Beadle's Half Dime Library (no. 1033) (1897 05 11)
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ye WN WY a ———4 BY ARIZONA CY. == 2 eo eT | $2.50 PUBLISHED WEEKLY BY BEADLE AND ADAMS. Price . sues No. 1038. a Year. No. 92 WILLIAM STREET, NEW YORK. 5 cents. Val, ey mm : | | ——$—} HV i | | | | | Ht |
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2 You-Bet Bob’s Circus: | * High Old Times at Hold-Up. BY ARIZONA CY CHAPTER I. HELD UP AT HOLD-UP, I was there, you bet; so was my pard. We don’t miss much that’s goin’ on within a hundred miles of our home base, You-bet Bob is a team allin himself, and we are pards. Where he goes, there I go too. Bob is wide open for fun seven days in the week, and if I want fun all I have to do is to tie to Bob and I have it. ; One day You-bet Bob came to me and he said, said he: 3 ** Oy, thar is goin’ to be a big doin’s ove to Hold-up.” ** So?” said I. “Shur,” said he, ‘What is it like?’ I asked him. ‘“*Wull, ye know et is Thanksgivin’, for one thing.” he answered, ‘and for another thing they are goin’ to make it the red- hottest old Thanksgivin’ you ever heard tell of in your born days!” **Sho!” said I. ‘Shur pop!” said he, ‘And you are a-goin’, Bob?” ‘You bet!” said Bob, promptly ‘‘Ef you go, then I go too,” | ‘I chipped in. That settled it; it was just as much a bar- gain as if we had had it drawn up in writin’ and a seal and ribbons saddled onto et. We slicked up our ponies, brightened up our | guns a bit, and next mornin’ we put on our ' store clothes and ambled off in the direction of Hold-up. I won’t say much about myself, but I must chip in once,for Bob before I go any further along this literary trail. Bob is a high hoss, Im telling you; he is almost a hoss and a wagon to boot, when he gits up on his hind legs, as he does once in awhile. He is about thirty, ruther slick in ’pearance, and as full of frolic as a broncho is full of bucks. : Well, we got to Hold-up, or within sight of the camp, when of a sudden a chap lights out into the trail right in front of our ponies, with both his guns to the fore, and he chimes right, out merrily. “Whoop! Hold your hosses, pilgrims! eee is the place whar you have to pay O " By “Pay toll?” I asks. _, **That’s right,” said he. | That's dead wrong!” said Bob, * Right or wrong, hyer is whar you pay,” declared the feller that blocked our trail, ‘and the best thing you kin do is to put up your hands till I go through ye,” he said » in finish, And there we were, you bet. Bob looked at me and I looked at Bob as we put up our hands, for that feller’s guns was dead on us, with the open.ends our ig and I had a sort of creepy feelin’ all over in places, while even Bob looked spotted here and there, some of which spots was ‘‘ mad” and some of which was ‘‘scare.” _ ‘*What’s goin’ to be done?” asked Bob. . ‘Blame me ef I know,” said I. ‘We're poorer than Job’s turkey,” said ~ Bob ae bye: eller, rey _ ‘And poorer, too,” I chipped in to help it along. ‘We ain’t worth botherin’ with.” ‘No matter how poor ye are,” said the feller, “‘ you willmake me richer, so go down and take account of stock, and do it quic Ap | he took a closer squint along oe gues { He had Te bag over his head, with hoics popped in it for his eyes, and with his hat settin’ on top of that he looked like the | _ very Nick himself, My hands went in the | ‘Well, you needn’t never want to be. Kk.” |) You-Bet Bob’s Circus. directions of my pockets instanter, for I didn’t want to take any chances, but he yelled: ‘‘Up with them hands! Don’t you dare to reach, or I’ll bore ye so quick ye won't know what hurt ye! That’s what l’m hyer for, pilgrims, and you will find that Tam no tenderfoot at this sort of thing. Now, then, what are you goin’ todoabout it? Will you hand out your wealth? or must I make meat of ye and then help myself?” I was tremblin’, and Town up.toit. Bob was gettin’ more and more spotted, ‘Speak up quick!” jest was what the feller requested, squintin’. ‘‘Great horned toads!” Bob went off. “If you will tell us how we are goin’ to fork over with our hands ’way up like this, mebby we kin ’blige ye, but every time we make a move to go down you holler fer us to go up, and it is plain as a bloomin’ blos- som ona jig-water plant that we can't do both!” ‘That's a plain statement of fact,” I wrung in my say-so. ‘‘ We don’t care a pistareen about leavin’ our bones here, and as you seem to have it all your own way I guess we had better fork over the du-dads. Am lL right, Bob?” And Bob allowed that I was more’n half right, anyhow, ‘ ‘« Wait, I'll fix that,” said the paper bag, and be stepped up to us, one gun Covering us both as night covers the earth about mid- night or thereabouts, and with the other hand he relieved usof our poppers. ‘‘ There, now godown and come up with your where- with, and you can ‘soon go On your way re- joicin’.” He stepped back, with that, and I took a new breath. Ihad been holdin’ the one l had, for that gun looked as likely to go off as not, and a little more so, and I felt the sweat a-standin’ out on my forehead as big as marbles, seemed to me. As fer Bob, seemed to me there wus nothing of him but spots, by this time. In fact, it was all one spot, and that spot was scare. Down we went, quicker than scat, and brought up our hard-earned dollars, which we forked over to that galoot grudgin’ly, and he stowed ’em away as if he had every moral right to’em. He certainly had the bulge on us, and the deadest cinch on our du-dads that you ever heard of. I had about a hun- dred rocks, and You-bet Bob had about the the same number of bones, with which we had expected to paint the town of Hold-up as lurid as a sunset. But, that paper bag took ’em all, not leav- in’ us even a two-bit piece for a whistle- wetter when we got to our destination, It was rough, I’m telling you. Maybe you have never been there, gentle reader, ee 0 matter bow brave you are, when the cold tube of a five-shooter looks you in the eye my word for it you are going to take water, or worse. I won’t say anything about my- self, but You bet Bob ain’t a coward by any means, and that feller made him pony up all the same as if he had been the tenderest ten- derfoot on the face of the earth; fact, sure as you live, “Ts that all you have got?” wanted to know the feller, then, when he had pocketed our piles, ‘Every blame cent,” said I. ‘*Yon have raised us our limit,” said You- bet. ' ‘‘Small change and all?” the paper bag wanted to make sure, ‘Every gosh hanged bit, from peso to penny,” declared You-bet, in solemn dead earnest. ‘ “All right, Dll take .your word for it this time,” said the paper bag. “If you have lied to me beware of the hereafter, for it is a sin to lie, as you must know.” __ ' With that, the cood Samaritan backed away from us, still keepin’ his gun aimed in no our direction and carrying our own with him in his other hand. “Say,” yauped You-bet, ‘‘ain’t you goin’ to leave us our tools of war?” ‘That's wWhat’s the matter,” I Foe a oa in. ‘‘¥Yes, I'll leave you them,” said the paper bag. ‘‘ You stay where ye are for five min- utes, by straight count, and you'll find ’em along the trail around the bend here when you come along.” And he kept on backin’ away, Boba grit- tin’ of his teeth and lookin’ all over one.spot of ‘‘mad,” and I doin’ all 1 could to keep from diggin’ my heels into my pony and dashin’ after that feller and takin’ the chances of a pill for my troubie, though 1 ain't a brave by any means, Jt was gallin’, I tell you. Well, that feller he backed away and away, tillhe came to the bend, and the very | last thing we seen of him was the hole in his gun lookin’ at us from around a big bowlder that stood thar at the bend. And then You-bet Bob began to swear, and he is aswearer, you bet! He is the most accomplished artist in that especial line that Arizona can show, and there area good many things in which she excels, of which that is ove, Ilet him do the swearin’ for us both, and when he let up to get his breath I chip- ped in ‘* Amen!” ‘Oy, what’s goin’ to he done?” said Bob, ‘‘Tlang me ef I know, Bob,” said I. ‘‘ We are clean broke,” said he. «‘That’s right,” said I. ‘‘No, be hanged if it is!” he yelled, with a special edition of swear words. ‘‘It’s dead wigag! ‘“We might as well tote back home, I reckon,” said I, ‘ We don’t want to ride into Hold-up strapped, do we? Not much of a good time without money, I opine. What say?” ““Nary a go back!” said Bob, choppin’ his teeth down hard, a way he has when he means a thing in dead earnest. ‘‘ We'll go on and do our paintin’ just the same, and if we git left it won't be my fault! Say, ain’t that five minutes about up?” ‘*T guess it is,” said I. : “*Then come on,” said he, and on we ambled. But we looked sheepish, I’m telling you. Just think of it! Two of us, big, strappin’ fellers, to be held upby a thing with a paper |_| bag over his head and looted in broad day- light— ‘Oh! it made us mad clear through and through! It did forafact. But, then, ~_ it was the gun that did the business; not the man, A gunisagun all the same,evenin the hands of a woman, and it will shoot just as hard, no matter who pulls it off. 4 | | . —<— Ree SS SS. See ' CHAPTER II. ROUND ON TRUST. __ sp et ‘WELL, we found our guns. That was one thing to the credit of the cuss in jthe aper bag; he hadn't lied tous on that score, _ Taybe he had a thought of the hereafter, — same as he told us, hod didn’t want tocom- — mit himself. No matter, we got the guns, oe When we rode into Hold-up it was geutley nigh onto feed trough time, and me and Bob were about as hungry as two bears and a © cub. But, there we were, without a ble cent to bless ourselves with, and we kno well enough they didn’t give fodder awa ’specially on a holiday, a ep re i ae in that camp, liday Rpt eh Ad sed ou-bet, ‘I’m all-gone hun- — ry. a tay. “Bob,” said I, heavin’ a sigh, “Tmw ss ’n that; Iam as dry asa desert, nigh-ab a ‘““Oy,” said he, fetchin’ a sigh that dis- — counted mine, ‘it’s onkind of you to men-_ tion it, I was tryin’ to fool at, stomach and make it believe that it was all hungry.’ | ‘Bob,” said I, sollum, ‘it ain’t no for you to try to ‘fool a stomach like your n, that knows the difference only too well, and you orter be ashamed of you pace iat cee ee hin he
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to try on any such measly trick. We have ot to have a bracer for dinner, and then a inner to brace us.” “TL opine you are two-thirds right,” said e. i ‘*T knowed I was,” said I. ‘ ‘Sehr goot!”’ yauped out the Dutchman. ‘“‘Begorra, it’s foine!” the Irishman, ‘* Allee samee bully!” the Chinee. And all the rest of them had something to say, in a way that ought to have made the landlord feel proud. I wondered if he wouldn't let that goas pay, and say no more about it. : Well, all things come to an end, and so did that treat, and the fellers began to get away from the bar, wipin’ ther months on their sleeves as they went, and I began to feel like as if a cold sweat was goin’ to break out all over me. Bob had made me responsible forthe round; I had ordered it. y I looked at Bob, but he was as cool as ice, and I wondered if he was goin’ to let me | stand and take the brunt, of ther hull busi- ness, but he guv me a wink that made me feel a little better, and I knowed that he must see some wayoutofit. Whatit was I could- n't see for the life of me, at that minute. ee ‘ed at me. And meanwhile all ther galoots was leavin’ the bar, and Samson was lookin’ as hard at me as if he was kalk’latin’ where he would begin to fix me out, The last man left the © bar, You-bet Bob didn’t move, and I had to, I put my hand into my pocket and sidled up; wonderin’ what kind of a lame excuse I was goin’ to make, when Bob acted. CHAPTER III. SILLY GILLY ARRIVES, ' “ Hold on thar, Cy!” Bob he sung out; ‘*this hyer was my treat.” He jammed his hand into his pocket, and made a break fur the bar, and I got on in a second, ** No, you don’t!” I hollered, wavin’ him back, ‘It is my treat, and I am goin’ to settle ther score. Your money ain’t no good here, You-bet Bob. Keep away now, I tell ye!” Bob got spotted, and made as if to crowd me out, actin’ if as purty as you ever seen in your life, and he is no slouch at actin’, you bet. ‘Your treat your grandmother!” he yaup- ‘*Tt was me asked up the house, and I leave it to the landlord if it wasn’t. You may jest as well getout and let me pay, for I am going to do it anyhow, and no stop- pin’ me. Landlord, ain’t it as I say?” **] thought ther other gent—” the landlord began, and I caught him out onthe fly. ** What did I tell ye?” 1 hollered. “It was my treat, aad you are not in it, You-bet Bob! Don’t ther landlord say it was? You kin do it next time, but this time I am in it right up to my chin. Youmightas well put up your money, for you can’t pay for what I order, you bet you can’t!” Put up his money! Bless you, reader, he couldn’t have put up a’cent if his life had pended on it! . **T say it was my treat!’ yauped Bob. “And I say it was mine!” I yauped back at him, oo ‘* Who first spoke of comin’ to this camp, _ anyhow?” he wanted to know. ‘It was me, that’s who, and when I ask a feller to go with me I expect to pay the cost of ther trip.” ee ‘« Ther same right hyer,” I hollered at him. **You didn’t ask me any more’n J asked you. Anyhow, you didn’t ask this crowd up to swill, and I ain’t goin’ to stand by and let you pay forit. See?” And I talked as tall asif 1 was goin’ to git up and howl. ‘*No use fightin’ about it, boys,” said Samson, who looked to me as big as an ele- phant, by that time. ‘‘One of you pan out the dust, no matter whieh, and then you can fix it up ’tween yourselves afterwards. Or, each of you pays half, that will make it so fair that there will be no room for either one — to do any kickin’. What is the use of a fuss?” ‘* That’s what I want ter know,” I chipped in right spot. ‘*And just what I want ter know, too,” © You-bet follered my lead. \ **T don’t “low nobody to pay half on my treat,” I topped on top o’ that. wal **And I pay all or I doa’t pay nothin’, that’s the kind of a rooster I am,” capped Bob. And thar we wur, deadlocked, and that landlord a-gapin’ hard at us for his ducats for the round, and neither one of us worth the price of one dose, let alone ther hull blame __ . p’scription, ‘What are you goin’ to do about it?” he. asked. oe if “LT ll pay, on course,” said I; ‘Here’s your mon,” said Bob, ¢ both said it at oncet, and both madeas ~ - if to draw our hands out of our pockets, but we was watchin’ each other the same as if we was goin’ to draw our guns and wadein, . “i to do damage. mee e
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a 4 Circus. You-Bet Bob’s ‘You might as well give et up,” said he. And we said that both to oncet, too, and the crowd around was beginnin’ to git inter- ested in et, to see which would come out on top and ‘win the trick. Bless ye, it was a trick we was both interested in, jest at that time, I’m tellin’ ye. But the mildew had gone to my head some, and | had lost all my scare, now. ‘I'll see you further first,” I hollered. , ** And I'll see you further’n that,” he hol lered. **7’m goin’ to pay this bill,” said I. ‘*7’m goin’ to pay it myself,” said he. ‘You won't, not much!” and I bristled up as I said it, **T wili, or I'll know the reason why!” and he bristled up, too, : **T’ll see,” said I. ** You will?” yauped he, ‘Yes, I will!” I yauped back. We stepped up close, and it looked bad. ‘* Well, that’s what you will, fer I’m goin’ © **You know better when ye say it,” I told im. He had to laugh, at that, and I laughed, too, “bh hearty; and that took all the ’pear- ance of mad out of it, and the landlord look- ed better. And just at that blessed minnit the gong sounded fer dinner, and the land- lord said: ‘* Well, boys, never mind; there’s dinner, and maybe you kin come to some kind of terms before you get out again. I ain’t in no hurry, where I know it is good, so don’t spill no blood over it.” ‘“‘ [ll pay it after dinner, then,” said I. ‘*T’ll pay it after dinner, shur,” said Bob. And in we marched to the feed trough, and planted ourselves at that part of the spread where the truck looked most invitin’, and there we began to root in a way that would have made hogs hang their heads with shame. ‘‘How was that?” You-bet whispered to me, while we stuffed. ‘That was good,” said I; ‘‘but how is this? Without money and without price, b’gosh hed ** He’ll kill us,” Bob just opined. “No he won’t,” I prophesied, “Why not?” ' “© Oause we owe him, now. We'll be treated like lords, you see if we ain’t, I feel a heap betterthanI did.” _ ‘Hope you are right,” he said. ‘He is too big a feller fer me to tackle, and we wouldn’t stand no show hyer iu a strange amp if we both went fer him. We have got to play nice,” ‘*T leave that to you,” said I. All right,” said be. “‘Let me sample that yan dish,” said he, p'intin’ with his knife. “IT will, ef you let me sample that yan one,” said I, also p’intin’ with my knife. We both rounded up the dishes in ques- tion, and when we had sampled thar wasn’t but a sample left for the next feller, I’m tell- in’ ye. Bob scooped about half off onto his plate, and me ditto, . ane ' By the way, dear reader, this hyer trail is a good deal plainer sence I heaved Webster into the corner and startedinalone. Webster . is allright in his place, no doubt, in perlite sassiety, but he can’t git down to the meat of’ the matter in describin’ a holiday in a howlin’ Southwestern camp, you bet! Well, we filled in to kill, my pard and me, and. by the time we had done we had also bit we hol a further plan to stand off the land- tant Ont 7 » oe if- ~ ees , nS rr | f ' ) be! 80) end of the room, his money, landlord!” that way in about two steps, but Bob had time to whisper: ‘‘I1] sneak in and pay when he ain’t lookin’.” And the’ landlord nodded. ‘* No, you don’t!” I yauped out. ‘I am goin’ to pay this damage myself. Iam doin’ things to-day, you bet!” ‘* Well, you kin bet you ain’t then,” said Bob. ‘*I am goin’ to pay this, or it won’t be paid, that’s all. Come along o’ me, and take a seat on ther peeazzy till yer dinner settles.” I started with him, with a wink to ther landlord, but ’fore I got to the door, I turned back, sayin’: ‘*By ther way, landlord,” free and eas like, ‘‘have you got a pipe and ’baccy thar handy? Left minein my other clothes when I changed.” ‘* Why, shur,” said the landlord, and he produced them forthwith. And as I went back to get ’em my pard hollered out that he had his eye on me and warned me not to pay that bill. I didn’t pay it, but I whispered to the landlord like Bob had done: ‘‘ ’ll pay when he ain’t lookin’.” And then I filled my pipe and went out to the peeazzy, and thar me and pard spread ourselves as much as if we owned the hull blame shebang amd a slice of the camp besides. While we was spreadin’ like aforesaid, me on the best chair with my feet on the rail, and You-bet standia’ on the ground jest in front, with his elbows restin’ on the rail, what should come along up ther street but the. consarnedest lookin’ combination you ever sot eyes on in your life. It was a little bit of a rolv-poly burro, and a-straddle of it was somethin’ that looked like a cross ’tween a orp yahoo and a nat’ral born howlin’ ijjit. ‘Don’t you take a cent of And I waltzed over CHAPTER IV. TIED TO A BURRO’S HIND END. ‘*Cy,” said my pard, ‘‘ what is et?” ‘* Bob,” I answers, ‘‘I can’t name et, fera fact.” There wur only two or three on the peeaz- zy besides us, just then. All ther rest of the galoots wur inside. ° Straight up to the steps of the peeazzy ther critter pranced, its floppin’ in and out at every jump, like as if he had to straddle to keep his feet from strikin’ the ground. He didn’t clear the ground by a good ways, that’s straight, That burro didn’t look a bit bigger'n a full-grown rabbit. But no mat- ter; up he pranced, as aforesaid, right plumb up to ther steps, and thar he stopped, and that burro jest braced his feet and looked my pard in the eye. ‘Knows ye, Bob,” I had to asseverate. ns Seems to, you’re right,” Bob had to ad- mit. And we hadn’t no more’n said so, when that burro let out one of ther most by-goshed- est brays that you ever heard of in your life, right sraight into Bob’s face, and I had to laugh if Bob killed me for et the next minu- ute; couldn't help it, ye understand. And Bob, he sort 0’ got spotted back of his cars, as I could see from whar I sot. And that wasn’t all, either; the rider of that burro put his hand up to his mouth and let out a yaup that was second only to the bray of ther burro, ‘‘ Hello-oo-oooh!” he bellered, and blame me ef I didn’t expect ter see ther shattered welkin that poets sigh about come down in fragments all over ther surroundin’ vicinity, so to’put et, what with the bray of the burro | and that beller out of the ridertogether. “Sa-ay, what’s bitin’ ye?” demanded Bob, rto’raspy. : Net (Oy gue But that loonytick didn’t answer; he let rider’s legs a- fer another left, and down up into posish by ay out another beller, and ther burro heaved up another awful bray straight at my pard, as before, I was laffin’ ready to kill, by that time. I had taken my feet down off'n their perch on ther rail, and was huggin’ one foot across t’other knee, Ther crowd was pourin’ out of ther bar room. ‘*‘T'll make ye do that ag’in, blast ye!” said Bob, and he ups with his hoof and kicked that burro one right under ther jaw. Ther critter launched back and epened its mouth at him in a way that made me think my - pard’s head was goin’ to be snapped off close to ther stump. ‘‘Do et erg’in if ye dar’!” yauped Bob, ‘tand see ef I don’t jump clean down yer blasted throat— Yaou-aou-aouch |” ; That awful, fetchin’ yell meant somethin’ else. : I had been huggin’ one foot across t’othe knee, as aforesaid, The crowd was heavin’ out of the bar-room skelter-helter, lrishman, Swede, nig and all. Well, that Chinaman, Hong-Kong they called him, he snagged himself onto that foot I was huggin’, and away he went, end over teakittle! I was startin’ to laff at him, when blame me ef that, heathen Chinee) didn’t topple clean over ther rail and come down with his head plunk onto my pard’s pet corn! That was what fetched ther yell out of Bob and cut short what he was sayin’ at ther . minute, “Dol-buekle your yaller hide!” You-vet yelled, grabbin’ up his injured hoof in his hands and dancin’ a hornpipe one legged. ‘What d’ye mean by buckin’ onto my corns in that sort 0’ fasbion?” ‘*Me allee samee no go to do,” the Chinee proceeded to ’pollygize, as be tried to git on- to his pins; but that didn’t do fer my pard. What did Bob do but tet go of his foot, grab that Chinee by ther pig-tail, and in two holy seconds he had tied that pig tail to ther tail of ther burro, close up! Then thar was fun, you bet! That bloomin’ yahoo, meantime—though thar hadn’t been a good deal of the meantime about it, he had keptright on a-belleria’, and nobody knowed up ter date what he was a- bellerin’ about. “Hi-yi! Hully yow-yow chow!” yauped that Chinee, or words to that effect. ‘Me be killee, me be killee!” ‘‘And sarve ye blame right ef ye sire!” yelled my pard. ‘‘ Mebby ye will look whar ye are a-divin’ next time! Thatis all a blame. Chinee is good fur, anyhow, b’gosh!” That burro had jest wakened up to ther fact that somethin’ was goin’ on behind his back, so tosay.. He looked around, with his pleasant expression of counternance, and ; when he took in ther situashun you orter seen the smile that played around his mouth, kee Ther yahoo, too, stopped his bellerin’ to see what was in ther wind, and he was jest in time to find out. Ther burro looked ~ t’other way, stretched his neck, braced his fore legs, and up went his rear portions like = as if the earth had suddently exploded under himand sent him flyin’. GreatGoshun! but — et was laffable, I tell ye! Sees Ther yahoo, not prepared fer et, went — straight over ther burro’s head onto ther — steps in a way that ’most dislocated his back r in a dozen places; ther Chinee, in ther man ner aforesaid, was tied jest close enous so that the rearin’up of ther burro’s end jerked him nicely into posish, and th two hind hoofs of that burro -took him fair and square on that part of of his ’natomy that nature intended fer kickin’ purposes. Et was ’musin’, now Itellye! : Down kem that burro’s somes yl em Chinee. ankin’ the Chi g-tail nice as could eee fds eee went burro’s hind en a Yi? aa
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be, and then them two hind feelers wur planted square onto the right spot again, and the way that Chinee did yell was a caution to cats! ‘* Hi-hi! yi-yi! Chun-a-chin-a-lung-a-kong- a-long-a-lunk-a!” or words to about the same tune, he bellered. ‘‘Save me! save me! Me allee samee be blame soon killed, you bettee! ' Ki-yi! ki-yi! ’Melican man stoppee him!” But, by that time my pard was like me, laffin’so hard that he couldn’t do anything but hug his sides. It was enough ter make a sick dorg laff! ' Jt was up burro, up Chinee; and every kick fetched the heathen clear of the ground and fairly made his heels snap together—his sandals had been snapped off ther very first kick. And then it was down burro, down Chinee, and then up again so lightnin’ quick that it ’most made my head swin. I bet that burro was kickin’ at the rate of twenty kicks to ther second. Mebbe it wasn’t so many, but et looked so. And glory only knows whar et would ended ef it adn't been fer ther yahoo. By that time he had gathered himself to- . gether, so to say, and had got a dozen or so , » Of taer kinks out of his back. *“Whoap!” he piped, in a high falsetter | voice. ‘*Whoap, Tobias!” And he grabbed holt of ther burro’s off ear and ther critter was as meek as a lamb in a moment—so was ther Chinee, When ther motion ceased to mote any more, poor Hong-Kong went down allina heap by ther burro’s hind heels, and thar he laid, in a dead faint more or less, and I opine et was ’siderable more than less. Then - my pard seized the golden opportunity to un- hitch him. ‘‘ Be a ’minder to him not to step onto my corns with his head no more,” You-bet growled. “You'll be hanged for manslather, Bob,” said T. ‘* Blazes!” bellered Bob. ‘‘I didn’t do et; et was ther burro!” ‘* You hitched ’em to,” I explained. ‘But I didn’t do ther kickin’,” he apoler- gized. ' * ** No matter, it’s all the same on you!” **Et does matter, too,” said he. ‘‘ But, oe you worry, Cy; ther heathen ain't dead vit,” i Sure enough, he wasn’t; but I ’pine et wouldn't tooken but two kicks and a half more to made him deader’n a stone Injunina «aye dweller’s mound; he was more’n haff dead. “Py chinger! dot vas tough!” exclaimed ‘ther Dutchman, pityingly. ‘* Never seen a Chinee that wasn’t tough,” *sponded Bob, off-hand. ‘‘It is hard matter to kill’em, Dutcher.” : ‘‘Begorra, Oi would want none av it in mine!” chipped in the Irishman, a ruther sandy feller he seemed to be, too. ‘‘ Oi be- lave it would ’ve killed me outright, so Oido.” _ ‘It would maak ya yump, Aa bet,” ob- -sarved ther Swede, in his B flat way of mur- _ derin’ English, _ ** Ther burro did ther jumpin’,” said my _ pard, off-hand. _** Why, it’s Silly Gilly!” suddenly exclaim- ed ther landlord of ther shebang, who had 3 qr then got out, owin’ tosome delay. ‘It’s __ Silly Gilly and his burro, boys, sure enough?’ __** Wull we know that,” said some feller, _ speakin’ fer ther crowd. *‘‘Tell us some- thin’ we don’t know, Samson. . Everybody knows Silly Gilly, ther butt of ther Buttes, we sh’u’d reckon ter opine. But, what's ther matter with him, that is ther thing we want rhear. Didn’t yer git onto ther way he a hollerin’?” ; CHAPTER V. «BOB TACKLES A BUCKER. As don’t take pag is our Southwestern to turn from ng to another, you =~ r tine 5 You-Bet Bob’s Circus. They kin do that trick. about as handy as they kin assemble at a bar at a call to swill, or congregate at ther feed-trough when ther alarm goes forth that dinneris ready. Ther poor Chinee havin’ got onto his pins, and ambled off by that time, one hand holdin’ ther place whar his cue was rooted fust, and the other restin’ ’fectionately on ther part whar ther burro had done most damage, ther crowd was ready ter learn what ther yahoo had ter offer, Dye notice, dear reader, how much slicker Iam gettin’ along sence I heaved Webster into ther corner? Spellin’ and all that is all right, no doubt, when you are gettin’ down to fine writin’; but for plain sailin’, ’spéciall when you set out to tell a story like this, believe in goin’ it alone. You will notice that I am jest gittin’ warmed up to my sub- ick, too. & SH, Silly Gilly, as they called him, was holdin’ his burro by one ear, and looked as if he had suthin’ on his mind. my pard guv me ther nudge. ** Wasn't that tall, Cy)” he asked. ‘* Tall as a horse, Bob, sure ’nuff!” I had to admit. ** And ain't we havin’ fun!” ‘* Dead oceans of et!” ‘* And more a-comin’, I fee] et in my bones!” exponed You-bet, lowerin’ one eye at me. * All right, Bobbert,” said I; ‘‘I am ready fer a rt that comes, now, after that din- ner. But, what's ther yahoosayin’?” ‘* Robber?” demanded ther landlord. ‘* Yes, sir,” said ther yahoo, shakin’ his head sollum and lookin’ wild, ‘‘ a robber; and he tuck allithe money I had. ** Whar was he?” some feller asked him. “Not a haff a mile out o’ camp,” he an- swered. ‘‘He can’t be far off, and mebby you kin ketch him.” The crowd laughed. **Oh! it ain't nothin’ to laff at!” ther yahoo blatted. ‘‘He took all ther money I had, and that’s the reason that I kem right here quick’s I could, thinkin’ mebbe you would help me!” The crowd laughed ther more. | ‘*Help ye, Gilly?” said one feller. ‘‘ What do you think you could do to’rds ketchin’ a robber?” ‘‘T mean to do it, whether you help me or not,” the yahoo declared. *‘ That robber got every cent I had, ’most fuur dollars, and now Ican’t buy no dinner and no bite fer my bur- be Really, I thort he was ‘aed fo ery. I felt sorry fer him, and I knowed Bob did by the spots ‘hind his ears. ‘Say, sonny, what fer a feller was he?” asked my pard, as brash as you please, seein’ we'd seen him. “He was tallish,” said ther yahoo, “and had a paper bag over his head with holes poked in so’s he could see, and he had a gun = big as my arm—or anyhow it seemed to e ” ‘*Ther same feller, b'gosh!” said Bob. I could ‘a’ killed him on ther spot, by mighty! One o’ my eyes rolled over in my head and took a squint at ther landlord. Glory! he looked as big as a monumence, and he was lookin’ at my pard in a way that mace my blood run cold to see. I thought we was in fer it, sure as you are born. “Did you see him?” Mr. Samson demand- I seen my pard swoller a lump in his throat, but he came right up to ther scratch with his answer. ** You-bet we seen him!” he said, That is a pet word with him, you bet; that is why he is called by that purty name. 1 have been with him so long, too, that I am sort 0’ ketchin’ it meself. ** And did he try to hold you up?” Samson ‘asked, borin’ holes clear through Bob with his eyes. My pard guv a stort o° a pride, and seemed ter grov a hull inch taller. . Sete ye ee look. like a pair ov yaks that could be held up and gone through by one man? We have a couple o’ guns apiece hyer, and I opine he would find et warm weather jest about that time o’ day; bey, Cy?” ‘*T should go sneeze ef he wouldn't,” I had to agree. ‘* We seen him, as I said,” Bob continner- ed, ‘‘but ther last we seen of him he was backin’ off around a bowlder, and our guns was in his direction, you bet! We'd ’a’ shot ther hull blame head off him!” ‘** Ef we had got ther chance,” I putin, in my mind. - **Too bad that you didn’t do it, too,” said Samson. ‘‘ This ain't ther first case of ther kind.” ‘* What?” and my pard was surprised, in appearance, “Tsay it ain’t ther first case of ther kind. He is first hyer and then thar and nobody has been able to git ther drop on him yet. Don’t ye know there is a reward out fer him?” “* Sho! is that so?” ‘*Itis, fer a dead certain fact.” ‘*Cy, why didn't we know that?” my pard asked, turnin’ to me. I had a blame good noshun to floor him right thar on ther ground, ef sech a mixed statement will pass. No time now toconsult Web. As if tt would ’a’ done us any good if thar had been a million dollars on his head, ‘Why didn’t we, Bob!” [ exclaimed back athim. ‘‘It could as well been our boodle as not—that is ter say, ef it is fer him dead or alive. It waslong range, ye know.” ‘* Yes, he didu’t give us no fair show,” said ob. I said ‘‘ Amen,” in my mind. ‘¢ But, landlord, what’s ter be done about this chap that ain’t got no wherewith to come in fer a feed?” asked Bob, jerkin’ his thumb at Silly Gilly. 2 “‘That’s no funeral o’ mine, is it?” said Samson. ‘‘What do you say about et, Cy?” turnin” tome. ‘Shall 1 order him a show at ther feed-trough?” ‘*Shur!” said I, prompt enough. ‘‘ Land- lord, give ther boy a bite, and I'll settle with e—” 5 ‘No yer don’t!” said Bob, pickin’ me right up at that pint. ‘I am doin’ this—” ‘‘No yer ain’t!” said I, pickin’ him off. ‘‘This is my say-so, and you want to keep out, see? Landlord, feed him, and add its" “Yas, feed him, and add it to my ’count,” Bob picked me off. ‘‘I'll see to settlin’—in fact, might as well pay in advance,” puttin’ his haat deep in his pocket in make be- lieve. but before I could pull et out again, ey pard pulled a gun with his other hand, and I pull- ed one with my otber hand, and thar we was, deadlocked as dead as you ever seen in your it? ‘* Ttell ye your money ain't no good hyer!” said Bob. , good hyer!” said I, ‘*T’ll pay it in spite of ye!” said Bob. ** And I'll pay it in spite of you!” said I. “‘Then he will be paid double!” said Bob, ‘** Double let et be, then!” sez I. nod and a wink, and while he was doin’ that 1 motioned that it would be all right, and ther landlord was better pleased ’n if he had had ther money in hand. Wand I'll give men’s say-so.”’ ** But, my burro?” said Gilly. “* We'll see to him,” said my “Oh, yes; we'll see to him,” yea fodder on these gentle- Panted, ‘*Sa-ay, ‘look heer,” he drawled, ‘‘do we - ‘*Shur!” said I, jammin’ in my ‘hand, too, _ life, and what was goin’ to be done about — ‘And ] tell you that your money ain't no © My pard turned and guy ther landlord a ‘Come along, then,” says he to ther yahoo, — bad
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6 You-Bet Bob’s Circus. That satisfied ther yahoo, and he follered ther landlord in, and as soon as he was out of sight my pard lighted onto that burro’s back, . Glory! of all ther puckin’ I ever seen ip my ” life, that burro done ther wu’st, just then. Never seen ther like of it! Hedoubleaup in ther middle till he was nuthin’ buta sharp pint on top, and on top o’ that pint was my pard, Then he would come down all siand- in’, as if he was tryin’ to jam himself cl’ar through my pard and come out st ther top. But, my pard was game, and ther burro soon found that he couldn't onseat him that way, so ther next dodge he tried was to bolt, and he done that to perfection. He shot off like a ball out of a gun, and thar was Bob right in therair. But, he didn’t stay thar; that ain’t ’cordin’ to ther plans of his natur’; he was soon settin’ on ther ground as hard as if he had designed to implant or imprint his sign manuel thar fer future generations to admire. [ ain't poetical; I simply soar semi- occasionally. In plain lingo, he kem down with a force that ’most killed the life outen him, ba a é CHAPTER. VI. MAKING DUTCHER TAKE A LESSON, | “Bos, what ye doin’ thar?” I yauped at | him. ‘* You mind your own business, wull ye!” | he growled at me. “That is what I most gen’ly sometimes do, ain’t it, pardner?” said I. “You want to be doin’ it just about now, if you ever did,” he glowered my way. Ye see, ther crowd was laflin’ at him, and that was what made him so sour about the way he had been dumped on ther ground. He now, got onto his pins. ‘‘Mebby thar is some other galoot hyer would like ter try et?” he gently hinted at ’em. And the way he kept on glowerin’ sort o’ made most of ’em lait less than before. Meantime—though thar hadn't been much meantime about it—but I meun what little thar bad been, that burro had stopped run- nin’ off, had turned, and had ambled gently back to ther startin’ p’int and-stood thar waitin’ fer somebody else to tackle ther job. Nobody seemed to want to ’cept Bob’s in- vite. He turned onto me. “Don’t you want to take a ride, pard?” he | asked me ‘ “‘Notany. Ithank ye!’ said]. ‘It isa heap more fun seein’ other folks ride.” * Oh! is it?” . - You bet!” ‘‘Yaw, yaw, dot vas righdt,” Dutchman, whose name, by the way, we had got onto as Fritz Noodle, and who was find- in’ it hard to keep his Jaugh down, ‘‘it peen sehr goot fun to seen you ride, mister.” ‘«Ther doose yer say!’ said Bob. ‘Yaw, yaw,” ther Dutcher. I knowed what was comin’, and ther Dutcher found out ther next minute. ‘Enjoyed et, did ye?” said my pard. ‘Yaw, yaw, you bet!” ‘*All right; 1 don’t mind havin’ sume of that fun myself,” said my pard, in dead earnest, and he pulled a gun—not really for publication, as et war, as papers puts et, but as a guar— grau— gran— ..Ob! ther mis- chief, spell it for yourselves; you know what +I mean, anyhow. Ter show that he meant biz That Dutcher sort o’ got white round ther ills. ’ a Git aboard!” said my pard, ‘«Mine gootness!”’ cried Fritz. ‘‘ I vas nefer on a bony in mine life!” _ “Thar ain’t no pony about this feller,” said Bob. ‘He is only a burro, and not much a burro at that. Git aboard, I tell ye!” His gu and Dutcher looked like a clean gone loony- tick, so skart.he was. His knees knocked to: ‘ gether, and 1 could read a wish in his off eye | said, the | ¢ n took a look at the Dutcher’s nose, | that he was away back in the wilderness of his beloved fatherland about that minute. ** Gott-vor-tammerung!” he gasperated, or somethin’ that sounded like that, anyhow. “*J peen killed, sure like my name vas Fritz Noodle! ** You'll be killed if you don’t, shur pop!” my pard yauped at him. Everybody around was a-grinnin’ from ear to ear, ‘*But, I can’t ride!” ther Dutcher pleaded. “Now is yer time to l’arn, then,” advised Bob. ‘“* Yaw, but I no vants to know; I hafe no use vor & baby mule, anyhow. Let some- pody else—*‘ ‘*Nary a body else,” Bob chopped him off short. ‘‘ You are ther galoot what’s got ter take ther first lesson. Not want to ride? Gosh-a-mity! that is one of ther ’complish- ments 0’ fine art, ridin’ is, ’specially a buck- in’ burro.’ You don’t know what a golden opperchunity you ar’ lettin’ slip, my friend. But, et won't git away; I have got a cinch onto it and J’ll hold etfor ye. Come, now, into that ’ar saddle with yer ponderosity, or I’ll let sunshine in through a hole in her ker- kiss!” Bob looked awful shoot as he said it, and ther poor Dutcher fairly shook in his breeches, He was a short feller, with little legs, but he had a corpus as round asa plum dumplin.’ In fact, he and that thar burro looked some- thin’ alike, save that ther beast had ther most ears. ‘*Mein Gott! mein Gott!” ther Dutcher howled. ‘‘Id vas better 1 peen dead vor I vas porn, ain’dtid? I peen dead now, any- ways, sure like I vas alive! Blease, good mister, don’dt make me go near der beast; I peen killed vor I gets me half-vay on him, I know I vas!” ae git a go on you!” bellered my ard, Down on his knees dropped ther Dutcher, and ther crowd jest let loose ina wild hooray ov Jaffter. ‘‘Sbare me, sbare me!” ther poor devil whined most pichus ter behoid, ‘‘Id vas pedder you put a millstone mein neck aroundt, ain'dt id, ond fling me der puddle in, maybe. Sbare me, oh, sbare me! Dink of mein oldt | mutter in der vatterlandt, und sbare me!” My pard was bustin’ with laff all over, | cept in his face. ‘t That is jest what I am thinkin’ about,” he hollered. ‘‘ What will she think of a son ; like you that has come cl’ar out to Arryzony ! and can’t 1idea burro? You have got ter take yer fu’st lessing, and that settles et! : Hither that, or your poor old mutter in der vatterlandt will receive tidin’s uv yer demise. Come, now, git up out uv that, and be a man!” As he said so, You-bet stepped for’d and poked ther nose of his gun right plunk into ther Ducher’s ear, and he got up in a mighty hurry, I'm tellin’ ye. By that time ther was a tremenjus crowd around. Dinner was done with all over ther | camp, and ther citerzens was assemblin’ fer ther spordof ther afternoon, We heard said they had had a red hot time durin’ ther fore- noon with racin’ ponies and shootin’. Meantime—what little thar had been of et, that thar burro had been standin’ thar as pa- shunt as ary statyur, waitin’ fer its master ter putin Lis appear. ; We were ‘sponsible fer et, my pard ’nd me, Up got ther Ducher, as I aforesaid, and ther ’lacrity with which he got over to whar that burro was waitin’ fer him was curus to behold. His short legs took steps faster’n any body could count. ‘*Sbare me, oh! sb—” : ‘Up with ye!” thundered my pard. Ther Dutcher bad paused to turn his plead- in’ eyes ‘pon Bob at ther last minnit, but my pard hadu’t no heart of flesh in his buzzum Si oF RT just then. It was stone, dead, cold, hard, adymantine stone, Noodle grabbed hold uv ther burro by ther brash ov his neck, and my pard grabbin’ him by ther tepee ov his britches, up he went and belly-flopped across ther back ov ther beast in a way ter make a sick dog laff. And thar he hung, waitin’ to be i1anched off in ther direction ov eternity. Would ye _ believe et, that burro never budged, My pard looked wild in ther eyes, and | he grabbed that Dutcher off and told him to git on right. By that. time, seein’ that he was still alive and that ther burro was still alive too but hadn’t flopped him, Fritz had a little more sand in his craw, and he obeyed lively. Up he got again, my pard givin’ him a little help same as beforesaid, and that time he got aboard all right. That seemed to be what ther burro nad been waitin’ fer. No sooner was Dutcher straddle ov him than he picked up his ears in a lively fashion, then flirted Lis tail, and ther next fraction of a second ther Dutcher went skyward a-kitin’! You'd ’a’ died a laffin’, dear reaaer, ef you had been thar. By ther way, see how much ‘nicer I’m trippin’ along sence me and Web, parted company? As ther feller went up he turned a complete summer- sult, right over ther burro’s head, and down he kem kerplunk, like a bu’sted punk- in. That was what et sounded like and hang me fer a fiddler ef I didn’t think he was bu’sted fer a fack! Thar was ther burro, as innercent as ary lambkin, and thar was” Fritz, all in a bundle like a dumplin’, and thar was ther crowd laffin’ ready to split their s’penders. And thar was my pard, standin’ with his gun ready to enforce more fun. “That was purty good, Fritz.” he comply- mented. ‘* Want ter try et again? I think ye better had.” ** Nein! nein!” ther Dutcher be!lered. ‘‘ Ich habe genug! Ich habe es nicht sebr gern! Ich bin in einen Frosch verwaideit! Donner und blitzen! mein backbone mus! be jammed * clear out der crown mein hat, ain't id?” I suppose my pard would have carried it further, but just then somebody hollered out to git ready for a sack-race that was down on ther program, and my pard put up his gun and guv me ther wink, sayin’ that we would have to go inter that, no mistake. We was thar fer fun, or as near to et as we could git, CHAPTER VII. WE ENTER A SACK-RACE, ‘* Cy,” said my pard, “‘ this hyer is rich,” ** Et’s gittin’ ripe, Bob,” sez I. don’t ferget ther landlord.” At mention ov that, Bob’s jaw dropped a, little, and he looked spotted fer a minnit, rollin’ one eye to see whar Samson was at. But he soon recovered, seein’ that ther — f landlord was laffin’ ready to bu’st himself and lookin’ as harmless as ary kitten— ruther a baby elephant, fer he hadn’t got no ap smaller in my sight. ‘We'll have ter handle him wi’ gloves,” “ It oy said I. , ‘*T leave all that ter you,” said Bob. was you ordered ther drinks, and he will look. to you.” 'e f 4 BGG hat was onkind ov Bob, but then Ae knowed he didn’t mean ct—leastways I thought ‘he didn’t. We had been pards, too long fer me to think of his goin’ back on me: like that, ie i ‘* But et was you told me to,” I ’torted. © ‘That don’t matter,” said he. _ ‘Sides, you et one of ther dinners,” added. * | ; eee Sone “T kin heave et up to him, ef he wants:
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TS) =e bid hier, ey: Ve " Poy, oe idl sure: pop! now, anyhow.” ** Look out he don’t make ye surrender what ye et fer breakfast, too,” said I, by way of warnin’. ‘‘Ef ye see him tackle me fer pay, don’t ferget to forbid my payin’,” I added. ‘* Ditto here,” said Bob. We understood. ** And hyer’s this hyer burro we promised that yahoo we'd look out fer,” I ’minded, ‘“That’s so, b'gosh!’’ said Bob. ‘ Hey, landlord, let somebudy take this mouse around to ther stables and give et a feed, wull ye? Charge et up with that galoot’s dinner and—” ** And I'll pay ye,” I flung in. “Ther doose ye wull!” said Bob. ‘*That’s what I’m-hyer fer,” said I. “We'll see about that,” said Bob. know me, landlord!” Glory! ef he hadn't brass enough to make a brazen sarpent, then I'ma liar! And that landlord seemed ter swoller et all at one gulp, fer he ordered a feller to see to ther burro. I guv him another wink when “Ved 30b . wasn’t lookin’, to keep up my end of ther business, Ther burro was tooken off all right. . Right hyer let me say a good word fer that camp ov Hold-up. Ov all ther jolly crowds you ever seen in your life, thar ct was. Everybody bad had a big dinner, and topped it off with somethin’ ticklin’, and some had been tickled more’n oncet, by their looks, They wur bent on havin’ a big time, now I’m tellin’ ye. Wull, they got out a lot of big bags, big enough ter hold a mule, they looked ter be, and then a feller hollers: ‘* Now, then, who enters fer ther sack-race? Don’t all speak ter oncet, but don’t all hang back, either. It’s open free to all that comes, and a prize to ther winner!” “‘That’s me,” said Bob. | ‘Et’s me too,” said I, “Hello!” cried ther feller, just then, ‘*hyer’s Silly Gilly; he will want a sack, Come along, Gilly, and take yer sy ov ther lot, and be their first galoot in e ” Ther yahoo had jest come out from din- ner, and he had ther most satisfied look on his mug that you ever seen in your born days. His vest was bulgin’ so that every button on et was strained to its utmost hold- in’ power, or looked to be at fu’st blush. He looked around, j ** Whar is Tobias?” he piped. ‘* We had him tooken keer of, same as we promised,” said my pard, with a jerk of ther thumb to include me in it, I had a sneakin’ suspicion that he done that because ther landlord was lookin’, and I noticed that he said WE in a good round tone, like as if it was writ in big letters to be vrinted. : ‘* Much ’bliged to ye,” said ther fool, with a duck ov ther head at us, ‘‘and much *bliged too fer ther dinner,’ he tacked on, smackin’ his chops and rubbing his belly. -- “That was ther best feed 1 ever had in my life, no mistake. If I had my four dollars, now, I'd be happy.” ; ‘*Never mind ther four dollars,” called - out ther boss of sarymonies; ‘ we offer a - five-dollar prize to ther winner of this hyer race, and you are bound to win et ef ye try hard. Come right along, Gilly, and show _ ther boys what ye kin do; you ain’t no slouch in a race, I’m bettin” hard rocks. _ hat’s ther ticket; come right erlong and rae “ig these hyer other galoots, : e , ” : _ Billy Gilly, grinnin’ from ear to ear like a how ter do key, ambled down and made his pick ov er 8. : sary body else grinned ter see him grin. Mebby et was that five dollars that filled Tun much [ thought, No matter; be got into nif sack, and that feller tied et ¢glose up around his neck jist under ther ears. and thar he was, nice as you please, but what sort of a run he was goin’ to make I couldn’t see. I half backed out, on ther spot. But my pard didn’t; ob, no! That wasn’t You-bet's style. He would ’a’ gone in et ef it had cost Lim a leg. He made his pick of ther sacks and got into et, and then he Jooked around ter see what L was doin’, and seein’ that I hadn't made a move yet, he hollered out at me: ‘*What’s ther matter, Cy? Not backin’ out, I hope? Git a go on ye, and git yer sack before they ar’ all tooken! Think of that five dollars!” That was the last straw, so ter speak; I thought of et, and went fer my sack, That seemed ter break the ice fer the rest of ’em, sorter like, and there was then a general scramble to git one of ther things, 1 s'pose thar was a good round fifty of ‘em, mebby more and mebby less, and when they all got filled I tell ye et wasa sightly sight ter see, I felt more or less ’shamed ov myself, in mine, and wanted ter go and hide my head, If | could pulled et down through ‘her pucker-string ov that sack, I'd ’a’ done et quicker! Bob looked at me and larft right out. I larft at him, too, out ov ’venge fer his laffin’, ae Cy,” look like?” ‘“‘[ reckon I look like you,” said I. **Wull, said he, ‘ef [ look like you do I won't mention et, nohow, 1 was goin’ to say you look like the devil!’ ‘TI can’t say,” said I, ‘not havin’ his *quaintance.” ‘‘Aud I don't want et, ef he looks any wuss’n you do,” was whut he ’torted at me. “How dye feel?” he quired. “Sort o’ puckered,” said J. “T don't know nothin’’bout that feelin’,” said I. ; ““Wull, et’s like you feel natchurly,” said he. ‘I notice et’cause et’s new to me.” “Td bang yer eye,” said I, ‘‘ef I had ther use of my mawlies.” ‘‘Lucky fer ye that ye ain’t, then,” said aid he, ‘‘d’ye know what you he. That way we bantered while the master jigger of ther ’casion was formin’ ther racers in line, and at last he bad us all ready, straight as a string, and then he told us to git ready Be ap. I was about as ready as I'd ever be, I reckoned, Bob looked even more so, ’specially be- i ther ears, whar he looked some spot- ted, ‘- Now, then, when I count ten,’ said ther boss, and he began ter count in a slow, straight, steady tone that made me think of oe evil deed that I had ever done in my life, Seemed to meas if we was all stood up thar to be shot at. Ty Go!” Ther word kem like a thunderbolt, fer all we was waitin’ fer et, and et fairly parrylized me fer a second, Thar I stood, like ary blame fool, while all ther rest went off like a lot o’ skaré jack rab- bits, and as soon as I got my grit I[ started too, but I didn’t goa great long ways, I’m tellin’ ye. Ye see, I hadn’t never tried that sort ov. thing before, and didn’t know anything about et, and I forgot ther sack and tried to in ther usual fashion, but it wouldn’t work: Over I went, and scooped up a bar- rel o’ gravel wi’ my lower jaw while m nose plowed et loose; jest ahead | ut, wasn’t alone at that business, not by several, you bet! ; I ee : ———_— CHAPTER VIII. MY PARD GETTIN’ THAR. T HAD enough, right at ther start. I let out a yell like a beilerin’ bull, soon’s I had unloaded that cart-load ov gravel I spoke about. Seemed to me as if about a ton ov it had gone right on down into my stummick, too, lewanted to wipe my mouth and feel to see how much I was damaged, but thar | was in that blame bag! Thar wur more like me, ‘‘Let me out ov heer!” I hollered, rip- roarin’ mad. ‘“Why didn’t ya yuamp?” asked that Swede feller, Nels Borgson was his name, as I had learnt, ‘‘Jump ther dickens!” I yelled at him. ‘‘How could a feller jump, or do anything else, tied up in a bag like ary blame turkey won at atafile? Will ye let me go loose?” ‘Sure Aa will,” said ther Swede, makin’ fer that knot in ther strink as ef et was his own tyin’, ‘And as to how tha yump, look at ’em ayumpin’ now. Look at that paard av yours! Aa bet he will winthe race, af he keeps it up at that pace. He is a yumper!” 1 was lookin’, to ther best of my ’bility, considerin’ the blindin’ tears that was in m eyes, and thar they was a-goin’ et like a floc of kangaroos, bobbin’ and bobbin’, and every now and then one bobbin’ his last bob and makin’ his last flop just about the same time as | haddoneuttherstart. What I was looke in’ fer was to git sight ef my pard Bob, Purty soon I discovered him, well ahead in the freutline, and he was goin’ into et fer all he was worth. Gilly, as | took et to be, and he was doin’ some tall jumpin’, too. By tbat time ther Swede had got me untied, I could see better, It was a sight, now, I'm yaupin’. The ground looked like a field o’ battle, af- ter ther battle was over, ’cept that none of ther corpsus wasn't lyin’ still, but all was makin’ ther blamest scramble you ever seen to git on their pins. | Did ye ever see a lot ov Dutch sassages, ther hand-made article, and see about a dozen pounds ov ’em, more or less, spilled all over ther floor? Wull, that was about what them sack racers looked like out thar on ther ground, ’cept as I said, that they was all in moshun. ; But, ther race? That is ther thing you’re supposed to be interested in, dear reader, sure enough, You see, I can’t hardly divorce my own feclin’s in ther matter from ther straight re- tail of ther facts as they happened, and hence you will have to bear with me and take the story part as it comes. most dislocated scoopin’ up that car load ov gravel I spoke about, and otherwise damagce to a liberal extent more or less, and I reckon it was considerable more, if my recoilection serves me right, and 1don’t think it is playin’ me any trick. (hak Thar was Bob, bobbin’ along at a great ‘canter, and oext to him was that fool. silly Gilly, jumpin’ fer all he was worth, tha: five dollars no doubt fillin’ his eye as big as a barrel. But, speakin’ of that, [ll det it filled my pard’s eye as big as that landlord of ther Grand Central Hotel was fillin’ mine, to say nothin’ of his weight on my mind. ‘ Hyar I come, ther great jumpin’ hyenner of ther jumpin’ jim-cracks! Cl’ar ther road!” i : Thar wasn't nobody in his road, and he was haff-way totherend., . aA Fea ‘T1e’s a yumper, no mistook!’ exclaimed that Swede to me. ‘ nuther.” said 1, with my eyes on : oy Close bebind him was Silly _ and he helped me out of ther sack, and svon’s ~ I wiped a bushel ov bowlders out ov my eyes, Thar 1 was, nose skinned, lower teeth al- - ‘C)'ar ther road thar!” Bob was a-yellin®, “And that durn yahoo ain’t no slouch, = him—thae -_
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8 You-Bet Bob’s Circne. is ter say, as clus as I-could focus ‘em, fer I ,hadn’t got.all ther bowlders out yet. ‘*And I’m after ye!” Silly Gilly sung out jist then. ‘‘And begorra it is mesel’ dhat is afther yous both!” bellered out another voice, anu. knowed at oncet it wasn'ta Frenchman, It ‘was the Irishman I have made mention of, whose name was Mike Murphy. ** Ye’ll never git me!” yelled my pard. | ‘* Begorra, ye are not to dhe ind yet,” said Murphy. ‘And I’m after him, too!” ther howlin’ ijjit sung out same as before. ‘Go in, Bobbert!’ I bellered as hard as ever Icould. ‘* Think ov that fiver!” ** I’m thinkin’,” answered my pard. ‘‘ But, whar be you?” “Tm restin’,” said I. **T’ll nail et,” said he. ** Don’t fail,” said I. ““ You bet!” Bob was gainin’, and I felt sure that if he held out he was goin’ to win that race, and then what a grand relief it would be to me to allow him to square up with our landlord— that is ter say, if a fiver would do it, which] was afraid it wouldn't. ‘Go in, Silly Gilly!” ther starter of ther race squaked at ther fool. ‘¢ Yes, I'm a-goin’ in,” was ther answer. “« After me,” my pard putin. «* Yis, and afther me, too,”’ Murphy, he re- peated. ‘You ain’t there yet,” ther plumb gone Joonytick piped, But, Bob was gittin’ there, now I’m warb- lin‘! He was jumpin’ harder and faster and longer than any other man in ther race, and he was coverin’ ground tremenjus, even if he was blowin’ hard, He was distancing that loonytick at every jump, too, and ther Irisher was gainin’ on him about as fast from behind, **Goit, Gilly!” yelled ther crowd, Somehow ther crowd ’peared to be in sym- patby withther blasted ijjit, and they cheer- ed him on like mad, He was jumpin’ his dead purtiest, but it was plain to be seen that it was no use. Most of the others had dropped out ov ther race, either a-purpose or other wisely—wisely any- ae how, and them three had it about to them- selves. ‘* Keep et up, pardner!” I bellered again. ‘* You have got a dead cinch onto that fiver now!” ‘*T know it.” You-bet, he opined. ** Go in, Gilly!” yelledthercrowd. ‘That fiver is waitin’ fer ye at ther end of ther race !”” ‘‘Dig in yer toenails, Silly!” from an- eh other, ; ‘* Hump yerself!” ‘“‘Yump!” yelled ther Swede. ‘‘ Yump laak ya never yumped before in yaar life, ye saan-av-a-guo!” He was standin’ right next door to me, sc ter say. ‘* Look heer,” I jumped on him quicker'’t seat, ‘‘you holler fer my pard, or I’m & plumb gorrilla if I don’t yamp down your throat, fist first!” : He was skart half out of his wits, fer I had a hand ona gun when | made my remark, GF 4s ‘*P-d-d-d-don’t sh-sh-sh-shoot!” he stut- tered ther purtiest you ever heard in your life. ‘‘ Aa wasn’t hollerin' at yaar paard—” _. ‘I know durn well ye wasn't,” said I ‘’That’s what I'm kickin’ about, I want ye “to holler at him, and if ye don’t I’m a savage > Apache if I don’t chaw yer nose off!” - **D) d-d d-d d-d-don’t sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shoot!” he stuttered till 1 thought he wasn't goin’ to stop. ‘Aa didn’t mean that; Aa meant that it was yaar paard that Aa was a-holler- jw’ at. Yump, thar!” hollerin’ some time, jun out of his hide. . | i teen : | ! Wer” aa in a way to shame a In - Yump, Aa tell ya!” _ “And called my pard a son-of-a-gun?” ae Ass ‘ou calle ae ‘ilsinealed of him, SS **T)-d-d d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d—” ‘* Well, 1 wont this time,” said I, to ease him up, fer I knowed he was so flustered he | onto my words, quick. would never get done if I didn’t, ‘‘ but don’t you do it no more, that’s all.” re had business elsewhere, Meanwhile—and thar hadn’t been buta might little of it, that yahoo was lookin’ and my pard was winnin’, hard and fast, Irish was gainin’on my pard some, and was almost up to yahoo, but thar wasn’t now enough room fer him to cover ther dif- ference and git thar first, and so I yelled in a way that looked as if I was crazy. **Go it, Bobbert! Go it, go it!’ I bellered forth. ‘It is your fiver now, and nothin’ kin take et from ye! Et is your'n, ct is yourn! Only a few jumps more, and you will ke over ther line, and then we'll take a drink to ther credit of Cross Crick!” AndI kept it up, hardly stoppin’ for breath, and the whole crowd besides was a-rootin’ fer that plumb loonytick. But, I had ther laff on ’m, and I could holler with a good deal better spirits, fer et looked like a dead sure cinch fer my pard then. Et looked so, yes. CHAPTER IX. THER FINISH AND A SKEEM, T auiow | acted like a crazy man. But it 1 did I wasn’t alone, not by several, and mebby one or two more. You never seen sech a ’citin’ time in your born days, I opine. Why, even ther fellers in ther sacks sot up and bellered. 1 thougbt my pard had it dead certain, but that plumb ijjit liad resources that I wot not about, or words to that effect, as Spoke- yer ig might express it if he had this job in hand, Of a suddent Silly Gilly took a header, and [thought he was done fer. I off. with my head-gear and jumped and yelled in a way that might made any one think I was tryin’ ter reach up and skar off ther sunbeam from ther face of old Sol, but I wasn’t. I was simply rootin’ fer You-bet, that was all, but ther way I did root et then was a caution ter grasshoppers! I thought I would bu’st my bazoo, sure enough. J] was right at ther top notch of my wildest whoop when somethin’ caught my eye that cut it off short and froze ther remainin’ half ov et fastin my gullick. Silly Gilly had tooken a header, as I said; that was all right; but, he hadn't stopped at that. When I looked he was still takin’ headers, end over end like a sawdust clown, or wuss, and J seen at ther instant blush that my pard wouldn't be in et unless he done ther same. I stopped my yellin’ instanter. Ther crowd whooped et up all ther more fer Gilly. ‘* Bob,” I bellered, ‘‘ you him one hetter, shur!” ‘*My last chip is up,” was what Bob panted back at me, and it dead certain was, “He jumpe his level best, but he was winded, aud bl me me ef that plumb loony- tick didn’t tu.ible past him and flop over ther line with a Jength ter spare! Goshaway! but I was mad, now I’m tellin’ ye! Ter.see that fiver git away from us like that, when we needed et so bad—wull, et was enough ter make a monument shed salt, sad weeps. My purd went he laid. I ran up to him—thar was nobody else ter do et, fer ther hull crowd was runnin’ to that plumb imbercile, and [ lifted up his head, “* Bob,” said 1, ‘* you done yer level best.” ‘He done a level bester, though,” and Bob seemed so sorry-like that I tried to con- sole him. thing like have got ter go downall in a heap, and thar ‘*Who would ’a’ thought ova that?” 1 wondered, ‘*Nobody but a howlin’ loonytick,” said Bob, a-grittin’ of his teeth. — “* And that fiver—” “* Don't mention ct!” warned Bob, droppin’ ‘Cy, I have got ter have a drink.” ‘‘T don’t know how ye are goin’ to git et,” I opined, ‘“* You kin help me,” said he, assurin’ly, **T couldn't look that landlord in ther eye to suave my life,” said 3. ‘He is ’most as big as a mountain, now.” ‘“‘TIell be smaller, by an’ by, when he finds out how we have done him,”’ remarked Bob, sentimentally. ** So will we, I'm afeerd,” I had to add. ‘*Wull, wemay as well be hung for a por- ker as ashoat,” intimated Bob. ‘I am goin’ to faint, Cy, and you will have ter pour lik- ker down my neck to bring me to. Do ye see?” , “Not clear,” said I, ’cause I didn’t jist see. ** Like this,” said he. ‘‘ You carry me to ther hotel; go on like mad ’cause ye think I’m done fer, and beller loud fer a bottle. See now?” **T don’t see ther bottle yet.” “You will.” “*T doubt et.” ‘* Samson won’t dare to go back on us; we are too much into him.” ‘*Wull, we'll try et,” said I, ‘I’ll need a nip myself after I git you to ther shebang, I opine. Take on yer faint,” Bob took eton. ‘ He lolled back his head, part opened his mouth, and looked fer all ther world like he was goin’ ter slip his tether, gather up his feet and git. Blame me ef I wasn’t skart m’self, first blush. I looked at him, and then I guv him a poke with my foot ter see ef it was sham . or earnest, and he didn’t ez much’‘as flicker a winker, and I got serious. ? ‘* Bob,” said 1, ‘‘is et sham or shur- enough?’ ‘ Ev’s shur-enough, you blame funkhead!” said he, in shur-enough voice. ‘*T wanted ter know, that was all,” I ’pol- lergized, ‘‘ Et looked so real that I was skart. Ready, now.” So sayin’, I got down and took a grip onto him, sack and all, and fetchin’ him clear by main force—fer he was no feather: weight, I’m ‘any ye—l started with him fer ther hotel. Meanwi ile—ther little thar had been, ther crowd had picked that plamp howlin’ ijjit up on their shoulders handy, and was totin’ — him off to ther hotel like ary champion. slugger or baseball pitcher, and they wur singin’ and makin’ merry in @ way to harrer | yer soul. I toted my pard all alone. They got thar first, of course, but I got thar all ther same, and they knowed et when © I arrived. pe se nk, ‘Make room!” J bellered. ‘‘Maké way (| thar fer my pard! He is dyin’,and I must ~ git somethin’ fer him! Clear ther road, thar, you galoots; we are a team from Cros. Crick, even if one ov usis flunked.” ‘* That's good,” whispered Bob. “Doet — some more, Iam dead faint now, andeven that burro couldd’t fetch me out of et, — Nothin’ but ther ginooine article will be of ther Jeast bit o’ use, and you kin tell ’em so. Tell ‘em I git these hyer spells when I’m winded.” ’ aie Some of ther crowd was makin’ way fe me; > ane ‘* Clear ther trail!” I bellered. ‘Myer has got to have some likker or die! D'ye hear? He has these hyer spells every ti he over ’cites himself, and et Chea ef Ido satan = he don’t git likker instanter! — Hotta: Hien itelt uta poe ate eave him ri through yer midst and smash down ther bar wit ‘hit a, Landlord a bottle ov yer best, ligbtnin’ soon!” - [had reached ther door, and that my shoulder-straight order, + Aw
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—— oS You-Bet Bob’s Circus. - Ther landlord looked at me, over ther heads ov ther crowd, and felt myself wither to nothin’ness under his eye. Seein’ that I was in fer it, though, I put on a good sight better front than | felt, and bellered out again fer ther crowd to git out of my path and leave me a wide swath. Mebby that false front loomed up tall, but ef they could ’a’ looked at my stack ov courage from a rear view they would have beheld a structure that was all front and nothin’ else; a delusion and a mockery as it wur. ‘“* What d’ye want?” ther landlord asked. ‘‘Ther best ye have got,” I answered, slashin’ right to ther front with my burden, shovin’ mer right and left regardless, as if et was real life and death in grim earnest. I reached ther bar, and thar 1 dropped my pard on ther floor all in a lump, with a diz- mul thud. Ther landlord handed out a bottle, and right thar I made a mistake. thought ov myself first, ye see. Yankin’ out ther cork, 1 throwed back my head, jammed ther bottle tween my teeth, and let ’er flicker. Et didn’t flicker long, I’m tellin’ ye. Et ‘was benzine, ther pure stuff, used fer clean- in’ purposes, that ther landlord had got holt ov ay mistake, and I had gota gullick full ov it. ‘‘Reaouch eaouch-aouch!” I heaved, or somehow similar, and that dose shot out ov me and across ther bar like a belch from Castle Geyser in Fire Hole Basin, ef ye have ever seen that, and I was that mad that I flung ther bottle straight at that landlord's head. My heart quailed within me ther same in- stant, when | realized what I had done, but et was done, Ther bottle bu’sted about haff a dozen others on a shelf, and went plump through a lookin’ glass, and I thought that would be my last hour on yarth, but when I got my narve steady enough ter look at that landlord you kin boot me ef he wasn’t pale—actool fack! I knowed I was in fer et anyhow, so I whipped out my gun and took a bead on him, tremblin’ in my boots at ther same time. ‘* What in misery do ye mean by handin’ out that stuff ter me?” I ‘rumbled at him in terrible basso, ‘‘ Did ye want ter put out ther last bit o’ flickerin’ life my pard has got. Fer one cent I would blow ther hull crown ov yer head off!” In that way I showed up that false front Ov mine in lurid red and yaller, while in- _wardly I was fairly shiverin’ with fear lest he might look black at me; but he didn’t; he continnered to look white, fer which I was dooly thankful. He offered a mumbled ‘polly dy. handed out another bottle, and fer ther time bein’ thar was no blood spilt, altho’ I knowed it war brewin’ in the air. CHAPTER X. ‘ SOMETHIN’ OV A RUCTION. My pard just then guv a fetchin’ moan. _ [| knowed what he was moanin’ about, but I let him wait a minute, Lucky fer him that I had sampled that other bottle first, or he would been full ov - benzine. out with, swosbin’ it around in m Takin’ ther new bottle, which was light-. nin’ fer sure, I took a mouthful ov it to rensh sein jowler and then sprayin’ it out Jike a heathin Chinee sprinklin’ clothes, only more so. . That done, 1 took a snifter, mebbe three ia fingers—bottle measure, and et took away - ther taste of that first horrible dose. Then stooped and administered et to my pard, . AF ya al ther neck ov ther bottle down is gullick clean up to therhub and lettin’ et gurgle. J done that part fer ’venge fer the dose I got. u-be t kem to, lightnin’ quick, under that treatment, and tried ter squirm away, but I held him thar a second and nearly drowned him, I reckon. Only that he was in that sack, 1] opine he would ’a’ shot me dead on ther spot, but thar he was, helpless, and I had him at my mercy. But, I wouldn’t hurt Bob for rocks, you bet! I let right up and rolled him over, grab- bin’ him under ther middle with my lift arm and liftin’ him part clear and poundin’ him on ther back with my right hand in a way kalkylated to clear his lungs, and as soon as he got so's he could holler I stopped. ‘*You gol-goshed loonytick!” he yauped. ‘‘What yer tryin’ ter do? Let me out ov this hyer bag, and see if 1 don’t scour ther distant plains with yer kerkiss! I’m a howl- in’ hyenner ef I don’t chaw ye when I do git free! You have near about drowned me, that’s what ye have done, and I'll pay ye up fer et, don’t you fergit et! Give me that bottle!” ’ “Take et easy, Bobbert,” said I. nervous, that was all.” ‘You'll be more nervous, blast ye!” said he. “My nerve is gittin’ all right,” said 1. ‘*T’ll make et righter,” said he. ‘*Take a snack,” said I. With that I put ther bottle to his lips, gentle-like, and he sipped et off like a suck- lin’ babe, or a bee samplin’ ther dew on a rose petal— Thar, 1 won't go further on that trail, dear reader; 1 ain't often taken that way. Let’s ambleon. _ He gulped what he wanted; then I took another dip at et, and I put ther empty bottle back on ther bar. Glory! Thar was that landlord with a gun pointed straight at me. ‘* Pony,” said he, : That false front ov mine went down all in a heap ov quiverin’ ruins, and ther false sup- ports behind showed plain. ‘*T)-d-d-don’t shoot!” I managed ter gasp, somethin’ after ther fashion ov that, Swede I have been tellin’ ye about. ‘‘ Wh- wh-what's ther damage? Put et all in one bill.” ‘Yes, put ther hull thing ina lump,” hol- lered my pard, from ther floor, still snug in his sack, Then I seen that I had put my foot in et. Bob was goin’ back on me, was goin’ ter leave me ter face ther music alone, and I imagined myself already dead ‘and buried a dozen feet deep more or less, mebby ten feet or so less. t Nevertheless, I had_ to carry on ther bluff to ther last second, so I put in strong Jike: ‘All in one Jump, sartain! s’pose, that I would pay haff? Not me, b’gosh! I have got you whar I want ye, now, pard, and I am goin’ ter settle this hyer score.” Same time I got my foot on his neck in my ’citement and closed down plenty hard on it. ‘*That’s what you are,’’ said ther landlord. “Pony!” I went down into my pocket, and down onto Bob's neck still harder at ther same time, but somehow Bob had got his arms out ov that sack and he grabbed me by ther leg and down I went on ther floor. ‘*T'll show ye who is goin’ ter pay ther bill!” he yauped at me. ‘And I'll showye whose neck you have been usin’ fer a blasted footstool, too!” and he made a gouge at my optics and et looked as ef he meant biz, but I wronged him when I thought so. He was as much interested in keepin’ our secret as I was, if I had only stopped ter reason et out, and he couldn’t go back on me ef he wanted to. He made a bite at my ear, but whispered : “Fight, Cy, ye durn fool, fight! but not in “*T was earnest; we must shut his eye again!” T gripped on, then; and J tell ye we had et cat and dog over that floor for ther space ov two or three minutes, and then we pulled apart and each one ov us pulled a gun. » * J \ F ’ 4 , 7 i LT — What d’ye | That howlin’ crowd had formed a ring around us, but at ther sight ov ther guns they scattered like chaff ’fore a stiff breeze, and thar was me and Bob alone ter continner ther contest to our likin’, and ther landlord lookin’ on sort ov helpless in ’mazement, “Oy,” panted my pard, ‘‘I am goin’ to pay ther bill.” “Bob,” I panted back, ‘‘I am goin’ to pay ther bill myself.” **You ain’t,” said he. ‘‘T am,” said J. Thar we war, deadlocked. ) ‘“You will both pay et,” spoke up ther landlord, who still had his gun in his fist. ‘* No we won’t,” said Bob. ‘“‘That's right,” said 1. ‘‘It’s me or no- body.” ‘“Somebody has got ter pay, and that — rightdown spot ducats,” declared ther land- lord, and he was beginnin’ ter grow big ergain in my sight. I thought I had re- duced him, but I hadn't; he was a giant still. ‘« Bob,” said I, have done with et. one,” I guv him a wink. “Et hits me that he is gettin’ troubled about his money,” said Bob, cold like, and he guv me awink. ‘I have a noshun ter make you wait fer et, Mr. Landlord. Do ye think we haven’t got ther stuff?” ‘JT haven't seen ther color ov et yet,” said “Jet me pay this bill and You kin pay ther next he. “Then I'll show ye,” said I, and I made a reach, ‘‘No ye won't!” cried Bob at me. ‘‘Ef he is goin’ ter insult a couple ov Cross Crick gentlemen that way, let him wait till night fer his dust.” “ «Does he think that we would. come hyer from Cross Crick fer a day’s fun, with noth- in our pockets ter have fun on?” I follered his lead. ‘‘Landlord, my pard takes ther right view of the matter to my way ov thinkin’, and I second his moshun, You will have ter wait.” We had ther bulge on him, too, He bad a gun in hand, that was so, but thar was the crowd and he wouldn’t dared ter shoot that direction. E Thar was nobody behind him, and we both turned the noses of our guns his way and Jet bim look into ther tubes. He took water, thar bein’ no way out of et, but he took et graceful. ‘* Well, boys, mebby I was hasty.” he ob- sarved, puttin’ away his gun, ‘‘But I was out ov temper.” ‘“So was I,” said I, have a blame cent, settin’ out real benzine ‘fore a gentleman—specially one that knows _ \ 2 ther difference.” “Jt was a mistake, stranger; don’t see how that bottle ever got on ther shelf. But I have had a big rusb to-day, ye know, and that must ’count fer. it, take one with me to make et right.” He sot out ther best he had, and I felt cheap as dirt, ; ‘I could ’a’ fell on his collar and wept my : ‘ If } had had ther dust in > ‘fection, almost. my clothes I would a’ squared ther damage then and thar. But 1 hadn’t et; neither had Bob, and so we had ter stiffen our necks wi’ indignasbun and make him humble himself ’fore us, which he did ample, considerin’ that we was into him some dollars. i i In ther mean time—thar had been consid- benef erable of it by now, that plumb loonytick, Silly Gilly, had treated ther crowd with ther fiver he had won, and he was no better off’n he was in ther first place. Ther citizens ov _ Hold-up war cute; they didn’t mean ter let. that fiver git out ov town. ‘You hadn’t orter — Here, come and Page aoe as % i ree age coe _— oT oe ied | = pe a" - : Le ag : a * i j cs + By ther time ther citement was over some, ‘and everybody had got their hog’s feathers — smoothed down ther right way ergain, et was announced that ther time fer ther next . "eeLinic Mater. \ eo Cheeses
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Re: “Come alon mi 5 ~ 4 “But, pane Pe era ah 10 RS a a. oss ee Bet Bob's Cireus,. event ov ther cick ‘was at hand, and me and Bob pranced out ter learn w hat et was goin’ ter be. We was gettin’ ripe by that time, Bob and me was, and we was in fer any- thing that was on ther carpet, no matter what it might be. ‘There’s no flies on me and Bob when we go bobbin’, you bet!” CHAPTER XI. MY PARD AS UMPIRE, WuLL, we went out, as 1 said, and I tell ye we wuz feelin’ good. by that time and be- ginnin’ ter step high. We had a hull bottle ov Samson’s best ia- side ov us, ’ceptwhat J awonbed out withand what Bob couldn’t hold ther first dose I guv him, so why wouldn’t we step high? Before night we stepped higher’ n that! As we went out, that fool ov a Silly Gilly wa up to us and said: want to thank ye ergain fer that din- . ner; et was good; ther best I ever et in my : life.” ** You are jest as much ’bliged as ef et was paid fer,” said my pard. ‘ You hadn’t bet- ter go ter blowin’ ’round about et, for that < landlord has got a morgy on ye and he may foreclose,” ** What does that mean?” asked ther fool, his eyes bulgin’ out like ther eyes ov a frog. ** Et means that he will cut ye open to git what belongs to him,” said my pard. That feller looked skart, ngw I’m tellin’ ye. ‘**But, you are goin’ to pay, ain’t ye?’ he inquired, sort o’ feeble like. ** Gilly,” said I, to help my pard along, “we couldn't pay fer ther tooth- -pick yer top- ped off with, let alone ther fodder.” “ But don’t ye breathe et,” said my pard. ““Ef ye do, down comes yer tabernacle ov clay, and don’t you forgit et. That landlord will open ye and scrape yer inner parts but ‘what he'll have what’s due him.” ‘* N-n-n-no, I won't tell,” said ther fool, ** By the way,” said my pard. ““ What is et?” “You said you was goin’ ter git your four dollars back ag’in, didn’t ye?” **Yes, that’s what I said, and I said what I meant, too. 1 looked at that robber p’tie’lar close, and I would know bim in a crowd.” “Well, ef you happen to run up against - him, jest git our money back ergain, too, will ye? He has got a couple ov hundred ov our ard earned dornicks about his clothes.” “Sho! did he stop you too?” “ Yas; but tell et not in Gath nor herald et from ther housetops. You make him dis- gorge, and we’ll stand ther brunt fer your dinner.” ‘*Vll do et, by goshety I will!” ther fool promised. Fools promise anything. Me and Bob laughed right hearty at that, and ther fool went on his way rejoicin’ ter think that bis dinner was safe. Wull, ther thing then on ther carpet was a baseball match, and they wasscoutin’ ’round lively to find somebody to umpire ther busi- ness. Nobody seemed willin’ ter do et. ** Bob,” said I. “ Wull,” said he. “You be umpire,” I asks, «Better wait till they ask me,” he opined. We didn’t have ter wait more’n a month or two, when a feller rushed up sayin’: i. Say, can’t you two gents act as umpires? \Novone here seems willin’ to do it, and the game must go on.” “Anything in et?” my pard asks, in a business way. ** Lots,” sez ther feller; ‘‘ lots!” ‘How many hard rocks?” 1 asked him. ““* Well, ten dollars upiece to you when the gam is done,” he give out. Ve’re your game chickens at that fig- er,” said a, ‘pard, right prompt out. my whispered, ‘‘I don’t know 4 ! ther rules of ther game, and I'll only make a mess of ther hull business and git us into further trouble.” ‘‘ Never mind about that,” said my pard. ‘Think ov them ten hard rocks at ther end. Mebby not another galoot in ther hull batch knows anything about rules, either, and ef they don’t like our style let ’em say so,” I hadn't any fear but what they would; I opined they would make et plenty plain to us, Well, that feller went off bawlin’ out that he had found umpires, the rtwo gents from Cross Crick, and a rousin’ cheer went up fer me and my puard. That feller, by ther way, was a slick- lookin’ chap, and was ’gaged to ther purty darter ov ther manager of one of ther best mines thar at Hold-up. Ther weddin’ was ter come off that night. That, by ther way, was to be ther crownin’ ’vent ov ther hull day’s sport, and everybody was gittin’ in trim fer et. But no matter ’bout that. Ther players was men picked from two of ther mines, reglar ruffs ther most ov ’em, red shirts and big boots and knives and guns and all to match, Wull, we stepped out thar and faced ther music, and one ov ther captains rushed up to us, ® great big whiskered feller, lookin’ tur- rible enou gh to eat us both, and he bellered: ‘* Fair game, now, or look out fer me!” Then up rushed another rooster ov about ther game caliber, minus ther hair on his face, and be hollers: “Bair biz, or you'll hear from me!” I noticed that my pard was gittin’ spotted, more so on account of ther fermeéntin’ evil he had inside, and he opens his bazoo and hollers back at them both in a way that he what run might hear, sayin’: ** And you two ’tend to your biz, straight, and don’t you meddle with our’n, or thar will be trouble right on ther jump!” They glowered at him, sort ov sizin’ him up. ‘‘Oh! thar’s two ov us,” I hollered out, feelin’ ruther good then, ‘‘and what we don’ t know about baseball ain’t worth know- in’, you bet! Ef we are goin’ to monpirs we don’t want no help.” “That's a square chunk ov premium hosé sense,” said my pard, “All we ask is a square dea), ” said bui.s them feller’ together. ‘: That is all we ex- pect. » But, we expect all ov that,” they said singly "and individually right on top ov it, ‘‘and ef we don’t git et we are goin’ to know ther reason why. Do you git onto that?” ‘*We don’t want no help,” minded. ‘** Play ball!” I bellered. They hadn't got ready yet, but that sort ov put some go in’em, and after they had almost come toa fight over which side should come first to bat, ‘they finally got into their posishuns. ‘“‘ Are ye ready?” my pard asked ’em, They said they wuz, “Then let ’er gol” yelled You-bet, aa ther trouble began. By ther redness ov ther pitcher's face, , judged that he had been hittin’ ther bottle purty hard, and when he slammed in ther ball I was sure ov it, He missed ther home- plate by about ten yards, and sent ther ball plumb center into ther crowd on ther left. **Foul!”’ yells my pard, instanter. ; ‘What's that?” hollers ther whiskered fel- er. **] called et a foul,” my “pard answered back at him. ‘‘Why, you durn lunk,” he ‘torted, bat never touched et!’ ‘Foul all ther same,” said my pard, and no amount oy kickin’ would make him change his decision. He allowed et wasn’t ne ahews and ef et wasn’t fair it must be a fou my pard re- * the® 2 SS CE STE re Well, ther ball got back into ther pitcher’s hands somehow , and he slammed etin again, and this time et went so high that ther batter couldn’t touched et with a clothes-prop. It went so fur in ther rear, too, that a boy had ter be sent to hunt et up. ‘“*Foul!” my pard yelled again, like an In- un. “You call that a foul?” yelled ther whis- kers, ‘‘ Wh at do ye mean by et?” “Ef et ain’t a fair it can’t be anything else. Play ball!” ‘“No, we won’t play ball, nuther!” de- clared ther whiskers, and he marched up to my pard with a gun in his fist. ‘‘Say, do you know ther difference ’tween a foul and a ball, anyhow ?” ‘What durn fool don’t know that?” yaup- ed my pard, ** Well, do you?” urged ther whiskers. “‘ Of course I do.” “ Well, what is ther difference?” ‘¢ What is ther difference?” ‘* Yes, out with et, if you know!” hollered ther whiskers, *‘ Wull, a ball is a ball, and a foul has wings and a tail,” bellered my pard. ‘ Play ball, you Gila monsters! Play ball!” CHAPTER XII. ARIZONA BASE-BALL, But, they didn’t play ball right away—not that kind, anyhow. They kum purty clus to havin’ a ball ov an. other kind, but missed et bya notch or two, ‘Hold on!” yelled that feller with ther whiskers. ‘‘ We ain ‘tready ter play bal ] jest yit. You think you aire somebody, ‘cruse you happen ter come from Cross Crick, but you don't know et all.” ‘“‘] don't kalkylate you kin give me any’ lessons,” said my pard, brash as if be did knew ct all fer a fact. ** When I make asay- 80, that say-so has got to stand, See? When I say play ball, that is what I mean. I’m hired to be umpire here, me and my pard, and ef we can’t be that we won’t be nothin’!” Ther whiskers sort ov cooled @ little, fer he didn’t want ter lose us. It had been hard enough ter find any one who would tackle ther job at all, ‘*Wull, don’t git riled,” he said, softer. “When ther ball goes wild, that is a ball; when et comes near, but ther ‘patter don't hit et, whether he strikes ‘at et or not, that is a strike; and when ther ball tips ther bat, but drops ‘outside ther lines, that isa foul, See? Nothin’ else is a foul but that. Now do you. understand ther play ?” My pard looked as if he didn’t understand a blame thing on earth, and had fergotten what little he ever did know. ‘Is that ther way ye play ball over here?” he asked. ‘‘That’s jist ther way,” said ther whisk- ers. “All right; play ball!” That diffikilty adjusted, ther pitcher slug- ged et in once more, and blame me ef he didn't plunk my pard fair and square in ther bread-basket! You-bet doubled up like a jackknife and went to ther ground all in a heap, huggin’ himself in a way most affectin’, and as he went down he let out a awful beller from his bazoo, **Foul!” he hollers, ‘‘and ther man what. says et ain’t is a liar!” ‘* Strike!” hollered him ov ther whiskers, ‘* Ball!” yelled somebody else. oun “T'l] make that blasted ijjit baw], when ty git my wind!” bellered my pard, full ov vengeance, ‘We want another umpire,” hollered ther captain that ecw: whiskers, “We : ‘*T mean et’s a foul, ” bellered my pard. ¢ , ‘Do et ef ye dare!” hollérs my pard, in ¢ mortual agony, rollin’ over and over, “Et ain't no fair ter hit a man when he’s down ”. . 2 r
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; 1h W tater =) . wait fer him to git well, and he don’t know ther rules, anyhow.” “Try Silly Gilly,” some feller suggested. ““Jest ther man!” “You bet!” ‘‘Hello, Gilly! Come out hyer and show yerself, and shed yer wisdom onto this game!” And that blame fool had ther brash ter come out smilin’ to tackle ther job, spite ov ther fact that my pard had jest been laid on ther shelf. ‘* Tg it ten dollars?” he asked. *¢ Yes, it’s ten dollars,” said ther whiskers. “No, I'm blamed ef et is!’ bellered my pard. ‘I have got a morgy on that ten dol- lars, fer damages received.” But ther rooters rooted so loud that he couldn’t be heard, so he had to pull out and leave ther matter to me and that ijjit. I didn’t like et, but thar I was and that tenner filled my eye. ‘«Play ball!” piped up ther fool. And they done so, the pitcher drivin’ in another one that fairly made ther wind ' whistle. Spat! said ther bat, and ther ball went scrapin’ ther sky away off in ther direction of ther Gila, seemed to me, but then I was — things a little distorted, owin’ to bal- ast. And then ther batter started to make his bases, and not only him but ther bull blasted nine ov ’em, one after another, tight as they could go it, Never seen a game ov bail out here in Arryzona, have ye, dear reader? Mone it’s a sort of go-as-ye-please affair, you et! Now I had seen ball played, and knowed jest a little about et, and I hollered fer all I was worth, but et wasn’t no use. I couldn’t be heard above ther noise made by that crowd, Ther ball had gone clean over ’gainst ther side ov ther hill, Jess’n a thousand miles away, and every man on the other side, ‘cept one or two, had gone ter look fer et, , and ther nine men went prancin’ around them bases in a way to kill, In kem one, * then another, then another, and every blame one of ’em hollered ‘‘ Tally!” - Weli, they scored nine runs before that ball got around to attend to biz again. ‘‘1s that ther way ye play ball over heer?” said I, when they got quiet. “That’s jist ther way,’ said ther whis- kers, I was on ther p’int ov tellin’ him that I didn’t think he needed any umpire at all, and throwin’ up ther sporge, but that tenner fill- ed my eye, and I thought ) would stay in fer a spell longer. I was sorry I did. T’other side took ’ceptions to that kind ov layin’, somebody knowin‘ et wasn’t jist reg’- r, and thar was a pow-wow. - Ther first thing 1 knowed them two cap- tains had holt ov me and was tryin’ to pull me apart, and each ov ’em had a gun poked _inmy face, and their eyes wur clean full ov shoot. ; “Decision!” hollered one. “‘PDecision!” hollered t’other, And ‘thar Iwas, like a bone ov corntension, ‘likely to be devoured ov ’em both and satisfy- ip’ neither. ‘One run,” I managed to git out, fer they was pullin’ and haulin’ so that it was hard fer me to work my jaw to say anything, and { I was sorry lhad worked et even that much. _ Nine runs!” hollered whiskers, ‘ Make et nine, or 1’m a white livered gorilla ef I don’t spatter yer brains all over ther Terry- tory!” “Nine et is,” I assented, soon as Ivcould chatter et out. - *§You said one!” hollered no-whiskers, jammin’ his gun half-way through my breast- me, ‘Stick to your decision, or I'ma ring- zled cattymount ef I don’t make dead t ov yel” « | out. “Nine!” hollered whiskers, jammin’ his gun ‘tween my fifth and sixth ribs about two inches anda quarter. *‘ Nine or die!” And thar I was! Dear reader, what would you’ve done about et? Be kind enough to’magine yerself in my place jest about then, and write me a letter about it—Arizona Cy, care ov ther publisher, and et will come all right. I'd like ye to tell me. Ther fact ov ther matter was, 1 was stumped, and I reckon they would make cold meat ev me ef my pard hadn’t chipped in just then propishously. “Callin t’other up umpire,” he hollered ‘*Call in t’other umpire, and see what he has ter say ” That broke ther deadlock fer a second, and they looked around fer ther fool. He was standin’ out thar as onkuncerned as if thar wasn’t a matter ov life and death under dis- cussion. " He was dragged into ther melee two jerks ov a jiffy, and his opinion was demanded about as urgent as mine had been. ** No runs,” he decided, prompt enough. That settled et. It almost settled him, too. They dropped me and went fer him to argy ther matter, and me and Bob mingled with ther crowd and lost ourselves to sight ez et wur, They swore at him, they jammed their guns inter him, they dideverything but hang him on ther spot, but still he stuck to that et was no runs, : ‘What d’ye mean?” thundered ther whis- cers, ‘* Foul ball,” ther ijjit piped. How they howled! ‘* Et went outside,” said ther ijjit; and he stuck to in sech a way that they finally agreed to disagree on et and wipe out ther score and begin all over again. T’other side took ther bat, then, and ther agony went on. In about ten minutes thar was a fight in which both sides got mingled up in secha way tbat you couldn’t tell t’other from which, and guns was poppin’in a way to make ye think et was Fourth of July or tharabouts. ‘There was music in the air, I’m tellin’ ye. When et was over there was enough wounded men to set up a hospital with, and lucky no one had been killed out- right. Ob! it was a red-hot holiday, same as they had advertised, you bet! Me and Bob had took safe retreat behind a rain bar’l, whar we remained till the shower—ov lead— was over, | CHAPTER XIII. FINDIN’ A BONANZ, You might think that would ov settled ther fun fer ther day. aay Oh, no; it was only gettin’ rine, ’bout that time, and ther fellers that had got hit wasn’t hardly missed. They crawled off to their wicky-ups to get their holes plugged and other damages re- paired, and in ther meantime ther band play- ed right on, so ter put et in a way figgery. That is ther way we do things out here, ’speshully ona holiday. — Somebody said drink about that period, too, and away ther hull multytood flocked to ther Grand Central Hotel, me and Bob in ther van. Thar they blowed in a big chunk ov ther money that was to ’a’ gone to ther umpires, but that, made no difference so long as every- body was happy, and that game ov ball was voted a big success. Ther next thing, so we learned, was to be a try at climbin’ a greased pole, and that promised to be rich. “* Bob,” said I, ‘‘ are you goin’ to try et?” ts dunno, Cy,” explained Bob. | ‘‘ Are you a9 \ ‘Don’t think 1 will,” and I spoke as 1 meantit. — ; : ‘Why not?” he ’quired. ‘Et will spoil my store ‘splained. ‘* That’s right,” said Bob. I was thinkin’ about, myself. what, Cy.” . ** What is et?” ; ‘One ov us kin do et, t’other watchin’ his clothes,” ‘* Not naked!” I hollered, i “ Sartain not!” he hollered. ‘‘ I kin git a+ rig ov old overalls from somebody, no doubt. And, by ther way,” whisperin’ in my ear, ‘‘ et will be a good way to courage ther land- lord.” ** How’s that?” I asked. ‘¢ We'll talk whar he kin hear, and I'll be as p’ticlar as ary old maid in ther care you are to take ov my duds and dust.” That idee made me larf right out. “Allright,” said I.. ‘‘ lam with ye.” We worked around to whar ther landlord could hear, and Bob sez: ‘‘Cy, I have a blame mind ter try that greased pole business myself. What do ye say ?” “Do et ef ye want to,” says 1, speakin’ right out, ‘I don’t want none in mine.” ‘‘Wull, I have, honest,” said he. ‘ Will you hold my clothes?” ‘*Shur,”’ said I, ‘if you’re fool enough to try it.” “And you will take good care ov my wad?” ** Why not?” I asks. I guess, Bob Horner, dead-beat, am I—say ?” ‘¢ Oh, yer know | didn’t mean nothin’ like that, Cy Johnson,” said he. ‘‘ Imeant would ye mind what ye was doin’ and not dropmy money out ov ther pockets? That was all.” Ther landlord was giVin’ ’tention to our re- marks, I could see from ther corner ov my off eye, and he seemed ter look satisfied that we had ther rocks to put up when we seen clothes,” I “That is what Pll tell ye “ You kin trust me, Lain’t ary thief or ‘‘Do I look like a born fool?” said 1. ‘* Not quite,” said Bob. : ; “ Wull, then, I guess I kin take keer ov your money,” ‘I ’torted at him.- “You won't have a cent less’n you have got now, when I hand yer clothes back to ye. Ef you want to climb ther pole, go ahead and. climb ’er,.’” ‘Yas, but see hyer,” he chucked. “Wull, what now?” I jist wished to be informed. ‘“You will sneak up and pay ther landlord our bill while I am out ov sight, and I won’t be in et, after all, you see,” he had the cheek. to assert. ‘*Mebby I will,” said I, evasively-like. ; ** Jest what 1 thort I read in yer eye,” said Bob, ‘*Sech was my good intent,” I lied like sin, ter carry on my part ov ther skeem. ‘* Then I don’t climb no pole,” said Bob. ‘Then ye don’t,” ‘ thar was a prize ov fifty bones to ther man that could reach ther top ov ther pole. My pard’s eyes went open like wild, hear- in’ that. ; ‘«But, I can’t onless you will help me.” ‘« How kin I help ye?” Lasked him. ‘«By swearin’ that ye won’t pay ther land- lord while Iam tryin’ et.” | I p’tended ter look blue over that, and I. took a sly look at ther landlord ter see how he was takin’ et. He ketched me at et, that time, and he nodded his head. He felt dead sure now that we wuz all right, and that was ther proof ov et. at last. et,” 1 come down. ‘Put up yer right hand,” said he, fit ter settle with him fer drink, @inner and damages. He didn’t know how; foxy we wuz | Jest at that minnit we heard et said that. — ‘‘Cy, I have got ter climb et,” he said. We had licked him down fine | ““Wull, Bob, ter give ye a chance, I'll do |
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_ «¢Whar is et?” 12 “Tf ye say so,” said I, and I put et up. **Now say after me,” called out Bob, ‘‘I do sw’ar, by all ther gods ov war, that I won’t in no wise and no how offer ter pay ther landlord ov this hyer shebang what is due him while my pard is, so ter say, not in et.” I repeated et after him, and I tell ye I never took my oath with a clearer conscience in my hull life. Pay him? Bless ye, I couldn’t ’a’ paid fer ther stopper out ov ther bottles! “That is dead right, now,” and Bob seemed jest high pleased. ‘‘I know I kin trust ye, after ye have tooken oath toa thing. You heard ther ’greement, land- lord?” ‘* Yes; that will be all right,” said Sam- son, ‘*Shur et will.” Weil, ther ’citement was on again by that time, and all that was guin’ to try ther pole was gittin’ ready fer et. ‘““Who has got a suit ov old overalls?” bellered my pard. . ‘‘T kin fix ye out,” said ther landlord. ** Bully fer you!” said Bob. Ther landlord opened a closet and took out a rig that he used himself fer dirty work, and which was about on its last legsanyhow, and them he handed to my pard. “*Step right down suller,” he said, ‘‘and you kin change in no time.” Bob took ’em, **Come on, Cy,” he said to me, ‘* You ‘will have ter see that I’m hooked up all right.” ** Lead on,” said I. h He led, and I follered. It was somethin’ ov a dirty hole, that suller, but thar was toom, when we could see ourselves in et. My pard took off his store dudsand put on ther overalls and jumper, and by that time we could see around ther suller plenty plain, and Bob spied a bar’l in one corner. “* A bar’l!” sez he. *« Shur!” said I. Two steps was all Bob needed ter git thar. He looked et over, felt around ther head, and then he whispers: ‘*Et’s tapped, too, by glory!” ‘* That’s all | want ter kiow,” said I. Bob got right down on his hands and knees and put his mouth to thejigger and turned on ther flush. : I heard a gurglin’,and the most satisfied grunt I ever heard a hog make in mylife. [ thought Bob would never let go, and in fact he didn’t till I guv him a kick, ‘* Don't make a blame hog ov yerself!” I had to suggest. - har’s enough fer both,” explained Bob. «‘—D’ye think I could drink a bar'l ov et?” “Wull, I want my haff, anyhow,” I opined; and then I got down about ther same as Bob hud done and took leetle taste ov ther stuff, and mebby he heard a grunt same asl did; I won’tsay. ~ Wull, we didn’t tarry long, fear!n’ that ther snap would be discovered and we wouldn't git another whack at et, but went right up, and I had Bob’s clothes tucked un- der my arm fer safe keepin’, his money and -all—I might lose ther clothes, but not ther mun, We wuz feelin’ good, I’m tellin’ ye, and I yeckon we was steppin’ knee-high every step we took, _ Bob was just spotted with pure joyish- ness. CHAPTER XIV. ae CLEAR OUT OF SIGHT. “Now fer that pole!” hollered my pard. Yer know et costs a dollar to enter—ef ye don’t know I'll tell ye, when ther prize is a te one, ' Bob and me orter ’a’ thought ov that, but gee 1 a _wedidn't, Et never entered our heads till ¢ You Bet Bohs Circus. ther master ov sarymonies ’miuded my pard | to hug, ov et, jest after Bob made his yaup. **Put up yer dollar,” sez he. “My dollar?” sez Bob, and I tell ye he wasn’t a leopard jest then, fer he changed his spots in about ther twinklin’ ov an eye. ‘Yer dollar, shur,” said ther feller. ‘Ther prize is a big one, and ther climbers has got to ante ter come in, ye see. Pony up yer dollar, now, and git in line with ther rest; the quicker ther better.” ‘* Here,” I hollered out, jammin’ my hand em my pocket, ‘‘I’ll put up ther stuff fer im.” ‘*No yer don’t!” cried Bob, turnin’ on me quick, as 1 knowed he would. ‘* What’s ther reason I won’t?” said I. ““*Cause your money ain’t no good hyer, that’s reason enough,” snorted my pard. ‘* Ain’t I told ye so enough?” ‘Then I'll pony up your’n,” said I, makin’ as if ter unroll his duds, ‘*No, hold on,” hollers Bob. ‘‘ You'll mebby spill ther things out ov all m pockets. Landlord,” turnin’ to him with ther gall ov ary ox, ‘‘ put up that dollar fer me and charge et to my ’count,” ‘* Wi’ pleasure,” said ther ‘bligin’ giant, ‘* and hyer et is.” He shoved up a dollar like a man, and my heart begun ter beat oncet more. It had been standin’ still ther meanwhile. Bob took ther hull thing as a matter ov course, and acted as if he had a morgy on ther hull shebang. I,expected ter hear him say he owned et before ther day was done. He was gittin’ brassy, no mistake. I noted, too, that he was beginnin’ ter wob- ble a trifle when he walked. I wondered how my own gait was. ‘“Wull, now fer ther sarcus!’ hollered my pard. ‘‘Trot out yer greased pole and put ther saddle on et, and ef I can't ride ther critter et will be a funny thing.” ‘* Bob,” said I, ‘‘ye climb et, not ride ct.” ““ Who is doin’ this?” he bellered. ‘* You wou’t, I opine,” said I. *T’ll show ye,’’ and out he pranced, me follerin’ with his clothes tucked under my arm as aforesaid. Thar was ther pole, sure enough. It was a flag pole, but row et shone like ary stick ov candy, so shiny et was with grease, and ther minnit I seen et I shook my head. Ther line was formin’, and at ther head wes that nigger I have mentioned somewheres back on this trail, whose name was Thomas Jefferson Jones, but who was called Jeff fer short; and next to him was ther Swede, Nels Borgson. Then kem three or four more, and then my pard and after him was Silly Gilly. He was goin’ fer that fifty, too. Ther line formed fast, fer that fifty was somethin’ worth tryin’ fer in these days ov hard times and short rations, Purty soon ther feller in charge hollered that ther time wuz up, and told Mr. Jones ter make his try, and Jefferson grinned from ear to ear, or a little furder,: He looked at ther pole and ther pole seemed ter stiffen up aud flirt etself in ther breeze as ef defyin’ him ter come on. I couldn't see ther top ov ther pole ter save my life. Ther ground had taken ona gently roliin’ moshun, like a ship on a long, lazy sea, and things was deceivin’. i Et was that lush at ther tap ov ther bar’l, lL opine. “ Go et, Jeff!” hollered ther crowd! ‘** Climb ther slick!” “Dig in yer toes!” i ‘‘ Show us what a coon kin do!” ‘You are good fer et, you bet ye are!” Them, and abont a thousand other yaups, t-) encourage him. 7 Ther nig walked as ef ter pick out a easy side ter tackle, but one side wuz jest as easy as all ther rest, ’parently—ter slide down. “ Wull, beuah goes fer et!” thercoon holler- ed, and he mind up and grabbed areund that pole ag ef ch wuz his best gi: L that he wanted { And he did hug, you bet he did, and purty soon ther sweat was pourin’ off his ace, Et was soon hard ter tell which was ther most shiny, ther coon or ther pole. Jeff hugged fer all he was worth, tryin’ ter climb et, but, bless yer life, he couldn’t git a foot clear av ther ground ter save his soul. He was game all ther same; he didn’t give up till ther feller in charge hol- lered time, and then he fell back with a dry rrin. “Golly!” be said, ‘“‘dat am pow’ful stiff clim’; hit am fo’ shua!” All he bad done was to wipe off some ov ther grease fer ther next feller, ana the next feller, as I said, was ther Swede. ““Now, Nels, hump yourself!” somebody hollered. ‘(Make a run an’ a yump, and grab on half-way up ther thing!” some other feller whooped up. ‘*Yas, Aa’m a-goin’ to maak a try at it, anyhow,” ther Swede declared, as he rubbed his hands together and got ready. ‘‘ Aa’m yackass enough fer anything, yust to maak fun!” Wull, he took holt whar ther nig left off, and bein’ fresh, he did git up a foot or two, but when he struck new grease he beyan ter backslide in a way that would have struck terror to ther heart ov any other kind ov a congregashun but ther one that was assem- bled thar. ‘*Go et, Swede!” “* Git thar, Nels!” ‘*Hang on with yer ha’r!” ‘‘Grip fast with yer teeth!” ‘* Anyhow er tall ter git thar, no matter!” «Lick et off with yer tongue as ye work yer way along!” Only asample of ther million or two ov complymints that wur showered at him while he was makin’ his try. But, et was no use. When ther time was up, thar was Nels siill wormin’ at that pole and tryin’ ter reach a foot higher than he could git, but he had ter drop and take a back seat. ; Et was ther same with ther three or four others before et kem to my pard, though one ov ’em did make a purty decent effort to do somethin’, and got up a couple ov yards, mebby. “Now, then, Cricker!” ther throng. oii “I'm right here, you bet!” bellered You- bet, steppin’ out. ‘‘Think ov that fifty, Bob,” T encouraged. ‘Bt all pends on you, so do yer little best.’ “You mind my clothes and money, Cy,” he retorted, turnin’ tome. I could see his ter swim onsteady, er, no Cross eyes wuz beginnin’ thanks ter that bar’l in ther su doubt. “Shur,” said I. ; RA 3 “* And I’ll look out fer this,” said Bob. Ther crowd was yellin’ like mad, now, and Bob stepped up and tackled et. I wuz hopin’ that he would reach ther top, but all ther same I knowed he wouldn’t— knowed he couldn’t do et nohow. Bob hooked .on. sche epee ‘*Give him a ladder!” some fellow hol- lered. 2 “Give him a fair show, wull ye?” I sassed back at him. ati hull world with a stick in et!” uh ‘Then don’t stick in your lip besides, my friend,” I bellered, and I wobbled iP step in his direction. a. Cae ts ke AP, “‘Mebby you think Pctad make me keep» my lip out,” sez ther feller. | _, as ‘and seri I kin do et, too,” said I, ‘g fookin’ war-like, atin 1) bathe te _Et might ov kem ‘to @ scrap, but Bob let — go his holt and turned around to me and neue like eee aus rae 3 Mato “See byer, Cy. vou have ee) do to mind ti clothes; you: i Mota ? ils ah i} ‘ ae s Spates! vk NLS Ty EY WN Th Matyas + ie othe pe: § ‘ hollered ‘A show! Great Scott! he has got ther — a a get ‘enough ter — ¥
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EPO eng eget oe You-BetsaBob’s Circus. i rest ov et to me. I will ’tend to him when I git done here, so he’ll wish his grammother was his uncle.” ; : ; q ‘« All right, ef you say so, pard,” said I, : ' and 1 settled down in my bones again, fer ther eartn was gittin’ rocky, I’m tellin’ ye. I ; j wusht that I had left that bar’l alone. io Wull, my pard tried and he tried, and he 1 puffed and snorted and swore, but et wasn’t no sort ov use. He did git up furder'n any other feller yet, but he didn’t git to ther top, which was clear out ov sight, both figgery and litterly, fur as I was concerned at any rate, Ue had ter give et up. CHAPTER XV. HORRIBLE DISCOVERY, Er looked as ef that fifty dollars was safe, I mean, that et was safe to ther man what -had put et up, which was ther landlord ov ther Grand Central. Ther next fool in ther batch was ther ‘sure-enough fool, Silly Gilly, and thur was ®’lar hooray when he kem up to ther ole fer his try. He looked ther yahoo that @ was, “* Bob,” said I, ‘‘ ye didn’t git thar,” **Wull, ye needn’t fling rts my face,” he grumbles. “T ain’t a flingin’,” said I, ‘‘ I’m only sorry fer that fifty.” “Ther Old Scratch himself couldn’t climb rs ’ar pole,” You-bet asseverated, scowlin’- ike, “Mebby ther fool will do et,” I opined. ““Him?” with a snort, ‘“He won ther race,” I ’minded him, ““Wull, he has got somethin’ else ter do now,” informed Bob. ‘He ain’t in a bag ter turn sumbletets now. Come, let's go change, and try that bar’l ergain; 1 am dry, after that.” ‘‘No, we must see ther fun out first,” I told him, and I stuck to. We sort ov leaned together, to stand straight, fer things wuz beginnin’ to go Tound some, and we fell to watchin’ ther antics ov that fool. ler crowd was whoopin’ and yellin’ and makin’ ali gorts ov fun ov him, fer he didn’t seem ter make any more OV a go ov et than ther nig had done in ther fu’st place, but he didn’t mind et. “Spit on yer hands,” some one told him, . “Take off yer shocs,” some one elge kind- x ly advised him. ay _.. He had on a pair ov reg'lar hobnail gaiters tye) | that looked like cut-down stogies, : ae fast with yer chin!” hollered my ard, Be eee 2) yr ! a ] “Why didn’t you do that?” some feller | bellered’ at my pard. _ _ ‘Hook on with yer nose!” some one else - yauped out, i “Take fast with yer eyewinks!” ‘“Make use ov yer ears!” “Crook yer neck!” “Hump yer back!” ‘Bend yer shins!” “Dig in yer elbows!” And about forty billyun other things wuz said, none ov which seemed ter help ther case a bit. Ov a suddent that feller stopped short. He took a long breath, linked his fingers to- gether on ther other side ov ther pole, and a fe brought them ‘ar shoes ov his’n into play. ~ Would ye believe et! He stiffened. out them ‘ar legs of his’n, pullin’ hard on his arms, legs and arms almost touchin’, and he walked up that ’ar pole almost like a fly Fact, sure as I’m aa livin’ liar! ‘ On ther top ov ther pole was a bottle ov whisk, tied thar with a string, and ther fel- r what climbed et got that, too, Ididn’t cnow et was thar till my pard told me, and then I knowed why he had almost killed would walked up ther side of ther house! ay 0" ! ter me no bigger’n a fly, up thar, and I couldn’t see ther pole er tall—et was endless tall, ‘‘Bob, kin ye see him?” I ’quired. ‘No, but I see ther bottle,” said Bob. “What bottle?” said I, and et was then he | told me. Hearin’ that, I strained my eyes to ther utmost, and I made et out. Thar was ther fool, with one arm linked over ther top ov ther pole and his legs twisted around et, and he had his head back and ther bottle to his mouth like he was a baby takin’ pap. ‘‘Ther darn fool will drink et all!” I had to yelp out. ** Jest like a fool,” grumbled Bob. Buthe whispered: ‘‘No matter, Cy; we know whar et grows,” ‘‘ You bet,” said I—‘‘ whar it bubbles and gurgles,” But, the fool didn’t drink et all; he put in ther stopper and hollered: ‘* Ketch!” Glory! I thought ther hull popylation ov ther hull earth had come together in one grand collision! Thar was a rush; every man jack in ther crowd hollered ‘‘ Me!” and et was a matter ov life and death in a fraction ov a second. And in ther midst ov et all down kem ther bottle! Et took ther Swede plump on ‘her top ov his sconce, and I tell you et more’n made him ‘‘ yump!” Thar was a grand scramble, and a free fight, forthwith, Me and Bob stood embracin’, fer things was gittin’ so rocky about then that we could hardly keep on our pins. “‘ Bob,” Laxed him, ‘‘ ain't et glorious?” ‘«Et’s gittin’ so,” acceded my pard. “* Let’s go back to that bar’].” “Bob,” said I, ‘‘et won’t do; we'll git cornered, sure as you live, and that will give et away.” ‘*Wull, Cy, you ain’t fur from corned now,” he testified.. ‘‘ Ef I was as near to et as you are, I would want ter finish ther job right off quick and be done with et,” ‘« And ef I was haff as near to et as you are,” retorts I, ‘I would think I was corned about enough and Jet et alone as a finished job. Ther fact ov ther business is, you are drunk, and I won’t be held ’sponsible fer ye ef you go baok to that bar').” ‘Do ye mean ter ‘sult me?” hollered ob. ‘« Take et that way ef ye want to,” bellered ‘*Give me my clothes,” said he—‘‘ quick!” “Take ’em,” said I, jest as quick. I heaved ther togs at him, and scoopin’ ’em as he best could he went zigzaggin’ to’rds ther hotel, me follerin’, «Don’t lose yer money, Bob,” I called out loud at him. ‘* Never mind mine, you look out fer ourn,” he jest shouted back at me. ‘‘That pole made ye dizzy, didn’t et?” I asked him. ‘And lookin’ at et made you so,” he an- swered me. Meantime—thar hadn’t been much—ther fight over that bottle was goin’ on red-hot, and nobody noticed me and Bob and we got ip ther suller again all right and shut ther oor, Bob was goin’,straight fer that bar’l, but I hooked onto him and held him back. ‘* Bob,” said I, ‘* git your clothes on first.” ‘* What fur?” he asked, a wonderin’. “You'll never git ’em on afterwards,” I pep einen, apr y hangin’ on to him I ’suaded him to do that, and he got dressed. ‘*Now soon’s he had his right clothes on. mean to let go till ’m full!” - . ** You will let go when I think you have fera finisher!” he ejaculates, **T don’t mself to git to ther top. Ther fool looked ' enough,” said I, ‘tif I have to kick holes in ye to make ye let go. You don’t want to fergit that thar are two of us to be filled.” Wecould see purty well by that time, and by holdin’ fast to each other we managed to keep ther suller floor from bulgin’ high enough to knock our brains out against ther beams overhead, though et seemed ter be rockin’ like a yearthquake all ther time. We got to ther bar’l and thar Bob let go ov me and took ther bar’l into his fond embrace. He had trouble gettin’ down, fer ther bar’L bobbed up and knocked his brains out two or three times ’fore he got ther business end. of ther thing to his mouth. ‘*’Urn ’er on,” he gurgied to me, then. ‘‘On she goes,” and I guv ther thing a turn and leaned back. ‘<’Urn ’er on, ’urn ’er on!” sputtered Bob, with ther thing in his mouth. ‘Et is turned on,” I answered him. ‘‘ Are you so blame drunk that you don’t know et?” “T say ain’t urned on,” sald Bob. *‘’Urn ’eron! You needn’t think you kin fool me,” he bellered, lettin’ go his hold to say et, and I leaned over to look and see. Sure enough, et wasn’t turnea on, but off. I guv et another turn, lookin’ ter see ther flood that would pour out all over my pard’s head, fer I turned et cl'ar on, but thar wasn’t no flood. Then a thought hit me so hard that ther suller stood still ther same instant. 1 looked, I felt; sure enough, we had left et leakin’ before, and ther hull bar'l oy light- nin’ was gone! Me and Bob was out in the cold CHAPTER XVI ME AND BOB GIT NIGH HUNG, ‘Urn et on, ’urn et on!” my pard kept a-hollerin’, and he was gittin’ spotted ’cause ther juice didn’t flow. ‘** Bob,” said I, wantin’ to break ther news to him gentle-like, ‘‘et has been turned on a good while. Ther fact ov ther business is, we left et turned on when we quit before.” “*Durnashun!” and Bob got up, quick. “Ther bar’l is empty,” I explained. “You are right, so et is,” said he, liftin’ it easy. ** Who is yer undertaker?” 1 asked him. ‘* Why do -ye say that?” he demanded for to know. “You will need him,” said I, significant- y. ““What fer?” said he, as if a-wonderin’ whar his wits war at. ‘‘Samson will kill ye,” I notified him. ‘* Well, you will be in et too, anyhow,” said he. That was ther trouble; what 1 wanted was to git out ov it if I could. ‘‘Et was you coaxed me on,” I asserted. ‘“‘T wouldn’t thought ov such a thing ef et hadn’t been fer you.” ‘‘You area liar,” he yowled, jest as plain as that. ‘That was ther excuse Adam made when he e’t ther apple, but et didn’t work. He didn’t need no coaxin’ and neither did you.” “That wasn’t a bar’l ov whisk,” I jist. re- minded him, : ‘* Bt was on ther same principle,” said he; ‘* et was a apple.” “Well.” said I, ‘‘ what are we goin’ to do about et?” . ‘“‘T’m awfully sorry et’s wasted,’’ said ‘he. “J wush I had more ov et inside, then et wouldn’t worry me a bit.” “Ther landlord will mackerel,” I opined: wouldn’t pull ther hole in after me.” ‘No use whinin’; jest keep a stiff upper. . lip,” Bob advised. “That’s right,” said I. Et was remarkable how that ’maginary h ae had subsided in sech a short e. . be Ther floor of ther suller wasn’t more’n half as rolly as et had been before, and we found kill us deader’n | — ‘‘T wush I could find - a hole to crawl into, and blame meef I ~
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14 You Bet Bob’s Circus. ther stairs without knockin’ our brains out more’n three or four times apiece. ‘What are ye goin’ to say to him?” I axed. ‘We won’t say nothin’ less he finds et out, then he will do all ther sayin’ himself,” ‘*T can’t look him in ther eyes,” I declar- ed. “ you couldn’t do et anyhow, gimbly as you are in ther knees,” asserted Bob. Mebby he was right, and right thar laid anotherdanger: Mebby ther landlord would pat notice et’and tumble to ther racket, ee Wecouldn’t stay thar, however, so we went anes up ther steps and out into ther bar-room where ther crowd was jest assemblin’ to help Silly Gilly liquidate his prize. Ther poor fool hadn’t even been allowed ter have thermoney in his own hands, Ther committee showed et to him, but that was all, and hustled him off to treat ther multytoods on his good fortune. Et was ruther rough on Gilly, as I said to my pard. It looked as if ther hull camp was crowded into that bar-room, and so we wasn’t noticed. We could ’a’ got out, got our ponies, and out ov ther town ef it hadn’t been fer Bob, but he felt jest good enough to be reckless. ** Count us in that, too!’ he hollered out. **T have got a dollar in that thar fund, and TU as leev take et out in trade as not. Come along, |Cy, squeeze up to ther rack some- whars!” oF He led ther way, and I follered to see that Boia he had a fair showin’ fer his money. Tam money! Not even ther ring ov et was is, Samson behind ther bar was as busy as he could be, handin’ out his jag-juice, but ov a sudden he hollered: ‘* Here, you Bill!’ to his handy man. ** Take this measure and go down suller and draw et full, double quick! Don't be a minute about et, ferther gentlemen are wait- in’!” Pot He flung a big copper measure over ther heads oy ther throng, and his man caught et and started fur ther suller. I looked at Bob, Bob looked at me. “‘What now?” said I. ** Circus,” said he. And et hit me hard that he was more’n haff right. ‘** Hadn’t we better slope?” I asked him. ‘* Better limber our necks fer hangin’,” said e. ‘* We'll have to lie,” said I. “We'll bave ter lay,” said he. ““What d’ye mean?” I asked him. “Don’t you know et’s a sin ter lie?” said he. ‘‘ What did that feller say this morn- in’? We'll have ter lay—lay low.” - “Td like ter lay him!” 1 snarled, when I thought ov et all. ‘Ef et hadn’t been fer him we wouldn’t be in this fix now. But, we had better have business some’rs else.” It was too late. Jest at that minute thar kem a sound from ther regions below. At first et was a low growl, then next a rumble, and immijitly follerin’ that et was a reg’lar thunder. I felt pale all over. Up kem that feller, his measure empty, and his eyes wur open like two sassers. ‘*Ther stuff is gone!” he yowled. ‘Ther bar'l is empty, and thar ain’t no likker to be had! Somebody has turned ther spiggy and let ther juice all run out on ther floor!” ‘That landlord turned as pale as.ary ghost. _ “*Empty?” he screamed, showin’ white in the gills. “Bone dry,” said ther man; ‘‘ not a smell here.” Et was jest what I looked fer; his eyes turned right onto me and Bob. ‘*Did you fellers do that?” he roared. “Did ye? By ther glitterin’ ye 7 ov night, pity ye will hang as high as Hangman!” Ithink that was ther name he guv. “Do hey think we are hogs?” asked Bob, a bristlin’ up. act Tash} : : “‘That’s ther question,” I backed him up, though I was at thertime tremblin’ so at ther knees that I could hardly stand. **Did yer do et?” ther landlord ’sisted, ugly as a rattler. “Do yer think a citerzen ov Cross Crick, all in good and reg’lar standin’, would be guilty ov sich a haynous crime?” asked Bob, with dignity. ‘*That’s right!” I backed him, my very despurashun makin’ me say somethin’ to keep my heart from stoppin’. ‘Did you ever hear ov a citerzen ov Cross Crick wast- in’ good whisk?” **Did you touch that bar'l?” howled ther landlord. ; ‘* No need ter ask ’em,” hollered some fel- ler. ‘*See how their eyes is swimmin’; ain’t that enough?” Et was enough. Samson was over that bar in a bound, and he lighted right,onto me and my pard, like a hog on the sassage peddler. Ther very wust that I had antissypated then kem to pass. He lifted ‘us both clear ov ther floor and banged our heads to- gether till he beat our brains out then and thar. ‘* A pair of dead beats!” he yelped. ‘Hang ’em!” roared the crowd. “They will be past et, when I git done,” he preached. 1 believed him; his corrugated countenance was convincin’. You never in all your born days seen a madder crowd ’n what that was. Ef we had been d:.uble-dyed hoss-thieves, they couldn’t used us wuss ’n what they did, you bet. Ther crime we had done was somethin’ that nothin’ could atone fur. It was a holi- day, and thar was a hull brand-new bar’] ov whisk’ let to run to waste—only think ov ther magnytond ov our ’fense! Wull, when ther landlerd got done with us he heaved us into a corner, limp as two dish-clouts, and then ther crowd took us in hand. They had got ropes, in ther mean time, and they dragged us out by ther boot- straps, bumpin’ our heads down ther steps regardless. They meant business, thar was no doubt about et, and I said my little pray’r as I rode along on my back! CHAPTER XVII. THER NEXT GAME ENTERED. We would been hanged, jest as sure as sunset, if et hadn’t been fer that nat’ral born yahoo, Silly Gilly! When we cake been dragged about half- way to ther nearest tree, that loonytick kem runnin’ up on his burro, yellin’ wuss’n ary wild Injun you ever heard tell ov in your born days. ‘*They didn't do et!” was ther burden ov his song. ‘*They didn’tdo et! they didn’t do et!” ; ‘* Yas they did, too!” bellered ther ring- leader ov our captors. . *‘ No they didn’t! no they didn’t!” he kept repeating. And that burro took to kickin’ in a way that made every man ov ’em dodge fer his life, and ther fool couldn’t no more hold et down than nothin’, They had ter drop us and back off, and when they had done that, ther burro sort o’ quieted down and rubbed his nose around as ef ter see what damage had been done. ‘** What d’ye mean by runnin’ that lump o’ jumpin’ dynamite in hyer?”’ yowled ther ringleader, madder’n a porcupine defendin’ its young. ‘*How could! help et * Tobias ain’t a kitten.” ‘*No, ye are right he ain't. But, what d’ye mean by sayin’ these two cut-throats ‘from Cross Crick is innercent?” ‘*’Cause, I seen another man sneak out ov that suller when 1 wason ther pole,” an- swered ther fool. ‘‘ I could look right down ?” piped up ther fool. in over ther doors, ye know, and et wasn’t these men,” Me‘ Bob never knowed whether he lied or told ther truth, the delightful. We s’pected that be lied, after what foller- ed later on, ter show his good will to us fer savin’ him his dinner, but we don’t know et, fer shure, Ther fact ov ther matter was, he ’peared too tarnel much ov a fool to invent ther story, and yet he wasn’t séch a fool that h2 couldn’t— But, hold on! No use tellin’ till ther time comes. Wull, thar was a big pow-wow, as ter whether we should be hanged or not, and Bob was interested in et, you bet! Thar we wuz, ther ropes already ’round our necks, Et must ’a’ been a hard temptation fer ther citizens ov Hold-up ter resist, seein’ that it was a holiday and that a hangin’ would be one ov ther greatest ov events. Bob made a big speech in our behalf after which I follered with a few ramb lin’ remarks to ther effect that ef we had poured out that likker in that manner we deserved wuss’n hangin’; we deserved bein’ shut up fer life as ther plumbgonest loonyticks that ever infester’d ther earth. Ther upshot ov et all wuz, we wuz let ter go free, and I tell ye we could walk com siderable straight, by that time. ‘*Gentlemen,” said my pard, about then, ‘et is our treat.” That turned ther balance, jest bet your socks! , I wasn’t a bit slow in takin’ ther hint, you may rely, and I follered suit, ter wit: “Yes, et’s our treat. Come right erlong, boys, and ef we can’t find one thing we’l) try and give ye another. We must drink to ther health ov Silly Gilly, ther butt ov ther buttes! but a fool with a head on ’im, as )’ll orate all day!” fe see, we had heard ther general la- mentashun throughout ther town that thar was no more drink to be had. All ther smaller places had run out long before, and that bar’] was cne that Samson had laid in only a little while before in order to have a Thanksgivin’ cinch that would come in at the end and rake the jack-pot. No wonder he was mad! , ‘What will ye treat us with?” one feller demanded. ** Anything that’s to be had,” Bob asserted like a Jaw-breeder. ‘‘Thar ain’t nothin’ to be had, though.” “Then we'll take water,” said I, “D'ye want ter give us ther colic?” an- other feller bellered. ‘‘ Under ther circumstances, we can’t treat, then,” explained Bob. ‘‘But wait till ye come over to Cross Crick!” Et looked as if ther fun fer that day was done; but et wasn’t, though et was a strict | Prohibition town fer ther rest ov ther day Not a smell ov juice was ter be had fer love or money. As fer Samson, he was in sackcloth and ashes, speakin’ figgery. Ther next thing on ther programme was a tub-race in ther crick, not a long ways from ther camp center, and as thar was nothin’ left in town to hold the crowd thar, every- body went out to see the race. “Cy,” said my pard, ‘‘shall we enter?” “You kin ef you want to,” said I; ‘‘ you seem ekal to it.” “T climbed ther pole,” he reminded. obstinate-like. on. ‘*Et’s your turn,” said he, meaning me, wet,” I objected. “And yer money, I s’pose.” ‘* Jes’ so,” said I. “T’m afraid ov gettin’ my store clothes **No, I be blamed ef you did!” said J, e. 5 Pes “Then make a try at this,” I sicked him “Well, I made a try at et, anyhow,” said. at
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hod re] Ls ar | man who hadn’t paid his washee. ae ey ‘ s You-Bet Bob’s Circus. 15 “Pf that is all, I kin hold that fer ye,” said he. ** And you won’t pay ther landlord, either?” said I. ‘“‘ Nary!” and then we both had to laff. All ther same we ’quired what ther prize | fer ther race was ter be, and we learned to | our amaze that et was a quart oy whisk’. Glory! my pard was out ov his coat in two winks, same as about a hundred more, and as thar wasn’t but about twenty tubs et was a scramble to see who would git them, Et was even so; a quart ov whisk’ had been laid by on purpose fer that, and it was tied to a stake about a hundred yards up ther crick between ther walls ov ther little can- yon out ov which ther erick run, and thar et was, safe and sound, when et was p’inted out, Thar wasn’t but twenty tubs, as I said, and it looked as if thar wuz as many men fightin’ fer each tub. I must tell ye that ther prize was a hard one ter win, Ther crick, ’tween ther rocks, was narrer, deep and swift, and it looked as if that prize was safe, far as reachin’ et in a tub was concerned. And thar was no way to reach et ‘cept by ther water. Ther bottle had been put thar by a feller in a boat, about ther only way possible. Well, that fight was a hot one, now I’m tellin’ ye, In about twenty seconds ther bottoms had been knocked out ov haff ther tubs, in ther melee, and et didn’t take but about as many seconds more to finish ther rest ov ’em in ther same way. Ther race was off. But, thar was that temptin’ bottle of wake- ”em-up. the only remainin’ drop in that hull town! It wouldn’t. ’a’ made haff ther ’citement ef et had been a bottle ov yaller dust, you kin bet your life. Why, ther galoots ov Hold- up fairly went wild to git et, and my pard was about ther wildest, so I jedged. ‘*Swim fer et, You-bet, swim fer et!” I hollered out to him, like the preacher at South Platte when his wife was baptized and got drownded, A ‘Bet yer life we'll swim fer et!” ther hull blame crowd hollered to oncet, and off they splashed. Ov all ther fun you ever seen in all yer born days! No sooner would one feller git a little ahead than all ther rest would pull him back and poke him under ther water. I don't know as any was drownded, but et ‘was a miracle they wasn't. Up ther crick they went, in'a slow, straight line, as fast as they could fight to ther front, and et was a case of which one had ther most wind and grit. But, what would be ther use? Ef they got ther bottle they would only spill et fight- n’ fer et, and they wouldn’t git a smell fer all their trouble. True, et might flavor ther water ov ther crick a trifle, but only enough to make et aggravatin’. ~ But, on they went, as I said, crazy as bed- bugs to git that last quart of booze, and a-howlin’ wuss’n ary pack oy demons yer imagination kin kunjur up or down, Purty soon thar was pullin’ ov another kind. Durn me ef thar didn’t £0 that blame yahoo, Silly Gilly, ther howlin’ ijjit of ther buttes, straight up ther bank on that thar burro of his’n! They knowed what he was oy to do, the _ minute they ’spied him, anc went up was deafenin’. But, that didn’t the yell that stop Silly, not a bit et didn’t; he went right on, all samee as if he war a Chinaman aftera When he had rode as fur as he could, which was past ther crowd, by a good deal, _ he turned that burro into ther water and ther critter went swimmin’ like ary straight fer ther stick to which that ‘bottle ae Ae ve rat, = was tied, and ther crowd was so bitin’ mad | both shook our heads in a sorry way. that they began fer ter shoot, Ther bullets spattered around that fool like rain, almost, and I don’t see how et was | he uasn’t killed ten times over, but he seem- ed ter be charmed, and not a blame one ov ’em touched him. He went straight on, not so much as dodgin’, and when he got to ther stick he took off ther bottle, same as he had ther one from ther pele, and took a drink to ther health ov ther crowd! CHAPTER XVIII. A FOOL FER LUCK. A MADDER crowd you never seen, They fired their last shots in one big volley, but still ther fool wasn’t touched. Ef he had come back that way I reckon he would ’a’ been hanged, but he didn’t do that; when he had took his drink he went on up ther crick, and that was ther last seen ov him, fer some time. He war the fool that didn’t get fooled. ; That closed ther sport oy ther day, barrin’ the weddin’ in the evenin’. When that crowd got out ov ther crick and straggled to ther town cepter. et looked as if thar had been a wholesale baptizin’. And et was observable that a good many ov ’em walked straighter ’n they had walked before. Well, it was growin’ night, and as ther earth had stopped in a measure its heavin’ and rollin’, me and Bob was gettin’ some hungry. ‘* Bob,” I requested, ‘‘ what's fer supper?” ‘*A bullet, ef we go near that hotel,” my pard notified. ‘But, I’m hungry,” I had to insist. ‘«Me, too,” said he; ‘‘ awful empty.” We thought et over, and purty soon we hit onto a pian that we thought might work. We went on a run fer ther hotel, hard as ever we could go, Bob ahead and me not fur behind him, and mea-yellin’ at the top ov my lungs. Into ther shebang went Bob, and he slam- med right up to ther bar and hollered out that he wanted to pay his bill—our bills, ruther—’fore J could git thar, and wanted to know how much, He was in dead earnest, to all ’pearances. Ther landlord was recknin’ up ther sum, and Bob jammed his hand into his pocket, all wet as he was, and thar his hand stnek. He tzied ter pull et out, swearin’ hard all ther while, and while he was in: that fix I rushed in, still hollerin’, and I told ther land- lord not to take a cent of his money, Then we had a scene sim’lar to t’other one, and with guns drawed on each other we marched in to supper, tellin’ that landlord to charge et up to us, and each one promisin’ that he would pay, even if he had to kill t other in order to git a chance. So, we got our supper, but when we kem out that.landlord was layin’ for us. He col- lared us, ’fore we had any chance to git out our guns, and there and then he knocked our brains out some more and otherwise mal- treated and maimed us, When he got done with us we had that tired feelin’ mighty bad. And incidentally he had let out that he was on to our game. Somehow he had found out that we had been robbed by ther same road-agent that had robbed Silly Gilly ov his wealth, and r tell you he took et out ov our hides with all due interest. He was big enough ter do et, takin us unawares like he did, and we had ter grin and bear et. But, when he flung us out through a side winder, one after t’other, that was ther last straw—et like to broke our backs “‘Bob,” I orated, ‘‘ let’s go home.” “1am willin’, Cy,” said he. «Bf you go you will walk,” said ther land- lord from ther winder. ‘I will hold onto them ponies ov yourn,” - looked at Bob, he looked at me, and we Ther crowd was laffin’ wild, and we got up out ov that and started in ther direction ov Cross Crick afoot. j When we got to ther head ov ther gulch, though, who should we meet but that fool Gilly, and he stopped us. He had some of that stuff in ther bottle left, and he guv us a lick at et. —applied et inwardly, 1 mean, and felt bet- ter—in ward and outward. ‘*But, whar are ye goin’?” we asked him. ‘« Ef ye go back thar they will hang ye.” ‘I’m goin’ fer them four dollars ov mine,” said he, We wuz surprised, forthwith. ‘‘] have got onto.him,” said Gilly. ‘I thought et was him, and now I know et He | has jest been to ther place where he had his wealth hid, to git somethin’, and now he has gone back.” ‘“«Who is he?” we asked, sort ov fevery. ‘Come on back and see,” said ther fool, and dyin’ ov curiosity we went with him. When we got back to ther camp center ther weddin’ ov the mine manager's darter - wuz just on, and ther crowd was standin’ in front ov ther manager’s house to see ther knot tied. Et was takin’ place on ther peeazzy, ’cord- in’ to programme, and thar was that. dude 1 have mentioned before, as slick as a feather in his dress suit and kid gloves, lookin’ as if he had jest been handed down from a Chris’mus tree: and ther bride was still pur- tier. A preacher was on hand, and when he asked in sollum voice if anybody had any- thing to say ’gin’ that union, up piped ther yahoo. ‘* Yes, I have!” he hollered, right thar. Forthwith, then, he prances that thar burro straight up to ther peeazzy and right onto ther top, sendin’ ther wimmen into fits, almost, And that dude, “his face was like chawk. ‘““What do you mean, fool?” squawked ther mine manager, “1 mean that that feller is ther paper-bag — road-agent!” chinned ther fool. ‘‘He has got my four dollars! And the money of the Cross Crick boys—that’s what!” ‘* Surr-rr rr-rah!” chattered ther dude, stif- fenin’ up till he looked like a man made ov candy. ‘*‘ What do you m-m-mean?” **] mean my four dollars,” respired ther fool, coverin’ him withither wu’st-lookin’ old gun you ever seen in your life. ‘‘ You can’t lie out ov et, either!” And then, straightway, ther fool ov ther buttes told his story, too long to be retold hyer, and ther dead wood was on that feller so hard that he couldn’t git out ov et nohow. He was’rested, then and thar; ther wed- din’ was off, and a committee was ’p’inted to go to ther place ther fool said and see ef et was as he said. Me and Bob was on that committee, you bet, lookin’ fer our wads, and you kin kick me fer a galoot ef we didn’t — git ‘em!—every durn pistareen. Ye see, that fool had taker closter survey ov ther feller than we had, and had noticed sartain marks on his hands, and keepin’ his eyeg peeled, had found him out in ther fine a was to have married ther purty ga syour fife on that! and ther mayor ov ther ll he could do ter keep ther crowd | ‘cam : from in’ a hangin’-bee after all. As fer me Bob, we got our panies in ther 'cite- ment and sloped fer home. We still owe ends ther spin, Thar is Old Noah Web., still in ther corner whar I flung him, and I leave et to the reader ef I haven’t done a purty good. lick — without him. fay yaar THE END. ges We applied et to our hurt feelin’s — , didn’t that make a jubilee! Bet — arn that I set out ter ity
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BEADLE'’S« H ALF- DIME« LIBRARY. Published Every Tuesday. Each Isswe Complete and Sold at the Uniform Price of Five Cents, by all Newsdealers.. ' 988 The Two Deadwood Dick Novels. 1 Deadwood Dick, the Prince of the Road. 20 Deadwood Dick’« Defiance; or, Double Daggers. 28 Deadwood Dick in Disguise: or, Buffa)> Ben 85 Deadwood Dick in His Oaatle, 42 Deadwood Dick’s Bonanza 01, The Phantom Miner. 49 Deadwood Dick in Danger; or, Omana Ol). 67 Deadwood Dick’s Eagles; or, The Pardes of Flood Bar. 78 Deadwood Dick on Deck; or, Calanity 4 ine, the Heroine ZZ Deadwood Dick’s Last Acts or, Corduroy Charlie. 100 Deadwood Dick In Leadville. 104 Deadwood Dick's Device; or, The Double Cross Sign. 109 Deadwood Dick aa Detective. 129 Deadwood Dick’a Double; or, The Gorgon’s Gulch Ghost. 188 Deadwood Dick’s Itome Base; or, Blonde Bill. Deadwood Dick’s Big Strikes or, A Game of Gold. Deadwood Dick of Deadwood: or, The Picked Party. & Deadwood Dick’s Dreamy or, The Rivals of the Road, Deadwood Dick’a Ward} or, The Black Hill’s Jezebel, 05 Deadwood Dick’« Doom? or, Calamity Jane’s Adventure. ZT Deadwood Dick’s Dead Deal. Deadwood Dick’s Death-Plant. 282 Gold-Dust Dick. A Romance of Roughs and Tovgbs, Deadwood Pick’s Divides or, The Spirit of Swamp Lake. Deadwood Diek’s Death Trail. Deadwood Dick’s Deal; or, The Gold Brick of Oregon. Deadwood Dick’s Dozen; or, The Fakir of Phantom Flats 847 Deadwood Dick’a DPucata; or, Days in the Diggings. Deadwood Dick Sentenced; or, The Terrible Vendetta, Deadwood Dick’a Claim. 405 Deadwood Dick in Deaa City. 410 Deadwood Dick’s Diamonds. 421 Deadwood Dick in New Yorks or, A “Cute Case,” 480 Deadwood Dick’s Dust; or, The Chained Hand. 448 Deadwood Pick, Jr.; or, The Crimson Crescent Sign, Dick, Jr.'s, Defiance, Dick, Jr.’a Full Wand. Dick, dr.’a, Big Round-Up. Dick Jr’s Racket at Claim 10, Dick, Jr.’« Corral; or, Bozeman Bill. Dick, dr.’s, Dog Detective. chs Gros se oan ood, ek, Jr. ompact. Dick Jr.ta, Inherttance, Dick, or.’s pig ings. Dick, Jr’a, Deliverance, mick sre » ina ek, Jr.’a, Three. Dick, dr.’a, Danger Ducka, pieks ay Frqath Munt, ck, dre, in Texas. Dick, Jr., the Wild West Vidoeq Inck, Jr., on Hie Mettle,. Dick, Jr., In Gotham, Dick, Jr., in Boston, Dick, Jr., In Philadeiphia. 4 old srs ta a ck. Jr. oat. Dick. wr.. In Denver. Dick, Jr.%*, Decree, Dick Jr., in Beelzebub’s Basin Dick, Jr., at Coney Island. Dick, Jr.'s, Leadville Lay. Dick, Jr., In Detroit. Dick. Jr. in Cincinnati, Dick, Jr., in Nevada, Dick, Jr., in No Man’a Land, Dick, Jr., After the Queer. , jek Jr.. In Buffalo. Dick, Jr.’a, Chase Acroaa the Continent Dick, Jr., Among the Smugglers. Dendwood 458 Deadwood 459 Deadwood 465 Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood 600 Denawooa Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Veadwooa Deadwood Deadwood 544 Deadwood 549 Deadwooa 554 Deadwood t Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Pend wooa Dead wood 5 Deadwood Deadwood Dendwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwo, A Deadw >4 Deadwo 660 Deadwoot Diek, dra, lusurance Cake. 666 Deadwood Pick, Jr., Baek in the Mines, 672 Dendwood Dick, Jr., {n Durangot or, * Gathered In.” p 43 ee) aed seks a Sy pscarerey critene 8 Eertene 4 Dead wooc ek, dr.’«. Dazzle. 690 Deadwood Dick, Jr.’s. Dollars. 695 Deadwood Dick. Jr., at Danger Divide, 700 Deadwood Vick, Jr.’s, Drop. T0O4 Deadwood Dick, Jr., at Jack-Pot. 710 Deadwood Dick Jr., In San Franlaco. 716 Deadwood Mek, Ire Still Hunt. F222 Deadwood Dick, Jr.’« Dominoes. T2S Deadwood Dick, Jr.’a Diaguleec. TBA Deadwood Dick. Jr.’s, Double Deal, TAO Dendwood Dick Jr.’a, Denthwatch. T47 Deadwood Dick, Jr.’*, Voublet. THz Deadwood Diek, Jr.'s, Deathblow. THR Dendwood Pick, dr.’« Desperate Strait, Diek, Jr.’s, Lone Hand. Dick, Jr.’s Defeat. Dick, dr.’a, Resurrection, Diek. Jr.’« Dark Daya. Dick Jr., Defled. Diek, Jr.’*, Double Device, Dick, Jr’.s, Deaperate Venture, Diek, Jr.'s, Diamond Dice, Dick Jr.’s, Royal Fiush. mire? arcs eae Yiek, dr.’a, Rival. aie de hag Boom, ek, Jr.’a. Scoop. Dick, dr.’a. Proxy. Dick, Jr’a, Clutch, Deadwood Dick, Jr.’a, High Morse. Deatlwood Dick Jr., at Devil's Guleh, Dead wood Dick, Jr.'s, Renth-flole Hustle. Deadwood Dick, Jr.’« Bombshell Deadwood Dick, Jr., in Mextos. Deadwood Dick, Jr’a Decoy Duck. Dendwood Dick, Jr. tn Silver Pocket. Deadwood Diek. Jr.'s, Dead-Sure Game. Deadwood Dicks dr’s, Double Drive. Deadwood Dick, Jr’a, Trade-Mark. Deadwood Dick, Jr., at Tip-Top. Deadwood Dick, Jr.'s Double-Decker. Deadwood Dick, Jr. at Dollarvihe: Deadwood Dick, dr... at Flush Flata 940 Deadwood Dick, Jr.’a, Shake-up. 946 Deadwood Dick, Jr.’s, Double Drop. 95L Deadwood Dick, Jr.’a, Right Bower. 957 Deadwood Dick, Jr.'s, Ten-Strike. 965 Deadwood Dick, Jr.’s, Gold-Dust. Deadwood Peadwood Deadwood Dead wooa Deadwood Poad wood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Deadwood Pend wood Dondwood Deadwood | Deudwoad Deudwood 9TL Deadwood Dick, Jira, Oath, HTT Dendwood Dick, Jr.'s; Death-Doom, 986 Dendwood Dick, Jr.’a, Best Card, 992 Deadwood Dick, dr.; at Gold Dust, 99K Deadwood Dick, Jr.’a, Big Play. 1005 Deadwood Dick, Jr., Branded. ONL Weud vo -d Dick, Jr.’s. Dutch Pard, 1018 Deadwood Dica, 37.’«, Big Four. ‘ BY T. J. FLANAGAN. 909 Midshipman Dare, the Pt Catcher. 925 The Lounge Cowboy Captain: Stidshipimen } or, The Corsair-Chaser’s First Cruise. 949 The Three Lieufenants Pa +4 The Mascot Middy 3 or, The Four*Commanders, 66 Fighting Jack Shubrick. 972 Fighting Jack’s Middles ; or, Dandy Dick’s Dash, 999 Jack Lang, the Privateer Rover. 1014 Mi Ned, tke Runaway. : , ta SRS) ka see Pr . ai ee / SUA he e ie ,*m Spy. By Buffalo Bill. 1080 The Ranches’s Four Millions, . By Leon Lewis, A New Issue Every Tuesday. The Half-Dime Library is for sale by all newsdealers, five eonts per copy, or sent by mail on receipt of six cents each. BEADLE AND ADAMS, Publishers, 92 William Street, New York,