# 009. I Apologized For My Own Success (Why Do Women Feel Guilty?)

An episode of [Becoming Her with Melissa Thompson](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1887828685), 29 Jul 2026, 15 min.

Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2605054/episodes/19543632-009-i-apologized-for-my-own-success-why-do-women-feel-guilty.mp3

Send me a text 💌 One of the most ridiculous things I've ever apologized for is my own success. I moved into a big house — a really big house — and I felt so guilty that I didn't want anyone to see it. I worked hard for that. And I was sorry for it. Sound familiar? This episode is about the guilt women carry that we never signed up for — and the "I'm sorry" we say so automatically we don't even hear ourselves saying it anymore. In this episode: • Why women apologize constantly — and where it actually comes from • The phone search that stopped Melissa cold: scroll back through your texts and count how many times you've said "I'm sorry" — then find one from a man • Why we take responsibility for everything that goes wrong but never take credit for anything that goes right • The guilt that shows up in self-care, rest, success, and even taking a bubble bath • Why women think we have to earn our rest — and what that's costing us • How to use your voice for something other than apologizing • Baby steps that actually work: calendar invites, boundaries, and letting go of guilt that no longer serves you 0:00 – Apologizing for Success 1:04 – Why Women Say Sorry 1:32 – Conditioned to Nurture 2:26 – The Phone Search Wake-Up Call 3:21 – Letting Go of Guilt 4:06 – The Big House Story 5:14 – Stop Owning Other People's Problems 8:13 – Guilt in Self-Care 10:38 – Use Your Voice and Set Boundaries 12:11 – Quiet the Guilty Voices 13:46 – The Becoming Question The Becoming Question: What would change in your world if you stopped feeling guilty, stopped apologizing, and started prioritizing your own needs? Connect: @melissathompson.19 Watch/Listen: bellame.com/becomingher You are not late. You are not behind. You are not finished. You are in the making. Stay in the making.

## Transcript

[0:00] SPEAKER_00: One of the most ridiculous things I've ever apologized for is my own success.
[0:05] SPEAKER_00: I apologize when my husband bumps into something and even he laughs out loud.
[0:11] SPEAKER_00: I feel so sorry.
[0:13] SPEAKER_00: We continuously are apologizing and feeling guilty about everything.
[0:19] SPEAKER_00: The one thing that will solve so much and bring us so much peace is to let go of that guilt.
[0:28] SPEAKER_00: I feel guilty for succeeding.
[0:31] SPEAKER_00: I feel guilty for things in my life that I've worked really hard for.
[0:36] SPEAKER_00: We take responsibility for all things.
[0:39] SPEAKER_00: And some of the apologies and the guilt that we feel are ridiculous.
[0:45] SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Becoming Her.
[0:47] SPEAKER_00: I'm Melissa Thompson.
[0:48] SPEAKER_00: This is a podcast about lifelong evolution.
[0:52] SPEAKER_00: For the woman who knows she's not finished, not behind, not late, just in the making.
[0:59] SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly where you're supposed to be.
[1:04] SPEAKER_00: Can we talk about something?
[1:06] SPEAKER_00: Like seriously have a discussion about something important.
[1:10] SPEAKER_00: Why are women always saying I'm sorry?
[1:15] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry I'm late.
[1:17] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry I bothered you.
[1:19] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry that I'm sick.
[1:21] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry that I have to rest.
[1:23] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[1:26] SPEAKER_00: Think about how often you've said it to yourself today or out loud.
[1:31] SPEAKER_00: We're always saying it.
[1:32] SPEAKER_00: I guess we've been conditioned that way.
[1:35] SPEAKER_00: And historically, it makes sense.
[1:37] SPEAKER_00: Women have always been the nurturers.
[1:41] SPEAKER_00: Women have taken care of things while men historically have been the hunters.
[1:46] SPEAKER_00: It really goes back to taking care of the community that we were part of way back when, right?
[1:54] SPEAKER_00: Women were the social ones, responsible for acceptance.
[1:58] SPEAKER_00: And we've continued to evolve, but that portion, it never has.
[2:03] SPEAKER_00: We continuously are apologizing and feeling guilty about everything, taking credit for things we shouldn't be taking credit for.
[2:14] SPEAKER_00: I'm so fascinated by this subject because it's something that not only do I personally feel so many of us we have the same ritual every day, always apologizing.
[2:26] SPEAKER_00: I even looked at my phone.
[2:28] SPEAKER_00: I encourage you to do it with yours and search I'm sorry.
[2:33] SPEAKER_00: Do it right now.
[2:35] SPEAKER_00: And watch how many times you'll say it even in text to your loved ones, to your friends.
[2:42] SPEAKER_00: But the interesting thing that I found was as I scrolled, I had to go back an entire year to find one I'm sorry from a male.
[2:55] SPEAKER_00: And it really hit me.
[2:57] SPEAKER_00: We do it to ourselves.
[2:59] SPEAKER_00: We take responsibility for all things.
[3:02] SPEAKER_00: And some of the apologies and the guilt that we feel are ridiculous.
[3:08] SPEAKER_00: Are you with me?
[3:09] SPEAKER_00: I apologize when my husband bumps into something.
[3:13] SPEAKER_00: And even he laughs out loud, but not me.
[3:16] SPEAKER_00: I'm feel so sorry, as if I was supposed to take care of that.
[3:21] SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy, really, because in a world where we focus on self-improvement, whether it's our health, losing weight, looking the best that we can look, having more money in the bank, getting a better job, a better car, a better home, all things.
[3:39] SPEAKER_00: The one thing that will solve so much and bring us so much peace is to let go of that guilt.
[3:48] SPEAKER_00: And while I wish I had every single answer on how to let go of the guilt, it's about recognizing there's a problem first.
[3:58] SPEAKER_00: I feel guilty for succeeding.
[4:00] SPEAKER_00: I feel guilty for things in my life that I've worked really hard for.
[4:06] SPEAKER_00: A perfect example that is ridiculous.
[4:10] SPEAKER_00: And there are many.
[4:11] SPEAKER_00: I can think back to the last seven days, and there are just too many to list.
[4:16] SPEAKER_00: But one of the most ridiculous things I've ever apologized for is my own success.
[4:22] SPEAKER_00: I remember when I first moved into our home, and it's a big home.
[4:28] SPEAKER_00: It's a really, really big home.
[4:31] SPEAKER_00: And I apologized for it being big.
[4:33] SPEAKER_00: In fact, I didn't want anybody to see it because I felt guilty.
[4:38] SPEAKER_00: I felt guilty, although I worked so hard.
[4:43] SPEAKER_00: Men do not seem to have that same kind of outlook on things.
[4:49] SPEAKER_00: They're proud, they're accomplished.
[4:52] SPEAKER_00: But as women, we seem to take things down a notch to try to make others feel better about themselves.
[4:59] SPEAKER_00: And I think that really just aligns with how we nurture.
[5:03] SPEAKER_00: We do it with our children from a very young age.
[5:06] SPEAKER_00: If you have children, you know, they bump their knee, we're sorry they're hurting.
[5:11] SPEAKER_00: They didn't sleep well, they had a bad dream, we're sorry.
[5:14] SPEAKER_00: It is something that we're really just trying to take care of them, make them feel better, but it's something that continues throughout our entire life to the point where all of a sudden you're in my shoes and you're 56 years old and you're apologizing for things that not only are not your fault, but things that should not be about making somebody else feel bad.
[5:42] SPEAKER_00: And it's a lesson that I'm still learning.
[5:45] SPEAKER_00: But of again, noting there's a problem is part of the solution.
[5:50] SPEAKER_00: And every day making an effort to catch yourself.
[5:55] SPEAKER_00: But what could be more powerful than that?
[5:58] SPEAKER_00: Surround yourself with other women that you help call that little problem out.
[6:03] SPEAKER_00: Because, like I said, if you go through your phone right now and you look at the last people saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, for ridiculous things.
[6:13] SPEAKER_00: I look through mine, and as an example, I have amazing team members on our brand.
[6:20] SPEAKER_00: And many of the things were, I'm sorry, I was working on this document.
[6:25] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry this call ran late.
[6:28] SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[6:31] SPEAKER_00: It's guilt without merit.
[6:34] SPEAKER_00: And that is something that takes up so much of our peace.
[6:39] SPEAKER_00: Imagine a world where you're filling in all the gaps that will be left by taking out the apologies for being unapologetically you and filling that with something that truly can improve your world, if not just peace.
[6:59] SPEAKER_00: All this is easier said than done, right?
[7:02] SPEAKER_00: If we learned it from a very young age, who taught us?
[7:07] SPEAKER_00: Well, I am Catholic, so there's that.
[7:12] SPEAKER_00: It's a way of life, but it really is for women, especially being the nurturers, doing those things.
[7:20] SPEAKER_00: But you have to nurture yourself in order to nurture others.
[7:25] SPEAKER_00: That's just a fact of life.
[7:27] SPEAKER_00: So by being able to move the guilt away and not take responsibility for everybody's actions and problems, because we don't take responsibility and credit when things are going really great for somebody, right?
[7:41] SPEAKER_00: If your best friend walks up to you, they look fabulous.
[7:46] SPEAKER_00: Maybe they got really healthy and they lost, I don't know, 15 pounds and they're toned.
[7:52] SPEAKER_00: We don't say, thanks, Melissa, I did that.
[7:57] SPEAKER_00: I helped you do that.
[7:58] SPEAKER_00: Of course not.
[7:59] SPEAKER_00: We don't take credit, we don't take responsibility when somebody gets a promotion.
[8:04] SPEAKER_00: Why do we take responsibility for the bad things?
[8:08] SPEAKER_00: Why do we have to overcompensate?
[8:10] SPEAKER_00: And we do it to ourselves.
[8:13] SPEAKER_00: I know that bringing out things like self-care in my own life, even though my children are raised and grown, now I'm apologizing to my doodles.
[8:23] SPEAKER_00: I kid you not, I really do apologize to my dogs.
[8:27] SPEAKER_00: If I'm gonna be gone for a few days, if I can't walk them because I have a business meeting.
[8:33] SPEAKER_00: I think that the guilt and take trying to take responsibility for everything, it transfers.
[8:41] SPEAKER_00: So it's something that you have to continue reminding yourself all the time.
[8:46] SPEAKER_00: Things like starting a business when my kids were in school, that is a big deal.
[8:53] SPEAKER_00: And that is one that you feel guilty every single day.
[8:57] SPEAKER_00: How do I compensate for that?
[8:59] SPEAKER_00: Well, even today that they're older and I have grandchildren now, the more I work, the harder I do things, I tend to think, well, that's okay.
[9:11] SPEAKER_00: I'm doing it for them.
[9:14] SPEAKER_00: Why is it so hard just to do it for you?
[9:17] SPEAKER_00: Why does everything have to be about somebody else?
[9:22] SPEAKER_00: Me sharing with you today has nothing to do with saying that I have the answers, but I think as women, if we help each other identify the problem, then we can we can start to see things that we let slip.
[9:40] SPEAKER_00: And once you see those things, you can't unsee them.
[9:44] SPEAKER_00: Once you hear exactly what I'm talking about, you can't unhear them.
[9:50] SPEAKER_00: There are things like me taking a bubble bath, and there can be nobody in the house, but I feel guilty.
[9:57] SPEAKER_00: So what do I do?
[9:58] SPEAKER_00: I grab my phone, I tell myself that if I'm working and checking email while I'm trying to take a bubble bath, then it's okay.
[10:10] SPEAKER_00: Because as women, we think we have to earn our rest.
[10:14] SPEAKER_00: I have lupus, I should be napping every single day.
[10:18] SPEAKER_00: I don't because then I'd have to apologize for it.
[10:21] SPEAKER_00: These are all things that I am working on.
[10:25] SPEAKER_00: I'm literally in the making of trying to adjust my world so that I can have more time for that peace.
[10:34] SPEAKER_00: And I don't have all the answers.
[10:36] SPEAKER_00: I really wish I did.
[10:38] SPEAKER_00: And one of the things, though, that I have found myself working on more and more is still using my voice, just not to say, I'm sorry.
[10:48] SPEAKER_00: Instead, using my voice to kind of say, watch me.
[10:52] SPEAKER_00: That means the people around me, those that I work with, my husband, making myself a priority at the very beginning of the day.
[11:03] SPEAKER_00: If I know that getting up in the morning and working out is a priority for me, then I can move that to the top of the list and tell people.
[11:14] SPEAKER_00: Use my voice instead of apologizing to say, I can't be on an early meeting or I can't do XYZ, this is what I'm going to do.
[11:25] SPEAKER_00: And putting it in a calendar, making sure everybody knows, writing it down using your voice.
[11:32] SPEAKER_00: I send a calendar invite now for things that I need to make sure nobody disrupts, whether that's my workout time, a spa time when I can get it, but using my voice for something else than apologizing.
[11:48] SPEAKER_00: You might think it's easier said than done.
[11:51] SPEAKER_00: Use your voice, say what you're going to do, and stop saying I'm sorry.
[11:57] SPEAKER_00: But that is powerful.
[11:59] SPEAKER_00: Less is more.
[12:01] SPEAKER_00: Something like a calendar invite, stating what you're going to do, setting the boundaries, letting go of the guilt that no longer serves you.
[12:11] SPEAKER_00: Now, I know because I live it every single day as you start to take those baby steps, as you start to do things that you need to do and not feel guilty about, like exercising in the morning, like a nap sometimes for someone like me with lupus, the fact that I should have to explain it even to myself, it's kind of funny.
[12:36] SPEAKER_00: But making that a priority and doing whatever is needed to get all the voices out of your head of the guilt and distraction that that guilt will put in there.
[12:48] SPEAKER_00: Because let's face it, if you're going to take a bubble bath or you're going to work out, or you're just going to have a little me time, the last thing you want are all the voices in your head making you feel guilty about it.
[13:00] SPEAKER_00: It defeats the purpose.
[13:02] SPEAKER_00: For me, turning on some wonderful music that lets me sing and not think of anything else is usually a great cure for that.
[13:13] SPEAKER_00: But it is a work in progress, but it is one that is so worth it.
[13:18] SPEAKER_00: Because when I total up even the conversations that I referenced on the text chain, that's a small percentage of the time myself and other women that I admire are spending their day saying, I'm sorry.
[13:34] SPEAKER_00: Free up that time, put it on something and towards something that will truly empower you.
[13:42] SPEAKER_00: And that is the best kind of self-care that you can do.
[13:45] SPEAKER_00: So today's becoming question for you is what would change in your world if you stopped feeling guilty, stopped apologizing, and start prioritizing your own needs in front of everybody else's.
[14:04] SPEAKER_00: Remember, you're not late, you're not behind, you're not finished.
[14:11] SPEAKER_00: You are still in the making.
[14:13] SPEAKER_00: Keep becoming.
[14:14] SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
[14:16] SPEAKER_00: If you know someone who needs to hear this, send it to them.
[14:19] SPEAKER_00: And if this resonated with you, comment down below.
[14:23] SPEAKER_00: I'd love to keep this conversation going.
[14:25] SPEAKER_00: Make sure to follow along on YouTube and Instagram for daily updates.
[14:30] SPEAKER_00: You can find everything in the description.
[14:32] SPEAKER_00: See you next time.

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