# DANG members on feminism, inter-religious marriage, online debates | Dear Ife Series Podcast

An episode of [Diary of A Naija Girl](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1888131074), 3 Apr 2026, 1 h 21 min.

Audio: https://episode.flightcast.com/wqy2tbc2l8wljmsxvt7gmjy9.mp3

In this Dear Ife series podcast, Ife sits down with members of the DANG community for a thoughtful and opinion-filled conversation exploring some of today’s most debated social topics. Together they unpack perspectives on religion, personal identity, and the complexities that arise when people from different faiths choose to build a life together through inter-religious marriage. The discussion also touches on how culture, family expectations, and societal norms shape people’s views on relationships and belief systems. Community members share their honest experiences and opinions while reflecting on the role social media plays in amplifying conversations around faith, feminism, and personal choices. It is an open and engaging dialogue that invites reflection, diverse perspectives, and meaningful conversation. Watch the episode and share your thoughts in the comments because the conversation is not complete without your voice. And do not forget to like, share, and subscribe. Chapters 00:00 - Welcome to the Dear Ife Series podcast 01:51 - Introducing the community members 05:42 - Breaking stereotypes: intelligence and being covered 06:44 - Why a muslim parent chose catholic schooling 08:43 - Spirituality vs. religion: dismantling fear & guilt 13:08 - Finding the balance: truth and love in conversation 16:51 - The story of the teenage daughter 21:22 - The "Chargity" guy: dealing with emotional manipulation 23:38 - Understanding projection and being firm in yourself 26:34 - The power of positive associations and female friendships 32:55 - How islam accommodates feminism and women's rights 39:55 - Loud feminism vs. biblical context for women preachers 48:38 - Finding who you are beneath therubble of trauma 59:50 - The story: a christian woman in love with a muslim man 01:02:49 - Navigating inter-religious marriage 01:10:20 - Marriage, destiny and consistency 01:19:12 - Closing remarks and gifts Want more visual podcasts from DANG? SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/@diaryofanaijagirl #DANG #DiaryofaNaijaGirl #DANGWithIfe About Diary of a Naija Girl Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) is an online community, founded and managed by Ifedayo Agoro, to inspire women across the world through creative storytelling. Back in 2015, it started as an online diary, sharing the everyday adventures of an anonymous Nigerian woman. Fast forward nine years, and it has become a tribe of incredible women, living their best lives one story at a time. DANG is a safe space for women to be unapologetically themselves, a family that laughs, learns and lifts each other, from Lagos to every corner of the world. About Ifedayo Agoro An entrepreneur, creative writer, content creator, content marketer and media strategist, Ifedayo Agoro is the founder of Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) and DANG Lifestyle, a premium home and body care production company, which she launched in Nigeria in 2020. Ifedayo is passionate about social responsibility and philanthropy. She sponsors several young residents at Little Saints Orphanage and partners with Lots Charity Foundation, a non-governmental aid organisation. Connect with DANG Online: Like DANG on FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/3xLjCkU Follow DANG on TWITTER: https://bit.ly/4aBgy9I Follow DANG on INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/4ay4Axu Follow DANG on LINKEDIN: https://bit.ly/3JhGpHM

## Transcript

[0:01] I don't see any reason why a woman who is not a feminist should say I am.
[0:05] Are you sure they understand the meaning of that word?
[0:07] Oh my God!
[0:09] There are men who just don't like my comments.
[0:12] There are men who just don't want...
[0:15] Why is she preaching?
[0:16] The fact that I can articulate my words is a problem.
[0:19] Your points are very clear.
[0:20] It's a problem for a lot of people.
[0:21] They struggle with it.
[0:22] And you don't back down.
[0:23] Yeah.
[0:24] How does our religion accommodate feminism?
[0:26] Through the Bible, you would see man, you know, but if you read several versions, you would understand that the man is talking to humankind, not just the male people.
[0:39] My husband cannot say I should come and pay school fees with him.
[0:41] He's not done.
[0:42] My money is my money.
[0:43] His money is for all of us.
[0:45] He has to provide everything we need.
[0:46] And this is according to Islam.
[0:48] That is what Islam says.
[0:49] The guy doesn't seem as rich as the father.
[0:52] She got married and changed her name.
[0:54] That's her choice.
[0:55] And people say, you did what?
[0:56] Who are the people saying what?
[1:12] Hi, everybody.
[1:13] Welcome to another episode of the Dear Efes series.
[1:17] Here is a safe space where you can bring your story.
[1:20] We will talk about it with our amazing, thoughtful, kind guests.
[1:24] And hopefully from everything that we say, you find a silver lining in your troubles.
[1:29] Also know that you're not alone.
[1:31] Everything you're going through, someone else may have gone through it or have an idea, you know, about it today.
[1:38] Today, not today.
[1:40] Does it fit this song I'm singing?
[1:41] Because I have amazing special guests as usual, but no, not really as usual.
[1:47] Very special because these are part of family members.
[1:51] DAN Community members are in the house today everybody.
[1:58] To my close right is Evangelist.
[2:04] Are you not an Evangelist?
[2:05] You are an Evangelist.
[2:06] Evangelist Chito is in the house.
[2:09] Thank you for having me.
[2:12] To the far right is our momiji of DAN Community.
[2:16] The reading mom, very kind, very thoughtful, very nurturing.
[2:22] thank you for coming thank you for having me to my left our madam stanley oh where's my gift that
[2:28] she brought i would have shown you guys our madam stanley flask i have to ask for your reading
[2:33] because nowhere did we see it we searched we didn't find it i said well wait why am i calling
[2:38] out stanley every time i say i've been called stanley i said what that's my name i think
[2:41] pedro edry is my name okay popularly known and called stanley flags yeah yeah i actually prefer
[2:47] to be called stanley flags because that's a brand very close to my heart and i know that with the
[2:52] popularity that brand has garnered over the years i want to be recognized as a brand in nigeria
[3:07] i love it welcome guys thank you i'm so excited to have you guys excited nice to meet you oh
[3:13] when you when you saw your name when i said mention the people you want to be
[3:20] i was like how did you feel i was like oh my god you weren't expecting that like me yeah oh wait
[3:27] you weren't expecting it well i thought a few people would mention me for where but it was a lot
[3:33] it was a lot it was a lot of people yeah yeah how about you how did you feel um no finance i didn't
[3:40] i usually see your posts yeah but i didn't see that one yeah so i think i had a post up so i was
[3:45] getting into i thought it was my your own post that was then i opened and i was like still the
[3:51] right then my sister who hardly comments she's in canada yeah she just wrote my name that's how
[3:57] i also win because i know that she doesn't really comment but actually because you are always there
[4:05] anytime she opens your page she's my own so yeah it just it felt good because i thought
[4:10] enough i didn't even share with my community because they were not my community yeah they
[4:13] would have just gone to bombay but the fact that it was down community members saying that yeah
[4:19] doing something of course it was not oh she's as she's kind like my sister
[4:28] how about you how did you feel yeah well for me i didn't say coming honestly because most times when
[4:32] make a comment on any post i just drop my comments and i go like i told them almost always distracted
[4:37] online so if i see any post i need to make a comment or whatever i just so it was later i
[4:42] started getting the tags and i went back okay i tagged them veronica's daughter like i always see
[4:46] her post then i see your post but i barely know these people except veronica's daughter so i had
[4:50] to go back when i was saying the title let me go and look for this so when the milk i was like oh
[4:55] I need someone to be like me.
[4:57] Definitely.
[4:58] I mean, your comments are so sharp.
[5:01] And one of the things that shocked me,
[5:04] I don't know if I can say shocked,
[5:05] your comments don't,
[5:07] so when people comment a lot,
[5:08] I go and check their pages.
[5:10] Yes, because I just want to have a deeper,
[5:13] and that way my comments kind of changes as well
[5:16] when I'm talking to the person later.
[5:17] You kind of see that I speak like I know you more.
[5:20] So that makes it different.
[5:22] So I went to your page.
[5:24] I can't remember the post, I was like, these comments.
[5:27] Because sometimes, your comments are sometimes funny,
[5:30] sometimes really thoughtful, really sharp.
[5:34] I don't know how to explain.
[5:34] Just intelligence.
[5:36] Yes, for size and tenure.
[5:38] Who be that?
[5:39] Now she be this.
[5:40] Now you be this.
[5:41] And then I saw you, I was like, oh, you're actually, you know, covered.
[5:45] I couldn't, have you gotten that before?
[5:47] That people don't really...
[5:48] Can't marry both.
[5:49] Yes, can't marry both.
[5:50] Yeah.
[5:51] Why do you think so?
[5:53] I don't want to say it's a stereotype.
[5:56] Yes, it is a stereotype.
[5:58] You know, because even for people that will know you physically, sometimes they'll tell you,
[6:02] you reason differently, you do things differently.
[6:05] Like, who was asking me now, why do my kids have to go to a Catholic school when I'm a Muslim?
[6:09] Am I not looking like a Muslim?
[6:11] It's about value for me.
[6:12] So, you know, most times people sometimes think when you are covered, maybe you are less intelligent.
[6:18] But I don't think that is what it is.
[6:20] For me, what informs my contribution on the platform most times would be mostly maybe experience.
[6:28] Mostly experience that I've had with people over the years or just wisdom.
[6:34] My thought flow, the way it comes, I just put it out there.
[6:38] So it doesn't have to be right all of the time.
[6:40] Sometimes it might not be.
[6:42] So that's just what it is for me, really.
[6:44] Your children are in Catholic schools.
[6:46] Oh, yeah.
[6:47] Are they Catholic?
[6:48] No.
[6:49] Is that allowed?
[6:50] Catholics do not discriminate, number one.
[6:53] Catholics don't preach religion.
[6:55] Even as a Pentecostal, if you go to a Catholic school,
[6:58] you are not mandated to perform their Catholic whatever with them.
[7:04] And for me, globally, we've had that research.
[7:06] Catholic education all over the world, when we're talking about Western education, is very solid.
[7:12] That's why we have people, everybody's struggling to go into Catholic schools.
[7:17] So we have been able to identify that as a parent,
[7:20] in fact, as a waiting parent over the years.
[7:22] And we decided, my husband actually went to
[7:24] a Catholic school in his own days,
[7:25] and we decided it's going to be a Catholic school.
[7:29] And for me, it's been good.
[7:30] I've had my child, my first went to
[7:32] St. Francis Catholic School in Edimu, very good school.
[7:35] That was the first Jesuit school in Nigeria.
[7:37] For me, it's not just Catholic anyway,
[7:39] it has to be the Jesuit school.
[7:40] If you know the Catholic hierarchy,
[7:43] the Jesuits are like the most intelligent set of fathers.
[7:47] So it has to be Jesuit school.
[7:48] So I've done St. Francis Catholic, Idimu.
[7:51] I've done Loyola Jesuit Abuja.
[7:53] I'm currently in Jesuit Memorial in Port Harcourt.
[7:56] And I have a retirement benefit.
[7:57] I don't know which of it you end up getting.
[8:01] But for me, Catholic, I want my children to see life, you know, in a different way.
[8:07] It's not, we are Muslim, we take the values from home, what we believe in.
[8:10] But I want them to live with other people, to experience life in other ways,
[8:14] not just the way we see it at home.
[8:16] And for me, it's been fine.
[8:18] Honestly, it's been fine.
[8:20] And that creates a balance, even in the way they think, even in the way they reason.
[8:24] They know that there are other people.
[8:26] They appreciate and respect other people for their religion, for their beliefs, you know, for the way they do their things.
[8:33] So that for me is a plus.
[8:35] You don't have to see it in one way.
[8:38] It is a plus.
[8:39] So that's why we do that.
[8:41] Thank you.
[8:43] Evangelist, I come to you.
[8:45] you are so against religion you hate it so much coming from that
[8:52] not really i get what i'm trying to say you want spirituality you talk about the depth of it you
[8:58] know why are you so passionate about that i mean you've got it worse are you aware that you've got
[9:01] it worse it's like she took that from here she just went off as i said she's you know what this
[9:06] matter the way you let me tell you what happened one day i went to my my notification i saw
[9:10] Tito, Tito, Tito.
[9:11] Who is she arguing with?
[9:13] Only for me to...
[9:13] That argument was big.
[9:14] It was tough.
[9:15] Somebody said,
[9:16] oh, you don't have to be...
[9:17] You don't have to be...
[9:19] What do you say?
[9:20] That only your parents
[9:21] can give you that...
[9:22] You don't have to go to church
[9:23] to be married.
[9:23] Your parents will give you
[9:25] consent to.
[9:26] It didn't stop her.
[9:28] This thing happened
[9:28] for two weeks.
[9:31] So it wasn't only the person,
[9:32] you know,
[9:33] another person coming.
[9:35] At the time,
[9:35] I still had to write a letter.
[9:36] I didn't even have time.
[9:38] At the time,
[9:38] but for me,
[9:39] religion when i say religion i'm talking about from the perspective of i'm doing this right or
[9:45] beliefs or mostly things that you do in hopes that this is what i have to do to please god
[9:53] from the standpoint of a christian and that's what is sold you know and it's not true if you are if
[9:59] you have christ in your inside god is at his best with you right and a lot of these things we think
[10:06] is just it's just fasting now and it's just not now we're not ascending through portals and channels
[10:13] you know it's in all realms you know but the thing is i i work with i have a bible study community
[10:19] i have i have a tribe i have you know so i i get these things go deeper than oh i'm just just
[10:26] something i can just preach you are damaging somebody you are really damaging somebody's
[10:30] path with god um and i i i just can't stand for it i've never been one to stand for oppression
[10:38] one of my favorite scriptures in life is the lord hates injustice the lord hates um the execute
[10:44] judgment for them that are oppressed and i think that's one of god's nature that i have if i see
[10:48] that somebody's being oppressed whether or not i like you know what's funny whether or not the
[10:52] person and i agree just because the person is being oppressed yeah after that ghost is walking
[10:59] on me i thought we would not greet ourselves after that but you'll be so shocked because you would
[11:05] think i was doing it for you i wasn't but i just can't stand oppression how does religion oppress
[11:12] so i mean it sells you a lesser identity you have you're less um you are not who god says you are
[11:19] you are what the society says you are because number one to say i'm doing this so that god
[11:25] will love me is to say that i'm not loved by god and that god's love is premeditation on what i do
[11:31] right so that's number one a false identity god loves you the same way he loves jesus right and
[11:37] religion tells you a less identity religion uses three major major tools fear shame guilt
[11:43] you have to be you are ashamed because of this thing that you did um which you will always do
[11:48] which we all will earn in one way or the other now you're ashamed you're afraid you're going to hell
[11:54] or that um if you touch his anointed is coming for you you are if you speak about the prophets
[12:00] the king is coming to all those you know then there's guilt and shame is an identity guilt is
[12:06] is dead guilt is and i feel bad because i made a mistake shame is i am a mistake because i made a
[12:11] mistake and again less identity right um so it puts people in a box is a you just keep trying
[12:19] and you keep and you keep and you just never meet up you can't meet up you can't because exactly
[12:24] if that's how it is and that's what jesus said that's what um apostle paul said as well but if
[12:31] if we could do it then jesus christ died in vain we can't do it do you understand so i mean that
[12:36] that's that's for me yeah i know who you are of course it doesn't mean that you should do anything
[12:41] and just go ahead but there's a spirit in man and that's it once you are a believer you've accepted
[12:48] the life of christ then the life inside would show out what is a transition formation process right
[12:55] so yeah i will sell that but not it doesn't you don't do it because if i don't press it you know
[13:00] what thanks i don't like that funny i know over to you there's something i read every time you
[13:14] comment it's like a restraint sometimes you want to i i feel like you want to say my dear my dear
[13:21] have sense i feel like i was like but i also feel the let me be let me say it you still say it but
[13:28] you know you know softly you know softly should i say this in a subtle way like now wow is this
[13:34] what we are doing here you know but i also i see that restraint that you try to to put out there
[13:42] in making sure that i still see my say my truth but i say it's in the kindest we post you know
[13:48] yes because well the bible says we should say this truth in love yeah so um there's a devotional i
[13:55] use a bible in one year devotional by nico gumbel says something about um i can't remember exactly
[14:01] how he sees it but how um truth can be hardened if not said with love and love can be wishy-washy
[14:11] without truth in it so it's trying to find that balance and somebody said something to me years
[14:17] back which resonates so well with me that christianity is that when when the when the
[14:24] person's interpretation of that in narrow ways like you're trying to maintain that balance not
[14:28] falling to one extreme or another extreme because many times people want to you know people want to
[14:34] come from this extreme and then they just go all the way off to the other extreme so just find that
[14:41] balance so i strive it's a daily thing i strive to just find that balance and well the way i was
[14:48] raised i was i grew up in australia states where people could talk and abuse and curse
[14:55] but we knew how they did
[14:56] big break and this was yes my mom really maybe well she is not sure but so she wasn't really
[15:03] that kind of person and so i actually do not really know how to abuse or curse people so
[15:10] sometimes i'm actually so angry but i don't even know what to say
[15:15] i just try really try to just maintain that balance of correcting in love you know saying
[15:20] the truth but in love so that maintain that balance what topic is it that you cannot find
[15:27] the balance like you you refuse to find a balance like this is a staunch belief that i will not go
[15:35] try and give you niceness the bible and jesus there's no for me anything that i believe is
[15:42] the truth according to the bible according to what jesus has said that one i cannot i'm not
[15:49] open-minded about that yes at all anything and actually whatever whenever i want to drop any
[15:56] comments anything i'm thinking about i always think it's through the lenses of the bible i
[16:01] believe that everything is in the bible yeah may not be he may not be like literal or in black and
[16:08] white and everything but everything i believe is represented in the bible when even when i read
[16:14] motivational books i still read it through the lens of the bible so everything i do i do through
[16:19] the lens of the bible so that's where so i'm still i'm open-minded i get other people's perspective i
[16:25] get this opinion by the end of the day what for me the it's just like is a is a is a rock right
[16:33] the solid rock that's a foundation so every other thing whatever it is it has to be on that
[16:37] foundation it can go in different ways it can be several perspectives but let's not lose sight of
[16:43] the foundation the foundation so that's solid for me absolutely every time i'm curious when i see
[16:49] comments when i see you guys outside when we're outside i always are so i'm always so curious to
[16:55] know what do you remember the first time you joined the community for me will be the story
[17:01] of that young girl that young lady the one that was an only child that ended up with a drug
[17:07] the third boyfriend.
[17:09] I was going to ask you about her.
[17:11] That, you know,
[17:13] being a mom of teenagers
[17:16] about going to uni,
[17:18] it set so much fire in me.
[17:20] Like, all my arms became like this.
[17:24] Sometimes,
[17:26] children get into wrong hands,
[17:28] not because they want to.
[17:30] You know,
[17:30] you could find yourself
[17:32] in some situations by association.
[17:34] So that became a very,
[17:35] very important thing for me and I kept telling everybody around me that has teenagers see we
[17:41] all want the best for our children number one study your children really well it is not every
[17:47] child just like I tell people my children go to boarding houses I'm fine with it it is not every
[17:52] child that can go to a boarding house understand your child first yeah then provide the basic thing
[17:59] that will assist that child.
[18:02] Number two, it is not every child
[18:04] that should school outside Nigeria
[18:07] for whatever it is.
[18:09] It is not even every child
[18:10] that should school far away from home.
[18:12] Some you have to,
[18:14] as in you have to be really like
[18:15] you are beside them.
[18:16] You are walking the walk with them.
[18:18] Yes, you pray.
[18:19] Yes, you teach.
[18:21] But sometimes the pressure out there
[18:23] is beyond them.
[18:25] So the story of that girl said
[18:27] something else in me
[18:29] almost making me to be, each time
[18:31] at night I'll be calling my son
[18:33] in school, where are you?
[18:33] Put it on camera.
[18:34] I want to see you.
[18:35] And he's like, mommy, why?
[18:36] Why are you becoming afraid?
[18:37] I said, I just want to.
[18:39] Every time I was so
[18:41] restless, like
[18:43] how could a child
[18:45] with so much promise
[18:47] just go the other way
[18:49] because of a wrong association?
[18:51] So because of that
[18:53] I was all, midnight
[18:54] I just left him now that he's
[18:57] almost 400 level.
[18:58] I will not align with turn on your camera mommy what is that I say no then luckily for me was
[19:03] meant to go to school in Germany then he woke up one day I said mommy I don't want to go again I
[19:07] said thank God I'm telling you because number one I don't enjoy flying everywhere so because if my
[19:13] child has to go to school I don't see myself staying in Nigeria for six months without doing
[19:18] without that check say mommy I've changed my mind what what what what what is it going to cost us
[19:23] if I pull out at this point it was a scholarship and we've paid the other part I said nothing
[19:28] probably they will just give us part of what we have paid we'll lose some money said will you be
[19:31] angry i said angry answer me you know you know i'll start you know then you know so sometimes
[19:40] these kind of stories is not just about the contribution you are making it is for you to
[19:44] assess and analyze your own self your own family your own environment and be able to take some
[19:50] decisions at that point in time so the story of that lady but today i said i was going to ask you
[19:54] how is she doing you know yeah how is she doing and hope her parents are fine you can imagine an
[19:58] only child you know they have been probably their little life and everything just went the other way
[20:04] you know so that particular story is it for me amazing i mean couldn't have been easy for her
[20:09] i mean i didn't talk about it but i did go see her parents in banana island when i came
[20:14] and the mom was also happy and you know so grateful because at the end of the day you can
[20:20] do your best and then as a prayer honestly like you have done everything you can do everything
[20:27] right and something will still go wrong so that's why it doesn't even stop you from blaming yourself
[20:33] even though you know that you've done the best yes yes so which which you know just gave me
[20:38] me give me this eye opener like sometimes you just can't there's nothing just just pray because after
[20:44] you have done your best just that's what i tell people on your knees you play your parts yes but
[20:51] pray that prayer pray fervently yeah do your part do everything you can do but pray that you are not
[20:59] tested on your children yeah she's doing really well remember i think it was after my engagement
[21:08] video that she called me that's the last time we spoke but i still see her comments i mean yes i
[21:12] she replied to our comments that's fine yeah you know we still see her but she's fine yes yes
[21:17] she's never happened to any child amen amen amen how about you i think um because of my training as
[21:26] a counselor i once i see the story i read it i forget but the recent one usually when you see
[21:32] that i respond with a prayer it's not in law when you see that i'm right there's one there was a
[21:39] reason why i said father in the name of jesus because it was the story of a guy it was a very
[21:45] recent story a lady who i mean she traveled abroad the guy came back he left then he came back and
[21:53] then he broke up with her and started calling her names but i think he has to use charge
[21:56] ppc yeah you start gbt but i i could feel it yes give me back what i gave you give us
[22:02] never but what actually moved me was she was feeling like she did something wrong
[22:12] but when you read that you just said so if there was no charge you cannot compose that's not how
[22:18] to be my response to the person but for me i could sense me she felt did i do something and you know
[22:26] that spoke a lot more to something going on with her again my training there's something going on
[22:31] deep inside that number one makes our track says such kind of person and the two will make you feel
[22:37] bad i mean i i always joke that i did said the two of disciples but we married jesus i decided
[22:42] you guys scarred too there was a couple of them yeah they're there but in the process they were
[22:49] there you know you've got a lot when the least way says okay so for the next two years you're gonna
[22:52] keep quiet you stay to yourself you stay with me for now thank you stay with me because this
[23:00] stress is enough i'm talking three days yeah i'm glad three days i'm done with that one weekend
[23:06] one month three months yeah you know so i i when i see that i i put myself in her shoes i've been
[23:12] there yeah you know so i just knew that at that point it's only everyone i think i think i feel
[23:17] like she knows but the feeling of but i still feel like maybe i don't know don't we always know we
[23:25] always know so i said as two parallel lines going on opposite direction father lost separate them
[23:32] because why is he angry why exactly
[23:36] I see it in your captions.
[23:39] You would have written your own.
[23:42] Your own gives a clue.
[23:46] He's giving whiplash or something.
[23:49] He's giving like, gosh, what is this guy saying?
[23:53] And you know, sometimes I try not to say anything.
[23:55] Simply because I know that what I say will be a cue for the commenters to come.
[23:59] But some things are too strong for me to say like, this is what you...
[24:04] Because at the end of the day, I still write to the person privately.
[24:06] Always.
[24:06] Always.
[24:07] But see, in case, because some people don't see my privates to that person.
[24:13] But in case you are going through it, please understand.
[24:15] This can never ever be okay.
[24:17] You know, and for somebody like that, when you say the kind of person she attracts,
[24:21] maybe we'll say the kind of person she attracted later.
[24:24] Because initially, that person may not have come like that.
[24:29] Yes.
[24:29] So I always give grace to say, you attracted this person not knowing how they were.
[24:35] But I think it's something more about her, her feelings.
[24:39] You know, there's a way you feel and you project that feeling on people around you.
[24:44] And the way you project your feelings on people around you is the way they see you.
[24:48] Yeah.
[24:48] Go deeper for me there.
[24:49] Like if you, like the one that looks happy or you try to be carefree,
[24:56] you live your life, you don't care what people say or do,
[24:59] people around you see you like that.
[25:01] They say, oh, that's who she is.
[25:04] That's the perception they have of you.
[25:07] But on the other side, if you are that person
[25:11] that wants to give excuse for everything,
[25:13] maybe it's not like that.
[25:15] For things that are very obvious, you excuse everything.
[25:19] Okay.
[25:20] So that's what I'm saying is from her.
[25:22] So the guy probably saw her as somebody that's a composer or his...
[25:25] Most likely, yes.
[25:27] Because it's what you accept.
[25:28] You know, people will, yes.
[25:29] People will take advantage of that.
[25:31] People will definitely try.
[25:32] So that's why you came back.
[25:34] Because why you came back?
[25:36] You should be firm and know what you want out of life.
[25:39] It is either I want this or I don't want it.
[25:42] Sometimes for, I wouldn't know the age of the person,
[25:44] probably for younger people, some out of experience.
[25:47] You know, this relationship thing we are talking about too,
[25:49] stems from experience.
[25:51] You said you've seen Judas, you've seen this experience.
[25:54] andrew you you you you might not be able to compare the experience you have with somebody
[25:59] who's you know who's just starting off you know so it might be the age it might be just what
[26:05] she has seen in her life she can't say whether this is the right way should be done this is the
[26:10] wrong way should be done so she doesn't probably and you never know what background she's coming
[26:14] from the background could be and that is how they do it now which was an orphan something
[26:19] So the guy also took advantage.
[26:23] So the thing is, she just needs to raise up, you know, get to talk to more people, make friends with people who are older and sensible.
[26:30] Make friends.
[26:31] Reasonable friends.
[26:33] Reasonable friends.
[26:34] I wrote a letter to my best friend today, my best friend of 30 years.
[26:38] Sorry, sorry.
[26:39] Is that only me?
[26:40] How did I?
[26:41] Excuse me.
[26:42] Wait, wait.
[26:44] At some point you said university.
[26:46] I'm like, I don't understand.
[26:47] She's now the most best friend of 30 years.
[26:49] Explain to us, where do we start this?
[26:51] And the other time she told me about her age was...
[26:55] Almost 400.
[26:56] Yeah.
[26:57] I thought she was like, when she clocked 45, I...
[26:59] Oh, she said so.
[27:00] She said so at one point.
[27:01] She clocked 45.
[27:02] I'm matching to 50.
[27:03] I'm matching to 45.
[27:04] She did say.
[27:05] I think you can see me like this.
[27:06] Wow.
[27:07] No, so what I'm saying, let's go back to the discussion.
[27:08] Let's go back to the discussion.
[27:09] No, no, that's fine.
[27:10] That's fine.
[27:11] She could know how you like.
[27:12] So like, I was writing them.
[27:13] That's fine.
[27:13] She could know how you like.
[27:14] I was writing them.
[27:16] You know, I just felt like writing to my best friend.
[27:19] Nothing happened.
[27:20] She's my best friend, though.
[27:21] We don't get to see all the time.
[27:23] But she's that friend that is just there.
[27:26] You know, so Ibirunka, this is for you.
[27:28] So I wrote it there.
[27:30] I said, it wasn't just, she was my friend since the days in the university, since 1995.
[27:38] Then I said it wasn't just the association, it was the experiences.
[27:46] The impact?
[27:47] The impact, the exposure.
[27:49] You know, Ruankari is a Christian, I'm a Muslim.
[27:52] You know, and the funny thing is we pray like she does vigil, I pray tajud.
[28:00] In our little space, I was going to school from home anyway, then I had to put up with
[28:05] her when my daddy died.
[28:07] In a little space, Runke is waking up 3 a.m. She'll tell me,
[28:10] could you wake me up?
[28:11] She's waking up to do her rosary.
[28:13] She's praying.
[28:14] I'm equally praying
[28:15] and reading my Quran.
[28:16] Runke was that friend.
[28:17] You know, aside from that, she got married.
[28:20] She had exposure.
[28:21] My friend lived in BGC.
[28:22] I was born and bred in Aggege.
[28:25] So you can
[28:25] see.
[28:26] So my friend gave me a lot of exposure, positive ones.
[28:29] She'll tell me, I know you
[28:30] don't have money to buy.
[28:31] Let me go and show you where you will buy when you have money.
[28:33] that's your long long skirt this is the shop when you start making money this is where you come you
[28:37] know so association too helps the people around here you know so today i just sat back i was
[28:42] thinking i said i know a lot of things too even though i'm not a fashion fashion kind of person
[28:47] but you know i can tell people you can get this from here how do you get to know all this stuff
[28:57] this you know she will take me to all these places you know to say hey i know you don't
[29:01] have the money to deal with that's fantastic yeah this is where you yeah this is where you come and
[29:08] buy when you have the money okay let me buy one for you today and she was that friend so when you
[29:12] have good people around you they shape you she needs to that's why i say she needs not just
[29:17] friends because some friends don't know any better good good version of us making the same friends
[29:23] actually think i think it's very very important for well i will speak to the ladies very very
[29:29] important for ladies to be able to have a solid foundation of female relationships before you
[29:38] go into the male you know my dating or culture marriage relationship is very very important
[29:44] like she said the sharing experiences the exposure to different things to even know what is right
[29:51] and what is not right and of course um the wider associations like your church a good church
[29:58] whatever religious association all those seminars just just have one or two good
[30:06] Yes.
[30:07] That's what I'm going to say.
[30:08] Preferably if they are older, that would be fine.
[30:10] I have older friends too.
[30:12] But there is my peer, you know, where he meets and you know that.
[30:15] But I think it's just good to have access.
[30:17] But you know the older ones, so all those experiences.
[30:19] The older ones, you can learn a lot from them.
[30:21] The good ones.
[30:22] Because so it's not every older person too that has things to say.
[30:25] Of course.
[30:25] Not every older person has things to say.
[30:29] Because I'm older.
[30:31] No, no, no.
[30:34] Just pray to God to associate you with good people.
[30:36] That's very, very important.
[30:38] Just pray.
[30:39] And let me tell you, some are younger and wiser.
[30:41] As you're praying, you have to be listening.
[30:43] You have to be a good friend too.
[30:45] Yeah, because then, not only be a good friend, yes,
[30:48] but also be listening.
[30:49] Because when you pray, I'm going to say,
[30:51] now your friend be this, but the person is nowhere to be.
[30:54] Exactly.
[30:55] It's not happening.
[30:56] Thank you.
[30:56] Because for me and my friends, we're like,
[30:58] we're like, what was this?
[30:59] It doesn't fix the aesthetics that you think that, yeah.
[31:02] No, that's very true because for me and my friends were like, Ronke is that, you know, cheek, you know.
[31:08] You understand what I'm saying?
[31:09] She sells jewelry.
[31:10] She's me, Ijabite.
[31:12] I go my way, you know.
[31:13] So even for our wedding.
[31:15] Hi, Ronke.
[31:18] Ronke, this is for you.
[31:19] You know, even on our wedding day, we had other friends in school that would be on a bridal train.
[31:24] I will not be on the bridal train because it's hot those days, you know.
[31:28] You know what my friend did?
[31:29] She gave me money.
[31:30] I didn't even have money to buy the outfit.
[31:31] she gave me one simple to go to the jewish and you know what i did i got everything
[31:36] perfect even my job was matching their hearts you know so he never leaves me behind
[31:43] you know so that is what a friend i'll carry you along and help you
[31:48] page what is relationships in this one that no one is working i don't even want to know
[31:52] the process again just give me results when you are ready i'm tired of meeting different people
[31:56] I just want results.
[31:57] Leave the process.
[31:58] You know?
[31:59] You just need, just pray to have to be able to identify the good person.
[32:03] Like she said, it might not come in the form you expect.
[32:06] It might not be from your church.
[32:08] It might not be from your mosque.
[32:10] That's the truth.
[32:11] It might not be from your tribe.
[32:13] It might just be one.
[32:14] It might not be from your tribe.
[32:15] I have people in my life that you even think they are my families.
[32:18] They are my big aunties.
[32:19] We are not related in any way.
[32:21] But they have become family because I choose them as my own.
[32:24] And they chose me too.
[32:25] us love makes us family exactly there are people that you are actually related to that may not be
[32:30] your good friends sure so many people do not like you so many people like so let's not even
[32:37] it's okay we'll meet at family i'm so sorry to interrupt what you're watching but many of you
[32:43] have not subscribed i know you want to subscribe but you sometimes forget or you're enjoying it
[32:47] too much you move on right after so take a few seconds click the subscribe button let's continue
[32:55] There's a question that's been burning on my mind as soon as we picked you guys.
[32:59] I cannot wait to ask you guys this question.
[33:02] How does our religion accommodate feminism?
[33:07] Over to you first.
[33:10] I think for me, this feminism is, well, whether misinterpreted or misconstrued, or whichever it is.
[33:22] For me as a Muslim, there are the basic expectations, like I'm talking as a married person now,
[33:28] of a man in a relationship or in a marriage or in a home.
[33:32] Then these are the things you have to do for your woman or your wife to do this.
[33:38] So when you do this, it's easier for your wife to submit to your leadership
[33:43] because by the laws of God, the man is the head of the family.
[33:48] So Islam says provide food, shelter, clothing.
[33:52] Are you providing that before you are seeking to be the head?
[33:57] In a situation where you are not making these provisions,
[33:59] can we still say you are the head?
[34:01] Because that's your God-given role, for instance.
[34:04] Then for the women, for the feminism of a thing,
[34:08] Islam allows you to have your own money.
[34:10] Islam allows you to have your own property,
[34:12] to have your own things.
[34:13] In fact, as a Muslim, you are not supposed to change your name
[34:15] to your husband's name.
[34:17] You are called by your father's name.
[34:19] So Islam empowers women so much.
[34:22] so so much the only thing islam expects from you as a woman is to respect your husband and to live
[34:28] within the dictates of the dean which is these are the things you are supposed to do to your
[34:34] for your husband as a wife you cannot say there's no 50 50 in islam or as a muslim no 50 50 we don't
[34:40] share 50 50 100 you are the man 100 you pick your abuse yes that's islam if you don't have 100
[34:48] percent to your capacity and capability if like okay this is what i have for this it may not be
[34:56] enough for me as your wife fine but you take your bill i can always make these hundred percent yeah
[35:02] that is his own represent but i can augment but it's not under compulsion for me to do it
[35:08] it's not that compulsion my husband cannot say i should come and pay school fees with him he's not
[35:11] done my money is my money his money is for all of us he has to provide everything and this is
[35:16] according to Islam.
[35:17] That is what Islam says.
[35:19] My parents catered for me.
[35:20] They fed me.
[35:21] They housed me.
[35:22] So you should
[35:22] be able to give me sin.
[35:24] In fact, Islamically, you are supposed to marry,
[35:27] you are encouraged to marry within
[35:28] the same status.
[35:31] Because you can't pick a child from Banana Island
[35:33] and take her to my aggege.
[35:35] No, yes.
[35:36] How will she survive?
[35:37] You can't pick a child that has grown
[35:38] with having maids and chefs
[35:40] and everybody around to asking her to come and
[35:42] do her laundry by herself or ask her to come and start washing
[35:44] your clothes because you are the man.
[35:46] No.
[35:47] So, Islamically, feminism is there.
[35:49] And for me, my own interpretation of feminism in this context is that a woman is entitled to her own money.
[35:55] You can have your own money.
[35:56] You can do whatever you like with your own money.
[35:57] You can have your own things.
[35:59] But if you are with your husband and he's playing his part, you submit to his leadership.
[36:02] But that does not mean he's going to bring his own part of the responsibility and impose it on you to do for him.
[36:10] I read your comment one day where you said, oh, women don't change their names in Islam.
[36:17] Like women don't have to change their answers.
[36:18] You don't have to.
[36:20] Because you'll be called by your father's name.
[36:24] You can bear your husband.
[36:25] I choose to bear my husband's name.
[36:26] It's a choice.
[36:27] But what Islam encourages is you are the child of your father.
[36:32] And even when we look at the Quran, in most instances, most wives of the prophets of old were called by their father's names.
[36:40] We have an instance, a few instances, where we have somebody referred to as the wife of somebody.
[36:45] So that is the excuse where you can bear a Mrs.
[36:47] Like I am Mrs. Edu.
[36:49] Mrs. Edu is not even right because Edu is a family name.
[36:52] I should be.
[36:53] I am Mrs. Oluwato Edu.
[36:55] I am married to this particular person, not the family.
[36:58] But because in Yoruba land, you are marrying the family.
[37:00] So you carry the whole family name.
[37:02] But as a Muslim, you bear your father's name.
[37:06] It is your father's name.
[37:07] That is your name.
[37:08] The blood flowing through your veins cannot be changed.
[37:11] Your genes can't be changed.
[37:13] So outside of marriage, does your religion accept feminism?
[37:16] Outside of marriage?
[37:18] You know how, yeah, because in marriage I feel like most religion, but I only know two.
[37:24] Two prominent ones.
[37:28] Yes, two prominent ones already put the man as the head of the home.
[37:32] And there's the, and I always
[37:34] say that thing that is to be the benefit of the woman.
[37:36] I'm not sure we understand that because
[37:37] If you really read well, you see that.
[37:40] Do you like stress?
[37:42] Do you like soft life?
[37:44] Confession is soft life.
[37:45] Do you understand?
[37:47] But, so I always say that,
[37:49] but outside of marriage is what I'm saying.
[37:53] Outside of marriage?
[37:54] Defending the rights of a woman.
[37:56] Yes.
[37:57] That's what feminism is.
[37:57] The woman still has a right outside of marriage.
[38:00] What's the thing about this feminism?
[38:03] Right to vote.
[38:04] Right, just the right for a woman
[38:05] have equal access because we can't say equality because if you have studied more than me yeah
[38:13] i'm not going to say because i'm a woman i have to get the same but fairness to say we started
[38:17] the same thing in the same position i deserve to be paid yes you have that but the truth is there
[38:22] are some natural laws that will not make you have there are some natural things that will not make
[38:27] you islam no no i'm just talking generally naturally okay like there are some things that
[38:32] may not make you have them that's you know equality naturally imagine somebody like us
[38:38] that when your menstruation is coming you have to be locked in bed or locked somewhere for days
[38:42] you cannot go out and the job you are trying to get might not be able to accommodate that
[38:47] for instance okay you know that might naturally put you at a disadvantage no matter how much you
[38:53] want to look at might you know she's trying to be careful exactly no how do you want to be careful
[38:59] I have missed the exams because of menstrual pain.
[39:02] I have missed the exams.
[39:04] Childbirth.
[39:05] It puts you at a disadvantage.
[39:06] You go for three months, five months.
[39:08] Your child is ill.
[39:09] You have to, you know, there are some things that will naturally not make you have that balance.
[39:15] Naturally.
[39:16] I think that's just the way God has made it.
[39:19] But it doesn't mean you don't have a right to aspire.
[39:24] You have a right to aspire.
[39:25] You have a right to acquire.
[39:27] You have a right to be you.
[39:28] you have a right to be ambitious you have every right to be ambitious honestly you have every
[39:34] single right to be ambitious every right like any other man absolutely and the truth is i think
[39:40] these days women are even more ambitious than a lot of yes yes so i was coming to you because
[39:46] you know that it was doing on my side i said you know what let me come to you okay expressive you
[39:52] do you understand let me come to you yeah i'm a woman in ministry yes so i you see let me come to
[39:59] you do you feel like the feminism happening right now is tilting towards men hating rather than the
[40:09] rights well let me say the ones that are loud let me just put it like that let me not say it
[40:13] generally because those that are louder i feel they are the minority that's why they are so loud
[40:18] yeah really those that are loud they're like no it's because they're not that loud have you seen
[40:23] loud feminists even you will shrink like can i can i not let's now calm down you understand
[40:30] somebody changed their name to mrs you say it's not what's your how do you do one that i married
[40:36] the guy so you know i mean it's just i really couldn't believe that was a thing though it was
[40:40] a thing i'm honest no i mean i just started bible study and question and answer and it just came up
[40:45] i'm like i'm sorry what what what what are you people asking me is it okay it's coming up so
[40:50] after a bible study i went to check why are you people yeah i was away from social media for a
[40:55] little bit yeah it was a thing what was the question they were asking sorry so i mean they
[41:00] would add they always ask me like so what do you think what do you think what does the bible say
[41:05] about it so somebody changed her name so someone changed her name she got married after getting
[41:08] married yes she was the daughter of a rich man yeah okay the guy doesn't seem as rich as the
[41:15] father okay when she got married to the guy she immediately immediately she's not really
[41:22] yeah i don't care they did it to this exactly she got married and changed her name and people
[41:27] said you do so which is which is what my problem is you are saying people saying what so well
[41:33] Who are their own fathers?
[41:35] Wait.
[41:37] What?
[41:38] I wish to know.
[41:39] I love you.
[41:40] I love you.
[41:42] Who are their own fathers?
[41:43] Yes, I heard that.
[41:44] Who are their own fathers?
[41:45] Yes.
[41:46] So I think that some of the reaction may have been an overreaction.
[41:53] So when she changed her name, some men who have been in some fights with these loud feminists
[42:01] began to carry it as oh death to feminism because this lady has changed her name what
[42:10] because somebody changed her yes
[42:13] both both but what i saw first you know was the why would you change yeah that's what i saw and
[42:19] i'm like i don't know i i don't know what you're saying but it felt like a response to okay from
[42:25] what where is it why would you why would you change it so for me it was like so to answer
[42:30] your question yes the loud ones are and really i i'm just going to be a son of god here and say
[42:37] anything the balance is christ so anything you're doing on we always do the extreme of ourselves
[42:43] you know okay now sorry to cut you short my question would have been like my response if i
[42:49] were in your study group would have been what do people do how many people were dead last weekend
[42:57] no no so for me i i don't know why is that an exception because of her father no well no i know
[43:02] and she's also an influential person on her own so for me i would always take it back to scripture
[43:07] and really that's just it but what i what i was saying was they would always push it out because
[43:13] as human beings even our good deeds our good deeds is usually an extension of our selfish nature
[43:20] if you if you actually extend something at the end something yeah yeah so why not it's always
[43:26] an extension so um you would always i think you might say movement and i don't really see the core
[43:32] being the only person that can actually give you balance yes it's just a matter of time really
[43:38] before i mean you hear um fraternities say oh i mean we started as just a brotherhood group and
[43:44] you know and then much later we know where it goes you understand same thing with sisters group same
[43:50] thing with women and all of that so i mean i for me i would say any movement that is not based that
[43:56] that is based on self.
[43:58] So your business is on.
[43:59] Now that's me being, like I said, a son of God.
[44:02] Now as a woman, like I quickly put in perspective,
[44:06] feminism to me is defending our rights
[44:09] and equality of access, is that what you said?
[44:13] Yes, of access.
[44:14] Of access, yes.
[44:15] Fairness, justice.
[44:15] And to be.
[44:16] Yes, so that's where I was now going to land.
[44:18] The identity first.
[44:21] Because many times when we're thinking of feminism,
[44:23] we're usually thinking of what to do,
[44:25] But who you are as a woman in your whole essence.
[44:31] Your core.
[44:32] And in your core, yourself.
[44:34] The freedom to choose.
[44:36] I mean, this is my makeup.
[44:39] I, for instance, I have what people call an intimidating personality.
[44:43] And I was speaking with an auntie today.
[44:45] She's been here before.
[44:48] I was speaking with her today and she said,
[44:50] what I can sense that is going on is they want you to shrink for this person to rise.
[44:56] right and i mean the people are saying it seemed to be authority figures they are saying it in
[45:01] other ways but she just said and you're not going to shrink no you know so for me i mean that wasn't
[45:07] an advice well i mean i i get how that is so ingrained in the fabric like this is who this
[45:16] person is like if this person is not a strong independent if she's a baby girl
[45:23] let her be
[45:23] a baby girl
[45:24] if it works for her
[45:25] she doesn't have to
[45:26] prove to you
[45:27] that she's strong
[45:28] by going to do
[45:28] a 9 to 5
[45:29] when she really
[45:30] is a content creator
[45:31] she doesn't have to
[45:32] be an entrepreneur
[45:34] if she is only
[45:35] 9 to 5
[45:35] this entrepreneur
[45:36] thing is over
[45:37] overrated
[45:38] rated
[45:38] so I don't understand
[45:40] I try to advise
[45:42] against it
[45:43] so in case
[45:43] you have a choice
[45:44] don't force
[45:46] me to call
[45:47] my darling
[45:48] do not
[45:48] tell me not to call
[45:50] tell me not to
[45:50] because
[45:51] oh my god
[45:53] there are men
[45:54] who just don't like my God
[45:56] there are men
[45:57] who just don't want
[45:59] why is she preaching
[46:00] and why does she
[46:01] even if she knows
[46:02] the scripture
[46:02] because you can
[46:03] argue for Africa
[46:05] and I don't call this
[46:07] argument though
[46:08] but you know
[46:08] your points are always
[46:09] very clear
[46:10] so that's the thing
[46:10] that's another problem
[46:11] the fact that I can
[46:12] articulate my words
[46:13] is a problem
[46:14] your points are very clear
[46:15] it's a problem
[46:15] for a lot of people
[46:16] they struggle with
[46:17] and you don't back down
[46:18] yeah
[46:18] and then another thing
[46:20] is usually when they
[46:21] I can give like
[46:22] two responses to one person after that you're you're i'm actually i can't really hear you yeah
[46:26] and that's annoying so they come to my dm yes i know that you did not see and i will still come
[46:31] out yeah there's another thing that i know that was i do a lot yeah i block glory i use the
[46:36] anointing of the block i'm good so after work blocking is free i've seen emails i've seen
[46:43] i brought you come on i didn't send emails i've seen a guy that sent an email i blocked he used
[46:48] another email i blocked it so after a while i think you just saw that there's no question let
[46:51] Let me tell you what I do.
[46:52] After I've posted you, I block you.
[46:54] Look at me, I posted you.
[46:56] I'm not saying I'm...
[46:56] No, no.
[46:57] When you tell me rubbish on my DM, I'll go and post you on there.
[47:00] For other people to see.
[47:01] Let them see your foolishness.
[47:02] Then I will not block you.
[47:03] So I was going to say, if I just...
[47:04] Can you give us their names?
[47:05] Just one of these things.
[47:06] You know when I started putting names?
[47:07] No, no.
[47:08] After I was putting names outside.
[47:09] I didn't say that.
[47:10] Putting names.
[47:11] And some other time, when I look at the person's post content.
[47:15] Oh.
[47:16] If I now come and put this person's name...
[47:19] it's not good for me i'm a kind person
[47:30] leave it just leave it just let it slide let me leave it but you must see that yeah so actually
[47:34] yeah to be for me which is where i was going to land just yeah who are you and a lot of people are
[47:39] not self-aware a lot of women are not self-aware and then there's this herd mentality because of
[47:44] social media this is what everybody's saying this is what i'm saying yeah so you have conversations
[47:47] with people and they are just re-echoing tweets and re-echoing posts and you can't sense originality
[47:54] you can't sense depth you can't sense the essence so as much as even the feminism that we are
[47:58] screaming some people are just feminist because that's what is trendy or that's going to get you
[48:01] the likes or being they take more things behind yeah so like staying i mean i saw something by
[48:09] one of the prominent women in this age and time and you know i just woke up and i saw people
[48:13] dragging her i mean she's always been dragged i don't even know why and um as they did that
[48:19] i went to i found the video and i'm like what did she say that is wrong and i saw videos people
[48:25] explaining and they started making sure that you didn't watch this lady's video yeah comprehension
[48:32] that we didn't i don't know if there's a problem i will say if feminism is going to be holistic
[48:41] it should also focus on emphasizing that women need to find who they are beneath the rubble of
[48:49] trauma of their past of things that happened to them i realized this was the last week and i was
[48:55] like things there are things a lot of things happened for instance i was raped three times
[49:00] um first time i was six right um that it happened to me but until i went through it
[49:08] For those of you that see me not doing it, it's because I'm not shocked, I know.
[49:11] How can you hear such things?
[49:14] It's because I'm aware.
[49:15] Thank you very much.
[49:16] She has shared that before.
[49:18] You know, people say, what?
[49:20] I'm aware.
[49:23] So, I mean, going through it, I was raped at six.
[49:26] I don't think I went through it until I was 24.
[49:29] In the sense that going through the effect, forgiving the abusers, dealing with the PTSD, that was the going through.
[49:37] So a lot of things have happened to people that they've not gone to.
[49:41] Of course.
[49:41] Right.
[49:41] And you can't really find who you are until you go underneath all of the things.
[49:47] The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10 verse 4 in the passion translation
[49:53] that we can effectively dismantle the defenses behind which people hide.
[49:57] So a lot of times we are hiding behind walls of past or things that we said,
[50:02] verbal abuse, emotional abuse and all of that.
[50:04] We don't really know who we are.
[50:06] yes and that's really what leads us into this herd mentality and validation
[50:10] um so before you defend your who is the woman yeah who are you and who is it yeah yeah i like
[50:18] that question because yeah aside from who are you yeah now i have to find myself i could be a man
[50:23] yeah for all i can exactly but who is the woman because if you're saying that feminism is about
[50:29] women's rights who is the woman to get to be to get fairness to get equity to all of those
[50:35] and to be who is the woman that you're defending because then you begin to understand that the
[50:40] history of the subjugation you know that one first yes but then you also know yourself you know then
[50:45] you're not going to merge those or is it possible and you know i always say these things i don't see
[50:49] any reason why a woman who is not a feminist should say i am it's okay it's okay are you sure they
[50:54] understand the meaning of that word who feminist feminist no no that's what i mean but that's what
[50:59] What she's even saying now is you can not be, you can be.
[51:03] You can choose not to be.
[51:05] When you already now know and say, I don't want, I don't want that.
[51:09] I am a gatekeeper of patriarchy.
[51:15] And I love you too.
[51:17] I don't understand you.
[51:19] You know what I can remember.
[51:21] Why are you a feminist?
[51:23] I mean, you may not be a feminist, but you can at least want fairness.
[51:27] one friend at least be kind be kind yeah so some people still look at that i'm not being a cloud
[51:31] chaser i don't i don't want this i don't want this and then but again that would be good after knowing
[51:36] yes you know yeah and um on the topic of feminism yeah what would you do may i come to you you are
[51:44] coming we're talking about how women are now a lot of women are preachers and people are they're
[51:52] are getting fat what is she wearing on the puppets why is she looking like that like seriously oh
[51:57] yeah i've been uh a receptor i send you links why are you dressing like that the first of first
[52:06] what do you call them on the internet the band boys what do you call those boys again
[52:10] banga boys we say yeah i don't know wow you go and check okay why is a woman first of all preaching
[52:16] in the first place and women will say yes she can she can definitely preach what do you say to that
[52:21] in the beginning yes god created them male and female and he said to them
[52:30] be fruitful and multiply yeah which means that through the bible you would see man you know but
[52:38] if you read several versions you would understand that the man is talking to humankind not as a male
[52:46] figure right so what he said when he's when god said be fruitful and multiply he was saying it
[52:54] to them male and female right so god created male and female the female was not an afterthought
[53:01] god created them from the beginning and they were supposed to work together in unity to
[53:09] have to multiply and to multiply to multiply and to have dominion of course because the woman is
[53:16] such an important part of God's plan for the world, the devil is not going to be looking
[53:22] at her like that.
[53:24] The devil is going to do all he can to attack her.
[53:27] And he found willing
[53:30] vessels in the men who had the power because it is in the natural man to oppress those
[53:40] that you're more powerful than and so of course the man had the physical power
[53:47] which translated to the economic power and so was able to then begin to oppress the woman
[53:56] and unfortunately that also flowed into even the way some things were written on the bible
[54:03] because most of the people that were doing the writing were men.
[54:11] So he flowed into it.
[54:13] However, if you look at the ministry of Jesus,
[54:17] you would see that women had such an important part to play.
[54:21] I don't think that it just happened by happenstance
[54:27] that it was a woman that first saw Jesus.
[54:30] It was important.
[54:31] Why didn't a man give birth to Jesus?
[54:34] Yes, of course a woman had to give birth to Jesus.
[54:37] Why did you have to be a reason for that?
[54:39] Exactly.
[54:40] A woman had to give birth to Jesus.
[54:42] A woman had to see Jesus first.
[54:45] It actually lends credibility to the resurrection of Jesus because at that time, a woman's testimony would not be believed.
[54:53] believed so if all these men that wrote the later chapters of the bible could accept that yes it was
[55:01] a woman that first saw jesus it actually happened so i believe that as part of the restoration work
[55:07] that jesus came to do was also to restore that unity that equality you know and if you look at
[55:16] the bible again there was still the patriarchy apostle paul in most of his writings did not want
[55:23] to shake the culture so much but you still see that women headed churches yeah and ananias no
[55:32] not ananias akila and priscilla akila was the man yes not ananias those ones that it is those
[55:45] let's leave it you think i asked i'd like to jesus they will not have died
[55:51] they yes anyway but they were still there don't let us even start because
[55:58] they're not going to that you actually recall in their yeah whatever they did so
[56:01] they were still together so in some in some places you would actually see
[56:06] priscilla even mentioned first yes before aquila when they were when they were um teaching apollos
[56:13] yes more about the truth it was both of them so and there's there's the letter to the church to
[56:21] the the church that meets in phoebe's house yes so there were female leaders yes there was some
[56:29] grand grandmother and mother you know that taught him so there were female christian leaders in the
[56:36] bible so to be honest i don't see any basis for for people to say yes there's one scripture that
[56:44] says women should be should be silent i i do not i do not thank you i thank you i do not permit
[56:52] women to teach but the same scripture the same apostle that did not permit women to teach in
[56:58] corinthians also still spokes other churches mentioned aquila and priscilla as his fellow
[57:05] laborers several times so we need to read the bible in context thank you people can you honestly
[57:12] whatever it is that you want to run with you can pick a verse of the bible yes and just run with it
[57:17] but you need to read the bible in context you need to read it in light of other scriptures
[57:23] more more importantly there's a reason why i said within the beginning you need to read the bible
[57:28] from the context of god's nature and god's purpose this is very very important as i said from
[57:35] God's nature is very important.
[57:37] God's nature and His purpose.
[57:39] Whatever it is that you're seeing, a lot of things are in the Bible.
[57:42] Some things are, you know, it's for our learning.
[57:46] It's not that the learning is not necessarily that you should do it.
[57:50] It's for you to learn from the mistakes that those people made and not do it.
[57:53] And not do that, yeah.
[57:55] Some things are for you to understand now the love of Jesus.
[57:59] to see what you would have been or what you would have been subjected to without the love of Jesus.
[58:06] So we really need to study the Bible.
[58:09] Christians need to read their Bible.
[58:13] Like, read this.
[58:14] If I just, first of all, read this first.
[58:16] Even know what is inside first.
[58:18] From beginning to the end.
[58:19] To just understand what it's saying.
[58:19] There are a lot of Christians who have never read certain parts of the Bible in their lives.
[58:26] It's very important.
[58:27] I just finished reading the Bible through.
[58:29] I could say, I could say, I could say.
[58:31] So it's good for you to read the Bible through.
[58:33] So they don't speak in verse.
[58:35] They don't speak in verse.
[58:36] They speak on social media.
[58:37] Yeah, they do the whole list.
[58:39] And as long as it suits what their agenda is, they will run with it.
[58:43] So when you see something, you need to step back and think and say, okay,
[58:49] is it in the Bible?
[58:49] Yes, it's in the Bible.
[58:50] But what is the actual context?
[58:51] What is the historical context?
[58:53] What was happening?
[58:54] Who were they speaking to?
[58:57] Why was he saying this at this time?
[58:59] At the end of the day, what has happened before?
[59:02] Pretext, post-text, context.
[59:05] Counters or supports this particular verse.
[59:08] They don't just pick one verse and say,
[59:11] this is the Bible I know.
[59:13] Hallelujah, somebody.
[59:15] So yes, female pastors, female teachers
[59:18] are represented in the Bible.
[59:21] Yes, and so we would be represented here.
[59:23] Yes, we need it.
[59:25] Yes, yes.
[59:26] Whether you like it or not,
[59:27] dance if you know how to dance.
[59:29] Sorry.
[59:33] Do you like my skin?
[59:34] Do you like my skin?
[59:36] I'm sure you do.
[59:37] My skin is powered by Dang Lifestyle,
[59:40] a skincare brand specifically tailored
[59:43] for people like you.
[59:45] Go to danglifestyle.co to get yours.
[59:46] Use the discount code on the screen
[59:48] to get 10% off.
[59:50] Let us take our pledge.
[59:51] Now let's go to our story.
[59:52] Okay.
[59:53] All right, let's take a pledge.
[59:55] I
[59:57] ife dayo
[59:58] I adepweju
[1:00:00] I titoluwa
[1:00:01] I blessing
[1:00:02] promise
[1:00:03] promise
[1:00:04] to be kind
[1:00:04] to be kind
[1:00:05] to be honest
[1:00:06] to be honest
[1:00:07] and to not ask ife
[1:00:08] who wrote in the story
[1:00:09] and to not ask
[1:00:10] ife who wrote in the story
[1:00:11] Tito
[1:00:12] Tito speak your own
[1:00:14] Jesus
[1:00:15] and to not ask
[1:00:17] ife who wrote
[1:00:18] this story
[1:00:19] I never thought
[1:00:20] I'll be writing my story
[1:00:21] down like this
[1:00:22] after so much
[1:00:23] back and forth
[1:00:24] with myself, I finally decided to share and I'd really love to hear your honest thoughts.
[1:00:30] I'm a Christian woman in my late 30s and I found myself deeply in love with a Muslim man.
[1:00:36] For as
[1:00:37] long as I can remember, I've always believed that true relationships can exist between two people,
[1:00:42] regardless of culture, race, or religion, so long as it doesn't involve harming another human being.
[1:00:50] I've known him for over five years now, and our bond has only grown stronger.
[1:00:55] It feels like something that can't run out.
[1:00:58] Like even when we're apart, something in my spirit knows it.
[1:01:01] He genuinely cares about me, looks out for me, and is always mindful of my comfort.
[1:01:07] He's brilliant, respectful, soft-spoken, kind, almost to a fault.
[1:01:11] With him, I feel safe, secure, and at peace.
[1:01:16] Something I honestly never experienced in my past relationships.
[1:01:20] He ticks all my boxes, morally grounded, disciplined, honest, sincere.
[1:01:24] I enjoy life with him, and I've always dreamt of him being the father of my kids.
[1:01:30] A few months ago, I asked that we have a serious talk about religion and our future.
[1:01:34] He asked me for time, so I waited.
[1:01:37] Recently, he told me that as much as he loves me,
[1:01:40] he would want his children to be raised in Islam without them giving another choice.
[1:01:46] That was hard for me to hear.
[1:01:48] I asked him why he had to be forced.
[1:01:49] Why not just let them decide for themselves?
[1:01:52] His answer was very firm.
[1:01:54] He wants them specially raised as Muslims.
[1:01:58] So I asked if this meant that in his heart,
[1:02:00] he feels he must marry a Muslim woman to have that certainty.
[1:02:03] His answer was both yes and no.
[1:02:06] Yes, because it would be easier.
[1:02:07] No, because he knows of Muslim Christian marriages that have worked out.
[1:02:12] To be clear, he's not narrow-minded at all.
[1:02:15] He's very open and has never stopped me from practicing my faith.
[1:02:19] In fact, he encourages me to go to church
[1:02:22] and even reminds me not to miss programs.
[1:02:24] But with this new reality,
[1:02:25] I honestly don't know what to do.
[1:02:28] He's not just my partner.
[1:02:29] He's also my best friend.
[1:02:30] The one person I've been completely open
[1:02:33] and vulnerable with.
[1:02:34] He's such a good man
[1:02:35] and that's what makes this so painful.
[1:02:38] I'm hurt and torn and in tears
[1:02:41] because I don't know how long it would take
[1:02:43] to meet someone else
[1:02:43] with the same values, wisdom and heart as him.
[1:02:48] Well, for me, we've seen interreligious marriages around.
[1:02:54] In fact, my own great-grandparents were...
[1:02:58] My great-grandfather was a reverend, buried in the church.
[1:03:02] My great-grandmother was a Muslim.
[1:03:05] Yes, some people were able to do it, and they could, you know, just do it and succeed with it.
[1:03:12] At the end of the day, my first question to the writer will be, what do you want to achieve?
[1:03:19] As a Muslim myself, number one, I can't marry a Christian because I'm very spiritual.
[1:03:27] If you are a Muslim, the line of thought of Muslims and Christians differ as much as we know that it is still one God, but in different forms, whichever way you want to look at it.
[1:03:38] But number one, as a Christian, what do you want for yourself?
[1:03:41] do you want a home with some people don't mind they want a home where
[1:03:46] children can grow to be whatever they choose to be we've seen it happen like
[1:03:50] some children can be Muslim today they can go to church on Friday they'll go to
[1:03:53] mosque some families run that in my own family some of my uncles I have my uncle
[1:03:58] grand uncle that was a Christian my grandfather was a Muslim my auntie a
[1:04:01] Christian the other one the Muslim you know so it's like one for mom that one
[1:04:04] for father one for me so is that what you want I just want to say that I
[1:04:08] I experienced that when I was younger, we would go for Ilea.
[1:04:11] Ilea is a, what is it?
[1:04:14] The big salaya.
[1:04:15] The big salaya in Bukun Biti, Iran.
[1:04:17] We leave our house and we go all the way to our states,
[1:04:22] in Ogun states, to join.
[1:04:24] Because my dad's family was a Muslim.
[1:04:26] You had to go to the mosque.
[1:04:29] We were Christians.
[1:04:30] And my mom would be so angry.
[1:04:32] Why did they have to go?
[1:04:33] So sometimes my mom goes to the back to wash,
[1:04:35] you know, when they killed the goats,
[1:04:37] The wives would be there, frying and everything.
[1:04:39] They would drag us.
[1:04:41] And today that's how I know some Muslim prayers.
[1:04:44] Because, but it was so confusing for me.
[1:04:47] Why are you dragging me?
[1:04:48] When I go back home, I won't go to church.
[1:04:51] So it was really confusing until my dad stopped it
[1:04:53] and said, they don't have to,
[1:04:55] they are really truly not Muslims.
[1:04:57] Why do you think that?
[1:04:58] In this Salah period,
[1:04:59] is when they will not learn Islam at once.
[1:05:02] But they did try.
[1:05:03] They tried.
[1:05:05] So, but yeah, so it was very confusing.
[1:05:06] I understand what you're saying.
[1:05:07] It's very confusing.
[1:05:09] So what kind of home do you want to build for yourself?
[1:05:11] Do you want a free for all home where any child can be whatever?
[1:05:14] Because for me, from raising children to be Muslims like I am.
[1:05:18] Yeah.
[1:05:19] You have to teach your children what you believe in.
[1:05:22] Then you allow them to experience
[1:05:25] the teachings by themselves so they can be better.
[1:05:28] My parents, I was not covering up as a young child.
[1:05:31] It was my understanding, my personal understanding of Islam
[1:05:34] that made me decide,
[1:05:35] oh, it's time I start wearing hijab.
[1:05:37] It wasn't like my mother
[1:05:38] is all dressed up like this.
[1:05:39] So your husband didn't ask you?
[1:05:41] No, he met me like this.
[1:05:43] He met me like this, you know.
[1:05:44] I started dressing like this
[1:05:45] after I left secondary school.
[1:05:47] You know, out of my own...
[1:05:48] In fact, when I started wearing hijab,
[1:05:49] my mom didn't like it.
[1:05:51] Even a Muslim herself.
[1:05:56] That's even a Muslim herself.
[1:05:58] It wasn't easy for her like,
[1:06:00] when you start covering up nobody,
[1:06:01] you are not going to look
[1:06:02] as beautifully again.
[1:06:03] You are not going to, you know,
[1:06:04] but it was my own personal conviction that made me do it,
[1:06:06] not like my parents, you know.
[1:06:08] So same for us when you are raising children.
[1:06:09] You want to teach your children what you believe.
[1:06:12] And what you believe that is working for you,
[1:06:14] of course, that is what you want to pass on to your children.
[1:06:17] So for her, what do you want for yourself?
[1:06:20] If you are a Christian,
[1:06:21] they understand the teaching of Christianity in totality.
[1:06:25] You cannot be toying with the future of your children
[1:06:28] by saying, okay, I can marry a Muslim,
[1:06:30] then they can become a Christian,
[1:06:32] or we'll find a way to take them to the church.
[1:06:35] As long as the man is saying,
[1:06:37] I want my children to be Muslim.
[1:06:39] Let him be.
[1:06:41] If your religion,
[1:06:42] if what you want to pass to your children is that faith,
[1:06:44] is that teaching that you believe in,
[1:06:46] please marry somebody that you share the same ideology with
[1:06:49] so that you can have a home that will function well.
[1:06:53] You don't have to confuse children.
[1:06:54] What do you think, Tito?
[1:06:57] I'm just, I was literally going to say what she said
[1:06:59] because you know I always respect whether or not they are Christians but
[1:07:04] if somebody says this is who he is believe this is what he wants to believe
[1:07:09] them the friend of mine says many times women think with their libido because what's
[1:07:15] going on my sis I don't understand the guy said give me time that is he went
[1:07:19] And we thought about it.
[1:07:21] You were witty.
[1:07:22] Oh love.
[1:07:23] Love with him will change his mind.
[1:07:25] He's saying it about his children now.
[1:07:29] What makes you think at some point he's not going to say, I mean and I don't blame him because he said it.
[1:07:35] Right?
[1:07:35] You said oh let them figure it.
[1:07:37] Why is everything just, why are you leaving everything else?
[1:07:39] How do we give them something to figure out?
[1:07:41] Because then you mean they should not do anything until they are 18.
[1:07:44] No, they will be doing both.
[1:07:46] it's not a judge today that's the problem that's the problem the guy has i like the guy
[1:07:56] he didn't even just know i'm sure he knew before he said let me go and think he went he thought of
[1:08:01] it and you know what he didn't just look at the sentimental oh i love her she makes me it is the
[1:08:06] love that made him go and think it's that love that he had it's not yeah it's not a feeling no
[1:08:11] it's not the feeling it's a decision of love of love to say i love you enough to like the emotion
[1:08:16] of love we may not we are too emotional we are feeling as a little you can see the guy saying
[1:08:22] more or less like is if this is a business how would i think about it so he went he thought you
[1:08:27] were you were in love okay now in out okay get up leave skyline in in very simple terms i'm being i
[1:08:35] pledged to make everybody work so this is the kind of you can leave the guy you guys can be friends
[1:08:43] and i said if you guys can work it out you guys can be can be friends but i don't think you should
[1:08:47] marry that guy and because if you even try and convince him you would have made him um bend on
[1:08:54] something that he really maybe he really wanted do you understand so i don't think you should i think
[1:09:00] you should just and then i want to speak to something which i knew was the issue from the start
[1:09:06] here she's afraid yeah she is she said she said it now she said no no i mean he got to the end before
[1:09:12] she was she was afraid she wouldn't get them someone better anything you do out of fear as a
[1:09:21] sister as a christian that you are anything you do out of here is not of god so if you marry this guy
[1:09:27] out of here it's not of god if you if you leave the relationship in fear you are still not doing
[1:09:34] it the way god would want it to happen so deal with the fear first that fear that scarcity mindset
[1:09:40] no man outside he's as good as he has to be this one if he's not this one
[1:09:47] sometimes what is making you think this is yeah god and that's a lot of things that christian
[1:09:51] women do i don't know if you know it so god said this is the person i'm going to marry and he
[1:09:54] proposed somebody else and you're still saying yes you're saying so god i know what you want
[1:09:59] you know i didn't agree you have to do it clearly god did not say because i was tired yeah i was
[1:10:06] I was tired of God said, I asked him, is that me?
[1:10:10] The guy said, no, but I feel, excuse me, God did not say nada.
[1:10:15] You heard your emotion, you heard your feeling, you heard your libido.
[1:10:19] Yeah.
[1:10:20] Let me ask you, Gwamidji, do you think a true Christian or a true Muslim can doubt who they want to marry?
[1:10:27] Honestly, that was going to be my contribution to this discussion.
[1:10:31] that for me, my first identity for me is a Christian.
[1:10:38] And not Christianity as, okay,
[1:10:40] feel a form, Christianity as a religion,
[1:10:43] but my identity in Christ.
[1:10:46] That's the very first thing for me.
[1:10:48] That's the basis.
[1:10:49] So for me, for my identity, like there is no way.
[1:10:53] If I'm going to get married, it has to also be in Christ.
[1:10:58] Anything I do has to be in Christ.
[1:11:01] I'm going to raise my children in Christ.
[1:11:03] Like, there's no discussion.
[1:11:06] Like, it doesn't happen.
[1:11:07] Of course, I'm going to be friends with everybody.
[1:11:10] But when it comes to, and I believe marriage is very, very important.
[1:11:15] For those who want to get married, I think marriage is very, very important to your destiny.
[1:11:23] Right?
[1:11:24] If you decide to get married, it's important for you to marry right.
[1:11:28] it can have a very well my geo says that it says that after your decision to give your life to
[1:11:37] christ the next most important decision is who you might because we had you know we we hear these
[1:11:42] stories a man or a woman can kill someone's dream can kill someone's destiny it happens and of course
[1:11:50] many times it falls back on the woman because mostly yes because because of the society we are
[1:11:56] in right not only that women do a condition yes exactly so so as a woman you need to be
[1:12:04] doubly sure because i mean the head of the home thing is even it's first and foremost a spiritual
[1:12:10] thing yes because it flows from god christ the man you get so how is for a christian woman how
[1:12:21] is the head of your home not submitted to your own head before you met him there was a head
[1:12:27] abby exactly your first head shouldn't you come shouldn't it trickle down from how it should be
[1:12:34] that's the question that's all i'm going to say i like that man he knows what i like him
[1:12:38] god simple no of course she should decide what she wants and go for it
[1:12:52] I said, let me go and think.
[1:12:53] You could have said right there.
[1:12:56] You still want to think about this person.
[1:12:57] How far can I go?
[1:12:59] Just the beginning, I didn't think.
[1:13:01] I will answer right here.
[1:13:03] What should I...
[1:13:05] Like you are helpless.
[1:13:07] In cases like this, I'm usually so
[1:13:09] pastelar about the children.
[1:13:11] I'm like,
[1:13:12] for me,
[1:13:13] when you want to get married, please
[1:13:17] consider
[1:13:17] your children because they are the
[1:13:19] making the decision what generation do you want to raise what's your next generation going to be
[1:13:25] born into this family that they did not choose don't bring them into confusion into confusion
[1:13:32] generally don't bring children into dysfunctional this thing before in fact whether you want to
[1:13:37] marry before you sleep with a man safe consider dry or with a woman you know before you sleep
[1:13:42] with somebody consider do i can i raise a child with this person they are going far let me come in
[1:13:48] you've already gone i had another thing i want to say from your book because no no because you need
[1:13:53] to consider children please because you are making decisions for them so please be that's
[1:14:01] for people who that wants to be very very yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
[1:14:10] your grandchildren for yourself yes you also need to consider them think about them that okay
[1:14:18] what do i what what kind of family what kind of home do i want to create for those children what
[1:14:24] kind of environment do i want to bring them into it's not just it goes beyond religion
[1:14:30] in fact you can even both be you can even both be christians exactly i'm not i'm not saying that's
[1:14:36] what i want to say is that you can even be christians or muslims in the same church you
[1:14:41] belong because it's catholic yeah you can you can have um yes you can have somebody
[1:14:49] you can have somebody going to a white diamond church and you you are probably a redeemer
[1:14:53] yeah i'm still saying you're still talking about different i'm talking about you can even be in
[1:14:56] the same church yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm sorry i don't know about the mosque but you see in our
[1:15:00] church is like hospital right different different patients it's not they don't they are not the same
[1:15:07] sometimes the doctor is on medication
[1:15:12] that's so true
[1:15:16] christ
[1:15:20] i know that never in a million years let go for this doctor yes you hold on first
[1:15:24] Who's a girl?
[1:15:26] Not you.
[1:15:26] Not you right now.
[1:15:28] I already know that I'm still responding small small.
[1:15:30] You want to still break your own...
[1:15:33] I don't want to break your own.
[1:15:35] I don't even think if he was a Christian, it would be a standout Christian.
[1:15:40] Because also most Christians...
[1:15:40] He's a girl's body.
[1:15:41] He's a standout Muslim.
[1:15:42] He's a standout Muslim.
[1:15:44] Because another thing about Christian brothers, yes I'm coming for you, is that you people
[1:15:47] too used to pretend a lot.
[1:15:47] Yeah.
[1:15:49] You can't...
[1:15:49] Do you see where the guy said, let me go and think.
[1:15:51] We used to submit our brain outside when we are creating.
[1:15:55] I say this with all strength inside of me.
[1:15:58] I thought you were going to say, without due respect.
[1:16:00] No, no, no.
[1:16:00] I don't respect.
[1:16:01] I don't respect double-minded men.
[1:16:05] But the lady, you can see that she's bringing food to your house.
[1:16:07] She wants to meet you.
[1:16:08] You know where she's going.
[1:16:10] You need the food.
[1:16:10] You know you don't want to see nothing.
[1:16:11] You see this, my uncle.
[1:16:13] He said it.
[1:16:13] He knows where it's going.
[1:16:14] He knows what he wants.
[1:16:16] So are we saying that the marriages that work, how does it work?
[1:16:20] because it does work for some people yes it works yeah the extension is not the world i know i'm just
[1:16:26] curious it works with a lot of compromise yes yes a lot mostly on the woman's part on the woman's
[1:16:33] part yes i have a friend a university mates course mates that um the father was a muslim
[1:16:44] And the mom was a deaconess in the church.
[1:16:47] The man, very staunch.
[1:16:48] None of the children ever stepped the entrance of a church.
[1:16:52] The mother was not happy.
[1:16:55] In later life, she didn't like it.
[1:16:56] She wanted a child that she can go with her to church.
[1:17:00] But unfortunately, none of them.
[1:17:01] She was not happy.
[1:17:04] And likewise, I also know a man that had a Christian wife, and he was a Muslim.
[1:17:09] And all of the children followed the mother to the church.
[1:17:12] and in his later life he started looking for a Muslim wife
[1:17:15] because he wants children that he can raise to be Muslims.
[1:17:19] So for marriages that work,
[1:17:22] it's a whole lot of work and compromise.
[1:17:25] It's either a lot of things are stomached.
[1:17:28] You see, you cannot talk like,
[1:17:30] let's just be managing it like that.
[1:17:33] Or it's a silent battle.
[1:17:35] Everybody is struggling to make an impression on the children.
[1:17:39] yeah every you know some is like a silent battle you are struggling so much to make an impression
[1:17:45] on the children so you can have them to your own side so you know why stress yourself why all this
[1:17:52] kind of jude house and companies why are you fighting with it for me honestly i'll say it's
[1:17:56] not worth it maybe maybe back in the days maybe they could manage you know maybe everybody like
[1:18:01] i had my own great grandparents were like that the a reverend in the baptist church for instance
[1:18:05] He was buried in a church and the wife is a Muslim.
[1:18:08] And my own grandfather is a Muslim.
[1:18:10] My next uncle is a Christian.
[1:18:12] I had another auntie that is a Muslim.
[1:18:13] I had another one that is a Christian.
[1:18:15] Everybody lived their life, you know.
[1:18:17] So how he wants to accept you are not a Muslim or a Christian
[1:18:22] that understands what the religion you profess teaches in totality.
[1:18:29] Some of us are social Muslims.
[1:18:30] Exactly.
[1:18:32] Exactly.
[1:18:33] Except you don't understand what your religion preaches in totality,
[1:18:37] then you can compromise or look away.
[1:18:39] You can drink today.
[1:18:40] Because Islam will tell you no alcohol.
[1:18:42] This one says alcohol is not a big deal.
[1:18:44] This one will say you can wear anything you like.
[1:18:46] This one will say, oh, you are supposed to cover up.
[1:18:48] There are too many doctrines that cannot align.
[1:18:51] There's no way you want to look at it.
[1:18:53] We can live.
[1:18:55] If it's only to sleep and wake up together, we can cohabit, we can live well.
[1:18:59] but there are some basic principles like
[1:19:03] I don't know how you want to match that.
[1:19:04] Is that somebody will suppress her own totally
[1:19:07] and allow the other person
[1:19:08] and I don't think that is fulfilling in any way.
[1:19:11] Thank you so much, guys.
[1:19:12] I have a gift for you.
[1:19:14] Thank you.
[1:19:14] Oh, thank you.
[1:19:16] Why do you like gifts so much?
[1:19:17] Who doesn't like gifts?
[1:19:20] She brought me a gift
[1:19:21] I could not even wait to enter to open it.
[1:19:23] I just opened it right here.
[1:19:24] It's not sunscreen that is inside though.
[1:19:27] I know that some of you
[1:19:28] oh
[1:19:43] Thank you so much guys.
[1:19:45] I hope you enjoyed today's podcast.
[1:19:46] I hope that you've learned
[1:20:03] something.
[1:20:04] Please let me know in the comments.
[1:20:06] Dang community members, over to you.
[1:20:14] patients is not they don't they are not the same sometimes the doctor is on meditation
[1:20:19] that's so true
[1:20:24] as you speak i know that never in a million let's go for this doctor you hold on first
[1:20:35] yay thank you so much you actually made it to the end of this video don't forget to subscribe
[1:20:43] like, comment and share this amazing episode.

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