# Can you get more time with someone without controlling what they do with their time?

An episode of [The Overwhelmed Brain](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/743537890), 23 Aug 2026, 34 min.

Audio: https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/prfx.byspotify.com/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.libsyn.com/secure/theoverwhelmedbrain/679_-_Can_you_get_more_time_with_someone_without_controlling_what_they_do_with_their_time.mp3?dest-id=168817

You're not crazy for feeling lonely in a relationship where schedules clash and one of you seems to be filling their time with other things to do. Hmm... what's really going on in this relationship. I answer a listener's question about this very thing in this episode, plus talk a little bit about minimizing and letting go of clutter and overwhelm.

## Transcript

[0:00] Welcome to the Overwhelmed Brain podcast, helping you navigate the difficulties in your life and relationships.
[0:06] These are my personal opinions; always seek a professional when you're making choices about
[0:10] your mental health and well-being.
[0:16] Welcome to another episode of the Overwhelmed Brain.
[0:20] I'm going to I'm going to read you something here and we'll see where we go with it.
[0:26] Somebody wrote to me and said, "In my last relationship, we had completely different work schedules."
[0:32] They were actually telling me they were listening to the episode about leaving things bottled up makes them worse.
[0:39] So I had an episode a while back. What was that called?
[0:43] Something like that. "When you don't talk about the hard stuff, hard stuff tends to stick around."
[0:49] That's what it was called.
[0:50] So again, he said, "In my last relationship, we had completely different work schedules.
[0:55] I finished my work early in the afternoon, but my ex didn't get home until late in the evening.
[1:00] I was terrified to bring up how lonely I felt because I was afraid she'd accuse me of being
[1:05] controlling or trying to make her quit her job.
[1:09] So I kept quiet, thinking it was better for the relationship.
[1:13] Eventually she noticed I was sad and pushed me to talk.
[1:17] When I finally opened up, I told her I miss you.
[1:20] We moved into this place together, but I feel like I'm living alone.
[1:24] Work is taking up all your time, and we're starting to feel like roommates instead of partners."
[1:28] She responded that not everyone has an early schedule like I do.
[1:32] I pointed out that she was doing all this volunteer stuff on the weekend, and I told her we're
[1:38] financially fine and our bills are paid, and you know, if my job forced me to work every weekend,
[1:44] I would just quit to protect our time together.
[1:47] I didn't want her to quit working entirely; I just wanted my partner back.
[1:51] She promised to do better and pick fewer shifts, but she quickly went back to taking all of them again.
[1:58] A month later, after a minor argument, she packed up her things and left." Listening to this
[2:04] episode, the one I referred to earlier, is painful because it brings back those memories, but
[2:09] it is helping me heal.
[2:12] Oh, thank you for sharing that.
[2:13] You know, you didn't ask a question, but I do want to highlight a few things that you brought up in this message.
[2:20] I'm sorry you went through this, and I'm hoping my highlights will help you in perhaps the next
[2:27] relationship or things that you need to look at in yourself.
[2:32] I'm not saying this is your fault and you caused all this, but maybe it was.
[2:38] Maybe there were certain things that were going on, and this is where I'm going with you right now.
[2:43] There were very likely certain things going on.
[2:48] In fact, I'm going to say this 100%: there were absolutely things going on in your relationship
[2:54] that probably had nothing to do with the conversations that you just shared with me, especially
[3:01] because of the very one of the first things that you said was, "I was terrified to bring up
[3:08] how lonely I felt because I was afraid she'd accuse me of being controlling or trying to make
[3:13] her quit her job." That tells me there's something else going on in the relationship.
[3:20] Maybe how you were showing up, maybe something else.
[3:25] But if someone's terrified, if you are afraid to bring something up, what is going on that is causing that?
[3:36] That tells me that there was definitely terrible communication in this relationship, first of all.
[3:43] Or, I'm going to say this as an "or," it's probably an "and/or," you may have had insecurities
[3:49] that were showing up in the relationship that caused her to not want to talk about this stuff
[3:57] or feel like she was being controlled, like you said in this message.
[4:04] If you were terrified to bring up how lonely you were in the relationship, something else big time is happening.
[4:12] Because if I were lonely in my relationship, the very first thing I would say is, "I'm lonely."
[4:19] I would tell my wife, "I'm lonely." And if she suddenly accused me of trying to be controlling,
[4:27] that probably means I've tried to be controlling in the past.
[4:32] So I'm not trying to put all of this on this person who wrote.
[4:36] I'm not trying to put the blame on you.
[4:38] I only have one side here.
[4:40] I just I look at the response that you get.
[4:44] And the response that you got from your ex is, "I don't want you to control me." Or you thought
[4:49] that it was going to be, "I don't want you to be controlling," which tells me that's probably
[4:53] what happened in the past.
[4:55] I don't know if she is a challenge for you or for anyone.
[5:01] I don't know that at all.
[5:02] All I know is what you shared with me tells me that perhaps that she thought that you may have been controlling or manipulative.
[5:13] Now, I get the vibe, and I could be 100% wrong, I get the vibe that you perhaps are insecure.
[5:22] Maybe you're a little clingy.
[5:24] Maybe you're a little possessive.
[5:26] Maybe you want her to check in more than an adult should normally check in with another adult.
[5:33] The only reason I say that, and again, I could be 100% wrong, and if I am, I'm sorry, but the
[5:37] only reason I say that is because that used to be me.
[5:42] That was the guy I was.
[5:44] I was so clingy and possessive and controlling I didn't think I was.
[5:49] I thought I was being loving and caring and the best partner ever.
[5:58] And I thought my "lovingness" was healthy, but what it was, was hovering and smothering.
[6:07] And she was trying to, you know, my previous partners were trying to get their own space, get
[6:16] their alone time, because I wanted to spend all my time with them.
[6:21] Because that's what I thought you're supposed to do as a couple. "Hey, we're in a relationship now.
[6:26] Let's spend all our time together." So that may have been happening.
[6:31] If she felt smothered or you were hovering a lot, you know, hovering around a lot, if you were
[6:37] always checking in with her, maybe you were a people pleaser, if any of that was happening,
[6:43] and she felt like she didn't have enough alone time, she probably created that alone time for herself.
[6:50] And that alone time came in the form of work.
[6:53] Now, she probably should have said something, "Hey," you know, if this was the case, she probably
[6:59] should have said, "Hey, I feel, you know, like I don't get enough time on my own.
[7:03] I don't get enough time to myself." So you have these, this dichotomy.
[7:09] You don't feel like you have enough time together.
[7:11] She feels like she doesn't have enough alone time.
[7:15] Do you value her alone time?
[7:17] That would have been my question back then.
[7:19] Like, did you value her alone time when you were together?
[7:26] I know that's weird, but she comes home, she's had a long day at work or a long weekend, and
[7:31] she finally has some time to decompress, maybe read a book, maybe take a bath, maybe take a
[7:38] few hours to herself, whatever she wanted to do.
[7:42] Did she get that time?
[7:44] Because without that balance, this can happen, this description that you gave me.
[7:51] She can feel like she doesn't have enough time to herself, and you can feel like you don't have
[7:57] enough time with her because your schedules are different and you miss her and she finally comes home from work.
[8:04] But you both, both people in a relationship, need independence, autonomy, their alone time.
[8:14] We all need to decompress.
[8:15] We all need to unplug.
[8:18] So if that wasn't happening, that may have been, or probably was, a huge contributor to all this.
[8:26] Or if you were supporting her alone time, let's just say that was the case, but you still were
[8:33] hovering and smothering and always wanting to be close to her and always checking in and always
[8:38] having her text you wherever she was.
[8:42] If that was going on, she may have felt like she needed to check in, like you were her father.
[8:49] So I don't know specifically what was happening.
[8:51] That's the vibe I get, though, from this message.
[8:56] So another thing that I want to point out, and I know I'm kind of pointing out the things that
[9:03] you probably should have done differently, but I think it's going to be helpful for you to know this going forward.
[9:10] If you get into this, you know, if you get back together or you get into another relationship,
[9:14] it's important to think this way and communicate this way and the following way.
[9:21] So let's just say that this whole thing happened again, and somebody's, you know, somebody you
[9:28] care about is working all the time, and then you barely have any time together.
[9:33] It's better and healthier to say, "I miss you.
[9:38] We never see each other," than to say, "I miss you.
[9:42] We never see each other.
[9:44] You're working all the time.
[9:45] You picked up all these shifts.
[9:48] You're doing all these things to take this time away from us." I know that's not necessarily
[9:54] what you said, this person who wrote.
[9:57] You didn't say, "Hey, you're taking all this time away from us." In so many words, you did, though.
[10:01] In so many words, you did say that.
[10:03] And then you specifically stated how she was doing that, which implies this is what I want you
[10:10] to change what you're doing about yourself.
[10:14] So I want you to change your work schedule.
[10:17] I want you to do these things for us, which implies control.
[10:25] This is why I pointed that out at the beginning.
[10:28] It's different to say, "I miss you. I miss us.
[10:32] I wish we had more time together.
[10:34] Let's try to make some time together." It's great to say that versus, "I miss you. I miss us.
[10:42] I want to spend more time together.
[10:45] You work so much, and you picked up all these extra shifts, and you are doing all this extra
[10:53] stuff, and those specific things are the reason we're not spending any time together," which
[11:01] implies, infers, declares that those extra things that you're doing should be modified or removed from your life.
[11:15] Change those things so we can have more time together.
[11:17] So you can understand how this looks to someone. They are feeling controlled.
[11:24] If we were friends and you said, "Hey, Paul, I'd like to see you at the coffee shop in a few
[11:30] hours," and I said, "That sounds great," and then I arrived and I was an hour late. Terrible, I know.
[11:37] And I said, "Look, you know, traffic, and I didn't expect it, and I got a flat tire, and I had
[11:43] to pick up something for my wife.
[11:44] I didn't expect to be this late." Let's just say I did that every now and then, and it really
[11:50] bugged the heck out of you.
[11:52] If you said, "Paul, you know, you say you're going to be here on time, and you're not, and so
[11:57] I kind of have to sit here by myself, and it just, it's really strange.
[12:02] If you're not going to be here on time, could you please let me know?" If you said that, I'd
[12:06] feel really bad and say, "You're right. It's true.
[12:10] I should let you know, and I didn't, and I do this, and I'm so sorry." That conversation, even
[12:16] though it would be very hard, well, maybe, it would probably be very hard to tell someone, "Hey,
[12:22] you're always late, and I feel really bad because I'm here alone." That's different than, here's
[12:27] that "versus" statement, "Hey, Paul, you're always late.
[12:30] You know, you should get in your car earlier, and you shouldn't stop when your wife wants you
[12:37] to pick something up, and you should have a spare tire ready." You're basically telling me how to live my life.
[12:44] You're basically telling me, as an adult, one adult to another, "This is what you should do
[12:50] to get here on time." And even though you're probably 100% right, it feels invasive. It feels controlling.
[13:02] So you can see from this person who wrote, you can see how that could have been what was happening.
[13:11] Meaning, she did not like the idea that he was telling her how to create more time together.
[13:21] And I think that, along with an imbalance in her life, and maybe his life too, I don't know.
[13:27] I only have only one side of the story here. I understand that.
[13:30] But I would take this, I get the vibe that she felt like, "Oh, I'm finally home.
[13:37] I can finally unplug and decompress." And then he says, "Oh, good. You're home.
[13:41] Let's spend all this time together." And she felt like, "Okay, you know, I'm going to put my
[13:47] energy toward the relationship because that's what I have to do." But without that alone time,
[13:52] that can cause a problem for a lot of people.
[13:54] Maybe not everyone, but for a lot of people.
[13:57] Some people just need to be alone just for a while, just to hang out with themselves, just to reflect on the day.
[14:07] That could be 15 minutes.
[14:09] It could be 4 hours.
[14:11] When my wife is in the middle of something and she's working, and then she's finishing her work,
[14:18] and I go up to her and she says, actually, this is what I say, "I need my brain." I think this
[14:24] is a great line. "I need my brain for now.
[14:27] Just give me some time.
[14:29] Let me think about what I'm thinking about.
[14:31] Let me try to figure this out, process it, because I'm working on something." When I see that
[14:37] she needs her brain, I leave her alone.
[14:40] I back off and I shut up.
[14:42] I don't say a word. And she knows.
[14:45] She knows that she can come to me when she's ready.
[14:48] So if she's in the middle of something, she needs her brain.
[14:51] If I'm in the middle of something, I need my brain. It works.
[14:56] If I need time to myself, I'm going to take it. Same with her. It works.
[15:01] Because we balance our own lives. I balance mine. She balances hers.
[15:07] And then we come together as balanced individuals.
[15:12] You have to have balance.
[15:13] Each person in a relationship, it works best when both are balanced so when they see each other,
[15:20] there's no deficit, like an emotional deficit, like if they haven't had enough of that decompression and unplug time.
[15:27] If that balance isn't there, it will start to drain the relationship in ways.
[15:33] It'll start to drain the person who doesn't have the balance because now they're giving more
[15:38] than they have to someone else.
[15:40] So we need that refill time.
[15:43] So this is what I see in this message.
[15:46] And I know this person didn't ask a question, and they weren't asking for my advice, my analysis,
[15:52] or anything like that, but I wanted to prepare you for the next relationship, or if you get
[15:57] back into this one, just in case that was happening.
[16:01] And I'm going to say this.
[16:02] I went in that direction for another reason, because you had a minor argument.
[16:09] You said at the end of the message, "You had a minor argument," and she was packing.
[16:13] So that buildup was occurring. A buildup of something. What was that buildup?
[16:20] And all these little clues in your message to me kind of point at what I've already talked about.
[16:29] So that could be it.
[16:31] And I don't know if this makes you feel any better.
[16:34] Maybe it makes you feel worse now that you think you might have something to work on in yourself.
[16:38] Or maybe you're thinking, "Paul, you're completely wrong.
[16:42] She was traumatized in her last relationship, and no matter what I did, it wasn't enough." I mean, maybe it's that.
[16:50] And if that's the case, well, then she probably needed more time to herself to reflect on things. But I understand.
[16:59] Again, there are two sides to every story, and I like to hear both, but sometimes I don't, and
[17:05] I have to come to the conclusion myself of what it could possibly be about and why this may have happened.
[17:12] So I want to thank you for sharing this, and I'm so sorry you went through it.
[17:17] I hope something I said has helped you kind of reconcile your thoughts on this and give you
[17:24] something more to think about going forward.
[17:29] So I could end the episode right now, but I'm not going to.
[17:33] It's only 17, what, 18 minutes in.
[17:37] I got to talk about something.
[17:39] I will talk about one more thing.
[17:41] Somebody wrote to me once and said, "I would love an exposé on the overwhelmed brain as to building
[17:47] walls of clutter, electronic or physical.
[17:51] I myself have many websites, tons of bookmarks, zillions of email addresses, and lots of crap I store. It's awful.
[18:01] Scream for help on how to reboot and how to focus on the essentials." I get you. I get this.
[18:08] This used to be me.
[18:10] I remember I used to have this big old bin of electronic cables, printer cables, video cables.
[18:19] I put them all in the same bin. It was getting heavy.
[18:22] It was probably, I don't know, 30 pounds. It was very heavy.
[18:26] And no matter where I'd move, I would bring it with me.
[18:29] And it just got so big.
[18:32] And I thought, you know, whenever I need a cable, it's there.
[18:36] And so one day I thought, "Why am I keeping this?
[18:41] Why do I need this, really?" My first thought is, "Well, I might need an optical cable for my
[18:47] audio, and those are harder to find." And so I always had an excuse.
[18:51] I always had a justification for what I wanted to keep.
[18:56] Until one day I decided to get rid of it.
[19:00] I said, "I'm going to get rid of this." And the reason I came up with that is one question:
[19:07] how often do I reach into this box to get a cable? That was my question. How often?
[19:14] It started with that, and my answer was, "Once every 6, 8, 12 months, maybe. Once every year.
[19:22] Once a year." So I was carrying around this, I'm going to guess, 30-pound or 30, yeah, 30-pound
[19:29] bin of cables that I used once a year.
[19:35] And I don't know the money it took to buy a cable versus the energy it took to lug that around
[19:44] and be it a part of my life in my space, ruining my feng shui, you know, the feeling you get
[19:51] when you put it in a room.
[19:52] It's in there, although it was in the garage.
[19:55] It just bothered me that I had to keep all these cables.
[20:00] And the cables were getting old.
[20:02] Technology grows or improves and evolves, and then the cable is useless unless I have a really old, old device.
[20:10] I decided that I'm going to get rid of it.
[20:13] I'm going to either put it on the curb.
[20:14] I forget what I did.
[20:15] I either put it on the curb or sold it or something.
[20:19] The day I did that was freeing.
[20:22] I got rid of it, and I decided that, "Okay, the next time I need a cable, I'll just buy it."
[20:30] I had this lack mentality, for sure, and I was also broke. So I had both.
[20:36] I was literally broke, and I had this lack mentality.
[20:40] And how difficult would it be to get a cable if I ever needed one?
[20:44] Or a cord or whatever I needed.
[20:47] And I decided that I was going to get rid of that box and find out.
[20:52] And I do not regret one day not having that box of cables.
[20:58] Not one day goes by where I ask myself, "Why did I get rid of that bin?" Not one day goes by.
[21:08] I got rid of it. It's gone.
[21:10] And one thing that happens when you get rid of something, and I mean literally get rid of it,
[21:16] don't just put it in the shed in the back. Don't bury it.
[21:20] Get rid of it so you do not have access to it anymore.
[21:23] One thing that happens is you have to accept it.
[21:26] You have to accept that it's gone.
[21:29] And that's what I did.
[21:30] And when that bin of cables was gone, I rarely needed a cable. Everything already had cables.
[21:37] I was already done with cables.
[21:38] Why do they need more cables?
[21:41] Same thing with the other stuff in my life.
[21:43] With the other stuff, I still had attachments.
[21:46] I made an episode of The Overwhelmed Brain a long time ago, probably 2015, where I talked about
[21:53] my breakdown in the Arizona desert and how I lost all the stuff that I was hauling in my car.
[21:58] It was about $3,000 worth of stuff and my car.
[22:02] And I would not let it go.
[22:05] I got so anxious that day because I was trying to find a way to get my car home with all my
[22:10] stuff in it, but it was broken down and I couldn't.
[22:14] I was 1,000 miles from home.
[22:16] All I had was a gas card, and I couldn't get that car fixed.
[22:20] I couldn't get it home.
[22:23] I had to accept that I was going to lose my car and everything in it.
[22:27] And that brought me to the very first and very last panic attack that I ever had in my life.
[22:34] I believed that losing all that stuff was going to be it felt like death.
[22:40] The panic attack was, you know, that lack mentality was killing me. "What am I going to do if
[22:47] I don't have this stuff?
[22:48] I can't get rid of this stuff.
[22:49] It costs so much to get this stuff in the first place.
[22:51] And I had some personal stuff in there too.
[22:53] And I'm going to miss that too.
[22:55] And what am I going to do?
[22:56] What am I going to do?" So I had to eventually get rid of it.
[23:01] I gave it to a guy for 200 bucks for a bus ticket home.
[23:04] It's a long story, but I'm going to shorten it right now.
[23:06] That's all it was, is I was stuck at a service station. They wouldn't fix it. They couldn't fix it.
[23:11] A tow truck driver came by, and I ended up selling everything, including my car, for $200 to
[23:17] get a bus ticket home.
[23:19] And it was the most empowering, liberating thing that I've ever done in my life, and it changed my entire life. My life pivoted.
[23:31] It changed course from that point on because I used to be the guy that held onto everything.
[23:39] Not hoarding-wise, but everything that I believed was important, that I might need someday,
[23:44] that meant something to me. And that's important. I get it.
[23:48] There are a lot of things that mean something to us, and there are a lot of things that are useful. There are tools.
[23:53] I had to let go of tools. Tools are always useful.
[23:57] But the day I let all of that go was the most freeing day of my life.
[24:04] It felt weird because we are here with our earthly possessions, and then letting all those possessions
[24:11] go and then starting over.
[24:14] It's like I never wanted to collect that stuff again.
[24:17] I never wanted to have that kind of pull from material objects, the pull that kept me attached.
[24:29] And letting this stuff go, that's all it was, stuff.
[24:34] Letting stuff go was like telling the universe, telling God, whoever or whatever is out there,
[24:43] that I want to be free.
[24:46] I want to be free of this stress.
[24:48] I mean, look what it did.
[24:50] Having these items, holding onto them for dear life, stressed the F out of me because I didn't
[24:57] want to let them go. That was the stress.
[25:00] That was the panic attack.
[25:02] I panicked because I feared losing them.
[25:07] But if I didn't have them, there'd be nothing to lose.
[25:11] There'd be nothing to fear.
[25:14] So I let it go.
[25:15] I let my car and all the possessions go.
[25:18] And when I got home, this is when I was in my previous marriage, I told my ex-wife, "I'm okay.
[25:24] I let everything go, and I feel great." I felt wonderful, actually.
[25:29] And from that point on, I minimized my life.
[25:33] So to this person who wrote, "How do you do it?" It's like a cold turkey quit sometimes.
[25:39] Sometimes you just have to give it away.
[25:41] Sometimes you have to sell it.
[25:42] Sometimes you just have to delete all those damn bookmarks in your browser and start over.
[25:48] And that is so scary.
[25:50] But I've done it many times because things will build up, and I ask myself, "How often do I
[25:57] really use this?" And the scary comment that always comes up that keeps us where we are, keeps
[26:05] us in the rut, is, "Yeah, but someday we might need it." Someday we might need it.
[26:13] And as absolutely true as that is, if you don't have it, you will find another way.
[26:22] You will find something else.
[26:25] You will do something else.
[26:28] I am here to say, I'm here to declare that there are very few things that you need and that
[26:38] you should keep that you won't be able to either replace or forget about or move on and never worry about again.
[26:49] It's kind of the same thing, forget about.
[26:51] Or just live life without it because life goes on, and then things change, and then you move,
[27:00] and sometimes you break things, and sometimes you lose things, and you just have to accept that.
[27:05] A good example of this, and just let me conclude here, is I've had this filing cabinet.
[27:10] All these files in my filing cabinet. Since I was 16.
[27:15] I had things in there since I was 16, and I'm 56.
[27:20] So this is 40 years of paperwork.
[27:25] Just in case I need that receipt from 1989.
[27:29] Just in case I need that work stub from when I was a teenager at that grocery store. Just in case.
[27:37] Maybe I want to look at it for nostalgic reasons.
[27:41] For the first time ever last night, I pulled out that filing cabinet, and I started pulling
[27:46] out the paper, and I said, "I don't need this crap." Yes, that's neat.
[27:51] It gives me a nice feeling when I look at it.
[27:53] Or maybe it doesn't give me a nice feeling. "Oh, this is my bankruptcy from 25 years ago. Do I need? Okay, I'll keep that. That's financial. Why not?
[28:02] If it's financial and it's that important, okay, maybe.
[28:05] But what do I need this for?
[28:08] What do I need this resume from 1999, whatever, 2012?
[28:15] I don't need this stuff. I don't need it.
[28:18] And if I haven't looked at it in 40 freaking years, I'm not going to." And something I learned
[28:26] when my sister's husband died, which is very recent, if you've heard my previous episodes.
[28:32] He died and left a lot of stuff in the basement. A lot of stuff.
[28:39] My wife and I went up there for two whole weeks.
[28:42] Every single day we were over there cleaning up, helping her, helping my sister clean up her
[28:49] basement because he just had so much stuff.
[28:54] He had tools and components and pieces of the house, and he had more stuff outside under the shed.
[29:01] He had so, so much stuff.
[29:04] And I realized I don't want to leave all of this stuff that I own to anyone.
[29:11] I don't want them to have to sort through all this.
[29:13] So I am doing my best right now to minimize my life just in case something happens, but also
[29:20] to give me some space, give me some freedom.
[29:25] I think that we put all this stuff around us like a cushion.
[29:29] Like we feel safe inside.
[29:32] All of these little things that we pack around us, like an emotional wall of support with physical things and digital things.
[29:40] And we have everything we possibly need around us all the time.
[29:46] And it actually becomes stifling.
[29:49] It actually becomes pressing and depressing.
[29:54] And now we're trying to figure out why we're so stressed out all the time.
[30:00] I got to answer this text right away.
[30:02] I got to save these 1,000 bookmarks in my browser.
[30:05] I got to save all these cords in this bin.
[30:09] I don't think that's how we should live. Just my personal opinion.
[30:14] And I'm not saying there are exceptions.
[30:15] Of course, there are exceptions.
[30:17] You might need to save that for a rainy day because you need an umbrella.
[30:23] You might need it that day.
[30:26] But it's just something to think about.
[30:28] And sometimes we do have to ask ourselves the question, "When is the last time that I have pulled this out?
[30:35] Is it something I use every day?
[30:37] Is it something I use once every five years?" And if I got rid of it, and I mean, this is another
[30:42] question that I ask myself too.
[30:44] If I couldn't find it, if I lost it completely, what would I do then? That is something else. Like, "Oh, no.
[30:53] I lost this very important thing in my life.
[30:56] What am I going to do then?" This is one of those questions that leads to acceptance as well.
[31:01] "Okay, I accept that I lost it.
[31:03] Now what?" "Well, if I lost it, I guess there's nothing I can do, so I move on." "Oh, if that's
[31:08] my answer, it's a lot easier to move on." It can be hard to get rid of things, but it can be
[31:13] easier to move on once we accept that it's gone.
[31:17] So I don't know if that helps you, the person who wrote to me, or anyone listening that needs
[31:21] to hear that, but minimizing can be liberating, and maybe it can be something that you want
[31:29] to do for your life, or maybe you appreciate this wall of stuff and multiple items and things that you're saving.
[31:39] Maybe you appreciate that because it does give you comfort, or, yeah, maybe you need it for another reason.
[31:44] But do we need every little thing?
[31:48] Is your house full of tchotchkes?
[31:52] Do you need every possible thing that you own?
[31:55] And if you do, does that stress you out more than make you feel good?
[32:01] And if it does make you feel good, then don't listen to me. Do what you want.
[32:05] But if you're having difficulties like this person is, well, hopefully something I said was helpful. Thanks for listening today.
[32:13] I appreciate you listening to another episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.
[32:17] I want to thank the patrons this week.
[32:20] Patrons of the week are Ashley, Christy, Steven, Wei, and Brad. Very much appreciate you.
[32:27] Thank you so much for your support.
[32:29] Again, I am very grateful.
[32:31] And if you want to support this show like these patrons do, head over to moretob.com, and there
[32:36] are options to do that over there.
[32:38] And for a show on how to navigate the difficult relationship, listen to my other podcast called
[32:43] Love and Abuse over at loveandabuse.com.
[32:46] And if you know you're the difficult one in the relationship, well, you know, maybe you don't
[32:50] know, but maybe you're being told you are.
[32:52] You can join the program that is helping a lot of people heal over at healedbeing.com.
[32:58] And with that, always keep your mind open because that's how you make the best decisions.
[33:04] Be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want.
[33:08] Always take steps to grow and evolve.
[33:11] You are powerful beyond measure.
[33:13] And above all, and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you, you are amazing.

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