# God Awful Movies Reviews "The Second Coming"

An episode of [TheThinkingAtheist](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/412308695), 23 May 2025, 2 h 02 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/mgln.ai/e/711/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/65977250/podcast805_gam_thesecondcoming.mp3

The God Awful Movies crew has given permission to re-broadcast the April 8th review of the Ron Ormond doomsday movie, "The Second Coming." Brace yourself. GAM review of "The Car" Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thethinkingatheist--3270347/support.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Understand the thinking atheist. It's not a person, it's a symbol,
[0:09] Speaker 1: an idea.
[0:10] Speaker 2: The population of atheists this country is going through.
[0:13] Speaker 1: The rule, rejecting faith, pursuing knowledge, challenging the sacred. If
[0:18] Speaker 1: I tell the truth, it's because I tell the truth,
[0:22] Speaker 1: not because.
[0:22] Speaker 3: I put my hand on a book and made a wish.
[0:25] Speaker 1: And working together for a more rational world.
[0:29] Speaker 2: Take the risk of thinking. Feel so much more happiness.
[0:32] Speaker 2: Truth Fusian wisdom will come to you that way.
[0:35] Speaker 1: Assume nothing, question everything, and start thinking. This is the
[0:43] Speaker 1: Thinking Atheist Podcast hosted by Seth Andrews.
[0:56] Speaker 2: If you are already a listener to the God Awful
[0:58] Speaker 2: Movies podcast with Eli Bosnik, Noah Illusions and Heathen Right,
[1:04] Speaker 2: you probably already heard what I am re publishing here.
[1:08] Speaker 2: The guys gave me permission to share with this audience
[1:14] Speaker 2: a broadcast that I guested on on the eighth of April.
[1:19] Speaker 2: They wanted help reviewing yet another Christian film, this one
[1:23] Speaker 2: produced in nineteen eighty called The Second Coming. It was
[1:28] Speaker 2: made by a Christian filmmaker, and I'm being generous when
[1:32] Speaker 2: I call him a filmmaker, Ron Ormond, and I think
[1:37] Speaker 2: they had thought it was my first appearance, we had
[1:40] Speaker 2: a conversation. I've actually been on GAM once before, a
[1:43] Speaker 2: few years ago. That's decide the point anyway. The next
[1:47] Speaker 2: two hours consists of four Heathens reviewing yet another dystopian
[1:53] Speaker 2: film about the rapture. Jesus has returned, the anti Christ
[1:58] Speaker 2: has dominion. People are taking the mark of the Beast.
[2:02] Speaker 2: There's a global military force persecuting Christians. And yes, a
[2:08] Speaker 2: man who didn't think he needed God, and boy was
[2:13] Speaker 2: he wrong. Oh, Heath, Noah and Eli are masters at
[2:19] Speaker 2: lampooning this stuff. They describe the film. We give our thoughts.
[2:24] Speaker 2: That is what you are about to hear in this
[2:27] Speaker 2: bonus broadcast, which is free to everybody, including my patrons.
[2:32] Speaker 2: Just something I wanted to share here on my channel.
[2:36] Speaker 2: The link to the film, which is online in its entirety,
[2:41] Speaker 2: the Second Coming. I have put that link in the
[2:44] Speaker 2: show notes in case you're just that much of a massachist.
[2:48] Speaker 2: I have also linked the God Awful Movies podcast in
[2:52] Speaker 2: the description box as well. Okay, here we go.
[3:00] Speaker 4: Back to the game cash, where each week we sample
[3:01] Speaker 4: another selection from Christian cinema. Because after the first five hundred,
[3:04] Speaker 4: we're finally all warmed up I'm your host, no Illusions,
[3:07] Speaker 4: And sitting seven undred mouse to my immediate left is
[3:09] Speaker 4: my good friend Heath and right, Heath, welcome back.
[3:12] Speaker 5: We got ron Ormond. I'm excited.
[3:15] Speaker 4: I can't believe there's more ron Ormond after five hundred episodes.
[3:19] Speaker 4: And sitting nine hundred miles to my northeast is my
[3:21] Speaker 4: bad friend Eli Bosnik, Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir?
[3:26] Speaker 4: Exactly exactly same, same, And we're also excited to welcome
[3:31] Speaker 4: in an old friend, but a first time guest.
[3:33] Speaker 6: Massacist.
[3:33] Speaker 4: Seth Andrews is the host of the Thinking Atheist podcast
[3:36] Speaker 4: and the author of Deconverted, Sacred Cow's Confessions of a
[3:39] Speaker 4: former Fox News Christian and Christianity made me talk like
[3:42] Speaker 4: an idiot. Love that title, and he's got a voice
[3:45] Speaker 4: made of pure caramel. Seth, Welcome to the show.
[3:49] Speaker 2: It's so kind of you to say. I had somebody
[3:51] Speaker 2: on the Facebook page said, honey covered Thunder.
[3:55] Speaker 6: Yeah, fuck yeah?
[4:00] Speaker 2: Is this my first tango with you? Guys? I wanted.
[4:03] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[4:03] Speaker 2: We did a show together on my channel. We were
[4:07] Speaker 2: covering I think one of the Thief and the Night
[4:09] Speaker 2: movies are super Christian or one of the classics. You know.
[4:13] Speaker 2: So it is good to be here. Yeah.
[4:15] Speaker 6: Yeah, we've done a couple on your show.
[4:17] Speaker 4: I've had you on Scathing before, but this is yeah,
[4:19] Speaker 4: this is your first foray into god awful movies.
[4:22] Speaker 2: Well, I am loaded up with caffeine and existential dread.
[4:26] Speaker 2: So it should be a good broadcast today. Excellent and
[4:29] Speaker 2: my apologies too. And I so I've got my two
[4:34] Speaker 2: unofficial mascots. I've got Linus and Gracie, my two dogs.
[4:38] Speaker 2: And like, just right before I went live with you guys,
[4:43] Speaker 2: I hear the sound that no pet owner wants to hear,
[4:46] Speaker 2: which is that? And I was like, oh my god,
[4:49] Speaker 2: I thought it was the cat. I turned around, it's
[4:52] Speaker 2: Gracie and she vomited up one of those hair ties
[4:57] Speaker 2: that Natalie uses to put her hair up in a ponytail.
[5:00] Speaker 2: And of course I'm like, oh my god, what else
[5:03] Speaker 2: is down there?
[5:03] Speaker 6: So right, there's a license plate coming. Yeah.
[5:07] Speaker 2: Yeah, I've watched enough VET shows to know that I
[5:10] Speaker 2: think we're okay. I think there was only one on
[5:12] Speaker 2: the ground, but I'm watching. Or so if during the
[5:15] Speaker 2: reviews when we're doing the show, if you hear it
[5:19] Speaker 2: is not Eli Bosmik, it is probably my.
[5:22] Speaker 5: Cat, Well, we should never make that problem.
[5:25] Speaker 6: Give it the movie we're gonna be talking about.
[5:27] Speaker 4: It really could be any of us, but yeah, also
[5:31] Speaker 4: could be the dog Grace is just like, are you.
[5:33] Speaker 5: Watching a ron Ormond movie right now?
[5:36] Speaker 1: Yeah?
[5:37] Speaker 6: Yeah, right?
[5:38] Speaker 5: I was saving this hairtie for later, but now that
[5:40] Speaker 5: I know, ron Ormand's on the.
[5:41] Speaker 4: Screen, all right, So tell us, Heath, what will we
[5:45] Speaker 4: be breaking down today?
[5:46] Speaker 5: We watched The Second Coming? It's the story of any
[5:54] Speaker 5: minute now. Yeah.
[5:56] Speaker 3: Yeah, this was in nineteen eighties, right, yeah, I worked
[6:00] Speaker 3: out yet.
[6:00] Speaker 6: Made it all the more fun and Eli, how bad
[6:03] Speaker 6: was this movie?
[6:05] Speaker 5: Well, if you love the christ'sploitation films of ron Ormand
[6:08] Speaker 5: and Lord Almighty, I do, but you wish it was
[6:11] Speaker 5: mostly a mega cut of Ron's favorite preachers in order
[6:15] Speaker 5: of their literal squareness. You love this movie. I think
[6:21] Speaker 5: this might be a prequel to the fucking Number Blocks, Everybody.
[6:24] Speaker 3: I think there's a good chance it all looked like
[6:26] Speaker 3: the Polygon team that killed Kennedy? Like all, can I
[6:32] Speaker 3: ask a stupid question? I don't want to insult your
[6:34] Speaker 3: audience that probably already knows the answer. I don't know
[6:37] Speaker 3: anything about ron Ormond. You're talking about him like he's
[6:40] Speaker 3: an old friend.
[6:41] Speaker 5: I mean, in many ways to us he is. Yeah,
[6:43] Speaker 5: but I can understand why Noah. So ron Ormond was
[6:46] Speaker 5: a exploitation filmmaker who found Jesus, right, well, his wife
[6:51] Speaker 5: found Jesus, which means he found Jesus. And then he
[6:54] Speaker 5: started making Christian films. But he didn't learn how to
[6:56] Speaker 5: make movies just because he started believing in the Lord.
[6:59] Speaker 5: So he made a series of incredible films. This is
[7:02] Speaker 5: the final one. But he also made If Footmen Tire You,
[7:04] Speaker 5: What will Horses Do? Where communist Cubans behead children's and
[7:08] Speaker 5: offered them watched That's right, yeah, and Burning Hell, which
[7:14] Speaker 5: was mostly him standing around a big fire pit dressed
[7:16] Speaker 5: as Moses, so you can see he saved all the
[7:19] Speaker 5: good stuff for the last one.
[7:21] Speaker 4: All right, Yeah, A couple of our favorite all time
[7:24] Speaker 4: films come from ron Ormond. So so, now, obviously you're
[7:27] Speaker 4: not familiar with this movie, but did it give you
[7:29] Speaker 4: Christianity flashbacks?
[7:31] Speaker 2: Seth, You know it really did. We'll probably talk about
[7:34] Speaker 2: this a little bit during the review, but a lot
[7:37] Speaker 2: of these films are cut from the same cloth. You know,
[7:39] Speaker 2: They're shot for about a buck and a half half
[7:41] Speaker 2: of the film takes place inside somebody's church sanctuary. Like
[7:45] Speaker 2: it's almost like, Okay, in the budget, we have enough
[7:49] Speaker 2: to go over here to a rocky place and maybe
[7:51] Speaker 2: afford some bathrobes and some well, somebody grabbed my wife's
[7:56] Speaker 2: eye makeup, because we got to have somebody who looks
[7:59] Speaker 2: like the devils are going to go blue on the
[8:01] Speaker 2: eyes and then red for the rope. And then the
[8:03] Speaker 2: rest of it is always in the some old school
[8:06] Speaker 2: nineteen seventies church sanctuary with the wooden pews and the
[8:09] Speaker 2: seventies paneling on the back, and so they all kind
[8:13] Speaker 2: of and it really does take me back to that era.
[8:15] Speaker 2: It's like a time machine for the nineteen seventies and eighties.
[8:18] Speaker 6: Yeah, it's which is horrifying all by itself.
[8:21] Speaker 3: They had to do the apocalypse a little bit, so
[8:23] Speaker 3: at some points someone's like, who knows somebody has the
[8:27] Speaker 3: rebel pile?
[8:28] Speaker 6: Yeah?
[8:28] Speaker 5: Has it go to Everyone raised their hands.
[8:31] Speaker 6: Yeah, yep.
[8:33] Speaker 4: All right, So is there anything you guys want to
[8:34] Speaker 4: nominate this one for being the best to being the
[8:35] Speaker 4: worst ass?
[8:37] Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst up next suggestions?
[8:41] Speaker 6: Oh really?
[8:42] Speaker 3: From the Internet archive Christian Movie section where you watch this?
[8:47] Speaker 5: For me, all of the.
[8:48] Speaker 3: Up next suggestions were Steve Anderson, the hate pastor oh
[8:54] Speaker 3: my god, scathing ideas a lot.
[8:56] Speaker 4: Oh wow, that's pretty bad, all right, So I was
[8:59] Speaker 4: going to go with best worst. Sure, the guy died,
[9:02] Speaker 4: but I think we can take all these clips and
[9:04] Speaker 4: still make a movie out of them. I have seen
[9:08] Speaker 4: Plan nine from outer Space. I am aware of Planned nine,
[9:11] Speaker 4: and I am still making that claim because because that's
[9:14] Speaker 4: what happened with this movie, is that ron Orman died.
[9:17] Speaker 4: He had filmed a few clips for god knows how
[9:20] Speaker 4: the fuck he was going to tie all this together,
[9:22] Speaker 4: and he left all these people standing around going like, well,
[9:25] Speaker 4: I mean, we could probably get fifty six minutes out
[9:28] Speaker 4: of this.
[9:31] Speaker 5: If my cousin is willing to run through a field
[9:34] Speaker 5: for like thirty three minutes. I think we've got a movie, bias.
[9:39] Speaker 5: I think we've got a movie.
[9:39] Speaker 2: It's almost like a director's version of Weekend at Bernie's.
[9:42] Speaker 2: They just drug him in there and rolled him into
[9:44] Speaker 2: a chair.
[9:47] Speaker 5: Weekend at franceles Ford Copolas.
[9:50] Speaker 6: Seth. Do you have a best worst for us?
[9:53] Speaker 2: I had a couple of best worst. I had mostly best.
[9:56] Speaker 2: I had best use of preachers wearing Jeffrey Dahmer glasses. Yep, yep,
[10:02] Speaker 2: And I had best God voice by a human who
[10:05] Speaker 2: already sounded like Ai even though it was nineteen eighty
[10:09] Speaker 2: Did you notice that sounded very ai E for four
[10:13] Speaker 2: and a half decades ago.
[10:15] Speaker 5: And I'm gonna go with best unnecessary Darth Vader helmet.
[10:21] Speaker 5: As Noah teased, it's pretty obvious where Ron's hand lays
[10:26] Speaker 5: on this film, and it mostly lies on a prop
[10:29] Speaker 5: helmet that we will speak about when you get to that.
[10:33] Speaker 4: All right, Well, do what We've been saving this one,
[10:36] Speaker 4: so we're gonna take another minute or two to save
[10:37] Speaker 4: it before we jump in. But we're back in a
[10:39] Speaker 4: minute with all the disjointed scare mongering. That is, it's
[10:43] Speaker 4: about the Second Coming or just the second Coming, depending
[10:47] Speaker 4: on who and when.
[10:48] Speaker 2: You ask.
[10:51] Speaker 5: Ron.
[10:51] Speaker 4: I can't tell you how excited we are for your
[10:54] Speaker 4: final film.
[10:55] Speaker 6: It's about the second Coming.
[10:57] Speaker 5: It's want of Shir to convince Paintball.
[11:00] Speaker 2: Indeed it is, brother Ron.
[11:02] Speaker 5: Okay, so what were you thinking? Well, to begin, I
[11:05] Speaker 5: thought we could have a few preachers talk about the
[11:07] Speaker 5: rapt chat I love it. Then perhaps we lay out
[11:10] Speaker 5: the sacrificial tradition of Christ through a few biblical reenactments.
[11:14] Speaker 2: A wonderful way to spread the word of the Lord.
[11:18] Speaker 5: Right, But then there's a young man who's gone astratch
[11:21] Speaker 5: ooh relevant. Yeah, he gets chased by space Nazis and
[11:25] Speaker 5: then karate fights people outside about it.
[11:28] Speaker 6: Sorry karate fight.
[11:29] Speaker 5: Of course, they catch him and the moll people slid
[11:31] Speaker 5: his throat with a slowly lowering torture blade.
[11:34] Speaker 2: Damn it, Ron, you almost made it through the whole
[11:37] Speaker 2: movie this time.
[11:38] Speaker 5: I know this is draft like forty five, got it.
[11:42] Speaker 4: Yeah, And we're back for the breakdown, and we're going
[11:45] Speaker 4: to open the movie up by giving Seth those flashbacks
[11:48] Speaker 4: that we were talking about via a preacher named Tim Green.
[11:51] Speaker 4: Now he's gonna like thank us in advance for watching
[11:55] Speaker 4: the movie. Basically, so much of this movie is just
[11:58] Speaker 4: patting the run time. So he's just gonna show up
[12:00] Speaker 4: and go like me and Ron Ormand made this movie.
[12:03] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[12:03] Speaker 3: I like how it starts where he does that, like, oh, hello,
[12:07] Speaker 3: just reading my favorite book. It's called the Bible. Maybe
[12:10] Speaker 3: you've heard it. It felt like like racist mister Rogers
[12:15] Speaker 3: is about to start. Yeah right right, yeah, mister Rogers.
[12:18] Speaker 3: There goes the neighborhood.
[12:22] Speaker 5: When he said, I worked with ron ormand I wrote
[12:24] Speaker 5: in my notes, Okay, I want to hear literally all
[12:26] Speaker 5: of your stories, Tim, one hundred percent of them.
[12:30] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[12:30] Speaker 4: So Tim promises us a panora like he's telling us, like,
[12:34] Speaker 4: he's basically like you, you just this movie that you
[12:36] Speaker 4: are about to watch, it is so fucking good. You
[12:39] Speaker 4: guys are gonna see quote a panoramic view of the
[12:43] Speaker 4: end times. I don't find it all that panoramic, by
[12:47] Speaker 4: which he means stock footage of war stuff.
[12:50] Speaker 2: Later a panoramic film in four to three aspect ratio. That.
[12:56] Speaker 4: Yeah, And then of course he talks directly to us, right,
[12:59] Speaker 4: he's and for those non Christians watching the movie, Jesus
[13:04] Speaker 4: is coming and you're gonna be super super sorry. We're
[13:09] Speaker 4: gonna hear that a lot. Yeah, say, it's all the
[13:11] Speaker 4: funnier because she's like, you know, because everybody keeps saying
[13:13] Speaker 4: in this movie, is there any minute Jesus will be here?
[13:15] Speaker 4: This movie was made forty five years.
[13:20] Speaker 5: Every look, there's nothing like a rapture movie where everyone
[13:23] Speaker 5: involved is dead. You know, it's really warmth the heart.
[13:27] Speaker 2: I was struck by. You know, they always seem to
[13:29] Speaker 2: drop these old Testament pastors in front of what looks
[13:34] Speaker 2: like an old linoleum set, you know those ones where
[13:37] Speaker 2: they sort of paint the bricks onto it. And I'm sorry,
[13:40] Speaker 2: but late twentieth century conservative pastors, Protestant pastors all look
[13:45] Speaker 2: like they just got cranked out of the same assembly line.
[13:47] Speaker 2: I mean, they're all about what six foot Check, they
[13:50] Speaker 2: got a gray suit, check because they don't want anything
[13:52] Speaker 2: too ostentatious. They got white hair, check, skin that looks
[13:56] Speaker 2: like pinky mice. Check. You know you're mildly constipated.
[14:02] Speaker 4: Check.
[14:02] Speaker 2: I mean that's the same freaking thing. And how many
[14:04] Speaker 2: pastors were in this movie. I think I counted five.
[14:07] Speaker 3: I think it's hard to say if they're not all
[14:10] Speaker 3: the same one or yeah, that one very difficult.
[14:13] Speaker 6: Right, right, exactly.
[14:14] Speaker 4: Yeah, And they're all walking like they don't want to
[14:16] Speaker 4: bend the knees in their pants and stuff. Yeah, it's interesting.
[14:20] Speaker 4: So okay, so then I guess the movie proper kicks in. Right,
[14:24] Speaker 4: We've got our we've got our generic narrator in the back,
[14:26] Speaker 4: and he's going like.
[14:27] Speaker 3: Spoiler, it doesn't actually, but no, you're right, you're right.
[14:30] Speaker 3: Actually this is still pre movie there is so much time.
[14:33] Speaker 5: Patting Ron wasn't around to show them what ordered the movie, right,
[14:39] Speaker 5: so we get this voice over this just like you know,
[14:41] Speaker 5: since the beginning of Christianity, preachers have been saying that
[14:44] Speaker 5: Jesus would return any minute.
[14:46] Speaker 6: Oh god, why are we pointing that out?
[14:51] Speaker 5: And it's kind of like instructions for the end times.
[14:54] Speaker 3: I guess it felt like one of those Cold War
[14:56] Speaker 3: videos for like Duck and Cover.
[15:00] Speaker 5: Colors, but for sword Mouth Jesus.
[15:02] Speaker 3: Yeah, you just got to get under your desk and
[15:05] Speaker 3: Jesus can't get yours. They're just gonna like hover right
[15:09] Speaker 3: over that desk, can't get under.
[15:11] Speaker 2: Did you notice how evangelist Tim Green was selling the
[15:14] Speaker 2: movie as something remarkable because it has been seen all
[15:18] Speaker 2: around the world, like anything that spreads is good, and
[15:22] Speaker 2: like you know what else has been seen around the world,
[15:26] Speaker 2: cholera and yes, Michael Bay movies, these have all been
[15:32] Speaker 2: seeing all around the world. I also find it suspicious,
[15:36] Speaker 2: and I know you guys have already gone there. We
[15:37] Speaker 2: have another piece of Christian media with a title that
[15:39] Speaker 2: sounds like porn. And this was true when I was
[15:42] Speaker 2: in Christian radio. Oh interesting, I mean, think about how
[15:45] Speaker 2: many American Christian Puritans grew up singing stuff like he
[15:49] Speaker 2: touched me, pour my love on you. Yes, yes, Lord? Right,
[15:54] Speaker 2: So I don't think this is low hanging fruit. When
[15:56] Speaker 2: I say the second coming sounds like Jesus is going
[15:59] Speaker 2: to return wearing a ballgag too much of a that's
[16:05] Speaker 2: just me.
[16:05] Speaker 3: Well, you got to stretch it a little for it
[16:07] Speaker 3: to work, but yes, not too much.
[16:09] Speaker 5: Stretch it too. That's how you end up with low
[16:10] Speaker 5: hanging fruit. Cherry. You're young, you could stretch your fruit
[16:17] Speaker 5: as much as you want. At your thirties, they stop
[16:21] Speaker 5: coming back.
[16:22] Speaker 2: Yeah, God, your punchlines are so much better than mine.
[16:25] Speaker 2: It's just so good.
[16:28] Speaker 4: Then we're gonna meet a series of preachers, right, all
[16:31] Speaker 4: of them apparently distinct human beings based on the names.
[16:35] Speaker 4: First we meet doctor Bob Gray, who looks like I
[16:39] Speaker 4: wrote my notes. He looks like his wife hates him,
[16:41] Speaker 4: and that's his whole personality.
[16:43] Speaker 5: Yep, right, yeah, I have Doctor Bob looks like an
[16:45] Speaker 5: insurance salesman if you could buy insurance for rape accusations.
[16:52] Speaker 4: And he's going to deliver the first like chunk of this.
[16:55] Speaker 4: You know, if Jesus comes and you're not Christian. You're
[16:58] Speaker 4: a fucked Sermon's what they're all gonna do. We also
[17:02] Speaker 4: meet doctor John Rowlings, who he looks like a scary
[17:06] Speaker 4: version of Vincent Price.
[17:08] Speaker 6: Yes, think about that.
[17:09] Speaker 5: Yeah, he looks like he was there when Jesus was
[17:12] Speaker 5: killed and he's over compensating, right you know? Oh, is
[17:15] Speaker 5: this the guy who turns into the narrator who has.
[17:19] Speaker 6: Showing up right? Yeah?
[17:21] Speaker 5: Who I'm convinced killed all the other pastors in some
[17:24] Speaker 5: kind of octagonsm which is why he got to continue
[17:28] Speaker 5: narrating the movie. Yeah, like a Salvador.
[17:30] Speaker 3: Dali, like forgot to be interesting and became a pastor. Yeah,
[17:35] Speaker 3: he's he's Salvador Dali's accountant brother.
[17:37] Speaker 2: Yes.
[17:40] Speaker 4: We also meet doctor Greg Dixon. These guys should not
[17:43] Speaker 4: be allowed to use doctor.
[17:44] Speaker 5: Before the names.
[17:45] Speaker 3: I don't know why I'm playing along, especially when you
[17:48] Speaker 3: look like a seventies game show host about the Apocalypse
[17:50] Speaker 3: as a game somehow or Yeah.
[17:53] Speaker 5: And Dixon is almost handsome. It's actually a little tragic
[17:56] Speaker 5: because he looks like if you dressed Josh Grobin up
[17:59] Speaker 5: like a Ventriloquis dummy and made him eat a peanut
[18:01] Speaker 5: butter eminem. Every time someone fucked to one of his saws,
[18:05] Speaker 5: like it's it's so close.
[18:07] Speaker 2: What is wrong with you? Peter who things like this.
[18:11] Speaker 5: He looks like the president of Argentina right now? Awesome?
[18:14] Speaker 6: Yeah, exactly right.
[18:15] Speaker 4: But so but that speaks to it, like, you know,
[18:17] Speaker 4: because Seth is talking about how these guys all look
[18:19] Speaker 4: like they've just been assembled on the same assembly line.
[18:22] Speaker 4: That almost handsome thing is part of it, right, Like
[18:25] Speaker 4: you can't be too handsome, you know, you can't get
[18:27] Speaker 4: people all hot and bothered in the fucking That's why
[18:29] Speaker 4: they kicked Seth out ultimately, right, That's why they don't
[18:32] Speaker 4: have him anymore.
[18:34] Speaker 2: I myself, I was listening to these guys sort of
[18:37] Speaker 2: setting things up, and of course they go right to
[18:39] Speaker 2: the Book of Revelation, which is just a fever dream
[18:42] Speaker 2: of what the funkery? Right, But you know, I'm like,
[18:45] Speaker 2: if you're going to make an End Times movie, I
[18:48] Speaker 2: think you have a theological obligation to include some of
[18:52] Speaker 2: the stuff that they did not include, because we think
[18:54] Speaker 2: about Revelation, we have all kinds of shit that they missed.
[18:57] Speaker 2: The Seven Headed Dragon, writing Space Institute, the Horror.
[19:01] Speaker 5: Of Babylon singing eyeballs. Yeah, the Crack and the Horse Locusts.
[19:05] Speaker 5: The whole time I was mad that.
[19:07] Speaker 6: They were the stars falling to that.
[19:09] Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just saying, you call Phil Tippett the legendary
[19:12] Speaker 2: stop motion poppy too. And I need a seven headed,
[19:16] Speaker 2: dragged riding space prostitute tonight or tomorrow, right.
[19:20] Speaker 5: And he's got one. He's got ready, he's ready. That
[19:24] Speaker 5: was in his private collection. But you can use it
[19:25] Speaker 5: if you don't ask questions about the stains.
[19:28] Speaker 4: You know, we've watched something like I'm gonna say conservatively,
[19:32] Speaker 4: I think we've watched about fifty rapture movies and there's
[19:35] Speaker 4: only been one that didn't chicken out when it came
[19:38] Speaker 4: to the Scorpion Horse Locusts.
[19:40] Speaker 6: Right, the third thief in the Night movie.
[19:42] Speaker 4: I think they actually had like a you saw it
[19:45] Speaker 4: in silhouette.
[19:46] Speaker 2: Or like a shadow.
[19:48] Speaker 3: It was definitely somebody who had that at home and
[19:50] Speaker 3: they were like, yeah, no, I'll make that new.
[19:53] Speaker 4: Yeah so but yeah so but doctor Greg Dix, I'm
[19:58] Speaker 4: gonna stop calling him fucking doctor Greg Dix. And he's
[20:01] Speaker 4: given his like, you know, Jesus will be back, and
[20:02] Speaker 4: he goes, you know, we know Jesus is coming back
[20:05] Speaker 4: because the Bible says Jesus is coming back.
[20:08] Speaker 6: Right, which is a ridiculous fucking argument.
[20:11] Speaker 4: But instead of just finding like, because you can't find
[20:13] Speaker 4: any clear biblical evidence of the rapture, r because the
[20:16] Speaker 4: Rapture's not in the goddamn Bible, So instead he uses
[20:20] Speaker 4: this quote that's all just ambiguous as fucking hell. He
[20:22] Speaker 4: goes like, you know that Jesus is coming back because
[20:25] Speaker 4: the Bible says that we should shun the fruit mea
[20:27] Speaker 4: spender snatch, and.
[20:28] Speaker 6: You're just like, what does that even mean?
[20:30] Speaker 1: Man?
[20:32] Speaker 5: Whenever we get to this part of a rapture movie
[20:34] Speaker 5: where preachers have to pretend the rapture isn't a construction
[20:37] Speaker 5: of like nineteen forty nine or whatever the hell, it
[20:40] Speaker 5: became a part of their religion, right, it's like reading
[20:43] Speaker 5: texts with your friends in college, like, what do you
[20:45] Speaker 5: think she meant by I had a good time? Jesus
[20:51] Speaker 5: is just not that into you, guys.
[20:54] Speaker 4: And then the movie Bible's at us for a little
[20:56] Speaker 4: while over a night sky.
[20:59] Speaker 5: Yeah, well, Peter Jackson wishes his walking montages with this boring.
[21:03] Speaker 4: Okay, well we're gonna get to the walking, so but
[21:05] Speaker 4: we start off with we have to meet Abraham.
[21:08] Speaker 2: Right.
[21:08] Speaker 4: We see Abraham, very white, Abraham sitting out there by
[21:13] Speaker 4: his tent, and then God speaks up and he's like, hey,
[21:16] Speaker 4: kill your kid for me.
[21:18] Speaker 3: They're starting with the kill your son test in the movie.
[21:22] Speaker 3: That was a bold move.
[21:23] Speaker 2: It was kind of a Peter o'tool's alcoholic cousin kind of.
[21:27] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[21:31] Speaker 5: It was more of a god drunk dial than a command.
[21:33] Speaker 4: Right, yeah, right, right, Well, and that's maybe that's why
[21:35] Speaker 4: Abraham has this look on his face like, oh, okay,
[21:39] Speaker 4: I guess that's weird.
[21:41] Speaker 3: You fucking love me. Kill your son, you prove it,
[21:45] Speaker 3: kill him.
[21:47] Speaker 2: I always like to play this little game during Bible
[21:50] Speaker 2: movies that are period pieces. I always think about the
[21:53] Speaker 2: pre production meetings where they have these pasty white preacher
[21:56] Speaker 2: types all in the back room trying to talk about, well,
[21:59] Speaker 2: which area has the most old Testament looking rocks?
[22:02] Speaker 6: Yes? Right, yeah, exactly? Where can we drive in a day?
[22:06] Speaker 2: We want brown, but not too brown. We want dusty
[22:09] Speaker 2: and worn, but it can't be a ruin. We want
[22:11] Speaker 2: smooth contours, but we don't want something that looks sprayed
[22:15] Speaker 2: on or fake. We want a place that's hot enough
[22:17] Speaker 2: to make everybody look happy. They're not wearing pants. You know,
[22:20] Speaker 2: they're all going through these lists of requirements for what
[22:24] Speaker 2: looks bibly.
[22:25] Speaker 3: That's half a day's travel. Guys, I want a Jewish rock,
[22:29] Speaker 3: you know what I mean?
[22:31] Speaker 4: Well, and then also you have to picture on the
[22:34] Speaker 4: way they all stop at the bed bathroom beyond and
[22:36] Speaker 4: they have this whole like we can't all have the
[22:38] Speaker 4: same dish towels.
[22:39] Speaker 6: Guys, Come on, we have to all be something different.
[22:42] Speaker 6: I will already have blue. I called it.
[22:44] Speaker 2: They actually take the table cloths and to just wrap
[22:47] Speaker 2: them around their heads like scarves, and oh, that becomes
[22:50] Speaker 2: an actual costume element in the film. I mean they
[22:52] Speaker 2: were on a budget, right.
[22:54] Speaker 5: One guy definitely has the tablecloth from his local Italian
[22:57] Speaker 5: restaurant on his head this movie.
[23:00] Speaker 2: Yeh. I had one more thought about this whole child
[23:02] Speaker 2: sacrifice thing. This is probably ten years ago. Just as
[23:05] Speaker 2: a social experiment, I went on social media and I said, okay,
[23:09] Speaker 2: bellow heathens, I want you to go to the religious
[23:11] Speaker 2: people in your life, and I want you to ask
[23:13] Speaker 2: one question and then come back and tell me what
[23:16] Speaker 2: they said. Just past it into the comments. I said,
[23:18] Speaker 2: if God appeared to you as he appeared to Abraham,
[23:21] Speaker 2: and he commanded you to sacrifice your child as an
[23:24] Speaker 2: act of obedience. Would you do it now? Unsurprisingly, almost
[23:29] Speaker 2: all of the responses were no, almost, but there were
[23:33] Speaker 2: a few terrifying replies from devout believers who said, you know,
[23:38] Speaker 2: God demanded it. You know, I mean God's law, Trump's
[23:41] Speaker 2: man's law, and my kid would go to heaven anyway.
[23:43] Speaker 2: There was one responder who asked if they could pick
[23:46] Speaker 2: the child.
[23:46] Speaker 4: Oh my God, yes, yes, Isaac's pain in the ask.
[23:55] Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, yeah, and then he gets stopped by God.
[23:59] Speaker 5: All right, Oh, I was going to turn his room
[24:04] Speaker 5: into kind of like woodworking, and I want to get
[24:08] Speaker 5: a peloton. So no, no, we'll go home and he
[24:11] Speaker 5: can steal my blessing.
[24:12] Speaker 6: So yeah.
[24:13] Speaker 4: So we watch Abraham and Isaac walk for so goddamn long.
[24:19] Speaker 5: It's such an awkward Bible story. It's just he's about
[24:23] Speaker 5: to murder his son.
[24:24] Speaker 3: He's like, hey, Bud, we're just gonna do a little
[24:25] Speaker 3: normal walking, right, totally totally cool. And Isaac's doing the
[24:29] Speaker 3: like Golden retriever thing, like checking in every few steps,
[24:32] Speaker 3: like running ahead a little bit looking back.
[24:34] Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, we're still I can't believe he hasn't said.
[24:37] Speaker 5: I'm gonna kill you.
[24:38] Speaker 3: I don't know why I said that, but I'm not
[24:39] Speaker 3: gonna kill you. Just build a fire pit shaped like you.
[24:43] Speaker 5: I don't know. It was fun, We're just playing games.
[24:46] Speaker 2: I always pictured the altar as being like, I don't know,
[24:48] Speaker 2: four or five feet like for some reason my brain,
[24:51] Speaker 2: it's like an altar. And in the movie it looks
[24:54] Speaker 2: like he just threw some home Depot papers on the ground. Yep, right,
[24:59] Speaker 2: I mean, don't have fast your human sacrifice right. The
[25:02] Speaker 2: higher the rock pile, the sooner your kid can get
[25:04] Speaker 2: to God is kind of my thing.
[25:06] Speaker 5: You've only got one son. Do it once, Do it right,
[25:09] Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying.
[25:09] Speaker 2: And you know I had this thought. When he grabs
[25:11] Speaker 2: his son's hands and he ties him with the belt,
[25:14] Speaker 2: I just got this distinct vibe that he had done
[25:17] Speaker 2: this before. I mean, Isaac just stands there like like,
[25:20] Speaker 2: oh shit, is it Thursday again?
[25:23] Speaker 6: Just to get fights back.
[25:24] Speaker 4: Not at all, He's just like, oh, Dad always tying
[25:28] Speaker 4: me up and throwing me on firefence.
[25:31] Speaker 5: Let's see where Dad's going with this.
[25:34] Speaker 4: But of course, as we know, he's about to stab
[25:37] Speaker 4: Isaac and God comes in and he's like, gotcha, you
[25:39] Speaker 4: were gonna do it?
[25:40] Speaker 3: You shu just need to look at your fucking face. Man,
[25:42] Speaker 3: you are just He's going to stab him with a
[25:44] Speaker 3: knife that looks like it was torn out of an
[25:47] Speaker 3: Amazon Prime shipping box. It's like the bluntest instrument ever made.
[25:52] Speaker 3: It's like, just lay their kid. This is going to
[25:54] Speaker 3: take a really time.
[25:59] Speaker 4: But then God says, ah, you don't have to do it,
[26:01] Speaker 4: and he's like, oh good, And then a lamb shows up.
[26:04] Speaker 6: Ball, Hey, what are you guys doing? And I don't
[26:06] Speaker 6: understand why they would show us the lamb?
[26:10] Speaker 5: Is that in the Bible?
[26:11] Speaker 6: Does yes?
[26:12] Speaker 5: Does it switch to a literal lamb?
[26:14] Speaker 6: Yes?
[26:15] Speaker 4: Like yeah, because for some reason in the story, Guy's like, no,
[26:18] Speaker 4: you don't have to say.
[26:18] Speaker 6: I mean you have to kill something for me.
[26:20] Speaker 4: Something must die on my behalf now, but not your kid.
[26:23] Speaker 5: We're not killing nothing.
[26:26] Speaker 4: But knowing that's what happens, why would you show me
[26:29] Speaker 4: the cutest goddamn animal in the fucking world in this
[26:32] Speaker 4: little lamb? Right beforehand? They're like, and then this lamb
[26:35] Speaker 4: showed up. Look how cute it is? We murdered it?
[26:37] Speaker 3: Yes, or lean in and show them, just like watching
[26:42] Speaker 3: a lamb in a bonfire coets for a while.
[26:44] Speaker 2: WHOA, yeah, I think in the Bible it says it's
[26:48] Speaker 2: a ram, which is one of those stupid pedantic things.
[26:51] Speaker 2: It's it's like when someone says, oh, Jonah wasn't swallowed
[26:55] Speaker 2: by a whale, it was a big fish, right o.
[26:59] Speaker 5: Now, story makes sense, thank you grandma.
[27:01] Speaker 4: Right, but it's not an accidental mistake, right, because they
[27:04] Speaker 4: want to tie this to Jesus and say that's one
[27:07] Speaker 4: of the things they love to do, is like right right,
[27:09] Speaker 4: the Lamb of God just like you know who, and
[27:13] Speaker 4: so you know, in case anybody wasn't going to get it,
[27:15] Speaker 4: they actually like dissolve to the cross to Jesus on
[27:18] Speaker 4: the cross from the lamb.
[27:20] Speaker 5: Lamb's affixed.
[27:21] Speaker 3: Yes, don't. They claim the behemoth was a hippo or
[27:25] Speaker 3: something like that.
[27:26] Speaker 6: To me sometimes or a dinosaur.
[27:29] Speaker 2: Take some of the danger out of it. I've heard
[27:31] Speaker 2: hippos will fuck you up. Yeah, hippos really really, you know,
[27:36] Speaker 2: lambs and goats and rams. I feel bad because if
[27:40] Speaker 2: you read the Bible, they are constantly I mean, so
[27:43] Speaker 2: they take human sin and they grab it and they
[27:45] Speaker 2: throw it into these poor animals and then they slaughter
[27:48] Speaker 2: the animals. Now here's a piece of trivia. You guys
[27:51] Speaker 2: may know this. In the Book of Leviticus, there were
[27:53] Speaker 2: blood offerings, atonement offerings, and then there was one version
[27:57] Speaker 2: where they would take the sin of the Israelites and
[27:59] Speaker 2: they would transfer them in to a goat, and then
[28:01] Speaker 2: they would release the goat out into the wilderness to ostensibly,
[28:06] Speaker 2: I guess, starve to death. And that's where we get
[28:09] Speaker 2: the term scapegoat. That was the escape goat and it
[28:13] Speaker 2: went out there.
[28:14] Speaker 4: Wow, you could also do that with a chicken if
[28:17] Speaker 4: you get enough centrifugal force.
[28:18] Speaker 3: Going one of the least dangerous games. But how culty
[28:23] Speaker 3: is blood sacrificed? I mean blood on the altar, blood
[28:26] Speaker 3: of the lamb. There's songs like nothing but the blood
[28:29] Speaker 3: are you? There was a guy on Twitter a few
[28:31] Speaker 3: years ago who posted he was an ex Christian. He said,
[28:34] Speaker 3: I cannot believe I used to sing about being washed
[28:37] Speaker 3: in blood like that totally normal, right, right?
[28:40] Speaker 4: Like I remember like the Christian kids at my school
[28:43] Speaker 4: trying to tell me that candy kids are red on
[28:45] Speaker 4: the candy cane represents the blood of Christ. And I'm like, well,
[28:47] Speaker 4: it's so much less appetizing. Now, Jesus, that was wrong
[28:51] Speaker 4: with you people. It feels like a bad thing for
[28:54] Speaker 4: you guys right now.
[28:55] Speaker 6: No, yeah, do we drink it.
[28:56] Speaker 4: We drink We love the blood what so, Yeah, it
[28:59] Speaker 4: was we dissolve to Jesus on the cross.
[29:01] Speaker 5: And it's the shape of a j like Jesus. Yes, man,
[29:05] Speaker 5: I just thought of that.
[29:07] Speaker 6: And it's the shepherd's crook and everything.
[29:09] Speaker 4: They had a whole They have a whole thing, like
[29:10] Speaker 4: nine ways that the candy cane represents christ.
[29:12] Speaker 3: This actually tracks pretty well. I'm gonna think about Christianity.
[29:16] Speaker 3: If you fold the candy cane, it's the twin table.
[29:18] Speaker 4: Well yeah, so yeah, so but the narrator kicks in
[29:24] Speaker 4: and he's like, yeah, see Jesus on the cross. He
[29:26] Speaker 4: goes it was on this mountain and then they cut
[29:28] Speaker 4: to the fucking castle Grayskull Place sat or whatever, right
[29:32] Speaker 4: with three little crosses on it.
[29:34] Speaker 5: This is my first diorama of the Jesus Mountain. Love.
[29:39] Speaker 5: My wife can whip you up one of those Mattin dioramas.
[29:41] Speaker 5: No need to bring the camera all the way up
[29:43] Speaker 5: to the country's hat.
[29:44] Speaker 4: Yeah right right, so yeah, so we cut to Jesus
[29:47] Speaker 4: post betrayed. They show us all out of order, but
[29:49] Speaker 4: we're getting we meet the very white conscious pilot.
[29:53] Speaker 2: Oh hang on, I got some thoughts on the cross
[29:55] Speaker 2: if I may, oh, all meet? I know, I know
[29:58] Speaker 2: you want to jump to the money python s Oh shit,
[30:02] Speaker 2: I just blanked on it. What did they call him?
[30:04] Speaker 5: Build a bridge out of him?
[30:05] Speaker 2: But what did they call that guy? Money? You're listening
[30:08] Speaker 2: are going to crucify me. I want to talk about
[30:10] Speaker 2: the utter impracticality of the positions of the crosses on
[30:14] Speaker 2: that high mountain, which was a cliff, and the crosses
[30:19] Speaker 2: are right at the edge of the cliff, and I'm like,
[30:21] Speaker 2: who thought that ship up?
[30:22] Speaker 5: Like, okay, okay.
[30:25] Speaker 2: Right, you Roman soldiers who were on cross duty today,
[30:30] Speaker 2: make sure you've got the proper shoes on. Stay at
[30:33] Speaker 2: least ten feet from the edge or you're going to
[30:35] Speaker 2: end up just like Bob. That's exactly what I was
[30:38] Speaker 2: thinking when I saw the cross Say.
[30:40] Speaker 5: What happened to Bob? Given the guys on the cross
[30:42] Speaker 5: is a big speech about not rocking back at for
[30:45] Speaker 5: if you got to use those.
[30:46] Speaker 2: Crosses later nine days without an accident at this location,
[30:50] Speaker 2: Alasia is going to give us a get.
[30:53] Speaker 4: Oh guys, you put them, you faced them towards the cliff. Now,
[30:56] Speaker 4: how are we going to see him to make fun
[30:57] Speaker 4: of him and shit? So yeah, so we get our
[31:00] Speaker 4: ponscious pilot right, and of course, like the narrator comes
[31:03] Speaker 4: in as like, puncious pilot didn't want to kill Jesus,
[31:06] Speaker 4: it was the Jew. So we get like a first
[31:11] Speaker 4: person Jesus torture moment.
[31:15] Speaker 5: Okay, this is great because right after the crown gets
[31:19] Speaker 5: put on our head, we get the one shot of
[31:21] Speaker 5: a guy getting whipped, and it's just the one shot
[31:23] Speaker 5: of a guy getting whipped, because they very obviously actually
[31:26] Speaker 5: whipped Larry and he comes around and he's like, what
[31:29] Speaker 5: the fuck. Wow, we better have gotten that fucking shot
[31:34] Speaker 5: because I'm gonna punch Christ in the eye. Now.
[31:36] Speaker 3: It's just got this from bed, bath and beyond. Now
[31:38] Speaker 3: it's got a rip.
[31:39] Speaker 5: Yeah, right, ruined my wife.
[31:41] Speaker 6: I can't bring it, I can't take it back now.
[31:44] Speaker 4: But yeah, but we see Jesus get nailed to the cross, right,
[31:46] Speaker 4: because they absolutely have to show us the hand with
[31:49] Speaker 4: the nail through it. And then the narrator cuts in
[31:52] Speaker 4: he's like, but don't worry, this was totally God's plan.
[31:55] Speaker 6: He meant for it to go like this, as much
[31:58] Speaker 6: as it might not look that way.
[32:00] Speaker 4: Then we get a quick scene of pre crucified Jesus
[32:04] Speaker 4: given a sermon on the instrument on the amount of olives,
[32:06] Speaker 4: and I'm just like.
[32:06] Speaker 6: Put your scenes in order.
[32:08] Speaker 4: You may not know what Ron Ormond had in mind,
[32:10] Speaker 4: but you know what order of these fucking shots go in.
[32:14] Speaker 5: Damn it. Ron didn't label the reels, so scotch tape.
[32:17] Speaker 2: Well, I'm a voiceover guy, so you know, even when
[32:20] Speaker 2: I was a devout Christian, I remember hearing narrators for
[32:23] Speaker 2: Christian productions. Ione just laugh out loud. Right, We'd be
[32:26] Speaker 2: at a church play and there was always this disembodied
[32:29] Speaker 2: God voice and it's like James Earl Jones if you
[32:32] Speaker 2: bought him on Tamou kind of thing. You know, they
[32:34] Speaker 2: always find somebody. Their only qualification is that their voice
[32:37] Speaker 2: hits about one hundred hertz and they're not already out,
[32:41] Speaker 2: you know, using that voice at the bar to try
[32:43] Speaker 2: to pick up women, right, I mean that's essentially who
[32:45] Speaker 2: that guy probably is. This guy's name is John Calvert
[32:49] Speaker 2: in the film. I do not know anything about him,
[32:52] Speaker 2: but you know that guy was out doing his work
[32:54] Speaker 2: and a voice and other aspects of his life. Oh,
[32:57] Speaker 2: I was sitting down at the edge of the bar,
[32:59] Speaker 2: going so you know, the Lord said that I'm your destiny.
[33:07] Speaker 4: So do you honestly like hearing seth trying to do
[33:10] Speaker 4: a deep voice is kind of like seeing what happens
[33:12] Speaker 4: when Thor's hammer hits Captain America's shield and it says.
[33:15] Speaker 2: To me, it's good.
[33:17] Speaker 4: It's really interesting. So yeah, so, but but Jesus is crucified.
[33:20] Speaker 4: We see the very culturally sensitive disciples listening intently, and
[33:27] Speaker 4: then we watch Jesus has said to Heaven and my God,
[33:29] Speaker 4: it's glorious.
[33:31] Speaker 5: Yeah. Not enough movies do Heaven Jesus' ascension with a
[33:34] Speaker 5: boom sound effects highly recommend.
[33:40] Speaker 2: Why does the depiction of Jesus on the cross make
[33:42] Speaker 2: it look like they crucified Roger Rabbit? I mean, I
[33:45] Speaker 2: don't understand why Jesus is a carpenter and he's a
[33:49] Speaker 2: god man and his arms look like drinking straws. I
[33:53] Speaker 2: don't understand that.
[33:54] Speaker 6: Iays get the silhouette there on that one.
[33:57] Speaker 4: They're really nervous about trying to show Jesus's face or
[34:00] Speaker 4: so we're constantly going to see them in silhouette and
[34:01] Speaker 4: whatnot as well.
[34:02] Speaker 5: That's why I like the Italians. They're not afraid of
[34:04] Speaker 5: a ripped Jesus. Yeah, you go to an Italian chapel,
[34:07] Speaker 5: you see Jesus with a twelve pack com gutters Ready.
[34:12] Speaker 2: Looks like a Trump coin or something. Yeah right, I'm sorry,
[34:16] Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Did you just say the word com gutter gutters?
[34:20] Speaker 4: That's what they're called bleeks. Other people call them obliques, but.
[34:24] Speaker 3: Look, there are not many people do it with fat
[34:26] Speaker 3: instead of muscle.
[34:27] Speaker 5: You can gutter it up however you want. That can come.
[34:30] Speaker 2: I am I'm blushing.
[34:32] Speaker 6: Over said, why did you go back for clarification?
[34:35] Speaker 8: Man?
[34:35] Speaker 6: You got to learn to just push through?
[34:37] Speaker 2: Right.
[34:38] Speaker 6: So if you know, if you want to be friends
[34:40] Speaker 6: with you.
[34:40] Speaker 5: Told you, I told you.
[34:41] Speaker 2: What was I thinking?
[34:43] Speaker 5: You to elaborate? Everybody google coum gutters in.
[34:48] Speaker 3: Everyone googlesme dot com.
[34:52] Speaker 5: One second, I have a web.
[34:54] Speaker 3: Sure your safe searches off? Okay.
[34:58] Speaker 2: A God Awful Movie review of The Second Coming continues
[35:04] Speaker 2: right after this, only thirty minutes in, and we are
[35:12] Speaker 2: just getting warmed up. As I joined the God Awful
[35:16] Speaker 2: Movies crew reviewing the Ron Ormond film The Second Coming.
[35:24] Speaker 4: Now we are ten minutes. We were like twenty five
[35:26] Speaker 4: minutes through. We're ten minutes into the movie. This is
[35:29] Speaker 4: a fifty seven minute movie. This is where we get
[35:31] Speaker 4: the title. It's like a fucking episode of Invincible.
[35:34] Speaker 5: I was so mad.
[35:35] Speaker 3: I was like, the movie's starting now, that's bullshit, Like
[35:38] Speaker 3: the chess clock was going, yes, this cats like I'm
[35:42] Speaker 3: already in right, be honest.
[35:44] Speaker 4: Now, the original title the movie is now called The
[35:46] Speaker 4: Second Coming, but the original movie title was It's about
[35:49] Speaker 4: the Second Coming, because you want the title to tell
[35:51] Speaker 4: your audience what the movie is about, I guess. And
[35:56] Speaker 4: then we get like the end credits, like end level credits. Now,
[35:59] Speaker 4: there was a time credits migrated to the end of
[36:01] Speaker 4: the movie. They started out at the beginning of them
[36:03] Speaker 4: and they eventually just got so damn only we had
[36:05] Speaker 4: to put him at the end. This movie was made
[36:06] Speaker 4: before that migration was complete. Apparently I did enjoy one
[36:10] Speaker 4: thing about the credits. They are doing some music and
[36:13] Speaker 4: the triangle player of this orchestra is going buck wilde
[36:18] Speaker 4: on trying truly like he's the cow bell guy, and
[36:21] Speaker 4: he's a psiched about it.
[36:24] Speaker 6: So also Okay, So here's what I love about the credits.
[36:27] Speaker 4: First of all, they had a list of guest preachers,
[36:29] Speaker 4: as though some of the preachers lived in this movie.
[36:32] Speaker 6: And also they.
[36:33] Speaker 4: Had a special thanks for Ruby Tuesdays.
[36:37] Speaker 5: So what did Ruby Tuesdays do to earn that credit?
[36:42] Speaker 5: That's what I want to know, because that must have
[36:43] Speaker 5: been at a corporate level. They probably hooked them up
[36:45] Speaker 5: with the catchup, yeah right, like yeah.
[36:48] Speaker 2: And then they've got that line that says thank you
[36:50] Speaker 2: to the folks at Mammothonis Cave in Kentucky, which I
[36:53] Speaker 2: guess I had really good biblical looking.
[36:56] Speaker 6: Rocks or whatever it must have been.
[36:59] Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, wait a minute, I looked it up.
[37:01] Speaker 2: The rock beds of Mammoth Cave formed like three hundred
[37:04] Speaker 2: million years ago. Allegedly the water flows formed the cave
[37:08] Speaker 2: fifteen million years ago. Okay, So actors are telling an
[37:12] Speaker 2: Old Testament story in a natural set, which itself disproves.
[37:17] Speaker 5: Yeah right, I.
[37:21] Speaker 6: Oh, well done.
[37:22] Speaker 3: They just have to like fuzz out the sedimentary layers
[37:25] Speaker 3: that you can see.
[37:26] Speaker 4: Yes, eixelated like Japanese porn. Yeah yeah.
[37:32] Speaker 6: So okay, so the credits end, we get this.
[37:34] Speaker 4: The angels appeared to the Disciples post ascension and tell
[37:37] Speaker 4: them to get to acting right. You know, it's like,
[37:40] Speaker 4: we got a whole nother fucking book we gotta do.
[37:41] Speaker 4: What are we gonna fill the whole damn thing with letters?
[37:44] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[37:45] Speaker 3: Angel that comes in and he's like, hey, so that
[37:48] Speaker 3: was the and magic trick Jesus did it. It was
[37:51] Speaker 3: like a like an applause sign for a live study audience. Yes, right,
[37:55] Speaker 3: yeah yeah.
[37:56] Speaker 2: And the way they depicted his death, it's really remarkable
[37:58] Speaker 2: that Jesus did riseing end because the guy hammering in
[38:01] Speaker 2: the nails looked pissed like he had had a fight
[38:04] Speaker 2: with his wife on the way out the door, and
[38:06] Speaker 2: he was just sitting there with the big sledge. Jesus
[38:08] Speaker 2: the lion, It's like, what do you mean? I I dude,
[38:12] Speaker 2: what if I told you you were like just like
[38:15] Speaker 2: your mother Bams? You know what if I slaughtered meat
[38:17] Speaker 2: with the good scissors? He just literally just pounded the
[38:21] Speaker 2: ship out of Jesus. So the fact that Jesus could
[38:23] Speaker 2: recover from that, to me, it does sound rather divine.
[38:26] Speaker 6: Pretty impressive, pretty impressed us.
[38:28] Speaker 5: The good scissors.
[38:30] Speaker 6: So okay, so then quite we see that.
[38:32] Speaker 4: We go straight from the angels, going like, all right,
[38:35] Speaker 4: so Jesus ascended.
[38:36] Speaker 6: Now it's time for the Book of Acts.
[38:37] Speaker 4: We go straight from there to a city, like a
[38:39] Speaker 4: modern city, right, and this scroll comes along on the bottom,
[38:43] Speaker 4: and the scroll is way too long. I almost went
[38:45] Speaker 4: with us for the best verse that goes the time
[38:48] Speaker 4: someday in the future, and I'm like, that's the date,
[38:50] Speaker 4: that's not even the time.
[38:52] Speaker 5: You could just say future. Well, that's the old.
[38:55] Speaker 6: Day word that matters, Yes, exactly.
[38:57] Speaker 5: That's the chiron of a religion that's been wrong for
[39:00] Speaker 5: two thousand years in counting my friends.
[39:03] Speaker 4: So then and then it goes worldwide mandate, no one
[39:07] Speaker 4: allowed to buy or sell without global identification, and of
[39:11] Speaker 4: course we had I all have that moment. We're like,
[39:13] Speaker 4: what a weird thing to be afraid of? Right, you
[39:17] Speaker 4: could just ban one of those, and it kind of
[39:18] Speaker 4: like works to baan. Yeah really honestly, just making less
[39:24] Speaker 4: red tape, you know, yeah, no, absolutely, And then it says,
[39:28] Speaker 4: and I guess this is supposed to be ominous. This
[39:30] Speaker 4: is all the same bottom of the screen as it's
[39:32] Speaker 4: like scrolling across like a fucking ticker. It goes violators
[39:36] Speaker 4: will be dealt with on location by Global Police.
[39:41] Speaker 3: Right, So we're getting a bunch of rules. Are people
[39:44] Speaker 3: in this universe supposed to like read the text on
[39:47] Speaker 3: the bottom of the screen of the world they're in?
[39:50] Speaker 6: Interesting?
[39:51] Speaker 4: Yeah, So then we see so we get that little
[39:53] Speaker 4: scroll and then we see a goddamn clown car of
[39:58] Speaker 4: Global Police.
[39:59] Speaker 5: I think it's cool that the Global Police. All, right,
[40:01] Speaker 5: Zamboni's in the future. That's an interesting choice.
[40:04] Speaker 3: Right.
[40:04] Speaker 4: So they've got like five people all just hanging off
[40:06] Speaker 4: of this little fucking car.
[40:08] Speaker 6: It's just hilarious.
[40:10] Speaker 5: And they have really silly like plai.
[40:12] Speaker 3: You remember spy Tech, the toy for kids from like
[40:16] Speaker 3: nineteen ninety with like the big radar thingy, and it's
[40:19] Speaker 3: all very silly, oversized spy stuff. They all have like
[40:24] Speaker 3: a piece of that each of them, and they thought
[40:25] Speaker 3: over it.
[40:26] Speaker 5: For sure.
[40:26] Speaker 2: It reminded me of that. Remember that video game Shooter
[40:29] Speaker 2: and I want to say it came out in the
[40:30] Speaker 2: nineteen nineties where it's like Area fifty one or something. Yes,
[40:33] Speaker 2: all the batties came out and they jump behind a
[40:35] Speaker 2: barrel and all you did was just shoot randomly, and
[40:38] Speaker 2: then all of a sudden there would be a civilian,
[40:40] Speaker 2: like a woman in a miniskirt and pop out and
[40:42] Speaker 2: they'd go no, yeah, and you're not so. I literally
[40:46] Speaker 2: saw that street and I thought, oh my god, I've
[40:47] Speaker 2: gone back in time thirty years fifty one video game.
[40:51] Speaker 5: I'm about to put forty dollars worth of quarters into something.
[40:54] Speaker 6: Yeah right right, yeah exactly.
[40:56] Speaker 2: So.
[40:56] Speaker 4: Yeah, so we got one guy he's got the big
[40:58] Speaker 4: radar gun. Another guy has the just randomly in a
[41:01] Speaker 4: motorcycle helmet.
[41:04] Speaker 3: But he's the only guy. Yeah, the only guy who
[41:06] Speaker 3: gets a helmet. Like that was also a huge fight
[41:09] Speaker 3: who gets to be the helmet guy.
[41:11] Speaker 2: I didn't realize Daft Punk put out albums and I start.
[41:19] Speaker 4: A y yeah no, Like apparently they were like, well,
[41:22] Speaker 4: you know the kids love this ship when Darth Vader
[41:24] Speaker 4: did it, so give the bad guy a helmet. And
[41:26] Speaker 4: you know we're talking George Lucas money. But yeah, but
[41:29] Speaker 4: they're hunting Christians. Apparently they're listening for Christians with the
[41:34] Speaker 4: radar gun.
[41:36] Speaker 3: Or people who are you know, buying slash selling, slash trucking, exchanging, bartering.
[41:41] Speaker 3: I don't know, they're going after fugitives of something.
[41:43] Speaker 6: Well, they're listening for radar.
[41:45] Speaker 4: Yeah, with radar, they're listening for people buying without the tattoo.
[41:51] Speaker 3: With radar, it can sense the velocity of money. You
[41:54] Speaker 3: can tell you're transacting. This blip looks extremely divine and whole.
[42:00] Speaker 6: We must well.
[42:03] Speaker 4: So yeah, So they drive on and like you know,
[42:05] Speaker 4: with the very very quiet they're hunting Christians thing, And
[42:08] Speaker 4: as they do, a bunch of a family of Christians
[42:10] Speaker 4: emerges from the bushes right, and the dad gives this
[42:14] Speaker 4: whole speech where he's like, he's like, if we could
[42:17] Speaker 4: just make it through this scene, don't worry, Papa.
[42:24] Speaker 5: I'll jugger all our silverware as we.
[42:27] Speaker 6: Go across the street.
[42:30] Speaker 4: So the kid bangs into a bunch of trash kids,
[42:33] Speaker 4: and of course they hear him on the radar, so
[42:35] Speaker 4: the Christians go get them.
[42:36] Speaker 2: And did you notice the guy in the daft punk
[42:38] Speaker 2: helmet When he spoke, I thought he sounded like kind
[42:42] Speaker 2: of a redneck version of like somebody who just parked
[42:45] Speaker 2: his tractor in the field. And then he tried to
[42:47] Speaker 2: speak like Berner herdsog. He was like, yes, tell me
[42:51] Speaker 2: the Lasting life. It literally had that kind of vibe.
[42:55] Speaker 2: And then he shoots what looked like a hand shot
[42:57] Speaker 2: first blaster. Did you guys notice the.
[43:00] Speaker 6: A little wire.
[43:01] Speaker 3: Yeah, pyrotechnics guy got to do some work. He was
[43:04] Speaker 3: in the credits. I was excited when I was like,
[43:06] Speaker 3: pyrotechnics in the credits. Okay, oh yeah, so we got
[43:09] Speaker 3: some here. I will say my favorite part of this character,
[43:12] Speaker 3: the daft punk helmet Guy, is that the visor part
[43:16] Speaker 3: of the helmet has a very slow, like mechanical up
[43:20] Speaker 3: button yes for it to like so you could like.
[43:23] Speaker 5: Look at you and then do is Werner hurtzg.
[43:26] Speaker 6: Speed like a fucking garage door opening.
[43:29] Speaker 5: Yeah, I wanted it to get stuck into lower it.
[43:32] Speaker 5: I wrote exactly that.
[43:33] Speaker 3: I was like, I want, I want so bad for
[43:35] Speaker 3: this to be like halfway up, and he said, just
[43:37] Speaker 3: give me a second.
[43:38] Speaker 4: Oh, I'll just I'll do it with my hand's bucket. Well, also,
[43:40] Speaker 4: and this has made all the funnier. I broke the
[43:43] Speaker 4: gear this a one. Well, it's it's made all the
[43:47] Speaker 4: funnier by the fact that he has a mustache, so
[43:50] Speaker 4: inside it's like popping out under the fucking helmet and everything.
[43:53] Speaker 4: And he's like, but it finally gets it up and
[43:56] Speaker 4: he's talking to the dad and he goes, your Christ
[43:58] Speaker 4: has been dead for shiites and the dad goes, no,
[44:01] Speaker 4: he lives.
[44:02] Speaker 6: Dude smacks the ship out of Oh.
[44:04] Speaker 2: I think it is. Your guy has just been.
[44:11] Speaker 4: He goes, no, we'll have everlasting life. He goes, oh,
[44:14] Speaker 4: tell me about this everlasting life when I've got you
[44:16] Speaker 4: killed in his fucking gunner over here.
[44:18] Speaker 5: Huh huh. And I'm like, oh, that's a good one
[44:21] Speaker 5: turn of phrase. Death life got him.
[44:23] Speaker 6: Yep, yep.
[44:24] Speaker 3: I also enjoyed that helmet guy has the evil tattoo.
[44:28] Speaker 3: You see for a second it's the six six X,
[44:31] Speaker 3: but you look at it, it's.
[44:32] Speaker 5: A nine to nine to nine.
[44:34] Speaker 3: It's a sixty sixty six if you read it from
[44:37] Speaker 3: your side while their fist is is up. But situations
[44:42] Speaker 3: where that's practical, yeah, your arms are like in a
[44:45] Speaker 3: normal place.
[44:46] Speaker 6: So yeah.
[44:48] Speaker 4: But he turns to the dead and he's like, you
[44:49] Speaker 4: walk that way, and the dad starts walking that way.
[44:51] Speaker 4: He shoots him with the han shot first laser, which
[44:53] Speaker 4: is fucking amazing. Right, It's like ron Ormond never disappoints
[44:57] Speaker 4: even when he's dead, right, and.
[45:00] Speaker 5: Dad, so they show him falling in slow motion, but
[45:03] Speaker 5: Dad very much just fell down for real, right, there
[45:06] Speaker 5: was no fight choreographer on this set, so we watch
[45:08] Speaker 5: him hit his cheeks super hard on the dress.
[45:11] Speaker 2: Almost no, fuck, what's this bullshit at your church? Christ?
[45:21] Speaker 2: This is why I'm secretly good.
[45:27] Speaker 4: So yeah, so they shoot the dead, and they shoot
[45:28] Speaker 4: the mom, you know, and the kids like, you're all sad,
[45:31] Speaker 4: and he's hovering over top of the mom and the
[45:33] Speaker 4: guy's like, we'll let you go if you renounce Jesus,
[45:37] Speaker 4: and he goes no, and then the helmet shoots him
[45:40] Speaker 4: as well.
[45:41] Speaker 5: He says he says, they're both dead, and he goes,
[45:44] Speaker 5: they're not dead there with Jesus. And I wanted the
[45:46] Speaker 5: helmet guy to be like, wait, they're still dead. That
[45:49] Speaker 5: that's you. They're dead, they're not dead dead end with Jesus.
[45:54] Speaker 5: I didn't say they weren't with Jesus. And that kid
[45:57] Speaker 5: grew up to be batman. I just want to throw
[46:00] Speaker 5: that out.
[46:01] Speaker 6: He grew up to be Bible man. Yeah, exactly, Bible man.
[46:04] Speaker 6: So then we get like, and.
[46:06] Speaker 4: This is gonna happen several times in the movie, but
[46:08] Speaker 4: this is the first time it happens. Like there's like
[46:10] Speaker 4: diegetic preaching in this film, right, So like the scene ends,
[46:13] Speaker 4: and just a preacher, like the Vincent Brice guy, the
[46:16] Speaker 4: salvad Or Dolly guy, just walks out of the shadows
[46:18] Speaker 4: and goes what you just saw will happen. During the tribulation,
[46:22] Speaker 4: We're all just like, wait, where the fuck did you
[46:24] Speaker 4: come from?
[46:25] Speaker 5: Wait?
[46:26] Speaker 3: Are you walking through the doodle dupe?
[46:29] Speaker 5: You have the solution and out of that shit? What
[46:31] Speaker 5: are you doing?
[46:32] Speaker 2: Have you noticed guys like that always seemed to blink
[46:35] Speaker 2: at exact intervals, like it's like it's like they're being
[46:41] Speaker 2: held hostage somewhere and they're they're forced to make a video,
[46:44] Speaker 2: so they're blinking, like, you know, I fell asleep at
[46:47] Speaker 2: the retirement home and I woke up in this suit.
[46:49] Speaker 2: And the guy in the black mass says, I got
[46:51] Speaker 2: to make a video. Jesus right, tell my family. I
[46:55] Speaker 2: love them, and the money is in the walls. You
[46:57] Speaker 2: know what I'm saying.
[46:58] Speaker 5: I did just get that vibe.
[47:00] Speaker 4: But then so then the preacher once again admits he's like, well,
[47:03] Speaker 4: you know, look, everybody has said that they were living
[47:06] Speaker 4: in the last days. That's true, but our generation is
[47:10] Speaker 4: the rightest. And we show like a clip of you know,
[47:13] Speaker 4: a hurricane and a flood and a landslide, as though
[47:16] Speaker 4: to say, see the apocalyps I guess.
[47:20] Speaker 3: But then they show like a modern building, so it's like, yeah,
[47:23] Speaker 3: the Bible totally nailed this prophecy, earthquakes, hurricanes, this high
[47:28] Speaker 3: rise apartment building getting it down up exploding.
[47:32] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[47:32] Speaker 5: What I loved is they show the exploding building, and
[47:34] Speaker 5: then as he's continuing the narration, he's in front of
[47:37] Speaker 5: an exploded building. So I wrote my notes, did did.
[47:41] Speaker 6: He blow up? That?
[47:42] Speaker 5: Illustrate his blood? At the end, I totally got to
[47:46] Speaker 5: know where the budget went.
[47:47] Speaker 2: The opening of Flash, Gordon vibes on the disasters, did
[47:50] Speaker 2: you noticetand's.
[47:51] Speaker 6: Interesting, Yeah, yeah.
[47:53] Speaker 2: You know, we'll destoy this. I totally got a flash
[47:58] Speaker 2: of Gordon kind of a thing.
[48:00] Speaker 4: That well, And the greatest thing about the fucking blowed
[48:03] Speaker 4: up building I had the same fucking thing in my
[48:05] Speaker 4: notes is that he says at that point, he goes like,
[48:07] Speaker 4: you know, these were all the predictions of the ancient
[48:10] Speaker 4: hebrew sages. I'm like, floods and earthquake shit that always
[48:13] Speaker 4: has happened, And then they show it blown up building.
[48:14] Speaker 4: I'm like, well, that wasn't the hebrew Sages didn't say that.
[48:18] Speaker 5: I mean, damn impressed if they said that.
[48:20] Speaker 6: Yeah, right right, I'd be a Christian if they said that.
[48:22] Speaker 4: But then, and this is an interesting When he admits
[48:25] Speaker 4: this a couple of times, the Salvador Dahaly guy goes like,
[48:27] Speaker 4: you know, we Christians don't really agree on what this
[48:31] Speaker 4: shit means, which is weird. You would have thought Jesus
[48:34] Speaker 4: would be super specific. You wouldn't think that, like the
[48:36] Speaker 4: most important thing that you could possibly know would be
[48:38] Speaker 4: this open to interpretation.
[48:41] Speaker 6: But uh yeah.
[48:42] Speaker 4: What we do know, though, is that the Rapture will
[48:45] Speaker 4: happen when you least expect it. And I'm like, well,
[48:48] Speaker 4: then isn't this movie delaying it by making people expect
[48:51] Speaker 4: it more?
[48:52] Speaker 7: Hey?
[48:52] Speaker 3: Can you just give us like an eta as best
[48:54] Speaker 3: you could, your God.
[48:56] Speaker 6: That you throw it down to a generation?
[48:58] Speaker 4: All right, well, we have to promise that a plot
[49:01] Speaker 4: will break out eventually sort of. We're gonna pause for
[49:04] Speaker 4: another break, but we're back in a flash with even
[49:06] Speaker 4: more of the second coming.
[49:10] Speaker 5: Are you on the way yet? At least? I I'm
[49:14] Speaker 5: Tony D. From Tony D's House.
[49:16] Speaker 7: A Christian movie signs the Rapture just happened, And this weekend.
[49:20] Speaker 7: We're having a sale so crazy our products will be
[49:23] Speaker 7: gone like a thief in the day. We got whistling
[49:26] Speaker 7: tea kettles, TVs that have been left on, mysteriously still running, lawnmowers,
[49:30] Speaker 7: and so many abandoned piles of clothes. I don't know
[49:33] Speaker 7: what I know it the baby close adult clothes, clothes
[49:37] Speaker 7: weirdly laid out in the shape of a person that
[49:39] Speaker 7: could only have.
[49:39] Speaker 5: Been lying flat on the floor. All it rock bottom,
[49:42] Speaker 5: bright facets, Tony D's house, a Christian movie signs the
[49:46] Speaker 5: rapture just happened. When touring the field, they're both getting amazing, dude.
[49:56] Speaker 4: And we're back for more of the shit. We're gonna
[49:58] Speaker 4: rejoin the action in a diner. We're going to meet
[50:02] Speaker 4: the main character of the movie more than a third
[50:06] Speaker 4: of the way through it.
[50:07] Speaker 5: This is Roger, all right, Fellas, we've shot thirty four
[50:12] Speaker 5: minutes of us wandering through our churches repeating a philosophy.
[50:17] Speaker 5: I think we can start including some of those reels
[50:20] Speaker 5: Ron left us in his will it. Oh you want
[50:22] Speaker 5: to get okay, Yeah, we can do. Now that's where
[50:24] Speaker 5: the movie starts. Why you're in charge?
[50:28] Speaker 6: So Rogers in a diner.
[50:29] Speaker 4: He's having a food when Tim Green, the preacher that
[50:32] Speaker 4: introduced us to the whole movie, shows up and he's like, hey, Roger,
[50:36] Speaker 4: I sure hope you come to church tomorrow, right, And
[50:40] Speaker 4: Roger's like, I'm not really into that church scene. And
[50:43] Speaker 4: of course we've watched ron Orman movies before and we're like, oh,
[50:46] Speaker 4: this character had a chance to get saved and didn't
[50:49] Speaker 4: take it. He's gonna get fucked up.
[50:53] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[50:53] Speaker 5: That's the nice thing about a ron Orman movie is
[50:55] Speaker 5: that other Rapture movies, you know, they let the protagonists
[50:58] Speaker 5: sort of hang around a little little bit. But if
[51:00] Speaker 5: you said no to Jesus in front of ron ormand
[51:03] Speaker 5: you were about to be covered in red ketchup very soon.
[51:06] Speaker 3: Oh yeah, your head is coming off before the red ketchup.
[51:10] Speaker 2: Probably Glitterer and Tears did you see that on the
[51:13] Speaker 2: kid before they executed him? Oh yeah, like the first act.
[51:16] Speaker 2: I was like, those are so odd, like right before
[51:18] Speaker 2: you can see that they took whatever those things are.
[51:20] Speaker 2: I'm surprised Glitterer and Tears did not get a mention
[51:23] Speaker 2: in the credits along with you know, MAMMOTHONYX Cave.
[51:27] Speaker 6: And Ruby Tuesdays. Yeah, but yeah.
[51:30] Speaker 4: So Tim Green promises Roger, the main character, that there's
[51:33] Speaker 4: gonna be this great sermon about the end times and
[51:36] Speaker 4: the Second Coming at the church, but he's still not impressed.
[51:40] Speaker 4: His girlfriend shows up, and there's a great moment where
[51:43] Speaker 4: Roger's like, He's like, she's like, oh, who's your friend?
[51:45] Speaker 4: He goes, He's not my friend. He's a preacher who
[51:46] Speaker 4: is just getting the fuck away from my table.
[51:48] Speaker 6: Wasn't he a preacher?
[51:49] Speaker 5: Man?
[51:50] Speaker 4: So the pastor like goes to leave, but of course
[51:52] Speaker 4: he has to try to talk the girlfriend into coming
[51:54] Speaker 4: to church first, he as did Jesus flirt with her
[51:57] Speaker 4: a little bit?
[51:57] Speaker 6: He's like, hey, hey, the.
[51:58] Speaker 2: Whole conversation is just to see thereas of boundary of violations.
[52:01] Speaker 2: Isn't it just to walk in and say, hey, good
[52:04] Speaker 2: to see you. I'm gonna have a seat. You're living wrong.
[52:07] Speaker 2: You don't want to burn, do you? Who's this stranger
[52:10] Speaker 2: you're gonna burn?
[52:11] Speaker 5: Yes?
[52:12] Speaker 2: You guys need to go to church. It's a total series.
[52:14] Speaker 4: Here's a pamphlet about how you're gonna here's.
[52:18] Speaker 5: Your homework, change your religion.
[52:21] Speaker 1: Now.
[52:21] Speaker 2: Okay, but I'm struck by how these preachers, especially if
[52:25] Speaker 2: that era are so obsessed with like pocket books and handouts,
[52:29] Speaker 2: which I think is just the most weak ass form
[52:32] Speaker 2: of evangelism because it requires really no commitment, no time,
[52:36] Speaker 2: no energy, no legwork. I mean, you might as well
[52:38] Speaker 2: just like have slipped a flyer under the windshield wiper
[52:41] Speaker 2: their card for what it was worth, right. And this
[52:43] Speaker 2: was nineteen eighty, which of course was the heyday of
[52:46] Speaker 2: the chick track. And you don't know what chick tracks
[52:48] Speaker 2: are at those creepy little gospel cartoon booklets created by
[52:52] Speaker 2: a guy named Jack Chick back in the sixties, and
[52:55] Speaker 2: so essentially Jack Chick, he was just whack a doodle,
[52:59] Speaker 2: big apocalyptic nightmare of a human being. And apparently he
[53:03] Speaker 2: went to his illustrators and said, Okay, look, I want
[53:05] Speaker 2: you to create pages and pages of penciled hate designed
[53:10] Speaker 2: to make non Christians either laugh out loud or shit
[53:13] Speaker 2: their pants because the whole thing was just apocalypse driven.
[53:17] Speaker 2: They had titles like the Beast Almost Time, Where Did
[53:21] Speaker 2: They Go? And I think they're like two hundred and
[53:23] Speaker 2: fifty chick tracks doing this pocket evangelism, and I think
[53:28] Speaker 2: really they're designed to make Christians feel like they're doing
[53:31] Speaker 2: something meaningful when they slipped one of these books like
[53:34] Speaker 2: this pastor they just slip and hand it over, dropping
[53:37] Speaker 2: in somebody's Halloween bucket, etc.
[53:39] Speaker 4: Right, right, well, yeah, it's a way of always getting
[53:42] Speaker 4: the last word, right, like, oh, we'll take this. And
[53:44] Speaker 4: of course, as Mitch Hedberg said, any time so he
[53:46] Speaker 4: hands you a pamphlet, it's like they're saying, here, you
[53:48] Speaker 4: throw this away, right, but you still get the last word.
[53:52] Speaker 3: I thought he was going to leave one of those
[53:54] Speaker 3: ones that looks like a twenty dollars bill as a
[53:55] Speaker 3: tip at this time. Yeah, fucking word and they just
[54:00] Speaker 3: beats the fuck out of him.
[54:01] Speaker 6: Yeah, and ray Comfort for making it. Yeah.
[54:05] Speaker 4: So, but his girlfriend hooks up with him, the preacher leaves,
[54:08] Speaker 4: and she says, hey, let's go out to all the
[54:11] Speaker 4: night spots.
[54:14] Speaker 5: Let's do risk behaviors to Yeah, loss of a Christian
[54:19] Speaker 5: who hasn't been exposed to nightlife and more of an
[54:21] Speaker 5: alien faking its way in a human corpse situation we're
[54:25] Speaker 5: watching on the screen right now.
[54:26] Speaker 3: Yeah, his girlfriend is Eve by the way, I thought
[54:28] Speaker 3: that was Oh I missed that. And she's like, yeah,
[54:30] Speaker 3: I guess we can go, you know, do risk be
[54:33] Speaker 3: I just got here though, this is weird.
[54:35] Speaker 5: We just sat date. Okay, we're leaving. We're leaving at
[54:38] Speaker 5: a restaurant.
[54:38] Speaker 4: Apparently they were meeting at a restaurant to go on
[54:41] Speaker 4: a date elsewhere.
[54:43] Speaker 3: Okay, so he like he had dinner by himself and
[54:46] Speaker 3: had Eve meet him there, and then the plan to
[54:49] Speaker 3: leave right away after he's done.
[54:51] Speaker 2: She's like the talking snake and the parking lot send
[54:53] Speaker 2: you'd be here.
[54:54] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[54:57] Speaker 4: So they leave and then all the lights go out
[55:00] Speaker 4: and everybody freezes, and that fucking preacher is sitting there
[55:02] Speaker 4: again diegetically, and you're.
[55:04] Speaker 6: Like, stop, would you stop just showing up like that?
[55:07] Speaker 3: Okay I laughed at this one. When Dali they pan over,
[55:11] Speaker 3: he's like sitting by himself in a booth in this
[55:13] Speaker 3: tner and he's like, that was about please darken the room,
[55:17] Speaker 3: please every yeah, actually freeze, don't move the rapture shit, Okay,
[55:23] Speaker 3: it was about the rapture.
[55:24] Speaker 6: Stop eating that French fry?
[55:25] Speaker 4: Yeah right, no, but yeah, he's like the anti Christ
[55:27] Speaker 4: is gonna show up after the rapture and then you'll
[55:30] Speaker 4: sure be sorry. But he starts giving us a sermon,
[55:34] Speaker 4: and that fades to a different pastor giving the same sermon.
[55:41] Speaker 5: Yeah, they do like a mister Show segue.
[55:44] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of fun. Yeah, zoom at it's like
[55:47] Speaker 3: a shoebox diorama. Zoom out again. It's God drawing himself
[55:53] Speaker 3: like mc escher stuff. They could have had fun with it.
[55:55] Speaker 4: They did not, And it correct me if I'm wrong here,
[55:57] Speaker 4: But we kind of fall into a different mood movie
[56:00] Speaker 4: for a few minutes here, right about this Antichrist guy.
[56:03] Speaker 5: Yeah, the Antichrist versus this one. Prescher's heart condition becomes
[56:07] Speaker 5: the plot of the rest of this movie, including, and
[56:10] Speaker 5: I'm really hoping you guys can clarify this the bus accident.
[56:14] Speaker 4: Okay, so we're gonna get to the bus accident, but
[56:16] Speaker 4: first we've got the We have to meet the facial
[56:18] Speaker 4: paralysis communist accent guy.
[56:22] Speaker 3: Every off Broadway director that guy. Yeah, I wrote the
[56:27] Speaker 3: Turtleneck and the blaze. It looks like the Heavens Gate guy.
[56:31] Speaker 3: It looked just like the Heaven's Gate call.
[56:33] Speaker 5: Oh wow, I wrote in my notes as Dracula mid
[56:36] Speaker 5: stroke for his accent.
[56:37] Speaker 6: Yes right, I want to so.
[56:43] Speaker 3: I like that he fell into his real Brooklyn accent
[56:47] Speaker 3: because keep doing the Dracula and then he remembers again
[56:51] Speaker 3: he's like, all right, evil accent. He has to transition
[56:54] Speaker 3: back into it from Brooklyn accent back to evil Dracula.
[56:58] Speaker 5: It was fun anyway, Zum.
[57:01] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[57:03] Speaker 4: But so what's happening here is that the preacher has
[57:06] Speaker 4: just given this this speech about the Antichrist. You's given
[57:08] Speaker 4: this sermon about the Antichrist, and so now the Antichrist,
[57:11] Speaker 4: who is at the church at the moment, steps in
[57:13] Speaker 4: and he's like, hey, I thought, you know, you said
[57:15] Speaker 4: some really rude things about the Antichrist, and I think
[57:18] Speaker 4: we could you know or whatever. And so they're having
[57:20] Speaker 4: this like theological conversation where where the pastors like, look,
[57:24] Speaker 4: I know an Antichrist when I see what I can
[57:26] Speaker 4: tell by the accent.
[57:27] Speaker 6: It's a ron Ormond movie. You sound vague.
[57:30] Speaker 4: You sound like a Brooklyn guy who's never been to
[57:33] Speaker 4: Europe doing European as though that was one accent, right,
[57:37] Speaker 4: I was just doing this.
[57:44] Speaker 2: You're taking me back to the moment. Man, that's so good.
[57:46] Speaker 2: You've literally transported it back to the film. That's method.
[57:50] Speaker 2: That's some method, really good stuff.
[57:53] Speaker 4: So but then the Preacher's like, I'm going to tell
[57:56] Speaker 4: on you, and he's like, no, I'm going to give
[57:58] Speaker 4: you a magical heart attack. But apparently the priest has
[58:02] Speaker 4: some anti Satanic heart attack pills.
[58:05] Speaker 3: Fucking baby aspirin on his desk. These are some really
[58:10] Speaker 3: good pills. They work in three seconds to prevent seconds,
[58:13] Speaker 3: demon of it all the way.
[58:14] Speaker 5: Down your throat. Yet I don't know how it's smart.
[58:17] Speaker 5: West bea cass you baas.
[58:20] Speaker 2: I'm destruck by how believers are so easily affected by
[58:24] Speaker 2: Satanic power. I mean, if you read the Bible right,
[58:27] Speaker 2: no weapon formed against me, She'll prosper. The victory has
[58:30] Speaker 2: already won. Blah blah blah. And then all it takes
[58:33] Speaker 2: is some angular faced dude, squinting guy walking into the
[58:38] Speaker 2: office and he gives you that look like the looks
[58:42] Speaker 2: that you know an olive garden waiter brought you the
[58:44] Speaker 2: calamari instead of the breadsticks, and you got pissed off,
[58:47] Speaker 2: and so you channel that kind of rage and all
[58:50] Speaker 2: that's all it takes, and you go into heart palpitations,
[58:53] Speaker 2: heavy breathing sweats. I do not understand.
[58:56] Speaker 6: I wrote my notes. I'm like, why don't you compel
[58:58] Speaker 6: him in the name of Christ?
[58:59] Speaker 5: Dude, If I was a pastor and a firm believer
[59:03] Speaker 5: and the Antichrist killed me even before Act two started.
[59:06] Speaker 5: I would have words for Jesus when I got up back.
[59:11] Speaker 5: Maybe my powers might be a little bit struggler than
[59:13] Speaker 5: the demon and the powers. And you didn't say superior
[59:16] Speaker 5: powers and principalities. You just said powers.
[59:18] Speaker 6: Yeah right now? Yeah.
[59:19] Speaker 2: No.
[59:19] Speaker 6: So he kicks the Antichrist out and.
[59:21] Speaker 5: Realized I was on the losing team.
[59:22] Speaker 3: Let me tell your dad to design the heart a
[59:24] Speaker 3: little bit better more intelligently.
[59:26] Speaker 5: I don't know.
[59:26] Speaker 4: Fuck so well, he kicks out the anti Christ, and
[59:29] Speaker 4: the anti Christ is so mad that he like uses
[59:31] Speaker 4: his telekinesis to shatter the glass in a framed picture.
[59:35] Speaker 5: That was a weird, low level use of anti.
[59:37] Speaker 6: Very petty, very petty Anti Christ's stuff.
[59:40] Speaker 3: Oh you're gonna kick me out, well, fucking break your
[59:45] Speaker 3: little frame that you have to, fuck you.
[59:48] Speaker 6: If you're barefoot later you might hurt yourself.
[59:51] Speaker 4: So then okay, then we cut to this weird ass
[59:54] Speaker 4: boss accident that Eli was talking about. This has nothing
[59:58] Speaker 4: to do with the goddamn movie. Whatso clearly, like again,
[1:00:01] Speaker 4: like all of this footage was meant to be tied
[1:00:03] Speaker 4: into a larger film. Nobody could figure out what he
[1:00:06] Speaker 4: had in mind with this, but they're like, fuck it,
[1:00:08] Speaker 4: We've got the.
[1:00:08] Speaker 2: Footage and we have a bus, because you know these
[1:00:12] Speaker 2: are Turkey people, So what are the resources, what are
[1:00:15] Speaker 2: the assets? Oh, shure got congregants, they got a building,
[1:00:18] Speaker 2: and somewhere in the parking lot they've got a bus.
[1:00:20] Speaker 2: And they're like, oh shit, that's a prop that we
[1:00:23] Speaker 2: don't have to pay for. We've got to shoehorn this
[1:00:25] Speaker 2: into the film somewhere. Well.
[1:00:27] Speaker 4: And what's amazing is they need a bus accident, but
[1:00:29] Speaker 4: of course they can't wreck this bus, so they just
[1:00:32] Speaker 4: have it like somehow like diagonal a little bit.
[1:00:36] Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like one of those damaged ships in
[1:00:38] Speaker 2: the original Star Trek where you know they would shoot
[1:00:40] Speaker 2: the romulant and hanging in space apparently by one engine
[1:00:45] Speaker 2: from it like a fishing line, would be the ship.
[1:00:48] Speaker 2: That's what they did to the bus in this movie. Right,
[1:00:52] Speaker 2: I want to know why a bus driver with children
[1:00:55] Speaker 2: in the bus is doing fucking seventy miles an hour
[1:00:58] Speaker 2: on a dirt road with curves. Right, he's like, all right, kids,
[1:01:02] Speaker 2: you have flexible bones. If you hit the ceiling, I
[1:01:05] Speaker 2: think find.
[1:01:07] Speaker 4: He starts because so we see we see the accident,
[1:01:10] Speaker 4: and he's talking to the cops and he's like reliving
[1:01:11] Speaker 4: it and we're flashing back to it, and this guy
[1:01:14] Speaker 4: is just it's like me playing fucking.
[1:01:16] Speaker 6: Mario card in here, right.
[1:01:18] Speaker 4: He's like, I'm so I'm hauling ass down the road
[1:01:22] Speaker 4: seeing if I can get to eighty on his MOTHERFUCKERI here.
[1:01:24] Speaker 4: And then some asshole comes in he's like drifts into
[1:01:27] Speaker 4: my lane, like you're gonna kill all these kids.
[1:01:32] Speaker 2: And the car that comes around the corner that runs
[1:01:34] Speaker 2: them off the road. Anybody see that old nineteen seventy
[1:01:36] Speaker 2: seven horror movie called The Car. Now, if you haven't
[1:01:39] Speaker 2: seen it, you got to go to YouTube because it
[1:01:41] Speaker 2: may the whole film may actually be on YouTube, but
[1:01:44] Speaker 2: it's It was sort of in the seventies and that
[1:01:46] Speaker 2: specific kind of a vibe where supernatural inanimate objects become
[1:01:51] Speaker 2: evil kind of a thing. And the car was this
[1:01:54] Speaker 2: old school Lincoln Continental, black in color, blacked out windows
[1:01:58] Speaker 2: that apparently was a dean in car with no driver,
[1:02:02] Speaker 2: and it would just it would just drive around and
[1:02:03] Speaker 2: fuck people up, and that's all it did. It could go,
[1:02:06] Speaker 2: it could run over hitchhikers, it could drive through your house.
[1:02:09] Speaker 2: The only place that couldn't go was into a cemetery.
[1:02:12] Speaker 2: Oh it's gold. And so the car they comes around
[1:02:14] Speaker 2: that runs the and so this is within three years
[1:02:17] Speaker 2: of each other, and I think, okay, Universal Studios had
[1:02:20] Speaker 2: this old car and they're like, well, let's put a
[1:02:23] Speaker 2: classify ad out and see, are you is anyone out
[1:02:26] Speaker 2: there making an apocalypse movie? And you need evil on
[1:02:29] Speaker 2: four wheels? Called?
[1:02:30] Speaker 6: Oh interesting?
[1:02:31] Speaker 3: Yeah, and then Stephen King did so much cocaine and
[1:02:34] Speaker 3: did maximum over that's like a third steal of.
[1:02:37] Speaker 4: This, yeah right right, but yeah, so but but the
[1:02:41] Speaker 4: cops are all like, well that all sounds a little unbelievable.
[1:02:44] Speaker 4: And the kid and he's like, no, this kid was
[1:02:45] Speaker 4: sitting up front with me. And I'm like what. He's like,
[1:02:48] Speaker 4: tell them about it, and he's like, yeah, no, that's
[1:02:50] Speaker 4: exactly what happened. I'm like, well, let's go back to
[1:02:51] Speaker 4: why the fuck a kid was sitting up front with
[1:02:53] Speaker 4: you while you were driving a goddamn bus.
[1:02:56] Speaker 5: We were some falking cigarettes together.
[1:02:57] Speaker 4: Yeah right, yeah, But the kid tells us, he's like,
[1:03:00] Speaker 4: I tried to get the car's license plate, but it disappeared.
[1:03:04] Speaker 4: Pin in that in case you have an extra pin
[1:03:06] Speaker 4: that you never have to pull out any point in
[1:03:09] Speaker 4: your fucking life in the future.
[1:03:10] Speaker 5: So okay.
[1:03:11] Speaker 4: So then we cut to a preacher talking about that crash,
[1:03:14] Speaker 4: right he's the church the next day, going like, yeah,
[1:03:17] Speaker 4: you know, so there was a bus crash. I bet
[1:03:18] Speaker 4: that's gonna come back later on in the plot somehow.
[1:03:21] Speaker 6: Huh.
[1:03:22] Speaker 2: Well, hang on a second, because I was lost who
[1:03:24] Speaker 2: was on the stretcher whenever they loaded there was a
[1:03:27] Speaker 2: bar after the accident.
[1:03:29] Speaker 5: I thought a kid got taken away on a stretcher.
[1:03:31] Speaker 6: Yes.
[1:03:31] Speaker 5: Made even more confusing by the fact that this preacher
[1:03:34] Speaker 5: is about to preface his church sermon by being like, so, anyways,
[1:03:38] Speaker 5: nobody was hurt, and I was like, I thought I
[1:03:40] Speaker 5: just saw someone on a stretcher. Yes, anyways, that's the
[1:03:42] Speaker 5: morning announcements for church that we apparently have. Right now,
[1:03:46] Speaker 5: let's get to our religion.
[1:03:48] Speaker 3: Yes, those kids almost died, and now a little Doc
[1:03:52] Speaker 3: Severnsin and the Tonight show Ben and they like, is
[1:03:55] Speaker 3: a choir as like a zup away before the sermon?
[1:03:59] Speaker 5: This guy, it turns out like, do churches have like
[1:04:02] Speaker 5: a warm up comedian seth in your experience? Is that
[1:04:05] Speaker 5: not doing topical?
[1:04:06] Speaker 2: There were there were tons of that particular flavor of
[1:04:10] Speaker 2: church choir with the robes. I mean, these days in
[1:04:13] Speaker 2: hip church culture, like the less formal you look, the
[1:04:17] Speaker 2: more apparently you're in touch with the Jesus who accepts
[1:04:19] Speaker 2: everyone come as you are Jesus kind of deal. But
[1:04:21] Speaker 2: back then it was all like those sort of satin
[1:04:25] Speaker 2: robes and muted colors with the white collars, and you
[1:04:28] Speaker 2: look like, you know, you literally look like you were
[1:04:31] Speaker 2: carved out a ceramic And then they sit everybody in rows,
[1:04:33] Speaker 2: and sometimes they segregate the men and the women because
[1:04:36] Speaker 2: you know, people with urges and robes might just sort
[1:04:40] Speaker 2: of reach right now each other.
[1:04:43] Speaker 4: And also, how excited were you when the choir started
[1:04:45] Speaker 4: singing and it cut away right knew our hearts.
[1:04:51] Speaker 5: Imagine being ron ormand newly converted Christian filmmaker, you film
[1:04:55] Speaker 5: an entire choir performance, and days before your own death,
[1:04:59] Speaker 5: you're like, what's barring as shit? Cut it? No strawberry
[1:05:04] Speaker 5: set up?
[1:05:05] Speaker 4: It goes, So we cut to yeah, because we have
[1:05:08] Speaker 4: the choir start singing, and then we cut to like
[1:05:10] Speaker 4: Dimitri that that is the Antichrist, so you can tell
[1:05:13] Speaker 4: because he has a European name, right, Demitri the Antichrist.
[1:05:16] Speaker 4: He's like magically attacking the Preacher in a flashback or something.
[1:05:22] Speaker 4: I can't really tell, right, but then we watched that
[1:05:26] Speaker 4: sort of weird flashback and we cut to the end
[1:05:28] Speaker 4: of the choir song and the guy going like, well,
[1:05:30] Speaker 4: that was the end of the choir song.
[1:05:32] Speaker 6: It was lovely.
[1:05:32] Speaker 4: Wouldn't I want to cut that out of a movie
[1:05:35] Speaker 4: or anything. But then he introduces the Preacher, who is
[1:05:38] Speaker 4: the Preacher earlier who had you know, who saved himself
[1:05:40] Speaker 4: from the demonic heart attack? I say the Preacher from earlier.
[1:05:43] Speaker 4: There's been like eleven of them so far, right, Yeah.
[1:05:45] Speaker 2: So that guy was like the opener. I saw the
[1:05:47] Speaker 2: movie and I'm lost which Preacher? Which Preacher are we
[1:05:50] Speaker 2: talking about? It had to keep track for sure. So
[1:05:52] Speaker 2: this is heart attack Preacher. Okay, they want at the
[1:05:55] Speaker 2: desk who grabbed the pills?
[1:05:56] Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, he's the headliner pastor with like the sermon
[1:06:00] Speaker 3: I guess.
[1:06:01] Speaker 6: Right right, Yeah, he's no bullshit warm up sermon there.
[1:06:04] Speaker 2: I just felt like this was a missed opportunity. I mean,
[1:06:06] Speaker 2: the anti Christ or whoever is going you know, he's
[1:06:10] Speaker 2: he's going after the pastor at the pulpit and I'm like,
[1:06:12] Speaker 2: this could have been a full on Scanner's rip off, right.
[1:06:15] Speaker 5: Oh shit?
[1:06:18] Speaker 2: And instead what do we get? We get this like
[1:06:20] Speaker 2: spine chilling display of apocalyptic limpness and then lays on
[1:06:28] Speaker 2: the ground. And then some dude comes up who obviously
[1:06:31] Speaker 2: has no medical training. What are chest compressions for CPR?
[1:06:34] Speaker 2: You're supposed to do like five centimeters deep a hundred
[1:06:37] Speaker 2: a minute, right, this guy looks like he brushed away
[1:06:40] Speaker 2: some lint on the guy's chest. I'm sorry, sorry, he
[1:06:44] Speaker 2: looks like you. He was a good man.
[1:06:45] Speaker 4: He's down, he's down. You know what, We're already at church.
[1:06:48] Speaker 4: Might as well do the funeral right now?
[1:06:50] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[1:06:50] Speaker 5: Right, maybe i'd do the elbow a no still heart attack?
[1:06:54] Speaker 5: All right?
[1:06:55] Speaker 4: Well, and and look, if any Christian filmmaker was ever
[1:06:58] Speaker 4: gonna go full Scanter, it was Ron Ormond. You have
[1:07:01] Speaker 4: to feel like maybe they talked him out of a
[1:07:03] Speaker 4: more bloody and spectacular death.
[1:07:05] Speaker 6: They're like, dude, could just have a heart attack.
[1:07:07] Speaker 2: Man, is this the guy who put the sticks through
[1:07:10] Speaker 2: the children's throat? And if horses, if what you tire?
[1:07:15] Speaker 2: Is that? Right?
[1:07:16] Speaker 6: Yeah?
[1:07:18] Speaker 2: She was always doing like kind of gore porn and
[1:07:21] Speaker 2: calling it well, I don't really enjoy this, but it's
[1:07:24] Speaker 2: something that will happen, so therefore I must do it, right.
[1:07:28] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's the guy. Yeah so but
[1:07:31] Speaker 3: he but yeah, so he has a heart attack.
[1:07:33] Speaker 4: He preaches all the way through it right about what
[1:07:35] Speaker 4: a full of shit atheists are, and then you know,
[1:07:38] Speaker 4: the guy says like, yeah, he's gone, and his wife.
[1:07:40] Speaker 4: They turned to his wife and she's got this like,
[1:07:42] Speaker 4: well damn it, now, who's going to drive on the
[1:07:45] Speaker 4: way home kind of an attitude.
[1:07:47] Speaker 3: Okay, So, just to be clear, the anti Christ character
[1:07:51] Speaker 3: gave the pastor a minor heart attack earlier to like
[1:07:55] Speaker 3: build the moment, and now gave him another one.
[1:07:58] Speaker 4: The warning shot was practicing writer. He used his heart
[1:08:03] Speaker 4: attack powers very much.
[1:08:05] Speaker 5: He got nervous.
[1:08:05] Speaker 4: He's like, oh God, that it was shit. That was shit.
[1:08:08] Speaker 4: I'll come back. I'll come back later. I'm gonna warm up.
[1:08:11] Speaker 4: So but yeah, so but he dies, and then everybody
[1:08:13] Speaker 4: freezes long enough for fucking Vincent Price to explain that,
[1:08:18] Speaker 4: you know, God actually meant for all of that to happen.
[1:08:21] Speaker 5: Hey, everybody, I read what Eli wrote in his scam
[1:08:23] Speaker 5: notes during that last scene, and no, God gave Satan
[1:08:27] Speaker 5: Powas for dramatic tension, loves a three actor the Lord
[1:08:33] Speaker 5: of the Universe.
[1:08:34] Speaker 4: Yeah right, but the preacher guy is like, well, you know,
[1:08:37] Speaker 4: but this reminds me of that time that Jesus came
[1:08:40] Speaker 4: back from the dead, so we dutally do too. Roman
[1:08:45] Speaker 4: guards in front of the tomb playing farkle.
[1:08:48] Speaker 5: No, no, what they're playing dice? Are they like normal dice?
[1:08:52] Speaker 6: You No, they would not be normal dice.
[1:08:55] Speaker 3: They'd actually be far larger than any time that you
[1:08:58] Speaker 3: ever extremely silly and large.
[1:09:01] Speaker 5: These dice belong at an orgy for the near sighted
[1:09:05] Speaker 5: or hanging off of someone's rear view mirratis or both.
[1:09:09] Speaker 5: This is what your grandma uses with Grandpa for his birthday.
[1:09:12] Speaker 2: So authentic. As they're standing out there in front of
[1:09:15] Speaker 2: hardware store, duraflame logs sitting right in front of them.
[1:09:20] Speaker 6: Right right.
[1:09:21] Speaker 3: I looked that they made one of those dice wrong.
[1:09:23] Speaker 3: It has two fours on it. You can see he
[1:09:25] Speaker 3: did it really as four and four next to each other.
[1:09:29] Speaker 4: So yeah, so, but they're all just they're playing some
[1:09:31] Speaker 4: dice and hanging out. A thunderstrum kicks up around them.
[1:09:34] Speaker 4: An angel in white robes appears and rolls back the rocks.
[1:09:39] Speaker 2: Oh here's a great idea. Roman soldiers wear a metal
[1:09:43] Speaker 2: hat in a lightning storm.
[1:09:48] Speaker 4: Awesome, Why would they have their helmets on it this
[1:09:52] Speaker 4: point right? What are they worried about happening? But yeah,
[1:09:56] Speaker 4: and then the guards pass out from Jesus's holiness a
[1:09:59] Speaker 4: pair of Yeah.
[1:10:01] Speaker 5: But they saw the other guy fuck up his face
[1:10:03] Speaker 5: of the trash can earlier in the movie, so they do,
[1:10:06] Speaker 5: like a Southern bell pass out onto each other's calves and.
[1:10:10] Speaker 6: Like, ye all right, yeah, I'll catch you if you
[1:10:12] Speaker 6: catch me pass out. Yeah.
[1:10:16] Speaker 2: Man, it's hard to keep up with these guys. They
[1:10:18] Speaker 2: are just so freaking fast, but having a lot of fun.
[1:10:22] Speaker 2: More of our review of The Second Coming next. Thank
[1:10:31] Speaker 2: you so much for listening to the broadcast and for
[1:10:35] Speaker 2: your support on Patreon, Paytreon, dot com, slash seth Andrews.
[1:10:41] Speaker 2: It really does make a difference. Okay, continuing my guest
[1:10:44] Speaker 2: shot on God Awful Movies reviewing the nineteen eighty film
[1:10:49] Speaker 2: The Second Coming.
[1:10:52] Speaker 6: So now it's the next morning. The women show up
[1:10:54] Speaker 6: at the gem.
[1:10:55] Speaker 4: They don't seem, you know, surprised that the rocks rolled
[1:10:58] Speaker 4: back at all, and of course where Jesus should be
[1:11:01] Speaker 4: a glowy angel is there to explain what's going on
[1:11:04] Speaker 4: in the story.
[1:11:05] Speaker 2: Does it tell us why they just waltzed in? I mean,
[1:11:08] Speaker 2: they just walked in like it was another day at
[1:11:10] Speaker 2: the office. Yeah, I'm sorry, it's a this is a
[1:11:13] Speaker 2: grave like and you guys are walking in like you're
[1:11:16] Speaker 2: you know, I don't know what they were doing. And
[1:11:18] Speaker 2: then they find that pristine cloth, the empty cloth and
[1:11:22] Speaker 2: the burial shroud. I guess, but it was there was
[1:11:24] Speaker 2: not a mark on it, right, it's pristine. I thought,
[1:11:27] Speaker 2: the shroud of Turin. People are going to be pissed.
[1:11:31] Speaker 5: I wanted one of the women to turn to the
[1:11:32] Speaker 5: others and be like, ladies, we should wait five hundred
[1:11:35] Speaker 5: years and then sprinkle some blood on this.
[1:11:36] Speaker 2: What do you think.
[1:11:39] Speaker 5: This is a good ale? Let's use the fibers from
[1:11:42] Speaker 5: a different era, though, how about that? He make sure
[1:11:44] Speaker 5: we use all of the sign.
[1:11:45] Speaker 4: It sign a ship of theseus, it a greg.
[1:11:49] Speaker 5: From Roman times. Later, let's add some carbon to it too.
[1:11:53] Speaker 2: And then to bring the good news to the masses,
[1:11:56] Speaker 2: Mel Gibson can go on Joe Rogan and spread the
[1:11:59] Speaker 2: good news.
[1:12:02] Speaker 4: Yeah, and so the but the angels like he has risen,
[1:12:05] Speaker 4: and he disappears with a quick toa da, and then
[1:12:07] Speaker 4: this very southern lady goes, yah, he is.
[1:12:12] Speaker 5: Yep, that's a sheet. He is a resurrected guy. That's official.
[1:12:18] Speaker 5: He's risen. And every castle all I make has marshmallows
[1:12:21] Speaker 5: on top. I promise you that.
[1:12:25] Speaker 4: So yeah, so they and then Vincent fucking Price shows
[1:12:28] Speaker 4: up and he goes he is risen. Everybody, freeze again,
[1:12:30] Speaker 4: freeze again. I'm talking now, And then he dutally does
[1:12:33] Speaker 4: us into Babylon because apparently that's the other footage they had.
[1:12:40] Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, oh that was the ren Fair Babylon.
[1:12:43] Speaker 4: Yeah, when we meet Zoltar, he's there in case anybody
[1:12:47] Speaker 4: wishes they were big.
[1:12:49] Speaker 6: Yeah, at any point.
[1:12:51] Speaker 5: I like that there were magicians doing magic tricks, crystal balls,
[1:12:55] Speaker 5: and the wise men all sharing one big book. Yeah
[1:13:00] Speaker 5: that was cool.
[1:13:01] Speaker 3: So this is Nebukinezer, the King of Babylon, and they
[1:13:04] Speaker 3: tell us that he has yeah, a magician but also
[1:13:07] Speaker 3: a sorcerer. Yes, and I was like cool. He thinks
[1:13:11] Speaker 3: one of the like he's got a real magic guy
[1:13:13] Speaker 3: and then he's got like a tricks guy.
[1:13:16] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[1:13:16] Speaker 4: Yes, both probably kept asking the sorcerer to do that
[1:13:19] Speaker 4: one where he figures out his card or whatever, do
[1:13:21] Speaker 4: the one with the linking rings.
[1:13:22] Speaker 6: He's like, that's not a fucking sorcerer, trick man.
[1:13:25] Speaker 4: He also he also he says that he's got a
[1:13:27] Speaker 4: magicians and sorcerers and wise men, and I'm like, so,
[1:13:30] Speaker 4: what are the fucking magicians dumb?
[1:13:33] Speaker 5: What are you talking about?
[1:13:34] Speaker 2: Man?
[1:13:35] Speaker 4: So it's like what Eli describes me as the smart one,
[1:13:38] Speaker 4: you know, it's so then okay, so we cut to Nebukanezer.
[1:13:42] Speaker 4: He's having his nightmare and we see the big lovely
[1:13:46] Speaker 4: tiger print over his bed.
[1:13:49] Speaker 2: Oh no, I want to talk about this guy's bedroom
[1:13:51] Speaker 2: because this sounds like a guy i'd want to hang
[1:13:53] Speaker 2: out with the old time. I'm like, okay, I see,
[1:13:56] Speaker 2: I see hanging ropes. I got a purple dot wall
[1:13:59] Speaker 2: that shape like an X Files alien. He's sleeping under
[1:14:03] Speaker 2: the tiger tapestry. He's got fifteen lit candles. Wiley sleeps
[1:14:08] Speaker 2: on top of the covers. He has a blue and
[1:14:10] Speaker 2: a green silk pillow and Wiley sleeps. He is wearing
[1:14:15] Speaker 2: a little tiara.
[1:14:18] Speaker 5: Okay, this guy fuck you know that bed is spinning.
[1:14:21] Speaker 3: They don't show us, but like that bed can fucking
[1:14:23] Speaker 3: spin and vibrating.
[1:14:25] Speaker 5: And there's a mirror on the ceiling. Yeah, no, this
[1:14:28] Speaker 5: is this. There's some work being done.
[1:14:30] Speaker 4: So here's how amazing this fucking room is set. There
[1:14:34] Speaker 4: was also a giant lion print in that room, and
[1:14:37] Speaker 4: you didn't even mention it, right, and get around so
[1:14:39] Speaker 4: much shit getting going on your just like I can't
[1:14:41] Speaker 4: even I can't even be bothered to mention the giant
[1:14:44] Speaker 4: lion photo that kind of fucking clashes with the tiger theme.
[1:14:48] Speaker 3: Yeah, the movie even like insists on showing you again.
[1:14:51] Speaker 3: It's like, here's the lion, and then you see the
[1:14:53] Speaker 3: tiger poster behind the bed and they're like, by the way,
[1:14:56] Speaker 3: if you didn't see it earlier because you got confused,
[1:14:58] Speaker 3: Yes that's right, lion.
[1:14:59] Speaker 4: We have both, and this guy fucks and we got
[1:15:02] Speaker 4: so we get one of these moments. And this happens
[1:15:05] Speaker 4: all the time in biblical movies, where they're showing us
[1:15:08] Speaker 4: something that was never meant to be visualized that far right,
[1:15:12] Speaker 4: Because this is the story where Nebaganizer has the dream
[1:15:16] Speaker 4: about the statue that's layered and it's got gold and
[1:15:18] Speaker 4: it's got the feet of clay, right or whatever. So
[1:15:21] Speaker 4: what we have to see now is a statue that's
[1:15:23] Speaker 4: layered like this that's gold and then whatever, bronze and
[1:15:26] Speaker 4: then iron and then clay.
[1:15:28] Speaker 6: And it's like, well, it looks really fucking dumb.
[1:15:31] Speaker 5: So so because again it's not just because the dream,
[1:15:34] Speaker 5: if they could accurately represent it would already look silly.
[1:15:38] Speaker 5: But these motherfuckers had paper mache money. You know what
[1:15:40] Speaker 5: I'm saying. It looks like your nephew's troubling first attempt
[1:15:45] Speaker 5: at a chocolate easter bunny, Like you're like, yes, this
[1:15:48] Speaker 5: is great, buddy. I'm gonna put this away and check
[1:15:50] Speaker 5: you in patient, but thank you so much. No, I
[1:15:53] Speaker 5: won't be eating it.
[1:15:54] Speaker 3: It looked like they were building the statue of paper
[1:15:56] Speaker 3: mache at kindergarten and they couldn't get all the cray
[1:16:00] Speaker 3: on colors they wanted, exactly because somebody else got like
[1:16:03] Speaker 3: other ones, right the best they could.
[1:16:05] Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly so, and then we see like a rock
[1:16:10] Speaker 4: hurls towards it in slow motion and it hits the feet,
[1:16:14] Speaker 4: and then the statue falls, and then the statue explodes,
[1:16:19] Speaker 4: and then the statue explodes again. They have the budget
[1:16:23] Speaker 4: for absolutely nothing. But when it came time to blow
[1:16:25] Speaker 4: some shit up, Ron Rman was like, blow up twice though,
[1:16:27] Speaker 4: blow it up, make it blow up.
[1:16:29] Speaker 6: While it's blowing up.
[1:16:30] Speaker 5: It's like how occasionally when you're listening to Christian music,
[1:16:33] Speaker 5: you'll hear like a tiny bit of artistry from the
[1:16:35] Speaker 5: person they could have been. That's how I feel whenever
[1:16:38] Speaker 5: Ron gets to blow someone up or kills me. Right,
[1:16:40] Speaker 5: it's like there was a filmmaker in there once. My boy,
[1:16:44] Speaker 5: she would have gone to church without your rock.
[1:16:48] Speaker 4: So then we cut to fucking Daan Yo Bob having dinner, right,
[1:16:52] Speaker 4: and this is my favorite fucking actor because this guy's
[1:16:54] Speaker 4: gonna play Daniel, but he's got this just absolute Tennessee
[1:16:58] Speaker 4: accent about it.
[1:17:00] Speaker 5: Mm hmm. He has a Tennessee accent and he has
[1:17:03] Speaker 5: the haircut of Stewart from Mad TV.
[1:17:05] Speaker 4: Yes, so the King's Guard shows up, so sorry, the King,
[1:17:12] Speaker 4: you know, wakes up from his nightmare and he's like, hey,
[1:17:14] Speaker 4: go get all of the wise men and the Chaldeans
[1:17:17] Speaker 4: and the fucking magician and all of them.
[1:17:19] Speaker 6: Bring them to me.
[1:17:20] Speaker 4: I have this dream thing going on, right, So the
[1:17:23] Speaker 4: King's Guard shows up where Daniel and the other wise
[1:17:26] Speaker 4: men are and he's like pounding on the door and
[1:17:29] Speaker 4: he's like, hey, what do you want. He's like, I'm
[1:17:30] Speaker 4: gonna kill you slowly, and he's like what. He goes
[1:17:32] Speaker 4: the King had a bad dream that he needs interpreted.
[1:17:35] Speaker 5: It's such a weird threat because he's like, I cannot
[1:17:37] Speaker 5: wait to feel the skin from your flesh and he's
[1:17:41] Speaker 5: like what, and he's like, sorry, I should back up.
[1:17:43] Speaker 5: The King has a task that I think you won't
[1:17:45] Speaker 5: be able to do, and then when when you fail
[1:17:48] Speaker 5: and I'm sorry I opened this weird. I'm like, I'm
[1:17:53] Speaker 5: kind of freaking out right now because I feel like
[1:17:55] Speaker 5: I started things weird. Do you want to go back
[1:17:57] Speaker 5: out and start again? Okay? Can I start again?
[1:17:59] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[1:18:00] Speaker 5: Yeah, Well he came in a little hot test smoothing
[1:18:02] Speaker 5: away Daniel, shake it out.
[1:18:06] Speaker 2: I like how the king walks in and attempts to
[1:18:08] Speaker 2: be threatening with If you want to know what was
[1:18:10] Speaker 2: on his head, google nineteen nineties Jiffy Pop because it
[1:18:14] Speaker 2: was bubble of foil on his head, and then the parents.
[1:18:20] Speaker 2: He's using the same kind of dull knife that Abraham
[1:18:23] Speaker 2: was using. Did you notice this different color? But it's
[1:18:26] Speaker 2: like he walked in and threatened it with a garden tool.
[1:18:28] Speaker 2: He's like, he will come and interpret the King's dream
[1:18:32] Speaker 2: or I will make uneven rows in your pomegranate.
[1:18:39] Speaker 6: So yeah.
[1:18:39] Speaker 4: So but he's like, yeah, no, I can interpret the dream.
[1:18:42] Speaker 4: And so we watch Daniel thinking about the dream.
[1:18:46] Speaker 3: Now the way this is visualized, yes, so's He's like
[1:18:49] Speaker 3: standing there stair out the window and the upper right
[1:18:52] Speaker 3: quadrant of the screen is showing us the dream again.
[1:18:57] Speaker 5: You mean he thinks he thinks in the movie.
[1:19:00] Speaker 3: In the movie they think when people pray, do you
[1:19:03] Speaker 3: think some of them are like totally doude.
[1:19:06] Speaker 4: Oh it interesting, interesting, Yeah, they or somebody watching that
[1:19:10] Speaker 4: movie going like, well, let's suck that.
[1:19:12] Speaker 6: When I pray, I don't see stuff up in the
[1:19:14] Speaker 6: upper left.
[1:19:15] Speaker 4: But Daniel totally credited God with all the heavy lifting, right,
[1:19:18] Speaker 4: He's like, yeah, well, you know, I interpreted the thing,
[1:19:20] Speaker 4: but God figured it out.
[1:19:22] Speaker 5: So sorry, noah, it was ah my ham and turn
[1:19:25] Speaker 5: work tap dead the dream. But God his all demitory.
[1:19:29] Speaker 6: Right, yes, yes, right.
[1:19:30] Speaker 4: So we cut to the King watching the least sexy
[1:19:34] Speaker 4: belly dance of all time. So and but he's like,
[1:19:37] Speaker 4: clearly not into it.
[1:19:39] Speaker 5: So I really would love to enjoy your sexy belly dance.
[1:19:42] Speaker 5: But then like, there's a new episode of Severance on
[1:19:45] Speaker 5: Apple TV, and I'm kind of waiting for you to finish.
[1:19:47] Speaker 2: So I think that scene. I may be wrong with
[1:19:51] Speaker 2: the family in the alley, but I think that scene
[1:19:53] Speaker 2: was the first time that a female character said a
[1:19:57] Speaker 2: word in the entire movie. Yeah, and it was whispered
[1:20:01] Speaker 2: and it was like unintelligible, Like okay, well, oh, you're right,
[1:20:04] Speaker 2: we'll give you a line. But this is the Old Testament,
[1:20:08] Speaker 2: and so you know, you're not allowed to have authority
[1:20:11] Speaker 2: over men anyway, So we're just going to make you
[1:20:13] Speaker 2: mute and dress you and you know, glittery things, and
[1:20:16] Speaker 2: then you go sit in the corner.
[1:20:17] Speaker 3: We didn't have the women's liberation of the Book of Timothy,
[1:20:19] Speaker 3: yet at this point in history, you have to pass
[1:20:22] Speaker 3: the reverse bech Del tests.
[1:20:24] Speaker 5: Well, no, you only communicate about men to other men.
[1:20:27] Speaker 6: Right now, I'm thinking about it. I think you're absolutely
[1:20:29] Speaker 6: right this.
[1:20:29] Speaker 4: There's this one woman who goes Daniels here, and that
[1:20:32] Speaker 4: probably is the first time or no, not eve Eve
[1:20:35] Speaker 4: is spoken in the moment.
[1:20:36] Speaker 2: That's right, that's right.
[1:20:37] Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't want to spoil it. But there is
[1:20:39] Speaker 5: even the night events that she had seen.
[1:20:42] Speaker 4: Yes, but damn near enough that we had to scratch
[1:20:45] Speaker 4: our heads about it.
[1:20:46] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[1:20:46] Speaker 4: So, but Daniels shows up, and so the king claps,
[1:20:49] Speaker 4: everybody stops dancing, and the music stops and everything.
[1:20:51] Speaker 5: I feel like that's a confusing signal. What if he
[1:20:53] Speaker 5: really was enjoying the dancing.
[1:20:55] Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, they'd have to start again every time he claps.
[1:20:57] Speaker 4: Once they stop claps again, he starts again. So but
[1:21:00] Speaker 4: Daniel explains the dream. He goes like, you know, the
[1:21:02] Speaker 4: feet of Clay. He doesn't actually explain the dream, but
[1:21:05] Speaker 4: he's like, you know, you get it. You've read the
[1:21:07] Speaker 4: brible right. And then fucking Vincent Price shows up again
[1:21:12] Speaker 4: to tell us what the rest of that scene would
[1:21:14] Speaker 4: have looked like if Ron hadn't died before they finished
[1:21:16] Speaker 4: filming it.
[1:21:18] Speaker 5: I guess you guys get it. Daniel did the thing
[1:21:21] Speaker 5: and Jesus was the rock, and we did a thing
[1:21:24] Speaker 5: where Larry crawled out of a big paper machet rock
[1:21:26] Speaker 5: dressed like Jesus, but we just didn't have the heart
[1:21:29] Speaker 5: for him. Anyways. If you're wondering what the signs of
[1:21:33] Speaker 5: the apocalypse will be, it's disagreeing with me.
[1:21:37] Speaker 6: Yes, right, yeah, yeah, so just out of nowhere.
[1:21:41] Speaker 4: He's like, well, so, yeah, so the part that Daniel
[1:21:43] Speaker 4: missed is that the rock was Jesus. And I'm like, wow,
[1:21:46] Speaker 4: the all knowing God revealed the meaning to him in
[1:21:50] Speaker 4: a fucking state of trans or whatever.
[1:21:52] Speaker 5: How did he miss a part? Just God walking away
[1:21:56] Speaker 5: from Daniel patting his pockets. Ooh shit, did I forget
[1:21:58] Speaker 5: to tell him about Jesus? Well that's awesome.
[1:22:01] Speaker 2: So you got nebekin Azer who requires someone to explain
[1:22:04] Speaker 2: the dream, and then you have the preacher who has
[1:22:07] Speaker 2: to explain the explanation of Daniel who explained the dream. Yes,
[1:22:12] Speaker 2: really a good It's kind of a great metaphor for
[1:22:15] Speaker 2: how the Bible has been transferred down. Oh interesting the generations, right.
[1:22:19] Speaker 3: Yeah, and then they realize that their prophecy still hasn't
[1:22:22] Speaker 3: happened yet that they just named. So he's like, wait,
[1:22:25] Speaker 3: there's also the fucking falling away thing.
[1:22:28] Speaker 5: We're not wrong yet, We're not right.
[1:22:30] Speaker 6: Yeah, we're not quite wrong.
[1:22:31] Speaker 3: Yeah, the decay of society has to happen, and they
[1:22:34] Speaker 3: show us that for a second, the decay is going
[1:22:37] Speaker 3: to be disco and like ladies with credit cards.
[1:22:42] Speaker 4: Yep, But isn't that, like, doesn't that really tell you
[1:22:44] Speaker 4: something about this all knowing God that he's got this
[1:22:46] Speaker 4: incredibly important message right about Jesus shaking things up and
[1:22:50] Speaker 4: everything and be ready for that in the Second Coming
[1:22:52] Speaker 4: and all that. So the way he does it, he's like,
[1:22:54] Speaker 4: you know what I'm going to do is I'm going
[1:22:55] Speaker 4: to give the king a dream and then I'm going
[1:22:57] Speaker 4: to have the ninth person that tries to interpret it
[1:22:59] Speaker 4: interpret it correctly. I'm going to have that put into
[1:23:01] Speaker 4: a book and then we'll have Vincent Price interpret that
[1:23:05] Speaker 4: later for a movie in nineteen eighty.
[1:23:07] Speaker 6: Yeah. Right, that was God's fucking plan.
[1:23:10] Speaker 5: Apparently JJ Abrams is reading it like it seems a
[1:23:12] Speaker 5: little unclear.
[1:23:15] Speaker 3: And then what if a ball rolls down a ramp
[1:23:17] Speaker 3: and that light's a match, and then that wrote the
[1:23:21] Speaker 3: fall and then the mouse at the bottom gets the cage.
[1:23:24] Speaker 2: We had a shade of this recently. I was co
[1:23:26] Speaker 2: hosting a show on the Line and we had somebody
[1:23:29] Speaker 2: call up to do a riff on numerology, which is
[1:23:32] Speaker 2: one of those things where they go through the Bible
[1:23:34] Speaker 2: and they're like, okay, in every sixth chapter of the
[1:23:38] Speaker 2: seventh verse of the thirtieth word of the fiftieth letter
[1:23:43] Speaker 2: on a day with an R in it, if you
[1:23:45] Speaker 2: stand on one leg, if you add it all up,
[1:23:47] Speaker 2: then it comes to six six six or a seven
[1:23:51] Speaker 2: number of some kind, and and that means something relevant.
[1:23:55] Speaker 2: And I'm like, what kind of a what kind of
[1:23:57] Speaker 2: a sadist? Essentially say, okay, eternity's in the balance, so
[1:24:03] Speaker 2: to keep from burning, here's what I want you to do.
[1:24:06] Speaker 3: Right, It actually spells out maga, So that's how I've announcing.
[1:24:15] Speaker 6: All right, Well, i'll tell you what.
[1:24:16] Speaker 4: Now that we've been reminded Jesus is coming back for
[1:24:18] Speaker 4: the twenty sixth time in the film, it's starting to
[1:24:21] Speaker 4: kind of sink in. So I need a minute to
[1:24:22] Speaker 4: rethink things. But first let me give Act three the
[1:24:25] Speaker 4: hard cell. Do you know where you'd go if you
[1:24:29] Speaker 4: died tonight? Have you heard the good news about Jesus?
[1:24:33] Speaker 4: Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord
[1:24:35] Speaker 4: and Savior? Find out the answers to these questions and
[1:24:39] Speaker 4: more when we return for the so much crazier than
[1:24:41] Speaker 4: you are prepared for a conclusion of the Second Coming.
[1:24:47] Speaker 5: Mitch, Mitch, Hey, Craig, what's up. Did you hear thousands
[1:24:52] Speaker 5: of people are disappearing? Oh you mean like the rapture?
[1:24:56] Speaker 3: Uh? Oh yeah, I guess must be the then, yeah,
[1:25:00] Speaker 3: it has to be.
[1:25:01] Speaker 5: Good point.
[1:25:02] Speaker 4: Hey, fellas, fellas, did you see that the rapture happened?
[1:25:05] Speaker 6: Right?
[1:25:05] Speaker 5: What are the chances I'll tell you this? I am
[1:25:08] Speaker 5: sure it's the rapture?
[1:25:10] Speaker 4: Well, I sure, literally all media and aspects of society
[1:25:13] Speaker 4: have been permeated by promises of the rapture. Not understanding
[1:25:16] Speaker 4: this was the rapture would be like not recognizing Mickey Mouse.
[1:25:21] Speaker 5: If Mickey Mouse spent billions of dollars a year telling
[1:25:23] Speaker 5: people about himself. Yeah, exactly.
[1:25:25] Speaker 2: Hey, fellas, did you hear about this mystery on the news?
[1:25:29] Speaker 6: Mystery Charlie? What are you talking about?
[1:25:31] Speaker 2: Now? Apparently there's a missing ear ring?
[1:25:34] Speaker 3: No, Charlie, people are disappearing, So it's the rapture.
[1:25:39] Speaker 6: Then, yep, the rapture.
[1:25:40] Speaker 4: Definitely the rapture, And we're back for still more of
[1:25:44] Speaker 4: this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with Roger awakening
[1:25:47] Speaker 4: to an alarm clock that Tom Curry would consider a
[1:25:49] Speaker 4: little much, right, Okay.
[1:25:52] Speaker 5: So at this point I was like, what the fuck
[1:25:55] Speaker 5: is happening with this movie. And that's when I looked
[1:25:57] Speaker 5: up and realized that ron Orman had died. Now, I
[1:25:59] Speaker 5: know what you're saying. I should have realized that when
[1:26:01] Speaker 5: they dedicated the movie to him, but I didn't realize
[1:26:05] Speaker 5: he died midway through making it. So now the whole
[1:26:07] Speaker 5: movie had a real I'm gonna make this last Jolly
[1:26:10] Speaker 5: rancher last for this car rd.
[1:26:14] Speaker 6: Yes. Yeah.
[1:26:16] Speaker 2: And when he died, was it like the death of
[1:26:18] Speaker 2: the Preacher on stage? Did someone just come by and
[1:26:20] Speaker 2: sort of brush their palm across the.
[1:26:23] Speaker 5: Podcast at him on the chest and was like, yep, dead.
[1:26:26] Speaker 2: Yep, it's not going to work for you.
[1:26:28] Speaker 4: Yeah. I wonder if they filmed that afterwards as sort
[1:26:30] Speaker 4: of a I bet it was the Antichrist that got
[1:26:33] Speaker 4: him kind of a thing.
[1:26:35] Speaker 2: Have you noticed that in the Rapture movies and A
[1:26:37] Speaker 2: Thief in the Night, that whole trilogyar Actually it's four films.
[1:26:41] Speaker 2: They have Jesus arriving, the Rapture happens, and all the
[1:26:45] Speaker 2: believers disappear. If you read the Bible, it is like
[1:26:49] Speaker 2: a big deal. You know, the trumpet will sound, the
[1:26:52] Speaker 2: dead will be raised, incorruptible, we shall be changed. So
[1:26:56] Speaker 2: the fanfare is going to be so grand, so global,
[1:26:59] Speaker 2: so intense, and so undeniable that it can be outdone
[1:27:03] Speaker 2: by a desk alarm clock. Right, the trumpet of Christ's
[1:27:10] Speaker 2: return doesn't wake him, but the buzzing of his alarm
[1:27:14] Speaker 2: clock rouses him. Immediately, makes no sense.
[1:27:17] Speaker 5: Alexis snooze the Jesus trumpet?
[1:27:20] Speaker 4: Well, it also like we get the hangover, like the
[1:27:23] Speaker 4: sketch just talked about, We get the whole stupid like
[1:27:25] Speaker 4: nobody seems to know about the rapture after it happens
[1:27:28] Speaker 4: thing as well. So he calls his mom to tell
[1:27:32] Speaker 4: him he's too hungover to go to church with her,
[1:27:34] Speaker 4: and we you know, we all had that moment of like, wow,
[1:27:36] Speaker 4: did it really take that long to dial a rotary phone?
[1:27:39] Speaker 6: God, I forgot about that.
[1:27:41] Speaker 4: But while he's doing that, the news cuts into the
[1:27:43] Speaker 4: radio and it's like, people everywhere I have disappeared. We
[1:27:46] Speaker 4: don't know what happened yet, but we'll tell you later
[1:27:49] Speaker 4: in the movie.
[1:27:50] Speaker 5: You know, Yeah, And I know that you all just
[1:27:52] Speaker 5: heard a sketch about this, but I will never get
[1:27:55] Speaker 5: over rapture movies where everybody doesn't know it's the fucking
[1:27:59] Speaker 5: rap sometimes I walk in the room and call my
[1:28:03] Speaker 5: wife's name twice, and I'm like, oh, that was a
[1:28:05] Speaker 5: fucking rap.
[1:28:08] Speaker 3: I like that the radio had excellent timing for explaining
[1:28:11] Speaker 3: the rapture, Like oh, right after he gets up alarmed,
[1:28:13] Speaker 3: straight to a radio and they like break in and
[1:28:15] Speaker 3: they're like breaking news, rapture.
[1:28:17] Speaker 5: And then they say it again.
[1:28:18] Speaker 3: They're like, right, if you were, If you're just joining
[1:28:20] Speaker 3: us after my one sentence a second ago, I'll say
[1:28:23] Speaker 3: it again, rapture.
[1:28:24] Speaker 4: If you are calling your mother and not really paying
[1:28:27] Speaker 4: attention to the radio, I should probably mention one more time.
[1:28:30] Speaker 2: It's like in all those movies when someone's like, turn
[1:28:32] Speaker 2: on your TV when something news where they happen, right,
[1:28:35] Speaker 2: and three hundred channels they just happen to have it on.
[1:28:38] Speaker 4: I repeat, yes, yes, the plot of the yeah, yeah,
[1:28:42] Speaker 4: the premise, so yeah. But he can't get his mom
[1:28:44] Speaker 4: on the line, and he's heard that a bunch of
[1:28:46] Speaker 4: people were disappearing, so he goes to check on his mom, right,
[1:28:49] Speaker 4: and we know right away that she's raptured because her
[1:28:51] Speaker 4: tea kettle is squealing away. And that's one of the
[1:28:53] Speaker 4: six items at Tony D's House of fucking rapture cliches, right,
[1:28:59] Speaker 4: But Roger the character doesn't know it's a rapture movie,
[1:29:03] Speaker 4: so he just resorts to breaking Mom's window way too fast.
[1:29:08] Speaker 5: Instantly, Mom could have been taking a ship.
[1:29:10] Speaker 4: Roger relaxed even at okay, because it's just like knock, knock, Ma,
[1:29:16] Speaker 4: Ma breaks the fucking witsmail.
[1:29:19] Speaker 5: I don't think he gave her a second Mom. I
[1:29:21] Speaker 5: think it was a one moth situation.
[1:29:23] Speaker 2: I think she was out front, looking in a bewildered
[1:29:25] Speaker 2: way at the sky. And here's why I say that,
[1:29:27] Speaker 2: because there is in Christian tradition this notion that when
[1:29:32] Speaker 2: Jesus returns, he will return from the east, and it's
[1:29:35] Speaker 2: rooted in a scripture about I forget exactly what the
[1:29:38] Speaker 2: scripture says, but Christian tradition is so married to this
[1:29:41] Speaker 2: that if you go to a cemetery where you see
[1:29:43] Speaker 2: Christians are buried, the plots are facing east. The head
[1:29:47] Speaker 2: must face east because when Jesus arrives, apparently like he's
[1:29:52] Speaker 2: going to arrive so he can be seen in the east.
[1:29:54] Speaker 2: And I've just never understood this. Okay, so you're a
[1:29:57] Speaker 2: Christian in I don't know, New York City, Does that
[1:30:00] Speaker 2: mean Jesus is going to drop down what over the
[1:30:02] Speaker 2: North Atlantic? If he descends on Israel, then what the
[1:30:07] Speaker 2: people at riod Or. They can't turn around and look west,
[1:30:10] Speaker 2: so they're totally hosed, you know. I just under Jesus
[1:30:13] Speaker 2: comes down and he only does like one hundred and
[1:30:15] Speaker 2: eighty degree pains. He's like, I'll just leave everybody else.
[1:30:20] Speaker 3: And if they face the heads east, those people can
[1:30:23] Speaker 3: only see west. It's like laying in bed, you wouldn't
[1:30:26] Speaker 3: put your TV behind your head, you'd put it in
[1:30:29] Speaker 3: front of your head.
[1:30:29] Speaker 2: I don't know. It's something about how that if they
[1:30:32] Speaker 2: were to rise up, they would be looking east. This
[1:30:35] Speaker 2: happened at my own grandmother's funeral digression. They had an
[1:30:39] Speaker 2: outdoor service and they had her positioned out there and
[1:30:43] Speaker 2: her casket was there, and my mother, my religious mother,
[1:30:46] Speaker 2: was like agitated. She's like, oh my god, it's something.
[1:30:50] Speaker 2: I'm like, well, what's wrong. She's facing the wrong way
[1:30:53] Speaker 2: and so I'd never heard of this thing before, so
[1:30:56] Speaker 2: I'm like, what are you talking about? Well, she has
[1:30:58] Speaker 2: to be facing the east, and I'm I just don't
[1:31:01] Speaker 2: get Jesus comes back and he doesn't see Grandma facing
[1:31:04] Speaker 2: east and just says fuck it, and he just leaves.
[1:31:07] Speaker 2: I don't understand this at all, So.
[1:31:09] Speaker 6: I think I get it.
[1:31:10] Speaker 4: Okay, So it's not about because Jesus is going to
[1:31:12] Speaker 4: take her one way or the other. But imagine that
[1:31:14] Speaker 4: you're the only one in the elevator facing backwards.
[1:31:17] Speaker 6: It's going to be embarrassed.
[1:31:18] Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a power move that I do. I like
[1:31:20] Speaker 5: to pace the back of the elevator and go not today,
[1:31:23] Speaker 5: not today. I'll tell you if people let you out first,
[1:31:27] Speaker 5: no matter what floor you're going to.
[1:31:29] Speaker 6: Well interesting, yeah, yeah, So he breaks into mom's house.
[1:31:31] Speaker 5: He's looking.
[1:31:32] Speaker 6: She's got the radio on again.
[1:31:33] Speaker 4: It comes on it exactly the right time, one more time, right,
[1:31:36] Speaker 4: and it comes in and it goes like more news
[1:31:38] Speaker 4: on the disappearances. The President is meeting with the Joint
[1:31:41] Speaker 4: chiefs of Staff and a bunch of preachers.
[1:31:45] Speaker 3: If you just broke into your mom's house and walked
[1:31:47] Speaker 3: into a room where there's a radio on, good luck
[1:31:50] Speaker 3: to you, right, here's the news.
[1:31:53] Speaker 4: Well, and then he picks up I guess it's not
[1:31:55] Speaker 4: a Bible, right because it has to talk clearly about
[1:31:57] Speaker 4: the rapture, and the Bible doesn't do that. So he
[1:32:00] Speaker 4: finds this little tiny book, right, and he starts absently
[1:32:04] Speaker 4: leaping through it, and he goes, oh, this is a
[1:32:07] Speaker 4: this is a book about the rapture.
[1:32:08] Speaker 6: How convenience?
[1:32:10] Speaker 2: Have you noticed how freaked out everybody is about the Rapture?
[1:32:13] Speaker 2: I mean, this is something that Christians are supposed to
[1:32:15] Speaker 2: be looking forward to. Come, Lord Jesus, please take me away.
[1:32:17] Speaker 2: Heaven's going to be an amazing place where I have
[1:32:19] Speaker 2: mansions and streets of gold. I get to be reunited
[1:32:22] Speaker 2: with Grandma, my best friend, and the family dog. And
[1:32:24] Speaker 2: I cannot wait for Jesus. And then all of a
[1:32:26] Speaker 2: sudden a sign of the eminent return of Christ comes
[1:32:29] Speaker 2: along or the rapture, and they're like they lose their
[1:32:33] Speaker 2: minds every time.
[1:32:34] Speaker 5: Yeah, this should be parties.
[1:32:35] Speaker 2: So which is it? Are you excited about the end
[1:32:38] Speaker 2: of this physical realm?
[1:32:39] Speaker 5: Or yeah?
[1:32:40] Speaker 2: Are you terrified of this physical realm coming to an
[1:32:42] Speaker 2: acth Is.
[1:32:43] Speaker 5: There any chance that a bunch of your liars and
[1:32:45] Speaker 5: you're not actually fine?
[1:32:46] Speaker 4: Rights read the monos which doesn't make sense either.
[1:32:50] Speaker 2: Also, have you noticed on the radio when they were
[1:32:52] Speaker 2: saying that the President and the Joint chiefs of Staff
[1:32:56] Speaker 2: will be meeting to discuss this, and I'm like, I'm sorry,
[1:33:00] Speaker 2: why in all of these films are the president and
[1:33:04] Speaker 2: the joint chiefs of staff not raptured because they're apparently
[1:33:07] Speaker 2: not Christians? Can you one American president who was not identified,
[1:33:12] Speaker 2: at least publicly as a Christian in some way? So
[1:33:16] Speaker 2: is the implication that they were all secret atheist and
[1:33:19] Speaker 2: just being politicians? Yeah, you know the religion.
[1:33:22] Speaker 3: Jimmy Carter, that evil atheist, that was the guy at
[1:33:26] Speaker 3: the time.
[1:33:27] Speaker 6: Also weird that.
[1:33:27] Speaker 4: He's going to bring in the Navy on this. He's like, Wow,
[1:33:30] Speaker 4: a lot of people disappeared. I wonder what the Navy
[1:33:32] Speaker 4: thinks of this. I don't understand that. But this is
[1:33:35] Speaker 4: this is, of course, where we get the money shot
[1:33:39] Speaker 4: of the film, right, because Roger sits down on the
[1:33:42] Speaker 4: end of the bed and he looks right at the
[1:33:44] Speaker 4: camera and he says these exact words, I shit you not.
[1:33:48] Speaker 6: My mother was right, Yeah, she sure was.
[1:33:53] Speaker 5: It's funny you wrote that that's the money shot, because
[1:33:55] Speaker 5: I wrote in my notes that's the closest Christians are
[1:33:57] Speaker 5: going to get to officially poorn.
[1:33:58] Speaker 4: You're right, yeah, exactly exactly as we learned with Fireproof
[1:34:03] Speaker 4: with Kirk Cameron, it.
[1:34:04] Speaker 3: Was mean to do an atheist podcast making fun of
[1:34:07] Speaker 3: Ron Ormond's movies at any time.
[1:34:09] Speaker 5: Ever, That's what I'm saying now, that's.
[1:34:12] Speaker 6: What I've learned.
[1:34:13] Speaker 4: Yeah, right, So, but then the narrator takes us to
[1:34:17] Speaker 4: this fucking cemetery to kick off a little rapture montage.
[1:34:20] Speaker 4: And this is where we get to see what Seth
[1:34:23] Speaker 4: was talking about, the people having to be spring loaded
[1:34:27] Speaker 4: to the east when they're we see shit, you know,
[1:34:32] Speaker 4: we see a grave just explode, and we're like, I'm listening.
[1:34:37] Speaker 2: Rod Karen buried in a pez dispenser. It immediately splung
[1:34:44] Speaker 2: to me the god in the air.
[1:34:46] Speaker 5: It's fucking phenomenal. I was looking at this grave and
[1:34:50] Speaker 5: I was like, is there about to be a person
[1:34:52] Speaker 5: on this grave? In my wildest dreams, I did not
[1:34:56] Speaker 5: believe we were going to watch someone explode out of
[1:34:59] Speaker 5: that grave with a candy crushed sound effect.
[1:35:02] Speaker 2: Yes, right, there's like a noseperawtu kind of thing just
[1:35:05] Speaker 2: goes bot into a vertical position.
[1:35:08] Speaker 4: Well, and then we've got like, yeah, right now, it's
[1:35:10] Speaker 4: like somebody stepped on a rake, but a human being.
[1:35:12] Speaker 4: And and then we have we have this little montage
[1:35:15] Speaker 4: of different people like you know where the where the
[1:35:18] Speaker 4: dad gets raptured at the farm and the sun doesn't
[1:35:20] Speaker 4: and the husband doesn't get raptured, but the wife does.
[1:35:22] Speaker 4: And every time somebody gets raptured, they do do it
[1:35:25] Speaker 4: to the sound effect of link finding a secret room.
[1:35:29] Speaker 6: Right.
[1:35:30] Speaker 2: I don't know what that is. I got to look
[1:35:32] Speaker 2: at somebody performance flash.
[1:35:35] Speaker 5: Gordon reference doesn't get yourselfish. Not quite as relevant as
[1:35:39] Speaker 5: the jiffy pop.
[1:35:40] Speaker 6: Of the nineteen ninety.
[1:35:45] Speaker 2: I have failed you, my son? What does it sound like?
[1:35:48] Speaker 2: What's yeah?
[1:35:52] Speaker 5: He had that in the fucking chamber.
[1:35:54] Speaker 4: No, you asked me what the legend is? Eldest out
[1:35:57] Speaker 4: effect sounds like a come on? So then did we
[1:36:00] Speaker 4: get the Evening News. I love this fucking evening News
[1:36:03] Speaker 4: report so goddamn much because this is the you know,
[1:36:06] Speaker 4: the raptures happened, the any craze is taking over it
[1:36:08] Speaker 4: and we're about to do the six sixty sixth thing, right,
[1:36:11] Speaker 4: And so the Evening News guy comes up and he goes,
[1:36:14] Speaker 4: everyone will have to.
[1:36:15] Speaker 6: Be labeled every man, woman and child.
[1:36:18] Speaker 4: Sources say this comes directly from world headquarters, and we're
[1:36:22] Speaker 4: like world headquarters of what the evil un.
[1:36:27] Speaker 2: I love the fact that when he shows his own
[1:36:29] Speaker 2: six' sixty six stamp on his, hand it looks like
[1:36:31] Speaker 2: he just got stamped for admission at the trampoline. Park, right,
[1:36:35] Speaker 2: yeah he's Likely my hour started at eleven. Twenty i've
[1:36:38] Speaker 2: got fifteen more. Minutes you're not kicking me out of.
[1:36:41] Speaker 2: Here that's exactly WHAT i was thinking WHEN i saw his.
[1:36:43] Speaker 3: Wrist, yeah and the news guy, says it's the edict
[1:36:46] Speaker 3: is it has to be electronically labeled on your your
[1:36:50] Speaker 3: right hand or your. Forehead first of, all the fox's choosing.
[1:36:54] Speaker 3: Forehead that's, insane, right that'd be weird electronically label like
[1:36:58] Speaker 3: this is nineteen, Eighty like you would like An atari
[1:37:00] Speaker 3: twenty six hundred smashed into your.
[1:37:02] Speaker 5: Forehead think they're using.
[1:37:05] Speaker 2: THERE i love computers in nineteen eighties. Movies have you
[1:37:09] Speaker 2: noticed that all it takes is like ten seconds for
[1:37:12] Speaker 2: them to do exactly what you want them to?
[1:37:14] Speaker 8: Do?
[1:37:14] Speaker 9: Right?
[1:37:14] Speaker 2: Yeah all you have to do is it's like was
[1:37:17] Speaker 2: It Star trek? Four scotty's sitting there in A mac
[1:37:20] Speaker 2: and he just like immediately starts typing and within thirty.
[1:37:23] Speaker 2: Seconds oh, look transparent aluminum like those computers in the
[1:37:27] Speaker 2: eighties will. Do all you have to do is just
[1:37:29] Speaker 2: type in please make a number of the beast right.
[1:37:32] Speaker 4: IMMEDIATELY i hated that scene so fucking much because why
[1:37:36] Speaker 4: would he be good at?
[1:37:37] Speaker 6: Typing? Right it makes no.
[1:37:39] Speaker 4: Fuck he's been able to talk to his computer and
[1:37:41] Speaker 4: he's typing like a super fucking type Of, like why
[1:37:43] Speaker 4: would being from the future make you fast at? Typing
[1:37:46] Speaker 4: that's so.
[1:37:46] Speaker 3: Dumb, also everyone's gonna scan like the same bank account.
[1:37:52] Speaker 5: Number it's. Awesome it's all the same.
[1:37:54] Speaker 6: Number it needs to.
[1:37:54] Speaker 3: Be a FUCKING qr code or. Something you can't just
[1:37:57] Speaker 3: span all the same.
[1:37:57] Speaker 2: ONES i feel so stupid That i've never thought of
[1:38:01] Speaker 2: that in my. Life LIKE i got bar codes because
[1:38:05] Speaker 2: there was during The Satanic panic there was a claim
[1:38:08] Speaker 2: that barcodes were actually the numbers of The, beast and
[1:38:11] Speaker 2: computers were tied into the end times and all.
[1:38:13] Speaker 5: That, WELL i, mean like one of the ten digits
[1:38:17] Speaker 5: was a.
[1:38:17] Speaker 2: Six if everybody six six, SIX i, mean we're definitely
[1:38:21] Speaker 2: all drawing from the same, well aren't. We, yeah what IF.
[1:38:26] Speaker 5: I were to tell you about a little ponzi scheme
[1:38:29] Speaker 5: known as The Federal, reserve hear me? Out and why
[1:38:34] Speaker 5: is this reporter immediately in agreement with the whole thing.
[1:38:36] Speaker 5: Too he's he's just like excited about.
[1:38:39] Speaker 6: It well because he works for the Deep.
[1:38:40] Speaker 5: State oh, okay, okay, right he's. Scared, yeah.
[1:38:44] Speaker 3: Scared The illuminati got to. Him we shouldn't have called
[1:38:48] Speaker 3: The antichrist a. Rapist that's our. Fault he did get
[1:38:50] Speaker 3: convicted of a. Thing that is that? Word Yell, okay,
[1:38:56] Speaker 3: sorry it's. Okay so then we cut To roger and
[1:38:59] Speaker 3: he's in line to get his. Tattoo so we see
[1:39:01] Speaker 3: like their, idea we see nineteen eighties idea of a
[1:39:05] Speaker 3: futuristic tattoo.
[1:39:07] Speaker 6: Machine it might as well be a, gravitron.
[1:39:11] Speaker 2: RIGHT i was wondering if somebody was gonna play Load
[1:39:14] Speaker 2: runner on one of the monitors that's. Old it all
[1:39:17] Speaker 2: looked it's a sweet.
[1:39:18] Speaker 5: GAME i, also they mentioned it. Earlier we don't get
[1:39:20] Speaker 5: to see anyone take, it but they mentioned that the
[1:39:22] Speaker 5: choice is hand or, forehead AND i JUST i really
[1:39:25] Speaker 5: want a one on one interview with the guy who chooses.
[1:39:28] Speaker 5: Forehead it's just, like you, know SOMETIMES i got my
[1:39:30] Speaker 5: hands in my.
[1:39:31] Speaker 6: Pocket, okay it's a lot easier get out every.
[1:39:35] Speaker 5: Time so, like but.
[1:39:36] Speaker 3: When you want to like boop it at the. Store
[1:39:37] Speaker 3: you're gonna headbutt the little. Thing ere little, bow little,
[1:39:40] Speaker 3: bow you're gonna are you going to?
[1:39:41] Speaker 2: Do i'm gonna have any hell little bit time getting
[1:39:44] Speaker 2: that under the passport scanner at the, airport, right.
[1:39:49] Speaker 5: AND i hate self check out at the grocery. Store
[1:39:51] Speaker 5: let me tell, YOU i gotta get my squeezed myself
[1:39:54] Speaker 5: under that little, thing gets me right in the cum.
[1:39:56] Speaker 3: Gutters so but, okay so but But roger decides at
[1:40:05] Speaker 3: the last minute that he can't do it great because
[1:40:07] Speaker 3: he's been reading about this, rapture so he jumps out
[1:40:10] Speaker 3: of line and then we have this scene where he's
[1:40:12] Speaker 3: he's on like a greasy. Spoon he's ORDERING i try
[1:40:15] Speaker 3: to order a hamburger and they're, like but you ain't
[1:40:17] Speaker 3: got the, mock no, mack no boiga for.
[1:40:20] Speaker 5: You i'm so, Sorry. NOAH i know this film is
[1:40:23] Speaker 5: only fifty minutes and we are so close to the.
[1:40:25] Speaker 5: End you can taste. IT i can taste, it BUT
[1:40:27] Speaker 5: i do need to talk about how this order is.
[1:40:30] Speaker 5: Taken the man at the counter, says what for, you
[1:40:33] Speaker 5: and you see the actor who Plays roger, going we're
[1:40:37] Speaker 5: obviously taking no, oh we're not taking that, again all,
[1:40:39] Speaker 5: right what for?
[1:40:40] Speaker 1: You it?
[1:40:40] Speaker 2: Is?
[1:40:41] Speaker 5: Then the hamburger is WHAT i would be.
[1:40:44] Speaker 4: Four he goes a hamburger, medium And i'm, LIKE i
[1:40:47] Speaker 4: think in that place you get the.
[1:40:48] Speaker 6: Hamburger how he cooks the hamburger BRO.
[1:40:50] Speaker 5: I don't think this guy has a meat thermometer back,
[1:40:53] Speaker 5: there so and if he, does he doesn't use it
[1:40:56] Speaker 5: for the.
[1:40:56] Speaker 4: Meat so, yeah so he. Leaves he's, like no emburger for.
[1:41:00] Speaker 4: You he, goes, okay, YEAH i don't want to start a.
[1:41:02] Speaker 4: Problem so he goes, outside but a couple of atheists
[1:41:04] Speaker 4: heavies are out there ready to beat him up for
[1:41:07] Speaker 4: not having his mark of The Beast atheist.
[1:41:10] Speaker 2: Hooligans, yeah oh, THIS i love, this this scene our PROTAGONIST.
[1:41:14] Speaker 2: Tj hooker the hell out of this, TIME i swear
[1:41:19] Speaker 2: JUST i, mean it was absolute eighties action gold but you, know,
[1:41:23] Speaker 2: yeah it. Was it's like you've got that in the. Background,
[1:41:26] Speaker 2: obviously the trumpet's going, on and he's you, know and
[1:41:30] Speaker 2: one of The MATTIES i think was wearing the obligatory
[1:41:33] Speaker 2: leather JACKET i.
[1:41:34] Speaker 4: Recall, yeah and and of course had the obligatory switchblade
[1:41:38] Speaker 4: to pull out halfway through the. Fight you start with
[1:41:41] Speaker 4: the switchblades' you're Gonna you're gonna be. Fine but, no
[1:41:44] Speaker 4: halfway through the fight he's, like, also, switchblade.
[1:41:47] Speaker 2: That switchblade is not going to do anything against That
[1:41:49] Speaker 2: shatner That William shatner moved that the guy did at
[1:41:52] Speaker 2: the end with the double. Fist he just kind of
[1:41:54] Speaker 2: spun around and sent him off into The, wallah no
[1:41:57] Speaker 2: switch blade can master. That no.
[1:42:00] Speaker 6: Way they wouldn't figure that out for another ten years at.
[1:42:02] Speaker 2: Least one last break here and our final segment With Noah,
[1:42:08] Speaker 2: Lusions Eli, Bosnik heath and right the god Awful movie's. Crew.
[1:42:13] Speaker 2: Next the film released forty five years, ago produced By Ron,
[1:42:26] Speaker 2: ormond an evangelist and really shitty movie. Maker we continue
[1:42:31] Speaker 2: our review Of The Second.
[1:42:33] Speaker 4: Coming so But roger wins the fight and he runs
[1:42:37] Speaker 4: off and he like hides under a bridge where he
[1:42:41] Speaker 4: turns To god and he's, Like, lord you gotta help,
[1:42:43] Speaker 4: Me And lord's, like should about?
[1:42:46] Speaker 6: That before the? Rapture, roger what's that?
[1:42:49] Speaker 2: About? THOUGH i, MEAN i don't mean to jump in,
[1:42:51] Speaker 2: again But i'm. Sorry he runs what a distance of
[1:42:55] Speaker 2: maybe one hundred yards and he's running at the speed of.
[1:42:59] Speaker 8: Litigation, yeah and, all and then he just stops and,
[1:43:03] Speaker 8: decides you, know this should be a great time to
[1:43:06] Speaker 8: do some, reading and he just sits down and starts
[1:43:09] Speaker 8: READING i don't understand, this.
[1:43:12] Speaker 3: Yeah and the atheist greasers are, like he's, gone where'd he?
[1:43:14] Speaker 3: Go he's magically under a, bridge disappeared and he pulls
[1:43:18] Speaker 3: out the book. Again so he's, like just now finally
[1:43:21] Speaker 3: reading the answer key about the rapture in this book he, had,
[1:43:25] Speaker 3: Right and he reads some more and he's reading like
[1:43:28] Speaker 3: the details of the prophecies and every detail it appears
[1:43:33] Speaker 3: is somehow playing out exactly like it says in the,
[1:43:36] Speaker 3: book right next to him there under the, bridge, Right
[1:43:39] Speaker 3: he's like looking around and it's.
[1:43:40] Speaker 5: Happening it's.
[1:43:41] Speaker 4: Amazing because just in case you don't follow along with
[1:43:44] Speaker 4: what he's, doing he says out loud as he opens the,
[1:43:47] Speaker 4: book my mom used to tell me to Read. Revelation
[1:43:51] Speaker 4: so that's the exact fucking line in the. Movie and
[1:43:53] Speaker 4: then he's, like all the trees and grass will burn.
[1:43:56] Speaker 4: Up Check And i'm, like did that happen off screen?
[1:43:59] Speaker 4: Somewhere and they're, like, no, see here's a, fire.
[1:44:01] Speaker 2: And he's the whole time he's sitting. There of, course
[1:44:04] Speaker 2: the drama IS i wonder if he'll be discovered now
[1:44:07] Speaker 2: and we're talking about A caucasian sitting under a bright
[1:44:11] Speaker 2: street light wearing a WHITE t. Shirt this guy could
[1:44:15] Speaker 2: have been seen from, space right from.
[1:44:19] Speaker 4: Space but, no he's got he's got plenty of time
[1:44:22] Speaker 4: to read revelation and sure is sorry about Rejecting jesus
[1:44:26] Speaker 4: for all those.
[1:44:27] Speaker 5: Years, right we get a locus teas, here, right if
[1:44:31] Speaker 5: they're going through all the, things it's, like there'll be
[1:44:33] Speaker 5: the pit AND i was, like, OH i, know it
[1:44:34] Speaker 5: comes out of the. Pit and they're like The locus
[1:44:36] Speaker 5: come out of the.
[1:44:36] Speaker 6: Pit And i'm, like oh, no they don't give a.
[1:44:39] Speaker 5: Shit ron was. DEAD i was furious me, Too thank
[1:44:42] Speaker 5: You instead holding you.
[1:44:44] Speaker 4: In the, light the clown Car zamboni Of Jesus cops
[1:44:49] Speaker 4: rolls up, again, right And helmet shows up and he
[1:44:53] Speaker 4: turns to the main character and he goes at last
[1:44:56] Speaker 4: we meet Mister, morgan and we're, like what are you
[1:45:02] Speaker 4: just you just excited to finally meet the main.
[1:45:04] Speaker 5: Character hold, on let me pick things.
[1:45:07] Speaker 2: Broken last fuck was the implication that the hero was
[1:45:17] Speaker 2: on a. List how would they know who he?
[1:45:18] Speaker 6: WAS i don't.
[1:45:19] Speaker 2: KNOW i wasn't making a connection at. All it's, like
[1:45:22] Speaker 2: this seems awfully a very familiar conversation considering that you
[1:45:26] Speaker 2: just turned a corner down the road right.
[1:45:29] Speaker 4: Right like there's a very like Ron ormond had some
[1:45:32] Speaker 4: other ideas in mind of these two, characters knowing who they,
[1:45:35] Speaker 4: were kind of the thing going. On but Then roger
[1:45:39] Speaker 4: punches him in the, helmet like check you anywhere?
[1:45:44] Speaker 5: Else, man hurt, me hurt?
[1:45:46] Speaker 4: Myself he punches him the helmet and SOMEHOW i think
[1:45:49] Speaker 4: punching helmet in the helmet knocks him, unconscious knocks himself.
[1:45:55] Speaker 5: Out, yes they actually do a cleanup shot of this
[1:45:58] Speaker 5: later in the movie where they show someone knocking him
[1:46:00] Speaker 5: out with the gun like someone was Like, GRAY i
[1:46:03] Speaker 5: found that reel where the guy knocks that. Helmet should
[1:46:07] Speaker 5: we just put this wherever the fuck we feel like?
[1:46:09] Speaker 5: It later in the, Movie.
[1:46:11] Speaker 2: Why would you go for the unarmed guy in the
[1:46:13] Speaker 2: helmet when they do next to him apparently was carrying
[1:46:16] Speaker 2: what looked like a submachine gun or. Whatever why not
[1:46:19] Speaker 2: taking him out.
[1:46:20] Speaker 4: First, right and he doesn't have a, helmet do the
[1:46:23] Speaker 4: Big shatner?
[1:46:24] Speaker 5: Punch come?
[1:46:24] Speaker 2: On?
[1:46:25] Speaker 4: Yeah, Obviously so, okay but Then roger wakes up in
[1:46:28] Speaker 4: a dungeon and all of us are just, like our
[1:46:30] Speaker 4: notes are all just question marks from this point on,
[1:46:33] Speaker 4: right because suddenly there are upa. Lupas there's a dude
[1:46:37] Speaker 4: who's painted green.
[1:46:39] Speaker 3: Here, yeah there's there's the mud farmer From Monty, Python Holy.
[1:46:44] Speaker 5: Grail, yep. Yep this is like when we're at a
[1:46:47] Speaker 5: live event and someone asks one of you two about
[1:46:49] Speaker 5: the podcast Of. Verse they're, like, so, WAIT i don't
[1:46:52] Speaker 5: understand the wool Dasher mizzle Knows, manscape, man you gotta,
[1:46:56] Speaker 5: ask you gotta ask the schizophrenic jewe. Man we're just
[1:47:00] Speaker 5: doing a. Podcast it's so Fucking.
[1:47:03] Speaker 4: So there's a guy who like looks, like you, know
[1:47:07] Speaker 4: if you were trying to do a horror version Of
[1:47:12] Speaker 4: alice In wonderland that was also a porn this character
[1:47:16] Speaker 4: would judge her at some.
[1:47:17] Speaker 6: Point.
[1:47:18] Speaker 2: Yeah, now the whole thing was like one of Those
[1:47:20] Speaker 2: christian hell. Houses and if you don't know what hell
[1:47:22] Speaker 2: houses are to the, listeners these Are christian versions or
[1:47:27] Speaker 2: church versions of haunted houses that they will do in
[1:47:31] Speaker 2: the month Of, october except that all of the stuff
[1:47:33] Speaker 2: that you're supposed to be seeing is real and they
[1:47:37] Speaker 2: have this obligatory like fake cave that's usually made out
[1:47:41] Speaker 2: of garbage bags and, spackle and they throw people in
[1:47:45] Speaker 2: red robes and there's a red and brown, floodlight and
[1:47:48] Speaker 2: then they've always got somebody in bad makeup who does
[1:47:50] Speaker 2: the obligatory devil voice where they're, like what should be
[1:47:54] Speaker 2: done with the one who refused the. Mark that's exactly
[1:47:58] Speaker 2: what that scene did for. ME i just, thought oh my,
[1:48:01] Speaker 2: GOD i just went back in. Time, yeah to all
[1:48:03] Speaker 2: of the houses we went.
[1:48:05] Speaker 4: Through that's exactly. What there's just all the leftover ship
[1:48:08] Speaker 4: from The Hell. House, YEAH i made it into the.
[1:48:10] Speaker 3: Movie this is it's just like a debanking, hearing like
[1:48:14] Speaker 3: AND i heard that actually did Happen?
[1:48:17] Speaker 6: Rogan well yeah right, right.
[1:48:20] Speaker 4: Yeah so but then if this IS i guess his, trial,
[1:48:24] Speaker 4: Right they're, like we charge you with not having a
[1:48:26] Speaker 4: tattoo on your. Face And i'm, like, well pretty easy
[1:48:29] Speaker 4: to find him guilty of not having a tattoo on his,
[1:48:31] Speaker 4: FACE i, guess and they do right, away and they
[1:48:34] Speaker 4: sentenced him to death Via, yeah this is.
[1:48:40] Speaker 5: Almost like this is so.
[1:48:41] Speaker 4: Good, yeah this Was it was like something That mario
[1:48:45] Speaker 4: would have to run through right by the, Way Seth
[1:48:47] Speaker 4: mario is a character that runs off stopped.
[1:48:51] Speaker 5: Talking he's An, italian you, See.
[1:48:53] Speaker 3: Seth he's like Something loadrunner.
[1:48:55] Speaker 9: Would so, yeah but they have a swinging guillotine that
[1:49:06] Speaker 9: slowly drops a little bit of the time towards your.
[1:49:09] Speaker 6: Necks but it's a.
[1:49:10] Speaker 4: Pendulum it's it's not going to like actually cut your head.
[1:49:12] Speaker 4: Off it's just gonna slice it a little.
[1:49:14] Speaker 3: Bit, yeah it's just like a mezzaluna, thing, yeah the
[1:49:17] Speaker 3: right right hutter. Thing but it's it's not even on
[1:49:20] Speaker 3: like a normal like analog slow dipping.
[1:49:23] Speaker 5: Device it's like a ratchet.
[1:49:24] Speaker 3: Thing so it just goes down like a, click and it's, like,
[1:49:27] Speaker 3: nope still not hitting his. Neck, okay one more click, Down,
[1:49:30] Speaker 3: nope now it's really. CLOSE i guess, three, Two, okay
[1:49:34] Speaker 3: now we got. It and then cut his head.
[1:49:36] Speaker 2: Off somebody climbed to the top and hand painted six
[1:49:40] Speaker 2: sixty six on the, wood, like, oh it's not deadly
[1:49:44] Speaker 2: until we decorate.
[1:49:45] Speaker 4: It, guys what HAVE i told you about branding the guillotine.
[1:49:50] Speaker 2: The Whole i'm looking at this thing going all, Right,
[1:49:52] Speaker 2: jesus how many moving parts are just to Use abraham's butter,
[1:49:56] Speaker 2: knife BECAUSE i think it will be more efficient than
[1:49:58] Speaker 2: what you're doing. Here oh my.
[1:50:00] Speaker 4: God so, yeah so they had they do, that and
[1:50:03] Speaker 4: then of course he wakes.
[1:50:04] Speaker 6: Up it was all a, dream because, fuck you know.
[1:50:09] Speaker 3: Up, thing if you're just joining us on the, radio
[1:50:12] Speaker 3: it was all a. Dream don't worry about.
[1:50:15] Speaker 2: It there's a, reason by the, way That christian apocalypse
[1:50:18] Speaker 2: films are so focused on. Beheading first of, ALL i
[1:50:21] Speaker 2: think there's kind of a gore porn aspect to. THIS
[1:50:25] Speaker 2: i think there's a lot of THE i THINK i
[1:50:27] Speaker 2: mentioned this, earlier a lot of the apocalyptic. PREACHERS i
[1:50:30] Speaker 2: think this is their way of talking about the ship
[1:50:32] Speaker 2: that really they really get off. On but then they, say,
[1:50:35] Speaker 2: well it's not my, idea but they really enjoy the
[1:50:38] Speaker 2: sort of the dark. Side but if you get Into revelation,
[1:50:42] Speaker 2: twenty it, says AND i saw, thrones and they sat on,
[1:50:45] Speaker 2: them and judgment was. COMMITTED i saw the souls of
[1:50:48] Speaker 2: those who had been beheaded for their witness To. Jesus
[1:50:51] Speaker 2: AND i think this is one of the reasons that
[1:50:53] Speaker 2: we see axes and knives and guillotines and all these you,
[1:50:56] Speaker 2: know sort of pitt in the pendulum type contraptions to
[1:51:00] Speaker 2: Behead i'm not sure why believers have to be, beheaded
[1:51:03] Speaker 2: like it makes them more dead or, something but that's
[1:51:06] Speaker 2: where that comes. From, also a lot of people assume
[1:51:09] Speaker 2: that six sixty six is actually in The. Bible and
[1:51:12] Speaker 2: if you want some real, fun try to watch any
[1:51:16] Speaker 2: explanation from many apologies on why it's gonna maybe be
[1:51:21] Speaker 2: six sixty. Six so, it's, well it's the number of
[1:51:23] Speaker 2: man who was created on the sixth, day or It's
[1:51:26] Speaker 2: satan's mockery of the, trinity so he doubled, three or
[1:51:30] Speaker 2: it's a triangle and what and that has scary pointing,
[1:51:33] Speaker 2: ends and if you have two, triangles that's six sixty.
[1:51:36] Speaker 3: Six, yeah when you're making fun of something and you
[1:51:38] Speaker 3: fucking double it right in their, faces like that is
[1:51:43] Speaker 3: in WHAT i thought it was in The. BIBLE i
[1:51:45] Speaker 3: Assumed i've read, it AND i just ASSUMED i missed.
[1:51:47] Speaker 1: It it is.
[1:51:48] Speaker 5: Insane sixty six is, no it's just they just have
[1:51:50] Speaker 5: to like make shu it.
[1:51:51] Speaker 6: Up, no it says it says like six.
[1:51:52] Speaker 2: Hundred there's a REFERENCE i think in The First king's
[1:51:56] Speaker 2: About solomon he had six hundred and sixty six talents of.
[1:51:59] Speaker 2: Gold the NUMBER i believe is in there when it
[1:52:02] Speaker 2: talks about the number of the beast IS i understand
[1:52:04] Speaker 2: there's not actually a direct. Link so what happens is
[1:52:07] Speaker 2: a lot of these seminary types get together and they
[1:52:09] Speaker 2: start doing this game of twister where they're, like you,
[1:52:13] Speaker 2: know the beast has described In revelation is sometimes described
[1:52:17] Speaker 2: In greek symbolism with the symbol cheesy, stigma which represents the,
[1:52:22] Speaker 2: valuum which may have been six six. Six it's. Crazy so.
[1:52:28] Speaker 4: In our, movie our character's woken. Up now he's realized
[1:52:31] Speaker 4: that the revelation that the rapture hasn't, happened, Right so
[1:52:34] Speaker 4: he calls his, mom you, know just to make, sure
[1:52:36] Speaker 4: just to double. Check but there's no. Answer so he
[1:52:39] Speaker 4: rushes to church just in. TIME i guess he storms
[1:52:44] Speaker 4: and everybody stops churches like the record, needles scratches in
[1:52:47] Speaker 4: the sermon or, whatever and they're.
[1:52:49] Speaker 6: Like, roger what's the. Matter he's, like look at my.
[1:52:52] Speaker 4: MOTHER i GUESS i could have just come in quietly
[1:52:55] Speaker 4: to do, that now THAT i think about, It but.
[1:52:57] Speaker 5: Because that's joining, us your mom's taking a. SHIT i
[1:53:01] Speaker 5: really wanted him to smash the window of the. CHURCH i,
[1:53:05] Speaker 5: KNOW i said church twice and you wouldn't.
[1:53:09] Speaker 2: Proof that this was stage. Though if anybody's been in
[1:53:11] Speaker 2: A baptist, church the first two rows were occupied in the.
[1:53:14] Speaker 2: Film in real, life No baptist ever sits on the
[1:53:17] Speaker 2: front two. ROWS i don't know. Why maybe it's for,
[1:53:20] Speaker 2: deacons or they just want to sit. Back they didn't
[1:53:22] Speaker 2: want to get the stare from Some byron brim.
[1:53:24] Speaker 3: Right you know my shamoo to splash, him or you
[1:53:26] Speaker 3: don't be like one of those Nerd methodists that sit
[1:53:29] Speaker 3: in the.
[1:53:29] Speaker 5: Front.
[1:53:29] Speaker 2: Right they have this, guy they actually find a seat
[1:53:33] Speaker 2: for our, hero and they put him next to this
[1:53:35] Speaker 2: creepy seventy year old woman who can't stop staring at.
[1:53:38] Speaker 2: Him AND i, thought you, Know i'm thinking to, myself
[1:53:41] Speaker 2: she's she's rubbing on this, guy, going you, Know i'd
[1:53:44] Speaker 2: like to get the number to his. Beast that's exactly
[1:53:47] Speaker 2: WHAT i was taking in my.
[1:53:49] Speaker 6: Mind so and then the preacher is, like excuse ME
[1:53:52] Speaker 6: i was. DOING i was?
[1:53:54] Speaker 4: Preaching could everybody look at? Me he actually says that he's,
[1:53:57] Speaker 4: like everybody look at me now, again please?
[1:54:00] Speaker 6: Clap, yeah right.
[1:54:02] Speaker 4: Right he starts preaching, again and all my notes at
[1:54:04] Speaker 4: this point are just, like oh my, god how did
[1:54:06] Speaker 4: you people sit through this shit?
[1:54:08] Speaker 5: Awake?
[1:54:09] Speaker 4: Right, like how in the hell did you make it
[1:54:11] Speaker 4: through week after week of this shit without falling asleep?
[1:54:15] Speaker 6: Visibly?
[1:54:17] Speaker 4: Right but so he's, preaching and apparently Ron ormand thinks
[1:54:20] Speaker 4: the same, thing, right he's, like, ah this is fucking.
[1:54:22] Speaker 4: Boring let's flash back to earlier parts of the movie
[1:54:24] Speaker 4: so that the audience can, go.
[1:54:25] Speaker 6: Oh, wait, yeah what was the point of the bus?
[1:54:27] Speaker 3: Crash what was THE i don't know what we never.
[1:54:32] Speaker 4: Learned we never. Learned why did we Introduce? Dmitri what
[1:54:35] Speaker 4: was that all?
[1:54:36] Speaker 2: About?
[1:54:37] Speaker 6: Right what wasn't he supposed.
[1:54:39] Speaker 3: To become like the head of the un or something
[1:54:41] Speaker 3: like that in most of these movies.
[1:54:43] Speaker 4: Say, eventually, yeah was that part of the? DREAM i
[1:54:46] Speaker 4: why would he dream about that? Part he wasn't in,
[1:54:49] Speaker 4: it you.
[1:54:49] Speaker 2: Know of course we would link a car accident on
[1:54:53] Speaker 2: a dirt road to a one world government and The
[1:54:56] Speaker 2: antichrist takeover the entire. Planet was not tracting we you.
[1:55:01] Speaker 3: Know all extrapolate that they don't need to spell. It
[1:55:04] Speaker 3: that's a good, point that it's good.
[1:55:05] Speaker 5: Writing, well but so.
[1:55:06] Speaker 4: Also you, know and the thing, is of, course obviously
[1:55:08] Speaker 4: the bus crash was included because they'd already filmed that
[1:55:11] Speaker 4: and they needed to use everything they could to get
[1:55:12] Speaker 4: to that sweet fifty six minute. Runtime but they also
[1:55:15] Speaker 4: needed to include this fucking montage right of remember the.
[1:55:19] Speaker 4: Movie so we see a bunch of sayings of, that
[1:55:23] Speaker 4: and then we cut back to The preacher for a.
[1:55:25] Speaker 4: Second he's, like it's like there will be a war
[1:55:27] Speaker 4: between good and, evil and they're, like, oh, yeah, no
[1:55:29] Speaker 4: that's another way we can pad run.
[1:55:31] Speaker 6: Time how about three minutes of public domain war.
[1:55:34] Speaker 3: Footage it's so weird because what we hear in the
[1:55:38] Speaker 3: sermon is there's gonna be this epic war Between god
[1:55:40] Speaker 3: and the one world globalist evil army or. Whatever and
[1:55:44] Speaker 3: then we See vietnam stop, footage like a cut to
[1:55:48] Speaker 3: a war that had finished five years. Earlier there will
[1:55:52] Speaker 3: be wars that are already over any minute. Now and
[1:55:55] Speaker 3: why would The United nations be Attacking god with like
[1:55:59] Speaker 3: regler weapons In.
[1:56:01] Speaker 5: Vietnam none of it makes its.
[1:56:03] Speaker 6: Right who's?
[1:56:03] Speaker 2: YES i think it's like those Old tarzan. Movies you,
[1:56:10] Speaker 2: know they'll show some actor and he's swinging on an
[1:56:12] Speaker 2: obvious indoor set on the fake, mine and all of
[1:56:15] Speaker 2: a sudden to give an era of an air of.
[1:56:18] Speaker 2: Authenticity they just cut away to some stock clip of
[1:56:21] Speaker 2: A National geographic clip of a cheetah running out on the.
[1:56:24] Speaker 2: Savannah it's. Awesome, Yeah so.
[1:56:27] Speaker 4: We watched these war shots for so, long and eventually
[1:56:30] Speaker 4: we resolve on this radio operator and he's yelling for
[1:56:34] Speaker 4: help and he turns over the one of the may
[1:56:36] Speaker 4: dead bodies around him and It's roger with ketchup on his.
[1:56:40] Speaker 2: Face was the implication that he was himself a soldier
[1:56:45] Speaker 2: at some point in original is.
[1:56:47] Speaker 5: Having a flash to the future during the war Against Jesus.
[1:56:52] Speaker 2: Satan which happened In, cambodia.
[1:56:55] Speaker 5: Right, right, yeah, right which will apparently involve rocket fired.
[1:56:59] Speaker 5: Grenade i'm very excited for that part of the whole.
[1:57:02] Speaker 5: War Sword, Mouth jesus is gonna have a hard fucking.
[1:57:05] Speaker 6: Toll you just knock him, Back he'll hit him back
[1:57:08] Speaker 6: with his fucking. Sword, yeah with this.
[1:57:10] Speaker 5: Pickleball, Partner heath and, right that's, right. Everybody.
[1:57:14] Speaker 4: So but after having like you, know thought about both
[1:57:17] Speaker 4: of those montages back to, back of, Course roger realizes
[1:57:20] Speaker 4: it's time to give his life over To. Christ so
[1:57:22] Speaker 4: he takes a knee right in the middle of the dude's,
[1:57:25] Speaker 4: SERMON i guess, right and he has a personal moment With.
[1:57:29] Speaker 4: Jesus we See jesus marching into battle on his horse
[1:57:33] Speaker 4: with all his.
[1:57:33] Speaker 3: Angels, okay this was excellent because we see that for
[1:57:37] Speaker 3: a second and then we get another clip From vietnam,
[1:57:40] Speaker 3: there so like, Theoretically jesus and a squad of angels
[1:57:44] Speaker 3: appear in the sky magically astride beautiful white, horses and
[1:57:49] Speaker 3: one guy from the Fucking United Nations army shoots a bazouk.
[1:57:53] Speaker 5: AT i don't. Know they couldn't handle chariots of. Iron
[1:57:58] Speaker 5: last TIME i want to See, god damn, it, man fuck,
[1:58:02] Speaker 5: you fuck.
[1:58:03] Speaker 4: You so, yeah so but, Yeah jesus stops the war mid.
[1:58:06] Speaker 4: Explosion we actually see like some like explosions just freeze
[1:58:10] Speaker 4: frame and they're, like, oh it Was jesus who did.
[1:58:12] Speaker 4: That and Then roger weepily apologizes To jesus for not Being.
[1:58:16] Speaker 4: Christian yet he says through his, tears he, GOES i
[1:58:20] Speaker 4: don't want to die and go To. Hell so his
[1:58:24] Speaker 4: only stated motivation is fear, right and then the movie
[1:58:28] Speaker 4: wins at. Us it's, like you probably don't want to
[1:58:31] Speaker 4: die and go to. Hell e Theha the end the,
[1:58:37] Speaker 4: end and we get Like Tim green's, contacted but he
[1:58:39] Speaker 4: gives us his fucking. LinkedIn he's, like, huh pretty good.
[1:58:42] Speaker 6: Movie.
[1:58:42] Speaker 4: Huh i'm still alive. Somehow but that's. It so if
[1:58:46] Speaker 4: you're not, convinced you won't be. Convinced And, seth thank
[1:58:50] Speaker 4: you so much for letting us dredge up your old
[1:58:52] Speaker 4: trauma for our.
[1:58:53] Speaker 2: Entertainment oh, dude it's always so good to hang out with, you.
[1:58:56] Speaker 2: GUYS i learned a couple of new phrases THAT i
[1:58:59] Speaker 2: will never ever using in every conversation today Or. Google in,
[1:59:06] Speaker 2: Fact i'm going to erase them from memory if at all, possible.
[1:59:10] Speaker 5: And definitely don't go To Seth andrews cum gutters document stop.
[1:59:14] Speaker 2: It don't say. IT i swear to, you you guys,
[1:59:19] Speaker 2: KNOW i want what a real thrill to be able
[1:59:21] Speaker 2: to hang out with you lovely, people and thanks for.
[1:59:23] Speaker 2: It and honestly this is fun for. Me you, Know
[1:59:27] Speaker 2: christian media is its own, animal and The christian media
[1:59:30] Speaker 2: of that, era mid to late twentieth century stuff is
[1:59:33] Speaker 2: just so ripe for parody and it's a great sort
[1:59:38] Speaker 2: of a microscope into what drove fundamentalism in that time
[1:59:43] Speaker 2: as you, know no one mentioned. IT a lot of
[1:59:46] Speaker 2: it was about. Fear these days you get a lot
[1:59:47] Speaker 2: of The, jolosteine happy Clappy jesus would never send anybody
[1:59:51] Speaker 2: To hell or judge gay people or that kind of,
[1:59:53] Speaker 2: thing this sort Of christianity. Light but this speaks to
[1:59:55] Speaker 2: what happens if you read the Freaking bible literally and
[1:59:59] Speaker 2: preach it, literally which was so common during The Satanic,
[2:00:02] Speaker 2: panic and nineteen eighty was right there When michelle remembers
[2:00:05] Speaker 2: came out a lot of The satanic type. Stuff everything
[2:00:08] Speaker 2: is the End, times everything is a. Sign so to
[2:00:10] Speaker 2: be able to go back and look at this, stuff
[2:00:12] Speaker 2: it really does sort of peel back the layers and
[2:00:14] Speaker 2: expose it for what it. Is AND i think that's
[2:00:16] Speaker 2: a lot of fun, sometimes so thanks for letting me play.
[2:00:18] Speaker 4: Along it's more fun when you're not living through The
[2:00:21] Speaker 4: Satanic panic two point.
[2:00:23] Speaker 6: Zero but, yeah there's a fun trip on memory.
[2:00:25] Speaker 3: Line and thank you for telling us about the. Car
[2:00:28] Speaker 3: is that the name of?
[2:00:29] Speaker 5: It nineteen seventy?
[2:00:29] Speaker 2: Seven oh, Yeah oh IT'S i can't remember if it
[2:00:32] Speaker 2: was a made FOR tv film or if it was
[2:00:34] Speaker 2: an actual theater. Release it is so seventies. Perfect it
[2:00:38] Speaker 2: is so. Seventies but the car itself is. Awesome it is,
[2:00:43] Speaker 2: awesome and IT'S i think the whole film is on,
[2:00:45] Speaker 2: YouTube but if you want to see just the krem
[2:00:48] Speaker 2: de la creme of the, movie the scene that defines,
[2:00:51] Speaker 2: it type in nineteen seventy, seven the car cemetery, scene
[2:00:56] Speaker 2: and you will see the power Of god preventing A
[2:00:58] Speaker 2: Lincoln continental driving over.
[2:01:03] Speaker 6: That, yes, right and then we can do that. One all,
[2:01:06] Speaker 6: Right well you should the.
[2:01:08] Speaker 2: Car if you do the, car you send me that.
[2:01:12] Speaker 3: Link i'm googling right now at auto completed to cemetery.
[2:01:15] Speaker 3: Scene coum, gutters but, Like i'll see what. Happened that's
[2:01:19] Speaker 3: just because we're on the same. Commuters the algorithm is wrong.
[2:01:23] Speaker 4: Depending on what WEBSITES eli doesn't doesn't. Make we'll try
[2:01:26] Speaker 4: to get your back out if we ever do the.
[2:01:28] Speaker 5: Car there's a very intense wrestling match happening over my mouth's.
[2:01:31] Speaker 2: Throw, now, okay that's the, show BUT i got to
[2:01:35] Speaker 2: jump in here at the. END a few weeks after this,
[2:01:38] Speaker 2: Conversation God Awful movies reviewed The, car AND i Guess
[2:01:44] Speaker 2: i'll throw that link in the show notes As wetland
[2:01:47] Speaker 2: in case you want to go and and WHY i
[2:01:49] Speaker 2: think the whole film is on. YouTube it's just. Awesome,
[2:01:52] Speaker 2: okay thanks so much for. Listening thanks to the guys
[2:01:55] Speaker 2: for letting me re broadcast this. Soccer i'll see you
[2:01:59] Speaker 2: back here next.
[2:01:59] Speaker 1: Time Follow The Thinking atheist On facebook And twitter for
[2:02:03] Speaker 1: a complete archive of podcasts and, videos products like mugs
[2:02:07] Speaker 1: and t shirts featuring The Thinking atheist, logo links to
[2:02:10] Speaker 1: atheist pages and, resources and details on upcoming free thought
[2:02:14] Speaker 1: events and. Conventions log onto our, Website The thinkingatheist dot.
[2:02:19] Speaker 1: Com

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.