5.4: Example Essay

Idea to Essay: Collected Strategies and Readings for the College Writer 4e · LibreTexts

0%

Contents

    Text

    Size
    100%
    Theme
    Typeface
    Line length
    Spacing

    From LibreTexts, under CC BY 4.0, as the source states it; its equations are written in TeX, which the PDF shows typeset. This page at LibreTexts.

    The student essay example below models the use of a thesis statement, topic sentences, introduction and conclusion paragraphs, and several body paragraphs.    

      

    Student’s Name  

    Professor’s Name  

    EG 060  

    Data Submitted

    Walking On Faith  

              Dewnya Bakri-Bazzi is an American Muslim who was born and raised in the state of Michigan. Dewnya is a person who excelled at playing

    basketball and insisted on wearing her hijab as well. In her essay “Sporting Faith,” she shares how she faced a lot of hate for her choice of sticking to her

    religion.  She is a very influential person who stands for something and didn’t back down from criticism.   

              As an American Muslim she’s a role model for the girls that want to be like her. One thing she did that is worth looking up to is that she

    graduated from law school and practices law in Dearborn. All little girls growing up that are in her religion that want to play sports would be able to relate.

    She became a lawyer hoping to help her community in several ways. She wanted to help pass a far-reaching statute for all levels of sports and other daily

    activities.  

              She is a very brave, upstanding woman. Dewnya had people’s voices in her head who were calling her a distraction and saying

    she couldn’t play the sport she loved. Also, she always stood up her religion and refused to take off her hijab when being forced to. Surprisingly, she really

    set a goal to advise Muslim business owners about how to operate their own companies in ethical ways. She once said, “Inspired by my love of sports &

    sense of personal obligation to help other, I have never wavered in my aspirations to follow through with my goals morals” (233). Dewnya has truly proved

    to be a very strong woman and can handle her own.   

              Dewnya has grown to be one of the most caring, loving, outgoing individual. However, with everything she was facing she knew she had to

    play good  almost every game to keep folks respect for her and her religion. Finally, she gained her teammates respect and made them understand what

    her religion prophet taught her. Also, she helped her Christian teammates who came to her to enlighten her on how to get her dress code approved. Her

    teammate used her as a role model to carry out her beliefs; that’s something unique.   

               Ultimately, Dewnya made history and became the first hijab female athlete of the year and the first hijab female to earn her varsity letter in all

    one year. Bakri-Bazzi also got a rare opportunity to become an ambassador for her religion. Dewnya Bakri-Bazzi stood for something she believed in and she

    succeeded; she’s a legend in her own way.   

      

    Works Cited

    Bakri-Bazzi, Dewnya. "'Sporting Faith.'" I Speak for Myself: American Women on Being Muslim, by Maria M. Ebrahimji, Ashland, White Cloud Press, 2011, pp.

              60-64.  

      

    Exercise 5.4: Analyzing the Example Essay  

    After reading the example essay above, analyze where and how you see the student including:  

      

    • The thesis statement  
    • The topic sentence for each body paragraph  
    • Use of P.E.E.L in any body paragraphs  
    • Use of signal phrases and in-text citations for quotations  
    • Also, write down what the strengths you see in the structure and development of this essay as well as how you can apply what you learned from seeing this example.   

    Section Takeaways:  

    • Body paragraphs of an essay develop and support the thesis statement.   

    • Each body paragraph includes a topic sentence with a clear point that supports the thesis statement.  

    • Each body paragraph includes development and support of the topic sentence point with details, which include evidence and explanation.  

    • Different kinds of details, also known as “evidence,” include quotations, statistics, facts, judgments, testimony, and personal observation.  

    • Writers must document any sources they use as evidence in their writing to give credit to the authors’ words and ideas.  MLA is the style used in the areas of English and many of the Humanities.  

    • P.E.E.L. is a helpful strategy to intentionally plan well-developed body paragraphs.   

    • Revising body paragraphs allows for improving support, connection, and clarity.  

        

    This page titled 5.4: Example Essay was last modified on Tue, 23 Jun 2026 15:55:40 GMT and is shared under a CC BY 4.0 license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by The Butler Community College English Department.