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When Resentment Turns Your Partner Into the Enemy

· 1 h 01 min · S4 E31

Episode When Resentment Turns Your Partner Into the Enemy

0:00 1:01:22

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In this episode of Awf The Record, Jeannette Reyes and Mona Kosar Abdi sit down with therapist and instant New York Times bestselling author Kier Gaines for a raw, honest conversation about vulnerability, masculinity, relationships, and the ways social media is quietly reshaping how we love.

Kier breaks down why men, especially Black men, often struggle to open up, why women are exhausted by the emotional load, and how online comparison, gender scripts, and fear of being played can make connection feel harder than it needs to be. From contempt and tone to emotional maturity, self-healing, and what it really means to do the work, this conversation is a needed reset for anyone trying to build healthier relationships without losing themselves in the noise.

KEY POINTS

00:00 - Introduction: Social media is reshaping love, vulnerability, and conflict

01:35 - Kier reflects on becoming an instant New York Times bestselling author

03:19 - Kier explains why his work blends clinical expertise with real humanity

05:42 - The pressure on Black men to be impenetrable, useful, and unaffected

12:02 - Men are not women’s job to fix, but relationships need more emotional presence

16:09 - Therapy language and how it can also shrink emotional tolerance

17:58 - Social media comparison can quietly damage relationships

24:22 - Kier unpacks women’s emotional load, tone, contempt, and the work of repair

37:25 - What to look for in dating: accountability, listening, kindness, & emotional maturity

42:20 - Vulnerability requires mutual trust, safety, and time

QUOTES

“We can't run from the fact that men don't feel like we have intrinsic value.” – Kier Gaines

“Shame, blame, and guilt-they steal all of your awareness.” – Kier Gaines

“The thing about contempt is it's not just the feeling; it's the narrative attached to it.” – Kier Gaines

GUEST RESOURCES:

Kier Gaines

IG | @kiergaines

It All Starts When You Do: A Therapist's Guide to Overcoming Self-Sabotaging and Work Towards Healing

RESOURCES:

Keep in touch with Awf The Record:

YouTube: @AwfTheRecord

Instagram: @awftherecordpodcast

TikTok: @AwfTheRecord

Mona Kosar Abdi

IG | @monakabdi

Jeannette Reyes

IG | @msnewslady

Keep in touch with Awf The Record: Watch on Youtube: @AwfTheRecord Follow us on Instagram: @awftherecordpodcast Follow us on TikTok: @AwfTheRecord Visit our website: www.AwfTheRecord.com

Follow Mona on TikTok and IG Follow Jeannette on TikTok and IG

Links in the notes 14

Transcript

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