night has flown, Come into the garden——” Shorty and the Kid now joined in singing so loud that the Old Man might have been dumb for all you could hear him. Shorty sang “‘In the Gleaming,” and the Kid warbled ‘* Annie Laurie,” so you can imagine the pee that ge Weare et her go, boys; play anything!” yelled Shorty, leaning over ne talking to the leader. Then there arose a horrible racket, every man playing as much out of time and tune as pos- sible, his sole object being to make a noise. The Old Man clapped his hands to his ears, stamped his foot and yelled: t “Shut up! You'll drive me wild !” Then those two A ale grabbed him, one on each side, whisked him around and started up the stage with him. - The flats separated, and the three went through and clear way up to the top. Then the Old Man was pian dropped down a trap upon a feather bed, and Shorty and the Kid disappeared. “Well, ’'m going home this time for sure !” growled Mr. Burwick, getting up. ‘The idea of being treated like this! I won’t stand it any As he was stumping away he heard the or- ere playing the very thing he had attempt- sing. “The ies !" he grunted, and reaching the stage, he looked on at one of the wings and saw hea ay singing that old-time balladin first-class _ style. n fact the man wasn’t sick at all, the stor; that he was having been a campaign lie fixed © up_to fool Josiah. : Shorty had put him up to the snap, however, and when he went on finally he had to sing that old ballad before the crowd would be satisfied. . The Old Man went off to his room in a rage, and said to Ginger Jones in a tone that made that aged darky’s hair stand on end: “Pack up my trunks and go call a carriage or see or something, at once. I'm/going to New York by the next train.” sudden. “Don’t give me any, back talk, you black rae cal,” sputtered Josiah, beginning to hustle oif his clothes, throwing them this way and that, regardless of consequences. e took Ginger in the mug with his coat, sent his vest flying up to the top of the bureau, and threw his trousers to the other end of the room, all in three shakes, . : Then he began to wash up, knocking down the washstand and spilling water all over the oor. “Hol’ up, sah,” suggested Ginger. ef yo’ wasn’ in sech a faster, sab.” “Mind your own answered the Old Man, chucking a shoe brush | at Ginger’s head. f hat was enough for Mr. Jones, and he obey- ed orders. He chucked exer ee jiffy, slammed down the lids, locked them, and hen went off to get'a cab or something to take them to the station. ) ‘ he Old Man began to work more systemati-— cally, and consequently accomplished twice as much as before, Heving for his street clothes, He found his overcoat and hat, was to be seen of his trousers or coat. One shoe was found inacorner, after asearch, but not the Sent trousers. Ginger had put “Confound that nigger, what has he done with my pants and coat?” sputtered Josiah, — bustling about. “I can’t go out in this style.” e thought of the trunks, and grabbed hold of the lid of one of them to see if he could — find his breeches. ‘ He could not get into it, of course. te Moreover, he was rapidly catching cold, — standing there in his drawers and vest, and he began to sneeze, vies hen he put on his overcoat and one shoe, and rang the bell for somebody. : One of the stage hands came and asked what — manded Josiah. “Gone out, sir. a carriage.” “ Yessir, dreckly, sir,” muttered Ginger, won dering what had come over his master all of a —— but nothing hem in the trunk, and the — Said he was going to order a “Maybe | urry yo’ could get long — business, your black idiot,” “You go to work and pack ~ q| He didnot get any farther than the gate, how-lyy, and don’t have so mule to say.” Meee Bi into the trunksina Sy washed up he began to look around —
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THE SHORTYS. ON THE ROAD, 43 > “Well, send somebody after him, I'll freeze to death here.” “You can go into the boiler-room if you like, * sir, but we ain’t allowed to leaye the theater.” Josiah did not go into the boiler-room, but curled up on a sofa in his own room instead, covering his legs and feet with his big coat. Ginger Jones did not show up until the show ‘was over, and then he announced that he . couldn’t get a sleigh, sledge, cab, omnibus, car- riage, or even wheelbarrow, everything in town being engaged. The Old Man sputtered a bit and then de- manded his keys, that he might get something to wear home at all events. that sort of business, there was no end of rugs and blankets and foot warmers in the sleigh, and there seemed to be no reason why they shouldn’t all have a first class time. “T'll drive, going out, pop, and you and der Kid kin sit on der back seat and keep each other company,” said Shorty as they prepared to enter the sleigh. No one objected to this arrangement and in a few moments away they -drove, gliding over the glittering snow like a duck over a mill pond. The road was good, the day was just cold enough for comfort, the horses were dandies, Off they went, Shorty driving, and the Kid cracking the whip and singing out to the nags to get a move on themselves. It was somewhat colder than in the morning, the snow was hard and crisp, and made a sing- . ing sound as the runners glided over it, while the wind whistled and shouted and made things just hum and no error. They were half way home, and were ina part of the road where there wasn’t a house in sight, the wind sweeping across the plains with a whizz and a whiff,of the Polar regions in it, when the Old Man suddenly espied something on the other side of a stone rail, “Hold up a second, George!” he shouted. t e ‘S) = * Nothing more was said about going to New % York that night, and Ginger chuckled at the _ success of his plan of staying out till the Old - Man had got over his mad, Say, pop,” said Shorty to the Old Man a day or so after this, the little runt having revenge in mind, “‘let’s me and you and der Kid go slei hin to-morrer. It’s bully just now.” “Why, yes, Josiah. ‘1 haven't hada real good sleigh ride in some time.” “Well den, come along. We'll go early, take good long drive, get our grub somewhere on der road, and den get back to town in plenty Ri ht after breakfast the next morning, a ine, big, two-seated cutter, drawn by a pair of ‘Spanking bays, was driven up to the hotel, and # Ms presently the three little runts came out. _ They were all well wrapped in furs and all that ought to “be nice,” saidlo ~**Ob, Lord,” he gasped, as he put forth all his strength and began to whoop her up. He had never run so fast before, and probably won’t want to do so again. His short legs fairly flew over the ground and he puffed like a steam engine. The bear ran too, and now that he was on all fours, made very good time. and they all went skimming along, feeling|“‘ There is a very rare plant right over there, tiptop. having good appetites, put up at a hotel on the road and ordered a first-class dinner. and I want to get some of the berries anda They drove about twenty miles and then,|cutting to t with my botanical collection.” W The Old Wess was as much of a crank as ever where collecting was concerned, and the sight They paid first-class attention to it when “itlof the dark-green leaves and bright red berries came, I can assure.you, and when they had fin-|on the bush behind ‘the wall was ished, there wasn’t enough left to feed a canary|to stir up his ardor as a speciali any line. nm. Finally, after having had a cigar and some- thing to settle their dinners, an that they had better return. “You and me sit in front this time, Kiddy,” proposed George, “and let der gov’nor have der back seat to hisself.” ‘He kin fill it, he can, “Yes, and if yer sit next to him he'll squeez yer as flat as a sheet o’ paper. Give der O] Man plenty 0’ room, Cholly, me boy.” . The Old Man took the back seat, an riding alone the seat with him, i oe} Win lh uite enough st in the bai “What do yer soy, pop?” asked Shorty, pull- etting welling up. toasted at the fire besides, auorty suggested}: ays “Stop a minute and let me get some slips from that bush, It’s a very rare specimen of the oxalis hydroclosis vulgaris, and I want some of it. I did not know it grew in this part ” laughed the Kid. of He ate an awful dinner, he did, and he’s|, jtwice der size he was comin’ out.” the country.” F ; “ All right, pop—hurry up,” said Shorty, Bir ng the Kid a knowing and gery suggestive k, ‘and don’t get stuck in der drifts.” Josiah turned down the rugs and blankets, over it when a hopped out, and_skipped over the wall in a d was|JMY- ‘ well bundled up to keep out the cold, finding} He was just about climbing pees to having some one on|sudden sound caught his quickly around, é ear, and he looked cos
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aa THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. —— Sen There was that sleigh with Shorty and thelin a faint, believing that his terrestrial curtain|the old odds and ends you could think of, a~ Kid in it driving away like the very dickens, |had at last been rung down. lot of straw, a disreputable horse blanket, and ““Whoa! Hold up!” yelled the Old Man, try-| Now itso happened that that bear was not/the raggedest looking buffalo robe you ever sav ang to. get off that wall in a hurry. 3 ce pe the fierce wild monster of the woods{ that Jo-lmade up the outfit. te : e did so, for a fact, and the famous fall of|siah believed him to be. Josiah was not aes however, for he ia the celebrated Humpty rans was not init| Hewas og erforming animal owned by|was in a hurry, and would have taken evena an when put alongside the tumble Josiah took. a traveling French Canadian, who exhibited|less pretentious vehicle than the one that ap- Down he went off that wall in a brace of|him for filthy lucre, and thereby made a tidy|peared, rather than not go at once. Raa he shakes, rolling clean into the middle of the|living for himself and Bruin. After being warmed at the farm-house fire, * road. He had escaped from a stable where he hadjand taking a big drink of corn whiskey, which — Then up he jumped and began bowling along|been kept, however, and the collar, with a|nearly strangled him, the Old Man took his 3 the snowy road as fast as his fat legs could car- broken chain attached to it, around his neck,/place on the only seat the sled afforded, beside ry him. ; proved conclusively that he was not the wild|the driver, and away they started. : “Hold on—don’t go away and leave me!” he|man-eater he was thought to be. When’ they reached the hotel theré was — fh yelled at the top of his lungs. : ¢ On the contrary, he was a sociable sort of|a grand laugh, and the Old Man got out very Neither Shorty nor that wicked Kid pie any|brute, and not haying seen a man for three days|mad, paid over his twenty dollars, and went in, more heed to his cries than they would if they| welcomed Josiah’s approach with delirious joy.|__The first fellows he met were Shorty and the — had been deaf, dumb and blind. That same delirious joy of his came near to Kid. ~ bring too much for Josiah Burwick, however,| ‘Hallo, pop; where yer been?” asked Sho i AP XI for if he had had torun another ten yards he} ‘You know well enough where I’ve been, CH TER XXII. would probably have busted something. snapped Josiah. ‘‘ What did you go off an ArteR the cutter containing Shorty and the} Now, however, he had come off with the man|leave me by the road in that way for?” ; Kid ran the Old Man as fast as he could travel,|he had been so glad to see, and he began to| ‘“ When did yer get out, grandpop?” asked — . yelling at the top of his voice for them to stop./show his delight by kissing, sniffing and xroot-|Charlie. : They did not do it, all the same, nor did they ing at the "gabe old man as he lay on the snow.| ‘“ Blowed if we ever missed yer till we drove _ even look around. ; ust before Josiah came around again, two\up here,” added Shorty. : Of coursehe could not keep up a pace like}men came hurrying up, and oneof them cried:| “You didn’t miss me!” gasped Mr. Burwic ent ee any eae _s time, and, barring acci- Feds eg gare are yor Fexe) oe long) ‘ Nixey.” ee ents, he must soon stop. a it up, make ze bow. Kees ze| « an? ~ He came to a halt more speedily than he ex-|hand to ze ladies.” . fae you didn't know where I got out of the ¢ pected. “Wall, I reckon that’s the feller yer done} «Course not.” A lump of snow turned under foot, and|been lookin’ fur after all, ain't it?” muttered “Did yer fall out, pop?” down he went in regular spread eagle style. the other. ? : “Why didn’t yer holler?” Rh: When he arose the sleigh had disappeared] ‘“Oui-oui! zat is my Baptiste. I know him,| «Weyer was so beat 6ut when we got here. around a bend in the road. ~ é he know me. Ho-la, Baptiste, dance for ze gen-land didn’t find yer.” - ree Up he got, brushed the snow off him, utter-|tleaman.” : ; wi “We was just goin’ ter send a search pai ing at the same time a word strong enough to| The bear immediately arose on his hind feet|out for yer, pop.” : have melted it, and began to trudge on in the|/and began to move around in what might, by al «How did it happen, grandpop ?” : direction of the city. : ; at stretch of the imagination, be called a)’ Josjah stared at hose two Hehe runts in as-_ He had gone not more than a quarter of a/dance, but which seemed’ more like the aya tonishitient, Monee mile when something came out of a little patch|tions of a tipsy man trying to walk on both They were both as sober as judges. tas of woods near the road and rapidly approached. |sides of the street at once, at two in the morn-) & 16 you mean to say you thought I was is At first hé took it. to be a man and hailed it. ing. the sleigh all the way home?” Wan “Hi, do you live around here, and can you ust then, Mr, Burwick recovered, saw two} « Gert!” both promptly answered, a take me to Omaha?” men, and jumped to his feet with a glad cry. « And you don’t remember stopping to let me The man Sg ne ssewets but continued to} Next be Rete ie Lpoi Bare a yell cep ee a out to pick some berries from a strange plant?” advance at a ro’ ; to run, bu e Canuc ; reassuringly : at . ‘Josiah thought him to be a man of furs, and} ‘Do not have ze fear, sare. Baptiste vill not rere oe ae ee ss ropaeaig patra Reis i: he considered him yery sensible in dressing/hort you. He ees ze good fel, he ees glad to see) Josiah could not jog their memories on that _ avee - ¢ “a Se on & ze wip genkey ore - ea ep gs ae point either. Ben * As he was abou address him in, how- e Canuck and bruin shook hands an corp ; ~ ever, he made a discovery which filled him with|executed a waltz, much to the auiiaement- ct Mi sang “hole as Winds sy but what yer: horror, dismay, terror, fear and everything else|the Nebraskan. | ; p "Course we didn’t, It broke us all up when _ scaring. ‘ ‘ “That thar. b’ar won't hurt ye none,” the lat-\we found yer wasn’t ih it.” : His man in a fur coat was a big black bear. |ter said to Josiah. “This here Frenchy done] «Where did yer fall out, pop? Was it ve The way he faced around and took to his heels}missed him, and come ter my house looking furifay pack 2?” ; 4 ees upon making this discovery was something ex-|him, and I s’pect the b’ar be as glad ter see him} « Fyyyt you ibioh Ole Man? Did yer hol traordinary. beat. i iy gee - ne ha see the b’ar, Mighty peart animile,|},.9° i cat “ Great guns | it’s a r!” he gasped an en’t he?” . % . ¥ “ * An’, ” * “Vo 1A away he hoofed it, at full speed. : “Yes—yes, very clever, uted Josiah,| hie 44 Piper pales err ray ro bis “Thats what I get for coming out into these taitng Bpod care not to let Bruin approach too/™& Chaco: ta, Baw wae san aa it?’ Oh-ohy a sic rercied pipcen” ie ENP eee oePfia Baptiste is fol to run away, to hide in|@nd you a Sunday-school super!” ee f z U “c 5 . ‘ eG Visions of being made a meal of by the wild|ze wood wiz nossing to eat but ze snowball and] , ; vig I ee dca such stories for nothin’! sall go to his house wiz/{7) 300 eres ies and ze gentlea- BAC CG OL US P away and leavin’ you ih walk home! Oh, pop!” ; ; @ “We neyer couldn't do it, nohow, Ww wouldn’t be so mean, would we, dad?” f *“No, Chawles, we couldn’t doit. Yer pop took too much cider with his dinner.” here twas clearly no satisfaction to be gotte’ pijout of either Shorty or the Kid, and the Ol Man soon gave it up. : Whatever Shorty said the Kid agreed to vice versa, and there you were. | ““ Well,” muttered Josiah, as he went off t get ready for dinner, “this settles it if it ile ago, and|never settled before. I shall leave for home | Mr. B Have you|night! & second time for he had seen more than enough Omaha at) “‘Can’t get away, pop, der roads are all bloc ed up with snow forty foot ee a aiigee It was not so bad as that, but Josiah did go|go back all the same. ; At the close of t on him fast. =: eet Se) a to A tad; he gone be) Ne. put forth all his strength and began to whoop her up. : He haa poker rec so fast before, and prob- ably won’t want to do so.again. - His short legs fairly flew over the ground and he puffed like a steam engine. ye ou like,” interposed Radic to the city at » tisfied with a, pl 7 asped, Oh dear, oh dear, I'm a Oh; dear, ¢ , uare on Shorty. there ain't a_ soul to he : a on this occasion was a d-fashioned bent pin racke into Shorty’s dressing-rc $ ‘seat of the litel “L
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45 THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. fo - most good. \ Then he did the same to a pair of loud: checked pants that Shorty wore in one of his comical acts. He likewise treated a pair of clown breeches, very bagey and voluminous, in the same man- ner, and then put a pin in the chair occupied by George in the first part. 4 When George was dressing for the opening, he suddenly received a stab in the rear. “Oh, gee! ing a jump. ; f : An investigation showed the cause of his agi- tation, and it was promptly removed. 1 tS | | r m —— SS] SSeS Man, shaking his fist at th When the curtain arose, George was seen _ standing in front of his chair, like all the rest of the pope. __ When the Oid Man requested the gang to be - seated, George sat down like the rest of them but, unlike the rest he gave a sudden howl and _ jumped up again. - “Jiminy! I thought I got rid of da‘ pin mce,” he muttered, as he seized the obnoxious article and threw it away. ‘There was no more trouble until he skipped Out at the end of the first part to get into his clown rig, a comic circus act concluding the - drawing room part of the show. Once more that deadly pin got ir its fine » work but not immediately. _ The breeches were bi enone to make it harmless until the Kid whacked Shorty with a rel.stave as he went to jump through a dane # Then that pin made itself felt, and Short; Sa ht he was stabbed to the heart, it nvorker. rel]. , When they went off he accused Charlie of hone had a tack in the end of the barrel ve joker’s dress trousers where it would do the} What's dat?” he muttered, giv-| ri | A | Hi re | f I a ea aren pal In a brace of shakes they found themselves on the sidewalk alongside the trunks. ‘‘This is an outrage,” stormed the Old “Honest Injun, I don’t know nothin’ about it, dad,” said Charlie. After the banjo act, George made another in- ivestigation, and found a big pin fastened in the ibosom of his banjo act breeches. i “Never did, dad,” said the Kid, producing |the stave. : “Well, it’s very queer,” muttered Shorty. ** Seems to be raining pins to-night.” | On taking off the clown suit, the pin was {found in the seat of the big trousers. “Well, I'll betjiggered,” said Shorty. sure I'd chucked dat ting away.” ] Later on he dressed for his banjo act with the Kid, but did not think to look for pins. | He found one when he sat down, and itfound him and no mistake, | ** Holy smoke!” he ejaculated, jumping up} land giving the Kid a belt in the ear which up-| “Twas! iy = | | | i i | é MA Gy" etrunks. ‘‘I'll have you allarrested. I won’t be treated in this shameful manner. I'll sue the house for damages,” . “ What yer do dat fur, dad?” asked Charlie, *“You know what,” muttered Shorty, brush- ing off the chair seat with his hand. hen he sat down again, bufithe pin got there ahead of him and made things lively. “ Wow, pins!” he grunted, jumping up again and aiming a crack at the Kid. “What's der matter?” asked Charlie who had dodged. «You're too fresh with dem pins, young fel- bs ler,” growled George, sitting on one side of jhimself so as not to get stuck again. “Don’t. know nothin’ about them, pop,” pro- tested the Kid. “‘ Let her go!” Shorty was not sure about it, many times on der same ting and you're the only feller what I told about it.” ‘Oh, I take me beans,” cried Charlie, with a sudden outburst of mirth. time, Gawge.” “Got what?” “ Got ontér der snap. peana ey been work- in’ it.on yer. Dat’s just der kind of rackets he ets up.” “The old snoozer !” muttered Shorty. “Tl soak him for this, you bet.” It would have been all right, as it was, if Jo- siah had let well enough alone, but he didn’t. but he couldn't} He wanted to make his joke still more on for their banjo act. when the latter was doing in his part in the af- ‘The audience thought that all this funny|terPiece and proceeded to fix up George’s street business was a part of the act, and declared trousers in the same way he had fixed the that those two runts were getting more com- : ical every day. As it happened, howeyer, he miscalculated Shorty got stuck again in shifting his posi-|the length of the farce and thought it had just tion, and he growled savagely at the Kid andjbegan when it was nearly over. muttered : e was so intent on his little joke that Shorty “Wait till I get you home, young feller. cee te the door and he didn’t know anything _ : about it. ; a You'll get a warmin’ for this.” “Tye got it this - do anything just then, as he and Charlie were|Pointed and he sneaked into Shorty's room -
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" stick and waited for the Old Man to come out. The No, no, fen everything, pop. I ain’t going}curtain. — ‘and Ogden in Utah, thence to Carson City in| working.” _the poorhouse or in jail and not likely to go to] “‘You’ve been sayin’ that fur der last six|S¢amp. _ the show, but he took Shorty’s word for it and|months, pop,” retorted Shorty. “Why der THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. “ Oh, it’s you, is it?” thought George, as he] The Old Man went on when the Kid told him} In fact, he saw the driver and made it worth* sneaked away noiselessly. to, wearing a long-tailed coat and a very*high/his while not to bring the Old Man back until “Well, Pll fix you this time, just see if I white hat. | just before dinner. ; don’t.” Unknown to Josiah there was a placard on Then he got a bladder tied to’ the end of a|his back which said : Pp oss one or two instructions. z) : : “That’s all right, George,” said the other — “Turn around,” whispered Charlie, when|/with a laugh. ; “Tt Am No Goop AND So ARE You.” Josiah went on. "= And you wo: Pisces He did so and there was a howl. ** Not a cent.” WHrack ! ‘ “Hold up your hand,” was the next order as} ‘Not till you hear from me?” y Shorty stood outside the door of his dressing-|Shorty came on, “No, not till then.” room, and when the Old Man came out, he got} Josiah held up his hand and a noose was} “Den dat’s all right, and we'll see how pop a crack on eo cae ype pends hae drop ed Na ae ‘i ee aaa ac ges likes it,” That is, Shorty thought it was the Old Man,|} ‘ e other hand,” whispere e Kid, “‘ an Then the entire party skipped out, the but it wasn’t, just the same. turn around.” ; / ‘ absense the ici, Up went the Old-Man’s hand and then he|>2!tys,,the whole minstrel troupe and Shanks, “Hold on, pop, don’t be so fresh,” he mut-|found himself suddenly dancing in the air. bg ee ftandy oven Hania ip Gad & go Then he went to the proprietor of the hotel, aid all the bills except Josiah’s, and gave the CHAPTER XXII ’t give him any money? tered, “‘it’s me. : : Both hands were caught in nooses and he},), t hi If inh > gel. as eel ain’t funny,” said Shorty. wh yanked up in the air most unceremoni- had taken himself off on a four othe (ve al q “pa, imdere. 1 bwigged him, and come out ter] i--hi—hello, let me go," howled Josiah. "Shanks would not lave gone. dea téll yer about it, so’s we could roast him.” aten jumpin jack,” sai orty. AS ee ~ In fact, ag Beg eer the apott in we % eM he fook putty . Pre or a ft pares he ‘hedicnown eyoud dae ae is brief interva at Shorty was away from i ** Hold up yer hand,” whispere e Kid from ‘ ; oe getting the bladder and stick. ’| behind the scenes. Shorty took care that he knew nothing a ne? it till they were well on their journey. —- : The manager was kept busy getting the trunks aboard, picking out seats and all that — till the very last moment. ny Then, seeing Gece, Charlie, the women an r That's how he happened to get the crack} The idea of telling him to do that with both meéant for the Old Man. hands in the air. “Well, I reckon he won't come out now,”} ‘Let me down!” he yelled, kicking like a said OOE De *cause he knows something's up. aoe ello We. - a nis Come on, let’s go.” * He’s r dan you thoug e@ was, ain’ ; a ane ee said ee blind, so ed “ty pi he?” laughed Shorty. “He's too modest, he Eo ene p apeealct wna iNest oe Nie wou i ey gone, come out and get/is.” di ; Saat a crack on the noddle. Let me down!” yelled Josiah. presumed. that he was taking a nap or quiediyis e i x + 7 aoe ‘The Old Man was too fly for those funny fel-} Then in came the Kid in song-and-dance rig cet Lg cattle a oats / and never : lows just then, however. . and a club in his hand. Well, the whole tribe had skipped and ta ' He did not come out, and they waited invain,| ‘‘ Why don’t yer hold up yer hand when [ tell] .; me * ris nee ud Gnally went off, and then he cae ate y PY ¢ yor Sead siah did not know a word about it until he oT pot th how." ks er to?” he ie ; Au eat "tend| came back from his drive. ‘oa “T got even with’em once.anyhow,” he re- er cues when I give ’em to yer?” He came in just as Ginger Jones did, and — marked the’ next day, on thinking the thin: “Let me down; I say,” roared the Old Man ; ; i PRR over, ‘but I'll get more so, just see if I don’t.” |again kicking out. d regi aie Sarre Mier, Paes Oba in eae ie “ “Bop soaked us that time,” said Shorty to} One of his shoes flew off and took Shorty in ae brought those trunks down?” ‘he , ‘ jasked. peas ¢ the Kid, ‘I didn’t} « , ” : ” in know yer was such a good kicker, grandpop.” ieee OW BHT OY eae ae Gingpr “Let me go, I say,” howled Josiah; aad off|* -., ‘ ‘ flew the other shoe, sailing out over the heads Abe ee decided to go home after al ly,I couldn’ say, sah. He neber consul the neck, making him jum “Take yer base!” laughe e 5 AE No, dad, you soaked’ me,” returned Charlie. “Didn't know you had so much muscle.” “ Well, I ain’t a clam if I are got mussel.” ‘Where did you crab that bad joke, pop?” t “Get out, you shrimp—that’s good.” of the audience. j “*Yes—good for nothing,” and there were no} ‘Great flying leap for life,” chuckled Shorty. more attempts at fishy puns. : ‘Hold up your hands,” cried the Kid. The Denver engagement was up in afew days,| ‘‘ This is der landlord’s revenge, ha-ha !” and then the company went to Salt Lake City} ‘‘Come in fellers, and see der flying machine me ‘bout nuffin nowadays, sah.” Figs “Where is Poel anyhow ?” : Hah Don’ know, sah.’ Fg Se. “Why don’t you know, sir?” see the old man. ‘Don’t you know anything?’ ba “No sah,” replied the coon, not caring to eb Pe s Bidets amas ig Np gaps into a row with that’cross old gentleman. . el ie Nevada, and then poaiges on to San Francisco. . Here Shorty roasted the Old Man once more, that fussy old party having begun to get can-| The Old Man was still yelling, but all of a|_,./ Well, go and get the key of my room and. 7 tankerous again. P i sudden the ropes gave er or ys lowered, Til go aa cae for ae t Re “ Gone ? aie bd ** All gone, and I did not knowit?” =f “They've gone fast enough, and it isn’t my ~ id not know it.” : Be Man turned -savagely upon Ginger, © and demanded: heey “Where were you, confound your black skin that you did not know about this?” ; it, but I’m afraid they’d rather see me some-|no definite period, but only for as long or short where else.” , a time as suited all hands, > : “No, they won’t, they like the show and you'll]. Shorty secured a good attraction to fill out A get lots of applause and that'll make the show|his time, and closed the engagement in the fault ite go fust rate, pop.” “|middle of the week without saying a word| The Old The Old Man would rather not have taken|about it to Mr. Burwick. pert . pe piece ad pe ip iat Ce a ane next morning Bene halt the gl ane mptation of hay is frien eased, ani $m. or cramps, or something else, and was as 1 M so ie consented. S . cross asa beer.” eh Hit Ah~ah—ah—just took a lilly bit ob—ob: As a matter of fact there wasn’t one of his| “I’m sick of this business,” he sputtered be- ob a walk, sah—dat’s all, gasped Ginger. old pards in the house that night. fore Shorty, Shanks and the Kid. ‘I’m sick of Hm! Of course you did, and just when Those that were still living were either in|it, and ’'m going home.” you ought to have been in the house, you Paes “T did n’ spose nuffin’ was pr ine ter happen, — got fooled. ‘ . _|mischief don’t yer go, if yer wanter?” -_|sah,” stammered Ginger. ‘“I’se been out oa . The piece might have been called “ Hamlet,”| The Old Man growled out some answer and little walk befo’, sah, an’ nuffin happen.” — Bie “The Robbers,” or “Blood on the Moon,” as}went ayer: f “You had no business to go away, you stupid | well as “The Hotel Keeper’s Revenge,” for} He hired a carriage and went off driving, in-|donkey. If you had been here this would not there was no hotel keeper in it and the scene|tending to be gone most of the afternoon, which haye happened. Well, I suppose I’ve got to was laid in a wood. was just what Shorty wanted. 4 too, now. Order me a carriage after dinr a . i“ > oe 4, y \
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PED TOTNES Ey f clerk. * Ain’t my bill paid?” “No, sir.’ ele ““Why didn’t George pay it?” ; “Tm sure I can’t tell, Mr. Burwick. not good at answering riddles.” “Well, where’s Shanks?” “Gone !” That last announcement knocked the Old Man flat. “Gone !” he echoed, “Yes, gone,” “ How much is my bill?” asked Josiah, feel- ing in his pockets, if ‘ i *«- You'll pay your bill, I suppose?’ asked the I'm THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. ltalk that I understand. “But I'll pay you in the end, I tell you.” “You must pay me now.” “T can’t, I tell you.” “Then out you go.” Ting ! That was the bell on the fellow’s desk. Up rushed a porter. “Put those trunks on the sidewalk.” Up came three more porters, and the trunks were hustled out in a jiffy. | * Confound it all, you’ll get your money, I tell jyou,” sputtered Josiah. alm —— ATT = yy j \ laughed the clerk. “‘ Money is the only sort of WI Wi “7 ie The crowd was just vt ever, and the more the O more they liked it. CHAPTER XXIII. THINGS were getting a little too lively outside the hotel to suit the proprietor thereof. He was in the joke with Shorty to soak the Old Man, but he had not expected Josiah to make quite so much of a disturbance. It would never do, of course, to have the Old Man go on like that and draw a mob before the house. Consequently two of the porters were sent out to bring in the Old Man and Ginger. ma i 1} tt itt oying the fun, how- d Man stormed, the i | I i LITT ivi iui 1 \ me pe a pn l % They pulled and hauled and mauled and pinched and hustled and yelled at him, till he did not know if it were he or somebody else. “*S ay ~ One hundred and eleven dollars for you and Mr. Jones.” “Why, didn’t George pay it?” asked Josiah, ' with his wallet in his hand. You asked me that before and I said I did not know.” “Twelve dollars and forty cents !” gasped Jo- siah, looking at his pocket-book. _ “No, no; one hundred and eleven dollars !” _ “ And then there’s the railroad tickets; that ‘}l be about three hundred dollars more.” “Very near it,” warbled the clerk. “Well, well, that’s all right,” said Josiah. - “You know me, of course. Just let me have eee or four hundred dollars. It'll be all + ye 2 iy % Oh, no, it won't,” said the clerk. “It’s pay up or get out in this hotel.” “But you know very a td enough to pay you.” “Then why don’t you do it? “Well, just now I'm short, of course. do carry much money about me, but that’s _ right. “My name is good for any amount, I tell vor? You can't play any such gag as that on me,” top, stop! “Yas, sah, yo’ll get yo’ money, ob co’se yo’ will,” put in Ginger. Then he and Josiah were both put out. ~ In a brace of shakes they found themselves on the sidewalk alongside the trunks, “This is an outrage,” stormed the Old Man, shaking his fist at the trunks. “I'll have you all arrested. I won’t be treated in this shame- ful manner, I'll sue the house for damages.” “Yas’r, we'll sue de ho’se for damages, dat wha’ we do,” said Mr. Jones, excitedly. Of course a crowd gathered when the Old Man began to go on in this style. Why wouldn’t it??? And the more excited the Old Man got, the Let me go, for goodness’ sake!” he finally sputtered. **Are you all crazy? You act like a parcel of idiots!” The crow: were brought in in a hurry, and the dispersed, “What's the matter, Mr. Burwick?” asked the landlord. “My trunks were put out on the sidewalk by your clerk. It’s an Be a , : “Oh, that’s all right, Mr. Burwick, he did not know you. He simply acts under orders,” “The idea of not knowing me! Why, I can pet money enough easily to more than pay our ills here,” “Of course you can.” ‘*¢ All.I want is to have you advance me the money for our railroad tickets, and when I get () New York I'll send you the amount of your bigger grew the crowd: “The idea of turning a respectable man out in t bill. f “Excuse me, Mr. Burwick, but I don’t do the street, when he could buy up this old hotel/business that way,” said the landlord. ‘Stay well that I’ve gotjand dozen more like it. It’s outrageous, I say.” here as long as you like—a month, six months, * Yas'r, it am outrageous, dat’s wha’ it am.” |a year if you like, but you can’t go without set- “Hold your tongue, you black idiot!” roared|tlin Never|Josiah, in a tone that made Ginger hop. ‘It’s alljall your fault, you lazy, good-for-nothing blackjhim,” su up. That is our invariable rule.” ‘“* Marse Gawge sen’ yo’ the money ef yo’ ax ggestec Ginger. ‘“ Juss yo’ telumgrafft scoundrel. If you had attended to business and|to um an’ de money come de nex’ day. Dey’ve not gone away, this would not have happened,” |got dese tings down bery fine dese days.” Ginger was sorry he had said anything. | “To be sure I could do that,” muttered
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THE SHORTYS ON THE ROAD. — Josiah. ‘‘ Shanks would be bette: than George, capri ae Tl telegraph him.” i= “That will be all right, of course,” said the landlord. } ““Where had I better send?” asked Josiah. “Tve got a message for you, Shorty,” said the} In fact, he was rather sorry that he ha boss, when Josiah came down to breakfast. found them all at home. Dee aied “What does he say?” cried Josiah ae They pulled and hauled and mauled and — “Read it for yourself,” said the landlord, [yee and hustled and yelled at him, till he handing over the dispatch. id not know if it were he or somebody else. ; “Oh, anywhere on the road. There’s no hur-| To proprietor Palace Hotel, ; “Stop, stop! Let mego for goodness sake!” ry. The morning willdo. You'll go into din-|* Sav Francisco. he finally sputtered. ‘‘ Are youall crazy? You ner, I suppose git ’ ae ‘Let the old sucker have all the boodle he wants. act like a parcel of idiots!” i “Ves,” “ SHORTY.” Then they all broke away, and Josiah tumbled «And have your old room, too, I presume ?” “ Yes, that will do very well.” hat? The trunks were broughb in and taken up,| “‘H’m! Well, he needn’t have put it that) ‘‘ You act like alot of born fools!” he growled. ‘ and Josiah was himselfagain. __ way?” growled the mad old gent. “I’ve a good|“ Didn’t you ever see me before? I wish now He was a bit lonesome after dinner, and helmind not to take any money from him. [l|l'd stopped out in California. I wouldn’t have. went to one of the theaters, being given a box, tele: aph to my bankers instead.” been mauled to death there.” 3 as he was well known. . ~ “ Yo’ bettah take it, sah, when yo’ can get} Oh, yes, he was an awfully nice, mild old — The next morning he telegraphed to Shorty|it,” said that wise coon, Ginger Jones. ‘‘Marse/fellow, now that he was at home, wasn't he? at Ogden to send him some money to get out of|Gawge mougih change him min’, an’ de banker| He wouldn’t be cross to his family any more, © town, => me. . man mought be dead or outobtown. Yo’ can’t|would he? -He waited all day without hearing from|tell nuffin bout it—way at de oder end ob de| * Dia we're glad to see you, pop, dat’s George, and that night took in another show to for gk like dis.” what's der matter,” said George with a grin. pass thetime. = f : _| Mr. Burwick concluded to take Ginger’s ad-| At that Mr. Ginger Jones laughed somewhat The next morning he got a gaat from thejyice, and he drew a liberal amount of money|more boisterously than was prudent. operator at Ogden reading as follows : from the proprietor of the hotel, more than} ‘‘ How dare you laugh, you black villain?” “Shorty party not on this route. ‘Telegraph to/enough to cover all expenses. ‘ cried Josiah, arepbing up a boot-jack from a Denver.” cen a any to See a BOL eye: Spc a ee and letting Ginger have’ it “Hm! that’s.a pretty idea!” muttered the|t@at it had been settled all except the lastjon te noddle. | : : Pa Old Man. “Here I’ve lost two days. I’ll catch| Week. 3 1 My ! fot his old time toa a ie again,” therh at Denver, though.” The book-keeper forgot to credit thejlaughed Shorty. “He'll do, he will. This was no more satisfactory than the other, |@™ount,” said the clerk, “ but your bill was paid Clear out of here, all of you "stormed the . Nosuch people found. Must have gone on.” at the time the others were. “All you owe now|Old Man. “* You're a lot of idots, that’s what “Fm | hat’ll I do now?” growled the Old|is Heat six ei barat ee sie rie ope e you aie The see. ot going aver, rae pete E pee ; ‘ ’m !" grun e an, but itexpressed|me one in that hotel. Vl bet it was jus ey ry cat go ti ‘ aphing all over the Mb rnp sad es trae Oe AG one ot et pee Jokes,” ae a “ Ain’ yo’ got no ates in Califo’ny what'll), Having set va ea an took the first Oy PORLEAL, SUL WIC, 1) BRIG, een anO =, VOU oe , a through train for New York, taking Gingerjalways said so much about going home, that len’ yo’ de money, sah?” suggested Ginger. & g ge wa thought maybe you" wa uke ehiey ih Wop Maybe the Old Man felt happy when he readjinto a big chair very hot, very tired, and ex- - ceedingly mad. “Tm, no, I’m afraid not. I didn’t live inSan along. . s c i It was no fun traveling all by his lones, how-|did, of course Ey tenknyie fae mee Eat aed a Sr mae! noid EY even if he did have that coon along to wait} J: osiah made no reply to this pertinent re- » on him. mark, bers te one t ae Weaver ey lad yo'| Poor Josiah was tired of it before two days}, He was too mad to trust himself to say any- ; 4 tol." Pmsorry I said so much ab Pe ntiep ts Gerved, anid the theta asia El aye ae ; “ T’m sorry I said so much about going home,”| “Dinner is served,” sai e footman n- Geone Av) be all right when. T get, word tol. muttered. “I don't like it justa little” |zet’, who now made the announcement in the Aanesariarraliinio here. ? : Ginger had aigood enough time of it, however, Proper form. ; “You might telegraph to Kansas City,” sug-for he made friends with the colored porters} Well, the Shortys were all at homeagain, and gested the hotel clerk, “That's ahead and your|#4 waiters and had lots of fun besides plenty|the road trip was ended. fire will get, there before Shorty does.” of good things to eat. Shanks had made lots of money by the affair, — The Old Man adopted the suggestion and ilway journeys have to come to an end as|and had enough to last him some time without _ wired.to Kansas City. well as everything else, and at last the Old pare a thing. ; : Lrought through the very Man and Ginger arrived in New York City,| All the Shortys had taken out of the trip was Gore eh Shorty Wan jel hig ede. glad enough to get home, eerie aka . their own expenses and the salaries of the com- _ r 7 e an took a cab, had his trun edjpany. : : et ae, for Mr. George Burwick by the on, put Ginger on the box with the daieer wd. Shanks got all the rest, and was a rich man. The women did not hear it and nobody else|zeve home. : Hang onto dat money, Shanksy, and. don’t saida word, and the boy went into another car. pa eret ee pot ae Aotees ere pope ea a he Groce. bum shows and losing it. ; F { i ner time, ani en the Irish footman let him : Josiah waited and waited until he knew that)? procee ded at once to the library, followed by %-You bet I won't,” said Shanks, “but Dll j j In. a) oore raters ok take you fliers around the world if youl get . Had heen delivered. Then there was a circus and no mistake. up.e show.” : ; ” All hands and the cat were in thatroom wait-|, “No, thanks, old feller,” said Shorty. _ ‘No such person found,” was the answer}. “We've had enough to last us some time.” Y vite sent back... A ““Confound it all, what’s the matter with the telegraph service of this country, anyhow?” growled Josiah. earn osiah to show ap. My 2 ; he three ladies, the three boys, Shorty, the} “‘ We couldn’t get usted to go with us, — , thout him,” added i in, Kid and Shanks were all there. and it wouldn’t be any fun wi wine moment they canght sight of Josiah|the ee iit ais talks tik weee Meet Buaeae “Try Chicago next,” suggested the clerk. ive was a grand shout, | sa T oys,” urge anks. ri ry 7 verybod nD and said There’s plenty of money in them. fate ae wo t money enough, mattered as laneies a Scam £10 3 vag “Deir totais wouldn't let us,” said George. — « Send it G, 0. D. then. That'll be all right.”}_““ Why, here’s Mr. Burwick, as sure as I live|__“"No, you settle down for a few years, Mr. Burwick wired to Chicago, and, after sacha ! Shanksy,, added Charlie, ) "| Shas allo, pop, when did you get home and how Shanks concluded that he might as welldo — waiting two days, the answer came: aroma 40; ‘ te “ Party not on this line. Collect $5.40. Try Union) ‘ Well, if it ain’t grandpop himself, and no| He did so for a time, and said no more about Pacific,” one else !” going on the road. “Collect five-forty, hey ?” said Josiah, with a| “How do, papa. We missed you awful com-| Then the boys lost sight of him. etek grunt. “Why, that’s more money than I’vejing home.” — . ; They did not think he had taken out a show, — Why, Josiah, where haye you been all this|however. : - got.” - By scraping together his odd quarters and|time?” I nickels, however, the Old Man found that he| ‘How did you like coming home all alone ?’|have been very foolish if he had. ; cae had money enough, but it left him nearly strap-| ‘Got all you wanted of it this time, didn’t], As for Josiah, fiery horses could not have — ped. ‘ ‘ ; ou?” agged him out on the road again. + ae : This sort of a ae getting monotonous,| ‘“ Why, Mr. Burwick, we're real glad to see} “Don’t talk to me about going into the old — and he wondered where it was going toend, |you.” business just for the fun of it,” he ejaculated “T must have been a terrible nuisance,” he| Then all hands grabbed that poor Old Manat|when the subject next was mentioned. oh muttered, in his repentant state, ‘‘or theyjonce. - % : don’t see any fun in it whatever, and the next wouldn’t have gone off and left’ me like this.|. Two or three of them grabbed him by each|time you go on the road, you leave me behind.” Ill do better next time.” a hand and seemed quite anxious to pull him} Im fact, neither Shorty nor the Kid cared to _ Seven days had passed, and the Old Man wasjapart. t g0 again, or not fora se time, at all events, still in San Francisco. | Shorty and the Kid slapped him on the back|and they did not propose it. _ 1 Ne “Wish I had written at the start,” he mused.|till he choked: - - | At last accounts the family was living in _ “The letter would be in New York now, and| The three shavers stuck pins in his fat legs/peace and quietness, in their big house on Mad: A Repree would have it.” _— and made him howl. ay ison avenue and were having all the fun that __ “Why don’ yo’ try sendin’ wo'd to de ho’se by| They all talked at once and in the loudestjthe law allows. aia et telumgraph?” asked Ginger. ltones. Ginger Jones was still with them, of course, “TD haven’t oar money,” sighed Josiah. Poor Josiah was driven fairly wild with the|@nd_ was as important a coon as ever, without — -_ “Can't yo’ tell um ter collect on de oder end “racket, to say nothing of the hustling he got at the least desire to take to the minstrel business ‘Manse Gawge kin pay fo’t.” _ {the hands of his family. : either for fun or for any other cause. ret dio - Til try anyhow,” said the Old Man| Ginger stood in the background and took in|, I may find time to fell you more about the the w ole show for nothing. Pane ene oe day, Diese, api ne be ee; se wo'd, de glad to see de ole ge’man,|them @ rest, and just suge' J gu Keep . hme es your weather eye open for something good from There was really no need of it, and he would _ i He ‘sent off a night. message at half rates to eopiee in New York and anxiously awaited an\an’ no mistake answer. ; -Itcame the next day, and was sent to the dlord.. ; Viana ‘ Poor Josiah! Whata hustling hegot! _. |your old friend, the subscriber. _ He didn’t feel so glad as the gang seemed to, f ; } é s,. [THE END,] . however,