Podcasts · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families
When Grandparents Don't Get It [a listener Q&A]
· 15 min · Episode 1643
Episode When Grandparents Don't Get It [a listener Q&A]
What happens when someone your child should be able to trust leaves them feeling judged, misunderstood, and unloved?
In this heartfelt Q&A, we respond to a mother whose autistic and ADHD daughter was deeply hurt by a visit from her grandmother. Despite years of progress, one family visit triggered emotional setbacks, self-doubt, and the painful belief that "Nan doesn't love me because of who I am."
We explore how parents can help children recover from criticism, reframe damaging messages, rebuild confidence, and move forward when family members simply don't understand neurodivergence.
If you've ever struggled with relatives who undermine your parenting or your child's wellbeing, this conversation will give you practical guidance and hope.
KEY POINTS
• Why criticism makes children feel unloved • The hidden damage caused by judgmental family members • How to help children reframe hurtful experiences • The question that protects kids from unfair criticism • Why empathy is the first step toward healing • How progress and competence rebuild confidence • Supporting neurodivergent children when others don't understand
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"Kids don't get better when you make them feel worse."
RESOURCES MENTIONED
• Occupational Therapy (OT) • Speech Therapy • Submit a question for the podcast! • Happy Families website
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
• Validate your child's feelings before trying to solve the problem. • Help them separate another person's misunderstanding from their own self-worth. • Ask: "Would you seek advice from this person? If not, why listen to their criticism?" • Reframe the story from "They don't love me" to "They don't understand me." • Focus on progress by celebrating growth, strengths, and achievements. • Set meaningful goals that build confidence and competence over time.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Links in the notes 3
Transcript
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