# When Nursing Becomes Your Identity | The ER Edit Ep. 7

An episode of [the ER edit](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1884089840), 22 Apr 2026, 41 min.

Audio: https://traffic.megaphone.fm/APO9958541137.mp3

In this episode, we talk about what happens when nursing becomes more than a career and starts becoming part of your identity. From nursing school to years in the ER, we share how the job can shape our minds, our relationships, and the way we carry stress long after a shift ends. We also open up about how motherhood changed the way we experience nursing, trauma, anxiety, and work life balance. This is a vulnerable conversation about nurse burnout, mental health, PTSD, boundaries, pride in the profession, and learning how to be more than just the title of nurse. — — — — — — — — — — LISTEN TO THE ER EDIT Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ab8DoFQ3hTyQvIE69O2YR?si=fea43e1cda3140f0 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-er-edit/id1884089840 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theERedit FOLLOW THE ER EDIT TikTok: @theERedit Instagram: @theERedit_ CONNECT WITH THE HOSTS Caitlin Armstrong: https://www.tiktok.com/@caitarmstrongrn_ Karlie Tooley: https://www.tiktok.com/@ktooley89 Business inquiries: theeredit@gmail.com — — — — — — — — — — The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of Caitlin Armstrong and Karlie Tooley and do not represent the views, policies, or positions of their current or former employers, hospitals, healthcare organizations, or any affiliated institutions. This podcast is for entertainment and general discussion purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. 0:00 The PTSD That Comes Back 0:20 Welcome Back To The ER Edit 1:46 When Nursing Becomes Your Identity 5:19 Why Karlie Chose Nursing 7:21 College, Setbacks, And Alaska 11:17 Caitlin’s Path Into Nursing 14:21 You Are Not Too Old For Nursing 18:28 The Pride Of Being An ER Nurse 20:13 Leaving The ER And Becoming A Mom 23:56 How Motherhood Changed Nursing 31:06 Boundaries, PTO, And Mental Health 37:15 You Are More Than Your Job

## Transcript

[0:00] My kids are young right now. And then now all those codes and
[0:03] all those things that I thought I had a good grasp on and they
[0:06] were locked away in this little like area are all come like
[0:09] seeping out. And they come out and they come
[0:11] out and they look like anxious thoughts or replaying things in
[0:15] my head or, you know. It's all of the PTSD that comes
[0:19] back. Grab a coffee.
[0:20] Take a breath. You've just clocked into the ER
[0:23] edit. I'm Caitlin.
[0:24] I'm Carly. You are now clocked in.
[0:30] Welcome back to today's episode of the ER.
[0:34] Edit We are back. We have had a doozy of a day
[0:38] already so we decided to crack a fresh one and have a drink with
[0:42] you guys. And also it's a good episode to
[0:44] do it. Yes, because we are talking
[0:46] about identities within nursing and without of nursing.
[0:51] And I think if you asked anybody in this career, they would tell
[0:55] you kind of the same things that we will.
[0:58] And that's that. At some point in your nursing
[1:00] career, nursing does become your identity, wouldn't you say so?
[1:04] Oh, it's absolutely, I think ingrained into who you are.
[1:09] I think that anyone who becomes a nurse kind of has this like
[1:15] part, part of who they are. They're like a, they're a
[1:17] caretaker, you know, to an extent.
[1:20] And I think that once you become a nurse, you put so much blood,
[1:23] sweat and tears into it, and it does become part of who you are,
[1:27] especially the hours that you're working, the family that you
[1:30] gain at the workplace. But along with that, I think
[1:35] it's so easy to lose who you are in that identity.
[1:39] And I think that that's what we want to talk a lot about and how
[1:42] that identity shifts as the years go on in your nursing
[1:46] career. I could not agree more.
[1:48] But I think it truly starts to like in nursing school, your
[1:53] identity is shaping because when you start out in nursing school,
[1:58] that's literally your entire life.
[2:00] And so I think that that's when all of this kind of shifts and
[2:03] shapes into what it is because it's really all you can talk
[2:06] about. It's all you can do because
[2:09] that's what nursing school requires of you.
[2:11] And then you move on to your career and then it becomes the
[2:15] things that you see, the traumas that you gain, the grief that
[2:19] you endure everyday and take home with you, and kind of just
[2:23] the mental load that goes along with it.
[2:26] And it's kind of all consuming. It is.
[2:28] And I think you're, you're so right about that.
[2:30] I didn't really think about nursing school, but again, it's
[2:33] designed in such a way to kind of like put you through the
[2:37] wringer no matter how long it is.
[2:40] But I think that's the first time where it's all consuming
[2:45] and it's just who you are. It's who you are.
[2:47] It's what you are. And then by the end of it,
[2:50] there's like so much pride with being a nurse.
[2:53] And I think starting your career, I mean, I felt that way.
[2:57] And even now, like I feel a sense of pride of being a nurse
[3:00] for as long as I've been, even though I have a long ways to go.
[3:04] But yeah, I just think I think it's really interesting.
[3:07] And for myself, which we'll touch on, I've changed areas a
[3:11] lot. And I think that that can affect
[3:13] you, like going from when I was in the ER to now not being in
[3:16] the ER letting go of that identity is, is so overwhelming.
[3:23] Yes, because it it's always going to be part of me.
[3:26] And I do think that we have to get into that because I think
[3:29] especially ER nurses, maybe the ICU or maybe other departments
[3:33] feel the same way too. But I mean, we can only speak
[3:35] for the ER. Once you become an ER nurse, you
[3:39] are right. Or die for the ER, really at the
[3:41] end of the day. And it feels like kind of a
[3:46] badge of honor in a way to be able to say that you're an ER
[3:50] nurse because not to sound cocky by any means, but not everybody
[3:54] can do it. But also at the same time, not
[3:56] everybody can do L&D. Not everybody can do peeds.
[3:59] So when you work in these like highly specialized areas that
[4:02] see so many different things, you are proud of yourself for
[4:07] getting there and for doing it. And so you carry it as a badge.
[4:11] They do think what we should touch on.
[4:13] And the cool thing about you and I is that we have come together
[4:17] at the end and are now both nurses and mothers and all of
[4:20] that stuff and can and have kind of had to reshape our identities
[4:23] within nursing when it comes to motherhood.
[4:25] And we will touch on that too. But we started out nursing very
[4:28] differently. You were pretty much straight
[4:32] out of high school, not married. So kind of in your like, fun
[4:35] partying days, all of that stuff, which is great.
[4:39] But I was married when I went to nursing school.
[4:41] So I think it's really cool to be able to talk about those two
[4:44] different identities and how to kind of maneuver them and how we
[4:47] go about. Like I started out as a nurse
[4:50] with a baby. That's crazy and so there.
[4:53] I mean, we have two different stories to tell, which I think
[4:55] is really cool because I do think that we have a lot of like
[5:00] moms or dads on here that want to go back to nursing school but
[5:04] have no idea if they can do it. And then we have a bunch of like
[5:08] 17 year olds that are still in high school that want to be
[5:10] nurses and want to know what it's like straight out of there.
[5:14] So kind of interview style. OK, You wanted to be a nurse out
[5:18] of high school or no? I did.
[5:20] So I knew pretty early on that I wanted to be a nurse.
[5:24] And people ask me like, oh, what was the thing that made you want
[5:27] to be a nurse? I don't know that I had like a
[5:29] moment, like a divine intervention moment where I was
[5:32] like, this is my calling. But I did have some death in my
[5:36] family. I had some sickness in my family
[5:38] when I was young and I was exposed to healthcare, and I was
[5:41] actually wildly afraid of the hospital.
[5:44] Like I remember my cousin got in a bad car accident and he was in
[5:48] the hospital and I sat in the hallway.
[5:50] I wouldn't go in the room. Like I was so afraid of sick.
[5:53] People. Of old people, of anyone
[5:56] vomiting, like I was deathly afraid.
[5:58] So it is kind of funny. I ended up becoming a nurse.
[6:00] But at that time, I think the exposure I did have to nurses, I
[6:04] was like, I want to do that. Like not only do I want to care
[6:07] for people, but I think we are talking about like the novelty,
[6:10] the honor of using your brain, like being intelligent.
[6:17] I don't know. I think there was just, I was so
[6:18] drawn to it. I don't want to ever be a
[6:21] doctor, which is interesting, but I was very drawn to nursing.
[6:24] And so I think I just made a decision at some point that's
[6:27] what I wanted to do and it and so then when I got to the point
[6:29] of graduating high school, I just kind of was like, I'm going
[6:32] to go to nursing school. So when you So you went to
[6:34] nursing school straight out of high school?
[6:36] Well, I yeah, I mean, you can't apply immediately.
[6:39] You went knowing I was. Pre nursing is what I called it
[6:42] because to do all my prereqs. So for those of you that are
[6:46] going to apply, your prereqs suck.
[6:48] They suck. They're not nursing classes.
[6:50] It's like science classes but also filler classes that you
[6:53] have to do. So it's a lot of busy work the
[6:57] first couple years. It is, for sure.
[6:59] And the prereqs aren't necessarily easy.
[7:01] You're doing AP, you're doing different kinds of chemistries,
[7:04] microbiology, all of these things.
[7:07] So how did you balance going to college for the first time and
[7:11] wanting to experience everything college offered and then also
[7:15] being able to get grades that set you up to actually apply for
[7:20] nursing school and to get in? So I have kind of an interesting
[7:23] story, and I'll keep it brief, but I went right out of high
[7:26] school. I went to Azusa Pacific, which
[7:29] is in Southern California. It's a private school.
[7:31] And I was 18. I just turned 18.
[7:35] And so I went there on academic scholarship.
[7:38] And so the way they did it, because I had graduated with
[7:42] such a high GPA out of high school, it almost like gives you
[7:46] the green light to take a lot of the hard classes your first
[7:48] semester. Whereas some people who did not
[7:52] do as long high school were not allowed to.
[7:54] I think that hurt me because I got there not actually knowing
[7:58] how to study or do well in school or, you know, manage my
[8:02] time and I was in oak hem. I was in psychology.
[8:06] I think I had to take like Christian Bible classes I was
[8:09] in. So I was in anatomy and they
[8:11] they separated their anatomy and Physiology like.
[8:14] Yeah, but Okem and anatomy together.
[8:17] With labs, So I went in kind of being like, oh, you can handle
[8:21] it here when I couldn't. And I was on so many academic
[8:26] scholarships that in order to keep them, I ended up having to
[8:29] withdraw because if I failed, I would have lost the money.
[8:33] So anyways, I'd ended up with a cumulative GPA that didn't allow
[8:38] me to apply so I had to retake second semester.
[8:42] I withdrew and had to retake certain classes and then I
[8:47] wasn't eligible to apply after my first year because of that.
[8:51] And then I decided I had got a random hair at my ass and I was
[8:55] like I'm going to go work in Alaska.
[8:59] So I went to Alaska. I had no communication with the
[9:01] world for like 3 months. Which, honestly, hell yeah.
[9:05] It was amazing. It was a very interesting
[9:07] experience. I was working at a salmon
[9:09] cannery in Dillingham, Alaska at 19 years old.
[9:13] It was crazy. I honestly love it.
[9:15] But anyways, during that time away, I was like, I either have
[9:19] to go back to school, pay a ton of money, retake everything and
[9:22] hope that I can apply, or I can transfer back to Washington
[9:27] because I knew of a school there.
[9:29] My aunt, my aunt had gone there for nursing.
[9:32] I had enough transfer credits that I could apply the nursing
[9:36] program immediately. So in Alaska, I made the
[9:40] decision I was going to do that. I submitted my application and
[9:43] then I called like with my calling card home and found out
[9:47] I had been accepted to the school in Washington.
[9:51] I flew home from Alaska when it was time.
[9:54] I had one week to drive to Azusa, grab my stuff and come
[9:57] back. And I just jumped right in and I
[10:00] was able to apply and I got into the program there.
[10:02] So it was kind of like a lot of weird moving parts.
[10:07] However, because I know I mentioned at Azusa it was
[10:11] anatomy, you passed then you go to Physiology.
[10:13] Well I took anatomy. I had to withdraw like 3 weeks
[10:16] before the final. So I basically took the class,
[10:18] had to retake anatomy. Then I get to my new school and
[10:22] they do AMP one AMP 2. So I took anatomy 4 semesters.
[10:28] It's painful to even think about.
[10:30] Painful. Painful that was.
[10:31] I hated that class. So when I told you guys on a
[10:34] previous episode like I did not do the most cost effective
[10:37] route, I was not informed. I was 100% a child learning on
[10:42] the fly and I wouldn't necessarily recommend to
[10:46] somebody to do what I did, but I was doing the best that I could
[10:49] with what I had. Well, and I think that that's
[10:51] why we would like to share some of our stories because there are
[10:55] so many different avenues that you can go and so many that are
[11:00] way more cost effective, even though it maybe doesn't fit the
[11:03] timeline that you have for yourself.
[11:05] And I think that that's, I mean, people don't realize that I, I
[11:10] wish like I knew I wanted to be a nurse for a really long time
[11:13] and my goal was to go out of high school, but ours were a
[11:16] little bit flipped. I fucked around in high school.
[11:18] I didn't really care about my grades in high school, so I
[11:20] couldn't get in anywhere. So I stayed here and did junior
[11:23] college. And then Nick got in to the
[11:27] school that he wanted to and he and I were art like we already
[11:30] knew that we were going to be a thing.
[11:31] So essentially, I kind of had to wait for him to get done.
[11:34] And I applied around here and did all of that stuff.
[11:36] But where we live, it's a lottery system.
[11:40] And so it's kind of just luck of the draw on if you get in or
[11:42] not. And so I would apply while he
[11:45] was getting his bachelor's degree until it was time for us
[11:49] to get married, really. And so we waited for him to
[11:51] graduate. We got married.
[11:52] I got married as an infant essentially.
[11:55] And then I got accepted into an accelerated BSN program, which
[11:59] ended up working out for the best.
[12:01] Because I do think if I went straight out of high school, I
[12:06] think I would have increwed so much more debt by going to a
[12:10] four year university because I wasn't going to be ready, right?
[12:12] Which is like what you're explaining.
[12:13] Which is what? Which was my experience.
[12:15] And I don't. Nobody tells you that, though.
[12:17] You're never prepared to know exactly how college is going to
[12:20] be and how hard it is, but also that you're just seeing the
[12:24] world for the first time and still want to be involved in all
[12:27] of that. You have no idea how to study or
[12:30] comprehend college classes. One and I'm experiencing
[12:33] independence for the first time, living on my own, not answering
[12:37] to anybody, just so many life things are happening.
[12:41] So I don't regret how it happened, but it just it took me
[12:46] a lot like I think it ended up being 5 1/2 years before I like
[12:49] because I got in, but then I got in the spring start and it was a
[12:52] three-year program. So anyways, it was a long, a
[12:55] long thing, but that's by the time I started the nursing
[12:59] program, like I had already been through this rigmarole with
[13:02] changing schools and finances and student loans because you
[13:06] know, your federal loans, they're based on a four year, 4
[13:08] years. So anything after that's
[13:10] private. So a lot of figuring out and
[13:13] learning, but that's really when it's when I talk about being all
[13:17] consuming, it becomes your world, it becomes your life.
[13:21] It becomes like this light at the end of the tunnel that you
[13:24] have to get to. And for me, a lot of that
[13:27] driving motivation was paying back the student debt.
[13:31] And so that's kind of the beginning of being like, this is
[13:34] who I am now. Well, and I think too, you get
[13:38] into your your nursing student world and you really don't see
[13:42] anybody or talk to anybody about anything outside of that.
[13:47] So I know for me, that's kind of where my huge identity started
[13:50] because unlike a lot of other people, I had a husband at home,
[13:55] but I was so ingrained in nursing school because I had to
[13:59] be that guess who also was essentially a nursing school?
[14:03] It was Nick because if he wanted to talk to me, that's like
[14:06] really all I could talk to him about at the time.
[14:08] Were you pregnant in nursing school?
[14:10] No. OK, so I had graduated.
[14:12] We moved home immediately because I went to nursing school
[14:15] in the Midwest and then got my first job and was pregnant four
[14:21] months after. That that's crazy.
[14:23] I, I think something to know is in my nursing cohort, I was one
[14:31] of a handful of us that had gone right out of high school and
[14:34] we're kind of the same age, but there was, I don't remember
[14:37] exactly. I want to say my cohort was like
[14:39] around 45. I mean, that's not something
[14:43] like that. I would say 1/3 were like my age
[14:48] kind of life experiences. And then there was a group of
[14:52] people that were second careers or second degrees, like had had
[14:57] a degree and decided to do like a bachelors for nursing.
[15:01] There was a couple people, I think the oldest one in our
[15:04] court was like in the upper 50s maybe.
[15:07] So I know a lot of people online are like, I really want to go
[15:09] back, but you know, I have kids or am I too old or no, No matter
[15:15] which way you splice it, it's going to be hard.
[15:18] And you could argue that I had it easy because I didn't have a
[15:22] husband, I didn't have kids, I didn't have other
[15:24] responsibilities. And yes, I would agree to that.
[15:26] However, I also didn't have life experience.
[15:28] I had no finances to my name. Like so no matter what stage in
[15:32] life you are in, it's going to be challenging.
[15:35] Also, I want to know too, Yeah, that you and I both paid for our
[15:40] college experiences, so there wasn't any.
[15:43] Well, me. And Sallie Mae.
[15:44] Well, boy are we friends, but I think we both come from similar
[15:50] things. Where some of my best friends
[15:53] had their entire college career paid for, right?
[15:56] That was not us. That was not us at all.
[15:58] And even being married and trying to navigate this, thank
[16:03] God I had Nick there to tell me what to do and what not to do as
[16:08] far as like loans go and things like that.
[16:11] Otherwise I would have been screwed because I had no idea.
[16:14] They don't give you any information about really what
[16:16] the loans entail. At the end of the day, it's
[16:19] essentially just sign here and you're 18 and able to and it's
[16:22] like essentially you're set up. With like a 12% interest rate,
[16:26] like an astronomical. Yes.
[16:28] So I think that there are pros and cons when it comes to going
[16:33] into nursing, but College in general, when people ask like
[16:37] can I do it? Anybody can do.
[16:39] It and there's not a right or wrong way.
[16:41] There's so many avenues and I know everybody wants to find the
[16:46] best way or the fastest or most affordable and it that looks
[16:50] different for every person. 100%.
[16:52] And at the end of it all, if you pass your NCLEX and you have an
[16:56] active nursing license, that's the only thing that matters when
[17:00] you're working. I think so much energy is placed
[17:04] on your school, your degree. I worked at one hospital where
[17:11] ABSN got a pay difference and it was one extra dollar an hour.
[17:14] And that was the union had fought for that, not the
[17:16] hospital. And I know some people, I think
[17:20] my friend said she gets two extra dollars an hour for having
[17:22] her BSN. So there's like minor
[17:25] differences, but that whole thing where they're like, hey,
[17:28] in 10 years everyone in the hospital has to have a BSN.
[17:32] Like we're going to require it. I've been hearing that since I
[17:34] was in nursing school. I think that's like, I think
[17:37] that hospitals want to have a certain percentage of bachelors,
[17:39] but it's not required. So I.
[17:42] Think in order to be a magnet hospital they have to have a
[17:44] certain percentage. Right, that's correct.
[17:46] I. Think that that's where it comes
[17:47] from the hiring process, but doesn't matter in the long run,
[17:50] no? And I I don't think they can
[17:53] actually deny somebody a job offer who's qualified and is the
[17:57] best candidate because of their degree.
[17:59] And sometimes they encourage you are way better than a BSN nurse.
[18:04] I would argue they have more clinical out of school.
[18:07] I would argue that a lot of ADN programs have a lot more
[18:10] clinical skill exposure, yeah. Moving right along, I want to
[18:14] know when you got out of nursing school and you were working your
[18:17] first job when you went out and people said, like, what do you
[18:21] do? You know, the quintessential
[18:22] question, were you proud to be like, I'm a nurse?
[18:26] Yes. Do you still feel that way now?
[18:28] I do. I do feel, yes, I do feel like
[18:32] I'm still proud to say I'm a nurse.
[18:35] I will say since leaving the ER, it feels weird because when
[18:40] people say, oh, what do you do? And I say, oh, I'm a nurse.
[18:43] A lot of times they say, oh, where do you work or what kind
[18:44] of nurse are you? And for eight plus years, oh, I
[18:49] work in the ER. I'm a trauma ER nurse and there
[18:52] is a pride that comes with that. It's almost like you've earned
[18:55] this. And I do think it's a cut to
[18:58] your ego to not be able to say that anymore.
[19:01] And for a long time after I left the ER, I would still say I'm an
[19:05] ER nurse. And I finally was like, I don't
[19:07] even work in the ER. But it's like, again, it's this
[19:09] like weird identity. It's like who I feel like I am
[19:12] even on TikTok, people are like, you work in you don't work in
[19:16] the ER. And I'm like, I'm still an ER
[19:18] nurse. I think it's ingrained in you
[19:20] for life. And that is honestly the type of
[19:22] nursing that you fit well with. And so when when people ask
[19:27] their like, I feel like for me, if I were to ever switch, there
[19:29] would be no other type of nurse. Like when people are always
[19:32] like, what would you do if you weren't an ER nurse?
[19:34] Like I get that question a lot. And I'm always like nothing
[19:39] because because you can't fathom it until you change it, You
[19:42] know, you can't fathom like because it is so ingrained in
[19:46] your identity. And I really think that a lot of
[19:49] that stems from when people do ask what you do for work and you
[19:53] do tell them, like, I'm an ER trauma nurse.
[19:56] You get this response that makes you feel good because people are
[20:01] always like, what? Really.
[20:02] Like that's so cool. People really are there to hype
[20:05] you up when you tell them that. And it's kind of like you don't
[20:08] ever really want to switch from that, to be honest, because you
[20:11] do then feel proud in that moment.
[20:13] Yes, I agree with that completely.
[20:15] And that has been my experience as well.
[20:19] Kind of switching gears here a little bit though, is having
[20:23] left the ER talking about identities.
[20:27] I became a mom for the first time and, and that's when I left
[20:31] the ER. And as hard as that is for me
[20:35] and my career, it's also helped me step into like the identity
[20:42] of being a mom and a mother for the first time.
[20:44] And now I have a second baby. And some of the things that
[20:50] burnout, the frustration, the agitation, the mental health
[20:55] struggles that came along with being in the ER that you
[20:58] probably still are dealing with. It's like I've been able to let
[21:03] go of all of that and focus on my identity at home and my role
[21:09] as a, as a mother and this new role, I'll be it.
[21:13] It's not as like flashy and doesn't give me as much of like
[21:16] the stroke of an ego when I'm like, I work in the ER, you
[21:19] know, like I don't get that. Like a lot of times I'm like, I
[21:21] work in the pack you and people are like, what's the pack you?
[21:23] And I'm like the recovery room like after surgery, like, you
[21:27] know, like, let me spell it out for you.
[21:30] It's not as like much, I don't know, like you don't get that
[21:34] like wow factor, but also like I my work life balance right now
[21:40] is like you can't even describe it.
[21:42] I think it takes a while for you to be OK with leaving.
[21:45] I think it took you a little while.
[21:46] With like it's been over 2 years.
[21:48] Well, and I remember in the beginning, like you would hear a
[21:50] trauma because the whole hospital can hear a trauma alert
[21:53] come in and all that stuff. And I remember you would text
[21:56] and be like, what's coming in? Like what is it?
[21:58] Because you miss it, and you miss the thrill of it and you
[22:00] miss the adrenaline. But I think at one point you had
[22:03] said to me, like, I finally realized that I was literally
[22:08] only living on adrenaline, and I had no idea what it felt like to
[22:12] just go to work and just be. Yeah.
[22:15] And I have no idea what that's. Like, and it's hard, it's hard
[22:19] to, it's hard to imagine. And even when I left talking
[22:23] about identity, like I really struggled with kind of detaching
[22:29] myself from that identity. I'm a lot better now, but I
[22:34] think I had to kind of detox and that the best way I've described
[22:39] this before is like when I first got there, like the first two
[22:41] weeks I was like, this isn't going to work.
[22:43] Like I remember that. I don't, I miss it.
[22:46] It's not me, but I think honestly my like nervous system
[22:51] was dysregulated and I think that it's like a, it's like a
[22:55] toxic relationship. It's all you know, it's what you
[22:58] know, it's where you're comfortable.
[23:00] It doesn't mean it's healthy for you, but it's like where you
[23:02] know and where it works. So I think when I first left, I
[23:06] was like, this doesn't feel good.
[23:07] I want that again. It's what I know.
[23:10] And I think when enough time passed, I also gave birth.
[23:13] So I was like off work for a while.
[23:15] So when I came back and enough time had passed, I'd like kind
[23:18] of detoxed it. I was like, wait, I feel so much
[23:22] more calm. I enjoy coming to work.
[23:25] Like I miss certain parts, but I don't miss them enough anymore
[23:31] that I would go back to that at this point in my life.
[23:35] And that took me. I mean, like I said, it's been
[23:36] over 2 years and I've had two kids to get to even this space
[23:39] now. OK, I have a question for you.
[23:42] You said that you became pregnant really soon after
[23:44] having becoming a nurse. How did becoming a mom kind of
[23:50] change your identity and your nursing identity and how you
[23:54] handled being a nurse? I think it changed all of it.
[23:58] I had Indy and still had never experienced a pediatric code
[24:05] until after she was born. Because you're new.
[24:07] I was still precepting and back then you precepted for a long
[24:11] time, which was great. It's not that way anymore, but
[24:15] you precepted for a long time. So I had never really
[24:16] experienced necessarily a code until after Indy was born and I
[24:21] will never forget it. I remember my first pediatric
[24:24] code like it was yesterday and it was because Nick was out of
[24:29] town. I was working night shift and
[24:33] Indy was home with my mom, which was never a problem.
[24:36] I trust my mom with all of my kids, you know?
[24:39] But we had gotten a pediatric code in.
[24:41] It was a little girl that was the same exact age as Indy.
[24:45] And I broke like was able to assist a little bit in there,
[24:51] but ended up having to leave, could not pull myself together
[24:56] and ended up calling my mom and being like, I like, I need to
[24:59] see her right now. Like if this isn't like a
[25:01] question. And my mom being so great was
[25:03] like, yeah, I'm let me go get her.
[25:05] She's in her crib. She's perfect.
[25:06] This is like 3:00 AM in the morning.
[25:08] Yeah. But I think with with that and
[25:12] being a mom in the ER, you see different variations of really,
[25:18] really traumatic things that shape who you become as a mom.
[25:22] So like my kids can't do certain things simply because I've seen
[25:25] it or your heart sinks. If I'm answering the radio
[25:29] report and I hear, you know, a 7 year old male coming in or
[25:34] things like that, you know, Remy's seven years old.
[25:35] And even though I don't live anywhere near our hospital,
[25:38] there will always be a thought that comes in my mind that is
[25:41] like, what if it's him? And so I think with that, like
[25:45] you were saying, your adrenaline was always on when you're in the
[25:49] ER. And I think as a parent, it
[25:51] stays on more than it would if maybe I didn't work in the ER
[25:55] because I'm so cognizant of things that can happen because
[25:58] I've seen them, right? And I think that that makes it
[26:01] really hard, if I'm being really honest.
[26:03] It's one of the things about working in the ER that I hate
[26:09] because it is really hard to disassociate the two.
[26:11] Yeah. Do you think that now that your
[26:14] kids are a little older, you feel less of that?
[26:17] Or do you feel like it's just changed?
[26:19] It's just different. I think it just changes, I think
[26:21] with the variations and I think you and I have talked about this
[26:24] just a little bit, but I used to never go or be able to like
[26:28] really do well in an infant code or or things like that.
[26:32] But it's it's interesting how the dynamics change.
[26:37] I can go into a code with a baby no problem.
[26:39] Now I mean it, it's terrible, nobody wants to see it.
[26:42] But it doesn't affect me the same way.
[26:44] And I'm realizing that it's because my kids aren't those
[26:46] ages anymore. But if, you know, a trauma comes
[26:51] in, that's a pediatric trauma, which we don't get a ton.
[26:54] But if they do come in and it's similar ages, it takes me weeks
[26:59] to recover from that. Yeah.
[27:01] And so I think it just depends. I feel confident in my ability
[27:04] to work with PEDs and to do all of that stuff.
[27:08] But I would be lying to anybody if I said that I didn't take it
[27:11] home. It all comes home, all of it.
[27:13] It does. And I think that I think that
[27:16] people, especially nurses in the ER are really good and I think
[27:20] this is part of their identity. Like if you are a good ER nurse
[27:23] and that's your calling and it's where you thrive, I think you
[27:25] have a an ability to compartmentalize like really
[27:30] well. And I think that there is a time
[27:33] and a place for that. And I think that's what is great
[27:35] about ER nurses and other nurses.
[27:38] But ER is, you know, where we have experience.
[27:42] But I do think that outside of the hospital, that is very
[27:46] challenging to deal with. And I think I've mentioned on
[27:48] our very first episode, like becoming a mom and learning this
[27:54] version of myself for the first time, all of that comes flooding
[27:57] back. And my kids are young right now.
[28:00] And then now all those codes and all those things that I thought
[28:03] I had a good grasp on and they were locked away in this little
[28:06] like area are all come, like seeping out.
[28:09] And they come out and they come out and they look like anxious
[28:12] thoughts or replaying things in my head or, you know.
[28:16] It's all of the PTSD that comes back.
[28:19] And it's even cases that you think, well, it's cases that you
[28:22] know will never happen to our kids based on the circumstances
[28:27] that we've seen, right? Like.
[28:29] Hopefully. Well, I mean, some won't,
[28:31] whether they're unfortunately abuse cases or things like that,
[28:35] but those still filter back in and just play a really terrible
[28:39] mind game with you. And they almost kind of play on
[28:42] a loop sometimes where it's like you're constantly struggling to
[28:45] get out of the loop that's playing in your head as a mom,
[28:48] even though you're outside of it.
[28:49] Some some things that like bubble up for me are like
[28:55] unexpected though. And what I mean by that is it's
[28:57] not always like traumatic things I've seen.
[29:01] It's just simply like even in the recovery room every once in
[29:05] a while we'll do days where we do a lot of like dental
[29:08] procedures, like under general for kids.
[29:11] And if I see like a little boy who's like 234, like around the
[29:16] age of my son come rolling out under anesthesia crying just out
[29:20] of it, vulnerable wanting their mom and dad like it's not
[29:24] traumatic. They're they're having a natural
[29:26] response. I feel like I could just sob
[29:29] because I'm picturing my son there and that vulnerable like
[29:33] scared state. And it's like weird.
[29:36] I'm like why is this affecting me like this?
[29:39] I think it's for the first time and maybe correct me if I'm
[29:42] wrong, but I think that when you go into nursing, especially ER
[29:46] nursing, you love it. Like I don't know about you, but
[29:50] like I love or loved. I still do love it, but it was
[29:56] different when I first started. Yeah, but you're, you're fresh.
[29:58] Everything is new. And it's the first.
[30:01] I remember the first time being in the trauma Bay, the
[30:04] adrenaline I would get would make my whole body shake.
[30:07] And I remember later having the thought of like, I kind of miss
[30:11] because. Because you get to a point where
[30:14] that you don't get that anymore and you kind of miss that
[30:17] feeling when it's new and exciting.
[30:18] You do, and that's why I think that that is your only identity
[30:22] for so many years. But then like seeing the little
[30:25] boy come out of like recovery or whatever it may be, you have now
[30:30] realized that motherhood is now your primary identity.
[30:34] And so those emotions take over. And I do think that that's kind
[30:37] of difficult to process too, at times where it's like, I have
[30:40] had this one identity and granted, we're both wives,
[30:44] that's also our identity too. But it's like, I don't know,
[30:49] there's something so different about having something else take
[30:54] over more than what ER nursing did.
[30:57] OK. A question I have for you is
[30:59] what have you learned over the years to do for yourself outside
[31:02] of nursing that gives you purpose and fulfills you?
[31:06] I think that there's a handful of things I think it's really
[31:08] difficult to break free from, like the ER nurse identity, you
[31:13] know what I mean? I think ultimately what it comes
[31:15] down to is you have to create like really hard boundaries that
[31:20] you don't ever think you are going to have to create in order
[31:24] to get through the day-to-day. And what I mean by that is like
[31:28] when I first started nursing, I was texting the friend group
[31:31] wondering what was going on in the hospital outside of it.
[31:34] And obviously I still, I still sometimes do that.
[31:38] But also my Co workers became my identity too.
[31:41] They were the ones I was hanging out with all the time.
[31:43] You become kind of a meshed because you deal with so much
[31:47] with them. But there comes a time where you
[31:49] kind of have to take a step back, yeah, and not spend all of
[31:53] your time integrated in that world, right?
[31:56] So it's finding friends outside of that and creating a really
[31:59] good group of people that you can share life with that really
[32:03] don't know anything about the hospital.
[32:05] Having, I mean, that's you said, a great having healthy
[32:07] boundaries. There's so much of your life,
[32:09] There's so much of your world and they bring they add so much
[32:12] to your life, but also you need to step away from that.
[32:16] You need to do things that like fulfill you outside of being a
[32:20] nurse, being a mom, being a wife.
[32:22] And also I think in addition to just the people you work with,
[32:27] it's also saying no to the job sometimes.
[32:29] How many times have you been asked to join a committee or get
[32:33] a certification? Even getting the text being
[32:35] like, we're short staffed. Can you work tonight or can you
[32:37] work tomorrow? Like you kind of have this like,
[32:40] oh, yeah, I need to do it. I need to do it.
[32:41] Oh, it's money. Oh, it's, you know, whatever the
[32:43] driving force is. But being able to say, you know
[32:46] what? No, I need to step away.
[32:48] I need to be at home. I need to go to Pilates.
[32:51] Like I need to do something for myself, I think create distance.
[32:56] Yes. And I think beyond that too,
[32:57] it's also utilizing your PTO for what you want your PTO to be.
[33:03] I think when you first start your job, you are told that this
[33:07] is your sick time, right? That's what it's there.
[33:09] That's what it's like set under. No, it's not.
[33:12] That is your time. You earn that time working at
[33:15] the job that you work at. It is yours and nobody else's to
[33:18] take from you, and it is yours to use how you please.
[33:22] So if the job becomes mentally exhausting or you wake up or go
[33:26] to bed feeling like you are not capable to go into that
[33:30] environment and be the nurse that the patients need you to
[33:32] be, I almost feel like it's an expectation for you to take your
[33:36] time. Yeah.
[33:37] And live a mental health day and do whatever it is that you need
[33:41] on those days so that when you go back in, you can care for the
[33:45] patients in the way they need it.
[33:46] I could not agree more. And I think that a lot of people
[33:49] feel guilty or like they're going to get in trouble.
[33:52] And in some jobs, I don't know, they might make you feel that
[33:55] way. I know that when you're in a
[33:56] union, there's like a little bit different rules, like they're
[33:59] not allowed to ask you why you're calling out.
[34:01] I don't know if you're non union, if that still applies.
[34:04] I don't know. I will say this though, I, I
[34:08] agree. If you, if you have a fever, if
[34:09] you're sick, you're expected to not come to work.
[34:12] You do not want to get the patient sick.
[34:14] That's obvious. If you're having something going
[34:16] on in your personal life or you have had a stretch of really,
[34:20] really hard shifts or whatever the circumstances, you cannot
[34:24] think clearly. Your judgement might be clouded.
[34:27] You might not be able to shake whatever it is that's going on.
[34:29] And if you walk into work, you are setting yourself up for
[34:35] failure, and you might make a huge mistake.
[34:38] So I think that even though you might not have a fever or be
[34:40] sick or be obviously unwell, saying, I need to take a beat,
[34:45] I've got the time. Take it.
[34:46] Do it. Yeah.
[34:48] Even if you're like, I just need a day to like breathe, you need
[34:52] that for this job. I wish that that was something
[34:55] that somebody told me earlier because I will say in my early
[34:58] days I felt very guilty calling off.
[35:00] I felt. ID oh you have to call the.
[35:02] Worst, the worst, like almost would get the nervous shit.
[35:06] So you know what I'm talking about where it's like I can't do
[35:09] this 100% because they do make you feel like it's an
[35:11] expectation for you to be there. It is an expectation.
[35:14] This is. Your career, their job hard
[35:16] because I was like, oh, we're running short and and so you
[35:18] kind of are met with a little bit of that like.
[35:20] It's resist, yeah. You're like, oh, OK.
[35:23] But at the end of the day, you cannot go in there and be a good
[35:26] nurse with a terrible head on your shoulders.
[35:29] So take the fucking time. It's yours.
[35:31] So that would be, I think, I think finding a way early on, if
[35:35] people can, to create boundaries in whatever way they feel is
[35:39] necessary for them, but also to do what is best for them in
[35:43] those moments. Help to create this healthy
[35:47] balance between what you do at work and who you are at home.
[35:51] And realizing that it is OK for them to be two separate people
[35:54] and that they don't have to bleed over onto each other.
[35:57] Yes. I, I also think that's something
[36:00] I wish I would have learned earlier on or if we were giving
[36:03] advice to our younger selves or to some people that are in
[36:06] nursing school or our new grads is, you know, the saying like
[36:09] you have to put your life vest on before you save somebody
[36:12] else. Like this all ties into that.
[36:15] And if you need to, like you need to be well to be able to go
[36:20] care for people in any department that you work in.
[36:24] And so if that means like taking a mental health day, then take
[36:28] it. Something I wish I would have
[36:30] known and kind of like bought into earlier is like you are
[36:34] just a number. And I know that sounds so cold
[36:37] and I know I have worked at great hospitals.
[36:39] I've had great leadership, But at the end of the day, it's a
[36:42] business. So put your mental health and
[36:46] your Wellness first. Like, end of story.
[36:48] And I wish I would have known that and like, believed that
[36:51] sooner. I think it's really hard for
[36:53] people to, because you go into nursing school knowing that
[36:56] you're doing this big job to care for people and to work in
[36:59] an organization that is there for the same reasons.
[37:03] And that might not always be the case.
[37:05] And I think that that's really, really hard for people to
[37:08] understand and to actually believe.
[37:12] But it is how it is at the end of the day.
[37:15] But I think that at the end of the day, when it all is said and
[37:19] done, outside of our identity as nurses and all of that stuff,
[37:24] Carly and I are just normal people.
[37:26] We're doing normal daily lives. Yes, now we put ourselves out on
[37:31] the Internet, but you guys only see a little like the tiniest
[37:34] glimpses of who we are on our day-to-day.
[37:38] But I think it's really important for us outside of like
[37:41] the Med errors and the things that people stick in their butts
[37:44] and things like that. It's really important for us to
[37:47] at times sit down and have these like vulnerable conversations.
[37:50] Because I think it does strip everything away and let people
[37:54] know that it is OK to feel this way and that maybe it's not
[37:57] talked about all the time on the Internet.
[37:59] But if you are feeling like you're struggling with like
[38:01] identity and who you are as a person, which all of us go
[38:04] through or. How do you balance it all?
[38:06] Yes, even we're talking a lot about things we've learned over
[38:09] the years that have made us kind of like strip away from our
[38:12] nursing identity, but also on the other side of it, like
[38:16] having kids and not wanting to stay home full time.
[38:19] Because I worked really hard for my job and it is important.
[38:22] It is part of who I am. And still needing that to be a
[38:25] part of my life is also OK and it's also admirable.
[38:28] I. Think there are so many avenues
[38:30] that this can go that's relatable and so many different
[38:32] people. I think the stay at home mom
[38:34] versus the working mom concept can get kind of murky because
[38:38] people have such strong opinions.
[38:41] I think both they're they're all admirable no matter how you do
[38:45] it. I think it depends on the person
[38:48] and for me, I have no problem saying like I am not the best
[38:50] mom. If I'm 100% on mom, I need to go
[38:54] to work, and that doesn't have to be like that for everybody,
[38:56] but that's what I've learned for myself.
[38:58] And I am the exact same way. I am not cut out to be a stay at
[39:01] home mom. But I think the bigger picture
[39:03] of that is realizing that and knowing that I actually am a
[39:06] better mom to my kids when I have a little bit of a persona
[39:09] of myself in something else that's outside of mom life.
[39:13] And that doesn't mean that they don't go hand in hand.
[39:15] At times they do. But I'm also really proud that
[39:18] my kids have seen that I have built, you know, a career for
[39:23] myself, that it's not just kind of 1 sided in our family, which
[39:27] is great for some. Some of my best friends are stay
[39:30] at home moms and they kill it. They kill it.
[39:33] And it's hard as hell. Dude, it is watching.
[39:36] Watching my friends, like I'm like how dude, how do you do
[39:39] that? Like amazing.
[39:41] They're literally. Magical human beings.
[39:44] But I think it's also taking a step back and being OK with the
[39:47] fact that that is not me and it's not what's best for my
[39:50] kids. And so, I mean, I think
[39:53] ultimately, at the end of the day in this episode, there's so
[39:56] many different identities in the world that people can take on.
[40:00] But I think what we are really trying to convey is in every
[40:04] identity, it's super important to put healthy boundaries for
[40:07] all of them. And that can include motherhood
[40:09] too, Something that that is literally on 24/7.
[40:15] Or anything. I mean, you have so many, so
[40:18] many different hats you wear. Everybody does.
[40:21] And I think that being proud and being like this is part of who I
[40:24] am. This is what I do.
[40:26] It's something that I'm super proud of is there's nothing
[40:29] wrong with that. But I think what we're getting
[40:31] at is, yes, we are nurses, but in any identity that you are,
[40:36] it's important to not let that be come the only thing you are
[40:41] because it's in the long run, it's not going to serve you.
[40:43] No and it becomes actually toxic.
[40:46] I think dumb in the long run. Like Caitlin said, this is just
[40:50] something that we wanted to sit down, have a beer with you, like
[40:53] strip it back, keep it super real.
[40:55] But we do have something really fun planned for next week.
[40:58] You know we can only do like one serious episode in between a
[41:02] group of funny ones. So next week we are doing
[41:06] nursing stereotypes and I am stoked on this.
[41:09] These are so funny to me. These are some of the best
[41:11] things I like to watch on TikTok too, is like when people
[41:14] recreate nursing stereotypes. So we're going to do that for
[41:17] you too. We are super excited about it.
[41:20] So we'll see you guys next week. Bye, guys.
[41:22] Bye.

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