# Ep8 - When G's Cry

An episode of [Still Nuthin But a 'G' Thang](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1875086496), 20 May 2026, 1 h 05 min.

Audio: https://api.riverside.com/hosting-analytics/media/053e5bca9fc4327e0e24af6ef76a29105bb6fe3843bef9231f220810c2c66109/eyJlcGlzb2RlSWQiOiJhMWNmOThkNS1kMzI1LTQ4N2MtYTI1Ny00ZTBlYWQxMDRlNzAiLCJwb2RjYXN0SWQiOiI3NGE1YjIyOC1hNzQ3LTQ1OWUtODkxMi1lMTlhZmU1MmFlYmIiLCJhY2NvdW50SWQiOiI2OTc2MzQ2MjhjMjdlM2E4YTY0NzcwNzYiLCJwYXRoIjoibWVkaWEvY2xpcHMvNmEwZGE4Mzc1MmE1NDUyZDc3NWVkNTExL3N0aWxsLW51dGhpbi1idXQtYS1nLXRoYW5ncy1zdHVkaW8tY29tcG9zZXItMjAyNi01LTIwX18xNC0yNS0yNy5tcDMifQ==.mp3

What if crying is your best strategy for healing — or your biggest sign of strength? For many, especially Black men and women, crying is seen as a weakness, a sign to hide or suppress. But what if letting those tears flow could actually be a strategic move toward authenticity, resilience, and emotional freedom? In this candid episode, T & AP challenge the stigma around tears, exploring how vulnerability can be a tactical advantage rather than a flaw. You’ll discover: - The four emotional archetypes that describe how men and women process and express tears — from the open valve to the dissociated vault. - The surprising psychological origins behind why some of us hide or suppress our emotions, especially with roots in childhood and cultural conditioning. - How tears can serve as a powerful tool for self-awareness, healing, and strategic emotional regulation — if you know how to harness them. - The real cost of emotional suppression: chronic stress, trauma, and missed opportunities for growth. - Practical tips on creating safe spaces to let go, whether you prefer crying in private, with loved ones, or in the moment when emotions strike hardest. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who’s ever felt ashamed to cry, struggled with vulnerability, or wants to learn how emotional expression can be a sign of strength. Whether you’re healing from trauma or simply trying to understand your own emotional landscape, these insights will reshape how you view tears — not as weakness, but as a strategic act of courage. Join us as we break the stigma, embrace our true selves, and learn to cry strategically in a world that often expects us to be invincible. Because sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is let the tears fall. Are you ready to redefine strength? This is more than a conversation — it’s a movement toward authentic healing and emotional mastery. Perfect for anyone on a healing journey, navigating Black identities, or facing the pressure to be emotionally "strong." Find out why shedding tears might be the ultimate act of resilience. Chapters • 00:00 Crying: A Touchy Topic • 36:16 Understanding and Processing Emotions • 50:05 The Hot Seat: Triggering Emotional Responses and Releasing Emotions • 57:33 Trading Invincibility for Emotional Peace and Vulnerability

## Transcript

speaker-1: What's up, what's up, what's up y'all welcome to another episode of Still Nothing But a G Thing. We are your favorite G's, Tanishia. And thank you for coming back and tapping in with us and chilling with us and we love you so much. And while we're at it, let me go ahead and tell you to hit that subscribe and that like button, drop your comments, do all of the things to show your support because
speaker-0: in honor of
speaker-1: We love it, we love y'all, and we wanna be able to come back from week to week and have these conversations. So, ⁓ today's episode we'll be getting into, but as with every episode, we are starting off with our growth moments. So, AP, growth moments.
speaker-0: Growth Momma. So Growth Momma for me is a hard lesson learned, but a lesson nonetheless.
speaker-1: That's what we're here for.
speaker-0: Y'all stop asking questions that you already know the answer to. ⁓ Don't do it. I'm not gonna go any deeper than that.
speaker-1: Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.
speaker-0: know the answer don't set yourself up by asking a question period
speaker-1: That's the age-old thing our parents used to tell us, right? Like, don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to or that you already know the answer to.
speaker-0: Yeah, and there is such thing as a dumb question. Yeah. They asked you when they told you there wasn't there is a such thing as a dumb question and we all know it.
speaker-1: They lied. They all know which things. And he'd be like, why are you asking this dumbass question?
speaker-0: The dumb question, because when people ask a dumb question... Yes, we looking at you like you done. So thank you for your speech. Sometimes you gotta keep it to yourself.
speaker-1: Right. And it's honestly sometimes to protect yourself, you know, and just not annoy other people. But a lot of times, sometimes, you know, can be to protect yourself. Yeah. Fair enough. point. Fair point.
speaker-0: And don't play yourself. Keep a G. Keep a G for real. Gotta play yourself.
speaker-1: ⁓ My growth moment is following by the theory of ⁓ let them. Mel Robbins, another awesome podcast ⁓ host, ⁓ she has a book out called Let Them. And it is about just letting people be, letting people think what they want to think, letting, just letting. Let them. Let Let them. I find myself a lot of times in the space of
speaker-0: So.
speaker-1: Not even trying to convince people of things, but trying to convince people of things.
speaker-0: I'm
speaker-1: And more or less because it's like, I just want you to understand. It's like, you got, yeah. Like you got one time for me to explain this thing and either you, I mean, it's not even whether you agree or not, it's just one of those where it's like, all right, well, I mean, we can have a conversation about things, but I am no longer in the business of trying to convince or otherwise.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Let them. Okay. ⁓ I learned something today about a little, I think I had a little. Okay. This morning, somebody posted something on social media that I did not like. It was so distasteful. And yes, yes, yes, you guys, it's your page. So you should be able to post whatever you want, I guess. But just know when you hold a certain position.
speaker-1: Okay.
speaker-0: or you advertise or you do anything from your personal page, other people see it. And so yeah, it might be your personal thoughts and your personal feeling, your personal post, but you're going to deal with the reaction and the consequences of what it is that people see from your page. And I don't think people really realize that or you just don't care. And then if you don't care, that's good because the people that
speaker-1: Yeah
speaker-0: see your page can either swipe unfriend unfollow whatever they don't like what you got to say. Now I don't like the social media bullying culture that they have like if I post something like ⁓ these are my beautiful girls and then next thing I say ⁓ your girls is ugly like no you could have swiped you ain't have to say nothing keep it moving keep it moving but if you're a coach a teacher a business owner
speaker-1: Great. Keep it moving.
speaker-0: and you post something derogatory, knowing that you're in a leadership position and people are following you, they're gonna see it. You know, and I don't think that that's really what you want people to think about you. Or you want that to be your first opinion, first, what is it, first? So just think about it, you know what saying, y'all? Just be careful, you know, people, if you wanna get a job or anything like that and people see your social media and you're out of pocket.
speaker-1: Impression impression. Yeah
speaker-0: It could be your personal page, but it's not private. It's not quite that personal. Other people are going to see it.
speaker-1: Right. Right. And I mean, like, and to your point, it's like, you can post what you want to post if you don't care, right? But understand that just like with any expression, form of expression is you have to be prepared for the consequences that come along with that. So it's like, if you don't care, then hey, you like it, I love it. But let them.
speaker-0: Do you f***ing head on?
speaker-1: Let ⁓
speaker-0: I'm the auntie of all aunties. like to think like yeah, if I see your kids out there being bad or whatever, I'm gonna say something. It's love. I feel like that's the community that we're a part of. Yes, I want y'all to check my kids. I want you to check me. You see me out being out of pocket and you like I hold, you you hold me to some kind of a seam or something and you see me not.
speaker-1: As let's say, it takes a village.
speaker-0: act in accordance with me in a nice professional way that I might receive it.
speaker-1: Right. That part. Make sure you do it in a way that the person receives it, right? Because it doesn't do anybody good. Right. me off. AKA you don't want the smoke. Don't piss me You don't want the smoke.
speaker-0: And I don't want to, I want to receive your message. I don't want to be offended by it. Like I truly want to.
speaker-1: I WANNA- Right. And we're all working towards our healing and stuff, but sometimes you catch people at the wrong time.
speaker-0: Yeah, that's not what I really don't do. I'm trying, working hard on it. Yeah, baby steps. Let them let me. Okay. I appreciate that. Your growth mom was good. People gonna be.
speaker-1: Yeah. Let them. People are going to be people that they're to think what they want to think regardless. And that has always been the thing is like people are going to think what they want to think, no matter what you say, talking blue in the face about it, whatever. Let them. And that's it.
speaker-0: Can you dig your part, you know, if you
speaker-1: Yeah, exactly. ⁓
speaker-0: Everybody got a
speaker-1: That's it. Done. Today we are, now this is a very difficult topic for many of us G's because it's just a little touchy, right? ⁓ Crying, crying, when G's cry, do G's cry? All of these questions we have and we'll answer today. ⁓ But, you know, it's one of those things that ⁓ I think there's been a lot of
speaker-0: Alright, well stop.
speaker-1: ⁓ what is the word I'm looking for, around crying when it comes to especially, particularly men, especially black men, but then also women and black women. And, ⁓ you know, it's one of those things where it's, is crying, you know, a good thing to do, or is it a sign of weakness, you know, ⁓ in the professional realm or from a professional standpoint, ⁓ they talk about it as like tactical vulnerability, right? And that kind of describes whether, you know, crying is something that is, can be used to your benefit and ⁓ like strategic healing, or is it something that, or is it something kind of along the lines of what people think it is, which is, you know, it's just not necessary and it's just, you know, no need for it or. too much. Yeah, it's sign of weakness. right. So we are we are diving deep into into the emotional into the emotions of the G's, at least the ones here. And of course, we always, always, always want to hear from you. You know, we want to hear how you guys feel about it, what your thoughts are. And then as we're going through and talking about some of these questions, like we definitely want your feedback in and your answers to them. So please drop us, you know. United
speaker-0: I think our talk today will be a little thought provoking in terms of how does this apply to you? You know, what are your thoughts? Are you a cry or are not? And if you're not, why not? So because we're all into this healing journey learning, growing. So yeah, absolutely. hope you learned something about yourself today and it sparks more conversations. Absolutely.
speaker-1: Right. Absolutely, because as with everything our focus is healing and growth. So, let's get into it. AP, what are your feelings about crying? ⁓ Like is it something that you feel is necessary? Do you feel it's a waste of time or waste of energy? Like what are your feelings when it comes to?
speaker-0: I hate her. I hate her. I think it's ugly. I'm to be cute but it just really is just like one of those things that is just really ugly to me like
speaker-1: It is not pretty
speaker-0: don't want to do it. don't want.
speaker-1: Gotcha, gotcha. And have you always been that way or and have you have your feelings kind of changed over time or is it just like you've always been like yeah now crying is just not something that is ugly and I don't like to
speaker-0: there over time, because I think as a kid, I was a crybaby. I was considered a crybaby. People would call me a crybaby, even as a ⁓ baby. I was one of those kids that my mommy said I looked like one of the Charlie Brown kids. My mouth would be wide open. I would cry, like loud cries. Please, don't shut up. I was one of those. And then,
speaker-1: She's never about the meals
speaker-0: When I was younger, I would be in school and stuff and like the teacher could be like, Andrea stop talking. And I cry. And I'd be like, I don't even want to cry. Like what she said wasn't even that deep. But I cry. So like, just hated it every since then. Like, I couldn't control it. Like it's gonna cry. I'd be like, no, you don't even need to cry about this. And I cried. So I think just as I got older, it was just like, I'm not.
speaker-1: about. Like shed these tears? What is that?
speaker-0: That was gross.
speaker-1: She said gross.
speaker-0: Hahaha Now do I do it? That's another story. But if I hadn't...
speaker-1: But, but, she's nah, I ain't trying to do that. Ain't about that. I'm definitely, I've been a crier all my life.
speaker-0: Why the fuck?
speaker-1: I've been I've been a. No, no, no, no. That's what I'm saying. Like.
speaker-0: There's different kinds. No, but I'm saying you said you was crying all your life like, ⁓ you watch boob.
speaker-1: Yeah, oh yeah, no, yeah like they do. Yeah 1000 % what 1000 % like I am a I Am a cryer I'm like in a movie like like whatever like Okay now that part Not so I mean it depends on who it was but I don't know like yeah, it depends on who was but
speaker-0: I You So you more of a sappy cry like you.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah Lord happiness. Yeah. ⁓ yeah. So you happy cry happy cryer like super like, you know normal sad stuff but like, ⁓ yeah. Yeah, like they're Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, There's a reason I got tissue, box and stash around the house and in different locations. You know, like, yeah, I know I'm definitely a crier.
speaker-0: ⁓ as you are. You You
speaker-1: But again, as I got older, wasn't until I got older that I realized the necessity of it. Well, I'll say the necessity of it in that respect. I think at a younger age, I did realize that I had a bit of a temper. And so that was a release for me. Yeah, like that was one of those things like,
speaker-0: Hey ⁓ okay.
speaker-1: ⁓ when I would get angry, ⁓ it was my way of letting it out because I knew that there was no other way of letting it out.
speaker-0: You do know those kids like you see that all the time like them people that's like I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm
speaker-1: Let me just me just walk away. Let me just like oh yeah, Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm and I'm thankful for that that that was in of course at that time I didn't recognize us. That's what it was but I just knew that okay I have to cry because I have to let this out cuz I'm angry and that was my only release otherwise I probably wouldn't be here right now I'd probably be locked up somewhere because I had to dole out some ass whoopings throughout my life. Like many ass whoopings throughout my life. yeah, yeah, yeah. But yes, I've been a crier all of life. So, but yeah, so when it comes to crying, there are four archetypes that they talk about. One of them, the first one being And they say the four archetypes range from highly visible to emotionally armored. So which one are you guys? And definitely make sure you drop your comments and let us know which one you are. So the first one being the open valve. And they call that the high emotional fluidity. And that these are the individuals who cry at commercials during tough conversations or when they're slightly overwhelmed by beauty.
speaker-0: ⁓
speaker-1: You know, like, it's like, like not just, you know, like, ⁓ my God. I'm so happy like you know this life is beautiful like blessings type thing and then ⁓ The next one the second one the pressure cooker the delay processor ⁓ They cry they don't cry in the moment. They wait until they're alone in the shower in the car ⁓ And the third being the stoic architect, the rationalizer. They rarely, if ever cry, if they do, it's only for justifiable reasons like a death in the family. And then number four, the frozen vault or the dissociator. These individuals haven't cried in years. Even when they want to, they feel numb or clogged.
speaker-0: Mmm. Mm-hmm. AP.
speaker-1: Which one are you? And have you always been this one? And if not, what were you before?
speaker-0: I a piece of each one, I feel like that's kind of like the safe answer. So I'll try to keep it as G as possible. And I will say that before I was healed, pre-healed or pre-healing, I would say I was more of a pressure cooker. Okay. Wait till I was alone. Because it's ugly, right? Like I said, but.
speaker-1: She's like pre-heeled.
speaker-0: I just, it's just something about being like guarded and thinking that crying is a sign of weakness and not wanting to be that vulnerable in front of somebody. So I think that I would just hold those moments for the shower or, you know, and trying to, cause I think I'm like even trying to think of like, is this like, why am I crying? What is this for? You know, so I spend a lot of time. you know, holding in bottling up those feelings. And I would say now I'm more of a open vowel-ish. Fish-esque. I cry a little bit more now. ⁓ You know, because I do recognize like it is a it's a release. It's cleansing. Yeah. You know, you got to feel the feels, you know, and if it means that the feelings are coming out in the form of tears, I'm just more, you know, accepting about it now. I don't know if it's all because of a healing journey or because I'm just getting older. I just, you know, I don't care as much as I used to about what other people think so much about, you know, those kinds of things. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah And do feel like with your pressure cooker, was because of or kind of holding it in or doing it by yourself is because of the perception that other people would have of you expressing your emotions at that time?
speaker-0: Because it's one of those things if I'm not feeling like my feelings are going to be validated, or they're not, that I'm not going to get the end result from my tears, then I keep it to myself. I mean, I guess that's truly what it is, just keeping it to myself.
speaker-1: or Yeah, no, I'm food.
speaker-0: Yeah, and the fact that like crying too sometimes like when you have like so much inside that you don't even know like am I gonna be able to cut this shit off? You know what I mean? Like if I if it seems like I'm crying over this movie, but
speaker-1: Is it some deeper in that?
speaker-0: You know, whenever you ever heard, like you sometimes you can cry and it'd be like a little like tears coming down. you've had that deep down like that. And you can't, you can't, yeah you can't, you can't, can't, can't, Yeah, so yeah, so I'm not trying to you know feel that and I think I don't get there because I've done the little cry
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: checked in when I needed to so that way it doesn't get there because eventually everything comes to a head. So yeah.
speaker-1: I'm definitely an in-between of the open, what is it, the open valves. We like to have them.
speaker-0: We are, we are, you know, we hear, hear.
speaker-1: The open valve and the pressure cooker, for sure. think that throughout my life, I've been mostly an open valve, but because of certain situations that I've been put in or that I've been in, I've shown up more as a pressure cooker. I think a lot of that sometimes is just depending on the situation where I don't necessarily feel the safest in expressing how I feel or letting that emotion out. But then also with that is situations where it's like, I'm trying to be strong, quote unquote, for those that I'm around and trying to be that support system and feeling that I can't necessarily, not that I can't, but that I want to be there for them as they're releasing whatever they're going through. ⁓ just to give you guys a little bit more insight to the psychology behind the different archetypes. Open valve, like we said, is ⁓ you cry commercials during tough conversations or simply overwhelmed by beauty. what that says is that that person has high emotional granularity and they don't have a filter between their internal feelings and their external expression, which is definitely me all day because It is very difficult for me to not express externally what I'm feeling internally. But of course, also the psychology behind it is that that's often linked to high sensitivity, not to be confused with high emotional, like highly emotional.
speaker-0: Because when I think of that, think about from the standpoint of in your household, it was okay to cry. So because you were nurtured in a way that said it was okay to cry, you didn't feel the need to hide. You know what I mean? So I feel like that's kind of healthy. No, That's healthy when you can trust the people that you're around enough to feel safe. And it's okay. Because I mean, being a boy mom times three.
speaker-1: Right, right, right.
speaker-0: We definitely allow our boys to feel the emotions. You know, and crying is a safe, it's okay to cry, but at the same time, crying is just not the only emotion.
speaker-1: Right, right. And it is like taking the time to figure out what the emotion is that behind the cry, right? Yeah, absolutely. ⁓ And I think that that's for me, one of those things too, it was like, I've always known that I was an emotional person. Not overly emotional, but I knew I was emotional. But I think sometimes like we're saying here is like you hear high sensitivity.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm.
speaker-1: And people automatically think, OK, like you're super, yeah, you're so sensitive and you're super emotional. It's like, no, you're just more aware of your feelings and potentially other people around you and the people you're connected to as well. ⁓ And so that you you end up feeling your emotions a little bit deeper than others might, you know, and a little bit stronger than others might. So there's absolutely. even if you are an overly emotional person, overly emotional, ⁓ I don't think that there's anything necessarily wrong with that. think it's just making sure that you're aware of that so that you can, again, like we said before, not allowing your emotions to control you. Controlling your emotions. Feel your emotions, feel your feels, but don't let them control you. And so, and that's kind of like the bigger thing.
speaker-0: Yeah, because I admire people that ⁓ are aware. mean, I think that's key thing is being super aware of how you feel. Now, you know, having that awareness is is absolutely key in deciding what you're going to do with it. You know, because there's people that are totally irrational when it comes to emotion. And they're like, yeah. And that's not what we're talking about. Right. We're just talking about the part where you
speaker-1: All Exactly. you know what I mean? Stream. Yeah.
speaker-0: You know, you feel the feels.
speaker-1: Absolutely. Absolutely. And so with the pressure cooker, like we said, they don't cry in the moment. They kind of wait and do that alone. And what that says is they consider that the classic hyper-independent trait. feel a deep need to hold the line for others and view crying as a private maintenance task rather than the public expression. And the psychology is often a result of parentification. which is having to be an adult as a child, their brain prioritizes the sympathetic nervous system, which is the fight or flight during the crisis and only allows for the parasympathetic, which is the rest to take over when the ⁓ perimeter is secure, right? Yeah. ⁓
speaker-0: So that would only make sense. to that category, that would only make sense because that's totally me. You know, being the oldest first child to teen parents, know, would. What put me in that? Yeah, you know, yeah. I get it
speaker-1: Yeah Making you feel like you need to, you know, be not be more of a parent but kind of stepping into more of a kind of semi parental type task and role definitely applies to the permittification of things. And I would agree same thing for me. It's like being there being such a big gap between me and my younger sibling. which is like 10 years, there was definitely a lot of pormontal. aspects of our relationship and the things that I did as a teenager and, you know, ⁓ as a sibling that more fell into the realm of, you know, parenting. ⁓
speaker-0: Yeah, and that gets a little tricky, right? Because like our parents, you know, would watch the podcast. Yeah. Right. We're ⁓ saying is the adult role and responsibility. Yes. You know, which is not at a fault for anyone's fault. But that's just kind of the role that happens as you're, you know, when you're young and you experience certain like things.
speaker-1: That's a right, yes. Absolutely. Right And they talk about it all the time. It's like, you know, when you have both parents working or parent working and all of these things is like a lot of times we as, you know, the siblings do have, yeah, exactly. We have to step up and take responsibility of more adult responsibilities on. And I think that is a common thing, but we can't kind of dismiss the things that come along with that of having to step up as a more as an adult at a younger age, right? So those are some of the things, I mean, like, we'll definitely get into that later in another conversation, but it is one of those things that we do have to be aware of and acknowledge. ⁓ And so for the last two, there's the stoic architect, which is the rationalizer. ⁓ Those are the ones that rarely cry if ever, and this only because it's justifiable reason.
speaker-0: You
speaker-1: And what that says is they lead with their frontal cortex, prefrontal cortex, which is the logic, which makes total sense ⁓ and have effectively silenced the limbic system, which is their emotion. And they view tears as a biological malfunction or a waste of energy. And I don't know if, of course, everybody I don't think that falls into that category feels as a malfunction or a waste of energy. I think there's just very much a logical thought process is more thinking behind it than it is emotion that's tied to it.
speaker-0: And that's what I would think. I would think that the more of the analytical person, know, I'd hate to say men, but would fall into this category, but it oftentimes does because also how some of them have been raised and saying like, it wasn't okay to cry. And then sometimes they just, you know, out of position or whatever, want to solve problems and not. spend so much time in an emotional round. then they take that away, know, because they tie crying to emotion. Like the only reason I'm crying is because I'm emotional when that's not truly what it is.
speaker-1: Yeah, absolutely. absolutely. And that kind of goes like leads us into the next one, which is the frozen vault, the dissociator. And these individuals haven't cried in years. And even when they want to, they feel numb or clogged. And this isn't, they say it isn't strength and it's ⁓ emotional sequestration, which is the body has decided that the pain is too large to process. So it has shuttered the factory to prevent total system collapse. And the psychology behind this is that it's often related to complex trauma or C, PTSD. The brain uses disassociation as a shield, which makes so much sense, right? It's like when you've gone through some level of ⁓ trauma. And I say this, ⁓ I saw something the other day from a doctor that was saying that trauma is not what we go through, it's the result of what we go through.
speaker-0: Hmm
speaker-1: Right. So it's like we go through the thing and then the trauma is the response that happens once we've gone through the thing and how our body responds and how we respond to that. So I think once somebody goes through, ⁓ you know, some type of situation that causes trauma in them, it only makes sense that they disassociate the emotion from a lot of situations because it's a, it's a defense mechanism, you know? Yeah.
speaker-0: protection shut down. Yeah, because you think about it too, like how many times have we seen on any kind of social like somebody going to jail and stone cold like you're going to your crime, but you just got handed down 100 years.
speaker-1: you Yeah, right. It's like... And they just take it. They just take it. And it's a lot of, because a lot of what they've gone through has just unfortunately ⁓ created an environment for them to cultivate and grow that type of dissociative ⁓ of feelings.
speaker-0: Yeah. So like growing up, know, being so hard all the time, like crying can be a foreign constant.
speaker-1: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. it does take the healing process to be able to go through, especially when you've gone through stuff like that, to be able to look and say, okay, it is okay for me to let go and it is okay for me to release it. It is okay for me to even learn how to process these feelings and emotions that I'm feeling ⁓ and learn how to do that. Because I think a lot of times majority of us have not been able or have been afforded the opportunity to do that.
speaker-0: Yeah, because my mom was telling me about my uncle told her that he was he hadn't cried in so long that he didn't even know how to cry. that was like, you know, I just wanted to like give him this big hug, you know, because I can't even imagine being in a position of like, damn, when I know there's been times where he there things that should have made him
speaker-1: Yeah
speaker-0: And then to have held it in and then now it's like a foreign concept to even figure it out. But I feel like it's one of those things that it like, if it did come out, it's the controlling of it, right? If it did come out, how do I stop it when I know that there were there's so much.
speaker-1: Yeah, built up in there.
speaker-0: fear of that is what makes
speaker-1: Yeah. And it's like kind of like a vicious cycle, right? Because it's the fear that prevents you from doing it. But then that means the more you go through, the more you're holding it in, the more that's building up and all these other things. And it's just like, when does it end?
speaker-0: Yeah, to me it sounds like a big stomachache like you eat all this food
speaker-1: Yeah, and you're like, right. And you're and you're not using the bathroom. And you're yeah, it's like, eventually. ⁓ it is. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's the importance, right? Even the where you be like what in the world is going on? Let that thing go
speaker-0: I have to keep them Yummy.
speaker-1: So now that you are in the space, as you said, the healing spaces you're in. Yeah. Healing ⁓ healing. What would you say that crying does for you now? Like, and I mean, like, and I know you said you don't like to, and I know it's like,
speaker-0: Yeah Damn.
speaker-1: Do you feel like it does something for you now? And if so, does that kind of help with the previous feelings of, you know, like it feeling ugly and.
speaker-0: It does for me though is give me that pause. It gives me that opportunity to understand myself too. Like, okay, I'm crying. Why am I crying? What are these tears? You know, and so then just doing that introspection helps a lot. it helps me to better understand myself, helps me better to articulate, you know, the next steps is like,
speaker-1: ME
speaker-0: Is this about to be a cuss out situation? Is this about to be, you know, I really could use a hug situation. Like what, what does this mean? What do I need? What's next? So, so I like it, you know, better than before better. know what I'm I mean, but it's not so like my cry now isn't so like,
speaker-1: Right. Right.
speaker-0: Like the, you know, it's not so heavy. It's not so burning because now it's a little bit more lighter because it happens more often. I'm not going to say like, I'm a crybaby. I'm still a G like in terms of, this is not what we're about to do all the time. But we're going to, you know, we're going to have it and we're going to understand it, but it doesn't happen.
speaker-1: Right. And I think that's the G part of it, right? It happens in the understanding that comes with it, right? ⁓ Because we all need to cry, we all need to release, but it's like we don't want to be, like they were saying, it's like you don't want to be on one complete end of the spectrum of being the open valve all the time or being the disassociator all the time, right? Or whatever they called it. you want to be somewhere in between where it's like, okay, I feel my feelings, I process them, I release it. But I also understand that there are circumstances where I can't just be busting out crying in the middle of, you know, meetings and stuff at work. I mean, mean, you know, given circumstances, right.
speaker-0: Yeah think about it if you know, Ms. Harris would have become our president, nobody would be expecting her to be standing in front of the country.
speaker-1: Yeah, they be like
speaker-0: I mean where we can appreciate some of the sensitivity and you know that comes from crying because I think that's what makes us who we are like adult women that we are is because we're able to have all 50 11 Yeah, that's what makes us able to tap in and be who we need to be for everybody right? but we have to
speaker-1: qualities, and emotions.
speaker-0: strategic and when we're able to do certain, you know, emotions.
speaker-1: ⁓ Show certain emotions. Yeah, because that might be the time that it's like you you are that pressure cooker and it's like I'm a hold this thing But when I get to that bathroom
speaker-0: in Yeah, and I better let it out because it's gonna be smoke if I don't.
speaker-1: That part that part and don't nobody want that don't nobody no one no one wants this
speaker-0: No. Nobody wants anybody to smoke, right?
speaker-1: So, ⁓ is there anything specific that you need, like as far as like, you know, a certain type of space or a certain, like to be able to feel like you're able to release and let go and cry as you need to, or you just like, you know, as given, as long as it's not, you know, you, given a
speaker-0: I still I still would rather be by myself Because I'm a person I am like not that I can take it on myself, but I have to process I really have to take that time myself to understand like what's going on here? And then I may not understand so then after I gather myself then I could have a conversation with my village like yo You know, I was feeling this way
speaker-1: Alright.
speaker-0: Like what you think?
speaker-1: So do you think that you could do, cause it's like, one of those things where it's like, I definitely get the wanting to be by yourself and process and then be able to explain. But the, guess one of those words like, okay, yes, I'm here with my, around my people and I just need to cry. Like I don't want to talk about it. I don't need to talk about it. just, I just need to.
speaker-0: I'm just not coming to see like I'll be like see I need a hug. Yeah, like after I process like girl I just really need to be a firm like let's have some drinks like Can just hug me like I really could use one of them good old tea hugs, know I'm saying that's where I'm at when I come out of my Cry like I'm able to like figure it out. What's the need after this?
speaker-1: Gotcha, gotcha. I think I like process in the moment and then after.
speaker-0: as well.
speaker-1: Yeah, like I'll definitely might cry and I'd be like, I don't want to talk about it. Because you know what it is, you know what it is, is when I cry, it's a release for me, but then it's also like, that's also my way of being able to process. It's like I cry in our process. And sometimes I just, I do like to have somebody there to be like, you know what? No.
speaker-0: So we can just both be crying. And then like okay, well let's move on
speaker-1: What?
speaker-0: What? What just happened here? I was in a good place. I came here to be here with you.
speaker-1: I know, I know, I know
speaker-0: My lash is off, like what we bout to do?
speaker-1: But you know, it's because like, you know what it is, is like, because I am, though, I'm going to cry in both instances. I'm gonna cry by myself and I'm still crying when I'm telling you about it. I just am. just am like, because that's also even more of release for Yeah, I'm getting it out. But I do tend to make sure I do tend to, I think, get that initial cry out because I one thing I
speaker-0: I cried.
speaker-1: don't like and it's not even the crying aspect of it is like when I'm trying to explain something and it's the you know the crying and then I gotta kind of hold it like because I don't want to just be like crying to the point where you can't understand what I'm saying it's like girl use your words like what like so it's like it's a lot of things going on in my mind and in my my whole like processing and thought process but I'm going to cry both times. Okay.
speaker-0: Well, now that I know. Yeah. Now that I know, I can be more prepared.
speaker-1: Thank you. appreciate that. Cause yeah, you about to get these tears. You are about to get these tears. I'm sorry. Yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah. couple tears with you but before I probably was just like...
speaker-1: It's okay, like whenever you ready to talk, whenever you ready to speak.
speaker-0: I know, I know, I'm here for you.
speaker-1: And see, that's me. I am also the, whether you're talking or just crying, I'm crying with you. I'm not booing, but I like all these tears running down my face. All the time. Because I truly do feel like the people that I'm connected to, I do feel y'all's emotions very strongly. so it's like, hurt so bad.
speaker-0: Her speed is steep. I
speaker-1: That's why you can't tell me nothing because I hold grudges like I'm like it's all that is tied together all that all that. So. ⁓
speaker-0: SHUT How do you do them?
speaker-1: I guess, how do you find the balance of, and I think you kind of talked about it earlier, is like the balance of, as we say, being the healed Gs that we are, like being healed and processing, I guess finding the balance of being healed, but then still expressing your emotions and, but not overdoing, not being like overly expressive in the wrong time.
speaker-0: Fine.
speaker-1: You know, it's like, how do you feel like you find that balance?
speaker-0: You
speaker-1: But I feel like you kind of.
speaker-0: I mean, I guess the pause, know, the power of the pause. And understanding like what is this emotion that I'm feeling, you know? It helps not to be so reaction. Most definitely. And sometimes we get any spaces where we're like,
speaker-1: Yeah
speaker-0: Feeling the feels, but can't identify what the feeling is. So then we're going to our default, which some people's default is straight anger. Or like in our shutdown mode and we don't want to talk about it and be mad and we don't like you no more and this and that and that person ain't even say nothing. They ain't even really do it. You know what saying? Because you're just in your own head. So, I mean.
speaker-1: Yes Yeah.
speaker-0: With everything, growing, healing, experiencing, taking that pause is like the transition of like understanding of where I'm at today and being better able to deal with people.
speaker-1: Right. I totally agree with that. And to your point like that, that was one of the things that my therapist had told me ⁓ some time ago, along with the, you know, not letting your emotions control you, but literally pinpointing. Like she gave me this sheet, like you're in a doctor's office. Yeah. And it's like, they're like, well, what's the level of your pain? Right. And this is like, what emotion is tied to your feeling. And I think that is the bigger thing that we all need to get better about is pinpointing the emotion. Like behind the cry, behind everything that we're feeling. And the other thing was pinpointing where you feel it in your body. Like that was one of the things she said. Like she would be like, well, how do you feel about that? And whether it's anger, whatever the emotion is, okay, well, where do you feel that? Because I think that's one of the things that helps you
speaker-0: And make your stomach or your heart. Yeah.
speaker-1: as you're going through certain situations, if you can't necessarily pinpoint the emotion at that time, when you start to feel it in your body, you're more aware of that. And so I think it'll help you kind of be like, ⁓ wait, I'm this here right now. So I am angry or I'm sad or I'm whatever. And especially remember. Yeah, I mean, that part.
speaker-0: what you did.
speaker-1: that part. And so it's like, when you feel it is like, okay, I think it helps us process it a little bit better and kind of handle the, ⁓ the action part of the emotion or the action part that comes after the emotion a little bit better. ⁓ So that we can not overreact when we're feeling it.
speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes we get it wrong.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
speaker-0: Yeah, we're gonna keep working at it, you know, because sometimes we even though we know the tools we then we going through the process sometimes we just don't get it wrong in giving each other, know, grace and give me your own show. Grace didn't handle that the way I thought I would. then later on, you know, next time I'll get it next time. This time, I'm sorry. Fuck it. Like you what you got. ⁓
speaker-1: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Right, my bad. Lesson learned. Yeah. I mean, because the whole thing was was the saying? ⁓ It's not perfection is progress. We're not we're not looking for
speaker-0: I'm going to try this. good with the cliches. I was watching something and they were trying to tell us how to teach
speaker-1: ⁓ yeah, I thought it was I girl listen, I what I saw one thing it was like this and then I saw this and I'm just like ⁓
speaker-0: It had to do with sign language Somebody in the comments like that, they need to write sign language I named it
speaker-1: That ain't it, y'all I just won't do it.
speaker-0: ⁓ I say T. T. So yeah, but I just not do it.
speaker-1: you But yeah, we're ⁓ working towards progress and not perfection, right? So any little bit of steps that we're making towards being better in the way we do things in general, but especially when it comes to our emotions and our feelings and actions in correspondence is.
speaker-0: you know, a step forward and step in the right direction. So you got a game for us.
speaker-1: Yes, we got the hot seat today. The hot seat of questions, right? And so got this in our little martini glass because you know, for one, this is all I had on hand at this this quick moment. This is what I had at the end of quick.
speaker-0: This is what she had. Okay, we lying more about you. You know, I like me a good drink every once in while.
speaker-1: I'm just saying. And so this is designed, the quick, or the hot seat is designed to ⁓ trigger our emotional response, like to give a quick response versus ⁓ allowing our prefrontal cortex to.
speaker-0: Freeze. prefrontal cortex.
speaker-1: Say that fast three times to take over the logic. And we don't want the logic to take over. don't want to think about it. We want our emotions to respond and feel it, right? we're in a hot seat. Yeah, we together. So we're going to pick one and we're both going to answer, but it got to be quick.
speaker-0: What was the last time you had a good cry and what was it about?
speaker-1: I mean, okay, like you gotta be like, you know specific about specifics, but when was it?
speaker-0: Probably like two days ago. Okay. My growth moment. I already knew the answer to and it hurt my feelings hard as ass. Hurt my feelings. Yeah, that's what was telling y'all. Like I don't be making this stuff up.
speaker-1: Yeah. ⁓ I told you my fillers hurt!
speaker-0: I had my good cry and so I shared it with y'all so y'all don't have to be like okay? So yeah, that's what happened. I asked myself, I asked the question, I knew the answer to it and I got burned. Okay? There you go.
speaker-1: There you go. For me, it would be after my grandmother passed. Oh. Yeah. You know what? You be drinking. You have some drinks in here. You get emotional. And it's like, and because it wasn't like I didn't cry at a funeral or after that, but it was just one of those. It's just like one day just kind of hit me. And I was like, oh, well, well. And it was like, it was it was a cry. I called my cousin, my cousin Boo Hooin. Like girl, she's like, oh, geez. But the good was so calm and I love her to death. When you cry, you can't carry on her. Yeah. No, because she's just like, she's just, man. She's needed. Yeah. Yeah. She's a beautiful person, beautiful spirit, and she's always just, try to.
speaker-0: because Is that why you picked her? Beautiful. You call me cuz you ain't want cuz she's a beautiful person. ⁓
speaker-1: But I think it's because I knew like she would of course because it's her grandmother as well. So I knew like yeah. Yeah, I know.
speaker-0: Hey!
speaker-1: I really, really don't. Okay, where is your safe zone for a breakdown? Is it the car, the shower, or the middle of the night? And why don't you feel safe enough to do it on your own? Do it in your own living room. I mean, I guess you do it on your own living room. it's- Other people, yeah. Oh, my bad. Okay. Yeah. So, shit, my safe zone is everywhere.
speaker-0: She can. But I guess when they say. So you answer
speaker-1: Look, I'm gonna cry like one thing's for certain. Whatever, however it goes, I'm gonna cry. Like I don't, I definitely, I think before I would try to kind of like, you know, not cry as much around other people. ⁓ I mean, yeah, but it was like, she's like, nah, but you was crying. You was crying.
speaker-0: are two things for sure. know that.
speaker-1: Yeah, no, yes, yes, but like in certain situations, I'd be like, like if it's just like, if I think if it was like a personal, then I would try to like hold it in and not cry as much. But not for real, my safe zone is everywhere.
speaker-0: situation.
speaker-1: That's a zones everywhere I don't
speaker-0: Any corner at the edge of the bed, you know in the bathroom
speaker-1: You
speaker-0: I'm laughing but... ⁓
speaker-1: Right, it's funny. It's not funny. I will say though one of the things that I do try to hide is when I'm crying like during the show or something I told you I'm emotions deeply. I don't know. I can't control it
speaker-0: One thing though that I cry about though in public is when I'm proud ⁓
speaker-1: Like who is the most stupid?
speaker-0: Like not stupid, but the most minute thing and if I'm proud I'll be standing over here falling like so proud so like I even told like my little My little sisters and them I'm like yo when you see your kids do something like you're going to be crying like they you know, they'll be like No, I'm serious like you can see your kid Hit their first soccer goal anything
speaker-1: E
speaker-0: here. So I'm kind of already like, yeah, it's kind of graduation season. got kids going to different levels. I'm already prepping ready. You know, the cluster lashes, the strips, when they get wet, them drenches coming off. So already like got it planned and I'm gonna go and get to like, I'm gonna do it.
speaker-1: of joy. It's like we don't have a box of tissues ready. clusters so that yeah
speaker-0: I can't pay to get my lashes done because that's the bill. I don't know what it is when I rub my eyes and all that stuff. But my lashes, I do a strip. I'm already doing a research.
speaker-1: Now you're about to get them clusters. The cluster is like wait graduation is here and yeah.
speaker-0: I know I'm just so proud. I just be proud and that's beautiful Only time I'm gonna see like this girl standing in the corner with the mommy tears, no tears like a mommy tears. Just be proud. That hurts. Well you gotta go. I think that's enough. Okay. Girl you're gonna piss off. I didn't even tell you that. Okay. The trigger. ⁓
speaker-1: C R ⁓
speaker-0: Which is more likely to make you cry? Someone being mean to you or someone being unexpectedly kind to you while you're struggling? unexpectedly kind when I'm struggling. Most definitely. I think because action reaction. I'm gonna be a thug you mean to me. Like it's just what it is. Like that you spark a different emotion.
speaker-1: Right, that's a thing like yeah Yeah, that yeah, the mean part is nothing is the ⁓ you you thought enough of me to do something nice for me and whatever. ⁓ yeah Yeah
speaker-0: Say first because I could cry if somebody was mean me especially like when it's unexpected like you know, like it was my like my sister my mom my friend like if they say something like Me and i'm like What I do? Like what I do? You know and then i'm crying because i'm hurt But just like a rando being mean no
speaker-1: My feelings hurt a little bit. Yeah Yeah, like randos. Yeah, no randos is getting smoked. Yeah That's that energy real quick. Yeah, that's different. We're working on it, but i'm saying like you still get that mess ⁓ Hildesk. Esk. Heavy on the esk.
speaker-0: Yeah, we healing in luxury.
speaker-1: We're present. Okay. Yes. when you're fighting back tears, what's your tell? Do you start cracking jokes? Do you get suddenly angry or do you go completely silent? Yes, Lord. I am a silent. I'm a silent person. When I'm holding back my tears, I'm silent.
speaker-0: Yeah, I think so too. I think I would be too. Because I feel like the tale would be if I say the word, then it's going to be like...
speaker-1: Yeah, and that's the reason why I just hold especially depending on why I'm It right in your like the the lump of your throat. Yeah, like oh lord. Yeah
speaker-0: My kids keep doing this new thing. I don't know what the hell they mean. That's like the thing they be doing. It was like all this.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, who knows but yeah, there you go
speaker-0: Okay. the cost. If you could trade your invincibility for a year of total emotional peace, but it meant people would see you weak sometimes, would you take the deal? If you could trade your invincibility for a year of total emotional peace, but admit people will see you weak sometimes. I think I take the deal. Yeah.
speaker-1: Like you would take the...
speaker-0: I think people will be able to see the for total emotional piece. Yeah. Cause I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster for a long ass time. Emotional roller coaster. Hey. ahead. We don't own the right thing, mom. But yeah, I mean, I want to get off.
speaker-1: You weak. I'll forgetting, got my tag.
speaker-0: Like I would love that deal like now presented. Mm-hmm. Can we take it? hey
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, like real quick real quick. I don't even care like what nobody I mean like listen
speaker-0: I could suffer through that to keep that peace. Like, yeah, I absolutely would love that.
speaker-1: And in the day if somebody thinks that you're weak for showing for having peace because you're able to release and let go and whatever the case may be
speaker-0: be like the level of unbothered yes
speaker-1: Like, Anne? Anne? The last one. The soundtrack. ⁓ What is the one song if it comes on while you're already on edge is going to force the leak immediately. And it says, why are you avoiding it? But not why are you avoiding, are you avoiding it?
speaker-0: Ha ha!
speaker-1: I know. Okay, so I don't think that there's an actual song that makes me cry per se There's there's some golf gospel songs out there though that boy I'd be like, yeah But yeah, I don't think there's specific song that makes me cry. However, I have realized that Indie I are ease ready for love ⁓
speaker-0: Thank you, ma'am.
speaker-1: I feel that song so deeply.
speaker-0: Yeah
speaker-1: ⁓ man, but like that song I just feel so like when you literally like listen to the words of the song it can apply to just so many aspects of your life when it comes to love whether it's your relationship with someone else ⁓ or yourself like it's just ⁓ I just feel it so deeply and it definitely makes me like, I feel it.
speaker-0: For me that's praise and worship but not the high praise ⁓
speaker-1: Like the song ⁓
speaker-0: Peaceful life.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, those songs, that's why I said those songs get me. Yeah, like, every time because I'm just it definitely brings out that emotional thankfulness and blessed and everything else. yeah, so. It's free. It's on y'all. Like we want to we want to know those archetypes. We want to know, like we want to know what makes y'all we want to make.
speaker-0: Yes. I wanna know what's
speaker-1: make y'all cry. But we also want to know like how you're healing and all of the things. We're here for the conversation. We love y'all. We hope that y'all have taken something from all of the things and all the stories and information that we shared today. And yeah, of course, as always, don't forget to subscribe, like, comment, DMs, all of those things. ⁓
speaker-0: Yeah. You know? Follow and ⁓ one more thing. Y'all for anything I want you voting at your school. I want you voting me. Yes. ⁓ let's to vote vote vote vote vote everything. read study have conversations learn vote vote vote vote vote You think it doesn't matter you think your little vote don't count, but it does okay
speaker-1: Yes
speaker-0: There are so many things that's going on right now in our world and our communities. It is so important that we pay attention and vote. Let your voice be heard. If you don't know what to say, if you don't know what to vote for, have a conversation with people that do. Right? It is so important.
speaker-1: Absolutely. And like she said, your vote is important because if it wasn't, they wouldn't be trying to take it from you. like get out there. Voice, put your voice out there.
speaker-0: And this one thing when you letting y'all
speaker-1: You need to do it. You need to do it.
speaker-0: Alright, love y'all. Love y'all. Till next time. you

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