Five Cent Wide Awake Library (vol. 1) (1889 11 15)
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Eitered at the Post Office at Nee York, N. Ys. as Second Class Hauer. } crtees FRANK TOUSKY, Posrasaen. 84 2 86 Norra Moonx Srrecz. VN. Y. PRICK No 912. } COMPLICE RL : New Your, November 15, 1889, IssueD KyvEry WxpNKSsDAY. ‘5 CENTS.* Vol. J Butera according to Act of Congress, wn the year 1882, ov FRANK TOUSEY, sn the office of the Liprarsan of Congress, at Wasiington, D.C, I, Te Wi TOR, ay Pavan pan aay. it went towara the éthers ide of the block, which eee destined to bound his grea: rim: d away at the crank in a bewildered sort ot way, ‘and amid the shouts and jeers of the neighbor ang and a crash into another window on the same side with his own house. pee ESSE ras
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Y SBULGER BOOM! The subscription price for» Tak. Wipe AWAKE Library for the year 1889 will be $2.50 per yea; $1.25, = Se rey} FRANK TQUSEX, PUBLISHER, 84 and 36 North Moore Street, New York per, 6 months post paid. Address LAE OO I, THE By PETER PAN, | Author of «Sam; or,‘The Troublésome Foundling,” “The Funny Four,” CHAPTER 1 I First made the acquainiance of Mr. Bulger Boom in New York, some years ago. He was a character, in proof of which I shall» proceed ‘to’ give-a few sketches of his career. . It is said.that every man has a hobby, on’ which he rides with more or?less grace, but. Boom had numbertless ones. In fact, he was _ mo sooner thrown from one by some untoward circumstance, than he found and mounted an~ other. . Asa speculator, Boom never had an equal; and his enthusiasm was catching as fleas. He wag about fifty years of aged, spectacled, bald, eloquent, and passably good-looking. His wife was scarcely more than one-half his age, uncommonly handsome, and worshiped only one being—Bulger Boom. She most earnestly believed that he was the greatest man living; and, while secouding his _éftorts with an earnestness fully equal to his own, she looked up to him with a reverence that was akin fo awe. me They were almost always poor, but the stock of hope which they both continually had on hand was almost equal to a good-sized bank ac- count, : : Not only was Bulger Boom a speculator, but he was an inventor; and by the time he was forty years of age he had astonished the world more or less by taking out at least fitty patents for machines and contrivances. am At the time of making his last invention they ‘were living in a small, cheap suite of rooms, ‘and were most emphatically hard up in every respect. Several of his last inventions and ‘apeculations had miscarried badly, on account ‘of the unappreciation of the public, and things ‘woald have looked gloomy to anybody but Bul? ger Boom and his wife. © Although she was: pinched in every way that ‘wives the oftenest resent, Mrs. Boom never complained nor appeared to suspect, for a ‘moment that she would not eventually ride in “her own ¢arriage, with the Boom coat-of-arms. ' Boom had a little hall:‘bedroom that he used for a study, workshop, and a ‘‘thinkery,” as he termed it; and his wife regarded it as sacred ground, and seldom ventured beyond the thresh- old while her husband was at work there; and ‘when he was away on some great business enterprise, she would even drive out, the flies for fear they might disturb him while at his labor, or while wrestling with some great idea. : “Bulger must not be disturbed on any account,” she would say, ‘‘and even so little a “thing as a house-fly might light upon his dear nose just ata critical moment when he is devel-}- joping some world of it.’ £52) : : _ “Ah! Thaveit, Harriet—I have it!” exclaimed Boom, one day, rushing from his:‘‘thinkery.” “* Oh, Bulger, you don’t say)so!” said she, leaping up from her sewing-machine, and going toward him with delighted strides. ‘Yea, I have bit upon it at last.” i. * + What ts it; my dear?! * 5 grand idea, and thus deprive the if .One of the ot Harriet, shut up that sewing-machine!! No more menial service for you after this, my dear! No more fighting with poverty. Give the old machine to some poor woman, Harriet!” he said, with his accustomed enthusiasm. «Yes, my dear, but——”"~ * But what?” ‘«The shirts?” : ‘©Oh, hang the shirts! What! you, my wife, making shirts for’a living? Bah!” +“ But, my love——” te] ‘Throw thé shirts into the street, and give the machine to some poor worthy woman. You shall haye a carriage and servants, my dear.” 4‘Yes, I know it, Bulger, but we have no money or anything in the house for supper,” she said, most meekly and respectfully. ‘Oh, is hat so?’ mused Boom, scratching his bald pate thoughtfully. He had never thought of that! ‘Hadn't I better finish the shirts, Bulger?” ‘* Well, I—but, Harriet, remember that this is the last time that I will allow you to run a sewing-machine; remember that, Harriet. The idea that I have struck: this day will make us rich,” said he, vehemently. x3 Fenn “Yes, Bulger, I know it.” «« There is money in it, Harriet.” ‘Of course there is, Bulger.” +©Thousands, probably!" ~ = Yes, Bulger; but the shirts?” « Well, finish them up, just to show the world that we are not proud. But this is the last!” 075 “Yes, Bulger; and you have——” ‘CA great idea.” — ; «Yes, Bulger.” _. ‘Worth thousands!” “Yes, Bulger.” «Tn fact, thousands upon thousands!” ‘Yes, Bulger; but what-is it, may I ask?” she said, with great humility. — “Tt ig not for the weaker vessel to know just ‘yet; but be it always understood, my love, the weaker vessel shall.come in for her share of what is made from it. I furnish the brains— you shall share the profits, and they shall raise you from a sewing-machine to a social throne.” (Oh, I know it, Balger!” : ‘Yes, our momentary stress will perhaps compel you to finish the shirts, but when they are done, and the miserable pittance paid—after we have bridged over this little financial chasm, then give the machine to some poor, worthy woman who has no husband ef my caliber to proyide for her, and wish her well.” » “J will, Bulger. But, tell me, what of this sreat thought, this invention of yours?” “Harriet, you are the weaker vessel.” : *T know it, Bulger; but 3 “You shall know allin good time. Enough for you to know that I have struck an idea that | there is thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, in!” e Mhice “J always knew you would do it!” ‘Of coursel ‘The world knew it; the world “expected it! What else should it expect of me? Tt is a machine, Harriet,” he whispered. “Yes, Bulger.” .. beetyt : greatest eyer invented.” re _| Your children will yet rise ‘éJoe Junk the Whaler,” etc., ete. ‘* Of course.” “Simple of construction.” “Yes.” «Great of execution.” ‘‘ What else could the world expect?” «JT will form a stock company.” ee . Yes; but what a pity we could: not take al the stock ourselves, Bulger,”. © ; “Yes; but that is’ looking at it in a selfish | point of view. My object in life is to make the ‘world better and wiser. Beyond a certain few “who join.my.stock company, the world at large. shall be the general gainers by what i have this day thought out,” said he, earnestly. ‘« Qh, you always were so noble!” : “T cannot help it. It is my nuture, a8 you. well know, Harriet. But go on with your poor old sewing-machine, my dear, and in a: few days you shall ride past your present em- ployer’s in your own carriage, and smile at those who oppress you now. Iwill go right away and have a model made,” said he, seizing his hat and rushing from the room. ; ; Mrs. Boom held up her hands in reverence, while her pretty blue eyes looked toward the bad ceiling for a few moments after he had gone. ie ; “T knew it! I always knew it! I always knew that he would discover something that would make us millionaires. What a great man he is! But I must finish these shirts,” she added, going again to her machine. > "As. yet, of course, she knew nothing about what the great invention was, but his word was all she required; a fortune had been made! With redoubled energy she went at that sew- ing-machine, and fairly made it buzz, as she at- | tacked those shirts (at fifty cents per dozen), and above the click and buzz of it her cheery — yoice could be heard, in a song of victory and thanksgiving. Meanwhile, her husband went to a sheet-iron: worker, and without the slightest trouble in-, duced him to make a working model of his new: invention, although it required his personal supervision to enable him to perfeet it. Tate But it took a whole week to complete it, and: even then, of course, he,yhad no money to pay. for it, and the mechanics seemed to be set against allowing him to take it away without at least some security. ees This, however, did not bother Boom jin the least; all he had to do was to talk to him a few. moments like this: . eh : ‘«My dear sir, I am astonished at your short- sightedness, actually astonished. Think of the money I shall make out of this invention!” , “But what I am thinking aboutis the money Iam to get out of it,” said the mechanic. «That’s it; I see it!” » vere ere “Well, want toseeittoo.” = “So you shall—go yeu shall, my dear sir, and I will show it to you,” and-he braced right up: to: him. {5 252 mapa ee eto ¥ “Much obliged,” said the mechanic, with a — little derisive Jaugh. : “Of course you are, and so you ugha be. up and. call me rams ae? | eerie”) Abremess BS neie pemaen ae SRC
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Blessed, for | am about to bestow'a forttine on “you.” * ; 6A what?” ‘ do more or less advertising. John Puddler, that was the mechanic’s name, evidently believed that. he had struck a big thing, for he not only. set himself earnestly to work to make a full-sized machine, buthe seemed to have caught some of Boom’s enthusiasm, and began to spread accordingly. In fact, Boom never allowed him to cool off for a moment. On tbe contrary, he kept-him at a red glow all the while he was constructing the machine, and when he carried it home and showed it to his wife, she alse went, wild, and worshiped her wonderful husband more than ever. “©Oh, Bulger—Bulger, what a brain you haye ; got!” she exclaimed, “reverently. Tho next day there appeared in the financial columa of the Herald the following: “A FortuNE FOR Firty Do“tars,—A won- derful invention, patent just applied for, Mil- lions of the patented:machine can be sold every year. A stock company about being formed. Fifty dollars per share. Those wishing to buy stock or form a stock company for the manu- facture and sale will please assemble ut the res- idence of the inventor, Wednesday, at 10 o’cloek, where a perfected mach: ne will be on exhibition. <OBs Booir, 1000 49th stteet’ N. Y,” Boom’s living-room was put in its best order for the reception of the visitors who were con- fidently expected to respond, and ‘sure enough, at the hour named in the advertisement, nearly a dozen men put in an appearance: Boom was on hand to receive them, and to show his wonderful invention. After all hac come that there was any likeli- hood of coming, Boom brought out his machine. se Gentlemen, * said he, ‘ this is the machine spoken of in the advertisement, aud which I call the cat-exterminator.” “ A cat-exterminator?” asked two or thrée. “Yes, and it is a most wonderful invention, gentlemen, ” said his wife, who had dressed her- self in her best and was looking decidedly in- teresting. “Tndeed!” they all said, and at once became much more deeply interested in the invention. Yes, gentlemen,” continued Boom, ‘the invention is a great one, ifI do say 80.” : ~ «How does it work?” ‘Gentlemen, I will explain the matter’ to you. * Th the first’ place, ‘let us‘consider the ob- y ; BULGER BOOM. ject Of this eontrivance. You will observe that in many Ways it resembles a cat}; one of those feline tormentors that hatint, our back-yards, making night hideous, and driying sleep from our pillows. AS & Cab- exterminator, it is made to decoy our tormettors, this crank, which winds up a spring thit gives action to the internal arrangements, , producing the counterfeit call of a cat in search of light by the action of a small bellows, until the challenged cat approaches and steps upon this little ‘platform, which instantly sets both claws and jaws a-going, thus:” and tak- ing a broom-handle, he pressed lightly upon the platform that he had pointed out, when out flew four or five pairs of shar ply-armed legs, the tail flew up and down, and the mouth open- ed and shut in a most’savage manner, Smash- ing the stick into tooth- “picks in a half of no time. His auditors were nner taken aback by this savage and unexpected exhibition, and gazed wonderingly at one another. “Txcellent!” cried Mr, Swellbump, ene of the Speculdvors present. “Prodigious!” chimed in Mr. Puddlespoon, another. ‘«* Wonderful!” chipped in Mr. Gump, a man with a little money, seeking a great, inyest- ment. «Hnormous!” speculator. “Gentlemen,” said Boom proudly, “imagine for an instant what. would-be the fate of a cat coming within the reach of those active claws!” “Gracious, yes!” sighed Swellbump. | ‘Now, then, by an ingenious and simple con- trivance this decoy cat Sets. itself again and is ready for another customer.” “Great!” ‘«Hnormous!” “Wonderful!” Excellent!” they all chimed again, as the cat exterminator began to ‘*mew” ® once more. “«Now, then, gentlemen, let. usienter into statistics a little.» Let us take the city of New York, for, instance. Here we have atleast a million of inhabitants, and probably two hun- dred and fifty thousand families. Each family owns at least one) cat; to say nothing of the many thousand vagrant) cats that are forever on the prowl—sort of feline tramps—and ready to engage in a fight wherever one is offered. This cat exterminator will just suit that sort of a feling, as it will our afflicted fellow-citizens.” “Ha-hal Certainly!” they allsaid. . _ ** Now, then, to business.’ | These machines ean be made and retailed for five dollars apiece, and leave us a clear: profit of three dollars. At that price at least a quarter of a million of the exterminators canbe sold in New York city alone, and here we have a profit of seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Multiply this by all the cities in the Union; by all the cities in the world! for every. city in the world is cursed by cats, and then ‘picture to yourself the enormous business that is before us)” “Great!” “Wonderful!” “Enormous!” *“Prodigious!” by the auditors again, while Mrs. Boom went into raptures over the apparent success of her gifted husband, and they seemed to join her, “There is great money in it!” said Boom. “Yes-—yes, certainly!” they all said, and they appeared to mean it, too. “Great money; but, gentlemen, T have only touched upon one feature of this enterprise.” This taused them all to open their eyes again. “ee@he cats! Theit’ mangled remains! Hush! Soap-grease!” said he, with dramatic effect, Ah!” by everybody, excitedly. “Yes, soap-grease! Now, these feline scraps can be gathered up by the owners of the exter- minator, and sold for enough in a week’s time to pay for the machine (which, of course, . will be a strong point for the salesman to make), or we can sell the machines, or give them to our customers with the understanding that we are to have the ‘feline scraps, which we could, of course, Sls of ata erent profit. In fact, we said Mr. Mullhole, another For instance, I turn _ This is kept up | could start a soap-boiling establishment in con- © nection with our enormous manufacturing busi- ness, and in this way. become kings and rulers of the soap business for the world!” ; “‘G-racious!” exclaimed Puddlespoon, . and the others echoed his expression of amazement. ‘Why, there’s untold wealth in it,” suid, Mr. Puddler, turning from one to another. ; “ Better than a gold-mine!” they chorused. “This ‘only ‘shows you, gentlemen, “what great possibilities exist outside of whatis gen erally regarded a8 legitimate i iaassnt 6 4 »An exclamation of delighted assent, echoed all around the room. f «Now, then, that you have see’ the inven- tion and been shown the: golden possibilities, what is our next move?” ‘Wind him up once more,” said Gump, ‘‘Oertainly;” and Boom screwed’ the cat- Tete up to: the scratch’ again, while his de- lighted friends seer ete around to note its working. a The decoy cat at once began to hump itself; to open and shut its mouth: viciously; to’ sen out its defiant.<*mews,” and to act in! avery belligerent’ manner generally,’ eliciting » the strongest language of approbation, and be- having very much: like a: cde Dachayard gladiator. At that moment a Thomas cat belonging to some person living in the house came near enough’ to’ Boom’s open door'to hear the “music,” and instantly recognizing it as an in- vitation to. combat, rushed in with back erect, and tail enlarged. Instinctively ‘the spectators ‘drew: ‘back, and that belligerent Thomas approached nearer. There: was a short ‘talk back,” when the Ine truder sprang at the artful decoy with splutter- | ing belligerency. ute Tt worked! In an instant that. Thomas cat was caught ‘by the claws of the machine; and in less time than it takes to’ write it,’ the carpet was’ euenn with cat-hash, and Thomas was no more. The company looked on’ in amiizemént? _ Was there ever anything so perfect? Chance had crowned the ‘invention as 'a suc- cess, and in spite of the surprise and the ruined carpet, Boom was happy, and so was his wife; Every one of those ardent, seekers. after for- — tune were instantly convinced that, they had “struck it;” and in less than anshour the ar- rangements were all, completed: the money paid in, and a stock company formed for the mannlacture of Cht-extarminatare) under the title of: : THE GREAT JAshentokne ‘ObR meee trOn AND Soap-Far Company. V2 Of course, Boom was chosen pr: esident of the company, as well as’ its (reasurer, and at that first meeting he was intrusted with a thousand dollars wherewith to ¢ominence operations, looking toward an extensive manufacture of the machines, while’ Mr. Puddlespoon was given the business of “working” the newspapers, to Start the demand. ‘What did 1 tell you; Harriet?” exelalmed Boom, ‘the moment they were ‘left’ alone!’ ‘Oh, of course! and you know 1 believed th My said She, with a look - of worship in ‘ign. ‘ace, F “ Give away the old sewing-machitie now!” “Yes; I’ll give it to Mrs. Mulholland who lives on ‘the top floor,” said she, earnestly. ‘« Anybody, \so long. as ‘it: gets out of my sight, and the partner of my fortune does’ not have ‘to use it,’ : «Oh, you are such a gre eat man, Bulger!” ; Just then a stalwart shadow fell AbaWwanL the threshold of their door... It was Mrs. Mulholland. “ Where's me cat?” she demanded, savagely. «Your cat, madame?” asked Boom. ., “Yes, me cat! Patsy Grady says as how he came in here, an’ some bloody thing or other. tore him all inter smithereens. Is. that pour she demanded. ; ‘Tam sorry to say it: id madame. . The fact — is, I have a machine here, made for killing cats a sort of a decoy—and- the. door being open. while I was showing it to some. friends, your — cat came in and had a tussle with it, the result % iy
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so they were all made aware of her husband’s ah here to visit you now and then,” BULGER BOOM. of which you can see scattered about the floor.” e, “Bad luck ter yer ould machine!” exclaimed Mrs. Mulholland. ‘‘Phat business have yees ter kill my beautiful cat?” _ **Jt was his own fault, madame. I did not invite him in, He accepted the challenge which my decoy sent out and came in for a fight, but _ got the worst of it.” “Bad cess ter ye an’ yer machine! I’ve a moind ter knock ther stuflin’ out ay ye for it,” said she, approaching him with clenched fists. “No—no, Mrs. Mulholland; it was all an ac- cident,” said Mrs. Boom, going between them; ‘and if you will say no more about it, I will give you my sewing-machine.” “Ye will?” ‘Yes, I will.” “Tl do it.. Trot it out, or I'll make trouble ‘in yer family, so will!” exclaimed the Mulhol- land. : “ Here it is; take it right up-stairs with you.” “That I will, an’ yer'll niver get 1tag?in ’Lil yer pays me tin dollars for ther loss av me beautiful Thomas ‘cat;” and catching up the machine with the ease she would have raised .a chair, she started with 1t up-stairs to her room. Bulger’ Boom and his wife were once more | left to themselves, but as the comical side of the affair struck, him the hardest, he could not refrain from laughing. : ‘“Well Harriet; that settles the machine.” ‘« And your machine settled ‘her cat” _ {* Well, rather,” said he; laughing again. “But it has spoiled our carpet.” 5 ‘Never mind. » We wil) have Turkish ones in the future.' In fact, [think we had better give away all the old traps we have, for, of course, we will now have everything new. In fact, I think we had better go at once to the Fifth Avenue Hotel to board. What do'you say?” _ ‘* Anything that you say, Bulger.” _ “Yes, we will go.at once. I will go ouf and start this business, Meanwhile, you pack up what things we want to take away, and dis- tribute the temdinder among) our poor neigh- bors. We shall never want them again; we have outgrown them!” apy “Oh, Bulger, what an intellect. you have got!” “That’s all right, Harriet, but) I can’t help it;” and’ catching up’ the machine, he started from the h@ise to set in motion: the wheels which were to bear them onward to better fort- une, as both he and she irmly believed. The happiest woman in New York was Mrs. Bulger Boom, and he the happiest man. — She shared fully her husband’s enthusiasm and free-heartedness; and after selecting a few things belonging to each of them—things made valuable by associations, she called in her neigh- bors living in the same house, and distributed what there was left among them. Altogether they did not amount to much, but the various articles were very acceptable to the poor people, who found it about as much as they could do to maintain the struggle for bread and cheese, and, beer and kisses, without being able to do much in the line of interior furni- ture. : But of course the wonder was, and of course the wonder grew, what good fortune had en- abled the Booms to give away their possessions. - Mrs. Boom was a woman, and of course had not the heatt to keep the good news from them, and great invention. ce - Begob, I allus knowed ther, was money in cats,” Said Mrs, O’Bean, sighing deeply. ‘* An’ it’s roidin’ in yer own buggy I suppose. yer'll be afther this?’ suggested” Mrs. Mc- Swazey. ; ‘«An’ failin’ ter notice her loikes av us,” suggested Mrs. Sweeny. ; _ “No, my friends, I shall never fail to notice my old friends and neighbors, however high oe onan may raise me,” said Mrs. Boom, feel- ‘ingly. | teh ~ “Good for yez, Mrs. Boom!” “We are going par pow to board for awhile at the Fifth Avenue Hotel, but I shall return “Troth, an’ it’s good ay heart ye are, Mrs. Boom,” a sentiment which they all agreed to. But those who had received different articies as presents soon began to gather them up, and to remove them to their own apartments. The rooms were soon as bare as a last year’s bird’s- nest; and then Mrs. Boom called a carriage, and, with her trunks, was driven to the Fifth Avenue Hotel, leaving a few things remaining in her husband’s ‘‘thinkery,” to be taken away before the next month’s rent became due. ““Howly Moses! An’ all on account ay cats!” exclaimed Mrs. O’Trotter, as she beheld Mrs. Boom driving away. ; She met her husband in the hotel parlor that evening, and after reporting what she had done in carrying out his wishes, a suite of rooms Were at once engaged, and their baggage taken thereto. A decided chatige in their surround- ings. “Tt is all right, Harriet; I have got. things nicely a-working,” said he, after they had come up from the dining-room: ‘But, I say, my dear, id that your best dress?” he asked, whirling her around slowly as ‘he examined her wardrobe. “Yes, Bulger. Is it——” “Tt is not good enough. Go out to-morrow morning, and buy # fashionable silk dress, and afterwards have others made befitting your al- tered condition in life,” said he, emphatically. “Yes, Bulger, but——” ‘T will give you the ‘ wherewithal.’ I shal not need the money that has’ been paid in, forthe renown of that cat-exterminator has grown to such an extent that everybody is seeking: to in- vest in it. Harriet, our fortune is made, and you must dress in accordance with it.” “ “Oh, Bulger, you are so good tome! It really does not seem as though I was worthy of you,” said she, leokiag up to him tenderly. ' ‘Ah! you'll do, my dear—you'll da!” said he, and without waiting for her to reply, he’ pro- ceeded to give her an account of what-he had accomplished. ‘Yes; Puddler and I haye engaged a large manufactory, and he will advertise for extra workmen to-morrow, and at once commence to manufacture the exterminators on a Jarge scale, while the advertisements and deserip- tions of the thing which will be run through the papers will arouse a long suffering people and have them all on edge to purchase them as fast as they ureiturned out. There is no doubt but that.we shall clear at least a million dollars the first year.” “Oh, Bulger, what a genius, what an intel- lect you haye got!” said she, with wifely enthu- siasm. And it really did seem as though Boom had at least bobbed up serenely and caught on handsomely to the car of fortune. CHAPTER II. A WEEK passed on, during which the com- pany that had been formed to manufacture Bulger Boom’s great invention, under the com- pany name of ‘‘The Great American Cat Ex- terminator and Soap Fat Company,” pushed things ahead at a rapid rate, and several dozen of the machines were turned out and got ready for'the supposed impatient public. : Boom was happy. His handsome wife was now richly and fashionably dressed, and their quarters at the Fifth Avenue Hotel weie quite as good as the best in the land could ask, Meanwhile, Mr. Paddlespoon had shown his genius for the position to which he had been fppointed, and the papers teemed with ac- counts, both serious and humorous, of the won- derful things expected of Boom’s great inyen- tion, and at the same time there was a panic in the soap market. : The larger and more wide-awake manufac- turers took warning, and began to work up a counter-blast by way of showing up, through the papers and pretended interviews with chemists, the terribly evil effects which would be sure to follow from the using of soap made from the fat of cats. ' All this, however, only served to make the excitement greater and to advertise the great cat-exterminator far and wide. 3 ; ? Finally, when a few dozen of the maehbines were finished, a store on Broadway was taken and announcements made that the sales of the great invention would commence, Naturally enough, there was a great rush to see this wonderful contrivance, and Bulger Boom was on hand to show custymers how the thing worked. But those who went in+to see the invention constituted only a fraction of the crowd’ that gathered in front of the store to watch the workmen who were adjusting a huge sign, read- ing thus: ‘*THE GREAT AMERICAN G@AT-EXTERMINATOR AND Soap-Fat Company.” And many were the laughs which this unique sign occasioned, until finally the crowd became so dense that the police were obliged to charge upon it and clear the'streets. This, of course, forced a great many: people into the store, which soon became so crowded that it: was with considerable difficulty that Boom and his men contrived to show off the ex- terminators properly. . But Boom was right up on the bit, and was pulling hard with the tide, which seemed to be setting in his. fayor, He never was more eloquent, and his elo- quence was never rewarded more promptly, for in less thun two hours the entire stock of ma- chines, were disposed of, leaving only one asa sample, and on the strength of that he sold two dozen more before night, agreeing to furnish them the next day. The ‘‘company ” was elated fully as much as its president’ was, and visions of unbounded wealth floated through their hair after the re- sults of the first day’s experiments. Boom embraced his wife on his return to the hotel that evening, at the same’ time assuring her that she could do aboutvas she liked regard- ing dresses and jewelry, as there could possibly be no mistake regarding the auriferous future. ‘Oh, Bulger, it doesn’t seem as though Tam worthy of you!” said she, reverently. ‘« Nonsense! my dear; the wife of Bulger Boom is worthy of all honor,” he replied, proudly. ; : “You are so great and grand!” “Never mind; there is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken’at its flood, leads on to for- tune. Weare now upon that tide, Let us furl our sails, rest on our oars, and receive the golden shower that is falling upon us!” “Oh, Bulger, what & poet you are!” “To you think so, Harriet?” he asked, fondly. ‘« Yes—yes; had you turned your attention to literature, T am sure that you would have become as great as Longfellow, Holmes, or Whittier.” 3 ; ‘‘Well, maybe so, Harriet, but I have chosen to become a great inventor and speculator; so do not pine for the flowery that might have been, but do homage to the golden that is.” ‘¢ More poetry, Bulger. Everything you say is all poetry,” she said, lifting his spectacles and kissing him near his nose. ‘ Oh, how happy they were! The next day brought no diminution in the interest excited by the introduction of the ex- terminator, and at least two hundred of them were sold. The fortunate shareholders began to look around for good investments of money, and each one’of them had a brown-stone house in his eye that he had concluded to purchase for personal occupancy. Wine , Everything looked bulbously hopeful, The exterminators were selling even. faster than they could be manufactnred. But as yet nothing had been done in rela- tion to the cat-scraps—the soap-fat part of the business. Tt was thoucht, however, that it would be the | better way at first to give the exterminators a good introduction, and let the soap-fat business work up to the front gradually. i But there was a cloud arising on this beauti- ful, speculative horizen; a cloud about the size of a cat; a suspicious feline, so to speak. _ Those who had purchased the exterminators followed instructions. ; ; In a few instances with good ¢ffect, but when — Z
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BULGER BOOM... z Mrs. Lardedar, of Murray Hul, sent an indig- nant’ protest to a daily paper, stating that her husband had bought one of the exterminators and set it up in their back yard, and that her pair of beantiful poodles had gone for it under the mistaken idea that it was a genuine cat looking for fight, and’ had been clawed into hash, there came’a slower beat to the public pulse. Even this, However shight have created no general panic, but when, on the next morning, another account was published, giving the hor- rid and blood-curdling details of a tragedy in one of the most pleasant up-town homes, : where- in a little boy, aged about four years, had at- tempted to play with what he had supposed to be a ‘*pussy cat,” and had been suddenly dessicated, there ran a shudder through society that was ominous of a downfall in the popular i- ty of the exterminators. The soap-fat opposition saw theit opportu- nity, and went in double-leaded. The “papers teemed with real und manufact- ured accounts of the damage this infernal back- yard machine was doing, and at the ‘end of a week there was considerable laugh, but little or no call for the exterminators. In vain did Puddlespoon try to turn the cur- rent of public feelitig by hewspaper pufls; the thing Was unmistakably open to criticism: of the sever rest kind. But over and beyond this was the fact that it was open to ridicule, and those who did not laugh’ at the thing, made it out to be little less than an infernal, machine that should not be | tolerated in civilized society. The sales fell off to almost nothing a day, while the factory was turning out the machines’ at the rate of five hundred - every day, and of course the accumulation was enormous. Recourse was had to more extended advertis- ing, but all to no purpose. Every standing ‘‘ad” was a standing joke, but the backbone was going out of thet eat-killer at a frightful rate. Bulger Boom began to look serious. that: company whose head he was. A dozen different ways were tried ‘to convert public appreciation, but they all ended either in Jaughter or frowns: Finally a halt-was:called on the manufacture of the exterminators, and the stockholders got together. They got together for counsel and consolation. ..Counsel seemed weak in the case, and ‘as for consolation, there didn’t appear to be’ a’ source from which they could draw a spoonful. Dire and doleful failure appeared to be: all there was left'for the concern that had started out with such great expectations, although Boom made his case out so good that no fault could be found with him. It was simply a case of misfortune which no one could have foreseen; another case whercin the unappreciativeness of the public had wreck- -ed a hopeful-company. “The same thing over again!” True; Bulger Boom could not be held re- sponsible for the failure, but what-was to be done? The company was at least five thousand dollars'in debt, and there was: nothing with which to pay this debt except a large number a: i exterminators, which were wholly ‘unsal- able. Tt was a terrible blow to the company which had expected so much, but what was it to Bul- ger Boom? For about the thirtieth time his hopes had been dashed—been snatched bald-headed by untoward circumstances. : But the company demanded of him a full statement as to what had become of the money they had placed in his hands. It was a supreme moment for Boom, but his ingenuity and eloquence got him out of it, and convinced the shareholders in the great under- taking that he had employed the money most honestly, and that it was simply a freak of fort- une that had done them out of their contribu- tions. But Boom’s situation was not the most beau- tiful in the world; for after he had settled with So did the stockholders, who were as much deluded as he had been himself, he was’ obliged to meet his wife, and explain matters to her. ‘‘ Harriet,” he said, that evening, ‘have you ordered those dresses?” “Yes, Bulger, made just as you wished them,” “ Well—ah—those diamonds?” “They will be ready to-morrow, dear.” ‘« Ahem!” and he looked serious. “What do you mean, Bulger?” she asked, noting his solemn face. ‘Well, I guess you had better not call for, them,” “Better not?” ‘“No, my love; things have changed.” Changed” —How?? * Well.ihe ‘ Exterminator’ is a failure, said he, sadly, although he kuew very well that he could tell tier anything and have her believe it. “ Failure?’ she asked, eagerly. “Yes; the public find fault with it.” **Heaven! On what grounds, Bulger?” “ Well, simply because it has chawed up a few poodle dogs anda child or two.” “ What meanness! she exclaimed; although she was as tender-hearted as anybody, yet ina case where ler husband's | interests were at stake she could see no harm. ‘Certainly. The general public does not see the benefits I have conferred upon the. world; but that is,a fault of human nature, not mine.” ‘Certainly. Bulger, dear.” “The Soman irae ‘Ves?’ t “Has burst. ” “¢ Burst?” 4 star ht “Gone to pieces. _ One-sixteenth.of a cent on a dollar,” said he, sadly., ..* Goodness gracious! money?” ' ** Well, per haps a hundred dollars ait ‘ And my orders?” wht ‘Never mind them.” “ But—well, why not?” - Because we are going to take a ee 2 *¢ A’ what?” “This is the time for disappearing, my dear.” J ** Disappearing?” “Yes; but we will bob up: serenely. in the sweet by and by.” «You are in earnest, Bulger?” she faked’ as though it did: not seem possible, and that he was trying to surprise her. ** Alasliyes, dreadfully in earnest. We shall have to leave this hotel, simply because: of an uneducated, unappreciative public.. ButI have a hundred dollars, and: with that we can build another little nest, bask in the sunlight.” ‘Oh, Bulger!” she exclaimed. §§ What? “Yon are a poet under all eircumstances!” ‘Well, of course, I try to be. ways look on the bright. side’ of the picture, Harriet.” ‘Yes, you are right, Bulger! I understand the situation, Bulger. I will go out to-morrow and find rooms,” said she, wholly forgetful of te elegance she supposed to be in Store for er. “You are an angel, Harriet.” “TY only wise I was, that I might appear to be worthy of you! Bulger. It was not your fault; it was the fault of an unappreciative public. We will take rooms and start again, my dear, and [ know it will not be long before you strike some other grand idea that will place us on our feet again.” If ever there was a true wife, it was Mrs, Bulger’ Boom. The very next day she found apartments, and with a portion of the money secured from the wreck, she furnished them. And two days afterwards they left the aristocratic quarters in which they had lived for only a week, and went back to ordinary life again. ~ As forthe ‘‘ company,” those who were worth enough had to ‘brace up” and make food. for the disaster that had ERE ICS them. But And you have no | back room, and once more soar out to We must-al-. Do not. feel cast down,’ one and all appeared to be cured completely of his mania for Speculation. ‘A few dollars were realized out of the. stock on hand, for several of the’ machines were bought for curiosities, and this went to heal the wounds which Boom’s great inyention had made, and at the end of a month there was nothing left but a memory, a growl, and a general laugh. But at the end of that same month, what had’ become of Bulger Boom? Was he crushed? . Not entirely. In fact, not much, if any, His wife, however, ‘saw that something ofa practical nature had to be done, and go, “with- out consulting him (for she did not wish to hurt his feelings), she bought another sewing- machine on’ the installment plan, aud again took home a few dozen shirts to make, at ‘fifty cents a dozen, and while her husband proceeded to eyolye another great invention or idea of speculation, she proceeded merrily with her work, just as merrily as before she had given away her other machine at his command; her heart full of song and hope, and never for. a moment drooping or ceasing to believe that it_ would come out all right in a short time, and that her great-brained husband would not eventually ‘become a millionaire at Jeast. Noble Harriet Boom! ' k ‘ The apartments they had secured were in this instance a trifle better than those they liad oc-. | cupied prior to this last great speculation, be- ing the basement floor of an English basement house, with privilege of ‘tle baek yard, which was considerable. This had’ once’ ‘been a house of luxury, but. gradually ‘finding itself in an unfashionable neighborhood, it was now let out in floors and apartments, and had, of course, become seedy. Boom confined. his experiments mostly to the looking out upon the yard, and which he often used as a ‘‘thinkery.”” True it was that his’ last failure, ‘although, it “| was through no fault of his, domewhat ‘dampen-_ {ed his enthusiasm for a time, and made him somewhat more cautious, yet his, great intellect was still unbroken, ; He resolved for at least the fiftieth time to as- tonish the world with some great invention, only he would keep it more to ‘himself, until he had: perfected it, and which, ‘of course, would make any of his future triumplis all the greater. é But in what direction should he g’0?’ He worked that gigantic brain of ‘his for sev-— eral days without being able to decide, although he had made up his “mind that he would not worry his brain-pan with any ordinary contriv- ance. Something that was worthy of bim= this time, or nothing.’ After thinking through the realms of me- chanics and chemistry for something to fasten and grow upon, he reluctantly came to the con- clusion that everything had been gone over, and all the inventions made that the world cared anything about, and that there was nothing left for him to do. But whatif he could discover something new? What if he could evolve some new law, some new force hitherto unknown to seience? ~ This seemed to be a subiect worthy of his best cerebral discharges, and he at once con-. centrated them upon it, bringing all his knowl-_ edge and applications to bear upon it in his old way. True, he was restricted as to funds for his experiments, but to Bulger Boom this was only a trifle. He had quite a philosophical cabinet; and so with a trifling outlay, he was enabled to pro- — ceed with his experiments in quest of a new force in nature, that being the least he was de- - termined on now. . Meanwhile his patient, self-sacriticing, noble wife kept on with her known mechanical force. and tuning her song to the whirl and buzz of her sewing-machine, kept bread in their mouths and a roof over their heads. There was no speculation in her heart; there was only hope. Day after day did Boom| experiment, en- {couraged and pacified by the cheery yoice in the front room, which blended happily witb shuttle and wheel, until at last he felt ante be had ‘struck it” again, —
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BULGER BOOM. + Yes,” he mused, after a great number of ex- periments. ‘I have discovered a new force in machines. Steam is a puling infant compared with it, that I am positive of. In fact, that force is so great that my only trouble will bein getting material of sufficient strenzth to hold it in check and deal it out. Iwill get it patented at once, and then I shall be able to command sufficient capital to proceed. I will form a stock company for my great motor, and my name shall be handed down to the future gener- ations, and we shall revel in wealth.” And pausing a moment, the song of his wile and the click of the flying shuttle caught his ear, 4 : ; “Poor, patient darling! How devotedly and merrily she works along, little drearring, per- haps, that her days of toil are nearly over; that fortune shall soon again catch her up and bear her to that luxury which she so much de- Serves.” |’ ; 7 Then, unable to keep the entire truth to him- self, he walked into the room where she was at work, and surprised her with a kiss as he stole up behind, ; “Ah, my angel, it is about over,” said he. ‘« What is, Bulger?” she asked, smiling. “Your labor, my love. Ihave made i dis- covery now that will not only place us among the rich ones of earth, but give my name to posterity.” Oh, 1 knew you would, Bulger. What is it?” “I cannot tell you now, but I have discov- ered a new force in nature that is as much more powerful than steam as steam is more power- ful than a goat-mill; I have got at the principle, and now all I require is the means of develop- ing it as a practical motor.” : “How much will it cost, dear?” ‘‘Oh, probably I could demonstrate it with the outlay of one hundred dollars,” said he, carelessly. _He went, back to his experiments again; and putting on her wraps, she started from the house with the diamond ring he had given her during their late short term of prosperity, and in half an hour returned with one hundred dollars, which she most cheerfully placed in his hands. ; Boom caught her in bis. arms and called her an angel, swearing that she should have a ring on every finger, and on a few of her toes, if she wanted them, just.as soon as he realized on his new discovery; Just as soon as he got another stock company formed. This, of course, amply repaid her, and she re- turned to her work, while Boom went on with the developing of his discovery, happy, proud and confident regarding the future. ' In a day ortwo he got things into shape, and had swapped the better portion of that hun- dred dollars for all sorts of material. He certainly had hit upon a gas of some kind, | made from water, that was very energetic, whether it was a diseovery or not, and, of course, his imagination ran riot regarding its possibilities. ; But in‘ attempting to test its energy he got blown .np several times, and had to pay for every light of glass in the kitchen at least twice before he had got half through his experiments. So he concluded to transfer tuem to the back- yard, where there would be less danger.’ This worked well enough for a while, until the neighbors found out that strange doings were taking place there, and it was not long before he found himself continually watched by them, and that every window had one or more heads poked out of it. Nor was this the most annoying part of it, for the boys passed very uncomplimentary. re- -marks upon him, and asked him all sorts of comical and impertinent questions as to what the deuce he was doing, anyway, : Boom, however, kept his temper, and“ went on with his experiments, scorning to notice any of their remarks, or laugh at any of their jokes. His soul was above such people. During his experiments he discovered that this gas was quite “Never mind if it has; you can.make ans |
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BULGER BOOM. Other. Let us be happy that you have escaped injury.” ‘‘Yes; but the scientific men—the capitalists —they will be here in a few moments.” “Oh! we will make some excuse for post- poning the exhibition, Come in and wash the blood and dirt from your face.” He obeyed, in a dazed sort of a way, and as he withdrew from sight the heads began to ap- pear cautiously above the fence and at the win- dows again, looking scared and anxious, but without speaking a word. : Some of them, however, bore marks of the un- expected bouncing they had received, while those who looked out of the windows, all up and down the block, were anxiously asking what the Matter was, or warning people to keep away. Some wag shouted: ‘* Look out!” and instant- ly every head again disappeared from sight, and about a hundred windows were suddenly slammed shut. It was during this time that Boom appeared upon the scene once more, and began to look around upon the ruins of his discovery. Then the heads began slowly and cautiously to appear agatn at the windows and about the fence. Then. it was, also, that another wag fired a pistol and shouted: ‘« Low bridge!” Another sudden disappearance was in order, but somebody shouted ‘‘ police!” and the ery was taken up by fifty throats, and even greater excitement was kicked up than the explosion had occasioned, ai Bulger Boom looked up and around him. '+*¢Shut up, you fools! What’s the matter with you?” he asked, savagely. eee But while he stood thus, shaking his fist at the bellowers and trying to assuage the con- fusion, a policeman rushed into the house and made his way through to the back yard. “What is the trouble here?” he demanded. ‘Nothing at all,” said Boom. : But the moment the people caught sight of the officer they began to yell: ‘« Arrest him!” ‘ “Club him!” ~. Take him in!” ’ ‘Yes, he’s a very dangerous man; take him in!?’ ¢ ae a8 : ‘* He’e erazy!” ; ‘He's trying to kill the whole neighbor- _kood!” and a hundred other shouts came from the windows above and around them, 1 ‘* What have you beer doing?’ demanded the officer, looking around. ; ‘«T was simply trying an experiment with a newly-discovered gas, when the apparatus ex- ploded; that is all,” said Boom, Soothingly. «Yes, officer, that is all,” put in the anxious Mrs. Boom, who had followed him into the yard. . " “But was anybody hurt?” 4 ‘* Nobody but me,” said Boom, mournfully. ‘¢ Are you sure?” “ Certainly,” said Mrs. Boom, earnestly. « Anybody hurt?” the officer asked, address- ing those who were perched upon the fence. . “«Troth, I'm kilt, so I am,” said an Irish ser- vant-girl, who was looking over the fence and holding her hand over her eye. ‘« What happened you?” «Me eye’s biown out, so it is.” ‘(Let me see.” “TWaix, it war a glass wan that I give ten dollars for ter put where Michael Fogerty put out me good wan, when we had a scrimmage at the wake ay Biddy McCarthy,” said she. «Show it to me.” ‘Muix, I cannot.” “Why not?” : ‘Because I war lookin’ over the fence when his ould engine went off, an’ it knocked me over upon the ground below, an’ I Jost me eye, go I did.” ay? ; . But what business had she or any of them to be looking over into my back yard?” asked Boom, energetically. ane : ‘<That’s so. Anybody else hurt?” ‘Yaw, mynheer, I vos hafe mine stuffin’ knock me owit,” said a German neighbor. ~ _ ‘Well, where is it?” asked the officer. “‘T preaks me mine pack mit der kick of dot mushine, und I make me some gomplaints about dot puddy quick, I bade you,” said he. ‘«The same Case applies, officer,” said Boom. “Yes, that’s so. “What busiaess had you to be looking over his fence?” “I see me some more beobles looking ofer dot fence, und I dink dot vos all reighd, und I dake id in.” ‘‘ Well, you did take it in, didn’t you?” **T dinks me dot is so.” “All right. You duffers all goin and takea quiet tumble all to yourselves. If this'man’s landlord allows him to experiment in his back yard, you will have to stand from under or get hurt.” ; ‘“‘ But are we to have our lives jeopardized by this lunatic?’ asked the head of a neighbor, looking out from overhead. ‘Certainly not.” ««Then take him in, and I will prefer a charge against him,” said the man above. ‘* All right. Come right down here,” the offi- cer replied, seizing Boom. ‘“What are you going to do?” he demanded. ‘ake you in.” ‘But I have made no trouble. ple accident,” protested Boom. ‘Only an accident!” echoed his wife. «Well, I am/only a police officer, and if any citizen complains of another I'am bound to take him or her in. Understand?” ««But you really.do not intend te arrest me?” *«T do indeed.” ‘¢Ts it possible?” asked Mrs. Boom. ‘Watch me a moment and see,” said the officer, collaring poor Boom. © *‘ Duty is duty.” ‘*T protest!? i “But J insist!” ‘Run him!” ‘Bounce him!” «Snake him in!” “«@hurn him!” ‘*Snateh him!” and fully two dozen other compliments were hurled at the officer. a “‘Y’m here!” said: he, pulling Boom into the basement out of sight, at which there was a cheer that cou!d have been heard a, block away. In spite of all the protests that Boom and his It was a sim- wife could make, he was snaked out upon the: sidewalk were the officer waited for the appear- ance of the man who was to make the com- plaint. : But somehow or other he did not show up with the celerity that might have been expected, and while they were waiting’ five or six of the expected guests put in’ an appearance, among whom were at least three of the victims of Boom’s last speculation, the cat-exterminator. They tried to find out what the troutle was, but the crowd had by this time increased to such an extent that it was impossible, and while they were endeavoring to do so, the officer started for the station-house with his prisoner for the purpose of reporting thie affair and throw- ing the responsibility of holding him upen his superior. His wife hastily locked up their apartments and’ followed in the wake of the crowd. ' Her husband’s friends attempted to interview her on the meaning of the arrest, but she was so great- ly overcome by emotion that she could do little less than bemoan the misfortune. But at the station-house there was a better chance to get at the facts of the case. The officer who had inade the arrest gave his version of the affair, and then Bulger Boom gave his, supported by his wife: *T can’t hold this man unless some one makes a complaint against him,” said the cap- | tain. ‘Certainly not,” said Boom’s friends: ‘You may go, but if anybody makes: a complaint against you, you will be arrested again.” — “Thank you, captain—oh, thank you!” said Mrs. Boom, taking her husband’s arm and starting toward the door. f ne In going out they encountered his friends who had come to witness his triumph.: Be ‘Only an unforeseen accident,” said he. - ‘** And rather a serious one,” they suggested. ; ‘‘Not at all. ll haye it going again in ow week’s time.” Ss ‘«But it must be dangerous,” said» Mr. Pud- dlespoon. ‘* Guess I’ll postpone looking at the experiments until after somebody else has taken a look. Good-day;” and he turned away, fol- lowed by the others, the majority of whom were smiling. Boom and his wife started sadly home. ‘The unappreciative cowards!” said he. “Such men do not deserve to succeed. Let them go, Bulger. You can get along without them,” said she, with earnest sympathy. Boom made no reply.. Hope and eloquence were for the moment knocked completely out of him, and he did not know what to say. On reaching home they found that the ex- citement had not subsided, and that the back yard fences were still populated with the chil- dren aud curlous people of the neighborhood, aud the entire scene was not an inspiring one. Boom gathered up some of the wreck: and re-; moved it to a place of safety, and then he went back into the house, and lay down upon a lounge to rest and think. ; i Was it, after all, a failure, that wonderful dis- covery of his? j Oo} Did it really possess dangerous properties. which would prevent its being used? ._. Yes, it must beso. He had been rudely awakened to find the magnificent temple ke had erected only a basket full of smoke. It was too bad—too bad! For once in his life he felt. ‘*downed,’” and cou'd not tell what move to make next, while his poor wife remained silent and thoughtful, and gave her sewing-machine extra speed as she: rattled away at the skirts she was making, for! she knew. that there must be an income from some source, now that another of her husband’ great bubbles had exploded. And yet she did not lose heart nor hope. If he had failed in this great enterprise, he was. smart enough to get up another, and so she rattled away and had sorrow for nothing but for the great disappointment of her husband. Bulger Boom continued his thinking as he Jay there and fidgeted. uneasily. But he scarcely thought of the wounds he had received. He felt: too keenly and was too sorrowful to take heed of them. . A Evening and its frugal meal came along, Mrs. Boom being an angel all the while, both as pro- vider and cook. ; He ate it in silence, which she did not break. by any allusion to their sorrow, butif she spoke at all, it was cheerily and upon some other sub-. ject. Night came on with its shadows, but there were no cats in the back yard. As though by feline-instinct, they seemed to understand that danger lurked there, and they kept away. But no more than forty winks of sleep came to Bulger Boom’s eyes that night, and they did not cone to stay long, although towards morn- ing he lost himself, and was only aroused at about nine o’clock by the hum of his wife’s sew- ing machine and the cheery voice of its opera-' tor that blended withit. - He sat upon the side of his bed, and listewed. A flood of disagreeable thoughts came over him, and he almost wished that he hud never awakened. 5 « Angell” he murmured, as he proceeded to wash and dress himself. This, however, was not an agreeable thing to do, not so much so as usual, owing to the fact of his being sore and stiff from the effects. of the same explosion that had rendered him hopeless as well as penniless. ’ : But the winsome voice of his handsome and trusting wife, as she flew around to prepare their frugal. breakfast, soon broke his despond- ency, and made his heart beat more freely, as did the exercise of walking about. limber up his physical apparatus. : And yet she refrained from speaking of the sorrowful and unfortunate affair, further than to ask. after his wounds and thumps, ‘and as soon as the meal was over she kissed him, and returned to the front room to her work again. Then Boom smote his sore breast, and ealled: her ‘‘ Angel!” some. more, and swore with up- . Te
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a BU LGER BOOM. lifted hand that slie should yet ride‘ii her own carriage. After breakfast he went out to-walk anu ‘to think, But in this particular busivess he hud the advantage of most men; he only thought ahead, never backwards. Backwards might have made him crazy: looking ahead’ always made him hopeful and kindled his enthusiasm. An advertisement in a moruing paper caught his eye. Somebody in New. Jersey had discoy- ere:l a gold mine, ane advertised for een! ta work it. In an instant his mind was made ap, and, without loss of time, he answered'in person. The owner was a practical old fellow, seem- ingly, but lacked the faculty of persuasion and the gift of gab necessary to place his discovery before the world. Boom was just the man to do it; and he saw itent’a glance.’ In fact, Boom was the only man who “answered in person, and the man took a great fancy to him, as all men did, and before they had conversed half an hour, he offered him au interest in the mine, provided he would take it up and attract capitalists. This was Boom’s heftiest hold, ‘and agreeing to’ it, they visited the old fellow’s farm, where several specimens of gold-bearing quartz’ were shown him, together wilt ati assay of its value. Boom was' delighted, and ‘taking a pocketful of thé specimens, he promiged to pat the mine upon ' the ‘market at once, andvhave’a' gang of miners at worb before’ the‘ expiration ofa week, all of which the owner implicitl} believed. What a change in ten hours! “By night Boom was‘ just as ‘happy as hewas ‘before’ ‘the’ fatal explosion of his’ pet Monte and Wel as’ hope- false Gt Returning to’his anxious write, he tagdared to her like ‘an entirely ‘new being: Hope radi- ated from every feature, enthusiasm sparkled on his tongue, and the future was all beautiful once more: + She'saw at a glance that something had hap- | pened in his favor, and springing up from her SE Oe een | she threw her arms around his neck’ and’ Proceed led ‘to bite him: “TTarriet,” Said he,’ tapping his forehead and looking exceedinuly’ wise. oe Oh, I know it, Bulger, I know it. You have got everything there,” andishe proceeded to bite him again, ‘Down yesterday but up to-day, Harriet, Ne ‘Yes, Bulger. Adverse circumstances never can keep you udown. What is it, Bulger?” He took about ten pounds of quartz from his over@oat pockets, and handed the pieces to her without a word. Why, Bulger, it is gold!” » He nodded. “*Gold quartz.” Another nod. “Oh, Bulger, have you discovered a AL she psked, eagerly. ‘¢Yes,! Harriet, I have track it rich, as the miners say.’ «Oh, Bulger: what a great man you are! Where did’ you tind it?” “Out in New Jersey.” ‘A mine of gold.” ‘© A mine, not mine} but mine to develop, ” said he. “Oh, Bulger, I knew something good was going to happen to you. But, do you Know, Bulger, it almost makes me unliappy,”’ she added, turning away as she spoke. *«A)Jmost makes you unhappy! riet, what on earth do you mean?” “Tt does not seem ag though I was worthy of you, Bulger,” said she, sadly. ‘“ Nonsense, my dear. Don’t you ‘take life’s chances with me? Don’t you work from early morn until late at night to keep our poor old pot a-boiling? Who, then, more worthy than you to share my prosperity? Who, in short, more worthy to share the good things which fall to the lot of Bulger Boom than the wife of his bosom, who’ shares his poverty as well as his wealth?” he asked, with genuine enthusiasm. *Oh, you are so noble!” — : “+ And 80° T should be to be worthy of you, Harriet.” Why, Har- But you forget chap is all on your account; ! that you have the brain; that you are the great genius that produces everything, ‘But tell me about the mine you have found.” + { will,” and he told her all about it, for he never kept ‘anything from her. . ‘Oh, it is perfectly grand! But I must get those shirts done, or we can’t haye any supper,” she added, going to the machine again. “Mhere’s a wife for you,” he muséil, as the hum of the machine filled the room. ‘* But} my dear girl, you shall not keep the confounded old machine ‘much longer, for | am to have an in- terest in this mine, and estimating it at its low-) est yield, I shall be worth at least a million at the end of the first year. Think of that, Har- riet!” ‘Oh, Bulger!” “Never fear; you will soon beable to buy and,sell those who employ you now.”.. “Oh, Bulger, but I don’t want, to.” “ Neither do Ti but I was only telling you of the probabilities and possibilities of this mine.” ‘Yes, J understand,” and again she started her machine with redoubled speed. Bulger Boom threw himself into that mine with all his heart. He opened an office on Broadway and adver- tised its richness, and at the end of three days he had at least a dozen. men who. were anxious to visit the mine, assuring him. that they had thousands to, pnt into it if it was really as repre- sented. > : And if there was anything in the world that he was capable of, it was of convincing any number of men that the mine was even richer than ‘represented fo: be. The résult' was that hey disposed of the five thousand shares in less than a week, and had the money for them. The owner of the mine was delighted, ‘and they ‘whacked up”—and Boom was the pos- ‘sessor of nearly five thousand dollars for about a week’s work, with a prospect Of much more. But the old Jersey farmer who owned: the mine was obliged'to'go West on business, leay~ |! ing the’ entire business of opening up the mine to - Boom, and he went ati it just as he had gone ‘to work to’ sell ithe shares. - Miners were employed and set to work, while the most’ improved machinery was ordered to crush the quartz and extract the gold. The stockholders hovered about the mine to {hear the report of the miners, each one cou- fident that.a double-barreled fortune was only waiting to be dug out. The miners, worked away for a few hours, and.they then began to look at the quartz and laugh. They evidently saw. the ‘‘ p’int.” Several of the stockholders asked for informa-: tion regarding the cause of their mirth. “Yer payin’ us, aren't yer?” asked one of the men. “To be sure we are—why?” “Our little five dollars a day?” “ Certainly. Why do you ask? Do'you sus- pect that we are not good for it?” ‘«Oh, you ones may be good enough if ye’re fixed beliind this yer quartz.” «What do you mean?” demanded the stock- holders, in chorus. “If yer good, all right; but yer mine aren’t.” ‘* What is that you say? Jp” they all demanded. “But never mind; we’ll pick down ther whole mountain, if yer’Jl give us our five a day,” said one sturdy fellow, sending his pick up to. the handle into the rotten. stone, ‘‘ What do you mean?” «Oh, we mean business, if you ones does.” ‘But bow about this quartz? You said the mine wasn’t good for anything,” Oh, it’s a good ’nough mine.” tk Well, then, what are you tata about?” “‘Tt's a good ’pough mine, boss, only it aren't a gold mine.” * That knocks us out of a job,” growled the other miners among themselves. ‘Not a gold mine!” the speculator gasped.” ‘* Nary: time.” “What do you mean, in the name of good: ness?” “Salt!” replied the oe miner. Salt?” ‘A salt mine?” » That thar quartz yer had on show never come from here.” ‘ * Gracious goodness!” they all whispered. — ae Somebody’ 8 been thinkin’ as how you ones war too fresh, an’ so they salted yer.” ** What the deuce do you mean, anyhow?” “This yer’s a yaller mica ledge, an’ the chap as ‘sold it ter yer br ung that good quartz fr om somewhere else, an’ salted ther place with it.” Each of the speculators seized a piece of the quartz that had been thrown out and looked at it intently. Then they looked at each other. . There wasn’t a pleased expression among the whole lot of them. ‘ ge it possible?” one of them ventured to ask. ‘* Have we been swindled?” “Where is that sturdy old New Jersey farm- er?’ demanded one of them. “That thur warn’t no farmer,” suggested, a citizen of New Jersey, who stood 1 near. by, watching Operations, anxious to. find out if it was really a gold mine, as he owned an adjoin- ing farm that wasn’t ood for much else, and might probably be hiding gold, if this one did. “He wasn’t! What the dickens was he, then?” “Don’t knew. He was a stranger here- abouts, He hired this farm last summer, but he didn’t pay nothin’ much.” } ** But where is he now?” ~~ “Lit out, I guess.” ; Those. ‘speculators looked” at eleh thee again. Then some of them said: said cuss words vigorously. ‘«Where’s Boom?” « Attending to getting the machinery,” ‘hen he can’t be in the swindle.” : io In if, the same as we are. { guess—taken, in. ‘4 “Let's” hurry back to New York and stop im. “Yes: but let's take a specimen of this quartz along to make sure of the matter,” . All right; but stop all further work until ** Sold?” and. others ‘you receive further orders,” said one of the Jeaders, addressing the miners; and each filling his pockéts with specimens of the quartz, they hastened to the depot, swearing at every jump. Meantime, Bulger Boom was working with all his might and main to get machinery ready to crush out the fortunes, With the money ‘he had already received he had presented his wife with several dresses and — articles of jewelry, andhad taken her back to” the Fifth Avenue Hotel, insisting upon it that she should, as before, give her sewing-machine to some poor, worthy person, together with their simple household effects, as they certainly. would never have any further use for them. ‘‘Warewell to the winters of our poverty and discontent, Harriet,” said he. ‘*But because we are now rich, we should not forget that we were once poor. And, Harriet, we'll just do something very handsome for every one of the poor people whom we know.” “Indeed we will, Bulger. Oh, you are so good,” said she, looking ‘smiling’ into his face. ‘When dressed ‘up, Mrs, Boom was as fine a looking Jady as could ‘be found’ anywhere, and having been well brought up, she was fitted to grace ¢ any position that might be hers, | They were both of them in the seventh héaven of happiness when those indignant holders of the stock in ‘‘the New Jersey Ophir HY (yes, it was all owe-for!) appeared before him, Thereis no knowing how far they micht have pone in their insinuations aad denunciations had not the handsome Mrs. Boom been present, But they dealt out their language just as forci- bly as it could well be respecting the’ barefaced swindle by which they had been taken’ obs Bulger Boom was thunderstruck. ‘¢Can it be possible?” he asked. ; ‘Yes, we have shown the miserable quartz | to several good judges, and they pronounced it worthless. In short, whether you were aware: of the fact or not, the man who pretended to | own that mine was a swindler, and simply plant- ed the genuine gold-bearing quartz in’ that mis Brable hole and advertised for suckers.”
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‘And got his nest full,” said another of them, : ‘eAnd has lit out with at least thirty thou- sand dollars belonging to his dupes,” put in an- other. : , ** What do you know about it, Mr. Boom?” “No more than you do, gentlemen. I am not a mining expert. I believed it genuine the same as you did,” replied Boom, sadly, and his wife came to his rescue with her usual ear- Boe and the speculators retired soon after, sick. ’ CHAPTER IV. : THE news that the New Jersey gold mine was a fraud, a delusion, a snare, almost broke the elastic heart of Bulger Boom, and even his trust- ing wife felt inclined to droop. Bat he was and had been honest in the busi- ness, and the four or five thousand dollars which he had made out of it, he felt himself honestly entitled to, even though some of the stockholders insinuated that he would be com- pelled by law to give it ap to them. He had @ grip.on that much, and what was more, he intended to keep it, and live on it as long: as. it lasted. : It will bé remembered that they were board- ing at the Fifth Avenue Hotel when the news of the great fraud was brought them; but the moment it was confirmed beyond a doubt, Mrs. Boom gently insisted that. they should change for cheaper quarters. This he really did not wish to do, but yet he knew that his wife was right, and so submitted, The result, of this diplomacy was that the cost. of their living was reduced fully one-half, but their comforts not at all. So she felt that in spite of the loss of the many millions which they had so fondly expected to receive from the gold mine, they had enough, in all probability, to last them handsomely until Mr. Boom could find another fortune, or make.one.. . : ‘So it will readily be seen that she was the wiser of the two, even thongh she did worship -and regard him’ as the gredtest and most won- derful man in the world. ef But Boom did not escape a lawsuit, for all thé stockholders went for him baldeheaded, and offered a reward for the capture of the honest- looking New Jersey farmer who discovered the mine. : P _ Of course, however, Boom defended himself, resolved, if he was forced to give up what’ he had made out of the speculation, to scatter some of it among the hungry lawyers, and as there was no. likelihood of the case coming to trial in a year or two, he felt tolerably secure, and once more bobbed up serenely for some- thing else. Pig A But what should that something else be? “Of course, he was not the man to remain idle long under any circumstances, but now he had te a taste of blood, so to speak, and it made im eager for more. pets ~ So he set his powerful brain to work, and took a careful look over the field in order to see if there was an opening; if there was anything that needed to be invented or improved. ~ And while doing this, he kept a sharp eye on the stock markét, for possibly there might be a forfune lying around loose somewhere, waiting for Some far-sighted man to pick it up. _ Meantime, Mrs. Boom was gracing her new station in life, just as she graced the very hum- ' ble one from which she had ‘lately arisen, and she showed her taste and ingenuity by dressing 80 as to seem expensively so, but on a very lit- tle money—on what some ‘women ‘would look shabby. i sees? Y Good, kind, pattent woman, she was the same loving, trusting, cheerful companion, either in supshine or in shadow. Nps One day he bought some Pennsylvania ‘rail- road stock when it appeared to be at its lowest, and he sold it three days afterwards so as to make one hundred dollars. This elated him go that he tried’ another road, and succeeded in getting rich very fast. losing two hundred in two days. See © This might be speculation, but it was not Sd he concluded that BULGER BOOM wholly unworthy of a man who carried ‘around as much as he did in his brain-pan. He’ was born’ for higher ‘things, and so he very soon soured on that sort of speculation and sent out his cerebral discharges’ toward something grander and greater. About this time the subject of using electric lights instead of gasibegan to agitate the pub- lic mind, and, naturally enough, Boom ‘caught on” with all his natural/enthusiasm. The theory was a great one.’ ' All it. wanted was'a great mind to work it out into a successful experiment. Boom ‘saw what had been done in that direc- tion, and concluded that he*eould go several “chips ”” better. Being-a chemist and electrician, he easily comprehended. what ‘had. been done, aid brought his overflowing brain-pan to bear upon what might be accomplished. He had money enough left to start a series of experiments calculated. to carry out his im- proved ideas, and having made, up his mind that there*Was, money and fame in it, he went in with all his n&tural yim. About one-half of the floor which he occupied ‘was speedily turned into a laboratory, and, Boom began. | As before stated, he was.well posted on the feeble attempts that had been made in the way of utilizing the electric spark as a means of an illuminator, and nothing short of a great im- provement upon that would satisfy him, or, as he fondly supposed, the waiting. public. But he soon, found that his laboratory was too small, for his experiments. Besides, he wanted steam or other power. So) he hired a building in thesame block and began a. series of larger experiments, calculated to shame Edi- son out of the field of invention. He worked over his pet theory for weeks, but finally he hit upon it, as he thought, and has- tend to satisfy the ereMNOTUER of a longing, distressed, and anxious world. : He had it! Rad : Once more Bulger Boom, had: not only a for- tune for himself and his friends, but he had the dearest of all things to him,:fame, close in’ his grasp. Ailhe had to do now was to ‘file his let- ters-patent, and then in a cautious,and gradual way, proceed..to astonish and. illuminate the darkened world. ; x sive ‘©Can it supersede: gas?” asked his friends, **Can it! Does the, light of. the sun, super- sede the reflected light of the moon?” Well; rather; was the generalopinion. ‘¢ True. And so does) my electric light. super- sede the poor gas which the companies furnish us.” BhunetT ye “To those not acquainted with ' Boom, ‘his elo- quence and persuasiveness’ seemed to carry all before it. _ 1Osip erty neti - Several men of wealth—men who had money they wanted to invest—hearing of what the dis- tinguished professor was about, chipped in their | * funds to help the thing along, and’ the result was that those: who had taken stock in the great invention—alleged—held a meeting and resolved ‘to put it toa test. - ; | And being influential in the district, they had but little trouble in convincing the inhabitants of the: block or square. in which they lived to take stock in the new light, insomuch that they would, allow’ the experimenter te proceed: at their expense and in-their houses; It was not long, however, before things be- gan to take a definite shape, and Boom was away up in the sky once more. 1 ; The arrangement was that Boom should go on with; his‘experiments in perfecting his in- vention, to assist in which wires were connected with his great electric generator, and carried into and through every house in the entire Square, which faced on four streets, and to these wires were attached the lamps or burners that he had invented, and which he felt con- fident would both astonish and revolutionize the world. _ j ; ’ This of course was quite a large field for an|- experiment, and a great deal of interest was manifested both by those living in the field and he con dabbling in such things | those outside 'of it. But Boom was supremely. was only a little better than gambling, andj happy all the while, and felt his ¢reatness grow- Q : ing every moment, as’ of course’ his wife did, good, trusting woman that’ she was. : ‘The speculators soon learned’ to be quite as sanguine of success as’ Boom’ was himself, and while the experiments. were going’ on, they cheerfully paid ‘all the’ bills and procured a charter froin the legislature, incorporating the business under the name of ‘* The Boom Elec- trie Lighting Company,” and keeping the thing well before the public by judicious newspaper articles, relating to lighting cities by electricity instead 'of gas.’ ve LO" : It is true that several papers guyed’ the busi- ness’ in one way and’ another.” For instance, ~ ‘one of the evening papers had the following, and although it" might ‘have''been a bid fora subsidy in the shape of an advertisement or something of the kind, ‘still it made ‘a hit. This is the. article: ‘““LIGHTING BY LIGHTNING. © ‘Much has been written, and said of late re- specting the relative merits of gas and electricity for lighting purposes, and we understand that* one of our distinguished fellow-citizens is. now in the throes of experiment, backed up by some of our most lively ana. enterprising capitalists, although we’ believe that none of those who took stock in the ‘Cat Exterminator? experi- ment or thé fire-extinguishing gas by the same. great inventor haye manifested any marked/en- thusiasm in this new enterprise. We trust, how- ever, that it will be of more permanent value than either of those inyentions, and therefore have a longer life. The ‘Cat- Exterminator” really did promise great things for a pestered people, but. unfortunately it was not exactly practical, and had a disagreeaiyle “habit, as some folks thought, of exterminating pet dogs and children, The inyentor appears to have stopped. jus: a trifle short of a splendid achievement; although a few heartless old ‘bachelors, insist upon it that the machine is’ a great invention, and one greatly needed in tene- ment-house localities, where cats and children swarm’so extensively. But leaving that failure aside to rest among the lumber and dead bones of great, “‘almosts,” let us hope that the experi- ments that he is how engaged upon will turn out a greater success. At all events, we shall watch the progress of events and invents inthis direc- lion, and give our readers the result.” This article nettled Boom and his wife great- ly, but the stockholders were even more indig- nant than they. And at once they took measures to smother, that paper, with an‘‘ad,” and to make sure that nothing like that article would ever appear again in its columns. ‘But several other “papers” took it up for the same purpose, seeing how’ well the first one had succeeded, and the consequence was that every insignificant paper ‘published tn New ‘York and its vicinity had large advertisements relative to the great invention and ‘the ‘company’s: stock, which ‘was forsale in limited quantities.’ Boom, however, was htimped for suecess, and kept working away at his experiments, fully believing that success would wait upon him, and that- his namé ‘would'be handed ‘down to posterity as one of the great benefactors of the human race. ‘* ; ? W Ht ’ ‘His’ wife was his most trusty assistant,’ of couree; for now she did not have to’ work on her sewing-machine; and’ being wholly wrapped up in her husband’s success, she worked ‘with a will that was astonishing, and encouraged both him and the money-furnishing stoekholders, several of whom ‘were greatly strack by her personal beauty, and thus became more zealous in the good work. Hi “Experiment followed experiment in rapid succession, and although they were expensive ones to the stockholders, they firmly believed that Boom would eventually ‘succeed, and so paid for them without a murmur. ° And still he had as yet produced nothing new in the'art of electric lighting. He was simply experimenting on the inventions of others, al} the while trying to improve upon t)2m. But finally he hit upon’ a new notion, and re- solved fo break out a new path worthy of him- self. tS Le aah ede ride! The result was soon apparent, for those who- | lived in the houses’ embraced in the block that _
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10 BULGER BOOM Sn an ee a ee eae ISS SESS SSNSSESSREREENSNNEEEE ooo S)]do]ys.yoIMoS=-a$aoo>o4mouomonwnn—n—-—jN0->0—0800—0—0—0—05—5—565—5—— SSS) II was to be experimented upon were every now. and then startled by explosions and sudden flashes of light from the burners which he had placed therein, and then there would be silence and darkness for a time. _This was really. not a pleasant experience, of course, and the people wondered when the ex- perimenting businesss would be over with and the promised light—equal to that of day—would glow in their households. Meantime. Boom, was working away like.a true son and disciple of science, assisted by his adiniring: wife and one or. two assistants. One day she was.helping him.to, adjust some: new imachinery, when they. both. got caught, in the electric. current, from which they. could not geb away, and_ there, they, were compelled to stay, dancing and shouting i in- their,pain, until Pat Malloy, one of the assistants, came upon the scene. | «Stop her—stop her!’ shonted Boom, as he coutitiied to dancé and contort. Pacey yees ‘stop her! Yersilf,” “sit” asked i Pat. | hss et you {aiot! have got cauglit in’ the circuit? Stop her, I tell you, stop. her quick!” he’ said, between his, chattering teeth. Pat, “always ready to obey orders, rushed ‘at Mrs: Boom; who was dancing quite as lively as her husband. was, and caught, her around the waist,’ ~ 8 Whist, now; be.aisy. now, will yees? Sure. the boss wants ye ter stop,” said he. “You idiot! Boom, wild with rage and pain. eee Troth, I can't, sur, She won't stop, der ‘yer moind.” TY “Stop her, I tell yout” ; “Will ye be atsy now?” protested Pat, stil mistaking Mrs. Boom for the engine ‘which Mr. Boom meant for him to stop. ~ “Oh, you infernal jackass!” froaned Boom. Will ye stop it?” demanded Pat, and seeing that soma Trice would have to be applied in or- ‘ der to make her stop her dancing, he applied it, but in doing so he, contrived somehow to get into the circuit himself, and’ then all three. of them began to dance together. “Qh—oh—oh!” cried Mrs, Boom, ; “ Blank—blank—blank!” Boom kept, on eX- ploding,. as he kept up his dance. ~~ : “Howly murther!” yelled Pat, as the strong electric current, racked and tickled every nerve and muscle in his body: |” “Domino!” . Shonted | Boom. , ‘Where are you?” : ‘This; was to. his “colored assistant, who was supposed to be somewhere, abont the, ‘place. Domino had heard the racket and the shout- ing, and.thinking ‘that something was wrong, he was making his way toward the engine-room when he heard the frantic call... But the sight of, the boss, and, his wife and the helper, Pat, dancing and going through all sorts .of contortions, astonished. him com- pletely. eh Stop her, Domino!” shouted Boom. , ‘“Howly mother ay Moses, will ye stop her?” cried Pat, while poor Mrs. Boum would haye undoubtedly fallen exhausted to the floor had the electric current allowed her to do so. Domino made the same mistake that Pat had just made. He thought he was ordered to stop Mrs. Boom’s dancing, and he at once jumped in ‘to separate her hana and Pat’s, that the electric shocks were holding together so firmly. But in doing this he also made another of Pat’s mistakes, and wheu he finally succeeded | in wrenching them apart, he found himself, in the circuit, and instantly he began to dance and shout murder. This was worse and worse and more of it. Boom howled his indignation, and so.did they all, but there was no escape for them until the engine which ran the generators poopie he soe ped. “Oh, you infernal idiots!” “Der yer moind futshe calls ye?” asked Pat, addressing Domino. - Oh, bress de Lord! lar ter gracious itam a tarin’ moyall ter pieces! Whoa, dar, whoa!” : yelled the terrified Aarkeye seins hottie Don't you Seg" ‘that Ae But there was no escape for them. They were all of them in the grip of science now for sure, and although the electric shocks were not en- tirely dangerous, yet they were far from being agreeable. Presently, however one of -the stockholders came in to see how Boom was getting along, aud without making the mistake thut the other two had made, ‘he'finally succeeded in shutting off steam and stopping the engine. But a more thoroughly shook up party than ‘that was neyer escaped from-anywhere, and it ‘was with considerable difficulty, that they all managed to pull:themselves together again, Boom went: for Pat. and Pat went. for the “coon,” Domino, and during the next: few min- utes the air wasivlue with expressed feelings. i This, however,.was only av:trifling episode in the incubation. of sa. great invention, and :al- ‘though it made things” lively, for awhiley yet ib was soon forgotten. “Ocdasionally, of course, there were | accidents: | inthe houses througshavhich this powerful cur- rent‘of electricity was flashing, ‘Such ‘as’servant- girls and adventnrous, inquisitive pérsons @et- ting shocked and’ khockéd inattempting to us- cotton Whatit-was all about, anyhow.’ And in ore of the houses a mischievous young fellow contrived to take’ off acurrent: of: suffi- cielit strensth ‘to’ knock the house-cat out-of time and into eternity, so ues, that puss never knésv ‘who hither. : And another! waeeish investigator was not ‘Stop her I tell You” shouité a long in learding: how to apply the electricity to op. her, thee dinine-room chairs, after which he ’ per- suaded the! boarders to dle HSC: 80 ee he’ could show thém 4 trick.” Then‘arose trouble in that house. The table was kicked over, and’ the ‘wildest war-dance engaged in, that was ever seen in a respectable dibing-toom. So it will be seen’ that Boom’s experiments -| where not wholly devoid of success, even though |his light had not yet reached per’ fection. But he kept right down to business and work- ed with great’ industry’ and enthusiasm, all the while being confident of success: ~ » Finally, | ‘he got his burner as nearly perfect as it could be; he thought; and “so preparations were made for a rand trial, at: which, not only the stockholders, but the public at large, were invited. The entire square of houses was to be illuminated, and Boom’s great discovery: launch- ed upon the tide of modern’ progress. ; The papers gave notice of the affair, and the result wis that a great crowd ‘of scientific and curious’ people’ assembled ‘in “and: around this particular and favored block. OK At Booms’s particular request, all lights were to be turned out at exactly nine o’clock, one min- ute after which he was.to turn on his electricity and astonish the nations. The people humored his whim, and at the ap- pointed time the whole block became in. an in- stant.as dark as the: inside of a negro’s pocket in acoal-cellar. This was the supreme moment. Now Boom was made or marred. : With some nervousness he turned on the current’ of electricity, and instantly the whole block became illuminated, — ° A loud cheer went up which made his heart beat faster. ' Tt was an undoubted success. There did riot seem to be a thing to criticise. ‘« Perfection!” *« Beautiful!” af ‘ $6 Exquisite!” ‘Where is your gas now?” “Where are the gas companies?” and hun- dreds of other cries were heard on all sides. Boom’s heart beat faster, and that of his wife jumped so rapidly that it nearly burst her patent corsets. Owners of gas stocks’ got shaky and wanted to sell out. Electric light stock was booming away up. For an hour or so everything botokened a great success, and congratulations showered in upon Bulger Boom both hearty, thick and} fast. And so did money. People subscribed fur | stock right on the spot, and it seemed as | \ ignenit ‘its ereataee force.’ spun a wrought iron tank would have to be made to hold the money that poured in. If there ever was a successful experiment in the scientific world that was one, and of course Boom was the happiest man in New York. But there seemed to be an envious fatality tracking Boom wherever he went; a something that was continually trying to trip him up. ; The reader may have noticed this, but it was never more strikingly. illustrated than it was on this occasion, for in the hour of his triumph, the moment of his beatitude, there was an ex- plosion. Something was wrong somewhere. Some property there was' in his metliod ef working up bis electrical power that was explosive, ‘an while the illumination was at its’ Height, there caine a sudden tip; rang, bang. Instantly, following the ‘explosion, there was darkness—darkness' “atid explosion coming at the same times’) * ~Tt'is no wonder that consternation followed, for’ in’ several of the houses’ the witidows had’ been blown’ out and’ three? or: four others had been set on fire’) © As for'Bulger Beem! the same Geitionion that ‘had 80 shake up and denioralized the voce The result was that Boom’ aid his Bere es as well as several admiriu¢ friends and owners of the slectricliglit stock, were’blown out of the building in a& most Drdfitiectous’ find BHESIONIC nious manner. The’ windows and doors were’ not oppoe for ‘them, but’ they went out ‘with those useful ar- ticles; ‘in fact they’ went’out' together. Boom seemed to” aaye peen marked for a special visitation. On'the opposite” side. of the street’ from his, laboratory there was a butcher's shop. The entire party in the building were blown clear across the street. Boom seemed to gét something. more of arise than the others did, and on coming down, he somehow stopped ona ‘meat-hook. connected f with the awning frame that stood in front of the shop, and there he hung. - “The hook had not caught, much of his meat, but the seat of his trousers was strong, and, ag it had taken in’ a good breadth of it, he was held suspended like Mohammed's coffin, between heayen and earth. ‘The utmost confusion prevailed in the neigh- borhood, of course, and out of it all there arose an alarm of fire,” to which the firemen quickly responded. And as everybody was shouting all sorts of murder, or #ivinge vent to their emotions in va- rious Sensational ways, of course poor Boom’s cry was scarcely heard at all, and so there he hung by the seat of his trousers, calling in the most piteous tones to be taken down. Of course the police took possession of the entire block; but the fire did not amount to much, and was soon put. out, after which at- tention was turned to individual cases. Boom was one of the first whose cries at-. tracted the attention of the police, and after considerable trouble, -he was lifted from the meat-hook, and deposited on the sidewalk. But the excitement and confusion was so great that nobody appeared to know who he was, and the darkness being great, even his best friends failed to recognize him in his then demoralized condition. Brokenjup was no name for it. Demoralization was no-name for the’ conn tion in which Boom found himself as he made his way back to his ruined workshop. It was fully fifteen minutes before he could — sufficiently recover his senses to think straightly upon any subject, let alone attempting to ex- plain what had taken place. One of the bounced stockholders finally made his way back to the laboratory, and 28 some one had started a Kerosene lamp, he and Boom met in front of if and gazed at each other. “ What was it,’ Boom?” he faintly asked. “J--I give it up,” sighed Boom, looking around upon the ruin surrounding him. ‘« Was it the electricity?” ~ : AE ot 80. Mas Snes, Mee
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ity ’ her} broken-up husband, BULGER BOOM, ‘A great many. How are you?” Boom remembered his “suspense,” and with a thoughtful, almost anxious look, he allowed his hand to glide over theseat of his pants, as if to find oat: whether or no, he was bleeding to death, as he thought he might be. : “Tt has ruined “as!” “What?” “‘The explosion.” «“ But was it not a great success?” '«*What—the explosion?. tes, a grea suc- cess.” “No, the electric light.” 9... “ But this fatal explosion. That ‘has,knock- ed the whole thing Hehe than Gilseroy' kite.” ‘Hang Gilderoy!” Buty seven: then you must: admit that, our business is all, knocked askew. . How was it?” «There: must have been zomething, wrong ae mused Boom. erie ; / Well)» should, say;so.” “(Buta few more. exper: iments will remedy all that. It was a grand success,’ 1 i‘ Yes,” sighed the stockholder... AT :4The. whole block, was, illuminated, ,,; But where is, my wife?’ he added, looking around. ingas though he had)been, bhlown;up, about a mile high, and bad. just rained down., Mrs. Boom had, escaped. all; harm in, a, most, remarkable way, and ina short time she joined he was stilljin the land of. the, living. yan “Oh, Bulger, what-has happened?” she asked, bt seizing him ‘solicitously. “T= Tidon’t:know, | ‘Harriet, but I ‘will: find out, to-morrow,” said. be, sorrowfully. Well, the next day, the papers came out with graphic and) sensational accounts of the exhibi-, tion, and the explosion: which followed. it while. one or two of them’ brought up. the gas fire ex- || tinguisher and the cat exterminator, and, made. comical comparisons which), ‘set. everybody | laughing. 51-41 It was a sad day for. Bulger, Boom ‘and his, trusting wife, as it. was for, the trusting: and en- thusiastic stockholders who had, taken hold of} the affair as.a'speculation. ‘But Boom .was sot: entirely. beaten, yet, and although almost everybody’ was laughing athim, he went at it again, resolved on conquering Success or dying in, the last ditch ef scientific in- vention, “CHAPTER Met the stated’ in our last chapter, Bulger Bao applied himself with renewed energy: toward the perféction of his eléctric light. ~ But the dis- astrous explosion which had ‘followed’ the first grand public exhibition of his process made him and the shareliolders sick.’ But Boom ‘wasn’t the sort-of-a"man +0 ‘give up without: a big struggle. : There is no knowing but thatihe might have succeeded liad fortune favored hima httle more than it did, but after the wild experience of the inhabitants ofthe Square on which he had been experimenting, they refused to run any further risk, and ordered him to take the wires! out of their houses in the most peremptory manner. Once more the sky darkened, and Boom’ be- gan to look gloomy, as did those who had im- vested their money in» the speculation. Tripped when:on the verge of SnounsE for- tune! speculation ¥ was held, and Boom endeayored to _ explain why the thing had gone wrong... , But for once bis eloquence failed him, for the good and sufficient reason, probably; that he did not know what the reason for it was him- self. The attempted explanation would not. go, down; neither would it buoy the stock up. The meeting broke up in a row,, and Boom was called names enough to last him. all hig life, that is, provided he Wasnt, hoggish: about 2? such things. They demanded an accounting for the money | that had been ‘advanced, and ‘threatened -him |, with law in seven, different ETnCeh: it he. did not | sgive ity ‘e greatly, delighted, hat A meeting of those direetly interested in the’ They threatened him with a.red-hot exposure in the papers. They said they could prove that he was a swindler; a thief; a mountebank; a} charlatan; a humbug of, the first water who liad never yet invented a thing that was worth a continental, and in various ‘Ways made it pleas- ant for Boom. It nearly broke his heart. He had gone into the business with his accustomed earnestness and honest intentions. . He had: never\intended to swindle anybody ;, on the contrary, he hoped and:expected to make his own and the fortune of every one: who took Une jean interest in the business. | It tooka week for iin ie: recover. And even ‘then: le would: most. jlikely have failed to do'so had it‘not been for his wife, who, of course, took his ‘part, ahd abused the men who-had> gone! back on-him as ‘roundly.as) they had abused him in their wrath, assuring. him that they weré not worthy of him, and deserved i to lose their'moneys! fy ncn “The! result» was that they had folded: “their tents, like the Arabs, and quietly stole away to, ‘another poftion of ‘the town, taking withithem everything that was ofivalue.) besides. what:cash 1) Just ithe Domino putin anappearance, lo ok there was ‘left or could’ be raised; pica anes Bale of: old metals,’ etc. ‘This enabled thém to continue a8 ‘ive Above ; want, and so the sewing-machinie “did not have ‘to be! brought’ forward’ “to fill’ the bredieh,’ as it iad’ done on so many other occasions, * And yet. Bulger Boom’was not aticien dtl to’ igive the electric lich? business up.” He Se be- lieved that he could’ make'a success of ite" He continued his experiments. “>! “Tre new home was not quite'so- well sie ioe experiments as the other ane had been, but ‘he resolved on" continuing them: until he should réach perfection and complete success. But somehiow,or other-he could not hes vis electric lighting | invention=work.) » 1 Tt would explode and kick: up all.sorts of mis- Chief im spite: of all that he could do, iso long as ihe persisted in following ‘out lis own-ideas ‘and departing ‘from’ ate discoveries which: OER had made, > 7°: Bae Ig ~ But he was Houta’ to. be’ brigtial or” nothing’ yet, following out this line, he soon found’ out that he did not amount to! ‘much,’ and once more he let Aimself: go on complete origi- yelity, ! j psomethine ata be discovered.’ ‘ “He brovght his entire Wrain-power' to work, * And his ‘wife still continued her interest: urg- ing him to fall back on the eas’ he had discov- ered, and utilize it as a motor. if ‘So the’ electric’ light business‘ was” hacoened like a hot potato, for, i in reality; it was a trifle too hot to hold, and’ once ‘more lie turned to Study the possibilities of the’ STs, pow- erful gas. . True, it had proven a ‘failure, So far.as a prac- tical fire- extinguisher, . but, after all, might it’ not be made to y distance steam, and completely revolutionize motive power? ‘To the mind of, Bulger Boom there was no doubt about it, and he wondered why he ever’ thought of giving up the ideas, In a week or go he had a small engine built, together with a gas generator, not quite so large as the one that had, in exploding, kicked up ‘such a panic in his back yard, but. it was stronger. im proportion. The little engine was a great success, for it not only exhibited as mue velocity as steam: could have imparted to it, but it was several ‘|:times more powerful. In fact, had its parts been strong enough. to have borne the test, there is no doubt but that, model though it, was, it would have shown the energy of a horse-power. : Boom was in the seyenth heayen of expecta- j tion again, and once more he. assured his wife that. untold. millions were trying to crowd themselves into his purse, to which,. of course, she was to have as free access as he. “There can be no doubt about it,” said he; beén, ‘but-are’ now superseded.” she, fondly and earnestly. “How can there’ be? velocity'and power!” coal’ gas, and see “how cheaply all this ean be done. , Why, it will’not/cost a quarter part #0 Look at it! See its much as ‘steam, while ‘it Will dy sete times tle . work, fs ate Oh, Bulger!” ‘t the shades and lumber lofts of things that have “Not the slightest doubt: of it, Bulger,” said ‘No steam, no’ smoke; Ho ‘Think of wat a alto it: will: create in: steam navigation. tities of coal that the ocean steamers are obliged to take with them.at every trip. double the quantity of freight can be taken in the place of that coal. from the’ danger’ of: fire,” Why, almost’ Look at theenormons quan!” ' Again, see the freedom’ Why, insurance on ocean-going steamers wath be reduced toa mini~’ mum.’ that youjhaye made. the erent Ase ser a of, _“Lknew;I should do ‘its I knew itp talon ) ‘Yes, Bulgers but; what do Fon, .ProRose to. +} do next?” it “Next! isn’t this pronase ‘a ‘SYou do. not,understand: me,, dear. as mean. what is your, next move inthis?” ... “ Ohl, J.shall apply.for.a patent.the first thing I.do;,a patent for my, gas, after, which sha Certainly, my dear, Seria is: ‘no. ‘doubt but, 165 : make a larger and stronger model, that: Tecan: ‘place on exhibition. yp “* Ah, the American Tnstitinte Pair! ry $f ia) Yes; the very thing ;!it opéns next shonth; IT had. forgotten that:!: Not) an‘ hour jis. to be lost; Iwill tile my claims and specifications this very" day, and“put & pe a att npON my evgitie.” Almost in ecstasies ‘over “the rilliancy’ of the prospect, he went to work, while his wife econ- omized in every way so as to give eS benefit of , every cent to her husband.’ “Another application for a patent from Boom!” cried ‘one ‘of? the examiners! ati the Patent Office; asihe received ite’: , *« What! does Boom come up eerie once t more?” asked’ several of the other clerks,’ and a general Jaugh went all around the room.) And itis ‘little: wonder tliat’ they laughed, for he had‘already taken’ out patents: for! almost everything that could: be ‘thought: of; none’ of which'ever'came!to much if any y more. than the cat-exterminator of which the reader knows, \» - But'in this instance he'was doomed to failure, for/after all, his discovery was none at alt It had ‘been made years before. » This news, however, did not reach hin until hig engine had’ been: completed: and ready for the fair, where he had made up his mind to ex- hibit it to the world “for the ‘first timie‘if being his intention to astonish the said world all’ of a sudden, and form a’ stock company with mil- lions in it at the saine time. The. engine attracted“much attention, and worked admirably, only it was noticed that a | great’ many people, when they found out who the inventor was, got out of the HCL of it as quickly as possible. ' i Several people remembered about many. of his other inventions, and knew that they were ‘| liable to kiek up at any moment, ; Some. of the reporters who were present, and wrote an account of the opening of the. great exhibition, bestowed extravagant praise upon’ Boom’s engine and motive power, faking their cue from him, and said that it would most un- questionably take the place of steam; all of which made Boom feel very good, and, attracted much attention from all quarters. Engineers and scientists flocked to see the remarkable discovery. Just, as soon as ie: had’ his stock’! ‘oompeny {formed he et tell the world all Bhoat i Un:
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G BULGER BOOM.” —s til then it must wait, and take his word for the cost of running the engine. This seemed fair enough, and subscriptions at once beganjto pouriu. That.is to. say, he had the assurances of all the money he wanted just as soon as he demonstrated to them that what he said about the gas was true. But on the third day, the whole thing blew up with a loud report, knocking pally-ho- out of everything i in its neighborhood, and . upsetting people in the most savage and unceremonious manner, creating almost a panic. Fortunately, however, no lives were lost, ale though much property. was. But there wasn’t enough of that puis: engine left to shoe asheep with. The only wonder \ was that there were so few casualties, when the damage to surrounding, property ‘amounted’ to several thousand dollars. Poor Boom had both hope and wind knocked out of him? and it was some momients before he could be restored té ‘consciousness again. “And he almost wished that he never had:been restored at-all when he'looked around and con templated the damage done. ) He was arrested for endangering the lives ‘of the people And damaging their property, and at the examination which followed the whole’ trath about the gas came out. , "It was a gas’ well known to chemists; but ohe very rarely made’or experimented with? on! ac- count of gees 80° ‘datigerous: | It'” possesses great energy, but/is not” ‘only. Kable to explode almost anything in which it‘is confined, but often takes fire on that very account, and ‘then It will kick the stuffing. out of a cannon. ; ~The judge discharged: him with a reprimand, helding: ‘that thes committee of the exhibition were as much to blame as:he was for/ ‘allowing him to place such a dangerous engine in such @ public place. As for the damages, that was a matter for civil courts, not his. : Poor, Boom! Was there ever.such an unfortunate-man as hig The fates seemed to conspire against im. From the loftiest throng of greatness and suc- cess he was hurled down into the mire of failure and ridicule. I It nearly broke his heart, as. that of his hope: ful, helping wife. > For the fitst time in het lite she half: indulged in the thoughtithat her husband) was after all not the greatest: man in the;world,!and thatidis- eovery and invention ware not in his line ex- actlyzods /Butshe quickly shook off the impious thought, and nursed him even more tenderly than) ever, for he was pretty badly hurt by the explosion and the-inward wound of disappointment. - He wasn't inclined to halls about it much; neither, was his wife. They nursed their sorrow and tried to Keep it pidden- from each other. _And yet-her woman’s heart was. not long in arranging many excuses for his failure, after which she, gilded them with her sympathy. Finally le got so, he could get around again, | but almost the first thing he found. were the many Dewspaper comments ” upon his fiasco which she had lovingly kept from him. . - « _. This was not nice “reading for Boom, however much it might amuse the” general public, for there, too, were comical comments, ‘satirical and philosophical ones, none of which reflect- ‘ed much sympathy for the alleged inventor.’ “Neyer mind, Bulger—don’ Etake any notice of what they say; I ‘believe in you if they do}: not,” said she, earnestly. “You are an angel, while they are many re- ‘moves from such a state. But it nettles me, nevertheless, to read these things. Not con- tent with speaking of the engine, this fellow lugs in that cat exterminator, and gives a his- tory of it.” “Well, they cannot say that’ it was a fail- ure.” ‘© No,” said he, softly. _ (It was simply impracticable, that’s all.” Boom sighed ps he remembered how near ‘that “invention came to being a success, ~ But it would never do to liedown and repine. Tho milk was gpilled, and the probability of ! saying it for further use was not flattering enough to inspire so hopeful a man as was Bulger Boom even. ‘Something had.to be done. thing must be done toward replenishing it. He did not, however, recover from this blow so quickly as:he‘had from some. others, possi bly because it had staggered him more than any of his othér failures had: : _ But he soon began to recuperate, and’ once mote to look ‘around over the field of specula- tion’; not of invention, though, that he had had enough of that to last some time. Inia few: days ‘he. heard that. fortunes were being made in certain lines of real-estate, and he’resolved to:turn ‘his \attention in that direc: | tion long enough to make a few hundred, thou- sands.” He°had no capital, of course, but little things like that neyer troubled Bulger. Boom. cheek dnd: his tongue was all the capital he re- quired. : Well; he succeeded: better at that business than any he-had yet undertaken. He managed to get's largelamount-of unimproved property into his hands, and then, by artful advertising, to start a demand for it, so that before he had held it, six months, he sold out, and made twerty-five thousand dollars free and clear. With a part of this he bought a modest house, in his wife’s name, so he would ‘not be at the: mercy: of landlords or neighbors again. They had gone pretty short while that money was hatching, but now for the first time in their lives Mr. and Mrs, Boom were independ- ent: That they were also happy need not be told: She loved and believed in her husband more than ever, as. she had good reason to do. Most men would have stuck to the business in which they succeeded, but not so Boom; and now that he was independent of the world for, some time at all events, the old’ spirit of in- vention and discovery came npon him again. Fame was what he wanted quite as. much as money, or, rather;.he wanted them both to- gether. in large doses, Money would not cause his name. to be remembered, and that was what haunted him continually. ‘So at it he went again, studying and expori- menting upon all sorts of things. In fact, he was seized. with the old craze of alchemy, and believed for. quite awhile that he could find out nature's secret of transmitting base metals into gold, or discover how it was made. But his friends finally talked him out of that, and he went for something else, While experimenting in his laboratory one day, he accidentally inhaled some gas that had been evolved from some combination, and be was astonished to find that it produced the feelings of drunkenness. In fact, he could not have been ‘more pleasantly intoxicated had he drank a bottle of champagne,’and yet there seemed to be no ill effects from if. He tried it several times; tried it on his wife, and she was delighted. He tried it on his Trish seryant-girl, and. she proceeded to thrash him just the “same as she would have done had she partaken of a pint of whisky. This set him to thinking. He read up on all the other gases’ that had been discovered, and found none of them that possessed the same characteristic as this one did. He had undoubt- ‘edly made a great discovery. “But how should he utilize it? He showed how it worked on three or four of ‘his friends, and they were delighted’ and ‘aston- |» ished. It was the cheapest and most delightful drunk they had ever experienced, and from it they recovered seemingly unharmed, ‘and ‘they in turn told their friends—those who enjoyed such sensations, and in a very short time his house was frequented by the topers inthe heighbor- hood to the great detriment of the saloons. ® _ Finally an idea hit him. ‘Had he not discovered a substitute for tiquor? And what tremendous possit ilities there) were attached to itl ote'y 69} pes T think I have hit! upon a ‘The fire beneath the domestic pot was burning low, and some- for» he’ felt His | great discovery!” said he, after he had tested it in various ways. “ But of what use is*it, Bulger?” she asked, in a kindly tone of voice. | “ Ofwhat use, Harriet! Iam astonished that you do not see the possibilities attached to this great discovery—rum.” “ What?? “Whisky!” ' Yes?” “Brandy, champagne, gin, and, in fact, all the other kinds of liquor.” “Yes, I know; but——” “¢ People drink them.” ‘eT know it, Bulger.” ‘«They will have them.” “Tam sorry that it is so.” ‘eBut it is a human’ weakness, and ‘We Can- not help if if we would. But we can make im- | provements in the exhilarator;' my’ Geet “«Yes, of course.”’ «Perhaps we can teach men and women to adopt substitutes, Now, this gas fills the bill.” ‘¢Do you think so?) “Why, I know'so. Don’t you see how it af- fects people? ‘A’ that wine and liquor is drunk for is for the effect it produces.» But/they over- load the "stomach and ‘disorganize ‘the’ tissnés, . producifig all'manner of ills;just as: the!use:of opium does.''’Exhilaration is followed, by pros~ tration,’ but with my. gas; the case is different. A man can ‘have 4 first-class drunk for ‘a ‘tenth part’ of what it would otherwise cost, and at the same time put nothing hurtful upon: his stom- ach. He’ gets the effect’ without the counter- effect. Instead of having bottles of costly wine. upon the table, all that will be'required) if this is adopted, is a reservoir of gas under the table, lor elsewhere, with small tubes running up by each’ plate, in the form of a bouquet of t flowers, ‘maybe, so that each’ may inhale enough to pro- duce ‘the required effect,’ without the assistance of waiters’ or anybody else.” Mrs. Boom smiled: ‘«Bar-rooms would become obsolete. at once, or they would be conducted’on an’ entirely dif- ferent plan; for when @ customer came in and called for’ his beverage, all the attendant would - have to do would be to hand:up: a siphon charged’ with the! particular flavored gas, and let HEHE man’ take ‘a long. he at it. ' Do you see? of “But how about the Geenoniae: of thirst?” ‘eTn nine cases out of ten people do not drink because they are thirsty, but because they wish to get fuddled. They make believe they are thirsty so/as to deceive others or their con- sciences, ‘but:you never. see'them drink water, which: is:the greatest thirst quencher in. the world.) But..so. far. as that is concerned, if a customer is really thirsty, he can help himself toa glass of ice-water and then take his ex- hilarator. afterwards,: Ob, I am, certain that there is a fortune in it,” he added. «Perhaps the ‘Moderate, Drinkers’ Society ” would. approve of and adopt it,” said she.. : ‘“*No doubt of it, my dear, no doubt of it. In fact; I think temperance men generally would approve of it, for the evils. of intemperance: would be almost entirely done away-with if this gas was used instead of liquor; ¥ . ‘But have you. ever tried it.on persons who: never drink?” « Well, no, I believe not. In fact, those who do drink are the ones who are continually com- ing here to have me experiment upon them,” said he, laughing heartily. “Suppose you try iton some of the'teeto-: talers and see what the effect will be.” “Tl doit. ‘In fact, 1am going to push it. before the world; for not only do T believe it to- be a ‘great discovery, but those upon whom [ have experimented with it say so, too. I have: already obtained a patent upon it and given it a name,” said‘he. © '*« What name have you given it, Bulgor?” '* Boom’s Gasseous ‘Exhilarator. Ss “Gracious! “And /are you going your name with it?” " “To be sure 1am. Fame is what I am work- ing for now; and it will assuredly come from- this,’ said he, proudly. ‘ Well, Boom went to work, ° to couple
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But the fame ef his exhilarating, discovery had already got abroad, occasioning some com- ment and considerable laughter; and So, when he sent invitations to, about a dozen prominent temperance men and women to call at his house and test the @reat.exhilarator, they were no strangers, Lo it, They responded to the invitation. with alac- rity, and seemed anxious to test the wonderful gas, for they had ‘caught on” to Boom’s idea about how much superior it was for those who would drink for the effect.it produced, and they were anxious to prove. it, and possibly try to make it take the place. of the abominable liquor which is poisoning the world, . As. before stated, Boom had never tried, the effect of his exhilarator upon aby, person not used to the effects of liquor; but as he wished to make a hit with his first exhibition, he made up a large receiver ful! of the gas, donble strength, “with about a dozen india-rubber tubes radiating from it. Each one of these pipes was provided with a 8top-cock, so that the supply might be easily regulated, and so a large number of persons could inhale it at the same time. Old Deacon Plug was one of the foremost men in the cause of temperance, and after work- ing it for many years, and finding that people would drink if they wanted to, he concluded that the best he could do was to improve upon the tipple. And they had all made up their minds’ that they could not keep men from drinking’ what they wanted any more than they could compel a horse to drink if he didn’t want to. Conse- quently they were ready for a compromise, such as this great invention of Boom seemed $o be. Deaeon Plug took a pull at it, and then stood in a meditative mood to note theeffects, Mrs, Ding also took a long snuff of it, feeling €ertain that it. was not breaking her pledge, since nothing was said in the document about inhaling any reas, Mr. Guilt also inhaled some, and others followed them. Deacon Plug tried it again, éither because ‘he : liked the effect, ‘or because thé first dose did not satisfy him. “Then Mrs.’ Ding went for another, as did they all in'rapid succession; \ “Ton’t be afraid of it, my friends, for’ it, has beén tested by hundreds’ of people and found to! be perfectly harmless, further than ‘producing the effects. of intoxication,” said Boom. “They fll took some nore, and Boom’ watched them ‘with considerable anxiety: “*T feel it,” said Deacon Plug, finally. : “So do 1, brother,” said Mrs. Ding.’ nous ‘eWhew!” put in’ Mr. Guff, . “Wonderful!” chimed Mr. Mug. ‘Who would have believed it?” asked! Miss Chipps, looking wildly around.* ‘“«Whoop!” cried Mr. Icewater, a well-known temperance lecturer. — “How!” chimed Mr. Pad. “ Beautiful!” ’ “ Delightful!” ; “Splendid!” and other erclarcatvols followed each other in rapid succession. “Bully!” roared Deacon Plug, who by this time was beginning to feel the effects of it, “ Whoop her up "gome more!” cried Icewater. “Yes, set em up again.” **Oh, we won’t go home till morning!” «Once more for the cigars!” “‘ Wasser masser, anyhow?” demanded Plug. ‘‘Let’s go get drunk,” suggested Mr. Guff. “Who says s1’m drunk?” howled Pad. “Bet yer a lawyer, an’ leave it to yerself,” put in Mr. Squirmer, speaking for the first time. ‘Go in, Bob; I'll brace up ter yer. Whoop! who says t can’t fight?” cried Brother Buzz. ‘Who says. I can’t dance?” asked Deacon Plug, seizing” Mrs, Ding’ around’ the waist and commencing something between a can-can and a. breakdown. “Wow do you like it, my friends?” asked | | Boom, and the general verdict was: Bully!” But things really began to look squally. The gas acted more potently thah any. he had yet administered, and in Jess than ten minutes every one of those temperance people were | crazy. They danced. and sung, they jumped up BULGER BOOM, land down; they shouted and wanted to. fight one.another; they kicked over tables and chairs, and, in fact, in spite of all that Boom could do, they raised pandemonium i in his house. : ' He tried to stop them, and that produced a fight. Eyes were blackened and noses punched, The very deuce seemed to be to pay and no pitch hot. Mrs. Boom tried to. pacify. the ladies, but this only made matters Agritedly worse. A CHAPTER vi. Poor Boom was faring decidéaly: bad with his friends, 'on whom’ he? had ‘been experiment- ing with his intoxieating gas.i" ‘Exemplary and temperance men and’ women though they were, its effect’ upon them’ was? such as to arouse their worst and most Pos) ent qualities, ‘They fought ,with each other. They concen- trated on Boom: They smashed his gas tank; they broke his. bottles and retorts; they dislo- cated every article of furniture within their reach; they:wwhooped and shouted likeIndians enjoying a war-dance, In fact, a pint of whisky :each - -would not have made them behave worse. Bulger Boom wished that he; had never been born, ‘and 80. did his wife, for the gas-inflated women of the party had abused her shamefully. They had pulled down her back hair. with- out stopping to take out the pins; they tum- bled her over on the floor and tumbled: on top |. of her, after:which they tried tomake it all right again by standing her on her, head,’ “That house was a perfect bedlam during the next half hour, but gradually the‘eflects of the intoxicating ‘gas ‘subsided, and those who had taken it began to act a trifle more rational.’ But they ¢ evidently knew not what they had been doing. Some of them, in fact, bore the most unmistakable evidences of it on their faces and. persons, while the disorder and ruin about the house showed that there had been either a drunken, party or a mad bull there. Sheepish of looks and utterly disgusted, with themselyes, they repaired damages as best they could, ‘and Separately withdrew, the, verdict be- ing that Boom’ ‘8 gas was worse than bucket-, shop whisky. When all was over Boom found himself with! ‘a black eye and ® nose that stood’ decidedly on LS the bias, while his wife was crying over the in- dignity she had Sustained, havine fared but lit- tle better in every, respect: than” her’ husband had. Mrs. Hooltt Was ‘an angel if éver there’ was one, but this €xperience Would certainly have been too ‘rough for’ any specimen of “celestial poultry who cated anything’ about feathers ‘and wardrobe, and naturally enough she was very indignant. Boom felt like laughing until:he saw her, for ‘the comical‘side of the affair struck him very forcibly;i but when he saw her in tears, he be- came suddenly tragic. “Bulger, this isis too much!” said she, ‘* Well, yes, I should say so. Ais did they do. to you?” : ‘«Oh—oh—oh!” ‘«Tell me, darling; what did they do? ‘«They—oh—oh—oh!., They—they actually —yes--they stood——” rs “Stood!” ‘9Stood me.on my head!” and she went off into a paroxysm of sobs and tears. | “The wretches!” ‘And all on your account.” ° *’On my account, Harriet?” “Yes, for if it had not been for your. gas, | they would never have thought of ‘such a thing.” ov Harriet, it was a ereat, experiment.” “T call it” a great outrage. ade ‘But it was a suecess, ‘hevertheless. Retr «5a successful outrage! Why, it was the ‘most outrageous ‘and disgusting exhibition I eyer saw. in my life!” “But, my dear, only « think of my great |) achievement, said he, soothingly, “Only think, of your wife—think of the indiz- nities she has ‘sustained! Think of her, heing ———$S—$.$ stood—stood on. her—her head!’ said she, in choking accents, “Harriet, it shall never occur again.” “But that does. not atone for what, has been!” “True; bat you must remember that, you are the wife ofa scientist, and as such’ you must share in your husbands -experitnents, as. you share in the reward. which they bring.” «But must the wife of a scientist be stood on her head, I would like to know, by a pack of drunken women?” “Yes: but think what made them drunk, ud said he, proudly. SUA don’t care what it was. I will” not, be misused. in such’a way, even.in the cause of science. Only think of it!” “YT do, my dear, I will be more caréful ‘in the future. Bat it was a great triumph for my gas,” he added, “« T suppose 80,” said she, half gadly.- “They acted just like drunken people.” “Yes, I fancy they did,” and Mrs. Boom looked around upon the ruin that had been wrought. “Well, say what you like, it was & a great tri- . umph for my invention.” “But what was the verdiet they left: behind?” “ What was it 2” he asked, thoughtfully. Iti was, that your gas, was just as.bad as what they call ‘bucket-shop”’ whisky.” ‘* Well, they were not good subjects on whieh to experiment.”’ “+They weren't! Well, perhaps regular drank- ards might manage it better, but ‘Ihave’ seen all the experiments I want,” . Boom, looked. thoughtful out of his blackened eyes, but made no, reply, and Mrs, Boom retired to her own chamber. She felt too bad—too indienenton: account of what she had suflered—to trust, herself with her tongue, and had the good sense to get. out, of the way with it, or at least to retire where she could express herself to herself, _ While Boom stooa there, half congratulating himself over the SUCCESS of his great discovery, and at the same time looking. ruefully upon the ruin that had been wrought, Mary Malloy, the Irish servant-girl, came into the room, . oA ‘War yeu, “murthered entoirely? 2? Bhe asked, as she stood in the door with her armns akimbo. ‘*No; why ??.. Me ‘Troth, ne ‘war. the, loudest ‘tuetion I ‘haye heard:since. the, wake ‘of Teddy. O?Whack!? “Well, it Was a trifle loud; but, they were simply subjects of my experiments.” _ * Did they get, ther whusky smell 2” she asked, pointing to ‘the gas-retort. ; “Yes; they were all under the influence. HA “ Begorra, an ivs right_ye are in sayin’ hat. Shure they stunk the whole house, an’ whin they began to foieht it was. nearly ‘crazy I was to come up-stairs ‘and get.a piece ay it.” “You are altogether: too fond of fighting. pid “Sure, but arn’t I Oirish!” g “Well, Ieuess you are, But go to work and clear up the room. Throw those broken things into the ash-barrel, and put-the room in order, 32 said he, as he retired to, repair personal dam- ages. There was ‘one thing about Boom’s Mentions they never failed to work. ‘*Bad luck ter me, but ifi war an iligant toime they had here,” mused Mary, as she gazed around upon the ruins of, the experiment. “Troth, I’d er given a month’s wages. ter been here.,;,Sure, an’ Mr.;Boom is a great man. Hé6 makes a schmell that gets a person as drunk as poteen, soit do; I wonder, is. there ony of it left?” and she began to investigate the retort. Finally she got hold ofone of the tubes, and - began to inhale the gas that was still in it: “Be me sowl, but that’s good! All it lacks is ther taste, but that’s nothin’ so long as it makes ther fuddle come. Whoop! but. that’s good!” s said she, taking another long pull at it. ‘Tt did not take long, to produce thesame effect upon her that it. had’ ‘produced upon the others, and then, instead of doing as ghe had been told ‘to. do, and clear up. the’ room, | she began to ‘dance a breakdown and to sing a_ lively : song, waking and shaking the whole house. _ {4 Whoop!” she cried, and’ caching. up. her ? 1 Sane
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ress she proceeded to foot it right merrily, threatening every moment to break through the floor. .° Boom and his wife rushed into the room. “‘Mary—Mary! What are you doing?” cried Mrs. Boom, going toward her. “Whoop, but it’s fine!” shouted the girl.” “ Stop it!” yelled Boom. “*T can’t, sure. Whoop!” “Stop, I tell youl” ‘Come on till yer’ll give me a dance?” ‘said she, catching hold of him. ; *« Stop, I tell you!” ‘«Come.on an’ shake. a leg wi me, whoop!” and whether he would or no, she dragged him into the’ center of the room, and whirled him around three or four times. —** Will yez give me a dance?’ Tf yez don’t, Oi’ il give yes what Paddy gave ther drum.” : “Mary, be still,” cried Mrs,.Boom. —* . = “ Begorra, but'l can’t'do itl? se What! is the matter with you?” “Sure, but I snuffed some ay thér whisky, so I did,” said she. : oe Oh, horrors!” gs Mary, behave yourself!” said Boom: “Give me Satisfaction!” 9! 9: 1 { eT give you! a’ discharge without notice if you don’t behave yourself:” : “Yer will!” she’ exclaimed, and drawing’ off she hit poor Boom a whack’ alongside of the head that nearly floored) him.” “ Will yez dis- eharge me? Will yez?” she demanded. 1 = + Stop it, I tell you. Stop itl” *he shouted, and Mrs. Boom flew to ‘his rescue. Then followed a lively struggle, bat after a severe tussle they managed to eet her down-on her back, and Boom proceeded: to sit on her, and to argue the case with her © Bat it was no use. “The effect of whisky ‘was on her, and she was bound ‘to have satis- faction. »: > ~ But they had the best of her and Kept her down, although shé whooped and shouted for fair play. Finally, however, the effect of the gas began to pass away, and she promised to be quiet if they would let her up. ‘They did so, and the whole affair ended, so far as the next inning was concerned, in a growl which finally subsided, and the girl went to work to clear up the room. * But Boom let off the remaining gas 80 as to make sure tliat it would make no further trou- ble, after which he and his wife retired: again to their’ ‘chamber. Ibelieve that I have complimented Mrs. Boom on one or more occasions by calling her. an angel, but, there is a limit even to. what. an angel Will stand.” a And I think the’ reader will Agree with me, that her day’s experience, was @ much larger ‘dose than could or would be stood by any speci- men of celestial Roney, with which we are ac- quainted. “Bulger, this. is’ too. ‘much!” said she, “after they had reached their chamber. -“T know it is, my dear, but’ only think of what a triumph it has’ been for me.” “Triumph? T should’ say so! Look’at your two eyes! They look triumphant!” said she, manifesting more acrimony than she’ had ever shown before. «Welly T’ know; Hairiet: but, after! all is it not a great recommendation for my discovery2”. / 4¢Pshaw! I fear that! your’ discovery will not only ruin’ us,but bring’more misery -into ‘the | live than has ever existed before,” ‘said she, sai ig J ance But think’ of the money there is‘in it?” -*And the misery!” * “But people will drink.” “Tet'them; but'you have no right to invent mse that will? make more trouble,” i she. > 'Phis was about the ‘first’ time that she wala ever protested by word, deed, or, look against anything that he ever did.’ Nor did she now ‘mean to be severe; she was simply’ feeling sad from the experience she had received that aay. And to top Off that experience, the servant had polished’ off the “heads” which’ they had : aoa Diepen ted y pvith, and * ‘everything was ‘askew. doings. , BULGER BOOM. “Please give it up, Bulger. dH ‘What, give it up? Give'up a fortune?” he exclaimed, glaring at her with open eyes. ac.) Butt had rather remain poor all my life, than to get rich at the cost of so much misery as Lam ‘sure this will bring into the world:” < Nonsense, my. dear; it is vastly superior to alcohol, both in its results and effects. But I see a way out of the difficulty. ie “Tam glad. What is it?” ‘‘T will advertise and sell out the patent by states and territories, and in that way the blame will be removed from our shoulders.” ‘But it will bear your name.” -, - “No; Vl give it another. commercial name, so that 1 can reap the reward without suffering any of the odium.”),;; 4 Well, ass would. be. a trifle better,” said she. sf of course @ it will. Why, in this worlds: dad in the present state/of Society, it is not asked: ‘How did he get his'money?) The great* ques- tion ist” ‘Has he gotit? and go it «willbe in our case, When we haveit. Never fear, Harriet; we have just as much right to become million: aires from the sales of this, as- distillers have to’become so‘from' their business.” © And so they gradually consoled themselves, but it did! not reduce the swelling: in Boom’s nose, or smooth the wrinkled’ feathers ‘of his wife to any great extent, although she’ felt better. * Bulger,’’she said to ‘him that evening, after he’ had. finished: rubbing arnica and soothing lotions over himself. “*it does seem that there is some fatality attending every one.’ of pout! dis- coveries,”?) ‘*Do you think so?” ie else has attended : pat each® an all??”..* Boom was silent fora moment. That was rather a blunt way of putting it, but after all, was it'not true?” It was. With all his hopeful enthusiasm, he could not argue against the fact. “Well, Harriet, fortune has’ certainly been against us, in numerous instances, I must ad- mit. But we have an ‘undoubted chance to make all the money we want, after which we will go ‘to’ Europe for an extended tour,” said he. ; She smiled at this, and it Seemed as though the sun of hope was again penetrating the mists of distrust, driving ‘them 80 far away that |: they would neyer return again, And they slept that night the sleep of @ pair of justices, although Boom’s two eyes were bandaged, and several other portions of his! anatomy were swathed, so that, it made ‘him ‘somewhat unsteady in his. dreams, or, the areas rather,unsteady in their workings upon nim. When morning came, it found ‘much of their soreness and indignation gone; and hope radi- atedagain from, both their faees; although it didn't have avery fair chance to radiate square= ly from Boomt’s Has as it was still egrneyr oat swelled. : Several of the morning - papers contained quite extended accounts of the experiment With! Boom’s great’ intoxicating gas, written in a) very humorous vein, and probably creating as) extended a laugh as ever was gotten up by one article. Byerybody latched’ but Boom and his wife, and excepting, also, perhaps, the temperance men and women who had gone ‘to his house with their reputation for temperance in their: * | hands, for the sake of finding out, by actual ex- |: perience, whether the gas was superior to in- toxicating drinks.’ Come, tO think of it, I guess they did not in- dulge very extensively i in 1 laughing, since nearly ever! 'y one of them saw their names. in the ‘paper, together with a_ ‘description of their “insane ‘No, there couldn’t haye been: half a lauch among the whole lot. As for ‘Bulger Boom. he saw that these arti- | any other direction,” ‘cles and this laugh 1 that had been aroused would know his invention higher than Gilderoy’s kite, for it placed it on a plane even below that at dentistry, but this was useful only in getting up a cheap, crazy drunk. And:he was right about it to a certain ex- tent. Nobody regarded it as a great substitute for whisky, although many bought the secret of making it, just for curiosity. But in this way he realized several thousand dollars during the hext month, and concluded to feel satisfied. One thing will be observed in relation to Bulger Boom—he Somehow managed to pay ex- penses, or a little more, with nearly everything he touched in the way of speculation, and in the land business he’had made quite a snug little fortune on no capital’ at all.’ But, at the same'time, those colossal fortunes which he every now and then mapped out Jor himself and associates somehow ended in | SiR and not Nae an agreeable i incense at at. ~~ _ Perhaps on this account his soul kept on soaring, and his powerful brain continued to dwell upon some important discovery, which should yet. give hin wealth, and his name to posterity. © He had more leisure ~ now. than he formerly had, on. account of being more independent, and after. searching over the ‘field of invention, he finally made up , hig mind to tackle the science of navigating the air, and work it toa success- ful issue. After indulging in ‘stout cerebral discharges for. the space ‘ofa. month, he finally came to the conclusion, that he had. hit it—struck a cer- tainty, so to ‘speak. He drew plans, and made patterns, He had two orthree men at work with him in his back yard (for he still believed i in. back yards.as work- shops and fields for experiments) during the space of nearly a month, after which he dis- charged them, and played out’ the game alone. He did not wish to haye tiem learn too much respecting the great invention with which he was next’ to startle a waiting and impatient world. But during this time they had constructed for him something resembling. a, boat—or, rather, a little steam -boat, for,,in the place of paddle- wheels, he. arranged large.revolving fans, which were to be propelled bya crank in ‘the center of the shaft. He also had a rudder constructed on the prin- ciple of a, bird’s tail, placed at the stern of his boat to steer with. This was his flying machine so far, but he had reserved the greatest effort of his genius for the last, no one, however, knowing anything about what ‘that was to be but his wife, who watched him continually, and urged him along, evidently having just as much confidence i in him ag ever, “Do you see those gold-fish, Harriet?” he asked, pointing to a globe, “Yes, Bulger. Arn’t they pean al said she, fihocantte “‘No—no!” .. « Aren’t they?’ B “That isn’t what I am talking about, Har- riet,” said he, impatiently. Well, Bulger, dear, you know you are 80 much above me that it, could not be expected that I should. be able: to understand you AAS, | But what is it you Crh “dear?” + The. tish.” ac ‘Yes. ” . “The principle.” ‘Of cooking them?” : “No—nol”, ; , “Of catching them? i ; ‘‘No—no—no! The principle of the fish. Rs Mrs. Boom. was floundered. She never had suspected until now that fish: had principles, ‘Dut if her husband said so, that BShyea it. “« Took at the fish, Harriet!” ‘Yes, Bulger.” A See with what ease and ‘grace | it moves through the water, backward or forward, or in “Yes. Bulger.) 0) “That's the idea!” gue he, sninphaety: : ‘She had neyer thought of it before, but if he ‘Jeughing gas.” That was & useful article in said so, she was’ ready ‘to’ indorse dt
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BULGER BOOM. «Water is one element, air is another, but Something made to operate in the air as that fish ‘operates in the water would be sure ue be successful,” “That must be so, of course.” ««The fisk is provided with an an air-bladder which enables it to rise or fall in his element, and I shall attach the same to’ my flying machine.” «An air-bladder?” ; ‘No, not exactly that, but dorethtae that will serve the same purpose. In short, I shall attach a small balloon to my boat, with power enough to float it above houses and trees, and when once it is elevated, my revolving fans will earry it either forward or backward, and my tail will enable tiie to steer it wherever I like, See?” he asked, most enthusiastically. By Certainly, Bulger. Such a great triumph ofi|; ‘ingenuity must surely” succeed. - “Now you understand what I meant by’ fish?” “Ves, but it is impossible for me to follow you through the realms of science and art and fully understand ,you,..my dear. | You are so great, and I so small.” “Well, now to complete my invention | and Soar away through the cirecumambient air.’ ‘Oh, are: you going to soar, Bulger?” she ‘asked, going anxiously toward him. “TO be sure 1 am? ‘““No—no; you make the machine and let some other man do the soaring.” “NotI. Who but the inventor of such a machine should be the first to penetrate with it _the blue ethereal overhead, to look down in -deringly ask each other what. it is. triumph upon the menial, doubting world be- low?” “But gomethide might happen, and. you get killed, Bulger.” - # ‘Nonsense! Nothing can happen. I shall rise proudly out of our back yard, and most likely land on the other side of the North River, The people will gaze upward at me, and won- Ihave pre- pared to tell them.” “How, Bulger?” “T have prepared ten’ ‘thonsand little circu: “lars bearing this inscription: ‘“¢ Americans, you now behold soaring above “you Bulger Boom’s flying machine, containing _the inventor. Ts ita success?’ “These circulars I shall let go to the winds “after I have risen above the city, and, of course, _ the aforesaid wind will scatter them like snow- ‘flakes all over the town, and thus I shall aston- ish the world all of a sudden.”. ‘But had you not better wait until you are “sure, that it will work all right?” “Well, yes; but I will take them up with me so as to be all ready. You will watch me with the others and share my splendid success.” «Yes, Bulger,” but she sighed just a little as she said 80. - _ Boom, however, did not notice it, but with the forces of hope all at fullplay he again’ set to work upon his high-flier, It took fully a week to complete and get it ready for the first great experiment. ay Meantime his air-sbip had assumed ‘such queer. proportions and proportions so. large, that all of his neiehbors within sight’ spent nearly all of their time in watching him and _ trying to guess. what i in the world he * was build- ing. At ‘will be seen that Boom was quite fortunate mM securing back-vard audiences. But, as on other occasions, he took no notice of those who were watching him. His big brain was too deeply absorbed i in his work. Finally his balloon was completed, and after he had made arrangements with the gas com- pany. for 1ts inflation, he arranged a rubber hose leading from the gas-main in his house, and then” proceeded with his experiment. Slowly the balloon began to Swell ont! and show itself, and he was busy fastening at to his ~poat and getting everything it Yeadiness. to’ go Fi cared d a” palloon!” cried one! woman} leaning out, of her. window. and addressing shee neigh- bor. - v . ~ Noy balloons: don’t ave silica» THe “*Oh, them’s for goin’ over mountain-tops.” “ Hey, Jimmy! what i is it?” shouted one boy to another looking out of a window on the op- posite block. “Ttls a patent masheen for spreadin’ gravel on der roofs of houses,” replied the other. ‘No, it’s a toad-fish. ‘See it swell up!” said another. : : 3 ‘“‘Yes; he’s scratehin’ fourth;iand this created a laugh which caused Boom to look up and around him for the first time. great extent, and’ so, without making even a mental comment, he resumed his. work. Bigger and bigger g grew the globe of the bal- loon, until it finally lifted the” boat from’ the ground. ‘But it was ‘held ‘in position by an ‘anchoriine. and still the inflation went ‘on, while’ the excite- ment increased in the neighborhood, as did the speculations and comments. _ Now, then, Harriet, I’m oe ‘ond of” n said Boom, when all was ready. “Do be eareful, Bulger!” said she. “Why, of course I “shall. Just watch me,” said he, taking a seat in the ‘boat, which was the same as a Car to‘an-ordinary: balloon, “Oh; Bulger!” ‘she exclaimed, as ‘she saw him preparing to cut loose from the Jearth; “Tam afraid I shall never see you again alive!” “Nonsense! Don’t think” of such things! The' eyes of the world are upon’ me, and yours should be with them, most admiring of all.” “Yes, Bulger; but do-be careful,” said she. Slipping. the noose which held him to earth, the air-ship arose slowly about twenty feet, but did not seem inclined to go any higher... .:,.. A loud cheer went up from.the gamins, and dozens of ‘*‘Oh—oh’s” from the adult specta-. tors. ‘Good-bye, Harriet!” words, as he went upward. «Be careful, Bulger!” Bulger, when he found that he was not able were Boom’s to rise any higher, hegan to turn the wheels, or fans, with all his might. the houses cn either side. But the thing didn’t appear to work just as it should. The wheels revolved rapidly, for Boom was jumping right in with all his manual horse- power. It went ahead—yes, right straight ahead, and the boat rammed its ‘nosé'into a window of: the Opposite block, where’ two or three ‘spectators Be was not yet above were, smashing i in the sash and glass,’ and ereat- |’) ing the greatost excitement. ' Loud yells accompanied the performance, and then the unappreciative spectators got mad, and commenced to chuck bottles, bricks,” old boots; tomato-cans; and everything they could lay their hands on, at him. They ‘pushed his old apparatus out of their window, and cursedhim soundly amid. the shower of missiles, and away it went toward the other side of the block, which seemed destined to bound his ¢reat-experiment. But he worked away at. the crank in a bewil- dered sort of way, and ‘amid the shouts and jeers of the neighbors, he went with a bang anda crash into another window on the same’ side wit!) his own house. ? The excitement was terrible. i) ‘Be careful, Bulger!” shouted his’ wife: but, a shower. of odds’ and. ends; and a volley of curses, sent him back again into the space over- hanging the back yards, Boom worked the fans, and he worked the rudders, but the best he scould dowas to go backward and forward between the two blocks; sometimes smashing windows, and oftener get- ting smashed himself by. showers of coal. and other ar ticles, while the yells and curses, added to his other terrors, fairly; made his. hair stand on end. _ Once more he tried to work the old thing us CHAPTER: VIL. : Yus, Bulgér Boom tried to get his flying-ma- chine up ‘once more. “He worked it for: all it was ii worth. ‘Thns: far it had: 100: been: wholly a success; that is, his ae greqt experiment with it.’ its belly,” cried a |: But he never noticed ordinary poopie to any. last He had bumped first one way and then the other between the rows of houses, not able to rise ‘above them; and while being cursed and pelted with all sorts'of things by the indignant neighbors whose windows’ he had smashed in with his air-ship,’ he was ‘working like a beaver with crank’ and rudder to get his: machine to behaving itself. But it acted’ more like an old army mule than like a respectable flyiig-machine, and was rais- ing the very deuce generally. ‘And. the laughter, the shouts and impreca- tions’ which were hurled’at iim from a insane throats! Whew! it was dreadful. Backward ‘and’ forward he worked the ma- chine, smashing windows and inviting more mis- siles, but still he could not get it to rise so that he could work his way out of the neighborhood. Finally he managed to get ‘it into a state “of quietude about half-way’ between the two blocks, and’ then’ applying himself to the’crank’ with’ ath the force he had left, he began to forge ahead. Slowly, but surely; he was making heatlway, but“the exhibition was not’ an entire success even then; for the gas was beginning’ to'e0ze out “of the’ balloon, ‘and’ the ‘apparatus’ '¢om- menced'to setitlé towards ‘the earth, still accom paniéd by shouts and howls of derision. Every now and then the voice of his admiring and trusting wife could be heard) urging him to be careful, for she' evidently believed that there ‘were more brains balanced between heaven and earth than gas had ever risen ‘Nefore, sue of course she was anxious.” ‘Shoot him!” shouted somebody. ‘«Yes—yes!” was the response. “Bust the old bulb and let him Bowalt ‘and a dozen other’cries greeted him on all sides: But the idea of shooting him, or,at least of shooting the old flying-machine, Seemed to meet the popular feeling more than half-way, and the response was at leasta dozen puCts, all aimed ‘at'Boom’s balloon. They riddled it, and two or three of the shots fooled around in dangerous iets to at anatomy." It seemed to be fun for everybody possessing, a loaded “pistol; in fact, fun for’ everybody bat the great inventor, Bulger. Boom. —} A dozen holes in a balloon is apt to make it leak—leak ‘gas; ‘and when the gas goes out ofa balloon; it iv apt to settle, so’ to speak. f Bulger Boom felt that everything was against him, In fact, he felt thatif he es SAE ahs his life he would be doing well. “Stop it!’ he yelled, ‘Jooking! first to one side and then to the other, as he dodged this way and that most excitedly. - : ‘Shoot bim!”, was the) ery, and all the while he kept. dodging andi shouting for them: to stop their target ‘practice. But the bullets did the business all the same, and, as) hefore stated, the balloon began to settle, Boom worked. the paddle-wheels with all his might and main, for-he saw.that:roin and prob- able disaster awaited-him if he fell in any of the neighbors’ yards. ' » Dogs began to bark in several. directions, ~ Gradually the great scientific experinient set- tled towards the earth iu spite of all the inventor conld do to keep it afloat. —~ f Loud yells greeted him. from nearly. every window, and an Oceasional pistol-shot made the bulbous part of his oes resemblé a sive more than eyer. : But at length down it came, landing i ina hack yard, some eight, or, ten houses away from. his own, and it didn't come down like a feather, either. On the contrary, it came down with a thug anda crash, and Boom was spilled out upon the ground,’ somewhat rudely—somewhat “pro- miscuously. » But that was not the Worst of it, even, The fall and the misfortune was bad enough, good- ness knows, but, as before peaked that was not | | the worst of it. In that pack yard ‘there lived a $02, as _ Sharp oftooth and. trim of tog. 4) (+ - Yea, there: chanced to be a dog in that ‘Par tictlar back'yard, and he was'on duty. oc was On picket-duty, you might say,
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“ a ris Iie regarded. Boom as: an intruder, and; he went, for;Boom....: 14 Boom turned over two, or, three. times before he recoyered his equilibrium, bat; just as he was about to regain, au upright position, that dog, of the species bull, fastened upon the seat of: his trousers, taking in considerable meat with the cloth. Boom howled, but the dog never said a word. He. was attending to. business. Boom objected to that business, and a lively tussle took. place between them... Science was; dropped on jboth, sides, and a commonplace rough-and-tumble was in order, The spectators yelled like loons, and encour- aged the,dog to do, his level, best. "AS for the flying-machine, it lay a wreck in that neighbor’ 3 back yard, one end of it resting on 2, partition fence and the other one on the ground. .,The balloon portion of it had flapped, | caved, collapsed, and had fallen to one side, limp as a rag. It was a pretty bad . wreck, but. the contest between Boom and, the bull- dog was twice as interesting. Finally, however, the owner, of the dog, came to thereseue, while the shouts continued. Then he went for the biped and asked him in thundering tones what he was doing, there, anid what his dificulty, was with the quadruped. The small boys in the neighborhood, and those | ¢. who were watching the show, did all ‘they could to haye the fun continue, But that part of it was all over. Boom rubbed his lacerated parts and looked at his savior. “What. are you doing here, anyway?”. asked _ the man, holding the dog by the collar and. 1o0k +know. who, you are.” ing at poor Bulger Boom. : ‘*t—I met with an accident, sir.’ ‘Well, it does look a little, ‘that i ah ‘*My great machine——” y eee Seems He as pealys brokon up, ag you do y Ibis: a flying-machine, sir,” *“‘Ohlit is, eh? I thought it was an alighting machine,” replied.the landlord. ior _ Well, ah, that isto say—but do. you know whoIam? Please keep, that dog: ONDT, from me?” .* « f+Be quiet, Manson,’ ” said the owner, address- ing the jdog, angrily. - ‘No, really, L, do not “Tam Bulger Boom!” “Bulger Boom! ‘Who is he?” Bisshy fancy he is known as a great rrrentee Bnd speculator.” y “Well, what is the matter with you,’ api Wwayt What are you doing in’ my back yard? ‘Where did you come’ from, and what are you doing a a i “T was trying a'great experimen bP siOhi eth aac she ‘And this wreck; which - encumbers my back yard, is your exDerancnt is itY’ and the man smiled.’ ' “It is a flying-machine; but in this experi- ment, everything i is against mo, for some reason or other. Ms ‘ i “And in experimenting you appear to be liable to make yourself a nuisance!” “What, sir? A nuisance, sir?” said Boom, savagely. ‘Well, weigh it up about that way.” eee wish to fight,” said Boom. “ Fight?” «* Yes, sir, fight,” Boom reiterated! «Weil, tackle the dog. «*No, air, you Hateunaeetend me; I wish to fight against the treatment I have this day re- _ ceived from my neighbors.’ ie - Oh, you do, eh?” st Yes, sir, I most eutadly do. ” ‘« Hold on to that man, wil you, until IT get a policeman,” yelled 2 man whose head was pro- truded from one of the windows that Boom had smashed in. “Here! come over here and pay for this win- dow!” yelled somebody on the. other side of the diock. ; CCIE have ‘been most’ shamefully abused, sir, —" ut howd gay. a0,” said the, ‘man, Jooking the gZreat scientist, oyer and laughing, while the dog BULGER BOOM. continued to.smell around his shins, and, keep |. up a growl as though not half satisfied with his part. of the fun. ‘*But you see, my dear, that I hadn’t got things working properly.” “Bat you should haye done so before you at- “T have been shot at, sir; I haye been ‘as- tempted to tly.” saulted by all sorts of missiles while trying to get my machine up into the open air. palloon is riddled with bullets, and ruined.” “Sure you didn't catch any of them your-| boat, eime.”” self?” «JT think not,?? replied Boom; as he thought- fully felt himself over. Meantime, the people were shouting all sorts of things at him, or laughing, over the strange result of his great experiment. “Well, Mr. Bulger Boom,’ will you now’ have. the kindness to pay damages: and move out of my back yard?” “Certainly, just as quickly as possible, for I am anxious to repair damages and renew ‘my experiment with the air-ship.” “All right; butihave; you got your. life well insured?” “No; why?” “J would if I was in your place.” “ Oh, there is;no danger.” ‘There isn’t, eh?’ I beg pardon, to.me that there is just a little.” ‘Not the least, I assure you.” ‘+ And another thing. I would advise you to go out on a Western ‘prairie to ry any future experiments with your machine.” ‘¢ But, my dear sir, you must remember that this was only my first experiment, and that it was purely an accident that prevented it’ from being a successful one.” “Yes, my dear ‘sir; but the recurrence of such accidents while a person was up a few hundred feet in the air might result in an un- comfortable drop.” »* Ah, but what you want is to wait until you see the machine perfected.” ~°' Nothing of the kind, sir. What I want i is to see you take it out of my yard.” ‘‘ Certainly—certainly, «But after I have per- fected it I shall forma stock company for the manufacture of these wonders, and then I will come around and see you. . “What for?”,, _ ‘To sell you some, stock.” ‘No, don’t. trouble yourself.” “Not the slightest trouble in the World. It will; bea: great speculation.: .Therewill be money, in it, and,I. am always/ready, to have my neighbors .get.in, ona good thing,” ”; Replied Boom, cheerfully. . ‘All right; butjif, you “want tc..do.a, -good thing for me, please get, your darned old boat out.of my flower-bed.” . “Oh, certainly. Please chain, up that dor Mi “pit keep; him away, from .you,” Feplien, the man, laughing. Boom ‘was as badly ‘broken ‘up as his ging! machine was, but he began to take the thing apart, So as to get it through the door and out upon the street. But while all this was going on Mrs. Boom was wildly pulling the door-bells of the differ- ent houses in the’ block, and: anxiously inquir- ‘ing if her poor dear Bulger had fallen into their back yard. Finally, however, she saw ist emer; gig from the house where his experiment had ended, and she hastily ran to him. ** Are you hurt, Bulger?” she asked. “«Yes; I’m all broken to pieces;” said he, as he deposited the wreck of his air-ship Ape the sidewalk. ‘“Where are they?” “Who?” “Why, the—the pieces.” “Nonsense! I only used that term fignra- tively, but I met with an accident.” ' T‘should say that you had,” she replied, looking at him from head to foot. ‘‘Help me take the boat home,” he said, taking hold of one end of it. ‘“This is dreadful business,” ‘Bat didn’t you see me go up?” “Yes, and I saw vomice come down.” “Did you"see me go ahead?” “Yes, and g0 backwards,” said ae with some bitterness. i It seems My ; stand that Iwas new to the business, “Well, true; perhaps, but you must. under- The bal- loon is not quite large enough to carry up the However, I shall remedy that the next “Next time!’ she exclaimed. 5 Yes. wit was a grand success so far as it went Hine ‘* A success, at. alighting, a ‘And demonstrated the practicability of my invention beyonda doubt. Ishall make a great and glorious success of it, mark me.’ **T should say you had marked yourself, » said she, as they finally. got the apparatus into the house, and out into the back yard again. ‘Never mind, Harriet. I shall inake a for- tune out of this thing yet. A bad beginning argues well for a good ending.” * re Well, if there is any truth in that saying, you « ought to come out allricht. Butif you are going to keep on at this sort of thing I shall in- sist upon it that you must get your life insured,” said she. “* Do you mean it?” “*T certainly do.” “All right; Pll insure it fer fifty Ereueand dollars, soif I get killed I shall leave you one of the richest widows i in New York.” “T wouldn’t experiment with this idea any more if I were you.” ‘“Oh, it would never do to drop the thing at this stage of the business. No—no; I can see with an‘ eye that is almost prophetic ‘that the greatess triumph of my life is near fruition.’ Ah, what is that ?” he added, as the door-bell was pulled violently. Mrs. Boom went wonderingly to the door, and on opening it she was confronted by about a dozen*men, women, and children, while half a hundred others were congregated esoutE in front of the house. “Ts ‘this the house where the man has an air. ship ?” demanded one of them. |: ' «‘ Yes,” she replied, hesitatinely. “That settles it! Come along,” said fe turn- ing to the others. . With wild whoops and angry shouts they crowded past her and rushed into the house. ~ They,loudly demanded Bulger Boom, but hear- ‘ing them and fearing pérsonal’ harm’ at their hands, he darted into a closet. . But they found him, after | stare ching the house High’ and low.saes tye) vere 9 Coed Oe eater eats They , yelled like Indians. They’ pulled him out into the back yard, and pointed to the ruin he had wrought, and loudly demanded satisfac- tion. “Certainly—certainly. 1’ll pay for every cent of damage I haye done,” said he, nervously. ~ “Then come down!” shouted several. “‘T’]l send carpenters and glaziers at once and. haye damages repaired. I ain very sorry that the accidents occurred, but the machina got out of my control. I'll see that everything is made jnst as good as new again,” said h gently hinting at an evacuation of his ‘prem. ises, “Well, that’s just what you had better do over to my house, or I'll lock you up,” said the ringleader, savagely. And he was separately cautioned by one and all, and by half a dozen who had sustained’ no injury at all, after which they slowly filed outol the house, and once more Bloom and his wife were left alone together. “Heavens! what a mob!” said his wife, heaving a sigh after the last one had vanished. “You may well say mob. I thought they were going to kill me,” said he. «They have nearly Tuined everything in the house,” said she, bursting into tears. Poor Boom! ~ It nearly broke his heart to witness her over: flow, and of course he tried to soothe her the best he could, although he never experienced such, bad luck i in. doing so. She was mad. ce | through. “J will not stand it, Bulger Boom!" she finally exclaimed, with sudden. pnetey. ;
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“What? Stand what, Harriet?” he asked, (ooking at her in surprise. ay ‘This nonsense?” : : ‘Why, I do not understand you, Harriet.” *¢ Just look at what you have done,” «But it was only an accident.” : ‘¢Well, accidents are continually happening to us on account of your experiments. Why not get a shop somewhere away from here? I am tired and sick of it altogether.” y ‘Why, Harriet!” he exclaimed, looking at ner in blank astonishment. “Yes; I am tired and sick of the whole thing, for something is forever happening. See what it will cost to repair damages in this in- stance.” 4 : “Oh, not so very much.” ‘At least a hundred dollars.” ‘Well, that is nothing.” “Indeed! And think of all the damage that your experiments have: occasioned. .Why, if we only had that money back again we should be independent of the world.” ‘And so we are now, Harriet. But don’t you know that all great inventions haye. been accompanied by such accidents during. their incubation? Of course they are.” } ‘But. what great inventiens have, ever. bee incubated under your genius?” ‘““Why, Harriet!’ The fact is, Boom was astonished; for he had never heard her talk that way before. On the contrary, she had always tbeen’ his good right bower and beautiful encourager. ‘Butishe was gradualty arriving at the conclu- sion that her husband was not such a wonder: fully great’ man-after all, or atall events, that he was not ‘practical enough for any great achievement. Bf AO \ ‘‘Oh, I know you are vexed, Harriet, but never mind. It will come out all right.” : “Yes, after we are ruined again. “Why not drop experiments and inventions and stick to your legitimate business?” ‘But this is invention and speculation com- bined, and you will yet live to’ see men sailing through the air with all the ease and grace of a sea-gcull, and with my invention.” , ‘Well, if they do so with as much ease and grace as you did just now, it will be a sight worth living for, certainly,” said ‘she, sneering- ly, and then she went to repair, if possible, the damage that had been done by the visiting mob.” : ‘Boom made no reply, and while getting him- self into shape, so as to take measures for the repair of the damages which he had inflicted on his indignant neighbors, he could but wonder at the change that had come over his wife. __ But he had no notion of giving up his. back- yard experiments or the great future that he believed to be before him, in connection with that great flying ship. meanrrer ss He was bound to sueceed now, if only to con- vince his wife that she was mistaken in him, and that she was the weaker vessel. So at it he went again... : - Repairing the wreck of his boat, he proceed- ed to make another balloon with greater lifting powers, while the neighbors watched him day by day, and outside boys paid an admission fee to more fortunate fellows who lived where they could overlook the scene of operations, expect- - ing,every day to see another exhibition.; . It took him about a week to get. ready for his second trial, and-one day those who were so eagerly watching the performances saw, the top ofthe balloon beginto gradually enlarge as the gas was let into it, and excitement grew apace., “That lunatic is going to try it,again!”, was the word that was pessed from window to:win- \ dow, between the lookers on. . «Pity he wouldn’t break his neck!” ) ‘*Get yer rotten apples and, pistols ready!” yelled: one young fellow, pwho had: evidently taken part in the other experiment. ; ~ Boom heard this last remark, and looked up. at the enthusiastic young rascal, “Tf you throw anything at me, I will have you arrested, sir!” said he, shaking. his’ fist at «Qh, go shoot yourself!” shouted somebody. { BULGER BOOM. _ ‘Hurry up! We want (ter haye some fun] began to spread all over the city as attention with yer!” yelled another. : / ‘Bust his ole bladder when he goes up your way, Jimmy!” cried another one of the young fellows, hailing his friend across the way. ‘« Yeu bet I will!” was the reply. “I got ten termater cans, Bobby!” shouted another enthusiastic youth. i ‘“«T got some ole bottles!” “T got four brickbats, an’ I’m goin’ up.on ther roof, so as ter catch him on ther rise.” Boom listened to all this with nervous wrath. The rascals evidently meant every word. they said, possibly believing that it was legitimate TU eee t _ And Boom objected to it. Here he was, on the. eve of astonishing the world, and there stood his enemies, ready to knock his astonisher the very moment it began to work upward, Putting on his coat and hat, lie went to the police-station, stated the case, and asked for protection. ; One pair of aces of clubs were dealt to him, and the moment they entered Boom’s back yard, they were received with laughter and chaftter, , 7 t | The boys were as mad_ as hornets, because the cops had come to spoil their fun. “Tf Isee one ef you ‘throw anything, or in any way molest this man, I'll send you to the Island for a*yéear!” howled one of the officers. And then they came in’ for all sorts of real nice compliments, and two more abused and guyed policemen never cracked a skull. P But they assured Boom that he was.all right now—that they would protect him so that the experiment could proceed. Sey ed , Boom took heart and a couple of bags of sand for ballast. : r By this time the balloon globe was full, and in a few moments everything was ready, and the great inventor tock a seat in his boat, or what represented a basket to a simple balloon. Amid the yells and jeers, Mrs. Boom could not make herself heard when. she told him that she “had taken out an accident policy for ten thousand dollars,'on account of what he was about to undertake. ; Of course, under these circumstances, she did not urge him so earnestly to take such good care of himself as she had told him to do on the previous occasion. : ‘Good-bye, Harriet,” said he, as he cut the cord which held him to earth and shot up into | the air. ‘siftes Bilt] A loud shout: accompanied him, but he rose so rapidly that little or no damage could haye been inflicted on him, even had the boys been allowed their own sweet will. Rising quickly to an altitude of about a thousand feet, Boom began his experiments. Seizing the: crank, he started the fans. ship moyed slowly ahead, but it soon became eyident to the thousands who were. bending ever backwards while looking at him, that the rudder didn’t work so much like a bird’s tail as it did like something that didn’t amount to imich. . Then he ‘concluded that he had too much ballast with him, and that perhaps the concern would do better if.it could only get up higher where the air was a trifle thinner, so he threw. out one of the bags of sand.’ *. . L But in his excitement he forgot all about opening the bag and allowing the sand to escape in a& harmless’ stream, instead of which’ he. chucked it overboard just as it was. It was good sand, and weighed just about ten’ pounds. ‘It didn’t float off upon the air to ‘any et ah but! it floated through it in its ownward Course, and also floated through the roof of a house, making considerable noise and a hole straight through the roof. ; Some wag said he had. dropped his poeket- book, but it wasn’t so. The only correct ver- sion of the affair is to be found in this unim- peachable narration. It was that sand-bag. “Ten pounds of sand are quite as heavy as a ten pound paving-stone when confined in a Stout canvas bag. At all events, ten pounds of iron fired from a rifled cannon could not haye made a prettier hole or created any more ex- citement, in that house. In fact, excitement |rapidly away toward The was called to what was going-on. . But the instant the balloon was relieved of that ballast, it shot up nearly a thousand feet. more, striking another currené of air, which bore it.rapidly away towards New Jersey. : Those who had spy-glasses could see Boom hard at work with his wings and tail, although | he made scarcely any headway. But he was going before the wind yery nicely. But where the diekens would that wind be likely to take him? ee _Mrs. Boom watched him as he receded from sight, and clung to that insurance policy. She had Jost patience with her flighty hus- band;, but. she did not propose to lose that policy. )....4, 4A ei ante ‘If his policy was a foolish one, hers was not. But Jet us keep an eye on Boom, for it was impossible just then to feel his pulse, orsee how he enjoyed his elevation generally.. The balloon swept away to the west, keeping about the same altitude, but.it was, evident that he had little or no control over it, and it was fast going out of sight, having already crossed. wie North River, and seemed now to be settline away down in, the west: beyond Jersey aver mt ine i ; CHAPTER VIII. We ‘left Bulger Boom about two thousand feet up in the air, sailing over Jersey City in his newly-invented ‘air-ship of which he ‘had ex- pected so much, and from which he had dropped a ten pound sand-bag whieli fell upon a house below, making a hole’ clear’ through to the cellar. BES avant TEN His friends, and his anxious wife, ‘especially, watched him until he faded in the distan¢e, and then'’wondered where the deuce he had gone, anyhow, and if lie would ever drop. t But thebest thing the author and the reader can do is to leave these people to their watch- ings and their speculations, and follow the great-inventor, Bulger Boom, in his flight for ame.) ‘ It will. be remenibered that he took up twe bags of sand with him for ballast, one of which enabled him, when: it left the car, to bob! up about a thousand feet higher than he then was, when he struck a-current of air'which bore him the land of snakes and ‘ mosquitoes. dyes jrs } During the first few miles of this involuntary flight he worked;with his revolving fans, tryin his best to stem the current and to get aroun with his head to the wind, for the purpose - of demonstrating to the gapmg world: below the entire practicability of his’ marvelous inven- tion. Beaches ! ia But the current of wind from the east had the best.of him all the time;! and, in fact, it ‘actual- — ly seemed as though the faster he turned’his re: volving fans, the faster he went in an opposite direction. piety f Somehow he didn’t: seem to. think of trying the experiment of turning the ‘fans ‘sons to send him ahead;!and so long as it was Bulger Boom, there is nolknowing but that this might haye reversed the business.’ ! Of} io Butigreat minds cannot think of everything. | ' Finally, finding that his revolving fans would = not send it forward er back, and’ finding’ that the rudder didn’t work a bit like:a bird’s tail, Boom -became temporarily discouraged, and’: fell back-sullenly into the boat. : Then for the first timerhe glanced at: the dim _ world beneath him.» « I : i °‘* Heavens and earth!” Slightly more heavens: than earth; but thut was what. he ‘exclaimed, as he came to the conclusion: that! fate was’ against him too strong to buck against when © _| working in connection with a good square east wind. fie i a i So he sat down despondingly, and’ of course wondered What he had Jeft undone, and what™ overdone. | fe BY BOL VTE | Meantime: his air-ship was skipping. througt’ the blue ethereal space, and:he was unable tc’ control it in any particular. : = © : ag | What was to be, done?...., ©. 54) 0 14? ‘He was actually adrift in the upper. air, los. in space. . lt: wouldn’t.do to throw -out tha.
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to BULGER BOOM. ~ other bag of sand, for that would only take him up higher: and further from home than ever. But now that he was up, and it was seem- ingly impossible for him to get down, he began’ to see wherein he had made a mistake: he had provided no valve in the crown of the’ batloon, wherewith to settle down calmly, and ready ‘also in aly emergency. No; he was up high in ethereal space, and there he had got to remain evidently until something happened i in the shape of a collapse, or he must purposely puncture the huge blad- der above him in order to descend: Meanwhile, he was drifting away to the west- ward at an alarming rate. New York had al- ready faded from his sight, as had Jersey City, but still he was unable to control his ship, and began to despair more than’ ever. Neither the revolving fans nor the rudder worked against the Wind with any greater eflect than a niosquito would have had against it. Night was coming on, and where was he? Already the sliadows were gathering below him and shutting out the landscape. “This will never do)”. he muttered. manage to reach terra firma somehow. Con- found) my luck! My great invention don’t turn out to be much after. all,” ‘and taking out his pocket-knife he ripped a hole in the side of the balloon from. which the gas escaped with a say- age hiss. And, then he wished that he could escape himself, for the smell of New York gas reminds one of anything but a bouquet of. tube-roses, and he. was nearly choked by it. But he began steadily to settle and to lose his headlong ve elocity as he neared the earth. And yet he was not happy, for the nearer he got to the soil from whence he sprung, the darker it became, until at length he could scarcely dis- tinguish one object from} another, although he felt certain that there was_a forest beneath im. He (presently felt certain that there was at least one tree near by, for his air-ship plunged into it and lodged completely in the branches, while the collapsed gas-bag flapped around and sent forth its stinks! in greater quantities than ever. There he was, lodged on the top of. a tree, where he knew not, with darkness around him so intense that he could scarcely see his’ hand before him. :; He grasped a limb of the tree and held on like grim death, while he tied to make’ out his loeality.: ‘This, however, he conld not do: He only told by the sense of feeling that» he was in a tree-top and surrounded by a dark forest. There appeared |to>be! no other way for him but’ to accept thy situation and: remain where: Re was all night. > Heh had just settled himself. to this when a big owl on a neighboring limb set up a dreadful hooting, and \ what: little hair the old man had on, his head stood erect; his spectacles dropped,’ and_his ‘teeth chattered: like lively castanets. “¢ Wa--wa+-what was that, I: wonder?! Oh— oh!? he moaned, and the big drops of perspira- tion began to trickle’ down over his face and to run, down his spinal column in rivulets. It was a terrible situation, and-every time he got a trifle composed, that*confounded” owl started his old. basson and:made: the’ sweat ooze out of every pore-he had‘ in’ his ‘person. »- He clung: to» the. limb and:waited;° but the wait was to be a long one (atleast ten hours there in the darkness), and what should he do? How should ‘he* pass those ‘dreary hours? Dare‘he trust himself to: sleep? Was the boat so securely lodged that. it would not slip away? These were blood-curdling conundrums which he scarcely dared trust himself to answer. So he clung to that limb;:and inhaled: the es- caping gas, and it wasn’t laughing fas either;: “*T must while every now and then, as sou punctu-} ating his: gloomy reflections, the owl:did' to the ' moon complain, or,'most likely; en complained because there was no’moow:. And so the night wore on, while’ he ‘nid No means of knowing the'time—he could only feel ee Aes was decidedly slow time; and seu he did’ not daré to move for fear of ‘falling, how far down he did not know, But as near as he could guess it was now about ten o’clock, and as the’ owl hooted on an average of once every ten minutes, he could form some sort of a guess regarding how the time was passing. And yet what a terrible situation it was for a person to bein! Just think ofit! ‘Bulger Boom thought of it, and his ideas ex- actly coincided with the writer's. But there he was, and there’s no use cf fool- ing with him or his situation, and as we have seen about all there is to see, let us leave him and the owl, and skip away to daylight. Boom was awake when the first streak shot up the east, and he hailed it with delight. Streak followed ‘streak, until it finally became light enough for him to get. his bearings, or at least to see that heand his great invention were wrecked in the top of a tall” tree that stood in the midst of a dense forest, and not a ‘gleam of hope or civilization could he catch, look where he would. And it does not require a great stretch of the imagination to understand that Boom felt un- happy—that he felt sick. As soon as he could do so, he began to take a look at himself and his air-sbip. So fas as he was concerned, he was compara- tively unharmed, although his nervous system was badly shattered, and he trembled very much. But his ship was indeed badly stranded, and decidedly ‘high and dry,” being firmly wedged into the crotch of the tree in such a way as to utterly preclude the possibility of its being ex- tricated, and both the fan-wheels and the rud- der were so badly smashed that they retained little resemblance to what they were when in working order. Te inventor’s Heats was nearly broken as he sat there in his ruined boat and contemplated tke situation. That wreck would have to re- main where it was in spite of all he could do. But he had no idea of remaining in the top of the tree himself if he could manage to reach the ground, nearly a hundred feet beneath him. By this time he could see where the stn’ was about to rise,'and knew of course that ‘the’ east was somewhere in that direction, and that ifhe went in that direction, he would eventually strike New York or its neighborhood, and’so he began to make preparations for descent: “ This, howeyer, did not prove an easy task, for the tree was large and tall, and there were only a few limbs beneath him. So if he’ got down at‘all, he would have to “shin” it, or in. other words, go down bear fashion. But cautiously he began the task, clinging to, the, trunk’ for dear life, “and as the trunk grew latger towards the ‘bottom, he'soon found him- self inable to reach anywhere near around it, and this of coursé made the difficulty of holding on; ashe slowly worked his’ way down, all the greater, to say. nothing of the sharp knots and rough bark: But he finally reached the ground, badly torn and trembling with excitement, finding himself in a dense forest, dark and damp, and such por- tions of his clothes aS Were not torn were 80 be- siiéared with pine’ pitch that he could scarcely get one leg past the other when he. attempted to walk. He sighed, and almost wished that he was dead, for look, which way he would he could see no rath leading anywhere. Looking up into, the tree, he cast. one; last, long, lingering. look at his wrecked cair-ship that had cost him so muck labor and anxiety, and which, he fondly hoped would bring fame and fortune, and, setting his face to the east, he started to work his sway out of the forest, leay- ing “his great invention’ to rot and awaken speculation as to what it could possibly be'if anybody should happen’ to: discover ite. He’ walked for an hour or-more, when he got out of the woods into an opening, but still there appeared to be no signs of habitation. “fe sun was up and doing business ‘of 4 very warm nature, and Boom sat down to rest and contemplate the situation. ‘This was worse than’ sliding down- hill ‘and - walking back, even if he did not have to drag a sled. He -was obliged to‘ dra¢ himself, and through a decidedly rough road, too. He groaned as he thouglit of it But after resting for awhile, and making up his mind which way he had best go, he star ted once more toward home, as he thought. He had to cross a bog in order to reach an elevation from which he felt certain that he could see his way out. But in doing this he ‘«yyut his foot into it,” or rather both. feet, for he stepped upon a tuft of grass and went down into a mity clay nearly to: his knees: And there he stick, unable to extricate him- self, or atleast) to” do so Without leaving his boots behind. Here was a situation for a great inventor and speculator! “NO one being within sight or hearing, he felt that he’ might perish there, and, of course, he was far from liappy. After trying to lift first one foot and then the other out, ‘he tivally reached own, and with his hands bes un to dig away the clay from around his pedal « extremities. In doitig this he was struck with the remark- able fineness and color of the chiy. He held it in his hand, and worked it over, It was of the consistency of soft putty, and about the same color, and nearly the same weight. If he knew enough to last over night, he had 3 struck @ vig thing. “« First-class potters’ clay; in fact, porcelain clay of the finest; quality., Here is!a fortune, and Iam up to my knees: in it!” said he. » 42?» take some of it home with:me, and-submit: it to experts,” working away with. both bands in order to make sure of getting home at all. But he finally got out; after taking about ten pounds of it Which he’ did up in “a handker- chief, he proceeded to explore the mine wo order to get some idea of its extent. There was a tract of it containing several acres, and with a bounding heart he began to take a few scientific observations which would enable him to return to it again. “Tf this turns out as valuable as 1 think it will, there are millions in it, and I shall never regret after all that that my ‘ait-ship landed me in this out-of-the-way place.” Taking his handkerchief bundle in his hand, he started towards the elevation by.a round- about way, as happy as eyer, almost. Finally he struck a turnpike, and eontinuing on towards the east he camein sight of a farm- house, where he. =ssolved to get some breakfast, for he was as hungry as oa buzz saw. y But he reckoned without his host this time, or rather, the host refused to reckon with him, although she reckoned he was a tramp, and told” him so. She ‘al80: ‘told’ him that if he didn’t move on shé would unchain the dog’ 5 Boom attempted to convince the. woman that. he was no tramp; but/ippearances: were against him by a large majority,and ‘seeing how anxious the dog was to take part°in the ‘argument, he concluded'to move onto the next house. But here he fared*no: better, for ‘the farmer had been pestered by tramps, and covering him with a’ shot-gun, he: ordered him to move on or he would give him‘an éxtra (load of shot) to take along with him, ‘Poor Boom! was there ever at man in such luck as he was?) ‘He was indignant, however, by this time, and’ when he finally reached’ Jersey City; ‘he made for the nearest saloon | he’ could find; but: even there he was regarded with suspicion.” | **No cold victuals!” yelled ‘the Keeper, as Boom ‘entered the door. ‘Well, confound you! I don’t want! any cold victuals; I want some hot,” replied’ Boom.” «Got any money?” ‘* Of course! I’ have.” «Lemme see it.” _ «What do: you take me for?” “Tramp. ’ Lemme see your rhino. », “© WellpI hope’you are impudent enough.” “« Show your! dust, or out you go. Can't’ play ity any of them old rackets on me.” Boom. pulled out a roll of bills. ¥ “ANY who'd ye strike?” “None of your business, sir! am a 8 etl t man, sir!” _ ae re Ob; ‘you ‘are? ‘
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SS + * And I want something to eat.” ‘cAll right. What’ll you have?” ‘A sirloin steak and cup of tea,” ‘* All right; that will be sixty cents,” said the landlord, holding out his hand, 4 ‘What! are you’ afraid to trust me until I have eaten my food?” demanded Boom. ‘*Money down, or no grub here. ' I/have lots - of experience with such customers’ as you are.’” 5 “Sir, | would have you understand that I am a gentleman of wealth and reputation.” ‘«T dare say, but I have had a deal of trouble With just such wealthy men as you are.” ‘* Sir, I am astonished.” “No need to be. I’ve been doing this very thing now for a yearor two. Come down.” Poor Boom! There was no alternative ap- parently, and rather than! go further without eating something, he concluded to pay. Itiwas late in: the’ afternoon when ‘he once more reached his house to re-assure his anxious wife, who was already thinking how she would look in black, and ‘wondering if the insurance company would pay promptly. : But she would not have felt much worse if he had been brought home to her a decenit-looking corpse. In fact, he could not have looked much worse than he did in any event. “Tt is a wonder| that you ever returned at all,” said she, after she had listened to his ex- planations. ‘*So it is, Harriet; ‘so it is. Not one man in a thousand could go through with what I have and escape alive.” ‘« And so your air-ship is a failure?” ‘Well, not so in principle, although so in fact. But I feel certain that I was reserved for greater achievements, Harriet.” “Nonsense, Bulger,” said she, turning away. ‘Nonsense! why do you say that?” “Tam tired of hearing about the wonderful achievements you are going to make. I'don’t take‘any more stock in them, Bulger,” said she; laughing a little, but not very heartily. ‘But you don’t understand me. struck it, Harriet.” «Struck what—the top of a pinetree? Well, Ishould say you had by the’ looks of your clothes.” Boom gazed at himself a moment. ; ‘“Go and change your clothes, for Heaven’s sake.” t i “But let me:tell you about my find,” ‘. ‘* Because you had no business to form a com- , pany, and ‘1 thinkit was only your own’ vanity which made you doit. ' / «Vanity! Bulger Boom vain?” © i “Yes, otherwise you would have carried on “ the business alone as you beganit. Who ever heard of such a foolish thing?” Aska ; ‘«But I supposed them to be honest men.” ‘You had no business to. suppose them to be anything of the kind. You did not. know them.” ' “But they put in their money.” ? ‘Which you did not need, and the brains ‘which you déd@ need they kept themselves, and where are you now?” she asked. ~ Oh, I’m all right.” » ‘Yes, in your way.” f “But Iam at least five thousand better off, Harriet.” “Yes, and you might have had a hundred thousand, which would haye made us inde- pendent for the remainder of our lives. I told you not to form the company,” she protested. “True, but think how much better it sounds to have a company than for an enterprise to be carried on by a Single individual.” ‘‘Sounds! You care too much for sounds and show, and Tam gradually becoming disgusted at——” ; ; ‘With me, Harriet?” he asked, eagerly. ‘‘ With your weaknesses. Who ever heard of such a foolish transaction?” 1 a ** But haven't you noticed that misfortune to me is simply a change?” ; “Indeed I have.” fede f “*So it will be in this case. Ihave been most outrageously treated, but this will give me an dollars she, as he. | that she had got enough. opportunity for study, I shall presently hit upon something else,” ‘s ‘*But you will never haye such a good thing to lose again, that I feel sure of.” , ; “Harriet, you have changed towards me; only think how enthusiastic you used to be at any of my attempts.” “Yes; but only think what I have suffered on account of it. Think of that experience with those horrible temperance people who took your wonderful temperance gas! “Think of the wife of your bed and board being stood.on her head by a party of drunken women!” “But you ought not to blame me for that,” ' ‘Who else?” : Hae “Well, you see it was only a scientific experi- ment,” said he, soothingly. : ; ; © “What! > Standing me on my head?” she de- manded, angrily. ‘+ Do you'call that’a scientific experiment, Bulger Boom?’ BYBd ‘*Oh,'leti by-gones! be by-gones.” But’ don’t get angry‘and Jose’ faith'in me, for if you do I shalPneverinvent anything more; Harriet!” ‘*And I hope younever will. You have al- ) ready. become “the ‘laughing-stock of the whole city.” dau il het ‘Well, but that is fame.” Tahis ‘Fame carries'a' trumpet and wreaths, not a |mask and bladder,” she retorted. |" ‘You are not feeling well to-day, Harriet; but I will soon make you smile again) “At what? Another of your inventions and great speculations?! Ifel laugh in’ that'way I shall be taking sides with yout enemies, No, I am tired of: it all,?”said'she; walking away. ‘Poor girl! . She’ does seem! to have @ case against: me. But I'have’an idea now that will - knock the clay-pits all'to’pieces. | Then she will smile again,/and ‘regard meas’ her greatest, truest and best. I'll set about ittright’away, for Tam sure that Thaye’ struck it ‘this’ time in a most masterly manner,” said he, going into his laboratory. . Lis@y eA: Dead me The old brain-pan was seething again. | CHAPTER IX. . BuicER Boom had struck a new idea which he was bound to work to, successful greatness in rorder to win back his wife, who had lately not — hesitated to assure him that she had had erough of his inventions, experiments, and specula- tions. ~ Vases rshige: phatase namin It: was too bad’about his getting ‘‘sharped ” out of his potters’-clay pits, for there were sev- eral fortunes in that New Jersey bog, but he was too ambitious to be at the head of a. big stock company, and his loss of it followed close upon the heels of his flying-machjne’ disasters, and it is little wonder that” his ‘wife’ concluded But what was*the matter with him now!
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a ‘ Kos What great idea was this instance? = ~ Of course it would be no ordinary thing; Bul- get. Boom never bothered himself about. little things. — : et wep “He hadn’t the thing quite worked out, it is true, but'a little thing like that never disturbed his serenity any: Hé could see clear through what remained to be demonstrated, and, there- fore, he could at least congratulate. himself upon having, for about the fiftieth time, some- thing that would astonish the lukewarm world. It must be admitted, however, that, in spite of the bad luck which so often attended Boom, he was doing tolerably well, and besides having a home of his own, he had a few thousand dol- lars in the bank against a stormy day.. But to return to Boom’s mutton. ‘He had’ read of the ravages of potato- bugs, and concluded that the inyentor who could get up some remedy, some exterminator, would not only be doing a service to mankini, but’ would stand’ a pretty good chance of be- coming as rich as Vanderbilt. ” And this was what his gigantic brain, was up tonow. ~~ He bought all the, books he could find on the cultivation and habits of the potato-bug, and also went into the country where they were in working order, that he might have a better chance for studying them. In short, he got the potato-bug down to dets, © Paris green is a pretty good thing for potato- bugs, or, rather; a pretty good thing for the potatoes, but the idea of treating the vines to baths of this poison is open to serious objec- tions, and would never be used if there was any better way of making the pests tired of life. No, Boom eanie to the conclusion that the old bugs must be caught and exterminated before they got fat and went to laying eggs, or just he- fore they got ripe. ; But how to do it, that was the question. The custom of picking them by hand was a slow and tedious one at best, and never paid so well as picking chestnuts or crarmberries, and some improvement must ceréainly be made upon that if either fame or fortune waited upon him with their rewards. . ods ‘For mercy’s sake, what are you going to do with that barrel of tar?” asked his wife, one day as it was brought to the house. , . *Tar,is a great thing, my dear,” said he. - ‘«Well, yes, it is very good forthe bottoms of vessels, I believe, but)it can’t be possible you agitating his brain-pan in are going to build a ship, eh?” 4¢No, my dear, but,tar is also great for many, other things; for instance——” a “What?” _ Potatoes!” said he, mysteriously. “What!” : : “Bugs!” ** Potatoes, bugs?” “‘ Potato-bugs.” | { : ‘(In Heaven’s name, are you crazy?” “T guess not, Harriet.” ‘¢ Well, if you are indeed sane, will. you haye ‘the kindness to explain. what, for goodness’ sake; you mean by tar and potato-bugs?” «| “Tt is. death to them,” ', _ ‘Well, suppose it is, what’ have you to do with the matter?” sai ‘T will show you before long.” «Going to use it as a fertilizer?”. ‘Not directly, but indirectly so.” “How?” j ante é “If I exterminate the beetles it will be healthy for the potatoes—in that way it will be indirectly a fertilizer. See?” “No, Bulger Boom, I cannot see, any more than’ I can see into many other of your insane notions,” said she, decidedly.” ‘—Ynsane, Harriet?” he asked, in’ surprise. “sees, insane. Now what do you think of doing with tar and potato-bugs?” “Mix them together.” 9 _ “What an idea!” ~ ; ” “Bring them into contact.” © sw Abanrd) | come off conqueror.” Of what?” EAMiar yaa et anes ‘The bugs, to.be,sure, Harriet.” > ‘Pl bring them into contact and the tar will’ t ‘| invention. ; It is just what you want.” BULGER BOOM. — ‘Well, I. don’t know what you are talking about, and I don’t believe you do yourself,” said she, turning away disgusted. 19 . “Never mind, Harriet; I’ll show you in a few days all about it.” .. O35, But she made no reply. Little by little she had soured on her- husband, and no longer en- couraged him as of yore. She wanted him to get some legitimate business and stick to it, but he would not do it. He had the craze of invention and speculation on him, and could not be cured. : ‘ Well, what do you suppose he did with that tar—how he employed it? He had some round coarse brushes made, with handles about two feet long, and taking a bucket full of the tar along with him, he set out for the country, resolved on trying bis remedy on the first lot of bug-bearing potato-vines he came across. : Stopping ata little station on the Hudson River, he began to look around for a potato- patch and@-finally found one, situated some dis- tance from the owner’s house, and he at once bevan to look for game. et It was there in large quantities. Thrusting the brush into the tar-pot, he filled the bristles full of it and at once began. opera- tions by catching the bugs from the vines, for of course the moment they came in contact with the tar, they were held tight and fast with- out much hepe, of escape. ‘ “Glorious!” he exclaimed, as he noticed how his contrivance was working. _‘* Who ever saw anything’ more simple or effective? Why, even a child could work:it and exterminate the bugs on an acre of potatoes in a day. In fact, it is just what boys would like. It would: be fun for them.” In fact, so earnestly was he engaged with his sticky exterminator that he did not notice the owner of the potatoes and bugs who had ap- proached and stood looking at him over the fence, unable to make out what he was doing. ‘*Ho!”. cried the old German, presently, Boom looked up. “Vot vas dot pizness dot you doin mine botatoes?” he demanded, angrily. , “T am catching potato-bugs,” replied he, again resuming business. a _ ‘Who vas told you dot you come here for mine botato-pugs?” - “Why, no one, but if they are your potatoes I am certainly doing you a favor by riddin your. yines of the dreadful pests.” f ing, but Schneider had something else to do about that time. In fact, he had ‘sic’d” all he wanted to, and was sick himself. : But he finally got his head out of the bucket, and yet his eyes, ears, nose and mouth were so full of the tar that he couldn’t use them, and with a degpairing growl he) began to run_ his snoot into the dirt. trying to rub the sticky abomination from his head, but of course only making matters worse by taking up so much dirt. rein : There was a sick dog and a mad Dutchman. ‘«Schneider—Schneider—Schneider!” he con- tinued to call, but seeing that he paid no atten- tion to him, and that his head was becoming bigger and bigger all the time, until then it was as large as a peck ‘measure, he got wild, and commenced to pelt Boom with stones. “Stop it! I will, have you arrested,” he shouted, as he dodged this way. and that. “Dash you, I fix you: for’ dot!” he replied, rushing away toward his house. ddast : Meantime Schneider was: busy trying to get rid of his tar, and seeing that there was a good chance to get away, Boom picked up his tar- pot and brushes, and got out of the field with- out loss of time. e But he had scarcely landed in the road before the irate farmer returned ‘with two of his hired men, and he was speedily taken prisoner. ‘¢ What do you mean?” he demanded. ‘¢Méan to keep you,” said one of the men. ‘‘This is an outrage. What are you going to do with me?” : ‘ft dakes you to some gonstable unt hafe you bald head chop. off, und don’d you forgot to make some misdakes aboud it,” said the enraged farmer, shaking his fist at him. ‘‘T have done nothing wrong.” ‘Look at poor Schneider!” “But you set him om me.” ‘«Und you vas kill ofe my pugs ven dot yas none ofe yourn pizness. Bring him to der gon- stable und ve see some dings aboud it,” and in spite of all his protests he was taken to the office of the justice of the peace, who at once proceeded to investigate the matter. The enraged Dutchman told his story first. “Dot man he is grazy I think, chudge, He gome inter my bodatoes und begin righd a- vay to kill pugs, bodato-pugs, chudge; I dole him vat he vas doin’ in mine bodatoes und he dole me dot he kill my pugs. I dole him dod id vas none of his pizness aboud my:pugs und ho poind a gun at me righd avay quick. Then my “Dot vas no pizness mit you all der same] tog Schneider he go for him und he sdick his heat time, so you ehust skedaddle avay from;my) into somedings dot he hafe in a pucket und pugs or I let my tog hafe some fun mit you.” | kill dot tog Schneider so dot his heat all svell up _ “But Iam doing you a kindness, sir.” so pig as a pail of wasser, chudge. I vants pay “ Vill you do me dot kindness to get dis place for dot tog und dem: bodato-pugs,” he added, ouit puddy quick?” he demanded. , |earnestly; 9: é cf i ‘‘But, my dear,sir, allow me to show you my) © ‘‘ Well, I must) say that that is a very lucid explanation,” said the justice, after the plaintiff’ had spun his yarn. ‘‘ What is your name, and: where do you reside?” he asked of Boom. “Treside in New York, and my name is Bulger Boom,” said he, proudly. pe ‘¢ What is your, business?” ‘«T am an iaventor, having secured more: tents than even Edison himself.” “On what?” ‘‘ Various things.” “*But what were you potato field?” .. og “J will explain, your honor. Iam not only: an inventor, but I am a humanitarian! as well.. Of late I have been making a study of the po-- tato-bug, the result of which is this,” said hej. holding up his tar-brush, loaded with: stranded: potato-bugs.. : ee oo What is that? 2 aa? ‘* A bug-murderer. You see, I simply cover: this with tar, and go among the hills of pota- toes where the rascals are at work, and pick. them up as you see. Well, I simply came out. here to try this experiment in the cause of agri- - . culture, hoping to benefit the world as much as - And Schneider proceeded to do so. He made} I did myself, when this man ordered me away.”” a leap for<Boom, but with a quick movement |" ‘¢As he had an undoubted right todo. But. he drove that bucket, of tar right over his\ ugly | how about the dog?” an head, and there it stuck in spite of all he could| ‘‘ Well. your honor, he set the dog on me, do to pull his head out of it. _ | and-in self-defense I allowed the brute to stick= his head into’a bucket of tar”? 9 _ ‘Tibade you den tollars dot you is grazy und leave it to yourself.” ; . “Nothing of the kind.” ‘* Any man dot goes ’round killin’ odder beo- ples’ botato-pugs for noddings must be grazy.” ‘«No—no, you do not understand me.’ “Und I guess you don’t yourself already.” ‘Now, see what a simple thing this: is,” said. |! Boom, approaching him with the tar-brush, on which was about a pint of potato-bugs. “Go avay mit your gun! Point it someyare else, I dells you!” he exclaimed, at the same time dodging. 6 , “Why, it is perfectly harmless.” ; “Dake id avay or Iset my tog on you! Go somevare ouit of mine farm.” ; The old German’s alarm aroused his brindle dog,..and darting, through the fence, he pro- ceeded to interview Boom. , 4 j ‘Sic him, Schneider!” cried the old man. ‘Get out! Don’t you let that dog bite me or I yill have, you arrested,” protested Boom, catching up his bucket of tar. Paar ‘Sic him, Schneider!” pa: doing in Mr. Buckstine’s: “Sic him, Schneider!” the farmer kept yell- x
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“BULGER BOOM. “ As you had an undoubted right to do if you ‘feared bodily harm.” «Which I certainly did.” “But you were a trespasser, nevertheless, and as ae T shall fine you ten dollars.” “Very well, I will pay it, but it does seem just a, trifle hard, when I was working in the cause of science and*for the good of this man,” growled Boom, producing the money. - . The delighted Dutchman held out his hand to receive the money, but the court was just a trifle too quick, and collared it. “«Don’d I got dot den tollar, chudge?” _ ‘No, sir, you do not. That fine B00 to the town treasury,” said the justice. “Und I ged me noddings?” ‘‘Nothing, only the. satisfaction of ee setts that you have done something for the com- munity,” replied the justice, smiling. “Bud how ‘boud dot tog?” ‘You had no business to set him upon the man, even if he was a trespasser. You-should have simply caused his arrest.” ‘‘ Py vracky! is dot so? Der longer I life der more I find, py jingo, ouit. und if he gomes my house some more dimes py mit his old pug-killer, I makes me some plack und plue spods on his snood. Oh! my poor tog Schneider!” he moaned, as he walked from the court-room, followed by his two men. But that was not the last of the matter, for when Boom was on his way back to the station to take the train for home, they fell upon him and daubed him all over with tar; into which they threw dirt in liberal quantities, and after a few minutes’ manipulation he looked even worse than he did when he returned from his disastrous expedition in his air navigator. His head was covered with tar and his hat jammed upon it in a badly broken condition, and he actually felt as though death would be a great relief. He allowed one train to go by, and went into the woods to see if he could get his hat off, or remove some of the tar from his person, bul his attempts only made matters worse. If he had had some grease he might have succeetted a little better. There was only one thing left for him, and that was. to wait until after dark, aud then go home when he would not. be liable to attract quite 80 much attention. But what a fright he looked like when he presented himself to his wife! She never would ave knowh him but for his voice, and even Yhat was pitched in such a high key of lamen- tation that she scarcely recognized it. “Now hope you have got enough,” Bald she, after he had told his story. “Yes, and a great deal too much, the villain. ous rascals. But is that all the sympathy you have for me in my misfortunes?” he added, With a whine.. “T am always ready to, sympathize with you when it is right that I sbould do. so, but whea you get into ) troudle by making a fool of your- self, I have no sympathy for you.” Without a word Boom turned away and went to his laboratory, and during the next hour was struggling with that tar. He had taken it out _ tocatch potato-bugs with, and had got caught himself. Very few words passed between husband and wife that night. In fact, they searcely spoke during the next week, But Boom made no. further experiments, with potato-bugs, He had had enough, and what cut him deeper than all else, his wife had lost, faith in him, and there seemed to be no chance to win her baek again; and have her still continue to believe bam a great man. ‘For a fortnight he moped around Tike, a man who didn’t feel exactly right, or wasn’t sure where to catch on next time, But, to-his credit be it said, that he had made a fool of himself in that po- tato-bug business, and he resolyed neyer to waste his energies on any such a wild specula- ; tion again. But Boom was as restless as apigon a windy day, and after havin forgotten some of his late BSED EMCDCC his mind once more began to nose ! Dot vas a swindle, |’ he concluded with himself. around in quest of ‘inveptorial adyenture, and) his heart to thirst for speculation. In some old book that, he found he_read an account of the wonderful properties,of the. oil of eggs in curing. sprains, old sores, ringbone, and § spayin in horses, and all of a “sudden he saw more millions., If he should go into the manufacture of this, and the book showed just how. to extract. the oil, it would be a legitimate business, such -as his wife, wished him to adopt, and which she could not possibly object: to. So after cogitating over the matter for some time, he finally concluded to go into. it, adver- tise extensively, and work up a business that: couldn’t be laughed at. He bought five hun- dred dozen eges to begin with, and succeeded in making about a gallon of oil ‘from them. Truly, ‘it would be a yery costly. oil, but he finally discovered a process for pressing and preserving the yelks after the oil had been extracted, and this, he concluded, would be made marketable, and thus reduce the price of the oi His wife took but little notice of what he was doing, for she had come to the conclusion that he was crazy on the subject of inventions and sudden fortunes.. So she allowed him to go his own. sweet way, while she held on to what had already been saved, Ih the course of a few days the papers were full of ‘*Boom’s Wonderful Oil of Eggs,” a sure eure for everything, from a splinter in the thumb to a first-class case of consumption. And these advertisements were written with considerable skill, both for the oil and the pressed yelks of eggs, and very soon a demand was roused, although not so great a one as he had hoped for. What he wanted most of all was to get: the Owners of horses interested in it, for he had tried it in two. or three cases of. spavin with very good results; and, if this could only be generally known, he felt certain that his fortune was assured. He went around among the veterinary sur- geons and explained it to them, but they did not appear to take: much stock in it. bay, nad heard of Bulger Boom before. But he:was bound notito give it up, even if they would uot indorse: it, so!he went to the owners of horses themselves, and: offered to cure any case that he might be allowed to’ ox. periment upon. ‘Can she cure ringbones?” asked one team- ster whom he approached. «Tt is undoubtedly the greatest cure for ring- bones that was. eyer discovered,” said he, with all his old-time enthusiasm. Ws If yer’ll cure my ‘Bob,’ I'll. give yer a twen- ty an’ chin, ther stuff away up big.” ‘All right; I'll do it.:, Whereis he?” “Down here i in the stable. He’s been, lame for two months, an’ has got ugly.” “Why not? "Where is the human being that wouldn’t get ugly under such circumstances, I'd like to ask?” ‘But yer sure that. it won’t make him, any worse nor he is now, ar’n’t yer?—for I wouldn’t like ter lose him.” ‘« Nonsense! my dear sir. Iam a responsible man, and if I make your horse worse than he now is I'll pay you for him.” “That's fair; let’s, go right down. ona gee him. Guess he'll be, right glad ter see yer, boss.” *« Horses: are ‘yery “knowing animals, and I really do believe that if I succeed in curing him of his lameness he wall.remember me ever after- wards with something akin. to affectlons ys! said Boom, as they walked. along together, , te Oh, he’s a good:one.’).. . “But can’t you get some of your friends who also own horses to come and see the first appli- cation of the oil, for you know I wish to ENE tise it all I can.” , ‘<Oh, cert; there'll be a, Sane, of ’em sayy ter ther stables, you bet. . Here we are,” he added, as they reached the stables. Sure enough, there were about. a dozen. horse- ig owners there, and Boom was happy... His oil of | eggs would Tandoubrediy receive a peuless ee One 2 The owner of Bob led him out upon the stable- floor. ,He was lame beyond a doubt, unlese he was playing off to get rid of work, but he was one of the most milletnouploOkibe ‘animals that ever limped, “There he is. What do yer think? “1 think I canjcure him,” said Boom. “ Well, all right, if yer can, but I’ve had about a dozen at him, an’ he seems | ter, grow laner with every mother’ ‘8 son of ’em.’ “Then my. triumph will be all the greater if I succeed in curing him.” ‘Cert. W hoa, Bob, yer rascal! SES still. What’s ther matter with yer?” Everybody gathered around to see the first application of the wonderful oil that was having such an airing in the papers. “Whoa, Robert!” said Boom, soothingly, “Baht! that won't do,” said the owner. ‘“* Why not?” “Call him plain Bob or he’ll kick, He's none of yer fine horses who sometimes have two names an’ part ’em in ther middle. He’s a squar horse an’ no airs.” ; “Very well. Now, Bob, are you going to be a very good horse and let me cure you of your lameness?” The beast flopped his right ear and raised his left bind leg suggestively. “Be quiet, yer. pirate, or I’ll_ kill yer!” yelled the owner, making believe to hit him on the head with his clenched fist. “Don’t do that. You can always. make a horse mind quicker with words of kindness than you can with oaths and rough language. Be a good horse, now, Bob,” said Boom, pat- ting him affectionately on the neck. Tr ue enough, the horse appeared not to under- stand this gentle treatment, having been used to carmen’s oaths all his life, and It seemed to break him all up. Finally, Boom got out his Bottle of oil and made preparations for applying it, while Bob looked around with an inquiring air, as though suspicious that they were’ going to play some sort of a trick on him. Boom knelt down by his hind Jeg’and began to apply his great remedy. But whether it'was the oil that irritated the animal, or whether it was natural and chronic cussedness, may never be known. But the hind-quarters of that horse’ went up suddenly, and’ just as, suddenly Bulger Boom disappeared ech te a Window, taking the sash along with b It was rather a sudden’ rise, and the going through the window in such rocket fashion was not wholly. without sensation, but he landed on a pile of softness into which he went with great unction, and so was not hurt. The people rushed from’ the stable and pulled him from his predicament. He Was limp and slightly confused, but the doctor living across the street, who was hastily summoned, said there were no bones broken, and he applied lotions, plaster, and arhica, while the owner of Bob was putting’ him through a course of sprouts with a cart-rung. Tn an hour or 80’Boom was able to ride home ina Carriage, but he made up his’mind to make no more local applications of his oil to strange horses. Strange as it may seem, however, the oil (or the cart-rung) cured the horse, and in a fort- night he was as well as ever. * It'was rather a rough feather, but it was a big one, after all, for “Bulger Boom, and the fame of bis’ wonderful oil grew apace. Money flowed in upon ‘him, and once more he seemed to be on the ‘high wave of success, and even ‘his wife began to smile again, al- though she advised him, now that he ‘had Bot a wood: thing, to stick to it, and Jet flying- machines and potato-bags take care of them- selves, and more especially to avoid getting up a stock company. Doubtless many’ remember How! very. ex- tensively ‘ Boom’s Oil of Bges” was advertised, but only a few, if any, remember the stick that came down after the rocket went Up. Mast CHAPTER: DEED ND Nees “Bower Boow's Oil of Biggs was a. great guc-
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22 BULGER BOOM. a cess for several months, but finally the public began to tight shy of it. Tt had been warranted to cure everything, but no one could swear that it had ever cured “anything. ' And’so the sale fell off to such an extent that money was being lost quite as fast as it had previously been made, Tn fact; before a year had elapsed, Boom lost all he had made, and would have been penni- les$ had it not been for the money that his wife heldin her own name. And naturally enough this brought about bickering between them, and the happy couple that ‘we first knew them came to be like ordi- ney, married people; and had two fights to one Ove ‘This broke Boom down somewhat, and as he was getting along in years he began to have more “sober “ideas, “and eoneluded, after all, that glory and fame were very much like the soap bubbles. which children chase but never cap- ture. Well, hardly ever. ; But one of his sober ideas was the setting of a little farm somewhere in the country not far from the city, where they could raise all their table required, besides having the rent of their City house, and perhaps be able to sell enough to bring in an income besides. And “Mrs. Boom rather favored this notion, for a pastoral life always pleased her, having been brought up on 4 farm; besides, it micht choke’ him’ off from invention and speculation. ‘“‘Why, Harriet, the more I think of it, the more [ wonder that we have never taken it up before,” said he. ‘Think of the possibilities. Think of what we can do with'the simple item of poultry. We will start, say, with one hun- dred hens.” “ Oh) you are so enh rere Ve said she, im- patiently. “But let me show you the possibilities of even one hundred hens.” ; ~ “Well, go, ahead.. Show me.”. “ One hundred hens! In the first place, let.us gee what the, original cost of those. heng will be,” said he, taking pencil and paper. .. ‘Good hens can be bought. for one dollar a pair, That would be fifty dollars for the hens, and roesters are always thrown in. They don’t count; that is, they don’t count in estimating the first cost, Now let us see what it will cost to feed those hens for one year,, You see we must figure on those things. by the year, both for profit and Joss, A pint of corn will.be ample for one pair of hens; for fifty pairs—fifty pints. Two pints make one, quart; eight quarts make one peck; four pecks make one bushel. Three and one- eighth pecks of corn will feed the hens for one whole, day. Say we call ita bushel, just to make the thine even and be liberal on the right side; you know I always look on the dark side of the picture, Harriet.” “T don’t know anything of the kind. In fact, I think you are decidedly given to looking on the bright side of it, and have it lit up. with an electric light at that, » said she. "You are mistaken, Harriet. But say we call it a bushel of corn for one bundred hens. Now what does a bushel’of corn cost? At the present time, according to the reports publish- ed of the markets, corn can be bought for fifty cents per bushel. Now, then, we have fifty cents per day for keeping. Let us see what the income will be.” «Bulger Boom, do.youremember the fable of the spune Aady who counted her eggs before they had been hrough the test of incubation?” “Oh, that was a “fable. Here we jare right down to solid facts and figures.” “Well, proceed,” said ‘she, wearily, we Eggs at the present time are worth twenty- five | cents per dozen, and this is the lowest market at this season of the year. In the win- ter time they are. worth double that. Let us average it, or say we call the average thirty. cents per dozen, the whole year around, Well, one hundred hens will lay, of course, one. hun: dred eggs per day. Call it eight dozen so as to allow for wear and tear and breakages. Two _ dollars and forty cents’ worth of eggs; a clear _ profit of one dollar and forty cents per ‘day. Bid 5 But I don’t call that. much,”. ‘Not much, no, elds of the ratio if we} had one thousand hens! But that is not all. Hens set,” said he, gravely. ; “Ts that so?” «Yes; and they hatch out chickens.” ‘Ts it possible!” ‘* An ordinary hen will cover fifeen eggs; out of that fifteen she will certainly bring forth twelve chickens. Say one hundred hens out of the thousand set, there will be twelve hundred chickens. It costs little or nothing to raise them. Those chickens at the age of three months will bring’ one dollar per pair. There will be six hundred dollars! Thibk of that, Harriet! Six hundred dollars for chickens, besides the eges which the other nine hundred hens will be lay- ing in the meantime. At “« Well?” *¢ But this is not all.” _ «*- Possible?” “By 10 means. «< What?” «‘ Worth fifty dollars a ton for tanning pur- poses. Now let us figure it up.” ‘«Nonsense!” and she said it impatiently, “But let figures tell their story.” #*No. What else?” “ Feathers!” ‘+ Feathers?” “They are worth fifty cents per pound, and as each chicken is liable to have half a pound of feathers by the time he is ready for market, this, of course, gives six hundred pounds of feathers, or three hundred dollars additiotial. Here we have nine hundred dollars; to say nothin: of the other eges and the manure. But this does not include all the possbilities.” ‘« Indeed!” *«No} the quills.” ’ » * Quilly?” : ‘«Tooth-picks! Every chicken which we strip for the market will have atleast ten good wing feathers,’ which: will’ yield’ ten tooth-picks, or twelve thousand of them.'' There are twenty in a bunch. ’ Here we have’ an item of thirty dol- lars} which most men would overlook.” ‘Well, I should say so.” : But economists do nothing of the kind. They figure on everything. So we have'a net profit of over one thousand dollars on our/hens alone, if we reckon at the lowest figures. This, mind you, is only on the simple item of hens.’ Think of ‘what we could do with geese and turkeys.” a Why. notireckon on dueks while ne are at it?” r «Ducks are not so profitable: aButs of course, you could have a few dozen of them; just for bringing in pocket-money. But, mind you, this is all outside of the regular farming business. Think of the produce: we could send to the market. ~ Think of the milk, butter, and cheese. Think''of the hay, grain, yegetables, that we could send to the market. I tell you, Harriet, we could soon be worth our thou- sands.” ‘eThe way you fisure it now.” ‘But figures will not lie, Harriet.” “Neither will hens always do so.” “* Oh, [have given a fair average. is another thing.” “ What is it?” ‘¢ Bees.” “* Bees?” ‘Honey! Worth fifty cents per pound. A food hive will produce twenty pounds per sea- gon, and it costs absolutely nothing to keep them, Say we start with twenty hives; two hundred pounds of honey—one hundred dollars without turning our hands over!” “ Anything else?” she asked, laughing. sei: Certainly. Fruit.” *« Anything else?” ‘« Blowers for the market.” “ Anything else?” Ves, _Biitterflies.” “Good Heaven! Butterflies!” *¢ Most assuredly.” “Tn the fame of goodness, are you crazy?” “Not at. all. ‘I am a practical man, and take in all the possibilities of a farm.” ‘« Butterflies! “What for?” “© Pashion?) { ¢ $+ How?” rt Fhe There is the manure.” But here Butterflies are now at ‘Millinery, Hats. They are worth on the rage for women’s hats. the average fifty cents apiece. Wholesale milliners pay that for them 1am told. With a contrivance which I can invent for catching them, I can capture (or get a boy to do it for at most fifty cents per day) at least one hundred of them each day. ayers is fifty dollars, plum up!” “Bulger, you are certainty crazy,” said she. “Not at all. On the contrary, I never was more sober or more in figures in all my life. There is no end to what can be done.” “What else, pray?” ‘“Summer boarders. Suekers!” ‘Angels and ministers of grace defend ‘ust Would you descend to that?” ‘eWell, not if you objected. But I was only showing you what could be done if we had a farm. “We could not only live in fine style, but put by a large sum of money every year.” «But will you promise me that you will drop all sorts of inventions if I will COnBERY to’ tak- ing a farm?” «Certainly, my dear, I shall devote myself wholly and heartily to farming on the highest intellectual and scientific plane. Will you agree to that, Harriet?” «Yeg, if you will not’ run away with | any more crazy notions. Will you stick to farm- ing?” "Of course I will, with all my heart.” © But how about the farm? Tave you sélect- ed one yet?” “Yes. ‘There is one down at Greenlawn, on Long Island, containing one hundred and fitty acres, which I can have if I want it, at a very low rent, with the privilege of buying it ata reasonable figure, after trying it for a few years, iff wantiit. -It has all the buildings upon it: a nice house and outbuildings, and “the most of the ground under a high state of cultivation. “Have you been to see it?” ‘No, but the agent has told me all about it, and I am sure it would do.” ‘And you swear off on inyentions?” ‘Forever; with the exception of what I may need to do a higher grade of farming.” ‘© Well, then, mall go with you.” u Harriet, you are an augel.”’ ‘But see that you don’t curdle me, for a sour angel is‘a bad thing to have in | the house,” said she, laughing. ‘All right, I'll go and see about. it right away. But before 1 do. so. I will advertise our house to Jet. And, by the way, there will be the rent to add to our income, Why, Harriet, we shall soon be as rich as I wish to be, and as for fame, I will yet achieve it by the improve- nent I shall certainly make in all sorts of yege- tation ‘and cultivation.” “‘Ton’t bother about that. ‘Farming, well attended to according to present notions, is good enough. You are forever in the sky, when a living, especially at farming, has to be madeon the earth, remember that.” “Oh, I will do just as you say.” “Then you will come out) all right.” “Yes,” mused Boom, as he walked away to attend to the business he then had in hand. “T'l] make her think I am plodding along in the old-fashioned’ way, but secretly I will astonish her, and force her yet to acknowledge that Tam more than an ordinary man.” That was one of his chief aims and objects in life, to make his wife believe him great. She had certainly done so ‘at first, but the reader knows why she soured on him, ‘and now, al- though she frowned upon any further” attempts at fame and fortune, through inventions and speculations, he resolved to work on the sly, and deceive his wife for the first time. At the end of the week he had not only rented his house to a good tenant, but he had pur- chased the one hundred and fifty acres of land on Long Island, and was making preparations for transferring his citizenship from New York to Long Island. ‘It was now about the first of April, and quite time to commence farming. But as this farm — that he had bought had not been worked for two “a io three reat a was, of oa pretty well rug
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out, and he had to begin almost at the bottom —down to hard-pan, so to speak. His enthusiasm was up to the old fever-heat, and if it would not fertilize land, it would at least assist in doing it. So he visited all sorts of seed stores. He haunted agricultural implement stores in search of the latest and best of everything, and as he knew little or nothing about farming, or what its mechanical requirements were, he was eusily made to believe that he needed almost every- thing that ever was made or cultivated. Three different styles of plows, a patent re- volving harrow, a flat harrow, three kinds of cultivators, a seed dropper—to say nothing of such ordinary implements as hoes, shovels, rakes, spades, forks, mowing and reaping ma- chines, corn husker, corn sheller, threshing Machine, potato digger, horse rake, weed snatcher, etc. |. Then he had ‘to stock his farm, after which he bought severil sorts of fertilizers, and the seeds of nearly everything that would grow in this or any other climate, simply because they were recommended to him. There was no half- way work about Bulger Boom. He took the little town of Greenlawn by storm when he came upon it with this vast array of everything, and the wildest imaginable stories regarding what he had done and intended to do flew. around for miles about. Was the man crazy, or did he intend to farm Long Island dead, and grow all the strength right straight out of it? : “The three farmers whom he had hired to work for him told the neighbors that the old man had come there to show folks how to farm to the best advantage, and this, ef course, only added to the excitement. Farmers in a small way, gathered around nearly every day to watch operations with great interest. ‘Boom felt that he was doing the proper caper now, and was ‘never happier in his life. The prospect looked good. and he was already count- ing his’ crops before they were planted, This, however, was nothing new for him. At all events, he was posturing for a scientific farmer, and so long as people believed it, that was enough for him. Finally some of his neighbors became more bold and ventured to inquire the names of certain things and the meaning of others. Then he was wound up and ready to go. Then he let him- self go, and astonished them with big words and deep-set, learned dissertations on so many things that he nearly drove them crazy. One day an old fellow living a mile or two away came to him for some information, he having heard so much about his wonderful knowledge. In fact, it had already come to be called ‘‘The Dictionary Farm,” on account of the big words which Boom slung around. “Mister Bume, [ hearn tell as how yu know eenamost everything,” said he, ‘Well, really, sir, 1 do not pretend to know one-half of everything, although I know a few things, I believe,” said Boom, modestly, ‘Waal, what I want tu know is this: which is the best for taters—cow manure, hoss or hog, or this ’ere patent stuff, guany?” -‘*Exactly. The fertilizing properties of gu- “ano as eompared with those of the barn-yard which you mention is in the proportion of three to one. The gypsum of the central portion of New York State is also a good fertilizer, adding great succulency and a maximum of develop- ment, as well as a-great degree of firmness to the bulbs. And in a scientific point of view, to say nothing of the hygiene, such an assistant to the forces of nature are much cleaner and less open to doubts, for you understand that the moment germination takes place, the new plants absorbs the fertilization adjacent to it. In fact, such exhilaraters gradually become a portion of the root or bulbous portion of the potato, so that we simply place upon our tables what we fertilize our ground with, it being sim- ply changed by the mysterious process of nat- ure,” By this time the old countryman began to look wild. His mouth hung open; his eyes opened to their fullest, and he evidently felt sorry that he had started thé business BULGER BOOM. 23 — ‘* Duos saneti naturibus!” ‘‘What’s that?” asked the countryman. ** Merely Latin.” ‘“What’s Latin—good tu eat?” **No, I was merely expressing myself ina few words of tbe Latin language.” “‘Oh, I didn’t know but what it war some sort of a tater or suthin’ good.” “ Merely a dead language.” ‘“Dead? What did it die of?” ‘You do not comprehend this part of the business, so we will drop it. But I advise you to employ gypsum as an agent for exciting your reluctant loam,” he added. “Hey?” a ; ‘ ‘Gypsum, It can be procured cheaply, and will astonish you with its remarkable energy.” he R. G.; them’s alphabet letters, arn’t they?” : ; ‘Energy. Don’t you know what energy is? Force, power, strength. . Understand?” “Yaas. But yer see larn’t much on them are big tork, Give it tame in United States language, an’ I guess I can hitch’ on. So yu think this are gypsy——~” { “ Gypsum—gypsum; a sort of rotten stone, ground fine like flour, and possessing great fer- tilizing properties.” “That's what yu, fertilize yure property with?” ‘ ‘To a great extent, although I employ bone- dust, guano, &c., for different crops.” «So forth? what kind ov dung’s that?” ‘No kind,” said Boom, impatiently. ‘Oh, waal, so you think gypsy, as yu call it, ‘is the best for taters?” “Certainly.” * All right; much obleeged, corn? How du yu plant it?” : ‘Well, my dear sir, the best I can say to you is to visit my farm from time to time, and watch developments.” ‘ ‘*Maybe *twould. \ Guess I will. S’pose yn ye got eenamost everything; hearn tell yu had. Het ‘T shall endeayor to show the farmers of Long Island how to make the most of even a small portion of land,” said he, proudly. “Tf ywll du that, hang me—why, we'll send yu tu the legislature.” “Thank you. I shall endeavor to show my- self a good citizen, and one worthy of conti- dence,” said he; for, to tell the truth, this hint had given him a new idea. “Pm not reckoned much ov a slouch in this are township,” said he, as he grasped Boom’s rather delicate hand in his own horny one. ‘*T I presume not,” replied Boom, squirm- ing and writhing with pain. «What Zeke Smith tells yu, yu can just chaw on. Larn’t much on big words an’ larnin’, but T’ve got money an’ marbles, an’ chalk tu make a ring,” said he, boastfully. : «‘T—I—certainly; thank you,” Boom said, in detached sentences; for the horny-handed son of the soil still held his hand in his vise-like Now how. ’bout rip. : 3 eWvelll send yu tu the legislatnre. Yer can put in the big words with any on ’em,” said he, finally releasing poor Boom’s hand, and lumber- ingly clumsily into his wagon. “Thanks, Call, again.” “Oh, yes; I’ll be neighborly. and the old fellow drove away. ‘Ah! this is the swelling prologue of the im- perial scene, as Macbeth says. I do believe that it was fortunate that I came here. I have now arrived at that time of life when political honors would set appropriately upon me. I will make myself solid around here; they will send me to represent them in the legislature; from there I will win my way to Congress, and who knows but what I may yet reach the White House, and thus leave my name to posterity. Fame has always been my idol—here I can achieve it. Be still, my heart, be still,” he Good-day ;” whispered, and started away to superintend his farmers, But the shaft of political ambition entered his heart, and from that moment he made up his mind to make himself popular with his neigh- bors, and on that popularity work out his great ambition. — brighter and more fragrant. The work went on day by day, and finally he got the greater portion of his seeds under gyound. Mrs. Boom meanwhile was attending to the poultry and the cows, with the assistance of two servants, feeling really happy, for this, of all the moves her husband had ever made, seemed to be the most sensible; and while arranging the house and flower-garden she was so much occupied that she hardly noticed what he was doing. They had nearly five hundred -hens; and she sent twenty or thirty dozen of eggs to market every day, receiving in return quite a consider- able sum of money; and she finally arranged so as to send about ten gallons of milk also, be- sides making some excellent butter which found a ready market. : And so, while he was planting and speculat- ing upon what the hatyest would be, she was getting actuai returns in hard money, for she was amuch better manager than he was, and of late she had Jearned how to take care of the cash. } , And Boom neverasked how she was getting on with her portion of the business. — ; He regarded that as simply needle-work ou of which she could get what pin money she re- quired. \ t And he had two hivés of bees at work as well as everything else. In short, Boom’s prospects neyer looked so bright as at present, and he had | meyer been more happy. Besides, he could experiment to his heart’s content, and be assisted by nature at the same time. : * : Like every stranger who goes to Long Island and makes the least’ bit of spread, he was re- garded by everybody as a very rich man, and it was soon whispered around that he was just the man they wanted to represent them at Albany, for wealth is the great requisite among Long Islanders, Stes f Long Island is not exactly primeval, but itis intensely human. : 3 At this time things were simply in a state of incubation and expectancy. The crops were all in, and in a week or so they were due, or at least should put in an appearance above the ground, = Mrs. Boom was quite as much delighted as her husband was, and could not withhold an inyita- tion to some of her lady friends in the city to pay them a visit of inspection, to be supple- mented by a yisit of congratulation when the harvest came. : But the country was beautiful at this time. The cherry, peach and apple trees were in blossom, while the woods sparkled with violets and trailing arbutus, and the songs of birds were wafted to the listeners’ ears on perfumed breezes. AH nature seemed just waking from the long sleep of winter; although but few of the cereals had yet made their appearance to claim the charm of sunlight, still there was beauty and melody everywhere. The publisher says he didn’t engage me fora poet,’ so I cannot go on in this way any longer, or the lovely things I have already written will never see the light of type. I wish some of the readers would write to him and tell him—coax him not to crush the poetry that is in me, for he has no ear for music. But to get down to business again. Mrs. Boom had five or six of her lady friends ecme out to see her and see that farm which had just been planted on scientific principles. So far as her part of the business was con- cerned, it made as good a showing as it did a financial return; but Boom insisted on taking them out over the grounds that he had planted, and showing them what he expected in the near future. a ‘«Ah, the possibilities of Long TEADR ladies, can scarcely be estimated,” said he, ''‘ hitherto been a neglected spot, but I have come to redeem it. Ihave brought science with me, and they shall all learn it. Everything is bright and beautiful here, The birds are prettier and more tuneful here than in almost any other portion of the country; the flowers are It has- Jt has simply
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_ BULGER BOOM, Te The interested neigh. Ei | i a= bors were on hand in even larger numbers than ever, for they felt certain that something remarkable was going to happen. And they were right. The day arrived on which he was to give his exhibitiony and an hour or so before the time he began to charge his gas generator.
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a fe) fo) AQ ft iq oO =) D 0 SSS ees 55 re Almost at the moment of his expected triumph, there was an explosion which-shook every house in both blocks. And those curious spectators, on, : where were they? And -8ulesr som, ch. where was heP ‘ ;
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Ry vt been neglected,” said he, with a wave of his hand. At that instant they came upon a skunk that was out for its evening grub. “Oh, whata beautiful creature!” exclaimed one of the ladies, pointing to it. “What fs 4L?”. ‘Ah! that is a cat,” said Boom. “ A cat?” ‘Certainly; the cats are very beautiful on Long Island. Come here, kitty, come here,” he said, approaching the animal. Now, skunks, in their native state, are as tame as domestic cats, and if undisturbed, are quite as affectionate and deodorized. It is only when frizhtened or “annoyed that they emit their perfume; but its tough when it does come, .. Come here, kitty.” _ ‘Whose eat is it?” asked one of the visitors. “©Oh, nobody’s; they run wild, and all a per- gon has to do is to cutch any one of them that pleases him, and take it home. See what a nice, big bushy tail it has got.” “Beaniful! and how nicely it is spotted. Please catch it, Mr. Boom,” said another. “Certainly;” and the went for the ‘‘ cat.” ' He caught that cat. That cat: objected. domesticated The lady visitors gathered around and wanted to streke that bushy- tailed cat. It had no idea of being CHAPTER XI. Wuew! Murder by stink! That skunk which Bulger Boom had caught to please his lady friends, supposing it to be a specimen of Long Island cat, at once got its back up and turned the faucet. Ji let on the hydrogen. It scattered its eaw de cologne as Boom quick- ly liberated it, and then came a grasping of skirts and noses as the visitors beat a hasty re- treat toward the house. Boom was paralyzed at first, but he soon rec- ognized the peculiar perfume. ve Whew!” he exclaimed, seizing his nose be- tween his thumb and finger. ““ Why, ivs a skunk—hang me if itisn’t! Whew! whata fool I am, to be sure. Bah! what will the ladies think of me? By gracious, I smell him yet, and heis a quarter ofa mile away. Whew! What shall I do? Guess I will go to the house and explain the matter to them. But how shall I doit? Ah! Til tell them it was only alittle joke on my part—whew!—rather an unsavory one, though, ” he added, as he walked away. As before ‘stated, and as is pretty generally ‘Known, a skunk, if undisturbed,| looks quite as innocent asa cat and quite as free from odor; but it will be remembered that Boom did dis- turb this one, and in return he got his clothes well perfumed, and that was why he continued to smell the skunk when he was far away. ~The ladies had escaped the atomizer, although they had received all the perfume they wanted. Bat the nearer Boom approached the house, the more they began to think that the animal was following them. Boom went into the sitting-room where they were assembled with closed doors pad windows. ‘* Ah!” they all screamed. “Ladies, J——* “ Oh—oh—whew!” “Mercy—morcy!” they screamed, and again they seized their noges and motioned for him to go away. ‘Go away, Bulger Boom!” shouted his wife. «Ler me explain how———" ‘Begone!”’ they all cried, but as he continued to approach, they fled hastily out of the room. It must be understood that by this time Boom had become so used to the smell that he scarcely realized that he had it about him quite as bad as the original dispenser ever had. He could hardly understand, then, why the ladies fled from him in such a way, and he started to follow. **Go back, Bulger Boom, go back!” shouted his wife. hy Go out of the house with that intol- r BULGER BOOM. erable stink! Go out! Don’t dare to come up here, or I’ll throw a pitcher of water over you!” “Don’t get mad, ladies; it was only a joke,” he called up stairs. “A joke! Angels and ministers of grace de- fend us with a cologue sprinkler!” one of the ladies replied. “Go out of the house, Bulger; go out and take off your clothes and burn them!” cried the wife. ‘*Go and burn them quick!” Then a voice from the kitchen aroused him. It came from the colored seryant-girl. " “ Who—whar dat skunk?” she cried. ‘‘ Whar am you, Boss Boom?” ‘Here I am, Hannah; what do you want?” he asked, going to the kitchen door, “Whar dat skunk? © Who—who—aba! go ’way, boss, go way.” ‘What is the matter?” ‘Go ’way dar—skunk!” and, seizing her big black snoot between her big black thumb and finger, she also motioned him away, “What in thunder do they all mean?” ‘*Go took off your clo’s, boss; go bury ’em in- de groun’.” **Do what?” “Dig a hole an’ bury your clo’s in de earf, for a skunk hab been at you shuah.” “Why, the skunk has gone away.” “But he lef’ his keerd wid you, boss.” At that moment two of his hired men came up, and having already scented the game that was unmistakably abroad, and finding it stronger and stronger as they neared the house, they naturally made inquiries. Boom told them of his adventure, and they swapped winks. “There is only one way to get rid of it, Mr. Boom,” said one of them. ** How is that?” “You will haye to be buried with your clothes on for five or six hours.” ‘Pat am so, boss,” put in Hannah. ‘‘Bury me!? ejaculated Boom, back, “« Certainly. . It is the only thing that will take the stink out of you.’ | ‘Fo’ shuah, boss,” put in Hannah. «Tes the only way, sir,” said the other man. ‘« But it will kill me, you idiots.” : «« Yes—yes, bury him!” cried Mrs. Boom, out of an upper window. ‘«Tt’s the only way.” * But do you suppose I am such an infernal idiot as to allow myself to be buried for six hours? Why, you would be a widow, Harriet,” said he, looking up pathetically. ‘« Whew!” was her only response, as she with- drew and shut the window. This almost broke his heart, for it was tanta- mount to her saying that; /.she would not care a fig if she was a widow. — | ‘You need not haye your head buried,” said one of the men, ‘‘ but your body will have to remain, underground for several hours in order to rid yourself of this terrible stink.” “Tg there no other way?” ‘None that I ever heard of. Whew!” and he grasped his nose and turned away. Boom was a Ssweet-scented plum, and he began to comprehend the fact; so, reluctantly, he ¢ gave orders to the men to ‘aig him a tem- porary grave, and they set to work. It was now about noon, and in a few minutes the hole was dug, and Boom laid in it. Then they began to heap the earth upon him, and the expression which overspread his features was enough to make a horse laugh. The men Kept their faces as well as they could, but it was hard work to keep from bursting into laughter; but they filled up the hole and then heaped up the earth on top of him until the weight nearly crushed him. * His head alone remained above the surface, but the stench ceased to such a degree that the ladies again ventured forth from the chamber where they had been confined so long. — * And they finally gathered around ‘the buried scientist, laughing in spite ot themselves. But there, was no laugh in the business for poor Bulger Boom. In fact, he could scarcely get breath enough for ordinary purposes, let alone laughing, even had he seen anything funny. starting ‘« Why, Mr. Boom, what are you | doing there?” asked one of the ladies. “Tt—it—was only a joke,” he managed to say. fA joke! Ha-ha-ha! Well, I should say it was a joke,” was the laughing reply. ‘Harriet, this is dreadful!” he moaned. “But it serves you right for being such an idiot as to mistake a skunk for a cat. Now lie there until you become tolerable,” said his in- dignant wile. ws Oh, Harriet, maybe it will give me the rheumatism,” he moaned. “ Well, that will hot be so bad as the terrible perfume you gave us.” “Oh, Harriet!” and he looked up’ at Her with such a mournful expression on his mug that it would have moved the heart of anything but a wife. ; ‘Well, we are going in to lunch now. I will send Hannah out to: See what you want,” said she, going away from him. Just fancy the feelings of poor Boom, as his wife left him alone in this plight. At first he felt hurt, not only by the weight of the earth upon him, but because of the seem- ing indifference of his wife. ‘Then he began to feel indignant, and to think about a divorce on the strength of this cruelty. Finally t these cogitations were broken in sen by the appearance y of Hannah. “Boss, want somefin’ ter ent?” she, asked. “Oh, Hannah! this is dreadful!” he moaned. “So am skunk smell, boss.” “Yes, but—Haunal bring me a stiff glass of brandy—I—I feel the need of it.” “Allright, boss. Want some lunch?” “No—no, ‘only the brandy, ” and Haunale re- tired to fill the old man’s order. That glass of brandy was a good thing for Boom, for besides sustaining and keeping him from catching cold, it lulled his pain and made his bleaching : a little more bearable. But while in this degrading position’ he was visited by several citizens who had come. to con- sult with him relative to the fall campaign, in which it was calculated that he was io. geure hl a candidate for Assembly. - It was dreadfully- humiliating, atl never would have happened had not Hannah been too fresh and told the callers all about the skunk business, and pointed the hero out to (hem ashe lay buried in the earth. He tried to excuse himself, and aretended that he was only taking an earth bath for the cure of rheumatism. “Skunkism, I reckon,” said ene of the g eran- gers. «Say, Mr. Boom, are yer tryin’ ter sprout yer- self?” sty the fariny man of the party, and then, of course, they were all bound to laugh. “s No—no, this is only to cure rheumatism, my friends. Its a great thing, and if ever you haye it, try this and it will cure you in from one to two hours,” said he, earnestly. This only produced'alaugh. =} «Gentlemen, if you will be good enough to call on me to-morrow, I will then be’ “Teady to converse with you.” “Allright. How’s yer crops?” “Oh, all right, I guess.” « But isn’t it about time that some of your early corn was up, and your early potatoes?” “« Mine are all up,” said another. “« My-corn is three inches high.” — ‘* And my beans and potatoes are all up.” “« Byerything should be up by this time,” said another of the party. «Gentlemen, I conduct my farming on a higher and more scientific plan than you do. Your things may be up, but wait until mine ~ get started, and you can see them grow,” said Boom. “‘ Waal, it’s about time they began to show theirselves, ” said another. They. talked with him for a few minutes, and finally took leave of him. But a dog belonging to one of the grangers remained behind, as if wishing to make out what Boom was, anybow. He smelled his head all over, while Boom, with all the breath -he had, commanded him to begone. But that brindle dog would not a him gone.
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He evidently thought he had discovered some sort of new game, and he continued to smell of it. ' Boom called for somebody to drive the dog away, but before any one could do so, he took a bite at his ear, and then quietly trotted. away in the direction his master had taken. ¢ Boom howled with pain and rage. . a mortal so used before? Finally Hannah came out to see what the matter was, not knowing but that the boss had concluded te eat something. ‘ ‘*How you war, boss?” she asked. “Hannah, did you see that dog?” » “What dog? andshe looked around. ‘ BES, I don’t see no dog.” ’ “Hannah, where is Mrs. Boom?” ‘¢She hab took the train fo? New York wid de company peoples.” “What! Gone away and left me here?” he asked, wildly. “Dat am so, boss. Guess she thought dar war too much skunk ’round heah.” ‘And never came to bid me good-bye?” “T don’t know nufiin’ *bout what goes on atween yer, boss.” “ Wannah.” «« Yes, boss.” ; “«T want to die,” said he, sadly. «Yes, boss. Hab somefin’ ter eat fust?”? Was ever ce Hannah, I never was so badly treated be-. fore in my life.” ‘All right, but-yer mus’ luff skunks alone, den, dat’s ‘what's de matter.” ‘*T have been outraged, Hannah?” ” ‘¢Waal, ’twon’t kill yer. Wat’s de use of - makin’ such a fuss *bout a little skunk? Besides, Vs heard tell dat it war powerful good fo’ de rheumatics, boss.” “My wife has deserted me, and I want to die, Hannah.” “Nonsense, hoss, She hab only gone home wid her fren’s ter wait till de:smell gets tooken out ob yer.” ‘Oh, Hannah, this is terrible!” he groaned, Uf Golly, should think dat you'd get used to it afo’ long.” **Oh, ~ Hannah, have you no compassion?” My No; dar’s nuffin’ left but cold corn-beef an’ cabbage. Hab some?” «Hannah, you don’t understand me.” «Waal, tork it right out. What yer want?” “Heavens! what a world this is!” he mused, seeing at the moment only the dark side of life. ”« Hannah, bring me some more brandy. 4 ANT Kei boss,” and she disappeared.” “Té this expérience don’t kill me, there is no fear of anything else. Ten to one it will irrep- _arably injure my political hopes, aspirations and prospects. Oh, Lora! what a streak of ‘luck is mine! ~ What a combination of cross purposes besets me at every turn.’ I think Pandora’s box was Opened when I’ was born. Hannah, where are you?” ce Comin’, boss.” ‘Let me drown my sorrows in drink.” - «Waal, boss, if yer sorrow’s very big, guess Yd better go an’ get some mo’ brandy, ” said she, looking at the half gobletful which she had brought him. « Give it to me—hold it to my lips.” _ “Vere you is, boss.” “Tip it up faster.” ‘All right,” and she steered the neperthe down his bungry throat. ‘‘Hab some mo’?” ‘“Not now. But how much longer have I to remain in this horrible position?” ' **Vll go ask Aleck, boss.” “Tell him I will not endure it any longer, for the remedy is worse than the disease.” ‘All right, boss, Vl find him,’ and she started toward the barn. ' Now it probably would not surprise the ‘reader to know that the two hired men had laughed themselves almost sick over the affair, and were even then enjoying it for all it was worth. But as they had got all they wanted, as Boom certainly had, and ‘night was coming on, they concluded to dig him | up to see whether he had sprouted or not, or at least to see if the skunk- iferous odor had left him yet. BULGER BOOM. So they dug him out of the ground and assisted him into the house and into the bath= room, seeing that he was so stiff that he could scarcely walk. They ‘congratulated. him on having got rid of the terrible smell, at the'same time assuring him that it was the only way to accomplish the object. But Boom didn’t want to know any more of the particulars. He had had all the skunk and cure-skunk that he wanted: A. bath and some clean clothes, however, did much to improve both his looks and his feelings, although he could not get over.the cruel deser- tion of his wife. That ‘hurt him more; than) all the other things which had befallen him. He partook ‘of his supper.in silence, although Hannah chinned him continually, and told him of numerous instances. where she had. known of people being buried for a whole day to escape and get rid of skunkiana. But Mrs. Boom returned the next day and laughed him out of his dumps, assuring him that he was ten per cent. better than he was before his earth bath, and so once more the wheels be- gan to moye again, and Boom’s hopes to assume the perpendicular. That afternoon a select committee of his townsmen wajted on him to offer him the regu- lar nomination for the Assembly, and they did so without making any allusion to skunk. «Fellow citizens” he began, before they had half finished their errand. “One moment, Mr. Boom. We have not nominated you in convention yet, but as you assure us that you will give a thousand dollars toward the expenses of the campaign, that set- tles it, and we will hear your speech of accept- ance after the nomination. It is months yet before that will take place, but we want to. be sure of our man—our gun and our ammunition, so to speak—and then we shall calmly await the issue. The other party are, we learn, calcu- lating on running that pettifegging . young lawyer, Ostrander, and we wish to present a solid man to the voters of this district.” ‘All right, go ahead, gentlemen.” “© And you ‘will contribute one thousand dol- lars toward the expenses of the campaign?” “Certainly I will. You may depend upon it.” “And you will stump the district?” “Oh, yes, nothing would please me better.” “Then we will knock that young legal galoot | - higher than Gilderoy’s kite. Good- -day, Mr. Boom, * and they began to shake hands with im “Come in and have something before you go,” said he, and they did. A Long Islander was never known to decline an invitation of that, kind, be it understood. Then they parted with many. expressions of friendship and esteem, but about a mile away from Boom’s house they came upon a.joung; gocud-looking man by the name of Ostrander, who was evidently waiting for the, committee. “Well, how is it?” he asked, Sesh “ Pirst chop!” ; ‘“ Twenty-four carat!” - “Top sirloin!” and other expressions of a like nature answered his questions, “Will he come down?” “You bet he will, with a thousand.” “Bally? “That settles the business. That will pay all your electioneering bills and carry you to Albany with a rush. n> “‘Good racket! Let’s drilye down to the store and have something.” Nor was that invitation slighted either, and with many a laugh and bogus “health” to Bul- ger Boom, the great scientific farmer, they whiled the afternoon away merrily. But let us return to Boom’s farm, for it is high time that his crops bezan to show up. The oats, barley, and the wheat had putin an appearance, but the corn, potatoes, beans, squashes, etc., failed to come ‘to-time. The farmers whom he had employed told him over and over again that he was putting tco much manure of various kinds upon the land, but he knew better. He would show them a thing or two they pee never seen before. Aud he did. > | * Who does not know the great s¢' Digging into the hills that had been planted showed them that everything had been burned up by the fertilizers before it’ had’ half a chance to sprout, to say nothing of growing, and the only thing to do was to "go to work and plow thé land over. again, plowing deep to mix a plenty of earth with’ the superabundance of fertilizers, and then plane the crops all over . again. “And even then the farmers said it would be too strong, and’ that everything would most likely grow to vines and bear no fruit. But Boom knew better. Besides, it’ would never do to have it become known that he did not know how to faim on the most advanced principles, and if he could not show good crops in the fall it would most likely hurt his political prospects. .) : But Mrs. Boom rigged him’ unmercifully ’ about overdoing the enriching” business, just as he did everything else, and tried her best to pet him down into the realms of practical common sense, ‘and to give up all political aspirations. This, however, he refused to dd. It was the opening of a new life to him, and he told her that if she only lent him the Tight of her en- couraging siniles} she should’ occupy the White House with him some day, for’ Boom ‘never stopped short of the highest~ round of any- thing. But she steadily refused to take any stock in his political hopes, and he was forced to work without either her smiles’ or approval. Poor Boom! : Yethe was not hopeless) = The land’ was plowed again, and once more the seed was planted, and, “although it was high time that such things were up and doing for themselves, yet Boom insisted’ upon it that he would yet have. crops which would break his neighboring farmers up and make them ac- knowledge “him as the boss.. Meantime, it must be rememberéd that Mrs, Boom was doing splendidly with her hens and her cows. She was actually putting money away in the bank, while Boom himéelf was sinking money in his agricultural’ experiments, which, - of course, ‘made bad blood: ‘between them: She was practical; he was cunpractical. Time ‘ent. on.” Time is always dots that sort of thing. The farms adjacent to Boom’ 8S were blooming and promisin * In truth, Hes soon became the laughing-stock of the whole town, and farmers’ ‘said if that was scientific farming, they’ didn’t’ want any of it ‘in theirs. But, although he was about three weeks be- hitid his neighbors in’ the matter of bringing his cereals’ to the front, ‘the’ difference in ‘the penne of the soil goon told in favor of Bulger oom His potatoes shot up as if by magic, and the neighbors began’ to look ‘all awry and wonder if, after all, Bulger Boom was Sh a great man —a erat farmer. © i Bulger thought he was. M But outside of it all, he thought he had xeng his true status—polities. The mere mutter of farining was Dut at Ayer” s. for something higher. He had the White House in view. ; “But things on the farm begai to look peatiti- fully green and promising, Tand even though there was no surety of the’ future or what the harvest would be, yet he felt that his political future depended upon it. Boom was delighted beyond measure, ot course, although his wife was not, and not long afterwards he happened to meet, at the village ‘tavern, young Ostrander, who he supposed was. to run against him on the opposition sceee in = the fall, for member of Assembly. ‘ It was a friendly meeting, of ‘course, but Boom wanted to be magnanimous and patron-' izing to the young lawyer. “eR Say, young man,” he said, aside to him. ~ ‘«What is it, professor?” ES: “© Ah, you know me?” ae “Certainly, » replied the’ ptt ‘politician! ite entist, ste ie A: nowned Bulger Boom?”
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: ‘i pioneIO and ce OLE OOM een ae er ee BOOM. i “Excuse me. I know that I have a certain amount of fame, but if. you acknowledge my superiority, will-you.not allow me te give you a little wholesome advice?” “Certainly. I sit-at your feet, professor. », “You are a young man?” ‘Well, tolerably so,” said Ostrander. ‘«You are ambitious?” “Well, why should I net be?” “Tt is a glorious thing to be ambitious, my elegant young friend, but——” © Bat what?” “Tn politics.” | ce Yes, ” ‘Tt is different.” se How?” ‘You are ambitious enough to want to go to the Assembly?” “Well, yes, 1 would like to;’ but what show have I got if you persist in running against me?” “But I cannot help. it. Lam in the hands of my friends. Yet I cannot help giving you a bit of advice, my young friend.” _‘* Yon are very kind, sir.” : “It costs money!” said he, in a deep whisper. “Yes, I am aware of it, ” said Ostrander, looking a trifle glum. “Don't do it.” “Don’t do what?” “Don't put out your money.” “Well, as against you, I don’t think it would be very judicious.” “TY am afraid that I shall be elected. But don’t say a word; I only give this to you asa friend, for I rather like you.” tity Thank you.” “T give you this as a tip,” he qihisnere ds ‘‘ You are very kind, sir.” “Don’t waste a cent on it.” “What?” ‘The election. I know just how it is to go; I know who is to be the next member of as- sembly for this district.” “T dare say youdo. Youold fellows have the inside track and all the tips.” “Well, yes. But take my advice; your party is bound to run you for assemblyman; I don’t blame you for wanting to make your mark in the political world, but take my advice and don’t put up any money on it.” ‘(I will do so, sir. Iam glad you told me. T will not put in a cent.” _ You are a sensible young man, and in the near future you will most likely become a prominent man in politics. But in this coming eampaign don’t put out a cent, for you are sure to be defeated.” Three different individuals who stood around just swapped winks, and the game was closed. CHAPTER XII. BULGER Boom was in farming, and he was also in politics. He had been assured that he would knock young Ostrander, the opposition candidate for Assembly, into a political cocked hat, and knowing him, he could afford to be magnani- mous. He showed some of his magnanimity when he adyised him not to put out any money dur- ing the canvass, and the appreciative young man said he would take his advice, and not put out a dollar, knowing that Boom would do the putting up and putting out himself. And thus folitical matters stood while the farming was progressing after a fashion, Boom was rieht about it; his crops, although three weeks behind those of his neighbors, came right to the front and shot up like rockets. In fact, they caught up with the best, and rapidly got ‘ahead of them, to the great astorishment of some people, who "thought that after all boom : meet not be such a fool as he was thought. to _ It will be remembered that he had put so many kinds of fertilizers on his land that his seed was burned up before it could sprout, and that he had to go over his land with a deep eavy harrowing before there 1 z could be another crop planted, this causing the three weeks’ delay spoken of. But Boom knew what he was about, and felt like crowing every time he looked at his coming crops. His potatoes looked ranker and greener in the tops than any in town, and what was more, the bugs did not molest them, and his corn was a sight to gladden the eyes of cows and horses and? newly-weaned calyes. In fact, it was now afoot higher than any in town, and had not yet began to ‘ spindle.” How high’ would that corn grow? When asked. the question, Boom ‘said he would show the Long Islanders how to farm. His wife, meanwhile, was working the hen- nery and dairy to its fullest, and making money in large quantities. In: fact; she felt that she could afford to let her husband experiment on his crops, so long as she made money in a more sensible way. f Farming, however, was only a flyer for Boom, whose aspirations were wholly political now. All he wanted was to catch the grangers who had yotes, and nothing catches them so readily as one of the same guild. A chap by the name of Sim Brock, who was a personal friend of Ostrander and in all the secrets pertaining to the coming campaign, wis an active admirer of Bulger Boom, and whenever he could get a chance he was sure to speak a good word (with a wink, if anybody happened to be around, ) for him. And Boom believed him, and counted him one of his best supporters. They met, one rainy day at the village store where whisky and such was sold. There were, at least, a dozen voters present, and when he drove up they received him with a cheer that was decidedly encouraging. And Boom knew enough about politics to understand the proper caper on such an occasion. ‘« Fallow citizens,” said he, ‘‘the ae being cold and stormy, a little spirits would do us all good. Suppose we indulge?” 46 Ah!” ‘* Well, yes.” “Don’t care if I do.” ‘‘ Don’t know but you are right, Mr. Boom.” “Guess it wouldn't be bad to take,” and a few other affirmative remarks were heard all around the store as one granger after another arose lazily from shoe box. barrel, or broken chair and sauntered towards the little back room where the different kinds of ‘ spirits ”’ were fenced off from the groceries, dry goods, and other hard ware. ‘Now, then, gentlemen, name your tickler,” said Boom, : in’an off hand sort of a way. The majority called for rum, probably because there was only rum and whisky, and the whisky wasn’t strong enough to rake the hay-seed from their throats, owing to the presence of a pump. ‘Gentlemen, I give you a toast!” said Sim Brock. ‘Health and prosperity to Bulger Boom, our next member of assembly.” ‘« Good—good!” was the response, inter- spersed with winks and grins, and the toast was drank. ‘Thank you, my friends, and I shall endeavor to be found worthy of any ‘trust you may see fit to bestow upon me.” ‘« How are your crops, Mr. Boom?” asked an old farmer who had more than once expressed his disapproval of scientific farming and his contempt for all scientific men. “They look well, thank you. But I have not got the exact aggregation of the land yet, and this year’s work is of a necessity experimental. Next year, however, I shall be ready to com- pete with any of you, and come off winner,” replied Boom. “Say,” said the old farmer, turning to one of his neighbors, «what in thunder does he mean by the ‘ exaggeration’ of his land?” ‘‘Goldarned if T know; I got none of it on mine,” was the reply. ‘Maybe he means that ’ere patent Sauin y “Maybe.” u Well, gentlemen, it still NEE to qain; 5 suppose we keep our spirits up by turning some more spirits down?’ suggested Boom. “Waal, I don’t mind, % was the general re- sponse, for who ever knew a song Island far- mer to decline such an invitation, no matter how many times it is oflered. And so another stiff horn was. indulged in at Boom’s expense, this time the toast. offered. being: ‘Health and good crops to Bulger Boom.” Two drinks! Only two drinks of country store ‘‘ spirits!” Only two drinks apiece, each an even tumbler full! Boom didn’t take quite so. much at a drink as the others did, for his throat was ao trifle more sensitive than theirs were, but he felt the eflects full as, much. Then they began to talk politics, naturally enough, and Boom was given a chance to ex- patiate upon the reforms ‘needed by the citizens of the state, and especially. by the citizens of this particular assembly district. “ And another thing, my friends, the freight tariff must be so reduced that we can get our produce to market profitably.” “‘ Yes—yes!” the lushy grangers cried. ‘¢We must have greater facilities, and the unjust Hell Gate pilotage must be done away With.” “Right—right you are!” “Three cheers for Boom!” and they were given as though coming from the throats of so many fog horns. ‘‘We must have a State Agricultural Society that will furnish the farmers of this State with all sorts of seeds free.” This produced another whoop. ‘A society where we can go for information. on every subject. of interest “to us. Yes, gen- tlemen, we producers must be protected and encouraged. It is a shume and disgrace to the age in which we live that the farmer and the mechanic should do all the hard work, and the: merchant and the capitalist and money-swollery monopolies shonld receive seven- -eighths of the: hard money.” ‘Whoop her up once more for Boom!” cried Sim Brock, and when the cheers had been. given he asked all hands to drink. Another tumblerful of country-store rum? This was about all that was needed to make: them feel about ‘‘ how come you so,” and after: Boom had continued his impromptu oration un- til he got a chance to say that the state required. anew excise law, which would allow a man to. drink or let it alone, as he thought best, he once more invited them into that little pack room, where they again took internal rum, baths and cheered some more for Boom. It was nearly dark before the company broke ~ up, every member of which was pretty well broken up himself, As for Bulger Boom, he was so ereatly elated on account of his’ prospects, the encouragement and the “spirits” he had partaken of, that he felt just like forgetting his dignity and shouting, as he rode along on top of his horse toward home. Indeed, he did sing something about John Brown’s body marching on and moldering in the grave, and those who saw him concluded. that he had been to a revival meeting some- where, and got full of progressive peppermint. Just before reaching his house he gave whip and spur to his horse, “and came up athe drive- way at a furious gallop, whooping like an In- dian on the warpath, to the great astonishment of his wife and servants. Hannah, the colored cook, stood in the kitch- en door as, John Gilpin-like, he flew past it to- ward the barn beyond. “By golly, I guess de boss hab been tookin’ some ob Bill €mith’s bug juice. Gosh! heah him whoop! He'll bust his neck de fus he knows.” “What on earth is the matter with Mr. Boom?” asked his wife, coming into the kitchen. “Don’t know, ma‘am, but he seems to bea feelin’ putty good,” replied Hannah. ib should think so,” said she, leaving the house and going out toward the barn, where she could still hear her husband shouting and singing. Entering the barn, there she saw him urging: ‘
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’ the frightened horse around and around, as though doing a circus act, puttig in the regu- lation ‘* hoopla!” at short intervals. ‘Bulger Boom, what on earth is the matter?” she exclaimed, holding up her hands. “Hoopla!” yelled Boom, giving’ the whip to his companion in the impromptu circus act. | «Are you crazy? Stop this instant.” 4‘Halloo, Harriet—hic! .How yer was?” hé asked, as he pulled up his foaming horse. “J think you had better ask how you are yourself, Bulger Boom.”, ’ “Pm bully. Never felt better in my life, hic!” «* And never drunkers Are you not ashamed of yourselfi—making such an exhibition of your- self in public?’ “Been wiz my ’stituents, Harriet,” said he, swinging himself clumsily out of the saddle. “T should think you had, but if you cannot stand better as a candidate than you now doas aman I guess you won't be apt torun much ahead of your ticket.’ ‘Harriet, things look brighter and brighter all ’er time, hic!” he said, as he handed the horse over to his hired man. “Indeed! but I don’t believe you can see well enough to make sure of how they look. Things generally look bright to a drunken man.’ ‘« Harriet, give ‘ush 2 kiss!” “Clear out, sir! Don’t you dare approach me, you drunkard, ” said she, bitterly, then turning away toward the house. ‘Harriet, wasser matter?” he called. ‘* Want ter tell yer shumfin’, Harriet.” But she paid no attention to him, and went into the house. «Shay, Josh,” said he, turning to his man. “Sir, to you.” Ws Josh, aid yer see me ride circus?” ‘Yes, sir,” said Josh, laughing. “How wash it?” «Very fine, sir, very fine.” ‘«Besh yer life.” “(Never saw anything finer in a circus.” “Josh, I can do anything in the world. I shay, Ji osh, goin’ ter vote for me?” ‘« Of course I am.” : «‘ That shows yer level- headed, Josh, for I’ve got it sure, no mistake.” “I’m glad to hear it, sir.” «« Been ‘round *mong ther voters all day, an’ they’re all goin’ for me.”); “That is good, for if they £0. for you, you will be pretty sure of an election.” “Josh, yer gota great head, hic!” said he, starting unsteadily toward the house. : “ And I guess you will have a great ‘ head’ to-morrow morning,” mused Josh. Then he heard Boom’ vocalizing something about John Brown’s body, after which he went through some more circus business in trying to pick up his hat which had fallen from his head. Hannah saw the trouble he was in, and went to his assistance. ««What’s der matter, boss?” sf Nannah, shuffin’s ther masser with my hat, hic! It won’t lay still,” said he. «Keeps goin’ right ’roun’ an’’roun’, don’ 6 itt” Kersactly sho. Nannah, catch it for me.” “There it is, boss,” said she, handing it to him. “Musha ’bliged,” and he pulled it down on _ hus head so hard that he pulled the brim off, and it fell likea collar around his neck. « There, gesher won’t blow off any more. Nan- nah, you're splen’id; give ush a kiss,” he add- ed, holding out his hands toward her. Hannah ran giggling into the kitchen, leay- ing Boom gazing after her. ve Funny, won’t nobody kish me. Guess they smell my breath. I don’t care; they may all go ter thander. I'm a can’idate for shembly, an’ ‘We won’t go home till mornin’, Till daylight does appear,’ » he sang, loudly. “Bulger Boom, if you don’t come into the house Till seald ycu!” cried Mrs. Boom, with her head out of the window, mad clear through. : ‘Seal’ me! _S’pose yer think I’m a hog?” “Yes, for you certainly don’t know when BULGER BOOM. SEY a Ue Na se errr NN DS DC te Tua kt RO ge at as a aeons aE Es SE ite re AL a RE you’ye got enough. Come in at once and get out of sight, for | Heaven’ s sake!” ‘All right, Harriet; but unnerstan’, I’m to be cannerdate for shembly,” said he, working toward the side door. ‘‘Candidate for the House of Correction, more likely, you shameless, beast!” “Washer matter?” he asked, as he got inside. ‘‘ Washer. matter?” she said, mocking him; “‘you’re drunk—that’s what’s the matter.” ‘‘Harriet, you’re mishtaken; I’m in the han’s of my frien’s. ¥2 “Friends? They are your enemies, and you will find it out so. Lie down there on the lounge, and see if you can sleep off some of that ‘horrible rum.” “Harriet, yer younger’n I am.” “Ah! there is’ at least some consolation in that,” said she, hitterly. J Harriet, yer don’t understan’ politics.” “Thank Heaven, T do not, if it consists in getting beastly drunk.” “« Harriet—well—all right. Wake me—up— when——” and he fell asleep with his request half finished. “Tl never awaken you if you sleep until’ doomsday,” said she, going from the room, And Bulger Boom was left there alone in his glory; alone with his dreams. Under the circumstances, it is safe to say that his dreams ranged all the way between pound- keeper and President of the United States, with preference for the latter, Mrs. Boom had never had any experieace with political drunkards, but still she made up her mind that her husband was one of that kind, and abhorring them as she did, she concluded that she had rather be divorced and be in the market for a younger and. less questionable young man than to follow the life she was lead- ing. Night closed in around, atid still Boom slept the sleep of the ambitious candidate. What a position! What a sleep! Mrs. Boom kepf her own’ chamber,:and kept it locked that night, for she had no idea of haying such a subject as Bulger Boom for ‘her companion, and was even thinking of a divorce nearly all night long. How she had soured on Bulger Boom since we were first introduced to them! Bulger Boom slept the sleep of the just—just full enough, and morning shone ‘in upon Bin when he opened his eyes. And yet it was earlier than he was wont to get up; still, having slept enough, he concluded to get up and go out fora little ozone. © Ozone is a great thing for a ‘*head.” About tlie first thing he met was an Alderney |ram; an animal he had paid a high price for, and while taking in ozone, that high-priced ram measured him and took him in. Boom was sauntering along near his sheep herd, thinking what an idiot he was, and swear- ing never to do so again, when that high-priced ram espied him. ‘As a general thing, high-priced rams do not want anybody to sick them on, nor did this one. He lowered his head and went for Boom just’ as he was taking in a big draught of ozone, and just as though he was not his owner, Boom was off ‘guard. That ram was on the aggressive. Boom was thinking. So was that high-priced ram. But Boom was not thinking the same way as the ram was. Boom was it polities; the ram was thinking of fun. He hit Boom about in the locality where he usually sat down. Boom turned a somersault. Being a heavy-brained individual, he natu- rally landed head first into a duck-ponda. So much for too much brains! But it proved to be a gooa thing for Boom, for he had to Swim ashore or drown. He swam, and Boom saved ‘himself for future generations. But he swam ashore on the opposite side from what the ram occupied. That | high-priced ram seemed to be citizen enough for his side of the pond, and Boom “wanted a slight show for himself. By a roundabout way he reached bis house just about the usual hour, but he looked broken up in more ways than one, and in the absence of his wife he felt sad and decidedly neglected. Hannah was his ‘consoler, and, having: had considerable experience in that sort of thing, - she fixed him up a moruing drink, composed of brandy and tanzy, that made him feel like a new man of a different breed. But he failed to catch on with Mrs. Boom. She was discusted beyond ineasure, and it took something more than ordinary to bring her te herself again. __ Boom “tried his best to make her good- Havered, but she would not have it, and for the space of a week they did not speak or occupy the same room. It was a terrible thing for Boom to think of, and it seemed as though there was nothing else for him to dwell mentally upon in this connec- tion, but that she had ceased to love him. But. ambition overrides the worst of draw- backs. Boom saw the White House in -his mind’s eye, and thinking his wife would event- ually be reconciled, he followed out his own course without regard to her. Days and weeks passed away, and every rainy day Boom was sure to meet his con- stituents at the village store, where. they drank in enthusiasm, and talked over the fall pros- pects, Meantime, his crops were growing ata fearful rate, and of course his neighbor grangers were watching them. October came. It was time to dig potatoes. Boom hired extra men, and set them to work — upon them, having cleared out his cellar to make room for them. Ten acres were dug, and not ten bushels of potatoes rewarded them. ; But there was any quantity of vinés—cords ot them. Boom was astonished; also chagrined. But thinking his tall corn would make amends for everything else, he ordered it cut. As for his pumpkins and squashes, they panned out more vine than anything else; and when he came to ‘husk his corn, he found it. to be all stalk and no ear. His hired men gently insinuated: ‘‘I told you so,” bus that did not alter the case; and ag 2 reward for all his fertilizers and all the labor he had bestowed upon his farm, he had abso- lutely nothing to show for it but vines and stalks, Eyen his turnips were all tops, and the great farm turned out nix. This fact, of course, did not escape his neigh- bors, the unscientific farmers, and woEy. laughed over it heartily. As for Mrs. Boom, she was sO put out with | her husband that she- scarcely spoke to him, Which state of affairs would have made him feel very bad, had he not believed that the great political success which was soon to dawn upon him would make all amends, and cause her to — once more regard him as a great man. The political campaign was now open, and everything was humming. Conventions were being held, and one party, according to the programme, nominated Bulger Boom as candidate for Assembly, and the other took up young Bill Ostrander. Then the’issue was joined. . Things were red-hot, and flaming posters were put oul, extolling the merits of the two candi- dates, each of whom had dates assigned them for stump speeches. Boom was in tlie glory of expectation. He had studied up all and made the most of all ae issues before the people. He had subscribed liberally to all the agri- cultural shows at which he was to show himself and make a speech. As for his young friend, Ostrander, he felt nothing but pity.. Why one so young and ge promising should be taken up, only to be beaten, he could scarcely understand, unless it was to present a foil for him. But as the young fellow fight, he re- solved to make the most of it, bec use it would only make his cause and triumph all the greater. seemed disposed to make a good as 5 1
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It was just before the election that the county fair was held at Riverhead, and Boom was put down for making the address. For a candidate nothing could be better. Vast crowds of voters were in attendance, and to be addressed by a real candidate for their suffrages—and a candidate of their own kind— was something to produce more than an ordi- nary ripple on the surface of an ordinary cat- tle show. Bulger Boom felt himself equal to the. emer- gency, for although. his scientific farming had bot panned out exactly according to his esti- ‘mation, his wife had taken the premium on but- ter and cheese, and that made him feel as good as though his own genius had accomplished it. But at the close of the fair Boom was given @ chance to show what was in him beside sci- entific farming, for hundreds of people gathered around to/hear thé closing address. It'was*moré than a’common occasion, and Boom arose equal to it; and; after going over 2 large latitude; and giving the people more -science/and dictionary than they had ever ex- "pected for the money, he wound: up as follows, ‘while his’ enemies gathered close around: * “Finally, fellow-citizens, let me say to you that we live in the Nineteenth Centuty, And ‘what does that denote? It denotes that we are living in the age of the railroad, steam-boat and: telegraph; that the telephone has become a re- ‘ality; ‘that electricity and’ light have become the servants of man, and that we are only on hand ae of what may be!” and here he became wild. : } _ “Let the heathen rage and the wicked im- pete yain things. Why shouldn’t we have it - all our own way?” Sis ‘We will—we will!” cried half a dozen in front of him, the first of whom was Sim Brock. “Fellow-citizens, I thank you. The time is ripe for great events—for great discoveries What we know to-day may be as nothing to- morrow. We may congratulate ourselyés to- day that we know all there is to be known; but Our children will look down upon us and call us old fogies—behind the times. Let us then be up and doing, and never go back on the hum- blest discovery. If a man has a patent churn _ or an improved rat-trap, let us foster him. If he has a washing-machine that will make two blades of grass grow where only one grew be- fore, let us hug him to our bosoms and cry hoopla!” 5 ; * Bravo—bravo!” from those immediately in POD bette soten cen a : “« But, fellow-citizens, there is a political duty imposed upon each of us.” ‘*- Yes—yes!” by Sim Brock, ‘* As citizens of the Empire State, we must come to the front and show the world that we not only appreciate our surroundings, but that we seek to improve them. We want free grist- mills; we want free railroads; we want free ac- _ ¢ess'to the great markets of the world! Let Suffolk county come to the front and set the noblé example!” _ *Yes—yes! Three cheers for Boom!” yelled Sim Brock, and three cheers were given by a few, evidently those who understood the racket. _ ‘Fellow-citizens, the time is near at hand for you to manifest your preference. My young Opponent is willing to have things move in their old, accustomed groove; I am for im- provement. The case is squarely before you; I donot ask your votes, but I ask you which you will have, progression or stand-stiil?” “Of course. Whoop her up for Boor!” was the cry in front, and thinking he had made the - point, Boom bowed like a regular servant of the people and retired, while the band struck up: ‘‘Mary Had a Little Lamb,” and the people - moved away in quest of their. wagons and other conveyances which should roll them home. : As for Ostrander, the opposition candidate, he never so much as put in an appearance, eyi- - dently seeing that he had no show, and so Boom was left alone on the field of glory, to treat about a hundred voters who swore by him, and to get them as full of enthusiasm as he was ea and to send them home quite as ext day tdand him back to his fruittess x appy- The n } BULGER BOOM. farm and among his neighbors. Mrs. Boom was -herself somewhat mixed as to whether her hushand had the call or not, but at all events she was secretly proud of the speech he had made, and openly so regarding the two prizes she had taken at the fair. But one week more intervened between that time and election, and, of course, Bulger Boom was not at home much. The scientific farmer was on the stump. CHAPTER XII. OnLy a week before election, and Bulger Boom was a candidate for member of Assembly, and being deeply in earnest, he was of course much of the time away from home, making Speeches and canvassing in his own interest. Mrs. Boom, who had set her face against this new departure of her husband, was somewhat in doubt herself rexarding the issue. Everything seemed bright and flowery for her husband, and although badly soured on his eccentricities and speculations, she: finally concluded to smile on this new attempt of bis to win fame and fortune, and so withdrew all opposition as election day approached, not knowing but that everything would turn out as bright and beautiful as it now looked to be. Tt will be remembered that a young man by the name of Bill Ostrander was a candidate of the other party for the same position, and that. Boom, in the goodness of his heart, knowing what a walk-over hé was sure of, had advised him not to spend any money on tlie canvass, a8 it would’ be surély thrown away. But young Ostrander was working all ‘the same, and just as though he thought he had a show for being elected. He contended that he could'do no less than this in justice to the party and the warm friends who put him in nomina- tion. : eta And, looking at it in that light,;;Boom could not blame him, yet he continued to caution him, whenever they chanced to meet, not to put any. money personally into the canvass, and again the hopeless young man promised to fel- low his friendly and'sage advice, as weil ‘he might, when everything was considered. Meantime it must be remembered that Boom was posturing asa granger; a scientific farmer, one whose brilliant idezs and improved crops was to raise Long Island from the slough of or- dinary grubbing to a plane of exaltation which should, in a short time, make every holder of land, be it ever so bad, one to be envied by the rest of the world.: True, his first attempt had become notorious among his neighbors as a slight overdoing of matters and things, but that he easily explain- | ed away by saying that the land was new to him, and that not much should be expected of him until he had become better aequainted with its normal energy. —- ; And even though his second crop—that put in after the first one all ran to tops 4nd vines on account of too much fertilizer—was several weeks behind those of unscientific farmers who lived'in the neighborhood, and gave no great promise of maturing before frost came, yet he depended largely upon the looks of his fields for votes among those horny-handed sons of toil who saw them. Those H. H. S. of T. did see them, and, as a general thing, they were capable of measuring up crops as they stood. But Bulger Boom was not there to hear their comments on his farming, or their opinion of him as the holder of a healthy brain-pan. He didnot know that a record of his inventions and great speculations had been printed in a humorous vein, aud circulated around among his constituents at his own expense, simply be- | cause his young friend Ostrander, of the other party, had followed bis ‘advice in not putting out money, No, his«mind was above the record of the past, and. soared only in the blue empyrean of the future, with the White House as the central figure. : ‘Two days before the election there was to be. a great meeting of the sturdy voters of the dis- trict, for the purpose of listening to the candi- | dates on both sides, and seeing which was the safest man to vote for. Young Ostrander made the first speech, and seemed to win nearly everybody over to his side. He contended that what was wanted in the legislature of the state was young blood and practical common sense. “What do the people of this district—the people at large care for patent cat extermina- tors?” he demanded, and a loud laugh followed. “People in the city may have an interest in such things, but our eats do their share for the common weal. What interest have we in the flving-machine? Do we not either leave strong drink alone or take it, and not get drunk or merry on gas? True, we believe in eggs, but we don’t Welieve the oil contained in them will cure chilblains on horses, We abhor potato- bugs, but we don’t’ see the practicability of catching them with tar on a stick.” J These allusions to: Boom’s great inventions provoked roars of laughter, for they nearly all knew about the matter. In fact, it was alniost as good as a circus for those countrymen, and they yelled themselves hoarse. : As for Boom, he couldn’t account for it at all. How came his opponent to know all these things? and how was it that the crowd applaud- ed and laughed so heartily? What did it mean, anyway? : Mrs. Boom was there to hear her gifted hus- band, the district’s ‘‘favorite son,” make ‘the greatest effort of his life.” But the calling up of those things made her sick. Her woman’s instinct saw at a glance that the opposition had taken pains to get at and circulate the facts of her husband’s weakness, and instantly, after hearing the shouts of laughter, she felt as though his case’ was hopeless, and that instead of being a candidate, he was simply a butt. — But after Ostrander’s address had been tir-~ ished, Bulger Boom got up and strode to the front, where he was received with a tremendous round of applause that was mingled with some laughter. Mrs, Boom, however, felt. greatly relieved. : . : ‘* Fellow. citizens!” began Boom, ‘‘I do not come before you to make you laugh, as my young opponent does, but to talk to you in all seriousness, on subjects which relate to the common good.” [Applause:] Q ‘(My opponent might be a valuable man in a circus ring or on the stage; but this is not a circus, .We are on the eve of an election,.and we have assembled to consult about what would. be the best for ourselves and the general good. {Loud applause.] We are farmers. [Big laugh ter.] We raise produce which we wish to take to market, and what we want is a cheaper freight. tariff. This is one of the vital issues before us. If I am elected I pledge myself to work for this object, together with a state agri- cultural society that shall furnish seeds and in- formation;gratis to the farmers of this state, and those of this district in particular. [Cheers for Boom.] We need appropriations for the: reclamation.of our vast areas of waste land. Every man who owns worthless land should be recompensed by the state. [Howls of delight. ] Every acre of it should be purchased by the state, and given to. worthy young men with families, or those contemplating them. [A tor- nado of applause.] Fellow citizens, all this'can be brought about if you send the right man to the Assembly at,Albany. Modesty forbids that. I should say who that right man is, but I believe you know. [Applause and Jaughter.] And now, my friends, I leave the issue in. your honest hands. You know what we want, and the way to achieve it is simple and easy. _Go to the polls like freemen and deposit your bal- lots for the right man; for progress and re-_ form.” ; At the conclusion of his speech the crowd burst into a whirlwind of approving applause, and neither Boom nor his wife doubted for a moment but that he would be elected by an over- whelming vote, although neither of them could understand about how Ostrander got up such a laugh when he spoke of flying machines, cat ‘exterminators, ete. yh rere ris dre But Boom’s task was mot yet done. There ~ Y . Fh hen
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BULGER BOOM.. ci stood scores of thirsty freemen, and several kegs of beer were on tap in the close vicinity. Mrs. Boom thought it entirely unnecessary, but, of course, she. was a woman, and knew nothing about politics and how yotes are won. So he started for the tavern, followed by a big crowd of freemen, anxious for free drinks. << Give them all they want,” said he to the landlord, as they began to file into the bar- room. Gentlemen, after listening to\ dry speeches, you must feel dry yourselves. Come up and bathe your throats,” he added. “Three cheers for Bulger Boom!” cried Sim Brock, and that invited, expectant crowd near- ly raised the roof with cheers for their candi- date. Ostrander was nowhere to be seen, and Boom had it all his own way, He received the congratulations of some of the leading men, with. whom he partook of brandy, and then he asked the crowd to sel again. It was a sort of an ‘*Old Guard” crowd; anne could drink, but never refuse: And so the beer and the spirits flew up and down, always up before down, for the next half hour, during which that crowd of freemen got mellow and. loud. They got up mock argu- ments and sham fights between members of the different parties. - Boom was happy, and so were the freeman, every one of whom shook hands with him tive or six different times, and assured him of their vote. In fact, they formed a ring in the bar- room and marched around slowly in a circle. When they came to the bar where a drink was sure to be waiting them, they drank it and then turned and shook ‘hands with Boom. This they kept up for an hour, by which time they were ready to shake hands with almost anything. This created trouble for Boom in a direction he had not thought of. The district contained @ great many temperance yoters, and the fact of his getting his constituents drunk when- ever he met With them stirred up quite a com- motion, and threatened to draw from him many votes. ~ But it was too late to straddle a fence or a “blind.” There was only one thing for him to do now, and that was to uphold the ‘‘ Soakers,” as those who drank at his expense were called, and ‘fire off his mouth at ‘‘The Springwater Gulpers,” as the temperance people were called, as Often and as effectually as he could. So it will be seen that Boom was making a lively. canvass of it all around. Finally, the night before election there was to be a sort of celebration, (the free tap on a keg of lager always constitutes a celebration in this assembly district), and fireworks, and as water. . Boom and his friends were on hand, for there was yet considerable work to be done in distributing tickets and correcting the registry, as well as “paying a few more printers? bills. But, of course, Boom attended to this himself. Was he not going to be the winner, and why should he not show his generosity by not. allow- ing those who voted for him to pay for such an inestimable privilege? This part of the business- settled, the meet- ing of the committee soon adjourned, and the bar-room of the tavern soon became the cen- ter ef attraction. Here were gathered everybody of both sides, _ with the exception of the temperance people, for be it understood both sides were generally dry, there being bat little difference in parties when there is a te ee blow anywhere around, and in’a short time the steam guage showed one hundred pounds to the square inch of buman stomach, and Boom was feeling quite as much of the pressure as any of them. But presently some injudicious temperance people came to the tavern to protest against. the bibulation, declaring that 1t was a shame and disgrace. This, of course, did not please Boom’s nana and a row was the easy result; a regular bar’ ~ room clench and a rough- andetumble.. Eales mushed in to restore peace, but he i might as well have rushed into a threshing- machine for the same purpose. In fact, he would have fared just about as well had he done so. The fight lasted about two minutes. But it was long enough. It was long enough for Bulger Boom, The lights were broken and put out, the fur- niture and fixtures smashed, and when a light was brought in, Boom was found curled 1 up under a broken table, with both eyes blackened and his nose bleeding. Several others had received mementoes of the ruction, but the candidate for assembly seemed to have carrried off the most of the honors, as he was likely to carry them for a week or two. The landlord pulled him out and stood him up. He was a sight to behold as he gazed around in a dazed way from one to another; they g gathered around him and ee him if he was much hurt. Oh, no, not much! : & But we licked them,” said Sim Brock. ‘Yes, ‘and fired’em out!” said another. “The cold water dastards!”* said Boom. “Guess you had better have alittle of their favorite tipple for your nose and face, Mr. Boom,” suggested the landlord. “Oh, yes. Cold water is very good for some purposes, ” said Boom, trying hard to be funny in spite of his disaster. But, of course, his friends were bound to laugh and insist upon it that it was one’ of the best jokes they had ever heard, and while he was in the washroom and the landlord was try- ing to restore light, they laughed in another key and poked each other in the ribs. But this was only a skirmish before the great battle of the morrow, and Boom was bound to so regard it. After washing up he again came out and treated his friends to whatever they wanted, although he concluded to go home so as to be with them early the next day, he hav- ing engaged horses and messengers to ride or telegraph from every polling place in the dis- trict But on reaching home he met his wife. What a meeting that was to be sure, and how awfully oroken up he looked. “Bulger Boom, in the name of goodness, what has happened to you?” she asked. “Well, my dear, a party of my constituents were set upon this evening by some of the ad- verse factions, and a fight was the result.” *‘And yoa got into it?” ¥*To be sure he did.” ‘‘Heavens and earth, that it should ever come to this!” she exclaimed. ‘‘My husband in B brawl?” “But, Harriet, hear me. the interest of peace.” ‘Peace! -I shonld say you got a large share, if not the whole of it.” “T attempted to ents——” “And they turned upon you?” ‘‘T got hit several times in my endeavor to stop the melee!” ‘T should say so.” ° ‘«But we conquered them, Harriet.” “Tndeed! Look at that pair of black eyes.” . * Yes; but my glasses will hide the most of it.” 4 «But I guess if it had not been for ‘glasses,’ the thing would never have occurred. Where are your glasses, pray?’ “1 Jost them in the fight, but I have another pair,” said he, going to a shelf where they lay. Placing them upon the bridge of his swollen nose, the eflect was ‘changed from the tr agic to the comic instantly, for “around each one of the glasses there appeared a black ring which made his face look too comical for one to gaze on without laughing heartily. But, Mrs. Boom did not feel much like laugh- ing. She was discusted and indignant. “There, that makes it al! right, eh?” “Allright; yes, if you wish: to extcite the I went into it in separate the belliger- Jaughter and contempt of everybody,” said she. Boom took a look in the glass at himself, and for the life of him could not say that the effect ‘Was just what he hoped it would be. ‘*T am heartily sick of all this, Bulger Boom, and shall be more than glad when it is over with.” “Well, to-morrow settles it. But, my dear, you know we have to plow and sow before we can reap,” said he, coaxingly. **Nonsense! J guess you will find that there is more of a harrowing nature in it before you get through with it,” said she, sarcastically. “ But, my dear Harriet, you do not look be- yond the darksome present; you do not see through the political mist which exists between this and a brighter future—evyen the White House!” : “Oh, bosh! I have no patience with you, and if you fail in this, as I strongly Aes you will; Iam done with you.” “Done with me, Harriet?” he asked, in alarm. “Yes, unless you allow me to have my own way in everything, for I firmly believe that you do not possess suflicient nental ballast-to take care of yourself. So, to bed, for Heaven’s sake, and get out of my sight.” os Why, Harriet!” But she made no reply, and as though unable to trust herself for any further controversy, she started up herself and left the room. This was'a harder blow than he had received that night, and he stood there like one dazed. “ Poor ein, ” said he at length, ‘‘she feels so bad at seeing, my misfortune. But after to-. morrow, and when her ‘husband shall be called the Honorable Bulger Boom, she will feel better. Political. honor will heal. all her wounds. Heigho!” and he went to his chamber. - But he found himself alone there. His wife had gone to another for the night. It'was cold and gloomy, and it was fully an hour before he could get to sleep, and then only to dream dreams quite as sensational] as had been the reality he had lately passed through. Cold water fiends seemed to be glaring at him from all corners, and one of his dreams wag that he had been chained by them to the town pamp, and that they were pumping water upop him. : The struggle was terrible, but with one tre- mendous effort he broke away, and awoke, The dream had a little reality in it, after all, for in his struggle with the imaginary fiends he had fallen out of bed and upset the, water pitcher, nie spilt itself over him as he lay on. the oor. Mrs. Boom had not heard the rumpus, and so after reflecting a moment he got up, lit the lamp and wiped himself, and finally concluded that it was only a dream after all. But it-was nearly morning before he got in a fit state of somnolency to wrestle with another one, and finally managed to worry out the night and to get up all unrefreshed and looking more like a candidate for state prison than one for the State Assembly. Hannah, the colored servant, was at her post. when he came down to breakfast, hoping to find his wife there, but he didn’t. ‘Golly Moses, boss} What am de matter wid yer eyes dis mornin’? she asked, as he made his appearance in the room. **Never mind, Hannah, give me my break- fast,” said he, with surly tone. “By golly! my ole man went to a cake walls one'time an’ comed home dat way.” ** Be quiet, Hannah.” “Tab you been to a cake walk, boss?” “ Just you walk those cakes on to the Nes and not be quite.so fresh.” “Dreflul!” she muttered, as she proveedad to place his breakfast before: him. ‘« Where is Mrs. Booms i «Gib it up, boss.” “Has she been down this Beats ‘¢Habn’t seed her.” **Do you suppose she is sick?” ‘Guess she am, boss.” “Indeed! What makes you think so?” ‘«Waal, boss, I heah her say las’ night dat she war sick, ” said Hannah, grinning. ‘«T must send for the doctor at onde.” _* He won’t do her no good, boss.” - Why do you say that?” “*Not ‘less he kills you.” pit . , Fey
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