# Toolz on Nepo baby life, online drama & hidden desires in relationship | Dear Ife series Podcast

An episode of [Diary of A Naija Girl](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1888131074), 19 Mar 2026, 1 h 02 min.

Audio: https://episode.flightcast.com/wi9xe3fvatakhgqb5egb3fui.mp3

In this Dear Ife series Podcast Ife sits down with your favourite MC and talk show host Toolz for a thoughtful and opinion packed conversation on the podcast. Toolz addresses some of the assumptions people often make about her online and gives deeper context to her life and career. She opens up about being labelled a nepo baby and the realities and pressures that come with it while sharing how she has navigated her journey in the media industry. Toolz also reflects on motherhood, what it is like working in Nigeria’s entertainment space, and the experience of hosting a successful and widely celebrated podcast. The conversation also explores relationships as she shares her thoughts on navigating situations where partners have sexual fantasies that may not align and what compromise can look like in those dynamics. It is an honest and engaging discussion you do not want to miss so watch the episode and share your thoughts in the comments because the conversation is not complete without your voice, and do not forget to like, share, and subscribe. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and welcome Toolz 05:34 Online drama 06:20 Beat FM job 07:50 Being In the Public eye 09:50 Worst dressed list 12:00 Interview style & its effects 15:08 The "Nepo baby tag" & working my first job 18:21 No family support at first Nigerian job & media evolution 22;20 Social awkwardness,motherhood & healing 37:19 Opinions in the music industry 43:46 Pledge & story 47:27 Opinions, Gift giving & conclusion Want more visual podcasts from DANG? SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/@diaryofanaijagirl #DANG #DiaryofaNaijaGirl #DANGWithIfe About Diary of a Naija Girl Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) is an online community, founded and managed by Ifedayo Agoro, to inspire women across the world through creative storytelling. Back in 2015, it started as an online diary, sharing the everyday adventures of an anonymous Nigerian woman. Fast forward nine years, and it has become a tribe of incredible women, living their best lives one story at a time. DANG is a safe space for women to be unapologetically themselves, a family that laughs, learns and lifts each other, from Lagos to every corner of the world. About Ifedayo Agoro An entrepreneur, creative writer, content creator, content marketer and media strategist, Ifedayo Agoro is the founder of Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) and DANG Lifestyle, a premium home and body care production company, which she launched in Nigeria in 2020. Ifedayo is passionate about social responsibility and philanthropy. She sponsors several young residents at Little Saints Orphanage and partners with Lots Charity Foundation, a non-governmental aid organisation. Connect with DANG Online: Like DANG on FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/3xLjCkU Follow DANG on TWITTER: https://bit.ly/4aBgy9I Follow DANG on INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/4ay4Axu Follow DANG on LINKEDIN: https://bit.ly/3JhGpHM

## Transcript

[0:00] You've gone through a lot. I feel bad for you.
[0:02] When I get married, though, I was so naive.
[0:05] Fingers crossed, you guys should pray for me.
[0:07] What's the most painful thing you've heard?
[0:09] I've seen some really horrible things. There were some very few.
[0:14] First of all, people that said she doesn't need a job.
[0:16] Look, my dad had like 20-something children.
[0:18] I need a job.
[0:20] Sometimes, Tramida can be too to help or heal.
[0:24] When he talked about your miscarriage,
[0:26] did you heal from that?
[0:28] What I found was that a lot of people don't talk about it.
[0:31] This is what I wanted.
[0:32] Nobody tells me like, oh my gosh, I felt like jumping off a bridge.
[0:35] I just couldn't bury anymore.
[0:37] So in a way, what I didn't find, I think that's what I kind of became.
[0:41] Yeah.
[0:55] Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of The Dare Efeat series
[0:59] where community members bring in their story.
[1:02] This is a safe space where we talk about your story
[1:05] and then we share with our guests who may or may not have been through it
[1:09] but they have ideas and opinions for days.
[1:12] Wanted to know you're not alone in whatever you're going through
[1:15] one or two people have experienced it.
[1:17] And we hope that from what we discussed today,
[1:19] you find a solution.
[1:21] Or at least, there's a light at the end of the tunnel in your story.
[1:25] Today, I have an amazing guest.
[1:29] She's so open-ended.
[1:31] I love it.
[1:34] This is a radio reality, media powerhouse, CEO of the famous body positivity brand
[1:42] and mother, a wife, a podcast, the amazing tool.
[1:48] Thank you.
[1:51] Oh, my gosh, Martin Mitchell.
[1:53] Thank you so much.
[1:54] How are you?
[1:55] I'm good.
[1:56] I've been wanting to have you here for a long time.
[1:58] Oh, gosh, should I be scared?
[1:59] And let me tell you, the last season, the first one was one of my best.
[2:02] was here because I just love how you people just, when you people talk on your
[2:06] podcast, even though he's like, I'm like, it doesn't translate outside. Do you know what it is?
[2:12] I think a lot of our conversations are conversations that you are, the people are having with their
[2:17] friends in their houses and so it's not like, and we don't go for the shock factor.
[2:23] There's some people sometimes, but then sometimes your conversations with your friends are like that
[2:29] we're not just trying to go for the shock factor. Sometimes I have a strong opinion on things,
[2:34] sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have a strong enough opinion that might shock people, but it's just
[2:40] being free to just say, say what you want to say with innovation. I'm free to say what I want,
[2:46] but it's not as, that's what I need to do, because basically where I'm saying it,
[2:51] because people say it's exactly how I would tell my friend, and it's still shocking even to me that
[2:55] I'm very opinionated, but I don't think it's bad. But outside, when I watch it, people are like,
[3:02] yes, it's true or whatever, there is, you know, I think it's your accent. No, okay, tell me.
[3:11] One of the things that I think it could be is the fact that women and I tend to have, we can
[3:17] have different opinions on things, but it's not a case of we have different opinions and we're
[3:22] fighting. It's like she has an opinion, I have an opinion, they're different, and we realise that
[3:28] we can actually just coexist. I don't need to make her see things my way, she doesn't speak to her.
[3:34] Yes, so what happens? I think unfortunately in this country where, obviously, very passionate,
[3:39] and if I feel some way if I'm completely convicted about something and you might have a different
[3:45] opinion, it's like, why? And I'm at the point where I'm just like, okay, it's, you know, people are
[3:50] different. People are absolutely different and that's fine. So that's one of the things that I think
[3:55] we kind of need to work on a bit more in this country. You can, you can say, you can say something
[4:00] in a certain way, and I can disagree. And just because I disagree, does not mean I want to come and kill
[4:07] you. Sure. Yeah, to you. Yeah, not to you. No, it's exhausting. You go through a lot. I feel
[4:12] like when I get married, though, I also know. You know, you tell me that the person really
[4:25] doesn't know. See stuff like that. I find so hilarious. I love, I think also I have learned
[4:32] to, and this is, I think, a, should I say, coping mechanism. If you're in the public eye,
[4:39] oh, my gosh, you need to, especially in Nigeria, you need to have that baptism of fire,
[4:45] where you get dragged, where you get dragged, and you're just like, did I come and steal from your
[4:50] house? Did I? So once you've been dragged, and you wake up the next day, or, you know, you've been
[4:56] dragged several times, you wake up the next day, and you realize that I didn't die. It survived.
[5:01] Some of you was a bit painful. As a, then I think your perspective changes. It does change. Because
[5:06] you know, there are times now that I will tweet something, now forget about it, and then I'll log
[5:11] back onto Twitter. I'm going to, I'm going to call it Twitter, I don't call it X. And it would just say
[5:16] you're getting a higher number of mentions than normal. And I'm like, what did I say? What did I say?
[5:22] And then, you know, sometimes I look at it, sometimes I just go out, go on about my day, and then
[5:27] guess what? By the next day or within a few hours, someone else would have done something. So yeah,
[5:31] yeah, I mean, coming from your fellow draggy. Is it draggy? Someone that's been
[5:36] dragged. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Actually, on the stand, waking up and saying,
[5:43] it's a lie, guys, survived. Okay. That's nice. Yeah, what's the most painful thing you've heard?
[5:47] Because I'm not sure people understand. They feel like when you say things like, I wake up
[5:52] and I'm okay, but really, sometimes no. It's really painful sometimes. Yeah, oh no, yeah, I've
[5:58] seen some, oh gosh, I've seen some really horrible things, but I have this weird thing about me
[6:03] that if something happens that's particularly painful, my body starts to like clean my memory,
[6:08] just wipe my memory. But in my early days, I and a lot of people don't realize that
[6:17] my job at BTFM, that was my first ever presenting job. I'd never been on radio, I'd never been on TV,
[6:25] I'd never, you know, and I think that I didn't expect what happened. I didn't expect to be
[6:33] known like that. I was just like, oh, you know, this is a cool gig. I just used to music. And then
[6:37] I was, so before I moved to, I was working at MTV. So I was working in the music space. So I was
[6:41] just like, oh, this is fantastic. I get to work within, you know, the music space. And yeah,
[6:45] I'm on air, you know, that's cool. Not a lot of people are going to, you know, really know me.
[6:48] And then things just changed. So I remember within like the first few months of working at BTFM,
[6:55] telling my friends back in London, oh my gosh, everyone here is so nice.
[6:58] They're so nice. Then it began. Yeah. And it was much. It was. So it's like, when you have,
[7:06] it's a weird thing, when you have like, you know, somebody that's kind of new on the scene,
[7:11] when you have like quite a lot of people or quite a few people maybe say, no, I like this person,
[7:15] like that person. There are some people that are like, I want to not like this person. I want to
[7:20] not. Why? Why do you like her? That's the question. Yeah. Why do you like why is she? So it was,
[7:25] it was, it was a few, I wouldn't even say it was longer than a few months of just being, you know,
[7:31] just looking up, going on on social media, just seeing some horrible things and everything.
[7:37] And then in a weird way, it kind of like, because I feel that one of the worst things you could do
[7:44] if you're, if you have any insecurities is doing anything in the public eye. Yes. Because
[7:50] and if, if people can sniff out those insecurities, oh my goodness, they will, yeah. So I remember,
[7:57] I was, oh, just different things. I'm even trying to remember, but like I said, I just like,
[8:02] forget all these things, but I remember there was a time that it just, it just felt too much.
[8:07] It just felt like, you know, it just was just feeling too personal. And I had to ask myself a
[8:13] question like, okay, what I'm doing, just radio thing that I'm doing. Is it worth it? Is it worth
[8:19] the, you know, the, the horrible comments and negativity? And you know, back then, I was when
[8:24] the blogs and the, you know, all those, ah, some people would just anytime they saw my name,
[8:28] they're like, hey, you know, so it was, it was, it was tough. But then I just realized that, um,
[8:35] if I really want to do this, if I want to do well at this, I'm just going to have to lie really,
[8:38] you know, get some thick skin. And also, I've always been a not so serious person. So I would,
[8:48] sometimes I would read the, I would read the insult somehow. Oh my gosh, that was actually funny.
[8:51] And I just, I thought about it this way that this is somebody that doesn't know me.
[8:56] There's somebody that doesn't know me. Somebody that has never met me. Somebody that will
[8:59] probably never meet me. And I also feel that you don't have normal people, like people that are
[9:05] normal, people that are saying, just go online and bash somebody they don't know personally.
[9:10] I always felt the people that did that, people that were very diligence about drag me. I always feel,
[9:16] yeah, I always felt that they, they had problems of their own, that they were just, you know, trying
[9:22] to use me as a distraction. So I don't agree with you though that they're not the people that you
[9:28] would never meet. There are people that you mean. And guess what, they would never be able to say
[9:32] those things. I've, I've hard to express. I'm trying to think about the people that I,
[9:36] that have dragged me, the ones that I'm like, I know your name, I know you know that I've met.
[9:41] And I haven't really met that many people. I think there was, there was somebody.
[9:47] So there was somebody in, there was only in the industry that I always remember this story. So
[9:54] I remember I went to an event. So I have a resting pitch face. And if I'm at an event,
[10:00] if I'm not talking, I'm normally like, and I might not be thinking anything about it. So I just
[10:06] remember this person later told me that this is what happened. They said that their friend had walked
[10:11] into this place. And I was looking at her. And I was like, that's such a dope outfit. But my face
[10:16] was like, I was looking at like, that's such a dope outfit. Like I love her shoes. I love the way
[10:21] she put everything together. So I was looking at her in admiration. But my resting pitch face
[10:27] wasn't saying that. And the person was like, yeah, so I saw that. I saw the way you're looking at
[10:32] my friend and everything. So I decided, they put me on like the worst dress list because of that.
[10:37] She actually said that that's what she did. And I was just like, that is so evil. I mean,
[10:41] that definitely, you know, stuck with me for a while. Because I was just like, wow, did you
[10:46] believe them? Did I believe you in worst dress? Did you believe? I mean, they have some good points.
[10:54] But it just wasn't, it just wasn't like, it was very catchy. It was very catchy. And
[11:02] it just was something that I was just like, oh, that was a bit. And then I think to find out why,
[11:08] you know, and the person said, oh, I had this picture, like it was on my laptop for a while.
[11:13] And then after that, I just pulled it up. So it wasn't even like a recent event. It was an event
[11:17] from like a while ago. And they were almost like, oh, you're looking at my friend bad. So I'm
[11:20] going to some mean girl stuff. And I was like, okay, I used to be friends with the person.
[11:26] I don't know if we were friends, but we were like acquaintances. No, we're cool. We're cool now.
[11:31] Like with stuff like that, I'm not going to, you know, you didn't like, you know, kill my pet or
[11:36] something. So I just was like a little bit, you know, annoyed, I think. But that was years ago.
[11:41] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll try not to forget that. Because that was me. It's not like you upset
[11:48] and said something. You just mean straight me. Yeah, yeah. I've seen a lot of that on,
[11:53] you know, I don't know what to call this industry, but it's a lot out there. One of the things
[11:58] that we said about you doesn't I remember. Yeah. It was something you did on your dining.
[12:04] So two things I saw, you're always so like you know the guests from somewhere. That's always how
[12:08] you interview. I really can't tell if you know them or you don't know them, but you're,
[12:12] you're there's a way that you act like, oh, I know you and you're always so chilled. I really love that.
[12:17] But I saw the snippet on on Twitter. And the person said, oh,
[12:24] choose us left with all these boys. I did see that. And that that went off. Did you ever,
[12:29] do you remember that? I don't, I don't remember seeing that one. Yeah. I saw that. And it went off.
[12:34] And it went off. And then there was comments. This was years ago. So you can't know how I
[12:38] used to watch. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember that. All these boys.
[12:42] And I got so mad. I did another post. Yeah. I had to do what the call, what a
[12:48] episode. That's what they call it when I write. I did another episode because I couldn't refer
[12:52] directly out to talk about why do you think every woman who's been at the top has left it,
[12:57] you know, different men. If you're a woman and you haven't slept with people at the top,
[13:02] because I'm not blaming those who are for everyone who should use what they want to get. But just
[13:06] please, can you, you know, um, see, they were there. I got flak for that to say, what do you mean?
[13:13] Why? Why would you say that woman? I know. So people that have slipped. I can talk about
[13:21] like my experience. And that was the style of interview that I got comfortable that I was
[13:28] comfortable with. And I wouldn't say, if you check my interviews with female celebrities,
[13:33] male celebrities, it's the same energy. I can't even think about it. It's the same energy.
[13:37] I just saw your interview. Yeah. So what I try to do is I try to make them people comfortable
[13:43] because I always thought that, um, this isn't somebody that I want to just interview once.
[13:49] I'd like them to have a good enough time. So they will be like, oh, yeah. I want to come on
[13:55] again. Absolutely. And as well, I like to have fun. I'm not the kind of person that would just be
[14:00] like, I'm not Christina Mampo. So did you do this? Because that's not my job. That's not my job.
[14:04] So I want to, you know, if we both look like we're having fun, then the person watching is also
[14:10] going to have fun. Absolutely. If you have a situation where you're like, badgering like a, um,
[14:15] a guest and you're trying to, you know, force them to, you know, answer certain questions.
[14:18] It's uncomfortable for everybody. So that's, I mean, like I said, I've been in this industry for
[14:23] years. I've heard, I've heard different rumors. I've heard another one. Okay. But I know that
[14:30] it's that what that trended a while. Now, but it wasn't about you. It was said before about you.
[14:34] Nepal baby. Okay. We hear that one. Um, break it down for me. How am I going to say it? Oh,
[14:41] the, the, the job was that it means I'm the kind of reason you don't need a job. You're after all
[14:46] the, the princess and that's a king. And that's oh, you got the job because of, you know,
[14:53] because that you are privileged or something like that. I didn't do it all of that. So you
[14:56] didn't hear that. Oh, you forgot to tell me that it's one of the things I like if it's,
[15:01] if it's like a good few years ago, if it's not serving any purpose, like my brain just says,
[15:06] okay, we don't need that information anymore. But in terms of Nepal baby, so I, I find it so funny.
[15:13] So I will say I, I'm not ignorant of my privileges. I'm not ignorant of that. I think
[15:21] it'd be very stupid of me to say that. But in terms of people say that what, like my dad,
[15:27] maybe called the station and said, give my dog a job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, didn't have that way.
[15:31] So, so, and first of all, people that said she doesn't need a job. Look, my dad had like 20
[15:35] something children. I need a job. I need a job. So as much as you can, you can say, oh, look at
[15:41] on here. Look at this. There are a lot of us. And I started and you also need to remember that
[15:46] I started before I moved back, I was already kind of doing my own thing. It's and I started working
[15:52] when I was 15. I started working at 15 as an Italian restaurant. And I was washing dishes in the
[15:58] kitchen. And I wanted to do that because I wanted my own money. I would, and I was earning like,
[16:03] I don't know, 40 pounds a week or something, but it was my money. Yeah. Yeah. It was my money.
[16:08] And I've always kind of, you know, really strive to be like that independent person. I've never,
[16:15] one of the things that my late dad made God rest his soul. One of the things that he said to me
[16:19] that I just really will remember and I appreciate is, the fact that he said, you don't ask me for a lot.
[16:26] And this was, so this was, let me say, this was around my wedding. Yeah.
[16:29] And everything was just getting way, way expensive, like super expensive. And I was just like,
[16:35] we need to pay for this. We need to pay for that and everything. And he already said, I think this
[16:39] was when I had decided that I wanted to go to Dubai. And he was like, no, we're not going to
[16:44] Dubai. We're doing everything in the palace. And I was like, I know, I don't want to go to Dubai.
[16:47] And I remember, you know, I told him the bill and he was like, what? So we, I think we'd paid for
[16:53] something then you, I mean, you're getting married. So you know, sometimes you have this budget and
[16:58] then this happens and this happens. And this happens. I just remember saying to him, you know,
[17:02] this, this happened. And he's just like, but I've paid this. And I just remember like just putting
[17:08] my sad face. And then he's like, oh, but you don't really ask me for a lot. And I will always
[17:12] forget that because that meant that a lot of what I did, I did it myself. So he no sister. Yes.
[17:19] And the people that said, it's actually hilarious when I hear that because the story of me moving
[17:23] back, when I graduated from university, my dad was like, okay, graduated. It's time come back,
[17:30] come tonight, you're working in, you know, the family business, of course, which is property and
[17:33] everything. And I'm just like, no, I'm loving London. And you know, and I hadn't been to, I hadn't
[17:38] been, even to visit Nigeria in like gosh, about 10 years. So I didn't know what was going on.
[17:43] So I eventually, I came for my cousin's wedding. It was during December. So it was a dirty
[17:50] December that convinced me to move. Well, I had this, there was a dirty December. I think it was,
[17:54] I want to say 2007, it was mad. And by that time I was already getting bored in London.
[18:00] And so I came for the wedding. And I had the best one ever. And I was like, let me give Lagos
[18:05] like six months. So I was supposed to go to start in the, you know, family business, which I did.
[18:11] But when I moved back, I didn't have, I didn't have any friends. I knew obviously my family and,
[18:17] you know, cousins. And somebody had told me about the station before I moved back to Nigeria.
[18:23] And I was like, this could be a cool way to meet, you know, to make friends and to meet, you
[18:28] know, people, my age and everything. So it was literally supposed to be like a little side hustle,
[18:32] as well as, you know, doing the family business. So for the people that felt that my dad got me
[18:37] this job, he was actually against it. I was scared. I thought I actually, there are a few times
[18:42] that I really thought my dad was going to call my boss and say, she's not working there anymore.
[18:46] Like he literally would be like, you're going to that place again. And I'm like, yes, that,
[18:49] it's so weird. It's, it sounds like a film. You know, one of those films when the, the person's
[18:53] like, I just want to sing. I'm like, I just want to be on air. And he's like, he's like, that's
[18:58] the one I actually come back here for. So yeah, no, never, baby, that in fact, what's the
[19:02] opposite? Like my dad was trying to squash the whole radio thing. Yeah, he was like, that's not
[19:06] what I asked you to do. I mean, there's a lot of things that you can't convince people. Sometimes life
[19:11] just, it's okay. You believe what you want to believe. You know, I think, I think again, this is
[19:15] something that I learned from this industry that was, I don't really want to go into, but there was
[19:19] a horrible like a rumor that I heard this was like years ago. And I was so upset. I was so upset.
[19:25] And I literally was saying, okay, what am I going to do? Should I go online? Should I say this?
[19:29] Should I say that? And I was like, what am I going to do? Am I going to knock on everyone's door?
[19:33] Like, hi, I'm tools. You may have read this about me. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true.
[19:37] Hi, you know, so I just had to learn to, to a certain extent, to let things go. And if it's
[19:44] something that I can't let go, let my lawyers do it. Yeah. Or you even, I mean, I always tell people
[19:49] that if it has to do with my integrity, I have to talk about it. Yeah. But if it's just rumor,
[19:53] if it's, you know, and all of those things, I think it's okay. Sometimes you just, you know,
[19:58] you let them talk and be a member of it. But how was your, because it was so easy for me to
[20:05] believe that you've worked in radio before, because I used to listen to you on radio,
[20:09] I said, young, baby, you had so much fun. You guys were having fun. See, I could tell.
[20:14] Honestly, this is somebody that I said I worked at MTV before I left the UK. BFM was just,
[20:21] I had so much fun there. I had so much fun. I just remember, like, it just, I just remember
[20:27] literally just going out, being outside and just really enjoying, you know, what I did.
[20:35] Yeah. So it was for me, it was, it was a great place to work.
[20:43] You know, I'm sure you've heard about different radio stations and everything, but I was,
[20:47] you know, shout out to Mr. Chris, shout out to Deji. We had our issues, but ultimately,
[20:53] I mean, I was there for a while. Should people still want to work in radio?
[20:58] Because it feels like radio is so radio, radio is changing. I feel that radio and TV are changing.
[21:05] So traditional media platforms are definitely changing. So if you're thinking of working
[21:11] on radio, perhaps consider digital radio, consider like online radio, yeah, podcasting,
[21:19] and the same with TV as well, because I think we are all at the point where we want to, the way
[21:25] we consume and same in this difference, it's like on our own terms. Everybody knows that radio,
[21:30] something happens at two o'clock. It happens at two o'clock. So I think a lot of radio stations
[21:35] are adopting this whole, like whatever they have on air, they have it on their websites as well,
[21:40] or there's, there's a way for you to consume the entertainment, like on social media platforms as well.
[21:47] When you started, because people were saying from radio to hosting, I mean, I'm not, I'm not talking
[21:52] about, um, Danny, I'm not like actually hosting gigs. Do you, was it difficult, or it was just,
[22:00] I can do this, or did you have to psych yourself up every time you go to a stage?
[22:03] Can I start your secret? Yeah, I still have to psych myself up. I don't like, I think of all the,
[22:08] all the things I do, I think hosting and I'm seeing is the one that I'm like, okay, you can do this,
[22:15] you can do this, and why it's because people have it. So a lot of people don't actually realise that
[22:21] number one, I'm actually socially awkward at number two, I'm, I'm a naturally shy person. So people
[22:27] that knew me, like, you know, when I was much young, when I was a kid, when I was a teenager,
[22:31] when they find out I'm doing this, they're like, that's crazy. So sometimes I, that's, that's
[22:37] kind of just groups me and attacks me, and I'm just like, I'm in a stage, I'm in a stage, I'm in a stage,
[22:43] so yeah, I'm working on it. I always wondered, because I see how playful, no, I can't simply
[22:48] goofies what I would call you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so goofies that would call you,
[22:53] and then you became a mother, yeah, and you were still goofy. I'm so, oh my gosh, you know,
[22:58] it's, and when you became goofy with the whole motherhood thing, but then because I always like look
[23:05] behind none of that, and say, how was that? How was, how was the beginning of motherhood? For
[23:11] somebody who is goofy, who is outside, who, you know, and then you just, you have a gravy.
[23:18] I think, let me just talk about me, my experience. I think becoming a mom
[23:24] is one of the best things that's happened to me. Honestly, it's one of the best things that's
[23:30] happened to me, and it makes you see life differently, and then it makes you, your goals are different,
[23:37] your, you know, just, there's so many different things, and also right now, I'm at the stage where
[23:42] I'm like living, living my life through like the eyes of my children, so things that they're
[23:48] discovering that maybe I just kind of forgot, I'm just like, oh, that's really cool. You know,
[23:53] the other day, we're talking about snow, and we travel, but my kids never, they've never seen snow,
[23:58] which is weird. So I was just like, oh, wow, that would be so much fun to take them to, I don't know
[24:04] somewhere that there's like a lot of snow for Christmas. So I just, I just see things differently.
[24:09] I'm still a goofy mom, I think. I think I annoy my kids sometimes, especially my oldest. Yeah,
[24:13] it looks like you're stressing the boy. Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes. I just always wanted to,
[24:18] how is that? How is no changes? If it's been the best thing that happens to you, because I've
[24:23] had a lot of stories, and women would say, this is what motherhood has done. I love my children,
[24:27] but this is how my life is now. Yeah, not one of them are money. We're talking about the changes
[24:32] of the body, the changes in, yeah. What do you want to talk about the changes? The changes,
[24:37] that's what I was trying to say, because I say you get goofy and I'm like, okay, like what,
[24:42] what other part of that? Because yes, it's amazing. This children are amazing. You love them.
[24:45] Oh, my gosh, love them. Yeah, but then the changes that is done,
[24:48] mentally, physically, for you. Okay, so what do you changes? See, your body is never going to be
[24:54] the same unless you decide to like, you know, go under the knife, which, you know, everyone
[24:59] wants to do that. Absolutely. Yeah. And then you're, I was talking about this year of the day, I,
[25:05] since I became a mom, I sleep differently. And I was actually looking, I was looking into it,
[25:12] and there's something that happens to your brain. So it's like your, once you become a mom,
[25:17] it's like you sleep lighter. So you can hear what you're doing to them. But I thought I was just
[25:22] for the newborn stage, but you know, now that my, you know, their young band, I'm just like,
[25:29] why am I so sleeping like that? So that's one of the big changes. And I just, it's, there's a balance.
[25:37] So I think that if there's one thing some, I wish somebody had told me, it's just to get the
[25:44] right balance because when, you know, you become a wife, when you become a mom, your, you kind of
[25:51] can lose your identity a little bit, if you're not very intentional. So I would have wanted
[25:58] somebody to still do the things that I love doing, still do the things that I, you know,
[26:03] that make me feel alive. And as a mom as well, I think it's important to do those things.
[26:09] So your kids gets the best version of you. Because if you're literally just mom, wife,
[26:14] mom, wife, mom, wife, and you don't have, you don't have that space for you. You don't have like,
[26:20] you're free time. Yeah. For example, if you like, I, yes, it took a second for me to realize
[26:26] what was going on, which is so weird, because I thought I was very, you know, clocked in and
[26:30] everything and there was a time that I just realized, oh my gosh, I've kind of lost myself in this.
[26:34] I am living only for them. Yes. So it's like kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids,
[26:38] which, which I think I'm not saying you shouldn't do that, but I think it's all about getting a
[26:42] balance. Because if you, if that's all you do, it's only natural, but you'd be cranky. It's only
[26:49] natural that you kind of, you know, get irritable. But if you're doing like, I don't, if you love dancing,
[26:54] if dancing is your thing, I think make some time, make some time, make it like a priority.
[26:59] If you like getting, you know, your nails done, your hair done, if you like, all of that,
[27:04] if you like going to the gym, make it a priority because it's, it's part of what makes you,
[27:09] it's part of what kind of feeds your soul. So yeah, I wish somebody would have told me that.
[27:14] I mean, I've learned it now. So every now and then, you know, and these kids,
[27:18] these kids are much stronger than you think. You think, oh my gosh, they're going to be away from
[27:22] mommy for like a deal too. They're fine. They are very fine. Do you feel bad? Did you feel about the first
[27:27] time you realized that? I think they were fine without you. The first, oh, okay. So yeah. So I
[27:33] traveled, imagine, I didn't travel without my kids for a few years after they were born. Like,
[27:41] I didn't, I just didn't, I was traveling, but I was traveling with my kids all the time. And
[27:45] so I traveled earlier this year. And obviously, you know, like a day or two, I was before I was
[27:51] saying, this is, you know, mommy's traveling and this, that way you go in, where you going,
[27:55] and I'm like, oh, I've got to go and do this and everything. How long are you going to be gone for
[27:58] like, okay, about two weeks? And then I started getting, I started feeling bad. And I even got like
[28:02] a bit tearful. And I'm just like, my babies, my babies, and I traveled. And I spoke to them,
[28:08] I think, when I landed all the next day. And their first thing is, oh, have you
[28:14] wore anything for us yet? And I'm like, no, I just landed. They were okay. And this is these are
[28:18] kids that I was on the plane then. They said their highs. They said their highs. Oh, you know,
[28:24] what's it like over there? And they were back to playing. And I was just like, can I
[28:28] continue talking? No. So they're done. So they like, then they, I will call back. I think I
[28:34] remember that very day. This is the next day after I landed. I, you know, we'll call back again.
[28:39] And I hear them in the background. But we spoke to her already. I can't just like.
[28:44] So honestly, she just showed it just showed me that if I needed to take a few days,
[28:52] it'd be okay. They are fine. They are fine. Because I think sometimes some moms, they kind of
[28:58] feel like, no, I need to be there. They might need me. They're like, yeah, children are very
[29:01] durable. Obviously, you're not like, if you have like two, we call them more three. But I think
[29:06] it's also important to have a solid team around you. So, you know, I'm very thankful for like my
[29:11] team at home that, you know, make sure my kids are fine. And I didn't imagine I bought them
[29:16] like a gift. And I showed them. And they were like, hmm, is that, is that all you bought
[29:22] us? Like, you know what? I'll never get anything again. Well, yes. But I think, I think I
[29:27] won't be spoiling this little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's fantastic, fantastic
[29:31] to see here. I'm so sorry to interrupt your watching. But many of you have not subscribed. I know
[29:36] you want to subscribe, but you sometimes forget or you're enjoying it too much. You move on
[29:40] right after. So, take a few seconds. Click the subscribe button. Let's continue watching.
[29:47] I want anytime we're talking about social media. And I see how sometimes social media can be
[29:51] too to help us heal when you talked about your miscarriage. Did you heal from that? We're
[29:57] able to help other women because for me, the comments were so crazy. And how people also shared,
[30:03] you know, some of, because somebody sent that to me. And, you know, how they also experienced,
[30:07] you know, that's, and that was so sad. I'm truly sorry that you went through that.
[30:11] Um, it's, I think with stuff like this, it's like a journey. So you heal, each year, you heal
[30:17] a little bit, you heal a little bit. And I think one of the things that has helped me heal is
[30:24] basically just talking to, you know, women that have gone through similar things. And like, my
[30:30] DMs, oh my gosh, my DMs are like, on via and sometimes, sometimes I, if I have to be honest,
[30:36] I can't deal with it because it's just, it's too much. But, um, what has really sort of helped
[30:44] with my healing journey and what really makes me happy is, um, let's say about, you know, two years
[30:49] before, you know, somebody sent me a message and they said, look, what you went through, I,
[30:55] I've gone through that. How did you get through it? How did you not run mad? And I'm just like,
[30:58] I completely understand everything you're going through. I get it. It just, you just need to give
[31:03] yourself time. You just need to figure out what happened. And in the last sort of few years,
[31:08] what has really made me happy is when I get messages like about a year or so after and I see
[31:13] baby pictures. So there was, there was a lady, she was somewhere in the Caribbean and she sent me
[31:19] like a baby picture and I just was like, and I get that often. And it makes me so happy because
[31:25] when I was going through it, the one thing that I wanted was I wanted somebody that had maybe
[31:30] gone through it to say, look, it's pretty shit. Can I swear? It's pretty shitty now, but
[31:35] you're going to be fine. You're going to get through it. And guess what? You're going to have,
[31:38] you know, two or three people just making noise in your house, not even understanding what's
[31:43] going on. Um, yes, so it's a journey. It's a journey. Did you get that? Did you get people
[31:48] somebody else? So what I found was that a lot of people don't talk about it. A lot of people
[31:54] don't talk about it. Um, I remember my mom briefly mentioned what she went through but we never
[32:00] risked her body. And I was just like, I need to talk about it. I need to understand like,
[32:05] you know, why did it happen? What happened? And, you know, so I didn't find, um, I mean, maybe they're
[32:10] like one or two people. And when I say talk about it, it was kind of like, oh, yeah, that happened
[32:16] to me. But nobody tells you like, this is my process. This is what I do. Yeah, nobody tells me
[32:21] like, oh my gosh, I felt like jumping off the bridge. Yeah. I felt like, you know, literally,
[32:26] I just couldn't bear it anymore. I couldn't. And, you know, the whole, am I actually ever going to be
[32:32] a mom? All of those conversations, I just didn't really find somebody that would, that was really
[32:38] ready to sit down and listen. Yeah. So in a way, that's what I didn't find. I think that's
[32:45] what I kind of became. Yeah. You know, um, so if you do slide in my DM, if you say, look, this is,
[32:50] I'll say, I understand. And one of the first things I always say is try and find out what happened
[32:55] because the worst thing you can do is if you have like a, you know, miscarriage, especially if it's
[32:59] like a late term to just quickly get pregnant again and not understand what happened, um, give
[33:03] yourself time, you know, know that it's not something that you're going to heal from instantly.
[33:10] Yeah, just, you know, give yourself time, grieve, because sometimes we don't, we're not
[33:15] encouraged to grieve because you lost, especially I think it's different. Um, if you, if you have a
[33:21] couple, they both lost, you know, a couple of lost, but it's different for the woman because this
[33:27] life was inside you. This life was inside you. This was like, you were living life together.
[33:32] You know, so I don't like it when they, um, when a woman goes through that and then they kind of
[33:38] are just like, just forget it, just forget it. I think it's important to grieve to go through
[33:42] that feeling of, you know, because that baby was, you know, represented hope, represented so many
[33:47] different things. So I think it's, it's important to grieve, um, and to just give yourself time and
[33:54] space. Yeah. I read somewhere, you know, not somewhere in my dear, I think I posted it where the
[33:59] lady said that's how she finds a difficult for her husband to console her. Like she didn't, she,
[34:08] it wasn't what she needed at the time and he did not get it. Like you're not the one I need now,
[34:14] but she's also couldn't tell him what she needed. Do you see how that can be difficult?
[34:19] Yes. Yes. Like you had a miscarriage. Both of you were expecting this child, but then the man
[34:24] cannot console you. So you're making, he's not able to do anything. I, I think that's down to their
[34:31] relationship, even outside of that, because if your partner, this is your, you know,
[34:37] life partner, if you're going through something difficult and they can't console you, whether that's
[34:41] a miscarriage, whether that's something else, that's like an issue. So this is somebody that you've
[34:47] essentially gone through this together with. So they should, they might not be able to fully
[34:52] console you, but they should be able to, you know, provide some kind of comfort. Yeah. So I think
[34:58] it's probably deeper than, you know, the miscarriage, I think it's probably their actual relationship.
[35:03] Yeah, true. I didn't, I didn't even think about it like that. I was just like, I thought,
[35:07] you need to be console, you know, because he lost somebody. And then maybe he's just being,
[35:11] you know, there's some people that are not, they don't know how to handle things sensitively,
[35:16] the ones that will kind of just say, you know, and this one's gone, this, you know,
[35:20] something else will happen. And so maybe, maybe he's also not using the right words as well.
[35:24] That's true. But no, I just, I just can't fathom that to my head.
[35:28] Truly, like you both lost somebody. I would just say, just let it go. Just,
[35:31] there's some people, there's so many, there's, there's so many people that, and I've read about
[35:37] couples that have experienced loss and that broke them up. Yeah, because they weren't able to come
[35:42] together and deal with it. Yeah. They weren't able to come together like, you know, maybe one person
[35:48] just doesn't want to talk about it. One person does. Yeah. And if you're thinking about it,
[35:52] if you, if you, you've got gone through lots, who do you want to talk to about it more than anything?
[35:56] Yes. The person that you went through it with. So if you're not able to understand each other,
[36:02] you know, communicate, well, yeah, that can be quite bad for the relationship.
[36:07] The issue of being married, and on married, and it being a big insult, like that's the only way
[36:15] people feel like they can actually attack you. How does, how do you feel about that? Like I said,
[36:20] I find it. It's not even you as a person. It's just the way people just, I find it hilarious.
[36:26] You know, I find it hilarious. As somebody, as somebody that's been married for
[36:32] a few months, it's gonna be 10 years. Wow. Yeah, it's gonna be 10 years. Look, marriage is not easy.
[36:37] Marriage is not easy. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. Right is not easy. So if anybody is like,
[36:45] that's why I don't rush to get married. Just do things that you're on pace because all the people
[36:49] that are, you know, you're not married, you know, you're not married. Yes. If you go and make
[36:52] the wrong mistake, end up with the wrong person, these people are going to be nowhere to be found.
[36:56] You won't be able to find it. You're going to be the one that's going to stick with.
[36:59] There's going to be dealing with decision you made. I find it very funny because I just think
[37:03] it's ridiculous. I think it's ridiculous that you can look at somebody. You can look at their
[37:08] achievements. You can look at all the different things they've done in this world and reduce them to
[37:12] nothing because they're not married. I think that's that's on you. That's on that's a very
[37:17] dark way to think. Do you look at sometimes, sometimes, and this is like me trying to get
[37:21] inside information now. Okay. Do you look at artists that, you know, more than us, right? Do you
[37:29] look at some artists that like, you know, what do we, like, I mean, you look at big artists that,
[37:34] like, we see them. Yeah. They are, they're big. They're doing, but do you sometimes look at them,
[37:41] not all of them. Like, I know where you're coming from. I know the story.
[37:46] I'm thankful that I've been in this industry for a while. I've seen, I've seen some amazing,
[37:51] amazing success stories. I think one of the things that I will always remember is when Aissa came
[38:02] with David and he brought his first single. And you know, David was there and I listened to him.
[38:07] And I was just like, oh, this is nice. This is cool. So to see. Do you think he was going to be
[38:10] famous? Did you listen to that? This person is going to be famous. I think I really like the song.
[38:18] It was very catchy. And at that time, catchy music was, was it the person that I was
[38:24] pretty certain that if you did the right things, you'd be very, he'd be very, very successful
[38:29] was a burner because I'd always said to him that his sound was very unique. Yeah, it was very
[38:36] unique. And it was, he was able to adapt it. And I think that's definitely been, you know,
[38:42] part of his success. Look, when are you and what people love you? That's it. You made this.
[38:46] You made this. When are you and people that you don't love you, they're buying your albums,
[38:50] they're buying like, you know, you know, concert tickets. That's, yeah, that's it. You've crossed
[38:55] over for this issue with Kim and Nigeria. I don't see. I don't know. I don't know. I think that
[39:03] so burn as a cancer and like me. And I don't always do this, but, you know, as a as a cancer,
[39:08] I'm very sensitive. I think when his birth is like on my, I'm six of July. He's like on the four
[39:12] for whatever. But I think he's a very sensitive person. He's a very, very sensitive person. So
[39:18] when you're a sensitive person, you, you react in one or two ways. You, you can basically, you know,
[39:24] be offended and, you know, be upset and maybe go crime room or there you can, you know, kind of
[39:29] do the opposites. And that's, I think, a lot of what he does. So I think because I've known him
[39:36] for like years and that's, that's what he's, he's done. And it's just like now, it's on a much
[39:42] grand scale, but yeah, but I think he sometimes thinks that a lot of people dislike him. And
[39:49] they've always disliked him. And that's not true. I, well, now a few things have happened,
[39:55] but back in the day, I don't think so. Yeah. What do you think about cancer culture?
[39:59] Cancer culture. I think sometimes it's necessary. I think, right now, I think we are in a
[40:06] space where we're super sensitive. And then sometimes the, the cancer culture just doesn't make sense.
[40:13] And I think that we can also be a bit human. Like if somebody has made a mistake, which we all do,
[40:24] somebody has made a mistake and they admit that they made a mistake and they're trying to,
[40:28] you know, sort of make up for it and everything, that's fine. I think the difference between like,
[40:33] you know, what's happening now and a good, good few years ago, with social media.
[40:36] We used to make mistakes all the time. And, you know, now it's like, oh my gosh, you know,
[40:40] still the person. And within reason, of course, there's certain things that I'm just like, no, no,
[40:45] no, but I think we can just be a bit more, you know, human with each other. I think there's some
[40:49] people that just enjoy, you know, getting something, have it seen somebody be canceled and everything.
[40:55] And I don't think that's what I feel. I feel like people enjoy, like, I don't like this person.
[40:59] I'm just waiting for the person to do something. And then I would join the bandwagon to cancel them.
[41:03] Yeah. I mean, a lot of things I feel should be, yes, if you are canceled, you're canceled.
[41:10] For example, DD, yes, I don't mind him being canceled. I don't mind him being canceled.
[41:17] But also another example, one, I mind him being canceled, because I feel like they are,
[41:22] it's not perfect, but what is this whole thing, canceling, canceling, canceling, it feels like
[41:27] a lot to me. You know what, you know what it is? Nigerians love. I was going to say Nigerians love
[41:33] humility, but let me, let me correct it. Nigerians love the, the idea of humility. Like they,
[41:42] they love when you appear to be humble. So if you, like, I don't, I'm just crazy because I'm just
[41:48] like, well, that person could just be faking it. No, they don't care. They don't care. They don't care.
[41:54] So the fact that he's not really humble. And he just never given the air of, you know, humility.
[42:00] I think that's that's another reason. But yeah, it's just, it's crazy. Yeah, it's actually crazy.
[42:08] Appearance of humility isn't just true. At some points when I came out of anonymity and one
[42:16] pair of persons told me, if you cannot be talking about, I did this, I did this, I have this,
[42:24] calm down to the level of Nigerians. And just really shocked me because why do you want me to do that?
[42:31] I, you see now, they'll start hitting on you. You know when you're writing behind the thing,
[42:35] it was good. Nobody saw, but now you're out and you're, and she was correct. She was very right.
[42:40] Have you had your baptism of fire? You find yourself, you're fine. You got to worry, you're fine.
[42:47] And the thing is, if, if, if there was one thing that, um, about this industry that I wish somebody
[42:53] had told me, when you, you, you get dragged, don't go and hide, be in people's faces. People's in
[43:00] place. I thank you very much. So I literally, I think the first few times I would get dragged,
[43:05] I literally would just go off today and go, oh my god, oh my god, no. And if I had known, I would have
[43:09] been pushing the quietest pictures, just taking and just, you know, I do say, I've never,
[43:14] every single time I get dragged, I don't stop doing what I was supposed to do. Like, I'm not going
[43:18] to stop pushing, I'm not going to stop talking. You know what's, you'd be fine. You know,
[43:23] come on. They'll drag somebody else. They'll drag somebody else. They'll come back to their,
[43:26] you know, but they'll be fine. Do you like my skin? Do you like my skin? I'm sure you do. My
[43:32] skin is powered by dang lifestyle. The skincare brands specifically tailored for people like you.
[43:40] Go to danglasar.co.getyos. Use the discounts code on the screen to get 10% off. Let's take
[43:45] up that. Okay. I, I, I, affair, tools, promise, promise to be kind, to be honest, to be honest,
[43:53] and to not ask if fair who wrote in the story, and to not ask if fair who wrote in the story.
[43:59] Dear, if fair, my husband and I got married less than five years ago. We didn't have sex
[44:04] before marriage. I never spoke deeply about each other's sexual fantasies. A few months after the
[44:10] wedding, he asked me how I felt about inner sex. And I told him it's not something I like or even
[44:18] want to try. There wasn't much to it then. So I just thought he must have picked it up from
[44:23] porn. If he is later, he kept bringing it up again and again. He wants me to swallow his calm
[44:30] and also consents to inner sex. We know I grew to the first one. He brought another one.
[44:36] These are the two sexual acts I cannot indulge in. Most times when he mentions this, I dismiss it.
[44:43] I need to mention that two years ago, he decided to leave his job and build a business. That's
[44:47] the story for another day. There's been no income coming in from his side for the past one and a
[44:52] half years. And I've had to take on multiple jobs so we could have enough because we stay outside
[44:58] Nigeria. We also have an energetic toddler that I have to take care of. In between these, I work
[45:04] from home and have to take multiple jobs working late into the night sometimes. He brought up the
[45:09] inner sex again, and it was a serious conversation this time. I forgot to mention that I have
[45:14] hemorrhoids, although not serious, but sometimes uncomfortable. He said I hid it from him when we're
[45:20] dating. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal to me because it wasn't a block out to my lifestyle.
[45:24] And I never knew this would come up. According to him, he started a vaginal sex. I want to have
[45:31] wild sexual exploration. I have not come. I'm not afraid because I've forgotten to leave
[45:39] life due to bills that need to be paid and taking care of our child. I pay for everything
[45:45] concerning our child down to nursery fees, diapers, and anything else because he doesn't have an
[45:51] income right now. I lost it when he suggested surgery to remove the hemorrhoids. I asked him,
[45:57] so you prefer I go through enormous pain, just so you can have pleasurable sexual experience.
[46:04] In his words, he said, he will stay with me just like he did during the CS birth of our child.
[46:11] Uncle, it's not the same thing. I cannot imagine that this is coming out of your mouth.
[46:15] Well, he said, your parents should have done the surgery for you when you were younger.
[46:20] I was pissed, but I kept my call so I asked him, if you have a young child with hemorrhoids,
[46:25] that's not life training. We do do a surgery to her without her consent. He said he didn't see
[46:30] anything wrong in that. He's a good father and a good man. If I hear somebody call good man one
[46:37] more time in my ear, let me take that again. He's a good father and a good man. I want to assume he's
[46:43] just learning to be a husband because I definitely went through the worst when we had our child
[46:48] just because I opted for CS birth. I wanted to try formula feeding. I have told them it has two
[46:53] options on the table. First, it's a consult, the annoying fantasies, and the second one would be
[46:59] for him to go and explore his sexual adventures outside with someone else. I'm 100% fine with it.
[47:08] I'm not sure I feel love for him anymore. I just want him to be there for a child who adores him.
[47:13] I'm not going to subject myself to his selfie desires. He said, all my people have in our sex.
[47:18] Please, is it true? I don't know. I just got married. What do you think?
[47:24] Where do we start? Yes. It's a lot. Where do we start? First of all, how dare you be worried about
[47:33] your fantasies overpaying bills in the house? Are you okay? First of all, even if she was inclined
[47:39] to consider this, she's got bills to pay, she's got work, she's got to look after the child, and you are
[47:45] just, it's really good to see. So, you said be kind. Yes. What, how did you end up with this rubbish guy?
[47:56] Is that not kind? It's a real question. That's kinder than what I really wanted to say.
[48:00] It's a real question, because this is somebody, and why is he so obsessed with back there?
[48:05] Yeah, like why? Why? Can we check? Yeah, and then to have hemorrhoids,
[48:12] and then it's very to be paid. I think married couples, I think couples should fully communicate
[48:19] and explore their fantasies, but if your partner is very, very uncomfortable about something,
[48:24] you need to respect that. You know what I think she should do? I think she should, this is kind of
[48:31] ish. Yes. So, I think she should say to him that yes, she would agree to this whole anal thing,
[48:39] but I think she should ask him for a threesome with him and another man. Okay, he's not going to
[48:45] do that. I don't want to answer on Abiaf. He's not going to do that. Yeah, that's my fantasy.
[48:53] That's it. Yeah, that's so if he wants her to consider what he wants, she needs to consider that,
[48:59] and she gets to pick who it is. Yes. Well, you know what, if you don't agree, he's obsessed with that,
[49:07] you might say like yeah, come bring the guy and let's think about it too. That's what we
[49:15] will not find out what the real issue is. Well, you know, either way, it's like a kind of like a
[49:20] weird really because then at least she knows for sure. She just called the guy a good man.
[49:23] She knows what she's going to do. She said he's a good father. She said a good man.
[49:28] Oh, I thought she said good father. He said he's a good father and a good man. That's not a good man.
[49:32] Definitely not a good man. If he's a good father, that can continue. You don't have to be he can,
[49:39] I mean, if he really is who we're thinking he is, he can't find himself a good man and still be a
[49:49] good father. Maybe. Yeah. So it's like, I've given you one or two solutions there. That's fair.
[49:55] She says she's okay with him going outside to explore. What is he going to bring back?
[50:03] Yeah. Yeah. But now that you say it, I'm quite concerned about his beauty fetish.
[50:09] You need to be concerned because when I was reading this letter, of course, we've
[50:14] said it before, at 4,900 comments. That's how you should know how. What were they saying? Crazy.
[50:20] Like, madam, let this guy go and do what he needs to do. Maybe.
[50:24] Outside. Maybe. Because it's obvious. I don't know. I'm making an assumption on here.
[50:29] I think she should still tell him that she wants to have a threesome with another man. Yeah.
[50:34] Most men will reject that so quickly. Quickly. If he's excited, you know why? I think she can still do that.
[50:42] That's that's something. Yes. That's something. And if it's if he's trying to get it to do something
[50:47] that you're you've been uncomfortable with from day one, that's not. And what do you say about
[50:52] a C-section? Yeah. That's ridiculous. Yeah. That's ridiculous. In saying she should have surgery
[50:57] just so he can be. It can have in our sex. What did every, you said all my couples do it? Do they?
[51:05] I don't know. Is that true? I lost. Tell us in the comments. Tell us in the comments.
[51:10] Let's do the percentage of the thing. I'm just most annoyed about is the fact that she has
[51:17] like real life worries. She has, you know, she's thinking about what to put during this. And you
[51:22] your big head. I think come and bring your bum bum. Let me know. No. I think work on making sure
[51:29] your bills are paid. Everything sorted out. Yeah. She's not working her ass off. And you know kids,
[51:36] kids, okay. One kid. The child is okay. And make sure that's why before you start harassing her
[51:42] let's. Yeah. Is this a ledges reason to actually leave someone? Seeing us a lot of people say
[51:49] chitin is not a deal breaker for them. This is this is I think that different layers to this. I think
[51:58] there is I think it was definitely need to talk about his sexuality definitely. And I think because
[52:05] it seems like a some kind of like in, you know, fluctuation. And then for her to have said this
[52:13] is uncomfortable for me. And I have hemorrhage. I have this. It should be something that bring
[52:19] something else the table. People really have just one fantasy. Can we talk about it? Okay. This one
[52:24] no. I cannot do it next up. What can you do? Okay. This one. That's actually what the way I
[52:30] understand it. As couple, you should literally have that conversation. Yes. This is one of my
[52:35] fantasies. This is one of my fantasies. This is one of my fantasies. Your partner would be like
[52:38] hell. No. No. To that one. This one. Maybe. But it's all about meeting each meeting each other
[52:44] in the middle. Yeah. You know, and she needs to. She need what are her fantasies? And they see,
[52:48] you know, yeah. But do you think that people are scared to talk about the fantasies before marriage?
[52:52] Because I read a lot. Heard a lot about fantasies. We discussed in marriage because you don't
[52:58] want to talk about it outside. So demand doesn't think you're crazy. Or the demand doesn't think
[53:02] you're crazy. It depends on what kind of fantasy. I mean, there's a, there's a, you know, relatively
[53:09] okay tame fantasies that I'm like, okay. And I mean, what kind of fantasies? Like what? How about
[53:14] can you be like a you support? I don't know. What kind of fantasies? I don't know. How about can you be?
[53:20] For me, stuff like, you know, bestiality, all of that. Is that a fantasy or a demonic?
[53:26] You need to pre out that one. But there are people that, you know, and then what else?
[53:32] How about can it be? I think, I think you should actually
[53:36] be able to have that conversation with your partner before marriage.
[53:40] Yes, yes, actually before marriage. I think there's a lot of stuff that we don't talk about before
[53:44] marriage. Like, you know, lots of different topics. But I think that's, yeah, I don't think
[53:49] you should be married to somebody and be super, super surprised about their fantasy.
[53:53] True. It shouldn't because you should know them enough to have like, you'd like have an idea.
[53:59] You should have like an idea of, okay, this is what they might like. And, you know, if it's now
[54:03] something that you're like, whoa, then I don't know what to say. I agree with you that it
[54:09] shouldn't surprise you. It shouldn't surprise you. You're with enough. And for how to be this
[54:13] surprised is something else. And I mean, they didn't, there was no talk about this before they got
[54:20] married. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think you need to have a conversation about sexuality.
[54:27] Sexuality. Sexuality. Conversation. That's what I say. Yes, yes, bro. Why are you,
[54:33] why are you obsessed with putting it in there? That's not all that to say. I didn't even
[54:37] peep down. Why? You want the problem? Because if you bring it once and your spouse says no,
[54:44] is it a life or death thing? Because there are some fantasies that you never happen,
[54:48] even though you want it. I mean, if I don't want it, it won't happen.
[54:52] Well, it looks like this guy, maybe the more we talk about it, the more I'm thinking that's,
[54:58] you know, this is somebody that needs to have an in-depth conversation with himself.
[55:03] Yeah. About his sexuality. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I honestly don't think she should accept him saying,
[55:09] I want to go out to do it. I'll say, I won't mind if you do it. You don't know what will come
[55:13] back to you, except you decide not to ever have sex with him again. No, I just, that's, that's,
[55:18] yeah. I think with, with, um, because she's, that's not even like an open marriage,
[55:23] for say, because this is Legos. People know that, you know, their open marriages, where the
[55:27] couples decide, okay, this is what we're going to do. I think if it's something, what do you mean,
[55:32] this is Legos? Legos is crazy. Everybody knows that, you know, you can, and to be honest,
[55:39] whatever works for you, if that's, if that works for you, if both of you are happy,
[55:44] that's what I'm hearing your things. You know, you try to tell me you never heard that.
[55:48] I've heard their open marriages. I'm serious. But the way you say this is Legos, that's if it's a
[55:53] thing. No, dude, I say, I, when I say this is Legos, I mean like crazy things happen in Legos.
[55:59] Yes. Like, sometimes I'm just like, whoa, and it's so funny because I am still in the industry,
[56:06] and it's my friends that are not in the industry. They'll tell me stories. I'll be like,
[56:09] when did that happen? Oh, my God. You know, they come up with some crazy stories. Yeah.
[56:16] Who said crazy things I have? Yes. I would say again, like I told the lady,
[56:23] you are not in the right space. First of all, you're going to too much.
[56:27] I pay for bills. You're asking about Bumble. Why you March? For you to now have to deal with this,
[56:32] thinking that I'm going to give you a husband to someone outside because he wants to have
[56:35] in our sex. I don't think you should go. Like, I don't think this should be a worry.
[56:39] Cancel it from your mind. Don't discuss it. Leave it alone. Anything he wants to do,
[56:43] I think it should align to it. And then decide if he still wants to be there. That's your choice.
[56:47] How about they speak to a therapist? I think that's good. I didn't think about that because
[56:53] I was already. Yeah. I think, I think before you go from just leave and everything,
[56:58] I think there should be steps. No, I didn't. I should leave. I said she should. First of all,
[57:01] deal with the issues, bills, kids, you're working so hard. Like, I don't think that
[57:08] is this real? Like, how can a guy come and be asking for this and their bills on the table?
[57:14] Wait, wait. Don't you realize that these people don't have money that have sex more?
[57:18] There's nothing to do. That's why you don't have a job.
[57:24] What do you mean there's nothing to do for them? Go and print CV. It's not all about sex.
[57:28] They go out and print your CV. When you're staying out somewhere, I think what can I do with this?
[57:32] Go out and print CV. Next to this house. Yes, go out and print CV. That's why they have a lot of
[57:35] children. I like all the advice that you give especially the one that introduced somebody else
[57:40] and let's see what he has to do. See his reaction first. That one, I really, really love this.
[57:44] It feels like, if you're like, I want to see some, but another man is like,
[57:46] that you know what's up. Yeah, you know what's up. I really, really love that one. I have a question.
[57:50] Yes. Is porn good or bad in marriage?
[58:00] I think it depends on if it's one sided or not. I think if you know, you got both of you are
[58:06] in support and you watch it together and that's okay for you guys. I think if it's something that's
[58:12] causing an issue in your marriage, maybe there's one party that constantly watches porn all the time
[58:18] and it makes the other party upset. Then that's an issue. That's a problem. That needs to be sorted out.
[58:25] But if it's one of those things that you indulge in, you know, maybe together or it's not an issue
[58:31] for the other person, you know, then it's fine. I think people like marriages work in different ways.
[58:36] So what I might think is horrible is like not acceptable is completely okay for another couple.
[58:45] Like not for one person like the whole couple. Yeah. Yeah.
[58:49] Marriages are different. Like just how to let people leave their own in the way that they want to
[58:53] marriage. They're the marriage that way. See, as long as nobody's, as long as it's not like too crazy,
[58:58] as long as people aren't getting hurt, as long as you know, if you're sinning, just just know that
[59:03] at the end of the day, you aren't going. Yeah, leave me that to go. Yeah. So if it's working for you,
[59:09] you know, do your thing. Yeah, absolutely. I love it. I love it. I hope that, you know, we have
[59:14] been able to dissect this topic as much as possible. I again, I've said my part, but I like your
[59:20] joining of it. And again, see a therapist. Not to talk about this. Let's not just cancel the whole
[59:25] thing. Let's see if therapy will work. And hopefully, yes, looking to his phone, looking his phone.
[59:34] Going to his phone. I said the same thing. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't genuinely advise this
[59:42] because I don't think I don't think I've ever looked in the phone and I've been okay. I think,
[59:50] I think me looking at the phone, I'm always like, my chest. Why did I do that? My chest sound.
[59:56] But I think sometimes what in this case, looking, that's what I said, I think because I discourage
[1:00:01] people checking phones. I discourage it all the time that if the phone is right in front of you,
[1:00:05] leave it alone. I just, I discourage it as well because I think when if you're at the stage where
[1:00:12] you're, you feel like you need to look in someone's phone, you're going to find something. You are
[1:00:16] absolutely going to find something. But in this case, this one, I feel further investigation is
[1:00:21] required for your safety, for your sanity. Yes, your sanity. And it's just, it's a bit weird.
[1:00:29] Go ahead, I'm going to call the phone. I'm very much, you know, in support. Yes. Thank you
[1:00:34] to us for coming. Thank you so much. I always know that. I always knew that coming to us
[1:00:39] was going to be interesting. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming. We have a gift for you
[1:00:42] from the people of time. Oh, give. Thank you so much. Can I open it? Of course.
[1:00:47] Okay, so I'm very glad with like gift. No, I like to open it. Yeah. As soon as I get it.
[1:00:52] Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Let's see.
[1:00:58] Ooh, you know, I'm a perfume. I like it. I mean, it's the perfume. Yes, it is nice.
[1:01:05] Lovely, lovely, lovely. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. I hope you like it.
[1:01:09] Just let me know what you think. I will. I would like your, you know, review it in my DM.
[1:01:13] Thank you, everybody for watching. Please let us know what you think in the comments.
[1:01:18] Thank you so much. You actually made it to the end of this video.
[1:01:27] Don't forget to subscribe, like, comment and share this amazing episode.

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