# Why Your Relationship Patterns Are Actually Childhood Trauma

An episode of [Red Pill Shaman](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/6799461351), 23 Oct 2026, 28 min.

Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2526778/episodes/19993528-why-your-relationship-patterns-are-actually-childhood-trauma.mp3

Send us Fan Mail Exploring the intersection of Zen Buddhism, personal travel, and the shadows found within monastic life. My journey began in a 1990 elective course, which unexpectedly pulled me into a deeper investigation of institutional power. We examine how sexual impropriety within these traditions often mirrors the patterns we observe in our own lives, particularly when we fail to address the core wounds of our past. By contrasting the teachings of Zen Buddhism with the realities of human behavior, we can better understand the illusions of perfection often projected onto spiritual leaders. This reflection integrates analytical psychology and the heart-brain axis to explain how we attract repetitive relationship dynamics. When we ignore our childhood trauma, we remain bound to cycles that keep us from true sovereignty. Learning to surf the waves of life requires us to confront these uncomfortable truths and reclaim our boundaries from the outside in. 🎯What We Cover In This Video: ✅ The hidden history of sexual impropriety within eastern religions, including Japanese Zen and Tibetan Buddhism. ✅ Personal travel stories from China, Tibet, and Israel that exposed the illusion of celibacy and perfection in monastic life. ✅ Understanding how childhood trauma wounds create an energetic resonance that attracts repetitive relationship patterns. ✅ Utilizing analytical psychology, quantum physics, and the heart-brain axis polarities to break societal programming. ✅ DIY healing strategies to transform your emotional wounds into personal wisdom and reclaim your sacred boundaries. 🔔If this video changed your perspective on reality, please hit the LIKE button, SHARE it with a friend, and SUBSCRIBE for more deep dives into quantum physics, psychology, and hidden truths. Don't forget to turn on the notification bell! 🌐 Connect With Me: ● Instagram ● Facebook ● Website: kerryblaser.com ● My Book on Amazon: My Inner Heroine: Exploring Feminine Pain 📘 Get Your FREE DIY Trauma Healing Resources: • Webinar: DIY Trauma Healing Strategies • Meditation and Shamanic Drumming • Six Self-Reflection Techniques • How Souls Communicate • Six Divine Feminine Self Love Strategies TWO Free eBooks: 1) Poems of the Sovereign Soul 2) Wisdom of Peace Plan #ShadowWork #TraumaHealing #Buddhism #AnalyticalPsychology #QuantumPhysics #RedPillShaman #FeminineEnergy #SelfImprovement @RedPillShaman Support the show

## Transcript

[0:00] SPEAKER_00: When I signed up for the History of Zen Buddhism class at UCSB to meet a general election requirement in nineteen ninety, I had no idea it would lead me to China, Tibet, my children's father, the seven-year-old Karmapa in Tibetan Buddhism and Israel, as well as much, much more.
[0:20] SPEAKER_00: I had registered late at UCSB and that course was still available, so I took it.
[0:27] SPEAKER_00: My professor was Dr.
[0:28] SPEAKER_00: Alan Grippard, who specialized in Japanese religious studies.
[0:33] SPEAKER_00: He compared everything to an erect penis from day one.
[0:38] SPEAKER_00: He was French, so that kind of made sense.
[0:41] SPEAKER_00: And he loved Mikel Foucault, who championed pedophilia.
[0:46] SPEAKER_00: He is the professor who taught me about sexual impropriety inside of Japanese Buddhism and beyond.
[0:54] SPEAKER_00: This sexually inappropriate theme in Eastern religion continues with the Karmapa, who is just below the Dalai Lama in Tibetan Buddhism.
[1:04] SPEAKER_00: In 2019, he was accused of sexually assaulting a nun and was held accountable to fathering her child.
[1:13] SPEAKER_00: Also, a Chinese Buddhist monk tried to kiss me while I was visiting a Buddhist mountain in China in 1992.
[1:21] SPEAKER_00: Sexually inappropriate men have been a theme in my life.
[1:25] SPEAKER_00: For example, I attracted Justin Waller and Andrew Tate into my life while healing from my childhood trauma in 2022.
[1:34] SPEAKER_00: They are both in my book.
[1:37] SPEAKER_00: Then there were two Fire Academy instructors, which, you know, kind of speaks for itself along those lines.
[1:43] SPEAKER_00: Before my intuition led me back to my masculine counterpart, Jason Colvin, who I know from my childhood and is currently head of global security at GoDaddy.
[1:55] SPEAKER_00: That name, GoDaddy, screams of sexually inappropriate behavior, and GoDaddy has a strong history of advertising with scantily clad women.
[2:06] SPEAKER_00: Wisdom says the universe is a mirror, showing me myself in every moment as a constant feedback loop for self-improvement.
[2:14] SPEAKER_00: Knowledge says we attract what we are through energetic resonance, meaning a vibrational match.
[2:21] SPEAKER_00: I have definitely been a vibrational match with men who are sexually inappropriate to say the least.
[2:28] SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Red Pill Shaman, where we are shattering the matrix from the inside out.
[2:34] SPEAKER_00: This is where we strip away societal programming to examine history, ancient prophecy, and ourselves through the triple lens of quantum physics, the heart-brain axis polarities between the sexes, and analytical psychology.
[2:52] SPEAKER_00: Why do I take this approach, you might ask?
[2:54] SPEAKER_00: First, Einstein taught us that the field is the sole governing agency of the particle.
[3:02] SPEAKER_00: Second, the female body is designed to absorb the field's emotional nuance, where the male body is built to filter out emotional data and project a protective electric fence.
[3:15] SPEAKER_00: Last but definitely not least, Carl Jung proved that changing the world is an inside job.
[3:23] SPEAKER_00: As a polymath, I love using diverse perspectives to understand events at a deeper, more expansive level.
[3:31] SPEAKER_00: When something's true, it is true in multiple places.
[3:36] SPEAKER_00: Today, I will share my travel stories in China, Tibet, and Israel, where I learned about and experienced sexually inappropriate behavior on many fronts.
[3:47] SPEAKER_00: Since all of this started with my history of Zen Buddhism class, I will start my story there and share what I learned from Dr.
[3:56] SPEAKER_00: Alan Kapard, who taught me how to think critically, the importance of following my heart, why I needed to learn multiple languages, and so much more.
[4:08] SPEAKER_00: He shocked me every class, but I needed that to break out of my Buddhism is all about enlightenment mindset and open my mind to seeing monks and nuns as real people with real problems instead of people who meditated all day long, ate a vegetarian diet, and were beyond personal transgressions.
[4:31] SPEAKER_00: He expanded my mind, for which I am eternally grateful.
[4:36] SPEAKER_00: Welcome to episode 13.
[5:04] SPEAKER_00: I had just transferred there from a community college and was completely shocked at how big the classes were.
[5:11] SPEAKER_00: I had never had a teaching assistant before.
[5:14] SPEAKER_00: I was wide-eyed and naive.
[5:16] SPEAKER_00: Then Dr.
[5:17] SPEAKER_00: Gapart took the stage and started comparing everything to an erect penis.
[5:22] SPEAKER_00: I thought Buddhists were celibate, so I didn't understand why he was being sexual.
[5:28] SPEAKER_00: Little did I know that there are Buddhist monasteries in Japan that have stone phallics.
[5:34] SPEAKER_00: I just learned that Mongolia, Bhutan, and Thailand Buddhist monasteries also have stone phalus.
[5:41] SPEAKER_00: The stone phalus in Japan have several meanings, and many of which are tied to Shinto, the indigenous religion in Japan.
[5:50] SPEAKER_00: He was the first professor to teach me that Buddhism changed in every country it entered, adopting local customs just like Christianity did when it entered the Americas.
[6:01] SPEAKER_00: It assimilated, combining Buddhist teachings with local customs.
[6:06] SPEAKER_00: Also, I had a special connection with my teaching assistant, James Robson, who is now a professor at Harvard.
[6:15] SPEAKER_00: I was very attracted to James, but he was never inappropriate with me.
[6:19] SPEAKER_00: But one time I was sitting alone and he walked up to me to talk.
[6:23] SPEAKER_00: I instantly felt a masculine presence inside of me who was very territorial, pushing James away.
[6:32] SPEAKER_00: At the time, I didn't understand what was happening to me as I didn't remember Jason from my childhood.
[6:39] SPEAKER_00: He is my masculine counterpart, but his energy was inside of me, pushing James away.
[6:46] SPEAKER_00: James never approached me like that again, even though I continued to see him at UCSB for the next few years into my graduate studies while there.
[6:56] SPEAKER_00: James was the first of several high-caliber men I was attracted to, but couldn't obtain.
[7:03] SPEAKER_00: The next one happened in China.
[7:05] SPEAKER_00: Anyway, after attending that class, I knew I had to study East Asian religious studies.
[7:11] SPEAKER_00: Dr.
[7:11] SPEAKER_00: Grippard opened my heart and I was hooked.
[7:14] SPEAKER_00: He told me that I should start with Chinese, so I signed up for an intensive summer course at UCLA.
[7:21] SPEAKER_00: I took one year of Chinese in 12 weeks.
[7:24] SPEAKER_00: That is all I did that summer.
[7:26] SPEAKER_00: I got up early, drove 45 minutes, took my class, drove home, learned 60 new characters and grammatical structures, and pressed repeat the next day.
[7:37] SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
[7:37] SPEAKER_00: I'm a total nerd.
[7:39] SPEAKER_00: The next fall, I began looking into study abroad programs in China.
[7:44] SPEAKER_00: That was my fourth year at college, so I signed up for the six-month course at Nankai University in Tianjin.
[7:51] SPEAKER_00: It was a famous university located one hour northeast of Beijing, where Zhou Enlai attended college.
[7:58] SPEAKER_00: He is recognized as the primary Chinese diplomatic architect of the historic opening of Sino-American relations, opening the door for President Nixon to visit communist China in 1972.
[8:11] SPEAKER_00: That was the U.S.
[8:12] SPEAKER_00: government's first visit to the newly established country.
[8:15] SPEAKER_00: When introducing myself to people in China in 1992, I would always tell them I attended Nankai University where Zhou and Lai attended.
[8:26] SPEAKER_00: That's the Chinese.
[8:27] SPEAKER_00: They were always very impressed.
[8:29] SPEAKER_00: So I flew to China in June of 1992 with a whole group of students from all of the University of California campuses.
[8:37] SPEAKER_00: First, we stayed in Hong Kong for four days.
[8:40] SPEAKER_00: I had lived in France and Switzerland before I was five, so I didn't remember anything really about traveling.
[8:46] SPEAKER_00: I had no recollection of leaving the country, so Hong Kong was like a whole new universe for me.
[8:52] SPEAKER_00: I was out of America.
[8:54] SPEAKER_00: There were sky-high buildings, a McDonald's on every corner, and cars and buses everywhere.
[9:00] SPEAKER_00: I was very glad that I had a guide.
[9:03] SPEAKER_00: Lucky enough, we had one day to travel there on our own, and it was my birthday, June 25th.
[9:10] SPEAKER_00: I decided to go to an island called Lantao that my Chinese religious studies professor had told me about.
[9:16] SPEAKER_00: It has the largest sitting Buddha in the world and a wonderful vegetarian restaurant.
[9:21] SPEAKER_00: Best of all, there was a walk around the island near the temple that he told me I had to take.
[9:27] SPEAKER_00: I did, and while walking there, it was like going back in time 100 years.
[9:32] SPEAKER_00: The houses quickly became small, like 12 by 12 feet.
[9:36] SPEAKER_00: People squatted outside washing their dishes and cooking.
[9:39] SPEAKER_00: I had just exited a boat where there was a McDonald's on every corner in Hong Kong.
[9:45] SPEAKER_00: And then I was walking by people washing their dishes over dirt.
[9:49] SPEAKER_00: To say my mouth was on the floor is the understatement of the century.
[9:53] SPEAKER_00: So the next day we flew to Tianjin and boarded a bus to Nankai University.
[9:58] SPEAKER_00: Right when we exited the airport, I looked out the window and saw masses of people riding bicycles and wearing dark blue Mao suits.
[10:07] SPEAKER_00: There were no McDonald's in sight as the first McDonald's in Beijing had only been built two months prior.
[10:14] SPEAKER_00: I was in China, like for real China with malnourished people, like the famous picture of the man standing in front of the tank during the Tiananmen Square massacre three years prior.
[10:25] SPEAKER_00: It was like being on a whole other planet.
[10:28] SPEAKER_00: I had my face pressed up against the window with my mouth agasp.
[10:32] SPEAKER_00: A couple of weeks later, I was wearing a tank top and riding my own bike inside of the city.
[10:38] SPEAKER_00: I had heard that Chinese people viewed tank tops as sexually inappropriate, but I was American and defiant in 1992.
[10:47] SPEAKER_00: I quickly learned a lesson that you get what you give.
[10:51] SPEAKER_00: While riding that day, a man riding his own bike came up next to my bike with a condom in his hand offering me sex.
[10:59] SPEAKER_00: I yelled obscenities at him in Chinese and rode away quickly.
[11:04] SPEAKER_00: I stopped wearing tank tops that summer.
[11:06] SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to attract that into my life again.
[11:09] SPEAKER_00: Well at Nankai University, I developed a love at first sight relationship with a Japanese student.
[11:16] SPEAKER_00: He was tall for a Japanese man.
[11:18] SPEAKER_00: He played American football.
[11:20] SPEAKER_00: His nickname was Gans.
[11:22] SPEAKER_00: I saw him on the stairs and he took my heart instantly.
[11:26] SPEAKER_00: He would stare at me, but we rarely talked.
[11:28] SPEAKER_00: At a party, I taught him some dance moves before North Korean students joined in and then he left.
[11:35] SPEAKER_00: Then I taught North Korean students how to dance the running man in 1992.
[11:40] SPEAKER_00: That was definitely a major life achievement as their chaperones rarely let them interact with American students in China.
[11:47] SPEAKER_00: I quickly learned that my Chinese improved exponentially while traveling alone.
[11:52] SPEAKER_00: So I left school to go to several Buddhist mountains, with the first one being Zhouhuashan or Nine Flowers Mountain.
[12:00] SPEAKER_00: On the way there, I had to stay overnight between two bus rides in hotel.
[12:05] SPEAKER_00: A Chinese man I talked to on the bus asked to stay in the same room as me.
[12:10] SPEAKER_00: He tried to hug me and grab my breasts.
[12:13] SPEAKER_00: I pushed him away.
[12:14] SPEAKER_00: I asked the hotel management to watch him and got my own room, keeping the door locked.
[12:20] SPEAKER_00: I was in shock.
[12:21] SPEAKER_00: The next mountain I visited was Mount Tantai.
[12:24] SPEAKER_00: While there, a monk asked to walk with me to show me around.
[12:29] SPEAKER_00: Once we left the temple grounds, he grabbed my hand and tried to kiss me.
[12:34] SPEAKER_00: I ran back to the temple and never saw him again.
[12:38] SPEAKER_00: At the time, I didn't understand that my soul attracted those inappropriate events into my life to show me the sexual abuse wounds repressed in my soul.
[12:49] SPEAKER_00: It was like I was wandering around my life clueless about why those types of situations kept happening to me.
[12:56] SPEAKER_00: At another location in China, a random man walked up to me and grabbed my shirt to rip it open.
[13:03] SPEAKER_00: These were not typical experiences for American white women in China.
[13:07] SPEAKER_00: They were specifically happening to me.
[13:10] SPEAKER_00: While I had many amazing experiences while visiting these places, I kept running into men that would treat me inappropriately in a sexual way, including men who were supposed to be celibate.
[13:22] SPEAKER_00: At the time, I didn't remember my masculine counterpart who was Jason from high school.
[13:27] SPEAKER_00: On paper, he was perfect.
[13:29] SPEAKER_00: He was ASB president, multiple sport varsity letterman, gorgeous, and attended AP classes.
[13:36] SPEAKER_00: He went to the US Air Force Academy.
[13:39] SPEAKER_00: I had repressed my memories of his inappropriate behavior with me, but my soul was showing me myself, my wounds.
[13:46] SPEAKER_00: I just didn't know how to listen.
[13:48] SPEAKER_00: At the end of 1992, I decided to return to UCSB to finish my degree.
[13:54] SPEAKER_00: Two days before my departure, Gans came into my room in the middle of the night and gave me his favorite thing, a book, while asking me if I knew what that meant.
[14:05] SPEAKER_00: I nodded and cried.
[14:06] SPEAKER_00: I had learned that Japanese men almost never date non Japanese women, but our love was real.
[14:14] SPEAKER_00: On the morning I left, tears were rolling down my face as I stared at Gans in the crowd.
[14:20] SPEAKER_00: He wrote me one letter that night after I left.
[14:23] SPEAKER_00: I kept that letter in his book for 30 years until I finally let my feelings for him go in 2022 when I burned the book and letter together.
[14:33] SPEAKER_00: After graduating in the summer of 1993, I planned to go back to China to travel more before settling in Taiwan to teach English.
[14:42] SPEAKER_00: My plans changed.
[14:44] SPEAKER_00: Five days before my departure, Gans called me to tell me he would join our mutual friends to see me in Tokyo for one night as my flight had a layover for one night there.
[14:55] SPEAKER_00: That is the only time he reached out to me after he sent me the letter.
[14:59] SPEAKER_00: I had written to him many times, but felt unsuccessful as he had never written back.
[15:05] SPEAKER_00: I was traveling with a male friend when I arrived in Tokyo.
[15:09] SPEAKER_00: When Gans knocked at the door, John answered instead of me, which did not go over very well with him.
[15:16] SPEAKER_00: He was mad at me and I didn't know how to handle it.
[15:19] SPEAKER_00: John ended up sleeping in a separate room.
[15:22] SPEAKER_00: My bed was next to Gans' bed as we were sharing a hotel room with our two other friends.
[15:28] SPEAKER_00: I was nauseous all night and could barely sleep.
[15:31] SPEAKER_00: I wanted to reach out to his hand while he slept so badly, but I was terrified.
[15:36] SPEAKER_00: I never did it and woefully said goodbye to him the next day.
[15:40] SPEAKER_00: I never saw him again.
[15:42] SPEAKER_00: When John and I arrived in China the next day, my female friend was waiting for us at the Beijing Airport.
[15:48] SPEAKER_00: We traveled around China prior to making our way to the province north of Tibet.
[15:54] SPEAKER_00: We decided to take a bus over the highest road in the world to get into Tibet.
[15:59] SPEAKER_00: When the tall Tibetan driver got on the bus, he put in Madonna's first album for us all to listen to.
[16:07] SPEAKER_00: I didn't quite know what to make of it, but weird things had happened on my travels, so I went with it.
[16:13] SPEAKER_00: We sang along.
[16:14] SPEAKER_00: A few hours later, several Tibetan men dressed in traditional clothing, which included a lot of knives, got on the bus.
[16:22] SPEAKER_00: They were given small wooden stools to sit on between the seats.
[16:27] SPEAKER_00: There were several Chinese military personnel sitting right behind me in the back of the bus.
[16:33] SPEAKER_00: They started harassing the Tibetans endlessly.
[16:36] SPEAKER_00: There I was, between Tibetans armed with many knives and Chinese armed with multiple guns.
[16:43] SPEAKER_00: Luckily, the worst thing that happened to me on that two-day bus ride was extreme diarrhea.
[16:49] SPEAKER_00: Nothing happened between the Chinese and Tibetans.
[16:52] SPEAKER_00: I survived and arrived at Lhasa at the capital safely.
[16:56] SPEAKER_00: One day, the woman I was traveling with and I went to the fanciest hotel in Lhasa at the time.
[17:02] SPEAKER_00: It was a holiday inn.
[17:04] SPEAKER_00: In 1993, Tibet wasn't very developed yet, so that's what they had.
[17:09] SPEAKER_00: We went for it.
[17:10] SPEAKER_00: While eating breakfast, we met a woman who planned to go on a day trip to a nearby monastery where a famous young monk lived.
[17:19] SPEAKER_00: He was the reincarnated leader of that type of Tibetan Buddhism.
[17:24] SPEAKER_00: The leader of each type is reincarnated just like the Dalai Lama.
[17:28] SPEAKER_00: He is called the Karmapa.
[17:30] SPEAKER_00: He was the first reincarnated monk the Chinese government had allowed since it took over Tibet in 1951, so it had been quite a long time coming.
[17:39] SPEAKER_00: The Karmapa was seven years old at the time.
[17:42] SPEAKER_00: While he was there, he set a blessing for each of us and put a red string around our necks, representing his blessing.
[17:49] SPEAKER_00: He escaped Tibet when he was 14 by going over the Himalayan mountains into India.
[17:54] SPEAKER_00: He learned English and gave a TED talk when he was 20.
[17:58] SPEAKER_00: He's quite accomplished.
[17:59] SPEAKER_00: Recently I learned that he was accused of sexually abusing a Buddhist nun in 2019, and DNA evidence proved he fathered her child.
[18:09] SPEAKER_00: So much for celibacy, I guess.
[18:11] SPEAKER_00: A couple of days after I met him, I separated from my friends as they wanted to go to Nepal and I planned to return to China.
[18:19] SPEAKER_00: The next day I went on a bus trip to a nearby monastery where I met two Israeli men who were traveling after their army service.
[18:27] SPEAKER_00: I later learned that they were Israeli Defense Force Special Forces, if you know what I mean, and just happened to be in Beijing, you know, it just happened, right?
[18:36] SPEAKER_00: At the same time as Itzak Rabin's historic trip to Beijing to establish Sino-Israeli relations.
[18:44] SPEAKER_00: The day we met, we both responded to the same sign looking for four more people to rent a land cruiser together to travel around Tibet, including the Mount Everest Base Camp.
[18:55] SPEAKER_00: At that time, it was impossible to travel around Tibet by bus or train, so travelers had to get together to rent a truck and driver.
[19:03] SPEAKER_00: We started our trip the next day.
[19:05] SPEAKER_00: In the land cruiser, there were four Israeli men, a German man, me, and the Tibetan driver who only spoke Tibetan and Chinese.
[19:13] SPEAKER_00: I was the only passenger who spoke Chinese, so I was the translator for the driver.
[19:18] SPEAKER_00: We made several stops before staying at a Buddhist monastery on the side of the Mount Everest base camp.
[19:25] SPEAKER_00: It was located at 17,500 feet.
[19:28] SPEAKER_00: My best travel story happened when we arrived there.
[19:32] SPEAKER_00: When we parked our truck there, a monk came out to greet us.
[19:36] SPEAKER_00: He only spoke one sentence in English, we have wood.
[19:39] SPEAKER_00: It was early November, so it was cold.
[19:42] SPEAKER_00: We definitely needed fuel for the fire, but we instantly asked each other, how do they have wood?
[19:48] SPEAKER_00: Mark, the young German man and I, went with the monk to collect the wood.
[19:53] SPEAKER_00: We knew that Tibetans use yak dung for fuel, and we were way above the tree line, so we questioned how they would have been able to haul wood up four thousand feet.
[20:05] SPEAKER_00: We had a hard time walking up a couple of steps at that elevation.
[20:09] SPEAKER_00: Anyway, the monk guided us to where they stored their wood.
[20:13] SPEAKER_00: He opened the door while pointing and said wood.
[20:17] SPEAKER_00: Mark looked at him inquisitively and then pointed the pile and said shit as it was yak dung.
[20:24] SPEAKER_00: The monk shook his head no and said wood.
[20:27] SPEAKER_00: I was bending over, laughing hysterically as we were arguing with a monk about whether it was wood or shit.
[20:34] SPEAKER_00: Mark said shit again and again until the monk started calling it shit.
[20:39] SPEAKER_00: We took a load of shit back with us to our room to burn as fuel.
[20:44] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we were young and inappropriate, I know, but it was hilarious.
[20:48] SPEAKER_00: Then after we left the next day, we all joked about what it would be like for the next group of travelers to arrive at this old Buddhist monastery on the side of Mount Everest for a once-in-a-lifetime spiritual experience, right?
[21:03] SPEAKER_00: Then the monk would deliver that experience by stating, we have shit.
[21:08] SPEAKER_00: That was 1993 before YouTube, but that would have made a viral video for sure.
[21:14] SPEAKER_00: We were young and inappropriate, but I still laugh hysterically when I tell that story.
[21:19] SPEAKER_00: Also, I had my first kiss with my Israeli ex-husband at that monastery.
[21:24] SPEAKER_00: When we got back to Lhasa, he lovebombed me, saying he wanted to marry me.
[21:29] SPEAKER_00: I had only known him for 10 days, but I was afraid to lose him, especially after what happened between Gans and me.
[21:36] SPEAKER_00: I agreed to stay with him.
[21:38] SPEAKER_00: We traveled together to Thailand, where we ran into Mark and Australia prior to going to Israel.
[21:44] SPEAKER_00: He would flirt with other women in front of me, but I was scared to lose him, so I stayed.
[22:00] SPEAKER_00: Lessons to learn and so many challenging experiences ahead of me.
[22:03] SPEAKER_00: It would be another 22 years before I started learning those lessons.
[22:08] SPEAKER_00: While in Israel in 1995, I worked at the USO for ATT to help all of the sailors come home.
[22:15] SPEAKER_00: I went on a helicopter carrier and several other ships, including the USS Shenandoah.
[22:21] SPEAKER_00: That was really special for me as my mom always had a second name for me, Shenandoah, meaning daughter of the stars.
[22:29] SPEAKER_00: While I have so many more stories to tell, allow me to share my self-reflection strategies I have summarized on a one-pager for everyone's benefit.
[22:37] SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here they are, and they're also linked below.
[22:40] SPEAKER_00: If you're audio only, the this is linked below.
[22:43] SPEAKER_00: But here are my six self-reflection techniques that I use to help everyone learn how to transform their emotional wounds into personal wisdom.
[22:52] SPEAKER_00: The first is called appreciate, learn, and forgive.
[22:56] SPEAKER_00: To summarize quickly, appreciate your challenges as that opens your heart so you can learn your lessons.
[23:02] SPEAKER_00: Learn your lessons by turning your wound into wisdom.
[23:05] SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, why am I a vibrational match for this problem?
[23:09] SPEAKER_00: Why did I attract this problem into my life?
[23:11] SPEAKER_00: Like one time I had a hard time apologizing to my daughter.
[23:15] SPEAKER_00: So I asked myself, why am I having this problem?
[23:18] SPEAKER_00: And I heard, you believe that if you apologize, your loved ones will leave you.
[23:24] SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a wound in my subconscious driving terrible behavior.
[23:28] SPEAKER_00: So I turned that wound into wisdom.
[23:30] SPEAKER_00: Wisdom is when I apologize to my loved ones, they will want to stay.
[23:35] SPEAKER_00: Then I acted on that wisdom and forgiveness naturally followed.
[23:39] SPEAKER_00: Second, the love hierarchy.
[23:42] SPEAKER_00: Self-love comes first so you can fill up your cup of love.
[23:47] SPEAKER_00: When you don't fill up your cup of love, you pour from lack, you pour from shame, guilt, and fear.
[23:52] SPEAKER_00: You pour from the parts of yourself, the wounded parts of yourself.
[23:56] SPEAKER_00: So you need to have enough love so you have an overflowing cup.
[23:59] SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by enough self-love is exercise in a healthy way, sleep well, walk barefoot in nature, hug a tree, take necessary vacation time, read books, draw healthy boundaries, the basics.
[24:13] SPEAKER_00: And then when your cup is overflowing, then you can pour from the overflow onto other people.
[24:19] SPEAKER_00: So first is self-love, then partner love, then child love, then extended family love, and then community love.
[24:27] SPEAKER_00: But what I saw in myself and others who hadn't healed is they started with community because they were so desperate for friendships and worked their way backwards to self-love, and they never had anything left over from themselves.
[24:39] SPEAKER_00: That's a very codependent life.
[24:41] SPEAKER_00: Inverted wisdom is a wound.
[24:43] SPEAKER_00: It's inverted wisdom to start with community and end with self.
[24:47] SPEAKER_00: It's wisdom to start with self and lastly go to community.
[24:51] SPEAKER_00: The universe is a mirror, like I've said a couple times in this episode.
[24:55] SPEAKER_00: So the universe is a mirror showing you yourself in every moment as a constant feedback loop for self-improvement.
[25:02] SPEAKER_00: Like I attracted so many sexually inappropriate situations into my life because I had a wound about sexually inappropriate behavior.
[25:11] SPEAKER_00: That's why it was showing me that wound, showing me myself.
[25:15] SPEAKER_00: So my subconscious is myself.
[25:17] SPEAKER_00: It's the repressed parts of myself inside my soul.
[25:21] SPEAKER_00: Knowledge says we attract what we are through energetic resonance, meaning a vibrational match.
[25:26] SPEAKER_00: That's where I get why my vibrational match for these challenges.
[25:30] SPEAKER_00: Learn to surf the waves of life, which really means appreciate, learn, forgive.
[25:34] SPEAKER_00: Learn how to go into your emotions and out of your emotions.
[25:37] SPEAKER_00: And start with the small ones, like the appreciate one.
[25:40] SPEAKER_00: I didn't start with an enlightenment experience because I couldn't handle it.
[25:43] SPEAKER_00: So my soul started me on the one-foot wave.
[25:46] SPEAKER_00: Start on the one foot wave and slowly work your way up to the 70-foot wave.
[25:50] SPEAKER_00: Like if you're going to start climbing mountains, you're not going to start at Mount Everest.
[25:54] SPEAKER_00: No, that's like spiritual enlightenment, right?
[25:56] SPEAKER_00: You're going to start on the hill by your house and grow from there.
[26:00] SPEAKER_00: Be reasonable, take a measured approach to it.
[26:03] SPEAKER_00: Changing the world is an inside job.
[26:05] SPEAKER_00: Since we attract what we are, when we don't change ourselves internally, turn our wounds into wisdom, we keep attracting what we are.
[26:13] SPEAKER_00: We keep attracting the negative into our lives.
[26:15] SPEAKER_00: How many times have you heard women say, Why are all men narcissists?
[26:20] SPEAKER_00: Where are all the good men?
[26:21] SPEAKER_00: Okay, girlfriend.
[26:23] SPEAKER_00: Why are all the men you attract into your life narcissists?
[26:27] SPEAKER_00: Why are all the men you attract into your life not good men?
[26:32] SPEAKER_00: That's how you change your world.
[26:34] SPEAKER_00: That's how we change our own reality, and our own reality grows when everybody does it.
[26:39] SPEAKER_00: Right?
[26:40] SPEAKER_00: If we all had healthy boundaries, we wouldn't tolerate billions of dollars being stolen from us, like the US government is dealing with right now.
[26:48] SPEAKER_00: But we didn't have healthy boundaries, so this is what happens.
[26:51] SPEAKER_00: And the last one, pain is an initiation process for personal growth, and that's pretty self-explanatory.
[26:57] SPEAKER_00: At the bottom of the page is a link to a nine-page free ebook where I go into more details about it.
[27:03] SPEAKER_00: I also have examples of physics experiments that show how this is all true.
[27:08] SPEAKER_00: To help everyone learn how to transform their emotional wounds into personal wisdom with my DIY healing strategies, I have linked several free resources in the description or pinned comment below.
[27:20] SPEAKER_00: As Red Pill Shaman, I am not here to take on personal clients as I save my time to help first responders and military personnel.
[27:28] SPEAKER_00: I am here to do the feminine energetic work globally and share my wisdom with all people who feel drawn to it.
[27:35] SPEAKER_00: I contribute to the collective with my weekly enlightenment experiences, this podcast, my YouTube channel, and my book, My Inner Heroine Exploring Feminine Pain.
[27:45] SPEAKER_00: Please reach out with questions via my personal website at carrieblazer.com, also linked below.
[27:52] SPEAKER_00: Make sure your notifications are turned on because next time we will start season three called Men of Valor with Cal Fire Chief Chuck E.
[28:01] SPEAKER_00: Carroll sharing his story of healing from an acquired brain injury.
[28:06] SPEAKER_00: You don't want to miss it.
[28:07] SPEAKER_00: In the meantime, keep trusting your internal authority, keep surfing the waves of life, and remember your boundaries are sacred, and changing the world is an inside job.
[28:18] SPEAKER_00: I'm Carrie May Blazer, the Red Pill Shaman, and I will see you next time with Chief Tech.
[28:24] SPEAKER_00: Bye!

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