5.2: Relationship Management - A Core Skill

Learn About Stakeholders 

• Learn About Stakeholders
  • Work Level: Roles, responsibilities, and their influence in the organization
  • Personal: Personalities, hobbies, and interests, including sports
  • Emotional: Known display of emotions and triggers
  • Their interest and expectations from the project
    • Assess your view of their role and their ability to help the project
  • Communication Methods: Is it email, phone, online, or in-person
    • Through weekly one-on-ones or on an as-needed basis only?
• Ways to Engage with Stakeholders
  • Value their time—set up a short meeting when needed with a clear agenda and ask
  • To get to know them better (establish an emotional connection), ask for off-work meetings but settle for what they can accommodate
  • Learn and apply the relationship management skills described in the rest of the sections in this chapter.

Model of Trust

Strong relationships are not built overnight. Getting to know someone at a deeper level takes time, and most importantly, it takes trust. Building trust with a person is not a one-time occurrence; it takes continual investment. Building on that idea that trust is built over time in small moments, Feltman (2011) shares a model in which the choice to trust is composed of four distinct aspects, or factors (see Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\)).

The figure \(\PageIndex{2}\) shows the four aspects of the Model of Trust, which are:

• Sincerity is the assessment that a person is honest, they are true to their word, and their opinions are valid and supported by evidence. (e.g., a manager outlines the three largest obstacles facing a group and shares a two-part strategy grounded in research for overcoming them).
• Reliability is the assessment of how well a person keeps commitments. (e.g., a friend says they’ll reach out to you in a week to schedule a time to get together, and they do).
• Competence is the assessment that a person has the required skills, knowledge, and resources to do what they are supposed to do. For example, a social media chairperson for a campus organization knows how to build a social media plan.
• Care is the assessment of how much a person is concerned with the interests of others as opposed to being exclusively motivated by self-interest (e.g., a friend tells you about the opportunity to apply for a competitive scholarship for which they are also applying).

The arrow pointing to the right with the words 'Decision to Trust' in it shows that collectively, these four aspects of trust lead us to either choose to trust or choose not to trust someone. The two arrows going back to the circles point to the fact that even after we decide to trust a person, we continue to assess the person. Trust in that person grows as they continue to comply with the four aspects of the Model of Trust.

Vulnerability is critical to building trust (as evidenced by the definition of trust we discussed previously). When the person we are choosing to trust responds to our vulnerability with kindness, it provides us with the sense of safety and security required to self-disclose—strengthening our trust in them. As such, trust and vulnerability are iterative processes, building upon each other to foster strong relationships. As trust builds in an interpersonal relationship, so does our willingness to be vulnerable. As vulnerability occurs in our interpersonal relationships, trust builds.

Note

Trust is Hard to Build, Easy to Break, and Difficult to Maintain

While trust is critical to interpersonal relationships, it can also be difficult to maintain. Most of us could think of an experience where we lost trust in a friend, family member, or co-worker. Research has revealed that interpersonal trust is most often lost “when the trusted individual lied or did not follow through with what they were expected to do” (Research study by Hupcey & Miller, 2006, p. 1136). While a few participants in the research study described a situation in which trust had been lost all at once (e.g., a partner who has an affair), the majority of participants shared that interpersonal trust was lost slowly over time (e.g., a friend not listening to you, ignoring your texts, etc.). In other words, trust is like a brick wall. We build interpersonal trust by gradually adding bricks. Likewise, we most frequently lose trust by taking apart the wall brick-by-brick. Once in a while, the loss of trust occurs more like a wrecking ball slamming against the wall and scattering many bricks at once.

Rebuilding Trust

When trust is broken, unless the experience was devastating to the impacted person, it can be rebuilt through a slow and long process. When trust is lost, the first step is a sincere apology in which a person does the following (Lewicki et al., 2016):

• Express regret
• Explain what went wrong
• Take responsibility
• Declare remorse
• Share how they will make it right
• Ask for forgiveness

After a sincere apology, trust may be rebuilt through the intentional and consistent implementation of the four aspects: sincerity, reliability, competence, and care (Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\)). Trust in our interpersonal relationships is necessary for building committed groups and teams that can achieve meaningful change.

Trust is necessary for interpersonal relationships. When we choose or experience trust, we experience care, open-handedness, and curiosity; however, when we choose or experience distrust, we experience resignation, bitterness, and fear. We can build trust over time by being sincere, reliable, competent, and showing care (Flaherty & Pappas, 2000).

Communication Barriers

The common communication barriers to be aware of are

• Cultural differences: Our audience's background may impact how messages are received. For example, what's okay in the U.S. may be offensive in another culture.
• Language barriers: Communicating with people whose primary language is not English.
• Technology overload: Too many messages from different channels (email, text, social media, etc.). Messages can easily become lost or distorted when too many messages are to be reviewed, resulting in lack of communication or miscommunication.
• Limited feedback: Feedback can help us improve the way we communicate with others. It is our responsibility to ask for feedback.

Note

Remember: No Magic Formula Exists.

While influencers and experts provide helpful tips to improve communication, no magic formula exists. We can choose the best time, place, channel, and words, and yet our message may not be interpreted the way we intended. When we are at the receiving end of communication, flexibility and an open mind are needed to understand the different styles we will encounter.

Essential Skills for Effective Communication

Effective communication is to communicate information, thought, or feeling with empathy so that it is received and understood as intended. It is communication that is received as intended and makes people feel they are being heard. Learning and applying a few key skills will make the communication more effective.

• Active Listening
• Empathy
• Relationship Building
• Body Language and Non-Verbal Cues

Active Listening

As mentioned in the previous chapter, active listening is the practice of listening with an intent to understand and remember a conversation with a person. It takes undivided attention to the words, the tone, and body language of the person. Learning to listen to our conversational partner, team member, customer, supplier, or supervisor is an important part of business communication. Too often, instead of listening to the other person, we mentally start planning or rehearsing what we want to say next. That typically leads to missing much of what the speaker shared.

Communication involves the sharing and understanding of both the words and the intent that are being communicated. We need to be fully present, paying attention to the actual words, tone of voice, body language, or, if it is written, the writing style. Remember, we hear with our ears but listen with our brains, and sometimes it is all too easy to tune out the messenger or their message with our brains. To actively listen, our ears, eyes, and brain need to work together. Choosing to listen attentively takes effort. People communicate with words, expressions, and even through silence, and our attention to them will allow us to communicate and collaborate better. By not listening, we are essentially communicating the messages of disrespect and 'I don't care' to the speaker.

With active listening, we can increase our capacity to influence, motivate, develop, or serve people effectively.

How can we make active listening a habit? Apply the practical active listening techniques (outlined in the previous chapter):

• Paying attention
• Recognizing and using non-verbal cues
• Reflecting and paraphrasing
• Asking clarifying questions
• Avoid interrupting

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of those around us.

When someone is feeling down, positive words seldom do anything good for them. On the other hand, emotionally connecting with that person and making them feel that they are not alone in the emotional state they are in helps.

Genuine empathy is heartfelt and helps us to build stronger relationships. How can we become more empathetic? When trying to empathize, we cannot let our biases influence our perceptions. The acronym CONNECT (Rae) is a tool to help us practice and become more empathetic.

• C - Create open body language
• O - Observe nonverbal cues
• N - Notice what your gut tells you
• N - Nurture the conversation
• E - Engage with eye contact
• C - Convey warmth with your voice
• T - Talk less, allow others to talk more

Being empathetic is not easy. Why? Living in this world, we acquire and retain some bad qualities without even being aware of it. They become barriers to empathy. It takes extra work to break away from these barriers.

1. Observe non-verbal cues from the person we are interacting with.
2. Listen without judgment and with an intent to understand.
3. Try to recognize the emotion the other person is experiencing.
4. Visualize ourselves in their shoes and experience the emotion to understand how they feel.

Mary Angelou's Quote

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -- (Glaves, 2017)

Relationship Building

The better the relationship, the easier it is to collaborate. Building a positive relationship with our stakeholders is critical for achieving project success.

We can build better relationships by:

• Building trust: Strive to have positive interactions, keep our promises, match our body language to our words and actions, offer help, and avoid gossip.
• Connecting: Learn what's important to that person (work, hobbies, travel, family). Create shared meaning with rituals, inside jokes, stress relievers, and common interests.
• Being mindful: Recognize what works for the way in which the other person communicates. Flex to that person's style. Ask for feedback and reflect on what we could do better.
• Supportive: Be there for others; offer praise and recognition. Give credit where credit is due. Tell people how much we appreciate what they say or do.

In addition, respect personal and professional boundaries, ask for feedback, and manage conflicts productively.

Body Language and Non-Verbal Cues

Body language is important in business because it can communicate trust, confidence, and competence. Positive, engaged body language can help us to build rapport, influence decisions, and foster collaboration. Whether we are sitting in a meeting or pitching an idea, our body language sends powerful messages about our commitment, attitude, and intentions.

What do you think is happening between the two people in the figure \(\PageIndex{4}\)? How are they demonstrating their concern about a workplace problem?

The way we walk, talk, smile, stand, and greet people conveys how we are feeling and influences how others see us. Hence, it is important to be aware of how we appear to others and strive to present a professional appearance through nonverbal communication. General guidelines:

• Maintain confident posture; stand tall and avoid slouching.
• Walk with purpose but avoid tensing our hands or shoulders
• Maintain enough eye contact to show we are engaged, but not so much as to make others uncomfortable
• Be aware of our facial expressions. Are we smiling, frowning, or looking distracted? Do we know how we appear to others? (Ask for feedback)
• Use strong hand gestures to emphasize key ideas. Open palms convey approachability. Crossing our arms may communicate defensiveness.
• Choose the appropriate tone of voice; use vocal variety strategically, slowing down or speeding up, articulating each word, and using pause or silence.
• Observe the body language of the most respected leaders. Think about what we can emulate.

Communicating Different Types of Messages

In business communication, not every message brings good news—but how we deliver bad news can make a big difference in how we are perceived by our team and stakeholders. When we communicate a negative outcome, such as a delay, denial, or policy change, our message directly influences how our reader, or in verbal communication, the receiver feels about us. That’s why learning how to deliver bad news with clarity, empathy, and respect is essential to maintaining strong business relationships and also protecting our organization’s reputation.

In a business context, situations may require us to deliver bad news, complaints, or gratitude messages. Recognizing these situations helps us respond appropriately and maintain goodwill and professionalism. Below are common scenarios for each type of message:

Bad News

In the business world, bad news refers to any message that communicates something our audience doesn’t want to hear. This could be a project delay, a sudden loss of a key resource, a late change to the project, or the cancellation of the project itself. No matter the situation, delivering bad news requires careful thought and skill. How we handle these messages reflects directly on our professionalism.

As a business communicator, one needs to deliver the truth clearly and honestly while showing empathy and respect for the receiver. When people receive bad news, they may feel disappointed, frustrated, or confused. If we fail to acknowledge those emotions, it can damage our relationship with the audience. On the other hand, when we handle bad news with care, we can protect goodwill, demonstrate integrity, and even build trust over time.

Common situations in project management that call for communicating bad news are:

• Project Delays: Informing stakeholders of a situation causing a delay.
• Sudden Loss of a Resource: Communicating the loss of a key contributor to the project due to the employee leaving the company.
• Late Change to Project's Scope: Announcing a late-stage change to the scope of the project to the project team.
• Sudden Cancellation of a Project: Informing the project team about the cancellation of the project.

Bad news messages are a normal part of business communication. They can’t be avoided. However, they can be managed in ways that are respectful and constructive.

When it comes to communicating direct, negative, and persuasive messages, the subject plays a critical role. Below is a table with recommendations, followed by another table with examples.

Table \(\PageIndex{1}\): Subject Line Examples. (CC BY-NC 4.0; Mastering Business Communication by Rae Ann Ianniello and Melissa Patterson)

Type of Message	Avoid in the Subject Line	Use for the Subject Line
Direct Message	Project Scope	Confirming Project Scope
Negative Message	Problem!	Discovery of a Problem and a Potential Solution
Persuasive Message	Need Someone to Step Up	Opportunity to Stand Out as a Key Contributor

Example of a Bad News Message

It is important to use a simple 3-part structure to soften the impact before delivering a bad news. When the focus is on what the reader needs to know and how they might feel, we increase the chances of keeping the relationship strong—even after disappointing news. For example:

Table \(\PageIndex{2}\): Framework for Bad News Message (CC BY-NC 4.0; Mastering Business Communication by Rae Ann Ianniello and Melissa Patterson)

Structure	Content to Be Included	Bad News as Written
Buffer	Begin with a Buffer (First Paragraph) Start with a note that relates to the message, one in which both can agree. Do not be so cheerful as to mislead the reader. Prepare the reader. If the message is well written, by the time the "no" comes, the receiver will be in agreement.	Thank you for entrusting us with yet another critical project. We feel honored to work on your projects. We have been working hard to deliver our best outcome. We have a highly competent team of engineers working on the project. We even added two design and two test engineers to the team because they bring in the relevant expertise to tackle the challenges posed by your current project.
Bad News	Bad News (Second or Third Paragraph) Choose neutral or positive words and tone. Imply the bad news when appropriate. This is the most difficult part. The reader is likely to be prepared for a "no," but the words and tone should be true and as positive as possible.	While the test plan is clearly defined and validated, yesterday, one of the test engineers suddenly experienced a medical emergency and is going to be unavailable for the next month.
Action and Solution:	Build Goodwill; End As Positively As Possible Provide an option or alternative. Reinforce the relationship or commitment to common ground. In this case, you are telling the client that you are doing everything you can to build upon their trust in your team.	However, an alternate test engineer was identified right away. The engineer has already jumped in to get familiar with the test plan while the development work is ongoing. We are doing everything we can to keep the project on schedule and hence, be the partner you can continue to trust.

Conveying Intent

Most readers are naturally more concerned about their needs (what's in it for me) than the writer's intent. Use positive words to convey your intent. Consider the following examples:

Table \(\PageIndex{3}\): Use of Positive Words. (CC BY-NC 4.0; Mastering Business Communication by Rae Ann Ianniello and Melissa Patterson)

Avoid	Try	Why
Do not park in Lot C. It is being resurfaced.	While Lot C is being resurfaced, please use Lots A and B.	Coupling a “you” with a “no” in the same sentence may annoy the receiver, thus damaging the relationship. State what is possible rather than what is not.
I can’t wait to help you.	I look forward to helping you.	Choose positive over negative words such as "can't." Also, the negative phrase could be confusing to some people. The positive phrase is easy to understand and also addresses the "what's in it for me" for the reader.
Your refund would have been processed on time; however, you did not sign the form.	Please add your signature to the refund request so we can process your return.	“However” and "but" are often considered negative words since they contradict what precedes them. Consider more positive ways to say the same thing.

Gratitude Messages in Business Communication

Gratitude messages are short, sincere communications that express appreciation. In a business context, they are more than just polite gestures—they help build relationships, reinforce positive behavior, and contribute to a respectful and collaborative workplace culture.

The purpose of a gratitude message is to acknowledge someone’s effort, support, or contribution. Whether it’s a colleague, client, supervisor, or vendor, expressing thanks shows that you value their time and actions.

The outcome is often stronger professional relationships, increased goodwill, and a more positive work environment. Gratitude can also encourage continued collaboration and reinforce a culture of respect and recognition.

A good question here would be, who do you write a gratitude message to?

Gratitude messages could be written to:

• A colleague who helped you meet a deadline.
• A manager who provided mentorship or support.
• A client who gave you a referral or testimonial.
• A vendor who delivered excellent service.
• A team that exceeded expectations on a project.

It is important to use the right language and tone. Use clear, specific, and sincere language. Avoid overly formal or generic phrases. Instead, personalize your message by mentioning what you’re thankful for and why it mattered.

• Use a warm and professional tone
• Be specific about the action or behavior you’re recognizing
• Keep it brief but meaningful

Instead of:
"Thanks for everything."
Try:
"Thank you for staying late last week to help finalize the presentation. Your input made a big difference."

The following situations are ideal for sending a Gratitude Message:

• After receiving help on a project.
• Following a successful meeting or event.
• When someone provides a reference or recommendation.
• After a job interview.
• At the end of a contract or partnership.
• When someone goes above and beyond expectations.

Example of a Gratitude Message in Email

Subject: Thank You for Your Support on the Marketing Campaign

Dear Jordan,

I wanted to personally thank you for your outstanding support during the launch of our spring marketing campaign. Your creativity, attention to detail, and ability to meet tight deadlines played a huge role in its success.

I truly appreciate your dedication and teamwork. It was a pleasure collaborating with you, and I look forward to working together on future projects.

Warm regards,
(Name)

Types of Conflict

• Intrapersonal Conflict: Intrapersonal conflict arises within a person. For example, when we are uncertain about what is expected or wanted, or we feel inadequate to perform a task, we are experiencing intrapersonal conflict. A common situation where an intrapersonal conflict is experienced by an employee is when he/she is expected to do a job that requires some expertise outside their domain.
• Interpersonal Conflict: Interpersonal conflict is among individuals such as coworkers, a manager and an employee, or CEOs and their staff. For example, in 2006 the CEO of Airbus S.A.S., Christian Streiff, resigned because of his conflict with the board of directors over issues such as how to restructure the company (Michaels, Power, & Gauthier-Villars, 2006). According to one estimate, 31.9% of CEOs resigned from their jobs because they had a conflict with their board of directors (Whitehouse, 2008). CEOs of competing companies might also have public conflicts. Many companies suffer because of interpersonal conflicts. To avoid escalation of a conflict, the focus must be centered on ideas and not individual differences.
• Intergroup Conflict: Intergroup conflict is a conflict that takes place among different groups. Types of groups may include different departments or divisions in a company and employee unions and management or competing companies that supply to the same customers. Departments may conflict over budget allocations; unions and management may disagree over work rules; suppliers may conflict with each other on the quality of parts. Merging two groups together can lead to friction between the groups—especially if there are scarce resources to be divided among the groups.

Causes and Outcomes of Conflict

There are many potential root causes of conflict at work. We’ll go over six of them here. Remember, anything that leads to a disagreement can be the cause of a conflict. Although conflict is common to organizations, some organizations have more than others. Content from Organizational Behavior by Anonymous (Anon).

• Causes of Conflicts
  • Organizational Structure: Conflict tends to take different forms, depending upon the organizational structure (Jaffe, 2000). For example, decisional conflict is common in a company that uses a matrix structure as its organizational form, because the structure specifies that each manager reports to more than one boss.
  • Limited Resources: Resources such as money, time, and equipment are often scarce. Competition among people or departments for limited resources is a frequent cause for conflict. This is one source of conflict many companies have to live with.
  • Task Interdependence: Task interdependence conflict is when the accomplishment of your goal requires reliance on others to perform their tasks. For example, if you’re tasked with creating advertising for your product, you’re dependent on the creative team to design the words and layout, the photographer or videographer to create the visuals, the media buyer to purchase the advertising space, and so on. The completion of your goal (airing or publishing your ad) is dependent on others. Conflict could arise when each subtask is to be performed by a group that is under a different manager with their own priorities.
  • Incompatible Goals: Conflict due to incompatible goals arises when two parties think that their goals are mutually exclusive. Within an organization, incompatible goals often arise because of the different ways department managers are compensated. For example, a marketing manager's bonus may be tied to customer success stories, which requires the help of the sales manager. Typically, a sales manager’s bonus is tied to the dollar value of the sales made for any given quarter. If the sales manager has to negotiate a customer success story with a customer, it may require offering some discounts, which will reduce the dollar value of the sale, and that is a clear conflict for the sales manager.
  • Personality Differences: Personality differences among coworkers are common. By understanding some fundamental differences in the way people think and act, we can better understand how others see the world. Knowing that these differences are normal, we could anticipate and mitigate interpersonal conflict. It is often not about “us.” It is simply a different way the coworker visualizes and behaves. For example, Type A individuals have been found to have more conflicts with their coworkers than Type B individuals (Baron, 1989).
  • Communication Problems: Sometimes conflict arises simply out of a small, unintentional communication problem, such as lost e-mails or dealing with people who don’t return phone calls. Giving feedback is also a case in which the best intentions can quickly escalate into a conflicting situation. When communicating, be sure to focus on behavior and its impact, and not on the person.
    • For example, Jeff always arrives late to all your meetings. We might quickly conclude that he has a bad attitude. In reality, we don’t really know what Jeff’s attitude is. We only know the impact Jeff's behavior has on us. We could say, “Jeff, when you come late to the meeting, I feel like my time is wasted.” Jeff can’t argue with that statement, because that is a fact. In our minds, it is indisputable, because it is our reality. What Jeff could apologize and say is that he did not intend to create that problem. That would create an opportunity to have a discussion regarding the behavior.
    • In another example, the Hershey Company was engaged in talks behind closed doors with Cadbury Schweppes about a possible merger. No information about this deal was shared with Hershey’s major stakeholder, the Hershey Trust. When Robert Vowler, CEO of the Hershey Trust, discovered that talks were underway without anyone consulting the Trust, tensions between the major stakeholders began to rise. As Hershey continued to underperform, steps were taken in what is now called the “Sunday night massacre,” in which several board members were forced to resign and Richard Lenny, Hershey’s then-current CEO, retired (Jargon, Karnitschnig, & Lublin, 2008). This example shows how a lack of communication led to an escalation of conflict. Time will tell what the lasting effects of this conflict will be, but in the short term, effective communication will be the key. Now, let’s turn our attention to the outcomes of conflict.
• Outcomes of Conflict
  • One of the most common outcomes of a conflict is that it upsets parties in the short run (Bergman & Volkema, 1989). Conflicts can have both positive and negative outcomes. For example, due to a disagreement over a policy, a manager may learn from an employee that newer technologies help solve problems in an unanticipated new way, leading to positive outcomes including:
    • Consideration of a broader range of ideas, resulting in a better, stronger idea.
    • Surfacing of assumptions that may be inaccurate.
    • Increased participation and creativity.
    • Clarification of individual views that build learning.
  • On the other hand, conflicts can be dysfunctional if they are excessive or involve personal attacks or underhanded tactics. Examples of negative outcomes include the following:
    • Increased stress and anxiety among individuals, which decreases productivity and satisfaction.
    • Feelings of being defeated and demeaned, which lowers individuals’ morale and may increase turnover.
    • A climate of mistrust, which hinders teamwork and collaboration necessary to get work done.
  • The word “conflict” produces a sense of anxiety for many people, but it is part of the human experience.
    • Conflict is universal.
    • Conflict cannot be avoided.
    • Conflict cannot always be resolved.
    • Conflict is not always bad.

Ways to Manage Conflicts

There are many ways to manage conflicts. Here are the commonly used techniques.

• Change the Structure
  • When structure is a cause of dysfunction and conflict, a structural change could be the solution to resolve the conflict. Consider this situation:
  • Vanessa, the lead engineer in charge of new product development, has submitted her components list to Tom, the procurement officer in the purchasing team. Tom, as usual, rejected two of the key components and refused the expenditure on the purchase. This infuriates Vanessa. She tells Tom, “Every time I give you a request to buy a new part, you fight me on it. Why can’t you ever trust my judgment and honor my request?”
  • Tom counters, “You’re always choosing the newest, leading-edge parts—they’re hard to find and expensive to purchase. I’m supposed to keep costs down, and your requests always break my budget.”
  • Venessa responds by saying, “When you don’t order the parts we need for a new product, you delay the whole project.”
  • Sharon, the business unit’s vice president (VP), comes up with a structural solution and informs both: “From now on, both of you will be evaluated on the total cost and the overall performance of the product. You need to work together to keep component costs low while minimizing quality issues later on.”
  • If the conflict is at an intergroup level, such as between two departments, restructuring the organization to have those two departments report into one executive would be a good structural solution. The executive could align the goals.
  • If you are in Vanessa's position, it is your responsibility to bring it to the attention of the business unit VP and seek their help for resolving the conflict.
• Change the Composition of the Team
  • If the conflict is between two team members, the easiest solution may be to change the composition of the team, separating the personalities that were at odds. In instances in which conflict is attributed to the widely different styles, values, and preferences of a small number of members, replacing some of these members may resolve the problem. If that’s not possible because everyone’s skills are needed on the team and substitutes aren’t available, consider a physical layout solution. Research has shown that when known antagonists are seated directly across from each other, the amount of conflict increases. However, when they are seated side by side, the conflict tends to decrease (Gordon).
• Direct the Focus to a Common Opposing Force
  • Group conflict within an organization can be mitigated by focusing attention on a common enemy, such as the competition. For example, two software groups may be vying against each other for marketing dollars, each wanting to maximize advertising money devoted to their product. But, by getting them to focus their attention on a competitor, they may be motivated to work together to enhance the marketing effectiveness for the company as a whole. The “enemy” need not be another company—it could be a concept, such as a recession, that unites previously warring departments to save jobs during a downturn.
• Problem Solving
  • Problem-solving is a common approach to resolve conflicts. In problem-solving mode, the individuals or groups in conflict are asked to focus on the problem, not on each other, and to uncover the root cause of the problem. This approach recognizes the rarity of one side being completely right and the other being completely wrong.
  • In your project, if we notice a conflict between two team members who are in different offices or locations, applying both the problem-solving and the negotiation techniques (one of the ways to manage techniques in this discussion) might be a good solution.
• Consider Majority Rule
  • Sometimes a group conflict can be resolved through majority rule. For example, a group is tasked with the implementation of a solution to a problem. They come up with multiple ideas leading to conflicts on which idea to implement. The group members take a vote, and the idea with the most votes is the one that gets implemented. The majority rule approach can work if the participants feel that the procedure is fair. It is important to keep in mind that this strategy will become ineffective if used repeatedly with the same members typically winning. Moreover, the approach should be used sparingly. It should follow a healthy discussion of the issues and points of contention, and voting is not a substitute for that discussion.
• Negotiation
  • When dealing with conflicts, good negotiation skills are critical assets. When multiple people are involved in an endeavor, differences in opinions occur about desired outcomes. Negotiation is a process for developing a mutually acceptable outcome. A project manager will need to negotiate on different aspects of a project (e.g., scope, schedule, budget, quality, purchases, and conflicts with stakeholders) with the client, team members, vendors, and other project stakeholders. Negotiation is an important skill in developing support for the project and preventing frustration among all parties involved. Negotiation is used to achieve an agreement that supports the work of the project or its outcomes and resolves conflicts within the team or with stakeholders. There are four steps or principles involved in negotiations. They are:

1. Separate people from the problem:
   • Framing the discussions in terms of desired outcomes allows the negotiations to focus on finding new outcomes.
2. Focus on common interests:
   • By not focusing on differences, both parties are more open to finding acceptable solutions.
3. Generate options that advance shared interests:
   • Once the common interests are understood, solutions that do not match with either party’s interests can be discarded, and solutions that may serve both parties’ interests can be more deeply explored.
4. Develop results based on standard criteria:
   • The standard criterion is the success of the project. This implies that the parties develop a common definition of project success.

• For the project managers to successfully negotiate issues on a project, they should first seek to understand the position of the other party. They should figure out the business drivers, personal drivers, concerns, and expectations of team members or stakeholders with whom they will negotiate. Without this understanding, it is difficult to find a solution that will satisfy them. Project managers should also seek to understand what outcomes are desirable to the project. Typically, more than one outcome is acceptable. Without knowing what outcomes are acceptable, it is difficult to find a solution that will produce that outcome.

Conflict Management Styles

Individuals vary in the way that they handle conflicts. There are five common styles of handling conflicts. These styles can be mapped onto a grid that shows the varying degree of cooperation and assertiveness each style entails. Let us look at each in turn.

The five conflict-handling styles (Anon), avoidance, accommodation, compromise, competition, and collaboration are illustrated in terms of level of competitiveness along the x-axis and level of cooperation across the y-axis.

• The Styles:
  • Avoidance: The avoiding style is uncooperative and unassertive. People exhibiting this style seek to avoid conflict altogether by denying that it is there. They are prone to postponing any decisions in which a conflict may arise. People using this style may say things such as, “I don’t really care if we work this out" or “I don’t think there’s any problem. I feel fine about how things are.” Conflict avoidance may be habitual to some people because of personality traits such as the need for affiliation. While conflict avoidance may not be a significant problem if the issue at hand is trivial, it becomes a problem when individuals avoid confronting important issues because of a dislike for conflict or a perceived inability to handle the other party’s reactions.
  • Accommodation: The accommodating style is cooperative and unassertive. In this style, the person gives in to what the other side wants, even if it means giving up one’s personal goals. People who use this style may fear speaking up for themselves, or they may place a higher value on the relationship, believing that disagreeing with an idea might be hurtful to the other person. They will say things such as, “Let’s do it your way” or “If it’s important to you, I can go along with it.” Accommodation may be an effective strategy if the issue at hand is more important to others compared to oneself. However, if a person perpetually uses this style, that individual may start to see that personal interests and well-being are neglected.
  • Compromise: The compromising style is a middle-ground style, in which individuals have some desire to express their own concerns and get their way but still respect the other person’s goals. The compromiser may say things such as, “Perhaps I ought to reconsider my initial position” or “Maybe we can both agree to give in a little.” In a compromise, each person sacrifices something of value to them. For example, in 2005 the luxurious Lanesborough Hotel in London advertised incorrect nightly rates for £35, as opposed to £350. When the hotel received a large number of online bookings at this rate, the initial reaction was to insist that customers cancel their reservations and book at the correct rate. The situation was about to lead to a public relations crisis. As a result, they agreed to book the rooms at the advertised price for a maximum of three nights, thereby limiting the damage to the hotel’s bottom line as well as its reputation (Horowitz). In the process, the immense visibility that the hotel received was an added benefit, without the expensive cost of marketing.
  • Competition: People exhibiting a competing style want to reach their goal or get their solution adopted regardless of what others say or how they feel. They are more interested in getting the outcome 'they want' as opposed to keeping the other party happy, and they push for the deal they are interested in making. Competition may lead to poor relationships with others if one is always seeking to maximize their own outcomes at the expense of others’ well-being. A win-loose situation! This approach may be effective if one has strong moral, ethical, or safety-related objections to the alternatives.
  • Collaboration: The collaborating style is high on both assertiveness and cooperation. This is a strategy to use for achieving the best outcome from conflict—both sides argue for their position, supporting it with facts and rationale while listening attentively to the other side. The objective is to find a win–win solution to the problem in which both parties get what they want. They’ll challenge points but not each other. They’ll emphasize problem-solving and integration of each other’s goals. For example, an employee who wants to to reduce his work hours in order to complete his MBA program may have a conflict with his/her management. Instead of taking opposing positions in which the employee defends his need to pursue his career goals while the manager emphasizes the company’s need for the employee's time, both parties may review alternatives to find an integrative solution. In the end, the employee may decide to pursue the degree while taking online classes, and the company may realize that paying for the employee’s tuition is a worthwhile investment. This may be a win–win solution to the problem in which no one gives up what is personally important, and every party gains something from the exchange.
• Which Style Is the Best?
  • Like much of organizational behavior, there is no one “right way” to deal with conflict. It depends on the situation. In general, the collaborative style has the potential to be highly effective in many different situations.
  • We do know that most individuals have a dominant style that they tend to use more frequently. Think of a friend who is always looking for a fight, or a coworker who always backs down from a disagreement. Successful individuals are able to match their style to the situation. There are times when avoiding a conflict can be a great choice. For example, if a driver cuts you off in traffic, ignoring the driver and going on with your day is a good alternative to “road rage.” However, if a colleague keeps claiming ownership of your ideas, it may be time for a confrontation. Allowing such intellectual plagiarism to continue could easily be more destructive to your career than confronting the individual.
  • Research also shows that when it comes to dealing with conflict, managers prefer forcing, while their subordinates are more likely to engage in avoiding, accommodating, or compromising (Howat). It is also likely that individuals will respond similarly to the person engaging in conflict. For example, if one person is forcing, others are likely to respond with a forcing tactic as well. Negotiation takes anticipation and planning.

Micro-managers

• Their Behavior
  • Managers who seek constant visibility into every step of your work and ask for details.
• Outcome
  • You feel undervalued and sense a lack of trust on their part.
  • You feel the stress of being hovered over by the manager.
• Possible Reasons
  • They could have an inherent problem of trusting people.
  • New to the job.
  • Pressure from their upper management.
• What Not to Do
  • Don't take micromanagement personally.
  • Don't go against them.
• Working with micro-managers
  • Although there is no quick-fix way, we can take some steps that would make it easy for us, such as:
    • Meet all deadlines.
    • Stay a step ahead—proactively communicate details before they ask you for it.
    • Copy the manager in all communications.

Narcissists

Narcissists are the most difficult people to work with. Working for one could be frustrating and demeaning.

• Their Behavior
  • Have a grandiose view of themselves.
  • Always take credit and never hesitate to blame.
  • Crave recognition.
  • Arrogant with no empathy.
  • Cannot take criticism.
  • Will align with anyone when they see a need and will drop the person in a heartbeat when not needed.
  • Revengeful—Will not hesitate to go out of their way to hurt you.
• Outcome
  • You feel like a doormat being stepped on all the time by such a manager.
  • Your self-respect will be drained out.
• Possible Reason
  • In my personal opinion, it is a personality and a character flaw!
• What Not to Do
  • Never compete with or confront them.
  • Do not try to correct them.
• Working with a Narcissist
  • You have no choice but to make them look good.
  • Expect no empathy or even fairness from them.
  • Document everything—preferably using email. For example, to confirm everything you are asked to do through email.
  • When it becomes unbearable, seek the help of HR (Human Resources). When it starts hurting, and they hold the power, for your own emotional well-being, your best bet is to exit!

Note

If nothing works and you are emotionally drained out, move on to a different job!