# Idia Aisen On Abusive Relationships, Pain & Nollywood | Dear Ife Series Podcast

An episode of [Diary of A Naija Girl](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1888131074), 27 Jun 2025, 1 h 10 min.

Audio: https://episode.flightcast.com/ler9mvhgp9r6qtant9967abt.mp3

Idia Aisien is every bit the woman she knows she is, and this powerful conversation with Ife on the Dear Ife Series Podcast proves just that. She opens up about surviving abusive relationships, growing up with the pressure of elite expectations, healing from a traumatic accident, and navigating the Nollywood industry. It’s raw, honest, and might just move you to tears. Grab a tissue, press play, and share your thoughts in the comments — because as always, the conversation isn’t complete without you. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe. Want more visual podcasts from DANG? SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/@diaryofanaijagirl #DANG #DiaryofaNaijaGirl #DANGWithIfe About Diary of a Naija Girl Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) is an online community, founded and managed by Ifedayo Agoro, to inspire women across the world through creative storytelling. Back in 2015, it started as an online diary, sharing the everyday adventures of an anonymous Nigerian woman. Fast forward nine years, and it has become a tribe of incredible women, living their best lives one story at a time. DANG is a safe space for women to be unapologetically themselves, a family that laughs, learns and lifts each other, from Lagos to every corner of the world. About Ifedayo Agoro An entrepreneur, creative writer, content creator, content marketer and media strategist, Ifedayo Agoro is the founder of Diary of a Naija Girl (DANG) and DANG Lifestyle, a premium home and body care production company, which she launched in Nigeria in 2020. Ifedayo is passionate about social responsibility and philanthropy. She sponsors several young residents at Little Saints Orphanage and partners with Lots Charity Foundation, a non-governmental aid organisation. Connect with DANG Online: Like DANG on FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/3xLjCkU Follow DANG on TWITTER: https://bit.ly/4aBgy9I Follow DANG on INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/4ay4Axu Follow DANG on LINKEDIN: https://bit.ly/3JhGpHM

## Transcript

[0:00] I remember when I first started in Nollywood, I started dating this guy and I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread.
[0:12] As much as I realized, I had nobody around me.
[0:14] Something happened that made me realize I didn't have anybody to call that day.
[0:18] What happened?
[0:20] I'm going to need more alcohol.
[0:22] I get home before I could say anything.
[0:24] He's like, I saw a social media.
[0:27] And after he does that, he holds me.
[0:31] And he's shaking me by the shoulders.
[0:33] And he's like, I didn't hit you.
[0:35] It wasn't that hard.
[0:36] You know what I said?
[0:37] I want you to hit something.
[0:38] You first see, like, stars.
[0:39] He's a big guy.
[0:40] So...
[0:42] Sorry!
[0:45] I remember calling one of my friends.
[0:50] As she said to me, she said you can't tell anybody.
[0:53] And she said it can't be that bad.
[0:55] Because you're not going to fight somebody that treats you.
[0:58] You do hate treats you.
[1:09] Hi, everybody.
[1:10] Welcome to another episode of Dear EFest series,
[1:14] where we're bringing your stories and dissect them with our friends who come here on the show.
[1:19] We also talk about their lives.
[1:21] And, you know, what they've been through, letting you know that in this life,
[1:25] your situation isn't peculiar.
[1:27] You're not alone.
[1:28] We are all in this together.
[1:30] Today, I have with me
[1:33] the lectable actress.
[1:35] Champagne Princess.
[1:37] Beauty, brains, bold.
[1:40] And everything in between.
[1:42] The delectable, the beautiful.
[1:44] Oh, and Queen Influencer,
[1:46] Idiot ICN.
[1:48] Hi!
[1:50] Thank you for having me.
[1:52] Thank you for coming.
[1:54] How are you feeling?
[1:56] I'm a little nervous, but let's go.
[1:58] Tell me where.
[2:00] I don't know what to expect.
[2:02] I know that you go deep.
[2:04] You're not a surface person.
[2:06] And I'm just here trying to be myself and become a boss.
[2:10] But you shouldn't be nervous with me.
[2:12] We just don't.
[2:13] That's true.
[2:14] No, there are people who are not interested.
[2:16] So you'll be okay.
[2:18] Yeah, okay.
[2:19] I trust you.
[2:20] How are you?
[2:21] I'm...
[2:23] Yeah.
[2:26] Yeah.
[2:28] I'm hanging in there.
[2:31] Yeah.
[2:32] Say that.
[2:34] It's tough.
[2:35] And it's not peculiar to me,
[2:39] because everybody's feeling it's everywhere all over the world.
[2:43] But it's heavy.
[2:46] Which one is particular to you?
[2:50] The fact that I can't complain,
[2:52] because people feel like I'm privileged.
[2:56] That makes it tough.
[3:00] Of course.
[3:01] Because then you can't really just express.
[3:04] Yeah.
[3:05] Yeah.
[3:06] Because you feel like who are you to complain?
[3:08] Yeah.
[3:09] Yeah.
[3:10] What do you want to complain about?
[3:12] Yeah.
[3:13] Everything.
[3:14] I mean, life.
[3:15] Yeah.
[3:16] Money could be better in Nigeria.
[3:18] Love.
[3:19] Mm-hmm.
[3:20] Relationships, friends.
[3:23] There's so much.
[3:24] There's just...
[3:25] Everything just feels heavy.
[3:26] And I think this year in particular last year,
[3:28] God, did a whole lot of work on me.
[3:31] Yeah.
[3:32] I feel like last year I was burning in fire.
[3:34] And I was like, okay, 2025 is my gift, right?
[3:37] Because if I survived 2024.
[3:39] I can.
[3:40] 2025 is him saying, my baby, you know.
[3:43] Rest.
[3:44] I'm going to give you everything that you lost.
[3:46] Yeah.
[3:47] It's like Sanoda test again.
[3:49] It's a sacrifice.
[3:51] Yeah.
[3:52] Yeah, it's a lot.
[3:53] Is it not getting better?
[3:57] One of my close friends told me that it's a matter of perspective.
[4:00] Even if you look at things from a positive standpoint,
[4:03] yeah, they may appear better,
[4:05] and yeah, it might affect certain things,
[4:08] how you handle them and the outcomes.
[4:10] But it doesn't change the fact that it's hard.
[4:12] It's still hard.
[4:13] Yeah.
[4:14] It's hard.
[4:15] It's hard.
[4:16] Let's talk about what's hard like.
[4:18] Because, you know, I always say that in talking,
[4:21] of course, some of these bodies are shed,
[4:23] not everything, because we see how to work,
[4:25] to make sure that whatever we're going through,
[4:27] you know, we try to resolve.
[4:29] Or we go with this.
[4:30] Because, you know, just like sometimes we can't resolve it.
[4:32] There are some things that just have to let time, you know.
[4:36] So, let's talk about the ones that we can actually talk about.
[4:39] And hopefully, it's lessons are burdened a little bit.
[4:42] Yeah.
[4:43] Let's talk about love, for example.
[4:46] Have you ever been in a relationship?
[4:53] And every day,
[4:57] your partner assures you that we're fine.
[5:01] But?
[5:02] I mean, you're not fine.
[5:04] You know.
[5:05] And I feel like also, because women are quiet,
[5:07] I don't want to say we're quite sensitive.
[5:08] I don't know if that's the right word.
[5:09] We feel it.
[5:10] But we know.
[5:11] Yeah.
[5:13] Yeah.
[5:14] We're not fine.
[5:15] And with guys, certain boxes may not be ticked,
[5:17] certain things may not be happening.
[5:18] But they're like, oh, are cool.
[5:20] And I feel like that's how you glide and glide and go with the flow.
[5:23] And before you know, you've been dating this person for seven years.
[5:26] And, you know, not that there's anything wrong with this song for many, many years.
[5:29] But I've always thought that my romance would be like,
[5:32] bam, bam, bam.
[5:34] You're such a romantic.
[5:35] Yeah.
[5:36] You want something.
[5:37] I want the butterflies.
[5:38] Yeah.
[5:39] I want to feel alive.
[5:41] I want to feel like there's somebody there supporting me.
[5:44] Like, I want to feel, I want to feel like I'm not alone.
[5:47] I want to feel like I'm part of a unit.
[5:49] And you don't feel like that.
[5:50] You know.
[5:51] If you don't feel like that,
[5:52] how does somebody now think it's okay?
[5:55] I think people are different.
[5:57] And I don't want to say the problem starts with love languages.
[6:00] But now it's become a thing where...
[6:02] What's a love language?
[6:03] Because your love languages are this and mine are different.
[6:05] Yeah.
[6:06] I'm giving what I have.
[6:07] And you're not accepting.
[6:08] Do you understand?
[6:09] Yeah.
[6:10] And that's annoying.
[6:11] Yeah.
[6:12] Because your love language might be words.
[6:15] But sometimes words are not enough.
[6:17] You're giving what you have, but they're not accepting it.
[6:20] Yes.
[6:21] In the sense that the person might feel like, oh, but I give you words of affirmation.
[6:23] And you're like, come on.
[6:25] I don't, you don't call me every day.
[6:26] You don't deserve that.
[6:28] I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
[6:30] I'm the most beautiful girl that you can't call every day.
[6:32] Give me a break.
[6:33] You know what I mean?
[6:34] You need your partner to call you every day.
[6:36] Yeah.
[6:37] Isn't that normal?
[6:38] It's like, to me, you know, it's like...
[6:40] I want my partner to be like my best friend.
[6:42] So I don't know how other people reason their own relationship.
[6:46] From my own relationships that I've been blessed to have,
[6:49] or well, some not so blessed.
[6:51] No offense to anybody.
[6:52] But yeah, the relationships I've been blessed to have,
[6:55] I speak to my partner more than we're talking, like, at least even five times a day,
[6:59] because we're constantly living together.
[7:02] You know?
[7:03] Yeah.
[7:04] I'm making decisions with you.
[7:05] I'm asking your opinion on things you're asking me the same.
[7:08] But I feel like it's some Nigerian relationships.
[7:11] It's very tough.
[7:13] I called you at night now.
[7:15] Okay, but I called you in the morning.
[7:17] Yeah, about two days ago, we spoke.
[7:19] What?
[7:20] Two days ago, we spoke.
[7:21] What was yesterday?
[7:23] For the last week, you know, I called you.
[7:25] I told you I was going to be traveling with the boys.
[7:27] I mean, I'll be able to talk while I...
[7:29] That is why you need to talk to me.
[7:30] Because just travel with the boys.
[7:32] You're in a strange place.
[7:33] And I haven't heard of you.
[7:34] Yeah.
[7:35] It's not even that I don't.
[7:36] I feel like, why is it so difficult for some men in our case, because we're women.
[7:40] So I kind of...
[7:41] I can't only speak for Russia.
[7:42] To understand that, that constant communication is necessary for the growth of the relationship.
[7:47] The relationship you're in now, this person doesn't understand that.
[7:50] Or do you think that you're asking for too much?
[7:53] So they...
[7:55] They exclaim I'm not asking for too much.
[7:57] They will say everything that you're seeing.
[7:59] Yeah.
[8:00] If I know I haven't called you, I understand.
[8:03] I will do better.
[8:04] You know how much I love you.
[8:05] You're the only person for me.
[8:07] You want me to call you every day.
[8:08] I will do that time more.
[8:09] I really love you.
[8:10] I appreciate you.
[8:11] You're everything.
[8:12] And then we have the same conversation next week.
[8:14] You know, week after.
[8:15] So I don't do better.
[8:16] I'm glad it's like...
[8:18] Yeah.
[8:19] Yeah.
[8:20] So the vibe is probably no vibe.
[8:22] As it should.
[8:23] But he's the most amazing human.
[8:25] Okay.
[8:30] So most amazing human in the sense that, you know, I'm stuck between this life teaching us
[8:36] that we have to look for the...
[8:37] We have to look at people's good qualities and appreciate this.
[8:41] And the life of, well, this is what makes me happy.
[8:45] You know, I grew up with my dad and I talking all the time.
[8:49] My dad would always call me to sit down and, you know, watch TV with him.
[8:53] That quality time, he would always like call me.
[8:56] We used to be like, I used to give my dad flowers.
[8:58] So I don't...
[8:59] You don't understand.
[9:00] Yeah, I don't understand why it's such a big deal.
[9:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[9:03] I get that.
[9:04] I want to have the story.
[9:05] The story will be really together today.
[9:08] I think as something he just said, I'm like,
[9:11] but he's the most amazing guy.
[9:14] I was making excuses.
[9:15] Yes, it's in the story today.
[9:17] But it's the most...
[9:19] I feel like seeing you and people say,
[9:23] it's a new name.
[9:24] She has men falling all over her.
[9:27] She would...
[9:28] Look at her people.
[9:30] You know that they won't have the perspective, right?
[9:33] I mean, yes, men are...
[9:35] That's not the point.
[9:36] The point is, are we getting the ones who we are supposed to?
[9:40] And now, in the place that you are,
[9:42] which I can see is a place of growth and consistent growth.
[9:45] In that case, do you look back
[9:47] at relationships that you've been...
[9:49] I shouldn't have been in there.
[9:50] So I've been in some relationships that...
[9:55] I would say all my relationships, the good thing about them
[9:59] is that I learned certain lessons.
[10:01] And I finally knew exactly what I don't want.
[10:05] Yes, yes.
[10:11] I've met controlling people.
[10:13] Like, I've met people that...
[10:15] You know, why you're an actress?
[10:17] You know how actresses are perceived?
[10:19] From the type of family you're familiar with,
[10:21] you know what?
[10:22] My family will put you on salary every month.
[10:24] You need to give up your job acting.
[10:26] I remember when I first started in Nollywood,
[10:30] I started dating this guy.
[10:32] And I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread.
[10:36] So all my offers,
[10:38] the movies that were coming in,
[10:40] because of course, you know,
[10:41] you're just the one big film,
[10:42] the script's boring.
[10:43] Yeah.
[10:44] You'll be like, no, don't do this one.
[10:46] So I was turning down stuff thinking that...
[10:48] Ah, after our first film,
[10:49] didn't it?
[10:50] They don't say the Billy Awards.
[10:51] You're okay.
[10:52] You understand.
[10:54] And he's literally telling you,
[10:56] you're too good for this, you're too good for this.
[10:58] And you are really seeing the money.
[11:00] You are seeing the lifestyle.
[11:01] You are seeing that I was...
[11:03] I was so...
[11:04] I was on cloud nine.
[11:05] So I didn't need my friends anymore.
[11:07] I was avoiding my family,
[11:08] because he was everything.
[11:09] He made things...
[11:10] Why were you avoiding your family?
[11:11] Because he was telling me things like, you know,
[11:13] you're the last child,
[11:14] your family, are they really treating you well,
[11:17] giving you what you deserve?
[11:18] You know, you're just putting things in your head,
[11:20] like, you know, you can have more.
[11:21] Wow.
[11:22] My friends as well,
[11:23] I don't like this friend.
[11:24] I don't like that friend.
[11:25] You know, I've confirmed that it's your friend.
[11:26] It's like this.
[11:27] So you can't be around hard.
[11:28] So it was much later.
[11:30] You don't realize when you're in it.
[11:31] It's much later I realized
[11:33] I had nobody around me.
[11:34] It was me.
[11:36] And it was him.
[11:37] Was that at the point when you were still with him or after?
[11:39] I was still inside.
[11:41] It was something happened.
[11:43] Something happened that made me realize
[11:46] I didn't have anybody to call that day.
[11:48] Yeah.
[11:49] What happened?
[11:50] So one day,
[11:51] I was...
[11:52] My usual influence in or whatever.
[11:53] I was working for a brand.
[11:55] And in that brand's contract,
[11:57] they tell you that you're going to go for a certain event
[11:59] or whatever.
[12:00] So even though I wasn't taking scripts and going out and doing stuff,
[12:03] it was confirmed that
[12:05] I had to go for that event for that brand.
[12:08] Right?
[12:09] So I...
[12:10] She...
[12:11] Don't go out.
[12:12] Don't do this.
[12:13] Don't that.
[12:14] Don't that.
[12:15] So I went for the event.
[12:16] But I was like, OK, I'll just go for 10 minutes.
[12:17] I'll do red carpet.
[12:18] They went on even happy because they heard that
[12:20] they came in and went out.
[12:21] And you do that when people start to say,
[12:23] you should be getting started.
[12:24] Yeah.
[12:25] I had to run home because I would...
[12:27] I would be in trouble with my...
[12:29] My everything person that was going to marry me
[12:31] and I was going to have kids for it.
[12:33] And I get home.
[12:35] His house needs to go home.
[12:37] And before I could say anything, he's like,
[12:39] I saw on social media.
[12:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[12:41] Pa.
[12:42] Pa.
[12:43] And after he does that, he holds me.
[12:45] And he's shaking me by the shoulders.
[12:47] And he's like, I didn't hit you.
[12:50] It wasn't that hard.
[12:51] It wasn't that hard.
[12:52] Come down.
[12:53] Come down.
[12:54] It wasn't that hard.
[12:55] It wasn't paying for relax.
[12:57] We're just talking.
[12:58] We're just...
[12:59] So I first...
[13:01] You know what I said?
[13:02] I want you to hit something.
[13:03] You first see, like, stars.
[13:04] He's a big guy.
[13:05] So...
[13:06] Sorry.
[13:07] It's okay.
[13:08] It's okay.
[13:09] It's okay.
[13:10] It's okay.
[13:11] Anyway.
[13:12] He's a big guy.
[13:14] So...
[13:15] Come on.
[13:19] I can actually talk about this now.
[13:21] He's a big guy.
[13:22] So...
[13:23] You know, like, if you...
[13:24] If you actually hit something,
[13:26] and there's like...
[13:27] Don't trauma.
[13:28] Like, you actually do see stars.
[13:29] I don't know where cartoons get that from, but you actually do see.
[13:32] I saw something.
[13:33] And he brought me back to reality like,
[13:35] what I just saw didn't happen.
[13:39] So, for hours,
[13:41] I was trying to figure out
[13:43] if that actually happened to me.
[13:45] You know, Nigeria is where somehow we start thinking,
[13:48] it's not possible.
[13:49] You know, there's a part of us that thinks
[13:51] why it's a bit special.
[13:52] As an entrance normally.
[13:53] It's a bit of a moment to breathe, please.
[13:55] And you can also breathe.
[13:56] Wow.
[13:57] Yeah.
[13:59] It wasn't like D.V.
[14:00] It was like, you know...
[14:01] It wasn't like D.V.
[14:03] It happened like one time.
[14:05] It was D.V.
[14:06] For those watching.
[14:07] D.V. means domestic violence.
[14:09] That's what it was.
[14:12] Yes.
[14:14] And it told you to your face.
[14:16] I didn't hit you.
[14:17] Oh, he was like...
[14:18] He had...
[14:19] He had me by the shoulders like this.
[14:21] So, it's like, my mind...
[14:23] You know when it happens,
[14:24] you're first days.
[14:25] I came back from the shaking.
[14:27] From the vibrations like...
[14:29] It wasn't that bad.
[14:31] It wasn't that bad.
[14:32] It wasn't...
[14:33] Come on.
[14:34] I didn't hit you that hard.
[14:35] Did you feel it wasn't that bad?
[14:36] Ah.
[14:37] I had to explain.
[14:38] He said, big guy.
[14:39] So, he got on the start.
[14:40] I said, I saw starts.
[14:41] Like, it...
[14:43] And for me, like...
[14:44] I don't know about other people.
[14:45] Grown up.
[14:46] They used to slap me.
[14:47] So...
[14:48] I was like, wow.
[14:50] I was...
[14:51] It was...
[14:52] It was two hot slabs.
[14:54] It was as in...
[14:56] Anyway...
[14:58] I was...
[15:02] vibrating.
[15:04] And it was like...
[15:05] fear.
[15:07] Because I've never had to do with...
[15:10] anything like that.
[15:12] So, I don't know what you do next.
[15:15] I acted like everything was fine.
[15:19] And then I told him...
[15:21] Did you get back?
[15:22] No.
[15:23] I ran downstairs.
[15:24] I took my keys and I drove home.
[15:26] And I remember calling one of my friends.
[15:29] And she said to me,
[15:33] she said, you can't tell anybody.
[15:35] And she said, it can't be that bad.
[15:37] Because you're not going to fight somebody...
[15:39] that treats you the way he treats you.
[15:46] So, the bit is better than being single.
[15:51] That was the time you felt alone.
[15:54] You felt like...
[15:55] Yes.
[15:56] And even this girl...
[15:57] I was one of the people that I wasn't allowed to hang out with.
[16:00] I felt the first person told me.
[16:02] So, there was nobody else...
[16:03] First of all, my family would swing into...
[16:05] Yeah.
[16:06] Who do we...
[16:07] You understand?
[16:08] Yeah.
[16:09] She was the only person...
[16:11] First of all, that late at night.
[16:13] She was the first person I was like, okay.
[16:16] If this girl tells me that I'm not imagining...
[16:19] Because I was screaming.
[16:21] I was crying.
[16:22] I was in my car.
[16:23] I was scared.
[16:24] I didn't know if I should go upstairs.
[16:25] I didn't know if he was going to calm after realizing I left.
[16:27] I didn't know what was going to happen.
[16:29] So, at this time, she was just my first thought.
[16:32] At that time, at night, my family...
[16:35] Most of my siblings are married.
[16:38] You don't want to wake somebody up and then they have kids.
[16:41] And they're living there.
[16:42] So, she was my first thought.
[16:45] I said, come down.
[16:47] You're not going to find somebody like that.
[16:51] Yeah.
[16:52] So, I started thinking about it.
[16:55] And I said, okay.
[16:56] The best thing to do would be to talk to his friend.
[16:59] And his friend said, shit.
[17:04] Apparently, he'd hit all the people before.
[17:08] But they were so convinced that with me,
[17:11] it would be different.
[17:12] He was like, this girl would change me, please.
[17:15] You know that kind of thing?
[17:16] She's my last post-op.
[17:17] She's everything.
[17:18] She's my dream girl.
[17:20] Yeah.
[17:22] Was that the end of that relationship?
[17:24] I think one of the reasons that I...
[17:29] I don't want to lie to you.
[17:31] I think one of the reasons that I guess so embarrassed
[17:36] is because I stayed with him for almost like three more months after that.
[17:42] He did.
[17:44] He came to my house.
[17:47] They like pacified me.
[17:50] They said, come.
[17:51] Like one person was like, I know he did this.
[17:53] But you know, he loves you.
[17:55] He was like, babe, we're playing.
[17:59] You know, it was very like...
[18:01] So, I now started to think.
[18:04] Am I overreacting?
[18:05] Yes.
[18:06] You know, because...
[18:07] Did I think...
[18:08] I'm dramatic.
[18:09] So, I was like, okay.
[18:10] Maybe.
[18:11] But also, I knew it was real because...
[18:13] Did it used to beat me at home?
[18:14] So, I know what it is.
[18:16] It is like...
[18:17] Handed the wrong way.
[18:19] Yeah.
[18:21] I went back the last time we ever spoke.
[18:26] I saw something.
[18:28] He was sending me messages, really mean messages.
[18:31] And he was like, oh, I can see you at an event
[18:34] and everybody is screaming your name.
[18:36] Oh, please, you're not special.
[18:37] You're never going to be anything.
[18:38] Come home right now.
[18:39] Live the event right now.
[18:40] And I was at the event and I was getting jittery
[18:43] and I was very uneasy.
[18:44] I was doing interviews for...
[18:46] I wasn't comfortable because I had to get home
[18:48] so I was going to get into trouble.
[18:50] And that day, he was like, come, we need to talk right now.
[18:52] You're not serious.
[18:53] You want to sit down.
[18:54] Look at you.
[18:55] You're...
[18:56] So, it was a movie premiere.
[18:58] I want to say which one.
[19:01] And I started rushing home.
[19:04] I was like, I need to leave.
[19:06] Did you leave before it was over?
[19:08] Of course.
[19:09] Absolutely.
[19:10] So, I left the event.
[19:12] My brother...
[19:14] My...
[19:15] Somebody that's like a brother to me said to me.
[19:17] He said, I can hear all the stuff going on between you
[19:21] and your phone.
[19:22] Like, I can see you on the phone, your hanging up your desk
[19:24] and you're leaving this place early.
[19:25] I don't go to his house.
[19:26] I was like, I need to talk to him.
[19:28] Blah, blah, blah.
[19:29] Because he was really upset.
[19:31] When I was on my way to...
[19:33] His estates.
[19:38] He's...
[19:39] Don't change.
[19:40] Softer.
[19:41] From being angry, he started saying, baby,
[19:44] I'm sorry I shouted.
[19:47] I love you.
[19:48] Come, let's talk.
[19:50] And immediately I saw a flash of myself falling down the stairs
[19:54] and somebody was covering me.
[19:56] And I don't feel today.
[19:58] I'm the most spiritual person.
[20:00] I will never understand what I saw.
[20:02] That's what I saw.
[20:03] And I just took my driver turn around.
[20:06] Turn around.
[20:07] And I went home.
[20:09] If that thing I saw wasn't real,
[20:12] why is it that since that very day I was supposed to come,
[20:15] you said, you love me?
[20:17] Blah, blah, blah.
[20:18] Your tone changed.
[20:19] Till this very second was speaking, if it.
[20:21] You've never messaged each other.
[20:23] That was the last time.
[20:25] There was no good morning, no where are you not thinking.
[20:27] Since that day till today and he's very alive.
[20:30] Till that day till today.
[20:33] That is how we broke up.
[20:35] How does this sport and I mean that in a good way.
[20:39] Yeah.
[20:40] Last child, your father showed you all the love that you wanted.
[20:45] Or you needed.
[20:46] He even wanted, even more than you even needed.
[20:49] Your brother, even till now,
[20:51] spoiled you like crazy.
[20:53] And never have you experienced such whatever.
[20:58] At first.
[20:59] And that was okay.
[21:01] What was going on?
[21:02] What was your rationale?
[21:03] Even now that you have grown,
[21:05] what do you think kept you there?
[21:07] I think that isolation because he was my everything.
[21:10] It was everything.
[21:11] I didn't make a move without asking this person.
[21:14] So, do you understand the person
[21:17] that you're now seeing us home?
[21:19] That's when you eat.
[21:22] That's when you sleep.
[21:23] That's when you know what I mean.
[21:24] This is the person you're going to marry.
[21:26] Something with women.
[21:27] Like when we have these promises in front of us.
[21:30] Like these expectations and we built this dream house.
[21:33] And you're going to be Barbie and Kelly in the dream house.
[21:35] Everything's going to be so perfect.
[21:37] And even till today, I'll be honest.
[21:39] I say I have a headache.
[21:40] They've bought me tickets to go on.
[21:41] Kill my head.
[21:42] To go on.
[21:43] To go on.
[21:44] You know what I'm saying?
[21:45] And I'm sorry to be that girl.
[21:46] No, don't be sorry.
[21:48] That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about.
[21:50] I feel like you're sometimes apologetic
[21:53] for coming from a rich home.
[21:56] Why do you have to feel sorry?
[22:00] Like, just said, I'm sorry I have to be that girl.
[22:02] What girl?
[22:03] The girl that her parents buy tickets for to go on to you?
[22:06] I've been in places where they're spraying money, right?
[22:10] And they're spraying dollars or hundred dollar bills.
[22:12] And when the money is falling, they'll be like,
[22:14] No, no, no, no.
[22:15] No, let's, no, I can't speak to you.
[22:18] No, let's in touch.
[22:19] I'm in Paparich, I beg you.
[22:21] So I've always felt a type of way.
[22:23] People feel like I don't, you know what I mean?
[22:28] Like I don't deserve to enjoy because of what I had.
[22:33] If that makes any sense.
[22:34] Well, it makes sense on Papar.
[22:37] But I mean, in practical, that's not the life that you live.
[22:40] So why should you be sorry?
[22:43] I mean, I'm genuinely interested.
[22:45] And not to put you on the spot,
[22:47] just to let you see from like stand outside of it.
[22:50] And see, why are you sorry?
[22:52] And again, it comes in this small conversation that we have.
[22:55] I'm sorry to be that girl.
[22:57] To be world girl.
[22:58] And join me want to finish me.
[23:00] If I was you.
[23:01] You were, I would say that I just went to Paris last night.
[23:04] I would be showing my enjoyment.
[23:06] It doesn't make me less empathetic or what you're trying to do.
[23:09] I post quarter.
[23:11] Half of my trips are accomplished.
[23:13] Just because you don't want your stories
[23:15] for your privilege.
[23:16] It's too much.
[23:17] Yeah.
[23:18] Yeah.
[23:20] I've the kind of backlash that you receive constantly.
[23:25] Especially about your career.
[23:28] Yeah.
[23:29] So let's embody that as well.
[23:31] Right.
[23:32] When your career is going in this kind of direction
[23:35] and you are, you don't seem to be taking seriously.
[23:39] How do you feel?
[23:42] And how do you let people know how hard you work behind the scene?
[23:47] To be honest.
[23:49] I can't really, so, so our first just break it down like this.
[23:53] When it comes to like relationships
[23:56] because I'm a lover girl, like I'm a hopeless romantic.
[23:59] I'm a bit softer.
[24:00] But with people, I'm not that soft.
[24:02] And I'll tell you why.
[24:04] I think that we all from psychology classes
[24:07] or I'm not an expert was what I think I learned.
[24:10] I think that people think in frames
[24:13] and anything outside of your frame,
[24:15] you can't fully understand.
[24:16] So, for instance, if they tell you
[24:19] this one is bad, this one is bad, this one is bad.
[24:22] You may be like, oh, there's nothing wrong with him.
[24:24] Yeah.
[24:25] Or until it happens close to you.
[24:26] Absolutely.
[24:27] So people think in their frames.
[24:28] Yeah.
[24:29] If you grew up and when you were green
[24:31] or all the women in your life were like,
[24:33] maybe prostitutes or hustlers or whatever,
[24:35] you're going to naturally think that other people are hustling
[24:37] or prostitutes.
[24:38] Like if you're surrounded by stupidity.
[24:40] So you put it before you.
[24:41] You put it before you.
[24:42] Yeah.
[24:43] Everywhere you go.
[24:44] When people assume that stupid or, you know,
[24:49] maybe I'm not that smart or this.
[24:51] So because I like fashion and things like that
[24:54] that I don't have an intellectual side.
[24:56] I know.
[24:57] I live in facts.
[24:59] Have you seen media on TV before?
[25:01] My CV.
[25:02] Talking politics.
[25:03] My CV is hot.
[25:04] Talking science.
[25:05] So what I would have left you feel
[25:07] because there is, it's out there.
[25:09] So this is the thing about feelings.
[25:11] I live in facts.
[25:12] So my CV is facts.
[25:14] When I'm coming from my experiences
[25:16] where I've lived.
[25:17] Absolutely.
[25:18] It's facts.
[25:19] So with people, I feel like they're projecting a lot on me.
[25:23] And I don't mind what they think.
[25:25] It's when they say things to other people
[25:27] and things like that that irritates me a bit.
[25:30] But you can't control it.
[25:32] So you don't mind the backlash.
[25:33] You don't mind the talk, talk, talk.
[25:35] Most people that talk about me don't even know me.
[25:37] How many people actually know me?
[25:39] So it just feels like talking to you.
[25:42] I mean, sometimes we laugh a lot about these things.
[25:45] But how do these conversations?
[25:46] It takes you back to wondering
[25:48] how do you go through all these things?
[25:50] And genuinely heal?
[25:54] Because no matter what we say, distance they take.
[25:57] They hurt.
[25:58] They hurt.
[25:59] I have a strong support system.
[26:01] But I remember back in the days
[26:03] when I first moved to Nigeria.
[26:04] I didn't know anything about it.
[26:05] I would say I didn't know.
[26:07] I thought I was really rich.
[26:08] I did know true.
[26:09] Which is useless.
[26:10] Until I moved to Nigeria.
[26:13] They would write something
[26:14] and I would literally be rolling on the floor crying.
[26:16] Everybody is trying to calm me down.
[26:18] It's just going to be okay.
[26:19] Am I from your thoughts?
[26:20] It's just coming into the family business.
[26:22] Look at you.
[26:23] What do I do?
[26:24] You want to be seen?
[26:26] You are seen.
[26:27] And I would be so emotional all the time.
[26:30] But I think now,
[26:31] because I have a very strong support system,
[26:33] I've been leaning more to them.
[26:35] I've been leaning more to them
[26:37] so that kind of relationship.
[26:38] Maybe, you know,
[26:39] I can be better prepared
[26:41] and sighted from the beginning
[26:43] and cut it off at its roots.
[26:45] I get the words of affirmation
[26:48] from the people that really, really matter.
[26:50] Yes.
[26:51] So everybody else is just dust.
[26:53] Okay.
[26:54] I feel now that you're calmer,
[26:55] because I don't want to go to that other side.
[26:58] Because I don't want that to distract you a little bit.
[27:01] But I want to go back to asking
[27:03] from there
[27:05] to the violence
[27:08] to now,
[27:09] what are the dying healing process being like?
[27:13] Or are you healed?
[27:15] I believe I have.
[27:16] Because I can at least talk about it now.
[27:18] My family didn't find out about it till, like,
[27:21] some weeks ago.
[27:23] Weeks ago.
[27:24] And it happened two years ago.
[27:26] Two and a half years ago.
[27:27] Wow.
[27:28] What happened after that was that
[27:30] I became very hard.
[27:32] Everybody that tried to date me.
[27:34] So shiggy.
[27:36] Like, I became the monster.
[27:39] You know, I became the one that was like
[27:41] gaslighting.
[27:42] And the, you know, I became very, very,
[27:44] and you kind of get to a point where you are even realizing,
[27:47] ah, am I the one?
[27:49] I became that person.
[27:50] And I was just avoiding guys in general,
[27:52] because I didn't want to be treated that way again.
[27:56] Most importantly, I didn't want to be scared of
[27:59] hanging out with my friends or my family and stuff,
[28:01] like that again.
[28:03] So I don't know if I'll call it healing,
[28:05] but the fact that I can actually even talk about it
[28:08] is better.
[28:09] Do you think you're able to talk about it now
[28:11] because you're going therapy?
[28:13] Yeah.
[28:14] Yeah.
[28:15] Possibly.
[28:16] But the therapy even, it just helps me really pinpoint,
[28:20] like, anytime I'm thinking about stuff, I'm like,
[28:23] you know, she tells me to isolate the situation
[28:27] or think, am I making this up in my head
[28:30] or is this actually happening?
[28:32] Am I just generalizing?
[28:33] Or is this an actual problem?
[28:35] And then we realize that we create a lot of problems
[28:37] in our head.
[28:38] Oh, my God.
[28:39] This person looked at me and looked at how it feels
[28:41] like.
[28:42] Oh, she doesn't like it.
[28:43] Yeah.
[28:44] And then I had to start seeing situations for what they are.
[28:46] Now, sometimes it feels like I'm watching my life
[28:48] from the outside of like, nope.
[28:50] Why not doing this?
[28:51] This person doesn't like me.
[28:52] She's the close friend to this person who invited me for dinner.
[28:54] I'm not going.
[28:55] Don't understand because I don't even need the energy.
[28:57] Sometimes it's not what people say.
[28:59] It's what they don't say.
[29:00] And now I just avoid altogether.
[29:04] Yeah.
[29:05] That's what therapy does to you.
[29:06] Therapy allows you to see from the outside.
[29:08] Yeah.
[29:09] And it doesn't give you solutions.
[29:10] It does allow you to see.
[29:12] Yeah.
[29:13] Points out the problem.
[29:14] Yeah.
[29:15] Yeah.
[29:16] Yeah.
[29:17] Yeah.
[29:18] What's, you know, exercises.
[29:19] Because I'm sure you get to exercise.
[29:20] Exercise I've ever done is they told me to write on a sheet of paper
[29:22] and create a circle and inside of that circle
[29:25] writes the names of people that really matter to me.
[29:29] People whose opinions I value.
[29:31] Yeah.
[29:32] It was a nice list.
[29:33] It wasn't long.
[29:34] Yeah.
[29:35] But it was a really nice list.
[29:36] I had to think, okay, why do I value this person's opinion on ACC?
[29:38] Yeah.
[29:39] And they said anybody that I know in this list.
[29:41] Everything they say.
[29:42] Yeah.
[29:43] Doesn't matter.
[29:44] Yeah.
[29:45] So that was one of the nicest things.
[29:46] I also divided my life into like the spiritual ACC career.
[29:50] Yes.
[29:51] And started weighing like what I'm giving more focus to ACC.
[29:55] Mm-hmm.
[29:56] So something bad happens to me.
[29:57] And I'm just it's and I feel like how is she calm?
[30:00] Yeah.
[30:01] Because you have looked at it from outside of yourself.
[30:03] I'm also adult.
[30:04] Yeah.
[30:05] I'm too busy to break down.
[30:08] Yeah.
[30:09] Like I just need to get stuff done.
[30:11] Mm-hmm.
[30:12] And then I come back to it later from an analytical style.
[30:14] How are we going to address this thing?
[30:16] But do you allow yourself to feel it though?
[30:19] I mean, I broke down today.
[30:21] Yeah, today.
[30:22] Today.
[30:23] It's going to not fall.
[30:24] Yeah.
[30:25] It's going to fall out.
[30:26] Do you allow yourself feel?
[30:28] Because even therapy just tells us feel.
[30:30] Yeah.
[30:31] Analyze after.
[30:32] But do not react.
[30:33] I don't know if you're therapy.
[30:34] I get lots in therapy.
[30:35] So she tells us about this emotional intelligence.
[30:37] Yes.
[30:38] That allows you to realize that it's not everything you need to give a reaction.
[30:41] Yeah.
[30:42] And that's been quite helpful.
[30:43] Yeah.
[30:44] It's not everything I want to react to.
[30:46] Yeah.
[30:48] You react to some.
[30:49] Yeah.
[30:50] The deserve that.
[30:51] Colleagues.
[30:52] Some people are going.
[30:53] Because obviously you get to a point where you're even like.
[30:55] I have to say the record street.
[30:57] Like what's going on?
[30:58] I don't do it all the time.
[30:59] Yeah.
[31:00] Because the one time I'm going to do it is going to mean something.
[31:02] Yeah.
[31:03] So yeah.
[31:04] Do you feel like at some point people first I'm glad that we're here.
[31:08] And we're getting to the place where we won't talk about healing for the violence and all of that.
[31:14] I'm not.
[31:16] The truth is I'm not.
[31:18] Not aware of the story.
[31:20] No.
[31:21] Information.
[31:22] But I'm not aware of the story.
[31:23] There are two different things.
[31:24] Right.
[31:25] The violence story.
[31:26] Yes.
[31:27] I'm aware of the information.
[31:28] Not aware of the story.
[31:29] And that's why the way that it happens shocks me so much.
[31:32] Yeah.
[31:33] That's this is what it was.
[31:34] I mean, I don't say this.
[31:35] And I always say when.
[31:36] When people are ready to speak, they will speak.
[31:38] Yeah.
[31:39] But hearing exactly I would up on bothered me a lot.
[31:41] I'm not even going to lie.
[31:42] Yeah.
[31:43] I'm going to take my time to get back into my headspace of genuinely doing the show.
[31:48] Or a podcast.
[31:49] I know you're the one asking the questions, but can I ask you a question?
[31:52] Tell me.
[31:53] Men always say that they want a woman that works that brings something to the table.
[31:58] But then when you're working, it's such a problem.
[32:01] Which is it like which way?
[32:03] For the kind of man.
[32:04] And I think that at the end of the day, that's what I was asking you.
[32:07] Where have we grown from that place to here?
[32:10] Yeah.
[32:11] That place in your life begins to like therapy said, what matters to you?
[32:16] Because when we begin to pick that, we pick the right man.
[32:19] You don't, this doesn't matter to me.
[32:21] They think the legos boy doesn't matter to me.
[32:23] They think people are outside consistently doesn't matter to me.
[32:26] No.
[32:27] Physical fitness.
[32:28] Let me let anybody say power couple doesn't matter to me.
[32:30] Yeah.
[32:31] What matters to me is my happiness.
[32:33] You find that you pick the right guys.
[32:35] Yeah.
[32:36] Yeah.
[32:37] When that when that time comes.
[32:38] Yeah.
[32:39] That's good.
[32:40] Thank you.
[32:41] That helps.
[32:42] Yeah.
[32:43] Yeah.
[32:44] So I'm just trying to get into my back into the headspace.
[32:46] So talking about your career and how far you have come.
[32:50] Do you think you get enough accolades?
[32:52] Do you think you get enough recognition on the work that you've done?
[32:57] Because I know you're going to learn from your play with people like RMD, Konli Remy.
[33:01] Do you feel genuinely that you get the recognition that you want or that you deserve?
[33:08] If I'm being honest.
[33:11] No.
[33:13] I think that a lot of people in our industry in Nollywood definitely don't get the props they deserve.
[33:22] A lot of us work hard.
[33:25] People work hard.
[33:27] But I'll say for myself, I think that I wasn't fully given a chance.
[33:35] I feel like kind of like how Afro beats has blown up.
[33:40] Nollywood has a very huge opportunity.
[33:45] Potential.
[33:46] Opportunity as well.
[33:48] Because it's more than potential now because the actors are there.
[33:53] The writers are there.
[33:55] The technical people are there.
[33:57] The scripts are there.
[33:59] Where we face a challenge is just having everything come together seamlessly.
[34:04] And we also face a challenge that is a general, Nigerian issue.
[34:09] I came into the industry because I was sick and tired.
[34:13] I used to watch Nollywood movies with my dad all the time growing up.
[34:17] So I knew, oh!
[34:21] The movie is growing up.
[34:22] Like we're talking Domitila, Karashika, Livini Bondi, Diamond Ring, all of them.
[34:28] Like when we say all the classics, all intimate strangers, it's easy.
[34:32] I watched everything.
[34:34] Danger zone, wedding, giant lizards, swallow drums.
[34:36] You know why?
[34:37] You know what I watch?
[34:39] I remember that.
[34:40] I watch film.
[34:41] Exactly.
[34:42] I watched films to talk to somebody about a Nigerian film.
[34:46] And the first thing they say is, oh, me, I don't watch Nigerian films.
[34:48] Oh, sorry.
[34:49] I don't watch Nigerian films.
[34:50] You know, in Nigeria, we think it's cool to say we don't eat Nigerian food or we don't do this.
[34:55] Or we don't vacation in Nigeria.
[34:57] Or we don't, you know, it's like, I was like, no.
[35:00] And a banker once told me, when Nekka came out,
[35:04] a lot of really, really prominent people sent me messages.
[35:08] I got messages like, before they drugged me now, they said they broke.
[35:11] Let me just keep quiet.
[35:12] I got messages that if you're in this industry,
[35:16] we're going to watch these films because there's something there.
[35:20] And I was motivated.
[35:22] I wanted to make films that people from the diaspora,
[35:27] people in corporate, because I was in corporate,
[35:29] ATS in corporate America, people that just have sense,
[35:33] I want to watch good, well-developed stories, want to watch.
[35:37] I was like, I'm going to make films.
[35:39] And I'm going to be in films that these people appreciate.
[35:42] And that's why I came into the industry.
[35:45] And I was so sick and tired of people saying,
[35:48] I've seen my colleagues, I don't even work half as hard.
[35:53] I've seen my colleagues work hard, if they're my god.
[35:57] June is done.
[35:58] I've seen some really talented people.
[36:00] And they've done nothing wrong, except that they're in an industry
[36:03] that doesn't pay them the respect they deserve.
[36:05] You see somebody talking about, I don't want to use, like,
[36:07] a Kool-Aid Remy or Daniel F. Young or whoever.
[36:10] And they'll be like, yeah, but it's just an act.
[36:12] So I was like, what?
[36:13] Excuse me.
[36:14] Many of the American actors that you all talk about,
[36:16] they're cuter than them.
[36:17] What are you?
[36:18] Like Jonathan, but because in Nigeria, I want to play down plates.
[36:21] Give me a break.
[36:22] Jonathan, we think that this in Nigeria is cool.
[36:25] And look at the way Afrobeats blew up.
[36:27] Now they're respecting them outside.
[36:29] And now we're saying, oh, they are not nice to us.
[36:31] Why should they be nice to you?
[36:33] Why should they be nice to you when you were never nice to them?
[36:35] Jonathan, the fans make the people.
[36:37] Don't get me wrong.
[36:38] You can't be anybody if you don't go to the cinema
[36:41] to watch your movie, ETC.
[36:43] But we need to know, make people feel like nonsense.
[36:47] So is that how it felt?
[36:49] I feel like I could be doing anything in the world.
[36:53] And I would be very successful.
[36:54] What did you choose?
[36:55] Oh, yes.
[36:56] It was a very, very, like, it was a decision.
[36:59] I could be in a, like, it's the decision.
[37:02] So who did not give you a chance?
[37:04] I feel like there were comments, you know,
[37:07] I've been on a set before.
[37:08] And an actress said something like, why are they always giving
[37:10] this girl lead rule or giving her an opportunity
[37:12] to that rich man bikini?
[37:13] You know, I've, I've, there's comments
[37:15] or people call me to negotiate my fees.
[37:17] And they're like, oh, but you don't need the money.
[37:19] How do you call me to talk about a professional job?
[37:22] And you're telling me, I don't need the money, you know?
[37:25] Or, um, you open a charity fund.
[37:29] You should know that.
[37:30] So it's my time.
[37:31] No, it's my time.
[37:32] It's charity, you know?
[37:33] And I think so I had an accident last year.
[37:36] Yes.
[37:37] And I think there was a little bit of, like a glimmer of hope.
[37:41] I was like, okay, wow, people, they love I felt.
[37:44] I was like, okay.
[37:46] People care if I live or die.
[37:47] That was nice.
[37:49] Um, because I thought I was going to die.
[37:51] Yeah.
[37:52] Um, but it's not enough.
[37:55] We shouldn't only recognize people and celebrate them when we,
[37:58] when they're dead.
[37:59] When they're dead.
[38:00] People deserve more.
[38:03] Our content creators, our, our actors, our movie makers.
[38:07] Like, just, just appreciate people.
[38:10] Like, if, if Nigerians make a movie, I'm not saying that all Nigerian films are the best.
[38:14] But I'm saying, these people that make these films,
[38:17] and I, in this film, they have friends.
[38:19] So put your friends.
[38:20] Do you know what I mean?
[38:21] So put your friends.
[38:22] And even you that made the movie, don't talk nonsense about the viewer.
[38:25] I just did it.
[38:26] So, you know, I'm just talented.
[38:27] I just, because, you know, I can actually be embarrassed if you could be like,
[38:31] you know, and yeah, but there's, there's, yeah.
[38:36] So you thought you're not giving a chance.
[38:38] The time that you had this accident, and you actually broke,
[38:43] it's not like, you're not spring.
[38:45] You broke my neck.
[38:46] You broke my neck.
[38:47] You broke my neck.
[38:48] Your legs and three sides.
[38:49] Side from.
[38:50] Yes.
[38:51] Um, did you feel at that point, like, because your,
[38:55] all thought is, how do I go back to work?
[38:57] Do I ever go back to work?
[38:59] Was your sense of self still together at the time?
[39:05] If I had that accident, I was quiet for a long time.
[39:11] The accident happened July 6th.
[39:13] I didn't start posting until September.
[39:16] And first of all, this is because they had told us things like,
[39:20] in the hospital, in the UK, because I was treated in Croatia.
[39:24] The surgery was done, obviously, immediately.
[39:26] Otherwise, you start having conversations or whether the person
[39:28] will actually ever walk because they have to place everything
[39:31] exactly.
[39:32] And you have to be careful of infections.
[39:34] The longer it stays, it was exposed, blah, blah, blah.
[39:37] So we had the surgery done in Croatia in the UK.
[39:40] The man had to say to my family, he said, your sister's
[39:44] very strong.
[39:45] And she said, oh, I know, blah, blah.
[39:46] And he said, no, you don't understand.
[39:48] She's in a lot of pain.
[39:50] And she's making jokes and she's smiling.
[39:52] And every time people would come to see me, I was making people laugh.
[39:55] And I was very, you know, I would be just saying, I was, yeah.
[39:58] I was, you've reached a peak of pain.
[40:02] Where you can't feel pain anymore.
[40:05] And I think more than the therapy and my past experiences,
[40:08] I think that I am functioning now.
[40:10] I'm working very hard.
[40:11] But I think I'm functioning now, nor really breaking down
[40:15] as much as a result of the peak of pain I felt,
[40:20] from that accident I'm losing my dad.
[40:22] It's kind of like, one more.
[40:25] Yeah.
[40:26] God, please, I didn't say she showed me what's going to stop.
[40:28] I just, this is a lot of time.
[40:30] But I have seen pain.
[40:35] If it was pain.
[40:37] I thought, first of all, you think you're going to die because
[40:40] obviously I was.
[40:41] And then the second part is all this scary, you know,
[40:45] Dr. Zah, the guy said, your sister is in a lot of pain.
[40:48] She had the worst kind of fracture.
[40:52] And this girl, before she walks properly again,
[40:54] it's going to take two to three years.
[40:56] When he said that, I said, that's it.
[40:59] I already knew I was going to be.
[41:02] I already knew that people would pity me,
[41:05] which is one thing I do not like ever once.
[41:09] I already knew that.
[41:10] So I had three films.
[41:11] I had audition for one film.
[41:13] In the audition, I saw the people on their phones.
[41:16] I was like, my God, my God, what's going on?
[41:18] My manager told me, they just messaged me to say,
[41:22] the idea is so good.
[41:23] She has grown as an actor.
[41:25] When I say I'm on my A game,
[41:27] if I'm like a plus, plus, plus, plus.
[41:29] I'm not saying anybody right now.
[41:31] Say.
[41:32] And there's no room to play anymore in my life.
[41:34] So because this is the sink or swim season, right?
[41:37] And I landed all these roles.
[41:39] I'm supposed to shoot in the Niger Delta here, here, here.
[41:42] I had a campaign and endorsement to sign.
[41:45] And I can't walk.
[41:47] I can't tell the stakeholders in my life,
[41:51] the people giving me money that see these deals that we've talked about.
[41:56] I can't.
[41:57] It can't happen.
[41:59] Yeah.
[42:00] So I was quiet for days, weeks.
[42:04] In the sense that I would joke with people,
[42:06] but when everybody was talking about a prayer,
[42:07] NSPPD, well, I raised an altar for you with that.
[42:10] I was just scared.
[42:11] I was waiting.
[42:12] And I think, you know that hope is still another that I'm good.
[42:16] I wanted to, I was waiting for God to play his hand.
[42:19] I couldn't shower myself.
[42:21] I couldn't eat myself.
[42:23] Yeah.
[42:29] It's okay. It's gone now.
[42:31] And people would make comments like,
[42:33] it's not just like break.
[42:35] My uncle broke his leg.
[42:36] It's the time working with you.
[42:37] What?
[42:38] Really?
[42:39] You're all uncle.
[42:40] Niger always have his story of what happened.
[42:42] I know what uncle like that.
[42:44] I don't want to cause it.
[42:45] Don't worry.
[42:46] And some people would shout at me,
[42:47] get off, walk.
[42:48] You know, think that, get off, be there, walk.
[42:50] I said, I was doing it intentionally.
[42:53] Yeah.
[42:54] And that really hurt me because I wasn't a little like,
[42:58] the leg was not,
[43:00] it couldn't even touch the floor.
[43:02] Yeah.
[43:03] It couldn't even touch the floor.
[43:05] I was frustrated.
[43:06] So who were you that time?
[43:08] In that period.
[43:09] Who was idiot?
[43:10] Because that's what I said.
[43:11] The sense of self,
[43:12] of walking, walking, taking pictures,
[43:14] dressing up,
[43:15] doing all those acting.
[43:17] You couldn't do all of those things.
[43:18] And you were never sure that it could happen.
[43:20] So when all of those things felt like they were taking away from you.
[43:23] Who were you then?
[43:25] Ah.
[43:26] I think, I think the real idea came to play
[43:30] because the foundation, like the basics,
[43:33] like everything was not evidence.
[43:35] You see this, my support system that takes the vaccines,
[43:38] they're not out there.
[43:39] So people insult me.
[43:40] They're like, let's go and arrest them.
[43:43] They're very quiet.
[43:44] So my family is very chill.
[43:45] But the way they came through for me,
[43:48] the way they were with me every day,
[43:50] their kids, you know, their in-laws,
[43:53] like my family,
[43:54] ah, people living their jobs as MDs of companies
[43:58] to come and be taking me to hospital appointments,
[44:00] they were there.
[44:01] Like when I say they were there,
[44:02] then when I say followers,
[44:04] people that I've never met, that I don't know,
[44:06] idiot, what do you need?
[44:07] Idiot, send a jacket on me.
[44:08] And the flower, I love flowers.
[44:10] The flowers, I feel like I finally,
[44:12] I feel like no matter what happens to me,
[44:14] I got my flowers.
[44:16] Like I got my flowers in that period.
[44:19] And that was one of the most beautiful,
[44:22] what do you say?
[44:24] Like the most beautiful things that transpired
[44:26] out of that horrible incident point.
[44:29] In that period, I was just somebody that needed love.
[44:32] I was somebody that I didn't actually know every day.
[44:37] When I was having conversations with people like,
[44:40] oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[44:42] Sorry, I'm just abroad.
[44:43] I'll call you back.
[44:44] Because at first, I was doing a straight month of lying.
[44:46] I'm okay.
[44:48] No, that's I mean, you know,
[44:49] they didn't even know my leg was broken.
[44:50] Because it was like,
[44:52] you can't be that girl that the last image they see
[44:55] is a wheelchair or, you know,
[44:57] eventually the crutches.
[44:59] So I was trying to keep it on their wraps.
[45:02] I had a movie coming out and the pressure was,
[45:05] you need to post the film.
[45:06] You need to post the film.
[45:07] Not even the post.
[45:08] I now said, okay, you know what?
[45:10] Let people know where I've been for the last couple of months.
[45:12] And I posted the video thing.
[45:14] And that was how I now was able to post the film.
[45:17] But anyway, you said at the time you were a girl that
[45:21] needed love.
[45:22] And there were some people that showed it.
[45:25] There were some people that showed their witchcraft.
[45:27] There were different kinds of people.
[45:29] You trust me when you're down.
[45:31] Like if you lose somebody very important to you.
[45:33] Or if something really bad happens to you,
[45:35] I'm sorry, it wouldn't matter maybe
[45:38] what you would see everything.
[45:40] It was like I was watching life in 3D.
[45:42] There were people that maybe they didn't come.
[45:44] And I gave them grace because based on what I had gone through,
[45:47] or more, I realized that people are going through stuff.
[45:50] Yeah.
[45:51] But then the second part of it was now like,
[45:53] there were people that made the witchcraft so evidence.
[45:57] Like, they were very bent on me knowing
[45:59] that I'm not going to see you out if you die.
[46:01] And that was also there.
[46:03] But how can it be that serious?
[46:05] It is that serious for some people who don't like you.
[46:07] If you like it too bright, get out of the way.
[46:11] Did you receive the love that you felt you
[46:15] wanted at the time?
[46:17] I mean, you said that I love it because you called.
[46:19] Or you made a lot of people called.
[46:21] And it wasn't a one thing.
[46:23] This was now everything that happened that period was in need.
[46:27] I needed all the prayers, all the encouragement.
[46:31] And that period...
[46:33] You got what matter, though.
[46:35] I needed and I was fed.
[46:37] I was filled.
[46:39] It was nice.
[46:41] A lot of stuff.
[46:43] There is a thing that I...
[46:45] comes to my mind.
[46:47] You know, once it goes on, just goes on.
[46:49] But it does happen.
[46:51] You know, when I look at you and I ask myself,
[46:55] is she ever, at any point,
[46:59] going to be her true self?
[47:03] Okay.
[47:05] Because do you understand what I'm trying to say?
[47:07] Continue.
[47:09] So the world, because there's a lot of hiding
[47:11] and not in the battery.
[47:13] I don't want you to talk about me like this.
[47:15] I don't want to be perceived like me that way.
[47:17] You know, and in this way that you have...
[47:19] What you have got to show is still is not...
[47:21] it's not for many people.
[47:23] Like, oh, she's a rich girl, she did this.
[47:25] And what points do you think that
[47:27] all of myself that I can be?
[47:29] Of course, not my private life, but you know what I'm saying?
[47:31] If somebody says,
[47:33] what does Idea stand for today?
[47:35] Do you realize that many people may not know?
[47:37] Just because you are...
[47:39] You're only showing... please, please.
[47:41] This is what I wanted to see.
[47:43] The rest of my life.
[47:45] I'm holding back.
[47:47] But you know the truth about it.
[47:49] Sometimes, what we think is not enough.
[47:51] It's just us admitting to ourselves that someone is not our cup of tea.
[47:55] I'm champagne.
[47:57] No, we know you're champagne.
[47:59] No, no, let me explain.
[48:01] Everything you think I'm not giving or I'm not this...
[48:03] I'm not really a shy person.
[48:05] You are.
[48:07] Maybe I'm not saying that.
[48:09] You're not saying to me.
[48:11] That's not true.
[48:13] Really shy.
[48:15] Entertainment.
[48:17] To try and come out.
[48:19] When I was younger, sometimes I couldn't talk.
[48:21] Really?
[48:23] Yes, I used journalism to harness my voice.
[48:25] I would have to hear somebody else tell me that.
[48:27] Oh, really?
[48:29] I have family. I have people that can come.
[48:31] I was... I'm the kind of person that I can't talk to.
[48:33] I'll be dancing with you.
[48:35] Yeah.
[48:37] I was like...
[48:39] Dance has finished.
[48:41] Yeah.
[48:43] Oh.
[48:45] My yash is outside.
[48:47] Really?
[48:49] Yes, but it's inside.
[48:51] Too much.
[48:53] Yes.
[48:55] So, whatever they want from me that they're not dancing,
[48:57] they should please watch.
[48:59] No, I don't care about them.
[49:01] No, I'm just saying that.
[49:03] This is a lot.
[49:05] This is a lot of self-sacrifice answer.
[49:07] So, you'd rather live on the private.
[49:09] Eh?
[49:11] Yeah.
[49:13] She is the one person I'm truly jealous of.
[49:15] Because she knows...
[49:17] She's protected everything.
[49:19] It's not the protection.
[49:21] She has a full life.
[49:23] Rich life. People that love her.
[49:25] She has...
[49:27] When I say everything,
[49:29] she has everything.
[49:31] Or you get six pictures.
[49:33] Deal with it.
[49:35] You know what I mean?
[49:37] That's a revelation to me.
[49:39] When I say a guy that tells me he doesn't have social media.
[49:41] He loves it.
[49:43] There's almost of my boyfriend's.
[49:45] Except for two unfortunate ones.
[49:47] Most of the people I've dated,
[49:49] they don't have social media at all.
[49:51] They don't...
[49:53] Like, why? If you got it, you got it.
[49:55] You understand?
[49:57] They don't...
[49:59] I don't do chat, chat, chat, chat, people.
[50:01] Yeah.
[50:03] I'm shocked about that.
[50:05] Any kind of actually changes, you know,
[50:07] because maybe what I know, I'm like...
[50:09] Yeah, no.
[50:11] Like, speak the way you speak, speak the way I'm here
[50:13] and that you rather have not shown all of those things at all.
[50:15] Every day, I'm trying to delete from my page.
[50:17] But I'm like, this one was an influence I could love.
[50:19] This one, I can't delete.
[50:21] I trimmed my page down.
[50:23] I think now I have just 8,000 posts.
[50:25] I should have like...
[50:27] I have 7,000 archived pictures.
[50:29] Yes.
[50:31] But I don't want everything there.
[50:33] And from that thousand,
[50:35] 200.
[50:37] Maybe I just see here and there,
[50:39] you want to put them to me.
[50:41] Yeah, I guess, but me, you know?
[50:43] Yeah.
[50:45] I feel like I've shown too much, I've given too much.
[50:47] And I'm ready to take it back.
[50:49] Well, everybody has the right to do that.
[50:51] That's the little shocking for me.
[50:53] That's like, wait, what?
[50:55] I know. But that's fine with me.
[50:57] Because really, what you show is what you should want to show.
[50:59] What I thought I knew about your experience,
[51:01] you know, with violence.
[51:03] Not having heard the story at all.
[51:05] Just an information.
[51:07] And so I brought this story to you because it's important to me
[51:09] that you guys see people like Edia,
[51:13] who have traveled all the way.
[51:15] You think it's completely perfect
[51:17] that they come and say,
[51:19] I have been through this.
[51:21] This is what I did.
[51:23] And all of that.
[51:25] You may have asked some of my questions on this story.
[51:27] But I know that there is more.
[51:29] And I would like to read the story to you and to the viewers.
[51:31] Let's take a pledge.
[51:33] You ready?
[51:35] So many women are told that they're careful
[51:37] about the kind of skin care products
[51:39] they put on their body when they are pregnant.
[51:41] The danglice out of the blue gets out.
[51:43] Oh, got you.
[51:45] It's to help you reduce pigmentation on your stomach,
[51:47] your arm, your neck.
[51:49] And it's to help you reduce stretch marks as well.
[51:51] It has vitamin C,
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[51:55] All of this will help you reduce pigmentation.
[51:57] Like most of the pigments are told that they want to do it.
[51:59] Use this code to get 10% off
[52:01] on danglice.com.
[52:03] Let's go.
[52:05] I.
[52:07] I.
[52:09] You fed that.
[52:11] You fed that.
[52:13] You fed that.
[52:15] You fed that.
[52:17] You fed that.
[52:19] You fed that.
[52:21] You fed that.
[52:23] You fed that.
[52:25] You fed that.
[52:27] You fed that.
[52:29] You fed that.
[52:31] You fed that.
[52:33] You fed that.
[52:35] You fed that.
[52:37] You fed that.
[52:39] You fed that.
[52:41] You fed that.
[52:43] You fed that.
[52:45] You fed that.
[52:47] You fed that.
[52:49] You fed that.
[52:51] You fed that.
[52:53] You fed that.
[52:55] You fed that.
[52:57] You fed that.
[52:59] You fed that.
[53:01] You fed that.
[53:03] You fed that.
[53:05] You fed that.
[53:07] You fed that.
[53:09] You fed that.
[53:11] You fed that.
[53:13] You fed that.
[53:15] You fed that.
[53:17] You fed that.
[53:19] You fed that.
[53:21] You fed that.
[53:23] And since he's a British citizen, he's been asking for us to get married so that I won't stress about sponsorship et cetera.
[53:33] He has proposed twice and I've asked him to wait that I'm not ready. The reason is because of his anger issues.
[53:39] He has made life easy for me. I live in London like a queen and I don't have to doubt that he cares about me.
[53:46] He hit me first on our six months anniversary because he made plans and I forgot.
[53:51] It's a long story but there was nothing he didn't do to win my heart back.
[53:56] But since then we have been happy with the exception of when he gets angry and lashes out at me.
[54:02] The beating isn't anything that would send me to the hospital or leave marks or anything.
[54:07] It's fair all I'm saying is that I love this man. He's a good person but I want him to change before I accept his proposal.
[54:17] Is there something I can do to help him that I haven't thought of?
[54:23] Please advise me and connect me to someone who can help if you can. I love you.
[54:29] I'm connecting you. Somebody was going through it. That's what I'm doing.
[54:34] I'm not connecting somebody. Yes, in fact, I was already who can help.
[54:38] But somebody who has also been through it. That's who I'm connecting you to.
[54:42] So I asked you initially why do you remain rationalized these things?
[54:47] In her case, why is she rationalizing this? It's a good man. It's all of those things.
[54:53] So first of all, this is somebody that wants to give her papers in the UK.
[54:59] Yes. So obviously, she's there. I don't want to guess her visa.
[55:05] But it's not about sponsorship. No, it's legally.
[55:08] She's talking about sponsorships. Maybe she wants to stay there permanently.
[55:12] Yes. So if she's not with this person, that's jeopardized.
[55:16] The only other way to get it would be through a company and for a certain amount of years, exactly.
[55:23] So there are benefits to being with this person, right?
[55:29] She started the story with saying that he's a very caring, which is how much.
[55:35] I would say survival. Survival, not victims.
[55:39] Most people talk about those partners because they've, they condition you.
[55:45] I don't want to say they groom you, but they condition you.
[55:48] Actually, they groom you because first, like I said, he made me alienate people around me.
[55:53] He made me, June stand. He made me dependent on him.
[55:56] He caught off my sources of income. He was doing like step by step.
[56:00] He was cutting off anything that would make me feel I was independent.
[56:04] So this lady is in a situation where she's quite dependent on this person.
[56:08] He gives her the impression that he's protecting her, that he deeply cares about her.
[56:14] And sometimes it's very hard to recognize when you're almost like, I don't want to say trophy property.
[56:24] When somebody is starting to own you, because if you leave them, what next?
[56:32] It becomes harder, exactly. It becomes harder to leave them.
[56:36] If you notice many of these people, they will never give you money.
[56:39] They will want to buy the thing or do it.
[56:41] No, they don't want to pay you. They can buy your car.
[56:44] They don't want to give you that money in your hand, never.
[56:46] Yes, of course. Any bag, anything you want, any property.
[56:51] They will give you the property in their own name.
[56:53] You know things, absolutely. They're people like that.
[56:56] And half the time. So if you try to leave them, you're now fighting to start changing the name of documents,
[57:01] which is impossible. It's not shows. Things like that.
[57:04] So they put you in a very tight corner.
[57:06] And then also because naturally as human beings, I don't want to say what quite greedy.
[57:11] I'm finding all the wrong words right now, but because naturally as human beings were creatures of habits,
[57:16] we're already used to a certain standard somebody's put you on.
[57:20] So now say that everything is just going to be gone like that overnight.
[57:24] And you're not going to be, and then the idea they've given you is that you're not going to be able to find somebody like that.
[57:31] That would do all those things again, or even for yourself certain opportunities and doors have closed.
[57:36] So where do you start from?
[57:38] Do you understand?
[57:40] But the situation is not.
[57:45] I don't want to mind happen once because violence is violence.
[57:48] Well, this is a repeated thing exactly.
[57:52] And it may not be worse now because the predator still hasn't gotten one thing they want,
[57:58] which is full ownership, you to marry them.
[58:02] Once you take that step, it's not the question it will get.
[58:05] That's when it will graduate. For now, it's just most more between.
[58:08] Like, oh, I'm just angry. That's why I lost out.
[58:11] You marry this person. It will be worse than that.
[58:14] Yeah, definitely. So this is not love. It's greed.
[58:17] She says she loves him.
[58:20] And you're saying it's not love. It's greed.
[58:23] It's almost like sometimes dependence, sometimes comfort.
[58:28] You know, there are so many human emotions that because of the benefits,
[58:34] we think it's love.
[58:36] Wouldn't anybody want to wake up and feel safe?
[58:40] Wouldn't anybody want to wake up and know that there was somebody that...
[58:44] I don't want to say that they can predict.
[58:46] But somebody that you know no matter what happens,
[58:48] they have your best interest in hearts.
[58:50] Anybody heating you doesn't have your best interest in hearts.
[58:52] Let's call it what it is, you know.
[58:54] And yes, love does have great areas, but what's his body's body?
[59:00] Yeah, and beaten is bad.
[59:03] And what she said about...
[59:06] It's not too much. Is there a step into the hospital?
[59:10] I was a bit like...
[59:14] Yeah.
[59:15] Because it's that thing where the person also tries to make you feel like
[59:19] it's not that serious, like what you just experienced, not that bad.
[59:22] Yeah.
[59:23] And those are the ones you need to be careful of.
[59:25] I've not been to lots of meetings.
[59:27] There's even conditioning, see that.
[59:29] Oh, you know, it's just my temper.
[59:31] Like this is the only thing wrong with me.
[59:33] If he himself has even proposed to you twice,
[59:36] and you haven't been able to accept it.
[59:38] You know what's wrong.
[59:41] You see the problem, you just don't want to.
[59:43] Do you think that somebody who hits you once can change
[59:47] and never hits you again?
[59:48] Personally, honestly, I would say yes.
[59:52] This is because I have done certain things before
[59:56] that I would never do again.
[59:59] Never.
[1:00:00] And there are some people that you do some things
[1:00:03] and then you realize, I don't want to be that person.
[1:00:06] I don't want to make the same mistakes that, you know,
[1:00:08] maybe I've seen somewhere or whatever.
[1:00:10] You do some things and you're like, I can't believe that.
[1:00:12] That was, the things that people do that are out of character.
[1:00:14] Yeah.
[1:00:15] You know what I mean?
[1:00:16] And there are also things people do that when they lose something important to them,
[1:00:18] they're like, I don't want to ever lose that.
[1:00:21] So I have to sit up.
[1:00:22] Exactly.
[1:00:23] So I do think sometimes it can be once, but this person,
[1:00:27] this is this is this.
[1:00:28] It's not once.
[1:00:29] But what's in your series here?
[1:00:30] This is it.
[1:00:31] It's not once.
[1:00:32] This is in four.
[1:00:33] Are you having had your family or had people around,
[1:00:37] like, run back to you?
[1:00:39] Do you think that in this kind of situations,
[1:00:42] when you don't have people to run back to?
[1:00:45] It's harder.
[1:00:46] It's harder for you to live.
[1:00:48] Absolutely.
[1:00:49] Because even at the end of the day, his house was here.
[1:00:53] My house was down the road.
[1:00:54] Junstan, imagine if I was fully living with that person.
[1:00:57] It's different now.
[1:00:58] But even think about the fact that I couldn't call anybody at that time
[1:01:01] because we're so random because I was already avoiding them.
[1:01:04] I was actually avoiding.
[1:01:06] They are calling me.
[1:01:07] I'm not picking because he's telling me,
[1:01:09] ah, your daddy has died.
[1:01:10] People will turn on you.
[1:01:11] You know, you're the last one.
[1:01:13] You're going to get the least.
[1:01:14] You know those kind of conversations or somebody whispering in your ear.
[1:01:17] Look at it.
[1:01:18] Well, you know, supposed to get, you know those kind of things.
[1:01:21] And luckily, we're raising so much love there.
[1:01:24] At the time, I was like, I never thought about that.
[1:01:26] I'm not a, as much as I seem like I really like the high life.
[1:01:29] When I love people, monies are the last thing.
[1:01:33] Yeah, it's you.
[1:01:35] It's me and you.
[1:01:36] So I was not thinking about that with my family or anything.
[1:01:39] But with this situation,
[1:01:42] if I wasn't even in a situation where I had a family to fall back on,
[1:01:47] or I had the kind of job I have,
[1:01:50] today you wake up and start posting again.
[1:01:52] You start hiring.
[1:01:53] Junstan, you just have to say,
[1:01:55] I'm ready now.
[1:01:56] Back on my grind, everybody too is like, she's back.
[1:01:59] The compacts are easy.
[1:02:00] But imagine if you're in a 9 to 5,
[1:02:02] or you are abroad.
[1:02:04] And your dependence,
[1:02:06] your dependence on the fact that you need that job to stay abroad.
[1:02:09] And things like that.
[1:02:10] Your life goes back to square one.
[1:02:12] But I would always say choose your life.
[1:02:14] Because it doesn't matter if you get to stay abroad if you're still going to die.
[1:02:17] Yeah.
[1:02:18] Yeah, true.
[1:02:20] So in this instance, based on what you said,
[1:02:23] one person, somebody can hit you once,
[1:02:25] and not ever do it again.
[1:02:27] Absolutely.
[1:02:28] And if they ask for help,
[1:02:29] should you stay there to help them?
[1:02:31] Or help them from afar?
[1:02:35] Hmm.
[1:02:37] I don't think I'm very qualified to...
[1:02:40] So I've been in a situation where somebody cheated on me.
[1:02:44] And the girl was screaming and crying.
[1:02:48] And she was saying,
[1:02:50] can it be the one?
[1:02:51] Is it because her family is this that you're choosing her?
[1:02:54] And the guy was like,
[1:02:55] no, everybody knows that it is my girlfriend.
[1:02:57] I was just...
[1:02:58] And when he said that to her,
[1:03:00] he confirmed that they were actually sleeping together.
[1:03:02] So me, I lost it.
[1:03:04] And I've never told the story to...
[1:03:07] maybe no more than my shadow and my best friend.
[1:03:10] The first thing I did through my phone, I broke the lights.
[1:03:13] When the lights went out, I rushed in.
[1:03:17] And I think it was the most horrible thing I've ever done.
[1:03:20] Because guess what?
[1:03:21] We say men shouldn't do this, men shouldn't do that.
[1:03:23] But it was almost a double standard.
[1:03:25] Why as a woman, is it okay for me to lose my temper and do that?
[1:03:29] And then I'm saying, you know,
[1:03:31] I felt like the lowest,
[1:03:34] the worst kind of human being.
[1:03:36] And if I am not on that level,
[1:03:39] if I'm in a situation where you told me,
[1:03:42] or something, something,
[1:03:44] before you can even say, babe, this is what I've gone.
[1:03:47] Yeah, yeah, this appeared.
[1:03:49] I will not do that.
[1:03:51] I will never be in a position where I have to
[1:03:54] to be that low in my life.
[1:03:57] And it's like, it's never.
[1:04:00] And that's what I feel.
[1:04:02] It can happen once and not again.
[1:04:04] You have to be intentional about change.
[1:04:07] And it's so out of character.
[1:04:09] I'm not even that person.
[1:04:12] One time.
[1:04:14] My question is,
[1:04:15] do you want a challenge to help or help from afar?
[1:04:19] You know, people's situations are different.
[1:04:22] So...
[1:04:25] Or situations are very people, I'm sorry.
[1:04:28] In our own situation,
[1:04:31] I do think that automations are not bad.
[1:04:34] People say that automations are bad.
[1:04:36] But I feel like if he wants you that much,
[1:04:39] unless you get therapy,
[1:04:41] I'm not going to give you a second chance.
[1:04:43] I'm here for moral support,
[1:04:45] but unless you start seeing somebody
[1:04:47] and talking to somebody,
[1:04:49] I'm not going to know if you're actually willing to do the work.
[1:04:52] To change is no.
[1:04:54] So to do the work, to change.
[1:04:57] And some people really do the work.
[1:04:59] Some people pretend to change.
[1:05:01] But you know it's fake,
[1:05:03] because if you didn't do the work,
[1:05:04] like how did you just say,
[1:05:05] oh, I'm not going to do the work.
[1:05:08] It's a shame thing.
[1:05:10] It's where I cannot believe I did this.
[1:05:13] This is why I did this.
[1:05:15] This is why I shouldn't do this.
[1:05:17] And I can never be in this kind of situation again.
[1:05:20] So even when there are triggers,
[1:05:22] maybe he'll go downstairs instead of staying upstairs
[1:05:24] where the argument is happening.
[1:05:26] Or maybe he'll say, babe, please,
[1:05:28] just give me a moment.
[1:05:29] And he'll walk into the bedroom instead.
[1:05:31] And you know, there's ways together.
[1:05:34] I understand that.
[1:05:36] For me, this is too much.
[1:05:38] Each of you asked me,
[1:05:39] because this story is very new.
[1:05:41] And as soon as I saw it,
[1:05:42] I said, oh my god,
[1:05:43] I need to talk about this.
[1:05:45] That's the first thing that came to my mind.
[1:05:47] You know, I didn't even know the storyboards.
[1:05:49] The story in full was it.
[1:05:51] If he has gone through this,
[1:05:52] I need her to talk about this.
[1:05:54] For me, I believe very strongly that
[1:05:56] this kind of situation is not where you should stay after all.
[1:06:02] I'm very disliked because YouTube would ban me
[1:06:06] if I used the other word.
[1:06:07] But I dislike violence that you hit me at one time.
[1:06:12] You could do it again, right?
[1:06:14] And if you come to me and say,
[1:06:16] well, I'm not going to do it again.
[1:06:18] Go far and show me that you're not going to do it again.
[1:06:21] I don't think me being in your life.
[1:06:23] And I don't think this lady being in this guy's life
[1:06:26] is going to make him change.
[1:06:28] I feel like we all want what we want.
[1:06:30] And we men will sometimes stay just because of what we want.
[1:06:34] You know, what is good for us or what is good for the relationship.
[1:06:39] But we stay for ourselves.
[1:06:41] In this case, I think that lady you're staying for the things that you want.
[1:06:44] From this man, I am not thinking that you will not end up in hospital today.
[1:06:49] Maybe the more it may be, the more it says,
[1:06:54] think about it.
[1:06:56] Violence is non-negotiable.
[1:06:58] I don't think we should negotiate that in a relationship.
[1:07:01] And once it happens, you need to see.
[1:07:03] Even you as yourself, as India said,
[1:07:05] I did it once.
[1:07:06] I thought about myself.
[1:07:07] You have to wonder if this person that made me do this.
[1:07:09] That's I shouldn't be.
[1:07:11] Yes.
[1:07:12] So like in this relationship, I should get help from myself.
[1:07:14] But whatever it means,
[1:07:17] that this thing was brought out of me,
[1:07:19] it needs to be cut off.
[1:07:20] It was not inside me.
[1:07:22] I was very young, please.
[1:07:25] Whatever I did, I made me do this.
[1:07:27] And joke society needs to be cut off.
[1:07:31] Because you don't need that energy around you.
[1:07:33] So I hope that you're watching.
[1:07:35] I know that you are.
[1:07:36] That I don't dank member.
[1:07:39] That this is not where you should be.
[1:07:41] There is no excuse.
[1:07:42] There is no love.
[1:07:43] That is enough.
[1:07:44] That will cause you, you know, hurt physically, emotionally.
[1:07:49] In this case, it's causing you even yourself worth.
[1:07:53] And I can see very clearly from your writing.
[1:07:56] You are not a rehabilitation center for procurement.
[1:07:59] No, you are not.
[1:08:00] Think about that.
[1:08:02] Before we go and I record this story for you,
[1:08:04] I have a gift for India.
[1:08:06] Really?
[1:08:07] I love gifts.
[1:08:08] That's my love language.
[1:08:10] Now we're talking.
[1:08:11] Now we're talking.
[1:08:16] Thank you.
[1:08:17] You're welcome.
[1:08:19] Of course.
[1:08:21] From the people I've done lifestyle.
[1:08:24] We are giving you this for coming on the show.
[1:08:27] Not one.
[1:08:28] Yes.
[1:08:29] But two.
[1:08:30] Two honey.
[1:08:32] Yes.
[1:08:33] I love this.
[1:08:34] Thank you so much.
[1:08:35] You're welcome.
[1:08:36] Thank you.
[1:08:37] I appreciate you.
[1:08:38] Thank you.
[1:08:39] I give you this coming on the show.
[1:08:40] I hope you enjoy it.
[1:08:41] We hope you use it.
[1:08:42] I think I'll slow the feedback again.
[1:08:44] Absolutely.
[1:08:45] Thank you.
[1:08:46] Thank you.
[1:08:47] So summarise the story to you.
[1:08:49] This lady is in a very violent relationship.
[1:08:52] In a three-year relationship that had been violent since it was six months old.
[1:08:57] And she says the guy gets angry and he apologises immediately after he hits her.
[1:09:03] It's amazing.
[1:09:04] It would cross the ocean for you.
[1:09:09] But no, he continues to hit her when he gets mad.
[1:09:14] She loves him.
[1:09:15] She wants to see how she can help him to not be violent towards her.
[1:09:20] You know what?
[1:09:21] We have said what we have to say.
[1:09:23] It is now over to you.
[1:09:25] Listen what you think in the comments I will be reading.
[1:09:30] Thank you guys.
[1:09:31] Thanks for having me.
[1:09:32] Cheers.
[1:09:38] Did you like this episode?
[1:09:40] Did you like this episode?
[1:09:41] Don't forget to comment.
[1:09:43] Like, share and click the subscribe button.
[1:09:46] So watch another episode of DIAESS series.
[1:09:48] Click here.

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