Beadle's Half Dime Library (no. 9) (1877 11 12)
The text was read from the page scans by machine (OCR), so it has mistakes and its columns may run together. See the pages · About this title · At the Internet Archive
Page 1
(pa | | RR) ||) Lalli! be = : yell mn a a a! i! i Single BE N er. Vol. I. _ tue Aireeeonhe OF Baron Munchausen. CHAPTER I. [The Baron is supposed to relate these adventures to his Sriends over a bottle.} THE BARON RELATES AN ACCOUNT OF HIS FIRST TRAVELS —THE ASTONISHING EFFECT OF A STORM—ARRIVES AT CEYLON; COMBATS AND CONQUERS TWO EXTRAORDI- | NARY OPPONENTS—RETURNS TO HOLLAND, Some years before my beard announced approach- ing manhood, or, in other words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in re- peated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world ;. from which I was discouraged by, my parents, though my father had been no inconsiderable trav- eler himself, as will appear before I have reached | the end of my singular, and, I add, interesting adventures, cousin, by my mother’s side, took a liking to me, often said I was a fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity. His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my accompany- ing him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle had resided as governor many years. We sailed from Amsterdam with dispatches from their High Mightinesses the States of Holland. The only circum- stance which happened on our voyage worth relating, was the wonderful effects of a storm, which had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk and hight, in, an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water; some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were Sertled py ine vind sO amazing 7 ey ap- peared ike ths feathers of small birds floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth; how- ever, as soon as the storm sub- sided, they all fell perpendicu- larly into their respective places,,and took root again, except, the largest, which ha pened, when it was blown int the air, to have a man and his wife, a very honest old couple, upon ifs branches, gathering cucumbers (in this part of the globe that, useful. vegetable grows.upon trees), The weight of this couple, as. the. tree de- scended, overbalanced. the trunk, and brought it down in a horizontal position; it fell upon the chief man of the island, and killed him on..the spot; he had quitted his house in the storm, under an appre- hension of its falling upon him, and wasreturning through his own garden when, this fortu- nate accident happened. The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. . The chief was a man of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had no family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressive and infamous impositions, The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in his stores, while the pool eas tr n whom Copyrighted in 1877, by BEADLE AND ADAMs, \. (MN \ A PiniGnt wee “T TTS ADLE AND ADAMS, PUBLISHERS No, 98 WILLIAM STREET, NEW YORK. they were plundered were pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was’ accidental, the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their gover- nors, as a mark of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late tyrant. After we had repaired the damages we sustained | in this remarkable storm, and taken leayé of the new Rover and his lady, we sailed with a fair wind for e object of our voyage. In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we | were received with great marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singular adventure may not prove unentertdining. After we had resided at Ceylon about 4 fortnight, | Taccompanied one of the governor's brothers upon | a shooting-party. He was a strong, athletic man and being used to that climate (for he had résid there some years), he bore the violent héat of the sun much better than I could; in our excursion he had made a considerable progress through a thick wood, when I was only at the entrance. Near the banks of a piece of water, which had en; my attention, I thought I heard a rust- ling noise behind; on turning about, I was almost petrified (as who would not?) at the sight of a lion, which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying his appetite with my poor carcase, and -—et- —— hoots a bear, very much to his own and the bear’s astonishment. that without asking my consent. What was to be done. in horrible dilemma? I had not even a mo- ment for reflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no other about me; however, though I could have no idea of killing such an ani- mal with that weak kind 6f ammunition, yet I had some hopes of srightening him by the report, and thaps of wounding him also. 1! immediately let By ut waiting till he was within reach; and the report did but enrage him, for he now quickened_his , and seemed to approach me full s . 1 at- mpted to escape, but that only added (if an addition could be made) to my distress: for the moment I turned about, I found a larg act ground rung . which no Tnetiage can describe, rarer his teeth or his talons in some part o foe avery mo- ment, After waiting in this prostrate situation a few seconds, I heard a violent but unusual noise, differ- ent from any sound that had ever before assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wonde at, when I inform you from whence it proceeded. After listening for some time, I yven- tured to raise my head and look round, when, to my unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had the eager- ness with which he sprung at me, a forward as I fell, into the crocodile’s mouth! which, as before ob- served, was wide open; the head of the one stuck in the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extri- cate themselves! I fortu- rape h recollected my couteau de chasse which was by m side; with this instrument severed the lion’s head at one blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then with the butt- end of my fowling-piece ram- med the head er into the throat of the crocodile, and destroyed him by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor eject it! Soon after I had thus gained & complete victory over my two powerful adversaries, m companion arrived in searc of me; for finding I did not follow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way, or met with some accident, _After mutual congratula- tions, we measured the croco- dile, which was just forty feet in length. As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor, he sent a wagon and servants, who brought home the two car- easses, The lion’s skin was roperly preserved with its hate on: after which it was made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return to Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance of a thousand ducats. The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual man- ner, and makes a capital ar
Page 2
Beadle’s Half-Dime Library. tiele in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor relates the whole story to each spec- tator, with such additions as he thinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one of them is, that the lion jutnped quite through the crocodile, and was making his escape at the back- door, when, as soon as his head appeared, Mon- sieur the Great Baron (as he pleased to call me) cut it off, and three feet of the crocodile’s tail along with it; nay, so little attention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon as the croco- dile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the couteau de chasse out of monsieur’s hand, and swal- lowed it with such eagerness, that it pierced his heart and killed him immediately. The little regard which this impudent knmave has to veracity, makes me sometimes Pe sage that my veal facts may fall under suspicion, by being found in company with his confounded inventions. CHAPTER I. ‘IN WHICH THE BARON PROVES HIMSELF A GOOD sHOT—’" HF LOSES HIS HORSE, AND FINDS A WOLF—MAKES HIM DRAW HIS SLEDGE—PROMISES TO ENTERTAIN HIS | COMPANY WITH A RELATION OF SUCH FACTS AS ARE | WELL DESERVING THEIR NOTICE. I ser off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, from a just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, which eve traveler had described as uncommonly bad _ throug: the northern ake of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia, I went on horseback, as the most con- venient manner of traveling; I was but lightly clothed, and of this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced north-east. What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and cli- mn & No village was to seen. The Meigen was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road. Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to some- thing, like a pointed stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety, Iplaced my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not easy to conceive my as- tonishment, to find myself in the midst of a village, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but [heard him soon after somewhere above me. On looking upward, I beheld him a ae fe A his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters ‘were now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow over vy ig a sudden change of weather had taken place; [ had sunk down to the churchyard while asleep, gently, and in the same ee! paw as the snow had melted away; and what n the dark I had taken to be a stump of a little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse, proved to have been the cross or weather- cock of the steeple! Without long consideration, I took one of my pis- tols, shot the bridle in two, brought down the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron seems to have forgot his feelings; he should certain- ly have ordered his horse a feed of corn, after fast- ing so long. | e carried me well: aay gncing into the interior of Russia, I found traveling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter; therefore I submit- ted, as I always do, to the custom of the country took a single horse sledge, and drove briskly toward St. Petersburgh. Ido not exactly recollect whether it wasin England or Jugemanland, but I remember that, in the midst of a dreary forest, I spied a terri- ble wolf making after me with all the speed of ra- venous winter hunger. He soon overtook me, There was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously on the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror, Thus unnoticed and safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that the wolf had ate his way into the horse’s body; it was not long before he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my ad- vantage, and fell upon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his rear frightened him so much that he leaped forward with all his might; the horse’s carcase dropped on the a but in his place the wolf was in the harness; and on my part whipping him continually, we both ar- rived in full career safe to St. Petersburgh, contrary to our respective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of the spectators. {shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, ee sciences, and history of this magnificent metropolis 0 Russia; nor trouble you with the various in es and leasant adventures I had in the politer circles of hat country, where the lady of the house always re- ceives the visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to the greater and nobler ob- —oa of your attention, horses and dogs, my favor- tes in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of the world; and to such sports, manly exercises and feats of gallant- ry and activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek and Latin, or all the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or petit-maiires. CHAPTER III. AN ENCOUNTER BETWEEN THE BARON’S NOSE AND A DOOR-POST, WITH ITS WONDERFUL EFFECTS—FIFTY BRACE OF DUCKS AND OTHER FOWL DESTROYED BY ONE SHOT—FLOGS A FOX OUT OF HIS SKIN—LEADS AN OLD SOW HOME IN A NEW WAY, AND VANQUISHES A WILD BOAR, Ir was some time before I could obtain a commis- sion in the army, and for several months I was per- fectly at liberty to sport away my time and money in the most gentleman-like manner, You may eo imagine that I spent much of both out of town, wit such gallant fellows as knew how to make the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of those amusements gives me fresh spirits, and cre- ates a warm wish for a repetition of them. One morning I saw through the windows of my bedroom that a large pond, not far off, was covered with wild ducks. Inan instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of the house in such a hur- ry, that I imprudently struck my face against the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my intention; I soon came within shot, when, leveling wey. piece, I observed, to my sorrow, that even the flint had r gio from the cock, PF the violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost. I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened the pan, leveled my piece against the wild fowls and my fist against one of my eyes. [The Baron’s eyes have re- tained fire ever since, and appear particularly illumi- nated when he relates this anecdote.] A hearty blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many of their meet escapes, huntsmen and sports- men are not less beholden to it for many of their suc cesses. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine black fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball or shot. Reynard stood close a tree. In a twinkling I took out:my ball and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so clev- erly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him, took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin. Chance and good luck often correct our mistakes; of this I had a r instance soon after, when, in the yn of a forest, I saw a wild pig and sow run- ning close behind each other. My ball had missed them, yet the foremost pig only ran away, and the sow stood motionless, as fixed to the ground. On examining into the matter, I found the latter one to be an old sow, blind with age, which had taken hold of her pig’s tail in order to be led along by filial duty. My ball having passed between the two, had cut his leading-string, which the old sow continued to hold in her mouth, and as her former guide did not draw her on any longer, she had stopped of course; I therefore laid hold of the remaining end of the pig’s tail, and led the old beast home without any further trouble on my part, and without any re- luctance or > eg on the part of the help- less old animal, Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce and dangerous are the boars, one of which I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest, unprepared for attack or defense. I retired behind an oak-tree, just when the furious animal leveled a side-blow at me, with such force that his tusks apaeeced through the tree, by which means he could neither repeat the blow nor retire. Ho, ho! thought I, I shall soon have you now!—and immediately I laid hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered and bent his tusks in such a manner, that he could not retreat by = means, and must wait my return from the next vil- lage, whither I went for ropes and a cart, to secure him npperty and to him off safe and alive, in which I perfectly su ed. CHAPTER IV. REFLECTIONS ON ST. HUBERT’S STAG—SHOOTS A STAG WITH CHERRY-STONES; THE WONDERFUL EFFECTS OF IT—KILLS A BEAR BY EXTRAORDINARY DEXTERITY; HIS DANGER PATHETICALLY DESCRIBED—ATTACKED BY A WOLF, WHICH HE TURNS INSIDE OUT—IS AS- SAILED BY & MAD DOG, FROM WHICH HE ESCAPES— THE BARON’S CLOAK SEIZED WITH MADNESS, BY WHICH HIS WHOLE WARDROBE IS THROWN INTO CON- FUSION. You have heard, I dare say, of the hunter’s and rtsman’s saint and protector, St. Hubert; and of e noble stag, which ap to him in the forest with the holy cross between his antlers. I have an my homage to that saint every year in ng fellow- ship, and seen this stag a thousand times, either ted in churches, or embroidered in ‘the stars of knights; so that, — the honor and conscience of a good sportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly, or whether there are not such crossed even at this present day. But let me rather tell what I have seen myself. Hav- ing one day spent all rs shot, I found myself unex- pectedly in presence of a stately stag, looking at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches. I charged immediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones, for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I let fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the forehead, between his antlers; it stunned him—he staggered—yet he made off. A year or two after, be- ing with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with a fine, full-grown cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers. I immediately re- collected my former adventure, looked upon him as my property, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at once gave me the haunch and cherry- sauce; for the tree was covered with the richest fruit, the like I had never tasted before. Who knows but some passionate holy sportsman, or sport- ing abbot, or bishop, may have shot, planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert’s stag, in a manner similar to this? They always have been; and still are, famous for plantations of crosses and antlers; and in case of distress or dilemma which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one is apt to grasp at anything for safety, and to try an expedient, rather than miss the favorable opportu- nity. Ihave many times found myself in that try- i ae > thie? at do you say 0 s, for example? Dayli and powder were spent one day in a Polish dang When I was going home, a terrible bear made up to mein great speed, with open mouth ready to fall upon me; all my pockets were searched in an in- stant for powder and ball, but in vain—I found noth- oe ea two spare flints; one I flung with all my might into the monster’s open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain, and made him turn about, so that I could level the second at his back-door, which, in- deed, I-did with wonderful success; for it flew’ in met the first flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terrible explosion. Though ITcame safe off that time, yet I should not wish to try it again, or venture against bears with no other ammunition. — There is a kind of fatality init. The fiercest and most dangerous animals generally came upon me when defenseless, as if they had a notion or an in- stinctive intimation of it. Thus, a frightful wolf rushed a me so suddenly and so close that I could do nothing but follow mechanical instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety’s sake I pores on and on, till my arm was fairly’ in up to the shoulder. How should I disengage myself ? I was not much pleased with my awkward situation with a wolf face to face—our ogling was not of the most B penn se kind. If I withdrew my arm then the animal would fly the more furiously upon me; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid hold of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him to the ground where I left him. The same Be ages would not have answered against a mad dog, which soon after came running against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburgh. Run who can, I thought; and to do this the better. I threw off my fur cloak, and was safe within doors in an instant. Isent my servant for the cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The day after, I was amazed and frightened b Jack’s bawling, ‘‘ For God’s sake, sir, your fur cloak is mad!” hastened up to him, and found almost all my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly right in his appre- iensions about the fur cloak’s madness, I saw him myself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit- ch he shook and tossed in an unmerciful man, ner. CHAPTER V. THE EFFECTS OF GREAT ACTIVITY AND PRESENCE OF MIND—A FAVORITE HOUND DESCRIBED, WHICH PUPS WHILE PURSUING A HARE; THE HARE ALSO LITTERS WHILE PURSUED BY THE HOUND—PRESENTED WITH A FAMOUS HORSE BY COUNT PRZOBOSSKY, WITH WHICH HE PERFORMS MANY EXTRAORDINARY FEATS. At these narrow and lucky escai gentlemen were chances turned to advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions, which, taken together, as everybody knows, make the fortunate sports- man, sailor, and soldier; but he would be a very blamable ~and imprudent sportsman, admiral, or ape who would always depend upon chance and stars, without troubling himself about those arts which are their particular pursuits, and without pro- viding the very best implements which insure suc- cess. I was not blamable either way; for L- have always been as remarkable for the excellence of my — ee dogs, guns, and swords, as for the proper manner of using and managing them; so that, upon the whole, I may hope to be remembered in the forest, upon the turf, and in the field. I shall not enter here into any detail of my stables, kennel, or armory; but a favorite bitch of mine I cannot help mentioning to you—she was a grayhound, and I never had or saw a better. She grew old in my service, and was not Seg te for her size, but rather for her uncommon Swiftness. I always coursed with her. Had you seen her you must have admired her, and would not have wondered at my predilection, and at my coursing her so much. She ran so fast, so much and so long in my service, that she actually ran o her legs; so that in the latter part of her Tite I was under the necessity of working and using her only as a terrier, in which quality she still served me many years. commonly big, 1 pitied tay see brane te A , 1 pitied m r bi with pu var she would pe A ny as fast as aver: | could follow her on horseback only at a great dis- tance. At once I heard a cry as it were, of a pack of hounds, but so weak and faint that I hardly knew what to make of it. Coming = to them, I was tly surprised. The hare had littered in running; the same had happened to my bitch in coursing— and there were just as many leverets as pups. By instinct the former ran, the latter coursed: and thus TI found myself in aes at once of six hares and as many dogs at the end of a course which had only begun with one. remember this, my wonderful bitch, with the same pleasure and tenderness as a superb Lithuanian
Page 3
Baron Munchausen. horse, which no money could have bought. He became mine by an accident, which gave me an yo cred of showing my horsemanship to a great advantage. I was at Count Przobossky’s noble country-seat in Lithuania, and remained with the ladies at tea in the drawing-room, while the gentlemen were down in the yard to see a young horse of blood which had just arrived from the stud. We suddenly heard a noise of distress—I hastened down-stairs and found the horse so unruly that nobody durst approach or mount him. The most resolute horseman stood amazed and aghast—despondency was expressed in every countenance; when, in one leap, I was on his back, took him by surprise and worked him quite into gentleness and obedience, with the best display of horsemanship I was master of. Fully to show this to the ladies and save them unnecessary trouble, I forced him to leap in at one of the windows of the tea-room, walked round several times, pace, trot, and gallop; and at last made him mount the tea- table, there to repeat his lessons in a pretty style of miniature, which was exceedingly pleasing to the la- dies, for he performed them amazingly well and did not break either cup or saucer, It placed me so high in their opinion and so well in that of the noble lord, that with his usual politeness he begged I would accept of this young horse, and ride him full career to conquest and honor, in the campaign against the Turks, which was soon to be opened, under the com- mand of Count Munich. I could not indeed have received a more agreeable present, nor a more ominous one at the opening of that campaign, in which I made my apprenticeship as a soldier. A horse so porte, so es and so fierce—at once a lamb and a Bucephalus, put me al- ways in mind of the soldier’s and the gentleman’s duty—of young Alexander, and of the astonishing things he performed in the field. We took the field, among several other reasons, it seems, with an intention to retrieve the character of the Russian arms, which had been blemished a little by Czar Peter’s last campaign on the Pruth; and this we fully accomplished by several very fa- tiguing and glorious campaigns under the command of that great genes! I mentioned before. Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to them- selves great successes or victories, the glory of which is generally engrossed by the commander, nay —which is rather awkward—by kings and queens who never smelt gunpowder but at the fleld-days and reviews of their troops; never saw a field of battle, or an enemy in battle array. Nor do I claim any particular share of glory in the t perenens with the enemy. We all did our uty, which, in the patriot’s, soldier’s’ and gentle- man’s language, is a very comprehensive word, of great honor, meaning, and import, and of which the Foran of idle quidnunes and coffee-house poli- icians, can hardly form any but a very mean and bape eg idea. However, having had the com- mand of a body of hussars, I went upon several expe- ditions, with discretionary powers; and the success I then met with, is, I think, fairly, and only to be placed to my account, and to that of the brave fellows whom I led on to conquest and to victory. We had very hot work once in the van of the a , when we drove the Turks into Oczakow. My spirited Lithu- anian had almost brought me into a scrape: I had an advance fore-post, and saw the enemy coming against me in a cloud of dust, which left me rather uncertain about their actual numbers and real intentions. To wrap myself up in a similar cloud was common pru- dence, but would not have much advanced my knowl- edge, or answered the end for which I had been sent out; therefore I let my flankers on both wings spread to the right and left, and make what dust they could, and I myself led on straight upon the enemy, to have a nearer sight of them: in this I was gratified, for they stood and fought, till, for fear of my flankers, they began to move off rather disorderly. This was the moment to fall upon them with spirit; we broke them crow: eee a terrible havoc among them, and drove them not only back to a walled town in their rear, but even through it, contrary to our most sanguine expectations. e swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me to be foremost in the pursuit; and seeing the enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate, I thought it would be prudent to stop in the market-place, to order the men to rendezvous. Istopped, gentlemen; but judge of my astonishment, when in this market-place I saw not one of my hussars about me! Are they scouring the other streets? or what has become of them? They could not be far off, and must, at all events, soon join me. In that expectation I walked my pant- ing Lithuanian toa spring in this market-place, and let him drink. He drank uncommonly—with an eagerness not to be satisfied, but natural enough j for when I looked round for my men, what should see, gentlemen? the hind part of the poor creature, croup and Jegs were missing, as if he had been cut in two, and the water ran out as it came in, without re- freshing or doing him any good! How it could have happened, was quite a mt aga to me, till I returned with him to the town-gate, There I saw, that when I rushed in pell-mell with the flying enemy, they had dropped the portcullis (a heary falling door, with sharp spikes at the bottom, let down suddenly, to revent the entrance of an enemy into a fortified wn), unperceived 3 me, which had totally cut off his hind part, that still lay quivering on the outside of the gate. It would have been an irreparable loss, had not our farrier contrived to bring both parts to- gether while hot. He sewed them up wit a os and young shoots of laurels that were at hand—the wound healed: and, what could not have happened but to so glorious a horse, the sprigs took root in his body, grew up, and formed a bower Over me; so that afterward I could go upon many other expedi- tions in the shade of my own and my horse's laurels. CHAPTER VI. THE .BARON IS MADE A PRISONER OF WAR, AND SOLD FOR A SLAVE—KEEPS THE SULTAN’S BEES, WHICH ARE ATTACKED BY TWO BEARS—LOSS OF ONE OF HIS BEES; A SILVER HATCHET, WHICH HE THROWS AT THE BEARS, REBOUNDS AND FLIES UP TO THE MOON; BRINGS IT BACK BY AN INGENIOUS INVENTION; FALLS TO THE EARTH ON HIS RETURN, AND HELPS HIMSELF OUT OF A PIT— EXTRICATES HIMSELF FROM A CARRIAGE WHICH MEETS HIS IN A NARROW ROAD, IN A MANNER NEVER BEFORE ATTEMPTED, NOR PRACTICED SINCE—THE WONDERFUL EFFECTS OF THE FROST UPON HIS SERVANT’S FRENCH HORN. I was not always successful. I had the misfortune to be overpowered by numbers, to be made prisoner of war; and, what is worse, but always usual among the Turks, to be sold for a slave. [The Baron was afterward in great favor with the Grand Seignior, as will appear hereafter.] In that state of humilia- tion, = daily task was not very hard and laborious, but rather singular and irksome. It was, to drive the Sultan’s bees every morning to their pasture-grounds, to attend them all the day long, and against night to drive them back to their hives. One evening I missed a bee, and soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her, to tear her to pieces for the honey she carried. Thad nothing like an offensive a in my hands but the silver hatchet, which is the ge of the Sul- tan’s gardeners and farmers. I threw it at the rob- bers, with an intention to frighten them away, and set the poor bee at liberty; but, by an unlucky turn of my arm, it flew upward, and continued rising un- til it reached the moon. How should I recover it? how fetch it down again? I recollected that Turkey- beans grow very quick, and run up to an astonishing hight. I planted one immediately; it grew, and ac- tually fastened itself to one of the moon’s horns, I had no more to do now but to climb up by it into the moon, where I atey arrived, and had a troublesome iece of business before I could find my silver hatchet, in a place where everything has the brightness of sil- ver; at last, however, I found it in a heap of chaff and chop straw. Iwas now for returning: a alas! the heat of the sun had dried up me bean; i was totally useless for my descent: so I fell to work, and twisted mea rope of that ag straw, as long and as well as I could make it. is I fastened to one of the moon’s horns, and slid down to the end of it. Here I held myself fast with the left hand; and, with the hatchet in my right, I cut the long, now useless end of the upper part, which, when tied to the lower end, brought me a good deal lower: this repeated splicing and tying of the rope did not im- rove its Goality or bring me down to the Sultan’s arms, Iwas four or five miles from the earth, at least, when it broke; I fell to the ground with such amazing violence, that I found myself stunned, and ina hoie nine fathoms deep at least, made by the weight of my body falling from so great a hight; I recovered, but knew not how to get out again; how- ever, I dug slopes or steps with my finger nails [the Baron’s nails were then of forty years’ growth], and easily accomplished it. Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks; and gaining my liberty, I left St. Petersburgh at the time of that singular revolution, when the emperor in his cradle. mother, the Duke of Brunswick, her father, Field-Marshel Munich, and many others, were sent to Siberia. The winter was then so uncom. monly severe all over Europe, that ever since the sun seems to be frost-bitten. At my return to this place, I felt on the road greater inconveniences than those I had experienced on my setting out. I traveled post, and finding myself in a narrow lane, bid the postillion give a signal with his horn, that other travelers might not meet us in the narrow pene, He blew with all his might, but his en- eavors were in vain, he could not make the horn sound; which was unaccountable and rather un- fortunate, for soon after we found ourselves in the resence of another coach coming the other way: here was no proceeding; however, I got out of my carriage, and being pretty strong, placed it, wheels and all, upon my head: I then jumped over a hedge about nine feet high (which, considering the weight of the coach, was rather difficult) into a field, and came out a by another jump into the road be- ond the other carriage: I then went back for the orses, and placing one upon my head, and the other under my left arm, by the same means brought them to my coach, put to, and proceeded to an inn at the end of our stage. I should have told you, that the horse under my arm was very spirited, and not above four years old; in making my second spring over the hedge, he expressed great dislike to that violent kind of motion, by kicking and el however, I con- fined his hind-legs, by putting them into my coat pocket. After we arrived at the inn, my postillion and I refreshed ourselves: he hung his horn on a peg near the kitchen fire; 1 sat on the other side. Suddenly we heard a ery of Zereng! tereng! teng! teng! We looked round, and now found the reason why the postillion had not been able to sound his horn; his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came out now ad thawing, plain enough, and much to the credit of the driver; so that the honest fellow enter- tained us for some time with a variety of_tunes. without putting his mouth to the horn—the King of Prussia’s March—Over the Hill and over the Da with many other favorite tunes: at length the thaw- ing entertainment conclided, as I shall this short ac- count of my Russian travels. Some travelers are apt to advance more than is —— strictly true; if any of the company enter- n a doubt of my veracity, I shall only sa, such I at their want of faith, and must request they will take leave before I begin the second part of my ad- ventures, which are as strictly founded in fact as those I have already related. PART I. CHAPTER VIL THE BARON RELATES HIS ADVENTURES ON A YOYAGI TO NORTH AMERICA, WHICH ARE WELL WORTH THE READER’S ATTENTION—PRANKS OF A WHALE—A SEA- GULL SAVES A SAILOR’S LIFE—THE BARON’S HEAD FORCED INTO HIS STOMACH—A DANGEROUS LEAK STOPPED A POSTERIORI, I eMBARKED at Portsmouth in a first-rate English man-of-war, of one hundred guns and fourteen hund- red men, for North America. Not worth relat- ing happened till we arrived within three hundred leagues of the river St. Lawrence, when the shi struck with amazing force against (as we sup a rock; however, upon heaving the lead, we could fin no bottom, even with three hundred fathom. What made this circumstance the more valuable, and in- deed beyond all comprehension, was, that the vio- lence of the shock was such that we lost our rudder, broke our bowsprit in the middle, and split all our masts from top to bottom, two of which went by the board; a poor fellow, who was aloft, furling the main-sheet, was flung at least three leagues from the ship; but he fortunately saved his life, by laying hold of the tail of a large sea-gull, who brought him back and lodged him on the very spot from whence he was thrown. Another proof of the violence of the shock was the force with which the people be- tween decks were driven against the floors above them; my head, particularly, was pressed into my stomach, where it continued some months before it recovered its natural situation. While we were all in astate of astonishment at the general and unac- oomene oma in Sn "e bie involved, me whole was suddenly explain y the ap ce 0 a large whale, who had been basking a aaron Gikkan sixteen feet of the surface of the water. S an- imal was so much displeased with the disturbance which our ship had given him—for in our we had with our rudder scratched his nose—that he beat in all the gallery and part of the quarter-deck with his tail, and almost at the same instant took the main-sheet anchor, which was suspended, as it usu- ally is, from the head, between his teeth, and ran away with the ship, at least “ leagues, at the rate of twelve leagues an hour, when fortunately the cable broke, and we lost both the whale and the an- chor. However, upon our return to Europe some months after, we found the same whale within a few leagues of the same spot, footers dead upon the water; it measured about half a mile in length. As we could take but a small quantity of such a mon- strous animal on board, we got our boats out, and with much difficulty cut off his head, where, to our ee joy, we found the anchor, and above forty athom of the cable, concealed on: the left side of his mouth, <= under his tongue. [Perhaps this was the cause of his death, as that side of his tongue was much swelled, with a great degree of inflammation. This was the only extraordinary circumstance t happened on this lat day One part of our distress, however, I had like to have forgot: while the whale was running away with the ship, she nrg a leak, and the water poured in so fast, that our pumps could not keep us from sinking; it was, however, my good fortune to discover it first. found ita large hole, about a foot diameter; you will naturally suppose this circumstance ye me infinite pleasure, when T inform og that this noble vessel was preserved, with all its crew, by a most fortunate thought! in short, I sat down over it, and could have dispensed with it had it been er; nor will you be rised, when I inform you I am descended from Dutch parents. [The Baron’s ancestors have but lately set- tled there; in another part of his adventures he boasts of royal pee My situation, while I sat there, was rather cool, but the carpenter's art soon relieved me, CHAPTER VIII. BATHES IN THE MEDITERRANEAN—MEETS AN UNEXPECT- ED COMPANION—ARRIVES INTENTIONALLY IN THE RE- GIONS OF HEAT AND DARKNESS, FROM WHICH HE IS EXTRICATED BY DANCING A HORNPIPE—FRIGHTENS HIS DELIVERERS, AND RETURNS ON SHORE, _I was once in great ange, of being lost in a most singular manner in the Mediterranean: I-was bath- ing in that pleasant sea, near Marseilles, one sum- mer’s afternoon, when I discovered a very large fish, with jaws quite extended, approaching me with the greatest velocity; there was no time to be lost, nor could I possibly avoid him. I immedi reduced myself to as small a size as possible, by closing my feet and placing my hands also near my sides, in which position I passed_directly between his jaws, and into his stomach, where I remained scme time in total darkness, and comfortably war. as you may imagine: at last it occurred to me, th: — by giv- ing him pain he would be glad to get ridof .e: as I had plenty of room I played my pranks, such as tumbhi x hop, step, and jump, etc., but rothing seemed to disturb him so much as the quick i \otion of my feet in attempting to dance a hornpipe, soon after I began, he put me out, by sudden fits and starts: I persevered; at last he roared horridly, and stood up almost perpendicular in the water, with his head and shoulders oy tere by which he was discov- ered by the people on an Italian trader, then sailing by, who harpooned him in a few minutes. As soon as he was brought on b I heard the crew consulting how they should cut up, soas to pre- serve the greatest quantity of oil. As I understood Italian, I was in most dreadful apprehensions lest their weapons a in this business should de- | stroy me also; therefore I stood as near the center | as possible, for there was room enot men in this creature’s stomach, and h for a dozen naturally im-
Page 4
4 agined they would begin with the extremities: how- ever, my fears were soon dispersed, for they began opening the bottom of the belly, As soon as I ved a glimmering of light, I called out lustily be released from a situation in which I was now almost suffocated. It is impossible for me to do jus- tice to the degree and kind of astonishment which sat — every countenance at hearing a human voice issue from a fish, but more so at a naked man walk upright out of his body; in short, gentle- mén, I told them the whole story, as I have done you, while amazement struck them dumb. After taking some refreshment, and jumping into the sea to Cleanse myself, 1 swam to my clothes, which lay where I had left them 6n the shore. As near as I Gan calculate, I was near four ‘hours and a half confined in the stomach of this animal. CHAPTER IX, ADVENTURES IN TURKEY, AND UPON THE RIVER NILE— SEES A. BALLOON OVER CONSTANTINOPLE; SHOOTS AT, AND BRINGS IT DOWN; FINDS A FRENCH EXPERI- MENTAL PHILOSOPHER SUSPENDED FROM IT—GOES ON AN EMBASSY TO GRAND CAIRO, AND RETURNS UPON THE NILE, WHERE HE IS THROWN INTO AN UNEX- PECTED SITUATION, AND DETAINED SIX WEEKS, Wuen I was in the service of the Turks, I fre- uently amiused myself in a pleasure-barge on the ora, which commands a view of the whole city of Constantinople, including the Grand Seignior’s Seraglio. One morning, as I was admiring the beauty and serenity of the sky, I observed a globular’ sub- stance in the air, which appeared to be about the size of a‘ twelve-inch teed with somewhat suspended from it. "I immediately took up my largest and | lo t barrel fowling- , which I never travel or inake’ even an excursion without, if I can help it; I charged with a ball, and fired at the globe; but to no fant ore the object being at too great a distance. I en put ina double quantity of powder, and five or six balls; this second attempt succeeded; all the balls took effect; and tore one side open, and brought it down. Judge my surprise, when a most elegant gilt car, with @ man in it, and part of a sheep which seemed to have been’ roasted, fell within two yards of me: when my astonishment had in some degree subsided, I ordered my people to row close to this strange aerial traveler. T took him on board my barge (he was a native of France): he was much indisposed from his sudden fall into the sea, and incapable of mg some time, however, he recovered, and gave the fol- lowing account of himself, viz.: ‘‘ About seven or eight 's Since, I cannot tell which, for I have lost my reckoning; having been most of the time where the sun never sets, I ascended from the’ Land’s End in Cornwall, in the Island of Great Britain, in the car from whence I have just been taken, suspended from a very large balloon, and took a sheep with me, to try atmospheric riments upon: unfortunately the wind changed wi ten minutes after my ascent; and instead of driving toward Exeter, where I in- ‘tended to land, I was driven toward the sea, over which “Isuppose I have continued ever since, but much’ too high to make observations. “ Theealls of hunger were so pressing, that the in- tended experiments upon heat and ae a ng gave Way to’them. Iwas obliged, on the third day, to kill ‘the sheep for food; and being at that time infinitely above the moon, and for upward of sixteen hours | after so very near the sun that it ‘scorched m brows, I placed the carcase, taking care to first, in that part of the car where the’sun had suffi- cient power, or, in other words, where the balloon did not @ it from the sun, by which method it was well roasted in about two hours. This has been my food ever'siice.”” Here he paused, and seemed lost in viewing the objects about him. When I told him the buildings before us were the Grand Seignior’s Se- raglio at Constantinople, he:seemed exceedingly af- fec as he had supposed himself in a yery different situa’ “The cause,” added he, “of my long S.0 feel tes valve eye- the balloon, intended to let out the inflammable air; and if it had not been fired at, and rent in the manner before mentioned, I might, like Mahomet, have been suspended between heaven and earth’till doomsday.” The'Grand Seignior, to whom I was introduced by the Imperial, Russian, and French embassadors, em- ployed me to negociate a matter of great importance at Grand Cairo, and which was of such a nature that thing, ex it must ever remain a secret. crowd T werit there in great state by land; where, having | of that very completed’ the’ business, I dismissed almost all my attendants, arid returned like a private gentleman: the ‘weather was delightful, and that famous river, the Nile, was beautiful beyond all deseription ; in short ‘was tempted to hire a barge, to descen: by watr Ph hen a be = the ree day sriteey voyag: he river began to rise most amazing! ou have a. heard, I presume, of the annual overtiownig of the Nile), and on the next day if spread the whole coun! ty for many leagues on éach side! On the fifth, at sunrise, my barge became entangled with wha I at first took for ibs; but as the light be- came stronger, I found myself surrounded by al- monds, which were perfectly + and in the highest perfection. Upon plumbing with a line, my people ound we were at least sixty feet from the ground, and unable to advance or retreat. At about éight or nine o’clock, as near as I could judge by the altitude of the sun, the wind rose suddenly, and canted our barge on one side: here she filled, and T saw no more of her for some time. Fortunately we all saved our- selvés (six nién and two boys) by clinging to the tree, the boughs of which were equal to our weight, though not to that of the barge: in this situation we continued six weeks and three days, living upon the it | Beadle’s H alf-Dime Library. almonds; I need not inform you we had plenty of water, On the forty-second day of our distress, the water fell as ae it had risen, and on the forty- sixth we were able to venture down upon terra firma. Our barge was the first pleasing object we saw, about” two hundred ‘yards from the spot where she sunk. After drying everything that was useful by the heat of the sun, and loading ourselves with necessaries from the stores on board, we set out to recover our lost ground; and found by the nearest Calculation, we had been carried over gardén-walls, and a variety of inclosures, above one hundred and fifty miles. In four days, after a ben 5 tiresome journey on foot, with thin shoes, we reached the river, which was now confined to its banks, related our adventures to a boy, | who kindly accommodated all our wants, and sent us forward ina barge of his own. In six days more we arrived at Alexandria, where we took eye tan to Constantinople. I was received kindly by the Grand Seignior, and had the honor of seeing the Seraglio, | to which his highness introduced me himself. CHAPTER X. PAYS A VISIT DURING THE SIEGE OF GIBRALTAR TO HIS OLD FRIEND, GENERAL ELLIOTT—SINES A SPANISH MAN- OF-WAR—WAKES AN OLD WOMAN ON THE AFRICAN COAST-—-DESTROYS ALL THE ENEMY’S CANNON} FRIGHT- ENS THE COUNT D'ARTOIS, AND SENDS HIM TO PARIS— SAVES THE LIVES OF TWO ENGLISH SPIES WITH THE IDENTICAL SLING THAT KILLED GOLIAH; AND RAISES THE SIEGE. Dvurine the late aes of Gibraltar, I went with a provision-fleet under Lord Rodney’s command, to see } my old friend General Elliott, who has, by his distin- shed defense of that place, acquired laurels that can never fade. After the usual joy which generall attends the meeting of old friends had subsided, | went to examine the state of the garrison, and view , the operations of the gg fi | eral what the Paes /pounder to be brought from a neighboring ; after | ; tothe Barbary for which purpose the general br ar ee me. 1ad brought a most €x- cellent refract ng telescope with me from London a of Dollond, by the > of which I found he enemy were going to discharge a thirty-six- pounder at the spot where We stood. I told the gen- were about; he looked through the also, and found my conjectures right. Iimme- , by his permission, ordered a ey al ttery, which I placed with so much exactness (having long oe he art of gunnery) that I was sure of my mark. I continued watching the enemy till I saw the match placed at the touch-hole of their piece; at _ 7 instant I gave the signal for our gun to be fire 0. About midway between the two piecés of cammon the balls struck each other with amazing force, and the effect was astonishing! The enemy’s ball recoil- had discharged it, by carrying his head. fairly of, : a : rly off, with sixteen others, which it met with in its p y coast; where its force, after passing — three masts of vessels that then lay in a line behind each other in the harbor, was so much spent, that it only broke its way through the roof ofa poor laborer’s hut, about two hundred yards inland, and | destroyed a few teeth an old woman had left, who | ball lodged ng to the failure of a string which was | | | | | lay asleep —s her back with her mouth open. The n her throat. Her husband soon after came home, and endeavored to extract it; but find- ing that impracticable, by the assistance of a rammer he forced it into her stomach. Our ball did excellent service; for it not only repelled the other in the manner Sar described, but, proceeding as I intended it should, it dismounted the very piece of cannon that had just been employed against us, and forced it into the hold of the ship, where it fell with so much force as to break its way through the bottom. The immediately filled and sunk, with above a thou- sand Spanish sailors on board, besides a consider- able number of soldiers. This, to be sure, was a most extraordinary exploit; I will ‘not, however, take the whole merit to myself; my judgment was the es engine, but chance assisted me a little; for l afterward found, that the man who charged our forty-eight-pounder put in, _' mistake, a double quantity of powder, else we could never have suc- ceeded so much beyond all expectation, especially in repelling the enemy’s ball. méral Elliott would have given me a commission for thissingular a of service; but I declined every- t thanks, which I received at a ed tab: . of officers at supper, on the evening ay. AsI am very partial to the —— who are be- ‘ond all doubt a brave people, I: determined not to take my leave of the garrison till /had rendered them another piece of service; and in about three weeks an o porbanity resented itself. I dressed myself in the habit of a h Priest, and at about one o’clock in the morning stole out of the son, passed the enemy’s lines, and arrived in the middle of their camp, where I entered the tent in which the Prince VArtois was, with the commander-in-chief, and several other officers, in deep counsel, conce a plan to storm the castle next morning. My was my protection; they suffered me to continue there, hearing everything that passed, till they went to their several beds. en I found the whole camp, and even the sentinels, were wrapped up in the arms of Morpheus, I began-my work, which was that of dismounting all their cannon (above three hundred pieces), from forty-eight to twenty-four-pounders, and throwing them three leagues into thesea. Hav- ing no assistance, I found this the hardest task I ever undertook, except swimming to the opposite shore with the famous Turkish pises of ordnance, describ- ed by Baron de Tott in his Memoirs, which T shall hereafter mention. I then riled ol! the carriages to- ‘down. Our two gether in the center of the camp, which, to prevent the noise of the wheels being heard, I carried in pairs under my afms; and a noble appearance they made, as high at least asthe rock of Gibraltar. I then lighted a match, by striking a flint stone, situated twenty feet from the und (in‘an 6ld wall, built b the Moors when a invaded Spain), with the breec of an iron éight-and-forty-pounder, and so set fire to the whole pile. I forgot to inform ‘you, that I threw all their ammunition-wagons upon the top. Before I applied the lighted match, I had laid the combustibles at the bottom, so judiciously, that the whole was in ‘a blaze in’‘a moment. To prevent sus- — I was one of the first to express my surprise. he whole ¢amp was, as you may imagine, petrified with astonishment: the general conclusion was, that their séntinéls had been bribed, and that seven or ‘eight ments of the garrison had béen employed in this horrid destruction of their artillery. “Mr. Drinkwater, in his account of this fanious siege, men- tions the enemy sustaining a great loss by a fire which happened’ in their camp, but never knew the cause; how should he? as I never divulged it before (though I alone saved Gibraltar by this night's busi- néss), not evén to General Elliott. The Count-d’Ar- tois and all his attendants ran away in their fright, and never sto on the road till they reached Paris which they did in about a fortnight; this dreadful conflagration had such an effect upon them, that they were incapable of taking the least refreshment for path gr after, but, chameleon-like, lived upon the air. Foe ae bi gt he tae the truth of is story, ne him a gallon of brandy, an make him drink it at one draught, Y,,Snd About two months after I had done the besieged this service, one morning, asI sat at breakfast with General ‘Elliot, a shell (for I had no time to destroy their mortars as well as their cannon) entered the apartment we were sitting in; it Sty upon our table: the general, as most men would do, si tted the room directly; but I took it up before it burst, and carried it to the top of the rock; when, looking over the enemy’s camp, on an eminence near the sea- coast, I observed a considerable number of people, but could not, with my néked eye, discover how they were employed. I had recourse again to my tele- scope, when I found that two’ of ‘our’ officers, one a — the other a colonel, with whom I had spent e preceding evening, and who went out into the at le camp about midnight as spies, were taken, and then were ‘actually going to be executed on a bbet. I found the distance too great to throw the shell with my ‘hand; but most fortunately recollect- ing that I had’the very sling in my pocket which as- sisted David in slaying Goliah, I placed the shell in it, and immediately threw it into the midst of them: it burst as it fell, and destroyed all ‘present, except the two culprits, who were saved by being suspended so high, for they were just turned ‘off: however, one of the pieces of the'shell flew with such force against the foot of the gibbet, that it immediately brought it friends ‘no ‘sooner felt errant, than they looked about for the cause; and, finding their guards, executioner and all, had taken it in their heads to die first, 4 directly extricated each other from their disgraceful cords: and then ran down to the sea-shore, seized a Spanish boat with two men in it, and made them row to one of our is which they did with great safety; and in a few min- utes after, when I was relating to Getieral Elliott how T had er they on — us by — hand, and, after mw congra’ ons, we re to spend day with festivity. ; pearson CHAPTER XI. AN INTERESTING ACCOUNT OF THE BARON’S ANCESTORS—- A QUARREL RELATIVE TO THE SPOT WHERE NOAH BUILT HIS ARK--THE HISTORY OF THE SLING AND ITS PROPERTIES—A FAVORITE POET INTRODUCED UPON NO VERY REPUTABLE OCCASION—-QUEEN ELIZABETH’S ARB- STINENCE—THE BARON’S FATHER CROSSES FROM ENG- LAND TO HOLLAND UPON A MARINE HORSE, WHICH HE SELLS FOR SEVEN HUNDRED DUCATS. _ You wish (I can see by your countenances) I would inform you how I became ssed of such a treas- ure as the sling just mentioned. (Here facts must be held sacred). Thus then it was: Tam a descend- ant of the wife of Uriah, whom we all know David was intimate with; she had several children by his majesty; they quarreled once upon a matter of the first consequence, viz., the spot where Noah's ark was built, and where it rested after the flood. A separation consequently ensued. She had often heard him of this sling, as his most invaluable treasure: she stole the night they parted; it was missed before she got out of his dominions, and she was pursued by no less than six of the king’s body- : however, by using it herself, she hit the first of them (for one was more active in the pursuit than the rest) where David did Goliah, and killed him on the t. His companions were go alarmed at his fall, that they retired, and left Uriah’s wife to pur- sue her journey. She took with her, I should have informed you before, her favorite son by this con- nection, to whom she bequeathed the sling; and thus it has, without interruption, descended from father to son till it came into my possession. One of its rotataeean my eat-great-great-grandfather, who ived about fro hundred and fifty Taeyn ago, was upon a visit to England, and became intimate with a poet, who was a t deer-stealer; I think his name was Shak: : he frequently borrowed this sling, and with it killed so much of Sir Thomas Lucy’s venison, that he narrowly escaped the fate of my two friends at Gibraltar. Poor Shakspeare was im- prisoned, and my ancestor obtained his freedom in a very singular manner. Queen Elizabeth was then on the throne, but grown so indolent, that every trifling
Page 5
Baron Munchausen. matter was become a trouble to her; dressing, un- dressing, eating, drinking, and some other offices, which shall be nameless, made life a burden to her: all these things he enabled her to do without, or by a deputy! and what do you think was the only return she could prevail upon him to accept for such emi- nent services?—Setting Shakspeare at liberty. Such | was his affection for that famous writer, that he | would have shortened his own days to add to the number of his friend’s, _I do not hear that any of the queen’s subjects, par- ticularly the begf-eaters, as they are vulgarly called to this day, however they might be struck with the | novelty at the time, much approved of her living | totally without food. She did not survive the prac- | tice herself above seven years and a half. My father, who was the immediate possessor of | this sling before me, told me the following anecdote: | He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich, with | this sling in his pocket; before his paces had covered a mile, he was attacked by a fierce animal, called a | sea-horse, open-mouthed, who ran at him with great | fury; he hesitated a moment, then took out his sling, retreated back about a hundred yards, stooped for a couple of pebbles, of which there were plenty under his feet, and slung them both so dexterously at the animal, that each stone put out an eye, and lodged in the cavities which their removal had ocea- | sioned. He now got upon his back, and drove him into the sea; for the moment he lost his sight, he lost all his ferocity, and became as tame as possible: the | sling was placed as a bridle in his mouth; he was guided with the atest facility across the ocean, | and in less than three hours they both arrived on the | opposite shore, which is about thirty leagues. The master of the Three Cups, at Helvoetsluys, in Hol- land, purchased this marine horse to make an exhi-| bition of, for seven hundred ducats, which was up- | ward of three hundred pounds; and the next day my | ig paid his passage back in the packet to Har- ich, My father made several curious observations in this passage which I will relate hereafter, CHAPTER XII. THE FROLIC: ITS CONSEQUENCES—WINDSOR CASTLE—ST. PAUL’S—COLLEGE OF PHYSICIANS, UNDERTAKERS, SEX- TONS, ETC,,ALMOST RUINED—INUUSTRY OF THE APOTHE- CARIES, The Frolic. Tuts famous sling makes the possessor equal to any task he is desirous of performing. | Imade a balloon of such extensive dimensions, that an account of the silk it contained would exceed all credibility; every mercer’s shop and weaver’s stock in London, Westminster, and Spitalfields, contributed | to it: with this balloon and my sling I played many | tricks, such as taking one house from its station, and | placing another in its stead, without disturbing the | inhabitants, who were generally asleep, or too much | employed to observe the peregrinations of their habitations. When the sentinel at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul's clock strike thirteen, it was — snort du ty olan te seme ee gether tha e le in St. e's Fields, and ed. Repack ain before daylight, without waking any of the inhabitants; notwith- standing these exploits, I should have kept my bal- loon and its properties a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of flying so public. On the 30tb of September, when the College of Physicians chose their annual officers, and dined sumptuously together, I filled my balloon, brought it ove: the dome of their building, clapped the sling round the golden ball at the top, fastening the other end of it to the balloon, and immediately ascended with the whole college to an immense hig: t, where I | kept them upward of three months. You will na- | turally inquire what they did for food such a length of time? To this I answer—Had I kept them sus- | pended twice the time, they would have experienced no inconvenience on that account, pte orrather | extravagantly, had they spread their table for that | day’s Sages? Though this was meant as an innocent frolic, it was productive of much mischief to several able characters among the clergy, undertakers, sex- tons, and grave-diggers; they were, it must be ac- knowledged, sufferers; for it is a well-known fact, | that during the three months the college was sus- pended in the air, and therefore incapable of attend- im Ww their patients, no deaths happened, except a few yho fell before the scythe of Father Time, and some melancholy objects, who, perhaps to avoid some trifling inconvenience here, laid the hands of violence upon themselves, and plunged into misery infinitel greater than that which they hoped by such a ras step to avoid, without a moment's consideration. Tf the apothecaries had not been very active dur- ing the above time, half the undertakers, in all prob- | ability, would have been bankrupts. CHAPTER XTIr, A Trip to the North. THE BARON SAILS WITH CAPTAIN PHIPPS, ATTACKS TWO LARGE BEARS, AND HAS A VERY NARROW ESCAPE— | GAINS THE CONFIDENCE OF THESE ANIMALS, AND THEN DESTROYS THOUSANDS OF THEM; LOADS THE SHIP WITH THEIR HAMS AND SKINS; MAKES PRESENTS OF THE FORMER, AND OBTAINS A GENERAL vie TION TO ALL CITY FEASTS—A DISPUTE BETWEEN mye CAPTAIN AND THE BARON, IN WHICH, FROM M OF POLITENESS, THE CAPTAIN IS SUFFERED TO GAIN HIS POINT—THE BARON DECLINES THE HONOR OF A THRONE, AND AN EMPRESS INTO THE BARGAIN. We all remember Captain Phipps’s (now Lord Mul- grave) last voyage of discovery to the north. I ac- | companied the captain, not as an officer, but a pri- | | ous cavities opposed me, which I was obliged to } pares me totally of my senses for nearly half an a | me in skinning them, and carrying | Shi vate friend. When we arrived in a high northern | latitude, I was viewing the objects around me with | the telescope which I introduced to your notice in | my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw two large white bears in violent action upon a body of ice con- siderably above the masts, and about half a league distance. I immediately took my carbine, slung it across my shoulder, and ascended the ice. When I arrived at the top, the unevenness of the surface made my approack: to those animals troublesome and hazardous beyond expression: sometimes hide- spring over; in other parts the surface was as smooth | as a mirror, and I was ee cree | falling: as I ap- | proached near enough to reach them, I found they | were only at play. [immediately began to calculate | the value of their skins, for they were each as large as a well-fed ox: unfortunately, at the very instant | I was presenting my carbine, my right foot slipped, | I fell upon my back, and the violence of the blow de- our; however, when I recovered, judge of my sur- oon at finding one of those large animals I have een just describing had turned me upon my face, | and was just laying hold of the waistband of my | breeches, which were then new and made of leather: | he was certainly going to carry me feet foremost, God knows where, when I took this knife (showing a large clasp-knife) out of my side-pocket, made a chop at one of his hind-feet, and cut off three of his | toes; he immediately let me drop, and roared most | horridly. Itook up my carbine and fired at him as he ran oft; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused several thousands of these white bears, who were asleep upon the ice within half a mile of me; | they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in = pericranium just at that instant. took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the time that some people would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrap- pee myself in it, placing my own head directly under ruin’s; the whole herd came round me pata A on v0} and my anprepeunons threw me into a most piteous situation, be sure: however, my scheme turned | out a most admirable one for my own safety. They | all came smelling, and evidently took me for a bro- ther bruin; I wan nothing but bulk to make an ex- | cellent counterfeit; however, I saw several cubs | among them not much larger than myself, After | they had all smelt me, and the body of their deceased | companion, whose skin was now become my pro- tector, we seemed very sociable, and I found I could | mimic all their actions tolerably well; but at growl- ing, roaring, and hugging, hey were quite my mas- ters. I began now to t ink how I might turn the general confidence which I had created among these animals to my advantage. I heard an old army surgeon say, a wound in the spine was instant death. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse to my knife, | with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck, near the shoulders, but under great apprehen- sions, not doubting but the creature would, if he sur- vived the stab, tear me to pieces. However, I was remarkably fortunate; for he fell dead at my feet without making the least noise. I was now resolved to demolish them every one in the same manner, | which I accomplished without the least difficulty; for although they saw their companions fall, the | had no suspicion of either the cause or the effect. When they all lay dead before me, I felt myself a second Samson, having slain many thousands. ) To make short of the story, I went back to the | ship, and borrowed three parts of the crew to assist the hams on board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the with them. As to the other parts of the ani- mals, they were thrown into the sea, though I doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the legs, were they properly cured. As soon as we returned, I sent some of the hams, in the captain’s name, to the Lords of the Admiralty, | others to the Lords of the Treasury, some to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the trading companies, and the remainder to = particular friends, from all of whom I re- ceived warm thanks; but from the city I was hon- ored with substantial notice, viz. an invitation to dine at Guildhall annually on Lord Mayor's Day. The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majesty and her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks with her own hand, and sent it by an embassador extraordinary inviting me to share the honors of her bed and crown; but asI never was ambitious of royal dignity, I declined her majesty’s favor in the politest terms. The same embassador had orders to wait and Se my answer to her majesty personally, upon whi | business he was absent about three months: her ma- | esty’s reply convinced me of the strength of her af- ections, and the dignity of her mind; her late indis- position was entirely owing (as she, kind creature ty). was pleased to bg te herself in a late conversation | with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my cruelty. What | the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress | is not the only female sovereign who has offered me her hand. : Some people have very illiberally reported, that Captain Phipps did not proceed as far as he might | have done upon that expedition. Here it becomes = duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper | trim, till I loaded it with such an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams, after which it would have been madness to have attempted to proceed further, as we were now scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much less those mountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes. ’ he captain has since often expressed a dissatis- faction that he had no share in the honors of that day, which he emphatically called the dear-skin day. | | posite mountain, and left | but pay her some comp | lovely couple met by accident in the street, in conse- | saw the folly of quarreling, 5 He has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I destroyed so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself: indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we have actually quarreled about it, and we are not now upon speak- ing terms. _He boldly asserts I had no merit in de- ceiving the bears, because I was covered with one of their skins; nay, he declares there is not, in his opin- ion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as him- self among the human species. He is now a noble peer, and I am too well ac- quainted with good manners to dispute so delicate a point with his lordship. CHAPTER XIV. | OUR BARON EXCELS BARON TOTT BEYOND ALL COMPARI- SON: YET FAILS IN PART OF HIS ATTEMPT—GETS INTO DISGRACE WITH THE GRAND SEIGNIOR, WHO ORDERS HIS HEAD TO BE CUT OFF—ESCAPES, AND GETS ON BOARD A VESSEL, IN WHICH HE IS CARRIED TO VENICE —BARON TOTT’S ORIGIN, WITH SOME ACCOUNT OF THAT GREAT MAN’S PARENTS—POPE GANGANELLI'S AMOUR—HIS HOLINESS FOND OF SHELL-FISH. Baron DE Torr, in his Memoirs, makes as t a parade of a single act, as many travelers whose whole lives have been spent in seeing the different pas of the globe; for my part, if I had been blown r- tted to discharge it, It required no less thanthree behind the cannon, gave the signal, and felt a shock like that of an earth At the distance of three hundred fathom, the ball burst into three pieces; the fragments crossed the strait, rebounded on the op- the surface of the water all in a foam, through the whole breadth of the channel.” This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect, Bar- on Tott’s account of the largest cannon in the known world. Now, when I was theré not long since, the anecdote of Tott’s firing this tremendous piece was mentioned as a proof of that gentleman's extraordi- nary courage. Iwas determined not to be outdone by a French- man; therefore took this very piece upon my shoul- der, and, after balancing it nye ly, Jumped into the sea with it, and swam the opposite sho from whence I he eh en many attempted t6 throw back into its former place. I say unfortunately, for it ef te a little in my hand, just as I was to discharge it, and in consequence of that, it ell fato the middle of the channel, where it now without a prospect of ever recovering it: and notwithstand- ing the high favor I was in with the Grand Seignior, as before mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he heard of the loss of his famous piece of ordnance, is- sued an order to cut off = head. Iwas immediate- ly informed of it by one of the Sultanas, with whom T was become a great favorite, and she secreted me in her apartment while the officer charged with my execution was, with his assistants, in search of me. That very nigh I made my escape on board a ves- sel bound to Venice, which was n weighing an- chor to proceed on her voyage. _ The last story, gentlemen, I am not fond of men- a as I miscarried in the attempt, and was very near losing my life into the bargain’ however, as it contains no impeachment of my honor, I would not withhold it from you. Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and can have no doubt of my veracity. I will entertain you with the origin of this same swaggering bouncing Tott: His reputed father was a native of Berne, in Switz- erland; his profession was that of a surveyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, vulgarly & scaven- ger. His mother was a native of the mountaing of Savoy, and had a most beautiful large wen on her | neck, common to both sexes in that part of ‘the world; she left her parents when young, and sought her fortune in the same city which gave his father birth; she maintained herself, while single, by acts. of kindness to our sex, for she never was known to refuse them any favor 8 asked, provided they did iment beforehand. This quence of their being both intoxicated; for, by reel- ing to one center, they threw each other down; this created mutual abuse, in which they were complete adepts; they were both carried to the watch-house, and afterward to the house of correction; they soon made it up, became fond of each other, and married; but madam ety | _ to her old tricks, his father, who had high notions of © honor, soon separated himself from her; she then joined a family who strolled about with a puppet- show. In time she arrived at Rome, where eho cept an oyster-stand. You have all heard, no doubt, of Pope Ganganelli, commonly called Clement XIV.; he
Page 6
6 Beadle’s Half-Dime Library. was remarkably fond of oysters. One Good Friday, as he was passing through this famous city in state, to assist at high mass at St. Peter’s Church, he saw this woman’s oysters (which were remarkably fine and fresh); he could not proceed without tasting them; there were about five thousand people in his train; he ordered them all to stop, and sent word to the church he could not attend mass till next day; | then alighting from his horse (for the Pope always rides on horseback upon these occasions) he went into her stall, and ate every oyster she had there, and af- terward retired into the cellar where she had a few more. This subterraneous apartment was her kitch- en, parlor, and bedchamber. He liked his situation so much that he discharged all his attendants, and, to make short of the story, his Holiness passed the whole night there! Before they parted, he gave her absolution, not only for every sin she had, but all she might hereafter commit. ow, gentlemen, I have his mother’s word for it (and her honor cannot be doubted,) that Baron Tott is the fruit of that amour. When Tott was born, his mother applied to his Holiness, as the father of her child; he immediately placed him under proper peo- ple; and ashe grew Up» gave him a gentleman’s edu- cation, had him taught the use of arms, procured him promotion in France, and a, title, and when he died he left him a good estate, CHAPTER XV. A FURTHER ACCOUNT OF THE JOURNEY FROM HAR- WICH TO HELVOETSLUYS—DESCRIPTION OF A NUMBER OF MARINE OBJECTS, NEVER MENTIONED BY ANY TRAVELER BEFORE—ROCKS SEEN IN THIS PASSAGE, EQUAL TO THE ALPS IN MAGNITUDE; LOBSTERS, CRABS, ETC., OF AN EXTRAORDINARY MAGNITUDE—A WOMAN ’s LIFE SAVED—THE CAUSE OF HER FALLING INTO THE SEA—DR, HAWES’S DIRECTIONS FOLLOWED WITH SUC- CESS. I omirTep several very material parts in my fath- er’s journey across the English Channel to Holland, which, that they may not totally lost, I will now faithfully give you in his own words, as I heard him relate them to friends several times. “On my arrival,’ says my father, ‘at Helvoet- sluys, I was observed to breathe with some difficulty: upon the inhabitants inquiring into the cause, I in- formed them that the animal upon whose back I rode from Harwich across to their shore, did not swim! Such is their peculiar form and disposition that they cannot float or move upon the surface o the water; he ran with incredible swiftness upon the sands, from shore to shore, driving fish in millions before him, many of which were a te different from any I had yet seen, carrying their heads at the extremity of their tails. I crossed,” continued he, ‘one prodigious range of rocks, equal in hight to the Alps, (the tops or highest part of these marine mountains are said to be upward of one hundred fathoms below the surface of the sea) on the sides of which there was a great variety of tall, noble trees, loaded with marine fruit, such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scallops, muscles, cockles, etc. etc.; some of which were a cart-load singly, and none less than a porter’s! All those which are brought on shore, and sold in our markets, are of an inferior dwarf a or properly, waterfalls, i. ¢., fruit shook off the branches of the tree it grows upon, by the motion of the water, as those in our gardensare by that of the wind! The lobster-trees aynear the richest, but the crab and oysters were the tallest. The periwinkle is a kind of shrub; it ws at the foot of the oyster-tree, and twines round it as the ivy does the oak. I observed the effect of several accidents by shipwreck, etc., cularly a ship that had been wrecked by strik- against a mountain or rock, the top o lay. within three fathoms of the surface. As which | she sunk, she fell upon her side, and forced a very | e lobster-tree out of its place. It was in the , when the lobsters were very young, and many of them being separated by the violence of the shock, they fell upon a crab-tree which was growing below them; they have, like the farina of plants, united, and produced a fish resembling both. I en- deavored to bring one with me, but it was too cum- bersome, and my salt-water Pegasus seemed much displeased at every attempt to stop his career while I continued upon his back; besides, I was then, though galloping over a mountain of rocks that lay about midway the passage, at least five hundred fathom below the surface of the sea, and began to find the want of air inconvenient; therefore I had no inclination to prolong the time, Add to this, m situation was in othel respects very unpleasant; met many large fish, who were, if I coul judge by their open mouths, not only able, but really wished to devour us; now, as my Rosinante was blind, I had these hungry gentlemen's attempts to guard against, in addition to my other difficulties. “ As we drew near the Dutch shore, and the body of water over our heads did not exceed twenty fath- oms, I thought I saw a human figure in a female dress then fine on the sand before me with some of life; when I came close, I perceived her hand move; I took it into mine, and brought her on shore as & corpes. An apothecary, who had just been instructed by Dr. Hawes [the Baron’s father must have lived very lately, if Dr. Hawes was his preceptor,] of London, treated her properly, and she recovered. She was the rib of a man who command- ed a vessel belonging to Helvoetsluys. He was just ing out of port on a voyage, when she, hearing he got a mistress with him, followed him in an open boat. As soon as she had got on the quarter-deck, she flew at her husband, and attempted to strike him with such impetuosity, that he thought it most | my former opinion. prudent to slip on one side, and let her make the im- | ey oe of her fingers upon the waves rather than | is face; he was not much outin his ideas of the consequence; for meeting no opposition, she went directly overboard, and it was my unfortunate lot to lay the foundation for bringing this happy pair to- gether again. “You can easily conceive what execrations the hus- band loaded me with, when, on his return, he found this gentle creature waiting his arrival, and learned the means by which she came into the world again. However, great as the injury is which I have done this poor devil, I hope he will die in charity with me, as my motive was good, though the consequences to him are, it must be confessed, horrible.” CHAPTER XVI. THIS IS A VERY SHORT CHAPTER, BUT CONTAINS A FACT FOR WHICH THE BARON’S MEMORY OUGHT TO | BE DEAR TO EVERY ENGLISHMAN, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO MAY HEREAFTER HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING MADE PRISONERS OF WAR. On my return from Gibraltar, I traveled by way of France to England. Being a foreigner, this was not attended with any incovenience to me. I found in the harbor of Calais a ship just arrived, with a num- | ber of English sailors, as prisoners of war. I imme- diately conceived an idea of giving these brave fel- lows their liberty, which I accomplished as follows: After forming a pair of large wings, each of them forty yards long, and fourteen wide, and annexing them to myself, I mounted at break of day, when every creature, even the watch upon deck, was fast asleep. As I hovered over the ship, I fastened three grappling irons to the tops of the three masts, with my sling, and fairly lifted her several yards out of the water, and then proceeded across to Dover, where I arrived in half an hour! occasion for these wings, I made them a present to | the Governor of Dover Castle, where they are now exhibited to the curious. As to the prisoners, and the Frenchmen who guarded them, they did not awake till they had been near two hours on Dover Pier. The moment the English understood their situation, they chan = with their guard, and took back what they ad been plundered of, but no more, for they were pas generous to retaliate, and plunder them in re- urn, CHAPTER XVI. VOYAGE EASTWARD—THE BARON INTRODUCES A FRIEND WHO NEVER DECEIVED HIM: WINS A HUNDRED GUINEAS BY PINNING HIS FAITH UPON THAT FRIEND'S NOSE—GAME STARTED AT SEA—SOME OTHER CIRCUM- STANCES, WHICH WILL, IT IS HOPED, AFFORD THE READER NO SMALL DEGREE OF AMUSEMENT. In a voyage which I made to the East Indies with Captain Hamilton, I took a favorite pointer with me; he was, to use a Common phrase, worth bis weight in gold, for he never deceived me. One day when we were, by the best observations we could make, at least three hundred leagues from land, my dog pointed; I observed him for near an hour with as- tonishment, and mentioned the circumstance to the captain and every officer on board, asserting that we must be near land, for my dog smelt game. This occasioned a general ‘laugh; but that did not alter in the least the good opinion T had of my dog. After much conversation pro and con, I boldly told the captain, I placed more confidence in Tray’s nose than I did in the eyes of every seaman on board; and therefore boldly proposed laying the sum I had agreed to pay for my passage (viz., one hundred ineas) that we should find game within half an our, The cegias (a good hearty fellow) laughed again, desired Mr. Crawford, the surgeon, who was prepared, to feel a pulse; he did so, and reported me in perfect health. The following dialogue be- tween them took place; I overheard it, though spok- en low, and at some distance. Captain. His brain is turned; I cannot with honor accept his wager. Surgeon. lam of a different opinion; he is quite sane, and depends more upon the scent of his dog than he will upon the judgment of all the officers on board; he will certainly lose, and he richly merits it. Captain. Such a wager cannot be fair on my side; however, I'll take him up, if I return his money af- terward. During the above conversation, Tray continued in the same situation, and confirmed me still more in I proposed the wager a second time, it was then accepted. Done! and done! were scarcely said on both sides, when some sailors who were fishing in the long-boat, hich was made fast to the stern of the ship, har- ned an exceeding large shark, which they brought on board and began to cut up for the purpose of bar- reling the oil, when, behold, they found no less than six brace of live partridges in this animal’s stomach! They had been so long in that situation, that one of the hens was sitting upon four eggs, and a fifth was hatching when the shark was opened!!! The young bird we brought up, by placing it with a litter of kittens that came into the world a few minutes before! The old cat was as fond of it as any of her own four-legged progeny, and made herself very un- happy, when it flew out of her reach, till it returned again. As to the other partridges, there were four hens among them; one or more were, during the voyage, constantly sitting, and consequently we had | plenty of game at the captain’s table: and in grati- tude hundred guineas) I ordered m the bones daily, and sometimes a whole bird. Having no further | A SECOND VISIT (BUT AN ACCIDENTAL ONE) TO THE MOON—THE SHIP DRIVEN BY A WHIRLWIND A THOU- SAND LEAGUES ABOVE THE SURFACE OF THE WATER, WHERE A NEW ATMOSPHERE MEETS THEM, AND CAR- RIES THEM INTO A CAPACIOUS HARBOR IN THE MOON —A DESCRIPTION OF THE INHABITANTS, AND THEIR MANNER OF COMING INTO THE LUNARIAN WORLD— ANIMALS, CUSTOMS, WEAPONS OF WAR, WINES, VEGE- TABLES, ETC. A Second Trip to the Moon. I HAVE already informed you of one trip I made to the moon, in search of my silver hatchet: I after- ward made another in a much leasanter manner, and stayed in it long enough to take notice of several things, which I will endeavor to describe as accurate- ly as my memory will permit. I went on a voyage of discovery, at the request of | a distant relation, who had a rs notion that there were people to be found equal in magnitude to those described by Gulliver in the empire of BroppienaG. For my part I always treated that account as fabulous; however, to oblige him, as he had made me his heir, I undertook it, and sailed for the South Seas, where we arrived without meeting | with anything remarkable, except some flying men and women, who wére playing at leap-frog, and dancing minuets in the air. On the eighteenth day after we had passed the Island of Otaheite, mentioned by Captain Cook as the me from whence they brought Omai, a hurricane lew our ship at least one thousand leagues above the surface of the water, and kept it at that hight, till a fresh gale arising, filled the sails in every part, and onward we traveled at a prodigious rate; thus we proceeded above the clouds for six weeks, At last we discovered a great land in the sky, like a shining island, round and bright; where coming into a convenient harbor, we went on shore, and soon | found it was inhabited. Below us we saw another | earth, containing cities, trees, mountains, rivers, seas, ete., which we conjectured was this world which we had left, Here we saw huge figures riding upon vul- tures of a prodigious size, and each of them havin three heads. To form some idea of the magnitude o these birds, I must inform you, that each of their wings is as wide as six times the length of the main- sheet of our vessel, which was about six hundred tons burden. Thus, instead of riding upon horses, as we do in this world, the inhabitants of the moon (for we now found we were in Madame Luna) fly about on these birds. The king, we found, was en- gaged in a war with the sun, and he offered mea commission, but I declined the honor his majesty intended me. Everything in this world is of extraor- dinary magnitude, a common flea being much larger than one of our s oon: in making war their princi- pal weapons are radishes, which are used as darts: those who are wounded by them die immediately. Their shields are made of mushrooms, and their darts (when radishes are out of season) of the tops of asparagus. Some of the natives of the Dog-star are to be seen here; commerce tempts them to ram- ble: their faces are like large mastiffs, with their eyes near the lower end or tip of their noses: they have no eyelids, but cover their eyes with the end of their tongues when they go to sleep; they are gener- ally twenty feet high. As to the natives of the moon, none of them are less in stature than thirty- six feet: they are not called the human species, but the cooking animals, for they all dress their food by fire, as we do, but lose no ‘time at their meals, as they open their left side, and eee the whole quan- tity at once in their stomach, then shut it again till the same day in the next month; for they never in- dulge themselves with food more than twelves times a year, oronce a month. All but gluttons and epi- cures must prefer this method to ours. There is but one sex either of the cooking or any oth- er animals in the moon; they are all produced from which is known from their ch are gathered with great care, and laid by as long as they think proper: when they choose to ani- mate the seed of these nuts, they throw them into a ee caldron of boiling water, which opens the shells in a few hours, and out jumps the creature. Nature forms their minds for different pursuits be- fore they come into the world; from one shell comes forth a warrior, from another a philosopher, from a third a divine, from a fourth a lawyer, from a fifth a farmer, from a sixth a clown, etc., ete.; and each of at least two yards long; when ot become ripe, oor Tray (for howe 2 means of winning one | them iamediately begin to perfect themselves, by practicing what they before knew only in theory. When they grow old, they do not die, but turn into air, and dissolve like smoke! As for their drink, they need none; the only evacuations they have are) , insensible, and by their breath. They have but one finger upon each hand, with which they perform every thing in as perfect a manner as we do who have four besides the thumb, Their heads are placed under their right arm; and when they are going to travel, or about any violent exercise, they generally leave them at home, for they can consult them at any / distance; this is a very common waco and when | those of rank or quality among the Lunarians have _ an inclination to see what’s going forward among | thecommon people, they stay at home, i. é., the bod | stays at home, and sends the head only, which is suf- fered to be present pony and return at pleasure | with an account of what has passed, The stones of their grapes are exactly like hail; and I am perfectly satisfied that when a storm or | high wind in the moon shakes their vines, and breaks
Page 7
are of med ——- to save a quantity of these stones when it hails next, and make Lunarian wine. It is acommon beverage at St. Luke’s. Some material cir- cumstances I had nearly omitted. They put their bellies to the same use as we do a sack, and throw whatever they have occasion for into it, for they can shut and open it again when they please, as they do their stomachs: they are not troubted with bowels, liver, heart, or any other intestines; neither are they incumbered with clothes, nor is there any part of their bodies unseemly or indecent to exhibit. Their eyes they can takein and out of their places when they please, and can see as well with them in their hands as in their head! and if by any accident they lose or damage one, they can borrow or pur- chase another, and see as bana with it as their own. Dealers in eyes are on that account very numerous in most parts of the moon, and in this ar- ticle alone all the inhabitants are whimsical: some- times green and sometimes yellow eyes are the fash- ion, I know these things appear strange; butif the shadow of a doubt can remain on any person’s mind, I say, let him take a. voyage there himself, and then he will know I am a traveler of veracity. CHAPTER XIX. THE BARON CROSSES THE THAMES WITHOUT THE ASSIS- TANCE OF A BRIDGE, SHIP, BOAT, BALLOON, OR EVEN HIS OWN WILL: ROUSES HIMSELF AFTER A LONG NAP, AND DESTROYS A MONSTER WHO LIVED UPON THE DESTRUCTION OF OTHERS. My first visit to England was about the beginning ef the present king’s reign. I : ; down to Wapping, to see some goods shipped, which I was sending to some friends at Hamburgh; after that business was over, I took the Tower Wharf in my way back. Here I found the sun very porermas and I was so much fatigued that I stepped into one of the cannon to compose mé, where I fell fast asleep. This was about noon: it was the fourth of June; exactly at one o’clock these cannon were all discharged in memory of the day; they had been all charged that morning; and having no suspicion of my situation, I was shot over the houses on the oppo- site side of the river, into a farmer's yard, between Bermondsey and Deptford, where I fell upon a large hay-stack without waking, and continued there in a sound sleep till hay became so extravagantly dear which was about three months after), that the armer found it his interest to send his whole stock to market: the stack I was reposing upon was the vest in the yard, containing about five hundred load; they began to cut that first. I waked with the voices of the people who had ascended the ladders to begin at the top, and got up, totally ignorant of my situation: in at ag tg By run pe 6 fell upon the farmer to whom the hay belonged, and broke his neck, yet received no injury myself, I after- ward found, to my great consolation, that this fel- low was a most detestable character, always es the produce of his grounds for extravagant markets. CHAPTER XX. THE BARON SLIPS THROUGH THE WORLD: AFTER PAY- ING A VISIT TO MOUNT ETNA, HE FINDS HIMSELF IN THE SOUTH SEA}; VISITS VULCAN IN HIS PASSAGE; GETS ON BOARD A DUTCHMAN; ARRIVES AT AN ISLAND OF CHEESE, SURROUNDED BY A SEA OF MILK; DE- SCRIBES SOME VERY EXTRAORDINARY OBJECTS—LOSE THEIR COMPASS; THEIR SHIP SLIPS BETWEEN THE TEETH OF A FISH UNKNOWN IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD; THEIR DIFFICULTY IN ESCAPING FROM THENCE 5 ARRIVE IN THE CASPIAN SEA—STARVES A BEAR TO DEATH—A FEW WAISTCOAT ANECDOTFS—IN THIS CHAP- TER, WHICH IS THE LONGEST, THE BARON MO! UPON THE VIRTUE OF VERACITY. ‘ 4 Mr. Drysones’ Travels to Sicily, which I had read with ered pleasure, induced me to pay a visit to Mount Etna; my voyage to this place was not at- tended with any circumstances worth relating. One morning early, three or four eb after my arrival, I set out from a cottage where I had slept, within six miles of the foot of the mountain, determined to ex- plore the internal parts, if I perished in the pew a After three hours’ hard labor, I found myself at the top; it was then, and had been for upward of three weeks, raging: its appearance in this state has been so frequently sotieed | by different travelers, that I will not tire you with ge gi of objects you are already acquainted with. I walked round the edge of the crater, which ee to be fifty times at least as capacious as the Devil’s_Punch-bow] near Petersfield, on the Portsmouth Road, but not so broad at the bottom, as in that part it resembles the contracted of a funnel more than a punch-bowl. At last, ha made up my mind, in I sprung, feet foremost; I soon found myself in a warm berth, and my body bruised and burnt in various parts by the red-hot cinders, which, by their violent ascent, oe posed my descent: however, my weight soon neoug it me to the bottom, where I ound myself in the midst of noise and clamor, mixed with the most hor- | rid imprecations: after recovering my senses, and feeling a reduction of my pain, I n to look about me, found myself in the company of Vulcan and his Cyclops, who had been quarreling for the three weeks before mentioned, about the observation of good order and due subordination, and which had oc- casioned such alarms for that space of time in the world above. However, my arrival restored peace to the whole society, and Vulcan himself did me the honor of applying plasters to my wounds, which healed them famedinte he also placed refresh- ly; : ments before me, particularly nectar, and other rich wines, such as the gods and goddesses only aspire to. had occasion to go | | pty of reply, drop ound myself descending with an increasing rapid- | uess, gentlemen, my astonishment, when I | I Ta | alterations, we saw land, and not at any great dis- show me every indulgence which my situation re- quired. To describe the apartment and the couch on which I reposed, is totally impossible, therefore I will not attempt it; let it suffice to say, it exceeds the are of language to do it justice, or speak of brine ind-hearted goddess in any terms equal to her merit. Vulcan gave me a very concise account of Mount Etna: he said it was nothing more than an accumu- lation of ashes thrown from his forge; that he was frequently obliged to chastise his people, at whom, in his passion, he made it a practice to throw red-hot coals at home, which they often parried with at dexterity, and then threw them up into the world, to place them out of his reach, for they never attempt- ed to assault him in return, by throwing them back again. ‘Our quarrels,’’ added he, “last sometimes three or four months, and these appearances of coals or cinders in the world are what I find you mortals call eruptions.’’ Mount Vesuvius, he assured me, was another of his shops, to which he had a passage three hundred and fifty leagues under the bed of the sea, where similar quarrels produced similar erup- tions. Ishould have continued here as an humble at- tendant upon Madam Venus; but some busy tattlers, who delight in mischief, whispered a tale in Vulcan’s ear, which roused in him a fit of jealousy not to be ap- peased. Without the least previous notice, he too me one morning under his arm, as I was waiting <% on Venus, agreeable to custom, and carried me to an apartment I had never before seen, in which there was, to all appearance,.@ well, with a wide mouth: over this he held me at arm’s-length, and saying, ‘ Ungrateful mortal, return to the world from whence you came,” without giving me the least op- me in the center I ity, till the horror of my mind deprived me of all reflection. I suppose I fell into a trance, from which I was suddenly roused by plunging into a large body of water illuminated by the rays of the sun!! I could, from my png f swim well, — tricks in the water. I now found myself in paradise, considering the horrors of mind I had just been re- proae floatin than going row accomplished, or ever attempted, but myself cular in my observations. I took some refreshment, and went to rest. The Dutch are a very rude sort of people; I related the Etna p to the officers, exac = I have done to you, and some of them, icularly the captain, seemed by his grimaces and half-sentences to doubt my veracity; however, as he had kindly taken me on board his vessel, and was then in the very act of ad- ata to my necessities, I pocketed the af- ront. T now in my turn an to inquire where they were bound? To which ey answered they were in — — new discoveries; ond cede! s aed 8 rue, a new passage ed, and we shall not return disa, nted.” We were now exactly in Captain Cook’s track, and arrived the next morahey in Botany Bay. This a I would by no means recommend to the English government as a receptacle for felons, or place of punishment; it should rather be the reward of merit, nature having most bountifully bestowed her best gifts upon it. We stayed here but three days; the fourth after our departure a most dreadful storm arose, which in a few hours destroyed all our sails, splintered our bowsprit, and brought down our topmast; it fell di- rectly upon the box that inclosed our compass, which, with the compass, was broken to pieces. Every one who has been at sea knows the conse- quences of such a misfortune: we now were at a loss where to steer. At length the storm abated, which was followed by a y brisk gale, that car- ried us at least forty knots an hour for six months! [we should suppose the Baron has made a little mis- take, and substituted months for enag when ‘ve be- gan to observe an amazing ¢c e in everything about us: our spirits became light, our noses were regaled with the most aromatic effluvia imaginable: the sea had also changed its complexion, and from green became white!! Soon after these wonderfu tance an inlet, which we sailed up near sixty es, and found it wide and deep, flowing with milk of the most delicious taste. Here we ded, and soon found it was an island consisting of one large cheese: we discovered this by one of the company fainting away as soon as we landed: this man always had an aversion to cheese; when he recovered, he desired the cheese to be taken from under his feet: upon ex- amination we found him perfectly right, for the whole island, as before observed, was nothing but a After this repast was over, Vulean ordered Venus to | cheese of immense ee ] } | 7 i Upon this the in- habitants, who are amazingly numerous, principally sustain themselves, and it grows every night in pro- rtion as it is consumed in the day. Here seemed to be plenty of vines, with bunches of large Bre J which, upon being pressed, yielded nothing but milk. We saw the inhabitants running races upon the surface of the milk: they were upright, comely figures, nine feet high, have three legs, and but one arm; upon the whole, their form was graceful, and when they quarrel, they exercise a straight horn which grows in adults from the center of their fore- heads, with great adroitness; they did not sink at all, but ran and walked upon the surface of the milk, as we do upon a bowling-green. Upon this island of cheese grows great plenty of corn, the ears of which produce loaves of bread, © ready made, of a round form like mushrooms. We discovered, in our rambles over this cheese, seven- teen other rivers of milk, and ten of wine. After thirty-eight days’ journey, we arrived on the opposite side to that on which we landed: here we not acquainted with. In these trees, which are of an amazing size, were plenty of birds’ nests; among others was a kingfisher’s, of prodigious magnitude; it was at least twice the circumference of the dome of St. Paul’s Church in London, Upon inspection, this nest was made of huge trees pee oy 4 joined together; there were, let me see (for I mcke it a rule always to pe meen compass,) there were upward of five red eggs in this nest,and each of them was as large as four common hogsheads, or eight barrels, and we could not only see, but hear the young ones chirping within. Having, with great fatigue, cut open one of these ogee, we let out a young one unfeathered, considerably larger than twenty full-grown vul- tures. Just as we had given this Phin seed his lib- erty, the old kingfisher lighted, and seizing our cap- tain, who had been active in breaking the egg, in one of her claws, flew with him above a mile high, and then let him drop into the sea, but not till she had beaten all his teeth out of his mouth with her wings. Dutchmen ere, swim well: he soon joined us, and we retreated to our ship. On our return we took a different route, and observed many strange objects. We shot two wild oxen, each with one horn also like the inhabitants, except that it sprouted from between the eyes of these animals; we were ard concerned at having destroyed them, as we found, by ne they tamed these creatures, and use them as we do horses, to ride upon and draw their ; their flesh, we were informed, is ex- cellent, but_useless where people live upon cheese and milk. When we had reached within two days’ oureey of the ship, we observed three men hanging a tree by their heels; upon inquiring the cause of their cnlabment, I found they had all been trav- elers, and upon their return home had deceived their friends, by describing places they never saw, and re- that never happened; this gave me no concern, as 1 have ever confined — to facts. p, we unmoored, un- As soon as we arrived at the sh and set sail from this extraordinary country, when, to our astonishment, all the trees upon shore, of which there were a great number very tall and large, paid their res to us twice, bowing to exact time, and imm recovered their former es which was quite erect. By what we could learn of this CuHeEEsE, it was considerably larger than the conti- nent of all Europe! After sailing three months, we knew not where, be- ing still without compass, we arrived in a sea which appeared to be almost black: upon tasting it, we found it most excellent wine, and had great difficulty to keep the sailors from getting drunk with it; how- ever, ina few hours we found ourselves surrounded by whales and other animals of an immense magni- tude; one of which appeared to be too large for the eye to form a judgment of: we did not see him till we were close to him. This monster drew our ship, with all her masts standing, and sails bent, by suction into his mouth, between his teeth, which were much larger and taller than the mast of a first-rate man- of-war. After we had been in his mouth some time, he opened it pretty wide, took in an immense quan- tity of water, and floated our vessel, which was at least five hundred tons burden, into his stomach; here we “4 fy quiet as at anchor in a dead calm. The air, to be sure, was rather warm and very offen- sive. We found anchors, cables, boats, and res in abundance, and a considerable number of ships some laden and some not, which this creature ha swallowed. Every thing was transacted by torch- light; no sun, no moon, no planet, to make observa- tions from. We were ali generally afloat and agrourd twice a-day: whenever he drank, it became hich water with us; and when he evacuated, we found ourselves aground: upon a moderate computation, he took in more water at a single draught than is generally to be found in the Lake of Geneva, thoug! that is above thirty miles in circumference, On the second day of our confinement in these regions of darkness, I ventured at low water, as we cr:led it, when the ship was aground, to ramble with vhe ca tain, and a few of the other officers, with lights our hands; we met with people of all nations, to the amount of upward of ten thousand; they were go ing to hold a council how to recover their liberty; some of them having lived in this animal’s stomach | several years; there were several children here who had never seen the world, their mothers having lain in repeatedly inthis warm situation. Just as the chairman was going to inform us of the business upon which we were assembled, this plaguy fish pe- coming thirsty, drank in his usual manner; the water poured in with such impetuosity, that we were
Page 8
8 Beadle’s HalfDime Library. all obliged to retreat to our respective ships immedi- ately, or run the risk of being drowned; some were obliged to swim for it, and with difficulty saved their lives. In a few hours after, we were more fortunate, we met again just after the monster had evacuated. I was chosen chairman, and the first thing I did was to propose splicing two main-masts together; and the next time he opened his mouth to be ready to wedge them in, so as to prevent his shutting it. It | , j ly dispute, and not likely to be finished soon. I made was unanimously approved. One hundred stout men were chosen upon this service. We had pe cerh got our masts properly prepared, when an opportunity of- fered; the monster opened his mouth; immediately the top of, the mast was placed against the roof, and the other’ end pierced his tongue, which effectually prevented him from shutting his mouth, Assoonas everything in his stomach was afloat, we manned a few boats, who rowed themselves and us into the world. The daylight, after, as near as we could judge, three months’ confinement in total darkness, cheered our spirits surprisingly, When we had all taken our leave of this capacious animal, we mus- tered just a fleet of ninety-five ships, of nations, who had been in this confined situation. We left the two masts in his mouth, to prevent others being confined in the same horrid gulf of darkness and filth. Our first object was to learn what part of the world we were in; this we were for some time at a loss to ascertain; at last I found, from former ob- servations, that we were in the Caspian Sea, which washes part of the country of the Calmuck Tartars! How we came here, it was impossible to conceive, as this sea has no communica- tion with any other. One of the inhabitants of the Cheese Isla 1d whom I had brought with me, ac- counted for it thus:—that the monster, in whose stomach we had been so long. confined, had carried us through some subter- ranean passage: however, we ushed to shore, andI was the rst who landed, Just as I put my foot upon the ground, a large bear leaped. upon me with his fore-paws; I caught one in each hand, and squeezed him till he cried out most eset however, in this position I held him till starved him to death. You may laugh, gentlemen, but this was soon accomplished, as I prevent- ed him licking his paws, From hence I traveled =p to St. Peters- burgh a second time: here an old friend gave me a most excel- lent pointer, descended from the famous bitch before mentioned, that littered while she was hunt- ing a hare. I had the misfor- tune to have him shot soon after by a blundering sportsman, who fired at him instead of a covey of partridges which he had just set. Of this creature’s skin I have had this waistcoat made, (showi his waistcoat), which always leads me involuntarily to soap if I walk in the fields in e proper season, and when I come within shot, one of the bul- tons seatanll fies a, and lodge upon the spot where the sport is; and as the birds rise, being al- ways primed and cocked, I never miss them. Here are now but three buttons left. I shall have a new set sewed on against the shooting season commences, en a covey of partridges is disturbed in this manner, by the button falling among ie they always rise from the groun in a direct line before each oth- er, I one day, by rip awe | to take my ramrod out of my gun, shot it straight through a leash, as regularly as if a cook had spitted them, I had forgot to pe in any shot, and the rod had nmade so hot with the powder, that the birds were completely roasted by the time I reached home. Since my arrival in England, I have accomplished what I had very much at heart, viz., provid for the inhabitant of the Cheese Island whom T had brought with me, My old friend, Sir William Cham- bers, who is entirely indebted to me for all his ideas of Chinese gardening, by a description of which he has gained such high reputation—I say, gentlemen, in a discourse which I had with this gentleman, he seemed much distressed for a contrivance to lighv the lamps at the new buildings, Somerset House; the common mode with ladders, he observed, was both dirty and inconvenient, y native of the Cheese Island popped into my head; he was only | To Modi rsa 4 i aving found one that answered my purpose, placed. 5 tot one nine feet high when I first brought him from his own country, but was now increased to ten and a half; I introduced him to Sir William, and he is appointed to that honorable office. He is also to earry, under a large cloak, a utensil in cach coat pocket, instead of those four which Sir William has very properly fixed for private purposes in so conspicuous a situa- tion in the — quadrangle. He has also obtained from Mr, Pitt the situation of messenger to his Majesty’s lords of the bedcham- ber, whose principal employment will now be, di- vulging the secrets of the Royal Household. | ble force, carried me away seated on its shoulders: I CHAPTER XXI. EXTRAORDINARY FLIGHT ON THE BACK OF AN EAGLE, OVER FRANCE TO GIBRALTAR, SOUTH AND NORTIF AMERICA, THE POLAR REGIONS, AND BACK TO ENG- LAND, WITHIN SIX-AND-THIRTY HOURS. Asour the beginning of his present Majesty’s reign, I had some business with a distant relation, who then lived on the Isle of Thanet; it was a fami- it a practice during my residence there, the weather being fine, to walk out every morning. After a few of these excursions, I observed an object upon a great eminence about three miles distant: I extend- ed my walk to it, and found the ruins of an ancient temple: I approached it with admiration and aston- ishment; the traces of grandeur and magnificence | roofs of its for- | Here I could not help lamenting the | which yet remained were evident mer splendor. ravages and devastations of time, of which that once noble structure exhibited such a melancholy | proof. I walked around it several times, meditating on the fleetin, trial things. On the eastern end were the remains of a lofty tower, near sick feet high, overgrown with ivy, the top apparently flat; I surveyed it on every side very age et thinking that if I could gain its summit, I should enjoy the most delightful prospect of the circumjacent country. Animated with this hope, I resolved, if possible, to gain the summit, which I at length effected by means of the ivy, ous not without great difficulty and danger: the top I found covered with this eve a large chasm in the middle. After I had surveyed with pleasing wonder the beauties of art and nature that conspired to enrich the scene, curiosity prompt- ed me to sound the opening in the middle, in order to ascertain its depth, as I entertained a suspicion toat it might probably communicate with some un- explored subterranean cavern in the hill: but hav- ing no line I was at a loss how to proceed. After re- volving the matter in my thoughts for some time, I resolved to drop a stone down and listen to the echo: myself over the hole, with one foot on each side, and stooping down to listen, dropped the stone, which I had no sooner done than I heard a rustling below, and suddenly a monstrous eagle put its head | right opposite my face, and rising up with irresisti- instantly grasped it round the neck, which was large reen, except | and transitory nature of all terres- | | | enough to fill my arms; and its wings, when extend- ed, were ten yards from one extremity to the other. | As it rose with a regular ascent, my seat was per- fectly easy, and I enjoyed the prospect below with | | some time, was seen by several Fig cna an a It hovered over Margate for d many shots were fired at it; one ball hit the heel of my shoe, but did me no injury! It then directed its course to Dover cliff, where it alighted, and'I thought of dismounting, but was prevented by a sudden dis- charge of musketry from a oe of marines that were exercising on the beach; the balls flew about my head, and rattled on the feathers of the eagle like hail-stones; yet I could not perceive it had re- ceived any injury. It instantly reascended and flew over the sea toward Calais; but so very high, that the Channel seemed to be no broader than the Thames at London Bridge. Ina quarter of an hour I found myself over a thick wood in France, where the eagle descanded very rapidly, which caused me to slip down to the back part of its head; but alighting on a large tree, and raising its head, I recovered my seat as before, but saw no possibility of disengag- ing myself without the danger of being killed by the fall; so I determined to sit fast, thinking it would carry me to the Alps, or some other high mountain, where I could dismount without any. danger. After resting a few minutes, it took wing flew several times round the wood, and screamed loud enough to be heard across the English Chan- nel. In a few minutes, one of the same species arose out of the wood, and fiew directly toward us; it surveyed me with evident marks of displeasure, and came very near me. After flying several times round, wey. both directed their course to the south-west. I soon observed that the one I rode upon could not keep pace with the other, but inclined to- ward the earth, on account of my weight; its companion per- ceiving this, turned round and placed itself in such a position that the other could rest its head on its rump; in this manner they proceeded till noon, when I saw the rock of Gibraltar very _dis- tinctly. The day being clear, notwithstanding .my degree of elevation, the earth’s surface ap- thay just like a map, where and, sea, lakes, rivers, moun- tains, and the like were perfect- ly distinguishable; and havin some knowledge of geography, was at no loss to determine what part of the globe I was in. While I was contemplating this wonderful prospect, a dread- ful howling suddenly began all around me, and in a moment I was invested by thousands of small black, deformed, frightful- looking creatures, who pressed me on all sides in such a manner that I could neither move hand or foot: but I had not been in their possession more than ten minutes, when I heard the most i oye music that can possi- bly be imagined: which was sud- sr changed into a noise, the m awful and tremendous, to which the report of cannon, or the loudest claps of thunder could bear no more proportion than the gentle zephyrs of the evening to the most dreadful hurricane: but the shortness of its duration prevented all those fatal effects which a prolonga- tion of it would certainly have been attended with. The music commenced, and I saw a great number of the most beautiful little creatures seize the other party, and throw them with great violence into some- thing like a snuff-box, which they shut down, and one threw it away with incredible velocity; then turning to me, he said, they whom he had secured were a party of devils, who had wander- ed from their pecper habitation; and that the v le in which they were inclosed would tay unabating rapidi- ty for ten thousand years, when it would burst of its own accord, and the de would recover their lib- = and faculties, as at the present moment. He had no sooner finished this relation than the musi¢ ceased, and they all disappeared, leaving me in a state of mind bordering on the confines of despair. When I had recomposed myself a little, and look- ing before me with inexpressible pleasure, iT observed that the eagles were preparing to light on the peak of Teneriffe: they descended on the top of a rock; but seeing no os mgr means of escape if Idismount- ed, determined me to remain where I was. The eagles sat down seemingly fatigued, when the heat of the sun soon caused them both to fall asleep; nor did I long resist its fascinating power. In the cool of the evening, when the sun had retired below the horizon, Iwas roused from sleep by the eagle moving under me; and having stretched myself along its ack, I sat up, and resumed my_ traveling position, when they both took wing, and having placed themselves as before, directed their course to South America The moon shining bright during the whole night, I had a fine view of all the islands in those seas, : _About the break of day we reached the great con- tinent of America, that part called Terra Firma, and descended on the top of a very high mountain. At inexpressible pleasure.
Page 9
cient for me to discover a kind of shrubbery all around, beari fruit something like a which the eagles began to feed on very erly. endeavored to discover my situation, but fogs and passing clouds involved me in the thickest dar eSS; | and what rendered the scene still more shocking, was the tremendous howling of bi ow a ercarer to be ve one th : mined to keep my seat, imagining tha e eagle would carry ne ann if any of them should taake a hostile attempt. hen daylight began to appear, I thought of examining the fruit which I had seen the eagles eat; and as some was hanging, which I could easily come at, I took out my knife and cut a slice: but how great was my surprise to see that it had all the appearance of roast beef, regularly mix- ed, both fat and lean! I tasted it, and found it well- flavored and delicious; then cut several large slices and put in my pocket, where I found a crust of bread which T had brought from Mar, ate; took it out, and found three musket-balls that i at Dover cliff. I extracted. them, and cutting a few slices more, made a hearty meal of bread and cold beef fruit, I then cut down two of the largest that grew near me, and tying them together with one of my garters, hung them over the eagle’s neck for another occasion, filli my ockets at the same time. While was settling these affairs, I observed a large fruit like an inflated bladder, which I wish- ed to ee an experiment upon: and sticking my knife into one of them, a fine pure liquor like Hollands gin ed out, which the eagles o ving, eagerly drank up from the ground. I cut down the bladder as fast as I could, and saved about half a pint in the bottom of it, which I tasted, and could not distinguish it from the best mountain wine. Idrank it all, and found myself atly refreshed. By this time he eagles began to stagger ainst the shrubs. Iendeavor- to keep my seat, but was soon thrown to some distance among the bushes. In attempt- ing to rise, I put my hand upon a tg hedgehog, which hap- pened to lie among the grass upon its back: it instantly closed round my hand, so that I found it impossible to shake it off. T struck it several times against the ground without effect; but while I was thus employed, I heard a _ rustli among the shrubbery, and looking up, I sawahuge animal within three yards of me; I could make no defense, but held out both my hands, when it rushed upon me, seized that on which the h hog was fixed. My hand being soon relieved, I ran to some distance, where I saw the crea- ture suddenly drop down and expire with the hedgehog in its throat. When the danger was past, I went to view the eagles, and found them ling on the grass fast asleep, being intoxi- cated with the liquor they had drank. Indeed, I found myself pain nemete “rt tt “gf it, and seeing eve ng quiet, Ibegan to search for women more, which I soon found; and having eut down two large bladders, about a gallon each, 1 tied them’ to- gether, and hung them over the neck of the other eagle; and two smaller ones I tied with a cord round my own waist. Having secured a good stock of provis- ions, and perceiving the eag'es begin torecover,I again took my seat. In half an hour they aros ee from the place, without taking the least notice of their incumbrance.—Bach reassumed its former station; and directing their course to the northward, they crossed the Gulf of Mexico, entered North America, and steered directly for the Polar regions, which gave me the finest opportunity of viewing this vast continent that can possibly be imagined. Before we entered the frigid zone, the cold began to affect me; but piercing one of my bladders, I took a draugat, and found that it could make no impres- sion on me afterward. Passing over Hudson’s Bay, I saw several of the Company’s ships lying at anchor, and many tribes of Indians marching rrith their furs to market. By this time Iwas so reconciled to m become such an —— rider, that I eoul look around me; but in general IT lay eagle’s neck, grasping it in my arms, with immersed in its feathers, in order to ye them warm, In these cold climates I observed that the eagles flew with ter rapidity, in order, I suppose, to keep their blood in circulation. In passing Baffin’s Bay, I saw several large Greenlandmen to the east- ward, and many large mountains of ice in those seas, While I was surveying these wonders of nature, it seat, and sit up and along the my hands this time the moon, far distant in the west, and ob- | scured by dark clouds, but just afforded light suffi- | wild beasts, some of | near: however, I deter- | ad been lodged in it | 9 Baron Munchausen. occurred to me that this was a good opportunity to discover the northwest passage, if any such thing ex- isted, and not only obtain the reward offered by gov- ernment, but the honor of a discovery pregnant with so many advantages to every European nation. But | while my thoughts were absorbed in this pleasing reverie, | was alarmed by the first eagle striki head against a solid transparent substance; and in a moment that which I rode experienced the same fate, and both fell down seemingly dead. , Here our lives must inevitably have terminated, had not a sense of danger, and the singularity of my situation, inspired me with a degree of skill and dex- terity, which enabled us to fall near two miles per- yendicular with as little inconvenience asif we had ceive the eagles strike against a frozen cloud, which is very common near the os than (they being | close together) I laid myself along the back of the foremost, and took hold of its wings to keep them extended, at the same time stretching out my legs | behind to oe the wings of the other. This had the desired effect; and we descended ve ny ona ut three mountain of ice, which I supposed to be a | miles above the level of the sea. I dismounted; unloaded the eagles; opened one of the bladders, and administered some of the liquor to each of them, without once considering that the hor- rors of destruction seemed to have conspired against me. The roaring of waves, crashing of ice, and the howling of bears, conspired to form a scene the most awful and tremendous: but notwithstanding this, m concern for the recovery of the eagles was so 8 , that Iwas ingensible of the danger to which I was exposed. Having rendered them every assistance in rat power, I stood over them in painful anxiety, fully sensible that it was only by means of them that i ss possibly be delivered from these abodes of espair. But suddenly a monster bear began to roar behind me, with a voice like thunder. I turned round, and seeing the creature just ready to devour me, havin the bladder of liquor in my hands, throu ha fear squeezed it so hard, that it burst, and the liquor fly- ing in the eyes of the animal, totally deprived it of sight. It instantly turned from me, ran away in a state of distraction, and soon fell over a precipice of ice into the sea, where I saw it no more. The danger being over, I again turned my atten- n let down with a rope: for no sooner did I per- | | | | | its_| | | “HIS HEAD HAD GOT AS FAR AS THE OTHER BEAST’S THROAT.” tion to the eagles, whom I found in a fair way of re- covery; and suspecting that they were faint for want of victuals, I took one of the beef fruits, cut it into small slices, and presented them with it, which a devoured with avidity. pring given them plenty to eat and drink, and disposed of the remainder of my provision, I took | possession of my seat as before. After composing myself, and adjusting every thing in the best manner, I began to eat and drink very heartily; and through the effects of the mountain, as I ed it, was very cheerful, and began to sing a few verses of a song which I had learned when 1 was a boy: but the noise soon alarmed the les, who had been asleep, thongs the quantity of liquor which they had dr; and t oy. arose seemingly much terrified. Happily for me, however, when I was feeding them I had ac- cidentally turned their heads toward the south-east, which course they pursued with a rapid motion. In a few hours I saw the Western Isles, and soon after had the inexpressible: pleasure of seeing Old Eng- land, I took no notice of the seas or islands over which I passed. The eagles descended gradually as they drew near the shore, intending, as I su d, to alight on one of the Welch mountains; but when they came to the distance of about sixty yards, two guns were fired at them, loaded with balls, one of which took place in a bladder of liquor that th to my waist; the other ente’ the breast of the foremost eagle, who fell to the ground, while that which I rode, having received no injury, flew away with amazing swiftness. This circumstance alarmed me exceedingly, and I to think it was impossible for me to escape with my life; but: re- covering a little, I once more looked down upon the earth; when, to my inexpressible Joy, : saw 7 “ ate = ance, and the eagle eqconding on the old tower whence it h carried me on the morning of the day before. It no sooner came down than I threw my- self off, happy to find that I was once more restored to the world. The eagle tlew away in afew minutes and I sat down to vy oe my fluttering spirits, which I did in a few hours. I soon paid a visit to m friends, and related these ad- ventures. Amazement stood in every countenance; their con- gratulations on my returning in safety were repeated with an u ected degree of pleasure; and ig } the evening as we are doing now, every person present paptag the highest com- liments to my CovurRAGE and ERACITY. CHAPTER XXIL THE BARON INSISTS ON THE VER- ACITY OF HIS FORMER MEMOIRS —FORMS A DESIGN OF MAKING DISCOVERIES IN THE INTERIOR PARTS OF AFRICA —HIS DIS- COURSE WITH HILARO FROST~- ICOS ABOUT IT—HIS CONVERSA- TION WITH LADY FRAGRANTIA —THE BARON GOES WITH OTHER PERSONS OF DISTINCTION TO COURT; RELATES AN ANECDOTE OF THE MARQUIS DE BELLE- COURT. ALL that I have related be- fore, said the Baron, is gospel; and if there be any one so hardy as to deny it, lam ready to fight him oem fens nm he pleases. Yes, cried he, ina more elevated tone, as he start- ed from his seat, I will condemn him to swallow this decanter glass and all, perha: and filled with kerren-wasser; {a kind of ardent spirit distilled from cherries, and much used in some parts of Germany.] Therefore, my dear friends and companions, have confidence in what I say, and pay honor to the tales of Munchausen. A traveler has a right to relate and embellish his adventures as he pleases; and it isjvery unpolite to refuse that deference and applause they deserve. : . Having passed some time in England since the completion of my former memoirs, I at le began to revolve in my mind what a igious field of dis- covery must be in the interior part of Africa. I could not sleep with the thoughts of it; I therefore determined to gain every proper assistance from government, to penetrate the celebrated source of the Nile, and assume the viceroyship of the interior kingdoms of Africa, or, at least, the great realm of Monomotapa. It was happy for me that T had one most powerful friend at court, whom I shall call the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, You eet romey know him not by name: but we had a language among ourselves, as well we may; for, in the course of my peregrinations I have acquired precisely nine hun- red and ninety-nine leash of languages. ae gentlemen, do you stare?—Well, I allow there a
Page 10
10 Beadle’s Half-Dime Library. not so many languages spoken in this vile world: but then, have I not been in the Moon? and trust me whenever I write a Treatise upon Education, I shall delineate methods of inculeating whole dozens of languages at once, French, Spanish, Greek, Hebrew, Cherokee, etc., in such a style as will shame all the pedagogues existing. Having —— a whole night without being able to sleep for the vivid imagination of African discoveries, I hastened to the levee of my illustrious friend, Hi- laro Frosticos; and having mentioned my intention | awordin my defense?” H | —not even a look, a smile for any one. with all the vigor of fancy, he gravely considered my | words, and after some awful meditations, thus he | spoke: ‘‘ Olough, ma genesat, istum fullunah, cum dera kargos belgarasah eseum balgo bartigos triangulissi- mus /—However,” added he, “it behoveth thee to con- | sider and ponder well upon the perils and the multi- tudinous dangers in the way of that wight who thus advanceth in all the perambulation of adventures. And verily, most valiant Sire and Baron, I hope thou | wilt demean thyself with all that laudable gravity | and precaution which, as is related in the three hun- dred and forty-seventh chapter of the Prophilactics, is of more consideration than all the merits in this terraqueous globe. Yes, most truly do I advise thee unto thy good, and speak unto thee, most valiant Munchausen, with the greatest esteem, and wish thee to succeed in thy voyage; for it is said, that in the interior realms of Africa there are tribes that can see but just three inches and a half beyond the extrem- ity of their noses; and verily thou shouldst moderate thyself, even sure and slow; they stumble who walk fast. But we shall bring you unto the Lady Fragran- tia, and have her opinion of the matter.” He then took from his pocket a cap of dignity, such as de- scribed in the most honorable and antique heraldry, and placing it upon my head, addressed me thus: ‘* As thou seemest again to revive the spirit of an- cient adventure, permit me to place upon thy head this favor, as a mark of the esteem in which I hold thy valorous disposition.” the whole company were moving out of the room. He found himself almost alone, deserted by every one. ‘ What!” said he, ‘Sand did he turn upon his heel with the most marked contempt? Would he not speak to me? Would he not even hear me utter His heart died within him “ My friends! Do they not know me? Do they not see me? Alas! they fear to catch the contagion of my— Then,”’ said he, ‘‘adieu!—’tis more than I can bear —TI shall go to my country seat, and never, never will return.—Adieu, fond court, adieu!’’ The venerable Marquis de Bellecourt stopped for a moment ere he entered. his carriage. hrice he looked back, and thrice he wiped the starting tear from his eye—‘‘ Yes,’’ said he, ‘‘for once at least, | Truth shall be found—in the bottom of a well!” | anda he Lady Fragrantia, my dear friends, was one of | the most divine creatures in all Great Britain, and was desperately in love with me. She was drawing my portrait upon a piece of white satin, when the most noble Hilaro Frosticos advanced. He pointed to the cap of dignity which he had placed upon my head, ‘I do declare, Hilaro,” said the lovely Fra- — “tis pretty, ‘tis interesting; Llove you, and like you, my dear Baron,” said she, putting on an- other plume—‘ this gives it an air more delicate and more fantastical. I do thus, my dear Munchausen, as your friend—yet you can reject or accept my present just as you please; but I like the fancy; ‘tis a good one, and I mean to improve it; and against | Ww. ou go, I shall have the sweet sat- eee r you bear my favor on your ear tad I snatched it with trepidation, and cefull dropping on my’ knees, I three times kissed it with all the rapture of romantic love. ‘‘I swear,” cried I “by thy bright eyes, and by the lovely whiteness o: thine arm, tno savage, tyrant, or enemy, upon the face of the earth shall despoil me of this favor, while one drop of the blood of the Munchausens doth cir- culate inmy veins! Iwill bear it triumphant through the realms of Africa, whither I now intend my course, = make it respected, even in the court of Prester ohn,”’ ‘*T admire your spirit,’’ replied she, ‘‘ and shall use = 3 utmost interest at court to have you dispatched th every pomp, and as soon as possible; but here comes a most brilliant company indeed, Lady Caro- lina Wilhelmina Amelia Skeggs, Lord Spigot, and Lady Faucet, and the Countess of Belleair.” After the ceremonies of introduction to this com- = were over, we proceeded to consult upon the nsinees; and as the cause met with general aj plause, it was immediately determined that I should proceed without delay, as soon as I obtained the sov- ereign fon “*T am convinced,” said Lord Spigot, “that if there be anything ly unknown and worthy of our most ardent curiosity, it must be in the immense regions of Africa; that country which seems to be the oldest on the globe, and yet with the greater part of which we are almost utterly un- acquainted. What prodigious wealth of gold and diamonds must not lie concealed in those torrid re- gions, when the very rivers on the coast pour forth continual imens of golden sand! "Tis my opinion therefore, that the Baron deserves the applause of all Europe for his spirit, and merits the most powerful assistance of the sovereign.” So flattering an anprohedion, you may be sure, was delightful to my heart: and with every confi- dence and joy, I suffered them to take me to court that instant. After the usual ceremonies of intro- duction, suffice it to say, that I met with every honor and applause that my most sanguine expectations could demand. I always a taste for the fashion- able je ne sais quot of the. most elegant society; and in the presence of all the sovereigns of Europe, I ever found myself quite at home, and experienced from the whole court the most flattering esteem and admiration. I remember, one particular day, the fate of the unfortunate Marquis de Bellecourt. The Countess of Rassinda, who accompanied him, looked most divinely. ‘‘ Yes, Iam confident,” said the Mar- quis de Bellecourt to me, ‘‘ that I have acted accord- pi to the strictest Denisen Sie C arice, and of Jo 4 ty to my sovereign. at stronger breastpla than a heart untainted? and though I did not resale a word nor a look, yet I cannot think—no, it were impossible—to be represented. Conscious of my own integrity, I will try he ory will go boldly up.” The Marquis de Bellecourt saw the opportunity 3; he advanced three paces, put his hand on his breast, and bowed. “Permit me,” said he, “with the most rofound respect,‘to—’ His tongue faltered—he ould scarcely bell atever enemies isfaction to remem eve his sight; for at that moment | The chariot was drawn b Peace to thy ghost, most noble marquis—a king of kings shall pity thee; and thousands whoare yet un- born shall owe their happiness to thee, and have cause to bless thee; thousands, — Ss, that shall never even know thy name—but Munchausen’s self shall celebrate thy glory!” CHAPTER XXIII. PREPARATION FOR THE BARON’S EXPEDITION INTO AFRI- CA—DESCRIPTION OF HIS CHARIOT; THE BEAUTIES OF ITS INTERIOR DECORATIONS; THE ANIMALS THAT DREW IT; AND THE MECHANISM OF THE WHEELS. EVERYTHING being concluded, and having received my instructions for the voyage, I was conducted by the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, the Lady Fragrantia, rodigious crowd of nobility, and placed sitting upon the summit of the whale’s bones at that palace; and having remained in this situation for three days and three nights, as a trial ordeal, and a specimen of my perseverance and resolution, the third hour after midnight they seated me in the chariot of Queen Mab. It was of a prodigious dimension, large enough to contain more stowage than the tun of Heidelberg, and globular liko a hazel-nut; in fact it seemed to be really a hazel-nut grown to a most extravagant di- mension, and that a great worm of eg eores enormity had bored a hole in the shell. Through this same entrance I was ushered. It was as large as a coach-door, and I took my seat in the center, a kind of chair self-balanced without touching any- thing, like the fancied tomb of Mahomet. The whole interior surface of the nutshell appeared a luminous representation of all the stars of heaven, the fixed stars, the planets, and a comet. The stars were as large as chose worn by our first nobility! and the | comet, excessively bp pnp wien ae as if you had as- sembled all the eyes of tho beautiful girls in the king- dom, and combined them, like a peacock’s Mee ru into the form of a comet—that is,a globe, and a beard- ed tail to it, diminishing gradually to a point. This beautiful constellation seemed very sportive and de- lightful. It was much in the form of a tadpole! and thout ceasing, went full of playful giddiness up and down all over the heaven on the concave surface of a nutshell. One time it would be at that part of the heavens under my feet, and in the next minute would be over my head. It was never at rest, but forever going east, west, north, or south; and paid no more respect to the different worlds than if they were so many lanterns without reflectors. Some of them he would dash nst and push out of their places; others he would burn up and consume to ashes; an others n he would split into fritters, and their f ents would instantly take a globular form, like Pi ed quicksilver, and become satellites to whatever other worlds they should happen to meet with in their career. In short, the whole seemed an epitome of the creation, past, present, and future—and all that passes among the stars during one thousand years, was here generally performed in as many seconds. I surveyed all the beauties of the chariot with won- der and delight. ‘‘Certainly,” cried I, ‘this is heaven in miniature!” In short, I took the reins in my hand. But before I proceed on my adventures, I shall mention the rest of my attendant furniture. a team of nine bulls har- nessed to it, three after three. In the first rank was & most tremendous bull, named John Mowmowsky; the rest were called Jacks in general, but not digni- fied by any particular denomination. They were all shod for the journey, not indeed like horses, with iron, or as bullocks commonly are, to drag on a cart; but were shod with men’s skulls. Each of their feet was, hoof and all, crammed into a man’s head, cut off for the purpose, and fastened therein with a kind of cement or paste, so that the skull seemed to be a part of the foot and hoof of the animal. With these skull-shoes the creatures could perform astonishing journeys, and slide upon the water, or upon the ocean, with great velocity. The harnesses were fas- tened with golden buckles, and decked with studs in a superb style; and the creatures were ridden by nine postillions, crickets of a great sizé, as la as monkeys, who sat squat upon the heads of the bulls, and were continually chirping at a most infernal rate, loud in ob rtion to their bodies. The wheels of the chariot consisted of upward of ten thousand springs, formed so as to give the greater impetuosity to the vehicle, and were more complex than a dozen clocks like that of Strasburgh. The ex- ternal of the chariot was adorned with banners, and a superb festoon of the laurel that formerly shaded me on horseback. And now, having given youa very concise description of my machine for traveling into Africa, which you must allow to be far superior to the aratus of Monsieur Vaillant, I proceed to re ate the exploits of my voyage. CHAPTER XXIV. THE BARON PROCEEDS ON HIS VOYAGE—CONVEYS A SQUADRON TO GIBRALTAR—DECLINES THE ACCEPT- ANCE OF THE ISLAND OF CANDIA—HIS CHARIOT DAM- AGED BY POMPEY’S PILLAR AND CLEOPATRA’S NEEDLE —THE BARON OUTDOES ALEXANDER—PREAKS HIS CHARIOT, AND SPLITS A GREAT ROCK AT THE CAPE OF GOOD HOPE. | Taxkine the reins in my hand, while the music gave a general salute, I cracked my whip—away they went—and in three hours I found myself just be- tween the Isle of Wight and the main land of Eng- land! Here I remained four days, until I had re- ceived part of my accompaniment, which I was ordered to take under my convoy. *Twasasquadron of men-of-war that had been a long time prepared for the Baltic, but which were now destined for the Mediterranean. _ By the assistance of large hooks and eyes, exactly such as are worn in our hats, but of a greater size, some hundred weight each, the men-of-war hooked themselves on to the wheels of the vehicle; and, in fact, nothing could be more sim- ple or convenient; because they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant with the utmost facility. In short, having given a general discharge of their ar- tillery, and three cheers, I cracked my whip; away we went, helter skelter, and in six jiffies I found my- self and all my retinue safe and in good spirits, just at the rock of Gibraltar. Here i unhooked my squadron, and having taken an affectionate leave of the officers, I suffered them to proceed in their ordi- nary manner to the place of their destination. The whole garrison were ighly delighted with the nov- elty of my vehicle; and at the pressing solicitations of the governor and officers, I went ashore, and took a view of that barren old rock, about which more powder has been fired away than would purchase twice as much fertile ground in any part of the world! Mounting my chariot, I took the reins, and again made forward, in mad career, down the Medi- terranean, to the isle of Candia. Here I received dispatches from the Sublime Porte, entreating me to assist in the war against Russia, with a reward of the whole island of Candia for my alliance. At first I hesitated, thinking that the island of Candia would be a most valuable acquisition to the sovereign who at that time employed me, and that the most deli- cious wines, sugar, etc., in abundance would flourish on the island; yet, when I considered the trade of the East India Company, which would most probably suffer by the intercourse with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at once rejected the proposal, and had afterward the thanks of the Honorable the House of Commons for my propriety and political discernment, Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I again roceeded, and in a short time arrived in the land of ipy nt. The land of this country, at least that part of it near the sea, is very low, so that I came upon it ere Lwas aware; and the Pillar of Pompey got en- tangled in the various wheels of the machine, and damaged the whole considerably. Still I drove on through thick and thin, till passing over that great obelisk, the Needle of Cleopatra, the work got en- tangled again, and jolted at a miserable rate over the mud and swampy ground of all thatcountry; yet my poor bulls trotted on with astonishing labor across the Isthmus of Suez into the Red Sea, and left a track, an obscure channel, which has since been taken by De Tott for the remains of a canal cut b some of the Ptolemies from the Red Sea to the Med- iterranean; but, as you perceive, was in reality no aes than the track of my chariot, the car of Queen ab. As the artists at present in that country are noth- ing wonderful, though the ancient Egyptians, ‘tis d, were most astonishing {!lows, I could not pro- cure any new coach-springs, 01 have a possibility of setting my machine to rights in the kingdom of pt; and asI could not presume to attempt an- other journey overland, and the great mountains of marble re the source of the Nile, I thought it most eligible to make the best way I could, by sea, to the Cape of Good Hope, where I suppose I should get somo Dutch smiths and Nea! ots oy perha some Fnglish artists; and my vehicle being properly repaircd, it was my intention thence to proceed over- land, through the heart of Africa. The surface of the water, I well Inew, afforded less resistance to the wheels of the machine—it passed along the waves like the chariot of Neptune; aud in short, having got- ten upon the Red Sea, we scudded away to admira- tion, through the pass of Babelmandel to .the great Western coast of Africa, where Alexander had not the courage to venture. : And really, my friends, if Alexander had vyen- tured toward the Cape of Good Hope, he most. pro- bably would have never returned. It is difficult to determine whether there were then any inhabitants in the more southern parts of Africa or not; yet, at any rate, this conqueror of the world would have made but a nonsensical adventure; his miserable ships, not contrived for a long voyage, would have become leaky, and foundered, before he could have doubled the Cape, and left his majesty fairly beyond the limits of the then known world. Yet it would have been an august exit for an Alexander, after having subdued Persia and India, to go wandering the Lord knows where—to Jupiter Ammon, perhaps; or on a voyage to the moon, as an Indian chief once said to Captain Cook, But, for my part, I was far more successful than Alexander—I drove on with the most A the Beeld. ity; and thinking to halt on shore at the Cape, I unfortunately drove too close, and shattered the right side wheel of my vehicle against the rock, now led the Table Mountain. The machine went against it with such imponosity as completely shiv- ered the rock in a horizontal direction; so that the summit of the mountain, in the form of a semi-
Page 11
Baron Munchausen. sphere, was knocked into the sea; and the steep mountain becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since received the name of the Table Mountain, from its similarity to that piece of furniture. Just as this part of the mountain was knocked off, the ghost of the Cape, that tremendous sprite, which cuts such a figure in the Lusiad, was discovered sit- ting squat, in an excavation formed for him in the center of the mountain, Heseemed just likea young bee in his little cell before he comes forth, or like a bean in a bean-pod; and when the upper part of the mountain was split across and knocked off, the superior half of his person was discovered. He ap- peared of a bottle-blue color, and started, dazzled with the unexpected glare of the light; hearing the dreadful rattle of the wheels, and the loud chirping of the crickets, he was thunderstruck; and instantly giving a shriek, sunk down ten thousand fathoms in the earth; while the mountain, vomiting out some a silently closed up, and left not a trace be- ind! CHAPTER XXvV. THE BARON SECURES HIS CHARIOT, ETC., AT THE CAPE, AND TAKES HIS PASSAGE FOR ENGLAND IN A HOME- WARD BOUND INDIAMAN—WRECKED UPON AN ISLAND OF ICE, NEAR THE COAST OF GUINEA—ESCAPES FROM THE WRECK, AND REARS A VARIETY OF VEGETABLES UPON THE ISLAND—MEETS SOME VESSELS BELONG- ING TO THE NEGROES, BRINGING WHITE SLAVES FROM EUROPE, IN RETALIATION, TO WORK UPON THEIR PLANTATIONS IN A COLD CLIMATE NEAR THE SOUTH POLE—ARRIVES IN ENGLAND, AND LAYS AN ACCOUNT OF HIS EXPEDITION BEFORE THE PRIVY COUNCIL—GREAT PREPARATIONS FOR A NEW EXPE- DITION—THE SPHINX,GOG AND MAGOG, AND A GREAT COMPANY ATTEND HIM—THE IDEAS OF HILARO FROS- TICOS RESPECTING THE INTERIOR PARTS OF AFRICA. I PERCEIVED with grief and consternation the mis- carriage of all my apparatus; yet I was not abso- lutely dejected: a great mind is never known but in adversity. With permission of the Dutch governor, the chariot was properly laid up in a great store- house, erected at the water’s e, and the bulls re- ceived ne refreshment ible after so terrible a voyage. ell, you may sure they deserved it; and therefore every attendance was engaged for them, until I should return. As it was not possible to do anything more, I took my passage in a homeward-bound Indiaman, to re- turn to London, and lay the matter before the Privy Council. We met with nothing particular until we arrived —_ the coast of Guinea, where, to our utter aston- ishment, we perceived a great hill, seemingly of glass, advancing against us in the open sea; the rays of the sun were reflected upon it with such splendor, that it was extremely difficult to gaze at the phenom- enon. I immediately knew it to be an island of ice. and, though in so very warm a latitude, determin to make all possible sail from such horrible danger. We did so, but all in vain; for about eleven o’clock at night, blowing a very hard gale, and exceedingly dark, we struck upon the island. Nothing could ual the distraction, the shrieks and despair of the whole crew; until I, knowing there was not a mo- ment to be lost, cheered up their spirits, and bade them not despond, but do as I should request them. In a few minutes the vessel was half full of water; and the enormous castle of ice that seemed to hem us in on every side, in some places falling in hideous fragments upon the deck, killed the one-half of the crew; upon which, getting upon the summit of the mast, l contrived to make it fast to a great pro- montory of the ice, and calling to the remainder of the crew to follow me, we escaped from the wreck, and got upon the summit of the island. The rising sun soon gave us a dreadful pr of our situation, and the loss, or rather icefication, of the vessel; for being closed in on every side with castles of ice during the night, she was absolutely frozen over and buried, in such a manner that we could behold her under our feet, even in the central solidity of the island. Having debated what was best to be done, we immed ly cut down through the ice, and got up some of the cables of the vessel and the boats, which making fast to the island, we towed it with all our might, determined to bring home island and all, or perish in the attempt. On the summit of the island we placed what oakum and dregs of every kind of matter we could get from the vessel; which, in the space of a very few hours, on account of the liquefying of the ice and the warmth of the sun, were transformed into a very fine man- ure; and as I had some seeds of exotic vegetables in my pocket, we shortly had a sufficiency of fruits and roots growing upon the island to supply the whole crew—especially the bread-fruit tree, a few plants of which had been in the vessel; and another tree, which bore plum-puddings, so very hot, and with such aes roportion of sugar, fruit, etc., that we all acknowledged it was not possible to taste anything of the kind more delicious in England; in short, though the scurvy had made such dreadful progress among the crew before our striking upon the ice the supply of vegetables, and especially the bread-fruit and pudding-fruit, put an almost imme- diate stop to the Le We not proceeded thus many weeks, advanc- ing with incredible fatigue by continual’ towing, when we fell in with a fleet of N men, as they call them, These wretches, I must inform you, my dear friends, had found means to make Prizes of those vessels from some Europeans upon the coast of Guinea; and tasting the sweets of our luxury, had formed colonies in several new discovered islands near the South Pole, where they had @ variety of plantations of such matters as would only grow in the coldest climates. As the black inhabitants of Guinea were unsuited to the climate and excessive a ——— EEEEEEEEEEE cold of the country, they formed the diabolical pro- — of getting Christian slaves to work for them. ‘or this purpose, they sent vessels every year to the coast of Scotland, the northern parts of Ireland and Wales, and were even sometimes seen off the coast of Cornwall; and having temaetreteg or entrapped by fraud or violence, a great number of men, women. and children, they proceeded with their cargoes of human flesh to the other end of the world, and sold them to their planters, where they were flogged into | obedience, at's made to work like horses all the rest of their lives. . My blood ran cold at the idea, while every one on | the island also expressed his horror that such an iniquitous traffic should be suffered to exist. But, except by open violence, it was found impossible to | destroy the trade, on account of a barbarous preju- dice, entertained of late by the negroes, that the white people have no souls! However, we were de- | termined to attack them, and steering down our island upon them, soon overwhelmed them; we saved as many of the white es as possible, but | pushed all the biacks into the water again. The | r creatures we saved from slavery were so over- | sored, that they wept aloud through gratitude; and | we experienced every delightful sensation, to think what happiness we should shower upon their = rents, their brothers, and sisters, and children, by bringing them home safe, redeemed from slavery, to | the bosom of their native are Having happily arrived in England, I immediately | laid a statement of my voyage, ete., before the | Privy Council; and entreated immediate assistance to travel into Africa, and, if possible, refit my former machine, and take it along with the rest. Every- | thing was instantly granted to my satisfaction, and | I received orders to get myself ready for departure | as soon as possible. As the Emperor of China had sent a most curious | animal as a present to Europe, which was kept in | the Tower; and it being of an enormous stature, and | capable of performing the voyage with ecla/, she was ordered to attend me. She was called Sphinx, and | was one of the most tremendous though magnificent figures I ever beheld. She was harnessed with su- perb trappings to a large flat-bottomed boat, in which was placed an edifice of wood, exactly resem- bling Westminster Hall. Two balloons were placed over it, tackled by a number of ropes to the boat, to keep up @ proper equilibrium, and prevent it from overturning, or filling, from the prodigious weight of | the fabric. | | The interior of the edifice was decorated with seats, in the form of an amphitheater, and crammed | as full as it could hold with ladies and lords, as a council and retinue for your humble servant. ly in the center was a seat el myself, and on either side of me was, placed the famous Gog and Magog in all their pomp. The Lord Viscount Gosamer being our postillion, we floated gallantly down the river, the noble Sphinx citar d like the huge Leviathan, and towing after | 1er the boat and balloons. Thus we advanced, sailing gently, into the open sea; calm weather, we could scarcely feel the motion of the vehicle, and passed our time in grand debate _— the glorious intention of our voyage, | and the discoveries that would result. “T am of opinion,’’ said my noble friend Hilaro Frosticos, “ that Africa was originally inhabited for the greater part, or, I may Bay, subjugated by lions; which, next to man, seem to be the most dreaded o: all mortal tyrants. The country in general, at least, Near- antly decorated for what we have been hitherto able to discover, seems | rather inimical to human life; the intolerable dry- ness of the whole armies and cities in general ruin, and the hideous life many roving hordes are oe to lead, incline me to think, that if ever we form any great settlements therein, it will become the grave of our countrymen. Yet it is nearer to us than the East Indies; and I cannot but imagine, that in many places every production of China, and of the East and West Indies, would flourish, if properly attended to. And as the country is so p’ ously extensive and unknown, what a source of discovery must not it contain! In fact, we know less about the interior of Africa than we do of the moon; for, in this latter, we measure the very prominences, and observe the varieties and inequalities of the surface through our glasses, Forests and mountains on her spotted orb. But we see nothing in the interior of Africa, but what some compilers of maps or geographies are | fanciful enough to imagine. What a happy event. therefore, should we not expect from a voyage of discovery and colonization, undertaken in so m i- | ficent a style as the presen¢!—what a pride—what | an acquisition to philosophy!” CHAPTER XXVI. COUNT GOSAMER THROWN BY SPHINX INTO THE SNOW ON THE TOP OF TENERIFFE—GOG AND MAGOG CONDUCT SPHINX FOR THE REST OF THE VOYAGE—THE BARON | ARRIVES AT THE CAPE, AND UNITES HIS FORMER CHAR- | I0T, ETC., TO HIS NEW RETINUE—PASSES INTO AFRICA, | PROCEEDING FROM THE CAPE NORTHWARD—DEFEATS A HOST OF LIONS BY A CURIOUS STRATAGEM—TRAVELS THROUGH AN IMMENSE DESERT—HIS WHOLE COMPANY, CHARIOT, ETC., OVERWHELMED BY A WHIRLWIND OF SAND—EXTRICATES THEM, AND ARRIVES IN A FERTILE COUNTRY. Tue brave Count Gosamer, with a pair of hell-fire spurs on, eg upon Sphinx, directed the whole retinue toward the Madeiras. But the cour. had no small share of an amiable vanity; and pe ceivin great multitudes of people, Gascons, etc., ass »mbled | Sane the French coast, he could not refrain from | owing some — capers, such as they had never seen before: lace, the burning sands that overwhelm | | and ill-tempered was Sphinx at the time: nS i | all the members of the National Assembly extend themselves along the shore, as a piece of French po- liteness, to honor this expedition, with Rousseau, Voltaire, and Beelzebub at their head, he set spurs to Sphinx, and, at the same time, cut and cracked away as h as he could, holding in the reins with all his might, striving to make the creature plunge and show some uncommon diversion. But —_ she —— indeed—such a devil of a plunge !—that she ashed him, in one jerk over her head, and he fell into the water before her. It was in the Bay of Biscay, all the world knows a very bois- terous sea; and Sphinx, fearing he would be drowned, never turned to the left or to the right out of her way, but advancing furious, just stooped her head a little, and supped the poor count off the ke myety | water into her mouth, together with the quantity of two or three tons of water, which she must have taken in along with him, but which were to such an | enormous creature as Sphinx, nothing more than a spoonful would be to any of you or me. She swal- lowed him, but when she had got him in her stom- ach, his long spurs so scratched and tickled her, that they produced the effect of an emetic. No sooner was he in, but out he was squirted with the most horrible impetuosity, like a ball or shell from the caliber of a mortar. Sphinx was at this time uite sea-sick; and the unfortunate count was driven orth like a sky-rocket and landed upon the peak of Teneriffe, plunged over head and ears in the snow— ee in pace! perceived all this mischief from my seat in the ark, but was in such a convulsion of rage ob that I could not utter an intelligible word. d now Sphinx, deprived of her se aye went ou in a zig- zag direction, and gamboled away after a most dreadful manner. And thus had everything gone to wreck, had I not given instant orders to Gog and Magog to sally forth. They plunged into the water, and swimming on each side, got at length right be- fore the animal, and then seized the reins. Thus they continued swimming on each side, like Tritons, holding the muzzle of Sphinx; while I, saliying forth astride upon the creature’s back, steered forward on our voyage to the Cape of Good —_ Arriving at the Cape, 1 immediately gave orders to repair my former chariot and machines, which was very expeditiously performed by the excellent artists I had pre with me from Europe. And now, everything being refitted, we launched forth upon the water: perhaps there never was anything seen more glorious or more august. “Twas magnificent to behold Sphinx make her obeisance on the water. and the crickets chirp upon.the bulls in return o the salute; while Gog and Magog advancing, took the reins of the great John Mowmowsky, and lead- ing toward us chariot and all, instantly disposed of them to the forepart of the ark by hooks and eyes, and tackled Sphinx before all the bulls. Thus the whole had a most tremendous and triumphal ap- arance. In front floated forward the mighty phinx with Gog and Magog on each side; next fol- lowe” in order the bulls with crickets upon their heads; and then advanced the chariot of Queen Mab, containing the curious seat and orrery of heaven; after which appeared the boat and ark of council overtopped with two balloons, which gave an air of at lightness and elegance to the whole. I placed n the —— under the balloons, and on the backs of the bulls, a number of excellent vocal performers, | with martial music of clarionets and trumpets; they sung the Watery Dangers, and the Pomp of Deep Cerulean! The sun shone glorious on the water, while the procession advanced toward the land, under five hundred arches of ice, illuminated with colored lights, and adorned in the most grotesque and fanciful style with sea-weed, elegant festoons, and shells of every kind; while a thousand water- spouts danced eternally before and after us, attract- ing the water from the sea in a kind of cone, and suddenly uniting with the most fantastical thunder and lightning. Having landed our whole retinue, we immediately began to pruceed toward the heart of Africa; but first thought it e ent to place a number of wheels under the ark for its greater facility of ad- vancing. We journeyed nearly due north for sev- eral days, and met with nothing remarkable exce the astonishment of the savage natives to behold our equipage. The Dutch Government at the Cape, to do them justice, gave us every possible assistance for the ex- pedition. I presume they had received instructions on that head from their High Mightinesses in Hol- | land. However, they presented us with a specimen of some of the most excellent of their Cape wine, and showed us every politeness in their power. As to the face of the country, as we advanced, it ap- peared in many places capable of every cultivation and of abundant fertility. The natives and Hotten- tots of this part of Africa have been frequently de- scribed by travelers, and therefore it is not neces- sary to say any more about them. But in the more interior parts of Africa the appearance, manners, and genius of the people are totally different. We direc our course by the compass and the stars, getting every day prodigious quantities of game in the woods, and at night encamping within a proper inclosure for fear of the wild ts. One whole day, in particular, we heard on every side, among the hills, the horrible roaring of lions, re- sounding from rock to rock like broken thunder. It seemed as if there was a general rendezvous of all these savage animals to fall upon our party. That whole day we advanced with caution, our hunters scarcely vent beyond pistol shot from the eara- van, for fear of tion. At night we encamped as usual, and threw up a circular intrenchment ut especially when he observed | round our tents. We had scarce retired to repose
Page 12
ST Beadle’s Half-Dime when we found ourselves serenaded by at least one thousand lions, approaching equally on every side, and within a hundred paces. Our cattle showed the most horrible symptoms. of fear, all trembling, and in cold perspiration. I directly ordered the whole company to stand to their arms, and not to make any noise by firing till I should command them, I then took a large uantity of tar, which [had brought with our caravan for that purpose, and strewed it in a continued stream round the encampment; within which circle of tar I roa vass 9p | placed another train or circle of gunpowder; and raving taken this recaution, I anxiously waited the lions’ approach. hese dreadful animals, knowing, I presume, the force of our troop, advanced very slowly, and with caution; approaching on every side of us with an equal pace, and growling in hideous concert, so as to resemble an earthquake, or some similar convulsion of the world. When they had at length advanced and steeped all their paws in the tar, they put their noses to it, smelling it as if it were blood, and daub- ed their great. bushy hair and whiskers with it equal to their paws. At that very instant, when, in con- cert, they were to give the mortal dart upon us, I discharged a os at the train of gunpowsess which instantly exploding on every side, made all the lions recoilin general uproar, and take to flight with the utmost precipitation. Tnan instant, we could behold them scattered through the woods at some distance, roaring in agony, and moving about like so many Will-o’-the-Wisps, their paws and faces all on fire from the tar and the gunpowder. I then ordered a eneral pursuit:.we followed them on every side through ghe woods, their own light serving as our guide, until, before therising of the sun, we followed into their fastnesses and shot. or otherwise destroyed every one of them:. and during the whole of our journey after, we never heard the roaring of a lion; nor did any wild beast presume to make another at- tack upon our party, which shows the excellence of immediate presence of mind, and the terror inspired upon the most savage enemies by a proper and well- timed proceeding. ‘ We at length arrived on the confines of an im- measurable desert—an immense plain, extending on every side of us likeanocean, Not a tree, nor a shrub, nor a blade of grass was to be seen, but all fine sand, mixed with gold- aeerand litle sparkling Pestle an pearls, The gold-dust and rls appeared to us of little value, ause We d have no expectation of re- turning to England for a. considerable time, We ob- served, at a great distance, something like a smoke a just over.the verge of the horizon; and look- i our telescopes, we perceived it to be a whirl- wae up the sand and tossing it about in the heavens wit: ightful impetuosity. I immediately ordered my company to erect a mound around us of a great size, which we did with astonishing labor and perseverance; and then roofed it over with certain planks and timber, which we had with us for the 1) ; bor was searcely finished, when the pee came rolling in like the waves of the sea; ’twas astorm and river of sand united. It continued to advance in the same direction, without intermission for three days, and completely covered over the mound we had erected, and buried us all within. The intense heat of the place was intolerable; but guessing, by the cessation of the noise, that the storm was , we set about digging a passage to the light of day again, which we effected in a ve short time; and ascending, perceived that the whole had been so completely covered with the sand, that there appeared no hills, but one continued plain, with inequalities or reer on it like the waves of the sea, We soon ext our vehicle and retinue from the burning sands, but not without great dan- ger, as the heat was very violent, and began to pro- ceed on our voyage. rms of sand of a similar nature several times attacked us, but by using the same precautions we preserved ourselves repee edly sce actnesion. gs g sravaled more: than nine thousan es over this able p y aon’ to the pe rays of a Seiten sun, without ever m a rivulet , or a shower from heaven tc refresh us, we at length became almost desperate; when, to our inexpressible joy, we beheld some mountains at a great distance; and on our nearer approach, observed them covered with a cone of verdure, and groves and woods. Nothing could ap- pear more romantic or beautiful than the rocks and precipices intermingled with flowers and shrubs of every kind, and palm-trees of such a s paogtous size as to s ANY Meng over geet i urope. Fruits of all kinds appea growing wild in the utmost abundance, and antelopes, and sheep, and buffaloes, wandered about the groves and valleys in profusion. The trees resounded with the melody of. birds, and cyerreuas displayed a general scene of rural hap- piness and joy. CHAPTER XXVI. A FEAST ON LIVE BULLS AND KAVA—THE INHABITANTS ADMIRE THE EUROPEAN ADVENTURERS—THE EMPEROR COMES TO MEET THE BARON, AND PAYS HIM GREAT COMPLIMENTS—THE INHABITANTS OF THE CENTER OF AFRICA DESCENDED FROM THE PEOPLE OF THE MOON, PROVED BY AN INSCRIPTION IN AFRICA, AND BY THE ANALOGY OF THEIR LANGUAGE; WHICH IS ALSO THE SAME WITH THAT OF THE ANCIENT SCYTHLANS—THE BARON IS DECLARED SOVEREIGN OF THE INTERIOR OF AFRICA ON THE DECEASE OF THE EMPEROR—HE EN- DEAVORS TO ABOLISH THE CUSTOM OF EATING LIVE BULLS, WHICH BXCITES MUCH DISCONTENT—THE AD- VICE OF HILARO FROSTICOS UPON THE OCCASION—THE BARON MAKES A SPEECH TO THE ASSEMBLY OF THE STATES; WHICH ONLY EXCITES GREAT MURMURS—HE CONSULTS WITH HILARO FROSTICOS, ; HAVING < Over the nearest mountains, we en- tered a delightful vale, where we perceived a multi- tude of persons at a feast of living bulls, whose flesh they cut away with great knives, making a table of the creature’s carcase; serenaded by the bellowing of the unfortunate animal. Nothing seemed requi- site to add to the barbarity of this feast but kava, made as described in Cook’s voyages; and at the conclusion of the feast we perceived them brewin, Library. { this liquor, which they drank with the utmost avid- | ity. From that moment, inspired with an idea of | universal benevolence, I determined to abolish the custom of eating live flesh and drinking of kava. But I knew that such a thing could not be immediately | effected, whatever in future time might be per- | formed. Having rested ourselves during a few days, we de- | termin empire. The singularity of our appearance was spoken of all over the country as a phenomenon. e multitude looked upon Sphinx, the bulls, the crickets, the balloons, and the whole company as something more than terrestrial; but especially the thunder of our firearms, which struck horror and amazement into the whole nation, We at length arrived at the metropolis, situated on the banks of a noble river; and the emperor, attend- ed by all his court, came out in grand procession to meet us, The emperor appeared mounted on a dromedary, royally caparisoned, with all his attend- ants on foot, through reapers for his majesty. He was rather above the middle stature of that country, four feet three inches in hight, with a countenance like all his countrymen, as white as snow! He was preceded by a band of most exquisite music, accord- ing to the fashion of the country, and his whole retinue halted within about fifty of our troop. We returned the salute by a discharge of musketry, and a flourish of our trumpets and martial music, I commanded our caravan to halt, and dismounting, advanced uncovered, with only two attendants, to- ward his majesty. The emperor was equally polite, and descending from his romedary, advanced to meet me. ‘‘I am happy,” said he, ‘‘to have the honor to receive so illustrious a traveler, and assure rou bei everything in my empire shall be at your ) , Ithanked his majesty for his politeness, and ex- peaasen how happy I was to meet so polished and re- ned.a people in the eenter of Africa; and that I hoped to show myself and company grateful for his esteem, by introdue the arts and sciences of Eurore among the people. I immediately perceived the true descent of this people, which does not appear of terrestrial origin, ut descended from some of the inhabitants of the moon; because the principal language ken there, and in the center of Africa, is very nearly the same. Their alphabet and method of writing are pretty much the same, and show the extreme antiquity of this people, and their exalted origin, I have sub- mitted a specimen of their characters to the inspec- tion of a celebrated antiquarian; and it will be proved to the satisfaction of every one, in his next volume, what an immediate intercourse there must have been between the inhabitants of the moon and the ancient Scythians; which Scythians did not, by any means, inhabit a part of Russia, but the central part of Africa, as I can abundantly prove to id very learned and laborious friend. The words of the spe- cimen referred to, written in our characters, are Sregnah dna skoohtop; that is, the Scythians are of heavenly origin. The word sregnah, which signifies Scythians, is compounded of sreg, or sre, whence our present English word sire, or sir; and nah, or gnah, <nowledge; because the Scythians united the essen- tials of nobility and learning together, dna signifies heaven, or be: onging to the moon, from dung, who was anciently worshiped as goddess of that lumi- nary; and skoohtop signifies the origin or inning of anything, from skoo, the name used in the moon for a point in geometry; and top, or hlop, vegetation. These words are inscribed at this day upon a pyra- mid in the center of Africa, nearly at the source of the river Niger; and if any one refuses his assent, he mer. go there to be convinced, e emperor conducted me to his court amidst the admiration of his courtiers, and paid us arary pom: sible politeness that African magnificence could be- stow. He never presumed to proceed on any expe- dition without consulting us; and looking open us as a species of superior beings, paid the grea’ re- — to our opinions. He frequently asked me about the states of Euro the Kingdom of Great Britain, and appeated iat in admiration at the aecount I gave him of our eek re Baye the im- mensity of the ocean. We taught to late the government nearly on the e plan with the British constitution, and to institute a and degrees of nobility. His majesty was the last of his royal Jine; and on his decease, with the unani- mous consent of the ple, made me heir to the whole empire. The nobility and chiefs of the country immediately waited upon me with petitions, entreat- ing me to accept the government. I consulted with my noble friends Gog and Magog, m4 and after | much consultation, it was agreed that I should ac- cept the government, not as actual and independent monarch of the place, but as viceroy to his majesty Wee ht it high a now thought it high time to do away the custom of eating live flesh and drinking of ieee. and for that purpose used every persuasive method to wean the ma‘ority of the people from it. This, to my astonis ment, was not taken in good part by the nation and they looked with jealousy at those wrate rs, who wanted to make innovations among them. ent | to set out toward the principal city of the | | of Hilaro, capable of desiring. I first tried every method of persuasion and incitement. I did not harshly re- prove them; but I invited frequently whole thou- sands to dine after the fashion of Europe, upon roasted meat. Alas! ‘twas all in vain! my goodness nearly excited a sedition. They murmured amon themselves, spoke of my intentions, my wild an ambitious views, as if I—oh, heaven!—could have had any personal interested motive in making them live like men, rather than crocodiles and tigers. In fine, perceiving that gentleness could be of no avail— well Enowing that when complaisance can effect nothing from some spirits, compulsion excites re- pigs and veneration—I prohibited under the pain of the severest penalties the drinking of kava, or eating of live flesh, forthe space of nine days, with- in the districts of Angalinar and Paphagalana. But this created such a universal abhorrence and detestation of my government, that my ministers, and even myself were universally pasquinadoed; lampoons, satires, ridicule, and insult, were shower- ed upon the namé of Munchausen wherever it was mentioned; and, in fine, there never was a govern- ment so much detested, or with such little reason, In this dilemma I had recourse to the advice of my noble friend Hilaro Frosticos. In his good sense now expected some resource; for the rest of the council, who had advised me to the former method had given but a Pox spocinem of their abilities and discernment, or I should have succeeded more hap- pily. In short, he addressed himself to me and the council, as follows; “Tt is in vain, most noble Munchausen, that Excellency endeavors to compel or force these people to a life to which the ve never been ae- customed. In vain do you tell them that apple pies, purdings roast beef, minced pies, or tarts, are de- cious, that sugar is sweet, that wine is ex ite. Alas! they comnes, they will not compreh what deliciousness is, what sweetness, or what the flavor of the a And even if they were convinced of the superior excellence of your way of life, never, never would they be persuaded; and that, if for no other reason, but because force or persuasion is em- ployed to induce them to it. Abandon that idea for he ‘present, and let us try another method. My onsen therefore, is, that we should at once cease all endeavors to compel or persuade them. But let us, if possible, procure a quantity of fudge from gs pute caselens scat “4 it aLOnee the coun- : and from this disposal of matters me, wh Ihave a moral certainty, that we shall reclaim this people from horror and barbarity.” been proposed at any other time, it would have been violently opposed in the council; but now, when every other attempt had failed, when there seemed no other resource, the majority willingly submitted to they knew not what; for Seas secinae ly had no idea of the manner, the possibility of suc- cess, or how they could bring mattersto bear. How- ever, ‘twas a scheme; and as such they submitted. For my ros, I listened with ecst. to the words of Hilaro Frosticos; for I knew that he had a most oe knowledge of human kind, and could humor and persuade them on to their own merapnees and pra ee go Therefore, according to the advice dispatched a balloon with four men over the desert to the Cape of Good Hope, with letters to be forwarded to England, requiring, without delay, a few cargoes of fudge. The people had all this time remained in a general state of ferment and murmur. Everything that rancor, low wit, and deplorable ignorance could conceive to asperse my government, was put in exe- cution. The most worthy, even the most beneficent actions, everything that was amiable, were perverted into opposttl n The heart of Munchausen was not made of such impenetrable stuff as to be insensible to the hatred of even the most worthless wretch in the whole king- dom; and gnce, at a a assembly of the states. filled with an idea of such continued ingratitude, I spoke as pathetic as possible, not methought beneath my dignity, to make them feel for me; that the uni- versal good and papetiess of the people were all I wished or desired—that if my actions had been mis- taken, or improper surmises formed, still I had no wish, no desire, but the public welfare, ete., ete. Hilaro Frosticos was all this time much disturbed; he looked sternly at me—he frowned; but I was so engrossed with the warmth of re ape my inten- tions, that I understood him not: in a minute I saw nothing but as if through a cloud (such is the force of amiable sensibility)—lords, — chiefs, the whole assembly, seemed to swim ore my sight. The more I thought on my good intentions, the lam- poons which so much affected my delicacy, good- nature, tenderness—I forgot myself—I spoke rapid, violent—beneficence—fire—tenderness—.A las! I melt- ed into tears! : : “ Pish! pish!”’ said Hilaro Frosticos! Now, indeed, was my government lampooned, sa- tirized, our carribonadoed, bepickled, and bedeviled. One day, with my arm full of lampoons, I started up as Hilaro entered the room—the tears in my eyes. ** Look, look here, Hilaro!—how can I bear all this? It is impossible to please them; I will leave the gov- ernment—I cannot bear it! See what pitiful anec- dotes—what surmises—I will make my people feel for me—I will leave the government!” “Pshaw!"’ says Hilaro. At that single monosyl- lable, I found myself changed as if by magic; for I ever looked on Hilaro as a person so experienced, such fortitude, such good sense. ‘‘ There are three sail under the convoy of a frigate,’’ added Hilaro, “just arrived at the Cape, after a fortunate passage, Nevertheless, I felt much concern to think that my | laden with the fudge that we demanded. No time is fellow-creatures could be capable of such barbarity. I did everything that a heart fraught with universal to be lost; let it be immediately conducted hither. and distributed through the principal granaries of benevolence and good-will to all mankind could be | the empire.”
Page 13
18 CHAPTER XXVIII. A PROCLAMATION BY THE BARON—EXCESSIVE CURIOSITY OF THE PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT FUDGE WAS—THE PEOPLE IN A GENERAL FERMENT ABOUT IT—THEY BREAK OPEN ALL THE GRANARIES IN THE EMPIRE— THE AFFECTIONS OF THE PEOPLE ‘CONCILIATED—AN ODE PERFORMED IN HONOR OF THE BARON—HIS DIS- COURSE WITH FRAGRANTIA ON THE EXCELLENCE OF THE MUSIC. Somx time after, I ordered the following proclama- tion to be published. in the Court Gazette, and in all the other papers of the empire: By the most mighty and puissant lord, his Excel- lency the Lorp BARON MUNCHAUSEN, WHEREAS a quantity of fudge has. been distributed through all the es of the empire for particu- lar uses; and as the natives have ever their aversion to all manner of European eatables, it is hereby strict i eage aa under pain of the severe nalties, for any of the officers, charged with the ceping of the said fudge, to give, sell, or suffer to be sold, ont ghd or quantity whatever of the said material, until it be agreeable unto our good will and at MuNCHAUSEN, Dated in our castle of Gristariska, this Triskill of the month of Griskish, in the year Moulikasra- navas-kashna-vildash. This proclamation excited the most ardent curiosi- iy sh over the empire. ‘‘Do you know what this is?” said Lad M arousti to Lord Dar- aganl. “Fudge!” said he—‘fudge!—no; what fudge?’ ‘‘T mean,” replied her seen p, “the enor- mous quantity of fudge that has n distributed under Spee in all the strong places in the empire, and which is strictly forbidden to be sold, or given to any of the natives, under the severest pe eg.”” “Lord!” replied he, “ what in the name of wonder can it be?—Forbidden! why it must;—but pray do you, Lady Fashashash, do you know what this fud, 8?—Do you, Lord Trastillauex? Or you, Miss Gristi- y What! nobody know what this fudge can It engrossed for several days the chit-chat of the whole empire. Fudge, fudge, fudge, resounded in all eompanies and in all places, from the rising until the s of the sun; and even at night, when gen- tle sleep refreshed the rest of mortals, the ladies of all that country were dreaming of fudge! ““Upon my honor,” said Kitty, as she was adjust- tag ber modesty-piece before the glass, just after getting out of bed, *‘ there is scarce anything I would not give to know what this fudge can be.” ‘La! my dear,’ replied Miss. Killnariska, ‘I have been dreaming the whole night of nothing but fudge. I thought my lover ‘ki my d, and p' it to his bosom, while I, frowning, endeavored to wrest it from him; that he kneeled at my feet. No, never, never will I look at you, cried I, till you tell me what this fudge can be, or get me some of if, Begone! cried I, with all the of offended beauty, majesty, and a tragic queen. ‘one! never see me more, or bring me delicious fudge. He swore on the honor of a knight, that he would wander o’er the world, encounter every r, perish in the at- tempt, or satisfy the Sngel of soul.” The chiefs and nobility of the nation, when they met together to drink their kava, spoke of not but fudge.—Men, women, and children all, all talk of nothing but fudge. “Twas a fury of curiosity, one neral ferment, a universal fever—nothing but udge could allay it. But in one re they all agreed, that. govern- ment must have had some interested view in giving such positive orders to preserve it, and keep it from the natives of the country. Petitions were address- ed to me from all quarters from every corporation and body of men in the whole empire; The ma- jority of the people instructed their constituents, and the parliament presented a petition, praying that I would be wroeed to take the state of the na- tion under consideration, and give orders to satisfy the people, or the most consequences were to be apprehended. To these requests, at the en- treaty of my council, I made no reply, or at best but unsatisfactory answers. was on the rack; they forgot to ig Say the government, so e were they about the fudge. The great aeNETS of the states could think of nothing else. Tustead of enacting laws for the DM deco of the people, in- stead of consulting what should seem most wise, most excellent, they could think, talk, and harangue of nothing but fudge. In vain did the Speaker call to order e more Detks they got, the more extrava- t and inquisitive they were. pi short, the populace in many places rose in the most outrageous and tumultuous manner, forced open the es in all places in one poe Bare: tri- umphantly distributed the fudge through the whole empire. Whether on account of the longing, the press curi- osity, imagination, or the disposition of the people, I cannot say—but they found it infinitely to their taste; ‘twas an intoxication of joy, satisfaction, and applause. *Kinding how much they liked this fudge, I pro- cured another quantity from England, much greater than the former, and cautiously wed it all over the kingdom. Thus were the affections of the peo- ple regained; and they, from hence, to vene- rate, a jJaud, and admire my government more than Sver, The following Ode was performed at the cas- tle, in the most superb style, and universally ad- Mhired:— ODE. Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog, And trump’ts high chiming anthrophog, Come sing blithe choral all in 9; Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog Pp ip'd Solemn, maior’, wise, like hoary Time, And fam’d alike for virtue, sense, and fun. Then swell the noble strain with song And elegance divine, While desses around shall throng, And all the Muses Nine. And bulls, and ‘crickets, and ee J Magog, And trumpets chiming anthrophog, Shall a choral all in og, Caralog, ilog, fog, and bog! This. piece. of..poetry. was much applauded, ad- mired. om encored in. every public assembly; cele- bra as,an astonishing effort of genius; and the musie, composed. by Minheer Gastrashbark Gkrghh- barwskhk, was thought equal to the sense! Never was there anything so universally admired—the sum- mit. of the most ee wit, the keenest praise, the most excellent music. iY nm my honor, and the faith I owe my love,” said Es music may be talked of in England; but to the very soul of harmony, the world should come to the ormance of. this Ode.” Tay. Frag- rantia was at, that, moment. drumming with her fin- gers on the edge of her fan, lost in a reverie, thinking ae Naty doer Haphinta MAT, tenderly Hektig “No, my dear Gare rly her in m Ninn while she melted into tears; ‘‘ never, never, will I upon any other—!” Oh! ’twas e, to see her like a summer’s morn- ing, all blushing and full of dew! CHAPTER XXIX, THE BARON SETS ALL THE. PEOPLE OF THE EMPIRE. TO WORK TO BUILD A BRIDGE FROM. THEIR COUNTRY. TO GREAT, BRITAIN--HIS. CONTRIVANCE TO RENDER THE | ARCH SECURE—ORDERS, AN INSCRIPTION TO BE EN- GRAVED ON THE BRIDGE—RETURNS WITH.ALL HIS COMPANY, CHARIOT, ETC., TO ENGLAND—SURVEYS THE KINGDOMS, AND NATIONS UNDER HIM FROM THE MID- DLE OF THE BRIDGE, ‘“ AND now, most noble Baron,’ said the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, “now is the time to make this peo- — proceed in any business that we find convenient. ake them at this present ferment of the mind, let them not think, but at once set them to work.” In short, the whole nation went heartily to the busi- ness, to build an edifice such as was never seen in any other country. I took care to supply them with their favorite kava and fudge, and they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon, which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven miles high, or the Chinese w was a mere trifle, in > to this. stu- pendous edifice, which was completed in a very short space of time. It was of an immense hight, far beyond anything that ever had been before erected; and of such gen- tle ascent, that a regiment of eavairy with a-train of | that thou shalt instant cannon could ascerid with perfect ease and facility. It seemed like a rainbow in the heavens, the base of which appeared to rise in. the center of Africa, and the other extremity seemed to stoop into Great Britain. A most noble: bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry that has outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Wonderful must it have been to form so dous an sar as the artists had. certain difficul- ties to labor against, which they could not have in the formation of any other arch in the world; Imean, the attraction of the moon and planets; because the arch was of so great a hight, and in some parts so elongated from the earth, as ina: great measure to nish in its gravitation to the center of our globe; or rather, seemed more easily operated upon by the attraction of the planets; so that the stones of the arch, one would think, at certain times, were read to fall wp to the moon, and at other times to fall | the same retinue that I had before, Spanx, Gog and Magog, etc., and advanced along the e, lined on each side with rows of. orned with festoons of various flowers, and illuminated with colored lights. We advanced at a prea rate along the bridge, which was so very extensive that we could scarce perceive the ascent, but proceeded insensibly until we arrived on the center of the arch. The view from thence was glorious beyond conception: ‘twas divine to look down on the kingdoms, and seas, and islands under us.. Africa seemed in. general of a tawny brownish color, burned bs Pad the sun; Spain seemed more inclining to a ye Ww, On account of some fields of. corn scattered over the kingdom; France. appeared, more inclining to a bright straw color, intermixed with green and England appeared the peatane pgs Baltic Maggs ch evident! ap’ e e c sea, which evidently seemed to haye been introduced between those coun- tries by the sudden. split of. the land; and that originally Sweden was united to the western coast of Denmark; in short, the whole interstice of the Gulf of Finland had no being, until these countries, b mutual consent, separated from. one another, Suc were my philosophical meditations, as I advanced; when I observed @ man in armor with a tremendous spear or lance, and. mounted upon a_steed, adyanc- ing against me, I soon discovered by a telescope that it could be no other than Don ote, and pro- mised myself much amusement in the rencounter. CHAPTER XXX, THE BARON’S RETINUE IS OPPOSED IN A HEROIC STYLE BY DON QUIXOTE, WHO IN HIS TURN IS ATTACKED BY GOG AND MAGOG—LORD WHITTINGTON WITH THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW COMES TO THE ASSISTANCE OF DON QUIXOTE—GOG AND MAGOG ASSAIL HIS LORDSHIP —LORD WHITTINGTON MAKES A SPEECH, AND DELUDES GOG AND MAGOG TO HIS PARTY—-A GENERAL SCENE OF UPROAR AND BATTLE AMONG THE COMPANY} UN- TIL THE BARON, WITH GREAT PRESENCE OF MIND, APPEASES THE TUMULT, “Waar art thou?” exclaimed Don Quixote on his potent steed, “*Who art thou? _Speak—or by the eternal vengeance of mine arm, thy whole machin- ery shall perish at sound of this my trumpet!”.. - Astonished at.so rude a salutation, the great Sphinx stopped short, and bridling up. herself, drew in her head, like a snail when it touches something that it does not like: the bulls set_up a horrid be : the crickets sounded an alarm; Gog and M. advanced before the rest. One of these pow brothers had in his hand. a at pole, to the ex- tremity of which was fastened a cord of about two feet in length, and to the end of the cord was fast- ened a ball of iron, with spikes shooting from it like the rays of a star: with this. ree eon he prepared to encounter; and advancing, thus he spoke: . “ Audacious. wight! that thus, in complete steel arrayed, doth dare to venture cross my way, to stop the great Munchausen, _ Know, then, proud knight, rish “neath my potent Aiea. When. Quixote, Mancha’s knight, responded firm: “Gigantic monster! leader of wi crickets, and chimeras dire! know thou, that here before P gin azure heaven, the cause of truth, of valor, and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try it!” Thus he spoke, and brandishing _his intghty ges would instant pro sublime ormed, ha not some wight placed *neath the of dark Rosinante | furze thorny base; at. which, quadrupedan’ plunged the steed, and instant ch earth the ieee down to the earth. But as the former was more | to be dreaded, I secured stability to the fabric by a very curious contrivance: I ordered the architects to get the heads of some hundred numbskulls and blockheads, and fix them to the interior surface of the arch, at certain intervals, all the whole length; by which means the arch was held together firm, and its inclination to the earth eternally established: because of all the things in the world, the skulls of these kind of animals have a strange facility of tend- ing to the center Of the earth. The building _— completed, I caused an a A tion to be engraved in the most magnificent style upon the summit of the arch; in letters so great and luminous, that all vessels sailing to the or West Indies might read them distinct in the heavens, like the motto of Constantine:— KARDOL BAGARLAN KAI TON FARINGO SARGAL .RA MO PASHROL VATINEAC CAL COLNITOS RO NA FILNAT AGASTRA SA DINGANNAL FANO. uni ‘shall on so long shall the people be happy. Nor can all the bower of the word affect them, un- less the moon, advancing from her usual sphere should so much attract the skulls as to' cause a sud- den elevation; on which, the whole will fall into the most horrible confusion.” An easy intercourse being thus established be- tween Great Britain and the center of Africa, num- bers traveled continually to and from both countries, and at my request mail coaches were ordered to run on the bridge between both empires. After some time, having settled the government perfectly to my satisfaction, I requested permission to resigm as & great cabal had been excited against me in England to Say, ‘As long as this arch and bond of | | and invoked f. roared credo for his life. : At that same moment, ten thousand frogs started from the morions of Gog and Magog, and furiousl assailed the knight on every side. In vain he ro } Dulcinea del Toboso; for frogs wild cro seemed more loud, more sonorous than all his invocations, And thus in battle vile the knight was overcome, and spawn all swarmed upon his glittering helmet. “ Detest miscreants!” ‘roared the knight; “avaunt! Enchanters dire and goblins could alone this arduous task perform, to rout the knight of Mancha—foul defeat, and war, even such as was known before. Then hear, oh del Toboso! sou "er ear my vows, that thus in anguish of m a ‘midst frogs, Gridalbin, Hecaton, Kai, *ralon, and the | Rove! (for such the names and definitions of their bewronged, of all! 5 red d a square of gingerbread b coun and flannel-cakes, and hats of gingerbread, en- in mid-air in glorious exaltation; like some huge storm of mill-stones, or when it rains whole clouds of dogs and cats, 3 The frogs, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot their notes and music, that before had seemed so terrible, and drowned the cries of knight renown; and mute in wonder heard the words of Whittington, pro- nouncing solemn; “Goblins, chimeras dire, or frogs, or whatso’er enchantment thus presents in antique shape, attend and hear the words of peace: and thou, | good Herald, read aloud the Riot Act!” therefore received my letters of recall, and pre- | pered to return to Old England. In fine, I set out upon my journey, covered with applause and general admiration. I proceeded with He ceased, and dismal was the tone that softly | breathed from all the frogs in chorus, who quitk had
Page 14
14 Beadle’s Half-Dime Library. trified with fright, unless redoubted Gog and agog, both with poles high topped with airy blad- ders by a st dependent, had not stormed against his lordship. Ever and anon the bladders, loud re- sounding on his chaps, proclaimed their fury against all-potent law, coercive mayoralty: when he, sub- missive, thus in cunning guile addressed the knight's assailant: “ , Magog, renowned and famous! what, my sons, shall you assail your father, friend, and chief confessed? Shall you, thus armed with bladders vile, attack my title, eminence, and pomp sublime? Subside, vile discord, and again return to your true ‘legiance. Think, my friends, how oft your gorgeous pouch I’ve crammed, all calapash, om fat, and calapee. Remember how you've easted, stood inert for ages, until size immense you've — And think, how different is the ser- vice of Munchausen, where you o’er seas, cold, briny, float along the tide, eternal toiling like to slaves Algiers and Tripoli. And ev’n on high, balloon-like, | chemise a la reine. and Westminster Abbey, and turning the founda- tions toward the heavens, so that the roofs of the edifices were upon the ground, he strung them across with brass and steel wire from side to side; and thus, when strung, they had the woe of most noble duleimers. He then took the great dome of St. Paul’s, raising it off the earth with as much facility as you would a decanter of claret. And when once risen up, it had the appearance of a quart bottle. Colossus instantly, with his teeth, cracked off the superior part of the cupola, and then applying his lips to the instrument, began to sound it like a trum- ae "Twas martial beyond description—iantara /— ara—ta! During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrantia: she was dressed that morning in a ‘*T like,” said she, ‘the dew of | the morning, "tis delicate and ethereal; and, by thus through the heavens have journeyed late, upon a | rainbow or some awful bridge stretched eminent; as if on earth he had not work sufficient to distress your bespangling me,I think it will more approximate | | me to the nature of the rose (for her looks were like Aurora); and to confirm the vermilion, I shall go to Spa.” “And drink the Pouhon ~ poy ed I, “Yes,’’ replied the ar. servitndes, but he should also seek in heaven | c ire cause of labor! Recollect, my friends, even why or wherefore should you thus assail your lawful magistrate, or why desert his livery? or for what or wherefore serve this German Lord Munchausen, who for all your labors shall alone bestow some fudge and heroic blows in war? Then cease, and thus in amity return to friendship aldermanic, bungy, brown, and sober.” Ceased he then, ht worshipful, when both the warring champions instant stemmed their battle, and in sign o e and unity returning, ‘neath their feet reclined their weapons. Sudden at a signal either stamped his foot sinistrine, and the loud re- rt of bursten bladder stunned each ear surround- ng, like the roar of thunder from on high convulsing heaven and earth. *Twas now upon the saddle once again the knight of Mancha rose; and in his hand far balancing his lance, full tilt against the troops of bulls cape ing ran. And thou, shrill Crillitrilkril, than whom no cricket e’er on hob of rural cottage, or chimney black, more gladsome tuned his merry note, e’en thou didst perish, shrieking gave the ghost in empty air the sport of ev’ry wind; for e’en that heart so geet and so gay was pierced, harsh spitted by the nce of Mancha, while undaunted thou didst sit be- tween the horns that crowned Mowmowsky. And now Whittington advanced, ‘midst armor antique and the powers Mago enchanting touched the head of every frog, lon mute and thunderstruck; at which, in universa chorus and salute, they sung blithe jocund, and amain advanced rebellious ‘gainst my troop. While Sphinx, though great, gigantic. seemed in- stinctive tase and cowardly, and at the sight of storming gingerbread, and powers Magog, and Gog, and Quixote, all against her, started fierce, o’erturn- ing boat, balloons, and all; loud roared the bulls, hideous: and the crash of wheels, and chaos of cun- fusion drear, resounded far from earth to heaven. And still more fierce in charge the t Lord Whit- oo from poke of ermine his fam’d Grimalkin took. She screamed, and harsh attacked my bulls confounded; lightning-like she darted, and from half the troop their eyes devouring tore. Nor could the riders, crickets throned sublime, escape from rage, from fury less averse than cannons’ murder o’er the stormy sea. The great Mowmowsky roared amain and plunged in anguish, shunning every dart of fire-ey’d fierce Grimalkin. Dire the rage of war- fare, and contending crickets, Quixote and great Magog; when Whi m advan —‘* Good, my friends and warriors, headlong on the foe bear down impetuous!” Hespoke, and waving high the mighty tod, | tipped wonderful each bull, at which more fierce the creatures bellowed, while enchantment drear de- voured their vitals. And all had gone to wreck in more than mortal strife, unless, like Neptune orient from the stormy deep, I rose, e’en towering o’er the ruins of my fighting troops. Serene and calm I stood, and g around undaunted; nor did aught oppose against my foes impetuous. But sudden, from chariot, purses plentiful of fudge poured forth, and scattered it amain o’er all the crowd contending. As when old Catherine or the careful Joan doth scat- ter to the chickens bits of bread and crumbs frag- mented, while rejoiced they gobble fast the proffered scraps in general plenty and fraternal peace, and ““hush,”’ she cries, * hush! hush!” CHAPTER XXXII. THE BARON ARRIVES IN ENGLAND—THE COLOSSUS OF RHODES COMES TO CONGRATULATE HIM—GREAT RE- JOICINGS ON THE BARONS RETURN, AND A TRE- MENDOUS CONCERT—THE BARON’S DISCOURSE WITH FRAGRANTIA, AND HER OPINION OF THE TOUR TO THE HEBRIDES. Havine arrived in England once more, the great- est she dan were made for my return; the whole city seemed one general blaze of illumination; and the Colossus of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came on purpose to England to congratulate me on such er aera achievements. But above all other rejoic on my return, the musical ora- torio and song of triumph were magnificent in the extreme. Gog and Magog were ordered to take the maiden tower of Windsor, and make a tambourine or great drum of it. For this purpose they extended an elephant’s hide, tanned and prepared for the de- sign, across the summit of the tower, from parapet to parapet; so that, in proportion, this extended elephant’s hide was to the whole of the castle what the parchment is to a drum; in such a manner that the whole became one great instrument of war. To correspond with this, Colossus took Guildhall | how they do drink! and then how they sleep! | gara?’’ and Gog; and with his rod | | Seotland and the Hebrides! think of that same Doctor Johnson—that ‘ Constable,’ | gazing at her from top to toe, ovely Fragrantia, ‘‘ with all my heart—’tis the drink of sweetness and delicacy; never were there any creatures like the water-drinkers at Spa; they seem like so many thirsty blossoms ona peach-tree, that suck up the shower in the scorching heat. There is a certain something in the waters that gives vigor to the whole frame, and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence. They drink—good my dear Baron, were you ever at the Falls of Nia- “Yes, my lady,” replied I (surprised at such a strange association of ideas); ‘I have beon, many years a0, at the Falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty in swimming up and down the cata- racts, than I should to move a minuet.’”’ At that moment she “et Ne a nosegay—‘‘ Ah,”’ said she, as | er, I presented it to “there is no great variety in these polyanthuses. T do assure you, my dear Baron that there is taste in the selection of flowers, as well as everything else; and were I a girl of sixteen, I should wear some rose-buds in my bosom; but at five-and-twenty, I think ’twould be more a to wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop off the stalk for want of being pulled—heigh ho!” ‘* But pray, my lady,’’ said I, “* how do you like the concert?’ ‘ Alas!’’ said sh hingly, while she laid her hand on my shoulder, “ what are these bodiless sounds and vibration to me? and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of the northern rt of our island; ‘ Thou art gone awa’ me, ary!’ How pathetic and divine the little airs of But never, never can I as Fergus MacLeod calls him—but I have an idea of | a great brown full-bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter! Oh! ‘twas base to be treated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in return invidi- ously to smelifun them all over; to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen, and Auld Robin Gray, *midst rural innocence and sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh! Doctor, Doctor!” “And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you were to write a ‘Tour to the Hebrides?” ‘ Peace to the heroes,’’ replied she, in a delicate and theatrical | tone; ‘peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona; the sons of the wave, and the chiefs of the dark-brown shield! The tear of the sympathizing stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stones as she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old! Such could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus. The fact is this, there is a right and wrong handle to everything; and there is more pleasure in thinking with pure nobility of heart, than with a illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a black- gua ‘eh CHAPTER XXXII. A LITIGATED CONTENTION BETWEEN DON QUIXOTE, GOG, MAGOG, ETC.—A GRAND COURT ASSEMBLED UPON IT —THE APPEARANCE OF THE COMPANY—THE MATRONS, JUDGES, ETC.—THE METHOD OF WRITING, AND THE USE OF THE FASHIONABLE AMUSEMENT QUIZZES— WAUWAU ARRIVES FROM THE COUNTRY OF PRESTER JOHN, AND LEADS THE WHOLE ASSEMBLY A WILD GOOSE CHASE TO THE TOP OF PLINLIMMON, AND THENCE TO VIRGINIA—THE BARON MEETS A FLOAT- ING ISLAND IN HIS VOYAGE TO AMERICA— PURSUES WAUWAU WITH HIS WHOLE COMPANY THROUGH THE DESERTS OF NORTH AMERICA—HIS CURIOUS CON- TRIVANCE TO SEIZE WAUWAU IN A MORASS. Tue contention between Gog and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, the Lord oe. was productive of infinite litigation. the lawyers in the kingdom were employed, to render the affair as complex and gloriously uncertain as possible; and, in fine, the whole nation became inter- ested, and were divided on both sides of the question. Colossus took the part of yet and the affair was at length submitted to the decision of a grand coun- cil in a great hall, adorned with seats on every side, in form of an amphitheater. The assembly a peared the most magnificent and splendid in the world. A court or jury of one hundred matrons oc- cupied the principal and most honorable part of the | amphitheater; they were dressed in flowing robes of sky-blue velvet, adorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond stars—grave and sedate-looking ma- trons, all in uniform, with spectacles upon their noses; and opposite to these were placed one hun- dred judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of them to their very feet; so that Solomon in all his glory was not so wise in appearance. Atthe | t | the judges and matrons to surround the morass with to be the president of the court; and being arrayed | ardent request of the whole empire, I condesecended according y, I took my seat beneath a canopy erected in the center, Before every judge was placed Magog, and | ttington, ds! Pray, a square inkstand, containing a gallon of ink, and ns of a proportionable size; and also right before im an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and book at the sametime. But they did not make much use of their pens and ink, except to blot and daub the paper; for, that they should be the more impartial, I had ordered that none but the blind should be honored with the employment; so that when they attempted to write an , they uni- formly dipped their pens into the machine contain- ing sand; and having scrawled over a as they thought, desiring them to dry it with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and there- by daubing their fingers, would transfer the ink to their face whenever they leaned their cheek upon their hands for greater gravity. As to the matrons to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all manner of intelligibility, I found it absolutely neces- sary to sew up their mouths; so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons, methought, the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it otherwise would. The matrons, instead of their tongues, had other instruments to convey their ideas: each of them had three quizzes, one quiz pendent from the string that sewed up her mouth, and another quiz in either hand. When she wished to express her negative, she darted and recoiled the uizzes in her right and left hand; and when she esired to express her affirmative, she, nodding, made the quiz pendent from her mouth flow down and recoil again. The trial proeeeded in this man- ner for a long time, to the admiration of the whole empire; when at ta I thought proper to send to my old friend and ally, Prester John entreating him to forward to me one of the species of wild and curious birds found in his kingdom, called a Wau- wau. This creature was ea t over the at bridge before mentioned, from the interior of Africa, by a balloon. The balloon was meg ig upon the bridge, extending over the parapets on_each side, with great wings or oars to assist its velocity; and under the balloon was placed pendent a kind of boat, in which were the persons to manage the steer- age of the machine, and protect Wauwau. This oracular bird arriving in England, instantly darted through one of the windows of the great hall, and perched upon the canopy in the center, to the ad- miration of all present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic and oracular: and the first question pro to her by the unanimous consent of the matrons and ju was, Whether or not the moon was com of Green Cheese? The solution of this question was deemed ey necessary, be- fore they could proceed further on the trial. Wauwau seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan, except that the neck was not near so long, and she stood after an admirable fashion like to Vestris. She began cackling most sonorously, and the whole bayer rn, Be ghee that it was absolutely necessary to catch her, and having her in their im- mediate possession, nothing more would be requisite for the termination of this litigated affair. For this purpose the whole house rose up to catch her, and approached in tumult, the judges brandishing their pens, and shaking their big wigs, and the matrons quizzing. as much as possible in every direction, which very much startled Wauwau; Who clapping her wings, instantly flew out of the hall. The assem- bly began to proceed after her in order and style of recedence; together with my whole train of Gog and agog, Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, Queen Mab’s char- iot, the bulls and crickets, etc., preceded by bands of music; whileWauwau, descending on the earth, ran on like an ostrich before the troop, cackling all the bei Thinking suddenly to catch this ferocious ani- mal, the judges and matrons would suddenly quicken their pace: but the creature would as quickly outrun them, or sometimes away for many miles to- gether, and then alight to take breath until we came within sight of her again. Our train ge ea over a most prodigious tract of country in a direct line, over hills and dales, to the summit of Plinlimmon, where we beep ee to have seized Wauwau; but she instantly took flight, and never ceased until she ar- aia at the mouth of the Potomac river in Vir- nia. Our company immediately embarked in the ma- chines before described, in which we had journeyed into Africa, and after a few days’ sail arrived in North America. We met with noth curious on our voyage, except a Sots ee containing some bag elightful villages, inhabited by a few whites and negroes: the sugar cane did not thrive there well, on account, as I was informed, of the variety of the climates; the island being sometimes driven up as far as the north pole, and at other times wafted under the equinoctial. In pity to the poor islanders, I got a huge stake of iron, and driving it through the center of the island, fastened it to the rocks and mud ac the bottom of the sea; since which time the island | has become con go hemes is well known at present by the name of St. Christopher's, and there is not an island in the world more secure, Arriving in North America, we were received by the President of the United States with every honor and politeness. He was pleased to give us all the information possible relative to the woods and im- mense regions of America, and ordered troops of the different tribes of the nimaux to guide us through the forests in pursuit of Wauwau; who, we atlength found, had taken refuge in the center of a morass. The inhabitants of the country, who loved hunting, were much delighted to behold the manner in which we attempted to seize upon Wauwau; the chasé was noble and uncommon. determined to surround the animal on every side; and for this purpose ordered nets extending a mile in hight; on various parts of which nets the company disposed themselves, floating in the air, like so many spiders upon their
Page 15
Baron Munchausen. cobwebs. og, at my command, put ona kind of armor that hehad carried with him for the purpose, corslets of steel, with gauntlets, helmets, etc., So as nearly to resemble a mole. He instantly plunged into the earth, making way with his sharp steel head-piece, and tearing up the ground with his iron claws; and found not much difficult therein, as morass in general is of a soft and yiel texture. Thus he hoped to undermine Wauwau; and sudden- ly rising, seize her by the foot: while his brother og ascended the air ina balloon, hoping to catch her if she should escape Magog. Thus the animal was surrounded on every side, and at first was very much terrified, knowing not which way she had best togo, At length, hearing an obscure noise under ound, Wauwau took flight before Magog could rhs time to catch her by the foot. She flew to the right, then to the left, north, east, west, and south; but found on every side the company prepared upon their nets. At length she flew right up, soaring at a most astonis: rate toward the sun, while the com- pany on every side set up one general acclamation. But Gog in his.balloon soon stopped Wauwau in the midst of her career, and snared her ina net, the cords of which he continued to hold in his hand. Wauwau did not totally lose her presence of mind but, after a little consideration, made several violen darts against the volume of the balloon; so fierce, as at length to tear open a great space, on which, the inflammable air rushing out, the whole apparatus began to tumble to the earth with amazing rapidity. Gog himself was thrown out of the vehicle, and let- ting go the reins of the net, Wauwau got liberty again, and flew out of sight in an instant. Gog had been above a mile elevated from the earth when he began to fall; and as he advanced, the ra- pidity increased, so that he went like a ball from a cannon into the morass, and his nose striking against one of the iron-capped hands of his brother Og, just then sng Sag the depths, he began to bleed violently, and, but for the softness of the morass, would have lost his life. CHAPTER XXXIIL, THE BARON HARANGUES THE COMPANY, AND THEY CON- TINUE THE PURSUIT—THE BARON, WANDERING FROM HIS RETINUE, IS TAKEN BY THE SAVAGES, SCALPED, AND TIED TO A STAKE TO BE ROASTED; BUT HE CON- TRIVES TO EXTRICATE HIMSELF, AND KILLS THE SAVAGES—THE BARON TRAVELS OVER LAND THROUGH THE FORESTS OF NORTH AMERICA, TO THE CONFINES OF RUSSIA—ARRIVES AT THE CASTLE OF THE NARESKIN ROWSKIMOWMOWSKY, AND GALLOPS INTO THE KING- DOM OF LOGGERHEADS—A BATTLE, IN WHICH THE BARON FIGHTS THE NARESKIN IN SINGLE COMBAT, AND GENEROUSLY GIVES HIM HIS LIFE—ARRIVES AT THE FRIENDLY ISLANDS, AND DISCOURSES WITH OMAI —THE BARON, WITH ALL HIS ATTENDANTS, GOES FROM OTAHEITE TO THE ISTHMUS OF DARIEN; AND HAVING CUT A CANAL ACROSS THE ISTHMUS, RETURNS TO ENGLAND. “My friends, and very learned and profound Ju- dicarii,"’ said i “be not disheartened t Wauwau has escaped from you at pres2nt; persevere, and we shall yet succeed. You should never despair, Mun- chausen being your general; and therefore be brave, be courageous, and fortune shall second your en- deavors. Let us advance undaunted in pursuit, and follow the fierce Wauwau even three times round the globe, until we entrap her.” My words filled them with confidence and valor, and they unanimously agreed to continue the chase. We penetrated the frightful deserts and gloomy woods of America, beyond the source of the Ohio, em countries utterly unknown before. I fre- quently took the diversion of shooting in the woods; and one day that I happened with three attendants to wander far from our troop, we were suddenly set upon by a number of savages. As we had expended our powder and shot, and happened to have no side arms, it was in vain to make resistance against hun- dreds of enemies. In short, they bound us, and made us walk before them to a Sscinge cavern in a rock, where ie ype upon what game they had killed: but which not being sufficient, they took my three unfortunate companions scalped us. The pain of losing the flesh from my head was most horrible; it made me leap in agonies and roar like a bull. They then tied us to stakes, and making great fires around us began to dance in a circle, singing with much distortion and barbarity, and at times putting the palms of their hands t6 their mouths, set up the war-whoop. As they had on that. day also made a great prize of some wine and spirits belonging to our troop, these barbarians, find- ing it delicious, and unconscious of its intoxicating quality, began to drink it in profusion, while they be- held us roasting; andin a very short time they were all completely drunk, and fell asleep around the fires. Perceiving some hopes, I used most astonish- ing efforts to extricate myself from the cords with which Iwas —_ and at length succeeded. I imme- and myself, and diately unbound my companions, and though half Tasted, they still had power enough to walk. We ht about for the flesh that been taken off so our heads, and having found the scalps, we imme- diately adapted them to our bloody heads, sticking them on with a kind of glue of a sovereign quality, that flows from a tree in that oom © and the parts united and healed in a few hours. We took care to revenge ourselves on the savages, and with their own hatchets put every one of them to death. We then returned to our troop, who had given us up for lost; and they made great rejoicings on our Ee a We now proceeded in our journey through this prodi- a tes wilderness, Gog and Magog acting as pioneers, ewing down the trees, etc., at a great rate as we ad- 15 vanced. We lakes, and rivers, until at length we discovered a | habitation at some distance. It appeared a dark and gloomy castle, surrounded with strong ramparts, and a broad ditch. We called a council of war, and it was determined to send a deputation with a et 2 to the walls of the castle, and demand friendship from the governor, whoever he might he, and an ac- count if aught he knew of Wauwau. For this = pose our whole caravan halted in the wood, and Gog and Magog reclined among the trees, that their enor- mous strength and size should not be discovered, and give umbrage to the lord of the castle. Our embassy approached the castle, and having demanded admit- tance for some time, at length the drawbridge was let down, and they were ered to enter. As soon as they had the gate it was immediately closed after them, and on either side they perceived | a of halberdiers, who made them tremble with ear. ** We come,” the herald proclaimed, “on the part of Hilaro Frosticos, Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron Munchausen, to claim friendship from the governor of this puissant castle, and to seek Wauwau.” “The most noble the governor,”’ replied the officer, ‘is at all times happy to entertain such travelers as pass through these immense deserts, and will esteem it an honor that the great Hilaro Frosticos, Don ss Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned aron Munchausen, enter his castle walls.” In short, we entered the castle. The governor sat with all our company to table, surrounded by his friends, of a very fierce and warlike appearance. They spoke but little, and seemed very austere and reserved, until the first course was served up. The dishes were brought in by a number of bears walking on their hind-legs; and on every dish was a fricassee of pistols, pistol-bullets, sauce of gun aqua-vite. This entertainment seeme gestible by even an ostrich’s stomach: when the gov- ernor addressed us, and informed me that it was ever his custom to strangers, to offer them for the first course a service similar to that before us; and if they were inclined to accept the invitation, he would fight them as much as they pleased; but if they could not relish the pistol-bullets, etc., he would conclude them gars =a ay and try what better polite- ness he could show them in his castle. In short, the first course being removed untouched, we dined; and after dinner the governor forced the company to | push the bottle about with alacrity and to excess. He | informed us that he was the Nareskin Rowskimow- mowsky, who had retired amid these wilds, disgust- ed with the court of Petersburgh. I was rejoiced to meet him; I recollected my old friend, whom I had known at the court of Russia, when I rejected the hand of the empress. The Nareskin, with all his ee companions, drank to an astonishing degree and we all set off upon hobby-horses in full cry out of the castle. Never was there seen such a cavalcade be- fore. In front galloped a hundred knights belongin tothe castle, with hunting horns and a pack of excel- lent dogs; and then came the Nareskin Rowskimow- | mowsky, Gog and Magog, Hilaro Frosticos, and your humble servant, hallooing and shouting like so many demoniacs, and spurring our hobby-horses at an in- fernal rate, until we arrived in the kingdom of Log- gece 2 The ki om of rheads was wilder an any part of Siberia, and the Nareskin had here built a romantic summer-house in a Gothic taste, to which he would ray ere retire with his company after dinner. The Nareskin had a dozen bears of enormous stature that danced for our amusement, and their chiefs admiration. An ticos thought proper to ask the Nareskin some pee ligence about Wauwau, in quest of whom we traveled over such a tract of country, and encoun- tered so many dangerous adventures: and also in- vited the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky to attend us with all his bears in the expedition. The Nare- skin appeared astonished at the idea; he looked with infinite hauteur and ferocity on Hilaro, and affecting a violent ion, asked him: ‘“ Did he imagine that the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky could condescend to take notice of a Wauwau, let her fly what way she would? Or did he think a chief possessing such d over numberless swamps, and | vulsive, the teeth closed upon him like nut-crackers. I threw the bear from me, but the Nareskin remained sprawling, unable to extricate his head from the bear’s jaws, imploring for mercy. I gave the wretch | his life—a lion preys not upon carcasses. At the | arrived at Kamschatka; thence | Imet my old same time, my troop had effectually routed the bears and the rest of their adversaries. I was merci- ful, and ordered quarter to be given. At that moment I perceived Wauwau = a great hight through the heavens, and we instantly set out in pursuit of her, and never stopped until we to Otaheite. acquaintance Omai, who had been in England with the t navigator Cook; and I was | glad to find he had established Sunday-schools over all the islands. From these islands we set out, attended by a fleet of canoes with fighting-stages, and the chiefest war- riors of the islands, commanded by Omai; and alto- gether we cut a very formidable appearance on our arrival at the Isthmus of Darien. nsible of what benefit it would be to mankind, I immediately formed a plan of cutting a canal across the Isthmus, from Sea to sea. For this purpose I drove my chariot with the greatest impetuosity repeatedly from shore to shore, in the same track, Ngee up the rocks and earth thereby, and forming a tolerable bed for the water. Gog and Mago next advanced at the head of a mil- lion of people, from the realms of North and South America, and from Europe: and with infinite labor cleared away the earth, etc., that I had ploughed up with my chariot. I then again drove my chariot | making the canal wider and deeper; and ®rde wder, and | rather indi- | rformed the minuet dela cour to | here the most noble Hilaro Fros- | Gog and Magog to repeat their labor as before. The canal being a quarter of a mile broad, and three hundred yards in depth, I thought it sufficient, and immediately let in the waters of the sea. I did im- agine that from the rotatory motion of the earth on its axis from west to east, the sea would be higher on the eastern than the western coast; and that on the uniting of the two seas there would be a strong current from the east—and it happened just as I ex- pected. The sea came in with tremendous magnifi- | cence, and enlarged the bounds of the canal, so as to make a passage of some miles broad from ocean to ocean, and make an island of South America. Sev- eral sail of trading vessels and men-of-war sailed | through this new channel to the South Seas, China, eee saluted me with all their cannon as they passed. Thus having wedded the Atlantic Ocean to the South Sea, I returned to England, and found Wau- wau precisely in the very t whence she had set out, after having led us a chase all round the world. CHAPTER XXXIV. THE BARON GOES TO PETERSBURGH, AND CONVERSES WITH THE EMPRESS—PERSUADES THE RUSSIANS AND TURKS TO CEASE CUTTING ONE ANOTHER’S THROATS, AND IN CONCERT CUT A CANAL ACROSS THE ISTHMUS OF SUEZ—THE BARON DISCOVERS THE ALEXANDRINE LI- BRARY, AND MEETS WITH HERMES TRISMEGISTUS—BE- SIEGES SERINGAPATAM, AND CHALLENGES TIPPOO SAIB TO SINGLE COMBAT—THEY FIGHT—THE BARON RECEIVES SOME WOUNDS ON HIS FACE, BUT AT LAST VANQUISHES THE TYRANT—THE BARON RETURNS TO EUROPE, AND RAISES THE HULL OF THE ROYAL GEORGE. SEIZED with a fury of canal-cutting I took it in my head to form an immediate communication between the Mediterranean and the Red Sea; and therefore set out for Petersburgh. The sanguinary ambition of the empress would not listen to my proposals, until I took a private op- portunity, taking a cup of coffee with her majesty. | to tell her that I would absolutely sacrifice myself | added she, risin: blood in his veins could engage in such a foreign | pursuit? By the blood of all dom of Loggerheads, and by the ashes of m great-grandmother, i would cut off your head Hilaro Frosticos resented this oration, and in short a generalriot commenced. The bears, together with the hundred knights, took the part of the Nareskin; Wut ton, te Bl tho kt te Fada te ngton, the s, the cricke e judges, the matrons, and Hilaro Frosticos, made noble warfare against t em drew my sword, and challenged the Nareskin to single combat. He frowned, while his eyes sparkled and indignation; and bracing a buckler on his left arm, he advanced against me. I made a blow at him with all my force, which he received upon his buckler, and my sword broke short. Ungenerous ‘Nareskin! seeing me disarmed, he still pushed forward, deali his blows upon me with the utmost violence, which I shield and the hilt of my broken sword, and fought like a game-cock, An enormous bear at the same time attacked me; but I ran my hand, still retai the hilt of ~ broken sword, down his throat, and tore up say by the roots. I then seized his carcass by the hind-legs, and whirlin Nareskin such a blow wit ly stunned him. I repeated my blows, knocking the bear’s head against the Nareskin’s head, until, by one happy blow, I got his head into the bear's jaws; and the creature being stiil somewhat alive and con- grea it over my head, gave the | his own Sears as evident- | ied with my | he bears in the king- | for the general good of mankind; and if she would accede to my proposals, would, on the completion of the canal, ipso facto, give her my hand in marriage! a & dear, ¢ = vo she, “I Be to everythi you please; and agree to make with the ‘Porte on the conditions you mention. Ena,” with all the majesty of the czarina, empress of the world, ‘‘be it known to all sub- jects, that we ordain these conditions, for such is our royal will and pleasure.” now proceeded to the Isthmus of Suez, at the head of a million of Russian pioneers, and there united my forces with a million of Turks, armed with shovels and pick-axes. They did not come to cut each other's throats, but for their mutual inter- est, to facilitate commerce and civilization, and pour all the wealth of India by a new channel into Europe. ‘* My brave fellows,”’ said I, “consider the immense labor of the Chinese to build their celebrated wall: think of what superior benefit to mankind is our present undertaking; persevere, and fortune will second your endeavors. Remember, it is Munchaus- en who leads you on, and be convinced of success.” Saying these words, I drove my chariot with all my might in my former track, the vestige mentioned by the Baron de Tott; and when I was advanced considerably, I felt my chariot sinking under me, I attempted to drive on, but the ground, or rather immense vault, giving way, my chariot and all went | down precipitately. Stunned by the fall, I was some moments before I could recollect myself; when at length, tomy amazement, I perceived myself fallen in- to the Alexandrine Library, overwhelmed in an ocean of books: thousands of volumes came tumbling on my head amidst the ruins of that part of the vault through which my chariot had descended, and fora time buried my bulls and all beneath a heap of learn- ing. However, I contrived to extricate myself, and advanced with awful admiration through the vast avenues of the library. I perceived on every side ; innumerable volumes and repositories of ancient
Page 16
16 and all the science of the Antediluvian Here I met with Hermes Trismegistus, and a eS of .old philosophers, debating upon the politics and learning of their days. I gave them in- expressible delight, in telling them in a few words all the discoveries of Newton, and the history of the world since their time. These gentry; on the con- trary, told mea thousand stories of antiquity, that some of our antiquarians would give their very eyes to hear. ; In short, I ordered the lib _to be preserved; and Lintend making a present of it, as soon as it ar- rives in England, to the Royal Society, ether with Hermes Trismegistus, and ‘half a dozen old philoso- co. I have got a beautiful cage made, in which I “wi these. extraordinary creatures, and feed them with bread and honey, as they seem to believe in a kind of doctrine of transmigration, and. will not touch flesh.,.Hermes Trismegistus especially is a most antique-looking being, with a be half a yard long, covered with a robe of golden embroidery, and prates like a parrot. He will cut a brilliant figure in the Museum. Ha made a track with my chariot from sea to sea, I ordered my Turks and. Russians to begin; and in a few hours we had the pleasure of seeing a fleet ef British East Indiamen in full sail through the canal. The officers of this fleet were very polite, and paid Tama arn ap pNenee and congratulation my ex- pleits could t. They told me of their affairs in and the ferocity of that dreadful warrior Tip- poo Saib; on which I resolved to go to India and en- counte® the tyrant. I traveled down the Red Sea to Madras, and at the head of afew Sepoys and Euro- peans pursued the flying army of Tippoo tothe gates of Remupapatan challenged him to mortal com- bat; and, mounted on my steed, rode up to the walls of the fortress amidst.a storm of shells and cannon- balls, As fast. asthe bombs and cannon- came upon me, Lcaught them in my hands like so many pebbles, and throwing them against the fortress, de- molished the strongest ramparts of the place. I took my mark,so direct, that whenever I aimed a cannon- ball.or.a shell at any. person on the ramparts, I was sure to hit him; and one time, perceiving a tremend- ous piece of artillery pointed against me, and know- ing,the ball must: be so great it would certainly stun me, I took a, small cannon-ball, and just as I per- ceived the engineer going to order them to fire, and opening his mouth to give the word of command, I igoke aim, and drove my ball precisely down his throat, Tippoo, fearing that all would be lost if I continued to batter PaRAey came forth upon his elephant to fight me; I saluted him, and insisted he should fire first. Tippoo, though a_barbarian, was not deficient in politeness, and declined the compliment; upon which I took off my hat, and bowing, told him it was an advantage Munchausen should never be said to accept from so gallant a warrior: on which Tippoo instantly discharged his carbine, the ball from which hitting my horse's ear, made him = with rage and indignation. In return, I discharged my pistol at Ti and shot off his turban. He had a small field-piece mounted with him on his elephant, which he thend ed at me, and the grape-shot comin in a shower, rattled in the laurels that covered anc shaded me all over, and remained pendent like ber- ries on the branches. I then, advancing, took the proboscis of his eléphant, and turning it against the rider; strack him repeatedly with the extremity of it.on either side of the head, until I at length dis- mounted him. Nothing could equal the rage of the barbarian on. finding himself thrown from his ele- phant.. He rose ina fit of despair, and rushed against learning. world, my steed and myself; but.I scorned to fight him at so great a disadvantage on his side, and directly dis- mounted to fight him hand to hand. Never did I fight. with any man who bore himself more nobly than this adversary: he parried my blows, and dealt home his own in return with astonishing precision. The first blow of his saber I received upon the bridge of my nose; and, but for the bony firmness of that part of my face, it would have descended to Wy mouth, .I still bear the mark ape my nose, He next made a furious blow at. my head, but I, parry- ing. deadened the force of his saber, so that I re- ved but one scar on my forehead; and at the same instant, by a blow of my sword, cut off his arm, and his hand. and saber fell to the earth; he tottered for some, paces, and drop at the foot of his elephant. That. ous ani poring poe danger of his mas- ter, endeavored to tect him. by flourishing his proboscis round the of the sultan, Fearless, I advanced against the elephant, desirous to take alive the haughty Tippoo Saib; but he drew a pistol from his belt, and d ed. it full in my face as I rushed u him, which did me no.further harm than wound my cheek-bone, which disfigures me somewhat under my left eye. I could not with- stand the rage and impulse of that moment, and with one blow of my sword separated his head from his body. A ge overland crane Toda to sarene — ad- m vi 3 80 e account, 0 ’s defeat re not yet arrived by the po ne , nor can om expect. to hear of it for a con- siderable time. I simply relate the encounter as it happened between the sultan and me; and if there be any one who doubts the truth of what I say, he is an infidel, and I will fight him at any time antl place, and with any weapon he pleases. earing s0 many persons talking about, raising the Royal George, I began to take pity on that fine old of British plank, and determined to have her up. I was sensible of the failure of the various means hitherto employed, and therefore inclined to try a different method. I got an immense balloon, made of the toughest sail-cloth; and, having de- scended in my diving-bell, and properly secured the | Beadle’s Half-Dime Library. hull with enormous cables, I ascended to the sur- face, and fastened my cables to the balloon, As soon as I began to fill my balloon with inflammable air, the vessel began to moye: but when balloon was completely filled, she carried up the Royal George with the greatest rapidity. The vessel ay on the surface occasioned a shout. of triumph from the millions assembled on the occasion. Still the balloon continued ascending, trailing the hull after, like alan- tern at the tail of a kite, and in a few minutes ap- floating among the clouds. It was then the opinion of many philosophers, that it would be more difficult to get her down than it had been to draw her up. But I convinced them to the contrary, by takin, aim so exac with a twelve-pounder, that I brought her down in an instant. I thought it safer to take my aim when the balloon was over the | sea, and, pointing m twelve-pounder, drove the ball | right through the balloon; on which the inflammable | air rushed out with descended like a fa star into the very spot from whence she had been tak en. There she still remains: t force, and the Royal George | and I have convinced all Europe of the possibility of taking her up. CHAPTER XXXvV. THE BARON SEMBLY, AND DRIVES OUT ALL THE MEMBERS—ROUTS THE FISH-WOMEN AND THE NATIONAL GUARDS—PUR- SUES THEM INTO A CHURCH, WHERE HE DEFEATS THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY, ETC., WITH ROUSSEAU, VOLTAIRE, AND BEELZEBUB AT THEIR HEAD, MARIE ANTOINETTE AND THE ROYAL FAMILY. Passinc through Switzerland, on my return from | India, I heard of the sufferings of the amiable Marie Antoinette, and swore to avenge every look that had threatened her with insult. I went to the cavern of these Anthro gracefully putting the hilt of my sword to my lips— “Iswear,” cried I, “by the sacred cross of my sword, that if you do not instantly reinstate your king and his nobility and your injured queen I will cut the one-half of you to pieces,” On which the Pres- ident, taking up a leaden inkstand, flung it at my head. I stoo to avoid the blow, and rushing to the Hibanal, seized the speaker, who was fulminat- ing against the Aristocrats; and taking the creature by one leg, flung him at the President, I laid about me most nobly, drove them all out of the house, and, locking the doors ay the key in my pocket... I then went to the poor k ng, and making my obeisance to him—“‘ Sire,” said I, ‘‘ your enemies have all fled; I alone am the National Assembly at present; and I shall register your edicts to recall the princess and the nobility; and in future, if your Majesty pigencs, I will be your Parliament and Council.”” He thanked me, and amiable Marie Antoinette smiling, gave me her hand to kiss. yee a party of the Nation- At that moment I al Assembly, who had rallied with the National phagi, assembled to debate, and | MAKES A SPEECH TO THE NATIONAL AS- | AND LIBERATES © Guards and a vast procession of fish-women, advanc- | ing against me. place of safety, and with my drawn sword advanced against my foes. Three hundred fish-women, with bushes dressed with ribbons in their hands, came | hallooing and roaring against me like so many fu- ries. I scorned to defile my sword with their blood, but seized the first that came up, and making her kneel down, knighted her with my sword; which so terrified the rest, that.they_all set up a frightful yell, and ran away as fast.as they could, for fear of be- ing aristocrated by knighthood. then pursued the enemy to the top of a hill, where a most noble edifice dazzled. m ht; noble and sacred it was, but now. converted to the vilest purposes, _I. burst_ open the doors, and entered sword in hand. Here I observed all the National Assembly marching round a great altar erected to Voltaire; there was his statue in triumph, and the fish-women. with pres decking it...I rushed upon these pagans and sacrificed them by dozens on the spot. eir cries were horrible, like the shrieks of witches and enchanters versed in magic and the black art; while. the thunder growled and storms shook the battlements, and Rousseau, Vol- taire, and Beelzebub appeared, three horrible spec- ters: one all meager, mere skin and bone, and cadeayrous, was Vo taire, and in his hands were a lyre and a d ‘r. On the other side was Rous- seau, with a chalice of sweet poison in his hand; and between them was their father Beelzebub! I shuddered at the sight: and with all the enthu- siasm of e, horror, and _ picty,. rushed in among them. I seized that skeleton Voltaire, and soon compelled him to renounce all the errors he had advanced; and while he spoke the words, as if by magic charm, the whole assembly shrieked, and their pandemonium began to tumble in hideous ruin on their heads. I returned in triumph to the palace, where the queen rushed into my tae he oi tenderly. I bade the lovely creature dry her eyes, and with the eg feats Dauphin ascend my beets ons and drive post to Mont-Medi, as not an instant was to be Jost. ey took my advice and drove ayer. I conveyed, them within a few miles of Mont-Medi, when the king, thanking me for my assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself any further, as he was then, he pre- sumed, out of danger; and the queen, also, with tears in her eyes, thanked me on her knees, and_pre- sented the Dauphin for my blessing, In short, I left the king eating a mutton-chop, I advised him not to delay, or he would certainly be taken; and setting spurs to my horse, wished them a good-evening, and returned to England. If the king remained too long at table, and was taken, it was not my fault. THE ED deposited their. Majesties in a | | Mountain, Plains Beadle’s Half Dime Library. Splendid Stories by Authors of Oelebrity, equal in quantity to a full Dare Novet, and in char- acter unsu ed for exciting inte originality, and the very spirit of Western, , Mining, Hunters, ae rting, Trap- ife. ping, and Sea and Land Adventure Live” stories, every one of them, by “Live” Au- thors; in the popular *‘folio’’ form, each Number «a complete novd, at the extraordinary price of a Haur- Dime—this HALF-DIME LIBRARY) distances all competitors and will command an immense circula- tion. NOW READY: 1 Deadwood Dick, By Edward L. Wheeler. 5e. 2 Yellowstone Jack. By Jos. E. Badger.. 5c. 3 Kansas 5 ing. BY SUR? oN sen 2-s ; 4 The Wild Horse-Hunters. By Capt. marys Reid and VARt. Frederick Whittaker. 5c. 5 Vagabond Joe. By Oll Comes. (Double a al ny ie ea pig HE FU 10¢. 6 Bill Biddon, Trapper. By Ed. 8. Ellis. 5c. 7 The Flying Vankee. By Col. Prentiss Ta thipaeee tigen er 9 5 5a pet S Ee Be. Seth Jones. By Edward §, Ellis .......... 5e. The Adventures of Baron Mun- 6 OE sya mee A galt IRS “ 10 Nat Todd, By Edward S. Ellis....... ... 11 The Two Detectives, By Albert W Ba, «io tn custom otter? atin ose 12 Gulliver's Travels. By Dean Swift.... 5c. Issued see eeiy. Tuesdays and Fridays. The HALF DIME LIBRARY is sold’ by all news- dealers; or is sent, post-paid, on receipt of six cents r number., Address BEADLE AND ADAMS, blishers, 98 WiiL1AM StrEET, New YorE. The New York Library. 1 A Harp Crown. By Philip 8S. Warne.......... 10¢. 2 Tue Dare-Deviu.. By Col. P. Ingraham..... 10¢. 8 Krr Carson, Jr. By Buckskin Sam........., 10c. 4 THE KIDNAPPER. By Xap S.,Warne........ 10c. 5 Tue Fire Frenps. Aw Bo: MOTTIB, ST. «0... 05 10c. 6 Winpoat Bos. By Edward L. Wheeler...... 10¢. 7 DeatH-Notcu, THE DestTRoyER, .. Oll Coomes. 10c. 8 Tae Heapiess Horseman. By Mayne Reid... 20c. 9 Hanpy Anpy, - By Samuel Lover.,....... .... 10¢, 10 Vr , THE FRENCH PoLice Spy. Written by mself 0 We + Ah FSV € a eee 20c. 11 MipsHrpMAN Easy. By Capt. Maryatt.... ... 10e, 12 Tae Deatu-Suort.., By Carr. Mayne Reid... .. ec. 13 ParHAWAY; OR, Nick WHIFFLES, THE OLD TRAPPER OF THE NorTHWEsT. By Dr. J. H. REPIEOR. 6. exsvtescey > owe - orn + Syme Ese. Ei 10c. 14 RFA FASOABRCEA, THE ScourGcE. By Ned Bunt- ; EO PTR re) eas 0c. 15. THe TiceR SLAYER. By Gustaye Aimard..... 10c. 16 THe Wurre Wizarv. By Ned Buntline....... 10c. 17 Niautsuape. By Dr. J, H. Robinson........ 10c. | 18 THe Sea Banvir, By Ned Buntline.......... 10c. 19 Rep Cepar, By Gustave Aimard............ 10c. 20 Fo iged OF THE Prairies, By Gustave Aim- a CR PARA EF pot PRS c. 21 Tue Traprer’s Daventer. By Gustave Aim- sss Ne ery yee oe ey A 4 A new issue every week. For sale by all newsdealers, or sent, postage paid, on receipt of twelve cents for single numbers; double numbers twenty-four cents. STARR & CO., Publishers, Platt and William Sts., N. Y. The Fireside Library. 1 Was See His Wire? Mrs. Mary R. Crowell... 10c. 2 Fipemne From Love. . By Harriet Irving..... 10c. 3. Dm. He Love Her? Bartley T. Campbell.... 10c. 4A Srranep Woman... By Rett Winwood ..... 10e. 5 Naps, THE RussIAN Spy. F. Whittaker....... 10e. 6 Two Grats’ Lives. By Mrs. Mary R. Crowell. 10c. 78 ae AUDLEY’s SzorET. By Miss M. E. Brad- ie 09M «gatas satady ob -40.- heen anak ems S210 . 9 Tam War of Hearts, Corinne Cushman,... 10c. 10 LeiaHTron GranGe, Miss M. E. Braddon . 10e. 11 Tam Fause Wipow. . J. D, Burton....... 10¢, 12-13 Losr ror Love. Miss M..E. Braddon...... 20c. 14-15, Torters or THE Ska. By Victor Hugo. ..., 20c. 16 Tae Ocroroon. . By Miss M. E, Braddon..., . 10e. 17-18 Uncum Sinas,. By J..S, Le Fanu........,,. 2e. 19-20 Dman-Sea Frurr. . Miss M. EB. Braddon..... 20e. 91-22 Lrrrne Kate Kirpy. F, W. Robinson...... 20c. 23 SowIne THE Win. » Mrs, } R. Crowell..,. 10e. 24-25 Brrps of Prey. .Miss M, E, Braddon...... 20. 26 Taat Boy. or Norcort’s. Charles er-ss.. 10c. 27-28, CHARLOTTE’S INHERITANCE, By M.E, MORASS. cassis -Seseins <6 ¥ixne cased ste 20. 20 A Grru’s Heart. Rett. Winwood ........ 10e. rag? Rep as A Rose is Sue. By Rhoda Brough- oe ET he ee ee -" R 82 Tue, Lity oF St. Exne. By Mrs, Crow... 10e. 33. STRANGELY Wep. By Mrs. J. D. BurTon..... 10c. 34 Tee Gresy Bring. M. EO, en,...+... 10e. 85 AnNIB TEMPLE, By ee. J. H. In am.... 10¢. 36 WitHovt Mercy, By Bartley T. apbell... 10c. 37 Buack Eyes anp Buus. By Corinne Cush- CS i ee ee 10e, 38 Brave Barpara.. By Corinne Cushman....., 10c. on receipt of twelve cents for single numbers, double numbers twenty-four cents. BEADLE & ADAMS, Publishers, 98 William Street, N, Y,