Podcasts · Society & Culture

Love in a F*cked Up World

Dean Spade

32 episodes · Explicit

Why do so many of us act our worst in relationships? How can we hold on to our liberatory values even when strong feelings are involved? For 25 years, Dean Spade has been working in movements for queer and trans liberation and to end police, prisons, immigration enforcement, and war. In his new podcast, Love in a F*cked Up World, Dean and his guests offer concrete tools for building and sustaining strong relationships, because our connections to each other are the building blocks of our resistance.

Episodes

  1. Ericka Hart

    · 1 h 01 min · Episode 29 · Explicit

    Send us a message Sex educator and Nasty Work author Ericka Hart joins Dean for a conversation about youth liberation, bodily autonomy, and finding pleasure and joy in our bodies as they change and age. Together, they…

  2. Accountability

    · 25 min · Episode 28

    Send us a message What is accountability? In a society where so much harm is minimized and ignored, many of us long to hold others accountable. At the same time, most of us are pretty defensive when people bring up…

  3. AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo on Confidentiality, Self Care, and Maintaining Friendships

    · 44 min · S2 E27

    Send us a message To kick off Season 2, Jessica Lanyadoo is back to answer more listener questions with Dean. In this episode, they respond to questions about confidentiality, self care, and building and maintaining…

  4. Love and Relationships Across Prison Walls (Part 1)

    · 52 min · Episode 26

    Send us a message Prisons are designed to isolate, break social ties, and destroy communities. Yet, people fight hard to keep relationships going across prison walls, and through all the crises that prisons…

  5. Gossip

    · 16 min · Episode 25 · Explicit

    Send us a message Morgan Bassichis is back talking gossip with Dean. Why is it so hard to tell people things directly? Why is it so hard to keep things confidential? How can we tell whether we’re sharing information…

  6. Resentment

    · 25 min · Episode 24 · Explicit

    Send us a message Tea kettle studies non-expert Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk about resentment—how it can poison our enjoyment of the things we want and need to do, how it can be toxic for groups, how it…

  7. Vicky Osterweil

    · 1 h 17 min · Episode 23 · Explicit

    Send us a message Vicky Osterweil, author of In Defense of Looting, joins Dean for a Trans Day of Visibility event organized by CLAGS (The Center for LGBTQ Studies at CUNY). Dean and Vicky talk about the gorgeous…

  8. Eli Clare

    · 58 min · Episode 22 · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean chats with his friend, the brilliant writer and activist Eli Clare, about his newest book, Unfurl, which Eli describes as a queer disabled love song. Dean and Eli talk about grief and what it…

  9. Benji Hart

    · 56 min · Episode 21 · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean sits down with friend and collaborator Benji Hart, a facilitator, educator, writer, and artist with years of experience in multiracial abolitionist organizing. Together, they discuss their…

  10. Am I Working Too Hard to Fix Myself?

    · 34 min · Episode 20 · Explicit

    Send us a message Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through a listener question about when self-improvement work is too rigorous and/or driven by shame. Morgan and Dean go deep, thinking together about the…

  11. Andrea Ritchie

    · 1 h 05 min · Episode 19 · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean is joined by longtime collaborator and dear friend Andrea Ritchie, author of Practicing New Worlds, Invisible No More, No More Police, and other essential books and toolkits that you can find…

  12. Chani Nicholas

    · 1 h 01 min · Episode 18 · Explicit

    Send us a message Chani Nicholas, queer feminist astrologer and author of You Were Born for This, joins Dean to talk about how she got politicized, how we hold fear and choose purposeful action in these difficult…

  13. Green Dreamer

    · 55 min · Bonus · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean is excited to share an episode of the podcast Green Dreamer, hosted by kaméa chayne. Green Dreamer features thoughtful, engaging interviews with organizers, writers, artists, and thinkers…

  14. Peter Gelderloos

    · 1 h 03 min · Episode 17 · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean speaks (in person!) with Peter Gelderloos, whose work has profoundly shaped Dean’s political development since he first encountered How Nonviolence Protects the State in the early 2000s.…

  15. Holly Whitaker

    · 55 min · Episode 16 · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of…

  16. Giving and Receiving Feedback

    · 19 min · Episode 15 · Explicit

    Send us a message In societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct…

  17. Shira Hassan

    · 53 min · Episode 14 · Explicit

    Send us a message Shira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in…

  18. 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush

    · 19 min · Episode 13 · Explicit

    Send us a message Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's…

  19. AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo (Part 2)

    · 1 h 01 min · Episode 12 · Explicit

    Send us a message Jessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a…

  20. AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo (Part 1)

    · 52 min · Episode 11 · Explicit

    Send us a message Jessica Lanyadoo joins Dean for the first AMA episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Jessica and Dean answer listener questions about how to navigate our relationships with friends in the context of…

  21. Kelly Hayes

    · 56 min · Episode 10 · Explicit

    Send us a message Kelly Hayes joins Dean Spade to talk about the relational work of movement building. In a critical moment in Chicago, Kelly and Dean talk about how to establish the trust needed to take the kinds of…

  22. Weyam Ghadbian

    · 57 min · Episode 9 · Explicit

    Send us a message Weyam Ghadbian joins Dean Spade to talk about Dean's tool 7 Steps for Deescalating a Crush, how Weyam encouraged Dean to discuss the transformative power of love, when attachment theory is useful,…

  23. How to Survive the End of the World: Be My Senpai

    · 1 h 25 min · Bonus · Explicit

    Send us a message Dean is excited to share an episode of one of his favorite podcasts, How to Survive the End of the World, hosted by Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown. In this episode, "Be My Senpai" the sisters…

  24. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

    · 30 min · Episode 8 · Explicit

    Send us a message How can you tell when it's time to leave a relationship with a person, project, job, or group? How can you tell if you have a tendency to walk away too fast or to stay too long in relationships?…

  25. Prentis Hemphill

    · 1 h 02 min · Episode 7 · Explicit

    Send us a message Prentis Hemphill joins Dean Spade in this episode to talk about love, organizing, and healing. They talk about projection, practice, and their approaches to writing books in the self help genre.…

  26. Long Distance and Electronic Communication

    · 30 min · Episode 6 · Explicit

    Send us a message Is sexting sex? And is sexting cheating if someone is monogamous? How can we be clear in our communication and boundaries? Can we feel ok giving a maybe or accepting a no? Morgan Bassichis is back…

  27. Mariame Kaba

    · 1 h 11 min · Episode 5 · Explicit

    Send us a message Mariame Kaba joins Dean Spade for this episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Mariame and Dean talk about the dangers of putting leaders on pedestals in our movements, what to do when you or someone…

  28. What Else is True?

    · 13 min · Episode 4 · Explicit

    Send us a message When we're fixated on something, it may be helpful to ask ourselves What Else is True? Morgan Bassichis joins Dean Spade to walk us through this tool for getting perspective when we're tied up in…

  29. Tourmaline and Morgan Bassichis

    · 1 h 02 min · Episode 3 · Explicit

    Send us a message Tourmaline and Morgan Bassichis join Dean Spade on this episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Tourmaline, Morgan, and Dean talk about how sites of capture and violence, like sexuality, romance and…

  30. Hard Feelings

    · 16 min · Episode 2 · Explicit

    Send us a message Morgan Bassichis joins Dean Spade to talk about how to deal with hard feelings–like jealousy, possessiveness, and control–when they inevitably come up. Morgan and Dean talk about how it doesn't help…

  31. adrienne maree brown

    · 44 min · Episode 1 · Explicit

    Send us a message adrienne maree brown joins Dean Spade for the first episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. adrienne and Dean talk about collectivity, working in fractals to overcome feelings of overwhelm, pleasure,…

  32. Introducing: Love in a F*cked Up World with Dean Spade

    · 1:51 · Trailer · Explicit

    Send us a message For over 25 years, Dean Spade has been working in movements for queer and trans liberation and to end police, prisons, immigration enforcement, and war. His new podcast, Love In A F*cked Up World,…

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