Five Cent Wide Awake Library (vol. 2) (1892 12 10)

Page 1

This page's text is still being fetched. See the page, or reload in a moment.

Page 2

THE PaRSONS. BOY. i. t . The subseription price of THe Wipr AwAkeE LIBRARY by the TOUSEY, PuprisHEr, 34 and 36 North Moore Street, New York. Box 27 SoS ear is $2.50; $1.25 per six peep 8 paid. Address FRANK “THE PARSON'S BOY; OR, be THE INNOCENT ONE OF THE FAMILY. A STORY OF THE ADVENTURES OF A NATURAL: BORN VENTRILOQUIST. f By TOM TEASER, Author of ‘‘ Truthful Jack; or, On Board the Nancy Jane,” ‘‘ Fred Fresh; or, As Green as Grass,” etc., etc. PART I. aclCK RICHARDSON was a natural \ ventriloquist and was born that way. ‘ He did not know it till he was about fourteen, however, but then he made up for lost time. A traveling showman happened to come to town and Dick went see him, al- though the Parson did not approve of such things. 4 Dick was the Parson’s boy, you know, and was supposed to be brought up ecu x \ Well, he took in the show and gave all hands and the professor a grand surprise. The showman gave an exhibition of ventriloquism, imitating different animals and throwing his voice to various parts of the pee , Dick listened and watched and finally it came oyer him that he could do that sort of thing himself. He had heard of the Sees of course, but did not know what it was like. All of a sudden a voice seemed to come from the rear of the hall, Dick being seated in the second row from the front. ** T can do that myself,” it said. _ Everybody looked around, the professor seemed surprised and then asked : Oh, you think you can, eh?” i Ce gin and this time the voice came from the skylight. The folks all looked up, the professor was still more surprised, and asked again: ** Will you come up on the stage?” : “ Here Lam,” said a voice at. the profes- » sor’s elbow. Be The audience was very much mystified, and the showman was a bit astonishe himself. “Tift wo that there trap,” eried_a smothered voice apparently from under the platform. ; 4 “Oh, you’re there, are you?’ asked the showman, intending to do a little ventril- oquism on his own account. __ No, I'm here,” and the voice sounded from the rear ‘ain. ahs seemed | little bit, but w = say, although he had not opened his ‘ace. “Gentlemen and ladies,” he began, ‘‘I must really——” “Shut wp, and ore a better man a chance,” interrupted a voice from the gal- lery. Bienes of people turned their heads to see who had spoken, and theh a voice from the back of the stage said : “ Give that little fellow down there in the second row a chance, fellows.” Everybody looked at Dick, but he put on innocent look,.and nobody tumbled to nim. Then they applauded the professor, and he bowed his thanks and seemed to say: Sic Much obliged, folks, but I didn’t do all rat.” “Signor Stepnose, the renowned wire walker, will now perform his justly cele- brated act,” he said, hastily. * You're no good,” sang out a voice from the main chandelier. That was Dick’s work, of course, as had been the whole business. : “Put that man out,” said the showman, “ Here I am, put me out if you can,” said a voice right under his feet. He realized that'there was another and better ventriloquist than himself in the house, and he looked all over the front rows to see if he couid discover him. Dick looked terribly innocent, although he said, throwing his voice out of the pro- fessor’s mouth. “Tm only a skin, fellows. You mustr’t think I do all this.” ‘ At the same time the young scamp preserved a firm poeta of his facial mus- cles, and those sitting next to him could not see so much as a twitch in his lips. The professor went off mad, and some- _ thing else took his place. Dick did not give thé thing away just.a en he went home proceed- ed to try a few experiments. He made the parson think there was a bee in the room, and sent him chasing all over to find it. 4 He imitated the squeak of a mouse right under his mother’s chair, and put herin a terrible iecge in consequence. Lo ‘The hi rl was nearly thrown into a fit because she suouset there was a cat in» the oven, a dog in the flour barrel, and a rooster in the china closet. * That pty er Dick was at the bot- tom of the whole business, ap! L haoh ite His first appearance as a ventriloquist was a decided success. After this he practiced and got the thing down fine. He got hold of all the books on the sub- ject he could find, and made all sorts of ex- periments until he was away up in the science. It was a natural gift with him, however, and that’s how he caught on so quick and improved so rapidly. Two years rolled by, and all the time he never gave the thing away, not even to his chums, and here is where our story starts. Dick was sixteen, not very big, as inno- cent looking as_a baby, but as full of pranks, snaps, jokes and larks as a mule is chucked with viciousness. In fact, he was called the innocent one of the family, and if any mischief was in- dulged in he was the last one to.be ac- cused of it. His mother always defended him, and she got free of snaps, but the Parson did not always believe him to be the innocent kid he looked and would says as much. “What! That innocent boy do a thing of that sort?’ his mother would say. ““Nonsense!. How can you look ‘at him and say that?” : All the same, he was at the bottom of all the pranks played. : No one could really say he was, however. particularly when he put his ventriloquial powers into practice, for that was some- thing that none of them got onto. About this time, two nephews of the Parson’s, young fellows from the city, were sent to their uncle to be reformed. No school, public or private, would have them, no tutor would undertake to teach them, and nobody wanted them around. They were up to all sorts of rackets, and nobody was safe. Moreover, their larks were not good-nat- | _ ured ones, for they played tricks which in- jured their victims, and they had been ‘threatened with lickings more than once. — On such occasions each told upon the other and tried to sneak out of the respon. sibility of the affair. i They played such chair from under a snaps as yanking.a erson when he went need

Page 3

4 ] | i THE PARSON'S BOY. boys bigger than themselves, which they took good care not to do. Well, these two chumps, Hiram and Rastus Diggs, were sent to the country to live with the Parson, with a view to their mental, moral and po ape Yee They were older than Dick, Hiram being nearly seventeen and Rastus something over eighteen, and that innocent kid was considered to be their legitimate prey as soon as they»set eyes on him. Dick sized thefm up in two shakes and made up his mind that there was going to be war from the start. ** All right, sonnies,” he said to himself, **but I guess that if you tackle this young fellow you'll get more than you expected. The next, day the city boys puta pint of pins in the hired man’s bed, and when he turned in that night he hada sharp time of it. i Jonas made a fuss the next day, and threatened to lick the fellows that played that snap on him, intimating that he would start on the brothers. Then they squealed on Dick and said that he was the fellow. Dick said nothing, but he did some tall thinking. Later on Hiram and Rastus hooked a lit- ter of young pigs and put them in the cook stove over night. Fortunately, Sadie, the hired girl, opened the oven door before she made the fire in the morning, or there would have been roast pig for dinner. The hired ee nearly had a fit, and the shoats ran all over the room and made no end of a row. Those two chumps of jokers, when ac- cused of the trick laid it on Dick, and the Parson began to lecture him. “The idea of accusing, that innocent hoy,” said the Parson’s wife. {* Any one could tell to look at him that he dig not do it.” ‘ Dick did not say whether he did or not, for he wasn’t squealing. All the same, he had cousins of his, “T don’t mind any little snaps like that,” he muttered, “but wait till they get in deeper and then I'll duck ’em.” Just about that time Dick worked off a little racket of his own which was a bis- cuit taker and no error. * The Parson made Dick go to meetin: whenever the church was open, whether i was regular service, prayer meeting, con- ference or anything else. .. He may have thought that if he had his eye on the young fellow the latter would not be up to mischief. he did think so he made a huge mis- take, as you will see. Dick would just as soon put up a job in church as anywhere else, and it did not make a cent’s worth of difference whether it in for those anyone had their eyes on him or not. “i hat was the beauty of his ventriloquism, he didn’t need a mustache to hide his mouth and he could practice it anywhere. One evening shortly after the arrival of his cousins, Dick had to attend a ee in the vestry or whatever else they calle it, and here was where he worked up his snap: , twos a week day night and the breth- _ren and sisters had gathered for the pur- pose of preparing for a fair or festival or something of that sort. There was no need of Dick being present, as he had no vote, but the Parson made him go all the same. “Tt will keep him out of mischief,” he had said to his wife. ‘That boy needs con- stant watching.” 4 Dick had a seat on the side, away up. front, close to the platform, in plain sight of everybody. ‘ _ No one would suppose that he could get into mischief in such a conspicuous place, vee id, a} all that. ii e proceedin., £. fairs do, and thas the sree saad t dt unfold a plan of his IE pee First, however, he turned his back on the crowd and Peusn looking over a lot of A ; pare on bit a d Bee desk. Ff e was e Parson. that’s what favored Dice, , eleani The brethern and sisters waiting for the _parso startl % to hear him say; ( —_— — “Tf we have a fair, I do hope that Sister Miflins and Brother Jigson won't get to Jjlirting the way they did at the last one and scandalize everybody. Mrs, Jigson doesn’t like it.” Sister Miffiins and Brother Jigson both blushed and looked very mad. * And theres Brother Sam Hobbins,” continued the Parson, igh pce k ie still bus at his papers, ‘‘the way he plays poker is outrageous. He had much better put more money into the basket than gamble it away. I don’t believe he has put in a dol- lar in six weeks.” It was Brother Sam Hobbins’ turn to look indignant, for he was one of the most sanctimonious old duffers in all the flock and didn’t know a queen from an®ace, “And I hope we won't hear of John - Wiggleton drinking any more hard cider,” the voice went on. ‘“ His nose is a sight to behold now and I wouldn't like to see it get any worse.” “ Sister Sawdusty has got to stop send- ing letters to Deacon Brown or she'll hear from me, you bet, to say nothing of the Deacon's wife. It's scandalous. “ Then, there's Brother Blowhard. If he dosen't stop smoking cigarettes and playing the races, he'll get fetched up with a round turn and don't you forget it.” Just thén the Parson turned around, Be Fe forward and said: s dear brethern and sisters, I That was as far as he got. Those mad brothers and sisters made it warm for him. ; They did not like to be talked to in that style, right out in meene. he best and soberest of them had been accused of things they would never think of doing and it made them mad enough. Moreover some of the unregenerate had giggled and that made them madder yet. hen the Parson turned around he got it hot and strong. Brother Jigson was on his feet in a jiffy with half a score of singing books in his ae) hand, while Sam Hobbins caught up a hassock. Sister Mifiins jumped up and n to talk at the rate of nineteen to the dozen, ee abst Sawdusty began to get hys- erical, Then the air was full of flying missiles all ioe af the beds Cag h ee “Say I play poker, do you?” Ss Call me a elder drinker, hey?” - = Tell me I smoke cigarettes again if you are, “Flirting with that old hen Miffiins, hey? Well, I guess not !” All had something to say, and all had something to throw. 5 Books, ottomans, and other movable furniture went flying through the air. That bad Dick sat there looking as inno- cent as a clam, and nothing touched him. Nobody suspected him, either, for he had not moved or opened his head. ; As for the Parson, he was just para- zed. bo5 did not know what all the fracas was about, and he was decidedly astonished. He dodged some of the missiles and got hit with others, but managed to say : “Friends, friends, brethren, sisters, my dear hearers, what does this mean 2?” All hands tried to talk at once, and the hubbub was something awful. pe Parson could not make head or tail of it. Some of the gang flounced out of the room and declared that they would have nothing more to do with a church where they were so ie Ered Brother Sam Hobbins wanted to lick the Parson then and there, and swore that he would unless the latter apologized. at don’t know what you mean, ly, I . Brother Hobbins,” said the puzzled Par- to unfold his plans were very much : son. and don’t put no money in the box?” de- manded Hobbins. E 5 ““And how dare you say I flirted with that old wreck, Jigson, for?” asked Sister Mifflins. . “Really, Brother Hobbins, Sister Mif- flins, I never made any such remark.’ “Yes, you did,” cried all the crowd, and be 6 would not have it otherwise. e Parson stuck to it that he had not, and Jigson, Hobbins, Brown and Mifilins are 4 ** What you want to say I play poker for. See ee —————————————————————E——E—EEeEeE———E—E———————E——————— eee baie fully as positive in declaring that he a . There the matter stood, and the Parson had to dismiss the meeting, for half of the gang cleared out. Dick got home early that night, but he made up his mind to let his father alone after that. The trouble was settled by the Parson going privately to the aggrieved members of his gang and Srcloetai ee, though he really had done nothing. a He did not tumble to the real cause ot the racket, although he suspected that ~ Dick had something to do with it. Hiram and Rastus Diggs got onto the thing when they heard of it, and they gave Dick away. “He’s a ventriloquist,” they said, and gave a full explanation of what that meant. 4 / “Nonsense,” said the Parson’s wife. . “That innocent boy talk like his father? Of course not.” Hiram and Rastus'were not believed in that quarter, although the Parson credited their story. He called Dick up to give him a lecture, but he had not said a dozen words before the voice of Jonas, the hired man, was - heard floating in at the open window : “Hil hi! Parson, come out here. The old sow has swallowed «@ bee hive.” The Parson dashed otitt of the door and Dickleft by way of the window. ¢ Jonas wasn’t within forty rods of the — place, and the old sow was fast asleep and nowhere near the bee hives, : When that befooled Parson went back to his study there was no Dick in sight. “Really, I do verily believe the boy must possess some gift of that sort,” muttered he old gent. ‘“‘It fairly passes belief.” - Dick did not get the jawing that had been promised him, and he was ready for another racket as soon as it came along. Jonas, the hired man, like a good many other hard working men in the rural dis- tricts, had a fondness for cider which has passed its youth and entered upon the state of old age. He was not satisfied to drink at long in- tervals, however, but wanted it early and often, his times of imbibing increasing at an pes ratio as the days went on. At first it was three times a day, then six, then once an hour, then twice an hour, and finally every fifteen minutes, There was _ great danger that the cellar stairs would be worn out from the fre- queney of the man’s visits to the lower re- gicae where he kept his 4ug, unbeknown Ae the Parson, and so he removed it to the rn. He could go there as often as he liked without attracting attention, and then it was more convenient. Dick had tumbled to this habit of the hired man's, and he . concluded to get some fun out*of it. One pe Jonas had made four | or five trips the jug in the barn, the young fellow went in, abstracted the jug, pond its contents into another, and put erdsene oil in its place. Replacing the jug where he had found it Dick hid in the hay not far away and awaited developments. ; Before long, in came Jonas casting cauti- ous glances around, “Beats all how dry I be this morning? blamed if it don’t,” he casually remark Then he lifted the jug from its hiding place and drew out the cork. “ Look out Jonas,” said a squeaky voice from the jug. “Jf you swallow me yowll get fits.” that? a as) itene fp ao watching you, old man. “f Tromes Jonas, I place. ott Bil ** No, of course you can't,” chuckled the voice, “ Ican see you. P'mint. fae You've been stirring me wp pretty lively AD hadn’ > he, hel é I didn’t’ s'pose Td g Py my whittaker rattlesnakes! who's iped up the voice. “Im a Sj if Icansee any one,” muttered Jonas casting a scared glance around et s 4

Page 4

ae gasped the hired man as he sneaked ° : ut. Tt was not long, however, before he came in again, peered ail around and collared the - jug. ; fe had it to his lips when a smothered voice exclaimed :- “ Hi, hi! look out, there, yow’re swallow- og me I” hat very much frightened hired man dropped that jug ina hurry, sputtering and gasping : . *Gee-whizz! What in thunder is in the durned thing?” . “ Hanged if you haven't swallowed me, Jonas,” said a voice which appeared to come from his stomach. “ Guess I’ve s wallowed something durned funny, anyhow,” muttered the man, wip- ing his mouth on his sleeve. Yes, you have, and I’m going to hustle to get out. I'm the snake that lives in,the _ jug, Tam, he-he-he, ha-ha !” “Gee-whizz! I've got’em sure |” howled . Jonas, as he made a break and scooted for the door. He caught his foot in a loose sprawled out on the dusty jiffy. ; * Ho, ho, he! he, he, he! ha, ha, ha! I’m out!’ chuckled a squeaking voice. “ Here I go into the jug. I'll see you later, ‘old man. _. “Gosh all blazes !” ejaculated Jonasy get- . ting up. ‘lve got ter quit drinkin’! Whao! what durned smell is that? "Pears like somebody’s been spillin’ ile around.” He picked up the jug ove it a sniff, looked disgusted and then dropped it in a terrible fignt as a laughing voice piped up _» from out the mouth : “Try some more, Jonas, it's good and strong!” Smash went the jug on the floor, and out ent Jonas as though the devil were after m, ‘ Tn fact he firmly believed that such was the case, and his hair stood up straight like bristles on the back of an angry pig. That jug’s usefulness as a jug had pass- ed, and all it was for now was to put on top of the orchard wall as a terror to poachers. : Dick came out when the coast was clear --and chucked the jug on a rubbish heap ‘ pound phe barn, where Jonas presently ound it. “Turned shame to lose all that good cider,” he muttered. “I might ha’ drinked that and then quit fur good.” “Jonas!” sang out a voice from the house. } Itwas ht Cate just around the corner of Rao owever. ¢ “3 -“here’s that durned gal calling me, growled Jonas. ‘‘ What in time does she want now ?” _ Into the house he went where Sadie was _ washing clothes. “What you want of me?” he asked. "Don’t want nothing of you,” snapped Sadie, who was not fond of the hired man. What you want to call me for then if you didn’t want nothing?” _ “Didn't call you.” - “Yes, you did.” **T say I didn’t. “You did so!” ' Swish! That wasa wet towel which took Jonas the ear. ‘ “Tell me T lie, will you ?” cried the angry Sadie. ‘Take that!’ . taba 5 _ That was a dipperful of hot water and | soapsuds. : ‘ Out dashed Jonas, not caring to continue the argument. 4 _ “ Jonas, you've got to quit drinking or owll get the bounce,” said the voice of he Parson, as the hired man reached the rm. j | He looked all around in a scared manner, but saw no one. lank and oor in a ome, o ng to |] : ibs ae Richardson's voice, ‘known his THE PARSON'S BOY. . “Durned if I haven’t got ’em,” he mut- tered as he skinned out. “Blow me if I ever liked hard cider anyhow.” Away he went on a dead run, but not too quickly to hear a voice over his head, say- ing: ® Got’em ain, have you? Snakes!” After that he didn’t stop till he reached the potato patch, a quarter of a mile away, . when he grabbed up a hoe and began to work as if his life depended upon it. He did not sampie any more hard cider that day, you can bet, nor the next either. “JT think I rattled him pretty bad,” re- marked Dick, as he saw Jonas come into supper the next night soberer than he had been in agnonth. It was a fact, but all the same, Dick in- tended to have just as much fun out of him in one condition as in another. ‘PART Xi E T was a lovely day in May, the birds were singing, the bullfrogs were grunting, and all nature seemed to be on a spree when Dick started . out for a racket. He was going to the store to order some things for the house, but that did not pre- vent his having lots of fun just the same. | On the way, shortly after leaving the house, he met Squire Muddle. Now Squire Muddle was one of the char- acters of that town, and a man to be re- membered when once you saw him. The squire was tall, lanky, bald-headed, hooked-nosed, always wore a claw-hammer coat and a big, wide-brimmed, white beaver hat, carried a stick with a hook handle, and was as cranky as they make folks now-a-days. Though bald on the top of his head, his hair was long enough behind, and when he eb his hat on, which was always, except at his meals, or when asleep, you had t e impression that he had plenty or hair. his was the old duffer whom Dick met when he was on the way to the store that pleasant morning. : : “Good-morning, Squire Muddle,” said the young fellow, touching his hat. | ‘‘Mornin’,” grunted the Squire, proceed- ing on his way, for it was beneath his dig- nity to stop to speak to a boy, even if that boywere related to the Parson. , * Come over here, Squire, Iwant to speak ou a minute.” t was Dick who said that, but the voice seemed to come from the other side of the wall which skirted the side of the road. There was a dilapidated, very-much-the- worse-for-wear scare-crow, of last year’s crop, standing just on the other side of the all. to You could see the dusty hat, the tattered coat and part of the sieve-like trousers, but not the pole on which they hung. The thing looked like a tramp, for it had a head and, at that instance, with the face turned away, had a yery natural appear- ance. ; ; “Hey, what's say?” asked the squire, turning and looking at Dick. “* Come over here, I want totalk to you.” Dick had apparently not spoken, for not a muscle moved “ Hey ¢ Who's that talkin’?” granted the squire. ** Come over here, I tell you.” ; The sound came from the other side of the wall. : “Oh, it’s you, is it? want?” and the squire went across the road. ; ; He forgotall about Dick from that mo- ment, being decidedly absent minded. “7 say, old chum, lar?" ; That’s what the scarecrow seemed to say. _“ Why, why, iy disreputable ol speak to me like that?” : “Go get a wig, you old fossil!” i That made the squire madder than being asked to lénd a bene fifty cents. “ How dare you? I will have you com- mitted as a nuisance,” : “Tes begets the law, squire.” “ What's against the law ? “To commit a nuisance. chaw of tobacco handy 2” Say, got a Squire Muddle never chewed or smoked, S) i crt | th ponnideninn teers all form ou miserable tramp, you. villain, how dare you © lend me half a dol- | ‘ _adog, and at the sound he dusted, Esc a back to town and forgetting a Well, what do you | ~~ 3 ‘otrtatdlete, tha elnits pooke in : ; apes od to a a “‘ How dare you?” he sputtered. * Ah, go get your hair cut.” This was too much for the squire. He was near-sighted as well as absent- minded, “low dare you?” he said again. Then he raised his stick to chastise that impudent nye * Look out, ‘li shoot if you hit me.” The squire jumped back as if he had al- ready been shot. “ Morning, squire. How'd youlike avy last sermon ?” This time it was the Parson’s voice, but the latter was nowhere to be seen. The squire turned, forgetting all about the tramp in a second. “Good seeing, Parson, good morning. You gave us a fust rate dis—why, why, where is the man?” * Took out! Don’t step on me !” Squire Muddle jumped back in alarm. He could see nothing and now his back was turned to Dick. “Took where your're going, you old. chump. Yowll upset my basket of ehick- ens.” f The squire jumped back again, forget- ting all about the Parson as well as Dick and the tramp. Dick was now on the other side of the wall out of sight. As Squire Muddle pooued alot of chick- ens, old and young egan to sputter anc ceackle and make all sorts of noises. You would have thought that the road was full of poultry, by the racket. One old hen seemed to be right under the Squire’s foot and he nearly had a fit. * Now then, Cluny, yowll have to pay Sor that fowl.” The squire jumped again, and concluded ee be going blind or crazy, or some- Lhing. , He cotild not see man or hens, but he could hear them all the same. “Say, squire, where's that fifty cents?” It was the tramp this time, and the squire forgot all about the man and his chickens whom he had been supposed to have run into. Around he turned and faced the tramp in wrath. “ How dare you?” * Yah! You're no good !” The squire raised his stick to strike the tramp, being now just on the rear side of the wall, Dick was behind the wall, grasping the pole that supported the scarecrow. | He suddenly gave ita yank out of the ground and over went the whole business on top of the squire. “Vah! take that !” ‘ The supposed tramp had got one erack, but the collection of rubbish now fell on the squire’s head. * Bouw-wow-wow grr-ow |” That was a dog apparently close at his- heels. ‘ If there was one thing he detested it bho sting about what had fetched him out, Dick fol- lowing at a more leisurely gait, whistling | gayly as he went along. me pleasant Sunday moming, a few days Jater, the Parson had an engagement to preach for a brother minister in a neigh- boring town. ~ Ministers swap pulpits Occasionally. when they feel lazy and don’t want to get up a new sermon, for it’s easy enough to oe off an old one ona strange congre- gation, | A minister wants to have a good memory, that’s all, and-label his sermons when he inflicts them upon strangers, so as not to an twice. his interchangeable discourses were all ticketed, as, for instance, “‘ Used at Way- back, ’89,” ‘Done in Slowcome, * “Preached to the Methodists of ¥ others. Having one carefully over his stock of aust pos ne ee more than six times, stuck — ohiteh up, and en ‘ ‘proper poli give the.same people the same thing more ‘3 fethod elling — - in’90, will do for the Baptists,” and many ;! Our parson was aman of methods, and ay

Page 5

white choker, put on his coat and hat, and sat down to wait till Jonas called him. ‘‘ Where is Richard ?” he presently asked. ** I think I will take him to Hollerton with me this morning.” **Gone to Sunday-school, I guess,” said the parson’s wife. Then those two sneaks, Hiram and Ras- tus Diggs, put in their oars. **Oh, yes, like fun,” said Hiram. “ What does he want a box of bait for if he’s went to Sunday-school?” ** He's gone fishing, that’s what he has,” chimed in Rastus, ‘“‘[ seen him start.” Mrs. Richardson ror. “That innocent boy gone fishing ” she ble. nantly protested. “i indi ss tepoest é “Hm, it might be possible,” said the Parson, “but it is not grammatically cor- ' rect to say ‘has went’ and ‘I seen.’ Gone oe dows it would haye fishing, eh? I trust that you two young gentlemen will set him a good example and go to Sunday-school. I hear the bell ringing, so you have no time to lose. *The idea of accusing that innocent boy of going fishing on the Sabbath,” muttered the Parson’s wife, ‘‘ He would not do such a wicked thing. Iam astonished at your Saying it.” : Just then Jonas stuck his head in at the door and said : Mare’s all readyifyoube. If youmean _to get to Hollerton in time you'd better be startin’, I guess.” “Yes, to be sure. Now, boys, it's time to start,” muttered the Parson, getting up. f ef Hiram and Rastus were in for it, and no. erhey tat! intended t & mnten i woods aid athdbe Hil duaige thew peo they were dished, If they had kept their lips buttoned £5 er time, but now | i THE PARSON'S BOY. now they were at the bottom of the tureen. f Away they went to the church, kicking es ph for having spoken too_previ- ously. As a matter of cold fact, Dick had gone fishing. Thatis to say, he was not fishing himself, but he was with a gang who were. He did not think it any fun to sit on the end of a bridge for hours, getting the skin peeled off his nose just for the sake of tell- ing how near he came to getting that big perch, or how narrowly he missed hooking that monstrous pickerel or some other fishy gave a scream of hor- | yarn like that. All the same he liked to watch others do it for a short time and that’s what he was doing at the moment when the Parson left ome. Half a mile from the house there wasa river and a bridge, some shady trees, a stretch of sunlit meadows and an old oak where one could lie at full length on the moss and take in chunks of solid comfort by the hour. On the stringers of this bridge, a rude rural affair, sat four young fellows from out of town, this pleasant Sunday morning their rods in their hands, their baskets by their sides, their floats bobbing lazily upon the water below. Nobody had caught anything yet, but they expected to doso all the same. They did not. expect what they were go- ba catch, however, may say. | resently along came Dick, fishing for fun, not fish.» > : “ay That yarn of Hiram’s about his havin gone off with a box of bait in his pocke was nothing but a campaign lie. intended to injure Richard’s reputation. ; He had nothing of the sort, and he never went fishing. i } : “Hello, fellers,” he said as he came up, . being acquainted with those bad young ~ men from out of town, - ae ara St ets : ¢ ie) FF ee ET rer sing eae AVE ok Die 8 ‘Hello, Dick, how goes it?” ~ s; *“How’'d you manage to sneak ?” “Dad don’t know it, does he?” “Parson out of town, hey, Dick ?” These were some of the remarks with which the fishermen greeted the Parson’s . Oy. “Dad's all right, he’s gone to Hollerton to get rid of one of his second-hand ser- mons. How are they running? Got any bites?” s ‘**Had a couple of nibbles just now.” *«Something’s sneaking around my hook, I guess.” ; : *H’m, yah! there! I hess missed him, Don’t talk so loud, you fellows.” Dick sat on the guard rail of the bridge, \ ‘ What boy does iiist dike to lode and wiieeaie tle and take in nature by the square foot on a mild, spring morning} when all the earth seems to be asleep? Dick did, at all events, and he was just — enjoying himself and no error, when he heard a suspicious sound not far away. entire attention to coaxing the finny tribe to come out and take a nip, although not a — the invitation, — fish had, as yet, accepte and all they heard was the rippling of the stream. Tits Dick heard something e Ise. bas ae “Plunk, plunk, plunk!” it sounded along’ the dusty road, ; a, ate There was only one nag that stepped like — 5 that. Ge The particular creak which accompanied — the sound was also as well known as the tones of his father’s voice. } : rit at Even without the short, pee snap a the whip and the strident, “Get up, _ Fan,” Dick would have known that i father was comin, old buggy, drawn by the sorel mare. along the road in the reat The four piscators were devoting their yay rf

Page 6

her spee THE PARSON'S BOY. A quick turn of his curly head convinced Dick that such was indeed the fact. “Moses in the canebrake!” he sudden] exclaimed. “I forgot all about pop. _ thought he’d gone!’ He hopped off that poard rail in a jiffy; jumped upon one of the stringers and dove under the bridge. There was a cross girder there, on which he could sit and*be totally out of sight from’ everybody except a fellow coming up stream in a boat. “Go right on, you fellows,” said Dick. when. he had secreted himself, ‘‘ but don’t givemeaway. That’sthe Parson coming.” The fishermen snickered, but they never intended to betray their young friend. They knew who Dick’s father was but they had never seen him, and he did not ng them from Beelzebub’s brother-in- aw... . Along came the Parson, the old mare prodding along at a steady gait, as became a oe plug, not too fast nor yet too slow, but at a good, respectable, church- going pace. You never would call that mare a racer, nor yet could you say she was a snail, her aib being asort of half compromise be- een crawling and pigs That was what made her give that “plunk-plunk-plunk,” as she came along, . the old buggy creaking an accompaniment and the Parson giving the whip an occa- sional snap. Fan did not care a copper for the snap of a whip, knowing very well that the Parson would never touch her with it, and the _ only thing she did mind was the Parson's voice. His “‘get up, Fan” might not quicken when on the road, but it would start her up, when at rest, and nothing else would, ~ you mi You could leave that animal standing in the road anywhere and at any time, and 6 shout at her, and tell her to get the cows came home, and all to no 2. ' The parson was the only one she would up unt: ae ay any attention to, and for that reason f any one of the family desired to go any- where and the Parson could not accom- pany them, they were obliged to walk. ' The Parson understood Fan, and Fan understood the Parson, and that was all there was to it. . Well, along came the Parson and Fan and the old bugey this beautiful Sunday morning, with the four fellows fishing from the bridge and Dick under it, awaiting de- velopments. 2 en the Parson reached the-bridge he saw the four fishermen, and looked dis- pleased. i He did not see Dick, however, and there was some satisfaction in that. The occasion must not be allowed to pass without his reading these wicked young men a lesson, — If his son had been among them he would have done just the same. # He did not know then, and he was glad he did not, for now he could enlarge upon the good qualities of the boys of his own town and congregation. _/ “© Whoa!” d the parson, as he came - to the middle of the bridge. _ The buggy top was turned clear back as the morning was mild and the good man _. did not have the sun in his face. i 4 obody said & word, and the Parson, in ve broceeded to give those young sinners plazes, so to speak. “Young men,” he said severely, “are you not aware that you are desecrating the Sabbath? Don’t you know that you are committing a great sin?” Nobody acquiesced in or denied the pro- position. : “Tt is not necessity which compels you to fish on the Sabbath, for you appear to be well-dressed and in no great need, and therefore it is all the more a sin. “T could condone the offense if poverty forced you to fish on the Sabbath for the sake of procuring your daily food, but it does not, and there is no excuse. “T am eed to see that you are strangers. None of the young men of our town would so far forget what is due to themselves and their pastors as to go fishing on the Sab- bath, and I can see that you are ashamed of it yourselves, ds you go where you are not known in order topursue your sinful pleasures.” The Parson went on to the same effect and to a considerable length, and no one said a word. ; He just laid those young fellows out, and Dick heard every word of it. The lesson may not have sunk into his heart, but the sand sunk into his shirt just the same, and he didn’t like it a little bit. Meantime Fan stood there on the middle of the bridge as still as a stone. She continued to do so, in fact, until Dick said two or three short words. After that there camea change. PART III. i 7) HE Parson had paused to catch his ya breath before going on with his “WK lecture to those bad young fisher- "eevee men. “Get up Fan!” It was the Parson's tone, his expression and everything else. The Parson’s voice never uttered those words, however. That rascal, Dick, had used his ventrilo- quial powers upon the old mare and with great success. Upon the instant that Fan heard the familiar command, off she started at her usual pace. e The result was anything to the Parson, The sudden start was too much for his equilibrium. Over he went, there was a flash of some- thing black in mid-air, there was a ae on the bridge and Master Dick was deluge with sand. “Fortunately the Parson struck the buggy top when he made that sudden revolution, or the result might have been disastrous. When he recovered from his surprise, he was sitting in the middle of the bridge, looking after a runaway horse now jogging at a good pace along the road. Then it was that those four bad fisher- men could not restrain themselves. They had ‘to laugh or burst, and they laughed. : In fact, they fairly howled and yelled with mirth. ~ : The tears rolled down their cheeks, and it was a wonder that they did not fall off the bridge. He As for the Parson, he’ picked himself = in a hurry, shook himself together, grabbe' his hat and started off after that runaway but gratifying mare. ‘ He would have been glad to continue his lecture upon the sinfulness of Sabbath breaking, but this was neither the time nor the occasion. | Tf he did not stop that nag of his, he was in for a five mile tramp alonga dusty road, or else he would be obliged to let his team go onalone and he returned at the conve- nience of his neighbors, -Off he started on a dead run, by no means a dignified eding for a clergy- man at any time, and particularly on a ey morning. . : “Whoa !” he yelled, as he bolted off. _At first Fan did not hear him and kept right on at her regular jog. ‘The poor man had to runa good quar- ter of a mile before he could get near /enough to make the mare hear, and by — that time he was all out of breath, reeking with perspiration, and as mad asa elsney man can get without disgracing his cloth. — aes eye PKB y ate shoes and jump He climbed into the buggy, wiped his perspiring brow, took a long breath, and then started Fan off again at an easy pace, musing, as he jogged on, over his late mis- fortune. ‘“Very extraordinary, very,” he mit- tered. “ Never knew the beast to go ahead like that at anybody’s command. What could have induced her to doit? Vm glad Richard was not with those sinful young men. If he had been I would have sus- pected him of some of his tricks.” That’s all we’ve got to do with the Parson. at present, and now we'll return to Dick. After his father was well out of the way, the young rascal came from his hiding- lace, shook the sand in his shirt down into his shoes, resumed his former seat and drily remarked : “Pop took a tumble that time and he didn’t. The weather still remains salubri- ous in my part of the country.” “What made the old plug start up so sudden?” asked one of the four. % *Took it into his head to doso, I sup- pose,” remarked Dick. - He was not giving anything away, for those fellows didn’t know anything about his ee as a ventriloquist. “Why, the old man told her to go on, of course,” said the second. ‘I heard him plain enough.” M “Then I reckon she started up quicker than he expected,” said a third. “Yes, | think she did,” remarked that innocent Dick, going on with his whittling. “ Chuck !” ; That was the sound of a bob going sud- denly under the water. All four fisherman darted swift glances at their lines. All four bobs were as before, however, and not a line had tantened. “Gee! thought I had a bite,” they all said, in chorus. “Who's that coming down the road?” asked Dick. The fishermen turned their heads toward him and lost sight of their lines. “ Chuck, chuckl” Two bobs had gone under, apparently, and with a jerk, too. All four piscators yanked up their lines in a jiffy. There wasn’t a thing on them. “'That’s funny !” they all said. “Splash !” That was a fish jumping out of water. - Down went those four lines in a hurry. “ Ain't yowashamed to be fishiw on: day, you young scamps ?” : he fishermen turned abruptly, for that . hes the the voice of the sheriff of their own wn. They saw nobody but Dick, and he was sitting there as innocent as a baby, whit- tling a stick. They all four of them stared at him, and then they heard the regular dip of oars, the . creak of the shafts in the oarlocks and the. splash of the water. They never suspected Dick of-making those sounds for his face was.as motionless as a block of marble. “ Hi there, I've got them lines now, swre enough.” i That was the sheriff, and he was coming along the river in a boat. That is, the four fishermen thought he as. As a matter of fact, there was no sheriff, no boat, nothing. ” They all hauled up their lines in a jiffy ‘and leaned over till they nearly fell off the stringer. : “Gee! that’s funny, where’s he epee y “Tl swear I heard him! Didn’t~ you, Jake?” ; ‘* Of course I did, but where is he now?” “Hanged if I know,” and. the fourth fel- low got up and crossed to the other side of ine ridge to look for the sheriff and his oat. 3 “That's mighty funny,” he muttered. ‘Where is he, anyhow?” _ “ Help, help! I'm drowning! . It was a girl’s voice, and came from the river. 55 All hands chucked off their coats and e _ When in sight. f : Girl, boat. sheriff and all ously disappeared. ’ into the river ina jiffy. — % they came up there wase’t a thing — " had mysteri-

Page 7

“T'll be durned!” saia all four. ** Well, fellows, I guess I'll be going,” said Dick. ‘‘ Hope you ae your bath and that you'll catch lots of fish.” Then away he went, whistling and whit- tling, leaving those four wet and very much puzzled fishermen to wade out, after look- ing in vain for the drewning girl. . “That'll pay for the tumble dad got,” muttered the Parson’s boy, as he crossed a, field. ‘*Golly, but how scared they looked. That was the best fun I’ve had in a week.” The Parson came home just before sup- per time, but Dick was at a chum’s house, and nothing was said about the upset. Those two} chumps, Hiram and Rastus, reported upon their return that Dick had | WE; hod carrier No. One, . x ‘Goff mah /haid, yo’ big, Tish loafer!” bawled’ Pete. ” ‘ “For heaven's sake, phat are yez doin’ entirely ?” cried No. Two. “Phat for do yez be shakin’ the ladder that way, anyway ?” ; Phen Pete managed to get his head out, and the man jumped to the ground. On the instant Pete sailed into him, goat. fashion, and floored him. t *Och, murther! I’m kilt!” howled the fellow as he sat down, neatly doubled up. Then Pete shookhimself, and looking up, saw_the first man laughing at him. “ Vere a big. black chump !” ; That was too much for Pete. : He could not understand it, but he did understand that the man had called him a chump. ; » Of course he nevér tumbled to Dick, who sat ona pile of bricks whistling, ing so full of laugh, did not have time to et out of the way. : Smash | af Down, he went in a'sécond right.on top of his friend. bay . sre apre there was an Irish stew in just about two shakes. k “~ \ 7 He went for thai first Irishman, who, be- — - Both men began pummeling each other — ene Prony | Ve ’

Page 8

id PSL TSS CER - sinse.” Fen Se inh went _ Each thought that the other was the coon and both meant to give him a pasting. They got on their feet at last, but went on pounding just the same. At it they went, hammer and tongs, and the air was blue with lurid remarks, Pete saw what had happened and he be- gan to laugh, fit to kill himself. “ Yah, yah ! look at dem two Vishmans !” he roared. ‘‘ Glory fo’ goodness, neber see anyfing like o’ dat. Dat am de bes’ ting yet.” “More brick!” yelled the voice of the brick layers. That is to say, the hod hustlers thought it was he. THE PARSON'S BOY. and up went the two men on-the keen jump. Thump ! Plunk! Down went the two hods in a hurry. The bricklayers went right on with their work and paid no attention. ** More bricks, you loafers, and be quick with em.” The two fellows had hardly set foot on the ladder to descend when this order came. Down they flew and up they went again in a hurry. “What in thunder are you fetching so many bricks for?” demanded the boss. “I told you [had enough. I want mortar.” \ A over the cellar for the parson, and had not found him. ; “ Wharam yo’, Mis’ Rich’son?” he final- ly asked, coming out. “ Moved, it's the first of May, of course.” * De fusb ob May, am it?’ muttered Pete, looking around. “Whar am yo’ fader, Marse Dick?” M3 p in the bwilding, you donkey.” ** Oh, am dat so? 2ckon I go look fo’ him.” Up he started in a hurry just as the two Irishmen were coming down the same way. f There was a collision, of course, and Pete They broke away and began to fill their hods with all despatch. “Tish loafah, big liah.” “Wait tillI aren’t so busy and I'll par- lyze ye for that.” | } **Go an ye big black robber, yez have no “< Hurry up with those bricks.” UP the ladder went those two Micks, as tigh as they could jump. : ‘Come on, Peter, I want you.” That was the Parson’s voice, sure enough, and the coon looked around for the man : ate Pi here yo’ fader, Marse Dick?” he ask- ed. os a here, you old fool. Can't you see me?” \ yey | The spend came from the basement and ete. tee - Down the ladder came the two hod car- | riers, having just deposited their loads above. hae _“ More bricks, you Micks !” : _‘‘ Begorry, they must be in ‘a hurry for 2): Caan a ‘* Be jabers, they do use thim up fasht cs were slammed into the hods « The two men looked at each other in surprise. “Troth,; yez have been yellin’ ‘more bricks’ for the lasht tin minyutes.” ‘Sure, ye’ve been giving us no rest at/all on them bricks.” ‘“* Never said nothing about bricks” mut- tered the boss. ‘‘ What do you suppose I want so many bricks for, anyhow, when we're only laying two or three chimneys? This ain’t a brick house, you fools.” * Ay yez-didn’t want thim for why did yez ordher thim thin?” ‘Sure, yez have uz rinnin’ our two legs off for ye, callin’ for more bricks ivery two seconds.” The boss looked mad, chucked down his trowel and said : “For two pins I’d chuck you off the lad- der. Go on down and fetch up mortar, you gillies.” * ** Go to the divil!” The two hod-carriers seemed to say this, © but it was only Dick on the pile of bricks. “Go to the divil, willl? Well, I guess not,” and that mad chimney builder hus- tled those two Micks off that building in a . hurry. Meanwhile Pete had been hunting all , ey a Px : ite ean | fez Upon the instant that Fan heard the familiar command, off she started at her usual pace. but gratifying to the Parson. The sudden start was too much for his equilibrium. The result was anything Over he went. Fy) sat down ab the foot of the ladder looking very much used up. r The two brick-wrestlers would have pitched into him again but the boss yelled out to them to hurry up with the mortar and there was no time. Pr Nr One of them filled his hod ahead of the other and started up che ladder. _ The second was only a. step behind whe Dick yelled out, imitating the boss : wee ** Look out! The b ris broken !” Number one gave ahowl and dropped . his hod on number two's head. The load was too much for him ahd down he slipped, using some very strong language. “hy : “Now, then, where’s that mort’ ?” This time it was the boss indeed. . ‘“Faix, I’m not going up a broken ladder for any mon.” “Who said the ladder was chuckle head?” ; { “Ye said it yerself,” broken, you — : “Yis, and Dinny chucked the fullay his hod an me. me, thin, “Faix, Vl go where I plase.” { fi “Yez had no right to be right undher — °

Page 9

THE PARSON'S” BOY. There promised to be another fracas in just about half a shake. “Fetch up that mortar, you clowns.” eS ru not go up a broken laddher for any mon. “The ladder ain’t broke.” ‘““Phwat med ye say it wor?” *T did not.” “Ye're a liar!” Down the ladder came the boss in a hurry. It was quite evident that the ladder was all right by the way he came down. “Call me a liar, will you? Ill bust your faces open for two cents. Who said I was aliar?’ / ‘*Nayther av us did.” He placed another stick on the buck and got to work, making the sawdust fly. Parson, dancing about in an excited munner. * You didn’t ?” Ta No ” The boss looked around to see if there was any one else who might have said it. He saw Dick Richardson walking at an easy gait toward the post office. Now he happened to know all about Dick’s powers, and he was one of the few who did. “Hm!” he muttered. ‘Has that boy been here long?” ‘ About tin minyutes, I suppose.” “ Yas'r, he been yer some time, but I ean’'t fin’ him fader, fo’ nuffin’, an’ I look all voun’ fo’ him.” “Hm! that boy has been making fools of the waiecr us, I reckon. Go on with our work and if he comes around again et me know.” ‘ There was no more trouble in or around the new building after that. 7 ec) § ey for It was, literally, a mild day when he pro- ceeded to work off one of his best rackets, “3 description of which will come in just ere. The parsonage was a rambling old house, with piazzas on nearly all sides of it, win- dows reaching to the floor, funny old nooks and corners here and there, and all that. The Parson's study was on the ground floor, and hada sort of glass door, like a window, opening upon the piazza, which was kept open and thrown back in mild weather. A Upon the occasion in question, the Par- son was sitting at his desk working up his ee Sunday's discourse, when along came *: Pete. ae IAN | Pete was the darky who worked around the place now and then in connection with Jonas, you will remember, Dick was also hanging about when Pete walked past the house, and he got to work at once. “* Peter, come in here a moment, I want Ou. \ It was the parson’s voice, sure enough, and Pete saw no one else. In he stepped through the open window, the parson going right on with his writing. * Fetch in a saw and a buck and seven or eight sticks of wood.” “Tn de woodshed, yo’ mean, boss ?” asked Pete. : “No, in here, you chump.” ‘““Pa’son ‘gettin’ ter usin’ bery funny kin’ o’ talk dese days,” mused Pete as he went Fe ‘““Wondah what him con’gation say to a oo Away he went, however, returning in a few moments with the saw and buck, Bi he placed in the middle of the udy. That abstracted Parson went right on with his work, scarcely noticing that any one had entered, A His wife was in the habit of going in oc- casionally when he was at work, asall writ- / yl ee _ to strike a knot as we ers’ wiyes will persist in doing, but he nev- er oa any attention to her unless she spoke to him. “Now fetch in the wood, you ridiculous ” fj coon. “Tn de libr’y, boss?” asked Pete. The Parson turned his head, saw the coon, and seemed to say : “ Ves, youidiot! Get out! Out went Pete in a hurry, the Parson's tone being most peremptory. E The good man was on his “‘thirdly” just + then and could not stop to investigate, simply remarking to himself: “What ails the man? He seemed very much frightened. I suppose he came in here by mistake,” **Get out, I tell you!” howled the Pete went right on and added, two pieces to his pile. Then he. went right on laying out_evil- doers and never noticed the saw and buck behind him. Pretty soon in came Pete with an armful of wood which he dumped on the floor. * Now, saw it up, you chump.” om ««/A’ right, boss, I do it.” ¢ ; « And dowt mind me for a cent.” * A’ right, boss, I won’t.” ; . “ Go right on, no matter what I sayor Ox, ee ay by Yer

Page 10

The Parson stood it for a few moments until Pete struck the knot. Then he jumped and looked around. There was that coon sawing wood in the study, of all places in the world. He could scarcely believe his eyes. “Go right on, Peter, Let her go,” he seemed to say. What he did say was rather different. “What do you mean, sir, by sawing wood in my study? Go outside!” Peter went right on, and in a jiffy the stick fell apart. “Stop it, I say!” howled the Parson, jumping up out of his chair. Pete knew what his orders had been well enough. He placed another stick on the buck and got to work, making the sawdust fly. “Get out, I tell you!” howled the Parson, i dancing about in an excited manner. mae Potefwent right on and added two pieces vc -to his Hue : 2 “What do you mean by coming into my study to saw wood? Go out, I say.” _. - ‘The sawing process went right on. “* . “Stop it, [tell you, stop it! What ails the man? Is he crazy?” — There was a dandy pile of sawdust under } the buck, and it was getting bigger every moment. oe _. **Here, here! I won’t have it. You are setting me wild! Get out!” : Two mote pieces fell on the floor and Pete . .put on another stick. The Parson danced about, shouting and gesticulating, and trying to make that per- * sistent coon understand that a minister's i study was not the:proper place for such a : ‘business as sawing wood. Pete ‘was bound to stick to his first orders, however, if the heavens fell. Until those seven or eight sticks were sawed up there was no stopping him. The Parson could not get near him as the ‘saw was in his way and all he could do was to shout and dance. * Merciful heavens, are youmad? Stop know any better than that. Go away and don’t come around the place any more.” and Pete stopped. Pe as up that wood and pile it on my desk.” : te the order was astrange one but Pete ‘carried it out. . A __ *Reckon Pa’son go clean off him head,” the muttered, as he ay 2 an armful of ‘wood on top of the desk, covering u a lot of papers and upsetting the inkstan _ This was too much for the parson, and he flew out of the window as if fired from a mortar. é “Now skip, and take everything with OU. ” you. _/~- The Parson appeared to say this as he -_-went out, and Pete obeyed. ; ' The distracted man hustled himself ‘around to the other side of the house where \ his wife was fooling over some plants ina - little patch of ground near the fence. i “Did you send Peter into my library?” i ** No, indeed. I sent him for a wheel- 2 barrow and some earth.” ; iS ~**¥ou did not tell him to saw up some 7 sticks?” 4 ‘No, indeed.” “Then he must becrazy. He can’t work here any more.” _“ Why, he is the only sober man we ever hhad on the place. He’s better than Jonas.” : “Hm1!' Jonas wouldn’t dare to saw epee in my study in spite of all my pro- tests.” ¢ ‘Why, Elder, you must be dreaming. _ Pete would never do that.” : , ‘Oh, he wouldn’t?” cried the Parson, in as y etd a tone as he could assume, being na peal very mild-tempered. ‘‘Come and see if. he couldn’t?’ - Mrs. Richardson followed her husband to the study. . ' Wood, saw, buck, sawdust and every- thing had disappeared. ) There was a spat of ink on the carpet and that was all. >. as if anybody had been _ “Tt doesn’t look - sawing wood here,’ It certainly did not and the Parson look- Eh ete =. * Mish imagi . ae dt Bek f eM e: SF ge a” Eee ae aoe ae - that Isay or I shall go crazy. Don’t you . At last there was no more wood to cut’ od pean ae eke “It is very “strange,” he mused. | ‘It doesn’t spams possible. thet could have \ “Go and help Mrs. Richardson.” Off went the coon and the puzzled Pat. son remarked : **T don’t know how to account for it, but this is some of Richard’s work, I am sure.’ “That innocent boy!” cried Dick’s mother. “ Impossible! Why, he went to the store an hour ago and has not returned, and he wouldn’t do such a thing if he had. You are always blaming that poor boy for something.” The Parson said nothing, but proceeded to gather his scattered thoughts so as to go on with his sermon while Dick took a stroll in the woods and set all the birds crazy by imitating the cry of a hawk and making them think their homies were in’ danger. Hiram and Rastus heard about the wood sawing racket and, thinking to gain favor with ths Parson, told him that they had heard Dick tell Pete to play the snap on him. They lied, not like gentlemen, but like a couple of chumps, further declaring that Dick had paid the coon a dollar for working up the job. Their lies did not do them any géod, however, for Dick’s mother would not be- lieve thém, and the Parson wastoo busy to push the matter just then; afterward it slipped his mind. Dick overheard the two brothers giving him away, being in his own room over the study, with the window open at the time. “Those gillies make me tired,” he re- marked; “‘and they haven’t. got onto the yi’ the thing was done, either.” e made up his mind to give those two sneaks the razzle-dazzle, and that very af- ternoon he did it. Hiram was in the barn fixing a fishing rod, his back to the open door, when he heard his brother say : ‘ * Vowre a pudding-headed chump, you are, Hiram, and I have a mind to break your jaw!” Hiram turned, bufisaw noone. “Tl see whether he'll break my jaw or not,” he muttered. * Ah, go on, you stuff. You're no good.” slant looked all around, but didn’t see a soul. Dick was-right under the window out- side, and he knew how to throw his voice to a nicety. _“Tl staff you, Rastus Diggs,” growled Hiram. “You ain't man enough. I can lick you with my eyes shut.” That-rattled Hiram, and he rushed out with blood in his eye. : He heard-his brother's retreating foot- steps, heard a chuckle, heard a stone whizz ast his ear and go bang against the wall, ut saw nothi a f ¢ “Tl thump*that duffer in the jaw for that,” he | Saat yl : Presently, upon going towards the house, he saw lying in a hammock out on : { ees Fe ie Sas f By = ee ’ on the sinfulness of fighting, That was his opportunity, and he stole without being observed. 7 The other chump was asleep and knew nothing about it. — What he did know was finding himself suddenly flopped out of the hammock on the ground. ‘Call me a pudding head chump again, will you ?” ““T did not.” “ You're a liar!” Each thought the other said that, for their voices were very nearly alike. Rastus was mad for being chucked out of the hammock, and Hiram was mad for-be- va told’he lied, he two sneaks pitched into each other red hot and sizzling, and both got in some dandy thumps. Dick took it allin from a corner of the house and felt very glad. He occasionally put in a word to help the thing along, too. “VYowre a mean sucker!” Se i punch your stupid head!” “You're no good, you sneak!” Things were presently at fever heat, and both brothers got black eyes and bloody noses, They only stopped when the parson ee age tocome along and caught them at if. ‘They were sweet looking pills for three or four days, they were, and Dick smiled grimly to himself whenever he saw them. Neither could tell how the fun be and they would not speak to each other for two days. ; The parson gave them a good long lecture fw and they had to swallow it, for they could not lie out of the thing, having been caught dead to rights by the old man. ‘hey had the fun, too, of staying on the hare until their eyes and noses resumed heir normal appearance, and missed lots of good times in the village as a conse- quence. The parson’s wife was a particular soré of woman and she wasn’t going to let any nephews i saan ed to her appear in town with discolored eyes and Rennused noses: if she knew it, Those two young sneaks were therefore sent to Coventry as it were, and it was a couple of days before they got at the bottom of the thing; videlicet, how the scrap originated, Then Hiram told his version, and Rastus let out the truth on his side, the result be- ing that they both pitched upon Dick as the cause of the disturbance. They were too.cussed mean to see that the fault lay at their own door, and that Dick was only pene back on them for their previous freshness, or, at all events} if they saw it, they would not acknowledge it, which figured up to the same ihe 3 They swore to get even on Dick, but that merry young fellow did not lose an ounce of flesh or a moment's sleep over it, and they duly informed him that he must ex- pect some terrible revenge. “Go walk on Leena "he flippantly re- marked, when the message of the declara- tion of the vendetta was delivered, and that was all he said, The period at which those chumps would et the best of him was about as remote as > it takesa woman to sharpen a led pencil without making’ chips of the whole busi- ness on the time required to honestly fill one of your patent pocket banks for dimes, fill it squarely { mean, and not by borrow- ing two or three dollars for a few minutes, so that you can work the combination on the thing, and get out what you have fool- ishly put in in a burst of over confidence in your ability to save five cases worth o coin without interfering with the vaults, In other words the time when those gil- lies would get hunk with Dicl in a decent © wey was very remote. T e best of it was they did not. know how he worked his little rackets, ‘Hiram suspected that it had something to do with ventriloquism but Dick was such agenius, such an adept in the science, that neither Hiram. nor Rastus could begin te understand his capabilities in that direc- ‘ion, i ; te > That young scamp Dick, was always practicing and was a Jim-dandy atit. He could imitate any sound made by any- \ es i 2 — aro

Page 11

ree q +o Seer pie THE PARSON'S BOY. thing above, below or on the earth and eardet put voice in a stick or a stone, a bird or a tree,and I verily believe he would have puzzled Old Nick himself, However, we will take all that for grant- ed and slide on with the story, for that’s the thing, as Shakespeare and myself would Bay About the time that Hiram and Rastus got over their black eyes, Jonas the hired man was out behind the barn weeding out a strawberry bed or something.of that sort ee cgammond he heard the Parson calling to im. “Jonas, I say, Jonas?” _ ° “ Wall, whatisit?” asked Jonas, looking Cn at an vinegar, flour, potatoes ——” He could see the Parson sitting in a window and supposed of course that it was he who had called. 2: t “Right where you are digging there is a chest of gold hidden in the ground.” ““Shucks! Yu don’t say!’ “ Yes. Digitup and you can have half.” Jonas did not need a second invitation, you can bet. He was not extra fond of work, he wasn’t, but when it came to digging up chests of gold he was in it sure enough. Away he hustled to get a pick and spade and in a few minutes he was digging away for dear life, “ onas e% Yes, what is it?” ** It's only six feet down.” “Well, Treckon that’s enough,” grunt- ed Jonas, buckling down to his work Pout flew the earth and di ad de u i and deeper and deeper went the hustling Jonas in Ais search for old, Xie started in with his coat on but this _ was soon flung aside as being too heavy. before the man’s . It was not very long vest seemed to incommode him and that went off as well as the coat. f Every now and-then he would glance up and see the Parson at the window and that *would encourage him to renewed exer- tions. ° After a while his outer shirt got too hot ane sweaty for him and that was thrown aside. At it he kept till he had a hole two feet deep and the same wide. “Ti, Jonas,” presently sang out the voice of the Parson. “Well?” asked Jonas; resting on his spade and wiping the sweat from his fore- head on the sleeve of his undershirt. “Tt may be seven feet, but keep right on digging.” “Oh, it may bei poyel. hey ?” grunted ‘*Why, Parson, how. you talk! You've been keeping me running putting up butter, sugar, coffee, tea, eggs, molasses, **T’ve been keeping you running? Wonsense! wouldn’t pay me any attention till just now.” \ k Jonas. ‘ Well, I got started now and I ain’t goin’ to stop till I get that money.” Then he went right on with his digging. PART V. Qe) WEATING and grunting and hust- ~*) ling with the clods of earth, Jonas My Yes) } five feet deep and four long: ; *“ Woof! but it’s hot work!” he muttered at length, pausing to straighten up. “Wisht I had a jug o’ cider out here.” “ You keep right on at your work and never you mind the cider till you get rough.” ; Jonas could not see the window where the Parson was from the hole, but he knew that he must be there all the same. “Wall, ’m durned! I don’t see why I can’t take a nip to wet my whistle,” he muttered. ‘It's mighty dry work this is.” | However, he went at it again, shheaS out the spadefuls of earth till you couldn see him at all, but could only see the mold _ come ye aie ares ; { ‘ He had struck down to nearly six feet, the level of the ground being above his OR ee head when he stopped, when he heard the Parson calling: “What are you doing down there, Jonas ?” It was the Parson sure enough, this time, and not Dick. The Mors 3 scamp had been away, had come around again, and now he ha more skipped. This time it was the Parson, and he greatly wondered to see that hole in the ground. . Jonas looked up, saw his boss, and said : “What say, Pa’son?. Don’t you think it’s nigh on to deep enough ?” “*T should say it was, but’ what are you digging here for?’ You “Why, you know,” chuckled thé man, looking very mysterious. “But I don’t know, Jonas.” “ Why, it’s the chest of gold.” ‘What chest of gold ?” “* What you told me about, 0’ course.” “That I told you about ?” “ Yas, and I’m to hev half.” “IT didn’t tell you about any chest of gold, Jonas.” , “Why, yas yerdid. Yer said it was six or seven feet cown, an’ thet I could hev half on it.” « ' “Nonsense! There isn’t any chest of Se here. I don’t want the strawberry ed dug up like that. You've ruined it.” “Hain’t teched the strorbries, Pa’son, and this is jest where yer told me todig.” “T didn’t tell you to dig at all.” “IT swow yer did, Pa’son. Yer was sit- tin’ in the window on the east side, an’ yer hollered to me.” Hes “But I haven't been sitting in that win- dow at all, and I never ‘ holler’ to anyone.” “Wall, yer called aout ter me ter dig once» right here and get the chisto’ gold,andI’m __ diggin’ here all mornin’. hard all my life.” - “Hm, that won't hurt you, Jonas, but I ‘ te |. r A he) ea Tee oe By aor ae 14: 42 ly Never worked so

Page 12

— - around, A I neber learned circus tricks, I d art d on ~ never heard his mistress talk like that be- re . “You always do too much or not enough.” prano voice, did not tell you to dig hore, and there isn’t any chest of gold. ole up. “Hm!” grunted Jonas, looking very much disgusted. Just then along came Dick, looking as innocent as a whole flock of sheep. \“* Hallo, father, going to plant trees?” he ked, ‘That's good rich earth, isn’t it! Why don't you put in your celery plants?” «Don’t know but I will,” said the parson, “T had forgotten all about them. Jonas, you can put in the celery, but you won't want the trenches all so deep as that.” Theh away he went, forgetting all about the chest of gold and the inquiries that he was foing to put to Dick concerning it. “That's just like like you chumps of hired men,” chuckled the parson’s boy. Then he also took himself away and Jonas climbed out of the grave he had made, wiped his perspiring brow and muttered. “ Somebody’s been lyin’ or else they’s so pesky absent minded thet they can't re- member one thing more’n ten minutes, Now he says they ain’t no chist 0’ goldand. he wants salary putin. I’m durned if I know what tu make on’t.” That little bit of extra work didn’t. kill the hired man, after all, and it did the ground good, the berries and the celery getting the benefit of the extra stirring up of the soil. In the afternoon Pete was out on the layin cleaning things up, and making a good deal of tuss about it, as usual. Dick came along, saw the coon andistood behind a tree, his mother haying just come out upon the piazza, “ Peter!” sounded her rather high so- “Yes'm,” said that spare coon, looking * Stand on your head !” “ Bress yo’ haht, missus, I couldn’ do it, nohow.” ] ; “ Stand on your head, I tell you |” : “4? right, if you say so,” grunted the coon, as he made the attempt. The Parson's wife happened to turn her aze toward the lawn to see what Pete was doing, when,very much to her surprise, she ‘saw him with his head on the ground, try- ing to gethis feetintheair. . .“ Good gracious! what is the man do- oee she exclaimed, lop ! Pete got his feet up, but they did not stay up more than a second. | : Over he went on his back in a trice, “Try again, that’s very bad.” “Reckon it am de bes’ I e’n a 1 idn’, your head, missus, “Don't talk back. Stan TI tell you.” : * A’ right, missus, but dat am de bes’ I can do.” Then he tried again, with no more suc- cess than at first. The minute.he tried to get his legs up straight, over he went likea house of cards. “What on earthis the man trying todo?” muttered the lady. _ That’s the way with women; they see a thing and then ask whatitis. | * Do that over again, you black chump.” **Yes'm,” stammered Peter, who h fore. Then he tried again, resolved to accom- plish the feat or bust. : He tried to do it quick this time so as to get a good start. Just as he stuck his head on there cayhe a sharp summons, “ Peter!” r Tt eame so sudden that Peter went ker- the ground flap in a hurry, spreading himself out in the most undignified fashion. ey i ‘ . Yes’m ! I couldn’ do it, I tol’ yo’ [know- ed I couldn’ fust off.” "Do what?” j “Stan’ on my head,” said Pete, getting u igs ey mm Who told you that you could? Haven't you anything to do besides fooling away your time Tike that?” , -“Yes'm, but yo’ done tol’ me to stan’ on “my head and I tol’ yo’ dat I couldn’ do it, nohow.” : Nonsense!” “Der Tcouldn Lvas y mse iy ou’d better fill that ; ‘ | A THE PARSON'S BOY. : “J didn’t suppose you could. -What did you want to try it for, ’'d like to know.” “Cause yo’ tol’ me to, missus, dat’s fo’ hy.* **T never told you anything of the kind.” “Oh, missus, I done heerd yo’ just as plain as nuffin’,” *“'The idea! You must be crazy. Goon re Aine your work and don’t say such foolish ings.” Then she went into the house, and Pete looked decidedly puzzled. Don’ see what am de mattah wif de folks dese days,” he muttered. ‘Ef Mis’ Rich’son; didn’ tol’ me fo’ to stan’on my head I wouldn’ said so. Lain’ got no rea- sum to lie "bout it.” “ Chip-chip, chee-cheréee.” “Hallo, dere’s a squ’l up in dat yer tree. Dem’s de fellers what eats de cabbages. Wondah whar he am, anyhow?” The squirrel could be heard chirping first in one place, then in another, but Pete couldn't see him, look as he would. As he went,around the tree he came upon Dick, sitting on a bench, “Yo’ saw dat squl, Marse Dick?” he asked. - The squirrel chirped again, right over Pete’s head, and the latter was looking straight at Dick. ““Dere he am now!” and up went Pete’s head in the air. “ Buze-buzz-z2!”" * Wow! Whar dem hornets? Why yo’ didn’ told me dey was a nes’ ob ’em: some- whar ?” The frightened coon jumped back, but he couldn’t see a single hornet, ‘Whar am dey, Mars Dick ?” * Buzz-zipl” «Sounds in your hat, Pete.” ‘Fo’ goodness sakés, so it do!” and off went the coon’s straw hat ina hurry, * Buzz-22e-zipl” “Dere he goes! Golly! Wondah he didn’ sting me froo de wool. “Why didn’t you catch him, Pete ?” ask- ed Dick. | ** You're no good.” ‘Yas, Lis, but dat\yaller jacket he flew- ed so fas’ I couldn’ saw him.” ** Sss-sss-r7rrl” That was a rattle snake right under Pete’s feet, or he thought it was. He turned the color of weak coffee in a second and shook like blazes. “Ho de lawd sakes kill dat rattler, ae ees Dick, or I’se a gone niggah, shuah uw ef “Oh, you’re dreaming, Pete. There isn’t any rattler around here,” laughed Dick. “Yas dey is, yas dey is, Marse Dick, "cause I heerd him plain nuff,” cried Pete, still trembling. Pa iP you’re dreaming. Pick up your at.” | Pete stooped to pick up his head gear when/a warning rattle sounded right be- neath it. : That coon did not stop to argue the case with the rattler under his hat. He just turned a double back somersault. zave one terrible yell, and got out of that n short order. ‘ * Goodness me! Idon’ wok no mo’ out dere in de grass,” he muttered, when he reached the house. ‘‘I ain’ comf’able wif ho’nets an’ rattle snakes, an’ sech foolin’ ’roun’ me, no sah.” “Come on, Pete, he’s gone,” called Dick. ~ “No, sah, I don’ hab to go dere. I’s got wo’k in de bahn, an’ Lain’ got, no time to fool wif rattlesnakes, I habn’t.’ *sPetgril” 3 It was the Parson’s voice, sure enough, and Pete looked toward the gate. The worthy man was just driving in at the gente: ' ‘ “ Yas'r,” said Pete. ~ © Stand on your head!” “Well, I neber did see de likes ob de peo- pi *roun’ yer!” muttered Pete. er stan’ on my head all de time I frow u a rite Wondah all de folks, anyhow?” “ Stand on your head, I say !” j There was,no gainsaying a command ut- tered in so peremptory atone as that. , The Parson evidently meant business, Pete thought.. nae ‘ “Wull, I got de wall to hol’ agin, any- how?” he muttered, ‘‘an’ maybe do bet- tah distime.” — etada th) ee, ‘ The Parson was just driving up to the “Tf I got- what am de mattah wif. ‘ to hustle, for that was a bi ‘same of tomatoes.” house when he saw Pete put his head on the stones, balance himself on his hands and slowly raise his legs to a vertical po- sition, To'say that he was astonished would not half fill the bill. Even the easy going mare that never shied, seldom ran, and wasn’t frightened ab anything, even Fan cocked up her ears and looked seared. ; “What ails the man? Whoa, Fan, steady, girl, Richard?” / ‘“* Yes, sir,” and Dick came up. ‘“ What's Peter trying to do‘ “Stand on his head, as youtold him to do, sir, but I don’t think he'll succeed.” “T never told him to stand on his head, Richard,” gasped the parson. ‘Do you think I’m insane.” Flop. Down went Pete, and Fan would have © bolted if Dick had not caught her head, *Dere yo’.am, Pa’son,” sniffed Pete, ‘an’ dat am de las’ stanin’on my head Ise © gwine ter do fo’ anybody.” “T should say so,” muttered the parson. “Don’t let me see you doing anything so foolish again,” and the shepherd of the flock got out and went into the house, forgetting all about the laying out he was going to give Dick. The next snap worthy of mention which pie worked off, was done as described elow. One pleasant morning the Parson took, Fan and the buggy and drove to the gener- _ al storein the town to lay in a supply of grub wherewith to run his establishment. Master Dick was in the store when the Parson entered, where we'll explain what followed. The worthy man stepped up to the coun- ter while Dick got behind a barrel. “Twenty-five pounds of white sugar, please, in a hurry.” «All right, sir,” said the ck eginning order. : The eae concluded that he must be busy, and waited for him. “Ten pounds of best coffee, unground,” the clerk heard the Parson say, as soon as he had weighed out and tied up the sugar. “Somebody seems to be ordering very cee said the Parson, as the clerk hur- ried away. The latter was coming back with the coffee when another order greeted his | ears. “ Five pounds of tea, your very best.” “Tn a minute,” said the clerk; looking at the Parson, : ‘ Then he put the coffee alongside the sugar and hurried ib f * Four pounds of English cheese, and be sure to have it old.” “Yes, sir, right away, sir,” Said the clerk as the Parson was about to call his attention. The tea took its place with the other page and away went the clerk to cut a hunk of cheese. U “ Four pounds and three ounces. Is that too much?” he asked. “ No,” came the answer from the Par- son's corner, “and bring one of those sides of bacon while you're at it.” That clerk just hustled, for the Parson's — order was the biggest inmonths. |. ** Reckon he’s had his salary raised or is expecting company,” he olen Bifty ya aa of the best flour,” was the next thing he heard, as he was coming up with the cheese and bacon. “Yes, directly, you'll get it all in time,” he said, with a very fine and large smile, Dear, dear, I did not suppose he would be so busy,” muttered the Parson, as the clerk skipped out again. “‘I wonder if the other clerks are all occupied ?” He looked around to see if there was any better chance with any one else, and while he was at it his man plumped a big bag of coffee down in front of him. ‘ “Six cans of condensed milk, the very e. ay “Yes, Parson, right away,” said the clerk, as the Parson turned to catch his eye. ; “Really, I wonder if I can’t find some one else?” sighed the patient man, as he turned 4 around again, sf ai “And sia of those canned, peas and the a} 4 t

Page 13

LA THE PARSON'S BOY. ett, ~ *“My goodness! The Parson is really lay- ing in a stock,” thought the clerk. ‘ And don’t forget two dozen fresh eggs.” This was said_as the clerk was putting down the canned stuff. The best of it was, Dick gave those orders in a_ tone heard perfectly by the clerk, but not by the Parson, who was a bit deaf. The pile of stuff on the counter in front of the Parson began to grow, and he won- dered how much bigger it was going to et. € “Somebody must be buying provisions _ for a three years’ “cruise,” he muttered, as the clerk went away to get the eggs. “Ten pounds of butter, while yow re over there, Mr. Jones.” Mh Sy Ve ees pausing at last before the Parson and mak- ing out a bill. “Oh, it’s all is it?’ muttered the good man. ‘ Well, I'm glad of it. [had no idea you were so busy. Will you wait on me now ?” ss You'll have the things sent up, I sup- ose ?” “No, I'll take them with me in the buggy.” i * Bub it won't hold them all will it? Better let us send them. Shall-I charge them or will you pay now ?” : “Oh, I'll pay for them. I never like to - have things charged. Let me see, I want seven pare of sugar, a pound of coflee, a small bag of flour, a——” ne “Upon my bie Bs Jones, I won't—” There was trouble brewing; in fact, it was right on the boil. PART VL THE proprietor of that big general store was a member of the church, although he was not one of the Parson’s flock. Mr. Jones was also a member in good standing. The other clerks present could answer guilty to the same count. For all that they were not going to stand there and hear themselves called liars, if they knew it. r. Richardson was a good man and a j ** There!” cried the storekeeper, at the top, shaking his fist and getting very red in the face, «don't you dare to “Well, he is bound to get enough, I should say,” chuckled the clerk, . _ He had not made such a sale since going into the store. If he made many more like that, he would ask fora raise of salary. SA yells of molasses, please.” “All right,” and the man dumped the butter down. ““Can’t you wait on me pretty soon?” asked the poor Parson, as the man hurried bays ‘ .‘ Certainly, certainly, just as fast as you give me the order,” answered the clerk. “And a quart of vinegar.” a oat unny. I thought he made his “And a bu * All right, little time.” shel of otatoes.” Mr. Richardson, Give me a It kept going that way. for ten minutes. As soon as € man got anyway near the eounter, he would have a new order. Every time the Parson thought the man was ready to wait on h suddenly hurry away. At last there was a pile of stuff on the counter as hi “Is that all?” asked the smiling clerk, — Bae te ATS h as a man’s head. vie ty ait Sv poate - ee 2 Se im, the latter would ‘*But you've ordered all those things al- ready,” said the puzzled clerk. : “T haven't ordered anything till this minute.” “Why yes youhave, I've been waiting on you for the last twenty minutes.” ““You've been keeping me waiting, you mean. I haven't had a chanceto order any- thing till just now.” “Why, parson, how you tall! You've been keeping me running putting up ‘but- ter, sugar, coffee, tea, eggs, molasses, vinegar, flour, potatoes—’ “T’ve been keeping you running? Non- sense! You wouldn’t pay me any atten- tion till just now.” The proprietor and two other clerks now came up. The first one was getting excited. “Yes, have. You ordered all this stuff, and_you wouldn’t let me stop a second.” * Nonsense, I did not.” f “Tf you hadn’t ordered it, Mr. Richard- / son, it wouldn’t have been put up.” “But I didn’t.” “Certainly you did.” SYowreahar! 9 ‘* Really, parson, I can’t-—” “ You're all liars !” eall us liars again, if you are a minister!” ‘ minister, but he could not call them liars for nothing. They were all agreed on that point, “ We are not liars!” snorted the boss, “ Yes, you are.” vial WS “Tf you don’t want to fake this stuff you ' needn't, but——” “Go soak your head !” : Rc was too much for the boss of the place. . ; . He said a few hurried words tothe clerk behind the counter, and to one infront of it, and in a jiffy, before he knew what he was about, the parson felt himself rudely seized and hustled from the door. : That was not all of it, either, forhe was then flying down the steps, and I am not certain that the proprietor’s boot did not. ‘have something to do with it. At any rate, the good man was fired out, Down the front steps he went, Hite feo bump, fetching up at the bottom very mu shaken, and hustled. “There!” cried the storekeeper, at the top, shaking his fistand getting veryredin _ the face, ‘don’t you dare to callus liars again, if you are a minister !” i eawres \ Then he went in, banged the door,and — 7 began waiting on a customer, ‘ ty i

Page 14

Master Dick skipped out by the back door, not caring to be seen either by his father or the storekeeper Dee then. One or the other might have suspected him, although neither could have given very clear reasons for their suspicions. Dick went off to find fun in some other quarter, therefore, and the Parson picked himself up, feeling very much ruffled and decidedly indignant at the treatment he had received. He did not ask for any explanation, but went off to a rival establishment and nought what he required, while the clerks in the big store amused themselves by put- ting back the stuff that littered the coun- r. The Parson declared that he would never trade at that store again, and he didnot do so for several days, until his wife, not know- ing of the disturbance, called in to make some purchases. * The boss was rather short to her, and she went away in a huff and complained to the Parson, who by this time had forgotten all about the hustling he had received. He complained to the boss, and the latter reminded him of the incident of a few days previous. “Ah, yes, to be sure, I do remember something about that,” said the Parson, “but as you were in the wrong, I do not see why you.can take the stand you do.” . “Tam in the wrong?” repeated the other, - “* Why, you ordered:a lot of things, refused to take them, and called us all liars.” The Parson’s surprise was fully expressed _in his face. “Why no, I didn’t. I don’t know who ordered the things, but I didn’t. What could I do with all that stuff? So far from calling anyone liars I was denominated one myself, and then rudely ejected from the store, I, a clergyman, and I: had scarcely spoken ten words and could not get any attention.” : “‘Tt’s very funny,” said the other. “Mr. Jones said you kept him running from one part of the store to the other pu Oe orders and giving him no time to breathe.” “Really, did nothing of the sort,” _ gasped the Parson. “I thought Mr. Jones was ea and went to give him my order when he began flying around, piling ps quantities of all sorts of things on e counter and constantly telling me to wait a moment and not be in a hurry, and at last asking me if I wanted that wagon load of things sent to the house, when I had not had a chance to order a single article.” eae The boss: was not excited now, and he could look at the matter Ppeeae but he could not make it out for all that. He could not doubt the Parson’s word, but neither could he question the evidence ef his own ears and there he was, up a stump. ‘““Was my son, Richard, anywhere f Ete at that time?” asked the Parson, at en h. ‘“No he wasn’t, but what has that to do with it?” “T don’t know,” said the Parson, medi- tatively. “I wish I did. I am afraid Richard is mischievous.” “What? that innocent boy!” cried the store-keeper. ‘‘ Why, he isn’t mischiev- ous. It's his cousins who make all the . trouble.” : “T don’t know,” said the Parson. ‘My . wife says the same thing, but I can’t quite understand itand I don’t know whyI don’t.” Friendly relations were once more estab- lished betwéen the church and trade, but the little affair of the bouncing was never really explained for all that, Dick continued to enjoy himself "and no- body had yet tumbled to his little game nor did they seem likely to do so. - It was all in the merry month of May and the summer was on full tap, notwith- standing the calendar, full trim and everything growin, - mad, Dick’s spirits being on a level with everything else when the following cir- cumstances took place. To start with, there was a sewing circle at the parsonage. kage? | For the benefit of the uninitiated, I will state that a sewing circle is a gathering of _ old maids,- confirmed gossips, married women of a talkey disposition and a very __ few sensible girls, drawn together for the a ( : pir \ { the trees Pons oe ‘ ike the thing as anybody. THE PARSON'S BOY. ostensible purpose of making undergar- ments and hemstitched handkerchiefs for the heathen in foreign lands, That is what the old girls are supposed to go there for, but the real reason is so that they can swap recipes for making in- digestible cake and unpalatable pies, gos- sip about those that are not present, and do some of their own neglected sewing. There was such a convocation at the par- sonage, and Mrs. Richardson was the chief offender. Dick was barred out, of course, although he would be let in at supper time and be allowed_to sit in the parlor afterward along with the men folks who came after their wives. Nothing but steel walls and spring guns could keep that young fellow out, however, and he managed to get as much fun out of The room where the old hens did their cackling overlooked the garden and, the weather being mild, the windows were left en. That was enough for Master Dick and, when he came home from school he ens- conced himself behind a big lilae bush right alongside one of the windows. As a starter he whistled like a canary in amanner to fool that sweet singer himself. “Oh, just hear that bird!” gurgled a gid- dy young thing of forty-four. “‘I doso love irds. “ Quail on toast, you mean,” said another er woman, apparently an old girl near the window. s Then the canary bird drowned all ‘other sounds, or some unpleasant remarks might have been heard. In a few minutes a crow was heard utter- ing his melodious but somewhat hoarse notes just outside the window. “Dear me, hear that crow,” said the old gal oy the window. * Yowre an old crow yourself,” the forty- fourer seemed to say. “Really, Miss Fiz, ig, I can’t allow ‘you to make such remarks.” . ? * Ah, shut wp, both of you,’ the quiet Mrs. Richardson seemed to Se The two ladies looked surprised, but said nothing. Ae a parrot’s voice outside remarked shrilly : «AN, there, girls, how goes it ? ( “Where is that horrid parrot?’ asked Miss Fizgig. ‘ “ He’s very Fuzztopp. “Why, we haven't any parrot,” said the hostess. “Come here, yu durned Poll, I've got yu naow,” That was Jonas outside the window. Then there was a flutter of wings, the yells of a frantic man and the sharp scold- ing of a parrot. ” disagreeable,” added Mrs. Dick did the whole business, but it was so natural that the women all ran to the window to see the fuss. Nohody was in sight and they all con- cluded that the man had taken the cap- tured bird away. ~ | “‘ Good-by, girls, see you later,” called the parrot from around the corner. The belief that a parrot had uttered the uncomplimentary remarks they had heard, acted like a balm upon the ruffled ees of the ladies, and they resumed work wi smiling faces, Presently, however, there came another interruption, and a most startling one. “< Squeak !” , * Oh—wee! look at that mouse !” * He's right under your chair.” “Owl! kill him—kill him !” “ Squeakt!” : The squeaks and the three different ‘voices were all done by Dick. . The old girls were scared out of their wits, however. : Such a hustling and scrambling you never saw. Dick would like to have seen it, but he enjoyed it all the’same. ou never saw such a gathering up of skirts, or such a scrambling to get upon chairs, sofas and tables. Maybe you don’t know what a panic one poor little inoffen- sive mousie can create among a lot of big, able-bodied women, There was a first-class low barometer, { \ \ X high temperature cyclone in that room in two shakes. “Wow! thereheis !” “ He's climbing up your dress !” “Oh, Lord ! take him off !” That raseal Dick only added to the con- fusion, for the women made noise enough in all conscience, Miss Fizgig jumped on the piano stool, and it immediately whirled around and de- posited her in Mrs. Fuzztopp’s lap. The latter lady was sitting on the arm of a big rocking-chair, her feet drawn up un- der her. When the old maid sat on, her there was a smash up. ; Over went both women, chair and all, and. such a screaming you never heard, If there had really been a mouse in the room, he would have been scared to death. It took ten minutes to get those badl rattled women quiet, and the mouse faile to materialize after all. Nobody knew who had started the scare, for everybody accused everybody else of do- ing it. a I don’t believe there was any mcuse in the first place,” declared Miss Fizgig. “You hollered first, you old aid igi came from the corner where Mrs. Cotton- sox sat. “You shut wp, or youll get fired.” Dick knew that both women were glar- ing savagely at each other, although he could not see them. Rap-rap-rap-rap! That was a loud rap on the door, “Who's that I wonder ?” ** Come in.” , Nobody came in, however, and the hostess went to the door. f No one was there and a laugh was heard out in the hall. . “It's that bad boy of yours at his tricks,” came from Miss izgig’s particular cor- ner. “My boy, indeed!” snapped’ Mrs. Rich- rede ap “That innocent child never plays ricks.” “Ah, go West! He's the worst boy in wn,” * Really, Mrs. Fuzztopp, I can’t allow you to say such things of my son.” “ Why, I haven’t said a word.” “ Yes, you have, you old guy,” was Miss Fizgig’s apparent observation. ‘Lorinda Fizgig, V’ll trouble you to keep your remarks to yourself.” ee **T never said a word to you.” You did so, you old rag bag,” came from Mrs. Cottonsox, : **Oh, oh!” remarked several others, “Ladies, I am astonished,” said the host- ess. ‘I never heard such language.” “* No, but the Parson has, you bet.” The remark came froma corner where there were a dozen or more women, but no- body seemed to know who had said it. “ Yowre all & lot of jays,” was the next remark, evidently from the lips of. Mrs. Richardson. Then all hands began to talk, all at once. and Dick did the canary bird act again and shut them all up. After that he skipped out, not caring to bust up the whole business, as he certainly would have done if he had remained there much longer. There was not that fresh effusiveness and general feeling of good nature prevail- ing among the ladies after he went away, owever, as had been noticed before he came. ¢ There was less talking, too, but there was more work done, so perhaps it, was just as well that the young scamp ‘had been around. { It was not very many days after this . that Dick was down in the village on an errand primarily, but on the lookout for fun just as much. . 4 It had rained like all possessed the night before and the road at a point near the post office had been gulched out to a depth of three or four feet and five or six long. _ The place had been temporarily covered with boards until it could be filled in, so as to Pai accidents. When Dick reached the place a moon- faced Chinamen was just coming along with a big basket on his arm, The Mongolians had invaded that quiet village as well as everywhere else and there were already two Jhinese laundrys Huy

Page 15

in the place, one at each endof the main street. : As Slim Jim was passing the break in the road he suddenly heard himself ad- dressed. “* Hi—ya, Jimmee, you helpee me.” The heathen paused very much astonish- ed and looked around. Nobody was in sight but a boy sitting on a hitching post a few yards distant. FHi-hi, no lookee, come helpee.” “Where be?” asked Slim Jim. * Down holee. Pullee lout.” “How you gettee?” “ Fallee lin. Man covee lup.” “No can getee lout ?” ‘“* Nopee, bleakee leg.” THE PARSON'S BOY. “ Hullee up, Jimmee, me gettee all blokee up.” The voice came from the hole if it came from anywhere. ** Why, goodness me, so there is,” said the village dignitary. ‘‘ He must be got out.” “You takee hold, we gettee out,” sug- gested Slim Jim. That did not meet the approval of the local magnate, however. “What? I take hold ofa plank to relieve a Chinaman? No, sir. Here, boy, take hold here and help this man.” “Take hold yourself, you old fraud. You ain't too good.” ; The voice seemed to come from behind, er, and get it out of the way. What are you sitting there for, boy? Get to work.” * Big man talkee too muchee, gotee big lip, allee same niggee.” That sort of broke the local boss up, and. he turned savagely on Slim Jim who was lifting a plank, “Wow dare you address me like that, you wretched Chinaman? I'll haye you put out of the town !” “Ah! go sit on atack!” Somebody in the crowd must have said that, but nobody knew who it was. : The big gun got very red in the face, and then began bossing again. However, by this time enough planks _ As he passed the tree where the Parson sat reading, and about ten feet from it, he heard a most singular order given. He could searcely believe his ears, and he looked at the Parson in surprise. : By this time Slim Jim was very much excited. He put his basket down on the ground, went over to the break and tried to look between the boards. : “Hully up, no takee so muchee time,” said the Chinaman in the hole. You would have sworn that there was one down there if you had been present, ‘“‘No gettee lattled, me savee you,” said serh ine tetera; he board en he began pulling away the boards, hough this was vA fool of a job. _ They were heavy being regular planks, in fact, and there were two layers of them, 2 ane Up, you no goodee.” foteers eepee shirtee on, me gettee you Then Slim Jim Pasa one of the planks / and sae it a yank. ~He had hauled it away, when along came one of the big guns of the place. “Here, you, what are you doing {with those planks?’ he demanded, } “Man fallee down, me gettee out,” said Jim Cees t “ Man fall down, eh? Nonsense.” ““Nopee, man fallee down sewee, me tellee you.” f F \ and certainly Dick had not opened his mouth. ; - The high and mighty citizen turned and saw an ordinary working man looking at the Chinaman. - It was he who had used those uncompli- mentary words, “How dare you speak to me like that, you clodhopper?” = * “Like what? I never said nothing.” “Don’t lie to me, sir, I heard you.” “Weard what? I ain’t said nothing.” ** Cheesee talkeb, getee me out,” cried the voice in the hole. Two or three more men had come up_ by this #ime and aJjl wanted to know what was the matter. “Chinaman fallee down hole. Me wantee getee out, him bleakee leg, no can do he- self,” explained Slim Jim. ' Then the crowd took hold and began to + pull away the planks. The village big gun did not soil his cot- ton gloves with any such menial work, you et. ‘ He bossed “the job, however, and ordered everybody around as if he owned them. “Here, Perkins, get away, let Hotchkiss do that, take hold of that little one, Wheel- { ~ had been taken away to allow of seeing; into the washout. ‘Where are you, John?” **T don’t see nobody.” “Why don’t you say something?” ““ Maybe he’s dead.” Then the village wiseacre put in his oar again. ' “Here, stand aside,” he said. “If the man is dead he must not be troubled till — the coroner arrives. That's thelaw. Go away, all of you.” A “ Ah, go bag your head, you gilly.” Could it be possible that any one would dare speak to one of the\selectmen like | that? ; i ay yet the words 4 It hardly seemed so and were'spoken plainly enough. | s The conceited old duffer looked mad and perrat asked :. . .> “Who dared to tell me to shut up? I won't have it, I that.” won't be insulted like — a ‘No. fightee, gettee man outee holee,” — said Slim Jim. “Don’t you dare do another thing till the coroner comes,” snorted old Win that wasn’t his name. “So had you ought to. be.” : ar : 3 ag, for “The man is dead,” mA) +

Page 16

THE PARSON'S BOY. ‘The old stuff could not tell who said that, , te he ,went away boiling with indigna- sion. “Come, on, fellows, let’s get him out,” said Perkins. “That's all stuff about having to wait for the coroner. The man might die if we did that.” hen all hands took away the remaining planks. . The hole was laid bare, and their wasn’t a soul to be seen in it. Hi—ya, goodeée jokee,me foolee Melican man. Hvlybody heap big stuffee.” It could not have been anybody but Slim Jim who said that, although he was looking into the hole with the most intense sur- pee pees on his pudding face. * In—ya, allee big slob, me foolee.” Even Slim Jim was fooled, ‘but he thought it was another Chinaman. The crowd thought otherwise, and in the words of Truthful James ‘“‘they went for that heathen Chinee.” } i PART VII. y T was not any fun, after having sweated and fumed and hauled a lot of planks off of a hole in the road on a hot day to save a sup- A ge Chinaman, to have the fellow that had gabe the alarm turn around and chuckle about having fooled the boys. Not only was it no fun, but the gang re- sented it as an insult. Slim Jim had called them all chumps ire stuffs, in addition to laughing at em. That is to say, the crowd thought he had, but it was Master Dick with his ventrilo- quism who had made all the fuss. However, the crowd thought it was the Chinaman and they went for him. They smashed his hat over his eyes. They pulled his pig-tail till he yelled mur- der. They kicked his basket of clothes into the hole they had uncovered. They punched him in the eye and made his nose bleed. Then they left him feeling very much broken up. Dick had gone away before this, having had all the fun he wanted. That Chinaman had stuck the Parson with a bad half dollar two or three days before, and had sworn black and blue that he hadn't. ; Dick knew very well that he had, and this was his way of solder Square. The Chinaman recovered his basket and then” went off and swore out warrants ainst Si Perkins, Bill Wheeler, Josh } Hotchkiss, Ned Newton and four or five _ others for assault. He knew a thing or two, you bet, even if he was a heathen and uncivilized. Those mad villagers were all arrested ' every one of them, and the case was hear by Squire Muddle, Judge Windbag refus- ing to have anything to do with it because the men had insulted him. ; The assault was clearly proven, and the _ gang was fined a dollar apiece and costs, _ which was cheap enough for the fun they t However, they raked up an old statute, never repealed, making it an offense to use bad language on the streets, and hauled Slim Jim up on that charge. The wily heathen paid his fine with a - shady dollar ands then’ skipped the town having had quite enough of it, and all - hands were well satisfied. Nobody tumbled to Dick’s part of the ‘affair, and the real explanation would have _ surprised everybody. : 2 ter Dick was not the fellow to give himself away, for he could have no fun after that, and having fun was one of his rincipal objects in life. , few days after the racket with the Chinaman, the Parson’s Boy got Sadie, the _ hired girl, on a string, and had fun enough out of it tolast him a week. . © Sadie was in the back kitchen doing the washing, when along came Dick and spotted her through an open window. ‘Sadie didn’t see him, for she had her head down and was knocking the grease out of one of the Parson’s shirts on a z Ds eae board, Toure NO goo! you ain't, Sarah,” the 1 Wi » j ‘ J + Oe Eee vl heard Jonas say, just outside the door, “Tm as good as you are anyway,” re- torted Sadie; going on with her work. * No, you aint, and Mis’ Rich’son only keeps you because yow re so homely.” “Go along with you,” snorted Sadie. “No man wants to flirt with a homely girl. The missus is safe when yowre around.” **Go on about your business or I'll scald you!” snapped Sadie. “Tf I was as homely as you I'd go and die right away.” “You mind your own affairs,” snarled Sadie, getting mad. Vou ain't worth your grub anyhow.” Sadie grabbed up a broom and dashed outside, intending to make it warm for Jonas. When she got there she couldn't see a sign of the man. “ Ha—ha!l you ain't quick enough !” She could hear his retreating footsteps, but she couldn’t see him. “ Ha—ha! no good!” came floating from around the corner of the house. ° : “You'll see if I’m no good or not, if I eatch you around here, . Jonas,” mut- tered that angry slavey, as she returned to her work. * Sarah eats soap!” declared a voice in the do: Wey: A eake of that commodity went flying through the door and hit the pump ten feet away. ““My name isn’t Sarah, if you please,” snapped the ae domestic, “and ri f you come fooling around yu ain't, Go take lessons.” The voice came through the window near where Dick was standing. Sarah chucked a di supposed Jonas, and getting a ducking. However, an inch of a miss is as good as sey thing, and so long as he didn’t get hit Master Dick cared nothing for the narrow- ness of his escape. ick narrowly escaped “Wissed again; you're no good,” cried the phantom Jonas from the’ other side of the kitchen. “J won't miss you the next time, you clumsy beast,” snorted Sadie. She did not, for a fact. It chanced shortly after this that the real Jonas, who had been working half a mile away, came up to the house for further orders, “* He was hot and dry and wanted a wet- ting as he expressed it. He got it. Utterly unconscious of the larks perpe- trated by Dick in his name and voice, he uEroaehe’ the kitchen door with no thought of impending danger. : Sadie heard his footsteps, and darting a quick glance through the open door, saw who it was. : Then she bent over the tub and filled a big dish pan chock full of soapy water. let you know it me. “Hal ywre no good for hittin’ nothin’, The moment thatJonas passed the thresh- old he got it hot and strong. “ Just want a drop o’ water tew——” 4 Swash! ° | He got his drop, and took one at the same time. The water went all over him and he sat down so suddenly that his hat flew off. **Gosh all hairpins! What's the matter with eae he gasped. “Oh, I'm no good, am I?’ and Sadie grabbed up a lot of wet linen. “Who said you wasn't?” “You did.” ** No, I never.” “Yes, you did.” Yu lie, gol durn yu.” j i ,Dick was still around taking in the circus. That was enough for Sadie, the last ‘re- Jonas got a swipe over the ear with a lot of wet clothes just as he was getting up which nearly staggered him. “Don’t you tell me 4 lie, you loafer !” “T never did. Hold on, hold on, what yu’baout ?” i ; Sadie was chucking ater over him - again, . ie “Out he went in a jiffy, concluding that it was safer outside than in just then. — ful of water at the, | sah.” Dick also hid himself away, having had fun enough tor one while. ‘*What’s the matter with yew, anyhow?” asked Jonas, at a safe distance, as Sadie came to the door. “Tl show you what’s the matter with me, you great clumsy gawk, if you come into this kitchen.” “What in time’s: the matter, anyhow? Be yu crazy or what?” ‘““Never you mind what am, but if you come fooling around here and giving me any more sass, you'll catch it, that’s what you will.” ‘* Who’s been givin’ yu any sass?” “You have?” “Huh! I hain’t been here for an hour.” “You needn't try to lie out of it, you shiftiess clown. Didn't IT hear you saying all sorts of things for the last half hour about me. I'm no good, amI? Well, ’'m too good for you, I reckon, you lazy good- for-nothing coote.” ‘* Who said yu was no good?” “You did, a dozen times,” » “Ohl!” “You can say ‘oh!’ as much you like, but I guess I ain't deaf. I heard you and you can’t deny it. Just keep out of here, hat’s all. I hain’t got no time to bother with you, but if you come in here I’]l take it and give you another such a scalding that you won't forget ina hurry.” ‘ Then she went back to her work, leaving Jonas very much perplexed. “Durn me if I kin tell what ails the gal,” he muttered. ‘Guess she’s looney. Hain’t said nuthin’ to her all mornin’, and hain’t been here nuther, and the fust thing she doos is to throw a bucket o’ water on me. Blamed if I don’t think she’s cracked.” He took good care not to goin or near the kitchen after that, for fear of worse dose than before from that irate hired girl. That was not all the fun that that bad ’ boy Dick had that day, by a good deal. ter in the day he ha V'll tell you all about it. The Parson was sittin under a tree, readin was greatly absorbed. Being somewhat deaf, besides absent- minded when engaged in any literary oc- ns sede he was entirely oblivious to any- thing and everything about him. The house might burn up, and, unless a cinder happened to fall upon his hook, he would never know a thing about it. Eyen then, I am inclined to think, from what Iknow about him, that he would simply brush the cinder off and go on with his reading without even looking e With sucha man as that to deal wit! there was lots of fun to be had if you we at it in the right way. While the Parson was deep in his book, along came Pete. ‘That lanky coon had nothing particular to do just then and he was in no hurry to do it either. Master Dick was in'a hammock on the piazza, presumably asleep. “Hm, Peter, what are you doing ?” Peter was doing nothing, but it would never do to. say that. 4 “Just been fixin’ roun’ de garden, sah, pullin’ up weeds.” “Go and get a ladder, Peter.” *“Yas’r, dreckly, sah,” muttered Pete, sauntering off as though he had all-the afternoon before him. © - “ And don’t slouch so, you black rascal. Hurry up.” some more and out on the lawn a book in which he ““My gracious me!” ejaculated Pete, ac- celerating his steps, ‘‘de boss get mo’ an’ mo’ cranky eve’y day. He mus’ hab eyes . in de back.ob his head, or a lookin’ glass in de book,” P Away went Pete, returning in five minutes with a ladder. ; j “Here yo’ am, sah. Wha’ yo’ wah’ me do now, sah?” by Put it up to that peach tree and go to the ee. “Yas’r,” and Pete fixed the ladder and began climbing up slowly and steadily. “Tell me how fast ing, Peter.” “Yo? mean de muttered Pete. ** No, I don’t.” . er “Dey ain’ no apples on a peel tree, tting a - the apples are grow-- peaches, don’ yo’, sah?” X "bit:

Page 17

2 Well, stand there and watch them Ow. . “Wull! If de boss ain’ clean off him base. Stan’ heah an’ watch de peaches grow! Nobody kin do dat.” “Don't you give meno back talk or Til jump on you.” “De idee ob de Pa’son talkin’ like o’ dat, T’se yery much sprised, I is. Wondah wha’ de mattah wif um.” * Now come down.” | Pete was glad enough to do that, for he could see no sense in his present occupation. He started to descend, buf had taken only a step or two before he was fetched up with: er * - THE PARSON'S BOY. **Nonsense! You are tod old to be so foolish as that.” “Dat what I tink, missus, an’ I mought break my neck.” “Come down theright way then, you fool- ish fellow.” “De Pa’son tell me to come de oder way, missus.” *““Nonsense! You misunderstood him,” said the lady, going into the house, ** Never mind. that old hen, Pete. IT tell you.” The Parson certainly must have known what he*was about by this remark. “ A’right, sah,” grunted Pete, continuing his acrobatic performance. Do as “Well, go get a spade and be quick about it.” “A’right, sah, in a minnit,” and this time Pete hustled and no mistake. When he returned with the spade the Parson apparently said : * Go dig in those flower beds, you black rascal,” “In dem flow’ beds, sah?” asked that bothered coon. “Yes. Didn't you hear me ?” *Yas’r, but dere am seeds plants in dem beds.” F “ Well, 1 want to see howthey are get- ting on.’ . . BA Maly NX A) & Fy AYa ANS ** Keep it up, squirt all over me,” he seemed to say.. Pete obeyed orders. and as the Parson got up he received © another dose plumb in the waistcoat. the Parson was wet from head to foot, “ Not that way, you idiot, the other way.” ‘Which way yo’ mean, sah?” asked the eee coon, twisting his neck so as to ook at the Parson, “ Head first, of course, you big donkey.” “Go down de laddah head fus'’?” “Certainly.” * ‘Wha’ dat fo’?” se ah you fall you won't hurt yourself.” ““H'm! dat am funny,” muttered Pete. ‘“Who's gwine ter fall, anyway ?” It was no easy matter to turn at the top of a ladder and fe down head first and Pete doubted his ability to do it successfully. Don’ b'lebe I kin do it, sah,” he called out, ““T’se shuah to fall.” * No back talk. Do as I tell you.” _That settled it, and Pete, hanging on tightly, began going down head first. ust then Mrs. Richardson came out up: on the piazza at a point somewhat nearer than where Dick was. i “ What are you doing, Peter?” she asked. “*Comin’ down de laddah, missus. Can’t yo" see me?” “Don’t come down that way. You'll break your neck.’ i “ Dat’s de way de Pa’son tol’ me to come down, missus.” He managed to slip when he was half Mie y down, for he wasn’t up to those odges. " He slid a couple of feet, grabbed the rounds, turned over, and then went fiying feet first. ‘ He landed on a soft spot and wasn’t hurt any, though somewhat scared. “ Why didn’t you do as I told you, con- Sound you?” ‘“‘ Ain’ use’ ter dem tricks, boss.’ Did yo’ fink I was brunged up in a cireus?” “No sass. Take away that ladder.” ““Yas'r!” and Pete obeyed with alacrity. “And then come back. See?” “Yas'r,” grunted Pete, wondering what big a job the Parson would set him at next. : . “Neber did see de beat ob de tings dat man make me do dese days,” he mused. ‘*Specs she am losin’ him min’, fo’ shuah.” He returned in about ten minutes, and then heard the Parson say \as-he could have sworn to in any court: — “ What are you loafing around here for, you black ostrich ?” ® “Didn’ yo’ tol’ me to come back, sah, when I done put de laddah away?” gasped poor Pete. - The water spattered in all directions, and * Pete looked askance at the Parson, and shook his head, “ Diggin’ up de seeds to see how they am gettin’ on,” he muttered. ‘‘ Fo’ Gawge, he am Rotting crazy by de minnit.” “None of yor gull, Pete. Do as TI telt you, and no back slack.” “ De Pa’son am gettin’ wuss an’ wuss in him way ob talkin’. I wondah de con'ga- LO don’ say suflin’ "bout it,” thought ete. Then he went off and began todig in the a eo the newly planted seeds re- posed. He had just stuck his spade in the ground, when he heard the Parson's wife calling him. “* What are you doing there, Peter ?” He turned, but could see no one but the Parson under the tree, and Dick in the *hammock fast asleep. “ Diggin’ in the flow’ beds, missus.” Bui grates dig up all the seeds.” “Well, de boss wan’s to sée how dey am growin’, missus.” . “Stop it, Itell youl” __ ) “Yes, missus, but'de Parson he—~” “Pete, Oh, Petel”.

Page 18

'. that vicinity. THE PARSON'S BOY. This time it was the Parson’s, if Pete knew one voice from another. ie 0 put up that spade and get out the se.” “ Deary me, dat man jus’ dribe me wil’, he do,” muttered Pete. “ What he wan’ me tc do nex’, I like ter know?” Certainly Pete had not worked as he had worked that afternoon for some time. He shouldered the spade and went off to the barn with it, grumbling all the way. He took his time returning with the hose, too. “ Fasten it on and water the lawn,” came from where the Parson sat. ; “Goodness me, it rained on’y yes’day, an’ now he wan’ de lawn watered. Neber. did see sech a man fo’ makin’ a po’ fellah« wo'k, I nebber did,” However, he had his orders, and there was apne to do but obey them. He made his connections, turned on the water, mae began sprinkling the lawn. The Parson paid no attention, but went right on with his reading, just’ as though he had not spoken. Dick was still asleep in the hammock, or seemed to be, and Pete never noticed him os HP went on giving the grass a shower ath. As he passed the tree where the Parson sat reading, and about! ten feet from it, he heard a most singular order given. ; He could scarcely believe his ears, and he looked at the Parson in surprise. Then the order was repeated in very em- phatic language. PART VII. 46 CHEN Pete passed the Parson in AiG) his lawn watering rounds, he “ery suddenly heard his employer still aegpeniy af fe cae a “* Ves, con, your black skin, w e nv eon vf” Enough said. _ Pete obeyed the order with neatness and dispatch. , Spat! Y ; ‘ The stream of water took the Parson midway between the belt and his chin, Away went his book, as if it had wings. In another instant the surprised man went over backwards, chair and all, and the water flew over his head * Keep it up, squirt all seemed to say. : . Pete obeyed orders and as the Parson got up, he received another dose plumb in the waistcoat. ; The water Ls eageciah in all dixections, and the Parson was wet from head to foot. You never saw a more astonished man - in all your life. He tried to speak, but the water spat- tered over his face and choked his utter- oe Stop, stop!” he grasped, franticall _ p, stop!” he grasped, frantica seeing his arms. “ What are you doing » ‘Master Dick slid out of that hammock and sloped from the piazza in short order. If an investigation were ordered his father would be certain to de him and might ask some uncomfortable: ques- tions. It was too bad to lose the rest of the fun, but prudence forbade his longer stay in over me;” he “Stop it, I say!” the Parson managed to say at last, when thoroughly drenched. “Cant you see what you are about?” ; ““Yasr, ob co’se I kin,” said Pete, turn- ing the stream elsewhere. , ‘Then what.do you meen by turning the hose on .me like that? You are getting more and more careléss every day.” * “T done jus’ wha’ yo’ tol’ me, sah, dat -am all,” said’ Pete, by way of explanation. “What?” j t _ The Parson was too much astonished to Say anythin else. | ew Dat anally sah. ii ; “What do you mean?’ Bia res ek eA ES SS Se SOS RN at ee ee SB RS ES Te a BS en ee eS REE “Why, yo’ done tol’ me to tu’n de hose on yo’, sah. Yo’ tol’ me two times.” ‘““Tmpossible! I haven’t said a word. I didn't know you were around.” “’Scuse me, sah, but yo’ been givin’ me o’dahs fo’ de las’ half hour, an’ bery ridic’- luss o’dahs dey was,” ‘* What orders have you had?” “Why, sah, fus’ yo’ tol’ me to climb de peach tree an’ see how fas’ de apples was rowin’, an’ den yo’ tol’ me to come down e laddah head fus’, an’ I mos’ broke my neck.” “ Why, I never said a word of the sort.” ‘Oh, Pa‘son, how kin yo’ talk like dat? I was yere all de time an’ heard yo’. Den yo’ tol’ me to dig us de seeds to see how dey was Dues? an’ I done it.” “Why, you stupid fellow, Inever did nything of the sort,” declared the Parson. eally, Pete, if you don’t stop drinking, can’t allow you to work around the place any longer.” “Oh, Mistah Rich’son, I clar’ to good- ness, hope to die, Lain’ been drinkin’ nuf- ; neber does. I’se jus’ as sober dis a a“ E fin’ an’ minnit as yo’ am yo’se’f,” protested Pete. “Then you must be going insane. Why. in the name of common sense, would it want the gardén hose turned on me?” .“Yo' sayed y’ wanted to get cooled off, sah. I wasn’ gwine fo’ to do it fust off, ’deed I wasn’ Pa’son, but yo’ tol’ me so artic’lar fo’ to doit, dat I jus’ had ter, ats all.” ; The Parson couldn’t make it out at all. Had he been so absent minded as to order Pete to doa ves 3 like that and yet know nothing about it It hardly seemed possible, and yet Pete seemed earnest enough in his declaration, A‘ this juncture . Richardson came} on the scene. “Goodness, me, Parson, what have you been doing?’ she asked. ‘‘ Wir. you are wet through. Did you fall into the river?” “No, my dear. Peter has been turning the hose on me.” € “Yas, Missus,” interposed Pete, ‘ but. he done tell me ter.” ; “TY should think you_would have more sense,” retorted the lady, with more as- perity in her tone than one would think proper in a minister's wife. “He tol’ me ter, missus, an’ I neber ax no questions.” ae didn’t mean you, I meant your mas- “Dat’s what I t’ought m'se’f, niissus, but ’s long as he tell me ter, I gotter do it.” “But I never told him anything of the sort,” protested the parson, beginning to sneeze. ; A : “Oh, missus, don’ yo’ blebe him?” cried , Pete. “Take my oaf he did, an’ he tol’ me fo’ to g6 down de tree hea: fus’.too, an’ yo’ saw me doin’ dat yo’se’f.” “Climb down a ladder head first?” re- peated the Parson. ‘‘ How absurd.” * Of course it.is and I wonder you could give theman such an order,” said the lady. “But £ didn’t.” “But I saw him.” ! ** Dear me, dear me, I can’t make it out,” sighed the parson. “Where is Richard? Has any one seen him?” | “Oh, yes, blame your own absent-mind- edness on that poor innocent boy,” snapped the mother. ‘ Dick hasn’t been around all the afternoon,” “Yas, missus, he been asleep in de ham- mock,” said Pete. “I done see him mi’se’f,” “Well, if he was asleep, of course he didn’t have anything to do with it.. How could he? You are always blaming things on that innocent boy, Parson, You'd better look at histwo cousins, I think.” “Hiram and Rastus are rather wild I know,” murmured the Parson, “‘ but they have greatly improved of late.” “The idea of putting it on the innocent boy Dick,” resumed Mrs. Richardson. ‘I’m really surprised at you, , You'd bet- ae ut on some dry clothes, or you'll catch cold.” ; } The Parson thought the same, and noth- ing more was said about the ducking. he good man really had no evidence against Dick, but he suspected him upon principle and from force of habit, while his mother defended him because she always had done so, ’ The young scamp got out of that scrape with a whole skin, as he did out of all his weft es | i ni cess rackets, but he chuckled over it to himself for the rest of the day. The two sneaks, his cousins, were not around when the thing happened, but they pretended that they knew all about it, and » told a lot of lies to the Parson, who, by that time, had forgotten all about the oc- currences. “Well, if you knew about it, you must have been just as guilty as Richard,” said the Parson, ‘‘ You can stay here and write me out the first four paragraphs of Caeser in English.” The two chumps did not expect that sort of thing and they could not get out of it on account of the Parsons absent mindedness either, for Mrs, Richardson heard the pun- ishment ordered and made them do every bit of it. They were ready to club themselves and each other when they were let out and they did have a serap in the hall interrupt- ed by Jonas who fired them both out- doors. ‘ They let Dick alone after that, for a time at least, but the young fellow would have been ready for them, even if they had wanted to bother him. He went down into the town one after- noon shortly after this, when school was out, and was standing on the steps of the big general store, when Squire Muddle | drove up. The squire had an ordinary box buggy, such as is used in the country, with notop toit,and room for another seat be- hind if you want to stick it in. This one had one seat only, but there was quite a little room behind. e Squire had been making purchases and there was a bag of meal in the tail end of the wagon, t6égether with other pur- chases, There was something else he wanted at the store, and he stopped in front, of it and proceeded torget out. ; He had just arisen, however, when he seemed to say : “Git up, you brutel” - The na, spoke, and off he started. J As a consequence, the Squire suddenly resumed his seat with considerable haste. “Get up, I say, you critter !” 4 The horse went faster, and the Squire got another shaking, for he had started to get up f ‘Whoa! confound you!” he yelled. The horse didn’t know exactly what to make of it, but he pierpes just the same. he could have spoken, he would proba- bly have jawed the squire for not knowing his own mind two minutes at a time. ! “Whoa!” repeated the squire. This time the horse aieered so suddenly that old Muddle was nearly chucked over backward into the tail end of the wagon. Then the squire started for the store, passing a couple of boys sitting on hitch- Be ee i e was thinking of something else and did not see them, but all the same he said, or they thought he said: “Get in there and drive that horse around the square.” ‘All right,” said the boys. ', In the Noun without delay, and in a jifty had started, “Hi, squire, yure hosshas run away.” A. countryman coming down the ein made this remark, SE parently, and the squire turned and saw his team being run silt with, “ Them’s hoss thieves, Squire. Go after "em, you ole fule.” ; Squire Muddle did not relish being called | an old fool, but he could not stop to dis- cuss the point now. Off he started after his horse and cart, thought it was his boss who - much to the surprise of the member of the . Farmers’ Alliance. . “What in time ails old Muddle noaw T'd like tu know? Acts like he was looney.’ Meanwhile, the boys were having a fine — time. ‘ . ) ** Drive faster, young fellers.” They thought, of course, that the Squire © said this and they did drive faster. ** Hi-hi, hold up there, you young scoun- drels!” bawled the selectman, chasing after his property. f The boys did not hear him, there being too much other noise in the stre ; and exposing his bald head, _ : k et. Away dashed Muddle, his hat flying off

Page 19

a : _know ’em, don’t 'THE PARSON'S BOY. The boys never thought of looking back or they might have seen that rattled citi- zen chasing after them. Squire Muddle was rather short-winded at the best, and such violent exercise did not improve matters. He was soon completely blown, and he leaned up against a tree, gasping like a fish out of its native element. The boys turned a corner at ‘a gallop and Muddle gave one last despairing yell at them which they failed to hear. “The young reprobates!” he panted. “T’l] have them in the lockup before night. Everybody knows my horse and buggy, A my . i Nin \ Nh for, and me running after ’em for, if they wasn’t stealing?” “Well, I didn’t see you.” “Yes, youdid. Didn't you stop to speak to me? O’ course you see me, Mr..Rich- ards?” “Yes, but I didn’t see ye then, Squire.” ““Didn’t see me when you spoke to me? Yes, you did.” “No, not then, but when the boys was driving.” “Oh,” muttered Muddle, whose brain was in a muddle just then. If anybody else had come along just then and had started on some other subject, the squire would have forgotten all about the t i PS ae So A shower of broken crockery fell on the floor. and I'll have ’em know where they be. At this moment half the police force of the town came along, and the squire stop- ped it to ask it some questions. : ‘You see them boys running off with my horse and wagon, Mr. Richards?” he asked. ‘‘ see ’em, yes,” answered the constable. ketched before they _ “You knowed all about it, didn’t ye?’ “Of course I know all about it, Didn’t I see ’em running away and didn’t Ltry to stop ’em ?” \ “Oh, they did run away with it, did they? I thought it was all right. You “No, I don’t. er?’ Wh didn’t you stop’em ?” gasped Muddle, x “$ R “TI didn’t Imow t was stealin’ any- thine?” they was’ stea y ‘ Well, you call a horse and wagon some- thing, don’t you?” “OF course,” : “Well, then, whas made you say you didn’t think they was stealiv anything ? Guess that’s something, ain’t it 2” 5 “Well, I didn’t know they. was. steal- ing.” j a What you s’pose they was going so fast act so at my table?” _ boys and his team, he was that absent- minded. _“ Well, hadn’t you better do something about it, if the young stamps have run off with yer team?” asked Richards. “ Well, I guess I better had, and I guess I'm going to. You're an officer of the law, and I commznd, you to arrest the young villains.” *“Can’t do it without a warrant, Square. Will have to go back to the post-office.” “Wrilso we will,” grunted the Squire, and away starved tic tavo of them. ; Meanwhile the boys were driving around the square/as they had been told to do. When Muddle and the half of the police force reached the store, the boys ha completed the circuit. Dick was still lounging on the steps, looking out for fun. ““There they are now, Mr. Richards, and there’s my team, Locls.’em all up.” ** Lock up the team, too ?” “Tock the team up? just No, you old “Who said anything about iccking the team up, Square ?” i "You did,” “ No, I didn’t, you old fossil.” *‘What do you mean, sir, by such vonduct? ) astonishe that you “ What's hes “Didn't say nothing You shan’t talk that way tome, if you are the Square.” ‘Huh! What's that? Laver said you was a liar.” 7” “Yes, you did. Ss Skip oul, boys. more.” The boys did not kiow what Richards and Muddle were squabbling about, but they did understand this order plainly enough. ‘Get up, Sal!” “Tet her go!” Go around tt once il (oe ne , How dare you Off they ‘dashed, right in front of the Squire. “Whoa ! Hallo there |” “ Get up, I tell you !” top ‘im ! The old nag heard that and off he went at a gallop. However, hé couldn’t keep up that sort of pace long. Around the corner came a farmer with a drove of pigs. There must be a collision if the boys tried to drive through the collection of squeel- ing perkers. onsequently they had to haul up at one side o_ the road. That gave the Squire and the constable — a chance to come up with them. Dick had had enough out of that snap and he let it drop. ““ What do you mean, you young scoun- drels, by running off with my team like that? Mr. Richards, arrest ’em.” “ Why, you told me to jump in and drive around the square.” * And just now you told us to do it over again.” : “What! Tell you to drive my horse: around the square ?” itats i ‘ “Yes, you did,” ha bas ioe ee

Page 20

have got tal we ~ ~% ** And told us to drive fast, too.” “Guess you_must have forgotten it, Square,” said Richards. “I know them hoys. They wouldn’t steal nothing.” “ Of course we wouldn't, and the Squire did tell us to drive around the square.” “Yes, and you heard him tell us to do it again.” . “That's so, Square, I did, sure enough, and that’s the time you called me a liar.” * Never did nothing of the sort, and ney- er told them boys to’ drive my team.” “Oh, Squire Muddle !” “We both heard you.” “Yes, and so did I.” The Squire scratched his head and then remarked : ' “ Well, maybe I did, but I don’t remem- ber. I want that team now, anyhow, so peu? better get out. You've sweated my orse dreadful.” The boys tumbled out and the Squire climbed in and then drove towards home, forgetting all about what had brought him to the village. **He’s a regular old woman,” muttered the constable, ‘and if he wasn’t a big gun in town he wouldn’t call me a liar for noth- ing T can tell you.” ‘ ‘I wish he'd let us have another ride like that,” said one of the boys. ‘‘ We had a dandy time.” * Yes, but he’s half cracked, I think.” “ Never mind if he’s all cracked if he let's us take his horse.” foe The Squire’s wife thought he certainly was cracked when he returned home with- out the things he had set out to buy, and with the bag of meal so jolted and banged about that a quarter of its substance was lost. : “Well, if you don't beat all!” she de- tlared, ‘‘Next time I'll go to the store myself, You can’t remember a thing.” ‘The store?” muttered the muddled Squire. ‘‘ Why, yes, to be sure [ was goin to the store, wasn’t I? I declare, I musi king to somebody and forgot all about it.. Wonder who it was?” P He had clean forgotten about the runa- ways and he could not have sworn to see-’ ing Dick Richardson in town any more than anything else, and that’s where the Parson’s. Boy was safe, for nobody sus- pected the part he had taken in the little circus, PART IX. UR young friend Dick did not cot- _ton to those two chumps of cous- ‘ins of his for just the least bit. They were sneaks and duffers and tell-tales and snoozers, and eveything else, and Dick was getting tired of them. He didn’t care about the tricks they tried to play on him, because he could euchre them there every time sneaked and spied and that sort. “They worry pop, too, and nobody likes 7em anyhow,” mused Dick, after catching Hiram and Rastus at some of their sneak- ing games, “and I think that the best thing to do with them is to give them the grand bounce. — i ‘Even after Dick had come to this decis- ion and before he could put his plans in action, those two stuffs got in another of their tricks, Jonas, the hired man, used to go off and see his girl at the other end of the town every Sunday evening, starting just after doing up the chores, ‘Lots of families in the country have only two meals on Sunday, to wit, a rather late breakfast, and. a combination supper and dinner somewhere between four and five. If a fellow gets hungry between times, and I never knew a boy who did not, he is sometimes permitted to make Hag ot on the pantry buttery, milk-room or what- ever else it may be called, and fill up on snacks of cold pie, doughnuts, election eake and such like indigestible stuff. As soon as Jonas had eaten his supper on Sundays, he would, hustle through the duties known by the géneral and very com- rehensive title of chores, get on his best togs, and hurry off to see his spoon. . m this particular Sunday the two gousins, Hiram and Rastus, put up a mean fob on the hayseeder. ay Supper was late, and there was more to: vas but they lied and | he had no.use for. THE PaRSON’S BOY. , be done than usual after it was over, and Jonas was just hustling. . He finished his job of milking, feeding the horse, getting out the wood for the morning, drawing water for Sadie, feeding the pigs, taking salt to the calyes, burning out a hornet’s nest that had been built too near to the house, cutting up kindlings, cleaning out the oven, blacking the Par- son’s boots, washing the wagon, cleaning out the stable, setting three hens, collect- ing eggs, churning and a few other trifles, and then bounced up-stairs to brush up for the evening’s campaign. First he Belg on a boiled shirt and a choker collar, tied a gorgeous cravat around his neck, hauled on a pair of check- ed trousers, donned a white vest, and then proceeded to get into his Sunday boots, which had been greased till you could see your face in them. Here is where the mean job put up by those chumps came sneaking in. | Those boots were half filled with grease. Jonas dove his foot into the right~one, grabbed hold of the straps and gaye them a jerk. : quash! 4 The grease squirted out and four or five big gobs fell upon his shirt front, his giddy vest, his gorgeous tie and his stunning breeches, “Gee whizz! What in time is thet?” he yelled, 2 Then he grabbed the other boot and looked at it. . ‘**Goldurn the pesky skunk, tu everlast- ing tarnation blazes what done thet, dad- burn him, the gosh hanged sneak!” he mut- tered, giving the boota toss across the room, The grease spattered over everything, of course, and then the boot went flying out | “Didn’t you fill my butes with soap grease, go] durn yu!” “No, we didn’t,” said both. “ Who was it then ?” ' “Tt was Dick. He wanted us to help hi but we wouldn’t.” Dick’s mother was not around to defend her innocent boy, and the Parson believed the lies that the two chumps. told about im. Jonas did not, however, and he would have thrashed the two brothers then and there, if the Parson had not interfered. When Dick showed. up, having been to see his girl, he got a laying out tats the Parson and was told that he would end-up an the gallows, that be would never amount to anything and that some terrible fate was instore for him if he did not mend his ways. I am not sure that the Parson did not predict that he would become a walkin, delegate, a congressman or even presiden ifhedid not do better, but at any rate he gave the boy a fine old wre t dow Dick did not say anything fill the old ponte began to run down and then e asked the nature ofithe offense with which he w as charged. The Parson told him and Dick looked thoughtful. pt See *“T didn’t do it, sir,” was all he said, for he wasn’t a sneak and would not tell on roceeding to give him any one else. he Parson was another lecture, looking him straight inthe face when'the voice of Pete was heard out- side: “Come yer, sah, quick, de sorrel mare | done swaller de ae 5 Sey of the window after having first shattered - a pane of glass. . hen that mad countryman hauled off the first boot, and went down-stairs to en- tera complaint. He found the Parson just starting off, having an appointment in Howlingburg that evening. .“ Look here, Parson; this here jokin’ has got ter stop, durn me if it ain’t,” he began. “ Why, Jonas, what’s'the matter?” asked the good man in surprise. ‘‘ You seem excited.” rae “Wall, gosh blast it, so would yu be if some darnéd skunk filled yu're butes with soap greace, and it went Kerslosh all over er dickey, and yer pants, and yer neckties, ‘Well, but, Jonas, you surely don Well, but, J ly don’t accuse me of doing anything of this sort.?” **No, course not, but yu kin stop it, an’I want yu tu. Now I gotter clean up, and it’s late anyhow, and it'll be dark afore I gets tu ’’Mandy’s haouse and it’s tu darned mean, but by gosh, if I ketch the feller what done this I'll lambaste him in the cat poe I will.” y Jonas, I must not allow you to use such rhe language, particularly on the Sabbath. is certainly a shame that you have been imposed upon, and there is altogether too. much mischief going on in the house. I have noticed it myself. Where is Richard ?” “Tain’t Dick what done it,” growled Jonas, “ Dick’s a teaser, but he ain’t mean. No, sir, it’s them durned white-livered sneakin’ city cousins of his’n, that’s who it is, and if get hold of ’em I'll break their moldgraed necks, goldurn ’em to goldurna- ion. “Jonas, Jonas, really I cannot allow ee to talk like that. It sounds very much like profanity.” se Maybe it does, Parson, but I can’t help it, I'm so cussin’ mad, Hallo, there's them skunks naow.” i The brothers Diggs hove in sight this minute, entering the yard by the front ate. es Young entlemen,” said the Parson, sternly, “what do you mean by playin such a dastardly trick on Jonas? Aren't you ashamed of yourselves.” “Never played no trick on him, bluster- ed Hiram. ‘“ We only just got home from meeting.” : “From meetin’, hey?” snorted Jonas. “You was in tu supper, cause I see you.” ‘Well, we went to meeting after that,” said Rastus. “There was-a temperance meeting down in the village.” . 7 ' Now the worthy man. thought a a déal of that mare of his and if any accident had befallen her he,would have gone wild. “Wait a moment, Richard, I must. see what is the trouble with Fan,” he hurriedly exclaimed, and then dashed out of the room. Master Dick made his exit by another door at the same es ; The Parson found neither Pete nor the mare, one being in the colored church a mile away and the other in the stable, and, returning to the study he did not find Dick? “It’s time I got. square on those two hoo- doos,” the hero of this tale remarked to himself as he retired for the night, “and the sooner the better.” : In fact he worked his little racket the next morning at the breakfast table. - The Parson had forgotten about the fracas of the night before, and Mrs. Richardson knew nothing of it anyhow. and it was not therefore made a pubiedt of conversation. The breakfast was proceeding quietly, the Parson reading a letter, Mrs, Richard- son pouring coffee, and Dick, sitting op+ seth his cousins, was pirugeling with a one when the Parson said to Hiram : “ That plate of yours is nicked. It’s no good. Smash it against the wall.” “Why, Parson !” exclaimed Mrs. Rich- ‘ardson, “Doas I tell the women.” * All uy ht,” said Hiram. Crash ! The plate flew across the room, banged Saoore the wall and went to pieces in a i : The Parson looked up from his letter very much astonished. pees smash that cup of yours. It's no good,” ; Why, Mr. Richardson,—Parson, my dear—you must be——” : you, sir, and don’t mind “ Do as Iitell you at once, sir.” Rastus didn’t wait for any more com- mafids. He sent his cup flying after Hiram’s plate and it met with a similar fate, Ban Crash } ; A shower of broken crockery fell on the _ floor The Parson looked indignantly at Hiram and Rastus. - ; “What do you mean, sir, by such con- duct? How dare you actso at my table?” ~ “You told us to do it.” **T told you to doit? Nonsense.” “ Yes, you did, you old liar,” sounded in Hiram’s voice, : ‘ \ .

Page 21

THE PARSON'S BOY. fee The Parson was furious, and so was his wife. The only cool one in the lot was Dick. “ How dare you call me a liar?” *T didn’t,” blubbered Hiram. * Ves, you did, you chump,” was the re- tort in the tones of Rastus. “Don’t you call me a chump, Rastus Diggs.” ““T never did.” * Yow re a liar.” “So are you.” Then came a fracas. The two brothers got up and began to thump each other. Hi : | ht ‘IGT ii q i ct «« Throw it on the table, Sadie.” “That's right, punch each other, you suckers.” A *‘ Why, Parson, Mr, Riehardson, you as- tonish me!” {: “ Shut wp, old gal,” in Hiram’s voice. “ Hold your tongue,” from Rastus. “Mr, Richardson, will you allow those loafers to insult me like, that in our own _ house?” “* No, my dear, I will not. ) Jonas. Your cousins shall not remain here another hour. “ We won't go for you. Go soak your head.” The Parson struck the bell savagely at this retort. ‘ You can’t get rid of us, you old fraud.” Hiram and Rastus, who appeared to hayé made these remarks were in the meantime busily engaged in punching each other's heads. They hadn’t said a word, having no time too so while dodging and giving blows. ick now put in some of his fine work. You're a mean sneak, Hiram Diggs.” i : oe Bash! if BS ine i Richard, call “You're a liar, a double distilled liar.” Thump! Plunk! Whack! * Tl bust your snoot.” At it went the two sneaks worse than ever. Hiram had a black eye, a bloody nose and a cut on the cheek. Rastus lost two teeth, had a swollen lip, and a black eye, and his nose was twice its natural size. , In the midst of the fracas Jonas and Pete came in and separated the beliger- ents. ‘**Go at once to your rooms and pack up!” commanded theindignant dominie. ‘‘ You shall not remain.in my house another hour, It has been nothing but trouble since you came.” “ Get out, you old stuff! We're glad to go. Yah, rats!” “Take the insolent boors away!” cried Mrs. Richardson. “I am glad they are going. They would soon corrupt that in- nocent boy of mine if they stayed.” “Not much, ma,” laughed Dick. “I don’t go with chumps like that.” “‘Tt’s all Dick’s doings, anyhow,” blus- tered Rastus. “He's a——” “Get out, you chumps,” said Dick. “I wouldn’t beso mean as to work the rackets you do, That isn’t my style.” Pete and Jonas lugged the brothers off to their rooms, and Jonas gave them each a kick as he left them. “That's tu pay fur the trick yu played on me last night,” he said, by way of ex- planation. “That mean Dick must have told on us,” blubbered Hiram. ' - You see, they thought everybody as thw down as themselves. The Parson sent Pete up in half an hour ‘to inform them that they must be ready in ii) yy ten minutes, and that the wagon would be at the door to take them to the station. At the end of the time mentioned, Jonas came up, hustled their trunks down-stairs, and dumped them into the wagon. They followed,. sneaking down by the back way to avoid meeting Dick, who they feared would be laying for them. The young fellow was not in sight, how- ever, nor did he appear up to the time they got into the wagon, and they breathed much treer in consequence. : “J shall write to your father, young men,” said the Parson; ‘‘and tell him just how you have deported yourselves since being in my house, The record is not one in Hy ii i, f : the The order was spoken plainly enough, and the Parson did not appear to have been drinking. Thump! That obedient slavey did as she was told in a jiffy. Right in the middle sof the table went the coal, and there was a general scattering of crockery. : to be proud of by any means, and I am glad that you are to be no longer with us. ood morning.” ; Then the Parson went indoors and Jonas drove the two freaks to the station. Here they met Dick, who had gone on ahead to buy their tickets. “<T've got alittle present for each of you ducks before you quit this peaceful scene,” he remarked, coming up as the brothers got out. “Jonas, take the tickets. The train is not due for five minutes, and that’s all I want for,the presentation.” Then he proceeded to give eagh of the cranks a good ucking., which was the little present he had brought them. First he did up Hiram, to the delight of Jonas, and quite up to the liking of the queen, if she had been consulted. Then he walloped Rastus, and did the job up brown, to the joy of all who wit- nessed the performance.” } *Toot—toot—whoo !” - “That's all I've got to say to you fel- lows,” he remarked. ‘‘ There comes the train. Wherever you go next Thope you'll — be wiser. If you ain’t, you'll deserve an- other just sucha licking. Now slide!” — He gave them each a parting kick, and ; ees Z sy am) : ‘ sox Cae

Page 22

- as the train came along just then Jonas hustled them both into the baggage car and dumped their duds on top of thera. + The conductor waved his gine puffed and tooted, the wheels began “\ going around, a lot of smoke rolied out, \ and away went the train, carrying Hiram and Rastus Diggs, who never more oceu- pied a place in the Parson’s household and. who are now out of this story and a good - riddance to them. _. Jonas drove back to the house, and Master Dick went to school, where he pro- ceeded to enjoy himself before going in- ~ side by beating the whole gang of boys in ‘running, jumping, vaulting, and other { healthful exercises. i ; There was a new Rripeipal in the school, the old one being Dick Ehouetst that he might as well do something to make it lively for him. | None of the boys in the school had ever tumbled. to. his ventriloquial powers, o1- though Dick had made use of them ovca- sionally without mentionins: the faci. After the opening exerdises were over with and the class work wo going on, a ‘boy oyer by an open window sang out: Say, can I go out?” “What do you want to go out for, Brooks?’ asked the pedagogue. “Ton’t want ter,” said Brooks, “Then what made you ask?” “Tdidn’t.” — g _ “Ves, he did. Come on, Brooksy;” said a voice outside the window. “Who is that?” asked the teacher. “Go find out, you old plug,” came from behind him. ‘ He turned quickly to see who had spoken, but there was no one there. “ Hi, Brooks, come out—don’t mind that old soaker,” cried the voice outside again. “Who is that?” demanded the principal. “T must know.” “Tt’s Sam Small, that's who itis,” eried a voice over to the right. The boy who had apparently pee os was one of the unpopular ones, and Sam Small was an old man half blind, with only one leg, who sometimes went around town beg- ng. } oH ae tell Small to come in here, if you _ know him, Rogers.” He don’t go to sckool.” “That's a lie, teacher. Ido. Come on, Brooks. What are yer ‘fraid of?” Go and tell him to come in at once, Rogers.” Be ey es, sir, but Sam don’t go to school. He’s an old blind man.” “Then what made you say he was the boy outside ?” *T didn’t.” **You most certainly did.” 1 TNO; sits ff Silence.” R Bt + Rogers buttoned his lip and the princi- . pal-was about to say something when he appeared to say to Brooks: faites Brooks, jump out of that window.” Bt! LY right, sir,” said Brooks, getting Dest), { Mi You certainly did say so,” continued ' the teacher, looking at Rogers and not noticing Brooks, ; : * You're another, you old jay,” said the fie Sage Sam Small outside. } at attracted the man’s attention to the window where Brooks was just pct ting out. “What are you doing there, Brooks?” “Getting out of the window like you told ‘me to. ote *T told you to get out the-window?” __asked the other, in surprise. ri “You're mistaken.” ( &Vouwre a dude,” came from the other, _ side of the reom. The principal turned to see who had made the remark, . pds a © Go on, Brooks, jump out,” he seemed to say at. the same bime. “Allright,” and out went Brooks. “Ti, ht, look out, you: jumped on my head,” was heard outside. By *" «Where i Brooks?” demanded the boss f the place, turning. — ell _ him,” cried half a dozen boys. a “7 told him togo out?” Bist Seg, ‘sir, ‘and the chorus swelled to a and, the en-, aid up just then, and - “ What you want Sam Small in here for? / ny business, “Gone out the window, as you told - THE PARSON'S BOY. He could not dispute this strong evi- dence, and so he said no more, and went on with the school work, wondering if his brain was really affected or not, Half an hour afterwards, as the boys were all grinding away at their lessons, they were surprised’ to hear the teacher say: u School is dismissed for the day. Get out of here as fast as you can.” You can imagine the noise that followed that remark, ; PART X. X VERY boy in that school grabbed his books and madeé a rush for the x lobbies where the hats and caps = were hus i The ‘teacher looked up in astonishment from a book he was reading. “ What does all this mean?” he demand- ed. as the boys began rushing out. Nobody answered him, all being in a hurry to get out. “Vere, here, where are you going? Rogers, come: back ‘here. Norton, ‘what does all this mean? Richardson, will you explain ” i You told us school was dismissed,” said Rogers. ; ; *“And for us to hurry out,” added Nor- On. “T told you that school was dismissed ?” “Yes, sir, for the day, and told us to hurry and get out,” Half the boys were out as if was and others were going. “* Did I say that, Richardson’?” asked the ‘puzzled proprietor. “ Yes, sir,” put in Norton, who was one of the best fellows in the school. ** Well, [did not mean to if I did. How- - ever, you can take a reeess for half an our. Out flew the boys while the principal sat down, very badly rattled. ““Tt’s very strange,” he mused, when the boys were all out. “ What could I have been thinking about?” * The boys were not sorry to have an extra recess and they made the most of it. They didn’t have as much time to play as they thought they were going to have, © They were playing around the schoo! house when they suddenly heard the mas- ter say. * Here, now, come in all of you.” Those who heard, looked toward the school and saw the teacher standing in the door. Nobody doubted that he had called them, but he had not said a wora, He had simply gone to the door to see what eee ils were doing, - P In a jiffy they hurried for the house, and the man suddenly boliod. “ Now then, come in quicily and no fun- ” the leaders: iieard as they went in. The master was somewhat auvorised to see them all come in ahead of (' but he said nothing, and business was rowumed at the old stand. Five minutes or so passed, when his voice was heard saying: ' * Norton, stand on your choir.” “What for?” asked Norton, ‘What's that?” asked the master, look ing oe hat shall I stand on my chair for?” *T don’t see any reason,” answered the rincipal. F ; y, Pp © But you told ine to do it.” : ““You-are mist: icen, I said nothin2.” The boys looked from one,to the other as He Shey thought their preceptor was going wild. : “ Harris, come here,” was the next order issued in a minute or two. Harris got up and went for ord. sy Well, arris, what 1s it?” _ “Didn't you want me, sir?” “No, I did not.”., “But you called me up.” ue" “beg your pardon, I didnot.” | _ Once more the boys looked at each other in surprise. : ; Rica, “T don’t know what ails you all,” said the teacher. ‘‘ You cither have remarkable imaginations or you'are playing tricks on me. Harris, you can sit down.’ : arris sat down as he was told 919 ‘here — ;no more funny business after that, Dick, | crockery. «: wife. “What did f | absurd order for? That's what 1 want i We” Leer i . a 8 = fe, hte. ae Dick did not care to rattle the H gence peda- gogue too much for one time and so he let up on his ventriloquism and gave the man a rest, leaving the boys wondering at their master’s strange conduct, but never guess- ~ ing what had been the real reason for il all. t happened about now, when the weathey was fine and every bod well and y was | hearty, that Master Dick got off another racket on his worthy dad, simply to keep his hand in. After the two sneaks had left, the Par- son supposed that things would go along swimmingly, but they did not snit him for all that. ; He couldn’t tell what ailed everybody, he declared, for they all appeared to be going: _ CYAZY. They would do the most insane things, and then declare that he had told them to do them, when he had pot opened his head. This was particularly the case with the servants about the place, and the Parson threatened to discharge them all nearly every day. : Of course, Dick was at the bottom of the mischief, and he had no end of fun, knqw- ing that his pop would not send anyone away,.as he had a habits of forgetting his anger half an hour after it had been aroused, ; Sadie, the hired girl, was one whom Dick had not bothered very much, although she came in for an occasional snap, and so Dick thought it about time he gave her an extra dose. ate They were all sitting at breakfast one es J the Parson, . Richardson and when Sadie came in with a plate of hot biscuits or something. . * Sadie, bring in a scuttle of coal,” said the Parson’s voice. “ All right,” said the girl, and away she went. owe i “What do you want coal brought in for?’ asked the Parson’s wife. ‘‘ There is’ no fire here now.” “7 didn’t know that I did want coal, my dear,” returned the Parson, looking up. “Then what made you tell Sadie to bring it in?” F 2 cS don’t remember that I did do so, my ear. : “Well, you certainly did.” j ‘But I wasn’t thinking about coal.” “You are getting more and more absent minded every day. Can’t you stop it?” ‘“ Really, my dear, [dont see that I can, It’s the servants about the place. They do the most extraordinary things.” ve Just in the midst of the discussion came that hired girl with a big scuttle of coal. Shedid not know what a wanted it for, but they had ordered it and that was sufficient. “Throw tt on the table, Sadie.” The order was spoken plainly enough, ‘and the Parson did not appear to have been drinking. ; umpl' That obedient slavey did as sto was told ina jiffy. ( | Right in the middle of tho table went the coal, and there was a general séattering of \ / \ Mrs. ‘Richardson screamed, the Parson jumped up very mivel’ astonished, while Diek pushed back his chair and jooked the picture of surprised innocence. “For Heaven’s sake, Sadie, whatare you doing?” wae ‘What do you mean by throwing coal on the table ; ** Only doing what you told me to, sir.” © Ah, I told you nothing.” : “ Way, my. dear, I heard you tell her to co th. : “You're unother; I didn’t.” * Really, elder, you use very strange lan- guage.” ‘ 5 ‘ © Why, E haven’t said anything yct, I “was too much astonished.” “lve got todo what I’m told, mutiercd Sadie, as she swung the scuttle on herarm | and bounced out. “4 “A most extraordinary girl,’ muttered the Parson. ‘ What made her do that, I wonder?” - ; i “ What made her do it?’ repeated his ‘ id_ you give her stich a * Absurd order, my dear (i “ Yes, insane, 1 might say.

Page 23

ae , 7 ** But I have given no insane orders to anyone.” “You don’t call telling her to throw a scuttle of coal on the breakfast table a sane order, do you, Mr. Richardson ?” “Certainly not. I consider it a most ex- traordinary proceeding.” eet agree with you.” of at ails the girl?” resumed the Par- sony ‘ Has she had any mental troubles?” “She only did as she was told, and she always does that.” ** Well, sos no one told her to put the coal on the table?” f “ Why, you told her yourself, declared the Jady, indignantly. “Ah, go on. Nixey.” “ Why, Elder, bow you do talk! I am surprised,” * Same here, Petey.” * Really, siry if you can’t use more ele- pont expressions, Mr. Richardson, I shall ave to leave the table.” * You can’t take it with you, can you?” “Really, sir, cannot allow you to talk like that. Think ofthe bad example you are setting that innocent boy.” The innocent one was taking in all the fun, making it, in fact, with as guileless an air as that of a painted cherub. “Bad example, elegant expressions? Why, my dear, I haven't uttered a syll- able.” ; “Oh go on, you old jay. I say you have.” It was now the Parson’s turn to be as- tonished. ‘Really, my dear, I do not think I could _ understood. What did you say I RGHeat ; as **T didn’t say you were anything,” mut- tered his wife, ata loss to account for the voice so exactly her own, which had made use of such strange words. **Oh, [ thought you did, but no matter, send for Sadie and tell her to clean up here.” ~ “You ought to have thought of that before you told her to put the coal on the oth, “But I did not tell her to do it,” cried the rattled Parson. / “You most certainly did, and Dick and Theard you distinctly. There could be no mistake about it.” The poor man could not deny it in the face of such evidence, but he was,greatly puzzlad all the same. “Tt can’t be that I am losing my mind,” he.mused, after he had gone to his study, «Perhaps I need a rest. “Isthink I will ex- change pulpits with Brother Wagner next Sabbath.” Mrs. Richardson had a private consulta- tion with the hired girl after breakfast, and asked the latter what was the matter. “There ain’t nothing the matter, Mrs, Richardson,” said Sadie. ‘You alw, ys poe me to do just what he says, and so I Cora ; “Yes, but there should be reason in everything.” : ; “T don’t get paid for giving reasons, and if he tells me to put the cage Vl do it.” Yes, but ifI tell you not to you will og in the bird obey me.” 5 rey can’t do two things at once, m’am, and whatever I’m told to do I'll do.” “Well, after this, if Mr. Richardson ives you any strange orders like those of is morning consult me first.” 4 ““Yes'm,” said Sadie, and the session closed, < ‘The Parson did not understand it, but Dick gave him a rest for the remainder of the day, and by supper time he had forgot- ten all about the events of the morning. If Dick did not bother his pop, there were others whom he. could experiment with, however, and he lost no time in evolving a first-class ane from his busy brain. It happened one afternoon a day or so later that the Parson came out of his stud with the intention of taking a short walk around the place, Jonas, was just passing on his way to the barn when he heard the Parson say : . “Go build a fire in the study.” _ The weather was not hot, but it was plenty warm enough to make fires unne- cessary. ; 3 “What say, Parson?” asked Jonas,'some- what surprised. a lites ea ee 2 THE PARSON'S BOY. * Go build a fire in the study, I say, and a good hot one.” ‘All right,” grunted Jonas, going his way. “And, Jonas?” “Yes,” for the ‘Parson seemed to have something else to say. “ After that start onein the parlor and another in the dining-room.” “ All right,” said Jonas. Master Dick was around, but not in sight. © ; The Parson never heard a word of the orders supposed to*have issued from his own mouth, and he scarcely looked at Jonas as the latter passed, and didn’t know for certain whether he had said any- thing or not. ettin’ a chill,” “The man must be mused Jonas, _ ‘‘ Fires in the house in this weather! Wall, by gosh!” However, he had his orders and he must execute them. Off he went and made up a rousing bi fire in the study, with the thermometer a sixty-five inside and seventy outside, = What in time are you doing?” asked Sadie, the hired girl, when she saw Jonas assing through the hall with a lot of Kindlings and a big seuttle of coal, ‘Making a fire in the parlor.” “For, goodness sakes! Ain’t it hot enough ?” * Ain’t gob a to do with that, The boss told me tu and that’s all that consarns ine.” . Jonas did not say that he had already made up a rouser in the library. “Well, Ireckon Mr, Richardson is the funniest man I ever see,” muttered the girl as Jonas wenton. | The Parson's wife was up-stairs in her own room, sewing, and knew nothing of what was going on below. By the time Jonas had built the parlor fire, the Parson had returned, He did not notice the fire in the library when he first came in, but sat down an went to writing. Presently, however, the heat made itself decidedly manifest, and he began to per- spire like the very dickens. * Dear me, how warm it is,” he muttered. *“Summer is coming much earlier than usual this year.” Then he got up to look for a lighter coat, and saw the fire. , { “Well, of all things! A fire in the middle of J une, and with such weather, I am astounded.’ ; Meanwhile, Jonas was making it good and hot in the dining-room. Mrs. Richardson’s room was just over this apartment, and the pipe from the stove below passed through a big air-tight drum used as a stove. She began to feel the heat perceptibly. and wondered what made it so warm until she happened to put her hand on the rum, Then she 2 longer wondered. | ’ “Goodness gracious!” she erat **Somebody is building a fire in the dining- room. What nonsense!” f Down-stairs she rushed, meeting Jonas just as he was coming out. — There was nearly a collision, for Jonas did not expect any one, and was rushing out, scuttle in hand, with no thought of meeting anybody. 4 The lady jum ed aside, just in time, and then said: ‘“‘Are you crazy, Jonas, or what?” ““No’m,” said the man, ‘but I reckon the boss is.” 5 “Don’t you know better than to make up a fire in such warm weather ?” ““Yes'm, but it’s orders.” “Orders?” gasped the lady. ° Yes'm.” ‘* Whese orders?” d j “The Pa’son’s, ma’m. He told me to make up fires in the parlor, the lib’ry and ere. “Goodness gracious! Three extra fires and one in the kitchen besides. Why, we'll be roasted.” : *Yes'm,” grunted Jonas. ‘‘ Maybe he’s sot ibe malaria, and wants to get warmed wu e. Remhe malaria, indeed! Why, he must be crazy.” i ¥ _ Away she went in a hurry, rushing into Yee the study from the hall just as the Parson rushed out of it by the window. “Parson, Mr. Richardson, my called out, giving chase. dear!” she piazza. Then both asked the same ae ‘*My dear, did you order a lighted in the library?” “Kh, what is it?” asked the Parson, see- ing that his wife had said something. * Why in the name of common sense, Parson, did you have three extra fires lighted? Are you ill?’ “I? Lorder three extra fires ?” exclaimed the Parson. ‘‘ Why, I haven’t ordered any. ‘Three, did you say? Goodness me, one is too much.” ‘* Jonas says you ordered extra fires, in the study, in the parlor and in the dining- room.” ** Jonas said so?” “ Yes.” , 7 “Dear me, dear me,” sighed the poor man. ‘That fellowis getting worse and worse every day. It’s really extraordinary the way he acts. Idon’t know what we sha]l have to do with him,” : “But he never does things unless you tell him. He is not fond enough of work for that. You must have told him about the fires.” “My gracious |” gasped the Parson, who rarely made use of such strong expressions.’ “You don’t think I am insane, do you? Three fires! Why we don’t need one.” Just then the couple went into the house. It was like an oven. PART XI. as he supposed, were now getting in their tue work. \ The heat was fairly stifling up-stairs and own. 5 The best of it was that just before the Parson and his wife came in, Jonas, in leaving the house, heard the Parson say: “ Keep those fires up, Jonas. Go put coal on all of them.” He looke that Dick sitting under a tree whittling. - Well, I’m blowed!” he muttered, as he around, but saw _ onl: POY went off to the cellar for more coal. He had fixed ‘he. library fire, and was doing the same for the one in the dining- ree when Mr. and Mrs. Richardson en- ered. by the fiery temperature, even after hay- ing opened all the doors and windows and was. _ Here they found Jonas in the actof pil- ing coal on the fire there. ; ‘Jonas, what are you doing? Stop it, this minute! "Do you want to roast:us all out?” this very natural question. emplo er, and said: _ : “Why, gosh durn it, Pa’son, yew told me jest tew minutes ago tew keep them fires up and pile on more coal.” onas, I am astonished. How such falsehoods? I never said fires in the first “Why, J ean you tell a word about making ace.” j “Yus, yew did; yew telled me tew dew it Fie walk.” pl when yew went aout fur Mrs. Richardson looke other, and searcely knew what to think She did not have the same confidence in Jonas, in regard to his truthfulness, as she had in black Pete, but then her husband him. ; Jonas earnestly, seeing the lady’s look, “I hain’t got no wish tew make the Parson in’ here that was jest what he telled me when he went aout.” : “Nonsense!” cried the Parson. thing of the sort. _Ishall stifle here. Open all the windows!” as to who had ordered the fires to still undecided. ey ete € mi 2 Be HE three extra fires which Jonas , a had lighted at the Parson’s orders, d d } “"Pon my -word, Mis’ Rich’son,” said not an idiot, Jonas. Inevertold youany- My word, isn’t it. hot! Then out he rushed, leaving the question be made She caught up with her husband on the © They had been driven out of the parlor ~ made for the dining-room to see how that. It was the Parson himself who asked Jonas dropped the scuttle, looked at his — from ohe to the - had done so many queer things of late that she could expect almost anything from — aout a liar, but just as trueas I’m a-stand- . “Tm FI uy,

Page 24

room! - Parson's black silk Soars Ub] in the closet. “work, and had knocked out his “ fifthly ” - ruptly. _ the dicer would have covered him up, He ponent refuge in the study, but here, despite the fact that all the doors and windows were open, the heat was simply unbearable. In fact it took the rest of the day and evening to get things cooled off, and yet Dick was as cool as'a cucumber shimnieh it all, and no one tumbled. me afternoon in the following week, when school was over, that same Dick eae the study windows, and saw his ad grinding away at his sermon, At the same time Pete came in at the gate, having been down to the village on an errand for the missis. *“T guess pop wants to see you, Pete,” said Dick, to the lanky nig, as he came up, _In fact, a sudden idea had jumped into that boy’s head, and he wanted to give it something to do. “ Yo’ fader wan’ to see me, do he, Marse Dick?” repeated Pete. “Yes, think so. Goand see,” Pete walked into the study, when the Parson, without looking up from his work, seemed to say : “ Pete, you black rasocil, go up to my “ Yas'r,” said Pete. * Put on the suit of clothes yowll find o’ am bery kin’, sah,” said the sur- prised coon. x “ Yowll find a shirt and all that sort o. businesstoo. Put’emon, oh lazy duffer.” “Yas'r, dreckly,” said Pete, wondering what had struck the boss to beso generous, “ Now clear out and when you are dress- ed come down here.” d “Yas'r, in a moment.” * And don't forget the hat.” ““No, sah,” and away went Pete to fix up. ; Tithe Parson had become dimly conscious that there was some one in the study and he looked up just as Pete flew up. “Tt’s very extraordinary,” he muttered. *“‘Everybody about the house seems to think that my study is a thoroughfare, and that they can come and go as the please. seem to have any rights whatever.” I donot wonder that the good man felt annoyed, for I have been bothered that way myself and can speak from experience. The Parson-had just settled’: down to with some good solid arguments, when Pete came in again. , f “TDere am yo’ am, Pa’son,” he said, ab- “ How yo’ like dis, h’m?” he worthy clergyman looked up anda strange vision met his gaze. No wonder that he could scarcely speak for astonishment. . There stood Pete, that lanky, slab-sided moke, looking like a misfit clergyman and pene an appearance comical enough make a misanthrope howl with glee. The Parson's black trousers were too short for him, but the coat was plenty long enough, and the vest gave him lots of vacant room even when buckled up the back to the full length of the straps, The choker‘ collar was a choker indeed, and with ‘the addition of a big white cra- vat, made Pete look:as if he were being nged. i “The coon had supplemented one of the ats, the best one, of course, to his outfit, and it fitted him a great deal too much. ~ Only for his ears, which were like wings, uu these useful organs prevented the hat from being an extinguisher. ° ; There he stood feeling as proud as a aoe in his master’s best suit, waiting ‘or some sign of approval from the Parson. liberties?’ cried the good minister, er “Gota ke ago, to go urd! a Aas I declare, literary people don’t ° THE PARSON'S BOY. told you anything of the sort. I couldn’t be such on idiot, I hayven’t spoken a word to you. Take them off, sir, and take yourself off. I cant have such a fool around the lace. L do. declare! everybody in the ouse seems to be going crazy.” The Parson’s excited manner and loud tones brought his wife to the study just as Pete, getting scared, was about to vacate it. ; Aide: does this mean?” demanded the addy. 7 ‘Don’ know, missus,” broke in Pete. ““Fus’ de Pa’son call me’ in yer an’ tell me to go up-stairs an’ put on de close I fin’ dere an’ den when I do he gimme fits, Can’t make it out ’tall, missus, ““ Well, go take them off and puton yonr own. You ought to have known better. You look like a fright.” “Yas, missus, but dey am good stuff, an’ I reckon if yo’ let out de pants and take in de weskit, dey fit putty good aftah all.” “Go take thém off this instant, and don’t mind what your master says in future, when he gives you such foolish orders,” said the lady, in the tones and with the manner of she-who-must-be- ent es Y That settled things for Pete, and out he went a-flying. The Parson had seated himself and had the look of a man who is all broken up. “T declare!” he muttered, emphatically, **T can’t understand it. The people in this house grow ‘worse and worse every day. Really, my dear, you will have to get new servants. Those we have act like insane persgns.” . “The servants are good enough,” retort- ed his wife, ‘but if you will tell them to do such ridiculous things you must expect them to make confusion. The idea of your sending Peter up to your rdom to overhaul your—— “But, my dear, I never told him to doit. Pray, give me credit for possessing a little common sense,” Z “He says that you told him to, and his appearance certainly goes toshow that you must have.” - * But it is so absurd, so supremely ridic- ulous, so extraordinarily nonsensical, my dear, to think that I would send him on such an errand,” “You certainly did do so, strange as it seems, for Peter says you did, and he has never told me an untruth yet.” “Dear,.dear, I can’t make it out,” sighed the perplexed Parson. ‘‘I couldn’t have been such a lunatic. Where is Richard? Perhaps he can——” “Oh, yes. You blame that innocent boy when he hasn’t been near the house this afternoon,” cried Mrs. Richardson, who wouldn’t hear a word against Dick, “You are potting to be just like those contemptible cousins of Dick’s whom we had tosend away. The idea of putting it on that poor boy when it’s only your own abstraction and absent-mindedness that’s to blame.” Then she sailed out of the room very in- dignant, leaving the poor Parson so rattled that he couldn’t think of a single thing for an hour or more, That young scamp, Dick, had heard his mother’s defense of him and he softly chuckled as he vacated the premises and went off towards the weods, He had seen Petéin his ministerial get- up, and the sight was enough to furnish him with laughing material for all the af- ternoon, \ Pete thought that the Parson was some- what off his base, holding the same opin- ion as his mistress, and when he had re- sumed his own garments, he went about his work, muttering : 3 Don’ see wha’ de mattah wif de Pa’son ’tall. Dem tings fit me good ‘nuff. Wha’ fo’ he tell me to put’em on fo’, if he don’ | wan’ to gib’em to me? Reckon he am a little bit teched in Ge head.” Pete was not discharged, the Parson’s suit was given a good brushing and airing, and that was the end of the matter. A few days after this the Parson, took Dick to prayer meeting with him. 3 ‘Dick would much sooner have remained at home, but his father did not give him any option in the case. We A Set keep him out of mischief,” he said to his wife, ts pide acs tai pecbatay | ieche “and then he will besetting a A. Seema ed to the other boys in the vil- age. won't say anything about the example, good or bad, but as far as keeping that boy out of mischief went, it couldn’t be done. Prayer_meetings, funerals, or anything else could not have doneit, In fact, if that lively youth had been laid in thedeep and quiet grave,it is my firm belief that he would have got up some racket on the other rémains, changed coffins on them, made them get up a serap- ping match, or indulged in some other lar equally facetious. f the Parson’ had taken my advice he would have left Richard at home that even- ing. Ott they went, however, and Dick was put in the front pew, right under the Par- son’s eye, and the proceedings commenc- “This is the rockiest meeting I. ever saw,” commented the Parson, turning the leaves of the hymn book, ‘ nf more of you don't come out I'll closeup the shop.” Some of the members looked horrified, while others smiled and many giggled. The sentiment was all right, for there ought to have been more at the meeting, but the words were considéred rather sen- sational. " : “ Stop’ your giggling, Sister ‘Wiggins, you are altogether too fresh,” This was after the manner of the Rever- end Sam Jones, and Sister Wiggins did not like it, but could say nothing never- theless, 4 , The gang sung a couple of verses, and then the Parson, looking over some papers, seemed to te ~ “ Brother Tomlinson, will you _go out and get a bucket of water? I’m as dry as a chip.” ’ ‘ se pitcher generally stfficed, and the Parson's request was considered some- what extraordinary. q The brother was ready to comply with the elder’s request, however, and so he got up and went out, while smiles went around the room. The Parson frowned as he saw Brother Tomlinson leave his seat, and called on |- Sister Samantha Scrubb to relate her ex- perience. The lady was one of the long-winded sort, and, she started off on what would have been a three volume romance, if she had not been suddenly stopped, She was just telling what an awful man her husband had_ been, and was going on to relate how she had yanked him into the fold, when Brother Tomlinson came along with a big bucket, chock full of water. , ore half of that on the sister to cool her off.’ The speaker was too much excited to ' notice what was said, but Brother Tomlin- son understood well enough. He lifted the pail and was about to let Scrubb have it in the neck, when a woman sitting mext to him set up a yell. | She had on a new spring bonnet, and she didn’t care to have it spoiled. _ ‘Look out what aes re about; Josh Tom- linson,” she howled. That attracted Sister Serubb’s attention, and she stopped. 4 “Put down that bucket!” she com- manded. ; “Never mind what she says. Let her have it.” “Why, Mr. Richardson, how can you tell him todo such a thing?” yelled Scrubbs, backing out of the way, ‘ “What's that?” asked the minister, awaking from his reverie. ‘*Why don’t you go on, Sister Scrubb? Your remarks are very soul satisfying.” ‘Did you tell Tomlinson to throw water on me?” — “Certainly not!” exclaimed the bewil- dered Parson. g oe Tomlinson thought otherwise, but he did not like to say so. ; ee Chuck it on the floor. It needs scrub- ing.” Weed seal Tomlinson let fly and the whole aisle was deluged. , Women screamed and put, their feet on he pene men Jaughed and boys gig- gied. f ees The Parson was thunderstruck at the te be conduct of so estimable a mem- per of the congregation. ie

Page 25

ey THE PARSON'S BOY. "Why, Brother Tomlinson, I am aston- ished!” he cried. ‘‘ What ails you this evening?” “Didn't you tell me to throw the water on the floor?” The Parson was too dumfounded to speak for several seconds. Dick improved the opportunity and made him say: — - “ Get out, you lunk head, I didn’t.” The brothers and sisters looked at each other in utter dismay. Really, their beloved pastor was getting worse and worse. “Tell you to throw water- on the fioor, Brother Tomlinson?” exclaimed the Par- son, at length. ‘‘ Why, no, indeed,” but I can’t say as I like it. LOT his manner of doing it was somewhat un- usual, ; ‘* Wall, guess the dominie’s been hear- ingsome of them York preachers,” com- mented Brother Hayseed, ‘‘ and has got to copying theer ways. Reckon it’s all right, Too much like camp-meeting to suit me.” Finally, when somebody else got up to speak, and at the Parson’s own invitation, he startled all hands by saying: . “Come, that's enough for one night. Hustle out of here. Blinks, put out the lights I” The Parson was as much astonished as any one when he saw the people suddenly iin SS SS SSS oc % HUN The clothes gave him a certain clerical appearence, but the fit made him look as funny as a cireus clown. yo’ like dat, boss ?” he asked after waiting for the Parson to say something. me much, for he was deaf, and Dick usually kept away from the house when burning crackers or anything of that sort. Besides, if Dick had wanted to make a racket right in the house itself, she would have let him, and thought it very unreason- able if anybody objected. If he had not been a sensible young fel- low, our Dick would have been spoiled by that mother of his; but he didn’t lose his head, and went right on having all the fun he could, and never fancying he was any better than a thousand other boys. For the celebration he bought a box of crackers, a lot of powder, and things like that for the day, with rockets and wheels, ! lh a i e | i @& V@e il AY ad CN a TM t} (3 = B = a “ How *< What do you mean by masquerading in my best clothes, how dare you take such liberties ?” cried The brother couldn’t make it out and he sat down sree | very much ashamed. The Parson forgot that Sister Scrubb had not finished her story and he called on some one else, and so the long-winded one got a knock out. 3 The Serubbs and the Tomlinsons were not on very good terms, although mem- bers of the same church, and Scrubb de- celared that Tomlinson had fetched in the water just to stop her talking, being jeal- ous of her abilities in that line. : That was not all the fun that Dick had that evening. t _ Brother Windbag was rumbling along in a wheez¥ voice, telling of his many sins, when the Parson said apparently: “ That's enough of that stuff. Sing the ninety-ninth hymn.” The ee) started up, of course, and Brother Windbag had to sit down. After that, when Sister Sarah Toga was relating’ her experiences in a very teary voice, she was interrupted with: “Ah, cheese it. Give us something dif- ferent.” a The people did not so much wonder at the Parson’s choking off the speakers, but t et up ands leave in a body without being ismissed in the usual manner, There was nothing for it but to leave, however, as the janitor be (ors to put out the lights preparatory to closing up. Dick and the Parson got home nearly an hour earlier than usual and Mrs. Richard- son said: “Why, you must have had a very short meeting. Wasn’t there any one out?” “Oh, yes, but they didn’t seem to want to stay. I don’t see what ails some of them. They acted in the most extraordinary fashion, I can’t understand it at all.” Perhaps Dick could have explained mat- ters, buf he never said a word, , PART XII. (7) HE fourth of July was coming, and Dick meant to give it a good send- @)) off, and no mistake, x ed He was just like other wide awake Yankee boys, and he liked to make a noise and plenty of it on the anniversary of the nation’s birth, and he usually had all the fun there was to be got out of it. The Parson did not mind the noise very ON | the good minister, jumping up and getting quite excited. and all that sortof showy business for the shades of evening. ‘ During the forenoon, before going down into the town to enjoy himself with the bays, he amused himself with stan: ing on. ers thé piazza and chucking lighted crac ae into the trees or on the walk, a dozen ata time. In his study the Parson was grinding away at the last pages of a spread eagle oration, to be given on the green that af- ternoon. ‘The noise did not bother him, for one boy can’t make such an awful lot, anyhow, with only fire-crackers, for Dick wouldn’ shoot off a gun around the house. He looked in once or twice, and saw the dominie writing away, thoroughly ab- sorbed in his work, and presently an idea popped into his head. : ‘pete the’ slim darky, helped to put it there, for he came loafing along just about then, with a pail of water in his hand. “ Musin’ yo’se’f, Marse Dick ?” he asked, stopping to look at the young fellow. ‘on ** Oh, yes, a little. How are things with you, Pete?” ars “Putty good, sah, putty good. ‘T’ank SIE eaten ee aoe . ~~ UueP ai? a ee

Page 26

yo’, sah, Dem powdah crack allus makes Boe ae ob noise, doesn’ dey ?” a , yes, some. I suppose you used to chuck ’em about when you were a kid?” ‘““M—m, honey, yo’ bet yo’ life, an’ I s reckon I'd git mos’ much fun out ob it now, Marse Dick. Yo’ fader don’ min’ de noise?’ “No, indeed. He rather likes it, [ think.” “ Peter, hallo, you, Peter.” That was certainly the Parson calling. ** Yes’r, yer Lis.” “ Come in here, you black scamp.” y “Beats all how yo’ fader do talk dese 3 days, Marse Dick. Yo’d fink he war gwine to skin yo’ alibe.” “Yes, but he doesn’t mean anything by it, Pete.” **No, Ls’pose not, but——” ; “Now then, you lazy nigger, are you coming or aren't you? Pete jumped, looked scared and darted into the ae “Yer I is, Pa’son, I on’y jus’ heerd yo’, an’ I couldn’ go no fastah.” i ** Cheese that and listen to me.” ** Yas’r, I’se all attentium.” “i The Parson knew that some one was in the room, but he was in the middle ofa high flown sentence and couldn't stop. Go out to Dick’s box, Pete, and get half a dozen packs of crackers.” aad “Yas’r, I get ’em dis minnit.” “Light "em and set ’em off in here, a + pack at a time.” hats ** Wha’ dat yo’ say, sah?” asked the sur- __ prised coon, scarcely believing his ears. ag Just then the Parson happened to turn around. - ** Get out of here, you black idiot, and do as TI say.” “VYas’r, d’reckly,” and away flew Pete out of the window. ; _ “Very extraordinary how that mai acts,” muttered the Parson, ‘‘ Now what did he want in here? Dear, dear, no one seems to think I have a study to myself, the way they invade it.” Pete went out and began helping him- self from Dick’s box, Hallo, Pete, are you going to set off some?” ; “Yas, Marse Dick, but wha’ yo’ tink now?’ - / *T don’t know, what is it?” ‘Yo! fader am de stranges’ man some- _ times. | _ “Why, what has he done now, Pete?’ asked that innocent Dick. _* Tol’ me to fiah off dem crackahs in his Libary." y Pets We ell, if he told you to doit you'd better do so. _ That settled the matter with Pete. _ He picked out half a dozen packs of erackers ripped the ulsters off of them, took a big piece of punk and went into the library. ; “That's the talk, Pete. Let her flick- er. ” ‘The coon lighted the fuses of two packs and chucked them up to the eenaee Such a snapping, cracking, hissing and fizzing was never known before in that quiet place. The Parson jumped up in a fright for he could not help hearing the racket, _ “What are you doing, Peter?” he de- areas dancing up and down. ~ Pete chucked up another pack and the eee flew all over. ee SAT a: hey were snapping and shooting in a) t Aicctons and you couldn’t get out of their way. di ; thie room seemed fairly alive with them In fact. fy Stop, stop!” fairly yelled the Parson. _ What are you doing, Peter? You will set fire to something.” _ _ Pete tossed up another _ Parson could make himsel The room was full of smoke and the _ erackers were darting this way and that, Pee before the heard. 3 outat the door and in all directions, _ The Parson made a dash for the door and apahed out upon the piazza searching for ck, i _ over the floor, under the desk, up in the. boa we Ss aaa THE PARSON'S BOY. Then he let drive with it just as Pete was coming out. The lathy coon was drenched and nearly upset as well. “ Hol’ on dere, hol’ on, Mr. Rich’son,” he gasped. ‘“ Couldn’ yo’ saw whar yo’ was gwine?” The crackers had not done any damage, for there were no lace curtains or anything of that sort in the room, but they had made an awful muss in the place just the same. ‘““Whatever induced you to set off those fire-crackers here, Peter?” asked the Par- son. “‘ Have you taken entire leave of your senses ?” “‘T on’y done wha’ yo’ tol’ me ter, sah,” answered Pete. “Only did what I told you to, Peter?” gasped the Parson. * Dat’s all, sah.” “But I never told you to set off those crackers in my study.” “*Scuse me, sah, but am jess wha’ yo’ tol’ me. Yo’ ax Marse Richard, sah, an’ he’ll tell yo’ de same ting.” The Parson went out to find Dick, but that young gentleman, after assuring him- self that everything was safe, had gone to the village to continue his rackets. Pete did not suppose that any more w: wanted of him, and he went off to chan his shirt while the Parson, after looking for Dick and not finding him, returned to finish his oration. That was not the last of Dick’s Fourth of J “ad fun by a heap. As I remarked he went down into the village for more. He found it lying around in large chunks, only waiting to be picked up. In front of the post-office were Himrod Swaggles and Abijah Gesicks, each with a light open wagon and a scraggy nag. ‘ Himrod was a great horse jockey and never lost an opportunity to race, trade, sell or buy. The nag he had with him on this occa- sion, while not a racer exactly, had some good points in him and could go a mile in about three minutes. ; Abijah’s plug couldn’t come up to that, he was blind of an eye and he had feet like firkins, For all that, Mr. Gesicks was a fellow who wouldn’t take a dare no matter what it was. : Himrod was one of those ducks who are always on the lookout to make money, no matter how. The two had arrived shortly before our Dick did and they were now talking upon the respective points of their steeds. ‘“That hoss o’ yourn is blind,” remarked Himrod, ‘an’ he ain’t no gcod, nohow.” *Wull, yas, I know he’s blind but. that don’t signify. He’s got good p’ints if he is blind,” retorted Abijah who wouldn’t let any one run down a thing that he owned. iB Shucks! he can’t go a mile in five min- utes.” ; *Reckon he kin dew tew in thet time or if he can’t, yures can’t.” “Tell what T’ll do,” said Himrod. ‘I'll bet you Ill beat you to the Methodist meetin’ haouse.” “Yu can’t du it nuther,” answered Abi- jah, fr: Bet yu ten dollars I kin then.” “T don’t want tu take yure money on a dead sartin ently, “Shucks ! you dassent doit. Comenow, I dare you to race.” ih That was enough for Abijah. “Till race ye as furas the meetin’ haouse,” but. no furder.” te “Yas, and yu'll ect beat too. ‘* Like fun, I will.” rea ee Dick was a listener to this jawing match, but he didn’t say anything. | : He did not exercise his ventriloquial pow- ers, for he had another plan in view. : He picked a pack of crackers out of his box and toyed with a piece of punk which he had lighted on the a - “Are you ready?’ asked Himrod, gath- ering up his reins. “Wait till I get even with you and I am. “ Allright, get in line.” : Several spectators, had gathered by this time, for two men stopping to talk will al- ways draw a crowd in the country. : obody took any great notice of Dick, for they were all interested in the ap- proaching race, y fi ated au i \ Pusey ear Oe Vs woe ; , b etl “ Ready naow 2” SAY'ARe “Then let somebody give the word. Will you, Hiram Jinks?” “Don’t mind if I du,” said Hiram, a lanky jay, with bleached hair, dishwatery eyes and a plug of tobacco in his mouth. ‘All right; let her start.” * Ready—go!” said Hiram. ‘ ae, they went, Himrod taking the es ad. Then Dick got in his fine work in that quiet way of his. It took two seconds to light that pack of fire-crackers, and another to chuck them under the forefeet of Abijah’s nag. That was the one thing that that plug couldn’t stand. You could twist his tail, stick pins in him, cover him with flies or yell at him, but he wouldn’t go if he didn’t choose. With fire-crackers, however, he acted in quite a different manner. ‘ , At the first snap, he bolted as if all ug were after him. 9 t the second, he snorted, laid back his ears and dusted worse than ever. His hoofs got entamgled in the crackers and they kept right along with him. Himrod was not in that race, not even a little bit. / His nag wasn’t scared by the crackers, but he couldn’t get up the pace that Abi- jah’s plug could. - That one eyed ei soe passed him in the first two rods of the race. When they got to the Methodist church he was a quarter of a mile behind. The best, of it was, though, that Abijah. couldn’t stop when he got there, That racer of his had things all his own way. The crackers had long since given their last crack, but that didn’t make any odds. That nag had them fresh in his memory still and he kept right on. The crowd around the post-office had followed the racers at first, but they soon bea out of it. ‘They couldn’t run for laughing at seeing that big-footed, one-eyed guy of a horse beating Himrod’s racer. As for Himrod, he felt prett; defeat. ‘“‘ Who in {thunder threw them crackers. alba ? he sputtered, ‘ Of course the gol blamed critter hed to git ore and go like all possessed arter a sid - Abijah would have been glad to stop at the church, but his nag had other ideas about that. He wanted tocollar that ten cases too, for he knew that Himrod was a bit shady and would chisel him out of it if he didn’t collect it at once. as “Whoa, gol blast ye!” he yelled, sawing on the reins. His prize beauty had the bit between his teeth, however, and wasn’t letting go. , = Whao, I tell yu!” i me might just as well have called to the wind. Then he tried another dodge, calculating on the obstinacy of his steed. “Get along there, yu brute! What are yer loafin’ fur? Get up!” ‘This pian did not work ashe had sup- posed if would, for the nag did not stop. On the contrary, he kept right on af the same old gate. Hy Worse than that, when he reached the outskirts of the town some rascally boy chucked a big cannon cracker under his feet as he went gliding by. ; After that there was no stopping him till he played out. : He came toa halt two miles out of town, and then he did not feel like going back. Abijah couldn’t coax him to go back either, until he got good and ready, He sneaked into town about three hours afterwards, and then Himrod Swaggles could not be found, high or low. ' In the meantime, however, Dick had been having lots of fun, and had forgotten all about Abijah. Along about dinner time he went home and found he had a few minutes to spare. He saw Pete out on the lawn and that put another snap in his noddle. The Parson was in his study but he presently conte to the doorand looked out, o “Yas’r, heah I is,” aes sore at his ys "3 : f

Page 27

THE PARSON'S . BOY. “Go round to the barn and brin g me that empty barrel by the door.” “ right, sah, I’se gwine.” That barrel, by the way, was not as emp- ty as Pete supposed it was. When he got to the barn he saw it stand- ing there, looking as innocent as you please, and he started forward to pick it up. He did not know why the Parson wanted it and didn’t care, his business being to obey orders and say nothing. Dick had monkeyed with that barrel in the short time that it took Pete to get to the barn, Just asthe coon went to take hold of it, there was a stunning old report and the barrel went up five or six feet in the air. I 2 4 . Hy Nia — SS — eee There was a big Jumbo fire cracker under it, that was the reason. “*Golly! just look a‘ dat ba'l!” snorted Pete, jumping back as a shower of burning paper fell all around him, The barrel came down again, rolled over on its side and stayed there, and then Pete tumbled to the cause of the row, “Wull! I jus’ clar’ fo’ it. I didn’ fink de Pa’sun would play jokes on a fellow like dat,” he muttered. “ He done put dat bum- shell undah de ba’J a puppus so’s to scare de wits out ob me, but Tain gwine to tote de ba’l to um now, jus’ to pay fo’ it.” It is highly probable that the Parson would have been slightly astonished if Pete had brought the barrel to him, and so it was just as well that the coon did not do it. : There were more rackets before the day was over, of course, but that’s all I’m going te tell about this time. P It was a day of fun and no mistake, when it was over Dick went to bed andsleptlike a top with never a twinge of conscience for hayingsold so many people that day, but quite ready to do the'same thing over again in the morning. School was over a until the autumn, 5 as " Non ok 5 See . thirty people and Dick would have lots of time to go fishing, boating and enjoy himself gener- ally, but, as he always did that, it really did not matter very much to him whether school kept or not. One evening about this time, the Parson took Dick withhim to prayer meeting, to keep him out of mischief. If he had really wanted to do that in the most effectual manner, he should have locked the young fellow up in a closet or something of that sort. However, he took him to meeting with him, and Dick sat in a front pew, looking perfectly innocent, but full of mischief for all that. He did not cut up during the meeting, The Parson jumped up in a fright for he could not help hearing the racket. demanded, dancing up and down. Peter chucked up another pack and the erackers flew all over. They were Snapping and shooting in all directions and you couldn't get out of their way. and nothing BonvEn ed to disturb the har- mony of the gathering. After the thing was over, however, and the Parson was looking for his hat and gloves, he seemed to say: “ By the way, ess I want you ali to come upto my house to-morrow evening. Dov't bring anything. We've got enough Sor everybody.” The Parson evidently was doing things on a liberal scale, for there were twenty or resent. There had been donation parties from time to time when the Parsonage was stocked with doughnuts enough to last a month, but this thing went ahead of all. The people smiled and promised them- selves a good time, and the Parson won- dered why they all seemed so happy. “T must have been more eloquent than usual,” the good man mused as he drove home with Dick. The next evening arrived, and the Par- son, his wife and Dick were in the sitting- room quietly enjoying themselves, and never thinking of company or any that sort. y : That is, Mrs. Richardson and the Parson. were not, but Dick looked at the clock thing of every now and then, and smiled under his breath, as it were, in anticipation of _ the fun in prospect. Presently there was a sound of amy na feet on the piazza, and the front door be} rene vigorously. “Run to the door, Dick,” said Mrs. | Richardson. ‘‘Sadie has gone out.” Dick went to the door, leaving the sit- | a room door open, hen he opened the outer one in swept a troop of ladies and gentlemen, and he skipped out. he Parson looked up as the procession began to file into the sitting room. : “Good - evening!” shouted the gang. * You see we're all here.” **What are you doing, Peter?” he “T asked some friends, for I thought you wouldn’t mind.” } “Good-evening,” said Mrs. Richardson, faintly, and with very little enthusiasm, ~~ for she, wondered how in time she was go- | ing to take care of all that gang, with the f girl out, and nothing in the house to speal ; of. ; The Parson got up, his surprise being plainly visible. 3 “ Good-evening. Why didv’t you say you were coming 2?” ; fy The room was full by this time, and © 3 there was acrowd in the halland moreout on the piazza. ; 2 The Parson didn’t seem glad to gee them, ve and glances were interchanged. the Presently the Parson’s wife remarked, or seemed to; Cm “ Sh be . ki “ Well, you may as well sit Tsup- 08e, NOW YOu es Book but pou fur old. us something about it. FPS apt Mrs, Richardson punched the ‘good main, tee MEP MiGig weiss re ‘as eas “sr

Page 28

THE PARSON'S BOY. and frowned at him, but he did not know what he had doneany more than the man in the moon. The party promised to be very hilarious, considering the way it started off, ee PART XIII. HOON the Parson’s guests began to , take off their duds and scatter themselves through the house. . They had not been very cordially received, to be sure, but a country gang is not easily frightened off when they think there is a frée racket on board. The thing that troubled the Parson’s wife the most was how to provide for such a lot of peo- ple. If she had expected them it would have been all right, but here were forty- or fifty __ péople coming in on her all of a sudden, _ without anything to eat and no time to send for anything. She saw no signs of boxes or baskets and. was sure that nobody had brought any _ thing, evidently expecting that all the ~ needful wouldbe provided. “Dear, dear, what am I going to do?” she thought as she hustled around to find seats for the gang. : “J think you might have told me you were coming,” she seemedto say. She was too rattled to hear this, but the bei oad did, and they exchanged glances. “T?sahungry gang, too,and they didn’t bring even a cracker.” Mrs. Richardson heard thisremark, which appeared to come from the Parson, and she looked reproachfully at him. _. “Make yourself at home, friends,” said _ the Parson, not understanding his wife’s - looks. ‘This is an unexpected pleasure.” es ‘nee but how are we going to feed such This time the Parson heard, and he look- ed at his wife in astonishment. _ The visitors didthe same thing, and began _ to think that perhaps they ought not to have come. __ “Well, I’d brought something,” spoke up Sister Lobelia Higgins, who had the repu- _ tation of eee speaking her mind, “but _ the Pa’son sai lpg! that we wasn’t to bring nothing, ’cause they was enough and spare in the house.” os a gall!” was the retort, evident- ly from the Parson himself. ’ “My dear!” exclaimed his wife. -**Gall or not, it’s just what you said,” mapped the sister, ‘‘and twenty or thirty people heard you say it.” ° me “Ah, go on, you havev’t got all your - buttons.” . ‘ _ “Why, my dear, I am surprised.” _ © What about?” asked was lost in bewilderment. ‘ ‘Tt didn’t come here to eat anyhow,” said ister Higgins. Py adi always hungry,” eacon Smith, over in a | Yes, you did, d the voice of orner, Sister Higgins looked mad and ‘several persons giggled. “That's so, Brother Smith,” came another corner. 77 roduced a digression, and Mrs. shardson managed to get her husband’s ttention and draw him into the kitchen, “What made you invite all those people without saying a word to me?” she asked. ‘ “Why, my dear, I didn’t ask ’em ‘never was so surprised in my life.” ‘i “ And there isn’t a thing in the house, pa Marr as On RD Se MOL CO ET [. tes nw, a GEMS PY Oe SUTRAS Crm A a % ne’. from the store is closed and nobody brought aloe : “Well, we don’t have to give them their eeepEr do we?” “Tt’s always customary.” ‘ Well!” gasped the Parson. ‘I don’t see how we can. I certainly didn’t ask all at lot of people to come.” “You probably did and then forgot all bout it,” said his wife. ‘I wish you were ot so absent-minded.” ‘The Parson sighed and concluded that he invited the mob and wondered what. =f re going to do about it. He went off to the study, which had not been invaded, while his wife returned to he sitting-room, determined to make the be a of a bad job. The female part of the mob was very ee because they had not overruled the -arson’s order and brought something to er | ¢, the Parson, who ing addressed in this style. ee up any cat sausages lately, old man?” “What say? What you talking about? I didn’t ask you for sassages.” “Do you want to insult me in q ———————— Ee Se a eh eee , a eas ne et tinea else ga Er ee CS ' store, Squire?” They liked good things, and . wanted everybody to think that what they made was the best, and every old gal there was hed she had not brought a specimen of her handiwork just to show off. “Might have knowed the Parson would forget to tell Mis’ Rich'son,” snorted Sister Higgins. ‘“‘She’s awful embarrassed, I know, but she might have pretended she was glad to see us.” “Tt’s all his fault, anyhow,” said Deacon Smith’s wife. “Men ain’t no goodeany- “ Pretty good for an old gal that’s had three husbands,” said a voice in the south- east corner. There was a great tittering at this, and Sister Smith sat down very red in the face. 4 Just* then the Parson’s wife returned, received her company most graciously, and proceeded to put them all at their ease. She did not say anything about grub, but kept the ball rolling in the matter of talk until all hands forgot the queer recep- |, ‘tion they had received, . Master Dick could have caused the as- sembly to break up in the biggest kind of a row if he had wanted, but that would hardly do, and so he held his jaw and en- joyed himself in other ways. After all the gang had a pleasant even- ing of it, even if they were not fed, and as the cranks dropped.out after a short stay, those who remained had a good time. “Dear me, I hope they won’t come like that another night,” muttered Mrs. Rich- ardson, when the folks had all gone. foe. must think I am terribly inhospita- e, ”» “ After all, ma,” said Dick, ‘‘ what was the use of feeding them anyhow? They had all had their suppers.” **Of.course, but it’s the custom to have cake and coffee or something like that.” “Bother custom,” said Dick with a gf The Parson soon forgot all about the sur- tee party, but Dick found other things ‘or him to think of. Meantime, however, there were lots of fellows in town for that young scamp to play rackets upon, and he thought he zane as well give his poor old dad a rest. e next day as he was hanging around the store in the village, Squire Muddle came along, his umbrella under his arm,a big red handkerchief sticking out of his coat-tail pocket, and his broad brimmed hat pushed back from his high forehead. by a ood-morning, old Hunks, How goes u 3 The Squire looked up in surprise at this salutation, but saw no one but Dick, and he had evidently not said anything. “What say?” asked the Squire. “I said goodenorning, you old fraud,” said a voice behind him. The Squire turned, but there was no one within a hundred feet of him. : “ Wow—wow—gri” barked a dog righ under his feet. : He jumped, struck out with his umbrel- la, and ran up the steps of the store. “* Folks have no business to let dogs run around without muzzles on’em these days,” he remarked, looking for the oe Then he went inside, Dick following and taking up his position on a barrel. “ Hello, old Sandbank, “ Howis sugar?” the Squire seemed to say to tlie store- keeper. «What's that?” asked the latter, coming forward. . ‘“* Hallo, old stick in the mud, what do you want ?” the Squire heard the man say. “What say?’ he demanded, wondering if he had heard right. t ‘\ How's aale grease, butter, as you call “Really, Squire, I don’t think you ought “Get out, old fourteen ounces to the pound, you're no Meee ‘“ What say ?” asked the squire, wonder- ing who had spoken. d he storekeeper began to get mad at be- my own ay Se aR Ae PEE ty Se ee Fine Se ee a ee SO Se a sat on a Squ ire.” ” Ah, go on, old lightweight. < ‘* What say?’ put in the Squire again, in his high key, , **T declare, Squire Muddle, it’s more than T'll stand, being called such names.” “What's the matter now?” asked the Squire, “ I ain’t said nothing.” ‘Go on you old liar.” ‘““What say? Who's a lawyer?” “That's what I want to know, called me a liar and I won’t have it.” ** Never called you nothing.” “Yes, you did. Ill leave it to Dick there.” ‘Somebody called some one a liar, but I couldn’t tell ‘who it was,” said Dick. ‘I was nearly asleep.” } “* Give that boy an appa, Jones.” soma right, Squire. Here you are, Dick.” Dick got his apple and-the boss said: “Five cents for that one, Squire. Apples is dear this year.” “Five cents for what ?” “ That apple.” 1] hain’t had none.” “No, you told me to give it to Dick.” “ Didn't neither.” “ Ves, you did, you old stuff.” “ What's that, Squire? Who's a stuff?” * Go to Jericho, old water vinegar.” The boss thumped his fist on the counter and said: ‘ “See here, Squire, I won’t have you cast- n e i i g reflections on me like that.” What say? Who's elected? What are you talking about, anyhow?’ Dick was getting outside of his apple and beet seem.to be taking stock of anything else. “ Hou’s that cherry leaf tea of yoursyold Profit and Loss?” ; “What say?” was the squire’s reply. “Tsay I won’t have you casting reflec- tions on my business. Do you want any thing or don’t you?” . “Yes, I do, I want a bag o’ flour and— wall, something else, but you've clean druv it out of my head with your gab. Don’t ay, what you are talking about any- ow. : “Was it sugar, Squire ?” asked the grocer seeing a chance to make something an forgetting his wrath. ‘ 0.” . You ““Maybe it was dried apples. I have got some fine ones.” \ ““No, I don’t think it was.” “Well, did you have a list?” “Hm, yes, ‘pears to me I did. Let me see, where did I put it?” “Tn your hat, you old soaker.’ Y | “What say?” snapped the Squire, while the grocer looked surprised. j ‘i toa the Squire put his hand up to his “ Pee: ee ee: eep!” You would have thought he had a whole brood of young chicks in his hat, “Hallo, where’s them chickens ?” “Tn your hat, Squire. Funny place to’ carry ’m, ain’t it?” ‘“‘Hain’t got no chicks in my hat.” “Peep-peep. Cluck-cluck.” “*Pears to me you've got the old hen there too, Squire. Ain’t you ’fraid they'll get smothered?” “ Cut-cut-cut-ker-dar-cut!” the Squire’s hat. ORR ee “ Blowed if the old hen hasn’t laidan egg in your hat, Squire.” everal customers had come in and they ail heard the cackling. i The Squire took off his hat in a hurry and some of the pang actually expected to see some little chickens jump out. Nothing of the sort happened, of course, and all hands were mystified. : No.one paid any attention to Dick who arrel looking as innocent as a marble cherub. ‘ “ “What did you do with the chickens, Squire 9” / ‘Gosh! Where'd they get to?” “ Hain’t had no chickens,” muttered the Squire, who was as much puzzled.as any one. / Then Dick came out where everybody could see him. r All hands saw him, and any one would have sworn that he didn't move a muscle. “Cluck, cluck, peep, peep!” “Tell you you have got some chickens, D sounded fron: You've got ’em in your pocket.” Sel a a

Page 29

* Peep, peep, peep!” ; “Look out, you'll step on ’em.” ! “Tt'sa shame to carry them that way.” | They ali got after the Squire, and he had to turn out his pockets before they would believe that he did not have some little chicks in them. In his absent-mindedness, he forgot all ~ about a little private flask he had, and that came to light among other things. The grocer and the customers laughed, the Squire got very red in the face, and Dick took in the whole show without turn- ing a hair. he chickens had escaped somehow or another, but one old gal explained it by | saying: THE PARSGN’S BOY. If you had told them it was Dick they would not have credited it. Why, Dick Richardson had not said a word. : “Go on, old chalky milk!” That was another reflection. “Really now, Squire, if you don’t stop insulting uf “What say?” “ Brick dust for red pepper. Yah!” The gang began to laugh, and the Squire forgot what he was going to buy. He was absent-minded enough at the best of times, but this morning he was more rattled than ever. He laughed with the rest, not knowing what it was all about. ‘by a. big, seteny ie , Ss what he had come for, and Master Dick did not enlighten him. Now Iam going to tell you about what happened a few days later, the Parson being mostly concerned therein. Sadie, the hired girl, happened to be taken sick and she was given a vacation until she got better. In the meantime her place was supplied raw-boned, hard- muscled, heavy-fisted lady from Ireland by the name of Norah. She was a fair cook and general house- keeper, but she had to be watched or she would let things slide. Moreover she had a temper of her own and several that had belonged to others a uae nEEVEASEUE TVTMATUTTSATT y She was so mad that for several moments she could not say a word. Meanwhile the Parson wrote on, unconscious of the storm about to break over his head. ‘‘ Well, what are you waiting for? Stand on your head, I tell you.” That broke the spell and Norah's wrath burst its bonds. “Them chicks is ‘very deceiving. You think they’re under foot and they ain’t in arod of you. Like as not the Squire took some of that stuff out o’ the bottle and thought the chicks was in his hat when they was out in the yard. That was another one on the Squire, for he had declared all along that he had no chickens. “ Well, Squive, you ought totreat on that.” } “What say?” : “ Go on, you old wooden nutmeg seller !” The Squire was evidently indulging in his reflections again. 5 It was worse this time, as more people © heard him. “ Put niggers’ heels in your molasses, don't you?” what say ?” query. “What do Ilsay? What do you say, you méan? I don’t put niggers’ heels in my molasses.” “Well, Epp said you did ?” came that invariable “You did. “No, I didn’t nuther.” ; “Oh, Squire!” said allhands, |. They gould haye sworn that he said it. ha Tay’ es a That made Jones madder than ever. “Tf you wasn’t a justice, Squire Muddle, ‘T'dswat youin the jaw for saying things like that to me, but you needn’t bother to think what you was going, to buy, for I don’t want no such/customer as you any- how.” Then the others all got at the Squire again, ‘Really now, you oughtn’t to hurt the man’s feelings.” “A joke’s a joke, but that’s carrying it too far.” Then the wise old gal put in a clincher as follows : “Never mind the Squire, Mr, Jones. Reckon he’s been drinking too much out 0’ that bottle.” : _ Then they all laughed and the Squire joined in, although he had no idea what they were giggling at. ‘i “That's pretty good, say it again,” he said. ‘“ Yow’re all a lot of chumps.” “What say? I didn’t——" The chumps, as he was supposed to have called them, hustled him out of the store in short order, and he forgot all about tacked 6n to it, to judge by its size, and she néver let an opportunity of showing it pass by unembraced, : Well, it ep saree one morning that the Parson's study was being tidied up without any reference to his*convenience whatever. omen don’t consult men anyhow when they want to sweep or dust, and the Par- son had to vacate. » He took, up his position in the ee room and fondly supposed that he would not be interrupted in his work. That was all the poor man knew about — Friday house Rides eles In the course of half an hour Mrs. Rich- ' ardson said: “Norah, you'd better go into the dining- room and sweep up around the hearth, it’s very dirty. “Don’t disturb Mr. Richardson any more than you can help.” ick was in hearing when this order was given and he had a chance for some un, ” He skipped off and took up a favorable position just outside the window. The Parson was writing away like a - ood fellow when Norah came in with a room in her hand. atte She began to sweep up around the Foes

Page 30

Ss Beurth without saying a word so as not to bother the Parson. Just about the time she finished she heard the Parson say : * Norah, stand on your head.” She looked up in surprise and stared hard at the Parson. The latter went right on with his work, but added : “ Stand on your head, I tell you.’ The big servant girl looked at the Betuoi in surprise, rage and indignation. She was so mad that for several mo- ments she could not say a word, Meanwhile the Parson wrote on, uncon- scious of the storm about to break over his e “Well, what are you waiting for? Stand on your head, I tell you. That hinke the spell and Norah’s wrath burst its bonds. PART XIV. HAT big Irishwoman wasn’t going to stand any nonsense, éven if it did come from the Parson. Stand on her head, indeed! ‘Well, she guessed not. *F ed, Stand on me head, is it?” she demand- Begob, then, P'll tache ye to, insult a y Saitnt Irish girrul, ye ould villain.” With that she took a firm hold on the ~ oe handle and raised it above her Swish! Thump! If the] Parson had not happened to raise his head just then, he would have caught it solid. As it was, the broom just grazed his nose and struck the table a dandy old crack. fears sheets of haf went flying, the ink- tand was knocked silly and the table fair- i. shook. Norah eeebhed the broom so as to geti in another whack. Up jumped the Parson in great surprise, not to say terror. Whack! The broom struck the table, smashed a plate and sent the pieces flying. “Take that, ye impudent ould villain! ' a. dar’ ye insult a Jady—bad manners to ye “Ts the woman crazy?” gasped the Par- son “Pell me to shtand on me head, will ye— pase a erg ye disreputable ould Scarecrow ye Ban; Ce The ave the table another whack, ‘ands Norah P-thowsht the Parson was. get- gi) Be e might have done so had he remained, but he did not. ‘The woman was clearly crazy in ‘his eyes, oe. the sooner he got away the better for Out of the door he flew, leaving Norah boss of the situation. “The cheek of him!” she muttered. “Paix, I'll tell the misthress, and he’ll catch it. Stand on me head, indeed!” “ Get aries, you bog-totter!” Norah looked around, for that was the | Parson’s voice sure enough. “Go hang yourself up to dry, you're too green.’ The voice was in the hall, the Saige d re the door ec “Oh, I am, am I? ell, you just come in here and see if I am or not, you ould curmudgeon,” “Go step on your own feet, they're big waged " es, and they’re big enough to crush ye, Parson top, hy ould fraud. 0 sew & button on your lip, yow're too ‘yh pee “mind how freshIam. I’llsalt ye if I Be at 3 Pree ees for old England, you ter- rier. ” -. ‘That was es ‘much for Norah, and she ws oe back a a THE PARSON'S aaa moment later, and bitterly capdgiietine of the Parson, “Sure, I think it’s too bad that yer hus- band can’t behave himself and him a min- ister,” she began. ss Why, what can you mean?’ demanded the lady. “Faix, I'll have no man tellin’ me to stand an me head, aven if he do be wan ay the clergy, and thin tellin’ me I’m too fresh and givin’ three cheers for ould England.” “You must be mistaken Woxsin ” said Mrs. Richardson, ‘*‘ My husband wouldn't do such a thing, he is too dignified.” “ All the same I heard him tell me so. and not wanst but three or four times, and then he said I had big feet, and called me a tarrier, and all thim names, and I won’t stand it. ‘“But you surely must be mistaken. Mr. Richardson would not talk like that to any one.” “Deed, ma’am, and yez mi ht as well call me a liar and have done wi it,” sputtered Norah, “for I h’ard him wid me two ears, and ay yez don’t belave me yez needn’t, but I won’t live in a place where the masther insults a dacint girrul like that, and that’s all there is about it. With that Norah flounced away and wentu up to her own room to pack up and go, She did go, too, and that fae was her last in the house, for in half an hour she had her money in her fist and was off on a job- hunting expedition. Mrs. Richardson interviewed the Parson and told him that Norah was going away on account of having been insulted by him. “ Really, my dear, I do not understand it,” said the puzzled man, “but I am glad she is going. I would not have felt safe in the same house with such- a virago. It is my belief that she is crazy.” ‘She said you told her to stand on her head and that after that you called her all sorts of names,’ “Really, my dear, ou should not have listened to her,” cried the horrified Parson. “Why, Idid not say the tirst word and she drove me from the room‘with a broom. It’s fortunate that she has gone. We jmight all have been murdered in our beds.” “She didn’t say anything about the broom and I never noticed any signs of in- sanity about her, but, of course, she must have made up the whole/story and ’m glad we got rid of her so easily. Dick was also. glad, although he had not looked for such an end to his little snap. He didn’t like Norah, and was quite well satisfied to have her bounce herse f in that style. FA so came back in a da ay Sioa i went along in their ol ick ene nt on in his old style too, and ae get fun out of most anything. One of his snaps about this time was played off on Pete, the colored man of all work about the place. It was a warm forenoon, and Dick, in thin trousers and tennis shirt, was lying in a hammock under the shade of the trees near the house, doing his best to keep cool by thinking of nothing in particular, and not. xen much of that. The Parson, in slippers and a long duster, was walking’ up and down on the piazza, passing the open window of his study every now and then, engaged in thinking up the points of his next sermon, Mrs. Richardson was not in it, and that was fortunate for Dick’s little plan. Presently along came Pete, barefooted. / clad only in light overalls and cotton shir and wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat on his head. As he passed ree the walk just below the piazza he heard the Parson say: “ Peter, go bring two pails of water.” “Yessir, dreckly, sah,” answered that prompt coon. Then he went away and soon returned with two big buckets, both full and slop- ping over, he Set, them down and get two more, Peter,” was the next order. or so, and style. Mas- « Ay ight, sah, right away, sah,” and off, went Pete on his errand. Hesoon came back, aa and stood waiting ‘or orders. he Parson was at the other end of the piazza with his back to the ‘coon, but he evertheless. said: fetch @ oouele eee ey Pete,” uffing and sweat- : ing: in the anh area sciemern ne eo b’lebe dere am any mo’ buckets, “Yes, there are. Go find them, you black scarecrow !” ““Deah me, de boss am gettin’ whss an’ wuss,” sighed Pete, as he went ppt SS Wondah if it am any use ter spoke to missus?” After awhile he came back with two tin pa brimming over with water, and set hem down beside the others. “* Go get some more,” was all the Parson sai “ Ain't any mo’ buckets, boss.” “ Then get a washtub, stupid !” “Yesser, anyfing yo" et and off went Pete, with another big sigh. ‘ ‘Wha’ de mischief he gwine ter do wif all dat watah, I like to know ? Specs he am clean gone crazy dis mo’nin fo’ shuah.” The Parson passed those bucket GE:7/ water several times, but was too absent- minded to notice them, being intent on getting his sermon into shape. And then, not being a Ber tist, he prob- ably did not take much stock in water, anyhow, except as an occasional gurgle for a dry throat, After un interval ofsome minutes, Pete returned lugging a big wash- tub nearly full of water, which slopped and splashed over him as he walked. “Set it down, you donkey I” ““Yas'r, obco’se. Yo’ Bouts spect I’se gwine ter stan’ yer holdin’ dish yer heaby tub, does ‘0? ‘one your back talk, you blaek cynocep hashes Wow! ‘Gosadese: what am! ‘dat? Neber heerd a wo'd like dat befoah.” “ Now wash it this veranda. Never me ea e. j h;d SA’ ri sah, jus’ as yo say, Sa on’ make ae diffence to me, sah.” “Take the buckets Sirst and give tt a good sousing.” “Bery good, sah,” said Pete, picking up a bucket. «And don't mind me abit, ns tell ou,” ae right, sah, I won’, jus’a lilly bit sa Splash! Swash! The Parson had just turned to go over the track again when the water struck the floor with a resounding splash. His revery was broken and he looked uP in surprise, but continued Walking, absen minded, Then Pete grabbed up the second bucket and let it fly. “ That's right, Peter; now this end.” Pete rabhed the third pail and the water flew all over the Parson’s feet. He had on slippers and thin socks, and of course he got a ducking. “‘ Hi—hi, what are you about?” he yelled jumping back. That “aid not trouble Pete any, and he annexed another bucket and let the con- tents ay. The Parson got it again, for Pete had fol- lowed him up. fe eae here, stop, what are you about, who told yo ou to wash the piazza, go away!” stormed the Parson, getting sa much ex- cited and ne: to a dry eo Pete had been told not to mind him and he went right ahead with his washing pro- cess. “ Now this end, you idiot /” said the Par- son, an direct opposition to his previous re- mar’ Pete had seized another bucket, and he gave it a toss, sending the water to the Net end of the veranda. | e Parson was drenched, for he wasn't sudden enough in seein out of the way. @ made a dive for the window of his study, but by that time Pete had yanked hold of the Teas bucket. Swish! etre 6 The Par Daron got it in the neck and usipeahe or ss Now Whe tub, Pete. good and strong ig “What are you one Stop it, Tepyd You are wetting me all over. Go away, I, tell you. How dare you act in such a crazy fashion? Stopit at once, I tell you!” The poor man was greatly excited, tat was, jumping: up and down and ee i wh . d Ay Let her have it — i“

Page 31

) * &S§htand on me head, is it?’ she demanded. He was now.in front of the long window leading into his study. Pete, resolving to obey orders or burst, grabbed up the big wash-tub, planked it down on the piazza and upset it. The flood caught the Parson as he stood, in the door and washed him off his feet. He entered his study as he had never en- tered it before, on his back, and the water went with him. In fact, he was fairly carried in on the tide,and it bore him high and dry clear over to the opposite wall. He sputtered and choked and gasped and sneezed and had a tough time generally, When he got up, soaked from head to i i i! THE PARSON'S BOY. . one, only the wet piazza and the water lying in puddles all around and running over on the walk. It would be cooler after that, of course, but the Parson wasn’t thinking of that just then. He was thinking that he ought to put on dry clothes, and trying to recollect the great point he had made in smashing his opponents when interrupted by the deluge. “Dear me, dear me, things seem to grow worse instead of better,” he sighed. “‘ That fellow, Peter, does the most idiotic things, and now I su Sie he will be ready to swear that I told him to do it.” very natura That was FReueady what happened, and | y ay iy Hic al He cc ‘einen ih hie iV | N The Parson sneezed two or three times’ and then said, sternly : “Peter, do you expect to go to heaven when you leave this world?” ** Am gywine no place else, sah,” declared, Pete, with an air of conviction. “I’se a good Mefodis’ brudder, I is, an’ I spects ter go right stret to glory when I dies. I does, indeed, Pa’son.” “You will never get there, Peter, if you tell such awful lies, never.” “?’Scuse me, sah, T don’ tell no lies,” pro- tested Pete. ‘*‘ Wouldn’ tell lies fo’ nuffin, sah. I don’ see wha’ call yo’m got to say 1 tell lies, Pa’son.” “Didn't you say I told you to wash off the stoop?” HAT NA \ ee aN *¢ Begob, then, I'll tache ye to-insult a dacint: Irish girrul, ye ould villain.” With that she took a firm hold on the broom handle and raised it above her head. Swish! Thump! foot, he found the floor all wet and scarce- ly a dry spot on which to stand. For the summer time there was a mat- ting on the floor, and so it did not matter much if it did get wet, but the Parson was nevertheless very much rattled. He went out upon the piazza to give that - coon a talking to, but there was no Pete to be seen, Z He had been given his orders and had dusted. 7 “ Now, take away those things und let ‘the thing get dry.” ; : That is what he heard, just after he had emptied the tub. j Allhe had to do was to obey, of course, ae was great on doing what he was old. For reasons best known to himself, Master Dick also skipped. There was more shade on the other side of the house, there was a book in his room that he wanted, or something of that sort. i At any rate he made himself less promi- nent a feature in the landscape at that particular point of view—sloped, in other words, - When the Parson came out he saw no a Along came Pete on his way todosome | bit of work or another about the place, af- ter having put away the buckets. The Parson hailed him as soon ashe ap- ° peared with : “Peter, come here. I want you.” “Now I spects ['se gotter sweep dat watah up, aftah him tellin’ me jus’ ter leabe it rile muttered the coon. “Do you see me, Peter?” asked the Par- el sternly, as Pete stopped in front of im. “ Yas’r, I’se lookin’ at yo’, sah.” **Tyo you observe how wet I am, Peter, I might say soaked?” ““Yas’r, yo’ am bery wet; looks 's if yo’ ms dae been in swimmin’, but don’ yo’ recolleck dat yo’ tol’ me nevah to min’ yo’ tall, but jus’ go right on sousin’ de watah all dber de stoop? The Parson was literally paralyzed with astonishment. Pete had said just exactly what he had said he would. “Do you mean to tell me that I told you to wash off the stoop?” he gasped. ‘Dat am de bery ting eae tol’ me, Pa’son, right yer in dis bery spot.” ly wha’ yo’. “Yas’r, an’ so yo',did, right yer, an’ tol’ me not ter min’ yo’ jus’ a little, bit, an’ sen’ me aftah fibe or six buckets ob watah an’ den de wash tub, an’ tol’ me ter gib’em a good washin’, clar to glory yo’ did, Pa’son, an’ dere ain’ no lie "bout it,” There was no doubt that Pete was sin- cere in his protestations, but the Parson was just as positive that no such cireum- tae ey as related by the coon had hap- pened. He turned and went away with a sigh, failing to hear Pete's last remark: _ ‘Tf yo’ don’ b’leve it ax Mass Dick. He was yer an’ knowed all *bout it.” Perhaps if the Parson had heard he bint have had @ new light on the af- air, The yery mention of his son’s name would have caused him to suspect that the oung fellow had been up to mischief, hough in what manner it would have been hard for him to state. His wife was not at home, and, as he did not see Dick, he did not think of him, and so he went off and changed his clothes and there the matter ended. Dick chuckled softly to himself as he saw ‘his poor old dad go up-stairs after trying to. res

Page 32

\ * ‘lay out Pete, and then he kind of hung around so as to give the coon one on his own account at the first opportunity. Halfan hour or so later as Pete was peeiig the well at the back of the house e heard Dick call to him: ' * Thi, Pete, hello, Pete.” He looked all around but could see’ no one. “ Whar am yo’, Marse Dick?” he asked, “Down the well. Come get me out.” “Fo’ de Jan’ sakes, how dat boy get down de well, I like to know “* Fell down. Send ae the bucket.” Pete leaned over the well curb and look- ed down into the cool, twilight depths, but could see nothing. *“ Whar am yo, “Marse Dick?” * Down here. ‘Can’ t you seeme FE can see you all right.” io, Lcan *t, but yo’ am in de dahk, dat’s Don't stand there chinning while Iam shivering here. Send down the bucket.” You could not have convinced Pete that the young fellow was not down there in the water, even if you had shown him Dick standing behind some bee-hives not more than ten feet distant. The sound of Dick’s voice came up from below, and although Pete could not see him he knew that he was there. ** Don’ yo’ get excited, Marse Dick, an’I sin’ dat bucket right down to yo’ dis min- nit,” he called down. The bucket was lowered by a chain which poe over a Hee in the top of the well- ouse, and Pete anit to lower it at once, panties crank an ne the chain run @ rest, yo’ dreat® y: Pete gave ites or four more turns of the crank and then called down: 4 “How am dat, Marse Dick?” * Lower yet. Tean't reach it,” “Fo” goodness sake, I neber’sposed dat, well was so deep,” sputtered Pete, turning awa till the chain was all out. ow am dat?" he yelled down the well. ** Can't you let out five or six feet more ?” asked Ave voice in the well. ‘Five or six foot mo’!” gasped: Pete. “Why, bless yo" haht, de bucket am in de watah now. > Well, 7: can’t reach it.” ‘Wha’ fo’ yo’ can’t?” “Tm on the bottom.” ‘That was too much for Pete. If Dick was at the bottom of the well and talking to him up through the water, there must be something wrong. That coon jumped back: from the well in a hurry, and began winding up the bucket as fast as he could. Good] if he am down dere, why don’ he swim to ‘te top? What am de use of staying undah watah all dat time? He'll get drownded, sho’ yo’ bo’n.” “ What's that, Pete?” That was Dick’s voice sure enough, and turning, Pete saw the young fellow sitting on a bench near the hives. “How'd yo’ get up, Marse Dick ?” “Get up where?” * Out ob de well.” “ Haven’ t been in the well. ve “Yas, yo’ hab, an’ I sen’ down de bucket fo’ "Y's , an’ de chain wasn’ lon, *nuff.” Pete,” said a at ler 9) you've been drinking. I woul let pop see you, or you mig 16 get houneea” Then that young rascal got up and walked away as cool as ice, leaving Pete all broken up with surprise. “Wull, ef dat amn’t de mos’ mysterores- est ting I eber see!” he asped, ‘' Fust dat boy am down at de bo tom ob de well an’ - den he am on de bench, an’ I neber took my . eyes off’n de well all’ de time. Clar’ fo’ goodness: dere mus’ be ghostses roun’ dish yer place,” 2 PARE. XV egmceTR Dick continued to enjoy himself $M during the warm spell, and while ‘others were puffing and sweating BO and roasting, he was as cool as a cucumber with the dew still on it, and took no end of comfort as well as. fun out ; of life. 4045 - THE PARSON'S Bee ee An eee a ry ae) er The Parson experienced no lasting ill from the wetting he had received at the hands of Pete, but Dick gave him a rest for a spell and proceeded ‘6 work the other members of the household. The first one he tackled, when he felt like having a lark, was the hired man, Jonas, the slab-sided Yankee who juggled with the potatoes and corn and beets, et cetera, in the garden patch back of the house. Dick was lying in the hammock, his fav- orite spot on a warm afternoon, and the Parson sitting in a reclining chair on the lawn, reading a book, when Jonas came by with a brush and a pail of whitewash. He had been adorning the piggery, as they call it nowadays, and was on his way to the barn. “ Hello, Jonas; oh, Jonas, you long- legged crank!” “What say, Pa’son?’ asked the man, ie 49 ve here you erg en and don’t stand there looking like a fool.’ “Don't know what's got hold o’ the Pa’son lately,” mutter Jonas, ‘He didn’t useter talk like that.” However, he went towards the ee ‘ood man, who seemed to say as he approached “Give this chair 'a coat of that stuff, Jonas.” “ Yes, sir, right awa: “Do it now, you thie iva: es * But you're sittin’ in it, Pa’son.” “ Never mind if I am, you gawk.” That settled it with Jonas. He did not like being called a gawk, and he always obeyed orders. He began at the back of that chair and gave it a liberal dose of whitewash. “That's right, slap her on thick.” The back of the chair being of cane, the whitewash went. through, of course. The Parson did not notice this until Jonas, of whiter brush an extra flap, sent a a uirt of whitewash right on his book. en he jumped up in astonishment and ae what Jonas was adout. Master Dick sneaked out of that ham- mock and around the corner in a hurry. ** What are ine doing, Jonas?” * Whitewas “T should say so,” muttered the Pamom twisting his head around and looking at the back of his black coat. “Only doing what bid told me, Pa’son.’ “ What! itewas ing the chair Soh me in it! Nonsense.” » “Reckon it’s kind o’ fulish myself, Pa’son, but that’s jest what yew told me.” ** Nonsense!” “ Yas, that’s what I think.” “But I never told you to do it at all.” “Oh, Pa’son! Haow can yu say that?” “Just look at my coat! I should think you'd have more sense than that.” “Gotter du what yu tell me, Pa’son, hain’t [?” : ** But I never told you todo such a fool- ish thing as that. Just look at me.’ “Yas, yu du look funny, and no po eee ee like yu et Bok « out o’ Sing Sing,” a: onas hace to laugh. ** What do you mean by laughing, you foolish fellow?’ stormed the Parson. ‘““Haven’t you any sense at all?” Just then out came the Parson’s wife, hearing a disturbance on the Jawn. “ Why, Mr. Richardson, just look at your coat. What have you been doing?” “ Ask Jonas,” returned the poor man as snappishly as he could, being pretty even- tem wee enerally. old me to do it, Miss Rich’son,” explained Jonas. Told you to whitewash his back?” “ -Yes’m.” “* Nonsense!” “ Yas, that’s what I told him, but he = rat Us oright on,” n’t you know any better yourself?” se Wall, he said ter whitewash the chair with him in it, and o’ course the stuff wight Yer can’t help that.” rs. Richardson looked at her husband it, mist an think you. do the craziest things lately,” she remarked. ‘‘ You had better go and have that coat sponged at once.” ‘I do crazy things!” gasped the Parson. “Why, it isn’t me at all, my dear. It’s Jonas and Peter and Sarah, ceri ee everybody, in fact.” | “Didn't you tell J: onas to whitewash the | chair with yee in it?’ Af Certain me not.” “ Naow, E a’son, ‘pel know yer did and that I wouldn’t tell a lie for nawthin’. I swan, Mis’ Rich’son, he——” “ There, there) Jonas, that will do,” in- terposed the lady. “Go put away that whitewash and get a tubful of rain-water.” **Yes’m,” drawled the man as he went away. “Dear, dear, Mr. Richardson,” the lady once more, wailed “why will you persist in Gore, these absurd things? It’s really “Of me my dear?” asked the Parson. “Why, I don’t do them at all, it’s the peo- le about the house. I never saw such a ot of idiots. I can’t have any peace at all with their Fouly on, my dear.” “But the do as you tell them to, Mx. Richar cane As I tell them todo! Now, is it likely, is it reasonable, is it in keeping with my character as a clergyman and as a sedate, do th gentleman, to order the servants to o the absurd things which you see them oe Parson was wound up now, and could have gone on without notes for an hour or more, getting in his thirdly. fourthly, and to conclude in their order an winding up with a sockdologer of a finish that'would have left his opponents noth- ing to stand upon. rs, Richardson was not in the mood to listen to a sermon, however, und she cut the one off short with the remark ; “You know Jonas always speaks the truth, Parson, and you, know you are very absen’ “Yes, but my mind woul tirely absent, I would riot in fact, if I did the ridiculo s things attrib- uted to me. I can’t aaa it. Has seen anything of Richard?” es, you must accuse that innocent Rely is o is alwa: sso quiet and never makes a noise,” retorted Dick’s mother. “That's right, abuse the poor dear when he isn’t here to defend himself, 'That’s al- ways the way. You wish to conceal your own absent-mindedness by blaming poor Dick, the only one in all the family hat never ee Sey eine. out of the way.” The Parson sighed and went away with the whitewash still on his coat, for he knew that once his wife got upon the defense there was no use tr s to Stop her. kee F a t say Richa: didn’ t,”.he mutter-- as he went away, “‘but, ‘somehow or Sue that boy is generally around when have to be en- ave any mind arise anything ha peers I never caught him in any mischief yet, but it goes on just the same. I Catt ‘understand it, I really can’t.” **Guess I'll give the governor a rest for a spell,” chuck ed Dick, who had heard the discussion. “There is sucha thing as rub- bing itin, and dad is so innocent that i it'sa, i shame to give him too rae rackets.” It mee that during that same after- noon Dick’s mother was sitting on the pi- azza in the shade reading, when she fell asieet The book was one by the Duches y fe go- sae sleep. t was near a long, open window lead. to the sitting-room, the windows being like doors on the piazza side of the He = that was reason enough aif i nek was around, of course, though not in si ht, when along came Pete. Bete, you Pete, come here.” Yes ma’yam,” said d Pete. his «Ge in there and ploy on the piano.” Pete knew as muc about playing on the uate as a cow does of the procession of hg Sopinoxes. | ha’ dat, missus ?” he gasped. In fact he was not quite sure if he had heard correctly. a ret in and slay the piano. I want to be amus ee Taw bless We" ma’am, I don’ know nuf- fin ‘bout playin’ de peranner. Rs € Ge oninand try. Makea noise any- a Reékon I broke de ting, ma'am, if ltech it,” said Pete, trying to get out of it. “No, you won't, Go in there and hugn: mer blazes out of it.” \ most —

Page 33

‘ THE PARSON'S BOY. “¢Yes’m,”5é , lady should give him-such an order. The piano happened to be open when Pete ent in. He tackled itrough handed and with both ts. . The first movement sounded like the gamut struck by lightning. 4 The next was like three cats and four dogs in fits all at once. Then Pete got down in the bass and had a regular imitation thunder-storm all to himself. Mrs. Richardson had started at the first sound but had not fully awakened, The next chord made her jump and utter an aristocratic scream. said Pete, wondering that the | “Stop, stop, for goodness sake stop!” bawled the Parson. * Peter! come away from that piano this minute,” shrieked Mrs. Richardson. Pete went right on with his music, imag- ining that the folks liked it. “Yo go in there and make him stop,” said the Parson’s wife to Jonas. | “*Make him stop, ma’am ?”’ “ Yes,” “All right,” and in walked the hired man. “Stop that there playin’, yu slab-sided nigger yu, or I'll break yure jaw, du yu hear me?” “ Wha’ dat yo’ say, sah?” asked Pete,® Ti LTE | ano "long an’ yo’ spoke ter me jes’ as plain as plain.” 1 “T haven't said a word. I haven’t seen you until just this minute—I have been asleep,” protested the lady. “Aren't you a trifle absent-minded, my dear?” insinuated the Parson. ‘Peter always speaks the truth, you know.” Jonas snickered, Sadie smiled, Mrs. Richardson frowned, and Dick looked as innocent as usual, “Go to your work, Peter,” said the lady. “T never said a word about your playing on the piano, Theidea!” Then she flounced away and. the congre- gation dispersed, the Parson forgetting to Mt ian a | Mi } iy ll pa) | i . iit lk tl A Pete was banging away at that instrument for all he was worth. He worked with both hands, and if he could _have got‘his feet near engugh he would have used them. The noise he made was something terrible. The thunderstorm movement woke her up and she jumped to her feet. ete had by this time entered into the full spirit of the thing, and was just car- ried away by the grandeur of his own mu- sic. He was just_ giving that piano fits ‘and _ making no end of a racket. The Parson’s wife ran to the window and looked in. 5 The Parson was doing the same at the the door, wondering what in thunder all the noise was about. | i Sadie, Jonas and Dick were looking in atthe other window and holding on to their ears. , Pete was banging away on that instru- ment for all he was worth. : He worked with both hands, and if he could have got his feet near enough he would have used them. : j The noise he made was something terri- le. The squalling of forty ,cats, the bawling of a dozen hucksters, ths caterwauling of ten babies, the braying of a whole drove of -donkeys, all these combined could not thhave made more of a racket than that coon made. pausing in the midst of a crescendo move- ment. “Stop that playin, T tell yu, if yu don’t want a funeral at yure haouse,” “Who say I sh’d stop it, h’m? Am it youse, yo’ ole pie eatah?” “Yas, it is, and I want yu to du it tew, and don’t yu furgit it.” Don’ take no o’dahs f'om yo’, sah—yo’ ain’ nobody.” “Peter!” cried Mrs. Richardson, now that sha could make herself heard, “‘come away from that piano this minute.” ‘ *Yas’m,” and Peter obeyed. i ““What do you mean by pounding on it like that?” ; i “On’y done wha’ yo’ tol’ me ter, missus.” The lady was paralyzed, figuratively speaking. “ What!” ‘Yo’ done tell me ter play on_de peran- ner, missus, an'I tol’ yo’ I couldn’, an’ yo’ sayed dat didn’ make ‘no diff’ence, but ter jest Be in an’ make all de noise I could.” on hy, Peter, I never said anything of the sort.” “Oh, missus! hope ter die if yo’ didn’. Yo’ was settin’ onde pizarrer, an’ I come suggest that Dick might have had some- thing to do with the disturbance, Mrs. Richardson was a bit rattled over the circumstance, for she had always in- sisted that Pete told the truth, and that if he said a thing was so, it was as good as seeing itin print. ° She didn’t know what to think of the whole business, but she never thought to connect’ her innocent son with it, and that’s how she didn’t get at the truth of the matter. As for Dick himself, it had grown cooler by that time, and so he started off for the , village to have some fun with the boys. It wasn’t safe to work any more rackets around the house that afternoon and as Dick could enjoy himself in one place as ‘well as in another, he was all right and in no fear of being found out. A day orso after this Pete had to take the horse and buggy and go over to the next town with the Parson, who was going to remain all night. ; Dick went along to be company for the ~ coon on the return as it would be nearly dark when they came back. an Pete thought it was fine fun to be driven by Dick and he felt as proud as a peacock. ¢ - : | » ‘ eg e i ae ae, ee acy. - wf '

Page 34

; They started back at dusk and for awhile everything went along smoothly. It was beginning to grow dark not having yet arisen, when they. came to a ehurchyard, There were gravestones just on the other , the moon side of the wall, quite near the road and beyond were some monuments standing up white and glistening against the back- ground of trees. Pete looked askance at the tombs and began to whistle and wish that Dick would drive faster. “ Peter, oh, Peter!” The voice seemed to come from one of the gravestones nearest the road, Dick was driving slowly, when Pete gave a jump. fs aS the matter with you; Pete, got the itch **Can’ ft yo’ drive fastah, Marse Dick?’ asked Pete, fe teeth beginning to chatter. “Peter, I say, why don't you answer € Yo’ ain’ dribin’ half fas’ nuff,” groaned Pete. “ Hurry, up,, can’t yo? eé neber get home ef yo’ don’.’ “Til come after you if you don't say something.” *“Yas’r, what yo’ want?” gasped Pete, shaking all over. “What dol want?” asked Dick. ‘I don’t want senate: What's the matter with you anyhow? Pete Dribe_ on, Marse Dick,” e stammered ““Don’ yo’ see we am Tight a a ard?” e want you, Pete, we ‘want “On, lan’ ob glory, Marse fee Ww oy oe) yo’ dribe on like I ax yo?” groan Dick stopped, looked at Pete and asked : “What's the matter with you, Pete? You look rattled.” * Come on, Pete, we're waite: **Goodness gracious, Marse Sick, don’ yo’ see whar we is? Dere am de grabe- yahd!” “Well, it won't hurt you, will it? What's the matter?” “Well come and get hos if you don't ; hurry, you black rascal Poor Pete’s hair stood on end ait his limbs shook till he set the wagon springs to rattling. * Fo’ goodness sakes, dribe on, Marse Dick! De y'll get me if yo’ don’ look out.” ieee, get you, Pete?” em. aga in de grabe-yard.” onsensel” “ dyer dey will; dey’ re aftah me now. Didn't yo’ hear dem?” “Hear what?’ “Heah dem yee oes callin’ ?” “Youre ratt ed, Pete.” &: No, Tamn’t. { heah dem jus’ as plain: i ie “Come on, boys. . Let's go and get the Vk CORRS The voice was deep and solemn, and poor Pete's heart gave a jump. . “Hurry up, fo’ goodness sake!” he yelled, - grabbing the whip and giving Fan a belt. . The mare started up. suddenly, and Pete ~ fell off the seat. * Now, then, fellows, we'll get him sure.” ae Se’ focdness sake, sabe me, sabe me - Marse Dick!” sereamed that badly rattled coon, _ Dick stopped and said: Pa Ser the matter, Pete?” Didn’ yo’ heah “Dem ghostses I tol’ yor. dem?” “Yas dey is. I heerd dem in de grabe- yard, Dey wan’ me.” * Ah, goon.” % Yes, ape do, I tell youse.” * Peter, 0 Peter, we want vo ve bad!’ frcanea the voices in the grave-yard. __ Pete gave one yell, jumped out of the buggy, and bolted down the road as fast as e could hoof it. _ ‘Dick started up the old nag and followed at a leisurely pace. -_ Poor Pete ran until he was completely _ blown, and by that time, having gone clear eperoud the burying ground, waited for Dick to come up. “Fol on, Marse Dick, I pet. in wif yo’ “pow he panted, as Dick arrived. “Reckon time” | Bob ah a eat dem Laptianss mah eS a a a a aa aa a ee Ss 2 i ee — Este. Da ae ee heard the lady say, or thought THE em eee Ain hele ee Pn ap ie ie ee BOY. He was about to get in, when a hollow voice right behind him was heard “No, you don't, Pete. We're dead onto you, we are.” #0’ massey sakes, dere dey am now!” howled Pete, as he made a break. a of ue ell catch you yet, Pete, just see if we On Down the road flew that frightened coon, seven feet ata stride, his long legs cover- mgthe ground at a dizzy rate. e was dead sure that there were eight or ten hobgoblins right at his heels, and that his on ri safety lay in running, ** Bet fo’ dollahs i got in de waggin and cotched up wif me data’ way, "he peepee, * but dey don’ get me dis time, yo’ Dick followed and soon caught up with him, Pete being pretty well played out. § ik Hold on, Pe take you in with mee No yo’ don’, Marse Dick. Reckon yo" got one o’ dem ’ spookses in de buggy, an’ ey cotch me fo’ suah.” “Nonsense. Get in.” 4d No, sah. I kin beat dem spooks a run- nin’, but ef I set in de waggin dey get me sartin.” ‘* Nonsense.” *““No it amn’t,” and Pete trudged on, keeping his ears peeled for suspicious noises. « Cock-a-doodle-doo-00-000!” ‘A distant rooster was heard giving his chee call. m! dat’s a’ right,” sighed Pete, “I get in wif yo now, Marse Dick. Dem spooks doesn’ daster come roun’ aftah de roostah crowed. Dey ain’ got no business jae roun’ on de earf aftah dat, I tol’ yo’, sah,” oi ‘Oh, is that so?’ remarked Dick, who considered that he had scared Pete enough and so allowed him to get into the bug; eR, **Yas’r, Marse Dick, dat am de tru said Pete, and he drove home, thorou ughly convinced that he had been chase ghosts and that only the crowing of the cock had saved him from being carried off to the cool and mossy graveyard and to this day he believes it. 4 PART XVI. FTER that ghost scare that Dick had given Pete, our young ven- g ) triloquist let the coon alone for a time. ey Be he intended to have fun with him later on. The next fellow to catch it was Jonas the hired man, the'Parson being Parrod out for the time. Jonas was going past the house one morning, Mrs. Richardson being at the sitting-room window sewing, when he Pus did : Ls Jonas, oh, Jonas !” “Yes’m,” said Jonas, pausing in his drawling walk. “ What have you got inthe wagon out at the gate?” “Them little ) pigs, | ma Jam,” said Jonas, * What little pigs ?” “ Why, the ones our old sow had a week or so ago, yu know.” “* Fetch them in here, Jonas.” “I’m going totake’em to the buienie Se Pa’son says they ain’t no use i in raisin’ ’em, We got enough, he says.” Mrs. Richardson heard J onas, the man, speaking very loud, but she had no idea he was addressing her. “* Fetch them in here, Jonas.” “Tn the sittin’ room?” gasped the yank, * Yes certainly, the dear little things.” “Wall, I'll be blowed!” muttered the man as he started for the pate: « And I say, Jonas ?” “ Yes’m,”. Just turn’em 5 ee, tes little dears. I do_so love little baby pigs ‘“Reckon Mis’ Ri son’s gone loony,” muttered Jonas. “What she want them pigs turned loose in de sittin’ room for, I wonder?” However, obedience was one of the hired mee ’s strong points dnd he asked no ques- ions. He went to the wagon, opened the box, which had slats nailed over it, took out . three or four squealing Geary se tucked them under his arms and started for the house. — Di cnc he saa aL abe aaa Mrs. AS. k Jonas?” | yusee. ‘what he was ich she knew ardsun looked up wonderin going to do with the pigs w the Parson meant to sell, The juvenile porkers were squealing for all they were worth and were doing their ag poe to ee themselves loose. Jonas walked right in through the / French window, which was just like a door, and dumpéd the pigs on the floor. “ There you are, ma’am,” he said, and started to go. ‘Mercy sakes, Jonas, what are you about?” screamed the Parson’s wife, jump- ing up. **On'y doin’ what yer told me tu du,” snorted Jonas, as he went out. Meanwhile those young pigs were haying lots of fun in the sitting room. One of them upset a work basket and got himself snarled up with darning cot- ton, spools of thread and other odds and ends, Another Aes under the sewing ma- chine and squeaked like a good fellow. The others were racing back and forth, protesting in a loud key against being where they were and yet making no effort) to get out. They. went racing pet those open win- dows a dozen times; but: because the Par- son’s wife tried to shoo them out they * wouldn’t go out, “Jonas, Jonas, come and take these pigsout!” she screamed, but Jonas was somewhere else about that time. Such a squealing you never heard in all your life. Each one of those young grunters seemed to have a steam whistle in his mouth and be blowing on it with forty horse power. They were everywhere at once, under foot, in this corner and that, in all places in fact where they were not ‘wanted. They jumped between.the chair rounds. they got under the rockers, they became entangled in the lace curtains, they tum- bled over each other = all the ra they never forgot to squeal, “Shoo! get out of here!” cried Mrs. Rich- ardson, grabbi trying to drive windows. “Tall about p igs in A ihe and trying to ae te pigs in the pen! , that game was easy as going to n chure compared with this one. isky bacon out at the ey Those under-sized grunters had aregular circus all to themselves, They raced and tore around and around the sitting room, and although there were three windows and a door where they might have run out they wouldn’t use one of them. Such is the perversity of P gs, the ju- venile variety of the breed having more than their share. Poor Mrs. Richardson was hot and fidget- ty and all broke up, and the more she tried to root the pigs out the more they would not be rooted. “Dear me, the se will be just horrid. Whatever induced that man to bring the dirty little beasts in here? People are getting worse and worse every day around the place. I wonder if the Parson told him to do it?’ J oa then the Parson came along and looked in. “Goodness me, what does this mean ?’ he gasped, onas was out’at the gate and the Par- son called to him. “I thought I told you té take the little pigs to town,” he said, when Jonas came up. Mrs. Richardson had just skipped out, having had all she wanted. “So yu did, Pa’ son, but Mis Rich’dson told me tu turn ‘em loose in the settin’- room,’ “Turn the pigs loose in the sitting-room, onas “Yas, sir, she did.” “What nonsense!” ‘Gi’ yu my_word she did, Pa’son.” “Yes, yes, I don’t dispute it, Jonas, but how foolish it was to do it.” ‘Yes, I reckoned thet wa she telled me tu du it, sol “Get them out at once, J onas, and put them in the wagon.” Jonas set out to obey the ordér, but the shoats had they woth to say about that. Pigttec eind ais wo icin gal stoked lt up a feather duster and ibe tei myself, but — ed tu du it, - d not get out before, A

Page 35

dy et 4 ‘ ( oT THE PARSON'S BOY. they now, when Jonas tried to grab them, bolted out of those windows in a jiffy. Out upon the piazza and over the lawn they scampered, and every single one of them seemed to be in half a dozen pladées at once. * It took the Parson and Jonas and Pete and. Sadie, and finally Dick himself, a good ten minutés to corner, capture and get them back in the box in the wagon, ‘Haven't had any more fun all summer,” remarked Dick as Jonas drove off. Then Mrs. Richardson went for her hus- band. “Treally think you are poring worse | every day, my dear,” she sai 2 ii CON AL, AE MARNE TY eae Bee Ce e | TN iy t The actual truth about those pigs was never known, for Mrs. Richardson would not investigate the matter and nobody else did, Jonas holding to the opinion, how- ever, that the Parson’s wife had been just a litule off that day. Nothing particular in the way of snaps happened for two or thrée days, although Dick was always doing something ‘in that line, but at last the young fellow work- ed a dandy one which [ shall have to tell you all about. The young fellow was downat the village in the drug store, bwying afew things, for his mother and talking to the clerk, when in came a smart young chap who fancied | himself a little better than any one else, ALLE ZAZA *«Stop acallin’ me a nigger, I tol’ yo', yo’ big mick.” It was Dick who put. the finishing touch on that, too, Sadie “Yas, you did, you said I was a donkey, don’t chaw know.” “T didn’t say that.” “Yas, you did. Awsk the boy if you didn’t.” “T heard some one say it,” Dick. y, “So did I,” said the clerk; “but it wasn't me,” “T think yowre a liar, sah.” ~ ““What’s that, you think I’m a liar, do you?” eried the clerk, getting his back up. “*’Pon me wawd, I never said so,” pro- tested the dude. “ Yes, you did, you jaa.” Now it was the dude’s turn to get mad, j | remarked ; ; 7 ; i ii A i i 1 Ih i \ glared at Pete, and Pete glared at Sadie, both ready to declare that the other had insulted them, “Why do you say that?” asked the geod man, in great astonishment, : ) “The idea. of your telling Jonas to put those little pigs in the house.” “Why,I never told him!” gasped the Parson. ‘Hesays you aid.” “Tl and the lady now took her turn to be astonished. i “‘ Yes, he says you told him to do it.” “ How ridiculous!” (p28) “That's what I think. Idon’t see what you could have been thinking of.” ae eee told him anything of the “sort.” ¢ i ‘' _* But you know that Jonas always tells _ the truth,” said the Parson, mildly. “*T don’t know whether he does or not,” snapped the lady forgetting that she had said the same a score of times. _ : In those cases, however, the joke was on the Parson, and this time she had it and that made a big difference. “‘T don’t believe he always tells’ it, any- — how,” she sputtered, and she went off at that, having the last word, and that settled it. ) Gs It was not often that Dick put up a job on his mother, but this was one of the occasions anc it was worth remembering. j ey “Hallo dude!” said the voice of the clerk, j “T don’t want you to call me names, sah,” said the dude. ‘Ah, go sit on a tack.” ‘The dude was surprised and so was the clerk. ; Both.saw each other and both saw. Dick, and they would have sworn that the latter had not said a word, rs I didn’t come in heah to be insulted, “But [haven’t said a word,” j “ Yas, you have, you howid thump. “What -do you mean by calling me a chump ?” demanded the pill pounder, mak- ing a grab for the seltzer bottle. 3 *'Pon me wawd, I didn’t do anything of the kind.” : My A eg did, you dandy slim.” : ““Weally, sah; 4 shawn’t allow you to addwess me like that.” t “Tt wasn’t me,” protested the clerk. wn “Maybe you think I haven’t. got éahs, sah?”. | “ Every donkey has, and so have you.” “ dude, getting red in the face. i‘ “T didn’t say a word.” etre Vhat do you say, sah?’ asked the “Don't you call me a jay; sah. I won't have it.” cia “ce ‘ wo é Who did, then? The boy hawd you say a) it “T heard somebody say it,” said that in- nocent Dick, ; 3 : “Of cawse he did, and it. was you, sah.” “No, really it wasn’t.” “Go bag yaw head, you old tiah.” “Took here, don't you call me a liar, you silly dude.” \ “Who's a silly dude, sah 2” - ; “You are, and, you needn’t call me a liar.” Sint ms Weally, I wouldn't be so wude. I nevah id.” , : . “Yes, you did; didn’t he, Dick?” “Somebody did, certainly,” was the an- swer of that Innocent youth, , “Vah, rats! Youre both chunvps.” j “Who said that?” cried the drug juggler, 9 looking avound. : “ Wouldn't you like to know ?” y2 The voice came from the other end of the counter, : rts -“Tt's some fellah ovah theah by the miwaw,” saidthe dude. yi ¢ ee pe , DAS 3

Page 36

Dyes ie 4 \ © Shut business. & “Theab, I knew theah was a fellah theah. P, **Go tighten your corsets or yowll fall apart.” “The horrid fellah,” gasped the dude, blushing. “That's one on you,” laughed the clerk. * How much did you knock down to-day, old plaster scraper ?” called the voice. This time it was the clerk’s turn to get red. *““Who is that fellow, Dick?’ he asked, turning to our hero, “Ah, goon, you know me, you owe my old. woman for board. Sia weeks.” The clerk was not very rapid in paying his bills, but he did not owe as much as a “TJ nevah that. “Oh, it’s you, Tom Thatcher, is it?’ he growled. “I'll fix you!” : 77 No, it aint Tom Thatcher, you leather “* Who is it, Dick?” asked the angry clerk while the dude laughed. ‘ **T don’t know,” said Dick, “I don’t know that voice.” “Tf you tell on me I'll punch your head !” cried the voice. “ Ah, there, dude, how long has your watch been in soak?” “You howid fellah!” growled the dude. pas anything in soak.” . “Go put your head in then, it needs it bad. Hallo, Pills, how many cigars i you sneak to-day ? ; “Tl break fons jaw!” cried the clerk, making a break for the other side of the store. © There was a shuffling of feet asif a fellow were running, a click of a lock, and then a ugh. “Ha! collar buttons! You didn't catch me, | ad you?” ‘“Where has he gone?” asked the clerk, looking behind the standing mirror at the further end of the store. ; * Look tn the dude's head, it’s empty, you 2 “The saucy fellah!” snorted the dude. “Tf I catch him I'll stwike him weal hawd.” dg “You struck me for ten cents last night, to be sure, but the that Dick was one. ude, ‘*Wheah is the fellah?” asked that mad dude, walking along the counter and look- ing over it. 'Wheah can he hide?” **Tdon’t know,” muttered the puzzled ~ clerk. ‘‘ Did you see him go out from be- » hind the mirror, Dick?” “Nixey, Jim,” said Dick. - ‘Neither the dude nor the soda water mixer Bee suspected Dick of putting up any job. . : [hey were looking at him all the time and never saw him open his head except to ‘answer a question. : They had both heard of ventriloquists, didn’t know how the fellows worked an they never suspected Why, he had no mustaches and no pup- ets and so how could he do the tricks they ad heard about ? “Yah! You couldn't see an elephant if he stepped on you,” said that chafing _ voice, right behind the’clerk. He turned suddenly, and there was a ~ elick of a door being shut in a hurry. There was a cupboard used for hanging up coats and things right in front. © “Ha, I’ve got him now,” cried the clerk. “Git one of those canes,”to the dude, -** and belt him when he comes out.” he's at his “Ah, I say, you won't hurt me, will you?” asked the voice in the cup-board. “Won't I, though?” snickered the clerk. Ob, no!” “ What's that you say ?” ** No, but you’ve got toscome out.” “* Tf you touch me I'll tell the boss.” ** About what ?” ** Hooking ease out of the case when Aa } “e ‘Aw, he knows you, deah boy,” chuckled the dude. ; “Tl smash your jaw for that!” growled the clerk. i Th you do I'll tell how much you knock- ed 5 te i, on the money drawer to-day.” _ Things were getting interesting for the Y -compounder of gargles. Just then, however, the boss came back from lunch. : See Re: The clerk finished serving Dick, gave the ys Up, dude, and mind: your own / her manipulation of the sheet. ' with surprise on his mug. ADIE might allow herself to be se called Irish, but she drew the line THE » PARSON'S BOY. dude what he wanted, and then went to wait on two giggling girls’ at the soda fountain at the other end of the shop. The first chance he got he opened that closet door. There was no one in it, and he felt that he was out of sight himself. —_. It was along about this time that Dick roasted that slim nig, Pete, once more, and incidcny got in one on Sadie, the hired girl. It was washing day and Pete had to draw water from a hogshead to supply Sadie with the material for gargling the soiled clothes of the household. He had filled a couple of tubs and thought that ought to be enough when he heard the girl may “ Fetch some more water, Pete, and hur- ry Ww i? ss Goodness gracious me, wha’ de mattah wif dat gal?” grunted Pete, picking up the bucket again. He had no sooner emptied it into the tub than Sadie sang out: : ‘ - Hurry up, you loafer, and fill wp the ub.” ‘ “My goodness, ‘pears to me yo’ amina hurry.” ete remarked as he sloped. Sadie was rubbing a wet sheet on the washboard and did not hear him. Master Dick was in a convenient spot and neither Pete nor Sadie saw him, Pete filled the third tub and he heard Sadie say : ‘! 7 a “T want twamore, you big loon.” Pete dropped his pail in great disgust. _* Ain’ yo’ got watah ‘nuff now, I like to know ?” . ers “What's that?” asked Sadie, pausing in ““T sayed didn’ yo’ hab watah’nuff?” - “Certainly. You didn’t need to get that other tub.” - : i “ Den wha’ fo’ yo’ tol’ me to get it, I like to know?” 4 tt JT didn’t.” «Yes, yo’ did.” ’ “ T did not, you nigger.” © Vo! did so, yo Pish Turk.” Then both of them looked at each other, Sadie with her arms in the tub and Pete * Don’ see wha’ call yo’ are got to call me a niggah, anyhow,” muttered Pete. “The same you have to call me an Irish Turk,” retorted Sadie. ‘I’m not Irish, and Tm not a Turk.” ¥ “Vas, yo’ is, yo’ big flannel mouf.” . “ What's that you say?” *‘Didn’ say nuffin’.” * Ves, you did, nigger.” *T don’ wan’ yo’ to call tol’ yo’. ho did?” “Yo did, yo' Tish loafah.” Sadie had stood all of that sort of talk that she was Bol iB to. “T ain't Irish, 1 tell you. I’m as good American as ever lived, you big moke. yee addcs on thedast of ae Et “Stop acallin’ me a nigger, I tol’ yo’, yo’ big Mick.” eee tee t was Dick who put the finishing touch on. that, too. Sadie glared at Pete, and Pete glared at Sadie, both ready to declare that the other had insulted them. Sadie was a Yank and hated Irish and Pete knew that he was a coon an not want to be told so all the time. “Stop o’ dat,” he said wrathfully. JT hain’t done wa wes and you keep eailing me Trish.” “ Ain’ neider, yo' big liar!” That settled it, PART XVII. + 2 me a nigger, I irks, did at that, When you called her a liar, that was the time for war. y . She thought Pete had done so, but it was only that mischievous Dick with his ven- triloquism, foe Sadie dap know any thing about that, though, and she would have sworn that Pete had told her she was a liar. That was enough and a good. deal to spare. She yanked that wét sheet out of the tub, doubled it up, gave it a twist, and went for that coon hot footed. RL TEI aes I RE SE SR SIE RS AE Bi Se ec RI SE ta Re a ee ee ea ~ Cen 8A Es | AE ee a eee Every one of the above means that Pete got a crack over the head with the wet sheet. - It was a dandy club, and Sadie knew well how to use it. She belted the coon over the head, in the neck, on the back, and wherever she could get in acrack. That sheet stood a good chance of bein beaten dry before Sadie got through wit Kae Every time Pete got a crack with it, the water spattered in all directions, and the walls were regularly frescoed with it. That girl Sadie had plenty of muscle, and she had a good grip on the’sheet, too, and ar time she hit. Pete he was well aware of it. She did not keep quiet all this time, either, you can bet. “Call me an Irish Turk, will you, you. sassy nigger?” Whack Spat! “Come right into my own kitchen, and insult me, hey?” Swish! Swash! “ Well, I guess not, you black loafer, not as one as I've got anything to say.” Biff Slap! “Take that, you black villain, and learn to behave yourself.” ’ Pete was having a matinee of it and no mistake, and the performance was for his benefit cadgtin: Sadie banged away at him, not until she was tired, for she could have kept it up an hour jonaer, but until Pete made a sudden break, fell into the wash tub, overburned it and flooded the kitchen. : That hir irl gave a yell and dusted out of that, holding up her skirts, and Pete had skipped by the time she returned. ‘Don’ see wha’ de mattah wif dat gal,” muttered the coon, making his escape. ** Neber call her lish once, an’ she call me nigga plenty times. Let her get watah fo’ shese’f now if she wan’ it, I won’ do it.” *Confound that nigger,” muttered Sadie, when she returned. ‘Just look at that kitchen. Who's going to mop up all that water, I’d like to come back here!” : Pete knew when he had a soe thing, however, and he did not’go back. Sadie had to do the mop act herself, and when Jonas came along half an hour after- wards, he had to fetch water, much to his disgust, “ae Dick had skipped before this, or there might have been more fun in that kitchen, but as he was not a bird, and could not be in two places at onee, the racket was held somewhere else, * Just at that time Dick was down in the’ village hanging around the store looking for snaps. x \ In cameSquire Muddle and walked up to the counter, Dick being seated on a bar- rel a few feet away. ; “Gimme agallon do’ rum, Mr. Jones, and hurry wp with it.” ~ il: The clerk was a bit surprised, not at the size ofthe order, but the nature of it, for the Squire was a rank temperance crank, and everybody knew it! Paiute ““We don’t keep it, Squire,” said the clerk. ** Got any hard cider, then? That'll do.” * Yes, Squire,” we've got some o’ that. We're oe lben d it for vihegar.” “ Vinegar be blowed! I want to get good and tight !” All hands looked at the Squire, for such a thing was never heard of in town. sc at youall looking at me so for?” he snapped. “Mr. Jones, I want two ‘pounds o’ dried apples.” “ Yes, Squire.” * So's they'll soak Squire seemed to add * But we don’t keep rum, Squire.” ‘“* Who said you did?” snapped the other. ‘I should hope you didn’t keep it, indeed.” “Yes, Squire; anything else?” ; “ Gimme ‘bout forty cigars” sy The Squire was a crank on the subject of the rum better,” the ow? Here you, Pete, _

Page 37

THE PARSON'S BOY. tobacco as well as rum, and this order seemed singular on that account. * Cigars, Squire? Did you say cigars ?” “No, I didn’t, the nasty things. What do you take me for?” An old woman, of course.” * What's that, Mr. Jones? What do you say?” snarled Muddle. * T didn’t say anything, sir.” “Yes, you did. You called mean old woman,” “ Yowrealiar. I didn’t!” ‘“* How dare you call me a liar?” stormed Soe ag whacking the counter with his stick. “Why, I never did.” “Get out, you pudding head!” 0 thy a | | i Hi ** Oh!” shrieked the femalecrank, “What, say, Mrs. Hidgins?” asked the Squire, seeing the old gal’s jaws going. ** Aren’t you ashamed to-speak to me, Squire Muddle, after——” ' “ Order drinks all around, Pll pay for em.” The Parson happened into the store just as the Squire’s voice said this. “Why, Squire, you amaze me,” said the worthy man. “I did not know that you ever drank.” “Me? Drink! Well, I guess not,” sput- tered Muddle. ‘I wouldn’t have any of the stuff , sold or made, or used in any way, shape, manner, form, Byles description, class, sort or kind, I wouldn’t, and I'd pros- ic ! inl i ef Splash! Swash! “ Really, now, Squire, I can’t see-——” * Oh, shut up, you beer guzzler.” - The Squire was still pounding on the counter and being deaf besides, did not hear these choice remarks, — “What do you wish, Squire?” asked the boss, coming up. Go soak your head. he old duffer.” “Really, quire Muddie, I can’t have you using——’" cs What say, Brown?” asked Muddle, “That clerk of yours called me a liar.” “T beg your ‘pardon, Mr, Brown, I wouldn’t do such a thing, I— “Shut up and give me that rum. TI haven't been on a tear for three days.” The boss and the clerk were very much astonished at this last declaration of Squire Muddle’s, ) An old woman standing near was a lead- ing light of the female temperance cranks in town and she was greatly horrified. ‘Why, Squire!” ane gasped, “do you mean to say that you take the serpent into our bosom, that you put the destroyer in- our mouth, that you so far forge your- _ Self, your family, your friends, your— j “Cork up, you old hen, you talk too nuch,” ; 4 ecute ete! that made it, and drive the cussed thing out o’ town.” The Squire would have gone on and de- livered a temperance lecture there and then, forgetting all about everything else, but the parson fetched him up with : ‘But you just told Mr. Brown to bring on drinks for the crowd, and that you - would pay for them.” ““T? gasped Muddle. ‘I never.” “You certainly did, squire,” put in the storekeeper. “And you told me to do you_up some ee hard cider and cigars,” added the clerk, **And you said you hadn t been on a tear for three days,” chimed in the temperance woman. 5 : Dick had vamoosed that ranche or there et have been more fun yet. e young fellow did not care to carry on while the Parson was around, however, and so he had ory: bee out. - The squire was the most astonished man you ever saw. npaeig ““Who says T oe I hadn’t been on a tear for three days?” he sputtered. | “It’s @ libel, sir, a libel, I never said nothin’ of the kind, I never was on « tear and I'd like * TT en i i i a i iN a Hi I us| to fine and pees everybody that ever : did ; yes sir, and put down the cussed traffic — which is——” ‘Was there anything else besides dried epics squire?” asked the clerk, who was afraid the old duffer would get wound up. It took a few minutés for Muddle to get back to his groceries, and nobody started him on the subject of temperance again, fearing he would never stop if they did. After a time he went out, got into his buggy, and drove away, when the follow- ing remarks were made: * He did tell me to put him up some rum or hard cider, and forty cigars.” “‘T know he said he hadn’t been on a tear in three days; for I heard him.” - ce She yanked that wet sheet out of the tub, doubled it up, gave it a twist, and went for that coon hot footed. Swish! * Biff! very one of the above means that Pete got a crack over the head with the wet sheet. guess I know.” “TY certainly heard him /order up the drinks. Icould not be mistaken.” ; It is hard matter to,convyince a man against what he hears, and Squire Muddle had a tough name of it/ that afternoon, One or two of the very knowing ones. who were aware of Dick’s little gift of stomach speaking, smiled when they heard the story, but, all the same, they gave nothing away. ; “That boy is a corker,” said Hollings- head, the boss builder of the place, ‘““and he gets any amount of fun out of life with- out anybody knowing how.” A few: chance to work off a good sna and this is about the way he did it. That coon was out on the lawn cuttin the grass when Dick espied him, but sai nothing. ; There was a bench behind a pee and Dick ensconced himself in it without fur- ther delay. oes Pete went by, rushing the lawn mower, and humming softly to himself. ‘ ; ¥S-Peter il" ‘That was the Parson’s voice, and looking “He did say he ona ei rum. I . ays later Dick had another — on Pete, _

Page 38

~ toward the house, Peter could see the'zood |. “oman sitting on the piazza in a big easy chair. “Yas’r, heah I is, sah,” said Peter.’ * Wha" yo’ wan’ wif me, sah ?” “Come here and find out, you big gilly.” “ A’right, sah, I’se comin’, sah,” said Pete, dropping the handle of the mower. ‘He had. taken not more than three or four steps, when he was brought up short with: “ Fetch that machine along, you. stupid _ donkey. Haven't you any sense?” - contrivances on the _ Pete came up. “ Yo’ wan’ de lawn mowah ober dere, does yo’, boss?” “Certainly. Run it up and down the piazza a few times,” “Dey ain’ no grass ter cuton de pizarrer, boss,” grunted Pete. * “No back talk, you black dunce. T tell you.” “De boss hab gotter use bettah language to me if I’se gwine ter stay yer reg’lar,” owled Pete, ‘I won’ stan’ it fom him, he am de Pa’son.” “ Hurry up with that lawn mower and don't have so much to say.” “Yas’r!” and Pete grabbed the mower and pushed it across the lawn! till he reached the walk. It’s all right when you put one of those eee and run it, for ened and you don’t Do as then the noise is dea mind it. It isn't so very bad, either, on a gravel Nie although there is some rattling en. For a first-class. racket, however, run a Jawn mower over a piazza floor and you will get it. Now the Parson ‘was fast asleep in his chair, as you may have imagined, when The coon supposed him to be awake and i seiaied over a sermon or something of ~ he thought. - that sor ; “Dat am a funny notion de ol’ man get,” him, but den he orter know what he want an’ wha’ he don’ want.” Pete lifted the mower up, set it on the iazza floor, and began wheeling it up and own. , ane, Se rey Tra wee | THE PARSON'S BOY. he-wan’s to 'do'an’ not go ter: makin’ a pus- son do fus’ dis titig am’ den dat, like he don’ know wha’ he do' want.” : vA The cranky coon did not have any more trouble, however, for the Parson, having had his nap broken up, went back to his: study and got to writing, leaving Pete to finish mowing the lawn, Dick having al- ready gone off to interview some one else. When Dick got around to the barn he found Jonas turning a grind stone with his foot and putting an edge ona jack knife, having no other work to do just then. “ Come on dere, yo lazy fellah, wha’ yo doin’ loafin’ roun’ yer?” Jonas looked up, expecting to see Pete, but saw only Dick. ” “ Yo’ get to wo'k, I tol’ yo’, else Igo tol de boss on youse.” : **Reckon thet nigger’s got tew much ter say baout_my workin’ or not,” muttered Jonas. “ What business is it o’ his’n, any- how?’ “Don’t ask me,” replied Dick. ‘I don’t pretend to control that coon.” “ Wall, he’s got a sight o’ gall if he thinks he’s goin’ ter run me,” snorted the countryman. 2 “* Hi, dere, yo Jonas, go fotch a pail o° watah fo’ Sarah, she wan's it.” ‘ “Just hear that nigger orderin’ me raound jest ’s if I hadn’t nuthin’ tu du but run arrands fur him,” snapped Jonas. “Well, I wouldn’t go for him if I were you, Jonas,” i J poe I mons Boa 7 pea a wrry W re, yo lazy fellah, an’ g ae Seat ane ‘Go get it yourself,” sna’ onas. “ Hurry up,t tol yo’, aged So nuffin’ hayseedah. ‘Yo name Rube, dat what it am, av ve ammo good.” Jonas did not fancy being told that he was a hayseeder, and for Pete to do it was extra - provoking. : Hes ped the grindstone and looked all around for Pete. y “ Where is that nigger, anyhow ?” he ask- ed, after looking in several directions for the coon. Pete was still grinding away at the lawn and had no notion that trouble was getting ready for him. ; Dick looked around, and presently saw a coon approach within sight of the arn. “Go on dere, yo lazy good fo’ nuffiw tramp, av’ get dat pail o° (obtahe Yo" don 'arn yo salt.” Jonas looked up and saw Pete going over one edge of the lawn. “Don’t Pe talk like thet tu me, yu pesky > nigger. yu du yu'll get hurt. Shut up, yo ole hayseed. Yo dm no good av’ er was.” “Til show yer if I am or not,” growled Jonas, and just then the coon went out of rg again, the natural course of events Pete would br the lawn mower to the barn when he got through witl it. There was, not much more to be done, and the job would be finished. Jonas went on ait iy his knife, and ' Dick gave him something to think about. “TI tol’ de boss what a loafah yo am when I get froo.” , ‘“Reckon.yew'd better mind yure own business fust off.” ~ ; “Yo' orter get fired anyhow, cause yo’ am positibely no good.” “T'll show that nigger if ’'m any good if © I get my hands on him. Yah, yo’ am a ole stuff an’ talk froo yo’ hat. Yo'’m too green fo’ me, yo am.” These remarks were made from time to time and Jonas was gradually worked u into what you might call a state of mind. Presently he heard a rattling, looked up and saw Pete rolling the lawn mower to- ~ wards the barn. | “Wait till per see, me dew the. nigger ba ” he remarked, thinking that Dick was still there. Dick had abipped out, however, thinking that he wasnot needed. _ - ; Well, Pete came toward the barn, never suspecting that any.danger lurked there, Jonas had a ya of water that he had brought to set the RCH ORS going with and he had not used it.all. | ~ ; As Pete came around the corner of the barn, the Yank grabbed up the bucket and let him have the contents in the neck. « _ ~_ . e + ~ ' a , 4 Ne De ee ape i Ae _ done nuffin’.ob de be Pete was @ good deal surprised and acted accordingly. ; The first thing he did was to fall over the lawn mower and get himself mixed up generally with it, lawn mowers being as clumsy things to fall over as rocking chairs or wheelbarrows. While Pete was floundering around and trying to extricate himself, Jonas got an- other pail of water and let him have it in the neck. Finally Pete got up,- and having seen Jonas chuck the water over him, demanded to know the reason. ‘Wha’ fo’ yo’ wan’ terfrow watah ober me fo’, yo’ Jonas?” “Cause yew said I was no. good, that’s why. ‘“Nebber said so.” “Yas, yew did.” “Do yer mean tu call me a liar?” “Yas, if yo’ say dat yo’ am.” Then there was more trouble. PART XVIII. 'T it they went, hammer and tongs, ey Pete and Jonas, and there was a first class scrapping match there in‘half a shake. Pete was no slouch of a fighter if he was. thin and lanky and at any rate he could butt if he couldn’t hit. Jonas did not know much about the science of fighting, but he could ““wrastle” and puff and knock holes out of the air to perfection. The struggle between these two worthies was naturally of a rough and tumble order and they proceeded to wipe up the gravel walk in elegant style. “Don’t yu go to be me a@ liar, yu or’- nary nigger it. sputtered Jonas. ce con I ain’ goin’ ter let yo’ frow watah ober me fo’ nuffin’, yo’ s ob-sided. Yankee yo’, not if I know’t. ‘There was a great deal of talk, plenty of posta and tusseling, but not very much itting. : Thea that lawn mower took a part in the roceedings and knocked them both out. They fell over it as they swayed to and fro trying to trip each other up and it ac- complished what they could not. - Both went flying and the lawn mower seemed to laugh with a fiendish delight as hoe two chromos were spread out upon e grass. ‘ Jonas) thought that Pete had thrown him and he got up very mad _ intending to do up that coon in half a shake. Pete did not propose to be done up, and when Jonas came for him he lowered his head and went at the Yank goat fashion. Jonas got it in the At that moment along came the Parson just in time to see the fun, He was greatly surprised, for such a thing a fight bad not taken place around his neighborhood since the departure of Hiram and Rastus. Sak ae ‘What does this mean ?” he cried, indig- nantly. ‘Really you astonish me. Peter, Jonas, what do you mean by ahr Ae “Wall, boss, dat fellah frow watah ober me an’ hit me fus’ an’ I gotter do suftin’,” explained the coon. : F “He called mea liah, Pa’son, and said I was no good and a hayseeder, and ordered ‘me abaout the Ee jest as if he owned me, and I chucked a bucket o’ water on him, and he called me a liar.” “Neber did, boss, till he say I do all dem tings, an’ den I say he a liah if he say dat, an’ den he wen’ fo’ me, an’ de lawn mowah frowed us down.” : “He did so, Pa’son, he ordered me araound, told me to fetch a bucket 0’ wa- ” ter, called’ me) no good and everything eC. : f “Oh, boss, don’ 7 listen to um. Neber him. I wasn’ roun’ dis a way ‘tall, any- how. I was cuttin’ de grass, an’ when I get froo I come roun’ yer, an’ den he frow © watah ober me an’ make me fall ober de lawn mowah, and den I gets mad——” “Stop, stop! I can't allow this. What do you say Peter did, Jonas?” usher _ The hired man told his story over again, there being: no) difference in the main — oints.. j ? $ Bitsy Pg beth BOK ahae ..“ What made you dothat; Peter?” asked / _ d SURELY the Parson. fet itof thestomach and — was doubled up in a jiffy. n’, neber said nuffin’ to ~

Page 39

’ between the two y vi THE PARSON'S BOY. Peter denied lag tea: done anything as alleged by Jonas, and backed up his asser- tion with the most solemn declarations. The Parson did not know what to think. Pete already carried the little hatchet for truthfulness, but Jonas was considered credible as well, although he did not have he unsullied word for vere acity that Pete ro Ww ell, well, may be you've both made a mistake,” he said, * ‘and at any rate I can’t have any fighting about the place, so make +e up and don’t let me hear any more of i The belligerents went their separate ways, but the affair was by no means settled, TTT aT had she would not have thought anything about it. Just as she reached the bottom step and was about to go over to the vinegar barrel, she heard a whisper. “There's the hired givl. Not bad look- ing, hey, Bill 2” Sadie began to feel queer, but she made no sign. “Well smother her to-night and get the silver, won't we ?” ** Nobody twigged us going in here, did nee 2” Sadie wasn’t going to stay in the cellar after that, you bet. A couple of tramps had got in somehow, STN ** Goin’ to rob us. Come!” ’ Jonas went down into the cellar followed by Sadie. “Sh! Bill, there's the hired man. He never con fi nd us behind these barrels.” A cold sweat began to rush out upon the Yank’s high forhead. “Do you think you could menage him oes Jack, while I tackled the gal?” es, r U stick a knife in him as easy as nothing.” Jonas edged off toward the steps, feeling a little uneasy where he was. “ H’m, we must get ’em out o’ that,” muttered, ‘Behind them barrels, hey ” “* Go and get Peter to help you,’ " suggest- he d i | " * } te 24 0e ites ih ef, i Sadie’s face wus as red as fire, and she was as mad as they generally make ’em, =— = “© Well, I never!” she sputtered. Then she proceeded to more active measures than making explosive exclamations, *“Reckon I gib dat low white trash ez good ez he gib me,” muttered Pete, ‘an’ if he fool roun’ dish’ yer ge’man again he get hu’t, he do.” “Goldurn that pesky nigger,” ” remarked Jonas, as he went away, “Tain’t goin’ ter take no sass from him, I tell yer, and I’ll get hunk on him fur this here business, yu see if I don’t. On’y fur the Parson’s comin’ ‘long, 'd swatted him in the jaw.” Dick sould easily have kept up the fuss reaks ff he desired, but he knew that the Parson would give them both the bounce if there was any more trouble and so he left them alone. ; He-liked fun as much as any one, that young fellow did, but he wasn’t mean, and) e would never do a thing to get a fellow in_trouble. Both Pete and Jonas growled a bit, but as time went on they forgot their differ- ences and were as good friends as ever. During the afternoon Sadie had occasion to xo down cellar for something, a cup of vinegar or some molasses or something ‘else, and Dick sat just outside the open door whittlin Sadie went EN from the kitchen, the outside door being left open for light and . if she air, and she did not see Dick, an and meant to rob the house that night, and it was lucky she had discovered them. Out of that cellar she flew in a jiffy, and nearly fell over Dick, just outside. “Oh, Master Dick,” she whispered, “there's two men hid away in the cellar, and they’re going to rob and murder us all to-night.” “Well, go tell em they mustn’ t,” said Dick, quietly. “Tt won’t be convenient to- night.” “Lor! how can you talk so?” gasped that rattled maid of all work. ‘“Some- body’s got to go for the constable. Oh, there’s Jonas.’ The slab-sided Yank came along with a hoe over his shoulder at that moment, and Sadie said : “Oh, Jonas, what do you think? Some- body’s got i in the cellar, and—” “Wall, if the cider’s missin’, it ain’t me what's took it,” said Jonas, eager to defend himself. “T hain’t drinked any for tew weeks.” ““There’s two men in the cellar,” said Sadie, in a hoarse whisper, seizing Jonas by the arm. of “Dew, tell!” “What be tity, dewin’ r aoe “Have you got a gun ora pis- “Tthink Icould take that fellow’s eye out from heretf I wasn ‘tafraid of making too much noise, Bill,” “ Yes, and so could, I.” ‘ Jonas and Sadie dusted out of that cellar mi xhty sudden. “Hallo, what’s up?” asked Dick, as they ,came flying out, * They’s two tramps down there, and ton me going to rob and murder all hands o-night. a an’t you et "em out?” “ They’re hi behind the barrels.” “ Well, hunt’em ont, What good are you, anyhow ?” The coon now made his appearance, said Jonas said : ** Say, Pete, come down cellar a minute, There’ Ss ‘something there we want ter fetch up Ri A’ right, sah,” said Pete. “TI help yo" right away.” ust as they reached the cellar they heard a hoarse whisper : “Say, Bill, I reckon they are ontous — place, Ow. . k * Yes, and we'd better changeour hiding- —

Page 40

“Hm! Who dat?” asked Pete. .. “Sh! It’s two tramps.” “ Wha’ dey want?” “They expect to go through the house to- night.” ‘Ha! I jus’ like to cotch ’em.” : . Just then there came another whispered conference behind the barrels. * Are you all right now, Bill ?” “ Ves, I’m under the cider barrel.” “Dat am a funny place,” said Pete. *“Wha’ yo’ gwine ter do?” “Grocer!” called a shrill voice at the kitchen door. “There’s Jones,” cried Sadie. ‘* We'll get him down here to help us.” Jonas hurried up and presently came back with the grocer’s clerk. “Say; Bill, they're onto us... You'd better sneak,” H dus ; “Oh, I’m all right. Where are you?” “ Behind these boxes. They'll never find ‘me here.” The thief hunters withdrew to the cellar steps and held a council of war. “They don’t know we can hear ’em whisperin’,” said Jonas, “and we must be areful. We gotter get ‘em out o’ thet.” ** Haul down the boxes and things. and fetch em out,” said Jones. ‘““They’ve got guns!” cried Sadie, ‘‘ and they'll shoot.” «“ Ain’ afeared o’ dat,” sniffed Pete. ‘‘ We mus’ get ’em out befo’ dey kin’shoot.” . A neighbor's hired man happened along {ust then and was-impressed into service. The four men, Sadieand Dick then went gown the cellar again and the work of dis- bdging the tramps was begun, Dick did not do any smore work than was absolutely necessary, you may be sure, pe He suggested pulling down this and ' that, and pulling away the other thing,’ Jaying out work for thé rest but doing none imself, “ Say, Bill, there coming our way. We'll have to shift ourselves.” ' Yes, crawl behind that pile of pork barrels,” i There was the accumulation of years down in that cellar and some of the stuff there had not been moved in the memory of the oldest inhabitants. ‘he Parson had often, threatened to have the place cleaned out, but he had not done so up to date, ; “We'll Cat at them in a jiffy,” said Dick. “‘ Now then, let’s have ’em out of this.” Boxes, barrels, tubs, firkins and buckets were moved, all sorts of rubbish was tum- bled over and still there was no trace of the tramps. They would be heard whispering together ESS time to time but could never be lo- cated, © : 2 The Parson joined in the. search and so did Squire Muddle and Brother Sam Avery, who had called upon business connected with the church. © . Dick had that whole gang hunting over the cellar till all hands were covered with dust, cobwebs, perspiration, green mould and whitewash, Finally all the stuff except a big hogs- head overin one corner had been shifted and still the robbers eluded discovery. Jonas and Pete had axes, Jones carried a crowbar, the Parson and Muddles had lighted candles, Sadie had a broom, the ee: hired man lugged a spade, and Dick had nothing except his cheek, which was better than all. ; _ here was only the big hogshead over in sn angle of the wall left undisturbed, and ‘it did not seem possible that the thieves sould get behind that. The whole gang stood around it, expect- wey upon their faces, Dick in the rear in a safe place, and no one daring to breathe. Then came some more whispers on the dart of the hunted robbers, “ T's Ui ky we got in this hogshead, WBE Pe es i : “ Yes, they'll never think of looking for _ 8 here, Bill.” . ; } - - Aha, at last, the thieves were caught ! “Dey am in de tub,” whispered Pete. Now we cotch ’em shuah.” “Yas, b’gosh, we'll bust open the ba’l and have’em eout,” said Jonas. _.. Without further parley, and as though by preconcerted arrangement, Pete and ft “left, and he and good luck were still on .tramps were forgotten. THE PARSON'S BOY. Jonas raised their axes and struck the side of the cask a dandy old crack. As though by a mutual understanding they both struck alongside the bung, one on the right side the other on the left. Atthe second blow there was a pop,a wooden plug flew out and took Muddles in the ear, while a stream of water squirted over the rest of the gang. : That hogshead was no more or less than a water butt for waste rain’ water, and in time of drought came in handy. A pump connecting with it was in the kitchen, but all hands seemed to have for- gotten this fact. The water came rushing out and all hands got a ducking and beat a retreat. Our Dick was all right, of course: for it wasnot the sort of day when he was being speaking terms. Away dusted the’ crowd and the two Finally, when the water, ceased. coming out with such a rush, Jonas and Peter put back the bung and drove it in tight. ‘Ton’ b’leve dem fellers was dere ’tall,” sputtered Pete. ‘‘ Whoeber heerd ob tramps gettin inter watah like o’ dab?’ The cellar had a good cleaning out for onee, at any rate. ‘The tramps were not found nor Was the house robbed. : Nobody seemed to know just what be- came of the robbers, but the Parson, in thinking the matter over afterwards, said to his wife: ; “Té seems rather singular that we did not find them. _Was Richard down there ?” * You don't suppose he let the men out, do you, Parson?” retorted Mrs. Richard- | wa “The idea of blaming that innocent oy.” /! “Tt merely occurred to me that perhaps the whole thing-was a hoax, and that pos- sibly Richard might explain——” ‘the idea! You blame that poor in- nocent boy for everything!" interrupted Dick’s mother, and the Parson had to give up his half formed theory and change the subject... The merest reference to the possible in- strumentality of Dick’s in the bringing about of the affair, no matter how slight, was enough to put the lady on her high horse at once and the Parson was glad enough to talk about something else. That little snap of Dick’s had one good result, at all events, for the cellar got a, cleaning which it might not have had in | years. Things that had been long lost were brought to light also, and our young scamp ae a pooe benefactor in that way. _ You don’t want to give the young rascal ; too much credit, however, for he only went into the snap for the fun of it, and it grew upon him as it progressed. _ : There was a slight scare in regard to the robbers, but not much of one after all, such a thing as a burglary being poem un- heard of in town, and so you could not even get up a scare on the subject of the possible happening of such an event. One morning a few days later the Par- son was late to breakfast, having been call- ed up in the middle of the night to marry a couple who lived away off in the back- ‘ ‘woods and could not get in earlier. The good man being broken of his rest, slept later than usual and had his breakfast by himself, the others having finished. Sadie came in to see if he wanted any- thing when he was pegging away at his grub, but he paid no attention to her. Dick was just outside the window, and here was a snap all ready for him. f “Come here, my little darling, and kiss your ducky d les.” Sadie was considerably surprised, not to say shocked, at hearing such language from the parson. Some girls would have liked it, but she did not. : She had a fellow, and he was young and. good-looking, while the Parson was old and married, “She did not pay any attention to the Par- son but. began dusting around the room. “Come here. I say, my old sweetheart, and let me kiss you. ‘Well, I never did!” gasped Sadie. “What'll your wife say ?” : - came, “Ah, go on, don’t be so kittenish. Come } kiss your ducky.” “Ain't you ‘shamed of yourself, Mr. Richardson 2” cried Sadie, giving the table a thump, and glaring savagely at the Par- gOn, ‘i The latter glanced up as he was about to raise a cup of coffee to his mouth. “The idea of your talking like that!” re- sumed Sadie. The Parson did not know. what all the indignation was about. a ‘What did you say, Sadie? What’s the matter?’ he asked. “The idea of aman of your age, and mar- ried, too, talking like that!” “ Like what?” gasped the Parson, at his ke end to explain the sour looks of the girl. ‘ “Oh, you know very well what you said,” sputtered Sadie. ‘“I’vea good mind to tell ‘your wife, and I would, too, if it wasn’t for making trouble, The idea of saying such things!” ‘he Parson was decidedly rattled. ‘ He couldn’t make out head or tail of the uss. “Say what things?, I did not say ae Pees except ‘Come and kiss me, you little darling.’’ f Dick put the finishing touch on that speech. “Oh, you didn’t, eh?” stormed Sadie. “Well, that’s quite enough, [ should say.” * Don't get too gay, old sweetness. Come and give your baby a kiss.” Sadie’s face was as red as fire, and she was as mad as they generally inake ‘em, “Well, I never!” she sputtered. , Then she proceeded to more active meas- ures than making explosive exclamations., PART XIx. *S.A DIE, the hired girh.at the Richard- son's, wasn’t going to stand any nonsense. Three or.four times the Parson had asked her to kiss him, or she thought he had, and her mad was away up. 4 “Tl kiss you—over the left!” she snorted, as she suddenly 3 of the table cloth. } ‘She gave it one good yank, and away it- ishes, coffee pot, tray, knives and forks and all. } The table was stripped bare in half a shake, and the Parson suddenly found his breakfast departed. ; 'He started back, upset his chair, nearly fell over it himself, and gasped out in as- tonishment : : “Why, Sarah, what on earth is the matter ?” I “Tl show you what's the matter,” snap that mad girl. *‘The idea of it, a married old man like you asking a respec- table girl to kiss him, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, and I won’t stay in. the honse anothey minute, and I'll tell your wife, and I'll tell my young man, and I'll scratch your face if you come near me, oh, dear, oh, dear, wow-wow, 00-00-00h !” Sadie had rattled on till she had worked herself into a fit of hysterics, upsetting the chairs, kicking the dishes about, and finally exploding into one grand weep. own on the floor she planked herself, gue began to yell and blubber like a big: calf. This isn’t apatheticstory, and so I don’t have to work up the agony in the society _novel style. The Parson didn't for the life of him know what was up. y : He had never suspected the hired girl of sage a drop teo much, and didn’t now, in ct. e : Neither could he accuse her of an over- weening passion for novels, “ Area Mary’s. Beau,” ‘Lord. Slovel’s Old Slippers,” “Will She Skake Him?” and the rest, by which her nerves had been unstrung and’ her digestion impaired. ‘ The ay a he could think of was that the slavey had always been a little touched in the head, and that good living had brought on insanity, “Dear me, Inever suspected anything of the sort,” he sasped, as this conclusion eame over him. ‘I hopeshe won't be dan- gerous. ; Sadie oo the louder the longer she was at it, and, just as the Parson conclud- / { 9 bbed hold of the corner 3 \

Page 41

? ‘care, it's just like him. to THE PARSON'S BOY. ‘ed to beat a retreat, in came his wife, at- tracted by the fracas. “What in the world is the matter?’ she asked, Dick skipped out, for the snap could take care of itself now. “Sh! I’m afraid we'll have to send her to the hospital,” whispered the Parson. * She’s insane, beyond a doubt.” : Sadie heard this, and jumped to her feet in a jiffy. “T ain’t crazy, neithér, Mis’ Rich’dson,” she sputtered, ‘“‘but that white-headed old villain ought to be ashamed of himself, and he'd like to make me crazy if he could, but, Iwon’t stay another minute. in the place, and if you don’t want to give me my ~ ki Bia =) “For heayen’s sake, Sadie, will you stick to the point?’ interposed the Par- son’s wife. “‘Are you crazy or. what? Now sit down and tell me just what is the matter.” “The Parson asked me to kiss him and said I was his little darling and his’ bahy and if that ain’t enough to make a respect- able girl mad what’s engaged herself and to an honest, hard-working man, what——” ‘There, there, that will do, that will do, The Parson asked you to kiss him?” * Yes’m, and if that ain’t enough to rile you up I'd like to——” “« And called you his darling ?” **Ves, he did; and wanted me to kiss him and I got somad I could have chucked LL) Lith It was barely possible that the Parson might havesaid the wards imparted tohim ~ in a fit of absent-mindedness, although he was somewhat old for that sort of business. Mrs. Richardson quieted the excited Sarah and then went to the Parson and asked for an explanation. “T never said anything to her,” he re- marked “but she got excited and finally ee everything off the table. It does eat all how everybody acts around this house. I shall go insane myself. if they don’t stop.” ‘ «And you did not ask her to kiss you and call her your darling ?” “What nonsense!” and the good man had to laugh. ‘‘That’s the best yet. Why, AAA ccc | *¢T’ll kiss you—over the left!” she snorted, as she suddealy ‘grabbed hold of the corner of the table cloth. She © ; gave it one good yank,'and away it came, dishes, coffee pot, tray, knives and forks and all, ~ month’s wages, you needn’t, andI don’t keep me out of "em and I'll let everybody know all about it and T hope you can’t get another girl in memcpy. Ror goodness sake, Sarah, whatare you talking about?” interrupted Mrs. Richard- son, the Parson having retreated inorder to escape the terrible racket. “T’m talking about the Parson, mam, and the way-he goes on, insulting a_re- spectable girl what's engaged to be martied toa decent feller, and him married too, and white headed, and has children of his own, and old enough to know better, but I'll be even with him, I will, for Pl tellmy feller and——” _.. 4 ti “Stop, stop. Ican’t make head or tail out of what you are saying. What has the Parson done?” “Asked me to kiss him, and called me his little darling, the white headed old snoozerand me engaged to be married and always knowed my place and never pre- sumed on it and everybody, can tell you the same but that’s the way with qou country folks, you let the Irish ride all over you, but theA merican girls haven’t any rights at all, and—— him out the window if he is a minister and no——” ‘ “He asked you to kiss him?” “Yes, he did, I told you that before, and if it ain’b enough to——" “And called you his darling ?” . “Yes, he did, and you needn’t keep ask- ~ing me as if you didn't believe me, and I don't careif you do or not. Tvehad alll’m going to of his nonsense, and I won't stay another——” \ “There, there, don’t get excited,” said the lady, quietly. ‘‘I only wanted to be sure of the matter, for the way you went on I wasn’t certain whether your young man had asked you to kiss him and you were engaged to the Parson and your young man was married and had children an ought to know better, or the Parson or what. In fact I don’t believe you know yourself,” 4 The fact of the matter was Mrs. Richard- son was not a jealous woman, and that bee him to solve the present mystery. She presumed that Sadie had misunder- stood and had gone off her base in a hurry without stopping to have things explaine and that the more she went on the worse { she got. I would be an idot to say such a thing. Kiss that girl? Why, her face makes me tired When I look at it, Excuse me, my dear, I did not mean to use slang, but’ you know what I mean.” : Mrs. Richardson laughed, and nothing more was'said about the matter. Dick discovered how mad Sadie was and so he patched up the affair so as not to have a disturbance. | ¢ Sadie was at work in the kitchen, her anger still raging when she*heard Jonas say! } ‘Yue a blank fule that’s what-yu are, Sarah.” : Ht “Don’t you talk to me, you ugly looking thing,” snapped Sadie, without looking up. «“ The idee of blamiw the Pa’son. Didn't yu know it was me?” > wi “‘Didn’t I know what was you?’ demand- ed Sadie, turning around. : She didn’t see Jonas but she heard his po a footsteps. i “ What axed yu tu kiss me yw old fule, of course?” _. % A ; ** You did?” snapped Sadie. a “Yas I was outside the winder.” “Till flx you for that,” sputtered that mad servant gal. ; ae:

Page 42

paced bed up a pail of water and rush- out. Dick barely escaped getting a ducking, for he skipped just ins time. 2 “Hallo, Sadie, what’s eating you?’ he called out at a safe distance. ' “Oh, excuse me, Mr. Dick, I was going ‘to duck that Jonas, I didn't know you was around,” “Well, you’ve washed the walk at all events and it needed ascrubbing,” laughed Dick, as he walked away. Jonas got a clout over the head with a wet dish towel when he finally showed up and was very much astonished. Sadie fired him out of the kitchen when he asked for an explanation, and there was war between them for two days. The hired girl didn’t leave, and she apolo- ge to Mrs, Richardson and explained er mistake, and after that everything was lovey and the goose was very much ele- vated. You could leave Dick alone for getting out of a scrape, and having put that snap into good shape he was ready for another. It chanced that in a day or so a traveling eh pher came along that way, and esired to take a picture of the house and also the portraits of every person who lived. therein, singly or in a group, he didn’t care which, He was after stamps, and it was imma- terial to him in what manner he made them so ig te he made enough. He had a big wagon in which was his ‘ gallery, his living rooms, and all his estab- ishment, so that he was always at home - wherever he was. i pigs, likenesses of your 4 Hitching his team on theside of the road oepeaite he house, he came over to the arson’s and opened negotiations. “Go and to him, Dick,” said. Mrs. Richardson. ‘We don’t want the house taken, but if you want a picture of your- self you can have it.” Pete, the coon, came nosing along just then, and seeing the i ah asked :~ “Am dat a cirkis; Marse Dick? eNO’, fader. won’ ‘low dat, will he?” : “No, it ain’ta cireus, it’s a traveling pho- tographic establishment.” bt Yas, dat’s what I tort m’se’f,” remark- ed Pete. ‘Looks like a ho’se, don’ it, ai eons gu esl. datkned ‘nl id *Git aout, yu gol durned n r,” sai Jonas; who came up just that” Hiat's a aloes taker, that is. Dont’ yu know noth- in’?” ; “Can I do anything for you to-day, young man?’ asked the peripatetic photo- pher, approaching. ‘“ Any views of the ouse, grounds, ee cae points, famous spots in the neighborhood, portraits of celebrated horses, cows. sheep or prize family, friends, re- atives or neighbors, by themselves orin a group, highest satisfaction given, lowest price asked, testimonials from seventeen presidents, forty-one cabinet ministers, seventy congressmen, and the governors of nearly ——— ; “Who's turning the crank?” asked Dick. * Are you wound up for all day, or will.you stop whenever you feel like it?” “Say, Marse Richard, kin. I hab my " picter tooken?” asked Pete, “I neber had one, I didn’t.” Sadie now joined the. group, and Dick said to the artist : ; “Suppose you take the gang, what do you say? Stand them out by the gate, or on the piazza, just as you like.” : “Do you want to be included?’ asked ' the artist, with an eye to business, “No, not this time, Where’ll you have -’em, out here in the, gallery ?” “Tt’s immaterial to me. What'll you have, imperial, cabinet, tintype, crayon finish, oi ean 2 or porcelain, all in the very best style known to——” ‘Oh, give us_a rest,” laughed. Dick. ‘Do you think I’m.a millionaire ? Give us a tintype group, that won’t take much bapa four for a half, or something like that.” “A group ought to be large, something “like a dollar for one, very fine, every figure -showing to-advant , make a fine orna- ment for a parlor, faces colored, jewelry gilded, dresses——” bs 4% “Never mind the frills,’ said Dick. '“ Give.us four smaller ones, or two if you like, we can haye two positions, Come on, & y - to look pleasant.” * Imagine your best fellow has come to THE PARSON'S BOY. trot out your shooter and I'll pose the freaks.” ; The artist got out his camera, and Dick posed his collection of beauties under a tree where there was a good light, Sadie: in the middle and Pete and Jonas right and left. The artist got under his black tablecloth and squinted at the png. “Turn your head to the right, you hay- seed!” . Jonas moved and the photographer waved his hand to stop him. “Give no more of your back talk, you smoked Irishman.” “ Don’ yo’ be so fresh, yo’ fellah,” mutter- ed Pete, turning around, “Stand still, can’t you?” cried the pho- tographer, coming out from under the cloth. “YT can’t get a picture if you wobble like that.” “Go on, you dont know nuthin’ about picters, you don't.” The artist looked mad, and Dick whis- pered : ““Never mind him, he’s of no account. Try ’em again.” * he artist stood his group as he wanted and ducked under the cloth, ** Look pleasant now, you gillies. Oh, Sadie, ain't you a daisy.” Everybody grinned and the artist was delighted. ‘ “Very good, yoy good, only I wouldn’t smile quite so much. . 5 “ You make me smile, you big cow.” “Never mind her,” said Dick, in a low tone, ‘‘She’s often taken that way.” “That’s very good,” said the artist, sticking in his plate and putting on a cap. “ As you are now, don’t move, and be sure 0 take you to the ** Ah, very good, that’s it,” said the artist. “Now, then, don’t move,” and he took off the cap and grabbed up a rubber ball, for this was an instantaneous picture. circus. “Took behind you, came the order a second Jater. ~ The artist had turned his back and given the ball a squeeze. ** Look this way, blast your ugly skin.” Pete whisked around ia a iifty, and was position when the artist saw him. “Ah, I think we'll get something very fine,” he said, taking out the plate and go- in ing, into his den. ‘ Pretty soon he came out, looking very mad. > “One of you folks moved,” he said. “What sort of a picture is that?” In the picture you could see a fine view of the back of Pete’s head, while Sadie and Jonas had grins on them that would have discounted a Cheshire cat. “ Yo don’ know how ter take anyhow, yo’ don'!” t&** Never mind what he says,” put in Dick. “I'll take one of those pictures. You'd better try them again.” “Now, then, do try and keep still,” mut- tered the artist,as he came out with a second plate. FO uap shet up yourself and they won't be ” picters, NO Noise. : i The artist glowered at Jonas as if he would like to slug the inipudent Yank, but Dick whispered: “That’s all right, he dosen’t mean any harm. Don’t pay any attention——” The artist got under the cloth, humped up his back, waved his arms and tried to fix his group. ~ “ What a lot of jays you are, anyhow ! That girl's face would stop a car.” There were black looks on more faces than Pete's just then. 2 Come, come, that won't do, look pleas- t. “Pil bus’ yo! in de snoot, dat's wha’ I do to youse.” etd The artist came out from under his cloth. “T'll smash’ that coon in the jaw if he gives me any more lip,” he growled. “Ah, go on—don’t mind him,” said Dick. * How's the focus?” ; * All right.” - “Then let her go.” is nibbs put in his plate and got ready. ‘Now then, steady—don’t move.” He turned his back just for half a shake. Buzz-zz-zip! , ¥,) ou black moke,” . his hand ‘durned if it ain’t.” There was a bee hovering around th ; ne ber Jonas. a at The hired man gave it a crack, or thought — ‘ he did. , ube picture was taken at that very mo- ment. ; When it was brought out for inspection all you could see of Jonas was a big han in front of his face. Pete and Sadie showed nearly the backs. of their heads, as they had turned at the same time Jonas had raised his hand, * The artist was disgusted. “How.do you suppose I can get a good picts if you will keep moving?” he mut- te red, * Vou don’t know how to take pictures anyhow, ‘ow don't.” ‘ No sah, yom no good, I do dat bettah “T wouldn't call myself an artist, I wouldwt if Iwas He , “PU swat you allin the jaw if you talk to me, you misfit jays.” The group broke up and came toward the artist. ~ “Swat mein the jaw, will “Just you try it, once.” . “Gol durn ye, don’t ye gimme no sass.” The artist began to get alarmed. _ “What's the matter?” he cried. ‘‘I can't get.a good picture if you will move.” “Tt's all right,” said Dick, interposing as” the artist retreated. “Tl take one of that sort if you'll finish it up,” he said to the sphotogenes whom he followed into his den. P “Well, all right, but I'd like to get a good picture.” yo'?” ; Dick would a good deal rather have the : two he had, however, than a better one, The snap shooter soon came out and took another squint at the group. ‘ “ Couldn't you hug nogger, sis? It'd look immense.” Wee : “Well, I guess not,” sputtered Sadie, coming forward. “There, there, that’s far ee > $-you'}) be too big!” shouted the artis waving He didn’t know what the trouble was, of course. ' “* Neber min’ it, Sadie. I wouldn’ let yo Rup me ef yo wan'ed ter.” “Whar dat nigger?” asked Pete. “Thet’s rough on yu,” chuckled Jonas, “Well, I never!” stormed Sadie. “Will you keep quiet?” screamed the artist. Dick was having lots of fun, but he look- ed as innocent as a polywog in a brook. | “Stand still, folks,” said he, “The mam can’t get a good pee if you don’t.” fj “That's right; try and keep them quiet,” said the camera fiend, “I never saw such a fidgety gang.” : Then he car pees oo once more and took a sight at his subjects.’ 5 “Tf yowd kiss the girl, Pete, it look as fine as silk.” : Then there was another outbreak. “Well, I guess I’ve got something to say about that.’ “ He-haw, thet’s a ‘would. good one on yu, Sairy, “Dear, dear, can’t you keep still?” howl- ed the artist, coming out. ‘“* What's the: matter with you all.” “You van leave me outof the group alto- p- gether!” snarled Sadie. “T wouldn’t let you oars me if you gimme a hundred dol- ars!” i Ah, yowre no. good anyhow, you chew gum and squint.” — Sadie made no reply to this slanderous. remark, but went off, tossing her head in theair, . : “Come on, we'll get a good picture of you this time,” said Dick. ‘Don’t go off mad.” Sadie was induced to come back and the artist stuck in his third plate. : “Now then, as you are, look pleasant, don’t move,” he said, as he fixed his people. “This one will be good, I know.” ~ That remained to be seen, PART XX. ’ ‘ HIS time the photo artist expected A to get a dandy picture of that. group of museum freaks. , He had failed a couple of times. but now everything promised well and he >

Page 43

smiled blandly as he prepared to press the ‘button. ** Hallo, look here.” Somebody behind him had suddenly called him, or he thought they had and he turned, “ Turn your head on one side, Pete.” Pete obeyed, thinking the photographer had spoken. * Look down, you, Jonas.” Jonas inclined his head till you could only see the top of it. * Firel’ The photo suddenly and made the exposure. “ That's all.” The group thought the artist had spoken and broke up. ““ Here, here, what are you about?” he asked. Yo’ tol’ us dat was all,” said Pete. “Le’s see dat picter. Reckon it am a good one.” .- On yes, it was a dandy, and no mis- take, j oe The top. of Jonas’s head and the back of Pete’s was all you could see of those gillies. The photographer was mad and refused to take ay more pictures of such an un- easy crowd. Dick took a sample he of the pict- ures, and then had e man take: the house and Sadie and Pete separately, the artist being satisfied. He went on into town, where he set u his stand and got on fairly well, an Dick busied himself about other matters. The next day, not long before dinner er there came a tramp to the kitchen oor. He was the worst looking specimen of a bum you ever saw. ; His hair was long and tangled, his beard had not seen a razor or scissors for weeks, the virgin soil lay thick upon his hands and face, and cold water was his deadly aversion. His clothes had been purloined from mis- fit parlors, borrowed from solitary and un- rotected scare-crows, or fished out of ash- ia for they were the worst imagina- e. One trouser leg was tight and of blue jeans, the other was too loose and was of a very loud check, the two being fastened together with snap-and-catch-’em clothes pins and ends of wire, _ j * He wore aswallow-tail coat with one tail missing, a dirty yellow vest minus the but- tons, and a faded flannel shirt much too small, his hat being a combination of stove-pipe and straw, and his foot-gear one boot and one low russet shoe. A battered tomato can stuck out of his coat-tail pocket, and he chewed medita- tel, on a straw as he wafted himself for- ward. » There was no need for him to knock, as the kitchen door was open and Sadie saw him afar off. “Get away from here!” she yelled while yet he was far from the door. “‘Get away, tell you!” Retiring modesty, timidity and girlish bashfulness had no part in that tramp’s make-up, and he advanced as though hs had not heard. “Get out of here, you dirty-looking vil- lain, or I'll set the dog on you,” was Sa- die’s greeting as he came up to the door, “‘Good-morning, missus, you're lookin fine,” said the unabashed and unwashed. “Got anything for a poor war veteran to- day? No, I haven't, Tl scald ie ae * As Sadie grabbed up a monster two-quart dipper and started for the stove, it was aor evident she meant all she said, She was not given to joking, Sadie was and if you don’t get out - not, and tramps were her particular and pet abhorrence. . “Ah, go on, give a fellow something,” said the bum. ‘TI ain’t particular about the vittles being cold, neither. I’d just as leaves take ’em hot.” . hae “T’ll give ’em to you hot enough, if you don’t clear out of here, you lazy, shiftless, good-for-nothing loafer,” ‘returned Sadie, sousing the dipper into the"hot water res- ervoir on the back of the stove. The tramp moped, not having any espec- » ial and overweening desire to have a square i sles ‘ ~ apher jumped, turned around aera a ean pene litte panama ethene emensatioeass epee temps ptr a AS A THE PARSON'S BOY. yard of his cuticle stripped off by the ac- tion of superheated aqueous fluid. Dick was in the neighborhood, being up- stairs behind the blinds, just overhead, and he heard the whole business, The tramp sneaked around the corner of the house, and Sadie put the hot water on the table, where she could grab it up at a moment's notice. “ Sst, st. Mister Tramp, sh!” Surely the hired girl -was calling him in a hoarse whisper, and the tramp turned. Sadie was at one of the side windows, her back turned to him. “You hang around here till I go to the _ barn and I'll fie you all right.” A smile like the a Jew pawnshop r: um. “Well, she ain’t so bad, after all,” he gurgled under his whisky-laden breath. “ Yes, you just keep shady till I sneak, and then come in. Yowli find a table ‘ull of stuff.” Pv eh ou think he would accept litter of a diamond in Well! don’t an invitation of that size? Rawther! as our London cousins re- mark. ; i ‘Well now, she ain’t so bad, she ain’t. Reckon she was only bluffing before ’cause the missus was ‘round. Oh, [’]l keep shady, you bet.” sf Tu ust sneak behind that water butt and you're all right.” ? “Yes’m, I know when things is high, I do, you can gamble on that.” “ Sadie, oh, Sadie! Come here!” The Parson’s wife wanted something evidently. The hired girl turned suddenly and saw the tramp still near the house. ? * Come now, you clear out of this or Til scald all the hair off your head, you dirty loafer,” cried Sadie, in loud tones, ‘ “Sadie, oh, Sadie!” It was Mrs. Richardson was ina hurry, apparently. * Yes'm, ’m arenes Nae The tramp ‘sneaked in Short order and got behind the water butt. E “She had ter purtend to be mad, ’cause the missus was coming,” he snickered. ** She's the right sort though, she is.” “ Sadie, Sadie? Are you ever coming 2?” “What's the matter now ?” sputtered the irl. ‘‘ What can she want o’ meso near inner time ?” Then she went to the door, but could see no one. “ 3 again and she “Yes’m! Where are you?” } “Come down to. the barn. Whitey has laid two eggs!” : ‘** Well, I never!” exclaimed Sadie. “Who'd ha’ thought that of old Whitey. She hain’t laid an egg before in.a month.” She grabbed up asun-bonnet and sneak- ed off fo the barn in two shakes. “ Now go in there. and help yourself, my goodman. Eat all you want.” . The tramp behind the water butt heard this invitation and availed himself of its provisions in short order. There were provisions enough, too, and no mistake. ~ % There was a cold boiled ham, a big apple pie, a dish of hot corn just out of the boiler, a lot of boiled potatoes, a plate of bread, a bow] full of doughnuts and a cake stuffed with raisins, currents and citron. Sadie had scarcely turned her back when the bum sneaked into the kitchen and be- held the feast awaiting him. “Oh, Moses! Is there so much to eat in all the world?” he gasped, ‘*Help myself? Well, I should snicker.” He grabbed a chair and drew up to the festive board without delay. There was no use in wasting time on knives and forks when there was so much to get away with. e grabbed the ham in one hand and the pie in the other and began to gorge. The pie had the first call, and he bita regular quarter section out of it in a twink- ling. Mien his grinders closed upon the ham, and fat, lean and bone gave way before his ravenous attack, 5 an himself, eat all he wanted to, in- ee You can take chances on it that he would do both, The pie was. half dispatched and a big iated the face of the. hole made in the ham when Sadie re- turned. She had not found Mrs. Richardson, and the old white hen was sitting on a lot of door knobs, lumps of chalk and China eggs. in the evident belief that she was about to hatch out a big brood of fluffy little chicks. ‘Where is she?” sputtered Sadie. ‘The idea of calling me just when dinner is ready to go on the table !” ‘* Sadie!” ; This time it was the Parson’s wife for sure, and not that rascal Dick, ““Yes’m!” yelled. Sadie, skipping out of the barn. ° Mrs. Richardson was standing on the piazza calling. ; 3 “‘Wonder how she got there?” muttered Sadie. “It jist beats all.” “*Put on an extra plate, Sadie,” said the mistress. “Squire uddle has dropped “Oh!” snapped Sadie as she. waltzed around to the kitchen. As she entered she saw that tramp help- ing himself to a and ham with his eye on the corn and other dainties. re She let out one terrible scream and made a dash for the broom. < “Mrs. Rich’son, Parson, Dick, Pet®, Jonas, Squire, everybody, come quick!” she yelled. ‘‘There’s robbers in the house.” The tramp dropped the ham, put the re- mains of the pie in his pocket, slipped off _ his chair and said reproachfully: “Now, that’s what I call sneaky, to bone on a feller arter givin’ him afree invitation and tellin’ him to help hisself and eat hearty. I didn’t think that o’ you, Sis, £ really didn’t.” ; “Get out of here, you nasty thing, get out or I’ll break your head. The idea of settin’ down to the table like that and helping yourself. Dick, Parson, Squire, Pete, Jonas, everybody! x Dick, and the Everybody came, even tramp was cornered. ; Sadie had given him one on the ear with the hard end of the broom, and he had . ‘dusted behind the stove, not being able to reach the door. In came the gang, the Parson and his wife, Pete, Jonas, hae Muddle, : and lastly our Dick himself. se ieee what does this mean ?” “Why, Sadie, Tam astonished.” “ Jus’ lemme get hol’ ov dat fellah once.”” “ Be thet yure mash, Sairey ?” Dick said nothing, but he looked just too innocent for anything. Just see the impudence of him, Mis’ Rich’son,” gasped Sadie. ‘When you called me to come to the barn, he sneaked’ in and helped himself and I'd drove him or Bat t didnt call “Bu idn’t ca’ ‘ou to come to the barn, Sadie.” : “Yes, you did, Mis’ Rich’son. You told me old Whitey had laid two’ eggs, and wanted me to come andsee ’em.” SS est let, me get-hold o’ thet ugly cuss, if I don’t warm him,” muttered Jonas. _‘They ought to arrest all tramps on sight, that’s what,” said the Squire. “It's very singular,” remarked the Par- son. ; r '“T ain’t to blame, missus,” said the tramp himself, “and I wouldn’t give the oung woman away, nated I gotter turn a} 's evidence. She axed me in here her- self.” : “Oh, just hear him!” screamed Sadie. “Ain't you an awful liar?” Dick added that last, but all hands thought Sadie said it. “ Ain’t no liar, neither,” snorted the bum. ~“ You told me to sneak in-when you went to the barn, and help myself.” “Oh! will you just hear that?” screarted. Sadie, brandishing the broom. “Ain’t you , shamed to tell such lies?” ‘«* Hope ter die, missus, if it ain't the hon- est truth. She bluffed me fust off, ‘cause you was around, but then she told me to wait behind the water butt, and in and help myself when she went away.” ~ me “Oh! oh! how can you stand there and say that?” gasped Sadie. “I'd believe the tramp before I would weeny, Parson, h 3 “s y, Parson, how can you say that?” snorted Mrs. Hichardaoh, hele rife heard this remarkable declaration from her hus- band’s lips. bi. ‘

Page 44

i again i i, i THE PARSON'S. BOY. “You certainly did, Parson,” grunted Squire Muddle. * You did, for certain, Pa’son,” added Jonas. : _ JT heerd, yo’, boss, I raaly did,” said Pete. “ Get out, you flatheads, I said nothing of the sort. You're alla lot of chumps.” He es Parson, I am surprised.” “‘ Really, sir, I don’t like such talk.” “"Tain’ right, Pa’son, ‘taint ‘tall right.” PAAR “Kiss youagain!” howled Sarah. ‘Yes, I will, you dirty beast!" Whack—crack—smash! Sadie was a daisy on the broom drill, she was. She whacked the tramp a _couple of times, hit the Parson once and knocked Pete’s hat off, although she only aimed at the bunt. In the confusion the tramp got away, hnd was glad enough to you may be sure. Then Mrs. Richardson took Sadie to task for asking a tramp to dinner, while the Parson and Muddle went out. “Indeed, Mis’ Rich’son, Ddidn'task him in, the nasty, horrid thing, and he was just lying, I'd like to scald him, and the TTT got a great deal more than he had bargain- ed for. ri Sadie scalded him, Pete butted him, Jonas blacked both his eyes, and then the bees got after him, and he got things hot, and thought himself in Africa instead of New England. I don’t know what he said to the first tramp when the two met again, but it is quite certain that no more of the gentry bothered that house for the rest of the sum- mer. Dick gave his poor pop a rest for one time after that, and the Parson tiook a va- cation of three or four days, anyhow, so that the young fellow was forced to look As she entered she saw that tramp helping himself to pie and ham with his eye on the corn and other dainties, She let out one terrible seream and made a dash tor the broom, } Jonas, Squire, everybody, come quick!” she yelled. “Don’t go back on a fellow like that, ole man.” “¥ don’t know'what you are all talking abont,” said the Parson. ‘Sadie, I.am as- tonished at your inviting in that tramp. You know I don’t approve of them.” “Why, Parson, I never did. I wouldn’t do sucha thing. Youknow I hate tramps like all possessed.” “Yes, you do, in your mind. I bet.you kissed that fellow a dozen times.” ““ Why, Parson!” po All hands got at the poor man that ime, : “The idéal” snorted Sadie. “‘ Come, now,” fo the tramp, ‘ You get out of here or I'll break your head.” “Ah. comean. Give us another dozen, Sadie.” - : That was. worse and more of it. Everybody looked at Sadie as if. they thought that,she and the tramp had been having a flirtation. ee y, Sadie, I really am astonished!” “Didn’t fink yo’d kiss a ole tramp.” “That's all I wanter know of yer, Sarah.” “Never mind ’em, Sarah. Kiss me ny 2 t: ’ eae t = PN tr Sas Ve ae ds TRU wa oe i? idea of his asking me to kiss him. I never heard such impudence.” “Tt’s very strange, Sadie, and I would believe you if the Parson hadn’t said: i Ah, goon, old gal. I asked himinmy- Waa | The Parson had gone out, but his voice eame wafting down the hall, and Mrs. Richardson muttered : ‘ ““ Well, the idea! Ido think that man is getting worse and worse. Sadie, you can ae on the dinner. Cut off the best of the ape and let Peter and Jonas have the rest of it.” . “ Yes’m, and now I hope you'll believe me: The idea of the Parson asking that nasty tramp into dinner!” They all skipped out and the Parson's, wife said nothing to her husband, for she knew well enough that he would only deny haying said that he had invited the tramp, and that there would only be more fuss if she said anything. : That tramp met anotherof his own kind and told him of the great graft to be had at the Parsonage and advised him to take it in. ' The second tramp went around, but he .s ee apa ee ‘*Mrs. Rich’son, Parson, Dick, Pete, ** There's robbers in the house,” for some other fellow to practice his sci- ence upon. The other fellow was Pete, the slim- sided coon who was always easy to hum- bug. i Pete was out-on the lawn trimming some shrubs one day when he heard acoon on the other side of the fence ay i * Hi dere, yo’ Pete, come ober here.” “ Wha’ yo’ wan’, niggar?” muttered Pete. “Tse busy, I is.” re “Yas yo’ am. De on’y time yo'm busy am when yo eatin’ yo dinnah.” i Ton’ yo’ talk back to me, sah, ’cause L, won’ stan’ it.” oH “Yas yo’ will, yo’ gotter, Yo’ am de lazies’ coon in de hull town.” Pete straightened up, looked all around and saw no one but Dick sitting ‘on a Pere Maln “aht hi dat, Mistah o heah dat niggar say dat, Mista Richard ?” he asked, ve 7 : “Yes. Why don’t you slu him? “Cause he can't, dat's de reason. AR lick him wif one han’.” 2X ‘Juss yo’ come ont fiom ahin’ dat wall an’ doit denif yo’amsosmaht.” “T don't hab to. Yo’ come ober yer.”

Page 45

hy es ' tol’ yo’ wha de mattah wif yo’ THE PARSON'S BOY. “Shell Igo ober dere an’ poun’ him, Mistah Richard?” asked Pete. ‘‘ Yo’ don’ s"pose yo’ moder car’, will she?” “ Huh, yo can't poun’, nuffin’ yo’ can’t, o lazy. niggah. Come ober yer an’ I nock yo’ out putty sudden.” ‘Go on over and lick him, Pete,” said Dick. “I wouldn’t stand his lip.” Thus se emis Pete got up and walked towards the wall. ; Just then he heard the merry notes of a banjo right on the other side of the fence. “ Plunk-a-plunk, plunketty-plunk, zim- zim, plunketty-plunk I” | “*My wo’d! dat feilah kin play de banjo, he kin.” . The ‘sharp, clear cut notes of the banjo ! ‘““Why don’t you get over and lick him, Pete?’ asked Dick. “ He’s just under the wall, I San ae “Reckon déy can’t no willage nigger scare me,” muttered Pete. Then he got up on the wall and looked around. He was about to jump down when he heard a sudden warning. ‘Look out, niggah! Yo’ jump on mah razor if yo jump yer.” Pete was so rattled that he fell off the wall right intoa lot of wild rose bushes full of thorns. “ Buzz-zip-buzz-zz !” “Oh, fo? goodness sakes, de bushes am full ob ho’nets!” yelled the scared coon, as Just then there was a shriek and a groan, and a lot of surprised exclamations, the scene unknown to the two ecard players. he muttered as he picked himself up, “an” | I mought’s well go back to de ho’se.” . He went back and was about to enter the gate when a yoice suddenly exclaimed ; “ Don’ yo’ come in, yer nigger, or I'll cut yo fo’ shuah.” i t That was too much for Pete, and he dusted around to the rear of the house while Dick amused himself by imitating the song of a mocking bird in a tree an driving all the real birds crazy with envy- PART XXI. those days but school would begin % in a short time, and then there: would be more yet, for Dick. Two new arrivals had come upon They were two of the sisters of the Parson’s congregation, come to pay a visit to Mrs. Richardson. ‘ would have all the more fellows to re rd took all of Pete’s attention, and as the player proceeded, he stopped, entranced. The tune became more lively, and finally Pete could stand it no longer. That banjo playing. was too much for him, and he began to dance. The way he shuffled and turned and ‘shook his big feet was funny to see. “Stop o’ dat!” he cried. “‘Stop o’ dat, I Wha’ bizness yo’ ‘got playin de banjo de like o° dat?” The musie stopped, and Pete heayed a sigh, straightened out his legs and went over to the wall. He looked over it, but there was no one in sight. | ; 7 f : % Well, why don’t you lick him, Pete?” h asked Dick. i The coon’s eyes were as big/as salt cel- lars, “He ain’ dere, Mistah Richard,” he mut- tered atly surprised. n - Huh, yo'm blin’ an’ can’t see me, dat's “Den yom bidin’ bebin’ de bushes, an’ iy yom a scared to come out.” ‘Ain’ seared ob nuffin’! Yo'm scared -yo'se’f.” ; ; 5 > i ha SP eS oe a he rolled down the bank into the dusty road. The hornets were evidently after him _still, for he could hear them buzzing all around him. That boy Dick could imitate anything in the animal world from the buzzing of a bee or hornet, the singing of the festive mos- uito, orthe angry whirl of a mad wasp to the croaking of a sonorous bull frog, the braying of a musically inclined donkey, or the dullest warbling of a tom cat on the back fence. Not only that, but he could imitate the whizz and buzz saw, the creak of a wagon wheel, the tramp of a horse over a stony road, or the sig ing of the wind in the treetops, as well as the voice of any one he ever heard speak. : Pete was so sure that the hornets were after him that he ran at full speed dow the road and did not stop till long after h was out of the sound of that scamp Dick’s voice, i , Finally he did stop, but only because he stubbed his toe against a stone and fell - full length in the road. . “Reckon dem ho’nets go dber my head,” with his ventriloquism. The Parson came back from his three days’ vacation, and of course Dick had to include him in another snap, just as though a poor, good man had not had enough of em. It chanced that Pete and Jonas were out in front of the house one warm aofternon, when thére was really nothing to be done. and. the piazza looked mighty cool and shady, with its easy chairs, hammocks and quiet nooks. “Come here, boys,” the Parson seemed to a from his study window. Pete and Jonas came up, and at that mo- ment the Parson stepped out upon the pi- . aZZa. HERE was plenty of fun for Dick- a He merely wanted to rest fora few mo- — ments, think up an idea or so and then go back to work. . : The two men supposed he wanted to talk to them, of course, and the a respectful distance, waiting to hear what he had to say. The Parson posteely saw them, he was © so intent on his own thoughts. piientey e did not see Dick either, the latter ¢ a fees stood at —

Page 46

plas mine and risked it. o _ were in the soup. THE PARSON'S BOY. oe behind a rose bush not far dis- tant. Pete and Jonas waited patiently, and presently heard the Parson say: “There isn’t much to do to-day, boys, and you might as well amuse yourselves,” That was suck a self-evident propostion that neither the coon nor the Yank thought: it necessary to dispute or affirm ib. “Go get a deck of cards and} play eu- chre or seven-up, or anything else you like. The fellow that wins the most games in ten will get a dollar.” That was a decidedly novel proposition to come from the Parson. Pete and Jonas both looked at him in surprise. ~ : Then the Parson turned and went into his study, seeming to say as he retreated: * “Goon, get the cards and play. What are you scared of ?” ‘“* Nuffin’ ’tall, boss,” chuckled Pete. ** Remember, a dollar to the man who gets the most games in ten.” “‘ Wall, I reckon that dollar is mine fur sartin.” Gi “M—m ! dish yer is a puddin’, an’ no mistake.” _ The Parson took his seat at his desk and resumed his writing. . “Yo! wait yer, Jo, an’ I get de kyards,” said Pete. “All right, Petey. I'll wait, but don’t ye stack ‘em naow.” **Neber yo’ feah, Jo, I play squar’ ev’ry time, yo’ bet.” Pete moped but presently returned with a clean, new pack of cards. “ Wha’ yo’ wan’ ter play?” he asked, as he sat down and began to shuffle the paste- boards. - ; M “Wull, I'm putty good on seven-up, I ‘“« An’ I’se a dandy at casiner, I is.” ‘** S'pose we play euchre, then. Thet’s as fair fur one as ’tis fur t’other.” Pete chuckled inwardly, and if he had said anything, it would have been : “* Huchre! all, yer is whar I got oh, ip Tene pe cinch on dat hayseed. Oh, my! ain’ dis a puddin’!” onas did not say anything, either, but his tpelinie took this ‘turn : *“ H'm, thet nigger thinks I can’t euchre. Wall, I’ or no.” Pete began sorting out the cards, and asked : 4 Z 9 Yo’ wan’ de sebens an’ eights kep’ in, oP « “Wall, no, I guess not. There’s on’y tew on us. Nines an’ tens is enough, Thet’ll give us better hands.” , “ Does yo’ wan’ de joker, or jus’ de reg’lar kyards?” ; “Reckon, we'll leave thet aout. It ain’t accordin’ ter ee yer know.” - “ Who am he?” ** Why, a feller what writ all abaout all kinds 0’ games o’ cairds.” ‘An’ he say de joker ain’ none of de reg’- lark ards?” “Den we leabe it out. I don’ feel like — up agin sich a pow’ful kyard as lay jest show him if I can dat m’se’f. A fellah gotter hab two bowahs ace to do anyting.” \ ll, yer got ’em shoveled ?” r Highest deals in this, yer know.” ; Pete cut and got a knave. ““Thet on’y caounts fur a Jack in cuttin’, an’ “ a as “Then eut far deal. ew know,” said Jonas. “If I cut a queen beat yer.” ‘ “ A’ right, go ahead wif de music.” - Then Jonas cut and got another knave. “Cut ’em agin,” said Pete, “Dis' time yo’ go fus’.” , . That time Jonas got a queen and Pete uncovered an ace. ay, Then the coon dealt, turned up an ace of spades and held the leftbower, queen and two other aces. _ Pass,” said Jonas, who had a lot of diamonds. : Pete took it up and raked in a couple of points. 3) (> Rta $ ~ Then Jonas dealt, got two bowers and a een and king and a Pete had the ten, qui e Yank’s two bowers couple of aces, and t yaar | That made four points for the coon, and on the next hand he skinned out by just three tricks, **Reckon dat dollah am mine fo’ shuah,” he chuckled to himself. Tl] jest fule thet nigger an’ make him think J don’t know_haow ter play,” mused Jonas, ‘‘and then TU git him rattled an’ win the pot.” The second game wasa little closer, Jonas getting three points while Pete secured five. “‘ Dar'’s two games fo’ me an’ one o’’em a whitewash,” Said Pete, “Am dere any oder game yo’ play bettah dan dis? I wan’ to gib yo’ ashow fo’ de oe yo’ know.” ‘Never you mind me,” sai Jonas, deal- ing. “I've got a surprise party in store fur yer, I have.” ; Pete won the ba however, and Jonas concluded that he had better brace up if e wanted to win that dollar. . A run of good cards gave him that game and the next, however, and Pete won the sixth by ce one point. , Jonas collared the next twoand that made them even and the tug of war was close at hand. [fs was Pete’s deal and he had a fairly good hand, and one which would win pro- vided he could get the lead. Both players were excited and held their cards close to them so that the other might not guess what he had. s ae tu thet!” cried Jonas, slapping down the best bower with a thump, as excited players always do. “Dat’s on’y one trick,” sniffed Pete, as he chucked on asmall trump. ' ‘Play tu thet, goldurn yu,” cried Jonas planking down the ace with a bang. “py skin yure trumps this time, yu bet.” Pete fetched down the left on that ace with a whack, and led an ace of another suit and color. He took that, and ;then he led another ace. Jonas savagely banged down a small card of the same suit, and Pete nearly split a board with the vim with which jhe put down his last, and winning card, | Just then there was a shriek and a groan, and a lot of surprised exclamations, Two new arrivals had come upon the scene unknown to the two card as ers. They were two of the sisters of the Par- son’s SO ereae ua come to pay a visit to Mrs. Richardson, They were two of the worst cranks in the business. ; Card playing dancing, and all such amusements, whether in ulged in ration- ally or otherwise, were, in their eyes, abominations leading straight to perdi- on. The sight of those two fellows playing cards on the front piazza, and right under the Parson’s eyes, as it were, was enough to horrify them. _ “The idea, it’s enough’to freeze the blood in one’s marrer,” shrieked Sister Walker, with scant regard to anatomic truths. “Pjayin’ cards on the minister’s stoop,” screamed Sister Trotter, throwing up her hands. ‘ “T wonder they hain’t both been struck and killed dead.” “Tow can the Parson allow sech goin’s on right out in broad daylight,” “Just to think of it.” “Tt's nieckly capealons the Then Sisters Walker and Trotter both yelled and chucked up their hands. Pete and Jonas followed suit in the sud- den surprise. i “Ain't you afraid of destruction, young man 4 “T wonder the airth hasn’t) opened and swallered yer both, you sinful critters.” Playin’ cards right on the front piazza in sight of everybo 8 Ob! it’sawful!” Don’ fo'get dat Bot dat game,” said Pete. . “ Dat makes fi “Oh-oh-oh! the depraved creature!” e fo’ me. yelled Sister Trotter, with a face as long as Pong straight to a borse’s. Thet’s all right, missis,” drawled Jonas. “Parson gave us leave ter play yere.” — “Co’se he did,” corroborated the coon, *an’ tol’ us he'd gib.a dollah to de bes pie an’ U'm gwine ter git dat dollah, yo’ ti. f If the sea, fifty miles away, had at that moment rolled in uponand swamped them, rae reteset dl P. ST IIEIIIIII IIIS I I ae ee ‘haousehold. those two cranks could not have been more surprised. i They both let out a series of shrieks that were enough to split open all the graves within a mile. “The Parson allow them to play cards! » Horrible!” “ And giving a dollar to the best player! Awful!” “He'll have to be spoke to at once.” “T won’t go to his church another day!” Then there came more shrieks and a lot of hysterics. This time it aroused the Parson, who was not absolutely deaf, and he rushed out to see what was Ep It also alarmed Mrs. Richardson, and she ran out toysee who was hurt. Sadie also came upon the scene, impress- ed with the conviction that somebody was dead, e Dead people do not scream, as a rule, nor even as an exception, but then Sadie fate apt to get mixed in her ideas oceasion- ally. The scene that met the eyes of the good pate was a novel one, to say the least. There sat Jonas and Pete on the piazza, right in front of the Parson’s study, sur- he floor, and two horrified old hens mur- oe the quiet with their discordant yells. “Why, Peter, Jonas, how could you?” ** What is the matter, my dear? Jonas, what are these pictures thrown about?” ‘The idea of your permitting card play- ing, Mr. Richardson! I am shocked.” “To think that you would put a premium on aeeopret It’s outrageous.” The poor Parson was rattled, and didn’t know what to make of all this fun. The good man scarcely knéw what a pack of cards looked like, and to be accused of aid- ing and abetting gambling was something incomprehensible to him, “You shouldn't ages cards out here, Jonas,” said Mrs. Richardson, mildly, when the twoold guys gave her a chance to speak, « “Te Pa’son said we could, m’am, ’cause dey was’n nuffin’ ter do,” explained Pete. Pete carried the medal for truthfulness in that household and abroad was just as good, and Mrs. his reputation ichard- ments. i: “Yas’m, the Pa’son telled us tu_git the a an’ play right here,” added Jonas. That made things all the blacker for the ' Parson, and the two old fanatics groaned. “T don’t pisges the Parson meant real cards,” said the poor man’s wife, coming to her husband's rescue. “He probably meant ‘Authors’ or the ‘Battle of Words’, or something like that,” 7 Pete was too much of a crank on truth- telling to let this explanation pass, how- ever. : } He wasn’t one of the polite kind who de- clare that it isnot always advisable to let the truth be known. ; No, sir, he went in for the truth, ‘the whole truth and nothing but the truth, tararum, domino! : sys “No, missus; he didn’; he said distinckly to git a deck an’ play euchre or seben up, or anyting we liked, an’ dat am jus’ wha’ he did say. Yo' know I neber tol’ yo’ a lie yit, missus.” . The poor woman devoutly wished that he had done so once, just for ‘the sake of diversity. ? In fact he was too confoundedly truthful to suit the present emergency by all odds. Sister Walker and Sister Trotter both groaned, and the latter raised her black- mitted hands and whined: “Don’t try to shield the sinner, Sister Richardson. It’s yure duty to expose sin wherever yu find it, even in yure own I eypaphize with yu, sister, © I deeply sympathize,” as the walrus said when he ate the oysters, those of the larg- est size. “Yes, and_so du I,” sniffled the other saint, while Dick gave Sadie the wink to clear cards and players off the scene. ‘TI do indeed, Sister Rich’son, Let us ——” Sister Walker, how du? I ‘A voice from the road caused all hands to turn around, j pea. ‘ Wh thought yu was going ridin’ with Sam Brown.” ; bei rise on their faces, cards scattered over . son could not, therefore, discredit his state- ~

Page 47

_ the other old girl. THE PARSON’S BOY. Fi Ae A one-horse buggy was going by at that moment, 3 “There's old Ma'am Trotter, tew. She cavt flirt with Deekin Potter to-day, . "cause his wife's ter hum.” The bugey drove on, and the two old girls turned as red as beets. The occupant of the buggy was Squire Muddle, and he was known to be the big- gest gossip in the county. There was more truth than poetry in the intimations which he was supposed to have made and the two old frauds were terribly afraid that pe might get around. “Tra-la, old gals, don’t try to mash the Parson while his wifes around.” This remark came floating back upon the “You bet they won’t say a word about op’s allowing card playing now. They're oo much afraid their own little doings will come out.” Nothing did come of the affair in fact, and Sister Trotter and Sister Walker kept their lips buttoned. : It, was a mishap that they had seen the ame of cards,anyhow, for Dick had not arentaed ofsuch a chance; the surprise be- ing intended for his mother. “You must really stop getting so,ab- sorbed in your work that you do not know what you are doing, Parson,” said Mrs. Richardson, after the two cranks had one. “Just think what a scandal might ave been created.” A Lian RE oe --wind, for Dick could imitate, distant voices as well as those close at hand. “ What did you say?” asked the Parson, now that a sudden quiet fell upon the scene. me “Oh, I dare say the Parson didn’t know anything about it!” Sister Trotter hastened to explain, ‘but I don’t think you ought to allow the men to come in front. “Tt was all a mistake, of course,” added Do come and see us, Mrs. Rich- that nice boy of yours, boy, he is, such a good ful call. son, and do brin, He’s a real mode - example to the others,” “Yes, he’s just the nicest boy in et do come and see me, all of you, we've ha such a “ Get out, you old humbugs! I'm on to rking inak- “Then came another, shower of apples, big - ““We've had a delight- ; Jeasant call, you do make it so - ceeeeres e; good morning, such a loyely a ime. » and little, “Why, what have I done now, my dear ?” asked the Parson, greatly surprised. “ \ lowing Peter and Jonas to play cards on the piazzwand offering a dollar to the winner. It’s unexplainable.” It didn’t do the Parson -any good to dis- claim al-knowledge of the affair. . “They would not have dared to play . without permission,” aflirmed his wife. This, as: well as other things, was set down to the Parson’s’ absent-mindedness and no more was said about it. “Dear me, I don’t know what [am going to do if he keeps on,” sighed Mrs, Richard- son. ‘He gets worse and worse.” ©. Dick did not happen to hear this remark or he would have explained matters and have given the Parsonia rest. #9 _ That boy Dick was not bad but he some- times forgot and ran one subject.rather more than he ought to have done, ; He knew that his father’s reputation was safe enough; for he had put. a flea in the ears of those two: old girls which would keep them from giving anything away. ' The next. intention Phas taba x a and the nag got the most of them. his own hands, or rather feet, after that, and. went down the road a kiting. The \ doctor held on to the reins and yelled, but all to no purpose. : : | would you like it yourself 2” t it was about: time to give Sadie another little , _ question an “racket. \ satan sag and sine The hired girl had some things in the oven and she was busy making more when the voice of a tramp was heard at the door, “ Got anything for a poor man to eat ?” “No, I haven’t.. Get ont,” “Ah, go on, give us something, can't . you ?” “T’ll give you a scalding, that’s what I’ll give you,” snarled Sadie, remembering the other tramp. “No; you wort. Give us a bite o bread and meat, that’s a good girl.” “Don't you good girl me, you lazy loafer,” and Sadie grabbed up the broom, She rushed to the door, but there was no one in sight. He took matters into , ad 0,” she sneered, “if you “You'd better know what's good for you.” : ‘ “Come on, Sadie,.give us something, wont you 2” if This time the voice came in at thé win- dow. instead of-the door. : “No, I won't. Get out.” “Ah, go on, pass it out here I” Es What Sadie did pass out was a dipper of hot water which she let fly in another min- oodness, I’ve scalded the dog in- gasped Sadie, rush- if looking out. he saw neither tramp, nor dog, nor other living creature. — wie: ; “Well, if that don’t beat all.” 2 An odor from the oven warned her that her cake was getting all the baking it need- ed. : cambenhngkerd open the door and grabbed upadamp dishcloth, ~ = 3" “Whew! it’s awful hot in here. How ice which asked this tion and it came from heaven, Se Sadie stared at the well browned cake and couldn’t stir, é . ; fe : WT eG. y It wasa squeaks ¥

Page 48

amar we ay me . that’s where they are. 48 THE PARSON’S BOY. “Now, then, slowcoach, ave you never going to take me out ?” Sadie’s eyes nearly popped out of her head with astonishment. _ “For mercy’s sake! The cake is taikngl!” she gasped. ** You bet I'm talking. Get me out of this, Ou ravtbed Do you think I,want to be arned all wp ?” That scare gil let out one yell, equal to six and fainted on the floor. When she revived she saw the cake set- ting on the table. “Well, I never!’ she muttered, as she opened the oven door and saw a fresh cake inside. “ How in time did that cake get on the table?’ “ Walked there, you pm . You don't eine I was going to be burned up, do you 7 : ‘ “Tm bewitched, that’s what I am,” shrieked Sadie, jumping up. She dusted out of that kitchen in a jiffy, and ran right into the arms of the hired man. “ Hallo, what yer "baout, who be yer huggin’ anyhaow?’ drawled Jonas. ‘The cakes and things have been talkin’ tome,” gasped Sadie, ‘and I’m scared to &0 ‘into the kitchen again.” “Cakes talkin’ tu yu, hey? Wall, yu take the cake, yu du! hat yu been drinkin’? Some o’ thet hard cider daown cellar?” This imputation was too much for Sa- e. She forgot her fright, forgot all her old superstitigns. i he hauled off with her big red right hand and gave that rash hired man a sting- er on the cheek with her open palm whic loosened two of his teeth. . * Ouch! Stop o’ that!” he bawled. ~ Then don't roe say L drink hard cider, nor nothing else,” answered Sadie, with blood in her eye, as she went back to the kitchen, _ ' The cake did not say anything else, and Sadie clapped it into the partes mighty sudden, for fear that it would. __ * Reckon it wasonly Jonas talking, any- how,” she mused, “and I thought it was the cake. Schucks! he did it just to fool me, but I fixed him all right and he won’t bother me no more.” PART XX. oe HE summer was over and the au- tumn had set in, and with it the approaching school term, but fiers were still several days in which Dick could roam about and enjoy himself as much as he pleased. He was down in the village one day when he met Wing Sing, the only Chinaman in town and the proprietor of a paying laun- establishment. ing hada big basket on his arm and was arrayed in clean white blouse and bag- y trousers, felt shoes and straw hat, and foked as neat as wax. “Hallo Wing! how goes it?” asked Dick, with a bland smile. ; Dick had played a racket on Wing once, and although the Celestial did not know for sure that Dick was to blame, he sus- pected. him all the same. “No speakee at Melican_bloy,” said the hang og Mongolian. ‘‘Whatee wantee by Wingee? You wantee washee shirtee, -collee, cuffee?” “Where are Boe going with the rats, aah 4a asked Dick. . “Me no gottee rattee. flunny bizzee, hap.” ite ae) squeak!” 4 “Oh, Ido, eh? What's that noise?” “ Squeak, squeak!” — J «Me no gottee rattee, rattee in holee so fees rome the Chinaman looking all und, ot “Yes, they are in a hole in your basket, » You givee me a ak, squeak!” et The squealing was louder now and came directly from Wing’s basket. Sh 2 Me ogi tear rattee gettee in baskee? ae tae sate whee meas UE Break, sguiedh, siquedh” | Yer Tt sounded as if there were a’ dozen rats, _ big and little in the basket, _ ee ie oe ae - You could bear them rushing about Lixo | among the clean clothes, rattling the paper which covered the latter and making no end of a fuss. ** Look out, or you'll lose your dinner, Wing,” said Dick. “Nopeé, me no eatee rattee, me eatee bleaf steakee allee same Melican, me go Slunday school, me goodee fellee, me no eatee ratee, me eatee chickee,” squealed the distracted heathen. “ Squeak, squeak, squeak!” The noise was something terrible, and Wing set his basket down on the board walk in great alarm. “Get your gun, John!” laughed Dick. “You don’t want to lose those rats.” “ Me no wantee rattee, me no likee,” chat- tered Wing, yanking the paper off of the basket. . “‘ Me punchee fellee headee what putee rattee in baskee.” : Out came shirts, collars, cuffs, white vests, under-clothes, handkerchiefs, and everything else, and still the squeaking continued. Finally everything was out, and not arat was to be seen. “‘ Where be?” asked Wing, with a blank look oh his by no means expressive counte- nance, ‘ “Got away,” said Dick. ‘Maybe you'll Sag pe be bs agarem “* Squeak, squeak!” The sound came from Wing’s baggy presthere th t: legs! ere they go, up your trouser legs!” eried Dick, Tou can’t shake ’em!” “ Squeak, squeak!” Wing jumpéd upin a hurry and began to dance and caper about in the wildest fash- ion. “Takee off, me no likee, rattee bittee, takee loff!” he yelled ina high key, as he phivree and hopped around. : ick got to laughing so much that he could not get in any more of his ventrilo- quial tricks and a crowd gathered. ‘ What's the matter, Wing?” “The Chinaman’s got a. fit.” ‘Turn the hose on him.” _ “Nopee, no squirtee watee, rattee gottee in tlousee, me gettee out.” Then that rattled Chinaman yanked off his blouse and breeches, and stood before the gang in red unmentionables, which, Now tight made him look as if he had been skinned. “Tl kill the durned rats big countryman with mudd executed a war dance on Wing's clean sui with disastrous results, ; Not a rat was found nor heard after that, for Dick slipped away to work a little snap on some one else, ‘Then the mob accused the Chinaman of having sold them, and they began to make it torrid for him. He ot Gate oe and siugged, and knocked him about till he was finally forced to slam his wash pell-mell into his basket, grab his soiled clothes and dashed down the street like a streak of red lightning, and escaping "by running into his own shop and barring the doors and windows. About the last racket of. Dick’s, which I am going to tell about, happened a few days before the opening of school. it was a in the autumn, and the a ples on one of the trees. around. on the side of the house were getting ripeand were be- ginning to fall. ; The Parson’s wife thought it would be a good eS pick them before the boys in the neigh rhood got on to the fact of their being ripe and did the job for her.’ One afternoon, therefore, she put Jonas and Pete to work Sadie sorted out thg ets. Dick was around of course, but he wasn’t doing very much work, it being enough for him to boss the others. The Parsoh was up-stairs at work in the end room facing the road, which at this point ran quite close to the house: Something was being done to the study, papering, bomen carpeting, or the inev- table Fri upsetting, it doesn’t mati had been banished yu bet,” said a y boots, and he spickiig them, while ifferent sizes in bas- along t e road, which, and the Parson tothe floorabove. j yf Pe nd 0 5 See ae hanes vey ha on the ground, having jus veomie down with heaping baskets, a crazy st ROE, Oe oer buggy was seen coming pe It belonged to the village doctor, & regu- lar old crusty crank whom noone could get along with. Just then the Parson’s voice was heard from the floor above, “Tsay, Pete, Sadie, Jonas, Dick, every- body, here comes Dr. Pillion. He likes a joke, let’s give him one.” It was news to Jonas that the doctor liked a joke, but he wouldn’t dispute the Parson, of course. ** Pick out as many small apples as you can find, everybody, Sadie, Pete, Jonas, all the gang.” **Here’s a whole basketful of 'em, sir,” said Sadie. “That's good. Fill your arms full ané 1 i the Doc gets opposite, let drive at am.” > ““Wull, ob all tings!” muttered Pete. “Shut up, you black nightingale, and. do as I tell you.” ** Yas, boss, ‘nuff said.” “But he won't like it, will he?” asked Sadie, looking up. Ves, he will, you misfit fairy, hell think it's awful funny.” : Jonas and’ Pete were ready enough to carry out the snap, even if it was a little out of the common, but Sadie demurred. “Where's Mr. Richard?” she asked. We'd better ask him about it.” Dick was not in sight, however, having ar 3 around the corner of the barn. “Goon, Itell you. TIé’s all right. The Doc will think it’s the funniest thing out.” Sadie’s scruples were overcome, and she © filled her arms with ammunition from the peret and awaited the coming of Dr. Pil- ion. He was almost to the house, his old plug going along at an easy gait, and not hur- rying himself worth mentioning. The three fusiliers stood on the piazza, waiting for the Doc to come alongside. Pretty soon the Parson’s voice was heard. sn Now then, all together, let him have ul? f ; Pp Thump! z The air was full of flying apples. They hit the horse, they rattled against the buggy, they flew all around. The Doctor had his high hat knocked off, his spectacles went flying, and he was © bombarded generally. nose, on the flank, and in the legs, and some of the apples rattled against his blinders. 4 ‘ They struck the top of the buggy, and rolled on the floor; they caroused against the body, and made a terrible racket ; they hit the shafts, and bounced and jumped in the craziest fashion. The nag was not a bit used to this sort of business, and bolted. “ Whoa! you Turk!” yelled the doctor. _ Then came another shower of apples, bi, and little, and the nag got the most of them. He took matters into his own hands, or rather, feet, after that, and went down the roadja kiting. i The doctor held on to the reins and yell- ed, but all to no purpose. 5 He got a terrible bumping and tossing up. And every bone ached. - . Now he was on the seat, now across the on to the reins, all the same, and yelled ‘like blazes. mile, managed to rein in his eee The old nag got it in the ribs, on the 4 “ Give it to him, boys; let him have itl’ — i dashboard, now on the floor, but he held © é "a ff

Page 49

: i get him fired out of the church, PU—T'U—T'l —oh-oh!” That was not exactly how he wound up his speech, but it'll have to go that way. He finished up his calls and then he went back, boiling over with wrath, When he got to the house, the Parson was standing on the piazza looking at the men icking up apples. “Oh, you're there, are you?” he yelled. * What do you mean by it, you white-head- ed old sinner!” : “ Dowt pelt him this time, boys. Let's hear how he liked the joke.” ; “The ‘eee thundered Dr. Pillion, turn- ing purple with rage. “The joke, you old idiot! How dare you call it a joke?’ “What do you say, doctor?’ asked the Parson. ‘ Lovely weather, isn’t it?” “You go to thunder with your lovely weather!” stormed the doctor, getting out of the buggy and coming to the fence. “TI want to know what you mean by having me pelted withapples. Ill have the law on you. I'll have you declared a lunatic, V’ll smash your ugly face for you.” “Really, sir, 1 don’t understand what you mean,” said the puzzled Parson, at his _ Wwit’s end to know what all the fuss was ~' de doctah all we could.” i ‘old curmudgeon, “if you had sigh. a drawled 3 _ that the Parson is it about. | “Oh, you don’t, eh? Now you're trying to lie out of it, like a sneak. -I’ll have the law’on you, I will. I might have broken ‘my neck, just for your freshness.” “But, positively, Dr. Pillion, I do not’ understand you,” said the Parson. “You don’t?” howled the other. eNO; “Do you mean to tell me that you didn’t order the two men and the woman to pelt me with apples when I went up the road just now? Z The Parson looked the surprise he felt at this question. “T certainly did not,” he answered, posi-, tively. ; - Then that truth-telling coon had: to say something. j ' He was a great deal of a nuisance, he was, with his propensity for strict veracity at all times and under all circumstances. “*¥o' done tol’ me an’ Jo’ an’ Sadie to pelt “Shut wp, you lying coon.” - “’Deed 1 isn’ lyin’y Pa’son,” protested Pete. “ Yo’done tol’ us fo’ shwah to do dat.” ~ #°Of course you did,” snorted the irate physician. “Guess I heard you, plain enou hs”? ik Yes: Pa’son, thet’s what yo’ telled us,” Jonas. ‘“ Yo’ sayed the dawktor enjoyed a joke and fur us not ter mind.” “Phere!” cried Billion. ‘There's an- other. Now deny it, if you can.’ “But IT do deny it,” said the Parson. ‘I never gave such orders I never saw you go up the road; dear mé,y dear me, I never saw such stupid servants !” - The Parson’s wif, hearing the racket, came out to see what it was all about. “Good afternoon, doctor,” she said, pleasantly. “‘Whatis the matter? You seem excited.” vat Mi “Teuess youd be excited,” snarled the ‘ a man pelt you with apples, nearly break your neck, scare your horse into a fit, smash your carriage and then deny it all, like the Par- son. You want to have him looked after, ma’m, for it’s my belief he’s as crazy asa Joon.” Mrs, alarmed. f She had thought the same thing before, but pad pect wor my dear,” she “You had better go in, ; said to the Parson. g I will talk to the Richardson became suddenly _ doctor myself, Peter, Sadie, Jonas, you _ need not remain.” . “T don’t understand a word of it and I hope you will,” said the pols man, with a “Things are getting worse and worse hereand can’t makeitout. Inever ‘i ae any peace unless I go away from home.” : kiyi “Then he went into the house, and his wife ‘said to Pillion; { 7 a “Doctor, you have suggested a thing which has long troubled me. I really fear that t going insane, and I am _afraid something w tad a ; su Het for an insane asylum.” $ “e use es Se yo’ did, Pa’son !” he ejaculated. ' havetobedoneabout | THE PARSON’S BOY. “Very well; have an examination,” said Pillion. ‘“* Youcan easily tell if-he is in- sane or not.” “I think that it will have to be done, and if you will consult with some one about it and set a time, I will be greatly obliged.” Dick did not hear this, having skipped when his mother sent away Pete and the others, The next day Pillion and two other old fossils came to the house and held a long confab. : They asked the Parson a lot of questions, talked about the queer thi he was al- leged to have done, and at t came to the conclusion that he was insaneand must * be committed to an asylum, Dick was not around when they came, but upon his return he saw three gigs standing at the gate, and’ wondered what was up. ‘< What's the matter, Pete?” he asked of the coon, who crossed the lawn at that mo- ment. ‘* Conference of ministers?” , “No, Mistah Richard, it ain’t ministahs, it arn doctahs.” ‘ What’s the matter ?” asked Dick, quick- ly.) “ Whois sick ?” “ Ain’ anybody sick, but de doctahs is ’samimin’ yo’ pa, an’ dey say he gotter be put in de ’sylum.” Dick’s face turned red and pale by turns. * Not ifI know it, he won’t,” he mutter- os and he made a bee line for the front oor. He dashed into the parlor where the three old humbugs were sitting, and said: “You're a lot of jays, the whole of you! Who says that my father’s insane?” “There isn’t any doubt about it,” an- swered Pillion. ‘‘See how he behaved yes- terday, and see how he’s. been behaving on other occassions, telling the men to play eards' on the piazza, ordering the cook to put coal on the table, telling her to come and kiss him, and adozen other thin; any one of which would stamp him as a fi hat’s where you're off your route, the whole of you,” said Dick. ‘ He is no more insane than Lam or any of you. You are mistaken, that’s all.” “Young man,” said Pillion, ‘‘ you must not attempt to-interfere with persons older and wiser than yourself. e have ad- judged your father insane, and he must be sent to an asylum.” : “ Yes, he will—not.” It was the Parson’s voice, and every one looked surprised. ; “Don't excite his wife. ““Why, I haven’t said anything,” de- clared the Parson, **O£ course he hasn’t,” said Dick. “It was I who spoke. Now just watch me for a moment.” ; The young fellow opened the piano. : “There isn’t anything in there, is there?” he asked. ; “No,” said all. \ Well, now what?” and he closed the instrument. 4 Stee Md In a second you would haye thought that fortycats were fighting inside the piano, and raising no end of a racket. Dick raised the cover and the sound in+ creased in intensity, “Now, watch again,” and he put back the lid and walked away from the instru- yourself, my dear,” said | ment. In a jiffy you could hear it playing, now soft, now loud, now a jig, and then a march and yet not a key moved. “You see Pete out there on the lawn, | do soar asked Dick. f Dick closed the window and ina moment a step was heard in the hall outside. There was the sound of the turning of a knob, the click of the latch, the closing of a door, and then: : “ Goo'-me'nin’, P Rich’son. I reckon I don’ spoke to no sech slobs as dem fellahs.” — The door had not opened, no one had en- tered, there was Pete still on the lawn, an yet he was ee to them in the room. “ Hallo, Dick! let I'm asmotherin’, ’'gosh.” “Where are you, Jonas?” asked Dick, | Can't yu hear | facing the company. — ay Tn the closet, I tell yw. nothin’ at all?” : Pa'son, goo’-mo'nin’, Mis meout of this'ere closet.” i kal “What in the name of goodness is the man doing in the closet?” muttered Dick's mother. i Dick opened the closet door while the sup- pecs J ee was reiterating his demand to et out. There was the sound of a man’s voice be- hind a door, and then in the same room, but there wasn’t any Jonas, there being only about six inches of standing room be- hind the closet door. ; Everybody looked at everybody else in surprise. “* Where is he?” ““T do believe somebody’s crazy.” “Well, Parson, I think Coad a big a 8 “What do you =f doctor?” asked the Parson, turning to Pillion. ‘ “JT did not say anything.” “* Why, yes, you did.” . This time it was the Parson’s wife who spoke. . ia Rap-rap! There was a double rap on the door. “ Come in, you fool,” one of the doctors seemed to say. Dick opened the door, but there was no one to be seen. Then you could hear a scream, and the sound of somebody rolling down stairs, also a splash and a crash. “ Dere, I done spill all de watah, an’ . broke de pitcher.” i All hands ran into the hall to see if Pete were hurt, but there was no Pete there. © “T can fool you in a thousand ways,” said Dick. ‘‘I made all those noises.” _* But you haven’t said a word,” declared Mrs. Richardson. Dick then faced the company, and imita- ted barking dogs, mewing cats, and the songs of a dozen different birds, as well as. the voices of everyone in the room, and no one could detect the slightest movenrent of his facial muscles. } “ There, that'll do for one exhibition,” he said, at length. ‘‘ This is ventriloquism, my friends, and I have been selling every- body around here for the last six months, and no one has tumbled. I wouldn't give it away now, only that Pop is likely to get into trouble.” <f “ Ventriloquism!” murmured the Parson, “To be sure, many strange things can be done by its aid. ell, well, I always said a ee boy was not as innocent as he ooked.” « Mrs. Richardson said: nothing, probably because it would have taken her too, long to do the subject justice. * Yes, I know, Ma,” laughed Dick, * that Iam the innocent one of the family, but I'm the feilow that has worked off all these tricks. Gentlemen,” to the three medical perens, “T don’t think we want you any onger. ; The three chumps went away in disgust eae Mrs. Richardson breathed a sigh of re- ‘lief. ‘ ; “Well, 'm glad your father is not insane, Dick,” she said, “ but I can plebay see that we will all be so if you stay @round here, You must go.to school.” ““Oh, I expect to,” said Dick, imitating ~ the ‘buzzing of a bee just under his mother's nose, and that causing the worthy lady to jum p and makea wild pass at noth- i, ing. ‘ TYyes, of course you are going to school,” she remarked, when she realized that she had been sold, ‘‘ but not here. You would: drive us all crazy in six months, No won- der your father complained of the serv- ants, no wonder I marveled at his strange acts. No, my boy; this is no place for a _ ventriloquist, and particularly such a good ~ ee, You must go to boarding-school next week.” | ; He went, too, for all hands agreed that they would have far more peace and com- fort with him out of the house than in it. ‘Dick did not mind, for he would have — a larger field for the exercise of his powers than he would at home orin the village. He was sent away to school the very next — week, and peace and quietness reigned — once more in the Parsonage, and, alshiouae all hands liked our Dick, they ‘were not sorry for atime to be rid of so dangerous _ and perplexing a companion as a natural — SO ee We ta born ventriloquist. rs [THE END.) — -

Page 50

NLY COMIC LIBRARY PUBLISHED IN THE W >THE FIVE CENT LHE O 4 | SJ SA Entered as Second Class Matter at the New York, N. Y., Post Office, September 29, 1892. f 7 HY FRANK TOUSEY, Pustisumr, 34 & 36 Norra Moore Srranr, New York. f PRICK ; er No. 9. 1 CoMPLEr«. } NEw YorK, November 12, 1892. IssumD WEEKLY. (5 CENTS, Vol. I. : Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1892, by FRANK TO/)SEY, in the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C, CASRY FROM IRELAND; ~ ‘"s ome 00 ee ne 53D Ca 38 : —_ zi : A an nN Casey uttered a whoop. en aR F fe te ’ -

Page 51

Page 52

{ COMPLETE. | FRANK TOUSEY, Pusiisner, 54 & 36 Norra Moorn Srrerr, N. Y. | ef | New Youk, November 26, 1892. Is ’ { PRICK ) SUED WEEKLY. 5 aE) Volts Asa Hotel Detective; or, | THE TERRIBLE MYSTERY OF ROOM 17. the = Hl Kanan ~eanan Author of “ Young Sleuth we i Z = don’t, sonny! That ‘ere carpet-bag don't git out o’ het an’ I reekon i. Poo vA Sa Meters emis oir (a my hands not yet awhile. I read the papers, I do, know all about the games of the New York sharpers, an’ I'll keep that eck earpet-bag by me mighty close,” said Young Sleuth. eit ; Bice 4 Dake Lat y hd aN yeas ; x +) » ed, T

Page 53

rank Fousey's Hand Books. - Containing Useful Information on Almost Every Subject Under the Sun, Price 10 Cents Per Copy, No. !. Napoleon’s Oraculum and Dream Book. Containing the great oracle of human destiny; also the irue meaning of almost any kind of dveams, together with charms, ceremionigs: and curious games of cards, A com- plete book. Pric@10 cents. No. 2. ‘HOW TO DO TRICKS. The great book of magic and card tricks, containing full instruction of all the leading card tricks of the day, also the most popular magicul illusions as performed by our leading magicians; every boy should obtain a copy, as it will both amuse and instruct. Price 10 cents. No. 3. HOW TO FLIRT. The arts and wiles of flirtation are fully explained by this little book. Besides the various methods of handkerchief. fan, glove, Pareto, window and hat flirtations, it contains a fuil list of the language and sentiment of flowers, which is interesting to everybody, both old and young, Yon ean- not be happy without one. Price 10 cents. ' Nos 4. HOW TO DANCE Is the title of a new and handsome little book just issued uy Vrank Tousey. It contains full instructions in the art of dancing, etiquette in the ball-room and at parties, bow ta,dress, and full directions for calling off in all poputar are dances. ‘he price is 10 cents. No. 5. HOW TO MAKE LOVE} A complete guide to love, courtship and marriage, giving sensible advice. rales and. etiquette to he observed, with many curions and interesting things not generally known, Prtce 10 cents. 5 . No. 6. HOW TO BECOME AN ATHLETE. Giving full instruction for the use of dumb-bells, Indian clubs, parallel bars, horizoptal bars snd various other methods of developing a good, healthy muscle; mantaioiig over sixty illustrations. Every boy can become strong ani healthy by following the instructions contained in the attle book. Price 10 cents. i No. 7. HOW TO KEEP BIRDS. Handsomely illustrated, and contai:.ing full instructions for the nissipsenten® and training of the canary, mocking- ’ bird, bobolink, blackbird, paroquet, parrot, etc., etc. Price - 10 cents. a No. 8. i HOW TO BECOME A SCIENTIST. A useful and instructive book, giving a complete treatise on chemistry; also, experiments in acoustics, mechanics, mathematics, chemistry, and directions for making fire- works, colored fires, and gas balloons. This book cannot be equaled. Price 10 cents. No. 9. HOW TO BECOME A VENTRILOQUIST. ss oy \ » happiness in it. - ity Harry Kennedy. The secret given away. Every intelli- gent boy reading this book nf instructions, by a practical eka (delixhting multitudes every night with bis won- erful imitations), can master the art, and create any amount of fun for himself and friends. It is the greatest book ever published, and gthere’s millions (of fun) in it. Price 10 cents. = No. 10. HOW TO BOX. The art of self-defonse wade easy. Containing over thirty illustrations of guards, blows and the different positions of & good boxer. Every boy should obtain one of these useful J para instructive books, a it will teach you how to box with- _ eubaninstructor, Price 10 cents, ORR TST RULERS EN, SRE DPLED UP CEPR No, tl. HOW T0 WRITE LOVE-LETTERS. A most complete little book. containing full directions for writing love-letters, and when to use them; also giving - specimen letters for both young and old. Price 10 cents. boi) No. 12. HOW TO WRITE LETTERS TO UADIES, § iving complete instructions for writing letters to ladies ie eed also, Jetters of introduction, notes and re- Quests. Price 10 cents. he 3 How to Do It; or, Book of Etiquette. grent life secret, and one that every young man de- know all about, Send'l0 cents an chk it, ‘There's No. 13. ire ° _ Fors Ls ! No. 14. HOW TO MAKE CANDY. A complete hand-book for making all kinds of candy, ice- cream, syrups, essences, etc., etc, Price 10 cents, No. 15. HOW TO BECOME RICH. This wonderful book presents you with the example and life experience of some of the most noted and wealthy men in the world, including the self-made men of our country The‘book is edited by one of the most successful men of the present age, whose own example is in itsélf guide enough for those who aspire to fame and money, The book will give you the secret. Price 10 cents. No. 16. HOW TO KEEP A WINDOW GARDEN. Containing full instructions for constructing a window garden either in town er country, and the most approved methods for raising beautiful flowers at home. ane most complete book of the kind ever published. Price 10 ceuts, No. 17+ HOW TO DRESS. Containing full instruction in the art of dressing aud ap- pearing well at home and abroad, giving the selections of Slide. material, and how to have them made up. Price 10 cents, j No. {8. - HOW TO BECOME BEAUTIFUL. One of the brightest and most yuluable little books ever iven to the world. Eyerybody wishes to know how to Seoonis beautiful, both male and female. The secret is simple, and almost costless. Read this book and he con- vineed how te become beautiful. Price 10 cents. No. 19. : FRANK TOUSEY’S United States Distance Tables, Pocket Com- panion and Guide. Giving the official distances on all the railroads ot the United States and Canada. Aiso, table of distances by water to foreign ports, hack fares in the principal citie-, reports of the census, etc., etc., making it one of the most complete and handy books published. Price 10 cents. No. 20. How to Entertain an Evening Party. A very valuable little book just published. A complete compendinm of games, sports, card-diversions, comic recreations, étc., suituble for parlor or drawing-room en- tertainment. It contains more for the money than any book published. Price 10 cents. No. 21. HOW TO HUNT AND FISH. The most complete hunting and fishing guide eyer pub- lished. It contains full instructions about guns, bunting dogs, traps, trapping and fishing. together with descrip- tions ot game and fish. Price 10 cents. i No. 22. HOW TO DO SECOND SLIGHT. Heller’s second sight explained by his former assistant, Fred Hunt, Jr. Explaining how the secret dizlognes were curried on between the magician and the boy on the stage; also giving all the codes and signals. The only authentic explanation of second sight. Price 10 cents. No. 23. HOW TO EXPLAIN DREAMS. Everybody dreams, from the litrle child to the aged man and woman. ‘I'his little book gives the explanation to all kinds of dreams, together with Incky aud unlucky day: neh Napoleon's Oraculum,"’ the book of fate. Price 1 cents No. 24. HOW TO WRITE “Bes TO GENTLE- Containing full directions for writing to gentlemen on all mnie also giving sample letters foramstruction. Price cents. No. 25. + he HOW TO BECOME A GYMNAST. » Containing full instructions for all kinds of kymnastio sports and athletic exercises. Embracing thirty-five illus- trations, By Professor W. Macdonald. A handy and use- tul book. Price 10 cents. ; ft Sat H ie bsalt newadealers in the United States and Canada, or sent to your address, post-paid, on receipt of price, 10 ___ FRANK TOUSEY, Publisher, 34 & 86 North Modre Street, No. 26. HOW TO ROW, SALL AND BUILD A ‘BOAT, Fully illustrated. Every boy should know how to row and saiia boat. Fall instructions are given in this little book together with iostractions on swimming and riding, comm panion sports to boating. “rice 10 cents. ae No. 27. HOW TO RBCITE AND BOOK OF RECI- TATIONS, Containing the most, popular selectiens in use, comprisin Dutch dialect, French dialect, Yankee and Irish diale Hee together with many standard readings. Price 10 cents. No. 28. HOW TO TELL FORTONES. Every one is desirous of knowing what his future life will bring forth, whether happiness or misery, wealth or poy erty. You can tell 4 a glance at this iittle book. Buy one ‘e and be convinced. jl your own fortune. ‘Teli the fort- unes of your friends. Price 19 cents. No. 29. HOW TO BECOME AN INVENTOR, Every boy should kuow how inventions originate. This book explains them all, giving examples in electricity, hye draulics, magnetism, optics, pneumatics, mechanics, eto, ete. ‘Tote mc t instructive book pubjisbed. Price 10 centa, No. 30, — HOW TO COOK. * One of the most instructive books on conking ever put lished. It contains recipes for cooking meats, fish, game, and oysters; also nies, pnidings, cakes and al} kinds of pastry and a grand collection of recipes by one of our moss popular cooks. Only 10. cents per copy. No, 31. HOW TO BECOME A SPEAKER, Containing fourteen illustrations, giving the different po- sitions reqnisite to become a good speaker, readuy and eloontionist Also containing gems frem all the popular authors of prose and poetry, drranged in the most simple and conesse manner possible. Price 10 cents. No. 32. HOW TO RIDE A BICYCLE, Handsomely illustrated, and containing full directions for mounting, Baio and managing a bicyole, fally explniaed with practical illustrations; also directions for picking out amachine. Price 10 cents. No. 33. , HOW TO BEHAVE. n the rales and etiquette of good society and the easiest and most approved motbads of appearing to goo advantage at parties, balls, the theater, charch, and tn the Price 10 cents. i conten drawing room. —: No. 34. . : HOW TO FENCE. Containing fullinstruction for fencing and ibe use of the roadsword; also instruction in archery. Described with twenty-one practical illustrations, giving the best positions in fencing. A complete book. Price 10 cente. No. 35. \ HOW TO PLAY GAMES. and regulations of billiards, bagatelle, bac! n mmon, ory quet, dominoes, etc. Price 10 cents. No. 36. HOW FO SOLVE CONUNDRUMS. Containing all the leading conundrums of the day, anush riddles, curious catches and witty sayings, Pres te cent No. 37. HOW TO KEEP HOUSE. It contains information for everybody, boys, giria, men around the house, such as parlor ornaments, cements, golian harps, and bird lime for catching birds, Price 10 cents, ; 7 No. 38. HOW TO BECOME YOUR OWN DOCTOR. A wonderfn! book, containing useful and praokics} intor- mation in the treatment of ordinary diseases and att common to every femily. ean tae nsefol and effect ive recipes for general complaints Price 10 cents, 4 cents. . Address: iy a5, rGAe ys A complete and usefni little book, containing tho raleq and women; it will teach you howto make almostanything — brackets, { ailments — | )

Page 54

The Best 5 Cent Detective Library Published YOUNG SLEUTH LIBRARY. Issued Kvery Saturday. Kach Number Complete. {Read All About This Wonderful Young Detective in the Following K Stories Which Are Now On Sale: 1. Young Sleuth; or, The Inspector's Right Hand Man. 8. Young Sleuth and the Widow in Black; or, Tracking a Child 2. Yousg Sleuth in Chinatown; or, ‘The Mystery of an Opium Den. Stealer of New York. 3. weans Sleuth on the Rail; or, Ww orking Against the Train Rob- 9, Young Sleuth as a Hotel Detective; or, Solving the Terrible ber: ta of Room 17. 4, Ae car Sleuth and the, Beautiful Actress; or, The Diamond: 10. Young Sleuth After Stolen Millions; or, The Keen Detective Thieves of New York, and the Safe Blowers, 5. Young Sleuth’s Best Bargain; or, $20,000 for One.Night’s Work. | 11, Ou Sleuth and the Dashing Girl Detective; or, Working 6. Young Sleuth’s Night Trail; or, The Slums of New York. with a Lady Agent of Scotland Yard. 7. Young Sleuth -Behind the Scenes; or, The Keen Detective’s | 12. Young Sleuth’s Ghost; or, The Keen Detective and the Confi- Great Theater Case. dence Queen. Fun by the Bushel in Every Number nf The 5 Cent Comic Library. - THE ONLY COMIC LIBRARY PUBLISHED IN THE WORLD, Issued Every Saturday. Each Number a Complete Story. Look Through Your Newsdealer’s Stock of This Library and Make Your Selection. THE FOLLOWING ARE NOW ON SALE: . fwo Dandies of New York; or, The Funny Side of Ever 7..Dick Quack, the Doctor’s Boy ; or, A Hard Pill To Swallow, thing, by Tom Teaser & Shorty in Lack b ee eae on ; - ; . Shorty in Luc eter Pa “ ne aa me Moy Brom: Obitagos on, Saas oe 9. Casey From Trefand; or, A Green Son of the Old Sod, , om Teaser 3, Gymnastic Joe; or, Not a Bit Like His Uncle, by Tom Teaser | jo, Skinny, the Tin Peddler, : ree v Tom Teaser 4,. Shorty ; or, Kicked Into Good Luck, by Peter Pad | 11. Millions In It; or, Something New Every Minute, ty Sam Smiley | 5, Mama's Pet; or, Always In It, by Sam Smiley | 12, The Muleahey Twins, by Tom Teaser _ 6. Tommy Bounce, the Family Mischief, by Peter Pad ! 13. The Village Sport; or, Two to One on Everything, by Sam Smiley OF COURSE YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT Frank Reade. Jr.. the Great [nventor! Read About His Thrilling Adventures With His Wonderful Machines in the 4 FRANK READE LIBRARY. Price 5Cents. - - Issued Every Saturday. _ EVERY NUMBER A COMPLETE STORY. i ee, THE FOLLOWING HAVE BEEN ISSUED: ; de, Jr., and His New Steam Man; or, i Youn 7. Frank Reade, Jr., With His New Steam Horse; or, The ae ventor’s Trip to the Far West, WS Noname” Search for a Million Dollars. A Story of Wild Life in ne i 2. Frank Reade, Jr, Aa His New Steam Man in Xo Man’s New Mexico, . by “Noname’” Land ; or, On a Mysterious Trail by ““Noname” | 8, Frank Reade, Jr., With His New Steam Horse pei the Mui Sa Reade de, Jr., With His New Steam Man a la ae Cowboys; or, the. roti fig of oe Plains, ng the - America, y ‘‘Noname” | g ith ti H ; 4, Frank Reade, Jr., With His New Steam Man in Texas; or, © i, Franke Reade, Jr, Will or The andy hen “the Great a ~ Chasing the Train TPS issn ou “Noname ” by “Noname oy dio iets Gremaes, Fe os aseeain” 10. Frank Lone ard J ts With Ae Nee Re Steam Horse ba the Mys- |. 6, Frank Reade, Jr., With, His New Steam Man Guasing Bw tery of the Undergroun nch, “ Noname id of “ Rustlers ;” or, Wild Adventures i in Montana, 1, Frank Reade, Jr,, With His New pica Horse in ges of by “ Noname” an Ancient Mine, . by ‘ *Noname For hte by all newsdealers in the United States and Canada, or + sent to your address, post-paid, on receipt of price. Address agi aN FRANK TOUSEY Publisher, a4 & 36 worth Moore ‘Stuvet, ae Ve

Page 55

0 A gene ee py A poe es 833 The “Mast-don’s Cave: or, Two Wide Awake Boys in the Far West........,..+. by Percy B. St. John 834 The (he tl nee Driver; or, yore Hero of 3 eben aves Nadaen anaveea Paul Braddon 835 From fibre Up; or, A Nowe. ork Boy in ae 1 PEE RIA ER Ps ET OPEL eae y S. Wood (The Young American Actor) 836 ieee in the Wild West; or, A New York Boy’s Search for Buffald Bill. by R. T. Emmet &37 The Secret of the Sealed Gold Mines.. by ‘*‘ Noname” 838 Little Blondin, the Tight Rope Walker..... by C. Little 839 pa taka York to San Francisco in a Cata- y John Sherman 340 A Young Jay Gould; or, fy eta the mey Kings..........+ by FE . K, Shackleford S41 Only a Errand Boy; or, Getting Ue = the See pie toe T. Emmet $42 A bie Roady’ 's School Sages Soha AES by Peter Pad &3 The Ice-Boat Boys; or, Cruising on Og Waters in the Northwest......... C. Little $44 Little Blind Joe; or, The Sharks ¥ New by N.S. Wood (The Young American Actor) 345 Young Tronclad, the Boy Gunner........... by John Sherman 816 The Boy Gold Hunters; or, a New York in California... .......... . Emmet 847 The Shortys in the Wild ie al et Beant by Peter Pad 848 Billy the Bu Now ¥ A Sad of Governor's Is) pone. ew vege ...by C. Little an 349 Fr: 4 Talbot Baines Reed ory "The Young Casta- St. George Rathborne est 851 My Friend Smith.. 852 The Boy Crusoes;, ways of the Pacific.. $53 Jerry the Se eeee | ‘ he Wonder of the Prat hire Corpo oral Morgan Rattler 854 aah the Bound Bow or, Through 100 by 0. B55 Frank 3 Heads: Jr, yand His iestaie? y 856 The Shortys’ Christmas Snaps—comic, 857 aie elie or, Afloat in New ree ie S. Wood (The Young American Actor) 858 Fearless Phil in Disguise; oF The Tiger’s ttle iueinie® PeGsisesegasseedscees Paul Braddon 859 A Southern Boy in New York; or, Bound to Make His Money....... by H. K. Shackleford or, The State Room Secret 860 Steamboat Billy; ‘Tamers; or, Adventures in 881 The Boy Lion Africa, 862 Out With Kit Carson. “A Story of the Early R. T. Emmet Days of Sree Batata bre gine SESS by 863 The Boy ‘aking Care of Him- HEISWapicsntaedie dees. tempt iicab ee yO. Little 64 The Bo: ta ork; or, A ioht for Five Millio: ercy B, St. John 365 Smart & Co. the Boy Ped sel aaike's y Peter Pad | 924 866 A Chicago Boy; or, Up From’ ay fie y John Sherman — M7 a me “rite or, na Atte. "Bdueation by Tom Teaser ae ae “8 ic. ONG ee cre tery of a Mash ight essa Moaiscmestdecies yy Col. Raiph Fenton 269 Dick Boldhero; or, oe e Strange Adventures of a Young Yank oN ritten by Himself 870 Garay ane. the Grosihonns or, From Stowaway -by Corporal Morgan Rattler 871 From itrrand Boy to Lawyer; or, oe to Deiat HO. TOM. eas biesas'es tne by. met, _ 872 Bob Allen’s Tanah: or, A Cattle uf Sei at 17 y C. 873 Behind the Scenes; or, Out with 4 New York Combination—comic...... by Peter Pad S74 A Boy Amon ae White Caps; or, A Vic- tim of the Lash........... »..by Paul Braddon _ $75 General Washington’ 8 Sore or, The Yeung- est Soldier in the Revolution.............. by Ralph Morton 816 P d the ona "Boomers. ‘awnee Bill an QO edo ” 8i7 Frank Reade, Jr.’s Search ew a Sunken Ship; or, Working for the Government... b: a ones ote, Moa : poe. ‘ H Poa Matt; 4 he Gisnk. pe the abet tory of the dedeegeerevesas xe B. St. John i. 36 Bra ee Flood; or, eens ht of se $81 Muldoon the Solid py trom ‘Teaeer a 888. uy iy ) ‘hts to 3 OT, "The Long ¢ Seaeeeveeeven Little | 934 Sam J THE FIVE CENT WIDE AWAKE LIBRARY. 891 The Soldier’s Son; or, The Secret of the oe of Eight Pines. A said ee New Tadeo mic . Little 896 The Boy Slave of the he ae ry The Mys- tery of the Treasure Ship by Perey B. St. John 897 A Bad Egg; or, Hard to Crack—comic by Tom Teaser 898 Two Years With a Pirate; or, The agen. by J. G. Bradley Ship of the Gold Coast 899 Muldoon’s Boarding House comic, Monte Christo of New 902 The Axmorer’s Son; or, The ays tery Tower of London............. 901 Ikey; or, He Never Got peo, Tom Teaser 900 The Boy Diamond Eng, ot or, The Hee fork y To 903 go Se as or, Sharp, ‘Smart &S: by ©. Little ‘om Teaser of the lyn Draper by Tom ‘Teaser 904 Dick Geawer: or, Fighting for a Fortune y Corporal Morgan Rattler 905 Tom Quick, the Avenger of ae Delaware. . y RT. Emmet jon Begin- - Booth 906 Sam Switch, poe Boy ngineer ‘ ning at the Bo 907 Daring Dave aie mince ap Swimmers..... 908 Spe CA Demon 910 A Smart New York Boy; or; U0 WV ORM ess .issaccsssauden db 911 Foretop Tom; Among the Pirates...by J. G. 912 Bulger Boom, the the] nyentor—comic bert y John or, A Yankee fene Boy. 913 oe in the Streets. A Story of Hen ife in New York : eadiny h and N.S. Wood (The “oat For Actor) For Two by 914 The. Swamp Demon; or, GALA Up ed siineldae doa sdees nee 915 be Dan, Jr., the M of Golden Gulch. ad Buffalo Bill’s Boy Broncho es or, The Youngest Hero on the Plains............ by Paul Braddon 918 a Sailor at Fifteen; or, feces bin tes to Captain..:....... b fae Emmet oon the Cop, Part I.-comic. 'om Teaser 990 Muldoon the Cop, Part IT. Come es Magee payers 'easer 991 The Boy Wrooker; or, The Noung Pilot of the Breakers.......5:....5. y Roger Starbuck 992 Born to be Rich: or, A Bo spy Roger Stab WallStreet.....s-...-.05 H. K. Shackleford Reade, Ir, and His Queen Chi *_ the Clouds—Part I....... PETAR) 994 Frank Reade Jr., and His Qu as the Clouds—Part Il. er a ious St ne ewapeseesee faitier 998 aes Bill’s Oath ithe Oidiahona Lost Gold Cac! ee Paul Braddon 999 Jimmy Grimes rae or, The iGorment of } Village—comic........+. +++. Tom Teaser | 1000 The ian of f ihe “Black Cave; wad The Mystery of the Hidden Lake...... 1001 Through Thick Sas. uaa! 1002 Jack and Jim; 0 Schoo! mai on 1005 Muldoon’s Grocery Store—co 1006 Fog ssn ie Store—comie. Patt it 1007 Prank Readé Jr; ana His ‘Monitor of. Air; or, Help! ‘a Friend mo _ 1008 San ra ro) ae Grit; or, The 1009 Denver est by Barton! peer ‘om ‘Teaser —

Page 56

HE GREAT 5 GENT WIDE AWAKE LIBRARY ie * ; | Latest Issues: ¥ f “1011 The Siteees on Dude; or, The Comical Ad- 1057 Dandy Dan of Deadwood....... by “Noname”' | 1102 Muldoon’s Hotel. Part > aga tures of Clarence Fitz Roy Jones— 1058 Twenty Years on An Island; or, The Sto tory Ba oun Tease Navan twieds cydecdesGn by Tom ‘Teaser of a oung, Castaway......2....-Bi Kit Clyde | 1103 ee! Dan of Deadwood in 4 eXas; OF. “1012 Black Brow, the Pirate; or, The rales of 1059 oer seis aes ‘8 Boy; or, The Worst: a Town ilver Moon Mystery..... by Noname * — HAVER Kiyo cx0ts 2 by Roger Starbuck |. COMIC... 5... c..cceerecsectscesees eae Pete a ter Pad | 1104 Horens of of the Flail; or, F: ightin For Land 1013 The Yankee Yacht. ub; or, Around the 1060 The Phanieis Light-House; or,The Mys- | and Life...... by Corporal oraes Rattle ‘ orld by Water.... -by Geo. G. Small tery of the Storm-Coast.. ~by Roger Starbuck 1105 Paice Bill 8 Boys. or. “Phe ¥. Young Boom : {014 Frank Sey AR yee a River of 1061 ay oa ss Deadwood, and_ the e Fresh ers of Oklahoma...... by au Braddoy Mystery. A of Sake Myron Brisco 1 isin scisssesece. by ‘‘ Noname ” } 1106 The Boy Scout. fs -S.Woor. ““Noname” | 1062 ae Rival jhe Peart or, The Sons of, Free- 1107 Beret in Ireland; or, Th itl M Man on 4015 Muldoon’s Trip Around the Wurbkosonis a dl Soa occlegins pie akeneen nas a. eet. OOO Sots iii ca dos asad by Tom Tease e ATE Lo. snecsenesecereesessess by Tom Teaser } 1063 Hackbotia Rob, the Boy of Pluck; or Mak- 1108 Frank Reade, Jr., With His Air-Ship in 1016 Muldoon, Trip Around the World—comic. ing His Own Way Through the World.. Asia; or, A Blight Across the Ber es. f: Wie Menace phat alexa) by Tom are by ©. Little Noname i017 Flat Boat Fred; or, The Young Swam 1064 The eh thea of the Pueblo; or, the Daan 1109 On Board a Slave Ship; or, Kiana ped For ; Hunter of Louisiana. . . by H. K. Shackleford Dy etre ea cag ba teat S by Paul Braddon a Strange Voyage...........5 a G. Bradler 1018 AJonk Bos e Sun Worshipers; or, Two New 1065 Dendy Dan of Deadwood in eit ier acetal 1110 'The Weird House of White lie Ee eb i: ys in Peru........ by Berton Bertrew ‘*Noname” Lieut. E: es Kellozs ive (019 Jack ic, the Peas Wonder; os The 1066 Pawnee Bill’s Gold Hunt; a he Lost li ciaee Bill, Jr., and hs Band of Dead. \ Smar es one Stages... .vcesses by C. Little Treasure Train.............. by Paul Braddon SHO. 3s verintwscvecevenoested by Allyn Drape: 3 £020 Frank Jr., and His Blectrie Air 1067 Icebound; or, Among the Foes Wea ga vitesse 1112 The Ship of Silence; or, The Terrible wa Yacht; or, “ihe t Great Inventor Among by Berton Bertrew League of the Black Sword..............4, ie the AZEOOB.. 6.0... ccsececcenacts by“ Nonamne” 1068 SSAC abilag Sam; or, A ee to the Sea of by Roger Starbuey 1021 Two Bo ; Wanderers; or, The Chum, TIOCID ea vieaese ticesanie stds y Roger Starbuck | 1113 Fred_ Frost, the Young Arctic Explorer; the Lost Island............ by Roger Stasbuck 1069 hreree? Brown & Co. at falas or, ‘The or, Bound to Reach the Resch bh Pole. sie ~ 4022 The Wonder = Wall Street; or, A Boy A Deacon’s Boy at His Old Tricks—comic.. by Albert J. Boot) — Among the Bulls and Bears............... by Peter Pad | 1114 Bootblack Bob; or, From ea to Broad- by H. K, Shackleford | 1070 Frank Reade, Jr., and His Gre iota of COGN Hig ssn s ak bake aeeacnaybidedeee by C. Littl 41023 The Unknown......3......6.- by Paul Braddon the Air; or, ‘The Search For t e. Mount- 115 Afloat in’ a Cannibal Ship; or, The Fated 1024 The Comioal A ‘Adventures of Two Dudes— RIN OP COGS >. cccssehecase shiek by ‘‘ Noname” War-Sloop of the Ladrones................ Ri COMM as svékeaat end h ohesscees by Tom Teaser 1071 oe. Dan of Deadwood, and ‘His Deal by Roger Starbued a “1025 Cast Adritt; or, One Year on a janege Bata satel se checes axgsene by *Noname” | 1116 The Boy Firemen; or, Stand by the Ma- oy ie ts poadioy 1072 Gh-Ahead Harry, “the Boy Who Got There; BRING) cities Veck eoeea aan t by Howard De Vere _ 1026 The Rival Boat Clubs; or, the Boss Brae or, Where There’s a Will, There’s a Cwiay 1117 The You Diamond Seekers; or, Rough- oe at Beachwood...........- by Howard De Vere ittle ing it in the Carolina Mountaing eho ceaaeeets ele , a The Demon Captain; or, The Doomed Boys 1073 mle = edistageed or, The Prince & vngi- y R. T. liner of the Gun-Ship.........+. by Roger Starbuck eee LebeeT aaa baad by Howard De Vere | 1118 The Youn Van Winkle. ie > Anes Arnole — mans “1028 Held by Sittin, Bull or, the ne eof a Da- 1074 The Boe Mate; or, Cast Away With Con- 1119 The Lost okt ft; or, A Perilous Cruise s kota O0]-House.........++ ‘aul Braddon TOURS acess canacerdacsntees by oper, St Starbuck For a Floating Treasure. «by Roger Starbuch 1029 Bob pe one or, tioy Seat and Fun 1075 sim Jack and Jim; or, ‘hee Nuts 1120 pe wap ill and BOFY 8, Three Jolly | re he seeuses by Tom Teaser to Grack—comic.......:........by Tom Teaser i .by Sam Smiley — 1030 Bob Bright; or, A ‘Boy of Businessand Fun 1076 Colorado Carl; or, The King of the Saddle "he YT picueeees in —eomic, Park I1.............- by ‘Tom Teaser oa .G. Bradley T. W. Hanshev 1031 Pawnee Bill’s Shadow; or, May Lillie, the 1077 Dandy Dan of Deadwood and His Bi oveune Cap ne Girl Dead Shot......... .by Paul Braddon TCA So caw ace sad on ctawae’ by “ HAI : - 1032 Tom Topp; or, Figh ting Against ens a Search for er Startiue) i “ob the 0 Spr 1083 The Poisoned Ship; or, Adrift a a Te ual ot “Blodk 0 Dat Ms <ivesscnsess -by Roger Stasbuck 3 Daten Spa - 1034 Dick Dart} or, The Bend’ at ite Revenue by Fever Moe skeistecgaedh .by Berton Bertrew y Robert Tantiog The Lost Frigate of the gton Isles... - 1035 The Boy ‘Slave of New York: or, Sold to a Wenpioe site wanting: BY O- Little Ph Slav 1081 The Two Boy, Cattle Kings:” ‘An Indian by Roger ‘ii r 1036 Around the Wonka in'a ye ail Carrier’s Oath......... by Paul Brafidon 1126 Billy Button, the Young Olas and Bare- | ogee le Nick, the Boy of Nerve; or Leh back Rider. A Blane of ane et aed y Harry Kennedy is Own Battles..........6.6+- i) Little "Yon eut. E. . Kellogs. ‘Bred Fresh; or, As Green Be "Grase come ] 1083 rom. Pole to Pole; or, Frank Reade, Jn’s $1427 The Orphans of New York. A Pathetic 5. Tom Teaser e Submarine Voyage...by ‘‘ Noname” pie of a Great ieee sabsnoaedies os on ola Buckskin, the Man With the Pag te | 1084 ms" " ‘wo Boy Clowns; or, ‘A’ Summer Ae ioe (Vhe Young ‘American’ Actor) Dogs; or, The Indian ss ba 8 Bon With a Circus—comic... .by Tom ea it. Perry, the Hero of 1812, An Nid as eneWeet aad im asiounea Braddon 1085 The Mark of Mystery; or, Saved py. rivateer Yarn. by George G. Sma) Hunt. 1039 “ Sport,” ‘the Now York Booth acl, “at “ta: rier pigeon. MEA ye aaisoe Paul Sradldon ong the Fire- Pe ee Cora or, two New M Wood e Boy Who Waves Surren- York Boys in Mexi deo, Bet ed by Berton Bertrew toto Philadelphia un brs From a tblack dered; or, Standing ptox 8 Bquaie Deal 1130 he Actor’s Son. Story of Trials and CROUAT I. scassbs esos becer aces by C. Little y C. Little Triumphs On and Oe the Sta Brae eee diel The Wonder of 1087 Dick Daring, the Boy rig Hee Be Gas Witifame »...by Roger Starbuck Trail of the Death Decoy. 1131 The Ocean Wolf. A Story of Privateering Jack; or, On Board the Nancy 1088 The M TIS 2s vensweness tude ous by Geor; ae Smal) of Lies—comic.,..... f the Black Frigate...... 1132 The Ma vores 8 Secret; or, ‘The | idden — ‘by Tom Teaser | 1089 Ss Gneeb a oaf Crhm Ori so cess sctusekreye on y T. W. Hanshe 3 The Gola ati or, Sto — ets the i a Gi eae cit . he cas | 1183 Bound Boy Ben; or, Sold Tite Saree Litt Case. ‘peiderg 0 8 oun: NKEb; Or, e ‘Trials an € ES og Paul Braddon Tribulations of Wbenezer wiser 1134 Frank Reade, Jr.’s Electric ie ‘Boati oe cret of the a im Smiley engi: the Land of Crimson S: now. Part y R. I. Hmmet | 1091 Old Oak Burrell, the Journalist Detective ~ | _Tescccceseccseccessetsteeenerenes by.‘ “Noname * Story of the by Paul Braddon | 1135 Wank “Reade, Jr.’ ‘Hlectric Ice Boat; . by Gus Williams | 1092 Among the Amazons. cf Theiling Pyeité . Lost in the cand of Crimson SEO Bane: 3 or, The Fiend of the Interior of Africa, nee T. Emmet IL. by _‘‘Nonam: Roger Starbuck | 1093 Afloat in a Tiger's Den; ¢ The Wreck of 1136 Fr. e, Jr. Cyclone; or, acts or, on One saan to ed er ’ the wore erie Ship. . by. Ren Starbuck a a Adrentures in No Man’s Land. sats ‘om ema ed; ~ tom the Pavement to ae .by “ Noname Stnase at Seventeen; ‘or, Rom | oak ede tae fit au vanlen's anges ure: Little | 1137 meant. Reade, Jn’s Hlectrie ‘Cyclone; or, ig ewig k Bee «by o "ttle 1095 Frank Re Reade, Fe) and His Wlectric Coach; Thrilling ‘Adventures in No Man’s Land. Boy's For- ee ee Search for ie Isle of Diamonds. PAY IL pd sanccaaentadenkaae b sie cast ne, ron <r atk ait seen thet a a OT ale ay ae on Rosh bed) eee 1 1138 Gren Le Toe, ihe & me t Awa: Canni 3 or, the ro Pond.....+++ . King of the Man-Katers. . A Pig 39 Red Light Dick, the ea IN Prince % oa aad ee ihe Squth Pacific...by J. G. Bradley PEARL ast; bacAss avout O04 ieee Jr., in the Sea o sand and 1097 Hob Ready, the Life Saver; or, he Donte ry of. a Lost Wie mn iy Pname ie , Wreckers of the Bahamas. WSRaias . ! e Gre: is 1052 jawnce bea td 8 Double; - ait buck ee n Pirate : Scout’s Best Trail.......... way Paul os 1098 Captain Tom Seymour, the Bam Cock of 1142 The Mysterious M tain. Pacer Dane, the Senate Detective; or, B © Coast... ce... y Ralph Morton Story of the Hudson abet by P. T. Ray: __hind the Scenes in Washin: ieee iby, Con Little 1099 Dandy Dan of D Dead strayed: or, The 1143 In the Sea of Ice..... wee ihe Oyster ae ‘The Skeleton Island; or, A Cruise in an / Valtures of Montana... -by “ Noname”’ | 1144 The pie Feeney Dese' noreroand: River.......by Roger Starbuck | 1100 The Black Fiend of the Red Sea; or, ws ‘Speckal : piend. aeeave tas 056 The. = 1 Prince; or, The’ ‘Treasure ‘of the Lost Girl of the Coral Cave... ........ 1145 “* Specia big =| 1056 Locon ertive Heed secatatbiGn Gs Balbecad yf ick Muldoon’s Hotel. Patio " ehgomebicng ESP Adrift in a Ha ite a Bey es. motive on a) ; oon’s Comic... -+. 23 ae e . iy ‘eh ay Howard De Vere! - by ‘Tom ‘Teaser tery of ee oa tar bende - ess ot pr Al “sien above Ubrariea are for xa by all newsdeslers in the United States and Canada, 7 sent to your ee post paid he ie