# JBums on marital leadership, life after loss & friendship breakups | Dear Ife Series Podcast

An episode of [Diary of A Naija Girl](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1888131074), 6 Mar 2026, 1 h 13 min.

Audio: https://episode.flightcast.com/ldabjj9ijuwfcwbf6o3n6bll.mp3

Bunmi George media personality, author and wellness advocate, sat down on the Dear Ife series podcast couch and shared candid insights about traveling alone, the power of female friendships, and stepping back from relationships that no longer serve you. She reflects on marriage, her husband’s supportive leadership, personal loss, grief, and healing, highlighting the role of friends, faith, and community. The conversation also explores trust, boundaries, and secrecy in relationships, offering practical guidance for personal growth and meaningful connections. It was a thoughtful and inspiring conversation, and now we want to hear your thoughts. DANG community members, over to you in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share and subscribe. Chapters 00:00 - Intro 01:17 - Welcome Jbums 02:37 - Traveling alone: overcoming nervousness and finding peace 04:57 - The power of female support systems and choosing friends 09:28 - How to reconcile after a falling out 12:28 - Outgrowing relationships: friends vs. marriage 14:52 - Facing financial hardship: 11 months without a job 16:41 - Leadership and humility in marriage 19:40 - Opportunity meets preparation: getting the dream job 25:58 - Double grief: losing a brother and father within a week 26:38 - Enormous support: how friends became an anchor 28:51 - Trauma and strength: navigating the weakness of grief 30:22 - Grief therapy: massages and floating tanks 35:36 - Confronting fear 42:12 - Facing internet persecution and smear campaigns 45:40 - Dealing with death threats and staying focused 47:23 - The Feast: campus outreach and reaching Gen Z 53:40 - The impact: reaching 20,000 students 57:04 - Story: The "privacy vs. secrecy" dilemma 1:03:33 - The bounds of privacy in marriage 1:06:01 - When spouses conflict with friendships 1:11:24 - Final thoughts and closing Want more visual podcasts from DANG? SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/@diaryofanaijagirl #DANG #DiaryofaNaijaGirl #DANGWithIfe About Diary of a Naija Girl Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) is an online community, founded and managed by Ifedayo Agoro, to inspire women across the world through creative storytelling. Back in 2015, it started as an online diary, sharing the everyday adventures of an anonymous Nigerian woman. Fast forward nine years, and it has become a tribe of incredible women, living their best lives one story at a time. DANG is a safe space for women to be unapologetically themselves, a family that laughs, learns and lifts each other, from Lagos to every corner of the world. About Ifedayo Agoro An entrepreneur, creative writer, content creator, content marketer and media strategist, Ifedayo Agoro is the founder of Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) and DANG Lifestyle, a premium home and body care production company, which she launched in Nigeria in 2020. Ifedayo is passionate about social responsibility and philanthropy. She sponsors several young residents at Little Saints Orphanage and partners with Lots Charity Foundation, a non-governmental aid organisation. Connect with DANG Online: Like DANG on FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/3xLjCkU Follow DANG on TWITTER: https://bit.ly/4aBgy9I Follow DANG on INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/4ay4Axu Follow DANG on LINKEDIN: https://bit.ly/3JhGpHM

## Transcript

[0:01] Do we talk about friendship breakup enough?
[0:03] Sometimes, you know, I find that girl friendship breakups are sometimes worse than romantic relationships.
[0:09] Because there be no things!
[0:11] That's one of the things that people don't actually talk about.
[0:13] You actually outgrow some relationships.
[0:15] Would you outgrow marriage?
[0:18] Listen, when you had the conversation about how your husband had been out of the job for a while
[0:22] and you having to step into that, I just want to know, like, what was that process like for you?
[0:29] That's a hard question.
[0:31] What about your grief stage now?
[0:33] Because, I mean, it was so close.
[0:34] Dad, brother.
[0:35] I remember when they came to tell us that my dad, you know, had passed.
[0:42] I can never forget how I felt.
[0:48] Immediately, I didn't cry.
[0:50] My body just reacted.
[0:52] I was vibrating.
[0:54] My brother had to hold me, you know,
[0:56] because then now we now have to tell our mom.
[0:59] that you just buried your son yesterday,
[1:01] your husband has died today.
[1:17] Hi, everybody.
[1:18] Welcome to another amazing episode of the Dear Efe series.
[1:23] This is your safe space to come talk about
[1:25] whatever it is you're going through.
[1:27] and we share with our amazing, intelligent, opinionated guests
[1:33] who are also wise.
[1:35] Some of these things they've been through, some not so much.
[1:37] They may know somebody who has been through it,
[1:39] but the bottom line is we just want you to know
[1:41] that you are not alone in your troubles.
[1:44] There is always a silver lining at the end of the day.
[1:46] So I hope at the end of this, you find one.
[1:49] Today, I have with me the most beautiful,
[1:53] the most elegant, the nutritionist,
[1:56] Your influencers, influencer.
[1:58] A travel enthusiast.
[2:03] And Mommy G.O.
[2:05] Daybooms, everybody!
[2:12] Thank you for such an introduction.
[2:13] Did your head swell just a little bit?
[2:15] Very well.
[2:15] Like I'm like wobbling right now.
[2:17] I love it.
[2:18] How are you?
[2:18] I'm doing very well.
[2:19] You're finally here.
[2:20] I'm fine.
[2:21] I'm fine.
[2:23] I'm going through life.
[2:23] We're going through life.
[2:25] And you're glowing.
[2:25] Glowing.
[2:27] That's the least we should do.
[2:28] In this life, the least we should do is just...
[2:31] Is blue.
[2:32] First.
[2:32] Every other thing we follow.
[2:33] How are you?
[2:35] I'm doing well.
[2:36] How's it been all through the year?
[2:37] How's your year been?
[2:37] It's been a very busy year, honestly.
[2:38] So...
[2:39] Traveling.
[2:40] I haven't traveled that much this year.
[2:41] Do you want to go to us to go to your Instagram page?
[2:42] Please go and check.
[2:43] Do you want us to...
[2:44] Go and check.
[2:45] It's not even up to six times.
[2:47] Oh, rah, wah.
[2:48] Wah, wah, wah.
[2:48] I know people that have done it before.
[2:50] I know people that have done it before.
[2:50] I know people that have done it before.
[2:52] Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.
[2:54] I know people that have done more.
[2:55] Yes, we've been new, but still.
[2:56] You, you, you.
[2:57] No, yes.
[2:58] Exactly.
[3:00] I just tried to say no, but now I'm calculating away.
[3:02] Exactly.
[3:03] Okay, okay, but still.
[3:05] Yes, it was very eventful traveling and lots of adventure.
[3:08] Yeah.
[3:08] Some with hobbies, some with the kids.
[3:10] Yes.
[3:11] So it was good, yeah.
[3:12] Have you ever traveled by yourself?
[3:13] I have.
[3:14] My last vacation was actually two parts.
[3:15] So the first part was I was alone.
[3:18] And I actually didn't know how I would feel traveling alone.
[3:21] really being alone yes i hadn't done it before but it was the best thing ever and i need to do it
[3:29] did you feel bad at first when you go by yourself not really i was just a little bit nervous
[3:34] say like you know how would it be done by myself but i actually loved it i actually loved it my
[3:39] mom was like you see i told you you love it she's telling you yeah she was because i was telling her
[3:43] like i'm being nervous you know to kind of travel by myself i've never done it before yeah you know
[3:48] and you know my husband says one thing that people fear what they don't understand yes so once you've
[3:52] like done it before and like you know i'm let me do it again let me do it again so it's definitely
[3:56] going to be part of my travel itinerary moving forward how many days did you spend rising um
[4:01] six really six days are you touring you're doing your thing by myself by myself enjoying it
[4:10] honestly that would be so amazing i want to do it again because i always advocate for travel by
[4:17] yourself at some point in life because sometimes you see things through other people's eyes but
[4:23] when you travel by yourself your opinion is yours your experience is yours yes you can think more
[4:28] you can process more things that just come to you just because you're alone yes you don't have
[4:33] anybody to say oh this gist that gist you're just seeing it yourself it's really good yeah and
[4:40] at the end of the day that kind of thing you just realize that all that you've been thinking about
[4:43] all the anxiousness all the anxiety you really you're from just a place of not knowing since
[4:50] you're just used to you know everybody traveling with you at the same time i love it please do it
[4:54] more i love i love it definitely definitely you also travel with your friends quite a bit
[5:00] you're such a girl yes girl i love my friend yes i love my relationship yes yes yes at what point in
[5:08] your life because i know you also very choose your friends very carefully you know align with your
[5:13] values and all of that at what point in your life did you realize the power of female support system
[5:21] i think quite early for me i'll say maybe i was about 19 19 20. um i think a lot and i'm very
[5:28] introspective and i was like that from a very young age and i think that gave me an edge and so
[5:34] from when i was about 19 i started to choose my friends depending on how they made me feel so if
[5:40] you come around me and maybe when i was young i didn't really understand it but if you upset my
[5:44] nervous system i didn't want to see you again yeah and you say certain things to me i may not
[5:49] i may not have cut you off but i've put you at arm's length but as i started to get older into
[5:55] my early 20s and you know my mid-20s i got married i'd like to say quite early i was 26.
[6:00] i had just done 26 one month after my 26th birthday um i started to really take into
[6:08] consideration the type of people i wanted in my life and it has just been smooth sailing since
[6:12] yeah well not all smooth i guess i was going to say i was going to say you must have had some
[6:18] heartbreaks yes all of that oh yes yes i think for me because i'm such an open person um i i also
[6:25] love freely and typically what you see with j booms what you get yeah um i have no hidden agenda
[6:31] if i love you i love you and i don't love you because you're going to give me something because
[6:34] i have something to gain i'm not a social climber i don't try to be your friend because i feel like
[6:39] you can get me into one room or whatever i just like people for you know but i found that especially
[6:44] moving to nigeria that wasn't really the case for others yes people were trying to be your friend
[6:52] because they had something to gain from you yeah and then of course i had a few of those that came
[6:56] into um my pool and i was able to kind of fish them out you know quite quickly yeah but i did
[7:05] have some some hard because you know when you're also dealing with friendships you're dealing with
[7:09] things that people are going through from their past from their childhood the way they are
[7:13] processing life so many different things and then maybe a situation pops up and they are just
[7:19] widely nothing i'm just wondering like why why am i the focus of this thing you know so i did have
[7:23] one particular situation and i had to tell myself that i'm not the problem here there's something
[7:27] that she's going through and actually made me give her compassion but it also allowed me to step back
[7:31] because i said to myself if i continue with this relationship is because um i don't love myself
[7:36] enough oh was that bad yes yes yes because i don't love myself enough i need to step back from this
[7:42] not because they were going through something and they were lashing out no because i knew that this
[7:46] was something that was not going to change based off of i mean or even quickly it was something
[7:52] that will probably take time for them to walk through for them to come to a place of peace
[7:58] and you didn't have to be around for that no and that was one that was one of the hardest things
[8:02] for me to do is for me to actually step back but that was great for me because i'm also like oh
[8:09] let's love let's be fine let's be you know that's good no that particular friendship i had to take a
[8:15] step back from that friendship and tell myself that it was okay to do that
[8:19] Do we talk about friendship breakup enough?
[8:22] And how it actually does affect you?
[8:24] You don't just buy and go.
[8:26] I think that people don't talk about it enough and it happens a lot.
[8:29] And we try to be hard, hard girl, hard girl.
[8:32] You know, you don't pay me.
[8:34] But you're crying in your room.
[8:35] Because sometimes, you know, I find that girl friendship breakups are sometimes worse than romantic relationships.
[8:41] Because there be no things.
[8:44] There no things.
[8:46] And so it's so hard for you to, I mean, you can separate, but it's hard to separate emotionally because it's just so quick to call on them.
[8:54] Exactly.
[8:55] Exactly.
[8:55] And then you're dealing with all the different emotions and you're also angry with yourself.
[8:59] Like, why is this affecting me so much?
[9:02] Can't I just move on with my life without this person?
[9:04] Yes.
[9:04] You know, but I have gone through some friendship breakups and it was difficult.
[9:10] Some actually we come back together and some we just say let bygones be bygones.
[9:15] How do women resolve?
[9:17] Men would shake hands and go about their ways.
[9:22] And they are done.
[9:23] That thing you did offended me.
[9:25] How do you come back from your friendship breakup?
[9:29] I think also, like, what happened?
[9:31] How did we fall out?
[9:33] What did we do in the process?
[9:35] Because sometimes there are some people that will fall out.
[9:37] Everybody's hearing about this thing, you know,
[9:39] from their own perspective without asking me what happened.
[9:43] Well, for the ones that I have reconciled with, even the ones I have not, the kind of person I am, I love to communicate.
[9:50] So I want to know.
[9:51] What was it?
[9:53] Yes.
[9:53] I don't want to think.
[9:54] Because sometimes you see what you see.
[9:56] Because sometimes people also just block you out.
[9:58] I don't want to talk to you any longer.
[9:59] True.
[10:00] And there's no closure.
[10:01] Sometimes there doesn't need to be closure sometimes.
[10:04] No need.
[10:04] But for the ones that I feel like are worth it, if I ever come and meet you, let's have a conversation.
[10:10] It's because I value your friendship.
[10:12] If I don't meet you, then my dear, just be going like that.
[10:16] But I like to communicate.
[10:18] I like to know what did I do that made you upset?
[10:20] Is there something that I said?
[10:22] Is there something that I didn't do?
[10:23] And then we can have that conversation.
[10:26] How we have that conversation too is very important.
[10:28] Because sometimes people don't know how to communicate.
[10:30] Yes.
[10:31] We also have to give people grace for that as well.
[10:33] Yes.
[10:34] We don't know how to communicate.
[10:35] Sometimes people just say, you did this, you're crazy, you're mad.
[10:37] I'm like, oh, let us say.
[10:40] you know um let's let's communicate in a way that is honoring of what we had exactly maybe not going
[10:47] forward but we had so even if we're going to break up it doesn't have to be on a bad note where i
[10:53] insulted you and you insulted me we see each other outside you can't even greet each other yeah yeah
[10:57] you may not be friends but if i see you outside i'm just gonna hey how are you doing it doesn't
[11:00] mean that it doesn't mean that i'm fake yeah it just means that there's no hostility yeah
[11:05] and sometimes that's fine yeah right i've not come to your child's birthday i'm not come when
[11:09] is your birthday i'm here coming in exactly right but if i see you my heart should not be doing go
[11:15] go go go go go right yeah yeah so then you come back from that by having a conversation and saying
[11:25] that conversion will determine are we going to get back together as friends or no yeah sometimes it
[11:29] takes time even after that conversation is hard if that friendship is going to be you know you have
[11:32] to put in extra efforts to make sure that you know you understand because we're also evolving as
[11:37] people yeah your friend that you have been friends since you were 13. you guys are 37 now you're 30
[11:41] you're 40. of obviously you have changed that person no doesn't longer exist that when you were
[11:46] 13. they're like you know you feel like you can talk to your friend anyhow we used to do when you
[11:50] were 13 and 15 right and you want to talk to like them like that when you're 40. i understand we are
[11:55] friends and we can just but there are some things that we should grow as friends there's there are
[12:01] many things that shout out to my own bestie you know um there are many things that we would we
[12:08] argued about when we were 20 and 21. we're not arguing now in our late 30s so even as in in
[12:15] friendships just like in every relationship we should grow yes there should be growth yeah that's
[12:19] happening somebody's not growing there's an issue yes there is an issue there's an issue there's an
[12:24] issue and that's why people actually sometimes grow out of some friendships and that's one of
[12:29] the things that people don't actually talk about is that you actually outgrow some relationships
[12:33] you do but do you have grown marriage ah the same see that one said do you know when people have
[12:40] told me we just have grown each other in marriage because how because sometimes the two people are
[12:46] not growing at the same piece maybe the man is you know he's a go-getter he's doing different
[12:51] things he's you know bettering himself self-development you know and you're just
[12:55] also maybe okay with just where you're at and sometimes it's just a personality thing so what
[13:00] i found that sometimes people are just people are just content with who they are they don't want to
[13:05] be ambitious and that's also okay can you not accept that rather than say we outgrow can you
[13:11] can that not be an acceptable thing actually it should be yeah it should be sometimes some people
[13:15] just it's not that they are not ambitious they're just okay they're content they are very much what
[13:19] you are your ambition is too much just all this money where do you want to take it especially in
[13:24] this country in this country we're doing one big thing the next big thing i'm anxious let me just
[13:30] be me let me just be myself let me just be doing what i need to do and that's also okay that's fine
[13:34] yeah that's fine that one you may accept in friendship very hard to accept in marriage
[13:39] very very hard very hard and again at the end of the day you just look at how you know it looks
[13:43] like you are joining the heap when it comes to marriage actually maybe a good one a good marriage
[13:48] but then this one person just you know just keeps going and if you are satisfied i wonder why are
[13:53] you not joining me in this but i think it's also the it's also the will i say your spouse should
[14:03] sometimes carry you along yes you know as they're going ahead you know have you have you decided to
[14:08] you know to do this what do you think about this what do you think about this i read about this
[14:11] idea um a supportive spouse should help you grow yes should help you grow you may not be in a way
[14:19] that is grand but better than yesterday better than your last season yeah yeah i agree um the
[14:25] other day when we met at the mutual friend's house we were talking about oh your husband's
[14:30] helicopter flying and because i don't know what your relationship is i was going to say oh but
[14:36] you remember i think you wrote about your interview about it i can't remember when you had
[14:40] a conversation about well your husband been out of your job for a while and you having to step into
[14:45] that and then hearing you talking about you know all these great things he's doing now and now
[14:49] you're talking about sub-us bands or why supporting each other i just want to know like what was that
[14:53] process like for you ah that process 11 months of not having a job yes what was that i mean for me
[15:03] because you know anybody that's married to a pilot will know that a pilot is in love with his job
[15:07] he loved being in the air so when i heard i was already like oh my goodness i don't know how he's
[15:11] going to take it so me i was already scared like this guy he loves his job you know and he then had
[15:18] a meeting with me and said we have to cut down our expenses first of all we have two cars one
[15:25] car needs to go and i was like i'm not going back to shake no i'm not going back i like i like being
[15:31] alone in the car sometimes i mean you know i need a car on friday where are you please be coming
[15:37] back i'm just i don't want that yeah and then he was like oh that all the domestic stuff you know
[15:42] that we had he was like you know what you can only choose two i mean domestics have to do let me even
[15:48] go there i think we were about four so two needed to go i think you're about four there yeah two
[15:52] needed to go and then two were going to stay right and i was like i mean i like comfort i don't want
[15:58] to be doing all these things because at that point i had a cook you know the housekeeper you know and
[16:03] he was like exactly people need to be here and i was like why but still man i'm still making money
[16:09] now i'm still working he was like because there's only one income true so you have to understand
[16:15] that there's only one income so everything must be cut down yeah so obviously he had to then take up
[16:20] you know a lot of responsibility around the house as well and he was willing to do it so i dug my
[16:25] heart my heart to him that he did a lot of work when i know the thing about it is he led by example
[16:33] he was not just saying this is what we're going to do he was showing me that this is how we are going
[16:36] to do it it's possible we can do it yes yes and we did so um you know one of the things that boss
[16:42] people's brain is that he actually came to work for my company shredder gang so we used to he
[16:47] used to come to the office and he was ending his salary and i thought that was that was that was
[16:53] that was humble that was humility i don't even know if there's another one that was a leader
[17:00] yes that's what i would say yes because this is my position in this family yes how do i just sit
[17:05] and he came to work for his wife yes in the office with other staff members yes right sometimes he
[17:10] he would have to go and do deliveries.
[17:12] Oh.
[17:13] And some people actually got deliveries from my husband personally.
[17:16] They go, Mr. Black came to deliver.
[17:18] They didn't know that he was doing delivery work.
[17:20] What year was this?
[17:21] Maybe it was that year that I came to see you.
[17:24] Because you told me my husband even does deliveries for...
[17:25] Because I had just had a baby when you came to visit school.
[17:27] Yes.
[17:28] Because you told me that, oh, my husband does deliveries.
[17:30] He's gone for the...
[17:31] You didn't do any of that in the mind.
[17:33] I mean, I just thought you were working together.
[17:34] So he does things.
[17:35] Yes, yes, yes.
[17:36] But I'm just...
[17:37] He's just speaking in my brain now.
[17:38] be i had to be um extra careful not because he had an issue with working for me but i wanted to make
[17:48] sure i still honored him in that time yes because being being i believe in me i believe in the word
[17:54] of god i thank god that you introduced me we introduced you and so i believe that my husband
[17:57] is the leader and and leadership is not about how much money you make no it's about the position
[18:04] that you have in the home regardless and so i still give him that respect and so in that time
[18:10] i i was very careful about setting things that you know do or say that maybe before
[18:18] may not have been an issue but you don't have to have emotional intelligence and and the heart of
[18:24] your partner is very important in this time so for me i was very and i was young sometimes i think
[18:30] back at him i'm like you have sense yeah you have that young age yeah you have said grounded yes yes
[18:36] and so we went through that we went through that um that process and that process actually brought
[18:41] us closer i thank god for that time i don't think if i if i have to live that time again i would
[18:45] change that period of our lives we became very very close and there are many things that i couldn't i
[18:52] now you know he drew me in to understanding about the way he thinks you know and how there are many
[18:59] things that he was like i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this you know um he
[19:03] wasn't just sitting down he went on a fast he was praying i mean he was cooking he was cleaning
[19:13] he was doing all the things that he was supposed to do as a man he was not just sitting there and
[19:18] being depressed yeah yeah i don't have anybody to you know um he was he was leading by example
[19:24] and as he told me he's like should anything ever happen to me i want you to to know how to live
[19:32] i want you to know that this and this and this is what you i'm going to show you how
[19:39] tell me about the day you finally got the job ah you know he had he had gotten
[19:46] another offer right earlier in the year and i was so excited about that offer even though that offer
[19:51] was going to take him away from us for a long time well you know what for me i was like if he's going
[19:56] to make him happy he's going to put you know money in our bank accounts not like we're suffering
[20:00] because even in that time where we he was out of a job god was so faithful you see all this our
[20:06] traveling we travel do yes and we continue our traveling we minimize a lot of things
[20:11] but i was like you know and that was the time he was on the fast and he then came to me and said
[20:19] i don't feel like this is a job for me and i think it's important to understand that what did you
[20:22] feel that there are only two companies that can hire him in nigeria oh one that was calling him
[20:27] and the other one that was not hiring oh how did you feel i was like you think so but i believe in
[20:35] my man i really believe in the things that he says i believe that he that he's he's his thoughts i
[20:43] believe that he has vision i believe in in in in his thinking process he showed me over the years
[20:51] even from when we were dating his thinking process he's not a perfect man but he's very close he's a
[20:56] wise man very um and even in that time so it was not that he was lazy it was that he was seeing
[21:03] something that i couldn't see right from a professional point of view yeah and because i
[21:08] I love him, number one.
[21:11] I respect him, number two.
[21:13] Number three, I respect his vision.
[21:15] I was like, okay, no problem.
[21:17] We move.
[21:17] We move.
[21:18] We continue to.
[21:19] And then, nothing happened the next month.
[21:21] Nothing happened three months down the line.
[21:25] He just decides that he's going to this particular place.
[21:28] Just go and see if they will give him a job.
[21:32] And he dropped his CV.
[21:34] They called him for an interview.
[21:36] Some people that were not hiring him.
[21:37] he called him for an interview
[21:39] and he said the interview went so well
[21:42] and the next day I asked him
[21:43] I think it was a Tuesday or a Monday
[21:46] it was either a Monday or a Tuesday
[21:48] and they asked him are you available to fly out
[21:50] on Thursday
[21:50] the first thing they asked him, do you have an American visa?
[21:53] he said yes, so these are all of the things that he was
[21:55] also putting in place
[21:57] should in case
[21:59] I get this job now, I want to be ready
[22:02] he took out of our savings and went for
[22:04] training before all of this
[22:06] So it was almost, it was not almost, opportunity met preparation.
[22:10] Yes.
[22:11] Which is why I could also trust him.
[22:14] And so he said, yes, he has American visa.
[22:17] Next is, can you travel on Thursday?
[22:19] He said, yes.
[22:20] That was it.
[22:21] When he came home and he told me, yeah, I'm very dramatic.
[22:26] I'm a very dramatic person.
[22:27] If you're close to me, you know I talk, you know I'm dramatic.
[22:31] And when I received a miracle, I'm even more dramatic.
[22:33] i started rolling everywhere i can imagine you're rolling on the floor i still ruined everything i
[22:37] went to the toilet i cried i cried i cried then he went i can't remember how long he went for but he
[22:46] came back and don't forget i i still had small children my my first child was not even one yet
[22:53] he wasn't sorry my second was not even one years my first was about one and a half also because i
[22:57] had had them very close together back to back so he left me the two the two small children
[23:03] And sometimes I think about my mindset when he left me there.
[23:06] And sometimes I give myself a tap on the back.
[23:08] I say, oh, Mo, you really try.
[23:10] You get focus.
[23:13] And then when he then sent the offer,
[23:17] that's when I cried the most.
[23:20] I was like...
[23:21] Were you remembering your times, those 11 months?
[23:23] Honestly.
[23:23] Cutting back.
[23:24] Cutting back on everything.
[23:26] You know, him coming to work for me, the humility in that.
[23:30] And then finally, him getting this job with an international company.
[23:37] I was like, thank you, Jesus.
[23:40] And it was a new day for my family.
[23:41] Yes.
[23:42] It's like it was a new day.
[23:44] It was a new season.
[23:45] And it was amazing.
[23:47] It was amazing for us.
[23:49] Did you feel relief?
[23:52] No.
[23:52] Well, relief because I wanted him to be fulfilled.
[23:58] but not relief like ah thank god more money will come in yes because really we're doing okay i was
[24:03] doing i was doing my boss babe so in money wise we're fine yeah you know and we also don't live
[24:11] above our means my husband will tell you you say we live below our means you say you say i don't
[24:15] live below my means i slim fit it we made it at the time that yeah yeah i get that and so we are
[24:23] we were fine you know uh money wise maybe if it had continued for longer maybe i would have been
[24:29] tired because you know after i shared this story i had many stories for many women till tomorrow
[24:35] people still stop me i say thank you for sharing that story it changed my perspective on many
[24:40] things you know how many men reached out to me in that time even women to say my husband is out of
[24:46] your job because you know that happened in 20 that happened in 2017 2018. i shared this in 2021
[24:54] and i shared it shortly after kovit so people it was a reality that many families were facing
[24:59] at the time yes so it was almost as if i came to help many you know navigate that's that period um
[25:08] so yeah i mean i have heard women that you know five years six years you know um and they're still
[25:14] the ones providing that would be very tough yeah i can't even speak to speak on that because that
[25:19] was not my story yeah that was not my story yeah really really tough i can imagine that to see how
[25:26] you know one of the things that just when you see people online and then maybe you know them
[25:30] a little bit behind the scene you know that this person is has their home is solid i don't know
[25:36] what that word to use what i'm saying it's just that there's there's peace around them there's
[25:43] content there's satisfaction no it doesn't have to be perfect but what is the main ingredient
[25:49] that this marriage needs this marriage has and that was a comfort that i felt when i heard about
[25:59] your brother and your dad there is somewhere and i know that it couldn't have been easy no but there
[26:05] was there's there's somewhere that it's not not always lost there was something there was an
[26:11] There was an anchor.
[26:12] There was an anchor.
[26:12] Because you know, we've got to hold on to something.
[26:14] Yes.
[26:15] Thank God for God.
[26:16] Yes, thank God.
[26:17] But there was, there was some way that we had to.
[26:18] Yes, yes.
[26:19] How was the support like?
[26:20] Hmm, the support.
[26:22] The support was enormous.
[26:25] First of all, shout out to all my girlfriends.
[26:27] People were flying to Toronto like they were going to Ibadan.
[26:32] People were coming in.
[26:34] I would just see people at my door.
[26:36] The support was, there was a whole admin system for me.
[26:40] friends created a full admin system that was running with people who were coming to clean daily
[26:46] friend my friends who coming to clean organize food so they had they had put money together
[26:53] just so that we didn't have to think about food or what not people had donated money even from
[26:58] nigeria from america from different places so there was an admin system running in toronto as
[27:03] well people would come they would clean make sure i was okay make sure my mom was okay because there
[27:08] was just so many people in the house yeah i know i think i even became twofold when my dad then passed
[27:14] yes you know and that was just a week after yeah so it's so short you know and obviously we have
[27:20] to do burial so many different things many moving parts um but my friends were my uncle i can never
[27:28] forget that time i can never forget the people that stood by me never the way they were a solid
[27:35] rock they were not like am i are we doing too much they were doing the most and that was okay
[27:42] they were doing the most sometimes i i think about it and i still cry
[27:47] i think about two of my best friends they they flew to canada and one lives in canada that one
[27:53] was just moving like one moving like like 10 000 behind the scenes you know the support was amazing
[28:00] and it didn't stop even when i came to nigeria they continued they had a ketra i was cooking
[28:08] bringing food you know it was just it was just amazing yeah you know um my husband too was
[28:14] amazing in that time you know um i i want i want to believe that i was reading a book one of the
[28:21] things that my therapist said was because i first was asking i was like am i okay for why did you
[28:28] ask because i was in a lot of pain yes obviously i was in a lot of pain but i had a type of strength
[28:36] that i didn't understand although i was weak anybody that's that is going through grief
[28:42] can't understand what i'm saying i do yes like i agree i understand the weakness but also the
[28:48] strength yes so that dichotomy so i i was like i was ex you know i asked her like do you think
[28:56] i'm okay and we walked through that and then one of the things that she said she was like usually
[29:00] when you go through this sort of trauma because you know my brother was killed my brother you
[29:04] know not that it was not that it is any um easier if somebody was sick you know grief is grief
[29:11] losing somebody is losing somebody yeah there's no degree right but this grief came with trauma
[29:17] also because he was sodding right he was here today he was gone tomorrow and so she said one
[29:23] of the first things that happen to you the type of the type of support that you get it's it will
[29:30] determine how that trauma sits so for me i believe that they just grabbed it they just grabbed me
[29:38] and they kind of like helped steady me i like what you say about they just grabbed you so normally
[29:45] in grief if there's no support you just keep falling deeper into that hole you just keep going
[29:51] Nobody to stop you, nobody to hold you.
[29:53] So you're still grieving, but there is this sinkhole that you didn't get into.
[29:59] I didn't.
[30:00] So, and you know, one of my best friends as well has lost her dad.
[30:05] So she came to Canada and she was doing all the things,
[30:09] because she had done therapy, she had lost her dad three years before me.
[30:12] So she already kind of had a framework that worked for her.
[30:17] She's like, well, I'm not going to work for a woman, let's try it.
[30:20] so we're doing grief massage we're to float in water what is grief but ah there is there's
[30:26] massage for grief real life real life then we did this thing where we went to float in i don't even
[30:33] know what she called this but it was like a bubble it was like it was like a bubble like in canada
[30:37] yes it was like a tank and it's filled with salt water and you get into it and you actually just
[30:43] float and then they play you some um some sounds and then there's like they ask you do you want the
[30:49] moon lights you want twinkles like what do you want and apparently all of that is actually
[30:53] supposed to help relieve stress because grief comes with immense stress and fear so and anxiety
[31:03] yes so all that stuff that she was doing with me and she was there with me inside we were inside
[31:09] the water together we were doing the massage together everything we're doing together she's
[31:13] looking at me oh yeah it's loose i'm looking even if it's two spoons it's because when i first lost
[31:19] my brother i couldn't eat for one week i couldn't eat for a whole week i lost a lot of weight i was
[31:25] looking like a pack of bones um it was because you know when he they took his body because his body
[31:32] was now evidence right they didn't let us see him immediately and i feel like that was that was
[31:37] tragic for us as well also because we didn't know what had happened right we just heard that this is
[31:42] what happened he was shot blah blah blah i was afraid to see his body but one of my friends
[31:51] called me and she said make sure you go it would help you so you know the moment i saw him the
[31:57] moment i looked at him i became hungry it was almost as if there was so much noise and the
[32:03] moment i saw him it was just like yeah my brain process he was really gone at the time he couldn't
[32:10] eat he was a loss i was like it was a loss that you could not hold on yes i didn't understand
[32:16] what was happening what was going on you know he was the assassinator was he you know was it yeah
[32:22] they're coming for everybody you know was it bad business we didn't know we didn't have you know
[32:26] um still those questions were there but i really wanted to see him i wanted to see my brother i
[32:31] I wanted to see his face.
[32:32] I wanted to hold his hand.
[32:34] And I got to do that.
[32:35] You know, so that's when I got hungry.
[32:39] And then I started to then process what had happened.
[32:43] Before that, I was not processing anything.
[32:45] It was just his.
[32:46] I just used to hear this sound.
[32:47] It was floating.
[32:48] Yeah.
[32:50] In my head.
[32:51] The experience with your friend has brought me to tears.
[32:55] I'm just trying not to blink too much so it doesn't fall off.
[32:58] Because to have that in that moment, I don't think you understand how heavy that is.
[33:05] And not in a bad way that somebody would stay consistently and say, I'm going to do.
[33:10] She could let you go into the tank and stand outside.
[33:13] But this was a physical, emotional support that did not let go.
[33:20] You're blessed.
[33:21] Thank you.
[33:22] And you're still friends, I hope.
[33:23] Oh, yes.
[33:24] Yes.
[33:24] Till our dying day, we say it.
[33:27] Till the wheels fall off and we add new ones and we continue in eternity.
[33:30] In fact, we always have this running joke.
[33:32] We say we'll have our houses side by side in heaven.
[33:35] Yes, yes, yes.
[33:36] And we're friends for life.
[33:37] Well done.
[33:38] I'm so sorry to interrupt what you're watching.
[33:40] But many of you have not subscribed.
[33:42] I know you want to subscribe, but you sometimes forget or you're enjoying it too much.
[33:45] You move on right after.
[33:47] So take a few seconds.
[33:49] Click the subscribe button.
[33:52] Let's continue watching.
[33:53] What about your grief stage now?
[33:57] Because, I mean, it was so close.
[33:58] Dad, brother.
[33:59] Yes, very close.
[34:01] Very, very close.
[34:02] I don't think grief is anything that you get over.
[34:05] Yes.
[34:06] I don't think so.
[34:07] Yes.
[34:07] I think you learn to live with it.
[34:12] So, the book I read, I can't remember which particular book I read.
[34:16] I read a lot of books on grief.
[34:18] And somebody, you know, described it very apt.
[34:21] she said grief is like a balloon or a ball in a box when it first happens it's very like it
[34:32] contains the entire box and it's full and you can feel it in many different all the areas of your
[34:38] life when it happens but at times as time goes on it starts to shrink in size still there but
[34:45] then moving around which is why sometimes today you're good yep and then tomorrow it hits some
[34:50] something, boom.
[34:51] And then he hits another.
[34:54] And then for a while,
[34:55] you're okay.
[34:56] So I'll say,
[34:58] that's where,
[34:58] I think that's where I am.
[35:00] I recently just went
[35:02] to my brother's house
[35:04] for the first time
[35:05] since he passed away.
[35:08] And my oldest brother
[35:10] did something.
[35:10] He said,
[35:10] let's not move anything
[35:12] for now.
[35:12] Let's leave it as it is.
[35:14] And you know,
[35:14] I walked into that room
[35:15] and that room looked like
[35:16] so 2023.
[35:18] Nothing had changed.
[35:19] You know,
[35:20] you were walking into like a i felt like i walked into 2023 again because obviously you will have
[35:28] changed many different things you know and then he still had his calendar august he hadn't it's
[35:34] still august 2023. so what i did is i sat on his bed i sat on his bed i wanted to confront that
[35:42] fear because i felt i needed to to move on in this stage of grief so i sat on his bed i looked around
[35:55] i opened his drawer so funny he had gone for a run the day before he had dropped his water bottle
[36:02] he drank halfway that bottle is still there it's half of the water i picked it up i
[36:08] I looked at it, I opened it, I smelled it, I put it back.
[36:11] I took a picture of some of his, his, his note on his notepad.
[36:15] I don't want to forget his handwriting.
[36:17] So I took, you know, I said, this is, this is precious to me now.
[36:23] I opened his, he loved watches.
[36:25] So I opened his watch drawer.
[36:26] So he's different.
[36:27] He liked designer clothes just like me.
[36:29] We were like twins.
[36:31] I opened it.
[36:32] I saw his different watches, everything.
[36:34] it back and i i just told myself i'm doing better but actually you know
[36:47] i was at peace i was at peace that fear needed to be conquered yeah and i did it yeah and i took
[36:57] some of his clothes yes i wanted to have something so i took i took two two sweatshirts because i
[37:02] i usually wear his sweatshirts i took two and um and then i just i just left this year this year
[37:12] let's see a couple weeks ago actually wow like three weeks ago wow yes yes and then we did a
[37:17] run for him so he had a trail he's a fit guy sometimes that's how you want your belly to be
[37:25] For somebody who runs.
[37:26] You know, so then he will now start being serious again.
[37:29] He said, no, Bumi, leave me.
[37:30] Free me, Jor.
[37:31] You know.
[37:33] So he has this trail that he used to run, you know, every morning.
[37:36] So my oldest brother was like, how about we run the trail in his memory?
[37:41] So we decided to do that.
[37:42] And that was amazing.
[37:43] We just, you know, we ran the trail.
[37:45] It took us about an hour, 10 minutes.
[37:47] And we just talked about him at different, you know, different points.
[37:51] remembered him, remembered all the things that made him him, you know, laughed at him, you know,
[37:58] and that was it.
[37:59] Was the mom there?
[38:00] No, no, it was just the siblings.
[38:02] Do you think she could
[38:02] have taken it?
[38:03] No, no, no.
[38:05] I think that would be too hard for her to do.
[38:06] Yeah.
[38:07] Yeah.
[38:07] Because,
[38:08] I mean, losing a child.
[38:10] It's too much.
[38:11] It's not natural.
[38:13] No, it's not natural.
[38:14] Definitely not
[38:14] not draw.
[38:16] Okay, seeing all of this and how you come out elegant, you know, poised, still, you know,
[38:25] talking about God and preaching the word, you've still not told me how faith has helped
[38:33] in all of this.
[38:36] God was my ultimate anchor, ultimate anchor.
[38:40] I don't know how people who
[38:42] don't have Christ deal with crisis but when I think about how God held me in
[38:48] that time I like to say God is the ultimate girl dad yeah and he was with
[38:56] me in that cave he was with me in that cave from the moment it happened I
[39:04] remember the first thing he said to me I am with you he didn't talk a lot to me
[39:09] that time but he sent people to you he didn't talk a lot to me he said he said a few things here and
[39:16] there that held me because i don't even know that i've been able to process a lot of things
[39:21] yes so the first thing he said to me i am with you and i held on to that and i saw i saw him in many
[39:30] different ways in my house now home many supernatural things happened that's the truth
[39:36] many supernatural things happened in that time and god was our sure anchor where i don't even know i
[39:44] don't even know how to say it you know when you're going through the valley of the shadow of death we
[39:48] weren't i we were walking through the valley of the shadow of death because it was just one thing
[39:53] after another another and i remember when they came to tell us that my dad you know had passed
[40:04] I can never forget how I felt.
[40:10] Immediately I didn't cry.
[40:12] My body just reacted.
[40:14] I was vibrating.
[40:16] You know, they had to bring blankets and cover me.
[40:18] My brother had to hold me, you know, because
[40:20] then now we now have to tell our mom that you just buried your son yesterday.
[40:25] Your husband has died
[40:26] today but you know God showed himself to me in so many ways in dreams with people
[40:39] yeah and then his presence his presence was so tangible it was thick it was then
[40:46] that I knew I've always known that I had a walk with God but it was then proved
[40:52] day that i knew yeah that what we have is authentic and it's not just yes a fluke yeah it showed
[41:03] practically god was with me in the fire he was with me in my boots remember they said he was the
[41:09] fourth man in the fire he was in that fire with him yeah yeah you know um and he really he he he
[41:17] really gave me you know something about perspective an eternal perspective and i think
[41:23] that's one of the things that that god did for me in that time he gave me eternal perspective
[41:29] and he allowed me to see things differently he brought my my understanding higher than than
[41:35] than it was to see things from his point of view and when i did i believe that's what brought peace
[41:43] to me and although i had pain yes i was at peace so when people are like how you why are you
[41:51] functioning how are you okay but i'm in pain my physical body is in pain but i was being carried
[41:59] that's how it that's how it was i was being carried i was being carried as much as you are
[42:06] such a faith woman i remember when this was going to turn against you on the internet do you remember
[42:14] when you know there was a group prayer group i can't remember yes sometimes i didn't even know
[42:20] anything about you it was a prayer group and tell me what was that so let me tell you let me tell
[42:28] you how it came to me i was for for people who don't know i run um a campus outreach that we do
[42:35] every month called the feast yes we're going to talk about that yeah but that was the morning of
[42:40] it and and it was it was so critical because i knew that it was an agenda right so i had seen
[42:46] this thing you know going on on social media about some person who was missing and whatnot and they
[42:52] started talking about how the you know the people cut their head and they either any cult and what
[42:56] not my makeup artist was doing my face and i remember even telling her about it that there
[43:00] are ways for you to be able to determine you know when you know a group is not right a doctrine
[43:05] and whatnot that was it too i went to dress came down and she said please madonna should i show you
[43:12] something i said what she said they've dragged you into this thing i was about to leave for a battle
[43:20] we were having one of our biggest outreaches ever so i was like this and someone just wrote i knew
[43:27] she was part of them they went to bring a picture of me from 2020 when there was covered and i cut
[43:32] my hair i caught my hair in kovid and they said that they knew that i was a part of it because
[43:40] my hair was short that was the only thing that they said made them know that i was part of this
[43:47] group am i there am i and that was just the beginning they didn't turn it into a smell
[43:54] campaign but i saw it for what it was because i just saw it as persecution it now turned into
[44:01] they dragged my business then they dragged me to say who even so elon left all these things and
[44:09] we even gave her the audacity to be going around and and preaching yeah who is she is she a pastor
[44:16] where did she become somebody said listen to anybody on this planet just a bloody somebody
[44:21] wrote just a bloody beauty influencer and i said you know people started calling me with me how
[44:28] are you doing are you okay and i was i i switched off my phone because i'm like i'm going to win
[44:33] souls in in badu i can't be distracted by the nonsense that's happening on instagram yeah so
[44:39] i switched off my phone and we had an amazing outreach so many people came to christ i was
[44:43] like yes i'm going to annoy the devil today many people will be saved and they were so i was on my
[44:48] way back i put on my phone and so many messages people were calling me for me you have to put out
[44:52] statement i said i don't answer dogs i don't there's not every dog that backs that you answer
[44:59] i don't i said i focus on what is important yes i said at the end of the day i'm not part of the
[45:06] group i don't know anybody in the group yeah they can't say that i ever did anything that has to do
[45:12] so there's what am i answering there's nothing to answer so i focused on my focus and at the end of
[45:17] of the day the person if i even tell you that do you know i received death threats what why is it
[45:27] so easy to just be dishing their threats up and down in this internet like i said the person
[45:36] i received death threats so they will kill me and kill my children
[45:40] why that's i'm telling you nonsense and i told people about writing nonsense i answered them
[45:47] those ones i answered them and they start begging please they didn't say you're sorry they didn't
[45:52] know i said i said i'm ready to spend money on this matter i'm ready to spend money because this
[45:58] you want to kill me and my children i don't want you you'll be taken away from your own children
[46:03] you will sleep in prison because i don't understand from which way she was carried away
[46:09] she was carried away it was so funny i received an anonymous message from someone who then said
[46:17] who's been started begging i said please forgive me if i see you i will i will beg you i will this
[46:23] i would that then she wrote it was a because this was such a terrible way to know you
[46:30] and i thought to myself what does god done to this one now that she came to
[46:34] confess who knows whether she was the one who started the entire who started the entire thing
[46:39] that's crazy that's crazy i just decided that that was all noise yeah and i was going to focus
[46:45] you know for the longest time people have been looking for what to drag me for they're always
[46:48] before when somebody feels like they are too good to be true yeah we said deeds yes there was there
[46:53] is something yeah it's actually not the first time but i never answer people i never answer
[47:00] when people i think it's best i never answer because the power of social media is so great
[47:06] you could use it for good you could use it for bad also you could allow it to do good or allow
[47:10] you to do bad yes so choose to one focus on exactly i'm just happy about your outreach and
[47:16] how you've been pushing just today we're talking about you just coming from you know an outreach
[47:23] how did that start how far has it come where are we going with that you know i won't if if i say
[47:29] that it was something that i planned it's not true i just received the call and i'm an obedient
[47:35] daughter when god tells me to do something i go and so it was january of 2025 and the holy spirit
[47:44] just said to me it's time for you to go you have told me previously in 2024 he told you i will let
[47:49] you know when it's time so get ready and immediately i started putting things in place our first outfit
[47:56] was unilag we had over a thousand young women and it was beautiful it was a valentine's
[48:02] programs.
[48:03] So what do you do?
[48:04] Do you pray with them, preach, you know, have a conversation?
[48:07] So it's just, we have a good time.
[48:11] Let me say it like that.
[48:12] We have a good time.
[48:14] And
[48:14] what does that mean?
[48:15] It means that we bring a lot of fun to them.
[48:17] So games, we give them
[48:19] a lot of gifts, we give them money, you know, things like wigs, like the girls, you know,
[48:26] donate wigs people different brands actually um become sponsors so they give they give stuff
[48:34] clothing brands shoes money hair food a lot and then we have amazing partners that give us money
[48:42] every time so we are giving they're giving out them gifts and then obviously we have a word and
[48:47] i introduce them to jesus i introduce them to jesus so first of all you introduce them to
[48:53] their needs what they know what they like yes they are relaxed they are relaxed and then and then
[49:00] you know you want to reach the gen z generation you have to reach them differently
[49:06] you have to read them differently and i believe that's one of the reasons why god sent me
[49:10] because i have a specific word for them what's the word it's it's different from it's not religion
[49:17] is the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.
[49:20] And when they hear it,
[49:22] and they believe,
[49:23] and they hear,
[49:24] you know, they're at that age
[49:24] where they're asking themselves existential questions.
[49:27] Why was I created?
[49:28] Why am I here?
[49:29] These are questions that all of us ask ourselves
[49:31] at a particular age.
[49:33] And so what I'm doing is helping them make sense
[49:36] of the questions that they're asking themselves.
[49:38] And it's how I made sense of it at that age.
[49:41] And I believe that that gave me the edge that I had.
[49:44] So all I'm doing is introducing them to the Jesus of the scriptures,
[49:50] not the thing that you hear that God is after you,
[49:52] God is going to kill you if you sin, God is going to, you know.
[49:55] It's actually telling you about the goodness of God,
[49:57] the goodness that he sent his son because he loved you.
[50:01] He's not standing somewhere with a big,
[50:02] with a kid to flog you every time you do something bad.
[50:05] Yeah.
[50:06] Right.
[50:07] And so for them, it's almost so refreshing that also a young person,
[50:13] you know because we dress you know very you know whatever young person is coming you know after one
[50:17] of the outreaches one of the girls came to meet me and she said mrs george thank you so much for
[50:23] coming to our school without any strings attached and that meant so much to me i shed a tear because
[50:30] most people most churches most ministries they have an agenda you didn't have any church you
[50:36] invited them to you have anything to sell nothing to sign up for so they are
[50:41] always waiting for the shoe to drop so when I was going to another school
[50:44] dressing that's why is what is all the words what does she wants what is she
[50:48] been giving us food cause we give them food drinks ice cream cocktails it's a
[50:52] lot so even then they're like this is amazing yeah and I may tell them the
[50:56] bill is on Jesus yes yes and so they're just always so blown away and I always
[51:02] tell them you're gonna taste and see that he's good you know you're gonna
[51:05] you're going to meet god today and they do do you see it in their eyes when they have this aha
[51:09] moment oh yes yes oh yes oh yes because you know sometimes we also are praying for them four weeks
[51:16] before we actually land on their campus so there's a lot of work that's already been done spiritually
[51:22] also praying for their minds praying for them to receive what god is going to give when they come
[51:26] so it's almost like when they finally come into the room and you know most people they feel like
[51:33] god is so hard to reach especially as a young person yeah you feel like god is so hard you feel
[51:37] like you have to do so much to reach god however when they come into the room god reaches them
[51:43] and they're just like oh is this it yeah and they're and they're blown away by it and you
[51:48] know it's in turn they're on fire for god so it's always so amazing to see um them at the end of
[51:55] and they're so excited they send me messages thank you for coming i'm so happy on some of them they
[52:00] tell me some of the things that they are going through and i you know i take my time to reply
[52:05] all of them because i mean i feel i counted an honor yeah for them to open up their lives to me
[52:10] yes you know and i think that's another thing that i think trips them so somebody actually genuinely
[52:15] cares yes like you don't want anything else you know somebody actually is actually listening to me
[52:21] and somebody you know i feel somebody feels like i matter because they do matter yeah you know they
[52:26] They do matter.
[52:27] They do.
[52:28] Where is this going?
[52:29] Where do you see it going?
[52:30] What's the...
[52:31] You only keep going to secondary schools, universities.
[52:35] But where?
[52:36] What's the picture?
[52:37] To be fair, if I say I know where it's going, I'm lying.
[52:40] I don't know where it's going.
[52:41] I'm just being obedient to take one step
[52:44] and put one in front of the other.
[52:46] But the way I see it right now is
[52:48] I'm hoping to go to as many universities across Nigeria
[52:52] and then move into West Africa and move into Africa.
[52:55] Yes.
[52:55] We're also doing some secondary schools as well
[52:58] because we find that some of them are calling us to come.
[53:02] Usually I'm only going to federal universities.
[53:03] Now the private ones are calling to say, come to us, come to us.
[53:07] So we've been doing that as well.
[53:08] We've been going to the private ones.
[53:10] And to be fair, I'm just waiting to see where God takes it.
[53:13] I'm just being obedient.
[53:14] I have no agenda.
[53:15] The only agenda is to make him known and for people to see him
[53:19] and actually meet the Jesus of love, of compassion.
[53:24] not of condemnation.
[53:26] Yes.
[53:27] You know.
[53:27] Yeah, I love that.
[53:28] We'll be here
[53:30] when it gets bigger and bigger.
[53:31] Amen.
[53:31] And then we'll see.
[53:33] Remember when I was asking
[53:33] where it's going?
[53:34] Yeah.
[53:35] And you know,
[53:35] in the last year,
[53:40] we've reached
[53:42] about 20,000 students.
[53:44] Amazing.
[53:44] That's a lot of people.
[53:45] I don't think you post
[53:46] these things enough.
[53:47] No, we don't actually.
[53:48] No, I don't think we do.
[53:49] You know, I feel like
[53:50] the stuff that happens
[53:51] at the outreaches,
[53:53] because it's so personal
[53:54] with the kids as well.
[53:56] I don't want to just post
[53:57] a lot of the things.
[53:57] Yeah, but there are some things
[53:58] that are also general.
[53:59] So maybe we should try
[54:00] and find a way to edit it
[54:01] in a way that you don't
[54:03] let people see
[54:03] their personal stories,
[54:05] but also people need to see
[54:06] the reach.
[54:07] To see the reach.
[54:08] To see the reach.
[54:09] I mean, one of our biggest
[54:10] outreaches,
[54:11] we had over 6,000 students.
[54:14] Do you know they broke
[54:15] the door to enter?
[54:16] They actually broke
[54:18] the door to enter.
[54:20] Because word spreads fast.
[54:22] And they were like,
[54:23] Whatever that woman is saying, I want to hear it.
[54:27] I was shocked.
[54:27] I saw that when they came in like an ambush.
[54:29] I was even scared.
[54:30] I said, what is going on?
[54:32] They came in.
[54:33] Does your husband know that he has a momijiwe in the making?
[54:36] Is he ready?
[54:36] Is he ready?
[54:37] He has known.
[54:38] You know, this is not new.
[54:39] No, I'm not saying it's new, but is he ready?
[54:40] Because this thing is getting bigger.
[54:42] Yes, he knew from the first time he met me.
[54:44] I told him, see, I have a big call of God upon my life.
[54:47] I've been preaching since I was 19 years old.
[54:50] and so it's one of the things
[54:51] it's one of the things
[54:52] that
[54:54] people don't really know
[54:55] about me
[54:56] because I don't front face
[54:57] with that
[54:57] I don't front face
[54:58] with the title
[54:59] right
[55:00] I just do the work
[55:01] I'm not looking for applause
[55:02] I'm not looking for
[55:03] somebody to call me
[55:04] this and this and that
[55:05] that's really amazing
[55:06] so
[55:07] I have been doing
[55:08] I've been doing
[55:08] altruism for many years
[55:10] you know people
[55:11] you know when that nonsense
[55:12] broke out on Instagram
[55:13] some people from my
[55:14] NYC room
[55:15] said ah you don't know
[55:15] this girl
[55:16] in NYC camp
[55:17] we set NYC camp on fire
[55:19] Our room, we used to have revival meetings on Fridays.
[55:22] In the three-week orientation camp, people would come into our room
[55:25] and the power of God would be so thick.
[55:29] People would fall under the anointing.
[55:30] We would do deliverance.
[55:32] I was 24 then, 24 years old.
[55:36] So it's many years ago.
[55:37] So it's not today.
[55:39] It's been happening for a long time.
[55:41] It's just that now, I had not been permitted before now
[55:45] to actually share some of the things I was doing online by instruction.
[55:48] But now I believe that I've come to that place where God has permitted me to begin to show some of the things that I've been doing.
[55:55] Not enough.
[55:56] You know, you know, you're still holding back.
[55:57] We're getting there.
[55:58] We're getting there.
[55:59] Show it.
[56:00] Show walking.
[56:01] You know, you know, so we get comfortable with just doing what God has called you to do.
[56:04] I agree.
[56:04] It's actually just, you know, showing it on social media.
[56:07] But now I actually do see that it actually also helps other people as well.
[56:10] It does help.
[56:10] And when I'm saying show, I'm not even talking about let them see what you're doing.
[56:13] No, let them see what God is doing and the reach that that is.
[56:16] so when we're talking about how to go to this union let them know okay i'm coming here and then
[56:22] you know you reach more so at the end of the day is still for the purpose that god has called you
[56:26] to reach so please post more if you want it i can introduce you to good editors they will help you
[56:32] to do it no problem no problem we put it out there well done thank you so much i'm just so excited
[56:37] for where you're coming from where you're going thank you and i'm just going to sit down here
[56:41] and i'm going to watch it and it will be amazing thank you thank you do you like my skin do you
[56:46] Do you like my skin?
[56:48] I'm sure you do.
[56:49] My skin is powered by Dang Lifestyle,
[56:52] a skincare brand specifically tailored for people like you.
[56:57] Go to danglifestyle.co to get yours.
[56:58] Use the discount code on the screen to get 10% off.
[57:02] Now, let's read our story.
[57:03] Okay.
[57:03] We take the pledge.
[57:05] I.
[57:05] I.
[57:06] Ife Dayo.
[57:07] Bumi.
[57:08] Promise.
[57:08] Promise.
[57:09] To be kind.
[57:10] To be kind.
[57:10] To be honest.
[57:11] To be honest.
[57:12] And to not ask Ife who wrote in the story.
[57:13] And not to ask Ife who wrote in the story.
[57:16] Thank you very much.
[57:18] Let's get into it.
[57:19] Dear Ife, I need some big sister advice, so I thought to reach out.
[57:25] I'm at a crossroads in my relationship, and I could really use the advice, so here it goes.
[57:30] I've been with my current partner for about two years now.
[57:32] Like every relationship, we have our good and bad days,
[57:36] but when we work through the bad times, we usually come out stronger.
[57:40] I'm an open book, literally.
[57:42] I have no secrets when it comes to my man, and he knows it.
[57:45] He is literally my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.
[57:48] He, on the other hand, is someone I have caught hiding things.
[57:53] These are not things that affect me or our relationship,
[57:57] but just things generally about his family mostly.
[57:59] Now, we're planning our wedding and currently in counseling
[58:03] and something came up.
[58:04] I found some recordings on his phone that he says are conversations he has with his father.
[58:09] Okay, play it.
[58:10] Let's hear.
[58:10] He goes, you are infringing on my privacy.
[58:14] I personally believe there should never be any conversation
[58:16] that should be off-limits between couples.
[58:19] He says everyone should be entitled to their privacy
[58:21] as long as they're not keeping secrets.
[58:23] My own stance is, if you've decided to marry me,
[58:26] I am your family.
[58:28] An extended party should not trust you
[58:30] with information you cannot divulge to me as your spouse.
[58:34] When things happen in my family,
[58:36] even though we're just engaged,
[58:37] my siblings always prompt me to keep him in the loop as well
[58:40] as per new family member.
[58:42] When his family calls and I'm around, he'll go outside to pick up and comes back and says nothing.
[58:48] This really makes me feel like he doesn't feel like he can entrust me with details.
[58:54] And I fear that when we get married, things will not change.
[58:58] I'll be an outsider to his family.
[59:00] We have been on phone calls with his family sometimes and they will go,
[59:03] we'll call you later so we can talk about the family.
[59:06] And they would go, oh, it's nothing, it's nothing about you.
[59:08] Don't worry.
[59:09] My family would never do that.
[59:11] And he knows it as we are generally not secretive people,
[59:13] especially amongst ourselves.
[59:15] There is so much more to the story that I don't want to get into.
[59:18] But for context, he's a breadwinner of six siblings and his parents,
[59:23] he is the fourth child.
[59:24] So I know some of these conversations can be about money.
[59:27] Am I right for feeling this way?
[59:29] Is this enough reason to cut off an engagement with just two months to the wedding?
[59:33] Are my expectations wrong?
[59:35] And that's not how marriage is supposed to be.
[59:37] what are the bounds of privacy in a relationship?
[59:40] At what point does it become secrecy?
[59:43] This one is multi-layered.
[59:44] Multi-layered, yes.
[59:46] Multi-layered.
[59:47] Before she started talking about him going outside to pick phone calls,
[59:52] I was still like, okay, maybe, you know, everyone is raised differently.
[59:56] Some people are more secretive than others.
[59:58] Not everybody is an open book.
[59:59] Not everybody wants to share everything that's happened with their family.
[1:00:02] However, there's a lot here.
[1:00:06] and they probably do think
[1:00:08] that if she knows
[1:00:09] the things that are going on
[1:00:10] in terms of what he's paying for,
[1:00:12] she will not respect them.
[1:00:14] Number two,
[1:00:15] she may not allow him
[1:00:16] to do what he's doing.
[1:00:18] So first of all,
[1:00:19] you're already an outsider
[1:00:20] and I don't think
[1:00:21] that anything is going to change.
[1:00:23] And that's the thing
[1:00:23] that women need to understand.
[1:00:28] That the way he is,
[1:00:30] is the way he's going to be.
[1:00:32] Or worse.
[1:00:33] Yes.
[1:00:34] Because you can actually
[1:00:35] pretend for two years yes right you see a little bit of it for me if you were me or if you were my
[1:00:42] sister they're giving me this you know telling me this story i would i would i would take a step
[1:00:48] back i'll take a step back because number one are you also comfortable with the man that you're
[1:00:55] getting married to being the breadwinner of his family i understand these are dynamics that you
[1:01:00] met before yeah but it is my prerogative to agree whether i actually want us to be part of what
[1:01:09] my future looks like is that a red flag for me it's a red flag it's a red flag it also means that
[1:01:15] he's not going to be up front with his finances well yes because he has other people to share
[1:01:20] it with and he doesn't want you to know he's already taking phone calls when we're now to
[1:01:25] answer phone calls then the parents call and he's saying uh i will talk to you when we talk about
[1:01:32] our family thing when you're not there so they're already bridging a there's already a gap you're
[1:01:37] already on the outside i don't think you're going to come on the inside right so if you were if you
[1:01:42] were me or if you were my sister or my cousin i'll tell i have a rethink yeah have a rethink because
[1:01:49] marriage thrives on trust because it thrives on trust and also thrives on respect and i don't
[1:01:55] think you respect me enough to feel like you can bring me into that part of your life marriage is
[1:02:01] about you know nakedness not only physically emotionally financially spiritually yeah
[1:02:08] you should be able to see your partner everything about them i'm not saying disclose everything
[1:02:13] about yourself open your mouth and be you know have mouth diarrhea and everything that's happening
[1:02:17] in your family you're sharing i was going to ask you that there are some things that you actually
[1:02:20] just keep to yourself yeah your partner may not need to know about right not destroying the
[1:02:25] the relationship.
[1:02:26] It's just not for them to know.
[1:02:27] It's just not for them to know.
[1:02:28] There are some things
[1:02:28] that you actually don't need
[1:02:29] to tell some people
[1:02:30] that you're to be spouse.
[1:02:33] Not because you're hiding it.
[1:02:35] Well, sometimes
[1:02:36] it's also protection.
[1:02:37] Yes.
[1:02:37] Some information
[1:02:38] may be too much for you.
[1:02:39] Yes, to handle.
[1:02:40] Right?
[1:02:41] But they are setting things
[1:02:42] like this answering phone calls,
[1:02:44] you know,
[1:02:45] keeping certain things
[1:02:46] a secret
[1:02:47] is definitely going to come up
[1:02:49] later on.
[1:02:50] And you know,
[1:02:50] finances are a big issue
[1:02:52] in marriage.
[1:02:53] And if they say
[1:02:54] it's one of the biggest
[1:02:55] reasons why people actually you know go separate ways right and he's already taking care of
[1:03:00] everything and then there's this one that's going to come and it's going to be as if you say oh we
[1:03:05] want to travel they're looking at it with one eye now maybe she wants to go to let's give a
[1:03:10] hypothetical you know she wants to go and give birth abroad and then the mother does not think
[1:03:16] the mother does not think that it's necessary because the sister needs to go to one private
[1:03:21] university in ghana that's almost the same amount of money maybe half the money why are you stressing
[1:03:25] yourself you know so that dynamic there i will say i'll say it's a red flag step back what's the line
[1:03:34] between secrecy and privacy in a wedding or is there privacy in the marriage there's no privacy
[1:03:40] i don't think there's any privacy now let me tell you me now
[1:03:44] stories let me tell you me dank stories i don't share in my house i don't because these are people
[1:03:50] who have entrusted me with their stories my husband will know i cannot show you hell water
[1:03:56] fire i will not show you you may see me maybe crying about a story you may see me you know
[1:04:03] helping and calling the office can you send money to these people can you do but you will not know
[1:04:08] who sent in that story because that's very important those are people's issues you know
[1:04:12] so for me there should be that balance oh yes and i would like to bring it even in in the aspect of
[1:04:17] friendships so also telling your spouse things that your friends have said to you or being
[1:04:23] through or what yeah right um some of times those is not a good thing because i'm i'm trusting you
[1:04:31] with my heart and i guess you're going to your husband and then your husband will not be looking
[1:04:35] at me funny yeah because there's something you want to spoil my wife there are some things and
[1:04:42] the husbands not like they have anything against the friend they're just protecting the wife
[1:04:47] And so they now start making it... Or they think they are protecting the wife.
[1:04:50] Because sometimes many women, they've lost friends because of their spouses.
[1:04:53] Because they share certain things that they shouldn't have shared.
[1:04:56] Where this person is innocent too.
[1:04:58] But the way you relate it, it seems like you're the villain.
[1:05:01] Would you stop being a friend to someone because your husband said so?
[1:05:07] Ah, that's a hard question.
[1:05:12] I don't know.
[1:05:14] It's tough.
[1:05:16] is tough.
[1:05:16] But I know many men
[1:05:17] have caused women
[1:05:19] valuable friendships.
[1:05:20] But I want to find out
[1:05:22] why,
[1:05:22] what is it about
[1:05:23] this friend that you,
[1:05:24] because actually,
[1:05:25] somebody actually
[1:05:25] shared this story with me.
[1:05:28] And
[1:05:29] the whole thing
[1:05:30] was that the husband
[1:05:30] was jealous of the
[1:05:31] friendship.
[1:05:33] That was it.
[1:05:35] So I would like to know
[1:05:36] why my husband
[1:05:38] doesn't like this person.
[1:05:39] Why he thinks
[1:05:40] we shouldn't be friends anymore.
[1:05:41] If he's,
[1:05:42] because there are some times
[1:05:43] that we are friends
[1:05:43] with some people
[1:05:44] that we can't see we've been there for such a long time we don't see we don't see the certain things
[1:05:48] that they say or the eye that they're using to look at you or the way they are behaving or you
[1:05:52] know the comments those things away we are so used to the comments that they make you know um
[1:05:58] actually i've actually been in this situation before so actually just remember somebody i've
[1:06:03] known for a very long time you know my husband then told me that this particular person does
[1:06:09] does not greet me when she comes to our house.
[1:06:12] OK, but that's a problem.
[1:06:14] So she will see him and she will walk past him.
[1:06:17] Or we are at, you know, maybe a public function or something.
[1:06:20] She can even tap him that, please help me call, you know,
[1:06:24] so-and-so, call Gumi.
[1:06:27] And there's certain things that she had also
[1:06:29] said in his presence.
[1:06:31] And then he asked me, well, don't you actually
[1:06:34] know that that's wrong?
[1:06:36] There's something wrong with this conversation that you
[1:06:39] to a having and i actually did know that there was something wrong i've always said that there's
[1:06:43] an issue with this babe well because we've been in each other's life for such a long time i've
[1:06:48] excused a lot of things well but for me when you start to come and start saying things about my
[1:06:55] children and about my spouse or you don't even respect them because why won't you greet my
[1:07:00] husband you mean you know you can't greet why just hello what's the issue oh maybe she's shy
[1:07:08] oh he was like boobie and i was like you know what i actually took it i took a step back from that
[1:07:13] friendship i did i did i'm not fighting or anything like that did you tell her no no because i knew
[1:07:21] that she was not going to take it well well you know your friend and she was not going to change
[1:07:27] she's one of those people that they should not start telling everybody that can you imagine what
[1:07:31] miss husband said he said that this this this person has issues i'm so sorry but you already
[1:07:35] know that this is so she doesn't take corrections no no no and she's very prideful okay so i knew
[1:07:41] that yeah there's no there's there's really nothing here there's sometimes that some people
[1:07:44] you can have a conversation with them but this particular person who's the conversation is going
[1:07:49] away yeah so you already knew so there's no points you have a bond with this person you're really
[1:07:53] close you don't see anything wrong it's not like this person that you say you already know that
[1:07:57] they have issues but you do you see this person as they are but they are amazing to you and your
[1:08:01] husband says something that he has seen but you've not seen it's going to be hard it's going to be
[1:08:07] very hard we may not be as close because knowing my husband my husband doesn't know how to hide
[1:08:14] these feelings so she's going to know that yeah we are not cool right and she's probably going
[1:08:20] to be feeling it yeah and maybe she will take a step back yeah you know but it's going to be hard
[1:08:26] it may affect our relationship we may not be as close but i don't know that i will stop talking
[1:08:29] to the person because he said so sometimes you have to be in this that situation to really know
[1:08:39] but i feel like my husband too he has to like what is the issue you have to they have to be
[1:08:43] compromised you have to explain to me you cannot just tell me that i cannot be friends with this
[1:08:47] person i you know my lord and savior you have to probably like me at the mind of my own yes you
[1:08:53] know i'm sure he knows that's about you i'm not talking about you as a person i'm just saying like
[1:08:56] kind of wife that you marry you should know that this person has a mind of their own but you know
[1:09:00] and then people do that though yes and then people that walk away from friendship because
[1:09:05] their partner said so yeah they didn't even look back i will walk away from a friendship
[1:09:08] with disrespect to my husband oh yes i don't don't talk to me don't explain to me don't see small
[1:09:13] disrespect i had one i said i just person to your friend i'm like it can never happen to me never
[1:09:17] don't don't explain to me you don't have to do it you're not asking what happened within this
[1:09:22] person nothing i don't even need to explain to you but because i don't know what the
[1:09:26] respect you give to me you give more even because this is what it is at this time so you cannot
[1:09:33] come and do so yeah that one i actually i absolutely agree with you so in this case
[1:09:38] there is the line between privacy and secrecy in it yes there should be yes yes there should be
[1:09:43] there should be there's certain things that you know people confide in you your friends confide
[1:09:48] in you your close friends confide in you that you don't share sometimes you want some things that
[1:09:52] your siblings might even tell you yeah and that's protecting also protecting everybody please yes
[1:09:58] you protect him yeah and you protect your your your your siblings as well yeah sometimes there's
[1:10:04] some information that you should not hear because you're protecting him from certain things and you
[1:10:08] know true very true i just know that there's wisdom yeah and emotional intelligence in all
[1:10:14] of this there is there has to be you have to have or stepping out of the house to make a call send
[1:10:19] it on the phone i'll call you later talk about that family thing no no no no no i think it's
[1:10:25] a lot i can't i i can't i can't to mark that i can't and i will not allow my sister to mark that
[1:10:30] yeah okay that is my own opinion too because i don't know how to you know live with that it's
[1:10:39] it's too uncomfortable for me and i think that the other used to deal with in life and in marriage
[1:10:44] because it's not perfect you're not at the one of secrecy and privacy say i own my own privacy
[1:10:49] they said let us listen to the voice you said no it's my privacy it's my this i think of course
[1:10:54] you may not be hiding anything because we don't want to say what we don't even see but there may
[1:11:00] be such big issue in that situation like you said hiding money you know i won't be scared are you
[1:11:05] talking about me are you talking about my family i talk about my daddy what are you saying what are
[1:11:10] you saying what are you saying your family group that i can't i'm not privy to i always say that
[1:11:15] because you know she's they're engaged yeah i'm married i'm like ah are you people talking about
[1:11:20] that i can't yeah you know and it's too much it's too much it's too much thank you so much
[1:11:24] j-booms for coming we've had a fantastic time as you know they're giving me eye in the corner
[1:11:29] you would i just want to i want to keep chatting but thank you we appreciate you thank you for
[1:11:33] having me for coming here and everything good we hope that you come back because there's more to
[1:11:38] talk about too i hope you're aware where is our gift i get a gift of course you get it i get a
[1:11:43] gift you get a gift you get everybody the people are dang asked us to give you this hey
[1:11:55] dang lifestyle yes oh i love the bow oh wow intense yes
[1:12:06] you definitely like this thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
[1:12:10] Thank you, Dan community members for watching.
[1:12:12] Let me know what you think in the comments.
[1:12:14] Over to you.
[1:12:20] Do you know I'm a perfume girlie?
[1:12:22] I'm a perfume girlie.
[1:12:25] Made in Italy.
[1:12:27] Come on now.
[1:12:28] This packaging is amazing.
[1:12:29] Yes, this thing was kept for a long time.
[1:12:32] Wow.
[1:12:33] So you know how strong it is.
[1:12:35] Yay.
[1:12:37] Thank you so much.
[1:12:38] You actually made it to the end of this video.
[1:12:41] Don't forget to subscribe, like, comment, and share this amazing episode.

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