# Follow up - Is it love or control

An episode of [The Overwhelmed Brain](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/743537890), 20 Oct 2026, 5:08.

Audio: https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/prfx.byspotify.com/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.libsyn.com/secure/theoverwhelmedbrain/687.1_-_Follow-up_-_Is_it_love_or_control.mp3?dest-id=168817

This is a follow-up episode for number 687: "Is it love or control?" Take time to reflect on 10 self-assessment questions based on the key themes from that episode. Pause between each question and be honest with yourself as you consider how these patterns show up in your life and relationships.

## Transcript

[0:00] Welcome to the follow-up episode for episode number 687, "Is It Love or Control?" If you haven't
[0:07] listened to that episode yet, start there and then come back here.
[0:11] These are questions for reflection based on the subject matter of that episode.
[0:16] This is the first of what I hope to be other follow-ups that I create after future and even
[0:22] past episodes, so I hope these are helpful to you.
[0:26] My recommendation is to pause between each question, soak it in, reflect, and consider how it
[0:32] applies to your life, and be honest: are you ready?
[0:38] Think about your current relationship, or a past relationship if you're not in one now, as you consider these questions.
[0:44] There are no right or wrong answers; this is just about honest self-reflection.
[0:50] Number 1: When your partner wants to spend time with friends or pursue a hobby without you, what's your first reaction?
[0:59] Consider: does something uncomfortable stir inside you?
[1:03] Do you feel threatened or left out?
[1:05] Do you genuinely feel happy that they're doing something that they enjoy?
[1:12] Number 2: Think about the last time your partner made a decision you disagreed with.
[1:17] Did you respect their choice, or did you try to change their mind?
[1:22] Consider: how long did you push back?
[1:25] Did you keep bringing it up until they gave in?
[1:29] What would it mean if they made choices you didn't approve of?
[1:35] Number 3: When your partner is struggling or is in pain, what is your focus?
[1:41] Are you thinking about what would help them feel better, or are you thinking about how their struggle affects you?
[1:48] Does their pain genuinely hurt you, or does it inconvenience you?
[1:54] Number 4: Can you accept your partner exactly as they are right now, or are you waiting for them to change?
[2:03] Consider: what would happen if they never changed?
[2:06] Would you still want to be with them?
[2:09] Are you in love with who they are, or who you hope they'll become?
[2:15] Number 5: Have you ever withdrawn affection, gone silent, or made someone feel guilty until
[2:21] they did what you wanted?
[2:25] Consider: what were you trying to accomplish? Did it work?
[2:29] How did it make them feel?
[2:31] And how did it make you feel about yourself afterward?
[2:36] Number 6: When your partner expresses pain about something that you've done, what is your immediate response?
[2:45] Consider: do you get defensive and focus on your intentions?
[2:49] Do you make it about how their reaction hurts you?
[2:53] Or do you acknowledge their pain first, even if it's hard to hear?
[2:59] Number 7: Do you trust your partner to make their own decisions about their life, their body,
[3:05] their career, and their relationships?
[3:08] Consider: when they make choices without consulting you, how does that feel?
[3:14] Do you believe they're capable of knowing what's best for themselves, or do you think you know better?
[3:22] Let's go to number 8.
[3:23] We only have 10, so we're almost done.
[3:26] If your partner wanted to pursue something that excited them but made you uncomfortable or insecure, what would you do?
[3:33] Would you support their happiness even though it scares you?
[3:37] Would you try to talk them out of it?
[3:39] Would you complain about it until they felt guilty?
[3:44] Number 9: Think about how you act when you're upset with your partner.
[3:49] Do you still treat them with respect and remind them of their worth?
[3:54] Consider: do you say things that hurt them or tear them down?
[3:57] Do you bring up their past mistakes, or do you stay focused on the current issue while still honoring who they are?
[4:07] Number 10, last one: be honest.
[4:09] Are your actions in this relationship motivated by supporting their happiness, or by keeping
[4:15] them close and making yourself comfortable?
[4:20] Consider: what would you change if you prioritized their happiness over your comfort?
[4:27] What are you afraid would happen if you gave them complete freedom to be themselves?
[4:35] So if you felt at all defensive hearing any of these questions, that's actually a good sign.
[4:40] It means that we're close to something that might be helpful to explore and reflect upon inside you.
[4:47] And if you recognized yourself in these behaviors, then that's also a good sign, because it means you're aware.
[4:54] And awareness is the first step toward change.
[4:58] Thanks for taking this journey of reflection.
[5:00] Stay in tune with yourself, and stay in alignment with what you value most.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.