Podcasts · What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

DEEP DIVE: Do We Need to Lower Our Standards?

26 May 2025 · 44 min

This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.

When we explain to our partners and families that we need them to pitch in around the house, we sometimes hear back that the real problem is our too-high standards. That if we actually think "doing the laundry" means FOLDING the laundry, instead of leaving it in the dryer, that that is just too high a bar.

Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY, suggests that partners establish a "minimum standard of care" for household duties. But how does that get set? And is that really all it takes?

In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:

• How to use "community standards" to determine minimum standards of care • The tired old idea that women have impossible standards • Why it might be your system that's the problem and not your partner

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Sheila Wray Gregoire for Bare Marriage: EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: HOW DO WE DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE? • Listen to our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky • Eve Rodsky's FAIR PLAY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 • Leslie Goldman for The Cut: The Marriages Hanging On by a $19 Deck of Cards • Buy Lyz Lenz's book THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127

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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity

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Links in the notes 8

• https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2QJZFnJSX9gP4GiCKrP8Su?si=40c54e84091746ec
• https://baremarriage.com/2020/06/emotional-labor-series-minimum-standard-care/
• https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/changing-the-invisible-workload-with-guest-eve-rodsky/
• https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943
• https://www.thecut.com/article/eve-rodsky-fair-play-cards-game-marriage-divorce.html
• https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127
• https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
• https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices