Podcasts · Modern Wisdom

Couples Therapist: Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin -#1146

5 Sep 2026 · 1 h 09 min · Episode 1146 · Explicit

Dr Stan Tatkin is a psychologist, couples therapist, researcher and author.

How can couples effectively navigate and repair emotional wounds? While many believe it’s best to sleep on a conflict, could repairing the rupture quickly actually be healthier? What other habits help a relationship not only survive conflict, but flourish?

Expect to learn why romantic attachment relationships are neurochemically the hardest ones to navigate, if love is enough to maintain a relationship, what the most important agreements couples should make are, why it’s important to have the ability to repair disagreements quickly, why resentment tends to accumulate in relationships, if we learn to truly love ourselves even if no one else ever truly has and much more…

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Are Great Relationships Design or Desire?

(01:09) Why Are Relationships So Hard to Navigate?

(03:09) Is Love Alone Enough to Make Relationships Last?

(09:23) Why Relationship Practicalities Can Be Romantic

(12:49) The Importance of Agreements

(14:56) You Don’t Have to Just Prioritise Your Partner

(16:29) How Memory Shapes Your Threat Response

(27:39) Why Your Partner Can Suddenly Feel Like the Enemy

(32:28) Don’t Let Bad Memories Ruin Your Future

(41:50) The Impact of Distance on Rupture and Repair Conversations

(47:12) Conflict or Incompatibility: How Can You Tell?

(49:21) The “I Can’t Quit You” Biology

(01:02:26) The Top Principles Behind Secure Relationships

(01:07:28) Where to Find Stan

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