# Grounding yourself to make the best decisions possible

An episode of [The Overwhelmed Brain](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/743537890), 4 Oct 2026, 39 min.

Audio: https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/prfx.byspotify.com/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.libsyn.com/secure/theoverwhelmedbrain/685_-_Grounding_yourself_to_make_the_best_decisions_possible.mp3?dest-id=168817

Life is really all about a series of decisions from moment to moment. Most are no-brainers: You know when to eat, for example. But others can literally be life-changing. And for those, being grounded and sure about your decision is the best place to be before making it.

## Transcript

[0:00] The people I work with are those who know they are the difficult one in the relationship.
[0:05] If that's you or someone you know, and you or they want to be the healthiest partner possible,
[0:10] head over to HealedBeing.com and start your free lessons right away.
[0:15] This podcast can be life-changing, so always seek a professional before making any choices about
[0:19] your mental health and well-being.
[0:22] Hard to believe that we're in October of 2026 as I record this, because November of 2013 is
[0:31] when I started, so now we are at the 13-year mark.
[0:36] I don't know why you need to know that, but it makes me happy.
[0:40] It fulfills some purpose inside of me, and I feel good about it.
[0:45] I've been trying to give away free information for as long as I can.
[0:50] It's funny, I'm going to give you a little side story, and I know this is a little unorthodox.
[0:53] I don't normally just go into a side story without telling you what we're going to talk about today.
[0:59] Throughout the years, I have made this podcast, my other podcast, Love and Abuse, and everything
[1:07] I do as part of a business.
[1:10] This is what I do every day for 13 years now.
[1:18] And at least 95%, if not more, 95% of what I do, I do for free. I give it away.
[1:28] I'm not here to pat myself on the back.
[1:30] This is the part of my story that's important because people will sometimes write to me and
[1:36] say, how dare you charge for something for people like abuse victims?
[1:44] How dare you charge for a workbook, like my mean workbook over at loveandabuse.com, when you
[1:51] shouldn't be charging that because you're taking advantage of them?
[1:56] When I hear stuff like that, I'm thinking, I don't understand. I have to sell.
[2:02] I have to stay in business.
[2:03] I can't just give it away and then go bankrupt.
[2:07] I don't know how to answer that, at least I didn't back then, until I realized, wait, every
[2:14] week I do two episodes.
[2:15] I mean, I try to do two episodes, one of the Overwhelm Brain, one of Love and Abuse, and I write
[2:21] blog articles and I put everything I know out there for free.
[2:26] And so I took the little guilt that I might've felt when somebody wrote that because I felt
[2:33] really proud of my accomplishments.
[2:35] I felt really proud that I was helping people and that I was also making this a business of
[2:40] mine so I can continue it, so I can sustain what I do and continue giving away free things and
[2:47] also providing for my family and making a living and all that.
[2:51] Yeah, I mean, this is really personal stuff.
[2:53] I don't normally talk about this, but it's so true.
[2:56] I hear from some people over the, or I've heard from some people over the years, very infrequently,
[3:02] thankfully, but every now and then someone will get upset that I'm selling anything.
[3:10] And why am I talking about this?
[3:12] I don't know, but it just reminded me, something reminded me of the fact that I've been, oh
[3:18] yeah, I've been doing this for 13 years and I'm just thinking over the course of this decade
[3:23] plus, the kind of stuff that comes my way.
[3:28] And that's like one of the first things that came up for me is that some people think I'm taking
[3:34] advantage of abuse victims and other people that are in pain.
[3:38] And it hurt, it hurt to hear that because that is like the opposite of why I'm here.
[3:45] I try to give away almost everything for free.
[3:49] Everything that you've heard in this show, everything that you've heard in Love and Abuse, I've
[3:54] packaged it so it's easier to read, easier to follow in a linear format.
[3:59] And it makes, it makes it a lot easier to consume the content and learn from it.
[4:05] So I'm just expressing like, this is what happens to us.
[4:10] We, you know, you and me and everyone else is that we will try to do something nice and sometimes
[4:16] it'll backfire and we will try to be generous and kind and supportive, which I try to be.
[4:23] And somebody will see that as nefarious or selfish or something like that.
[4:30] And I'm not, you know, I don't blame those people because they've had their issues, they've
[4:35] had their challenges and they might see someone like me who creates content and sells courses
[4:44] and sells workbooks and things like that as like a shyster.
[4:50] They might think that I'm a shyster because I make money on what I sell.
[4:56] And then, you know, I sit with this stuff and I think if I didn't sell it, I wouldn't be able
[5:03] to make any more and I wouldn't be able to sustain and help other people.
[5:06] And so all this, I've had to think about this and philosophize over it and check in with my
[5:13] morals and my ethics and all this other stuff.
[5:15] And I've come to the conclusion that I feel really good about giving away almost everything.
[5:23] I mean, I give away everything I know, but I don't give away everything I do.
[5:29] I think that's a little bit of a distinction.
[5:31] I give away everything I know.
[5:32] I don't give away everything I do because I have to make a living and I have to sustain what I'm doing.
[5:38] I'm not trying to explain this to you.
[5:47] I'm just People call it unlucky sometimes if they're superstitious, but I love the number 13.
[5:54] It's just maybe because other people don't.
[5:58] I like the number and I do think it's because most people or some people reject it.
[6:03] But 13 is a great number and we're here in year 13.
[6:07] And honestly, I didn't know it would go this far.
[6:11] I didn't know it would be after 10 years.
[6:14] I thought after a year it would be a point where I get to the maximum amount of content I can
[6:25] actually provide and talk about.
[6:28] My mom once said, because she's on my newsletter, she says, you're like Dear Abby.
[6:33] If you're old enough to remember Dear Abby in the newspaper, she gave advice in a column like
[6:40] every, I don't know if it was every day or every week.
[6:43] And it was neat to open the paper when we had more people at newspapers and read advice that
[6:52] she was giving to someone that would write and say my so-and-so is doing this or I'm in this
[6:58] job I hate and all of this stuff.
[7:01] I thought that's a great comparison because that's what I do here. I read emails.
[7:06] I try to help people through their challenges with the knowledge and the experience and the
[7:11] wisdom that I've gained over the years.
[7:14] And I do my best.
[7:17] So 13 years is a good milestone for me.
[7:19] I appreciate you tuning in today, whether you're a long time listener or brand new, no matter
[7:25] what, I am, again, glad that you were here.
[7:28] In fact, we're going to do, we're going to have a Dear Abby moment.
[7:32] I'm going to read you a message that I received.
[7:35] We'll see where we go with it.
[7:37] Hey, Paul, how's it going?
[7:38] I'm listening to your latest episode. It's about solid ground.
[7:41] And I had to look that one up because it's not called solid ground.
[7:44] It's called making hard decisions when you're not sure what's true.
[7:49] And in that episode, I talk about the concept of creating solid ground as a foundation for decision-making,
[7:56] particularly when dealing with someone who isn't changing.
[7:59] And the whole concept behind the episode is accepting that they won't. Some people won't change.
[8:08] And then we don't have to wait.
[8:10] We don't have to wish, hope and pray that they do change.
[8:13] We just have to convince ourselves that they won't so that we can move forward.
[8:18] So that episode it's, um, in case you need it, episode number 672, making hard decisions when
[8:25] you're not sure what's true.
[8:27] And so this person went on to say this episode was largely focused on an external person, like
[8:34] a relationship or a boss who maybe is not changing.
[8:37] I'm curious about this being applied to a version of yourself.
[8:42] Did you ever do anything like this?
[8:44] Perhaps having the insight that a particular set of actions, energy going toward a pursuit and
[8:51] beliefs are simply not working and you therefore have to thank you for sharing that. Thank you for writing.
[9:03] I'm so glad that you were able to accomplish what you were trying to accomplish.
[9:07] It sounds like you did.
[9:08] You said it was liberating. Yes.
[9:11] Liberation is like the key to all this.
[9:13] If you can liberate yourself from indecision and get on solid ground, have solid footing so
[9:21] that you can make a decision, then it's so much easier to move forward.
[9:26] Well, it's an easier choice in some ways.
[9:29] It's not always easy and easier to move forward, but I, yes, I do have a, uh, my own method.
[9:37] In fact, I have a few methods of making decisions like this and I have episodes on making decisions and things like that.
[9:42] So a lot of this may be familiar if you've heard those, but one of my, one of the things I do
[9:49] is I ask myself if I make this decision and I wake up tomorrow and the decision is already made
[9:57] because I made it today, how do I feel about it?
[10:01] And so I wake up in the morning and I ask myself, okay, I made that decision.
[10:05] How do I feel about it?
[10:07] And if I start to get queasy, if I start to feel uneasy, discomfort, if I don't like that feeling,
[10:15] I seriously consider saying no.
[10:18] In fact, almost always I'll say no.
[10:23] A good example is, um, a business opportunity that comes my way and I think, okay, what will
[10:29] it feel like after I have committed to this and I wake up tomorrow and now it's on my agenda.
[10:36] Now it's on my plate and I feel it out. I think about it.
[10:41] And what ends up happening is the feeling I'll have is the feeling I'll have.
[10:45] That's how I look at it.
[10:47] So if I wake up tomorrow and it's on my plate, it's on my agenda.
[10:50] How do I feel about it?
[10:51] And I've made business decisions like this and believe me, they, they have enlightened me. Okay. I wake up tomorrow.
[10:59] That means I have to get up, get on a flight.
[11:01] And that means I have to get this speech ready. Wow.
[11:04] I don't like these feelings that I'm having at all.
[11:06] I have all this stuff that I have to prepare for.
[11:11] So I have that kind of talk with myself.
[11:16] Now this doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.
[11:19] Sometimes these nerves are things that occur because you haven't done something before or you're
[11:25] not comfortable with doing it yet.
[11:27] It could still be beneficial to you, but that is one little gauge that I have for myself.
[11:34] Another gauge is my values.
[11:38] In fact, my values are probably the highest gauge, the highest part of my decision-making.
[11:45] And all that means is what I find most important about blank, about my work, about my personal
[11:55] comfort, my wellness, my happiness, my relationships, my time.
[12:01] What do I value about blank? All of those things. This is avoiding self-sabotage.
[12:09] This is how I talk about values is you avoid self-sabotage by discovering, figuring out what
[12:15] you value most about blank.
[12:18] For example, what do I value most about being in a relationship?
[12:21] My wife, I value honesty. I value attraction.
[12:26] I value, and these aren't in order. They could be.
[12:30] I would just have to in my relationship.
[12:35] I value someone who has or is doing personal growth and development, not necessarily actively,
[12:43] but if they need it, they should be open to it.
[12:46] So I value a lot of things in my relationship that if those values or at least two or three
[12:54] or more values aren't met, I know I'll be unhappy.
[12:58] So I will not have solid ground in my relationship if two or three or more of my values aren't being met.
[13:06] In fact, maybe even one value isn't being met.
[13:11] I like to do the top five values.
[13:13] So you might list 20, 50, 100 values, the things that you value in your relationship or your
[13:20] job or your spiritual beliefs and relationships and things like that.
[13:24] You might have a big list of things that you value.
[13:29] And the way I look at values is those are pretty much must-haves. My values are must-haves.
[13:36] I must have this in order to be happy in my relationship.
[13:41] So I fill in the blank. What is this? What is this?
[13:45] I must laugh with the person I'm with.
[13:48] It doesn't have to be every day, but more times than not, check. I check these off.
[13:57] If those aren't met, then I have to ask myself if I can be okay without that thing, without
[14:05] that value, without that being in the relationship. Because that's another question.
[14:09] Can I be okay without it?
[14:11] Can I be okay not laughing?
[14:13] No, I don't want to be in a music. Of course.
[14:24] That is a value personal to me.
[14:27] She has her own values and her own tastes. Great. No problem.
[14:33] Do I value silence at 2 a.m. when she's cranking that kind of music?
[14:38] That might be a different story.
[14:40] So yes, I would value silence at 2 a.m., but if she were to put headphones on or whatever, trying
[14:48] to figure out how I wouldn't be able to hear it.
[14:51] I probably still wouldn't have a problem unless it was really loud, but that wouldn't be one
[14:57] of my top five values anyway.
[15:00] So this is how I do it.
[15:01] I just write up a list and then I prioritize what's most important.
[15:05] And then as long as it's in the list, you know, if I'm making a decision and I ask myself, okay,
[15:13] is this item in the list and is it high up on the list?
[15:17] And if that's the case, does it meet my values?
[15:21] So if I make this decision, does it meet my values, at least my top five values?
[15:26] And if the answer is no, I'll give you an example of that.
[15:30] When I worked for a company, I would commute to work every day and sit in an office and type
[15:38] in a computer and do other things.
[15:40] And if they said, we're going to need you to start coming in on Saturdays, I would ask what
[15:46] for and for how long.
[15:47] And if they said it's a permanent part of your new schedule, then I would have to ask myself how important Saturdays are.
[15:57] Meaning is the weekend or that weekend day very important to me?
[16:01] Because if I'm doing things on the weekend, that's more important.
[16:03] And I really appreciate that. And I value that.
[16:06] And it would suck if it wasn't there and I would miss it.
[16:10] Then I might actually have a value that I cannot override without letting go of some happiness.
[16:19] This is the way I see it is that when you can't meet all your top values in something, you are
[16:26] risking happiness and fulfillment, of course, and levels of satisfaction.
[16:31] So if one of my top values at doing my job and my personal life and my relationships, if one
[16:38] of my top values is enjoying my weekends with my family, then I would follow that value system
[16:47] and decline working on Saturdays.
[16:50] I know what you're thinking. They could fire you.
[16:54] What if it was a obligation? You have to.
[16:58] This is where some people might differ with my approach.
[17:03] But if I know I'm going to be unhappy and there isn't an equal or balanced opposite to what
[17:11] they are doing for me, for example, you have to work on Saturdays and you don't get another
[17:16] day off and we're not going to give you any raise and pay or anything like that.
[17:20] So there's like nothing incentivizing me to accept this.
[17:24] So I would not only lose a day, lose a day with my family and have to work more, but no extra money.
[17:30] So that's a clear no for me.
[17:33] For other people, they might think, well, I might get fired.
[17:36] And for me, it's fire me.
[17:40] Some people can't do that, Paul.
[17:42] I know, but I choose to.
[17:45] Why do I do that? It's a risk. I know.
[17:48] But if I know I'm going to be unhappy every day because of that stupid Saturday and that stupid
[17:55] boss, and I have to go to this stupid job, I don't want to spend 85% of my day every single
[18:01] day doing something I hate because I would grow resentful.
[18:06] So I don't care about the money at that point because money isn't my top value.
[18:12] Money's in there, but it's not my top value because other things are more important than money.
[18:18] Because if I have this thing, then less money is okay.
[18:21] If I have more money, then less time is not okay.
[18:25] Or less time with less quality time, I should say.
[18:29] So this is how I evaluate some decisions.
[18:32] I run them up against my values.
[18:34] And if they don't meet my values or they don't align with them, then I know I'm going to be unhappy.
[18:42] And then I have to weigh, is the unhappiness somehow balanced out with something else that is
[18:49] adding or benefiting my life in some way?
[18:51] And if the answer is no, then there really is no consideration for me.
[18:56] And again, that might not go well for other people because you are risking getting fired.
[19:01] But throughout my life, I have always said yes to my bosses and I have to do this to my partners in my life.
[19:10] Meaning, oh, I got to go to work. I have no choice. I have no choice.
[19:15] And the day I said, you know what?
[19:17] I'm going to give myself a choice.
[19:19] I'm going to leave this job and I don't care where I end up.
[19:22] The day I said that, it absolutely affected me and it affected my wife at the time.
[19:27] And I'm not saying you should do this, but because I did it, I opened the space up for something
[19:32] that did align with my values.
[19:35] And I followed the path of not being unhappy every single day.
[19:41] So that is another way to get in alignment with your personal values and personal decisions
[19:47] without necessarily thinking that it has to be like this person was asking, how do you do this with yourself?
[19:54] That's one way I do it with myself.
[19:57] With the other episode I'm talking about, it was always about accepting that the other person isn't going to change.
[20:04] So I'm going to make a decision based on that.
[20:07] This is kind of the same outcome.
[20:09] I'm going to make a decision based on my values.
[20:12] I'm going to make a decision based on thinking about how I'll feel tomorrow morning when I wake
[20:17] up after having made that decision today. A little future pacing.
[20:22] So I future pace what it will be like, what I will feel like, what my life will be like when
[20:29] I wake up in the morning and it is a part of my life.
[20:32] It is set in stone and now I got to do it. I don't have to.
[20:37] I could give it up. I could quit. I could cancel it. Whatever.
[20:41] But I like to make the right decision before I have to cancel or change that decision later.
[20:46] It's a lot easier on me and others.
[20:49] So I make the decision beforehand based on these criteria.
[21:04] You know, I used to have sky-high standards.
[21:07] I grew up thinking that others needed to be more like me.
[21:11] That was a relationship killer and it was an unwritten rule in my life.
[21:16] One that I made up.
[21:18] Have you made up any rules in your life that are giving you outcomes that you don't want?
[21:23] We inherit so many unwritten rules like be successful but don't make others feel bad.
[21:28] Be helpful to everyone but don't neglect yourself.
[21:31] Have everything figured out but don't look like you're trying too hard.
[21:34] These rules can be exhausting and impossible to follow.
[21:38] What's an unwritten rule that you've absorbed?
[21:42] Maybe it's I should never need help or if I'm struggling something's wrong with me.
[21:48] Consider where that rule came from and whether you'd ever impose it on someone you care about.
[21:53] If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks
[21:58] and eligible members have an average co-pay of just $23 per session with insurance.
[22:04] Don't have insurance or don't live in the United States, you can still get 10% off your first month.
[22:10] Visit BetterHelp.com forward slash brain to explore your payment options.
[22:15] That's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com forward slash brain.
[22:28] And so the last part of this and there are probably processes in my mind that I haven't explored
[22:34] yet meaning there's probably more to this that I don't even know I know is that when I make
[22:41] decisions and this is very similar to values but it's more of a day-to-day thing a day-to-day
[22:49] observation of your of yourself so day-to-day what do you enjoy doing what do I enjoy for example
[22:59] sitting at the computer alone I like being at the computer I like having access to this technology
[23:07] I mean it's not the only thing I like but I actually enjoy it I actually enjoy doing this it's
[23:12] what I'm doing right now I'm sitting at a computer with a big screen and I'm happy about it
[23:17] whereas my wife she hates sitting at the computer so if she got an offer for some you know big
[23:25] amount that had her sitting in front of a computer doing exactly what she's doing now I have
[23:31] a feeling she'd say no in fact I know it she would say no because it would put her in the position
[23:37] that she's already in that she's already unhappy about and some people might say well she'd
[23:43] get more money and then she could upgrade her room and it could be that could be and I'm putting
[23:54] words in her mouth here but when she thinks about the day-to-day what will she be doing she'll
[24:00] be doing something that she hates she'll have this big component of what she hates in her life
[24:05] while she goes on the rest of her life feeling some sense of satisfaction here and there I guess
[24:12] some sense of happiness but that big component sticks in her like a thorn and so that's what
[24:19] I do I like to think about okay what do I like to do every day I like to wake up on my own time
[24:24] I like that I would hate to lose that if I did it wouldn't be such a big deal so it wouldn't
[24:31] necessarily stop me from making a bigger decision but it's just something that I like I like
[24:37] going to bed on my own time so that's another thing but could I give it up sure if it was enticing
[24:44] enough if it was leading to something that was enjoyable and made me happy I would consider
[24:52] it it's not super important that I have to get up at the time I get up but it's a component
[24:58] of my decision making and let me give you a real world example when I was in technology many
[25:05] many years ago been a long time I remember how much I liked being in technology and here I am
[25:12] sitting in all this technology it's probably all part of my makeup and you know I'm thinking
[25:17] about how I was into technology ever since I was 10 years old so 46 years and so when I was
[25:24] in technology when I was doing a job where I was putting computers together and I was setting
[25:28] up the interfaces and working on phone systems and I was doing all kinds of technical stuff
[25:34] I loved it I loved doing it I loved learning new things and one of the things I really loved
[25:40] about it and it took me a while to figure this out was and I'm sharing this so it benefits you
[25:46] believe me it's not about me only but one of the things I figured out is that it wasn't just
[25:52] being with the technology but the end result made me happy and sometimes it was just as simple
[26:00] as the way I made the cables look behind the computer or for the phone system or going up into
[26:08] the ceiling because I dressed them up so nicely and they looked so organized and I could walk
[26:15] into like a phone room I don't know if you remember or maybe you've never seen this there were
[26:19] phone rooms back in the 90s when I was working on this stuff that the wires were everywhere
[26:25] all over this phone board it looked like a complete mess that nobody would want to touch and
[26:30] when I saw that I was excited I said wow I cannot wait to touch this I cannot wait to fix this
[26:36] it's like a dirty floor and suddenly it's clean it's that feeling you get after something is
[26:43] done after something is clean after you clear all the dots on pac-man it's a good feeling for
[26:50] me so I liked that feeling and it took a while for me to figure out what I liked about certain
[26:57] jobs and that was one of the things I liked so I realized and this is how I believe it can be
[27:03] helpful for you if you think about what you like to do I'm talking about jobs specifically but
[27:09] it could be with any decision any decision that you need to make but let's talk about your work
[27:15] what do you like to do at your work even if you don't like your job what part of the job do
[27:21] you like even if it's a tiny little segment even if you say I like going to the break room if
[27:27] it's that then there's something about that that you need to include if you ever change jobs
[27:34] this is what I do if you know if I ever change careers again I'm going to go through all these
[27:41] decision making processes and make sure I'm aligned with my values with how I'll feel the next
[27:47] morning with all the components of the job that I'm about to enter and if I'm getting the components
[27:54] that I really enjoy as part of it and yes I could be a janitor cleaning up a floor and looking
[28:02] at the floor going that's amazing that looks so nice I did a great job it feels good if I can
[28:09] get that feeling in any job then the decision is easier so you know that could happen this is
[28:19] how I want this person who wrote and anyone that needs to hear this this is how I would recommend
[28:26] you at least make some decisions you know these are my processes and they don't have to be yours
[28:32] but I have found that I'm a lot happier in life when I continue to align with everything I just
[28:38] talked about if I continue finding things that I enjoy and making sure they are a part of my
[28:45] life and I don't get rid of them or at least if I do then something else replaces them then
[28:52] I have balance and that's really what comes down to you know bring this full circle to the very
[29:00] initial question that this person asked how do I get grounded in the decisions that I make for
[29:06] myself I believe you need to look at your life and ask yourself is this going to continue or
[29:14] start to bring balance into my life so if you don't feel balanced now then I believe your next
[29:21] decision should be toward balance if you're buying a new stereo at an electronic store let's
[29:28] make it a simple decision and maybe it's not some people might have a difficult time with this
[29:32] decision but what do you like about the audio that you listen to what do you want for a system
[29:39] you know what components do you want in a system it's the same idea it's the same idea is like
[29:45] what are the benefits and what will give you the most satisfaction and of course you have to
[29:51] weigh price and all this other stuff but once you find that balance in any decision that you
[29:56] make once you find that balance oh yeah I get a little bit of this a little bit of that that might be hard.
[30:01] I might not like that, but all of this other stuff makes me feel pretty good, and it balances
[30:05] out, and maybe it's even better than balancing out. it's more positive than ever, and I'm happy
[30:10] about that, which I believe is all part of balance. you should have more positive than negative,
[30:17] because balanced with half good and half bad isn't always great. sometimes the bad overtakes
[30:23] the good, and then you don't enjoy it anymore. so anyway, this is all about finding balance
[30:28] in every decision that you make, if you can, because the flip side of all this is that there
[30:33] are some decisions that you'll make that will not be good at all. they won't feel good, they
[30:42] won't make you comfortable, they will not be in alignment with your values, and sometimes we
[30:48] have to go through the challenges to get where we want to be. so let's just say I was completely
[30:56] broke, and my wife said, you better get a job, dammit, and she was right, and that's what I would do.
[31:03] I would say, okay, I will get anything; I will do anything.
[31:07] I would get anything, you know, if I couldn't do what I do now, if I couldn't find ways to work
[31:13] with people and all that. but if I couldn't, I would do whatever it took, and I would like it
[31:18] or not, it would just happen, because what's more important? well when it comes to life in general,
[31:25] and I'm in a relationship, the relationship wins. so my unhappiness at a job I won't like, it
[31:32] but the relationship, will win and she's gonna be happy because I'm bringing home money and
[31:37] all this other stuff, and that's a complex subject we can get into some other time. but the
[31:41] whole point is that there's balance in all those areas of life. instead of everything's bad,
[31:48] and again sometimes it's not easy. sometimes everything will be bad, sometimes there will be
[31:53] no balance, and you just have to get through it. like I've heard from people who have gotten
[31:58] divorced, and now they have to share custody with their ex, who they despise, or the ex is being
[32:05] super difficult, or they're narcissistic, something awful, sociopath.
[32:09] I've heard all the stories, and they hate having to share custody with somebody who may be abusive
[32:17] or terrible. it exposes the children to bad behavior, and the person who wrote to me has to
[32:23] deal with this person's bad behavior, and their ex is lying about them and spreading rumors
[32:28] about them, and it's just awful. every story I get like that, it's just like, how do you deal
[32:34] with somebody like that? and one of the things I like to address when it comes to that is how
[32:38] long before your kids are 18, because you may not be able to get balance in your life until
[32:45] they're 18. and I hate to say that, because sometimes we have to go through some very tough
[32:49] times in order to get to a balance point, in order to get to a better place, and it might take
[32:55] many, many years to get there, but it will pass. that's one of my go-to quotes, sometimes for
[33:02] myself: this will pass. it's like that, and this too shall pass. and I think it's a good thing
[33:12] to keep in mind, because we look at how much time has passed for us already, and we ask ourselves,
[33:19] where did those years go? how many years have passed? are you kidding me?
[33:24] Rubik's Cube has been out for what, 35, 40? what, how is that possible? and then you realize,
[33:31] I guess time does go pretty fast sometimes. it does. so this doesn't really help in the present
[33:37] when you're dealing with it, but there is a future that things look different in. almost every
[33:44] case there is a future where things look different. so there are my thoughts on how I make decisions
[33:51] for myself, how I get grounded in myself. one of the ways I ground, like, for example, sometimes
[33:56] before I do an—and I'm just gonna talk about grounding in general—one of the ways I ground is playing my guitar.
[34:03] I play classical guitar, and I enjoy it, and when I sit there and I play it, I get lost in it.
[34:09] I think I talked about this recently.
[34:11] I just get lost in my music, and then when I play that, I feel grounded, and when I feel grounded
[34:17] I have a good base from which to record an episode.
[34:22] I didn't do it today, so maybe this isn't a very grounded episode, but this is what I normally
[34:28] do. this is what I'll do to ground myself before recording an episode, before working with people, sometimes one-on-one.
[34:36] I'll work with people, and I want to get balanced.
[34:40] I want to be in a good space when I work with them, so I'll just let my brain go and let my
[34:46] creativity flow, and just enjoy the time in that moment. it's a very present-minded thing to
[34:53] do, and that's what I believe in. it's like when you find present-minded things to do, where
[34:58] you can be totally in it, totally like unplugged from anything that stresses you, or you can't
[35:05] get out of your mind, when you can unplug like that, that can help you get grounded. and when
[35:10] you feel grounded, you typically make better decisions.
[35:15] I hope this helps. thank you to the person who wrote and shared that with me.
[35:18] I hope you get a chance to listen to this episode, and thank you for tuning in. thanks for listening
[35:24] to another episode of the overwhelmed brain.
[35:26] I want to thank our patrons of the week: Maria and Heather, and a special thanks to angel who
[35:31] has been a patron since 2020. that's six years; that is just so endearing and humbling to me.
[35:38] someone supports some guy on a podcast, someone you've never met, just because she wrote, hello Paul.
[35:46] I want to say thank you so much for your dedication and for sharing what you have learned in
[35:49] this life and your desire to help others.
[35:52] I will never forget the first time I heard your podcast.
[35:55] I think it was about 10 years ago; you were the first person who seemed to understand so much of my life's experience.
[36:01] I am so humbled and grateful. thank you, angel that is so wonderful for you to write that to
[36:08] me and for you to give so generously over all these years.
[36:12] I appreciate you and I, the patron who supports me and the show.
[36:20] I'm very grateful for all of you, and I want to let you know that I don't expect anyone to give
[36:26] for a month, let alone years. 99.9% of the people who listen to this show do not give; they
[36:33] do not give financially. they may give their heart, and I am all about that. they may give other
[36:39] ways; they may send me thank-yous, and that's enough. that is wonderful, and I am so grateful.
[36:45] so financial giving is certainly not required, but when it happens, it floors me, it really
[36:51] does, it humbles me to no end. and so again, thank you so much to everyone who gives, whether
[36:57] it's financially or with their heart or with their words. very grateful for you. and let me
[37:03] tell you about a show and how to deal with difficult relationships—that is my other podcast
[37:08] called love and abuse over at loveandabuse.com. and if you know you're the difficult one in
[37:13] the relationship, join the program that is helping a lot of people heal over at healedbeing.com.
[37:19] and with that, always keep your mind open, because that's how you make the best decisions and
[37:26] be firm in your decisions and actions, and you know how to do that now, so that you can create
[37:31] the life you want. always take steps to grow and evolve. you are powerful beyond measure and
[37:38] above all, and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you: you are amazing
[38:42] you

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