# We’re Not Doing That Anymore

An episode of [Best Life Pending with Steph De Sousa & Chrissy Hearn](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/6806116018), 13 Sep 2026, 27 min.

Audio: https://p.podderapp.com/2544644999/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/2fb3740d-3436-44af-8cc0-a91900716aa5/8a91b3ea-7269-45c7-af4a-b4b4000720d1/7c80fd58-968f-45d9-9a59-b4c0004d7e4d/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=e767cf02-fafa-4c28-b85a-b4b400072512

Getting older comes with aches, brain fog and a few extra tablets but it also comes with freedom. Chrissy and Steph talk menopause, weight, money, relationships, people pleasing and why they’re finally done carrying everyone else’s mental load. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: A Poche production. And action. I'm Chrissy Hearn.
[0:14] Speaker 2: And I am Steph DeSouza. And our podcast is Best
[0:18] Speaker 2: Life Fending. Do you want to be my wing woman?
[0:23] Speaker 1: Be nice to yourself. Yeah. Don't be so hard on yourself.
[0:27] Speaker 1: Just take a moment for the outfit, please. I just
[0:30] Speaker 1: need to talk about what you have on for the peoples,
[0:33] Speaker 1: for the wing girls today. Back in home or in
[0:36] Speaker 1: the car or vacuuming. Yes. Let's talk about it. What
[0:39] Speaker 1: pants have you got on there?
[0:40] Speaker 2: They're wide leg, green cord jeans from the Gorman. And
[0:45] Speaker 2: the top is also from Gorman. And it's interesting because
[0:49] Speaker 2: I love these jeans so much that I wear them
[0:52] Speaker 2: all the time. Like my daughter actually said to me
[0:53] Speaker 2: the other day, you actually need to wash them, Mum,
[0:55] Speaker 2: because you've been wearing them for about two weeks straight.
[0:58] Speaker 1: They just look stunning.
[0:59] Speaker 2: But they're an unusual colour. I'm finding it a little
[1:03] Speaker 2: bit difficult to match them with a top because in
[1:07] Speaker 2: my wardrobe, the greens are very different. Yeah, so I'm
[1:11] Speaker 2: having a little bit of a fashion struggle with these
[1:13] Speaker 2: pants because I love them so much.
[1:15] Speaker 1: I just think that they are beautiful. Thank you. Could
[1:17] Speaker 1: you imagine your mother wearing something like that back in
[1:20] Speaker 1: the day?
[1:20] Speaker 2: 100% not. I don't think of my mother so much
[1:24] Speaker 2: at my age, but I think of my grandmother at
[1:28] Speaker 2: my age. And they were like very typical country grandmothers
[1:33] Speaker 2: and they would wear the floral dress with the string.
[1:37] Speaker 1: Bless. It's a country women's association with the scone. 100%.
[1:42] Speaker 2: Short hair.
[1:43] Speaker 1: Bless.
[1:44] Speaker 2: Permed.
[1:45] Speaker 1: Oh, really? Yes.
[1:46] Speaker 2: One of them was snowy white. The other one was like,
[1:49] Speaker 2: had like a dark grey color.
[1:52] Speaker 1: I have a theory that the reason why women back
[1:54] Speaker 1: in the day would have their hair set every week
[1:57] Speaker 1: was because they had a frozen shoulder and couldn't do
[1:59] Speaker 1: it themselves. I do. I honestly believe that.
[2:02] Speaker 2: So as an ex-hairdresser, I don't think that's accurate.
[2:06] Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
[2:06] Speaker 2: But I think it's something that just happened. So you
[2:09] Speaker 2: know how now we go once a fortnight and get
[2:11] Speaker 2: our nails done?
[2:12] Speaker 1: Yes.
[2:12] Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's like a little bit of something, something
[2:15] Speaker 2: for ourselves. I think that's what that was. I think
[2:18] Speaker 2: it was just they got to a certain age. And
[2:20] Speaker 2: they were able to afford to go and get something
[2:23] Speaker 2: done for themselves and that's what they did.
[2:25] Speaker 1: And that's what they did.
[2:27] Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so. Because I look at me now,
[2:30] Speaker 2: I was 40 before I went and had my nails done.
[2:33] Speaker 1: Really? Yeah.
[2:34] Speaker 2: And it hasn't been until I've been full-time content creator
[2:37] Speaker 2: that I regularly get my nails done. But you know
[2:39] Speaker 2: the first time I ever got my makeup done was
[2:42] Speaker 2: when we went to the TikTok Awards. I never had
[2:44] Speaker 2: my makeup done up until.
[2:45] Speaker 1: And I don't think you're alone there because I only
[2:48] Speaker 1: had my makeup done for the very first time by
[2:50] Speaker 1: a professional. I had never had my makeup done. And
[2:54] Speaker 1: these girlies, year 12, they're sprinting down to Mecca and
[2:58] Speaker 1: they're in there and getting their makeups or M at
[3:00] Speaker 1: UA or whatever they call them, the makeup artists.
[3:02] Speaker 2: It's a different world, isn't it?
[3:04] Speaker 1: Absolutely different.
[3:04] Speaker 2: And different priorities. Like, I don't know about you, but
[3:07] Speaker 2: I don't know how they afford... to do that. Like
[3:10] Speaker 2: these girls that have got this beautiful, beautiful hair, long hair,
[3:14] Speaker 2: foiled or balayaged or whatever, they're getting their nails done,
[3:18] Speaker 2: they've got all the makeup and they're getting their makeup done.
[3:23] Speaker 2: But I can barely afford to do that. I mean,
[3:27] Speaker 2: I do my own hair. I do my own makeup.
[3:31] Speaker 2: I watch YouTube tutorials on how to do it because
[3:34] Speaker 2: I can't justify spending that amount of money and yet, like,
[3:36] Speaker 2: I'm doing okay now. Like, I'm in a very comfortable...
[3:39] Speaker 2: financial position, I wouldn't call myself wealthy by any stretch,
[3:42] Speaker 2: but I'm comfortable. But how are these girlies doing it
[3:45] Speaker 2: that aren't earning.
[3:45] Speaker 1: That much money? I think things are so different now.
[3:47] Speaker 1: They're either working or mum or dad are helping with it. Yeah.
[3:51] Speaker 2: I mean, I would never pay for that stuff for
[3:53] Speaker 2: my kids. I love it if they want to do it,
[3:57] Speaker 2: but I wouldn't pay for it for them.
[3:59] Speaker 1: Oh, I had boys, so it wasn't really an issue.
[4:02] Speaker 1: So I think girls are different.
[4:03] Speaker 2: I've got three boys and one girl, so yeah. And
[4:05] Speaker 2: my darling was always a tomboy anyway. She wouldn't have
[4:08] Speaker 2: cared anyway.
[4:08] Speaker 1: So what was your fashion like growing up? I have
[4:11] Speaker 1: never been a skirt girl, never, ever, ever. I am jeans, pants, tailored,
[4:15] Speaker 1: not fun.
[4:16] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[4:17] Speaker 1: Have you ever been a dress kind of a girl?
[4:19] Speaker 2: No, that's come with age and maturity. Oh. I have
[4:23] Speaker 2: always been a little bit left of center. So I've
[4:26] Speaker 2: always just been a little bit different. Like I've always
[4:29] Speaker 2: just done things a little bit differently. I always had
[4:31] Speaker 2: crazy hair, always had crazy hair. My sister was a hairdresser,
[4:35] Speaker 2: still is, but I was her model for hair competitions
[4:38] Speaker 2: and things like that. So I always had white hair.
[4:41] Speaker 2: My mom used to make some of my clothes so
[4:44] Speaker 2: I could have input into the material or whatever. So
[4:47] Speaker 2: it was always just a little bit left of center.
[4:49] Speaker 2: I went through my Mod goth era. Oh, did you?
[4:52] Speaker 2: You know, with the black, the white face and the
[4:54] Speaker 2: bright red lipstick. I went through that era. I've been
[4:57] Speaker 2: through the dowdy mum era. Yep. Got lots of bitches
[5:00] Speaker 2: like that.
[5:01] Speaker 1: Yeah, awful, isn't it?
[5:02] Speaker 2: I know, it's terrible. But it just wasn't my time,
[5:05] Speaker 2: you know.
[5:05] Speaker 1: No, I agree.
[5:06] Speaker 2: I was in the weeds with the kids and that
[5:08] Speaker 2: was just low priority. I had no money. I was
[5:11] Speaker 2: in a shit relationship, marriage, because I'm on a second.
[5:16] Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
[5:16] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. I practiced with the first one.
[5:18] Speaker 1: Of course. Yeah, you know.
[5:20] Speaker 2: And financially it was like, oh, my God, we were just,
[5:23] Speaker 2: it was bad. I've been through lots of eras. I
[5:26] Speaker 2: feel like I'm in my best era right now. Fashion-wise, everything-wise.
[5:31] Speaker 2: What about you?
[5:32] Speaker 1: Oh, I think I'm in my best era.
[5:34] Speaker 2: What were you like in your 20s?
[5:37] Speaker 1: So I was very much like you, very kind of
[5:41] Speaker 1: left centre, clothes-wise, thinking-wise, that type of thing. I did
[5:45] Speaker 1: a lot of op shopping, Doc Martens.
[5:48] Speaker 2: Oh, I love Doc Martens.
[5:49] Speaker 1: You know, I did all that sort of stuff. I
[5:50] Speaker 1: love that.
[5:51] Speaker 2: I had Doc Martens, they had these big studs all
[5:52] Speaker 2: over them.
[5:53] Speaker 1: Beautiful. And then... I kind of fell into the, not
[5:57] Speaker 1: fell in, I was happy to be there, the mum
[6:00] Speaker 1: era where I wasn't the priority, the boysies were. So,
[6:03] Speaker 1: you know, if they needed something, they would get that
[6:06] Speaker 1: before me.
[6:07] Speaker 2: Did you always dress your kids really well?
[6:09] Speaker 1: Absolutely.
[6:09] Speaker 2: Oh, my kids always looked so good.
[6:11] Speaker 1: They were always very, very nicely dressed and looking great.
[6:15] Speaker 1: And then I kind of feel I like to reinvent
[6:19] Speaker 1: myself every so often. At the moment, I'm in the
[6:22] Speaker 1: middle of a reinvention because I'm on the Jabba Jabba's.
[6:25] Speaker 1: I'm on the Manjaro.
[6:26] Speaker 2: Manjaro.
[6:26] Speaker 1: And I love it. Love the Manjaro.
[6:28] Speaker 2: You're looking fabulous.
[6:30] Speaker 1: Lost about 13 kilos. Although, you know what?
[6:31] Speaker 2: I don't think I'm actually allowed to say that. And
[6:33] Speaker 2: one thing that's like against the social norm rules, I
[6:35] Speaker 2: don't think I'm allowed to comment on your weight loss.
[6:38] Speaker 2: And yet, I want to compliment you on your weight
[6:40] Speaker 2: loss because I think it's amazing that you've done that
[6:43] Speaker 2: for yourself.
[6:43] Speaker 1: And I'm healthier. And I think that's what you're pointing out,
[6:46] Speaker 1: the way it makes me feel.
[6:47] Speaker 2: I love it for you. I would love you as
[6:49] Speaker 2: much if you were the way you used to be
[6:52] Speaker 2: or 100 kilos more.
[6:52] Speaker 1: But I wasn't happy. And I think that's what it
[6:55] Speaker 1: comes down to. Are you happy the way that you are?
[6:57] Speaker 1: If you're not, then you've got to make some changes.
[7:00] Speaker 1: And I know I keep coming back to menopause, harping
[7:02] Speaker 1: on about it, but I could not lose weight after menopause.
[7:06] Speaker 1: I would try everything. I would eat a lettuce leaf
[7:09] Speaker 1: and And I would still put weight on. Oh, same.
[7:12] Speaker 1: Like it's stagnant.
[7:13] Speaker 2: Like it doesn't matter what you do. You can go
[7:15] Speaker 2: to the gym every day. You can stop drinking wine.
[7:17] Speaker 1: You can stop eating, living if you're not doing any
[7:21] Speaker 1: of the things that you want to do. And the
[7:22] Speaker 1: weight just does not.
[7:23] Speaker 2: It doesn't.
[7:23] Speaker 1: So since being on the Manjaro, I've lost about 13 kilos.
[7:27] Speaker 2: It's amazing.
[7:27] Speaker 1: I don't have any inflammation at all now in any
[7:30] Speaker 1: of my joints.
[7:32] Speaker 2: I have spent my whole life. On a diet and
[7:35] Speaker 2: worry about my weight.
[7:36] Speaker 1: Okay, let's go.
[7:37] Speaker 2: I was born for it.
[7:38] Speaker 1: List the diets that you've been on. Oh, my God.
[7:41] Speaker 2: Weight Watchers.
[7:42] Speaker 1: How many times?
[7:43] Speaker 2: Oh, so many.
[7:43] Speaker 1: So many.
[7:44] Speaker 2: So many times.
[7:45] Speaker 1: So many.
[7:45] Speaker 2: And I still in my head think.
[7:47] Speaker 1: Points?
[7:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, in Weight Watchers versions.
[7:50] Speaker 1: Okay.
[7:51] Speaker 2: I've done keto.
[7:52] Speaker 1: Yes. Cabbage soup.
[7:53] Speaker 2: Oh, no, I never did the cabbage soup. Oh, I
[7:55] Speaker 2: lived on the cabbage soup.
[7:57] Speaker 1: Of juice.
[7:57] Speaker 2: Juice diet.
[7:58] Speaker 1: Juice diet.
[7:59] Speaker 2: Oh, my God. That was actually quite successful for me,
[8:01] Speaker 2: but starvation's not a thing.
[8:03] Speaker 1: Bread, water, alternate days. You could only have bread one
[8:07] Speaker 1: day and water the other day.
[8:08] Speaker 2: Have you done the egg diet? Eggs. I did the
[8:10] Speaker 2: eggs for a while.
[8:11] Speaker 1: What else was there? Jenny Craig.
[8:13] Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, I did Jenny Craig. Cost a fortune. CSIRO. Yes.
[8:17] Speaker 2: Did that one. That's the era we were brought up on. And,
[8:21] Speaker 2: you know, I can actually see in each of my
[8:24] Speaker 2: children what my attitude towards food was with each child.
[8:29] Speaker 2: It's really interesting, really interesting watching them and see them
[8:33] Speaker 2: evolve into adults. And I can actually, as they were
[8:36] Speaker 2: growing up, I can look at them and go, oh, yeah,
[8:38] Speaker 2: that's why you eat a lot of that. Or that's what,
[8:42] Speaker 2: you know.
[8:42] Speaker 1: See, I wasn't allowed to leave the table unless everything
[8:46] Speaker 1: was cleared off that plate.
[8:48] Speaker 2: See, I would never have left anything on my plate.
[8:51] Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
[8:51] Speaker 2: You know the word food noise?
[8:53] Speaker 1: Yes.
[8:53] Speaker 2: See, that's a very new word. Well, there was never
[8:56] Speaker 2: any words for it up until now.
[8:59] Speaker 1: But.
[8:59] Speaker 2: I can remember some of my earliest memories. I know
[9:04] Speaker 2: I had food noise back then. Like I've always had
[9:07] Speaker 2: it in my head.
[9:08] Speaker 1: You wake up. What's for breakfast? What's for lunch?
[9:10] Speaker 2: What's for dinner?
[9:10] Speaker 1: What snacks can I eat? But also you.
[9:12] Speaker 2: Finish eating and within half an hour you are thinking
[9:14] Speaker 2: about eating.
[9:16] Speaker 1: It's like... It's hard, isn't it?
[9:17] Speaker 2: Even if you're not hungry, you're thinking about what to eat.
[9:20] Speaker 2: It's noisy.
[9:21] Speaker 1: I laugh when people go, what type of eater are you?
[9:25] Speaker 1: Are you an emotional eater, bored eater, happy eater?
[9:29] Speaker 2: I'm an everything eater.
[9:29] Speaker 1: I'm an everything eater.
[9:31] Speaker 2: Yeah. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. Actually,
[9:33] Speaker 2: you know what? I cook when I'm happy and I
[9:35] Speaker 2: cook when I'm sad too. There you go. I'm a
[9:38] Speaker 2: rollercoaster cooker. If something bad's happening- To me, I will
[9:42] Speaker 2: be in the kitchen cooking. It's mindfulness. See, when I'm
[9:46] Speaker 2: in the kitchen, I am just focusing on that. So
[9:49] Speaker 2: everything else disappears, which is really good. It's a nice
[9:53] Speaker 2: way to get away with it. But then you've got
[9:54] Speaker 2: to eat it.
[9:55] Speaker 1: So what would your 20-year-old self have said to you
[9:59] Speaker 1: right now, looking at the fabulous outfit you've got on?
[10:01] Speaker 1: What would they have said?
[10:02] Speaker 2: They would love where I am now.
[10:05] Speaker 1: Isn't that fabulous? Yeah, they would love where I am now.
[10:07] Speaker 2: And they would, I think, given where I was when
[10:10] Speaker 2: I was 20, yeah, they would be blown away, blown
[10:14] Speaker 2: away and would never have expected. I think my 20-year-old
[10:17] Speaker 2: self would have expected me to be a middle-aged suburban housewife. Really? Yeah,
[10:23] Speaker 2: I think that's where they would have expected. Where I
[10:26] Speaker 2: was then, that's probably all I could see for myself
[10:29] Speaker 2: back then.
[10:29] Speaker 1: Wow.
[10:30] Speaker 2: So to be where I am now is just.
[10:32] Speaker 1: Oh, it's amazing.
[10:33] Speaker 2: Yeah, they wouldn't have even been able to imagine, I
[10:35] Speaker 2: don't think.
[10:36] Speaker 1: I think I've always been the same, but I've just
[10:40] Speaker 1: now come into my own. I'm owning it. I'm leaning
[10:43] Speaker 1: into it.
[10:44] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[10:44] Speaker 1: You know, the ADHD diagnosed now. I mean, who I
[10:49] Speaker 1: am dress wise, I think I've always kind of been
[10:52] Speaker 1: a bit out there. Yeah. And I'm more confident now.
[10:55] Speaker 1: My confidence building every day. Yeah.
[10:58] Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for that person?
[11:01] Speaker 1: Back then in the day? I think I would have
[11:04] Speaker 1: said it's going to be okay. Yeah. It will all
[11:07] Speaker 1: work out. You're going to go through some rough times.
[11:10] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[11:11] Speaker 1: But it's going to be okay. Shit happens, but you're
[11:14] Speaker 1: going to get through it. Yeah. I don't know if
[11:17] Speaker 1: I would have believed it.
[11:19] Speaker 2: Interesting. I would have said, leave now, run.
[11:24] Speaker 1: Really? That's what I would say.
[11:26] Speaker 2: Now, looking forward. At my 20-year-old self, because I was
[11:29] Speaker 2: getting ready to get married for the first time. I
[11:31] Speaker 2: would go, run, run as fast as you can. But
[11:35] Speaker 2: then what would my life have been? So I don't know.
[11:37] Speaker 2: Is it a case of, would I like to change
[11:40] Speaker 2: my life? Because everything has led me to where I
[11:42] Speaker 2: am now and I'm happy now. So yeah, I don't know.
[11:46] Speaker 2: It's hard. But there's some things I wouldn't have wanted
[11:48] Speaker 2: to go through. Yeah. Would never want to go through
[11:51] Speaker 2: a divorce. Oh, my God. It was such a messy,
[11:53] Speaker 2: revolting divorce. And with the kids and blah, it just
[11:56] Speaker 2: was so bad. Like I've had a lot of death
[12:00] Speaker 2: around me and like that, just like I hate that.
[12:04] Speaker 2: There's lots that I probably would have gone through regardless,
[12:06] Speaker 2: which would probably help me to get to where I
[12:08] Speaker 2: am now. But would I have had my kids? I
[12:11] Speaker 2: don't know. Would they have found me regardless of what
[12:13] Speaker 2: relationship I was in? Probably. I don't know if you
[12:16] Speaker 2: believe in the universe.
[12:17] Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely. I believe that your children... pick you.
[12:20] Speaker 2: Yeah. But would I have had four kids if I
[12:22] Speaker 2: had have run then? Maybe not.
[12:23] Speaker 1: Oh, you wouldn't have.
[12:24] Speaker 2: I wouldn't have because I never wanted four kids.
[12:29] Speaker 1: Four. I've got three. Love the boysies. No, it's interesting,
[12:32] Speaker 1: isn't it? How you kind of think, oh, if only
[12:35] Speaker 1: I had taken that job, wonder what I would have done.
[12:39] Speaker 1: Where would I be?
[12:40] Speaker 2: Life is full of turns, right? You just never know
[12:43] Speaker 2: what turn is.
[12:45] Speaker 1: Going to take you.
[12:47] Speaker 2: At the time, you just take the turn that feels
[12:49] Speaker 2: right in that moment and it leads you down a
[12:52] Speaker 2: path and you just take that path and you can't
[12:54] Speaker 2: go back and change your turn. But I often do
[12:57] Speaker 2: wonder what would have happened. What would have happened if
[13:00] Speaker 2: I had gone left instead of right at different moments
[13:03] Speaker 2: in my life? Back then I didn't plan my life.
[13:05] Speaker 2: I just did what was expected of me.
[13:07] Speaker 1: Exactly right.
[13:07] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[13:08] Speaker 1: Well, I think that's a thing for us women. It's
[13:10] Speaker 1: different now. I know and I love that it's so
[13:13] Speaker 1: different now. It's so different.
[13:14] Speaker 2: I was listening to the Life Uncut podcast.
[13:17] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[13:18] Speaker 2: They said something that really resonated with me. They were saying,
[13:21] Speaker 2: do you choose to have children or does society choose
[13:26] Speaker 2: that you have children? And I thought, oh, it's really
[13:28] Speaker 2: interesting because now you choose if you want to have children.
[13:33] Speaker 1: And more and more women are choosing not to have children.
[13:36] Speaker 2: But back when I was first married and had children,
[13:41] Speaker 2: it was never... a thought in my head that I
[13:44] Speaker 2: wasn't going to get married and have children. Like it
[13:46] Speaker 2: wasn't even a consideration because I was a female, I
[13:49] Speaker 2: was of that age and that is what I do.
[13:52] Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's like at school though going through the 80s.
[13:55] Speaker 1: You did typing.
[13:56] Speaker 2: Yeah. I failed. It was like one of the very
[13:58] Speaker 2: few subjects that I failed. I mean I wasn't a
[14:00] Speaker 2: great student. I passed everything but typing I failed.
[14:03] Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
[14:04] Speaker 2: I was a bad female.
[14:05] Speaker 1: I was at the bike sheds having a durry. That
[14:08] Speaker 1: was me. I had no interest in school whatsoever. I
[14:12] Speaker 1: liked art and I liked English and that was it.
[14:16] Speaker 2: I like drama and music.
[14:17] Speaker 1: The girls coming through now are so, I don't want
[14:20] Speaker 1: to say lucky. I hate the word lucky. It's not
[14:23] Speaker 1: about luck.
[14:23] Speaker 2: But you know, we paved that way for them. Absolutely.
[14:26] Speaker 2: Us and the Wing Women have made that for them.
[14:29] Speaker 2: I mean, I think they have the confidence and Permission.
[14:34] Speaker 2: Permission to do it. But I think we have paved
[14:36] Speaker 2: the way for them in order to do that. I
[14:38] Speaker 2: think our generation has done that for them. I look
[14:40] Speaker 2: at my beautiful daughter now, Darby, who is 30 and
[14:45] Speaker 2: about to have her first. Oh, she's 31. See? It's
[14:48] Speaker 2: always a year. I don't know. Anyway, 30 or 31.
[14:51] Speaker 2: And she always said, if I am not married and
[14:53] Speaker 2: partnered by the time I'm 30, I'm going to have
[14:54] Speaker 2: a baby on my own.
[14:55] Speaker 1: Good on her.
[14:56] Speaker 2: And now she is having a baby on her own.
[14:58] Speaker 2: She didn't go through IVF. That's her story, not mine.
[15:01] Speaker 2: But she's having a baby on her own. Like not
[15:03] Speaker 2: even a thought.
[15:05] Speaker 1: Isn't that wonderful?
[15:05] Speaker 2: Not even a thought. And like she was a little
[15:07] Speaker 2: bit nervous to tell us. When she said, I'm pregnant,
[15:11] Speaker 2: I was just so outwardly happy for her. I didn't
[15:15] Speaker 2: even for a second think, oh, you're on your own.
[15:17] Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
[15:17] Speaker 2: Like, you know, I didn't even think of that. I
[15:19] Speaker 2: was just like, oh, my God, you always wanted to
[15:21] Speaker 2: have a baby and you were going to have a baby.
[15:22] Speaker 2: That's amazing. But for me at that age. Had I
[15:26] Speaker 2: have done that, I would have been petrified. Petrified. I
[15:30] Speaker 2: probably would have had an abortion. Okay. And I probably
[15:33] Speaker 2: would have told no one.
[15:34] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[15:35] Speaker 2: And I probably would have just lived with that my
[15:36] Speaker 2: whole life, I think. Because society said, that's not what
[15:39] Speaker 2: you do.
[15:39] Speaker 1: No, because you've got to get married. You've got to
[15:41] Speaker 1: do the whole thing. Yeah, you've got to get married.
[15:42] Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got to do the whole thing. You've got
[15:43] Speaker 2: to plan these things. Wild, right?
[15:45] Speaker 1: I didn't get married till the boysies were a lot older.
[15:49] Speaker 1: And I don't even wear a wedding ring. I haven't
[15:51] Speaker 1: taken his name. I have my own name. The boys
[15:54] Speaker 1: are hyphenated.
[15:55] Speaker 2: That's so different. That's really forward thinking, Chrissie.
[15:58] Speaker 1: Forward thinking.
[15:59] Speaker 2: You are really out there.
[16:00] Speaker 1: For me, that didn't fit what I wanted. Yeah. And,
[16:03] Speaker 1: you know, for other people, it fits for them. That's great.
[16:06] Speaker 2: What do you think is the good bit about getting
[16:10] Speaker 2: older now that you're older?
[16:11] Speaker 1: Not giving a shit. The break's off. Do what I want.
[16:15] Speaker 1: Dress how I want. Go where I want. Yeah, I
[16:18] Speaker 1: love that. Love that.
[16:19] Speaker 2: But it's not even the doing and the going and
[16:22] Speaker 2: the wearing. I think it's the freedom in your mind.
[16:25] Speaker 2: Of not having that suppression.
[16:26] Speaker 1: Because you've got to be not ruled by the family,
[16:29] Speaker 1: but you've got expectations of the family life. You've got
[16:33] Speaker 1: to get the kids up every morning. You've got to
[16:34] Speaker 1: get them off to school. You've got to do the washing.
[16:37] Speaker 1: I mean, Ricardo, the loved one, was very good. He
[16:39] Speaker 1: tried what he did, but he worked long hours. Yeah. So,
[16:42] Speaker 1: you know, I was at home doing all this stuff. Yeah.
[16:45] Speaker 1: And I think now it's like I don't have to
[16:48] Speaker 1: do that anymore. The boysies have left home.
[16:50] Speaker 2: It's your time to shine.
[16:51] Speaker 1: It's my turn. It's my turn now. Yeah.
[16:54] Speaker 2: It's the mental load release because you do have that
[16:58] Speaker 2: huge mental load when you are going through that stage
[17:01] Speaker 2: of life and all of a sudden that kind of
[17:03] Speaker 2: gets lifted. I think that can be really disturbing for
[17:07] Speaker 2: our partners and our children sometimes. I think they may
[17:11] Speaker 2: find that a little bit. challenging in wingwoman age group
[17:16] Speaker 2: because it's a big change when you decide not to
[17:19] Speaker 2: carry that mental load anymore.
[17:21] Speaker 1: When the kids were little, did you have girlfriends that
[17:23] Speaker 1: you'd go away with and spend like weekends or?
[17:26] Speaker 2: No.
[17:27] Speaker 1: No, you didn't do any of that? No.
[17:28] Speaker 2: Well, I could never afford to do it, Chrissie. Like, honestly,
[17:31] Speaker 2: we were dead ass broke. At the end of my fortnight,
[17:36] Speaker 2: I had enough money to take the kids to McDonald's
[17:39] Speaker 2: for a happy meal and that was it. There was
[17:41] Speaker 2: nothing extra. Like there was no going out for dinner.
[17:43] Speaker 2: There was no takeaway. There was nothing. Like that was
[17:46] Speaker 2: bones on my ass kind of scenario. So yeah, I
[17:49] Speaker 2: never did that.
[17:50] Speaker 1: So when you go out now, do you go, oh, gee,
[17:53] Speaker 1: that's a little bit expensive.
[17:54] Speaker 2: I still battle with that. Like for me, money is
[17:58] Speaker 2: always something that I really have a problem spending because
[18:02] Speaker 2: it's always like you never know when you're not going
[18:03] Speaker 2: to have any. So I still sort of am a
[18:06] Speaker 2: bit like that. I wouldn't call myself a toddler. So
[18:07] Speaker 2: we go out for dinner and we buy a nice
[18:09] Speaker 2: bottle of wine and we, Do all the rest of it.
[18:11] Speaker 2: But spending money, like you've just been on your fabulous
[18:14] Speaker 2: European summer vacation and you were saying how much it
[18:17] Speaker 2: cost you.
[18:17] Speaker 1: European summer.
[18:19] Speaker 2: European summer vacation. Yeah. For me, it's like, I don't
[18:23] Speaker 2: know that I could do that.
[18:25] Speaker 1: Really?
[18:25] Speaker 2: Yeah, like that would be, I mean, I have the
[18:27] Speaker 2: money to do it, but like that's really hard for
[18:30] Speaker 2: me to spend that. I mean, I could and I would,
[18:32] Speaker 2: but it would psychologically, it would take me a bit
[18:35] Speaker 2: to get there.
[18:35] Speaker 1: Oh, no. I think I'm quite happy to spend the boys' inheritance. Yeah.
[18:40] Speaker 1: I think I'm going for it.
[18:41] Speaker 2: It's not even for me. It's not about their inheritance.
[18:44] Speaker 2: It's like for me it's like I don't know if
[18:46] Speaker 2: it's ever going to go away.
[18:47] Speaker 1: I wonder if that's because of that first marriage breakdown.
[18:50] Speaker 1: That that's now that front of mind that money has
[18:53] Speaker 1: got to be.
[18:54] Speaker 2: Yeah. Maybe I need to have some therapy. I probably do.
[18:57] Speaker 1: Have you ever been to therapy? Yeah. Have you?
[18:59] Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't love it. Didn't love it.
[19:01] Speaker 1: I always quit it. I don't like it. I always quit.
[19:03] Speaker 2: I never saw it through.
[19:04] Speaker 1: I don't like psychiatrists, psychologists. No? No, not my thing.
[19:09] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not my thing either.
[19:10] Speaker 1: Not my thing.
[19:11] Speaker 2: I encourage other people to do it.
[19:12] Speaker 1: Absolutely. Look, if you need a couch, absolutely, go for it.
[19:14] Speaker 1: I've had all my cats through that. I've had my husband. Yeah, yeah.
[19:17] Speaker 2: But I just don't love it. I'd rather talk to
[19:19] Speaker 2: my girlfriend. Absolutely.
[19:20] Speaker 1: I'd love a glass of wine with a nice dinner. Yeah.
[19:23] Speaker 1: And then you just offload.
[19:25] Speaker 2: Yeah, 100%. What are the good things about getting older?
[19:28] Speaker 1: We look fabulous.
[19:29] Speaker 2: Yeah, we do look really good. I feel like I
[19:31] Speaker 2: look better now than I looked when I was 25.
[19:33] Speaker 1: Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Ricardo says to me, you actually look
[19:37] Speaker 1: better now than when I met you. I said, well,
[19:39] Speaker 1: I don't know if that's an insult, mate. Thank you
[19:41] Speaker 1: very much. Thanks very much. And I do have a
[19:42] Speaker 1: little bit of filler in. But he reckons I've aged
[19:45] Speaker 1: like a good red wine.
[19:46] Speaker 2: Oh, well, you have. Look at you. This is a
[19:48] Speaker 2: nice mature glass of Shiraz.
[19:50] Speaker 1: A Shiraz. Shiraz.
[19:53] Speaker 2: What about the bad things?
[19:55] Speaker 1: I think the aches and the pains.
[19:58] Speaker 2: Speaking of which, I just have to move because, like,
[19:59] Speaker 2: my hip is kicking.
[20:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, the aches and the pains have really surprised me.
[20:03] Speaker 2: Yeah, same.
[20:04] Speaker 1: That has really surprised me. Yeah, oh, my God.
[20:06] Speaker 2: Like, it's like the second I turned 40, I've just had, like,
[20:10] Speaker 2: ailment after ailment after ailment. I've had double carpal tunnel surgery.
[20:13] Speaker 2: I've had tennis elbow surgery. Surgery, I've had my shoulder
[20:17] Speaker 2: cleaned out. Honestly, I've had an ablation. I've had just
[20:22] Speaker 2: all the things. I could just feel like I've got autoimmune,
[20:25] Speaker 2: my psoriasis is an autoimmune disease. Your body just goes
[20:29] Speaker 2: to crap.
[20:30] Speaker 1: It's pre-40.
[20:31] Speaker 2: I've had none of that.
[20:33] Speaker 1: I think the first thing that went for me was
[20:35] Speaker 1: my eyesight.
[20:36] Speaker 2: Yeah. And her mum was gone early.
[20:38] Speaker 1: Oh, my God. 40, that was it. Couldn't see a thing.
[20:41] Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I had glasses early, so for me that
[20:43] Speaker 2: was fine. But a lot of people say the second
[20:45] Speaker 2: you turn 40, your eyesight starts to go.
[20:47] Speaker 1: Also, too, brain fog. The brain frog, I don't like
[20:52] Speaker 1: at all. And I don't know if it's an aging
[20:54] Speaker 1: thing or if it's a menopausal thing. I know it's
[20:56] Speaker 1: probably a bit of both.
[20:57] Speaker 2: Are you on HRT?
[20:58] Speaker 1: No.
[20:59] Speaker 2: Oh, see, you have to get on HRT. No, you do. Like, honestly.
[21:04] Speaker 1: Does Lexapro count? No. Because I'm on the Lexis.
[21:07] Speaker 2: No, because I'm on antidepressants too and anti-anxieties and everything. Oh, fabulous.
[21:13] Speaker 2: I wake up in the morning because when Darby comes over,
[21:15] Speaker 2: we kick Ning out of my bed and she sleeps
[21:17] Speaker 2: with me because it's like a girly sleepover. So we
[21:20] Speaker 2: wake up in the morning and I go, one tablet
[21:22] Speaker 2: so I don't kill someone.
[21:24] Speaker 1: Perfect.
[21:25] Speaker 2: One tablet so I don't kill myself.
[21:27] Speaker 1: Exactly.
[21:27] Speaker 2: And then one tablet so I don't die of a
[21:29] Speaker 2: heart attack.
[21:29] Speaker 1: Perfect. Down they go. Down they go with a little
[21:33] Speaker 1: milk chaser to line the stomach. Do you reckon you've
[21:36] Speaker 1: gotten crankier?
[21:37] Speaker 2: I don't think I have, but I think other people
[21:39] Speaker 2: would say that I have. I think I've just gotten
[21:41] Speaker 2: more honest.
[21:43] Speaker 1: And more real.
[21:44] Speaker 2: It's not that I'm crankier. I just, I don't care
[21:47] Speaker 2: as much about what I say and how it's going
[21:50] Speaker 2: to impact you.
[21:52] Speaker 1: Really? Yeah. Yeah.
[21:53] Speaker 2: I think I'm just more honest and open about what
[21:56] Speaker 2: I want and my opinions and how I want it.
[21:59] Speaker 2: And I don't like people as easily. I have opinions
[22:03] Speaker 2: on people. And if I don't like you, I'm not
[22:05] Speaker 2: hanging out with you.
[22:08] Speaker 1: Okay, so talk to me about that. What does that
[22:11] Speaker 1: look like? So are you a gut instinct kind of
[22:14] Speaker 1: gal where you go, oh, I'm getting a vibe off you,
[22:17] Speaker 1: I'm not liking it?
[22:18] Speaker 2: No. You're done? No, I'm not very good at instincts
[22:21] Speaker 2: like that. That has been proven in the past that
[22:23] Speaker 2: I'm not very good at that.
[22:25] Speaker 1: See, I have childhood trauma. Oh, really? Yes. I can
[22:28] Speaker 1: walk into a room and I can pick up on
[22:31] Speaker 1: the vibes of the room, who's got the shits, who's
[22:35] Speaker 1: a little bit nervous. Who's had words with somebody in
[22:38] Speaker 1: the car with the body language of the, oh, I'm terrible.
[22:42] Speaker 1: It's awful.
[22:43] Speaker 2: I've got none of that. I think as I've gotten older,
[22:46] Speaker 2: I'm less tolerant of the BS. Oh, absolutely. And if
[22:49] Speaker 2: you are racist, sexist, obnoxious, any of the ists, I
[22:57] Speaker 2: just don't want to be around you.
[22:58] Speaker 1: Don't have your time.
[22:59] Speaker 2: I'm. Really happy if you'd have a different opinion to me. Like, actually,
[23:03] Speaker 2: I love that.
[23:03] Speaker 1: I love if someone has a different, I love a good.
[23:05] Speaker 2: Debate and I don't care who you vote for or
[23:09] Speaker 2: what your music is or whatever. I'm like, I actually
[23:11] Speaker 2: like someone who's different to me. But if you're any
[23:13] Speaker 2: of the ists, I don't like it.
[23:16] Speaker 1: You're out.
[23:16] Speaker 2: And I just, I'm not interested.
[23:17] Speaker 1: No, not interested at all. Oh, I don't do any
[23:20] Speaker 1: of that. I reckon I've become less tolerant of people. Yeah.
[23:24] Speaker 1: Like I don't suffer fools very well anymore.
[23:27] Speaker 2: But I think that's good.
[23:27] Speaker 1: Whereas before I used to go, oh, you're a fool
[23:30] Speaker 1: but I love you anyway kind of thing.
[23:31] Speaker 2: Yeah, you would sacrifice yourself. You would do stuff to
[23:35] Speaker 2: please those people. regardless of the fact that they didn't
[23:38] Speaker 2: give a damn about you.
[23:39] Speaker 1: Well, that's it. People-pleasing 101, I could write the book.
[23:43] Speaker 2: Yeah, I think every woman can. I think it's just
[23:46] Speaker 2: in our bodies that that's what we do.
[23:48] Speaker 1: It's in our DNA.
[23:49] Speaker 2: So that's a good thing about getting older. We don't
[23:51] Speaker 2: do that anymore. I mean, I still do a little bit.
[23:53] Speaker 2: I'm never going to be rude to you. So I
[23:55] Speaker 2: will be polite, but you won't see me again.
[23:58] Speaker 1: See, I'm the peacekeeper. I'll try and keep the peace.
[24:01] Speaker 2: You see, I actually have stopped doing that. See? Yeah,
[24:03] Speaker 2: I've stopped being the peacekeeper. And I'm not the babysitter anymore. Like,
[24:08] Speaker 2: if you can't think for yourself, then that's bad luck.
[24:11] Speaker 1: Really?
[24:12] Speaker 2: Like, I'm not thinking for you anymore. You're on your own.
[24:14] Speaker 1: Absolutely.
[24:15] Speaker 2: Use your own brain. Like, if someone, family in particular,
[24:18] Speaker 2: says to me, Where is the, I don't know, whereas
[24:23] Speaker 2: once upon a time I would have gotten up and
[24:24] Speaker 2: I'm going, oh, hang on, it could be over here.
[24:26] Speaker 2: And I'm going, look, can I do this? I would
[24:28] Speaker 2: take that on.
[24:30] Speaker 1: I don't anymore.
[24:31] Speaker 2: So I don't know. Is that bad?
[24:33] Speaker 1: No, God, no. No, no.
[24:34] Speaker 2: Do you do that?
[24:35] Speaker 1: Sometimes Ricardo will ask me a question and it's quite obvious.
[24:40] Speaker 1: The question's quite obvious. Oh, I hate. Are you getting
[24:43] Speaker 1: into bed? Well, mate, I'm pulling down the blankets. I'm
[24:46] Speaker 1: getting into bed. What's giving it away? And I just
[24:51] Speaker 1: don't answer anymore. I just don't have the brain space.
[24:54] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[24:54] Speaker 1: It's funny.
[24:55] Speaker 2: Is that a man thing or is that just us
[24:58] Speaker 2: getting older that that's something that we just can't tolerate anymore?
[25:01] Speaker 2: Because that's actually a bit of a recent thing for me.
[25:04] Speaker 1: Really?
[25:04] Speaker 2: Yeah, where I've just really started to hone into that
[25:07] Speaker 2: side of myself and I'm like, goodness sakes.
[25:11] Speaker 1: I just don't answer questions that are quite blatantly obvious.
[25:15] Speaker 2: I'll just answer in a really sarcastic tone. Like, I
[25:17] Speaker 2: know that's not the right thing to do either, but, like,
[25:20] Speaker 2: don't ask me stupid questions. No. Just don't ask me
[25:23] Speaker 2: stupid questions.
[25:24] Speaker 1: No, no. No, we don't take stupid questions anymore. There
[25:27] Speaker 1: is no room for any of that.
[25:29] Speaker 2: No.
[25:30] Speaker 1: All right, so what I'm taking from this, right, from
[25:32] Speaker 1: this conversation that we've just had basically is that we're
[25:35] Speaker 1: just not doing certain things.
[25:37] Speaker 2: We're not doing it anymore.
[25:38] Speaker 1: Not doing it anymore. And look, let's run through them.
[25:40] Speaker 2: Okay. I'm not answering stupid questions anymore.
[25:43] Speaker 1: We don't do that anymore.
[25:44] Speaker 2: I'm no longer an adult person's babysitter.
[25:47] Speaker 1: Correct. We're no longer people's diaries.
[25:50] Speaker 2: No, not your diary. I'm not your cook, housekeeper. I'm
[25:54] Speaker 2: not your mental load keeper. Have your own mental load.
[25:57] Speaker 2: I've got my own. You look after your own.
[25:59] Speaker 1: We are very happy to love you.
[26:00] Speaker 2: Yes.
[26:01] Speaker 1: Unconditionally.
[26:02] Speaker 2: But I'm not your mother.
[26:03] Speaker 1: But I'm no longer able to fit in my brain
[26:06] Speaker 1: your stupid questions. Yes.
[26:08] Speaker 2: And we're no longer tolerating people that we don't like.
[26:12] Speaker 2: And we are no longer... people pleases.
[26:14] Speaker 1: No longer. I'm still coming to terms with that one,
[26:16] Speaker 1: but I'm working on it. Good girl. Alright.
[26:18] Speaker 2: I'm proud of you.
[26:19] Speaker 1: I'm proud of us. Look at us go. I know.
[26:21] Speaker 1: Hang on.
[26:22] Speaker 2: I need to have a look at my phone because
[26:23] Speaker 2: next week.
[26:24] Speaker 1: Oh, what have we got?
[26:25] Speaker 2: Reinventing yourself is not just for young people.
[26:29] Speaker 1: See?
[26:29] Speaker 2: Somehow, we were taught that by 50... We should have
[26:34] Speaker 2: everything figured out.
[26:35] Speaker 1: Oh, good luck with that.
[26:36] Speaker 2: Instead, many of us are only just discovering what we
[26:39] Speaker 2: actually want. Ain't that the.
[26:42] Speaker 1: Truth, sister? Ain't it, sister?
[26:43] Speaker 2: All right, see you next week.
[26:45] Speaker 1: Can't wait.

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