Podcasts · Notes from the Edge

What If Behavior Isn’t the Problem? Childhood Trauma, Adoption, Nervous System Regulation & Trauma-Informed Parenting with Bryan Post

21 Sep 2026 · 54 min · Episode 106

What if the behavior we’re trying to stop is actually trying to tell us something?

Bryan Post is a child behavior expert and creator of the Fear to Love Method whose work challenges parents to see difficult behavior not as defiance, but as communication from a nervous system experiencing stress, fear or unmet needs.

In this conversation, Bryan and Lisa explore what changes when adults stop trying to control behavior and start looking underneath it. They unpack why a stressed parent cannot regulate a stressed child, how consistency creates safety, and why the feelings we learned to suppress in childhood can continue driving our reactions decades later. Bryan also shares his “Reflect, Relate and Regulate” approach and a powerful story illustrating what can happen when a parent gets curious about the fear beneath a child’s behavior instead of immediately trying to correct it.

In this episode:

• Childhood trauma and nervous system regulation • Trauma-informed parenting and difficult behavior • Adoption, attachment and emotional safety • Why punishment and control can intensify stress • Parent self-regulation and co-regulation • How childhood survival patterns follow us into adulthood • Grief, emotional healing and unresolved trauma • Reflect, Relate and Regulate • Moving from fear-based reactions toward connection • Why behavior can be an opportunity rather than a problem

Connect with Bryan:

www.feartolove.com

Connect with Lisa:

www.lisalacy.com

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