# DANG Members on sex work, relationship, motherhood, abuse | Dear Ife Series Podcast

An episode of [Diary of A Naija Girl](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1888131074), 6 Feb 2026, 57 min.

Audio: https://episode.flightcast.com/s03wbopampc865iuxll5pm4z.mp3

For this Dear Ife Series podcast we invited three DANG community members for an open conversation about everything and anything, and what made it exciting was how it moved beyond comments on DANG’s social media into a real roundtable discussion. We talked about early beginnings, the influence of social media and how actively we engage on it, interactions with people from different backgrounds, honest opinions on giving men money, and how to curate relationships in a way that allows both partners to truly win and get what they want. While only three community members joined us offline, you are here online and now the conversation continues with you, so share your thoughts and do not forget to like, share, and subscribe. Chapters 00:00 In this podcast 01:14 Introducing the DANG community guests 0:02:49 On being noticed: why the guests are consistent commenters 0:06:20 Stepping away from social media: dealing with negativity & online dynamics 0:11:15 Generational upbringing: childhood lying, deliverance, and free spirit 0:21:20 First time clubbing: the reality of unwanted advances 0:25:30 Discussing sex work, exploitation, and the culture of sexual assault 0:35:04 Reading the listener story: husband's fear of childbirth 0:41:01 Panel discussion: fear, control, and prioritizing the woman's choice 0:54:10 Final advice: overcoming fear and trusting the process Want more visual podcasts from DANG? SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/@diaryofanaijagirl #DANG #DiaryofaNaijaGirl #DANGWithIfe About Diary of a Naija Girl Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) is an online community, founded and managed by Ifedayo Agoro, to inspire women across the world through creative storytelling. Back in 2015, it started as an online diary, sharing the everyday adventures of an anonymous Nigerian woman. Fast forward nine years, and it has become a tribe of incredible women, living their best lives one story at a time. DANG is a safe space for women to be unapologetically themselves, a family that laughs, learns and lifts each other, from Lagos to every corner of the world. About Ifedayo Agoro An entrepreneur, creative writer, content creator, content marketer and media strategist, Ifedayo Agoro is the founder of Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) and DANG Lifestyle, a premium home and body care production company, which she launched in Nigeria in 2020. Ifedayo is passionate about social responsibility and philanthropy. She sponsors several young residents at Little Saints Orphanage and partners with Lots Charity Foundation, a non-governmental aid organisation. Connect with DANG Online: Like DANG on FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/3xLjCkU Follow DANG on TWITTER: https://bit.ly/4aBgy9I Follow DANG on INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/4ay4Axu Follow DANG on LINKEDIN: https://bit.ly/3JhGpHM

## Transcript

[0:00] I wrote an article that said,
[0:01] we women choose prostitution.
[0:02] If this woman were making money for somebody,
[0:04] they're making for themselves.
[0:05] One of the most interesting persons I've met
[0:08] was a commercial sex worker.
[0:10] And she said, I choose this life
[0:13] because this is where I get my satisfaction.
[0:14] Until I see a rich man's daughter,
[0:17] who had every advantage,
[0:19] and decided herself,
[0:21] all the things on earth,
[0:23] she picks to be a sex worker.
[0:26] Then I would begin to believe
[0:28] if they had a choice for they choose this.
[0:30] We've learned to downplay sexual assault
[0:32] or then it can be because chances are that
[0:35] you grow with 10 girls and all 10 girls have to say it.
[0:38] Like I always say,
[0:39] the day Nigerian or African women wake up
[0:43] and begin to open our mouth
[0:45] to talk about our sexual experiences,
[0:49] like sex abuse, molestations and all that.
[0:52] We would need new prisons.
[0:54] If the stories begin to come out,
[0:56] you would know that we're just still joking.
[0:59] This conversation is not...
[1:00] We've not started.
[1:15] Hi, everybody.
[1:16] Welcome to another amazing episode of the day,
[1:19] if a series here is a safe space
[1:21] where you send in your stories.
[1:23] We're bringing guests to share the stories with them,
[1:25] and they give their opinions.
[1:26] But most importantly, we want you to know
[1:28] you are not alone.
[1:30] This guest also, we asked them questions,
[1:33] you know, on the things that have been on our mind
[1:34] to ask them,
[1:35] but today we don't have one guest.
[1:37] We have three specials.
[1:40] In all of this season,
[1:41] these are the most special guests on this show.
[1:45] Dan, community, members,
[1:47] I've joined us today.
[1:49] Yay!
[1:50] Yay!
[1:54] On my left is our special,
[1:58] amiable, outspoken,
[2:01] never, ever, ever.
[2:03] We should be short of, ever.
[2:06] Very Nika's daughter, everybody.
[2:08] Hi.
[2:09] Glad for me, no?
[2:10] LAUGHTER
[2:13] On my immediate right is Vetchacy.
[2:16] Vetchacy?
[2:17] Do people call you Vetchacy?
[2:19] Every time.
[2:20] Sorry.
[2:21] When are you going to tell those?
[2:22] Where was it?
[2:23] I'm don't correct you.
[2:24] Yeah, I don't.
[2:25] After this show, I'm not correct me.
[2:26] I don't make you say Vetchacy.
[2:27] Vetchacy.
[2:28] Yeah.
[2:29] Osasbe?
[2:30] Osasbe.
[2:31] When Nika's daughter, Osasbe,
[2:33] welcome to the show.
[2:34] Thank you for having me.
[2:35] I'm going to clap for her too.
[2:36] APPLAUSE
[2:39] On my five rides is Akeeti.
[2:42] Akeeti.
[2:43] Yay!
[2:44] APPLAUSE
[2:46] Of course, by their name, you shall know them
[2:49] or in the platform.
[2:50] Because they would comment their money.
[2:52] That's what they're going to do.
[2:53] They would speak.
[2:54] How did people feel when people were just arguing?
[2:56] When I said, Charlie.
[2:58] I wasn't even on Instagram.
[3:00] I left Instagram for like a week.
[3:02] Yeah.
[3:03] And then I opened.
[3:04] When I saw the number of comments on my notification,
[3:06] honestly, my first thought was,
[3:08] I have inadvertently posted my new Tony.
[3:10] LAUGHTER
[3:12] This is the only way.
[3:14] I have this many comments.
[3:15] It's not possible.
[3:16] If you see what I threw my phone, I said,
[3:18] Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
[3:19] Then I picked it up again.
[3:20] I was like,
[3:21] you better say, but not saying,
[3:22] you know who no getting used to it.
[3:24] So when I opened and I saw Charlie,
[3:26] I'm like, OK, what did I do?
[3:27] Yeah.
[3:28] And then I went and it was on down.
[3:30] I'm like, OK, if it's on down, then you say,
[3:31] you're fine.
[3:32] Yeah.
[3:33] How about you?
[3:34] How did you feel?
[3:35] To be honest, if I didn't get to have that,
[3:37] it's a point.
[3:38] It was.
[3:39] I'm actually so serious.
[3:40] I'm so serious.
[3:41] Really?
[3:42] I would have been so disappointed.
[3:43] Really?
[3:44] Because you were...
[3:45] No, it wasn't a comment.
[3:46] I know that.
[3:47] I have a lot to say.
[3:48] So I am.
[3:49] You do have a lot to say.
[3:50] How about you have a different...
[3:51] I think the same.
[3:52] Because I've been a dunger.
[3:54] A dunger.
[3:55] For a very long time.
[3:57] Yeah.
[3:58] And for all my notifications are on.
[4:00] So once if I post, I am always there
[4:02] and it gets a lot of...
[4:04] I'm the metronome of this.
[4:06] I was surprised, though.
[4:07] You were?
[4:08] Yeah.
[4:09] How come you were?
[4:10] I don't think we lost it.
[4:11] You talk about cop.
[4:12] It gets to come and talk about...
[4:14] Farm.
[4:15] Like...
[4:16] Can you focus?
[4:17] Can you please?
[4:18] Yeah, one of them was on focus.
[4:20] Comment as...
[4:21] I was surprised.
[4:22] I want you to be serious, serious, but...
[4:24] I mean, that's one of the reasons people love your comments.
[4:27] Your comments don't deviate from our issues.
[4:29] It's like you want to say,
[4:30] this is one of my business.
[4:31] All of them are about...
[4:32] Let's talk about something else.
[4:34] And again, it's just so amazing to see how people picked on you.
[4:38] You think nobody's...
[4:39] Yeah.
[4:40] Yeah.
[4:41] Yeah, I think that was what surprised me to...
[4:43] You know, you think you just say something angle
[4:45] and you have no idea that it actually stays in the minds of people.
[4:49] You know, to have some people tag me and say,
[4:51] I remember when she said this,
[4:52] I'm like,
[4:53] Oh, really?
[4:54] That state.
[4:55] I saw that.
[4:56] I saw that.
[4:57] I'm happy.
[4:58] Do you think...
[4:59] And I felt good about it.
[5:00] Do you think people notice when you comment?
[5:01] Or you just comment angle?
[5:02] Oh, so I'm a serial commenter.
[5:03] Yeah.
[5:04] So I make my life be sure to comment or something.
[5:06] As people relate to me,
[5:08] you're always in every comment section.
[5:09] I don't know.
[5:10] I'm really busy using Instagram right?
[5:11] Yeah.
[5:12] Because I have to be in every comment section.
[5:13] Why?
[5:14] That's how I used to show me that.
[5:15] That's how I stay.
[5:16] That's how people find me.
[5:18] That's how I was able to find me.
[5:19] Yeah.
[5:20] I don't think that I just have to post angle.
[5:21] Ango.
[5:22] I just have to interact.
[5:23] Because again, it helps with our creators.
[5:24] So I just like, I have to always comment.
[5:26] Yeah.
[5:27] How about you?
[5:28] Yeah, for me, just...
[5:29] Again, it's like the second time,
[5:30] just like she said.
[5:31] I like commenting because I believe if you keep quiet,
[5:35] it would allow Madness be the order of the day.
[5:38] And I believe when you're silent,
[5:40] it means you agree.
[5:42] And because I am not silent,
[5:44] I am inadvertently giving other people
[5:47] who think like I do permission to speak out
[5:50] and say their mind.
[5:52] And last last, I'm in my house.
[5:54] Oh my goodness.
[5:55] I hate to comment.
[5:57] Just recently,
[5:59] I just stay commenting on only my friend's post.
[6:02] Because...
[6:03] See, the only time I try to comment on the popular blog,
[6:07] the Andre won't be...
[6:09] No, not the drag, but just...
[6:11] I've been to now, go back there and I couldn't do it.
[6:15] And I don't want to look like I'm ignoring,
[6:17] so I just leave it to you.
[6:18] So I only go to my friend's pages and comments,
[6:20] what happened with you at some point?
[6:22] It went off Twitter?
[6:23] Yeah.
[6:24] Not only Twitter.
[6:25] Yeah.
[6:26] I was looking for you.
[6:27] Where did she go?
[6:28] And your stories were always so engaging.
[6:31] She writes amazing stories.
[6:34] And then she disappears.
[6:35] Yeah, I had to.
[6:36] For Twitter, it was more...
[6:38] I realized there was a click that was haunting me.
[6:42] I honestly didn't clock it at first,
[6:45] but then it's night comment here,
[6:48] another night comment there,
[6:49] and then people are retreating
[6:51] and then writing these ridiculous things.
[6:54] Oh, this one she can't lie.
[6:55] And one of the things that I do is...
[6:57] When I...
[6:58] When I'm a storyteller,
[7:00] and so that means that even the mundane things
[7:02] of life are interesting for me.
[7:03] Exactly.
[7:04] And I know how to...
[7:06] I can observe.
[7:07] It's my favorite thing to do.
[7:09] So by virtue of my work,
[7:11] I traveled to a lot of places,
[7:12] I met a lot of interesting people.
[7:14] When I mean interesting people,
[7:16] I mean people that ordinary people ignore,
[7:18] like the grieve digger,
[7:20] like the man who cleans the, you know,
[7:23] soccer wheel or whatever.
[7:25] Because you're a storyteller.
[7:26] And because I'm a storyteller,
[7:27] I ask the questions that make them talk.
[7:29] Yeah.
[7:30] And if I share something that is fiction,
[7:32] I always say, oh, this is fiction.
[7:33] Yes, I see that. You always write that.
[7:34] I always write that.
[7:35] But people say, oh, she's lying.
[7:36] And then I saw this particular group
[7:38] of...
[7:39] Really, Banga boys.
[7:40] Friends.
[7:41] No, it wasn't the Banga boys,
[7:42] more like the girls and...
[7:43] No, whatever.
[7:44] And their boys...
[7:45] It was this particular popular group on Twitter.
[7:48] And I noticed I was being targeted.
[7:50] And honestly, you don't think
[7:51] that the platform has a spirit
[7:53] until you start absorbing certain negativity
[7:57] from people.
[7:58] After a while, I said, I can't do this.
[8:01] I don't...
[8:02] I'm not a crocodile.
[8:03] I don't have to skin.
[8:04] So I left.
[8:05] And then after I left, you know,
[8:07] the band came and then it was just like,
[8:09] okay, I'm just going to take this time to rest.
[8:11] And I rested, but somehow never found the module
[8:14] to come back.
[8:15] Yeah.
[8:16] But with Facebook and Instagram,
[8:18] I left for a while after I lost three of my friends.
[8:22] They just kind of died on me back to back.
[8:25] Like within a month, three people gone.
[8:27] Life was meaningless.
[8:29] I swear.
[8:30] You never grew up with people thinking
[8:32] you won't reach 50.
[8:33] You won't reach 40.
[8:35] You know?
[8:36] And then three of them decided to open and go
[8:38] and you were just like,
[8:39] sorry, what's the meaning of life again?
[8:41] Anyway, yeah.
[8:42] Yeah, so I was in that space,
[8:43] but I'm back now.
[8:44] I came back this year.
[8:45] You're back.
[8:46] It's good to be back.
[8:49] Yeah.
[8:50] It's good to tell stories again.
[8:51] What do you mean that?
[8:52] Like social media has its penis.
[8:53] It has its spirit.
[8:54] I would say that Facebook has family spirit,
[8:57] friendship spirit.
[8:58] People generally don't mind who you are,
[9:02] and generally don't dig into your background
[9:05] or whatever.
[9:06] When you come on Facebook, people are like,
[9:07] oh, it's my friend.
[9:08] It's my sister.
[9:09] It's so easy to meet someone on Facebook like them.
[9:12] And then when you meet them face to face,
[9:14] you're like, I've known you all my life.
[9:16] Instagram has that vibe as well,
[9:19] not so much of family, but friends,
[9:22] or discloser acquaintance.
[9:24] I follow this person.
[9:25] It's more of like, you're my party person kind of thing.
[9:28] Twitter is diabolical.
[9:31] That's the only description I have for Twitter.
[9:35] It's that, even if no matter how well you curate your timeline,
[9:39] to only see certain posts,
[9:42] it literally just slips through.
[9:44] Yeah.
[9:45] One minute, you're, oh my god,
[9:47] this is such a cerebral post.
[9:48] I like what this person said.
[9:49] Next, you're like, how did we get here?
[9:51] This is why females should not,
[9:53] and you're like, block, block.
[9:55] But then you block,
[9:56] but you realize that Twitter doesn't really stop that person
[9:59] from showing up on your own.
[10:00] That's what I know.
[10:01] It's what I know.
[10:02] I don't block this person.
[10:03] What am I saying?
[10:04] People are so angry.
[10:06] People are so angry.
[10:07] It's like, you say, I don't like bread.
[10:09] And the next comment is,
[10:11] you mean?
[10:12] Are you saying that bread is bad?
[10:13] So the people that, like,
[10:14] they don't have sex.
[10:15] Oh my god.
[10:17] So that's, and if you're not careful,
[10:20] one day you wake up,
[10:21] one savage response,
[10:23] and you think you're it.
[10:25] And you forget that there is somebody,
[10:27] a human being behind that comments
[10:29] that you're responding to.
[10:30] And then the next comment,
[10:31] someone says something,
[10:32] you see something really snarky.
[10:34] And you forget there is a human being behind that.
[10:36] And I don't ever want to forget that
[10:38] there are human beings behind this comment.
[10:40] So Twitter gives me that vibe.
[10:42] So I go there,
[10:44] post, run away.
[10:45] And leave post, run away.
[10:47] Yeah.
[10:48] It's easier to manage myself like this,
[10:50] like that.
[10:51] I just post.
[10:52] I'm going to post.
[10:53] I'm going to post, I'm going to post.
[10:54] Yeah, post, I'm going to post that.
[10:55] Yeah, post, I'm going to post that.
[10:56] You're all on social media though.
[10:58] It's a vibe.
[10:59] Always a vibe.
[11:00] You didn't stop at any point in time.
[11:02] You go everything good day,
[11:04] or everything good time.
[11:05] I mean, it's a lot of fun on your page.
[11:07] Yeah.
[11:08] And as much as you adore your mom,
[11:11] I always wonder because you're so outspoken.
[11:14] Is there something that she was or is
[11:17] that you know you would never be?
[11:19] I don't know if I was.
[11:20] I don't know that my mother was.
[11:21] For example.
[11:22] Please don't worry.
[11:23] You know how?
[11:25] Oh, my mother will come and say,
[11:26] oh, your daddy borrowed money.
[11:28] Yeah.
[11:29] And your daddy refused to pay.
[11:31] Then our response is,
[11:32] then stop borrowing.
[11:34] He said, I will stop.
[11:35] Tomorrow you will borrow again.
[11:36] And she will come and report to you.
[11:37] She will come and report again.
[11:38] So they've been doing that.
[11:39] But the same woman who is giving her husband money
[11:42] and him not paying back,
[11:44] is not able to pay her shop rent.
[11:46] The husband will pay the shop rent.
[11:48] We'll be asking her, why are you doing business
[11:50] and your husband is paying your shop rent?
[11:52] So they both of you are balancing each other out.
[11:54] Now, when I got married,
[11:56] I told myself,
[11:57] because we're all products of our environment.
[11:59] Yes.
[12:00] I believe that men don't generally pay back money
[12:03] when they borrow from their wives.
[12:05] So I told myself,
[12:06] if I marry,
[12:07] I cannot borrow my old one money because he will not pay.
[12:10] He will tell me,
[12:11] I own you on the money.
[12:12] So I don't want.
[12:13] So the very first time,
[12:14] my husband said,
[12:16] $30,000.
[12:17] One man said,
[12:18] don't give me more.
[12:19] You will not pay back.
[12:20] And the man said,
[12:21] please, no, your father.
[12:22] Try.
[12:23] I gave him $30,000.
[12:24] He didn't know the 30K.
[12:26] It was a test.
[12:27] He said,
[12:28] won't end.
[12:29] I didn't end of the month.
[12:31] I was so sweaty.
[12:32] Next night, I saw a lot.
[12:33] 35,000 with interest.
[12:36] So I realized,
[12:37] okay.
[12:38] This man adds interest.
[12:39] I keep asking,
[12:40] you don't want to borrow money.
[12:42] So for my mother,
[12:44] I want to think I am like my mother in a lot of things.
[12:48] I am also unlike her in some things.
[12:50] My mother is kind to a thought.
[12:52] I am kind,
[12:53] but not to a thought.
[12:54] Yes, I don't suffer a thought.
[12:56] And I keep saying,
[12:57] everything I did in my life,
[12:59] I did for myself and my mother.
[13:02] So my mother is that person.
[13:03] You know how you see women
[13:04] and you're like,
[13:05] if this woman had gone to school.
[13:07] Yeah.
[13:08] If she had the opportunities you have,
[13:10] my mother would have been a powerhouse.
[13:13] So she was so invested in me getting my PhD.
[13:16] Even when I was like,
[13:17] I'm not doing it again.
[13:18] My mother kept saying,
[13:19] you get me.
[13:20] You get trauma.
[13:21] Are you sure you're not doing this?
[13:23] Live business.
[13:24] Live money.
[13:25] Do your PhD.
[13:26] I'm like, why?
[13:27] But again, I remembered that
[13:29] she is more or less living vicariously through me.
[13:33] So as I'm going to school,
[13:34] as I'm crying and doing everything,
[13:36] I'm like, I'm studying for two.
[13:38] I'm studying for myself
[13:40] and I'm studying for my mother.
[13:42] Anything less will be like me making a mess
[13:47] of the sacrifices they made
[13:49] because we watched them.
[13:50] My parents didn't have a luxury life.
[13:52] They weren't able to build out the botland,
[13:54] but when you have six children on a budget
[13:56] that you also have like two or three.
[13:58] So they didn't really get a lot.
[14:00] So we are our parents' investment.
[14:03] So when people say,
[14:04] I don't owe my parents.
[14:05] I owe them.
[14:06] My parents are conservatives.
[14:08] Like, I was born more than I was in the church.
[14:10] They didn't watch you on Instagram.
[14:12] You know, she just passed the shimpot.
[14:14] No longer I think.
[14:16] My parents were a conservative.
[14:20] Born again, Christian.
[14:23] And then they have a child like me.
[14:25] So out of six, we were five.
[14:28] My mother had five kids.
[14:30] Then 17 years later,
[14:32] I was in the university.
[14:34] My parents blessed us with one more.
[14:36] So we keep saying five.
[14:38] We are six.
[14:39] Now, you know how...
[14:42] No, no, no.
[14:44] My parents...
[14:45] I mean, deliverance are alumni.
[14:47] Are you a deliverance alumni?
[14:49] Let me explain.
[14:50] Thank you.
[14:51] I'm light skinned.
[14:53] He's all eyes, right?
[14:55] Born again, Christian.
[14:57] Of course, you're possessed by a marine spirit.
[15:00] So they took me to deliverance.
[15:02] Like, several days.
[15:03] No.
[15:04] I have gone to life.
[15:06] Because the behavior didn't fit into the kind of child they wanted.
[15:10] So I wasn't just light skinned.
[15:13] At 13, I got my first suito.
[15:16] So I was an early bloomer.
[15:18] Like this, you know, at 13, I looked at 18, 19.
[15:22] So my mother didn't understand.
[15:24] She didn't know what to do with me.
[15:26] And then I could lie.
[15:28] As I was reading at the age of eight,
[15:30] my very first book was,
[15:32] Ogomola de Barcelona.
[15:34] I don't know how I got the book
[15:36] and it ignited something in me.
[15:38] I was reading James Hadley Chase at the age of nine.
[15:40] And you can't read Chase and not be a liar.
[15:42] It's not possible.
[15:44] You will know how to finagle arguments.
[15:46] There was no arguments I couldn't win.
[15:48] They knew you were lying, but you don't have evidence.
[15:50] Try.
[15:51] From here...
[15:52] He has a philosophy of his parents.
[15:54] Oh, my father...
[15:56] He gave me somewhere with my friends
[15:58] on his school day during school hours.
[16:00] He looked at me and passed.
[16:02] I knew I was dead.
[16:04] Someone was going to die today.
[16:06] Who is the problem?
[16:08] I made sure I got back to school early.
[16:10] Went home with my sister's, which I never do before.
[16:12] By the time we got home,
[16:14] when my father came back.
[16:16] He came...
[16:18] I said, oh, that's welcome.
[16:20] Because I knew you can't agree.
[16:22] Accept that it's you.
[16:24] My father called my mother.
[16:26] He said, ask your daughter where she went.
[16:28] I said, that's me.
[16:30] I didn't go anywhere.
[16:32] He said, was it you?
[16:34] I saw with her.
[16:36] I said, me, a whole head girl.
[16:38] I was wearing a green uniform.
[16:40] My father said, so even I don't know my daughter again.
[16:42] This man was vibrating.
[16:44] I was crying, fell on the ground.
[16:46] Because anything apart from this is your death.
[16:50] My mother was confused in between her.
[16:52] My mother now said, if you saw your daughter's son,
[16:56] why did you come down and hold her by the hand
[17:00] and throw her inside the car?
[17:02] My father said, because he didn't know where she was coming from.
[17:04] My father didn't talk to me for like a week
[17:06] because he knew that he saw me.
[17:08] My sister came to my defense.
[17:10] They didn't know I went out.
[17:12] We all came back together.
[17:14] She's not the one.
[17:16] She came home.
[17:18] My parents took me for deliverance.
[17:20] They knew I was lying.
[17:22] They said they would deliver me from a lying spirit,
[17:24] seductive spirit because I was lying skin and I had breasts.
[17:26] How dare you have breasts?
[17:28] At the age of like 15,
[17:30] I had more breasts than everybody in my family.
[17:32] Then they will believe for you to have this.
[17:34] It's not natural. Somebody is touching you.
[17:36] They took me my biggest deliverance story was
[17:40] I went to deliverance in the morning around 10.
[17:44] You have to go fast.
[17:46] You have to go faster.
[17:48] So we stopped the demons.
[17:50] We stopped the demons.
[17:52] We got the demons said,
[17:54] I was there.
[17:56] I knew I wasn't possessed.
[17:58] Why?
[18:00] Share if you're possessed.
[18:02] If they were like a daytime meeting,
[18:04] I would have attended boys' nights.
[18:06] I can't.
[18:08] I know.
[18:10] Dema was asking me questions.
[18:12] No food.
[18:14] I remember today they cooked the love.
[18:16] Ella, just agree.
[18:18] That's the only way you live in here.
[18:20] I accepted.
[18:22] I want to confess.
[18:24] My mother was happy.
[18:26] My mother said he saw me eating from a red food flask.
[18:30] That's the food flask that contaminated me.
[18:32] The food flask was not red.
[18:34] It was blue.
[18:36] It was blue.
[18:38] What do you do?
[18:40] I know all the stories.
[18:42] My mother was rolling on the ground.
[18:44] When I prayed, I fell.
[18:46] Because you have to fall.
[18:48] The demons cannot live with you standing.
[18:50] So I fell and the demons left.
[18:52] My mother was very excited.
[18:54] Finally they left.
[18:56] We got home.
[18:58] I changed it for like a week.
[19:00] You know, we got home.
[19:02] They gave me double portion of your love.
[19:04] They needed the diva's present.
[19:06] I have faith.
[19:08] I have faith.
[19:10] I know the whole thing.
[19:12] My mother felt that I was going to go astray.
[19:16] And truly, I don't blame her.
[19:18] I am astray.
[19:20] My sister, I flirted with Astray.
[19:22] You know how you get...
[19:24] If you get pregnant and you want to abort you, you die.
[19:28] I believe that.
[19:30] I have gotten to the point of astray.
[19:34] I put one leg out.
[19:36] I got to one guy's house then in the university.
[19:38] So sitting on the bed, I don't...
[19:40] Let me know what life is like.
[19:42] I saw Jesus sitting down on the chair.
[19:44] I just stood up and cried my back and ran away.
[19:46] And see, our relationship became better.
[19:48] Well, I went to the university.
[19:50] She now understood that my daughter is just a free spirit.
[19:54] Because they believe then,
[19:56] if you love with boys,
[19:58] yes, how can you love with boys?
[20:00] My mother would beat the living delights out of you
[20:02] for loving with a boy.
[20:04] Me that every time I sit like this.
[20:06] And I liked boys because they were drama-free.
[20:08] I liked being with the boys.
[20:10] You come, we're going home from school.
[20:12] Me in the midst of 13 boys.
[20:14] They would report me and tell her,
[20:16] we saw Chema with like 70 boys.
[20:18] You know, they'll have to magnify it.
[20:20] So my mother believed in this girl.
[20:22] This girl would disgrace me.
[20:24] Chema, remember the daughter of who you are.
[20:28] So our relationship began to mend when I left home.
[20:32] So I left home, came back after one semester.
[20:34] I was still good.
[20:36] I didn't have tattoos.
[20:38] I didn't go astray.
[20:40] And that was when I knew,
[20:42] whatever training you were giving your children,
[20:44] you think it's not entering.
[20:46] It's entering.
[20:48] My plan was going to school.
[20:50] When I get to school,
[20:52] all the things they had not allowed me to,
[20:54] I was going to scatter.
[20:56] I bought trousers.
[20:58] I bought trousers in my bag.
[21:00] I was going to go to parties.
[21:02] I didn't attend one party.
[21:04] I never attended a club.
[21:06] Four years in the university, did everything.
[21:08] I could not do any of those things.
[21:10] Because it wasn't in me.
[21:12] My mother had stumped out every spirit of our street.
[21:14] So now I'm in my senses.
[21:16] And the spirit is like,
[21:18] he's constantly coming back.
[21:20] Why does he want to come back now?
[21:22] I'm going to apologize.
[21:24] Okay.
[21:26] He's coming back.
[21:28] There's something else about how during deliverance,
[21:30] I'm sorry.
[21:32] I'm sorry.
[21:34] I'm sorry.
[21:36] I'm sorry.
[21:38] I'm sorry.
[21:40] I'm sorry.
[21:42] Because I wanted to see help.
[21:44] I wanted to see Dean.
[21:46] You wanted to see.
[21:48] I understand what she's saying.
[21:50] Because I had that experience as well.
[21:52] You saw the demons.
[21:54] No.
[21:56] I have to keep my eyes open.
[21:58] I can't see anything.
[22:00] So eventually,
[22:02] because I wanted them to stop.
[22:04] I closed my eyes and I felt
[22:06] so that they would stop.
[22:08] And then I lay there and I slept.
[22:10] Yes.
[22:12] That was my mistake.
[22:14] Yes.
[22:16] I forgot.
[22:18] If you fall, you're supposed to lie down.
[22:20] Because then you get up and be like,
[22:22] don't fall.
[22:24] But I fell and I slept.
[22:26] Yes.
[22:28] I started losing focus.
[22:30] I started losing focus.
[22:32] You know that I slept and then the pastor came,
[22:36] I was like and I said,
[22:38] Oh dang.
[22:40] She's going for the meet.
[22:42] When I don't sleep?
[22:44] You always say you can't sleep.
[22:46] I'll sleep at the end.
[22:48] My first explanation to explode is to go on
[22:50] to sleep.
[22:52] There's a video on which of our
[22:53] services.
[22:55] I was a grad, I just graduated and my friends are going to the club.
[22:57] I said, let me try.
[22:59] Because I actually thought the club people are talking about.
[23:01] Yeah.
[23:01] It's something interesting.
[23:02] If you go there, dance, then they say,
[23:04] come with you.
[23:05] Then they do their vote to mail back.
[23:07] Come with you.
[23:08] I got there.
[23:09] I got there.
[23:10] They were dancing.
[23:11] I was like, OK, well, I don't think they are.
[23:13] What next?
[23:14] This is what's given by one name.
[23:15] I said, OK, more dance.
[23:17] I will dance from now.
[23:18] I have never tasted the cojo.
[23:20] For real, if I do.
[23:21] I went to a club that's the first time I was expecting.
[23:24] And my friends literally drugged me there.
[23:26] I think I was maybe 30 at the time for the first time.
[23:30] And I'm like, OK, so what's happening?
[23:32] The music is loud.
[23:33] First of all, I'm like, OK, I like loud music, but why is my body
[23:36] vibrating?
[23:37] Because the speaker is like, you're hot.
[23:39] Like that, you know?
[23:40] So my friends are like, no, don't worry.
[23:41] When you start dancing, you go, they feel up.
[23:42] You go, they feel up.
[23:43] I'm like, OK, so I was dancing with my friend and this guy
[23:46] sitting across.
[23:48] And then he does this, like, in my head, like, in a wild home.
[23:52] Why you cooking your fingers up?
[23:54] But I'm like, OK, and then this guy comes.
[23:56] And then he's standing front.
[23:57] And then he comes behind me.
[23:58] And then he's grainy.
[23:59] Yes.
[23:59] That's why I turned around.
[24:00] I'm like, yeah, don't do that.
[24:02] Don't do that.
[24:03] No, my head.
[24:04] I'm like, OK, this is what they do.
[24:06] And then I turned around, I faced my friend.
[24:08] And then this guy grabs my hips and, oh, more.
[24:12] Last lap since, because I'm like, I'm wrong.
[24:14] Yeah, because I'm waiting to drop after then.
[24:16] No.
[24:16] OK, I went a second time because my friends are like,
[24:19] oh, that's a bad experience.
[24:20] We need something to change your mind.
[24:23] So I said, OK, so we saw this club.
[24:24] We were driving back from where we went to hangouts.
[24:27] And it's like 2 a.m.
[24:28] And then we see this club.
[24:29] And they insist on going, and I'm like, guys, I'm tired.
[24:32] The first one we went to, they didn't do anything.
[24:33] It's just dance and smoke and noise.
[24:35] I want to go home.
[24:35] Like, no, this one will change your mind.
[24:37] God, I hope my mom doesn't watch this.
[24:40] So we walked into this club and turns out it's a strip club.
[24:44] Did you like it?
[24:45] How?
[24:46] What do you mean?
[24:47] Like what?
[24:48] The first thing I give up on my mom was blood of Jesus.
[24:51] Blood of Gigan, who's the boss?
[24:53] What's that even?
[24:54] He got a boss seat, so last time I was like, sister.
[24:57] We didn't come from what?
[24:58] Just girls that were there now.
[25:00] He's like, men's group club.
[25:02] So they were girls dancing.
[25:04] And their guys there, like, what am I looking at?
[25:07] They're not that naked girl bouncing her bits.
[25:08] Like, that's not even my thing.
[25:10] Like, I just turned it around.
[25:11] I'm like, I think I was like, sister, you only
[25:12] but I was like, I'm going back to church, please.
[25:14] I'm so sorry to interrupt you watching.
[25:17] But many of you have not subscribed.
[25:19] I know you want to subscribe, but sometimes for girls
[25:21] or you're enjoying it too much, you move on right after.
[25:25] So take a few seconds.
[25:26] Click the subscribe button.
[25:29] Let's continue watching.
[25:30] Because all of you are feminism advocates.
[25:33] Yeah.
[25:34] Right on.
[25:35] Do you feel like there are being sexualized?
[25:39] No, it's not the right feel.
[25:41] You think that's what it is.
[25:42] That's what is happening.
[25:43] There's a lot of exploitation there.
[25:45] I know people like to keep it.
[25:46] They have been exploited.
[25:47] Yeah, many of them are being...
[25:48] Most of them are exploits.
[25:49] Do you think so?
[25:50] My first introduction to sex workers
[25:52] was where I grew up in the Jota.
[25:54] So there was a house in a particular street,
[25:56] a very big house right there.
[25:58] And there were lots of girls there.
[26:00] So I do understand what was happening there.
[26:01] I go there, realize that after I watched the shower,
[26:04] not just in the areas,
[26:05] I do most of these girls, most of them are very trafficked.
[26:07] Yeah.
[26:08] So they will be put in their house
[26:10] and then we'll troop in and out.
[26:11] I mean, I'll stand opposite.
[26:13] I'll be looking also fascinated.
[26:14] I'm sorry, I apologize.
[26:16] But at some point in my life,
[26:17] I wanted to be a madame.
[26:21] Because the story going around was,
[26:22] oh, these women were working for this,
[26:25] for this madame.
[26:25] They were giving out the money and she was retreating
[26:27] also to have that building for herself, right?
[26:29] So that was my first introduction to it.
[26:32] And then I started growing,
[26:34] and I started to see that
[26:36] if these women were making money for somebody,
[26:37] they could have making for themselves.
[26:39] So it's something that was not right.
[26:40] Things were not adding up.
[26:42] So I started to look into it.
[26:43] I started watching movies, I read them.
[26:44] In fact, I read about it in the year one,
[26:45] I was, when I had the blog,
[26:47] I read about it and things did not add up.
[26:50] And I was, I started to look into it,
[26:52] watch that, I read about it and realized that,
[26:54] oh, they were being great.
[26:57] They are being trained.
[26:58] They are being trained.
[26:58] No, no, no.
[26:59] Most of the people are saying we go,
[27:00] no, I don't think so.
[27:02] But I feel like I brought,
[27:04] a lot of them work, go to the bank,
[27:07] go home, change,
[27:08] it's true.
[27:09] I go to their day job.
[27:10] And go to their nice job.
[27:11] It's not, it's not the same.
[27:12] I feel like, good, yeah, I don't know.
[27:14] So because I don't have that.
[27:15] So of course, the other part of the expectation of sexual
[27:17] work are definitely together.
[27:19] It's sort of an increase from somewhere.
[27:22] And use them.
[27:22] So that is the thing that's definitely happening.
[27:24] And that's why, when people say, oh,
[27:27] a woman can be anything she wants to be,
[27:31] being a feminist, I fully believe that, however,
[27:34] you cannot divorce their influences.
[27:39] What's influencing the woman to be what she wants to be?
[27:42] If, for instance, I've worked with a girl whose mother
[27:46] gave her out into prostitution when she was five,
[27:49] her mother said, you have to start earning,
[27:51] because she was living in her mom.
[27:53] Her mom is like, I started at your age.
[27:55] So you have to start earning your keep.
[27:57] You can't be five, and then my customers like you,
[28:01] and you say you don't want.
[28:03] Yes, this are common stories.
[28:05] And so her mother started her out at five.
[28:07] Now imagine, as at the time when we talked,
[28:11] she was 26 at that time, and she was doing well
[28:15] as a commercial escort, as an escort.
[28:18] Now she would tell you, someone would say,
[28:21] as a feminist, she has the right to be who she wants to be.
[28:24] Yes, right?
[28:25] This, but you can tell there is serious programming here.
[28:28] Because even when we eventually said, OK,
[28:31] you don't need to do this, we can set you up.
[28:33] One day she came to me, and she apologized,
[28:35] like really honestly, and said, I know you guys have done a lot
[28:38] for me, and I'm really, really sorry.
[28:41] But I can't do legit work.
[28:43] Not only, yeah, she's doing this thing.
[28:46] She said, not only is this the only thing
[28:49] that I know how to do well, but what you're giving me
[28:52] will take time for me to make the kind of money
[28:55] that I'm making from this thing.
[28:57] And so even behind, the motive behind, and the reasons,
[29:00] and the conditioning behind every woman who says,
[29:03] I have autonomy.
[29:04] And that's why when people say things like,
[29:06] I wrote an article that said, prostitution takes
[29:09] brave women are prostitutes.
[29:12] I said, brave women choose prostitution.
[29:15] And I had a lot of backlash from it.
[29:17] I had a backlash from people in church.
[29:20] Christians, like me saying, you're a Christian,
[29:22] you shouldn't be saying they're brave.
[29:24] I had a lot of flak from people who were defenders
[29:26] of sex workers.
[29:28] And I said, the only reason you can have a problem with this
[29:31] person is because you do not imagine
[29:33] that there's an actual human being with a story there.
[29:35] I have met sex workers who said, look, I love this.
[29:39] In fact, one of the most interesting persons
[29:41] I've met was a commercial sex worker in Calabas.
[29:45] She's an infomeraniac.
[29:47] And she said, I choose this life,
[29:49] because this is where I get my satisfaction.
[29:51] Honestly, I think she's the only person I know to date
[29:55] that I've met that said, this is what I want to do.
[29:57] In fact, what led me to her story
[29:59] was someone saying, oh, that there is this,
[30:02] a show here that can't do it for free.
[30:05] She won't charge you money if you're in the mood,
[30:07] like just a passion, that's her passion.
[30:09] I was like, what?
[30:11] I was shocked.
[30:12] And then when I met her and she was like,
[30:14] this is what I love doing, because this is who I am.
[30:16] And I said, you know, you can be diagnosed.
[30:19] You know, there is treatment for this.
[30:20] You don't need to do this, but she was like, no.
[30:22] This is the life.
[30:23] You don't need nobody needs to do this.
[30:24] So now it's us, those people,
[30:26] have you ever looked at your child and be like, oh, my God.
[30:27] I want you to do this.
[30:28] She needs straight A's.
[30:30] She's going to be such an amazing prostitute.
[30:32] Like, I love it.
[30:34] They don't do that.
[30:35] That's answer.
[30:35] There is this long.
[30:37] So yes, I have an answer.
[30:39] Until I see a rich man's daughter, who had every advantage,
[30:44] who went to the best Ivy League schools,
[30:46] who did everything right and decided for herself
[30:49] all the things on earth.
[30:51] She picks to be a sex worker.
[30:55] Then I would begin to believe that, oh, they had a choice,
[30:59] but they chose this.
[31:00] Most of these things were chosen for them.
[31:03] Like the person you're talking about,
[31:04] you're grown to the present.
[31:06] Some, this is a response to trauma.
[31:09] This is a response to, like I always say,
[31:12] the day Nigerian or African women wake up,
[31:16] especially the millennials, or people above them,
[31:19] and begin to open our mouth to talk about our sexual experiences,
[31:25] like sex abuse, molestations, and all that.
[31:28] The poor need new prisons.
[31:30] If the stories begin to come out,
[31:33] you would know that we're just, we're still joking.
[31:36] This conversation is not, we've not started.
[31:38] And then women, we also, we've learned
[31:41] to downplay sexual assault of any kind,
[31:43] because chances are that you grew up with 10 girls
[31:46] and all 10 girls had the same experience.
[31:48] So it now becomes this thing that it happened to them.
[31:52] Did you say, the first time I said that,
[31:53] I took a military man to the other.
[31:57] Please touch me.
[31:58] Can you touch me?
[31:59] Yeah.
[32:00] Because I want you to touch me.
[32:01] Because are you mad?
[32:02] Why is it that women are just going on their own?
[32:04] Are you dragging them by the bomb?
[32:06] Yeah, hitting them by it makes no sense.
[32:08] Nobody touched me.
[32:09] It means that you know that it's you know.
[32:11] You know exactly.
[32:12] And then you will say, oh no, now it does the play with them.
[32:14] No, it's not.
[32:15] But guess what?
[32:16] Many people are gotten used to that thing so much so.
[32:20] I had to do a video.
[32:21] I had a military man with me.
[32:23] I went inside there.
[32:25] Those touched me.
[32:26] And nobody did that.
[32:27] So then you begin to realize that the little things
[32:30] that we think the people are just playing with you.
[32:31] They are not exactly.
[32:33] They are not.
[32:34] And it's even in the language that we use.
[32:36] This guy, you know, friend of the appearance,
[32:40] you know, just said, ah, my small wife, I said, no.
[32:43] She's not your small wife.
[32:44] She is three years old.
[32:45] You have no business calling her your small wife.
[32:47] Don't say it.
[32:48] I don't want to hear it.
[32:49] I don't care what you mean by it.
[32:50] I don't want to hear it.
[32:51] And you know, yeah, you know, people say those things.
[32:55] I say, but he doesn't mean anything.
[32:57] I say he doesn't mean anything now.
[32:59] Because girls like myself, whose first sexual assault
[33:03] was at age three, did it?
[33:06] Someone would have said he didn't mean it as well
[33:08] by saying my small wife.
[33:09] And then, a few months down the line, you know,
[33:12] you are being assaulted and you're wondering what's going on.
[33:15] Why is uncle doing this to me?
[33:17] And so I don't like that language
[33:18] because he desensitizes both the parents and the child
[33:22] to the danger.
[33:23] You know, the possible danger that is, you know, their present.
[33:26] So I don't like that kind of language.
[33:27] Oh, this girl.
[33:29] See how she don't already de-gay kids.
[33:31] Yes, I have grown.
[33:32] She's sick.
[33:33] In this admiration and whatever,
[33:35] I realized that growing up,
[33:37] not a single woman in my life ever told me
[33:41] if I was beautiful, not one.
[33:43] Only man.
[33:44] It was the man.
[33:46] And for very sinister reasons.
[33:48] It wasn't that I wasn't beautiful.
[33:50] I have a mirror.
[33:51] I could see it.
[33:52] But because it came from the man,
[33:54] he made me to date.
[33:55] I find it very hard to take compliments from men
[33:59] because I did back of it.
[34:00] I'm like, what's his best plan?
[34:01] But when a woman tells you,
[34:03] yeah, you're pretty.
[34:05] You're sweet.
[34:06] You know it totally should be.
[34:07] Because she has no other reason.
[34:10] OK, now they can't have fun.
[34:11] Yeah, now they have fun.
[34:12] Normally, you know, so now I make it a point of duty,
[34:16] especially to younger women, younger girls.
[34:18] I see you.
[34:19] I don't give empty compliments.
[34:20] I will tell you, you're so gorgeous.
[34:22] Your skin is this.
[34:23] And you see them printing.
[34:25] They feel so thin.
[34:27] They know that this moment is not lying.
[34:29] And she's not saying this thing
[34:30] because she wants to touch me.
[34:32] It must be true.
[34:34] So, you know, I make it,
[34:35] it's from this thing that she just said.
[34:38] It was the predators that were telling us
[34:40] to wear beautiful clothes.
[34:42] We're getting our validation from them.
[34:43] Absolutely.
[34:44] But we survived.
[34:45] We survived.
[34:46] I'm glad.
[34:47] Do you like my skin?
[34:48] Do you like my skin?
[34:50] I'm sure you do.
[34:51] My skin is powered by dang lifestyle.
[34:54] It's skincare brands specifically tailored
[34:57] for people like you.
[34:59] Go to danglash.com to get yours.
[35:01] Use the discount code on the screen
[35:02] to get 10% off.
[35:04] All right, as we always do,
[35:06] let's get to our story.
[35:08] I, ife dial.
[35:10] I, a cat, see.
[35:11] I, what's that, baby?
[35:12] I, Ella.
[35:13] Promise.
[35:15] Promise.
[35:15] To be kind.
[35:16] To be kind.
[35:17] To be honest.
[35:18] To be honest.
[35:19] I'm not asking ife who roots in despair.
[35:21] No, that's not, I'm gonna root for everything.
[35:24] This one he knows.
[35:25] I'm gonna root for everything.
[35:27] All right.
[35:28] Let's meet.
[35:28] Dear Ife, I hope this meets you well.
[35:32] I'm a man, and I love what you're doing with your community.
[35:35] I'm always in support of girl par,
[35:37] and I'm cheering you all on.
[35:39] I have a bit of an issue in my home,
[35:41] currently, my wife and I have been married for four years.
[35:44] By December, will be our fourth year anniversary.
[35:48] but we've been together since secondary school.
[35:50] We don't have a child yet,
[35:51] and I do not think I want my wife going through pregnancy.
[35:54] My reason is being that I love her too much,
[35:57] and pregnancy scares me,
[35:59] because I've seen what women go through in pregnancy.
[36:02] Some have even died from it,
[36:05] and the scars it leaves on the woman is a lot.
[36:08] I don't think I want to put my wife through that.
[36:10] Also, when I read your post about reproductive abuse,
[36:14] it triggered memories for me
[36:15] of how much my dad abused my mom reproductive wise.
[36:19] He subjected her to constant childbirth.
[36:23] I have close to eight siblings.
[36:25] My mom gave birth almost every year,
[36:27] and made domestic violence.
[36:30] I do not want such for my wife.
[36:32] I love her too much,
[36:34] and I don't want to lose her.
[36:36] If I have discussed with this with her,
[36:38] but she still wants to carry the pregnancy.
[36:41] Most times I ask her,
[36:42] are you not scared of pregnancy?
[36:44] She said, even though
[36:45] she still wants to feel the pain and she doesn't care.
[36:48] She said she feels less of a woman around her mate
[36:50] when they are discussing kids and childbirth.
[36:52] I have suggested adoption,
[36:54] sorry, I guess she, but she refused.
[36:56] She said since nothing is wrong with both of us,
[36:59] she doesn't see why we would go that route.
[37:02] She wants to feel what pregnancy is like,
[37:04] she doesn't mind the pain.
[37:05] I'm worried because I love her so much.
[37:07] My wife, my friend's wife died from childbirth,
[37:10] so I'm years back,
[37:11] and it scares me,
[37:12] but I don't want to look selfish.
[37:14] I love her so much,
[37:16] my wife is everything to me.
[37:18] I cannot afford to lose her.
[37:19] I cannot afford to lose her like one billion times,
[37:22] so you can understand how much it means to him.
[37:24] There is no woman like her,
[37:26] she is everything I'm more.
[37:27] You know in the Bible when God said,
[37:29] I will give you someone you will do life with.
[37:31] I think God had both of us in mind.
[37:34] If anything happens to her,
[37:36] I don't know how to start a fresh
[37:38] or find somebody like her.
[37:41] Your hum hum was too much.
[37:44] I feel like everybody knows how I feel.
[37:46] How do you feel?
[37:47] Without childbirth.
[37:48] I'm with him on the part of him,
[37:50] not wanting to go through all that pain.
[37:54] But I think he should be had decision
[37:56] to not go through that pain.
[37:57] I totally understand.
[37:59] I understand his fears,
[38:01] and it's very right to see men
[38:02] that have the type of fears.
[38:04] But if she wants to carry a baby,
[38:07] I think she should give a baby.
[38:12] But the thing is,
[38:13] we cannot now say that if he gives a baby,
[38:15] he's going to stay.
[38:16] Because it looks like he's ready to deep,
[38:18] if he has flights or flights on standby.
[38:22] It looks like he's ready to deep,
[38:24] if he senses any discomfort in heart.
[38:26] I think people don't want to watch out.
[38:28] They don't want to take care of him.
[38:30] So this is very confusing.
[38:31] But this should have been discussed before married.
[38:33] Absolutely.
[38:34] Like me.
[38:35] Yes.
[38:36] Cantas is my cup of tea.
[38:38] It's your cup of tea.
[38:40] Drink it's well.
[38:43] Something is robbing me the wrong way.
[38:45] Oh, sir.
[38:46] I don't know why or how.
[38:48] Now, I get the fact that maybe he's traumatized,
[38:51] maybe from his friend's wife dying,
[38:53] and from what it's about,
[38:55] went through.
[38:57] But naturally, men like to procreate.
[39:01] Naturally, they like it.
[39:03] If the women who are saying,
[39:05] oh, I'm the one who's going to be had a pain.
[39:08] So what was the question?
[39:10] Because at the end of the day,
[39:11] is he saying that if she insists on having the baby,
[39:16] is this saying we should advise the wife not to have the baby?
[39:20] Just sit in the concern.
[39:22] Okay, it's just the concern.
[39:23] She's the one who's going to be at the body.
[39:25] And from what he said,
[39:26] his fear is not losing his wife.
[39:29] So is it losing her life?
[39:31] Are we talking about losing her life?
[39:33] Or losing his wife the way he knows her?
[39:37] Which one?
[39:38] Which one is it?
[39:39] Because he said,
[39:40] I love her.
[39:41] She's my life, like 74 times inside this team.
[39:44] And that's touching me somewhere.
[39:46] It's making me feel that maybe something more...
[39:50] Are you sure he wants to live for this marriage?
[39:53] How can you not want to have a child?
[39:55] No, no. He doesn't want to have a child.
[39:57] He's saying that he can adopt or just show it.
[40:00] He doesn't want to have a child.
[40:01] Did we ask him?
[40:02] Can he father age out?
[40:03] Because there are so many issues.
[40:05] No one even said they are fine.
[40:07] He said they weren't...
[40:08] Yes, now they are good.
[40:09] They are good.
[40:10] They are good, do they?
[40:11] Yes.
[40:12] Let her have it.
[40:13] Let her have it.
[40:14] So did they.
[40:15] What was somebody say?
[40:16] I love my wife 42 times.
[40:17] Are you finding a problem with that?
[40:19] I have a problem with it.
[40:20] I have a problem with it.
[40:21] The problem I have with it is that it's not just coming from fear,
[40:26] but it's fear that it's manifesting us control.
[40:29] Because he's trying to get her,
[40:32] not to do something that she wants to do,
[40:35] and he's using his fear as his reason to control her decision.
[40:39] See, when you have a child...
[40:41] His child's worth...
[40:42] No, it's not a decision of one person.
[40:44] No, it's not a decision of one person.
[40:46] However, see, when you have a child,
[40:49] I'll give an instance.
[40:50] Ella would understand me.
[40:52] When you're taking your child to preschool,
[40:55] for the first time, you're terrified.
[40:58] What's going to happen to this child?
[41:00] In the hours that they've been working for years?
[41:02] What you love them enough to relinquish that control
[41:05] because you know that what's in front of them
[41:07] is an education they need to have, right?
[41:10] And so you let it go.
[41:12] Your child will come back with cough.
[41:14] We'll come back with injuries.
[41:15] You'll come back with chickenpox.
[41:17] But you will send them back to school, right?
[41:21] I've experienced that, but with my younger ones,
[41:23] taking them to school, having to leave them willing,
[41:26] telling me, don't go, please don't leave me.
[41:28] But I know that I have to leave them, right?
[41:31] It's the same thing here.
[41:33] It's like also having a car accident.
[41:35] You don't get off from a car accident and say,
[41:37] I will bike everywhere for the rest of my life.
[41:39] Or walk.
[41:40] You don't hear a plane crash and say,
[41:42] I will go by boats to London.
[41:44] Yes.
[41:45] You will walk through what is happening,
[41:47] but you will not let that fear control you.
[41:50] I feel that he should seek therapy for this fear
[41:54] at the same time, but he should also recognize that.
[41:56] He's trying to control his wife's decision with his fear, right?
[42:00] Yeah.
[42:01] In addition.
[42:02] And also, I think that we sometimes
[42:08] went this place where the negative is what we've...
[42:11] What has cut us?
[42:13] Because we don't know that the positive affects us as well.
[42:16] But we focus on the scars of the negative.
[42:19] And when we focus on the scars of the negative,
[42:21] it creates a sense of exclusion,
[42:23] meaning because women suffer pain in childbirth,
[42:27] my wife must suffer pain.
[42:29] We will suffer.
[42:30] Or we will suffer pain.
[42:31] And the chances are that she may have a very easy birth.
[42:34] I also feel like she too wants to have kids for the wrong reasons.
[42:37] I also.
[42:38] She feels bad when she's with all that women
[42:40] and they want to be their mothers.
[42:42] I don't want to do well on that.
[42:44] Yeah, no, I feel like...
[42:47] Maybe his control has been effective so far.
[42:52] Because her reason is not solely enough for her.
[42:56] Yes.
[42:57] If her reason for wanting kids,
[42:59] I feel like if it's solely enough for her,
[43:01] he wouldn't have gotten this far
[43:03] that they don't have children yet.
[43:05] I think for her, it's more of like,
[43:07] I love him so much.
[43:08] He doesn't want me to.
[43:09] I want to feel our mom.
[43:10] I feel like if it is...
[43:11] I'm not feeling our mom.
[43:12] I want to...
[43:13] I really want this.
[43:14] I really want a child.
[43:16] I'm kind of impressed.
[43:18] Four years.
[43:19] Not in mystique.
[43:20] 11 years.
[43:21] No, no, no.
[43:22] They possibly...
[43:23] Maybe they...
[43:24] Yeah, maybe they've had...
[43:25] Or maybe they...
[43:26] Or maybe he...
[43:27] Sorry?
[43:28] Or maybe he's...
[43:29] Maybe he's been...
[43:30] Which we don't really know.
[43:31] Four years.
[43:32] Yeah.
[43:33] I'm serious.
[43:34] I tell you, it's important this...
[43:35] Wait, wait.
[43:36] You will be careful.
[43:37] Yeah, I'm serious.
[43:38] I will believe you.
[43:39] No, this is possible.
[43:40] Exactly.
[43:41] I'm...
[43:42] It's a zero-in-section mom of four.
[43:44] Oh.
[43:45] Yes.
[43:46] Yes, four times.
[43:47] Yes, I did.
[43:48] Beautiful experience.
[43:49] I recommend it.
[43:50] I recommend it.
[43:51] I recommend it.
[43:52] Let me try hard not to...
[43:53] Do you know how...
[43:54] Do you know I'm always so scared of people?
[43:56] Do you know how I...
[43:57] They seem to do that, see.
[43:58] There's not even any type of chat, but that I...
[44:00] I...
[44:01] I...
[44:02] Now, I like...
[44:03] I'm just trying to say that.
[44:04] How do you...
[44:05] Wait, I want to go back to that CS.
[44:06] I'm so sorry.
[44:07] So, you had CS four times.
[44:09] Did it cost you the same place?
[44:10] The same place.
[44:11] The same place.
[44:12] Now, here's the thing.
[44:13] For me, I believe the CS gives you a lot of control.
[44:17] Also.
[44:18] Now, with natural birth, anything can happen.
[44:22] You can have the baby at home.
[44:25] You can have the baby with a traditional birth attendant.
[44:27] Where they are not ready for everything,
[44:29] they expect things to progress as normal.
[44:32] But for a zero-in-section, there's oxygen.
[44:35] The department of anesthesiology is there.
[44:38] The department of pediatrics is there.
[44:40] Everybody is able to represent it.
[44:42] Before the first incision, they have permutated.
[44:46] They have checked everything that could go wrong
[44:48] and they made arrangements for it.
[44:50] Yeah.
[44:51] So, the time you are being wheeled in,
[44:53] they have done a lot of calculations if she does this, we do this.
[44:56] If this happens, we do this.
[44:58] I've had it.
[44:59] The first time the baby was just sitting there.
[45:01] The baby refused to come.
[45:02] By the time I was 40 weeks and seven days, they said,
[45:06] Madame, we can't wait any longer.
[45:08] Less induced you.
[45:09] They tried induction three times.
[45:11] The third one took.
[45:12] Then I labored from like 9 pm to like 4 am.
[45:16] 5 pm dilated.
[45:18] Nothing is happening this morning.
[45:20] I'm helping them.
[45:22] I'm helping them.
[45:23] I'm helping them.
[45:24] I'm helping them.
[45:25] I'm helping them.
[45:27] I'll tell you how.
[45:28] I'll tell you how.
[45:29] So, the consultant comes and says,
[45:31] Madame, let's check again.
[45:33] He now checks.
[45:34] I said, the baby is too big.
[45:35] If you like, they both are not in next year.
[45:37] This baby cannot come out through the birth canal.
[45:39] We're doing this.
[45:40] Yes.
[45:41] And in 10 minutes, they gave me the epidural.
[45:43] And by the time they brought the baby out, guys,
[45:46] this boy weighed 4.9 kg.
[45:49] He said, why?
[45:50] Yes.
[45:51] He was four.
[45:52] He was my first child.
[45:53] No.
[45:54] That's why, see.
[45:55] Mine, the kind of man you admire.
[45:57] I admire someone who is six feet like 102.
[46:01] And he has big balls.
[46:02] I give back to his descendant.
[46:04] Five kg.
[46:05] That's what I had.
[46:07] Now, after that, the next one, they said,
[46:09] Madame, you can't push.
[46:10] I said, don't bother.
[46:12] Let's just continue this way.
[46:14] So, I go in.
[46:15] I drive myself to the hospital.
[46:17] This section, you bring out the baby.
[46:19] And in the next day, you're walking.
[46:21] You're doing everything five days.
[46:22] What about people that say,
[46:23] I am home.
[46:24] CS doesn't heal.
[46:25] No.
[46:26] No, no, no.
[46:27] It depends on your body.
[46:28] Honestly, my friend had a CS.
[46:30] I was with her all through.
[46:32] Yeah, that was when I thought about, wow.
[46:35] I'm not sure I want to skip because I saw that.
[46:38] But when we went for anti-natal, like a few weeks later,
[46:41] people were like, we saw other women
[46:43] that had...
[46:44] Give back, naturally.
[46:45] No, who had CS the same time as her?
[46:47] And some of them were still in serious recovery.
[46:51] She had bounced back, you know.
[46:53] So, it's...
[46:54] What do you think?
[46:55] Yeah, people were even asking,
[46:56] did she do...
[46:57] CS.
[46:58] Because her talking was...
[47:00] The point I'm trying to make for this month
[47:02] is that I understand the fear.
[47:04] But the fact that you're living
[47:06] is like, you've already bought the lottery tickets.
[47:09] Yeah.
[47:10] That you're alive, you've bought the tickets.
[47:11] Don't be prey, your number doesn't get cold up.
[47:13] Your wife can't die from any other means.
[47:15] Yeah, so...
[47:16] It mustn't be childbirth.
[47:17] It mustn't be childbirth.
[47:18] Now, what you do is...
[47:20] She has to have a baby.
[47:21] She wants to have a baby.
[47:23] She wants to...
[47:24] I don't forget.
[47:25] Let it not write us.
[47:26] So, we're hearing this thing from a month.
[47:28] So, the reason he gave us, she gave...
[47:30] When she writes...
[47:33] No, the reason she gave him...
[47:35] Oh.
[47:36] He was talking on behalf of his wife.
[47:38] If the wife writes,
[47:39] it doesn't have a clearer picture.
[47:41] The point I noticed about you,
[47:43] you don't call me anything.
[47:45] When the woman writes,
[47:46] you never say,
[47:47] let us hear from the man.
[47:49] No, no, no.
[47:50] I do.
[47:51] Are you doing?
[47:52] No, you do some of me.
[47:53] I'm not doing that.
[47:54] I'm not doing that.
[47:55] Where's the man's eye?
[47:56] Where's the man's eye?
[47:57] Where's the man's eye?
[47:58] You say?
[47:59] No, no, no.
[48:00] I know I have nothing to do with that drama.
[48:02] You know people who do that in law?
[48:04] Leaving with a man.
[48:05] Leaving with a man has taught me a lot of things.
[48:07] What we say and how we say it matters.
[48:11] Women speak a different language from the man.
[48:14] This is to cause issues between myself and my husband.
[48:16] I realize that my husband is someone
[48:19] who process these things audibly.
[48:22] So, he's...
[48:23] He doesn't...
[48:24] Women internalize.
[48:25] You think that what you say is what you have decided.
[48:28] So when the man says this thing, you take it as what he has decided.
[48:31] Oh, guy is processing.
[48:32] He has processed like seven different things.
[48:34] So you are poor.
[48:35] You are poor.
[48:36] Many of you are not writing while it was processing.
[48:37] Exactly.
[48:38] So when women write, a lot of times, even you know that,
[48:42] OK, yes, we'll make some excuses because we live with men.
[48:46] And we know how they can be.
[48:47] But when the men write, they somehow conveniently
[48:49] live out very important details.
[48:52] I am great.
[48:53] Detailed of details on the next time.
[48:55] Yes.
[48:56] For example, the man is writing.
[48:58] He said that.
[48:59] The man who writes and says, because of his small cheating,
[49:03] I did, she has not.
[49:04] No, you just want to say it.
[49:06] You just want to say it.
[49:07] Because they made the mistake.
[49:08] I made the mistake.
[49:09] Yes, yes, yes.
[49:10] It's like somebody saying, it's like, when?
[49:13] I'm going to say, oh, should I say this, yes.
[49:14] So this guy is like, she didn't really catch me cheating.
[49:20] Right?
[49:21] And everyone is like, he didn't, she didn't catch me.
[49:23] Did you cheat?
[49:24] Meanwhile, see what he did.
[49:26] Walks into his house.
[49:27] There is a pair of black high heels in his room.
[49:30] Guy, why do we have a pair of black high heels in his room?
[49:32] I use it for content.
[49:34] What did he say?
[49:35] If he said that, I would have laughed.
[49:36] I would have said, OK, no problem.
[49:37] No, what did he say?
[49:38] That's because he doesn't only laugh.
[49:41] So any time he's going to stop it.
[49:43] He used to go to his room.
[49:44] He was closed.
[49:45] OK, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[49:47] To change the ball.
[49:48] I agree with you.
[49:49] Let's go.
[49:51] We are done for the day.
[49:52] Not the doubts.
[49:53] I'm saying that, what are us?
[49:54] What kind of...
[49:55] So you know, do you know the lies that men would tell you
[49:57] just to get out of?
[49:58] Imagine.
[49:59] That's the end base.
[50:00] Isn't because they're not giving you lies, ma'am.
[50:02] They're not giving me words.
[50:02] They're not giving me words, ma'am.
[50:04] Hold on.
[50:05] It's not the same now.
[50:06] Wait, wait.
[50:07] Wait, wait.
[50:08] Yeah?
[50:09] Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[50:10] I bought you this, this pants, this pants.
[50:13] Is yours?
[50:14] I remember buying it for you.
[50:15] This pants is not my size.
[50:16] I said, I know it's bigger than you.
[50:18] I bought it because I know you soon expand.
[50:20] You expand.
[50:22] God bless you.
[50:24] What is it?
[50:25] What are you talking about?
[50:26] I said, this person will write into them.
[50:30] I said, she has never caught me cheating.
[50:32] Yes.
[50:33] And left out those details.
[50:34] Yes.
[50:35] I do agree.
[50:36] But again, let us give room for, you know, some...
[50:39] Yeah.
[50:40] Because, no, I, of course, I've experienced many times,
[50:42] men will write in and I will say,
[50:43] Sa, every few that gap.
[50:46] Yes, exactly.
[50:47] There's a gap and I need you to fill it.
[50:48] That's what you will now hear, maybe...
[50:51] Actually, you won't get in my office.
[50:54] Find out thoughts, find out thoughts.
[50:55] What are you going to tell this man?
[50:56] Find out thoughts.
[51:01] I'm not sure he's afraid.
[51:02] I think he's anxious.
[51:04] Fear is when you're certain of the outcome.
[51:07] Anxiety is when you're uncertain of the outcome.
[51:10] But the truth is, all of life is uncertainties.
[51:14] So you can't let yourself be ruled by your uncertainties.
[51:17] You, like, my father used to say,
[51:19] do the one you can't, leave the one you do not can't.
[51:22] I will tell him to, leave the one he do not can't, because...
[51:26] And just let his wife, they should go ahead and have...
[51:29] Let's have her.
[51:30] I would say they should go ahead, just let them just...
[51:32] Stop living in fear.
[51:34] Yeah, stop living in fear.
[51:35] Yeah, whatever decision you make, stop living in fear.
[51:37] Because even if they adopt,
[51:39] even if they adopt,
[51:40] even if they have a sorrow gauge,
[51:42] tomorrow, the child will fall ill.
[51:44] I would say my child to school,
[51:46] because I've seen children die from going to school and blah, blah, blah.
[51:48] There will always be a reason.
[51:50] There's always something to be scared of.
[51:51] I mean, I think she had, you know, the body...
[51:54] Let that opinion be prioritized.
[51:55] She's even not about body. Let her...
[51:57] Let her be the one to decide.
[51:59] If eventually she's so calm and says,
[52:02] oh, she doesn't want to be a baby.
[52:04] That's... Let's be her decision.
[52:06] Let's not be that...
[52:08] How...
[52:09] She's living in fear.
[52:10] Or she's living because her husband is afraid.
[52:13] Let her be the one that is afraid.
[52:15] It's usually women that are afraid.
[52:16] So I'm very surprised that he's the one that is afraid.
[52:18] I love Moses Tronbo.
[52:20] Take me to your Baba.
[52:21] Oh, they flood this flood.
[52:24] And I'm scared that he might wake up 10 years from now.
[52:27] I want a baby.
[52:28] I want a baby.
[52:29] Don't you want a baby now?
[52:31] I want a baby.
[52:32] He's biological.
[52:32] She's...
[52:33] No, he can't.
[52:35] I'm so scared of it because
[52:38] anytime I hear stories like this,
[52:40] chances are that years down the line,
[52:42] the man says, I want each other of my own.
[52:44] And that woman is left out in the cold.
[52:46] Do you remember the story that was trying to do a short while ago?
[52:48] I regret manipulating my wife into having a child.
[52:51] They both agreed to leave child free.
[52:54] They got married.
[52:55] Now, yes, they did.
[52:56] The man changed his mind.
[52:57] The wife said, I don't want...
[52:58] The man made it a condition for the marriage to continue.
[53:01] First, start to have a baby.
[53:02] Now she has had the baby.
[53:04] The man is regretting that he doesn't like what the baby did to her.
[53:07] He doesn't like what the baby did to their lifestyle.
[53:09] Imagine.
[53:10] That he wants to go back.
[53:11] What should we do to the baby?
[53:12] No, this is the issue.
[53:14] Life is mercurial.
[53:15] You can't change your mind.
[53:16] Then it's too late.
[53:18] We haven't talked in.
[53:18] Are we sure they can?
[53:19] Because it's not always that easy.
[53:21] But for me, I think what he should do is...
[53:24] And I mean, just like...
[53:25] We're not going to say about can.
[53:27] About canning.
[53:28] Do the best you can, which is best health care
[53:31] that you can afford.
[53:32] Put everything in place.
[53:34] If you are so afraid,
[53:35] have a caesarean section.
[53:36] It reduces the likelihood of anything going wrong.
[53:40] As in, I don't know much.
[53:41] I don't like saying percentage.
[53:43] I don't know much.
[53:44] Which type of page?
[53:45] International, I chose the causes that I don't need much.
[53:47] I don't know much.
[53:48] Let's talk about how I was seeing much.
[53:50] Please.
[53:51] I did test much.
[53:53] You got to see?
[53:54] I got to see one time.
[53:55] My father sent me back with my results.
[53:57] I got to see. My mother said,
[53:58] didn't know that I got to see it.
[53:59] He said they should go and check it.
[54:00] They're not sure.
[54:01] So I went and they recalculated.
[54:02] Like, oh, no, she had an e.
[54:03] My father said, hey, I know.
[54:04] Hey, I know.
[54:05] Say no, babe.
[54:06] No, no, babe.
[54:07] So, for me, I think he should...
[54:10] They should...
[54:11] Life doesn't mean you don't have fears, you know?
[54:14] Courage going on despite their fears.
[54:17] So you can be afraid and still do what you have to do
[54:20] at the same time.
[54:21] And like she said,
[54:22] how opinion counts more in this.
[54:24] Now she will die if anything happens.
[54:26] So she's willing to take the risk.
[54:27] Let's hope.
[54:28] And again, let's not like maternal mortality.
[54:31] The rates are way down.
[54:33] Very, very down what it used to be.
[54:35] Thanks to little technology in healthcare.
[54:38] Thanks to more seerians' section
[54:40] because most of the women that are dying.
[54:42] They were dying because they were being forced
[54:44] to push babies that you wouldn't push.
[54:46] Yes, he grew...
[54:46] I'm not a brown one, I'm not from Hebrew.
[54:48] Or wherever you get.
[54:49] So, have a seerians' section.
[54:51] Go with a health plan or health care system
[54:54] that takes care of everything.
[54:56] And God be your guide and maybe invite us for child dedication.
[54:59] Yes, so that's the part I want.
[55:00] Amen, somebody nice.
[55:02] Thank you so much, guys.
[55:03] We have gifts for you before you go.
[55:05] Oh, and then yes.
[55:07] Yes, I like it.
[55:08] Oh, done.
[55:09] As long as it's done.
[55:10] And black, my favorite color.
[55:12] Please pass it.
[55:14] Alrighty.
[55:15] Here you go.
[55:16] Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[55:18] Oh, my gosh.
[55:19] When are we coming back?
[55:20] Oh, my gosh.
[55:21] Young community member.
[55:22] What about you?
[55:27] The way you grabbed my jam,
[55:28] you would hold it with two hands.
[55:29] I kid you not, like literally.
[55:31] And you sit there, sit there.
[55:33] I'm not joking.
[55:35] I'm not joking.
[55:36] Hey, see.
[55:37] In your 20s and your grandma will find you.
[55:41] Yes.
[55:42] And we're from Ibadon.
[55:44] It will find you.
[55:45] It will find you.
[55:46] And he will bring you.
[55:47] And he will bring you.
[55:48] And he will bring you.
[55:50] But I love you, man.
[55:52] You know what?
[55:53] In what ever you do.
[55:54] Yes.
[55:55] Try.
[55:56] Just for once in your life,
[55:58] be loved by a premium, anabra man.
[56:02] I conquer.
[56:03] Now, it doesn't matter if he knows how to speak English.
[56:07] Oh, oh, oh.
[56:08] Love without language.
[56:10] Baby.
[56:11] See?
[56:12] Mommy.
[56:13] See?
[56:14] Haven't told you mommy.
[56:15] See?
[56:16] Look, haven't told you mommy.
[56:17] And I've just dropped this one.
[56:19] Stop this one.
[56:20] Yay.
[56:22] Thank you so much.
[56:23] You actually made it to the end of this video.
[56:26] Don't forget to subscribe, like, comment,
[56:29] and share this amazing episode.

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