Podcasts · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When “I Don’t Want To” Is Really “I’m Scared”

19 Feb 2026 · 14 min · Episode 1543

What if your child’s resistance isn’t laziness… but fear?

In this heartfelt Friday “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode of the The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie unpack a powerful parenting moment: an 11-year-old who didn’t want to try the 6am surf class — and the surprising truth behind her pushback.

This episode is about competence, courage, friendship, and why slowing down might be the most important thing we do for our kids (and ourselves).

If you’ve ever pushed, pulled, or panicked when your child resisted something new — this one will land.

KEY POINTS

• Why “I don’t want to” often masks “What if I look dumb?” • The hidden power of friendships in building confidence • How to use a “soft entry” instead of forcing commitment • The sweet spot of growth (hello, zone of proximal development) • Why parents need protected, screen-free stillness • The family lesson we forgot after COVID

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Sometimes our kids’ trepidation is less about the activity… and more about feeling incompetent.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Justin’s books and parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au • Research behind capability, autonomy and competence (Self-Determination Theory)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Offer a one-time trial instead of a full commitment • Look for the fear underneath the resistance • Pair new challenges with trusted friends • Protect one quiet hour this week — no screens, no rushing • Let your child grow at the edge of their capability, not beyond it

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Links in the notes 1

• https://omnystudio.com/listener

The episode on the publisher’s site ↗ (opens in a new tab)