Five Cent Wide Awake Library (vol. 1) (1880 06 23)
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THEFIVECENT —s_, 3 ) i Ba, SOG, Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1819,by FRANK TOUSEY, tn the office of the Lébrarian of Congress, at Washington, D.C. Vol. I {NUnit} BRg) Winuiast Siecer, NY. jeceunns. | | No. 282, - Shoo-Fly at School. f: (Continued from Wide Awake Libtaty, Nol 281) 2 TH i Cc il rm | SS ass ~ ~ ~ “An ocean,” shouted Mr,. Thwacker, bringing the ruler down,‘‘ is——” There was a sudden ecplosion that caused him to start back as if shot. , CHAPTER I. He was sitting uneasily in one corner, with a; ‘‘Some'fat pork, wid de grease’ all a dripping \ , rye “| |'shaking body and trembling hands. from it!” continued Shoo-Fly. ; ‘THERE was alively scene after that cake had Eyidently he was wishing that he had never| ‘‘ Please go ’way.” been cut and tasted. seen the vake, much less ate of it. ‘Or dar’s' soft Clams. ' Nicé, stringy soft a 4 «Oo Nearly all of the eaters were sick, and they'|”~« ee kin git > nonk 3? ‘: glunk ne outside to relieve their stomachs, a Seki whar I kin git any pork?” asked Shoo- | clams.” ly : hi Cy Shoo-Fly was particularly happy. et Ouperenlied the other. -. | “Yah! I want ter die.” oe ra He sidled up to a fancy nig with a red necktie| * ements greasy pork.” see “Oh, doant. "Come wid me an’ bab some suet ‘and a white vest, who had put on an awful lot! “Ah? groaned the nig,’ pressing his stomach | Puddin’ wid ha’r ile sauce.” i is of frills at the cake-walk. | A | with his hands, — “ Yoop!” gurgled the wretched nig; ashe made’ e 4
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SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. a bold dash for the window and emptied the contents of his stomach over a passing Tom-cat, greatly to the latter’s surprise. “* Guess he’s settled,” grinned Shoo-Fly, as he ambled across the room to a darkey belle, also a cake-walker and a cake-eater, who sat with her head done np in a shawl. * Lubly moon to-night, miss,” observed Shoo-Fly. *T)on’t keer for de moon,” sighed the sick belle. «De starsam exqusite.” . ‘‘ Doan’t keel fo’ de stars.” { ‘ Dar am a comet ober in de nex’ lot.” : **Toan’t keer if der are fifty. Please go ’way.” «© Am you sick?” * ‘Tse dying.” «Stomach shaking?” ‘Ti’s ewine right up an’down.” ‘“ Ise sorry for youse. Jess youse gwine an’ get a nice Jot ob raw iysters wid a Croton-bug fricassee an’ kerosene ile!” suggested Shoo-Fly. This was too much. ‘© Yoop!” exclaimed the colored lady, and she tottered overthe door, and commenced to exhibit all she had ate for the last six weeks to an astonished rooster who had got lost out into the dark. The episode of the cake-walk furnished talk for a long time for the village. It bothered Miss Charity awfully, but to the day of her death she never Ciscovered how the cake got full of kero- sene-oil, Shoo-F'ly never divulged it. One day Shoo-Fly went to Bridgeport. He came back with a banjo. He said he bought it, but it was extremely doubtful, es- pecially as somebody had a banjo’ stolen that very day. Shoo-Fly took it out to show Uncle Pete. Uncle Pete was in the barn, cutting hay for the horses. chess dat you got, chile?” asked he, stopping in his work © Dat yer’s an African piano.” © Wha's dat?” «* A banjo.” ** Shoo!” “It’s so.” ** You ain’t got a real Largerry: banjo. vare lyin’.” “<It’s de fac’,” assured Shoo-Fly, taking the banjo from ‘its case. Uncle Pete took it tenderly into his hands. “ Golly—it’s jess dat,” he said, handling it lovingly. “Gib us a tune,” requested Shoo-Fly. “‘Dassent,” said Uncle Pete. «Why not?” ‘Tse a church-member.” ** De banjo doan’t keer.” ‘But I do. I promised de minister not to hab anyting to de wid sich wanities. Kin you play?’ ** Jess a leetle.” ‘© Den gib us a song.” Shoo-Fly took a seat on the hay cutter. : . ** Here goes for desegars,” he said, striking a few pre liminary cords, and then bursting out with: ** De stars am shining in de sky, Buy mea golden harp, Gabriel’s horn-am up so high, Buy mea golden harp. De road am narrow, de gate am small, De cullurd angels am mighty tall, An’ white trash won’t get,in at all, Buy me a golden harp.” Go’ way—you Chorus. Den buy—buy—buy—buy—. Buy me a golden harp; T’ye got my wings an’ de oder tings, So buy me a golden harp. “Dat’s wicked,” responded Uncle Pete; nevertheless secretly delighted, for the loye for a song is inherit in every darkey. : “'Tain’t it’s a song,” grinned Shoo-Fly, changing into a jig. a smile appeared on Uncle Pete’s face. “Stop it,” he begged. “¢ What fo’ ?” “Tt tickles me. plantation.” But Shoo-Fly kept right on. Uncle Pete’s feet began to move. his face. “© Oh, kill me,” exclaimed he, ‘‘I’se too sweet to lib. Shoo-Fly, stop dat music.” ‘‘Kain’t; ’se wound up an’ de key am lost.” ‘* Whoa!” bawled Uncle Pete, his feet moving more ac- tively and patting time. “‘I’se a young moke agin. I’se a daisy. T’sede pet ob de yaller gals. Oh, scratch me wid a briar!”’ “* All hands around. Swing your partners!” bawled Shoo-Fly, twanging away on the banjo. ‘Hit me wid a rosebud—I’se a week-old baby. Ki, smother me wid milk. I feel as good’as a kitten!” screeched Uncle Pet, as he flung off his coat and dashed intoa regular plantation shufile. “*Go in,” advised Shoo-Fly. ‘Shake up dem gravel- smashers. Fust ting you know youse’ll be getting six cents a week and board yourself wid a variety show.” Uncle Pete was full of enthusiasm. He hopped about with remarkable spryness for a man of his years, and got putting in fancy steps. ““Olar de kitchen. T’se ain’t no slouch if I do haye~ fits!” he panted. ‘‘ Watch me frow my hoofs.” ‘* Bully fo’ de ole man; some mo’,” encouraged Shoo- Fly, manipulating the banjo with considerable skill. } Budden y two shadows appeared. in the door. Two exclamations were uttered, | * Morciful Hebbens!” “Great Lord!” Shoo-Fly looked up. Standing in the doorway were Parson Sweetoil, the shep- herd of Uncle Pete’s flock, and Sister Pairaces, Uncle Pete’s lady-love, both of whom were intensely religious, and considered dancing and singing worldly songs a rank abomination. : Uncle Pete, though, was so engrossed in his break-down, that he did not notice them, yh a “T’se a hopping whale. I’se a cat-fish wif ha’r on my teeth!” he declared. ‘‘ I’se a winged hoss ob de prairie!” ‘‘ He’s crazy!” exclaimed the parson, while Sister Pair- aces wept in her handkerchief. Uncle Pete heard the exclamation. He looked around now. / Then he made a dive into a near-by feed box. ‘¢ Kiber me up, Shoo-Fly. I don’t want ter lib any longer.” *‘ Such sinful depravity,” groaned the parson. **Tn one ob his years,” said the sister. ‘* He ain’t done nuffin’,” defended Shoo-Fly. “* Whatd youse two want ’round heah, anyhow? We ain’t got noold clothes to sell.” The pair held up their hands in holy horror. » ** Do you know us?” asked the parson. ‘© No, sah; I’se don’t want to,” ‘*T’se Parson Sweetoil.” *T’se doan’t keer if yer was Parson Kerosene ile. skip—we don’t want no tramps.” “But I want a few words with my misguided brudder.” “Yer brudder got hung long ’go. He ain’t ’round heah anywhere. ’Spects youse after de chickens.” “T will come in,” said the parson, advancing. Now Shoo-Fly’s parrot was cocked up in the hay-loft taking all the sport in, Fey 4 Golly, I used to dance it on de ole A broad grin usurped a: Joss »
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Fite SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL, 3 —- He concluded to take a hand at the game. “Blast their blasted eyes—kill em!” he hoarsely shrieked -from his perch aloft. , The pastor started back as if a barrier had suddenly risen before him. «What's that?” he gasped. “Oh, demnation, give me a razor till I go down and cut i their throats!’ Poll called. \ The parson conjectured at once that some person pecu- \ liarly blood-thirsty was concealed up stairs. ‘He retreated. “Pll call on my erring brudder some mo’ seasonable time,” said he. ; “Bounce the sucker! Hit him with a_beer-glass!” ordered Poll,‘and the parson retreated in a hurry, while Poll chuckled herself almost into a fit, and issued an in- stant order for a fabulous amount of crackers. Presently Uncle Pete came crawling out of the feed box presenting a most pitiful sight. «Am dey gone?” he asked. «Slightly,” grinned Shoo-Fly. . a: “Tse a mis’ble sinner, I’se a goner, shuah,” wailed Uncle Pete, ‘‘I hab yielded to de debil.” “Oh, cheese it! Hab a can-can now?” urged Shoo-Fly, starting off on his banjo again. “Break dat banjo up,” requested Uncle Pete, solemnly. 1. **Won’t youse dance?” ; “Neber mo’. Take it out ob my sight, I’s a lost nigger.” “Reckon dat youse’ll stay lost,” retorted Shoo-Fly; “dar ain’t nobody keers enough *bout youse to offer a reward.” “De debil’s got me!” Uncle Pete wailed. “Put him in the fire!” sternly ordered the parrot from above. Uncle Pete jumped about half a foot. <* What was dat?” asked he. “Spirts,” assured Shoo-Fly. * Dar ain’t none,” reassured Uncle Pete, trying to shake ois superstitious fears. ‘Give him six months!” called out the parrot, flying down. Uncle Pete made a grand rush for the bird. “Tf Iketches you Tl wring your neck!” he cried. Poll flew triumphantly up on a beam oyer his head. “<Ta-ta, I shall strike you with a feather,” she chirped. ‘Go soak your head, you bald-headed fool.” Uncle Pete moved reluctantly toward the house, full of remorse at beg entrapped into a dance. 3 “Dat Shoo-Fly is N. G.,” he muttered. ‘Allus cutting up some debiltry wid de ole man. ’Spect dat if I ever gets to Hebben he'll come along an’ steal my harp.” ' Shoo-Fly was generally up to some lark or another. He had a great way of getting even with folks who dis— pleased him, in a style that was not very pleasant to them. He had one particular enemy that was a nobby, sweet- scented young man down at the village dry-goods store. _ His name was Adolphus McGonigal Brown, and he postured for a masher. He split his hair plump center, wore a white vest all the year around, had the highest collars that could be built, and was a regular ‘‘oh, George, ’m too sweet to touch” aby. ate _ He had: fired Shoo-Fly ont of the store half-a-dozen times for various things, and Shoo-Fly wasn’t the sort of a peanut to stand such funny business without a kick, So it happened that he casually dropped into the store one afternoon. Quite a crowd was there. ae Especially half a dozen silly young girls whom Adolphus flirted with, and imagined to be completely gone on him, He was in his glory. ; ‘“‘Halloo, Ace of Spades!” he cried, when Shoo-Fly slouched in, ‘‘who dealt you out?” - . *‘Halloo, Clammety Clothespins!” politely retorted ¥ Shoo- Fly, ‘‘who opened de cage for youse to fly out? Birdie hab a worm?’ rae : “You're too fresh for a nigger,” answered Adolphus, . savagely, especially as he heard several giggles. “<*Youse ain’t fresh ’nuff,”” “Yll bounce you out of this store, you black imp!” “Don’t; youse might mnss dat pretty blonde’ wig ob’ yours. Whar did youse get it—in de grab-bag?” “Shut up! do you hear?” *‘Kain’t; ain’t got no change.” «Tl make you.” _ **G'way, George; Ise a bad little nig. Ise’ll go out and eat moons, and Tl kill youse wif my breaf! Why don’t youse get a glass case ober youse, and go sit in de windy wid ‘dese monkeys, ten cents a dozen,’ onto youse?” Adolphus jumped over the counter and started to fling Shoo-Fly out bodily, when a burly farmer interfered. “Leave the little rat alone,” said he; ‘“‘this is a free country.” pe DB ape wouldn’t be loose if it wasn’t,” Fly. j “Y'll make you sick!” threatened Adolphus, raising his yardstick, “No, you won’t,” laughed the farmer. ‘Just you go back behind the counter and cool off. ,As for you (to Shoo-Fly) put a stop on your tongue for a while.” “Tse"ll be as dumb as a pickled iyster,” promised Shoo- Fly. yy Dar’s gwine to be some fun ’round heah pretty soon. ‘Sure enough there was. Presently the express messenger came in. : He was lugging a large box carefully done and tied up in brown paper... ‘For you, Mr. Brown—one dollar to pay,” he said. «Where is it from?” asked Brown. “Darien.” ‘Who from?” . - «‘There’s no name on the bill.” “What's in it?” *‘Don’t suppose that I leoked—did you?” . “Birthday present,” said Shoo-Fly, who- knew that it was Adolphus’ birthday. ‘‘Mebbe it am diamonds, or a steam yacht.” . «Probably it is a birthday present,” said Brown, with | the air of a man who was accustomed to receiving birth- day presents every day in the week, as he handed over his dollar. Of course the ladies present were all curiosity to discoy- er what the box contained, By “Open it, Mr. Brown,” pleaded one of the fair damsels. Adolphus took out his knife and cut the encompassing strings. The tearing off of the brown paper discovered a white wrapper and a delicate rose-tinted note. Adolphus hastily tore it open. He blushed as he read “it. Bes “Gib it to us loud!” requested Shoo-Fly, who, of course, had pushed himself into the front ranks of the lookers-on. “Do,” requested the ladies, in chorus. “Really, my modesty forbids,-for you know however flattering it may be to—to myself, itis scarcely the prop- er thing to divulge a young lady’s evidently hopeless affec- tion for my humble self, seeing——” rattled off Brown. _ “Gib us de rest in a dipper,” remarked Shoo-Fly. | “Read de note.” Adolphus in reality was dying to do so. Without further entreaty he began. The note ran this way: . “Dear Mr. BrowN:—Probably you will wonder at my forwardness in addressing you, butI cannot help it. Your put in Shoo- manly heart has overpowered my maiden.coyness. Please accept from me a little birthday present. We shall meet day . 4
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t SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. with a sweet—sweet kiss, ‘Your daisy dumpling, “Matting KpwArps.” yum—yum!” gasped Shoo-Fly, ‘‘somebody club Oh, Mattie, ain’t you, awful? Open de pack- soon. Govod-by, ducky darling, believe me 6é Oh. the baby: [B8e ~ Adolphus tore off the white paper; a wooden hox ap- cee “¢ Guess what it is,”” he requested. The guesses flew around lively. <4 gold watch!” « Sleeve buttons!” © Pair of flat-irons!” ‘New hat! * Pistol!” x x ‘* Box of perfumery!” : “© Potatoes!” , Adolphus determined to satisfy their curiosity. He pried open the box with his Dee And then was revealed: A dead cat! Not a cat that had secretly died, but a cat that you could toll was not alive by its smell. Great . Gawd!” cried Adolphus, starting horror. _‘Dat’s a bully old bull-dog present, » taunted Shoo-Fly; “de gal ought to, senda grave *long wid it. Shoo! she mus’ be awful gone on youse.’ «A blasted pwactical joke!” declared Adolphus, hold- ing the box out at arms’ length, Bhoo- -Fly. gaye, it a tilt that sent. the cat flying in the dandy clerk’s face. “Put some-of it on. your handkerchief,”? he advised, as he skipped out of the store, with the. dead cat hurled by Adolphus whizzing oyer his head. ~~ Shoo-Fly had put the jobup. It was he who had sent the box to Adolphus—only a white friend, a gay college boy, had written the note for him. ‘There was a big fall of-snow next day. _ Shoo-Fly aud a lot of little niggers ate looked up to him as a sort of leader, were out snowballing. They were having a grand time.’ Presently Shoo-k Ely discovered a couple of tramps— nile and female—coming up the street. This was great graft. ; « Qet behind de corner, boys, and gib it to dem when dey come ’ronnd,” he ordered. The boys obeyed. They crouched in the shadow of a building, and waited _ expectantly. As luck would have it, Uncle Pete with Widow Pairaces were calling at a house just around the corner.. He and the widow came out of the door just ahead of the tramps. Sige Fly saw their shadows coming around the corner. He mistook them for the tramps. “Here de come, boys,” he shouted, ‘When I say ‘snow: ball dem,’ guy it to dem hot an’ heaby fo’ der New Year’s!” back in CHAPTER II. Around the corner came Uncle’ Pete and the Widow Pairaces. They were conversing 1 lovin ly about some par by which * was to come off soon, when the intention was to present Parson Sweetoil with a pair of embroidered er RREH from his loving flock. tC Dey am grand,” said Sister Pairaces. « Dat so2” asked Unicle Pete. _ ‘De dead trufe. Deré am a pair ob red parrots a sing- ing on a fence rail wid a leetle yaller dog looking up at dem.” «Dat am bery voluptuous. Bery am——~ Just then they arrived at the fatal corner. Shoo-Fly was ready. _ ‘* Gib it to de tramps!” he yolled., A perfect volley of snow- balls saluted the pair. ‘* Glory hallelujah!” cried Uncle Pete, staggering back. ‘Hit dem agin—dey’s got no frens!” bawled Shoo-Fly. The little nigs yesponded nobly. A second rolley rattled over U ned Pete and crushed his fair companion’s bonnet out of Paap ** Help—help!” cried she. ** Aren’t wese helping vause? Shoo-Fly: aglled gently dislocating her false teeth with a regular “soaker ® of a snow-ball. “T’ll:murder de whole ob youse,” threatened Uncle Pete, dodging a couple of hot ones. ‘Print it on a pie plate,” answered Shoo- Fly. | ai Youse | dog-goned tramps am putting on too much airs.’ * Who's a tramp?” ‘asked Uncle Pete; doubling up im- mediately afterwards from a'slug in the stomach. As for Sister Pairaces, she wasin a dilemma. ‘‘ Fire! help! police!” she shouted. ‘*Somebody wash de: ole chromo’s face and site ap ‘her, mouf,” requested Shoo-Fly. “An adventurous nig by the name of Catton tried to do it. “He came up about to the sister’s: knee,but he was plucky enough; to, make @ very: bad pirate. , 4 But his enemy had an,umbrella. A big cotton, umbrella —emphatically the weapon of the colored ‘sister hood. She brought it down with a thump that made Cotton’s skull see stars, and upset him, head first, in.a snow-drift, ‘* Get up, Pete!” cried she, elated with her. triumph.’ “Olar de yearth ob all dese young debils.” Another flood of snow- -balls, upset both her and Unele Pete. Uncle Pete tipped his hat. back. The movement dis- closed. his full face, Shoo-Fly caught a glance of the familiar: countenangg.. and dropped a hard- pressed: snowbi ul, containing a marble, a small stick and several pebbles, in consternation. ‘* Cheese it!” he yelled, skedaddling off. The rest followed his example, except one unfortunate coon who got caught by Sister Pairaces,, and had his ears nearly boxed off. «‘Wha’s de matter, Shoo-Fly?” asked Cotton, who had got up and headed the retreat. Shoo-Fly grinned all over, Who do yonse s’pose dey was?’ ‘he queried, «Who was who?” «Te ole liy er-lips dat we snow-balled.” «Two tramps.” «No, sah.” “Den who?” “Uncle Pete and Widow Pairaces.” ce wa ite “T’se a telling it with directness. steak!” All of the crowd had a jolly good laugh, Meanwhile the two victims were discongolately arrang-— ing their toilets, and brushing the snow off of themselves. “Did youse eber see such audacity?” groaned Sister Pairaces. “© Neber,” sighed Uncle Pete.’ “ Heah am my best black i Golly, what-a beef- yest, dat ole Massa Ike. gib me when he died tw enty yeah ' ‘ago, all bust up.” “Who was dey?” ** Niggers.” “What niggers?” «Tm almost stiah dat I recognized dat’ yere Shoo- Fly.” ‘<Dat boy is bornedito get hung.” “Ts’ll hang him up Poainst de wall wid a rope, ante para- lyze him wid a good cat- ob-nine-tails,” threatened Uncle ete. ‘‘ Ise gwine right home to find ‘out if it were he, se Uncle Pete did go. Shoo- Fly, by a rapid transit on the runner of a sleigh, a
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SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL, : 5 wes SS SS SS ST cut-behind on & wagon, and a dash through a field, had got there before him. And Shoo-Fly was sitting by the cosy wood-fire in the “kitchen, apparently studying his’ Stinday-school lesson. *« Moses fit de faro bank—Moses fit'de faro bank,” he re- peated, in a sort of sing-song’ way. “‘ Wha’s dat?” demanded Uncle Pete. ‘* Joseph had a coat ob many colors, hitit on de back wid an ole baked cruller,” went on Shoo- Fly. «© Whoa dar, chile!” ordered Uncle Pete. ss Daniel in de bullrushes wid a golden calf—tfelled in de ditch an’ all the niggers laff!” Shoo-Fly repeated, seeming- ly from the book before him. 6 Shoo- -Fly,” solemnly said’ Uncle Pete, ‘dat ain’t right.” : a Know it *taint—it’s de book.” *“No ’scuses.Shoo-Fly, Ise has a word fo’ you.” «« Spit it out.” ** It am a berry particular word.” ‘**Den why don’t youse put red ribbons on it, an’ any ibin on wheels?” “No tomfoolery. I want youse to speak de trufe.” ‘*T allus does.” “‘Inahorn. Shoo-Fly, listen to me.” Mb athe : “« Did youse ’satilt me wid snow balls?” Shoo-Fly’s face could not have expressed more astonish- ment if a winged whale had suddenly flown into the room. “Did I do what?” exclaimed he.’ “¢ Did youse ’sault me an’, de Widow Pairaces wid snow- balls?” «Ts dar snow outside?” innocently asked Shoo-Fly. ‘Ob course. Now doan’t youse play simple. Was it you dat fired de snowballs?” ‘* Nebber set fire to no snowballs. “<4 Nat ain’t de question.” “Oh, He somebody snowball youse, Uncle Hotere Se if bee be it??* “Dat’s jess what Ise want to find out. Was it you?” Shoo-Fly perceived that Uncle Pete was not certain as to his identity. ; So he put ona look of gilded and high-toned guileless- ness. “T’s been in dis yer kitchen all de morning,” declared he, ‘‘studyin’. ob de Sunday-schiool lesson. Jess tell me t Dey won’t barn.” who it was dat snowballed youse, an’ I’ll bust dere gall fo’ dem, shuah. I’s wicked to de heel, Unele Pete.” «Shuah it wasn’t your” “‘Shuah, cross my heart; hope to die; take my oath on a bean bag. ¥ Uncle Pete was fain to believe him; he had no positive -proof to the contrary. He left the room without another word. Shoo-Fly grinned all over with his characteristic, copy- righted grin, as he heard the door shut. “Dat was spreadin’ob de taffy.on wid a shovel,” he said, _throwing his lesson-book away across the room, and doing a sort of dissipated double-shuffle. A few days after the incident aboye narrated, Shoo-Fly got himself into another scrape. A travelling showman, named Perrywinke, came along with a panorama. It was a moral and religious panorama, he said, pre- eminent] i adapted to Sabbath-schooa exhibitions, church ae and entertainments of a highly vixpuous class gener- ue the Methodist Sunday-school hired him to give it at a gathering in their church lecture-room. "The deacon was a prime mover in the enterprisé, and on the night of the exhibition Mr. Perrywinkle took sup- per with him. The dialogue.turned on the forthcoming exhibition. “Tt would go much better with music,” suggested Mr. Perr winkle. ow?” asked the deacon. Hott music, suggestively tender. For instance, I have one view of the River Jordan. An unseen player behind the panorama might play: ‘Roll, Jordan, Roll,’ and softly sing 1b; the effect: is immense.” The idea struck the deacon very favorably. «There ain’t any plano in the room, atti ” he de- murred. ‘Nor a melodeon?” ‘*No.? “Nor a parlor organ?” ‘No, Mr. Perrywinkle frowned. ‘Then we will haye to give the idea up,” said he. “We might get Shoo- -Fly and his banjo,” suggested the deacon, with a laugh. ‘Who is Shoo- Fly?” asked Mr, Perrywinkle. The deacon explained. “Can he play good?” ~ “Excellently.” “And sing?” “Like a bird. | Lreckon he knows about three hundred tunes.” ' “The very thing,” exclaimed Mr. RAS, enthus- iastically. “What, a banjo in a church?” horrifiedly asked the deacon. . “In a good cause—in a good cause, my dear sir,” Feplicd Mr. Perrywinkle. ‘Down at Diamond Hill church we had a bass drum and a tamborine; and nobody objected,” “Well,” hesitated the deacon, “if it’s all’ right?” “Most assuredly, sir. Call in Shoo-Fly.” Shoo-Fly was called in from a vigorous attack on pork and beans in the kitchen. He was told what was wanted of him. ** Can you do it?” asked Mr. Perrywinkle. “Dead shush. I’se boss ob de banjo and a gold medal vocalist,” replied Shoo-Fly. .‘‘Jess'youse gib me the prop- er steer, an’ I’se’il jess be de holiest ting about de show.” Mr. Perr ywitikle took Shoo-Bly down to the church. And. he gave him a_priyate rehearsal of the panorama with the musi¢ cues and so forth. «* When yon see my Seo picture of Paradise; play the ‘Sweet By-and-by.’ When you see my painting os Paul, start up, ‘Only an Armor Bearer,’ etc., etc.” Shoo- Fly faithfully promised. At last 1t came time for the exhibition to come off. : The room. was crowded “als che first families of the vil- age. Shoo-Fly sat, ready with hie banjo behind the panorama. Mr. Perrywinkle went out front, delivered a brief rheto- rical flight relative to the extreme sanctity and moral goodness of the panorama. Then he stepped beliind and shoved in the first picture: <¢ Jerusalem.” Shoo-Fly played a brief overture and softly sang: “Jerusalem the golden, ' With milk and honey blest, Beneath thy contemplation, | Sinks heart and voice oppressed.” The eftect was fine and the andience heartily spelen Mr. Perrywinkle was delighted. He rubbed his hands together gleefully. : ! «Tt wouldn’t be a bad idea to hire the little me le ; gether to have with the panorama,” he said, Everything went well for a time. Mr. see a man.’ He left the panorama in Shay of an assistant named *“old Jake. 4 War Perr rywinkle concluded ve take a short He “to 5
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F 6 SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. Old Jake was as deaf as a post, and couldn’t hear a can- non a yard off. | He knew how to run the panorama, and that:was about all that he did know. . Shoo-Fly by this time was becoming rather mixed. His memory, never particularly retentive, had forgotten the songs for the different pictures. Old Jake pushed on the picture of a knock-kneed young man.in a pink ulster and no trousers, rambling towards a blue house in whose door stood something that looked like an educated pig extending his front paws. But it wasn’t. The pink ulster young man was the “ Prodigal Son,” and the educated pig was supposed by popular courtesy to be his ‘father. zs ‘* Prodigal Son!” growled old Jake, as a cue for Shoo- ly. “‘Dog-gone me if I’se ain’t gone an’ forgot de propah chune,” muttered Shoo-Fly, scratching his wool. _ Music!” called an impatient voice from the audience, In desperation, Shoo-Fly struck up: ‘« When Johnny comes marching home again, Hurrah—hurrah! We'll give him a hearty welcome then, Hurrah—hurrah! De ole church bells will ring with joy, T'o welcome home our darling boy; And we’ll all get blind drunk, Johnny, fill up the bowl.” ‘There was some applause, several exclamations of aston- ishment, and one subdued hiss from the front, Everybody wore a look of astonishment on their faces. Old Jake, though, imagined that it was all right. { He yanked on a painting of ‘¢ Moses.” Off started Shoo-Fly with: fous ‘¢ Whoa, Moses! oh, Moses, ~ Dere goes the sheeney Vot sells de ole clotheses; Whoa, Moses! oh, Moses, Dat’s vot dey holler wherever I go.” ae The deacon, who was sitting in front, got red in the face. : “That Shoo-Fly must be crazy or drunk,” he uneasily muttered; ‘‘where is that Perrywinkle?, By Gosh, this is rough.” Old Jake next obtruded a chromo of ‘Daniel in the Lion’s Den.” . «‘ He comes rolling home in the morning, Gives the door the devil’s own bang, z An’ me heart is broke, God knows it is, Since ‘Terry joined the gang,” sang Shoo-Fly, blithe as any lark. "It?s a shame!” “* Put him out!” ‘*Tt’s an outrage!” «Who is it singing?” et These and other audible cries of shocked surprise were heard all ever the hall. : The déacon grabbed his hat. : _ V1 go behind that panorama in a minute and _histe “Shoo-Fly,”” said the deacon. ‘* Where is Perrywinkle?” - Just then Perrywinkle came into the hall, and scrambled down to the deacon’s side. os} a ARNG Big success—ain’t it?” he said. ”*Tt’s a thundering shame, by gol!” replied the deacon. pic W hy?” " «Shoo-Fly’s raising Old Ned.” of How?” : --** He’s singing all sorts of slang songs,” ** Impossible,” gasped Perrywinkle. ««Sust you listen.” A kerosene oil painting of Martha Washington appeared in sight, ; ; Shoo-Fly’s banjo was. heard, and. immediately after Shoo-Fly’s voice, singing: “«She’s a darling, ‘she’s a daisy, : She’s a dumpling, she’s a squash; frecr You should hear her play on the pi-an-a, Such an education has our Marth Wash!” Perrywinkle made one bound onto the stage. He nearly knocked down old Jake in his haste. “© You young devil!” he shouted, grabbing Shoo-Fly by the wool, ‘‘ what do you mean?” «¢ Wha’s de mattah?” ejaculated Shoo-Fly. ‘* You’ve spoiled the whole panorama.’” ©?Tain’t good *nuff to spile.” Without another word Perrywinkle dragged Shoo-Fly to. the back door and kicked him out. “Tar!” exclaimed Shoo-Fly, ruefully, as he picked him- self up, ‘‘I’se a heathen from dis day. Dat’s what youse get fo’ assistin’ ob de chu’ch along!” CHAPTER II. ONE day the deacon discovered that there was not enough work for Shoo-Fly about the house to fully employ his time. And as Shoo-Fly idle was invariably a nuisance, the question’ arose as to what should be done with him, The deacon cogitated over it. ‘¢ What shall Ido with Shoo-Fly, Uncle Pete?” he ask- ‘*Kill him,” replied Uncle* Pete, without a moment’s hesitation. ‘‘He am de wust young debil dat ebber I knew.” ee LK ‘I shall’send him to school,” at last determined the deacon. ; “De good Laud pity de school,” peevishly exclaimed Uncle Pete, with a shake of his head. : Shoo-Fly was called. He was informed that on the next day he should go to school. pat He didn’t care. He announced his perfect willingness to go anywhere.” >> The next day he went. Ane village school was in session when he arrived out- side. Mr. Thwacker, the teacher, had just got up to give out the morning hymn, when abrick flew through the window and landed clean ker-flump on his desk. He sprang back with great agility for his age. “Who done that?” he asked. He had hardly got the word out of his mouth when a big boy with a big head, a big watch chain and big clothes, uttered a yell as if a Comanche Indian had suddenly scalp- ed him. Ob, my!” he shouted. “What ‘ails you, Stevie?” asked Mr. Thwaeker; for Steven was the son of the richest man in the village, and, consequently, was the master’s favorite. «<QOw—ouch!” bawle? Stevie, “somebody struck me,” «Somebody struck you?” ‘Yes, sir.” What with?” “A snow-ball. They opened the’ door and fired it in,” Oh, I want to go home—it’s all down my neck, and I know I shall catch the croup.” ~ ‘Did any scholar see who it was that hit Stevie?” asked Mr. Thwacker. “Yes, sir,” chorused half a dozen. ‘Who was it?” “Shoo-Fly, sir.” : Now the teacher was not on*personal terms with Shoo- | Fly.
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SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. 2 H _ Who's: Shoo-Fly?” asked he. ‘Deacon Hoyt’s little nigger, replied half a dozen. Just here another interruption occurred. A boy came pitching through the door as if he had been shot out of acannon. ‘He rolled over on the floor; upset a bench of little girls, and was finally picked up with great difficulty. \ There was a beautiful ring of black around the boy’s eye, and his head and the upper part of his body was dripping wet. Mr. Thwacker dragged him up by the collar. << Hizra Dobbs,” said he, ‘‘ what do you mean by coming in in such a disgraceful style?” Tain’t my fault,” glared Hzra, defiantly. ‘* Whose is it?” ; © Shoo-Fly. Pll get our hired man to kill him.” » «What did he do?” ‘* He was outside,” sniveled Hzra, ‘‘a swimming of a cat in the water-pail. I told him to stop, and he up and blackened my eye and dumped me in the water-pail.” Mr. Thwacker grasped his ruler, and started out of the door. **. t Evidently Shoo-Fly had expected an expedition of this sort, for no sooner had the door closed before the wintow opened, and Shoo-Fly made his entrance. He gained a ‘front seat by the simple expedient of threatening to cut the head off of the boy who occupied it, if said boy did not instantly vacate. _ Therefore, when Mr. Thwacker re-entered, Shoo-Fly was one of the first objects that greeted his gaze. “Did you throw that brick?” sternly asked Mr. Thwacker. Be? «© Was dar a brick frowed?” innocently asked Shoo-Fly. SOV OS 'Siiy uhh ate “Sho! wondah who done it? Did it hurt de brick much?” : . «That is not the question. “« Nebber seed de brick, sah.” ; Mr. Thwacker determined to try another tack. ‘* What made you hit Steve Reynolds with the snow- ball?” he asked, . «What snowball?” asked Shoo-Fly, in return. ** Did you throw it?” «My right arm par’lyzed. I kain’t throw wid de left, kin 1?” «© You did, nevertheless.” <* Youse kajin’t prove it,” said Shoo-Fly, cunningly. | Mr. Thwacker couldn’t. So he went for Shoo-Fly upon the assault and attempted . drowning of Ezra Dobbs. Shoo-Fly acknowledged the offense. “Dat yer boy come along and he called out: Did you do it?” ‘* ‘Nigger—nigger neber die, Black face and chiney eye,’ and,” went on Shoo-Fly, ‘‘V’se up and biffed him. If ole Moses hisself should come along in a golden chariot wid angel Wings on de back an’ say dat I'd bust up de whole turnout; shuah! I’se a bad, die-in-a-cellar-nigger dat way.” - Mr. 'Thwacker owned that Shoo-Fly had received provo- cation. «But what made you swim the cat in the water pail?” ; he queried. . coMwasn’t a cat,” said Shoo-Fly. coTwas,” interrupted Ezra Dobbs. © “Kin I jess black dat boy’s oder eye, so dat dey both will match?” asked Shoo-Fly. “No,” replied Mr’ Thwacker; ‘if it wasn’t a cat that you were swimming in the pail, what was it?” “Kitten,” solemnly acknowledged Shoo-Fly; ‘it hadn’t growed up to be a cat yet.” ‘ A general giggle ran around the school, and Mr, Thacker ordered Shoo-Fly to sit down till the opening exercises were over. Shoo-Fly obeyed. A hymn ‘was sung, and then every scholar repeated a verse of some scriptural or moral character. All had essayed-one, when Shoo-Fly arose. “JT know a verse,” said he. ; ‘Repeat it,” said Mr. Thwacker. \ Sao ‘How doth the little crocodile, Improbe each shining minute, Aw’ scratch his head de whole day long, Because dere’s millions in it,” bawled ont Shoo-Fly at the top of his voice. — — ‘Mr. Thwacker with difficulty smothered a laugh, and called Shoo-Fly up to his desk. «« Hver been to school before?” he asked. “Been in de jail,” was Shoo-Fly’s ready answer. ** What do you know?” ‘*T’se comme to de skule to find out.” Mr. Thwacker pulled up a history. ‘“Who discovered America?” he exclaimed, «* Moses?” ‘Who invaded England?” ‘* Daniel in the Lion’s Den.” “Who was Joan of Are?” y ‘°Spects she didn’t lib in our block,” answered Shoo Fly, scratching his wool. “Your history does not amount to much,” smiled Mr. Thwacker. ‘‘ Spell cow.” : ** B-n—-ll—cow.”s" ‘< Spell horse.” ‘* N-a-g—horse.” ; “Your spelling is as bad as your history, Take’ the book, and sit down in the corner studying this spelling les- son. ; Shoo-Fly took the book and retreated to a stool in the corner, ' It was a most remarkable thing, but he had not been there five minutes before a spelling-class in front of him sat down in their seats. _ They arose, however, with phenomenal alacrity and earnest yells. Stes i ; ‘« Somebody,” wailed the head boy, “‘stuck pins in the bench.” ; «© Who did it?” ‘‘Shoo-Fly!” cried out a white-headed little girl. ‘* B-a-t—codfish, b-a-g—whale, b-a-r—church, b-u-g¢ elephant,” spelled Shoo-Fly to himself, rocking away in. his seat, apparently engrossed in his lesson to the exclusion oy | of everything else. ‘Come here, Shoo-Fly,” invited Mr. Thwacker. Shoo-Fly went. “¢ Hold out your hand.” Shoo-Fly did, and the ruler descended with a ‘‘thwack.” Mr. Thwacker was justly named. : Shoo-Fly went back to his seat in a swaggering manner, Presently a terrific uproar arose from the white-headed little girl who had told on him. She arose up with her white head blackened, and riy- ulets of ink slowly trickling down her face. ‘‘Who did that?” sternly demanded Mr. Thwacker. “¢ Shoo-Fly,” came the response. ‘‘Did you pour ink on that little girl’s head?” Mr, Thwacker said. ‘‘ Rather ’spect so, sah.” ‘What made you do it?” “¢ Jess wanted ter make’a brunette out ob her, sah. I does allus hate tosee a gal wid hair jess like a chicken’s,” excused Shoo-Fly. ‘*Dat yere gal’s folks will be proud ob her when she goes home lookin’ ’spectable.,.” But Mr. Thwacker did not accept the ingenious explana-. tion. - ; Instead, Shoo-Fly got a second visitation frém the ruler.
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= ‘ about. <‘Some scholar istrying to -to one side, looked up at him and chirped: SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. a ‘¢ Dar ain’t a bit ob fun in dis ole school,” he growled, retreating to his seat. ‘‘ Reckon dat I'll git some gun- powder an’ blow de whole ting up.” Shoo-Fiy went home at the noon recess. He brought his parrot back to school with him. Not openly, but concealed under his coat. Arriving at the school Shoo-Fly took out the bird, and while the other scholars were not looking, hid it beneath his feet. As luck willed it Doctor Zeruble appeared that day, Doctor Zernble was a great man on’a penny scale. He had a large house, considerable money, was chairman of |- the school board, and lorded it over almost everybody, as the big man of a country town is apt to do. Mr. Thwacker received the doctor with great obsequious- mess. Terel p «‘ Won’t you make a few remarks?” he asked. The doctor complied. |” : He was-a regular slouch of a speaker, but he didn’t know it. § 3 5 (13 He had a delusion that he could hold multitudes spell- bound by the magic of his eloquence. “« Dear boys and girls,” he began,. ‘‘I did not really ex- pect to speak before you this afternoon. ” : «© Qh, shut up!” squeaked Shoo-Fly’s parrot, incited’ by its malicious master. tt wie The doctor paused in consternation. ‘*Who spoke?” he demanded. ri dik at eiirety” ante “ “harley Molasses!” squeaked the parrotagain. Charles’ Molasses, ‘stand :up,” ordered the doctor weverely. Sua ee * There isn’t any Charles Molasses in the school,” fal- ‘tered Mr. Thwacker. a : “© Who said that there was?” asked ‘the doctor. ' ** Billy Mud!” ‘responded the! parret. 99 ly 94 *© William Mud, arise!’ thundered the doctor. - Nobody stirred. ‘erg . °**There isn’t any William’ Mud in the school, either,” said Mr. Thwacker, almost trembling. . *©This ‘is ‘most vemarkable;” ‘said the doctor, glaring t perpetrate a practical jeke; some scholar will be severely ——’ ' Put the rest on the next load!” commanded the parrot. <‘ Who spoke?” roared the doctor. *<Take'a day off and find out,” replied the parrot. “Who wasit?? Daniel in the lions’ den. » Whoop, set Double six, you'sucker,” rattled off ** Nancy Lee ’em up for the’ boys. the parrot. The doctor got red with rage. “Mr, 'hwacker,” he said, ‘‘this isa nice way to con- duct a school.” “Pm sure I don’t know who is talking.” excused Mr, Thwacker. “You should find out sir,” said the doctor. ‘‘You should——” «Spit on a towel and take a bath,”. interrupted the par- rot. ‘*Glory Hallelujah! Zwi beer—grip the graft,” howled that noble bird of Shoo-Fly’s. The doctor grasped his cane and put on his hat. “*T won’t stay to be insulted. Mr. Thwacker, you will regret this, sir,” he said, going out. And as he passed the door the parrot sweetly cried: “‘Qver the sewer, baby. Pull down your socks and don’t get your feet wet!” en his departure Mr. Thwacker called the school to order. ; ' “J will give a bright gold dollar to anyone who can tell me who caused all this disorder,” he promised. Asif endowed with powers of understanding, the par- rot wriggled away from Shoo-Fly, crept under the benches to the school-master’s desk, and cocking its head saucily ae Vil take the pot!” . ou A ee a a a en A roar of laughter went up from the school. In a mo- ment Mr. Thwacker saw the cause of the unpleasantness. <* Whose parrot is it?” asked he. yetite “¢ Shoo-Fiy’s,” responded the same old chorus. Shoo-Fly, of course, was immediately waltzed up to the desk again. And he and the ruler«met fot the third time. After which he was sent home with the polite intimation that the society of parrots was not wished for in that school. Now Shoo-Fly didn’t like these fights with the ruler. Neither was he mashed on Mr. Thwacker. ig He resolved to get square upon the latter. Somewhere or other he procured a torpedo. Not one of those little innocent torpedoes which come five cents a a pack, but a-kind now prohibited by law, but very popu- lar some years ago, called ‘‘ The Union Torpedo.” He took it'to school with him the next day. Mr. Thwacker had a habit, when vine) gates any truth, of bringing his rulerdown with a thump onto his desk, Whether by habit or design he almost invariably struck the same spot. ‘ ‘Shoo-Fly was aware of this, vite: While Mr. Thwacker was out to lunch, Shoo-Fly cut the baize covering on, his desk, dug away the wood beneath it, inserted the torpedo and carefully replaced the baize so. that not a particular observer could detect the tampering. Pretty soon Mr. Thwacker came back. - He called the school to order and raked up the geogra- phy class. ; “ Shoo-Fly.”he asked, ‘‘ what is an ocean?” “A body of land entirely surrounded by water,” howled _ Shoo-Fly., - imcrs { ; _ © Put on the dunce cap,” ordered Mr. Thwacker, “‘and go-stand.up on the stool, . Your head is principally com- posed of mortar.” — ed paie ioe as sae - £* What is an ocean, anyway?” asked Shoo-Fly, getting | up onto the stool. © ais} ie : \ “* An ocean,” shouted Mr. Thwacker, bringing the ruler There was a sudden explosion that caus- down, ‘ is——” ; ed hirn to start back as if shot! CHAPTER IV... Mr THWACKER could not have been more surprised if a two-headed.crane had emerged frem the floor and com- menced a song and dance. SSRs ‘Bless my soul!” he cried, dazedly watching the smoke clear away,from the top of his desk. ‘* What was that?” ‘‘ Somethin’ bust,” informed Shoo-Fly, with a remarka- bly sober face, «Tt was de top of de desk,” said a second frightened darkey, who had dove down-under the benches in a spasm ° of fear. Fath, “« Lemme go fo’ de fire bullgine?” requested Shoo-Fly. “Stay where you are,” sternly ordered Mr, Thwacker. <‘This must be investigated.” : He examined the top of his desk. The marks of the explosion were plainly visible in the suape of burnt bits of leather, charred splinters and par- ticles of the torpedo. = “Somebody put a torpedo onto my desk,” answered Mr. Thwacker. “ood Lawd!” exclaimed Shoo-Fly, with an assumption of intense surprise; “‘it am a dog-doned wonder dat we } ain’t all stiffies.” 174 “Will you be still?” asked Mr. Thwacker.’ “Who did - it?” “Billy Fisher,” promptly answered Shoo-Fly. ‘William Fisher,” called out Mr. Thwacker. \ In response, a little nigger, with a head of wool like a disturbed mattress, got up and rolled his eyes indignantly at our hero. “Please, thir,” he lisped to Mr. Thwacker, ‘‘Billy Fish- er done gone an’ died de week afo’ last.” st
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SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. “What do you mean by such a lie?” Hues) asked “Mr. Thwacker of onr hero.) « ** S’pect he done it afo’ he died,” responded Shoo-Fly. “To you know so?” “Only s’péct so.” «Then why do you say soz tie ‘Jess dike dat ar’ Billy Visher for to go. an’ do some- thin’, an’ then try to get rid ob de consequences.” “Scholars,” asked’ Mr, Thwacker, disregarding this plausible explanation, ‘‘I have been the victim of a pusil- Janimous——” - _ Dey don’t hab to tie “a Le on dat word when it gets one of you has played me a practical joke of a mean nature. It-was the act of ‘a coward.” ©. “*Dat’s de bressed trufe,” emphatically assented Shoo- Fl xe Whoever did it, stand up.’ . Nobody arose. « Mebbe it was de cat,” insinuated Shoo- Fly, catching sight of a pussy prowling around the back of the room. “« Probably it was you,” pointedly said Mr. ‘Thwacker. Shoo- Fly did not hear him. .' He had discovered an ap- ple-core in a pocket of his ulster, and a; prose bended boy , near him with his mouth open. “Jess youse take dat broom by de stable door, and welt de stuffi’ clear out ob dis dog gone mule!” Shoo-Fly shouted. ‘lost, »” interrupted Shoo-Fly; ‘‘it’s big enough to find its way home alone.” *Shoo-Fly!” fairly roared Mr. Thwacker, ‘who. is the head of this school, you or I?” “Put it to de vote,” wisely answered Shoo-Fly, with his hands in his ulster. pockets, and his dunce-cap cocked nob- bily over one eye. “T’]] lick you within an inch of your life if you don’t keep still,” thundered Mr. Thwacker. “Kill me dead?” “<Probabl Ne “Dat’s all right. I b’long to a social club, an’ de boys will bur y me free. Kin J “hab a lilac bush onter | my nave? «Tf you don’t keep still Pll gag you,” at last said Mr. Thwacker, in desperation. Shoo-Fly perceived that he was in earnest. And as Shoo-Fly didn’t have an overwhelming desire to be gagged, he subsided for a minute, and ‘relieved his feel- Ings by firing spit- -balls at a good boy in the back seat, much to the good boy’s evident agony.. * Scholars,” once more resumed Mr. Mhwaoler, « some ““Spects he'll go den!” — It became a matter of speculation to Shoo-Fly whether or not the boy’s.mouth was wide enough spe to admit of the passage of the apple-core. The more Shoo-fly reflected upon the problem, the more did he desire to sce it solved. Taking advantage of a favorable opportunity,. he slyly ‘flung the apple-core. Straight into the red-headed boy’ 8 mouth it BOND to his thunderstruck astonishment. | He gasped and choked and kicked until his “eyes bulged out of his head and his face was the color of a lobster. The attention of the whole school was attracted to him. ‘« Put ice on his head—he’s ‘got fits,”, advised Shoo-Fly. ‘‘He ain’t,” snapped a little girl; “ you throwed an ‘« Smarty—smarty, go swaller de grammer. Ho! said ‘frowed,’ — yer orter said ‘frew,?”: taunted Fl ‘apple-core: down his throat.” youse Shoo- Me Just then the red-headed boy came to. He was DESSIO0 ate, as most red-headed boys are. *“Now, Shoo-Fly, J’m going to tell on yes ae My said. “What fot” asked Shoo: ly. eee vy
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10 SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. oe ee ce a ag ‘<You put the torpedo on Mr, Thwacker’s desk. yer through the winder.” ‘¢He did?” gasped Mr. Thwacker. “< Yes, sir!” Mr. Thwacker made a dive for the ruler. | Shoo-Fly made‘a dive for the door, Out of it'he went like a shot, upsetting three or four who got into his way. Mr. Thwacker-pursued. But he was not quick enough. By the time that he got’ to the doorvall that was visible of Shoo-Fly was: his» coat-tails»vanishing~ over a~distant il I seed That ended Shoo-Fly’s going to school. For the present atleast. And he felt happy about it even if Miss Charity | did give hima tremendous scolding as soon as she heard of the torpedo exploit, _ Sie E Uncle Pete, as you have already guessed, was the chief but of Shoo-Fiy’s jokes. oe One Sunday aight at the negro church Shoo-Fly racketed it on the old man once more. ~ A college boy visiting near-by the deacon’s had a small | music-box—one of those cheap, circular-formed appara- tuses that murdered several tunes. Bh Ok CSRs Gs Shoo-Fly had expressed his admiratian of the instru: ment very loudly, and upon going back to college its owner presented it to Shoo-Fly = = 6 , companied Uncle Pete to church, greatly to the latter's” sorrow, for he didn’t care for Nobody’s Moke as a com-- panion, foracent. ~ “as ts Shoo-Fly had the music-box with him. It wasallwound up. BRN Lat All that it needed to set knob in the.top. BG, AE Re ‘, There was)a revival in progress in the church, and it~ wasn’t long before Uncle Pete took a hand in the univer. sal singing, shouting and praying that was going on all | around bimnes) ' Cave ti -“Bradders and sisters,” he announced, getting up, “I’se ‘a poah, mis’ble sinner. I is an abomination in de sight ‘ob de Lord!” wt gad ; Just here Shoo-Fly slipped the music-box into the speak- ex’s coat-pocket, ah “T is a failure and a fraud,” confessed Uncle Pete. ‘*De debbil hab catched hold ob me, shuah, an’——” Here was where the music-box came 1n. With a preliminary whizz it started off on ‘“Tommy, Make Room for your Uncle.” 3 Uncle Pete, however, was so engrossed in his endeavor to prove himself out:a glazed old humbug, that he did not hear it. He was' partially. deaf, anyhow. . “Oh, I is de mud beneaf a good man’s feet; I is dirt in de ash-cart,” che yelled. | But the rest of the congregation heard the unexpected melody. They gazed at one another with surprise expressed on “their faces. |: ax ! The parson held up his hand for'silence. “‘Dar’s music in the air!” he called out. : ‘‘Somebody’s outside disturbin’ ob dis congregation wid a fiddle,” said a brother. «<*Sh!” exclaimed another; ‘‘datain’t no fiddle talk— it am a pianner.” es a ‘Whar you ’spect anybody’s. gwine to get a pianner,” |. asked che first speaker. ““Mebbe dey bring long ona cart.” “T tole youse dat’s a fiddle.” “Tt’s a pianner!” “Fiddle!” Pianner!” Some, niggers got bout as much ear fo’ music as a cow. Dat’s a fiddle, take my oath.” it going was a pressure on a | Be BOIEe P demusic?” he asked. °~ o * ‘““Who’s gob wax in dere ears?” **You’se.” The two respected brothers got up in their seats, and a quarrel seemed assured. Ty One of them put his hard on his pistol pocket. Several ladies screamed loudly. “Took ont, Brudder Johnsing!” shrieked a feminine voice. ‘‘He carries arazor!” ; Parson Sweetoil got down out of the pulpit. ‘Ts dis a church or a)ftee an’ easy?” he asked. » **Brud- der Simpson, sit down,” he ordered.-‘‘Brudder Johnsing, if youse produces’ any razors in dis church, Ise’ll lick you myself!” F Growling like dogs, the two muscular Christians slunk into their seats. ‘As for the-musi¢ box, it finished “‘Tommy, Make Room for your Uncle,” with a grand flourish, and glided into “The Mulligan Guards.” ee _ *Daxtit goes agin.” -“Ttsin the cemeterary.” «De music am profane!” de music out.” ~ ~ Tell de sexton to fire ' It’s dog-goned wicked!” Bi see ol Such were sample exclamations arising from all parts of “Some niggers got wax in dere ears. Dat’s a pianner.” the building. Instantly a fat negro in front of Uncle Pete made a dis- On the Sunday night of which we write, Shoo-Fly ac- | covery. ‘It?s right behind the,” he announced. ‘<?Pears tome dat it do sound mighty near,” said Uncle |’ Pete; “Shoo-Fly, am it youse?”” ~<Dunno nuffin’ *bout it,” replied Shoo-Fly. “Do you - | s’pose dat Ise got a whole brass band *bout me?” _ ‘The parson stoodup on a seat. ‘‘Who is it dat’s makin’ ‘Nobody replied. © 5 ; Buta great many glgncee were directed at Uncle Pete. ~The parson noticed this, © = . “Ts it you, Uncle Peter?” he interrogated. Unelr ‘Peter was almost paralyzed with astonishment. — . He clambered out into the aisle. © oy Is I ole——” - ; « Fool!” casually remarked Shoo-Fly, while several about grinned. sites | Uncle Pete gritted his teeth, gave Shoo-Fly a savage look, and continued: ‘‘ What fo’ do I want to come into de church an’ make de music? What.is I makin’ it wid, my.mouf?.1 hasn't done got nuffin’ *bout medat plays a tune.” _ As if resolved to prove him a liar, the music-box stopped. short on the “Mulligan Guard,” and cavorted into <* We Won’t Go Home till Morning.” “De music Certainly. precedes from yonah vicinity,” said the parson. ; ‘Kase you see a pipe in my pocket don’t prove ’se smoking, do it?” Uncle Peter inquired. ‘© No, sah.” ‘De -one am jess as tmsensible: as de other. Ise ain*t no musical instrument.” : «Deacon Deadhead, wiil you please fo’ to intervestigate dis yere music?” asked the parson. — The deacon got'up. © ' He was 4 solemn-looking negro, who might haye been taken for a model for a gravestone. He peered under the pulpit with owlish gravity, exam- ined a spittoon carefully, scrutinized the wall, and gazed with supernatural wisdom into the baptismal bowl. He announced solemnly that the music was not there, and then moved down the aisle to Uncle Pete. By. this time the music-box had switched off into its last tune: “Johnny Morgan plays'the Organ.” And_ by the way in which the musi¢-box rattled it off, Johnny Morgan appeared to bel playing the organ with fiendish glee. i a two-year old fly-away niggah, or is Ia ’spectable
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oe ~ der the scr wtiny. SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. 1 The deacon gazed carefully at Uncle Pete’s feet. «*Spect dat Ise got a parlah organ concealed in my shoe?” sarcastically asked Uncle Pete. The deacon made no reply, but examined the rest of Uncle Pete’s person. “Oh, yes, P’se got a banjo in’ my mouf, an’ ’se playin’ * it wid my teefe,” growled Uncle Pete, growing restive un- rs Pears tome dat I smote jess as well gib up bein’ good an’ jine de cannibals.” Without a muscle of -his face moving, the cast-iron deacon dove into Uncle Pete’s pocket and brought out the music box. “Dar!” he exclaimed, holding it aloft, A. groan of horror and surprise went up from the con- gregation. “Uncle Pete, I is_ surprised an’ intensely horrified, #8 gasped the parson. ‘ You has come heah wid a music box, disturbed de whole ob de exercises, an’ den lied *bou De debbil hab cotched you fo’ a fact, Uncle. Pete, jos will please to git out ob de church.” 5S But, » objected: Uncle Pete, ‘‘T’se as innocent as a “ Dati do,’ retorted the parson, ‘we will heah de rest some mo’ convenient season. De choir will please to sing de sebenty-sixth psalm, an’ Uncle Pete will please to get out.” Sorrowfully the poor darkey did so, wondering how in the mischief the music box could have got into his pos- session. ‘It must hab been de work ob de debbil, shuah} ” he mournfully concluded. Shoo-Fly, of course, was happy over this joke for’ a Bey or two. But he shortly after met with an adventure that was a sort of a revenge for his practical joking. He and a select mob of the worst young darkeys in the village were out on a tramp one afternoon. They were haying.a glorious time in their own estima- tio They had snowballed: everybody and eyerything;, made slides in front of all the houses in town, to the great de- light of the respectable citizens who fell down on them, “hooked behind ” all the passing. sleighs, and otherwise enjoyed themselves. - Finally one of the crowd, the redoubtable Cotton, spied a mule which had been locked out of its stable, and was standing mutely with mulish patience by the door, waiting _ for some kind hand to open it. This was a regular picnic for the colored brigade. ** Let’s go ridin’, ” proposed. Shoo-F ly. This suggestion was instantly adopted. The whole crowd piled onto the poor beast’s back, *«G@lang dar, Rarus!” ordered Shoo-Fly, But the mule didn’t see it. He stood as still as if he was made of stone, and did not budge. Kickings and poundings were of no use, the mule firmly and positively refused to start. “Git off dare, Pete, and snowball de pacer,” Shoo-Fly ordered. Pete slid off and implanted two vigorous snowballs on the animal’s stern. It svas about as sensible a proceeding as attempting to sink an iron-clad with a volley of gum-drops, ‘ The mule.stood stock still.’ Shoo-Fly had another happy thought, He ordered Cot- ton off. « Jess youse take dat yere broom by de stable door, and welt de stuffin’ clear out ob dis yere dog-gone mule!” Shoo- ay shouted. ‘*’Spects he’ll go den.” CHAPTER V. Corron got down and ploughed his way through the snow until he reached the broom. : Meanwhile, Pete - had’ favored’ the mule with’ another snowball, but the mule stood as stiff as if it, hadn’t any more feeling than a brick house: ‘“Why'doan’t youse take seberal days fo’ to get dat broom? pe asked Shoo-Fly, disgusted at the snail-like pro- ceedings of Cotton. Fs Why doan’t youse get down an’ git it yourself?” asked Cotton, stopping with one hand wpon the ‘broom, ** Bery good reason.’ ‘¢ What am it?” ‘© Dese yere Johnsing chillen right behind’ me’ on de mule—dey or plans. Bofe of dere parents are in de work- house.” «What ob it?” * . The mule stood it for a while: His thoughts seemed far away; roaming in the green recesses of India’s jungles or inthe icy cayerns of the North Pole. bys But at last he got aroused. ‘An aroused mule is “equal _to about six boiler explosions in the amount, of damage he And the : can do. In aminute the mule appeared to be all legs. air appeared to be all little darkeys, Away they went, in ou directions, Shoo-Fly aes fired. square into the ‘stable oor. As for Cotton, he got a ‘kick that almost paralyzed, him, and denosited him into the snow several feet under. Pete also got a taste of mule hoof, and rose up towards the sky like; an elaborate rocket, but came down again with remarkable speed onto his head. If the stable door had been a little softer Shoo-Fly. might have gone through. Asit was, he drop ed down into the snow like a wound- et phanedoodle, ot 1 one of the ‘‘ Johnsing ” boys on top of him He looked up at the mule. The beast was standing like a graven image. Itsface was 18 sad and solemn as a sepulcher, and a thoughtful mist obscured its eyes. Plainly its mind was. with the savages of Central Turkes- tan, or among the yine-clad hills of sunny Italy. Shoo- -Fly got up. He looked at the mule. Then he felt of his head, and glanced) with a puzzled expression of face at the collapsed state of the riding party. ‘Then he looked ‘at the mule ‘again, and that animal stared gravely at him, as if to imutely suggest that it didn’t nee the pleasure of his acquaintance, and didn’t want to ave, Shoo-Fly scratched his wool. Plainly he was perplexed. He stumbled through the snow, and pulled out the un- fortunate and almost ‘stunned Cotton. ‘© Wha’—wha’ is he?” dazedly demanded Cotton. ~ «* Where’s Ww ho?” asked shoo- mite ** De man.’ «What man?” <*De man dat hit me wid de club.”. «* Youse can’t gib me no taffy, ” said shoo-Fly. What fo’ did youse want to gwine fo’ to doit?” ~ ‘© Wha’ did I do?” ** Knock us all off ob de mule wid de poem’ 4 “Who did?” «You did.” ; A ~
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2 SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. «Swar I didn’t. Cross my heart. lean down an’ kick me in de head fo’: *« Didn’t,” protested Shoo-Fly. Just then Pete rev ived,and he appeared upon the scene. He was sure thatsomebody had hit him. with, a ‘brick, and he began putting head on the smallest Johnson boy on principle. Of course Shoo-Fly took a hand in the muss, and a free fight raged, while the mule looked on with a sad protest written in its eyes. At last, after everybody was exhausted and nobody hurt, as somehow always, miraculously happens in small boys" fights, although a spectator looking on during the progress of the row wonld swear that, at least, all but one would get killed; Shoo-Fly proposed that they get onto the mule again. This motion was adopted. - The whole mob clambered onto the beast’s back for the second time. The mule appeared not to have the faintest idea of what was going on. His thoughts seemed to be roaming fur ther off than ever. Indeed, a bystander would have béen apt to take him fora wooden mule. The clubbing started afresh. For all practical purposes Shoo-Fly and his pals might as’well have got off and clubbed a fence. “Wondah is dis alive?” asked’ Shoo: Bly, ‘*Tt’s stuffed,” said Cotton. “Wid bricks,” solemnly’ added the: ‘youngest Tobstisinng boy. * “‘ Wondah how we can Hates de ole mule go?” queried Shoo-Fly. He Bot ‘several responses. “Build a fire under him!” “Get out an’ push!” ‘Rub its nose with a carrot!” “Geta gun and shoot it!” “No, I tole youse how,” began Shoo-Fly, a thought strik- ing him; *‘ we'll geta. Shoo-Hly never “finished the sentence. world forever. For just as he was about to speak, Cotton, who was astride of the tail end of the mule, discovered a sore on his mount’s hindquarters. Nothing would do but that Cotton should undertake to heal the sore by striking it with the big bale stick he held in his hand. That was too much for the composure of the mule. He put down his head and raised his feet. He did more Aigh kicking in a second than any song and dance man ever did in a week, All of the darkeys flew in different directions except Shoo-Fly. By,some miracle he sie oni ‘* Whoa!” he bawled. Wha’ fo’ did youre. 9999 The mule brayed stentoriously, kicked ferociously, and, tried to bite Shoo-Fly’s feet off: ‘Help fo’ de Lawd’s sakes, I’se a gone niggah!’ Shoo- Fly screeched. ““Oh—oh! look at-de circus,” called out Cotton, revived by Shoo-Fly’s cries. ‘Kill de mule,” begged Shoo-Fly. “Jump,” advised Cotton, “Catch hold ob de tail. "2 “What fo’?” > 99 ‘Tse dyin’, “Den he’ll stop’ prancing aroun’ an’ gib me a chance to ; get off. Whoa oe you fo’ legged debil!” Qotton arose.» - ‘He made a desperate clutch for the mule: s tail and secured it. The mule grinned a fiendish grin and plevaed both hind legs. y “ It'is lost to the | Cotton shot up into the air as if he had been propelled from a cannon. .**Dat?s de berry las’ time I done Ore hold ob a mule’s tail when de mule am alive,” he sorrowfully gasped, as he landed over into‘an adjoining field with a sea-sick feeling at his stomach. jMleansrhile the mule .had succeeded in ‘finally shaking Shoo-Fly eine Site so, it relapsed into-its old condition of quiet. It stood as quiet as a statue, and once more its spirit ap- parently was with the Kaffirs at Cape Colony, jor the tal- low-eating Esquimaux, Sadly Shoo- Fly collected: his crowd together ‘again. ‘« Boys,’? said he, ‘de nex’ time that you go ridin’ , take an earthquake fo’ a hoss befo’ youse tackle a mule. Dis gang would do fust class to start:a hospital wid,” They: looked so. Cotton hada black eye, and a blood-dyed nose, and his stomach had a strong look of goneness about if. Pete was all broke up in ever y way, and didn’t seem to have spirit enough left to snowball ‘a drunken, man. The two Johnsing boys were bruised in all parts, and were a sick brace of orphans. AS for Shoo-Fly, with his usual good luck, he wasn’t hurt much—bnt he was sore. The mule was the only one who had come out of the Davee without a sear. ; It-was untouched: | Sorrowfully the crowd went home. - But the story of the mule ride got wind. The street boys taunted Shoo-Fly with pointed allusions to mules and mule-back rides generally, and Shoo-Fly fugit about half the village, on that account, inside of a wee About this time’ Shoo-Fly played another joke on poor Uncle Pete that deserves recording. Uncle Pete was no slouch ofa bragger. He had a great propensity for yarning about his personal prowess in a way that-would ‘have done credit to some old forecastle salt. Oné night he’sat' in the ‘kitchen reading the county aper. *©* Nother man stopped b tramp” he said, with a sniff. © ‘“Whio tole youse?” aBKE Shoo-Fly. Tn de paper.” _- «What paper? Bapor of tobacker?” ‘©Youse are just as fresh as a'three yeahs’ ole colt,” said ‘Uncle Pete; with dignity. ‘ elyly poy in Shoo-Fly. ** Youse mean to say dat T’se a coward?” “*Ts youse?” 6@No, gah; I was all frew a6 war.’ _ Tn de sutler’s wagon?” “{ fotein sebenty-five battles.” “ Fote ’skecters?” «©T was: ‘mos’ killed at de battle ob Sebenteen Oaks,’ 2 “Dat was a pity.” - ‘© Ob course.” : “Pity dat dey didn’t kill youse all,” finished up Shoo- Fly. What are youse gibbin’ me, “Uncle ‘Pete—lasses on a bean- pole?” “*V’se whistlin’ truthfully, chile. Sigel’s ‘cane.’ “On his staff, youse mean.” ‘All de same. I fote wid Sigel. Done tole youse what, I was on’ General “de aes better not al As me.’ < Why?” «Cause Tse ted ‘blood bad. T’se wicked, Shoo-Fly, pulten T’se gets real mad. Git reckless.” “ Gay.’
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SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL, 1B «Fact. Chew ear off. Oh, ’se a hot ole liquorish drop to pick up ina fight. Spects dat it: would’ take mos’ eight burglars fo’ ‘to skeer me.’ Oh, gib me de rest wid water in,” growled Shoo-Fly, bent on provoking the oldman. |“ Do youse know who youse kin fight?” fs Anybody.” . No, sah. All youse kin fight is consumptives) women, an’ chillen under ten yeahs ole. Half of a good healthy tramp would skeer de wool, clear off of dat ole head ob youse.” ) << Pust ting youse know ‘on cober dat mou’ ob youse wif my foot,” ” expressed Uncle Pete. “Tse only joking,” apologized Bhogye Pete.” “* T’se listenin’.” “<*Spose dat a robber would. come into your: howse— what wotld youse do?” ‘« One robbah??, “Yes, a lone hand.” Uncle Pete went through an» original pantomime,» de- signed to express shooting, stabbing, ass and body- demolishing. generally. | “Td hurt him,” he said. “ Hurt him?” Yes} chile.” «Hurt him bad?” ** Dere would be a dead body ’roun’ in de mornin’, an’ it wouldn’t be me,” gently insinuated Uncle Pete. ‘‘Dat’s all, chile,” and Unele Pete wound ' up the kitchen clock, raked down the fire, picked up his lantern, and started off to his little cabin. Shoo-Fly sat and thought for a moment. ‘Tat ole fool orter got «a gold medai wid pink tassels onto it fo” lyin’,” he reflected. ‘Dat’s & nice, ole image fo’ a brave man. Shoo! a flea wid de lung fever could frow him in a wrestle! Wondah what he would do if a robber did get into his house?” Shoo- Fly. thought a little longer, ‘ Wondah what’ sort of a robber I would make?” he conjectured, An old slouch hat of the deacon’s He putt on. A dilapidated cloak, Miss Chay 8 Beare was sus- pended ovér.a chair, He donned it, Then he tore the cover off of one of his thrown-aside school- books, punched holes in it witha knife. and by the exercise of a little ingenuity, succeeded in copiteting quite a respectable looking musk. He tied that about his head, and peated’ into the De looking-glass. It was a great transformation. He hardly knew himself. * Golly, ‘Ise a tough-lookipg nigger,” he chuckled, in delight. *‘ Looks as if I fed*on ram beef all ob de yeah. Bet I’ skeer de beef out ob Uncle Pete.” The last sentence contained a new inspiration. He resolved to play robber. To go down to Uncle Pete’s board palace and pub that worthy darkey’s vaunted courage to the test. “But I wants a weapon,” he reflected, pistol.” A pistol, however, was not to be obtained: They didn’t grow about the kitchen. There was only one thing that he could secure. That was a carving knife. A big-bladed carving knife, with a bone: handle, that looked sufficiently ferocious to be the property of a practi- cal pirate. ° Shoo- Fly grabbed. it. ; “Get away, dar, Leander,” he cried, disemboweling a score of imaginary opponents. ‘T is Liver Lips: McPuft, de Corsair Moke ob de Black Hills! Dis style in a picter, ‘six for ten dollars--in gilt frames!” fs Say, Unele hung onto the wall, “Gib mea » ‘Satisfied with ie robber-like eases tut aS started ‘tor Uncle Pete’s. He took a cautions Suey. of the house, -No light was visible. All was calm and dark. Uncle :Pete:had ‘evidently got into bed sithout any wn- necessary waste of time. Shoo-Fly tndida shutter, for Uncle Pete, confident that he was safé from the intrusion’ of suspicious charac- © ters, did not take particular -pains to nender hig SANS unenterable. He peeped in. Unele Pete was abed. He listened. . A snore about as musical as the wail of a:pig ina pose greeted his ears. Uncle Pete was wrapped in the arms of Mor pheéeus. Shoo-Fly wrapped at the window. <Tl ice up de ole runt afo’ de circus begins,” he iid ‘Uncle Pete lieard the rap. He started up. “‘Wundah what dat is?” he thought. ‘stove inde ‘kitchen: hab done bust up.” Rap—rap! went Shoo-Fly’s fist aginst the window panes. Unclé Pete saw from what’ direction the noise- was com- ing. “* Bet, dat sdme ob, dem Spanish chickens i is a tryin’? fo” to fly inat de windah,” he said. He turned his eyes windowward. . Just.then the moon emerged from behind a-cloud and flooded the outside With her silver rays. There was Shoo- Ply stiinding outside of the window ins particularly ferocious attitude, with his carying knife pointing grimly at Uncle Pete. ** Ber- lua?” yelled Shoo- Fly, with a frantic wave of the carving knife. ae de! ole CHAPTER agit UNcie Pere trembied like a leaf.» He gazed fearfully at the apparition outside of the win- dow. @, «<T)e Lawd save us!” he Tred with: chattering teeth, as he dove his head beneath the bedclothes..‘*What am it2” Shoo-Fly raised the window and stepped into the room. Uncle Pete popped his head out-of the quilt. ‘* @’way—e’way!” he cried. ‘I dunno you. ‘What de debil do youse want?” “Get out ob dat yere bed!” ordered Shoo-Fly. §¢ Whatifo’?”? “Don’t ax. libber out!”” This awful threat fairly paralyzed Uncle Pete. He saw the flash of the gleaming carving-knife as it glit- tered in the moonlight, and visions of a select nee un- eral filled his brain. He got Ey ‘*Lively, dar!” Shoo-Fly urged. “Don’t take all night, kase I’se got to go kill seberal mo’ men to- might lt Unele Pete shivered again. This was a most bloodthirsty visitor; evidently a killer from Cow Bay. ** What’s Ise got es arise fore" he tremblingly asked. “Ro example. Dance.’ “Do what? gasped ‘Uncle Pete; his eyes bulging out. “Dance,” repeated Shoo-Fly. ‘© Gib usia can-can. Go in fo’ de beer. Tum-te- tum- te- -tummity-tum. | Put in de skylight touches, old mdn,’ ** But Pse kain’t dance; Pse got de rheumatiz.” “Gibit away. Dance, youse ole black skelington, or T’se’ll hab youse ears. Dey’ll look nice to hab in de de when de minister comes aroun’.” Get ont ob dat yere bed; ot Tse’ll. cut: yer
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4 SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. Uncle Pete gave vent to a long-drawn-out sob, and com- menced'a sort of dance. i It resembled the Terpsichorean exercise of a ghoul on a tombstone. f i << Dis yeah ain’t a funeral,” disgustedly said: Shoo-Fly. “Gib it to us hotter.” : : i ‘ Poor Uncle Pete had tocomply. The carving-knife looked as if it was thirsting for his blood. He Shoo-Fly thought that he would die a laughing to witness the corpse-like break-down of the old man. “ Dat’ll do,” he said, finally. Uncle Pete stopped. ; ‘Kin I go back to bed,” he called. “No, sah.” a sé Why not?” “‘T wants somepin’.”” “What am it?” “< Blood.” (wea «Oh, Lawd!” groaned Uncle Pete. ‘‘'Take de sofa.” <‘ No, sah,” answered Shoo—ly, drawing the blade of the carving—knife over his thumb-nail. ‘* Nuffin’ will do but blood!” : ae «Make de bureau!” wailed Uncle Pete. ‘No, sah, don’t want de bureau. Nuffin’ but blood— blood. in:a bucket!” “Take de clock.” “ Neber. ‘Blood—blood—blood! Blood in de moon!” and Shoo-Fly went through some Indian club exercises with the carving- knife that sent Uncle Pete into a fit of fright. “‘ Oh, dear, good robber,” he entreated, getting down on his knees. aera i ‘« Spare my life, fo’ de sake ob my wife, falsifier. “ Hab-youse a wife?” Shoo-Fly asked, “* Seberal! ” “Any kids?” | ‘* Forty-lebben-forty-four.” “Den [ will spare your life. But I must hab blood!” “ Kill a cow.” “ Human blood.” “Go up to de big house an’ kill dat yer Shoo-Fly,” sug- gested Uncle Pete, struck with a happy thought. ‘If - youse’ll only kill dat young debbil de whole town will gib youse a gold medal, shuah.” “Mebbe I will,” promised Shoo-Fly. watch.” The watch to which he alluded was lying on thie table. It was a boss watch. One of: those fairy arrangements about the size of a cheese, and not much heavier. than a small safe. _ It never made the faintest pretence to keep time, but for all that it was a watch. ; And as such was Uncle Pete’s pleasure and pride. _ Don’t take it;” he begged. ‘It was gib to me by ole mass.” “ Ole massa who?” “General Washin’ton.” «“ General Mud,” sneered Shoo-Fly. ‘‘ Did he gib youse de watch?” “Fo” Moses.” ; <“Den I is Gen’ral Washin’ton’s darter. De watch are mine.” Uncle Pete started forward as if with a desperate inten- tion of securing his pet property. : But a yicious forward thrust of the carving-knife sent him baek again. ah Shoo-Fly glanced about. Quietly reposing in aitumbler of water was Uncle Pet’s greatest pet, his set of false teeth. ' Sheo-Fly grabbed them. Uncle Pete uttered a piteous wail. “ Lnff go of dem!?-he shouted. ‘* Ah; base jinfidel,” roared Shoo-Fly. ‘‘ Who’s youse talkin’ to.” ; ESD UES | lied the black 1a ww “ Gib me your ‘* Please leave de teefe.” «« What fo’?” “¢ How is Ito eat?” ‘Don’t eat?” ‘© But I’se can’t chew meat.” ‘“Chew gum-drops. Dese ere teefe am too good fo’ youse. ’Spect dat youse better get wooden ones.” ' “Take anything else in de house, eben de roof,” begged Pete...‘ Whar is I to get a new set?” ‘* Dig in the back yard fo? dem. Good-by.” ‘‘Oh!? pleaded Uncle Pete, the tears coming into his eyes. ‘‘I’sgib yer all de money dat I hab in de house fo’ dem teefe.” “Dar ain’t no good talkin’,” firmly asserted Shoo-Fly. <‘Dese yere grub-chewers are mine. Is’e gwine tooth ker- lectin’; gwine to build a pagoda wid dem.” “A who?” queried*Uncle Pete. ; ‘CA pagoda.” jet onde lh! «Who's dat?” see “Bite it an’ see. Good-night,” and out slipped Shoo- Fly through the window, with the téeth and the watch. Next morning Uncle Pete was down’to the house at break of day. ““Massa Hoyt—Massa Hoyt!” deacon. ‘Well, what is it?” sleepily asked the deacon, as he came out of the house, rubbing his eyes.. ““T’se been robbed.” ; “Robbed?” “ Deedy I have. got no fren’s.” ~ Just then Shoo-Fly arrived. “ Whose gibbin’ us taffy *bout being robbed?” he asked, “Me,” responded Uncle Pete. “Youse been robbed?” «Shuah!”” “Who did it?” : «Dar was six ob dem,” asserted Uncle Pete. “Six?” echoed the deacon. “Yes, sah, six ob de biggest debils dat eber you seed. Dey was armed to de neck wid pistols an’ guns, an’ spears an’ swords an’ knives.” “Funny dat sich avery reckless gang could be aroun’ heah and nobody see dem,” commented Shoo-F'ly. “Oh, Tse a tootin’ my whistle truefully,” replied Uncle Pete. ' “<How were they dressed?” asked the deacon. “Dey had longcloaks on an’ black masks.” “Vd a thought dat you'd a licked dem,” said Shoo-Fly. , Uncle Pete swelled up in conscious pridé. “See dat hand?” he asked, extending one black paw. ‘«Dat’s de wuss hand I ebber saw,” criticised Shoo-Fly. “Looks jess like a ham cut in ‘two, an’ de wuss piece left.” “Dat hand,” said Uncle Pete, solemnly, ‘‘ were colored wid blood!” . ‘Did youse slug dem?” “Do whatr” “Slug dem.” “Chile,” said Unele Pete, ‘‘ slugging was not de expres- sion. Did youse ebber see a cow step into a lot ob bull- frogs.. De cow was me, an’ de bull-frogs was de robbers. I jess grasped de bureau.” «© De what?” “De bureau. Git me excited an’ I’se iron, chile—an’ I he called out to the Oh, I’se a poah, no aceount niggah went fo’ de crowd. | Dere were eight ob dem.” «< You said six befo’.” “Dar weré two more outside ob ‘de house dat I didn’t count. Well, as I said, I clutched de washstand——” “Youse said bureau.” j “‘T had dem bofe—one in each han’, an’ I started. Tole youse what, *twasn’t free minutes afo’ I had all ob de nine onde floah!”” i ‘* Nine what?”
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SHOO-FLY AT SCHOOL. ; ; 15. ‘¢ Robbers, you little fool! “Spect dat I’se talking *bout horse-flies?” : «‘ Dere was only eight robbers jess befo’, youse said.” ‘‘T foun’ de oder one hid inde chimley. Who’s done telling dis narrative, you or me?” “You,” answered Shoo-F'ly. » «Well, Uncle Pete,” put in the deacon, “‘ did you get robbed of anything?” **T should done blush, massa.” » © © Of what?” “<De best I had!” «Your tin bank?” ‘*Wuss dan dat!’ «Your clothes?” “¢ Wusser!” “Your teeth?” _* Dat’s it—dat’s it,” moaned Uncle Pete. ‘How is I to be a ’spectable member ob society widout any teefe? Nice ole chromo I will be fo’ a church fair.” ‘‘But what in the world possessed them to take only your teeth?” “Debiltry, I suppose. « What?” “My watch.” “Those robbers must be curiosities,” Janghed the dea- con; ‘eight of them.” ‘“ Nine,” corrected Uncle Pete. ‘‘Nine, then. Nine of them to break into your house, and steal only a set of false teeth, and an old brass watch that isn’t worth two cents.” <¢ Play light, sah, play light on de reppelations ob dat watch,” asked Uncle Pete. ‘‘ It was de intrinsic merit ob that watch, not de momentary value that rendered it ob great worth. Dar ain’t another watch like it in de coun- try. «* Owing to a merciful Providence ”—repeated Shoo-Fly, from his Sunday-school lesson. All that day Uncle Pete told April fool stories about his robbery. The number of robbers gradually increased. At last they got to be nearly seventy. Uncle Pete even told Miss Charity that he thought that they had a cannon with them. “If it hadn’t been dat I braced right up to dem dere would hab been a dead nigger on ice round dis heah vyi- cinity dis mauning,” he said. ‘‘Golly, youse oughter hab sced me lay ‘dem out.” At last Shoo-Fly got sick of hearing the bragging lies of ~ the old man. He determined to expose the whole racket, and get a grand laugh on the ancient Munchausen. That night, as usual, the whole of the deacon’s family were clustered about the cosy sitting-room. The deacon was reading the county paper, Miss Charity ‘was sewing, Uncle Pete was mending.a whip-lash, and Shoo-Fly was sitting on a stool by the fire, playing with his parrot, and endeavoring to learn that ignorant and ut- terly depraved bird his ‘‘A. B. C’s. “Tt is remarkable, Peter,” observed the deacon, ‘‘that nobody saw, or heard, or knew anything about your rob- bers. I have made inquiries all around the village to-day, Where did they go?” ‘“Mebbe dey rode away on horses,” hazarded Uncle Pete, stopping in his work. Pea didn’t do nuffin ob de sort,” contradicted Shoo- ‘ y- «Some penny nigeahs have shillin’? moufs,” sneered Uncle Pete. ‘What do youse know "bout it?” “Lots. 9 3 “way.” *Tt’s so, In de fust place, dem wasn’t any robbers.” But dey took sumpin’ else.” “Course not. “Spect dat I dreamed it,” sarcastically said Uncle Pete. “‘I gou up in de night an’ stole my own teefe, didn’t I?” moe ae “Noap.” ‘‘Mebbe it was de parrot.” “Noap. What will youse gib me if I tole youse?”’ The deacon put down his pipe, and Miss Charity ne- glected her sewing. Uncle Pete stopped short in his oper- ation, and let the unfinished whip-lash fall to the floor. len the parrot assumed a listening attitude on Shoo-Fly’s nee. ““You mean to say dat you know who was de culprits?” asked Uncle Pete. *«Shuah,” answered Shoo-Fly. “¢ Youse crazy.” ; ‘“Nebber. What’ll youse gib me if I tole youse?” ** Ten cents.” ‘*Shoo! youse too liberal.” << Fifteen.” “* Raise de rate.” “Twenty.” * Dat’sa terible lot of gold, ain’t it? Dose teefe are worfe ten dollars to youse.” <“'Twenty-five; dat’s a lot of money, chile. ain’t gibing me no sleigh ride?” *“Not much; put de reward up higher an’ Ise’ll gib. de robbers away.” All right.” *« Whar’s de money?” “Gib it to you bime-by.” ‘* No, sah,” answered Shoo-Fly. am O.I. A.—Cash in advance.” Uncle Pete felt in his pockets. After diligent search, and a thorough ransacking of his garments, he raked up two battered quarters. 4 He handed them over to Shoo-Fly. Nobody’s Moke took them, bit them to ascertain their genuineness, and then put them carefully away in‘his shoe. ‘* Now I'll tole youse who de bugglars was!” he said. ‘¢ Who?” asked Uncle Pete, while the deacon and Miss Charity both bent forward expectantly. “Dey was me.” “You!” ‘‘Shuah as preachin’.” “Put de chile to bed wid ice on de head,” compassion- ately remarked Uncle Pete. _‘‘ He hab done gone crazy!” “*Youse a liar, is I,” complacently replied Shoo-Fly, as he proceeded to give the whole racket away, At first his listeners were incredulous. *Tsn’t that a sort of fairy tale, Shoo-Fly?” the deacon queried. ““Tat’s de mos’ remarkable romance dat I ebber heard,” centemptuously commented Uncle Pete. «J kin prove it,” said Shoo-Fly. «< How?” «Wait fo’ a year or two tilll returns wid de vouchers,” - “Shoo-Fly went to his own little room above the kitehen. He returned very soon. In his hand he held 4 small newspaper bundle. “What hab youse got in dere?” asked Uncle Pete. Shoo-Fly grinned. A grin of conscious superiority. He slewly unrolled the bundle. ‘‘Look at dere!” he said. Uncle Pete craned his neck forward and gazed at the - articles in Shoo-Fly’s hands. “Dat’s my teefe an’ my watch, shuah as I is a sinful nig- gah,” he faintly exclaimed. Will be continued in “Wide Awake Library” No. 283, entitled: SHoo-FLiy in Lovn, But youse “ Dis yeah transaction
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7" Ea Ea WIDE AWAKE LIE (SEE THE ADDITIONS TOM BROWN’S SCHOOLDAYS THE PIRATE: ROBINSON CRUSOE ~ JACK SHEPPARD i SINBAD, THE SAILOR PETER SIMPLE PANTOMIME JOE SNARLEYOW, THE DOG FIEND ALADDIN AND THE WONDERFUL LAMP 10 POOR JACK i1 TOMMY BOUNCE 22 SHORTY; OR, KICKED INTO eee, LUCK. 13. THE DEVIL’S DI AMOND » : 14° SHORTY IN isa” 15 DICK DAUNTLESS 16 SKINNY, ar. TIN PEDLER +17 DICK TURP 18 GULLIVER‘ $ TRAVEL S 79 ALI BABAAND THE FORTY THIEVES 2 THE MULCAHY TWINS, : 21 JACOB FAITHECL OWING UR Oe 22 OLIVER OPTIC'S ENGINEER SKETCHES a 23 OLIVER TWIST 24 THE IMAGE OF HIS FATHER 23 GENTLEMAN GEORGE 2§ GENTLEMAN GEORGE AND HIS PAL 27 THE DEAD BOXER Ss 28 HARRY HALE 29. ONE OF THE BOYS OF Ad YORK ,30 THE KING OF DIAMOND) 31 THE FOUR KNAVES 82 THE PIRATE DOCTOR 83 JONATHAN WILD ne 34 |} PIRATE OHTEF 35 } SMUGGLER OF ST MALO 36 DICK ap aoe THE MASKED HIGH- AYMAN 37 SOI NE OR, THE MAID OF THE GULE 88 NED SCARLET, THE DARING HioH* * ees es 89° PAUL JONES ; 40 THE HANGMAN OF NEWGATE ;, 41 THE BLACK oe ‘42 DOT BOY FRIPZ 43 DEMON OF THE DEEP 44 MARK GRAHAM * 45° STARBOARD JACK 46 SAN FRANCISCO BOB 47 TOM, DICK AND THE” “ger XS 48 YANKEE PRIVATEER 49 THE ROVER’S OATH 50 CORKEY 51 DICK LIGHTHEART 52 DICK LIGHTHEART’S TRIALS 58 DICK LIGHTHEA RTS TRIUMPH. > 54 CAPTAIN HA 55° THE. BOSS. BO 56: ‘SHOR’ TY, JR; OR, “THE. SON OF HIS DAD ht THE PIRATE SCSI IE 58 "THE GOLD HUNTE 59 THE PIRATES OF AMERICA. 60 THE PIRATE CUTTER ~ . 61 THE BLACK PIRATE) 62 CLI iy, Gace ok THE pred OF “63 WILL WAKET ff THREE FINGERED JACK .6 THE SEA KING 66 LIFE IN RHE RED BRIGADE. 67 BILLY BO'SWAIN. 68 THH DEVIL ON TWO STICKS 69 THE WILD ROBBER 70 THE HIGHWAYMAN'S FATE , i THE LIGHTHOUSE MURDER 72 THE ASSASSIN’S DOOM. sae 7 THE PIRATE OF THE SHOALS: | RO OMe Een 7 y DA He TORRAWAY AFLOAT: tO ARRAWAY AMONG THE SAVAGES 7S HARKAWAY'S ESCAPE, | i9 HARKAWAY AT OXFOR: 30 HARKAWAX ANDTHE, BLACK BAND 81 HARKAWAY AND THE BRIGANDS' 8 HARKAWAY ANDTHE SPY 83 HARKAWAY- TRAPPED Sf HARICAWAY AND THE ITALIANS 8 DICK LIGHTHEART AT SEA 8 DICK LIGHTHEART AROUND THE, 87 DICK TIGHTHEART IN LONDON 88 DICK LIGHTHEART’S VICTORY 89 THE ISLAND OF PRASAD 90 DETECTIVE Age 91 "CLAUDE DUY: 92 CLAUDE BND Wis BALS” Address . BOX 2730. 2- SEE Dh ee j RAR TO. OUR LIST OF NEW y AND ‘EXCBLLENT BOOKS. PRICE, 538 CENTS A’ COPY, O—_— READ re tiate a Lisi DUVAL AND DICK CLAUDE IN A FIX t DOVAL BETRAYED 3 ON THE SCAFFOLD [| THE HIGHWAYMAN’S RIDE, CLAUDE DUVAL'S DEAD SHOT ~BONNIE- BLACK BESS CLAUDE IN JAIL DUVAL’S LIFE STRUGGLE CLAUDE AND THE NUNS *DUVAL IN THE CLOISTER CLAUDE AND THE LADY — DUVAL QN HAND CLAUDE AND THE SPY DUVAL IN CHAINS CLAUDE’S BRIDE DUVAL/ON THE ROAD CLAUDE'S DUEL. DUVAL AND THE MAIDEN CLAUDE IN THE TOILS DUVAL AND THE CASKET CLAUDE AND HIS CHUM ~DUVALIN PERIL § CLAUDE AT. BAY * DUVAL AND LUKE -» |) DEATH OF CLAUDE DUVAL JACK HARKAWAY AND HIS ‘SON'S AD- VENTURES AROUND THE WORLD HARKAWAY AND HIS SDS HLOME- WARD BOUND } JACK RUSHTON ON AND OFF aoe STAGE | THE BUSH BOY: THE RIVAL SCHOOLS FRANK. THE FISHER BOY : YOUNG TOM RODMAN dA ifs SHORTY, JR,.ON HIS EAR FRED SPANGLE: THE YOUNG ‘TRAGEDIAN CLARENCE RHETT ) PADDY MGROARTY » BRIAN THE BRAVE YANK, SHANK & CO = MASTER..OF HIMSELR | JIM JAMS; OR, JACK OF ALL TRADES 23 THE BOY BOHEMIAN THE MYSTERIOUS NESSENGER BURT THE DETECTIVE 49.7 OR, TRACKED TO DEATH THE YOUNG VEN‘ sensu DENVER DICK DIGK DARING ; GIPSY BLANCHE THE BOY CLOWN "YHREE YANKEE CHUMS» 5 fUNLUCKY TOM LATHY: ivf THE SEA FIENDS «= UNDER THE OCEAN ANDY HANDY RED LEARY DANIEL BOONE f HALE AND Ory : TIM OF THE MAIU TR. AIN OUT WITH STANLEY - - MAD MAURICE SHORTY AND THE count: THE WHARF BOYS . BIG SILAS) .. NIP AND FLIP THE FOUR JACKS TAWAY.AN a ee ‘ON MAGIC ISLAND FERRET, THE LITTLE DETECTIVE °* : THE MAN OF MANY FACES HARKAWAY'S PERIL See ee a PERE LANDS THE : i LANDES LION HUN /RAIMLER THE SCAPEGRACE THE DWARK KING 2 HAWWCAWAY. THE. AVENGE) j NGE THE RIVAL CRUSORS., ER HARKAWAY IN "AUSTRALIA. AND THE CONVIOTS y ETD D THE BUSHRANGERS CHASED AROUND THE WO ) THE /DETECTIVE’S MISTAKE CHIPS AND CHIN CHIN... | .. rrepmeet wiT vy “ [AMONG THE MORMONS. CHIPS AND) CHIN CHIN'S ADVENT- URES WITH INDIANS 180 WILLIAM STREE Ts: +220) STUMP ANDJAC KHAWSER | . 244 THE Enis ROBBER'S APPRENTICE THE BEST BOYS LIBRARY IN Tee eee 186 CHIPS AND CHIN CHIN IN OMAR is Ske “ “ “ “ YO. 189 JACK HAWLEY £ . 190 TWO BOSTON BOYS 191 FRANK MARTIN, THE YOUNG RAJAH 192 ‘THE LOCKSMITH’S APPRENTICE 1930 THE ‘CHARMERS AND“LTHE CHARMED © 194 THE RED CIRCLE - 195° THE, NEMESIS; .OR, ‘TRACKED TO N THEIR DOOM 19% TOM TRUMP 197, THE BOY, PILOT. 198; SATAN’S: TRED 199 THE SCHOOL ON wastes 200 A LIGHTNING FL 201 THE MYSTERY or r Say UTE 2 BOUND. TO BE AN ACTOR ~ 203, ONE OF THE BOYS : 244 THE MYSTERY OF. THE RED RIVER 205 THE MASKED MESSENGER * 206, THE PRAIRIE PHANTOM ; 207 THE YOUNG ENGINEER? 8 FIGHTING AGAINST OLDS 209° HARRY HALSEY 210 DONNELL O'GTG 21f- THE BURGLARS OF NEW YORE 12. JERRY. OKEBEE'S, CRIMES, * 213 DARE ‘DEVIL’ DETECTIVE © 214, GAME) TO THE DEATH 215 KICKAPVO JOE 216 THE SPRUGGLE FOR A MINE 217 STUMP 2138 STUMP AT SCHOOL © f , 21) STUMP Al SEA 22 STUMP’S RACKETS BELOW DECKS: 222 STUMP RNR CHUMS PERE OVIEN SY " BO 203 THREE OF A KIND? | pet 24 CH eae MIKE, AND DON : 225 DHIR TE: 226 THE B ROTHERHOOD OF DEATH ' 227 TRICKS.) 28 UNDER THE GALLOW Ss 229 ADRIFT ON OA mie ISTE: ISLAND . 230, FRED. HAZLE! : 231 SHOT IN THE DARK © Cas 232, DOONTE CRANDALL» : 283 META, TH! GIRL CRUSOE’ 934 TEDDY DOYLE 235 ATRIP TO'THE CENTER OF THE EARTE 236 DRu LING HARRY: i 237 RORY JHE SM ASHER : . y 238" AN IRISH BOY'S LUCK: 239 BEHIND THE BARS 20 THE BOY CONVICT: 241 TORNADO TIM? c RAQ THE BOY AVENGER a3 JACK THY JOKUR i SOG Bana 6 ' OF THE BRUSH 247 Part THE TUMBLER ; - 2483. TRON-KNUCKLED ‘FED. - Ba). PELE DOCK BOW Oe ORK 5) 1 OF NEW YO 251 GAPTAIN CARTOUG SEY 252 THE GIPSY BOY'S VENGEANCE 253 THE BOY INERS 254 -WATER-DUGK JT t 5 THE KING OF THY ‘Swhttine Gana’ 256. THE FLYING SHIP OF THE) PACIIIG 257 THE. ADVENTURES OF BARRY FRANCO bo THE ADVE SNTURIS. OF nwo TRAMPS ‘ 260 ‘PLUCKY JIMMY. 261 THE BLACKSMITIE S APPRENTICE » 262. JUMPING Kees 263, JACK GORDO: -264/ MAT steCAIEHIY'S FORTUNE SOE 265 LONDON BOB)? ay i 266 AN ENGLISH BOY. IN AMERICA | 567 SCOTTY. THE TERRIER, © 268 PHILADELPHIA DAVE 269 ‘BILLY THE BOXER 270 CADGER CON ! 91 THE FALS® DETECTIVE 272 HI SHE ALUTIN' JIM ~ HSH ON i: MISSING MAN ! 375 COMMODORE -RIP- RAP aah: 276 TEDDY O'LYNN : 37 THE SHADOW SHIP Yew “YORK. | ‘