Five Cent Wide Awake Library (vol. 2) (1892 01 16)
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= —— —* 7 ——= ——— Enitered at the Post Office at New York, N, Y., us Second Class Matter. - PRICE ) Vol. II. { > } FRANK TOUSEY, PUBLISHER, 34 & 36 NORTH Moore SYD ON oe No. 1102 1102. COMPLETE NEW YORK, January 16, 1892. ISSUED SEMI-WEEKLY. 5 CENTS. Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1892 by FRANK ¢ TOUSEY, in the office of the L jbrarieu of Congress, at Washington, D C. LDOON’S HOTEL Se au A Ll me ' ut Hl Part Il. = Hi ii: Hit rTM i} He Vik | i Hit 1 ) ii c a al Ident of ei i ARN NL HH) Hitt alae Hen Hala Co Hl il i a Hi ni I | Hi ii] Ht | H ih ttt a tH AA itil iit ht ne H Hal (Ht eee Hh Bh if i i Mn mnt shia) Mh iit HAAN Tv - na uaa ie 1 Hn IW ANY UHI Hi I Hit ah i al ib lta HL AT | ai ul mc At iH} Hh os a py! { hy ality ‘yt ni AC th a x oer we ' i iI i nl 7 it " - i aie Tl ie AN ee: . Co a sino au . i "ms ivy ae Pa BURR. ane hi | 1 a nih } yn TM wi i a i Hi Hl ik ad | i ull a Ca RRR ee HAR ey ia an . In I ii so ay tt ah ca Mi a | me tH} iit a an ll Gt me | eta Hi r A ) | ‘va ) cy Hail ti adel at) ——~ - ————= ——— — \ > eo = == - = = = . : : — = — - = | - ee a _— - ——— =-= += ——s > OS ~i =——= eS ee eee — ——— = = + = “> Se . - — - es Oe 2 Vr = aT * = = = 5 a -- = = —- =- ¢-——= = a SS —— i — > — — - . r- —— : 2 —=—— —- - =i _—- = = ——— == [- => : : : 7 == = See cots * - 2 = —— = = ——— = == = - = —s = == = - sa = : = a -~ at — = — => + om = : = =< <—~- -- ——= I ——————E——— a pee SS ee ee Ss ee ae = le ii thls ff ties au uy On the next day passers-by noticed a sad looking man standing by the reading room window, looking out upon the street. He had his hands thrust deep down in his pockets and there was an air The man was Muldoon. . of deep dejection on his countenance.
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—MULDOON'S HOTEL. — By TOM TEASER, _ t _ The dog made a break, but couldn’t get out, and so he set up a howl. ** Wud yezluck at the dog!” muttered Dan. a suis: he’sa beauty, avy yez have -yer eyes shut.’ | *“He’s just good-lookin’ enoagh ter be killed, that’s wot,” remarked Mr. Growler. ** Wow!” observed the mongrel, making a dash at Mike. The member from Nevada got on top of the - desk with great celerity. Just then Muldoon came down-stairs and saw the animal. “Who owns the dog?’ he demanded in wrath. ‘‘Dont yez knowl allow no canine beasts in me hotil ?” **Guess he must be yours, Terry,” said Ed- ward Geoghegan. **Sure thin, he’s not, and] won’t have him. Put him out, wan ay fe “Tm a sweet ole cruelty-agin-animal crank, I am, an’ I shed buckets o’ tears when folks steps on a pup’s tail,” said Mr. Growler from his elevated position, “‘and I ain’t going ter touch der poor little aoe “Begob thin Tl put him out mesilf,” snorted Muldoon. “Get out av this, ye ugly brute,” and the solid man seized an um- brella from the rack and shook it at the up. Z Wulff!” remarked the brute as he went at Muldoon. The latter had no need for the umbrella and he dropped it. That umbrella wasn’t good for much to begin with, but it was worth less when that dog got through with it. e tore and bit and shook it aboué till $t had more holes in it thana sieve. Muldoon did not climb on top of any desks, but he kept out of harm’s way just the same. ** Pit him out, somebody, why don’t yez?” he asked. . “Tf I open the dure will yez put him out?” asked Dan. **T will, be heavens ” ° Dan was nearer the door than the dog was and he opened it. | ** Now thin, pit eout,” cried Muldoon, advancing in a threatening attitude. _It was no go. 5s That dog fad made up his mind to stay, and he would not be put out. He growled and showed his teeth, and ee eee we er ates oa ere Ye wom. ? ey Ne er rete Un 9 ee
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Part IT. MULDOON’S HOTEL, looked at Muldoon with the eye that was bad in a way to quail the stoutest heart. Dan tried coaxing, when he saw that threats would do no good. “Good doggie—nice doggie,” he re- marked. ‘‘Now thin, doggie, this way— nice feller.” es ‘“ Won't!” said the dog, or something that sounded very much like it. Down came Mrs. Dan Muldoon at that juncture. **Shut that door, you Irish idiot !” she re- marked. ‘* Do you want to freeze the house and give us all the influenza and every- thing else?” “7 will when I swered Den. put the dog out,” an- I | == SS { JESS) iil . 2 iL st —— | | . = A \ LOW NEUF wh That gentleman happened to come up and he took the creature down below and put him in the back yard. Probably because he recognized a fellow being oe dog took to the cook and to no one else. . He regarded Muldoon as his deadly ene- my, however. The boss had occasion to go into the yard for something, later in the day, but he didn’t get it. The dog ran him out in no time at all. Muldoon did not stop to dispute the mat- ter, but got right out. Sure, it’s no wondher ye and the cook are frinds,” he muttered, when he reached nay NY s x : ' tii | il Hit wiih AMANITA | —N t = “a tits a a MT | WS mi sift! + Hit ) il i | i ii = — ei ) cn ’ thi | . t t Ss Shit ——— = ty u ie —S—————S 1 ADS *’ » ¢ 3 " Zh k 4) . at - Veh sath r. ae ae Ae —s ae et . a> = : Ce tte ehh | ~~: th ft i ‘ *) . s } 7? . ee . ~ O14 pony ‘+ i} . a. ys ‘ye \ 3 es Sey ty) Ree eAy; at 4 » ; ie x . . . truer ‘4 4% “Hh - ’ >» 2 LPS / 1} ~ . aa / { , Pm) SHI : , ; { . 4) J **Begob thin I'll put him out mesilf,” snorted Muldoon. ‘*Get out av this, ye ugly brute,” and the solid man torn out and their limbs lacerated more or aes by that sweet tempered bruiser of a og. _ Neither did it do any good to hurl boot- jacks, empty bottles or fire shovels at him, for then he only howled the more. _The only thing was to let him how] and tire himself out howling, for to pay atten- tion to him and to try and stop the nui- sance only made matters worse. Some of the boarders complained and threatened to move out if the dog wasn’t either killed or silenced, and the neighbors declared, to a man, that they would have Muldoon indicted for maintaining a nui- sance if the noises did not cease. ————— Hil i Fes seized anu umbrella from the rack and shook it at the pup. The lady thought he referred toherown [ thehouse. “It’s the same kind av i tem- sweet, darling pet. “Td ust like to see you put my dog out a cold day like this!” she snapped. ‘‘ Don’t ‘As dare to do such a thing, you crack- rained brute!” Then she came sailing down-stairs with the intention of’protecting her dear doggie from those awful men. When she saw what dog it was her tune changed. = **Oh, what a fright!” she shrieked. ‘* Get out, you brute!” She went at that purp as if she meant to annihilate him. — She did not do it. lf the creature had Had an eye for beauty he might have been terrified at her ugli- ness and have dusted on his own account, but he hadnt. Instead of dusting he made a rush at Mrs. Dan, grabbed the fringe of her petti- coat and gave it a lively old shake. Mrs. Dan escaped minus several yards of trimming, but with an increase of temper. FE eOay tried to put the dog out after at. The question still remained, however, as to what was to be done with him, It was settled by Rufus. per yez have, the both av yez.” _ And still the question remained unan- Swered, what disposition should be made of the dog? **Let Roger have him for a pet,” sug- ested Muldoon. “It wor him that sint it here, and now let him take care ay im. “He ought to make a foine watch dog,” put in Dan. “Sure, he won’t let anny wan go within a mile ay him.” “Wait till summer comes,” said Mr. urns, ‘“‘and turn him over to the dog catchers.” “TH give yez a dollar now ar yez will take him to the pound or the river, I don’t care which,” said Muldoon. Mr. Burns did not accept the offer. He would have recited a selection from his great poem, however, but Muldoon choked him off. The animal gave the people in the hotel other reasons for hating him than his cranky disposition, however. At night he howled and poured out clam- orous complaints to the moon, which could be heard all over the neighborhood. : Nobody cared to go down and bid him stop, for fear of having their trousers seats Then Muldoon went to Wash, the darkey porter, and said: Sighs “Luck here, George Washington Tippe- canoe Jefferson, or phwat iver yer name is do yez go and interview that colored frind of yours in the culinary department and revail upon him, av yez can, to kape that og quiet or kill him. I can’t shtand the n’ise.’ ‘¢ A-right, boss, I fix de ting up wif Rufus, but mebby it'll cos’ me sufiin’. Dat nigger am bery set in him way an’ yo’ can’t do nuffin’ wif him, ‘less yo’ gib him a’sidera- tion ob some kin’ or ’noder.’ This wus a taradiddle, for Wash could easily persuade Rufus to take the dog in doors of a night, but that porter was on the make, and would not do anything with- out a tip if he could avoid it. **Here’s a dollar, thin,” said Muidoon, “‘and for heaven’s sake, kape that bruiser quite. I don’t want to lose all me boorders on account av a misfit mongrel dog like that, h2 heavens.” . After that the dog ceased to howl ofa night, but Muldoon was not through with him by any means. 7 It was about this time that the cook, Rufus Jackson, managed to get square on Muldoon for the recent snubbing he had Poe =
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~~ MULLDUONS HOTEL. Pa rt IT. received. at the latter’s hands upon the oc- casion of the scare by the mock Indian. Terrence had made some remark derog- atory to Rufus’ character, when the cook was being hustled back to the kitchen in all his war paint, and the coon had told his employer to look out for himself. Now came the time when Muldoon had to do it in good earnest. ts r , ! 4 iy i ay Hy Hit i ” “% ae » el ee f ; = aA Fe i fy BS: 7 § — ‘ — = eS be . die ee ee ee ~ ig eg a Y Hy ih bites = ah Tneta snk tts Hue auntie oe it ig waite heal oud £; Mh PED creen| \ Dy im? et pigean Hi gratin Eihiipwen Fa, a Gs i i paid Be + Me tain Dit nip i . e i aus tanta a poet yen a sii cat 1 % pees be cr “AS nS -N ; i i im ! i —— ee >. C_ ! i tha din ah ee i Hy $ ! its : it Hhavey in, v8 4 Hi i 1! + ii il ‘aly i mt " ‘1 i ‘ ; ; | ay | | . ‘ | ay He i} = ‘. ; th} + There sat Muldoon on one round of the fire-escape, hanging onto the sides, be- - iit ints 4) re i ie HA ary an he z om ath oA as Mi » i | a ea Lg i sr nvongieeal " and worse,” he growled, as he struck his pet gold-filled molar upon a bit of bone in a veal croquette. ‘* The whole jaw is broke att me wi ae feller’s carelessness.” ** Ah, go an, wots eatin’ yer ” sniffed Mr. (feaelere vee ‘Dat’s nuthin’!” ‘Nothing, is it?’ muttered Muldoon. *“ Do yez ca lit nothing to smash yer toot’ = Ss = — > IS = =F == Se = == = = =! ——S—= SS > : ‘3 a = = Gt wl i it 1s ie et Hi it i i ‘if bn i tie i : itn Mh ; SS... —oe : ~ — — = = : > SSS : a ge Ht Hn ie OAL nH a > | i at oa Hl iil daay i He ran A nt Ht Wile dh i : ' : Hat pee set i Hilnttil, MT a — Hil if! a oH if j i stiditne 7; M35 Hie eta i sid i Moa i fi Hui i i ie Fal : LU iy a So ionaltak a {Hl is | — eh Hae, 4 ites fila: a ca , | : fe 5 WD | | aint 7 ei He " ai uy es i rent! : a sh tint an amine au pales tween two dangers, the cook above and dog below. He had forgotten all about the circum- stance, when one noontime he had occa- sion to find fault with the cooking as ex- ploited by Rufus. The cook had been imbibing, and conse- uently the lunch that he served up that y was rocky in the extreme. Mrs. spoons was out shopping with ae Ann, and so knew nothing about it, and Dan, her husband, the onorable Mike and Edward Geoghegan were quite well satisfied with the grub, being easily suited in that respect. Muldoon was not feeling very well, any- haw a and the best would not have tasted any Loo to him. Be heavens, that cook is getting worse on a bone, whin there oughtn’t to be anny ay thimin the croquets, bego “Ah, you’se too Bays" snorted Mike. **De grub is good enough for anybody.” “Tt may be good enough for ye, what has no Btoyled about ye,” answered Muldoon, with considerable acidity, “‘but it aren't good enough for me, I can tell yez.” *“T’m a roarin’ old millionaire, and der gold dust just falls offn me when I walk, and yer kin pick up diamonds off der floor when I hops around any way ely but I ain’t skittish aboutany grub, I ain and I say it’s good enough fur any one. See? “Ah, go an, yez make me——Ow, wow! Oh, be heavens, p hwat have I shtruck ?” ) ‘ HN en iit a i rt re hy Hea HT ih ‘ i byt in h ; i ofl mn ih ! ‘Nh ys i r v3 ‘ — : i bone ; Aa on a nh Ht tt Hit} i Lin Y : ii i i iti : ie aii cn cs Hi} Hut Tt tH} it | SSE aa ce i) Fi | ain A Pome ce an st il an a Sit il i i tnt a AG sk It was another bone, and a big one, and Muldoon was fighting mad. “Til go and interview that cook, be the pow ers, so I will,” he muttered, jumping up, his napkin hanging from his collar but- ton, and blood in his eye. He rushed to the speaking tube at the other end of the room and blew a blast on it that made Rufus down below jump two feet. *““Wull, what yo’ want up dere?’ pated that angry cook, talking to the ube. “Come up here, ye black misfit ay a hash house grub slinger,” returned Muldoon, ‘‘an’ see phwat I want! Sure, yez don’t know the forst rudi- mints av the culinary art, beg orrah.” ‘Wha’ dat yo’ say yo bi stuff?” asked Rufus. “Don! yo’ talk dat a way to me, sah, ’case I won’ hab it.” **Come up here, I tell yez, and look at the stuff yez call food. It’s not fit ios pigs, begob, and I want no more ay ez air no good, and the sooner yen si sind in yer resignation the better or te ye off- colore pippo otamus.” ha’ dat yc’ say?’ and the cook’s voice had a touch of rage in it. **Don’t stand there axin’ fool quesbe ins, ye black and tan ijut,” Bue p het Muldoon ; ‘‘ but come up here as ez, I'll let yez know who runs this ouse, be heavens. I'll have no impi- dence from anny wan, much less from a nagur, and I want yez to understand it wanst for all, ye pigeon-breasted, bandy-legged, squint-eyed soh av a babboon, confound yez !” Muldoon had - rise finished this fine sentence when there was a rush and a roar and a general cylonic feeling al- together. ufus had not waited to hear all a § that Muldoon was saying. He had heard enough to transform him into a wild, raging, wrath-filled, gore-seeking maniac, and up he came on vengeance intent. di: He brought a rolling pin with him, nce Hii 7 ak ern ; | t that being the first thing that his hand lighted upon. It was an overgrown affair, however, a regular club, in fact, and one welt from it would have brained a stone image. W hen he rushed into that presk iets room, it was as though a blizzard had Sredoks the place. Muldoon was just taking breath for another blast at the man below, when he became aware of a sudden low baro- metrical pressure, portending the near mopededs of a storm. 4 e had barely time to look up and = then take to his heels, when Rufus # burstupon him. | It was a narro'7 squeak, for one blow of that big rolling pin on the noddle would have given Muldoon a headache 4 for a week. “How dare yo" talk to a ’spectable col’d man like o’ dat, yo’ big, lazy, Tish i tH foetal yo?” demanded Rufus, giving chas iMnidoon did not stop to argue the case. Everybody had left the table and the room was vacant. ; i He dusted out of thatina jiffy and made for the hall. After him came Rufus so close that capture seemed imminent, At the end of the hall was a window left temporarily open, althoigh it was a cold day outside. Beyond the window was the fire escape leading to the back yard. Towards this Muldoon’ now raced, Rufus in hot pursuit. ‘ PART XVI. \S7 ~ULDOON reached the window in “7a good time, sprang out and goton , the fire escape. Down he went, thinking that now he was safe enou | : Alas for the uncertainty of human aspir- ations! He was nota bit better off than before. On the contrary, he had dodged one dan ) i i oe ee ee Sapp ienem loro eae eprereTlae tN mater aga Be mene reso septa Gh, here
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Part IT. ger to run plump upon another and a worse one. At the foot of the fire escape was that og. You remember that fat-muzzled, blear- eyed, ugly-looking mongrel, of course? Well, there he was, at the foot of the ladder, waiting to take a bite out of Mul- doon’s leg, or lunch upon any other part of his anatomy that came most handy. Above was Rufus, the cook, with a bi rolling pin, ready to play a tune on Mul- doon’s skull with it. Below was the dog, anxious to chew him in small pieces. ; That brute had never liked Muldoon from the start, considering him his sworn enemy from the very beginning. : Moreover, Rufus was the dog’s friend and confidant, and the latter would do what- ever the cook told him. Rufus did not have two opinions about going down that fire-escape. It was too slippery, and besides, the. weather outside was much too cold to suit his tropical proclivities. If he did not go down, however, lie could keep Muldoon from coming up. - ‘*Take him, Towse !” he remarked. *“* Wow !” answered the dog. There sat Muldoon on one round of the fire-escape, hanging onto the sides, be- tween two dangers, the cook above and dog below. ; a round of the fire-escape was better ape a round with either the cook or the og. . “‘ This is a foine how-do-you-do, be heavy- ens!” he muttered. : He was in embroidered slippers, a smok- ing jacket and checked trousers, no hat on “his head, and a napkin hanging from his collar. ans It was certainly not a costume in which to brave the wintry winds. Nor was his seat the most comfortable or agreeable one upon which to pass the weary moments. A bar of iron is never the best place to sit on, but when it is covered with ice, and has been submitted to a zero temperature for several days, it is anything but a bed of roses. “Sure I can’t stay here,” muttered Mul- doon, getting a move on him. That dog was on the watch, and as soon as Muldoon took a step, he flew to the foot of the iron ladder and barked furiously. **T don’t think I want to go that way,” observed Muldoon. ‘“ Perhaps I might vinture up.” Then he remembered the cook, whom he could not see, but who must be waiting for him all the same. Asa matter of fact, Rufus had goneaway, after closing and locking the window of the hall. . He knew that if he were discovered up- Stairs, an investigation would follow, he would have to skip, and Muldoon would be liberated. He went away and returned to the kitch- en, where he could direct the movements of the dog without being interfered with. ** Oh, murdher! I forgot thec !” gasp- ed Muldoon. ‘The bloodthirsty v yan is up there, beyant, waitin’ to pulverize me brains wid the rollin’ pin, be heavens !” That would not do, of course. There he sat therefore, between two dan- gers, wondering which it was best to brave. Presently he thought of a way out of his troubles. *« Sure, there’s other windys I can get in,” he cried, joyfully. “That obstreperous blackguard can’t stand a cintury at thim all. Phy didn’t I think av that before?” Indeed, there was a window not far above his head. : It was closed, but-—of course he could open it, and then he was safe. He made a sudden movement to get off his strange perch. ot There wae an impediment in the way of doing this. In fact he was stuck fast to the ladder, his trousers having frozen to the cold iron. It took pntisiderable of an effort to free himself, but those custom-made unmen- tionables suffered by it. s Six square inches of the same remained upon the round of the ladder. Sou “Oh, glory, I’ve torn me pants!” ejacu-. MULDOON’S HOTEL. lated Muldoon, as the cold, cruel wind frisked about his legs. However, that was something that might be remedied. Up the ladder he skipped, the dog bark- ing furiously the while. e reached the window, and discovered to his joy that the catch was not in place. It would be but a moment’s work to shove up the sash now. W ould it, indeed ? ‘ Muldoon tried it, but without success. In short the window was frozen solid.- Muldoon could not budge it half an inch. *‘ Begorry, there’s more than wan way av killing a cat av it do have nine loives,” he ejaculated. . Then he kicked vigorously at the window ane. The toe of an embroidered slipper is not much of use as a window breaker, how- ever. All Muldoon did was to contuse his toes and do no damage to the glass. Something must be-done, however, and so he began to yell for help at the top of his voice. Nobody heard him, and the situation was getting more desperate. He was shivering with the cold, an icicle hung at the end of his nose, his mustache and side sluggers were covered with frost, and his teeth played a regular tune as they clashed together. *“ Wor iver a mdn in such a ploight?” he wailed. ‘‘Faix, Ill be frozen stiff if I remain here wan moment longer.” Then he bethought himself of another an. Off came his slippers, and taking the toes in his hand, he banged on the glass with the heels. This time it cracked and a small piece fell out. Then he banged away harder and made a hole as big as his two hands. He lost his grip on the slippers, however, and they fell inside the house. Then he was in a fix indeed. _ The hole was not half big enough to get in at, and he did not dare to use his hands to make it bigger. - **Begob, that's the toughest glass I iver see,” he muttered in disgust. Finally he got as close to the window as he could, doubled his arm and banged his elbow against the glass. This time he madea hole as big as his vod; but he nearly fell through the glass in the bargain. . 2s And then, along that hallway, came Nibbsey. ** Hallo, there! Open the windy !” shout- ed Muldoon. . ‘“Dat you, boss?’ asked the redheaded bells toys coming up. ‘‘ What yer doin’ out ere ** Sittin’ here forme own amusement, av coorse,” snapped Muldoon. ‘“‘Phwat do yez suppose I do be doin’?” ; ‘* Well, I take me oat’!” and Nibbsey **Oh, Gee! but ain’t dat a snap ? Dat’s de best one yet!” __ Then that youth let himself loose, and fairly shook with mirth. iSigess “Hush yer n’ise, ye Darwinian idjit!” cried Muldoon, ‘‘ and throw up the windy, or break it, or do something. I’m most perished wid the cowld.” : “T say, boss, just lemme sing yer dat new ULE and dance o’ mine, won't yer?’ asked Nibbsey, persuasively. ‘*Let me in, and yez can sing the whole av it, av it takes yez from neow to Path- rick’s day, be heavens.” snorted. Nibbsey had to laugh a bit more, how- ever, before he could do anything, and he raised one of those fairy feet of his and knocked that glass into a cocked hat. **Go ordher me a hot limonade with a club in it,” said Muldoon, when he tumbled in, ‘and brnig it to me room, but for heav- en’s sake don’t say anything to the byes about this, or I'll discharge yez widout a characther, and kape back a year’s wages besoides.” *“Oh, Gee! dat’s der best yet!” giggled the boy, as he hurried away, the boss hav- ing already made himself scarce. 2 uldoon went to his room, drew a bi easy chair up in front of the fire, haul out a fur rug, three blankets and a pillow, wrapped himself up in them and proceed- ed to make himself comfortable. The news of his escapade, his fire escap- ade, in fact, got around, however, in spite of his caution to N pbbeey: Rufus had told Wash, the porter gave it to Frills, the head waiter confided it to Roger, the son of his mother, communi- cated it to Dan, Muldoon’s brother impart- ed the information to Mike, the Nevada lily retailed the news to Mr. Burns, the poe rehearsed the tale of woe to Edward eoghegan, the walking delegate reported the case to Major Buster, the old war:horse made a ener! order of the whole busi- ness, and the entire household presently knew all aboutit. — - te Nibbsey was the ae one that said noth- ing about it, but Muldoon suspected him ali the same. That good-natured imp with the single suspender and the sunny locks surveyed Muldoon as he sipped his hot stuff, and then remarked : *“You’re a honeycooler, boss, you are, and noerror. Oh, gee! if dat ain’t rich!” “*Hould yer whist, ye red-headed son ay a pirate !” said Muldoon, taking a gulp of red-hot grog. ‘“ Yez must show more ray- spict to yez supariors. Av I wasn’t rooted to me chair I'd trow yez out av the windy.” **Get onto dis, boss,” chuckled Nibbsey, doing a few dizzy steps. * Oh, my, she was so fine and neat, ~ Tinky*ting, bing-bing, Wid her putty face and her little feet, Plunk-plunk, skimmer-dink. ; * She’s my darling, she’s my daisy, my Iittle pet; And 1 met her in de evenin’ when de roses were in bloom, 3 And when de spring time comes, and de birds—” Thump! That was a knock on the door and Nibb- sey paused : : in!” cried Muldoon, without thinkin : oa : Then he did think and whispered to Nibbsey : <5 “ Lock the dure, ye imp av mischief, and don’t let in a sowl.” Too late! The door opened and in walked the gang. They were all there, every man Jack of em. They filed in one after another until the room was full. _ = There was Mike and Dan and Burns to start with it. : Then came Edward Geoghegan, Frills, Wash and Major Buster. Ree After them entered Mulcahey and the alderman, who had dropped in to see Mul- doon quite by accident, and had brought Budweiser with him Finally in wa'ked Roger and half of the Muldoon Base Ball Club, the latter having come to persuade their captain to take them on a trip to California. The only man in all the house that did not come up was Rufus. The gang opened on Muldoon at once: ** Well, if you ain’t a corker!” ** How's fire escape stock, Mul?” . rect be a cook and adog! Oh, my, oh, my = You're a dandy hotel keeper, you ** I vas inshured your life sheap dis verry minute, Muldoon, und off vou die, your wife gets den tousand dollars. Puy a Oe off glodes off me und I give a bolicy mit it.” That was Ikey Stein, second baseman of the ball club. **I reckod you ged a code id your head jusd like bide, dow, Buldood.” - That was Dan Jones, the catarrhal short stop of the team. : “T’m a Jim dandy from Whirlwind Gulch and I’ve seen some funny things in my time, but you just clean out der hull That was Mr. Growler ofcourse. ““By my scars and broken bones, sir, but you are a specimen of able-bodied chump wonder at, sir, you are indeed.” Tnat was the old battle-scarred, or scared veteran, Major Buster, sir, of the *Steenth So'th Ca'lina rig’ment, sir, who made that last observation. Then all the gang let itself out. a ne ee s ieked oe poem - ey giggled and guffawed an inne eee pepe ey slap eir legs and expl Then they cheered cridcroarede j ; ' ’ : 7 ; -
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_ Afterwards they did some more laugh- Finally they made more remarks: ** Will yer get onto it, anyhow?” “Tt blew in wid the blizzard.” “Vell, off dot vasn’t gread !” “'Thad’s the fuddiest thi’g I ever seed.” ** Shtick a pin in it and see it bust.” **Drop in a penny and hear it talk.” * Order up a basket, Mul.” *° You can’t escape it, old man.’ ** Vell, I should sneeze my ear off once.” ee ‘mah goodness, I really shall ex- i *“How’s the cook?’ **Oh, he’s all right.” * And how’s Muldoon?” i: M-M-ah! Chestnuts. Straw hats! Called in !” e eee ae making yersilves very merry aren’t es ?” asked Muldoon, when the hubbub } eo hat subsided. ‘*'To what may I ottribute the cause av yer exceeding hilarity? I wud be pleased to be enloight- ened an the subject. , he was very innocent, he was. a owever, he could noth bluff that gang for rice of chewin at’s all right, ! wold fell,” laughed Mr. Growler. “ Maybe ye don’t think it know all about that lire-escape business.” “Then, be heavens, Nibbsey must have tould ye, and the desaiver promussed he wudn’t say a worrud.” 7 **Oh, pie I Ree me oat Eee did, so elp me New Year's!” ed Nibbse . the hadn’t said TORINO a fact. of ““Ye're a liar,” snapped Muldoon, “and yez can ees up and get out.” p yer shirt on, Mul,” snorted Mike. "«Tt wasn’t der boy wot give der ting away. I’m a swift and sure vigilante, I am, and I fetches folks up standin’, I do, but I ain’t goin’ ter see a eller suffer fur wot he ain’t done, I ain’t, yer can het yer socks on it. And payee ividence have yez to offer ye didn’t donate the snap to the whole house?’ “* Ah, 50 on, ye old stuff !’ snorted the Nevada ily. *‘ Wasn’t I in der room when der cook chased yer out? ‘Course I was, ang ate atten dat he told Wash, and den it got all aro Didn't I tell yer I never said a word, Nibb ?” cried the triumphantly-vindicated sey. ‘Thin I beg yer pardon,” said Muldoon, ‘and that’s all there is to it.” “*Say, boss,” cried Redhead, “‘let me do dat song and dance o’ mine, and den pass round der hat, won t yer? Ah, goon, I kin make a bully st take.” “To it,” laughed Muldoon. “I know av no betther way ay clearin’ the room, wid- out Hippocrates Burns, the insane pote, gives wan ay his own selections.” ** You do not pay a proper tribute to the penne which ashe my great work, Mul- oon,” answered Mr. Burns, the poet. “Tt is a labor of love, a work of the soul, the effusion of a spirit soaring high in the em- pyran yrean of the imagination, and you cannot athom its depths. Listen to this soul- stirring passage: *“ Around, about, encompassing, surrounding, Filling all corners of that mystis place Abyssmal, black and uncanny and with Darkness covered. swarmed like bees, The dreadful crew, while anon, breathless Like to a man clioked with snlpliurous @mes, swept over all a terror horrid, A dread nameless yet tangibie, a horror Palpable but defying——"’ “ Ah, go on, ye Se Milton !” cried Muldoon. ‘“Yez have cleared the room and now yez can clear out yersilf.” Muldoon was quite right in his estima- tion of the scattering powers of Mr. Burns’ verses, Not one member of the gang remained in the room. “TI am not appreciated. I am the poet seh future,” remarked Mr. Burns, tragi- cally. “ Yis, ye are, and a future so far remote, be heaven that the mind av man is _para- lyzed whin it tries to fix the date av it.” “Aha, I waste time in bandying words with so unappreciative a listener,” mut- tered the poet; “but never mind, my time will come.” **Tt’s come already, Hippocrates,” laugh- ee SULDOONS HOUR eeee a. ee eee HOTEL. ed Muldoon. ‘Yez have exceeded yer limit, so get out and lave me in peace.’ Mr. Burns faded away, closing the door behind him, and Muldoon was left alone. ‘““Thank goodness for thot!” he mut- tered, finishing his drink. ‘“‘A few more minyutes and the gang wud have finished me. I niver tho’t 1 wud be so indebted to Burns, but I am indeed. That pome av his wor the only thing that saved me. * Roger came in later on and brought his dad some more hot stuff and aprime cigar. “Do yez know, Roger,” said Muldoon, as he sat puffing at the fragrant weed, “that [’m Blad that this wor none av yere snaps? Av it had been, yez wud have had no home be to-morry, for I wud have cast ye adhrift an the cowld crool worruld wid- out aven a pack ay cigarettes to comfort : ss N Oo, it didn’t have my eee mark on it, pop, ” rejoined the young scamp, “‘but it’s a pretty good snap for all that.’ “)OGER did not take the five dollars that he had won from Muldoon on Wa that hand of five aces, but the »Wo laugh was onthe Solid Man just the same. The young fellow presently put up an- after the latter was other job on his dad, - “No, no, man. Part Il. able to get about, that picnic on the So ae ee So eer a a es- cope having given him a dandy cold. he manner in which the snap was worked will now be narrated. One afternoon a man came to the hotel and inquired for Muldoon. When the latter appeared, the man said to him effusively : “‘Troth, yere Juckin’ well, Terry, as well as iver Lsaw yein me life. Things must be goin’ foine wid ye, but thin ye're aman that wud always make his mark.” “Thin ye’re wrong, be heavens, for I can write me name in fu | as good as anny mon. It’s many a long year since I had to make me mark.” ‘*Oh, well, sure I'd know yez had Irish bloodin yez be that remark. Ye always was a clever hand at a joke, so ye wor, erny =e ez seem to be a ktak familiar, who- ever ye are,” returned doon, “but the particular “receptacle in me mimory in - which yez have a place is locked, and I haven’t the kay. ho are yéz, anyhow e” “Ye don’t know me?” **T d& not, faix. td “Think again.’ “Go an, I have no time for thinkin’. Who are ye, wanst for all.” ‘‘DNon’t yez remimber me, yer ould ner down i in Mulberry. street?” o, I do not.” < Why, I'm Reilly, don’t ye know?” “Oh, oy re Reilly, eh? Well, I don’t know yez. Phwat’s this anyhow, a bunco game, or phwat?’ “No, it’s not. I’m Peter Reilly, what——" “Ates fish and catches eels, as we used to say in the books at school? So yere him, are yez?” I’m a cobbler, and it’s many’s the pair of boots I’ve minded for ‘Ke Sure ye must remimber Reilly av the o Sea we'll sa I do to save discussion. Hae can I do for yez? I’m out ay poli- ics “Sure it’s not politics at all that brings me up here. It’s a christenin’ I'm goin’ to invite yez to.” «And phwat wud I be goin’ to a chris- ening in Mulberry Bind for? Don’t you know that it’s an opery night and that Mrs. M. and mesilf must go an’ sit in our box along wid the McAllisters and the As- thors and Vanderbilts and Gin’ral Sherman ends eae Ingersoll and the rest ay the nobbs ““There’s no opera to-night, pop, it’s Thursday,” put in Roger. ** Oho, so Me i is. I thought it wor Wednes- day, so { did,” muttered Muldoon, giving his jolly son a reproachful look, ** Well, if it wor not, I know ye’d come,” said Reilly. “It’s twins, so it is, and yed niver guess the names ay the darlints.” ‘Then yez may as well tell me thim.” “Wan is to be called Terrence Muldoon Reilly and the other——Oho, yez can asily guess the other.” ‘‘Raix I cannot,’ returned Muldoon, who began to show more interest than before. “Well, thin, it’s a girrul. Now, thin, can yez tell the name?” “Paix, I'm not B ‘ere or Professor Her- mann, and I cann oS Well, thin, it’ 3 Bedalia Ann Muldoon Reilly. Muldoon looked pleased, and felt that a great honor had been done him. He was chuck full of human nature, after all, and his icy hauteur was no proof against dae nn com iene ‘‘Raix, I know ye'll come now,” said Reilly. “The Bend 1l be proud to welcome one GE its shining lights, so it will.” “JT don’t raymimber that I have anny en- gagement for the ni ht,” said Muldoon. stroking his chin. t phwat hour do the . ceremonies eventuate?” ** At nine o'clock; but the sooner ye get there the betther time ye'll have.” as At phwat number will I shtop me car'ge?” asked Muldoon, beginning to put on lugs. ‘‘Faix, ye know the place well enough. It’s nixt to Casey’s woineimporium, Yell be there prema ry ee oa (Fe Muldoon, more delighted than he el to show. “The boys will be glad to see yez, and it'll be a great honor to the twins, so it So adel elie patter dé lw ay ageteene ug, < wauteet ts 48 A 20 ROO EE EIR CS Ri IMG AOE. oR 4 —
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Part II. will. airly. “Have something before ye go,” said Muldoon. “Name yer tipple and it shall be brought.” Reilly had several somethings before he went, and Muldoon felt as proud asa girl with her first beau. He could think of nothing else but the christening all the afternoon, and strutted around as proud as a peacock, “Guess it’s a good time ter strike de boss for more wages,” thought Nibbsey. “I ain’t seen him feeling so good in six weeks.” ** Yer must've won a prize in der lottery, Mul, old sport,” remarked the Honorable Mike. “I ain’t saw yer look so gayina long time.” eae *“No, I have not, but it’s me natherally jovial disposition that shows an me, Mike.” Good-bye, Terry, don’t forget to be Ah, go ’way—it’s suthin’ else. [ma red-headed old astrologer, I am, with a green velyet duster on, and I can tell.” ‘Well, there is something not quite in the usual line goin’ an this avenin’, and I'll tell yezall aboutit. I’m to stand for two twins, and they're named after me.” ** Not both o’ them, Mul?’ **No, wan is for me woife; it’s a bye and a girrul.” **Oho, yer goin’ to a christening, hey? Well, you and me is reg’lar old Siamese twins, we are, and where you £0, Ive gotter go. I’m goin’ ter take in dershow, pardner, see?” =m ** Paix, thefe’s nothing to hinder,” return- ed Muldoon. . | ** We'll take der whole gang down,” con- tinued Mike. ‘There ain’t nuthin’ mean about us. Yer a-goin r, I s’pose? Yer'll ather if yer don’t.” ~ | ** Vis, | think I could sind down some re- frishments, both solidand fluid. No doubt they'll be acciptable.” “Dat’s der way ter talk, Mul, old she- root,” said Mike. ‘‘Give der kids a good send-off when yer can. It ain’t often yer gets der chance.” : 3 * ** Be heavens, it’s not ivery man’s choild that Ilind me name to, Mr. Growler, and don’t yez forgit it,” said Muldoon; with dig- nity. “It may not be often, but when itdo happen, it’s an occasion to be proud ay, me c pe frind from the wild and woolly est.” Mr. Growler had no more to say after that, Muldoon having most effectually corked him up. When evening came, Mrs. Muldoon had a headache, and had to decline the honor of going to the christening. a nice old god Muldoon wanted to go in a sleigh, but . Roger persuaded him not to do so, consid- ering that the Honorable Mike, Mr. Burns, Mr. Edward Geoghegan and Dan desired to accompany him. Instead, therefore, Muldoon went down town by the elevated railroad, getting off at Chatham Square. When they reached Mulberry street, Muldoon looked around, and asked Roger: **Do yez know the place, me bye? I’m blamed ay I do.” “ We'll findit in a minute, pop,” said the young fellow. “Look fur Casey’s, and yer find it,” suggested Mr. Growler. ‘‘ You orter find it, Mul, *cause yer have a good scent fur saloons, you have. You're a regular old bloodhound for catchin’ onter them places.” *“No more than yersilf, Mr. Growler,” retorted Muldoon. ‘‘ Av I don't falsify the case, it wor in a dhrinkin’ parlor that I * forst mit yez, me breezy mimber av the legislachure.” oper had gone ahead a little, and now as the rest of the party came up, they found him in conversation withsome one. “This is the place, Pop," he said. ‘‘ Sec- ond flat, in Sette he company is as- sembled, waiting for you.” **Come on, byes,” said Muldoon. ‘It’s best for us to kape together. Sometimes the hilarity av these affairs do divilope into a ruction, and then it’s betther to have yer own gang around yez.” On the first landing up, the party was met by a big coon in a blue coat and brass buttons, very loud trousers, and a huge but- ton-hole bouquet. to set up der sup- ~ MULDOON'S HOTEL, “Am yo’ come to der christnin’, ge’men?” he asked, effusively. ** Yis, Reilly’s twins. Me name is Mul- doon,” answered the Solid Man. “Ihave a little prisint fur the jools.” ** Da's aright, ge’men. Right in yer. Dis am Mistah Reilly’s *pahtments. Step right in, ge’'men. We'’se glad ter see youse.” ~ In went the party, finding themselves in a moderately-sized room, already quite comfortably filled. ‘ There was a good sprinkling of coons in the place, but there were as many, if not more, white people, but Muldoon, know- ing the cosmopolitan character of the street, did not wonder at this. 7 He would not have been surprised, in- deed, if he had seen Chinese, Italians, Jews and Dutchmen mixed in with the crowd of Trish and Africans. The girl in the red dress was there sever- al times, as well as the youth with the high collar, dirty finger-nails and general air of toughness, these being interspersed with old nnies in big caps, high-toned Micks in double-breasted frock coats and young fellows in checked jumpers, Gradually more and more coons entered the place, until Muldoon could not help no- ticing that there was more of them than of anything else. | “I can’t understand phwat all the nagurs can be doin’ here,” he presently whispered to Mr. Growler. ‘ ** Ah, dat’s a scheme of Reilly’s to collar der African vote, don’t yer understand ?”’ “It might be av it wor near election toime, but that do be a long way aff yet.”’ Before Muldoon could say any more than this there was a commotion at the end of the room nearest him. Folding doors were thrown open and a crib, covered all over with white mosquito netting, was wheeled into the room. **Dis way, Mistah Muldoon,” said the coon who had introduced our party to the lace. “‘Heah am dose blessed lilly angel ids, uf yo” wanter see’um.” _ Muldoon pressed forward, the crowd giv- ing way for him, and the white draperies were thrown aside. . _*‘Dere, sah! Did youse eber seeany put- tier chillen dan dem, sah? Dey does yo’ honah, sah.” Muldoon stood riveted to the floor in hor- ror, his mouth open, his eyes staring, and his high hat nearly lifted from his head by his bristling locks. The little coons were sitting in that cradle, yelling like all po They were the blackest pickanninies you ever saw, and there was was not the slight- est doubt as to their parentage on both sides being of full African origin. ** Nagurs, be heavens!” gasped Muldoon at length: ‘‘Take me out! Ill not give the honored names ay Terrence and Beda- a etna to any such monkey brats as thim !” There was a commotion in the place ina _ twinklin The shiter guffawed and giggled, but the coons uttered angry exclamations, and the glint of razors could be seen. . ‘Don’ yo’ dar’ insult dem lilly angel chillens, yo’ big Irish loafah, sah,” mut- tered a big coon, stepping forward. “I don’ know who eber axed yo he anyhow. I didn’ know dat. Youse Mulb’y street toughs am too fresh, anyhow, in fo cin’ yo- se’fes inter decent company, yo is. ‘‘Ye’re a loiar, be heavens !” cried Mul- doon, angrily. “‘I’m no Mulberry street tough, and I kem here by invitation, but av Id known it wor a nagur christenin’ that I wor attending and presintin’ wid free lunch, beer and cigars, 'd niver hov stud feet in the dirthy ould place, be heavens.” Muldoon’s indignation was running away with his senses apparently. If he had been less mad, however, he would not have been safe, for then those coons would have just carved him up with their national weapons. _ His anger made him appear dangerous, nowayer, and the coons hesitated to tackle im. | The Honorable Mike Growler, gathering fictitious courage from seeing Muldoon so brave and defiant, pushed out his big mustache, cocked his high dicer down over one eye, put on a bad-man-from-Cohoes look and remarked : . | “I’m der Hon’ble Mike Growler, I am, der lily of Nevada, and dere can’t any nig- gers stand der richness of my perfoom, see, and when I shoots out my fiist, suthin’s got ter go down.” Mr. Burns, the poet, Edward Geoghegan and Dan Muldoon all rallied to the side of their friend and leader and when Mr. Burns made a suggestive movement with his right hand towards his hip pocket, the crowd of angry coons fell back. zors were ata big discount when re- volyers were drawn, and the coons knew this too well. It was not the hilarious revolver which Mr. Burns was going to produce, however. It was simply one canto of his great epic poem, narrating the misfortunes of the peerless Gloriana, which he was about to Ww. There was one particular passage in it which fitted this occasion to a hair, and Hippocrates wanted to read it. e did not have time, however, for some- thing else happened. e Honorable Mike ‘and Edward Geoghegan grabbed Muldoon, while Dan seized Burns, and then, while the high col- lored young gents came between the coons and the hotel party, the latter skipped out. There was a pretty lively time after that, but Muldoon and his crowd were not init. ~ : When Muldoon reached the street he met Roger, who said hastily : “Say, pop, I made a mistake. It wasn’t Riley the coon that we wanted, but Reilly, the Irish cobbler. His place is further down the street. Come on, we'll be just in time.” on - “No, be heavens, Ill not take in ann more christinin’s to-night,” averred Mul- doon in positive tones, “I’ve already es- caped wid me life from wan, an’ I’m not goin’ to timpt the fates be goin’ to an- *““Ah, come on,” laughed Roger. “It'll be safe enough. Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.” **No, and it’s not necessary, Wan shtroke is effectual, and I niver h’ard that two wor required to knock a man out.” “Come on, Terry,” said Dan, “‘let’s take in the Reilly affair.” **Tli not do it,” said Muldoon. ‘In fact, I believe that this is the only christinin’ in the street, and that the hull thing was a job put up on me be young Roger and that flannel mouth who called on me the day.” ** Oh, no, pop, not at all,” langhed Roger. other. ** Reilly’s twins are further down the street, fae I'stumbled on the coon Riley by mis- G3 . This was partly true, and partly not, but uldoon would not believe any of it. There were two Reillys in the street, and one was acoon and his christening came off at the same time as the other, but ~ Roger had purposely sent his father into the coon flat. The mistake had been that the coon had got the stuff intended for the Irishman, and Peter had found this out when it was too late. Muldoon would not take any stock in Roger’s story and declared that he was going home. Roger, realizing that there might be trouble if his father went to the Ivish affair after having attended the coon celebration did not urge him, and heand Muldoon and. Dan went up-town. Mike Growler, Mr. Burns and the walk- ing delegate took in the christening, how- ever, and were sorry that they had doneso, later on. They came into the hotel somewhere about midnight, looking like three tramps. Mr. Growler had a black eye and a smashed dicer, Edward Geoghegan’s face looked like a map of the hill country, there were sO many bumps on it, and Mr. Burns, the poet, was without hat or coat, had been used as a mop to scrub up the floor and a nose as big as two ordin ones. Dan was at the desk when those dizzy celebrators came in. : ‘<For goodness’ sake, where have yez t’ree jays been?” asked Dan. : ‘Shelebratin’ forsh o’ July an’ Washin’- t’n’s birshday,” remarked the Nevada statesman. — 2 *“‘ Yis, and Patrick’s Day and Decoration Da See I’m thinking,” said Dan, with a chuckle.
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‘This weary world is but a vale of tears,” — asserted Mr. Burns, “‘and in the midst of roses there are always thorns, Let me read you a Selection from my great poem.” “Tits not safe, EDD OCTALES-s said Ed- ward Geoghegan. ‘Yer tried it at the christening, and look at yerself now, to say nothing of us.” . ‘* Well, maybe yez ll take a fool’s advice afther this,” chuckled Dan. ‘* We tould yez not to go, but yez would.” ‘“*“Thash 2’ right,”"muttered Mr. Growler. ““Had a good time, we did, till dat ole poetry book opened up, and den der hull crowd went for us like a pack 0’ wolves.” ** It wor all Terry's fault for promisin’ to go and then givin the feed to the coons, © Z AT i | — a+ > = ; 28 ey Em 7 7 i Hit Tet ii} a ro ie ote ae 2 4 HASH TAT MULLOON’S HOTEL. ““Ter stand up in front of a second-hand cloding store to keep people from goin’ in.” Mr. Growler tried to swipe the bold and brassy bell-boy, but he hit Mr. Burns in- stead, and caused that sad looking gentle- man to sit down in a cuspidore. Nibbsey went off laughing, and the party disseminated itself through the caravan- Sary. When Muldoon heard the sequel to the christening snap the next morning he chuckled and said: : **T wor wise to take me Own advice and shia. away from the place. Wan niver shud timpt Providence twice in the same way, be heavens, and I forgive Roger for Sindin’ me to the nagur’s whin he kept me 5 ek » o a or “re. i Ww u" } f PION } fy, jg 7, fff rN = 7 - hs « cs as -, - = a ene eS — _-f io Aa_\\ \ HN AY) AWW Nii N | ' sy WN \\\ a V8 GaN ‘i ' + i ———— WHE HA ui and Bedalia Muldoon to any such monkey brats as thim!” ~~ and not showing up,” explained the walk- ing delegate. ‘‘ Reilly was mad, and when Burns wanted to recite a piece to thim, they walked on his shirt front.” * And I went with him !” warbled a voice on the landing above. - Looking up the gang saw Nibbsey com- aa : is red head fairly shone with glee and his eyes danced as well as his feet when he came down. **Oh, Gee! look at them three ducks,” he exclaimed. ‘“‘ Have youse fellies been toa Scrappin’ match? Mebby you've took de contrack fur cleanin’ de streets. Take me oat’, but yer doin’ good at it, specially old Graveyards over dere.” Dan was forced to laugh at this sally, Mr. Burns looked sad and Edward Geoghe- fan giggled, but the Nevada lily looked ispleased. ** Say, you're a little too fresh, you terra cotta tiled young un,” said Mike, “‘and I’ve HU, ter warm up yer breeches’ seat, I ave. *“Warm up nuthin’, Whiskers,” laughed the unterrified youth. “Do you know wot I oe you're good fur?” “No. motion in the place in a twinkling. out ay the cobbler’s. have been completely eclipsed av I'd wint there, but I did not, and Te Muldoon is still the pet of the fairies, be heavens.” PART XVIII. >a) HERE was plenty of fun to be had at S37 Muldoon’s Hotel that winter, be- SWK%G sides going tochristenings and all + pz that, and Roger was in for it every ime. When he was not rigging his dad he was off enjoying himself, and as Muldoon often fell into snaps not of Roger's making the fun was kept up just the same. There was theater parties, dances, little exhibitions, surprises and what not, all the time and everybody was looking out for something new. Finally Mr. Growler putin a suggestion one evening when they were all sitting in the office, which seemed to meet with gen- eral approval. “Tm a swaller-tailed, gilt-edged old so- ciety man, I am,” he began, by way of a preamble, ‘‘and I wan ter do just wot all them high-toned ducks does, just ter show ’em that I can, that’s all. “IT been readin’ a piece in der paper, I Vy te i Ws \ { ) ANY, . ah \\\ ui) — ee) * Me lucky star would . Part Il. have, what says dat some o’ them nobbs is gettin’ up a reg’lar nigger minstrel show, with end men and bones and banjoes and all dat, de hull business. “*T ain’t no copybook, I ain’t, what can’t getup nuthin’ on m’own account, but Id just like ter show folks that wese can getup sue as good a minstrel show as any o’ dem. Vot d’yer soy ter that, Mul, old pard ?” ‘““That yez do sometimes git an idee into yer head, Mike, and this is wan avy thim.” ‘*Oh, I soy, dat’s boss, dat is, an’ we kin have real niggers, too,” shouted Nibbsey. ° **No burnt cork in ours; de genuiwine ting; de real article, and all dat. Same as dey Say ason de posters. Den I can domy song and dance, can’t I, boss?” i) iu j a vi A ‘ ' ‘ . a ‘ » a Ye D> ‘Ne . » ; — yenenee / A \ 7 a ae \ \ WAY x ha - ~ Ss : ay : : ans SN m eet) \\ - \ . MAAN! 6 . \ . yahah y, a os " Ni — S ~ ~ = Sey eat) we N SAY ‘My N\ wil SS Uy, . Oo Wi | \ SY YL YY ih if Hall UY) Z ie et UY / Yy, Y Wy i m2 Nh : i ; f Yy y Ss “Gi! is i Sis, YY wr tf XX oul) " — ==. = « SS dui a U} thi **Nagurs, be heavens!” gasped Muldoon at length. ‘*Take me out! I'll not give the honored names av Terrence There was a com- | “Do yez want to have the show mob- bed?’ asked Muldoon. ‘“ Yez'll notsing, and that settles it.” “Till be der middleman, and you and Dan can sit on the ends,” continued Mike. ** Roger can play the pianner, and the rest can fill up.” **Faix, that’s all very foine,” said Mul- doon, “but I propose to sit in the middle meself.” ‘* You'd make a fine looking one ter sit in der middle, would’nt yer?’ sneered Mike. ““Come to put cork on dat mug o’ yours’ and you'd look more like a ape dan ever.” “Tl throuble yez not to make anny more allusions to me personal appearance, Mr. Growler,” retorted Muldoon. “Ar I had a face to dull an axe like ye, it might be necessary to make remarks.” “Minstrels is all right,” said Dan, “but BUDpOSS we have whitefaced wans. How wud an Irish minstrel troupe sthrike yez, wid harpers and pipers and all that?’ “ go on, we want a reg’lar nigger minstrel’ troupe, we do,” nted Mike. **T don’t care where I sit. t me on der end or in de middle or on der floor, I don’t care. I’m nuthin’ but a dizzy old door mat, I ain’t, and yer can walk all over me.”
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Part II. ‘‘ Perhaps, as yez have the biggest dia- monds and the most gall, yez had betther take the middle,” said Muldoon, ‘“‘and Dan and I'll go on the inds,” “You want four end men at least,” spoke up Roger. ‘*‘ You and Uncle Dan can be the bones and Mr. Burns and Mr. Edward Geoghegan the tambos, pop. How’s that for a flyer?” **Dat’s all right, Mul,” said Mike. ‘* Dat boy of yourn has got more sense than the whole lot of youse.” That was the way it was finally settled, and a programme was made up, Roger hav- ing this part in charge. A stage was erected in the big hall up- MULDOON’S HOTEL. begin der show wid der chorus. Let her ‘) , This was eertainly quite unlike the usual way of starting a show, and grins were seen all over the house. ‘* Good-evenin’, Mul, how are yer, Dan? Ah, there, youse fellers on der left,” said Mike, when the chorus had been sung. ‘““T say, Mike,” said Muldoon, who couldn’t assums a darky dialect to save his neck, “‘I’ve got a conundhrum for yez.” ‘‘Spit it out, Mul. I’m a double-breast- ed old Spink, I am, and yer can’t catch me on no riddles, yer can’t. ‘‘ Well, can yez tell me why a man wid a Frinch mother and an Italian father is an Irishman ?” ih i if fs Vs A hla Lf? — tn 8 epee, te, %e ee Dan electrified the house with ‘*‘ Throw him down, McClosky,” and the Honorable Mike gave them “ A bunch of Shamrocks,” in fine style, the melodies being inter- spersed with stories, jokes, snaps and quips, none of them very old, most of them fairly good and all of them very acceptable. The first part was long and went off with sie t snap and vim, and then came the olio. Muldoon and Dan did a sidewalk conver- sation act, Mike sang Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep, and wasn’t mobbed, and then Nibbsy,; in red flannel breeches, striped stockings, white cutaway coat and yellow vest, came on to do that celebrated song and dance of his. teliderryiit sa ‘Are yez all ready?” asked Muldoon, cocking up his feet. **Yes.” ‘*Hoorah, thin-—-we're aff!" In another mo- ‘ ment they were flying down the hill at the rate of two miles a minute. stairs, scenery and a curtain put up, and in three or four days all was ready. There was a big crowd at the show, the tickets being all complimentary and hard to get at that. A regular orchestra of five or six pieces had been engaged, and, after an overture, up went the curtain. . Nine blackbirds standing in a row, all in full dress, were seen and the applause was tremendous. - Mike put on adress coat, after much per- saaateine and fairly glistened with dia- monds, in his shirt bosom, on his fingers and dangling from his watch chain, Muldoon was not far behind him in that respect, and he made a dandy coon. with a big flaring collar, a woolly wig and a stun- ning dress suit, made expressly for the oc- casion. You would never have known Mr. Burns in his discuise, but the mugs of Dan and Edward Geoghegan were of too ronounced a type to be mistaken, even under cork. | Wash, Nibbsey, Frills and the Major filled in, the Te of them nok pene ex- ected to do anything except SI — PS Be seated, MS said Mike. “‘ Well * He ain't.” ‘* Yis, he is.” ** What fur?’ “Because he is avy mixed parentage, av coorse.” Den we're all Micks.” : “Yes, and that’s phwy whiskey and molasses is a Mick’s drink.” _ *‘ They’re after me,” said Mike, and Mul- doon sang an orginal verse to this popular ditty, as follows: In Ireland they’ve been having so much trouble and distress, They need a leader bold and brave, their insults to redress; They’ve hunted everywhere to find a man with brains and nerve, Who'll lead them on to victory, his country dear to serve; **And they’re afler me, after me, To capture me is every man’s desire, They’re after me, after me, I’m the very man that they require.” The house came down on that, of course, and the programme wenton. _ f Mr. Burns and Mr. Geoghagan sang serio comic ditties, the Major warbled a song of the camp and field, in not such a bad voice, The crowd did not recognize him at first, and he was allowed to get as faras: ** Oh, I love a ltttle girl and her name it is Louise, She’s a dandy, she’s a dear, and as nice as toasted cheese, We met down in the lane where the little daisies TOW, And aotan fine day, when her dads away— ” ot Se BOI gang ae to him. o did eve ing else, in fact. First, 2 so tare on the stage tumbled on him and knocked him flat. Then a lot of oyster shells, tomato cans and brickbats tumbled on him from the flies, and rattled him. ; Then,’ when he got out and made a break, the curtain roller just tumbled on him and broke him all up. There was nothing else after that, and Muldoon was heard to remark: “TI might have knowed he wud hoodoo the thing, be heavens. The next show he papeS in, he'll be left out entirely, so he wil.” One evening when there was plenty of snow and the weather was cold and brac- ing, Muldoon said to the crowd in the office: | **Phwat do yez say, byes, to a moonlight
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rr) ae _ Muldoon. 10 MULDOON’S HOTEL. sleigh ride and a coasting party to be follied a supper?” Mr. Growler thought that this would be a very large way in which to spend the evening.- | “Tm a gay old Esquimau, I am, and wear a fur shirt and eat whale’s blubber,” he remarked, in a poetic vein, “‘and sliding down hill is one o’ my reg’lar customs. Come on, let’s go and have some fun.” Dan was also of the opinion that it would be very fine. Yez haven't med a more sinsible prop- osition in years, Terry,” he remarked. **I’m Wid yez, sol am.” : R “Sure, Mul is peasy ter be just like he uster be,” said Edward Geoghegan. “ We'll all goon a coastin’ racket and we won’t Zo home till morning.” ** Hal it makes me think of me glorious. boyhood days,” s Buster. “You have a very jarge head, Muldoon, and I give you great credit for it. Ho-ho, ho-ho, a coasting we will go, over the snow, ho-ho, ho-ho.” **You are pleased to be poetical, my mili- tary friend,” warbled Mr. Burns, the poet. “In my great poem, entitled ‘ Gloriana,"a passage occurs whichis most fitting to thi occasion. =i ** See the snow come down all white and _ Glistening, skimmering, sparkling, Like cotton balls or tissue paper with their Strips torn or mayhap wads of the same, Covering all the landscape and then _ Glorianna in- woolen garb arrayed and Witha muffler and a tippet and great shoes, Of rnbber made, upon ber dainty fest, Seizes her birch bark sled and ——” *‘Niver mind about old Glory and her sled!” cried Muldoon, interrupting the poet. “We'll all go no and make a hurrah av it. Faix, Pll take the hull house,” *‘ Kin I go, boss?” asked Nibbsey, his red locks twinkling. St **Yis, all av yez.” “Oh, gee! Dat'll be great fun. Puts me in mind of de piece atdetheayter. Say, boss, just lemme give yer de last ting out: oes aie we met by chance in the little sunny a uted the veteran, Major ne, Me and my pretty Louise, down where de roses blooms; And now we're going to get married soon, And she is my sweetest——*" ** Hould an, hould an!” roared Muldoon. “Bechune ye and the major and Hippo- crates Burns, Till be dhriven woild wid Una Ee Let up an me.” “Ah, go on. Dat’s better dan wot old Soberness giv yer,” returned that incor- ele bell-boy. “‘He ain’t no pote, he ain’t.” “For wanst I agree wid yez,” chuckled Muldoon. “Den I kin go, kin I, boss?” “Av coorse, and Wash and the cook and Frills and all hands. We'll make a regular jubilee av it, be heavens.” “ Hooray !” chirped Nibbsey, as he ran off to tell the good news. The ladies were not included in the. racket, and it was just as well for them that they were not. Roger also declined to accompany the ex- pedition, his excuse being that the house ought not to be left alone. ~ Niver moind the house at all,” urged Muldoon. “It can take care ay itself. Come on, me boy, and injy yersilf. It’s not often that we all get off together like this.” “No, thanks, pop,” said that wise youth. “I think Td better stay at home to-night.” Something was sure to happen if all that fang went out, and Roger was satisfied not to be in it. * Av coorse the bye wouldn’t go off and ijave his mother all alone in the house,” ex- claimed Mrs. Muldoon, when she was con- Sulted. “I wonder that ye axed him, Terry.” “Oh, yez won't be alone, me jool,” said “There’s Mrs. Dan to talk to. She wudn’t let yez be lonesome. She'd talk yer bloind forst, and then there’s Mary Ann, who's as good as a whole sew- ing society at talkin’, so she is,” ry Ann only giggled, but Mrs. Dan wasn't going to let the insult to her dignity pass unrebuked. **Good land! I reckon you men beat all creation at talkin’ when you get started,” she snapped. ‘“‘] never did see the beat of it, but let me tell you, Terrence Muldoon, SE Se NNER AD ee arn re nn ee laughed Muldoon. fyou bald-headed old chimpanzee, that if you go to leading my poor, dear husband astray or get him into any scraps I won’t give you a moment’s peace, and as for talking folks blind, I do believe that one man can talk more in one hour than ten women could in six, and it’s real mean for an old gorilla like you, Terrence Muldoon, to go and slander the women so, when you “Police!” yelled Muldoon. ‘“Shtop pul- lin’ the shtring, some wan, or she’ll go an that way all night.” “You're a brute!” tossing her head. repels “ Hould an, sisther-in-law, that’s wan av Bedalia’s pet names, and it’s copyrighted,” snapped the lady, 4» big sleigh and two horses were pro- cured, and Muldoon, Dan, Mike, Burns, Edward Geoghegan, Major Buster, Wash, Rufus, Nibbsey, Frills and two or three boarders drove off in high glee. *‘ Wall, now, I neber tort de boss had so much sense,” remarked Rufus to Wash. ** He ain’t so bad, aftah all, on’y he’s Tish, but dar, he kean’ help dat. _ ‘Neber yo’ min’ ‘bout de boss, Rufe Jackson,” said the porter. ‘‘Dere am wuss fellahs dan him, I tol’ yo’".” Ss Ee Frills did not think it compatible with his dignity to sit with the cook, the porter or the bell boy, and he got in with Mike and Mr. Burns, although he really consid- ered himself far superior to either of them. “Oh, I say, dis is just gallus, dis is,” sang out Nibbsey, as they went spinning along. oat ain’t no skeeters on us, is dere, hey, Ss « Nibbsey had on a big cap with flaps to it and wore a coat over his usual jumper, and rou wouldn't have known him except for s dirty face and laughing eyes. * Hould yer whisht, me red-headed can- ary bird down there,” said Muldoon, “‘or ezll get thrun into a shnow bank the orst thing yez knows.” | . Muldoon was driving, and he did not care to have his attention taken off the horses by having to listen to any remarks made by that festive bell boy. “Ah! this reminds me of the winter campaign of ’62 when we rode straight into the enemy’s camp.” “The time yez dhruy a baggage wagon, wasn’t it, major?” asked Muldoon. ““No, sah, I was at the head of m command, sah, the Fifteenth Faginya rigment, sah, true to the North, sah. TI never drove a pag age wagon, sah, I'll have yo’ remembah, sah,” answered the major, getting his dander up. “Oh, I thot maybe yez did,” said Mul- doon, who was not to put down by any fire- eating Virginan. “‘Yez are not bow-leg- ged pucuE to have ridden a harse very much,” ; ““ Recollect, sah, to who yo’ ah talkin sah,” sputtered the veteran, trying to work himself into a passion. ; “ Ah, go roll in der snow and cool off,” snorted the Honorable Mike. pleasure party, dis is, and no bloomin’ prize fight.” ““Av coorse not,” chuckled Muldoon, **for av it wor a fight, yez wudn’t be in it, Mike. Yez knows when to kape out ay harrum’s way.” . **Shut up, youse fellers,” said the walk- ing delegate, assuming the role of peace- maker. “Can’t youse sing sumpin’? That's the proper steer.” “Tm a warblin’ old nightingale with a silver troat, Iam,” said Mr. Growler, “and Lae fellers kin come in on der chorus, [ll give yer Sweet Katy Connor, and if yer don't like it, yer can get out and walk.’ Nobody objected, and Mike sang, and then Dan and Edward Geoghegan warbled, and finally all hands broke forth. At last, when they were pretty well up town and away from the houses; Muldoon hauled up and said: “Over yonder is a fine hill for coasting, and beyant isa stable where we can put the sleigh and get a bob-sled. I know the man well, and um, ivery toime.” ** Ain’t it kinder dry coming up here?” a! Mik y muttered the Honorable Cain som ae that suthin’s hot would go fust rate. *“Yez are very considerate to think ay us, Mike,” said Muldoon, “and I am able “Dis is a- ell do me a favoravl ax . Bary at adi Teco 3 EA eaneem wi « a ee to inform yez that there’s a refectory con- nected wid the establishment I mintioned, so that. yez can threat us all. That’s phwat Nee intinded, avy coorse.” The Nevada celebrity could not get out of it, and later on, all hands were looking into the bottoms of several upturned tum- blers, while a pungent, aromatic odor could be observed hanging around the place. After this, Muldoon got a big bob sled or double runner, capable of holding a good round dozen persons, and off they all peated to the top of the hill behind the ouse. | “We can go nearly to the river,” said Muldoon, “‘ and it’s a foine straight’ road all the way.” ““ Who's goin’ tersteer, that’s wotI want ter know?’ asked Mr. Growler. — _ “To be sure, who is?”’added Dan. “Tis | got to be some one who knows allabout it.” ‘“*T have led mah: rig’ment, sah, the Fif- teenth Fajiniah, sah, to the front of the battle, sah, and lreckon Ican steerabob . sled, sah,” remarked Major Buster. ** Itis absolutely indispensablein such an emergency as this to have a reliable steers- man, said the poetically inclined Mr. Burns. ~ ; Nias ey .— “Let me steer, boss?’ cried Nibbsey. *“T'm just a dandy atit, Iam.” __ Muldoon looked around upon the moon- lit group to see if any one else desired to Say anything. pe . “Have yez all spoken?’ he asked, in roud disdain, suchas befitted the ancient ouse of Muldoon. . ‘Who's goin’ ter steer?’ asked the Lily of Nevada. ““Who’s goin’ to steer, is it?” repeated our landlord. **Phwat a question. There’s- only wan mon in all the gang thot Yd let steer, and that’s mesilf.” “You! Oh, go ’way!” ** Gee! hear de boss shout!” ** H’m! wha’ cheek he hab got!” ** Paix, Terry’s right, so he is.” ** Oh, sah—really, sah—this is too much!” Everybody had something to say, either for or against the proposition. *‘It’s no use in ses kickin’, byes,” said Muldoon at length. ‘Do yez think I want to risk me life wid wan av ye gillies a steerin’? No, be heavens, I do not, and furthermore, Im not goin’ to.” “What's der matter with Mul steerin’, anyway?” asked Mike. “It’s his party, and he’s got der bob, and if youse fellers kick, yer won’t get a ride, dat’s all—see?” It was, therefore, settled that Muldoon was to do the steering, and there were no further objections. ; Muldoon took his seat in front, ped the steering lines and waited for the gang to get on. ehind him came Dan and Mr. Burns, Edward Geoghegan and Nibbsey, and then the Honorable Mike Growler, the two nigs, the major, Frills and the boarders. : There was a full moon in the sky, a bi bull’s-eye lantern in front of the bob, an plenty of snow all around, so there was all the light they wanted. “Are yez all ready?” asked Mnuidoon, ene ale up his feet. ce e ” ** Hoorah, thin—we'’re aff !” ~ In another moment they were flying gore the hill at the rate of two miles a minute. PART XIX. 2eEOWN the hill all a flying went Muldoon and his party on the bob sled. The wind whistled through their whiskers, the moon shone bright, the snow ustcealen all around and everything} was oyele **Hooroo! Away we go, Muldoon. * Dere ain’t no flies marked Mr. Growler. = “Oh, golly! dis am ust like goin’ to heaben,” exclaimed Wash. ; : . Very exciting, sah. Just like the skir- - mish befo’ Richmond, sah,” cried Major Buster. f ** What's de matter wid de boss on steer- in’ now?’ exploded Nibbsey. : That red-headed youth was just a trifle too previous in his encomiums on Mul- doon’s steering. me byes,” yelled on wus, you bet,” re-
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— Down the hill they went, apparently all right, but really all wrong. , In the first place, their road led them right alongside where a cellar had been dug for a new house and had then been left. It was now full of snow to the very top, and was fifteen feet deep if it was an inch. | . In the next place, Muldoon mistook a big, snow-covered rock for a natural rise in the ground, and steered straight for it. He was going to give his party a bounce, and so he did. Thump! There was not as much snow on that rock as there looked to be. | MULDOON’S HOTEL. ; | 1] “Tm anold polar bear,lare,and I can stay all winter under der snow, but I can’t stand having a nigger’s heels stuck in my mouth and dat’s where I kick.” | At that another head came up out of the snow. and the fiery tempered Major Buster remarked: . ** Yo’ ah an impostah, sah, a reg’lah Swindle, sah, and- yo’ don’t know no mo’ about steering, sah, than a cat, sah, no sah, you don’t, sah, and if you desiah to take it up, sah, I am Major Bustah, sah, of the fifteenth Faginyah rig’ment, sah.” :“ Ah, go soak yer head, old Skyrocket, dat’s all yer good fur,” said Nibbsey, whose red head now Bhpead from another hole in the snow not far from the major. - eee na ec a a Re ha eee tessa wan av yer pomes, and it caused me to jibe the schooner and turn us allout.” **' Talkin’ of schooners,” muttered Mike Growler, “‘ could get away wid one of hot sapien about as quick as yer could make it up. ! “T don't see the expediency av stayin here in the snow all night meself,” read Dan. “Suppose we get a move onus?” *“‘ That reminds me of a passage,” said Mr. Burns, who at once proceeded to quote : Like down upon the bed clothes lying, Like-frosting high upon the sweet cake piled So hung the snow immaculate . : About the lonely dwelling sequestered, Of Glorianna, rapturous maiden, Till now the sun, forth shining——”’ ‘*I'm the only survivor, be heavens,” he muttered, looking all about, ‘‘and wanst more has me good luck stud by me.” Then he noticed a number of holes or depressions in the white expanse of the snow all around him. The bob rose in the air, and then tum- bled over on its side in a trice. » Muldoon felt himself shooting through the air as though shot out of a cannon. Then he struck something soft and yield- ing, and went down until he couldn’t see the moon. ; Suddenly he stopped, and was lifted up two or three feet. He had struck a ledge in the cellar wall, being more fortunate than his comrades. His head was now above the level, and he gazed all around in search of his friends. Not a solitary one could he see, although the sleds lay bottom up on the snow, not faraway. = ““I’m the only survivor, be heavens,” he muttered, looking all about, ‘‘and wanst more has me good luck stud by me.” ~ Then he noticed a number of holes or de- pressions in the white expanse of the snow all around ‘him, as though somebody with enormous feet had been tramping over the place. pecs dl ** Faix, I wondher av thim big stuffs med thim holes or phwat?” he mused. : Presently the head of the Honorable Mike came up out of the hole nearest to Muldoon and that gentleman's voice said: _ At the same time there was a commotion in the snow in Nibbsey’s near neighbor- hood, a woolly head popped up, and Rufus remarked: ““Ef dey wasn’ fo’teen foot ob snow atween yo’ an’ me, yo’ big Tish loafah, I'd punch yo’ head fo’ dat !” ** Another ward heard from and more to folly,” chuckled Muldoon, who wasn’t as much afraid of the cook as formerly: “Close yer mouth, ye liver-lipped mon- strosity, or I'll close it for ye wid a lump av shnow.” Frills was the next to pop up out of the snow, remarking in characteristic words: “* Breakfast at eight, sir, lunch at twelve. Any orders?’ | Then up jumped Dan, likewise Mr. Ed- ward Geoghegan, and also Wash, the por- ter, all at the same time. “The clans are eee iS laughed Mul- doon; ‘but p were is Hippocrates Burns, the mad-house pote?” *“I disclaim the title,” answered Mr. Burns, coming out of his hole. “Iam the Virgil of a later day, the Homer of to-mor- row, the—” “Jackass ay to-day,” chirped Muldoon. ‘**Faix, I think thot yez wor about to recite Mr. Burns suddenly ceased, his utter- ances ne chocked by a big wad of snow which Muldoon, with unerring aim, had hurled full in his teeth. | . Then down popped every head except the poet’s, and naught could be seen except nde holes in the snow. Mr. Burns was not a fool, if he was a poet, and when a head presently popped up he chucked a snow ball at it and then dove under cover himself. i) Mr. Growler got that crack, and he wait- ed until Edward Geoghegan peeped out to ae: if the coast was clearandthen soaked m. | “Come on, let’s git out av this,” said Muldoon, when half the crowd had got hit. “‘It may be warm here now, but a snow bank is not the best bed in the world and I prunes to lave mine. Who'll have something to take the chill off um?” - It was astonishing how quickly that gan scrambled out of the cellar and upon g ground after that. : In a brace of shakes they were all ont and making a bee linefor the nearest caravan- There Was no more Coasting after that, _youcan es : be certain.
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et tt, he ne a ee ‘drowned. Part IL. doon. ‘‘Faix, he'll give the dure a fine yank whinI tell him.” “Wot yer say ?’ asked Mike, as Muldoon hammered on the door again. Muldoon stood back at the end of the cord, braced himself, and said: “Hurry up, yer chuckle-headed sucker, or | yez'll be roasted toa cinder. The house is on fire!” : The Honorable Mike needed no second invitation. The way he rushed for that door was a corker. | Here was where Muldoon was the victim of misplaced confidence. : That door opened outwards instead of in- wards, and was the only one in the house that did. Just make believe that Roger didn’t know it! ; : Mr. Growler lost no time in getting out of the room when he thought the place was on fire. Bang! The Ata flew wide He in a jiffy, and cout tore Mike in a terrible hurry. Alas for poor Muldoon! The door banged him in the nose to start with, and then out came Mike, pell-mell, He tumbled slap into Muldoon, and down went both of them in a heap. The cord did not break, and out came that tooth as neat as a whistle. Mr. Growler, being very much rattled by his sudden fall, began to yell like sin and to punch his brother-in-law in a fit of absent- nmiindedness. * | Then out came Mrs. Growler, and also Romeo and Evangeline Growler, all very much scared. Muldoon had not reckoned upon their be- ing in the room with Mike. They came out so fast that they all tum- bled over Mike and ,Muldoon, and then. ater was music and no discount to the trade. * Mary Ann Growler had a high soprano voice, and she could make a noise with it, you may be certain. 3 ‘© Where's the fire?’ she shrieked, as she fell over her husband. “Fire, fire! Oh, mamma!” howled Evan- geline Growler. | ‘‘ Oh, dey ain’tno fire,” blurted out young Romeo Growler, giving Muldoona kick in the ear with his copper-toed boots. The cry quickly spread, being repeated onallsides. — ‘-Fire—fire!” rang up and down the cor- ridors. ‘‘Fire!” was repeated from flight to flight. ; Where is it?” cried some one. ‘< On de fuss flo-—Marse Growler’s room,” said Wash. _ Even Roger was not quick enough to pre- vent what now happened. Dan and his wife, Mr. Burns the: poet, as Edward Geoghegan, Major Buster, \ Rufus, Nibbsey, and half a dozen star boarders came rushing to the spot armed with water pitchers. They were all full, every one of them— the pitchers, of course—and the bearers meant business, The Honorable Mike somehow got out of the tangle just in time, and so did his wife and sweet infants. ; Not so the unfortunate Muldoon, how- ever. Swish—swash—splash! : The contents of a dozen water pitchers were emptied upon him all at once. The whole crowd must have been rattled, but at any rate Terry was put out even if he wasn’t on fire. ‘“Ugh! howld on!” he sputtered, nearly *Phwat are yez doing?” ‘“Putting out the fire,” explained Mr, Burns. “Sure, there’s no fire at all,” said Mul- doon. ‘ That wor all a fake.” a a quiét little feller wid yeller curls and blue eyes, and yer can stick pins in me and al that,” muttered Mike, ‘‘ but when a chicken-witted chump yells fire in der middle of der night just fur a joke, I gets mad, I do.” », 3 ‘For shame, Terry,” said Mrs. Muldoon, who now appeared. “I didn’t think yez wud carry practical joking that far, so I didn’t.” Tm 3 “Vez orter be shot, so yez had, growled Edward Geoghegan. 2 De : : S« TT MULDGON'S HOTEL, _ 1t’s a foine joker ye are, Terry, alarm- ae eee hull house,” said Dan, reproach- ully. His lady wife was not so moderate in her expressions of ese Pee ** Just like that e-headed Irishman !” she vociferated. ‘‘Such natural born fools as Aik shouldn’t orter live, they hadn f, and I wonder you ever had sense enough to come over here. That’s just like a man any LOW they hain’t got no gumption, none of ‘em Meanwhile, Muldoon was shivering and shaking with the cold, the water having Pace put onice, apparently just for his bene- “Don’t get a fit, yees people,” he re- marked. “It wor not me intention to alarrum the house, but only to get Mike Growler out so’s to pull me toot", but the brave mon med all the n’ise, him and his lovely family.” ‘Pull yer tooth, hey?’ snapped Mike. “Yer hain’t got none, yer old stuff; yer hain’t got sense enough ter have teeth yet. Ye’re nuthin but a baby, you ain’t.”* It was not often that Muldoon got mad, but this was one of the times. “Go an, ye gas bag,” he sputtered. ‘Don’t talk about having sense, for when it comes to that, ye’re not in it. Didn’t ez rin out like a mad thing the moment I hollied, and niver see me at all, and me shtandin’ furninst yez? Sure, yez knows that if there wor a fire, the alarrum wud be given quitely and not a song and dance med av it. Goan back to the peraries, ye Westhern gawk, and learn sinse or getin- oculated wid the brains av a pig and take yer proper place in society, be heavens. Then away went Muldoon, leaving a wet trail behind him, while the Honorable Mike sneaked off, followed by the jeers of the crowd, ; - Say, ole man, what's dis hangin’ to de door knob?” asked Romey Growler a mo- ment later. pene 2 “‘ Faix, it’s a tooth, so it is,” said Mary n. “Tt belongs to pop,” laughed Roger. “‘ Mike pulled it out for him, but not in the way he expected.” A ‘Sure, that’s like Terry,” said Mrs. Mul- doon, when Roger had explained; “‘ but phy didn’t yez pick out a dure that opened another way, er?” «Oh, that’s telling, ma,” laughed the young scamp. “Yer getting worse and worse, Roger Muldoon,” said the lady, but with a certain fondness withal, “and 1 don’t know phwat we'll do wid yez.” *T can do for myself, ma,” chuckled Roger. ‘‘But now that the fuss is over, Wash and the rest of the gang might mop up fhe water to keep it from spoiling the -eeilings.” ss fell yo sah,” said Major Buster at this, ‘‘that boy is a corkah, sah, yas, sah, a regulah corkah.” To this frank opinion, honestly express- ed, all hands gave their acquiescence. PART XX. (7 INGS went booming at Muldoon’s As Hotel in these days, and no one had any cause to complain of’a lack either of business or fun, for there was plenty of both. Roger continued to be a corker, but he did not always play roots on Muldoon, there being other material to workon. — Our g fellow to play larks on was Nibbsey, the redheaded bell-boy. | You couldn’t often fool him, and that’s why Roger enjoyed getting a gag off on him, not too often, but just occasionally. _ Just now one of the occasions came around. Nibbsey was asleep in his room one yee is when there came a thump at his oor. “Fire!” yelled some one through the keyhole. jumped that redheaded youth, tum- bled. into his trousers, hitched up his one Sai es and bolted. a hen he reached the hall, he went sous- ing into a pail of water, placed for his con- venience just outside. . ‘©Oh, Gee! Who put dat dere?” he sput- tered. 2 cee gees Sen A ELLOS LLL LLL LILLIE Le 13 ** Where’s de fire?’ he asked, in breath- less haste. ** Well, your head looks as if you’d run through one with your hat off, young fellow.” ** Ah, go on, never mind me head, where’s de fire?” ** Who said there was a fire at all?” ** You did.” “Did I?” SY es ‘© Whin?’ <* Just now.” ec e?”’ eri : : = HUMES yer holler fire through de key- ole ea **Oh, I meant that I wanted a fire. My room is as cold as a barn.” Then away went Roger with a grin on his face, and Nibbsey scratched his head. ‘Don’t agitate the coals or you'll have ‘em on fire in a jiffy,” laughed Roger. «< Ah, say, let my head alone, will yer?” - “‘T don’t want to touch it, I might scorch my fingers.” las hen Roger went down stairs and Nibb- sey retired to his room to finish his toilet. *« Dat young feller is a case,” he remark- ait “But he don’t often-catch me any- ow. Then he Peay to do thatsong and dance of his until Major Buster, sah, who had the room below him, pounded on the ceil- ing and demanded to know what all that noise was about. . *“Now Old Sulphurous has got ’em,” re- marked Nibbsey. ‘“* Dey ain’t no peace for a feller in dis house. It’s a reg’lar nest of kickers from de boss down to de porter. Reckon I better discharge meself and hire over again as clerk.” The next fellow that Roger sold was Mr. Growler. _ ‘That cyclonic gentleman was shaving himself in the office when the scion of the Muldoons went below. ** Why don’t you shave up-stairs, Mike?” asked Roger. : “Oh, yes, you would, wid two kids fool- in’ around you and fallin’ over yer feet just when youre going upon yer troat ‘wid der razor, wouldn't yer?’ retorted Mike. ‘You shouldn’t have such big feet.” ** Ah, go on, don’t de potry books say dat a man orter have a large understanding?” ‘‘ Well, if your brains were in your feet, you'd be a phenomenon.” aoe **Oh, go on,” said Mike, proceeding to lather his jaws. : : “Took out?’ yelled Roger with startling suddenness. : The result was that Mr. Growler jabbed the brush in his eye and nearly filled that useful organ with soapsuds. ss Ouch! wot’s der matter wid yer?” he sputtered. “‘ What yer do that fur, hey?” “Told you to look out, but you didn’t do it,” chuckled that bad youth. “* Ah, be too fresh for this town,” muttered Mike. ‘‘Go back to Ireland where ey like green things.” ‘““Treland?” said Roger, musingly. ‘Where's that? Ireland? I never heard of Be place. Do you mean the Fourth ward.” Such a disrespectful remark as that was more than the lily of Nevada could stand. Not know where Ireland was, indeed ! *“ Why Ireland is der Dingess country in der world,” he growled. ‘‘Go ax yer po where it is, and see wot he'll say. Don't know where Ireland is? Why you must be ” en. : ‘*“ Never heard of it,” said Roger, serious- vce Ah go on,” growled Mike. “Why, Ireland’s in Europe, that’s where it is.” ‘‘ When did they find it? It ain’t on my map.” Mr. Growler was fast Seedy very mad. «* Ain’t on yous map, ain’t it? Well, yer better go and find it, then! Where'd you've been if it hadn’t been fur Ireland?’ ‘Honestly, now, where is it?’ asked Roger, with at earnestness. en Mr. Growler got real mad and be- gan to explain all about it. Suddenly he realized that Roger was laughing at him, and he tumbled to the. fact that he had been very badly sold. “Well, ’'m a wide-awake old joker myself,” he muttered, ‘“‘and I sleep wid one eye open, but dat’s der time yer got me.
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14 ** Yes, and it won’t be the last,” chirped Roger, as he went off to hunt up some breakfast. = On the way he met Mr. Burns, the poet, with a far-away look on his classic coun- tenance. ‘**Heard the latest thing out, Burns?’ asked the young joker. ‘“No, my boy; what is it?’ replied the poet, eager for news. ““ The street lamps, of course. They beat even you for brilliancy.” ‘*Ha! pretty good!’ muttered Burns. ‘Have you heard the last stanzas to my poem? ‘They are great.” : “They are like that last joke of mine,” said Roger. _‘*How’s that?’ > “Founded on gas,” and Roger winked the other eye and skipped. Later in the day the young fellow got off a good one on Mr. Edward Geoghegan, the walking delegate. ! Roger came in with arose in his button- hole, although it was the middle of winter, © and roses came ee Edward Geoghehan was standing at the desk, talking to Mr. Growler, and got onto it. : ** Sure it’s a fine dude ye are to be wear- ing roses at this time of year,” he remark- ed. “Yes,” said Roger. ‘“* Want to smell of ‘No, I don’t. That’s not a rose atall yez have in yer coat.” “What is it then?” asked that innocent youth. ; ““There’s a squirt behind it, and ye'll Owe water in me face when I go to smell of it.” ** Oh, no, you're away off, it’s nothing of Bie (ue It's a regular rose. Smell of it, Mike.” ““l’'m a Jim Dandy of a joker myself,” re- marked the Nevada statesman, ““andIcan tell a snap a mile off. Dat’s no trick rose,” and he put down his nose and took a whiff. **Elegant smell it’s got, too,” he observ- ed, ‘“Reckon Mul won’t make any money if yer go buyin’ roses these days.” ‘Smells good, doesn’t it?’ asked Roger, carelessly. **Prime!” The rose looked inndcent enough, and Ee ECE SE bent down to take a smell of it. Then that bad fellow touched a button under his coat, and Edward Geoghegan got the point of a needle in his nose. “Glory, I knowed it wor loaded all the time,” he howled, jumping back and grab- bing hold of his nose. | jhat yer want to be such a sucker for then ?” snorted the Honorable Mike. **T said there was no water in it, didn’t I?” laughed Roger. “Go on, you young villain,” said Mr. ce ueea ‘“‘ Yez ought te be kilt, so ye ad. ** Next man,” said Roger, starting toward the floor above. Just then Nibbsey came along, saw the rose and said : = ** Oh, gee! ain’tdatala-la? Gimme that, will yer, young feller?” ** Certainly, take it,” said Roger, with great politeness. Nibbsey closed his hand over that flower and proceeded to take it. A needle in his thumb made him sud- denly desist from the attempt. “Gee! what prickers its got!” he howled, dancing and shaking his hand. ae hy didn’t yer tell me it had spikes in i 7 aed ** Want to try again?’ asked Roger, with & Sweet smile. * Bet yer life Idon’t. Dat’s twice you’ve done me up to-day.” “Well, maybe I can catch some other sucker,” laughed Roger, going up-stairs. That same day Muldoon got caught on a Tues not of Roger's getting up. é started out in the afternoon for a walk, wearing his high dicer and a diz ulster, and carrying a big silver-heade -stick. , You couldn't say he was on the mash ex- actly, but he looked just ton high toned for anything. e was walking along a quiet street where they had low stoops and English MULDOONS HOTEL. basements, when biff ! he gota load of snow right on top of him. t had been thawing that day, and the Snow on the roof overhung the eaves. Of course it wouldn’t fall off at any other pe but had to wait till Muldoon came along. There wasn’t so very much of it, but there Was quite enough for all practical pur- oses. L Muldoon sat down on the walk with startling ESTE his stick flying into the gutter and his silk dicer jammed-over his ears. **Be heavens, [m kilt!” he muttered in smothered accents. ‘* And it’s in heaven I am this minute. I knowit’s not the other place be the timperature.” He struggled out of his hat and found himself sitting in the midst of a pile of snow. “*Faix, ib must have been a big feller to make a snowball that size,” he nted, Then he looked up and saw just where the snow had come from. **Tll complain, so I will,” he muttered, getting up. ‘People have no right to lave the snow an the roof, endangering the loives ay the pedestrians. Ill inter a pro- test at wanst.” pinot tening out his hat and picking up his stick, Muldoon ascended the steps of the house from the roof of which the snow had fallen and rang loudly at the bell. While waiting for some one to come he began to compose a speech fitting for the occasion. He had got it into pretty good DADs when it suddenly occurred to him that he been waiting quite a time, ‘They couldn't have h’ard me, Ill ring ain,” he remarked. his time he eave a dandy old pullatthe bell, and he could hear it jingling all over the house. . *“That'll fetch thim, I imagine,” he said, as he began to rehearse his speech. It did not, however, and five minutes passed away, no one appearing. **Faix, I wondher av I’ve struck a deaf and dumb asylum,” he muttered, looking up. There was no sign to that effect, and once more he made that bell rattle. **They’re afraid av me, that’s phwat the are; but I'll rouse thim av I have to p the ould bell out be the roots.” Dale ge eeadt —ding! If there had been anybody in that house bey could not have helped hearing that pea That was just the secret of Muldoon’s standing there so long. The house was unoccupied, and had been for a week, ag He never thought of that, however, but presently gave the bell another yank. Of course no one came, and Muldoon after waiting a minute or two, repeated the dose, He had done this three or four times, when a red-headed servant girl came out of the next house and remarked: **Haven’t you got any more sense than to ii ringing that bell?” i ‘Muldoon considered the question irrele- vant, but he nevertheless answered : “I’m goin’to kape an ringing this bell till some wan comes and gives me an ex- planation.” *“Oh, you are?’ repeated the lady with the old rose bangs. **T am, be heavens!” ¢ Mee got lots of time to spare, haven’t you?’ “T have not, but it’s principle I’m shtandin’ up for, and I'm not goin’ away till I have an ixplanation.”. Tingaling-ting! “What do you want an explanation about?’ “J want to know for why they don’t Kape the snow off the roof.” * Oh, you want to know that, do you?” ** Vis, 1do. Some fell on me just now, and I wor nearly buried.” Ting-ting-dingalingding! **And you're going to wait there till somebody comes?’ ‘*T am that!” Ding-ding-ding! Ese “Well, I hope you won’t get tired.” ““T will not, faixy_ | | ey Part IT. when it gets dark.” **No, 1 thank ye.” pata ae ** Well, you’ve got paver ce anyhow, but “If you'd like, Tl send you out a bed ‘it won’t do you much good.” ** We'll see if it won’t!” Lp se US Muldoon was now keeping up a steady yank at that bell. “So long; Sluggers,” said the girl next door; ‘‘I’ll see you at the inquest.” Then she went in, and Muldoon went on with his wire pulling. * They're trying to tire me out, but they won't doit,” he muttered. ~ Presently a boy with a basket on his arm came along, stopped, looked at Muldoon, and asked: ** Say, are yer doing that fur fun, or are yer got ter? **I'm doin’ it for business, but I'll hire ye av yez are in no hurry.” “What yer ringin’ der bell for, any- how ?” : Because I want the people to come out.” The boy de SC danced a few steps, and then remarked : ** Well, you’re a daisy, you are!” ** For why do yez make that assertion ?” *“ Why, dey ain’t no people livin’in dat house, and dere ain’t been for a month.” Muldoon went right away from that house, and the bell had a rest. . **Be heavens! that’s just my luck. Avy the house had been occupied the snow wouldn’t have fell on me. No wondher the girrul nixt dure said that I had pa- tience. Anny wan but a faymale, howiver, wud have towld me phy I couldn’t bring anny wan out.” | It was now that Roger thought of a good trick to play upon his dad, and he made his preparations accordingly. _Of course you remember the minstrel en- tertainment which Muldoon and his friends gave, in the parlor? The thing was going to be repeated, and this is how it all came about. © A week or so after the show letters began to come in asking that another performance be given. ere are a few sample letters which Mul- doon received : | : NEW YORK, Feb. 16. ‘** MR. MULDOON,—Having been unable to attend your celebrated minstrel entertainment, I wish you would repeat it for my benefit. ‘* DEPEW.”? THE MESROPOLIS, Feb. * DEAR Mr. MULDOON,—Would you oblige me and the four hundred-by repeating your famous minstrel show? - MCALLISTER.”? FIFTH AVENUE HOTEL. © “DEAR MuLt,—lease repeat minstrels. Am dying to see you in black. SHERM AN.” a BROOKLYN, Tuesday. — ** FRIEND MULDOON,—AS an entertainer yor beateven me. Iam desirous of seeing your 1n- rivaled minstrel entertainments. TALMAGE.” These were only a few of the many let- ters received. SHE: . Others came, Senee by such distingnish- ed names as Buffalo Bill, Jack Dempsey, Bob Ingersoll, Sarah Bernhardt, Lawrence Re and Stanley, to mention only a ew. **I’m getting more famous than ever, be heavens,” said Muldoon, when he had read a dozen or more of these epistles. “Sure, it’s iligant swells we are entoire- ly,” said Mrs, Muldoon. ! “*Honest murretis sure to make itself known, Bedalia,” said Muldoon. ‘Sure, I ~ wouldn’t be sorprised ay the Asthors and the Vanderbilts and them axed me to give the entertainment in their parlors.” ‘Vis, and maybe yez could hire the Opery House, Terry, and admit yer frinds be ticket only, no money taken at the dures.” **Sure, it’s a social lion Iam. Let megee, how wud Chuesday next do for the enter- tainment ?’ “That'll be all right, Terry, for we want to see the African at the Opery on Wed- nesday.” “ *“Phwat African, faith ?” ** The opery av that name, av coorse, Lee African, be Misther Morebeer.” **Oh, yes, I remimber. Well, thin, we'll say Chuesda’, and I'll sind invitations to _all me friends.”
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Part IT, ~MULDOGN’S HOTEL, ee LL Se The letters were written, but, it is need- less to add, were never sent to the famous individuals for whom they were intended. Roger tampered with the mails, inter- cepted those letters, swiped the stamps and: was happy. Ail the same, there was a big crowd to see the show. Roger looked out for that, and he had half a dozen of his chums posted in the first row. He was there himself, likewise, ready for business. Up went the curtain, disclosing the semicircle of burnt cork artists, Muldoon in the middle, the Honorable Mike and Dan on the tamborine end, and Mr. Burns and Mr. Geoghegan handling the bones. “Good-evening, gentlemen.” said Mul- oon, “Say, Mul,” said Mike, “‘why are we — like a young widder?” “*T give it up.” ‘* Because we don’t Sty long in black.” There was more truth than first ap- peared in that remark. PART XXI. soon as the Honorable Mike got off that old time gag, there was a commotion. Roger and his chums arose in their seats, each armed with what looked like a big pop gun. Puff ! Sudden change from black to white without leaving the stage. They did not stay long in black for a fact. Those pop guns were syringes and were filled with flour. When the rods were pushed in the flour flew out. ; In two shakes those blacked up Micks were as white as snow. * There was a great scattering, too, when the flour struck them. ** Oh, be heavens, I’m shot !” yelled Mul- doon, dancing up and down. ** Phwat wor that?” howled Dan, digging at his eyes. -**Ha-ha! Iam attacked in a vital part !” cried the poetical Mr. Burns. **T’m an old North Pole explorer, I am,” remarked Mr. Growler of Nevada, “‘ but I never did like snow.” “Tf I find out who did that Ill boycott him!” said Edward Geoghegan in a busi- ness like tone. Meanwhile Roger and his chums had hid- den their pans apd were now sitting down enjoying the show. he audience just howled at the trans- formation of those stage darkies into ghosts, and thought it the funniest thing in the world. ** Get on to the clowns!” **Tooks asifa blizzard had struck’em!” ‘*Go on with the show; it’s awful fun- ° ”? ‘Guess those niggers must be scared, they turn so pale!” uldoon was the first to recover himself after the storm. _ He could guess what had happened, judg- ing from the whiteness of his apparel, and he had a dim recollection also of having seen Roger aim a ree or Senne, at him. He gave himself a shake, and advancing to the footlights said: “We have been requested be a number av ladies and gintlemin ay the highest re- spectability to give this performance, and be heavens we're goin’ to give itifit rains flour barrels! Mr. Burns will sing the fa- vorite ballad ‘A Bunch of Shamrock.’ Let her go, byes!” . «One pound of flour, Shamrock brand, sang out some one, : “The flower a Mie family, Mr. Burns,” oched somebody else. aly a Little veut Flour, that’s what nfé to sing, Burns.” see HOW about Seantiful Snow,’ old man? ’ Give us that.” : : “Coming Thro’ the Rye-flour. How will th “Tn this wheat, by and by, wheat flour, Muldoon stock.” 3 MraBirns was all'this time endeavoring to sing about the little bunch of shamrocks from my poor old mother dear. He might have been singing “Old Hundred” or la ‘Johnny, Get Your Gun,” for all that any Ce ee : -s ere was too much of a racket for any- thing to be heard. age In fact, it was quite evident that no one wanted to hear the show at all. The fuss had been started, and all hands desired to keep it up. Somebody fetched out a harmonicon and played on it and somebody else produced a a Jewsuary and started an opposition con- cert. Then Muldoon and Mike got off some brand new jokes, but they might have been time honored old gags just as well for nobody heard them. Mr. Geoghegan was next introduced and announced to sing: *‘ My Pal Jack,” but it must have been in dumb show, as the old playbooks say, for not a word was heard. ¢ Cat-calls, irrevelant remarks, discords - on the jewsharp, mouth-organ, and with canes and umbrellas on the floor, were all - the sounds that could be heard, and even the band was not in it. Then Muldoon got mad, arose, came for- ward and said: ‘¢ Yez may think this is a circus or a sal- vation army celebration, but it’s nayther and Tl pe lyze the mon that makes anny further disturbance. This thing don’t cost yez a cint and yez oughter have manners enough to sit quite and be intertained like gentlemin, be heavens, and not like a lot av hoodlims.” ; *‘Dat’s what I say,” supplemented the Honorable Mike. ‘I’m Mary’s little pee fur gentleness, Iam, but when I get rile I'ma re man’s Crossing, I am, an my breath fur two miles.” ‘Give us a song and dance, you two fel- lows,” said somebody, ‘The Kilkenny twins will now oblige.” ‘‘ Wuldoon and Mike Growler in a grand scrapping match.” ‘*‘ Be heavens, av yez don't kape ordher T'll get Hippocrates Burns to recite five hun verses of his celebrated pome, ‘Gloriana and the Jimjams,’ so I will,” threatened Muldoon. The prospect of being thus inflicted so awed that crowd of funny fellows that after that you could have heard the grass The show went on for a little while, but when Nibbsey came out todo that song and yer can smell ’ dance of his the fracas broke out anew. They just would not have it, and Nibbsey had to retreat after singing two lines, the crowd having by that time tumbled to his identity. Then the gang n to pet some went out, followed by groups of three, four, six and a dozen, until there wasn’t anybody but Mrs. Muldoon, Mrs. Dan, Mrs. Growler and her children, and a deaf old lady from around the corner, who had slept through all the racket, and only awoke when the noise stopped. ‘<T'll not be med a fool ay anny longer,” said Muldoon, at last. ‘‘ The show is over, and I belave it wor a put-up job all along. Wait till I see Roger. Be heavens, he think a house fell an him.” ** Ah, dat’s a skin, go on wid de min- strels,” piped up young Romeo Growler. a8 want to hear my popper sing suffin’, I 0. . | ‘‘Be quiet, Romey,” said Mary Ann, but the young Growler continued to protest until Mike, descending from the stage, per- suaded him with a drumstick that his noise was not wanted. ; Muldoon resolved after this that in the event of getting up a good thing, as in the. case of the first minstrel show, he would not spoil it by giving a repetition of the same. _ Roger did not suffer any dire punishment for his little snap, and he was quite ready to perpetrate something else as soon asa convenient DP POLLY arrived. It was not long before one came alon and the young scamp jumped into it wit both feet. One day a man came in and wanted to sell Muldoon a fine parrot. *‘ Faix, [had wan wanst,” said the Solid Man, ‘“‘ and it insulted me be singing ‘God pole the Queen’ and I want no more ay im.” ; 3 ‘But this isn’t that sort of a parrot,” lar roaring old coyote from Dead- tired, and. 15 urged the man. ‘“ It doesn’t jabber all the ” time, this bird doesn’t. Z ‘Sure then me wife wud like that, for she’ll have all the more opporchunity to talk herself.” *“No, this bird doesn’t taik much, but when he does speak it's worth listening to m. ‘Ts it then?” “Tt is indeed. The words of wisdom that fall from that bird’s lips are worth listening to.” ‘“¢*Thin he'll not call me an ould gorilla and tell me to shave the moss off me teeth.” “5 ‘No, indeed, he would not be so impo- ite.” : ‘‘Nor call me wife an ould hin, and ax her what excuse she do have for livin’?” ee no means. He is a very respectful “Have yez it wid yez in the box?” asked ey: pointing to a box the bird man ad. tee ‘“Yes. Would you like to see him?’ **T would.” The man opened the box and took out a big white bird which he placed on his - shoulder. ‘‘Faix that’s a funny-looking Poll par- rot,” remarked Muldoon. “I thot they did be green, or yaller, or blue, or some color like that.” *- This is the very rare Polar parrot, and they are always white, you know.” “A Polar wan?’ cried Muldoon. ‘So they have parrots in thim regions? I thot they only lived in warrum latichudes.” ‘Quite a mistake, my dear sir, a most decided mistake. They have parrots at the North Pole, but they are veryrare.” —_ ‘“ Why, don’t they freeze to death up in thim could climates ?” ‘‘Nature provides against it, just the same as with the bears, the foxes and other hyperborean creatures,” . “Yer don’t tell me? Well, well! How soon do yez suppose the birrud will talk?’ ‘Oh, in a few minutes,” — ‘*Faix, he don’t look like anny other par- rot Liver saw.” **Of course not. other like it.” . “And don’t he look wise and solemn? Faix, he might be a judge an the binch passin’ sintence.” “Oh, yes, he’s avery wise bird, and worth double the price I ask for him, sir.” *Phwat do yez want for him?” “Ten dollars.” ‘*T’ll give yez five,” said Muldoon. “Take him at that,” retorted the other so promptly that Muldoon wished he had gone lower. The dealer took the five cases, and the bird was put on the top of thedesk, where it winked and blinked in the most comical manner. Muldoon hung around all the morning waiting for some of the words of wisdom that were reported to fall from its lips. Not one dropped out, however, and Mul- doon was getting disgusted. Mr. Growler looked at the bird, remarked that it was a fine one, and said no more. Burns asked Muldoon where he got that magnificent stuffed bird, and seemed quite astonished when told that it was alive and was a North Pole parrot. — Edward Geoghegan wanted. to know if Muldoon had bought it for its good looks or won it in a raffle, and what he meant to do with it, now that he hada it. ‘*Kape it, av coorse,” said Muldoon. **Tt’s a very fine parrot that is.” ‘* Parrot !” echoed Mr. Geoghegan. “ Certainly.” “Can it talk?” “*Tt hasn’t done so yet, but it’s been doin’ a heap av thinking, and when it do spake yez ll hear something to astonish yez.’ ** So yer will,” said the walking delegate, and Muldoon couldn’t tell whether he was being laughed at or not. In the afternoon Mrs. Muldoon came into the office, saw the bird, and asked : “For why did yez get the stuffed owl, Terry? For the libry? It'll look foine up over the dure.” __, it’s not stuffed at all, me Irish linnet— it’s alive.” “And phat did yez want av alive owl? Faix, yes can’t ate it.” You never did see an- : ‘
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f‘uia@ 3 posted by Roger. 16 “It's not an owl at all, Bedalia, it’s a parrot—a rale North Pole parrot.” Mrs. Muldoon laughed, turned up her nose, and said: ; “That’sno more a Poll parrot than Iam, Terrence Muldoon. It’s an owl.” **T tell yez it’s a parrot.” ** And I say it’s an owl.” **Phat do ye know about ornipathology, Mrs. M.?’ Nothing at all, Terrence Muldoon, but I know all about birruds, and I tell yez that’s an owl.” ** And I tell ye that it’s a parrot.” ** Has he talked yet?” “No, he doesn’t say much, but when he do spake, ye'll be sorprised.” a Uf Wh) 4, al 2 * MULDOON'S HOTEL. “What sort av birrud is that up on the desk, William?’ asked Mrs. Muldoon. *“ Why, dat’sa Poll parrot, dat’s wot it is,” said the red-headed servitor. ** Didn’t I tell yeso?” exclaimed Muldoon. qe ye'd like to ax some wan ilse about ji 7? ‘“Tt's alla pack ay fools ye are,” snapped the lady. ‘That’snomore a parrot than a cat is a Billy goat, butye are all so full yez don’t know phwat it is.” Then she sailed away in high dudgeon, and Muldoon began to talk to the owl to see if he could get it to talk back. ** Pretty Polly, nice Poll, Polly want a cracker ?” he remarked. ————————— In two shakes those blacked up Micks were as white as snow. ** Oh, be heavens, I’m shot!” struck them. “I think yez will,” answered the aes with a burst of scornful laughter. “It would sorprise mé very much to hear an Owl say anything.” “But I tell yez it’s not an owl, it’s a North Pole parrot, and very rare.” ** Who tould ye so?” “The man I bot him of.” ** How much did ye give?” “Five dollars. He wanted ten.” ** He’s in four dollars then. Sure, that’s the commonest kind avy a white owl.” Just at that moment Roger came along. *“ What sort av birrud is that, me bye?’ asked Muldoon. ** Why, it’s a parrot of course. tell that?’ {Aer was triumphant, his wife puz- zled. ** How can yez say asked. Can’t you y that, Roger?” she “It's an owl. : Oh, no, you're mistaken, ma, it’s a par- rot.” “The bye knows phwat it is as well as I -do,” cried Muldoon. ‘ Ay coorse it’s a par- rot.” Nibbsey_now appeared, having been The bird just winked at him and said nothing. “Maybe it talks in North Pole or some av thim languages,” mused Muldoon. ‘Be sexes I niver thot toax if it spoke Eng- ish.” Muldoon did not speak anything else and so he was up astump. **Tll go and see if [can get a Dutchman, a Frinchman or an Italian tocome and talk to it,” he muttered as he went out. Frills could speak all three, and Muldoon sent for that hightoned head waiter and ex- plained matters. * You think that is a parrot, Mr. Mul- doon?’ asked Frills. ** Ay coorse it is.” * That is not the parrot, itis the owl, and he does not talk already, only to say ‘ Hoo!’ You do not know the feather of the ow] the nd eyes which seein the dark and not in the light ?” “I’ve h’ard so, to be sure, but this is a parrot and not an owl atall.” *““Ah, you make the weariness to me!” said Frills. “Someone has to you made humbug.” ** I tell yez it’s a parrot!” persisted Mul- \ = — —= seo 2 Was |S ‘ WY WN. Nes /- . . Mf a V. Weer y re yelled Muldoon, dancing up and down, that?” howled Dan, digging at his eyes. Part IT. a Sa Saaadenaieaaaiamiiaiaaaaurmaeaammmmiamemememninieeeresns ree doon, ‘and I want to find out what lan- guage he spakes. Say something to it.” “Oh, this is too much, you to make fool of me endeayor!” and away went Frills, dress suit and all, ina state of great indig- nation, Then in came the Honorable Mike, and Muldoon asked: “Tell me, Mike, widout a worrud av ae phwat sort av a birrnd that is beyant?’ “I’m a good little Georgy Wash, and I can tell a lie, but I won’t,” answered Mr. Growler. “I’m givin’ it to yer straight, Mul. That's an owl, an’ up in der country it’s worth about fifty cents.” “Tve been swindled, be heavens,” mut- tered the landlord, ‘‘and Bedalia was right, 3, SS (== Fan | is : : — eX ye 3 Atwater - There was a great scattering, too, when the flour ‘* Phwat wor Wait till I foind Roger. It’s him what put up the job on me. hatll I do wid an owl, I'd like toknow. I don’t kape a mn- seum.” “Turn him in with the parrot,” sug- ested Mike, ‘and let them fight it out. ‘ll put_ my money on the green.” “And that’s on top ivery time, me bye,” Said Muldoon, with true patriotism. The owl was !eft on top of the desk where he appeared to be ping no particu. lar harm, and was forgotten for the time. Muldoon went off to take a walk and find Roger, and the rest of the household went on with their regular occupations, pe tees bird sitting, as before, on top of the esk. Night came and nobody thought of the solemn-looking bird who now Sat in the dark, the light on the desk being shaded so that he was in obscurity. Time crept on, and at last everybody was in bed except Dan, Mike and Muldoon, who were enjoying a quiet little game of poker in the office. Muldoon did not seem to have any great luck, and after having held a pair of deuces for three or four times successively, re- marked petulantly: . OF 9 PR NG Hh Onan O) Ae Hh ends, | dee . aw deel ore et ee Pn GAS Wirt aes Gb te Wet pratpway @ Hoe {
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Parte i **Phwat kind ay a pack of cards is this, anyhow ?” : ** Hoodoo !” remarked a hoarse voice overhead. *< Faix, I think they are hoodooed for a fact, Mike. Yez spoke the truth that toime,” ‘ST never said nothing at all,” remarked Mike, who was dealing. ‘Vis, yez did, yez said the cards wor ? hoodooed. : ‘© Well, den, I did,” answered Mike, who was looking over his hand, and did not care to discuss the matter. ‘‘How many do you want, Mull?’ he presently asked. **To-whoo!” said a voice. Mike dealed out the cards, when, to his surprise, Muldoon said, sourly : ‘*“T axed ye for three cairds, me wistern frind, and yez only gav’ me two.” “Two !” repeated the voice. ** No, sor, three,” said Muldoon. “What do yer want to keep sayin’ two, then, if yer want three?’ demanded Mike. **T said three forst off.” *¢ Two!” said the voice. . ** Ye’re a loiar!” cried Muldoon. ‘‘Iniver said two.” ““T'o-whoo !” said Mike, Bpparenelys **Phwat’s the matther wid yez, anyhow, Mike?’ asked Dan. ‘‘ Don’t yez hear Terry say three. Phat makes yez kape conthra- dicting him all the time.” **T’m a silent old tombstone, and I never said nothing,” retorted Mr. Growler. **Dere’s yer other card. You told me two and I give ’em to bee How many, Dan?” ** Two, too,” said somebody. “You want two, too,do yer. Well, dere they are.” **T said wan,” replied Dan. said but wan?’ **T wo!’ said a deep voice. This time Dan got mad. ** T think yez have got two on the brain Mike Growler,” he returned, angrily. “eT said wan.” “Two!” *T did not. I said wan.” se Two.” : ‘*‘ For heaven's sake, Mike do be quiet and give the man his card!” cried Muldoon. “What ails youse fellers?” growled the Nevada lily. ‘I’m a leather covered old census book, I am, and what’s put down in me you can swear to, Youse fellers kee saying two and then say you don’t.” ‘Isaid three.” “Two.” “And I said wan.” og Wiles : Both Muldoon and Dan banged their fists on the table. ‘* Three!” yelled Muldoon. *©One!” howled Dan. ‘“To-who-two-two!” chuckled some one else, and a great SUE was heard. | They were all on their feet by that time, all considerably frightened. : A bi ae obec antes seen dashing along the hall and up-stalrs. The Honorable Mike was the first to re- cover his equilibrium. *T niver “Well, dat knocks me out!” he re- marked. ‘There goes yer Esquimaux par- rot, Mul.” **Oh, be heavens! it’s the owl,” muttered Muldoon. “Sure, I forgot all about him. It wor he that kept saying two all the time,” ‘No wondher we wor hoodooed,” sug- ested Dan. ‘‘ Well, ['m, glad he’s gon’. et’s go an wid the ee our or two later Dan went up to bed, having been frozen out by Muldoon and Mike. : : As he opened the door of his room, his sweet tempered wife sang out: “ What time is this to be coming up, Dan Muldoon?’ : ; “Two? came theanswer, in thick tones. “Two o'clock! Well, I never! You ve been drinking. I can tell it by your voice. ‘*You, too?” was the answer. “Me, too!” screamed the lady. ‘‘ Arent ou ashamed of yourself to say that? Don’t you dare to tell me I’ve been drink- ny t ** You too.” Mrs. Dan jumped out of bed, fired the astonished Dan out of the room, slammed the door and said through the keyhole: MULDOON’S HOTEL, ** Say that again you drunken Irishman and you won’t get in here all night.”, ““Faix, I haven’t said a worrud to this blessed minyute,” cried the astonished Dan, and he had not. *“ Now, you've got to stay out!” snapped the angry female from within. ** Me too?” said a voice over Dan’s head. He looked up, saw something white over the door and took in the situation. ** Oh, begorry, it’s the owl again! Faix, I had clean forgotten him. i, I say, let mein. Its allright. I niver said nothing. It’s all a mistake. I haven’t been drink. “Tt’s you!” added the owl, or what sounded like it. PART XXII. 2H, it’s me, is it?’ snapped Dan’s yo wife, through the keyhole. * You DZ won't get in at all for saying ' Ide ” “‘T niver said it at all, it was the owl. Git on out av that, ye hoodoo baste, or I’ll brake the head av yez.” This last was addressed to the owl, just above the chamber door, like that tiresome old raven we have heard of. Mrs. Dan took the remark as addressed to herself. . ‘Oho, you will!” she yelled. ‘‘ You'll break my head, will you? Not if l[knowit you won't.” : “T wasn’t talking to ye at all,” cried Dan, disgusted. ‘‘I wor spaking to the owl. Get out av this, confound yez, or Pll pull yez to pieces.” That owl had alread enough that evening an on him. : Now he meant to get rid of him, and, euler off his slipper, he let fly at the ird with it. | Whether his aim was bad or whether the weapon rebounded, we cannot say, but, at any rate, something dreadful Eeppenees he door suddenly opened and out flew Dan’s wife. is, She was Ape in time to get that slipper on the head. Then there was a commotion, if there hadn’t been one before. Down she sat with all her might, and began to howl, while the bird, thinking it had raised disturbance enough in that part of the house, flew away. Up came Muldoon, Mike, Mr. Burns, the oet, Nibbsey, Edward Geoghegan, Major uster, Wash and two or three other peo- caused trouble Dan was soured ple. Nibbsey grabbed a broom from a corner, where a chambermaid had left it, and made a swipe at the owl. Instead of hitting the bird he cracked the major, and that irate Southern gentleman and soldier peran to talk very 7 **Oh, Gee! I swiped old Brass Buttons!” cried the youth, who had a name for every- body other than their own. ‘‘Phwat’s all the n’ise about?” demanded Muldooon. ‘Dat Irish parrot of yours has got loose agin, and is stirring up a racket, I reckon,” said Mike, ; Such appeared to be the case, and a jolly racket it was, too. However, in the fracas the owl banged against a window pane, smashed it into several bits, and flew awa toe Matters were explained to Dan’s wife, who had fled upon the approach of strangers, and Muldoon’s brother was al- lowed to enter his own apartments. The owl was gone at last, and there was no more trouble that night. z The next day, however, one of the neigh- bors complained that the bird had roosted outside one of his windows, and had scared the servant into a fit by its hooting. ‘She thought she was going to die, and now she’s left, and I can’t get another girl, and I want satisfaction,” the man said. “Take it out of the owl, then,” advised Muldoon, and that was all the satisfaction the man got. Z Then somebody else complained that the creature had smashed his windows and wanted to be reimbursed for the damage caused. ‘‘Faix, I’m hoodooed be that owl,” mut- tered Muldoon, ‘but I won't pay a cent, 17 be heavens, and ay yez want to sue ye can and be blowed to vers =! _He didn’t pay a cent either, and the man did not sue, but the next time that blun- dering owl came around he got knocked over with an ax, and now he occupies a po- sition over the bar of a beer parlor some- where on one of the avenues above Forty- something street, and if you want to see him you have my full permission, but be sure and pay for your refreshment when you go there, or you will get bounced: A day or so after the final disappearance of the owl, Muldoon and Mr. Growler went out for a walk, leaving Dan to look after the interests of the hotel. . That giddy youth, Nibbsey, had got over his habit of putting “people into the wrong rooms, and Dan had acquired better busi- ness habits than in former times, and so Muldoon had more leisure than at first. ** Where shall we go, Mike?’ asked Mul- doon, when they had proceeded the length of a city block. “To get a ball,” suggested Mr. Growler. *“T’m an old hogshead ina season what ain’t had nuthin’ in for weeks, I am, and I'm as dry as a bloomin’ chip.” ** It’s chronic wid yez,” retorted Muldoon, *‘but I don’t mind standin’ yez wan disin- fectant.” _ They did not stop more than four times v the next six blocks, and then they met - oger. That young gentleman was about to enter an establishment devoted to physical cul- TS Soe aoe met nine ° : O, er, where are yez goin’?’ asked MEI AODTE rege *“In here. Won’t youcomein? I’m just going to take my lesson.” 3 “In phwat, may I ax? Ye play the pianny now and the flute, and ye’ve gone through a full coorse ay Frinch and Ger- man, till I don’t know puNee yere sayin at all, and yez have had boxing lessons till yez can lick Sullivan—in yer mind—and yez have had lessons in dancing till yez can spin like a top, and now, be heavens, here’s something else. Phwat is it?’ ** Gymnastics, op, that’s all. This is a gymnasium. Didn’t you know I went.” “Oh, yes, now Ido rememberit. I used to be putty good at that mesilf.” **Come on in wid him, Mul, and let’s do stunts,” said the Honorable Mike, -‘‘Bet yer I can jump higher than you kin.” **Faix, you cannot then.” _ ** Ah, go ’way, I’m an old flip-flop turner Iam, with spangled drawers and a green clout and I can kick spots out o’ der moon. When Ido them stumps, you'll be out 0’ sight.” | Roger scented a snap just about here and he said : ** Come on, You can knoc time.” : ** Look here youn feller,” said the Hon- orable Mike, ‘‘I don’t mind bein’ called a bad man and a galoot, and a no good, nora la-la, nora duffer, nor any o’ dem thin but I draw der line at’old stuffs, see, ade I can lick my heft in grizzlies.” . “Come on, sir, and show what yez can do,” interrupted Muldoon. “ Talk is cheap, but actions is legal tendher and weig heavy, be heavens!” “Yes, come ahead,” said Roger. “It worl cost you anything. You are my ests. **T guessed so,” said Mike. “Av yez go to gettin’ aff annything like thot whin ye get inside, me Nevada onion,” Said Muldoon, ‘‘ye’ll have the roof fallin’ an yez before yez know it.” . In they went, Roger introducing them to the boss of the place, and then going off to change his clothes. He presently reappeared in tights and trunks, and did a few simple things on the bars and rings just to get limbered up. **Dat ain’t nuthin—dat ain't!” snorted Mr. Growler. “‘I can do them things my- ae Show us something harder, young eller. Then Roger did some more difficult feats, and Mr. Growler did not have much to say. ~ “That's putty good, Roger,” said Mul- doon, “ but phwat’s the wire over there for and pay don t they tighten it up?” *“That’s the slack wire, pop, and the op, and try your muscles, E that old ‘stuff out every
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18 boys walk on it. Theres one of them now.” ' A young fellow in tights had just started from one end of the wire, which was sus- pended about ten feet from. the floor, and was now walking along it with apparently the greatest ease in life. It seemed as easy as walking on th fioor, and Muldoon did not sense the fact that the young fellow was a professional and came here to practice. “That's aisy,” the Solid Man remarked in an unguarded moment, ‘‘Let’s see you do it then,” said Mike. ‘You'd go flop on your noddle in two shakes.” Muldoon was not going to stand any such imputations as those, if he knew it. ““Go on!” he retorted. “It’s aisy, I tell yez. Av coorse, I can doit.” ‘To be sure you can, dad,” put in Roger, fanning the flame. “It’s as easy as eating mush.” 7 “To be sure itis. I know how simple it is, me bye.” ‘*T’m an old settler, I am, and wot Isays I backs up,” muttered the gentleman from Nevada, “and I bet yer five dollars yer ¢an’t walk from one end o’ that wire to the other without fallin’ off.” ** Go on, pop, take him up; you've gota cinch,” whispered Roger. ‘You'll win that five easy.” **¥’ll bet yez I ean, then,” said Muldoon, **and I don’t need no tights nayther.” Roger gave the fellow on the wire the tip, and he came down on the floor to see the fun. ** Here’s a pair of shoes, pop,” said Roger. ** Your boots are too stiff. You don’t mind the shoes, do you, Mike?’ **Mind nuthin’!” retorted Mr. Growler. ‘That old jay can’t do that stunt if you give him everything. If you was to carry MUSDOCONS HOTEL. . him over he’d make out to fall some way or another.” “We'll see if Iwill thin, me breezy frind,” retorted Muldoon, kicking off his boots and dispensing with his two coats, his hat and his vest. Mike came up closer to the wire to wit- ness Muldoon’s fiasco, for he was sure that there would be one. The solid man walked up a ladder till he reached the point where the wire started. He balanced himself for an instant, and then started off with that full confidence which ignorance of what is ahead always gives one. It did look easy enough to walk the wire, att a i S| he Hi Hh ‘t . a t ’ 4 { ., bit in NUS vb Af #1 4 ~ ML AG a . 44 ‘ eh) / belts ~ “ } a ” - ST fu ? Ws hy bei if i Tt SS Ha ae t “ AS re 2 \ \N HY gue SAR i } oy ae XS \ i | tii i A f f | ai beget, to eure and that’s where Muldoon got fooled. = He started off with a spurt, went about four feet, and then began to sway forward and back. : He tried balancing himself by throwing out his arms, but he overdid the business. He felt himself falling, and gripping the wire desperately with his toes, he clutched frantically at the air. | He got more than that, however, for he grabbed the hat of the Nevada lily and smashed it down over that gentleman’s eyes. Mike sputtered and howled and tried to get ey but Muldoon had a good grip and cept it. The fellows in that gymnasium had lots of fun, but Mr. Growler couldn’t see it. He made a break, and poor Muldoon was yanked from the wire in a jiffy. Fortunately two fellows Eevee him and he was not hurt, but Mr. Growler was bad- ly used up. That hat of his was only good for stuff- ing into a broken sash after that and his hair and neck had been pretty well cleaned in the bargain. When he got out of his hat and looked ‘ “~~ ue ey Pactra BUNA Peg OE — ee aut Muldoon was just getting upon his eet. **“Who's goin’ to pay for that hat?” he asked. ‘**T have nothing to do wid that,” retort- ed Muldoon. “‘ Nothing was said about hats in the bet.” — ** Well, yer lost, just as I'said yer would, and you owe me five cases and a new hat.” “lowe yer nothing ay the sort.” “Well, ’'m sayin’ yer do, and don’t yer forgit it. It’ll cost yer ten plunks to buy me a hat like that.” “Yes, it will—not. There was no hatin it. Besides, didn’t I walk the wire?’ **'No, yer didn’t: Yer fell off like a reg’ lar gilly, that’s what yer did.” ST Rea —== | i ; ml HE el =H be : 4) | ides wa MH ey | = it ** Did you see me fall off?” ; **No, I didn’t, but I know yer did all the same.” *“Yez have got to prove that I did before yez get the money,” said Muldoon. The Honorable Mike turned to Roger and the rest and said: “Til ask anny of yonEe fellers, no foolin™ now, if he didn’t fall off before he got half way acrosst ?” ° ‘Of course not. You must be dream- ing,” said the wire-walker. owre trying to crawl, Mike,” said Roger. ‘‘ You slipped and fell.” - *“Of course he walked it,” said two or three others, in chorus. It looked very much like a put-up job on Mr. Mike Growler. The man from Nevada evidently thought so, for hestuck his damaged hat on one side of his head, hoisted up one shoulder. thrust the opposite hand in his pocket, looked very tough and said: : “Well, I say he didn’t walkit, see, and if the whole lot of you said he did, I wouldn’t believe yer. I’m a sweet little innercent I am, and yer can make me believe salt is sugar, but you can’t make me swallerno such gag as that.”
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| | | i we ce f a” at ued A ronan tiers iets / . lily. Bartele **Do yez want me to try it over agin, Mike?’ asked Muldoon. The Honorable Mr. Growler of Nevada was very decided in his objections. **No, sir, I don't,” he warbled. ‘‘I got ‘one dose and I don’t want no more. I Stood at der oder end of der hall you’d man- age to fall on top of me somehow. No, sir, yer needn’t try it over again.” * Thin yez acknowledge that I done it?” ““Ah, yes, yer did—in yer mind! Yer couldn't a chalk him without steppin’ over it and yer can’t tell me yer walked dat Wire.” : **Oh yes, he did!” said everybody at once, Mr. Growler cocked his hat over to the other side of his head, took his hand out of his pocket, peeled off his coat far enough to show his striped shirt sleeves and re- marked : **T can lick der hull crowd of yer, if yer are in a gymnasium, and [ll take yer all together or one ata time—see ?—and knock yer all out! ’ma bad man, I am!” **Oh, yes, we know you!” said the gang all together. **Put on yer coat, Mike,” advised Mul- doon, Betting into his own. “I have no desire to take ye to the hotel in a hearse, and that’s phwat I’d have to do if the crowd took yez up.” The honorable Mike knew just how much bluster to put on, however, and he PAYS a contemptuous look to the crowd as € sauntered off, saying: © _ Dere ain’t one of yer I can’t lick, but I ain’t going to muss me collar just for nuth- in’, They ain’t no glory in it.” *“Come on, Mike,” said Muldoon. “Show thim some av those stunts ye used to do whin yez wor a bye.” “Show nuthin’!” snarled the Nevada **I'm goin’ home,” “Well, Pll have to go wid yez, thin, to a that yez don’t get into anny more trou- (a2 AYES they got outside Mulddon remark- e . : . **Do yez know what I think, Mike?’ *“Didn’t know yer ever did think,” re- turned the Western statesman. “ Yer don’t look as if yer did.” *“*I think that we’ve both been med fools av be Roger and the gang,” “You know you never walked that there wire, Mul,” said Mike. - **Av coorse I didn’t, That wor a gag. I thot I could do it, but Imeda most la- mentable failure av it, be heavens.” “Then you owe me five cases and the Price of a hat.” **I admit the five, Mike, but there was nothin’ said about a hat in the contract.” ** Well, come and blow me off, den, andI — Won’t say nuthin’.” It was very breezy after that, for both of them were blown off several times. When they turned their steps home- anc their walk was very wobbly to put it mildly. The sidewalk was not half wide enough for either of them, to say nothing of both together. “Why don’t yer walk straight, Mul?’ asked Mike, ma Se lunge that nearly Sent Muldoon into the gutter. “It’s not me, it’s ye,” and Muldoon planked Mike up against the front ofa ouse at his next step. : “Tf you ey slip like that, why don’t you \vear rubbers?” Then Mr. Growler pasted Muldoon up to &lamp-post. . If the post had not been there, Muldoon would have sat on the walk. “ Ye're a rubber yerself,” said Muldoon, See es against aniron fence. *‘ Yee allus rubbin’ u in me.” They Feanfiod the hotel at last, and all ands tumbled to them. — : ... Get onto der boss and ole Gasbags,” said Nibbsey. “A hull ayener wouldn’t be wide €nouch for dem.” “Mike must have been wid that hat av his,” said Dan. . _ ~ Itreminds me of a passage in my poem, remarked Mr. Burns, who happened to have a day off. * Never mind that fake potry, old Skele- tons,” said Nibbsey, “‘just get onto this.” he Youth took a reef in his suspenders, furne up the cuffs of his jumper, took a €w steps and let her go. . layin’ football nn _—_—_— eee _ sometimes the sidewalk MULDOON'S HOSTEL. * When the moon was shining bright, And the roses in the garden was in bloom a qoone where I met my dandy, my pretty, little ouise. | She told me that she loved me and I believe it for my mother told me so. She’s my sweetheart, I’m her beau, She’s my Annie, ’m——”? “Front!” bawled Muldoon, sitting on a bench. Such a combination as the one Nibbsey was getting off was enough to sober any- one. “Yes, sir,” replied the bell boy, with great suddenness. : *“Go get me a pitcher ay wather and for- get to bring it back.” * All right, boss,” and that boy’s red head twinkled through the hall until he was lost to sight. : ‘IT was about to say,” remarked Mr. Burns, ‘‘that your appearance, as you en- tered this humble domicile, reminded me of some lines of my own. I will repeat em: | ** Through the dim abyssmal arches, Of the woods, resplendant, gorgeous, Came the sumptuous, ever youthfal Maiden, Glorianna, clad in all her Pristine beauty, but with steps Erratic, wandering, just as ifshe - Knew not rightly to wifere she Wished to plant her foot next, as if Overcome by liquor, tangled were Her footsteps dainty, 6vercome by——” ‘*Niver mind Gloriana and the tangle- foot,” said Muldoon. ‘That kind av po’- try wud dhrive a man to drink.” “It’s slippery out, and Mul didn’t have his rubbers,” explained Mr. Growler. “‘ You mustn’t mind a little thing like that. I never slip upon the sidewalk, I don’t.” -**No, yez do not,” said Muldoon, “* but ets drunk and comes up and hits ye in the back av the neck, That’s the way, I suppose.” **Ah, you go take a walk,” grunted Mr. Growler, _ Muldoon did take one the next day, and Mike went with him. | It had snowed during the night and again - that morning. Between times Nibbsey and some other boys had made what they called a sliding- pond on the pavement in front of the house. This slide, as slippery as glass, was now covered with a thin garment of snow. Muldoon had taken not more than half a dozen steps when he struck this slide and suddenly sat down. The Honorable Mike glanced down at him in scorn and derision. “What's der matter wid yer, Mul?’ he asked, striking out his arms, elevating his nose and putting on no end of lugs. “ y ae yer keep yer feet? I never fall down, on’t.”” Perhaps Mr. Growler was just a little bit too previous in his eulogistic remarks con- cerning his ability to preserve his equilib PART XXIII. (@s#@)HE Honorable Mike did speak a N38 little too sudden, for a fact. ie Muldoon had arisen, brushed < the snow off the seat of his trousers and resumed his walk when sud- denly something happened. : : Mr. Growler had stepped on the slipperi- est part of the icy walk, over which the snow had thrown a mantle to hide the treacherous spot. Gymnastic gyrations, giddy genuflec- tions, exceeding even Muldoon’s funambu- ‘listic flirtation, followed this act. Flop! You could hardly say that Mr. Growler sat down. He did so many things before and after ease ta the sedentary act that it would difficult to say when or how he did it, even if he did. : The first thing he did was to perform a series of high kicking acts that would have made the fortune of any artist in that line. He kicked off his own hat, and sent it flying on top of a lamp-post twenty feet away. Then he whacked the back of his head with his other foot, and turned a flip-flap, sat down, slid four feet and a half, and finally fetched up on his back with his ulster tail tied around his head. 19 Muidoon stuck his cane under one arm, put on his eye-glasses, and looked down upon the prostrate lily of Nevada with a pitying glance. **Is that ye, Mike?’ he asked. ‘‘I’m not sure, bekase I undershtood ye to say that ye niver Slipped up on the ice.” **Go to thunder!” rejoined Mike, as he threw the coat tails off his head and strug- gled to a sitting posture. . ““Yez mean to say that ye niver could stand on the ice, I persume?’ continued Muldoon. “Tf yer kept any sortof a decent hotel, instead of a common old hash house, yer’d see dat der sidewalk was cleaned off eve time it snowed,” ejaculated the disgruntle statesman, ‘‘ but yer don’t care nuthin’ fur style, yer don’t.” *“Faix I do thin,” snapped Muldoon, “and Tl have the fault remedied at wanst.” Then he sailed back into the hotel, called up Wash, Nibbsey, Dan, Frills, and the chamber maids and gave them all a going over. “*Tt’s disgraceful, be heavens, thatI can’t have a decent sidewalk in front av me hotel,” he began. ‘“‘I fell down and so did Mr. Growler, and right in front avy me own dure, and the nixt thing I know somebody will be coming along and break their necks, and thin I'll have to pay for thim.” ** Nobody never told me to scrub off der walk, boss,” said Nibbsey. % *“ Well, they should, thin, ay yez haven’t - sinse eae to do it widout bein’ tould,; ye red headed son av a biled lobsther. Why didn’t yez see to it, Dan, av ye wor at the desk ?” <— sete, Then Mrs. Dan got her back up, and re- torted in her most peppery style: **Tt ain’t my husband’s place to clean off the walks, you bald-headed old chimpanzee and jl just thank you to mind your own business. If you looked after things your- self and not make other folks do your work you might have reason to complain, you old gorilla, but you don’t, and——” ‘“Wow-wow!” exclaimed Muldoon. “How did that thing get in here, and who’s spe the sthring av it. Avthatbe- longs to ye, Dan. Yez had betther take it away where it won’t get moth aten.” ** Paix, I niver thought av the walk, Ter- . ry,” said Dan, while his wife sat on asettee to cool off. ‘* Sure that’s the porter’s work annyhow.” s don’ need no Tishman to tol’ me wha’ mah wo’k am,” sputtered Wash. ** Jus’ yo’ ten’ to yo’ own affaiahs, sah, an’ I ten’ tomah wo'k m’se’f.” _—_. *- Howld yer don’t give no lip,” said Muldoon, “ Go eout there at wanst, ye and the bye, and clane aff the walk, and don’t let me have no more funny business about it, or I'll give yez all the sack, be heavens !” When Terrence spoke like that, it meant business, and no more was said. “Gee! but wasn’t the boss mad?” re- marked Nibbsey, when he and Wash were ey the ice and snow from the pave- ment. “Tjus’ let dat no good Tish Mick know he can’t talk to me lak dat many mo’ times,” sputtered Wash. “T jus’ of him sumpin’ te On BES I tol’ yo’ dat.” “Give him not’n’ Bonesy,” replied the the boy with the old gold Head “What de boss says goes, see? You won’t open yer face to him, and I’m givin’ it to yer straight.” ““Yo’m no good,” snorted Wash. “If * ie was any good yo’ wouldn’ take no sech ack talk lak dat.” , £0 sit on a spike, good-lookin’, and et sense,” snorted Nibbsey. “ Dere ain’t no ies on de boss, an’ when he gits mad he’s gota right to be an’ no nigger like you is goin’ ter say he hasn’t.” “Don” yo’ call me a niggah, boy, or I swat _ yo’ ober yo’ red haid,” and Wash raised his shovel threateningly. Swat! He got a biff on the side of the cocoanut with that snow-filled broom of Nibbsey’s eee caused him to set down and feel very. tired: “Gee! Would yer look at de coon, how Sep he sits down !” chuckled the undaunt- ing. “Did yer hurt anything, Handsome.” Wash did not fool with N ibbsey any RE jaw, ye African ape, and . all boy as he did some vigorous sweep- .
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Purt if. ——_— 20 MULVGUAS HOTES. ne more aiter that and the walk was soon as neat and clean as a new pin. It was the next day, or the next after that, that Muldoon set out for a walk, ac- companied by Mr. Growler. It was a windy day, quite windy in fact, and Muldoon had not taken six steps be- fore his hat blew off. : He made a wild grab at the runaway dicer, and in so doing, sent Mike’s hat fly- ing after his own. ** Hould on, shtop!” yelled Muldoon, making a dash for his hat, which was roll- ing like a wheel in front of him. fie did not think a°’word about Mr. Growler’s plug, but only of his own, and the result was that in jumping forward **Sure, the wind did that fur yer hat and yez wor not Satisfied.” Presently they came to a place where a building was going up, and where a ladder stretched from the curb up to the second or third story. | To go around the ladder would necessi- tate stepping in a lot of mud, mortar and water. Muldoon, therefore, walked under the ladder instead of going around it. The Honorable Mike regarded this pro- ceeding on the part of Muldoon with little less than horror. ** Dat settles it!” he said, positively, hanging back, ‘‘I’m goin’ back to der ranch,’ Wy HM I i f ] yf AN ara € **The divil fly away wid ye and yer ould woman's notions,’ laughed Muldoon. _ Come on an’ take something.” Mike consented, but he did not go under thatladder, you bet. Instead he went into the street, got his boots covered with mud, had a wagon splash him from his collar to his heels as it went dashing by, and got jawed by an old woman for getting in her way. ‘Next time yez'll go undherthe ladder, I’m thinkin’, and save yerself all that throuble,” remarked Muldoon with a chuckle. Mike said nothing. possibly for the reason that he could not do the subject justice, and the two pards proceeded. nm HTL HAT I HAHN {satiit \ Ty} \} | wal fit} ==: = 2 ; . pra . ‘ we a 2 ae Pe SS SS oo rey Nth - / es. i a it) ps we i/ hn ¥a eg H sistheaniaen i aime eit uy, ay a ye SAG eee © 7 ( Hn i i i 4M BX SH Sy x ied i Wane saa # uy HAN a a ‘wl ‘ . 5 ty oy 7 = — f=; SS ~—= — SS — - “ ——F —r i t Li RA a = i if ~4 nif 7 > a yr Pisa . oo a f . 2 SS ssl : iN : ; SS dl aS EN em; gD v7 — = He went into the street, got his boots covered with mud, had a wagon splash him from his collar to his heels as it went dashing by, and got jawed by an old woman for getting in her way. suddenly to secure his, he set his big foot Square on top of Mike's. “Well, you're der rockiest kind of a cota I ever see, Mul,” muttered Mr. Growler. ‘“‘Couldn’t yer see where yer was goin’? What sort of a hat do yer call dat now?’ **Tt’s a crush hat, be heavens, and yez can go to the opery or a ball wid it,” laugh- ed Muldoon, wiping off his own hat and putting it securely on his head. ' *T wouldn’t ’ve minded it if 'd had any fun wid der hat,” sputtered Mike, “but I hain’t. It’s a new one.” **Go and have it blocked and ironed and ifll be as good as new, Mike. Luck at me. I always luck as if I had a new hat, but I haven't bot wan in five years.” “Dats all right. You kin afford to get yer hat smashed. You've got der rocks and I haven't, and I can’t afford ter wear an old hat.” “When I forst knew yer, wan hat did yez for winther and summer, and thin around agin, and it'll do the same neow. Come on, ye mountain lily, and niver moind yer hat. It’s not hurted so bad.” “Come and blow me off, thin,” the lily responded. _ boots. ** What ails yez?” asked Muldoon turn- ing around. ; *Do yer know wot yer did, dat time?” **Phwat wor it?’ “Yer walked under der ladder, dat’s wot yer did.” * Faix, I couldn’t wock over it, me ex- cited frind.” ** Couldn’t bloomin’ jay ? : * Yis, and git mud and morthar on me I guess not.” “Well, I'm goin’ ter sneak and dat’s Straight.” “What fur?’ asked Muldoon in aston- ishment. **Yer’ve hoodooed me, dat’s fur what.”” * How could I?” ** By walkin’ under dat ladder. You’re all right yourself, ‘cause you’ye got der deuce and all of luck, and it'll be me wot’s queered, if I don’t skip.” **Ah, come an, ye superstitious gawk,” muttered Muldoon in disgust. ‘* Faix, I’ve walked under Jadders twinty times an’ nothin iver happened to me.” **Dat’s all right,” growled Mike. ‘Der won't nuthin’ happen to you, but Ill get der hoodoo and don’t yer forget it.” yer go around it den, yer They presently struck a gilded saloon, as it were, and entered. Muldoon was about to call for some- thing, when he was recognized by a man at the bar. ** Hello, Muldoon, come up and shake,” the latter cried. ‘‘ Who's with you, Mike Growler? Fetch him up, too.” “Have anny av yez thrun yet?” asked Muldoon, cautiously. “‘ Yes, you’ve got ten to beat.” *‘ Here's where I do it, thin,” and Muk- doon took up the box, rattled the dice and rolled out sixteen. Some one else threw seventeen, and one man got six. Mr. Growler admitted to himself that he had a pudding when he took up that box. He gave it a shake, tipped it over, and out rolled the three cubes of bone. Two of them showed an ace on top, the other was a deuce. . Four was all that the honorable Mike had to his credit. *¢Ye're stuck, Mike,” said Muldoon. — ** Dat’s all right,” blurted out the states- man, ‘* but I won’t be stuck agin. [I'm der king pin dice rattler, Iam, and I generally Sweeps in der hull pot. Let her go again.”
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Ne i ee, spell pecan endian —_—— eee ee ee — Part II. Mike started the ball rolling this time and threw fourteen. 1 ‘‘ Ts ain’t often too cold a day. for der lily _ of Nevada ter blossom,” he remarked as he passed along the box. Pegi Muldoon got eighteen this time, the third man threw sixteen, somebody else got fifteen, and the other tied with Mike. ‘“ Throw off the tie with Skatesy, Mike,” presestet SURE E Mr. Growler took up the bones with a confident air and shook them out. He got seven, ‘¢ Never mind dat, der other fellow may get on’y six,” he remarked. The other fellow caught nine. Mr. Growler was in a hole again. After an interval the cubes were again agita r. Growler was low man again, getting six, while the others took from fifteen up _ to the top notch. lucky day,” he growled **Come ‘Dis ain’t m as he paid for the refreshments. on, Mul, old sport.” . They went out, and just as they got out, a Swinging sign over the door broke awa from its moorings on account of the win and fell on Mr. Growler’s head, He was not hurt and the sign was nota big a but he was disgusted. ** Well, dat settles it,” he muttered as he Straightened out his hat. ‘‘I’m goin’ Straight home.” ** Ah, what’s the matther wid yez atall?” muttered;Muldoon. “Tf ain't no gray-headed old fortune- teller and I can’t read dreams nor nuthin’ of that sort,” retorted Mike, “but I can tell wot’ll happen if I stay out with you just as good as if I sawit. You’ve queered me, you have, and my luck’s gone back on me, ‘Goan wid yer ould woman’s fancies, yer jay.” : “7 told yer dere’d be bad luck if yer walked under dat ladder. Fust I gets me hat busted, den I muddies me boots, and den I gets stuck three times, and after dat a sign fallson me. Somebody’ll sneak a lead uarter on me and maybe a bunco steerer ‘ll get hold o’ me if F stay with you. I'm g£0in’ home.” é : *“Ah, come on, don’t be foolish. Ill shtand the next round,” said Muldoon. | Mr. Growler consented, and in so doing flew directly in the face of fate. The first man he met in the refectory, which they next visited, was one to whom he owed five dollars, and the fellow wanted it very much and would haveit. | Then he set them up as he said, got too little change, had a row with the gentle- man behind the counter, and was threaten- ed with ejection if he did not keep quiet. He hauled Muldoon out of the place and started for home, but two seconds there- after stepped on a broken coal-hole cover, slipped up, tore one trousers leg all up the side, and got kicked in the back by a near- Sighted ola party who was coming along ina hurry and did not see the obstruction. After that you could not have hired him to cont.nue with his old pard. “Tain’t no Chicago hog,” he snorted. *Tve got enough. I stay with you Til be See inan ambulance and Mary Ann’J] be a widder. Tell me which way er a-goin, Mul, and Ill go the other. Fe hoodooed me and I are got enough of it.” Muldoon had to go home alone, for Mike wouldn't, have him along after all that had appened. fact, Mr. Growlers mishaps were not ot even if he did go home without Mul- oon. First, they happened to be emptyin ls when he reached Forty-Somet Street, and he was to the lee of them. Before he knew it, he was covered from ead to foot with fine ashes. - Then he hurried on, and, despite a mans Warning, suddenly found a ton of coal dumped right over his feet. He had less than half a block to go after that, but in the time necessary to cover that distance, he was braced by two bum- mers, who claimed to have known him in Oormer days, and wanted a quarter apiece, had his toes step on by a clumsy hay- Seeder, who had just arrived in town, and nally had his hat blown down a sewer by & Zust of wind. ash ing MULDOON’S HOTEL, ‘‘T knowed I was queered der very min- ute Mul went under dat ladder,” he mut- tered, as he hurried indoors, “‘and I was a wooden-headed old chump ever to goon with him after that.” “Say, Whiskers, dere was a man in here wid a club just now,”said Nibbsey, coming forward, “‘and he says you owe him "leven dollars and sixty cents fur fancy shirts, and if yer don’t have de money in half an oe eet tell everybody you’re a dead eat. **You go sit on yer own head and burn yerself,” growled Mike. ““Say, get onto dis,” said Nibbsey, exe- cuting some dance steps. ‘** Oh, she’s my daisy, she’s sweet as honey, She’s a dandy, she’s a dear, she makes me feel so queer, Down where the daisies grow. And to-morrow night, at half-past eight Me and my pretty Louise——”’ “Front!” bawled Dan Muldoon who happened to want that redheaded youth just then. ; : : ‘<All right, Irish,” cried Nibbsey, skip- out. ‘“T knowed I was hoodooed,” growled Mike, sitting down. ‘“‘That young red- headed snoozer has to go and sing at me just as if I was a post and couldn't poly meself. Is’pose Burns ’ll come in next an want ter unload a ton or so.o’ potry on me. Dat’s right, I’m a foolish old jay, lam, and I ain’t got no friends. Der next time Mul- doon walks under a ladderT hope it'll fall on the sucker and kill him.” “You seem sad and weary, Mr. Growler,” said the voice of Mr. Burns, the poet, in his ear. ‘There is a passage in my grand epic poem which I know will console you. t me read it to you.” Without waiting to obain the Honorable Mike’s consent to this proposition, Mr. Burns proceeded to recite : ** Like some jovial, festive, hilarious, old Rounder, too much liquid fire partaking, And with sad remorse o’ertaking On some debtor with his bills enormous Sent in to him with demands imperative - For their immediate payment or the Prison; so sat Glorianna, sad, dejected, All broke up, as vulgarly we say it, Head bowed down and shoes untied, like Some tipsy wanderer home returning, Or some careless——”” *‘T’'m nobody’s darlin’, and dere don't a bloke in der hull world care a ra me,” sputtered Mike, jumping up, “but I draw der line at having es try fired at me, and, in his wrath, Mr. Growler upset the bench on which Mr. Burns sat, knocked the man- uscript out of the poet’s hands and into a big stone spittoon, kicked the poet’s hat clear into the street, and then swept like a cyclone up to his own apartments, where he remained incarcerated for the remain- der of the day. When Muldoon came home, and was told all that had happened, for Mike had con- fided his woes to Mary Ann, he laughed, and said : oS ““He’s only an ould gawk for holdin’ such notions, be heavens, Sure nothin happened to me, but thin I wor born under a lucky star, and it’s an inclement da when wan ay the Muldoons gets hoodooe by annything.” ™Young Roger put his mind ona snap a few days after this, and gave his whole at- tention to it so that it would prove 4 suc- cess. When Muldoon came down to breakfast on that particular morning, he found a bi pasteboard box on the counter marke with his name. : ‘To Muldoon, on his birthday, from his many friends,” itsaidonabigtag. “There was two dollars and sixty-tree cents to collect on it,” said Mike, “ but the boy said he’d call again.” “ Faix, that’s a nice way to make a man a birthday prisent, make him pay the ex- press charges.” ’ é = “* Maybe dere’s silver knives an forks in it, Mul,” said Mike. 2 ‘Ora tay set av solid goold, suggested Dan. ‘‘ Yez always wor lucky, Terry.” ‘*Faix, [had forgotten it wor yer birth- day, Muldoon, or I'd have given yer some- thing meself,” said Edward Geoghegan. “Tm not sure if it is or not,” muttered Muldoon, ‘‘I had an idee it wor the Sivin- teenth.” f . - t. O E | ia annythin he 21 ** Just listen to the old stuff,” snickered the Honorable Mike. ‘‘He thinks he’s. Sait Pat. Would yer listen to the gall of im. ‘“What’s in de box, boss?’ inquired Nibbsey. ‘‘ It smells bully, whatever it is, Open it and let a feller see can’t yer.” “Yes, open the box!” cried all the gang. | S Maybe it’s diamonds,” ** Or a case of wine.” ** Oh, I know what itis.” ‘* Tt’s a bookay, dat’s what it is.” ‘* Well, ’'m a dizzy old guesser, I am, but shoot me if ever I’ve thought of dat! Who’s goin’ to be fool enough to sind Mul- doon flowers, I’d like to know?” Just then, along came Roger. ‘Hallo, pop,” he said, looking at the box. ‘*Gota birthday present, have you? That's good. What is it?” “< Be heavens I don’t know, me bye, anny more thin ye.” “Well, it’s an easy thing to find out,” and Hoper cut the string around the box and took off the cover. : “Oh, my! ain’t that a daisy?” he ex- claimed, holding up something. Muldoon pressed forward but could see LUA *< Tell you what, pop, that’s fine, that is.” ** Didn’t think yer’d get such a handsome one as that, Terry.” ** Dat does ee proud, Mul, only it’s too good for yer, [ think.” *“ Dem's la-las, boss, and don’t you make no error. Everybody seemed to be looking at some- thing which Roger held in his hand and were all admiring it. The young fellow turned his hand this way and that and held it up high for all to see, but Muldoon saw nothing. 3 The box was empty and Roger had noth- ing in his hands and yet the whole gang seemed to be admiring as ‘‘Phwat is it yez have?” asked Muldoon, breaking through the gang. “Yez all seem to be shtuck on something, but I can see nothing, be heavens. Phwat is it? A diamond ring ?” : «* Ah, you must be blind!” remarked Mike, ‘not ter see a big bokay, twice as big as yer own head, all made up of der dandiest kinds of flowers.” ‘‘Can’t yer smell it, boss? tell yer wot, dat’s a honeycooler, dat is.” *-Isn’t it fine, pop?’ asked Roger. “ You gute a be proud of that. Where shall I utit?’ pe Be heavens, I think yez must all have gon’ mad,” sputtered Muldoon, “for divil a flower do I see or smell.” _ ‘© Oh dear ! the poor man is blind !” PART XXIV. BLIND, is it?’ cried Muldoon, indig- nantly. ‘‘ Faix, thin, Tmnot. It’s yez that’s paralyzed, the whole av yez. “And ye mean ter say yer can’t see dat bustin’ big bunch of flowers wot der boy’s holdin’ up over yer head ?” asked Mike. __ He's holdin’ up nothin’ and yez all know i 1B) Yo se h, pop, how can you?” “That's right, Mul, we're all liars, of course, and you're the on’y feller wot’s tell- in’ deren *Faix, the majority is agin yez, Terry, and av yez can’tsee the bokay, yez must be Muldoon began to think that perhaps there was something the matter with his eyes after all, and he gave them a good rub- bing. “Tm blowed av I can see annything yet,” he muttered. “ Where is it, Roger? “Why, right here in my hand,” said the Ne cee “It’s funny you can’t see them. ** Give me one 0’ dem, boss?” asked Nibb- Sey, **T want ter give it to me girl.” ~ b, yez can have them all as faras I care,” said: Muldoon, “since I can’t see g. s Yor nuthin’ but a mole, a reg’lar bat,” declared the Honorable Mike. “It’s hty funny that yer can’t see what all of us . ** Betther go and have yer eyes attended to, Terry,”suggested Dan. ‘They must be failin’ yez.”
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- 24 every time. Funny how time goes so slow. when yer a-chinkin’ of it, ain’t it?” ‘Well, I don’t know. I can ginerally mark the minutes in their flight, me frind.” ** Bet yer can’t look straight up in der air fur five minutes, Mul. bet yer five cases yer can’t, bet yer five plunks dat yerll look down before tree minutes isup and tink der time is gone.” ** Faix thin I can tell to a hair when the last minyute is gon’, and if yez bet an that yez'll lose.” ““No, I won’t, and I’m a-tellin’ yer so. Yer can’t look up straight in de air fur five minnits.” ; “T can, faix.” An | Go rn ———— —. ———— ee Rf H " ’ ib u ’ Hit HAT ‘ ' tb iW + ; H 4 1 HAM | Ht 1 Se \/ ; 4 3 on ite ne i : t nih . rt ’ } wie he ui} ia ’ ¥ wi \ \j ' CL r tite | ith He " tik i ta) | " ' Hed i : ; q uu ye Re | r ih , an 1} | Ht] rf { SL t f f ; | chile in ] ‘ Tih et) \ . eae ili r ' \ ‘ ; } iia ’ { With, ii . tt i f | . 4 tt it j mitt ith yh ay / i hi ‘ ; 7 ' hay bd shy ii ie as ~ * a ath iat BY ev De ' | if + Tt 4 uy } Ht mii « ; aie ¥ | uh mt eH it } , : ‘ ; ' ~ j heh “9 f , ' ui thd bi : i jy 4 t j hae || un i : i ; [yee i ll H ' } | 47) ‘ ha fi | ' ; ! Hi + Hh ss ie { Hi iff ’ it i WME H) * TE He : HH ' } | / ' —_ MULDOON’S HOTEL. slip out of his hands just for the sake ofa pain in the neck. _ **Qh, yis, now he’s purtendin’ to be pick- in’ me pockets, but he ain’t, av coorse. I’m too fly for that. I won’t look down till the time is up.” It certainly looked from Muldoon’s point of observation, as if he would surely win the stakes. PART XXYV. INALLY, when it seemed as if his neck would crackin two, Muldoon put down his head. “Its more’n foive minutes, he said, ‘‘and thim foive dol- iT r TET “ify } ( ies 4 \ Sei 4 A, 4 ‘tw + ly ih ti balhhs tal + = | ‘| i. =e =—_— 32 = SS LSS SSS == oa =~ H} en ETT DEE ho eayeeee TTI LLP fl ' f 4) Fit U1 HT tomers bE ~ Part II. st Mr. Murty Whalen heard the cry and acted accordingly, He slipped into a doorway and let the gang ae Mees. He had no intention of swiping Mul- doon’s property, nor did he desire that the joke should land him in a station-house. The crowd swept by him and then he turned and went the other way. Just now a strange thing happened, although it might have been expected. The crowd took Muldoon to be the thief. The latter thought that his tough friend must be close at hand and he dashed on at a furious pace, » ** Stop thief !” howled the pursuers. The new ones that heard and joined in eam ae yyy hte eae ttre fu He suddenly made an alarming discovery. His watch and chain, his seals, his scarf pin, his loose change, and his pocket-book were gone. His pockets were turned inside out, and every one was to let. ** Bet yer five balls yer can’t.” Tl go ae ** All right, tell me when yer ready,” and Mr. Murty Whalen hauled out a big soaker of a gold watch and looked at it. “I’m ready now thin. Phwat time is it?’ oh SENSES ten. Are yer ready?” cs is ” “* Let her gos : oe - Up went Muldoon’s nose in the air till all that you could see of him was his throat. ‘Sure this is an ould thrick,” he mused. “‘He’s goin’ to make eout to take me pin, so’s to make me back down before the time, but I won’t do it, be heavens.” The wary Terrence kept account of the seconds, and was not going to be fooled if he knew it. He could ay feel the man fumbling at his watch chain, but he paid no atten- tion to it whatever. “Faix, I know its only wan minyute yet,” he thought, “‘and I’m not goin’ to lose me bet av I know it.” There he stood, with his nose pointing straight toward the zenith, his hands at his sides. He wasn’t going to let that five dollars Then he suddenly made an alarming dis- covery. His watch and chain, his seals, his scarf pin, his loose change, and his pocket-book were gone! : His pockets were turned inside out, and every one was to let. His boodle had been prigged, his watch was annexed, his pin swiped, and his loose change snatched. : Mr. Murty Whalen was seen just dis- appearing around the corner at full speed. Muldoon realized the situation in just two shakes. Mr. Whalen’s little joke had turned out to be quite a serious affair to Muldoon. The latter had won the five dollars, to be sure, but he had lost everything else. *“Stop thief!” he bawled, giving chase. **T’ve been robbed, stop thief !” ‘Stop thief!” howled an old man, who heard the cry and immediately bolted after Muldoon. “Stop thief!” yelled everybody within hearing. . Around the corner flew Muldoon, and after him came three men, seven boys, four dogs and a tramp. | the chase saw Muldoon in the lead and naturally took him to be the culprit. __ You can’t raise a cry like that in the city of New York without creating a first class racket in ten seconds. The street was fullof people in a jiffy and all pends were yelling for all they were worth. Muldoon suddenly stopped and looked around for Whalen. Murty had disappeared and Muldoon could not account for it. His stopping gave the gang time tocome up. athe old man was the first to arrive and he instantly collared Muldoon. : ‘“‘T’ve got him, here he is, don’t let him get away here he is, I’ve got him !” he cried excitedly. Then tired or four came up and they all grabbed Muldoon. ; . ‘‘ Here he is, don’t let him go, we ve gob him,” they all bawled. = Lastly, a blue coated copper appeared on scene. | . He took in the situation, for being a cop- per, he had to take in something. “What's der matter here?” he asked, for he was tough, or:
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Part IH. eceieetal = ** This man is a thief !” cried the old man, pointing to Muldoon. * Ye’re a liar!” said Muldoon **T was chasin’ a thief, so I was. “That's the man, officer.” ‘Don’t let him get away.” **T know he’s the feller.” ““T saw him when he first ran.” “Take him in, officer.” Everybody had something to say. The officer didn’t puzzle his head over the affair two seconds. promptly. -Muldoon said he was nota thief and the — old man said he was. “You come with me,” he said to Mul- doon, “‘and you’ve got to come to make der charge,” he said to the old man. ‘Sure, iverybody knows me, I kape a ho- tel,” said Muldoon. : The copper was new on the force, and had moved to the city from the wilds of Brooklyn. Consequently he had never heard of Mul- oon. “Yer gotter come with me I tell yer, he remarked, “for I'll club the whole head off yer. None o’ yer beefin’ now, but come along, and you, too,” . The old man objected, and said he had not seen the affair, and so could not make any charges. : “Yer gotter come with me, I tell yer said the copper. - Then he collared both Muldoon and the old man and lugged them off. “Tll go wid yez,” remarked Muldoon, “but let me tell yez, me foine mon, that it'll cost yez yer job whin the judge sees me. | At the nearest police station the ser- geant recognized Muldoon, but thought he would have a little fun with him. “What's allthis?” heasked. «The tarrier stole suthin’ and this bloke saw him,” said the tough copper. “Are you ready to make the charge? asked the sergeant of the old man. **No, your honor, I have_no charges to make. Idid not see the theft committed. I heard some one cry ‘Stop thief!’ and saw this man running. I gave chase and cap- tured him.” “Yer fat-headed chump!” muttered Mul- doon. ‘It wor me that wor robbed, and me what gay’ the foirst cry. Only for ye T'd,have got the vilyan meself, for I know um well, . “The old man is an_ aReC EI DHCe, ser- ant,” cried somebody in the crowd that ad entered. ‘The other fellow passed the stolen goods to him.” ae og ““That’s a lie, be heavens!” cried Mul- doon, “and av the sucker phat said it comes out here, I'll break the face av um.” ‘Take that man toa cell,” said the ser- geant, indicating Muldoon. “* Begob, sergeant dear, yez knows me as well as yez knows anny wan,” said Mul- oon. : : ‘‘ Never saw you in my life,” said the ser- geant, with a sober face. : P ; “Oh, glory! and it’s manny a nip ye ve had at my bar whin goin’ yer rounds. Faix, I’m Muldoon, and av coorse yez know “Take that man away,” said the ser ant, severely, “and if he makes any fuss, handout him. Clear the room! The crowd was fired out, and then the sergeant said to the old man: *“You can go, sir, but you must come and make a charge against this man to-morrow morning.” ““But, your honor, I have no charge to make. I really did not see the offense—— “That will do,” said the sergeant. “*Comie and make the charge or you will be locked up.” “But, your honor, how can I make any charges when——" The sergeant winked at two of the men, on that old man was bounced out in quick ime. Turning to the officer who had made the arrest, the patra gave him a laying out, somewhat in this style: ‘You are a fine man to_make an arrest, aren’t you? You're too en fora country Policeman, you are. hat’s one of the richest men in the ward; keeps a hotel and is known all over, If yen make any more arrests like that you'll get transfer- red. You can go out on your beat. The tough cop felt rather flat at that, but’ | | MULDOON’S HOTEL, he oe. not say anything and had to light ou The sergeant kept Muldoon in a cell for about three hours and then sent for him, hE STS lad ors else, and said: “Well, Mul, what joke is this? Who put it up ?” *‘Be heavens, it’s no joke at all, ser- geant,” said Muldoon. ‘‘ Murty Whalen, the heeler, got away wid all me property, and I wint afther him, and thin that stchupid ould gawk put the. polis an me and hadme tookin. What sort av min do yez have on the foorce, sergeant, phat don’t know Terrence Muldoon ?’ , ‘“How did Murty Whalen happen to steal from you, Mul?” asked the sergeant. The Solid Man related how he had been robbed: , ‘“‘ Well, you are a la-la, Mul,” the officer remarked, with a hoarse laugh. ‘ Murty doesn’t intend to take your things, of course. How did you ever let yourself be taken in by as old a gag as that?” ‘‘Faix, he said, I couldn’t,and I knew I could,” said Muldoon. —~ The sergeant laughed again, and then Muldoon asked : . “For why didn’t yez know me whin I come in, sergeant?’ ‘¢Oh, just to keep up the joke,” laughed the other. ‘‘I guess you'll find the things when you get home, and, by the way, Mul, I'll be around when I’m going home and take in that champagne supper youre go- ing to pee up on account of this racket. Ye'll be taken in yerself thin av yer ex- Pech to take annything of that soort. ivil a bottle will I set Opz : **Oh, yes, you will, Mul. The boys will get the grand laugh on you if youdon’t.” Muldoon went home, and sure enough, found Murty Whalen talking to Mike, Bie Edward Geoghegan, Burns and the ajor. He had evidently been telling the boys all about that little joke, for everybody ede when Muldoon entered. Then they all went for him. : **Can you look up in the air for five min- utes, Muldoon ?”’ *“ Well, you area nice feller to catch a thief, you are !” E ‘Got took in, didn’t yer, Mul, yer dizzy dude ?” ** You orter get killed fur bitin’ at an old chestnut like that!” Muldoon listened to all these remarks and then saw something resting in one of the pigeon holes of the safe. It was his Asay, which Murty Whalen had annexed. : He took possession of it and then said: ““Yez owe me foive dollars, won on a bet, Murty Whalen, and don’t yer forget i ” “That's all right, Terry, old pal,” said Murty Whalen, handing a fiver over to Muldoon, ‘‘ but it’ll cost yer more’n that ter set der fizz up fur der boys.” ee: “‘T’ll notopen asingle bottle that isn’t ped for,” said Muldoon doggedly. He thought that he could keep this reso- lution, but hecouldn’t. — Everybody that came into the hotel dur- ing the rest of that day and the next had something to suggest about se) A in the air or chasing thieves or something of that sort. Whenever pao ae out he heard similar remarks on all sides. If he went into a refectory, he heard al- lusions to stargazers, et cetera, if he entered a car, some one had something to say about it fete wherever he went he got it in the neck, ; The newspapers had it, the variety the- aters took it up, songs were written about it and Bees gave away the snap to my humble nibbs. That settled it, and Terry had to set up the champagne for all hands before they would stop talking about it. : T haven't had mine yet and that’s how I came to give the thing away. It happened that Muldoon took another walk a few days later, and the Honorable Mike, Mr. Burns and Edward Geoghegan ‘th hi went with him. something “always Somehow or other. took place when Muldoon went out for a Sal aod he ought to have been wise and ept in doors. tf he went alone he was generally all - friend?” asked the Dutchman. right, but when he took Mr, Growler orany one else along he invariably got into trouble. The gang now walked in squads, Mul- doon and Mike ip advance, and the poet and the walking delegate behind. It was just after St. Patrick’s day, and the Honorable Mike did not feel like smil- ing through a glass, having hardly recoy- ered from the effects of the celebration, and for that reason Muldoon considered him a safe companion. There were other dangers besides that of taking too much liquid refreshment, how- ever, and they were waiting for that quar- tette of old pals. Roger had seen them go out and he was ropes to give them a racket. The four friends had not walked very far before a German band came out of a Bids street, headed the line and began to play. **Faix, we have music,” said Muldoon, not displeased. Presently, however, he felt otherwise. The band began playing the Rogues’ March and attention was immediately called to the gang. **Hould on, let them go ahead,” said Muldoon, stopping. The band stopped also, but went right on playing. As it happened Muldoon had paused directly in front of a police station. The inference was obvious and the crowd that now gathered drew its own conclusions. - ** Get onto the chain gang, fellers.” ** Aint they a pretty lot of stuffs !” ** W here’s the striped suits.” ** Oh, they’re only waiting for them.” ** How much are they going to get?” ** Oh, about three years apiece. ** Let's go the other way,” growled Mul- doon, wheeling about. Mr. Burns, the poet and Edward Geo- hegan now headed the procession, fol- owed by Muldoon and Mike. Next came the band, playing ‘‘ We won’t go Home till Morning” very loud. **Get on to ther chowder party,” said somebody. ‘** No, that’s the Salvation Army on par- ade,” said another man, TH ** No, it’s the Knights of No-Work, ona toot,” remarkeda third. ~ Muldoon concluded that he had. had about enduplh of this sort of thing. ~ He paused, turned around and thus ad- dressed the leader of the band: ‘‘Phwat_ are yez folleyin’ uz fur, yeh Dootchman ? Can't yer shtand shtill, begob?” *“Vas you owned dem Bete ee play me mein band wherefer I blease, ain’t it.” ** Well, yez don’t want to folly me around and I won’t haveit.” ~ “*T blay mein band chust wherefer I likes, _und you don’t got nodings to say about dot. Go ahead mit der moosic once.” “*Yez can play all night av yez likes,” snorted Muldoon; ‘‘but I won’t have yez follyin’ me, and don’t you forget it.” ** Maybe you had better mind my own beezness myselluff once, don’t it?’ said the Dutchman. Then the band began laying louder than ever to the tune of the.*‘ Watch on the ine.” ; “Come on,” snorted Muldoon. ‘ Yez can niver argy witha Dootchman.” . He and his gang turned.down a side street; but the band followed, playing ** We've Both Been There Before.” Everybody came out to hear the music, and Muldoon was the center of attraction, Kids swarmed around him, heads were thrust out of windows, boys came runnin from all points, and there was a small- ee mob in the neighborhood in a short ime. ‘ *“Hi, Jimmy, come quick, sojers !” **Tt’s another St. Patrick’s. Come on!” “Naw, it’s nuthin’ but a Dutch band.” ** With tarriers init. Ah, goon!” Mr. Mike Growler was mad, but not mad enough to slug the leader of the band. The latter was a bigger man than Mike, The Nevada statesman could shoot off his mouth, however, and he did so. **Look a here, boss, ’m a tough citizen from the backwoods, I am, and when I hits out wid my fist, trees fall down, see? You just want ter stop follerin’, as I tell yer.”
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22 nn nce ee “Bad thing for a man at yourage to lose his eyesight,” asserted Edward Geoghegan. * You,ought not to read so much, late at night, Muldoon,” advised Mr. Burns. ~ “It's a good thing that I am blind, be heavens, ay I had to read yere potry, Hip- pocrates,” returned Muldoon. ‘“*I’mspared that misfortune at laste.” | “Don’t you see them now, pop,” said Roger, holding up his hand. *“No, I do not.” **See what?” asked Mrs. Muldoon who suddenly eb pearet “What have yez there, Roger?’ . ; _ The lady had not been posted or the gag might have been kept up on Muldoon for some time longer. : wernt. veneers —~S==S== — — ** Oh, yis, now he’s purtendin’ to be pickin’ me pockets, but he ain’t, av coorse. There was no use trying to fool Mrs, Muldoon, for she was not biting at any such snaps. “ Roger says he has a fine bokay in his hand, Bedalia,” said Muldoon, “but I’m hanged ay I can see it.” ““Ay coorse yez can’t see it, ye great gawk, because there’s none there,” said the lady. ‘*That’s only another wan of the bye’s jokes. Will yez niver learn sinse?” Then all the gang broke out into alaugh, and Muldoon went away looking very sheepish. : “That reminds me of a verse of my oem,” said Mr. Burns in a cautious tone, ooking around. He did not see any black looks on the faces about him, and so he proceeded : ** Down the rocks precipitous, majestic, Pied in solemn grandeur, heavenward, Slow of tread, deliberate, thoughtfal, stately, Looking nor to right nor left but straight Ahead, down the jagged pathway slimy *Twixt the horrid, awful, sonorous, sable Echoing boulders, Glorianna——” ** Well, 'm an old sky-gazer wid a forty- foot spyglass, I am,” interrupted Mike, “and I can see furder dan any one here, but yer kin shoot me if I kin see what old MULDOON’S HOTEL. Glory comin’ down der rocks has gotter do wid Muldoon and dat fake bokay.’ “IT was coming to that presently; if you had only waited,” remarked Mr. Burns. **To be continued in our next—world!” said Roger. ‘‘Do you’ ever expect to get that poem finished, Burns?” . **Mebbe he will if his friends don’t kill him fust,” said Edward Geoghegan, “‘and if they don’t it will kill thim—if they got too much of it.” “* Faix, I thinkit’s very purty,” said Mrs. Muldoon, ‘although I have not the last idee phwat it’s all about.” *“You can say the same of a good deal of poctry besides what Burns makes, ma,” aughed Roger, / *" er an = down till-the time is up.” Mr. Burns went away looking very sad, and Nibbsey proposed to restore hilarity Dy giving that famous song and dance of is. “Tf yer do yer'll get killed,” muttered Mike, ‘‘and dere’ll be a red-headed angel sneaking across der golden gutter to-mor- rer morning.” Nibbsey concluded that perhaps it would not be wise to attempt doing what he had proposed, and as Muldoon called to him just then he did not get the opportunity. Roger got up a better snap than the last one in the course of a day or so, and I shall have to tell you all about it. A man came in while Muldoon was at the desk, and said very glibly. *“T want you totry my new patent sugar- ing compound, is better and lasts longer than sugar and gives more satisfaction, is recommended by all the royal families of Europe, the President of the United States and the cabinet, the Emperor of China, the Shah of Persia, and an of Tartary ‘the Sultan of Zanzibar, and the Grand Mogul of Zampillezorror.” Before Muldoon could Rasp out a reply that he didn’t want any of the stuff, the drummer proceeded : . Part if. ** A bottle of my celebrated sugaring mix- ture will make a pound of sugar last ten times the usual time, one pound will suffice where it formerly took ten pounds, thus Saving ninety per cent. in your bills, and giving one hundred times more satisfac- tion, and pleasing your guests forty times more than anything else ‘you can buy. “Buy this grand article, sir, and you will never buy anything else. Just try a leetle of it, sir. Samples free, and no charge for trying. Try before you buy, that is my motto. Try, buy, and you will die, die happy, of course.” = The glib spoken young man now handed Muldoon a pellet as big’asa pea, passing = —=! I’m too fly for that. I won’t look it between the arms of a dainty pair of sugar tongs. . Muldoon See the pill in his mouth and crushed it between his grinders. “* Troth, it’s sugar,” he said. “*No, sir, that’s where you are mistaken, itis not sugar, although it tastes like it and looks like it, but in reality itis farsu- - erior to sugar, does not costas much and © asts longer, at a saving of five hundred per centonyourbills. Try asample bottle, sir, it will last youa week and in a few days our salesman will come around and take yourorders. Youare sure to buy fiity dollars worth if you buy a cent’s worth. This sample will cost you one dollar and is worth one hundred in showing you how you can save in your——” *“Hould an, hould an, you'll talk me blind, be heavens!” cried Muldoon. “ Why didn’t yez hire out as a shouterina dime museum? Sure, ye’d make yer fortune, so yez wud.” ; 3 ‘Yes, sir, one dollar judiciously spent is worth fifty thrown carelessly around. Take this sample bottle, try it to-night, and you will please all your guests and be obliged to turn people away from your doors, or build a hotel five times the size of this. You ‘ ‘ Pree ren eye rin ‘ 7 eninmeann, oT
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Part II. never spent a dollar more judiciously than cha are going to spend this one, and I will——"” ** Hould an; I'll try the stuff andif it’s anny good I'll let yez know,” interposed Muldoon, taking a dollar from his vest pocket and handing it over to the talking machine. fe : “Thank you, sir, a thousand times oblig- ed. Ilike to come across a man of sense and discretion. This will be money in your pocket, sir, yes, sir, and you will be ten thousand times obliged to me for having introduced to your notice so valuable—— ‘*Yis, yis, but for Heaven’s sake get out and call again next week, next year, next cintury, av yez like,but only get out. Troth, av 1st mother had manny such talkers as ye | wondher she didn’t go crazy. The drummer collected the dollar, put a bottle wrapped up in blue paper on the counter ait skipped out. _ ; The aforesaid bottle had a wide mouth and a thin cork, and Muldoon presently slip down the paper from about the neck, took out the cork and sampled the contents. . | ; There were little white, frosty-looking cubes in the bottle and they certainly tast- ed decidedly like sugar to Muldoon’s un- cultivated taste. ; ‘**Begorry, I don’t see any difference be- chune this and sugar,” he remarked, when he had eaten one or two cubes, “‘but it’s very fine sugar, all the same. Ill trysome of it to-night and see how it goes.” : Presently the honorable Mike came in, saw Muldoon’s jaws working and said: What’s yer eatin’, Mul? I s’pose yer couldn’t pass it, could yer?” ** Help yerself, Mike, and tell me how yez like it.” Mike Growler crunched the cube between his pet pude pear ee vera : ** Dat’s purty good sugar, Mul. Dey ain’ no sand nor chalk nor stuff in dat.” ‘*“ Yer like it, thin? Take another bite, Tm thinkin’ avy buying some like it.” ** Well, dere won’t no kick if yer do, Mul; der sugar you’ve been gettin’ der house is better fer buildin’ purposes dan fur sweetenin’ coffee, you bet yer life. You got badly stuck on dat last ba’l.” Then came Dan Muldoon, who, seeing his friends eating something, wanted some of it. He was supplied and pronounced the ar- ticle very fine, and next came Nibbsey, Wash, Mr. Burns the poet, Major Buster, Edward Geoghegan and Rufus Jackson, the colored cook. They all had sweet teeth and that bottle suffered considerably by their inroads. ““Faix, seeing that yez all like it so much,” said Muldoon, “I think I betther buy a barrel av it when the mon comes around, but I hope he’s not such a talker as the otherwan,beheavens!” | | | Presently a mysterious-looking individ- ual in a slouched hat, dirty shirt and rusty- looking suit, came_in, walked up to the desk, andremarked: “Sh! Iam a detective! Paix, av yez had said ye wora tramp, I might have believed ye2, ‘said Muldoon. 2 our nameis Muldoon? SIt-iss- : x “You are the proprietor of this hotel? ** Vez have guessed rightly. . ““Have you bought any sugaring com- panne of a glib-talking man within alf an our ?” ‘Are yez the salesman for the same ?” asked Muldoon. sot d “Tf you have not bought any, don't do it,” said the shabby man, mysteriously. “* Ha! I will let you into a secret. Be *T know wot it is,” cried Nibbsey. “‘ You owe der barber a quarter.” “The proprietor and inventor of that Sugaring compound is a crank, an escaped lunatic, a man who has registered a vow to kill all the hotel-keepers in New York. He claims to have been beggared by them, and this is his meee ra Muldoon began to feel very nervous, and to finger te ottle of sugaring compound ve ingerly. : The looked as if he had eaten something that did not quite agree with him, Nibbse gan toturn blue around the gills an white under the eyes, and the Hon. Mr. rowler’s mustache drooped perceptibly. *Phwat’s the modus operandi, to spake MULDOON’S HOTEL, - in French, avy the man’s mithods?” asked Muldoon. . **He goes around purporting to be the inventor of a patent sugaring compound, which hesells to the different hotel keepers. This compound looks and tastes like sugar, but is in reality a—Ha, ha! Ho, ho!.What have you in that bottie?’ The gang began to show signs of general disintegration. The detective snatched the bottle from Muldoon’s hand and held it up. Ev. ‘*‘Brown’s Mudless Sugaring Compound,” it said on the outside label. The disciple of Old King Brady tore off ae pe wrapper and revealed a big white abel. Any one could see what was on this at the distance of halfa block, ~~ A big black skull and two shin bones crossed below it, and the word POISON in apoplectic letters, running slap across the label. ‘‘Ha, ha! It is even as I thought,” cried the detective. ‘‘Gentlemen, have any of you eaten out of this bottle? Ha,ha! I am Slungshot, the deteckative. I never sleep or take a bath. Isee that you have. Gentlemen, you are all poisoned ! “Oh, murther! and I haven’t got an me green suspenders! To think ay dying wid red wans an, the hated British colors, be heavens !” ee. ‘© Oh, glory! and I ie a bill av tin dollars this morning; how I wish I hadn't. Pee rest of the gang did not say any- In * 2 7 N ipbsey executed a few dance steps an sat down in a big stone spittoon, looking very sad and weary. : Rufus began to look for his razor and to turn coffee-colored, while Wash lay down on the floor and kicked. wee The -Honorable Mike put his watch, chain, seals, rings, pin and revolver in the safe and called for a big horn of whisky., “If I gotter die I may as well go toglory happy, e remarked. j . r. Burns began to recite poetry, the major went off and curled up in a chair Edward Geoghegan opened a window, an in the meantime the detective departed. You never saw a sicker looking -gang than that one. They wailed, they moaned, they howled, they twisted about and they looked very miserable. ; . “Sind for a docthor,” said Muldoon, rushing to the telephone. ‘‘No matther av yez all die, I must be saved.” ae ‘“Go get stomach-pumps for ten,” said Edward Geoghegan sadly. Mr. Growler was filling up on fire-water at the bar, and was beginning to feel happy. ‘<¥ don’t care if I are a-going ter die,” he remarked. “I'll bea reg lar masher when I climb der golden stairs, with a ten-dollar breath on me and me pockets full o’ sand. Whoop! who cares fur dis here weary world anyhow? Whoop! gimme t’ree more fin- gers ob der same, Charlie.” ‘Be heavens, a man that can get dhrunk whin he’s going to die wud ixpect polite- ness av a polisman.” In the midst of the misery, down came Mrs. Dan Muldoon. : ‘What's all this row about?” she de- manded in her sourest accents. : ** We've all been pisoned !” said Dan. “Terry did it. There’s the bottle. = The lady grabbed the bottle, looked at it, smelled of it, tasted one of the cubes, threw one on the fire and thensnorted: “You're alla pack of fools. That's no more poison than I’m poison. It's sugar, and any fool ought to know it. It’s better sugar than you ever had in your house, though, you old gorilla, and I don’t wonder you thought you were poisoned. It is needless to add that all hands got well after that and that there was no more seen of the sugar agent orthe detective or the expected salesman. : Mike had the fun of getting full without dying, as he had expected, and_no one could blow him up for it afterwards. - Nibbsey had to serub the office floor, nC We tens he considered that adding ins o injury. : E It was Roger who had put up the job, and the sugar man and the detective was a friend of his, gotten up for the occa- * Muldoon did not know that the young chain, exten 23 fellow had put up the snap, however, until three or four days afterwards, when Roger happened to drop a poison label out of his pocket, — ; **So it wor ye, be heavens, phwat put u that job an uz, wor ib?’ Siattigwat Mul- doon. ‘*Faix, I might have knownit. It worjlooky for ye, me chappie, that I didn’t find it before; av 1had yez wud have had no spindin’ money this month.” One pleasant day soon after this, Mul- doon, dressed in his most stunning style, started out for a walk. He had not gone very far, when a man, arrayed even more gorgeously than himself, stopped in front of him and held out his hand. It was more like a paw, being big and hairy, but covered with rings, among which were several pare sparilere e The fellow was a walking jewelry shop, in fact, for he had rings on every finger, wore a monstrous double-ender gold watch ding straight across his plaid waist-coat, his cuff-buttons were as big as dominoes, and a regular lighthouse dia- mond gleamed in his red scarf. He wore a high white hat, fancy gaiters to his shoes, and carried a regular club of a stick. | You could see that he was a tough, buta tough of the better sort, although you could never make anything else out of him. ** Hallo, Mul, old man, how are yer, any- how?’ he asked. ‘“‘ Where yer n so long? I hain’t seen aoe in a dog’s age. How is tings? Come and take a geyser!” *“Yez have me at an advantage, me friend,” said Muldoon. ‘‘I do not appear to be able to place ye in the category ay me acquaintances,” . ** What! Yerdon’t know me? Mebby yer ain’t Terrence Muldoon ?” *“ Oh, yis, I don’t deny thot. I am Ter- rence Muldoon, be heavens, and I’m proud of it, but that fact trows no light on the subject av vee own identity, me mon.” “What! Yer don’t know der feller what heeled fur yer when yer was runnin’ fur Alderman? Don’t yer remember der boy what set °em up when yer went to Europe and gave pe der bully send off when yer come *“Tt strikes me very. forcibly that there wor siveral av thim,” said Muldoon, mus- ingly. e And yer hain’t furgot der man what worked fur yer when yer was ‘lected Sena- tor? Don’t tell me yer have furgot yer old 1 of der east side.’ . ** Yer face do seem familiar to me neow that I luck at ye again,” remarked Mul- doon, “‘ but yer name has gon’ from me mimory entoirely, so it have. ** Ah go on,” snorted the tough. ‘‘ Why, when yer was down on yer luck, over on der west side, I got yer on der force. Don’t yer remember? ‘+ :u and me was old pals, Mul. Yer can’t forget that, kin yer?” . “Tt’s not Mulcahey‘’ asked Muldoon, trying to remember the u.an’s name, whose face he now began dimly to recall. **No, it ain’t.” ** Nor Casey, isit?’ ** Ah go on, you know it well enough,” was the answer. **Oh, let me see now, is it—is it—it’s not Brannigan.” ** Ah, whai’s der matter wid yer anyhow, Mul?” retorted the other in disgust. “‘ Yer know me if yer only think a minnit. Who was it that nominated yer at der primary?’ ** Oh, yis, be heavens, I have it now, it’s Murty Whalen.” — SSA eet ae *“Well, o course it is andif yer’d tort yer'd ha’ knowed it fust off. Yer a doin’ well wid a hotel yer are got, I hear?” “Oh, yis, [ve nothing to complain about. Are ye in politics, still, Murty?’ *“T'm in anyting dat’s got any money in it, see?” answered Whalen. “I ain’t hang in* back when dere’s any rocks ter be made. Where yer goin’, Mul? Havea BPIAe ?” “a5 Do yez meana dhrink? Well, I don’t min Now that Muldoon recognized an old ac- quaintance he did not mind being sociable, but he was shy of strangers. Suddenly the heeler paused, took Mul- eee by the top button of his coat, and said: ** Say, Mul, I've got suthin’ funny for yer. - It seems easy, but it ain’t. You get stuck ©
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26 You couldn’t hear more than half of this speech, however, on account of the noise. “Come an,” said Muldoon. “It’s a put up job. Wen shake him an the next ae ner.” The quartette made adively break, fol- lowed by the band, playing “Johnny G et Your Gun.” On the next corner Mr. Burns and the walking delegate deserted the gang and fied in PDOs directions. Muldoon looked around, the band still playing, and said to Mike: “Well stick together, won't we?” ‘*Betcher life,” said Mike. Then they started for an elevated rail- road station, there being one quite handy. As they climbed the steps, Muldoon said to Mike: We’ ve got rid ay thim at last, be heavy Muldoon thought he had, but here was where he made a mistake. That band had been hired by Roger to follow Muldoon, the leader had been aie five dollars for doing the same, an meant to earn his money The Dutchman climbed the steps behind Muldoon and Mike, paid in their little nickels like men, and took seats in the Same car with Muldoon and Mike. Our friends did not notice them at first, but it was not long before they did. Hardly had the train got under way, be- fore those Dutchman began to play again, and right in the car, too ** Be heavens, we're haunted!” cried Mul- doon. “I didn’t go undher anny laddher to-day, Mike.” The brakeman came in, went up to the leader, and said; “Hey, yer can’t play in this car, don’t yer know it nee I could play once. Didn’t you heard me A a Wel I say yer can’t, see, and that set- esi OTE panies you vas a liaronce. I could blay, off I couldn’t you wouldn’t heard some moosic, ain’t it? ““ Well, yer can’t play, I tell yer,” per- sisted the guard who knew noth ing about moods and tenses. “* Off you don’t wanted me to play once, vues was better speak to dot mans, he was The Taner indicated Muldoon, and went on SE ane: e brakeman went up to Muldoon and said in that polite manner so common among elevated railroad employees : *“*Saay ! if yer don’t telldat band o’ yours to stop playin’ 3 hae ‘ll get chucked off der train, see, and don’t yer forget it. What. do yer take this road fur, a circus ?” “Go on, ye chicken-witted idjut,” re- ices eh Tee **The band don’t belong to m ae Der Dutchman says it does.” ** He’s a liar, it doesn’t.” Away went the Be evar and by that time a station was ed and he had to tend to business. = Fifty: third! Step lively! Passengers off first sa Came on,” whispered Muldoon. ‘ We'll Dai off the rear ind av the car, and the utchman will be taken on.” He and Mike slipped awa Prmobeerved as they supposed. The Dutc man was up to snuff, however, and saw them. Hardly had Muldoon and Mike gone half a block from the station when they heard the familiar strains of that same old band, play ing “ Do not forget me.” *“Dey’re onto us, Mul,” said Mike, ** we'd better take a street car back to der hotel.” “Ts this wan av yer jokes, Mike?” asked Muldoon, suspiciously. *“ Wishermaydie if it is, Mul,” returned Mr. Growler, earnestly. “Do yez think the kin’ diligate or the insane asylum pote ait if up on us?’ . “No, coursenot. It was just as bad for dem as for us.” “Well, somebody did. Let’s skip. Here's a hack—they can't getin ee be heavens.” They both jumped into the hack, and Muldoon gave the order to = driven to the hotel at full speed. “We've distanced them, so we have,” muttered Terry when he and Mike dis- missed the cab and flew into the hotel. Yes, they had—in their minds. So a ieee | = | | MULDOONS HOTEL. Scarcely five minutes EARS a band was heard playing in front of the place. The tune was: “Call me back again.” pe ldoor: glared savagely out at the win- tt was that same old little German band. PART XXVI. 272ES, that persistent band was out- \E= side and playing for all it was 7 worth. It was not a melodious band, its only purpose apparently being to make as much noise as possible. Its members did not seem to care a whit about time or quantity of harmony, each one going it alone and such trifles as being a bar or two in front or behind the leader not troubling them in the least. The leader played a very loud and ver brassy cornet, and you could hear him at all events and he carried the tune along, but the others seemed to play what and when they liked, without any reference to him in the least. You could not properly call the sounds thus produced by the name of music, they © were discords pure and simple. If noise be music, then the sounds made by that congregation of Dutchmen, laid clean over the song of the morning stars, the music of shes Deseo or the finest sym- phony. ever ayeteD aye was in earnest, however, and nlaeat with a devotion worthy of a better cause The reason for that was just this: Roger, in Sa that collection of solo- ists, had told the leader and his fellow malefactors that Muldoon was very fond of music, ene he did not like to say so, and if they followed him up persistent- ly enough, and played long enue he would give them nl a big bo That was enough to fire TS hearts of those Dutchmen, they being: naturally per- ee andi on the ma ore had told them Sie Muldoon had lived, and they had also kept the cab in sight: so as not to miss the solid man or let him get away from them. Now they were playing as if their lives depended upon it, ON, changing to the tune of “Should Auld Acquaintance be Forgot.’ This, as you may know, is taken rather slowly an eS, and that’s the way the leader took it. The double bass took it fast and belched out his notes in staccato time, the B flat or A flat, or some other flat uraszed it, and the clarionet sometimes played fast~ and sometimes slow, accordingly as the spirit inoved him, or his wind gave out. Muldoon did not stay at that window vee long, you may be sure. e rushed down-stairs, banged open the doorand sailed out uponthose Dutchmen. “TI tould yez I didn’t want yez follyin’ me, be heavens, and won’thave it. Goan away from here, or Ill call the polis and have yez all incarcerated. Begorrah, yez wud wake the dead wid yer n’ise.” The band suddenly stopped, but only to resume operations in a moment with “ God save the Queen.’ It did not matter a cent to Muldoon that the Yankees had stolen that tune and re- christened it *‘ America,” calling it the Na- tional hymn; he knew it only as the Brit- ish anthem, and hated it as muchas the prince of darkness hates to go to church. The frenzy of a roaring, tearing wild bull at havingan auction flag waved in his face was as nothing compared to Muldoon’s é when that tune was started. erushed back into the house and ¢aid : “Mike, do yez hear that dom English tune that they're playin’? If ye’re a mon and a true Irish atriot, yer blood will boil over at that insult.” Mike, Dan, Nibbsey, Mr. Bruns and Ed- ward Geoghegan res pond nobly to the call of theirleaderandhero. ‘* Rufus also joined the gang, thinkin that the tune was Irish and Wash followe because Rufus went in. Nibbsey got out the hose, Burns produced his great poem, Dan found a club, Muldoon picked up an ax, Mike hauled out a big six shooter and the others picked up what nepRenes to be nearest to hand. Part Hi. It was the ater that did the business, however. The leader got soaked in the face, the double bass had his big tooter filled up to the muzzle and the other fellows received their first wasn in months. The Honorable Mike flourished his big guns but did not shoot, Muldoon waved his ee about in great style, thereby greatly en- ange the lives of his friends, and Dan gare y paralyzed Wash with his’ club, for- tunately hitting the coon on the head in- _ Stead of on the shins. It was the stream of water directed by “the bell boy, however, that routed the enem In three shakes the musicians had fed, likewise the crowd which they had drawn to the hotel. *“Hooray! we licked ’em!” cried the red- headed youth, ashe began to retrace his as e forgot all about the hose now, how- ever. Consequently, Rufus Jackson gotashower bath that knocked him clean off his feet. Muldoon’s hat was sent flying by the i and the Honorable Mr. Growler, of Ney received a bucketful of water right in hig expansive and kalsomined shirt bosom. Hould on, ye robber, mind where yez be goin’ wid that hose,” yelled Muldoon. “Turn it off, put it down, luck out what yez be doin’ ye red-headed monkey.” *“Oh Gee! I soaked old whiskers and knocked off de boss’s dicer,” chuckled Nibb- sey, turning off the water from the nozzle and dropping the hose. Then the ded retreated to the office, Nibbsey handed in the hose, shut the wat- er off, wiped his anus on his checked jumper, danced a jig and began to warble. * Oh, she’s my daisy, she’s my dandy, She’s awfully putty, she isso very handy; J met her in the evening down by the brook And next Sunday afternoon me and my pretty Louise is agoin’ to get married, you can bet yer——”’ *“Hould on, hould on! Sure, I think that’s a little worse than the music the Dutch band gave us,” howled Muldoon. “Turn the hose on yerself, ye young imp, and give us a rest.” “Ah, youse fellies are all jealous o” me, dat’s what’s de matter, boss,” said Nibbsey as he faded away. “The abrupt manner in which that coterie of discord- cera departed from this vicinity strongly reminds me of a de- scription in my great poem,” said Mr. Burns. He thereupon, without further prelude, parley, preamble, apology, explanation or excuse whatsoever, recited the same. ** Down the rocks ran Glorianna hurrying Scurryivg, helter skelter, headlong in her Haste precipitate, jumping, gliding, tumDling, Falling, scrambling, genuflecting and Now hustling, like some huge and mighty Bowlder rolling down the rocks black And dark frowning, 80 went Glorianna.”’ ** Faith Tm glad she’s fallen off thim rocks at last,” muttered Muldoon, with a sigh of relief. ‘Reckon she saw a mouse or a bug or maybe a spider,” remarked Michael Grow- ler. ‘Dat would send a woman hustling quicker’n anything I ever seen.’ SNE gna it was nothing so worldly, soearthy as that which caused the maiden’s aste,” said Burns. ‘“‘Let me recite the passages which follow, and you will see the reason of her mad flight down the rocks.” ‘“No, yez don’t,” interrupted Muldoon. “T allowed yez to finish the other verse, but I'll be par'lyzed av I'll let yez inflict anny more avitonus. Gorecite yer pomes to an aujence ay dummies. It won’t hurt a and they'll make no disparaging re- 8.’ ‘ ‘Dat kind o’ potry_ goes fust class wid der kind o’ music der Dutch band has been ivin’ us,” observed the lily of Nevada. “Set it to is kind o’ music and geta lot of crazy pooper Stee sing it and yerll make yer fortune “Bah! you Hare no soul for real poetry,” replied ie solemn visaged poet, as he took himself away.- “‘T wondher what med the ban d play for for us anyhow?’ asked Muldoon, wi Baty look upon his Miltonian nae ** Have anny av yez seen Roger, the day?”
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Parteeli= * Ain’t seen him since grub time,” said Mr. Growler. EY. of mashin peOUnc: where, I suppose, or takin’ in a matinee.” “Av I thot it wor him that hired that collection ay lunatics to make a disturb- ance forninst the house,” said Muldoon, “I'd break his jaw, av he is Mrs. Muldoon’s own son, be heavens.” However, when Roger at last appeared, he gave nothing away and Muldoon was no wiser than before. shy One evening, a few days later, the whole ang was seated in the office, the night ing cool with a drizzling rain outside. There was a goodly representation from the Emerald Isle, and there wasn’t a man =_ ol —_—— + mu, a>, HY AN ei) We, y Mi Mi a | VY / ii Y \. ‘ i Hi Hh | Wy \ } ' if iffy ; Vp ty Vy | / mis SSS He was mauled all over the place. Chinaman. there who had not come from over the water. Muldoon was smoking, Dan and Edward Geoghegan were playing a quiet game of forty-five, Mr. Growler was reading a paper with his feet on the fender, the poet was laying checkers with Mulcahey who had pped in to spend the evening, Nibbse was reading the life of ‘‘ Jim-Dandy Ned, the terror of the Suwanee River, or the, Trail of Blood and the Avenger’s Oath, being deeply interested therein, and Teddy Doyle, a neighbor from across the way, was playing solitaire with a greasy pack of cards while waiting for Nibbsey to finish his novel. It was a scene of calm contentment to be presently rudely broken in upon an changed to one of discord, war and -strife. Mr. Growler was the first-one to break the silence. He took his feet off the fender, threw the paper down, got up in great wrath and re- marked in his characteristic explosive style: : Well, I'm a bald-headed old Quakery chump, I am and I don’t mind being kicked all over der town, but that’s more'’n I kin Stand,” ———— oy ao. IM || MULDOON’S HOTEL. ‘*Phwat is?” asked Muldoon blowing out a cloud of smoke. ‘*Dat ting in der paper. It might be all right from white men, but I'll be blamed if I kin stand it from dem pig-tailed, moon- eyed; rat-eating, sons o' washtubs.” ‘“To whom do yez refer be that terrum,. Mr. Growler.” ‘* Ah, them Chinamen, 0’ coorse. Who would I mean. I aint down on furriners like some folks, but Id fire every blamed Chinaman out of der country, dat’s wotI’d do, if dey axed me.” *“Yis, they do be monopolizin’ the laun- dhry business and they have their eye on the chestnut thrade, and they niver go to church,” said Muldoon, ‘‘but they can’t — 27 — =< ‘“*Phwat is it, Terry,” asked Dan, looking up. . “*Yis, go an an’ tell us,” urged Edward Geoghegan. *““ Read it, Muldoon,” Burns. **Go onan’ read it, boss,” said Nibbsey, sticking his novel in his pocket. “‘ Dem ducks can’t read.” ** Muldoon put on his gold-rimmed eye- lasses, stood under the light and read as ollows: ** A special from Tacoma, states that at Guzzler’s Gulch, a settlement some fifteen miles to the east, an Irishman named Mac Pelt was lately tied to a tree by fifteen Chinamen, who then pelted him with suggested Mr. i l ( Ae teetert : HULU 1 { iii | HiTe* | fet ett BU er eee MT val : Hil = WLS Ul AN T x ERNE : : J Ay = ’ : ee att SSS Se SASS ea earls it3 + = = <<: Se : : - aie = — roi : ; : = Sos = y a — j ; = eS he = = * =: — f ’ i ae vo Z = —— ——= P / ’ 2 —.-- 2233 = — = ii == = V3 Hy ty ae watt: = BF ON Pa —- = ere ae , fa { R Be eS a = : —— % oe . A ee ; Ui) ots Ly, } ‘ eA ty \ | CS) ~ LPLE IL Hy Eh - . : HN) = - Vg th / i] \ Wy ‘ af, ‘, eg ee hak V4 ig ae Hy: = =: -, . | i} r ATi - a i » . ’ ¥ a ‘ ‘ ‘ iP iG Y bd ‘ Y Se A , ; ‘ ry ( =. - ; Ye ee" | lssy,¢ : 7 a Ad} Ls —= 4 \ : 44} Ss F; a ‘ O ifm ica , , — . C254 Set a ; TAR may = VI “i ‘ te 4 Vie ‘ 7 . ¥ i a ——— HIF i \ we ¢ {} | oy a Li4 Hf lo y I} : . /, ) ae , a “ - = “ Be) See ) vote, be heavens, and New York is still puronely democratic.” ‘T don’t care if dey do take all der wash- ing business,” snorted Mike, “‘and I don’t care how dey vote, but when ney goes to running the Irish, dem yaller-faced heathens abusing a Tipperary man an’ a good citizen, dat’s what makes me mad.” *“Who’s been abusin’ the stone throw- er?” demanded Muldoon. ‘Sure, a Tipper- ary mon can down a Chinayser ivery tolme.” rege 3A **So he can, but fifteen or twenty is big odds, and when yer have yer hands tied, ain’t it? We don’t want der Chinaman here anyhow. Italians is bad enough, but Chi- nesers is wuss.” ‘“ Where do it say that fifteen or twenty Chinaysers licked wan Irishman?” asked Muldoon, picking up the paper. : ‘Right dere in front where der big let- ters is,” muttered Mike. Muldoon read afew lines and then he jumped up, danced a hornpipe, shook his fist and cried : ‘Oh, the vilyans! Oh, the robbers! Wor there iver such an outrage? Oh, glory, av I'd a been there wanst! The Chinase must zo, be heavens, after that.’ It NT cE RS UURTTAA ULAR iS i fi (en INN iL \ 3 \ : : . vi . | —————— ~ hy j i fii ss | AHH Mt ‘ Ht | } alli il uf {itt There wasn’t one of that gang that did not do something to that unfortunate ‘* We'll get our revenge this time, byes.” | ‘stones, clubbed him with sticks, cut off one side of his whiskers, shaved his head and painted it green, made him say Irishmen were no good and then compelled him up- on threats of death to kiss all their feet.” ** Be heavens, did yez ever hear av such an outrage?’ sputtered Muldoon, dashing the paper to the floor. | “It tuck fifteen av them to do it, soit did,” muttered Dan. ; ** And they had to tie him to a tree, then,” growled Edward Geoghegan. ** Ah, thim Chinese is no good,” snorted Muleahey. ‘“ The Irish ought to hang every wan of thim.” ** They're runnin’ dacint min out av the country, so they are.” ** Tarrin’ and featherin’ is what the hay- thens want.” ** Begob, let me see a Chinaser come in- to this place,” muttered Muldoon. “It would be worth his life, be heavens.” Just then the door opened. Muldoon’s dream was realized. The new comer was a Chinaman. His lucky star was eclipsed when he thought of coming into the hotel. It so happened that the Major not satis- fied with the way his clothes were done up
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in the hotel,.had sent for a Chinaman to come and get them. The real reason was, that he thought Muldoon charged too much, though such was not the case. It was an evil day for that Mongolian who was sent for by Major Buster and would be marked in his calendar ever after- wards witha Epic of crepe. He waddled in, a basket on his arm, a broad-brimmed felt hat on his head, felt shoes on his feet and an innocent look on his insipid, saffron colored mug. **Mecome fetchee Majee Bustee shirtee, collee, cuffee,” he chattered. ‘* Me washee, you givee.” Not more than half of what he said was understood. *“A Chinayser, be heavens!” said Mul- doon. ‘‘Lock the dure, Mike! “We'll get SERED: on him for what thim fifteen did to that wan poor Mick.” **Soak der snoozerin der kisser and send him home on a wash-board.” : = Wait till I turn de hose on de pigtail, 988!" 7 Mr. Growler turned the key in the lock and then putitin his pocket. | **Yername is mud, yer snoozer,” he re- marked,‘ and wese fellers is dead onto yer.” Muldoon rolled up his sleeves, threw away his cuffs and looked wicked. Mr. Burns, the poet, buttoned up his coat, put on his hatand spat on his hands. Mulcahey threw out his quid, took his coat off and remarked that he always killed Chinamen on Friday, and that the time had come. 2 All these preparations boded no good for that Chinaman. He tumbled to that fact and tried to slope. “Me makee stakee, me wantee nexee housee!” he chi ‘ “Vis, ye do, yez want it bad,” said Mul- . doon, ** but we want ye forst.” There was no mistaking the Solid Man’s pi pemons as he advanced upon that Celes- ial. “No hurtee Chinaman; me gettee out,” said John. ‘* Vis, ye will—whin we've got troo wid ez.” , “Tet meget at him, boss!” cried Nibb- sey. grabbing up an -stand. Smash! The missile went over John’s head and broke in pieces on the wall beyond. This was the signal for the attack, how- ever. Muldoon punched the heathen in the nose to in with. Mike kicked the basket out of his hands and tore it into bits. ; Dan got hold of his pig-tail and monkey- ed with it in fine style. ; Edward Geoghegan tore his blouse from top to bottom. Mr. Burns blacked both his eyes in true sledge-hammer style. Mulcahey caused the vital fluid to rush from his nose in a flood. . Nibbsey pelted him with lumps of coal, hitting the mark every time. | Teddy Doyle kicked him in the shins, are ; his queue, and did a war-dance on eet. The whole They pull rote hey stood him on his head and turned his clothes inside out. They emptied the spittoons down his neck and put one on his head. He was kicked, punched and mauled all over the place. ; There wasn’t one of that gang that did not do something to that unfortunate Chinaman. = : ‘We'll get our revenge this time, byes.” **Soak the snoozer!” ** Pull his pigtail out!” ** Cut it off annyhow!” “* Slug him in the neck !” * Kill him!" The poor Chinaman begged and pleaded to but it was no use. He tried to retaliate on his tormentors, but they were too many for him. Both eyes blacked, his nose bleeding, his lip cut, his cheeks scratched, his clothes in . , his shoes a wreck, his queue denuded of half its length and the rest nearly pulled g went for him, in fact. him around the room by his elled, screamed, allowed to go, : MULDOON’S HOTEL. out by the roots, he did indeed present a sorry looking spectacle. Those Micks had got square on him with a& vengeance. He would remember that day with bit- ter bewailings for so long as he lived. The only reason that those mad Irish- men did not kill him was because they probably thought thata Chinaman was not worth hanging for. Finally they all fell upon him at once, and a terrible melee ensued. You could not tell tother from which in the confusion. All hands fell upon the floor, and Wun Ee was nearly smothered. ‘“Take yer boot out aw me mout, ye snoozer!” cried Dan. _ Then the Micks disentangled themselves and got up off the floor. That gave the heathen a breathing spell for a moment. He grabbed it quick and put it to the best possible use. He made a mad dash for that front door without any unnecessary delay. ; Crash! Smash! Through the plese he went in a jiffy, like a cannon ball through cheese. *‘ Well, he’s gon’ at last,” said Muldoon, wiping the sweat from his reeéking head “but we had plinty av fun wid him, an the wrongs av ould Ireland have been avinged, be heavens.” PART XXVILI. ULDOON had forgotten one thing. His friends had amused them- : selves with that Chinaman to ; their hearts’ content. The latter had only escaped at last by jumping slam bang through a glass door. never occurred to Muldoon that the Celestial might harbor thoughts of re- venge. . That he might try to get even did not enter into his calculations. Neither he nor the rest imagined fora second that Gin Sling, Wun Lung, or what- ever his barbarous name was, might re- turn. : ‘Let anny more fifteen Chinees thry to lick wan Irishman after this,” muttered uldoon, as he swabbed off his forehead. Then he lighted a fresh cigar,resumed his seat by the fire, and puffed away as be- ore. The furniture was straightened out, things putin order, and the former scene of peace and contentment was repro- uced. It did not last for more than fifteen min- utes, however. > That Chinaman was red hot for revenge. When he finally got away, he hurried to find his friends. To them he told the story of his wrongs, and cried for retribution. They answered him in choice, tea-chest Mongolian that he should have it. **Wung bung ptsky wow wow bing ching pststt ane said one. “We will wipe up the floor with the flannel mouth,” it meant. **Golong, oolong hyson pison ollagowal- lazimjohnsonbejabers,” said another. That was an awful threat, and all the monkey-faced heathens groaned. ‘*Let us go and walk on their collar but- tons,” was what it signified. “Gum bung, chewing gum, horse car, no okES no shirtee, bustalung, chtz skpz fft ang! That one was simply blood-curdling in its malevolent intensity and vituperative vehemence. : “Trishman no d, got moss on his pene sell vote for gin, let us chew his ear Offs You can imagine that those wash tub jugglers meant strictly business when they talked like that. | There were twenty or more of them and ee sallied forth, bent on blood. Monk Eye, Sow Krot, Two Lung, Jim Dandy, No Gow and Gin Sling marched in the van. Then came Whis Kee, Blan Dee, Ho Kee Po Kee, Big Bum and Sin Sing. - There were more of them, but I haven't the time to spell out their names and you could not pronounce them if I did. Part II. They were all bad men and were down on Micks, sure enough. Wun Lung knew the way back to the ho- tel, and thither he led them in a body. The paused when they reached the place and jabbered together fora few seconds like a lot of monkeys. Then the fun began. First a shower of stones struck the of- fice floor, shattering half the windows. Another shower followed in hot succes sion, and there wasn’t a single, solitary in- dividual pane of glass left on that floor. *“Phwat’s that?” cried Muldoon, jump- ing to his feet in a hurry. : thers of the crowd made the same re- mark, ** It’s a hail storm,” said Mike, who was the phenomenal liar as well as boaster of the crowd. ‘I’ve seen ’em in der West where der stones was as big as yer head.” In another moment he and all the gang found out what the matter was. In rushed that horde of barbarians, with blood in their eye. They were led by the feller with whom Muldoon and his coterie had had so much **Killee Llishman, makee him stiffee,” he sung out. Aa: Punchee snoot, blackee eye, givee him ay eds *Cleanee whole placee lout, killee allee ish.” ‘**Hi-ya, Chinee badee man,-callee lazee inee bootee.” ; : ‘“ Whoopee! bustee*housee uppee, so be pletty Klick!” . aie those heathens sailed in and got to work. Every picture on the wall was thrown down, busted and rent asunder. The telephone box was just smashed into smithereens before you could say “hallo” once. The counter was made into kindling wood before you could speak of it. The desk was broken open, the books torn to bits and thrown into the fire in ttvo shakes. There wasn’t a chair that stood on more than one leg when that gang of Chinese marauders got through. The only thing they could not destroy was the safe. ; They made that look very sick, however, and dumped it over on its side. Every single globe in the place was knocked silly, and the fixtures twisted all out of shape. The window shades were pulled down and torn to tatters, the heathens using the rollers as clubs. The rugs were chucked into the street to become the prey of wandering Italians. The cuspidores were hurled about the room and finally went sailing through the paneless windows. There was not a thing that you could mention that wasn’t knocked into a cock- ed hat or chucked away. : The coal scuttles were jammed flat, the POSE twisted into the semblance of a fish ook, and the shovel bent double. Even the carpet was ripped up in places, and the red hot coals from the tire hustled out upon the oil-cloth. All this time Muldoon and his gang were having lots of fun, of course. Certainly, but it was funnier to the Chinamen than it was to the Micks. Muldoon had his coat, vest and shirt rip- ped off his back to begin with. Then he lost one-half of his lovely slug- gers and got a crack in the eye that made it seem as if a mule had toyed with it. Dan got a contused nose,a black eye and a whack alongside the ear that ca him to think one-halfof his head was gone. As for the Honorable Mike, those China- men walked all over him. ~ They took away his pop, singed off his beautiful shoe-brush mustache, collared all his blazers, and tore his velvet smoking jacket to shreds. 5 Mulcahey was Seco regretful that he had dropped in on Muldoon that even- res the heathens finished with him. e€-was nearly scalped, his coat was ripped up the back, his striped trousers fluttered about like streamers from a mast, and one eye was in the deepest mourn- ing. Edward Geoghegan and Mr. Burns did ye ee De had eh nt thn
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Part IT. not crowd. Burns looked as if he had been running through gas pipes, and Edward Geoghegan en led a tramp more than anything else. Nibbsey fought like a red-headed tiger, but it did not do him or the rest of the crowd any good. His blue jumper was torn to shoe-strings, he lost his only suspender, those heathens pulled out his lovely red hair in handfuls, and his mouth was as big as three. Teddy Doyle got off with a black eye, a loosened tooth and a bloody nose, not to mention that he had no pants to go home in There was the biggest noise you ever heard all this time, of course. The Chinamen were yelling like lunatics, the others were shouting, and the women up-stairs were screaming. , They only came as far as the top of the first flight, but that was enough. Washand Rufus remained down-stairs in the’ basement, considering that the safest place for them by all odds. Well, the place was a wreck, and every one of those Irishmen in a similar condition. ; Then the Chinamen concluded it was time ‘0 Zo. ey were just a trifle too late, however. You don’t suppose that all that racket cod gos without attract ing attention, oO you | | ertainly not, and the police got wind of the row in short order. = First two coppers saw the fuss, but they knew that they could do nothing. They hurried. away, and got more men, and, just as the invaders were thinking of going home, they raided the place. There was a dozen of them, and each had a good, long, tough nightstick, as well as a revolver. Those cops gathered in the whole crowd in short order. Half a dozen Chinamen did manage to escape, but the rest were collared. The same thing sep bened to Muldoan, Mike, Mulcahey and the rest. Explanations were of no avail, and the whole gang was lugged off to the station- ouse. . Nibbsey and Teddy Doyle had to go as well as the rest, and Mr. Burns’ declara- tion that he was a poet had not the slight- est weight. The whole gang and the greater part of the Chinamen were taken away and clapped into cells to remain over night. © _ Roger was out of town visiting a chum in Boston, and so knew nothing of the racket. _“ They put me in a cell, be heavens, just » like anny common thief,” growled Mul- doon, “‘and I wor only defindin’ me own properthy. Sure, the polis have no discre- tion these days at all. Begorry, when I lived down town we had manny a row wore than this and not a worrud wor Said.” ‘““Tt’s the last time that iver I'll go to See ye ay an avenin’, Muldoon,” said Mul- cahey from an adjoining cell. “Yez al- ways did bring me bad luck.” *“ Wait till I see der judge,” declared the Honorable Mike; ‘I'll make him give dem Chinamen ten years all around.” ** Paix, they orter get a hundred, and afther that be sint up for life!’ added Dan. ‘Hey, boss!” sang out Nibbsey, as good- natured as ever; “dey haven't given me room enough to do my song and dance in here but I kin sing it if yer like.” “Shut up there, you fellows, and dont wake everybody in the neighborhood ! pros a copper, coming down the al- ey ‘ **T say, me mon, let me out of this! It’s an outrage, so it is! I’m Terry Muldoon, and yez have no right to lock me up. “Shut up, or I'll report you.” “Tl not shut up! I can give bail, and I ere to see the captain or the ser- geant.” : The man went away without a word, and Muldoon called after him in vain. Presently two more appeared, anc one of me — fell t to shut or “Say, you fellers wan shut up, “eat 4 six months and a hundred dol- ars, . . “Tecan give bail,” snorted Muldoon, “and t any better than the rest of the MULDOON’S HOTEL. I demand the rights ay a free born natheral- ized American citizen.” -““There ain’t any one here to take bail now, and you'll have to wait till morning.” That’s just what they did have to do, the whole gang of them. There was no sleep to be had, and nobody wanted to sing except Nibbsey, and they would not let him. Mr. Burns, the poet, felt too sad and all broken up to give any extracts from his great poem, and they were spared that much, to say the least. In the morning they were all greeted with a surprise. This was no less than being all hustled into the Black Maria and carted off to the Fifty-seventh street police court. Muldoon greatly resented this last indig- nity, and swore to have the captain and sergeant both bounced if they permitted it. at did not do any good, however, and in he was hustled. “T’m ‘Terrence Muldoon, ex-alderman, ex-senator, and great American traveler,” he protested, ‘‘and I'll let every newspaper in ft ew York know how I’ve been treated, be heavens.” ‘‘Shut up, you big gawk, you ain’t Mul- ~ raed Es y doon,” an e door was closed upon the solidman. — - He certainly did not look like himself, and no one was to be blamed for not know- ing him. é The whole crowd went away in the cor- poration coach and were dumped out at Teenie. court. hen the case came up, the Chinamen all began talking at once and at the top of their voices. ‘It’s a lie, whatever they're saying!” yell- ed Muldoon, jumping upon his feet. Up also sprang Mr. Growler, D Ed- ward Geoghegan, Mr. Burns and all the rest. . They all talked as loud and as fast as they could, and the din was- something frightful. ‘Silence !” yelled the court, hammering eG desk with his gavel till it split in a ° The Chinamen continued to jabber and Muldoon kept up the argument until the court remarked : ‘See here, McGinty, if you dont shut up I'll give you six months on the Island.” For a moment Muldoon was speechless with indignation. Then his wrath broke out in a torrent and there was no restraining him. ; ‘‘“Me name is not McGinty,” he cried ‘‘it’s Terrence Muldoon, and I kape a hotel and-all the city knows me, from Sandy Hook to Harlem. Them Chinaysers came into me place lasht night and claned it out, and I want yez to give them all a year apiece.” é ‘We'll hear what the Chinamen have to say first, your honor,” interposed a lawyer. ‘This man is accused of an aggravated as- sault on a Chinaman, and his place is con- sidered a nuisance by the whole neighbor- ““Ye’re a liar!” promptly replied Mul- doon. ‘Me hotil is a most respictable place, and ivery wan will tell yez the same.” : ‘“ Silence!” said the judge, ‘‘ or I will fine you ci contempt of court. Let Two Lung Ss a ght Fhe original Chinaman got up, winked the other eye, one being closed, and said: ‘Me go hotel lassee night, getee washee for Majee Bussee. Boss man him lockee door, liars all punchee me, hitee me, kickee me, give me blazee and tlow me outee windee. Me go getee glang, golight stlaight back and cleanee out whole lacee. y “Ten dollars,” said the judge. “You had no business to take the law into your own hands like that.” “You givee me ten dollee?” asked the heathen, with a smile. ‘No, you give me ten dollars or go to jail for ten days, you and the whole gang. ** Me gibee you fivee dollee, me no lich, me * man. | : ss Well, we'll make it five, but if you come up here again you'll get a month on the Island.” | - ** All lite, me givee you fivee dollee you lettee me go. * Yes, You are discharged.” + | | 29 The Chinamen were led away and Mul- doon opened his eyes. | “Is that all yez give em?” he gasped. - “Yes. You had no business to pitch p pon one Chinaman like that, eight or ten of you.” *T had not, hey?’ snorted Muldoon. “What about fifteen Chinayse out West © settin’ upon wan poor Irishman, trowiu,’ stones at him, tying him toa tree, shaving his head and paintin’ it green? Begob, when I read that I wor mad enough to kill twinty av the haythins, and justthin wan av the smiling, yaller-jawed gawks came into me hotil, into the front door too, the — ould stuff, as av the cellar wasn’t good enough for um, and thin I wint for him.” ib here did fifteen Chinamen abuse one Irishman? “Out West. Iread itin the paper last night.” “That story.is alla hoax and is denied this morning. Some wag of a reporter got itup. May day was the tirst of April. “It’s nothin’ tomeavit was. Yez have 2 no right to let thim haythins go for five : dollars’ fine. They’ve med a wreck av me hotel offis and av the polis had not arrived when they did the whole place wud be burned down.” — ‘“‘T consider you the aggressor, Mr. Mul- — doon, and I shall have to impose ah Piste pases Dp a heavy Then Muldoon and all the rest got after the court. 2 They stood on chairs, on tables, on the railing and on each other, and talked them- selves hoarse. > The whole gang allspoke at once and the noise was deafening. ‘**Thirty days all around !” thundered the judge. ** Next case.” That rather sobered Muldoon’s crowd and they kept pretty quiet. **It’s thirty dollars yez mean, yer Honor,” said Muldoon. ‘It wud be worth yer sit- tiwation to give aman av me importance thirty days, and I think yez had better—" They all began talking at once again and ‘making a terrible noise. “Shut up!” howled the court, “or Ill make it six months. Thirty dollars all around. Take them away.” The sentence was afterwards reduced to ten dollars all around, and Muldoon had to Pee it. | here were eight of them in all and that little racket cost him eighty dollars besides costs, which raised it up to over a hundred. ** It’s an outrage, be heavens, and I hope that jidge’ll never be reapp’inted,” said Mul- doon when he paid his money over. “‘I wish now I'd killed the Chinaman, begorry.” It was a sorry looking gang that went back to the hotel and a fine looking place the latter was when they got there. “The divil take the Chinase annyhow,” wled Muldoon when he entered. “It’s all their fault. Look at the pee now. Paix, itll take five hundherd dollars to put it inordheragain. Me trade isruined and thim yaller divils got away wid five dollar fines. Mike Growler, ye’re an ass for iver showin’ me that paper. Ill niver take if again av it wor the only wan in New York.” . Then Muldoon went off, had a bath and breakfast and went to bed, the place being closed for the day. - ““Av it had been Roger that had did nes he observed, “‘Td have murdered im. ““ Av Roger had been here the thing wu niver have happened, retorted Mrs. Mul- doon.‘‘ The bye wud niver have let yez make such a fool ay yersilf.” ‘‘Begob, I think yez are right, Bedalia,” said Muldoon, “‘ andI’m sorry that the bye was out av the house.” PART XXVIII. oLL the glory of Muldoon’s Hotel > had departed. ‘Tt had seen its brightest days and was now in its decline. That last racket was too much for it. That was not all, however, that induced Muldoon to come to a certain resolution. In the afternoon, being rested and re- freshed, he went into the bar, the office be- ing occupied by glaziers, paper hangers, etcetera. . 3 : ——s you don’t know that yester- —
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MULDOONS HOTEL. Part IT. There he found Mike, Dan, Mr. Burns TEASE pulling yer leg ivery wanst in a ex and Edward Geoghegan. **J want tin dollars from aich ay yez,” he remarked. “Where wud I get iin dollars, Terry?’ asked Dan, ““whin I have no money but what yez gives me.” ““ Yer can’t get any outo’ me, Mul,” BS said Mr. Growler. “*‘ All I are got is tied - up in railroad bonds and stocks. I ain’t got no money, I ain't.” I'd oblige ye in a minute, Muldoon,” re- marked Edward Geoghegan, “‘ but there’s been a strike in the union and I had to pay me assessments.” ““Poets never have any money,” added Ww , ** Ah, go on, Mul; me and you is good friends, Mul,” said Mike. . “* Well, we may be, but yez had betther look for another sitiwation, me friend.” *““What’s that fur? Are yer goin’ ter fire me?’ **No, not exactly, but I’m goin’ to give up the hotel.” “* Youiain’t, are yer?” ‘* Yes,” and Muldoon walked away. ‘He had not really made up his mind to do so yet, but it did not need much to strengthen his half-formed resolution. That evening halfofhis best people came appearance, but Muldoon did not feel as much at home in it as he had formerly done, and he spent most of the time in hi own room, Then Rufus left, of his own accord, and not on account of any fight he had had with Muldoon. ***Scuse me, sah,” he said, when giving notice to Muldoon, “but de summah time am comin’ an’ I allus goes up to Sa’toga fo’ de summah, Mistah Muldoon, an’ I’d like to leabe. Ef yo’ wan’ me I'll stay, or I kin come back to yo’ fo’ de wintah.” *“Yez can go, Misther Jackson,” said Muldoon. ‘“ on’t think Tll kape the hotel open anny longer. I only did it to have something to occupy me mind.” ; ih Ta ea ie HATCHED SME gt te rit HP | peenat Fat Herel ay eit h TAA it SS | i Hi inetd did i it rina | a Ht il } ‘ , i 4 jf , 4g siithel wet Te tf 4 Be ite) \ Se ey ’ ith i we .¢ SVPLR eee et AS > 7s upetit, =. tee . 7 tet the ** gaan Gaeta Eras SS ee Wi is AP va _ 4 4 4! ; »~ “| HI KN 4 ‘3 Tee . t st Ob ee iit! ~ 7 - \ ‘al Zz = 7 = j a j j 4 » eZ a ee. \ aan) ut g = ; om ivf cS f-—- .. vot z = 2 UAH /, vy Yh eae Lup yy tem 5 ° sow ae seg tie, er hee. N 0 ee hoe moss FI UES Oa. ae, > i Sette gam eee ae S oe ioe b i —— pee a Ae . Ss. 7 A ’ — ee 2 , oe r “ — yy ZS AMY y WW a | * et > ' ‘sThirty days all around!” Rufus promised to stay until the last moment, however, and Muldoon was not bothered with having to find a new cook. When Roger came home from Boston he saw how the land lay, and said: “Give it up, pop. You don’t need to keep a hotel, and you've had all the fun out of itthat youcanexpect.”. ‘J think I'll do it,” said Muldoon. Two days later everybody went out and the hotel was closed. On the next day passers-by noticed a sad looking man standing by the reading-room window, looking out upon thestreet. _ He had his hands thrust deep down in his pockets and there was an air of deep dejection on his countenance. he man was Muldoon. All the furniture had been taken out and two big signs reading “ Hotel toLet” were pasted on the windows. : ‘‘ Vis, I won't be bothered wid the place anny more,” he said, ‘‘and yet I've had fun in it and it’s like losin’ an ould friend‘to let it go.” Raward Geoghegan and Mr. Burns pro- cured board down-town. Mike Growler and family hired a flat up in Harlem where the rents were cheap, and Dan and his wife