# Ify’s Kitchen on Infertility and Cooking Through the Struggles | Dear Ife Series Podcast

An episode of [Diary of A Naija Girl](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1888131074), 18 Jul 2025, 54 min.

Audio: https://episode.flightcast.com/mwwo4azd5gsxcqsd95q1gxje.mp3

You know her as the Queen of culinary finesse and a social media star - but how well do you really know Ify of Ify’s Kitchen? In this heartfelt Dear Ife Series Podcast she opens up like never before —sharing her journey into the world of food, balancing a thriving culinary career with her legal profession, and her deeply personal struggles with infertility. Alongside Ife, she also dives into what it truly means to be a 'good wife' in today’s world. This episode is honest, inspiring, and unmissable. We’d love to hear your thoughts too. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe. Chapters 00:00 Coming Up 00:58 Dear Ife Intro 01:09 Ify's Intro 02:21 How Ify started cooking, social media fame journey and fertility struggles 39:41 DANG Lifestyle 40:10 The Pledge 40:41 The Story 42:49 Opinions 52:02 Gift Giving & Conclusion Want more visual podcasts from DANG? SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/@diaryofanaijagirl #DANG #DiaryofaNaijaGirl #DANGWithIfe About Diary of a Naija Girl Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) is an online community, founded and managed by Ifedayo Agoro, to inspire women across the world through creative storytelling. Back in 2015, it started as an online diary, sharing the everyday adventures of an anonymous Nigerian woman. Fast forward nine years, and it has become a tribe of incredible women, living their best lives one story at a time. DANG is a safe space for women to be unapologetically themselves, a family that laughs, learns and lifts each other, from Lagos to every corner of the world. About Ifedayo Agoro An entrepreneur, creative writer, content creator, content marketer and media strategist, Ifedayo Agoro is the founder of Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) and DANG Lifestyle, a premium home and body care production company, which she launched in Nigeria in 2020. Ifedayo is passionate about social responsibility and philanthropy. She sponsors several young residents at Little Saints Orphanage and partners with Lots Charity Foundation, a non-governmental aid organisation. Connect with DANG Online: Like DANG on FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/3xLjCkU Follow DANG on TWITTER: https://bit.ly/4aBgy9I Follow DANG on INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/4ay4Axu Follow DANG on LINKEDIN: https://bit.ly/3JhGpHM

## Transcript

[0:00] Ah, the last time we spoke, you said you sent me food, it's on my charts, I have it.
[0:05] Can't deny.
[0:06] I stopped celebrating my anniversary on social media because I felt like people would be counting.
[0:12] This is because at the time, if he was going through infertility, and he's not actually,
[0:17] he would deliberately actually want it.
[0:19] Apparently, Chantolegos Island, my office was a stone through.
[0:22] I would go to work, meet after me, and I would go there, I would cry.
[0:27] And sometimes, I wouldn't do those of self.
[0:29] You know, we call, how just then, walk back to my office, carry on as usual.
[0:33] I stopped buying an ovulation kit.
[0:36] Sometimes, I say, God, if you want this type of thing, fine, if not, I'm looking.
[0:39] I'm looking.
[0:40] You're not looking.
[0:41] I'm not looking.
[0:42] I'm not looking.
[0:43] I'm not looking.
[0:44] You know what?
[0:45] I'm not praying again.
[0:46] No one ever asked me.
[0:47] Just kept wondering, what were they thinking about?
[0:50] How were they looking at me?
[0:52] I'd prefer for people to ask me, what was going on with you?
[0:59] Hi everybody, welcome to another sweet and delicious episode of the air affairs series
[1:14] where you bring in your stories.
[1:16] We dissect them with kind and wise people who, you know, also have their own stories to
[1:21] tell as well.
[1:22] So that you know that no matter what you're going through, you are not alone.
[1:27] Today, we have with us the delectable, what a sweet, sweet, sweet girl.
[1:35] The queen of cocaine with vibes, a mother, a content creator, the queen of unfiltered
[1:43] and spicy.
[1:44] It's just spicy.
[1:45] It's just spicy.
[1:46] We are here with us, iffy, of iffy's kitchen.
[1:50] Welcome.
[1:51] Welcome.
[1:52] I thought introducing another mother.
[1:53] Last time we spoke, you sent me food.
[1:54] It's on my chats.
[1:55] I have it.
[1:56] I remember she said, I said, you all those food that used to cook, you know what I'm saying?
[2:07] Don't worry.
[2:08] I have it with each other.
[2:09] I can't deny you.
[2:10] I can't deny you.
[2:11] I have it with each other.
[2:12] Don't worry.
[2:13] I'll send it to you today.
[2:14] I'm not sending anything.
[2:15] I said go and do.
[2:16] Go and do.
[2:17] Go and do.
[2:18] All right.
[2:19] No problem.
[2:20] I'm always so jealous to be honest.
[2:21] What do people love to cook like this?
[2:23] How?
[2:24] Like how is it that some people just enjoy?
[2:26] I can't know.
[2:27] You don't eat me.
[2:28] It's good.
[2:29] And I'll be thinking maybe I should try my best.
[2:30] But it's an instinct, I believe.
[2:32] You have to love it.
[2:33] It's an instinct.
[2:34] You can't tell stories for ages.
[2:36] I never do justice.
[2:37] It's so easy.
[2:38] It's easy.
[2:39] No, I mean my dear.
[2:40] No, I mean my dear.
[2:41] When did you know that was in you?
[2:43] Cooking was.
[2:44] I didn't know.
[2:45] I really didn't know it was in me.
[2:48] I was just cooking from when I was very young.
[2:50] How young?
[2:51] From like 90s actually.
[2:53] Wow.
[2:54] I was too cook.
[2:55] And I enjoyed it.
[2:56] I really liked it.
[2:57] And then it was secondary school, I think, in JS3, home economics.
[3:00] Which I will ask those to cook.
[3:03] Jullar fries.
[3:04] You know, a group of girls and well finished cooking.
[3:06] I sent this to the principal.
[3:08] And then next to it said, who made this particular dish?
[3:10] And I said, it was me.
[3:12] The principal wants to see you said, okay.
[3:14] And then I went and she was like, what did you put in this food?
[3:18] What did you put?
[3:19] That this was clearly the best.
[3:21] And I was like, yeah.
[3:22] Tell me.
[3:23] Okay.
[3:24] All right.
[3:25] I love to get rid of you.
[3:26] You know, I was from there.
[3:27] You know, okay.
[3:28] Maybe I have my fingers.
[3:29] Just maybe.
[3:30] Yeah.
[3:31] And then from there, grain up everyone wants to.
[3:33] It's your food.
[3:34] Yeah.
[3:35] You got it.
[3:36] And then how did you decide that?
[3:38] Social media was a place to go to blow up, you know,
[3:41] this talent and this passion?
[3:43] I didn't know.
[3:44] Everyone was on Instagram except me.
[3:46] And then someone, I'm telling you, somebody was it not 2015?
[3:50] Someone said, you need to sign into Instagram since 2015.
[3:54] Oh, yeah.
[3:55] And I said, Instagram, what do they do today?
[3:57] You know, told us slick ways, pictures.
[3:59] I know they cover everywhere.
[4:01] How am I going to prove?
[4:03] I said, well, just at least see other people.
[4:05] I said, okay, I will.
[4:07] Then she signed me.
[4:08] She took my form.
[4:09] Who is this?
[4:10] I am Tim.
[4:11] Tell your mother.
[4:12] Yeah.
[4:13] A colleague at the time.
[4:14] And then she opened an Instagram account.
[4:16] I said, okay.
[4:17] I don't have pictures.
[4:18] I don't have anything boring, lawyer.
[4:19] Ninety-five.
[4:20] I know.
[4:21] And then, you know, I set put in food pictures.
[4:23] When I saw people, I put in food pictures.
[4:25] I said, okay.
[4:26] I like this one.
[4:27] Let me put food pictures.
[4:28] And then from there, and I listened to my audience a lot.
[4:31] People said, you know, liking food pictures.
[4:33] And then somebody said, all these pictures, you're putting.
[4:35] She said, you're not sure how to cook.
[4:37] And I said, hmmm.
[4:39] I can do that.
[4:40] And my friends always ask me, what should I make for dinner?
[4:42] Should I make for lunch?
[4:43] So people in the world, somewhere.
[4:46] I'm also having that issue.
[4:49] And they don't have access to me.
[4:51] So you know, why don't I just start putting this thing?
[4:53] And somebody said, they want to know how to cook.
[4:55] So, yeah.
[4:56] Took my phone.
[4:57] Yeah.
[4:58] And the number of comments and views, I said, okay.
[5:02] At the time, there was no one in Nigeria doing videos on Instagram.
[5:08] So I didn't even have someone to say, okay, let me copy.
[5:10] Let me copy.
[5:11] To let me copy.
[5:12] Let me do that.
[5:13] So I was just, you know, winging it.
[5:15] And then you have to follow.
[5:17] You know when I had my first 5000 followers.
[5:19] You were like, oh my enemy.
[5:21] And then we are today.
[5:24] And we are today over a million followers.
[5:27] So please defer.
[5:28] That's two million on Instagram.
[5:30] Close to a million on YouTube.
[5:31] Oh, yeah.
[5:32] Close to a million on Facebook.
[5:34] Oh, yeah.
[5:35] It's us.
[5:36] If you don't copy, I hit that.
[5:38] I'll say we hate it so much.
[5:39] I don't copy.
[5:40] What's that?
[5:41] I love it.
[5:42] Well, thank you.
[5:43] And who would have thought in all of your vibe?
[5:47] And showing us how to cook and do all those things.
[5:50] You were going through some things.
[5:53] My sister.
[5:54] And the story found out that too.
[5:56] Today we tell each other.
[5:57] Yes.
[5:58] We're here for you.
[5:59] We're here for you.
[6:00] You were going through.
[6:01] Yeah.
[6:02] Yeah.
[6:03] I was.
[6:04] I was.
[6:05] And when I think back now, sometimes I'm like, was I doing that to drown?
[6:12] You know that if there are people for me to get busy and not think about it, was it?
[6:18] What was it exactly?
[6:19] I don't know.
[6:20] But whatever it was, it worked.
[6:22] To an extent.
[6:23] To an extent.
[6:24] How much?
[6:25] Because after.
[6:26] Yeah.
[6:27] To an extent, but behind the scene as well.
[6:30] I'm posting like this sometimes.
[6:31] I'm crying.
[6:32] Oh.
[6:33] You know, so.
[6:34] Yeah.
[6:35] It was.
[6:36] It was.
[6:37] It was.
[6:38] Oh, jeez, man.
[6:39] It was a lot.
[6:40] It was.
[6:42] I have miss it.
[6:44] No, I don't have any miss.
[6:46] No, I don't.
[6:47] Funny.
[6:48] You know, so I had nephews.
[6:50] I used to put them on social media.
[6:52] My nephews.
[6:53] And I said, well, actually stopped.
[6:55] Because I know they're feeling like people would be watching.
[6:59] Like, what's going on here?
[7:01] I stopped at the Breiteman University on social media.
[7:04] Because they'll come for you.
[7:05] Because I felt like people would be counting.
[7:07] Yeah.
[7:08] You know, so I just stopped all those things.
[7:10] I just put food.
[7:11] But I said, let me just put only food.
[7:13] You don't need to know what's going on in my life.
[7:16] Guys, this is because at the time, if he was going through infertility at the time.
[7:21] And it's not like she didn't want to deliver.
[7:23] She actually wanted to.
[7:24] Oh, yeah.
[7:25] Oh, yeah.
[7:26] You know, people didn't know this.
[7:27] I'd be in the hospital when the going series of invasive procedures and all of that.
[7:33] And I'll still post on social media.
[7:36] Engage.
[7:37] Because I just felt like, and that's something about me.
[7:39] I feel like more people don't care.
[7:41] They don't care.
[7:43] They just want to resolve.
[7:44] Yeah.
[7:45] And keep your private life private.
[7:47] Private.
[7:48] Private behind your closed doors.
[7:49] Do what you have to do.
[7:50] But you must show up, you know.
[7:52] So I'll go to hospitals from here.
[7:54] This one.
[7:55] But still come back.
[7:56] Create my content post.
[7:58] Go to work.
[7:59] Come back.
[8:00] Cry.
[8:01] Do.
[8:02] Pray.
[8:03] I mean, it was just.
[8:04] It was a lot for no one here.
[8:05] Because I would always come out.
[8:06] Yeah.
[8:07] Clear.
[8:08] Looking pretty.
[8:09] Smile.
[8:10] Do what I have to.
[8:11] As soon as the camera is turned off.
[8:12] Goes back to the situation.
[8:13] Yeah.
[8:14] That's the end of the day.
[8:15] That's why I said to what extended food.
[8:17] Drown.
[8:18] That probe.
[8:19] That's.
[8:20] Pain.
[8:21] Or that frustration.
[8:22] Because for goodness' sake.
[8:24] We try.
[8:25] And you are going to be thinking it's work.
[8:27] Yeah.
[8:28] And then another thing that kept me focused on.
[8:31] I knew that this time of my life would pass.
[8:34] I would have a child.
[8:35] I knew that one.
[8:37] So I didn't want a situation where because of my current situation.
[8:41] I.
[8:42] Because I don't want to do anything.
[8:43] Yes.
[8:44] Like that's the only thing I'm.
[8:45] I'm.
[8:46] And again, thank you for saying that.
[8:47] Very important.
[8:48] Yeah.
[8:49] That women.
[8:50] I don't have a child.
[8:51] They were drowning in that.
[8:52] They don't want to work.
[8:53] They don't want to go out.
[8:54] They don't want to make friends.
[8:55] Like this is the only thing I want now.
[8:56] And if I don't get to now, my life cannot move forward.
[8:58] Yeah.
[8:59] So I was very conscious of the fact that, you know what?
[9:01] My life is not going to stop.
[9:02] Yeah.
[9:03] I'm going through something.
[9:04] It will come to an end.
[9:05] When in the meantime, I must make progress.
[9:07] Yeah.
[9:08] I must move.
[9:09] That's how I just kept going.
[9:11] And I said, I don't want to.
[9:12] You know, maybe this is the thing.
[9:13] Yeah.
[9:14] Yeah.
[9:15] Yeah.
[9:16] Yeah.
[9:17] So just, you know, psyching myself or doing everything I need
[9:20] there to do, still working, doing everything.
[9:23] If I go to people, I wasn't wearing it on my face.
[9:27] I would like to.
[9:28] To the extent that a colleague of mine actually called me.
[9:32] I said, what's the problem?
[9:33] I said, how?
[9:34] I know that you know how the child.
[9:37] And this is almost like 6, 7 years.
[9:39] Is it how you don't want a child?
[9:41] Because I don't always happy.
[9:42] I said, hey, how?
[9:43] Why?
[9:44] It's because you don't show it.
[9:45] Why should I be like, come on.
[9:47] Clare, too.
[9:48] How should I go?
[9:49] Why should I go?
[9:50] How do you want me to show it?
[9:52] Do you want, will you feel better?
[9:54] See me cry or sad?
[9:56] Well, that really shows you.
[9:57] So I'm saying, what am I saying this?
[9:59] I just went about my way out my life.
[10:02] I did not show it in front of people behind closed doors.
[10:05] Yes.
[10:06] Or outside.
[10:07] And something that kept me going was a strong belief that one day.
[10:11] It will happen.
[10:12] It will happen.
[10:13] But when?
[10:14] That was it.
[10:15] I know.
[10:16] Yeah.
[10:17] And I just said that at what point did your one day become tiring to keep saying to yourself,
[10:19] like, when is this one day going to happen?
[10:21] That was the, that was the frustrating part.
[10:23] Yes.
[10:24] I remember I would leave work.
[10:26] My office was in Lagos Island.
[10:28] And the Cardly Church, such a good assumption.
[10:31] Oh, my God.
[10:32] I forgot something.
[10:33] But the Cardly Church in Lagos Island, my office was a stone through.
[10:35] I would go to work, meet afternoon.
[10:37] I would just go there.
[10:38] I would cry.
[10:39] Wipe my tears.
[10:40] Go back in and pray.
[10:41] Go back in and pray.
[10:42] Oh, crying.
[10:43] I'm praying.
[10:44] I was right there.
[10:45] I'm Cardly.
[10:46] So I would just go to the Blessed Sacrament.
[10:47] I would stay there.
[10:48] My break.
[10:49] Yeah.
[10:50] Don't sit down.
[10:51] Sometimes I wouldn't do those of self.
[10:52] Now we call, how does that walk back to my office?
[10:55] Carry on as usual.
[10:56] So this was almost like an everyday thing.
[10:58] And that really gave me a lot of comfort.
[11:00] Because I just felt like God must assign me.
[11:03] You're doing it one day.
[11:04] You're seeing me every day.
[11:05] So.
[11:06] So did you have any clothes called to having a baby before it finally happened?
[11:11] One time.
[11:12] Yeah.
[11:13] So I had gone for an IV cycle that did not work.
[11:18] And the doctor told me, oh, in a few days, you should see a period.
[11:21] It's everything.
[11:22] I said, okay.
[11:23] And then a month after.
[11:25] Nothing.
[11:26] Nothing.
[11:27] And then I said, my tongue became really bitter.
[11:30] I didn't know what it was.
[11:32] And then my, I just knew I was feeling ill.
[11:35] I didn't took my Lariat drugs.
[11:37] I didn't go to the hospital.
[11:39] I.
[11:40] Self.
[11:41] Maybe K-10.
[11:42] I just felt like my Lariat seemed to talk to you.
[11:45] I took drugs.
[11:46] I was just doing anyhow.
[11:47] So after a while, when I didn't see my period, I went back to the hospital.
[11:50] But I was nothing prepared.
[11:52] Because after how many years.
[11:54] And I'd give him up.
[11:56] I only thought it was going to happen through IZM.
[11:59] So I never, if I come to a point where I stopped buying an ovulation kit.
[12:06] Stop checking.
[12:08] I stopped checking.
[12:09] I felt like, well, God, if you sometimes say, God, if you want this to happen.
[12:13] Fine.
[12:14] If not, absolutely.
[12:15] No, no, no.
[12:16] No, no, no, no.
[12:17] Why not?
[12:18] You know what?
[12:19] I'm not praying again.
[12:20] Whatever you want.
[12:21] Do it.
[12:22] So it was just up and down.
[12:25] So that was the last period after I took my Lariat drug.
[12:28] I didn't know how I wanted to.
[12:30] I went to the hospital.
[12:31] And then my favorite test.
[12:33] Because I was like, what is it again?
[12:35] My period was always regular.
[12:36] But now this is like two months.
[12:38] Nothing.
[12:39] Period.
[12:40] What is it?
[12:41] What is it again?
[12:42] I went to the hospital and then the guy looked at me.
[12:45] I said, OK.
[12:46] I mean, you're pregnant.
[12:48] And then I looked at him.
[12:50] I didn't believe him.
[12:51] I said, you're joking.
[12:52] He said, no.
[12:53] He's never saying this.
[12:55] Because he didn't give me drugs to induce my period.
[13:00] I'm taking drugs to induce my period.
[13:02] I'm taking my Lariat drug.
[13:04] I'm taking so many things.
[13:05] I think I'm taking an injection.
[13:07] Wow.
[13:08] Yeah.
[13:09] Before, after two months, he decided to check.
[13:11] And I was pregnant.
[13:12] When I went home, I told my husband, oh, this guy was so happy and awful.
[13:16] After I went well, I went for it.
[13:19] When I went to hospital again, and then they said something was wrong.
[13:23] I knew I had to go for a test.
[13:25] Oh.
[13:26] But the details had stopped.
[13:28] Yeah.
[13:29] Great.
[13:30] And I said, what happened?
[13:31] And Dr. said, no.
[13:32] I mean, from the history, everything that happened before.
[13:34] Before.
[13:35] It was not all those emotions.
[13:36] Yeah.
[13:37] It was kind of a chance.
[13:38] And so that was the closest.
[13:39] Oh.
[13:40] I came to, and he was, was God-wrenching to know that I actually got pregnant.
[13:45] On your own.
[13:46] And this happened, you know?
[13:48] And did they have to do any, or it was just injection and all that?
[13:52] Oh, my God.
[13:53] I had them this day.
[13:54] An evacuation.
[13:55] Oh.
[13:56] A few full contractions.
[13:57] I thought I was going to die.
[13:59] Oh.
[14:00] Yeah.
[14:01] Oh.
[14:02] I'm so sorry about that.
[14:03] And then you had support, of course.
[14:05] Oh.
[14:06] My husband.
[14:07] Very, very strong.
[14:08] Support.
[14:09] Very, very strong.
[14:10] My family members.
[14:11] Everyone.
[14:12] If I, none of my husband's family, you know what people say?
[14:17] Oh, husband's family do this.
[14:18] I can't relate.
[14:19] No one ever asks me any question.
[14:22] How far?
[14:23] In fact, it became uncomfortable.
[14:24] Yeah.
[14:25] Why you not say anything?
[14:26] Ask me.
[14:27] People would love me.
[14:28] People would like me.
[14:29] Or comfort me.
[14:30] Well, no.
[14:31] And then I'll go to him.
[14:32] I said, no, nobody's asking me.
[14:33] But I know that everyone is looking at me.
[14:35] I mean, listen.
[14:36] We're married.
[14:37] Eight years.
[14:38] I'm not saying, somebody has to be wondering.
[14:42] Is that all?
[14:43] Yeah.
[14:44] Yeah.
[14:45] I told everybody.
[14:46] Don't bring it to her.
[14:47] Don't go there.
[14:48] Oh, I love that.
[14:49] Even if you have any hospital recommendation, tell me.
[14:51] Tell me.
[14:52] Yeah.
[14:53] Don't bring anything close to her.
[14:55] So, no one, I never had any family issues.
[14:58] I mean, nothing.
[14:59] Yeah.
[15:00] So that was at least one good, one less.
[15:02] One less stress.
[15:03] I had to worry about it.
[15:04] I had to take it out of her.
[15:05] And seeing kids, seeing your nephews.
[15:09] Mm-hmm.
[15:10] Did you ever have any feeling?
[15:12] No.
[15:13] Do you have any more hope or stress you out?
[15:15] Sometimes I did.
[15:17] Like, especially family gatherings.
[15:19] There was one I went for.
[15:20] I was a child dedication.
[15:22] The younger wives and the family, you know, everybody.
[15:25] Yeah.
[15:26] My daughter, me.
[15:27] You know, I'll never forget.
[15:28] I actually went into the room.
[15:30] And then I cried.
[15:31] I cried.
[15:32] I stayed there.
[15:33] And it wasn't like anybody made me feel bad.
[15:36] It was just me.
[15:37] Because I think I was punishing myself.
[15:39] Because I just kept wondering what way they think came.
[15:43] How were they looking at me?
[15:45] So you were projecting.
[15:46] Yeah, I was projecting.
[15:47] And that was always the case, you know.
[15:50] I actually prepared for you to talk to me.
[15:53] Yeah.
[15:54] Down for me.
[15:59] Ooh, sorry.
[16:00] It's okay.
[16:02] I don't know why.
[16:03] I mean, I have to wait.
[16:04] I know.
[16:05] I know.
[16:06] The pain is still the pain.
[16:08] And it happened.
[16:12] Yeah.
[16:13] Yeah.
[16:14] Right.
[16:15] So I, I, I prefer for people to ask me.
[16:18] Yeah.
[16:19] What was going on with you?
[16:21] Mm-hmm.
[16:22] Mm-hmm.
[16:23] Yeah.
[16:24] Yeah.
[16:25] Me too.
[16:26] Yeah.
[16:27] Yeah.
[16:29] Yeah.
[16:31] So I think I prefer for people to talk to me.
[16:33] Because the torture of me, one dream.
[16:36] Yeah.
[16:37] What are you thinking?
[16:38] What are you thinking?
[16:39] That was me, you know.
[16:41] Yeah.
[16:42] Always one dream.
[16:43] Mm-hmm.
[16:44] What are you thinking?
[16:46] How many years have they counted for me?
[16:48] Yeah.
[16:49] Yeah.
[16:50] Yeah.
[16:51] So most of the times it was, it was me.
[16:53] Yeah.
[16:54] And because of society again, because you know, after a year or two, everyone expects you.
[17:00] Even if you don't want to have the child self, it's like an expectation.
[17:04] Yeah.
[17:05] That you should have that.
[17:06] Yeah.
[17:07] And because the torture was, what was going on in my mind?
[17:11] Not necessarily.
[17:12] No one ever said any hateful thing to me.
[17:14] Yeah.
[17:15] No one made, ever made any snide remarks.
[17:17] No one ever.
[17:18] Oh, bring my baby, yeah.
[17:19] We don't know.
[17:20] No, no, no, no.
[17:21] Okay.
[17:22] I never encountered any of those things.
[17:24] Yeah.
[17:25] Because what was going on in your head?
[17:27] Yeah.
[17:28] I mean, I could understand that.
[17:29] But do you sometimes feel like the way that the experienced people tell me that you kind of punish yourself?
[17:35] I mean, that's way beyond your control.
[17:38] Did I ever happen to you?
[17:40] Well, no, not really.
[17:41] Because I was confused.
[17:43] I really, really was.
[17:45] Because science says, man and woman, you meet the outcome of the child.
[17:50] So what is the problem?
[17:52] I'd never before, it happened to me, you know, delving to the science of biology or the relation timing.
[18:00] No.
[18:01] So I wasn't like, okay, maybe I also felt like, good, is there something wrong?
[18:06] I've done.
[18:07] Is there something?
[18:08] Oh, is there something I've done?
[18:09] Yeah.
[18:10] Because you go to the hospital and then they tell you, oh, it's going to happen.
[18:12] It's going to happen.
[18:13] So, and I wanted to, it would have been better.
[18:15] Mm-hmm.
[18:16] If you told me your fallopian tube was blocked or designed, I don't know what was working on something.
[18:20] Yeah.
[18:21] Well, you know, everybody, it will happen next week, next month.
[18:24] Like that.
[18:25] Don't worry.
[18:27] It was more of confusion on my part.
[18:31] Like, why is this happening to me?
[18:34] And the way that happens, I'll think about it.
[18:36] If no, you, who else?
[18:38] You know, I should know.
[18:39] No, it should be me.
[18:40] It should be me.
[18:41] It should be me.
[18:42] I'm not thinking about it that way.
[18:43] Yeah.
[18:44] What points did you say, oh, this seems like a problem.
[18:49] You know, you keep trying and trying.
[18:51] I mean, at this point, this is a problem here.
[18:54] My husband and I were like one year.
[18:56] Yeah.
[18:57] No baby.
[18:58] No baby.
[18:59] You know, I didn't know the professional.
[19:00] And I said, we had no issue with that.
[19:02] Doesn't it?
[19:03] We did it.
[19:04] No one wanted to do it.
[19:05] Yeah.
[19:06] It was after a year.
[19:07] And then we now, okay, it's baby time.
[19:10] You know.
[19:11] And I think it was after the second year.
[19:14] I said we do.
[19:16] Of course, going on here.
[19:18] And that was the beginning of the journey to the hospital.
[19:22] Before the knee hospital, my mom was a nurse.
[19:26] I'd never been admitted one day.
[19:29] One day in the hospital.
[19:31] I had no business in any hospital.
[19:33] Never had a surgery in my life.
[19:35] You know, clean.
[19:36] No.
[19:37] Not clean.
[19:38] And that's that began my journey.
[19:40] That's how I was.
[19:41] And that's how I was going to go to a big room.
[19:43] I hope this is not the devil.
[19:44] This moment I have.
[19:45] No, that's what I wanted.
[19:47] Now, they want to use this one to take care.
[19:50] Because I know understand a game.
[19:53] You know.
[19:54] So, I can't even buy the question.
[19:57] At what point did you think that this is okay.
[20:00] This is the problem now.
[20:01] Yeah.
[20:02] And you went through that series of IVF?
[20:04] No, at the time.
[20:05] No, because that was when we now started going to the hospital.
[20:08] Okay.
[20:09] That was going on.
[20:10] And they say, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[20:11] Dress chair or nothing.
[20:12] And the one would say, oh, it's fiber-eyed.
[20:14] You know, you need to take out the fiber.
[20:15] I would say, no, that hospital, no, no, no, no, no.
[20:17] The fiber-eyed is nothing.
[20:18] I read there's nothing, it's not in any position that could
[20:22] entire, I would turn another one, ah, I'm a strong believer
[20:28] of second, third opinion.
[20:30] So I would turn another one, no, no, no, there's nothing wrong.
[20:33] You're your case, it's easy.
[20:35] You're taking some, just follow my guide,
[20:37] breeder, and this was the study.
[20:38] So that was the trend.
[20:40] One hospital, second hospital, third hospital.
[20:43] You need to do a flush.
[20:45] If I know, say it was like that, until, I think it was like the 60
[20:52] year, and I said, OK, you know what, I'm done with one hospital
[20:56] to the other, because I'm spending money.
[21:00] Each hospital visit.
[21:02] At the point, I say, are they using me to go on such glad doctor?
[21:06] Come next to me.
[21:07] Next, take the shots, pay for this, pay for that.
[21:09] I can tell you the best possible.
[21:11] So people will take advantage of it.
[21:12] I didn't feel it that way.
[21:13] I said, is this guy using me or something?
[21:16] So at that point, I think at my 60, I said, you know what,
[21:20] I'm going straight for IVF now.
[21:22] I don't understand what's going on here.
[21:24] IVF seems like science.
[21:27] A plus B is a cost of soul, so I'm going with IVF.
[21:31] And that's another thing I feel like doctors should
[21:34] need to work out, manage your patients.
[21:37] I was there very hopeful, you know?
[21:40] And then, first cycle, second, third.
[21:44] Why didn't anybody tell me that it's not always the first one?
[21:48] Because, you know, like I said, science, bam, bam, bam.
[21:52] I agree with that.
[21:52] They don't tell you that this may not.
[21:54] Yeah.
[21:54] Because you assume, get the egg.
[21:57] Don't see it.
[21:58] Do you understand?
[21:58] In plants, it's a habit.
[22:00] Yeah.
[22:02] So there was no one to manage my expectations,
[22:04] just say, oh, look, it may not.
[22:06] Chances are good or it may not.
[22:08] And then, since I felt like I was in good candidate,
[22:11] nobody had actually told me this was a problem.
[22:13] This was it.
[22:14] So everything was looking good.
[22:16] So that was now another glow.
[22:20] That was like another disappointment phase.
[22:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[22:25] Because you said it to work, you said it to work.
[22:27] Yeah, absolutely right.
[22:28] And I think if you're a doctor, we need to be,
[22:30] also if you're good for IVF, you need to be, tell me.
[22:33] What are the chances?
[22:34] What are, because, you know, some people
[22:36] go with so much hope in their eyes and their hearts
[22:39] hoping that this is it, yes.
[22:42] This is it.
[22:42] I remember the first time I did a test,
[22:45] you know, I've had two weeks, a two week weight period.
[22:48] I went into the bathroom.
[22:49] I hope that was with me, you know, very eager.
[22:51] I did bathroom.
[22:52] I did a test, and I was like, you're too excited.
[22:54] All right.
[22:55] So this was what they, oh my God.
[22:57] Yeah.
[22:58] I think that was worse than all the years, you know.
[23:02] Because now, this is not you waiting.
[23:04] I mean, God is still IVF, but there's still man intervention
[23:08] and you've taken action.
[23:11] Yeah, you've taken action, basically, you know.
[23:13] So it was very, very disappointing.
[23:16] Then the first, the second, the third.
[23:18] Oh, so I was like, I'm done.
[23:22] Maybe it's not in the cards for me.
[23:24] I'm done.
[23:25] And then there was a, um, a partner in my office.
[23:28] I never forget Mrs. Ambo.
[23:29] I wasn't evil.
[23:30] No, that's what I mean.
[23:31] Yes, that was right, thank you.
[23:34] And then she called me, she wasn't even in my department
[23:36] or anything.
[23:37] She was just a partner.
[23:38] And then we had no business.
[23:41] Not that we had no business, but we're not in the same department.
[23:44] And then she calls me one day.
[23:45] If we, I want to see you come to the conference room,
[23:48] and I'm like, what did I do?
[23:50] What?
[23:51] Then go, sit down.
[23:52] So what are you doing for your situation and stuff?
[23:56] Just straights, no.
[23:57] I love it.
[23:58] No, I love it.
[23:59] I love it.
[24:00] Nothing, nothing, nothing, bam, bam.
[24:02] And I said, oh, I told her what I had done and everything.
[24:04] She said, okay, good.
[24:05] Now take this like a project.
[24:07] You cannot stop until you get what you want.
[24:12] You cannot stop.
[24:13] They don't give up.
[24:14] That was, I ran that.
[24:16] That was, that was the only thing on my mind.
[24:18] Yeah.
[24:19] I think it was after the second one.
[24:20] Like, try the third time.
[24:22] It didn't work.
[24:23] I was already saying, oh, you know, I'm done.
[24:25] But I just remembered Mrs. Ambo.
[24:26] You cannot stop.
[24:28] We're going to get.
[24:29] You cannot stop until you get what you want.
[24:31] Yes.
[24:31] I'm going to get what the process is.
[24:35] Oh, my goodness.
[24:36] Injecting yourself and all of those things painful.
[24:38] At what point did you work?
[24:40] At what point?
[24:41] At what point?
[24:42] Yes.
[24:43] Did you know that it was going to be twin?
[24:45] No.
[24:46] Oh, oh, yeah.
[24:47] So they, at the point of them implanting the embryo, they put in three.
[24:52] So I was even telling Dr. Police, please do two.
[24:55] Is that annoying?
[24:56] You don't ask me to?
[24:57] Yeah.
[24:58] Let's just make sure that.
[24:59] Yes.
[25:00] Three.
[25:01] Yeah.
[25:02] I said, we're chill.
[25:03] Like, she got to be.
[25:04] Yeah.
[25:05] What if I get the blitz?
[25:06] Yeah.
[25:07] So we said, after two weeks through the test, I checked at home, the most positive scene.
[25:14] Well, you see, you've got into it, please.
[25:17] You can't reach it.
[25:18] You can't reach it.
[25:19] Yes.
[25:20] Because I, what if something happened?
[25:22] Yeah.
[25:23] So I got there.
[25:24] I think usually the first three times I'll wake my husband.
[25:25] He'll come with me for the bathroom.
[25:27] But the fourth time I did not.
[25:29] Were you trying to protect him as well?
[25:31] Yes.
[25:32] And myself.
[25:33] And I don't know what I was doing.
[25:34] But I did not.
[25:35] So I just woke up.
[25:36] I cracked into the bathroom.
[25:37] I checked.
[25:38] That's it.
[25:39] What's going on here?
[25:41] It's a positive line.
[25:42] So I was just there.
[25:44] I was on a friend with my phone.
[25:45] On the phone with my friend.
[25:47] With my friend, meanwhile, I kind of forget.
[25:49] Because she was with me.
[25:51] She went with me to the last hospital.
[25:53] Yeah.
[25:54] So today I was going to check.
[25:55] At least I just need somebody to talk to.
[25:57] I don't know.
[25:58] So I was on a phone with her.
[26:00] I don't know what I was saying.
[26:02] So how's my luck coming to the bathroom?
[26:03] What's going on?
[26:04] This man knew when I got up from the bed.
[26:07] Yeah.
[26:08] He saw me go to the bathroom.
[26:10] But at that point, you really don't know.
[26:13] Yeah.
[26:14] I get that.
[26:15] It's a bad thing.
[26:16] I get that.
[26:17] But when I didn't come out and I was hearing voices,
[26:20] maybe he thought, you know, let me go.
[26:22] Yeah.
[26:23] Yeah.
[26:24] And I just showed him.
[26:25] Go, my God.
[26:26] I said, please, please, I beg of you.
[26:28] He drinks those nice, a bed.
[26:31] Don't rejoice.
[26:32] Yeah.
[26:33] I can imagine.
[26:34] I know a good thing.
[26:35] Yeah, a good thing.
[26:36] But I think I'm big.
[26:37] Just that we're going to the hospital.
[26:39] This means I know it's positive.
[26:41] I said, please.
[26:42] Just help me.
[26:43] Yeah.
[26:44] We got to the hospital.
[26:45] The doctor was asking me.
[26:46] So did you feel any tenderness?
[26:48] My house was not like, oh I checked.
[26:50] I just think too much.
[26:53] Don't, don't premeditate the doctor.
[26:55] Don't see.
[26:56] Don't test.
[26:57] I need to see.
[26:58] No, sir.
[26:59] Are you feeling any, sir?
[27:00] I'm not feeling any tenderness.
[27:01] Did you do any tests at home?
[27:03] I did not do anything.
[27:05] It's okay.
[27:06] Let's go do a blood test.
[27:07] Yeah.
[27:08] So blood did a test.
[27:10] Oh, it's way too intrepidation.
[27:12] And then the doctor came and said, my bad sleep shot.
[27:16] Oh, my God.
[27:18] What?
[27:19] Yes.
[27:20] What else than said you're still not out of the good.
[27:22] I know.
[27:23] You know, you just had to just scared.
[27:26] Ah, it was just from the times.
[27:28] It was being a pain for the first scan.
[27:32] Oh.
[27:34] The baby is doing well but one may not...
[27:39] It's okay.
[27:41] One is doing well.
[27:43] It's okay.
[27:45] Then I started actionable.
[27:47] I went to another hospital.
[27:49] until I used to work very far.
[27:50] I set it into my hospital closet to mine.
[27:53] The first time I went to a medical congregation,
[27:55] I was like, you have twins, I said, what did you say?
[27:58] Because I had exed my mind.
[27:59] Your mind, yeah.
[28:00] You have twins, really?
[28:02] So they're really pleasant.
[28:04] Surprise, you know?
[28:05] Oh, I'm so happy to hear your story
[28:15] because every single time,
[28:17] and it's crazy that you be put out cook.
[28:20] The end of the kitchen, I was here the last time.
[28:23] And she had almost the same story of waiting
[28:26] and going through IVF and just dressed out
[28:29] and just the whole process.
[28:30] And the same way I feel, I thought when I was on the side,
[28:33] it's the same way I feel right now.
[28:34] And I can imagine people who are genuinely waiting
[28:37] at this time, how do we feel?
[28:40] It's hard, it's tough now.
[28:42] It is, the waiting is what kills you.
[28:45] Not knowing.
[28:48] You don't know.
[28:49] You see, it's in God's hands at that.
[28:52] There's nothing you can't do.
[28:55] There's nothing.
[28:56] How did this experience change
[28:58] because your perspective about things and everything?
[29:03] I don't know.
[29:03] For me now, it's just, yeah, the way thing is,
[29:07] keep being positive to you.
[29:09] Don't ever let your life be at a standstill
[29:12] while you're in the waiting room,
[29:14] while you're in the waiting process.
[29:17] Because when that thing finally happens,
[29:20] you have wasted so much time and just have firm belief.
[29:24] So right now, I mean, when I see people waiting,
[29:27] I'm like, look, I've been there for,
[29:29] it will happen.
[29:30] It will happen.
[29:31] It will know that it will happen.
[29:33] You don't know when, but know that it will happen
[29:35] and leave your life like all is well.
[29:38] Yeah, yeah.
[29:39] I know a lot of women would have come to you for.
[29:42] Oh, yeah, oh, my goodness.
[29:43] My dear and still tomorrow, you know,
[29:46] they come to me, someone to know the hospital
[29:48] that I used, some just wants to tell me
[29:51] this is what they're going through.
[29:53] And so very many of them, when they get pregnant,
[29:56] they tell you.
[29:57] Oh, to me.
[29:58] Yeah.
[29:59] You know, and then when they give birth,
[30:01] they're still in my dear.
[30:02] I just gave birth, many, many, many people, many.
[30:05] That was just fulfilling.
[30:06] Oh, extremely, extremely.
[30:08] So it just makes me feel good,
[30:10] because I'm a very private person.
[30:11] Oh, my goodness.
[30:12] I don't want anything of mine out there,
[30:15] except what I want out there.
[30:16] So I wasn't ready to put my story out,
[30:18] but my husband was even the one that, like, talk about it.
[30:21] Yeah, go, go talk about it.
[30:22] Let everyone know you might just be helping somebody.
[30:25] You did help many.
[30:27] Oh, my goodness.
[30:28] Many, many people.
[30:29] How are the twins now?
[30:30] Oh, she's lost their wallet anyway.
[30:33] No, you're still there wallet.
[30:35] You got life, you got people who aren't there being here.
[30:37] Really?
[30:38] Did they have, are they forming, instead of beefing it?
[30:40] I know this one is like this.
[30:41] This one is like that.
[30:42] Yes, so.
[30:43] Boy, you see with them, it changes.
[30:46] You don't want that stand.
[30:46] You know, you hear twins, it changes.
[30:48] I thought, all of you, what's true?
[30:50] One person one day is very active or one week.
[30:53] The next week, so both of them, they have their...
[30:57] Well, they're doing very well.
[30:59] I'm very happy with them.
[31:00] I'm happy.
[31:01] Yeah, life is beautiful.
[31:02] And you know, life is definitely beautiful.
[31:04] So I was sometimes looking at your industries,
[31:07] cooking, industry.
[31:08] I don't know what to call this.
[31:09] Maybe the chef's on Instagram.
[31:12] I don't know what...
[31:14] I don't know what to call your industry, though.
[31:16] But it's because it's small.
[31:18] There are no many.
[31:19] I mean, I brought many, many books.
[31:21] You see?
[31:21] Say what?
[31:22] Hey, who?
[31:23] Who put an exploit here?
[31:24] Okay, tell me that maybe everybody likes ice cream.
[31:26] Maybe, maybe.
[31:27] Yeah.
[31:28] Everybody's putting pots on the gas.
[31:31] Everybody everywhere.
[31:33] Ah, I'm telling you.
[31:35] Because you know you can cook.
[31:37] Yeah.
[31:38] You see?
[31:39] That many million followers.
[31:40] Let me try to come cook.
[31:41] Yeah.
[31:42] Let me do pots.
[31:43] Yeah.
[31:44] One million.
[31:45] Yeah.
[31:46] Again, like I said, the people that I see are not many.
[31:48] And maybe because I only see the people who are already blown or doing well and all
[31:53] of them.
[31:54] Do you guys collaborate?
[31:55] Um.
[31:56] Yeah.
[31:57] I'm so happy.
[31:58] You liar.
[31:59] You liar.
[32:00] You liar.
[32:01] Why don't you?
[32:02] Um, I don't, I don't think there's any reason.
[32:11] Maybe we haven't just come around to it.
[32:13] But there was one time I collaborated with To see me and Gina, it's been on YouTube.
[32:17] So yeah.
[32:18] So I feel like the people who haven't collaborated, it's just a time, a period, no time or no chance
[32:26] or no availability, but I believe it will happen.
[32:31] I just want to ask more questions about this because I don't want you to go on a few
[32:35] points.
[32:36] I don't like it.
[32:37] I don't like it.
[32:38] I feel like if I go on, I'll just ask one entire push, right?
[32:42] It's like, I asked this because the way I've seen other content creators and I mean skit
[32:46] makers because you know, I can't really put people in boxes, right?
[32:49] But that's some fields I can put in boxes.
[32:52] Oh, skit makers.
[32:53] You see them?
[32:54] Yeah.
[32:55] You guys, I can't put, I can't put people in those kind of boxes.
[32:59] And then I was like, why don't we do it together?
[33:01] It's so much fun because you all are fun individually.
[33:04] You're actually fun to watch and you know.
[33:06] So imagine if I put all the people in your one kitchen, it's going to happen.
[33:12] The time will come.
[33:13] I move on.
[33:14] You build like my size.
[33:15] No, I still don't like it.
[33:17] But again, I just wish, honestly wish that we may collaborate more because it only does
[33:21] good.
[33:22] That's the only thing you can do.
[33:23] There's no take away.
[33:24] There's no minus.
[33:25] It doesn't take anything.
[33:26] It actually adds to you.
[33:29] And then because you can't go out to tell you no matter how big you are, you can't
[33:33] go out to tell you.
[33:34] Cooking content creators.
[33:35] A bank.
[33:36] We're here.
[33:37] We're open.
[33:38] Yeah.
[33:39] Do what you have to do.
[33:41] Until today, where has the, the merging of lawyer, chef, how has that merged?
[33:50] Or have you left one for the other?
[33:53] Ah, have I left one for the other?
[33:56] I don't.
[33:57] Well, in terms of practice, I have put law, practicing law on the background right now.
[34:05] And I'm letting the food storytelling aspect shine.
[34:09] Yeah.
[34:10] And that's because I practice for a well over a decade and I'm like, okay, so I've done
[34:14] that.
[34:15] Yeah.
[34:16] It's time to push this.
[34:17] Push my other passion and see where it will take me to.
[34:20] Yeah.
[34:21] So I'm very happy where I am.
[34:22] Very, very happy.
[34:23] Where has this passion taken me to?
[34:24] Ah, Mr. Stock.
[34:25] Hey.
[34:26] Tell us.
[34:27] You don't be shy.
[34:28] Please.
[34:29] Be bright.
[34:30] Tell us.
[34:31] This is all.
[34:32] Hmm.
[34:33] Hmm.
[34:34] YouTube, for instance, has changed my life.
[34:37] YouTube.
[34:38] YouTube has taken me to three African countries.
[34:40] I was part of the black African black voices, you know.
[34:45] Sometimes they're having stuff on YouTube and they invite me to speak and I'm like me.
[34:52] Love it.
[34:53] Because I used to watch people on YouTube and wish that I was in their shoes, wish I was
[35:01] them.
[35:02] And you had that influence?
[35:03] And you know, but one thing I then recognized was that if you don't start or you don't
[35:09] get into the game, you can never win.
[35:12] So I said one day I was going to start, open the YouTube channel and start.
[35:16] And why would people want to watch me?
[35:18] Yes.
[35:19] When they're on the screen.
[35:20] It was different.
[35:21] I'll never forget.
[35:22] Because I second-guessed myself like one million times.
[35:24] There are other people.
[35:25] I mean, this one, this one.
[35:26] They're all there.
[35:27] So why me?
[35:28] And then, so now speaking to said, you have a voice.
[35:31] They want to hear you.
[35:32] The way you make your own is different from the way that I said it.
[35:34] They're winning the same job.
[35:35] Right.
[35:36] That's going to be something we want to hear from you.
[35:39] You, you, you want to hear your own.
[35:41] I said, okay, if you're saying so, no.
[35:44] I'll do it.
[35:45] And that was how I started.
[35:47] Well done.
[35:48] I'm super impressed.
[35:49] Again, I tell you, it's your vibe for me, something else.
[35:52] And you know, I'm very big on saying, even though somebody's excited, they can't behind
[35:57] it.
[35:58] And I always see that in you.
[35:59] The calm behind your actions, your words, your, you're, you're doing all of this
[36:05] from your place of peace and rest.
[36:07] And that's very, very important.
[36:09] And I see that.
[36:10] I'm very excited.
[36:11] And I know that's bigger.
[36:12] I tell you why.
[36:13] Tell me.
[36:14] It's my husband.
[36:15] I'm, I'm not kidding.
[36:16] Also, it's not that I'm just talking.
[36:17] Yeah.
[36:18] My husband is my biggest cheerleader and fine.
[36:22] Ah.
[36:23] When I was going to resign from work, I was scared, really scared because all I had known
[36:29] was a 95, you know.
[36:30] All my family members.
[36:31] Yeah, career, career, career, career.
[36:33] And I've always walked from youth service, from law school to all of a sudden.
[36:39] And I'm daring to break the norm and become an entrepreneur.
[36:43] You know, it feels that you don't really know anything about content.
[36:47] What is that?
[36:48] What's the content creation?
[36:49] Yeah.
[36:50] Yeah.
[36:51] So he told me if you really want to do it, go ahead.
[36:54] I'm here.
[36:55] I'll back you out.
[36:56] Yeah.
[36:57] And that was very helpful.
[36:58] It gave me the go ahead to do what I wanted to do.
[37:01] Even now, you know, when I have to travel, say, go, I got this.
[37:04] I'm here with the kids.
[37:05] And my parents are here, my siblings.
[37:07] So it's a community.
[37:08] So what is amazing?
[37:10] So that's how I'm able to thrive.
[37:12] I'm able to.
[37:13] I really do.
[37:14] I'm doing it calmly from a place of rest.
[37:16] Yeah.
[37:17] I was going to say it.
[37:18] I really do feel calm.
[37:19] Of course, apart from the stress of content and all that, which is normal in every book behind,
[37:25] I'm okay.
[37:26] Yeah.
[37:27] I'm fine mentally, emotionally.
[37:30] Yeah.
[37:31] I'm good.
[37:32] I said, I must tell you.
[37:34] And I really appreciate that.
[37:35] So when we show you all the best, you keep going.
[37:38] And then, you know, I did another show on top.
[37:41] How?
[37:42] Unfiltered and extra spicy.
[37:44] On top of it.
[37:45] What part about that and how is that going?
[37:47] Right.
[37:48] So, you know, it comes in time when you feel like you need to do more.
[37:51] You don't know.
[37:52] I mean, here we are.
[37:53] What next?
[37:54] Yeah, what next?
[37:55] Exactly.
[37:56] So for many years, everything will just start like what next?
[37:59] I need to do more.
[38:00] There's this unrest.
[38:02] There's my spirits.
[38:03] I won't just rest.
[38:04] There's something.
[38:05] And everyone is telling me, oh, you're doing well.
[38:07] I know.
[38:08] I can't feel that.
[38:09] I can't feel that.
[38:10] I can't feel that.
[38:11] I'm not doing enough.
[38:12] Yeah.
[38:13] You for you to say I'm not doing enough.
[38:15] I don't know.
[38:16] Yeah.
[38:17] So there's more.
[38:18] I want more.
[38:19] And so it's out of that.
[38:21] This came about, you know.
[38:23] And, yeah, so that's it.
[38:25] And I want to do something for and for people to see me outside.
[38:29] I'm not just that cook or chef or food storyteller.
[38:34] There's more to you.
[38:35] To you.
[38:36] Yeah.
[38:37] So that's where that's the trajectory now to show you that there's more to if you other than just bad.
[38:42] Don't box me.
[38:43] I love it.
[38:44] I can cook.
[38:45] I can cook.
[38:46] Yeah.
[38:47] Or there's more.
[38:48] Boy, you're killing it though.
[38:49] Oh, thank you.
[38:50] You're killing it.
[38:51] I don't feel that way.
[38:52] You are.
[38:53] So when I hear from people like you and other people.
[38:55] Yeah.
[38:56] I feel good.
[38:57] And every other thing.
[38:58] Something that's like killing.
[38:59] Yeah.
[39:00] That's it.
[39:01] All of these things.
[39:02] When they start.
[39:03] It seems like I'm imagining.
[39:04] I'm imagining.
[39:05] And gradually it becomes like everyday.
[39:06] They start looking for what next thing.
[39:07] I think it becomes.
[39:08] This is done.
[39:09] Next and it's what next.
[39:10] Knowing the kind of person that you are, what's your killing, and it's always the only way
[39:13] is up.
[39:14] That's what.
[39:15] That's it.
[39:16] We are going to.
[39:17] That's what we're going.
[39:18] Yeah.
[39:19] I see it.
[39:20] Well done.
[39:21] If, and now we get to the parts of the story.
[39:25] You already know, you can write it, you know, and some of these stories, I'm sure they are doing you like when you read them.
[39:30] When you said, you have a wise and kind person saying, me?
[39:33] Okay.
[39:34] You are, yes you are.
[39:36] And we're going to talk about this story with Ifi.
[39:39] But before then, we always take a pledge.
[39:42] Shall we listen?
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[40:10] Hi.
[40:12] Hi.
[40:13] Ifi.
[40:14] Promise.
[40:15] Promise to be kind.
[40:16] To be kind.
[40:17] To be honest.
[40:18] And to not ask ifi who wrote in the story.
[40:20] And to not ask ifi who wrote in the story.
[40:23] Thank you very much.
[40:24] Let's get into it.
[40:25] Are you sure I can ask you?
[40:27] You can't.
[40:28] Even if you ask me.
[40:29] I'm not telling you.
[40:30] Okay.
[40:31] Okay.
[40:32] That means I can send you my own story.
[40:35] And I will feel safe because you're not going to share it.
[40:37] Yes.
[40:38] That's good.
[40:39] We don't do that to worry you.
[40:41] Okay.
[40:42] Dear Ifi, I want to bring the matter to your notice.
[40:46] Every year, my husband's family do needs money for their mother's party.
[40:50] My mother-in-law must celebrate her birthday every year in grand style.
[40:55] And her children must pay for it.
[40:58] Which is fine because they are doing well for themselves.
[41:01] This year, hobby has not been able to contribute because business is slow.
[41:06] So I said he should tell his siblings to cover for him this year.
[41:10] He said no.
[41:11] That I should give him the money.
[41:13] I've been saving to pay for the down payment for your house here in America.
[41:19] If I'm so hurt by that statement.
[41:21] I've been saving to have just one house in my name.
[41:24] This man, anytime he buys a house for investment, he buys in his name.
[41:29] The only one that is in both of our names is the one that we are living in right now.
[41:33] Every other one in his name.
[41:35] I don't complain.
[41:36] But me too.
[41:37] I want a house in my own name.
[41:39] I said I can't give him the money for the party.
[41:42] He should ask his siblings.
[41:43] I've been saving very hard.
[41:45] Not buying anything.
[41:47] Anyhow.
[41:48] Because I must buy a house this year.
[41:50] He said I'm a bad wife and I'm not supportive.
[41:53] He then brought up one story.
[41:55] You posted about a month.
[41:57] A doctor wife saying I'm like,
[42:00] I don't want to support him.
[42:01] Please, how is this the same thing?
[42:03] It's not fair.
[42:04] I'm crying while writing this because it's as if he just doesn't want me
[42:08] to have anything to myself.
[42:10] He's a provider in the house and I appreciate everything.
[42:14] But now that I'm doing some small, small work and making something for myself,
[42:18] he wants to take all of that from me.
[42:21] He said he will refund me.
[42:23] But I don't know when because there are so many bills to be paid right now.
[42:27] When his business picks up, I don't know.
[42:31] This issue is causing so much quarrel in the house and the money is due
[42:35] by the end of August for me to pay.
[42:38] He's talking about how to buy the house by the end of August.
[42:43] Please, if they am I a bad wife?
[42:48] That is bitter.
[42:50] She a bad wife.
[42:52] Is she a bad wife?
[42:53] No, she's not a bad wife.
[42:55] And what I would say because in her shoes,
[42:59] first, why are you all not having properties in both your names?
[43:05] So that for me is the red flag.
[43:08] She said the one in their name is the one believing.
[43:12] The one he buys for investment still.
[43:15] So for me, I want to buy a house in my name.
[43:19] I still don't know what she wants to do that.
[43:21] But I mean, it's her choice.
[43:22] It's okay to do that.
[43:23] He wants to borrow the money.
[43:25] No problem.
[43:26] What can you put my name in the other house?
[43:31] I can't know that.
[43:33] So if you don't have money to draw.
[43:36] I cannot lose.
[43:38] I'm sorry.
[43:39] If you don't do that, then you're not a good person.
[43:42] And I'm not going to drop my money for you.
[43:45] I think it's only fair.
[43:47] Let's bring our hands to the table.
[43:49] Let's see everything.
[43:50] Let's see.
[43:51] You want the money.
[43:52] You don't have business to slow.
[43:53] I understand.
[43:54] I believe you.
[43:55] I know.
[43:56] I see you're a good provider in the home.
[43:58] I know.
[43:59] I know.
[44:00] I know.
[44:01] I know.
[44:02] I know.
[44:03] I know.
[44:04] I know.
[44:05] I know.
[44:06] I know.
[44:07] I know.
[44:08] I know.
[44:09] I know.
[44:10] I know.
[44:11] I know.
[44:12] I know.
[44:13] I know.
[44:14] I know.
[44:15] I know.
[44:16] I know.
[44:17] I know.
[44:18] I know.
[44:19] I know.
[44:20] I know.
[44:21] I know.
[44:22] I know.
[44:23] I know.
[44:24] I know.
[44:25] I know.
[44:26] I know.
[44:27] I know.
[44:28] I know.
[44:34] I know.
[44:35] What?
[44:36] I know.
[44:37] What?
[44:38] I know.
[44:39] What?
[44:40] Where?
[44:41] Where?
[44:42] frag editor.
[44:43] Rich?!
[44:44] structure.
[44:45] That's how people think.
[44:46] They think that they don't trust their partners.
[44:49] That's how I feel.
[44:50] I mean,
[44:51] I'm sorry,
[44:53] I don't think would casting for me.
[44:55] You can be, really.
[44:56] They said this day,
[44:57] if you want a house in your name,
[44:58] two of you are one.
[45:00] You're going to hand this house,
[45:02] or the house is over your children.
[45:04] And even if you don't trust your partner,
[45:06] or put the house in your kid's name there,
[45:08] so there's nobody's name if you don't trust each other.
[45:11] But why are you having a house in your name?
[45:13] I don't understand this.
[45:14] I don't.
[45:15] So you would never.
[45:16] I would never accept, I'm seeing some,
[45:20] there's a reason for me to do that.
[45:23] Then by all means, I will.
[45:25] OK, so I sometimes feel like it's from where we're coming from.
[45:29] Sometimes you also want to go to anything wrong.
[45:31] But you have an experience with your mother, or your aunt,
[45:34] or your children.
[45:35] And what you see now, that is you bringing baggage
[45:37] into your marriage trauma, trauma.
[45:40] So there's a challenge somewhere.
[45:42] So addresses as I said, there's nothing wrong in having me.
[45:44] If you really want to, by all means, do that.
[45:48] If I really want to have a house in my name,
[45:49] and my husband will do just like this one.
[45:51] So it's not going to be a bad place.
[45:53] She's not being sneaky about it.
[45:55] Her husband knows.
[45:56] It's a good thing.
[45:56] But why is this husband trying to collate with money?
[45:59] Are you sure that his business has gone around that?
[46:01] I want this for street.
[46:02] I want this for street.
[46:04] It was right away.
[46:04] Because all this money that I say, bring money for party,
[46:08] your siblings can afford it.
[46:09] Why are you stressing me?
[46:10] Don't come for my money.
[46:12] But if you must come for my money,
[46:13] oh, God, you have to give me something.
[46:15] Put my name.
[46:16] Please, don't release that money.
[46:18] I'm not a bad woman.
[46:19] Don't release that money.
[46:20] You have to give you something too.
[46:23] Don't release it.
[46:24] What do you say of the husband that built the boat houses
[46:28] for investment without his wife's name on that?
[46:30] I don't think it's better than saying he's being
[46:32] there's something sneaky and shady.
[46:34] Why is the house, even if for investment purposes,
[46:38] at the end of the day, the house is still...
[46:39] The money comes to the family.
[46:40] Everything comes to the family.
[46:41] Why is your wife's name not on?
[46:44] Why?
[46:45] Why?
[46:46] Why?
[46:48] I don't know.
[46:48] So I mean, it's not there.
[46:50] So it's okay for Duman to want her own.
[46:51] Since he has his own.
[46:52] Yeah, and if he doesn't want that,
[46:54] put my name on, I'll borrow you the money.
[46:56] Can love exist with boundaries?
[46:59] I don't know how much is a deep question.
[47:05] Can love exist with boundaries?
[47:08] Financial boundaries.
[47:10] Privacy on a phone is my house.
[47:13] It's your house.
[47:14] I can only talk from my own perspective.
[47:18] And I am an open book.
[47:21] You see where we may say, have your secret stash.
[47:24] Have your days.
[47:25] I'm sure it's very wise.
[47:26] It's very smart.
[47:28] I'm good, I'm big.
[47:29] Don't let me happen to be neutral.
[47:31] But I'll say, why didn't I use it a big book?
[47:35] As well as not giving me a reason to have a secret stash
[47:39] or close my books or hide it or look, it's opened.
[47:44] And because of power, I don't know if it's because of power,
[47:47] I am moved.
[47:47] Or he too.
[47:48] What about because of how he is to you?
[47:50] Isn't that also a thing?
[47:53] Because even if you are like that, but if he's somehow to you,
[47:55] wouldn't you have to?
[47:56] Or I'll close up now.
[47:57] So doesn't say he himself, he's open.
[48:00] So there's no reason.
[48:01] And if he's stashing something in a way,
[48:02] I don't know.
[48:03] And I'm not looking forward, I don't know.
[48:06] So God can't see me.
[48:08] I'm just living my life every day.
[48:11] Not of a thinking, not possessing.
[48:12] No, I'm not.
[48:13] He has my passwords.
[48:15] I have his own.
[48:16] I don't have a reason to even check it out.
[48:18] I have his password.
[48:20] He has my own.
[48:21] I don't ever want his situation to come well.
[48:23] I'll have to hide my phone.
[48:25] Now back to your question, can love exist in Boundary?
[48:28] I don't know, but it's free for me.
[48:31] It's easier way than in Boundary.
[48:33] Where there are boundaries.
[48:35] Except this, I don't know.
[48:37] Except the boundary is not in his boundary of, OK,
[48:41] don't come into the bathroom when I'm there.
[48:43] But I don't want to smell far.
[48:45] Those are, of course.
[48:46] So that kind of boundary, I've come to respect.
[48:49] I said, I'm looking for a strawberry.
[48:50] I don't want to say that.
[48:51] Do you sometimes, like, I'm coming?
[48:52] Of course.
[48:53] And you say, go, I said, well, I'm doing smelling it.
[48:55] I don't think so.
[48:56] It's OK.
[48:57] So that's that kind of boundary.
[48:58] It makes it uncomfortable.
[49:00] Sorry.
[49:00] Well, boundary of finances for, no.
[49:05] There shouldn't be any boundary.
[49:07] No.
[49:08] That means your love is not contrasting.
[49:10] It's not strong.
[49:11] There's something.
[49:12] Why can't I be open with you?
[49:14] That's our idea.
[49:15] And that's the thing with love that is not 100% in those areas.
[49:18] If you don't quickly check, it's always
[49:22] germinating to something else.
[49:24] Yeah.
[49:25] How is it OK that I don't have my husband's password?
[49:27] Yeah.
[49:29] Why?
[49:29] What are you hiding?
[49:31] And I think people don't understand that having the password
[49:33] doesn't mean you're a snooping.
[49:34] Or you're going to snoop.
[49:35] But when you start snooping, I'll be check yourself too.
[49:38] Then there's a problem.
[49:39] Why am I snooping?
[49:40] Like, you better.
[49:40] But having the password doesn't mean you should snoop.
[49:43] Just know that there's a comforts.
[49:45] I think there's a comforts.
[49:46] You're just knowing that you have it.
[49:48] And you can't go there.
[49:49] I don't even go take, what do I even need this one for?
[49:52] I don't want to hide myself.
[49:53] What is I know it?
[49:54] I know it's password.
[49:55] What if he ever gives me reason to know?
[49:58] You will check.
[49:58] I'm going to snoop.
[49:59] Yep.
[50:00] I'll check.
[50:01] I don't disagree.
[50:02] Is what this man doing a form of emotional manipulation?
[50:07] I don't see that.
[50:08] I just see my very selfish person.
[50:11] I won't see that.
[50:12] I just trying to manipulate her into not buying.
[50:16] No, I don't.
[50:16] Instead of saying, I don't want you to buy a house in your name.
[50:18] Just bring the money.
[50:21] No, I don't know.
[50:23] No, I don't know.
[50:24] I don't know.
[50:25] I don't have anything that far.
[50:27] I think he just wants to borrow.
[50:30] It could be, oh.
[50:31] That really wants to borrow all his money.
[50:33] It could be, oh, and that Duma will never see the lights
[50:38] or the light of that money.
[50:39] The money will not see.
[50:40] It will not come back.
[50:42] It could be.
[50:43] So she does what I'm saying, she has to be wise.
[50:46] And put her name in his other properties.
[50:49] And if it doesn't, keep your money.
[50:51] Yeah, if you don't, keep your money.
[50:53] So yeah, keep your money.
[50:56] That's everybody be.
[50:58] Is everybody be mad?
[51:01] What does a successful marriage mean to you?
[51:05] What does it mean to me?
[51:06] It means everything to me, everything,
[51:08] because you're able to thrive in every aspect.
[51:11] The kids have a very happy, on the grow their healthy,
[51:16] your business.
[51:17] That's peace.
[51:18] There's just peace everywhere.
[51:20] What partners are able to thrive?
[51:22] The kids as well.
[51:23] Family members.
[51:24] It's just, I don't know, it's complete.
[51:28] It's complete.
[51:29] And that's the way it should be.
[51:30] That way, we start bringing healthy families
[51:33] that the community becomes better,
[51:37] because the family is a small community.
[51:39] And that's where we start from.
[51:41] So if we want Nigeria or anywhere in the world
[51:43] to be a good place, we have to start from the family,
[51:45] you know, from the home front.
[51:47] Absolutely.
[51:47] There'll be peace there.
[51:49] And we'll have a better future and country.
[51:52] Absolutely.
[51:54] I agree with you.
[51:54] When I say it kind of, you will say anything.
[51:57] You see, it is here.
[51:59] Before I do a recap of the story,
[52:02] and we end this fantastic, eye-opening,
[52:06] emotional episode of day-effects.
[52:08] I have a gift for my guests as you already know.
[52:12] Can I have it, please?
[52:16] If you do, you already know what's coming.
[52:18] Yes, I see.
[52:19] You do, I see.
[52:21] I see.
[52:22] You already know.
[52:23] Damn.
[52:25] Damn, lifestyle service.
[52:26] We should give this to you.
[52:27] It's so much.
[52:28] The two amazing gifts in there.
[52:30] We hope that you have to open it now.
[52:32] You can open it if you want, if you want.
[52:33] You know some people, I've asked that question before.
[52:36] When I leave you here from here, how do you feel
[52:38] when you give someone a gift?
[52:39] Yeah.
[52:39] Do you want them to open it in your front?
[52:40] Or ask them?
[52:41] Because I want to see the excitement.
[52:42] Like, I want to see that you're excited to receive it.
[52:46] So when you open it for me, I'm not...
[52:47] No, I feel so.
[52:48] Because I give you rubbish.
[52:49] That's not going to be worried.
[52:50] Some people feel like they don't want it.
[52:51] No, no, no, open it.
[52:52] I need to see your excitement when you see the gift.
[52:54] Whoa.
[52:55] Hey.
[52:57] Okay.
[52:59] Ah, I see.
[53:02] You see.
[53:04] Thank you.
[53:05] You did smell nice.
[53:06] No, no.
[53:07] Oh, nice.
[53:08] I'm telling you.
[53:09] When you say, what do you smell nice?
[53:10] I say, yes.
[53:10] In that lifestyle that is doing the work.
[53:12] I'm glad you like.
[53:13] Thank you.
[53:14] I'm glad you like.
[53:15] Let me recap this story for you.
[53:17] There is a woman who has been saving money to buy a house.
[53:21] Meanwhile, I also have houses in his own name,
[53:23] investments, house investments in his own name.
[53:26] And the house they living is in both their names.
[53:28] The husband's family always celebrate their mother's birthday
[53:32] every year, extravagantly, like she said.
[53:34] However, this year, the husband says the business is slow.
[53:38] He's unable to contribute.
[53:39] He asked the wife, that money that you've been saving up
[53:41] to buy your own house, that you want to put in your name,
[53:44] bring that money, let's just celebrate my mother's birthday.
[53:47] I will return it to you.
[53:49] And she's saying, no, I'm not going to do that.
[53:52] And the husband has touched her a bad wife.
[53:55] That is a gentleman.
[53:56] Those of you watching.
[53:57] You see a bad wife.
[54:00] Over to you.
[54:02] Show them over to you.
[54:03] Over to you.
[54:05] You see a bad wife.
[54:08] Let us know in the comments.
[54:09] Did you like this episode?
[54:11] Did you like this episode?
[54:12] Don't forget to comment, like, share, and click the subscribe button.
[54:17] To watch another episode on the AFS series, click here.

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